A Way With Words
by ByeByeBirdie
Summary: This is a story about a boy entering into his final year at Hogwarts, determined to make it his best yet. A boy who lived and breathed Quidditch and craved that elusive Quidditch Cup more than anything (or so he thought). A boy who only ever wanted to find his place in the world and had to go through a lot of twists and turns to get there. This is the story of James Sirius Potter.
1. At The Beginning

**A/N:** Well, look who's back with her next story. I dabbled with a few storylines, some about MWPP and Lily, another one about Teddy and Victoire, a sequel to Rose/Scorpius' story, etc. And I always found myself coming back to this one about James Sirius Potter, Fred Weasley, and Alice Longbottom. This is the first time I've stuck with a first-person account throughout the whole story and I enjoyed getting into the head of the seventeen-year-old James Potter. So I hope you enjoy reading it almost as much as I enjoyed writing it. The story is pretty much completely finished which should make uploading each chapter fairly easy. With that said, reviews are the quickest way for an update. So please let me know what you think!

 **Disclaimer:** This entire story is based of the Harry Potter series written by the fabulous J.K. Rowling. The world and most of the characters belong to her. Thank you, J.K., for letting me borrow them.

 **Plot:** This is a story about a boy entering into his final year at Hogwarts with his two best friends, Fred Weasley and Alice Longbottom, by his side, all of them determined to go out with a bang. This is a story about a boy who lived and breathed Quidditch and craved that elusive Quidditch Cup more than anything to prove to himself and to the world that this was what he was born to do. This is a story about a boy who was desperate to find his place in a world that only ever saw him as Harry Potter's son, a boy who had to go through a lot of twists and turns to get there. This is a story about friendship and love and tragedy and everything in between. This is the story of James Sirius Potter.

* * *

 **A WAY WITH WORDS**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 1: At The Beginning

 _"Life is a road that I wanna keep going  
_ _Love is a river, I wanna keep flowing  
_ _Life is a road, now and forever, wonderful journey  
_ _I'll be there when the world stops turning  
_ _I'll be there when the storm is through  
_ _In the end I wanna be standing  
_ _At the beginning with you."  
_ -Richard Marx & Donna Lewis

* * *

"Atta boy, Kip!" I cheered as the seven-year-old boy kicked off from the grass without falling. It was sadly a rather huge accomplishment for the kid who had spent the last four weeks in tears every time I even suggested getting into the air. Falling off on his first day of camp did that to a young boy I suppose. So I had been unsuccessfully trying to coach him into giving it another go ever since but today was the first time he actually removed his feet from the grass.

"I'm flying, I'm flying!" he shouted.

I decided not to completely crush him by informing him that hovering a mere inch over the grass didn't exactly count as flying.

With a chuckle, I merely said, "Yes, you are."

My father had insisted I get a summer job prior to my final year at Hogwarts. He was under the impression that my test scores wouldn't be nearly enough to secure a decent job after graduation (he was right) and ignored me when I told him I didn't need test scores to become a famous Quidditch player. He had suggested contacting Uncle Percy for a Ministry summer internship or talking to Mum about getting me a job in the mailroom at _The Daily Prophet_. I grumbled and complained for a few days until landing the job of camp counselor at a Quidditch day camp alongside my cousin and best mate, Fred.

I'm fairly certain that wasn't what my father had in mind when he told me to get a job but perhaps he should have been more specific.

I loved Quidditch. Quidditch was my life. I lived and breathed it nearly every day. Whether I was on my broom or listening to a match on the radio or watching a match from the stands or chatting about stats with my mates, not a day went by that Quidditch wasn't on my mind. So getting paid to play and teach Quidditch to a bunch of wide-eyed, innocent kids looking for some fun in the sun seemed like a win-win for me. My father, however, was under the impression that I couldn't dedicate my entire life to a game. That was usually the point in our conversations when I walked away.

I'm sure you've heard of my father. Harry Potter. Savior of the wizarding world. The guy who singlehandedly (except not) caused Voldemort's demise. All hail King Potter.

No seriously, there were people out there that worshipped him. Literally worshipped him. Had shrines of the guy hanging in their house that they prayed to morning, noon, and night.

Move aside while I hurl.

He may be some celebrity or a God to others but to me he was just my nagging father.

The one good thing about having a job was not having to see him so much over the summer.

"They should really consider getting some air conditioning out here," Fred Weasley said as he wandered up behind me, swiping the sweat off his brow.

"It's called winter, mate," I said with a smirk. "How'd little Naomi do today?"

Fred's eyes lit up. "I'm telling you, she could skip Hogwarts and go straight into the big leagues! Her dives are even better than Bishop's," he spoke with a grin. Hesitating, he said, "Er, don't tell her I said that."

"Naomi couldn't be recruited to the majors until she was sixteen," I pointed out. "So don't go putting your agent cap on yet."

Fred pondered my words for a moment. "I could totally be a sports agent."

"Except you're already planning on going into business with your dad."

Fred paused again. "I could be the first ever joke-shop franchiser slash sports agent."

"Both of those are full-time jobs, mate. When would you have time to get laid?"

"Ah, good point," he said with a vigorous nod. "Sports agent it is."

My eyebrow popped up. "Your father will be so disappointed in you."

He merely shrugged before we were interrupted by Kip behind me. "What does 'get laid' mean?"

As Fred tried desperately to hold in his laughter, I could only grimace. Growing up with my share of younger siblings and cousins, I knew there was a very good chance that Kip would go back to his parents and ask him that same question. And then I could possibly be out of a job which meant my father would adopt his trademark disappointment face followed quickly by a lecture.

Not that that's different from any other day of course.

"Hey, Kip, why don't you show Freddie here your flying skills?" I suggested, knowing that the only way to stop Kip from repeating our words was to change the subject quickly and let him forget all about it.

Kip frowned before shaking his head. "I don't want to," he said softly.

Oh, great. Now the kid was back to being scared. This was going to be a long summer.

Did I mention it was already half over?

An hour later, the scrimmages were winding down as parents began arriving to scoop up their children. Fred and I stuck around as the camp directors, a married couple by the surname of Rutherford who had once been a wicked chaser duo for the Tornadoes, gave us their usual speech and next-day instructions before we were able to break away.

"You want to stop by Leaky Cauldron and see if AliCat will give us free drinks?" Fred asked, clapping me on the back.

I made a face. "How quickly you forget that we have plans with the crazies tonight."

Fred's expression turned into slight bewilderment before displeasure settled into his green eyes. "Uncle Harry's birthday," he murmured.

Yes, Fred and I referred to our overabundant family as the crazies.

Are you really that surprised?

"I'll definitely need a drink for that," Fred groaned.

I glanced down at the watch my parents got me for my seventeenth birthday and shrugged. "One drink won't kill us."

 **XOXOXOXO**

* * *

"ALICAT!"

The brunette behind the bar jumped as Fred yelled out her name. She whirled around, breaking out into grins upon seeing me and Fred strolling into the pub. Per usual, Alice Longbottom had her chestnut curls twisted into an effortless ponytail. Her big blue eyes stood out against her dark skin that had turned tan the very first time she stepped out into the sun that summer. She was tall, towering over most girls, with legs that went on for days but don't even think about commenting on her legs because the one time Dashiell Finnigan dared to do so, he wound up in the hospital wing.

"Hiya, boys," she greeted, slipping out from behind the bar to embrace us both. She quickly ducked away though with a grimace. "You couldn't have at least showered before showing up here?"

"You like us smelly," I teased, tugging at the end of her ponytail and expectedly earning a punch to the shoulder.

"I barely like you when you're not smelly," she responded, her upper lip twitching in outward amusement.

"Lies!" Fred boasted.

She could only chuckle. "What are you guys even doing here?" she questioned, nodding to two empty bar stools at the bar counter. We took them over as she slid behind the bar once again. "Aren't you supposed to be at the Burrow in an hour?"

"I don't like that you know my schedule," I pouted.

She chuckled. "I don't memorize it, you tosspot. Dad and I are planning on stopping by later."

"Where is dear ol' Herbology daddy anyway?" Fred questioned.

"Upstairs dealing with a customer who claims we stole all of his shoes out of his room," she sighed.

"Why would you want some random guy's shoes?" I said.

"The question of the hour," she responded with a mere shrug. "Now run along you two before AJ catches you and literally throws you out of here."

"Yeah, she does like to do that," Fred said, stroking his chin.

"C'mon, Ace," I said with an innocent smile, "Hook us up for a drink or five before we have to skedaddle."

Let's ignore the fact that I just used the word skedaddle.

She shot me a look. "I can't give you any more free drinks, Jay. My sister will have my head."

"She gives free drinks to Vic all the time," Fred pointed out.

"Vic shows up here maybe once a month unlike you two goons who disrupt this place at least once a day."

"Did she just call us goons, Freddo?" I huffed.

"Why, I think she did, Jameso."

"What do you think we should do about that, Freddo?"

"I think we should tackle her until she caves, Jameso."

"Don't make me spray you with the water faucet," Alice sighed. Hesitating, she added, "Again."

I could only chuckle. "We just got paid yesterday so I suppose we can spare a few knuts for our favorite barmaid."

Alice rolled her eyes as she poured a firewhisky and cola for me and grabbed a lager for Fred. One of the many things I loved about her was that she knew our order without even having to ask.

"Don't go easy on the firewhisky, Ace," I said, looming over the bartop. "If I have to get through tonight, I'll need to have a sufficient buzz."

She rolled her eyes. "I will not be held responsible for whatever drunken actions will most likely take place at your father's birthday party tonight."

I was going to argue just for the sake of arguing but was interrupted by a scowling voice I unfortunately knew all too well. "Oy, what do you two think you're doing here!?"

Enter Alice's sister.

AJ (her given name was Augusta Jezebel but if you call her that, you'll get a karate chop to the neck), strolled out of the kitchen holding two plates and a glare etched into her face. "I have strict instructions to send you both home immediately if I found you lurking about after your kiddie camp."

"Did she just call it a kiddie camp, Freddo?" I scoffed.

"Why, I believe she did, Jameso."

"What should we do about it, Freddo?"

"We should-"

"For the love of Circe, please shut up," AJ snapped, narrowing her eyes at the both of us. "Pay for those goddamned drinks and get home, alright?"

She shot us another glare before taking off to a table in the back to drop off their food orders.

"Your sister's a hardass, AliCat," Fred commented, dipping into his pocket for a few knuts and dropping it on to the bartop before reaching for his drink.

"Maybe if you two didn't taunt her every second you come around here, she might like you more."

I snorted. "I doubt that considering she's always thought I was a bad influence on you."

"You are a bad influence on me, Jay," she smirked, winking at me before handing me my drink. "Now hurry up and get out."

I flashed her a grin. "I bet that you say that to all the guys."

She rolled her eyes as Fred doubled over in laughter beside me. "I'm going over to that side of the bar now," she said. "When I get back, you two won't be here."

"I think she's kicking us out, Freddo."

"Why, I think you're right, Jameso."

"What should we do about it, Freddo?"

"Glue our bums to these chairs and never leave?"

"Hear, hear!" I said with a chortle as Alice merely rolled her eyes and waltzed off.

Alice Longbottom and I have known each other since the very day she was born. I was only a month old at the time so the details are fuzzy but evidently we became instant friends. Mum liked to remind me that I used to follow her around as a toddler like some sort of puppy dog and when I became fussy, Alice would make faces at me and that was the only way I would smile. These were unfortunately the type of embarrassing stories that always wound up being detailed during our family gatherings (hence why I insisted on calling my family the crazies), but I had long stopped being bothered by it. Seventeen years of friendship was a rather big accomplishment for me considering my (nonexistent) track record with commitment so now I just took pride in that.

She and I have been together through it all. I was there for her when her mother died. She was there for me when I realized my father was a fraud and a liar. We were there for each other when we made the Quidditch team. She was the only person who has ever seen me cry. I was the only person who knew how to calm her down from a panic attack. There were some things that only Alice knew about me. Things that even Fred didn't know. I honestly didn't trust a lot of people in my life. Probably only Alice and Fred if I was being completely frank. But I had long decided that I didn't really need anyone else in my life besides those two.

And Quidditch. I definitely needed Quidditch.

"C'mon," Fred said as he chugged the rest of his drink, "Let's bust out of here before AJ finds a reason to give us pig snouts."

I sighed. "Again."

 **XOXOXOXO**

* * *

I got scolded by Mum the moment I walked through the door. No lecture from good ol' Pops but he did stare over his paper disapprovingly. Then again, that was the usual look I received from him. Albus was in the kitchen chatting away with the two of them, though all he did was smirk at me as he continued discussing the rise of bamboo fluids in poisonous potions (he actually reads the newspaper every day; who the hell does that at his age?). There was no sign of Lily which probably meant she was holed up in her bathroom curling her hair and doing her makeup or whatever it is girls did in there.

Twenty minutes later, we were all flooing to the Burrow and I've never been so happy to see the crazies if it meant getting my mother off my back.

It came as no surprise that Fred was there with his own shower-soaked hair. We smirked at each other before he returned to chewing out his fifteen-year-old sister for supposedly making googly-eyes at the next door neighbor's pool boy.

" _Pool boy_?" I groaned, inserting myself into their conversation. "Oh, Rox, don't you know that as a Weasley we are not expected to slum it with the poor?"

Roxanne shot me a dirty look. "Right, because you always care about your reputation? Wasn't it just last week that _Witch Weekly_ posted a few photos in their gossip section of you stumbling out of the Dragon's Lair with two skanky girls on each of your arms?"

As Fred smirked beside me, I merely shrugged. "We're not talking about my dating habits, we're talking about yours."

"I wasn't aware you knew what the word 'dating' even meant," she drawled.

"Once again, we aren't talking about me here," I dismissed. "Stay away from pool boys, Rox, if you know what's good for you."

"Don't you have some other Weasley to gang up on?" she snapped before spinning on her heel and disappearing from the room.

"Ooh, who should we choose next?" Fred said gleefully. "Does Dom have a new boyfriend we can tease her about? Has Lily been flirting with any chumps? Has Al gotten less cool in the past hour?"

"Like that's possible," I snorted. "And Lily better think twice before flirting with anyone or that guy is going to get a lethal hex to the head."

Fred chuckled knowingly. The two of us had taken it upon ourselves long ago to hex any guy who so much as blinked at our female relatives. We assumed that was the older brother's prerogative, though Lily and Roxanne didn't always think so.

Louis interrupted us then. "Hey," he greeted, "How's kiddie camp going?"

Fred and I turned around to greet our cousin and friend. "We're making money," I pointed out. "Can't complain."

Louis chuckled. "Having money certainly has its advantages," he spoke as he had just started out as a Quidditch announcer at the local radio station. "Until I take out girls on dates and they drain all that money from my bank account slowly and painfully."

Fred snorted while I shrugged. "Precisely why I don't date, Loucifer," I said.

One of the things that Fred, Louis, and I had in common was our lack of commitment skills. I may be tooting my own horn here a bit but we were all rather good-looking blokes and if that wasn't enough, all we had to do was drop our surname and the girls were putty in our hands. Louis had one girlfriend in his sixth year that lasted three months before he chucked her but Fred and I never even pretended to be interested in monogamy. And since that disastrous break-up for Louis (the girl set his hangings on fire and tossed all of his robes in the lake), he strayed from relationships as well. We all had our reasons for designating our lives to sole bachelorhood and we stuck by them.

With a knowing nod, Louis said, "So what do you think the odds of there being alcohol around here?"

My eyes lit up. "Well, my motto is always 'where there's Uncle Ron, there's liquor.'"

We weaved our way through the crowd of people in an attempt to seek out Uncle Ron, though that took far longer than necessary as we got stopped by every freckly-faced, redheaded relative imaginable.

Okay, fine, only two-thirds of us have red hair. My brother and I were lucky to dodge that bullet having inherited our father's dark hair though Lily was the epitome of a ginger. Fred and Roxanne were half-black and holy kneazles could you imagine red hair on their dark skin?

Hold on, I'm still laughing.

Victoire had blonde hair like her mother but all other Weasley cousins had been cursed with the Weasley trademark that is the ginger. To say we didn't know how to stand out was very much untrue.

I had already been stopped by Percy and his wife, Audrey (he wanted to know if we've received our Hogwarts' letters yet. I'm pretty sure he was living vicariously through me but who wouldn't want to do that?) and I stopped to chat about the upcoming professional Quidditch season with Fred's mother, Angelina. Next, we ran into Victoire and Teddy who somehow convinced me to babysit two-year-old Dora that weekend (her chubby face was unfortunately irresistible) and just when I spotted Ron outside at the picnic table with his wife and Fred's father, Rose stopped us to tell us to quit picking on Roxanne and her dating habits. That had Fred shouting at Rose that Roxanne wasn't allowed to date so there should be no dating habits. Always the calm, cool, and collected one of the group, Rose merely flipped him off before walking away to find Albus.

"Ronniekins!"

Ron glanced up, a scowl on his face. "How many times have I told you not to call me that, Fred?" he groaned.

Fred grinned, hopping on to the top of the picnic table as his father reached over to high-five him.

"This is your fault, George," Ron sighed.

George merely shrugged. "I can't help that my son has the same penchant towards nicknames that I do," he grinned, clapping his son on the shoulder.

"Ron already _is_ a nickname," he muttered.

"Give it up, kid. The nickname stays."

"Kid?" Hermione chimed in with a chuckle. "There's certainly a nickname that's no longer relevant."

George pondered this. "Big kid?"

"Could make it BK for short," I spoke.

"Oy, don't you go helping them, James!" Ron groaned.

"I like it," George said with a nod. "Alright, from now on, Ronniekins here will be dubbed BK. Spread the word."

" _Don't any of you dare spread the word_."

Hermione giggled, leaning over to press a kiss to his cheek. "On that note, I'm going to go see if your mother needs help with dinner. Don't get into too much trouble while I'm gone, BK."

Ron scowled at her while the rest of us burst into laughter but she mere winked at her husband before disappearing off to the kitchen.

"Alright, now that's she's gone, why don't you dig out the flask we all know you're hiding," I spoke, holding out my hand expectantly.

"I do not know what you're talking about," Ron said huffily.

I rolled my eyes. "We go through this every time, Uncle Ron. We beg for the flask. You say you don't have one. We ask again. You still claim not to have one. We promise not to tell your wife about the time we all went bar-hopping and a twenty-something grinded up against you on the dance floor. You inevitably hand the flask over. Let's cut out the middle bullshit and jump straight to the end."

Louis, Fred, and George were doubled over in laughter as Ron attempted to look unamused. The edges of his mouth kept twitching upward, however, proving that he wasn't as annoyed as he was pretending to be.

Ron sigh, drawing the flask from the back pocket of his jeans. "Don't tell your parents, James," he murmured.

I grinned, taking a swig before handing it off to Louis. Fred took one next and then George and then Ron took one for good measure before repocketing it.

If you hadn't realized it by now, Ron was my favorite uncle.

The only thing I could fault him for was being friends with my douchebag father.

I wondered if it was bad karma talking poorly about someone on their birthday. Just in case it was, I decided I'd join in on singing 'Happy Birthday' to him later.

Though if you've heard me singing, it's bound to have the opposite effect I was going for.

Oh, well. I'm singing anyway.

 **XOXOXOXO**

* * *

About the only thing that ever went right at Potter-Weasley gatherings was that a game of Quidditch always broke out. It was almost unfair how many of us had been born with incredible Quidditch talent. I don't mean your run-of-the-mill, mediocre, play-for-fun kind of Quidditch talent. I mean real, genuine, potential professional Quidditch talent. Mum had played for the Holyhead Harpies for five seasons twenty years ago until she up and got pregnant with little ol' me. Angelina had been on the Tornadoes for three seasons before she married George and decided to retire (way too young if you ask me). George, Harry, and Ron had played on their Hogwarts teams when they were teenagers. Louis had played and Captained the Gryffindor Quidditch team up until he graduated last year. Fred and I were on our Gryffindor team and Hugo was a reserve. Albus was a chaser on the Slytherin team. Roxanne was the seeker on the Ravenclaw team. Rose was a talented chaser though she adamantly refused to be on a team with her obnoxious cousins (can't imagine who she was referring to as Fred and I are hardly obnoxious) and Lily was a nimble seeker herself but Sadie Bishop had claimed the seeker position for Gryffindor during my fifth year so Lily hadn't exactly had the chance to try out since. Which was good because she'd inevitably just distract me on the field.

Currently, thirteen people had opted to participate in the backyard Quidditch game. I was thankful when my father decided to sit this one out and instead ref the game, claiming it was a lot more fun to call fouls on his family than to be knocked off his broom at his age. I decided not to point out that George and Angelina were older than him and still participating because I was relieved not to have to play against my father.

"We need a fourteenth," Fred said to me.

I rolled my eyes. "Wow, really showing off your math skills there, aren't you, Freddo."

I ducked out of the way as he attempted to swat at me with an old Cleansweep. My grandparents kept all of their kids' old brooms stashed in their house for these spontaneous Quidditch games (though can they really be considered spontaneous when they always happen when the whole family is together?).

"What about Molly?" Fred suggested, nodding towards our older cousin who was currently chatting away with Victoire on the sidelines. By sidelines, I meant the edge of the forest. Chairs and blankets had been conjured and currently, the rest of the family resided there.

"She complains every time that we cheat," I groaned.

"We do cheat," Louis smirked from behind me.

I shot him a look. "Why don't you ask your sister?"

"Which one?" he snorted. Hesitating, he shook his head. "Actually, it doesn't matter. Neither will say yes. They haven't flown in years."

"Oy, boys, what's taking so long?" Harry's voice cried out from the middle of the pitch (empty field).

"Quit your whining, ref, or you may find yourself with a birthday cake to the face later!" Louis cried back with a teasing grin.

"How is that different from any other birthday party?" he countered.

He had a point. Most of his birthday shenanigans included a backyard food fight.

"Think we can wrangle another uncle?" Fred contemplated. "Bill perhaps?"

"What about Lucy? You think she has any Quidditch skills?" I questioned, referring to the youngest of the Weasley clan who was entering her first year of Hogwarts.

They grow up so fast, don't they?

"Right, like Percy would let her play," Louis snorted, shooting me a knowing look. "He knows how brutal these matches can get."

"Well, we're running out of options unless someone sits out and we only play with two chasers," I spoke.

Fred and Louis seemed to be interested in his suggestion as footsteps came up behind us. Glancing over my shoulder, I saw Rose and Albus wandering our way. "Seriously, _what in Merlin's name_ is taking you guys so long?" the former snapped. "You line us up, Harry picks Captains, we pick teams, and we go. We've been doing this for seven years now. I would have thought you guys would have picked up on the policies quicker."

Albus snorted beside her.

"Hm, you're right, Al. Then again, it is these three imbeciles we're dealing with."

I scowled at her. I really hated it when they seemed to know what each other was thinking without actually voicing it aloud.

"How are we the imbeciles when you apparently can't do basic math?" I shot back with a smirk, gesturing towards the group that were huddled behind her.

"So kick one of them out and we'll play a chaser down," she pointed out.

"Well, lookie here, sounds like we have a volunteer," Fred boasted with his own smirk. His smirk was different than mine. Mine was usually a I'm-better-than-you-and-we-all-know-it smirk. His was usually an innocent-until-proven-guilty smirk. Big difference.

"Like hell," she snapped at him since snapping was her preferred tone. "If anyone should back down, it should be one of you. You play enough Quidditch at school as it is."

"You could play, too, if you bothered to try out," I pointed out.

"And get bossed around by you two? Count me out."

"Sounds like someone is scared they're not good enough to play in the big leagues," Fred smirked.

"I could beat you with one hand tied behind my back, Fred."

"I'd like to see you try, kid."

A heated argument was definitely about to break out, but it was interrupted by a rather timely arrival by Alice, AJ, and her father.

"Why are we not surprised to see all of you out here?" Neville laughed as the three of them strolled into the open field. "Happy Birthday, Harry!"

Fred and my eyes lit up immediately. "I call having Ace on my team!" I said.

"Nuh uh, you had her last time!" he whined.

"We haven't even picked teams yet," Albus pointed out with the roll of the eyes. I shot him a look. It was so unlike him to not have Rose do the talking for him.

"Fine," I said with a shrug. "Ace, get your cute little butt over here!"

"And there officially goes my lunch," Rose growled as she grabbed Albus' arm and dragged them over to the rest of the family, presumably to tell them that the reason behind our delay was the stupidity of her cousins.

Again, can't imagine who she might be referring to.

While AJ joined Victoire on the sidelines, Alice wandered over to where Louis, Fred, and I were convened. "I would have thought you'd be knee-deep in this game by now."

"We were just waiting for you to show up, dah-ling," Fred teased, draping his arm around her shoulders.

She shoved him off with a roll of the eyes. "Well, then what are we waiting for?"

Dad picked George and Angelina to be Captains and so the schoolyard pick began. I wound up on Angelina's team with Louis, Rose, Roxanne, Hugo, and Ron. George's team consisted of Fred, Alice, Teddy, Albus, Lily, and Ginny. Both teams were fairly equal so it was a tossup as to who might actually win.

Dad blew his makeshift whistle and we were all off in the air. This was definitely the best part of the Burrow – the empty cleared field half a mile up the road hidden by a circle of trees where we could play Quidditch without worrying being seen by anyone.

"And it's Rose with the quaffle first heading towards the rings!"

"HOOPS! THEY'RE CALLED HOOPS!" Louis yelled at his twenty-year-old sister with a loud groan.

I laughed at him and he shot me a grin. "You'd think she didn't grow up in a Quidditch family, am I right?" Louis snorted.

I laughed, not at all surprised that Dominique had taken over as announcer for the game. Announcing must run in the family. Louis just recently got an incredible gig being a radio personality for the WWN Quidditch station and was already traveling the globe announcing for Quidditch games. He had momentarily considered playing professional Quidditch at the end of his seventh year, and even received an offer from an overseas reserve team but decided he wasn't willing to move away from England just to be a second-rate Quidditch player.

Louis disappeared from my side and I used that time to catch Rose's eye, who tossed me the quaffle. I ducked and flipped Teddy off when he attempted to slam a bludger into my arm. I could have weaved my way past George and towards the hoops, but I saw Angelina flying wide open and reluctantly tossed her the quaffle. She sprinted towards the hoops but was easily stopped by a well-placed bludger from Teddy. She swerved and let out a curse word that had Grandmum scolding her from the grass and had the rest of us bursting into laughter for it.

"And the quaffle is now in the hands of the only non-Weasley, non-Potter on the field, the beautiful Alice Catherine Longbottom!"

"Aw, why thank you, Dom!" she cried out as she tucked the quaffle under her arm and sprinted towards the opposite hoops. Louis sent a bludger her way but she managed to duck gracefully and seamlessly passed the quaffle to Albus who quickly passed it off to our mother. I saw Mum glance towards Alice and was pleased when Hugo tossed a bludger her way, so she passed it back to Albus instead who now had a clear shot towards the three hoops.

Louis tried angling the bludger in his direction but it missed my brother and with a quick loop in the air, Albus glanced towards the right hoops but tossed the quaffle towards the left.

We all cheered when Ron stopped the quaffle from soaring through, a triumphant grin on his face. "Ah, I still got it!" he boasted.

An hour had quickly rolled by and the score was seventy-sixty in favor of our team when I heard Dominique cry out, "Aha, the snitch has been spotted!"

I'm pretty sure every member of both teams stopped what they were doing to look around as Roxanne and Lily raced towards the far end of the pitch. Both were fast and Lily had had a head start which unnerved me because my least favorite thing on the planet was losing, but I had confidence in Roxanne to pull out the win. I mean, she was Ravenclaw's seeker. If she couldn't beat out someone who didn't even play on an actual Quidditch team, it would be a total embarrassment.

So when Lily came up with the snitch and her entire team broke out into cheers, I made sure to tell Roxanne she was a total embarrassment.

She kicked me in the shins.

"'We are the champions my friend,'" Alice and Fred were singing, their arms casually hanging on each other's shoulders, "'And we'll keep on fighting 'til the end.'"

"Neither one of you should ever take up professional singing," I drawled as we all headed back up towards the house for dinner.

"'We are the champions, we are the champions!'"

"I hate the both of you."

"'No time for losers,' – that's you, James – 'cause we are the— _AGH!_ "

I might have tackled Fred to the ground.

No one called me a loser.

No one.

I was hauled off the ground forcefully and glanced up as Teddy chuckled at me, shoving me to the side away from Fred. "If you break his leg, the Gryffindor team is down a beater," he reminded me.

Ah, he had a point. "So I'll just give him a black eye instead."

"Oy, not the face! My face is too pretty for black eyes!" Fred gasped dramatically.

I attempted to kick him in the shin but he was smart enough to run off. Glancing up towards Teddy, I said, "Sometimes I wonder why you married into this family."

A nostalgic smile fell across his face before he shook his head. "I didn't marry into this family. This family was already mine."

I pretended to gag which earned me a slap to the back of my head. Teddy was more like my actual brother than my godbrother. We had grown up together. His parents had tragically died during the war and he had never gotten the chance to know them. His grandmother had taken care of him growing up but Teddy was a constant guest at Potter Manor. He had once told me that he was pretty sure he had fallen in love with Victoire when he was six and she was four and she jumped into the river fully-clothed to catch a leaping frog. Every time he got nostalgic on me, I wanted to vomit, but I also understood that all he had ever wanted was someone to love him the way his parents never had the chance to. So I couldn't fault him for marrying the girl who loved him with every fiber of her being the first chance he got.

"So how's it going teaching Dora how to say 'Uncle James?'" I teased him.

"Sorry, she's too focused on saying 'Yilly' and 'Al.'"

I scowled. "Oy, what are you teaching that girl, T?"

"Their names are easier for her to say!"

"So teach her how to say _Jay_."

"You can teach her when you babysit her on Sunday night."

My eyes lit up. "She will not rest until she says my name."

"Her bedtime is seven, J."

" _She will not rest until she says my—_ oof."

Another slap to the head.

I always missed Teddy when I was at Hogwarts, but I'm pretty sure the back of my head was feeling otherwise.

 **XOXOXOXO**

* * *

July rolled into August overnight and I was grateful for a Saturday. I honestly liked my job at the camp (not that I'd admit that to my father) but I also really liked having a lie in.

I strolled into the kitchen just after eleven that Saturday morning still in my ratty T-shirt and boxers.

"Y'know, there is such thing as changing into real clothes before venturing down the stairs. It leads to less emotional scarring for your adorable sister."

Lily was at the breakfast nook nibbling on a muffin when I shot her a look. "You must be mistaken. I only have an annoying sister. No adorable ones," I drawled as I took in what she was wearing – a black halter top and white cut-off shorts, if that's what you could even call them. "Uh, excuse me, where are your real clothes because there appears to be some fabric missing in your current getup," I scoffed as I grabbed a lemon poppyseed muffin from the kitchen island and joined her at the table.

She rolled her eyes. "Where did you end up last night after Dad's party?"

"Don't avoid the question."

"Your question is stupid," she drawled. "And I heard you rolling back here at three in the morning so I ask again, where did you go?"

"Went back to the Leaky Cauldron with Fred, Lou, and Ace," I said, stuffing a piece of muffin in my mouth. "We played a game of 'who could get kicked out the fastest by AJ.'"

Lily rolled her eyes again. I feared they might one day get stuck to the top of her lids. "Aren't you supposed to _not_ try and get kicked out?"

And what's the fun of that?

"Riling AJ up is one of our favorite pastimes," I smirked.

"You love to rile everyone up, James."

She made an excellent point.

"Got any plans today?" I questioned.

She narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "What's it to you?"

"A guy asks a simple question."

Finishing off her blueberry muffin, she said, "Hugo and I are meeting up with some friends in Diagon Alley."

"What friends?"

She shot me another look. "And once again I say, _what's it to you_?"

Hey, someone had to make sure my sister stays innocent forever and if that meant stopping every young male from getting anywhere near her, I was going to do that.

I just shrugged. "Anyone joining you of the male persuasion?"

She looked like she wanted to smash my muffin in my face. "Yeah, _Hugo_ ," she deadpanned.

I rolled my eyes, pulling the muffin closer to me just for good measure. " _And_?"

"Rayne," she smirked, referring to her female friend.

I shot her a look. "I said male persuasion and last I checked, Rayne Cummings was very much not male."

She narrowed her eyes. "Well, stop checking because that sounded really creepy."

Hey, I can't help that Rayne had somehow grown up over the past few years. She was blonde and beautiful and there was no way a guy couldn't notice that.

I didn't say that of course because that would have had Lily throwing the entire basket of muffins at me. "You're avoiding my question."

"I know."

" _Lily_."

" _James_."

"I'm going to find out eventually what guy has got your fancy and I'm going to pound him into the ground so you might as-"

"No guy has got my fancy!" she groaned. "Am I going into Diagon Alley with Hugo, Rayne, and CJ? Yes, but that doesn't mean anything except that we are all friends."

I narrowed my eyes. "CJ, hm?"

She rolled her eyes. "And once again you don't listen to a word I'm saying," she drawled.

Continuing to ignore her, I said, "Yeah, there's no effing way you're leaving the house wearing that."

"Screw you, James. You're not my father."

I opened my mouth to comment but someone else beat me to the punch. "No, but I am," Dad said as he wandered into the kitchen. "Something I need to know?"

"Tell Lils she can't-"

"Stop calling me that!"

"-leave the house wearing that," I pleaded with Dad.

C'mon, Dad, back me up for once.

Dad glanced over at his daughter hesitantly. "You can't leave the house wearing that."

Thank you, Daddy Dearest.

She glared at him. "You just don't want to argue with your stubborn son."

Dad shrugged. "Eh, it's easier arguing with you than him."

I grinned triumphantly, taking that as a compliment.

" _Dad_!"

"That is a rather low-cut top, don't you think?" he said with a quirked eyebrow.

"This a very normal-cut top, Dad!"

"I'm pretty sure it's missing some material up top," I argued. "Like, y'know, a turtleneck and some long sleeves?"

"Don't make me hex you, James!"

"No hexing in the house!" Dad groaned.

"Then I'll take it outside."

Dad sighed. "Not exactly what I meant."

"Are you two picking on Lily again?"

We all looked up as Mum wandered into the kitchen with an unimpressed look in her eyes.

"No," I said quickly.

"Never," Dad argued.

"Yes!" Lily whined.

Mum wasn't sure whether to roll her eyes or chuckle as she turned back to face me and Dad. "I swear messing with that girl's head is the only time you two actually get along."

That's because the only thing we had in common was keeping Lily away from boys until she was thirty. Maybe even forty.

I'd be fine with fifty, too.

"Tell her she's not going out like that, dear," Dad said, dropping on to the chair opposite me.

Mum glanced over at Lily and shrugged. "I think she looks beautiful."

Lily beamed as I let out a groan and Dad made a face. "She does not look beautiful, she looks like a hooker!" I argued.

Mum's eyebrow shot up. "And how exactly would you know what a hooker looks like?"

How the hell did this backfire on me?

"Is that really what we should be focusing on right now?" I scoffed. "You can't possibly be okay with your daughter wearing that. What will people think? Nope, let me rephrase. _What will guys think_?"

"They'll think 'ooh, that girl is wearing clothes so obviously she's looking for me to leer at her inappropriately,'" Mum drawled.

 _"Exactly_."

"I was being sarcastic."

" _I wasn't_ ," I huffed.

"I already have one father, I don't need another!" Lily snapped at me.

"Hey, he's doing a good job at filling that role right now," Dad said with a shrug. "It gets me out of a fight with you which I'm rather fond of."

"Will you be fond of the situation when I _murder your effing son_?"

Probably.

I kept that thought to myself.

"Watch your language, Lily," Mum sighed.

"That's the part you focus on?" she groaned.

Mum was saved from having to answer Lily by an owl swooping in through the kitchen window. My initial thought was thank Merlin for the interruption until I noticed the Hogwarts seal on three separate envelopes and knew I was about two minutes away from getting a lecture regarding what I can only assume are less than respectable exam marks.

"Ooh, Hogwarts letters are here!" Mum squealed. She actually squealed. It only made me groan harder. She disappeared into the living room, yelling up the stairs, "ALBUS! HOGWARTS LETTERS ARE HERE!"

Wonderful. He'd be parading through here any minute and shove his O.W.L. scores right in my face and my parents will fawn over him like the favorite child he clearly was even if Mum and Dad would never admit it aloud.

Sure enough, I heard his thunderous footsteps clamoring down the stairs and both he and Mum eagerly strolled into the kitchen.

I wondered if I had enough time to escape out the back door and apparate to the Leaky Cauldron.

"Here," Mum said, thrusting my letter in my hands.

Apparently not.

I was ready to just chuck the letter in the fire when the heaviness of it made me freeze in anticipation. My eyes widening, I immediately tore it open and sure enough, a badge fell out that said "CAPTAIN."

"YES!" I shouted, jumping out my chair and startling dear ol' Dad who ended up toppling out of his chair.

As Lily laughed at him, Dad scrambled off the floor with a grunt. "I have to imagine that 'yes' couldn't have possibly been in response to your exam marks, so what's with the excitement?"

I held up the badge. "I got Quidditch Captain!"

No one in the room looked surprised, which they shouldn't have because I had been campaigning for the position since my very first day of practice back when I was a wee third year. The only person who could have been competition for the position was Alice seeing as she was far more responsible than I was, but I outshined her on the pitch just slightly. Fred was an excellent beater but he was unreliable so I knew the Captainship wouldn't go to him.

"Well, duh," Albus snorted, rolling his eyes at me.

"Yeah, like we didn't all know that was going to happen," Lily said before ripping open her own letter. She tossed her exam marks to Mum and read through her letter.

"Congratulations, James. You deserve—wait a minute, Lily, I thought Transfiguration was your favorite subject. Why did you only get an A in it?" Mum questioned my sister.

Lily rolled her eyes as she glanced over Mum's shoulder at the marks. "That's what you focus on? Not the two Os I got?"

" _Lily_."

"Professor Eckleberry has it out for me," she said with a shrug.

"All of us actually," I chimed in. "She has a grudge against celebrities or something."

"And yet she and I get along just fine," Albus drawled.

I opened my mouth to tell him to fuck off but was cut off by Lily. "That's because you're a brown-nosing suckup."

I laughed, ignoring the glare both of my parents were sending my sister. "Atta girl, Lils."

" _Stop calling me that_."

"Lily, does this have something to do with those several owls I received at the end of last year regarding a certain girl's cheek in class?" Mum sighed, narrowing her eyes at her daughter.

Being cheeky in class must be genetic because I got it, too. Albus didn't, but I'm convinced he was adopted.

Except he was a spitting image of Dad.

Maybe I was the one who was adopted.

Actually, that didn't sound half bad.

"Correcting the professor's wrist placement on a spell is hardly cheek, Mum," Lily drawled.

" _You corrected a professor_?"

"She was teaching it wrong!"

Mum only groaned, glancing over at my father who clearly was trying to hide his smile. "She must be your daughter."

"Sounds more like she's Aunt Hermione's daughter," I smirked. "Ooh, I can see the headlines now: Famous Harry Potter Has Affair With Best Friend's Wife."

"That headline has already been done about three times," Dad drawled.

Oh, right. The press did love to pick on dear ol' Dad whether the news was true or not.

"Well, go on, Al," Dad said, changing the subject. "Open your letter and show us your O.W.L. scores."

Cue the gushing pride that will no doubt spill from my pretentious parents.

Albus shrugged and obliged, digging into the letter. He pulled out the O.W.L. scores and with it fell a hard object that collided with the table and spun around on its backside.

I glanced at my brother in bewilderment. "What, did you lose your prefect badge and they had to replace it?" I snorted.

Albus shot me a look before reaching down and picking it up. Glancing at it, his eyes immediately went wide. "Holy Hufflepuff."

"What? What is it, Al?" Mum asked.

Yeah, what is it, Al? Did they decide no seventh year was worth the Head Boy spot so they gave it to you? Was one prefect badge not shiny enough for you? Was-

"I got Quidditch Captain."

Silence filled the kitchen before Mum and Dad cried out in excitement and the former rushed over to embrace her son (oh, sure, _him_ they hug), Lily became speechless for the first time in her entire life, and I yelled out a bit too loudly, "You have _got_ to be fucking _kidding_ me!?"

"Language!" Mum scolded.

Fuck my language, Mum.

"Read it and weep, bro," Albus smirked, tossing the badge at me.

The only one weeping around here will be you, Albus, when my team beats the shit out of yours in the final.

I moved to my side, letting his badge bounce towards the floor before I turned on my heel and stormed out.

"Where are you going? We haven't even looked at your exam results yet!" Mum called out after me.

"Sorry, Mum, I'm calling an emergency meeting of the Quidditch minds! Don't expect me back 'til late!"

The only good thing about Albus being Quidditch Captain is it got me out of showing my parents my exam results.

For now at least.

 **XOXOXOXO**

* * *

Alice said we could all converge at the Leaky Cauldron but I told her too many Hogwarts students ventured through there and I didn't want anyone overhearing so that's why we were in a seedy bar in West Elm. If my parents knew we were hanging around prostitute row (as it has been dubbed by the press over the years), I'd probably be grounded for a month.

Hell, if they knew half of what I got into when they weren't around, I'd probably be grounded for _life_.

Drinks were passed around by what I can only assume was a crossdresser for I could clearly see the adam's apple underneath her caked-on makeup and blonde wig. I was pleased that everyone was able to show up on short notice, though threatening them with two-days worth of running laps probably had them all dropping any hypothetical plans in a heartbeat.

To my left was Alice who still had a quill tucked behind her ear from when she was taking orders at the Leaky Cauldron. It had been easy tearing her away as her father was behind the bar and not her overbearing sister and he still believed his youngest daughter should go out and have fun on her summer break (maybe I should have Neville talk to my father…). Fred was there in wrinkled clothing for I had literally dragged him out of bed (he could sleep until three if given the chance). On the other side of the table sat our last two players of the team – sixth-year Jackson (Jax) Bloch who was Fred's second-half on the pitch and the broody Sadie Bishop, our star seeker.

If Jax somehow lost his club in the middle of the game, he could always just throw his body at someone because he was built like a bloody bouncer at a hip new club. He towered over all of us and his muscles were the size of my head. He must be on steroids, though if it helped lead to a win, I was more than willing to look the other way. On the completely opposite end of that spectrum, Sadie Bishop might be the tiniest person on the planet. She was just over five feet tall and must buy all of her clothes at Baby Gap because I'm certain nothing else would fit her. But her small size meant a large amount of speed and that made her one hell of a seeker.

"Hello, gang," I greeted, sipping on my firewhisky and cola. Yes, I was drinking at noon on a Saturday. That's when one did when they found out their perfect little brother got the Captain badge on the very same day that his older brother got it, too. "Before I get started, I might as well just start off by mentioning that I am your new Quidditch Captain."

"Well, call the press because none of us saw that one coming," Sadie snorted. Did I forget to mention she was also the sassiest person on the team?

I shot her a look. "You want laps, Bishop?"

"Season hasn't even started, _Potter_."

"I'm keeping a mental note."

She rolled her eyes. "I was on my way out the door when Longbottom showed up and told me to change my plans because you were calling an emergency meeting and if I didn't show, you'd force me to do laps for two days. If that didn't alert me to the fact that you got Captain, I'd be more concerned for your idiocy than I am already."

"Do you ever shut up, Bishop?" Fred groaned.

That answer was a very obvious _no_.

She shot him a nasty look and I was grateful when Alice chimed in. "Why don't we let James finish whatever speech he has prepared?"

"No speech," I argued. "I didn't have time for that. I just have an announcement."

"Yes, we already know you got Cap-"

"Not that!" I groaned, shooting Sadie a look. "This isn't about me getting Captain. It's about someone else getting Captain."

That got them all alert. Even Sadie kept her mouth shut (an impossible feat for her), wondering where I was going with this.

" _Well_?" Jax urged, finally speaking up.

Leaning back in my chair, I took a sip of my drink to stall before saying, "Albus Potter is the new Slytherin Captain."

Fred's eyes bulged out. Alice's butterbeer slipped out of her hands and crashed against the table. Jax looked like he wasn't sure what his reaction was supposed to be. And Sadie laughed.

 _She bloody laughed_.

"Oh, that is just so rich," she cackled, shaking her head. "Guess it pays to have a famous father."

OH, HELL, NO.

The rest of our reactions were a mix of the same: cries of outrage, glares, and most likely contemplation of pouring our drinks in the sixteen-year-old's face.

"Fuck off, Bishop," Jax snapped loudly.

"Are you bloody kidding?" Alice groaned.

"I hardly think McGonagall and the Heads of Households got together and used my uncle's notoriety to choose the Quidditch Captains," Fred barked at her. "And if you say another word on the matter, I'll throw this drink in your face."

Did I know my teammates or what?

Sadie was smart enough just to shrug as she glanced back at me. "So really, this isn't a meeting of the minds, it's a meeting to discuss bringing down your brother."

I shrugged. "I like to think of it as both."

"Well, what's the plan, Cappy?" Jax asked.

Cappy. I could get used to that.

I nursed my drink as I contemplated the question. "We have two spots to fill," I said, not that any of them could forget Louis and powerhouse Chastity Bladen graduating. We all knew it was a huge blow. Chastity had been offered a starting position for the Falmouth Falcons at our final match last year, literally minutes after we just lost and yet she still apparently made an impression enough for their offensive recruiter to seek her out right then and there. She was currently smashing records everywhere.

Let's pretend I wasn't completely jealous of her.

Alice, Chastity, and I had been unbeatable. Last year alone, we won every single regular season match outscoring the other House teams by almost triple.

We lost in the finals to Slytherin when their now-graduated seeker grabbed the snitch a half-second before Sadie could.

Sadie snapped her broom in half.

(She has since received a new one from her father.)

"Keeper and chaser," I continued, trying to block out last year's final from my mind. "Those are the positions we need to fill."

"Are you going to keep stating the obvious?" Fred smirked.

I flipped him off. "We have Hugo as a reserve so we could try and train him as a chaser or seeker," I spoke hesitantly.

"He's a beater at heart," Alice chimed in with a shrug. "I don't know if trying to train him as a chaser or seeker just because those are the open positions is such a smart idea."

I nodded, not surprised at all that Alice was the one to shoot the idea down. She knew the intricacies that came with Quidditch strategy just as much as I did. "I agree," I said with a nod. "I think it'd be best we give him another year of practice and he can take over Fred's spot next year."

"Who says someone else won't be better at beater next year?" Sadie questioned.

"Hey, remember that time Hugo knocked you out at practice because you weren't paying attention?" I shot back.

She glared at me but thankfully shut up.

Miracles really do come true.

"If anyone objects to not training Hugo for keeper or chaser, speak up now," I said.

Sadie opened her mouth, but I hastily added, "And not someone who wants to object just for the sake of opposing me."

Sadie hesitated before shutting her mouth.

Good girl.

"Please tell me that someone remembers tryouts from two years ago a little differently than I do because all I recall are a bunch of amateurs who couldn't fly if their lives depended on it," I sighed.

My heart sank when no one responded.

"Great," I muttered.

"What about Rose?" Fred offered.

"What about her? She refuses to try out with the two of us on the team."

Sadie smirked. "Problem solved. You two are out, Rose is in."

"Shut up, Bishop" was the unanimous response from the rest of us.

"We already have one bitch on the team," Jax drawled, ducking as a handful of peanuts got thrown at his head by Sadie. "We don't need another."

Those words confused me. "Aren't you and Rose friends?" I questioned curiously.

He frowned and looked away from me. "No," he muttered in a rather sulky tone.

Interesting. I was under the impression those two had become somewhat friendly ever since they both were named prefect in the prior year.

Well, as friendly as one could get with my stubborn, hotheaded cousin.

I wondered what happened to turn them against each other.

And then I sopped wondering because I had a Quidditch team to focus on and not some former friendship between two sixth years to fret about.

"There has to be a way to get Rose on the team," Fred sighed.

"I could try to sway her," Alice considered, a very obvious hint of hesitance in her tone.

"Like she won't see right through that?" Jax offered with a knowing look.

"Then you talk to her, Jax," Fred suggested. "Use that prefect bond you've got going."

Jax's jaw grew rigid. "We don't exactly talk Quidditch together," he spoke coolly and I knew then that some fight must have gone down between the two of them. (But once again, I didn't have time to care about that.) "If I try to bring it up now, she'll hex me and then ultimately hex you and James for attempting to use me to get to her."

"You really need to learn how to be sneaky and underhanded," I sighed.

"Aw, and grow up to be just like you?" he teased.

Hey, there were worse things than turning out like me.

"C'mon, Bloch. Take one for the team. If anyone here should talk to the girl, it should be you. Out of all the people here—hell, out of all the people in the world—you actually like her," Fred pointed out, shrugging. Hesitating, he said, "I think."

Jax frowned. "Bishop lives with the girl. Maybe she should ask."

That had us all bursting into laughter because 1) Sadie wasn't the type to beg for help and 2) Sadie and Rose hated each other just as much as the rest of us hated Sadie.

"That is the most ridiculous idea you have ever come up with, Bloch, which is saying a lot since your ideas are always laughable."

"Shut up, Bishop" was his very eloquent response.

Ignoring him, she said, "Why don't we just wait for actual tryouts before we start speculating. Maybe a diamond in the rough will appear."

"I don't like putting all my eggs in one basket, Bishop," I argued with a sigh.

"It doesn't appear you have more than one basket at the moment, Potter."

"We have a Rose basket," Fred shot back.

"That basket won't do you any good if she won't try out."

"It's still a basket that we haven't completely ruled out yet."

"I thought by rejecting the idea of you and AliCat and James _and_ Jax attempting to talk to her was ruling out said basket."

"Okay, can we please stop saying the word 'basket' now?" I groaned.

We were getting absolutely nowhere. What we needed was a miracle.

"Well, lookie what we have here."

I glanced up as Louis strolled over to our table.

He would have been a miracle if he had just flunked out of seventh year and had to repeat it.

I should have suggested this last year.

"What are you doing here, Loucifer? Don't you have some radio listeners to piss off?"

Louis rolled his eyes, gesturing for Fred to shove over as he took a seat beside him. "My time slot was this morning and you'd know that if you bothered to wake up before ten o'clock in the morning."

Like that was ever going to happen.

"I heard there was a meeting of the Quidditch minds going on," he said, grabbing Fred's drink and taking a sip. That earned him a smack to the shoulder but he barely noticed. "Which is ironic since I wasn't aware any of you actually had minds."

Fred smacked him again while the rest of just glared.

Louis flashed a smile. "I thought I could be of some assistance."

"Unless you can create a top-notch chaser and keeper out of thin air who are far superior to the team that unfortunately now belongs to my bloody brother, your assistance will have to be provided through the purchasing of our drinks."

"Dream on," he snorted. Hesitating, "Wait, what do you mean 'the team that now unfortunately belongs to your brother?'"

I slumped down with a groan as Alice spoke. "Albus is Slytherin's new Captain."

Louis' eyebrows shot up into his forehead. "Well, I'll be damned," he said with a low whistle. "Do you think Hattie turned it down or was she just overlooked?"

I wasn't surprised that he was looking at me with that question. Hattie Wilkes, a seventh-year chaser on the Slytherin team, also happened to be someone I frequently turned to when I was in need of a casual shag. I saw her just last week at a new club that opened up in Diagon Alley and we may or may not have shagged in the alley.

Except we definitely did.

Twice.

"She's made it pretty clear she never wanted to be Captain," I said with a shrug. "She's more focused on her studies. Chooses to play Quidditch because it's fun, not because she lives or swears by it."

"Wait, Quidditch can be _fun_?" Alice gasped with a bit of a smirk.

" _Winning_ is fun," I corrected. "Losing will get you laps."

"Why do I get the feeling we're all in for a very long season?" Sadie muttered.

She went ignored as usual.

"Well, if I could offer you some perspective here, it'll be that you are trying to fill some pretty big shoes," Louis muttered and the sad part was he wasn't even being arrogant. "Finding a keeper is never fun. As much as everyone thinks the seeker is the most important position on the team, if a team can rack up enough points through their chasers with a poor keeper performance, the seeker becomes secondary."

"Oh, that makes me feel so warm inside," Sadie muttered.

"So the keeper is key," Louis continued with a shrug. "If you don't find someone who knows how to read a trick shot coming their way, you're going to get scored on."

"Gee, is that how the game works?" Alice drawled.

Louis responded to her by swiping her drink and taking a swig. "But honestly, I think it's the chaser position you're going to have a hard time finding. Not because there aren't decent chasers out there but because James, AliCat, and Chastity have been playing together for three years. Three years to learn each other's idiosyncrasies. Three years to study each other's weakness and strengths. Three years to create the perfect trio. You guys knew what each other was thinking without having to say it. You knew when the others were going to go right or left. When they were planning to shoot or pass. You knew when-"

"Yeah, I think we get it," I interrupted, my fist clenching at my side. I was already aware of this. It's why I cried at the end of last year when I realized Chastity was leaving (not that anyone knew about that).

He shrugged. "You know what I think?"

"What, you haven't said it already?" I drawled.

"You need Rose."

I threw my hands up in the air. "Unless you're suggesting I Imperius her, and I'm not going to say that thought didn't cross my mind, she's never going to be on board!"

He shrugged. "You know what she's capable of, James. It'd give you a much-needed edge so you could focus on training your new keeper. And the fact of the matter is, everyone at that school is bloody scared of her so you've got that heavy advantage on your side on the pitch."

"Then _you_ convince her because we all know she won't listen to me."

"She won't listen to anyone," Fred muttered. "Stubborn little thing she is."

"So unstubbornize her," Louis said with a shrug.

"Yeah, that definitely isn't a word," Alice murmured.

"Or blackmail her," Louis said, his eyes lighting up. "There's got to be something we can use against her!"

"If you blackmail her, she'll be gunning for you, mate. Do you really want to get on Rose Weasley's bad side?" Fred pointed out.

"Isn't everyone on Rose's bad side?" he contemplated.

"Not Jax," Fred argued. "I mean, did we ever really turn down the idea of him chatting Rose up?"

"Stop trying to use me to get to Rose," Jax groaned. "We do patrols together occasionally and share a few classes together, but believe me, if I were the one to suggest she join the team, she'd turn my head into a bludger and chuck it at one of you while smiling very triumphantly."

Descriptive.

"I thought you guys were friends," Louis said to Jax.

"So did the rest of us but apparently not," Fred drawled.

"Rose isn't capable of keeping friends," Jax argued. "She's too much of a bitch to do so."

"Oy, watch it, that's our cousin," Louis growled. Hesitating, he added, "Although you're not wrong."

Jax merely shrugged.

"Well, damn," Louis said with his own shrug. "I thought Jax was your best bet of getting Rose on board."

While Jax rolled his eyes I just sighed and said to Louis, "Any other ideas, oh graduated one?"

He thought of it before shaking his head. "Nope."

I let out a rather irritated scoff. "Well, you've been immensely helpful," I drawled. "I think it's officially time for you to crawl back to that radio station of yours."

Louis climbed out of the bench with another shrug. "Actually, I've got to get to the Arrows stadium. I'm announcing their game tonight."

"Get me tickets and I'll forget how much your advice sucked," I said with a smirk.

He only laughed as he disappeared towards the door.

I had a feeling I'd be stuck listening to the Arrows game on the radio that night.

 **XOXOXOXO**

* * *

Sadie had left a few minutes after Louis when she realized our meeting of the minds had been a waste of time. Fred, Alice, Jax, and I stuck around reminiscing on our past Quidditch games while downing another few rounds of drinks. Jax may have been a year younger than us, but he spent more time on the pitch than he did in his own dorm, so he had quickly become a staple of the group.

It was just after six when Alice reluctantly said she had to get back to the Leaky Cauldron for the dinner rush, and the rest of us quickly followed her out. When I got home, my parents were waiting in the kitchen to give me an earful about my grades. I didn't scrape any Os (not surprising), received an E in Potions, and received As in everything else. You would have thought I received all failing grades the way Dad said he was disappointed in me but according to him I could easily get Os if I put more effort into my schoolwork and less into Quidditch.

I was going to be a professional Quidditch player after Hogwarts so why would I spend _less_ time on Quidditch and more on my studies?

Honestly! And they think that they're the smart ones?

I was forced to listen to them praise Albus' six Os and I only had to wait a few minutes before Dad said it couldn't hurt to be more like my brother.

I almost vomited right then and there.

I was plenty aware that if I spent more than a few minutes on my essays and actually paid attention in class and took a few hours out of my day to study for my final exams, I could easily scrape Os and be at the top of my class. But what was the fun in that? Disappointing my parents had become something of a given by this point. I'm pretty sure they salivated over giving me their favorite 'you're wasting your potential' speech so it would be wrong of me to take that away from them.

The speech didn't bother me. What bothered me was that when I actually did do something commendable like, oh I don't know, _becoming Quidditch Captain_ , the accomplishment always managed to be overshadowed by the things I was doing wrong. Oh, you got Quidditch Captain? Well, that's great but let's talk about your shitty grades, shall we? Oh, you got a job for the summer? Well, that's great but something Quidditch-related wasn't what we had in mind. Oh, you're the best chaser on the Gryffindor team? Well, that's great but remember when your brother won the Cup last year?

It would have been a whole lot easier if they just told me to my face I wasn't good enough for them. At least then the truth would be out and we could all stop dancing around the awkward subject.

Somehow, I escaped their predictable lecture and as I wound my way through the living room, I made the last-minute decision to floo over to Uncle Ron and Aunt Hermione's place. I could have apparated but sometimes it's more fun to drop into their sitting room unannounced.

"James? What are you doing here?"

I wiped the soot from my legs and smiled up at Aunt Hermione. "Hey, Aunt H. You're looking lovely tonight."

Her eyes narrowed. "I'm wearing an old raggedy sweatshirt of Ron's."

"And it suits you quite nicely."

She sighed. "Alright, what is it that you want?"

I chuckled before shaking my head. "Nothing from you. I'm just practicing my sucking up before I seek out your daughter."

She glanced at me curiously. "I'm not sure I want to know what you want with her."

Quidditch, Aunt H. It's always about Quidditch.

"I do hear congrats are in order," she said as if reading my mind. "To you and to Al."

"Hm, I'm assuming you're not talking about my stellar sixth-year exam marks…" I smirked.

She shrugged. "You're an incredibly bright young man, James. If you actually studied every once in a while, you'd be the top of your class."

"Why study when I do just fine without it?" I said with a teasing grin.

"James-"

"Is Rose upstairs?'

Hermione sighed. The difference between her nagging and my parents' nagging is that Aunt H knew when to drop it. "Yeah, with Harley."

I couldn't hold back my smirk as I rushed off towards the stairwell. It was known throughout the school that the incredibly gorgeous Harley Duncan with her luscious curls and bright green eyes was one of the most sought-after girls that every boy spent a lot of time fantasizing about. The truly unfortunate part about this, however, was that she had just celebrated her one-year anniversary with fellow Gryffindor, Jett Thomas.

I always thought this was probably for the best because if the girl became single, I'd be all over that and then Rose would slice my throat and leave me for dead and it's a bit difficult playing Quidditch as a dead man.

I wonder what the policy was on ghosts playing Quidditch…

Without bothering to knock, I pushed the bedroom door open and skipped into the room. "Good evening, my lovelies!"

Rose nearly fell off her bed. "For fuck's sake, James, what the hell is wrong with you?"

"Ooh, that list is far too long for me to get into at the moment, dear cousin," I argued with a mere shrug as I bounced over to her bed and dropped down beside her.

She shoved me out of the way with a glare. "Go away, James. Can't you see I have company?"

I pushed on to my side, propping myself up by the elbow as I glanced over to where Harley lay on the floor with _Witch Weekly_ in her hands. "How could I have missed such natural beauty?"

Harley rolled her eyes as Rose stuck her finger in her throat and emulated gagging. "Don't make me throw up, James. I just cleaned my sheets."

I shrugged. "I need your help with something, Rosie."

"No."

"You don't even know what I'm about to ask."

"Doesn't matter. When it comes to you, the answer is always 'no.'"

"That is so not what birds typically say to me."

She looked more disgusted now than she did a minute ago, though I was pleased that Harley laughed. "Get out of my room, James," she sighed.

Clearly, I was not welcome there. Not that I cared. "I need you, Rosie."

She opened her mouth to clearly argue but seemed to think twice about it. Hesitating, she said, "You need me? I was under the impression that the only two people in the world that you needed was Alice and Fred, though that is a fact you'd never actually admit aloud."

She was right in thinking that. "I don't need anyone," I drawled with the rolling of my eyes. "I do just fine on my own."

"Then I guess you don't need me after all."

Well, that backfired.

"Could you at least hear me out?"

"No."

" _Rosie_ -"

"No."

"But-"

"Still no."

I pouted. "You're insufferable."

"You should really be looking in the mirror when you say that."

I'd argue but once again she was right. "I look in the mirror all the time and all I see is a handsome little devil."

She made a face as Harley laughed. " _Little_ devil is right," Rose muttered.

I shrugged and simply said, "Quidditch."

Her eyes narrowed, exchanging a glance with her friend who now looked intrigued herself. Turning back towards me, she said, "Do you have Tourette's or something?"

"I need you to join the Gryffindor team as chaser."

She snorted before shaking her head. "Not a chance in hell, James. You think you can boss me around enough as your bloody cousin – which, by the way, you can't. And I do not need you doing it on the Quidditch pitch as well. In the end, I'd murder you or you'd murder me, but either way our family is down a family member. Two actually because the other would be in jail."

She was a beast with a wand so I had to imagine I'd be the one left for dead, but I decided it was worth the risk so ignoring her very obvious flair for the dramatics, I said, "But your entire House is depending on you!"

Rose glanced towards Harley. "Are you counting on me to help Gryffindor get the Quidditch Cup, Harley?"

Harley blinked. "Uh…"

Rose seemed to take that as a 'no.' Turning back to me, she shrugged and said, "I rest my case."

"She didn't say no!"

"She didn't say yes either."

"Harley," I whined, turning towards the dark-haired beauty.

"Uh…"

I swear Harley was typically more articulate than this.

When I decided Harley was a lost cause, I turned back to Rose. "It's just one year, Rosie. One year and I would owe you _bigtime_."

"You still owe me for not ratting you out to your parents for sneaking out of the house when you were grounded to shag some brunette in your very own backyard."

I let out a grunt. "You need to stop talking to Lily."

Rose smirked. "I'm not caving, James. I don't want to deal with you breathing down my neck all year. And I have no desire to compete against Albus at this time."

"What about competing against Malfoy?" I said with my own smirk.

She hesitated and I grinned.

Rose and Scorpius' rivalry was infamous at Hogwarts. They competed for grades in their classes, they were constantly getting into a war of words, and not a week went by without one of them hexing the other in the hallway.

"I can compete against him next year," she spoke stubbornly.

"Sounds to me like perhaps you're just scared to lose to Malfoy," I teased.

She shot me a look. "Bating me won't work, James."

I let out a frustrated cry. I had exhausted all of my options and she was nowhere close to saying yes. "Don't you know who made Quidditch Captain for Slytherin?"

She rolled her eyes. "I'm the only one of us here who actually talks to your brother, James. Of course I know he's their Quidditch Captain."

"Then you see why I have to beat him?"

"Because you have some inferiority complex when it comes to that picture-perfect little brother of yours and you won't rest until you get to prove to him and to the rest of the world that there is still one thing you can do better than him?"

I scowled. She was right of course. But she wasn't supposed to say it out loud.

"No, wait," she said, glancing up at me with a smirk, "You're not better than him at Quidditch because, oh yeah, who won the Cup last year? That's right, _they_ did."

Now, I knew that hitting women was unmoral but I have to believe that that rule of thumb didn't apply to cousins, right?

"Have some Gryffindor pride, Roe," Harley finally spoke from the floor.

"Yeah, have some Gryffindor pride, Roe!" I chimed in.

Rose shot Harley a look that clearly told her to stay out of it. "I'm not joining your team, James. That's my final answer."

Now I _really_ wanted to hit her.

"I'm taking you out of my will," I pouted as I reluctantly climbed off the bed.

"Gee, what will I do without those twenty galleons?" she drawled with the roll of her eyes.

"You weren't getting galleons, you were getting Franny. Now I might pawn her off on Lucy."

For some reason, Rose loved my fluffy pygmy puff. Maybe even more than I did. I had wanted a cat when I was an eleven year old, but Mum was smart enough to realize that I'd probably find a way to kill it in just a matter of days. She thought the safer option was letting me have a pygmy puff. I haven't killed her yet so I thought that was a good sign.

"Lucy who's scared of her own shadow?" Rose groaned. "Even you couldn't be that heartless to Franny."

She was unfortunately right.

Heading towards the door, an entirely different thought hit me and I turned around with a curious look on my face. "On a completely unrelated topic, what the hell happened between you and Jax?"

The look of surprise on her face did not go unnoticed. The wide eyes on Harley also did not go unnoticed.

Something definitely went down between those two.

"Why?" Rose growled. "What did he say about me?"

"Nothing really," I argued. "He just made it seem as if you two were no longer friends."

"We were never friends in the first place," she scoffed. "We were just two prefects who happened to spend a lot of time together."

"You sound just like him."

"I thought he didn't say anything about me," she scowled.

Oops.

"Well, it's nothing you haven't exactly heard before," I spoke with a sheepish shrug.

"Oh, how original, calling me a bitch," she mocked, rolling her eyes.

I wasn't surprised at all that she had quickly picked up on what I was referring to.

"And on that note," I said with a nervous chuckle, "I think it's time for me to go."

"It was time for you to go the second you walked into my room," she drawled.

I rolled my eyes at her because that was really the only way to deal with my hotheaded cousin. "I'm going to wear you down by tryouts, Rose Weasley."

"You won't but it's cute that you think so."

Stubbornness really was a gene that clearly everyone in my family inherited.

 **XOXOXOXO**

* * *

I spent the rest of my evening coming up with a to-do list on how I could ensure a Cup victory for Gryffindor.

 **How to Annihilate Albus Potter and his Infuriating Quidditch Team, Hattie included because even though she's hot she's my enemy on the field**

1\. Throw Al out a window  
2\. Throw all team members out a window  
3\. Go to jail

I scrapped that list and started a new list.

1\. Need to find superb chaser (how to convince Rose this is in her best interest?)  
2\. Need to convince Rose being our chaser is in her best interest without her killing me  
3\. Need to find an even better keeper (is it worth trying to train Hugo to be keeper?)  
4\. Remind Albus that his team is a bunch of wankers  
5\. Train  
6\. Train a lot  
7\. Train even more  
8\. Train until our legs fall off and then train more  
9\. WIN  
10\. Shove win in Albus' face  
11\. Throw a party  
12\. Shove win in Albus' face some more  
12\. Live happily ever after

I glanced down at my spiral notebook and grinned triumphantly.

Okay, so it was in actuality a terrible to-do list in how to get to the finals and win the Cup. But it made me feel better and at that moment, a pick-me-up was all I really needed.

There was a knock on the door and I resisted the urge to groan. Most likely, it was Mum back to lecture me about my grades.

I reluctantly told her she could come in. Imagine my surprise when it was Albus instead who stuck his head in through the door. I wasn't used to seeing him without Rose glued to his side. Something about it felt unnatural. And I especially wasn't used to him standing in the door to my bedroom. We were rather known for leaving each other alone.

I snapped the notebook shut and quickly sat up in bed. "What do you want?" I snapped.

He frowned. "I thought Hattie would get it," he murmured.

Oh, for fuck's sake. He was here to talk about his Captainship?

"Then you clearly don't know your teammates at all because she never wanted it."

He sighed. "Then Scorpius would have been my next guess. He's a better player than I am."

I really wanted to throw a heavy object at him. "Scorpius Malfoy?" I snorted. "The guy who is in detention every other week for talking back to the professors? The guy who doesn't know how _not_ to show off every chance he gets? The guy who already thinks he's better than everyone? The pompous arsehole whose father had your namesake killed? Are you bloody kidding me, Al? You knew perfectly well he wouldn't have been handed the responsibility of running a team!"

Albus' eyes grew dark with every word I spoke. Understandably so since the pompous arsehole I was referring to also happened to be his best mate.

I thought Potters were supposed to have better taste than that.

"This isn't my fault, James," he muttered irritably. "I didn't ask to be Captain. If you're so threatened by it, take it up with-"

" _Threatened_?" I snapped. "Your team is barely comparable to the scum on the bottom of my shoes. You don't currently have a seeker and good luck trying to find one that can outwit Bishop. Your best chaser, whose ass might be fine but that won't win you any matches, hardly has a competitive streak inside of her. Your keeper would be decent but she spends half her time bickering with that stupid cousin of hers and speaking of, Malfoy spends too much time staring in the mirror that could be spent perfecting his beater skill. Hutch only ever does what Malfoy tells him to do, and _you_ are _dating one of your teammates_ which is one of the absolute no-nos of Quidditch!"

I guess I could cross #4 off my list…

And yeah, I was just as surprised as you when I found out that Albus actually bagged a girl. And a decently fit girl who played Quidditch. He really is becoming the mini-version of Dad.

Ew.

"And what about your team makes it so great, James?" he sighed, clearly trying to keep his composure. That shouldn't have surprised me. He didn't have much of a backbone and confrontation was nowhere near his specialty. This was usually the part where Rose would chime in and speak up on his behalf so Albus didn't have to ruffle anyone's feathers.

Talk about your classic wuss.

"Well, for one, I'm on the team."

Albus rolled his eyes. "Oh, right, I forgot you were God's gift to Earth. My mistake."

I smirked. "Glad you finally recognize that."

"I hate to be the one to bring this up," he said before hesitating. "No, actually, I don't hate it at all. But you do recall who beat you in the finals last year, right?"

Please tell me murder was made legal in the past five minutes.

No?

"Only because of your bloody seeker," I snapped. "We were up ninety points before she caught that damned snitch so I don't feel all that intimidated by a team _who doesn't have that seeker anymore_."

I could see Albus growing frustrated. I wonder if I could get him to yell at me if I riled him up enough.

Yeah, right. I'm pretty sure Albus has never yelled at anyone before.

"We may have to find ourselves a seeker, but you're down two players," Albus reminded me (as if I needed reminding). "And good luck trying to find a chaser who has the patience to deal with that large ego of yours."

"I'd rather have a large ego than be a large wanker like yourself."

Albus glared at me. "I don't know why I even bother trying to talk to you sometimes."

"Oh, look, something we both agree on."

He shot me a final glare before spinning around and storming out.

Well, as far as conversations with my brother go, that one actually went quite well.

I flopped on to my back with a grunt, staring up at the ceiling and praying to a God I only called on when it came to Quidditch that he'd bring me the Cup this year. If I was ever going to impress a professional recruiter, I needed that win under my belt. And I _refused_ to let my brother take that away from me again.

He already had so much else going for him. He was at the top of the class, constantly competing with Rose and Malfoy for that number one position, and received the prefect badge because of it. He had a steady girlfriend that my parents of course loved and the two of them together were the perfect little couple. He never got into any trouble and I'm almost certain he's never had a detention. He was talking about going into the Auror field and following in Dad's footsteps after Hogwarts and he certainly had the grades for it.

But now he had to take away the _one thing_ that made me different than him.

Quidditch had always been my passion. Dad had taken me to my very first game when I was only five-years-old and I fell in love with everything about it. The excitement, the speed, the adrenaline, the players. I remember being awestruck when the youngest seeker in the league at the time, an eighteen-year-old rookie by the name of Rinaldo Shea, practically grabbed the snitch out of the opposing team's hands to win the Cannons the game. It was when I first fell in love with Quidditch and the Cannons. By the time I entered Hogwarts, I knew more statistics and random facts about Quidditch players than I even knew about myself. I tried out for my House team as a second year and made it as a reserve and only because there wasn't a chaser position available at the time. I had been a shoe-in my third year. I spent every waking hour thinking about Quidditch. When I had free time, I snuck out to the pitch and practiced my dives. Even my dreams at night seemed to only consist of Quidditch.

But of course Albus comes along, someone who admittedly was always a decent Quidditch player but who prided himself on his studies more, and decided he, too, was going to play Quidditch for his House. Fine, it wasn't as if I had a monopoly on the sport. But he went and tried out for the chaser position _. My position_! And then just three years later, he was chosen as Captain of his team the very same year that I was chosen as mine.

This was supposed to be my year and already, I've been overshadowed by my little brother.

Considering he always managed to find a way to overshadow me, I really should have seen this coming.

Glancing at the clock that now read ten o'clock, I grabbed the notebook and tucked it under my arm as I fled out my door and down the stairs. I nearly knocked Lily over on the stairs who told me to watch where I was going before skidding into the kitchen where I could hear my parents whispering.

"Hey, I'm heading over to Ace's," I said, scooting past them and towards the door. "May crash there. Dunno. Don't wait up."

"James-"

I didn't let my Mum finish whatever argument she had on the top of her tongue as I quickly swung open the kitchen door and disappeared into the backyard. I rushed to the property line where the protective spells tapered off and then apparated outside the Leaky Cauldron.

I welcomed the cool air as I pushed open the doors to the pub. It was decently crowded which was expected for a Saturday night so I was happy to see there was a free seat at the bar. I jumped on to the barstool, tossed my notebook on to the bar, and then stuck my two fingers into my mouth and whistled for the barmaid.

Very unluckily for me, it was AJ.

She whirled around and immediately glared at me. "Well, if that isn't the most polite way to get someone's attention," she drawled with heavy sarcasm.

I shrugged. "Where's that beautiful sister of yours?"

"Hiding from you I hope."

"And why would she do a thing like that? I'm a hoot," I said with a grin.

AJ blinked, the disdain evident in her eyes.

"Er…right," I murmured. "Any chance I could talk to your sister now?"

"She's working, James," AJ sighed. "I realize that concept is somewhat lost on you but it's how most people make a living."

"I have a job this summer," I reminded her.

"Color me shocked that you haven't been fired yet."

I rolled my eyes and wondered how I could ask for Alice again without getting a butterbeer to the face. I was thankfully interrupted by a clap on my shoulder. "I thought that was you, James."

I glanced over my shoulder and smiled up at Neville. Not that I'd ever really admit it, but I admired Neville. He had lost his wife unexpectedly and had two young girls to take care of, all while juggling the management of a bar and hotel at the same time as being a professor nine months out of the year. He had gone on sabbatical from Hogwarts for a few years in order to raise his daughters but once they were both at Hogwarts, he had hired someone full-time to run the Leaky Cauldron and reclaimed his job back. I know Aunt Hermione had often tried to get Neville to sell the Leaky Cauldron to a worthy buyer, but I had a feeling that Neville would never do it. It left him connected to Hannah. And then when AJ graduated Hogwarts, she immediately stepped in to help run the inn and after a few years, bought her way into managing it.

"Hey, Neville," I greeted. "I was just chatting with your lovely daughter here. She should really get a raise. Her customer service is on point."

Neville chuckled as AJ scowled at me. "I'm part-owner of the bar. I don't get a raise. I get profits. And when _you_ are drinking all of our alcohol free of charge, I don't get profits. Do you see how that works?"

"I don't drink all of your alcohol," I argued. "Only about two-thirds of it."

She threw her hands in the air and stalked off. "He's all yours, Dad!"

Neville grinned as he sidled behind the bar. "Butterbeer, James?"

"Got anything stronger?" I grinned.

"Butterbeer it is," he smirked, winking at me as he poured the butterbeer into a mug and slid it my way. "This one's free of charge, but don't tell Augusta."

"I HEARD THAT!"

"I'll take it out of my profits!" he called back with a laugh.

Turning back to me, he said, "I heard some pretty great news about you today."

"Ooh, did the Ministry finally accept my application for Minister of Magic?"

"No, but I can still hear the Ministry laughing about that one."

I pouted as he grinned at his own joke.

"Alice tells me you're Quidditch Captain this year. Congratulations, James. You deserve it. Really. You work very hard on the pitch and it's only right that you get rewarded for it."

Well, finally someone who actually shows some legitimate excitement at the title. "Yeah, I'm pretty pumped," I said with a grin, taking a sip of the drink in my hands.

"You'll do amazing," he said with a nod. "I don't know if you know this, but Quidditch is kinda your thing."

He so gets me.

"Of course, you'll have to maintain an A average to remain as captain."

He so doesn't get me.

"I've always maintained an A average, Neville," I pointed out. "It's the O average my parents expect from me I don't maintain. Nor do I care to."

I knew what was going to come next so I braced myself.

"If you actually put an effort into your studies, James, you could easily maintain an O average."

Bingo.

"Ah, but it's that whole 'effort' thing that just doesn't do it for me."

Neville sighed. I knew he held some displeasure with my minimalistic attitude towards my schoolwork. I wrote the essays. I took the exams. I just didn't spend hours in the library with my books. My motto has always been "last-minute still gets the job done." Neville was always telling me that I was one of the smartest guys in the school (true) and he hated to see me squandering that so flippantly (also true), but he also appreciated how much work I put into being a top-notch Quidditch player (definitely true). So I can't hate him for being disappointed in my schoolwork like I can hate my father for it because at least he recognized how much Quidditch meant to me.

"Seeing as it's the summer, I'm not going to give you a lecture," he said with a shrug. "But I think we both know it's coming when we get back to Hogwarts."

"I'll bring the popcorn."

He chuckled then and told me that Alice was upstairs showing a guest their room and should be down shortly as he wandered off to take drink orders from a table of already-drunk men. I pulled out my Quidditch win to-do list and started revising it.

"Well, what brings you around this lovely establishment?"

I glanced up and grinned as Alice descended the stairs into the pub. "The hot barmaid of course."

She grinned. "You better not be talking about AJ."

"Nah, I was talking about your father of course."

The look on her face was priceless. All I could do was laugh.

"What's that you got?" she asked, nodding towards the notebook.

"My plan on how to crush Al's every hope and dream and leave him crying in a pool of defeated tears."

Her upper lip twitched. "Descriptive," she chuckled, glancing over the bar and attempting to read my handwriting. Reading through it, she hesitated. "Do I dare ask why there is a check mark next to #4?"

I grinned sheepishly. "I may have gotten into a bit of a skirmish with him."

Alice frowned. "James-"

"It wasn't my fault!" I argued quickly. "He was the one who barreled into my room boasting about his Captainship.

She shot me a look. "Boasting about anything does not sound like Al."

"Okay, fine, so he felt bad about it," I said hastily, waving my hand dismissively. "But I don't need him to feel guilty. I don't give a shit that he's Captain."

Alice look softened as she began wiping down mugs. "I think we both know that's not true," she spoke softly.

Sometimes, I loved that Alice seemed to always know what I was thinking without me having to say it. This was not one of those times.

"It's fine," I muttered.

We both knew I was lying.

"No, it's not," she said with a sad smile.

No, it really wasn't.

I glanced down at the list with a frown. "This was supposed to be my year," I muttered irritably. "My year to shine. To prove to everyone that this was what I was born to do."

Translation: to prove to my _father_ that this was what I was born to do.

"And already, my stupid brother took that away from me," I growled. "Wanker."

"He didn't do it on purpose," she reminded me.

"Doesn't matter," I said, glancing back up at her. "He did it anyway."

Alice was the only person who probably knew just how much I resented my brother for somehow making me feel inferior by managing to be superior in every little thing he did. I couldn't even say there was a competitive streak between Albus and me because the truth was, he always won. He was the perfect child that I never was.

I was eternally grateful when Alice said nothing more on the subject.

"Go on upstairs to my room," she urged, nodding towards the stairwell. "I should be done around here in an hour."

I finished off my butterbeer and jumped off the barstool. "In the meantime, think of some other steps we'll need to take to bring down my broth—I mean, all the teams."

She rolled her eyes, glancing back down at the list. "Oh, no, I think you pretty much have them all covered with 'train' and 'train a lot,'" she spoke with heavy sarcasm.

"Don't forget 'train even more,'" I teased, winking at her before wandering up the stairwell towards the apartment that she and her father lived in. AJ had decided to move to her own apartment in Diagon Alley a few years below, which at the time I thought I understood. Might make it difficult trying to bring guys back to the apartment when you lived with your father. Until I realized this was AJ and what guy would be even remotely interested in her?

It was after midnight when Alice strolled into her bedroom. I was sprawled out on her bedspread, my notebook abandoned as I glanced through her sketchbook. She was an incredibly talented artist and had always fantasized about one day moving to Italy and spending all of her time traveling the coast painting the seaside. Landscapes were her specialty but she did a mean portrait as well.

"Please tell me you're not putting mustaches on my portraits again."

I glanced up with a grimace. "That was one time!"

"You're a nuisance," she teased, grabbing the sketchbook out of my hand and tossing it back on to her desk.

"Well, yeah. That wasn't supposed to be an insult, was it?"

She rolled her eyes and joined me on the bed with a stifled yawn. She fell back against her pillow with a groan. "I'm knackered."

"Working around drunk people can do that."

"I should be used to it considering how often you and Fred are drunk," she teased, nudging my side with her toes.

I swatted at her. "It is not that often."

Her eyebrow shot up.

"Yeah, okay, it's that often," I grinned, turning on my side and propping myself up on my elbows. My eyes glanced towards the life-size poster of Henrietta Dobson, a Cannons chaser, on the other side of the room. "Does Dobson's eyes follow you everywhere you go, or is it just me?" I muttered, shuddering.

Alice glanced over her shoulder and the poster and grinned. "Why do you always get so creeped out by a _poster_?"

"Because you have a life-sized woman just hanging out on your wall. I might be less concerned if it was some hot man you liked to drool over, but it's not. How does she not creep you out?" I groaned.

"Dobson is one of the best in the business," she reminded me. "She's a ten-year veteran and her stats only get stronger every year. She has the second-best scoring rate in the league, a passing accuracy rate of nearly 98%, and played through two broken ribs in last year's semifinal and still managed to outscore the other team. She's not creepy, she's a champion."

I could only chuckle. "I sometimes forget how much your Quidditch obsession can rival mine."

"Hardly," she argued. "You love this game more than I do."

"I don't think that's true," I was quick to counter. "I just love it in a more neurotic, compulsive, nothing-else-matters kind of why while you are still convinced there is more to life than Quidditch. Spoiler alert: there isn't."

She laughed and shoved me with her elbow. "In case I haven't said it recently, you're a prat."

I grinned. "Speaking of Quidditch, do you-"

"Do we speak much of anything else?" she snorted.

I rolled my eyes and continued. "Do you really think we could win the Cup this year?"

She nodded emphatically. "I think that there's nothing our team wouldn't do to get that win," she said with a smile. "I know we have two open positions and typically that means it would be a rebuilding year, but the rest of us make up for the current lack of those positions. You and I are the best damned chasers in the school, Jay. Everyone knows it. And Fred is a beast with a club. He has a 93% accuracy aim rate for Merlin's sake. And Jax's speed on a broomstick is unparalleled. Bishop is…well, she's the devil. But she's the devil who is sneaky and knows how to catch a snitch. We may only currently have five players but we have five players who have been working seamlessly together for two whole years. No other team can say that. And for that reason alone, I know we will be unbeatable."

And this is exactly why I came over to Alice's today. Because while my parents barely batted an eye when I told them I made Quidditch Captain, and Albus only talked to me about his Captainship without bothering to congratulate me on mine, and even though Aunt H expressed some excitement and even though Neville seemed to be proud of the accomplishment, only Alice knew exactly what to say to make me feel better.

I looked at her and said, "Has anyone ever told you that you have a real way with words?"

She smiled knowingly. "Only around you. But I suppose you always bring out the best in me," she spoke with a wink. "You're going to be an incredible Captain, Jay. You've worked the past five years for this. Hell, you've worked your entire life for this. This role was made for you."

Have I mentioned just how wonderful she is?

"I hope so," I murmured.

"You can hope," she said, nudging me with her elbow. "Me? I know."

Well, it's official. Alice Longbottom was going to win Best Friend of the Year award and it wasn't even a close race.

"You'll help, right?" I said, nudging her right back.

"You don't need my help Captaining the team," she argued. "You've been hoarding a playbook ever since you were a reserve determined to record every single maneuver and strategy that Gryffindor has ever used on the pitch. You've created your own tricks you're hoping to try out. You know the skills of every play on the team inside and out. You were born to do this, Jay."

I shook my head. "You're the born leader between us, not me."

She turned away from me with a hesitant frown. "Yeah, well, I'm going to be a tad busier than usual this year," she murmured.

My eyebrow furrowed. "Why?"

With a shrug, she glanced up at the ceiling. "I got Head Girl."

I felt a number of different emotions in that moment. I was happy and very proud of her. I was shocked because this was the first time I was hearing about this. And I felt guilty because I spent the entire day talking about me and my Quidditch Captainship and didn't bother to ask her if she had made Head Girl like she had been working towards since her first year.

"Well, I feel like a total ponce for not even asking about that," I groaned.

"You would make this about you," she teased.

I grimaced. "Ace, that's incredible. I can't think of anyone who deserves it more."

She shrugged bashfully. "Thanks."

"Why did it take you all day to tell me?" I questioned.

She shrugged. "It's not like schoolwork is exactly your thing, Jay."

I rolled my eyes. "So? I know it's your thing so that makes me happy for you. And proud. You know that, right?"

I saw the slight blush in her cheeks as she refused to meet my eye.

"You know your Mum would be proud, too, right?"

She froze, her blue eyes turning to meet mine. She didn't say anything, but she didn't have to. Talking about her mother wasn't something Alice did often, if ever. I knew how much it pained her to have lost her before she could gather any real memories of her. Alice was only five at the time so she could barely remember her and to this day, I knew it still hurt.

"You staying here tonight?" she asked with a yawn.

Clearly, she didn't want to talk about why it had taken all day for her to tell me about getting the Head Girl badge. I had my suspicions that she felt being the daughter of a professor might have helped her get the title, but if she didn't want to talk about it, I'd let it go for now.

I shrugged. "Yeah, might as well."

It should have been weird, two seventeen-year-olds of the opposite sex sharing a bedroom while her father slept just on the other side of the wall. But to me, it wasn't weird at all. It was normal. We had been doing this ever since we were kids so why stop now even though we're teenagers?

At least she didn't snore.

I unfortunately couldn't say the same about myself.

Sorry, Alice.

 **XOXOXOXO**

* * *

A day and a half later, I slammed the _Daily Prophet_ on to the Leaky Cauldron bar and said to Alice, "Give me your strongest drink and make it a bloody double."

Her eyebrows both shot up into her forehead. "And a happy Monday to you, too."

"Happy? _Happy_? What about today is _happy_ , Alice Catherine Longbottom?"

"Well, the weather is fairly beautiful out today. Not a cloud in the sky, a nice breeze in the air, not too hot."

I scowled at her. "Where are you on making me that drink?"

"Where are you on telling me what's got your wand in a knot?"

I slid the _Daily Prophet_ across the bar. "Bottom of the first page."

She looked at me without picking the newspaper up. "Oh, no."

"Oh, yes."

"It's about you and-"

"Albus, yep."

"And how you both-"

"Got Captain, yep."

She grimaced. "Do I need to read it or can I pretty much guess what it says?"

"If you're guessing that it describes how Albus nabbed the coveted badge unexpectedly as a sixth year which therefore clearly means the only reason _either one of us got it_ was because of our surname, you'd be guessing correctly," I scoffed, grabbing the newspaper and tearing it apart page by page until it was a mess of shredded confetti.

"You know it's not true," Alice spoke softly.

I wanted to believe it wasn't true but that didn't mean I was convinced it wasn't.

"If the press wants to beat up on old Mumsy and Pops, fine, but why the hell do they need to pick on me?" I scowled. "All I did was be born to them! Believe me, if I had control over who my parents were, I wouldn't have chosen them."

"Jay," she warned.

I made a face. I knew she hated it when I said I wished I had other parents but I couldn't always help how I felt.

"I could really use that drink right about now," I murmured.

She hesitated, glancing around the pub, before pouring a tall glass of their finest firewhisky. She slid it across the bar and said, "Drink it fast before AJ catches you."

I smiled, though it felt incredibly forced. "Thanks, Ace."

I let the liquid burn my throat in exactly two gulps before handing the glass back to her.

She wiped it down. "Has your brother seen the article?"

"Oh, yes. Lily read it aloud to the whole family at breakfast. The rest of us then took turns shouting insults about the immoral soul-sucking cockroaches that work in the gossip column of that sorry excuse of a writing publication. We even planned a coup until Mum descended off her throne of fury and decided slitting the throats of a few worthless journalists wasn't worth going to Azkaban for. Albus tried convincing her that no one would ever be able to send Harry Potter or his family to jail but she still put her foot down. Mum and her stupid morals."

Alice was clearly trying to hold back a laugh. "Sounds like a rather entertaining family meal."

"One of our better ones actually," I teased. "What do you say we go hit up that sleazy pub in Godric's Hollow and drink my problems away?"

"I'd say alcohol isn't going to make the press stop writing about you."

"That sounded like a yes to me."

She offered me a smile. "Well, alright, but you're buying."

I made a face as I hopped off the barstool. "I've got a better idea: let's invite Teddy. Whenever we go out with him, he always winds up paying."

"I've got an even better idea: let's not take Teddy away from his family today."

I blinked. "Well, alright, but I feel like it'd be rude to show up at his house and ask him to pay without inviting him out."

Alice responded with a groan.

 **XOXOXOXO**

* * *

 **A/N:** Reviews make me happy.

Next up: Quidditch Tournament, bar-hopping, and dancing


	2. Friendship

**A/N:** Yay, back quickly with Chapter 2. Thank you for those who reviewed. I appreciate all of your encouragement and even constructive criticism. You make me a better writer. More than that, you make me want to be a better writer.

* * *

 **A WAY WITH WORDS**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 2: Friendship

" _I'll lean on you, you can lean on me  
I'm never gonna let you fall  
'Cause we got friendship  
The kind that lasts a lifetime  
Through all the hardship, you know, you're a friend of mine  
We got friendship."  
_-Chris Stapleton

* * *

The summer was nearing an end and I wasn't sure whether to be sad about that or excited at the thought of going back to Hogwarts. Summer, of course, meant no schoolwork. No books. No essays. No notes. No exams. No professors breathing down my neck. But it also meant spending far too much time with my family who I much preferred avoiding. It meant lectures from Mum and disappointed looks from Dad. It meant having to watch them baby Lily and fawn over Albus.

Yeah, now that I think about it, I was definitely excited to get back to Hogwarts.

The one thing I was going to miss, which came as a bit of a surprise to me, was Quidditch Day Camp. I had started to really get attached to some of the kids. I enjoyed being there as they caught their first snitch or made their first goal. I was like a proud papa as I watched them all grow into their Quidditch skills.

And Kip had _finally_ gotten over his fear of flying.

I was really going to miss that kid.

We all knew that I wasn't exactly the poster child for responsibility but when you merged responsibility with Quidditch and then tacked on a group of adorable kids, it certainly made the mere idea of responsibility not nearly as far-fetched as I always believed.

The staff meeting on that particular Friday was creeping on longer than I would have liked. I had a date with Louis, Fred, and Alice at Dragon's Lair, a club just outside of Diagon Alley, and I was itching for a firewhisky. Or five.

"And on to our last point of business," Roald Rutherford said.

Thank Merlin.

"Our annual End of Summer Event."

The counselors who had been there in the past cheered. That was a good sign.

"As you know, on our last day of camp, we always put together some kind of send-off event for the kids and their parents," Matilda Rutherford spoke. "A few years ago, we had a family picnic and the kids put on Quidditch skits for their families. One year, we had a Quidditch talent show. Last year, we had some professional players come and scrimmage against each other for the kids to watch. That was a real treat."

"So now it's time to come up with ideas for this year's event," Roald said with a nod. "Any suggestions?"

The counselors all grew quiet, glancing around at each other curiously.

"We should take everyone to a professional Quidditch game!" a French girl by the name of Lola said.

"You suggest that every year," her friend groaned, elbowing her. "And every year we remind you that the Quidditch season doesn't start for another three weeks."

Lola sighed. "Oh right."

Other ideas were thrown out, but nothing stuck. And seeing as my ideas were always completely brilliant, I decided to suggest an option.

"What about a Quidditch tournament for the kids?"

"You _would_ suggest a competition of sorts," Fred muttered under his breath with a smirk.

Roald sighed before shaking his. "Someone always suggests a tournament each year but that ends up pandering to the kids who can actually fly. We have so many that still only barely hover off the ground or are too afraid to move on their broomsticks and we want this event to be all-inclusive."

"So don't do it in the air," I said with a shrug. "You can still have the same effect on the ground without the use of broomsticks. The kids still get to play the game but it evens the playing field so that everyone can participate."

Mr. Rutherford's eyebrows shot up into his forehead as he considered my suggestion. "Quidditch on the ground," he said slowly. "That…is actually quite brilliant."

I had my moments.

"You can thank our cousin Molly for that," Fred spoke up with a chuckle. "She was afraid of heights when we were younger so our parents took away our brooms and told us to play on the grass."

I grinned at the memory. Fred, Louis and I still crushed everyone else. Whether we were on the grass or in the air, we managed to always dominate.

"James, can I put you in charge of drafting the teams?" Mrs. Rutherford spoke. "I think you have a good handle on everyone's skillsets and what positions would suit them. Then I'd suggest assigning two counselors to each team to coach and mentor."

"You better stick me with Naomi as my seeker or this friendship is over," Fred muttered to me.

I flashed him a grin. "I'm not against taking bribes."

 **XOXOXOXO**

* * *

Dragon's Lair was crowded, but that was expected for a Friday night.

"Alright, Ace, do your thing," I said, nodding towards the bar.

"I'm not flashing the barman."

"Then why do we even bother bringing you along?" I whined.

I knew she was about to punch me so I quickly skidded out of the way and stuck my tongue out at her.

"Oh, very mature, Jay," she snorted. "Is that how you bag all the ladies?"

"Uh, I don't _bag_ ladies. That's an incredibly offensive and derogatory term and I am ashamed that you would use it."

That time I didn't back away fast enough and her fist met my shoulder.

"FOUND A TABLE!"

Alice and I glanced up at the sound of Louis' booming voice. Grinning, we headed over to the back of the room where Louis and Fred were sitting. Two Hufflepuff girls were sitting with them and since they were both on their Quidditch team and Fred had a weird fetish for girls who played Quidditch, Fred naturally already had his arm around one of them.

"So by 'found a table' do you really mean, flirted with Kye and Ryleigh and weaseled your way into their already-existing table?" Alice said with a groan as she slipped on to the bench beside Louis, greeting the two girls with a simple nod.

"Eh, same thing," he said with a teasing grin.

"I tried to put a stop to it," Kye said with a grunt.

"It didn't work," I pointed out as I sat down beside her.

"Thank you for that, Captain Obvious."

"Ah, speaking of Captain," I said with a smug grin, turning towards the surly brunette who just so happened to be Hufflepuff's Quidditch Captain.

Excluding Alice, the table erupted into laughter and Louis glanced at the clock in the back of the bar. "Not even one minute. Looks like Ryleigh is our big winner."

It didn't take a genius to realize they had bet on when I would bring up my recent promotion to Captain. I decided I'd get them back later by spitting in their drinks.

"You up to the challenge, Tannehill?" I said, flashing Kye my trademark smirk.

"I take sick pleasure in beating you, Potter," she shot back.

I pretended to ponder her words. "Y'know, I can't recall a time you actually ever beat me."

"We beat you in the finals during our third year and-"

"Yeah, four years ago," I retaliated with a smirk.

"And two years ago, our team beat yours by twenty points."

I rolled my eyes. "Just because your seeker caught the snitch. We were up a hundred and thirty points in that match. Talk about embarrassing."

"A win is still a win," she reminded me.

"You might have won that match but we beat you out in points that year."

"And yet still came short of the final."

I scowled. "Hey, remember when we made it to the finals last year and you didn't?"

"Remember when you lost the final?"

Bloody hell, why do people keep reminding me of that?

"Remember when I hated you?"

She smirked. "You don't hate me, Potter," she argued with the shake of the head. "You respect my Quidditch abilities too much to hate me."

Alas, she was right. She may have been the only female beater in the entire school but she was definitely one of the best. I'm pretty sure she could bench-press me without breaking a sweat, though I wasn't about to offer up the suggestion.

"You looking to play professional Quidditch after school, Tannehill?" I asked curiously.

"Why don't you worry about playing on your school team before contemplating the big leagues," she drawled.

Avoiding the question. Interesting.

"That sounds like a no if I've ever heard one," I smirked.

She shrugged. "Being a beater at Hogwarts is one thing. But the pros don't often offer beater positions to girls."

She was right of course which was unfortunate for her because she was definitely good enough to outshine some of the current professional beaters. "That still didn't answer my question," I commented.

She met the curiosity in my gaze and shrugged again. "It's not completely out of the question," she admitted. "But Hufflepuff would have to make it to the finals this year if I even have a chance at being offered a position somewhere."

Another accurate comment. The Hogwarts finals was the last, usually one of their only, opportunities for recruiters to take a final look at Hogwarts students to determine who they might be interested in offering any open positions to. It was horribly unfair to the two teams that didn't make it but that was just the way the cards always fell. The Hogwarts finals just happened to be two months before the acceptance deadline of all professionals offers hit which made those players very hot candidates.

"You don't have to replace anyone this year so you've certainly got an advantage over the rest of us," I reminded her.

"I don't think we can beat Gryffindor," she muttered. "I hate admitting that but it's true. You may be down a chaser but you and Alice are far quicker than ours and-"

"Hey!" Ryleigh Carver scoffed as she was a chaser on their team and Fred smirked, squeezing her shoulder.

"-and as irritating as Bishop is, it is nearly impossible beating her to that damned snitch."

"Yeah, but your beaters are far better than ours," Alice teased, rightfully earning a dirty look from Fred.

"I beg to differ!" he scoffed.

Alice laughed. "I think it's too premature for any of us to be predicting the two teams who could advance to the finals," she continued. "Besides Hufflepuff, the rest of us are down a few key players."

"Like a keeper," Kye smirked at her and I groaned at the reminder. "I suppose if you have no luck finding a decent keeper, our chasers will still have a chance against yours."

I pretended as if that wasn't at all likely.

"Well, as great as all of this Quidditch talk is," Ryleigh spoke, "We all appear to be drinkless, which is incredibly depressing if you ask me."

That was Fred's cue as he jumped up off the bench. He clapped me over the head, which was his way of telling me to help him with drinks. Shooting him a glare, I reluctantly obliged.

"Don't do it, mate," I said to Fred once we were out of earshot of the others.

He had a grin on his face that told me he knew what I was referring to, but he played dumb anyway. "Do what?"

" _Ryleigh_ ," I groaned, glancing back over at the table hesitantly. "Kye will literally dropkick you to Argentina."

Fred considered my words. "Why Argentina?"

"It was the first country I thought of."

He seemed satisfied by this answer. "Kye and I had a brief fling that amounted to nothing before it fizzled. She can't be mad at me for going after her friend."

"I would not call a couple of shags over the course of a month a _fling_ ," I snorted.

"Then what would you call it?"

I pondered the question. "Sex?"

He shrugged. "As long as I'm getting laid, I don't give a shit what people call it."

I couldn't help but laugh as we made our way up to the bar. "You need to try seducing girls outside of the Quidditch realm because your dating pool options are becoming seriously limited."

"Says the guy who's been shagging his own Quidditch female for over a year now," he smirked.

"One female. _One_. You are making your way through every single female on a team at this point," I said with a groan. "Including the best friend of a girl who could quite literally force you into a St. Mungo's bed for life with that superhuman strength of hers?"

"Hey, if you recall, I'm a beater just like Tannehill. I have just as much superhuman strength as she does."

"Mate, that girl's muscles are the size of your head."

"I have muscles, too!"

I flashed him a smile. "I like how you haven't denied the fact that Kye could kick your arse."

"Oh, she totally could. The girl's insane. Hot. But insane."

"And yet you dated her."

"I _flinged_ with her. There was no dating."

"I don't think flinged is a word."

He smirked. "I don't care what it is as long as I'm-"

"-getting laid," I finished with a laugh. "You're not exactly a complicated man, are you, Freddo?"

He grinned as he got the attention of the barmen. "All I need are my mates, Quidditch, and sex."

Amen to that.

 **XOXOXOXOX**

* * *

It didn't take long for Fred to whisk Ryleigh away. My guess would be they were in the alley snogging against the wall. Once Ryleigh had disappeared, so, too, did Kye. I actually liked Kye even though she came off as one hell of a tough bird. If I thought my family was stubborn, she takes stubbornness to a whole new level. But that made her a rather decent Captain. No one at all was surprised when she was chosen as Captain in our previous year. There wasn't anyone else on that team that could do that job.

Louis had been making the rounds, stopping to say hi to fellow classmates and flirting with whatever girls were in his presence. But I knew that there was a girl at the radio station that Louis had his eye on so flirting at the club was as far as he took it.

It had been just me and Alice for a while but we had eventually been joined by one of my other roommates, Dashiell Finnigan, and his girlfriend, Shayne Winters. I got along well with Dash who didn't have an ounce of Quidditch talent in him but made up for it by his obsession with professional Quidditch. He and I could spend hours chatting about save percentages and dive plays and the degree of quaffle possession. There have been many times that Fred had thrown a shoe at my head to shut up because Dash and I were still chatting away at three in the morning.

I always just threw the shoe back at him. Fred quickly realized how ineffective his methods were.

"As long as it's not Brooks Pruitt," Alice was muttering beside me was we discussed Head Boy prospects. "I'd strongly consider resigning from Head Girl if McGonagall chose that asshat as Head Boy."

"How the hell that guy became prefect, I'll never know," I grumbled.

"Because he's a Pruitt and all Pruitts are destined to be Ministry Accountants—how bloody boring—and nothing short of excellence is required to be a Ministry Accountant, at least according to his Daddy Dearest," Dash spoke up with a roll of the eyes.

The Pruitts were well-known in the wizardry world (not nearly as well-known as the Potter legacy but then again the only thing a Pruitt saved was a boatload of money for Ministry Officials) and it was a given that Brooks Pruitt would ultimately follow in his father's footsteps.

"Did you see that article on the charity event the Pruitts are footing the initial bill for?" Alice commented. "They're throwing it at the Grand Plaza. Rumor is the up-front cost is in the million-galleon range."

"Yeah, and once tickets start selling, they'll get their money back in no time and leave just enough to update the children's wing at St. Mungo's," Dash drawled.

Pretending to care about one thing when they were only really in it for the fame and the money seemed exactly like something the Pruitt family would do.

"You actually read an article on the most boring family in history?" I asked Alice. "Did you not have anything better to do?"

She laughed. "So I like to read the paper. Sue me, Jay," she teased, finishing off the drink in her hand.

"You sure you want to challenge me to a lawsuit? Molly is in her second year of her apprenticeship with that Ministry law firm. I could swindle you out of millions."

"I have approximately nine hundred galleons to my name, Jay. You're not getting millions," she argued. "Besides, I'm pretty sure Molly likes me more than you so she'd probably choose to represent me."

Probably true unfortunately. Then again, most people preferred Alice to me. She was far nicer and certainly smiled more.

She really needed to work on that.

"Nine hundred galleons?" Dash muttered. "I think I might have fifty, if even that."

"I've been working at the inn and pub since I was thirteen," she reminded him. "When was the last time you worked on anything besides your beer gut?"

Game, set, match.

As the rest of us burst into laughter, he let out a gasp of feigned indignance. "And for that, I hope Brooks Pruitt _is_ Head Boy."

"Pruitt?" Fred chimed in, returning to the table without Ryleigh. I wondered if that was a good sign or not. "Do you think McGonagall would make him Quidditch Captain and Head Boy? Seems like a lot of-"

"Hold up," I interrupted with an incredibly loud groan. "That fucker is Quidditch Captain?"

Fred nodded. "Yeah, Roxy told me."

Why, oh why, did nothing ever seem to go my way?

"Bloody hell," I swore. "He was already an arrogant arse. I can only imagine how he'll be now."

"Hm, an arrogant arse as Captain? Because that doesn't sound like someone else we know," Shayne teased.

I'd argue but there was nothing to argue with. Arrogant? Probable. Arse? Definitely.

"Oh, go back to snogging your boyfriend," I shot back with a playful grin.

"Gladly!" Dash said gleefully.

Shayne elbowed him.

"Oh, shit, I just had a terrible thought," Fred spoke, shaking his head slowly. "What if Jessup gets it?"

"Gets what?" I asked.

"Head Boy."

I recoiled in utter disgust and even Dash made a noise of protest. Alice only rolled her eyes. "You guys are so cruel. Parker is not that bad."

"Try living with him," I shot back at her. "You don't get to tell me the tosser isn't that bad when you're not forced to see his git face around the dorm all the bloody time."

"Gee, does he cut into your bathroom time?" she countered. "Not enough time to get pretty, Jay?"

"It takes no time at all to make me look this good," I smirked.

"And Brooks Pruitt is the arrogant one?" she smirked right back.

"Do you think otherwise of Jessup?"

She sat back on the bench before shrugging. "Nah, the guy's pretty unbearable," she said with a sheepish grin. "Well, I guess that leaves me with Rudy Frankel or Usher Lennox."

"Ooh, you should hope it's Rudy. The guy is fine," Shayne said.

"Uh, hi, boyfriend sitting right here," Dash chimed in.

"You were staring at Ainsley's boobs the entire time we were chatting with her."

He hesitated. "So you say Rudy is fine, hm?"

"I'd be happy with either Rudy or Usher," Alice commented. "Usher can be a bit of a handful with his OCD but Rudy prefers to spend most of his time partying which I can only imagine would cut into Head duties."

"Hm, partying or dealing with boring responsibilities," Fred contemplated, stroking his chin. "Sorry, AliCat, but that one's a no-brainer."

No-brainer indeed.

"Besides, if you think you're going to be skipping out on our epic parties to look over detention slips or do hallway patrols, you better think again," I chimed in, shooting Alice a stern look.

"Have I ever turned down a party, Jay?"

She made a good point. She was an incredibly hard-working student who was reliable and sensible but she _was_ a seventeen-year-old girl whose friends were all party animals. She liked to drink just as much as the rest of us did.

I can't imagine why AJ thought we were a bad influence on her…

"Why don't you just ask your Dad, Alice?" Shayne asked curiously. "I mean, wouldn't he know who the Head Boy is?"

"He doesn't know actually," she argued. I could see her spine stiffen slightly and I knew it was because she hated it when people thought she should get special privileges because of who her father was. "The Heads of the Household are consulted at the end of the year but it's ultimately McGonagall's decision. The rest of the staff doesn't find out until the week before school starts."

Sensing her clipped tone, I quickly changed the subject then. "Is that Greengrass who just walked in?"

Swiveling our heads towards the entrance, we watched as fifth-year Slytherin Reese Greengrass sauntered through the door looking as effortless as always.

"I can't believe you're friends with her," Fred murmured, shaking his head.

"Why, because a good-looking guy can't be friends with a good-looking girl?" I snorted.

"One, it's creepy when you refer to yourself as good-looking. And two, no, I'm referring to the fact that her own cousin happens to be one of your biggest rivals."

"Why do you think I befriended her all those years ago?" I smirked, pulling myself off the chair long enough to wave at Reese who yes, was unfortunately related to Scorpius Malfoy. Her father was Angus Greengrass, older brother to Daphne and Astoria.

I could hate her for her parentage but it was more fun quipping with her than it was hating her.

Reese wandered over to our table with a smile and before she could say anything, I sang, "And the green grass grows all around, all around, and the green grass grows all around."

She sighed. "That greeting gets more annoying over time," she drawled.

I merely grinned.

"Why am I not surprised to find all of you here?" she chuckled. "You should consider moving a bed in the corner and living here full-time."

Hello, Awesome Idea.

I glanced towards Fred. "Why haven't we ever thought of that before?"

"I was kidding," Reese groaned.

"Don't you know you can't ever joke with these two goons," Alice sighed. "They take everything far too literally."

She had a point.

"I believe Ace just called us goons, Freddo," I said.

"I believe she did, Jameso."

"What should we do about it?"

"Tickle her until she cries?" he smirked and before he could lay one finger on Alice, she yelled out, "DON'T YOU BLOODY DARE!"

The two of us laughed and I turned back to Reese. "So what are you doing here, Baby Girl?"

"My cousin is around here somewhere."

Why do I ask questions I don't want the answer to?

Fred and I let out simultaneous groans which earned me a smack to the head by Alice.

"Oh, shit," I murmured when I realized the implication. "If your cousin is here, that means that-"

"Your brother is probably here, too," Fred groaned.

Yes, we could finish each other sentences.

No, we were not an old married couple.

Reese shrugged. "Yeah, he's here with Kat. Rose, too."

I shuddered. Hanging around my brother was bad enough. Hanging around him while he was sucking face with some girl was the epitome of having my eyes scalded by firecrackers.

"Welp, you know what that means," I said, grabbing my firewhisky and downing it in one gulp.

"Time to hit up the next club," Alice said, knowing full well that was my every intention.

Reading my mind was something she had gotten incredibly good at. Most of the time, it was annoying. This wasn't one of those times.

"Right you are, Ace," I said, sliding out of the bench. "Nice running into you, Reese. Catch you later?"

I dashed towards the exit before she could retort.

I waited outside for a few moments before Fred finally joined me. "AliCat's looking for Louis," he explained, digging through his back pocket. He pulled out a pack of cigarette and held one out for me. "You want one?"

I nodded eagerly and he handed me one before lighting them both. I didn't smoke often. Not nearly as much as Fred did. But it was something else I could use to rebel against my parents so I wasn't completely against the idea.

"So you going to invite your family to the Quidditch Camp tournament?"

I shot him a look. "No. Why would I do that?"

"Because at the end of today's meeting, Roald said 'invite your families to the Quidditch Camp tournament.'"

Look at Fred trying to be all cheeky.

"They won't come," I pointed out.

"You don't know that until you tell them."

I rolled my eyes. "Okay, correction: Mum might come but you know Dad won't."

"And once again, I say you don't know until-"

"I know," I cut him off bitterly.

Fred dropped the subject and I was grateful. He knew how strained it was between me and my parents though we rarely discussed it outright. Just like we didn't discuss the pressure he sometimes felt from his father to be the replacement of his namesake. But we knew each other well enough to know our innermost thoughts and feelings even if we didn't express them out loud. And when either of us were feeling down about it, the other would show up with a bottle of firewhisky or a carton of cigarette's or a suggestion of flying around on the Quidditch pitch. So we knew each other's pain. We just didn't talk about it.

We sat there smoking our cigarettes until the door opened and Alice practically threw Louis out. I could tell he was already farther gone than the rest of us, though drunk Louis was always a hoot to watch.

"But-"

"No," Alice said, smacking him on the shoulder.

"You don't-"

"No."

Fred and I exchanged an amused look. Not many people fought with Alice and won.

"WILL YOU LET ME TALK?"

"Nope."

"What's going on?" I asked, tossing the cigarette to the ground and smushing it with my shoe.

"Louis is peeved because I tore him away from flirting with Harley."

"Oh, Harley was there, too?" I commented.

They both ignored me. I wasn't used to that. Most people hung on to my every word.

"I was getting somewhere with Harley!" Louis whined.

"All you were getting was the evil eye from her _boyfriend_ ," Alice groaned.

"Eh, when has a little boyfriend ever stopped me before?"

"He's a _big_ boyfriend who would have crushed your bones with only one hand," she sighed. "I swear, looking after you boys is a full-time job."

I mean, duh. But did she really have to say it?

"Y'know, AliCat, if you wanted me all to yourself, you could have just said so instead of dragging me away from Harley," Louis teased, ruffling up her hair.

She shot him a look. "I don't want you at all."

"That is so not what most girls say," he boasted.

I decided to intervene before an actual argument broke out between the two of them. "What are you doing hitting on Harley, Loucifer, when I thought you were getting somewhere with that sassy skirt back at the radio station?" I said.

That earned me a glare from Alice and I quickly added, "And by 'skirt' I literally meant skirt. Louis is into crossdressing now, haven't you heard?"

As Fred burst into laughter beside me, Alice rolled her eyes. "Smooth, Jay."

"Olive called me a wanker this morning," Louis muttered. "I'm thinking my chances with her are growing slimmer by the second."

"What did you do to deserve her calling you a wanker?" Alice sighed.

"Who said I deserved it?"

She shot him a look.

"I just told her that I liked her shirt," he countered huffily. "I don't know why-"

"And?"

Louis blinked. "And what?"

"We both know there's more to that story," Alice sighed.

He hesitated. "I may have followed that up with how I bet it'd look even better off her body."

As I let out a tiny cheer and Fred continued laughing at our older cousin's expense, Alice let a groan followed by a whimper. "That's what we call sexual harassment in the workplace, Lou!"

"Ugh, you sound just like my boss."

 **XOXOXOXOX**

* * *

I woke up to someone's hair in my mouth. Spitting it out and glancing down at the girl, I let out a slight sigh of relief that it was only Alice. And then I took back my relief when I realized I hadn't snogged a single girl at the bars last night.

I was seriously slipping off my game.

Glancing around the room, I realized that I was in my own bedroom which was slightly confusing seeing as I typically wound up at Alice's after a Diagon Alley club hop. Her place was far more convenient than mine.

I shifted slightly, trying not to wake Alice up but I failed. I grimaced as she stirred and let out a groan. Peeking one eye open, she stared up at me. I grinned. "Morning, sunshine."

"I hate you."

"Hm, most girls don't say that until after I kick them out of my bed."

She attempted to lift her hand to smack me but it barely made contact.

"Any chance you know why we're in my bedroom and not yours?" I questioned.

She smirked and slowly sat up. "Oh, last night at around two o'clock in the morning, you decided you wanted your Mum's peanut butter pie."

"Ooh, I hope we didn't eat it all because I'm totally craving that now."

"We didn't eat any of it because there _was_ no peanut butter pie!" she groaned, rubbing her temples. "And then you insisted on trying to make it yourself before Lily strolled in through the back door and cleaned up the place with a flick of her wand as she told us to get to bed before we wake up the parents."

"I insisted on making it?" I said curiously. "I couldn't bake if my life depended on it."

"I tried reminding you of that fact but you wouldn't hear of it."

It all sounded vaguely familiar now. If I recall, I told her that I could be destined to be the next great baker but I wouldn't know it because I never tried.

I'm thinking that's a dream better left buried.

"Hold up," I said, sitting upright and narrowing my eyes, "You said Lily walked in through the _back door_?"

Alice hesitated. "Did I say back door? I meant from the dining room."

My eyes narrowed even more. "What the hell was my baby sister doing out at two in the bloody morning?"

"She's not your baby sister anymore, James," she groaned.

"Like hell she isn't!"

"She's fourteen," she whined, shaking her head at me. "Ugh, you're giving me a headache."

"I think that's the alcohol talking," I snorted, slipping out of the bed and heading towards the door.

"Where are you—James? _Don't you dare."_

I ignored her as I wrenched open my door and rushed down the hallway to Lily's room. I barely knocked before I thrust the door open and stormed in. "What the hell were you doing out at two o'clock in the morning?" I demanded.

All I got was snoring in return.

Must run in the family.

" _Lily Luna Potter_ ," I snapped, kicking the edge of her bed.

She stirred and slowly turned to face me. It took her a few seconds to register the fact that I was leering over her. "Why in Merlin's name are you waking me up, James? Don't you know by now I'm a terror without my beauty sleep."

"What were you doing out at two o'clock in the morning?"

She blinked before slowly sitting up, letting out a yawn. "I imagine the same thing you were doing."

I narrowed my eyes at her. "You're fourteen."

She snorted. "Like you weren't drinking at my age?" she drawled, climbing out of bed and heading towards the jack and jill bathroom she shared with Albus (I'm not sure who got the worse end of that deal).

"Oy, we're not done talking about this!"

She rolled her eyes. "There's nothing to talk about. I was over at Rayne's house for the night with a few friends. And before you call it a party, I assure you it wasn't. There was only six of us and I'd hardly classify that as a party."

"What guys were there?"

She turned around to glare at me. "When are you going to realize that I'm growing up and boys _are_ going to notice me?"

" _What boys_? I'll kill them!"

She tossed a shoe at my head before disappearing into the bathroom and slamming the door in my face.

I think maybe it was time to pay Hugo a visit.

 **XOXOXOXO**

* * *

Hugo told me I was an overprotective berk who should have better things to do than spy on my sister's affairs.

I asked him to elaborate on the word 'affairs' and he threw a book at my head.

He was more like Lily than I realized.

 **XOXOXOXO**

* * *

There was only one week left of the summer holidays to go and the day of the Quidditch Camp Tournament of Kiddie Champions (as I had decided to call it) had arrived. We announced the teams to the kids this past Monday and they've been practicing all week in between actual Quidditch drills. I arranged for some mini-scrimmages to occur between some of the teams so they got an idea of how the game would be played, and the excitement only grew.

Wait until they found out that the winning team would receive tickets to the Tornadoes home opener game in early September thanks to my Aunt Angelina (the Rutherfords were about ready to just hand their camp over to me when I told them about the tickets).

I knew that Aunt Angie still had some connections with the Tornadoes and begged Fred to ask her if they could give us some free tickets for a good cause. I told him to tell her that some of the kids were terminally ill to sweeten the pot but he decided to leave that part out when asking his mother. Apparently it hadn't been necessary because she agreed to it right away.

If Fred thought it was odd that I didn't just ask my mother for Harpies tickets, he didn't say anything.

I still hadn't told my parents about the Tournament. Fred told his and I knew his parents and sister were planning on coming. I had had a smile on my face when he mentioned this to me in passing but it was just a gut-wrenching reminder that my parents didn't seem to care bout my Quidditch dreams. I had mentioned the Tournament to Alice who unfortunately had to work as AJ was going to the beach with Victoire, Teddy, and Dora. I wasn't aware that AJ knew how to have fun but evidently I was wrong.

As I strolled on to the expansive field, trying to make sure everything was in order for the tournament to begin, I noticed that the stands around the makeshift stadium were full of families and annoyingly enough, the press. A wide smile appeared on my face when I saw Kip jumping from foot to foot in an excited fashion chattering away to a gorgeous blonde who I assumed was an older sister (she looked very familiar and I wondered if she attended Hogwarts). I caught Fred's eye who waved at me before he returned to chatting with his parents.

Turning away, I started walking the length of the fields to make sure that all of the hoops were properly in place. A group of the counselors and I spent the past few nights after camp ended rearranging the open field into six mini Quidditch pitches. There were six teams of eight or nine players that ranged in age from seven to ten in what I thought was evenly matched teams. I reluctantly put Fred with Naomi (I got free drinks for a night out of it) though I also decided to put Kip with him because even though I adored the kid, he was scared of his own shadow so I can only imagine how he'd feel if a quaffle came in his way. Thankfully, we played with foam bludgers that were more deterrents than objects of injury.

"Coach Potter. It has a nice ring to it."

I froze at the familiarity of the voice, slowly turning around with my mouth open. Standing there smirking was my younger sister.

"What are you doing here?" I sputtered.

"You didn't think I'd miss my brother's big coaching debut, did you?"

I frowned. "I'm not coaching actually."

"You're running the whole bloody tournament, James," Lily drawled. "You're the ultimate coach apparent-"

"How do you know that?" I sighed irritably.

She shot me a look. "How do you think?"

I slowly averted my eyes towards the stands where Fred stood. He was no longer chatting with his parents as he stared at me with a slight grimace on his face.

I'm going to bloody khex my cousin.

"He thought we deserved to know."

I blinked. "We?" I repeated, glancing back towards me sister.

She nodded. "Mum's here, too. I think she was scoping out prime stand spots. That or she's yelling at a handful of _Witch Weekly_ reporters."

Screw hexing Fred. I was now going to kill him.

I could have asked Lily if Dad was here but we both knew the answer to that. So I just said to her, "You better go catch up with Mum before she tosses one of those so-called journalists down the stairs."

I was finishing up with my checklist when I heard familiar footsteps behind me. "Don't," I muttered through gritted teeth before Fred could say anything.

"I thought Lily deserved to know in the very least," he spoke in a small voice.

I whirled around to glare at him. "So then tell _Lily_. Don't go telling my parents."

"James-"

"I can't do this right now," I snapped huffily. "I have a Tournament to run."

I stormed off then, knowing I was being a tad unfair to Fred when my anger was actually directed at my father.

Though Fred's involvement certainly didn't help.

I knew Dad wouldn't show up which is why I didn't tell him. I didn't have to have my cousin go behind my back and mention the Tournament to my parents just to prove me right. It was just another slap in the face that my accomplishments apparently meant very little to him.

If it had been Al who was running the Tournament, I bet Dad would have showed up.

 **XOXOXOXO**

* * *

I didn't know who was having more fun today. Me or the kids. Even the teams that lost didn't completely sulk like I probably would have done at their age. They were sad for a brief moment before realizing this meant they could watch the rest of the games. And while playing in a Tournament was always fun, cheering on your friends was just as enjoyable. Some kids even showed up with signs.

"DID YOU SEE THE GOAL I MADE!"

I turned around, grinning as I reached over to high-five Kip. "You're a natural chaser, Kip!"

His smile wavered. "Except I can't fly."

"You can," I corrected with a shake of the head. "You're just scared to. But everyone has fears and we all find a way to overcome them. You'll get over your fear of flying one day, I promise you that."

He considered these words for a second before asking, "What are you scared of?"

The question threw me for a loop because I was hardly going to have a deep conversation about my insecurities with a seven-year-old. "Dragons," I lied.

Kip shuddered. "I'm scared of those, too."

"Who isn't?" I chuckled, reaching over to ruffle his hair. "Now, get going. Your team's about to start their next match."

He held up his hand again and I gave him another high-five before he beelined it over to where Fred was praising Naomi. She was definitely one of the better seekers out on the pitch today. We charmed the snitches so that they would fly about but that they couldn't go above any of the kids' heads so all they had to do was chase after it and catch it before their opponent. And as great as she in on a broomstick, she was an even faster runner if you could believe it.

Fred glanced up at me but I pretended not to notice as I headed towards the other end of the field to announce the next matchups. We were in the semi-final round so there were four teams playing, including Fred's. Like me, he was in his element cheering on and coaching his team. It put a smile on my face before I realized I was angry with him and I quickly removed it.

I joined up with Roald and Matilda who were scouring the schedule I had provided to them. "We're about to start the semi-final round. Bluejays are playing the Robins in the far field and the Cardinals will be playing the Finches on this field," I spoke to them. "Do either of you want to ref one of the games or shall I get Higgins to do it? You know how much he loves to call fouls on the big kids."

Roald chuckled. "Yeah, get Higgins to do it. You'll be reffing the other game?"

I nodded. As much as I would have loved to watch Kip in his element, I figured refereeing the game that Fred wasn't coaching (the Cardinals) was a fairer thing to do.

Roald magnified his voice and announced the next two matches as I headed to the far side of the field to referee the next game.

It came as no surprise to me or to anyone really that Fred's team won by a landslide and made it into the finals. The Bluejays-Robins game was a tighter race and the Bluejays came away with the win by only twenty points thanks to their seeker catching the makeshift snitch.

As I went over to high-five the Bluejays for a match well done, I noticed Fred doing a victory dance with his team that consisted of cartwheels and yodeling and I couldn't help but laugh. He was acting like a total idiot but the kids were lapping it up. Fred truly was in his element surrounded by a bunch of kids. He fit right in.

"Why don't you announce the last match, James?"

I glanced over my shoulder as Matilda walked up to me with a curious smile. "Oh, I was planning on ref-"

"I know, but Higgins can do that. I thought it might be nice to have an announcer for this last match. And who else but the guy who singlehandedly organized this event?"

I was not someone who blushed often but the pride in her voice made my cheeks heat up just slightly. "Er…yeah, okay."

As the Cardinals and the Bluejays huddled together for what I can only imagine was a pre-game pep talk, I stood on the sidelines and magnified my voice. "Good afternoon and I welcome you all to the epic final match of the Tournament!"

The crowd went wild with applause. I pretended not to notice my mother and Lily cheering along, instead laughing as Uncle George and Aunt Angelina traded off making faces at me.

"After four rounds of epic, nail-biting matches, we are down to our two final teams fighting it out for the trophy and for bragging rights. But wait, what's that? Oh, did we forget to mention that there was one final prize in store for our lucky winners? One _mindblowing_ prize that will have the team crying in excitement? Because this isn't just a game to see who can win a Trophy that my cousin threw together last minute because I asked him no. Nope, every single member of the winning team will be given the grand prize of, _drum roll please_ -"

Imagine my surprise when a thunderous roar filled the stands as the crowd slammed their shoes and hands against the bleachers.

I grinned. "THE WINNING TEAM WILL BE RECEIVING TICKETS TO THE TORNADOES HOME-OPENING GAME IN TWO WEEKS!"

There was shocked silence in the air before an earsplitting reverberation of excited cheers fell from both the stands and the grass. The kids looked stunned. The parents looked impressed. The press looked giddy. And Roald and Matilda Rutherford just beamed.

I realized then that I was actually going to miss this camp when the day was over.

 **XOXOXOXO**

* * *

Much to Fred's chagrin, his team lost by ninety when the Bluejays' seeker grabbed the snitch just before Naomi could. I could see the frustration and disappointment on his team's faces and it nearly broke my heart to see that Naomi had tears in her eyes.

I made my way over to them as Roald and Matilda took over announcing, congratulating both teams and asking all of the kids to gather in the middle of field for the traditional end-of-year toasts.

"You guys played so well!" I urged Fred's team.

"We lost," Kip pouted.

I shrugged apologetically. "I know," I said, "But that's part of the game unfortunately. You can't win them all. What you can do is pick your head up, put a smile on your face, and learn from any mistakes you may have made. Because that's how you get better. You may have lost this match, but you'll win the next one."

"There won't be another," Naomi chimed in, her arms folded across her body stubbornly.

I smiled at her. "There's always another match, Naomi," I urged.

She didn't look convinced as she joined up with the rest of her team who were making their way to the middle of the field with the other kids.

I glanced up at Fred who was staring at me with a frown. He opened his mouth, but I got there first. "I'm sorry, Fred."

He blinked. "That's supposed to be my line."

I shrugged. "I wasn't mad at you," I murmured, shaking my head. "It was just easy taking it out on you."

He frowned and said nothing at first. I wished he would have stayed quiet, because he said next, "I'm sorry he didn't show."

I didn't have to ask who he was referring to. Guess Fred figured out why I had wanted to keep the Tournament quiet. "I knew he wouldn't," I spoke stiffly.

Fred said nothing and I genuinely appreciated it. He knew I had my issues with my parents but it was hard for him to truly understand them when his relationship with his parents was far from rocky. I knew Fred still felt like he had a lot to live up to when it came to his father's twin brother, but that pressure was minimal at best. There was no resentment or regret between Fred and his father. Actually, his father was one of Fred's best friends. We always joked that Uncle George was more like one of the cousins than an uncle, just a big kid at heart who loved to laugh and who loved to make the rest of us laugh. Fred got lucky with his father. I couldn't say the same about me.

"It was last minute," Fred said with a hesitant shrug.

I glanced at him with a small shake of the head. "It wouldn't have mattered if you gave him all the notice in the world."

Dad didn't used to ignore me. He used to be in the stands at every one of my Hogwarts games cheering me on. Until one day, he stopped. I got a concussion during my third year and he warned me to take it easy and I told him I'd get a million concussions if it meant playing a mean game of Quidditch and he didn't seem to like that much at all. He thought I put way too much energy into "just a game" (his words, definitely not mine) and apparently decided that since I cared so much about the game, he no longer had to. And then at some point after that, he just decided to stop caring about me at all.

Fred didn't have a response, not that I expected him to, so we dropped the subject as we headed towards the middle of the field, plopping down on to the grass amongst the rest of the counselors.

Apparently it was tradition for the Rutherfords to hand out a variety of awards to the kids for their accomplishments throughout the summer. Most Quaffles Scored. Most Improved Flyer. Achievements in Beating.

I tuned out most of the awards, glancing towards the stands where I knew my mother and sister were sitting. I stiffened when I noticed my mother was staring right at me. She offered me a smile but I quickly looked away, not sure if I was happy she was there or annoyed. My mother and I had a decent relationship though I wouldn't say there was anything special about it. I resented her at times because she always tried to cover up dad's faults. And her showing up today knowing he wouldn't was one of them. She always tried to make up for his absence but it only highlighted it in my mind. Not that I'd ever tell her that.

"Most Valuable Player is noneother than Naomi Watson!"

I snapped back to the present moment, putting my hands together and cheering as a surprised and elated Naomi jumped off the grass and hurried to the podium to accept her award. I grinned, knowing full well that she deserved it.

"And finally we have our last award," Roald announced. "This one is always a favorite of mine to reveal as it's not just our kids who grow over the summer but also our counselors. Without them, the camp wouldn't even exist. So please put your hands together for our Most Valuable Counselor of the Summer: _James Potter_!"

I froze, gaping up at our Camp Directors who were both beaming at me. Did he just say my name?

Fred nudged me. "Go up there," he hissed.

Oh, guess I didn't imagine that.

I slowly pulled myself off the grass and headed towards the podium as Roald continued to speak. "I don't know how many of you in the crowd are aware of this, but today's Tournament was almost completely prepared by James. He came up with the idea, he chose the teams, he formed the rules, and he was the one who acquired the Tornadoes-Arrows tickets, thinking that the kids would really enjoy watching a professional game together. Today wouldn't have been possible without him and I know that myself and my wife are incredibly proud of him. Congratulations, James. I don't know anyone else who deserves this award more than you."

I was standing by his side when he finished that last bit and I knew my cheeks were burning a fiery red. It created a bit of a hollow feeling in the middle of my chest, hearing someone who I had only come to know just two months earlier say he was proud of me when I only put together the Tournament because I thought the kids would enjoy it. I hadn't done it for praise. I hadn't expected an award for it. I just wanted the kids to have a last day of camp that they would never forget.

I just hadn't realized that it was going to be a day I wasn't going to forget either.

 **XOXOXOXOXO**

* * *

Still clutching my award, I reluctantly tore myself away from the other counselors and headed towards the stands where I saw my mother and my sister waiting. I would have been happy to avoid them completely, but Fred told me I didn't deserve Most Valuable Counselor if I couldn't even face my own family.

I really hated it when he was right.

As I made my way over to them, Lily immediately punched me in the arm. "Well, look at you, Mr. Bigshot."

I rolled my eyes. "It's just some silly camp award."

She shot me a look but said nothing as Mum cut her off. "Fred told us about the Tournament but he neglected to point out that you were the one who put the whole thing together."

"I had help," I said with a shrug.

"Didn't sound like it from the way Roald Rutherford was going on about you."

I only shrugged again.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Mum asked softly.

"It's not that big of a deal," I sighed. "Just some silly tournament very much like the ones we used to have as kids. It's not like I haven't had practice."

"Wrangling eleven cousins is hardly comparable to eighty plus kids."

Not knowing what to say to that, I shrugged again. That seemed to be my trademark move. "It was fun," I said.

"You really were in your element out there," she said with a smile and a nod. "You were born to play Quidditch."

Tell that to Dad.

I said that aloud and I saw the flicker of panic in my Mum's eyes. "He's not against you playing Quidditch, James," she spoke with a sigh. "He knows how much Quidditch means to you. It meant something to him once, too. But it wasn't everything. He doesn't want to see you get hurt if your life plan doesn't work out the way you'd like it to. He knows what that's like. To have your life go a completely different way than planned."

I somehow suppressed the urge to roll my eyes. "Whatever" was my rather inspiring comeback.

She sighed again. "James, he would have liked to come," she urged.

Liar.

"He had a meeting with the French Ministry today he couldn't miss," she continued. "If he could have, he would-"

"Thank you for coming, Mum," I interrupted swiftly, not wanting to talk about Dad's absence anymore. "It was nice of you to take off work."

She and I both knew it was a dig towards the guy who didn't bother to take off work to show up.

"Hey, what about me?" Lily whined. "Aren't you glad I came?"

"If it keeps you away from those prepubescent boys you favor, then yes."

She scoffed. "How is it possible for you to turn a conversation about your accomplishments back on my flirting ways?"

" _You better not have flirting ways_."

I could see Mum trying to hide a smile as I glared at my younger sister. With the roll of the eyes, she said, "On that note, I'm outta here."

"Oy, who are you flirting with?" I called out after her. " _Lily!_ "

As expected she ignored me as she skipped off toward Roxy and with a groan, I glanced back towards Mum. "You coming home with me or is there some huge raging after-party you have to rush off to?" she asked.

"No party," I lied. "Just some of the counselors getting together for a drink or two."

She smirked. "You forget that I used to be a Quidditch player. All any of you know how to do is play Quidditch and drink until your livers scream obscenities at you."

I was fairly certain my liver had started doing that at least a year ago.

Not that I ever listened.

I grinned sheepishly. "Don't wait up?"

She chuckled as she embraced me and disappeared.

 **XOXOXOXO**

* * *

The camp counselors, although a rather rowdy bunch during the day, were unusually mellow at night so the all-night raging party lasted only a few hours before everyone dispersed. I stayed out with Fred for another hour but he had found a girl to flirt with and while she had had a friend who had been eyeing me up all night, I annoyingly didn't have it in me to pretend to care about her. I couldn't stop thinking about the Tournament and Dad and it put me in a bit of a somber mood.

I knew I was probably giving my father a harder time than he deserved. It's not like he became the Head of the Auror Office by slacking off. He worked hard to get there and he worked even harder to prove to the world he wasn't just some ancient boy wonder who didn't deserve the title he rightly earned. But giving my father a hard time was something I had perfected over the years so I wasn't about to let up now.

I eventually left the pub and headed home. It was just after midnight when I fell back against my bed with a sigh, glad that there was only one more week until I'd get to return to Hogwarts.

I pulled the Quidditch playbook I had been compiling since my first year on the team out of my bedside drawer and began flipping through it. It had been through the ringers over the past few years. Every play and strategy ever used by any and all player on the Gryffindor team was in there as well as some new plays I had been messing around with. It was pretty much my lifeline other than my actual broom.

There was a sound at my bedroom window an hour later and when I glanced over, I chuckled as Alice's face came into view.

Scrambling off my bed, I went over to the window and pulled it open. Alice was hovering on the oak tree with a sheepish grin on her face that had me laughing. "You could have come through the back door. You know the code to turn off the alarm."

She shrugged. "I didn't know if anyone else was still up."

"It's almost one o'clock. The only people that might be up are Albus and Lily and I'd hardly think they'd care if you wandered in through the back door."

She rolled her eyes. "I just climbed up a tree for you and you're scolding me for it?"

I chuckled, opening the window wider so she could shimmy through. "Reminds you of when we were kids, doesn't it?" I spoke nostalgically.

She pulled herself off the floor and glanced up at me. "We used to sneak into each other's rooms all the time. I still remember the time Dad came to check on me in my own room just to notice I wasn't there. He nearly called the Ministry to put out an amber alert."

"And all that time, you were asleep in my bed," I chuckled. "I'm surprised my parents didn't cut down that tree after that."

"It's not like we were using that tree for trouble."

My eyebrow quirked up.

"Well, that they knew of," she smirked, dropping on to the edge of my bed with a yawn.

"So, what are you doing here?" I questioned, somehow already knowing the answer.

She glanced up at me with a bit of slight guilt flickering in her eyes. "Fred stopped by the Leaky Cauldron. With one hell of a winner on his arm might I add."

"Ah, Elizabet I believe her name was. No 'h.' She made it a point to tell us that," I chuckled before the smile on my face quickly faded.

She dismissed the comment. "He told me about what happened today."

Dammit, Fred.

"Yeah, I know, I couldn't believe I won an award," I spoke dismissively, dropping on to the bed beside her with a yawn. "The only awards people typically are looking to give me are ones for being the greatest prat."

"As true as that may be," she teased, "I'm not talking about your damned award."

Yeah, I knew that, but it was so much more fun avoiding the topic of my father.

"Yes, but I'd much prefer to talk about the award," I muttered.

"And what kind of best friend would I be if I just let you internalize all of your issues?"

Of course I had issues. I was born into a world of fame I had never wanted and a family that didn't seem to understand that.

"The kind I'd share half of my summer earnings with if she didn't talk about my father right now," I said with a teasing grin.

She let out a loud laugh. "Bull-fucking-shit," she chuckled. "You're not going to share any of that with me."

"Okay, maybe not half, but I might consider buying you a drink the next time we go out," I huffed.

"You're too busy buying drinks for big-boobed, ditzy blondes to bother with me," she was quick to counter.

"Hey, you have got it all wrong," I huffed. "Sometimes they're brunette."

She could have laughed. She should have. That was a witty retort that deserved laughter. But she just sighed and said, "Let's go back to not talking about your award, hm?"

Let's not.

"What do you want me to say, Ace?" I murmured. "I'm fine. Really. It's just another moment to store away in James Potter's box of epic accomplishments that my father could not care less about."

She tilted her head to the side. "Epic accomplishments, hm? That box must be incredibly empty."

"Hey!" I laughed, poking her in the ribs. She squealed and scooted away from me.

I had plenty of accomplishments. Granted, most of them had to do with Quidditch.

No, actually all of them had to do with Quidditch. But who needed schoolwork anyway?

"You don't have to be fine," she said, cutting through my thoughts.

I glanced at her with a frown. "I'm really not in the mood to be talking about this at one o'clock in the morning, Ace."

She nodded. "I figured. That's why I'm not here to talk."

My eyebrow shot up. "Then what are you here to do?"

She smiled. "I think we both know what this moment calls for."

I did?

Still smiling, she climbed off my bed and moved towards my dresser where my bewitched stereo was. I grinned, knowing exactly what she was thinking as she sifted through my music collection of magical bands – Snitchets, Hungry Hippogriffs, Blood Sweat and Butterbeers, Alvarino Demlock, Mumford and Sons, Keane, and the list goes on – before settling on one of the albums. She tossed it into the stereo, put a _mufflatio_ spell on us to keep the sound contained within my room, and turned up the volume.

 _It's empty in the valley of your heart  
_ _The sun, it rises slowly as you walk  
_ _Away from all the fears  
_ _And all the faults you've left behind_

"C'mon," she said, gesturing for me to get off my bed.

I sighed. "It's one o'clock in the morning."

"A perfect time to dance it out," she urged, singing along to the song as she swayed her hips with the beat of the music. " _But I will hold on hope and I won't let you choke_ – c'mon, Jay!"

She actually had a decent voice but then again, what couldn't she do?

"Dancing it out is not going to make up for my father's lack of interest in my hobbies," I pointed out.

She rolled her eyes at me. "It's not intended to make up for it, Jay," she reminded me with a knowing look. "This isn't about him. It's not even about you. It's about ignoring everything while we dance it out. So stop stalling because we both know you're going to join me."

I grinned. She was right about that as I slowly picked myself off my bed and began dancing around, whistling along with the lyrics.

 _And I'll find strength in pain  
_ _And I will change my ways  
_ _I'll know my name as it's called again  
_ ' _Cause I have other things to fill my time  
_ _You take what is yours and I'll take mine  
_ _Now let me at the truth  
_ _Which will refresh my broken mind_

We had started this tradition as a kid. When her mother had died, Alice didn't smile for days and expectedly so. We were only five years old at the time so while we both had an understanding of what was going on, none of it felt real to us. And yet each day that passed, Alice grew sadder and sadder and all I had wanted to do was put a smile on her face any way I knew how. So as we sat in her bedroom about a week after the funeral, I turned on her radio and sifted through a bunch of stations until I found one playing a popular Snitchet single. I turned up the volume, strolled over to Alice, grabbed her hand and pulled her to her feet and began dancing around the room singing at the top of my lungs. She had thought I was crazy at first but ended up joining in and by the end of it, we were jumping on her bed and laughing together.

It was the first real vivid memory I had of the both of us.

Ever since then anytime one of us was feeling down for any reason, we'd turn the stereo on or find a station on the radio and we danced it out. It made us smile every time.

 _So come out of your cave walking on your hands  
_ _And see the world hanging upside down  
_ _You can understand dependence  
_ _When you know the maker's land_

We honestly looked ridiculous. Anyone peering into my window would find it amusing to see two full-grown teenagers waving their arms and swaying their hips as they sang along to a catchy pop song. But in those moments, nothing mattered except for Alice and me.

It was times like this one that reminded me just how much my friendship with Alice meant to me. She knew when I wanted to discuss something or when I just wanted to dance it out, to forget about something for the briefest of moments and smile as if to remind myself that I still had so much to be happy about.

The song ended and we collapsed on to my bed in a fit of giggles, as we usually did when we danced it out.

"That never gets old," she said with a grin, glancing towards me with knowing eyes.

I shook my head. "Do you think we'll be doing that in our fifties when we turn to each other to complain about our nagging husbands and wives?"

"You could use a nagging husband," she teased.

I poked her in the stomach and she squealed again. "The husband is yours, you snarky hussy."

She chuckled before it slowly faded. "I hope we'll still be friends when we're fifty if that's what you're asking."

That threw me for a loop.

No, that thought hadn't actually crossed my mind at all because there wasn't any type of hypothetical future of mine that didn't include her.

"I don't hope we'll be friends, Ace," I argued. "I know we will."

A smile crept on to her lips. "You really think so?"

I nodded. "We'll be dancing it out in our retirement homes. Just you wait."

She smiled and leaned her head against my shoulder. "Well, alright, but let's not grow up just yet, okay? I'm not ready to stop being a teenager yet."

"Uh-oh," I mused. "If you're not ready, what does that say about me?"

She thought about it for a half second before shrugging. "That you're doomed."

I chuckled. "Yeah, that sounds about right," I teased. With another yawn, I glanced down at her. "You staying here tonight?"

She nodded, her eyes already drooping.

I closed my own eyes with a content nod. "Good answer."

 **XOXOXOXO**

* * *

There was a full-page spread on the Quidditch Camp Tournament in the _Daily Prophet_. I only found out about that when I traipsed down to breakfast the next morning with Alice right behind me and found the article hanging on the refrigerator.

"Oh, hell," I muttered, the photo of me accepting my award located front and center, unusually large compared to the other photos around it.

Alice smirked. "Not your best photo."

I shot her a look and tore the article off the fridge. I skimmed it and by the end of it, I crumpled it up and tossed it on to the counter.

Alice looked at me. "That's actually good publicity for the camp."

I grunted as I wandered over to the sink and poured us both a glass of water. "Yeah, if it was about the ruddy camp at all," I snapped. "But they spelled the Rutherfords name wrong—and how the hell does someone spell Rutherford wrong—they gave the wrong location, and barely mentioned the winning team. No, it's all about me and my accomplishments and therefore makes me look like the only reason I put the Tournament together was because _I_ was looking for some good publicity."

Alice frowned as I handed her the glass of water, both of us settling into the kitchen island next to each other. "Only you are going to see it like that."

I shrugged. "You want some eggs?"

Her eyebrow shot up. "You know how to make eggs?"

"No, I was going to make you do it."

She struck me in the stomach just as my sister strolled into the kitchen. She did a double-take when she first noticed Alice but merely rolled her eyes. "Did you read the article in today's paper, James?" she asked, glancing over at the refrigerator. Frowning, she looked back at me. "Okay, what the hell did you do with it?"

"Do with what?" I asked innocently.

She rolled her eyes. "That was the first article in years that hasn't made you out to be a total wanker."

"The Tournament wasn't about me, Lils," I shot back.

"Don't call me that," she said. "And sure, the article was very James-heavy, but-"

"No but," I interrupted with a sigh. "That article didn't promote the camp or the Tournament. It was yet another way of throwing the Potter name into the press and I'm tired of them using me to do it."

"Stop being a wanker and they won't."

I glared at her but she merely smirked and said, "That was the first article in forever that didn't make you out to be some rebellious, attention-seeking, girl-chasing man-whore and you ripped it up. If I were you, I would have framed it."

Ignoring Alice's laughs beside me, I said, "If you're going to continue insulting me, you could at least do that while making me eggs."

She snorted. "Dream on."

"Well, fine," I said with a dramatic sigh, pulling myself off the stool and heading towards the refrigerator, "But when Mum asks me why I burned down the kitchen, I _will_ have to blame you."

Lily turned to Alice. "Please keep my brother away from the burners."

"Considering I value my life, of course I will."

I scowled at the both of them but Alice merely grinned at me and Lily turned and left the kitchen.

I ended up eating cereal for breakfast.

 **XOXOXOXO**

* * *

 **A/N:** And done with chapter 2. You get a bit more insight into James and Alice as well as James and his father. Keep in mind, all of you who may think Harry's actions seem out of character, that you are reading this through James' mind so you're getting a one-sided version of the story. More on them to come.

Next: Back to Hogwarts!


	3. Celebration

**A/N:** And we are back with Chapter 3. Thank you for those who are reviewing - you keep me motivated! It's always so interesting to hear the reader's take on things as I am obviously very close to this story and can't always see it at face value.

* * *

 **A WAY WITH WORDS**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 3: Celebration

" _Celebrate good times, c'mon!  
There's a party going on' right here  
A celebration to last throughout the years  
So bring your good times and your laughter too  
We gonna celebrate your party with you."_

-Kool & The Gang

* * *

I managed to somehow survive the rest of the summer and was back at King's Cross Station. I was able to avoid too much of an argument with my parents that morning as I finished my last-minute packing and stuffed a muffin down my throat. There were a handful of jabs directed towards my lack of effort in my classes but I ignored them all, going through the list of candidates for my two open Quidditch positions in my head to tune out the droll going on around me. It didn't work all that well since the only candidate I could think of was Rose and she still refused to help me out.

Believe me, I had asked her twice more. And twice more she told me to fuck off.

She really had a way with words.

As I made my way through the Platform 9 ¾ barrier, I couldn't hold back the grin on my face. I was met with the usual hustle and bustle of students and parents alike, the shouts and the tears intermingling around me as I did what any normal seventeen year old would do and stared at the endless legs that came with short dresses and even shorter shorts on nearly every girl that was in my near vicinity.

I stumbled forward when I was suddenly hit from behind. Whirling around, my sister glared up at me. "You're supposed to move away from the barrier, not stand there asking for an invitation to get slammed into."

I rolled my eyes. "Gee, what will I do next year without your sage wisdom, dear sister?"

"What makes you think you're actually going to graduate this year?" she teased, winking at me before taking off into the crowd of people. She met up with Hugo who was currently being fussed over by Aunt Hermione and Uncle Ron. Rose was nowhere to be seen, though if I knew her at all, she would have dashed on to the train in order to avoid the overcrowded platform full of people she didn't like nor wanted to talk to.

"There you are," a familiar voice spoke.

I was met with a punch to the shoulder as I turned to my right. "Here I am," I said to Fred.

"I'm assuming you're late because your parents had to get one more 'you're wasting your academic potential' speech in?"

"I'm hardly late," I pointed out. "It's only ten til."

"Way to avoid my question," he chuckled.

"Nah, wasn't too bad," I said with a shrug. "They managed to get in a few comments but spent most of the morning crying about how their baby boy was going off to his final year at Hogwarts. A little too sentimental for my taste if you ask me."

Fred laughed and I used that time to change the subject. "You claim our compartment next to the snack car yet?"

"You know it," he smirked. "There was a pair of fourth years there but I kicked them out."

"Atta boy," I grinned.

I grabbed the handle on my trunk and headed towards the train. I hadn't gotten very far when my mother's voice stopped me. "Aren't you going to say goodbye?"

I glanced over my shoulder with a sheepish grin and headed back to where she was saying her goodbyes to Albus. "I, uh, was just going to put my trunk on the train then come back to say good-bye." It was a lie. I had kinda, definitely forgotten about my parents the moment I stepped foot on platform 9 ¾.

She looked unamused and I had a feeling she could see right through my lie. She did that too often for my liking. "How about you say your good-byes now before you get distracted by your friends?"

"Or a girl most likely," Albus muttered from beside her.

I shot him a scathing look. "Jealous?"

"I'm the one with the girlfriend, remember?"

"Yeah, sorry about that. Real bummer," I smirked.

Albus narrowed his eyes at me but Dad was smart enough to cut us off. "Do you boys have everything you need?"

"Yes," I said even though I was certain I left something under my bed. I almost always did.

"I can't believe you're going into your last year at Hogwarts," Mum said and I just prayed she wouldn't get all misty-eyed on me. "I swear it was just last week I was changing your napp-"

" _Mum_!" I groaned, ignoring Fred's laughter beside me. "We are in a public place so please, _be cool_."

She grinned sheepishly before reaching out an embracing me. "You have a good year, y'hear? And please remember to write your dear ol' Mum from time to time. I don't love how the only news I get about you are letters home from the Headmistress about the latest trouble you've caused."

"Hey, at least you then know I'm still alive," I teased.

"Maybe you could try not getting into so much trouble this year," Dad suggested with a quirked eyebrow.

"If I did that, how would Mum know I'm okay?" I responded with a smirk.

"Pick up a quill and write to your parents every once and a while, why don't you?" Mum groaned.

I shrugged. "I will." I won't.

Dad hesitated before reaching over and clapping me on the shoulder. "Enjoy your last year, son."

When he said nothing more, I was surprised but pleased as I was expecting one last 'focus on your studies' plea. "Sure," I said with a shrug. Flashing both my parents a smile, I reached for the handle of my trunk once more and followed Fred towards the train.

As I reached our usual compartment and peeked into the compartment, I broke out into a grin. Sliding the door open, I said, "Why am I not surprised you already have your sketchbook out?"

Alice glanced up with a smile. "Hey, boys. And shut up, I only have a few minutes of drawing time before I have to head to the prefect compartment."

I grimaced. "Ugh, I forget sometimes that you're one of them."

"She's actually the boss of them now," Fred teased.

She rolled her eyes. "If you didn't have me keeping you two in line, you probably would have been expelled years ago."

"Hey, there's still time," I responded cheekily, flopping down on to the bench beside her. Glancing at the sketchpad in her lap, I noticed she was drawing some of the crowd just outside the window. It included my Uncle Percy and my cousin, Lucy, who was going into her first year at Hogwarts. For a seven-year streak, there had always been a Weasley entering their first year at Hogwarts, but the last three years have been Weasley-free. I always joke with Fred that that meant Lucy was clearly an accident, a theory that I had to imagine could be confirmed by the fact that her sister was eight years older than she was.

I reveled in her sketching details for a moment, wondering how it was possible that she had the time to perfect her art skills in between trying to be the best at school and on the Quidditch pitch. She really was incredibly multitalented. It was impressive considering I only ever really had time for Quidditch.

Then again, I hardly had people in my life I was looking to impress and even though I'd never say it to her, I knew Alice spent a lot of her time trying to be perfect at everything she touched as a way of making her mother's memory proud.

The door slid open again and Dash wandered in. "Your brother decided it was a good idea to snog that girlfriend of his on the platform. There are _Witch Weekly_ reporters who are eating it up," he muttered with a grimace.

"I would hardly call those who write for _Witch Weekly_ reporters," Alice drawled.

"You would have thought Al would have learned by now to keep his private business private. Evidently he's not as smart as people seem to think he is," I drawled.

I silently thanked Fred as he changed the subject. "And pray tell where is _your_ girlfriend, Finnigan? Shouldn't you be snogging _her_ on the platform?"

"She stopped to talk to Lena and Kenley," he said, referring to the remaining two dorm-mates of Alice and Shayne.

Alice rolled her eyes and rightfully so. Kenley Brown was your typical Queen wannaBee who thought the sun shined out of her ass and the world should bow down to her just because she had a pretty face.

For the record, if the world bowed down to anyone, it should be me.

Lena Cattermole wouldn't be so terrible if she hadn't decided befriending Kenley was a good idea back in their first year. It made her taste level severely questionable.

"So how goes my two favorite Peasleys?" Dash said with a stifled yawn as he propped his feet up against the bench opposite him.

When Hogwarts started being invaded by Weasleys and Potters, someone had made up the highly not-so-brilliant nickname Peasleys to account for all of us. It had unfortunately stuck over the years.

"Favorite, hm? I bet you say that to all of our family members," I joked, kicking him teasingly in the shin.

"No, only the ones who _don't kick me_ ," he scoffed, kicking me right back.

"If violence is about to break out, I think that's my cue to head to the prefect compartment," Alice said, shoving her sketchbook back into her bag and hoisting it over her shoulder. "Pray for me."

"For what?" I questioned. "You were born to be Head Girl."

"Maybe, but I'm sure it depends on who my co-Head is," she argued.

"Here's hoping it's Lennox or Frankel," I said, crossing both of my fingers and holding them up.

She grinned before disappearing out the door and down the hallway.

"Alright, now that the delectable goody-two-shoes is gone," Dash teased, "Where are you two on the back-to-school prank I know you've been cooking up?"

Fred and I grinned at each other. "Oh, the details are nearly finalized, Dashiell Finnigan," Fred bragged. "You're in for a treat."

He chuckled, pulling his legs up and resting his feet on the opposite bench. "So," he said curiously, "Is it weird?"

"Is what weird?" Fred questioned.

"Not having Louis here."

An awkward silence filled the compartment. Since our very first year, Louis had been in that compartment with us. The void from his absence was unfortunately very noticeable.

"I suppose I'll just have to make up for him not being here by being even more loud and obnoxious," Fred said with an overdramatic sigh.

Couldn't have said it better myself.

Dash groaned. "I should have kept my mouth shut."

Fred and I dove into a conversation then about our traditional back-to-school prank, fine-tuning the details we spent all summer poring over. Dash listened on and provided input occasionally, most of which we took him up on.

The three of us looked up a few minutes later when the compartment door slid open and in wandered Shayne. "Hey," she greeted, dropping on to the bench beside her boyfriend and plopping a kiss on his cheek. "Kenley says hi."

"Ew. Why?" I murmured.

Shayne shot me a look. "She isn't so bad, James."

"I'm pretty sure she's the devil in very tight clothing."

"Ah, so you've noticed her tight clothing, have you?" Dash teased.

"You're not male if you haven't," Fred chimed in with a smirk.

Shayne rolled her eyes. "Well, it's official. All men are pigs."

Couldn't even argue with her there.

The compartment door slid open once again and in wandered Jax. "Where's AliCat? I've got good news for her."

"She's not going on a date with you, mate," Fred teased.

Jax shot him a look. "Not interested. Besides, James would castrate me if I even said the word 'date' around her."

I grinned. "I've trained you well, grasshopper."

"What's the good news?" Shayne asked.

"Just found out who got Head Boy and it isn't snooty Jessup or arrogant Pruitt."

"Tell me it's Lennox," I said eagerly.

"Sorry, Rudy Frankel got it."

I groaned. "He's too much of a pretty boy to be smart."

"Well, if that isn't a blatant stereotype," Shayne snorted, rolling her eyes. She did that a lot around me.

"Speaking of Head Boy, aren't you supposed to be at that smart people's meeting right about now?" Dash questioned Jax.

"Headed there now," he said with a shrug. Glancing towards me, he said, "By the way, just ran into Hattie Wilkes and I swear to you she got even hotter over the summer if you can believe it."

"Oy, you keep away from her, Blockhead!" I argued, sitting upright. Back when Jax was an eleven-year-old boy, someone (translation: me) had decided calling him Blockhead due to his last name being Bloch was a creative nickname. I only brought it out now in times of extreme desperation.

He smirked. "Last I checked, you didn't have a claim over her."

I scowled. "Fine, but I hope every time you flirt with her you remember my sweaty body grinding into her-"

"And there goes my breakfast," Shayne muttered.

I'd say I forgot she was there but I had stopped trying to censor myself around her long ago.

Jax grimaced. "Thank you for that pleasant imagery, Cappy. Now I have to go and wash my eyes out with a fire poker."

He turned to leave but not before I called out, "You better not be doing that because I need those eyes on my Quidditch pitch!"

As if on cue, Shayne rolled her eyes.

Dash and I dove into a conversation about the start of the upcoming pro Quidditch season set to begin in just one more week while Fred somehow swindled Shayne into playing chess against him. It was an unusually quiet hour considering a Weasley and a Potter made up one-half of the group, but I suppose we didn't cause nearly enough trouble as my parents believed we did.

I was arguing with Dash that the Macaws had the most underrated defense opposed to the Finches that Dash believed, when the compartment door opened once again.

"Terrence Owens has a higher aim rate than the Finches' beaters combined!" I boasted.

"Failah Heathens has a higher blocking rate than the Macaws' keeper and it's not even close," Dash argued.

"He's an idiot, AliCat. Just ignore him," Jax was saying to Alice in the doorway, "We all know he's just trying to get a rise out of you."

I halted my conversation with Dash to look up at Alice who was wearing a rather sullen frown on her face. "Ignore who?" I interjected.

"No one," she said, shooting Jax a look as she fell on to the bench beside me.

My eyes narrowed. "Ignore who?" I repeated.

" _No one_ ," she snapped at me.

My eyebrow shot up as Fred chimed in. "Uh, dare I ask how the smarty-pants meeting went?"

"Swell," Alice spoke brusquely.

Alice has never used the word 'swell' in her life so I had a very strong feeling that the meeting had been far from swell.

"AliCat, he's-"

"Don't," she cut Jax off, her eyes filled with pleading. "Someone change the subject."

Tense silence filled the compartment before Shayne spoke up. "So, is Rudy still as good-looking as I recall?"

As Alice chuckled, Dash grunted. "Shopping around for your next boyfriend, hm?"

"Don't worry, Finnigan, you're still better-looking than Rudy," Alice chimed in with a teasing grin.

"Really? This git?" I contemplated.

"Shouldn't you be off shagging Hattie in the loo by now?" he barked at me.

Hm, that did sound like a rather appealing option.

"Talk about good-looking," I smirked with a low whistle.

Alice rolled her eyes. So did Shayne. Obviously. "She asked at the meeting if you got Quidditch Captain, Jay. Wanted me to pass along her congratulations."

"I'll make sure to thoroughly thank her later," I bragged, my usual trademark smirk filling my expression.

More eye rolls.

"Now, how about we get back to who you need to ignore, Ace?" I demanded.

She glared at me. "Don't you ever let shit go, Jay?"

"No," I said because that was the truth. "Why won't you tell me about the meeting?"

"Because there's nothing to tell!"

"That's a lot of hostility in your voice for 'nothing to tell.'"

 _"Leave it alone_."

"You know I won't."

"Oh, for Merlin's sake," she snapped, jumping off the bench and storming out.

I watched her go, a grimace on my face. I'd have to pay for pestering her later but first I glanced towards Jax. "Alright, Jackie, spill."

"Yeah, I'm totally okay with you never calling me that ever again."

"What happened at the meeting?" I said, ignoring him.

He sighed. "Brooks Pruitt being a bloody idiot, that's all."

My eyes narrowed almost immediately at the mention of my nemesis. Or one of my nemeses. Yeah, I have quite a few of them actually.

Fred was the one who asked, "Fucking hell, what did that prat do now?"

"Don't worry about it," Jax sighed with a quick shake of the head. "Frankel put him in his place."

"Why won't you tell us what happened?" I snapped.

"Because I'm pretty sure AliCat will hex me if I tell you guys and she would totally smoke me in a duel."

I hesitated. On the one hand, I really wanted to know what happened. On the other hand, Alice _would_ totally smoke him and that might leave me down a man in Quidditch.

What to do. What to do.

"I'll smash your face in with a bludger in our first practice if you don't tell us what that fucking asshat said to her," Fred chimed in.

Fred to the rescue.

Jax grimaced and I could see that he was now weighing his options. Either Alice would take him out or Fred would. On the one hand, Alice was a very frightening dueler. On the other hand, Fred never missed a target. One might land him in the hospital wing for a few hours. The other might leave him without a face.

Seemed like a pretty obvious choice to me.

Jax sighed. "He, uh, may have told AliCat in front of all the prefects that the only reason she got Head Girl was because her father sucked up to the Headmistress."

Silence filled the compartment before we all broke out into outrage.

" _That arrogant son-of-a-bitch,"_ Fred swore.

"That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard," Shayne huffed.

"She's the smartest witch in the entire school!" Dash groaned.

" _I'm going to kill him_ ," I said, jumping off the bench and rushing towards the door.

"Don't," Jax said, grabbing the back of my shirt before I could disappear out the door. I stumbled backwards and glared at him. "It's already been dealt with and if you go flying off the handle now, it'll look like AliCat needs a man to fight her battles. And we all know that girl can fight her own battles just fine."

"I'm not fighting her battles, I'm just going to punch the jackoff's skull in," I sneered.

"Please don't make me be the voice of reason," Jax whined. "We all know how bad at it I am."

"The voice of reason amongst us already walked out that door," Fred pointed out.

None of us bothered arguing with that statement. While the rest of us had tendencies to fly off the handle, Alice was always poised and composed. She rarely raised her voice and anger wasn't an emotion she showed often. Truth be told, she kept the rest of us in line.

Not that I'd ever admit that to her.

Sighing, I headed towards the door.

"Oy, where are you going?" Jax whined.

"To find Ace," I said, glancing towards him with a shrug. "Don't worry, I'll leave resident douchebag alone. For now anyway."

"That provides me with no comfort whatsoever," he groaned but I ignored him as I slipped into the corridor.

I thankfully didn't come across Brooks bloody Pruitt in the corridor or I knew I wouldn't be able to control my wand's actions. He had long decided to hate me, and me him, when it was clear I was better at him on the Quidditch pitch. And Brooks did not enjoy being second best. Or third best. Hell, he barely even made the top 5. He wasn't a bad keeper but he let his emotions get the better of him and the moment his team started losing the lead, his aggression overcompensated and often led to stupid mistakes. I told him this once and he punched me in the face. I kickedh im in the balls, though, so really, I was the winner of that fight.

I knew that Alice would be hiding in the prefect's compartment as it would be the only empty compartment at this time so I made my way down the entire length of the train to that first compartment. Peering in, I saw her sitting along the window bench with her sketchbook resting on her knees. I opened the compartment and slid in. Before I could get a word out, she said, "Don't."

My eyebrow shot up. "My, what a beautiful greeting."

She glanced up, her eyes filled with slight annoyance. "I know Jax told you."

I smiled sheepishly. "Fred threatened it out of him."

"Not you?"

I shrugged, making my way around the round table in the middle of the compartment towards her. "I spent too long weighing my options and Fred swooped in."

Her eyes narrowed as if she wanted to comment but she thought better of it as she returned to the sketch in her hand. "I'm fine, Jay."

I sighed, climbing on to the bench beside her. "He's not right, Ace," I urged, nudging her with my foot. "Don't let him make you think otherwise."

She frowned but said nothing, skidding her charcoal pencil across the page.

 _"Ace_ ," I urged.

"I don't want to talk about this," she snapped at me. "And you don't get to bring up my father to me when you never want to talk about yours."

Ouch. She was more put off by Brooks' words than I realized.

I merely shrugged at her. "You want to have issues with your father, go right ahead. But don't make up an unfounded, bogus issue that isn't even close to actually existing just because you want to be just like me."

She rolled her eyes as I flashed a teasing smile towards her. "I don't have issues with my father," she muttered.

I nodded. "I know, which is why I'm curious why you are so bothered by meaningless words from a prat like Pruitt."

She stared at the intricacies of the drawing in front of her, refusing to look up at me. I took that as a good sign for had she looked up, there would have been a glare there.

"You're just going to tell me I'm being ridiculous."

My eyebrow shot up. "Have I ever once told you that you're ridiculous, Ace?"

She continued to stare at the page in front of her, her lips pursing curiously. Sighing, she finally looked up at me. "It's one thing telling Brooks I got the Head Girl badge because of my hard work and determination. It's another thing actually believing it," she muttered reluctantly.

Ding, ding, ding. I knew she feared there may be some truth in Brooks' words, though personally I think she was an idiot for thinking so. And so I said, "Alice, you're being ridiculous."

She glared at me and I couldn't help but grin sheepishly. It's as if she wasn't aware that her grades far surpassed every other girl in our year. Hattie, the Slytherin prefect, jokingly commented on it all the time how she was convinced Alice had to have cheated on her exams to get the grades she has. Bristol Dickerson, the seventh-year Ravenclaw prefect, only got the prefect's badge because someone in their House had to though when I say the five seventeen-year-old Ravenclaw females are incredibly blonde, I'm not just talking about their hair. Violet Decker, the Hufflepuff prefect, was naturally intelligent but she put most of her effort in on the Quidditch pitch (my kind of girl). Alice was not only the obvious choice for Head Girl, she was the only choice.

"You have always been a shoe-in for the Head Girl position," I sighed. "You're not only the smartest girl in our year, you're the smartest girl in the entire school. You're the whole package, Ace. You're not just smart but funny and beautiful as well and anyone who says you got that role because of your father is just lying because they're jealous of you. I promise you, Ace, that you got that title because of the person you are, not the person your father is."

She seemed to study me for a moment, clearly recognizing that I wasn't going to back down. "Has anyone ever told you that you got a real way with words?" she spoke softly.

I smiled at her. "Just around you," I spoke, nudging her. "But it's only because you bring out the best of me."

There was a small smile on her face but I could still see wariness in her eyes. "It still feels tainted somehow," she admitted.

I shrugged. "I know."

She pulled her knees into her body with a sigh. "I don't resent my father."

I smiled. This was the difference between me and her. I felt a lot of resentment towards my father – some of which he had no control over (that whole fame thing for once) and others of which he totally deserved (such as keeping his kids in the dark about some of the bigger war details). Either way, I had built up years of resentment towards him that wasn't going away anytime soon. "You just wish you could be proud of the accomplishment without wondering if others think it was handed to you because of your father. Which, for the record, _it wasn't_."

"You're rather skilled at this whole flattery thing, aren't you," she teased, smiling at me.

"It's not flattery, it's the truth."

She rolled her eyes. "Stop."

I grinned. "Whatcha drawing?"

She turned around her sketchbook and I made a face. "Another one of Fred?" I groaned. "He's going to get a big head if you keep drawing him."

"He has really good bone structure!"

"My bone structure takes offense to that."

She shot me a look. "I have an entire sketchpad of you, James. I'm pretty sure that's how you got _your_ big head."

"Oy, my head is perfectly proportionate with the rest of my body, thank you very much," I huffed.

She threw her quill at my head and I ducked. "That could have poked me in the eye."

"I was aiming for your forehead."

"You could have missed!"

She shot me a look, her eyebrow quirking upward slowly. "Seeing as I'm the best chaser on our Quidditch team, I have very accurate aim."

There was a teasing smile on her face and I grunted. "Second best chaser," I joked.

"Equally best chaser?"

I shrugged. "Yeah, alright, I'll share the title with you."

She smiled. "How generous of you."

"I'm an extremely generous guy."

Her eyebrow shot up into her forehead.

I grinned sheepishly. "Okay, no, I'm not, but I'll try being nice this one time."

"Gee, don't strain yourself."

I chuckled as I leaned back against the wall with a content smile. "You'll be an amazing Head Girl, Ace. Just you wait."

She smiled back at me and flipped to a new page of her sketchbook. "Alright, sit still. I'll use your bone structure as my inspiration now."

Take that, Fred.

 **XOXOXOXO**

* * *

"Are these sortings always this long?" Fred whined, placing his head down on the table as "Simmons, Megara" was sorted into Hufflepuff.

"Will you quit your whining?" Alice hissed.

"I'm hungry!"

"That sounds like more whining."

He made a face but was smart enough not to comment as we directed our attention back to "Truman, Cora."

"Bets on Luce?" Fred murmured to me.

"Gryffindor," I said immediately.

"Her sister was a Ravenclaw," he reminded me.

Oh, yeah. Forgot about that.

Shrugging, I said, "I still say Gryffindor. She's the last Weasley of the bunch. We've got to go out strong."

"I don't think you get to choose how you go out," Alice commented.

She went ignored. "Lucy isn't the last Weasley. Dora is," Fred smirked.

Stop one-upping me, Fred. "She's a Lupin."

"She's half-Weasley."

"She's the next generation."

Fred blinked before shaking his head. "Oh dear Merlin, we have a next generation."

I know. Scary shit.

"A galleon?" I suggested at him.

"You're on."

"You do this every year, and every year, Fred ends up winning money," Alice muttered, shooting me a knowing look.

"My luck's gotta change at some point," I teased and I sat upright as "Wallace, Brutus" was sorted into Slytherin, knowing that Lucy had to be coming up.

"Weasley, Lucy!"

The Great Hall broke out into a variation of cheers as the Weasleys and Potters scattered about applauded for our youngest cousin and the rest of the school just applauded for her last name. I saw the eleven-year-old blush as she bounced up to the stool and sat down.

 _Gryffindor. Gryffindor. Gryffindor_.

At least a minute went by before the hat was calling out "GRYFFINDOR!"

I pumped my fist into the air and yelped, outstretching my hand towards my cousin who let out a loud groan. "Cough it up, Freddo!"

He dipped into his pocket and tossed me a galleon. "You got lucky, Potter."

I grinned and pocketed the galleon as Lucy wandered over to the table and sat amongst the other first years. I reached passed Alice and held up my hand. "Alright, Luce, welcome to the only House that matters!"

"James," Alice groaned, but she went ignored as Lucy looked at my hand skeptically.

She glanced up at me with a shrug. "I wanted Ravenclaw," she drawled. "Daddy says you Gryffindors are nothing but trouble."

I looked shocked for a mere moment before both myself and Fred broke out into laughter. "Well, he's not wrong I suppose," he smirked, high-fiving me when it was clear Lucy wouldn't.

"Yes, he is," my sister huffed from the other side of Lucy. "We're not all trouble."

"Ditto," Hugo smirked.

"You keep away from boys and I might actually believe it, sis," I shot back at her.

She looked like she wanted to respond but at that time the tables began filling up with food and we all dug in.

When the Feast was coming to a close, I grinned as the full sheet cakes ended up exploding, cake and frosting going every which way and ending up causing nothing short of a sticky mess. Shrieks and gasps alike filled the air as students got pelted with the cake debris. I, myself, got frosting to the eye but I merely chuckled as I shared a triumphant smirk with Fred. That earned me a glare from Rose. I pretended not to know anything about it, but Rose had long learned that any sort of trouble at school was most likely started by me and Fred. I couldn't help but feel nostalgic at the reminder that Louis used to be there to help us with these pranks in prior years.

"Exploding sheet cake?" Alice muttered, patting herself down with a handful of napkins. "That's the best you can do for your last first-day Feast?"

My amusement faded into realization that that was in fact the last prank I'd play on the very first day of Hogwarts. I glanced over at Fred who had an equally sullen look on his face. We both turned away.

"Any idea who might have caused this prank?"

I glanced up at the sound of Alice's father's voice. "Nah," I lied. "But if I had to venture a guess, I'd blame a Slytherin. They're looking rather shifty at the moment."

Alice had to suppress the urge to laugh as I watched a disapproving crease settle into my pseudo-Uncle's forehead. " _James_ ," he sighed, shaking his head. "When are you going to put those brains of yours towards your studies instead of coming up with disrupting pranks?"

He says disrupting. I say delightful.

I feigned confusion. "I'm not sure I know what you're referring to."

He made a show of rolling his eyes. "I swear sometimes you're also George's son," he muttered.

"Nope, just James Potter's grandson," I said with a proud grin.

I knew very little about my grandfather, but from the stories I've heard, he and the owner of my middle name knew how to stir up trouble in school. They had become illegal Animagi by their fifth year, created the Marauders' Map in the same year (of which I had pilfered from my father's study after Uncle George mentioned that Harry probably still had it), ruled the Gryffindor Quidditch team, and were significant members of the Order of the Phoenix before their tragic deaths. It would be so incredibly wrong of me _not_ to be a troublemaker considering who I was named after.

When the Feast had come to a close, Fred, Alice, and I gathered ourselves and headed towards the exit. "Do you have to go round up the firsties?" I asked, draping my arm across Alice's shoulder with a stifled yawn.

"Nope, that's what we have fifth years for," she teased.

"Who are the new Gryffindor prefects this year?" I questioned as if I really cared.

"Miles West and Rebecca Finley."

I shrugged. "No idea who they are."

She rolled her eyes. "Do you know any of the fifth years?"

I hesitated and contemplated her question. "Uh…"

Fred intervened. "There's some girl named Cassandra or Cassidy or whatever."

"Close, personal friend, hm?" Alice snorted. "Let me guess: you only know of her because she's got blonde hair, blue eyes, and huge boobs."

"I resent that accusation!" Fred exclaimed.

"Nah, that's pretty spot-on actually," I smirked.

He elbowed me in the side. "Shh, I like to at least pretend I'm a decent human being sometimes."

My eyebrow quirked. "When do you _ever_ pretend to be a decent human being?"

That had Alice laughing and him scowling at me but there wasn't much he could do about it since we both knew I was right.

"Reese got prefect," Alice spoke when her laughter died out.

I considered that. "That doesn't come as too much of a surprise. The girl doesn't do anything halfway, and that doesn't exclude her schoolwork."

Alice looked like she was going to say something but we were interrupted.

"Well, if it isn't Potter and his little gang."

I stiffened and turned to my right to the sound of Brooks Pruitt's voice. Behind me, I heard Fred mutter, "Why is it always Potter and his gang? Why not Weasley and his gang?"

Alice was smart enough to send him a warning look while I responded to Brooks. "I know you only refer to us as a gang because the concept of friendship is beyond your realm of understanding but it's still sad."

As expected, the Ravenclaw rolled his eyes. "The guy who can only make friends with his cousin and a girl he's known since birth is lecturing me about the concept of friendship? That's rich."

"Better than making friends with a guy whose asshole is bigger than his brain."

Callum Finch, Brooks' roommate and fellow Quidditch teammate, rolled his eyes at me. "Was that supposed to be an insult?"

"I rest my case."

Fred snorted as Alice intervened. "You said what you wanted on the train, Brooks," Alice spoke coolly. "How about you do yourself a favor and just walk away before I decide to take off points for disruptive misconduct?"

"Abusing your badge, hm?" he sneered. "And you honestly think you got that badge off good merit?"

The look in Alice's eye was murderous but the look in mine was worse. I took a threatening step towards the two Ravenclaws, my eyes narrowed into dangerous slits. "She told you to walk away," I warned, "And if you don't, what I'll end up doing to you is going to be far worse than a few points taken off."

"James," Alice murmured, but Brooks cut her off.

"I can't wait to crush you on the Quidditch pitch," Brooks countered, flashing me a smirk before grabbing Callum's arm and walking off.

"Wait, who was it who made it to the finals last year?" I called out. "Oh, that's right, _not you_."

He turned around with raised eyebrows. "You're reminding me of a game in which you _lost_? A tad pathetic, don't you think?"

I really needed to stop reminding people that we were in the finals last year if I wanted them to stop reminding me that we lost.

"At least we made it there," I shot back.

"And proved to the world that your younger brother is a better player than you are," Brooks laughed. He grabbed Callum's arm and the two of them disappeared into the crowd before I had the chance to respond.

"One punch," I grunted. "Let me get in _one punch_."

"He's not worth it," Alice sighed, grabbing my arm and dragging me away. "You two want to check out the Head Dorm with me?"

Fred grinned but I merely shrugged. I had seen the Head Dorm before when I may or may not have fooled around with last year's Head Girl a handful of times. I hadn't particularly liked her all that much – she was snooty and had a stick up her arse most of the time – but shagging in an actual bed had its advantages over the empty classrooms and storage closets.

We headed down the hallway where I yawned and said, "I can't believe we only have one more day until classes start. Where _oh where_ did the summer go?"

Alice shot me a look. "Just last week you were whining about how school couldn't come fast enough."

Fred turned his laugh into a cough when I glared at him. "I was whining about how _Quidditch_ couldn't come fast enough. I could do without all those pesky classes."

"What the hell are you so worried about?" Fred interjected with a roll of the eyes. "You could pass all of your classes without so much as picking up a book once this year."

My eyes lit up. "Ooh, is that a challenge?"

" _No_ ," Alice groaned. "Could you at least attempt to act like a moral student?"

"Hm, morals were never really my thing. Could I offer you mediocrity instead?"

As Fred broke out into laughter, Alice just rolled her eyes. "You already offer that," she teased.

She tried to rush off, but I grabbed her and put her into a headlock with a laugh. She groaned and shoved me away. "How is it our little Alice Longbottom scraped the Head Girl title?" I said with an overdramatic sigh. "Fuck, when did we grow up?"

"I'm pretty sure you have yet to."

Fred let out another barking laugh. "Well, that's true."

"You have the maturity level of a six-year-old," I shot back at him.

"Hm, yeah, also true."

Our laughter rang through the hallway once more. "So talk to us, Longbottom," Fred said, glancing over at the brunette, "Any guys catch your fancy this past summer?"

She looked skeptical at the question. "So that you can find them and hex them into unconsciousness?"

"Yes."

She rolled her eyes. "If ever I was interested in a guy, you two do realize that I would _never_ mention it to you, right?"

" _Who are you interested in_?"

" _I'll hex them into unconsciousness_."

"If!" she groaned. " _If_ I was interested—ugh, never mind. You two are impossible."

"Thank you," I grinned.

"We take pride in that," Fred added.

Alice rolled her eyes. "I should have made friends with Rose sixteen years ago," she muttered.

"And be an over-studious, library-obsessed stick in the mud?" Fred snorted. "You'd hate it."

She looked at him curiously. "I am an over-studious, library-obsessed stick in the mud, you twat."

"I'll give you the first two," I countered, "But the last thing that you are, Alice Longbottom, is a stick in the mud."

She smiled. "I knew there was a reason I was friends with you."

"I thought it was because of my endless charm and the dashing way my hair flips to the side like this?"

As Fred snorted, Alice just rolled her periwinkle eyes. "The only word I'd use to describe your hair is _messy_ , James Potter."

Well, didn't have much argument there. I certainly inherited my father's hair, which was about the only thing I got from him.

I shrugged. "Hey, who am I to complain? Apparently the ladies love the messy look."

"Has anyone ever not called you arrogant?"

I pondered her question for a mere moment before shaking my head. "Not that I can think of."

"He says so proudly," she giggled as we ascended the stairs towards the Head Dorm. She muttered the password to the portrait and turned to both of us as it swung open. "You two better only use that password for good."

"Gee, I feel so honored you decided to share that with us," Fred teased, gesturing her into the room.

It was small but cozy. Not much had changed since the prior year except that now it was draped in Gryffindor and Hufflepuff colors instead of the Slytherin and Ravenclaw colors that represented the Head Girl and Boy the prior year. We walked right into the small common room that held two couches, a lounge chair, and a coffee table in the middle of the room. The back wall was covered in bookshelves full of textbooks and novels throughout the centuries. To the right was a small winding staircase that led to the Head Girl's bedroom and to the left was a staircase that led to the Head Boy's bedroom. With a mere sweep of the room, we headed up the stairwell towards her bedroom.

When she pushed the door open, we were welcomed with a rather spacious bedroom. There was a queen-sized four-poster bed against the back wall and a bureau to the right of it. Against the front wall to our direct right were a desk and an empty bookshelf and on the other side of the room was a small bay window with a cozy alcove to which I had a feeling Alice would be spending a lot of time immersed in her sketches. To our left was a closet and her own private bathroom (so jealous).

I let out a low whistle as I immediately dropped on to the foot of her bed. "Not too shabby, Miss Head Girl."

She smiled, a hint of pink approaching her cheeks. "Privacy won't be too hard to come by this year I suppose," she laughed as she fell on to the bed, propping herself up against the headboard.

"You better not be using that privacy for anything except books!" I scoffed.

She rolled her eyes but said nothing more on the subject.

Fred was currently swiveling around in Alice's desk chair though he stopped long enough to say, "Can't believe this is our last year. What the hell are we supposed to do without this place?"

"Grow up?" Alice teased.

"Merlin, I hope not!" I groaned.

Cue her eye roll.

Sometimes I wondered how she was able to put up with me.

Growing up was not on my to-do list. Win Quidditch Cup was on there. Leave a legacy at Hogwarts was also there. Go out with a bang. Shag as many girls that would have me. Enjoy every damned minute of every damned day before the real world snuck up on me. But grow up? Nope, not something I was currently interested in doing.

I was very aware that I was the screw-up in my family. Or at least the farthest thing from the perfect child. My temper got me into more trouble that I could afford. Letters went home about me on a weekly basis regarding my cheek or my pranks or my overall disrespect. The professors merely tolerated me, wondering why I couldn't be more like my brother. Or hell, even my father. Two people I wanted to be absolutely nothing like. I did decently in school though I hardly tried which just made everyone around me even more disappointed in who I had become. My one and only accomplishment was Quidditch and apparently no one around me even cared that that was the department I excelled in. I had always wondered if it was because Albus was the perfect child who knew how to balance Quidditch and schoolwork and they all thought I could use some lessons on how to do so from him or if it was just easy being disappointed in me because that's all they've ever known. I tried not to dwell on it too much. I liked that I excelled in Quidditch so I didn't particularly care what anyone else thought.

"Hello?"

Alice and I lifted our heads from our pillow at the echoed sound of Rudy's voice at the bottom of the stairwell. "Come on up!" Alice cried out though I grimaced. I didn't mind Rudy too much but I knew he wasn't my biggest fan.

Translation: he hated me.

"Be nice," she warned.

I rolled my eyes but put on a fake smile anyway just as Rudy entered the room. His own smile wavered when he caught sight of me and Fred.

"Oh, hell, are you two going to be loitering around here all the time now?" he sighed.

Fred grinned while I rolled my eyes. "We do know how to entertain ourselves aside from enjoying Alice's company."

"Ah, like stealing other guys' girlfriends?" he smirked.

Fred snorted but all I did was shrug.

I may or may not have gotten caught tumbling out of a supply closet in the previous year after a rather heated hook-up with Rudy's then girlfriend. He threw a nice right hook at me, but considering I've been fighting others since I was eleven years old, he was the one who ended up in the hospital wing with a broken nose. "Something like that," I said with a matching smirk.

Rudy rolled his eyes, turning back towards Alice. "FYI, if you're interested in joining us, a bunch of my mates are headed this way for a last night before the first day of our last year celebratory gathering."

Alice rolled her eyes. "A.K.A. a party?"

"I prefer the words 'celebratory gathering.'"

She laughed and even I couldn't hold back my chuckle. "And at this celebratory gathering, might there be alcohol?"

He hesitated. "I prefer the words 'intoxicating spirits.'"

"A.K.A. firewhisky?"

"I will neither confirm nor deny that."

She rolled her eyes. "How did you bag Head Boy, Frankel?" she teased.

"My charm obviously," he teased right back.

And there goes my dinner.

"We'll be there," Fred chimed in eagerly.

Wherever there was a party, there was Fred Weasley.

Alice hesitated but eventually shrugged. "I suppose you'll need a responsible student to keep things in line."

"Hm, and where are we going to get a responsible student on such short notice?" I contemplated with a smirk.

She kicked me. "I love a party as much as the next guy but the first thing I don't want to happen as Head Girl is to get bloody impeached for partaking in an all-night rager."

"Hate to bring this up, but your father is the Herbology professor and the Head of Gryffindor, Alice. I highly doubt you'll be impeached," Rudy pointed out.

I saw her jaw tighten and I winced. I knew she hated the fact that people were always using her father as an excuse for her to be treated differently. She adored her father, but she hated being known as the child of the Herbology professor and the Head of Gryffindor.

Not that I would ever say it to her but I thought that was a much better deal than being the child of Harry Potter.

"Or, and here's a novel concept, we could just avoid getting caught," I smirked at the two of them.

"Well, yeah, there's that," Alice snickered, shimmying off the bed. I climbed off, too, heading towards the door with the two of them as Fred followed closely behind.

"Exactly how many of your mates are expected to show up?" Alice asked Rudy.

He grinned slyly. "Er…ten? Maybe fifteen?"

She sighed. "So much for not getting caught."

 **XOXOXOXO**

* * *

The "celebratory gathering" was in full swing an hour later. Rudy's old roommates had shown up early with a crateful of alcohol (I couldn't help but wonder if instead of textbooks and clothes, they loaded their trunks with contraband – actually, that didn't sound like a bad idea; wish I had thought of it myself) and were already on their way to being belligerent much to Alice's irritation. I supplied her with a shot, however, and she let it go. She always tried to be responsible and level-headed but she's a seventeen-year-old girl who enjoyed firewhisky and dancing far too much to completely avoid it.

Couldn't imagine why everyone thought I was a bad influence on her.

A few of the Hufflepuff Quidditch team members sauntered in eventually looking gorgeous as ever (their team consisted of all girls except for a fourth-year male beater) and not at all surprising was their sixth-year's seeker's Slytherin boyfriend who showed up five minutes after she did. It made me groan knowing that if Albus' roommate was there, there was a good chance he would make an appearance as well.

Sure enough, he sauntered in with his arm draped over Kat's shoulders with Scorpius right behind him. I had to admit that I got a kick out of my brother befriending the son of my father's largest Hogwarts rival, though I despised the very ground Scorpius Malfoy walked on so as much as it amused me, it also disgusted me. I saw the three of them wander over to where Roxanne was looking a bit too cozy with fellow fifth-year Ravenclaw, Zig Keppler. I made a mental note to keep an eye on those two.

Not at all surprising was Rose's absence. Unlike Alice who only pretended to be responsible, Rose really was responsible.

Most of the time. Last year's end-of-the-year party on the Quidditch pitch had her drinking a shit ton of firewhisky and snogging Van Fitzpatrick under the bleachers.

Van wound up in the hospital wing the very next morning after his legs were glued together.

Rose and I may have had our differences but hexing guys that attempt to flirt with the females of my family was my birthright as the older cousin.

"Well if it isn't James Potter in the flesh."

I whirled around at the familiar voice and grinned as Hattie Wilkes sashayed up to me. Jax had been right on the train, she _did_ get hotter though how that was even possible was beyond me. Her platinum blonde hair fell into ringlets just beyond her shoulderblades and she had these smoldering grey eyes that drew in anyone she looked at. She had on a short jean skirt that hardly left anything to the imagination paired with a simple green T-shirt that was clearly her way of reminding all of us she was in Slytherin.

"Damn, you're looking good," I said with a low whistle.

"I bet you say that to all the girls," she teased, folding her arms across her body smugly.

"Only the hot ones," I teased right back, throwing in a wink for good measure. "I trust your summer went well?"

"Can't complain," she said with a shrug. "And yours?"

"Much better now that it's over," I relied honestly.

She nodded but didn't ask me to elaborate on my comment. That was one of the things I liked about Hattie – she never tried to overstep her boundaries. "So your brother got Captain, hm?"

My jaw stiffened. "He's not the only brother that's Captain," I deflected.

She offered me a small smile. "Every single person in this school knew that that title would be yours. And that includes the portraits and the house elves, too."

I grinned at the compliment. I loved when others bragged about me. It gave me a break from having to brag about myself.

"Your brother, however, wasn't as obvious."

My smile faded. "It surprised all of us. Him included."

She nodded. "How are you doing with that news?"

Right when I say she knows how to not overstep boundaries, she goes and asks me a question I have no desire to get into.

It's a really good thing she's hot.

"Doesn't matter who's Captain," I responded with a forced smirk, "We'll still crush your team."

She rolled her eyes. "It's possible you got more cocky over the summer."

"I like to think of it as confidence."

Our conversation was interrupted by Fred's arrival whose arm was currently draped around Ryleigh's shoulders. I guess he hadn't completely given up on her yet.

"Aw, look at all of us representing all of the House Quidditch teams!" he greeted, his slurring speech proving to me that he had one too many firewhiskies.

I glanced at Hattie in slight amusement, who felt it necessary to point out, "We're missing a Ravenclaw."

Fred blinked, glancing amongst us before shrugging. "Eh, they're the worst team anyway."

"Says the guy whose sister is currently a member of said team," I smirked.

He shrugged again. "And I'm supposed to care about that?" he snorted. "Or are you suddenly about to tell me that we are now offering leniency to the teams in which our siblings occupy."

Fuck that.

Which is what I said to him.

"That's what I thought," he said with a shrug. "So here's to the only worthy Quidditch teams."

"I'll drink to that," I smirked, only then noticing my glass was empty. "Er…well, I will once I get some actual liquid in this cup."

"I'd wait a few minutes if I were you," Hattie murmured.

Glancing over to the crate of alcohol in the back of the room, I noticed my brother filling up Kat's cup. "Duly noted."

"I saw in the _Prophet_ this summer that Albus got Quidditch Captain," Ryleigh finally spoke up. Glancing towards me, she asked, "Is that true?"

"I am just tickled pink over the fact that everybody seems to love gossiping about my douche of a brother," I spoke in a very heavy sarcastic tone.

"He's not a douche," Hattie sighed.

I shot her a look.

"I can't insult my Quidditch Captain," she said sheepishly. "He could make me spend hours doing laps. _On foot_."

"It's not like he can hear you all the way across the room," Ryleigh smirked.

"Yes, but someone else could overhear and pass on the message and again, I'd prefer to avoid doing laps if possible."

"And who here has regular conversations with Albus Potter?"

Hattie flashed the Hufflepuff a withering look. "I'm not sure I like you very much, Carver."

Ryleigh seemed unperturbed by this. "That's okay. I don't like you either."

"And on that note," I interjected before a cat fight broke out.

Wait, did I just break up a potential cat fight?

Something was seriously wrong with me.

"The drink crate is safe now," Fred suggested, shooting me a look of warning.

I grabbed Hattie's arm and headed off in the opposite direction. "So," I said, turning to her with a smug smirk, "I could get another drink and we can make awful small talk with more people we don't like. Or…"

The edges of her lip twitched upward. "Or what, James?"

She was going to make me spell it out for her, wasn't she.

I leaned in close to her and said, "Or we could get out of here."

A suggestive twinkle flickered in her eye. "You read my mind," she spoke, grabbing my hand and leading us towards the door.

" _James Potter, this is all your fault_."

I stopped at the entrance with a whine, turning around to meet Alice's glare. "Er…what is?"

Her hands were planted irritably on her hips. "Look around, Jay. Does this look like a party for Rudy's friends or yours?"

I glanced around the room with a sheepish grin. As many Hufflepuffs as there were, they were far outweighed by people I associated with. "I would hardly call Al or Scorpius Malfoy my friend."

Her eyes narrowed. "This ten-person social gathering has gotten out of control."

I shrugged. "I've been here with you the whole time," I reminded her. "Exactly how was _I_ to get the word out?"

She hesitated. "I don't know, but somehow it's your fault. I've learned throughout the years it's always your fault."

I'd take offense to that if it weren't so true.

"He can't help that people are unconsciously drawn to him," Hattie spoke with a suggestive smile, winking at me.

Her smile and her grey eyes were seriously turning me on, but Alice just rolled her eyes. "Don't give his ego any more reason to grow."

"You love this ego," I pointed out with a teasing grin at my best friend.

"I love you despite your ego," she corrected.

That was the closest thing I was going to get to a compliment from her tonight.

"We've been throwing parties for years," I told her. "We know how to be discrete."

"There are nearly twenty-five people stuffed into a tiny common room. That is hardly being discrete."

"And exactly what am I supposed to do to change that?" I asked, getting slowly irritable that Alice was delaying what would most likely be one hell of a shag. "You're Head Girl, Ace, not me."

"Yeah but people will listen to you," she whined.

Well, that was true. At some point over the last seven years, my popularity status had somehow presented me with a leadership role I hadn't exactly asked for. "Just tell Frankel to turn down his music. That's what's going to tip off the professors that something might be going on here."

She rolled her eyes. "What sound advice," she muttered sarcastically, before whirling around and heading into the crowd. I watched as she sought out Rudy, who was smart enough to look sheepish, before I turned back towards Hattie. "Where were we?"

She grinned, instinctively reaching up and wrapping her arms around my shoulders, drawing me close to her. "We were right about here," she whispered before kissing me.

Oh how I've missed those lips.

 **XOXOXOXO**

* * *

I would have opted for another five hours of sleep if Alice hadn't kicked me in the shin to get me out of bed. I complained about it all the way down to the Great Hall at which point she told me that if I didn't shut up, she'd tell Mayzie Edelman I had a crush on her.

Mayzie Edelman was a mistake I made two years earlier who has since tried convincing me we were meant for each other.

Needless to say, she was someone I actively avoided.

As we slid into the Gryffindor table besides Fred, Dash, and Shayne, the latter greeted us with a "Good morning."

"It's the first day of classes," I drawled. "Describe the 'good' part of it."

She rolled her eyes. "My, aren't we in a lovely mood this morning."

"I didn't get much sleep last night," I muttered, stifling a yawn.

Fred smirked. "Ah, busy with the delectable Hattie Wilkes, hm?"

I grinned sheepishly. "Er…no?" I teased.

Alice snorted into her water glass. "Liar."

I shot her a look. "Hey, technically I was with you for most of the night."

Dash froze, his scone halfway to his mouth. "Excuse me?"

"No, not like _that_ ," I scoffed, making a face. "I just meant I ended up staying the night in Alice's room."

He snorted. "And that's not supposed to have my mind go towards dirty thoughts?"

I frowned hesitantly. "You know what I mean!"

"Trust me, Dash," Alice interjected, rolling her eyes. "I was asleep by the time he bothered to show up. I didn't even know he was there until I woke up an hour ago."

"You two are the most boring couple ever," Fred chimed in with a goofy grin.

"Probably because we're not a couple," I snorted, swiping the scone out of his hand and taking a big bite of it. "What about you, Freddo? Did you close the deal with Carver?"

" _Close the deal_?" Shayne groaned.

"Hey, a man does not shag and tell," Fred boasted, ignoring Shayne outright.

"What men are you talking about because last I checked, we always shagged and told," I snorted.

"I am so glad we are having this wonderfully deep conversation at the breakfast table," Shayne muttered to no one in particular.

"Why don't we ask Miss Alice here if she snogged anyone last night?" Dash chimed in with a devious smirk, his eyes pretty much telling me he already knew the answer to his own question. "Anything you'd like to share with your dear pal James, AliCat?"

" _What_?" I exclaimed, turning to Alice whose cheeks were burning red as she attempted to glare at Dash.

"Thanks for that, Dashiell," she muttered.

" _Who were you snogging_?" I demanded, my breakfast now laying abandoned as I focused all of my efforts into interrogating Alice. It wasn't every day Alice snogged random men. In fact, it was a rare occurrence. She often kept to herself, ignoring the stereotypical drama that came with boy-crazy, hormonal teenage girls. She had been on a few dates here and there and she had a boyfriend for a few months back in our fifth year (who I hexed more times than I could count) but since then, her love life had pretty much remained stationary which is exactly how I liked it.

And before you say it, I realize I'm a hypocrite for shagging as many women as humanly possible while refusing to let Alice do the same. But if the rest of the guys in the school are anything like me, I wanted them all far away from Alice Longbottom.

" _No one_ ," she groaned, burying her head in her hands.

I reached across the table and swiped her hands away while Fred interjected. "Does this 'no one' have a first name, AliCat?"

Alice glared over at him. "Don't encourage James."

"I'm not. I just really want to know what guy has finally caught your fancy," he smirked.

"He has not caught my fancy," she argued stubbornly. "I had a little too much to drink, we got to talking, and then…well, then there wasn't so much talking going on."

I shuddered. "Ugh, I so do not need the details."

"C'mon, tell us, AliCat!" Fred said eagerly, bouncing up and down on the bench.

"You really didn't see it?" Dash questioned. Fred shook his head and Dash glanced towards me. "Neither of you?"

"We were clearly otherwise occupied, Finnigan," I shot back. "So c'mon, out with it. Who was she snogging?"

" _No one_ ," Alice cried out, glaring at Dash heatedly.

Dash chuckled and before Alice could lunge across the table and shove a scone in his mouth, he blurted out, "Tanner Carmichael."

Remember that boyfriend I mentioned just a few minutes ago?

"Your prat of an ex?" I blurted out.

Alice shot me a look. "The only reason you think he's a prat is because you couldn't stop him from dating me no matter how many times you tried hexing him."

"I don't _try_ to hex people. I succeed."

Speaking of, I wonder what hex I should use on Tanner Carmichael the first time I come across him.

" _Don't you go getting any ideas, James Potter_."

I swear she was a Legilimens.

"Who, me? _Never_ ," I argued innocently.

She glared at me but before she could find a way to threaten me, we were interrupted.

" _James Potter, what is the matter with you?_ "

I cringed at the voice I knew all too well. Turning around in my seat, I smiled innocently up at my cousin. "Why hello there, Rosie. How _are_ you on this fine Monday morning?"

"You really felt the need to throw a party on your _first night back_ at Hogwarts?"

"Wasn't my party."

"It's always your party."

I cheerfully took pride in that. "Are you just upset because you weren't invited?" I said with a teasing grin. "No worries, I'll make sure Frankel slips you an invite next time."

"Do you just sit around on your arse all day and plot ways you can land yourself into trouble?"

"I don't have rock hard abs from sitting around on my arse all day, Rosie dearest."

Alice groaned beside me, hitting Fred on the arm with a fork when he stifled a laugh. Rose just glared at me, which was obviously expected. "Neville knows about your little shindig."

Like that mattered.

"Again, it wasn't my shindig," I grumbled. "And my guess is he didn't come trying to break it up because he actually trusts the Head Boy and Head Girl to do the right thing. Maybe you could learn to ease up a little yourself."

"It's not the Head Boy and Head Girl we have to worry about, it's their idiotic friends!"

"Yeah, I know that Rudy's friends aren't the brightest. I'm surprised Dale is still in school to be honest. And Violet may be an ace on the Quidditch pitch but she skates by in classes. Landon is a decent guy though he could cool it on the after-shave and I suppose his grades aren't the worst-"

" _I'm not talking about Rudy's friends, you asshat_ ," Rose scowled, glaring at Fred who had stopped trying to hold in his laughter.

I shrugged. "I realize that my parents and your parents and Professor Longbottom and pretty much every Peasley there is known to man think that you're the answer to taming me, oh young one, but when will you all learn that my wild side is here to stay?"

"That wild side is going to wind up expelled one of these days."

"I've managed to stay in school thus far so I'll take my chances," I shot back with another shrug. "But seeing as you're here, I may as well use this time to-"

" _I'm not trying out for your stupid team_ ," she snarled before turning on her heel and heading towards the front of the table where Harley and Jett sat amongst their other friends.

"Oy, reject me all you want but don't call us stupid!"

She flipped me off and went back to her breakfast.

"Y'know," I said, glancing back towards my own friends, "I think I might be wearing her down."

I wasn't surprised at all when they all responded with heavy laughter.

 **XOXOXOXO**

* * *

The first week of school went by rather uneventfully. I actually showed up to classes which anyone who knew me knew was an accomplishment. I didn't participate but I never did. Besides, I was too busy studying my extensive playbook to actually pay attention to whatever the professors were droning on about.

But hey, at least I showed up.

It was Friday and Gryffindor's tryouts were scheduled for the very next morning and to say I was stressed would be the understatement of the year. I spent most of Friday morning tossing and turning until I gave up on sleep and decided what I really needed was to go for a nice jog around the grounds. Sneaking out of my bed, I threw on a pair of shorts and an old Quidditch T-shirt, slipped into my trainers, and snuck out of the dorm at a quarter past six.

When I spilled out on to the grounds and started to take a lap around the perimeter, I suddenly realized that I wasn't alone.

Why was I not surprised in the least that Alice Longbottom was out there for a run, too?

I snuck up behind her and grabbed her waist, which caused her to shriek out and then quickly clobber me with her elbow.

"For Merlin's sake, Jay, you scared me to death!" she groaned, shoving me away from her.

I massaged the side of my abdomen where her elbow got me and grinned at her. "You look pretty good for a dead girl."

She shoved me again for good measured and said, "What are you doing out here anyway? You crave sleep more than anyone I know."

I shot her a look. "You clearly don't know Fred then."

She hesitated. "You crave sleep more than anyone I know, excluding Fred."

I laughed. "Couldn't sleep," I said and then gave her a gesturing nod to the right. She seemed to understand that that meant we should continue with our run so we both fell in line with each other as we began to jog.

"Thinking about tomorrow's Quidditch tryouts?"

If I ever thought I could hide anything from Alice, I was sorely mistaken.

"You and I are the best two chasers in the school," I murmured as a I set a leisurely pace. "But we if wind up with some barely-talented chaser who can't hold his own weight, we're looking at third or fourth place at best."

A frown appeared on her face. "Has anyone ever told you that you worry too much?"

"If anyone in our family worries to much, it's Rose," I huffed.

"Maybe about schoolwork or the future or life in general, but when it comes to Quidditch, you have a monopoly on the worrying."

Couldn't exactly argue with her.

"I just want to get to the finals so badly," I muttered, wiping sweat from my brow.

She appeared to be thinking so I said nothing and waited for her to respond. "Do you want to get to the finals because our team always manages to fall short in the end?" she questioned, reminding me that as many finals as we've been to, we've never won the Cup, "Or because you're looking to show off a little for the recruiters who will be at that final match?"

I knew if I wanted my best, possibly only, chance to be offered a starting position on one of the prominent professional Quidditch teams instead of either not being offered a position at all or just being offered a reserve position, Gryffindor needed to be in that final.

I shrugged. "Why can't it be both?"

Her elbow nudged my side and when I glanced her way, I saw a smile on her face. "It can be," she said, "But if you stress yourself out before the year even starts, you're going to be a rather ungrumpy pile of tension that no one is going to want to deal with fairly early on."

I pouted. "That doesn't include you, does it? Because for some rather strange reason, you always manage to stick around even at my peak moments of idiocy."

She suppressed the urge to laugh and instead rolled her eyes. "So you mean, like, all the time?"

I gaped at her and tried to elbow her but she skirted away with a laugh before I could. "That's it. You're running laps at our first practice!"

She turned around with a smirk and slowly shook her head. "Bullshit. You won't make me run laps."

She was right.

I really hated it when she was right.

Which, for the record, was all the time.

With a defeated sigh, I simply shrugged and said, "Race ya to the pitch?"

She looked at me. "Aw, are you okay losing to a girl so early in the morning?"

"Oh, I assure you, the only one who will be losing is you."

She grinned and with a shrug, whirled around and took off.

"Cheater!" I shouted as I chased after her.

She won and proceeded to tell everyone at breakfast that she was better and faster than I was so I stole all of her bacon.

Which makes me the real winner in the end, don't you think?

 **XOXOXOXO**

* * *

In Herbology that morning, I tuned out Neville and ran down the list of various drills I compiled that I thought would work for tryouts. Chaser tryouts were far easier when you have an established keeper. You line the chaser prospects up, give them five shots on goal and see who can actually make it past the keeper. But considering we were down a keeper, that complicated things.

I thought back to what Louis had said over the summer about how we were looking to replace two very big losses. He was right of course. I liked to think I didn't get nervous but I could feel the butterflies dancing around in my stomach. This was my final year _and I needed that win_. We hadn't won that Cup once since I joined the team my second year as a reserve. We had been to the finals three out of the past five years but the win eluded us every time. I avoided thinking about Slytherin's win in the prior year because it had been a serious blow to my ego. Instead, I thought back to the first time we went to the finals in my third year, my very first year as starting chaser, when Hufflepuff managed to catch the snitch in a record time of sixteen minutes. We made it to the finals again in my fourth year, beating out Slytherin by only twenty points, but Ravenclaw easily took the win that year as we had two new players in Fred and Alice and their team was made up of five very stacked seventh years (the very next year they failed to win a single game but I supposed that happened when you had to replace more than half the team),

The loss to Ravenclaw just reminded me that bringing on two new players to the team was an ultimate risk that could wind up in failure.

And the last thing I wanted to be known for before I left this castle behind was failure.

"Mister Potter?"

I stiffened, pulling my head out of my playbook with a sheepish grin. "Yes, Professor?"

Neville was staring at me with his usual disappointed look. "I asked you a question about the reading material."

"Dung beetles," I responded.

Alice groaned beside me and Fred stifled a laugh.

So when I was called on to answer a question that I hadn't been paying attention for, I leaned towards making up the most ridiculous answers possible.

I've hoped that that would teach the professors not to call on me. It's worked on most of them. It unfortunately has not worked on Neville.

"You're telling me that the contents of a snargaluff pod are dung beetles?" Neville sighed.

"Oh, sorry I misunderstood the question," I said with a swift shake of the head. "Unicorn blood."

" _James_ ," Alice groaned again and this time half the class accompanied Fred in snickering.

Neville did not look amused. "Did you bother to pick up a book at all over this summer, Mister Potter?"

"Of course," I argued. "I used one to prop open my window. I used another to stabilize my wobbly desk."

" _Mister Potter_ ," he warned, his voice drowned out by more laughter.

"No, I jest," I said with a shrug. "I did read a bit over the summer. _Quidditch Weekly. Quidditch Illustrated._ General Quidditch stats. Quidditch catalogs. Quidditch-"

There was more laughter from the students and more irritation coming from Neville as he cut me off. "Anything school-related, Mister Potter?" he barked.

I shrugged. These professors always assumed admonishing me in front of my classmates was going to embarrass me enough to try and get my act together.

It didn't.

"C'mon, Professor, you and I both know I didn't bother with the reading or any reading so asking me about it was going to get you a ridiculous answer. Wouldn't your time be better spent with you calling on one of the students that actually has their hand raised?"

He frowned and I could see the frustration in his eyes. "That is some cheek you got there," he spoke coolly. "Detention tonight, Mister Potter."

"What? No! You can't do that!" I groaned. "I have to prepare for tomorrow's tryouts!"

"Seems to me you're spending enough time during class preparing for tryouts that you could probably use a break tonight," he retaliated, nodding at the ratty notebook in my hands. "Now who can actually tell me what is inside a snargaluff pod?"

I threw my quill down on to the table with an exasperated grunt, wondering what good having a pseudo-uncle was if he wasn't at least going to give me some sort of special treatment.

"You had to have seen that one coming," Alice murmured out of the corner of her mouth.

"Don't make me prod open this snargaluff pod and squirt dung beetles at you."

Fred stifled another laugh while Alice merely sighed.

 **XOXOXOXO**

* * *

Sweeping the greenhouses without magic was my punishment. I took it with stride. Detention was practically my second home so whatever task was set upon me was one I just shrugged and fulfilled. The other option was not getting into trouble and we all knew that that would never happen.

"Before I hand you the broom and send you on your merry way," Neville said, sitting back in his chair with a sigh, "I did promise you a lecture once we returned to Hogwarts."

Oh, goody.

"This is your last year, James," he spoke softly. "You won't get any other chances to be the exceptional student we all know you're capable of. Being cheeky with your superiors in the real world doesn't get you a detention, it gets you fired. It doesn't matter what you wind up doing after school – whether it's Quidditch or a Ministry job or anything else your heart may desire – you're going to be in for a rude awakening when you realize that being humble is the only way to earn respect and stability."

He was really beginning to sound like my dad.

I hated that.

"Okay" is all I said.

He was smart enough to realize that everything he was saying was going in one ear and out the other so he went with another approach. "If you continue getting into the same amount of trouble you have in the past, don't think we won't take away that Captain badge of yours. That badge is a privilege not a right."

"I know," I said because it was what he expected me to say.

He let out a soft sigh. "I want you to succeed, James, in everything you do. And I'm not just saying this as your professor."

I really hated it when he got all sappy on me. "Ah, yes, and you apparently feel the need to see me succeed in my housekeeping skills," I said with a teasing grin.

The edges of his lips turned upward. "You've had a lot of practice over the years."

"Sweeping floors is my specialty."

He chuckled. "Well, go on then. Get going so you can get back to pouring over that playbook of yours we both know you'd much rather be doing."

He knew me so well.

I grabbed the broom and left his office to head down to the greenhouses.

I was in greenhouse three when I heard the door creak open. Glancing behind me, I smiled as Alice slipped in. "Ah, come to take over my sweeping duties?" I grinned.

"And take away one of the ways you build up your muscles?" she teased. "I wouldn't dream of it."

"So you've been noticing my muscles, have you?"

She snorted as she pulled herself up on to one of the tables. Crossing her legs underneath her, she said, "I realize you have some weird obsession with talking back to your professors, but could you perhaps tone it down a bit around my dad?"

I paused from my sweeping to glance towards her. "He doesn't give me any special treatment," I said with a shrug. "Why should I give it to him?"

"Because you're my best friend and he's my dad."

Still not sure that quite justified me playing nice with a professor. I told her that.

She sighed. "Then how about doing it because I'm asking you to."

Oh, she just had to play that card.

I made a face at her. "Can't you ask me to be nicer to the house elves or something? I'm much more inclined to following through on that request."

She let out a faint chuckle while shaking her head. "I can't imagine where Dad gets this idea from but he's inclined to think you might be a bad influence on me."

"Says the _Head Girl_."

"The Head Girl who threw a party in her common room on her very first night there."

"That was Frankel's idea! Maybe your dad should be thinking _he's_ the bad influence!"

She smiled but it was forced. "Do it for me, Jay."

I let out a groan. "I really hate it when you play that card."

"I know," she spoke softly. "That's why I'm playing it."

I made a face. "Alright, _fine_ , but you're not allowed to use that card for at least another six and a half weeks."

"How specific."

I just chuckled. "And I hope you realize that this just means I'll have to be extra insolent in my other classes to make up for not being that way with your father."

"Or, and here's a novel concept, you could be _courteous_."

I blinked. "I'm sorry, the meaning of that word has completely escaped me."

"You're a pain in my arse sometimes, James Potter."

I considered her words before slowly shaking my head. "Only sometimes? Damn, I must be slipping."

 **XOXOXOXO**

* * *

"Why not just hold the chaser and keeper tryouts simultaneously?" Fred suggested. "See who's up for the challenge?"

"That's the dumbest idea I've ever heard," Alice drawled from where she lay sprawled out on her bed.

"Oh, I'm pretty sure Fred has had dumber," I said dismissively.

Alice stifled a laugh. "We can't just try out keepers and chasers at the same time because the results will be skewed. If a terrible chaser is up against a terrible keeper, they could still score several goals and it won't give us a good idea of their skill level."

"Why the hell am I even here if neither of you are going to take me up on my suggestions?" he groaned.

"Have we ever mistaken you as people who take your advice?" I smirked.

I ducked as a pillow came toppling towards my head.

"I could be out with Ryleigh right now, y'know."

"You're still seeing her?" Alice questioned curiously. "It's been five days. That's at least three days past your usual expiration date."

"Well, lookie here, someone has learned to count," Fred teased, earning him a rightful kick to the shins. "I'm not _seeing_ her. I'm shagging her. There's a difference, AliCatastrophe."

"Yeah, let's not make that nickname a thing, okay?"

"I don't know how much I like the idea of you spending time with the enemy, Fred," I grunted.

"Says the guy who's been shagging Hattie Wilkes for the past year."

"That's different."

They both snorted simultaneously. "Oh, really? How?" Alice questioned.

I hesitated. Okay, it wasn't different at all. It was exactly the same. Only I'd never give up insider secrets to a girl just for a shag. There's a definite chance Fred might.

"Can we get back to planning tryouts?" I deflected.

Alice smirked. "Changing the subject?"

"No, you guys were the one that changed the subject. The original subject was tryouts. I'm trying to unchange the subject."

"'Unchange' isn't a word."

I groaned. "Do I look like I'm looking for a vocabulary lesson right now?"

Or ever really.

She grinned sheepishly. "Start with keeper tryouts," she spoke with a shrug. "And then when you've narrowed it down to the best prospects, put them on the hoops and start your chaser tryouts. By the end of the day, you'll have a really good idea of who can handle the pressure for both positions."

I nodded slowly. "Yeah, I was leaning towards doing that."

She threw her hands in the air as Fred let out a whimper. "Then why the hell did you insist on gathering us tonight?" she exclaimed.

"It can't possibly be because I actually enjoy your company," I teased, nudging her with my foot.

"That's funny because I'm hardly enjoying yours right now," Fred murmured under his breath.

I threw his pillow back at him. I was very pleased when he didn't duck in time and it hit him square in the face.

"Okay, get out of my room," Alice announced, pointing at her door. "I have an essay to finish and you two are distracting."

"Did she just call us distracting, Freddo?"

"Why I believe she did, Jameso."

"What do you think we should do about that, Freddo?"

"Smother her with pillows would be my suggestion."

"Don't you two dare even think about it!" Alice screeched, glaring at us both.

Even she wasn't surprised when four pillows were launched at her face.

 **XOXOXOXO**

* * *

"Ah, Rosie," I greeted my cousin, falling on to the couch beside her, "Just the person I was looking for."

"The answer is still no," she said without looking up from her notes.

It was the first Friday night of the school year and she was studying. What has the world come to.

"Answer to what?" I said innocently. "Maybe I just wanted to enjoy my favorite cousin's company."

"Then go find Fred."

"Fred here at your service!"

My partner in crime dropped on to the couch on the other side of Rose with a winning grin.

She sighed. "Do you two honestly think flanking me and interrupting my studies is going to get you what you wanted?"

"Who said we wanted anything?" Fred played innocent.

"You two always want something."

She had a point. As much as Rose didn't bother me nearly as much as some of my other cousins did, the only time I directly sought her out was because I was looking for a favor.

Or because Harley Duncan was around and I wanted to spend a few minutes flirting with her.

Speaking of, I wonder where she was at the moment.

"We shouldn't be interrupting your studies because it's a Friday," I huffed. "The first Friday of the year. You should be out having some wild fun. You're supposed to be young, kiddo."

"Yeah, well, the intelligence in our family is severely lacking. I'm pretty much our only hope in being successful."

Fred and I glanced at each other. "I think she just insulted us, Freddo."

"I think you're right, Jameso."

"What should we do about it, Freddo?"

"Force her to join the Quidditch team, Jameso."

"I like your thinking, Freddo."

"Stop," Rose groaned, shaking her head. "That bit is older than Binns."

I stifled a laugh. "Besides, last I checked, all of our graduated cousins have well-paying jobs. Victoire aside who now only does photography for fun and chooses to be a housewife—gag me—Teddy is an Auror for Merlin's sake, and-"

"Teddy is also not technically a Weasley or a Potter."

I ignored that even though it was technically true. "Molly is going into her second year of her law apprenticeship, Dominique is studying to be a Healer, Louis is already a ridiculously renowned Quidditch announcer and he only graduated three months ago, and my perfect little brother is looking to be an Auror. So which family members are you referring to when you call them out for likely being unsuccessful?"

She lifted her gaze from her notes with a smirk I didn't like one bit. "Oh, you're right, our family is filled with greatness. All except you two."

Yeah, I probably should have seen that one coming.

I glanced over at Fred who appeared to be shrugging. "Why do you not seem bothered by that?" I shot his way.

"Because Rose is right. I'm going to go work in a joke shop after I graduate," he drawled. "It pales in comparison to what the rest of our cousins are doing."

"Except for Vic," I pointed out. "I mean, I'd rather work in a joke shop than be a housewife."

"I think you have to be female to be a housewife, Jameso."

I rolled my eyes as Rose let out a rather irritated groan. "Why are you two still sitting here?"

"You know why," I said with my own irritated groan. "Tryouts are tomorrow."

"Good for you but that affects me how?"

I sighed. "Don't make this harder than it has to be."

Her glare was suddenly filled with her usual touchy flair. "Why the hell can't you just go bother my brother into trying out for chaser?"

Fred was the one who replied. "We both know he's a beater at heart, kiddo."

"So then go bother the other eighty Gryffindors because your attempts at convincing me to play for you aren't going to work," she countered. "I realize that you two aren't all that accustomed to being rejected by the opposite sex so let me be the first to tell you _no way in hell_."

I made a face as Fred sighed and glanced across Rose at me with a grimace. "I think she might be a lost cause, mate."

"It's weird," I mused, "It's like she complimented us at the same time she was rejecting us."

"In what world was that me complimenting you?" she groaned.

"You praised our woman-seducing ways," I smirked. "Sounded like a compliment to me."

"Definitely a compliment," Fred agreed.

"I'm pretty sure I've never met bigger prats than you two," Rose sighed.

"Probably true," I said with a shrug.

"Definitely true," Fred agreed.

I let out a reluctant sigh. It's not like I thought my last-ditch effort in wooing Rose would get me anywhere but I had held out a tiny bit of hope that she'd concede. I may have had a way of convincing other people to cater to my needs but Rose had never been one to bow down to anyone, much less her cousin who she often preferred to spend time away from.

Couldn't imagine why. I'm a bagful of fun all the time.

"Well, the night is young, Freddo," I commented, glancing around the room. "Who do we have time to bother before we call it a night?"

"Well, Jameso," Fred said in his announcing voice, "In the one corner, we have Kenley Brown and Lena Cattermole, who are always fun to ruffle feathers with. In the opposite corner, we have your sister looking a tad too cozy with CJ Wood."

I whirled around to search for my sister, who I found lounging on the floor beside Hugo, Rayne, and CJ. My eyes narrowed as she tilted her head back to laugh at something CJ said. "Looks like we have a winner," I grunted.

"Leave them alone," Rose sighed.

Oops, forgot she was still there.

"They're not doing anything," she continued, sending us both a look of terrifying warning.

"He's making her laugh," I argued.

"Oh, heaven forbid someone laughs around here," she responded with a roll of the eyes. "Go fight with Kenley and Lena. You know how much you love riling those two up."

She made an excellent point.

"Wood better not be getting any ideas," I growled as I continued to keep watch over my sister.

"Roxy must feel incredibly blessed that she is free to do whatever she wants in her common room without her brother looking over her shoulder every few seconds," Rose muttered to no one in particular.

"Oy, what is my sister doing in her common room that she doesn't want me monitoring?" Fred barked.

"It was hypothetical," she groaned.

"Hypothetically, what is my sister doing in her common room that she doesn't want me monitoring?"

She sighed. "I don't think it gets said enough that you two are insufferable prats."

And that was one of the nicer things she called us.

"Let's go, James," Fred scoffed, abruptly pulling himself off the couch.

"Er…where?"

"Just get up," he urged before strolling towards the boys' stairwell.

I shrugged and glanced back down at Rose. I opened my mouth, but she cut me off. " _The answer is still no_."

With a groan, I picked myself off the couch and jogged up the stairwell towards my bedroom. Wandering through the door, I saw Fred rummaging through my trunk.

"What are you doing?"

"Looking for the Map. I clearly need to know what my sister is up to."

Spying on his sister from afar. Sounded like a decent enough plan for a Friday night so I merely nodded and dropped on to my bed with a stifled yawn.

I had pilfered the Marauders Map from my father's desk when I was twelve and Uncle George had accidentally (translation: on purpose) informed me of the gloriousness that was the Map. It was by far one of the best things I owned (besides my broom) and came in handy quite frequently. Dad asked over the holidays my second year if I had gotten my hands on it and I flat-out lied but I'm pretty sure he knew it was in my possession. But hey, the way I looked at it, it was rightfully mine seeing as I had the same name as one of the original creators.

Okay, that probably wouldn't hold up in a courtroom but it sounded good in my head.

I made a mental note to ask Molly for some free legal advice the next time I saw her.

"Good, she's being boring," Fred said, letting out a sigh of relief. "She's just hanging around Quinn. Who, by the way, lost a lot of weight over the summer and is looking rather fine."

Of course he thought so. Quinn was on the Quidditch team with Roxanne and anyone who plays Quidditch was a catch in Fred's mind. "You're not going after your sister's best mate," I drawled. I reached over and pulled Franny from her cage and placed her on my bed. She immediately began to scurry and decided chomping on the edge of my pillow was a good idea.

"Did I say that?" he chuckled, wiping the Map and tossing it back at me.

"Wouldn't put it past you."

He shrugged, which I took to mean it wasn't out of the realm of possibilities. Then again, if she was female, it was always in the realm of possibilities for Fred.

Fred stifled a yawn as he dropped on to his bed. "So, you're down to about fourteen hours to convince Rose it's in her best interest to join our team. Thoughts?"

Unfortunately, I had none.

"Not to pull a Louis, but you got any blackmail on her?" I questioned. I tore Franny away from the pillow and placed her on the floor. I was pleased when she decided to chomp on the handle of Parker's trunk.

"The perfect little prefect who never gets into trouble? Zilch."

"Fuck."

"Couldn't have said it better myself."

It was unfortunate that the door opened and in walked Parker Jessup. I suppressed the urge to groan, though I noticed Fred didn't suppress it at all.

The prefect rolled his eyes before emitting a low growl. "Get that stupid creature off my trunk, Potter!"

I glanced down at Franny with a shrug. "You should feel lucky. She only goes after things of luxury. She must be mistaking your hand-me-down trunk for real leather."

Parker reached down and forcefully grabbed Franny off his trunk, tossing her my way. I let out a scowl of outrage before catching her. She began to whimper and I turned to glare at the prefect. "Who the fuck treats a living creature like that?"

"That'll teach her to mess with my stuff," he sneered, digging through his trunk. "So have all the girls in this school finally banded together to determine you weren't worth their time? Only explanation for what the hell you two lamebrains are doing lounging around the room on a Friday night."

"That insult would hold a lot more weight if 1) you weren't lounging around the room, too, and 2) Fred hadn't spent his free period shagging Ryleigh Carver and I hadn't skipped dinner to shag Hattie Wilkes," I retorted with a stifled yawn.

Franny began chewing on my pillowcase again.

"I'm so glad to have been informed of your day's extracurricular activities," he muttered, "But for the record, I won't be lounging around the room. I'm going out."

"With?" Fred pressed.

"None of your business," he huffed.

Which meant he wasn't going with anyone, he was just leaving the room to make it seem like he was more popular than he was.

Which he wasn't, by the way. I'm pretty sure the professors were the only people that actually tolerated him and that was only because they had to.

"That's code for he'll be roaming the halls alone," Fred read my mind with a shrug. "Not that that's any different than how he spends his other nights."

He sent Fred a dirty look but didn't argue. Which basically meant Fred was right. "You two have fun at your gay party," Parker retaliated as he grabbed his cloak and strode towards the door.

He ripped the door open and headed out but not before I could get in one final jab. "Aw, look at that, Freddo, it sounds like he's jealous. Don't worry, Jessup, I'm sure there's some delusional guy out there just waiting to use you for sex!"

He responded by slamming the door in my face.

 **XOXOXOXO**

* * *

 **A/N:** First week of Hogwarts down.

Up next: Quidditch tryouts and the Quidditch Code.


	4. Nothing Left To Lose

**A/N:** Chapter 4 up and running! Thank you all for your wonderful reviews - they certainly keep my motivated.

* * *

 **A WAY WITH WORDS**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 4: Nothing Left to Lose

" _Something's in the air tonight  
The sky's alive with a burning light  
You can mark my words  
Something's about to break."  
_-Mat Kearney

* * *

Ah, the Hogwarts Quidditch pitch. It really was a glorious thing. The fresh-cut smell of grass mixed with the faint aroma of crisp wood could send me into a tailspin of nostalgia every time I stepped out on to that vast pitch. As I held my Lightning Bolt 5000 in my hand, a smile crept on to my lips as I took in the stillness that enveloped me. As much as I loved to be surrounded by a crowd cheering me and my team on, there was something so sacred and comforting about being alone in the middle of an empty stadium, the world at my fingertips.

I was finally home.

Tryouts didn't start for over an hour but I had woken up early, stuffed myself with eggs and kippers, and rushed off towards the pitch before hardly anyone else showed up to the Great Hall. I took spin around the pitch a few times, grinning from ear to ear as the gentle breeze brushed my cheeks. And when I touched down on the grass, I suddenly felt alive.

Reluctantly, I trudged off towards the clubhouse and waited for the rest of the team to arrive. As I wandered in through the main gate, I veered off to my immediate right that held the Gryffindor locker room. Besides our own, I had only ever been in Slytherin's locker room and the only part of it I had actually seen was the showers where a naked Hattie had been distracting me from everything else. But I imagine all of the lockers rooms probably looked similar. Ten lockers lined the walls – five on each side – enough for the players and three reserves (though currently each team only had one or two) and a handful of benches were scattered about. Beyond that were two small bathrooms that held the showers, one for the guys to use and one for the girls.

I took to one of the benches, staring up at the locker that currently had my surname written in tape on it. The black lettering was faded, though that was expected after five years, and I wondered if trying to scribble "Captain" in front of my name would be just a bit too boastful.

"You're sweaty."

I swiveled my head towards the door as Alice sauntered in.

"Are we replacing 'hello' with blanket statements now?" I teased.

"When do we ever actually say hello to each other?" she mused, dropping on to the bench beside me. "We say hey, or hi or yo, or what's up, or even the occasional how's it hanging but never in our seventeen years of knowing each other have we ever started with the very formal _hello_."

I blinked. "Are you seriously giving me a lecture on how we greet each other?"

"It's hardly a lecture. Merely an observation."

"Well, go observe someone else's greeting habits. I've got other things on my mind."

"Gee, like what?" she drawled.

I was fairly certain Alice Longbottom got more and more sarcastic as the days went by.

"How much do you love mocking me?" I said with a shake of the head.

"It's one of my favorite pastimes," she smirked.

"Where does it fall in relation to Quidditch and sketching?" I asked curiously.

She contemplated the question hesitantly before saying, "It's just under Quidditch and right above sketching. Though messing with Fred is also in there somewhere."

I couldn't help but chuckle. "Y'know," I mused hesitantly, "I just realized that we're seventh years."

She blinked, glancing at me with raised eyebrows. "You only just realized that? Do you think perhaps you've been hit in the head by one too many bludgers?"

Probably. "I just mean, we've got to make it the best year yet, don't you think? Go out with a bang?"

She pondered my words, picking herself up off the bench and trekking over to her locker. She tossed off her sweatshirt and threw it in, turning around and glancing back over at me. "How about we work our way up to the going-out-with-a-bang level and just start by picking our two new teammates?"

My smile wavered just slightly. "About that. I've been thinking," I said slowly.

"Uh-oh. Nothing good can come of you thinking."

I shot her a look while she grinned at me. "I'm going to ignore that," I drawled. "Do we even really need a third chaser? I mean, you and I could fly circles around these other teams even if down a man."

She blinked. "And people think you're arrogant."

I neglected to comment. "You know there's some truth in what I'm saying."

"The reason there are three chasers to a team is so that beaters can't single-target them," Alice reminded me. "We may be good, but even we couldn't take on a beater by ourselves while also trying to score."

I made a face. "Ugh, I hate when you talk logic to me."

She chuckled. "How about you worry about what to do with the team _after_ you see who shows up for tryouts? You never know what you might find."

"And there you go with the logic again."

She merely grinned while she twisted her hair up into a ponytail. A few stray hairs spilled out of the sides but she merely tucked them behind her ears and rejoined me on the bench as we waited for the rest of the team to arrive.

"So," she said, dropping on to the bench beside me, "What kind of crazy plays are you going to put me through this year?"

"Nothing you can't handle," I said with a grin, nudging her with my elbow. "And it'll depend on who we get as the final chaser. You, me, and Chastity nearly had the flying V formation executed and it would be nice to try to get ourselves there this year, but-"

"But if we couldn't get it with Chastity, who's to say we'll be able to get it with a newbie?"

I nodded. "Yeah," I sighed. "Don't think I should be getting my hopes up. Probably need to go back to basics to start out."

"You and I have our reverse passing down to a science," she reminded me. "None of the other teams use it so we have that going for us. If we can get our third chaser's aim to match ours, we'll be in a really good spot this year."

I considered this. "Y'know, I hadn't even thought of that, but you're right. If no other team uses it and all three of our chasers do, it'd be a surprise element we could really use to our benefit."

She nodded in agreement as we continued to throw tactics back and forth. I had always appreciated the fact that she was just as much a Quidditch fanatic as I was. We had loved going to matches when we were growing up and both of us learned how to fly at a young age on little toy brooms. We've been swapping Quidditch stats and chatting Quidditch maneuvers ever since. When we were younger, though it certainly has been some time, we used to dream of playing on the same team in the pros and becoming an unstoppable duo that not a single other team could surpass. I still liked to consider that dream from time to time but I think it was slightly unrealistic to believe we'd wind up on the same team.

Jax wandered in just a few minutes later with gold face-paint striped across his cheeks wearing a maroon T-shirt, bright yellow shorts, and maroon and gold striped knee-socks. My eyebrow quirked upward and he merely grinned as he straddled the bench opposite us. "Gryffindor spirit, mate."

"You might be taking it a bit too far."

He merely shrugged, brushing the hair out of his face with a stifled yawn. "I tried to get McGonagall to instate cheerleaders to our teams but she flat-out refused so it looks like I'll just have to be my own personal cheerleader."

I could only shake my head, knowing full well that Alice would happily chime in. " _You asked to instate cheerleaders_?"

"In tight uniforms," he said with a nod. "Hm, maybe that was her problem with my request."

"Yeah, because it can't quite possibly be your chauvinistic behavior."

"Nah, Minnie finds me charming."

"I can't imagine anyone finding you charming, Blockhead."

He merely grinned at us, bringing his arms behind his head and laying atop the bench.

When Sadie waltzed in, Alice and I were taking bets on how late Fred was going to be. Punctuality wasn't exactly his thing.

"You look ridiculous, Jackson," Sadie drawled, swiftly heading over to her locker.

"I have more face-paint in my locker if you're interested, Bishop."

"Blow me, Bloch."

"I would but it might ruin the dynamic of our team."

Ew. Need to rid myself of that mental image immediately.

"No one's blowing anyone or do none of you remember the Code?" I barked.

"Believe me, the Code is not the only thing stopping me from fooling around with the devil," Jax argued.

"The feeling is very mutual, Bloch," Sadie grunted.

The Quidditch Code (also nicknamed the Fritz Fallout) was something that the Hufflepuffs had come up eleven years ago when they lost in the finals because one of their beaters, a guy by the name of Orvis Fritzman, refused to send a bludger towards the Slytherin's seeker who he just so happened to be dating at the time. The very next year, the Hufflepuffs initiated a schoolwide Quidditch Code of Conduct that included a rule about not dating members of any of the opposing Quidditch teams. Slytherin had been on board but it hadn't gone over so well with the other two Houses at the time (because who wants to be told who they weren't allowed to date?) until another issue came up when a Gryffindor chaser and a Hufflepuff keeper were playing too nice with each other on the pitch in the very next year and the Code of Conduct suddenly became very necessary. Gryffindor had added to their own internal policies a few years later that not only were they not allowed to date opposing team members, they weren't allowed to date members of their own team as well.

I didn't particularly enjoy following rules but the Quidditch Code was something I lived by.

"Where the hell is that cousin of yours?" Sadie asked me once she was done swapping her sweatshirt with a jersey.

"How should I know?" I said with a shrug.

"Uh, because last I checked you lived with the guy."

Oh, right.

"I'm here, I'm here!"

We all turned towards the entrance as Fred rushed in with a sheepish grin. "I ran into Bryce Thompson—Jax, what the hell is up with your face, mate—in the Entrance Hall and she was wishing me good luck at tryouts and then Iris was scolding her because we're supposedly the enemy, which I guess is true since they're on the Hufflepuff team but when have Hufflepuff been all that great? So then-"

"I stopped caring the moment you started talking," I drawled.

Fred hesitated. "You might care when I tell you that Iris got hot over the summer."

Alice scowled and Sadie rolled her eyes. I simply said, "If Ryleigh catches wind of you showing interest in her teammate, she's gonna castrate you, man."

"You said that when I started flirting with Ryleigh in front of Kye and my man parts are still very much intact."

I wondered how long that would last.

"Here's a novel thought," Alice spoke up, "Why don't you go after girls who _aren't_ on the Hufflepuff Quidditch team, Fred?"

Fred shrugged. "And why would I do that? My motto is 'they're hot so why not?'"

Alice let out a groan filled with far too much irritation. "And my motto is _you're an idiot_."

"That motto can certainly be used for most of this team," Sadie muttered under her breath.

I glared at her and took that opportunity to pull myself off the bench to address the team.

"Alright, so here's how today is going to work," I spoke, "We start with flying drills to weed out the kiddies who can't fly for shit. From there, we'll start the keeper tryouts. Fred and I will take a group on one side of the pitch and Ace and Jax, you'll take another group. We'll each send them five quaffles and whoever saves the most will be moved into the next round of tryouts."

"And what the hell am I supposed to do?" Sadie scoffed.

"I'd say stay out of my way and keep your mouth shut but I think we all know that'll never happen," I drawled. "So just keep an eye on our keeper prospects to start with. Eventually, I'll probably have you tossing quaffles at them, too, so I can get a good look at everyone. But I need my best chasers against the prospects and that includes me."

"And how will you fly around with that fat head of yours?" she muttered.

"And we officially have a winner of who-will-be-the-first-team-member-to-get-laps-at-our-first-practice," I countered, flashing her a grin.

"Was that ever really a contest?" Jax mused. "I mean, I'm pretty sure we all knew Sadie would be the first to mouth off."

" _Blow me, Jackson_."

"And now I'm getting a strong sense of deja-vu," he contemplated.

I shut them both up by continuing. "After narrowing it down, we'll put our top keeper prospects on the hoops and we will give all chaser prospects five quaffles to score. From there, it's just figuring out who's going to be the best fit for our team. Any questions?"

"Yeah, when do I get to start pelting the kiddies with bludgers?" Fred smirked.

"Is that all you care about?" I groaned.

"Uh, yes. That's kinda my job or do I need to teach you how the role of beater works."

I shot him a look, ignoring the goofy grin on his face. "And it looks like we have a winner of who-will-be-the- _second_ -team-member-to-get-laps-at-our-first-practice."

Fred shrugged. "Yeah, okay, that's great and all, but you never answered my question."

I rolled my eyes. "You can start hitting bludgers when I tell you to."

He grinned. "Right on."

"Now let's get out there and find the teammates who are going to win us that Cup, shall we?"

 **XOXOXOXO**

* * *

It was a larger crowd than I had anticipated. I made sure to keep the confident smile on my face even though my actual confidence was slightly wavering. The stands were full of hopeful spectators and I did a quick sweep to make sure none of the other House team members were out there. We had all long agreed that spying was a tactic better left for the weak, so while crashing other tryouts had its appeal, we all instead chose to keep our distance.

I tore my eyes off the stands and made my way over to the crowd of students in various workout clothing. I estimated that there were at least thirty students there, which surprised me because I didn't even think Gryffindor had thirty kids that cared that much about Quidditch.

Taking a quick glance around the group, my eyes immediately grew with irritation when I noticed my sister amidst the bunch. "No! No, no, _no_. NO WAY. Get that skinny little arse of yours off my pitch, Lils!"

" _Don't call me that_."

"I love you, kid, and you're a decent keeper, but I cannot keep an eye on you while trying to play my own game so go join your friends in the stands because it ain't never going to happen."

" _Keep an eye on me_?" she growled. "I'm not five anymore!"

"You're still my little sister who will be distracting me through every game so I say once again: _get off my pitch_."

I was expecting to be on the receiving end of a temper-filled rant that I swear only redheads were privy to, so imagine my shock when she burst out into laughter.

I glanced towards Fred who shrugged and then I glanced towards Alice whose eyebrows were digging into her forehead. "Any idea why my sister has gone to loonytown?" I sighed.

"She's your sister," Fred said with a shrug.

"I'm not trying out for your team, James," Lily said in between laughs. "I'm only here cheering on CJ but oh man, I so love messing with you."

I blinked. "Come again?"

She bounced over to me and pressed a kiss to my cheek. "Good luck today," she said with a wink before heading over to the stands to join Hugo and Rayne.

Hesitating, I called out after her. "Hold up, why are you cheering on CJ?" I scowled. I turned towards the boy in front of me with narrowed eyes. "Don't go getting any ideas about my sister, Colton Jack-o-lantern Wood, y'hear me?"

He blinked. "That's not my middle name."

"Really? It kinda has a nice ring to it."

"What _does_ the J stand for?" Fred asked from behind me.

CJ shrugged, glancing up at me hesitantly. "James."

I did a double-take, my eyebrow popping up. "Really? Damn, just when I was content on hating you," I sighed. "Your parents have good taste in names, kid."

"We are in the middle of tryouts and you're seriously dissecting someone's middle name?" Alice muttered as she appeared by my side.

"We aren't in the middle of tryouts," I defended. "They haven't started yet."

"Well, would you like to start them or did you want to continue examining middle names? We can talk about how mine is Catherine, hence the nickname AliCat. Or we can talk about how Fred has his grandfather's name for a middle name. Or how Jax's parents didn't give him one. Or-"

"Okay, that's enough lip out of you," I chuckled, turning back around to face the candidates who all appeared to be waiting impatiently for me to start the tryouts. I was about to head over to the group when my eye caught on four girls wearing blue jerseys. "Why the hell are those four wearing Ravenclaw jerseys?" I muttered.

"Probably because they're Ravenclaws," Alice drawled.

I turned to her. "What?" Blinking, I glanced towards the four girls. "What the hell are Ravenclaws doing on my pitch?"

"If I were to venture a guess, I'd say they're here to swoon over the hunky Captain," she smirked.

I made a face and then thought better of it. "Well, can't say I blame them. The Captain _is_ quite hunky."

" _Jay_ ," she groaned.

Chuckling, I turned towards the gathered students and called out, "Anyone who isn't a ruddy Gryffindor needs to get off my pitch right now!"

The four girls plus six others all reluctantly left the field.

And then the tryouts began.

The flying drills weeded out quite a few students who couldn't fly without there being some sort of wobble in their technique. I sent them off the pitch with a speech about how practicing will make perfect one day.

One day when I wasn't their Captain.

As keeper tryouts began, I found myself shamefully distracted by a familiar-looking skinny blonde with bright blue eyes who was in very tight lycra shorts and a white tank top that accentuated her very perky breasts. I couldn't recall her name off the top of my head, but her name at the moment didn't matter to me. I wasn't sure whether I was praying she'd be a decent keeper so I could stare at her all day at practice or if it was better for her to be shitty so that I could focus on the actual game.

I eventually went with the latter. I couldn't allow any distractions this year if I was going to claim that Cup.

"It should be unlawful for a bird to be that bloody hot."

I glanced over my shoulder as Fred came up behind me. "Focus on their _skills_ , Fred," I groaned.

He smirked. "Right, like you haven't been staring at her for the past five minutes?"

Busted.

"It was three minutes at most."

He laughed as he kicked off from the ground and soared into the air.

I sent the gorgeous blonde to the other side of the pitch to work with Alice and Jax. As much as I would have loved to look at her for a few more minutes, I needed to focus on finding myself a keeper.

The keeper choices Fred and I got stuck with couldn't even be described as mediocre. None of them could save the quaffle even if it had done somersaults in front of them. I was starting to feel very defeated as I flew to the center of the pitch to meet back up with Alice, Jax, and Sadie in hopes that they had better luck. It was the latter who spoke first.

"Cassiopeia is our keeper."

Who the hell was Cassiopeia?

"We haven't even finished keeper tryouts yet," I reminded her stubbornly.

"No, she's right," Jax interjected and Alice nodded in agreement. "She saved every single one of AliCat's shots except for one. She's a bloody beast."

Alice looked very annoyed, which I'd be, too, if some newbie saved nearly all my trick shots. "You didn't go easy on her, did you?" I questioned.

"Wish I could say that I did," she grunted bitterly. "How did the tryouts at your end go?"

"Awful," Sadie interjected on my behalf. "Spencer Crimmins saved one. _One_. And no one else caught any. It was embarrassing to watch."

"Do you have an off button?" I barked at her.

"Do you not agree with me?"

I really hated it when Sadie Bishop was right.

"Alright, let's get this Cassiopeia girl in the air so Fred and I get a chance to assess her talent," I said. "Which one is she?"

The immediate smirk on Fred's face told me right away exactly which one she was.

Fuck.

"Cassiopeia!" I called out to the gorgeous blonde. Glancing towards my teammates, I said, "Wait, what's her last name?"

As my teammates all shrugged, the blonde jogged over to me with a smile. "Yes, James?"

"Er…well first off, what's your last name?"

"Rollins."

"And what year are you?"

"Does that matter?" she shot back.

She was hot _and_ cheeky. I was in trouble.

"No, but I'd still like to know," I said with a pointed eyebrow.

She only shrugged. "Fifth year."

"Alright, fifth-year Cassiopeia Rollins," I said before hesitating. "Any chance you got a nickname or something? No offense but Cassiopeia is a mouthful."

Alice groaned behind me. "You have no tact, Jay."

Cassiopeia simply threw her head back and laughed, her blonde ponytail bobbing behind her. "You can blame my parents for my name," she chuckled. "I usually just go by Cass."

Works for me. "Alright, Cass, you mind if I stick you up on the hoops while we do our chaser tryouts?"

Her eyes lit up. "No, please, I'd love to."

Good answer, kid.

"Go on then," I said, nodding towards the far end of the pitch. She grinned and kicked off and the rest of us soon followed.

It took only five minutes for me to realize that Sadie, Alice, and Jax were right about Cassiopeia Rollins.

 _She was a beast_.

"Where the hell has she been hiding all this time?" I spoke to no one in particular with a low whistle.

Alice answered anyway. "Your cousin was the keeper on the team since our second year. When would we have ever seen Cass play?"

"Oy, what did I tell you earlier about that whole logic thing?"

There appeared to be several halfway decent chaser prospects though none that stood out against the rest. It was slightly disheartening but I noted that there were a few that I could eventually see star quality coming from after a good amount of practice, one of which happened to be CJ Wood. I had really wanted to hate that guy.

The rather unfortunate part of the chaser tryouts was that none of the twenty students who were trying out could score against Cass. She was quick and nimble and I was falling more and more in love with her by the second.

Not because she was beautiful or cheeky but because holy hippogriff, she was going to help us get that Cup.

Only problem was, I also needed a chaser who could actually score and none of them were meeting that qualification.

I considered showing them how it was done but I reminded myself that Alice could only score once against her and the idea that I could be shown up at my own tryouts had me nixing that idea very quickly.

Not that that would have happened. I would have scored. Every time. But these tryouts weren't about me so I opted out.

An hour went by and not a single chaser prospect had scored against her. I had chipped away at the prospect pool until only five were left, all of which I felt fairly confident in being able to train. I told Cass to take a break and Alice and I spent the next half hour flying around and passing the quaffle with the five remaining contenders while Fred and Jax tossed a bludger through the air to see how they may fit in with Alice and myself and how they handled the pressure of a bludger. From there, I cut two more until only three were remaining.

"You leaning towards any of them in particular?" I asked Alice while we took a quick water break.

She glanced over at the three final candidates – fifth-year Rebecca Finley, third-year Dallas Hopkins, and yes, unfortunately, fourth-year CJ Wood.

"Dallas is quick," she dissected, "But he doesn't have his placement down. Becca's aim is so precise it's enticing but she's easily distracted and her focus is all over the place. She is spending far too much time making googly-eyes with you and every other male around."

I grinned. "You saw that, did you?"

She shot me a look and I quickly shut up. "CJ already takes direction well. You told him to loosen his grip to help with his speed and he fixed it immediately. That shows he's trainable. He could be really good."

When she said nothing more, I let out a frustrated grunt. "So what you're saying is no, you weren't leaning towards any of them in particular," I groaned.

She chuckled sheepishly. "You're the Captain. You choose."

"I don't know which one to choose!" I whined.

My pending freakout was stopped short by Fred who came up behind us with a sigh. "Any chance you'll be wrapping this up before nightfall?"

I glared at him. "What, got some hot date with some newbie on the Hufflepuff team?"

"There are no newbies. Their team is full."

I rolled my eyes. "Not really my point," I grumbled, glancing back over at the three prospects who all happened to be chatting amicably with each other. I found that annoying. If one of them could just be a total prat of a human being, I could send them packing and focus on the other two. We already had Sadie on the team to give us a hard time. I didn't need anyone else.

Sighing reluctantly, I glanced back over at Alice. "Let's go back to the idea of only having two chasers on the team. I mean, did we ever really turn that down?"

She glared at me.

"I'll take that as a 'piss off,'" I said with a sheepish grin. Shrugging, I swung my broom over my shoulder and headed back towards the three chaser contenders.

"Alright, here's what I'm going to do," I said, my voice loud enough to let my team behind me in on my plan as well. "First one to score a goal against Cass will claim our open chaser position. You all up for the challenge?"

I assumed by their mischievous grins that they were in.

"My money's on the brunette," Fred was saying behind me.

"She has a name y'know," Alice groaned.

"I'll learn it if she makes the team."

"You're only betting on her because she's hot."

"She's not that hot," he argued. "A little too short and her eyes are really close together. She could also opt for some lipstick against that pale skin of hers."

" _Lipstick_?" Alice muttered. "She's practicing Quidditch, not going on a bloody date."

"The girl is decent, Freddo," Jax interjected. "But my vote is for Dallas. He is so bloody fast. It's fun to watch."

"That girl _has a name_ ," Alice groaned.

She went ignored. "Yeah, and Dallas missed his last shot by three feet," Sadie chimed in, vigorously shaking her head. "It's going to be CJ. He has the best technique and has the best focus out of any of them. Watch him monitor the beaters' placement while also keeping an eye on the hoop. he could be really good."

"Nope, I still say the brunette gets the spot," Fred argued.

"Rebecca," Alice groaned. "Her name is Rebecca."

" _But watch Dallas go!"_ Jax spoke gleefully. " _He's a blur in the sky_!"

"Oy!" I said, finally turning around to glare at them. "Any chance you four could stop placing bets on the contenders and pay attention to their actual skillset?"

"Ooh, we _should_ place actual bets!" Fred spoke eagerly.

I glared at him.

"Er…skillset. Right. Got it."

Alice came up beside me then, a small smile on her face. "Not jumping into the gambling pool, hm? That's got to be a first for you."

Oh, shit, did that mean I was growing up?

"Y'know, if I were Cass," I said, changing the subject, "I would let the person I'd want on the team with me just score against me."

Alice snorted. "No, you wouldn't. You like showing off too much."

Yeah, that was probably true.

Another twenty minutes later, I was beginning to wonder if my master plan was going to wind up a total failure when the most wonderful thing happened.

 _A chaser scored._

The not so wonderful thing was that it was CJ Wood.

As the rest of my team kicked off to go congratulate the now man of the hour, all I could do was groan.

 **XOXOXOXO**

* * *

I congratulated Cass and CJ and told the entire team that they were to meet at the Clock Tower at eight o'clock tonight for our very first official team meeting. Sadie naturally complained, Fred asked me how long it would go, and Alice told both of them to shut up.

A very good start if I do say so myself.

I had gone to the kitchens and visited with the house elves for a while, happily collecting a plate of goodies to bring my fellow teammates. Bribing them with brownies and cookies seemed to be the only way to get them to show up to these meetings.

I settled into the Clock Tower twenty minutes before eight and waited for the others to join. Naturally, Alice showed up first and joined me on the floor.

"We did good today," she said, nudging me with her shoulder.

I nodded. "I hope so."

"I know so," she urged. "Cass is going to be our secret weapon. And we'll get Wood to where he needs to be by our first game. He's no Chastity but he appears to be a quick learner so that's a real plus. We'll start off with basic drills and work our way up. I have feeling we'll be able to start honing in on some of our trick moves with him before the first match."

"You really think so?"

She nodded. "You are worried about the big picture, that elusive final, but try just to focus on the 'right now' because I think we could have a really great team this year," she argued. "We have two months to get CJ up to speed on the ins and the outs you and I have perfected over the years. You may not think that's a lot of time, but I know it is."

I smiled. "This is why I keep you around. To build me up when I need it most."

"Gee, and all this time, I thought you kept me around for strictly arm candy."

I shrugged. "Oh, well yeah, that too."

She smacked me in the arm and we both laughed.

Jax walked in next and I was happy to see that the face-paint had been removed. Seconds after he arrived, Hugo and CJ wandered through the door.

"So why are we meeting up here?" CJ questioned, reaching for a cookie and dropping to the floor.

"Privacy," I responded with a shrug. "Gryffindor team meetings have been up here for ten years now. Used to be in the clubhouse but you're leaving yourself susceptible to being overheard by other teams."

He nodded in understanding just as Cass walked through the door. I pretended not to notice how tight her black T-shirt was. I definitely pretended not to notice when she bent over to grab a brownie and gave me a very nice view of the top of her breasts.

I could feel Alice's disapproving eyes on me the whole time.

Alice only tore her eyes off of me to have an argument with Jax over who would arrive next.

"Sadie," Jax said firmly. "Fred's always late."

"But Fred never gives up a chance to wolf down chocolate," Alice spoke.

"He can still do that and show up late."

"I'm telling you, he'll be here before Sadie."

"Five sickles?"

"You're on."

Alice grinned triumphantly when Fred's voice rang out. "There better be brownies here, Potter!"

He clamored up the stairwell and appeared seconds later, his eyes lighting up at the platter of baked goods on the floor. "Alright!" he grinned, immediately reaching for a brownie. He hesitated before grabbing another.

Fred was clearly very easy to please.

Jax tossed five sickles towards Alice and then said, "Bets on if Bishop even shows up?"

"She'll show up if she wants to keep her spot on the team," I responded with a shrug.

"You spent one whole month grumbling about having to fill two open positions on the team," Alice chimed in from my side. "And now you want to force open another position?"

" _What have I told you about using logic, Ace_?"

Sadie did eventually show up though it was 8:10 by the time she strolled through.

"Gee, so nice of you to join us," I drawled, glaring at her.

She glared right back. "You're just going to go on and on about that bloody Code, a speech I've heard for the past two years already."

"Not by me."

She rolled her eyes (girls seemed to do that a lot around me) and sat crosslegged on the ground with an already bored look on her face. "I'm here, aren't I?"

I suppose it would have to do.

"Thanks for coming everyone," I said to the group in general.

"Gee, did we have a choice?"

I'll give you exactly one guess as to who said that.

Ignoring Sadie outright, I said, "First practice is on Monday at six in the morning. Yes, I said 'in the morning' and anyone who complains about the early hour will be forced to wake up a half hour early for the next practice to run laps."

"I bet you two are now wondering why you joined this team," Jax murmured, raising an eyebrow at the newbies.

"Was that a complaint?" I smirked.

"Nope, just a mere comment, Cappy," he teased.

I let it go for now. "I'm going to warn you all right now that I don't give a shit about what's going on in your personal lives. I don't care if you have a mountain of homework you're worried you won't finish. I don't-"

"I'm surprised you even know the meaning of the word homework," Fred smirked.

"-care if you're having daddy or mommy issues or you're fighting with your siblings. Wait, do either of you have siblings at this school?" I said, glancing towards Cass and CJ.

They both shook their head.

Phew.

"Do either of you have siblings outside this school that still somehow know how to push your buttons?" I added for good measure.

"Er…I have an older brother," CJ said hesitantly, "But he doesn't rile me up."

Oh, right, Sheldon Wood, the infamous announcer who got banned from the position after making derogatory comments towards an ex-girlfriend of his and a chaser on the Hufflepuff team. "Make sure it stays that way," I urged. "You, Cass?"

"My Dad and I don't speak since he up and left our family a few years ago. And I have a new baby sister from my Mum and my asshat of a stepfather. I'm pretty sure they've forgotten about me now that they have a brand new perfect little family."

I stared at her. "That sounds an awful lot like those issues I'm not supposed to give a shit about."

She smirked. "Good thing I'm joking then. I get along great with my parents and my younger brother, Kip."

Hot, cheeky, and full of wit. I'm pretty sure she's the perfect woman.

As the rest of the group burst into laughter, I started to roll my eyes but stopped hesitantly. "Wait, Kip Rollins?"

"Gee, nothing gets by you," she said.

And there's more of that delectable cheek.

"Well, I'll be," I said with a chuckle. "I coached Kip over the-"

"Summer at Quidditch Camp," she finished with a nod. "I know. He's your biggest fan. Talked about you all summer as if you were some sort of god or something."

I kinda liked the idea of having adoring fans. Granted, I preferred them to be a little bit older and of the female persuasion but a fan was a fan nonetheless.

"Great, like Jay didn't already have a big head," Alice sighed, a chuckle escaping her lips.

"Tell him I said hi, won't you?" I said to Cass.

She nodded. "He's going to die when I tell him I'm on your team," she pointed out.

"Now, now, let's not go killing off the future Quidditch players of America," I teased.

"That might be stretching it a bit, mate," Fred murmured. "If you recall, the kid isn't too fond of heights."

"Good thing he has four years to get over that," I chuckled.

"As stimulating as this conversation is," Sadie chimed in with an overdramatic yawn, "Can we get back to the real reason we're here?"

"Assigning you more laps than you know how to deal with?" I shot back with a smirk.

"For reminding the Captain he's getting way off-topic?" she drawled. "Talk about abuse of power."

"When you get the badge, you can do what you see fit. Meanwhile, I'll do as I please," I spoke coolly.

All she did was roll her eyes so I took her silence to mean she'd comply for now.

"Okay, moving on," I said with a smile towards the other team members who weren't currently pissing me off.

Yet.

"My favorite part about our current team members is that we are all single," I continued. "And do you know why that's my favorite part?"

A few seconds lagged on before CJ chimed in. "I'm assuming it's because significant others typically mean drama."

"Ding, ding, ding, we have a winner," I smirked. "So please tell me that neither of you are in relationships."

He shook his head and so did Cass.

"Good," I responded.

"So let me get this straight," Cass spoke up curiously, "You're telling us that we're not allowed to date."

"No, I'm not saying that," I argued, "I'm just saying I like it better when you don't."

She looked like she wanted to throw a brownie at my head when Alice interjected. "In case you're wondering, Cass, yes, he really is this much of an arrogant arsehole all the time."

"Oy, let them make their mind up about me all on their own," I groaned.

"Believe me when I say that it wouldn't have taken long for us to come to that conclusion," Cass said with a teasing smirk.

"I feel like I should make you run laps for that comment," I considered.

"For the love of Morganna, can we please move on with this ridiculous speech of yours so that we're not all stuck here until two in the bloody morning?" Sadie sighed.

As much as I hated doing anything Sadie asked me to do, I obliged. "I may be your Captain and therefore, I'm ultimately in charge of this team and its outcome, but even I'm not dumb enough to think I can do this all on my own. We have always prided ourselves on being able to work flawlessly together as one cohesive team. Other teams think that the teams are made up of four categories – chasers, beaters, keeper, and seeker – but in my mind, there's just one category. One team. One Cup to win. So any issues we may have with one another off the pitch gets left at the gate the moment you step on to that field."

"Hm, wonder who he's referring to with that one," Jax snorted, glancing over at Sadie's direction.

She flipped him off and I continued. "I don't want this to be a rebuilding year. Just because we had to fill two substantial positions doesn't mean we can hand off the win to Hufflepuff who didn't have to replace anyone or to Slytherin who only has one position to fill and is coming off a win from last year or to Ravenclaw who is always gunning for us. I want that Cup. And I want all of you to want it just as much as I do. If you don't, if you're only here to build your resume or because you think it'll be fun, go ahead and leave right now."

"For the record, we still know how to have fun," Alice sighed, shooting me a look.

"We can have fun and win at the same time," I countered. "And now on to my favorite part of the kick-off meeting."

The five pre-existing members of the team chimed in with me. "The Quidditch Code."

I ignored Sadie's eye roll.

"We know about the Code," Cass pointed out. "Everyone knows about the Code."

"Ah, you think you know but there is so much more to it than you may realize," I said, clasping my hands together eagerly.

"There really isn't," Sadie muttered.

I shot her a look. "The Quidditch Code of Conduct, also referred to as the Fritz Fallout, was created many moons ago because a Hufflepuff boy by the name of Orvis Fritzman decided to go and fall for a Slytherin. Bloody imbecile if you ask me."

Every single girl in the room rolled their eyes.

"Other rules have been added over the years to make the Code what it is today. First and foremost, though this is more of a school rule than a Quidditch Code rule even though the bloody Ravenclaws felt it necessary to add years ago, you've got to maintain a passing average to stay on the team. So study hard enough to keep up those As," I said. Hesitating, I added, "But just so we're clear, Quidditch definitely comes before schoolwork."

"That is the most contradictory statement on the face of the planet," Alice groaned.

I shrugged. "Moving on to rule two, _no one misses a practice_. The only excuse I'll accept for missing practice is death. Or near death. But if you've got a cough, suck it up. And if I ever hear any of you missing practice to finish some stupid essay or study for a quiz, I'll hunt you down and shove a snitch—no, a quaffle down your throat."

"At least it won't be a bludger," Fred said cheerfully.

"Like _you'd_ ever actually miss practice for schoolwork," Alice shot back.

"And I don't want a note from Clearwater regarding whatever illness you might fall susceptible to. I want Clearwater on my damned pitch literally telling me face-to-face that you're not there because you are on your deathbed literally hanging on for dear life. Y'got that?"

"Right, because Madam Clearwater doesn't have better things to do than to share her concerns about a student with some Quidditch Captain," Alice groaned.

"Next," I continued, ignoring her quibble, "You now represent the prestigious Gryffindor Quidditch team both on and off the pitch. _You will not make us look bad_."

"Yeah, that's what we already have James for," Alice teased.

"Must you insert a comment on everything?" I sighed. "I am not asking any of you to hole yourselves up in your room all day long and act like perfect angels. We're Gryffindors and we therefore pride on partying our arses off. But party respectably, y'got that? No stripping in the common room or dancing on bartops or swinging from the chandeliers or getting into bar fights or generally making fools of yourselves. We're also not supposed to be shoved into detention too much but I'd be a bad Captain if I made you suckers follow that rule when I've been known to sidestep it. Just don't get stuck in detention for irresponsible misconduct, alright?"

Alice opened her mouth to most likely to mock me further but I shut her up with a glare.

"Be respectful to each other. We may taunt and tease each other but this is a respected organization that prides itself on team unity."

"That doesn't apply to other teams, does it?" Fred interjected with a smirk.

I had a feeling he was thinking about Brooks Pruitt.

"Hell to the no," I responded. "Feel free to beat Pruitt to a bloody pulp all you want."

"Aaand there goes the respected organization," Sadie muttered.

I decided to ignore her.

"Last but certainly not least because this is the most important rule there is," I spoke, sitting up straighter and making it a point to look at each of my team members in the eye. "No team member shall date a member or a reserve from any another Quidditch team in the school. No exceptions."

"Says the guy shagging Hattie Wilkes in every nook and cranny of this school," Fred teased.

"This coming from the guy who has now shagged nearly half of the Hufflepuff team," Jax shot back.

"Snog and flirt and shag whoever the hell you want," I said with a shrug. "But never call them your boyfriend or your girlfriend. That just leads to messy drama that no Quidditch team wants to deal with."

Reluctant shrugs followed so I continued. "Furthermore, about ten years ago, Gryffindor amended their own internal Code of Conduct to include a rule forbidding any type of sexual relationship, either casual or legitimate dating, to occur between Gryffindor teammates. That includes reserves, Hugo. You're either going to be too soft during a match because you're worried about someone else or a break-up will occur and then you're going to be out for blood. And frankly, one of the things Gryffindor prides themselves on is our immaculate teamwork and unity. So don't you dare think about dating or snogging or shagging anyone on this damned team, y'got that?"

More shrugs and nods.

"Why isn't that a general Code rule?" Cass questioned. "Why are only relationships with other Quidditch team members outlawed?"

"The Code was solely founded to unify the entire organization but individual teams already had some of their own policies built," I said as a shrug. "Other teams amend their internal Code as they see fit like we did. Ravenclaws aren't allowed to get below an E average. Hufflepuffs aren't allowed to drink the night before a match. Slytherins are only allowed two detentions per month."

"And Hufflepuffs amended the dating rule to include no inner-team relationships either," Fred commented.

Of course he knew that.

"How is that difficult for them when they're all females?" Hugo chuckled.

"Lionel Swanson isn't female," I pointed out, referring to one of their beaters.

"Oh, yeah. I often forget about him," he said with a sheepish grin.

"Easy to do with a team of all babes," Fred interjected.

"You're a pig, Weasley," Sadie snapped.

"We're getting off-track," I spoke, holding up my hand. "All you gotta know is that there is absolutely no dating allowed of any kind when it comes to a player or reserve on any of the Quidditch teams. Period. I'd ask if there are any questions but I'm pretty sure I've gotten my point across."

Glancing around the room as they all nodded, a new rule formulated in my head and I quickly added, "And just for good measure, none of you are allowed to date the siblings of a team member either, y'hear me, Wood?"

He blinked in surprise but it was Alice who spoke. "Well, damn, there goes my secret desire to date Albus."

I shuddered. "Yeah, you're never allowed to joke about that."

"Does that mean I'm not allowed to be into Rose or Roxanne?" Jax teased.

"Oy, you stay away from my sister, Blockhead!" Fred scolded as Hugo's eyebrow popped up in amusement.

"Don't tell me you're interested in my sister," Hugo probed.

Jax rolled his eyes. "No offense, kid, but that sister of yours is a scary little devil."

Hugo's eyes narrowed. "Aren't you friends with her?"

"Sorta. Maybe. I don't know. Probably not."

"Oh, what, she's not good enough for you now?" Hugo huffed.

"I didn't say that!" Jax groaned.

"Do you see what you've started, Jay?" Alice sighed, looking at me with a knowing look. "You can't tell someone not to date team members' siblings."

"Sure I can. I just did, didn't I?"

Alice rolled her eyes, turning towards CJ and saying, "Date Lily all you want, Wood. Don't let this prat stop you."

"Traitor!" I cried out.

"I'm not dating Lily," CJ argued.

" _Good boy, Colton Jellybean_."

"That's not my middle name," he groaned.

"You _can_ date her, Wood," Alice spoke up again. "If you wanted to."

"HE MOST CERTAINLY CANNOT."

I was not even slightly surprised when Alice's heel rammed into my shin.

"So what happens if we break the Code?" Cass asked.

" _Why are you already thinking about breaking the Code_?"

Alice kicked me again.

"I'm not," Cass sighed, shaking her head. "I'm just curious what the consequences are."

"Depends which rule is broken," I said with a shrug. "If your grades slip, you're benched until you can bring them up again. If you do something stupid and you make us and the school look bad, our Head of Household will insist you are benched for a game."

"Like we couldn't sweettalk Longbottom into looking the other way," Jax snorted.

Alice shot him a dirty look. "Chastity was benched two years ago for streaking through the hallways on Halloween."

Jax grinned. "I know. I just wanted to remind everything of the time Chastity streaked through the hallways."

Alice threw a cookie at his head.

"If you blatantly disrespect a member of this team and it's a serious enough infraction, you're benched," I continued. "If you miss practice, I will yell at you until tears are running down your face. And then you're benched."

"So by 'depends which rule is broken,'" CJ said with a shake of the head, "You really meant, we're benched."

I grinned. "Ah, you haven't heard the best part yet, Wood. Because if I find out you're dating someone on our team or on another team, you'll not only be benched until you are no longer dating said team member, you will also be forced to participate in what we all like to refer to as 'Humiliation Domination.'"

"Yeah, no one else calls it that but you," Alice murmured.

"What is it?" Cass questioned.

"Something stupid," Sadie muttered.

"Something epic," I said, sending the seeker a scathing look. "It's where all the members and reserves of each Quidditch team assemble into a circle in the middle of the pitch at midnight on the day of the full moon and the two offenders stand in the middle of said circle while every other person roasts them for exactly one hour."

"Roasts them?" CJ spoke. "Exactly what does that mean?"

"Exactly how it sounds," Fred chimed in with a shrug. "We dig up all the dirt on the new couple and we lay it all out on the line for everyone to judge. And everyone has to participate or you're stuck doing laps until the sun comes up."

"A whole hour of laps?" CJ said, shocked.

Fred nodded. "That's right. So digging up dirt becomes necessary. And nothing is off-limits. Embarrassing stories. Family issues. Past relationships. Former betrayals. Anything and everything to shame them and make them cry as everything inside of them burns with hatred for themselves and for the world around them and they either break up with each other or they quit the team due to their newfound emotional instability."

Silence filled the Clock Tower until Cass finally spoke up. "Does that actually work?"

"I am so glad you asked, Rollins," I responded gleefully. "It was a chilly night in December. The air was crisp and the pitch lightly dusted in snow."

"Oh, you just had to ask, didn't you," Sadie sighed.

"The moon shone bright, illuminating a circle of smirking students out on the Quidditch pitch. I myself was there, an innocent fourth year."

"Right, like you've ever been innocent," Alice snorted.

"And in the middle of that circle were two seventh years, ones who had such a bright future ahead of them. What they didn't know at the time was that those futures would die that very night."

"And now we've hit the overdramatic part of the story," Jax sighed.

"Because it wasn't overdramatic to begin with?" Alice pointed out.

"Those two seventh years were Deandra Belleview, a damned fine seeker on the Ravenclaw team, and Wilber Beck from Hufflepuff, one of the best chasers this school has ever seen. Until I came along of course."

"You can add 'arrogant' to 'overdramatic,'" Fred snorted.

"These two had been caught mid-shag in a broom cupboard just one week earlier and their relationship was exposed. Er…amongst other things."

"Ew," Sadie muttered.

"So on that chilly night in December as the clock struck midnight, every single insecurity and humiliating moment and deep-seeded issue of the two were made public by the rest of us. Belleview's affair with a married man. Wilber's father's illegitimate daughter. Wilber's Daddy issues. Belleview's slutty relationship habits with nearly every guy in school. Two hours later, Wilber was bawling like a baby and thus earned the nickname Weeping Willie. He was never the same again. Deandra kept her head held high that night but she shut herself in her room for a week after that. Her grades slipped dramatically and even though the two of them broke up, she was still benched for poor academics. She quit the team right before their match against Slytherin. She had been well on her way to playing for a pro team after Hogwarts and now she works as a barista in some London café."

A heavy silence filled the Clock tower when my wonderful story-telling came to a close. Taking a quick glance around, I saw skepticism in Cass' eyes, surprise in CJ's, amusement in Alice's, boredom in Sadie's, a grimace in Jax's, awe in Hugo's, and Fred was too busy nibbling on a brownie to even notice I was done speaking.

"You're exaggerating," CJ eventually said.

"He's not unfortunately," Alice murmured with a slow shake of the head. She and Fred had been there on that fateful roast night as well. "So if you have any interest in any Quidditch team member, I'd suggest finding a way to get over it."

"And not by dating my sister!" I roared.

"And we're officially back on that now," she sighed.

"So, any questions about the Code?" I asked with a grin, folding my arms across the body.

When I was met with silence, I took that as a no.

"Our first match is against Ravenclaw on November 15th," I spoke. "Tryouts are tomorrow for their two open beater positions but I'd paint a badger on my face if they don't end up choosing the Scamander twins."

"Aha, I knew someone else was into face paint!" Jax said with a grin.

"Why are you so convinced the Scamanders will be their new beaters?" Cass asked.

"They may only be thirteen, but they're incredibly fast and unfortunately very strong. They were both reserves last year for a reason. And they have that whole twin thing going where they can read each other's reflexes and reactions without having to say anything," I explained with a mere shrug. "They'll be novices and we have two beaters who have been working together for the past two years so we'll thankfully have the slight edge. But at this point, I don't particularly care about their team. I care about ours. It'll take some time to get us to where we need to be but I have the utmost confidence in all of you."

"Who knew you knew how to say nice things?" Alice teased.

"Sounds like someone wants laps on Monday."

She grinned but was smart enough not to respond.

"Last point of business-"

"There's _more_?" Fred groaned.

I glared at him.

"I mean, oh goody, more chances to hear our handsome Captain speak."

"That's more like it," I smirked. "This last point of business can hardly be classified as business anyway."

Fred's eyes lit up. "Ooh, please tell me you're talking about the kickoff party."

I grinned. "I am indeed."

"Kickoff party?" Cass questioned.

Jax spoke up with a wicked grin. "It's tradition for the Quidditch teams to throw a party on the first free Friday after tryouts have come to a close. It's a way to get to know the new kids on the block."

"No, it's a way to get completely trashed and provide the rest of us with months worth of entertaining stories," Sadie snorted.

"Yeah, that's what I said," Jax teased.

She rolled her eyes and I swooped in. "Ravenclaw's tryouts are tomorrow morning. Slytherin is holding tryouts tomorrow evening. So the party kicks off at eight o'clock on the pitch this Friday. Make sure you wear maroon and gold."

The group looked around at each other, momentarily excited at the prospect of the upcoming party.

"So if that really was our last point of business, can we get the hell out of here now?" Sadie sighed.

I shot her a look. "Yes, you're dismissed."

She was the first out the door.

It was really too bad she was one hell of a seeker or I would have been glad to find a replacement.

 **XOXOXOXO**

* * *

 _Dear James,_

 _How goes your very first week of school? Better question, how goes your first week as Quidditch Captain? Is it everything you've dreamed of and more? I'm assuming you've held tryouts by now. How'd they go? Did you find decent replacements?_

 _Vic says hi and she misses you. Though I really just think she misses having a go-to babysitter. As much as she claims you are more trouble than any of us ever were at your age, she can't deny how good you are with Dora. Guess growing up with an abundance of siblings and cousins gave you some sense of responsibility. Who woulda thunk?_

 _Knowing you, you've already managed to land yourself in a detention a handful of times. I'd tell you to try and keep out of trouble but 1) that's what you have parents for and 2) you wouldn't do it anyway._

 _So I'll just leave you with this: make sure you enjoy every minute of your seventh year, James. You don't realize how wonderful Hogwarts really is until you've graduated and all you can do is live in memories. Enjoy your last year on the Quidditch team. Enjoy hanging out with your friends. Enjoy the parties. And yes, even enjoy your classes. You'll be missing all of it sooner than you think._

 _Say hi to your brother and sister for me._

 _Oh, who am I kidding. We both know you won't._

 _Lots of brotherly love,_

 _Teddy_

"Letter from home?"

I glanced up as Alice slid into breakfast the next day. "Would I be smiling if I was reading a letter from home?"

She chuckled. "So who's it from then?"

"Teddy," I said, folding the letter back up and pocketing it. "I'll write to him later. So you think the meeting went well last night?"

"I think you could have cut out the Code roasting dramatics," she teased, shoveling eggs on to her plate.

"Better to scare them now so they won't even consider looking at another Quidditch member. We can't afford to bench anyone. We only have one reserve."

"Yeah, and whose fault is that?" she snorted. "You refused to elect another after we lost Valerie last year."

"Only pansy teams load up on reserves," I was quick to retort. "I don't need a backup team when my original team is kick-ass."

"They're not meant to be a _backup team_ ," Alice argued. "It's a just-in-case in the event someone gets injured or is benched for disobeying club rules."

"Gryffindors fly through the pain," I said with the shake of my head. " _And no one will be breaking the bloody Code_."

Alice chuckled as she dug into her eggs. "Has anyone ever told you that you may take Quidditch too seriously?"

"Pretty much everyone I've ever met."

I flashed her a smile just as a body dropped on to the bench beside me. " _James Sirius Potter, what the hell is the matter with you_."

Glancing to my right, I smiled at my younger sister. "And a good morning to you, too, Lils. Would you like some eggs?"

"Don't call me that," she snapped. "And I just had a lovely conversation with CJ."

I scoffed. "He better not be spilling all of our Quidditch secrets to you."

"What Quidditch secrets?" Alice muttered. "We haven't even started the year yet."

Lily ignored Alice, her glare very much fixated on me. "Where do you get off telling him he's not allowed to date me?"

My eyes narrowed. " _You better not be dating him, Lily Luna Potter."_

"I'm not," she drawled, "But that doesn't give you the right to scare him off."

"Hm, I scare him?" I mused. "I'm kinda okay with that."

"It's not you he's scared of, he's scared of not being able to play," she contested. "He doesn't want to do anything to jeopardize his position on the team. But I have nothing to do with your bloody team!"

"Sure you do. You indirectly affect the general nature of the Captain's mood. That counts for something."

"James!"

"I stand by my decision," I argued with a mere shrug.

"IT'S NOT YOUR DECISION TO MAKE!" she shouted and I cringed at her sheer volume. "Good Godric, you are infuriating!"

"I put him on the damned team, didn't I?" I pointed out. "I could have easily chosen one of the other candidates."

"You said whoever could score against Cass would make the team. I would put a very heavy bet on the fact that you were hoping it wouldn't be CJ."

She knew me too well. I'm not sure I liked that.

"What exactly were you planning to accomplish here, Lils?" I sighed.

" _Stop calling me that_ ," she growled. "And go and tell CJ that he's free to date anyone he wants."

I pretended to weigh my options before shaking my head. "Hm, no, I don't think I'll do that."

" _James_."

" _Lils_."

She glared at me.

"I perfected the art of the Potter glare years ago, Lils. It's not going to change my mind."

"And I perfected blackmail years ago," she retaliated. "You really want to mess with me?"

Dammit. Lily Potter was a professional blackmailer. She was full of all kinds of under-the-table knowledge that had anyone doing anything for her should she ask.

"I'm afraid to find out what blackmail you may have on me," I muttered curiously.

She smirked. "It includes you and Valerie Cheney shagging under the Quidditch bleach-"

"YO, WOOD!" I shouted towards the end of the table. CJ glanced up at me hesitantly. "The rule about you not dating my sister is officially off the table though be warned, _I am watching you_."

I glanced towards my sister with a sheepish grin. "Happy?"

"I could have done without the last part," she drawled, "But I suppose it'll have to do. Nice doing business with you."

With a triumphant grin, she sped off towards the end of the table to join CJ, Rayne, and Hugo, the latter of which was doubled over in laughter.

"So," Alice said, clearing her throat from where she sat across from me, "You and Valerie Cheney?"

"Nope, Lily doesn't know what she's talking about," I said with a shake of the head.

"You caved pretty quickly for her not knowing what she was talking about."

Yeah, I was totally busted.

"You _do_ know that Valerie was a Gryffindor reserve, right?" she prodded with a smirk.

"I may not always pay attention in class, Ace, but I'd have to be a true idiot to not know that Valerie was a reserve."

Her smirk grew wider. "You totally broke the Gryffindor Code."

I hesitated. "It's only breaking the Code if you get caught."

"Evidently you did get caught."

I grimaced at the very thought of my sister walking in on me in a compromising position. "I wasn't exactly aware of that until now," I muttered bashfully.

All Alice did was laugh. "Your sister is a devious little thing, isn't she."

I sighed. "Devious doesn't even begin to describe her."

 **XOXOXOXO**

* * *

"I hate you."

That was Alice's greeting to me on Monday morning as she waltzed into the locker room stifling a yawn.

Glancing up from my playbook, I shook my head. "Not possible. I'm far too loveable to hate."

"Tell that to all the girls who've written not so nice things about you on the bathroom walls," she teased. She glanced over at Fred who was sprawled out on the floor face-down, his face currently buried under his arms. I had to resort to throwing water on him that morning to get him out of bed. He called me every name in the book before reluctantly tossing on his Quidditch gear and following me out of the room. He was now giving me the silent treatment, though I assumed that had more to do with his desire for some extra sleep than it had to do with actually ignoring me.

"Which girls?" I questioned.

"Let's just assume any girl you've shagged and ditched has joined in on the James-bashing," Alice smirked, pulling open her locker and glancing into the mirror to toss her hair up into a high ponytail.

I shrugged. Making girls angry was apparently one of my specialties, but they should all know by now that I was not the guy who was going to make all their happily-ever-after dreams come true. It was no secret that commitment wasn't my friend. I had made it clear ever since I became interested in girls that all they were going to get with me was a one-time snogfest or if they were really lucky, a shagfest. _One-time_. Well, maybe two times depending how good it was. Hattie Wilkes was the only one who had ever really made it past my two-time rule and that was only because she knew not to expect anything more.

"Ooh, why are we bashing James?"

I glanced towards the entrance as Hugo walked in looking rather cheerful for six o'clock on a Monday morning. Behind him was CJ who looked like he could have used a few more hours of sleep. I grinned at my younger cousin. "No one is bashing James," I spoke. "Unless you'd like to find yourself off the team."

Hugo shrugged as he dropped on to the bench beside Alice. "Hey, at least that way I could go after Cass," he smirked.

He had good taste. "No one is going after Cass!"

"Right, like you're not aware of how bloody gorgeous she is."

Gorgeous was a freaking understatement. "Feel free to leer at her all you want. Just don't think about touching her."

"This is a very disturbing conversation at six in the bloody morning," Alice muttered with the roll of her eyes.

Hugo laughed and I used that time to change the subject. "You're making sure Wood stays far away from that sister of mine, aren't you, Hue?"

He rolled his eyes. "Lily told me to tell you to bugger off if you so much as brought that up to me today."

Dammit, she _really_ knew me well. "That didn't answer my question."

"We're just friends," CJ muttered from the bench he was currently lying on, staring up at the ceiling as he stifled a yawn.

"Good. Keep it that way, Colton Jockstrap."

"Is there a reason you're intentionally misusing my middle name?" he questioned.

"Other than the fact that it's fun?" I teased.

The rest of the team showed up and I stood up in front of them with a warm smile. "Good morning, team!"

"It should be illegal to wake up before sunrise," Jax muttered, his head currently resting in Alice's lap.

"I'm pretty sure I warned you all against complaining about the early hour," I cautioned.

Jax hesitated. "That wasn't a complaint. Just a comment."

"And I noticed you didn't tell off AliCat for saying she hated you due to the early hour," Fred chimed in. He was now sitting upright on the floor after I poked him in the shoulder a handful of times.

"Who said I was referring to the early hour?" Alice shot back. "Maybe I just decided to wake up this morning and confess my overwhelming hatred for him."

"I'm surprised you haven't done that before now," Sadie drawled.

I sent her a glare. "How about we move off the hating-James train, shall we?"

"That'll be difficult," she muttered under her breath.

"That's it, Bishop. You're getting ten laps after practice today."

She only shrugged. She was used to running laps but I think she assumed it was worth it for her cheeky comments.

"As you all know, Ravenclaw and Slytherin had their tryouts yesterday. I have yet to weasel the information out of Al as to who claimed their seeker position, but-"

"Probably because you demanded it instead of asked politely," Alice snorted.

"When has James ever done anything _politely_?" Jax chimed in with a wicked grin.

"I'm sorry, I wasn't aware you two wanted to join Bishop on her laps today," I warned.

When they said nothing more, I continued. "I have been informed by a reliable source that the Scamander twins have been chosen as their two new beaters."

"So either Fred got it out of his sister or Hugo got it out of one of the twins," Alice mused.

"Roxy and I are currently on non-speaking terms with each other," Fred muttered.

"Already?" Jax said with a shake of the head. "That's got to be a new record for you."

"My insider prefect has informed me that my sister got caught after hours wandering the halls with Zig Keppler," he spoke through gritted teeth.

Sidenote: Zig had spent most of his Sunday in the hospital wing as Madam Clearwater attempted to remove the horn from his head without causing any permanent damage.

"You have an insider prefect?" Cass spoke up with a snicker.

"Of course. How else am I supposed to gather information on my family's rule-breaking?" he said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Who is this insider prefect?" Hugo questioned.

"Oh, no you don't," I interrupted with a swift shake of the head. "You're just going to go off and tell Rose about our co-conspirator and our skilled espionage would be blown."

Hugo only shrugged since we all knew he would do just that. He clearly hadn't gotten the overprotective genes like myself, Fred, and Louis did. How Rose got him in her pocket I'll never know. I wouldn't put it past her to pay him a fee anytime he tipped her off regarding our illicit affairs.

"And before any of you ask, it's not myself or Jax," Alice spoke.

I had been a bit peeved when Alice flat-out refused to use her prefect intel to spy for me and Fred. Fred was convinced Jax would be happy to do it but Jax knew firsthand what Rose's wrath was capable of and so he declined. The next option was Hattie who also refused on the basis that being my shagmate didn't mean I should expect special privileges from her. So Fred and I turned to Bristol Dickerson, a seventh-year Ravenclaw, who was good-looking enough to swap a decent snog now and again in exchange for family gossip.

"Why the hell are we wasting our practice time on stupid Peasley drama?" Sadie chimed in irritably.

Hm, she had a point. Unfortunately.

"Okay, so yes, Hugo spoke to Lorcan who confirmed they had been added to the team," I said. "Like I said, I had been pretty certain it was going to happen so this doesn't come as a surprise but at least now we have confirmation and we can start focusing our practice strategies on one-upping the Ravenclaw team. I've written out various plays on the chalkboard that Ravenclaw have used in the past few years that have proven useful to them. It's our job to prove to them that those plays will _not_ be useful to them. So let's get started, shall we?"

They responded with quiet groans.

I took that to mean they were ready.

And if they weren't, I'd make them ready.

Quidditch, here we come.

 **XOXOXOXO**

* * *

 **A/N:** Ah, I loved this chapter. I can't get enough of Quidditch apparently.

Up next: Kickoff party.


	5. Nothing Is Good Enough

**A/N:** Ah, so many kind words. Thank you for those who are reviewing. You keep me sane. Or at least as sane as I possibly could be.

* * *

 **WAY WITH WORDS**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 5: Nothing is Good Enough

" _Once upon a time is how it always goes  
But I'll make it brief  
What started out with such excitement  
Now I gladly end with relief  
In what now has become a familiar motif  
That nothing is good enough for people like you."  
_-Aimee Mann

* * *

My bedroom was unusually quiet that Friday evening. It was only Dash and me, though Parker Jessup's absence wasn't unappreciated by any means. I swear that guy had an actual stick up his butt.

"Shouldn't you be off shagging that girlfriend of yours?" I questioned, digging through my trunk for the various maroon shirts I had. I tossed a few mismatched socks towards my bed where Franny was currently scurrying about. She sank her teeth into one of the socks and began humming gleefully.

Dash glanced up from the essay he was writing. "Shouldn't you be off at that party of yours?"

"Starts at eight," I urged. "And you didn't answer my question."

Dash rolled his eyes. "We're not exactly speaking at the moment."

Grabbing my go-to Gryffindor T-shirt, I glanced over at Dash. "Uh-oh. What did you do now?"

"Why do you assume I did something?"

"I've learned over the years that it's always the guy's fault."

Het let out a rather derisive snort. "Because you're such an expert on relationships?"

"I'm an expert on girls."

His eyebrow slowly seeped into his forehead and I smirked. "Well, I'm an expert on charming them. That's got to count for something."

"Hm, yeah, no, it doesn't," he groaned.

I could only shrug, for he wasn't wrong, as the bedroom door opened. I glanced towards it, expecting it to be Fred but was sorely disappointed when it was stick-up-his-arse Parker.

"Oh, it's just you," I drawled before returning to my wardrobe choices.

"One of your nicer greetings," Parker spoke with the roll of his eyes, tossing his bag on to his desk and dropping on to his bed with a stifled yawn.

"It's still early in the year" was my response. "And where the hell is Fred?"

"How should we know?" Parker responded, even though I had mostly been talking to Dash.

I grunted, glancing over at Dash who only shrugged. "So what are you and Shayne fighting about anyway?" I asked.

"Remember last night when we decided to have a poker tournament until all hours of the night?"

I grinned. "Yes, I believe I stole most of your money."

He glared at me. "Yeah, well apparently earlier in the day when Shayne said 'we should do something tonight' she meant 'we're doing something tonight.' When I didn't bother to show up in the common room at any point, she took that to mean I blew her off."

I blinked. "But you didn't even make concrete plans."

"When I told her the very same thing, she threw a book at my head."

"You probably deserved it," chimed in Parker.

Dash and I both turned to glare at the prefect. "I'd believe that a lot more if you had any success with women," I drawled, "Which, for the record, _you don't_."

"I'd hardly call your blatant disrespect for women successful," Parker retaliated almost immediately.

I heard Dash wince behind me as my eyes narrowed into dangerous slits. "I respect women just fine, Jessup," I sneered. "And I'd suggest not saying another word on the matter if you value your life at all."

I was annoyed that all he did was chuckle. Once upon a time, my threats actually had Parker backing down. Now, he merely expected them. "Killing me would get you kicked off your precious Quidditch team and we all know you wouldn't do anything to jeopardize that."

Unfortunately, he made a very good point.

"Fine, so I won't kill you. Roughing you up a bit seems like a fair trade."

He only rolled his eyes and I was saved from having to listen to his usual conjectures when the door opened once again and Fred rushed in. "Sorry, sorry, sorry," he said, grabbing ahold of the doorframe to catch his breath. "Lost track of time. You ready to go?"

"You have to change, Fred," I urged, grabbing Franny off my bed and placing her back in her cage. I made a mental note to feed Parker's socks to her next time instead of mine. "You can't wear a ruddy blue sweater to this shindig or everyone will assume you're supporting Ravenclaw."

He grimaced. "Oh, right," he said with a shrug. He strolled over to his trunk and after just a few mere seconds, he grabbed a crimson T-shirt and a gold belt. He swapped his blue sweater for the T-shirt and looped the belt through his slacks before looking up at me. "Alright, I'm ready."

"Where are you two going?"

I shot Parker a dirty look without bothering to respond. Reaching for my wand, I stuck it in my back pocket and just for good measure, I tossled my hair a bit before heading towards the door.

"If you're back after curfew, you're getting points taken off," he spoke a little louder.

Ignoring him once again, I glanced over at Dash. "You might want to make up with that girlfriend of yours," I drawled. "Or else you'll be stuck with Jessup all night."

"You make an excellent point," Dash said cheerfully as he jumped off the bed and headed out the door with us.

I could have sworn I heard Parker say 'wankers' under his breath but as I was the one heading to a party while he was hanging out in his dorm room on a Friday night, I had to assume he was referring to himself.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"You're late," Alice said when Fred and I sidled up to the Head Dorm just after eight o'clock. She was standing outside the portrait with her arms crossed in white pants and a red and gold halter top.

"Blame Fred for that," I spoke. "Though don't bother asking him what he was doing for the past hour and a half because he's been surprisingly closed-lipped about it."

"You don't need to know all of my secrets," Fred huffed.

"Which basically means you were off with some girl you're too embarrassed to admit you were with," Alice smirked. She pushed herself off the wall and gestured down the hallway. The three of us started walking together.

Fred rolled his eyes. "That is some overreaching speculation you're doing there, AliCat."

"You say speculation. I say perception."

"And exactly what are you perceiving, Miss Longbottom?" Fred countered.

She smirked, turning towards him with twinkling eyes. "Nice hickey, Fred."

I roared with laughter as Fred's dark skin turned beat red. "Maybe those are from earlier today," he spoke, flustered.

"Maybe you're a liar," she teased, poking him in the ribs. "C'mon, out with it. Who were you with?"

Fred rolled his eyes. "A girl."

Both Alice and I laughed in unison. "Oh, well that narrows it down," Alice chuckled.

"And by you feeling the need to clarify that you were with a girl makes me think that there may have been times you've been fooling around with someone of the opposite gender," I added in jest.

Fred could only laugh. "Not that I'm against homosexuality in any way but that is incredibly laughable."

I shrugged. "Then tell us who the girl is."

He rolled his eyes. "You two can be incredibly insufferable. Are you aware of that?"

"Yes," Alice said.

"Of course," I agreed. "Now out with it or I'm telling everyone you fooled around with, gasp, a _non_ -Quidditch player."

He let out an overdramatic gasp. "You wouldn't dare!" he replied in mock outrage, which sparked a rather heavy eye roll from the only female of the group. Chuckling, he shrugged and said, "If you must know, I was down in dungeon number 6 with the delectable Ryleigh Carver."

Both Alice's eyebrows and mine shot up into our foreheads. "That can't possibly be right," Alice drawled. "You normally get bored of your latest girl after three days and it's been two weeks with her."

"Yeah, you're leading yourself into very dangerous territory, mate," I urged. "The Code is not something you should be messing with."

"Do I look like the relationship type, mate?"

"Not particularly but girls have long mastered the art of manipulation."

"I take offense to that," Alice chimed in.

"One minute you're shagging in a closet," I continued, ignoring Alice, "And the next minute, you're buying her flowers and making googly eyes across the table from her at Puddifoot's. _Don't get sucked in_."

Fred shuddered. "Like I'd ever be caught dead in that establishment."

I shrugged. "That's what Dash said three years ago. Now he has a running Puddifoot's date any time we have a Hogsmeade trip."

"Did it ever occur to you pinheads that some guys like venturing into Puddifoot's because making their girlfriend happy is worth all that fluffy pinkness?" Alice questioned as we descended the Entrance Hall stairwell.

Fred and I exchanged a look before bursting into laughter.

"You two are going to die very lonely bachelors," she sighed.

"Lonely?" I argued in between my laughs. "I won't ever be lonely. That's what I have you for."

"Gee, and here I thought you actually liked my company," she drawled.

"I do," I said, reaching over and draping my arm across her shoulder with a grin. "I wouldn't let just anyone join be by my deathbed."

"This conversation has suddenly turned very morbid," Fred interjected as he pushed open the wrought-iron doors and the crisp autumn breeze danced across our faces.

"Don't worry, you're allowed to join me by my deathbed, too," I teased, elbowing him in the ribs.

"Oh, sure, that makes it less morbid," he said with a sarcastic snort.

We chatted a little while longer until we wandered through the Quidditch pitch gates. Glancing up, I noticed that strings of lights had been hung up around the pitch which made me think that someone had actually realized that a party in the dark wasn't terribly ideal. I immediately took note of the two drink tables on opposite sides of the field, both of which that had a sign that said, "Must be at least fourteen to enjoy." I chuckled to myself. I recalled the very first time I took a sip or twenty of alcohol and that so happened to be at the Quidditch party in my third year.

"So what is our drink of choice tonight?" I questioned my two friends. "Gin? Whiskey? Rum? Mulled wine? Lager?"

"Halo-gin for me," Alice spoke.

"Lager," Fred responded.

With a curt nod, I broke off and headed towards the drink table. I said my obligatory hellos to passersby – sixth-year Ravenclaw chaser Ainsley Bennett, sixth-year Hufflepuff seeker Bryce Thompson, the Scamander twins – and was pouring myself a drink when I felt a presence behind me.

"Captain James Potter," a familiar voice spoke. "Has a nice ring to it, doesn't it."

I glanced to my right with a grin. "And the green grass grows all around, all around, and the green grass grows all around," I sang, winking at fifth-year Reese Greengrass.

She rolled her eyes. "You greet me the same way every time you see me. Doesn't it get old?"

"Never," I teased, nodding towards the drink table. "What are you having?"

"Firewhisky and cola," she urged and I went to pouring her a very strong drink.

"Any chance your cousin has tripped down a flight of stairs and won't be joining the festivities tonight?" I asked.

Reese rolled her eyes. "Sometimes I can't tell if your rivalry with your brother or with Scorpius is stronger."

"I'd say it was a tie," I smirked, handing the drink to her.

Taking a sip, she grimaced. "Gee, did you put any cola in here?"

"Not much," I laughed, sipping on my own cola and rum. "How was your summer, Baby Girl?"

"We've been back at Hogwarts for two weeks now and you're just asking me about my summer?" she drawled.

I shrugged. "Haven't seen you at all over the past two weeks. Have you been hiding from me?"

"Oh, yes, I go out of my way to ensure I do not cross paths with you every chance I get."

I considered this before shaking my head. "Nah, that can't be true, you totally love me."

"I totally tolerate you."

"It's definitely love."

"You're definitely a prat."

Grinning, I took a sip of my drink and changed the subject. "So tell me, Baby Girl, how is my dear ol' brother doing as Captain?"

"I'm not giving you insider information."

"Then what was the point of me befriending you all those years ago?" I groaned, earning a rightful punch to the arm. I had been planning on hating Reese just as much as I hated my brother and Scorpius for the sole reason that she was related to Scorpius Malfoy, but her witty retorts and unflappable attitude had me actually enjoying her company. At some point over the years, we had seemed to develop an actual friendship.

"I'm pretty sure you only befriended me because you knew it would piss off Scorpius," she teased.

"No, that was merely an added bonus," I argued. Glancing over her shoulder I groaned. "Speak of the devil."

"Potter," he greeted jadedly, his arms folded across his body. "I'd say it's nice to see you again but we both know that'd be a lie."

"Go away, Malfoy," I insisted. "I was having a perfectly lovely conversation with your cousin here before you butted in."

"Oh, you mean the only girl you haven't defiled in all of Hogwarts?"

"That's quite an exaggeration," I responded because even though I certainly have made my way through the female population at Hogwarts, there were still quite a few girls who I had managed to steer clear of.

"Your plaything is around here somewhere," he drawled. "Why don't you go bother her?"

"One could argue that I wasn't _bothering_ your cousin, I was having a polite conversation with her," I countered, ignoring his derogatory dig at Hattie. "Though I hardly think you'd know anything about politeness."

"Not exactly your forte either."

"Your cousin might say otherwise."

"Alright, quit it you two," Reese finally stepped in with a sigh. "Scorpius, why don't you find that other cousin of ours and warn her to stay away from your beloved enemy here? And James, why don't you find your own cousins to converse with?"

My head tilted to the side hesitantly. "What other cousin of yours is here?" I questioned. Glancing between them, I noticed that they both winced. I was about to ask again when it dawned on me that they must have filled their open seeker position with their cousin. "Wait, Isla Zabini?"

"Way to go, cuz," Scorpius drawled.

Reese snorted. "She's here tonight, Scorp. James would have figured it out eventually."

"I don't know about that. He's not terribly bright."

"Fuck off, Malfoy. Isla's your new seeker?" I continued, not sure why confirmation mattered. Whether Isla was the new seeker or not, I knew nothing about her Quidditch abilities. The only good news was that Slytherin played Hufflepuff before we played Slytherin so we'd get a bit of insight into Isla's playing abilities before playing her ourselves.

"Yes, and chances are she's going to blow that obnoxious seeker of yours out of the water," Scorpius retaliated.

"Even I can't deny that Bishop is obnoxious and very much a handful. And rude. Total bitch if you ask me. Lives with a permanent frown on her face. A bit vulgar and insults everyone who crosses her path. And…where was I going with this?"

"Nowhere hopefully," Scorpius drawled.

I ignored him. "Oh, right – she may be a pain, but doesn't matter because we all know she's a damned fine seeker."

"If she was a damned fine seeker, she would have caught that snitch in last year's finals," Scorpius smirked.

Yeah, I should have seen that one coming.

"She'll catch it in this year's finals," I said with a shrug. "And with a novice seeker, it'd be a miracle if you make it to finals at all."

I decided to make that my last words to the git as I grabbed the drinks I poured for Fred and Alice and headed back to the twosome. The twosome had become a threesome as Jax had joined up with them.

"Isla Zabini," I stated as I handed out the drinks to my two friends.

The three of them exchanged a look before turning back to me skeptically. "Are we just randomly naming cousins of our rivals?" Fred questioned. "If so, anyone who is a cousin of Roxy can be included in the mix."

"Roxy isn't your rival, she's your sister. There's a difference," I argued. "And Isla is Slytherin's new seeker."

"Ah," he murmured with a slight grimace. "And of course we know nothing about her Quidditch skills."

"We will," Alice pointed out. "Slytherin plays Hufflepuff in December before we play them in March."

"How the hell did Slytherin get such a good schedule this year?" Jax grumbled. "They have one game in December and then they have their last two games in March and April."

"Our schedule is just as decent as theirs. Better, if you ask me," I pointed out. "They have to play in back to back games which only gives them a month to target their practice approaches at Ravenclaw. And no one will know what the standings are until we play them in March. They won't know whether they'll be out of the running or whether they need to take the time to polish their chaser strategy because they'll need extra points or whether they'll need to focus their energy on their seeker for the win."

"Yeah, but at least they'll have the chance to fight for their spot in the finals," Alice chimed in. "We'll be in the stands watching a match where the fate of our spot in the finals rests in the hands of two other teams."

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves," I argued. "Who knows? Maybe it'll be obvious after the first two matches who the finals will belong to."

"It's never obvious," Fred contested. "Two years ago, it was so clear that Ravenclaw and Slytherin far surpassed our team and Hufflepuff's but we beat out Slytherin for the finals by twenty points."

"And then got completely trounced by Ravenclaw," Jax grimaced.

"Ugh, don't remind me," I muttered.

I was happy for the change of subject as a familiar female's voice rang out across the pitch.

"Good evening, everyone!"

Glancing up, I noticed that Kye, Hufflepuff's Captain, was standing in the bleachers hovering over the crowd.

"I wanted to extend a hearty welcome to all the Quidditch players out here tonight, both old and new."

"Oy, who put you in charge?" Brooks Pruitt's voice cried out from the middle of the crowd.

Kye sent a very dirty glare towards the Ravenclaw Captain before barking, "Well, let's see. Everyone, raise your hand if you've had at least one year of captaining under your belt."

She threw her hand in the air while the rest of us kept still.

"Case closed," she smirked.

"Great," I heard Albus mutter nearby, "That means I'll be put in charge next year."

The fact that I was able to keep myself from tossing my drink in his face was one of my bigger accomplishments in life.

"I'll be getting the music started in just a few minutes," Kye continued, "But wanted to introduce the new blood to what I can only describe as the best establishment that Hogwarts has to offer. For all you slow ones out there, I'm referring to Quidditch of course."

I could have sworn she sent another look in Brooks' direction.

"We've added a total of five new players to the teams and two new reserves," Kye spoke up.

It struck me then that I hadn't even been concerned about other teams' reserves. I put a lot of value on my starting players that sometimes the reserves became a mere afterthought.

Since Lorcan and Lysander had been reserves for Ravenclaw in the prior year, I had to assume that the two new reserves to the league this year, as Kye mentioned, came from Ravenclaw. While I only believed in keeping one reserve on hand, Ravenclaw had a lot of experience with injuries and benched players that they always kept two reserves available.

I glanced around the pitch in search for the two new faces as Kye continued.

"The Slytherins have added new seeker, Isla Zabini, to their team."

Hoots and hollers from the Slytherins filled the air. I noticed Hattie Wilkes a few meters away rooting for her new teammate. She met my gaze and winked at me.

I had a good feeling she and I would be leaving together later.

"The Gryffindors have added new keeper, Cassiopeia Rollins, and new chaser, CJ Wood."

I was happy to hear that our cheers were far louder than Slytherin's.

"And last but certainly not least, the Ravenclaws have filled their open beater positions with last year's reserves Lorcan and Lysander Scamander," Kye spoke. "To the reserve position, they have added Penny Briggs and Zig Keppler."

Oh, shit.

I turned towards Fred whose eyes were blazing with anger as he sought out the fifth year who had recently been found in a broom cupboard with his younger sister. "Oh, you have _got_ to be bloody kidding me," he snarled, his eyes narrowed into dangerous slits as he glared at the fifth year.

Kye prattled on for a few more minutes regarding respecting the organization and reminding all of us of Code rules, but Fred and I tuned her out and began muttering to each other about how we could bring Zig down.

"Let's stick his tongue to the roof of his mouth," I offered. "Won't be able to snog anyone like that."

"And render him blind so he can't so much as look at my sister."

"Glue his hands together."

"Laxatives in that drink of his," Fred grunted.

"Because you have those on hand?" Jax smirked.

"Let's turn him bald," I suggested. "See how he feels about losing those luscious locks of his."

"Breaking his leg isn't out of the question," Fred responded.

"In case it wasn't obvious enough, you two are total prats," Alice sighed.

"You say prats. We say sibling duty."

"You're not her sibling," Alice pointed out to me.

I hesitated. "Family member duty," I corrected.

She rolled her eyes. "You two seriously need to realize that the girls in your family do not want nor need you to butt into their personal lives. Who they are dating or snogging or flirting with is absolutely none of your business."

"You say none of our business. We say sibling—er, family obligation."

"Have I mentioned recently that you're a prat?" she growled.

"It's come up," I said with a teasing grin before glancing back towards Fred who was currently glaring at Zig halfway across the pitch. "So, do you have any laxatives on you, Freddo, or will we just have to resort to gluing his hands together?"

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

 _"You bloody bastards_."

Breaking off my conversation with Alice, I turned around and was met with a very angry glare flashing across Roxanne's face. "Hiya, Roxy."

" _Don't you 'hiya' me_."

"Alright," I said with a curt shrug, "Bye-a, Roxy."

Not my best comeback, I'll admit.

Alice grimaced as Roxanne's eyes blazed with even more fury. "Why is it that Zig can't seem to tear his hands apart from each other?"

It took everything within me not to laugh. "Maybe he's just really into praying?"

" _Don't make me hex your eyebrows off, Potter_."

I tried to imagine what I'd look like without eyebrows but the image never really surfaced. "His hands were a little too close to your arse while the two of you were dancing earlier," I said with a shrug. "So we made sure _that_ wouldn't happen again."

"This coming from the guy whose hands were all over Iris Beck just a few minutes ago," she snapped.

I shrugged. "Yeah, so I know exactly what that male friend of yours is thinking."

"I swear I am not going to tell you this again," Roxanne spoke in a low voice, " _Butt out of my life_."

I shrugged again. She and I both knew I wouldn't.

"And where is that brother of mine anyway? I have a right mind to kick his arse."

I had lost track of him a half hour ago so her guess was as good as mine. I went to search the sea of faces, but Alice cleared her throat and spoke up on my behalf. "He appears to be quite busy at the moment working on his flirting skills."

I turned around expecting to see him up close and personal with Ryleigh so imagine my surprise when I saw he had Ainsley Bennet pressed up against the bleachers instead.

"Oh, c'mon," Roxanne shuddered. "I thought my teammates had better taste than that."

She stormed off as Alice turned to me with a smirk. "Looks like he may be over Ryleigh."

Jax came over then and said he needed a dance partner so Alice was soon whisked away and I was left on my own.

It occurred to me as I weaved my way through the crowd of people that the males were outnumbered by the females by quite a bit but considering most of the females were incredibly good-looking, I didn't mind one bit. I made it a point to congratulate Penny Briggs on her reserve position, though it was mostly just an excuse to stare down her shirt (she didn't seem to mind at all). I danced with the entire Hufflepuff team, including their reserves, except for Lionel (because that would have been weird) and sixth-year Bryce who told me that if her boyfriend found out she was grinding up against James Potter, I'd be a dead man tomorrow.

Yet another person to add to the list of sixth-year Slytherins who had it out for me.

I caught Bryce dancing with Albus later which I thought was a bit hypocritical, though I suppose considering they were both dating other people (both of which were Slytherins), they knew their limits around each other while I could hardly say the same about me.

I was on the verge of intoxication when I decided it may be nearing the time to exit the party graciously so naturally, I began scanning the crowd for Hattie.

Unfortunately, I found her having a conversation with Brooks Pruitt and Callum Finch. And she did not look happy.

I hurried over there and came up behind the two boys at the tail-end of their comment. "-overlooked for the Captain position by a sixth year."

"I didn't want the Captain position and anyone who knows me was aware of that," Hattie snapped. "I have enough on my plate as it is without adding wrangling a group of rowdy Quidditch players to it."

I used that time to insert myself into the conversation. "Aw, boys, did every girl at this party already reject you that now you've resorted to insulting them?"

Brooks and Callum turned around and glared at me in unison. They might spend too much time together. "I wasn't aware we were talking to you, Potter," Brooks, the ringleader of their twosome, sneered.

"Seems to me Hattie isn't much interested in talking to you either."

"Jeez, Wilkes," Brooks drawled, turning towards the blonde, "Not only have you been passed up for Captain but now you have to have some other guy speak on your behalf?"

"How utterly pathetic," Callum chimed in.

I opened my mouth to respond, but Hattie cut me off. "And picking some stupid fight with me _isn't_ pathetic?"

Oh, how I loved her sass.

And her ass.

But that's beside the point.

"If you think getting inside her head is supposed to be the answer to handing you that Cup this year, you're incredibly mistaken," I drawled, shaking my head in boredom at the two of them. "Mostly because Gryffindor we'll be winning that Cup."

"And of course you suddenly make this about you," Brooks growled. "But remind me, Potter, when was the last time you personally had a hand in winning Gryffindor the Cup? Oh, that's right, never."

I wanted so badly to wipe that stupid smirk off his face. "Tell me, Pruitt, how much did your Daddy have to pay off McGonagall for your Captain badge?"

"Oh, I think we both know I got this badge on merits alone," he sneered. "Can't say the same about you, can I? You and that kid brother of yours only got those Captain badges because of your famous daddy and we all know it so don't go thinking you deserved it in any way."

I decided that would be a really good time to punch the bastard.

He let out a loud curse and stumbling backward as my fist collided with his jaw.

"James, _no_ ," Hattie pleaded, grabbing my arm before I could do any further damage.

But she was tiny and I could easily throw her off of me so I did so as I rounded on the Ravenclaw again. " _Say that again if you want that badge of yours rammed down your goddamned throat."_

Brooks removed his hand from his face and I saw the blood spilling from his mouth. I also saw the rage fuming in his eyes but I didn't give a shit about that. "Touchy subject, aye?" he sneered, spitting blood out from his mouth. "Probably because you know it's true."

I closed the gap between us but a voice behind me stopped me from punching the bastard again.

"James, don't."

I stiffened and whirled around to glare at my brother. "Fuck off, Al. This doesn't concern you."

Brooks and Callum cackled behind me. "Ah, and the golden boy rides in on his white horse to save the damsel in distress," Brooks boasted. "That damsel being you, Senior Potter, in case there was any uncertainty."

I whirled around and swung at the jerk again, but he was smart enough to backtrack before I could make contact with his face. I tried rounding on him again, but you'll never guess who was there to grab the back of my sweater before I could.

" _Get off me, Al_ ," I sneered, trying to shove him away. I definitely had a couple inches on him but he unfortunately was just as strong as me, both of us having Quidditch to thank for that.

"You're already looking at a couple days worth of detention," he sighed, dragging me away from the two Ravenclaws. "Don't make it any worse."

I eventually did shove him off of me though I was now a good distance away from the rest of the crowd. I noticed Alice making her way through the crowd looking just as angry as I felt. I wanted to believe she was on my side but that Head Girl badge of hers made me think I was about to get scolded for succumbing to Brooks' bait. "Do you need me to tell you to fuck off again, Al? Because I'd be more than happy to do so!"

He shrugged. "Like I don't hear it enough from you."

Alice was by my side then and I cowered at her next words. " _What the hell is wrong with you, James_?"

"Well, a lot, but I'm not sure I have the energy to make you a full list right now."

She glared at me. "I know this may come as a huge shock to you, but with that Captain badge of yours comes actual responsibilities and an authority figure role. Punching people is hardly role model-material!"

"Like anybody would be stupid enough to use me as their role model," I snorted.

I saw the anger quickly fade into disappointment which I hated. I could deal with anger. I was an expert at dealing with those angry at me. But disappointing Alice was not something I liked doing. I disappointed enough people in my life without disappointing her, too.

"You know what I'm about to say, right?" she murmured.

"I'm assuming the words 'points off' and 'detention' will be included."

She frowned, saying nothing at first as she stared at me with those disenchanted blue eyes of hers. There was a small shake of the head that only I probably noticed before she spoke. "Twenty points from Gryffindor and detention on Sunday," she sighed before turning on her heels.

"Ace, _wait_ ," I groaned.

"I'm heading back to my room," she spoke coolly, her back still turned to me as she walked away. "I'll see you tomorrow."

That was her way of telling me not to follow her.

I knew she'd eventually forgive me for flying off the handle because she almost always did, but that didn't mean I liked being in the doghouse in the interim.

"If it makes you feel any better, I think you might have knocked out a tooth or two of Pruitt's."

I glanced over my shoulder and offered a small smile to Hattie. "Y'know, that does actually make me feel better," I said with a shrug. "You know what would make me feel even better?"

She smirked as she drew close to me, whispering into my ear, "Me and you getting completely naked in an empty classroom somewhere?"

I grinned and Alice was forgotten about momentarily. "Precluded by lots of snogging and followed by even more shagging, I hope."

She grinned as she extended her hand. "C'mon, let's get out of here, Punchy McPuncherson."

I shot her a look.

"No? Too soon to joke?"

All I could do was sigh.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

My head was fuzzy when I awoke the next morning, something I could blame the alcohol on. Partying was a specialty of mine, however, and I got nowhere near obliterated that I typically did so while I had the tiniest of headaches, there were no other hangover symptoms.

When I sat up in bed, I let out a sudden yelp for perched at the end of my bed was Fred with a creepy grin on his face. "You do realize that your bed is on the other side of the room, don't you," I drawled, shoving the edge of my heel into his shin.

"Rumor around the pitch last night is that you rammed your fist into the side of Brooks Pruitt's face."

I shrugged. "Not a rumor."

Fred began to bounce on my bed gleefully. "And you neglected to inform me of this last night why?"

"You were a tad busy sucking face with Ainsley Bennett."

He shook his head. "Nah, didn't snog her."

My eyebrow shot up. "Seriously?"

He shrugged.

"Hm, you should have," I commented. "From what I remember from last year's Quidditch kickoff party, she sure knows how to use that tongue of hers."

He chuckled and I used that time to climb out of bed and head towards the bathroom.

"You planning on heading down to breakfast?" Fred asked behind me.

"Yeah, but I gotta make a pit stop first."

"Where?"

I glanced over my shoulder with a sigh. "Alice's," I said. "Let's just say she's not too pleased with me."

He grimaced. "Ah, she witnessed the blow to Pruitt, did she."

"That she did."

"Well, I'm heading down to breakfast now," Fred spoke as he, too, climbed off my bed. "There'll be a seat waiting for you should you find a way back into AliCat's good graces."

She's always forgiven me in the past but I suppose there was a first time for everything.

There was a small part of me that feared that one day she'd wake up and realize that everyone was right in telling her I was a bad influence on her and she'd chuck me for good. What she didn't know, what no one really knew, was that I depended on her a lot more than I would have liked to admit. I was very aware what a troublemaker I was but I could probably be a lot worse if I didn't have Alice in my life to keep me grounded. And she was the only one who knew every one of my fears and insecurities without judging me for them. She's been there for me ever since the day we were born and I wasn't looking to give that up anytime soon.

Of course, if I just stopped doing stupid shit she'd have no reason to chuck me.

But I think we all know that I wouldn't be stopping that anytime soon.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I knocked on her door before pushing it open, not bothering to wait for a response. Alice was sitting up in bed with a trail of notes by her side when she glanced up.

"Hi," I greeted, hovering awkwardly in the doorway.

"Knocking and then entering without permission defeats the purpose of knocking in the first place," she spoke coolly. Too coolly. This wasn't going to be easy.

"It gave you a couple seconds to get decent."

"Ah, yes, because all of my early morning note-reviewing is done in the nude," she snorted.

My eyebrow peaked upward as a small smirk spread across my lips. "I'm going to have to keep that in mind."

I ducked as a book came soaring at my head.

"Throwing textbooks?" I tsked. "How unlike you."

"What do you want, James?" she muttered, her hard eyes bearing a hole through mine.

Uh-oh. She was using my full name. This was definitely going to be harder than I thought.

With a frown, I said, "You know what I want."

She sighed, tossing her quill on to her notes and pushing them aside. "I'm not mad."

"Don't say you're disappointed," I groaned. "I don't think I could take it."

There was a flicker of hesitation in her eyes that made me cringe. "I look the other way when you and Fred are pranking some unsuspecting student. I only roll my eyes every time you insist on sassing a professor. I join you when you sneak out of the castle after curfew. I egg you on when you're defending yourself against some jackoff's insult. But have you ever known me to approve of you punching that very same jackoff in the face?"

"No," I murmured.

She sighed. "You can't go around punching people, James. It's called assault and it's unlawful."

I made a face. I hated it when she made me feel guilty. "It's also called Brooks Pruitt being a bloody jackass."

The frustrated look on her face told me that wasn't the proper response. "What did he say to provoke you?"

I frowned. "It was nothing," I lied.

She tilted her head to the side, studying me with her very piercing blue eyes. "Which basically means it had something to do with your father."

I didn't respond.

She offered me an apologetic smile. "It's the only time you resort to using your fists," she said with a shrug.

"It's the same shit you deal with when students assume you got that Head Girl badge because of your dad," I blurted out.

She pondered the statement before narrowing her eyes in realization. "Oh, bloody hell, does Pruitt really think that McGonagall gave you that Captain badge just because of who your father is?"

I wasn't surprised she figured it out quickly. "The accusation is justified when you think about who else got that badge."

She cringed before shaking her head. "As much as you can't stand the idea of your brother as Captain, he got it on talent alone. Hattie has made it clear she wasn't interested and out of the three sixth years, he's clearly the most responsible and devoted."

"Stop complimenting him. It's nauseating," I groaned.

She flashed me a smile. "You might find next year when you're out in the real world, that you'll actually miss your brother."

"That wasn't a real opinion, was it?" I snorted.

She sighed. "Remember when you used to like your brother?"

Yeah, I did. The truth was, I had never wanted to hate my brother. Albus and I had gotten along quite well when we were kids. Being only eighteen months apart had its advantages at a young age when you only ever wanted someone to play with. We used to play endless hours of gobstones and listen to Quidditch matches every evening and dirty ourselves in the stream behind our house and fly around on our brooms until nightfall and make snowmen in the winter and splash around in puddles when it rained. But then I went off to Hogwarts and things began to slowly change.

From the moment I stepped foot at Hogwarts, I became known as the hero Harry Potter's kid instead of just James and it quickly filled me with a lot of resentment that ultimately led to my fall-out with not only my parents but Albus as well. That first year hadn't been easy for me. I had been looking forward to going to Hogwarts ever since I was a five-year-old kid and Teddy came back from his first year bragging about it. And then Victoire got to go two years later. Next was Dominique and then Molly and last was Louis. They'd come home for the holidays and for the summer and they couldn't stop talking about the excitement and the thrill of it all. When it was finally my turn to go, I thought I was in for the same treat.

I had been sorely mistaken.

It didn't matter that Weasleys attended Hogwarts before me. I was Harry Potter's son. That made me far more of a celebrity than my cousins apparently. People grew close to me only because they wanted to be able to tell people they were BFFs with the very son of the hero of the wizarding world. They wanted to hear war stories and live vicariously through my father's accomplishments. But the funny part, maybe even ironic, was that they seemed to know more about it than I did.

Sure, I knew the basics. I knew who Voldemort was and that it was my father who ultimately brought about his demise but the details had been vague. My parents rarely spoke about the war. So I didn't know that there was a prophecy or that my father was known as the Chosen One and I didn't know the details behind the horcruxes or what the seven Harry Potters meant. I didn't know my father had surrendered his life to protect everyone else or what remorse had to do with Voldemort's ultimate death. I didn't know because my father never told me and I never bothered to read the history books about it because I figured my father had the insider scoop. But everyone else read the history books. Everyone else knew the details.

I felt blind-sided. I felt used. I felt like a fraud. And then I realized that it wasn't me who was the fraud, it was my father. And from then on, it was easier resenting him than loving him.

So I did what any normal kid would do. I rebelled. Instead of focusing on my studies as an eleven-year-old, I spent most of my time coming up with pranks and other ways to be disrupting, to try to distance myself from the memory of Harry Potter as a student. I spoke back to the professors because I knew it was something my father never did. I stayed out after curfew begging to be caught to prove to my father I was a troublemaker and therefore different than him in every way. I wanted to be nothing like him. I wanted to not be associated with him. I didn't want to be Harry Potter's son. I wanted to be me.

And when Albus arrived at Hogwarts, he took on filling the role of the perfect son that I refused to be. He studied hard, minded his Ps and Qs, never broke a school rule or spent any time in detention, got himself a steady girlfriend, and respected his elders. Everything I had given up just to prove to my father I wasn't like him in any way.

It had been my choice to separate myself from my family. I couldn't blame Albus for that one. I could have tried to be a better son if I had wanted to. But I didn't want to. And the really annoying thing was that Albus didn't care about being the perfect son. He wasn't trying to fill a role. He was just being himself. And with everything he did, it was as if it was an unintentional way of reminding me that he was and would always be better than me in every way. I would have been fine with an average Albus who was human and could made a mistake every once in a while. Instead I got the golden boy as my brother, who excelled in every single thing he touched that ultimately made me look really bad.

"Remember when we grew up and things changed?" I countered.

Her eyebrow slowly ascended. "You grew up? That's news to me."

I made a face at her which only had her laughing. "Oh, c'mon, you totally set yourself up for that one," she chuckled.

Yeah, I totally did.

"You know what I'm about to suggest, right?"

My eyebrow shot up. "I do?"

A mischievous grin spread across her face as she climbed off her bed and walked over to her bookshelf. I made a face as I saw her reach for her bin of records.

"We don't need to dance it out," I argued, shaking my head.

"Course we do."

"Dealing with my shithead of a brother and my family stigmas is nothing new."

"Shut up, we're doing it."

"But-"

"I said shut up," she smirked, glancing over her shoulder with a grin before placing the record on to the magical turntable and turning the volume way up.

 _Here's to tonight  
_ _Wherever it goes, I'm all in  
_ _Chasing the light  
_ _We don't do no last calling_

"C'mon," she said to me, swaying her hips as she rounded on me.

"I'm good," I laughed.

"You know you're going to do it so why bother stalling?" she argued over the sound of the music, jumping around as the chorus continued.

 _We never ever needed love  
_ ' _Cause if we got our friends then that's enough  
_ _Wherever it goes I'm all in, all in  
_ _Wherever it goes, wherever it goes  
_ _Wherever it goes, I'm all in_

She sang along to the lyrics as she gestured for me to join her. All I could do was watch her sashay around the room with a huge smile on her face. That was enough to put a huge smile on my face and forget about my family drama.

" _Join me, James_!" she pleaded as she jumped on to her bed with eager eyes and began bouncing around with a laugh.

Who could resist?

I let out a barking laugh before climbing on to the bed beside her as we finished out the song together.

 _Running around like we own these streets  
_ _Wearing the crown like the Whiskey Kings  
_ _We know who we ain't, we know who we are  
_ _We taking the bait, we take it too far  
_ _We get what we want, we want everything_

For the next few minutes, we said nothing to each other as we danced around, mussing up the covers on her bed, and belted out the lyrics as if nothing else mattered but the two of us.

And in that moment, nothing else did.

When the song ended, we collapsed on her bed in a fit of laughter, reminding me exactly why we had started the dancing it out tradition in the past. Because no matter what else was going on in our lives, knowing we had each other and our silly tradition was somehow enough to make all things bearable.

I glanced towards her with a smile. "I'm starving. You want to go grab breakfast?"

She sat up and glanced over at her notes that had fallen to the floor. "Yeah, I can come back to the essays later."

"Or we can go hang out by the lake later. Nice day out."

"You're going to have to do some work at some point," she said as she crawled out of bed.

"I haven't done any in the past six years. Why change it up now?"

She sighed as she looped her arm in mine and led us down the stairwell. "Sometimes I wonder how it's possible you and I have stayed friends all these years."

"Ah yes, the slacker and the Head Girl. We'd make for an interesting superhero duo."

"Oh, yeah, I can see it now. I'd poke the villains in the eye with a quill and you'd just yawn at them."

"Which basically means you'll be doing all the work and I'll just be there as arm candy."

"Don't need to be a superhero duo for that to be true."

I went to defend myself but stopped and grinned instead. "I do make for some damned good arm candy."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I knew it was only a matter of time before the professors got wind of my right hook. Alice had to write me up since she docked points and gave me a detention and the Heads of Household ultimately see those detention slips. So that night at dinner as I shoveled shepherd's pie into my mouth while going over my playbook with Alice, Fred, and Jax, I wasn't at all surprised to see Neville making his way over to me.

"Good evening, Professor," I greeted, flashing him my trademark smile.

He sighed. "I'm assuming you know why I'm here."

"Did the Professor's table run out of treacle fudge again?"

"Mister Potter," he warned.

I shut the playbook and whirled around in my seat to face him. "Alright, give me your worst."

"Why bother when it appears it'll never do any good?" he spoke sternly.

Oh, look, he's catching on.

"Something tells me you'll be writing my parents about this," I deflected.

"When you knock someone's tooth out, you get a disciplinary letter home. That's just how it works."

"Ah, so I _did_ knock a tooth out," I said rather proudly.

As I was still turned towards the professor, I couldn't see Alice's glare but I could definitely feel it.

"Two weeks into school and you are already testing my patience," Neville spoke, his tone brisk. "That might be a record for you."

"Y'know, Professor, I think you might miss me next year," I said with a teasing grin.

He smirked. "Aw, who says you'll be graduating?" he said with a shrug. " _Stop punching students, James._ I'm warning you."

With that, he turned on his heel and walked away, leaving my three friends to laugh at my expense. I rolled my eyes at them as I turned back towards the table. "His words would mean a lot more if I wasn't passing all of my classes."

"Barely," Alice said in between laughs. "And I don't think it's your grades that won't have you walking down that graduation aisle. I think it'd be your mouth or your fists or all those detentions you manage to get."

"Fred gets detention, too," I pointed out. "You don't see the professors warning him he may not graduate."

"That's because I'm wildly charming," Fred teased. "The professors love me, mate."

He unfortunately had a point. While I had a knack for talking back to professors, Fred had a knack for charming them with just a smile. It was unfair really seeing as we shared DNA.

"That's because you're a suck-up," I ribbed, even though we all knew that was far from the truth.

"Nope, that's what we have AliCat for," he joked, reaching over to tossle the top of her hair.

She swatted him away and sent him a glare. "I'm not a suck-up, I just do what's expected."

"Sounds like suck-up material to me," Jax finally chimed in with a teasing grin.

"Says the guy who tutors younger students in the limited free time we have," Alice shot back.

Jax merely shrugged while I grimaced and Fred snorted. One of the things I've quickly learned about Jax over the years was that he was fazed by absolutely nothing. He didn't get embarrassed and rarely got angry which made him a boring target of teasing. Of course that didn't stop us from teasing him altogether.

"Why do we hang out with Blockhead again, Freddo?"

"Not sure, Jameso."

"Uh, how about because I'm an excellent conversationalist and have a winning personality?" Jax boasted.

"Winning personality?" Fred questioned. "You? Really?"

"Yeah, let's leave the winning on the Quidditch pitch, Bloch," I chimed in with a smirk.

"You two are prats" was his response.

Alice chuckled beside me. "That is so old news, Jax."

I could have taken offense to that. Instead I high-fived Fred.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"No, no, no, no, _no_!" I scowled. "Bishop, what in Merlin's name are you doing, cutting off Ace like that?"

"If I had circled around her, the snitch would have either been long gone by that time or the other team would have grabbed the snitch before me seeing as I'm pretty sure they don't give a shit about Alice, no offense," Sadie spoke in a rather bored tone. "I do what I have to do to catch the snitch."

"That's what we have beaters for. They would have stopped the other seeker from getting their hand on the snitch," I argued. "I'd prefer it if our own team members weren't taking each other out."

She shrugged unapologetically. "I got the snitch, didn't I?"

I wiped the sweat off my brow and let out an irritated grunt. Glancing towards the ground, I found that Fred and Jax were still partaking in a push-up contest which I had given the green light on. Anything to build up their muscle stamina was a win in my book. "Fred! Jax!" I called out.

The two of them halted their workout, grabbed ahold of their brooms and flew towards me. "Yes, Cappy?" the latter spoke.

"If a snitch is hovering around one of our chasers and the seekers are in full speed ahead in an attempt to grab it, what would you do?" I questioned.

Sadie let out a cry of protest as Fred and Jax exchanged a look. "Is that a trick question?" Fred asked.

"No."

Fred and Jax exchanged another look. "We'd target the bludgers towards the opposing team's seeker," Jax responded slowly as if he thought maybe there was a different answer he wasn't considering.

There wasn't.

I turned towards Sadie who was now glaring at me. "I rest my case, Bishop."

"Fine," she snapped. "We all know you wouldn't want your precious girlfriend to get injured anyway."

"Not his girlfriend," Alice called out who was looping in the air above us.

"She couldn't be," I reminded Sadie. "Code and all."

Sadie predictably rolled her eyes. "Is that all you bloody care about?" she muttered before flying off.

I could have called her back but practice was nearing the end anyway so I merely sighed and gestured for CJ and Cass to join us. Ignoring Sadie who was doing laps in the air, I spoke to the others. "Alright, you're all dismissed. Team meeting tomorrow night in the Clock Tower. I procured the recordings of Ravenclaw's matches last year so get ready to analyze."

"Dammit," Fred muttered, "I was really hoping Neville wouldn't come through with those."

If anyone found it weird that Fred and I called him Neville outside of class, no one ever said anything.

"Sorry, Freddo, he just handed them to me this morning," I said with a grin. I knew how much Fred hated analyzing match recordings. As a beater, there was very little for him to actually listen to as the beater tactics are fairly straight-forward. But it was always good to get insight on who the other teams' beaters tended to cover as that would ultimately give us a slight edge.

"Cass, these recordings are going to be gold to you," I spoke to the blonde. "They will provide details on every single goal ever scored last year and how they were done. We will study them until we are blue in the face and can't see straight. And then we will study them some more. We have a slight advantage over Ravenclaw now as they don't have a damned clue about Cass' stellar keeping abilities, but I'd still like to stay one step ahead of them."

With nothing more, I once again dismissed them. They all flew towards the ground and dismounted except for Alice who met my gaze and smiled. "Don't let Bishop get to you," she urged. "She may be the devil but she's the devil who catches the snitch every time."

"Except in last year's finals," I reminded her.

"It's a new year, Captain," she said, poking me with the end of her broom. "Time to get over the past."

Easy for her to say. Her brother hadn't spent a month bragging about the win every chance he got.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"You can't skive off classes in your final year, James."

Alice was reprimanding me for choosing to sleep instead of showing up for Potions but I had stayed up until three in the morning listening to the never-ending Puddlemere-Tornadoes game with Dash and was far too tired to venture off to the dungeons that morning for a double-period of Potions.

"My alarm didn't go off," I lied.

She rolled her eyes. "That excuse has never worked on me."

I grinned sheepishly. "I'll work on my excuses and get back to you."

"Or just don't do anything in which you will need an excuse."

"We'll call that Plan B."

She groaned as we slipped into the Gryffindor table for dinner. Fred was already there, tuning out what appeared to be an argument between Dash and Shayne. That came as no surprise to me. As much as they had their moments where they were sickeningly romantic and disgustingly mushy, they also had plenty of bickering moments.

"I just had to finish the Transfiguration essay, Dash," Shayne snapped. "Just because you're not keen on opening a textbook doesn't mean the rest of us aren't."

"I get that you had to finish your essay. What I don't get is why Tanner Carmichael was there."

"Because, and here's a novel concept, he had to finish his essay, too?"

Dash scowled. "This is far from amusing."

She giggled. "You're cute when you're jealous."

"I'm not jealous!" he argued.

"Sounds like you're jealous to me," I chimed in with a cheeky grin, buttering my biscuit.

Dash turned his head to glare at me. "Oy, who asked you?"

"To be fair, Carmichael is a whiny git. I wouldn't want my girlfriend hanging out with him either."

Dash smiled triumphantly as he turned back towards his girlfriend. "See? Potter gets it."

"I'm hardly going to listen to the opinion on our relationship from a guy who wouldn't know the meaning of the word girlfriend if it danced a jig in front of his face," Shayne argued.

Very descriptive.

"If girlfriends are as argumentative as you are, I'm pretty sure I don't want to know the meaning of the word," I countered.

She shot me a nasty look before glancing back towards Dash with a sigh. "You were more than welcome to join me in the library last night. Instead, you chose to waste six hours listening to a stupid Quidditch match."

"Oy! Quidditch is not stupid!" I groaned.

"Hasn't anyone ever told you that there's more to life than sports?" Shayne sighed.

"No."

Fred finally brought attention to his presence by snorting. "You're asking _James_ that?"

She sighed. "You boys and your Quidditch," she muttered.

"And girl," I argued, pointing towards Alice.

"Yeah, but at least she's sane."

"I think Winters just insulted us, Freddo."

"I think you're right, Jameso."

"What are we going to do about it, Freddo?"

He smirked. "Plan's already in the works, Jameso."

Alice sat up at that time with narrowed eyes. "What plan?"

We said nothing.

" _Dammit, what did you two do_?"

"Nothing, dear," I teased.

" _James_ ," she demanded. "What trouble am I going to find you two in this time?"

As if on cue, the fake sky clouded over and sheets of rain came pouring down on all of us.

The Great Hall filled with shrieks as everyone ducked underneath the tables for cover, including myself and my friends. Buried under the stench of mud and smelly feet, I grinned. "Guess trouble found us."

"Or you found trouble," Alice scowled.

"You have no proof."

"Being friends with you for seventeen years is proof enough."

"That won't hold up in court," Dash smirked. "Oh, ew, this floor is filthy."

"Aw, worried about a little bit of dirt?" Shayne teased her boyfriend.

"I don't want your uniform to get scuffed, dear," he retaliated jokingly.

"Always looking out for me. My hero," she giggled, leaning over to press her lips to his.

"Gross, this might be the most unromantic place on the planet," Alice drawled, scrunching up her nose in disgust.

"Feeling left out?" I chuckled.

She rolled her eyes at me. "Don't make me rub your face in the floor."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"It's hot," Fred was complaining, though he was being ignored.

"The Grimsky Split," Alice said as she and I were arguing over what we considered to be the best strategic plays in Quidditch. "The impossible loop alone makes that play the best in the history of Quidditch."

"Damien Grimsky cracked his head open the second time he tried to implement that play and never played Quidditch again," I huffed. "No one's nearly died during the Rembrandt Review. And it's still used today by incredibly skilled players!"

"Oh, you're just arguing that because you used to have a crush on Lottie Rembrandt," Alice argued.

"How is this hot in September?" Fred grumbled under his breath, peeling his shirt away from his body.

"She was one of the best chasers in the league when we were kids," I reminded Alice. "Every male that ever existed and liked sports was in love with her."

" _You were a child_ ," she laughed.

"I was a very sophisticated child," I countered.

"You must be talking about someone else because the child I remember loved to show everyone how he could burp the alphabet," she sighed.

I grinned. "I can still do that."

"Please don't."

"Why aren't we sitting in the shade?" Fred asked.

"What about the Tedamundo Turnover?" I debated with Alice. "Ted Mundy became famous off that play."

"How he managed to stay on his broom each and every time still blows my mind," Alice said, shaking her head in disbelief. "That play was incredibly risky."

"No risk, no reward," I pointed out.

"Why am I not surprised that you would say that."

"I'm getting the sense that you two are ignoring me," Fred contemplated.

"Only took you twenty minutes to figure that out," Alice finally addressed him.

He rolled his eyes. " _It's hot out here_."

"Yes, I think you said that once or twice or eleven times now," I drawled.

"Clearly it needed to be said again," he huffed. "Why are we outside and not, say, in the air-conditioned castle?"

"Because the time will come where summer will fade into a frigid winter and you, m'friend, will be complaining at the time that we didn't soak up the rays enough," Alice pointed out.

A very true statement. Winter always came on too fast and every year it did, Fred and I were known to complain about it.

Fred rolled his eyes and sat up off the grass. "I'm bored. Let's do something."

"Like?" Alice questioned.

"I don't know but anything is better than listening to you two prattle on about outdated Quidditch plays."

"These plays are not outdated," I scoffed. "They are very much still in syndication today."

"Ooh, big word. Did Alice teach that to you?" he teased.

He ducked as I chucked a fistful of grass at him.

"We do have a handful of essays that are due next week," Alice pointed out. "I should probably be in the library right now instead of out here with you crazies."

"Oy, we are not crazy," I scowled. "Maybe a tad foolish and impulsive at times. A little outspoken. Perhaps a bit wild and over the top. But not crazy."

"My mistake," she drawled, rolling her eyes. She pulled herself off the grass, wiping the stains from her pants and said, "I'm going to go get started on my schoolwork. You two may want to consider doing the same."

She said her good-byes and disappeared off towards the castle.

Fred looked at me and said, "We're not actually going to consider doing the same, are we?"

"I was more thinking of ignoring that suggestion."

Fred grinned. "Hufflepuff is on the pitch right now. Want to play a prank on them?"

"Now that's a suggestion I'm willing to consider."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I was regretting sitting out underneath the willow tree later that week with Dash and Shayne as they got into another one of their typical arguments. I swear they fought more than they got along but apparently neither minded.

Trying to tune the two of them out, I understood from their bickering that Dash and Shayne had made plans study in the library together and Dash had never shown up because Fred, Jax, Dash, and I had gotten distracted by drinking games in Jax's empty dorm room (the joy of having all four of his roommates coupled off). We were pissed by nine o'clock and I hardly think Shayne would have wanted Dash to show up plastered. He did her a favor.

"Next time have the bloody courtesy to tell me you have to bail!"

"That would defeat the purpose of not showing up, love," he drawled.

"You _should_ have showed up!" she snarled, earning a sheepish shrug from my roommate. Her eyes blazed with frustration. "Bloody hell, Dash, you do this all the time. We make plans to hang out and you totally blow me off. It's so fucking unnerving."

I gritted my teeth in bored irritation as they continued to go back and forth. I was slightly annoyed with Alice for hosting a tutoring session or I'd be hanging out with her right now. How I was friends with such a goody-goody I'll never know. I had tried looking for Fred but he had gone MIA. I'm guessing he was off with some girl.

"Will you two bloody shut it already?" I finally snapped, hitting my breaking point.

Shayne glared at me. "I bet you side with Dash."

Well yeah. If he didn't want to meet up with her, that's his prerogative. "I'm on whatever side will shut you two up."

"Tell that to Mr. Inconsiderate over here."

"Merlin of all hells, if I had known you were going to be this annoying over it, I wouldn't have done it!"

"I'm annoying for being pissed off at my boyfriend for blowing me off?"

"Will it shut you up if I tell you I'm sorry?"

"Right, because that sounded sincere."

I tuned them out again, letting my eyes graze the grounds for anyone else to entertain me. My eyes lit up when they fell on Hattie with a textbook in her hands, clearly ignoring her two roommates.

Without bothering to say goodbye to my roommate and his nagging girlfriend, I jumped off the grass and strolled right over to her.

Hattie glanced up at me as I approached and sent me a smile while I settled on to the grass beside her. "Working hard or hardly working?" I asked.

"The former so don't bother trying to distract me."

I scrunched up my nose. "My guess is you'll need a study break soon, hm?"

"Nope."

I chuckled. I always loved when she played hard to get. Especially when I knew I'd wear her down eventually and we would inevitably wind up in a closet together.

There was something about Hattie that I couldn't get enough of. Most girls I ignored or shunned almost immediately the day following whatever tryst we had. I had no patience for clingy women. They were the most maddening thing on the planet. It's called a one-night stand for a reason. Why didn't any of them ever seem to get that? But Hattie seemed to get that I wanted nothing more from her and what was even better was that she expected nothing more from me. We were a perfect combination.

I said nothing more, merely stretched out so I was lying on my back, while she sat crosslegged with her brow furrowed as she attempted to read over her notes.

"Hey James."

I glanced up when Hattie's two roommates finally acknowledged my presence. They weren't so bad, though I made the mistake of sleeping with Jessalyn two years ago, far before I started hanging around Hattie. She had been exceptionally whiny and she liked to remind both Hattie and myself that I had slept with her first anytime she felt annoyed with me or Hattie.

"Hey," I greeted less than enthusiastically.

"Did you see the paper today?"

I frowned. Of course I didn't. I avoided the paper at all costs because most of the time it boasted lies of someone in our family and I preferred to ignore the fact that I was at all related to them. "No," I said harshly.

Based on the look on Hattie's face who was glaring at her roommate to clearly shut up, I could only imagine what the paper had said.

"I was surprised to find out that your mother and father split up," Jessalyn said smugly, ignoring Hattie completely.

It was my turn to glare at the Slytherin. "I'm surprised to find out you actually believe the bullshit the _Daily Prophet_ spouts."

"There's a photo of your father without his wedding band on."

"Oh, no, not a bloody photo! That must be proof," I snapped sarcastically. I couldn't help but be slightly curious why his wedding band was off, though to be fair I didn't spend a lot of times staring at his hands so I couldn't be sure if he always wore it or not.

"Why wasn't he wearing his wedding ba-"

"Will you shut up, Jess?" Hattie snapped. "Unless you want me to go into the sordid details of your fucked up family and that illegitimate half-sister of yours."

My eyebrow shot way up as I smirked.

Hattie - 1. Jessalyn - 0.

That was clearly the wrong thing to say as Jessalyn let out a growl. "Seriously? You're going to throw me under the bus for your bloody boy toy?"

"I am when you're being a bitch."

Another reason why I liked Hattie. She didn't take shit from anyone. I had to believe it had something to do with growing up with two complete pricks for brothers.

"I'm being a bitch for referring to a newspaper article?"

"You only referred to it to get a rise out of James, which backfired by the way because he seems to not care."

I did care, but I wasn't about to admit it. Truthfully, I only cared because I knew everyone around me cared and it was unnerving to have to deal with questioning looks and the quiet gossiping whispers. I wanted to believe it wasn't true but the press has this annoying habit of picking up on things that may not be public knowledge so it was hard to know what was factual versus what was fiction. I had to assumed I would have heard about a separation by now from the parental units but I also ignored much that was going on in their lives, so it was possible I somehow didn't catch any signs. "This is just yet another example of the lack of real stories the _Prophet_ has," I murmured, hoping to convince myself. "They only ever go after my father when the news is light."

"Or maybe they go after your father when they have a legitimate story," Raegan Richmond considered, sticking up for Jessalyn.

I turned to glare at the sidekick but it was Hattie who spoke. "Oh, and you think you know the Potters more than an actual Potter?" she snorted, tossing her quill on to her notes and packing everything up. "Cmon James, I change my mind. I could totally go for a study break."

I was grateful for a reason to walk away, but I was inwardly seething. I couldn't be sure if it was directed at my father or the two sassy Slytherins, but I didn't stick around long enough to find out. I jumped off the grass and followed Hattie towards the castle.

"Ignore them. Jessalyn is just jealous you tossed her the day after sleeping with her and you haven't done the same with me."

Grinning, I draped my arms around her shoulders. "And why would I do a thing like that with you?" I said cheekily.

"Because you do it with every other girl?" she pointed out.

I frowned, sensing slight bitterness in her tone. "Does that bother you?" I asked against my better judgment.

Glancing at me, she made no direct acknowledgement at first before shrugging. "Not really, though I can't help but wonder why you bother keeping me around."

"Are you kidding? You're bloody fantastic!"

I saw the bashful grin on her face, though she tried to hide it. "Well obviously I think so," she said teasingly.

"We have fun together," I reminded her. "Why does it have to be anything more than that?"

She glanced back up at me with a smile. "It doesn't."

"That's why I like you," I admitted with a shrug. "You don't turn this into something it's not and that doesn't bother you. You're not like normal girls, are you?"

She couldn't help but laugh at that before offering me a coy smile. "Don't take this the wrong way, but you've been pretty set in your bachelor ways all these years. If some girl thinks she's going to come along and be the catalyst for some sudden existential change to your dating habits, they must have one hell of a fantasy life."

I actually considered her words, focusing more on the bachelor part than the rest of it. I had thought I was pretty up-front about never wanting an actual relationship and yet Hattie was right in saying that too many girls have come along convinced they could change me.

Spoiler alert. None of them have.

I didn't bother commenting on any of it. Instead, I said with a hint of a smirk, "Speaking of fantasies…"

She let out a barking laugh but before she could comment, we were interrupted by loud, running footsteps rounding a stairwell above us.

"James!"

I glanced up, my brow furrowing as I watched Alice hasten down the entryway stairs. "Aren't you supposed to be tutoring?" I asked.

"I was in the library when a bunch of fifth years started hassling your sister," she sighed. "Not sure if you've heard, but there's a stupid article in-"

"The _Prophet_ ," I muttered irritably. "Yeah, it's come up."

"Well, some fifth years were using that as ammo against Lily."

I frowned, my jaw tightening immediately. "That story is bullshit. No one should believe a word the Prophet writes. _And what fifth years are picking on her_?"

Alice rolled her eyes. "Right, like if I tell you, you wouldn't immediately find a reason to punch them all in the face?"

"They fucking deserve it for picking on someone younger than them!"

"James," she warned. "I tried to help but she ran off before I could make a difference. She could probably use some comforting words from you right about now."

"If she wants comfort, she knows perfectly well not to look my way."

Alice sighed. "Jay, for once could you not be so keen on being one hell of a son of a bitch and consider talking to your sister?"

I frowned. Here's the thing: I actually liked my younger sister. She may have been the most stubborn person in the family with one hell of a fiery temper, but I've always managed to get along with her when I couldn't seem to do the same with the rest of my family. She was a bit of a weakness for me because I really did care about her when I tried so hard not to care about anything.

Sighing, I glanced at Hattie out of the corner of my eye. "Rain check?"

She nodded. "I'll hang around dungeon three for a while if you want to come find me later."

I nodded and kissed her cheek. I chuckled at the clear surprise on her face as I removed my arm from her shoulder and followed Alice up the stairwell. Lily better be really fucking upset because I just gave up a shag session for her.

"Did you just kiss her on the cheek?"

I heard both the surprise and the amusement in her voice. "What's it to you?" I teased.

She shrugged. "I've just never once seen you affectionate in the seventeen years I've known you."

"That wasn't affection. That was an apology for bailing on a nice shag."

She rolled her eyes. "Why don't you just date the girl?"

I snorted. "Code, Ace."

She shot me a look. "And if there wasn't a Code, you'll be all for it?" she smirked.

"Hell no," I was quick to argue, shooting her a curious look. "You and I both know I have no interest in a girlfriend."

She frowned, peeking over at me. "Or have you just convinced yourself you have no interest."

That took me by surprise as I turned to her sharply. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Alice shrugged as we rounded the corner. "I've known you for seventeen years, Jay. I know how you think. And the fact of the matter is, you do everything in your power not to get close to any of these girls."

"Because they're not worth my time," I argued.

"You say that but you've been doing this dance with Hattie for a year now. Doesn't that mean something?"

"It means she's a bloody goddess in bed."

Alice shot me a glare. "Something tells me there's more to it than that."

"Oh, and you would know how? Last I checked, you're not exactly around when I'm shagging these girls. I feel like I would have remembered a spectator."

Her glare only intensified but I expected it. "I know you enjoy being a dick to others, but how about you tone it down for me, alright?"

"I'm not trying to be a dick. Maybe that's just who I am."

"I've known you for seventeen years to know that's not true."

"Stop telling me you've known me for seventeen years," I snapped at her, harsher than I anticipated. "I'm well aware how long we've been friends, but I don't need your commentary on my dating habits right now."

She elbowed me hard. "I would hardly call what you do 'dating.'"

"Right, because you're such a bloody expert on dating. When was the last time you bothered with a boyfriend?"

I knew before the words even finished coming out of my mouth that I had taken it too far which was confirmed when I say the hurt swelling in her eyes. She said nothing which ultimately just made me feel worse.

Alice had this terrible habit of always saying the things I was secretly harboring. I ignored my emotions most of the time and she was keen on exposing them. I knew it was because she wanted to believe that her best friend had the ability to care about something other than himself, Quidditch, and sex, but what she didn't seem to get was that there was nothing else worth caring for. All caring ever did was cause me major disappointment.

"I'm sorry," I murmured, and I meant it. I didn't apologize often, hardly ever, but I did with her when she deserved it.

She snuck a peek towards me and I could still see the frustration in her eyes even though she tried to hide it. "The last time I tried bothering with a boyfriend, you hexed him every day for a week straight," she reminded me.

Guess she hadn't forgotten about that.

"Yeah, and he still stuck with you," I murmured. "Persistent little bugger, wasn't he."

She just rolled her eyes.

"Why did you and Tanner break up anyway?" I questioned curiously.

She seemed surprised by the question, though I couldn't tell if it was because I was asking years after the fact or the answer was unclear. "There wasn't really one reason behind it. We just realized there wasn't a whole lot of romantic chemistry there," she said vaguely.

I had a feeling there was more to it but all I could do was shrug. "Can't say I'm too brokenhearted about that."

Alice bit back a laugh as we ascended the trick stairwell towards the Gryffindor landing. "What are you going to do when I tell you one day that I'm engaged to someone?"

"It'll never get that far, Ace. I'd have slit his throat and tossed him into a ditch never to be heard from again before it gets even close to the engaged stage."

She blinked, glancing at me in slight amusement. "One of these days you're going to listen to me when I tell you to back off the females in your life."

"I won't, but it's cute that you think so," I teased, muttering the password and strolling into the Gryffindor common room. It took me a matter of seconds to spot Lily curled up on a couch in the corner. Hugo was there but he wasn't saying much, and whatever he was saying had Lily clearly snapping at him.

Great. Sulking Lily was quite difficult to deal with.

I wandered over to the couch and gestured to Hugo with a simple nod to scurry off. Without saying anything, he did as I asked.

I took over his seat on the couch, watching as Lily glanced up at me hesitantly. Her eyes were bloodshot and swollen. It was evident she had been crying. If there was one thing I couldn't stand it was a crying girl. "What do you want?" she snapped at me.

This was going to be harder than I thought. "That article is total bullshit, Lily."

She glared at me. "How would you know? You choose not to involve yourself with our parents in any way so you'd be the last person to know what's going on with them."

I frowned. "Because if our parents were splitting up, they would have told us immediately so that we wouldn't have had to deal with hearing about it from a news article," I sighed. "They may be fuck ups in my mind but the one thing we can count on them for is the truth before it hits the stands."

"They're not fuck ups," she argued.

I merely shrugged. Maybe Mum wasn't but she was married to a fuck up so what did that say about her?

"If they aren't splitting up then why isn't Dad wearing his ring in the photo?"

"I don't know," I sighed. "But it's one bloody photo. It means nothing."

Her mouth stretched out into a thin line. "So you don't think Mum is cheating on Dad?"

What the bloody hell did that article say? " _What_?"

She grunted. "Did you even read the article?"

I sighed. "No, I tend to ignore the bullshit the paper prints about our family. You should consider doing the same."

"It's hard to ignore it when there are stories of them every other day."

"Only because the papers think stories about our family will sell," I sighed. "Not because they're necessarily true."

"The ones about you are always true," she fired back.

A very true statement. "Well, it's not exactly difficult to pinpoint me as the womanizing, rambunctious, rebellious Potter of the family when that is, in fact, me," I drawled. "But Mum and Dad splitting up? That's not them."

She opened her mouth to reply, but we were cut off by a voice behind us. "Who knew Mum had it in her to bang her boss."

Lily whirled around to glare at Albus. My mouth dropped open at his implication. "The goddamned _Daily Prophet_ printed a story about our Mum fucking the bloody Editor in Chief of the very same paper?" I roared.

He shrugged, tossing the paper at me. "That is exactly what they printed."

I didn't bother, instead choosing to shred it to pieces. "How the hell did you get in here anyway?" I scoffed.

He shrugged but said nothing, which meant he probably came in with Rose, who I now noticed was joining Harley on the couch on the other side of the room.

"Why would Sanders allow an article slandering him to be printed?" Al asked.

"It doesn't slander him, it slanders Mum," Lily pointed out. "And considering he is the last one to read the draft before it hits stands, doesn't that make this story a rather real possibility?"

"Mum is not sleeping with Sanders," I snapped, though I couldn't be entirely sure that was true. "She pretty much worships the ground that our dear father walks on along with everyone else in this god forsaken world. Why would she give that up for a slimy git whose sole job has been to bring down our family with lies and rumors in every way possible? How many times have we heard Mum complain about her shithead of a boss?"

That actually got the two of them thinking. "Could have been an act," Lily contemplated.

"It's not an act!" I barked, glaring at her. Why was she so determined to believe something that seemed so far-fetched?

"He _is_ a slimy git if he let his own paper spread lies about himself just to sell a fucking story," Albus grumbled irritably.

"Exactly," I sighed, glad that someone was seeing it my way.

Neither said anything but peering down at Lily, I could tell she was still upset. She was desperately trying to hold back the tears and I had a feeling she was going to lose that battle very soon. "I hate never knowing what's true or not about our own goddamned family," she murmured in a hurt whisper and just like I expected, a few silent tears slid down her cheek.

The feeling is mutual, Lily.

And watching her cry only made me hate my parents more.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I'll never know what it feels like not to have my name attached to the biggest celebrity in our world. I'll never know what it's like to not have the name Potter associated with myself. I'll never know what it's like to just be normal. And all I really wanted was to be normal.

I found my way into dungeon three and was thrilled to see that Hattie was still there, crosslegged on the desk with her textbook perched in her lap. Glancing up, she smiled and tossed the book to the side. "How's your sister?"

I shrugged. "Not good considering her mother's a whore apparently."

She shot me a look. "James…"

"Whatever, the article's bullshit," I claimed for the umpteenth time that evening. I joined her on the desk, leaning back on the palms of my hands.

I could feel her gaze on me and I made it a point not to look at her. "Do you actually believe that or are you just trying to make yourself believe it?"

I contemplated the question hesitantly before finally meeting her gaze. "Honestly?" I murmured. "I never know what to believe anymore when it comes to them. She might be fucking her boss, he might be not wearing his wedding band, or it could all very well be made up. But how the hell am I supposed to know because our parents don't fucking tell us anything."

Her hand was on mine almost immediately as she turned to face me. "I was under the impression you preferred to hear from them as little as possible."

I frowned. She had a point there. I did much rather prefer them to just leave me alone. "I do," I muttered. "But Lily doesn't."

She smiled. "You actually care about her, don't you."

I said nothing. Because of course I cared, but no way in hell was I about to admit that aloud. I preferred to act like I didn't give a shit about anything or anyone. I made a better arsehole than I did a nice guy.

She chuckled, reaching up with her free hand and squeezing my shoulder. "You don't have to come off as this tough guy all the time, Potter," she urged with that really cute smile of hers. "I know this may come as a shock to you but underneath all this hatred and anger, there really is a decent guy."

"You take that back!"

She laughed, shoving me playfully with her shoulder. "You're such a jackass."

"But a very cute jackass, right?" I teased, leaning in close to her.

When she turned, our noses were practically touching. Slowly, she nodded. "Yes," she whispered, her lips barely touching mine. "A very cute jackass."

I wasted no time kissing her.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

 _Dear James_ ,

 _I'm assuming you've heard the latest gossip regarding your father and me. Rest assured, we have not split up and I am not seeing anyone but him. As for his wedding band, he doesn't always wear it when he's in combat training for it's scuffed up his wand one too many times during a high-energy duel. I have faith that you, Al, and Lily couldn't possibly believe something as ludicrous as that, but figured it would be best hearing it from me and your father as well._

 _I'm currently suspended from work for a whole month because evidently screaming at your boss and calling him names is inappropriate decorum in the workforce. He probably would have fired me, but he likes the idea of a Potter on his staff way too much to ever do so. But my screaming at him got him to print a retraction so you can look forward to that in today's paper._

 _Anyway, enough about me. How has school been? And Quidditch? You're not punching any more students, are you? As that's the only letter we've received from Hogwarts, I hope that means you're actually trying to stay out of trouble. Perhaps Alice is able to keep you in line more than I thought._

 _Keep an eye on your brother and sister. They need you whether or not you'd like to believe it._

 _Love,_

 _Mum_

If anyone else was reading this letter, they wouldn't be able to tell that my relationship with my mother was slightly strained. She was the only one who ever wrote me, always talking on my father's behalf. I always told myself it was because he was far busier doing Head Auror crap but there was a good chance he had just long given up on me.

While my feelings towards my father were very much well-defined, my relationship with my mother was slightly more complicated. Whereas Dad never seemed to be around except when he was scolding me, she was there. She showed up to every one of my Quidditch matches and showed genuine interest in all aspects of my life which is more than I can say about Dad, so for that, I truly appreciated her. I loved her like a son was supposed to love his mother. A part of me really didn't appreciate the fact that she also kept her kids in the dark about the war, but I always just assumed it was because they were Dad's stories to tell and she didn't want to interfere. So I often gave her a free pass on that treachery. No, the thing that really bothered me about Mum was that she always had some excuse as to why Dad is the way he is around me. _Always_. When he'd tell me he was disappointed in me for my act of daily rebellion, she'd tell me that he was just looking out for my well-being. When he couldn't show up to a Quidditch match, she'd tell me it's because he assumed I didn't want him there. When he berated me for my mediocre grades, she'd tell me he wanted me to have the bright future I deserved. Every time she spoke on his behalf, I wanted to remind her that Dad had saved the entire wizarding world so he should have the guts to speak directly to his son without the use of a spokesperson. I usually ended up keeping that thought to myself, however.

Glancing down at the end of the table, I saw Lily reading a letter, probably a very similar one to mine. Looking up at Hugo eventually, a grin broke out and she slid the letter across the table to her cousin, chattering away about what I can only presume was her gratitude over the paper's lies.

"What did your Mum have to say?" Alice asked from beside me.

I glanced over at her, not surprised that she recognized the owl that had dropped off the letter. "She and Dad are splitting up. She's eloping with Chuck Sanders this weekend."

Alice stared at me for only a half-second before she burst into laughter. "Did you honestly think I'd believe that?"

I grinned, crumpling up the letter and tossing it on to the table. "I probably went too far with it. If I had left it at they were splitting up, you might have believed me."

"You would have had to throw in a few hundred profanities for me to believe that."

"That could be arranged," I teased.

She rolled her eyes. "There are kids around, Jay. Save the profanities for Sadie later at practice."

That sounded like an excellent idea.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

My mother jinxed me. This was all her fault. Had she never asked me if I was above punching students yet, I probably wouldn't have punched Scorpius Malfoy in the fucking face.

Oh, who am I kidding. I definitely would have punched him whether or not my mother jinxed me.

Fred, Dash, and I were wandering off to Transfiguration after lunch when I heard that jackoff's voice call out behind me.

"What did your Mum have to do to get that retraction in the paper?"

With clenched fists, I whirled around to meet his gaze.

"Oh, wait, we all know what she was doing!" he cackled. "Sucking some asshole's dick just to get what she wanted."

"Don't believe everything you read in the papers, Malfoy," I warned, my temper already flaring rather dangerously.

"Then again, it's obvious she's into assholes as she did marry your father."

"Last I checked, your best friend happened to be the son of said asshole," I snapped at him.

"Do you see Al around?" he spoke dryly.

No and thank Merlin for that. "You don't know shit about my family so how about you just leave us the hell alone?" I sneered.

"Please, the entire world knows about your family, Potter," he reminded me. "Because evidently your pathetic, repulsive lives are considered news-worthy. As if your Mum cheating could be considered news. If I was married to your pathetic excuse for a father, I'd be cheating, too."

"You want to talk about pathetic excuses for fathers, Malfoy?" I sneered, my knuckle growing white at my sides. "At least mine wasn't a goddamned Death Eater!"

His eyes narrowed cautiously. "At least my father wasn't the sole reason hundreds of innocent people died."

It was about that time I decided it would be a good idea to punch him.

And who should be the one to break it up but Neville fucking Longbottom.

" _Protego_!" his voice carried through the hallway. The shielding charm had me thrust backwards, knocking my head on the opposite wall. _"_ WHAT DO YOU TWO THINK YOU'RE DOING!?"

I winced, though I couldn't be sure if it was due to the sheer volume of his voice or the sharp pain in the back of my head.

"That wasn't a rhetorical question!" he demanded.

Glancing up, I saw the livid expression on my pseudo-uncle's face. I was dying to tell him to just fucking punish us already so we could go on our merry little way, but I managed to keep these words in my head only. If this was any other professor, I would have gladly said the words and watched as their face turned multiple shades of red but as I had promised Alice I'd be less cheeky around her father, I kept my mouth shut.

"Ask Malfoy," I sneered, glaring at my arch-nemesis.

"You were the one that punched me first!"

"Because you were talking shit about my family!"

"BOYS!" Neville interrupted, glaring at the both of us. "I have broken up way too many fights between you two over the years. It's getting out of hand. When are you ever going to learn that violence is never the answer?"

"This coming from a guy who fought firsthand in the Battle of Hogwarts," I snorted.

Oops. That one was supposed to stay in my head, too.

He frowned, slowly meeting my gaze. "Yeah, and I fought in that battle so that no battles ever had to be fought again. You need to stop acting like you two are on opposite sides of a war. Don't let what I did or what your _father_ did be in vain, James."

Screw that.

I glared up at him. "Yeah, and what about Malfoy's father? I'm pretty sure the war would have been a better place without him!"

"Don't talk about my father, you slimy git!" Scorpius sneered.

I was surprised that Neville didn't immediately shut us both up. He got a rather odd look on his face, his eyes never leaving mine. The awkward tension was growing increasingly uncomfortable until said bluntly, "Draco Malfoy is one of the reasons your father is alive today, James. I wouldn't be so quick to insult him."

I swear you could hear a pin drop in that moment, the shocked silence filling every crevice of the corridor. Shaking my head in pure denial, I merely said, "No, my father is the reason Draco Malfoy is alive today. My dad saved him in that stupid fire."

Something I also didn't know until fairly recently, thanks to Uncle Ron spilling the beans.

"Yes," Neville said, not disagreeing with me. "I suppose they both should be thanking each other for surviving that day."

I wanted to know what Neville was referring to. How Draco saved my father's life when all I've heard about him through the grapevine is that he's a cowardly weasel who had been the leading factor behind Albus Dumbledore's death.

It was Dash who asked the inevitable question. I had even forgot that he and Fred were behind me until I heard his voice. "What did Draco do to save Harry Potter's life?"

Neville looked over my shoulder at my roommate, a curious frown spreading across his features as he once again met my gaze. I knew immediately what he was about to say. "I think it's best if James asks his father that question."

No way in hell was I going to ask my father about that. One, because he'd never give me a straight answer. Two, because I had told myself long ago that I would never ask my father for any details of his war-filled days. And three, because he had been keeping secrets of his involvement in the war from me since I was a kid and I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of knowing how bitter I was over this.

Neville took off twenty points each from our respective Houses and naturally, served us with detention for the following night, but I barely heard him as I once again was fuming at my father for keeping me in the dark. I absolutely hated the fact that people often seemed to know more about him than I did. People who were apparently fascinated by the war and studied the history of it religiously would occasionally strike up the courage to ask me questions. Questions I didn't know the answers to. It was beyond maddening.

"So, are you going to ask him?"

Fred's voice cut through my train of thought. "No," I snorted, shooting my cousin a look. He knew very well how I felt about my father's lack of war stories.

He frowned. "You know that Malfoy is going to ask his father about it just so he has one more thing to shove in your face."

"If he wants a war, he can have a fucking war," I sneered.

"Wasn't that what Professor Longbottom was saying you shouldn't want?" Dash snorted.

I rolled my eyes. "Give me a fucking break. I'm so sick and tired of our parents all going around saying 'we survived the war so you could have a better life, blah blah fuckety blah.' Like it's _our_ fault we had been born twenty years after the war ended?" I snorted, storming off in the direction of Transfiguration before either one of them could retort.

If I had to listen to one more parent or uncle or aunt or professor tell me that we only ever have what we do because of the sacrifices they made during the hardest times of the war, I swear I might actually kill one of them. If they wanted to talk about sacrifices, then they should actually fucking talk about their sacrifices! How was I supposed to appreciate what they've done when they don't actually tell me what it is they've done?

I didn't know why Dad kept me in the dark about the war. But I had stopped questioning it years ago. Right around the time I decided that hating him was easier.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"I heard you punched Malfoy," Rose said, dropping on to the couch beside me that night.

Rolling my eyes, I said, "Yeah, he deserved it."

She met my gaze. "You shouldn't be fighting people."

"So?" I snorted, shrugging dismissively.

"So, you _shouldn't_ be fighting people," she snapped at me.

I rolled my eyes once again. Go find another student to berate with your prefect powers, Rose, because you know I'm not going to listen.

"Too late now," I pointed out with a smirk.

A contemplative look crossed her face before she eventually shrugged. "Oh, well. If you're going to punch people, Malfoy is certainly a worthy option."

I grinned triumphantly, leaning over to ruffle her hair much to her chagrin. "Well look at you being all hypocritical, Miss Prefect."

She rolled her eyes. "You still shouldn't be punching people. Don't forget, you're in an authority role now."

"You sound like Ace."

"I sound like me."

I chuckled. "How much do you wish it was you punching Malfoy?"

"I don't punch people. I can slay anyone with just a few words."

She wasn't wrong about that. "Yes but wouldn't you just love to sock him in the nose just once?"

"I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of ever knowing he could annoy me so much that I'd feel the urge to punch him."

"But you do feel the urge to punch him," I said with my usual cheeky smirk. "Pretty much any time you're around him."

"Yes, but I don't need _him_ to know that."

I chuckled. "Believe me, he knows."

I had asked Rose once why she despised Scorpius Malfoy so much, but she couldn't give me a straight answer. I had a strong suspicion that her dislike towards him had all started when her best friend, my brother, started spending more of his time around the Slytherin than her and Rose hardly appreciated being second best.

"Punching people _again_?"

I winced as Alice came up behind the couch. "I was kinda hoping you wouldn't find out about that," I muttered.

"We've been at school for three weeks and you've already punched two guys in the face. This can't be a trend for you, Jay."

"Neither of those were my fault."

Alice glared at me.

"What? Malfoy totally started it today. Ask anyone."

"You sound like a child."

"He is a child," Rose chimed in.

"Oy, no need for the comments from the peanut gallery," I warned, glancing back up at a glaring Alice. "He was being an ass."

"When is Scorpius Malfoy not being an ass?" she sighed.

She made a good point.

"If you keep punching people, Headmistress McGonagall is going to strip you of your Captain badge," she pointed out. "You do know that, right?"

Considering Neville told me the exact same thing earlier that day, I did know that, yes. "Things would be so much easier if people like Pruitt and Malfoy had never been released from the zoos they came from."

Rose stifled a laugh but Alice continued to glare at me. "James."

That was all she had to do. Say my name in that warning tone of hers knowing I'd cave and ultimately apologize for being a jerk even though we all knew how good at it I was. "Sorry, Ace," I sighed. "He was just being a bloody prick about that stupid retraction this morning and I lost it."

"Learn how not to lose it."

That was a lot easier said than done.

"Why is it that you only ever apologize to Alice for your ridiculous behavior?"

I glanced over at Rose whose eyes were narrowed at me. "One, my behavior is never ridiculous. Two, because she freezes me out if I don't apologize."

"Gee, is that all it takes. Freeze you out and you'll come crawling back with your tail tucked between your legs?"

"Freeze me out all you want, kid," I smirked. "There will be no crawling. Actually, I could use a break from your endless nagging."

She glared at me. "You deserve all the nagging you get, James Potter."

Probably true.

"So," Alice spoke, clearing her throat nervously, "There's a rumor going around school that Dad may have dropped an unexpected war story bomb on you today."

I stiffened, turning to her with a frown. "I'm not asking my dad about it."

"Wait, about what?" Rose interjected, her eyebrow quirking upward.

"Ask your nemesis about it," I sneered, pulling myself off the couch. "I'm sure he's gotten the details from Daddy Dearest by now."

I swiftly pulled myself off the couch and rushed off towards the boys' stairwell. I wasn't surprised to hear soft footsteps following me. With my hand on the doorknob to my bedroom, I glanced over as Alice came up behind me. "Why'd you bring it up?" I sighed.

"Because I know you're probably bottling it all inside that pretty head of yours which is only going to make you explode on the next poor bastard who crosses paths with you and I'm trying to avoid another physical altercation on your record."

I frowned, the frustration from that morning still very much pooling in my every vein. "There's nothing to bottle up," I lied. "It's the same shit I haven't been hearing for years."

"Doesn't mean it's easy to find out another detail of your father's life you weren't already privy to."

"It's fine," I said even though we both knew it wasn't.

She offered me a sad smile. "Oh, Jay," she said, shaking her head with a light chuckle, "When are you going to realize you can't lie to me?"

"When are you going to just let me lie to you without you having to call me out on it?" I sighed.

"Never."

Fuck.

She shrugged impassively. "The way I see it, you can head into that bedroom of yours and spend the rest of the evening stewing over every little word my father spoke to you today until you get so angry you punch Parker in the face the moment he walks in and are then looking at a removal of that Captain badge of yours. Or we can go toss a quaffle around as I know for a fact the pitch is empty right now."

I pretended to weigh my options. "Punching Jessup in the face _does_ have its appeal…"

She tried not to laugh but failed.

"But I suppose spending some quality time with the second best chaser in the school doesn't sound half-bad either."

She glared at me.

"Fine, fine, equally-best chaser."

"You're a prat."

"I know," I said as we ventured back down the stairwell. "But you love me anyway."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"So do you want to know or not?" was how Fred greeted me when I wandered into my room the next night.

I stood in the door, confused. "Er…about what?"

He lifted his head out of his Transfiguration notes to say, "How Malfoy's father saved your father's arse at the Battle of Hogwarts?"

I frowned. Did I want to know? Not particularly. I was perfectly find ignoring everything that had to do with my father. But I also knew that Scorpius would possibly find a way to use this information against me in the future and it was better to know upfront what I might be dealing with.

"How do you know the answer?" I deflected.

"Albus mentioned it to Rose and-"

"I told her to get the information from her nemesis, not mine," I groaned.

"-and she asked her father about it," he explained, ignoring my interruption, "And I happened to be there at breakfast when she got the response."

"Ah," I murmured, shuffling over to my bed and dropping on to the edge of it. "Yeah, alright, just tell me."

He closed his notes and sat up. "Evidently when your father sacrificed himself and surrendered to Voldemort-"

"Tried to sacrifice himself," I corrected in a grumble.

"-it was Scorpius' grandmother who was to confirm to Voldemort whether or not your father was really dead or not. When she checked on him, she asked if Scorpius' father was still in the castle. Your father said yes and so she declared him dead because she knew that was the only way Voldemort would return to the castle so she could find her son."

I gaped at him. "So basically his family is made up of a bunch of cowards?"

Fred shrugged. "That's one way of looking at it."

I rolled my eyes. "That doesn't paint Malfoy's father in a good light whatsoever," I spoke, slightly gleeful at that thought. Maybe he wouldn't be bringing it up in future arguments after all.

"No, but it certainly paints your father in one," he smirked.

"I wouldn't say that. He was just going along with Malfoy's grandmother's big scheme."

"Yes, right after he _sacrificed himself for the good of the war_."

I glared at him. " _Tried to_ ," I huffed. "And are you looking to get on my bad side today?"

He chuckled and reopened his Transfiguration notes. "Any chance you know when animal transfiguration is supposed to come in handy?"

"You're asking me?" I snorted, leaning back against my pillow with a yawn.

"I thought you finished this essay after lunch today."

"I did but that doesn't mean half of it wasn't completely made up."

Fred rolled his eyes. "You're unbelievable."

"Thanks," I smirked. "I get that a lot."

I didn't even see the pillow coming until it smacked me square in the head.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

 **A/N:** Long chapter! And a fun one. We get a party, we get James punching people, and we get more insight into James' resentment towards his family. More of all of that to come.

Up next: first Hogsmeade trip of the year!


	6. Have a Little Fun

**A/N:** Thank you all for those who have reviewed - your comments are what keeps me going. Now on to chapter 6.

* * *

 **A WAY WITH WORDS**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 6: Have a Little Fun

* * *

" _Life is a journey, life is a miracle  
_ _Life can be perfect, life can be wonderful  
_ _A celebration, life is amazing  
_ _So dance and love  
_ _And have a little, have a little, have a little fun."  
_ -Jasper Sawyer

* * *

I overheard my brother and Scorpius talking in the hallway early the next morning and had every intention of turning around and walking the other way but stopped when I heard my name mentioned.

"Heard you were fighting with James again," my brother spoke to his so-called best friend.

I heard Scorpius grunt irritably. "Your brother is a fucking douchebag."

"I'm aware of that," Albus agreed and I told him to fuck off in my head. "I sometimes wonder how I'm possibly related to him. But I'm also related to the very people you decided to take a swing at during your fight."

Silence followed. It went on for far longer than I was patient for before Scorpius spoke. "Your brother makes it so easy to insult your family," he muttered. "He gets so bloody worked up which is ironic considering he always claims he doesn't give a shit about them."

"Yeah, well, he'll jump at any reason to fly off the handle," Albus snorted.

I told him for a second time in my head to fuck off.

"Besides, it's not like he didn't get a dig in about my family," Scorpius huffed.

"Right, and I'm sure you didn't provoke him at all."

"Okay, seriously, I don't like when you defend him," he groaned.

Albus chuckled. "I'm not defending him. I'm defending my parents."

Scorpius sighed. "I shouldn't have said it, okay? I'm sorry."

"I know you are," Albus said dismissively. "But the next time you want to go after my brother, I'd suggest just insulting his terrible habits with women. Or even better, remind him that he lost in last year's Quidditch finals. That's a surefire way to get him riled up."

Scorpius let out a barking laugh. "Sounds like a plan."

I didn't bother sticking around to hear anything more. There was no need or I might just have punched Scorpius in the face again.

And probably my brother, too.

* * *

I managed to keep my fists to myself over the next couple of weeks. I also happened to skip a few more classes and earned myself further scolding from Alice, though I just flashed her my trademark grin and she got over it. I had actually managed to avoid detention for the most part (except for the occasional one earned from talking back to the professors but I'd never be able to stop doing that) and instead focused most of my time on Quidditch. The team was getting better but I was happy we still had another month before our first match as CJ, Alice, and I were still learning how to work seamlessly together. CJ was better at his aim than I had anticipated so that elated me but he was still new to the collaboration aspect of the chaser position so Alice, CJ, and I spent a lot of time on the pitch working together. I had confidence that we had a strong chance of winning our match against Ravenclaw.

"CJ's left turns are still shaky," Alice was saying to me as the two of us huddled around my playbook one early morning before practice. "We should consider working on conditioning drills aimed towards his left in practice today. Build up his left arm muscle more."

"Flying Vs or rounded loops?" I questioned.

"You're the Captain. It's your call."

"Yes, but you have this habit of always being right so help a Captain out a bit, won't you?" I teased.

She poked me in the side with the end of her broom. "Start with the loops," she spoke. "It'll cause CJ to lean heavily on his left. Then move to the flying V formations so he can work more on his aim."

"Noted," I said, scribbling a few things down in the margins. "Remember when we used to make up strategy names when we were kids?"

"You'd always hear the Captains and the coaches calling out strange names during matches and you wanted to be just like them," she teased.

"And am I not the Captain of this team now?" I boasted.

She rolled her eyes. "And that hasn't gone to your head whatsoever."

I grinned and flipped towards the front of my playbook, reminiscing on the first year Alice and I played together on the Gryffindor team. "I hope one day I can bring these plays to a professional team," I commented aloud.

She sat back on the bench with a curious smile. "I know you will," she countered. "You are made for this game, Jay."

"As are you," I tossed right back. "I know I like to steal the spotlight quite a bit on the pitch, even I'm big enough to admit that, but that doesn't make you any less of a player. You know this game just as much as I do and you are one of the best chasers in this school."

I could see a light hue of pink creep on to her cheeks. "You want my honest opinion?"

"Always."

She propped her broom up and leaned against it. "I think the reason I'm good at this game has a lot to do with you," she said with a shrug. "We play well together. Always have. We're one of the better chaser duos in the school because we know what we're thinking on the pitch without having to call it out. I'm a better chaser when I'm with you."

I considered her words before slowly shaking my head. "But that's not what makes you a great chaser, Ace," I argued. "We both bring greatness to the table individually. You would still be unstoppable without me."

She shrugged. "Yeah, but I'd rather not have to put that theory to the test if I don't have to," she said with a teasing grin. "At least not while at Hogwarts."

"Damn straight," I teased, tickling her nose with the end of the quill. "In the pros, however, that theory will have to be put to the test."

There was a flicker of uncertainty in her eyes that had me questioning what she was thinking, but she just shook her head and said, "We have a whole year to figure all that out."

Nine months actually but before I could correct her, the door opened and in wandered CJ and Hugo.

"Well then," I said to her instead as I shut my playbook and stood up off the bench, "For now let's just focus on flying Vs and rounded loops."

She grinned. "To quote someone I know, _damn straight_."

* * *

"Guess what I heard through the grapevine?" Fred greeted me as he dropped on to the common room couch beside me later that very evening.

"I hope it's how Brooks Pruitt took a shameful nose-dive in practice today and hit the ground so hard, he won't be cleared for the match in time."

Fred's eyebrow slowly peaked upward. "The match is over a month away."

"So that's a no then?"

He chuckled as he outstretched his legs on the table in front of him. "Nah," he dissuaded, "But there's a Hogsmeade trip this weekend."

I just shrugged. When sneaking out to Hogsmeade was a frequent occurrence, an actual approved Hogsmeade trip no longer had the same appeal. "And what girl are you planning on taking this time?"

"Dunno," he mused with a shrug. "Maybe no one."

My eyebrows shot up as I turned towards my cousin. Bringing a date to Hogsmeade and then ditching them that same night was one of Fred's favorite hobbies. Me, I didn't bother bringing a date at all. Might give them the wrong idea. "That's a joke, right?" I said.

He shrugged again. "I've been through most of them already."

The sad part was, he had. I've been known to be a bit of a womanizer but my reputation was not nearly as infamous as Fred's was. He's probably shagged most of the school by now. I had several reasons for not wanting to involve myself in a relationship (they distract me from Quidditch, I don't want to end up anything like my parents, I hated the very idea of showing any insecurity to anyone, and the list goes on), but Fred had no reasons. He just didn't like being tied down. He never understood the appeal of shagging the same girl over and over again and having to pretend to actually care about the things they liked. It was probably a slightly selfish way of thinking but it was better than pretending to care about someone when he didn't.

"You could try your hand at Violet Decker again," I teased.

"I think she's coming around," Fred joked right back. "Last time I tried to talk to her, she only slapped me once."

"Oh, yeah, that just screams out 'date me, Fred,'" I smirked.

"Better than the time she slapped me, kicked me, punched me, and hexed me all at once."

"You said you liked her dress and then you told her you'd like it much better on the floor of your bedroom," I said. "What did you expect?"

"For her to take her dress off. Was that not clear?"

As I laughed, a new presence appeared by our side. "I only heard the tail-end of that conversation and already I want no part of it."

Alice dropped on to the couch beside Fred with a shake of the head.

"Violet Decker," I explained.

She grinned slyly. "She told Rudy that Fred might actually be wearing on her," she chuckled.

Fred sat upright, his eyes eager with glee. "I _knew_ she was coming around!"

"She said you might be wearing on her like a patch of fungus to a tree," Alice smirked. "I don't think it was a compliment."

"Hey, I'll take what I can get from her," he teased.

"You might want to have a girl on backup in case she falls through," she retorted.

Fred shrugged, glancing around the room carefully. "Any chance Harley Duncan and that boyfriend of hers are on the outs?"

"Still solid as a rock," Alice sighed.

"Damn."

"You're a pig."

"I'm aware."

"Besides, Harley doesn't play Quidditch," I pointed out with a jesting grin.

"Yes, true, but I'd make an exception with her seeing as the girl is fine as hell," Fred smirked earning another sigh from Alice.

Chuckling, I turned towards the brunette and said, "Might just be you and me for Hogsmeade this time around. What are you thinking? Hang out at Three Broomsticks and chuck chips at Fred and his date? Hang out at the Weasley joke shop and see if we can weasel some free merchandise out of Uncle George? Or we could-"

"I can't," Alice murmured, her cheeks turning a faint shade of pink.

My eyebrow shot up. "And why not?"

She shot me a skeptical look. "Because," she spoke vaguely.

Fred snorted and I grunted at Alice, my eyes narrowing knowingly. "And does 'because' have a name?"

"No."

" _Ace_."

She made a face. "If I tell you, you're just going to go after him."

"Yes."

She glared at me. "Could you at least pretend not to be a total prat all of the time?"

"Why would I do a thing like that when I'm incredibly skilled at being a prat?"

" _James_."

" _Ace_."

"I'm not telling you."

"I'll find out eventually."

"Until then, my date will be hex-free."

I shuddered. "For the record, I don't like this at all."

"For the record, I don't care."

"For the record, that hurts."

"For the record, I don't care."

"You said that already."

"Clearly it needed to be said twice for you to get it."

Fred finally chimed in. "I swear sometimes you two act like an old married couple."

That was not the first time we had heard that. Probably wouldn't be the last either.

"We're arguing about Ace's date for Hogsmeade. I think we all know that my wife would never step out on me," I argued huffily.

Alice snorted. "Like you'll ever actually get a wife."

She made an excellent point.

And we've officially switched the topic off of Alice's date.

Damn, she was good.

* * *

"Please just tell me it's not that asswipe Tanner," I groaned as Alice and I ventured into Potions later that week.

"He's not an asswipe," she sighed, "And no, it's not him."

I glanced around the room for ideas. "It's a seventh year, right? It's got to be. You don't seem like the type to date down in age."

"Oh, and what type am I exactly?" she spoke brusquely as we took our seats at our usual table. Fred had been smart to drop Potions back in sixth year. Or a better way of putting it was that he wasn't smart enough to get an E in order to continue. Though I had the feeling he didn't rightly care. He was going into business with his father after graduation so classes did not seem to be a priority for him.

"The type not to date at all," I said with a hopeful grin.

She glared at me. "I wonder how Professor Gables would feel if I hit you upside the head with my cauldron right now."

"Promoting violence, Head Girl?" I said, clicking my tongue disapprovingly. "How very unlike you."

"Yeah, well, you have that effect on people."

"I think I might take that as a compliment."

"In what world is that a compliment?" she sighed.

"In my world," I responded with a shrug. "The only world that matters, really."

She groaned. "I should have seen that one coming."

"Please tell me it isn't Jessup," I muttered as my prefect roommate wandered through the door.

She shot me what I could only describe as an annoyed look. "While I do not believe he is nearly as bad as you lot think he is, the guy does have a stick so far up his arse, it is poking his lungs. I would never agree to a date with him."

"Just making sure," I retaliated with a satisfied grin. My grin slowly faded. "I'm going to figure this out, y'know."

"It's been three days and you haven't yet. I like my chances."

I could only let out a low growl, displeasure settling into my expression. I wasn't the type of person who needed to know every piece of business regarding my friends, but—no, wait, I totally do. At least regarding my female friends. I was supposed to vet out the opposite sex (read: hex the opposite sex) to ensure that these guys were good enough (read: they aren't), but how was I supposed to do that without all of the information?

"Let it go, Jay," she said with a chuckle, lowering her voice as Professor Gables began class. "Not everything I do has to be your business."

It's like she was reading my mind. Which shouldn't have surprised me since she's been doing it for years.

I still haven't decided if I liked that or not.

* * *

"Well if it isn't James Potter," a familiar voice spoke from the shadows. "I was hoping to run into you."

I stopped short of crying out as I whirled around. I smiled as Bristol Dickerson, our insider prefect informant, slid out behind the tapestry and made her way over to me. "Hey, B," I greeted.

"You busy right now?"

That was code for 'I have some information if you're willing to snog me in a nearby closet for the next twenty minutes.'

I had been on my way to dinner but a pit stop wasn't completely out of the question. "Depends what you got," I said.

She smirked as she closed the gap between us. "Rumor is you've been asking around about Alice's date this Saturday."

I perked up immediately. "You got something for me?"

"I got _the_ something for you."

I knew there was a reason I kept Bristol Dickerson around. "Who?"

Her smirk grew. "Get this," she said, her eyes lighting up, "It's with Rudy Frankel."

 _The Head Boy_?

How cliché.

"You have got to be kidding me."

She shook her head. "I kid you not."

I tried to consider the good qualities that Rudy Frankel had and came up completely blank.

Yeah, I was definitely going to kick his arse.

I would have loved to take a rain check on the snog session but her information was pure gold so we spent the next thirty minutes in an empty classroom around the corner getting frisky. I had never shagged her as I felt offering sex in exchange for information was too sleazy and crooked for my taste. I did have some morals. Not many. But some.

When I slid into the Gryffindor table at the tail end of dinner, I was pleased to see that Alice was still there chatting with Fred and Jax.

"Where have you been?" she greeted. "You were supposed to meet us a half hour ago."

"Lost track of time," I lied, shoveling a biscuit in my mouth as I loaded my plate up with roast beef and mashed potatoes.

She rolled her eyes. "Which basically means you were with a girl."

"I don't know what you mean," I said with a dismissive shrug. "And I'm not the one on trial here."

The two boys exchanged a curious glance as Alice rolled her eyes. "Oh, does that mean one of us is?"

" _Rudy Frankel_ , Ace?"

She grimaced as Fred and Jax exchanged another look. "Oh, hell," she muttered. "How did you find out?"

"Not important," I said dismissively. "You can't go out with him."

She rolled her eyes. "Oh, this should be good," she grunted. "Why can't I go out with him?"

"Uh, because he's a Hufflepuff."

When I said nothing more, she sighed. "So?"

"I thought that was explanation enough."

She glared at me.

"No?" I said sheepishly. "Fine, the whole being a Hufflepuff thing aside, just remember that his name is Rudy."

She blinked. "So?"

"Rudy, Ace. _His name is Rudy_."

"I feel like a broken record by saying _so_?"

"You can't go out with a guy whose name is Rudy!"

By this time, Fred and Jax were unable to contain their laughter anymore and it was so distracting that Alice didn't know whether to glare at me or them. She managed to glare at all three of us which was a fairly impressive accomplishment. "I'm sorry that you're more inclined to shagging whatever girl happens to be in your peripheral vision at the time, but some of us actually appreciate the concept of dating, you total Neanderthal."

She thinks she just insulted me but really, she was just stating a fact.

Except for the Neanderthal part. That was slightly insulting.

"Go ahead and date him all you want," I said with a shrug, "Just know I'll be hexing him every time he passes me by."

She glared at me. "You keep your wand away from him, Potter."

She and I both knew I wouldn't.

"That's like asking James to stay off a broom," Fred chimed in.

"Oy, this is directed at you, too, Weasley," Alice said, swiveling her head in his direction with a death stare. She had really perfected that look over the years. I took an odd sense of pride from that.

Fred merely grinned. "I do not know what you're talking about."

"I feel like I don't say this enough," Alice sighed, "But you two are positively insufferable."

She said it all the time but that didn't want me to change my insufferable ways. I was too good at it to give it up now.

"And yet you still hang out with them," Jax commented.

"Because as insufferable as we are, we're also awesome beyond words," I was quick to argue, puffing out my chest.

Not all that surprising, Alice chucked her scone at my chest, her usual glare etched into her expression. I just flashed her a grin.

"You'll never guess who just walked in," Fred smirked, staring off towards the arched entrance.

Glancing towards the entrance, I jumped up almost immediately while ignoring Alice's protests. "FRANKEL! YOU'RE A DEAD MAN!"

The Head Boy glanced up, took one look at me, and then ran off.

I raced off after him.

Fred was right on my heels.

Alice was yelling at us to find another hobby.

Jax just laughed.

You can't say it's ever boring around here.

* * *

It had been a particularly grueling Quidditch practice that Friday evening. What had started out as a tepid day with sparse clouds in the sky ended up bringing on an unexpected storm of torrential rain right in the middle of practice. I didn't honestly hate it because I always believed it was better to practice in all sorts of weather in preparation for any possible weather patterns the day of an actual match, but after the second hour of it not letting up, even I was ready to call it quits.

The upside to the rainstorm was that I learned CJ dealt well with curveballs. The storm didn't deter him or slow him down in any way. It didn't make him better but it didn't make him worse. I decided to check that off as a win.

Sadie had already headed back to the common room on her own, but the rest of us wandered through the portrait together, hair still wet from our hot showers and laughing as Fred did an impeccable impression of Jax toppling off his broom at the sound of a thundercloud.

"Laugh it up, but it startled you, too," Jax drawled with the roll of his eyes.

"Yeah, but I managed to stay on my broom," Fred teased, elbowing his teammate in jest.

"I managed to stay on," he fired back. "Just, uh, not very gracefully."

That sent us into another stretch of laughter as we all instinctively scanned the room. It was more packed than I could ever remember, friends chatting animatedly, chess matches being played, schoolwork abandoned.

"Is it me or is it incredibly crowded in here?" Cass questioned.

"It's the night before a Hogsmeade trip," Alice responded. "People always tend to spend those in the common room chatting about what their plans are going to be and what they're going to wear and who they're going with."

"Wait, there are people who actually plan what they're going to wear?" Fred said with a jesting grin.

"Yes, it's amazing how some people like to live in clean clothes," she joked right back.

He rolled his eyes but couldn't comment as we were then interrupted by Lily. "I see you've all survived the thunderstorm," she greeted.

"It'll take more than a little rain to keep us off the pitch," I explained.

"A little rain?" she snorted. "It's a monsoon out there, James. That is not what we'd refer to as _'a little rain_.'"

"Whatever it was, it didn't stop us from practicing."

"Yeah, we have the wet workout clothes to prove it," Cass muttered.

And Cass had just happened to wear a tight white shirt that day to practice.

I'm actually surprised I was able to concentrate on practice at all.

"What have you guys been up to?" CJ asked my sister. That had me narrowing my eyes at him. How dare he talk directly to her without asking my permission.

"This is pretty much it," she snorted, gesturing around the room. "A whole lot of nothing. Dash tried to get a poker tournament going but Rose shut him down fast."

"Ooh, that sounds like a superb idea!" I said and Fred's eyes lit up like mine.

"We are not teaching younger students how to gamble," Alice sighed.

"You sound just like Rose," Lily groaned.

"Good to know someone in your family received some intellect genes," Alice smirked.

"I think she just called us unintelligent, Freddo," I sighed.

"I think she did, Jameso."

"What are we going to do about that, Freddo?"

"Beat her in poker and take all of her money?"

I grinned. "An excellent plan indeed."

"You forget that you two taught me how to play poker," Alice reminded us. "And that I'm quite good."

I smirked, turning to her with wiggled eyebrows. "Is that a challenge?"

She rolled her eyes. "Alright, fine, you're on, but we're playing in your room so as not to encourage gambling to the younger crowd."

"If this is just a ploy to get me up to my room and seduce me, it might be working," I smirked.

That earned me a slap to the head.

* * *

"How in Merlin's name is AliCat taking all of our money?" Jax groaned for what must have been the hundredth time that night. Alice had enlarged my bedside table and levitated it to the middle of the room and we all crowded around it on the various beds. Dash had lost all of his money first and was currently just watching from the comfort of his own bed. Shayne was thankfully nowhere to be seen but beside him was Rose. Harley and her boyfriend Jett (also Jax's roommate) had taken occupancy of Parker's bed (who also was thankfully nowhere to be seen) while Jax and Fred were on Fred's bed. That left me and Alice on mine which was perfectly fine, normal even, except she kept elbowing me in the side and I kept shoving her shoulder and it was annoying the others.

"I taught her everything she knows," I teased, flashing Alice a grin as I tossed a pillow at her.

"Says the guy who lost the past two rounds," Alice pointed out, tossing the pillow right back.

Oh, right.

"Don't worry. I feel a comeback coming on," I boasted, poking her in the shoulder.

"And that's officially the third time you've said that tonight to which no comeback has occurred," she snorted, poking me in the side.

"The married couple is fighting again," Dash whined, which earned him a glare from both Alice and myself.

Harley was smart to change the subject. "So what are everyone's plans for tomorrow?"

"Shayne's dragging me to Puddifoot's," Dash muttered, earning a chorus of groans from the men in the room.

"That is precisely why I don't date," I snorted.

"That and you're as immature as a five-year-old," Rose drawled.

"Whoa, you have it all wrong. I'm at least as mature as an eight-year-old," I shot back which earned me a roomful of groans.

"He says so proudly," Rose sighed.

I moved the subject away from my maturity, or should I say immaturity, level. "And what are your plans tomorrow, Rosie? And don't you dare say you're going with a guy."

She rolled her eyes. "If I was, I certainly wouldn't tell _you_ about it," she drawled.

"What guy would ask her out? They're all scared of her," Fred teased.

"Fred,"Alice groaned but Rose merely smirked and said, "Just the way I like it."

"Okay, so no guy," I summed up. "You just going with your usual crowd then?"

She nodded. "Yep, just me, Harley, Jett, Albus, and Kat."

Sounded like no fun at all.

"Ah, nothing like being a fifth wheel," Fred snickered.

Rose shrugged. She had to be used to being the fifth wheel by now seeing as her two best friends had been off the market for a year now. I can't imagine she enjoyed it much but she was certainly used to it.

"And what braindead ditz are you taking into Hogsmeade this time, Fred?" Rose retaliated.

"Why do we hang out with her again?" Fred questioned, looking at me.

A very good question indeed.

"Beats me" was my response.

Rolling his eyes, he turned back to our cousin and answered her question. "I'm taking Bristol."

Bristol Dickerson was always Fred's backup if he couldn't be bothered to find someone else to go with. Unlike myself who had never shagged her, I think it was safe to say that Fred had. Many times probably. Which was interesting seeing as the girl didn't have an ounce of Quidditch talent inside of her.

"That girl is a prefect. Isn't she supposed to be smart?" Rose sighed.

"Seriously, why do we hang out with her?" Fred groaned.

"It's Jax's fault," I said with a snicker and Jax rolled his eyes at me. "He invited Jett up here who then invited Harley who ultimately invited Rose."

"Believe me, this wasn't on my top ten list of things I wanted to do tonight," Rose drawled.

"Nah, you love us, kid," I teased, tossing a pillow at her.

I ducked as it came soaring back at me. "Not when you call me 'kid,' I don't," she huffed. "And exactly what are _your_ plans for tomorrow seeing as all of your friends are coupling off tomorrow?"

This is precisely why I hated it when Alice thought it was okay to go on a date with someone. Because that left little old me all on my own.

"Who says Ace is coupling off? I have a hunch that Mr. Head Boy may be spending tomorrow in the hospital wing."

" _Jay_ ," she groaned, elbowing me in the stomach.

I winced. That one actually hurt.

"You already stuck his tongue to the roof of his mouth and glued his legs together," she sighed. "Don't you think you've done enough?"

"Clearly not if he's still interested in taking you out."

" _Jay_."

Yeah, she did not sound happy.

"Maybe I'll just tie you to your headboard tonight and you won't be able to venture into Hogsmeade tomorrow at all," she sighed.

"That sounds kinky," Fred smirked.

Both Alice and I rolled our eyes in unison as Rose chimed in. "You never actually answered the question, James. Who are you going with?"

I shrugged. "I somehow convinced Hattie it was in her best interest to hang out with me all day tomorrow."

I was expecting some surprise. I was not expecting a room full of raised eyebrows and wide-open mouths as they all gaped at me.

"Did I hear that right?" Alice mused. " _You're_ taking a girl on a date?"

"No," I responded almost immediately, "I can't date her, remember? The Code?"

"And yet you're going out with her," Fred spoke in surprise.

"I'm not going out with her!" I groaned. "Well, I mean, I'm going _with_ her. But not going _out_ with her. Going out implies it's a date. Which it isn't. We're just two friends hanging out."

More stunned silence.

I wasn't even aware they could be quiet for this long.

"You and Hattie Wilkes can hardly be classified as _friends_ ," Rose finally spoke.

It was unfortunately a good point. I had first noticed Hattie in my fourth year when she had made the Quidditch team but I didn't really ever talk to her until fifth year when we had been paired up together in Potions. I had made a critical mistake in the potion-making and it unfortunately ended up with our mediocre potion exploding all over us. She told me I was incompetent and then refused to speak to me for months after that, which I found oddly alluring seeing as I wasn't used to being ignored. I ruffled her feathers a bit for the rest of the year, egging her on a bit too much, and she found many ways to insult me. We separated for the summer holidays and the next time we spoke was in September of our sixth at the Quidditch kick-off party. I could blame the alcohol for what transpired later in the dungeons between us but the truth was, I had held some serious attraction towards her for a while, possibly because she was one of the few girls who hadn't immediately fawned over me. I thought that would have been it. One shag and we'd never speak of it again. But she and I crossed paths a few weeks later in the hallway and found ourselves in a nearby storage closet. As they say, the rest is history.

Long story short, we were never friends. We were enemies on the field and then became enemies in class and in the hallways and then went straight to shagmates.

"Well, Freddo and Ace are ditching me so I had little option left," I said with a shrug.

"Why not just go with Jax?" Rose questioned, glancing over at Jax.

"Jax is going with Laikyn," I responded, referring to another sixth-year Gryffindor who roomed with Rose and Harley.

Rose's eyebrows shot up as she looked at Jax in surprise, who was grinning sheepishly. "Seriously?"

Jax shrugged. "Seriously."

"I didn't even know you liked her."

"Well, I do," he said with a chuckle.

Rose shrugged, glancing towards Harley. "Did you know about this?"

"No, but why does it matter?"

"Because Laikyn is a brainless self-absorbed princess, that's why, and here I thought Jackson had taste. Evidently not."

Jax opened his mouth to protest but Harley beat him to it. "Oh, she is not a princess. Just because she spends a little more time in the morning on her hair and makeup doesn't make her a princess. It just means she cares about her appearance."

"Yeah, you might want to try it sometime, Weasley," Jax ssnapped at Rose.

Oh, no, he didn't.

Rose glared at him before picking herself off the bed and storming out.

We all turned to Jax who sighed and said, "Maybe I should have kept that thought to myself."

* * *

I'm not entirely sure how I managed to convince Hattie to join me in Hogsmeade but there she was walking towards me in a low-cut white ribbed sweater, black jeans, and a pair of sexy black boots. Her blonde hair was thrown into a ponytail and I could even see a faint trace of lip gloss on her lips. She smiled as she made her way towards me.

"I told all of Slytherin that James Potter asked me out on a date" is how she greeted me. "I think they're all still back in the common room laughing."

I rolled my eyes. "Not a date."

She laughed. "I know, but I wasn't about to waste the opportunity to mock you."

"Ah, there's that Slytherin in you," I teased.

"I got an earful from your brother," she said with a shrug, "Reminding me all about the Code."

"He should know I would never even remotely consider breaking the Code."

She nodded. "I told him if he knew you at all, he should know you'd never break it. On a side note, if he knew you at all, he should also know you don't date. Ever."

It was sad that a girl I only ever started really talking to two years ago knew me better than my own brother. "And what did he say to that?"

She smirked. "He's under the impression you're trying to mess with my head."

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, he really doesn't know me at all, does he?"

She cocked her head to the side. "So this isn't some ploy to get me to suddenly fall in love with you where you'll then leave me completely heartbroken, so much that Quidditch is the last thing I'd want to deal with?"

My eyebrow shot up into my forehead. "Is that what you think?"

She chuckled before shaking her head. "We've been having our fun for a year now and neither one of us have fallen for the other. So I think we're safe on that front," she teased.

"I feel like I should be taking offense to that," I contemplated. "I mean, I _am_ a highly loveable guy."

"Really? That's news to me."

I pouted as she laughed at me. It's a good thing I really liked her laugh or I might have actually felt offended.

"Can I ask you something?" I prodded.

"I'm going to blow by the obvious response of 'you just did' and just say what about?"

"Why did you say yes?"

Her eyebrow popped into her forehead. "Are you questioning my decision to hang out with you today?"

"No, because it's a damned fine decision to make," I teased. "But it's not like you and I spend a lot of time together where-"

"Our clothes remain on?" she finished with a smirk.

I like how she and I both lacked the tact gene.

"Exactly," I laughed.

She shrugged. "Maybe I'm interested in getting to know the guy I've been shagging for a year. Or maybe it's fun to watch the rest of the school attempt to figure out what the hell it is we're doing with each other. Or maybe I'm the one messing with your head in a ploy to get you to fall madly in love with me so I can then leave you completely heartbroken."

Slowly, I rose my eyebrow at her.

She grinned sheepishly. "Or maybe my two friends are on dates right now and I had no other option."

Bingo.

I couldn't help but laugh. "So basically we're going with each other so as not to look like pathetic losers who have no friends."

"Pretty much, yeah."

"C'mon, unpathetic non-loser, let's head into the village," I chuckled, poking her in the ribs before linking my arm with her. "But first, what are your thoughts on hexing the Head Boy until he cries?"

* * *

The air was crisp that Saturday but the sun was beating down without a cloud in the sky giving off the illusion that it was warmer than it was. I had rolled up my sleeves halfway into Hogsmeade as Hattie and I chatted about our future plans. To my surprise, she was interested in going into Healing.

"Don't think I have to ask you what you want to do," Hattie teased.

"I want to be an Auror like my dad," I said.

She turned to me with a quirked eyebrow before we both burst into laughter. "I might have believed that if you actually bothered with your schoolwork," she said in between laughs. "Or if I didn't know that being associated with your father is a bit of a sore spot for you."

I only shrugged. Hattie didn't know much about my relationship with my father as the two of us didn't spend a lot of time talking about our personal lives but it didn't take a genius to see that my relationship with my father was strained at best. "Yeah, alright, you caught me. I want to play Quidditch."

She nodded. "I figured as much. Any team in particular you're interested in?"

"Any that will have me?" I teased.

"All of them will want you, James," she said truthfully. "Your chasing skills are leaps and bounds above the rest of us. I consider myself a decent chaser but you're not just decent. You're the best chaser in the school."

Ah, it never gets tiresome listening to others brag about me.

"I knew I kept you around for a reason," I teased, draping my arm around her shoulder with a grin. "I grew up a Cannons fan and now that they actually have a decent team, it'd be an absolute dream to play for them. I suppose that would be my ultimate goal."

"Ah, James Potter, the Cannons player," she said, smiling at me. "Has a nice ring to it."

I couldn't help but agree.

Our conversation was interrupted by the most unfortunate of souls. My brother.

"You two are looking mighty cozy," he said, his own arm wrapped around Kat's shoulders.

"Go away, Al," I sighed, not even remotely in the mood to deal with him.

"Fraternizing with the enemy?" Kat said to Hattie curiously. "You sure that's wise?"

Hattie shrugged. "You two don't dictate what I do."

"I'm your Quidditch Captain," Al pointed out.

"So you have the authority to dictate what I do on the field, not off."

"Just don't do anything stupid," he sighed before grabbing Kat's hand and rushing off. Rose offered me a smirk before she followed with Harley and Jett.

"I have to say, I am incredibly thankful that those two are not my fellow teammates. I think I'd go crazy," I muttered irritably.

She shrugged. "They're not so bad when they're not power-tripping."

I didn't believe her but I decided to change the subject. "So what makes you want to go into Healing?"

As she talked about her grandmother who had been an expert in her field of medicine, we continued our trek into the village. We stopped by Honeyduke's before making our way to Uncle George's joke shop. He had finally bought out Zonko's, who was more than happy to retire, and brought on Uncle Ron to help with his joke shop franchise a few years back. I always thought it was hilarious that Uncle Ron went from being a prominent Auror to managing a joke shop but he seemed happier now than he used to when he spent most nights still in the office, so it was apparently a good move.

"James!" was how I was immediately greeted as the bell tolled over the door.

I grinned as Uncle George made his way over to me and clapped me on the back. "Word on the street is you and that son of mine have been hassling a boy my daughter has shown interest in," he said with a smirk. "And to that I say, good lad."

Hattie let out a groan beside me as I only laughed. I decided not to tell him that Fred and I hassled a boy not because he was showing interested in his daughter but because said daughter had been found in a broom cupboard with said boy. No need to emotionally traumatize him.

"Did word on the street inform you that that boy is now a reserve on the Ravenclaw team?" I asked.

George looked at me in slight horror. "Hell, that means they'll be spending even more time together. Why can't any of the girls in our family hold off on dating until they're at least thirty? No, forty. Even better, when all of the fathers are dead."

"Molly's single," I teased.

He shook his head. "Nope, been dating a guy she works with for the past five weeks."

"And here I thought only boring guys worked in the field of law."

"Haven't met the guy yet so I can't say for sure. Molly is smart enough to refuse to bring him around for our extended family dinners."

Ah, the once a month dinners that Grandmum insists on still having even though more than half of the cousins attended Hogwarts. I suppose that gave her more time to catch up with her own kids.

"So I have to say, James, in all the years you've been coming to this shop on Hogsmeade weekends, I don't think I've ever seen you bring a girl," he said, smiling at Hattie.

"I bring Ace all the time."

He shot me a look. "Not what I meant."

I chuckled, nodding towards Hattie. "This is Hattie. We're just friends."

Uncle George's eyes lit up far too much for my liking. "Ah, as in Hattie Wilkes? My son has mentioned you a few times in his obligatory letters home."

Hattie was wise to look as if she didn't like that. I could only imagine what Fred was telling his father about me and Hattie. "That doesn't sound promising," she spoke.

"Nah, all good things," he chuckled, though I could have sworn there was a maniacal twist to his laugh. "Ah, speak of the devil!"

I turned around as Fred came up behind me with Bristol on his heels. "Why am I not at all surprised to see you two here?" Fred chuckled, weaving past me to embrace his dad. "Hey, Dad!"

"Hiya, son," he greeted. He nodded at Bristol. "Bristol, right? It's lovely to see you again."

"You, too," she said with a smile. "It's really packed in here today."

"I do love a good Hogsmeade weekend," George chortled.

"We need more filibuster fireworks, Dad," Fred said. "James may or may not have set the last of ours off last night after he won a hefty poker pot."

"It was an epic comeback. It deserved fireworks," I claimed.

"You set my hangings on fire."

"And Ace put it out. What's your point?"

"That pretty much was my point."

"Why is it that in all of your stories, Alice is the one that comes to the rescue?" George sighed.

It was Hattie who spoke in response. "Because your son and nephew's plans only ever involve getting into trouble, not getting out of it."

Fred and I both grinned as if that was a compliment. "That's why we keep Ace around. Damage control," I said with a boasting grin.

A new voice chimed in. "And here I thought I actually made for good company."

We all whirled around as Alice joined the group, Rudy trailing right behind her. My eyes quickly narrowed at the Head Boy and I noticed that Fred's did, too.

"Bold of you to show up here, Ace," I said. I was talking to Alice but my eyes didn't leave Rudy.

She shrugged, pretending not to be bothered by the glare I was sending her date. "Hey, George," she greeted. "Is Ron around? He's holding a few self-cleaning canvases for me."

"Oy, don't change the subject," I said, but George cut me off. "Yeah, he's helping with the register."

"Thanks!" she said with a grin, gesturing towards Rudy to follow her. Like he would be stupid enough not to.

"We're watching you," Fred spoke in a low voice as the boy walked by.

Rudy glanced up at us with a shrug. "Try your worst on me. It won't work. I'm not going anywhere."

With a smile that appeared to be far too smug, he nodded at us and wandered off after Alice.

"You two let Alice go on a date?" George commented once they were out of earshot. "That doesn't seem like you guys."

"We tried hexing him," I sighed. "It didn't deter him. Rat bastard."

"Rudy's a good guy," Hattie spoke up and Bristol nodded. I forgot that we were in the presence of two prefects who actually respected their leader.

Wait, we were in the presence of two prefects.

That couldn't be good for our bad boy reputations.

What has the world come to?

"So you date him," Fred growled at Hattie.

"Oy, don't go giving her ideas," I argued.

"Why? It's not like you're dating her."

Oh, right.

Hattie snickered. "He's right, y'know. I am free to date whoever I want."

And have me lose out on the shagmate of a lifetime? I did not like that idea at all.

Yeah, I definitely hated Rudy Frankel.

* * *

We stayed and chatted with both Uncle George and Uncle Ron for a while before Fred and Bristol disappeared, followed shortly by Hattie and myself. It was just after noon so she and decided to head towards the Three Broomsticks and spend the rest of the afternoon there.

"So you and Alice," Hattie said once we received our butterbeers, "Only ever just friends?"

That question threw me for a loop. "As opposed to?"

She shrugged, taking a sip of her butterbeer before placing it back on the table. "I'm just wondering if anything more ever happened."

"Like?"

She shot me a look. "Don't make me spell it out for you."

"Spell out what?"

She rolled her eyes. "Have you two ever snogged?"

It was a good thing I hadn't taken a sip of my butterbeer yet or I might have choked on it. " _Excuse me_?"

She laughed at my reaction of utter shock. "It can't be out of the realm of possibilities," she argued. "You're a good-looking bloke, she's a pretty girl, and-"

"And we've been friends since we were in diapers," I cut her off. "It'd be weird."

A curious look crossed over her expression. "Then tell me," she spoke hesitantly, "Why do you feel the need to scare off any guy that shows an ounce of interest in her?"

I answered like it was the most obvious answer in the world. "Because I am very aware what guys my age are thinking and what they're capable of and the last thing I'd want is for Ace to get hurt."

Hattie contemplated my words as she took another sip of butterbeer. "So you're saying it's out of protection, not jealousy."

 _Jealousy?_ I've heard a lot of ridiculous things in my life but that might take the cake.

"I've been looking out for Ace my entire life. I'm not about to stop now."

"And yet Rudy Frankel is a decent bloke, a guy who has had two respectful and rather successful relationships in the past."

I blinked curiously. "How does one have a successful relationship if it's now over?"

"When they end mutually and on good terms."

"How in the hell do you know that?" I deflected.

"Girls talk, James."

I sighed, finally taking a sip of my butterbeer as I thought of my next words carefully. "Alright, so if I had to pick a guy for Alice to go on a date with, Frankel may not be the worst," I regretfully muttered, "But that still doesn't mean I have to like it."

"Which brings us back to the point that maybe you don't just hex these guys out of protection."

All I could do at that point was roll my eyes because this conversation had gotten to the point of ludicrous. "Are you about to tell me what other reason there might possibly be for me to hex these guys?"

She tilted her head to the side, sipping on her butterbeer as she searched for the right words. "I just think there is a lot more to your relationship with Alice then meets the eye."

And because I had no intention to further dissect my friendship with one girl with the girl I happened to be shagging casually, I just sighed and said, "I wasn't aware I was coming into Hogsmeade with a psychiatrist today."

She shrugged. "Just a thought."

"Then how about you keep it as a thought instead of a voiced opinion," I spoke, perhaps harsher than intended.

She glanced at me, clearly trying to gauge my reaction, before chuckling. "You're right. Who am I to talk about any of this when I hardly know you two."

"You know me," I countered.

She stared at me, hesitance flickering in her charcoal eyes. "Not really" is what she eventually said.

She sounded bewildered, maybe even sad as she spoke, which sparked my own confusion. "Why do you say that?"

She shrugged, her eyes not straying from mine as she tapped her fingers against the side of her mug. "I know the same things about you that pretty much everyone else does because it's common knowledge," she explained. "Quidditch is your life, schoolwork is not, you and your brother do not get along which I suppose I can tell is more than just everyday sibling rivalry, you hate being associated with your father, you test boundaries by testing authority figures, you have two best friends who you've known since birth and don't really allow yourself to get close to anyone else, and you can flash a smile at any girl that walks past you confidently knowing you'll wind up in some broom cupboard together."

I didn't know why but her very succinct analysis of me rubbed me the wrong way. I liked to think I was a more complex guy than the shallow person she was describing but the truth was, I probably wasn't.

"Well, I guess you have me all figured out then," I said for lack of anything better to say.

"No," she spoke immediately with a small shake of the head, "That's the thing, James. I don't have you figured out at all."

This comment struck another chord with me. "Sure you do. What you see is what you get."

A sly smile perched on her lips, one that held a tremor of disdain that made me slightly nervous. "Why do I get the feeling that that isn't true at all?"

I held her gaze, ignoring the odd sort of thumping occurring in my heart. I'll admit that as arrogant as I know I often come off to others, I tended to tone it down around her but I wasn't entirely sure I liked the idea that she was able to pick up on the fact that the person I was on the outside may not entirely match what I felt on the inside.

"And here you are with your psychiatrist hat on again," I deflected.

She shrugged, finally tearing her eyes off of me as she took another sip of beer. "No, if I was trying to be a psychiatrist, I'd tell you why I think it's so easy for you to hide who you really are from people. But I'm not a psychiatrist so I don't know why."

"Hattie," I pleaded.

She got the hint as she glanced back up at me and smiled. "Sorry, I'm overstepping again. I suppose it's strange having an actual conversation with you when we typically just skip straight to shagging," she teased.

"There's an alleyway behind the pub," I smirked.

"In your dreams, Potter."

Well, I now knew exactly what I'd be dreaming about tonight.

"You brought it up," I chuckled as I nodded at her near-empty glass. "You want another butterbeer?"

She nodded and I was happy to pick myself off the bench and head towards the bar, all while pretending her words didn't affect me.

* * *

Evening was just on the horizon but Hattie and I hadn't moved from where we sat. We ended up spending the rest of the afternoon mocking other students that came through the front door. Ryleigh and Kye had appeared to be in a heavy argument when they first walked in so Hattie and I speculated on what that could have been about. I said it was probably about Quidditch. She said it was probably about a boy. She was probably right. Albus wandered in with Kat later, something I rolled my eyes to, though I noticed that Rose, Harley, and Jett were absent. When Scorpius walked in five minutes later, I knew why. When Roxanne and Zig walked in, Hattie had to swipe my wand from me as I refused to promise her I wouldn't mess with them. Reese Greengrass and Logan Hutch (a beater on the Slytherin Quidditch team) wandered in together, which sparked an argument between me and Hattie as to whether they were on a date or just friends. She said it was the latter but the way Logan was looking at her, I was definitely inclined to believe the former. I made a mental note to use that to my advantage later (also, sidenote, but could you imagine if there were two couples on the Slytherin team? Talk about a disaster).

Four hours had passed and the table that was once just occupied with myself and Hattie now included Fred without Bristol (who had apparently agreed to meet up with her roommates back at Hogwarts to get in some studying before dinner), Jax without Laikyn (who was currently sitting with other sixth-year Gryffindors), Alice with Rudy (much to my displeasure), Dash and Shayne, and the latest arrivals to the table were Lily, Hugo, CJ, and Rayne who only joined us because I had called CJ over to make sure he wasn't on a date with my sister (he claims he wasn't).

"Jessalyn, Raegan, Sloane," Hattie said to me.

I made a face. "You're going to make me choose between your three roommates?"

"That's how the game works, yes," she said with a grin.

I sighed, contemplating my options. "Well, been there, done that with Jessalyn so I'd chuck her. Sloane is quiet, which I like. So I'll marry her and fuck Rae."

"Wrong answer," Fred spoke up with a teasing smirk. "I'd ditch all of them and marry little ol' Hattie over here."

He tugged at the end of her ponytail with a grin as she laughed, retaliating by ruffling his hair. "Ah, I knew I liked you, Weasley."

"You like me better though, right?" I pouted.

"Hard to tell," she teased, winking at me.

"Your turn, James," Alice interrupted.

I grinned as I met my best friend's gaze. "Alright, Ace, how about Fred, Albus, and Louis?"

She rolled her eyes. "You ask this one all the time and the answer hasn't changed. I'd chuck Albus, fuck Fred, and marry Louis."

"And every time I ask why I'm not marriage material to you," Fred pouted.

"And every time I say because you'd cheat on me on whatever girl smiled at you."

"And every time I say oh, right."

"And every time, this doesn't get old?" Lily muttered.

I had not liked the idea of continuing this game when my sister wandered over but she told me to stop being a fucking pansy so I had to man up and talk about sleeping with girls in front of her.

It was very uncomfortable.

"We're talking about two very simple-minded people," Alice pointed out, nodding in the direction of myself and Fred.

"I think she just called us simple-minded, Freddo."

"I think you're right, Jameso."

"What should we do about that, Freddo?"

"I think-"

"I think it's time you two retire that comedy routine," Jax groaned.

"Seeing as it's no longer comedic," Hugo suggested.

I shot my cousin a look. "Oy, if you want to hang with the big guns, you got to pretend to like our routines, y'got it?"

"I don't want to hang with the big guns. It's Lily's fault for coming over here."

"Hey! That was CJ's fault."

"Actually, it was James'," CJ pointed out.

I shot him a look, my eyebrows well into my forehead.

"Uh, I mean, no, it wasn't?" he said with a sheepish grin.

"That won't convince anyone, Colton Jabberwocky," I argued.

He shrugged. "I wasn't trying that hard," he said, ignoring the misuse of his middle name.

To my right, I heard Rudy ask Alice, "Do you want another butterbeer, babe?"

I shot him a dirty look but he pretended not to notice as she nodded and he headed off towards the bar.

"How's your date going?" I asked her pointedly.

She rolled her eyes. "Just fine."

When she said nothing more, I pried further. "That's it? That's all you're going to give me?"

"Yes."

"Do you like him?"

"Jay."

"Are you going out again?"

" _Jay_."

"Is he your boyfriend now?"

"James, _stop_ ," she pleaded, shooting me a look. "I'm not going to discuss this with you in front of everyone."

I considered her words before grinning. "So that means you'll tell me later when it's just the two of us?"

She rolled her eyes. "Definitely not."

And I officially struck out.

I could feel Hattie's eyes on me and I was reminded of her earlier words. Glancing towards her, she smiled knowingly at me and the decision whether or not to pursue Alice's date was made for me.

I told Alice to continue the game and she turned to Hattie to ask about Al, Scorpius, and Logan Hutch. I wasn't pleased when she said she'd fuck Malfoy but I was pleased that she decided to chuck Albus (I had a feeling she did that for my benefit). Marrying Logan was a smart move as his father owned a mead distillery and was loaded.

The game was only interrupted when Cass walked into the pub with Miles West. "Oy, Cass!" I called out, gesturing her over.

She glanced up and with a smile, made her way over to us. "Did you guys steal _all_ the tables in the pub?" she laughed, which was a valid question seeing as we managed to mash four differently shaped tables together.

"Join us," I suggested. "The whole Quidditch team is here."

Her eyebrow shot up.

"Well, not Bishop, but we're better off without her if you ask me," I smirked.

She glanced towards Miles. "You can say no."

"He won't," Rudy teased. "Or I'll give him patrol duty for a straight week."

Dammit, just when I was perfectly content hating that guy, he said something that made me laugh.

"Are you allowed to do that?" Miles questioned curiously.

Rudy shrugged. "Do you really want to find out?"

The fifth year chuckled sheepishly before grabbing two chairs for himself and Cass.

"Alright, tell us, is this a date or just two friends hanging out?" Fred asked bluntly, pointing between the two of them.

As the girls all groaned at his lack of tact, most of the boys just laughed.

"Friends," Cass said, rolling her eyes. "I don't really hang out with the girls in my year. They don't like me very much."

"Probably because you're drop dead gorgeous and they're incredibly jealous," spoke Hattie bluntly.

Oh, so guys aren't the only ones who've noticed how bloody gorgeous she was?

Cass blushed. "So...what? They think I'm going to steal all the guys they like so they may as well just decide to hate me from the get-go?"

"That, and they know if they hang out with you, all the guys will be looking at you and not them and no girl likes to feel second best."

This conversation was bordering on ridiculous.

"In case you're not already aware, girls are petty," Alice chimed in.

Shayne nodded. "It's true."

"Definitely true," Lily agreed.

"Yep," said Rayne.

"Which basically means girls are also incredibly insecure," Fred countered.

That earned him six glares from the surrounding females.

"Er…I meant wonderful. Girls are wonderful," he said sheepishly.

Smooth.

"How's Quidditch practice going?" Miles spoke up, veering the conversation away from any further awkwardness.

Smart kid.

I elected myself to respond. "Incredibly well," I said enthusiastically. "Better than I could have imagined. Cass and Wood are fitting in nicely."

I had to keep it vague since Hattie was at our table. I realized then that only she and Rudy were the non-Gryffindors in the current group. I guess us Gryffindors didn't like to branch out much.

"Ready to kick some Ravenclaw arse?" Dash said with a grin.

"Don't jinx it," I said. Hesitating, I added, "But yes."

"If it means anything at all, I'm rooting for Gryffindor to beat Ravenclaw," Hattie spoke up.

"Of course you are. You're sleeping with their Captain," Rudy smirked.

"Ew," Lily muttered.

Rudy continued as I grinned sheepishly at my younger sister. "Sorry, I'm rooting for Ravenclaw," he said with a shrug. "But only because I think Hufflepuff has a better shot against them than Gryffindor in the end. So it's really a compliment."

Now I wasn't sure whether to hate him or thank him.

This guy was good.

"My dad is coming to the game."

It took me a hot second to realize that those words came from CJ. As in CJ Wood. As in son of Oliver Wood, _defensive coach of the Puddlemere United Quidditch team_.

"Holy fuck," I said, sitting upright with wide eyes, "How the hell has this not come up before now?"

CJ shrugged. "He didn't know his travel schedule until yesterday. The team has a match against the Finches on that Wednesday and the Hammers on Thursday in North America and are off until Sunday when they play the Sunrays in Africa. He thought they'd travel from Canada to Africa directly but they're touching back in London on Friday. So he's available."

"Tell him to feel free to bring the entire team along," I said cheekily. "And all the coaches. Especially that offensive coach of theirs. Head coach too!"

As the table erupted into stifled laughter, CJ rolled his eyes. "My dad's not bringing the whole team and his staff."

"You never know unless you ask."

CJ rolled his eyes again. "Hey, I'm just glad he'll make it at all. He's rarely home so I thought it was a longshot that he'd make it out for the match."

I could have sworn I heard slight bitterness in his tone but I thought it was best not to question him on that. Being a professional Quidditch player was one thing. Being a coach for a professional Quidditch team was an entirely different thing. You weren't just away from home during practices or matches. You were the one who had to analyze old recordings and come up with new plays and dissect every match with a fine-toothed comb. That didn't leave you a lot of time to spend with family.

"Well, now we _have_ to win our match," I urged at the very thought that professional Quidditch employees would be there to watch us play.

The reactions were a mix of snorts, eye rolls, and vigorous nods, but it was CJ who spoke, a chuckle in his voice. "He's coming as my dad, Potter, not as a recruiting agent."

"Doesn't mean he won't go back and tell that staff of his about this excellent team of cohesive players he just witnessed," I said with a jesting grin. "Specifically that one incredibly good-looking chaser whose talent surpasses that of a normal seventeen-year-old's level. And no, I'm not referring to Ace even if she is quite beautiful as well as talented in her own awesome way."

Even CJ laughed at that one while Alice merely rolled her eyes. "You don't even like Puddlemere United," she said.

"Shh! Don't tell CJ that!" I groaned.

As the table erupted with laughs, CJ grunted. "Oy, what's wrong with Puddlemere?"

I shrugged sheepishly. "They're in the same division as Cannons, that's what."

"Oh, hell, you're a Cannons fan?"

"Proudly."

"And I thought I liked you," he sighed. Hesitating, he turned towards Lily, "Wait, aren't you a Harpies fan?"

"Yeah, because Mum was a Harpy many moons ago," Lily said with a shrug. "Somehow, Uncle Ron got his claws into James. Most of the other cousins, too, now that I think about it."

"Not me," Fred argued. "Tornadoes fan through and through."

"Yeah, that can't possibly be because your mother was a Tornado years ago," Alice snorted.

I changed the subject back to our Gryffindor Quidditch team. "Well, team, get ready for some late-night practices and increased team meetings. I don't want to just win against Ravenclaw. _I want to crush them_."

"And pray tell, when will we have time for actual schoolwork?" Alice sighed.

"Who cares? Quidditch comes first!"

"Is anyone against me throwing this butterbeer in his face?"

I scowled when the response was a resounding 'no.'

"That's it. You're all doing laps tomorrow."

"Is this the right time to remind you that we're not all on the team?" Lily drawled.

"Doesn't matter. You're still doing laps."

* * *

We all trickled back to Hogwarts one-by-one. Fred was the first to disappear (I assumed he was going to go look for Bristol) and Hattie and I were the last. We returned the tables to their rightful position before heading out to make the long trek back to school. I found out she was a Bats fan as we chatted about professional Quidditch standings which surprised me because I hadn't even realized she had grown up in Ireland. She didn't have an Irish accent but she told me her family had moved there from Yorkshire when she was five.

I realized then that she had been right in thinking we knew very little about each other.

As we wandered through the courtyard towards the castle, it struck me that I had actually had a decent time with her. I hadn't known what to expect since I didn't spend an excessive amount of time with her that didn't comprise of us getting naked with each other but it had been easy hanging out with her for the day. It helped that both of us were extremely easy-going, laidback people.

"So seeing as this isn't a date, I suppose we should end it as friends would by saying good-bye and going our separate ways," Hattie smirked.

My eyebrow shot up. "I really hope that wasn't an actual suggestion."

She laughed. "There's an empty classroom all the way at the end of the Transfiguration corridor."

I grinned and then hesitated. "I'm not sure I like that _you_ know that but I don't."

"You think you're the only guy I've shagged in this castle?"

"No one else should be worth remembering."

She rolled her eyes but the edges of her mouth twitched upward. "Who says I remember who I was with? Maybe I just remember the location."

I smirked. "Good answer," I said before leaning over and kissing her.

We departed from each other just over an hour later. She told me before she left that the next time my two friends ditched me on Hogsmeade weekends, she wouldn't be opposed to accompanying me again so I took that as a good sign.

Instead of heading back to the Gryffindor Tower, I made a detour towards the Head Dorm in hopes that I could swindle some more information out of Alice about her date. As I spoke the password and wandered in, I realized a half-second too late that I might find something in the common room that I most definitely didn't want to see.

I let out a very big sigh of relief when I found it empty of the Head Boy and Girl. I swiveled to my right and bounced up the staircase before knocking on Alice's cracked-open door. I heard her tell me to come in but I was already on my way in anyway.

I smiled at her as I edged my way over to the bed and dropped down on to the foot of it. "Hiya."

She was at her desk finishing up an essay and merely nodded her acknowledgment at me.

I tried thinking of the best way to bring up her date subtly when I realized that subtlety was never my strong suit. So I said, "You going to tell me all about your date now?"

I saw her spine stiffen as she scribbled a few more words down. I knew she heard me so I waited for a response, an impressive feat for me considering patience wasn't exactly my strong suit either.

She eventually placed her quill down on her parchment and turned around to face me. I tried not to notice the tiny bit of sadness in her eyes, wondering if it was directed at me or something to do with her date. I hoped it was the latter but I was not naïve enough to think that that was actually the case.

"You know you're my best friend, Jay, right?"

I wasn't sure I liked where this was going if she had to start out by reminding me of our friendship. "Yeah" was all I said.

"I tell you everything," she murmured. "Even the stupid shit you don't care about, I tell you. But I can't talk to you about this."

That, I really didn't like. "Why not?"

She slowly made her way off the chair and joined me on the bed, her eyes never straying from mine. "Because my dating habits are the one thing that you apparently can't seem to support me in so it's impossible trying to talk sensibly to you about them."

Whatever I was expecting her to say, that wasn't it. "I support you in everything you do, Ace."

"Hexing Rudy and glaring at him across the table and making underhanded comments about him is supporting me?"

Well, when she put it that way.

I said nothing at first, not sure I had much of a defense. Eventually, all I could say was, "I don't know how not to look out for you."

She met my gaze and slowly nodded. "I know," she sighed. "Believe me, it's nothing I haven't dealt with before. But I don't need you to preemptively look out for me. Be there when it all goes to shit but why strike when there's no reason to?"

"Guys looking at you is plenty reason to."

She sighed. "This is what I'm talking about, Jay. This isn't you looking out for me, it's you being a bully."

Ouch.

"I'm not going to apologize for having your back," I spoke firmly.

"Having my back?" she repeated in a clipped tone. "How is running off every guy I try to go out with _having my back_? If anything, it's stabbing me in the back."

Whoa.

I gaped at her. "That's really what you think? That I'm somehow doing this to hurt you?"

"No," she sighed. "I think you're under the impression that you're helping me but you're not. Maybe you're not looking to date, Jay, but I am. Maybe you've convinced yourself that every guy in this school has the same screwed-up mentality as you when it comes to the supposed horror that comes with commitment _but not every guy does_. And don't you think I'm smart enough to see that for myself?"

Alice had this really unfortunate way of making me feel guilty about the things I never thought I would feel guilty over. "I feel like you just called me screwed up," I mused.

"I said you had screwed-up mentalities. There's a difference."

"I feel like you're still insulting me."

She cracked a smile. "I'm just trying to get you to see that as similar as we often are, we have our differences, too."

I could only sigh because we both knew she was right even if I wasn't always willing to admit it. "I just don't want to watch you get hurt if it all goes to shit, Ace," I admitted.

"Maybe that's just a part of growing up, Jay," she sighed.

I couldn't be sure if she was referring to getting hurt or watching your best friend get hurt, but I didn't bother commenting on either. "Maybe we are different, Ace, but there's one thing I have in common with all of those guys looking to date you. _I'm a guy, too._ SoI know a little thing or two about what these guys are all really thinking," I told her.

"And so what if they're dying to shag me senseless," she drawled.

 _Bad mental image. BAD MENTAL IMAGE_.

"I'd like to think you know I'm not stupid enough to jump into bed naked with some guy just because he wants to," she concluded.

The truth was, I actually had no idea if Alice Longbottom was a virgin or not, nor did I particularly want to know. I'd like to think I would have heard about any sexual interactions she might have had and she had told me before that she never shagged Tanner, her one and only boyfriend, so I thought it was pretty safe to assume she was a virgin. But that was never a question I was going to ask outright for fear of the answer.

"And this conversation has officially taken an awkward turn," I murmured.

She rolled her eyes. "I can't tell you the number of times I've had to hear you and Fred go on and on about your sexual escapades."

"That's different," I huffed.

"Why?"

I hesitated. "Because it's not you?"

She held back a laugh. "You're a hypocrite."

"Yep and proud of it," I said sheepishly.

A small smile crept on to her lips as she only shook her head at me. "You really want to know about Rudy?"

No. Yes. Maybe. I don't know.

"Just tell me if you snogged him," I sighed. Hesitating, I shook my head, "No, wait, I don't want to know. Well, I do, but only if you didn't kiss him. So yeah, maybe it's better if you don't tell me. Or do tell me if the answer is no. Dammit, I'm conflicted!"

Alice's laugh drowned out my back and forth banter. "I didn't kiss him, Jay."

I hesitated. "Are you saying that because it's true or because it's what I want to hear?"

"Wouldn't you like to know."

I made a face. "Yeah, I shouldn't have asked."

She chuckled. "We decided we made better Head partners than we did a couple. He's a good guy. He's just going to be a good guy for someone else."

Oh, thank every single Merlin that ever lived!

"Oh, that's too bad."

She looked at me with narrowed eyes. "You're doing a jig inside your head right now, aren't you."

An Irish one. With lots of flailing body parts to a tune of many lutes and fiddles.

"No."

"Liar."

All I did was grin.

* * *

Stumbling down to breakfast the next morning, I came across Reese who appeared to be heading to the library. "Baby Girl!" I called out.

She whirled around and smiled at me. "I'm impressed."

My eyebrow popped up as I made my way towards her. "Er, with that?"

"The fact that you _do_ know how to greet me without singing that ridiculous green grass song."

I looked at her and let out a fake gasp. "Oh, no, does this mean I'm maturing?"

She laughed and shook her head. "Doubtful."

I shrugged and then said, "Saw you with Logan yesterday in Hogsmeade."

She looked at me and blinked. "And I saw you with Hattie. What's your point?"

"Dating your teammate, are you?" I teased.

She rolled her eyes. "Hardly. He and I are just friends. My roommates were all on dates and so were his, so we just decided to venture into the village together. Y'know, the exact same scenario that had you and Hattie going together," she pointed out with a smirk.

Yeah, and we all know how the end of that non-date ended.

"Guys and girls can't just be friends," I joked.

"Isn't your best friend a girl?"

Oh, right. That.

"You're avoiding the question."

"You didn't ask a question."

"Okay, here's the question: what's really going on between you and Hutch?"

She sighed. "It's like talking to a brick wall with you sometimes."

I grinned. "Ah, yes, but I'm much better looking than a brick wall."

She let out a groan and said, "I'm going to the library. And please don't follow me there."

She stepped past me and quickly rushed down the hallway as I called out, "You're still avoiding the question!"

"I already answered, you just chose to ignore it," she called over her shoulder. " _Good-bye, Potter_."

Chuckling, I turned around and went to breakfast.

* * *

 **A/N:** Ah, got to love a good Hogsmeade visit.

Next up: Halloween and someone takes a trip to the hospital wing.


	7. Bulletproof

**A/N:** Thank you all for your encouraging reviews. I love writing about a character we know very little about and putting my own spin on him which is why I chose James Potter II to write about in this latest story.

* * *

 **A WAY WITH WORDS**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 7: Bulletproof

" _Been there, done that, messed around  
I'm having fun, don't put me down  
I'll never let you sweep me off my feet.  
This time, baby, I'll be bulletproof."  
_-La Roux

* * *

"Uh, next time might I suggest not chucking it directly at Cass' face?"

Cass was on the ground with blood pouring out of her nose from a misplaced (or a very-accurately placed depending on how you looked at it) quaffle from CJ. The boy certainly knew how to throw a missile of a shot. I just hadn't planned on him throwing it at my keeper's nose.

" _Fuck, fuck, fuck_ ," CJ whimpered, staring wide-eyed at Cass who was currently being examined by Alice.

"It's not broken," Alice concluded. "I don't think."

"Oh, that sounded confident," Cass groaned, spitting out blood in the meantime.

How was it that the girl could have blood pouring down her face and still look like a goddess?

"For what it's worth, I'm sorry," CJ muttered.

Cass waved him off. "It's not your fault I wasn't fast enough to dodge that. If you had done that to the keeper on an opposing team, I'd be giving you a standing ovation right about now."

"I'm still sorry," he sighed.

She sighed, and then let out a hissing wince as Alice fingered the rib of her nose. "Ow!" Cass whimpered, swatting her away. "I do have a nose underneath all this blood, y'know!"

Looks like being knocked in the face didn't knock away her sass either.

Alice grinned sheepishly. "You could probably avoid the hospital wing. It hit the bridge of your nose but didn't seem to strike anywhere else so a concussion is out of the question. And this thing will bleed out on its own."

"And here I thought making players bleed was our job," Fred smirked, holding out his fist to Jax who grinned and pounded his own fist against Fred's.

"Other team's players," I corrected. "Let's not get in the habit of injuring our own, shall we?"

"What about just Bishop?" Jax smirked.

Sadie scowled at him as I shrugged. "Yeah, permission granted."

"Fuck off," Sadie snapped before whirling around and heading towards the clubhouse. It was amazing how much Sadie Bishop could get away with that no one else could, such as cursing out her Captain. But I allowed it just so I could mess with her in return. It was a win-win for both of us.

CJ and Jax helped Cass off to the clubhouse. Alice and Fred stayed back and helped me wrangle the quaffles and the bludgers into the equipment trunk. "Well, before the quaffle to the face incident," Alice spoke as we rounded up the last bludger, "I thought today's practice went rather well."

"I have a number of plays I want to try out with the three of us," I spoke. "I didn't think we'd be ready for them until our January match but CJ's looking more like a pro with each practice. Color me relieved."

"Remember when you thought we'd have shitty prospects this year?" Fred smirked, his arm resting on the top of his broom.

"Remember when I threw this bludger at your face?"

He chuckled, swinging his broom over his shoulder as we headed off towards the locker room. "More importantly than your little chaser trio, Jax and I are on fire this year."

"Oh, it's all about you, hm?" I teased.

"Quidditch is a defensive sport, mate."

I rolled my eyes. We had been over this particular argument far too many times for me to count. "You throw a few roadblocks in the way. Offense is how you win games. _You need points_."

"If you have a strong beater duo and an even stronger keeper, there is no reason you can't win a match."

"You can stop them from scoring all you want," Alice chimed in, "But in the end, it actually comes down to the seeker. _An offensive player_."

I loved when Alice sided with me.

Actually, I loved it when anyone sided with me.

"Yes, and if you have a strong beater duo who can stop the opposing seeker from grabbing the snitch, I once again say, there is no reason you can't win a match. I feel like a broken record."

"Let's agree to disagree," Alice said, ever the peacemaker.

"Or I can make Fred do laps until he agrees with us," I contemplated.

I wasn't surprised when Alice smacked me in the shoulder.

Come to think of it, she does that a lot.

As the three of us finally made our way into the clubhouse, we ran into Sadie on her way out. She said nothing as she slid past us and rushed out the door.

"Oy, team meeting tomorrow at eight! Don't be late!"

She made no indication that she heard me as she stomped off.

"I don't think it gets said enough," Fred muttered, "Sadie Bishop is a bitch."

"Yes, but a bitch who is one hell of a seeker," I sighed, levitating the trunk of equipment into the storage closet. "Unfortunately."

"I'm honestly surprised she hasn't found a reason to quit the team," Alice mused, "Considering she hates every one of us."

"I asked her last year why she didn't just up and quit," I said with a shrug, as I bolted the storage closet. "She told me she loved Quidditch too much to let a handful of prats and prisses take that away from her."

"I'm assuming I'm the priss in that scenario," Alice teased as we pushed open the door to the Gryffindor locker room. Jax and CJ were still peeling off their jerseys though Cass was nowhere to be seen. I could hear a shower running in the background so I made the assumption she was showering.

Yes, I'm quite bright when I want to be.

"Well, she wasn't referring to Chastity," Fred pointed out to my comment. "For some reason that still boggles my mind, she got along with Sadie."

"Baffling, isn't it?" Jax interjected. "And why are we talking about Chastity?"

I shook my head dismissively before changing the subject. "I have about six essays I have to get to tonight so I'm thinking I'll head to the kitchens after I shower. Who's with me?"

Alice groaned as Fred chuckled. "Can't. Got plans."

Translation: I've got a girl.

"You know how to get into the kitchens?" CJ spoke curiously.

"Yeah. How do you think I get all of those baked goods I load you all up on during our team meetings?"

CJ hesitated. "Never put a lot of thought into it."

"Lily knows how to get into the kitchens," Alice spoke up. "Has she not shown you?"

CJ pouted, but I spoke up before he could comment. "Oy, don't give him any ideas, Ace!"

She predictably rolled her eyes as CJ intervened. "Does Hugo know?"

I considered the question. Hugo was only required to show up to two practices a week and I always let him choose which ones he wanted to partake in. Today was one of his off days. "If Lily knows, probably," I said with a shrug. "So yeah, ask him. Not my sister."

Once again, Alice rolled her eyes.

"You in, Ace?" I asked as I peeled off my jersey and tossed it into the locker.

"You know those six essays you're avoiding writing?" she said. "Well, I have the same ones."

"They'll still be there in an hour."

"Or, and go with me on this one, _you could not procrastinate_."

I considered the option.

Well, no, I didn't. But I pretended to.

"My need for chocolate prevails over schoolwork," I responded.

She could only chuckle. "When does it not?"

She made an excellent point.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

It was Uncle George who told us how sneak into the kitchens. He didn't tell us until our third year and believe me, we all gave him so much shit for holding out on us, but it's proven useful ever since then. Fred and I often did our prank-planning there as it was always easier to come up with good ideas on a full stomach.

As I descended the stairwell towards the basement, I stopped short at the sound of familiar voices around the corner.

"She's your best friend's _cousin_."

"Then it's a good thing I'm not interested in her, Kat," Al sighed.

"And yet you were with her in the library all afternoon."

"Finishing up work," he sighed. "I would have much preferred to be hanging out with you but you avoid the library like the plague."

My kind of girl.

"It's stuffy and quiet and I can't get anything done in there," she explained. "But if I had known that's where you were going to pick up girls, then maybe-"

"Kat, _c'mon._ I'd have to be stupid to try and hit on a girl in a very public place, knowing it might get back to my _girlfriend_."

"That's why it's so brilliant. No one would suspect foul play that way."

"Or, and here's a thought, _there was no foul play_."

"Jade seemed to think there was."

"Jade hates you. She'd say anything to piss you off."

"Camilla confirmed that you were with Reese."

" _I wasn't with Reese_ ," he groaned. "We just happened to be sitting at the same table."

"So you _were_ with her!"

Even I had to snort at that.

"And so what if I was?" Albus sighed. "We're friends. Sorta."

"No, you're not," she drawled. "You're teammates. You may have befriended her a few years back but your brother got there first and we all know that you and your brother can't agree on anything."

A very true statement.

"Fine, she's my teammate. That doesn't mean I was flirting with her," he sighed.

"And yet the rumor is that you were."

"From a girl who hates you!" my brother whined. "Are you even listening to me?"

I felt myself laugh at that.

And apparently I wasn't quiet because I heard the shuffling of feet and the two of them were standing in front of me moments later. I grinned at the two of them. "Lovers' quarrel?"

"None of your business," Albus snapped, grabbing Kat's hand and walking off.

"I told you from the beginning that dating a teammate was a bad idea!"

Albus turned around with a roll of the eyes. "You think dating at all is a bad idea."

An excellent point, dear brother. "I especially think dating you is a bad idea," I said with a shrug. "Kat, believe me when I say you could totally do better."

"Gee, would you like to whisk me away to a closet somewhere and have your way with me," she drawled with the roll of the eyes.

Albus shot her a dirty look. "Don't even bloody joke about that."

With a smirk, I said to Kat, "Hey, I'm not opposed to showing you what a real Potter man looks like."

She looked disgusted and Albus looked downright murderous. "Don't you have _any other girl_ you could be hitting on right now that isn't my girlfriend?" he snapped.

"Probably but I stumbled across you two first."

"And walking away didn't occur to you?"

"It occurred to me. So did eavesdropping," I smirked, finding sick pleasure in how red my brother's face was turning. I seemed to have that effect on him. "Flirting with Greengrass, are you, Al? Can't say I blame you. The girl is fit."

" _You are not helping_."

"I wasn't trying to help."

Shooting me his best attempt at an evil glare, he grabbed Kat's arm again and stormed off. I grinned. Messing with my younger brother was one of my favorite pastimes.

"Was that really necessary?"

I whirled around and chuckled as Reese Greengrass made her way towards me. "Eavesdropping on the eavesdropper. Classic move, Baby Girl."

She shrugged. "There's a rumor going around that Al and I shagged in the middle of the library. I was looking for Kat to squash that rumor, though if she had any brain cells at all she'd realize it wasn't true."

"She's dating my brother. Chances are she has no brain cells," I said with a shrug. "Besides, we all know if you were to shag a Potter, it should be me."

No reaction. She just blinked and stared at me.

I grinned.

"Aren't you sorta but not really but definitely kinda seeing my teammate?" she eventually said, her eyes still not giving away what she thought of my comment.

"I'm not _seeing_ anyone," I was quick to retort. "We occasionally fool around when we feel like it. Nothing more, nothing less."

She rolled her eyes at that. "That's it, hm?"

"I believe that's what I just said."

She looked at me curiously. "Alright, then let me ask you," she smirked, "When was the last time you shagged someone that wasn't her?"

I opened my mouth to respond but the answer didn't come to me right away. I thought back over my summer and realized then that I hadn't picked up any girls at the clubs or bars I ventured into (except Hattie twice when I ran into her). "June," I eventually said when I was reminded that I shagged Fiona Jordan at the summer kickoff party I hosted at my house.

"Four months ago," she smirked.

"So? Hattie is convenient. That's all it is."

"You sure about that?"

I rolled my eyes. "What's your point, Reese?" I sighed.

She chuckled. "My point is, I'm not sleeping with my teammate's boy toy."

"And yet you'll sleep with your girlfriend-ridden Captain in the middle of the library."

She scowled at me as I let out a laugh. "Sorry, that was too good to pass up," I chuckled sheepishly.

She rolled her eyes. "How is it that Hattie has been able to put up with you all these years?"

"Mind-blowing sex," I smirked.

She grimaced. "Sometimes I'm convinced there's a heart under all that arsehole. And sometimes, I think I'm very wrong to think that."

"The only thing underneath all this arsehole is a good head of hair and a prize-winning smile," I smirked.

"You'd call that prize-winning? Bronze medal at best."

"Oy, you dare insult the smile!?"

"I dare."

"Why am I friends with you again?"

"Because it pisses off my cousin."

"Ah, yes. I knew there had to be a reason."

She chuckled. "I need to go find my two teammates and inform them I'm not coming between them. Meanwhile, you keep working on that smile."

I laughed as she winked at me and wandered off.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"Drama alert," I spoke, sliding into breakfast the next morning with Fred right behind me.

Alice glanced up from her bacon. "Uh-oh, what now?"

"My brother and that uptight girlfriend of his are on the outs," I said with a grin.

Alice's eyebrow shot up. "You are taking too much pleasure out of your brother's pain," she sighed. "And where'd you hear that?"

"I stumbled across them fighting last night," I said with a shrug. "Something about Al spending time in the library with Greengrass or some other boring story like that."

"I heard he shagged her," Fred interjected.

We both swiveled our heads in his direction. "How'd you hear that?" I questioned. I wasn't aware that was public news yet.

"Malfoy was having a fit over it in the hallways last night, scolding his cousin to make better life decisions like not going after his best mate."

"Oh, Merlin," I muttered, "I can only imagine how Greengrass responded."

"Slapped him clear across the face," he smirked. "Wish I had gotten that moment on camera."

"Al isn't cheating on his girlfriend. He' far too nice to cheat on her," Alice spoke up.

"He should if he's cheating with Reese Greengrass," Fred smirked. He ducked before Alice could slap him on the back of the head.

Fred had a point. Kat was pretty in a conventional way. She had striking blue eyes but mousy stick-straight brown hair that lay just past her shoulders. She was nearly a head shorter than Al and had very fair skin that blended in with the white walls around the castle. On the other hand, Reese Greengrass was a tall, well-endowed blonde whose hazel eyes somehow managed to literally twinkle whenever she smiled. She had irresistible dimples and dark olive skin that made it look as if she spent all day everyday outside under the sun. If I hadn't decided to befriend her all those years ago, I probably would have tried shagging her by now.

I could have defended Fred but I knew that would earn me a slap to the head and a punch to the shoulder by Alice, so I merely said, "Whatever happens, I hope it messes with their team dynamic."

Fred's eyes lit up as Alice chuckled knowingly. "I should have known that's all you cared about."

I shrugged. "Nothing like a chaotic love triangle to bring down a team."

"I'm pretty sure you were born without a heart," Alice teased.

"Nope, just a good head of hair and a prize-winning smile," I said, chuckling at my own repeated joke.

"Your hair looks like you just crawled out of bed without bothering to run a brush through—never mind, we both know that's exactly what you did."

I lost my hairbrush in my second week here. It hasn't been missed.

"So, your brother's love life aside, we have some important things to discuss," Fred spoke, putting down his fork long enough to look at me.

When Fred stops eating, he means business.

"If you tell me it was you who shagged Reese, I might give you a standing ovation."

He smirked. "Nah, that girl is smart enough to stay away from my flirting ways. Unfortunately," he added dismissively. "No, this is an entirely new subject altogether."

"Alright, well hit me."

He sat up, an eager grin spreading across his face. "You know what next Friday is?"

I glanced at Alice who looked like she wanted to groan but instead she busied herself with a plateful of eggs. I turned back to Fred. "Another day for me not to bother with schoolwork?"

"Well, yes, but that's every day," he said with a shrug, "Next Friday is Halloween, James!"

My eyes lit up. _How had I not realized it was already the end of October_?

"Every year I hope that you boys forget about that holiday," Alice sighed.

"So that's, what, ten days away?" I spoke, digging through my bag for a quill and parchment. I pushed my plate aside and began to write. "It's our last year, Freddo. We have to go out with a bang."

"Please not with an actual bang, I beg of you," Alice whined.

"Hm, that's not a bad idea," I considered, leaning over to scribble 'bang?' on the top of the page.

"Great, now I'm giving you ideas."

She went ignored. "Alright, let's start with the breakfast pranks…"

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Between Quidditch practice and planning our Halloween prank extravaganza, I had little time for schoolwork. I ended up handing in a Defense Against the Dark Arts essay on lethifolds and Inferi that held about twenty-percent truth. The rest was just gibberish I made up, throwing in big words every now and then to confuse Professor Macmillan. There was a good chance I'd still pull out an E.

On top of the Halloween prank-planning, each House was still debating about whether to opt into the Halloween party scene. It has been tradition for Gryffindor to throw an epic rager with spooky decorations and creepy music ever since Victoire and AJ attended school. Other Houses have joined in with the festivities by throwing their own Halloween-themed party and thus, the party merry-go-round had been born.

"Rox confirmed it," Fred spoke as he wandered into the common room a few days before Halloween. He dropped on to the ground at the foot of the couch I was currently residing on with Alice and Jax. "Ravenclaw is foregoing their usual boringness and partaking in the party-throwing this year. Evidently some of the Muggleborns mentioned the idea of bobbing for apples and pumpkin carving and the entire House is going crazy over it."

"Only took two years for them to opt in," I said, pushing my Herbology essay aside. I glanced over at Alice. "Ace, did Rudy say anything about Hufflepuff?"

"Not to me, no," she said with a shrug.

"Ryleigh said they're having a party," Fred chimed in. "Nothing fancy. Chances are the alcohol stash will be gone in minutes. They never get enough."

"That's because Rudy and those roommates of his don't like to share their large stash we know they have," I snorted. "And you're back to flirting with Ryleigh, are you?"

He rolled his eyes. "Not at all. She passed along information, that's all," he contested. "What about Slytherin? I have to imagine they'll be participating in the schoolwide celebrations."

"Yep," I said. "Hattie told me to stop by. Apparently the dungeons are a perfect place for a Halloween party."

"How have we never been caught before?" Jax finally spoke up, only then glancing up from his notes on unicorn blood. "A bunch of students wandering the halls drunk off their arse to kip off to the next party? Sounds like a recipe for disaster."

"We did get caught," I reminded him. "Two years ago, Louis was so hammered, he couldn't find his way back to the Tower. He fell asleep in the hallway and was found by Filch at three in the morning."

"Okay, so _one_ person out of hundreds got caught. That's still a pretty decent track record."

"How about we keep that track record this year?" Alice suggested. "Let's not pull a Louis, 'kay?"

"You could do with a spot of trouble," Fred argued, reaching over to tug on the hem of her skirt. That earned him a slap to the back of his head. "You make us look bad."

She snorted. "Gee, is my studious nature bringing down your rebellious ways?"

" _Yes_."

"I'm so terribly sorry for that."

Fred sighed, glancing up at me. "I think she's being sarcastic."

"Nothing gets by you, Freddo," I laughed. "So, do you think it's in our better interest to spend tomorrow's practice working on Cass' agility or the chaser formations? We haven't spent a lot of time on Cass recently and I'd hate for her to get complacent."

"It's amazing how quickly your mind changes subjects," Alice spoke, glancing up from her notes. "CJ is still looking to his left when he's trying to do a blind turn, but he's almost got it. I can work on that with him and you can spend time tossing quaffles at Cass. Two birds, one stone."

It was suggestions like that that made me remember why I kept Alice around.

That, and she was my best mate.

But mostly it was the first one.

"Meanwhile, Freddo and Jax here have to complete thirty laps on foot tomorrow," I said with a grin. "That'll teach you guys to throw water balloons at my chalkboard."

"For the twentieth time, we weren't throwing them at the chalkboard," Fred groaned. "We were throwing them at CJ and Cass, a bit of a hazing initiation. The backsplash just happened to get your chalkboard."

"You're still doing laps."

"I think you pick favorites," Jax pouted. "Not once has AliCat had to do laps."

"That's because I know how not to piss him off in practice," she snorted.

"Yeah, she's smart enough to leave the pissing me off to when we're off the field," I shot back. Hesitating, I said, "Wait…"

Alice laughed, reaching over to ruffle my hair.

A shadow loomed overhead. Glancing up, we all watched Rose venture our way. "We have patrols, Bloch."

"In five minutes, _Weasley_."

There was an edge in his voice that had me raising my eyebrow. I wasn't used to such hostility between them. They had always gotten along decently well, or as much as anyone could get along with a stubborn and hotheaded Rose, but this year has brought on far more bitterness between the two that had me wondering what initiated that.

"I guess that's my cue to head back to my room," Alice said as she began to pack up her things.

"Oh, good, Fred and I can get back to planning-" I stopped short when I noticed Rose standing there with narrowed eyes, "Uh, planning our homework schedule."

Rose snorted. "You could have at least come up with something believable."

"Hey, all those years of you drilling into me how important my schoolwork is, maybe I'm just finally taking your wise advice, Rosie dearest."

"Or you're planning pranks for Halloween."

She knew us too well.

"Oh, is Halloween coming up? I had no idea."

She shot me a look. "I have a bet going with Al on how many detentions you and Fred will receive. I'm hoping to at least win something out of your stupidity."

"You call it stupidity. I call it brilliance," I argued, flashing her a grin.

"If you spent half as much time on your classwork that you do on planning your prank marathons, you'd be the top of your class."

"And dethrone Ace?" I gasped dramatically. "I could never!"

"Right, because that's your only reason for opting out of your coursework," she muttered with the roll of the eyes. She turned back to Jax. "And now it's time for patrols, Jackson. Let's move it."

He shot her a scathing look as he reluctantly pulled himself off the couch. "Whatever you say, Your Highness," he muttered as the two of them shuffled off towards the exit.

Alice grabbed her bag and started following them, but I grabbed her arm. "Oy, find out what the hell has got their wands in a knot if you can."

"What do you mean?"

"The two of them have been acting just a bit too hostile towards each other ever since we got back to Hogwarts. Seems odd."

"When is Rose not hostile?" Fred snorted beside me.

"She used to be able to tone it down around Jax," I retaliated. "I want to know why she suddenly isn't toning it down."

She rolled her eyes. "Do you ever know how to stay out of people's business?"

"Nope, it's not in my nature."

She chuckled. "I'll see you two tomorrow."

She disappeared and I pulled out the notebook of prank ideas. "Alright, so we're up to midday on Halloween. What other tricks do we have up our sleeve?"

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"Rose figured out it wasn't me who was asking her about her so-called trouble in paradise with Jax" were Alice's first words as she slid into the breakfast table the next morning. "And in her exact words, she told me to tell James bloody Potter to fuck off."

"That girl is definitely Uncle Ron's daughter," Fred smirked in between bites of his porridge.

"Right, because no one else in your family uses crude language," Alice snorted.

"So what you're saying is you got nothing from them," I sighed, ignoring their banter.

"Wrong. Rose stormed off and Jax told me that that lovely roommate of hers apparently won't stop going on and on about how cute and funny and charming Jackson is," Alice grimaced. "It's driving Rose up a wall."

"Hold it," I said, letting my fork clamor to my plate, "Is Jax actually dating that Laikyn chick?"

Alice opened her mouth to speak but a new voice chimed in. "Not officially," spoke Jax as he slid into the table across from me. "But word on the street is I'm cute and funny and charming so I'm sure it's only a matter of time."

He grinned triumphantly as he stuffed a piece of scone into his mouth. Me, I frowned. "I prefer you single."

His eyebrow shot up. "You're not my type, James."

" _No_ ," I groaned as Fred and Alice burst into laughter beside me. I shot them both a dirty look before glancing back at Jax. "You being all googly eyes for a girl is going to mess with your concentration on the field."

"You can't tell people not to date," Alice groaned, swatting me on the arm with her napkin.

"Besides, you could do better than Laikyn Hennessy," I spoke, ignoring Alice altogether. "She's cute I guess, a bit of a plain Jane if you ask me, but she's not the brightest bulb in the toolshed. A bit of a ditz."

"Since when did you go after a girl based on her mind?" Jax snorted.

"I don't but I'd think being a prefect you'd prefer a bit of an intelligent mind."

"How about stay out of my love life and I'll stay out of yours?"

"Well, that's not fair. I have no love life for you to interfere," I whined.

"Speaking of love lives," Alice spoke up, putting to rest the topic of Jax and Laikyn, "Rose told me that Al and Kat got over their mini-tiff and are as lovey-dovey as ever. So that drama you were hoping for is already off the table."

"Dammit," I swore.

"Word on the street is the two of them got caught with not so many clothes on last night on prefect rounds," Jax smirked.

"Haven't they learned how to avoid prefects by now?" Fred commented. "And don't tell me you caught them, Jax."

"Nah. I'm pretty sure Rose would be scarred for life if that had happened. We ran into Bristol and Usher doing their patrols and they gave us the details," he said with a shrug. "You'll get to read all about that, AliCat, when you review the detention slips."

"My lucky day," she murmured. "Why is it that seventy-five percent of the detention slips I review are due to lewd conduct?"

"Because you're the Head Girl for a school of horny teenagers" was my immediate response.

"Ah, right. That," she said with a wistful sigh.

"Let's get back to this whole Laikyn thing," I suggested, glancing back at Jax who grimaced. "I mean, how well do you really know her? She could be a serial killer. Or a girl who likes to step out on her men. Or bad in bed. You want us to do some digging? I have resources all around the school, mate."

"Don't you think we would have found out by now if the girl was murdering people for fun?" Jax pointed out.

Meanwhile, Alice picked up on my last statement. "You will not ask around to find out if Laikyn is a good shag or not!"

I shrugged. "Hey, better to find out now."

Alice glared at me.

"You're going to throw your pumpkin juice in my face right now, aren't you."

"I'm strongly considering it."

"Hey, if it helps, the rumor is you're an excellent snogger, AliCat," Fred spoke up with a cheeky grin.

I winced. I didn't need to know about Alice's snogging skills.

She blushed while also trying to glare at Fred. It came out more like an awkward grimace. "Oy, why the hell are you asking around about my snogging skills?"

"I'm not. But guys talk, love."

Alice opened her mouth to presumably scold him but the anger in her eyes quickly faded into amusement. "So do girls," she smirked. "And from what I hear, you're a little quick on the draw, if you catch my drift."

Jax and I guffawed with laughter as Fred's face turned beet red. "I sure as hell am not!" he huffed indignantly. " _Who is telling you that_?"

"Spurned lovers, I'm sure," I spoke in between laughs.

Fred jumped up from the table angrily. "That's it. I need to take a look at the back of the girls' bathroom stalls. Make sure no lies are being spread about me."

He started to run off as Alice called after him. " _If I catch you in any girls' loos, you're getting a detention_!"

She went ignored as Fred sprinted off towards the exit, leaving behind Jax and myself in near tears from hysterical laughter.

"I don't know what you're laughing about, Jay," Alice spoke casually, "It's not like the rumors about you are much better."

That stopped my laughter abruptly. "No way. I know I'm a catch."

"Yes, but once you've been caught, who's to say you're as great as you think you are?"

My brow furrowed and I glared at Jax who was laughing harder than ever. "Excuse me," I said, picking myself up off the bench, "I have some bathroom stalls to read."

" _James, don't you dare_!"

I pretended not to hear her.

When I finally slipped into Transfiguration, I was smiling.

My reputation was very much still intact.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Halloween.

A glorious day really, one filled with tricks and mischief. I didn't know the details behind how the holiday started (nor did I particularly care to find out) but the guy who came up with it deserved a medal.

Halloween of 2022 started off exactly as it should.

With utter confusion and chaos.

Fred and I were lounging in the common room when all of the lights throughout the Gryffindor Tower began to flicker on and off, much like that of a strobe light. It took mere seconds before shouts and gasps filled the stairwells and reached the ears of us two lone boys.

As the shouts grew louder, I turned to Fred. "Breakfast?"

Fred grinned. "Breakfast."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"An everlasting dimming spell isn't taught here at Hogwarts."

That was how our prefect cousin greeted us that very morning.

Eggs were halfway to my mouth when I glanced up at the voice. I tried to read Rose's expression but she had perfected the art of indifference years ago.

"Er…good to know?" I said with a shrug. "Is today the day of pronouncing random statements? Not sure I got that memo."

"Don't play dumb," she sighed. "Everyone in Gryffindor Tower knows it was you two."

"Prove it," Fred spoke up at that time, though he appeared to be more interested in reading about Quidditch standings in the sports section of the _Prophet_ to care about Rose's feedback.

"I don't care enough to prove it," she grunted. "I'm simply here to point out that you spend more time coming up with spells and charms to help you with your troublesome ways than you do studying your actual curriculum."

"We'll pass that message along to whoever accomplished today's prank," said Fred and I had to stifle a laugh.

She sighed. "You two are impossible."

She wandered off as I called out after her, "Happy Halloween, Rosie dearest!"

" _Don't call me that_ " was her predictable response.

Alice soon joined us, a hint of a smile on her face. "I'm hearing rumblings in the hallways that either ghosts have taken to haunting the Gryffindor dorm stairwells or you two successfully completed the first prank of the day."

"Well, there _are_ a lot of ghosts residing at Hogwarts," Fred mused, finally looking up to flash the Head Girl a grin.

"Yeah, and they need _someplace_ to hang out, don't they?" I added.

She shoved me with her elbow and I flashed her a grin. I turned towards Fred and lowered my voice. "Do you think we should do the exploding pumpkins at lunch or start with something less grotesque and wait until dinner to do the pumpkins?"

He considered the question but it was Alice who answered. "I do not want pumpkin intestines all over our Feast Food so do it at lunch," she sighed. Hesitating, she added, "And for the record, I'm not hearing any of this."

I chuckled as I met Fred's gaze who shrugged and nodded. "Lunch it is."

A few minutes of conversation regarding the Quidditch playoffs went by before one-by-one, the benches at the other three House tables gave way and with it, three-quarters of the students in the room toppled to the ground, shouts and yelps filling the air. Fred and I burst into laughter (as did many other Gryffindor students) as Alice turned to look at me with a raised eyebrow. "And what, might I ask, happened over there?"

"Hm, it looks as if someone might have sawed the bench legs nearly in half and was just waiting for the right amount of weighted pressure to make it give out," I said, stroking my chin. "But I'm merely speculating."

She threw a scone at my head. "Speculating my arse."

I noticed Neville making his way over to us at that time and I kicked my bag under the table where my wand was currently residing. "So Finches actually beat the Arrows? Wouldn't have seen that one coming."

Fred looked confused for a mere second before the realization struck. "I know! Everyone thought the Arrows were a shoe-in for playoffs but they've lost their last five matches. Dumb luck. Why, good morning, Professor."

Neville sighed, glancing around the room as the students began picking themselves off the ground in bewilderment. "Curious how the benches at the Gryffindor table appear to be undamaged."

"We must be a less robust bunch than the rest of the school," I responded, earning myself a groan from Alice.

"James," he warned.

"The other Houses might want to consider laying off the treacle fudge and eat an apple every once in a while."

Fred was trying very hard to stifle his laughter which made him sound like he was having a coughing fit. "The seventh years recently learned about the severing spell in Charms, didn't they?"

"You're not seriously asking me about what our professors drone on about in class, are you?"

"James," Alice groaned.

She sounded an awful lot like her father sometimes.

I flashed her a smile before turning back to Neville, whose eyes were narrowed at me curiously. "Okay, sure, it may have come up in the past month or so. So it looks like your pool of suspects has diminished to an entire class full of Charms N.E.W.T.s students."

"Gryffindor N.E.W.T.s students," Neville corrected.

"Not necessarily," I argued. "I wouldn't put it past a Ravenclaw to prank themselves and leave us out of it to throw the suspicion off of them and on to us. They are rather known for their cleverness."

Alice was groaning into her hands and Fred could no longer contain his laughter.

"C'mon, James," he said with a coy smile, "We all know it was you. Just like we all know that little disturbance up in the Gryffindor Tower this morning was you. I don't expect you to fess up but don't even pretend to point fingers at other people."

"Show me proof and I'll happily serve a detention," I responded with my own sugary smile.

Neville only shrugged. "I'm not here for proof," he argued. "I'm here to tell you that the professors are watching your every move very closely today. Yours too, Fred. Take this as a warning."

He turned on his heel and walked over to the Ravenclaw table to help Professor Flitwick fix the benches with repairing spells. "Like we haven't deceived them before," I smirked, reaching over to tap my fist with Fred's.

Fred grinned proudly as Alice shook her head and sighed. "It truly is a wonder how we've stayed friends all these years."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Fred got caught defacing empty frames. I got caught filling water pitchers with fake spiders. But we only came out with the one detention each which was a minor miracle for all the pranks we pulled off. It was an epic day that was worthy of being titled our very last Hogwarts Halloween prank extravaganza. As the clock chimed nine o'clock, we were already well into what I liked to refer to as the raucous part of the day.

"To Halloween!" I cheered, clinking glasses with Fred as we downed another shot of firewhisky. My arm was currently draped around Alice's shoulders who pushed me to the side when I incidentally splashed a little on her orange sweater. "Oops."

"You're not even drunk yet and you're a lush," she laughed, brushing the water aside.

"You love my lush-ness," I teased, poking her in the ribs.

She chuckled but didn't deny it. "When are we hitting up the other parties?" she questioned.

I glanced towards the clock in the corner that was telling me it was 9:14 PM. I shrugged. "Where should we go first?"

"You said you'd stop by Slytherin," Fred reminded me with a grimace. "That one, I'm opting out of. No one there worth spending time with."

"I'm not planning on going for long. Just stop in long enough to say hi to Hattie, check out the digs to prove that Gryffindor's party is better, and then head out of there."

"After stealing a few snogs from Miss Wilkes," Alice smirked.

Well, yeah, that too.

"I'm still opting out," Fred said with a shrug. "Maybe I'll pop into the Ravenclaw party, hex Zig and blame it on Halloween ghosts, and see what Bristol is up to. You should join me, AliCat."

Alice's eyebrow popped up. "Why?"

"Uh, because it could be fun?"

Her head cocked to the side. "Or you need me to answer the Ravenclaw riddle because you never can."

I smirked as Fred offered her a sheepish smile. "Or maybe I just really want to spend time with your delightful company."

She just stared at him, waiting for him to crack.

Which he did. "Yeah, alright, it's because I need you to get us into the common room."

The overwhelming response to the statement was laughter from both myself and Alice.

"I told Rudy I'd stop by Hufflepuff so you're on your own with the riddle," Alice chuckled.

"Fuck."

My eyes narrowed at Alice. "No funny business is going on there, is it?"

She rolled her eyes. "Rudy said Hufflepuff parties are always the best. I told him he was wrong. He told me to stop by and he'd prove it."

"Sounds like he plans on supplying you with tons of shots," Fred teased, gulping down the rest of his drink. "And on that note, I'm off. See you adorable little kiddies later."

As he wandered off, Alice said, "He knows we're older than him, right?"

"I'm not sure he cares."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I ran into Jax stumbling through the hallways coming back from the Ravenclaw party and I was almost certain he was plastered. Evidently they did have a bin to bob for apples but instead of filling it with water, it was filled with vodka. I made a mental note to remember that for next year before sadly remembering I wouldn't be at Hogwarts next year.

I convinced Jax to join me at the Slytherin party and even before we wandered through the portrait hole, we could hear the music blasting. When we did enter the common room, I noticed that the overhead lights were turned off and strings of tiny orange lights were lining the room as the only source of light. It made for a very sinister look but I suppose that was sorta the point of Halloween.

"Why am I not surprised to see you here?"

I whirled around at the familiar voice and smiled as Reese sashayed her way towards me in a very tight black mini-skirt and an orange tube top. It did not leave a lot to the imagination.

Apparently Jax thought the same thing. "You look sexy as hell right now, Greengrass."

Yeah, he was definitely drunk. "Ignore him, he's hammered off his ass," I said with a grin.

Her eyebrow shot up. "Oh, so you're saying I don't look sexy as hell?"

That backfired. "For the sake of our friendship, I'm not going to comment on that."

She smirked before downing whatever was in her cup. "So what brings you down to the dungeons? You looking to spend some quality time with my cousin and your brother?"

That had all three of us laughing.

"I'm only here to spend quality time with you, dah-ling," I said with a posh accent.

She looked at me. "Yeah, if you could never call me dah-ling again, that would be appreciated."

That had me laughing and Jax saying, "What about me? Can I call you that?"

"If you want a swift kick to the balls, go right ahead."

He grimaced and with a smirk, she said, "C'mon, let's get you guys drinks." She turned around and headed off in the direction of the drink table.

I might have checked out her arse as she walked away.

The three of us were chatting with drinks in our hands when a whiny voice interrupted us.

"What are you doing here?"

Glancing to my side, I groaned at my brother whose arm was currently snaked around Kat's body. I wasn't at all surprised to see Rose with them.

"Last I checked, these parties were open to everyone, bro," I drawled.

"I would have assumed this would be the last party you'd have any interest in going to," Rose spoke up.

Of course she was the one who talked. She was my brother's spokesperson.

"I go wherever the wind takes me, Rosie dearest."

"Don't call me that," she sighed.

"Oh, look!" a new even more annoying voice chimed in. "All of my favorite people all under one roof."

Scorpius sidled up and draped an arm around Rose's shoulders with a smirk. She glared at him. "We're always under one roof. The castle roof," she drawled. "And get your arm off of me if you value your life, Malfoy."

He chuckled but obliged. "Dance with me, Weasel."

At that, we all gaped at him.

"Are you out of your damned mind, Malfoy?" she snapped.

He shrugged. "Hey, it's every girl's fantasy to dance with me. I'm just letting you fulfill yours tonight."

Everyone, get out of my way. I'm going to hurl.

"The only fantasy I have about you is jabbing you over and over with a knife and watching you slowly bleed out into a most painful, elongated death where you plead for your life and I just stand by and laugh at you."

Atta girl, Rose.

Scorpius just laughed. "That sounds like a yes to me."

"In what bloody world does that sound like a yes?" she barked at him.

"In the world of alcoholic drinks and holiday spirit, dollface," he smirked, winking at her.

Please tell me he did _not_ just wink at her.

"Did you just call me dollface?" Rose grunted.

"Not into the 'dollface?' How about sweetums? Or my little ginger muffin? I'm not opposed to calling you babe either."

"How about you don't call me anything?"

"We can debate my nickname for you over a dance."

Rose narrowed her eyes at him. "You're actually serious, aren't you?"

"I don't joke about the art of dance, babe."

Yeah, I was definitely going to hurt.

"She already said no," Jax spoke up with the roll of the eyes. "Please don't let us continue to watch your ongoing humiliation."

"I can speak on my own behalf, thank you very much," Rose argued huffily, sending Jax a scathing look before glancing back at Scorpius. "Why do you want to dance with me, Malfoy?"

He shrugged. "You ask why. I ask why not."

That was a tad too philosophical for halfway through a party.

She looked at him, her eyes giving off much confusion before she shrugged. "Alright. You want a dance, you got it, Malfoy. But only because you're clearly up to something and I want to know what it is."

My eyes widened in shock, as did everyone else's.

"Yeah, because it can't possibly be because I want to enjoy your company," he drawled sarcastically.

Her eyebrow quirked up.

"Yeah, you're right, it can't possibly be that," he said with no trace of sarcasm and a mere shrug. "C'mon, let's go get these other students wondering what love potion I slipped into your drink."

Rose laughed.

 _She actually laughed_.

And then the two of them were off and the rest of us stood there completely dumbfounded.

Albus spoke. "Did he just…"

"Ask her to dance? Yeah," I responded.

"And she just…"

"Said yes? Yeah."

"And now they're…"

"Dancing? Yeah."

Albus blinked. "What the hell?"

You took the words right out of my mouth, bro.

"What the hell is right," Jax spoke up, reading my mind. "I thought for sure she'd punch him in the face. I was kinda hoping for it, too."

"Who even knew someone had the balls to ask Rose for a dance," Reese contemplated. "I was under the impression everyone in this school was scared of her."

"Not your cousin apparently," I pointed out.

She shrugged. "Maybe this is a case of keep your friends close and your enemies closer?" Reese suggested.

"No one should ever keep Malfoy close," I drawled. "Ever."

My brother unsurprisingly shot me a glare. "Shouldn't you be off shagging Hattie by now?"

He had a good point.

"Make sure your bloody friend's hands stay away from our cousin's arse, y'got that?" I snapped at my brother before taking off into the crowd in search of my blonde shagmate. It didn't take me long to find her but I was most annoyed to see her chatting with Parker.

I untactfully interrupted their conversation. "Didn't realize you knew what a party was, Jessup," I grunted. "Oh, but you're probably here to flirt with Eckhart Mackey, right?"

He glared at me. "Guess the rumor is true. Rats _do_ roam the dungeons."

"Is that the best you got?" I said, bored. "You really need to work on your comebacks. They're supposed to be clever with a hint of jest. Yours border on banality."

"Whoa, big word. Have you been using word of the day toilet paper again?"

"And another banal comment. Seriously, instead of pretending to actually have friends, you might want to consider sitting alone in that bedroom of yours and reading up on ways to force wit. Lucky for me, mine comes naturally."

"As naturally as shitting bricks maybe."

I hesitated before shrugging. "Okay, that one wasn't so bad. Guess you're learning. A few more lonely nights and you may actually be good at a battle of wits. Not against me of course because I win every time, but there are plenty of other people who I'm sure you piss off with your mere existence who could possibly be outwitted."

"I don't need to outwit someone who is inferior to me, Potter. Takes the fun out of it."

Did he just call me inferior?

"Alright, break it up," Hattie finally chimed in, stepping in between us and sending us both warning glares. "Parker, I'm planning to return the book on obscure Potions ingredients to the library on Sunday. You can have it then. And James, let's get me a drink, shall we?"

She grabbed my arm and quickly led us away from my pretentious roommate.

"A book? That's what you two were talking about?" I chuckled in slight amusement.

"Amongst other things."

My eyes narrowed. "Like what other things?"

"About how he and I are planning on running away together and getting married and popping out an entire village of kids to live happily ever after."

I recoiled in disgust as I glared at her, all while she grinned in utter amusement. "That's not even funny to joke about!"

She smirked. "Do I look like the fairytale type, James?"

I took a step back to observe her. She was wearing high-heeled black boots with an incredibly short green halter dress that nearly had me drooling so no, she didn't appear to be the fairytale type but she _was_ fantasy material. "Why do I get the feeling that's a trick question?" I asked hesitantly.

She glanced over her shoulder with a chuckle as we reached the drink table. "What do you want to drink?"

I ran my eyes along her long torso once again before smirking, "Y'know, it's not really a drink I want."

Her eyes met mine and I saw a twinkle of seduction that nearly made me harden right then and there. I had to think long and hard about my naked grandma when she leaned over and whispered in my ear, "Then screw the drink and let's get out of here."

NAKED GRANDMA. NAKED GRANDMA.

"Well, if you insist," I teased, grabbing her empty cup out of her hand and tossing it to the table.

She grinned. "But first, can I ask you a question?"

Dammit, what now?

"Shoot."

"What the hell is your cousin doing dancing with Scorpius Malfoy?"

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

By the time I snuck back to the Gryffindor common room it was just before midnight. I had a nice buzz going, I was a happily shagged man, and I didn't stumble across any professors on my way back to the Tower so I considered the night a roaring success.

Wandering in through the portrait hole, I saw that Rose was back and was currently conversing with Parker which made me grimace. They were both prefects so they occasionally shared a conversation or two but that never sat well with me. I caught sight of Jax with his tongue down Laikyn's throat so I wondered if I was going to be forced to hear about a new relationship blooming over the next few days. Harley was yelling at her boyfriend about something which made me smirk. I didn't see them arguing often but when I did I knew that boys everywhere were praying a break up was on the horizon. Fred was nowhere to be found so my guess is he was either getting an earful from his sister or he came across Bristol and was very much occupied. I was leaning towards the latter. My eyes narrowed as I watched my baby sister dancing with CJ and I was about to storm over there and make a scene when I got distracted by what appeared to be a very heated debate between Alice and her former roommates, Kenley and Lena.

I made my way over to the quarreling trio (and maybe hexed CJ on the way) and interrupted them. "Ladies," I greeted. "What seems to be the problem?"

Kenley shot me a glare before returning to her argument. "Everyone knows you have the hots for him, Longbottom, and that he flat-out rejected you. You can't honestly believe you had a chance."

"I'm not interested in him," Alice snapped back. "We went on one date and we both agreed that that would be it. No one was rejected so get your bloody facts straight."

"And yet you were the one just seen fawning all over the Head Boy like the pathetic lapdog you are."

"What fawning?" she groaned. "I was _talking_ to him. Having polite conversation. Then again, I understand that polite anything is hardly something you'd understand."

Alice – 1. Kenley – 0.

"And why in bloody hell do you care about my dating life?" Alice continued. "What, you jealous that Head Boy Frankel took me out and not you?"

Kenley's face turned all kinds of shade of purple.

Alice – 2. Kenley – still 0.

Realization struck Alice. "Oh," she said with a bit of a smirk. "You _are_ jealous. You like a guy that chose another girl and that pisses you off because you're used to getting your prissy little way."

"What did you have to do to get him to go out with you, Longbottom?" Lena interrupted when it was clear her friend was too angry to find the right words to say. "Pay him off? Sleep with him?"

And that's when I intervened.

"This argument appears to be borderline ludicrous," I said, shaking my head. "I mean, you're arguing over the fact that a girl has a crush on a boy who went out with another girl once _two weeks ago_. This timeline is all kinds of off."

"I wasn't aware any of us asked you to participate in this conversation," Kenley said to me with the roll of her eyes. Apparently she got her voice back.

" _What_ conversation?" I groaned. "Let me spell it out for you in terms you might understand: you like Frankel. Alice doesn't like Frankel. Frankel doesn't like Alice. Ergo, _this has nothing to do with Alice and you're a moron_."

She glared at me.

"Okay, fine, the moron part isn't a part of the equation but I think it had to be said."

Alice suppressed the urge to laugh as Kenley flipped me off and grabbed Lena's arm to walk away.

Thank Merlin.

I grinned as I turned back to my friend. "That'll teach you to talk to boys."

She rolled her eyes. "How was the Slytherin party?"

I was all ready to say it was fine but I stopped and let out a shudder. "Get this," I spoke, "Rose danced with Malfoy."

She blinked. "Scorpius Malfoy?"

"No, strangely enough, Scorpius' father showed up. _Yes, Scorpius._ "

She punched my shoulder for my cheek. "Rose dancing with Draco seems more likely."

"What kind of bloody logic is that?"

"The kind that comes with four shots of pumpkin whiskey and a vodka-soaked apple."

I stared at her before breaking out into laughter. "So you ventured over to the Ravenclaw party, did you?"

"You, too?"

"Nah, never made it there. But Jax told me all about the apple-bobbing bin."

"Ah," she grunted. "You've been at the Slytherin party this whole time?"

No. I spent most of the past hour with Hattie. "Sorta" is all I said.

Alice glanced up at me and I could tell she knew exactly what I was holding back. So I was quick to change the subject. "Did you run into Fred at the Ravenclaw party?" I asked, still noticing that he appeared to be MIA.

"No, he must have left by that time."

Probably still out with Bristol somewhere.

"Though I'm surprised to not see him back here," Alice commented. "Seeing as Bristol was snogging Tanner when I left."

There goes my theory.

"Must have come across another drunk girl willing to have her way with him," I smirked. As I could most likely narrow it down to Quidditch players, I said, "Did you see Ainsley around?"

Alice narrowed her eyes in concentration before slowly shaking her head. "Not that I recall."

"Ding, ding, ding, we have a winner," I teased. "Now more importantly, why were you bothering to chat with your vapid ex-roommates?"

"They cornered me and started yelling. I had no choice in the matter," Alice laughed. "Now how about we stop talking about Fred's sexual urges and my so-called vapid ex-roommates and we go show the people of Gryffindor how to really dance?"

My eyebrow shot up into my forehead. "I'm not exactly a world-class dancer, Ace."

She winked at me. "Good thing I am."

Yeah, she was definitely drunk. I liked drunk Alice.

Except when she was asking me to dance.

But she was looking at me with those big pleading eyes of hers and a cute pouting smile so all I could do was sigh.

"The things I do for you, Ace."

She just grinned and we spent the next hour dancing. Not that I'd admit it, but I ended up having a lot of fun. But that might have something to do with the fact that I kept hexing CJ anytime he got close to my sister.

He was definitely getting laps at practice tomorrow.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Hours later, I was staring up at the ceiling wondering if the room was actually spinning or if it was all in my head when the door opened and Fred sauntered in.

"Oy, Fred," I called out. "Is the room spinning or is it just me?"

He chuckled. "Just you, mate."

"No," Dash cried out from his own bed whose hangings were currently closed, "The room is definitely spinning."

"Thought so," I sighed, slowly sitting up and wincing when a headache arose. "What girl have you been occupying your time with these past few hours, Freddo?"

"Who says I was with a girl? Maybe I've been out partying all night."

I shot him a look. "Ace said you left the Ravenclaw party before she showed up."

He grinned sheepishly. "Maybe I was at the Slytherin party."

"Then you must have seen Rose dancing with Malfoy."

Dash let out a gasp as Fred's eyes bugged out of his head. " _Scorpius_ Malfoy?"

I rolled my eyes. "I could say no, it was Scorpius' father, but I already made that joke today."

"Did he slip her a love potion?" Dash called out.

"Blackmail her?" Fred considered.

"Imperius her?"

"She was not under duress at the time, no. She seemed perfectly sane. I mean, no more insane than usual."

"That can't be right," Fred drawled with the shake of the head.

"If I hadn't seen it with my own eyes, I wouldn't have believed it," I said with a shrug. "Speaking of female Weasleys, did you hex Zig when you were at the Ravenclaw party?"

"What?"

"Zig Keppler," I spoke. "The boy who thinks he can mess with Roxy and get away with it?"

He made a face. "Ugh, what about that prick?"

I rolled my eyes. "Did you hex him like you were planning to?" I urged.

"Oh," Fred said with a chuckle as he peeled of his sweater and headed towards the bathroom. "Uh, yeah, of course. Roxy yelled at me. I told her it was Halloween ghosts. She yelled at me some more. It was a beautiful family reunion."

I grinned. "Hey, these boys have to learn somehow."

"The moment I hear her call him her boyfriend, the guy is going to get a serious beating," he muttered before slipping into the bathroom.

The idea of my own sister dating some bloke really didn't sit well with me so I felt Fred's irritation. It struck me then that Lily was the same age I was when I lost my virginity (to a sixth year by the name of Rayna Valentine who I'm almost positive slept with every single guy in the school. Hm, I wonder what she's up to these days…)

I cringed and made a mental note to keep a very watchful eye on Lily.

"The room is still spinning," groaned Dash. "I don't like it."

You and me both, Dash.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Scheduling a practice at eight o'clock in the morning the day after a schoolwide party was not one of my smartest decisions as Captain.

Fred was lying face down against the floor, letting out the occasional groan every few minutes. He had tried throwing a lamp at my head this morning when I told him to get his arse out of bed. I thankfully ducked before it could hit me.

Alice looked like she hadn't slept at all as she glared at me from where she sat on the bench opposite me. Beside her was Cass whose eyes were closed as she held her head in her hands while she whimpered. Sadie was also there looking far too cheerful for my taste.

"You should really plan these practices better," Alice muttered, breaking the silence that had filled the room.

"You should really hold your liquor better," I shot back, pretending not to notice the pounding in my head.

"I really want to hex you right now."

"I know."

We went quiet again as I glanced up at the clock. It was two minutes after eight o'clock and the rest of the team was late.

As if on cue, the door opened and in sauntered Jax who looked like a hippogriff had stampeded across his face a dozen times. "Yes, I'm late," Jax spoke with a grimace, "But I have a flask full of pepperup potion so you can't be that mad at me."

We all sat up at the mention of pepperup potion.

"I knew Jax was my favorite team member," Fred said with a grin as he scrambled off the floor.

"Lies!" I outcried.

Fred ignored me as he embraced Jax tightly, resting his cheek firmly against the taller boy's chest. "I love you, mate. I truly do."

Jax blinked.

"He may still be a little drunk," I smirked.

He shoved Fred off him and handed him the flask. Fred took a long swig in which Alice rushed over and smacked him, taking it away.

"Where the hell is CJ?" I muttered irritably.

"Epic night if I do say so myself," Fred reminisced as the potion began to kick in, ignoring my question completely.

"Tell that to Jax," Cass smirked. "He and Rose were screaming at each other by the end of it."

That got my attention. "About what?"

Jax rolled his eyes. "Your cousin's a bitch."

"Watch it," I warned. Hesitating, I added, "But yeah she totally is."

"What did she do this time?" Fred questioned.

"I don't even know," Jax drawled irritably. "Being her usual irritating self?"

"When did you start to think she was irritating?" I questioned, reaching for the Pepperup Potion from Alice and taking a swig. "What happened to you two being friends?"

"Why is everyone convinced we were friends?" Jax murmured.

"Because you were," Fred snorted.

Jax rolled his eyes. "Well, for the record, we're not now."

"Clearly," I responded. "Now I ask again, _where the bloody hell is CJ_?"

As if on cue, the door swung open and in rushed an out of breath CJ.

"Sorry, sorry, sorry!" CJ squeaked. "Buzz turned off the alarm without me knowing."

"Ten laps," I spoke coolly.

"Yeah, I deserve that for being late," he muttered.

"Oh, right, yeah, another ten laps for that."

He blinked. "What were the first ones for?"

"Dancing with my sister, you prepubescent little bugger!"

"You can't give him laps for dancing with your sister," Alice groaned.

"Do you want laps, too?"

She rolled her eyes. "You may be abusing that badge of yours a tad, Jay."

I shrugged. "My badge, my rules."

She shot me a look though the intended effect didn't work all that well with her tired eyes and flushed cheeks.

As CJ settled into the open bench, I faced the team. "Alright, we have exactly two weeks until our match against Ravenclaw. Exactly two weeks until we prove to the school why we are the best team. We will win that game or you'll all be running laps until your legs give out. Well into your old age if I have anything to say about it."

"This isn't the encouraging part of the speech, is it?" Jax sighed.

"You only get encouragement once you win."

"Then it's not really encouragement, it's just praise."

I shot him a look. "Looks like CJ will have a buddy on his laps."

Jax swore.

Alice rolled her eyes.

I merely grinned.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"Oh, bed, how I love thee!" I said as I took a nose-dive on to Alice's bed later that morning.

"Oy, don't go hogging the whole bed," she said, smacking me on the back of the leg.

"Too late. I'm down. I can't move. You'll have to find yourself a different bed."

Alice stopped her eye-roll halfway as a slow smirk filled her lips. "Okay, I'll just go join Rudy in his."

"I'm moving, I'm moving!" I said, quickly shimmying to the right side of the bed with a sheepish grin.

She laughed before climbing on to her bed with a yawn and crawling towards the headboard. "I'm supposed to be having lunch with my dad in an hour."

"Don't go."

She rolled her eyes. "If I don't go, he'll just come here and see me asleep in my bed with a boy and he won't like that very much."

I snorted as I shuffled towards the top of her bed beside her. "It's just me, not some idiot trying to get into your pants."

"Not just idiots are trying to get into my pants," she teased, dropping her head on to her pillow.

"What non-idiots?" I scowled. "I'll kill them."

She laughed, punching me in the shoulder. "When do you think your obsession with maiming boys who are interested in the females in your life is going to die out?"

"Well, I'll be leaving Hogwarts at the end of the year, so…yeah, never."

She rolled her eyes. "Wake me up in an hour, won't you?"

"Fuck that. I'll be dead asleep."

"Okay, then I'll make sure to be loud as possible when I'm getting ready."

"Wake you up in an hour you say?"

She grinned triumphantly.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"Ahem."

I peeked an eye open and grimaced when I saw Neville standing at the foot of the bed. "Er…hi, Neville," I said sheepishly, elbowing Alice in the side.

She stirred, her eyes fluttering open with a yawn. Glancing up, she nearly jumped out of bed when she saw her father standing over her. She offered him a smile. "It's James' fault. He was supposed to wake me up."

"Way to throw me under the bus, Ace," I murmured.

"Last I checked, your bedroom was all the way up in the Gryffindor Tower, James," Neville spoke with a raised eyebrow.

"Yeah, but so is Parker Jessup which makes hanging out with Alice far better."

"Gee, is that the only reason you ever crash here?" Alice said with the roll of her eyes.

"Ever crash?" Neville sighed. "So this is a recurring thing then?"

"No" we both replied in unison.

I'm pretty sure he didn't believe us.

"Dad, it's only eleven," Alice said, glancing at the clock in the corner. "I thought we were meeting at eleven-thirty."

"Aha, so it's not my fault!" I boasted.

She glared at me.

"I'm shutting up now."

"I need to take a raincheck on lunch," he said with an apologetic grimace. "AJ needs help at the pub. The new barmaid called out sick again and a large bachelor party apparently just walked in and are causing chaos. I'll be out for most of the day."

"You need to fire that barmaid."

"AJ already did."

She laughed. "How about tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow works," he said, heading towards the door. "Meanwhile, I need to have a discussion with Minerva on how to up the security measures in the Head Dorm to keep out unruly boys."

As he disappeared out the door, Alice cried after him, "It's just James!"

"Yeah, it's just James!" I repeated.

"Next time, it might not be just James!"

She scoffed as my eyebrows slowly popped into my forehead. "Then again, I'm all for upping the security."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I was alone on Sunday afternoon with just my playbook to keep me company. Alice was having lunch with her father (though presumably that was over by now so I really hoped she'd join me soon), Fred had disappeared like he often did (translation: girl), Dash and Shayne were off doing coupley things (they told me what they were doing but I hadn't been paying attention), Jax had been dragged out of the common room by Laikyn (so I could only assume what they were up to), Rose left to meet up with Albus in the library, and glancing around the common room, there wasn't a single person that I was interested in hanging around. I saw Lucy in the corner chattering away with her two roommates and for a half second, I considered interrupting their conversation before I realized that I had actually considered hanging out with an _eleven year old_ just because I was bored.

That's when I pulled out my playbook.

I was pouring over my notes on the Middleton maneuver when the portrait swung open and thundering footsteps could be heard rushing into the room. Glancing up, I was surprised to see one hell of a murderous look on Rose's face as she made her way over to me.

Oh, shit. What have I done now?

"James," she said breathlessly, "It's Alice."

Oh, good, nothing I did.

Wait, _what about Alice_?

Rose answered the unasked question. "I just ran into her in the hallway limping. She was blind-sided in the hallway by Brooks and Callum. They claim she tripped down the stairs, but I think we both know what really-"

" _Those bloody bastards_!" I screamed as I jumped off the couch. "I'm going to kill them!"

" _No_. McGonagall is talking to them now," Rose urged. "But Alice is in the hospital wing if you want-"

I didn't even let her finish that sentence as I made a beeline towards the exit.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

All I saw was red as I raced through the hallways towards the hospital wing. I went through a million and one ways to tear Brooks and Callum apart all while praying that Alice was okay. I probably should have asked Rose that before taking off but when one hears that their best friend is in the hospital wing, they don't exactly stick around for a question-and-answer forum. I had to imagine that since she ran into Rose and had a conversation with her, she wasn't in terrible shape. But I really wanted to see that for myself.

I rounded the corner towards the hospital wing and ran headfirst into another student. We both cried out and stumbled backwards.

"Bloody hell, James, watch where you're going!"

Rubbing my shoulder that had rammed into my cousin, I rolled my eyes. "Same could be said to you, Rox," I drawled, stepping past her. "What are you even doing here? Come to apologize to Alice on behalf of your bloody teammates?"

Roxanne blinked. "What are you talking about?"

"Oh, you haven't heard?" I sneered. "Your goddamned Captain and his lackey roughed Ace up a bit."

"They wouldn't do that…" she said, though there was clearly uncertainty in her voice.

"Well, they did," I snapped.

Roxanne said nothing.

"So if you're not here for Alice, what the hell _are_ you doing here?" I questioned, unsure if I was asking out of concern or curiosity.

"Visiting Zig in the hospital win," she said.

I scoffed.

She glared at me. "Lorcan kinda, sorta, definitely hit him in the back of the head with a bludger on Thursday night in practice and per concussion protocol, as you know, he has to be in the hospital wing for observation for seventy-two hours and pass all the proper tests before he can be released. He's going a little stir crazy."

Yes, I would know. I got hit in the head with a bludger during our match against Hufflepuff in my third year that had me in the hospital wing for a week and had me sitting out of practice for a whole month. I was cleared to fly only a week before the next match and somehow convinced the Captain at the time to still put me in.

I scored ninety points alone in that match. The other two chasers scored a combined sixty.

Glancing at Roxanne, I smirked and said, "I'm pretty sure you're supposed to avoid striking your own teammates."

She rolled her eyes at me.

"And here's a thought, _tell your bloody Captain not to_ _strike my teammates either_."

She grimaced. "Take it as a compliment. Maybe he thinks they can't win with Alice playing against them."

I blinked. "How is that a compliment? He should be worried about my chasing skills, not hers."

"Nice to know that even in your time of worry, you still know how to be incredibly arrogant," she sighed, turning her back on me as she headed down the hallway.

I began to rush up the stairs but a sudden thought struck me. "Wait, Roxy," I called out and she turned around, "You're saying that Zig has been in the hospital wing since Thursday?"

"Yeah, he's being released in a few hours though."

I frowned. "So he wasn't at the Halloween party on Friday?"

"It's not like he can be at two places at once."

I hesitated. "Were you at the Halloween party?"

"No, I spent it whooping Zig's arse in Exploding Snaps and chess all night."

Which meant only one thing.

Fred had lied.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

When I finally pushed open the double doors to the hospital wing, I immediately heard Alice's voice ringing out.

"I'm fine! You already healed my knee and lessened the bruises and I see nor feel any other damage!"

"I still need to check you out for internal injuries, Miss Longbottom," Madam Clearwater spoke.

" _I'm fine_."

"Let her check you out," I said, interrupting their argument. "Better safe than sorry."

Alice jerked her head towards me, surprise shining in her eyes. "What the hell are—oh, Rose told you, didn't she."

I nodded. "Are you okay?"

"I'M FINE!"

I couldn't help but smile. She was pouting irritably as she switched off between glaring at me and glaring at Madam Clearwater but I could see an uneasiness in her eyes that made me want to find Brooks Pruitt and Callum Finch and bash their heads against the wall a couple hundred times.

"What happened?" I asked as Alice reluctantly let Madam Clearwater continue examining her.

"I'm sure Rose told you."

"Not really. I rushed off before she could give me the actual details. So please, fill me in."

She looked at me hesitantly. "If I tell you, it's just going to give you ammunition to rough them up a bit."

"Yes."

She glared at me.

I grinned sheepishly, ignoring the many thoughts running through my mind on how I could punish the two Ravenclaws without getting caught. "Or maybe I am just concerned for my best friend's well-being."

"Or maybe you're already plotting ways to get back at Brooks and Callum."

Damn, she knew me well.

"C'mon, Ace," I pleaded, shaking my head in desperation, "Just tell me what happened."

She let out a frustrated sigh but obliged. "I turned a corner and out of nowhere, Brooks shows up and tells me I'll never get a quaffle past him. I quickly reminded him my scoring percentage against him is 70% which he clearly didn't like and before I knew it, Callum was offering me a nudge down the stairs."

I looked at her skeptically. "A nudge got you an injured knee and bruises on your arms?"

She hesitated. "Alright, so it was a little more than a nudge."

My fists clenched, an explosive feeling of panic settling into my already racing heart. "Yeah, I'm definitely going to kill them."

"No, you're not," she groaned. "That's what they want."

"No, it's what I want."

"No killing on school grounds," Madam Clearwater piped up. "That's a lot of paperwork for me to deal with."

"Fine, I'll kill them in Hogsmeade."

"Works for me."

"Oy, don't go encouraging him!" Alice whined at the nurse.

Madam Clearwater chuckled. "Sorry, but I really don't like the idea of full-grown boys tossing girls down the stairs over a stupid Quidditch match."

Ah, I was with her until the 'stupid Quidditch match' comment.

"What about full-grown boys tossing other full-grown boys down the stairs for tossing a girl down the stairs over a Quidditch match?" I suggested. Notice how I took out the 'stupid' part.

"No killing on school grounds," she repeated.

"I'll make sure they're still breathing."

"How chivalrous of you," Alice muttered. "Are you done examining me yet?"

Madam Clearwater sighed and took a step back. "I suppose but you'll come back if you experience any delayed pain?"

"I'm fine!"

"Sure you are, sweetie," I teased, ruffling the top of her hair.

She swatted at me as she jumped off the table and hurried off towards the door. I thanked Madam Clearwater and then chased after Alice.

"Oy, where do you think you're going?" I called out after her.

"I'M GOING TO GO KILL BROOKS AND CALLUM!"

That's my girl.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

She didn't actually kill them much to my disappointment. She told them they were worthless, bullying pricks who knew how terrible they were at Quidditch that they could only win a game by taking out their opposing star players and even then, they'd still lose.

It was a bit wordy but it got her point across.

"C'mon," I said, draping my arm around her shoulders once Brooks and Callum had run off, "I think it's time for an Emergency Team Meeting."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"I was in the middle of a nice snogfest with the lovely Laikyn so this better be good" were Jax's words as he strode into the Clock Tower.

"Just a snogfest?" I drawled. "How boring."

He rolled his eyes as he took a seat on the ground beside the others. "What is this about?"

"We're still waiting on Hugo and CJ," I growled as I paced the floor.

Jax's eyebrow quirked upward, sighing as he glanced over at Fred. "He looks mad," Jax murmured. "Is he mad?"

"He's mad," Fred confirmed.

"Shut up, you two," I grunted, not in the mood to deal with a comedy routine.

"Definitely mad," Jax muttered.

I glared at him.

Hugo and CJ arrived then, right behind Alice who had gone on a hunt for the two of them (in other words, I checked the Map and saw that they were in the library). "Why in Merlin's name were we dragged from the library for an impromptu meeting?" Hugo drawled, dropping on to the ground next to Cass.

"I think we'd all like the answer to that question," Sadie grumbled.

I turned to look at them all, making it a point to stare into each and every one of their eyes to ensure I had their full attention before saying, "Forty minutes ago, Alice was pushed down the stairs by Brooks and Callum in a rather terrible attempt at taking her out before our Quidditch match."

Outrage filled their faces as gasps and yells spilled from their lips. Fred jumped up off the ground and cried out, "I'LL KILL THEM!"

Alice grabbed his arm and pulled him back down. "Sit down and let James finish."

"Wait, there's more to that story?" Jax scoffed. "I thought by telling us about the attack, that was James' way of saying 'let's band together to kill Brooks and Callum.'"

"No, that wasn't what I was trying to say," I said with the shake of the head. Hesitating, I shrugged. "Actually, I like that better than what I was going to say."

" _Jay_ ," Alice groaned.

"You're right," I said with a nod. "Okay, team, here goes: let's band together to kill Brooks-"

"JAMES!"

I grinned sheepishly. I could see a vein beginning to form in Alice's forehead as she glared at me. "According to the Head Girl, killing those soul-sucking vultures does nothing but get us thrown in jail and then we'll be down a few players and would probably lose the Cup," I sighed.

"So we kill them and then hide the bodies," spoke Hugo with a shrug. "No body, no crime."

Ooh, not a bad suggestion.

"We aren't killing anyone!" Alice groaned. "Bloody hell, I already took care of it so _stay away from them_."

"Please tell me you pushed _them_ down a set of stairs," Cass muttered.

"And stoop to their level? No, I'm better than that."

"I'm not," Fred huffed.

"Nor me," Jax agreed.

"Me neither," CJ said.

"Ditto," spoke Hugo.

"And we all know I don't have a moral bone in my body," I declared.

"I am on a team with a bunch of idiots," Alice sighed.

"I take offense to that," Sadie drawled.

"I wasn't referring to you."

"Oh, then yeah, you're on a team with a bunch of idiots."

The boys seemed unoffended by that, me included. We weren't idiots. We were looking out for our team members. I could have said that but I didn't. "We're getting off-topic," I sighed.

"Yeah, can you just go through your whole speech about not wandering the halls alone?" Alice pleaded.

"No, that's not the topic we strayed from," I argued. "Hugo, where do you think the best place to hide the bodies would be?"

As the team doubled over in laughter, Alice could only groan. "Idiots," she sighed. "All of you."

I chuckled. "Nah, she's right. The Ravenclaws always do this. It's a tactic to get us all riled up and angry so we lose focus on the pitch, but what they don't realize is that it just motivates us to crush them in the match," I spoke with a casual shrug. "But I need all of you safe and healthy for the game, so no wandering the halls alone, keep your eyes peeled for any suspicious behavior, stay vigilant at all times, and for Merlin's sake, work on your dueling skills."

"No duels!" Alice scowled.

"I never said they should duel. Maybe I just care about their academic abilities."

"If you're going to lie, you should at least make it believable."

I grinned. "My point is, if I so much as hear that one of those damned Ravenclaws got the better of you, I'm going to be bloody pissed at you letting them."

"They attack us and somehow it's our fault," Hugo murmured with a roll of the eyes. "Unbelievable."

" _No one is getting attacked_."

"Er…right."

I folded my arms across my body. "Any questions?"

"Yeah," Fred said, raising his hand into the air, "Now is it time to kill Brooks and Callum?"

" _No_ ," Alice snapped.

I ignored Alice, grinning wickedly. "Why, yes, Freddo, I do believe it is."

Sometimes I wonder if Alice feels invisible.

* * *

 **A/N:** Up next: Future plans discussions and a night out on the town


	8. Future Holds

**A/N:** As always, your reviews are much appreciated. They are what motivate me to update. So keep them coming.

* * *

 **WAY WITH WORDS**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 8: Future Holes

" _I don't wanna turn back now, I need this  
Living on the edge of nonexistence  
Wish I could imagine ways to comprehend  
The shadow of my conscience  
I want to understand where I am staying up at night  
Looking for an answer that I will not find  
And if I am afraid of what the future holds  
Then let me live for now before I find out."  
_-Laura Brehm & Evoke

* * *

A few days later I was sitting in Neville's office and for only the second time in seven years, it wasn't because I was in trouble.

Apparently in addition to teaching us and looking out for our general well-being, our Heads of Household were supposed to advise us on our future plans post-graduation.

I only had one future plan. Quidditch. And I hardly think Neville Longbottom was going to be able to provide me with advice on how to make it in the professional Quidditch world.

"Alright, lay it on me, Ol' Nevvie," I said, leaning back in the chair. "Give me your ol' 'school is almost out so you don't have much time to get your act together' speech we both know you're just dying to say."

Behind his desk, Neville only sighed. "One, don't call me Ol' Nevvie. Two, I'm not here to tell you to get your act together. These meetings are scheduled so that I can provide you with friendly advice on how to navigate through the next chapter in your life."

"Do you know anyone on the Cannons?"

"No."

"Then there isn't much advice you can give me, is there?"

Neville said nothing, studying me. Eventually he spoke. "So you want to play Quidditch," he said with a light chuckle as if he knew it was a dumb statement.

Which it was.

"No," I said firmly. "I _will_ play Quidditch."

"I admire your confidence," he said with a slight nod, "And as I've always prided myself on being fully honest with every one of my students, I will tell you that there's not a doubt in my mind that come this time next year, you will most likely be on a professional Quidditch team."

That took me by surprise. I was expecting some sort of pushback or an academic lecture. Not encouragement. The only people who had ever actually outright told me they believed I'd play Quidditch one day was Alice, Fred, and Jax. No one of the adult variety.

"Really?" I asked softly.

He nodded. "You're incredibly talented, James," he said. "And even better, you're motivated. Quidditch seems to be the only thing that inspires you and it's inspiring for the rest of us to watch. You outscored the other chasers in this school by more than double last year. And you could have scored more but you also pride yourself on teamwork so you share in the glory with your chaser teammates. Which is a very admirable quality to have on the pitch. It's easy to score goals. It's harder to share the spotlight but that's what you do."

I could feel the faint heat flickering in my cheeks as Neville spoke. I hadn't realized he had been paying attention to my accomplishments on the field but apparently he has. "How…" I trailed off.

"I pay attention," he answered the unasked question. "All of my students matter to me. Their futures matter to me. Quidditch is your future so I keep myself informed on your accomplishments on the field."

My own parents couldn't bother to care about my accomplishments yet one of their closest friends could.

I pretended not to be bothered by that.

"But," he said, clearing his throat, "And please don't hate me for saying this, that does not mean you should give up on your academics altogether. You may need them one day. Care about Quidditch, James. But try to care about your schoolwork, too."

Ah, there's the lecture.

"That's all I'm going to say on the subject for I know my words of caution to you always go in one ear and out the other, so why don't you tell me how you think Mr. Pruitt and Mr. Finch wound up in the hospital wing last night with buck teeth and long beards?"

I had to hold back my laughter. "Maybe they were going for a different look?"

"James," he warned.

"Personally, I'd be afraid the beard would get in the way of me playing a solid game of Quidditch but that's just one man's opinion.

He sighed. "Why do I ask you questions when I know I'm not going to get an answer?"

I shrugged. "I gave you an answer. Well, an opinion anyway."

" _James_."

There was a weary pleading in his voice that made me sigh. I said nothing at first, running my hands through my messy hair before making the mistake of looking up into the concern in his eyes. Any other time with any other professor, I would have once again insisted on my innocence. I couldn't seem to do it with Neville. "They pushed your daughter down the stairs," I spoke softly.

I saw my professor's jaw tighten. "I'm aware."

"So…" I trailed off, clearing my throat nervously, "You know why we had to do it."

His eyebrow shot up. "You're admitting it?"

I looked at him. "They pushed your daughter down the stairs," I repeated.

He sat back, his lips thinning as he studied me. I couldn't read his expression, his eyebrows knitting together as he tiled his head to the side. He just looked at me, not saying anything or doing anything except blinking occasionally. "Retaliation isn't the answer, James," he sighed, reaching for his quill. "You can get back to class now."

I stared back at him, surprise settling into my expression. "That's it?"

Translation: no detention?

He nodded as he glanced down at the papers on his desk. "That's it."

I hesitated before slowly lifting myself out of the chair and heading towards the door.

"James?"

Dammit, so close to getting away with it.

I turned back around with a grimace. "Yeah?"

Neville looked up, his expression twisted into one of desperate gratitude. "Thank you for always looking out for her."

I didn't know what to say to that but it appeared he didn't expect a response as he returned to viewing the parchments in front of him.

As you've probably already gathered, authority figures and I didn't always get along. I was a rebellious teenager who talked back and sassed them more than I paid attention and respected them. But I realized then as I turned around and walked out of Neville's office that Neville and I had one very big thing in common.

We cared more about Alice Longbottom than we probably cared about ourselves.

 **XOXOXOXO**

* * *

I didn't bother going back to History of Magic. We had been studying the 1990s over the past few weeks and it was only a matter of time before class became all about how my father and his now-married friends saved the word from total domination. I probably would have learned a lot seeing as my parents kept me in the dark about most of their war activities but it would have pissed me off hearing about it from a ghost instead of my own family so opting not to go was ultimately saving my temper from flaring up.

I had a Transfiguration essay due the next morning so instead of heading back to my room where I would have been distracted by my playbook, I ventured towards Alice's living quarters and dropped on to her bed to finish analyzing human versus animal transfiguration.

A half hour later, the door opened and Alice wandered in. She was dropping her books on to her desk when I said, "Hey."

She whirled around with a shriek, her hand clutching her chest as she let out a gasping breath. " _Bloody hell, Jay, are you trying to give me a heart attack?"_

I grinned sheepishly, folding my essay in half and shoving it into my bag. "Sorry, should I have been wearing my cat bell to announce my presence?"

"What the hell are you even doing in here?" she groaned. "You missed class."

"I had my advising session with your father this morning. You know that."

"And that took all class?"

"Not exactly," I said with a grin.

She rolled her eyes, leaning up against her desk with crossed arms. "We learned about the sorceror's stone today and how your father stopped Voldemort from getting his hands on it."

"Aw, shucks, and I missed it?" I drawled with very heavy sarcasm.

She offered me a small apologetic smile. "Why do I get the feeling you'll be missing a lot of History of Magic this year?"

She didn't even seem too bothered by that.

First, her father inadvertently thanked me for hexing a student (two students actually). And now she didn't seem to care that I clearly planned to skive off classes for the remainder of the year.

I was beginning to wonder if I had ventured into the Twilight Zone.

"How was your one-on-one with Dad?" Alice asked, falling on to the bed beside me.

I didn't answer right away. "Weird" is what I eventually settled on.

Her eyebrow shot upward. "Weird how?"

"He thanked me for putting Pruitt and Finch in the hospital wing."

She blinked before sitting up. "Something tells me there's more to that story."

I chuckled. "Okay, so he didn't actually thank me. But I admitted to him it was me and he didn't punish me."

She looked at me with hesitant eyes. "Probably because he would have liked to be the one hexing those two prats but has to pretend to remain neutral."

I shrugged. "Good thing I took care of it then."

"After I told you not to."

"Eh, when have I ever really listened to you anyway?" I teased, reaching over to poke her in the ribs.

She swatted me away. "I mean it, Jay," she spoke in a clipped tone. "I can take care of myself and it's really unnerving that you apparently don't think I can."

I blinked in surprise, glancing over at her hesitantly. "This has nothing to do with whether I think you can take care of yourself," I argued. " _You were shoved down the stairs, Ace_. You could have been really hurt."

"But I wasn't."

I turned my gaze away, staring off towards her desk so as not to look at her. "But you could have been," I spoke softly as the hairs on the back of my neck stood up at the mere possibility.

There was a long silence as she lay down on the bed beside me, nudging me with her elbow. "I'm fine, Jay," she spoke, leaning her head against my forearm.

I just nodded, ignoring an unexpected panic in my heart at the very idea that Alice could have been a lot worse off than she was. I knew she was fine but that didn't make me hate Brooks or Callum any less for thinking it was okay to toss a girl down the stairs.

I needed to change the subject. "Hey, I never asked. How did your one-on-one with Daddy Dearest go?" I asked, turning to her with a curious gaze.

She said nothing at first, her eyes meeting mine with a faint hint of uncertainty. Eventually she shrugged. "It was fine."

"That's it?" I teased. "That's all you're going to give me?"

"What more is there to say?" she chuckled. "I realize he's my dad but talking to him about the future is a little strange when we're trying to do it as a professor-student relationship instead of father-daughter."

My brow furrowed curiously. "Why does there have to be a difference?"

I sensed the sudden change in her demeanor almost immediately as her prior smile faded and her frown held an unexpected tension I wasn't expecting to see. I knew I wasn't imagining it when she suddenly lifted herself off the bed and headed back over to her desk, turning her back on me so I couldn't see her expression. "There just is," she spoke vaguely as she reached for her bag. "I have to head to the library to finish my Potions essay before dinner. I'm assuming you won't join me?"

The incredibly abrupt segue baffled me as I gaped at her in bewilderment.

"I'll take that as a no," she teased. "Try not to make a mess of my room, will you?"

"Hold up, Ace, what-"

"See you at dinner," she cut me off, flashing me a smile before disappearing out the door.

I blinked as the room was plunged into silence upon her departure.

"What the hell just happened?" I said to the empty air.

 **XOXOXOXO**

* * *

I knew Fred would most likely be at dinner exactly at five o'clock so I ventured off to the Great Hall at that time. As expected, he was already wolfing down a couple of pieces of grilled chicken when I slid into the Gryffindor table opposite him.

When I had left Alice's bedroom, it had suddenly occurred to me that I actually had no clue what Alice wanted to do after graduation. Whenever our potential futures came up, she had always been incredibly skilled at pushing the subject back on me and my Quidditch dreams. Sometimes, she'd dream with me and we'd talk about joining a team together as an invincible pair but it had always seemed like just a fantasy to her instead of a genuine goal.

She was the smartest witch in school and could do anything with her life. Yet, I knew nothing about what she wanted that 'anything' to be.

I hoped that didn't make me a bad friend. An oblivious one, perhaps. But I liked to think I knew plenty of other small intimate details about Alice Longbottom that the unknown surrounding her future hopes and goals wasn't completely appalling.

"Gee, you planning on leaving any for the rest of us?" I teased, piling my plate full of potatoes and fried fish fillets.

"Nah," Fred smirked in between bites.

I shoveled a potato in my mouth before I spoke again. "Do you know what Ace's plans are after graduation?"

Fred's fork stopped midway to his mouth as he glanced up in bewilderment. "What? Why would I know?"

I shrugged. "Just thought you might."

Fred stuffed the piece of chicken into his mouth, his eyes never leaving mine. "If anyone here would know the particulars of Alice Longbottom's life, it would be you."

I let out a sad sigh. "I know," I muttered. "But I don't."

"Ah, and that's bugging you?"

I said nothing at first, realizing only then how much it bugged me. "I know everything else about her. Why not this?"

"Because you're a selfish bastard who never bothered to ask?"

I glared at him. "Let's store that comment under the 'not helping' category."

He shrugged. "She never mentioned anything to you?"

"We've talked about the future before but it was mostly in hypotheticals," I murmured. "Sure, the subject of playing Quidditch together has been dreamed about more than once but in the past few years, she's completely shied away from that conversation which makes me wonder if that's not what she wants to do anymore. And she says all the time how she'd one day like to travel the world to exotic places with her sketchpad and paintbrush, but I don't think she's ever really been serious about that."

Fred's eyebrow popped up. "And what if she is?"

I frowned. "You think she wants to travel the world painting? You think that's her plan?"

He hesitated before shaking his head. "No, but I think she'd like to not be tied down to London."

That comment struck me as odd. "Who says she's tied down to London?"

When he met my gaze, I saw an unexpected flicker of regret staring back at me before Fred averted his eyes back on his plate. He said nothing at first, shuffling the peas around his plate before speaking. "It's where her family-owned pub and inn are. That means she's tied down," he murmured with a shrug. He glanced back up at me with a shrug. "Family businesses have a tendency to suck people in, mate."

I was stunned to hear a sadness in his words. I put my fork down on my plate as I studied my friend closely. His words made it seem as if he was convinced Alice would inevitably go into business with her father and sister at the Leaky Cauldron, though I can't ever remember a time Alice made any sort of reference towards that.

Either way, I put Alice's plans aside for a moment as I asked Fred the question burning in my throat. "Do you feel sucked into helping your father with the joke shop?"

Fred winced. It was brief, barely noticeable, but I saw it. "I want to help him."

The words sounded hollow. "Do you?"

Fred shrugged. "It's all Dad has ever spoken about. Passing on the family business to his son. It gives me something to do and it makes him happy and it's not like I'm not proficient in the art of jokes and pranks. So why not?"

It sounded as if Fred was only joining forces with his father because his father wanted to. Fred hasn't always been the most disciplined or motivated person I know so it would make sense for him to jump at an opportunity to go down the easy, nepotistic path where he barely had to work for it, but I suddenly wondered then if being undisciplined or unmotivated came after he knew he would be forced into the family business. As if there was no reason to be driven academically or professionally.

"Because maybe it's not about what makes your father happy but what makes you happy," I suggested.

"Making my dad happy does make me happy," he spoke immediately as if rehearsed.

"Have you ever considered playing Quidditch?" I wondered.

He glanced towards me curiously. "Not really, no."

"You could," I mused out loud. "You're certainly good enough. You have the best aim rate out of any beater in the school."

"I'll let my mother be the Quidditch star in the family," he said dismissively. "I'm fine with going into business with my dad."

"Are you though?"

He shot me a warning glare. "Yeah, James, I am."

There was another flicker of iciness in his tone that told me to drop the subject so I did, instead letting my thoughts wander back to Alice.

Unlike Fred who felt no determination in the things he did, Alice was the most driven and ambitious person I knew. She worked incredibly hard to be the best version of herself and there wasn't a doubt in my mind that she could do anything she wanted to if it interested her. So Fred working with his father made sense. The idea that Alice would be stuck behind some bar pouring drinks for alcoholics and dealing with complaining guests made me feel unexpectedly sad for her.

I wondered if she hadn't bothered to mention it to me because the very idea of being tied down by family obligations was something that made her feel just as sad as I felt about it.

"Do me a favor," Fred spoke up, interrupting my thoughts.

"Yeah, what is it?"

"When you interrogate AliCat about whether or not she feels tied down to the pub, have some tact."

I scoffed. "Who said I was planning on interrogating Ace?"

Fred just smirked.

"And I always have tact," I added as an afterthought.

To that, he laughed.

He was right to. My tact was definitely lacking.

We chatted about that night's Quidditch practice and discussed the possibility of pranking the Ravenclaw team during one of their practices before Alice showed up to dinner. She greeted us with a smile as she slid on to the bench beside me.

"Do you feel compelled to go into business with your father and sister after we graduate?" was how I greeted her.

Alice could only stare at me while Fred chimed in with a groan. "Bloody hell, mate, you call that tact?"

I shrugged. Like I said before, tact wasn't a talent of mine.

"What are you…" Alice trailed off shakily.

"Is that why you've never bothered to mention what your plans are post-graduation?" I said, placing my fork down and giving her my utmost attention. "Because you think you'll be stuck helping your family with the Leaky Cauldron?"

Her eyes flickered with several emotions – confusion, shock, frustration, disappointment, and most of all regret – as she continued to stare at me, clearly not sure how to navigate the conversation I was forcing upon her. Her eyes finally strayed from mine as she stole a glance towards Fred. "You had something to do with this, didn't you."

Fred suddenly became very busy checking out the skin on his chicken.

She sighed, glancing back at me though the jungle of emotions were now replaced with reluctance. "Could I at least get in a biscuit or two before you hound me?" she muttered, turning away from my scrutinizing stare to grab a biscuit.

"Ace," I sighed, pleading with her.

She buttered her biscuit, refusing to look up at me. Stealing a bite, she finally spoke. "I don't _think_ I'll be stuck helping my father and AJ," she muttered. "I know I will."

"But is that what you want to do?"

She stalled again, taking another series of bites. "When Mum died, AJ dropped everything to help take care of me. Yes, Dad was around but he was busy with the pub and the inn and then he went back to work so AJ looked after me. I had needed her then and she needs me now. She hasn't had a break in five years and she deserves one. So yes, I'll be partnering up with her to manage the bar. And one day I'll buy out Dad and he can just focus on teaching full-time. It's a win for everyone."

"Except you," I spoke softly.

She looked at me sharply. "Who says?"

I frowned. "You're allowed to have dreams, Ace, and you're allowed to go after them."

"Do you think AJ's dream was to take over the Leaky Cauldron?" she countered. "No, but she did it anyway."

She sounded so sure of herself and yet I could see the sadness in her blue eyes. "You don't have to be your sister."

"I'm not trying to be her. I'm trying to help her."

That comment propelled a shudder of irritation through my heart. Just because her sister went down one path didn't mean Alice had to follow in the same footsteps. I knew the irritation was shining in my voice as I spoke next. "So you've worked your ass off for seven years and got that coveted Head Girl position to…what, become a glorified barmaid?"

" _James_ ," Fred hissed at the same time that Alice slammed her palm against the table and stood up abruptly.

"Just because you resent your family and everything they stand for doesn't mean the rest of us are dying to run far, far away from our roots and never look back," she barked. "In case you don't remember, James, _my mother is dead_. So AJ and my father are all I have left and I would do anything to make them happy because they deserve that for all the sacrifices they made for me."

She stormed off then and I didn't bother calling after her because I would have had more conjectures about how she was allowed to be happy, too, and she shouldn't feel obligated to her family just because she lost her mother.

And if you thought she was angry now, those comments would have sent me straight to the hospital from a well-aimed hex.

"What in the world is the matter with you, James?"

With a grimace, I glanced towards Fred who looked livid. I tried to remember if I had ever seen Fred angry before. I came up blank. "Fred-"

"You don't understand," he cut me off coolly, "You don't know what it's like to feel an obligation towards your family. It's not because we feel indebted to them, it's because we love them."

"I know, but-"

"No, you don't know," he sighed. "AliCat was right. You don't have any loyalty to your family. You would pick your life up and move to a foreign country today if it meant never having to deal with your father again. So you really don't have a damned clue what she's thinking or feeling because that's not something you can even remotely empathize with."

"Gee, I'm sorry that my mother or my father's twin brother didn't keel over leaving me with this overwhelming feeling to please my family, but-"

That was when I got a glass of pumpkin juice to the face.

"You're an asshole, James."

And then Fred was gone, too.

Sighing, I reached for a napkin and wiped the pumpkin juice from my face.

Remember when I said I wasn't very tactful? I think it was time I learned how to be better at it.

 **XOXOXOXO**

* * *

Practice that night was, in short, awful. Alice wouldn't talk to me, Fred used me as his sole target practice, and the rest of the team could feel the tension, which made them hesitant and shaky as Quidditch players.

"You guys are hopeless today!" I eventually said when it was clear the past two hours had been a waste. "Just…hit the showers. We'll pick this up on Wednesday."

They all rushed off to the clubhouse, leaving me behind to gather the equipment. I was fine with that. I needed time alone to figure out how to rectify things with Alice and Fred for I had a feeling just an apology wouldn't cut it.

"James?"

I glanced over my shoulder as Jax sauntered up. "Showers are the other way, Bloch."

"What's going on with you, AliCat, and Fred?"

"None of your damned business."

He sighed. "Not sure if you're aware of this but that was the worst practice we've had all year."

"That's what happens when your teammates aren't too fond of you," I grumbled.

He hesitated. "So it's safe to say it's your fault your two friends are ignoring you?"

I glared at him. "Fred's not avoiding me. He spent all practice tailing me."

"So he could smash your head in with bludgers."

"Didn't work. My head is very much intact."

Jax rolled his eyes. "I'm just saying that we have less than two weeks until the-"

"Match against Ravenclaw," I finished. "Yeah, I'm aware of that, Bloch. I am the Captain if you recall."

"Then be a Captain and fix this."

I sent him another glare. "Why do you even care what's going on with me, Ace, and Fred? It doesn't concern you."

He didn't say anything immediately as he glanced up at me with a slow shrug. "I have never once seen you three fight. _Not once_. And I've known you for two and half years now," he explained awkwardly. "I just don't want this to be a habit. You three make being on this team rewarding no matter what happens at the end of the day. I can be having the shittiest day on the planet, but it all goes away when I step on to the pitch. To me, coming out on to this pitch isn't work, it's fun. Even when you're forcing us to do laps or boring us with endless match recordings, it's worth it just to be a part of this team. I don't want this to feel like work, James."

Jax had always been the funny sidekick who lived off of sarcastic comments and wit. It's why he fit in so well with the rest of us. So I was shocked and yet oddly flattered by the words of gratitude and devotion.

Which only made me feel guiltier for screwing things up with Alice and Fred.

I sighed and nodded. "I'll fix it."

 **XOXOXOXO**

* * *

Fred was in our bedroom when I got back. He barely looked up when I walked in though he didn't throw a shoe or a book at my head so I had to think that was a good sign.

"I'm an asshole, Fred," I greeted him.

He glanced up from the Quidditch catalog he was flipping through. "I believe I pointed that out to you at dinner."

"I know. I'm just confirming it," I murmured. "I'm, uh…I'm sorry for bringing up your father's twin brother. It was shitty of me."

He stared at me reluctantly, a few seconds of awkward silence passing between us, before he glanced back down at the catalog. "I really need some new Quidditch gloves. The ones I have no are starting to wear thin."

I blinked, the segue taking me aback. "Er…are you saying I should buy them for you to bribe back your friendship?"

Fred couldn't help but laugh, shooting me a look of absurdity. "Why would I ask you to do a thing like that? Our friendship is just fine."

I stared at him again. "Wait, what?"

He shrugged, his eyes returning to the pages in front of him. "I called you an asshole, threw pumpkin juice in your face, and spent all practice slamming bludgers at your head. I'm over it now."

Once again, I was staring. "Wait, _what_?" I repeated.

I saw his lips curl into a smirk. "That, and you just apologized to me which you have never done in the seventeen years I've known you."

I shrugged, not even remotely perturbed by the veiled insult. "Yeah, well, I only apologize when I mean it. And sometimes, I don't even do it then."

Fred snuck me a smile. "I know."

I was baffled for a mere moment before realizing that he was trying to say. Me apologizing to him showed that I was actually regretful with the blunt words I spoke, which seemed to be enough for Fred. I let out a slight sigh of relief that I didn't have to have an in-depth conversation about whatever insecurities Fred may have with his father.

I had a feeling that I wouldn't just be able to get away with a simple apology to Alice.

As I lay down on my bed with a yawn, I said, "You should have just said yes to me bribing you with Quidditch gloves. You would have gotten free gloves out of it."

He lifted his head in contemplation. "Fuck, why didn't I think of that?"

 **XOXOXOXO**

* * *

I had tried stopping by Alice's room but Rudy had stopped me in their common room to tell me she wasn't there. I wasn't entirely sure I believed him but if Alice really didn't want to speak to me, she would have been angrier had I tried pushing it.

So that's how I ended up at breakfast the next morning constantly glancing up at the Great Hall anytime a student entered the room. I had already watched ten students go by with no sign of Alice so far.

"You're giving me a headache with all of that neck-craning of yours."

I shot Fred a sideways glance. "I need to talk to her."

"You will. But giving yourself a pulled muscle in the meantime isn't going to help."

I sighed as I went back to my sausage patty, though that didn't stop me from stealing glances towards the entrance every few minutes.

My surveillance got sidetracked by the Owl Post when my family's familiar owl came soaring towards me. I had only one guess as to what it probable would say.

I wasn't wrong.

 _James,_

 _Getting ready for that big match of yours, I presume? I'd be incredibly surprised if your head wasn't currently nose-deep in that playbook of yours._

 _I'm looking forward to being at your first match as Captain. Your father unfortunately won't be able to make it. He's out of the country on business and won't be back until Sunday. But don't worry, I'll be cheering you on for the both of us. I fully expect to lose my voice by the end of the match._

 _Good luck. I know you probably don't need it. Fred has been telling his father that you may be a ruthless hardass who loves exerting your power by forcing laps on the team but that your ruthlessness makes you one hell of a Captain._

 _Oh, don't tell Fred I told you that._

 _Love,_

 _Mum_

"Letter from your mother?"

I glanced up as Fred addressed me but said nothing, tossing the letter in his direction and returning to the sausage on my plate.

There was definite pity in Fred's eyes even though he tried covering it up with a forced smile as he read. When he got to the end, he scowled. "I told my father not to say anything!"

I shrugged. "Don't worry about it," I teased. "I _am_ a ruthless hardass. Oh, and you're definitely doing laps tomorrow night."

He rolled his eyes. "That's the last time I talk about you in my letters home."

"And I'm supposed to be upset by that?"

He tossed a slice of bacon at me which I scooped up and chucked into my mouth.

"I'm sorry, mate."

I stiffened. I had really hoped he wouldn't allude to the fact that my father would be absent from the stands on match day. "Whatever, I don't care."

We both know I did.

I wish I could understand why my father was so keen on being unsupportive regarding my Quidditch participation. He played Quidditch once and he loved it. Granted, he also had a hell of a lot of other stuff going on, but he always said it was nice to use Quidditch as an excuse to momentarily forget about the war and just focus on the game. I had thought we shared in our obsession with Quidditch but as I became more and more involved in it, he seemed to be more and more reluctant. I knew he thought I was focusing on Quidditch at the expense of my schoolwork but that shouldn't stop him from coming to my matches. That shouldn't stop him from cheering me on.

And it shouldn't stop him from caring.

If I was anyone other than a sulking teenager, I might have wondered if there was more to his detachment than his easy ability to stop caring about me.

But I was a sulking teenager so I chose to assume the worst.

 **XOXOXOXO**

* * *

Alice hadn't shown up for breakfast so I was forced to head off to Potions early. Wandering into the classroom, I was pleased to see she was already there.

I took the empty seat beside her while she didn't even bother to acknowledge my presence.

"I've been told I'm an asshole," I declared.

Her jaw tightened.

"I don't know the way these things work," I muttered, continuing to talk even though Alice was ignoring me. "Families I mean. I may have one but I don't know how to navigate them."

There was a flicker of irritation in her eyes but otherwise she remained unmoving.

I continued. "I don't know what it's like to feel grateful or obligated towards my family just for being who they are."

Still nothing.

This was going to be harder than I thought.

"I know what I said was horrible, but I hope you know that all I've ever wanted is for you to be happy and I-"

"Then let me be happy."

My eyes narrowed at the unexpected interruption. "Helping out with the family business will make you happy?" I asked cautiously.

She said nothing.

"I want you to be able to go after your dreams," I spoke with a shrug. "I want you to do what _you_ want to do, not what you think you're expected to do. If this is what you want, _what you truly want_ , no matter the reason, I'll support you as I always do. I just don't want you to regret it later in life. You deserve the best, Ace. The very best. And living with regrets isn't it."

She blinked, a hesitant frown in her wary expression. She said nothing at first though I noticed a certain softness in her eyes that had replaced the frustration that had been there moments earlier. Turning to me, she smiled a smile that didn't' reach her eyes but did seem to exude gratitude. "Has anyone ever told you that you have a way with words?" she spoke softly.

I smiled. "Only you. And only because you bring out the best of me."

She looked at me but only for a moment before she turned away, saying nothing as she stared back down at her notes. The silence trickled on until she finally spoke. "I can't tell my dad or my sister I don't want to be a part-owner in the pub and inn."

If she had just said then that she wanted to work with her family, I would have let it go. But her statement told me that the fear of disappointing her father and sister outweighed her actual desires. Desires that were still unknown to me.

"Why not?" I prodded, though I had a pretty good guess.

She twirled a stray piece of hair around her fingers as she turned away from my gaze. "Ever since Mum died, they spent their lives taking care of me. It's my turn to take care of them."

Though I didn't completely understand the concept of a family bond, I recognized how much Alice had always loved her father and sister. I had been jealous of it at times, not that I ever told her that. So a small part of me recognized that she wanted to show them how much she appreciated them. But I really didn't like the idea that that came at the expense of her hopes and dreams.

"If you could do anything in the world, what would it be?" I questioned.

She blinked at the random segue. "I don't know."

I hesitated. "I think you do."

Her lips pursed. "I'm Head Girl. I'm supposed to want to become the Minister of Magic one day or be the CEO of some major company or save the world or be a mini-version of your Aunt Hermione."

"Please don't turn into my Aunt Hermione," I shuddered. "And I didn't ask what you're supposed to do. I asked what you wanted to do."

She said nothing at first, hesitation flickering in her eyes. I could see she had an answer but was scared to admit it. I poked her in the side. "Tell me, Ace," I pleaded. "What do you want to do when you graduate?"

She met my gaze, the hesitation still there but this time it was mixed with determination. "You and I have been dreaming about playing Quidditch in the big leagues ever since we were kids," she murmured. "I've never stopped wanting that."

I now knew why she always avoided the subject when I've brought it up in the recent years and it wasn't because she didn't want to play. It was because she didn't want to get her hopes up if she ended up working beside her sister. "You can have that," I urged. "You're an incredible chaser, Ace. You're fast and you pick up plays quickly and your scoring rate is off the charts. You can be a professional Quidditch player easily."

"It's just a dream," she argued hastily with a swift shake of the head.

"It can be more than that," I urged.

She shook her head again. "I didn't spend my entire life working my arse off to then not use it," she murmured.

I saw the uncertainty in her eyes and I knew almost immediately the burden she was feeling, not that I'd ever accuse her of what I believed was the blatant truth. Because even though she did get Head Girl based off her own merits, I knew that such a big part of her had spent her life immersed in her studies as some sort of backwards way of making her mother's memory proud. It made her feel close to her mother, as if a good grade made Alice feel as if her Mum was there to congratulate her, to tell her just how proud she was of her hard-working daughter. I never told Alice this for she'd feel hurt that I'd ever accuse her of spending her life trying to claim some type of approval from a nonexistent being, but I also knew that a lot of what Alice did wasn't for herself but for her mother.

Hence why she felt obligated to help her family after graduation instead of going after the only thing she ever really wanted for herself.

"You'll be incredible at anything you do," I reminded her. "Don't not go after your dream because you're afraid to want it."

She could only sigh. "It doesn't matter anyway," she muttered. "I'm going to help out my sister at the inn and the pub and it'll make me happy because my family will be happy."

I wanted to tell her that that wasn't going to make her happy, it was just going to make her regretful, but decided I didn't want that fight on my hands. So I went with a different tactic. "The plan is to eventually buy your father out so he can focus on being a professor and you and AJ can focus on the Leaky Cauldron, right?"

She nodded hesitantly.

"So the way I see it, you have two options here," I spoke, turning to face her with a firm stare. "One, you can start out as manager and spend the next ten years saving up the money you'll need to do so. Or..."

"Or what?" she prodded.

I shrugged. "Or you can play Quidditch for a year or two and make enough money to buy out all of Diagon Alley and hell, still have enough money to buy a much-deserved summer vacation for the three of you."

She rolled her eyes. "I don't want all of Diagon Alley," she spoke.

"Fine, buy a dragon then."

"I don't want a dragon either."

"Really? But wouldn't it be so cool to tell people you have a pet dragon?"

She chuckled. "Yeah, but could you imagine the upkeep? I'd take a unicorn maybe."

"Fine, buy a unicorn," I laughed.

A small smile slid on to her face, though I saw the apprehension in her eyes. "You make it sound so easy."

I slowly shook my head. "I know it's not. But call me crazy, I kinda, sorta, care about what happens to you in the future because I kinda, sorta care about you."

She snuck a peek at me as she offered me a smile. "You're a really good friend, y'know that?"

"Of course. I'm good at everything I do."

She shoved me with her elbow, though that didn't stop a laugh from escaping. "I appreciate the advice," she said, her chuckles fading. "But I think this is something I have to figure out on my own."

Somehow, I knew she'd say that. So all I could do was nod and say, "I know. But I'm here if and when you need me."

She turned to look at me then with an unreadable expression on her face, one that was a mix of awe and gratitude and even slight panic, but I didn't have enough time to analyze it before she turned away and said, "I know."

 **XOXOXOXO**

* * *

"My back is aching, my legs feel like they're about to fall off, my arse is numb from sitting on that broom day in and day out, and I haven't slept in days due to your crazy practice schedule. _I need a night out_."

That was how Fred greeted me on Thursday evening when he stormed through the bedroom door.

My head was (obviously) in my infamous playbook when Fred had taken his dramatic turn so I closed it with a shrug and said, "Hogsmeade?"

He grinned. "That didn't take much to convince you."

"Nah, because I plan to spend the forty-five minute trek reminding you that all of those aches and pains you're complaining about will all be worth it when we grab the brooms right out from underneath those spineless Ravenclaws, metaphorically speaking."

He hesitated. "On second thought, maybe I'll ask AliCat to sneak into Hogsmeade with me instead."

I chuckled, scrambling off my bed and digging through my bedside table until my hands fell on the Map. "We have to invite Jax. He said if we ever snuck into Hogsmeade without him, he'd plan a beater strike for the day of a match."

Fred snorted. "Unlikely. He hates to lose nearly as much as you do."

He made a good point.

"The problem with him coming along is we'll all get back late, way after curfew, so Jett will notice and will ultimately mention it to Harley who will obviously mention it to Rose and then we get chewed out by the redhead," he reminded me.

"To which we remind Rosie that she has no proof and can't charge us with detention or take off points."

"That doesn't stop her from chewing us out."

"Nothing would stop her from doing that. I'm fairly certain chewing people out is her favorite pastime."

"Yes, but it's nice to avoid the wrath of the scary redhead if at all possible. Let her chew other people out for a change."

"We're wasting quality drinking time debating this."

Fred laughed. "C'mon, let's go. I'm assuming we'll be stopping by the Head Dorm as well?"

"If we ever snuck into Hogsmeade without Ace, she'd cut our dicks off."

"I know. And I'm rather partial to my dick."

I smirked. "So are all the girls in this school, mate."

 **XOXOXOXO**

* * *

Alice had a mountain of prefect paperwork plus two essays she was planning on finishing, so naturally she joined us.

Such a role model our Head Girl is.

In case it wasn't clear, both of those statements were coated in heavy sarcasm.

Along with Fred, Alice, and Jax, we caught Dash walking back into the Gryffindor common room as we were leaving it so he joined along, too.

A new pub had opened up at the very end of Hogsmeade a few years back so the five of us wandered through the door and claimed a booth in the bar area. The lights were dimmed low and there was loud music playing while a makeshift dance floor had been formed in the middle of the room that made the pub seem more like a club than just a bar.

Fred's eyes scanned the room as I asked the group what drinks they wanted.

"Oy, already on the prowl for a girl to flirt with?" I asked, elbowing him in the side.

He shook his head. "Dad comes into this pub every once in a while. I was making sure he wasn't here."

"Would it matter?" I smirked. "He'd probably join us for a beer or two."

Fred chuckled but didn't argue. Probably because he knew I was right.

"What do you want to drink, Freddo?"

He shot me a look. "What do I always want?"

"Lager it is," I responded, grabbing Alice's arm. "I need help carrying the drinks."

She rolled her eyes but followed me to the bar. "If I get caught out of school on a non-Hogsmeade night, I'm pretty sure I'd get my badge stripped," she contemplated as we weaved our way through the crowd. It wasn't terribly busy though I suppose that was expected for a weekday evening.

"It's not like we held a wand to your head, Ace," I pointed out. "You came voluntarily."

"Oh, I know. I'm just telling you that if we get caught, I plan to tell McGonagall you Imperiused me."

"I don't even know how to Imperius someone."

"Who do you think she'll believe? Me, the Head Girl, or you, the troublemaker?"

"I'll just give her my best puppy dog face and remind her that my father is _the_ Harry Potter who we all know she adores and she'll be putty in my hands."

"Not when I remind her that my father works on her staff who we all know she adores."

I hesitated. "Dammit, I'm all out of arguments."

She grinned triumphantly.

"Guess we'll just have to not get caught," I chuckled as I ordered the drinks. We carried them back to the booth the other three had occupied in our absence.

"So where's the ball and chain tonight?" I questioned Dash as I settled into the bench beside him.

He rolled his eyes. "Studying I'm assuming."

"Shouldn't you know her whereabouts at all times?" Fred questioned curiously. "I mean, the girl is hot. She could be easily stepping out on you, mate."

Alice elbowed him with a groan, though I found it amusing that Dash barely flinched. "Trust, mate. It comes with the whole loving each other thing."

As Fred and I made it a point to pretend to gag at the very thought, Alice rolled her eyes at us. "You two are so immature."

"Guess the ladies like immature then," Fred smirked, winking at her.

She blinked. "Yeah, never wink at me again."

He grinned. "You love me."

"Only because I've known you since birth. If I had met you as an eleven-year-old, I definitely would have hexed you years ago."

"You did hex him years ago," I chimed in with a smirk. "When he commented in our fourth year on what a nice rack you developed over the summer."

He blanched while Dash and Jax doubled over in laughter at the reminder. At our Quidditch kickoff party when drinks were involved, Fred was sloshed when he thought it'd be safe to make an offhanded comment about her perky breasts.

He wound up in the hospital wing for twenty-four hours.

Alice shrugged. "It was a sexist comment and he deserved to be knocked out for it."

"I was drunk at the time," he whined.

"And that makes it okay?" she shot back.

He slumped down on the bench with a wince. "I feel like the right answer here is no…"

I could see she was trying hard not to smile. "How you've charmed all the other girls in this school into sleeping with you is a mystery to me," she drawled.

"To them, a comment about their racks is a compliment," I teased.

"Then they're idiots."

"Of course they are," Jax chimed in with a grin, "They're sleeping with Fred, aren't they?"

"Oy, don't make me pour my drink over that crisp white shirt of yours, Blockhead!" he scoffed.

"Now why would you go and do a thing like that?" Dash smirked with the shake of the head.

"Because he deserves it," Fred huffed.

"No, I mean, why would you empty _your_ drink on his clothes when you could empty his?"

Fred grinned as Jax elbowed Dash in the side. "Oy, don't go giving him ideas, Finnigan!"

As we all roared with laughter, we were interrupted by an unexpected voice. "Well, well, well, what do we have here?"

We all froze in shock as we turned towards the all-too-familiar voice.

"Bishop?" Jax finally spoke, the awe in his voice unmistakable. "I didn't know you knew how to have fun."

Sadie rolled her eyes. "And I didn't know how much of a prat you were," she drawled. Hesitating, she shook her head. "No, wait, I definitely did know that."

"What are you doing here?" I spoke up. "And who are you here with?"

Come to think of it, I couldn't ever recall Sadie hanging around other people. I was convinced she lacked friends altogether.

"None of your business," she drawled, the usual coolness in her eyes flickering with irritation.

I rolled my eyes. Why I bothered talking to her at all was a total mystery to me.

Oh, right, she was my seeker.

Damn her for being so bloody talented.

"Aw, did you come alone? Hermit Sadie couldn't deal with being lonely in her own room so she decided to be lonely at a bar?" Jax teased her. "I hate to break it to you but that's even more pathetic, Bishop."

"Fuck off, Bloch," she scoffed before turning on her heel and storming off.

"Ah, how I love pissing her off," he smirked.

"One of these days she's going to take your beater bat and pound your head into the ground," I pointed out, not entirely sure I was joking.

"The girl is pocket-sized. I think I could take her."

"You underestimate her," Alice pointed out with a shake of the head. "She may be tiny but the girl is ripped. Rose says she does a hundred push-ups before bed every night."

"Yeah, when was the last time you did any push-ups?" I snorted.

Jax hesitated before shrugging. "I still say I can take her."

"You could always sit on her," Dash contemplated. "You are about five times her size so you have that going for you."

I couldn't help but burst into laughter. "So what you're saying is the only way Jax could beat her in a one-on-one fight is if he resorts to _sitting_ on her?"

Dash grinned. "Yeah, that's precisely what I'm saying."

While the entire table fell into hysterical laughter, Fred chime in with, "Hey, remember when we thought calling her Small Sadie was a creative nickname?"

" _You_ thought it was a creative nickname," Alice argued. "I always told you it was stupid."

"Is the Head Girl allowed to call her students stupid?" he scoffed.

"I wasn't a Head Girl then."

"Are prefects allowed to call the students stupid?"

"I am when they're being stup-"

"Holy shit," Jax cut her off with a growl.

We all glanced towards him in confusion but noticed he was looking over our heads at something on the other side of the bar.

"What? What is it?" I questioned.

"Well, I found out who Sadie is here with," he said, nodding to where his eyes were glued to.

Whirling around eagerly, we all searched for the petite brunette and her guest. When we spotted them, we all let out gasps of shock and protest.

"You have got be bloody kidding me," I scoffed. " _What the hell is she doing here with Brooks Pruitt_?"

 **XOXOXOXO**

* * *

It took all of five seconds for us to dash out of the booth and confront the pair.

"What the hell is the meaning of this, Bishop?" I scowled at my seeker.

With an eye roll, she pulled her gaze away from Brooks, who looked far too gleeful for my taste. "This is called a conversation. It's what two people do when they want to share a dialogue with one another. I understand that you much prefer just talking to hear your own voice and never letting anyone else get in a word edgewise, but some of us aren't that self-absorbed."

I considered smashing her glass over her head but thought better of it when I realized I needed her for Saturday's game. "You do know there's such thing as a _Code_ , right?" I snapped.

She looked confused. "What about the Code?"

"You can't date other team members!"

She rolled her eyes as Brooks snorted. "Why am I not surprised that you have no awareness of the fact that Brooks and I have been _friends_ for years," she drawled. "Just friends. That's it."

"The devil has friends?" Fred muttered behind me.

I couldn't be sure if he was referring to Sadie or Brooks but I realized it didn't matter as the question was valid either way.

And how had I never noticed that one of my Quidditch enemies (actually, one of my enemies in general whether on or off the pitch) was friendly with my seeker?

" _Since when_?" I snapped at her. "Since about the time you both got on your respective teams and he wanted to swindle team secrets out of you?"

She glared at me and I ignored the slight look of amusement resting in Brooks' eyes as he let the girl do all the talking. "What, you think that's the only reason someone would want to hang out with me?" she snarled.

"Pretty much, yeah."

Alice groaned. "You weren't supposed to answer that."

She went ignored. "We're not swapping Quidditch strategies you total douche," Sadie growled. "Just like you and Longbottom grew up together and are strictly platonic, my family grew up with Brooks' family so why don't you go crawl back to that table of yours and leave us alone?"

That was one option. Another was punching Brooks just for the fun of it.

"He pushed your teammate down a set of stairs," Jax pointed out irritably. "And you're still going to remain loyal to this asswipe?"

"I didn't push her," Brooks finally spoke.

I wondered if he was saying that because it was his dick of a friend who had done the actual pushing or if he was claiming that Alice had fallen. I decided I wanted to punch him either way.

" _You were there_!" Fred exploded.

All Brooks did was smirk and then shrug and now I was strongly considering smashing his beer glass over his head.

In fact, I'll even smash Sadie's beer glass over his head.

"I already chewed him out for that," Sadie drawled.

"You did?" Alice spoke curiously.

Sadie shrugged. "I'd prefer it if my teammates didn't drop dead at the hands of the Ravenclaws. Potter would be far more unbearable at practice than he already is trying to get yet another chaser on board with his large ego."

"Oh, I'm sorry, you must have that large ego confused with _Pruitt's_ ," I snapped at her, wondering if strangling my seeker could in any way be construed as productive.

She rolled her eyes and turned towards Brooks. "I don't know about you, but I'm suddenly ready to get out of here," she grumbled, dropping her mug on to the bartop and swiftly heading off towards the exit.

He chugged the remainder of his beer and deposited the glass on to the bartop beside hers. He slid past us but not before throwing one last comment over his shoulder. "Good thing there aren't any stairs in the bar or clumsy Longbottom might wind up tumbling down them again."

Both Fred and I lunged at him but Alice, Dash, and Jax were somehow able to stop us from actually reaching him. He laughed as he retreated towards the door and all I saw was red. "I'D WATCH YOUR BACK IF I WERE YOU, PRUITT!" I cried after him, struggling to free myself away from my friends' grasp.

"Please stop, James," Alice begged, her forearm pushed hard up against my chest in attempt to stop me.

My attempts at breaking free ceased as I glanced down at her, sensing an unexpected wariness in her tone. I could tell she was keenly trying to avoid looking at me, her timid eyes settling on the sticky floor instead. There was distant look in her eye that bewildered me for a mere moment before I realized what it was: shame. It wasn't just anger she felt towards Callum and Brooks, she actually felt ashamed. She hated that they got the better of her and she hadn't been able to stop them. She hated that she always claimed she didn't need other people coming to her protection but she couldn't protect herself in an opportune moment. She hated feeling vulnerable. With that one look in her eyes, I could suddenly read the situation far more clearer than I had been able to previously.

"C'mon," I spoke softly as I gently nudged her, "Let's get another round of drinks and just forget about that asshat."

She met my gaze in surprise, clearly not expecting me to back down from a fight, before letting out a relieved nod. "Yeah, let's do that."

"Wait, does that mean we're not going to pummel Pruitt into the ground?" Fred groaned behind me.

I shook my head. "Not today."

He let out a loud noise of protest while Alice smiled gratefully beside me.

Did I want to pummel Pruitt into the ground? Absolutely.

But the smile on Alice's face made it worth not going after him.

 **XOXOXOXO**

* * *

"Blonde in the corner," I said.

Fred craned his neck and shook his head. "Too plain."

"Brunette in the purple dress," Dash suggested.

Fred turned to where Dash was pointing. He took a second before narrowing his eyes. "Er…I'm pretty sure I've snogged her before."

Laughter filled the table (eye roll from Alice, but that was expected as we played our usual round of Who Should Fred Pick Up Next) until I spoke. "Only snogged? You're slipping, mate."

He scoffed. "Says the guy who hasn't shagged someone other than Wilkes in, like, five months."

I rolled my eyes. "You sound like Greengrass."

That got everyone's attention. "You're talking to Reese about your shagging ways?" Jax questioned.

"She brought it up," I explained with a shrug.

" _Why_?"

I debated not even going into the details but shrugged again and explained briefly. "Because I may have made an offhanded joke about how the two of us should shag and she looked at me like I was crazy seeing as I was sleeping with her teammate."

"Sounds like jealousy," Dash smirked.

I shot him a look. "This is Reese we're talking about. The only emotions that girl has are saved for the Quidditch pitch," I teased.

"Well, that's harsh," Alice commented.

"Is it?" I mused, shrugging curiously. "She's a bloody beast on the pitch. One of the better keepers in the school. She's aggressive and menacing and constantly yelling commands to her entire team. Now, let's compare that to the quiet, unassuming girl who wanders the hall and only stops to talk to her friends, unmotivated to care about anyone or anything else."

"Must be a Greengrass gene," Fred smirked. I knew he was referring to Malfoy's mother and therefore Scorpius, so I laughed.

"So that makes her emotionless?" Jax questioned.

"Makes her bipolar if you ask me," Dash teased.

"Makes her hot," Fred smirked.

Alice sighed. "I would love to get through a night—nay, an _hour_ , without the conversation of girls or sex coming up. Just one hour."

The three of us all glanced at each other before breaking out into laughter.

"Sorry, Ace," I said, reaching over to tug at the end of her ponytail, "You're stuck with us which means you're stuck with our sexist ways."

"Oy, who you calling sexist?" Dash scoffed.

"I want new friends," she whined.

"Oh, you so do not," Fred argued with his usual charming smile.

All she could do was smile. She complained frequently about our choice of conversation topics but I knew a part of her found some sort of amusement in the fact that we considered her to be one of the guys so much that we didn't hide our randy ways around her.

Offering her a chuckle, I changed the subject. "So where, or should I say who, did we land regarding Fred's love interest for the evening?"

"Ew, no love. Sex interest maybe," Fred countered. "And I'm still weighing my options."

"Something wrong with you, mate?" Dash smirked, clapping him on the shoulder. "You're usually two or three girls in by this time of night."

"You make me sound like a man whore."

"On behalf of everyone, please let me remind you that you _are_ a man whore," Alice drawled.

"I prefer the term seductive debonair."

That earned him four simultaneous looks of disgust.

To which he just grinned.

"I'm going with the curly redhead at the bar who appears to be a third wheel. She's a shoe-in."

He saluted us and then took off.

"I'm pretty sure that kid is going to be a bachelor for life," Dash said, shaking his head.

"Oy, nothing wrong with that," I huffed.

Dash rolled his eyes but refrained from commenting. "I need another drink. Anyone else?"

Jax nodded and the two of them disappeared up to the bar, leaving me along with Alice.

She nursed her drink as she glanced around the room in a curious fashion, taking the bar scene in. It was getting late so it wasn't that surprising to see a bunch of couples snogging wildly on the dance floor without a care for the surrounding patrons. Drunks girls were spilling their drinks, guys were hitting on anyone they came across, and the music just grew louder until I could barely hear myself think.

"You okay, Ace?" I asked, nudging her with my elbow.

She looked up, confused. "Why wouldn't I be?"

How could I bring up Brooks delicately without me turning out like the ass?

"Can't be easy for you to be around some douchebag who pushed you down the stairs."

Yeah, I really needed to learn that whole how-to-be-tactful thing Fred was warning me about.

Alice stared at me, her mouth parted in slight frustration. "I'm still standing, aren't I?" she muttered.

I nodded. "Yeah, because you're a far better witch than he is a wizard. Don't ever forget that."

"Of course I'm better. He could have used any hex on me and instead, they went all Muggle street-fight on me and thought offering me a quiet nudge down the stairs was really going to take me out. Bloody idiots."

I chuckled, finishing off the rest of my drink. "It was an unfair street fight," I pointed out to her. "Seeing as there were two of them and one of you."

"I know," she muttered though there was a definite detection of embarrassment in her tone.

"Not only that, they took you by surprise. You didn't even have a chance to defend your-"

"Jay," she spoke brusquely, her eyes flitting my way. "I know."

I frowned, glancing down at my empty glass and suddenly wishing I had more. "I just…" I trailed off, struggling to find the right words to say. "No one thinks any less of you just because two jackasses may have gotten the better of you in one blind-siding moment."

"I don't care what anyone else thinks," she muttered. "I care what I think."

I tilted my head to the side. "And what do you think?"

Her lips pursed as she found a sudden interest in her own drink. "I think that nine times out of ten, I could take those two with one hand tied behind my back."

That made me smile because I knew that was her way of telling me that although she hated that they had gotten the better of her just this once, there wasn't a chance in hell they'd ever be able to get the better of her again. "Cheers to that," I said, holding up my glass. Looking at it, I said, "Er…well, cheers to that once Jax gets back with my drink."

She laughed and took a sip of her own drink. "So," she said, clearly about to change the subject. "Fred told me something interesting about you."

I glanced over at Alice with a quirked eyebrow. "Well, of course he did. Everything about me is interesting."

She shot me a look. "Tone down the arrogance for me, won't you?"

I grinned sheepishly as I sipped my beer. "What did he tell you?"

Her expression turned serious as she locked eyes with me. "He mentioned your father wouldn't be showing up to the match."

My smile immediately turned into a frown. "Fred has a big fucking mouth."

"Of course he does. Everyone in your family does. Gossiping is what you all do best," she reminded me. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"What's there to tell?" I brushed off with a shrug. "He's not coming to the match. I expected it."

"Just because you expected it doesn't mean it's what you wanted."

I shrugged again. "It's fine," I spoke flatly, "If he's there, everyone fawns over him and suddenly he becomes the center attention instead of me—er, the team."

Her upper lip twitched.

"It's better that he's not there," I continued with a forced smile. "Makes the match about the actual match and not the great Harry Potter, y'know?"

I could see in her eyes she didn't believe anything I was saying.

I really needed to learn how to lie to Alice.

"I'm sorry he won't be there."

"I'm not," I lied.

She took a sip of her drink before answering. "Yeah, you are."

Seriously, I needed to learn how to lie to her.

"You know what we should do right now?" she asked softly.

"Drink a lot, drink some more, pass out, and then start drinking again?"

She chuckled and shook her head. She shifted her gaze towards the dance floor, her lips twitching impishly. As she turned back towards me, I had a really good feeling I knew what she was going to say.

"Let's dance it out, James."

This was the first time in a while I didn't even argue with her.

 **XOXOXOXO**

* * *

" _Sneaking out of the castle? Really?_ "

Fred, Jax, and I exchanged a look of wide eyes when Rose stormed into the common room the next afternoon.

"Don't know what you're talking about, Rosie Dearest," I spoke.

"Don't fucking call me that and don't fucking lie to me."

Well, someone was pissed off.

Oh, wait, that's how she always was.

"Who said I was lying?" I prodded.

Her eyes narrowed at me. "When are you going to learn some responsibility, James?" she snapped. "You can't just go breaking all the bloody rules all the damned time just because you think you're invincible. One of these days you're going to get caught _and you're going to get expelled_."

"Hasn't happened yet," I said with a sheepish grin.

I had to duck when she attempted to smother me with a pillow.

" _And you_ ," she barked, her glare now directed at Jax. "YOU'RE A PREFECT!"

"Yes, yes I am. Thanks for reminding me of that title. Don't know what I'd do without-"

"Stop being a smartass, Jackson," she sneered.

"Aw, but I'm so good at it."

" _You can lose your badge_."

"And then not be forced to do patrols with you?" he drawled sarcastically. "Gee, that sounds far more like a reward than a consequence."

She flipped him off before whirling around and storming up the stairs to her room.

Once she was gone, the three of us just looked at each other. "I think we actually got off easy," Fred spoke with a grin.

"For the first time in years, she seemed more pissed off with Jax than us," I mused, glancing over at the sixth year. "I'm kinda liking this new feud you two are going through."

Jax rolled his eyes. "Your cousin's a bitch."

Fred clapped him on the back. "We've been trying to tell you that for years, mate."

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

"Where in Merlin's name is my keeper?" I barked at the team on Sunday morning.

"You've asked that five times now and we've all answered that we didn't know," Fred muttered irritably from where he sat leaning up against Alice on the bench.

I glanced up towards the clock in the corner that read 9:20. Practice had started at 9:00 AM and everyone was there except for Cass. It was unlike her to be late, though I had heard the excuse that the alarm didn't go off so many times that I wouldn't put it past her to use the same one on me when she finally wandered through the door.

"Oh, she better be dead in a ditch somewhere or bleeding from the head if she's going to be skiving off practice."

"Where in Hogwarts are you going to find a ditch?" CJ mused.

Alice shot me a look. "Can we please not wish fatality on our team members?" she sighed.

"I'm not _wishing_ it. It's just the only reasonable explanation," I barked. "Hugo, suit up. You're playing keeper today. Possibly at the match, too."

He had been nodding off in the corner when I called him out so he jolted awake. "Er…what?"

"You heard me. If she doesn't have a good reason for not showing up on time, I'm going to have to bench her from next week's game, so-"

My words were drowned out from a boisterous laughter from the entire team.

I scowled at them. "What in bloody hell is so damned funny?"

"There's no way on Earth, or any planet for that matter, that you're going to bench Cass," Jax spoke in between peals of laughter. "She's your star player."

"Oy, I take offense to that," Fred huffed.

Jax shot him a look. "No, you don't."

Fred shrugged. "Nah, you're right, Cass is crazy good."

"As opposed to just crazy which is what you are," Sadie drawled.

"Hey, Bishop, when you suck off Pruitt, how long does it take for you to wash his awful stench off of you?"

" _We are just bloody friends_ ," she hissed at him, pulling herself off the bench in an attempt to stand her ground.

Except once Fred did the same, he towered over her. "That asshole doesn't know shit about being a friend."

"And you don't know shit about me," Sadie hissed.

"Break it up, you two," I sighed even though I wasn't particularly against Fred smacking the shit out of her. "I have to bench Cass if she doesn't show. It's part of the Code that I made such a big deal of at our first Team Meeting."

"Yeah, and who's going to know she didn't show up for practice except us?" Jax pointed out with a shrug.

"And it's not like we're going to run and tell everyone," CJ chimed in, shaking his head. "We want her to play."

"We need her to play," Fred corrected. "Hugo isn't a keeper, no offense. If it was Jax or myself who disappeared for practice, by all means play Hugo. But Hugo hasn't been practicing the keeper position at all this year. You can't train him in one week."

I knew they were right, but if I didn't bench her, I'd be completely undermining my authority and the team would know they could walk all over me.

I debated how to continue but I didn't have to for the doors lurched open and in rushed Cass.

She opened her mouth, probably to apologize, but I stopped her. "YOU'RE LATE, ROLLINS."

"At least she's not dead in a nonexistent ditch somewhere," Jax commented.

We all glared at him as Cass let out a sigh and began to explain. "I'm sorry, but I just had to spend the last half hour being grilled by Professor Longbottom for a, uh…an incident that occurred in the hallway."

My eyes narrowed. "What kind of incident?"

A sheepish smile spread across her face. "The kind that had Brooks Pruitt lying unconscious on the hallway floor?"

Silence filled the room before a resounding, " _What_!?" fell from all of our lips.

"I was on my way to practice and heard a noise around the corner so I pulled out my wand and lo and behold, the prat was waiting for me. He thought he would get the better of me but I petrified him. It was just my luck that Professor Longbottom was wandering the halls at that time. Twenty points from Gryffindor and I'm stuck in detention tonight if anyone cares."

"What have I told you about wandering the halls alone?" I grumbled. Hesitating, I said, "But nice going."

" _James_ ," Alice groaned.

I shrugged unapologetically as Cass spoke, "He deserved it for picking on the females of this team as if we're not as tough as the guys on our team. Sexist bastards."

So not only was Cass hot and sassy but she could also knock out a seventh-year male with a flick of her wand.

I think I'm in love.

"Hear, hear!" Jax cried out.

"The guy who goes behind your back to pick on our teammates is who you call a friend?" Fred barked at Sadie, who was smart enough to look furious. Only it wasn't directed at Fred.

"I didn't' say he was a good friend," she grumbled, her arms folding angrily across her body.

I liked an angry Sadie. Gave her that much more motivation to win.

"Well," I said, turning towards Hugo, "No need for you to suit up I suppose. Cass is back in as keeper."

Hugo let out a relieved cheer, earning a laugh from the rest of us.

"C'mon, let's go practice," I said, grabbing my broom and heading towards the door. "Because if we don't beat Ravenclaw next Saturday, I'm going to run you all into the ground until you can't feel your legs and you're begging for death as a release from the sheer exhaustion, y'hear me?"

"He's really got a way with the motivational speaking, doesn't he," Jax drawled with a sarcastic undertone.

"As much as a hippogriff," Alice added.

They laughed.

I glared at them.

They shut up.

Have I mentioned how much I love being Captain?

 **XOXOXOXO**

* * *

I was already in Transfiguration with Fred, having skipped breakfast that morning for a bit of a lie-in, when Alice wandered in and took the empty seat beside me. I was about to say my usual hello when she dropped a letter in front of me. "AJ's coming to the match."

I glanced over at her. "Did you not expect her to? She usually shows up."

She shrugged. "It's always a toss-up depending on who's available to man the inn and pub."

"Or whether or not Vic is coming," Fred spoke up from the table in front of us, his head currently resting in his arms. "Last I heard, Vic was leaning towards no."

"She has a cranky two-year-old. Did you expect her to show up?" she laughed.

I shrugged. "I don't rightly care if she shows up or not," I admitted. "As long as she lets Teddy off his leash."

She rolled her eyes and was about to comment when Professor Eckleberry sauntered in and began class. As always, I tuned her out as I began running passing plays for Saturday's match over and over in my head, making sure they were as flawless as they could possibly get. I knew I took winning to a whole other level but the idea of losing my very first match, a match against Brooks bloody Pruitt, made my blood boil in a way I had never been privy to before. I just hoped that-

"Mister Potter?"

I was transported back to the present time when Professor Eckleberry called on me. Based on the irritation in her voice, I had a feeling it wasn't the first time.

"Er…yes?" I said sheepishly, earning a quiet groan from Alice beside me.

Her eyes narrowed at me. "I asked you a question."

"Vanishment," I replied as that was the first Transfiguration term that came to mind.

As half of the class burst into laughter (which clearly meant the answer to whatever question was asked was in fact not vanishment), Alice let out another groan and Professor Eckleberry narrowed her eyes at me. "Tell me, Mister Potter, how is it that you somehow made it into my advanced N.E.W.T.s class?" she barked at me.

Oh, hell no. Was she seriously questioning my intelligence?

"What was your question again?" I asked coolly.

Her glare intensified as she spoke. "I asked what the use of the _Epoximise_ spell was but clearly you are too busy daydreaming to bother-"

"It's the spell that bonds two objects together," I drawled, folding my arms across my body. "It transfigures one of the objects to become adhesive in order for it to attach itself to another object. It comes in handy when there are several heavy objects that need to be transported from one location to another. And it should not be confused with a sticking charm that is typically used for adhering objects to the floor or a wall."

The look on Professor Eckleberry's face was priceless.

So with a smirk, I said, "Yeah, next time you want to question my intellect, I'd suggest you don't."

"James," Alice whined beside me.

"Detention, Mister Potter," the Professor snarled.

"For what?" I snorted. "For knowing the answer to a question that _you_ asked?"

"For your inappropriate cheek, that's what," she snapped at me before directing her attention back to the rest of the class. "Now who can tell me the etymology of the _Epoximise_ spell?"

I could have gladly responded but I had already proven my point so I merely sat back in my chair with a triumphant smirk.

"You only have six months left at this place," Alice muttered out of the corner of her mouth. "Maybe you don't try to get yourself expelled?"

I shrugged. "I've managed to stay un-expelled thus far."

"If that woman has her way, you won't be un-expelled for long."

"Oh, c'mon," Fred muttered, leaning his chair back towards the two of us, "Let James do his whole sass routine with her. It's the best form of entertainment we get during the week."

Alice poked him in the back with the end of her quill. "Oy, don't you go encouraging him."

"I don't need his encouragement to talk back to Eckleberry," I commented. "I do that for fun."

Fred laughed while Alice groaned.

Me, I just grinned.

 **XOXOXOXO**

* * *

Friday night before the match against Ravenclaw was upon us and I was irritating Fred with how much I was squirming nervously on the couch. I kept thinking about all the possible outcomes and when one would pop into my head where Roxanne gets the snitch before Sadie, my leg would jiggle uncontrollably and I'd let out the occasional growl.

" _Will you quit fidgeting_?" Fred snapped at me. "I'm trying to at least pretend as if I care about this Herbology essay."

I tried to stop the tremor in my leg as I shot him a look. "Why?"

"Because I actually like Neville."

"So do I. Doesn't mean I'm using my Friday to work on his essay."

Fred glanced up from his essay to smile coyly at me. "Well, oh lazy one, tomorrow is the match which means tomorrow night is an epic celebration party, which-"

"Don't jinx us!"

"-also means that Sunday will be spent lying in bed all bloody day moaning about our awful hangovers. So now's really the only time to finish it."

A very accurate reflection of what the weekend would bring us.

If we won the match.

Which we will.

I was saved from having to respond when a pair of raised voices on the other side of the room took over our attention.

"I'm tired of you telling me what to do!"

"I'm tired of you blowing me off!"

I was surprised and yet amused to find that it was Harley Duncan and Jett Thomas arguing. I don't ever recall them fighting in the past. Then again, I wasn't exactly privy to their private conversations.

"I didn't blow you off last night, you whiny prat. I had plans!"

" _With Declan Bryant?_ " Jett barked. "You do realize he's dating your roommate, right?"

"Not anymore he isn't," she said with a shrug. "They broke up earlier this week."

That was news to me.

Not that I invested a lot of time in keeping up with the sixth year gossip.

Jett blanched. "So now that he's single, you're suddenly interested in the guy? Did you forget about your _own_ boyfriend?"

"I'm not interested in him, Jett!" Harley's impatient voice rang out. "He just happens to be really good at Transfiguration and I'm not so I was studying with him, you jealous oaf!"

I could see the anger in his eyes from across the room. "I don't care that you were studying with him. I care that you were trying to hide it from me."

"I didn't know I was going to be studying with him until I walked into the library and he was there, you nutbag."

"And yet you didn't bother to tell me about this impromptu study session yourself. Oh, no, I had to find out about it from half the school who thought you were cheating on me!"

"So really what you're pissed about is not the fact that I was studying with another guy but that a bunch of gossip-hungry, jealous, lonely spinsters are suddenly whispering about us behind our backs? _You're being ridiculous, Jett_."

"If I'm such a whiny prat and a jealous oaf and a nutbag and if I'm so bloody ridiculous, why do you bother dating me at all?" he snapped at her.

She folded her arms across her body with a curt shrug. "I'd say it's because I love you but right now I'm not entirely sure of that."

A rather loud round of oohs filled the room and only then did the pair of Gryffindors realize they were being watched by the entire common room.

Jett's eyes darted around, a cool frown settling into his expression, before he turned back to his girlfriend with a mere shrug. "Fine, go find some other guy to love then. I'm done."

He stormed off towards the boys' stairwell, leaving a rather stunned Harley behind.

"Did he…" Fred murmured beside me.

"Break up with the hottest girl in school?" I finished. "Yeah."

"Has he…"

"Gone mad?" I said. "Definitely."

"And she…"

"Will now have every single guy in school hitting on her during every waking moment the second this gets out?" I smirked. "Absolutely."

He tilted his head to the side. "Dibs."

I shot him a look. "Calling dibs on a girl is chauvinistic and sexist and morally wrong."

"You're upset with yourself for not calling dibs first, aren't you."

Yes.

Wait, no. "Rose will murder you in your sleep."

He glanced over to where Harley was now crying and being comforted by our cousin. "Do you see how hot Harley is? It'd be worth it."

"I could be blind and still see how hot she is."

Fred laughed. If Alice were here, she'd point that that didn't make any sense. I liked that Fred didn't care.

Eventually, Rose and Harley retreated to their bedroom. It probably had something to do with the fact that two fifth years and Declan Bryant both tried to "comfort" her (translation: hit on her) and Rose was getting very annoyed by it. Harley didn't seem to mind but flirting was in her nature. Rose, however, only had being a stubborn hardass in her nature.

The common room broke out into gossiping whispers then. A few people trickled out of the common room and I had my suspicions that whoever was in the library was about to find out about the breakup of the century. There was a very good chance that everyone in the school would know by breakfast tomorrow morning.

I hoped it didn't overshadow the match.

Speaking of, I glanced over at the time and saw that it was eleven o'clock. Picking myself off the couch, I barked to the room, "Bedtime for the Quidditch team!"

The gossip slowly died down as confused looks were sent my way.

"You don't dictate our sleeping schedules," Sadie drawled from where she sat alone in the corner.

I noticed she was icing her hand, which confused me but all I did was glare at her. "You want to wake up early tomorrow morning and do laps?"

She rolled her eyes. "You're forcing us to bed because you want us to get a good night's sleep and yet you're threatening to wake me early from that good night's sleep?"

I really hated it when people used logic on me.

"Instead of arguing with me, a better use of your time would be to gather your shit and go to bed, Bishop," I snapped at her. "And what the hell happened to your hand? It better be ready for tomorrow's match!"

She tossed the bag of ice aside and pulled herself off the couch. "I punched Pruitt in the face. He's the one who might not be ready for tomorrow's match. You're welcome."

I gaped at her for a moment before turning away to share a bewildered look with Fred, who looked nearly as shocked as I did. "You punched Pruitt in the face?" he asked our seeker.

She shrugged and collected her books to toss into her bag. "He really needs to learn how to stay away from our team."

"I thought you two were friends," I dared to ask.

"We are. Doesn't mean he didn't deserve to be punched in the face," she said, shrugging before disappearing up the girls' stairwell.

"Well, I'll be damned," Fred spoke with a low whistle. "Maybe Bishop isn't so bad after all."

I shot him a look. "Let's not push it," I said. "Cass! CJ! Upstairs!"

Cass playfully saluted me before skipping off. CJ took his time, however. He glanced over at me nervously as he finished up a conversation with Rayne, slowly pulling himself off the couch. Hugo was there beside them playing a chess match against Lily.

"Oy, that means reserves, too, Hugo!" I snapped at him.

"No worries. I'm about to beat your sister anyway."

She scowled at him. "Are not!"

Seconds later, Hugo made his move, shrugged, and said, "Checkmate."

She glanced down at the board and let out a growl. "Dammit."

Hugo grinned before glancing over at CJ. "Coming, CJ?"

CJ nodded and the two of them disappeared.

Fred was packing up his things beside me and I took the time to scour the room for Jax, who appeared to be nowhere to be found. "Oy, Everly!" I called out across the room to the only remaining sixth year.

The bushy-haired strawberry blonde who apparently had recently broken up with Declan Bryant glanced up, startled at being called out. "Er…what?"

"Where the hell is Jax?"

She blinked before shrugging. "Don't know. Off with Laikyn maybe?"

" _What the hell is he doing wandering the halls at eleven o'clock at night the night before a match_?"

As if on cue, the portrait swung open and in wandered Jax who happened to be alone. "Mate, I can hear you down the bloody hallway," he drawled.

I glared at him. "To bed, Bloch!"

"Yes, Sergeant Dictator, sir!" he barked, kicking his heels together and saluting me from across the room.

I considered tossing a book at his head but there were too many innocent bystanders.

He disappeared and I glanced down towards Fred. "Let's go."

"You don't dictate our sleeping schedules, Sergeant Dictator, sir."

I threw a book at his head.

Screw innocent bystanders.

 **XOXOXOXO**

* * *

 **A/N:** QUIDDITCH!


	9. We're Gonna Win

**A/N:** My intention was to update a lot quicker than this but my days managed to get away from me so my sincerest apologies. Without further ado, QUIDDITCH!

* * *

 **A WAY WITH WORDS**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 9: We're Gonna Win

* * *

" _We're gonna win  
Don't wanna be a loser, gonna win  
'Cause winning really is the only thing  
Get out of the way we're coming in  
If you wanna fight just step inside the ring  
Does anybody wanna take a swing?  
It's gotta be all or nothing  
Oh, we're gonna be the champions  
Yeah, we're going all the way, we're gonna win."  
_-Bryan Adams

* * *

I woke up to the sound of rain on the windowpanes. Most people would groan and complain about playing a match in the rain. I preferred it. All players could easily play in good weather. It's those who can play in any type of weather that really made the difference in the game.

Fred, too, didn't complain about the weather as we headed down to breakfast, instead commenting that he was convinced CJ played better in poor weather than he did when it was nice out. It was as if he pushed himself harder to prove he was good versus just resting on his laurels.

Where did the phrase 'resting on his laurels' even derive from?

Wait, I didn't care. I had a match to win.

Alice was already at the breakfast table when Fred and I arrived. I opened my mouth to wish her a good morning, but she got there first.

"There's a rumor going around school."

Fred and I exchanged a look, knowing exactly what she was referring to. He said, "Not a rumor."

Alice's eyebrow shot up. "Harley and Jett really called it quits?"

"Well, Jett called it quits," I corrected. "And Harley was forced to go along with it."

"You don't think by Harley telling Jett she didn't know why she loved him _she_ was the one who called it quits first?" Fred fired back.

"She just said that in the heat of the moment," I argued.

"A pretty hurtful thing to say in the heat of the moment."

I shot him a curious look. "That sounded like far too sappy of a comment to come out of your mouth."

Fred shrugged as he reached for a piece of bacon and tossed it into his mouth. "Either way, the rumor is true, AliCat."

Alice's mouth was hanging open. "She told him she didn't love him?"

"She said she wasn't sure _why_ she loved him," Fred corrected.

Alice let out a low whistle. "Ouch."

"They couldn't have come up with a better time to air their dirty laundry?" I grunted as I piled a plate full of eggs and sausage.

Alice watched as I made a nest of eggs on my plate. "You mean why did they break up the night before our Quidditch match and possibly upstage today's match?"

"Precisely."

She rolled her eyes. "They broke up, Jay, and are probably not dealing with it too well," she groaned. "Have some tact."

"Oh, he doesn't have any of that," Fred spoke up in between bites. "That's already been established."

I threw a slice of bacon at him. It struck him in the forehead but he just took it and tossed it into his mouth.

The Post arrived then so that put a halt to the gossip as Fred scooped up a letter from his folks.

"Are your parents coming to the game?" Alice asked him when he finished up the letter and stuck it in his back pocket.

"Of course," Fred said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "I told Dad he had to root for Gryffindor or I'd never give him grandchildren. He told me that's why he had two kids."

" _He better not be rooting for Ravenclaw_ ," I scoffed.

"His daughter is a Ravenclaw," Alice pointed out. "He's allowed to-"

"But he was a Gryffindor! Doesn't he have any pride?"

"You're being overdramatic."

"I'm being sensible!"

"Overdramatic."

I threw a piece of bacon at her.

"At this rate, you're not going to have any bacon left," she teased.

"Mum said she's staying out of it," Fred spoke up with a shrug. "She said she was going to sit quietly in the stands and not cheer for either one of them and just watch like the proud mama she is."

Alice and I exchanged a look before we both burst into laughter.

"This is Aunt Angelina we're talking about," I said in between laughs, "She lives for Quidditch. If you really think she's just going to sit back without cheering at all, I might have to put Hugo in as beater for today's match because you would be not right in the head."

"Of course I don't think that," he scoffed, "That's why I owled Teddy and told him it was his job to convince my parents that rooting for Gryffindor was in their best interest."

Alice let out another laugh as I merely shrugged. "Of course it's in their best interest. We're going to win and who wants to root for a losing team?"

Alice's laughter died down as she once again rolled her eyes. She was quite skilled at making it look like we were a total inconvenience to her. She must have been perfecting it over the years. But I knew she couldn't get enough of us. We were far too entertaining to be any sort of inconvenience.

"I'm convinced you're made up of 70% arrogance, 20% confidence, and 10% ignorance," Alice sighed.

"I am not ignorant!" I whined.

"Love how you don't argue the 70% arrogance part," Fred snickered.

"Nah, that part is true," I teased.

"You might want to try to look humble if you plan to impress Oliver Wood," Alice reminded me.

Fuck, for a moment there I forgot that the defensive coach of Puddlemere United would be in the stands.

I cleared my throat and threw on a bashful expression. "Oh, was that me who didn't miss a single goal in today's game? Golly gee, I didn't know how good I could be at this game."

Fred and Alice stared at me like they weren't sure whether to laugh or slap me. They went with neither.

"I'd suggest removing the 'golly gee' if you're going for believable," Alice spoke.

I grinned. "I'll work on it and get back to you."

"Golly gee, can't wait."

* * *

"This is it, team," I said as I paced the floors in front of them. We were all dressed in our Quidditch uniforms, faces washed and hair slicked back. I knew in roughly twenty minutes, our faces would be full of sweat and our hair would be a wild mess of tangles, so it was a nice image to see us looking so spiffy in that moment.

Oh, hell, did I just use the word spiffy?

"Our first match with our new squad," I continued. "Our new _extraordinary_ squad that is going to go out there and show the world—er, well, the people in the stadium anyway, why we are and always will be the best. We have a killer keeper who doesn't know how to let a quaffle in. We've got two beaters who could send students to St. Mungo's if they didn't fear for expulsion, we have a seeker who had only missed the snitch three times in the history of her career, and we have three chasers who have overcome their nuances to become flawless. Cue the gagging and the waterworks because I'm rather proud of this team."

"Aw, that almost sounded genuine," Fred teased, his arm resting comfortably on Alice's shoulder at the moment.

I grinned up at him. "I like to think we have the advantage today. While we do not know what to expect from their beaters, all we have to do is just avoid them like we would any other beaters. They have no way of knowing how skilled our keeper is or how CJ will work with myself and Alice. It will take them longer to adjust to our new players than it will for us to their new players. So let's just go out there and play the way we've been practicing and I guarantee that win will be ours."

I glanced around the room, gauging their reactions as I spoke. Alice and Fred were both grinning goofily, Jax's eyes were narrowed cautiously as he got into character for the match, CJ looked nervous, Cass looked confident, Hugo was staring off into space, and Sadie looked bored like she always did.

We were the Gryffindor team. We were going to win as a team or lose as a team.

Except, we were going to win. There was no other option.

"Alright, last point of business before we head out there," I spoke. "CJ, did your father convince his entire staff to show up today or what?"

Six simultaneous groans filled the room while CJ just laughed.

I'll take that as a no.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"Who's announcing the matches now that Fiona Jordan has graduated?" Fred whispered as we lined up in the locker room exit corridor.

Pause for a moment while we all remember how bloody gorgeous Fiona Jordan was.

"Does it matter?" I hissed at him.

"If it's a Ravenclaw, they could be biased," Jax chimed in from behind us.

"Again, _why does that matter_?"

"Aren't you the least bit curious?" Fred asked.

"Uh, no, I've got a few other things on my mind, like, oh I don't know, _winning the bloody match_."

Fred shared a look with Jax. "I'm getting the sense he doesn't care about who's announcing."

"He's giving off that vibe, isn't he."

I'm on a team with a bunch of clowns.

Oh yeah, and I'm friends with them so what does that say about me?

A familiar voice filled the stadium, shutting us all up.

"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PROFESSORS AND STUDENTS, PARENTS AND FAMILIES, AND ANYONE ELSE I MAY HAVE FORGOTTEN, WELCOME TO THE FIRST MATCH OF THE YEAR!"

Both Fred and my head swiveled towards each other with wide eyes of surprise.

" _Rose_?" Fred mouthed.

I nodded.

"What the hell is she doing announcing?" Sadie murmured. "Does she even like Quidditch?"

"Loves it," I chimed in. "You room with her. Shouldn't you know that?"

"Haven't spoken to the Know-It-All she-devil in two years. Maybe even three by now."

I so desperately wanted to point out the irony in her calling someone else a Know-It-All she-devil but decided not pissing off my teammates before we entered the pitch was probably a better idea so I somehow kept my mouth shut.

"For those who have never been to a match before, you are in for a real treat," Rose continued. "For those who have, well, you are still in for a real treat. Before I introduce our two teams, let me just make a quick public service announcement: _all you boys out there, stay the hell away from Harley_!"

There was a momentary shocked silence before the entire stadium erupted in laughter as did my entire team. On the other side of the wall I could hear the Ravenclaw team bursting into their own set of laughter, too.

My cousin, the comedian.

"Sorry, Headmistress! Had to be done!" she squeaked. "Now, why don't we get to our main event of the day and introduce our Gryffindor and Ravenclaw teams!"

There was a thunderous roar as cheers and applause filled the stadium. It put a big grin on my face, excited at the idea of once again going out there and playing the game I loved in front of a packed house.

"First, let's welcome the team who dominated last year only to fall just short in the final against their rivals, the Slytherins. _The Gryffindor team_!"

My fists were clenched at my side. People really needed to stop bringing up last year's final.

"First, we have your two beaters who have played side-by-side for the past two years now, Jackson Bloch, better known as jerkface Jax, and my dear cousin, Fred Weasley!"

Jax rolled his eyes.

"My cousin still pissed at you?" I smirked.

"Apparently," he said with a chuckle as he and Fred kicked off from the ground and flew into the air to a round of cheers.

"Next we have your three chasers, Alice AliCat Longbottom, new chaser to the team Colton James CJ Wood and for those who were wondering, yes his father, the infamous Puddlemere coach, _is_ in the stands today and-"

I laughed as CJ groaned from behind me.

"-last but certainly not least, your Captain of the team and my very own cousin—er, my other one besides Fred I mean— _James Potter_!"

Grinning at Alice, the two of us kicked off and zoomed into the air with CJ right behind us, our fists pumping in the air as we soaked in the boisterous cheers that exploded against my ears. I couldn't stop smiling even as the slight drizzle in the air slid down my face and soaked my hair in a matter of seconds. The rain went ignored as I breathed in the air of competition that surrounded me.

I was home.

"Now let's welcome one of the newest members of the Gryffindor team, the stunningly beautiful—so stunning it may actually distract the other team, which in hindsight is actually a brilliant strategy— _Cassiopeia Rollins_ , better known as _Cass_!"

The blonde joined us in the air, a confident smile resting on her face as she circled around us, waving to the stands with a sheepish grin.

"And last is of course Gryffindor's seeker, though I just like to refer to her as my incredibly annoying roommate, _Sadie Bishop_!"

Sadie was glaring towards the commentator's booth when she kicked off into the air.

We circled around the pitch before touching down and joining Hugo on the bench while Rose introduced the Ravenclaw team.

"And now we welcome the Ravenclaws to the pitch. First, their brand-new beaters and no you're not seeing double, Lorcan and Lysander Scamander! Next, we have your three chasers, Callum Finch, Ainsley Bennett, and Quinn Zander! Your keeper and your Captain of the team, Brooks Prat—sorry, I mean Pruitt! And last in line but never in life is my third and final cousin I'll be introducing for the day, the sassy and beautiful, _Roxanne Weasley_!"

It was the Ravenclaws turn to circle the pitch reveling in the cheers and I used that time to scan the crowd. There appeared to be far more blue and silver than maroon and gold which should have unnerved me but only made me smirk. Slytherins always rooted against Gryffindor so that was expected, but the fact that Hufflepuff was choosing to root for Ravenclaw meant that they considered Gryffindor to be more competition to them, so I took it as a compliment.

I made it a point not to look over at the family and friends section of the stands because the idea that my father could get inside my head when he wasn't even around to taunt me in person made my blood boil.

Shit, that meant he _was_ getting inside my head.

 _Get out, get out, get out_.

"You okay?"

I glanced over at Alice with a forced smile. "Let's win today, shall we?"

She looked at me skeptically and I could tell she had an idea of what I was really thinking. But she said nothing just as an elderly Madam Hooch stepped on to the pitch and cried out, "Captains, shake hands!"

Grimacing, I reluctantly headed towards the middle of the field. Brooks dragged his feet there, too. We both looked like we wanted to be anywhere but there.

Being the bigger man (in spirit only as Brooks had at least forty pounds on me), I held out my hand first. He stared at it in disgust before grudgingly reaching out to shake it.

"AND THEY'RE OFF!" Rose spoke moments later. "And of course, Potter gets the quaffle! Did you know, he wins the first face-off 83% of the time? Unreal, folks! He quickly rushes past Finch, who does not look happy, and tosses it to Longbottom—the student of course, not the teacher...er, which you probably all knew—oh and Wood has got his hands on the quaffle now! And look at him go, folks! Not even bothered by the rain that appears to be coming down harder now—oh, and the quaffle is back in Potter's hand as he heads towards—WATCH OUT FOR THAT BLUDGER—the hoops! He ducks in time, he shoots, and he… _SCORES_! GRYFFINDOR WITH TEN POINTS ON THE BOARD!"

I pumped my fist into the air as CJ and Alice cheered alongside me, both of them grinning just as widely as I'm sure I was.

Brooks, on the other hand, looked like he wanted to murder me.

I tossed the keeper a taunting wave before heading back to the middle of the pitch.

I tuned out Rose for most of the game, only letting myself listen in for the occasional score update. But focusing on the announcing only ever distracted me. To me, it didn't matter who was ahead or who was being attacked by bludgers or who was making crazy saves. It was about me, my team, and the hoops. I knew where CJ and Alice were at all times because that's what we practiced. I knew Sadie was hovering in the middle of the pitch away from the action. I knew Cass would be blowing the stands away with her saves. And I knew that Jax and Fred would be tailing Callum, Ainsley, and Quinn. There was no need for me to be involved as I focused on getting the quaffle in my hands and scoring.

"-AND CJ SCORES! That's an even one hundred points to Gryffindor and only fifty for Ravenclaw! Cass is _on fire_ – secret weapon? I think so!"

I grinned proudly before tuning out Rose once again as Alice, CJ, and I continued to pass the quaffle amongst ourselves. With every goal we scored, I could see Brooks Pruitt getting angrier and angrier. He wasn't a terrible keeper but he was easily manipulated. I could look one way and shoot another way and since he'd be following my eyes, he'd miss the save. He could read facial expressions well but as Alice and I have long learned how to trick him, he was no match for us. CJ was still learning so it was easier for Brooks to catch him off-guard but I was confident that CJ would learn with more practice.

 _"WATCH OUT, FRED!"_

I glanced up sharply at the screech that fell from Alice's lips. I looked up just in time to see Fred getting smashed in the arm by a bludger. The profanities that fell from his mouth were enough to make everyone on the pitch cringe as he spiraled in the air, clutching his left arm with a wince.

"Oh, shoot!" Lorcan squeaked. "Sorry, Fred!"

" _What the hell are you doing apologizing to the other team for, Scamander!? Man the hell up!"_

I flipped Brooks off before gesturing to Hooch for a timeout.

My team flew towards the bench, gathering together as Fred stumbled off his broom, his arm bent in a crooked formation.

"Fuck, who knew Lorcan was so bloody strong," Fred hissed.

I knew Fred wouldn't be complaining if the pain wasn't excruciating. He's been hit before, has sprained his wrist several times over the year, has had minor concussions, and has sported deep bruises up and down various parts of his body but he has always shrugged them off. The wince on his face and the pain in his eyes told me this wasn't just a minor injury.

"Hugo!" I called out and Hugo jogged over from the bench.

"No!" Fred snapped, glaring at me. "I can still play, mate."

I glanced at him warily before settling my eyes on his bent arm. "Your arm is sticking out in like five different places."

"Two," he corrected. "And that's what I have another arm for."

I still looked hesitant.

"THIRTY SECONDS!" Hooch warned us.

"Are you sure, Fred?" I spoke. "No one will think less of you if we substitute Hugo-"

"AliCat, can you numb the arm?" he cut me off, turning to her with a pleading look.

She looked at him tentatively before pulling out her wand from her back pocket and muttering the numbing spell she had perfected in her first year on the team. Immediately, Fred let out a sigh of relief.

"Look: all fixed!" he said with a grin.

I shot him a look.

"It's my left arm, Potter," he urged. "I have another arm, a much stronger arm, and there is no fucking way I'm letting you pull me from this game."

"TEN SECONDS!"

"Fred-"

"I'm playing!" he practically snapped at me.

"Alright, alright, you're still in, but please bow out if it becomes too much. Don't try to be a hero at the expense of this game," I urged. "Sadie, just find that damned snitch, alright?"

"Oh, gee, is that what I'm supposed to be doing as seek-"

" _We don't have time for the sarcasm, Bishop!"_

She rolled her eyes before kicking off and heading back into the sky just as Madam Hooch blew her whistle.

We all mounted our brooms once more and rushed off towards the sky.

"Looks like Fred Weasley is still playing! You can't say the guy doesn't have guts!"

He smirked braggingly as he pumped his right fist into the air just as the match commenced once again.

Tuning out Rose once again, I focused on myself, Alice, and CJ. We scored, Cass made a save, we scored again, they scored, Brooks made a save, Cass made a save, we scored until we were up 120 points to 90 and that's when I heard Rose's voice turned manic.

"SNITCH HAS BEEN SPOTTED! I REPEAT, _SNITCH HAS BEEN SPOTTED_!"

I had the quaffle in my hands so I raced off towards the hoops, knowing that the Scamander twins would abandon the chasers for the seeker. Brooks was hardly paying any attention as I scored one last time before averting my own attention towards the race for the snitch.

"Roxanne has a slight head start but Sadie Bishop is fast and is on her tail! They both dive and…OUCH! Roxanne got a bludger to side from her own brother—COLD, FRED!—but that doesn't stop her and they both reach out and…wait, who has it?"

 _Yeah, who has it?_

"It's…it's…SADIE! SADIE HAS THE SNITCH! GRYFFINDOR WINS 280 TO 90! GRYFFINDOR WINS! _GRYFFINDOR WINS_!"

I practically rammed into Alice as I reached out to grab her in merriment. She laughed as her broom jerked mid-air at the unexpected tackle. Letting go of my embrace, we both flew down to the ground with matching grins to meet up with the rest of the team on the ground.

"That's my girl!" I boasted, tossling Sadie's mussed up hair with a grin. She swatted at me but she was smiling as she stretched out her hand holding the snitch towards me.

"Congrats on your first win, Captain," she said with a shrug, tossing the snitch at me.

I suppose Sadie Bishop wasn't unbearable _all_ the time.

Just most of the time.

"You caught it, Bishop. It's yours."

"I'm a seeker. Do you know how many random snitches I have?" she drawled with a shake of the head. "Keep it. You deserve it."

My eyebrow popped up. "That almost sounded like a compliment."

"It wasn't," she drawled, smirking at me as she disappeared toawrds the clubhouse before the pitch could be overrun my excited fans.

Pocketing the snitch, I glanced towards the stands as they quickly emptied out while everyone flooded the field to help us celebrate. My arm was draped around Alice's shoulders as Jax and Fred do-si-doed around the rest of us. CJ and Cass just stood there with goofy grins as I turned to them and said, "How does it feel to be winners?"

"Fucking awesome" was Cass' immediate response and CJ nodded vigorously. All I could do was chuckle in agreement.

Students came up to us, congratulating us one-by-one, and I eventually caught my mother's eye lurking nearby with Teddy, Uncle George, and Aunt Angelina. I separated myself from Alice and wandered towards them.

"An excellent game, James!" Uncle George greeted me first, clapping me on the back.

"If you don't mind, I have to go have a talk with my son about how _not_ to be a reckless _fool_ ," Angelina huffed as she circled around me and made her way towards Fred. I could hear her scolding her son about the costly consequences of playing with injuries.

"Er…I should probably make sure she doesn't kill him," George murmured, clearing his throat as he took off, too.

I chuckled and Teddy swooped in. "Your team was on fire!" he greeted, reaching over to ruffle my hair.

I didn't even try to jerk away as I grinned. "Well, they have one hell of a Captain."

Teddy chuckled. "Can't say I disagree," he spoke with a nod.

"Couldn't convince Vic to come?"

"Nah, she's at home with Dora. I left just as Dora got into one of her temper tantrums so I have a feeling Vic may not be too pleased with me right now," he grimaced.

"Sounds like you lucked out, T," I teased.

He didn't seem to think so. "I should probably grab some flowers before getting home."

"Probably a good idea."

He clapped me on the back. "Good game, kid. Keep it up and you'll definitely be on Quidditch payroll next year."

I grinned as he winked at me and disappeared.

I watched him go before slowly turning to Mum who had been silent up to this point. "So, we won," I said with a grin.

"Ah, so that was why I was cheering at the end," she said with a smile. "You were great out there. A well-deserved win." With a grin, she quickly reached out to embrace me tightly.

" _Muuuum_ , you're embarrassing me!" I groaned with a bit of a teasing chuckle.

She let me go with a smirk. "I'm your mother. It's my job to embarrass you."

I rolled my eyes. "Thanks for coming."

"Wouldn't have missed it for the world," she said with the shake of her head. "Your first match as Captain. Look at you all grown up."

"Whoa, who said I was grown up?" I whined.

She chuckled. "Ah, right, I forget you much prefer to stay a petulant child."

"Damn straight."

She smiled but it slowly faded. "I'm sorry your father couldn't be here. He wanted to come but-"

"He had to work," I spoke flatly. "It's fine."

It wasn't.

She frowned. "He didn't know if you'd want him here."

That was a bloody copout and she knew it. But I played right into her hand. "I didn't."

She was disappointed by those words and looked like she wanted to say something but clearly thought better of it as she turned away from my hard gaze. "Well, I know you're just dying to get to the party in your common room we both know is happening."

"A party?" I gasped. "Nope, I plan to hit the library with my books and spend the rest of the evening studying."

Her eyebrow popped up in disbelief. "That might be the biggest lie you ever told."

"Nah, I'm sure I've told bigger," I teased, ducking as she attempted to swat at the back of my head. With a laugh, I thanked her again for coming, reluctantly hugged her good-bye and rushed off back into the crowd. Fred appeared to be nowhere in sight, though I had a feeling if his mother had her way, he was on the way to the hospital wing. I noticed Alice talking to her father and AJ off to the side so started to venture that way but I stopped as I noticed Cass wandering my way with a boy who looked all too familiar.

"Kip?" I greeted.

The young boy beamed, nearly knocking me over with a hug. "YOU WERE AWESOME! BEST GAME EVER!"

Cass chuckled, ruffling up her brother's hair. "Let the guy breathe, Kip," she said, grabbing the back of his shirt and pulling him away from me.

I reached into my pocket and pulled out the snitch. "How about I give you the snitch from that awesome, best game ever?"

The eyes on the seven-year-old boy widened to the size of saucers. He couldn't even speak, his gaze entranced by the golden snitch.

"I think you broke my brother," Cass chuckled, nudging me with the end of her broom.

I crouched down and held it out for Kip. "Every time you look at it, just remember that one day all of this can be yours."

The excitement in his face was electrifying. "I want to be just like you when I grow up," he said in awe, holding out his hand as I placed the snitch in his hands.

James Potter, the role model. Had a nice ring to it if you asked me.

"And just like that, I become yesterday's news," Cass said with a shake of the head, the edges of her lips turned upward.

"Well, I can't turn out like _you_ , Cass. _I'm not a girl_ ," Kip said in a sing-song voice.

"Yeah, Cass, he's not a _girl_ ," I teased, draping my arm around his shoulders.

She laughed. "Oh, right. What _was_ I thinking?" she chuckled. "Now go on, Kip. Our parents are waiting for you."

"Ah, do I have to?" he whined. "I want to come to the after-party!"

I nearly choked as Cass' eyebrows shot up. "Who says there's an after-party?"

Kip made a show of rolling his eyes. "Duh, there's _always_ an after-party."

Not only was he cute, but the kid was smart, too.

"You'll have your own share of after-parties when you become the star of your own team one day," I said, reaching over to ruffle his hair. "Now don't keep your parents waiting."

He pouted but hugged the both of us one last time before skipping off to where Cass' parents stood. I watched him go with a chuckle, eventually glancing back towards Cass who had a strange look on her face.

"What?" I asked.

She smiled. "You're just full of surprises, James Potter, y'know that?"

I wasn't sure what to make of that comment but apparently it didn't matter, because she was winking at me before she disappeared into the crowd to presumably search for her friends.

I did the same and in a search for Alice, stumbled into Reese Greengrass. "Oops, sorry," I said, grabbing a hold of her shoulders to stabilize her.

"Well, if it ain't the star of the hour," she chuckled, smirking up at me.

"Nuh-uh, that would unfortunately be our rather unpleasant seeker," I countered. "But she can be as unpleasant as she wants as long as she keeps catching that snitch."

Reese cocked her head to the side curiously. "I'd actually argue that your keeper may be your star of the hour considering no one had any insight into her keeper abilities."

I grinned rather smugly. "Ah, jealous our keeper may actually be better than you, Baby Girl?"

Her eyebrow popped upward. "I wasn't aware you valued your life so little, Potter."

I let out a good-natured guffaw and said, "Don't worry, you'll always be a spitfire. You're just now a spitfire with a bit of competition."

"A bit of competition has never scared me before so it hardly scares me now."

I grinned and winked at her. "Can't wait until our match in March."

"That makes two of us, Potter," she smirked.

We said our good-byes and I finally made my way over to where Alice was saying good-bye to her father and sister.

"Hey, Neville!" I greeted, slinging an arm around Alice's shoulder. She stumbled a bit, rolling her eyes at me.

"Good game, James," Neville spoke, reaching out his hand.

"Oh, no, don't give him an even bigger head than he already has," AJ groaned.

"Like that's possible," Alice giggled.

With a grin, I reached up to ruffle her hair. She swatted at me and scowled. "Well, it was good seeing you, AJ," I drawled. "No, wait, it wasn't."

"Likewise," she drawled.

"Oh, stop, you two," Alice groaned.

"But riling each other up is what we do best," I pouted.

"How about you do what you're second best at and revel in the glory that is your Quidditch win?" Alice suggested.

Bragging about my Quidditch talent _is_ a favorite pastime of mine...

"Alright, but you have to revel with me. C'mon, there's a common room with our name on it for…er-" I glanced up at Neville with a sheepish grin, "-studying. Lots of studying. Big plans. Big studying, revising plans."

Neville rolled his eyes as both Alice and AJ snorted in unison. "You forget I used to be a student once, James," Neville drawled. "I'm coming in at midnight to shut down the party. Try to stay out of trouble."

"Party? What party?" I feigned ignorance.

Alice elbowed me in the side. "Just walk away, Jay, before Dad decides to make it eleven o'clock instead."

I grinned and nodded, steering the both of us towards the exit. "Fred in the hospital wing?"

"Yes. Angelina insisted."

"Well, then, we'll just have to drink more in his honor."

Alice rolled her eyes. "Like you need an excuse to drink more."

She made an excellent point.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"'We are the champions, we are the champions, no time for losers, 'cause we are the champions… _of the world_!'"

It was four hours later and I was a few drinks in when Jax and I decided it would be a good idea to get the entire crowd singing a verse of Queen's "We are the Champions." Cass and CJ had joined in quickly while Alice just stood in the corner laughing the entire time. Sadie was nowhere to be found but she usually opted out of the festivities. And Fred was apparently still in the hospital wing, though I was surprised to not see him back since it was just a broken bone and Madam Clearwater was an expert at fixing those up.

"I think someone is drunk," Alice teased when I skipped over to her.

"Nah," I lied, shaking my head. "I saw Jessup over here chatting you up. What did that ponce want?"

"He congratulated me on the win," she said. "That's all."

"Good. Let's not be making friends with that hoity-toity cretin, alright?"

"You certainly have a way with the insults after a few drinks," she snickered. "I was just about to go visit Fred, see what's taking him so long. You want to join?"

I downed the rest of my drink and tossed the cup on to a nearby table. "Yeah, let's go."

The two of us shuffled out and headed down the hallway, though not before Everly stopped us to tell me what an impeccable game I played. I grinned, thanked her, and told her to save me a dance later. Alice rolled her eyes the entire time.

"Don't even think about it," she said when we poured into the hallway.

"Think about what?"

"Everly. She's Rose's roommate."

"Rose doesn't even like her."

"Rose doesn't like anyone," Alice reminded me. "Except for Harley and Albus."

"So I won't go after Harley or Albus," I teased. "Everly should be fair game."

"Right, like you haven't considered going after Harley after her break-up news."

I may have fantasized about her in the shower last night.

Not that Alice needed to know that.

"There are plenty of other fishies in the sea," I argued instead.

Alice's eyebrow shot up. "Did you just use the word fishies?"

"I did."

"Madam Clearwater is going to know you're drunk the moment you walk into the hospital wing," she sighed.

"Nuh uh, I'm good at hiding it!" I said with a shake of the head. "My parents never found out about my drunken excursions."

"Oh, please, they knew about them. They were just happy you made it home in one piece that they didn't scold you for it," Alice argued. "Our parents know what we're up to, Jay. They're not stupid. But as long as we're safe, they let it be."

I contemplated this before pouting. "Fuck, they totally knew about my drunken excursions."

She laughed before nodding. "They did."

I attempted to sober up as we continued through the hallways, reliving moments of today's games until we reached the hospital wing's double-doors. We entered and scanned the room for Fred but all we saw was a sniffling fourth year who broke into sneezes every few minutes.

"She doesn't look like Fred," I mused, earning a smack to the gut from Alice.

Madam Clearwater saved us the trouble of calling out to her when she sauntered out of the back room, throwing us a wary look while hurrying over to the fourth year. "What are you two doing here?"

"Looking for Fred," Alice spoke up.

She stared at us curiously.

"About yea high, dark skin, arm broken in two places," I added, earning another smack from Alice. My stomach was going to have a nice bruise on it if she kept this up.

Madam Clearwater handed the potion to the younger student, giving her strict instructions to gulp it all down, before turning towards us. "I know who he is. But I don't know why you're here for him seeing as I sent him back to his common room over two hours ago."

Alice and I exchanged a look. "You did?" she questioned.

"Yes," she said testily, saying nothing more as she rushed off into the back once again.

Alice turned back to me with knitted eyebrows. "It's not like him to miss a party," she mused. "Where the hell could he be?"

"A question I'd very much like the answer to," I drawled as the two of us exited the hospital wing. Frowning, I spoke as we descended the stairwell. "He lied about where he was on Halloween."

Alice blinked, confusion settling into her expression. "Er…what?"

"He was never in the Ravenclaw common room," I spoke before explaining how I found out from Roxanne that neither she nor Zig had been in the common room on the night of Halloween.

"I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation," she spoke slowly.

"I'm sure there is, too," I spoke. "But why wouldn't he just tell us said reasonable explanation instead of lying to us?"

She frowned, clearly not having a response to what should have been an easy question. "Why not consult the Map?"

I made a face. "He learned how to make himself untraceable on the bloody thing."

"Damn."

"I know, makes it far more difficult trying to track-"

"No, I said 'damn' because I'm annoyed he never taught me how to make _myself_ untraceable."

I scowled at her. "Oy, what things are you doing that you don't want me knowing about?"

"I'm shagging in broom closets. No, wait, that's you."

"Not something you're allowed to joke about!" I scoffed.

She rolled her eyes. "We have more pressing issues here than my shagging habits."

" _What shagging habits are you talking about_?"

"Bloody hell, it's like talking to a brick wall sometimes," she sighed. "C'mon, maybe Fred is back in the common room."

"Oy, we're not done with this conversation!"

She flipped me off and rounded the corner.

I made a mental note to watch the Map more carefully from then on.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Fred was not back in the common room and it unnerved me. But there wasn't much I could do about it so I poured myself another drink. In doing so, I noticed a movement in a hidden alcove of the room. Curious, I took a sip of my new drink and explored the movement.

Harley glanced up in surprise from where she sat crosslegged when I stepped into her view. "Guess this isn't the best hiding spot after all," she spoke, her words severely slurred.

"That's where I hide from Rose when she's on one of her rampages," I said with a shrug.

"Funny, that's exactly who I'm hiding from right now," she muttered, taking a gulp of her drink.

I cocked my head to the side. "You're hiding from Rose?"

"She keeps trying to cheer me up and frankly, I'm not in the mood."

I grimaced. "I'd ask how you're doing but I have a feeling you've been getting that question a lot so I won't bother with it."

She stirred the contents of her drink, staring at the rim, before speaking. "Yeah, but you might actually mean it."

That comment struck me as odd, though that might be her drunkenness talking. Hell, and my drunkenness. "What do you mean?"

Frustration slid into her expression as she looked up at me. "I'm about to get incredibly conceited but here goes," she drawled, "I know I'm pretty. Very pretty actually. Hot is a better way of putting it."

Couldn't argue with her there.

"And every guy that comes up to me wanting to make sure I'm okay, I am one-hundred-percent aware that they don't give a shit about my break-up with Jett, that while they're asking me 'are you okay' what they really want to be asking me is 'shag me, Harley, won't you?' Bloody pricks. All of them. _All guys are goddamned pricks_."

I felt like I should take offense to that but I just felt sorry for her because I knew she was right. She was probably being bombarded by guys who wanted to be able to brag that they had a taste of Harley Duncan. And they wanted to get in there before some other guy swept in and they lost their chance.

"It's true," I admitted with a shrug. "We are all pricks. Which makes me wonder why you think I'd mean it when I asked you how you were doing."

She took another large sip of her drink before glancing up at me with bloodshot eyes. "You're Rose's cousin," she muttered. "You care about her, ergo you kinda feel like you have to care about me, too."

It was very straightforward logic but it was true. I could see the heartbreak in her eyes and the way she was holding on to her drink for dear life and I felt terrible that she was clearly hurting as much as she was. I never would have noticed or even cared had it been any other girl besides the best friend of my cousin.

"I like to think I don't care about anyone," I joked with a curt shrug.

"'Cept Alice," she spoke almost immediately.

I blinked in surprise. "Er…yeah, I guess you're right."

She tilted her head to the side, her eyes narrowing up at me as if she was trying to size me up. It didn't have the intended effect, however, since she wobbled unstably. "You sleeping with her?"

If her first comment made me blink in surprise, this one had my jaw dropping. _"What?_ No, of course not!"

Harley spoke as she staggered to her feet, downing the rest of her drink and dropping the empty cup on to the floor. "Good," she said, grabbing my arm and dragging me towards the exit.

I stumbled over my feet, my drink sloshing to the ground. "Uh, where are we going?"

She smirked but said nothing as we exited the portrait, a few surprised glances directed at us, and spilled into the corridor.

"Harley?"

She stopped short, turning around to face me. "What?"

There was a definite glimmer of mischief in her otherwise drunken eyes. "Where are we going?" I repeated.

She said nothing at first, staring up at me as a nervous fluster flickered in her expression before it disappeared and a coy smirk replaced it. Without saying anything, she took a step towards me and smashed her lips against mine.

I would have liked to say I stopped her or I pushed her away but I was a seventeen-year-old male kissing the hottest girl in school.

Her lips were frantic against mine, the kiss sloppy and yet filled with an unexpected fire. I dropped the cup in my hands to the floor, ignoring the liquid that splashed on to the bottom of my bare legs, and dug my hands through her silky hair, my lips tugging at her bottom lip as I felt my heart began to race.

It was over before it really began when she took a hesitant step back, grinning up at me. "There's an empty classroom at the bottom of the stairwell."

She did not have to tell me twice.

When we burst through the door, her lips were on mine and I slammed the door shut, smashing her back against the shut door as our lips danced hungrily against each other's. A moan escaped though I couldn't be sure at the time if it was from her or me, but that didn't rightly matter as her hips rolled up to meet my pelvis. The single movement made me harden as I slid a tongue into her open mouth, our tongues swirling as one.

She pushed me back until we crashed against a table, her body toppling against mine, our lips never straying from one another's. She only pulled back to let out a gasp of air, her hungry eyes meeting mine before she slipped her mouth over mine once again and we were kissing like the pair of horny teenagers that we were. My lips led a trail of kisses down her jawline and towards her neck and she arched her back, a moan escaping as I nibbled at her neck and started to dip lower, my mouth on her collarbone and plunging towards her V-neck T-shirt. She pulled away and swiftly tugged her T-shirt over her head, discarding it to the floor.

That's when my conscience caught up with me.

I pulled back with a frown, my hands dropping from her waist. "Harley, wait…" I spoke softly.

She glanced down at me in confusion, surprised as to why I stopped but it took only a few seconds before the realization hit her and she scowled. "You have got to be kidding me."

Oh, I so wish I was.

"I can't" was all I said, my voice full of so much guilt.

She pushed herself away from me with a vigorous shake of the head. "I didn't think no was in your vocabulary, Potter."

Inside, I was screaming at myself. Outside, I said, "You were right before. I do care about you."

"I'm pretty sure I didn't ask you here so you could _care_ ," she hissed, only then realizing she was without a shirt. She reached down and threw her T-shirt over her head. It was inside out but I didn't think she cared.

Yeah, I was very much aware of that.

"And if I didn't, we would still very much be snogging right now," I murmured, mentally kicking myself for evidently having a conscience. "But you deserve better."

Surprise flickered in her eyes quickly followed by frustration. " _Fuck you_ ," she growled, hastily making a beeline towards the door but I managed to catch her arm before she could get far.

"Harley," I spoke softly, "You wouldn't have been able to look me in the eye tomorrow. And what's worse is you wouldn't have been able to look yourself in the eye."

The anger was still there as she glared up at me but it didn't late long before it was fading into guilty regret. And before long, I saw tears reflecting in her eyes. She said nothing at first, clearly trying to wrap her head around the events of what almost took place. "I should have sought out Fred. He would have slept with me," she muttered, rubbing her eyes.

Yeah, he probably would have.

Then again, he would have said the same about me.

Oh, dear God, please tell me I wasn't turning into a good guy.

"This isn't what you really want to be doing," I argued softly.

She pulled her arm away from me and backed up slowly as if she was only just noticing how close we still were. Her eyes filled with such desperate sadness as she struggled with so many different emotions. "I hate him," she eventually whispered.

My eyebrow shot up. "Who? Jett?"

She folded her arms across her body vulnerably and nodded. "I mean, no, I don't hate him. I love him unfortunately. But I hate him for breaking up with me."

I neglected to point out that she was just as much at fault for that that he was.

"Then again, it's not like I gave him a reason not to," she muttered.

Evidently she noticed that without me having to bring it up.

"I'm an idiot," she moaned into her hands.

I picked myself off the desk and walked over to her, removing her hands from her face. "He's the idiot. And he's going to realize it soon enough and come crawling back to you."

She didn't look convinced. "You really think so?"

"Yeah, I mean, I hear you're pretty. Very pretty. Hot even," I teased, repeating her words from before.

She blushed before letting out a laugh. Looking up at me, however, her laugh turned into a groan. "Oh, fucking hell, did I really almost sleep with _James Potter_?"

"Oy, what's wrong with sleeping with James Potter?" I huffed.

She moaned. "I was just looking to forget about Jett and you looked like you genuinely cared and that was better than the rest of the guys who were just looking at me like I was a piece of meat and I just wanted to ignore my broken heart _for just a second_ and let's face it, I'm about seven drinks in and then you were there and it just seemed so easy but I guess none of this is really easy so I don't know what I was think-"

"You're blabbering, Duncan."

She stopped short with a sigh. "You were right," she spoke reluctantly, "I never would have forgiven myself." She hesitated. "Or you."

I oddly didn't take offense to that. "I know."

We stood there just looking at each other in silence, one that should have been awkward but wasn't, before she spoke again. "I know you'd like the world to believe you're a total jackass, James, but you're really not."

I grimaced. "Let's not go spreading that around, shall we?"

She frowned curiously. "Why do you want to be a jackass?"

I carefully considered my answer, knowing that the last thing I wanted to tell her was that I'd rather everyone see me as a jackass than the broken soul I really was. She wouldn't understand. No one would.

I cleared my throat before saying, "I've learned not to expect anything from anyone. So why should they expect something from me?"

She seemed to think over those words before responding. "The only person's expectations you should meet are your own."

"I do," I lied for I had long stopped letting myself have expectations.

She looked unconvinced but I jumped in before she could comment. "No hard feelings, Harley?" I pleaded.

With a swift shake of the head, she said, "No. If anything I should be grateful you had the willpower to stop it when I clearly didn't."

"I hate that I had willpower," I muttered, letting out a groan.

She smirked. "You should. I'm an excellent shag."

Fuck, fuck, fuck. Why did I have to choose today of all days to be considerate of other people's feelings?

"Yeah, for my own sake, I'm going to pretend that's not true," I sighed.

"Guess you'll never know," she teased. With a shrug she headed back towards the door. "C'mon, we should get back before the rumors start."

I sighed. "We left the common room together and I'm sure someone saw us. I have a feeling the rumors have already started."

"Well, shit."

My thoughts exactly.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"Save yourself."

I whirled around as Alice rushed up to me with those blunt words. "Er…what?"

"Everly saw you leave with Harley, and Rose is now on the warpath. I'm telling you, _get out of here now_."

"What, a guy can't leave with a girl without the whole school thinking it was something unsavory?"

She shot me a look. "We're talking about the biggest man whore and the most beautiful girl in school."

"Now wait one minute. I thought Fred was the man whore."

" _This is not the time to joke_."

"I didn't sleep with her, Ace."

She rolled her eyes. "You're going to need to work on your conviction if you're going to convince Rose you didn't defile her best friend."

"I didn't sleep with her!"

"Better. Now get going."

"But _-_ "

" _Now_!"

From across the room, I saw Rose corner Harley and lay one into her so with a grimace I did as Alice said and I fled.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I had been planning to wait up for Fred to return to the room but had dozed off and the next thing I knew, it was morning and it took me a few good minutes to remember the events, or lack thereof, of the night before.

Turning on to my back, I stared up at the ceiling as I replayed the moment I turned Harley down over and over again in my mind. I'd like to think I had good guy tendencies but I knew that they were incredibly lacking. And yet, I had a beautiful half-naked girl in my arms and chose not to sleep with her because in that moment, it felt wrong.

I really, _really_ hated my conscience. Hell, I wasn't even aware I had one until last night.

Groaning, I slipped out of bed. Glancing around the room, I realized it was deserted. I turned towards the clock and noticed that it was nearing eleven o'clock so I hopped in the shower. Ignoring the slight pounding in my head, I threw on jeans and a sweater a few minutes later and headed down to the Great Hall.

Fred and Alice were there chatting with Jax when I slipped into the bench beside the latter, reaching for a scone.

"You have some balls showing up here," Jax spoke in a low voice, stealing a glance up and down the table. "Rose wants your head on a stake."

My hand stopped midway to the scone platter as I glanced over at him. "What the hell? I would have assumed Harley would have straightened her out by now."

"About?" he prodded.

"The fact that I didn't sleep with her!" I hissed.

Silence fell over the table as my three friends stared skeptically at me.

"Wait, seriously?" Fred finally spoke.

I sighed and nodded. "Believe me, the plan was to shag, but…well, it didn't happen."

"Ah, her conscience caught up with her, did it?" Jax questioned.

I let out an irritated grunt. "No, my conscience caught up with _me_."

More silence.

"Wait, _seriously_?" Fred demanded.

With gritted teeth, I said, "Yes."

"So you weren't lying when you told me last night that you didn't sleep with her?" Alice spoke, the surprise in her tone unmistakable.

" _Yes_."

That earned me more stares of incredulity. Not that I was surprised. I didn't tell many stories that ended with me _not_ shagging the girl.

"So let me get this straight," Fred spoke, clearing his throat as he settled his gaze on me, "You left the common room together, you had the chance to fuck her, and…you didn't."

"Yes! How many times do I have to say it!?" I groaned.

More silence until - " _What the fuck is wrong with you_?"

Jax snorted in agreement while Alice could only continue staring at me in awe. "Er…nothing?" I suggested.

Fred and Jax exchanged a look but whatever they were going to say was interrupted. "Way to go, Potter!"

Glancing around, I let out a groan as Hufflepuff Dale Edison flashed me a thumbs up. Behind him, Ike Mitchell cheered and winked at me before the two of them continued on to the Hufflepuff table.

"Fucking hell," I swore, shaking my head in disbelief, "The one time I _don't_ sleep with a girl and suddenly rumors are flying about how I did?"

"Yeah, no one believes you didn't sleep with her, mate," Jax spoke, clapping me on the back with an apologetic shrug.

"But I didn't!" I groaned.

Fred spoke next. "Rose is going to castrate you."

" _I didn't do anything_!"

"You snogged her, didn't you?"

I hesitated. "Alright, so I did one thing."

Laughter erupted from the two boys as I noticed then that Alice was still staring at me. "What?" I sighed.

She blinked. "You really didn't sleep with her?"

" _I really didn't sleep with her_."

She continued staring at me before a smile broke out. "Well, look at that. James Potter does actually have a heart."

This was getting out of hand. "Don't you dare go spreading that around!"

She let out a faint chuckle but said nothing more as she returned to her breakfast with a smile. The odd sort of smile on her face that kept my eyes glancing in her direction curiously, wondering what she could possibly be thinking.

I didn't have much time to dissect it, however, for my name was being screamed out for all of the Great Hall to hear.

" _JAMES SIRIUS POTTER_!"

I cringed at the sheer volume of my cousin's voice as I met the wide eyes of my three friends.

I wondered if it was too late to hide under the table.

Glancing up, I saw Rose storming over to me with a murderous look in her eyes.

Yeah, it was too late.

"I didn't do anything!" was how I greeted a red-faced Rose.

" _You didn't do anything my arse_ ," she snapped at me, her hands planted firmly on her hips as her eyes blazed with rage. "She was single for less than twenty-four hours and you bloody pounced on her like the scheming jackass you are!"

"She pounced," I argued. "She was the one who hit on me."

"Oh, right, and I'm sure you were so bloody broken up about that!"

"I stopped it, didn't I!" I groaned. "Wait, she told you I stopped it, didn't I?"

" _After you snogged her_."

"Er, well, yeah, I am male," I couldn't help but point out as if that explained everything.

My three friends groaned, making me think that hadn't been the best response.

The glare in Rose's eyes softened into one of betrayal and disappointment. "I realize that you and I don't always get along," she spoke coolly, an unexpected regret in her tone, "But you're my cousin. And I'm yours. I thought that might give you some sense of loyalty but apparently I was wrong."

" _I stopped it, didn't I_?" I groaned, feeling like a broken record.

"There shouldn't have been anything to stop," she scoffed.

"For fuck's sake, Rose, I'm sorry that I'm your typical teenage male who snogged a good-looking girl, but it did not go any further than that so I really do not see why you're here right now scolding me when honestly, this has nothing to do with you," I snapped at her, my frustration getting the better of me.

Her eyes darkened into narrow slits of rage. "Oh, of course this isn't about me, because everything is _always about you_ , isn't it?"

"What the hell are you-"

"You don't give a fuck about anything or anyone as long as you are getting what you want without bothering to think about consequences or how your actions might affect anybody else around you," she snarled, ignoring me outright. "You trick these girls into sleeping with you and then you drop them the next day because you literally have no moral ground to stand on and you talk back to the professors because you consider yourself invincible or maybe you just pretend to be and you ignore your studies because you don't think they're worth your precious time and you let Quidditch run your life because it's the only bloody thing in the entire bloody world that you care about and therefore you're convinced it should be the only thing that everyone else should really give a damn about and you sneak out of the castle because you think acting like a rebel is cool and hip and you act like a _total arrogant arsehole_ to anyone who isn't in your inner circle just because you can and you go and punch people the moment they piss you off because to you, one detention is barely a blip on your radar and you treat your own brother like shit just because he decided to actually be a decent son to parents who love you by the way but who you also treat like shit just because they have no control over the fame that has come with saving the world. But you don't see any of that, do you? You don't care to. As long as you're happy in your _perfect little bubble of a world_ , nothing else matters to you because that's just the selfish prick that you are. So just do us all a favor and once you graduate, move far, far away and leave us all the hell alone because frankly, we are all so much better off without you."

She wasted no time in storming off, but I barely noticed as my heart sunk straight into my chest, a sense of crushing numbness circuitously rushing through my every vein.

I said nothing. I did nothing. I felt nothing.

All I could do was sit there, pretending not to feel blind-sided or betrayed or yes, even hurt by the heart-wrenching stabs she took at my personal character. I could have been pissed at her, hell I should have been, but I was too busy feeling shocked to feel anything else.

I could feel my friends' eyes on me but I didn't dare look up at them for I knew there would be pity or remorse or regret on their faces and that was the last thing I wanted or needed for I knew full well that none of them could argue with any of Rose's harsh statements. And if they did, they'd be lying.

So instead of looking up at them, instead of bothering to acknowledge them at all, I swiftly pushed my plate away from me, stood up from the bench, and walked away, all while ignoring the three of them as they called out to me in protest.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I didn't know where I was going. I didn't have a plan so I wandered the halls alone, pretending not to care about anything Rose just said. I liked to think I have a thick skin. I felt like I had to have one with my father being Harry Potter and people treating my family like I'm a part of royalty. Articles were always discussing the latest scandal surrounding us or people jeered at us because they were under the impression we thought we were special (for the record, we don't think that) or people somehow tried to use my family against me. It got under my skin but it took years of practice to act like it didn't.

Okay, fine, I'm still working on it.

The point is, to deal with all the bullshit surrounding my last name I had to have some sort of thick skin. So, Rose's words shouldn't have bothered me. And I pretended they didn't. But unfortunately, they did. Not because they were unexpected. But because they were true.

I did live in a perfect little bubble of a world where it was rare for me to invite others into it. I had Alice and Fred and that had always been enough for me. Louis and Teddy were on the list of people I didn't hate and Dash popped in occasionally and I let Jax stick around but ultimately my world could be complete with just Fred and Alice. I didn't need any of the others. I had long shunned everyone else in my family. I never let girls get close to me. I used arrogance as a way of pushing everyone else away. And it worked. Maybe a little too well. Because the truth was, I'd rather be seen as an arrogant prick who had no heart than a vulnerable teenager with a damaged one.

Maybe if my father had stopped ignoring me and maybe if my mother stopped making excuses for him and maybe if the world stopped involving themselves in my every move and maybe if I had been a better student and maybe if I hadn't started resenting my brother and maybe if I let myself respect my authority figures instead of disregarding them and maybe, _just maybe_ if my father hadn't been the Chosen One, I could have turned out to be a pretty nice guy who had no enemies, was the top of his class, and strove for the kind of love people read in fairytales. But I wasn't a nice guy. I wasn't even halfway decent. I was everything Rose told me I was. And the unfortunate truth was, she was right to say that that my parents had never had any control on who they became. My father had never asked to be the hero. And yet, I still blamed him for it. Because I had always found it easier blaming him and everyone else than admit I was part of the problem.

I wasn't even remotely surprised to find myself standing in the middle of the Quidditch pitch as I let the cold air envelop me. The air had turned crisp and I wasn't wearing a jacket so I kept shivering, but I slowly got used to it. I didn't even steal away to the clubhouse to grab my broom and fly. I told myself it was because I wasn't in the mood but subconsciously I knew that it wouldn't do much good. Besides, I had a feeling my friends would be showing up at any minute and they'd steal me away from the sky so there really wasn't much point to wasting my time.

As if on cue, I heard the crunch of the grass behind me.

My lips pursed as I waited for them to get nearer. I was surprised to only hear one set of footsteps. I would have guessed Fred and Alice would have double-teamed me.

I turned to my right as the presence appeared and found Alice standing there. "Where's Fred?"

"In his words, he's killing Rose."

Any other time, I probably would have laughed. This time, I was just rooting him on.

"You know how everyone is always saying that Rose is a scary-ass bitch?" she said, dropping on to the bench beside me.

I grunted in response.

"That display in the Great Hall is exactly the reason why."

"She wasn't being a bitch," I found myself saying. "She was being honest."

"No," Alice spoke with a shake of the head, "That wasn't honesty. She was pissed off over something that as you already pointed out, had nothing to do with her. You and Harley are adults who make their own choices. She has no say in what you two do. But we all know how much Rose Weasley can't stand not being in control so she took it out on you."

I frowned. "She was right to."

"For fuck's sake, James," she snapped, glaring at me, "Don't you dare play the woe-is-me pity card on me now. That's never been you."

"Of course not because I'm apparently an arrogant arsehole who only thinks of himself and it'd make everyone else's lives far better if I just disappeared."

A flicker of regret shone in Alice's periwinkle eyes. "It wouldn't make my life better," she spoke softly.

Those words made my heart ache because I could tell she genuinely meant them and that somehow made me feel worse. Alice deserved a better friend than the guy Rose depicted.

When I didn't respond, she sighed. "You can't honestly believe all that shit she said, can you?"

I said nothing.

"She's not right," she pleaded.

"The problem is, Ace," I murmured, turning back to face her, "Is that she is right. I know it. She knows it. And I know you know it, too."

"No, James-"

"Don't," I sighed with a vigorous shake of the head, "Don't tell me you don't think any of it is true because it would just be you trying to cheer me up instead of it being what you actually believe. Maybe you don't think I'm as terrible a guy as Rose painted me out to be but we both know you don't think I'm a saint either."

Alice's lips pursed hesitantly. "I wasn't going to call you a saint," she spoke. "I was going to call you an okay, mediocre, nice-enough guy who can be an overprotective, closed-off, selfish prat at times but who can also be funny and charming and loveable at other times."

I blinked, glancing down at her cheeky smile. "I'm loveable?" I mused. "That's news to me."

She rolled her eyes. "You don't make loving you easy, that's for sure," she teased. "But I do anyway."

We weren't the type of people that said we loved each other so hearing her say it now took me a bit by surprise. I met the sincerity in her eyes and realized in that moment that if I were to just get up and disappear from the bubble I had been living in these past eighteen years, I'd have to take Alice with me because I was fairly certain I couldn't live without her.

I didn't tell her that of course. I just said, "Rose gave you ample reasons as to why I don't make it easy."

Alice let out an irritated groan. "Rose is a bitch, remember?"

I shrugged. "Doesn't make her wrong."

Alice folded her arms across her body. " _I'm_ telling you she's wrong," she scoffed.

I only offered her yet another shrug.

She let out a frustrated sigh. "Do you know what I see when I look at you, Jay?"

"A handsome, charming bloke?"

"No, actually, neither of those things come to mind," she drawled.

I pouted. "Uh, ouch."

"No, not ouch," she argued, shaking her head. "Because what I see is a guy who has more heart than he even realizes. A guy who is loyal to the people he cares about and who would fight to the death to protect them. I see a guy who has insecurities, even though he'll never admit it, because he's been let down by the people he once looked up to and it turned him into a bit of a cynic because as it turns out, the world he once so fiercely believed in is now one he struggles to appreciate. I see a smart, funny, charismatic friend who has always been a decent guy to me so why should I believe any differently?"

I could still hear Rose's words in my head, but they were slowly being drowned out by Alice's praise. Because the truth was, the only person's opinion I'd probably ever really care about was Alice's.

So I offered her a grateful nod and said, "Has anyone ever told you that you have a real way with words?"

"Only you," she said, nudging me with her elbow. "But it's only because you bring out the best in me."

My smile faded. "I don't know about that," I said aloud, though I had intended to keep that thought to myself.

She met my gaze, a heavy determination in her eyes. " _I do_."

She sounded so sincere I found myself unable to argue with her further. So I didn't. I just turned to her and said, "Thank you, Ace."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I was happy to be able to use the team meeting that evening as a distraction. The whole school was currently gossiping about my torrid affair with Harley Duncan (how can it be classified as an affair when we were both single at the time?) (Wait, how can it be classified as an affair when _we didn't do anything_?) and the speculation was running rampant. Guys either congratulated me for my winning efforts or jeered at me for beating them to the punch. I had lost count of how many times I had uttered the words "We didn't shag." It was actually slightly emasculating to admit I didn't pull the trigger but I wasn't about to drag Harley through the mud when she hardly deserved it.

"Alright, Team," I spoke, greeting the group that was sprawled out across the Clock Tower, "First thing's first, cheers to our first win! Excellent game if I do say so myself."

The rest of them cheered along with me, the grins filling all of their faces.

"Ravenclaw was good," I admitted with a shrug, "But we were better and that's all I could ever ask."

"Dad was singing our praises," CJ chimed in with a shrug. "Especially yours, James. He was impressed."

I stared at him in slight disbelief before I narrowed my eyes at him. " _You've waited a whole day to tell me this, Colton January Wood_?"

CJ shrugged. "Does it matter?"

"Of course it matters, Colton June Wood!" I groaned. "Now he can go back and tell his recruiting buddies how awesome I—er, we were and he can make sure that the recruiters are given a heads-up before they show up at the finals to evaluate me—er, us."

"You're a prat, Jay," Alice spoke with a shake of the head.

"Oy, I'm doing this for you, too!"

She suppressed the urge to laugh. "No one believes that," she teased.

Okay, so I was mostly doing it for me. But if I had to share the spotlight, I'd consider sharing it with her.

But only her. Any more than two people would be crowded.

"Obviously this win makes me very happy," I changed the subject, "But I still think we have room for improvement so with that said, I have yesterday's recording."

The cheers turned into groans.

"You're going to make us replay a match we just played _yesterday_?" Jax groaned.

"If you hadn't missed Callum Finch twice yesterday, this may have played out differently," I scoffed.

"I didn't miss him, he dodged them. It's what chasers are supposed to do."

"Apparently not beaters," Alice smirked, nodding towards Fred's recently broken arm.

Fred scowled at her. "He took me by surprise! And those bloody twins are hella strong. That arm on Lysander was killer."

"It was Lorcan who hit you, mate," Hugo pointed out.

" _Who cares, they both have killer arms."_

"You're still supposed to dodge them," Alice smirked.

"Oh? How about you dodge this?" he retorted with a smirk, reaching over to pull her into a headlock.

She yelped, clawing at him as the rest of us watched on in slight amusement. Only CJ looked mildly concerned but he was new to our teasing antics so that was expected.

With a laugh, Fred finally let her go and predictably, he got a smack to the arm by a frazzled Alice whose hair had come loose from her ponytail. "You bloody prat," she groaned.

That only made Fred laugh harder.

"Well, now that we've got that out of the way, how about we pop in the recording?" I suggested with a grin.

More groans followed but I ignored them as I pulled the recording chip out of my back pocket and stuck it into the magical listening device.

Rose's voice filled the air and I scowled on instinct.

"- _For those who have never been to a match before, you are in for a real treat. For those who have, you are still for a real treat. Before I introduce our two teams, let me just make a quick public service announcement: all you boys out there, stay the hell away from Harley!"_

Dammit. I totally forget about that public service announcement but based off the various snorts, laughs, and snickers, my teammates hadn't.

I shouldn't have been at all surprised that Sadie said something.

"Guess you didn't take Weasley's warning to heart, now did you."

I shot her a glare. "Nothing bloody happened, Bishop."

"Not a single person in this school believes you."

"I believe him, Bishop," Fred chimed in irritably. "I think we all know that had our lovely Captain shagged your roommate, he'd be bragging to the entire school about it."

True.

"Yet Duncan hasn't made claims of the untruth behind the rumors. Curious, don't you think?"

I paused the recording while it was in the middle of introducing the Ravenclaw team. "There's a perfectly reasonable explanation for that, Bishop," I scoffed.

"Oh, yeah, and what is that?"

"I'm still working on that part."

As a round of snickers fell from my other teammates, Alice chimed in. "Why would she deny it when she's hoping the rumor will get back to Jett and make him jealous?"

I grinned sheepishly. "Like I said, perfectly reasonable explanation," I agreed with a vigorous nod.

More laughs while Sadie rolled her eyes. "Why the hell am I discussing your sex drive, or lack thereof, anyway?" she muttered to herself. "Can we just get back to the tapes?"

More than happy to oblige, I pressed the play button.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Sadie and Fred were in the middle of arguing whether his injury could have been avoided when Jax stood up off the ground and said he was late meeting Rose for patrols and seeing as she was already in a pissed off mood due to a certain cousin of hers, he'd hate to be the one to anger her further.

I flipped him off right before he walked out.

The rest of us ventured back to the Tower together (well, all of us except for Sadie who beelined it the moment she could as if spending any additional time with us was some sort of crime) and settled into respective areas of the common room. Alice immediately pulled out her Potions essay while Fred and I continued to talk strategy.

"Where the Ravenclaws are watchful and meticulous, the Hufflepuffs are quick and cunning," Fred mused. "I mean, they were known last year for flashing their competition and let me tell you, that's one way to distract a keeper."

"Good thing our keeper this year is female," Alice spoke, her head still buried in her essay.

I laughed. "Do you remember when Louis broke his hand on one of the hoops last year after he let a goal slip past him when staring after Cider?"

"Understandable," Fred smirked. "That girl's tits are huge."

"And I'm officially disgusted by this conversation."

One guess as to who said that.

I leaned over to ruffle Alice's hair, who ducked before I could do any serious damage. "Oy, what's with the two of you mussing up my hair today?"

"Maybe it's our way of telling you that you should wear your hair down more often," Fred teased. "Not that we don't love the ponytail look but you have been sporting it for ten years now."

"Better than when she used to wear her hair in pigtails all the time," I added with a grin.

She pulled her head out of her schoolwork to glare at the both of us. "Can we not discuss my lack of interest in my everyday hairstyle? Sorry that I'm not those blonde bimbos you typically go for who spend hours in front of the bathroom mirror with a vat of sleekeazy and a curling spell just to sit in class for the next eight hours."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, you've got it all wrong," I spoke with a swift shake of the head. "Sometimes we go for the brunette bimbos, too."

I jumped off the couch with a sheepish grin before she could hurl her quill at my eyes.

That didn't stop her from glaring at me though.

All while Fred laughed his ass off.

Alice returned to her essay, occasionally chiming in to my conversation with Fred regarding possible strategies to try out against Hufflepuff (Alice also reminded us twice that the match wasn't until January but she went ignored). A half hour later the portrait opened and Jax and Rose wandered in. They appeared to say their good-byes, though I noticed both of them glance over my way, before Rose headed upstairs and Jax made his way over to us.

"How were patrols?" Alice questioned as Jax dropped on to the couch beside Fred.

"Fine. Nothing out of the ordinary unless you count the list that Rose started of 100 ways to kill James Potter and get away with it."

I scoffed. "What, you two are talking now? I thought she was very much not speaking to you."

"Apparently hating you trumps hating me," he spoke with a sheepish grin.

I rolled my eyes. "Glad you can reap some benefits from my feud with my cousin."

"Not much of a feud, mate," Fred spoke with a shrug, "Considering you haven't bothered speaking a word to Rose since her outburst this morning."

I shot him a glare. "Why would I want to do a thing like talk to someone who thinks they're better off without me?" I scowled. "If it's not having to deal with me she wants, I'm happy to oblige."

I saw the three of them exchange concerned glances and I rolled my eyes. They weren't very subtle.

"If it helps, I told her you didn't sleep with Harley," Jax murmured.

"She already knows that," I pointed out with a shrug. "But apparently snogging someone is a crime now."

He shrugged, too. "Well, evidently Harley isn't speaking to her at the moment."

I blinked in surprise. "Why?"

"Don't know, I didn't get the details."

"Then what bloody good are you?" I groaned. "This is why we let you hang out with us. So you can give us the dirt on my cousin's private matters. You have an in with her."

"Just because I'm a sixth year, doesn't mean I have an _in_ with her."

"You're also a prefect."

"That also doesn't mean I have an in with her!"

"That absolutely means you have an in with her."

"I assure you, I have no in. We go to class, we do patrols, and that's about the extent of it. _No in_."

"It's more of an in than the rest of us have."

"Can we please stop saying 'in' now?" Alice sighed. "And for the record, Jax, we don't just hang out with you because we're looking for gossip on the Weasleys."

"Speak for yourself," I muttered.

She rolled her eyes. "If you're going to be a prat, how about you do it with the person who deserves it?" Alice scoffed at me.

That shut me up.

But only for a second.

"Where is Bishop anyway?" I contemplated.

She shot me a look. "Not who I was referring to."

All I did was shrug.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Fred and I eventually retreated to our bedroom, shortly after Alice ventured back to her own room.

"Don't let her get to you."

I glanced over my shoulder as I ascended the stairwell. "I'm not."

"Then how do you know who I'm referring to?"

I scowled. "Rose has always had a knack for speaking her mind and I've always let her obnoxious comments roll off my back so why should it bother me now?"

He didn't respond immediately as we made it to our landing. I went to open the door but Fred stopped me. "Because you and I both know this was more than just 'speaking her mind.'"

I met the concern in his gaze and just shrugged. "I feel like all I've talked about today is Harley and Rose and I'm sick of it. So kindly pick a new subject."

Fred hesitated. "Did you see the way Jett was glaring at you downstairs? Something tells me the latest piece of gossip has finally fallen on his ears."

I rolled my eyes. "I said a new subject. Not an extension of the same subject."

"You can't tell me you didn't find it slightly amusing."

"I didn't find it amusing at all. I found it sad. That guy had the hottest bird in school and he let her go very publicly over a stupid argument. I always assumed Brooks Pruitt or Parker Jessup was the biggest moron in school, but we definitely have a new winner."

Fred chuckled as he slid past me and shoved open our door, the two of us pouring into the bedroom. Dash was on his bed with _Quidditch Weekly_ and Parker was at his desk scribbling an essay.

Taking a seat at the edge of his bed, Fred asked, "You think they'll get back together?"

I shot him a look, reaching into Franny's cage and pulling her out. "Who cares?"

Fred shrugged as Dash spoke up. "You talking about Harley and Jett?"

I nodded as I fell back against my bed with a stifled yawn. Franny nestled up beside me.

"If the kid is smart in any way, he'll be begging for her to take him back in no time," Dash said.

"As James already pointed out, Jett broke up with the hottest girl in school. There's a chance he lacks all signs of intelligence," Fred smirked.

Dash merely shrugged and went back to dissecting Quidditch stats. I peeled off my sweatshirt and tossed it to the floor before crashing my head against my pillow, reaching over to pet Franny.

"Heard Rose finally told you what everyone thinks of you."

I shot a glare towards Parker who was wearing a stupid smirk on his face. "Oh, and I'm supposed to care about what you think?"

"You wouldn't have walked out of the Great Hall after her little speech if you didn't care."

My fists clenched at my side. "Here's a thought, Jessup. How about you stay the hell out of my business since you don't know shit about it?"

"The whole school knows about it," he laughed, spinning around on his chair to face me. "How your younger cousin annihilated you in front of everybody. It was about time someone kicked you off your pedestal."

"Oh, my pedestal is still very much intact, Jessup," I sneered. "Yours, however, is nonexistent because last I checked, no one gave a damn about you. Explains why you literally have no friends."

That seemed to strike a nerve but the flash of anger in his eyes quickly faded into feigned indifference. "Better than friends who only feel obligated towards you just because they've known you since birth."

"Oy, that sounds like an insult towards me," Fred finally spoke up, glaring at our roommate.

"No, it's only an insult if you're offended by it," I drawled, "And nothing that comes out of Jessup's mouth is worth feeling anything over because he's a stuck-up, uptight, unpopular prick who everyone happily forgets about because he doesn't even remotely deserve a moment of thought in our brains."

Parker was pissed now. "Well, with a miniscule brain like yours it's not like you have much room for anything in there, do you?"

I was off my bed in a flash but so was Fred, grabbing my shirt and holding me back from throttling our prick of a roommate. "Don't, James," Fred warned. "You've punched enough people this semester as it is. Another one and you're looking at the removal of that Captain badge of yours."

The smirk on Parker's face was enough to make me want to toss that badge out the window in exchange for his bloodied face, but Fred was too strong for me to break through, so I grabbed the Map from my bedside table, stuck it in my back pocket, and stormed out of the room.

I heard Parker cackling behind me, but Fred shut him up with a quick, "What are you laughing at? If I hadn't stopped him, you'd be unconscious in the hospital wing right now with an unrecognizable face. Though, that'd be better than the one you currently have."

That was the last I heard as the door slammed behind me.

I headed back down the stairwell and rushed into the common room, seething. Sunday was supposed to be the day of rest and I hadn't had a moment of peace all day. With students coming up to me asking about Harley and others talking about Rose's lovely outburst and with Parker's generally obnoxious self, I was beginning to wonder if there was anyone in the world who thought being a seventeen-year-old kid was enjoyable.

Wandering out of the portrait hole, I pulled the Map out and muttered, "I solemnly swear I'm up to no good."

Noticing that the hallways appeared empty, I began wandering aimlessly through them in no particular direction. I could have snuck into Alice's room, but she would have wanted to know what was wrong and I really didn't want to discuss any of it. I didn't even want to think about it. So instead, I wandered the hallways for the next hour and used that time to consider new chaser tactics we could use in our match against Hufflepuff.

"James?"

I nearly screamed as I jumped and whirled around. Guess it had been a while since I checked the Map. I let out a small sigh of relief when I realized it was just Kenley Brown.

"What are you doing out?" I asked her.

She smirked, making her way towards me. "Same could be asked to you."

I shrugged, stuffing the Map in my back pocket to hide it from her. "What can I say, I'm a rebel at heart."

She rolled her eyes. "Well, you don't have a girl hanging on your arm so I can't imagine you're out for a late-night tryst."

"Who says we haven't already separated?"

"Your non-disheveled clothes say that."

I glanced down at my white t-shirt and jeans. "I'm wearing a T-shirt and jeans. How disheveled could they get?"

She chuckled and shrugged. "You would have already told me who you were with if you had been with a girl," she pointed out, which was annoyingly true. I wasn't exactly one for modesty. "My guess is you're just trying to avoid everyone and everything after the day I can only assume you've had."

I glared at the brunette. "Oh, look, I'm walking away now."

I turned on my heel and swiftly headed down the hallway, rather annoyed when I heard her footsteps behind me. "Or I could offer you just the distraction you're looking for."

I stopped at the end of the hallway, slowly turning around to look at her. "Have you ever mistaken me for someone who likes your company, Brown?"

She smirked, folding her arms across her body. "Who said you had to like my company?"

It was a fair point actually.

"Not interested," I drawled, rounding the corner and disappearing.

She only laughed. "One day, you will be. Come find me then."

"I wouldn't hold your breath if I were you!"

She didn't follow me and for that, I was grateful. I was also grateful that I spent the rest of the evening not thinking about Harley or Rose but instead laughing at the very idea of fooling around with the seventh-year ditz.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"Kenley Brown propositioned me last night," I spoke as Fred and I made our way towards the Great Hall for breakfast.

He tripped over his feet. "You serious?" he said when he caught ahold of himself.

I nodded. "I spent a great deal of the night laughing about that."

Fred looked at me, amused. "What did you tell her?"

I shot him a look. "What do you think I told her?"

He shrugged. "I mean, as annoying as she is, it's not like she's terrible-looking. I wouldn't judge you for spending a few minutes with her in a closet somewhere."

I stopped short and turned towards my cousin. "Have you gone mad? I'd have to be on my deathbed before I even considered fooling around with that hag. Hell, screw the deathbed. I'd have to be actually dead to consider that."

Fred laughed. "So I guess you said no then?"

"Correction, I said _hell no_."

He chuckled. "Hey, we all know you like to avoid your feelings by screwing some no-name. Kenley could have been that no-name."

"Except she has a name. And a horrible personality to go with it."

He cocked his head to the side. "But you don't argue the whole screwing-some-girl-to-avoid-your-feelings conjecture?"

"Ooh, 'conjecture.' Who taught you such a big word, Freddo?"

"You're avoiding the question."

I could only shrug. "It's not like you don't tend to do the same."

He seemed a bit perturbed by that but didn't have time to come up with a response as we rounded the corner and ran straight into Hattie at the top of the entrance hall stairwell. She greeted us with a nod and said, "Where are you two off to?"

"Well, it's eight o'clock in the morning," I spoke, "So clearly I'm about to go star-gazing."

She rolled her eyes at my rather lame attempt at a joke. (It was eight in the morning. Give me a break.) "Oh, so you're not about to go shag the morning away with your newest fangirl," she teased.

I blinked. "Who? Kenley?"

Hattie's eyebrows popped up into her forehead while Fred snorted beside me. "Kenley? Kenley _Brown_? I thought you hated her," Hattie said, confused.

"I do, which is why I'd never fool around with that prig."

"I think Hattie was talking about Harley, mate," Fred smirked, elbowing me in the side.

Oh.

Right.

Duh.

I wondered for a second if Hattie was annoyed by the rumors regarding me and Harley but quickly shook that thought away when I remembered that Hattie and I were both aware that we were each free to do what, or who, we wanted. "Nah, not fooling around with her either. We apparently save our snog sessions for drunk after-parties."

"During parties, more like it," Fred pointed out.

I shot him a look.

He smirked.

I scowled.

He still smirked.

Prat.

I glanced back at Hattie. "Please don't tell me you actually believe those ungodly rumors going around."

Her eyebrow shot up slowly. "And what about that is supposed to be hard to believe? James Potter shagging a girl who…" she trailed off before shaking her head. "No, let's just leave it at that. James Potter shagging a girl sounds exactly like something you'd be doing."

As Fred laughed, I merely sighed. "Yes, fine, that does sound like something I'd do. Only it didn't happen this time."

"That almost sounded believable."

Fred smirked and I jammed my elbow into his side. "It should be believable. _I didn't shag her_ ," I groaned for what felt like the hundredth time in the course of a single day.

She looked mildly impressed. "Seriously?"

"Yeah."

She tilted her head to the side curiously. "You had the opportunity to shag the hottest girl in school and you turned it down?"

"No, I've had the opportunity to shag the hottest girl in school for the past year and a half now and I'm been doing it," I argued. Hesitating, I added, "I'm talking about you if that wasn't clear."

Fred pretended to gag beside me while a slight blush tinted Hattie's cheeks. "Well, damn," she said with a small shrug. "Color me surprised."

"That's all you're going to comment on? Not that incredible compliment I just paid you?"

She smirked. "Oh, is it gratitude you're looking for?"

I smirked right back. "Something like that," I said with an incredibly suggestive wink.

She stole a brief peek towards Fred before glancing back at me, an impish glint in her eye. "How partial are you to star-gazing right now?"

I grinned. "I really hate Astronomy."

She chuckled as I glanced towards Fred who simply shrugged, said, "You two have fun," and disappeared down the stairwell.

I turned around and headed down the hallway towards a nearby storage closet and Hattie quickly followed. "Why didn't you?"

"Why didn't I what?"

"Shag Harley."

I shrugged. "Didn't feel right."

I could feel Hattie's surprised gaze on me, so I rolled my eyes and said, "Yes, I know, who knew I had an actual heart."

"I knew," Hattie said almost immediately. "You don't always like to show it, but I knew it was there."

We were moving into an uncomfortable territory so I just shrugged it off. "What did you think of the match on Saturday?"

She looked like she didn't completely approve of the subject change but went along with it anyway. "Is this the part where I'm supposed to ooh and aah over how fabulous you played?"

"Yes."

She laughed, nudging me with her hip. "You know full well that you played an incredible game. You don't need me fawning over you to tell you that."

"Nah, but a little fawning from the ladies never hurt anybody," I smirked.

She rolled her eyes before responding, raising her pitch a bit and fluttering her eyes mockingly. "Oh, James, you're a super awesome chaser and might I add that your arse looked fine in that uniform."

I couldn't help but laugh at her impersonation of pretty much every flighty girl in school. "My arse looks even more fine without clothes on," I smirked as I opened the storage closet door and gestured her in.

She grinned coyly. "My arse looks better."

So fucking true.

Smirking, I grabbed her hips and pulled her towards me. "Oh really?" I teased, my lips inches from hers, "Why don't you show me?"

What was hotter than Hattie Wilkes' arse in her school robes? Hattie Wilkes's arse not in her school robes.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Tuesday night was one of those rare occurrences where I found myself doing actual schoolwork as I sat alone in the common room. I was scribbling nonsense on parchment about Venomous Tentacula, not bothering to consult my notes as I listed the attributes of the plant from memory. I'm not even sure why I continued with Herbology since botany was not something I was remotely interested in. I had a feeling Alice was to blame. She obviously felt compelled to continue with the class and probably roped both myself and Fred into joining her.

I was trying to remember the shape of the plant's mouth when I felt the couch dip down beside me. Barely glancing to my left, I was surprised and somewhat annoyed to see that it was Rose.

I returned my gaze back on to my essay without a word.

"Are you actually doing schoolwork?" she first spoke.

My jaw clenched. I debated just outright ignoring her or coming back with a sharp retort. Naturally, I went with the latter. "Well, whatdya know, I suppose schoolwork _is_ sometimes worth my precious time."

She winced as I threw her own words back at her. "You're not going to make this easy, are you?" she muttered.

No, I wasn't going to do this at all. "Leave me alone, Rose," I sighed, "I'm trying to get some work done and we both know how rare that is."

She didn't walk away which annoyed me. But she also didn't say anything so I was content on ignoring her as I continued with my essay.

"Harley isn't speaking to me."

I shot her a look. "Gee, can't imagine why. You're always so pleasant to be around."

She pursed her lips, clearly trying to determine what to say next. I didn't bother waiting as I glanced back down at my essay and finished the sentence I was working on. "She seems to think I was unfair to you," she murmured.

I shrugged. "You were unfair to me."

Rose fell silent again. Twice in two minutes. That had to be a record for her.

"You could get any girl you wanted in this school," Rose spoke softly. "Why did it have to be Harley?"

My brow furrowed, curious as to why I was convinced I felt an unexpected jealousy in her words. "I didn't _get_ Harley," I sighed. "For one, she came on to me. And two, I stopped it before it could go anywhere. I know you like to think I'm this selfish prick who only ever thinks about himself, but in that moment I was thinking about her and how I knew she'd regret it in the morning."

Rose frowned. "If it was any other girl, you wouldn't have cared about what she'd feel in the morning," she pointed out. "So why did you care about Harley's feelings?"

Those words frustrated me because I had to assume Rose already knew the answer. With a scoff, I said, "What, is it so hard to believe that because I care about my cousin, I care about her friends, too?"

The flicker of shock in Rose's green eyes told me that maybe I was wrong to think she had known that answer. "I'm assuming you're talking about me," she spoke softly.

I rolled my eyes. "I thought you were supposed to be smart."

She seemed to not take offense to my comment. "I'm not used to people caring about me," she admitted.

I lifted my head from my notes long enough to glance her way. "Gee, can't imagine why," I drawled.

She frowned.

I rolled my eyes at her. "You're my cousin, Rose," I muttered. "Of course I care."

Her eyes met mine, the clear hesitance staring back at me. "You make it seem like you don't give a shit about anything that doesn't concern you, Fred, or Alice."

I sighed. And she thought I was the one who wasn't going to make this easy? "I come off that way, don't I."

Her brow furrowed at my cryptic words. "So you don't hate all of us?"

This was moving into an extremely uncomfortable area for me. "Not you, no."

She considered that before adding, "But you do hate your brother."

Not only was I uncomfortable, I was getting slowly annoyed. "No," I spoke with a terse shrug. It was the truth. I didn't hate him. I just resented him. But she didn't have to know that.

Her eyes narrowed. "Your father?"

I hesitated, probably a little too long. "No," I muttered, though the truth was, sometimes I wondered if I did.

She titled her head to the side, a coy smile on her lips. "Scorpius Malfoy?"

"Oh, yeah, him I hate."

She grinned. "Good."

"Says the girl who danced with him on Halloween."

She rolled her eyes at me. "That was a month ago. You really need to get over it."

 _"You danced with Scorpius Malfoy_."

"Yeah, if I recall, I was there."

"Are you sure? I'd be more inclined to believe it was polyjuice potion or Teddy morphed into the shape of you."

"Why would Teddy be at Hogwarts?"

"Why would you be dancing with Scorpius Malfoy?"

A hint of a smile crept on to her lips as she leaned her head back against the couch pillow with a sigh. She said nothing at first and since I had nothing more to say, I glanced back down at my Herbology essay, though I had long lost my train of thought.

"I don't think you realize how being around you can sometimes make people feel incredibly mediocre."

I froze in surprise, slowly turning my head to look at Rose who was staring at me with a hesitant expression. " _What_?"

She shrugged casually. "You have everything going for you and you don't even realize it," she murmured. "You are by far the most popular guy in the school, James, and the sad part is you never even tried to be. And it's not just because of your name, though I'd be lying if I said that didn't help launch you into the spotlight a bit. But the truth is, you have this ease about you that just draws people in. You're adventurous and spontaneous, you unfortunately have quite a bit of charm, you're good-looking according to the girls around this school although don't ask me to comment on that, you're a Quidditch legend who is beyond incredible to watch on the pitch, you have natural charisma, you're witty and sharp and you know how to make people laugh, you can ace your classes without even trying, you are s mart even though you pretend not to be, you command the attention of any room you walk into because you have this effortless swagger about you that turns heads whether you want them to or not, you protect the people you care about so fiercely it makes people respect you, and you're incredibly loyal to your friends. It's all rather intimidating and I guess it's why I got so frustrated with you."

All I could do was stare back at her. Two days earlier she was telling me I was the scum of the Earth who could disappear without anyone caring and now she was essentially telling me she was envious of the life I led.

Were all girls this confusing?

I opened my mouth to respond but found that the words wouldn't come. So I closed my mouth and continued staring at her as if suddenly everything would just make sense.

It didn't.

"I'm…I'm still not sure why any of that would make you frustrated with me," I spoke hesitantly.

She glanced away from me, becoming suddenly interested at chipping away the purple nail polish on her fingernails. "You already have everything," she muttered. "I didn't want you taking my best friend, too."

The comprehension suddenly trickled in as I realized that it _had_ been jealousy I heard earlier in Rose's tone. It struck me then that I had never understood how my life or actions could affect others around me. I had always resented Albus for the way he seemed to outdo me in everything but here Rose was telling me that I always managed to outdo them. It was a different kind of overshadowing. Albus, even Rose, were the smart, studious members of the family who made our parents proud and who made the rest of us feel like we weren't good enough. Me, I was the popular kid who made others feel as if they'd never be able to live up to my reputation. It was the difference between adults and peers but both mattered to young teenagers who were just trying to figure out who they were and who they could be.

"I wasn't trying to take Harley away from you" was all I said to Rose because how could I tell her that I completely understood where she was coming from when I had no interest in showcasing my insecurities to her.

She nodded. "I know."

"And I don't have everything."

She snorted. "Oh really? What don't you have?"

I hesitated before shrugging. "The memory of shagging Harley Duncan for one."

She groaned and smacked me with a pillow. " _You are such a prick_."

I stole the pillow away from her with a laugh, though it quickly faded off my tongue. "Y'know, Rose, I never asked to be in the spotlight," I murmured.

Rose looked at me. "None of us did."

Another thing to blame our parents for.

I just shrugged. "Go make up with your friend, alright?"

Rose nodded, slowly picking herself up off the couch. Hesitating, she glanced back down at me and said, "I'm sorry, James."

I was hardly expecting an apology from her, as Rose Weasley was not one to apologize for anything, so it took me a second to realize that that was what she was giving me. "You're…sorry?"

She shrugged. "I shouldn't have jumped down your throat the way I did. I didn't even mean any of it."

I looked at her, a hesitant frown tugging at the end of my lips. "Yeah, you did," I muttered.

She shifted her weight uncomfortably, staring down at the carpet with a regretful sigh. "I still shouldn't have said it."

I shrugged. "It's fine," I said, even though it wasn't.

"No," she sighed. "It's not. Which is why I'm sorry."

My head tilted to the side. "Who taught you those two words, Rose? I'm not sure I've ever heard them come out of your mouth."

She let out a quiet laugh. "Right, because _you're_ one to offer up apologies to others?"

Hm, good point.

"Okay, seriously, you can go now," I scoffed.

She chuckled and skipped off towards her stairwell.

I never thought Rose and I would ever really see eye-to-eye. Just goes to show that we all can be wrong at times.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"Well, I don't think people will be talking about you and Harley much anymore," Alice spoke as she met up with me and Fred in Herbology the next morning.

My eyebrow popped upward. "Ooh, please tell you've been hexing everyone that had been bringing it up."

She rolled her eyes. "Does that sound like me?"

"No. We really need to work on that."

Fred laughed and Alice rolled her eyes again. "Guess who just announced to all of the Great Hall at breakfast that they're back together?"

"Celestina Warbeck and Pratley Rhubeck?" I suggested almost immediately.

Alice blinked. "Isn't Pratley Rhubeck dead?"

"I don't know. I don't keep up with the gossip tabloids."

"And yet you somehow knew the name of Celestina Warbeck's fourth husband," Fred smirked.

"Says the guy who knows Pratley Rhubeck was her fourth husband," I fired back.

"Can you two stop being obnoxious berks for just one minute so I can tell you what happened at breakfast?" Alice sighed.

"Ooh, not sure I can hold off on being an obnoxious berk for one whole minute," I mused. "I might be able to give you thirty seconds though."

She glared at me.

Fred laughed.

I grinned. "I mean, go on."

Alice sighed but obliged. "Jett pulled Harley on to the Gryffindor bench and snogged her in front of everyone. I think it's safe to say those two are back together."

Fred let out a loud groan. "Aw, come on, the Harley window can't possibly be closed already. It's only been four days! _Share the wealth, Jett Thomas_!"

Alice shot him a scathing look while I attempted not to laugh. "You had no shot anyway," she scoffed.

"Oy, we don't know that!" he contested. "If she went for James, she could have easily gone for me, too. I just needed more time to woo her."

"And more time for Rose to consider how to murder you and get away with it," I added.

I hadn't told Fred or Alice about my conversation with Rose. I informed them that things were fine between us but when they pressed on, I simply said that we were family and family forgave each other. Neither believed me as they were all too aware that I was a pro at holding grudges but they had ultimately dropped the subject when it was clear I wasn't going to give them any further information.

Fred shot me a look. "You're not allowed to chime in, Mr. I had the chance to shag the hottest girl in school and suddenly decided to have a conscience like the sensitive little wanker I am."

"I really hope that isn't a nickname that's going to catch on anytime soon," I spoke, making Fred scowl as he had clearly hoped I'd argue back with him.

"Of course it's not," Alice pointed out. "Everyone thinks that you _did_ sleep with Harley."

"I'm surprised Jett never tried kicking your arse," Fred contemplated. "You totally stole his woman."

"I did not steal his woman!" I groaned. "And I think the kid is smart enough to know that if he had tried coming after me, he would have wound up in the hospital wing with an extra limb or two. He was smart to stay away."

"That and Harley told him she hadn't slept with you so what reason would he have to fight with you?" Alice added.

"Uh, the fact that James _snogged_ her?" Fred smirked.

"Well, okay, there's that," Alice spoke hesitantly.

"And the fact that Harley _wanted_ to shag him?"

"Er…yes, that too."

"Also, she took off her top for him."

"And that."

Glaring at the both of them, I said, "New rule. You two are never allowed to attempt to make me feel better about awkward situations."

"New rule," Fred spoke. "No."

Alice stifled a laugh as I glared at him. "Okay, fine, I'm going to turn to you every time I'm in need of a pick-me-up then. There will be tears and self-doubt and 'why mes' and blame and blubbering and yes, you'll have to dance it out with me and-"

"I take it back!" Fred cut me off with a shake of the head. Glancing towards Alice, he said, "He's all yours, AliCat."

"Who said I wanted him?"

I pouted.

They laughed.

I felt very underappreciated.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

 **A/N:** Next up: another Hogsmeade visit and it does not go as planned.


	10. Give Me A Sign

**A/N:** And once again I must thank all my fateful reviewers for not only spending the time reading my story but for spending a few times reviewing it. Someone begged me yesterday to update so I figured, why not?

* * *

 **A WAY WITH WORDS**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 10: Give Me A Sign

" _I can feel you falling away  
No longer the lost  
No longer the same  
And I can see you starting to break  
I'll keep you alive  
If you show me the way  
Forever, and ever  
The scars will remain."  
_-Breaking Benjamin

* * *

The next few weeks went by slowly, though the weather changed quickly in comparison. Students were no longer found lurking around the grounds, the air too brisk to spend any down time in the outdoors. The trees lost their leaves and the sky turned bleak. November moved into December and with it came an unexpected snowfall. The grounds became blanketed with white and all outdoor classes were canceled, so instead of hitting up Herbology one Monday afternoon, we all decided to get in touch with our inner child and went outside to play in the snow instead. It seemed as if everyone who had a free period was out there, building snow forts and making snowmen and throwing snowballs.

My entire team was out there (except for Sadie; big surprise), though I only realized about halfway through the afternoon that the Gryffindor fourth years were supposed to be in Transfiguration.

"Oy, Colton Jedi Wood!" I called out, ducking as Jax attempted to smack me with a snowball.

CJ turned away from Lily, Hugo, and Rayne from where they stood trying to make a snow family and looked up at me. "I'm assuming you're talking to me," he spoke.

"Aren't you four supposed to be in class?"

I could hear Lily's snort from five feet away. "Since when did you care about our class attendance?"

"Just asking a simple question," I spoke with the roll of my eyes. "Something tells me the professors will find a way to blame me for this."

"The professors blame you for everything," Hugo chimed in, sticking his scarf around what I could only presume to be a snowman. Maybe snowwoman. Snowblob? It was hard to tell.

"Oy, who was talking to you, Hue!" I pouted.

"And of course you're to blame for this," Lily called out. "You yelled out to the entire Gryffindor common room 'SNOWBALL FIGHT, GET YOUR ARSES OUTSIDE NOW.' Who else are we supposed to blame?"

"Uh, Mother Nature for giving us this snowfall," I huffed right before I got slammed in the face by a snowball.

Glancing around, I expected Jax or maybe Alice. Imagine my surprise when I saw that it was Jett Thomas. I wiped the excess snow from my cheeks and said, "Why hello there, Thomas."

He smirked. "That was for shagging my girlfriend."

" _I didn't shag your girlfriend_."

He simply laughed and skipped off to where Harley and Rose were currently doubled over in laughter. "TELL HIM I DIDN'T SHAG YOU, HARLEY!" I called out to the two of them.

Harley merely shrugged and called back, "Why would I do that when I can watch him pelt you with snowballs instead?"

I groaned, glancing around as I heard familiar peals of laughter. I scowled at Alice and Fred who were both covered in snow, clearly just finishing up with a snowball war. "You guys look like a snowman threw up on you."

"You look like you just got pummeled by a snowball from a jilted lover," Fred smirked.

I made a face. "That makes it sound like Thomas was my jilted lover and ew, now I'm thoroughly disgusted."

"Now, now, don't count him out quite yet. You don't know what his sexual skill is. He could be great in the sack," Alice teased.

I glared at her. "Soon, it's not just going to be a snowman that's thrown up all over you."

"To comment on her point," a new voice chimed in and we all turned as Harley wandered up with a smirk, "He _is_ great in the sack."

Fred made a face, Alice laughed, and I rolled my eyes. "You could have had better, Harley," I said with a wink.

"And now I'm the one that'll be puking," Alice murmured.

"I could have," Harley said, ignoring Alice, "Except someone stopped it like the compassionate, respectful human being he is."

"You take that back!"

She giggled. "Don't worry, the truth about your supposed bad boy reputation is safe with me. No one believes we didn't shag anyway."

"Never has more time been spent talking about my sex life than now, which is incredibly ironic considering _no sex was involved_ ," I muttered.

Harley chuckled. "On that note, who's up for some hot chocolate?"

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Alice was trying to finish up her Transfiguration essay but I kept interrupting her with questions on Quidditch tactics. "What about the J-man Jive? The Potter Pyramid Plan? The Gryffindor Gambit?"

As expected, Alice ignored me.

"Oy," I said, poking her in the ribs. "You're supposed to be helping me."

"You're trying to come up with a name for a chaser play you haven't completely developed yet," she said, her quill continuing to scribble across her own parchment. "Did you ever think you might go a little overboard on the Quidditch?"

I let out a fake gasp. "You take that back!"

She giggled and snuck a peek in my direction. "You know you have this Transfiguration essay due in two days as well, right?"

"That's what tomorrow night is for," I dismissed. "I'm leaning towards the Potter pyramid plan."

"That's certainly better than the J-man Jive," she muttered, glancing back down at her notes.

"You dare insult my naming abilities?" I huffed.

"Yesterday, you wanted to name one of your plays the Sprinkle Scheme because you were obsessed with the chocolate sprinkles on your cupcake."

"You say that like the Sprinkle Scheme is a bad name," I pouted.

She couldn't help but laugh and in a shocking turn of events, she put down her quill and twisted herself on the couch so she was facing me. "You need to focus more on working out the details of this pyramid play and less on naming it," she reminded me.

Yes, but coming up with the name was a lot easier.

Well, it was supposed to be anyway.

I said as much to her and as expected, she rolled her eyes. "I think you need to incorporate the beaters into it, give yourself some defensive cushion."

I considered this and as I did, my eyes slowly slit up. "That's…brilliant," I spoke.

"He says with such surprise," she snorted.

I grinned sheepishly. "I think we should look at this play completely from a defensive angle," I said with an eager nod. "Use the beaters to fend off the other team, leaving the chasers completely open to score."

"Now you're talking."

I started to scribble furiously on my parchment, crossing off a few diagrams and reworking them until an idea started to form. "It's not a pyramid," I said, shaking my head at the realization. "It's a straight line."

She glanced down at my doodle, her eyebrows crinkling as she tried to read my rather illegible writing before nodding. "It'll only work in the right situation."

"Yeah, but it could work, right?" I questioned.

She continued studying my drawing before offering me a curt nod. "Yeah," she said, sharing a smile with me, "It could."

I beamed as I began working out the details. I was only a few minutes in when I felt a presence behind me. Glancing up, I watched as Fred dropped on to the couch with a stifled yawn. "Where have you been?" I asked him. "You were supposed to meet us at dinner and completely bailed."

"I was busy," he murmured.

I met Alice's gaze before we both turned back to my cousin and said in unison, "With a girl?"

He scowled. "Did I say that?"

Alice and I shared another look before shrugging and once again saying at the same time, "With a girl."

This time it wasn't a question. And this time Fred smacked us both with the couch cushion.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"You heard it here first, folks," Alice greeted us at breakfast the next morning, "Hogsmeade visit this weekend."

I glanced up from my eggs curiously. "You had a prefect meeting last night."

She blinked. "I have no idea what that has to do with Hogsmeade."

"Well, you can't tell us that we're hearing it first," I argued with a shake of the head, "Because you probably told the prefects in order for them to announce it to their Houses."

She glanced over at Fred who was smirking into his pancakes before turning back towards me. "How is that relevant?"

"Because we are in fact _not_ hearing it first."

"And that matters because…" she trailed off with raised eyebrows.

"Doesn't really. I just want the record to show that you're a liar."

"I wasn't aware you wanted eggs in your hair this morning."

"Did I say liar? I meant uh…ball of fire."

She blinked. "That was the best you could do?"

"It's the first thing I thought of that rhymes with liar."

"I'm convinced it's all dust mites and cobwebs in that pretty little head of yours."

I considered her words before saying, "Well, as long as my head is pretty."

Fred was now laughing and that just made Alice giggle. "And who is your pretty little head planning on taking into Hogsmeade?" she questioned.

"You hopefully," I spoke, shooting her a pleading look. "Too many people thought I was dating Hattie the last time and I'm in no mood to go through that whole ordeal again."

"Oh, so you only want to go with me because you don't want to be gossiped about?"

"Pretty much, yeah."

She glared at me in which Fred finally chimed in. "Count me in, too," he said with a shrug. "I have to do legitimate Christmas shopping this weekend and can't do so with a date."

Bypassing the fact that for the first time in three years, Fred wouldn't be going with a girl, I said, "Oh, shit, Christmas shopping. Who'd you get for your Secret Santa anyway?"

He rolled his eyes. "There's a reason it's called _Secret_ Santa."

A few years back, a few of my uncles made the decision that it would be far easier (and far less expensive) drawing one name from the Peasley crew to shop for instead of trying to buy gifts for everyone. At the time, I had been against it seeing as I was a kid and liked the idea of getting multiple presents. But I quickly hopped on board when that meant I didn't have to shop for everyone else in my family.

"Fuck that. I'll tell you I got Lily," I spoke. "Now, c'mon, who'd you get?"

He chuckled. "Aunt Hermione," he said with a shrug.

"Dammit," I swore. "She's so bloody easy to please. You just tell her you donated money to some elfish warfare charity and she looks at you like puppies shine out of your arse."

"I don't want to know what's shining out of Fred's arse," Alice huffed. "Especially not when I'm eating."

"Alright then," Fred said with a shrug, "We'll talk about it later when you're not eating."

I stifled a laugh as Alice merely sighed. "Not exactly what I meant."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

It was Thursday when Alice changed our proposed Hogsmeade plans.

"Remember our plan to go into Hogsmeade together?" she said, settling on to the common room couch beside me.

"Wasn't really a plan. Just a suggestion," I pointed out.

"What's with you and being politically correct lately?" she groaned. "Fine, remember your _suggestion_ that we go into Hogsmeade together?"

"Yes," I said, flashing her a grin. "A mighty fine suggestion if you ask me."

"Well, you're going to have to go with Fred only."

My eyes narrowed. "Don't tell me you have another date."

She shrugged.

"I'll kill him."

She rolled her eyes. "You don't even know who it is."

"Doesn't matter. I'll still kill him."

"Who are we killing?" the familiar voice of Fred spoke up as he climbed over the back of the couch and dropped down beside me.

"Ace's date for Hogsmeade."

"Oh, perfect, I'm in."

She turned her head to glare at him before glaring back at me. "No one is killing anyone."

"You thinking choking spell or should we just grab a machete and hack him up into little pieces?" Fred contemplated.

" _Stop_."

"I don't exactly keep a machete on hand," I pointed out. "Nor do I know the choking spell. Please tell me you don't know it either."

"Nah, but I know a Slytherin or two who could probably help us out."

"Feel free to pass it on my way so I can _use it on you two_ ," Alice sighed.

"We could always pull a Pruitt and toss the prat down the stairs," Fred considered.

"You mean pull a Finch," I corrected. "Finch was the one who followed through on the act."

"Seriously, stop," Alice groaned.

"Yeah, but we both know the brains behind that was Pruitt."

"That would insinuate he has brains," I drawled. "I don't really want to be like either one of them. What about just a good ol' stunning spell? They're easy and effective."

"I hate you both," Alice muttered.

"We could aim the stunning spell when he's at the top of the stairs. A stunner with a topple down the stairs? Fool-proof."

"I like where your head is at, Freddo. Commence Operation Kill The Bastard Who Dares Asks Out Our Alice Without Our Permission."

"Let's do it!" Fred said eagerly. Pausing, he said, "Who are we going after anyway?"

I hesitated. "Oh, right, we're still missing that piece of information."

"And you two are never getting it," Alice spoke, lifting herself off the couch with the roll of her eyes as she strolled towards the exit.

"You know we'll find out sooner or later!" I called out.

Her response was to flip me off.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Bristol Dickerson unfortunately knew nothing of Alice's elusive date. Disappointing but we snogged for a good ten minutes so it wasn't a complete waste of time.

It was at lunch on Friday when the truth finally came out.

"Landon bloody Pritchett" were the first words out of Fred's mouth as he slipped into the bench opposite me.

My eyebrow quirked upward. "Why are we cursing out Landon Pritchett?"

"That's who Operation Kill The Prat Who Asked Out Alice needs to target."

"I feel like the name of the Operation was longer," I mused.

" _That's the part you focus on_?"

Oh, right.

"Hold up, Pritchett asked Ace out?" I scoffed. "Isn't he mates with Rudy? That's bloody cold."

"Don't see why," Jax chimed in from my right, "Sounds like it was a mutual decision between Rudy and AliCat to just leave things at the one date."

"Still, I have to think there's an angle here," I mused.

"Yeah, it can't possibly be that Landon is actually interested in AliCat," Jax drawled.

"Nah, it's gotta be something else."

"I was being sarcastic."

"And I wasn't."

Jax rolled his eyes. "Wish Rose hadn't decided to rip up her list of ways to kill you and get away with it. Could be useful right about now."

I blinked. "Wait, there was an actual list? It wasn't just in her head?"

"Er…"

"That's it, she's getting coal for Christmas," I huffed.

"You don't have her for Secret Santa," Fred pointed out.

Oh, right.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Fred and I got a detention and an earful from Alice when she found out that frogs kept jumping out of Landon Pritchett's ears.

It was worth it.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Fred and I spent a bored Friday evening graffitiing random portraits around the school, pulling Jax into our rebellious ways about halfway through our adventure. We stuck to the ones without faces in them as that limited the amount of scolding we received from the paintings.

"There must be a repelling charm on this one," Jax advised as the large portrait of the fruit bowl kept warding off the spray-paint spilling from the end of Fred's wand.

"Annoying," I huffed. "It's like it knows we were coming after it."

"I wasn't even going to draw a picture of a dick on this one like most of the others," Fred groaned.

Right, like you expected us to be mature about this?

"What were you going to do? Write in big, bold letters 'TICKLE THE PEAR IF YOU DARE?'" I smirked at him.

Fred glanced at me with eager eyes. "No, but I like the sound of that!"

I rolled my eyes as Jax laughed silently beside me. "We are not giving up the secret entrance to the kitchens to the entire student body, Fred."

"It wouldn't be the entire student body," he argued. "Only those who walk by, and who's really wandering the basement at seven o'clock on a Friday night?"

"Those looking to use the former pantry for a nice snog session?" I suggested, pointing down the hallway.

Fred blinked, glancing down the dark hallway. "There's an old pantry down there?"

I smirked. "Oh, yeah. Comes in real handy at times. Not a whole lot of people know about it."

He grinned. "Wicked."

Glancing at him, I made a face. "Great, now that I've told you about it, everyone's going to know about it sooner or later."

"Why would I tell people about a great hook-up spot instead of keeping it for myself?"

"I'm not implying you would tell everyone," I drawled. "I'm implying that you will drag every girl you come across into the old pantry and they will tell their friends who will tell their friends and fuck, now I'm going to have to find a new secret hook-up spot."

"You make me sound like some kind of man slut," he drawled. "A mutt, if you will."

I snorted. "You're hardly a man."

He shrugged. "Fine, a boy slut."

My eyebrow slowly seeped into my forehead, but it was Jax who spoke. "So that would make you a butt, then?"

Fred glanced over at the two of us before we all burst into laughter.

Apparently, the theme for the night was immaturity.

"C'mon," I said, clapping him on the shoulder, "Let's move on to the next portrait."

Fred grunted. "I will not be bested by a painting!"

I rolled my eyes. "Well, what are you going to do about it?"

He stared at the fruit bowl, his hands now firm on his hips. Eventually, he shrugged. "Well, there's really only one solution here."

I exchanged a look with Jax, whose brow was furrowed in skepticism. "No good can come from what you're about to say," said Jax.

Fred shrugged. "I have to blow up the painting."

Silence followed before Jax said, "Like I said, _no good_."

"I've got to do it."

Jax looked at me and then back at my cousin. "You're joking, right?"

"It's the only solution, mate," he repeated.

Jax shook his head in utter disbelief. "Have you gone completely mad?"

"Not that I'm aware of, no."

"Dinner is going on right above us," Jax groaned. "And you think that we won't get caught blowing up the entrance to the kitchens right underneath the Great Hall?"

Fred appeared to consider this for a moment before shrugging. "There's another easy solution to that."

"I'm questioning your definition of solution at the moment."

"We blow it up and then we run like hell."

Jax groaned. "Your plan to not get caught is to _run_?"

"To run fast," he corrected. "It's fool-proof."

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure you don't know what 'fool-proof' means."

"This is an unbelievably stupid and crazy idea, Fred," I spoke. "I'm in."

"James! You can't be serious!"

I opened my mouth but Jax quickly cut me off. "I swear if you're about to make a joke about how it's your middle name that's Sirius and not your first name, I will smash your head into the painting and then gladly blow it up."

I paused before saying, "So you agree we should blow up the painting?"

Jax threw his hands into the air and stormed off down the hallway. "I'm thinking that joining the Quidditch team years ago was a big mistake."

"You love us!" I called out after him.

He flipped me off.

Fred shook his head. "Well, that didn't seem very loving."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

When the three of us wandered back into the common room (having made the mutual decision not to blow up the painting as we feared the kitchens entrance would be replaced by something else and we'd have to spend time figuring out the secret to access the kitchens), Jax tore off and headed towards Rose and Harley. I couldn't remember if Jax and Rose were in one of their speaking-to-each-other phases or not but seeing as she didn't appear to want to hex him as he strolled up, I assumed they were fine for the time-being.

"What the hell are they doing, talking to AliCat?"

I glanced up at Fred's scowling remark, searching the room for my best mate. I found her on a couch by the fireplace flanked by Kenley and Lena. A groan escaped as I led the way over to them. "Evening, ladies," I spoke, crossing my arms over my body and offering the two spawns of Satan my best evil glare.

Kenley glanced up with a fake smile. "Hey, James," she greeted. "You sad to be losing your Hogsmeade partner tomorrow for a second time this year?"

Alice rolled her eyes, continuing to scribble whatever essay she was currently working on. She looked to be unperturbed by her two ex-roommates so I had to assume they weren't being as annoying as they usually were. "Oh, yeah," I said, "I'm really broken up about it. Cried myself to sleep last night and everything. But don't worry, I cuddled with Fred to make it all better. He's a good cuddler."

"Oy, why are you dragging me into this?" he groaned.

Kenley stood up from the couch with a roll of her eyes. "I'd believe you two were gay together if you weren't the biggest players in this school."

"We're cousins, so ew," I retorted. "And thank you for the compliment."

"Calling you a player is a compliment?" Lena spoke up with a snort.

"I'd say so, yeah," Fred chimed in with a shrug.

I noticed Alice rolling her eyes again.

"Sounds to me like these two might be jealous, Freddo," I suggested.

"What makes you say that, Jameso?"

"Because we've made our rounds through several girls in this school and have never once showed interest in them, Freddo."

"Yep, sounds like jealousy to me, Jameso."

"What would I have to be jealous of?" Kenley fired back with a roll of her eyes. "Brooks and I just made it official last week and I'd much rather have him as my boyfriend than be just another notch added to your bedpost."

I made a face. "You're dating Brooks Pruitt?"

She grinned smugly. "I am."

Both Fred and Alice were wearing disgusted looks on their face, one that most likely matched mine. "Hm, and I thought he was the dumbest person in this school," I drawled. "Turns out, you might be for actually dating that tool."

Fred laughed while Kenley and Lena glared at me. "Did it ever occur to you, Potter, that you are _not_ all that?" the former snapped, before grabbing her friend's arm and venturing over to the girls' stairwell.

I occupied Kenley's prior seat on the couch, leaning over and noticing that Alice was doing her Potions essay on the Draught of Living Death. "Ooh, any chance you're almost done with that?"

Without even looking up at me, she said, "You're not copying my essay, Jay."

I pouted. "Then what was the point of befriending the future Head Girl seventeen years ago?"

"Right, because as a one-month old, you totally knew she was going to grow up to be Head Girl," Fred snorted as he dropped on to the couch on the other side of Alice.

"I did. I was born with seeing powers," I argued.

"Oh, so you can see my fist ramming into your face?" he teased.

"You wouldn't dare. My face is too pretty to muck up."

"Mine is prettier."

I turned to Alice. "Ace, please tell puffy-cheeked egghead over there that my face is far prettier than his."

"AliCat, please tell pale-skinned flatnose over there that he's wrong."

"It's weird, but I'm suddenly missing Bitch 1 and Bitch 2," Alice spoke into her essay.

I chuckled, stretching my arms over my head and slumping down on the couch with a stifled yawn. "I'm bored, let's do something."

"Like deface school property?" Alice interjected, stealing a look at me. "No, wait, you already did that."

"Don't know what you're talking about," I lied.

"We were here the whole time," Fred chimed in.

"I literally saw you walk into the common room fifteen minutes ago."

"We were here the whole time!" Fred argued.

Alice elbowed him. "You two make the worst liars."

"It was Jax's idea," I said with a sheepish grin. "He's a rebel at heart."

Alice snorted, glancing across the room to where our teammate sat beside Rose and Harley. "The guy offering up chess advice to two girls is a rebel at heart?"

Fred and I glanced across the room, too. Fred shrugged. "He's good at hiding it."

"You two are insufferable."

"Thank you."

"That wasn't a compliment, Jay."

"I don't see why not. Being insufferable means people are inclined to leave me alone. Sounds like a win to me."

Fred stifled a laugh as Alice looked up at me to offer me a rather wry glance. "You're Harry Potter's son. People won't be leaving you alone anytime soon."

That time, Fred actually laughed while I pouted. "Suddenly, _I'm_ missing Bitch 1 and Bitch 2."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"I don't like it when you date," I whined from where I lay on Alice's bed Saturday morning. "Hogsmeade is supposed to be our thing."

She had been trying on different sweaters and asking my opinion, of which I responded every time that she was wearing a cloak over her clothes so what does it matter, so she eventually stopped asking me. She picks up quick.

"You have Fred. You'll be fine," she spoke as she pulled a baby blue sweater over her head. They brought out her eyes but I didn't want to encourage this date so I said nothing.

"You mean the Fred who will most likely find some girl to snog halfway through the day?"

She shrugged. "Probably."

I groaned and turned on to my back, glancing up at the ceiling. Normally, I looked forward to getting out of the castle and trekking into Hogsmeade but on that particular day, I was hardly looking forward to being dragged around by Fred as he searched for a decent gift to buy Aunt Hermione. I had already purchased my gift for Lily via mail order and I was almost done with the finishing touches on Alice's gift so it wasn't as if I'd be doing my own Christmas shopping.

"You could try using today to talk to Fred about his disappearing act."

I glanced over at her, meeting the curiosity in her blue eyes. She could tell I had momentarily forgotten about the secrets that Fred had been holding close to his heart recently. I had had other things on my mind both times I realized Fred was up to something – the first time, Alice had been attacked, and the second time, the entire school made my business with Harley their business. But she was right to remind me that it was time I questioned Fred about it because it was unlike him to be so elusive.

"Yeah, I guess I have to at some point," I said with a shrug, slowly sitting up. I noticed she had kept the baby blue sweater on while she went on to brushing her hair. My eyebrow popped up in surprise when I discovered that she wasn't putting her hair into a ponytail like she normally did. I tried to recall the last time I saw her with her chestnut hair down and it took me a while to remember Christmas Eve of the prior year when she had shown up to the party in a red sparkly dress and a matching headband to keep the hair out of her face.

And even then, I recall her tossing her hair up into a ponytail halfway through the night.

"No ponytail?" I asked casually.

She glanced at me through the reflection of the mirror. "It's cold. I figured I'd wear a hat over my hair."

"What does that have to do with a ponytail?"

"It'd look weird with a ponytail."

"That hasn't stopped you in the past."

She turned around to look at me with an inquisitive look. "Why do you care what my hair looks like?"

"Why do _you_ care?" I fought back. "Considering you never have before."

She said nothing at first, just studying me. Her eyes grew pensive, tense almost, before she spoke, "Wasn't it just you and Fred who were making fun of my ponytail a few weeks back?"

I blinked in surprise, briefly wondering what she was talking about until I recalled the very succinct conversation about her hairstyles (or lack therefore) Fred and I had after the Sunday night team meeting a few weeks back. "We weren't making fun," I contested, "Just making a point."

"Mm" was all she said before turning back towards the mirror with a lip gloss in hand.

I didn't like her lack of response one bit. "Wait, were you really bothered by that?"

"No."

I wasn't entirely sure I believed her so I made it a point to say, "You do realize you're beautiful no matter how you wear your hair, right?"

Her pale cheeks turned a light shade of pink as she actively avoided looking at me through the mirror. "You have to say that. You're my best friend."

I rolled my eyes as I sat up on her bed. "I do not have to say that. I could have avoided this whole conversation if I wanted to."

She said nothing but I saw a faint smile on her face as she applied the lip gloss in hand and tossed the tube on to her desk.

"Wearing lip gloss is like an invitation for a guy to kiss you," I huffed.

She rolled her eyes. "So what if it is?"

I scowled. " _No kissing allowed for you, missy_."

She turned around, faint amusement flickering in her periwinkle eyes. "Did you just call me missy?"

"I thought the moment warranted a 'missy.'"

She stared at me, her eyes exposing no emotion, while she folded her arms across her body in an unexpectedly defensive manner. "Why do you care who I kiss, Jay?"

I grimaced. "Because it's weird," I groaned.

Her gaze didn't falter from mine, her eyes suddenly hardening. "Oh, so it's weird for me to snog some random guy but it's okay for you to kiss every single girl who bats her eyelashes at you with that flirty come-hither look?"

I did not particularly like where this conversation was going but I couldn't exactly find an escape, so I said, "You deserve a lot better than the guy I am to other girls."

She looked at me, the edges of her mouth turning upward. "Yeah, well, not all guys are prats like you."

I snorted. "Believe me, they totally are."

She rolled her eyes. "Are you ever going to stop trying to protect me?"

"No."

She sighed. "I really hate it when you go all big-brother on me. Especially since, y'know, you're _not_ my big brother."

"If I was your actual brother, Pritchett would have been dealing with a lot more than just frogs pouring out of his ears."

She stared at me and I could tell she was trying to figure out the best way to respond. Crossing her arms over her chest, she said, "You do realize you're wearing pajama pants, right?"

Not exactly the response I was expecting. "So?"

"You can't go traipsing into Hogsmeade in pajama pants," she sighed. "Get on back to your room and change."

"Oh, so we're done chatting about your arse of a date then?"

She pointed to the door. "Get out."

"Get out, _please_ ," I corrected with a cheeky grin.

"Get out or I'll make frogs come out of your ears."

"Do you even know the jinx?"

"Do you want to find out?"

I grinned and then chuckled as I scooted off the bed. "Oh, how I'll miss our witty banter today."

"Funny, I was just thinking how much I wouldn't miss it."

"Lies!" I teased, grabbing her by her waist and laughing as she shrieked.

"Oy, you're going to wrinkle my sweater!" she groaned, swatting at me as she wriggled free of my grasp.

I laughed and let her go. "Well," I said, heading towards the door, "I'd say have fun on your date but I'm afraid that might give you the impression that I actually want you to have fun. Which, for the record, wouldn't be the worse thing if you didn't."

"You're a prat, James Potter!" she called out after me as I rushed out, her laughter ringing in my ear as I disappeared.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"So where to, Freddo?"

He shrugged. "I haven't a damned clue," he sighed. "I was thinking about what you said, about the elfish warfare charity for Aunt Hermione. I could easily do that, and I probably will still, but I feel like I've got to get her something tangible, too, y'know?"

I just shrugged.

He shot me a look. "Helpful."

I shrugged again.

Rolling his eyes, he said, "What did you get Lily?"

I told him.

He gawked at me. "Bloody hell, your sister is going to go nuts over that. If she didn't love you before, she might love you now."

I blinked hesitantly, not sure how to take that.

"How the hell did you manage to swing that?" he asked.

"Connections," I said vaguely, which was half true. Really, I just spent most of the money I made over the summer on spoiling her.

Groaning, Fred said, "What in Merlin's name do I buy the woman who runs the wizarding world?"

I rolled my eyes. "She doesn't run the wizarding world. We have Minister Shacklebolt for that."

"She pretty much runs it."

I didn't argue with him because frankly, he was right. Aunt Hermione was Shacklebolt's righthand woman. "Get her a book. She likes books."

"I'm fairly certain she owns all of the books ever written."

"My, aren't we aboard the exaggeration train today."

"I can't just give her a book," he contested, ignoring my rather charming wit, "That's such a copout."

"Then give her a house elf and a sock and tell her to set him free."

Fred opened his mouth to argue but thought better of it. "Any chance you know where I could find an available house elf?"

" _I was kidding_."

He made a face. " _I need help_."

"In life? Yeah, I'm well aware of that."

I wasn't surprised when he shoved me hard.

Stumbling sideways, I laughed before righting myself. "Hey, I've got an idea."

His eyebrow popped upward. "A legitimate idea?"

I shrugged. "Get her a muzzle for that unruly daughter of hers."

He glared at me. "So, no, _not_ a legitimate idea."

"Oh, c'mon, you can't honestly tell me you don't think Rose would benefit from a muzzle."

His glare was still there. "If you looked up 'not helping' in the dictionary, there would most certainly be a photo of your face."

I considered this for a mere moment before shaking my head. "You wouldn't be able to look up 'not helping' in the dictionary. You'd have to look up 'not' and 'helping' separately and then where would my face go? Wouldn't make much sense under 'not' but putting it under 'helping' has the opposite effect you're currently going for."

Fred shoved me again and once again I laughed. "I really wish I had just brought a date with me," he groaned.

My laugh faded as I realized Fred just gave me an excellent segue. "Speaking of girls," I spoke slowly, uncertain of the best way to phrase it.

Fred glanced at me curiously. "What about them?"

I decided the only way to do this was to just be blunt. "Where were you the night of the Quidditch after-party?"

The sides of Fred's eyes crinkled in confusion. "What does that have to do with girls?" he questioned.

"Just answer the question."

He shot me a look. "You know where I was, James. I was stuck in the hospital wing."

Another lie.

"You weren't there after eight o'clock," I argued. "And you weren't back at the party."

He looked a bit surprised that I somehow knew that. With a hesitant shrug, he said, "So I ran into a girl who went crazy for the wounded Quidditch player angle. Is that a crime?"

"What girl?"

"Does it matter?"

"I think it does."

"Why?"

"The question is, why won't you tell me?"

His eyes blazed with irritation. "Why the hell are you interrogating me?"

"Because you're lying to me."

He gaped at me. " _Excuse me_?"

I shifted gears. "Where were you on Halloween?"

He was indignant now. "You're asking me where I was over a _month_ ago?"

"You weren't in the Ravenclaw common room like you said. Another lie."

Fred stopped walking, turning to look at me like he wanted to punch me in the face. I was surprised he didn't. "You want to tell me what the hell your problem is, James?"

I couldn't help that I glared at him. "My problem?" I barked. "You're the one outright lying to me."

"I didn't realize I had to run every minute of my day by you," he snapped. "Just because you're used to being an overprotective, nosy douche with the females in your life doesn't mean you can do it with me."

"I wasn't aware I had to be nosy with you," I retaliated, ignoring his insult. "You've always been upfront about your comings and goings in the past."

He scoffed, shaking his head at me. "Oh so the one time I'm not upfront you're suddenly all up in arms about it? We don't have to tell each other everything."

"That's news to me considering we always have before."

His fists clenched at his side and once again I was wondering how I escaped a punch to the face. "Yeah, well, maybe I've noticed that AliCat gets uncomfortable every time we talk about our latest shag sessions so I started keeping things quieter. Maybe you don't care to be respectful towards her but I do."

Low fucking blow.

My fists clenched at my side as the fury danced in my eyes. "Don't you dare tell me I'm not respectful towards my best friend, you bloody prick," I roared. "And don't you go using her as some sort of fucking excuse when we both know she has nothing to do with this!"

"Oh, really, then what does this have to do with?"

" _I don't know_ ," I nearly yelled. "That's what I'm trying to figure out!"

Fred's nostrils flared but I was surprised to see the anger in his expression slowly fade into controlled composure. He didn't respond immediately, his lips pursed curiously as he turned his gaze away from me. "There's nothing for you to figure out," he spoke coolly. "I've just been sneaking around with a bunch of girls which is no different than how I've spent my time in the past."

"Except you suddenly refuse to tell me which girls have caught your fancy."

"None of them," he was quick to say. "Or do you forget we aren't the fancying type."

I sighed. "You know what I mean."

He frowned and his lips pursed hesitantly as he carefully considered his next words. "Maybe I haven't been bragging about it because I don't need the entire Hufflepuff team ganging up on me and setting my hair on fire."

I blinked in confusion. "Er… _what_?"

He sighed, scooting to the side as a group of younger Ravenclaws wandered past us. Glancing up at me, it was obvious this was the last conversation he was looking to have but continued anyway. "I've been fooling around with a good chunk of the Hufflepuff team, that's all."

He didn't seem too convinced which in turn made me unconvinced. "Oh? Like who?"

"You name them, I'm probably fooling around with them."

"Lionel?"

He shoved me and I stumbled backward with a laugh. "Ah, yes, you caught me. The reason I haven't been saying anything to you is because I'm now into dudes," he said with a loud groan.

I shrugged. "Hey, I wouldn't put it past you. You've been with most of the girls at the school. It's not so surprising you've moved on to— _oof_ ," I said as he shoved me once again. My shoulder was going to have a serious bruise after this conversation.

"Okay, fine," I laughed. "Not Lionel. Carver? Tannehill? Beck? Motts?"

"Tannehill was last year," he reminded me.

"I figured you'd circle back to her eventually. She is a Hufflepuff Quidditch player and let's face it, she's hot."

"Not Tannehill," he reiterated.

"But the others, yes?"

He rolled his eyes. "I will neither confirm nor deny that."

"So the others, yes," I laughed and I scooted out of the away before he could shove me. Glancing at him, I couldn't help but ask, "Why didn't you just say all of this before?"

"Because I don't respond well to people attacking my character," he drawled.

"Says the guys who told me I didn't respect my best friend," I countered, a slight irritation in my tone.

He frowned. "Yeah, that was shitty of me."

It was as close to an apology I was going to get.

I wasn't entirely sure I completely believed Fred's vague story but I also knew there was a strong chance it was as uncomplicated as he was depicting. Maybe there was more to it and maybe there wasn't, but either way, I was in no mood to continue arguing with him.

I gestured my head towards the village. "C'mon, let's go find that muzzle for Rose."

Fred groaned. "Any chance you could give me a _real_ suggestion?"

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I didn't know if Fred ended up finding something for Aunt Hermione because I walked away from him when he started once again whining about how she was impossible to shop for. Can't imagine what I was thinking when I decided accompanying him on a shopping expedition would be a good idea.

I headed towards the Three Broomsticks figuring I'd be able to find someone whose table I could crash at. Walking in, I scanned the room and saw Jax whispering something into Laikyn's ear who apparently found it hilarious because she broke out into hysteric laughter. Deciding I didn't want to be a third wheel, I continued looking around. I noticed Dash and Shayne in the corner, the former looking less than pleased though Shayne appeared not to notice. I spotted Kenley snogging Brooks Pruitt and it took everything in me not to throw up on the spot. I caught Harley and Jett looking far too cozy for my taste and wondered where Rose was. It didn't take me long to spot her at a table with Albus, Kat, and oddly enough, Scorpius. I caught her eyes from across the room and she looked up at me, pointing to Scorpius and then making a slashing gesture across her neck. I smirked and then laughed when I noticed that Scorpius had been watching her and said something (most likely arrogant) that had Rose rolling her eyes.

I had to imagine there was better company than that so I was pleased when I saw Hattie in the corner with Raegan Richmond. I was even more pleased that her other roommate and so-called friend, Jessalyn, was nowhere to be found.

Wandering their way, I slipped into the bench beside them, halting their conversation. "Hello, ladies."

"We were having a conversation," Hattie pointed out.

"And now you're not," I retaliated with a grin. "You two want refills on your butterbeers?"

"Aw, are you two using me as your smokescreen?" Raegan teased. "If you want to date each other, just do it."

"Can't. Code rules," I argued.

Hattie glanced at me curiously, a sly grin on her face. "Does that mean you'd date me if there wasn't a Code in place?"

I shot her a look. "Do I look like the dating type, love?"

"Do I look like someone who wants to be called 'love?'"

I grinned sheepishly. "So, drinks?"

They both nodded and I disappeared up to the bar.

"Kill me."

I glanced to my right as Dash wandered up with his head in his hands. "Er…alright, but when the Ministry asks me why I did it, I'm going to tell them you made me."

"I don't wanna go to Puddifoots," he moaned, ignoring my comment altogether. " _It was not meant for manly men_."

"Good thing you're not manly," I drawled. "And isn't 'manly men' a tad redundant?"

He lifted his head out of his hands to glare at me. "Are you joked-out yet?"

"Never."

He made a face and nodded towards the three butterbeers in front of me. "Please tell me one of those is for me. I'm going to need a few of those before I drown myself in pink tea."

I chuckled and gestured for the barmaid to pour me another. "Why don't you just tell Shayne you want a break from Puddifoot's?"

"Because if I do that, we'll get into an argument and that means I won't be getting any sex tonight."

I laughed. "So basically you're a pussy who's totally whipped."

He glared at me. "Why am I talking to you about relationships?"

"I was kinda wondering the same thing, mate."

He grabbed one of the butterbeers off the bartop and began chugging.

"Help me," a new voice moaned.

Rose appeared on my left and it was Dash who responded. "Nuh uh, I asked him for help first."

"I'm forced to be in Scorpius Malfoy's presence. Whatever dilemma you have can't be worse than mine."

"Shayne wants to drag me to Puddifoot's after this."

Rose appeared to be thinking before nodding. "Yeah, you might win."

I laughed and so did Dash. Rose Weasley was the type of person who wouldn't be caught dead in a dreamy establishment like Puddifoot's. There were two types of girls in the Peasley family: girly girls and tomboys. Victoire was the epitome of a prim and proper girly girl who had guys hooked from the day she stepped foot into Hogwarts. She had dated several guys throughout her third, fourth, and fifth year and then decided that none of them stuck because she had feelings for Teddy. That story, as they say, is history. Dominique had tried to be different than her sister but she was too beautiful to not also be a girly girl. She didn't thrive on makeup and she was fine wearing a pair of sweatpants around the house, but she was also known as the Weasley flirt. She had a new boyfriend every other week and none of us could keep up with their names. Next was Molly who was the opposite of Dominique in every way even though the two of them were best friends. Molly had been the first tomboy in the family, a girl who loved Quidditch stats and bought her first tube of lipstick at the age of eighteen. She had always preferred her studies to pining over boys and Uncle Percy had been relieved that unlike Dominique and Victoire who had gone through boys like tissues, Molly had only dated here and there without any of them really sticking. But if you thought Molly Weasley was a tomboy, she was nothing compared to Rose.

Rose had grown up surrounded by boys. The first three Weasley cousins had been girls (much to the surprise of Grandmum and Grandpop) before Louis came along, then me, then Fred, and right after Rose was born, Albus came along. So when we were growing up, she had quickly just become another one of the guys. She learned Quidditch with us and we all splashed in the stream together and rolled in the mud after a rainstorm and went on a hunt for frogs and wound up with clothes full of grass stains and played ninjas together. The older girls would have tea parties and pretend to be princesses and play with dolls and they'd invite Rose but she'd decline every time. It took me far longer than I'd like to admit before I even realized she was a girl. Even now, I was fairly certain she didn't own a dress. And there was a chance I'd keel over and die the day she attempted makeup.

So the moral of the story is when you think Rose Weasley, you do _not_ think Puddifoot's.

"Why are you even hanging around Malfoy?" I questioned her. "Harley's just over there. Go bother her."

"After whatever rough patch she and Jett just went through, I thought they deserved some time alone," she said with a shrug.

"That's far too considerate for a Weasley," I teased.

She rolled her eyes. "Oh, look, butterbeers for me and Albus," she said, reaching over to scoop up two of the butterbeers on the bartop.

"Oy, what am I? A human ATM?"

"You bragged all summer about how you're a man of money now. I'm all for exploiting that," she teased.

"Not anymore," I muttered. "I spent it all on Lily."

Rose's eyebrow shot up into her forehead. "Is she your Secret Santa?"

I hesitated. "Er…no?"

Rose rolled her eyes. "That's a yes."

"Who'd you get?"

"I'm not telling you!"

"Why not? I just told you."

"Not on purpose."

"What difference does that make?"

"I'm not telling you because you'll go blab it to him and then I'll be bombarded by owls with not-so-subtle gift suggestions."

"Aha, so it's a him!"

"Right, because that narrows it down."

I smirked. "If he's bombarding you with owls, that does narrow it down to family members outside of Hogwarts."

"Oh yeah because we have so few males in our family who are currently not at Hogwarts," she snorted.

I thought for a moment before saying, "If I'm blabbing to them, it's got to be Teddy or Louis. Maybe Uncle Ron. Or Uncle George. I guess I could see bothering Uncle Bill about it, too."

"How is that narrowing it down?"

I ignored her. "If it's Teddy or Louis, I could help you with suggestions."

"I'm not getting them a box of condoms."

I had almost forgotten that Dash was still there until he burst into laughter at that comment. "I don't see why not," I said, laughing myself. "At least they'd get some use out of it."

"Y'know, it's the strangest thing, but suddenly I miss talking to Malfoy," Rose spoke, stroking her chin with a hint of a smile.

She took off back towards the table but not before I called out, "I will figure this out, Rose Weasley!"

"You won't, but I admire the tenacity!"

I grinned, shrugged, and then turned towards Dash to ask, "What the hell is tenacity?"

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Dash had reluctantly left the Three Broomsticks with Shayne while I continued chatting with Hattie and Raegan. Rose, too, left and I would have assumed it was because of Scorpius but I could have sworn I saw the two of them laughing together a few times. A few minutes after Rose departed, Jax and Laikyn parted ways and the former joined us where we wound up talking about the upcoming Slytherin-Hufflepuff match.

"I feel like we have the upperhand," Hattie was arguing. "They don't know what Isla can do and we know all of their weaknesses."

"Yeah, but not knowing what a seeker can do is different than not knowing what any other player could do," Jax contested with the shake of the head.

"He's right," I spoke with a hesitant nod. "Isla is only really significant in the last few minutes of the game while the other players are important throughout."

"Maybe, but I think the rest of our team is better than Hufflepuff's," Hattie bragged. "We have faster chasers and our keeper is solid."

I decided not to tell her that I actually thought the two teams were evenly matched. That would have gotten me a butterbeer to the face. "I'll give you Reese," I said because we all knew that she was a better keeper than Cider Motts, "But your chasers suck."

I was teasing her as I said it but it still earned me a wicked glare. "You better not be referring to me," she huffed.

"'Course not, babe," I argued. "I'm talking about my dipshit of a brother and his equally annoying girlfriend."

Hattie rolled her eyes. "You may have a rivalry going with your brother but you can't say he's a bad chaser."

"I'm better than he is."

"I didn't say you weren't."

I hesitated as I realized that was somewhat of a compliment. "Well, if you're looking for a win, you could always get Fred to dance a jig in the middle of the field. Evidently those Hufflepuff girls go crazy for him."

Hattie's eyebrow shot upward as Raegan finally joined in. "Ooh, gossip alert. Do tell."

I shrugged. "It's just Fred being Fred," I said. "Going after the entire Hufflepuff team and thinking that it won't backfire on him."

"Like who?" Raegan questioned further.

"Not entirely sure but I think Carver, Beck, and Motts."

Raegan smirked, though I was more intrigued by Hattie's reaction whose eyes narrowed in slight confusion. "Cider Motts? Are you sure?"

I thought that was a strange response. "Yeah," I said hesitantly. "Why?"

She shrugged. "She and Dale Edison have been getting rather cozy together these past few weeks."

"Clearly nothing was official," I replied.

"I don't know about that," she spoke slowly. "They were snogging pretty heavily in the Quidditch stands during your match."

"Oy, they should have been paying attention to the match!" Jax chimed in.

I laughed while the two girls rolled their eyes. "I guess none of us should be surprised that Fred managed to convince Cider he was a better catch than Dale," Raegan said with a shrug. "Fred has managed to shag every single female involved in the sport of Quidditch."

"Not Roxanne," Hattie teased.

I shuddered. "Ew, can we please not joke about incest?" I whined. Hesitating, I looked around the pub and said, "Where the hell is Roxy anyway? She better be keeping her distance from Keppler."

"They weren't keeping their distance from each other last night when they were snogging in the hallway," Hattie smirked.

I jerked my head towards her sharply. " _Why are you only telling me this now_?"

"Gee, it can't possibly be because I thought you'd overreact."

I sat up enraged. "I need to find Fred immediately and rectify this situation!"

"Shouldn't be hard since he just walked in," Jax said, nodding towards the door.

Glancing up, I saw Fred meet my eyes and weave his way over to me. If I hadn't been so focused on bringing down Roxanne's snogging partner, I might have noticed the frantic worry on my friend's face.

"Fred, did you hear about your sister and-"

"James," he cut me off, "Something happened with AliCat."

All thoughts of Roxanne went out the window. "What? What are you talking about? What happened? Is she okay?" I urged, jumping up from the table.

"I don't know," he said with a sigh. "I was in my dad's shop when I noticed Brooks Pruitt chatting with her and after he walked away, some sort of argument broke out between her and Pritchett. I don't know what was said but she slapped him across the face and all he did was laugh. That's when she stormed out."

"Where is she now?" I begged.

"I don't know. I tried racing after her but she disappeared."

I didn't bother asking any other questions as I dashed off towards the exit.

I was halfway to Hogwarts before even realizing that I left my jacket back at the pub.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I didn't know what had gone down but Alice Longbottom wasn't exactly the type to slap people across the face so I had to imagine it was bad.

I scooped the Map out of my bedside table. "I solemnly swear I am up to no good!"

I searched her usual places – Quidditch pitch, her room, library – and she was nowhere to be found. I scanned her father's office and the Clock Tower and the kitchens and still nothing. I was starting to panic slightly when I caught her name in the one place I hadn't even considered. Having nearly the whole school off in Hogsmeade made spotting her name easier though.

My heart sank into my chest, knowing that she chose that exact spot, an exact spot I avoided in pretty much every way possible, because she didn't want me coming after her. I stared at her name for a few seconds, feeling torn about what I was supposed to do.

"What do you think, Franny?" I murmured, slowly shaking my head.

My pygmy puff looked up at me and cocked her fluffy little head to the side.

"She knows how much I hate that place. Which means she doesn't want me to find her," I sighed, wiping the map and tossing it back into my bedside table. "But Fred seemed really concerned so can I really just sit back and wait to find out if she's okay?"

No, I definitely couldn't.

Besides, if I didn't seek out Alice then, I knew the other person I'd seek out would be Landon Pritchett and that would only result in a one-way ticket to the hospital wing for him. And while that sounded awfully appealing, I knew it would probably be best to get the whole story first.

Which would really only make the difference between keeping him conscious or beating him into a coma.

I dashed through the hallways and stepped out on to the grounds again, pretending not to notice the frigid breeze in the air as I brought my hands up to warm my arms. Only then did I hope someone was smart enough to bring my jacket back to me. I made my way towards the lake, but right before the path curved down to the trees that lined the water, I took a hard right and slowly made my way towards the one place at Hogwarts I had always tried to avoid.

The Battle of Hogwarts War Memorial.

It was a curved wall made out of stone and etched with the names of those who died in the war against Voldemort. At the top was my father's name and underneath it a string of quotes from the late Headmaster Albus Dumbledore:

 _It is important to fight, and fight again, and keep fighting, for only then could evil be kept at bay._

 _You think the dead we loved truly ever leave us?_

 _It is our choices that show what we truly are far more than our abilities._

 _It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live._

 _After all, to the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure._

And if that wasn't enough, at the very bottom it said: "To all the brave men and women who gave up their lives to give us all a world to believe in and to Harry Potter for never giving up, we dedicate this memorial to you."

I hated it. I hated every bit of it. It felt morbid and awkward and it put me on edge. I made it a point to never go near that memorial if it could be avoided. Hogwarts was supposed to be my safe haven, my home away from home. It was supposed to be the one place I could go to get away from my father, not be reminded of his heroic war efforts. I dealt with living in the shadows of my father enough at home that I hardly needed a memorial to remind me I'd never live up to the bravest wizard that ever existed. And Alice knew how much I hated being anywhere near that memorial so if she was there, the last thing she wanted to be dealing with was me.

That didn't stop me from going after her though.

In front of the memorial was a fountain surrounded by two benches. On one of those benches sat Alice. My heart broke when I saw her hunched-over figure hugging her knees to her body tightly.

Trying my best to ignore the curved stone that I swore was taunting me, I slowly strode over to her bench and took a seat beside her. She stiffened but said nothing.

I didn't speak at first, trying to determine in my head the best way to approach the subject. I came up blank but the silence became too much to bear.

"What happened, Ace?"

She didn't respond.

"I'm not going anywhere so you might as well talk to me," I spoke stubbornly.

She still said nothing, dropping her chin on to the edge of her knees.

"Fine. It doesn't really matter if you tell me or not because I'm going to hex Pritchett either way."

I blinked in surprise when she swiftly pulled herself off the bench and turned to face me, a glare etched into her expression. "Y'see, this is your problem, James!"

I could only gape at her for a few minutes before saying, "Oh, I have a problem, do I?"

"I am so sick and tired of you trying to be my father or my brother or my protective detail or my knight in shining armor all the bloody time," she sneered, the anger in her eyes not hiding the tears that stained her cheeks. " _Why the hell can't you just be a friend for once_?"

I had no clue what had set Alice off, but to say I was shocked was a bit of an understatement. Alice didn't have much of a temper. She got annoyed like the rest of us but she wasn't an angry or spiteful person so the fact that she was yelling at me without cause was not something I was accustomed to.

Not sure how to respond, I could only shrug in a rather awkward way before saying, "Being your friend means I get to look out for you."

"I don't need you to look out for me!" she exploded, her voice filling the still air. "I don't need you to come to my rescue all the bloody time! I don't need you to hex every guy that looks at me or flirts with me. I don't need you to come up with ways to keep guys away from me. I don't need you hounding my dates and trying to scare them off. I don't need you to be a douchebag to everyone that crosses path with me! _I don't need you to care so much about me_."

I could only gape at her, wondering if this person in front of me had switched bodies with someone else in the past few hours. This wasn't the Alice I knew, one filled with spite and emotional rage and desperate wrath. Her eyes were blazing with such fire it was making it near impossible for me to even think as I tried replaying her words over and over in my head. Words that I had no problem admitting infuriated me. With a swift shake of the head, I, too, pulled myself off the bench. Towering over her, I hissed, "Well, Ace, that is just _too damned bad_ because I do care about you, I always have, and I don't really plan on stopping anytime soon and if you really think I have the ability to stop caring, maybe you don't know me at all."

She appeared to be caught off-guard for a mere moment before composing herself. "You don't care about me. You don't care about anyone," she spoke coolly. "It's just like Rose said. It's always about you. This is your world. We're all just living in it."

When Rose had accused me of caring for nothing and no one except myself, it stung. But this felt like a herd of hippogriffs had run over my body twice and then came back to stab me with a thousand knives.

I could have walked away.

I should have.

I wanted to.

But I didn't.

Because even though she was convinced I didn't care, I did.

"Do you know how much I hate this memorial, Ace?" I seethed.

I could tell she was surprised I didn't walk away, but the confusion in her eyes gave way to frustration. "Did you even listen to a damned thing I said?"

"About how I'm selfish and don't give a shit about anyone except myself?" I spoke through gritted teeth. "Yeah, I fucking heard. Now, do you know how much I hate this memorial?"

She gaped at me. "What the hell does that have to do with-"

"Because if you knew just how much I hated this place, how I much preferred to avoid it, how much I stay away from it at every chance possible, then you'd also know that I _wouldn't be here right now if I didn't bloody care about you_ ," I hissed, my fists clenched at my side for if there was anyone who was supposed to understand me, it was her.

The frustration in her eyes began to blur with guilt and dejection and I could see a glistening in the sides of her eyes that told me tears were on the horizon. "Why?"

I could only stare at her, not sure what the hell she was asking. "Why what?"

The tears coated her entire eyes now. "Why do you care so much?"

That didn't clear anything up. "You mean besides the fact that you're my best friend?"

She didn't even try to wipe the few tears that slid down her cheeks. "Why?"

I was confused and annoyed and shocked and disoriented and her vague questions weren't helping. "Why _what_?" I asked, my tone laced with irritation.

She blinked back the tears, though that didn't stop them from falling. "Why are you friends with me?" she whispered hoarsely. "Why is it I'm the only other person you act like you care about? Why do you shut everyone else out but not me? Why, James? Why do you keep me around?"

All I could do was stare at her, her line of questioning more than unexpected. "Why the hell are you asking?"

Another tear slipped out. "You don't have an answer to that question?"

"I have a million answers to that question," I sighed. "But I don't get why you're-"

"Then explain it to me because I don't get it," she practically snapped at me.

She was serious. She really wanted to know why I bothered being friends with her and it unnerved me so much because that shouldn't be a question she ever felt she had to ask. Our friendship has never wavered, not once. I knew I was hardly near perfect, choosing to shun so many people from my life, but it had never even once occurred to me that I could possibly want to do the same with Alice. She was one of the few good things in my life. How could she not see that?

"You…" I trailed off, slowly shaking my head in defeat. "You really think I don't care?"

She hesitated before shaking her head. "It's not that I don't think you care, it's that I don't understand why."

Once again, I should have just walked away, too stunned and even hurt that she couldn't seem to understand how important she was to me, but instead I took a seat back down on the bench and I answered her.

"You know everything about me, Ace," I spoke softly. "Every. Little. Thing. The good, the bad, the ugly, and even though I've got a shit ton of bad and even more ugly, you've always stuck by me. I've never had to reach out to you or call on you when I needed a friend. You just show up out of nowhere _every damned time_ and you instantly know what I need. You always know what I need, usually before I even know it. You know because you know me better than I know myself. Everything we do and say to each other feels natural. Our conversations never get old and they never get stale. I could talk to you for hours, for days, and never get bored. And you know how to make me laugh more than anyone else in this world. We always have fun together. You are so bloody kind to everyone and I hate you for it because you make the rest of us look bad but I love you for it because it's what makes you you. And you never have a bad thing to say about anyone. You love your family so much that you're willing to go and work for them after school even though I know that's not what you really want to do. You're smart and clever and everyone respects you and why shouldn't they? And you know what I'm thinking before I even think it. You know when I'm lying and you call me out on it. You-"

"Stop," she said in a small voice, shaking her head.

I did.

She rejoined me on the bench. Thick silence coated us as an awkward tension filled the air. She didn't look at me, finding a sudden interest in the ground as she blinked back the last of her tears. She finally turned to me, the overwhelming guilt reflecting in her eyes. "Has anyone ever told you that you have a real way with words?" she whispered.

I frowned. I could have responded with the standard answer, but my frustration kept me from doing so. "Why did you need me to say all that, Ace?"

She shut her eyes tightly. "That's not what you're supposed to say."

I sighed. "Yeah, well, when you decide to question our friendship, I get to stray from our norm."

She flinched and stole a peek towards me. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

I looked at her. "For what exactly?"

She didn't say anything so I asked again.

Turning away, she shook her head and spoke. "It doesn't matter."

"It does to me."

She wiped the tears from her eyes and turned back to face me. She said nothing at first, just staring at me with hesitance and reluctance. I could see the wheels turning in her head before she let out a defeated sigh and spoke. "Did you know about the betting pool?"

I stared at her. "The what?'

She appeared to be examining me before speaking. "Apparently I'm just some big bet to people."

My eyes narrowed cautiously. "Again, I say _what_?"

She looked me dead in the eye and said, "A bunch of guys in the school are betting on who can get me to sleep with them."

I froze. " _You have got to be fucking kidding me_."

She shook her head. "Supposedly you knew about it."

I wasn't sure whether I was irate or…

No, I was definitely irate.

"If I was in on it, if I knew anything about this, _if I even had an inkling that this bet was going on,_ don't you think that every single guy in this school would be unconscious in the bloody hospital wing with their mouths wired shut and their dicks cut off!?"

I expected some sort of reaction from that but she just stared at me. "So you weren't just trying to protect me by not saying anything? You hexing and trying to keep away all the guys who showed interest in me wasn't because of the bet?"

I realized then what her original rant had been about when I first wandered up. " _No_ ," I said with a vigorous shake of the head. "I didn't say anything to you _because I didn't know_. And believe me when I say that a couple of frogs coming out of Pritchett's ears would have been the least of his worries if I thought he was just using you to fulfill some goddamned bet. Fucking hell, Ace, there's no bloody way I would have been able to keep my cool if I had learned something like that!"

I saw the relief in her eyes though it was slightly concealed by guilt. "Okay."

I narrowed my eyes at her. "' _Okay_?' That's it?"

She nodded.

I wasn't done with this conversation, however. "Why would you think I knew about it?"

She said nothing but she didn't have to. I knew the answer before I even asked that question and I really hoped that murder had been legalized in the past hour because the jackoff Landon Pritchett was a goddamned dead man.

"Pritchett told you that, didn't he."

She still said nothing.

Slowly my frustration faded into disbelief. I fell silent, just staring at her and trying to hide the feeling of faint betrayal swirling around in my heart. "And you believed him?" I eventually spoke, my voice soft with regret.

I could see the shame in her eyes. "I didn't want to."

My heart sank. "But you did?"

Still looking at me, she slowly shook her head. "I was afraid not to."

My brow furrowed. "Why?"

It took her a long time to respond. "Because even though you're okay not needing anyone or at least pretending you don't need anyone, I know that I need you," she spoke softly. "You're my best friend. Maybe my only friend. And I don't think you know what it's like to need someone who doesn't need you back."

This was one of the heavier conversations we have ever shared and it was breaking my heart. I had always believed that Alice was confident and self-assured but it was clear to me now that she had insecurities just like the rest of us. And it only made me like her more. But this conversation had suddenly taken a drastic turn into an uncomfortable territory I was not completely willing to discuss.

"Is that what you think?" I murmured. "That I don't need you?"

She hesitated before shrugging. "I don't know because you don't let me in. You don't let anyone in."

That surprised me because I thought she was the only person I _had_ let in. But maybe I was far more damaged than I even realized. That once happy-go-lucky kid had turned into a bitter teenager practically overnight and I stopped feeling as if everything was okay and just pretended it was. But maybe I hadn't pretended as well as I had thought.

I was at a loss for words and was desperate for this conversation to be over so I could go back to not feeling so awkwardly vulnerable. "What do you want me to say here, Ace?" I muttered. "That I do need you?"

I knew immediately that that was the wrong thing to say when the hurt splashed across her face. I could practically see her heart breaking in front of me. "If you have to ask me what to say, maybe it's better that you don't say anything at all," she whispered, looking at me for a brief moment before climbing off the bench and rushing down the pathway.

My heart raced frantically as I watched her run off, guilt and fear and panic taking over every inch of my body knowing that if I let her go now, nothing would ever really be the same between us. And that was the last thing I wanted.

"Ace, wait," I called out pleadingly.

She stopped but she didn't turn around.

I didn't even know what to say but I knew I had to say something, to prove to her that even though I didn't always show it, I knew in the deepest crevice of my heart that she was the one and only person in the world I needed in my life.

"I have a lot of people in my life," I spoke softly, slowly taking steps towards her. "I have an entire army full of cousins, some who I like and some who I merely tolerate. But they're there. And obviously I have Fred who is more my friend than my cousin. And Teddy's like an actual brother instead of my godbrother. And Louis is an easy person to hang around. And my aunts and my uncles are always looking out for me. Maybe a little too much sometimes. I only have one set of grandparents but they're pretty great. I may not always get along with my parents but I'm forced to deal with them. I have a brother who pisses me off most of the time and a sister who I actually like more than I admit. I have your father who is always on my case. Auntie Luna and her crazy family are around. I have the Quidditch team, most of whose company I thoroughly enjoy. I hang out with Dash, too. I guess you could say I also have Hattie although that makes it sound like I'm committed to her and I wouldn't want anyone thinking that and-"

"Where are you going with this?" Alice spoke. She had turned around at some point during my rant and was now staring at me with a very obvious irritation in her expression.

I grew quiet, staring at her as my heart tightened within my chest. My mouth grew dry, wondering why I even bothered to start this conversation. Talking about my feelings wasn't exactly something I enjoyed doing, mainly because I tried never doing it, but I didn't know how to shut Alice out. And I didn't want to. "I have a lot of people in my life," I repeated in a half-whisper, "But there's only one person I need and it's you."

She looked up at me sharply, her mouth hanging open and her eyes paralyzed with shock. She opened her mouth and then shut it, clearly at a loss for words. She blinked a few times before finally able to say, "You mean that?"

I nodded. "You're my person, Ace."

Her eyebrow shot up as if to ask for an explanation.

So I gave it to her. "You're the person I go to for everything, the person who makes my life have meaning, the person I can't ever get mad at, the person that supports me in everything I do no matter how crazy it may be, the person who accepts me for the flawed human being I am. You're the person I can't live without, Ace."

She just stared at me, the shock and the gratitude shining in her blue eyes. "That…" she trailed off with a hesitant shake of her head, "That might be the nicest thing you've ever said to me."

I shrugged. "Yeah, well don't get used to it," I spoke with a teasing smile.

It was meant to make her smile so I was surprised when she frowned. "I'm sorry, Jay."

Another apology that confused me. "For what?"

She slowly shook her head and I could see the tears reflecting in her eyes once again. "For letting myself believe Landon."

Oh, right. Him. The jackoff.

I shrugged. "I'm sorry, too."

Her eyebrow popped up. "For what?"

Hesitating, I said, "I'm sorry that Pritchett is such a bloody jackoff."

Her upper lip twitched but then quickly faded and I had a feeling she was thinking about the bet.

"Maybe there isn't even a real bet, Ace," I spoke with a curious shrug. "Could be that Pritchett was just trying to get a rise out of you."

She shook her head as the sadness took over once again. "There's a bet. Brooks told Landon he didn't have a chance of winning the bet and that he shouldn't bother wasting a Saturday afternoon on me," she muttered. "It's how I found out about it."

Another guy I was now planning to send to the hospital wing.

" _I'm going to fucking kill both those bastards_."

"Don't," she muttered. Turning to me, I saw the desperate plea in her eyes. "I know you have this fixation on trying to protect me all the time but I'm telling you, I don't need, or want, you to come to my rescue all the time, Jay. I need you to believe that that I can take care of myself."

I felt an unexpected swarm of guilt settle into my heart for ever making her think I didn't believe she was capable of handling things on her own. "I do," I said with a small nod. "I know you can take care of yourself, Ace. I know you are strong enough to fight your own battles. But that doesn't mean I'll ever stop wanting to fight for you, too."

She snuck a peek at me and I saw a small smile creep on to her lips, though it was clear it hardly reached her eyes. "I guess that's not so bad."

I grinned and reached out to wrap my arms around her. She settled into the hug with a smile. "Y'know, there's one good thing that came out of this," I considered hesitantly.

Her brow furrowed. "What?"

I smirked. "You probably won't be inclined to go on any more dates this year."

She looked surprised for a half-second before pulling back in an attempt to glare at me. It would have worked had the ends of her mouth not turned upward at the same time. "You're such a prat, James Potter."

I grinned and walked over to her, pulling her in for a hug that I knew she really needed. "I know," I murmured. "But I'm your prat, Ace."

She looked up at me and slowly, a smile crept on to her face. "That you are," she whispered, wrapping her arms around me once again and squeezing in a way that thanked me for all that I had said today. I squeezed back, letting her know that I hadn't just said it, I had meant it.

"Hey, Jay?"

I stepped backward slightly, glancing down at her. "Hm?"

She met my gaze, reluctance in her eyes as she spoke softly. "You can hex Landon if you want."

I grinned.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

That night after I left Alice's room and returned to the common room, I was pleased to see that Fred was on one of the couches chatting with Jax and Dash.

"Oy, Freddo," I greeted, striding over to the threesome, "We've got business to attend to."

He looked up with a peaked eyebrow, slowly tilting his head to the side as he studied me. Eventually, he spoke. "Pritchett?"

I grinned wickedly. "Pritchett."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"So, you going to tell me why I just spent my Saturday night beating the shit out of Pruitt and Pritchett?" Fred asked as the two of us walked back to our common room, ignoring our bruised knuckles.

My lips pursed irritably, the anger inside of me too much to even relay out loud.

"Something about a bet I gathered from what you were saying to the two pricks?" Fred urged.

I halted abruptly in the hallway. It took Fred a few seconds to realize I wasn't at his side anymore as he turned towards me with a quizzical look. "Evidently there are a group of guys in this school who had started a bet on who could…" I trailed off, not even sure I could get the words out.

"On who could what?"

I recalled the tears in Alice's eyes from earlier and it broke my heart all over again. She was so much more than a bet and it killed me to think that there were so many people who refused to see that. "On who could get her to sleep with them," I spoke softly.

Fred stared at me. He blinked once and then again and then said rather calmly, "I'm sorry, could you repeat that?"

"Please don't make me," I murmured.

The shock and confusion in his eyes gave way to an explosive anger almost immediately. "Bloody fucking hell, we should have sent those two cretins straight to the morgue if that's true!"

"Believe me, I had the same thought," I growled. "But I figured going to Azkaban wasn't going to change the fact that the bet happened in the first place."

"Who else was betting on her?" Fred seethed.

"I don't know," I sighed. "But I don't think I want to."

"Why the hell not? They all deserve a good beating!"

"Yeah, they do," I agreed with a single nod, "But evidently trying to be Alice's knight in shining armor is a surefire way to piss her off and I'm looking to stay on her good side right now."

Anger faded into confusion. "You lost me."

I just shook my head. I didn't really want to have to explain my conversation with Alice to Fred so I just said, "She deserves better than all those pricks. She deserves so much better."

Fred was studying me carefully. "Tell me, are you ever going to be able to approve a guy for AliCat?"

"No."

He rolled his eyes. "That may have her resenting you one day."

I neglected to point she had already started to resent me for it. "She deserves the best, Freddo."

He pursed his lips curiously. "Okay, so if you _had to_ choose a guy for her right now, who would it be?"

"No one."

"You're terrible at this game."

"I'm sure Ace will be so happy to hear we're turning her love life into a game."

He predictably rolled his eyes again. "Try to be serious for a moment," he groaned. "Take a long, hard look at the seventh years and pick one of them, _just one guy_ , who you wouldn't completely disapprove of dating Alice. Just one!"

"I still pick no-"

" _James_."

I made a face but decided to do what he asked and considered the options. I went through each of the Houses, cringing at nearly every prospect. With a sigh, I said, "Can I just pick you?"

Fred's eyebrow slowly jutted into his forehead. "You'd actually approve of _me_ dating her?" he spoke with a heavy amount of skepticism.

I grimaced at the very thought. "You're right, you're a prick just like the rest of them."

He laughed and didn't bother to argue seeing as he knew full well he wasn't a good enough guy for Alice, nor did he particularly want to be. "Pick someone legitimate, Potter."

I made another face but again went through my options. With a shrug, I eventually said, "Dash wouldn't be so terrible."

Fred shot me a look. "I believe he's taken, mate."

"By a drama-filled diva," I drawled. "He could do better."

Fred sighed, slowly shaking his head at me. "Well, I suppose I can only be satisfied that there is in fact someone out there you don't totally disapprove of."

With another shrug, I started back down the hallway with Fred right on my heels. After a few moments of hesitant silence, I felt it was necessary to add, "I'd still hex him though."

Fred groaned. "Yeah, I should have seen that coming."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Sunday morning came and Alice was trying not to laugh as I attempted to toss grapes in the air for Fred to catch in his mouth. Needless to say, more grapes ended up on the floor.

"Oy, will you two take that elsewhere? I'm being pelted by grapes!" Dash groaned.

I shot him a look. "Why are you so whiny this morning? Ah, did Shayne not thank you for the Puddifoot's date with a night of raw, animal sex?"

Dash glared at me while Alice rolled her eyes. "You saw me hanging out with Fred and Jax last night, didn't you?" he drawled. "What do you think?"

"That you probably said something to piss her off."

"I didn't!" he argued.

"Okay, then you did something to piss her off."

He said nothing.

I smirked, chucking a grape at his nose. "C'mon, tell Therapist James all about your relationship problems and he will fix them."

"No way," Dash argued, "Because I know your fix will be grovel at her feet and then have make-up sex in a closet somewhere."

I glanced towards Fred who was smirking. "He says that like it's a bad thing. I mean, isn't that a fix to all relationship problems?" I questioned.

"I hardly think either of us are expert on relationships," he pointed out.

"Yeah, but my fix ends with sex so I'm not sure what the problem is."

Alice rolled her eyes again and Dash joined her. "She overreacted. I'm not groveling to her this time."

"You will," I smirked, "When you want to have sex again."

"Not everything is about sex!" he groaned.

I shared another look with Fred. "It isn't?" I mused. "Hm, that's news to me."

More eye rolls from the only female.

Our conversation was interrupted when Rose slid into the bench beside me, a stern look of curiosity wavering in her eyes.

"Hiya, Rosie Dearest," I greeted. "Scone?"

She actually bypassed my use of her nickname she hated so much and instead said, "Did you hear? Landon Pritchett and Brooks Pruitt are in the hospital wing, the former with a few cracked ribs and a broken jaw and the latter with a bruise the size of England on his face," she spoke with a bit of a growl. "Won't be released for a few days."

"Probably tripped down the stairs" was my immediate response as I shrugged. "Clumsy little buggers, aren't they."

Fred suddenly became very interested in his eggs while I gave Alice major props for pretending to look shocked at this news. Dash could only smirk.

"I know it was you, James," Rose scoffed.

"They're lying if they said that," I argued.

"Landon can't say anything because his jaw is currently wired shut!"

"Probably for his own good," Fred chimed in. "That guy was a talkative little shit, always running his mouth."

"Why do I get the feeling you were in on this, too?" Rose snapped.

"No idea what you're talking about."

She glared at Fred and then turned back to glare at me. When our expressions gave away nothing, she turned to Alice. "Aren't you going to chime in here and tell them off for being idiots?"

Alice pretended to think about it before shrugging. "There's no proof it was them."

Rose looked surprised for a moment before she narrowed her eyes. "That's never stopped you before."

Alice shrugged again.

Rose scowled. "Bloody hell, you were in on it, too, weren't you?"

"No, I was in my room all night."

"But you probably knew about it!"

"To quote Fred, I have no idea what you're talking about."

Rose shook her head in disbelief as she picked herself off the bench. "You're supposed to keep these two in line, not encourage them," she groaned.

"No idea what you're talking about," she said again, though a hint of a smile spread across the lower half of her face.

Rose threw her hands in the air and the rest of us could no longer hold in our laughter. "I cannot wait until this school is rid of all of you," she sighed.

"That might take a while," Alice said with a shrug. "Who knows how long it will take James here to actually graduate."

That had everyone laughing, including Rose, and I just pouted. "Oy, I get good—okay, I get _decent_ grades."

But no one was listening. They were too busy laughing.

That's okay. I'll just get them back later.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Later that day when I decided to forego the two essays I had on my to-do list for a chocolate break in the kitchens, my plans were foiled by a familiar voice.

"-sorry that my ex-friend is such a prick."

"Ex-friend?" Alice spoke.

"I didn't know about it," the male voice spoke. Took me a few seconds to realize it was Rudy. "The bet I mean."

She didn't respond at first. "Your friend knew about it."

"And he didn't tell me about it. I didn't know," he pleaded.

Another pause. "Okay."

"And I didn't ask you out to Hogsmeade last time because of it."

"Okay."

"Alice, please believe me."

The silence was longer this time and I could practically hear her remorse in the still quiet. Or maybe I just knew her so well that I knew exactly what she must be thinking. "I want to," she muttered. "But it's hard not to question everything now. Any guy that spoke to me. Asked me out. My relationship with Tanner."

When Rudy didn't say anything, I wasn't surprised to hear Alice say, " _Tanner knew about it_?"

I made a mental note to punch Tanner in the face the next time I came across him.

"See, this is what I'm talking about," she muttered. "How am I supposed to trust you when I can't trust anyone?"

"Because we both know why it didn't work out between us and it had nothing to do with me trying to sleep with you and everything to do with you."

That comment confused me. I thought the decision to keep things strictly platonic had been mutual between them but Rudy was saying otherwise.

"Seems like he's the only one I can trust," she murmured.

Another comment that baffled me. Who was she referring to?

"I'm sure he's told you by now that he didn't know about it," Rudy spoke. "If he had, Landon and Brooks would have been in the hospital wing a long time ago."

 _Who are you referring to_?

"He told me."

 _Who told you_?

Rudy let out a sigh and then a chuckle. "Of course. _Him_ you believe."

 _WHO?_

More silence until - "I believe you, Rudy. It's just hard."

"I know," he responded softly. "If it helps, I plan to give a lot of detentions and take a lot of points from those who were in on it."

A faint chuckle fell from her lips but even from around the corner I could sense it was forced. "Do you know everyone who was in on it?"

"Not specifically but I have a few guesses."

"Any chance you could tell me?"

"I don't think you really want to know," he urged.

She didn't respond immediately which made me think Rudy was right in thinking that. She confirmed it. "No," she murmured. "I don't."

Another hesitant paused followed until Rudy said, "Can I ask you something?"

I assumed she nodded because he continued. "Why'd you even say yes to Landon when we both know you would have rather gone with-"

"Because I don't want to feel this way," she interrupted hastily and I inwardly cursed her, wanting to know how Rudy was going to finish that sentence.

"Tell that to your heart."

"I'm trying!" she whined and he laughed.

 _What in Merlin's name were they talking about_?

"Next time, try with a guy who isn't an arsehole," he teased.

"I tried that the first Hogsmeade date and it still didn't work out."

"So you thought you might go down the arsehole route instead?"

"In hindsight, not my best decision."

He laughed and then she did and he said something about continuing to the library. I stood still as I heard the footsteps retreating, a million questions now swimming around in my head.

I thought I knew everything about Alice Longbottom but it sounded like perhaps she had a few secrets she wasn't telling me. I wanted to find out what they were but if she was keeping them from me, a part of me was scared to find out what they could be.

Maybe I was better off not knowing.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

 **A/N:** Up next: Slytherin vs. Hufflepuff Quidditch match.


	11. All Hell Broke Loose

**A/N:** Well, what do we have here? Another chapter! Thanks for reading and please let me know what you think.

* * *

 **A WAY WITH WORDS**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 11: All Hell Broke Loose

" _I've spent my whole life  
Somewhere on the other side  
Of that line  
You ain't ever s'posed to cross  
Running with my demons chasing  
What they said was freedom  
Swore I'd never leave 'em  
No matter what the cost."  
_-Montgomery Gentry

* * *

Slytherin and Hufflepuff had pretty much hijacked the Quidditch pitch for the week so I was forced to resort to team meetings, which wouldn't have been all bad had I not been itching for more time in the sky. The holidays were coming up which always put me a bit on edge and the only thing that seemed to take that edge off was flying.

After I spent all Tuesday night tossing and turning, I eventually crept out of bed just before five in the morning and spent an hour in the sky, ignoring the frigid cold that wrapped around my every body part. I snuck off to the locker room to warm up with a hot shower when I heard distant voices and knew that one of the teams had shown up for early practice. I shut off the water immediately, not wanting to give away my position, and eventually slipped out of the clubhouse without anyone noticing. I spent a few minutes watching the Slytherins practice and listening to my brother bark orders before I disappeared back up to the castle. Fred commented on my wet hair when we all climbed out of bed for the start of our day but I changed the subject and he didn't bring it up again.

Wednesday night had us all hovering in the Clock Tower again. I left the recordings back in my room, of which they all cheered in unison when I told them, and decided to keep it brief.

"Slytherin and Hufflepuff play on Saturday," I started.

"We haven't been living under a rock," Jax pointed out. "We're all well aware who plays on Saturday."

I ignored him. "Obviously, we will all go and while we are going as adoring spectators of the sport, we will also be there on a mission."

"Should we choose to accept it?" Alice drawled with a roll of the eyes.

I ignored her, too. "Isla Zabini," I spoke firmly. "I want _all eyes on her_. I want to know how she kicks off, how she flies, how she dives, how she moves, how she-"

"You want to know everything about her. We get it," Fred added.

He went ignored, also. "-how she loops through the air, how she hovers, how she looks for the snitch, and when she doesn't catch it, I want to know her reaction."

"Getting a little ahead of yourself, aren't you?" CJ questioned.

"I want her game memorized," I urged, ignoring him, too. "And in the meantime, if any of you so much as consider cheering for the Slytherins, _I will make you do laps until your legs fall off_."

"You can't tell us who to root for," Sadie argued.

This time, I responded. "You're not rooting for Slytherin."

"I wasn't planning on it," she drawled, "Though maybe now I will just to spite you."

" _You're not rooting for Slytherin_."

She rolled her eyes. "Has anyone ever told you that your rivalry with your brother is a bit sad?"

"Do you have siblings, Bishop?" I barked.

She sighed. I took that as a no.

"That's what I thought," I spoke. "Hufflepuff has a good team. Not great, but good. We play them next and I've heard rumblings that they're trying out some new beater strategies this year so we need to be alert. They have a strong chaser trio but Cider is still wobbly at keeper. I'm curious if a summer of practice has made her stronger so Ace, CJ, keep an eye on them."

"How are we supposed to memorize Isla's every move _and_ study Cider's keeper skills?" CJ questioned.

I shot him a look. "Are you questioning my tactics, Colton John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt?"

"Er…it was a legitimate question."

"Great, now I have that song in my head," Jax murmured as he began to hum the tune to "John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt."

"You focus on Cider, CJ," I sighed, ignoring Jax. I was getting good at this whole ignoring thing. "Learn how she guards the hoops and her blocking techniques. The rest of us will worry about Isla."

He nodded.

"So are we allowed to have fun at the game?" Cass spoke with a teasing grin, flipping her blonde hair over her shoulder, "Or are we just there to work?"

"Mainly the latter."

" _James_ ," Alice groaned.

I grinned sheepishly. "Okay, _fine_ , you can have fun but we're sitting together as a team like we always have."

Sadie rolled her eyes. I was about to point out that she had no friends so who would she sit with if she didn't sit with us but then remembered her weird, sadistic friendship with Brooks and kept my mouth shut because the last thing I wanted was to her discussing strategy with the Captain of the Ravenclaw team.

"Your friends can sit _with_ us, though," Alice explained.

"Only if they don't disturb your concentration," I added. Hesitating, I said, "And I have to like them because I don't want to be annoyed."

"The only people here annoyed are us with you," Alice scoffed.

"Not possible. I'm completely loveable."

That earned me a response of synchronized laughter.

Of course they were right to laugh. Loveable was not a word I'd use to describe myself nor would anyone else.

But I pretended to be annoyed anyway.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I ran into Hattie alone in the hallway Friday after lunch and grinned. "Well, if it isn't the beautiful Miss Wilkes."

"If it isn't the troublesome Mister Potter," she smirked.

"Where you off to?"

"Library. I have two essays due Monday that I'm trying to get a headstart on."

If she was anything like me, she was planning to use Saturday to celebrate an intended win and then Sunday to nurse a nasty hangover. "Or," I said, stroking my chin, "We could steal away to the empty study room at the end of the hallway and, hm how do I say this, _not_ study."

The edges of her mouth twitched upward. "That's what you're going with? 'Not study?'"

"I could have said shag our brains out but I was going for discrete."

She laughed. "Since when did you care about being discrete?"

"Good point. How about we steal away to that empty study room and shag our brains out, Hattie Wilkes?"

I expected her to roll her eyes. I did not expect her to shrug and say, "Sure, let's go."

I blinked. "Wait, seriously? That line actually worked?"

She laughed and took a step towards me to wrap her arms around my shoulders and draw herself towards me. "It's not the line," she smirked. "I've just been a bit wound up lately and could use something to take the edge off."

And because she was looking hot as hell in her uniform, the top buttons of her shirt unbuttoned and her skirt looking shorter than usual, I leaned over to press my lips hastily to hers. She wasted no time in kissing me back, our lips fighting for dominance against one another's as our tongues swirled in perfect harmony.

"Tell me," I murmured into her ear, pressing a kiss to the side of her neck, "Are you wound up because of a certain match coming up?"

She pulled back to sigh. "Something tells me you might understand that sentiment all too well."

I nodded and wordlessly gestured down the hallway. "I do," I agreed as the two of us made our way towards the study room. "And let me tell you, sexual release works wonders."

She laughed. "Something tells me you'd say that even if it weren't true."

"Why? You already agreed to forego the library for me," I teased, nudging her with my elbow.

She threw her head back and laughed again. I pushed the door of the study room open and practically dragged her in, bringing my lips to hers once more, the passion just as fiery as it always was.

"Yes, and you better not make me regret it," she whispered as my lips made a raid towards her exposed neck.

I pulled back with my typical smirk and said, "Well, that sounds very much like a challenge."

Smiling coyly she said, "And what if it was?"

I reached down and swiftly pulled her school sweater over her head and whispered, right before plunging my lips against hers, "Challenge accepted."

One way of easing my tension was to get up early in the morning and fly when no one was around. A better way was through sex.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Hattie and I separated, a grin very much planted on my face, which was quickly erased when I rounded the corner and unfortunately ran into my brother. The not so unfortunate part was that he was with my sister.

"Well, looks like we have ourselves a good ol' family reunion."

The two of them halted their conversation to look up in surprise as I strolled towards them.

"Aren't you late for Charms right now?" Lily questioned.

"Are you memorizing my schedule?" I scoffed.

"Are you avoiding the question?"

I shrugged. "Are you really that surprised to find me in a hurry to get to class?"

She rolled her eyes. So did Albus.

"Somebody want to tell me why I wasn't invited to the family reunion?" I questioned.

"We just ran into each other," Lily spoke again. Notice how my brother once again lets other people answer for him. "Very much like how you just ran into us."

"Running into each other insinuates brief. You two looked like you were having a very in-depth conversation when I strolled up."

"Still not sure why that's your business."

Aha, so the brother speaks.

"Are you two betting on who'll win the match tomorrow?" I smirked. "Go for Hufflepuff, Lils, if you want to make some money."

"Don't call me that," she bristled. "And just because you have a ridiculous aversion to the Slytherin team doesn't mean they're not good."

"Their seeker is a novice," I reminded her.

"So was Sadie her first year and she won two out of the three matches."

She had a point.

I really hated that.

I changed the subject. "You and that girlfriend of yours work out your petty drama with your keeper?" I asked Albus with a smirk.

He shot me a glare before sharing his own smirk. I did not like the look of it. "You'll never guess who's coming to the match tomorrow."

"Al, don't," Lily pleaded.

My eyes narrowed at both of them. "Not Puddlemere's defensive coach," I shot back with a grin.

"Who the hell cares that their defensive coach was at your match last month?" Albus snorted. "No, let me rephrase. The only people who should have cared would have been your beaters and your keeper. You know, _the defensive players_."

"People talk. And considering you won't be making the finals this year, it's not like the recruiters will get a chance to watch you so I wouldn't go putting down the fact that we got extra recruiters at our match."

"Oh, big deal," he spoke with a cool shrug, "For my match, I'll just be happy that Dad-"

" _Al_ ," Lily snapped, but it was too late. The damage was done.

"-will be there," he finished.

I tried to look indifferent but I could feel the stinging in my heart as I stared at him. "Dad's coming to your match?" I spoke, a hint of coolness in my tone.

Albus nodded smugly. "I told him to come, he agreed."

"Ah, not above begging, are you?" I drawled.

"I didn't have to beg. Y'see, he actually likes me."

" _Al_ ," Lily snapped at him.

"Can't imagine why," I hissed at my brother. "At least if he had come to my match, he would have seen what a winning son looks like."

I turned on my heel then, storming off, as Al called out after me. "You'll be eating those words tomorrow!"

I gave him the finger right before I turned the corner.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I wound up in the Clock Tower with a bottle of firewhisky. Or what was now two-thirds of a bottle of firewhisky. I took large gulps, desperate for the liquid to burn my throat and make me feel a more physical pain to eradicate the emotional pain swimming around in my sad and pathetic heart.

My relationship with my father had always been rocky, and that was one of the nicer ways to describe it. We both spent a lot of time either ignoring or avoiding each other. He lived and deceived me for eleven years and in return, I shut him out. And at some point down the road, he started to shut me out, too. I should have seen it coming, or at least expected it but it happened so slowly, neither of really knew what was happening until it was probably too late.

He stopped caring about me or my interests. He berated me for spending so much time on Quidditch. He scolded me for my lack of educational abilities. He stopped writing to me. He stopped showing up. He stopped caring. So then I stopped caring.

Or at least I tried. But I wouldn't have been up in that Clock Tower drowning my sorrows in alcohol if I didn't care a little bit.

It didn't surprise me when an hour later I heard a set of footsteps on the stairwell behind me. Moments later, Alice sat down on my right. I didn't have to ask her what she was doing there. I knew Lily would have told her what happened and I knew Alice would have known exactly where to go.

I could feel her concerned eyes on me as she spoke. "Are you okay?"

"Yep," I said, taking a swig of firewhisky.

There was a long pause before she spoke again. "Are you really okay?"

No, it felt like someone was carving cutouts in my heart and letting the blood slowly drain through my veins as the pain overtook every inch of my body. Because how could I be okay knowing that my father loved my brother far more than he loved me?

Scratch that. How could I be okay knowing that my father loved my brother and didn't love me at all?

I could have lied to her but she would have known the truth. So I just said, "No."

I expected her to try to comfort me so I was surprised and yet grateful when she didn't. She probably knew there was nothing she could say that would make me feel okay about the situation so she said nothing instead. We just sat there watching the sun slowly begin to set beyond the lake while passing the bottle of firewhisky between us until the sky grew dark and the alcohol ran out and there was only one thing left to do.

We danced it out.

I didn't feel better as we eventually dropped on to the edge of her bed in our usual fit of giggles. But I felt okay. And that was better than feeling hurt so I found myself grateful for yet another successful dance-out session.

But the thing I felt most grateful for was Alice.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

My team was bundled up in cloaks, scarves, hats, and gloves as we took the front row of the stands we had long dubbed as our own. It was lightly snowing and the wind was biting but I barely took notice of any of it as I listened to Rose's chattering teeth introduce the two teams.

"Aw, look, there goes a team made up entirely of Fred's bedmates," I teased as Hufflepuff soared through the air. I ducked as Fred attempted to smack me in the head.

"And look, there goes the other team made up entirely of people who despise you," Fred retaliated.

"That is so not what Hattie said yesterday afternoon," I smirked.

I didn't duck fast enough that time and his gloved hand met the back of my head.

"Bets on who wins?" Jax spoke up, glancing around the group.

"Hufflepuff," Fred said immediately.

"He didn't ask who you _want_ to win," Sadie drawled. "I'm going with Slytherin. Reese is an insane keeper."

"I'm going with Hufflepuff," I argued. "Reese may be one of the better keepers in the school but Hufflepuff's chasers are a more unified unit than Slytherin's."

"Not by much," Alice argued. "I think it could go either way and it's hard to put a bet on it when we don't even know Isla's seeker capabilities."

"But we do know Bryce's," CJ spoke up. "So I'm going with Hufflepuff."

"My vote is with Hufflepuff, too," Jax agreed.

Hugo considered the possibilities before shaking his head and saying, "Slytherin. They ultimately have the better team."

We all turned to Cass who had yet to chime in. She broke away from her conversation with Miles with a shrug. "I'm with Alice on this one and I'm staying neutral."

"Slytherin all the way," Miles piped up.

I didn't know Miles West very well (or at all) but I suddenly didn't like him.

"You're only saying that because you have a massive crush on their keeper," Cass snorted.

But the boy had good taste.

As Miles rolled his eyes, the rest of us just laughed. "I tell you one time that I think she's good-looking and you're off thinking I have a thing for her. I don't, for the record."

"You'd be crazy not to. I'm pretty sure half the school has a crush on Reese Greengrass," Jax spoke up with a shrug. "It's nothing new."

"Including you?" my sister spoke up from where she sat on the either side of Hugo.

"I have a girlfr—actually, no I don't," Jax considered with a shake of the head. "I have a girl who I snog occasionally but we have yet to put a label on it."

"Do me a favor and keep it that way," I suggested. "Single team members are easier to deal with."

Alice rolled her eyes at me but Jax didn't seem to put off by it so I ignored her.

"Any chance we could stop gossiping long enough to watch the actual match?" Sadie drawled just as Rose announced that Ryleigh Carver scored the first goal of the game.

We fell into a comfortable silence then, cheering only when Hufflepuff scored and booing when Slytherin did. It was clear early on that I had been wrong. While Hufflepuff did have better teamwork, Reese's keeping skills made Slytherin the better overall team. The score was 110-50 in favor of Slytherin two hours into the match with no sign of the snitch.

"She's good," Alice murmured just as Albus scored again.

I glanced towards her curiously. "Who?"

"Isla," she explained. "Look how she only stays put in one place for a few minutes before flying elsewhere to keep watch. She's not even paying attention to the rest of the game. Her sole focus is on finding that snitch."

"That's hard to do," Sadie chimed in with a sigh, "Keep your attention off the actual game in favor of the snitch. Dammit."

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves," I argued. "She may be an expert in watching the snitch but not so great at actually catching it."

"Sounds like wishful thinking," Alice said with a smile, nudging me with her elbow.

I shrugged just as Hattie scored. I smiled but didn't cheer. It was hard being happy for one chaser on the team and hating the others but I had somehow managed to prioritize my feelings for them over the years.

I laughed as a bludger struck my brother's knee, ignoring the collective gasp from the stands.

"You're heartless," Alice smirked beside me with a shake of the head.

"He should have been watching where he was going," I retaliated with a shrug.

He called a timeout and I glanced around at my team. "I hope you are all taking notes. Slytherin clearly has the upperhand what with Reese killing it as keeper but if you ask me, our keeper is better. So there's a chance our match against them will come down to the chasers and seekers. And I may be biased here but I suspect our chasers could fly circles around those amateurs, one of which just got smacked by a bludger that wasn't even going all that fast."

"So basically you're telling me the game will wind up being on my shoulders," Sadie drawled.

"As opposed to all other Quidditch matches where the seeker doesn't matter?" Jax snorted.

"I'm saying," I interrupted, shooting them both a look, "That we have a really good chance at beating them, that's all."

"You do realize that that match is in March," Fred pointed out. "Can't we focus on Hufflepuff in January first?"

"What's there to focus on?" I questioned. "They're decent chasers but they can't get the quaffle past Reese. What makes you think they'll get it past Cass?"

"You're putting a lot of pressure on me here, Potter," Cass murmured.

"You can handle it," I said dismissively.

"Al is back in," Alice said, interrupting our conversation. I glanced towards the benches and sure enough, Albus was kicking off even though I could see the wince on his face. The game restarted and we settled back in to watch.

"My cousin scores again. Shocker. 140 to 70 in favor of Slytherin. Any chance this match could be wrapped up soon?" said Rose into the microphone. "It's freezing out here!"

I laughed along with most of the crowd. It took two more goals for Slytherin and one more for Hufflepuff before Rose's monotonous announcing filled with excitement as the snitch was spotted.

"Ooh bad luck for Zabini, the snitch is clear across the field," Rose was saying as my entire team got to their feet to watch in anticipation. "But damn she's fast! Is she fast enough or will Bryce beat her there?"

 _Beat her there, Bryce. BEAT HER THERE._

"AND BRYCE GETS THE SNITCH! HUFFLEPUFF WITH THE WIN, A FINAL SCORE OF 220 TO 160!" Rose's voice boasted.

The cheers that came from our mouths were louder than the entire stadium combined.

Okay, maybe that was an exaggeration but I felt such pride in knowing that I won my first match as Captain and my brother lost. It was petty and juvenile but I was going to ride out my high considering just the night before I was feeling pretty low and he was partly to blame for that.

As my cheers died out, I felt Alice's arms snake around my shoulders as she embraced me with an excited giggle. Grinning, I hugged her back knowing that her hug was only partly due to excitement for Hufflepuff, the other part reassurance for me that things really do have a way of working out in our favor sometimes.

"This calls for a party in the common room, don't you think?" I cried out to the entire team.

More cheers followed as we descended the stairwell, a goofy grin on my face the entire time.

Which disappeared the moment I heard my name being called out by the one person I would have preferred avoiding.

My father.

Stiffening, I slowly turned around and made my way towards my parents.

Continuing in the spirit of pettiness, I greeted them with, "I always told you he was a loser."

"James," my mother warned, which I expected.

I only shrugged, glancing towards my father who looked unamused. My eyes hardened just looking at him and I wondered if it was too late to just walk away from them. "Saw you cheering for Hufflepuff," he spoke. "Is that because you think you have a better shot against them in the finals or do you just love any opportunity to root against your brother?"

"Why can't it be both?"

He frowned. "You might find you'll miss your brother next year."

"Doubtful."

I wasn't al at all surprised that Mum chimed in then. "I didn't always get along with my brothers growing up but-"

"Please save the speech, Mum," I sighed. "I get it. They were overprotective and always on your case and at times you were convinced you hated them and now you all get along like way too many peas in a pod. I've heard this before, Mum."

She turned away from me with a frown, a mere flicker of sadness appearing in her eyes. I almost felt bad for cutting her off. Almost.

"I don't understand where this rivalry with your brother came from," Dad continued. "You two used to get along so well."

Many, _many_ years ago. Before he decided to upstage me in every aspect of life. "And now we don't," I muttered through gritted teeth. "So once again I say save the speech, Dad."

Mum sighed and Dad was smart to change the subject. "Well, I heard you were in your element during your first match," he said. "Your mother told me you were rather impressive. Teddy was quick to agree."

I shrugged again. "Too bad you weren't there to see for yourself."

He winced and it took him a few seconds before he said, "You could have asked me to come."

"That would insinuate I would have wanted you to come," I drawled.

Shock and frustration shone in his eyes and I pretended to ignore the sigh that escaped my mother's lips. "Looking forward to the holidays?" she asked, changing the subject once again. They were getting pretty good at that.

Was I looking forward to the holidays?

No.

Maybe.

Not sure.

On one hand, that meant quality time with a family I preferred keeping a distance from. On the other hand, that meant a break from classes and schoolwork.

It was definitely a toss-up.

"I am!" a new voice chimed in as Lily skipped up to us and immediately launched herself into hugs with the parental units.

What a total suck up.

"Me too if it means distance between you and Wood," I drawled. "You looked way too chummy in the stands."

She shot me a look. "He's coming to our Christmas Eve party."

"What!?" I exclaimed. "Since when? I didn't approve this!"

"You don't have to," she argued smugly. "Mum told Hugo it was fine to invite him."

I turned my glare on to my mother. "The party is supposed to be for _family_."

"Right, that's why the Scamanders and the Jordans and the Longbottoms and the Finnigans and the Thomases are always there, too," Lily snorted.

"Fine, family and family _friends_!"

"CJ is a friend."

" _When I kill him, he won't be_."

She rolled her eyes at me. I remember a time when she used to listen to my advice. When the hell did that change?

"Someone's being dramatic," Mum spoke with a chuckle.

"If James doesn't think this guy is good enough for Lily, maybe we should listen to him," Dad said with a hint of a smirk.

"Oh for Merlin's sake!" Lily groaned. "He's just a bloody friend! And I wasn't even the one who invited him, _Hugo_ is. Maybe we should be concerned that Hugo might be gay. Has anyone thought of that?"

"Ooh, why? Is CJ gay?" I spoke, my eyes lighting up. "Merlin, that would make my life so much easier!"

Lily threw her hands in the air with a groan before storming off, leaving both myself and Dad behind holding back our laughter.

"You two are intolerable," Mum sighed, though that only made us laugh harder.

It was moments like these when Dad and I were ganging up on Lily that I actually felt as if things were okay between us. But those moments usually only lasted a few seconds. Minutes maybe. And then we went right back to being awkward around one another.

"Lily is fourteen," Mum continued over our laughter. "She's going to start dating soon."

"Not if I have anything to say about it!" I grunted.

"Yeah, not if James has anything to say about it!" Dad added.

"Or me," Albus spoke as he limped up beside us with Kat at his side, his face coated in sweat even with the chill in the air. "Who is Lily dating?"

"No one yet but I am definitely keeping a close watch on CJ Wood," I muttered. I glanced towards my brother as a slight smirk filled my face. "Good game, bro."

Both he and Kat glared at me in unison as if they had practiced. "Shouldn't you be off consoling Hattie right about now?" he drawled.

That suggestion did have its appeal…

"Nah, I was planning on having a celebratory party in the Gryffindor common room in favor of the better team today. Go Hufflepuff!" I cheered.

" _James_ ," Mum sighed.

"We were up by ninety points. I'd hardly call them the better team," Kat spoke.

I shot the blonde a look, not at all surprised that she was speaking on behalf of my dipshit of a brother. "Yeah, and remind me again who won?" I smirked.

"Just wait until we play you in March," Albus snapped. "We'll know then who the better team is."

"I already know we're the better team," I snapped right back. "I don't need to beat you in March to figure it out."

"Boys," Dad finally intervened, his gaze stern with warning.

I shot my brother a final glare before saying to my parents, "I've got a party to get to. See you guys at Christmas."

I heard Mum call out my name but I ignored her as I turned on my heel and headed towards the exit with the rest of the school. I was searching for familiar faces from my own team, but came across a sulking Reese Greengrass instead.

"Hey," I greeted with a slight nod. "Bad luck out there."

She narrowed her eyes at me. "Don't tell me you've suddenly learned the art of compassion."

I decided not answering her was a better option. "Your team may have lost but you were the clear winner on that pitch, Baby Girl," I urged. "You blocked quaffles out there that should have theoretically been goals. Would have been, had anyone else been blocking the hoops."

"And all that matters is that Isla couldn't firm up the win for us," she drawled.

I shrugged. "True but your team put up a hefty amount of points today. That's going to help you in the end."

She looked at me with a slight shake of the head. "I'm not entirely sure why you're standing here trying to make me feel better when you could be gloating."

I laughed. "I guess I'm all gloated-out after shoving the loss in my brother's face," I teased.

She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, you definitely haven't learned the art of compassion."

"Yeah, that really didn't sound like me," I said with a knowing grin. "If you're looking to get blackout drunk tonight, feel free to stop by the Gryffindor Tower."

She looked at me like I was crazy. "I'd rather gnaw off my arm with my own teeth than join you giddy Gryffindors in celebrating our loss."

I smirked. "You're rather feisty after a loss, Baby Girl."

"Bite me, Potter."

I could only laugh as she met up with Isla and the two of them disappeared up to the castle. I slowly trekked after them, thinking back to my somewhat caustic conversation with my parents. Then again, what conversation with them wasn't caustic? It felt like every time I had any sort of conversation with them, I walked away with more frustration than I thought was even possible. It wasn't like anything they had said wasn't something I had heard a million times so why did I always manage to let them get under my skin?

Halfway back to the castle, I felt a hand on my shoulder. Glancing behind me, I let out a sigh of relief to know it was only Alice.

"Hey," I said, nudging her with my hip. "What do you say we get completely plastered tonight, so much that we forget our own names?"

She looked at me curiously. "Any particular reason why?"

"Why do I need a reason?" I taunted.

She bit down on her bottom lip. "Saw you chatting with your parents."

Fuck.

"You okay?"

I rolled my eyes. "I will be once I get so plastered tonight that I forget my own name."

Alice hesitated before allowing the subject to drop. "Someone once said that your problems can't be fixed with alcohol."

"That someone must not have had nearly enough firewhisky in their vicinity."

Her upper lip twitched. "Alright, fine, let's get our hands on that firewhisky, shall we?"

I linked my arm in hers. "Oh yes, we shall."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

An odd sort of crowd had formed in the Gryffindor common room. I was on my fourth or fifth drink when we decided to move some of the couches together so they formed a circle and we could all hang out together. The entire Quidditch team was there, including Sadie which I found incredibly perplexing, along with all of the seventh years, including Parker Jessup which I found incredibly annoying. On the same couch with Sadie and Parker sat Kenley and Lena who were weirdly enough not offering up stuck-up, annoying comments every few seconds (though perhaps the alcohol was just making them tolerable). Rose, Jax, Harley, Jett, and Laikyn were all squished on to one of the couches while my sister, CJ, Hugo, Rayne, Miles, and Cass were lounging on another (I was pleased to see that Rayne was sitting on CJ's lap and not my sister). That left me, Fred, Dash, Shayne, and Alice on the fourth and final couch.

Two bottles of firewhisky, a bottle of halo-gin, an empty bottle of mead, and a bottle of red rum were laid out on the table in front of us. Harley and Jett were currently arguing over their intended New Year's Eve plans as I reached over for one of the firewhisky bottles and took a swig.

"Why would I want to ring in the New Year with your parents?" Harley groaned.

"It's not just my parents," Jett argued. "It's a block party. Tons of other people will be there."

"Tons of other adults you mean because all the kids our age will be out hitting up the clubs."

"Think of this this way: free liquor."

She hesitated. "You couldn't have led with that?"

A ripple of laughter spread throughout the abnormal crowd. "You're more than welcome to join us, Harley," I chimed in, nodding at Harley. "We'll be some of those kids your age hitting up the clubs."

"Oy, you already had your shot with her, Potter, and you failed," Jett retaliated.

As more laughter surrounded me, I rolled my eyes. "I wasn't hitting on your girlfriend, Thomas," I drawled, raising my voice to speak over the laughter. "And for the record, I _chose_ to fail."

"Ah, yes, what a perfect gentleman you are," Rose snorted with the roll of her eyes.

I shot her a look. "Oh, you really want to get into that again?"

"Wherever you guys wind up on New Year's Eve, let me know," Jax spoke up, stopping Rose from responding with what I could only imagine would have been a snarky retort.

"Or you could spend it with me and my family," Laikyn spoke up with a hopeful smile.

Did she just suggest her non-boyfriend meet her family? Was she trying to send Jax running to the hills?

"Already meeting the family, hm?" Fred smirked with wiggled eyebrows, clearly reading my own mind. "Must be serious between you two."

"Serious?" Rose chimed in with an incredibly loud snort. "They're not even bloody dating."

Jax glared at her but it was Laikyn who responded. "And when was the last time a man showed any interest in you, Weasley? Oh, that's right, _never_."

I smelled a girl fight coming on.

"I'd hardly call Jackson a man," she drawled.

"And I'd hardly call you anything except a bitch," Jax retorted.

" _Hey_ ," Hugo warned, shooting the older boy a glare.

"Don't bother, Hugo," Rose interjected with a cool shrug. "He's not worth wasting your breath on."

"I seriously can't keep up with you two," I spoke, glancing back and forth between Jax and Rose. "One minute, everything is fine and the next minute, you're at each other's throats. Couldn't you just choose one or the other and stick to it?"

"Sure," Rose spoke coolly, pulling herself abruptly off the couch. "I choose the latter."

And with that, she disappeared up the stairs.

An awkward silence fell over the group before Parker spoke up. "I feel like I should be taking points off Bloch for using unnecessary language."

"I feel like I should be taking points off you for being an obnoxious bore," I retaliated.

Alice elbowed me. "You're not a prefect."

"Fine, then you do it."

Alice rolled her eyes. "No one is taking any points off. It's a Quidditch after-party. Rules are allowed to be bent."

Our Head Girl, ladies and gentlemen.

"It's not Gryffindor's after-party," Kenley pointed out, the bottle of halo-gin halfway to her lips.

"It's still a celebratory party," Fred offered.

"Who says? Maybe I wanted Slytherin to win today," she responded.

I knew I hated her.

"Oh, please. Do you honestly want to see Slytherin win _another_ bloody Cup?" I snapped.

She hesitated before shaking her head. "You're right. To hell with Slytherin."

I knew I didn't hate her.

Grinning, I gestured for her to pass the halo-gin. She obliged.

"Hey, you know what that empty bottle of mead would be good for?" Fred contemplated with a bit of a wicked smirk on his face.

"No," Alice said almost immediately.

"No fucking way," Shayne chimed in.

"You're mad, Fred," Dash spoke.

No one else said anything which made me think that either they didn't hang around Fred enough or they were agreeable to the idea.

"What are you talking about?" Cass asked when no one else did.

Fred opened his mouth but Alice cut him off. "Doesn't matter. We're not doing it."

I chuckled silently while Fred responded. "C'mon, AliCat, this is your chance to snog me and figure out what all the hype is around this school."

"I'd rather snog the couch cushion."

"Oh, for bloody sake, you want to play Spin the Bottle?" Lily groaned with a vigorous shake of the head. "What are you, twelve years old?"

As both Fred and I erupted into laughter, I took note of the various reactions around me. Parker and Sadie both rolled their eyes (don't know why; this was their opportunity to actually find out what snogging was like), Dash grinned which earned him a smack to the chest by Shayne, Jett and Harley were both shrugging as if they were indifferent to the idea, Kenley was laughing and Lena's eyes were glowing eagerly, Jax was staring anywhere but at Laikyn who was glaring at him, Miles looked mildly ill and Cass was smiling though I couldn't get a read on her expression, Alice's arms were folded over her body irritably, and the four fourth years looked like they suddenly regretted joining us in the first place.

A laugh died on my lips as I glanced over at my sister with a grunt. "Hold up, does that mean you were playing Spin the Bottle when you were twelve years old?"

She rolled her eyes. "I love that that's your takeaway."

" _Why are you avoiding the question?_ "

"Well, we've gotten to that time of night where my brother is annoying and my cousin is suggesting illicit snogging games. I think that's my cue to head upstairs," Lily said, pulling herself off the couch with a mere shrug. "You coming, Rayne?"

The black-haired fourth year glanced at CJ and Hugo hesitantly before shrugging and jumping off CJ's lap to follow Lily upstairs.

"Well, now that my sister is gone, who's up for playing a rambunctious game of Spin the Bottle?" I smirked.

I ducked as a swarm of pillows attacked me.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

It was the Thursday before the holidays and I could tell my team was all exhausted so I was nice enough to keep practice short.

"Ending practice early is my Christmas gift to all of you," I spoke as we all piled into the clubhouse. "But I won't be going so easy on you when we're all back in January. We'll only have four weeks until our next match and I'll expect all of you to work harder than ever."

"Could your Christmas gift to us be to _not_ give us some boring speech?" Jax whined.

I shoved him into the lockers.

"Laps when we get back from break, Bloch!"

He groaned.

"So enjoy your holidays," I continued as we all began to peel off our top layers, "But don't go too crazy on the sweets and the alcohol! I don't need any of you coming back flabby and lethargic."

"Flabby my arse," Fred said, puffing out his chest. "These abs are rock hard."

We all laughed when Alice punched him in the stomach and he keeled over with a groan. "Seems a bit soft to me," she teased.

"Ow," he wheezed, pouting as he dropped on to the bench.

"I don't want any of us getting comfortable just because Hufflepuff wasn't at their best during the last match," I continued speaking, though I could tell my team was barely listening. "They might have won but I can't imagine any of them are very pleased with the way they played. Which means they're going to try to prove themselves next match. They're going to come out with a vengeance and we need to be ready to show them that we can't be beat."

No one said anything as they all continued tossing article of clothing into their lockers with the occasional stifled yawn.

"Are any of you actually listening to me?" I barked.

"Beat Hufflepuff, blah blah blah, don't get comfortable, blah blah blah, win win win, blah blah blah," Alice said. "Something along those lines."

"I'm fairly certain that there were actual words within those blah blah blahs," I drawled.

She chuckled. "How about you just wish us a Happy Holidays and you save the speech for January?"

"I'm just trying to say that-"

"We know what you're trying to say," she cut me off with a smile. "But we only have to get through one more day of classes before we can enjoy break and some of us are hanging on by the tiniest of threads and you droning on about the same shit you've been droning about for weeks and _will_ be droning on for another few weeks come January is nothing any of us particularly want or need to deal with at the moment."

As the rest of the team cheered in agreement, I rolled my eyes and said, "Fine. Have a Happy freaking Holidays."

More cheers plus laughter filled the locker room as Alice came over and hugged me. "I knew there were times you listened to me."

"For the record, you're doing fifteen laps when we get back from break."

"For the record, you're not going to make me actually do those laps."

For the record, she was right.

She was always right.

I hated it when she was right.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

It was one of those rare occasions where instead of her nose buried in a book, Alice was finishing up with a sketch she had started earlier in the week of the team huddled together in the locker room before practice. And what was I doing? Schoolwork.

How the hell did that happen?

"Okay, how is it that you're sitting there all relaxed with a pencil and sketchpad in your hand and I'm stuck trying to figure out the metaphysical elements of a bloody shield charm?"

Alice glanced from where she lay on her bed. "Because I was smart enough to finish that essay two nights ago and not trying to complete it the night before it's due?"

"So what I'm hearing is, that essay is probably somewhere in this room?" I mused, my eyes instinctively migrating towards her desk.

She rolled her eyes. "You already have two-thirds of the essay written. You're almost done and hey, when you finish it, I may even reward you with a sugar coma in the kitchens."

That intrigued me. Glancing down at my parchment, I said, "Guess I'll be writing in incredibly large letters for the rest of this essay."

She tried not to laugh but I saw the edges of her mouth tilt upward. "Have you mentioned yet the only spell that the shield charm can't protect against?"

I grinned at her. "You're a bloody genius."

I wrote about the killing curse and then finished the essay with a few sloppy words about the feel of the charm coming from a person's wand before tossing the essay aside. "Done!"

Alice looked at me skeptically. "That was fast."

"I'm a fast writer."

"Or you half-assed it."

"Were you under the impression that I wouldn't?" I gaped.

She rolled her eyes but closed her sketchpad and placed it on her nightstand. "C'mon, let's go get some chocolate."

As we wandered the halls, Alice brought up a particular subject I had been waiting for all week. "So," she spoke, clearing her throat, "Holiday break in two days."

I said nothing, only responding with a sullen nod.

"Don't look so gloomy," she said, nudging me with her elbow. "You like the holidays, remember?"

"The actual holidays, yes," I agreed. "The days in between where it's just me and my joke of a family, not so much."

"Oh, don't be so dramatic. Everything will turn out just fine," she dismissed.

(Everything didn't turn out fine. But more on that later.)

"Says the girl who gets along swimmingly with her own family," I reminded her. Hesitating, I added, "Though how that's possible with a headcase like AJ, I'm not sure."

She shoved me, this time with a laugh. "Do you have to have a rivalry with everyone?" she teased.

I considered the question. "Not you."

She snuck a peek my way. "And for that, I'm glad."

"I'm the one that should be glad," I pointed out. "You should have run away screaming from me years ago."

Her laughter echoed in the corridor. "If my sister had her way, I would have."

"And you wonder why I don't like her."

Another laugh fell from our lips as we descended the stairwell into the basement. We wandered through the hallway silently before reaching the portrait of the fruit bowl. I tickled the bear and the portrait swung open. We descended the stairs into the kitchen and were almost immediately bombarded by a pair of house elves.

"I think we're interested in some of your famous double-fudge brownies, Figgy," Alice spoke to one of them.

"It would be our honor, miss," Figgy the house elf wheezed before shuffling off to begin preparation.

We dropped down into the simulated Gryffindor table and Alice used that time to say, "You know that should you need a break from your family, the Leaky Cauldron is always open for business."

"No it's not. You close at three in the morning."

She glared at me and I couldn't help but grin. " _You know what I mean_ ," she groaned.

I nodded. "Yeah, I do," I said, suddenly growing serious. "And thank you."

She smiled at me and said, "Anytime."

The chocolate didn't make me forget about having to go home for the holidays in two days. But spending the night laughing with Alice almost did.

Almost.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

It was a Peasley tradition the night before the holidays to sneak off grounds into Hogsmeade and pull an all-night of drinking and dancing only to return to Hogwarts just in time for the train to take off. It had actually been started by Teddy during his sixth year of Hogwarts but we've all continued the tradition as we got older. Fred and I first joined in with the tradition our fourth year when seventh-year Dominique and her friends invited us. Molly and Louis had gone, too. There was a group of about twelve of us my first time and we shut down the bar that night. It was one of those nights I decided I didn't hate having a large family all that much.

I had been very against inviting Lily but Fred said it was tradition to invite our cousins during their fourth year so he had extended the invite to her and Hugo. Even Rose was tagging along, which shocked me since she had opted out the past two years, but maybe she was beginning to realize that sitting alone on a Friday night was less than ideal.

We couldn't all go at once because we knew a group of twenty people wandering the halls would arise suspicion so I took off to the pub with Fred, Alice, and Dash a little before eight o'clock knowing that the rest of the group would join up at their leisure.

"FREEDOM!" I exclaimed as we entered the Pumpkin Patch.

"Freedom smells an awful lot like day-old whisky," Fred commented as he and I started pushing tabletops together to form one continuous table large enough to accommodate us all.

"Who the hell cares what it smells like as long as it doesn't smell like schoolwork," I teased.

"You spend such little time on schoolwork, I hardly think you're the expert on what it smells like," Alice pointed out. She hadn't taken a seat yet. "I'll get the first round. Lager, halo-gin, and firewhisky for you three?"

We all nodded and she disappeared up to the bar. I glanced over at Dash and said, "Couldn't drag Shayne with you tonight, hm?"

"She had to finish packing," he said with a shrug. "She said she'd tag along with Rose or Jax later."

"Rose _or_ Jax?" I contemplated. "They still fighting?"

"Actually no, that would mean they are talking to each other," Dash said with a shrug. "Instead, they're giving each other the silent treatment."

That was probably for the best. "What is with those two?" I groaned.

"A question we'd all like an answer to."

Sighing, I turned my gaze on Fred and asked, "Did you find out if my brother was planning to show or not?"

Fred shrugged. "Rose wouldn't give me a straight answer which makes me think that yeah, he'll show up."

"Great," I muttered. I already had to spend the next two weeks with him. I didn't need to spend my last night before trekking home with him, too.

"Rose also informed me that my baby sister is bringing bloody Keppler," Fred growled.

I scoffed. "Then he should expect me to hex him all night."

"I figured you'd have your hands full hexing CJ all night," Fred smirked.

My eyes narrowed. "Fucking hell, Lily is bringing Wood?"

"Well, I think Hugo is," Fred spoke with a shrug. "But Hugo's coming with Lily so I guess yeah, you could say Lily is bringing CJ."

I grunted. "Fine, you hex Keppler. I'll hex CJ. We all win."

"Except for maybe Zig and CJ," Dash chuckled as Alice returned with our drinks.

"You keep your wands away from those two," Alice scoffed, sliding each of us our drinks. "Let your sisters have a little bit of fun, won't you?"

"Fuck no" was my immediate response and Fred nodded vigorously.

She sighed. "I'm thinking I got lucky not having an older brother."

"Except you have James who is just as bad if not worse than an older brother would be," Dash pointed out with a chuckle.

"Oy, I don't know what you're talking about," I huffed. "I'm a delightful human being."

Three blank stares was the immediate response quickly followed by boisterous laughter.

I sighed. "Yeah, somehow I didn't think any of you would buy that."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Party was in full swing by the time ten o'clock rolled around. Rose, Harley, and Jett had arrived a half hour later and Jax and Shayne showed up a few minutes after that, soon followed by Roxanne, Quinn, and Zig. Next to show up was Lily, Hugo, CJ, and Rayne. To my utter annoyance, my brother arrived with Kat and a few minutes later in walked Scorpius Malfoy with Reese, though to my surprise and yet delight Hattie was with them. I had mentioned the tradition to her in passing earlier that week but she hadn't given me a definitive answer so I was pleased to see she had decided to make it worth her while. Last to arrive were Cass and Miles who I had decided to extend a last-minute invite to when I came across them in the common room a few minutes before heading to the bar.

Half the group was on the dance floor while the other half was sharing hilarious holiday stories of years past. I was part of the second group.

"Remember when Hugo painted Crookshanks with red and green paint and Mum had a total fit?" Rose was chuckling.

"Meanwhile, your father was laughing along with everyone else," I reminded her, joining in with my own chuckle.

"I was three years old!" Hugo hugged.

"Was that the year Teddy brought Leighton to Christmas Eve dinner?" Fred mused.

" _Yes_!" Rose said with a laugh. "Vic threw a temper tantrum because she was convinced Teddy was going to replace her as his best friend with Leighton."

"Oh, yeah, that definitely sounds like her," I said with a nod and a chuckle. "She hated Leighton at the time."

"And now they're just as good friends as Leighton is with Teddy," Fred chuckled with a shake of the head.

"Do you remember when James caught Teddy snogging Vic at the train station?" Alice intervened with a smirk. "Their secret got blown up in seconds."

"How they thought it was possible to actually keep a secret in our family is beyond me," I huffed.

"You could have kept your mouth shut," Alice pointed out.

"There was no way in hell I was going to keep _that_ a secret," I argued.

"Didn't you say you'd move in with Albus and Teddy could have your room?" Rose said curiously.

I made a face, glancing towards the dance floor where Albus and Kat currently were. "Thank Merlin I didn't actually move in with Albus," I muttered. "One of us would be dead by now. I'm putting money on the fact that it would have been him."

An awkward silence filled the table before Dash spoke. "Remember when Teddy and Victoire announced they were pregnant at the Christmas Eve party three years ago and Lucy said 'no wonder she's so fat!'"

That had us all bursting into laughter at the reminder.

"I had never seen Uncle Percy so mortified," Rose giggled. "Or what about the time Louis started a food fight with Grandmum's wicked vanilla bean cake?"

"I thought Grandmum was going to ban him for life until she joined in with the food fight!" I laughed.

"I can't believe he wasted good cake like that," Fred said with a shake of the head.

"At least we got a good story out of it," Rose chuckled, finishing off her halo-gin and tonic. Jumping up, she said, "I'm grabbing more drinks. Anyone need anything?"

I declined but others gave her their drink orders as Reese interjected with her own story. "I remember when Scorpius dragged me to your infamous Christmas Eve shindig for the first time because he was tired of being the only one glared at."

"Ah, yes, Uncle Ron does have a way with the glares," I teased. "He came around to you though, Greengrass. Not sure how considering he has this rule of hating all Slytherins on principle."

"Oh, I regaled him with embarrassing stories of Scorpius as a child and had him laughing in no time."

Our table erupted in laughter as I shook my head in amusement. "Laughter is definitely one way to my father's heart," Hugo said with a mere shrug.

As the laughter died down, I grabbed my half-full firewhisky and cola and pulled myself off the bench, circling around the table and stopping in front of Hattie who had been rather quiet as we discussed our family's embarrassing stories.

She glanced up as I greeted her with a smile. "Dance?" I suggested.

She looked shocked but nodded. Finishing off her drink, she jumped off her barstool and followed me to the dance floor. I hexed both CJ and Zig, earning glares from my cousin and my sister, before settling into the back of the dance floor.

"Sounds like your family has a lot of fun over the holidays," Hattie said as we began swaying to the music.

I shrugged. "Yeah, I can it can be fun sometimes I suppose," I spoke half-heartedly. "What about you? What are your holidays like?"

She frowned hesitantly, turning away from my gaze as she glanced off into the distance at nothing in particular. "You really want to know?"

I looked at her inquisitively. "I asked, didn't I?"

She said nothing at first, the hesitance once again flickering in her eyes. Eventually, she spoke. "My father left us a few years back so it's mainly my mother getting drunk off champagne to forget how depressing the holidays are without him while my brothers cut out early to join up with their flavors of the week."

That was a whole lot of information in one sentence, none of which I had been expecting. "Er…"

She let out a smile, turning back to face me. "And you thought you had family issues. At least your family likes to be around each other."

I didn't really know what to say or do. I realized then I had stopped dancing and was just awkwardly standing in the middle of the dance floor at the same time that I realized I knew very little about Hattie Wilkes.

She was still staring at me. "You're wondering why I told you all that, aren't you," she said with a hint of a smile.

Slowly, I shook my head. "No, I'm wondering what I should say to all that."

"There's nothing to say," she spoke, grabbing my wrist as the next song started up.

I still didn't dance. "You want to come to my family's Christmas Eve party?" I blurted out.

She turned to me sharply. "What?"

I shrugged. "My family is full of nutjobs but that's what makes it so wildly entertaining."

She blinked. "I don't need your pity, James."

"It's not pity," I argued. "Everyone else always invites their friends to this shindig so I thought it was about time I joined in."

Her eyebrow slowly cut up into her forehead as she stopped dancing, too. Now we were just two awkward people standing in the middle of the dance floor, earning ourselves look from the other patrons. "Oh, is that what we are?" she drawled. "Friends?"

That was not a question I was looking to answer. "There's always a bunch of people around. One more won't make a difference," I said, evading the question. "And you'll know plenty of people. Half your Quidditch team is there, especially if Malfoy drags his cousins along. Evidently they all think hanging around our family on Christmas Eve is better than hanging around theirs."

She shook her head at me. "I'm not hesitating because I'm afraid I won't know anyone."

"Then why are you?"

She turned away from me, the edges of her mouth turned downward in faint confusion. Which I suppose I could understand because it wasn't every day I was inviting her over to my house, but if I could give her a night of holiday cheer that might make her feel better about Christmas, I wanted to do that for her.

Oh, hell, that almost made me sound like a decent guy.

"You never answered my question," she said.

I glanced at her. "What question?"

"Do you consider us friends?"

Oh, that question. The question I was hoping to avoid.

To be honest, I don't consider a lot of people my friends. Close acquaintances, yes. Mates, sure. But friends was a term I typically only associated with the two people I grew up with – Fred and Alice. But as I opened my mouth to tell Hattie that what was the purpose of putting a label on what we had, I found myself realizing that that putting a label on it is exactly what she wanted. And I couldn't exactly blame her. This year alone I had been jerking her around a bit, what with asking her to tag along to Hogsmeade with me and then crashing her second Hogsmeade visit and telling her about tonight's tradition.

"Yeah," I said with a shrug, realizing then that I meant it. "I consider us friends."

She looked surprised by that answer as she met my gaze. She said nothing, analyzing the situation carefully in her head like I knew she did when making any decision, before she slowly nodded. "Okay," she spoke softly. "I'll come to the party."

I grinned. "You're in for a real treat."

"Well yeah, I'll finally get to meet the famous Harry Potter," she teased.

I growled. "That's the only reason you're coming, isn't it."

She smirked. "That and I hear there will be wicked vanilla bean cake."

"Not if Louis starts a food fight with it."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I was stretched out on one of the train compartment benches, my head currently resting in Alice's lap as I inwardly cursed those last firewhisky shots Reese pushed on us. Squished at the end of the bench was Jax and across from me was Fred, Dash, and an already slumbering Shayne.

"Every year I complain that staying up all night drinking before getting on a moving train has to be the worst idea anyone's ever come up with," Dash bemoaned. "And yet every year, I continue to do it."

"Not next year," Alice pointed out with a bit of a frown.

That only made us more depressed.

"Why do you look so cheery?" I asked Fred, my eyes narrowing at him.

"Maybe I can hold my liquor better than you can."

"Lies!"

"Come to think of it, I don't recall even seeing you after midnight," Jax commented.

"That's because I had a bunch of Hufflepuffs waiting to wish me a Happy Holidays back at the castle," he smirked.

"They're all going to soon catch on to what you're doing," I pointed out.

"They haven't yet so I like my chances."

I rolled my eyes while Alice reached over to kick him in the shins.

He pulled his leg away just in time, a laugh spilling out of his lips. "Hey, have any of you ever noticed that all of the members of the Hufflepuff Quidditch team have names that start with the long 'i' sound?"

That earned him four identical looks of disbelief.

"Think about it," he continued. "Kye, Violet, Ryleigh, Bryce, Iris, Cider, Lionel. I mean, do you think that's a requirement for being on their team?"

We all continued to just stare at him.

"Hey, Isla Zabini would fit right into their team!"

"Except for the fact that she's a Slytherin," I reminded him.

"A minor technicality."

"I'd say that a pretty big technicality actually."

"Hey, it still makes it a rather profound discovery," he huffed.

"Nothing you ever say is profound," Alice snorted, her foot connecting with his shin that time.

"Let's talk about something that isn't completely inane," Dash spoke with the roll of the eyes. "Like, please tell me your grandmother will be making her incredible vanilla bean cake for the Christmas Eve party."

"When has she not made it?" Fred pointed out.

"Just making sure. I'm not coming if there's no cake."

"You sound like Hattie," I snorted.

That earned me four very confused looks.

"She said the same thing last night," I explained with a shrug.

The confusion gave way to surprise. "Why would she have said she wasn't coming if there was no cake unless she was contemplating coming in the first place," Fred mused.

Ah, I see my mistake.

Shrugging, I said vaguely, "I would think that would be obvious."

More silence until - " _You invited Hattie to our family's Christmas Eve party_?"

I shrugged again.

"Bloody hell, I've never even gotten an invite!" Jax whined.

I blinked. "Uh, do you want to come to this year's Christmas Eve party?"

"Well now it just sounds like a pity invite."

I merely shrugged. "You're more than welcome to come, Jax."

"You really invited Hattie?" Fred asked me, interrupting my conversation with Jax. "Have you gone completely mad? You showing up with a girl is asking for our entire family to jump down your throat."

"She's just a friend," I pointed out.

"I wouldn't call whatever the two of you are 'friends,'" Jax snorted.

"Nuh uh, we decided last night we were friends."

That earned me another round of shocked and confused looks.

I probably should have just kept my mouth shut.

"Look, she doesn't have an ideal holiday situation so I wanted to cheer her up," I sighed. "It's no big deal. Everyone else is bringing people. Why shouldn't I?"

"That almost sounded like you care," Dash spoke curiously.

"Nah, don't worry, my heart is still very much made of stone," I teased.

"I'm telling you, James," Fred sighed as he shook his head. "You're asking for trouble by bringing Hattie to the party."

"And I'm telling you it'll be fine."

Tense silence filled the compartment until Jax spoke. "And I'm telling you that I'm coming this year and I better get some damned cake."

All we could do was laugh.

"You know Rose will be there, right?" Fred pointed out with a smirk. "Aren't you guys in the middle of hating each other?"

"Your family can be its own population in a small village. I'm certain I'll be able to find other people to chat with."

"Count James out," Fred said with a shrug. "He'll be too busy dealing with the family's cross-examination to be able to hang out with others."

" _It'll be fine_."

Fred smirked, clapping me on the back. "In other words, you're doomed."

Yeah, I totally was.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

As we all lugged our trunks off the train, I felt a bit of dread at the prospect of meeting up with my parents. I had to imagine it would take no time at all before they started drilling me with questions about my schoolwork and the last thing I wanted to deal with on my break was stress.

"We hitting up a pub tonight?" Fred asked me as we both scanned the platform for our parents.

"Fuck yeah," I said with a sigh of relief. On the first night of break, Teddy, Louis, Fred, and I always found ourselves traipsing off to a pub to catch up with one another. Mum complained last year that I had just gotten home and was already out the door but I merely shrugged, told her not to wait up, and disappeared. Hopefully, she wouldn't bother with giving me grief this year. "Louis is traveling back from Ireland today but he said he should be there by eight."

"And Teddy?"

"He said he'd come by once he puts Dora to bed," I said. With a hesitant smile, I said, "Y'know, that little kiddo is one of the only good things about coming home for the holidays."

He shrugged "And vanilla bean cake. Don't forget about that."

"Who could forget about that?" I teased and Fred waved at us before jogging over to where his father was currently embracing Roxanne.

"Is AJ meeting you on the platform?" I asked Alice. "Or are you just apparating home?"

"Apparating. A large group was checking into the inn this afternoon so she couldn't get away."

"You could come with us," I suggested.

She rolled her eyes. "You only want me to tag along so you don't have to deal with your parents on your own."

"Well, duh. _You_ they like."

"Oh, stop being dramatic," she laughed. "They like you just fine."

"Yes, but they like you better."

"Of course they do. I'm cute and charming. What's not to like?"

"Exactly!" I whined. "Come be cute and charming to my parents so you can take the heat off me."

"How about I say hi before taking off?"

I let out an overdramatic sigh. "I guess it's better than nothing."

I saw my sister chattering away with my mother while Hugo did the same with Aunt Hermione. My dad and Uncle Ron were nowhere to be found which wasn't all that surprising.

"Happy Holidays!" Mum greeted, reaching over to embrace me. I decided to just let her instead of complaining about it being an embarrassment.

"Hi, Alice," Aunt Hermione said with a smile as Hugo finished his story on Astronomy class. "We're all heading out to dinner. Would you like to join us?"

"Thanks, but I told my sister I'd help with the Leaky Cauldron crowd tonight so I'll have to pass."

"Ah, responsibilities," my mother spoke curiously. "Any chance you could teach my son here the meaning of the word?"

Barely two minutes in and my mother was already making a crack at my supposed laziness.

This was going to be a long break.

I ignored the laughter that fell from the rest of my family and simply said, "In case you forgot, I'm Quidditch Captain. That comes with responsibilities."

My mother looked less them impressed by my logic but before she could comment, Aunt Hermione swooped in. "I was happy to hear about Gryffindor's first win," she said with a smile. "Well, actually, my husband was happy to hear about it. Quidditch was never really my thing I'm afraid."

"Yeah, Uncle Ron sent me a letter in all caps congratulating me on kicking Ravenclaw's talentless arses. His words, not mine."

Mum turned to me sharply. "You didn't tell me my brother wrote to you after the match," my mother said curiously.

I shrugged. It was more than I could say about her husband.

"The team is crazy good this year," Hugo chimed in, his eyes lighting up. "James knows what he's doing as Captain."

I beamed. "See?" I said, turning to my mother. " _Responsibilities_."

She chuckled just as Albus and Rose strode up to the group. "Wow, James, I wasn't aware you even knew that the word 'responsibilities' even existed," the latter smirked.

I decided the best way to retaliate was to reach over and put her in a headlock, of which she shrieked, Hugo and Lily laughed, Alice pretended not to notice, my mother and aunt groaned, and Albus just rolled his eyes.

"On that note," my mother sighed, "I think it's time for dinner."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

 **A/N:** And another chapter done. We're starting to dive more into Hattie and James (love them!) and I know some of you will once again comment on the nonexistent relationship between James and his father but of course I had to include that in this story because who doesn't love a little bit of teenage angst and conflict? Keep in mind, we are getting the story of their relationship entirely from James. We will get plenty more of the two of them as this story progresses.

Next up: Christmas! Just wait for what the holiday has in store for them all...


	12. I Hate Christmas Parties

**A/N:** Ah, thank you all for your wonderful reviews. They really encourage me to update more frequently. So here we are with the anticipated holiday chapter (or should I say one of 3 holiday - yes, that's right, you get three whole chapters of Christmas and New Year's Eve goodness!)

* * *

 **A Way With Words**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 12: I Hate Christmas Parties

" _I hate Christmas parties_ _  
_ _You offer me some punch_ _  
_ _But I just shrug_ _  
_ _I hate Christmas parties_ _  
_ _You and the cookie tray_ _  
_ _Both hear me say_ _  
_ _'Bah humbug.'"  
_ -Relient K

* * *

I held up my lager with a cheer as Louis strolled into the Diagon Alley pub that night with a goofy grin on his face. "It's been too long!" he called out, outstretching his arms playfully as he slid into the bench beside Fred.

"And I'm assuming you've been doing nothing but getting into trouble in our absence," Fred teased, clapping him on the back.

"Only way to live, Freddo," he smirked. "Next round is on me. Whatcha having?"

We ordered another round of drinks before diving into our usual gossip train.

"So, tell us, have you met Molly's new boyfriend yet?" I questioned curiously.

"Nah, she's been smart to keep her boy toy hidden," he said with a shrug.

"What about that sister of yours?" Fred asked. "She dating anyone new?"

"She was for a few weeks but she apparently got bored with him. Pretty sure she has some new guy on the hooks now."

Fred and I broke out into laughter. "Oh, yeah, that sounds like our Dom," I chuckled, shaking my head.

"Uncle George mentioned to me last week that that daughter of his might have her own boy toy," Louis spoke, his eyebrow shooting upward. "How the hell did you two let that slip through the cracks?"

We scowled in unison. "It's like he's immune to hexes!" Fred groaned. "I've sent him to the hospital wing a few times now and he's still pursuing my sister. What the bloody hell is wrong with him?"

"Clearly whatever Fred and I have been doing hasn't been working so maybe you could do some reconnaissance on Tuesday, Lou," I suggested. "Zig is apparently coming to the Christmas Eve party."

" _Does he have a death wish_?"

"Either that or he's a total nutjob," Fred huffed. "But you should really ask who Jameso here is bringing to the Christmas Eve party."

I glared at him as Louis' eyes lit up. "Come again?" he said eagerly. "Don't tell me you're into dating now?"

" _No_ ," I snorted, shaking my head. "It's just Hattie."

Louis' amusement was replaced with surprise. "Hattie Wilkes?" he drawled. "As in the girl you've been shagging for over a year now?"

"Shagging, yes. Dating, _no_."

He appeared to not be listening to me. "I can't imagine that the Code has been completely abolished this year or I would have heard about it so this is quite a predicament, isn't it."

"We're not dating!"

Fred chimed in again. "Oh, did you also know he took Hattie into Hogsmeade one weekend, too?"

" _You are so not helping, Fred_."

"You took Hattie Wilkes on a date to Hogsmeade!?" Louis gawked.

"No!" I groaned, shooting both my cousins a look before settling on Fred. "Why must you start shit, Freddo?"

He grinned, sipping his lager casually. "Because it's fun to watch you squirm, Jameso."

"You know what's also fun? Watching that drink of yours get thrown in your face," I drawled. "And how about we discuss how you've now officially slept with every player on the Hufflepuff team?"

Fred rolled his eyes as Louis swept in. "Isn't there a guy on the team?"

"Every _girl_ ," Fred clarified. Hesitating, he shook his head, "Wait, no, it hasn't been every girl. Bryce still has that Slytherin boyfriend of hers."

"When has a girl having a boyfriend ever stopped you from going after them?" Louis smirked.

Fred pretended to be offended but my laughter had the edges of his mouth turning upward. "Well, what about you, Loucifer? What girls have been getting you into trouble?"

Louis said nothing at first as a curious gaze came over him but before he could comment, we were interrupted by Teddy waltzing into the pub.

"Tedster!" the three of us cried out in what was almost a perfect unison.

Teddy chuckled as he slid into the bench beside me, grabbing ahold of my lager and chugging the rest of it. I scowled at him but he merely grinned. "Merlin, I needed that. Dora was a right pain tonight, refusing to go to sleep and Vic told me to handle it because she refused to let me go traipsing off drinking with the boys while she was forced to stay behind to do my dirty work."

We all stared at him before I glanced towards the other two and said, "Did you both stop listening after 'Merlin,' also, or was it just me?"

Teddy put me into a headlock which had us all laughing before he finally let go. "Can't imagine why I thought I missed you kiddos."

"Because we buy you drinks," Fred teased, signaling for the barmaid. She appeared by our sides moments later and Fred ordered another round.

"You're just in time," I said. "Louis was about to tell us about his latest hookups."

Teddy smirked into his drink, glancing over at Louis with a raised eyebrow. "Haven't told them yet?"

"I was about to when you walked in."

"Told us what?" I asked cautiously.

Louis shifted on the bench uncomfortably, busying himself with his drink. "Well," he said with a sheepish clearing of the throat, "It's kinda a long story…"

"Lou has a girlfriend," Teddy blurted out.

Louis glared at him but it went ignored as both Fred and I let out gasps of shock, the former sputtering out his drink. "How is that a long story?" I drawled. "Louis. Girlfriend. Story over. Weird as all fucking hell, but not a long story whatsoever."

Louis rolled his eyes and Fred used that time to chime in. "Weird as all fucking hell doesn't even begin to describe it," he argued. "You sure you're feeling alright, mate?"

Louis shot him a look. "We've only been dating for a few weeks. It's still new."

"I wasn't aware you knew the meaning of the word 'dating,'" I argued.

"I didn't until Olive came along," he said, a slight blush creeping into his cheeks.

"Olive Fischer?" I squeaked. "Your coworker who hates you?"

"Er…well, she doesn't hate me _now_."

"But she did at one point!"

"Yes, well now she doesn't," he chuckled.

Fred turned to me. "I think he's trying to say he's put a temporary stop to his bachelor ways, Jameso."

"I think so, too, Freddo."

"What should we do about that, Jameso?"

"Laugh and proceed to make fun of him for life?"

Fred laughed and Louis rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah, Loucifer does commitment. How hilarious," he drawled.

"Hilarious and unexpected," Fred chimed in, holding up his drink towards him. "Here I thought you'd be completely okay with being a bachelor for life."

"Hell, I thought we'd all be bachelors for life," I smirked.

"Not me," Teddy drawled.

"That's because you're crazy."

Teddy rolled his eyes. "I can't wait until the two of you get girlfriends."

I burst out into laughter and was slightly surprised that Fred hadn't done the same. Glancing over at him, he was just rolling his eyes. Shrugging, I said, "Just because you two jumped aboard the monogamy train doesn't mean we plan to."

"Says the guy bringing his shagging partner to our Christmas Eve shindig," Louis snorted.

"The crucial word being _shagging_ ," I grumbled.

"Wait, who are you talking about?" Teddy said, his eyebrows knitting together as he glanced around at all of us.

"Who do you think we're talking about?" I snorted.

He looked at the other two, both of whom were quite busy looking amused, before glancing back at me. "You invited Hattie Wilkes to your home for Christmas Eve?"

"Yes, and please don't make a big deal out of it like these fools keep doing."

"Ah, yes, because why would anyone make a big deal of you bringing a girl home," he chuckled.

"I'm not bringing a girl home!" I groaned, shaking my head at how blown out of proportion the tiny gesture seemed to be getting. "I'm just...bringing her to my house."

As if on cue, the three guys burst into laughter. "Oh, sure, because that's not the same thing at all," Fred laughed.

"It's not," I scoffed. " _We are just friends_. Please pass that message on to the rest of the family."

"Won't matter what message we pass on," Louis said with a shrug. "They will all draw their own conclusion, one which will have them assuming you've landed yourself in a relationship."

I shook my head in disbelief as I downed the rest of my beer. "In the spirit of needing a major subject change," I grumbled, "Are you planning on bringing your lucky lady to our Christmas Eve party?"

Louis snorted. "No fucking way."

Laughing, I said, "Smart move."

Two hours later, we were well on our way to a happy stage of drunkenness. Somehow Teddy had convinced us that doing shots was _not_ going to end well in any of our favors so we waived that option for a few more rounds of lagers. I had had at least five already and knew that I wasn't planning on stopping anytime soon.

"They chose a good replacement for you, mate," Teddy said to Louis. "The blonde hottie was on fire as keeper."

"That blonde hottie has a name," I pointed out. "And she's way too young for you!"

"I'm not looking to get with the girl," Teddy snorted. "I am married, y'know. To my own blonde hottie."

The rest of us immediately made faces. "Ew, that's my sister you're talking about," Louis groaned.

"Your hot sister."

Louis glared at him. "I'm seriously contemplating throwing this beer in your face."

Teddy chuckled and returned to the original subject. "Gryffindor has a great setup this year. You guys really have a strong chance of winning."

"Didya hear that my brother lost his match?" I said with a grin that was probably too smug.

Teddy rolled his eyes. "Yeah, your Dad told me. And you appear to be taking too much pleasure from that."

I shrugged. "So far, I think it's pretty obvious who the better Captain is," I boasted.

"Yeah, me," Louis snorted.

"That's in the past, mate," I argued.

"And it sounded to me as if Slytherin has a rather decent team, they just lost because of the snitch," Teddy pointed out.

I shot him a look. "They still lost."

Teddy was smart enough not to harp on it. "Vic said she was hoping we could all come and see your match in March, perhaps if Dora is less fussy."

"Why not our February match?" Fred suggested.

"Do you want to deal with a crying infant stuck out in the freezing cold for two hours and my wife who will try to pawn her off on me?"

"I wouldn't have to deal with it. I'd be up in the air out of earshot," he smirked.

"Hey, maybe a crying baby will distract the Hufflepuffs," I said with a grin. "You should really try to convince Vic to come."

Teddy chuckled but shook his head. "No way, she's already been moody enough lately as it is, snapping at me for the stupidest things and then crying because she thinks she's hurt my feelings. Women, am I right?"

As Fred and I laughed, Louis shook his head and said, "Sounds like the way she was acting when she was pregnant with Dora."

Fred and I only laughed harder but we stopped when we noticed Teddy's face growing white. "Holy fuck."

The three cousins exchanged a shocked look before I raised my glass with an awkward grin. "Er…congratulations?"

"How…but…what…" Teddy stuttered. "Oh, no. _Oh, no._ No, no, no!"

"So I think it's safe to assume you two weren't planning for another kid?" Fred suggested with a sheepish shrug.

"Not yet we weren't!" he moaned, bringing his hands up to his face.

"Okay, I gotta ask," Louis said with the shake of his head, "How does a girl get _accidentally_ pregnant these days? There are contraception charms and birth control potions and condoms. Sounds pretty fool-proof to me."

Teddy lifted his head out of his hands to glare at the redhead. "She's on the bloody birth control potion, you dickwad!"

"Dude, that potion is only 95% effective," I reminded him. "You gotta have backup precautions."

" _Are all three of you looking to get throttled tonight_?"

I glanced at the other two. "Er…I don't think we're helping the situation."

"I hope it's a boy," Fred mused.

"Ooh, me too!" Louis said, his eyes lighting up. "I call dibs on buying him his first beer!"

"I want to teach him Quidditch!" Fred said.

Teddy groaned. "We don't even know the sex yet," he said with the roll of the eyes. Hesitating, he added, "Hell, we don't even know that Vic is actually pregnant!"

"Has she felt ill at all recently?" Louis questioned.

Teddy blanched.

Louis smirked in response.

"You should name him James Jr.," I suggested.

"Nuh uh, Fred Jr.!"

"Dude, you are a Fred Jr."

"Er…right. Fred Jr. Jr. then."

"That's called Fred the Third, you dolt."

"Ooh, I like the sound of that," Fred grinned. Pausing, he said, "Wait, aren't you also a James Jr.?"

Oh, right.

"LOUIS JR.!" Louis cried out, interrupting the ridiculous conversation I was having with Fred.

"Your sister is not naming her kid after you," I huffed.

"Well, she's not naming it after you!"

"Why not? James is a much better name."

" _We don't even know if she's pregnant yet_ ," Teddy groaned.

"Shh, you stay out of this," I teased, patting his head playfully.

Teddy sighed. "Maybe Vic and I will move to a remote country far away from all of you. I hear Australia is nice."

"Right, and lose out on your free babysitters?" I snorted. "No way."

Teddy hesitated. "James the Third does have a nice ring to it."

Victory is mine.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"JAMES, STOP EATING ALL OF THE APPETIZERS!"

I cowered at my grandmother's screeches, whirling around as she entered the kitchen, fuming. "Can't help myself, Grandmum. Your cooking is the best thing I've ever tasted."

She gave me a sour look. "Flattery isn't going to get you out of helping with the decorations."

Dammit.

I wiped my hands on the sides of my slacks, earning a stern look from my grandmother, and said, "Alright, fine. What do you need my help with?"

"Your sister is struggling with the garland on the bannister. She could use some help with someone who is able to use their wand."

I was smart enough to leave the kitchen then before she found another less appealing job for me to do. Wandering through the dining room, I met up with Lily in the foyer. Glancing up at the crooked green garland that lined the stairwell bannister, my eyebrow shot up immediately. "Well, we could always say Dora was in charge of hanging the garland."

She turned to glare at me from the middle step. "Fuck off. I'm trying to get this done quickly so I can actually have time to finish getting ready for tonight."

My eyes narrowed. "How much time do you need? There's no one you should be trying to impress. CJ is gay, remember?"

I ducked as a roll of ribbon was chucked at my head.

"Just because you like the just-rolled-out-of-bed look doesn't mean the rest of us do," she drawled.

I made a face. "I'd love to be back in my bed right now," I murmured.

She rolled her eyes. "Could you please just fix the garland for me?"

I chuckled and pulled out my wand, levitating the garland before wrapping it around the bannister evenly.

Lily stepped back with a sigh of relief. "Thanks. If Grandmum asks, I'm helping Al."

"What is Al doing?"

"Hell if I know. I'm not actually going to be helping him but Grandmum doesn't need to know that," she said, swiftly taking the stairs by two and disappearing down the hallway.

"Well, don't you look nice."

I turned around as Mum entered the foyer from the library, a smile on her face as she walked over to me. She straightened my tie before glancing up at the garland. "Oh, good, you helped Lily with the garland," she said with a grimace. "It was starting to look like a trainwreck."

"I was all for convincing people Dora was in charge of it."

She laughed before glancing down at my curiously. "So, who is this girl you're bringing tonight?"

It had been a severe mistake asking if I could bring Hattie to the party. I should have just had Hattie show up without bothering to ask. My parents would have been none the wiser.

"She's just a friend," I said with the roll of my eyes.

Mum's lips pursed. "That's not exactly how Al described it."

I growled. "Al doesn't know a damned thing about my personal life."

"She is his teammate."

"So what? It's not like I'm up close and personal with all my teammates. What they do in their own time has nothing to do with me."

She chuckled. "Except for Alice and Fred."

I rolled my eyes. "That's different. Al is hardly best buds with Hattie."

My mother studied me for a few seconds, clearly trying to make me feel as uncomfortable as possible, before saying, "You've just never seemed to have much interest in bringing a girl around here."

I couldn't help but roll my eyes for a second time. "She's not a girl, she's a friend."

"She's a girl who's a friend," Mum corrected.

"Yes, key word being 'friend."

She didn't look convinced, her eyes coating with hesitation as her head tilted to the side with an air of hesitance. "Just…" she trailed off with a shrug. "Be careful."

I blinked. "Er…with what?"

"Hattie," she said with a mere nod. "I don't want to see either of you get hurt."

I could only roll my eyes. The whole idea of casually shagging with no strings attached was so that no one could get hurt.

Not that I was about to tell my mother that.

"We're just friends," I repeated.

She sighed, slipping past me and heading up the stairwell. "You forget that I was young once, James," she spoke, glancing over her shoulder at me. "I know what having ' _friends_ ' means."

With a smirk, she disappeared up the stairs and I was left wondering what kind of 'friends' my mother had when she was younger.

Right before I decided I really didn't want to know.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

An hour later, Potter Manor was swarming with people. My parents had purchased a large house in the second year of their marriage knowing that they wanted a place that they could fill with a lot of guests. They started hosting a Christmas Eve party for family and friends before I was born and it had been a tradition ever since.

No one that I particularly cared to be around had showed up yet. Rose, Hugo, and their family showed up eventually and while the adults were put to work with final touches, Rose and Hugo escaped upstairs to hide out in Albus and Lily's rooms respectively. I asked Rose if she knew if Jax was in fact coming and while she at first said who the hell cared, she did confirm he'd be by around eight o'clock. That had me wondering how she knew that when she was clearly still pissed at him, but before I could ask she also said that Malfoy and Reese would be by at some point, possibly with Isla, too. The Scamanders were there so I made it a point to say my obligatory holiday greetings to my godmother and her family. Uncle Percy and Aunt Audrey showed up exactly at seven o'clock with their two children in tow and I was disappointed to see that Molly had shown up without her boy toy before she told me he'd be coming by later. Fiona Jordan had wandered through the door (looking as gorgeous as ever) with her father, Lee, and her mother, Katie. Fiona and I spoke briefly – she asked about Quidditch, I gave her the rundown and told her Rose had replaced her as announcer, and then she got swept up by the mob that is my family and I let her go, pretending not to think about the time she and I shagged behind the toolshed over the summer. Uncle Bill and Aunt Fleur wandered in next without their kids, but I was reminded that they had all moved out so were probably coming on their own.

No sign of Alice, Louis, or Fred yet. Or Hattie. Or Jax. Or Dash. Or Reese. Or anyone I'd be interested in actually chatting with that wasn't just aimless small talk.

So I was relieved when Teddy finally wandered through the door with Victoire and Dora. I made a beeline towards them. "Happy Holidays!" I greeted.

Victoire sent a surprisingly nasty look towards me. "Take your goddaughter," she huffed, thrusting Dora into my arms. "If you need me, I'm going to be camped out by the buffet all night."

She took off then and I was distracted for a moment, blowing kisses against Dora's cheeks and smiling at her high-pitched laugh. Eventually, I turned towards Teddy with a curious look. "Your wife appears to be in a very pleasant mood."

He sighed, running his fingers through the ends of his hair which I only now just noticed was a bright shade of green. "Apparently it's my fault she's pregnant," he muttered.

My eyebrow shot up. "Aha, so it's been confirmed."

He nodded sullenly. "It has."

"And how is it your fault?" I chuckled. "Last I checked, it took two people to have sex."

Teddy shrugged.

Hesitating, I said, "Unless she was on bottom and she just lay there while you did all the work."

Teddy shot me a look. "I am not discussing our sex life with you."

I smirked but was once again distracted by Dora when she tugged at the end of my hair. Laughing, I turned my attention on to the two-year-old. "Can you say 'James,' Dora? _James_?"

"Yilly."

Teddy broke out into laughter while I scoffed, turning around as Lily bounced into the foyer, pressing a kiss to the kid's forehead.

"What the hell are you wearing?" were my first words to my sister.

She rolled her eyes, ignoring me. But the question was valid. She was wearing a pair of heels that made her far taller than she should have been, her emerald green sequined dress was way too short and the straps on it were barely existent. _It was December, for Merlin's sake_!

"You look beautiful, Lily," Teddy spoke, leaning over to press a kiss to her cheek.

I shot him a look. "Oy, whose side are you on?"

"Your girlfriend is around here somewhere," Lily drawled, now playing peek-a-boo with the baby.

It took me a few seconds to realize she was talking to me. "What? Who?"

She rolled her eyes but said nothing.

"Hattie?" I said again.

"No, Reese," she said sarcastically.

Teddy smirked. "Juggling a lot of girls there, don't you think, J-man?"

I glared at him and then glared at Lily. "Why didn't you say so sooner? Our family is probably already in the process of scaring Hattie off!"

Still with Dora in my arms, I whirled around and took off.

Weaving through the dining room and kitchen, I eventually found myself in the sitting room where I spotted Hattie chatting with Fred. Guess his family arrived at some point.

"Dora!" Fred greeted, reaching over to ruffle her hair.

"Fred!"

I scowled. "How come she knows everyone's name but mine?" I sighed, glancing towards Hattie and smiling. She looked drop-dead gorgeous in a lowcut black dress, the color popping against her pale skin. "You look incredible."

She smiled. "Thanks," she said, setting her eyes on the infant in my arms. "And who's this cutie?"

"The product of my godbrother's healthy sex life with my cousin."

She blinked in confusion while a new voice spoke up behind me. "Do we really have to word it like that?"

Glancing over my shoulder, I saw that Teddy had followed me. "Speak of the devil," I said.

"You took off with my daughter. I thought it wise to follow," he said.

"Says the guy who has left me to baby-sit her _alone_ on multiple occasions," I pointed out with a flippant smirk.

"You baby-sit?" Hattie teased before outstretching her hand towards Teddy. "You're Teddy, right? You were the Head Boy during our first year at Hogwarts."

He shook her hand and nodded. "That's a good memory you got there."

"It's not like I could forget the Head Boy with the colorful hair," she said with a sly smile.

He laughed. "I guess that makes it easy to be recognized."

"I like the green," she said, nodding at his hair.

"I thought it was festive."

"Goes with your tie, too," she chuckled, nodding at the red and green plaid tie he was wearing.

"Well, I wouldn't want to clash," he teased.

"It looks good," she laughed.

What was happening here?

"I'd say you have good taste but I hear you're dating my godbrother."

"Hey!" I finally intervened. "I'm a catch, I'll have you know."

"We're not dating," she reminded me with a chuckle.

Oh, right.

"Doesn't matter. Everyone in this family is going to think you are," Teddy retaliated with a mere shrug.

A tint of pink crept on to her cheeks. "Maybe I would have been better off not showing up," she sighed.

"You say that now but just wait until Uncle Harry pulls out the baby pictures," Fred smirked.

As her eyes lit up in amusement, I sighed. "Yeah, maybe it would have been better if you hadn't shown up."

As if on cue – "Well, well, well, who's this lovely lady?"

We all whirled around as Uncle Ron strode into the sitting room.

"Thais is Dora, Uncle Ron," I deadpanned. "Shouldn't you know your great-niece by now?"

Ron swatted me in the back of the head. "I hope I have the distinct pleasure to be the first to call you a prat tonight."

Fred let out a deep laugh. "We've been here for over an hour and you really think you're the _first_ to do that? We're in the high twenties by now at least."

I glared at him over the sound of laughter around me. "I'd slap you if my hands weren't full with this adorable ball of energy," I drawled as Dora giggled and rested her head against my shoulder.

I could feel Hattie's eyes on me, a smile tugging at her lips. I wasn't surprised. It's not like at school I came off like a guy who adored children, or a guy who adored anything really that wasn't tied to Quidditch.

"Could we possibly not promote violence around your goddaughter?" Teddy sighed with a shake of the head.

"She's your goddaughter?" Hattie spoke up in surprise.

I opened my mouth to respond but Fred beat me to it. "Yeah, Teddy had this crazy idea that James had the ability to be responsible with his kid," he spoke in with a shrug. "We suggested a strong bout of therapy to Teddy at the time."

"Why am I friends with you again?" I scoffed.

"Hm, not really sure actually."

I rolled my eyes and was about to respond when my eye caught sight of Alice wandering into the room, laughing with her dad. I did a double-take and found myself staring at her from across the room, taking in her stunning red lace dress and her curled hair that was resting loosely against her shoulders. She caught my eye from across the room and smiled, waving slightly. I smiled back and gestured for her to join us.

" _James_."

I tore my eyes off of Alice long enough to glance at the others, who were now all staring at me. "Er…what?" I asked, not even sure who had said my name.

Teddy looked at me curiously before saying, "Can I have my daughter back now?"

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Another half hour went by and a group of us were in the corner laughing at how uncomfortable Molly's boyfriend looked, which was expected considering the entire family had gone up to him bombarding him with outlandish questions and warning him to take good care of Molly.

While I laughed at Molly's expense, I kept a very watchful eye on both my sister who was chatting with Hugo and CJ (I warned CJ the moment he walked in that if I caught him staring at Lily's legs even once, I'd break his own) and Roxanne whose hand was currently in Zig's (I think more family members were scared of Roxanne's temper than Molly's because Zig wasn't getting bombarded nearly as much as Linc was).

"Can't believe Molly thought it would be a good idea to bring her boyfriend here," Fred was currently chuckling.

"Maybe she's looking to be broken up with," I contemplated. "It gets her out of having to dump him."

"Or maybe, and here's a thought," Alice sighed, "She really likes this Linc guy and wanted her family to have the chance to meet him and get to know him."

Louis, Fred, and I exchanged looks before breaking out into laughter.

"You don't introduce our family to the significant other in one sitting, AliCat," Louis argued. "In fact, you don't introduce them at all. You wait until after the wedding."

Alice rolled her eyes. "You guys are being dramatic. Your family isn't that crazy!"

That earned another round of laughter.

"From someone who's been privy to snide comments about my girlfriend _who isn't my girlfriend_ , I have to disagree with you," I spoke up, meeting Hattie's gaze who simply smirked in amusement.

"Pretty sure I warned you that you were asking for trouble by bringing her," Fred commented. "No offense, Hattie."

"Your father asked me how many times I've shagged James, Fred," she said to Fred. "If that didn't offend me, nothing will."

Her latter words were drowned out by our boisterous laughter.

"What did you tell him?" Dash questioned Hattie cheekily.

"I told him I didn't know the number off the top of my head but the last time we shagged, it was in a threesome with his son."

There was a ripple of both laughter and shocked gasps. " _You did not_ ," Louis said with wide eyes.

She chuckled. "No, I didn't. I grabbed a glass of champagne and high-tailed it out of there."

"All while Uncle George laughed," I added with a shake of the head. Glancing over at Alice, I said, "Are you still sticking with 'our family isn't that crazy?'"

She rolled her eyes. "They like to have a laugh now and again. I wouldn't call that crazy."

"You know what's really crazy?" Fred murmured, his eyes narrowing at a spot across the room. "That that boy has the nerve to touch my bloody sister in the middle of a Weasley crowd."

Glancing over to where he was staring, I saw Zig lean into Roxanne's ear and whisper something, to which she laughed.

"I overheard her calling him her boyfriend earlier," Jax said nervously.

Fred let out a groan. "Yeah, to my father of all people," he whimpered. "Dad came looking for me, telling me that the reason he and Mum had a boy first was so that I could stop that from happening."

"I don't think they got to choose the order of their children's gender," Alice mused.

"So apparently it's my fault she's dating the douchebag," Fred continued, ignoring Alice.

"Do you guys even know him?" Hattie questioned curiously.

"We don't have to," I intervened with a shrug. "If he dates a member of the family, he's automatically a douche."

"What kind of logic is that?"

"Stupid boy logic," Alice answered on our behalf.

"Protective boy logic," Fred corrected.

I smirked and nodded in agreement. "On that note," I spoke, pulling myself off the couch, "I need more champagne."

I nodded at Hattie to join me and she did. I hexed Zig on the way out as Hattie and I made our way towards the kitchen, earning a roll of the eyes from her and profanity yelled in my direction by Roxanne. We were refilling our glasses when a familiar voice spoke from behind us.

"Aw, if it isn't the happy couple."

I glanced over my shoulder and rolled my eyes. "Not you, too, Greengrass."

She chuckled. "No, but it's been extremely entertaining watching your family dissect the two of you."

"You wouldn't be watching if you spent Christmas Eve with your own family," I retaliated.

Reese frowned hesitantly. "I am spending it with family. Scorpius is around here somewhere."

"I figured," I drawled, "Though I'm quite happy I have yet to run into him. Is Isla here, too?"

"Yeah, she was chatting with the Scamander twins last I saw."

Considering this, I said aloud, "Hogwarts' Quidditch teams are representing a good chunk of this party."

Reese and Hattie appeared to be pondering this before the former said, "No Hufflepuffs though."

"Good thing or they'd all be following Fred around with mistletoe," I murmured, a hint of a smirk on my face.

Reese looked momentarily confused while Hattie laughed. Deciding it wasn't worth her while to ask about it, Reese merely shook her head and I took that opportunity to say, "Not sure I ever saw you in a dress before, Baby Girl. It's an odd look on you."

"Gee, thanks," she snorted while Hattie groaned beside me.

"I just mean you're usually dressed down."

"And now I'm not. What's your point?"

"I thought I already made my point," I contended. Hesitating, I added, "Oh, no, I guess I didn't. You look good."

She looked up at me in slight surprise. "Wow, was that an actual compliment?"

I shrugged. "I suppose it might have been."

I found slight enjoyment out of the crimson tone that colored her cheeks. "I'm not used to you complimenting me. Insulting me, yes. Teasing me, yes. Mocking me, most definitely. Not complimenting me. I'm not sure I like it."

I rolled my eyes. "Fine, how about I amend my statement and say you look good for once in your life. Did you finally go out and buy a hairbrush? Nay, a mirror?"

She hesitated and nodded. "Much better."

All I could do was laugh while Hattie looked between us, bewildered. "You two have a very strange friendship."

"Oh, we're aware," Reese said with a mere nod.

"Definitely aware," I agreed.

With a chuckle, Reese shrugged and said, "Well, I'm off to find others to entertain me. Perhaps others who aren't apparently hiding a relationship from me."

"We're not in a relationship!" I called after her as she disappeared out of the kitchen.

Groaning, I turned towards Hattie who looked torn between rolling her eyes and laughing. "Tonight was supposed to be fun, not a night of us dodging unrealistic questions."

She shook her head. "Honestly, I've been kinda enjoying it."

My eyebrow shot up. "Seriously?"

She shrugged. "You might find it annoying, but I find it endearing," she spoke hesitantly. "Yes, they're hounding Molly and that new boyfriend of hers, and they're bugging Louis about why he didn't drag his new girlfriend here, and they're questioning Zig's intentions with Roxy and they're inquiring about our so-called relationship, but they're doing it because they care."

She was smiling when I glanced up at her which I took as a good sign. I was used to my family so while their constant interrogation was nauseating, it wasn't something I was entirely unprepared for. But Hattie was an innocent bystander in their crazy intentions to drive me up a wall and I didn't want her to feel uncomfortable by it. "So you don't think my family is crazy?"

She laughed. "You know how you feel this deep desire to scare off every guy who enters your sister's life?"

I was going to argue with her but decided better of it. "Yeah, what about it?"

She smirked. "Where do you think you get it from?"

It took me a second to realize what she was alluding to and I scowled. "I'm nothing like my overbearing family!"

She just laughed at that.

I refused to believe I had turned out like anyone in my family when for so long I had tried to just be me. Not the son of the Chosen One. Not a member of the infamous Weasley family. Just James Potter.

I turned away from her with a frown and said, "What do you say we get away from my overbearing family for a while?"

She nodded and I grabbed her hand, weaving the two of us through the crowd once again before reaching the stairwell and slipping upstairs. "Feel free to comment on how beautiful the garland is," I teased as we reached the upper landing.

She chuckled. "I'm assuming that was your job?"

"Yeah, well Grandmum wouldn't let me eat all the appetizers before the guests showed up, so I had to find something to do."

She laughed again as I opened my bedroom door and ushered us both in. Shutting the door behind me, I glanced over at her as she took in the somewhat untidy room. I had pretty much poured the clothes out from my trunk on my first night back and now they all just lay scattered about the floor. Thankfully she didn't comment, instead wandering over to a wall covered in mementos throughout my years. Most of the wall was just covered in photos extending all the way from when I was a baby to just this past summer – of me and Fred wrestling, me and Alice dancing in my room, me and Louis making sandcastles at the beach, me and Teddy with bright pink hair, me playing gobstones with Lily, me playing Quidditch in the backyard, my Quidditch team, holiday photos, family barbecue photos, photos from Quidditch camp, etc. There were a bunch of Alice's sketches taped to the wall and some of her watercolors, as well as old Quidditch ticket stubs and concert tickets and club wristbands and old articles Mum had written with the _Daily Prophet_. There was also a small portion of the wall devoted to notes that Alice and I had passed back and forth throughout our Hogwarts days and a handful of letters we sent to each other when one of us was on holiday. There was a huge Chudley Cannons poster at the top of the collage and next to it was the only photo of me and my Dad taken at the very first Quidditch match he took me to.

I perched on my bed as Hattie spent a few minutes scanning each of the items before she turned towards me. "Who did the sketches and the paintings?"

Not sure what I was expecting her to say, I was slightly thrown by the slightly irrelevant question. "Alice."

"She's really good," Hattie said, making her way over to me.

"I know," I said with a smile. "If she could travel the world as a famous artist, I'm pretty sure she would."

Hattie stood in front of me with curious eyes. "Why couldn't she?"

I hesitated before shaking my head. "It's complicated."

She still looked interested but didn't question it further. "You have a nice room, James."

I smirked, patting the bed beside me. "I have an even nicer bed."

She looked at me before rolling her eyes. "Yeah, I'm not having sex with you tonight, James."

Not the answer I was looking for. "What, why the hell not?" I groaned.

"Because you have a houseful of peopledownstairs," she laughed.

"Yes, they're downstairs and we're upstairs. So I'm not sure I understand the issue."

"The issue is anyone could just walk in!"

I pulled my wand out of my pocket and locked the door. "Problem solved."

"Anyone with a wand can undo that."

"Yes, but that gives me time to shove you under the bed."

"How romantic."

I laughed, not surprised by Hattie's pushback. I hadn't really been expecting her to agree but now that we were upstairs in my room and I was staring at her in an unbelievably sexy dress, the idea sounded incredibly appealing.

"Fine," I said with a shrug, grabbing her arm and tugging her close to me, "But that doesn't mean we can't snog, does it?"

She laughed, now straddling my legs as my hands came to perch on her hips. "When have we ever snogged without it leading elsewhere?"

I grinned wickedly. "Well, darn, I hadn't thought of that," I teased sarcastically, hastily pressing my lips against hers.

She laughed into the kiss before her lips moved against mine, the kiss strangely tender before it quickly heated up and our tongues were swirling together hungrily.

Neither of us were all that surprised when we ended up having sex.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Our clothes hadn't been fully shed in case of an interruption so she was fixing her dress while I zipped up my slacks before we breathlessly fell back against my bed. Glancing at her, I noticed a sheepish smile on her face and I couldn't help myself when I said, "Y'know, that was actually the first time I ever had sex in my childhood bed."

She glanced over at me, the surprise evident in her eyes. "Is that supposed to make me feel special?" she teased.

I shrugged. "Take it however you want," I laughed, instinctively reaching over and pulling her towards my side.

She was clearly taken aback by the gesture but curled into my side, slinging her arm across my chest. "That was also the first time you and I had sex in an actual bed," she amended.

I considered her words before realizing she was right. "About damned time."

She giggled and the laughter tickled my shoulder. "I assume that's the only reason you invited me over here tonight," she teased. "To christen your bed."

"Yep. You can go now."

She smacked my chest and I laughed. " _I'm kidding_."

She rolled her eyes and we both grew quiet.

I knew eventually we'd have to venture back downstairs or people would start getting suspicious but I was perfectly content just lying there and waiting for Christmas to come. There were a handful of people downstairs I tolerated but most of them I was fine doing without. I had never been that guy who strove to be the center of attention in a big crowd. Sure, the spotlight typically followed me where I went but that didn't necessarily mean I craved it. I much preferred the solitude that came with being around those I most felt comfortable with, the people that I could trust and who knew me for me. It was these quiet moments that I had come to relish the most.

"Can I ask you something?"

I was broken from my thoughts at Hattie's question. Glancing down at her, I nodded. "Sure, what is it?"

I sensed hesitance in her eyes before she spoke. "Why _did_ you invite me here tonight?"

Not the question I was expecting.

Shrugging, I said, "I told you. My family has been inviting friends for years so I figured, why not?"

She frowned. "You only thought to invite me after I told you about my less than ideal holiday plans."

I carefully chose my next words. "I wasn't pitying you if that's what you think."

She glanced at me before shaking her head. "No, I don't think it was pity."

I debated asking my next question before doing so. "Then what do you think it was?"

Her grey eyes met mine, a slight desperation staring back at me. "I think you were hoping it'd get my mind off my own family. I think you were hoping it'd be fun for me. A release of some sort."

She wasn't wrong but I couldn't find anything bad about any of that. "Alright, so what if that's what it was? Why does it matter?"

She fell silent, a pensive look coming over her face as she turned away from me, staring off towards my memento wall. "It's unlike you to care."

I digested her words, trying to figure out if they were intended to be hurtful. I wasn't all that offended by them but I had a feeling I should have been. So I said, "Ouch."

She shot me a look. "Oh, you're not insulted by that. I was just telling you what you already knew."

"That I'm a heartless prick?" I considered.

" _No_ ," she sighed, "That you prefer it if people make the assumption that you don't have a caring bone in your body."

I wasn't sure how to respond to that.

She picked up on that because she continued. "But you do," she spoke softly. "You wouldn't have invited me tonight if you didn't."

I really didn't know how to respond to that so I decided to revert to my usual flippant mood. "I thought we already established that I invited you for reasons that solely consist of sex."

She rolled her eyes. "Joke all you want, James, but I now know the truth."

I dared to ask, "About what?"

She slowly picked herself up and twisted herself around to get a good look at me. I saw a warm smile on her face and amusement in her eyes, none of which I liked. "That you do in fact have a heart."

I met her gaze, unsure of the best way to steer this conversation. When I came up fairly blank, I averted my eyes away from hers and simply said, "Would you mind not sharing that thought with anyone else?"

I knew it was probably confusing to her as to why I'd want to keep my abrasive tendencies in the spotlight while I pretended I lacked any good qualities at all, but that was not a conversation I ever expected to have with her or anyone for that matter. I had been plenty blindsided in my life – by my father who had kept so much of his past from me, by my mother who stuck up for him, by my brother for being the golden child I never was – and all of it had left me with a leery heart. And I was going to build up walls around my heart and act like a menacing prat and not trust a single soul if that meant I could avoid ever again having to feel the kind of pain I felt when I discovered my own family had poked holes in my heart.

I had never been more thankful towards Hattie when she didn't question my request. She simply nodded and said, "Thanks for inviting me tonight, James."

Translation: thanks for caring.

I met her gaze and nodded in understanding. She managed to surprise me tonight, for showing up at all when our family could be intimidating and now for seemingly understanding the things I didn't want to talk about it. I had been hesitant to call her a friend but it was clear to me how much I did appreciate having her in my life.

With a sigh, I said, "As much as I wish we could stay up here forever, we might want to get back downstairs before someone sends out a search party after us."

I saw the reluctance in her eyes, the same reluctance I felt, but we pulled ourselves off the bed and headed downstairs to join the rest of the party.

We just took a step off the bottom stairwell when my Dad appeared with a frown. "Where have you two been?"

"I was giving her the grand tour," I spoke, the lie coming out a bit too naturally.

Dad barely batted an eye. "For over an hour?"

"It's a big house," I said, flashing him a smile.

"James-"

"Gotta go mingle, Dad," I cut him off as I grabbed Hattie's hand and slipped off towards the sitting room.

"Great, now your father thinks I'm a whore," Hattie muttered to herself.

"No," I argued, shaking my head. "That was just him disapproving of everything I do. That's what he does best."

She snuck a peek towards me but thankfully said nothing more.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

It was almost midnight and I was certain that at least half of the guests were either drunk off champagne and mead or well on their way. I had lost Hattie in the crowd but was currently watching Jax flirt shamelessly with Fiona, who appeared to not be put off by it at all. Fred bet me that she'd shoot Jax down and I took that bet so I was pleased to see the two of them were hitting it off. Maybe I'd make five galleons by midnight.

I broke away from the pair when I heard a pair of angry footsteps come up behind me. "What the hell is the matter with you, Jay?"

Glancing over my shoulder, I blinked in surprised when I realized it was Alice who appeared to be angry. "Er…is there something specific you wanted to discuss or was that just a general question?"

"Why the hell is Hattie telling me she thinks I could make it as an artist?"

I blinked, sharing a look with Fred who looked just as confused as I did. "Uh, _what_?"

"Are you honestly talking to her about my aspirations?"

It dawned on my what she was referring to. "What? No! She saw your sketches and your paintings in my room and wanted to know who made them, that's all!"

"Oh, that's all, hm? Then why the hell did she tell me that if I wanted to travel around the world and make it as an artist, I should try and do so because not everyone has talent like mine?"

This conversation was making my head spin. "I don't know why you're so angry about that seeing as it's a compliment."

"My artwork is personal, James, and I certainly don't need the advice on where my life should lead from someone who doesn't know a damned thing about me!"

I let out a disgruntled noise. "You're taking this out of context," I sighed. "She was just trying to be nice."

Her fists clenched at her side. "Just keep your nosy girlfriend out of my business."

"You are completely overreacting," I groaned. " _And she's not my girlfriend_!"

The anger in her face faded slowly as she stared at me, her eyes growing with an intense curiosity that struck me as odd. "Why _isn't_ she your girlfriend, James?"

I shot her a glare. "Because of-"

"And I swear if you say because of the Code, I will punch you in the face."

I grunted. "I wasn't going to say that," I lied.

She glared at me.

"I don't want a girlfriend, Ace. Never have. Never will," I drawled. "And I honestly don't know what the hell you're so ticked off about. She and I shared a one-minute conversation, probably less, because she saw your artwork on my wall. Whatever she said to you was meant to be taken as a bloody compliment so how about you stop yelling at me for something _I didn't even do_."

She didn't seem to want to leave it at that. "You ask her on a date to Hogsmeade, you-"

"Not a date."

"-hang out with her at the next Hogsmeade visit, you-"

"Along with a bunch of other people."

"-invite her to the Peasley pre-holiday all-night pub tradition, you-"

"I wasn't aware that tradition had a name."

"-have been shagging her for a year and a half, and you-"

"Only fifteen months, thank you very much."

"-invite her to your _family's Christmas party_ ," Alice finished, her eyes blazing with intense confusion. "You know what that makes her?"

"A friend who I like to occasionally shag?" I drawled.

"Your girlfriend," she spoke firmly.

I sighed, glancing over to where Fred was now watching on with surprised amusement. "You're wrong," I sighed. "And I've been defending myself all night to my family. I don't really care to do it with you, too."

"Then maybe you should just stop defending yourself and start admitting the fact that she's not just some girl you're randomly sleeping with anymore," she snapped.

My eyes narrowed at the confusing amount of frustration in her tone. "So, just to make sure I understand," I spoke coolly, folding my arms across my body as I turned back to face Alice, "You're not actually pissed that Hattie brought up your artistic talent, you're pissed that I won't just go ahead and call her my girlfriend?"

She glared at me. "And once again you completely miss the point."

She stormed off then and all I could do was gawk, not entirely sure what just happened.

I turned towards Fred again, hoping he could give me some insight but he merely shook his head. "Don't look at me."

"What the hell was that?" I groaned.

He shrugged and hesitated before saying, "If I didn't know any better, I'd say she was jealous."

That comment completely took me aback. " _Of what_?"

He shrugged again. "Don't know, mate. I think that's up to you to figure out."

I only had a few seconds to attempt to process what had just happened before I was interrupted by loud shouts coming from the library. Fred and I glanced at each other for only a brief moment before taking off in the direction of the commotion along with what appeared to be most of the rest of the family, too.

" _HOW COULD YOU_!?" Albus was shouting. "YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE MY FRIENDS!"

Peeking into the library, I noticed that he was currently screaming at a very red-faced Rose and a guilty-looking Scorpius.

"Calm down, Al!" Rose pleaded. "It's not a big deal!"

" _Not a big deal_?" he roared. "YOU WERE SNOGGING MY BEST FRIEND!"

I blinked, exchanging a look with Fred whose mouth was hanging open.

Wait.

Albus couldn't possibly be talking about Scorpius.

Rose wouldn't do that.

Right?

" _I thought you hated him_!" Albus continued.

"I do," she muttered.

" _Then why the hell are you snogging him_?"

She was staring down at her shoes with a grimace. "Er…because he's a good snogger?"

Oh, Rose. That was supposed to be a rhetorical question.

And ew.

"Ew is right," Fred groaned which only made me realize I had said that aloud.

Albus looked thoroughly disgusted himself as his angry gaze fell upon Scorpius. "And what the hell do you think you're doing, snogging my cousin!? _You can't stand her_."

"Er…I don't have to like her to snog her," he murmured.

This was just weird. _Rose and Scorpius_?

"What the fuck is the matter with you two?"

Took me a second to realize that those words came out of my mouth.

That got me simultaneous glares from all three of them.

And next to me, Fred just smirked and said, "I do think that question deserves an answer."

If perhaps most of the family wasn't currently jammed into the entranceway of the library, one (or all) would have given us the finger. Instead, Albus went back to glaring at his two friends and said, "How long has this been going on?"

Silence.

" _Someone better start talking_."

"How about we don't do this here?" Rose hissed, her eyes darting around the room where everyone stood staring at her. While more people piled into the library, I noticed Jax sneaking away which I found odd. I would have thought he'd love to witness Rose's humiliation.

"ANSWER THE QUESTION," Albus demanded.

"Al, does is really matter?" Scorpius pleaded.

"Does it matter that my two best friends who supposedly hate each other are snogging behind my back? _Yeah, I'd say that matters!"_

For once, I couldn't help but agree with my brother. Based on the way Fred was vigorously nodding, he agreed with him, too.

"No, it doesn't matter. It's nothing. Really," Rose pleaded, shaking her head.

"YOU'RE SNOGGING MY BEST FRIEND. THAT ISN'T NOTHING."

I tried to remember the last time I heard so many angry words come out of my brother's mouth and I came up completely blank.

Hell, I tried to remember the last time I heard so many words at all come out of my brother.

I still came up blank.

" _What_ is going on here!?"

Enter Uncle Ron.

Rose's face turned white as Scorpius' eyes grew wide. Neither spoke, both staring up as Uncle Ron wandered into the library, his expression filled with nothing but explosive fury.

"Nothing," Rose finally said, her voice barely audible.

Albus turned around, the glare still evident in his gaze. "Oh, you want to know what's going on, Uncle Ron? _Your daughter_ -"

"Al, don't!"

"- _was kissing Scorpius Malfoy_."

"AL!" Rose whimpered.

I had never seen Uncle Ron angry before. Until now.

Rightfully so.

I mean, _Scorpius Malfoy_?

"Get the hell out of this house," he hissed at Scorpius who was smart enough to look embarrassed.

"Ron, you can't kick the boy out," Mum said from behind him.

"I MOST CERTAINLY CAN!"

Yeah, he most certainly can!

"No, you can't. It's not your house and I'm saying he can stay," Dad chimed in with a shake of the head.

"It's fine," Scorpius murmured, stealing a glance at Rose before looking over at Albus. "I think it'd be best if I go."

Albus said, "YOU'RE DAMNED RIGHT IT IS."

If it hadn't been Malfoy that Rose was snogging, I would find much amusement in my brother's over-the-top hysterics.

"You don't have to go," Dad urged to Scorpius but he merely shook his head and slunk through the crowd. I shot him a glare as he slid past me right before he disappeared. I saw Reese and Isla's blonde hair quickly follow him.

"Well," Fred said, clearing his throat, "I did not see this coming."

I had a feeling that Fred and I would be holding a lengthy planning session very soon on how to best kick Scorpius Malfoy's arse.

"You had no right kicking him out," Rose spoke, her words directed at her father.

"What the hell are you doing messing around with the Malfoy kid?" Uncle Ron barked. "I thought you were smarter than that!"

" _Ron_!" his wife shrieked, smacking him on the back of his head. "Your daughter is perfectly capable of making her own decisions and-"

"Apparently she's not."

Those lovely words came from yours truly.

While Fred snickered, Rose just glared at me. "Oh, don't you bloody start with me," she sneered. "You've snogged _at least_ half the school by now so I'm hardly going to listen to anything _you_ have to say on the matter."

My cheeks flushed slightly. "At least I have good taste," I drawled. "Yours is clearly questionable."

" _James_ ," my father warned.

"What?" I scoffed. "Do you not agree that Rose could use a heavy dose of therapy right about now? That mind of hers, specifically the decision-making side of her brain, could use some serious examination."

"James," he said again, his eyes narrowing, "Do not speak of your cousin that way."

"Yeah," Rose hissed at me a bit too smugly. "Don't talk of your cousin that way."

"Oh, shut up, you little make-out whore," I smirked.

" _James_!" Dad hissed.

Rose gets caught snogging Scorpius freaking Malfoy and yet I'm the one who gets yelled at.

Something is very wrong with this picture.

I didn't have time to come up with yet another snarky comment as my thoughts were drowned out by another pair of shouting voices, this time coming from the other end of the house.

"What _now_?" Fred muttered before we all reluctantly all hurried down the hallway towards the foyer where I was surprised to see Hugo screaming at Lily.

What is with supposed best friends yelling at each other?

"Just because Rose is apparently kissing her cousin's best friend _does not mean you should be doing the same_!"

My eyebrows shot way up into my forehead.

 _Excuse me_?

Beside me, Fred murmured, "Did he just say…"

Yes, Fred. He did.

"You are overreacting, Hugo," Lily muttered, glancing behind her where CJ was currently cowering.

"I told you it was a bad idea," CJ murmured.

"Everyone was distracted," she spoke.

"Clearly not everyone."

" _Will you two stop having a side conversation and tell me what the hell is going on_?"

Lily turned away from CJ and looked Hugo directly in the eye before saying, "I'm dating your best friend. Deal with it."

"Well, shit," Fred said with a low whistle.

" _No fucking way_!"

Those lovely words came out of my mouth.

"Hey, watch your language," my mother hissed at both Fred and me.

"I told you to stay the hell away from her, Colton James Wood!" I sneered at my teammate. " _This is not staying away from her_."

"Oh, quit it with the dramatics," my sister snapped. " _I'm fourteen_! I'm allowed to date if I want to!"

"NOT HIM YOU'RE NOT!" I roared. " _You are so off the team, CJ_!"

"You can't do that!" Lily barked.

I shrugged coolly. "I believe I just did."

" _No, you can't_ ," Lily snarled, crossing her arms over her body. "Your Head of Household has to sign off on it and I hardly think Neville is going to take 'my teammate is dating my sister' as a legitimate excuse. Isn't that right, Neville?"

We all whirled around and found Neville in the crowd, who blinked in surprise. "Er…"

" _Neville_ ," Lily demanded.

He sighed, stealing a glance towards me. "No, that's not a legitimate excuse," he sighed.

Fucking hell. I needed to have a talk with Alice about keeping her father in check.

Oh wait, Alice was currently pissed at me.

Still not sure why.

But back to that later.

"Fine, then I'll bench the bastard!" I snarled. "I don't need anyone to sign off on that! Congrats, Hugo, you just made the varsity team."

Hugo was too busy glaring at Lily to acknowledge me. "When did the two of you start dating?" he demanded of my sister.

She sighed. "After the Slytherin-Hufflepuff match," she spoke. "And I don't know what your problem is, Hugo. You've never particularly cared who I've snogged in the past."

" _You've snogged people in the past_?" I cried out.

"I honestly don't care who you're snogging. I don't even care who you date. Hell, I saw this coming a mile away," Hugo argued. "But I don't like the fact that you're hiding it from me and doing it behind my back! Why couldn't you just tell me?"

"Oy, I care who she dates!" I chimed in again. "And who the hell have you been snogging in the past, Lily?"

"We hid it because we didn't really know what 'it' was," Lily explained to Hugo, ignoring me outright. "And to be honest, I wasn't looking forward to my arse of a brother finding out."

"I'm not an arse, I'm just looking out for you!" I snapped.

Lily turned towards me again with narrowed eyes. "You're not looking out for me, you're looking out for yourself just because you think it's weird to see your little sister snogging someone. But dammit, James, I'm not a child anymore! Unfortunately, I can't say the same about you so how about you _grow_ _the hell up_?"

"Language," Mum interrupted again.

Ignoring her, I glared right back at my sister. "And how about you don't become a tart who's apparently snogging every guy in sight?"

" _James_ ," I heard my father hiss. "Don't you dare talk to your sister-"

But Lily cut him off with a rage in her eyes that I've never seen before. "I'm a tart because I've snogged _three_ guys in my lifetime?"

" _THREE GUYS_?"

She ignored me. "Meanwhile, you're prancing around the entire school shagging _every freaking girl who looks at you_ without a goddamned care in the world about their feelings! Your black book is thicker than _all the library books combined!_ And have you ever _once_ called any of them your goddamned girlfriend? _No_! You're a player and you're a jerk and you dispose of these girls minutes after you shag them because you think sleeping around makes you look cool but it just makes you look like a total dick. And yes, CJ is my boyfriend, but at least he's not some womanizing sex machine like you are!"

Fuck, fuck, fuck. Did she really just very vocally expose my sex life to my entire family?

"You don't know what you're talking about," I hissed, my face currently the color of a ripe tomato.

She smirked. "Oh really? Then tell me, James, what the hell were you and Hattie doing upstairs _for over an hour_?"

FUCK, FUCK, FUCK.

I was seriously considering throttling her.

I glared at her. "You don't get to turn this around on me when you're snogging some douchebag behind everyone's back and lying-"

"He's not a douchebag and you know it," she spoke rather calmly. "You liked him just fine up until the point you found out he was my boyfriend."

" _He's not your bloody boyfriend_!"

"You don't have a say in that!"

"That's enough!" my father finally intervened, making his way through the crowd to corner myself and my sister. "Lily, you don't get to hide a boyfriend and then not expect people to be shocked and upset when they find out about it. While your brother may be going about it all wrong, all he has ever tried to do is look out for you so I'd suggest you stop insulting him and raising your voice to him, d'you hear me?"

Take that, Lily.

"And James," he spoke coolly, turning to me.

What did I do?

He sighed. "Unfortunately, your sister is right. You don't get a say in who she dates and you certainly don't get to call her names or speak to her the way you are. Attacking her is hardly going to accomplish anything."

How the hell did this end up my fault?

"And don't think that you and I won't be having a discussion about what Lily just said regarding your extracurricular activities," he murmured with the shake of his head. "But it's Christmas Eve which is not the time to be having that conversation so it can wait until after the holidays."

"Oh you have got to be fucking kidding me!" I said, throwing my arms in the air.

" _Watch your language!"_ Mum scowled.

"She is snogging some guy at _our_ family's Christmas party and hiding a boyfriend behind our backs and lying and deceiving all of us and somehow _I'm_ the one in trouble!?" I seethed.

"You're not in trouble but you are making a scene," he hissed. "I'd suggest you walk away and cool off a bit before you embarrass yourself any further."

"And Lily isn't making a scene? Or what about Al? He was making just as much a scene back there with Rose and I don't see you telling him to _walk away and cool off_?" I sneered. "But why should that surprise me? You've always given preferential treatment to them over me!"

The look in my father's eye was one that told me if I continued with this conversation, it'd be a long time since I'd see the light of day but I was hitting my breaking point.

I already hated family gatherings but this one took the cake. Everyone was harassing me about Hattie, Alice was apparently pissed at me for reasons that were still unknown to me, Rose is making out with the enemy, my sister is sneaking around with the one guy who I repeatedly warned to stay away from her, my Quidditch team was in jeopardy because of it, and now my father was making me look like the bad guy when all I was trying to do was protect the people I cared about from getting hurt.

Worst Christmas Eve ever.

"James, I'm not going to have this argument with you right now. Not on Christmas Eve," my father spoke in his warning tone. "We can discuss this at another time."

"Why bother?" I sneered. "It's clear you don't care about anything I do or say. So what's the point, Dad?"

I turned on my heel in an attempt to walk away before saying something I'd regret.

I should have kept going.

I didn't.

"Don't you tell me I don't care about you, son," he spoke coolly. "I do, and believe me, I will be having a discussion with your sister about her new boyfriend just like I'll be having a discussion with you about your reaction to it. _But I will not ruin our family's party by discussing it now_. And you might want to consider getting a new attitude before we do."

I hesitated before turning around.

I shouldn't have turned around.

I did.

"Get a new attitude?" I spoke with the shake of my head, my heart screaming with angst. "This is my attitude, Dad. _This is who I am_. Yeah, maybe I can be a bit loud and I can be too overprotective sometimes. And maybe I have a temper and maybe I speak my mind a little too much, but that's what you get with me. And I'm sorry that that's not good enough for you, I'm sorry that nothing I ever do will be good enough for you, I'm sorry that I'm just some huge disappointment to you, but I'm not changing who I am just because you don't seem to like it."

He was stunned and so it appeared was the rest of the family.

In hindsight, maybe this was a better conversation to be having without thirty pairs of eyes staring at me.

"I know we don't always see eye to eye, son," Dad spoke softly, "But I've never once asked you to change who-"

I shouldn't have interrupted him.

I did.

"Don't always?" I said. "We never see eye to eye! _Never_! And you don't care to fix it because you already have one perfect son and one precious daughter so who gives a fuck about me, right? Let's call me out for my so-called behavior because I will always be the one to cause a scene, right? It's always me. I'm the problem. I'm the disappointment. Not Al or Lily, _right_?"

More shock flickered in his eyes, his mouth hanging open. "James," he pleaded, "I really don't think now is the right time to be discussing this. Can we please talk about this later?"

That was all he said. Nothing more. Maybe he was stunned and taken aback and maybe he felt awkward with the hundreds of eyes on us, but silly me for thinking that this was the part where he was supposed to tell me that my perceptions were wrong. But he didn't.

I should have just left it at that.

 _I should have just walked away_.

I didn't.

"No, Dad, we can't talk about it later because I'm not really all that interested in talking to you at all," I spoke coolly, shaking my head at him. "I'm done with this. With all of this. I'm done with you hating on everything I do. I'm done _always_ being the bad guy to you. I'm done feeling like I'll never matter. _I'm done with you, Dad_. I'm just…I'm done."

My father was clearly at a loss of what to say as he stared at me, the surprise and confusion resting in his eyes. Which was understandable since I never bothered to have this conversation with him in the past. I never cared to. I didn't need him knowing how much his uncaring attitude affected me. I didn't need him knowing how much it hurt to know he loved my siblings more than me.

I could have told him now but I didn't. Because I knew it wouldn't change a thing.

He finally spoke. "You can't be done with me," he said softly. "I'm your father."

What I said next was precisely the reason I should have walked away to begin with. It was the reason I shouldn't have turned around. It was the reason I shouldn't have interrupted him. It was the reason I should have left it with the fact that he cares more about Al and Lily than me.

I didn't.

And I instantly regretted it as the next words came out of my mouth.

"Yeah, well maybe I wish you weren't my father," I spoke coolly.

That's when I walked away.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I grabbed my cloak from the hooks beside the back door and pushed the door open, welcoming the cool air against my skin. My shoes crunched against the light layer of snow on the ground as I kept my focus on the field in the distance, ignoring the large ache in my heart and the numbness in my every limb. I could have blamed the numbness on the cold but I knew there was so much more to it.

I didn't get into confrontations with my father often. I honestly tried avoiding having any conversations with him because they always ended up with me feeling worse about myself. We've gotten into the occasional spat in the past about my Quidditch ambitions and my mediocre grades, but they were stupid tiffs that typically ended with me walking away from him before he could tell me what a big disappointment I was.

So this confrontation was big. It was the first time I probably gave him a slight inkling into everything I've been feeling for the past six years. There was still a lot he didn't know but at least he was aware how much it pained me to know I'd never be good enough for him and his high standards. Or maybe they weren't even his high standards. Maybe those standards came from the world whose eyes were on us at all times watching and waiting for us to screw up. Enter me: the big screw-up. That's all I was. It's probably all I'd ever be. The papers had always labeled me as a wild child with an edge, rebelling just for the sake of rebelling, a guy who drank too much alcohol and flirted with too many girls, the not-so-great son of the great Harry Potter. I just never considered myself a bad child until my father started making me believe it, too.

I didn't care what the world thought of me.

But maybe a part of me did care what my father thought.

And maybe there was no maybe about it.

Reaching the broom shed, I opened it up and grabbed my broom before continuing towards the open pasture. It was a fifteen-minute walk but I didn't mind it. The wind nipped at my nose and I felt myself shivering but I kept going for there was only one thing I knew I needed in that moment to remove the hole of pain that filled in the place that my heart had once been.

I needed to fly.

And so I did. I kicked off the ground and soared into the air and almost immediately I felt the unbearable pressure in my heart and in my stomach slowly dissipate to give way to the comfort I always felt from the sky.

Even I knew that it had been wrong of me to blow up at Dad the way I did, especially in front of the entire family, but I had hit a breaking point I didn't even knew I had. I had been bottling in a lot of angry and resentful emotions for years and in that moment, I couldn't take it anymore. My sister had the nerve to tell the entire family about my sex life in a very public and humiliating way and yet I somehow became the one reprimanded. I knew I was far from perfect but knowing that I was the only one who could ever seemingly disappoint my father in everything that I did hurt more than anything else I've ever dealt with.

I blamed him for our strained relationship. We used to be close. I used to look up to him. He used to be my idol. And then I found out he lied and deceived me for years, keeping me in the dark about the details of what had happened with him during the war, and I felt as if my entire life had been a lie. The guy I had once looked up to was a fraud. With every question someone asked me about him, I lost a little piece of my heart until it was gone and buried all because my father thought it was best keeping life-altering secrets from me.

I thought that had been it. I thought I'd get over it or at least move past it. I told myself I didn't need him. I told myself I was fine on my own. And maybe if that had been the only reason for our strained relationship, we could have one day reconciled. But then he kept telling me that Quidditch couldn't be my whole life when he knew how much the sport meant to me. He kept saying that I needed to focus on my studies. He kept pushing my education down my throat as if Quidditch didn't matter. He stopped coming to my matches. He stopped asking me about Quidditch practices. And then he stopped wanting to hear about the adventures Fred and I were getting up to. He stopped asking me how Alice was doing. He stopped sending me letters. He stopped coming to King's Cross to pick me up for the holidays. He stopped showing any interest in my life.

He stopped loving me.

I could feel the unexpected prickle of tears in my eyes. I blamed it on the wind.

I knew I wasn't completely blameless for the clear fallout that had occurred between me and Dad. I shut him out. I pushed him away. I let my resentment take over. He had tried talking to me, tried understanding where my hostility came from and I refused to explain it. I refused to say anything to him at all. I had thought that would be easier. But years later, I knew nothing about this was easy.

I'd be lying if I didn't admit that that I had taken it too far with the comment about how I didn't want him to be my father. The words had just tumbled out, years worth of pent-up agony spilling out in an unfair way just because I had felt ambushed and hurt in a way I hadn't seen coming. It had been wrong but the words were out there now. I probably wouldn't apologize because that wasn't something he and I ever did. We had said some pretty rude things in the past but we'd just move on with our lives and eventually forget about it.

Something told me that Dad wouldn't forget about this.

I knew he didn't deserve it. I'm not even sure I meant it.

But there was a reason I said it.

Nearly forty minutes had passed when I saw a flash of something on the ground below me. Squinting my eyes to take a better look, I realized it was Alice. I didn't know if I was in the mood to talk to anyone, even her, but if anyone knew what to say or do to make me feel better, it would be her. So, I reluctantly flew towards the ground and dismounted.

She looked at me as I strolled over to her. I couldn't read her expression which unnerved me because I had always been able to do that in the past. Meeting her gaze, I said nothing and waited for her to initiate.

"So," she said, clearing her throat, "That conversation with your father…" she trailed off.

"I don't want to talk about it, Ace," I pleaded.

Her eyes hardened. "Yeah, well, I do," she spoke and I was surprised to hear anger in her tone.

I looked at her, startled, as she continued.

"I know what it's like to grow up without a parent," she said, her voice as icy as the air. "It's not something that should be taken lightly, James. No matter how upset or angry you are, you don't get to tell your father in front of your entire family that you wish he wasn't in your life. He didn't deserve that."

I stared at her in slight dismay, realizing that she wasn't there to offer me a comforting presence. She wasn't there to tell me things would be okay. She wasn't there to say or do the one thing that might make me feel better. She wasn't on my side at all.

She wasn't entirely wrong but I didn't need her reprimanding me for it. I just needed her to be there for me.

Not for him.

At a complete loss for words, I just shook my head and mounted my broom, starting to take off towards the sky.

"Where are you going?" her voice cried out. "I'm trying to have a conversation with you!"

I jerked my broom around and glared at her, ignoring the heavy ache in my heart. "No, you're _scolding_ me just like you were scolding me earlier today for Merlin knows what reason and the last thing I need or want right now is my best friend turning against me when she's the only person in the world who knows what I've dealt with when it comes to my father," I pleaded, my glare softening as the overwhelming pain filled my heart and took over my every emotion.

She looked surprised by my emotional words but only frowned hesitantly. "Yes, I know what you've dealt with," she said with a consenting nod. "I see how much it's affected you. I see it every day. And I've stood by you for all of it. Because I know how much it hurts you to feel like he doesn't care. But I can't stand by and watch you destroy a man just because he's not who you want him to-"

"Stop," I croaked out, my voice barely audible against the winter wind. I could feel myself shaking, though I couldn't be sure if it was from the cold or if I was disappointed in Alice or if I was angry with Dad. Or maybe it was a combination of all three. "Just...stop."

She looked at me and slowly closed her mouth.

"You…" I trailed off hesitantly, not even sure what to say to explain how much it hurt to see here there defending a man who has caused me so much pain himself. She had to know that I hadn't meant to hurt my father in front of everyone, but I did it because I had hit my breaking point with him. _I had had enough_. "I'm not saying what I said was right, I just…" I had just had enough. That's all.

"You're right, it wasn't," she murmured.

I cringed, hearing the disapproval in her tone and it broke my heart because I couldn't recall a single time in my entire life where she hadn't been there to offer me support, even when I made mistakes. Many mistakes. And yet she stood by me through them all, listening to me and being there for me, supporting me even when she didn't necessarily agree with me.

What about this was so different?

She knew how much I had looked up to my father as a kid. She knew how defeated and deflated I felt when I entered Hogwarts and realized my perception of my father was all wrong. She knew how much it hurt to find out that my role model had been a liar for my entire childhood. She knew how quickly I went from a happy-go-lucky kid to an angst-ridden boy. She knew I resented him for not caring about what I cared about. She knew I hated it every time he brought up my studies. She knew how much it pained me to watch our once-strong relationship crumble. She knew how much it kills me every time he says he's proud of Albus when he's never once said that to me. She knew how much it hurt to know all I'd ever be to my father was some big disappointment. _She knew it all_.

I could list a hundred other things that made me resent my father but I could feel the unexpected tears itching the inside of my eyes and if I continued thinking about all of them, I knew I wouldn't be able to hold them in any longer.

But I refused to cry. Not in front of Alice. Not in front of anybody. I was supposed to be strong, the guy that had overcome living in the shadows of Harry Potter to become my own person. But my heart had long been broken and it was hard feeling any strength when you constantly felt the burden of letting down your own father every second of every day.

My bottom lip trembled as I slowly shook my head in defeat. "I-I thought you understood," I whispered achingly. "Apparently I was wrong."

I dared to look up at Alice who had a look of both surprise and guilt on her face and slowly, her eyes glazed over with a thin layer of tears. I knew her well enough to know that those tears were there because she saw my obvious pain and helplessness as she watched my own inner turmoil torment me. "James-"

"Don't," I pleaded once again, my voice cracking as I shook my head. I was barely holding it together and if she said anything more to me, there was a good chance I'd break down and that wasn't something I had ever allowed myself to do. "Please just go."

I have never once asked Alice to leave. Not once. She had always been my rock during the bad times. But in that moment, she wasn't my rock. She was just another adversary. And if she wasn't there to provide me with her usual calming presence, I needed her to not be there at all.

The surprise rested in her blue eyes. "James-"

" _Go_ ," I croaked pleadingly before hopping back on to my broom and taking to the sky where I let myself believe for just a moment that everything would be okay.

But just for a moment.

I didn't know how long I flew for. It was at least an hour or two. Maybe even more. I lost feeling in my hands, and my cheeks were burning from the icy wind, and my eyelashes were frozen over, and my body began to tremble with the cold at one point, but I kept flying. I did loops and dives and when that got old, I just soared lightly through the air letting the sky be my sanctuary. I let myself forget about my father. I let myself forget about Alice. About Al and Lily. I made myself forget about all of it. I just flew.

When I finally came down, finally too frozen to continue, I dismounted and reluctantly headed back to the house. I had only taken a few steps when I stopped short, my mouth parting in surprise when I saw Alice sitting there.

She had stayed the whole time.

Holding a jar of flames, she slowly picked herself up off the snow and walked towards me. She handed me the jar and I immediately felt warmth in my frozen fingers. I looked down at the jar before glancing back up at her. "You stayed," I choked out.

She met my gaze, a softness flickering in her blue eyes that hadn't been there before. "My best friend was hurting," she said softly, "Where else was I supposed to be?"

Shit. I felt the tears start up again.

Why was I such a wimp tonight?

"We may not always agree on everything, Jay," she whispered, "But that won't stop me from being here for you when you need me the most."

I stared at her, for only a moment, before reaching out and wrapping my arms tightly around her, the comfort of that one hug making up for everything else that happened that night.

If she felt the splash of my tears in her hair she didn't say anything.

And I never appreciated her more.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

 **A/N:** And Christmas Eve comes to a close.

I have a feeling I might get some people disagreeing with what James said and how the fight went down but once again keep in mind, that we are viewing all of this from James' perspective. He and his father never had this type of confrontation before so Harry is feeling overwhelmed and confused and most likely embarrassed and I hardly think the first time he'd want to be diving into his nonexistent relationship with his son is in front of his family and friends.

Next chapter: Christmas!


	13. Underneath the Tree

**A/N:** All of you who worried I was abandoning this fic, never fear, the story lives on! I wasn't 100% happy about this chapter so I reworked it a few times and then had to step away from it for a few days before coming back. That's the only reason it took longer than usual.

Warning: there is some serious M material (translation: sex scene) at the end of this chapter.

* * *

 **A WAY WITH WORDS**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 13: Underneath the Tree

" _I'm gonna hold you close  
Make sure that you know  
I was lost before you  
Christmas was cold and grey  
Another holiday alone to celebrate  
But then one day everything changed  
You're all I need underneath the tree."  
_-Kelly Clarkson

* * *

It was just after midnight when Alice and I made our way back to the house. Based on the lack of noise, I assumed that the family and friends had all returned to their own homes for the evening which had me letting out a huge sigh of relief. I just wanted to slip upstairs unnoticed, crawl into my bed, and stay there until the holidays were over and I could return to Hogwarts under the pretense that last night never happened.

I expected Alice to head towards the fireplaces to floo home or at least apparate, but she didn't. As I ventured towards the stairwell, she followed me. When I gazed at her in confusion, she smiled and shrugged as if to say 'what, you thought I was leaving you tonight?'

We piled into my room and both fell on to the bed with yawns. I was still wearing my dress robes and she was wearing her stunning red dress that in my opinion showed a bit too much cleavage but she looked beautiful nonetheless.

"I need to change," I murmured, laying my head back against my pillow.

"So do I," she pointed out, her eyes fluttering closed beside me.

Neither of us moved.

We both lay there, neither moving for quite some time. I glanced over at Alice at one point who was curled up in a ball, so still and peaceful, and I knew she had fallen asleep. I pulled the covers over her and glanced up at the ceiling, knowing that there was a good chance sleep would never come for me.

I don't know how long I had been awake for but as the eerie quiet trickled in and I soon couldn't stand the sound of the voices in my head, I found myself slowly climbing out of bed and tiptoeing towards the door. I headed towards the stairwell, debating between a glass of water or a beer, but I froze when I heard my parents' voices in their bedroom at the end of the hall.

"He's back. I think Alice is with him," my mother was saying.

"Mm."

There was a long pause before my mother spoke again. "He didn't mean it, Harry."

My father said nothing.

" _He didn't mean it,"_ she urged again.

"My own son hates me, Ginny," my father finally spoke, the words soft against his tongue. "I've failed as a father."

I had never heard such disparaging words from my father before. He was always the essence of strong-willed and confident but now as he spoke, his voice seemed weary and desperate.

When I realized that I had caused that I felt a slight bit of guilt well up inside of me.

"You didn't fail as anything, Harry," Mum whispered. "He's a teenager. A rebellious one at that. They all claim to hate their parents at one point but it doesn't mean they believe it."

"The thing is, Ginny," he murmured, "Is that I think James does believe it."

"He doesn't," she argued and I could practically hear the tears in her voice. "He's just a confused, tortured boy who directs a lot of his anger at us because we're an easy target."

"There's no 'us' about it," my father argued. "It's me he can't stand. He gets along with you just fine. And I don't know why."

"Harry-"

"And this isn't just typical teenage rebellion," he continued. "This started far before he became a teenager. He was always such a happy kid and then we went off to Hogwarts and returned for the holidays a completely different person, withdrawn and spiteful and troubled. And to this day I don't know what happened. I don't know what changed him. And it kills me not knowing. Because maybe if I knew, I could fix it. Maybe if I knew, I could change it. But I can't because he stopped letting me in six years ago and at some point, I just let it happen."

There was a tormented sadness in his voice that sent a jolt of shame through my veins knowing that as much as I had blamed my father for our very obvious fall-out, a part of me was to blame, too, for I never bothered to talk to my father about all that I had felt over the years. I had believed ignoring my feelings and ignoring him was the best way for me to just forget about all of it but all it did was build a steel wall around my heart and a pit of repressed emotions in my soul.

"You could try talking to him," my mother suggested.

My father let out a snort. "He doesn't want to talk to me. I think he's made that pretty clear."

"But do you want to talk to him?"

I froze then, desperate to know the answer to that question.

It took him a long time to respond. "You heard him, Ginny," he spoke softly. "He wishes I wasn't his father. So if all talking to him is going to do is provide me with even further confirmation that my own son hates me, maybe I'm better off not talking to him at all."

I don't know why I felt so let down all of a sudden. I had never done much to try and repair my relationship with my father nor was I ever sure I wanted to or needed to but now I had proof that he apparently resented me just as much as I resented him.

Whatever my relationship with my father was, it was clearly unsalvageable.

And for the first time in years, I actually felt troubled by that.

" _Harry_ -"

"It's late, Ginny. Let's go to bed."

"But, Harry, you can't just leave it-"

"I can and I will," he spoke firmly. "Good night."

I stood there for a long time dissecting my father's words, wondering what any of them meant. He sounded just as confused and hurt as I felt about our relationship but then managed to remind me that he didn't care enough about me to even want to fix or change the way things were. I knew a huge part of me was to blame for that. I hated him for giving up on me but I gave up first. I always blamed him for pulling away but I pulled away first. I resented him for not caring but I had stopped caring, too. I hated that he kept his distance but I kept my distance just as much as he did.

So what did that mean? Were we both at fault? Could all the blame I put on my father be put on me, too?

Forget the water. I definitely needed that beer.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

The beer didn't give me the answers I was hoping for so I was forced to recycle the empty bottle and head back upstairs. As I veered through the foyer, I glanced towards the grandfather clock in the corner and was surprised to see that it was three in the morning. In just a few hours, my house would be bombarded with Weasleys again as we all exchanged gifts and pretended as if the night before didn't happen. It was not something I was looking forward to.

I tiptoed back into my bedroom and found myself smiling gratefully at Alice's sleeping figure in the corner of my bed. I dropped down on to the bed and let my head hit my pillow with a sigh as I glanced back up towards the ceiling and waited for the sun to rise.

At some point I felt Alice stir beside me. She turned over and peered at me, offering me a smile when she realized I was awake. "What time is it?" she whispered as if she feared she could wake up someone in the neighboring rooms.

"Probably four by now," I responded with a shrug.

She nodded. "Can't sleep?"

I shook my head. I opened my mouth to tell her of the conversation I overheard but I barely understood it myself so I couldn't be sure how to explain it to her.

"Hey," I said, a sudden realization hitting me. "It's Christmas."

Her eyes lit up and she smiled at me. "Merry Christmas, James."

I reached over and snuck my arm underneath her, pulling her towards me. She nestled into my shoulder with a smile. "Merry Christmas, Ace."

Her blue eyes stared up at me. "You know what this calls for?"

"Firewhisky?"

She laughed, elbowing me in the side. " _No_ ," she teased and she abruptly sat up with a smirk I liked not one bit. "We are so dancing it out to Christmas carols."

I sighed and shook my head. "We'll wake up the whole house."

"So let's wake up the whole house," she said, scooting off the bed and wandering over to my radio. She switched the dial on and started flipping through stations before it landed on "Jingle Bell Rock."

Her eyes lit up and she turned around with a wicked grin.

"No," I said, shaking my head.

" _Yes_ ," she said and she began to sing along. "'Jingle bells chime in jingle bell time. Dancing and prancing in jingle bell square in the frosty air!'"

"What the hell is a jingle bell square?" I questioned.

Her hips swayed as she made her way over to my bed. "'What a bright time, it's the time right, to rock the night away.'"

"Not the right time. Nope. Not buying it."

"' _Jingle bell time is a swell time_ ,'" she continued, pulling herself up on to my bed before proceeding to jump on it. "' _To go riding in a one-horse sleigh_.' Dammit, James, get up off your arse and join me."

"Nah, I'm good."

She smacked me in the back of the head.

"Uh, ouch?"

" _Get up_ ," she urged. "'Giddy up, jingle horse pick up your feet!'"

"Does that make me the jingle horse?"

" _Yes_ ," she laughed, practically shoving me off the bed. I stumbled off the bed with a groan but as looked at her goofy smile and the way her eyes lit up and I couldn't help but notice that she was still wearing that stunning red dress, I found myself unable to say no.

And so despite everything inside of me telling me that dancing it out wasn't going to change anything, I jumped on to the bed with her and joined in.

"'Mix and a mingle in a jinglin' beat, that's the jingle bell rock!'"

" _What_ is going on in here?"

She and I froze and turned towards the door where a groggy Lily stood there with her arms on her hips.

Based on the glare in her eyes, she was still angry with me. Which was fine because I was still angry with her. "Gee, sorry, did we wake you?" I drawled dryly.

Her eyes narrowed at me. "Did you wake me with your ridiculously loud and offkey singing that sounds something like a hippogriff getting caught in a lawn mower? _What do you think_?"

I rolled my eyes. "I'd say sorry but I'm not really all that sorry."

Alice winced beside me as a glare etched into my sister's face. "Just try to keep it down with your stupid dancing traditions so that some of us can get some actual sleep?"

And with that, she stormed out and slammed the door behind her.

I glanced over at Alice with a shrug. "Guess that answers the question as to whether she's still peeved at me."

Alice looked at me with a hesitant smile. "Seems to me you're still a little peeved with her, too."

I frowned. "Not about the CJ thing if that's what you're wondering, though I'm not terribly pleased over that either."

She nodded. "I know," she spoke softly, knowing full wlel it was my sister's accusations of my sex life that I found the most off-putting. But since there wasn't much more we could discuss on the subject, she said, "Something tells me this calls for more dancing."

I met her hopeful gaze and nodded. "Something tells me you're right."

"Jingle Bell Rock" came to an end but "Let it Snow" came on so while Alice turned down the volume a tad, we continued to look like fools on my bed. And then "Santa Baby" followed by "Here Comes Santa Claus." We eventually tired out so we fell back against my pillow in a fit of giggles but we continued to sing along until the light began to peek through the windows and morning was screaming for our attention.

"I guess it had to end at some point," I said when the song changed to "In The Bleak Midwinter" while Alice and I watched the shades of pink and orange stream through my window.

Alice nodded, twirling a strand of hair around her finger. "Why does that never get old?"

I shrugged. "Some traditions are worth carrying on no matter how silly they may seem."

She seemed to like that answer because she glanced towards me with a genuine smile. "Yeah," she said softly, "I guess they are."

I took a peek at the watch on my wrist, a pit forming in my stomach when I discovered it was just after seven in the morning. Another hour or so and I'd be forced downstairs with the rest of the family.

I thought back to the night before, wondering if anyone would comment on any of our actions or if we'd all force ourselves to attempt to have a nice Christmas. We were a temper-filled, argumentative group but last night had hit a rather high peak of awkwardness that I had a very strong suspicion anyone who dared mention what went down between Rose, Scorpius, and Albus or Lily, CJ, and Hugo or my father and me would get a rather large arse-whooping from my grandmother.

"Can I ask you something?" I found myself saying to Alice.

"Yeah."

My lips pursed before blurting out, "Why were you so mad at me over the whole thing with Hattie?"

I saw her blink in surprise, her eyes not straying from the windowpanes. "I blame the champagne," she said, but there was a strain in her voice that told me she wasn't being fully truthful.

"Alice," I spoke softly.

She glanced towards me hesitantly. "I can't recall the last time you called me Alice."

"I only use it on you when I'm either mad or I know you're hiding something."

There was a flicker of shame in her eyes before she turned away once again. This time, her eyes turned towards the wall of memorabilia that includes some of her paintings and sketches. "I don't know why I blew up like I did," she murmured. "It just took me by surprise. It's not like I have all that many conversations with Hattie and then she was talking to me about something incredibly personal and I just…it threw me. That's all."

I wasn't sure if I entirely believed her. "Fred seems to think you were jealous."

She jerked her head towards me sharply. "Of what?"

"I don't know. I was hoping you could tell me."

Her brow furrowed. "There was nothing to be jealous of," she assured me, though her words seemed wary.

I let up a shrug. "So then why were you questioning my relationship status with her?"

She paused before saying, "Because I don't think you're questioning it enough."

"Why do you say that?" I argued. "Why are you and everyone else so convinced I should up and date Hattie when I don't want to?"

She frowned, her eyes meeting mine with hesitation. "Because maybe you do want to," she spoke softly. "You just don't know how to want it."

My eyes darkened slightly. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

She shook her head as if to tell me not to be angry. "It means you've done a damned good job at refusing to let yourself get close to anyone," she explained. "So good that maybe you aren't willing to see what's right in front of you."

I hesitated. "It's not like that," I eventually said. "We're not like that."

Alice hesitated. "But maybe you could be."

"I like things the way they are," I spoke with an air of desperation.

"I'm not saying you don't," she spoke softly. "But it's also okay for you to want something more."

I opened my mouth to argue but stopped short, pondering her words carefully. In a way, she was right. It was something Dad pointed out to Mum earlier that morning, too. I had never let myself open up to people, my fear of vulnerability too great to even consider the option. I kept myself at a distance from most people because that was easier than feeling something. I stopped listening to my heart a long time ago, knowing that it was too fragile to do any proper talking. I had gotten hurt once. I had been blind-sided once. I had felt the utmost betrayal once. From my own father. I didn't want to give anyone else the chance to do it again.

So did I refuse to see Hattie as anything more than some shag buddy because I didn't want to see her as anything more? Or because I was afraid to?

I wasn't entirely sure I wanted to find out the answer.

"Shit," I realized, "I never even said goodbye to her last night."

"She knew you were dealing with a lot. I don't think she felt slighted that you didn't say goodbye," Alice said. "She told Fred to tell you she'd write to you in a few days."

"I should really be the one to write to her," I murmured. "Apologize on behalf of my crazy family."

Alice shrugged before a giggle slipped out, followed by a chuckle, and then she was outright laughing.

"Oy, what's so funny?" I asked, poking her in the rib.

She swatted me away, still laughing. "Remember when I said last night that your family wasn't that crazy?"

I thought back to earlier in the evening and nodded. "Yeah?"

"Well, I take it back."

I looked at her and then burst out into laughter, grateful that the ache that had been in my chest the night before had managed to disappear, something I knew I could thank Alice for.

Alice continued. "I just have to imagine that when you invited Hattie to your Christmas Eve party, you were hoping to share a few cocktails, sing a few carols, eat some good food, enjoy some fun company, maybe share a kiss or two, and then you'd go your separate ways and comment on what a fun evening it was. Instead, you gave her a front-row ticket to the Peasley insanity show!"

I pouted before I found myself joining in with her laughter. "Her family must look really good to her now!"

Alice didn't exactly know what I was referring to but she laughed anyway. "Next year, buy her a card and be done with it."

"Are you kidding? Next year I'm sending her to Australia where she'll be safe, _far away_ from this loony bin!"

More laughter until she had tears in her eyes and my sides were hurting.

Eventually, it died down and Alice turned to me to say, "I should be heading home. It is Christmas after all."

I made a face before nodding. "I'll see you later though?" We always exchanged gifts on Christmas afternoon, stealing ourselves away from our families for an hour or so.

She nodded, ruffling my hair before climbing out of bed. Glancing down at her dress, she smirked. "I look like I'm doing the walk of shame."

"You should be so lucky. Most girls would die to do the walk of shame from my place."

That earned me a well-deserved pillow to the face.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Fred sought me out the moment his family arrived at our home for Christmas morning. I was hiding in my room, waiting until the last possible second to join the group downstairs when I felt the presence at the door.

Glancing up, I met Fred's curious gaze. "Hey," I murmured warily.

He nodded. "So," he spoke awkwardly, "Last night didn't exactly go as planned, hm?"

I shook my head. "Nope," I grumbled.

Hesitation flickered in his gaze before he spoke next. "Did you mean it?"

I didn't have to ask what he was referring to. I just wasn't sure how to respond. "I don't know," I said with a sigh.

He frowned but before he could question me further, I hastily said, "And I'd rather not talk about it. I've spent too much time as it is just thinking about it."

That seemed to surprised Fred. "You've actually been thinking about it?"

I wasn't surprised by the question. It wasn't like me to give my father a second thought, much less a third and a fourth and a fifth one. "Yeah," I muttered. "So like I said, I don't want to talk about it.

He seemed to be okay with not talking about it as he offered me an understanding shrug. "Okay, how about we talk about all the ways we are going to make Malfoy and Wood's lives miserable?"

I forced out a chuckle as we spent the next few minutes bouncing ideas off of one another until Albus came upstairs and said everyone had arrived and our presence was being requested.

And so the entire family gathered in the living room, small plates with pastries and a handful of mimosas strewn about. I had managed to avoid any type of lecture from my own parents or any of my relatives so far, so I chalked that up to a win. Who knew how long that would last before one of them blew up at me.

I could see that Rose was blatantly ignoring her father and when she entered the room, Albus turned on his heel and rushed into the kitchen, so clearly that situation hadn't been resolved. Which wasn't surprising seeing as she had been snogging Scorpius Malfoy.

Cue a shudder of repulsion.

Lily was avoiding me which was fine because I was happy to avoid her, too. She was clearly still pissed about my reaction to her relationship with CJ but I was pissed that she gave a detailed history of my sex life to my entire family. I strongly suspected that we would be giving each other the silent treatment for a really long time.

Hugo was chatting away with Lily so at least one pair was back to normal.

Couldn't say the same about the rest of us.

I hadn't spoken one word to my father that morning. He refused to look at me and for good measure, I refused back. It was just easier that way.

My mother was clearly not pleased with me. When I had wandered downstairs and greeted everyone with an awkward Merry Christmas, she glanced at me out of the corner of her eye and said nothing back.

That one kinda hurt.

It was expected. She always chose Dad's side.

But it still hurt nonetheless.

So now here we were, the entire Weasley-Potter clan scattered about the living room pretending to be cheerful when it was clear not all of us felt the customary holiday spirit.

I was on the smaller couch between Fred and Louis, paying little attention to the gift exchange going on around me as I entertained myself by replaying the song-singing Alice and I did earlier that morning and wishing she were there beside me.

I only stopped when I felt an elbow to my side. I turned to glare at Louis, but he said, "Teddy."

Glancing up, I saw that Teddy was holding a gift in his hand and staring at me. He must have gotten me for his Secret Santa.

He picked himself off the floor and handed me the wrapped gift.

"Thanks," I said with a cheerful smile.

I was surprised that all I got in return was a taut jaw. In fact, he did not look happy one bit.

Great. What did I do now?

I opened the gift up and peered inside, pleased to see an oversized Cannons sweatshirt staring up at me. My old one was too small on me now and was running ragged so I was very happy to get a new one. I was about to thank him again but stopped, realizing that on further inspection, there was a familiar loopy signature underneath the logo. I froze, my mouth dropping open before I jerked my head up to stare at Teddy. "Is…is this signed by Mario Enderval?" I nearly squeaked, referring to their legendary seeker who had over the summer announced his impending retirement after only three years in the big leagues (I may have cried).

Teddy offered me a curt nod, the coolness still in his eyes and expression.

"Holy kneazle, this is great!" I cried out. "Thank you so much!"

He nodded again but still said nothing.

It put a slight frown on my face but I put his reaction in the back of my mind to discuss at a later time.

"Your turn," Grandmum spoke up with a smile.

Lily's gift was on the table in front of me as I reluctantly leaned over to pick it up. After our outburst last night, I wasn't exactly thrilled to be handing over what I thought was a pretty epic gift but with the entire family staring at me, I had little choice in the matter.

With a sigh, I grabbed the (horribly) wrapped gift and tossed it over to my sister. "It's for you, Lily," I spoke flatly.

She looked surprised to be spoken to, her eyes briefly meeting mine. She looked like she didn't want to be receiving a gift from me just as much as I didn't want to be giving one to her but she reluctantly reached for the small box and proceeded to open it. She tipped the box over and out fell two strips of thick paper. She read them briefly before she froze, her eyes suddenly widening before she glanced up at me. "It's two Harpies tickets."

I nodded.

She blinked. " _First row_ Harpies tickets."

I shrugged and then nodded again, ignoring the round of surprised murmurs that started around me.

She continued to stare me. " _First row behind the players' bench Harpies tickets_."

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, I know, Lily. I'm pretty sure I was the one who bought them," I grunted.

"How…I mean… _why_ …" she trailed off, clearly too much in shock to even form a proper sentence.

At the time I bought them, I had expected this moment to be staged a bit differently. For one, I had assumed my sister and I would be on speaking terms. And I would have expected her to shriek to the point of causing deafness in my ears and I would have even anticipated her possibly leaping off the floor and crushing me with a grateful hug before she jumped around the room and squealed like a kid in a candy store before Mum begged her to take a seat so we could continue with the gift exchange.

But as it was, my sister and I were very much irritated with one another so it was understandable that her reaction was subdued and my response was lackadaisical at best.

I shrugged again. "Don't say I never gave you anything, kid."

She glanced back down at the tickets, her cheeks flushing in what I could presume was excitement, before she looked back up at me. She said nothing and neither did I, both of us clearly unsure how to navigate the awkward moment.

"You bought her front row players' bench tickets?" Louis asked beside me to clearly break the uncomfortable tension, his eyebrows shooting up way into his forehead.

It seemed as if my response to everything that morning was to shrug.

"Damn, did you empty out your entire bank account for that?" he responded with a low whistle.

I suddenly felt a tad embarrassed at the attention I was getting from everyone, only because I had a feeling they were all wondering how the same guy who trashed his father one night could spend an exorbitant amount of money on his sister the next day, so I tried to sidestep Louis' question.

"Just do me a favor, Lily," I murmured, glancing back over at my sister whose eyes were still wide, "Don't take CJ with you to the match."

Hugo was the only one to laugh, the rest of the family uncertain how to take that comment.

I expected a glare or another outburst from my sister but neither happened. Instead, she frowned and met my gaze with her own hesitation. " _You_ don't want to go?"

Of course I wanted to go. The Harpies were playing the Arrows, both teams in the top of their divisions and fighting for the playoffs for the first time in years. It was going to be epic, one for the history books. But I didn't want to force her to go with a guy she wasn't exactly thrilled with when I wasn't entirely thrilled with her either.

"I assumed you wouldn't want me there," I drawled.

Tension filled the room as my sister continued to stare me, her green eyes suddenly unreadable before she said softly, "I want you there."

My heart skipped a beat. If this was her way of apologizing, it was kind of working.

I thought back to her outburst when she decided to tell the entire family I was an egomaniacal horndog. It wasn't her shining moment in my opinion but I suppose I probably deserved a bit of backlash after deciding it was a good idea to call her a tart.

Okay, fine. I deserved a lot of backlash.

"Then I'll be there," I said with another shrug. I hesitated before smiling.

She smiled back.

"Er…did you two need to be alone for a while?" Fred smirked beside me.

I elbowed him hard and Lily chucked a croissant at his head.

All in all, a not so bad Christmas morning.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Judgmental eyes kept glancing over at me all morning until I nearly hit my breaking point. I escaped the family, rushing into the kitchen for a much-needed refill of champagne. I stood alone in the kitchen, sipping my champagne flute and wondering why I felt so guilty for saying something everyone must have already assumed I had felt.

I didn't know whether I was grateful that no one mentioned it or whether tiptoeing around the pink hippogriff in the room was almost more unbearable than just getting the multitudes of admonishments over with.

Having the hopeful thought that now that the present-opening portion of the morning was over that I had a chance to escape to my bedroom for the rest of the day, I only stopped when I felt a chill in the air. Glancing around, I saw that the back door was cracked open. Hesitating, I put the champagne down and peeked outside. Huddled on the porch swing was Rose.

I could hide away in my bedroom all day. Or I could focus on someone else's problems.

And so I stepped on to the porch and shut the door behind me.

She glanced up and immediately frowned.

"So how's Malfoy?" I drawled with a little too much bitterness.

She glared at me. "Fuck off, James."

I didn't. "Well, that's not very Christmasy."

"I'm not exactly in a very Christmasy mood," she snapped at me.

Fair. "You could have chosen any random guy to snog, and you just had to choose Malfoy, hm?" I prodded.

Her glare grew with intensity. "If I was looking for someone to give me a hard time, I'd go find Al to talk to."

It was a valid point.

I shrugged. "Hate to break it to you, but you don't snog Malfoy at your family's Christmas party and not expect people to give you a hard time for it."

The anger in her eyes softened into regret as she swiftly turned away from me. "Just leave me alone," she murmured, drawing her knees into her body and resting her chin atop them.

For as long as I've known Rose, she's always been incredibly self-poised and wildly indestructible. But as I looked at her now, I saw an unexpected fragility that took me by surprise.

"You okay?" I asked hesitantly.

Yes, it was a stupid question.

She looked up at me in disbelief. "Am I okay?" she snorted. "My best friend hates me, my father thinks I'm a slut, the whole family is looking at me like I have some contagious disease, and I've been stupidly snogging Malfoy for two bloody months for reasons that are still very much unclear to me!"

 _Two months_?

I could have harped on that but I heard so much distress in her voice with every word she spoke and that was something I knew a little too much about. Hesitating, I decided the only thing I could do was crack a joke so I said, "So we agree that snogging Malfoy was stupid then?"

She glared at me.

I probably should have just kept my mouth shut.

So I went with a different approach.

"You know Al will get over it, right?" I urged.

She hesitated before shaking her head. "He's really mad at me."

I decided to play devil's advocate. "Don't hate me for saying this but you had to have seen that coming."

She frowned and offered me a single nod. "I know."

My eyebrow popped up curiously. "So…" I dithered. "Why'd you do it?"

Her eyes met mine. "Why'd you snog my best friend?"

Hm, I thought we had gotten past that. Apparently not.

"We were drunk and she came on to me," I said bluntly. "But if you recall, I put a stop to it. Seems to me I can't say the same about you and Malfoy."

Rose frowned, stretching her legs out in front of her with a sigh. I walked over to her and joined her on the bench, shivering as the winter air brushed against my cheeks. "I know he's a prick," she murmured.

I nodded. "A big one."

She sighed but then nodded. "Yeah, a big one."

"Then I repeat," I said cautiously, "Why'd you do it?"

She said nothing at first, brushing her feet against the ground to let the porch swing lightly sway. "I don't know," she muttered with so much conviction that I had a suspicion she did know, she just didn't want to tell me. "It was the day after Halloween and I was upset about something, he was there and giving me shit like he normally does, I got irritated at him and just wanted to shut him up so…I snogged him. At the time, I even thought it'd make me feel better."

"Maybe if you kissed a lake squid. But Malfoy?" I groaned.

She shot me a look but the edges of her mouth twitched upward. "Wasn't so bad. He has a really flexible tongue."

I recoiled in disgust. "We can file that into the category of things I never needed to hear."

She smirked before it faded once again. "Then we kept running into each other," she continued with a shrug. "And instead of fighting, we put our mouths to other use."

"Yeah, I didn't need to hear that either."

She rolled her eyes. "Oh relax, it's not like I'm shagging the guy."

Yeah, Malfoy was definitely getting a swift punch to the head next time I see him.

I shuddered and shot her a look. "Please tell me that you're not even remotely considering that option."

She opened her mouth to respond, but I cut her off. "On second thought, I don't want to know!"

She smirked again.

"What were you so upset about that had you running into the arms of the bloody devil?" I questioned.

Rose frowned again, her eyes gazing off into the distance where all I saw was black. When she did finally answer, I was disappointed. "It's nothing."

I snorted. "If it was nothing, you wouldn't have snogged your sworn enemy," I argued. Hesitating, I added, "Multiple times."

She shook her head but didn't offer a response. I thought back to Halloween and wondered if anything occurred out of the ordinary that would have set Rose off but I came up blank. I had a feeling the reason she was so upset would forever remain a mystery to me.

"Can I ask you something?" I spoke hesitantly.

She nodded.

"Do you fancy Malfoy?"

She shot me a look of disgust. " _No_!" she scoffed. "He's still the same arrogant prat who uses every minute of his free time to taunt and harass me for no reason except that he gets some sort of sick pleasure out of riling me up. I don't like the guy. I was just using him."

That was an interesting way to put it. "Using him?" I repeated. "How?"

She slowly turned to meet my curious gaze. "Considering what Lily announced about your sex life last night, I assumed you'd get it."

Oh, so that hadn't been completely forgotten about yet?

I sighed. "One, I don't like you relating your situation with Malfoy with my sex life as it puts unnecessary thoughts in my head," I muttered. "And two, what the hell are you talking about?"

She said nothing at first, staring out across the blanket of white snow in front of us, a distant look of sadness shining in her confused eyes. I could see the defeat settle into her expression right before she turned to me and said, "Sometimes it's easier just fooling around with someone you don't want anything from, to know it doesn't have to mean a damned thing, to just have a bit of fun as a way of ignoring everything else around you."

That peaked my interest. I always assumed that girls wanted and craved more than what I was giving them. They always made it seem that way.

Except for Hattie.

Glancing down at Rose, all I could do was sigh. "You know you deserve better, right?"

She met my gaze, bewilderment and surprise staring back at me which I suppose I understood since it wasn't every day Rose and I had heart-to-heart conversations about our relationships (or lack thereof).

"I know how people see me, James."

I had no idea what to make of that. "And how do people see you?"

She turned away from me with a sigh. "I'm just a cutthroat bitch who everyone cowers from in fear because they're convinced I'll find a way to tear them to shreds."

Yep, that was pretty much a spot-on description. "And this has to do with Malfoy how?"

She offered me a curt shrug. "He doesn't see me like that," she spoke softly.

I hesitated. "I'm afraid to ask how he does see you."

She shook her head. "I don't really know nor do I particularly care, but one thing I do know is that he doesn't back down or run away from me just because I'm not the typical giggly, flirtatious girl like all the other girls in the school. He doesn't care that I'm a bitch. Because he doesn't care about me at all. Which is fine because I don't want him to care. I was using him for a snog and he was using me right back. And I kinda liked feeling wanted by someone for once," she muttered. Hesitating, she added hastily, "Not that he wants me for anything more than a snog but that's all I wanted in return so it just seemed to work."

I suddenly felt awkward at where this conversation was headed, so I tried to put a swift end to it. "Rose, I know you'll always end up doing what you want to do because you're a stubborn hardass who pretty much hates everything and everyone, but let me just say one thing to you," I said with a bit of a teasing grin before fixing my stare on her. "You deserve to find someone who wants every part of you and not just the part they get to snog."

She turned to me, her eyes slightly wide in surprise which was expected seeing as I hardly fished out compliments to her, or to anyone really.

I felt very awkward under her rather watchful eye, so I turned around and found solace in the darkness that greeted me in the horizon.

"It was nice of you to get those tickets for your sister."

I glanced over at Rose. I guess we were done talking about her.

I shrugged, glad for the subject change. "I knew she'd love it."

I could feel Rose's curious eyes on me and I refused to take the bait, not asking her what she was thinking. She took the hint. "I don't get it."

I snuck a peek towards her. "Don't get what?"

She shrugged. "Why you're so set on trying to convince other people you're not a nice guy."

Frowning, I said, "Maybe because I'm not a nice guy."

"You just spent all of your savings on a gift for your sister and still ended up giving it to her even though you two had a rather explosive fight last night," she drawled. "Whether you like it or not, you _are_ a nice guy."

"Well, don't go spreading that around," I contested.

Rose rolled her eyes. "This is what I'm talking about," she grunted. "It's like you enjoy pretending to be an asshole."

"Or maybe I just am an-"

"No, you're not," she sighed, shaking her head. "We all know that I am one-hundred-percent a bitch and I own that, but you are no asshole. Like I said, you just threw down a chunk of your bank account on your sister and-"

"I'm allowed to spoil my little sister."

"-and you invited your shagmate to our family's Christmas party and-"

"Why does everyone keep harping on that?"

"-you're constantly looking out for me and for Lily and for Rox and for Alice even though you don't have to and-"

"Well, clearly _someone_ has to because you're all making out with untrustworthy men!"

"-and you sit here, telling me I deserve better than a guy who doesn't care about me and-"

"Because you do!"

"-I just think you are trying so hard to be someone you're not when the person you are is actually pretty great. It's frustrating to watch you refuse to let others see that side of you."

I opened my mouth to argue one again but stopped short, my eyebrow slowly crawling towards my forehead. "Was that a compliment?"

She shrugged. "Don't make a big thing of it."

I hesitated. "I don't think I've ever heard a compliment come out of your mouth before."

"I said don't make a big thing of it!"

"Feels weird. Different. A tad creepy actually."

"Oh for the love of Merlin," she muttered.

I chuckled. "Well what about you, Rose?" I questioned. "Why don't you ever let anyone see a different side to you?"

I was taken aback when her eyes darkened and she turned away from me with a helpless frown. "This is who I am," she murmured and I had a feeling she much preferred believing that than consider ever showing any ounce of vulnerability.

I suppose we both had that in common.

So I just sighed and changed the subject. "I'm sorry things are so shitty between you and my brother."

She frowned before shrugging again. "It's my fault. I really screwed things up."

I could only shrug in agreement. "You do know I plan on kicking Malfoy's arse for this, right?"

Rose rolled her eyes. "You do know I'm not six anymore and I can make my own decisions, right?"

"You're allowed to make the decisions again when absolutely no snogging is involved."

I could see her trying to suppress her laughter but a giggle slipped out anyway. "How is it I can hate you and love you all at the same time?"

All I did was shrug and said, "I'm a complicated fella."

And she couldn't help but nod in agreement.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I had somehow managed to escape upstairs mid-afternoon in order to grab Alice's gift from under my bed. I was heading back towards the stairwell when I heard a noise in Lily's room. Hesitating, I peeked in and saw she was dabbing water on her shirt.

She glanced up at me and made a face. "Dora spilled cranberry juice all over my white shirt!"

I winced. "Shit, you must have been pissed."

"Tried to be but then she smiled at me and I forgot how impossible it was to hate that adorable kid."

I chuckled, leaning up against her bedroom doorframe. "I think it's a lost cause," I pointed out, nodding at the very obvious red stain. "Time for a new shirt, Lily."

Lily glanced up at me curiously before tossing the rag into the bin. "You're calling me Lily," she said as she opened up her chest drawers presumably to find another shirt to change into.

"Last I checked, that was your name," I said.

She peered towards me. "You always call me Lils."

"You hate when I call you that."

She shrugged. "Never stopped you before."

I blinked, staring at her as if just looking at her would give me an idea as to what she was talking about. "So…" I trailed off. "You want me to call you Lils?"

She pulled out a black T-shirt before turning towards me. "Do you know when you call me Lily?"

Seriously, where was this conversation going?

"When I feel like it?" I suggested.

She shook her head. "When you're mad at me."

Ah.

"I'm not mad at you," I argued hesitantly for I assumed the giving her the Harpies tickets and her accepting them was our way of moving past our fight.

"So last night was just for show then?" she drawled.

I hesitated. "Oh. Well I was mad then."

Her jaw tightened. " _For no reason_ ," she spoke firmly. "I understand why Hugo was pissed because his two best friends kept it from him. But you are not allowed to be mad at me just because I'm dating some guy. That's not fair."

I made a face. "I don't like it."

"I didn't say you had to like it. But you don't get to be mad just because your little sister is growing up."

"Ugh, I _really_ don't like that."

She hid a smile. "CJ's a good guy."

"There's no such thing as a good guy."

She rolled her eyes. " _You're_ a good guy."

My eyebrow slowly peaked its way into my forehead.

She hesitated. "Well, you're a good guy to me."

First Rose, then Lily. What was the world coming to?

I chuckled. "You know I'm going to have to kick CJ's arse for this, right?"

My arse-kicking list was getting larger by the minute.

She rolled her eyes. "Fine, kick his arse. But you can't kick him off the team."

I growled. "Alright but he's definitely on probation."

"For _what_?"

"Uh, how about for dating the Captain's little sister?"

She groaned. "I take back what I said earlier. Maybe I will take CJ to the Harpies match."

"I hope he takes a bludger to the face then."

"Something tells me Fred will take care of that during Quidditch practice all on his own without a professional team having to do it."

"Ooh, I like the sound of that."

"Great, now I'm giving you ideas on how to torment my boyfriend."

I blanched and then made a face. "If that kid so much as hurts one hair on your head, he's a dead man. And from what I've heard from Hugo, that cousin of ours knows how to bury bodies so that they'll never be found and therefore, we wouldn't even be charged for murder."

"I-" she stopped, shaking her head. "Wait, what the hell does Hugo know about burying bodies?"

"Let's not worry about that until we have to, Lils."

She groaned but then let out a smile. "Don't call me that."

I smiled. "Sorry, I'm always going to call you that, kid."

She glanced at me out of the corner of her eye and grinned. "I know."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I was almost out the front door when I saw Teddy in the library with Dora. Hesitating, I doubled back around and wandered in. He was playing peek-a-boo with her, both of them laughing, but the moment I walked in and he looked up, his smile faded.

I sighed and decided to just be blunt because I had little time for games. "You want to tell me what it is I did that got you so mad at me?"

He glanced down at Dora who was now crawling around on the floor. With pursed lips, he looked up at me once again. "I lost my parents before I ever even knew them," he spoke.

When he said nothing more, I sighed. "Hate to break it to you but that isn't exactly breaking news."

His eyes narrowed at me. "Do you know who spent the next twenty-five years filling in as my father?"

I stiffened.

"Yeah," he sneered. "Your own father."

Fuck.

Sighing, I said, "I know he's like a father to you, T, but-"

"He's not _like_ a father to me," he spoke coolly, "He _is_ a father to me. He's the only father I've ever known. And he's a pretty great one at that. I don't know what the hell it is that he did to suddenly make you hate him, and I've kept my mouth shut about it over the years because it wasn't my place to intervene, but when you slander him in front of the entire family, I get to tell you that you're being a selfish brat."

I probably deserved that but it made me angry nonetheless. Or maybe it was the reminder that my father treated Teddy more like a son than his own actual son. "You don't get it," I snapped.

"No, I don't," he responded almost immediately.

I just shook my head, knowing that this was yet another conversation I did not want to be having. "Whatever. I have to get to Alice's," I muttered, turning around and heading out.

"Why am I not surprised that you're walking away?" he called after me. "That's all you're ever good at. You _never_ want to talk about what's bothering you. _You never confront your feelings_. You never want to deal with any of it!"

I flipped him off but kept walking.

"How the hell do you expect your father to fix anything when you won't even tell him what's going on?"

At that, I whirled around and blurted out, _"He doesn't want to fix anything so why the hell should I want to!"_

I was glaring at Teddy as he gaped at me in surprise. We both turned away when we heard Dora say "No" from where she now sat staring up at us with a sad look on her face. Apparently she didn't like the two of us fighting.

Teddy leaned over and scooped her into his arms with a sigh. Glancing towards me, he said, "What makes you think he doesn't want to fix anything, J?"

I wasn't about to admit to eavesdropping on my parents the night before. "I don't think he doesn't want to fix anything," I murmured. "I know he doesn't."

Teddy frowned, momentarily distracted when Dora tugged at the back of his hair and he winced. "Why do you say that?"

"I just know."

Teddy hesitated before shaking his head. "You're wrong, J," he spoke softly. "He hates the way things are between you."

I felt an ache settle into my heart. "Did he tell you that?"

"He doesn't have to. I see it every time a colleague asks him about you or he pretends not to notice when I receive a letter from you and he doesn't or when your mother is giving him a play-by-play of your Quidditch matches. He puts on a smile and pretends everything is fine, very much like you do, but it's not fine."

I sensed sincerity in his words but I still felt uncertainty in my heart. He shouldn't care that I write to Teddy because he was the one who stopped writing to me a long time ago. And he shouldn't have to get the play-by-play on my Quidditch matches from Mum because he should be there himself.

"Do you know why I said what I did last night, T?" I murmured.

Teddy looked at me before shaking his head. "No. I don't."

I settled my gaze on Dora who was now resting peacefully against her father's chest. I thought back to when I was a kid and everything had seemed so easy and pure. When I loved my family and I looked up to my father and it was as if nothing could tear me down. When I was young and naïve and innocent and the whole world was my oyster.

Now all I have is an empty oyster shell and not a single pearl to show for it.

"Everyone always assumes that being Harry Potter's son is some sort of honor. That being a celebrity in name only is supposed to be this great accolade. What no one realizes is that it's not easy being his son," I spoke softly. "You're lucky because you get the son part without the last name."

He said nothing at first, though I could feel his gaze on me. I refused to look up, finding slight solace in the sleeping baby in his arms. "And maybe it's not easy being Harry Potter," he eventually said. "Did you ever think of that?"

"No," I spoke coolly and before I could help it, I started to run my mouth, "Because he didn't tell me shit about what it was like. I had to find out from everybody else about how he slayed a basilisk and fought a dragon and freed a hippogriff and about the Room of Requirement and the Voldemort name ban and the snatchers. I had to find out from people I didn't even know how my own father was there to watch his godfather die and he was there the night that Albus Dumbledore died. I had to learn from _total strangers_ that my father sacrificed himself for the good of the wizarding world! _That he should have died that night_."

My godbrother's mouth shaped into an O form that made me think he was slowly catching on.

"So maybe he's a father to you," I spoke, my voice soft with resentment, "But to me, he's just a liar and a fraud."

I didn't stick around to find out what Teddy had to say to that. Frankly, I didn't rightly care. A part of me knew that Dad had been a better father to Teddy and Teddy had been a better son to Dad but they had an entirely different relationship than I did with Dad. Teddy needed someone to look up to. He needed a role model. He needed a father figure. Me, I got one whether I needed one or not.

And the role model and father figure I got turned out not to be so much of a role model or a father figure at all.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

The Leaky Cauldron was empty save for a single fellow in the corner muttering under his breath. One of their regular barmaids was behind the bar so I just waved dismissively before heading up the stairs and veering towards the left where the small apartment over the pub sat.

A few minutes after I knocked, the door opened and Alice stood there with a smile. She was still in her red and green plaid pajama pants with a simple black tank top, a glass of champagne in her hand. "Hey," she greeted, gesturing me in.

I walked in and said my obligatory hellos to Neville and AJ, both of whom responded with a 'Merry Christmas.'

AJ added, "I had hoped you would have gotten yourself a one-way ticket to anywhere else in the world this Christmas."

Neville groaned and Alice glared at her but I merely shrugged. "Eh, maybe next year."

AJ chuckled as Alice and I ventured off towards her bedroom. I flopped on to her bed as she shut the door.

"How was your Christmas morning?" she questioned before joining me on the bed.

I thought back before shrugging. "Weird."

Her eyebrow popped up. "Weird how?"

I let out a slow sigh before explaining. "Well, I had a surprisingly good conversation with Rose who in case you're taking notes, Albus is currently not speaking to; apparently the key to my sister's forgiveness is through front row Harpies tickets; Teddy is apparently not too pleased with me and I stupidly made the mistake of telling him certain things I wish I hadn't; my parents haven't so much as looked at me since last night which I would be fine with if I didn't know some lecture was bound to be coming my way sometime soon; and absolutely _no one_ is mentioning the fact that two snogfests were going down at our Christmas party last night that erupted in two unexpected outbursts."

Alice's eyes were nearly in her hairline. "Ah," she said, clearing her throat, "That kind of weird."

"Yeah," I murmured, leaning back against the wall with a sigh. "That kind of weird."

She cocked her head to the side, studying me, before saying, "Why is Teddy not pleased with you? And what did you tell him that you wish you hadn't?"

Of course she focused on the one part I'd hope she wouldn't.

"Same reasons you weren't too pleased with me last night," I muttered.

She looked momentarily confused before the realization settled in. "Your father?" she asked softly.

I nodded.

"What did you tell him?"

I pursed my lips before muttering, "I told him I thought my father was nothing but a liar and a fraud."

Alice's eyes grew wide. "Shit," she murmured. "How'd he take that?"

"Don't know. I walked out before he could respond."

Alice sighed. "Ah, the infamous 'drop a bomb and then walk away so you don't have to deal with the aftermath.' You're kinda a pro at that, Jay."

"So I've been told," I murmured with yet another sigh. "I should have just kept my mouth shut. Teddy's probably going to go run to Dad now and tell him all the things I've been keeping from him all these years."

Alice slowly shook her head. "I don't think he'd do that, Jay," she argued. "But I do think he's going to try and convince _you_ to talk to him."

"Fat chance of that happening," I muttered irritably. "Any way I could hide out here for the rest of the day?"

She opened her mouth to retort but I hastily cut her off. "Scratch that," I said with the shake of my head. "Any way I could hide out here for the rest of holiday break?"

A small smile perched on her lips. "You can't avoid this forever."

"Can't see why not since I've been doing a stellar job at it for six years already."

She frowned. "Jay…"

"I don't want to talk about this anymore," I pleaded, shaking my head. "Can we just exchange gifts?"

She looked like she would have loved to continue discussing it so I was elated when she eventually nodded. I pulled the gift bag off the floor and handed it to her.

She tore out the tissue paper and peered inside before pulling out the scrapbook. She looked at it inquisitively before turning the pages. Her mouth began to slowly open as she turned each page. She was only a few pages in before looking up at me. "You've been stealing from me."

I chuckled. "That's one way to look at it."

The scrapbook was a collection of her sketches and paintings on the righthand pages along with a photo of the subject on the left. I had been working on it for a little less than year, removing certain sketches from her various sketchpads and capturing photos of the lake and the Hogwarts Express and the snow-covered grounds and the Leaky Cauldron and Diagon Alley and the Quidditch pitch and Hogsmeade in the fall to replicate them. I forced friends into the same clothing they were wearing at the time of the original sketches and I set up random photo shoots in the common room and on the grounds and in pubs.

She continued flipping, the awe in her eyes growing with every page. She laughed at a sketch she had drawn of me pushing Fred into the lake (he had not been pleased with having to recreate it). She smiled at a watercolor painting she did of her father and her sister. Her smile wavered at the sketch of her mother's grave. I let her look at every page without saying anything, hoping that she wasn't too upset with me for going through her old sketchpads and removing some of the finished products.

When she eventually looked up at me, I was shocked to see a glimmer of tears in her eyes. "This is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me," she spoke in a soft whisper.

"So you're not too mad that I spent very little money on you this Christmas?" I spoke with a teasing grin.

She smiled and shook her head. "Well, you did wind up spending most of your money on your sister. You had to get creative with me," she teased back.

"This had nothing to do with my sister. I started been putting this together far before I decided to buy Lily those tickets," I argued.

Her eyes met mine. "How long?"

I thought back before shrugging. "Last February? Maybe March?"

She said nothing, just staring at me as she quietly blinked away the tears. "Eleven months?" she eventually said.

"Maybe ten."

She fell quiet again, glancing back down at the page in front of her. It was a sketch of a group of us by the lake back in my first year when the winter season had turned into Spring and the flowers had just begun to bloom. I was there laughing with Fred and Louis while Teddy and AJ sat side-by-side with their feet dipped into the lake. Dominique was cuddled up with her very first boyfriend (he only lasted a month) while Victoire sat behind Teddy and AJ keeping an eye on her younger sister. We were obviously all much older now and convincing all of them to return to the Hogwarts grounds over the summer for a single photo had been difficult but it was one of the few sketches that included Alice's family and mine and I knew it needed to be the last one in the scrapbook.

"Thank you, Jay," she eventually said, her gaze back on me. "This is…" she trailed off with a shake of her head, clearly at a loss for words. "Just, thank you."

I smiled, grateful that she appeared to love it. I had put a lot of time and effort into it so I would have felt very disappointed had she not loved it. "I know we'll be graduating at the end of the year but I thought you might like a preservation of all the memories we shared over the years."

"I don't just like it," she said, shaking her head. "I love it."

"I'm glad to hear it," I said with a smile. "Now, is it my turn yet?"

She laughed before pulling herself off the bed and heading towards her desk. She placed the scrapbook down and grabbed a small gift bag on top before carrying it over to me. "Here," she said with a hesitant smile.

I glanced inside and pulled out an old scuffed snitch. I looked at it curiously before glancing up at her, bewildered. "It's a snitch."

"Gee, nothing gets by you," she chuckled, climbing back on to the bed. "Look closer."

I popped my eyebrow up before looking back down at the snitch, bringing it closer to my gaze. I turned it in my hand and noticed there was black ink on it. It took me a few seconds to make out the name but when I did, I froze.

I returned my gaze to Alice, my eyes slightly wide. "It's signed by Rinaldo Shea."

She smiled and nodded. "Not only is it signed by Rinaldo Shea, it's the snitch he caught in the 2016 Quidditch finals."

My lips parted. " _That's the last match he played before he retired_."

She nodded again. "I know."

I stared at her and then stared back down at the snitch. I was suddenly that five-year-old boy again sitting in the stands next to my father as I watched Rinaldo Shea steal the snitch out from underneath the nose of the Ballycastle Bats' seeker. Shea had been called up from the minor league earlier that month and it was his very first professional game he had ever played and I had felt as if I had been a part of something magical that day. I didn't stop talking about it for weeks. Fred had been so jealous, he threw a stack of Legos at me and refused to speak to me for a month.

And now I held the very last snitch he ever caught in his career.

It should have made me happy. I should have been dancing around the room like a jubilant fool. I should have felt tears in my eyes.

Instead, I was thinking of that very first game when I had felt so much love and appreciation towards my father for introducing me to the epic game of Quidditch.

And now look where we stood.

"You okay, James?"

I forced a smile on my face and looked up at Alice. "This is by far the best gift anyone has ever gotten me. I don't know how you did it, but thanks, Ace. This is amazing."

She cocked her head to the side. "Then why don't you sound all that excited about it?"

Why was I not surprised that she picked up on that?

My smile wavered. "I am excited about it," I urged. "But it also reminds me of the very first match I ever went to."

She looked at me curiously. "The one your father took you to?"

Of course she also picked up on that.

"Yeah," I murmured, slumping down on the bed in defeat. I wasn't supposed to give my argument with my father a second thought, but apparently I did because I found myself muttering, "Fuck, I really messed things up with him."

Alice didn't argue but I hadn't expected her to. "The question is, do you want to fix it?"

The worst part of all of this is that I didn't have an answer to that question.

I hated the way things were my father. I hated that I had looked up to him for so long just to have my image of him shattered the moment I stepped foot in Hogwarts. I hated that he kept so many secrets from me, _his own son_. I hated that I had to find out the truth from a group of people I didn't even know. I hated that we had once bonded over Quidditch and now the last thing he wanted for me was to play it professionally. I hated that he loved my siblings more than me. I hated that I would never be good enough for him. I hated always disappointing him. And I hated that he always managed to disappoint me right back.

But what I hated the most was that there was a very good chance that no matter what I said or did, he'd still never find a way to be proud of me.

And that wasn't something I was prepared to handle.

The truth was, I was afraid to try and fix things with him. Because what if I told him everything I've been bottling in for six years and he still found a way to not care? What if I confronted him about all the things that have been bothering me – his secret-keeping, his lack of letters, his displeasure with my Quidditch playing, the fact that he stopped showing up for me – and nothing changed? What if he didn't have the answers I was looking for? What if he still made it clear that I'd never be good enough for him? What if we just continued to disappoint each other?

I could live with the what-ifs. I couldn't live with finding out that the answers to my what-ifs were everything I hoped they wouldn't be.

I'd rather live in the unknown than face the possibility of the worst kind of truth.

So all I could say to Alice was "I don't know."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I didn't want to return home but Alice kicked me out. Well actually, AJ kicked me out but Alice didn't argue. I think she was convinced that if I stopped avoiding home, I might actually have a conversation with my father.

I wasn't so sure.

The rest of the night went by rather uneventfully. We had our traditional Christmas dinner, stories from past Christmases were swapped with the usual laughter, and not a single fight broke out. But that was probably because most people were avoiding each other. Rose and Albus sat at different ends of the table, a rarity, and Teddy sent me sideways glances all night while my mother still refused to look at me even once. Dad was quiet throughout dinner and Aunt Hermione kept sending warning looks towards Ron every time he opened his mouth which had kept him fairly quiet as well. So dinner came and went and somehow, I managed to survive.

Teddy had tried cornering me a few times but I made it a point to surround myself with Fred and Louis so he couldn't get me alone. There was no way he was going to convince me to talk to Dad and the last thing I wanted was to discuss the situation even more with Teddy when I didn't want to discuss it at all.

The next morning came and the house once again fell into its usual quiet. I took my time pulling myself out of bed, knowing Dad would be off to work at some point in the morning.

It was nearing eleven o'clock when I made an appearance in the kitchen. Albus was there reading the newspaper and Lily was gobbling up leftover pastries. I stole a blueberry scone from her plate, earning myself an expected growl, and popped a piece into my mouth as I slid into the kitchen table in between the two of them.

"You planning to avoid Dad all of holiday break?"

I shot my brother a look, a slight glare in my eyes. "You planning to avoid Rose all break?"

He glanced over his newspaper with a growl. "Not just break."

I rolled my eyes. "She's your best friend, Al. You can't shut her out forever."

"Hey, maybe everyone was right in calling her a bitch all these years."

"Oh, they were not," I grunted. Hesitating, I said, "Well, okay, they were, but she was never a bitch to you so don't start turning her into one now."

His eyes narrowed. "You can't tell me you're actually defending her."

I shrugged. "So she snogged someone. Big bloody deal."

His grip tightened on the edge of the newspaper. "Are you joking right now?" he snapped. "You hex every single guy that dares to _smile_ at a female in our family and you're telling me it's no big deal she's kissing some guy who, by the way, you hate? Who she supposedly hates, too."

"She still hates him," I said.

" _Is that all you have to say_?"

I shrugged again, finding slight amusement in his clear frustration. "Don't worry that angry little head of yours, Al. I'll still find a way to kick his arse when we get back to school."

He rolled his eyes. "Go right ahead."

That somewhat surprised me. I expected him to tell me to lay off Malfoy like he typically did. "I wasn't aware you knew how to hold a grudge," I commented.

He shot me a look. "Must have learned it from you."

I met his gaze, briefly wondering if he was referring to our longtime rivalry or the clear grudge I held for our dear father. I decided it was better not to ask. "Hugo must have gotten the patience genes in our family seeing as he and Lils seemed rather chummy yesterday."

"Don't call me that" is all Lily said.

"Lily having some boyfriend is way different than Rose snogging Scorpius," Albus huffed. "At least Lily and Wood actually like each other."

I shuddered at the thought, ignoring the smirk on my sister's face beside me. "We'll see how much he likes her when he winds up in the hospital wing for a month with blood pouring out of his nose."

Lily growled. "You really want one of your chasers incapacitated for a month?"

I hesitated. "Fine, I'll lessen it to a few days."

"How gallant of you."

I shrugged. "Well, you can't say we don't know how to throw a good party."

Albus rolled his eyes. "That was the exact opposite of _good_ party."

Evidently he missed my sarcasm. "Clearly," I drawled. "I'm thinking next year, I'll skip Christmas with the family. Hole myself up on some private island and ignore the world around me for a few days."

Albus and Lily exchanged a look that baffled me. Lily was supposed to argue with me and Albus was supposed to roll his eyes. Instead, they both looked concerned.

"What?" I sighed at both of them.

They shared another look, one that was chock full of trepidation. Slowly, Lily peeled her eyes off Al and said to me, "Do you actually mean that or are you just being your usual cynical and sarcastic self?"

I blinked in confusion. "I don't know. Why?"

They exchanged yet another look. I found it every annoying.

"Because," Lily muttered, slowly shaking her head at me, "Mum mentioned this morning that there was a good chance we just had our last Christmas as a family together."

I stared at both of them before making the decision to play dumb. "Why? Is someone dying?" I drawled with the roll of my eyes.

"No," Lily sighed. "She assumes that when you go off and become a famous professional Quidditch player, you'll have no problem whatsoever jetting all over the world and leaving us behind."

I frowned but Albus cut me off before I could retort. "Leaving Dad behind," he corrected.

I met my brother's disapproving gaze before turning away from both of them. "I can't imagine he'd be too upset by that," I muttered.

"You're the one who said you wished he wasn't your father," Albus scoffed. "Never once did he say he wish you weren't his son."

He didn't have to say it. His actions made it pretty clear.

I didn't say that aloud. I was not about to get into an argument with a guy who revered my father. His relationship with Dad was far different than mine and I couldn't expect him to understand it.

"I don't understand why you two are the ones questioning my possible future Christmas plans. If Mum is so concerned by it, why doesn't she ask me herself?"

"Well, in case you haven't noticed, she's kinda avoiding you right now in fear that if she doesn't, she may actually strangle you," Albus snorted. "I don't think she fancies herself going to prison. Consider yourself lucky."

I flipped him off and stormed out, not before hearing Lily tell him to shut the fuck up.

I knew she was my favorite Potter.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Another day went by and I still had not spoken a word (or even saw) my parents. I also managed to avoid Teddy, who had tried stopping in to the house, by spending the evening hanging around Leaky Cauldron with Fred and Louis, only managing to get AJ to roll her eyes twice while Alice spent her night between serving the patrons and flicking quarters into shot glasses with us. No one mentioned my outburst with my father once.

I was saying my good-byes to Alice and walking out the Leaky Cauldron doors when I ran into Reese and Isla wandering in. Scowling, I said almost immediately, "Your cousin is looking to get his arse kicked."

Reese frowned and said to Isla, "Go grab us a table. I'll be there in a minute."

Isla looked skeptical but disappeared inside.

Folding her arms across her body, Reese said to me, "My cousin is not as bad as everyone thinks he is so how about you lay off a bit and let Rose and Scorpius work this out on their own?"

I snorted. "Not as bad?" I repeated. "He treats girls like shit."

"Oh, and you don't?" she snapped at me.

I frowned. "I'm not the one snogging any of your cousins."

"And if you were, I'd stay out of it."

I looked at her. "You're telling me that if I decided to casually fool around with Isla, you wouldn't care?"

She flinched. "Ew, she's only fourteen."

I shrugged. "Age hasn't ever really stopped me before."

"You're not interested in Isla so don't pretend that you are," she drawled.

"I'm not interested in anyone, Baby Girl," I responded. "And neither is Malfoy."

"Yeah, well then it's a good thing that Rose isn't interested in him either!" she scoffed. "Don't you see, James? They are just being their own casual version of you and Hattie. So why is it okay for you and Hattie to do it and not them?"

I really did not like the fact that Reese picked up on that fact that there was little difference between what Rose and Malfoy were doing and what Hattie and I were doing.

And before I could even stop myself, I found myself blurting out, "Because maybe it's never just casual. Maybe there's more to it than either are willing to admit."

Her eyebrows flew into her forehead at my subtle message. "Oh really?" she smirked.

Okay, time to backtrack.

"I just don't want to think about the very plausible possibility that my cousin could get dicked over by your cousin."

Her smirk only grew. I really didn't like that. Ignoring my latter comment, she said, "Are you insinuating that it may no longer be just casual between you and Hattie?"

I really wish I knew the answer to that question.

"Because if you are, it's about damned time you admitted it."

Blinking, I glanced down at the Slytherin. "What?"

She shrugged. "I think you both are pretending to be something that you aren't anymore. Maybe you meant nothing to each other once upon a time but it's been over a year. People grow up. They evolve. And yes, that includes even you."

I wasn't entirely sure what to make of it so I thought the best thing to do would be to deflect. "Which is precisely the reason I would very much like Malfoy and Rose to quit what they're doing before it leads to anything more."

Reese sighed. "You're trying to protect someone who doesn't need your protection. Not now anyway."

I frowned. "No offense to your cousin, but Rose deserves better."

She shrugged and said, "No offense to you, but so does Hattie."

Okay, I was getting really tired of everyone trying to offer the opinion to me about the Hattie situation. _Really fucking tired_.

"And I think that's my cue to leave," I drawled, sidestepping past Reese and continuing down the sidewalk.

"For the record," she called out to me, "You deserve better, too."

When I turned around to comment, she was gone.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

It was the following day and Alice was working again. While messing with AJ had its appeal, I found myself alone and bored in my bedroom that particular afternoon. After coming up with a few new Quidditch plays I wanted to try once back at Hogwarts, I found myself with nothing to do. So I decided to write Hattie and apologize for my family's (and my) behavior at the Christmas Eve party. I couldn't just leave that hanging for another week.

But as I wrote Hattie's name at the top of the page, I found myself unable to come up with the words to say. As silly as it sounded, I had never once written to a girl before (who wasn't family or Alice) and I wasn't entirely sure how to come off.

Which confused me.

Because when did I start caring about how I came off to someone of the opposite sex?

Fuck, was my family actually getting to me? Was Alice? And Reese?

I groaned and tossed my quill across my bed, trying to figure out exactly why I had decided to invite her to my family's Christmas Eve party. I had never felt compelled to spend my free time with anyone who wasn't Alice or Fred unless it included a quick shag followed by a good-bye. But I had invited Hattie to the party with no intention of seducing her. The fact that it happened at all had been unexpected.

So the question of the hour, the question everyone but me seemed to be asking, was this: did I fancy her?

I thought I'd just know the answer to that question but I had never let myself develop feelings for anyone before so I was in unchartered and very dangerous territory. There was a reason I kept myself at a distance, which had always seemed to be the easy answer. For so many reasons that had somehow clouded together over the years enough to convince me love didn't exist:

I had never wanted to turn out like my parents or my family, all of whom settled for marriage.

I was just a name. I was just a Potter. Girls saw celebrity status in me only. I was not about to draw close to someone just to find out it was just a fantasy they were interested in, not me.

I stopped trusting people the moment my own father blind-sided and backstabbed and betrayed me.

I had a ten-foot wall surrounding my already broken heart that I refused to let anyone penetrate.

Being vulnerable was not something I was good at nor was it something I ever wanted to be.

Girls were jealous of my friendship with Alice and there was no way in hell I was going to let someone come between us.

I was a total screw-up who anyone would be smart enough to run from before things got anywhere close to serious.

And yet as strange as it sounded, I had let Hattie into my crazy, screwed up world a long time ago and she hadn't run screaming.

That had to be some sort of sign.

Question was, what kind of sign was it?

I didn't have an answer to that question but I couldn't just start at the page anymore. So I let out a lofty sigh and began to write.

 _December 27_ _th_ _, 12:45 PM_

 _Hattie,_

 _Remember when I invited you to my family's Christmas Eve party and said it would be fun? I must have confused my family for someone else's._

 _I'm sorry that I didn't get a chance to say good-bye. It was pretty shitty of me to invite you and then completely bail. Please say you'll forgive me or I'll have to find a way to earn your forgiveness._

 _On second thought, don't forgive me. I've already got ideas brewing in my head. Insert winky face here._

 _(Feel free to ignore the fact that I just said winky face.)_

 _This is the part where I'd typically ask how your Christmas was but I have a feeling you'll then ask about mine and I'd rather just avoid the subject altogether. Something tells me you won't be too upset about that._

 _If I'm wrong, feel free to smack me the next time you see me for being insensitive._

 _Hope things are going well. A bunch of us are planning to hit up the seedy side of West Elm for New Year's Eve if you're interested. I promise that no one in my family will be there._

 _Except for Fred._

 _And Louis._

 _And maybe Rose if Albus is still being a stick in the mud in a week._

 _But I can hold off on rowing with them until Hogwarts if it means getting you to join us._

 _See you soon?_

 _James_

 **XOXOXO**

 _December 27_ _th_ _, 1:15 PM_

 _Hey James,_

 _I was surprised to hear from you. I figured you'd wait until the Hogwarts train to, how'd you put it, "find a way to earn my forgiveness."_

 _Great, now_ I _have ideas brewing in_ my _head._

 _But alas, I forgive you. You were dealing with a lot and I thought it was best to leave you be. I actually had a really good time._

 _I know the night didn't exactly end on a high note for you but if there's anyone who understands the complications of family, it's me._

 _Speaking of, thank you for not actually asking about my Christmas. Teaser alert: I ended up storming out very much like you did on Christmas Eve._

 _Parents can really suck sometimes._

 _I wound up spending most of my Christmas evening in the woods behind my house flying around on my broom. I'm pretty sure I got frostbite but the chill in the air was better than the chill in my house. Let's pretend it's not totally pathetic of me to spend what is supposed to be the merriest of holidays alone with only my broom to keep me company._

 _Great. Here I am spilling all of my woes after I just thanked you for not asking about my Christmas. Feel free to ignore the last few paragraphs._

 _You sure inviting me to New Year's Eve is a great idea considering what happened at the last holiday event you invited me to?_

 _See you soon,_

 _Hattie_

 **XOXOXO**

I read her letter and smiled when I realized her method of getting away from it all was the very same method I used: flying. Even in the middle of winter, there was nothing more freeing than taking to the sky.

Laying back against my pillow, I felt my smile fade at the sudden realization of how much I had in common with Hattie Wilkes. We both played a mean game of Quidditch, our relationship with our families was rocky at best, we appreciated the art of casual sex, and the only way to put aside all of the bullshit going on inside of our heads (and hearts) was to get up on our brooms.

I thought back to what Alice had said on Christmas morning, how perhaps I didn't know how to want a relationship so it was easier pretending I didn't want it at all. I knew a part of her was right. I had recoiled at the idea of commitment for so long that I had convinced myself it wasn't worth the burden, especially with some girl I cared little about. But this was Hattie. She wasn't someone I cared little about. If she was, I would have stopped shagging her a long time ago.

And yet I hadn't. There was something so easy, so effortless when I was with her, even those few times we weren't actually shagging. She had a bubbly personality and could always make me laugh. She was smart and challenging and unlike most girls, she wasn't easy to read which I found endearing. I liked talking to her. I liked laughing with her. I liked her.

Holy shit.

Was this what fancying someone felt like?

Were Alice and Reese and my family right all this time? Had I at some point developed feelings for Hattie and just never let myself see it? Was I just too afraid to want something with her that I pretended not to want anything at all? Could I see her as my girlfriend? _Was_ she my girlfriend, just without the title?

So many questions. And I wasn't entirely sure what any of the answers were supposed to be.

But as I stared down at my empty parchment, I couldn't help but think that for the first time in my entire life, I was actually interested in finding out the answers to those very complex questions.

 _December 27_ _th_ _, 2:00 PM_

 _Hattie,_

 _Why wait until the Hogwarts Express to earn your forgiveness? What do you say we grab a drink tomorrow night and I fill you in on my big plans? I may even be able to convince you that spending New Year's Eve with me is in your best interest._

 _James_

 **XOXOXO**

It didn't take her long at all to response.

 _December 27_ _th_ _, 2:10 PM_

 _Why, that sounds an awful lot like a date, James Potter…._

 _Hattie_

 **XOXOXO**

I wrote my own response rather quickly. But it took me nearly an hour before I found the courage to send it.

 _December 27_ _th_ _, 3:00 PM_

 _Hattie._

 _And so what if it is?_

 _James_

 **XOXOXO**

An hour went by with no reply. Then another. And then I wondered if I would have been better off not staying anything at all.

I was still considering how to rectify the situation when there was a knock on my bedroom door.

Imagine my surprise when I pulled myself off the bed and opened the door to find Hattie standing there.

"Hattie," I said with a hesitant smile.

She looked at me, her eyes unexpectedly cold, before she said, "What the hell was that last letter?"

Bewilderment settled into my expression. "Er… I thought that was kinda obvious."

Her eyes narrowed at me as she invited herself into my room, shoving past me and turning around to say, "Tell me, James, are you really that big of an asshole or are you just a moron?"

I shut the door behind us before turning towards her, trying to recall what could have possibly set her off. I came up blank. With a shrug, I said, "I suppose I'm hoping it's the latter."

Her arms folded across her body. "I was going to suggest you were both."

I sighed. "Why don't you stop beating around the bush and just tell me what the hell it is I did?"

"You asked me out on a bloody date!"

I blinked. "Yeah. I did. Not sure why that has resulted in you yelling at me, though."

Her nostrils flared. "One word, Potter: _Code_."

I froze.

Shit.

How did I miss that?

Regret settled into my heart. All I could say was "Oh."

She looked momentarily confused before the anger flared up once again. "'Oh?' That's all you have to say?"

I sighed. "Yeah," I muttered with a shake of the head. "I-I wasn't thinking."

Her eyes narrowed into dangerous slits. "You live and swear by the goddamned Code, Potter," she hissed. "Don't you dare act like you forgot about it."

I glanced up at her in slight confusion. "But…" I trailed off, confused. "Why would I ask you out if I remembered the Code?"

" _You tell me_."

I stared at her, still unsure why she looked so livid. "Sometimes even I make mistakes, Hattie," I said guiltily.

She said nothing, her eyes studying me closely. The anger that was just there slowly faded into reluctance. "So asking me out was a mistake then?"

It might have been better if I just said yes, it was a mistake. Maybe we could have had a laugh about it, blown past the sudden awkwardness, and gone right back to doing exactly what we had been doing. Maybe. But telling her it was a mistake asking her out was like saying she was a mistake. And that was the last thing she was.

"No," I spoke softly, "Asking you out wasn't the mistake. Forgetting about the Code was."

She went quiet again, her eyes not straying from mine. The look in her eye softened and her expression became one of sunken anguish. When she spoke, her words surprised me. "We both know this isn't anything more than two people casually fooling around for the fun of it," she said and I could have sworn there was a panicky tone in her voice. "You don't have to pretend you want it to be something it isn't."

I frowned. "Why do you think I'm pretending?"

"Because why would you mean it?"

I was getting increasingly insulted by her accusations, even if they were somewhat justified. It's not like I had ever asked anyone out on a date before so this was completely new and unchartered territory for me. But I wasn't completely convinced that I had been in the wrong.

"Because why wouldn't I?" I fired back with a mere shrug. "You're beautiful and funny and incredibly sexy. We have a good time together and I just found out that we have a lot in common, some good and some not so good but we seem to understand each other more than I ever realized. You're incredibly smart and very analytical which means you manage to push my buttons sometimes but I like that you keep me on my toes. And maybe the idea of dating scares the shit out of me but for some reason when I consider doing it with you, it doesn't sound so bad."

She was staring at me with wide eyes. Her cheeks were flushed and her mouth was hanging slightly open. I couldn't read her expression so I instead wondered if I just completely scared her off or if maybe she didn't completely hate my sappy retort.

"Do you really mean that?" she spoke softly, her voice with faint awe.

I nodded. "Of course."

Her eyes softened slightly. "You really weren't trying to mess with me, were you."

I blinked multiple times, the question baffling me. "You thought I was messing with you?"

She said nothing.

"How?" I asked, shaking my head. "Why?"

Her lips pursed, a guilty look crossing her expression. "I don't know," she muttered with an awkward shrug, "You've never shown any interest in taking this further in the year and a half we've been shagging so I thought it was some sort of joke. Pretend you're interested but use the Code as your scapegoat. Make yourself feel like you're not a total fuck up while totally fucking me up."

My eyebrows shot way up into my forehead at that last comment. If I had thought I was insulted before, that was nothing compared to what I felt now. "Oh, so not only am I supposedly messing with you, I'm also a total fuck up?"

She shot me a look. "Tell me you don't think so."

Of course I was a total fuck up. But I didn't need her to tell me that. In fact, this whole conversation has taken a rather drastic turn into the realm of absurdity and it irritated me more than I would have liked to admit. All I had done was ask her out on a date and she suddenly thought I was some maniacal douchebag conspiring against her?

And this is precisely why I don't ask girls out.

"I might be an asshole most of the time, Hattie," I retaliated, my own voice now frigid with frustration, "But I've never once had to pretend anything with you. But it's nice to know that the girl I've been sleeping with for the past year thinks so very low of me. Clearly asking you out was in fact a mistake."

I saw the surprise in her eyes and thought perhaps I had taken it a little too far but I didn't apologize, instead waiting for her to respond.

It took her a while before she found her voice. "I had to believe it was some game to you because I didn't want to believe the opposite."

I mulled over her words. "You didn't want to believe I meant it?" I concluded, my brow furrowing.

She met my gaze with a single nod.

I took that to mean the worst. "If you didn't like me, if you didn't want to say yes, if you didn't want us to be anything more, you could have just told me," I said with a shrug. "I'm a big boy. I can handle rejection."

She let out a light laugh. "Good Godric, you can be so oblivious sometimes."

My eyebrow shot up. "I feel like you've just been spending this entire time insulting me," I said with a teasing grin.

She just smiled and shrugged. Turning away from me, she nodded towards the door. "I should probably go," she said with another shrug.

I gaped at her. "That's it? I ask you out, you say I'm playing games, you call me a fuck up, I promptly take back my date request, you sorta, kinda, but not really reject me and call me oblivious, and then you leave?"

She was struggling to hold back a laugh. "Uh, yeah, I think that pretty much sums it up," she teased and she followed it up with a smile that lit up her face.

Which made me frown. "You never actually answered my question," I spoke hesitantly.

"What question?"

I shouldn't have continued and yet I did anyway. "If I asked you out, what would you say?"

Panic appeared in her eyes again. "It doesn't matter," she spoke hastily. "There's a Code in place that says it can't happen."

"Forget about the Code for a moment," I pleaded.

"I can't forget about the Code, James," she muttered, quickly turning away from me. "It exists. It's there. That'll never change."

"You're avoiding the question," I whispered.

Desperation now stared back at me. "I have to."

"Why?"

Her bottom lip trembled but she said nothing, the question dangling tauntingly in the air.

"Hattie," I spoke again, my voice filled with an unexpected desperation. "Why do you have to avoid the question?"

She turned away from me and I could have sworn I saw a twinkle of tears reflecting in the corners of her eyes. "Because, James," she whispered, "More than anything, I want to say yes."

My eyebrow shot up. "Really?"

"Yeah, really," she spoke, her bottom lip trembling. "You're funny and you're smart and loyal and spontaneous and when I'm with you, I'm somehow able to just forget about everything else going on around me. And even though you don't always act like a decent human being because you are so damned afraid of letting down your guard for even just a moment, I feel like I've seen the real you. I feel like you've shown me the part of you that you're afraid to show others. The sweet, genuine, likable part of you that makes me laugh more than anyone else in the world and who tells me I'm beautiful not just because you're trying to shag me but because you believe it and that makes me believe it. The guy who at some point in the past eighteen months I've stupidly fallen for even though I just keep trying to convince myself that I'm just another girl to you and you're just another guy to me. Only you're not just another guy, James. I really care about you and now you're telling me that you possibly care about me, too, and I love that and hate it all at the same time because I told myself it would never happen, that it couldn't happen, that you'd never see me as anything more than just that girl in a broom cupboard. And yet here it is, happening. Only we can't do a goddamned thing about it so I guess it doesn't really matter how I feel or how you feel, now does it?"

All I could do was stare at her as she finished her unexpected rant, my heart filling with a sort of tenderness I had never experienced before. There was something so raw and honest in her words that made me feel something I hadn't ever felt before, an intense longing of sorts. I wanted to scoop her up in my arms and never let go, letting this oddly perfect moment be suspended in time so that we could just be together without any repercussions.

Only there were repercussions. There was an entire Code that said we couldn't date. I didn't know if it was irony or a coincidence or if it was just a cruel joke, but of course the moment I realized there was a girl out there I could see myself actually falling for also happened to be the moment I realized it would never happen.

I didn't particularly believe in God but if I did, I could understand why people said he worked in mysterious ways.

Mysterious bullshit ways.

I should have pulled away but instead I said, "Don't hate me for doing this."

Her eyebrows furrowed. "For doing what?"

I smashed my lips against hers.

She kissed me back, that moment exploding with such overwhelming passion. The heat between us has always been strong but now more than ever, there was a desperate need driving us towards each other, our hearts beating with unbridled intensity.

Her hands were in my hair when I found myself practically throwing her on to my mattress as I hovered over her, our lips never parting. Her legs wrapped around me as our tongues fought for dominance, and one of us, or maybe even both of us, moaned as her hips pressed firmly against my pelvis.

Her shirt was quickly discarded, followed by a flimsy tank top, and my T-shirt joined her clothes on the floor. We were a frenzy of arms, bumping roughly together in our eagerness to undress. My raw desire for her all but seared my skin as her bra-covered breasts stared up at me tauntingly. I met her fiery gaze as I peeled off the bra, leaving her exposed on top.

Our kisses became even more desperate as our hands and then our mouths explored every crevice of our bodies. My lips trailed down her jaw and her neck and her breasts and eventually landed on her bare flat stomach, right above the clasp on her jeans.

I unbuttoned her jeans and tore the zipper down and she sat up for barely a moment to kick her jeans off, sending them flying clear across the room. She pulled my jeans off and they fell to the floor, her lacy black underwear calling for me to tear it off with my mere teeth.

There was something about that moment, as my tongue licked across her abdomen dangerously close to the edge of her knickers, that felt different than all others before it. This wasn't just a need for an orgasm. It wasn't just another excuse to have sex. I actually wanted her – maybe even needed her – in a way that had never crossed my mind before. My heart was racing, my stomach warm with anxious butterflies, and every move I made no longer seemed calculated but desperate.

I didn't know if she felt it, too, but in that moment her eyes met mine followed by a shy smile and it was almost as if this was the very first time we were doing this together, unexpected nerves dancing around our heads. I ignored them by kissing her and before long, her underwear was gone and so were my boxers.

Normally, I'd just plunge myself into her and let the moment take over but I surprised both of us when I lowered my mouth to her clit and sucked.

I heard her inhale sharply, followed by an illicit gasp, and I smiled wickedly, swirling my tongue around her private area and hardening with every sound she made. She moaned, she groaned, she whimpered with every movement my tongue made and she shuddered when I inserted two fingers inside of her. She wriggled underneath my touch, her face flushing as I removed my fingers and replaced them with my mouth, flicking my fingers across her clit until I felt her tense up and cry out in ecstasy.

She breathed heavily, coming down from her high, before she dared to look at me, a slight shake of her head telling me whatever the hell I just did was unexpected. For the record, it was unexpected for me, too.

"That was…" she trailed off, not even able to find the words.

I smirked as I leaned over and pressed my lips hastily against hers. Before I knew it, I was flipped over on to my back and she was on top of me, wearing her own smirk. She winked at me before plunging her mouth over my cock and I hissed at the unexpected gesture. She chuckled, the vibrations against my cock sending a moan out of my mouth.

Her hand was wrapped firmly around me, her tongue swirling the head, and it only took a few minutes for me to realize that I wouldn't last like this. I jerked away, shaking my head as I said, "I need to be inside of you."

She seemed to understand that the gesture wasn't an insult as she chuckled impishly, tossing her hair over her shoulder as her eyes met mine. I leaned over to my bedside table and grabbed my wand, hissing the Contraception Charm and feeling a warm sensation circle around my cock.

With a zealous twinkle in her eye, she moved up my body and straddled herself above me, teasing me for a few unbearable seconds before she plunged herself over me and we both let out a desperate cry. She took it achingly slow at first, my cock throbbing inside of her as she moved herself up and down at a gradual pace before slamming herself over me, my cock filling her entirely. She rocked her hips back and forth fervently, both of us letting out equal moans of pleasure, before I shifted myself at the last second and she pulled herself off of me, scooting to the side.

I took her from behind, burying myself deep inside of her, everything from the tip to the base now enveloped by her heat. We were both panting heavily, everything inside of us pulsating with every move I made. I didn't slow down. I thrust in and out, faster and harder, gripping her hips tightly until I couldn't take it anymore. I felt her tighten around me as she let out an intense moan and I replied with my own cry at the explosion of my climax. My head reared back, blinded by unadulterated pleasure, breathless with the awe and shock.

As the high wore down, I slowly eased out of her and slid down beside her, my arms instinctively pulling her into my embrace. We said nothing at first, the intensity of what just happened wearing us both down.

A few minutes had passed and I sadly knew that whatever incredible moment we just had was slowly moving towards a finality I wasn't ready for. I knew we couldn't lay there forever, as much as we would have wanted to. In the very least, we would have to climb back into our clothes before my parents returned home and possibly interrupted us.

(Then again, they were both ignoring me so there was a good chance I could lie here naked with Hattie for days and no one would take notice.)

I turned to look at Hattie and the slight movement made her look up at me with a hesitant smile. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to say and she clearly was at a loss for words, too, because we didn't speak as we just stared at each other, loving that simple tender moment for what it was.

Eventually she turned away, the edges of her mouth tugging into a frown. I knew then that the moment had passed.

"As amazing as that was, it doesn't change anything," she murmured, her body pressed up tightly against mine.

All I could do was nod.

"I could quit the team," she suggested.

I laughed. "I wouldn't let you do that."

She shrugged. "Alright, fine, you quit the team."

I shot her a look and she laughed right before she got quiet again. "We can't be anything more than we are," she said softly.

We both knew she was right but it still made my heart flutter with an unexpected sadness. I never thought I'd actually have feelings for a girl and when I do, I can't act on them. Was life always this unfair?

"Who says we have to tell anyone what we are?" I suggested hesitantly. "Let everyone assume we're still just shagging for fun."

There was a long silence before she spoke. "I've been pretending not to have feelings for you for so long, James. I don't know if I can keep doing it knowing that you have feelings for me, too."

I knew she was right but I still hated it. "Yeah," I said with a reluctant sigh. "I know."

As I leaned over to press a kiss to her forehead, she melted into my touch with a lengthy sigh. The awkwardness of our situation danced around us almost tauntingly for I didn't know what to do and it was clear Hattie didn't know either. We fell into another lull of quiet before Hattie broke it once again. "I don't think I can do this anymore," she whispered.

I really did not like the sound of that but I didn't blame her for saying what we were both thinking. We couldn't pretend today's conversation hadn't happened. We couldn't act as if we hadn't just announced to each other that there were feelings involved. We couldn't let our hearts get involved any further than they already were. I wanted nothing more than to continue doing what we had been doing but the problem was, it was no longer casual. And neither one of us were looking to complicate our lives any more than they probably already were.

"I wish I had something better to say than just 'okay,'" I murmured, suddenly more confused than ever.

"I don't know if there's anything left to say," she whispered, her words desperate against her tongue.

I felt an ache swell inside of my heart at the very prospect of letting her go at the moment that things were just getting good, but I didn't know what else to do. I couldn't break the Code. I wouldn't. This year's Quidditch playoffs meant too much to me and as much as I admittedly cared for Hattie, it wasn't worth giving up my chances at a future in the professional Quidditch world. And I knew that if we couldn't be anything then nothing was all we could be. She said she couldn't pretend not to have feelings for me and while pretending is all I've ever really been good at, I wasn't looking to pretend with her either.

"Well," I sighed with a slight shake of the head, a smirk perched at the end of my lips, "You know what they say. It's not worth going out unless you go out with a _bang_."

She blinked, turning to me with an upturned mouth before bursting into laughter. "That was the worst pun ever."

"I thought it was pretty clever," I chuckled.

Another laugh spilled from her lips before silence fell over us once again. It lingered for only a moment before Hattie slowly pulled herself off the bed, taking our entire relationship with her.

I watched her gather her clothes and throw them on, an ache stabbing my heart every time she found a new article of clothes. I had had a really good thing going with her and I completely ruined it by asking her out.

What the hell was wrong with me?

I tossed on my boxers that were hanging at the edge of my bed and reached for a dirty T-shirt dangling over my desk chair, all without getting off the bed. I was certain if I moved off the bed, I'd grab her for round two.

She tossed her hair into a ponytail before glancing back towards me. "So," she spoke softly, "I guess this is it."

The words felt stiff and awkward but what did you say to the person you just spend a year and a half shagging that you were now forced to say good-bye to?

I couldn't imagine Hallmark made a greeting card for that scenario.

"Don't go," I practically pleaded. "Not yet."

I saw such raw sadness in her eyes as she looked over at me. "I have to," she spoke softly. "If I don't, there's a good chance I'll never leave."

"Perfect, I've always wanted a female roommate."

The ends of her mouth turned upward but she said nothing, glancing towards the door hesitantly.

She took one step towards the door before I blurted out, "I'm sorry I screwed this up."

She turned towards me with a small shake of the head. "You didn't screw anything up, James," she said softly. "In a way, I'm glad it happened. At least I know now that you really did care about me. It wasn't all in my head."

All I could do was nod, wondering why I thought caring about her was a good idea if all it got me was a preemptive breakup.

She smiled at me, reaching for my hand and squeezing it. "I'll see you back at school?"

Her hand was on my doorknob when once again I stopped her. "You should still come out for New Year's Eve."

Hesitating, she turned around. "That seems counterintuitive."

I shrugged. "It's better than your alternative," I pointed out, knowing she wouldn't want to ring in the New Year with her family.

She frowned. "So…what? We're just supposed to be friends now?" she sighed.

I shrugged again. "It's better than the alternative," I spoke softly for the thought of losing her completely caused an ache in my heart.

She met my gaze in slight surprise before frowning. "Dragon's Lair at eight o'clock?"

I nodded. "Yeah. And hey, maybe I'll even help you find a guy to snog at midnight."

She looked at me skeptically before bursting into laughter. "I'll hold you to that," she teased as she finally pulled open my door.

At the last minute, I felt myself stumble off the bed and reach for her arm. She turned towards me, confused, but before she could say anything, I pressed my lips to hers one last time.

It was a good-bye kiss and we both knew it.

When we pulled apart, she looked at me and said, "Thank you for caring about me, James."

"Thank you for making it easy."

And then she disappeared down the stairs.

And I spent the rest of the day wondering if I just let the best thing that might have ever happened to me walk out the door forever.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

 **A/N:** Well that was a lot of information crammed into one chapter. We get a little bit of Harry-James relationship, some Lily-James relationship, some Teddy-James, and of course the end all be all, Hattie-James. I love those two together and yet Code says they can't date. Just when we all thought James might be growing up a little.

Next up: New Year's Eve


	14. Just Another New Year's Eve

**A/N:** Thank you all for so many wonderful reviews! They are what keeps me going. I'm loving the mixed reviews on Team Hattie vs. Team Alice. Always interesting to see how people interpret my characters. And now with New Year's Eve upon us, how will the night end for the wonderfully broody James Potter?

* * *

 **A WAY WITH WORDS**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 14: Just Another New Year's Eve

" _It's not the worst you know,  
We've come through all the rest,  
We'll get through this.  
We've made mistakes,  
But we've made good friends too.  
Remember all the nights we spent with them?  
And all our plans,  
Who says they can't come true?  
Tonight's another chance to start again.  
It's just another New Year's Eve,  
Another night like all the rest."  
_-Barry Manilow

* * *

"LILY, IF YOU DON'T GET YOUR ARSE DOWN HERE THIS MINUTE, I'M TAKING AL TO THE MATCH INSTEAD!"

A string of profanities followed before Lily finally stormed down the stairs in her Holyhead Harpies sweatshirt, a glare etched into her expression. "I have the tickets, you dimwit. And I think we both know there s no way in hell you are going to spend one-on-one alone time for a few hours with our dear brother."

I hated it when Lily was smarter than me.

I shrugged. "Fine, then I'll take Ace."

"Once again, I remind you that _I have the tickets_."

I chuckled. "C'mon, let's go watch the Harpies cream the Arrows."

She grinned, bouncing down the remaining steps as we headed towards the sitting room.

"How late will you two be out?"

I stiffened, turning around to notice my mother staring at Lily. " _Mum_ ," Lily sighed, "You were a professional Quidditch player once. A Harpy no less. You know there's no telling how long these matches will last."

"I want you home before midnight."

"What if the match isn't over before then!?" she groaned.

"Then you'll have watched eleven straight hours of Quidditch and can listen to the rest of it in the comfort of our own home."

" _Mum_."

"When was the last time a match lasted eleven hours, Lils?" I pointed out, nudging her. "We'll be home before midnight I'm sure."

"It's the principle of the matter."

I shrugged. "Don't push your luck or she'll make it eight o'clock."

Lily made a face before turning back towards Mum. "Fine, we will be home at midnight and not a minute sooner, even if the match only lasts an hour."

"That's what we call pushing your luck," I groaned.

Lily bounced over to press a kiss to Mum's cheek before turning back around and heading towards the fireplace.

I met my mother's gaze, an iciness staring back at me. "Don't worry, I'll keep an eye on her, Mum."

Mum looked at me and nodded before turning around and walking away.

"Good thing I'm wearing this sweatshirt. It just got cold in here."

I shot Lily a glare. "Seriously, I'll take Ace with me to the match."

"Seriously, I still have the tickets."

Dammit.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"So how was your visit with Hattie yesterday?"

I froze, glancing over at my smug sister. The game was set to start in ten minutes and we each had a butterbeer in our hands that was thankfully laced with a heating spell.

"You knew she was there?" I muttered.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Who do you think let her into the house?"

Hm, hadn't thought of that at the time.

"Oh."

Lily smirked, nudging me with her elbow. "She was in your room for an awfully long time."

I rolled my eyes. "We were just talking."

Lily let out a boisterous laugh. "When she left, her sweater was on backwards."

I said nothing.

"You do realize that I'm very aware of what you get up to, don't you?"

"Considering you announced to our entire family what a manwhore I am, yeah, I'm aware that you know," I spoke with an air of bitterness.

Awkwardness fell over the two of us as Lily's cheeks flushed. "That was pretty horrible of me, wasn't it," she murmured.

I shrugged. "Can't say I didn't deserve it."

She offered me an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry," she said softly. "I shouldn't have done that."

I shrugged again. "It's fine. I'm sure it's nothing they weren't already somewhat aware of."

She grimaced. "I still shouldn't have said it."

I frowned. "No," I murmured, "You shouldn't have."

She turned to look at me, the guilt evident in her expression. "I'm sorry, James."

"You said that already."

"I felt like it needed to be said again."

I glanced down at her with a small smile. "It's fine. I forgive you."

Relief filled her eyes. "Can I ask you something?"

"What's with all the questions?" I groaned.

She ignored me. "Has anyone brought up what I said to you since?"

"Like who?" I drawled. "It's not as if either of the parental units are speaking to me at the moment."

She hesitated before saying, "You kinda deserve that, too."

I just nodded.

She snuck a peek in my direction. "Any chance you could be honest with me for a brief second?"

I met her curious gaze before shrugging. "Depends what you want to know."

As I predicted, she said, "Did you mean what you said to Dad?"

I was getting rather tired of that question. "You really want the honest answer?" I said hesitantly.

She looked at me and nodded.

"I don't know whether I meant it or not."

When I said nothing more, she frowned. "Okay."

I was expecting a lot more than a simple 'okay.' "That's it?"

She shrugged. "I can't pretend I know or even really understand why your relationship with Dad is the way it is but I think I've finally realized that it's not up to me to understand. It's between you and Dad. And maybe one day, you'll figure out a way to work it out. Maybe one day, you'll actually have a deep and meaningful conversation with each other. Or maybe one day, you won't. But either way, it doesn't change my relationship with Dad and it doesn't change my relationship with you so it's not up to me to intervene."

Considering all the people who seemed to have opinions on my nonexistent relationship with my father, I felt unexpected relief that there was one person who didn't. "Y'know, Lils," I said with a light chuckle, "I think you may be my favorite person in the world right now."

She grinned and then said, "So, now that the Dad stuff is out of the way, why don't you tell me what's really going on with you and Hattie?"

"I take it back. You aren't my favorite person right now."

Laughing, she nudged me with her shoulder, "C'mon, tell your insightful younger sister what's going on with you two."

I didn't answer right away, not entirely sure I even knew the answer. "Well," I muttered, slumping down on the bench with a sigh, "Nothing now."

Lily stared at me as if she was studying me. She started to hold up her fingers. "One, that insinuates something was happening before now. And two, why nothing now?"

This was not the kind of conversation I was planning to have with my little sister when I bought her the Quidditch tickets. It wasn't the kind of conversation I had been planning to have with anyone. I had spent most of the prior evening lying in bed and staring at the ceiling, trying to come up with a solution that benefited both myself and Hattie without any possible awkwardness ensuing.

I spent four hours staring at that ceiling and all I learned was that it had twelve cracks.

"Well, it can't be anything," I eventually said, "So it has to be nothing."

Her eyebrow quirked far into her forehead. "Did you want it to be something?"

I didn't answer.

I really hoped the match would start soon.

"Well, I'll be damned," she said with a tiny chuckle. "If you want it, then why does it have to be nothing?"

"It just does," I said, probably a bit too demandingly.

Her eyebrow quirked upward. "It's not like you're immune to relationships, James, even if you wish you were. You're allowed to want them. You're allowed to have actual feelings. You're allowed to be like every other teenager in this world who has the angsty libido to swoon for someone."

"I'm not exactly one to swoon," I drawled, shooting her a look.

She sighed. "You totally missed the point of what I was saying."

"I didn't miss it. I just ignored it."

She let out another sigh and turned away, glancing towards the empty field with a curious frown. "What happened that had you putting an end to it?"

"Who said I was the one who put an end to it?"

"That was a collective 'you,' as in both you and Hattie."

I let out a grunt. "It doesn't matter."

She stole a peek in my direction. "Sounds like it might."

"No, it doesn't," I was quick to argue. "She knew she couldn't say yes to me and we knew that that meant it had to be over."

Her eyebrow slowly crept into her forehead. "Say yes to what?"

I said nothing.

"Did you ask her out?"

I still said nothing.

She smirked. "I bet you totally asked her out."

"Oh, look, the game it about to start," I drawled.

She glanced towards the empty field. "No, it's not."

"Sure it is. Any minute now."

Her smirk reappeared and I stared down at the empty bench in front of us to ignore it.

"Y'know, James," Lily said, taking a sip of her butterbeer and placing it into the cup holder in front of her, "When I was younger, I always assumed you and Alice would end up together."

I did a double-take, staring at my sister incredulously. " _What_?"

She giggled. "You two were alwaystogether. Still are. You could read each other's minds and you had so many inside jokes and you could laugh together for hours. I was jealous of it. Hell, I think most people were. So yeah, I just assumed you'd marry her one day and let that be it."

"I don't want to marry her."

"Why not? She's pretty awesome."

This conversation had taken a strange turn. "I know she is, she's my best friend. Doesn't mean I want to marry her."

Lily shrugged. "So marry Hattie."

"I'm eighteen. How about I don't marry anyone?"

"You're seventeen," she pointed out. "You have two more months until your eighteenth birthday."

"I don't want to marry anyone at seventeen either."

Lily chuckled. "What I'm trying to say is, James, is that you let one girl into your life and it's worked out pretty great for you thus far. It's okay to let others in, too."

I had tried letting Hattie in but was instead forced to let her go.

So maybe I was better off just sticking with Alice.

I was thankfully saved from having to respond when the match started.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

The match ended in four hours, a tight race between seekers, but the Harpies came out with the win 410-240. They had only been up by twenty points when the snitch was spotted so every fan in the stands was on their feet screaming at the top of their lungs for their respective team's seeker to pull out the win. There was a collective groan from Arrows fans when longtime veteran Desiree Hammond on the Harpies held up her fist that was securely wrapped around the snitch.

I had never seen Lily so excited before.

We decided to make a pit stop at the Leaky Cauldron where I told Lily I'd buy her dinner (translation: I'd ask Alice to comp our meal) so there we were in one of the booths reliving the match with one another.

"I thought when Culder got that elbow to the nose, we were doomed," Lily said with the shake of her head. "But Wegman stepped in and made us all forget that she was just a reserve. She scored four goals in a row!"

"Yes, I know, Lils, I was there," I laughed.

" _And did you see Hammond's dive at the end_? She is unstoppable!"

I laughed again, letting Lily continue with her fangirl obsession.

"Hey, guys," Alice greeted, coming up beside us. "How was the match?"

" _Incredible!_ " Lily nearly shrieked, bouncing on her seat like a five-year-old kid. "Brylee Wegman signed my sweatshirt! Do you see? _Right there_."

She was holding out the pocket on her sweatshirt and Alice glanced over with a smile. "Well, that she did. I wouldn't be surprised if she got called up to start next year. There are rumors of Lisbeth Harrow retiring."

"What? _No_!" Lily groaned. "Harrow and Culder are the perfect chaser duo!"

"Yeah, but she's been married for four years and word on the street is she's looking to start popping out some kids."

"Who gives up Quidditch for a family that doesn't even exist yet?" I muttered, shaking my head. "Isn't she only twenty-five? She has plenty of time for the live-in-the-suburbs, toddler-chasing, be-a-boring-adult crap."

While Alice rolled her eyes, Lily responded. "Well, of course you'd think that," she snorted. "To you, Quidditch comes before all else."

"And don't you forget it," I teased.

Lily's head cocked to the side suddenly, her eyes narrowing curiously in a way that I really did not like. "The Code."

I glanced up at Alice hoping for some understanding but she merely shrugged. I looked back over at my sister. "What about the Code?"

She frowned, her eyes staring intensely through mine. "That's why nothing can happen with Hattie, right? Because of the stupid Code."

I stiffened, ignoring Alice beside me whose eyebrows shot upward into her forehead. "No," I lied.

Lily shook her head. "Unbelievable. You finally grow up and allow yourself to actually like a girl and you let the Code get in your way."

I could feel Alice's shocked eyes on me but I continued to ignore her, instead glaring at Lily. "I never said I liked Hattie."

"I read between the lines."

"Then get some new lines to read because you're way off."

Lily glanced towards Alice. "Alert the press: my brother finally learned what a crush is."

" _I did not."_

"Did you or did you not agree that you had wanted something more-"

"Lily, I would hate to end what I would consider a rather successful brother-sister outing by hexing you," I hissed.

Lily only shrugged, clearly not as perturbed by this conversation that I was. I was just grateful she sensed my tone and ceased her mocking.

Or maybe it was because CJ Wood walked into the pub at that time.

Her face lit up and I turned around to see who it was, immediately scowling. "Ace, enforce your right to refuse customers and kick him out."

She shot me a look. " _I_ reserve the right to refuse customers, not you."

I scoffed. "You're supposed to be on my side."

She merely shrugged as CJ dragged himself over to our booth. He smiled over at Lily before glancing towards me. I found myself filled with sick satisfaction that his smile immediately disappeared.

"How was the match?" he asked, flitting his eyes back towards Lily again.

Her eyes grew wide with glee. "Holy hell, it was awesome!" she squealed as she dove into a play-by-play with him.

Alice used that time to glance over at me, curiosity in her eyes. I had a feeling she was still thinking about what Lily had said earlier. "You finally admitted it?" she asked me softly.

I met her gaze. "I don't know what you're talking about," I lied.

She bit down on the inside of her lip, hesitance settling into her expression. "You finally admitted it."

This time, it wasn't a question.

I was grateful for the interruption, though it took me a moment to realize CJ was speaking to me. "James?"

Glancing over, my eyebrow quirked. "Yeah, what?"

He frowned again. He seemed to do that a lot around me. "I know you hate me right now, so-"

"Let's just say you're not in my Top Ten," I drawled, earning a smack to the shoulder by Alice and a glare from my sister.

"-so if you want me to quit the team, I would."

Wait, what?

"What? _No!_ " Lily groaned, grabbing CJ's arm.

He pulled it away, his gaze never leaving mine.

"You want to quit the team over some bloody girl?" I bemoaned.

"Oy, I'm not just _some_ girl!" Lily scoffed.

"No," CJ said to me with the shake of the head, ignoring my sister. "I just know how much the team means to you and if you think I'll be a distraction for you or get in your way, I'll back off because I don't want to mess up your chances of getting to the finals or even winning them."

I stared at him, my brain trying to catch up with his words. "You'd quit the team for me?" I said in slight awe.

He shrugged awkwardly. "I can play next year."

Fucking hell. Just when I was completely content on hating the kid.

Frowning, I glanced towards Alice. "You think we could get Rosie to play?"

" _James_ ," Alice groaned while Lily threw a coaster at me and called me a prat.

The edges of my lips twitched upward as I met the reserved look on CJ's face. "I don't want you to quit the team, CJ," I said, albeit slightly reluctantly. "It's just as much your team as it is mine. But be warned that if you hurt my baby sister, there is not a corner in the entire castle where I won't find you and _beat you alive_. And if that doesn't scare you, let me remind you that I have a cousin who knows how to vanish bodies so they'll never be found."

"I'm fairly certain Hugo knows nothing about that," Lily spoke huffily.

I smirked. "Guess we'll find out if CJ makes a wrong move."

"I won't," CJ murmured.

I nodded. "Good lad," I said, a smirk crossing my features. "Now, let's play a game I like to call Let's Get To Know The Sister's Boyfriend. Tell me, Colton Jabba the Hut, you a virgin?"

" _James_!" both Lily and Alice hissed in unison.

"Hey, the brother has a right to know!"

Lily threw another coaster at me.

Alice smacked me across the head.

CJ looked like he wanted to throw up.

All in all, I couldn't say it was the worst day I ever had.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I woke up the next morning to a loud shriek.

I had nearly fallen out of bed so I struggled to free myself of my tangled sheets before rushing to the door and opening it, pouring into the hallway at the same time Albus was.

"What the hell was that?" he asked me groggily.

"Beats me," I responded and the two of us ran down the stairs, through the main hallway, and into the kitchen where Lily was pacing the floor, seething and muttering obscenities under her breath.

"Er…care to tell us what's going on, Lils?" I questioned.

Not bothering to berate me for using her nickname, she slammed the newspaper hard against my chest. " _I fucking hate people_."

I had a good feeling Mum and Dad weren't around or they'd be scolding Lily for her language.

I unraveled the newspaper in my hands. The main headline was about the Minister's successful trading negotiations with MACUSA but as I scaled the other headlines, my eyes caught one at the bottom written by an Amanda Cunningham that had both me and Albus letting out loud groans.

 **Daughter of Harry Potter Off The Market?**

"Oh, you have _got to be bloody kidding me_!" I groaned."How the hell is some _relationship_ worthy of front-page news?"

"When my relationship with Kat was exposed, we were the main headline," Albus said. He hesitated, glancing over at Lily who was still pacing the floor. "Ah, you upset because you only got a small blurb in the bottom corner of the paper?" he teased.

He ducked as a plastic cup was thrown at his head.

" _Not funny, Albus Severus Potter_ ," she sneered.

I hid my smirk as I skimmed the article that held details of the famous Lily Potter holding hands and snogging the famous son of the Puddlemere United defensive coach in The Leaky Cauldron the night before.

Wait.

" _When the hell were you snogging Wood_?" I snapped.

She rolled her eyes at me. "More important matters at hand, James."

"Like what?" Albus snorted. "It's not like we can do anything about the press' need to infiltrate our lives."

"Sure we can," Lily argued huffily, "We can track this Amanda Cunningham bitch down and punch her repeatedly in the face until she's left to die in a pool of her own blood."

Albus and I exchanged a look. "That'll just have a brand-new headline about you making the front page," I pointed out. "'Daughter of Harry Potter Off Her Rocker?"

That time I ducked as a plastic cup made its way towards my head.

"Have Mum and Dad seen this yet?" Albus asked Lily.

"Mum did. She ran off to have a nice chat with the gossip columnists at the very same paper she happens to work for," Lily muttered. "Not sure about Dad. He had already left for work."

"Oh, how I wish I could be a fly on that wall when he finds out about this," I said a bit too gleefully. "He can't stand when we make the headlines for superficial reasons."

"I don't have time to deal with Dad," Lily grumbled. "I've got to get over to CJ's before this blows up in-"

"My face?" a new voice chimed in from behind us.

We all whirled around as CJ sauntered into the kitchen holding the newspaper in his hands. "Not the best photo of me, wouldn't you agree?" he spoke with a faint smirk.

Seething Lily went immediately into nervous Lily. "Are you mad?" she asked softly.

He blinked in surprise. "Mad? Why would I be mad?"

"Because our relationship just got outed to the entire wizarding world," she said with a hesitant frown.

"So? It was bound to happen eventually. Your family has unusually large mouths."

"Hey!" I argued.

"You take that back!" Albus scowled.

Lily shot us both looks. "Oh, please, you two know perfectly well how true that is."

Oh, right.

"We weren't exactly being discrete last night, Lily," CJ said with a shrug. "So I can't really be mad about the article."

"You might think differently when you're in for a world of hate mail," I drawled.

CJ turned to me sharply. "Hate mail? Why would I get hate mail?"

"Because you're dating the daughter of the most famous wizard there is, and the crazies out there in the world will consider it their responsibility to tell you that you are in no way good enough for her," I said with a curt shrug. "Though I can't help but agree with them."

Lily had run out of cups so she just glared at me. "Just burn any unfamiliar letter you might get," Lily warned CJ. "They won't be worth reading."

He shrugged. "Anything else I should be warned about when dating Lily Luna Potter?"

"Yeah, _don't_ ," I muttered.

That earned me another glare from Lily. "Don't make me tell the press about your five-minute relationship with Hattie Wilkes."

I glared back at her. "How can someone so incredibly small be so incredibly evil?"

"Years of practice," she teased, grabbing CJ's arm and heading out. "C'mon, CJ, let's go write a scathing letter to Amanda Cunningham about her incessant need to split her bloody infinitives."

CJ's eyebrow shot up. "Er…and that's a bad thing?"

" _Don't you dare take him up to your room, Lily_."

I got nothing in response.

Albus was laughing as I glanced over at him. "She's so taking him up to her room, isn't she."

"Probably."

"You want to go stand outside of her door and barge in with our wands raised any time we hear kissing noises?"

He stared at me. "You have strange hobbies."

"Are you in or not?"

He shrugged. "Yeah, sure, why not."

We both got books thrown at our heads the first time we barged in but I'm pretty sure CJ learned his lesson so it was all worth it.

* * *

 **XOXOXO**

"Talk to your dad or I will."

That was how I was greeted at eight o'clock the night before New Year's Eve.

I glanced up from the table I was occupying at the Leaky Cauldron as Teddy slid into the bench opposite me.

"I really need to find a new watering hole," I drawled.

"You've been avoiding me because you knew what I would say," he spoke.

He wasn't wrong.

"And you knew what I would say because you know it's what you need to do," he continued.

"Thanks for the psych evaluation, T," I spoke stiffly. "You can go now."

He sighed. "Did you hear me, J? I'll tell your dad what you said to me if you-."

"No, you won't," I argued, shaking my head, "Or you would have already done it."

He frowned and I knew I just caught him in a lie. With a sigh, he said, "You've been angry at him for six years, J. Maybe it's time to try and do something about it."

"What's the point?" I questioned, reaching for my lager and taking a long swig before continuing. "It won't make a difference. It doesn't change anything. Maybe I kept a few things from old Pops myself six years ago but the truth is, a lot of other shit has happened since."

"Such as?"

Once upon a time, Teddy had been my go-to for any and all kinds of advice.

Now, I just wished he'd leave me alone.

Shrugging, I said, "Such as I'm not discussing this with you."

He frowned. "You have to discuss it with someone."

"Says who?" I sneered. "I've been dealing with it just fine on my own."

"Intentionally hurting your father in front of his entire family is dealing with it?"

I scowled at him. "I know you and my father are besties but this isn't your problem to fix on his behalf," I retaliated, ignoring the jealous ache in my heart as I spoke. "So I'd advise you to just walk out that door and never mention this conversation again."

Teddy stared at me before slowly shaking his head. "You might be okay ignoring the hippogriff in the room but I'm not."

" _It's not your goddamned hippogriff."_ "

"I may not have the Potter name, J," he continued, his voice cool as ice, "But you're my family. You and your father and Ginny and Lily and Al are the only family I have left besides Vic and Dora and my soon-to-be-son. I don't want-"

"You're having a boy?"

Teddy looked momentarily confused before shaking his head. "Oh. No, not necessarily but I'm hoping if I say it enough times, it'll be true."

I cracked a smile. "If you call that kid Remus, it'll be some form of child abuse."

"Oy, Remus is a perfectly respectable name!"

"Maybe if you have a brother named Romulus and are tended to by a she-wolf. You calling your wife a wolf, T?"

He shot me a look. "We're getting way off track."

I shrugged. "I like this conversation better."

Teddy frowned, saying nothing at first but I knew if I waited long enough, he'd go back to insisting I talk to my father.

Spoiler alert: that's never going to happen.

I knew that my relationship with my father was wildly different than his. He had grown up practically idolizing my father, _needing_ to idolize him. My father cared for Teddy like he had been his own son. They had both needed that. But the father figure that Teddy had was not the same father that I had. And it only took me half my life to realize it.

"Do you remember the argument Gran and I got into the night before she died?" Teddy murmured, surprising me for a slight moment before I realized this was most likely going to lead back to my father somehow.

I sighed and nodded anyway.

"She told me she had leased a small apartment in Godric's Hollow and was leaving the house to me and Vic. I told her there was no way I was going to allow her to move out and live on her own. I knew she was getting older and her health wasn't in great shape. I told her I already spoke to Vic about it and we wanted her to live with us. She told me she didn't want to be a burden and that newlyweds should not be spending their time caring for some old woman. I called her ridiculous. I called her stubborn and foolish. I told her I couldn't leave her alone. I wouldn't. She said it was done and she warned me not to say another word about it. I-"

"And you said that sometimes you really hated her and maybe it was for the best she wanted to be left alone."

I could see the struggle of emotions on Teddy's face as he slowly nodded, his eyes suddenly blinking rapidly as if he were stopping the tears from forming. "Those were the last words I ever spoke to her."

"She knew you didn't mean them," I reminded him.

"It doesn't matter," he spoke softly, shaking his head. "I still said them and I have to live with that regret for the rest of my life. When I think of Gran, it won't be the good memories I remember. I will think about how my last words to her were out of spite and anger."

He met my gaze then and I saw such raw intensity that my heart skipped a beat. "I'm begging you, James, _don't let that be you_."

The pleading in Teddy's gaze and the blurred tears in his eyes almost made me feel inclined to wave my white flag and surrender.

Except my father wasn't dying and my outburst on Christmas Eve wasn't just a one-time thing.

"My father and I aren't you and your grandmother," I spoke softly.

"I know," he spoke stiffly. "Because your father is still alive and you still have a chance to make things right."

Frustration bubbled up inside of me. "Don't do that," I warned. "Don't use your grandmother's ghost to guilt me into having a conversation with my father."

He frowned. "You both deserve better."

"Tell that to him."

"I already have," he sighed, which didn't surprise me to hear. "But he's waiting for you to make the first move."

My heart swelled with angst. "Sounds like he's not exactly looking to make things right himself."

I was surprised and a little annoyed when Teddy let out a derisive laugh. "Well, what the hell do you expect when his own son tells him he wishes he wasn't his father?"

Another ping in my heart.

"This isn't your fight, T," I sighed.

"I know it isn't," he murmured. "But if you won't fight for it, then who will?"

Not Dad apparently.

And I really didn't need Teddy fighting for it either.

"I don't know why you're here, Teddy," I spoke coolly. "We both know you won't tell Dad about our little conversation and we both know you're not going to be able to convince me to talk to him, so what exactly did you hope to accomplish here?"

When I met his gaze, I saw irritation flickering back at me. "You're seventeen years old, James. Maybe it's time you stopped acting like a child."

But I _was_ the child in this scenario so why was everyone so keen on blaming me for my problems with Dad?

I blamed that built-up frustration on what I said next.

"Oh, because you're such a perfect saint, Mr. _I forgot how to use a bloody condom?"_ I sneered at him. "Get real, T. Nothing is going to change between me and Dad and I don't need some guy who isn't even my real brother trying to convince me of otherwise. So how about you just butt the hell out of _my_ family's business?"

The rage in his eyes told me I might have taken it too far.

So I wasn't all at surprised when he picked himself off the bench and stormed off towards the exit.

I was even less surprised when Alice showed up by my side ten seconds later.

"Er…what was that about?" she asked, taking over his seat.

I stared towards the doors that Teddy just walked out of, wondering how long Teddy was going to hate me for. I didn't exactly give him a reason not to. "Just another person to add to the 'I hate James Potter' club. The list of members to that exclusive club is getting rather extensive, don't you think?"

She frowned. "He doesn't hate you."

"Ohhh, I think he might."

Her eyebrow nestled into her forehead. "What happened?"

I could have told her. I should have. But I was getting really tired of talking about my father, so all I said was, "All I know is, I can't wait to get back to Hogwarts. I think I'm actually missing Brooks Pruitt."

She offered me a said smile. "That bad, hm?"

That bad, Ace. That bad.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

It was the morning of New Year's Eve and I was sitting alone at the kitchen table when the back door opened. Glancing up, I offered Fred a nod as he wandered in, grabbed a muffin, and dropped on to the chair opposite me.

"We need to get properly plastered tonight, Potter," he greeted, stuffing the edge of the muffin into his mouth. He chewed and swallowed and then said, "Also, I heard you shagged that girlfriend of yours one last time in your bedroom before chucking her."

I gaped at him. "How…" I shook my head. "Nope, never mind, I don't want to know."

Fred smirked, tearing another piece of the muffin off and popping it into his mouth. "You speak to your parents yet?"

I glared at him. "Did you come over here for any other reason besides to give me a hard time?"

"Not really, no."

I scowled, picking myself off the chair and heading out of the kitchen. "Good-bye, Fred."

He followed me with a chuckle. "So I'm thinking after Dragon's Lair, we hit up that sleazy bar down the street that most people avoid because hopefully it shouldn't be too crowded."

I shot him a look over my shoulder. "You can't be serious. That bar has no redeemable girls to properly snog and your favorite pastime on New Year's Eve is to find an appropriate chick to snog at midnight. Followed quickly by a shag at 12:01."

He chuckled. "Fine, then we can always swing by Witchy's Brew. That's always packed full of birds."

"All of the barmaids there hate you."

"They do not hate me. I can't help that they're immune to my charm."

"They're all lesbos. Of course they're immune to my charm."

I heard Fred stop short behind me. "Holy shit, they _are_ lesbians. How have I never considered this before?"

I smirked, dropping down on to the living room couch and flicking on the radio. The Tornadoes-Bats match from the night before was on and I smirked as Louis' commentating voice filled the room.

"Have you asked Rose recently if she's still in for tonight?" Fred questioned, hopping on to the couch opposite me.

"Not recently but Al still refuses to talk to her so I have to imagine she'll be there and she'll happily get sloshed with the rest of us."

Fred grinned. "Louis is coming and get this. He's bringing Olive."

My eyes lit up. "We get to meet the infamous girlfriend? Is he sure that's wise? There's a good chance we'll scare her off."

"He plans to get her thoroughly drunk before he steps foot into Dragon's Lair."

I grinned. "Jax wrote me yesterday. He'll be there sans Laikyn."

"Ooh, are they fighting?"

I shrugged. "Don't know. Don't care. Didn't ask."

Fred shrugged. "Is Alice coming or is she stuck working tonight?"

"She's coming. She somehow convinced Neville it was in her best interest to have a fun night out."

"And Dash and Shayne are stopping by at some point," he urged. "Oh and apparently a bunch of the Hufflepuff Quidditch team will be at the Dragon's Lair, too."

"You stay away from them," I groaned. "Or there's a good chance you'll wind up with two black eyes and a kick to the balls."

He chuckled. "I make no promises," he spoke coyly, stretching his arms over his head with a stifled yawn.

I glanced over at him hesitantly before adding, "Hattie's coming, too."

Fred whipped his head towards me sharply. "I thought things were done between you two."

I shrugged. "They are but I couldn't let her be alone on New Year's Eve, now could I."

He narrowed his eyes at me. "So you going to tell me what actually happened or are you going to make the rest of us continue to speculate?"

"There's nothing to—what do you mean 'the rest of us?' Who's speculating?"

Fred shot me a look. "You could probably guess."

Yeah, I could and it most likely included every single one of my nosy cousins.

"It's nothing," I said dismissively. "We just put an end to…well, whatever the hell we were doing."

He smirked. I didn't like it. "Whatever it was, sounds like it wasn't just shagging anymore."

I shot him a look. "No because neither of us let it get that far."

His lips pursed. "Because of the Code?"

"You know damned well it's because of the Code."

He said nothing, staring towards the Christmas tree in the corner whose white lights were currently twinkling. "The Code is just a Code," he eventually murmured. "You can't live your life by it. You deserve more than that."

That sounded a bit too profound coming from Fred's mouth. "I've lived my life by the Code for five and a half years. Why would I stop now?"

"Because you of all people found a girl you liked."

I shrugged. "Maybe I did but I've worked too hard at Quidditch to throw it all away now. Do I think I could have really fancied Hattie? Yeah, probably. But now is not the time for me to figure that out."

Fred snorted. "And what if this is your one shot at figuring it out? What if she's the girl that's going to change your mind about relationships and commitment and yeah, even love? What if you're giving it all up for a game?"

I glared at him. "Quidditch isn't just a game to me, Fred. It's my life. It's all I have."

He grew quiet, his gaze once again drawn towards the tree. "It's not all you have," he spoke stiffly. "It's all you want."

"What's the difference?" I grunted.

He turned to look at me. "You have your friends and as much as you claim to hate our crazy family, they're still family. You still have them. They're still here. Quidditch _is_ just a game. You won't have it forever. There will come a day where you will have to retire from it. And this is the part where I'm supposed to say your family and your friends will still be there, but the truth is, I'm not so sure you're going to let that happen."

I stared at him, wondering when the hell Fred had taken up the art of philosophy. "And what the hell is that supposed to mean?"

He was still looking at me, his eyes studying me carefully. "It means that the moment you get your ticket out of here, a job lined up with some professional Quidditch team, there's a chance you'll take off and never look back, leaving everyone you know behind. I suppose only then will Quidditch be all you have. But when you don't have it anymore, what then? What will you have left?"

I have to say, when I woke up that very morning, I did not think I would be having some heart-to-heart with my cousin.

"Why is everyone so convinced I'm just going to leave everyone behind someday?" I growled irritably.

"Oh, right, because telling your Dad you wish he wasn't your father doesn't scream 'get me the fuck out of here?'"

I sent him a rather scathing look. "Any chance we could chat about something that doesn't make me want to throttle you?"

Fred shrugged. "It's New Year's Eve, mate. You sure you want to go into the New Year with all of this still hanging over your head?"

"I've been doing it for six years. I'm pretty much an expert at it by now."

He rolled his eyes. "You're one stubborn arsehole, y'know that?"

"Yep," I said dismissively, "Now why don't you help me come up with ways to keep Lily locked in her room all night so she can't go out partying with that boytoy of hers? Do you know any way around Alohomora?"

Fred's eyebrow popped up. "Uh, yeah. You steal her wand."

I grinned. "Genius."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I was freshly showered and in the kitchen gobbling up leftover meatloaf and nursing a beer when Mum wandered in.

Her eyes flickered towards me briefly before she ventured towards the sink to pour herself a glass of water. I noticed she was all dressed up in a sparkly dress and I was reminded of Uncle George and Aunt Angelina's annual New Year's Eve, No Kids Allowed party. It was the one night out of the year where the adults went out to play free of their kids. (Victoire had tried swindling an invite in the prior year when she informed her parents that she had her own kid so therefore could not be a kid herself; her father laughed and said she was still a kid to him and that meant she wasn't invited.)

I didn't know why it bothered me that my mother had blatantly ignored me over the past week, seeing as I had always preferred being left alone, but somehow it did. Maybe because it was just another reminder that my mother was seemingly always choosing Dad's side over mine, always defending him and speaking on his behalf (or in this case, not speaking). Whatever the reason was, I blamed it for what I said next.

"How long are you planning on shutting me out, Mum?"

She stiffened at the sink, lifting her head to stare out the window over the kitchen sink. "Well," she spoke, her back still to me, "You've been shutting all of us out for the past six years so I'm thinking I still have approximately five years and fifty-one weeks to go."

Ouch.

"Fine," I murmured, shoving my plate aside and drinking the last of the beer before picking myself off the kitchen island. "I'll talk to you in six years then."

I headed out of the kitchen, but she stopped me.

"What you said to your father is inexcusable, James."

I hovered in the kitchen doorway before reluctantly turning around. She was still staring out the window. "You always do this, Mum. You always speak on his behalf," I murmured. "I'm tired of having conversations with you about him."

She said nothing at first but I could tell she was seething even though all I could see was her back. "Well, you can either talk to your father about this or you can talk to me. Your choice."

"I choose neither," I muttered, turning around once again.

" _Stop walking away from this, James_."

The desperation in her voice is what made me stop and turn back around. She was facing me now, an intense frustration lighting up her eyes.

"What do you want me to say, Mum?" I grunted. "That I'm sorry? Fine, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. Can I go now?"

"Oh, that sounded sincere," she snapped.

"I am sorry for what I said," I spoke coolly. "But did it ever occur to you that there is a reason behind why I said it?"

"Yes, but you refuse to share with him that reason!" she spoke desperately. "So what is he supposed to do, James? Please, tell me."

I shook my head. "When are you going to realize that you can't swoop in and save the day all the damned time?" I seethed. "You can't fix something that can't be fixed so stop wasting your breath because I'm tired of you _always coming do his damned rescue_."

I was aware that I was screaming at the wrong person but I hated feeling as if she'd only ever have his side, never mine.

She seemed slightly surprised by those words but the surprise faded back into frustration fairly quickly. "You don't get it, do you?" she spoke with a slight shake of the head. She looked at me, studying me carefully before continuing. "You know how couples say that they're a team? Well, when it comes to you kids, your father and I are not a team. We're one person. One heart, one mind, one soul. So I get to speak on his behalf because I know what he's thinking and I know what he's feeling. And I can't stand by and watch you make him feel worthless every time he simply tries to have a conversation with you."

My eyes bugged out with disbelief. "You've got it all backwards," I accused. "He's the one that makes me feel worthless, telling me that Quidditch doesn't mean anything and ragging on me for grades that aren't good enough for him and lying to me for eleven goddamned years and always, _always_ choosing Lily and Al's side over mine. He started the war, not me."

My mother's mouth was hanging open in shock which came as no surprise to me. "What are…" she trailed off, shaking her head in confusion. She tried to compose herself, clearly trying to figure out what to comment on first. "What do you mean, he lied to you for eleven years?"

No. No way. I was not getting into this on yet another holiday I was supposed to be able to enjoy. They had already taken Christmas Eve from me. I refused to let them take New Year's Eve too.

"I don't have time for this. I'm meeting friends in five minutes," I spoke hastily, whirling around and rushing off towards the foyer.

"Please stop walking away from this!" she pleaded, practically chasing after me. "You don't get to give me a small inkling of what you've been holding back for all these years just to run off. _Talk to me_."

I was almost at the door when I turned to glare at her. "Why the hell should I when you and Dad decided not to talk to me in the first place?"

More confusion settled into her expression. "Please tell me what you're talking about."

I could hear the desperation in her words and they just made me regret ever bringing this up in the first place. I ran my fingers through my hair, pulling my gaze away from her pleading eyes and staring off into the distance at nothing in particular. I was suddenly transported back to my eleven-year-old self, eager and excited to start his first year at Hogwarts. I spent two hours picking out the perfect outfit for the train ride and I fantasized about the classes and I dreamed of seeing the castle for the first time and I prayed that I'd become a Gryffindor like my parents and I looked forward to being able to see Teddy every day and I thought about the new friends I would make with Fred and Alice. I had planned out my entire first year in my mind and not once did I think I'd hate any of it.

Fast forward to my very first night in the Gryffindor common room where I was bombarded with questions about my father.

None of which I had the answers to.

I didn't just hate my first year of Hogwarts. I resented it.

I turned towards my mother and said, "Do you know what it was like going into Hogwarts and being the son of Harry Potter?"

Her eyes turned wary as she stared at me, remaining silent as she digested my words and struggled to come up with something to say. Eventually she spoke. "I'm sure it couldn't have been easy suddenly being famous for something you didn't even do."

"That's an understatement," I snapped.

I didn't continue, waiting for her to say something, _anything_ more.

She frowned, turning away from my desperate gaze. "But you know who knows all about that? Being famous for something they had no control over?" she spoke hesitantly. "Your father. Everyone seemed to know him and his story when he first stepped foot into Hogwarts, a story he barely knew himself."

That somehow just made it worse. "So he knows exactly what it's like to be completely blind-sided by the people who just spent the last eleven years raising him!"

The confusion in my mother's eyes continued to grow. "I-I don't understand, James. You knew about the war," she spoke softly. "You knew your father defeated Voldemort. We didn't hide that from you."

"No," I spoke hoarsely, "You just hid everything else."

Shock rested in her eyes. "Like what?" she practically pleaded.

I thought of what Alice had said about knowing what it was like to not have a parent in her life. I thought of what Teddy said about regrets. I thought of the harsh words I spoke to my father. I thought of the conversation I had overheard between him and Mum. I thought about how I didn't want to be having this conversation. And I thought about how maybe it was time to have this conversation.

I suppose there was no better time to have it than the night before a new year was about to start.

I sat down at the bottom of the stairwell and stared at my feet, refusing to look at the confusion and the worry in Mum's eyes, and I began to talk. "I was so excited to be starting Hogwarts, Mum. I dreamed about it for _years_ , thinking about all of the classes and the people and the castle and Quidditch. _I was so excited_. And do you know how long that lasted?"

I turned to look Mum in the eye now, trepidation staring back at me. Slowly, she shook her head at me.

" _One goddamned train ride_ ," I hissed. "I spent my entire childhood fantasizing about Hogwarts and it was all gone in a couple of hours. Because the moment I stepped on to that train, all I became was just some circus act to the rest of the student body. I wasn't me, I was just the offspring of some legend. All anyone wanted from me was to hear the details behind all of these so-called stories surrounding the great Harry Potter. I spent every day at school being interrogated by people I didn't even know. I was revered by the professors just because I was the son of the wizarding world's sole savior.

"I expected some intrigue," I murmured. "I expected popularity. I expected questions. What I was not expecting was that everyone else would know more about my father's past than I did."

My mother was staring at me now, shock and shame in her eyes as she slowly lowered herself to the stairwell and sat down beside me. She said nothing so I continued to talk.

"People asked me about a prophecy some Divination professor made. They asked me what it was like for Dad to be the Chosen One when he was just a teenager. They wanted to know what it was like to know that either he or Voldemort had to die for the other to survive. They asked about Dad sacrificing himself. They wanted to know what it was like to watch both his godfather and the old Headmaster die in front of his very eyes. They asked about the Deathly Hallows and if they still existed. They asked about the Marauders and my grandparents' love-hate relationship. They asked about Wormtail betraying them and Dad's godfather being wrongfully imprisoned for twelve years. They asked and you know what I did? _Nothing_. I couldn't do anything! I could just stand there in complete silence as I learned more and more about my father in the matter of seconds from a few strangers than I did in the eleven years I grew up with him."

There were blurred tears in my mother's eyes but I ignored them and pressed on.

"So you want to know why I've been so angry ever since my first year at Hogwarts?" I practically sneered. " _Because Dad took it from me_. He took my first year away! He ruined every dream and fantasy I ever had about that place. That year wasn't spent practicing spells and hanging out with my friends and enjoying Quidditch matches. I spent it hiding in my bedroom and reading a bunch of history books as I tried to figure out who the hell my father really was because it was clear then and it's clear now that I didn't know shit about him and he didn't seem to care enough about me to tell me."

The stairwell was silent when I finished, Mum's cheeks flushed with shock and her eyes wide with remorse. I pretended not to see the tears she blinked back or the pain staring back at me. In fact, I wondered if this would be an excellent time to make a beeline for the exit.

I probably would have done it if a voice behind me didn't stop me.

"I never meant to take anything from you, James. All I ever wanted was for you to live the kind of normal life I never got to live."

I froze, slowly turning around and meeting the pained gaze of my father who stood stoic at the top of the stairs. I said nothing, my heart beating wildly out of my chest as I wondered inwardly how long he had been standing there and how much he had heard.

I eventually found my voice. "I didn't realize living a normal life meant being lied to by the people you thought you could trust."

Dad looked at me before slowly shaking his head. "I never lied," he spoke softly. "I just never spoke of any of it."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Why?" I asked desperately. "Why keep it from us? You knew the history books had every detail of your Voldemort-hunting days. _Every detail_. You had to have known what I was going to be up against the moment I went off to Hogwarts and you kept it all from me anyway. _Why_?"

He went silent again, this time for longer. He studied me, his green eyes flickering with hesitation behind his wire frames, and I almost forgot Mum was still there until I heard her let out a tiny cough beside me. I offered her a brief glance, curious what she might be thinking, but her eyes didn't betray her emotions so I turned back towards Dad. He was still staring at me though there was a sadness in his gaze that hadn't previously been there.

He eventually cleared his throat and spoke. "You're wrong, James. Those history books don't have every detail," he said softly. "They don't tell you how Albus Dumbledore begged and pleaded for Severus Snape to end his life. They don't tell you that the last thing I heard out of Fred Weasley's mouth was a chuckle. They don't tell you about that last breath of air Dobby took in before life escaped him. They don't tell you how much I still blame myself for my godfather's death. They don't tell you what it feels like to know that a battle you started caused a month-old boy to lose his parents forever. They don't' tell you what it's like to walk into a Great Hall and see piles and piles of bodies that were just innocent victims of _my_ fight."

I admit I've never seen my father look so broken and distraught, his every word hoarse against his desperate tongue. It saddened me and scared me at the same time, but I said nothing as I let him continue.

"Do you know why I never talk about anything to do with the war? Why I never mentioned these so-called details to you? _Because I was ashamed_ ," he whispered with a vigorous shake of the head. "It doesn't matter how many times my wife or my friends or my family tell me it wasn't my fault. _I will always believe it was my fault_. I will always believe that the people who aren't here today are dead because of me."

" _Harry_ -"

He cut Mum off. "I didn't keep quiet about the war to hurt you, James. I didn't do it to blind-side you. I didn't do it for you at all. I did it because that's the only way I know how to survive."

After all these years, after all of the harbored resentment and anger, after cursing my father for being a liar and a fraud, there was an easy answer just dangling in front of me.

And yet it still didn't' seem like enough.

"You could have at least thrown a history book at me or something," I pointed out, a pretty lame counter I'll admit but it was one of the few defenses I had.

Dad looked at me before nodding. "I could have," he spoke softly, "But forgive me for not wanting my own kid to think less of me."

That puzzled me. "Why would I think less of you? If you recall, those history books all refer to you as a hero."

He responded almost immediately. "I wasn't a hero," he murmured with a shake of the head, "I was just a kid. A _boy_. A boy who had the weight of the world on his shoulders. A boy who made a lot of mistakes. A boy who took a long time to do a job that was predetermined for him at a young age. A job he never wanted but was stuck with. Those history books may call me a hero. But to me, I was just a kid who took too long getting to the end goal and a lot of good people died because of it. Because of me."

"Harry-"

"I'm telling James my side of the story, Ginny," Dad spoke firmly. "Maybe on another night when we don't have plans we're already late for, you can tell him your side."

Mum looked at him before closing her mouth. Then she hesitated, turned to me and said, "For the record, the only person that blames your father for those who sacrificed themselves during the war is himself and himself only."

Dad shot her what appeared to be an exasperated look, but she merely shrugged as she pulled herself off the stairwell and started to head up the stairs.

"Where are you going?" I asked her, shocked that she would just leave during one heck of a penultimate discussion.

She smiled warily. "This is between you and your father, James. He's the one you feel betrayed by."

"It's not like you did much to keep us informed either," I pointed out.

She shrugged. "Your father didn't want to discuss the war so I didn't either out of respect for him. I think you know that, which is why it was never me you were angry at."

She was right. Of course she was right. She was always right.

I really hated that.

When she was gone, I turned back to Dad who was staring at me leeringly. "What?" I questioned.

His lips pursed. "Why didn't you ever just tell me why you were so angry?"

I knew that question would come up at some point which is why I was ready for it.

"At first, I was just shutting you out because you did it to me. I was eleven so the whole tit-for-tat thing seemed like a decent compromise. As I got older, it got easier pretending not to care. I pretty much became an expert at that over the years. And then I realized over time that it had really just become about hurting you as much as you hurt me."

Out of all the words I spoke that evening, I could see those hurt Dad the most and I unfortunately had expected them to. He already admitted he had never intentionally hurt me. I couldn't say the same to him.

He turned away and said, "I'm sorry if you ever felt like I hurt you."

This was probably where I was supposed to apologize, too, but I was still wrapping my head around this conversation, still trying to figure out why none of it seemed to be enough, to just suddenly take back six years worth of frustrations.

"I'm late meeting my friends" was what I said instead.

I saw the hurt and even a little bit of irritation in his eyes as he glanced at me. "So that's it then?" he sighed. "We're not even going to try to talk this out?"

"I think we've done enough talking for one night," I muttered, slowly picking myself off the stairwell.

"Have we?" he sighed.

I looked up at him and said, "I wasn't planning on having any part of this conversation with you, Dad, so in my mind, we've done more than enough tonight."

He looked slightly confused by that response. "If you weren't planning on having this conversation with me then why did you?"

I hesitated before shrugging. "You overheard my conversation with Mum. Felt rude to just walk away after that."

He sighed. "I wouldn't have overheard it if there wasn't something to overhear."

My father, the philosopher.

"You now know why I was angry all those years ago, you gave me your reasons behind it, so what more is there?" I questioned with a mere shrug.

He frowned. "It sounds like you're not entirely sure you believe my reasons."

I matched his frown with my own. "I believe them," I murmured truthfully. "But I don't know if it changes anything."

He flinched. I pretended not to notice. He opened his mouth to respond but quickly shut it, his eyes holding an intense hesitation that sent a nervous shiver down my spine.

He cleared his throat before asking, his voice soft and timid, "All I ever did was try to protect you from my past. You were the one who turned me into your enemy."

I found myself annoyed by that comment as I said, "And you were the one who never fought it."

He let out a frustrated sigh, shaking his head at me. "You never wanted me to fight it."

The comment made me freeze as I dared to look up at him, seeing regret and disappointment in his eyes. He was wrong. It's not that I never wanted him to fight it. It's that I had never expected it. And he had proved me right for six years. We both became each other's adversary, destined to be on opposite sides of every subject that came up. I've been resenting him for so long that I didn't know how to feel anything else and he never gave me any reason to feel anything else. Knowing that my father hadn't deliberately tossed me to the wolves back in my first year filled a small part of my heart with relief, but it didn't change everything that had happened since. It didn't change how he looked at me. How he treated me. It didn't change the way we always found something to fight about. How we'd never find anything to agree on. We were still at odds with each other. We probably always would be.

I wondered then if a part of me was a coward. This was my time to clear the air with my father. This was my time to ask why he had stopped caring about me. Why he dismissed my interests. Why I would never be good enough. Why I was such a disappointment to him. This was the time for me and my father to hash it all out no matter what the possible outcome would be.

But as I stared up into my father's hesitant eyes, I knew I couldn't go through with it. Not now. I'd rather enter the New Year with little resolved than enter it with the confirmation that my father stopped loving me. And there was a strong chance I'd find that out if I tried discussing the past six years with him.

"I have to go, Dad," I murmured.

He looked at me and then looked away and I pretended not to notice just how hurt he looked. "Have fun tonight," he muttered before shrugging and heading down the hallway.

He was nearly gone when I called out to him.

"Dad?"

He paused and turned around. "Yeah?"

I looked at him, my eyes betraying the guilt I felt in my heart. "I didn't mean what I said."

His eyes darkened immediately and I knew he realized I was referring to what I said on Christmas Eve. His lips thinned, his eyes staring through mine with so much intense despair it somehow made me feel guiltier.

He sighed and turned away from me. "The truly unfortunate thing is, James," he spoke timidly, "Is that I think a part of you did."

And with that, he was gone.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I tried to shake it off. I put the fake smile on my face and pretended I was fine, but the truth was I wasn't sure I'd be able to get that conversation out of my head for a long while.

But maybe alcohol could help with that.

"Well, there you are!" Louis greeted as I strolled up to the bar table they were all surrounding nearly an hour later than anticipated. "We were about to send out the cavalry."

I shrugged and forced out a smile, brushing the hair out of my face. "Sorry, got into a tiff with Lils," I lied.

I only spent thirty seconds on coming up with that lie and I thought it was a rather good one.

"How did you get into a tiff with Lily when she was over at my house with Hugo?" Rose questioned.

Apparently it wasn't a good lie at all.

"Uh, because we're really good at fighting with each other even when we're not together?" I said sheepishly.

Rose rolled her eyes. "Okay, seriously, why were you late?"

"Nothing to worry about," I said, grabbing her drink off the table and taking a swig.

She swatted at me and swiped the drink away from me. "Oy, get your own!"

"Glady," I laughed. I glanced over at Hattie who was looking at me curiously and said, "You want to come grab a drink with me, Hattie?"

Her drink was half full but I thought I owed her an apology for sticking her with my cousins for an hour without me.

The two of us strolled up to the bar, talking about nothing in particular. We waited behind two girls and Hattie turned to me and said, "So what was the real reason you were late?'

I hesitated before saying, "I did get into a bit of a tiff but it was with my father, not Lily."

Her eyebrow shot up. "Really?"

I shrugged. "Yeah. And no, I don't want to talk about it."

She hesitated before nodding. "Okay."

I glanced at her with a grateful smile. "Sorry I left you alone with my cousins for an hour. Please tell me they were at least nice to you."

She shrugged, taking a swig of her drink as the two girls in front of us collected their drinks and slipped past us. We took their spot at the bar. "Oh, they were perfect angels. Louis and Fred are total gentlemen, never prying into anything that isn't their business, and Rose is so good at not egging them on. Your family is delightful."

I stared at her and slowly shook my head. "That bad, hm?'

She chuckled. "Has anyone ever told you how nosy your cousins are?"

"Pretty much everyone that meets us."

She laughed and we were momentarily distracted when the barmaid came over. I ordered our drinks and grabbed them, heading back to the table. I glanced over at Hattie hesitantly. "Did they pester you about what happened with us?"

She nodded. "I'm assuming we have your sister to thank for that."

I grimaced before nodding. "Unfortunately."

She shrugged. "It was fine. I just told them there was nothing to say about it."

"I'm sure they didn't accept that."

"No, but I bribed them with drinks and that seemed to shut them up for a while."

I laughed. "Well, Louis' girlfriend is apparently joining us later. Feel free to harass him about her."

Her eyes lit up. "Challenge accepted."

I chuckled, stealing a glance at her. "So, we're good, right?" I asked awkwardly.

She glanced at me uncertainly. "Honestly, I spent about two hours deciding if I should show up tonight or not."

I wasn't surprised to hear that. "I'm really glad you did."

She frowned. "Don't say that."

I blinked. "Why not?"

She grabbed my arm, stopping us before we loomed closer to our table. Her lips pursed and she refused to look at me as she said, "Because I'm trying to figure out how to just be your friend and you saying I'm glad I'm here is making me wonder if that's possible given our history."

My heart fluttered. "I want it to be possible."

She nodded, her eyes staring off into the distance. "I know, but I don't know if it's that easy."

I sighed. She was right of course but I've never been particularly good at dealing with drama and I wasn't looking to figure it out now. "Have I ever told you how much I hate Quidditch?" I muttered.

She laughed and finally looked at me. "No, you don't."

I chuckled. "Well, I hate the Code."

She shook her head. "No, you don't."

I never had any reason to hate it before but I was perhaps starting to hate it now.

I glanced over at our table, meeting the curious gaze of Fred before quickly turning away. "I know we were never friends to begin with but that doesn't mean we can't do it now."

Hattie shrugged before slowly nodding. "I guess it can't hurt to try," she said with a small smile. "But if this friends thing is going to work, you're going to have to promise me you'll never leave me alone with your cousins again."

I laughed. "Deal."

She grinned and we took the trek back to the table.

"Everything good with the happy non-couple?" Louis teased.

I flipped him off as Rose smacked him in the back of the head.

"You've already teased the girl enough tonight. Can't you leave it alone?" Rose sighed.

"Oh, sure, jump in now and not earlier when they were teasing her," I murmured with a playful grin.

That earned me a smack to the head.

Rubbing it, I glanced around curiously. "Hey, where's Ace?"

My cousins exchanged a hesitant look. "Er…well, we originally assumed she was with you," Louis said, confused.

My brow furrowed. "What?"

"She hasn't shown up yet," Fred explained with a shrug.

I frowned. "She hasn't?"

"Maybe she couldn't get away from the pub," Rose suggested

I shook my head. "Her father was going to help out so Alice could get away."

"Maybe they're more slammed than they thought," Louis argued.

I wasn't sure I believed that so I shrugged and said, "I'll head over there and steal her away. I'm sure AJ is just guilting her into helping."

Hattie frowned beside me. I glanced at her with a guilty smile. "I'll only be gone for a few minutes."

She nodded but didn't say anything.

"Rose, keep these two in check," I spoke, gesturing towards Louis and Fred. "If they say one wrong thing to Hattie, you have my permission to hex their dicks off."

"Oy, what did we do?" Louis said with an innocent grin.

"We're innocent, I tell ya!" Fred insisted.

"Right, you two are perfect angels. Total gentlemen. Positively delightful," I drawled sarcastically with a roll of my eyes.

Hattie snickered beside me as Louis spoke. "Exactly. You so get us."

I rolled my eyes. "Seriously, Rose. Hex their dicks off."

I left her laughing and my cousins scowling as I headed towards the exit.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I was worried.

I had gone to the Leaky Cauldron and the new girl behind the bar said that Alice had rushed out two hours earlier and she had looked upset. Really upset.

I ran into AJ on my way out and asked her if she knew where her sister ran off to and she said she had better things to do than track her sister's whereabouts.

The anger in her eyes told me she knew more than she was letting on but I had long learned not to cross Augusta Jezebel when she was less than happy (which was pretty much all the time), so I left the bar.

I stood right outside with a frown, wondering where Alice could be if she wasn't at home or at the pub and if she wasn't out with me.

It took me thirty seconds to figure out I already knew the answer.

I apparated and when I opened my eyes, I was plunged into darkness. I let my eyes adjust before pushing open the kissing gate and stepping into the quiet cemetery.

I walked along the grass for a few minutes before curving to the right. I stopped suddenly as a silhouette just a couple of feet in front of me appeared, her knees hugged closely to her body.

Alice didn't visit her mother often. She had once told me it hurt too much so I knew that when she did visit, it was in a state of utter dejection.

I slowly walked over to her and sat down beside her. She didn't even flinch.

There were old tears stained on her cheek and her eyes were void of feeling, as if she was too drained to feel anything. I wanted to reach over and embrace her or grab her hand but her body was stiff, telling me to hold off.

I turned my head towards the gravestone in front of me.

HANNAH ABBOTT-LONGBOTTOM  
April 4, 1980-February 9, 2011  
Always loved, never forgotten.

I felt an ache swell in my heart as I stared at the headstone I haven't looked at in four years, the last time I found Alice out here when her grandmother had passed. She had stayed out there for nearly three hours, unable to accept that the two adult females in her life were gone forever. It had been daylight then so it was slightly less creepy and it was over the summer so we were sweating instead of shivering. I had stayed by her side the entire time.

"How'd you know I was here?" she eventually said.

I nearly jumped when she broke the eerie silence. I glanced over at her with a lopsided smile. "You weren't at home and you weren't with me."

She just nodded.

"What's wrong, Ace?" I asked softly.

She finally turned to look at me. She said nothing at first, just staring at me with a sadness in her expression. Eventually she let out a defeated sigh and said, "You were right."

That was news to me. She was usually the one who was right.

When she offered nothing more, I said, "About what?"

More silence. I heard the wind howling in the distance, the rustle of treetops filling my ears. The breeze died out before she spoke. "I don't want to work at the inn and the pub after I graduate. At least not yet. I want to do something with my life. Make a name for myself. Travel the world. _Be_ something."

I frowned hesitantly, wondering what that had to do with her sitting in front of her mother's grave. "Then do it," I urged, nudging her with my shoulder. "You can do and be anything you want to, Ace."

She nodded slowly. "I know," she muttered. "That's not the problem."

I didn't like the sound of it. "Then what's the problem?"

She turned away, guilt resting heavily in her dulled blue eyes. "I told them."

She was quite skilled at being cryptic but I didn't let it get to me. I just said, "Told who what?"

Her eyes flickered with regret. "I told my dad and AJ that I didn't want to work at the inn after I graduate."

My heart skipped a beat as I turned towards her sharply. I gaped at her, surprised she put herself over her family when she had appeared to be so against it in the first place.

And then my heart sank into my chest at the implication of her words. "They didn't take it well?"

She drew her knees in closer to her body and rested her chin atop them. "Dad wasn't surprised to hear it. He was okay with it, told me to go after all the things I deserved," she murmured. "AJ had a different take."

Dammit. I had really hoped that AJ could have been unselfish for once and actually wanted her younger sister to go after her own dreams.

Apparently not.

"She said I must think I'm better than her with my Head Girl position and my impeccable grades. She said I didn't care about our family. She called me selfish," she continued, her voice timid.

My hands clenched at my sides. "Excuse me while I go _kill your sister_."

She shook her head. "You can't kill her for being right."

I gaped at her. "She's not right!" I argued immediately. "You have put your family first all your life, Ace. You're allowed to want to do something for yourself for once."

I heard the tears in her eyes before I saw them. "AJ has taken care of me my entire life," she murmured. "Maybe it's my turn to take care of her."

We both knew s hew as only saying that because she hated fighting with her sister.

Treading carefully, I said, "I think because she spent her life taking care of you, she doesn't know how to let you go and be your own person. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't be your own person."

A tear slid down her face and she reached up to swipe it away quickly, blinking back the rest of her tears. She grew quiet, the silence between us almost unbearable as I tried to figure out what she must be feeling or thinking. "I don't know what to do," she whispered eventually.

I hesitated. "You do," I urged. "You just don't want to give your sister a reason to resent you."

Regret shone in her eyes. "She's been running that place for nearly six years," she muttered. "I know it would make her so happy if I worked beside her. Dad, too. Hell, I know it would have made Mum happy also."

My lips pursed instinctively. "But what about you?" I spoke softly. "What would make you happy?"

She didn't reply but I didn't expect her to. We both knew that what would make her happy was to do something for herself for a while before joining forces with her family. But she had never been too good at putting her own happiness before others.

I reached over and wrapped my arm around her, pulling her into my side. She curled into my arms without saying anything and we sat there, just the two of us staring at her mother's headstone and wondering how things would be different if she was still alive.

"C'mon," I eventually murmured when I couldn't feel my toes anymore, "I think we have a handful of drinks that have our names on them."

She slowly shook her head. "I'm not in the mood to be around people right now," she sighed. "You go on. I'll be fine."

I looked at her with a snort. "Yeah, right. There's no way I'm leaving you here alone, Ace."

"I'll be fine," she repeated with a small smile. "It's New Year's Eve, Jay. You go off and get drunk and hang out with your friends and have a good time. We'll do something tomorrow."

I shook my head vigorously. "No, Ace," I spoke forcefully. "There's no way I'll be able to have a good time knowing you're here all alone in the freezing cold. Nope, no way, not happening."

She reached over and squeezed my shoulder. "And there's no way I'm going to let you sit here with me when I know you'd rather be out at the bars ringing in the New Year."

I frowned while I carefully dissected her words. They bothered me because if she thought I'd prefer spending my time in a bar getting drunk with my wild cousins instead of spending the time with her, she didn't know me as well as I thought.

I glanced over at her and met her reassuring smile. It felt real but I knew she was hurting inside. "Do you realize that we've spent every New Year's Eve together since I can remember?"

She sighed. "James-"

"When we were kids, we'd try to convince our parents to let us stay up until midnight, but of course we would wind up crashing way before then. Nine and then ten and then eleven o'clock until we were eleven years old and we told ourselves we absolutely _had_ to stay up to midnight because we were going off to Hogwarts the following year and we couldn't be two lame kids who couldn't even celebrate the holiday the right way. And somehow we made it to midnight and we were so proud of ourselves, only to fall asleep on the couch five minutes later."

There was a genuine smile on her face as I spoke.

I smiled at her as I continued. "And then we got older and we started going to parties and hitting up the bars and ringing in the New Year with all of our friends and never once did we consider that we wouldn't spend it together. _Not once_. And I'll be damned if we're going to stop that tradition this year."

Her smile quickly turned into a frown. "James-"

"So you're wrong," I spoke, cutting her off with a shrug. "I wouldn't rather spend it in some bar with my friends because the only friend I'd want to spend it with wouldn't be there."

I saw the appreciation in her eyes even though she tried to hide it. With a sad smile, she said, "Has anyone ever told you that you have a real way with words?"

I smiled back. "Only you, but that's because you always bring out the best in me."

Her smile slowly faded. "Did I mention yet that I'll be fine?"

I shrugged. "That's not the point."

"Seems like part of the point."

I tried a different tactic. "You know how people say that the way you spend your New Year's Eve is the way you'll spend the rest of your year?"

She sighed.

"Well, there's no way I plan on spending next year without you," I urged. Hesitating, I added, "Though if this is your way of ending our friendship for good, you might as well just send a hex directly to my heart and get straight to the point."

She cracked a smile that time. "You're being dramatic."

Of course I was. Dramatic was all I knew how to be.

I shrugged. "Is it working?"

She glanced at me, a reluctance in her eyes. But I could tell I was slowly wearing her down. Slowly. "Do you remember when I said I'd rather be alone? Did you ever consider that that includes you, too?"

"No," I said immediately. "Wasn't it you who reminded me on Christmas Eve that you'd always be there for me? Well, it goes both ways, Longbottom."

She made a face. "Yeah, really wish I never said that."

I smirked and continued with my attempt to convince her she shouldn't spend the night on her own. "Look, we don't have to go rejoin everyone at the Dragon's Lair. I know you don't want to be around people and I get that. And I know you don't want to go home, not right now, which I also totally get. But there is a third option."

"Freezing our asses off in this cemetery all night?"

I chuckled. "Nope, that option didn't make my list," I teased.

She shrugged. "Then what do you propose?"

"My parents are out at their traditional drunk Weasley party, Lily is over at Hugo's for the night, and Al is off somewhere with that chick of his. So I say we go back to my place, raid my parents' liquor cabinet, throw on an old Quidditch match on the WWN, and ring in the New Year together like we always have before."

She looked unconvinced. "James-"

"Don't say you'll be fine."

She shot me a look. "James-"

"And don't say no. I won't let you say no."

"Will you let me say _anything_?" she grunted.

I grinned. "No, because no matter what you say, we're going back to my place because there is absolutely no chance in hell I'm going to let you spend New Year's Eve all by yourself in the cold."

She hesitated before saying, "I'm not all by myself. I have Mum here."

I shot her a look. "Well, say good-bye to your mother for now, Ace, because I'm freezing which means you must already be frozen seeing as you were here two hours before I was. So pull your cute butt off that ground and let's get back to my place ASAP before our lips turn blue."

She rolled her eyes before shrugging. "Well, alright, but only because you called my butt cute."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

The first thing I did when we got back to my house was crank the radio way up and the two of us danced it out.

That finally put a smile on her face. "Don't ever change, James Potter," she said as we dropped on to the couch in our exhausted states.

"Hm," I said curiously, "Most people say the opposite to me."

She laughed and we next raided the liquor cabinet.

It was now nearing eleven o'clock. One empty bottle of champagne was on its side on the table in front of us and an unopened one sat beside it. We were currently taking alternating swigs of a nearly-full bottle of firewhisky we had found. Hopefully, my parents wouldn't miss it.

An old Quidditch match had ended on the radio and we switched back over to Christmas carols. The Frenetic Flobberworms were currently singing an a capella version of "Silent Night" that Alice was humming along to while the two of us flipped through old photo albums I dug out from one of the bookshelves in the library.

"That's the third photo of Fred pushing me into the river," Alice groaned, glancing down at a photo of Fred laughing at a six-year-old Alice who was glaring at the camera in her wet clothes.

"Hm, you would have thought you would have learned to keep away from him and water," I teased, ducking as she attempted to swat at me with a pillow.

I flipped the page and felt myself frown. It was a photo of me and Fred with our fathers decked out in Quidditch jerseys at an old Quidditch game. I was standing on the bench cheering while Fred pouted beside me, which had me thinking that the Cannons must have just scored against the Tornadoes. I looked so happy. We all did. It struck me then how much easier things were when I was just a kid and nothing mattered except just being a kid.

"You okay?"

I glanced up at Alice with a smile and a nod before flipping to the next page. I laughed at a photo of Louis chasing Alice around with mistletoe. She laughed, too. "Oh, I forgot about that!" she squealed. "He said I was the only non-cousin there so I should be forced to kiss all of you."

"If I recall, you called him a pig," I smirked.

She nodded. "Once a pig, always a pig," she teased.

I laughed but stopped short. "Dammit, we're not going to get to meet Olive tonight."

"I'm sure Fred will sufficiently fill in as wiseass in your absence," she snickered.

She had a point, though I'd like to think I was numero uno in the wiseass department.

"Was that also the Christmas I kissed you?" I questioned, nodding at the photo in front of us.

She hesitated before nodding. "I think so. You told Louis I was your woman and if anyone would be kissing me, it'd be you. And then you just charged over to me and planted one on me."

"The element of surprise," I said with a grin. "That's how I roll."

She rolled her eyes, but the edges of her lips turned upward as she reached over and grabbed the firewhisky. Taking a sip, she offered it to me and I accepted. The bottle was to my lips when she said, "Can I ask you something?"

I nodded as the liquid slid down my throat.

"What really happened between you and Hattie?"

I froze, slowly bringing the bottle back down and staring at Alice. "Not sure what I was expecting you to ask me, but that certainly wasn't it," I murmured.

She shrugged awkwardly. "You finally admitted you liked her. So what happened?"

"You know what happened, Ace," I said a bit stiffly.

She sighed. "Is this really about the Code?"

"Of course it is," I muttered. "We can't date. It's that plain and simple."

She cocked her head to the side. "But you wanted to? Date her I mean."

"Well, I asked her out, so what do you think?"

Alice gaped at me. "You actually asked her out?"

Oh, right. Forgot that no one really knew about that.

"Yeah," I muttered, shrugging awkwardly. "Right before she reminded me of the Code, right before we slept together one last time, and right before we decided to end whatever arrangement we had before either of us got hurt."

Alice grew quiet, settling back against the couch cushion pensively. She didn't say anything and I wasn't sure if I wanted her to. I had already made my peace with the decision and everyone bringing it up was just reminding me I just lost the best shagmate I ever had.

"So it's over?" she questioned.

"Yes."

"Just like that?"

"Yes."

She frowned. "How do you feel about that?"

"I feel like it's over, it's done, and there's nothing more to talk about."

I could feel Alice's eyes on me but I refused to look, staring instead at the happy faces of the both of us on the page in front of me. I knew she had more questions. I knew she was curious about all of the details. But I just hoped she'd find a way to let it go.

"Well," Alice eventually said, clearing her throat, "This hasn't exactly been the best holiday break for either one of us, has it."

No, it really hasn't.

And thank you, Alice, for not saying anything more on the subject.

"Can't say I'm not looking forward to getting back to Hogwarts," I murmured, flipping the page of the photo album. The next photo was one of all of the Weasley and Potter cousins when I was about seven. We were all wearing our knitted sweaters we got from Grandmum for Christmas except for a one-year-old Lucy who was sleeping in Victoire's arms.

We got another sweater this Christmas (no surprise there), but I struggled to recall what I did with it. I had long stopped wearing them, typically tossing them into an old drawer never to be looked at again. I assumed I must have done the same with this year's sweater. Rebelling against my family was something I did best.

"I don't think I've seen you wear one of your sweaters in five or six years," Alice commented.

I shrugged. "They got itchy."

She clearly didn't believe me but didn't harp on it, of which I was grateful. I flipped the page and let out another sigh. Apparently I had forgotten just how many photos of my father were in there as I stared down a photo of my family at the beach. I was burying Dad in the sand with Al while Lily was building a sandcastle with Mum. Dad was pretending to holler to Mum for help, which only made me and Al work harder to cover him up, all while laughing.

Maybe looking at these photos was a bad idea.

I could feel Alice's eyes on me and I looked up at her, blurting out, "I spoke to my father today."

Her eyes nearly bulged out. "How the hell have we been here for almost two hours and you're only now mentioning that?"

I shrugged, tossing the photo album on to the table and slumping my head against the back of the couch cushion. "I didn't know if I wanted to talk about it."

She rested her head against the couch cushion closely beside mine. "But now you do?"

I frowned. "I don't know."

She offered me a lopsided smile. "Yet you just brought it up."

I sighed and stared up at the ceiling. I couldn't be sure why I brought it up, whether it was because the alcohol was impairing my judgment or because I knew if I could talk it out with anyone, it would be Alice. But now that it was out there, I knew I couldn't just take it back now.

"I told him that the reason I've been so angry all these years is because he lied to me and deceived me for eleven years."

Alice's eyebrow slowly rose upward. "Damn," she said with a low whistle. "What did he say to that?"

I sighed, my eyes still settled on the ceiling. "He had his reasons," I spoke vaguely.

I could feel her frowning beside me. "I'm assuming by you not telling me those reasons, you don't entirely believe them."

I slowly turned towards her, a shrug at the edge of my shoulders. "I don't not believe them."

"But you don't totally accept them either."

Still looking at her, I shook my head. "Not entirely," I muttered. "But I think it's because there's so much more to it than that. Maybe me shutting him out was the start of it but it's not like he didn't shut me out himself."

Alice's lips pursed and I could practically feel the wheels turning in her head. "Maybe he didn't shut you out, James. Maybe he just didn't know how to deal with you shutting him out."

I shook my head vigorously. "No, that puts it all on me and I won't accept that," I growled. "I know I didn't help things. I know I kept things from him, kept my feelings to myself. I know I picked fights with him and did things to spite him, like refusing to care about my studies. But he wasn't perfect himself. He picked fights with me, too. He kept secrets from me, too. He made me feel inadequate in everything I did. He didn't care about the same things I did and he made that clear. I'm not the only one to blame here for our shitty relationship."

I saw too much sympathy in Alice's eyes so I turned away from her. "So you talked to your dad about your first year," she spoke hesitantly, "But didn't bother to talk about anything since?"

I frowned. "I didn't even want to talk about my first year. Why would I take about the rest of it?"

That comment clearly confused her. "Then why did you?"

I gave her the same reason I had given Dad. "Because he overheard me talking to Mum. I would have liked to ignore it but Dad wouldn't exactly let me."

She didn't say anything so I turned towards her curiously. I was surprised to see a smile on her face. "Makes me think that perhaps he is looking to fix things between you," she pointed out, "Even if you're convinced otherwise."

I opened my mouth to argue but found that I had no argument.

That was a first for me.

But she was right. Dad could have overheard my conversation and walked away. He didn't have to confront me. He could have avoided me just as much as I was avoiding him, but he didn't. He forced himself into that conversation and forced me to talk to him. So maybe he did care a little bit. Maybe I had just been trying so hard for so many years to convince myself otherwise so that it would be easier pushing him away.

"I don't really want to think about that right now," I muttered, shaking my head.

I felt her hand on my arm and I glanced down at her. "It's ten minutes to midnight, Jay," she spoke softly. "Maybe now is the time to think about that."

I frowned in slight irritation. "Why? Because you think I shouldn't be going into the New Year holding on to this bad blood with my father?" I muttered.

She shrugged.

My jaw clenched. "It doesn't work like that," I spoke a bit too harshly. "Putting what Dad and I discussed earlier aside, there's still bad blood. There will always be bad blood. One conversation isn't going to change that."

She sighed. "That's because you only kept it to the one conversation. You didn't let yourself talk to him about the rest of it."

"And what if it wouldn't do any good? What if things would continue to be shitty even after that type of conversation?"

Alice stared at me, her piercing eyes studying me closely. "And what if you could have your father back?"

I turned away from her, my heart suddenly feeling incredibly heavy. "I've been fine without him for six years," I pointed out.

Her eyebrow slowly peaked upward. "Have you though?"

The answer to that question was not one I knew how to answer so I said nothing.

She offered me a small smile and I knew that was her way of telling me that my relationship with my father was up to me to figure out and she'd stay out of it if that was what I wanted.

For now, that was what I wanted.

But I was sure I'd change my mind at some point later.

"Three minutes to midnight," Alice said, her voice soft. "What would you change about this past year if you could change anything?"

I thought back on the year, of my team losing in the Quidditch finals and Quidditch summer camp and becoming Captain and holding tryouts and Alice being shoved down the stairs and the bet regarding Alice and the Christmas Eve debacle and Louis finding himself a girlfriend and Hattie and my confrontation with Dad and my fight with Lily and Lily's new boyfriend and Alice sitting in that cemetery.

I was about to tell her that I'd go back and kill Landon instead of just hex him, but as I caught Alice's gaze, another thought suddenly hit me. "Y'know," I started slowly, "A lot of shit happened this year. Some good, most bad. But you know what I remember most?"

She smiled curiously at me. "What?"

"That through it all, you were always there," I said with a shy smile. "So I wouldn't change anything because I know that nothing truly bad can happen to me with you in my life."

As I locked eyes with her, I was pleased to see awe-filled gratitude staring back at me. Her mouth was slightly parted, her blue eyes suddenly sparkling with appreciation, and all I could do was smile at her. With everything else going on in my life, she was always a constant. I loved her for it because while there was so much in my life that that was filled with turmoil and distress, she was never a part of that. She was the one thing I could count on. She made things easy. She made the hard things not so hard. I wasn't sure I told her enough just how much I appreciated it, how much I appreciated her. But I did. Always.

"Well, damn," she eventually said, the Christmas tree lights illuminating her face. "Has anyone ever told you that you have a real way with words?"

I smiled at her as the radio announcers interrupted the current song to countdown the last few seconds until midnight. "Only you," I whispered. "But that's just because you bring out the best in me, Ace. Always."

I had entirely different plans for that night, ones that didn't include confronting my father or spending it at my house with just Alice. But I can't say I hated how it ended. I would choose hanging out with Alice, just the two of us, than hanging out with a group of people that didn't include her any day of the week. She wasn't just my best friend, she was so much more than that. She was the one girl I couldn't live without. Nor did I ever want to.

"Ten…nine…eight…"

The countdown began and my eyes didn't stray from Alice's. I noticed the tiny dimple on her face from her smile and I saw the ring of navy that circled around her periwinkle pupils and I spotted the light flush in her cheeks and a sudden, very unexpected thought hit me that even though she was wearing no make-up and her eyes were still slightly swollen from when she must have cried earlier and her hair was pulled back into a sloppy bun, I was convinced I had never seen someone so beautiful before.

"Seven…six…five…four…"

My head suddenly felt fuzzy and I wanted to blame the alcohol, but I wasn't so sure that was what it was. Because in that moment, seconds away from midnight, I suddenly felt a very strong urge to lean over and kiss her.

"Three…two…one…HAPPY NEW YEAR!"

As the clock struck midnight, I could feel my heart pounding out of my chest, so rapidly that I was convinced Alice could feel it.

"Happy New Year, Jay," she said with a smile before leaning over to press a kiss to my cheek.

I forced out a smile, ignoring every confusing thought running through my head and my heart, and said instead, "Happy New Year, Ace."

And as she smiled at me, all I could do was smile back and ignore the very strange thought in the back of my head that a part me wished it wasn't my cheek she had kissed.

* * *

 **A/N:** And New Year's Eve officially comes to a close and with it, perhaps a slowly maturing James Potter?

Next up: back to school.


	15. Back 2 Good

**A/N:** Thank you all who reviewed last chapter and especially to "Madness" whose plea to update motivated me to edit and upload this chapter! Seems like people are both fond of Hattie and Alice so stay tuned to find out what unfolds next. I also want to use this time to talk about the many, _many_ mixed reactions about the relationship between Harry and James. I am aware that Harry Potter was a hero in his day and there are plenty of people who find it unsettling to see him portrayed so vastly different in this particular story but nowhere in the rulebook does it state that heroes make good fathers. Harry struggled a lot growing up and in my mind, he struggles a lot in his adult life, too. He's never been perfect. He's had his insecurities and those don'st just go away the moment he defeats Voldemort. Those stay with him. At least in my mind, it does. And for those who this version of him then I implore you to just stop reading and find another story. I am never opposed to constructive criticism. I am opposed to criticism for the sake of criticizing. If you have a helpful suggestion or a courteous opinion, I welcome it. If you have insults and insults only, just know that I don't particularly care nor do I take them personally as they only make me laugh. Because you somehow spent a good amount of time out of your day to make it to chapter 14 and then took even more time out of your day to write a rude response. So there must have been something I did right. I will admit that I have had a vision of many different Harry Potters as a Dad, some good and some not so good and in this story, I chose a not so good version of him. Is James acting like a brat? Yes. But he is a teenager who distanced himself from his father many years earlier and is only now starting to realize what six years worth of pent-up resentment feels like. Things won't get resolved overnight. That'll take a lot of time and it'll take a lot of growing up to do before he can get there. So if you're interested in seeing how that happens, and if you're interested in seeing how Harry himself handles it, please read on. And if you're not, then I'm okay with you finding a different story to read.

* * *

 **A WAY WITH WORDS**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 15: Back 2 Good

* * *

" _And everyone here knows  
Everyone here is thinking about  
Somebody else  
Well, it's best if we all keep this under our heads  
And I couldn't tell, if anyone here was feeling the way I do  
But I'm lonely now, and I don't know how  
To get it back to good."  
_-Matchbox Twenty

* * *

I didn't know what time it was but I felt myself being shaken awake. Groaning, I opened one eyelid and was surprised to see Mum leaning over me.

I blinked both eyes open, slowly sitting up. It took me a few seconds to realize that I was in my living room and Alice was currently at my side sleeping in my arms.

"What time is it?" I muttered groggily, ignoring my pounding headache that told me perhaps I had too much to drink the night before.

"Three in the morning," Mum said, taking a seat at the edge of the coffee table. She gestured towards the two empty champagne bottles and the near-empty firewhisky bottle. I recalled then that Alice and I chugged the last bottle of champagne after midnight hit (I presume she did it to celebrate the New Year; I did it to forget about the fact that I had been seriously contemplating kissing my best friend), followed by a drinking game we made up that every time the word 'Christmas' came up in one of the carols on the radio, we had to do shots of firewhisky.

Hm, I guess I've found the reason as to why we passed out on the couch.

"If I go over to the refrigerator, I'm assuming I won't be able to find the two bottles of champagne I bought for our traditional New Year's morning brunch," she said with a reproachful look on her face.

I looked up and offered her a sheepish smile. "Er…I was planning on replacing those before you found out."

"Your plan failed."

I was surprised to see that she didn't look all that upset with me as there was a slight upward curl to her lips, a sign of timid amusement. "Yeah, I can see that."

She nodded at the firewhisky. "I'm assuming that's also your father's and mine?"

"When was the last time either of you drank firewhisky, Mum?"

"That's not the point."

"Seems like part of the point."

She shot me a look. "I think the real question is, _why_ were you here drinking our alcohol?" she deflected. "Last I saw you, you were heading out the door and meeting up with your friends at a club."

I glanced down at Alice who was still sleeping in my arms. I only then realized that my left arm was numb, the circulation clearly cut off from where her head was residing. "She had a rough night," I murmured. "Wanted to be alone."

"And yet here you are with her."

I shot Mum a look. "Well, it was either that or she was going to be sitting in a cemetery in the freezing cold all night. There was no way I was about to leave her there."

Mum's eyes softened. "She visited her mother?"

I nodded.

"Is everything okay?"

I hesitated before saying, "It will be."

Mum sat back, a wistful look in her eye as she stared at me curiously. "You never cease to amaze me, James."

I blinked, unsure what to make of that. "Er…thanks?"

She offered me a small smile. "One minute, you're saying some of the harshest words a boy could say to his father and then the next, you're buying your sister expensive Quidditch tickets and giving up your New Year's Eve to comfort a girl in need. Couldn't you just choose to either be a prat or not? It would make things so much easier on the rest of us," she teased.

It was somewhat of a compliment but it still made me roll my eyes. "I am a prat, Mum."

Her eyes met mine as she slowly shook her head. "No, James," she spoke softly. "You're really not."

I appreciated her for saying so but didn't acknowledge it. "Any chance we could have this conversation at another time? Perhaps when Ace isn't trying to sleep?"

Mum pulled herself off the coffee table, reaching over atop the couch and pulling the throw blanket that sat there over myself and Alice. She smiled at me and said, "Happy New Year, James."

I smiled at her. "Happy New Year, Mum."

She disappeared and I yawned before shutting my eyes and resettling back into the couch.

"For the record, your Mum was right. You're not a prat."

I opened my eyes again and glanced down at Alice whose eyes were still closed, though a smile was now perched on the edge of her lips.

Smiling, I said, "Oh, good, you're awake. That means you can get off my arm. I have no feeling in it."

She laughed and obliged, picking her head off of me and settling it on to the couch cushion. "I take it back. You really are a prat."

"A prat who just gave up his New Year's Eve to comfort a girl in need, mind you."

She peeked an eye open and smiled up at me. "Yeah, well, if you're going to be a prat, at least you're my prat."

I smiled. "I'll take it."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I spent the entire day thinking back to that almost-midnight kiss and wondering what the hell had been going through my mind. I kept telling myself it had been partly because of the alcohol and partly because I had gotten caught up in the whole midnight kiss tradition, yet the memory wouldn't escape my mind no matter how hard I tried. Was I just feeling a bit anxious after letting Hattie go? Or was there something more to it than that?

We were on our own for dinner that night as Mum and Dad were at some Ministry charity auction so Lily, Al, and I were currently in a heated debate about what to eat.

"There is no way in hell I am letting you near that oven, James," Lily argued from where she sat at the kitchen island, her feet currently perched atop the island (I suppose no one ever taught her manners.)

"Hey, I could be an excellent cook but how will I ever know if you all just keep stifling my cooking attempts?"

"I'm pretty sure an excellent cook wouldn't screw up the boiling of water."

"That was one time and I got distracted!"

"Yeah, by a girl on the back porch if I recall correctly," Al snorted.

I shot him a look. "How about you cook for us, Funny Boy?"

"Did we ever really turn down the idea of ordering a bloody pizza?"

"I have no money," I argued. "I spent it all on Lily's Christmas present."

"Oy, don't blame me for this!"

"I wasn't blaming you for anything, Lils. I was reminding you what an amazing brother you have."

"Yes, I know Al is amazing. It's my other brother I'm not so sure about— _ouch_ ," she groaned when I tossed a plastic spoon at her.

Hey, at least it wasn't a knife.

"Like I suggested earlier, we could always skip over to the Leaky Cauldron and get that BFF of yours to whip us up a few delicious meals," Al pointed out, eyeing me up curiously.

He had tried suggesting that earlier and I cut him off by suggesting I'd make them dinner. I had been hoping the subject wouldn't reappear but alas, I was not that lucky. "We are not using Alice for free food," I argued.

"Why not? You do it all the time," Lily snorted.

I shot her a look. "Fine, we'll order a bloody pizza."

Al cheered but Lily's eyebrow shot up far too quickly for my liking. "Why are you avoiding Alice?"

"I'm not," I said a bit too quickly even though I was.

She smirked, rocking the stool on to its back legs tauntingly. "Does this have anything to do with why the two of you spent last night here instead of out with those friends of yours?"

I scowled. "Who the hell told you that?" I scoffed.

"Rose told Hugo who told me. You should know by now that secrets are hard to come by with this family."

"Tell that to Dad," I muttered to myself before shaking the prior night's conversation with Dad out of my head. "Are we going to order this pizza or not?"

In response, the doorbell rang.

The three of us looked at each other.

"Man, when they say they deliver in under thirty minutes, they really mean it," Al joked.

I shot him a look before climbing out of my chair and disappearing into the foyer to open the door.

I blinked in surprise at the unexpected visitor. "Hattie," I said with a hesitant smile. "Hi."

She smiled. "Happy New Year."

"To you, too," I replied, stepping to the side. "Come on in."

As she did, Al trickled into the foyer. "Please tell me you brought pizza, Wilkes."

Hattie looked puzzled, glancing at me curiously. "Ignore him," I said. "He's grumpy when he's hungry."

"I'm ordering now but you better pay up or you're not getting any," Al spoke.

"Oh, no, however will I survive," I drawled.

He rolled his eyes before disappearing back into the kitchen.

I turned towards Hattie and smiled. "So what do I owe this unexpected pleasure?"

She frowned. I didn't like that. "Remember when you promised me you wouldn't leave me alone with your antagonistic cousins in exchange for my friendship?"

Shit.

Shit, shit, shit.

"You know, _right_ before you left me alone all night with your antagonistic cousins?"

"I am really not starting off this whole friendship thing on the right foot," I murmured.

"No," she spoke bluntly. "You're really not."

Her expression was gentle but her words were slightly cutting. It was hard to tell if she was mad or not but I had a feeling that whatever conversation we were about to have, I didn't want my sister and brother listening on from the kitchen.

"Er…c'mon, let's go up to my room," I suggested, nodding towards the stairwell.

She didn't move. "Nothing good ever comes from me being up in your bedroom."

I hesitated. "One could argue the opposite."

She glared at me.

I grinned. "Library then?"

She shrugged and slipped past me towards the library. I followed her in and shut the door. Just for good measure, I muttered the _muffliato_ spell, too.

"I'm sorry, Hattie," I spoke immediately before she could remind me what a prat I was. "My intention was not to leave you alone. I went looking for Ace and she…well, she had had a pretty shitty night and didn't really want to be around other people, so-"

"I know all this," Hattie cut me off with a shrug. "You put it in that very succinct letter you sent to the bar last night."

I wasn't sure how to respond to that so I just said again, "I'm sorry."

She sat down on the couch, but only for a moment before pulling herself back up again, pacing the floor as she suddenly became interested in book titles. I watched her, wondering what was making her so jittery. I could have asked her but I thought that might have invited a response I wasn't at all prepared for.

She eventually turned to me. "You asked me to Hogsmeade, you invited me into your home on Christmas Eve, you asked me out on a date, you begged me to come out for New Year's Eve with you," she said slowly.

When she said nothing more, I couldn't help but say, "I thought we already went over all of this."

Her eyes filled with an unexpected desperation. "But did it ever occur to you that maybe I was never the one you wanted?"

All I could do was stare at her. "What are you talking about?"

She bit down on the inside of her lip and I could see the thoughts running rampant through her mind, her eyes blinking in frantic surprise. "You want to know why it took me so long to admit I liked you, James?"

"The Code?" I suggested.

She shook her head slowly. "No," she murmured. "Because I was afraid that you and I would never have what you have with Alice."

Friendship?

I was fairly certain Hattie and I had a lot more than that.

"And I've felt second best in my family for a long time," she continued. "I wasn't really really looking to feel that way with you, too."

Was it just me or was she talking in riddles?

"Any chance you could be less cryptic?" I growled.

She turned away from me, brushing her hair away from her face with a sigh. "You promised me you wouldn't leave me alone with your cousins. And five minutes later, you couldn't be bothered to remember that promise because the moment Alice needed you, you took off without a second thought."

I refrained from pointing out that that was because Alice was my best friend since I had a feeling that would only make Hattie feel even more inadequate than I had already made her feel. I didn't really need to validate the whole "second best" speculation she already brought up.

"I'm not denying that you cared about me," she murmured with a slow shake of the head. "But the truth is, you'll always care about her more."

Once again, saying "because Alice is my best friend" felt like the entirely wrong thing to say. So once again, I said nothing.

A sad smile appeared on her face as she spoke her next words. "So maybe the girl you actually want to be with just so happens to be the girl you already have."

I stared at her, waiting for the punchline before it slowly dawned on me what she was trying to say. I opened my mouth to immediately dispute it, but nothing came out. I couldn't be sure if it was because the very idea of having feelings for my best friend sounded so ludicrous or if it was the complete opposite, that the very idea of having feelings for my best friend wasn't nearly as outlandish as I once would have thought, but either way, I suddenly found myself without a single thing to say.

I shook the second thought from my head rather quickly, though that didn't completely erase it. But even though I may have had some almost-kiss with Alice, she was and always would be just my best friend. I was incredibly close with her and perhaps that was muddling some relationship lines I hadn't been previously aware of but that didn't mean I felt something more than just a close kinship with her.

 _It was just a kinship_.

Right?

"That's ridiculous," I eventually said, unable to let the silence continue. "I mean, it's not like I could date her or anything. Gryffindor has their own internal Code, remember?"

She grew quiet, surprise shining in her eyes. "That's all you have to say?" she said with a rather condescending chuckle.

I didn't know what to say. The thought of me liking one girl had seemed preposterous, but the thought of not only liking another but liking my best friend was incredibly laughable. It had to be laughable. Alice and I had been best friends for seventeen years, almost eighteen. It's not as if I have ever once held any romantic interest in her.

Then again, before a week ago, I had never held any romantic interest in anyone.

 _What the hell was happening to me_?

If this was what growing up felt like then I think I found the reason why I avoided it all these years.

Running my fingers through my hair, I said the only thing I could. "We're just friends."

Hattie smirked. "That took you about a whole five minutes to say."

"Because you caught me off-guard," I huffed.

Her smirk turned into a cautious frown. "I don't think I did," she spoke softly.

Damn her. Damn her for always managing to read my mind. _Damn her_.

"You're wrong, Hattie," I seethed, brushing the hair from my face as I let out an irritated sigh.

She cocked her head to the side. "You do realize that you play with your hair when you're lying, right?"

I tore my hand away from my hair immediately. "Why are you here, Hattie?" I growled.

She swiftly turned away from me, her eyes studying the book titles once again. "Because I don't think we can be friends."

I stared at her. "Well, that didn't last long."

She fixed her stare on me, her eyes rigid. "You probably already know this, but it's clear that no girl will ever compare to Alice in your mind. No one will ever be able to live up to her. Alice will always be first to you. And it's not because you couldn't love someone that isn't Alice. It's because I don't think you want to."

I struggled to make sense of all this, her words jumbling around in my brain irrationally. A small part of me knew there was possibly some truth in what Hattie was saying but a larger part of me felt it was best to just deny it all because I was not willing to admit that there had been a change in my friendship with Alice. It was stupid of me to even consider that possibility just because I had inhaled a few alcoholic drinks and felt compelled to kiss someone on a night when that thought ran through everyone's mind when the clock struck midnight.

It was nothing more than me being caught up in the tradition of it all.

 _It couldn't be anything more._

Right?

My thoughts were suddenly driving me crazy. And as the frustration bubbled inside of me, though for who I couldn't be sure, I couldn't help but take it out on the only person in the room. "I don't know if you're just jealous of Alice or if you're annoyed at me for ditching you last night or if it's a combination of both, but the one thing I do know is that you don't have a clue what you're talking about so maybe it's just best if you stop talking altogether."

Her eyes clouded over with anger, her expression growing dark. "This isn't about jealousy," she huffed. "It's about you and how once again you're going to pretend you have no bloody feelings at all towards anyone or anything just because you think that is far easier than actually feeling something."

She took off towards the door, and maybe I should have just left it at that, but I didn't. "I admitted I liked you, didn't I?" I called after her.

She hesitated at the door, slowly turning around to face me. "Why did you?"

I blinked. "Why did I like you?"

"No," she said, shaking her head, "Why did you admit it?"

Because everyone was telling me I had feelings for her.

That was my initial thought. But even I knew that would absolutely be the wrong thing to say to her. And it wasn't even the truth. Maybe it was part of the truth but it wasn't all of it. Because I could pretend I blamed everyone else for what transpired between me and Hattie but deep down, maybe _very_ deep down, I knew there was something between me and Hattie that I had felt genuinely interested in exploring. It didn't work out obviously and a huge part of me was okay with that since being a bachelor was something I excelled in, but the smallest part of me had felt slight disappointment in knowing that once again something in my life found a way to be derailed.

"If you don't think I had actual feelings for you, you're wrong," I spoke softly.

She met my gaze, hesitation and uncertainty resting in her eyes. "I think you did," she agreed. "But I also think I'm not the only one you have actual feelings for."

She was wrong.

 _She had to be wrong._

Right?

She glanced back towards the door and I had a feeling she was trying to figure out how to leave without it being awkward and while it would have been far easier just saying good-bye and letting her go, I apparently I had a conscience because I found myself blurting out, "I'm sorry for bailing on you last night."

Her eyebrow popped up, her eyes locking with him hesitantly before she shrugged. "It's fine. Ended up having a decent time actually," she spoke stiffly. "I snogged your cousin at midnight."

I blinked. " _What?_ Who!?"

She shrugged. "Fred," she said with a shrug. "And then Ryleigh Carver kicked me in the shin. Pretty sure she was looking to snog him at midnight before I beat her to the punch. Still have a bruise."

I blinked again. " _You snogged Fred_?"

"He was there and I was drunk so yes."

I was going to kill that son of a bitch.

And why the hell was Ryleigh Carver still interested in Fred after he dropped her months ago? Are all girls that stupid?

"I told you I'd find a guy for you to snog at midnight. I did not say _snog my cousin_."

She shrugged, a bit of a smirk resting on her face. "Yeah, well, when you disappear for a whole night, I get to do things to spite you."

"How mature of you," I huffed while thinking of all the ways I could decapitate Fred's pretty little head.

She rolled her eyes. "Well, that's my cue to go."

I said nothing as she headed towards the door.

She stopped right before the door and turned around. "You're not even trying to stop me."

My brow knitted in confusion. "Stop you from what?"

Her eyes met mine. "I came to tell you I didn't think it was a good idea to be friends and you haven't denied it."

I wasn't sure what the right answer to that was supposed to be, knowing full well that Hattie and had never been friends in the first place and perhaps it was better to just leave it that way. With a shrug, I just said, "Yeah, well, I've never been all that great at being friends with the opposite sex I suppose."

Her head cocked to the side. "Except for Alice."

I should have seen that coming.

With a sigh, I said, "You're turning my friendship with her into something it isn't."

She smirked. "No, I'm turning your friendship into something it could be. You just don't want to see it."

My eyes narrowed before nodding towards the exit. "Oh, look, the door," I snapped. "Time for you to use it now."

"And once again, you avoid your feelings."

"No, actually, the only thing I'm trying to avoid right now is you."

She shot me a glare. "I know you're pretty much an expert at being an arse, but don't get all bent out of shape just because I'm trying to do is have a conversation with you."

I glared right back. "A conversation about some phantom not-so-platonic relationship with my best friend that I've told you numerous times to drop. So really, who's the arse here, Wilkes?"

She looked both surprised and frustrated all at the same time, which wasn't all that surprising since I was being uncooperative and on top of that, I decided to call her by her last name when that was something I never did.

"Definitely still you, _Potter_ ," she seethed as she practically ripped open the door. Before storming out, she turned around and with a glare, said, "I know that you pretty much thrive on keeping your feelings at bay, or at least pretending you don't have any, but don't take too long to figure things out with Alice because I promise you, she's not going to wait around forever. And the moment you finally realize that things might not be so black-and-white with her anymore is probably going to be the very unfortunate and untimely moment right after someone else figures it out first."

I neglected to tell her that there was nothing for Alice to wait around for. We had been friends for seventeen years and I didn't see that changing anytime soon, no matter what Hattie thought (or, subconsciously, what I thought), Alice was too important in my life for me to even attempt to mess things up. Because we all know that's what I was best at: messing shit up. Well, I may have messed things up with Dad and I may have messed things up with Hattie, but I was not about to mess them up with Alice. So whether it was the alcohol or the deep conversation or the holiday cheer in the air that made my mind turn towards unexpected thoughts the night before, it didn't matter. It didn't mean anything because it couldn't mean anything.

 _It couldn't mean anything_.

Right?

"Thanks for the advice," I said a bit too flatly. "Now, I believe that door is officially calling your name, _Wilkes_."

She scowled before storming out.

When I entered the kitchen, two pizzas sat out on the table. I grabbed a slice and dropped on to one of the stools opposite my sister, pretending not to notice their curious stares.

Lily broke the silence. "Well, at least this time your conversation didn't end in a shag."

I threw a piece of pepperoni at her.

"We don't know that, Lily," Albus smirked. "He could have just been really quick on the draw."

I threw a piece of pepperoni at him.

Then I punched him.

Then I grabbed another piece of pizza and walked out.

"You still have to pay for that, y'know!"

I flipped Albus off and kept going.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

It was early the next morning when I flooed into Uncle George and Aunt Angelina's living room. I dusted off the soot from my slacks and wound my way through their downstairs rooms.

"James?"

I glanced up, smiling at George and Angelina sitting at the dining room table with the newspaper and a couple of teas. "Hey there. Don't mind me. I'm just here to kill your son."

Angelina looked alarmed but George shrugged and glanced back down at the newspaper. "He's in his room."

"George!" Angelina groaned, backhanding his shoulder.

"What?" he said, rubbing his shoulder. "I'm sure James has a good reason."

" _George_."

George grinned goofily as Aunt Angelina turned towards me with a sigh. "What did Fred do this time?"

Right, like I was going to tell her that her son snogged my ex-shagmate. "Er…that's really between me and him, Aunt Angie."

"When you're plotting to murder my child, I think I have the right to know why."

"He knows what he did."

"Yes, but I don't. Until then, I'd prefer you didn't murder him."

I shrugged hesitantly. "Okay, fine, I won't. I'll just rough him up a bit."

"That sounds like a fair compromise," George chimed in.

" _George_ ," Angelina scowled, ignoring the laughter spilling from both George and myself.

"Let him do it, Mum. Seems to me Fred could use some roughing up," a new voice spoke from the doorway. I glanced over my shoulder, my eyes immediately narrowing at Roxanne who was standing there with Zig.

"Isn't it a little too early for you to be skulking around here?" I drawled at the boy.

"Same could be said to you," Roxanne shot my way with a glare.

"I have business to tend to."

"Business you have yet to inform us about," Angelina chimed in with a sigh.

"Not true," I said, offering her a teasing grin. "I told you my business consisted of murdering your son, or in the very least, roughing him up a bit."

"The why has yet to be determined," she sighed.

I shrugged. "Don't worry, there won't be any visible marks on your son when I'm done with him."

"How reassuring," she spoke sarcastically.

I laughed and spun around, heading towards the stairwell. I took the stairs in twos and didn't even bother knocking Fred's door before barging in. As expected, he was curled up in bed with the covers over his head and the sound of light snores spilling from his lips.

"Get up, you lazy bum!" I said, kicking him in the shins.

He jumped and let out a yelp. "What's happening? What's going on?" he asked groggily, squinting as he tried to collect his bearings. "James?"

"Morning, Sunshine," I drawled.

He blinked, letting out a stifled yawn. "What the hell are you doing waking me up at the crack of dawn?"

"It's eleven o'clock."

"Like I said, the crack of dawn."

I wasn't amused. "Anything you want to tell me about New Year's Eve?"

Fred looked at me jadedly, slowly sitting up with another stifled yawn. "It's the night before New Year's Day?"

" _Fred_."

He chuckled. "You look pissed. What did I do this time?"

I glared at him. "You snogged Hattie!"

He winced. "Technically, she snogged me."

"Oh, and I'm sure you pushed her away."

"I did actually."

My eyes narrowed. "You expect me to believe that?"

He shrugged. "Ask anyone that was there."

I tilted my head to the side. "Like Ryleigh Carver?"

He shrugged again. "Well, she was there so yeah, Ryles is one person you could ask."

I shot him a look. "I thought I told you to stay away from Hufflepuffs."

"And since when did I listen to you?"

I scoffed. "Have you always been this bloody irritating?"

"Pretty much, yeah."

I folded my arms across my body. "You really pushed Hattie away?"

He shrugged. "It happened quickly. Clock struck midnight, there were about five girls hanging around us and before I decided who to kiss, Hattie just leaned over and planted one on me. I may have let it happen for a few seconds but when I finally realized what was happening, I pulled away. She just smiled and then disappeared. Something tells me she wishes it had been you, mate."

I sighed. "Yeah, well that ship has long sailed," I muttered, thinking of the less-than-pleasant way we left things.

His eyebrow quirked. "So by you coming here accusing me of snogging your ex-shagmate, I can only assume she's spoken to you about that night. Which means I'm sure she's given you an earful about she was none too pleased that you ditched her for the evening."

"It's not like I did it on purpose," I muttered.

Fred looked at me, his eyes studying me carefully. "So you just forgot that you told her you wouldn't leave her alone?"

I sighed. "Something like that."

His eyes narrowed, his silence making me feel very unsettled. "What happened with AliCat, James?"

I went into slight panic mode. "What? What do you mean? Nothing happened. We're just friends," I spoke, perhaps a little too quickly.

Fred blinked once. And then twice. And then a few more times before his eyes started to narrow. "I was asking what happened with her that made you two bail on the rest of us," he drawled. "But what in Merlin's name did you think I was referring to?"

Fuck.

"Nothing."

Fred looked very unconvinced. "No one says 'we're just friends' unless something happened to make them say that."

"Nothing happened."

He smirked. "Holy hell, did you snog AliCat at midnight?"

"No!" I said, shaking my head.

His smirk only grew. "Did you want to snog AliCat at midnight?"

I hesitated. "No," I lied, running my fingers through my hair.

Fred laughed. "Then why are you running your fingers through your hair, you big liar?"

I dropped my hand quickly. "Does everyone know I play with my hair when I'm lying?" I scoffed.

"So you admit you're lying?"

I frowned, swiveling around Fred's desk chair and straddling it with a sigh. "There was a lot of alcohol involved," I muttered. "And it was midnight on New Year's Eve. She was the only girl around. It was nothing more than that."

Fred leaned back against his headboard with an odd look on his face. "Are you trying to convince _me_ of that?" he probed. "Or yourself?"

I probably could have used some advice from Fred – hell from anyone – but that defeated the purpose of pretending nothing happened so I merely shook my head. "Drop it, Fred," I murmured. "It was nothing."

He didn't. "Damn, look at my boy growing up," he teased. "First Hattie, now AliCat. Do I actually hear wedding bells in your future?"

I grabbed a book off his desk and threw it at his head. He ducked, laughing. "You're an arse, you know that?" I grumbled.

Fred grinned. "That is so not what Hattie said the other night when she was snogging me."

This time I got him straight in the forehead with a book.

"And for that I'm not going to tell you that your sister is downstairs making kissy faces with that new boyfriend of hers," I said, pulling myself off the chair and heading towards the door.

Fred jumped out of bed with a growl. " _Let's go bash that jackoff's face in_."

I shrugged. "Yeah, alright, I might as well rough someone up today."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I rarely went a few hours during the holidays without stopping by the Leaky Cauldron to bother Alice so I wasn't surprised when she showed up at my bedroom door two days later and said, "Why are you avoiding me?"

I was taken aback by the question, not because I didn't know what she was talking about but because I didn't have a good answer to it.

So I went with a lie.

"I'm not," I said for that was much better than telling her I was trying to figure out what the hell changed between us on New Year's Eve.

If anything changed at all.

I was still trying to work out the details in my mind.

"I'm about to come off completely narcissistic but here goes: you knew how much I was struggling after my fight with AJ and I thought for sure you'd be knocking on my door day in and day out ever since that night, trying to give me some excuse to get away from the pub and out of my head for a few hours, since that's what you've always done in the past and yet it's been total radio silence," she blurted out, her words coming out in a confused jumble. "Did I do something to upset you?"

I looked at her curiously, more just trying to figure out if the girl standing in front of me was my best friend of seventeen years or the girl I had felt compelled to kiss on New Year's Eve.

The answer didn't come to me.

"Oh, good, more radio silence," she sighed when I didn't respond. "Was your resolution for the year to be a complete mute?"

"No," I finally said with a chuckle. "I've just been…" I trailed off, not even sure what I wanted to say.

"Was your resolution for the year to forget how to speak coherently?"

" _No_ ," I laughed, shaking my head at her and for a moment, an incredibly brief moment, I considered telling her what Hattie had insinuated right before I told myself I'd be an idiot if I did that. So I just sighed and told her a rather large spin on the truth. "I'm sorry I've been so distant. It's not you. Selfishly, I've been dealing with so much of my own shit lately that I just ended up neglecting yours. But that's not fair to you. You deserve better. So c'mon, let's go do something, preferably something that keeps us away from both your family and mine."

As I said it, I knew that whatever had been running through my mind on New Year's Eve was going to come to a full stop right then and there. I needed Alice in my life and she needed me and I didn't have time to question what that really meant. She was my best friend, always would be, and that was enough for me now, just like it always had been.

(Right?)

She didn't look entirely convinced but instead of pushing she subject she just smirked and said, "You talk to Teddy yet?"

I scowled. "Then again, I'm totally fine just hanging out on my own."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

The last night of the holidays had Grandmum throwing her usual back-to-school dinner. I tried getting out of it but Mum laughed, saying that not even a bedridden illness would ever get any of us out of a dinner with her mother.

So there I was sitting off in the corner of the Burrow, counting down every hour left before the Hogwarts Express would leave its station.

"15 bloody hours," I muttered to no one in particular.

"You talking to yourself over here?"

I nearly jumped as Rose dropped on to the chair beside me, folding her arms in her usual defensive manner.

"Please tell me you already have an escape plan brewing," she growled.

I glanced around the room and noticed the absence of my brother, who was probably purposely keeping himself away from her. "You still fighting with Al?"

"No, because then he'd have to be actually talking to me," she muttered. "By the way, I'm sitting with you guys on the train tomorrow."

I figured that would wind up being the case but I couldn't help myself when I said, "But how am I supposed to complain about our fucked-up family with you there?"

She shot me a look. "You don't think I'll be joining in?"

She made a good point.

Teddy wandered into the room at that time and our eyes met for a brief moment before his eyes filled with irritation and he turned back around and walked out.

Fred made his way over to me and said, "What's with you and Teddy?"

Oh, he picked up on that, did he?

Then again, Teddy wasn't exactly being subtle about his current distaste for me.

"Nothing."

"He's been glaring at you all night."

"No, he's been avoiding me all night."

"Why?"

"No reason," I lied.

Fred rolled his eyes. "Anyone else fighting in this family that I'm not aware of?"

"Teddy isn't technically family," I said pettily.

Both Rose and Fred looked surprised, and annoyed, by those words. "Actually, he is," Rose spoke stubbornly. "He married our cousin which makes him family. Not to mention, _he already was family before that_."

I decided it was best not to respond.

"Teddy is one of the few people in this family that manages to get along with every single one of us," Fred continued when I remained mute on the subject. "What did you do to change that?"

I found myself glaring at him. "Who the hell says that I did something?"

"Oh, please, you always do something," Rose spoke dismissively.

I turned my glare on her and she just smirked.

"For that, I'm telling Al you've had a crush on Malfoy since the day you met him."

She just shrugged. "Go right ahead. It's not like he'd believe you."

Dammit, she was totally right.

Victoire and Teddy later announced to the family that they were expecting their second child, keeping everyone occupied for quite some time. Fred, Louis, Rose, and I played a drinking game for the rest of the night that anytime anyone mentioned her pregnancy, we had to take a shot.

Only took us fifteen minutes to realize that that was a bad idea.

Somehow, we all survived the night and there I was sitting on the train, grateful for another awful holiday behind me. They may have only been two weeks but holy shit, they felt longer. Dad had actually accompanied Mum to the platform to drop us all off. Neither of us made any mention of our conversation from New Year's Eve but the hug we shared before I headed on to the train didn't feel as awkward as it usually did so I suppose that had to count for something. I was surprised but pleased that Mum hadn't brought up that night to me since, clearly not feeling all that compelled to give me her side of the story like Dad had suggested. I was even more surprised, and relieved, that Dad hadn't come knocking at my door to continue our conversation.

Then again, it wasn't as if I gave him any reason to believe I wanted that.

Alice's head was currently in my lap as she finished coloring in a sketch she had started on Christmas Eve. Our New Year's Eve almost-encounter had long been forgotten in my mind as I read up on Quidditch stats. Fred was there with his head leaning up against the window and Rose was beside him with her nose buried in a book. While we had always gotten along in the past, it was unusual to be spending so much time together. But I guess I didn't mind it much. I was beginning to think she wasn't all that bad.

The compartment door opened and we all looked up as Jax wandered in.

"Ah, the elusive one arrives," Fred greeted him. "Where the hell were you on New Year's Eve, mate?"

His eyes flickered over to Rose's briefly before he glanced back over at Fred with a shrug. "Ask Rose."

That got my attention. "Oh, bloody hell. Are you two still fighting? I can't keep track of your sick, twisted friendship," I groaned. Hesitating, I added, "Or lack thereof."

"It's definitely not a friendship," Rose drawled. "And I told Jackson he was only allowed to show up on New Year's Eve if he didn't bring that ditz of a girlfriend with him. I spend enough time with that prig unfortunately. I didn't need to spend my holiday with her, too."

"Has anyone ever told you what a bitch you can be, Weasley?" Jax snapped.

My eyebrow shot up. "You do realize you're in a roomful of her cousins, Bloch."

He rolled his eyes. "Two of her cousins," he corrected. "And I'm pretty sure you've called her a bitch yourself on several occasions."

I shrugged. "I'm allowed to. I'm her cousin."

"Just like I'm allowed to call James an obnoxious fuck-up," Rose drawled, shooting me a dirty look.

A very true statement.

"I'm confused," Fred spoke to Jax, shaking his head. "I thought you were already planning on coming to Dragon's Lair without your ball and chain so why would Rose's words have deterred you, Bloch?"

"I wasn't really looking to spend my New Year's Eve arguing over my dating prospects with a girl who was caught snogging Scorpius fucking Malfoy."

Hm, he had a point.

"I'm not really looking to argue over your dating prospects now either so you're more than welcome to turn around and walk out," Rose countered, burying her head back into her book carelessly.

He rolled his eyes, glancing towards me. "I would have avoided this compartment altogether but there's a rumor going around that Hattie showed up at James' doorstep not once but twice since that rather eventful Christmas Eve and that got my curiosity going."

I stiffened, glancing up and meeting the smirk in my beater's eyes. "And here I thought only Fred landed on my Shit List this week. Guess I'll be adding my sister to it, too."

That seemed to spark some interest. "What the hell did Fred do this time?" Alice asked with some serious reservations.

It was Rose who chimed in. "Oh, you haven't heard? Hattie's making the rounds in our family. She snogged Fred on New Year's Eve," she smirked. "Wonder when she'll get her claws into Louis. Ooh, or maybe Albus. Last I heard, Hugo was single."

Remember when I said I didn't mind it that Rose was hanging around us lately?

I take that back.

"Or maybe she'll turn gay and plant one on you, Rosie darling," I drawled, lifting Alice's head off my lap and pulling myself off the bench. "Now if you excuse me, I need to have a little talk with my sister about keeping my private matters private."

Alice grabbed my arm to keep me from disappearing out the door. "When did Hattie stop by a second time?"

"When was the _first_ time?" Jax intervened.

Damn, I was hoping they would forget all about that.

"Oh, around the same time James asked her out," Rose smirked.

Seriously, why haven't I thrown her out of the compartment yet?

I shot her a glare as Jax let out a gasp of surprise. I groaned. "Bloody hell, you heard about that, too?"

"There are no secrets in our family, James. You should know that by now."

I really had to remember that.

Wait.

"The only people who knew about that were Hattie and Alice," I argued, glancing down at the blonde beside me. "I'd accuse you of running your mouth, Ace, but you've never revealed my secrets before so I can't imagine it was you."

Her eyebrow popped up curiously. "I…think that was a compliment?"

"Lily knew about it," Rose explained. "Well, she didn't know for sure but she strongly suspected it. And you now just confirmed it."

Dammit.

"I buy her expensive Quidditch tickets and keep her bloody boyfriend on the Quidditch team and I _don't_ kill the kid and bury him in an undetected area with Hugo's help and this is how she repays me?" I groaned.

"Okay, seriously, where did this rumor come from that my brother knows how to get rid of dead bodies?" Rose murmured.

I shrugged. "Not sure but you're probably going to find out how true it is when Malfoy disappears never to be heard from again."

Rose rolled her eyes. "Just because you and Fred are overprotective berks doesn't mean my brother is."

"You underestimate how unpleasant it is to picture your sister snogging the devil for two straight months."

No one responded as mouths dropped open throughout the compartment. "For fuck's sake, you were snogging that shithead for _two months_?" Fred snarled at Rose.

Rose's cheeks turned scarlet. "Thanks for that, James."

Oops.

"Oh, right, no one knew that little detail," I said sheepishly.

"Two bloody months sucking face with that prick and you have the audacity to judge my relationship with Laikyn?" Jax scoffed. "Oh, you are a fucking piece of work, Rose Weasley."

With that he stormed off, the sound of the compartment door crashing loudly against its frame.

We all turned towards Rose who looked torn between looking furious and ashamed.

"Y'know, Rose," I said with a sigh, "With your friendship with that dear brother of mine on the rocks, you might want to consider playing nice with others."

She let out a grunt, resting her head against the compartment cushion. "Gee, I'm sorry, did I ever once give you the impression that I know the meaning of the word nice?"

Come to think of it, no.

"Of course not. Weasleys don't have 'nice' in their blood," Fred shot back with a teasing grin.

I shared a look with Rose and we both shrugged. "He's not wrong," I chuckled.

"Yes, he is," Alice groaned. "Not all of you are that bad."

"Name one," Fred challenged.

Alice hesitated before shrugging. "Lucy."

"That's because she's eleven," I shot back as Fred continued to laugh. "Give her time. She'll become a she-devil in no time."

"Yep," Fred agreed with a vigorous nod. "All the girls in our family end up that way."

Rose kicked me in the shins at the same time she punched Fred's shoulder.

"See?" I whined, rubbing my throbbing leg. "She-devil."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Word spread quickly through the train that a fist fight had broken out in the corridor.

Alice was leaning up against me with her eyes closed as I played a pretty poor game of chess against Fred when a rush of thunderous footsteps hurried past our compartment.

"What the hell?" Rose was the first to speak, lifting her head out of her novel.

"What's going on?" Fred murmured.

"Go find out," I said, nodding towards the door.

"Why not you?"

"I've got a sleeping girl in my lap," I argued.

"Not anymore," Alice spoke groggily, wiping her eyes as she lifted her head from my lap. "What is going on out there?"

"C'mon," I urged, pulling myself off the bench with the others right behind me. I threw open the compartment door and grabbed the first person that came by.

"Oy!" he grunted. "What the hell are-"

"What's going on out here? Why is the corridor filling with students?" I questioned, only just moving out of the way as another herd of students shoved past us. " _Watch where you're going!_ "

"A fight broke out," the boy said, struggling to get away from my grasp. I recognized him as CJ and Hugo's roommate, Buzz.

"Oh, please let it be Pruitt," I said a bit too gleefully, letting the boy go. "Ooh, or Jessup! No, both!"

Buzz had taken a few steps down the corridor before stopping, glancing over at me. "Actually," he said with a sheepish shrug, "It's your brother."

He was off before I could question him further.

I stood there dumbfounded, ignoring the shocked looks of my friends around me. "No," I eventually said, shaking my head, "No way. Al has never been in a fight in his entire life. He's the good Potter, remember? The polite, rule-abiding, non-trouble-starting Potter. Buzz must have him confused with someone else."

"Oh, right, because people often confuse the adolescent lookalike of Harry Potter for someone else," Fred drawled.

Alice shot him a look. "C'mon, let's go break it up," she scoffed, taking off down the hallway.

"Or egg him on," Fred said with a grin as he quickly followed.

I was about to fall in line, but I noticed that Rose hadn't moved from the doorway. "Well? You coming?"

She frowned, meeting my gaze with what I could only describe as defeat. "You know who he's probably fighting, right?"

I grimaced. "I'm going to go with Kat. She can be downright feisty at times."

She glared at me. Apparently she wasn't in the mood for jokes.

"He'll come around, Rose," I urged.

Rose looked at me, slowly shaking her head. "I've tried talking to him exactly twelve times since Christmas Eve and every time, he either calls me a slut or walks away from me without a word. So no, I'm thinking that there's a good chance he won't come around."

It was highly probable that she was right about that.

I decided not to tell her that, however. Wouldn't want to kick her while she's down.

"C'mon," I said, wrapping my arm around her shoulder and steering her down the now near-empty corridor. "Let's go yell at Al for being an uptight dick."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

We managed to squeeze our way through the crowd of people to the front where Alice was currently berating the two boys.

" _I don't care what kind of stupid teenage problems you have with each other, you do not use your fists as the bloody answer_!"

I grinned. It was a nice change of pace for Alice to be yelling at my brother for physical altercations instead of me.

Weird.

But nice.

As I pushed a fifth year aside, I took in the bloodied appearance of both Albus and Scorpius, the former being held back by Fred and the latter being held back by Rudy. My brother had a swollen lip and there was blood pouring from his forehead down the right side of his face. Scorpius' left eye was swollen shut and his shirt was completely torn. It was hard to tell who won the fight.

"He doesn't get to snog _my_ cousin at _my_ family'sparty and think he can get away with it!" Albus yelled at Alice.

"So you _punched_ him?" Alice snapped. "What the heck is that going to solve?"

"He deserved it!"

The kid had balls, that's for sure. Not many people got into a fight of words with Alice and won.

Hell, I wasn't even aware my brother knew what yelling was. He usually had other people do the yelling for him.

"For fuck's sake, Potter, _it was just a kiss_ ," Scorpius snarled, ignoring Alice altogether. "It didn't mean anything!"

" _Language, Malfoy_ ," Alice snapped.

"Oh, so now you're saying Rose doesn't mean anything to you?" Albus snapped.

Scorpius blinked. " _What_?"

"You heard me!"

Scorpius stared at my brother, bewildered. "Er...do you want her to mean something to me?"

"No, but that doesn't mean you can treat her like just another meaningless girl you shag and then kick to the curb!"

"Uh, for the record, we have _not_ shagged," he muttered.

"Good to know you have some actual restraint in you," Albus snarled.

" _Will you two shut up_?" Alice scowled. "Look at yourselves! You look like you got taken out back and an oversized bouncer pulverized the crap out of you. You look sad and pathetic and you're acting like children!""

"Oh, believe me, he isn't acting," Albus muttered irritably, glaring at his friend. Or ex-friend. It was hard to keep track. "He really is a child."

"Oh, fuck off, Potter," Scorpius scoffed. "I am so tired of your jealous bullshit."

Oooh, that was the wrong thing to say.

"WILL YOU TWO MIND YOUR LANGUAGE!" Alice shouted.

" _Jealous_?" Albus barked. He struggled to free himself from Fred's grasp but my cousin was too strong for him. "What in fuck's name do-"

"LANGUAGE!" Rudy spoke for the first time.

"-I have to be bloody jealous of? I'm the only one here who's managed to keep a girl around for longer than forty-eight hours!"

Scorpius looked at his friend curiously before a slow smirk broke out. I exchanged a look with Rose and I had a feeling we were both thinking the same thing. Whatever he was smirking about could mean nothing good.

"Only forty-eight hours, hm?" he said with a bit of a sneer. "Maybe you should ask Rose how long our snogfests have been going on."

Yep, we were right. Nothing good.

The entire crowdful of people turned towards the redhead by my side. Her eyes grew wide but she said nothing.

"How long?" Albus asked Rose, his voice surprisingly calm.

The corridor was eerily quiet as everyone awaited her reply. But she still said nothing.

" _How long, Rose?"_ he snapped, the calmness gone and replaced with an intense bitterness.

Rose's eyes pulled away from Albus and met those of Scorpius'. "Was this your plan all along?" she asked Scorpius in a rough whisper. "Invite the entire school to your wrestling match with my cousin so you could proudly announce in front of everyone that you've been casually snogging the uptight, hotheaded Ice Queen for two whole months?"

I winced in anticipation of Albus' response.

"TWO FUCKING MONTHS!?"

" _I will not ask you again to mind your language, Albus Potter_!" Alice hissed.

They both went ignored as Scorpius stared shamefaced at Rose, whose eyes hadn't strayed from his. "No, Rose, I didn't mean-"

"Y'know, I always thought you were a worthless piece of crap, but it's nice to know that you continue to prove to me just how much of one you are," she cut him off, her voice lace with a surprising amount of distress. "You can't say you're not consistent."

" _Rose_ -"

"I'm sorry, Al," Rose said, turning her attention back on her cousin who was still fuming. "It was stupid. Really stupid. Beyond stupid."

" _Rose-_ "

Rose cut Scorpius off again. "I was upset and he just happened to be there and it just escalated into something it never should have," she continued, regret sparkling in her rich brown eyes. "I never told you about it because I never believed it was anything worth telling. I kept trying to convince myself that it would be the last time, that it wouldn't happen again, that it was stupid and reckless and needed to end, but the last time kept turning into one more time and another time after that."

Scorpius tried again. "Rose, please-"

"Everyone's always calling me a brown-nosing suck-up and an uptight prude and an intimidating hothead and it was nice rebelling against those stereotypes for once. It was nice doing something fun and spontaneous. It was nice doing something for _me_. But clearly that was a mistake. Clearly there's a reason I'm not good at this whole rebelling stuff. Clearly it never should have happened and clearly it'll never happen again."

"Great," Scorpius groaned.

Rose took two seconds to glare at Scorpius before turning back towards Albus, whose anger had disappeared as he stared at Rose with an unforeseen curiosity. "It was easy fooling around with Malfoy. He was always there and I knew it wouldn't turn into anything and that's all I wanted. I know you're Mr. Boyfriend of the Year but that's not me. It was never me and it'll probably never be me. I don't know if you're aware of this, but I tend to piss people off. Most people prefer to stay away from me. And I'm fine with that. But I am a sixteen-year-old girl so I'd be lying if I didn't say snogging some random guy didn't have its perks. Enter Malfoy. But that's all it was. Random snogging with a random guy that never meant anything. Hate what I did, Al. I'd expect nothing less. But please don't hate _me_ because you're pretty much the only friend I've got."

"Rose, will you just let me-"

"Besides Harley," Rose added as an afterthought, shrugging. "But I've known you since you were born so you kinda win out. Don't tell her I said that."

"I'm standing right here!" Harley whined from the other side of the corridor.

Rose's upper lip twitched but she didn't look up, her gaze still focused on Albus.

"Can I please talk now?" Scorpius pleaded.

"Shut up, Malfoy," Albus snapped, glaring at him before meeting Rose's gaze. "That was one hell of a speech you just gave, Rose."

She shrugged. "I've had a lot of time to think about it. You've been avoiding me for two weeks."

Albus' lips pursed hesitantly. "It meant nothing?"

"Oh, sure when she says it meant nothing, you don't give a shit. When I say it, you blow up at me," Malfoy grumbled.

"Language," Rudy warned.

"It meant nothing," Rose responded with a vigorous shake of the head.

He stared at our cousin, his expression giving nothing away, before he slowly nodded. "Okay."

She blinked. "Okay?"

He nodded again. "Okay, I'll forget about it."

She smiled feebly. "Really?"

"Really."

Oh, this was just so touching and heartfelt, I could have used a tissue to wipe the sentimental tears from my eyes.

Or a pail to throw up in.

"Where the hell does that leave me?" Scorpius grunted.

Fred had let go of Albus as the latter turned towards the Slytherin with a rigid frown. "Seems to me that that leaves you without your best friend or your snogging partner."

He gaped at her. "You'll forgive her but you won't forgive me?"

Yeah, seemed a bit hypocritical to me.

Not that I cared. Not being friends with Scorpius seemed like a pretty easy decision to make.

Albus shrugged coolly. "I told you years ago that you could go ahead and snog the shit out of anybody you wanted to-"

" _Language_!" both Alice and Rudy spoke in unison.

You would have thought that the Head Girl and Head Boy would have realized that their attempts at stifling the obscenities were doing absolutely no good.

"-as long as you stayed away from my family," Albus continued. "And yet here we are."

"Oy, you don't get a say in who I snog or don't snog!" Rose argued huffily.

"Er, Rose? You really want to pick a fight with Al after just making up with him?" I groaned, poking her in the side.

She hesitated. "We'll talk about that later, Al."

He rolled his eyes. "Can't wait."

"I can make a grand speech, too," Scorpius argued, clearly on the verge of desperation.

"Don't bother," Albus drawled.

Scorpius ignored him. "About how Rose actually isn't so bad. About how she's the only person who outwardly challenges me and I kinda like it. About how she's witty and smart and even though I've been calling her an ugly duckling all these years, she's actually not so bad to look at."

Rose's face matched her name perfectly.

My brother growled. "You call that a grand sp-"

"But I didn't snog her because of any of that," he continued, interrupting Albus. "I snogged her for the sole reason that she snogged me first. She was trying to shut me up and hell, it worked. It probably should have just been left at that but it wasn't. Because the next time we came across each other, she was yelling at me – probably because she was not too pleased with the idea that she snogged me – and so I decided it was my turn to shut her up so I snogged her. And then after that, it was something of a challenge for both of us and you know how much we like a challenge. It was spontaneous and fun and there was something rather alluring about all of the sneaking around, the risk of getting caught half the fun. We all know I'm shite at relationships and she wasn't looking for anything serious from me obviously so it seemed like a good fit at the time. And the best part is it got us to stop fighting. You were the one that noticed that, Al. You said it was a nice change of pace to see us getting along."

"If I had known you were getting along because you were snogging her on the side, I never would have said that," Al drawled.

"My point is," Scorpius sighed, "Is that we are two consenting adults who were just having a bit of fun together and you can't fault us for that. The reason you told me all those years ago to stay away from your family was because you were just afraid I'd find a way to hurt them the way I've hurt pretty much every girl that ever walked into my life. But neither of us are hurt. Neither of us had the chance to get hurt because _it didn't mean anything_. It wasn't like that. And I wish I could stand here and tell you snogging her was a mistake and I wish I could say it was stupid like she's inclined to believe but I'm not sorry it happened. So all I can say is that I'm sorry we lied to you and I'm sorry we kept it from you."

Silence filled the hallway. I glanced over at Rose who was staring at Scorpius with surprise in her eyes. Albus still looked unconvinced, glancing back and forth between Rose and Scorpius curiously. Rose turned towards Albus and slowly lifted her shoulders into a curt shrug. Albus made a face as he turned back to Scorpius. "Rose's speech was better."

"Yeah, well, she did have two weeks to come up with hers. I just made mine up on the spot," he argued. He added, "Which actually should make mine more impressive but I'm going to pick my battles here."

Rose's upper lip twitched. "You're a prat, Malfoy."

He shrugged. "Tell me something we don't already know."

She smirked and Albus just rolled his eyes. "Okay, _fine_ ," he groaned. "I suppose all is forgiven."

Both Rose and Scorpius grinned triumphantly.

Me, I really needed that pail.

As it appeared that the fist fight portion of the afternoon had come to a close, the crowd began to break away in slight disappointment that it hadn't ended with someone being knocked out into unconsciousness.

"You two," Rudy spoke coolly, sending a warning glare to both Albus and Scorpius, "Detention for a week and twenty points from Slytherin for an overwhelming use of crude language and for fighting. And don't think your Head of Household won't be hearing about this."

"Or your parents," Alice interjected.

Albus groaned. "Oh, come on, Alice," he pleaded, "It was just one stupid fight. My brother gets into far more of these fights than I do."

Oh, no he didn't.

"Uh, hi, I'm standing right here," I drawled irritably.

"Yeah, I know, Al," Alice said to Albus with a shrug. "Never thought I'd have to worry about you using your fists. That job is usually reserved for that brother of yours, but-"

"Still standing right here," I sighed.

"-you know the rules. Violence means a letter home, no exceptions."

Albus made a face. "Any chance you could remind Mum and Dad that James is a more troublesome son than I am?"

"Are you two purposely ignoring me?"

"I don't think they would need me writing about it to be reminded of it," Alice said with a shrug. "We all know how much your brother likes to solve his problems with his fists."

Fred and Rose were shaking with laughter as I threw my arms in the air with an exasperated scoff. "How the hell did I get to be the bad guy here?"

Albus and Alice finally turned to me with matching smirks. The latter said, "Oh, Jay. Don't you know by now that you're always the bad guy?"

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"Ah, my Quidditch pitch kids all back together again!" I greeted the team Monday morning at six o'clock.

"Is that a play on Cabbage Patch Kids?" Sadie drawled.

I blinked. "What the hell is a Cabbage Patch Kid?"

She responded by rolling her eyes so I decided to do what I do best when it comes to her and ignore her.

"I'd ask you all how your breaks went, but I really don't care," I said with a shrug. "So let's just get down to-"

"Why don't you just spend this time telling us how your rather eventful break went instead," Jax smirked, his eyes gleaming with amusement.

I glared at him. "Ten laps after practice today."

"For making a comment?"

"For being a snarky asshole."

"I'm always a snarky asshole."

"Hence why you always have laps."

"There's a rumor going around school that you're dating Hattie Wilkes," Cass chimed in, her head cocked to the side curiously.

I groaned. "That rumor is far from truthful! I can't date her, remember? The Code?"

"It's always about the bloody Code with you," Fred murmured under his breath.

I shot him a glare. "For the record, I am _not_ dating Hattie nor have I ever dated Hattie nor will I ever date Hattie. Feel free to pass that little message on to the rest of the gossip-mongers stationed around this school," I spoke, my voice filled with irritation. "Now can we get on talking about our upcoming Hufflepuff match or should we use this time to discuss anyone else's love life?"

"Oh, you mean like your little sister dating your newly-appointed chaser?" Sadie smirked.

I was strongly considering going against my morals and socking her in the mouth.

"How can you deem someone newly-appointed when he's been on the team for four months?" Fred contemplated. "Hardly seems new anymore."

Yeah, so there, Sadie!

Wait, when did Fred starting using logic?

"Right, because that was the takeaway from my comment," Sadie drawled with the roll of her eyes.

"No, the takeaway is, mention my sister again and you're in for a world of pain, Bishop," I warned. "I will gladly replace you on the pitch."

"Liar," she smirked. "You need me and you know it."

Fucking hell, this girl was getting on my last nerve.

"Any chance you got a bagful of _nice_ for Christmas this year, Bishop?" I barked.

"Well, I'm Jewish, so no."

I glared at her. "For Hanukkah then."

"No, but I did get a nice bagful of ' _can we please stop chatting about our personal lives and get back to bloody practice now_?'"

I really, really wanted to punch her.

Since I couldn't, I did the next best thing and changed the subject. "We have four weeks until our match against Hufflepuff. They may have won their match against Slytherin but it was only because Slytherin had a novice seeker. I know we're better than a team full of girls, so let's prove to them how much."

"How sexist of you," Alice drawled.

"It's not a team full of girls," Fred reminded me with a shrug. "They've got that fourth year Lionel on their team."

"You're both so missing the point here," I sighed.

"Sexist and wrong?" Alice considered, ticking off her fingers. "No, that pretty much sums up the point."

I shot her a look. "Are you trying to get on my bad side?"

She chuckled. "Aw, haven't you heard? With me in your life, nothing truly bad can happen to you."

I pretended not to notice how rapidly my heart was racing at the reminder of the affectionate words I spoke to her on New Year's Eve, approximately one minute before I thought kissing her seemed like a good idea.

"I'm never saying anything ever to you again if you're just going to throw it back in my face," I sighed.

She laughed before shrugging. "Alright, Hufflepuff match coming up in four weeks. We're strong, they're weak. We're amazing, they suck. We know how to score goals, they only know how to score-"

"Fred?" Jax suggested, which had us all bursting into laughter.

All except for Fred who was currently scowling at his fellow beater. "You are so getting a bludger to the head later."

That only made us laugh more.

It was really good to be back at school with my friends.

And Quidditch.

Mostly Quidditch.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"I feel as if using our first full day back at school for an early morning practice should be illegal," Jax murmured as he along with Alice, Fred, and myself trekked across the grounds towards the Great Hall for a much-needed breakfast.

"Yes, you only said that about twenty times during practice," I huffed. "Perhaps your time would have been better spent with target practice. Fred out-aimed you two-to-one."

"Yeah, you know why? _Because I'm tired_ ," he whined.

"Or because I'm that good," Fred suggested.

Jax glared at him. "No, let's go with the whole tired thing."

"Hey, Bloch, ask me if I care," I drawled.

Jax hesitated. "Well, that's just setting me up for a rude retort."

"You know me so well then," I smirked, stifling my own yawn. Hey, I didn't say I wasn't tired. I just wasn't complaining about it.

Alice pushed the wrought-iron doors open and we all welcomed the warmth of the castle.

Or at least we did until we stumbled across Hattie turning the corner.

She stared at me.

I stared at her.

"Hello, Potter," she spoke coolly.

"Hello, Wilkes," I spoke just as coolly.

A minute of tense silence went by before she spoke again.

"Good-bye, Potter."

"Good-bye, Wilkes."

And with that, she hurried off into the Great Hall and I was left standing there while my three friends all burst into laughter.

I turned on all of them, my hands on my hips. "And _what_ , pray tell, is so funny?"

"That was the most awkward exchange I think I've ever witnessed," Fred guffawed.

"Don't make me hex you, Freddo," I scowled.

"Oh, no, he's totally right," Jax added in between his own laughs. "Most Hilariously Awkward Encounter of the Century officially goes to you two."

"Don't think I won't hex you, too, Bloch!"

Alice was trying to cover up her giggles but to no success. "Since when did you two start using each other's last names?"

"Since I decided to make it my New Year resolution," I spoke sarcastically before storming past them and into the Great Hall.

When the three of them joined me at the table, Jax started off the conversation with, "Oh, c'mon, you're seriously not going to tell us what the hell happened between you two?"

"I'm seriously going to sit here and eat my breakfast in silence and if you mention her again, I'm stuffing eight pounds of bacon down your pants."

Jax considered this before shrugging. "I feel like there are worse foods to stuff down my pants than bacon."

" _Oatmeal then_ ," I scowled.

He shuddered. "Yeah, okay, consider the subject dropped."

I let out a sigh of relief.

But based on the curious way Alice was looking at me, I had a feeling this conversation wasn't over.

I wasn't wrong.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"So," Alice spoke later that day when it was just the two of us hanging out in her bedroom, "When did Hattie stop by for a second time and why didn't you mention it to me?"

Just when I thought I had dodged that bullet.

I lifted my head out of my Potions essay and stared at her. "I'm doing actual work and you want to interrupt me to have a conversation? You sure that's wise? I may never get back to this essay."

She stared at me, her lips thinning curiously. "Why are you avoiding the question?"

Right, because I was about to tell Alice that Hattie spent the entire time talking about her and how I probably have feelings for her. Which I don't.

"She stopped by, we chatted, she left," I said with a shrug. "There's not much to talk about there."

There was a knowing look on her face that told me she thought there was plenty to talk about. "So in Transfiguration this morning when she walked in and you suddenly became very busy searching through your bag to avoid looking at her and she sat down at the table farthest away from you even though her two friends were right behind us, that meant nothing?"

Fuck.

"Coincidence?" I suggested.

Alice shot me a look. "What aren't you telling me?"

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Alright, I could do this. I could give her a small version of the truth, leaving out the big chunks of information that was on a need-to-know basis, as in only I needed to know and she never needed to find out.

"She wasn't too happy that I ditched her on New Year's Eve," I said with a shrug. "And our conversation about it wasn't exactly a pleasant one."

Alice blinked in surprise, leaning back against her headboard with a frown. "I didn't realize she was planning on joining us at the club for New Year's Eve."

I nodded. "We were trying out the whole friendship thing. Needless to say, it didn't work too well."

"Because of me."

My head jerked up sharply, staring at her in surprise. "What?" I spoke, trying to hide the panic in my voice.

"Did you or did you not ditch her on New Year's Eve for me?"

Oh, right.

"It doesn't matter why I bailed on her. I just did. And she got back at me by snogging Fred. So I suppose we're even."

She folded her arms across her body. "If you were even then why are you avoiding each other?"

It was times like these I really hated how smart she was.

"Because that's what I do with every girl I discard?" I suggested.

Her eyes narrowed into unamused slits of skepticism. "And yet you wanted to be her friend."

Okay, this whole logic thing was getting very annoying.

"Yeah, and look how that turned out," I snorted.

"This conversation is going around in circles."

"Oh, so you noticed that, did you?" I replied with an over-exaggerated eye roll.

She sighed, tugging at the end of her ponytail timidly. "I didn't mean to mess things up between you two."

"Oh, come off it, Ace, none of this was your fault," I groaned. It wasn't a lie. I didn't blame Alice for the fall-out between me and Hattie. I didn't even think Hattie blamed her. She just knew that Alice would always come first to me and she wasn't looking to be second best. For someone who had been playing second best to his brother for years, I understood why someone would take themselves out of that situation if possible. Me, I was stuck with Albus. But Hattie didn't have to be stuck with me.

When I glanced up at her, I saw an unexpected rigidity in her eyes that had me feeling strangely uncomfortable. "You didn't have to hang out with me on New Year's Eve, Jay. I didn't force you to. You were the one who had to persuade me, remember?"

My brow furrowed. "Uh, I _just_ said this wasn't your fault, didn't I?"

She looked angry and I couldn't figure out why but I found it slightly irritating. "You should have hung out with Hattie," Alice grumbled. "You invited her out and then blew her off for no good reason. No wonder she's pissed at you."

I sat up to face her, my irritation coming through in my expression. " _For no good reason_?" I scoffed. "You're my best friend, Ace, and I was not about to just leave you alone in that goddamned cemetery so you could spend all night feeling sorry for yourself when you had nothing to feel sorry for!"

"I _told_ you to leave me alone!"

"And I told you there was no way in hell I was leaving you alone!"

She glared at me. "I was fine, James," she spoke coolly. "I don't need you babying me all the bloody time."

"For Merlin's sake, Ace, I wasn't babying you," I snapped at her. "I already gave you all the reasons for why I had wanted to spend New Year's Eve with you and you seemed fine with it then, so I really don't know why you're suddenly all pissed off at me for ditching some girl that doesn't mean anything to me _over my best friend who needed me."_

She scrambled off her bed in a hurry, her eyes blazing with a kind of anger I had not been witness to in the past. "'Some girl that doesn't mean anything?'" she repeated irritably. " _You asked her out on a goddamned date_. So whether you're willing to admit it or not, she did mean something to you! And then just like you always do, you found an excuse to run from it."

"The Code isn't a bloody excuse!"

She ignored me. "And then instead of actually spending time with the girl you supposedly have feelings for, a girl you invited out with you on New Year's Eve, you completely bailed on her."

"It doesn't matter whether I have feelings for her or not, I can't do anything about it! And the only person that apparently cares that I bailed on her _is you_."

She continued to ignore me. It was infuriating. "She deserves better and frankly, James, _so do you_."

I gaped at her from where I still sat on the bed. I always considered Alice to be fairly logical but she was talking in nonsensical circles and it was seriously making my head spin. "It's not like I made up some silly excuse to ditch her, Ace," I spoke coolly. "My best friend was sitting in a bloody cemetery in the freezing cold upset and hurt and all I did was be there for her the way I've always been there for her. And I really do not appreciate you scolding me for making a decision between you and some girl— _yes, some girl_ —when the decision was a no-brainer. Easiest decision I ever made. I'd choose you over anyone _every goddamned time_ without a second thought for the sole reason that _you are my best friend_ so stop turning this into something it's not _."_

She was shaking her head at me, a surprising amount of guilt flickering in her blue eyes. "But why am I your best friend?" she dared to ask. "Because six years ago, you decided you were going to shut out the world, only I didn't let you do the same with me?"

I gaped at her. "Is that all our friendship is to you?" I choked out. "An…obligation to each other?"

She didn't flinch or shake her head or argue with me.

And the worst part was, I actually expected her to.

Instead, she turned away, her eyes turning towards the window as a slight breeze brushed against the panes. She said nothing at first, the seconds ticking by in an agonizing way before she let out a quiet sigh. "I can't be your fallback, James," she pleaded, almost guiltily. "I can't be the person who holds you back from what you deserve. I can't be the person you turn to because it's easy and simple. I can't be the person you hide away with so you can avoid the rest of the world. I can't be the person you use to hide from yourself. It's not fair to you and it's not fair to me. We both deserve better than that."

An unsettling silence saturated the room, dangling over us tauntingly. Alice's expression held resentment but her eyes were overflowing with despair.

Mine just held frustration.

Her words shocked and confused me but most of all, they hurt. For it almost sounded as if she was accusing me of exploiting her and our friendship instead of actually caring about her, as if I only ever chose to be around her because it was easy and not because she meant anything to me. As if she didn't believe in our friendship, only believed in some outlandish compulsion to stay together. And it made me feel numb. Sick even.

"So let me get this straight," I eventually croaked out, the disbelief dangling from my every word. "Not only are we friends, if that's even what you can call it, out of obligation but apparently the basis of our friendship is me using you for my own fucked-up agenda and you letting me? _Is that it_?"

She said nothing.

Which in the end said it all.

"And here I thought we actually cared about each other," I drawled with a slow shake of my head. "Guess I won't be making that mistake again."

Leaving my books on her bed, I got up and walked out.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

 **A/N** : Next up: What happens with James and Alice? And what unlikely source gives James some unexpected advice?


	16. Better Off Without Me

**A/N:** Wow. Just wow! Your reviews have been so poignant and I wanted to let you know just how much they are appreciated. While I do have most of this story written, your comments/questions/constructive criticism really do give me ideas/suggestions on how I can adjust certain aspects of this story so just know that I don't just read every thing that you are saying but I take it under some serious consideration.

This chapter is an interesting one because I think it shows that James is slowly starting to mature while at the same time, being his usual immature self.

* * *

 **A WAY WITH WORDS**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 16: Better Off Without Me

" _One mistake and you lose your faith in me  
One bad slip and you end the whole damn trip  
I'm sensing your frustration  
If it's any consolation  
It ain't easy to say, but hey  
Maybe you're better off without me_." _  
_-The Gathering Field

* * *

I hadn't expected no one to notice the silent treatment Alice and I were giving each other, but it was both impressive and annoying how fast the gossip mill picked up on it. At dinner that very night, only a few hours after Alice and I got into our argument (if you could even call it that because I still wasn't entirely sure what we were arguing about), frenzied whispers began circulating around the Great Hall when Alice decided to not join me and Fred for dinner but instead dropped on to the _Hufflepuff_ bench opposite Rudy freaking Frankel.

Way to keep a low profile, Ace.

I watched her greet the Head Boy before busying myself in my own dinner, ignoring the skeptical gaze that Fred was currently giving me from across the table. "Dude, what did you do to her?"

I lifted my gaze off my food for a moment to glare at him. "Nothing."

He snorted. "No, seriously, what did you do?"

I dropped my fork to my plate and folded my arms bitterly across my body. "I realize that I can be a bit of a hothead and my mouth can get me into quite some trouble at times, but I swear this one isn't on me."

Fred leaned back on the bench with a hesitant frown. "What happened?"

"That is a damned good question."

Fred rolled his eyes. "Okay, now try again but this time with a less cryptic answer."

I thought back to the rather unbefitting conversation I had earlier shared with Alice, my mind still running around with so many jumbled thoughts. It was as if Alice was looking for a fight, looking for a reason to push me away, looking for an excuse to consider our friendship outdated. I just didn't know why.

Glancing at Fred, who was still staring at me in anticipation, I just sighed. "I don't have a less cryptic answer," I muttered before picking my fork back up and shoveling some potatoes in my mouth.

Fred, as if on cue, rolled his eyes once again. "You are aware that you don't know how to be mad at her, right?"

"Oh, she's given me plenty of reason to be mad."

"I thought you didn't know what happened."

"I don't, which is why I'm pissed!"

Fred blinked. "Have you been smoking the reefer lately?"

I shot him a look. "Who the hell talks like that?" I grunted.

"I'll take that as a yes."

"No, I'm not high!" I groaned, shaking my head in utter frustration. "Look, I realize that Alice and I don't argue very much. Rarely actually. Hardly ever. Never is a better way of putting-"

"Yeah, I think I got it," Fred cut me off hastily.

I sighed. "But when we do, as rare as that may be, I typically tuck my tail between my legs and go crawling back to her with an apology because let's face it, I'm usually the one in the wrong. But not now. Not this. She blew up at me for reasons that are still quite unclear and I'm not going to apologize for _caring about her_."

"Now we're getting somewhere," Fred mused.

I gaped at him. "How are we getting somewhere?"

"Because apparently she made you believe that caring about her was wrong."

The mere reminder made my blood boil. "Could you do me a favor and not try to be all psychotherapist right now? I'm in no mood to get my brain examined."

"There wouldn't be much to examine."

I chucked a dinner roll at him.

He grinned sheepishly. "Are you really not going to tell me what happened?"

"I already told you. I don't know what-"

"Don't give me that," Fred sighed. "Maybe you don't know where it all went wrong but I have to imagine you know how it started."

My jaw tightened as I let out a low growl. I stole a glance at the Hufflepuff table where Alice was currently moving her peas around her plate, clearly ignoring the chatter around her. I stared at her for a few seconds but swiftly turned away as she lifted her head, not wanting her to catch me watching her. Glancing back over at Fred, I sighed. "You know how I said I rarely argue with Alice?" I murmured.

Fred nodded. "Yeah, I think I remember you mentioning a thing or two about it," he drawled.

I ignored his sarcasm. "Well, in the past two weeks, I've gotten into a total of two arguments with her," I murmured curiously. "And both of them were over Hattie."

I expected some type of reaction from Fred but he just looked at me, his eyes giving away nothing.

"This is where you're supposed to say something, mate," I sighed.

He frowned hesitantly. "And why exactly do you think your arguments have centered around Hattie?"

"How the hell should I know?" I grumbled. "She's the one doing the arguing."

Again, I expected a retort and again, I didn't get one.

"Have you suddenly lost the ability to speak?" I sighed.

He turned away from me, suddenly finding an interest in his vegetables. And when he starts eating vegetables, you know something is wrong. "I can't figure this out for you, James," he sighed.

That comment thoroughly confused me. "Figure what out?"

He shrugged. "This thing between you and AliCat."

I gaped at him. "Weren't you the one who was just asking me to tell you what happened?"

"Yeah, I take that back."

My eyes narrowed. "You take it back because I implied our argument today was over Hattie?"

"Yep."

My eyes narrowed even more. "What aren't you saying?"

He busied himself with his green beans.

" _Fred_."

He shrugged. "Talk to AliCat, mate."

"I don't want to talk to her. This fight is her fault," I spoke in all my stubborn glory.

He took another bite of green beans.

I scowled. "Why do I get the feeling you know something?"

He shoveled more vegetables into his mouth before glancing up at me hesitantly. "No, I really don't," he sighed. "I don't have a clue what's going on with you and Hattie. I don't have a clue what's going on with you and AliCat. The only thing that I do know is that it's all related."

"And how do you know that?" I drawled, though I couldn't help but imagine there was some truth to what he was saying. "Are you suddenly developing keen divination skills?"

He just shrugged.

I was strongly considering punching him in the nose or at least tossing my pumpkin juice at him when a new presence slid into the bench opposite us.

"Oy, what did you do to AliCat, James?" Jax asked.

I thought it was impressive that I apparently had enough restraint to refrain from socking him in the nose.

Apparently, I didn't have enough restraint to refrain from tossing pumpkin juice in his face.

As the liquid dripped down his cheeks, I pulled myself off the bench and headed towards the exit, ignoring Jax as he turned to Fred and say, "Is it me or are the greetings really going downhill around here?"

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Fred was right about one thing. I didn't know how to be mad at Alice. Every minute that passed, I felt myself growing more and more desperate to end the silent treatment between us for the sole reason that my life felt utterly empty without her in it. Sure, I had Fred, and Jax was there a good amount of the time, but it wasn't the same without Alice. She was the one I always turned to when I heard a good joke that needed to be passed on. She was the one, the only one, who motivated me to do actual schoolwork. She was the one I loved to laugh with. She was the one I tossed Quidditch plays back and forth with. She was the one who was always there. And without her, my life felt unbalanced.

But I couldn't bring myself to grovel for her forgiveness when for the first time in my life, I didn't feel as if I was the one who was in the wrong. All I did was choose my best friend over a girl who had turned out to be nothing more than a fleeting crush. It was an easy choice to make. Alice was the one who meant the world to me, not Hattie. Never Hattie. I had liked Hattie, don't get me wrong, but I loved Alice.

In a completely platonic way of course.

I think.

Dammit, not being around Alice was seriously messing with my head.

Somehow, some way, five days went by without us saying a word to each other, unless you counted the occasional one-worded dialogues we held at Quidditch practice. Even though we appeared to be fighting (or not fighting, as it were), we still managed to work together on the field. She didn't appear to be holding our argument against us on the pitch and I wasn't holding it against her which was a relief because we couldn't afford bad practices with the Hufflepuff match right around the corner. It was strange to think that we could be so cooperative on the field and yet so uncooperative off of it but at least I only had to worry about her as my friend and not her as a Quidditch player.

The common room seemed empty without her, though I had played a lot of Exploding Snaps in the week she made herself scarce. Fred set the curtains on fire and when Rose yelled at him for being a flaky imbecile, I almost missed Alice's voice chiding him for being careless alongside her.

I had stopped going to the Great Hall for meals, sneaking into the kitchens instead. I figured if I couldn't see her, I wouldn't feel the immediate need to apologize. This made classes awkward because I actually took notes, figuring that was the only viable distraction from staring at her throughout class. I pretended not to notice how much of her time seemed to be occupied by Rudy freaking Frankel, telling myself that they were only ever discussing Head duties. I refused to believe I could be easily replaced by a wanker Hufflepuff.

But it didn't stop me from keeping tabs on them.

The two of them sat together in classes and shared in polite conversations but I noticed around day two that it was rare to see a smile on Alice's face. And I knew that I was causing that. I knew that by steering clear of her, I was putting a strain on our friendship.

But then again, so was she.

There were several times I considered going to her, to try and have a civil conversation, to try and understand where things when awry, but I stopped myself every single time. I had always been the one to go crawling back to her in the past. I decided it was time for her to do the groveling.

Fred and Jax, and even Rose, had told me several times to just bite the bullet and apologize to Alice but I flat-out refused every time. I had meant it when I said this argument wasn't on me. Just because I missed having her around didn't mean I was going to apologize when I had nothing to apologize for.

I spent a lot of my free time analyzing our conversation, wondering where it ended up where it had. I didn't understand why Alice got so angry that I had ditched Hattie (along with _several_ _other people_ at the club) to hang out with her. It had been my decision, a decision I still fully stood by, and I didn't blame Alice for ruining my holiday one bit since she hadn't ruined it at all. I had a great time humming along to Christmas music and rifling through old photo albums and reminiscing on our childhood. I wasn't one of those people who felt compelled to surround himself with a crowd. Being with Alice was more than enough.

And yet she apparently thought I was just using her to hide from my problems.

That one had really stung because it implied she believed our friendship was disingenuous.

It's funny how everyone thought I was the expert at pushing people away when Alice was apparently just as good at it as I was.

"James."

I was coming back from a solo flight around the Quidditch pitch when Neville stopped me.

"Do you have a minute?" he asked.

I had a good feeling about what he wanted to talk about so I said, "I have a list of homework assignments that has my name on it."

He gave me a look. "You could at least come up with a viable excuse."

I grinned sheepishly. "To be fair, I do have a list of homework assignments with my name on it, but that doesn't mean I plan to do them."

"Ah, that sounds more like you," he drawled. "Then again, you have been paying attention more in class lately. I think you took more notes in my class yesterday than you have in the other six and a half years combined."

"Ah, well, maybe I figured it was about time I got my act together," I suggested with a shrug.

"Or maybe you're using schoolwork as a way of avoiding whatever is going on between you and my daughter."

I should have seen that segue coming.

"Hm, nope, I'm still going to stand by that whole I-got-my-act-together thing," I drawled.

He sighed. "What happened between you and Alice?"

The question of the week.

"I know as much as you do, Neville," I murmured.

"Now why don't I believe that?" he sighed.

I shrugged. "I don't know why you're even asking me about this. I would have thought you'd just be happy she moved on from me. We both know you've considered me a bad influence on her from time to time."

He hesitated. "To be fair, it's more my other daughter that's convinced you're a bad influence on her."

"Right, and I'm sure you've never had that thought about me at all," I drawled sarcastically.

He didn't deny it.

"Alice won't tell me what happened," he spoke softly. "I'm just trying to get your take on it."

I shook my head at him. "I don't even really know what happened either," I spoke, perhaps a bit too desperately.

Neville tilted his head to the side curiously. "Ah," he spoke as if he understood, "Well, my daughter was always rather skilled at keeping her emotions close to her heart."

"Maybe too skilled," I muttered for once upon a time, I would have thought I'd know everything she felt. And yet this time, I knew nothing.

"You've always had a way of pulling those emotions out before," Neville said softly. "I don't doubt you'll find a way to do it again."

That would require actually having a conversation with her.

Which I currently was avoiding.

"Well," I muttered, glancing up towards the castle, "I really do have a bunch of homework assignments I should be getting to."

Neville gave me a look.

"Or I plan to spend the evening with the latest _Quidditch Weekly_ ," I said sheepishly.

Neville chuckled. "Or you could spend the evening making up with my daughter."

"I could," I spoke. "But there's an article on the Macaws' rookie seeker that I've been dying to read all day."

He groaned. "James-"

"Always nice chatting with you, Neville," I said before turning n my heels and rushing off towards the castle.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"Working hard or hardly working?"

I was holed out in the back of the library with my _Quidditch Weekly_ in an attempt to hide myself away from the gossipers, _on a Friday night no less_ , but apparently one slipped through. "Not much of either," I murmured to Kenley Brown, who for some reason decided it would be a good idea to sit down opposite me.

"So, seems to me you're on the outs with Hattie and now Alice. Any girl in this school who doesn't hate you?"

I scowled. "Well, you're sitting here talking to me so I apparently can't be doing too good a job at repelling all females."

She looked at me with a growing smirk before leaning in close to me with a twinkle in her eye. "You want to not repel me further in the storage closet down the hallway?"

All I could do was stare at her. "Aren't you dating Pruitt?"

She sat back with a mere shrug. "What he doesn't know won't hurt him."

I rolled my eyes. "You're a real class act, Kenley."

She chuckled. "I'll take that as a no."

I sighed. "Any chance you could bugger off and bother someone-"

"Look, I know you don't want to talk to me," she said with a shrug.

Apparently, she was smarter than she looked.

"But let me give you some friendly advice."

"We're not friends," I reminded her.

"Fine, then let me give you some unfriendly advice."

"I'd rather just get back to Quidditch tactics, if you don't mind."

She naturally ignored me. "Do you know why I never became friends with Alice?"

I decided answering 'because you're a stuck-up princess' couldn't end well for me so I merely sighed and suggested, "Because she doesn't like you?"

Kenley shook her head. "We liked each other just fine when we first met."

She was right. Alice and her roommates hadn't really started getting on the wrong foot until a few months into our first year. I never took much of an interest in it because I had been dealing with my own shit, but I recalled the four of them all hanging out periodically until one day, it just stopped.

"Is this going to be one of those long-winded anecdotes that has no real purpose except to annoy me?"

"My, it's possible your sarcasm has gotten even dryer without Alice around to keep you upbeat."

I rolled my eyes. "Kenley-"

"It was because of you."

I stared at her. "What was because of me?"

She leaned back in her chair with a wry expression. "Why I never became friends with Alice."

I frowned. "So it's me you didn't like then."

She shook her head. "The whole school worshipped you, Potter," she drawled. "What reason would I have not to like you?"

"The whole school worshipped me because of my father," I shot back. "When they soon realized I wasn't him, plenty of people found reason to hate me."

"Wrong again," she said, shaking her head. "No one hated you. They just didn't understand you because they couldn't bear the idea that Harry Potter was anything but great, which was the very impression you gave off."

I never liked talking about my father, or everything that had happened because of him in my first year, so the last thing I wanted to do was have a conversation about it all with a girl I didn't even like.

"Is it time for you to walk away yet?" I snapped.

She ignored me. "Alice chose you over us," she said with a curt shrug. "Every single time, she chose you."

My initial reaction was to roll my eyes but I stopped when I suddenly recalled the words Alice spoke to me during our unexpected argument.

 _"But why am I your best friend? Because six years ago, you decided you were going to shut out the world, only I didn't let you do the same to me_?"

It was chilling how much Kenley's words echoed Alice's.

I pretended not to notice. "Of course she chose me over you, Brown," I sighed. "We had known each other for eleven years. You she had known for eleven _seconds_."

She surprised me by saying, "I know."

I hesitated. "So it sounds to me that you may have just been jealous that your roommate was BFFs with the Potter kid," I boasted.

She chuckled and surprised me again by nodding and saying, "It probably sounds like that because you're right."

All I could do was stare at her, waiting for the punchline.

"And I'm clearly not the only one who thought that or Alice might have a few more friends up her sleeve," she said with a single shrug. "We were all jealous of her friendship with you initially. We all wanted to be her, be the person you called your best friend. It was superficial, sure, but we were eleven years old and not all that mature. And when it became clear that you hardly viewed your father as the hero we all believed him to be, instead of jealousy we all just thought it was best to keep our distance from you and by association, those who you hung around. She became a casualty of _your_ faults, James, not her own."

I had initially considered stabbing her in the eye with my quill but I knew I couldn't fault her for telling me the obvious truth, no matter how disheartening that truth might be.

And since I wasn't ready to admit that aloud, or even in my heart, I thought it was best to find a way out of this conversation. "Why are you here, Kenley?" I drawled.

She leaned back in her chair curiously. "Everyone in this school right now is rooting for you to fail," she said with a shrug. "They like the idea of the wildly popular James Potter falling fast and falling hard and-"

"And…what? Getting the silent treatment from Ace is falling fast and hard?" I snorted. "People really need to find themselves a hobby."

She shook her head. "It's not the getting the silent treatment part they think will be your downfall," she said. "It's the losing her entirely."

My heart skipped a beat. "I'm not losing her entirely."

She offered me a single curt shrug, an. "But here's the thing, James," she spoke, an unassuming lopsided smile now resting on her face, "Did you ever think that maybe that's what she needs? That maybe it wasn't just the rest of the school that had needed to put distance between you and them back in our first year? Did you ever consider that that maybe the one thing that would be best for her is the one thing you don't want to give her?"

I felt an ache in my heart that was too painful to even acknowledge. For she was voicing all the same things that Alice had hinted at during our argument. All the things I was painfully trying to ignore.

"I hardly think you're the expert on what's best for her," I muttered, perhaps a bit too defensively.

She pulled herself off the chair with another shrug. "The thing is, James," she spoke slowly, "Is that I'm not so sure you know either."

She disappeared then, which was fine with me, except that it left me alone with nothing but my thoughts recapping all that Kenley had just said.

I rubbed my temples anxiously as I wondered why I was bothering to listen to Kenley. I've had only a handful of conversations with her over the years and most of them had me wanting to poke my eyes out with a very sharp knife. She was shallow and spoiled and showed very little sign of intelligence. She got off on putting others down and had a reputation of scaring guys off because she was aggressive and needy. She wasn't a malicious person, but she wasn't a saint either. And the real truth in all of this was that she knew very little about me and my life.

 _So why couldn't I get her words out of my head_?

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"Good practice today," I spoke the next morning, wiping the sweat from my brow as I dismounted my broom. "If we keep this up, there's no doubt in my mind we're going to crush Hufflepuff."

"We'd probably all feel a bit more confident if you and your fellow chaser would make up already," Jax spoke curtly.

Both Alice and I glared at him. "Have you seen us struggling in practice at all?" I argued. "No, so how about you worry about that weak grip on that club of yours and leave the chasing to us."

"Oy, I do not have a weak grip!"

"It could use some work. You nearly dropped the club on that last play," I retaliated. "Now, everyone, hit the showers."

The team trudged off towards the clubhouse as I recollected the equipment and stuffed it into the open trunk. As always, the silence had my thoughts turning back to Kenley's words from the day before. There was a sinking feeling in my heart that was enough for me to know that Kenley hadn't been wrong in anything she said. Which was maddening really because when had I ever decided listening to Kenley was worth my time?

"He's right, you know."

I stiffened, glancing over my shoulder as Fred came up behind me. "I'm assuming you're referring to Jax."

He nodded.

I turned back towards the trunk at hand, closing it. "I thought you were staying out of it."

"That was when I assumed you would have fixed it by now."

I merely shrugged.

"You do want to fix it, don't you?"

That was a very loaded question.

"Why am I the one who has to fix it?" I growled. "Why isn't Ace coming up to me and apologizing for telling me our friendship was superficial at best?"

Fred blinked in surprise. "Well, that's a bit of an exaggeration, isn't it?"

"Oh, I didn't realize you were in the room when we fought," I growled. "You'd think I would have remembered my creepy cousin gawking at us in the corner."

Fred rolled his eyes. "It's possible your sarcasm gets even heavier when you're bitter."

"I'm not bitter," I spoke stubbornly.

His eyebrow shot up.

"Yeah, okay, I am," I muttered. "But not for the reasons you might think."

That appeared to intrigue him. "Oh? And what reasons might that be?"

What reasons indeed.

I had initially been annoyed because she was the one who decided to pick a fight with me, a fight I was still confused about. But now it was clear it wasn't about the fight anymore. It was about her and what she deserved. And maybe making up with her wasn't the right thing to do. And I hated that. I hated even thinking that because putting distance between us now seemed like some backwards way of admitting that I should have put distance between us back when we were first years, back when she could have had an entirely different experience at Hogwarts. Perhaps even a better one.

I latched the trunk and stood up to face him. "I think I'm going crazy, Fred."

His eyebrow shot up. "Crazy how?"

"Well, I'm thinking about listening to Kenley Brown."

His mouth parted. "Have you considered checking yourself into the loony bin?"

I sighed, taking a seat on the edge of the trunk with a mere groan.

"What the hell did she say to you?"

"Well, for one, she propositioned me," I shuddered.

Fred made a face. "I hardly think that's why you're going crazy," he said. "Though a hearty _ew_ has to be said here."

"I know," I chuckled.

He rolled his eyes. "Well? What else did she say?"

I waved my hand dismissively. "It doesn't matter."

" _You're considering listening to Kenley Brown_ ," he reminded me. "Of course it matters."

I just sighed, continuing to muse over Kenley's words in my usual confused manner. I had been wondering why Alice was so convinced she thought our friendship had hit a dead end and then Kenley popped up to give me all the answers I didn't want.

" _Well_?" Fred urged.

I glanced over at Fred with a frown. "Everyone keeps saying that Alice and I need to make up," I spoke softly. "But what if it's better if we don't."

His mouth parted. "What the hell did Kenley say to you?"

"It was nothing," I lied, shaking my head. "This isn't about her."

"Seems to be partly about her," Fred growled, "Or you wouldn't have brought her up."

"Kenley just happened to say the same thing that Alice had said," I muttered. "I just ignored it until now."

Bewilderment settled into Fred's gaze. "What did they say?"

That maybe Alice and I were better off not making up with each other.

That made what little heart I had left ache with everything inside it.

I just sighed and said nothing.

Fred let out a frustrated grunt. "Y'know what, I don't really care what either of them said," he spoke bluntly. "It doesn't matter to me. What matters to me, what _should_ matter to you, is that this whole ridiculous avoiding-each-other charade has to come to an end at some point and you dragging it out is only going to make things worse."

Once again, I didn't say anything. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what to think. I wanted the whole avoiding-each-other charade to end, for the two of us to get back to the way things used to be, but maybe we couldn't go back. Maybe what we were doing wasn't a charade at all. Maybe it was the way things needed to be.

"Really? You're not going to respond to that?" Fred hissed.

I looked at him. "I don't know how to respond to that," I admitted.

His eyes narrowed. "You two are like this old married couple who everyone envies because even after a lifetime of marriage, you still have this perfect little relationship that we all ultimately covet. You two can't break up because it'll throw our entire universe out of whack."

I snorted. "Well, that's a tad dramatic, don't you think?"

" _Is it_?" he groaned. "If you two stop talking completely, you're going to go down some very bad path because let's face it, she's always been your moral compass, and you're going to make a lot of stupid mistakes and cause some big scandal to strike the Potter family and you're going to give your family's good name a bad one and then your parents will resent you, and your brother will find some ditch to hold himself in because conflict was never something he dealt well with, and your sister will most likely end up losing any confidence she had in herself which means she'll probably be out on street corners whoring herself out for money and that will just makes things even worse for the family and it'll put a strain on everything and everyone and fights are going to break out, not to mention divorces and estrangement, and are you seriously going to jeopardize our entire family's future over one teensy argument with AliCat?"

I stared at him, blinking twice before saying, "Has anyone ever told you that you have a real flair for the dramatics?"

He shrugged. "I'm not completely wrong."

"Uh, no, I'm fairly certain you are completely wrong," I drawled. "Seriously, you should consider taking up acting after school. You're a natural."

" _James_."

" _Fred_."

I could see he was losing whatever patience he still had left. "Answer me this one thing, James," he growled. "Could you ever see your life without Alice in it?"

That was the easiest question I'd ever be able to answer.

But the heartbreaking truth was, it didn't matter that I couldn't picture my life without her. Maybe it was time she got the chance to picture her life without me. My life could be described by one word: baggage. Drama seemed to follow me around no matter where I went. I had a slew of problems I've been avoiding for years. I got into frequent fist fights, I lived a good portion of my life in detention, I had several enemies, and I had very few redeeming qualities I could name. To say that Alice was a far better person than me was an epic understatement and maybe she deserved someone who didn't drag her down with his own personal demons.

She said she couldn't be my fallback, that I couldn't use her to hide from the world or myself anymore. But maybe I was the one holding her back.

"Answer _me_ this one thing, Fred," I countered, "Have any of your attempts to get her to talk to me worked?"

He frowned. "Who says I've spoken to her about it?"

"You've been hounding me all week so I know you've been hounding her, too."

He didn't respond.

"And nothing's worked," I answered my own question with a hesitant shrug. "She doesn't want to talk to me and there's a reason for that. Maybe our perfect little so-called old married life isn't so perfect after all. So maybe it's time you let it go just like I plan to."

He stared at me. "What do you mean, 'just like you plan to?'"

I frowned hesitantly. I hadn't intended to say that but as I did, I wondered if perhaps the best thing to do, maybe even the only thing, was to let this fight be the cornerstone to the barriers we probably needed to build between each other. "I thought that would be obvious."

He gaped at me. "So that's it?" he said, a bit too angrily. "You're just going to give up on your friendship because of one stupid fight?"

I said nothing.

"For fuck's sake, James, when have you ever given up on anything?" he seethed.

"There's always a first for everything," I muttered, pulling myself off the trunk and grabbing the handle to head towards the locker room.

Fred stepped in front of me. "What the hell is going on with you, James?"

"Nothing," I lied.

"No, I don't buy it," he snapped. "The only person in this world you actually care about is her and you're just going to give that up?"

"I'm doing this _because_ I care."

Fred's eyes narrowed. "Could you be any more vague?"

I hadn't meant to take away a life from her that she deserved, one that might have made her happier. I hadn't meant to force her to choose sides between me and the rest of the world. I hadn't meant to hold her back from who she deserved to be.

I didn't say any of that. I just sighed and said, "She deserves better."

When I said nothing more, he growled. "Well whatdya know, you _can_ be more vague," he scoffed. "And you're damn right she deserves better. She deserves someone who is willing to fight for their friendship instead of run at the first sign of trouble!"

"Fred, please just drop it," I pleaded desperately. "This is hard enough as it is without you making things worse."

"How can I possibly make things worse?" he drawled. "I'm pretty sure we passed by the worst of it on hour five of you two avoiding each other."

"Fred-"

"Don't," he hissed. "Don't just 'Fred' me and expect me to drop this. Either tell me what in Merlin's name is running through your head right now or tell AliCat. _Those are your only options_."

I knew that this was a better conversation to be having with Alice but the cowardly part of me was afraid to even go there. It was one thing fearing that our friendship has run its course. It was another having her confirm it.

"I choose the option of me hitting the showers," I said stubbornly, levitating the trunk and hastily making my way towards the clubhouse.

"Why should I be surprised?" he called out after me. "Hiding from your problems is all you've ever really been good at!"

I hesitated before saying, "And here I thought I only supposedly hid from my problems _behind_ Alice not about her."

And with that, I took off towards the clubhouse without another word.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

The weekend passed by, my cowardly self still unable to face Alice. I felt strangely alone during all of this, even though I constantly surrounded myself with people to avoid thinking about the inevitable. Fred and I ran through a handful of pranks, I lost to wizarding chess several times against Rose, I had a hot dog eating contest with Jax, I teased Dash about his bickering matches with Shayne, and I scheduled several team practices and team meetings to keep my mind occupied on Quidditch. I rarely saw Alice outside of class or the Great Hall or practice, though when I did she was typically hanging around Rudy. It had once irritated me but it just made it more apparent that she didn't have a whole lot of other people to hang around.

I couldn't discuss the thoughts rolling around in my head with Fred because he already thought I was an idiot. I had for a brief moment considered writing Teddy before realizing he was still angry with me. Rose was the smartest person I knew besides Alice but the idea of whining to her made me cringe. I could have tried getting Lily's take on it but I had hexed her boyfriend after catching the two of them holding hands so she wasn't pleased with me at the moment. So I had no one to talk to.

But evidently, Alice did.

I was wandering the halls by myself when I heard my name and stopped short.

"-seems unlike James, that's all."

I recognized that as Rudy's voice.

"He knows how to hold a grudge," Alice responded.

"Not with you."

She was quiet for a while. "There's never been any reason for him to hold a grudge against me before."

"But there is now?"

She didn't reply.

"That bad, hm?"

More quiet. "I don't know," she murmured. "This time, it's not exactly his fault."

"Ah, so the perfect Head Girl admits to messing up, hm?"

"I'm not perfect."

"To him you are."

There was a long silence before Alice spoke. "Maybe that's the problem."

What was that supposed to mean?

"Having someone think the world of you shouldn't be a problem, Alice."

"But it is," she whispered. "Because he should get the chance to think the world of others, too. I've always been in his corner. Maybe it's someone else's turn."

"He tried that with Hattie," he pointed out. "Didn't work."

"Because he was too afraid to make it work," she muttered.

Uh, no, because there was a Code that said it couldn't work.

"Mm," Rudy hummed. "And you think that's somehow because of you?"

There was another long pause. "I think that I didn't help matters."

"And I think you're overthinking it."

At one point, I did, too. But now, I wasn't so sure.

There was a soft sigh before Alice spoke. "I can't argue with him about Hattie anymore."

Whatever response I was expecting, that wasn't it.

So she was avoiding me because of Hattie? A girl I had maybe fancied for all of a few days before it had to come to an abrupt end? Why was she even bringing her up anymore? It was a moot point. Hattie and I weren't even speaking to each other anymore. She was already old news. _So why was Alice still fixated on her_?

"What's there to argue about?" Rudy sighed. "He's not with her."

EXACTLY.

"But he wanted to be."

"So?"

Yeah, so?

"So he wanted to be," she murmured.

And once again I say _so_?

"He's never shown any interest in a girl before," she continued. "Never. It was easier then. But I can't ignore the fact that he's human and he deserves to be happy and find someone to spend the rest of his life with. Someone that isn't just his best friend. Someone that isn't me. I can't be the reason he doesn't get everything he deserves."

I was now more confused than ever.

Here I was convinced it was better for me to take a step back from our friendship. And the truly ironic part was that she was feeling the exact same way.

Was this it? Was this the end? Was a goodbye in our near future?

"Don't you think you're jumping the gun here a little bit? I mean, I know I sound like a broken record here but _he's not with Hattie_ ," Rudy groaned.

"But he could be."

I could practically feel Rudy roll his eyes.

Or maybe that was just me.

"Yet you're the one he chose to spend New Year's Eve with, not her."

"Only because he felt obligated," she muttered. "And you're only proving my point here."

I stopped myself from charging around the corner to tell her I hadn't done it out of obligation but because I cared more for my friendship with Alice than for a relationship that could never happen with Hattie. _Why couldn't she get that_?

"So is that really what you think?" Rudy sighed, a hint of annoyance in his voice. "That he's just friends with you because he doesn't know how not to be? Because he's afraid not to be? Because it's harder not to be?"

Alice didn't respond and once again I had to stop myself from interrupting them to tell her she was a colossal idiot. I had a feeling that wouldn't go over too well.

"Tell me, Alice," Rudy spoke, his voice soft with curiosity, "If you really think that, then why are you even friends with him?"

That question made everything inside of me freeze up in terror, afraid to find out what her answer might be.

I could have walked away then.

I probably should have.

But I didn't.

It took a while for her to respond but when she did, her voice unexpectedly rigid. "People ask me that all the time," she spoke. "Why a girl like me is friends with a guy like him."

"That's not how I-"

"I know," she cut him off. "But the answer is the same."

Once again, I held my breath in anticipation.

"Which is?" Rudy probed.

"He's the only person in the world who knows the real me."

That should have made me feel better.

It didn't.

Because it just meant she never gave others the chance to see the real her. And that was on me.

"So this person I'm talking to right now, that's not the real you?" Rudy interrogated.

"It's one version of the real me," she said dismissively. "But he knows it all because he was there through it all. Every heartache I had to go through, he went through it with me. I was only five when my mother died and no one could stop the tears except for him. He was there the day my father went back to work at Hogwarts and I felt abandoned, just to have him remind me I could never be alone with him in my life. He was there when my grandmother died and he sat by my side all night as I sat on the rain-soaked soil in front of my mother's grave. He was the first person to congratulate me when I made the Quidditch team. He's there to pull me away from the inn pub when he knows I just need a night out. He was there to remind me that I'm allowed to go after my dreams, even if that means letting down the people I care most about. He knows when I'm upset and he knows when I'm angry and he knows what to say to make everything feel okay again."

The silence following was desperately palpable, the air becoming heavy around me. But I barely had time to process what she said before she continued on.

"But I can't keep expecting him to show up all the time to make me feel okay again," she spoke softly. "That's not fair to him. At some point, I have to learn how to just be me and not the me with James. And the truth is, he deserves the exact same thing."

Those words hit me harder than I would have liked to admit, knowing that it wasn't just the opportunity to make other friends I had taken away from Alice. I had also taken away her chance to be the best version of herself.

I couldn't listen to her talk about me anymore. I feared that if I stayed, she may say something even more heartbreaking that I wouldn't be able to unhear, so I quickly whirled around and dashed out of there.

As I sped through the hallways, I couldn't help but wonder if it was Alice or myself I was running from.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"You're an idiot."

I glanced up as my sister slid on to the common room couch next to me. "Sure, okay."

Her eyebrow popped up. "That's it? You're not even going to try to argue with me?"

"I guess I'm just all argued out," I muttered as I returned my gaze to the scribbled words in my playbook.

"Well, there's an easy solution to that."

"Tell that to Ace," I drawled, my eyes not straying from the page.

"I did. And she said that if you didn't want to talk to her, then she was going to give you what you wanted."

Funny, that was my exact thought process.

"Guess we finally agree on something," I murmured.

Lily swiftly grabbed the playbook from my hands and I jerked my head towards her to glare at her. "Could you not be annoying right now?"

"Sorry, annoying little sister reporting for duty," she drawled. "The entire school is in a buzz about the fact that the dynamic duo is on the outs. Do you know what that says?"

"That the entire school has way too much time on their hands."

"No," Lily growled. Hesitating, she shrugged, "Well, yes, but that wasn't where I was going with it. It says that your friendship is something that people can't not notice. It means something. It's inspiration and influential. You're a staple of this school, the two of you together. And it's completely unnatural when you're not together. I don't know what's going on with you. But I don't really care. You are not James Potter without Alice Longbottom and that's really all it comes down to."

Lily didn't know that with every word she spoke she was just making me feel worse. It shouldn't feel so unnatural to have some distance from Alice. The whole school shouldn't be in such a tizzy over my or her private life. My friendship shouldn't feel like an inspiration, it should just feel like a friendship. And the only reason that any of these things were happening was because she and I never gave ourselves the chance to be anyone but James and Alice as one united front.

When did we start depending on each other so much that we stopped being individuals?

"Yeah, well, maybe it's about time she gets to be Alice Longbottom without James Potter," I murmured as I tried reaching for my playbook from Lily's hands.

Lily pulled it out of reach. "She doesn't want that."

According to her conversation with Rudy, that was exactly what she wanted.

And I had to find a way to be okay with that.

"Can I get my playbook back please?" I growled.

Lily glared at me. "Not until you make up with Alice," she spoke promptly as she picked herself off the couch, hugging my playbook to her chest.

"What? You can't be serious," I groaned, swiping at it again.

Lily scurried out of my way with a smirk. "Come find me when you're friends with Alice again."

"Oh, come off it. Just give me back my—where are you going? Lils? _Lily_!"

But she was already halfway up the girls stairwell and I was stuck without my Quidditch plays.

If anyone ever tells you how lovely it is having a younger sister, I assure you, they are sorely mistaken.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"How does it feel to now have every girl in school loathe you?"

That was the unfortunate voice I came across before dinner that night, a dinner I was only going to because I had no playbook to keep me company.

I spun around and glared at Brooks Pruitt. "Why don't you tell me, Pruitt, since we both know you know a thing or two about it."

The Ravenclaw rolled his eyes at me. "Even your insults are sub-par without that bestie of yours hanging on my arm."

I snorted. "The only thing Alice Longbottom hangs on to is a broom when she's kicking your arse on the pitch."

"See what I mean? Sub-par," he sneered.

To be fair, he was right. I had little energy to argue or even talk to Brooks at the moment but I wasn't about to give him the satisfaction of knowing he was right.

"Why don't you go slink back into whatever storm drain you crawled out of before I decide to make my fist meet your face's acquaintance?"

He smirked. "You've already had four detentions this year because of fighting. One more and I guarantee that Captain's badge of yours will be taken away."

"Who the hell cares? There's a lot more to life than a stupid Captain badge."

Even as the words were coming from my mouth, I was surprised by them. I was even more surprised that I meant them. One fight with Alice was suddenly making me realize how important she was to me.

Right before I realized it might not matter.

"That's rich coming from the guy who probably sings to his badge every night," Brooks sneered.

"Yeah, well, 'Badge over Troubled Waters' happens to have a nice ring to it," I shot back, disappearing down the hallway before Brooks could come up with some sort of retort.

I slid into the Gryffindor table across from Fred, taking a few seconds to notice that Alice wasn't there.

"I thought you were avoiding the Great Hall," my cousin greeted me.

I shrugged. "I figured you'd miss my company if I didn't make an appearance every once in a while."

"Oh, yeah, because looking at your ugly face in class and at Quidditch practice and in the common room and in our bedroom isn't nearly enough for me."

"I'm ignoring the 'ugly face' comment to agree that I'm irresistible."

"Nothing about your ugly face is irresistible."

I chucked a biscuit at his head. "Bloody Lily stole my goddamned playbook," I growled. "I figured I had nothing better to do than eat dinner without it, so here I am."

Fred's eyebrows popped up. "And why did your sister swipe your playbook?"

"Blackmail," I scowled. "She says she'll give it back to me when I make up with Ace."

Fred stared at me before bursting into laughter. "Oh, she's good. Why didn't I think of that?"

I glared at him.

"So does this mean that you haven't made up with AliCat yet?" he sighed.

"Oh, look, dinner rolls," I drawled, reaching for the basket.

I could have told him I overheard her talking to Rudy about how she didn't know if being my friend worked for us anymore. I could have told him I was at a complete loss of what to do. I could have told him it wasn't his job to worry about us.

Instead, I grabbed a roll and said nothing at all.

My silence had him letting out a grunt of frustration. His eyes held determination as she spoke again. "Have you heard the latest rumor going around?"

I groaned. "There are too many rumors going around about me to keep count."

"Not only do you have an ugly head, you have a big one," Fred drawled. "This rumor isn't about you."

I shrugged. "I don't think it's that far-fetched to think yet another rumor has sprung up about me considering how many rumors are currently floating around regarding my friendship with Alice and my lack of relationship with Hattie, but pray tell, oh rude one, what is this latest rumor you speak of?"

Fred shoveled a bite of mashed potatoes into his mouth before placing the fork down and giving me his full attention. "Apparently Alice was caught snogging Rudy in the hallway."

I felt myself go numb as a heaviness settled into my heart, clouding my head with the intimate image of them embracing. I could tell Fred knew he caught me off-guard as I attempted to compose myself. "Good for her."

There was a long pause before – "' _Good for her_?'" Fred hissed. "Have you gone completely mad?"

I glanced up into my cousin's brown eyes and shrugged before saying, "Not lately, no."

Fred grunted and sat back on the bench with narrowed eyes. "Did you also hear that Lily got caught snogging CJ?"

I threw my roll down on to my plate and cried out, "No fucking way! _I'll kill him_!"

"Yes, _that_ ," he exclaimed, pointing at me. "That is the reaction you're supposed to have for AliCat, too!"

I frowned. "Wait, so did my sister actually get caught snog-"

" _No_ ," Fred grunted. As an afterthought, he added, "But they're dating so I'm sure it's happened by now."

I made a face. "As long as I don't have to hear about it," I muttered, tossing the rest of the roll in my mouth and shoveling shepherd's pie on to my plate.

Fred sighed. "You can't honestly tell me you're okay hearing about AliCat and Rudy."

I busied myself in my dinner, staring anywhere but up at Fred's concerned expression. Was I okay hearing that? Not really. But only because the idea of Alice snogging someone else always made me unnaturally uncomfortable. But if Rudy was who she wanted, I needed to be okay with that. I needed her to be happy. I needed to not need her as much as I apparently did.

I didn't know Rudy all that well and I hated the very idea of someone taking my place but Alice's heart deserved to find the room to welcome other people in. I couldn't take up all of her consideration, time, and energy. She deserved more than that. She deserved better. She deserved to be happy.

So that's what I told Fred.

Fred sighed. "What, and suddenly you don't think you know how to make her happy?"

"Suddenly, I don't think I should be the only one to make her happy."

Fred's eyes narrowed. " _What_?"

"Nothing," I sighed. "Eat your mashed potatoes."

He ignored me. "Eight days, James."

My eyebrow popped up. "Eight days until what?"

"No," he said, shaking his head, "It's been eight days since you and Alice had your fight. Eight days since you've spoken. _Eight days_."

Felt longer.

"Remember when you told me you were going to stay out of it?" I grunted. "Let's revisit that, shall we?"

"James-"

" _I'm not having this conversation again, Fred_ ," I barked, my anger slowly hitting its breaking point. "She has her reasons for keeping her distance and I have mine. And we're the only two that matter here."

Fred's head tilted to the side. "Do you even know her reasons for keeping her distance?"

I didn't at first but after overhearing her conversation with Rudy, I figured it out fairly easily. "I have a pretty good idea."

Fred frowned. "With you acting this calmly, I'm thinking you don't."

I looked up at him in slight surprise. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"It's supposed to mean, _go bloody talk to her_ ," he hissed. "I'm tired of having to be your moral compass. Go give her that job back."

My eyebrow shot up. "Shouldn't my moral compass have, oh I don't know, morals?"

He glared at me. "I'd find that amusing if I wasn't so annoyed with you right now."

"There's no reason for you to be annoyed," I seethed. "This isn't your problem."

"Yeah, well, you're not dealing with the problem so I'm forced to intervene," he growled.

I just rolled my eyes and found a very intense interest in my shepherd's pie.

"Dammit, James," he growled. "What the hell do I have to say to make you realize you're making a huge mistake here?"

"Nothing," I snapped at him, my patience thinning. "There's nothing you can say to make any of this make sense so maybe you should stop trying."

" _She's your best friend_."

"So I guess you're not giving my 'stop trying' suggestion a whole lot of thought, are you?" I grumbled.

"You are aware that she's pretty much the best thing that ever happened to you, right?"

"Yeah, but maybe I'm not the best thing that happened to her!" I snapped.

Fred's eyebrows shot up. "What?"

I gobbled up the last of my shepherd's pie before saying, "Nothing. Never mind. I have homework to get to." I pulled myself off the bench and headed out.

"Since when have you ever done homework?" Fred cried after me but I ignored him, continuing towards the exit. "DAMMIT, POTTER, WE'RE NOT DONE WITH THIS CONVERSATION!"

I was halfway towards the door when I noticed a small crowd had formed in the foyer just beyond the Great Hall. I groaned, not wanting to deal with any kind of people at the moment. I managed to slip past them, sneaking off towards the stairwell when a familiar voice stopped me.

"My personal life is none of your concern, Brooks."

"Your personal life appears to be everyone's concern, Longbottom."

I whirled around and let out an incredibly loud groan, causing a few heads to turn. "For fuck's sake, Pruitt," I found myself saying, "You can't manage to push my buttons so you move on to Alice? You should really consider finding yourself a hobby."

Alice turned around and frowned at me. "James-"

"Oh, look, it's Longbottom's Knight in Shining Armor coming to save the day," the Ravenclaw drawled with a roll of the eyes. "Why am I not surprised?"

"He was just leaving," Alice said, shooting me a warning look. Glancing back towards Brooks, she added, "You should consider walking away, too, before I decide to stick you with a detention."

"For what?" he sneered. "For speaking my mind?"

"For being an asshole, that's what."

A round of oohs fell from the crowd and Brooks used that time to glare at Alice. "Some Head Girl you are, insulting your students."

"I only insult the ones that deserve it," she spoke coolly.

Snickers rippled through the crowd this time and I could see the rage growing in Brooks. "And everyone thinks you're so polite and wholesome," he sneered. "Then again, I suppose I shouldn't be surprised to find out you're not. Maybe if your mother hadn't keeled over on you as a kid, you would have grown up learning a thing or two about manners. Then again, I wouldn't exactly want to turn out like someone who apparently makes a better dead person than an alive one."

It was an incredibly low blow and we all knew it. Cries of protests and angry gasps fell from the lips of the surrounding students. But I didn't see any of them. I just saw Alice standing there looking blind-sided and hurt. She stared at the Ravenclaw, who was now wearing a smug smile on his face, but before she could say something to him, someone had weaseled their way through the crowd and punched Brooks Pruitt in the face.

I don't think I have to tell you who that someone was.

" _You're a piece of shit, Pruitt, y'hear me_? _"_ I snapped, standing over him with my wand now outstretched in my hand. He was clutching his nose and barely paying any attention to me, but that didn't stop me from calling him out. "You think you're all that because you come from money and you have a job waiting for you after school and you know how to stop a quaffle or two from scoring, but you use insults and you push people down the stairs because you're an insecure little boy who can't stand the idea that _everyone in this goddamned school is better than you_. You're nothing. _You're scum_. You're-"

"James, stop."

I did, turning towards the unexpected voice. "Go away, Fred. This isn't your fight."

"It's not yours, either," he pointed out.

I was still angry as all hell but my previously boiled blood was starting to thin, so I shot one last glare at Brooks before pocketing my wand. "He's a piece of shit," I snarled.

"I know," Fred said with a curt nod.

I looked around, waiting for Alice to yell at me for once again using my fists to express my anger but she was nowhere to be found.

"She took off."

I didn't have to ask Fred how he knew who I was looking for.

I pushed my way through the crowd and headed towards the courtyard.

"Where are you going?" Fred asked.

I didn't respond but I didn't need to. He knew exactly where I was going.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I slipped on to the bench opposite the war memorial beside Alice. She stiffened but said nothing.

The silence was thick and awkward and I only then realized that I probably should have prepared something to say. Seeing as I didn't, I thought it might be best to wait for Alice to speak.

It took a few minutes but she did speak eventually. "What are you doing here?"

Not exactly what I expected but I answered honestly. "Where else am I supposed to be?"

She turned to me, her eyes dark with anger. I wanted to believe that that anger was targeted towards Brooks but I knew it was probably wishful thinking. "So you'll avoid me for a week but the moment an opportunity presents itself for you to come to my rescue, you'll jump at it?"

I considered her words carefully. And then I considered my answer carefully. "It's not like you haven't been avoiding me back."

Yeah, I probably should have spent more time on that answer.

"Is that the only part you're going to comment on?" she snapped.

Yes.

I thought back to what she had said to Rudy earlier in the day, about how she couldn't keep expecting me to show up during any time of duress.

And yet there I was, showing up.

I didn't know how not to show up.

The ache in my heart was overwhelming but I managed to ignore it as I said softly, "If you don't want me to keep showing up for you, Alice, just tell me and I'll stop. I'll leave you alone. I'll back off. I'll give you space. I will. Just say the word and I'm gone."

Her brow furrowed in slight confusion. "I don't want you to avoid me for a week and then only show up because you feel obligated."

There was that goddamned word again.

"Y'know, Alice, I'm getting a little tired of you telling me that I only do things for you out of obligation and not because I genuinely care about you."

There was an edge to my voice I hadn't been expecting but the idea that Alice could possibly believe that after all these years, our friendship was just some sort of stale compulsion sent a river of frustration through my veins.

She turned to me, the hesitant surprise evident in her eyes. "I never meant to make it sound that way."

I turned away from her with a shake of the head, my gaze automatically meeting that of my father's name at the top of the memorial wall. I stared at it for just a few seconds before forcing my gaze on to the fountain in front of me instead.

"How else was it supposed to sound?" I murmured. "You told me I used you to hide from not only the rest of the world but myself, too. You told me we were only friends because it was easy and simple. You told me you were afraid you hold me back."

I saw the wince on her face with every word I spoke, the guilt evident in her panicked eyes.

"The funny thing is, Alice," I continued when she struggled to respond, "Is that if either of us holds the other back, it's me of you."

Her head jerked sharply towards me, her mouth parting in shock. " _What_?"

I didn't respond at first, knowing that if I continued with this conversation, there was no going back. But the other option was to continue avoiding Alice and pretending I was okay with it when I wasn't. Whether I walked away from that war memorial with Alice by my side still as my best friend or whether I walked away alone knowing I was giving her what she deserved, we both needed to stop avoiding each other just for the sake of avoiding each other. We needed to know the truth without having to guess.

Taking a deep breath in, I exhaled slowly and began talking. "You're one of the best people I know, Alice. You're smart and compassionate and likeable and you genuinely care about people. Me? I'm not any of that. I haven't been any of that for a long time."

I could feel her surprised eyes on me but I refused to look at her, too afraid that the ache in my heart would burst with explosive shame if I did.

"I dragged you into my crazy, fucked up world six years ago, Alice," I choked out. "I went from this happy-go-lucky kid to a cynical troublemaker in just a few short weeks. I pushed everyone away and I retreated into a mere shell of myself, putting on this front of self-confidence when inside, my heart was breaking. But my burdens were never supposed to be yours. I never meant to drag you down with me. You deserve so much better. You deserve to be everything you can be. Everything you want to be. You are smart and talented and you're the most inspiring person I know and I shouldn't be the only one that gets to see that. You deserve the world, Alice. And I'm just really afraid I took that from you."

It was the first time I had ever truly admitted out loud that I knew I wasn't the person I pretended to be to the outside world. I had always known I put on a front, and I knew Alice was aware of that, too, but I didn't like talking about it because it just made me feel even emptier inside than I already was. But if I could admit the truth to anyone, it was the girl who had blindly stuck by my side even though the other option would have been the better choice for her.

I saw an unexpected devastation in Alice's eyes and for a moment, I wondered if she was about to break my heart.

"Where is this all coming from?"

That was it. That was all she said. I was hoping for an argument of sorts. I was hoping she'd tell me I was wrong. I was hoping she's silence my fears.

She didn't.

And the worst part was, I didn't think she would.

"There's a reason you've been avoiding me, Alice," I spoke softly. "And I don't think it has anything to do with New Year's Eve."

She jerked her head towards me sharply. "Oh, really?" she drawled. "Then what does it have to do with?"

I turned away from her, a sadness in my eyes. "I liked a girl for all of five minutes and that seemed to put a strain on our friendship," I muttered. "At the time I didn't' know why but I think I get it now. Because now it's your turn to like a guy and you so deserve to be happy with him and you deserve all the things from him that I can't give you, that I've never been able to give you. So maybe it's better if we just take a step back and let you figure that out without me coming in to fuck it all up like we both know I will-"

"Hold on," Alice said, climbing off the bench in a confused hurry as she shook her head defensively. "What the hell are you talking about? What _guy_?"

I shot her a look. "Oh, c'mon. Who do you think I'm talking about?" I sighed.

"I don't know which is why I asked!"

I frowned. "If you were going for discrete, next time you shouldn't get caught snogging Rudy in the hallway."

Her eyes grew wide. "I have never snogged Rudy!" she exclaimed. "Where the hell did you hear that?"

I hesitated. "Er…so that really is just a rumor?"

" _Yes_!"

"Oh."

She paced in front of me, irritation and confusion striking with every step she took. She said nothing for a few good minutes, cursing the gossiping traitors under her breath. Eventually, the calm settled into her expression and she turned towards me. "So let me get this straight," she spoke slowly, "You think I have replaced you with some new guy in my life and suddenly you're trying to be all Mr. Chivalrous by taking a step back from our friendship? Is that it?"

I blinked. "Er…what's one way of looking at it."

"Even though you've never once taken a step back from my dating potentials no matter how many times I've asked you to back off?"

"Maybe I've grown up?"

She shot me a look.

Yeah, I didn't think she'd believe that.

I sighed. "Or maybe I've realized that I've held you back too many times already and you deserve some good in your life without me getting involved and ultimately screwing it up for you."

Her eyes narrowed as she let out a weary scoff. "I don't even know what to respond to first," she muttered, shaking her head. "The whole you-holding-me-back thing which I assure you is _all in your head_ , the fact that you don't believe you can be considered the good in my life, or the whole you-not-thinking-you-should-be-involved-in-my-life even though _you're my best friend and I've never once told you to uninvolve yourself."_

She was standing in front of me now with crossed arms, her one eyebrow pointed upward as she looked at me with a curt expression that clearly was meant to say "I dare you to challenge me."

I just said, "I assumed by you telling me that you couldn't be my fallback, that you couldn't be the person who holds me back from what I deserve, that you couldn't be the person I turn to because it's easy, that you couldn't be the person I hide away with, that that was in fact you telling me to uninvolve myself with your life."

The irritation in her gaze faded quickly into guilt at the reminder of all the words she spoke to me during our argument eight days earlier. "I just wanted you to realize that you don't have to settle for me if there is more out there that you want," she whispered.

"There isn't a damned thing out there that is better than what I have with you," I spoke almost immediately.

She hesitated. "But there could be."

"Uh, no, I promise you that there couldn't be."

She sighed. "One day you're going to find a girl who changes your mind about that."

It was my turn to hesitate. "Maybe. One day. And when that day comes, you'll be equally as important to me as she is," I said with a shrug. "I didn't settle for you, Alice. I never settled. I chose you every single time because I wanted to not because it was the only choice."

The look in her eye softened into an unexpected gratitude. She said nothing, just staring at me with those doe eyes of her, her cheeks flushed with the slightest hue of pink. There was a breeze in the air that sent small wisps of her hair in various directions, but she took no notice of it as she continued to just look at me as if I was supposed to hold all of the answers.

For the record, I didn't.

"I can't imagine not being your friend," Alice eventually said.

I blinked, the random segue rather off-putting. "And…that's a bad thing?"

She hesitated.

She fucking hesitated.

"It's not a bad thing," she spoke softly. "It's a scary thing."

Not sure what possessed me to follow that up with a "Why?" but I did.

She responded with her own question. "Do you know what hit me the most this past week when we weren't speaking to each other?"

I took her bait. "What?"

She sat back down on the bench and turned towards me, a reluctant determination in her eyes. "That you're pretty much the only friend I have."

I winced as Kenley Brown's words came back to haunt me.

"People probably started that rumor about me and Rudy because he's the only person I've been hanging around lately," she explained. "And don't get me wrong, he's a nice guy. But he's not you."

I wasn't sure if it was meant to be a compliment but all I felt was dread. Turning away from her, I said, "Do you know what hit me the most in the past week when we weren't speaking to each other?"

She wasn't as quick to respond but she eventually did. "What?"

I settled my gaze on to the fountain once again, refusing to look her in the eye out of fear that I would see the truth staring back at me. "That the reason you only have one friend is because I took away the chance for you to get to know others the moment I shut out the rest of the world and dragged you down with me."

There was a long deafening silence that crushed my insides with utter panic before she finally spoke. "You might have shut out the rest of the world, but you didn't shut me out," she said softly. "So why would I have done that to you?"

There were so many answers I could have responded with. About how she might have been happier. How she could have been the best version of herself without me. How she wouldn't have to spend the next six years watching me fall apart. How she deserved to live her own life instead of piggybacking off mine.

Instead I said, "Because you deserve the best. And I know I'm not it."

She didn't respond immediately, her eyes bearing a rather intense hole in mine. I wondered what she was thinking, if she still felt like a part of her was to blame for me not going after all the things I could be going after or if she worried that perhaps I was to blame for her not being the person she deserved to be. I wanted to know where this conversation was going. I wanted to know if she thought we were better off parting ways or if she needed me the way I so desperately wanted her to. I needed to find out the truth even though it might hurt.

She nudged me with her elbow and I reluctantly looked up at her. "Do you know what I see when I look at you, James?"

"Devilishly good looks?"

She laughed, a contagious laugh that somehow melted my insides. "No."

I smiled my first smile since I sat down on that bench. "What do you see?"

She turned to me, coy smile tugging at the edge of her lips. "Maybe everyone else sees the guy with devilishly good looks or maybe they see some trouble-making bully, but I see the boy I used to know. The boy who spent every day with his head in the clouds and a new dream on the horizon. The boy who loved life and lived every moment of it with a smile on his face. I see the boy whose light only faded because he came to a school of people who expected him to be his father when his father turned out to be someone he didn't even know. I see the boy who was forced to grow up really quickly because he needed to forget all about his childhood. The boy who turned against everyone he didn't know because he wouldn't allow himself to trust another person just to be let down again. The boy who uses Quidditch as a way of shutting out the anger in his heart. The boy who was so afraid of letting people in that he pretended he was fine all on his own. I see a boy afraid to be himself because he fears it'll never be good enough for anyone. I see the real you, James, and to me, you'll always be good enough."

In a way, it was one of the nicest things Alice had ever said to me, though it had been preceded by a few painful reminders I had always tried to suppress. The same painful reminders that I, myself, had brought up only moments earlier.

At least we were in agreement over one thing. I was completely and utterly fucked up.

I could have responded to her, thanked her or at least told her I appreciated the kind words. I didn't. Instead, I said, "Do you know what I see when I look at you?"

She looked at me in slight surprise, clearly expecting more of a response than that, before shaking her head. "What?" she asked shyly.

"A girl who deserves more than just a boy living a lie."

A sadness flickered in her eyes. "It doesn't matter what you think I deserve, James," she spoke softly. "It matters what I think."

"I know what you think," I sighed. "You think you need to figure out how to just be you and not the you with me."

Hesitation stared back at me before realization settled in. Her eyes widened slightly, clearly remembering the words she spoke to Rudy earlier in the day. "How…"

"I overheard you talking to Rudy," I admitted.

Curiosity rested in her eyes as she spoke. "Sounds like you may have missed the rest of that conversation."

I shrugged. "I didn't exactly want to stick around and hear about how you needed to find a way out of our friendship," I mumbled.

She surprised me by letting out a chuckle. "Yes, I told Rudy I probably needed to learn how to be a version of myself without you. But he told me that if figuring that out meant not being around you that that wasn't a lesson I should want to learn."

I looked at her in shock.

"And I told him he was right," she finished.

Well, don't I feel stupid.

"Because this past week has been unbearable. I couldn't stand not being around you. Not being able to talk to you. It's not that you're my best friend or my only friend, James. It's that I can't imagine not having you in my life. I don't care that I never made friends with other girls in my year and that you intimidate guys so much they don't even have the guts to talk to me. Well, maybe I care a little bit about that," she chuckled, shaking her head slightly. "But my point is, I'll take you and only you over an army of friends any day of the week."

I smiled again. It felt good to smile. "Has anyone ever told you that you have a real way with words?"

She smiled back. "Only with you," she whispered, "Because you bring out the best in me."

A huge weight suddenly disappeared off my heart. "So…" I trailed off with a hesitant smile, "For the record, we're both idiots who should have just had this conversation seven days ago to clear things up?"

She laughed and then nodded. "That probably would have been a good idea."

I smiled and met the warmth in her gaze. "Y'know, I think I really missed you, Ace."

A coy smile spread across her lips. "That's the first time you've called me Ace during this entire conversation."

I nodded. "I know," I commented. "And the whole time, it felt weird."

She smiled at me as a fell over us, one filled with comfort and reassurance.

And then I just had to go and ruin it.

"For the record, Ace, Brooks Pruitt is the biggest jerk on the planet."

The light and airy moment was officially over.

"You shouldn't have punched him," she murmured.

I shrugged. "Sorry, but I get to punch the prick who hurts my best friend."

She frowned, slowly shaking her head in disapproval. "That Captain badge of yours is going to be called into question."

"I have a feeling your father with reconsider when he finds out what that jackoff said."

"No," she pleaded, turning to me with desperation in her eyes. "You can't tell him what Brooks said or my father is going to snap that prat's spine into two and I don't particularly fancy having to visit my father behind bars for assaulting a defenseless student."

I somehow knew she was going to say that so I nodded solemnly. "Then I lose the badge," I murmured with a hesitant shrug. "It would be worth it."

Alice considered this before saying, "You'll think differently when Fred is given the Captain's badge and he makes you run laps every practice from now until eternity."

"Oh, right, like they'll give Fred the badge over you?" I snorted.

"I already have one badge, Jay," she reminded me. "I'm not looking for another."

I grimaced. Considering the amount of laps I made my teammates run during the last few months, I knew for a fact that Fred was going to make me pay.

But I merely shrugged and said, "Then I'll do laps. It would be worth it."

She sighed. "And if you're benched for inappropriate misconduct?"

Shit. Hadn't thought about that.

"Your father won't bench me," I argued. "I'm too good."

She rolled her eyes. "McGonagall could make him bench you."

Shit.

Sighing, all I could do was shrug again. "So then I'm benched," I murmured. "And once again I say, it would be worth it."

I wouldn't swear to it but I'm pretty sure Alice smiled before burying her head against my shoulder with a sigh.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"Neville wants to see you."

I glanced up from my Quidditch playbook as Rose leaned over the back of the couch with a frown. "It's nine o'clock at night."

"And you punched a student in the face," Rose snapped.

"Not sure what that has to do with the time."

" _You punched a student in the-"_

"Yeah, I know," I spoke, cutting her off as I shut the playbook and tossed my quill into my messenger bag. "I was there, remember?"

"You can't keep doing this," Rose said softly, shaking her head at me. "Your actions have consequences, James."

"How about we leave the lectures for Neville, hm?" I muttered with the roll of my eyes.

I somehow didn't think that was going to be the last I heard from her. "There will always be jerks, James. You just have to find a way to walk away."

I tossed the bag over my shoulder and stood up, turning around to face her. "When someone dares to tell Alice that it's obvious she grew up without a mother due to her lack of manners, walking away is the last goddamned thing I'll ever do."

Rose gaped at me. "Brooks said _what_?"

I just nodded.

"Then you should have kicked him in the balls, too."

Ah, there's the scary Rose we all love to hate.

"Good thing there's still plenty of time in the year for that," I smirked before taking off towards the exit.

"Dammit, that wasn't an invitation to do it in the future! James? _James_!"

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I walked slower than normal to get to Neville's office, the Captain's badge currently hiding in my pocket just waiting to be stripped from me. I couldn't blame anyone but myself. I knew what the consequences were when I punched Brooks but he had deserved what he got. And in the end, it had brought me and Alice back together so I couldn't completely hate the act of violence.

Settling into the chair opposite Neville, I was not surprised to see the disappointment in his face.

I was surprised to see the lack of anger.

"Well, if isn't Mr. Right Hook himself," he greeted, sitting back in his chair with narrowed eyes.

I grimaced but thought it was best not to respond.

He folded his arms across his body. "Remember back when you punched Scorpius Malfoy in the face?"

All I could do was nod.

"Do you remember what I said?"

Uh, yeah, I think I recall you mentioning that I would lose the badge.

"Refresh my memory," I said instead.

Neville frowned. "I told you one more incident involving your fists would result in the removal of your Captain's badge and possible time on the bench."

"Oh, yeah. That," I muttered.

Neville looked at me, his eyes meeting mine with an unexpected intensity. "Which just goes to show you that everyone lies."

I blinked. "What?"

He let out a long sigh before responding. "I spoke to Headmistress McGonagall, James, and I went to bat for you. You're not losing your badge this time and you're not being benched. You _are_ on probation for the next two months so you better watch what you do. Don't make me regret sticking up for you."

I gaped at him, my mouth hanging open in confusion. "But… _why_?"

The anger that had been in his eyes when I first walked in was back. "Fred told me what happened," he spoke crisply.

My heart skipped a beat. "He told you what…"

"Mr. Pruitt said, yes," he grunted. "I don't condone you hitting him. Violence is never the answer, James. You have to work on your decorum before it gets you into some real trouble someday."

"But?"

His lips pursed. "But when Fred told me what Mr. Pruitt said, all I saw was red and I have a feeling that that's all you saw, too."

I looked up at him and nodded. "I saw every shade of red possible, sir."

He offered me a curt nod. "Thirty points have been taken from Gryffindor and you have a week's worth of evening detention so plan your Quidditch practices accordingly."

Fuck. With the match now just under three weeks away, we needed all the practices we could get and I just managed to screw up our practice schedule.

Eh. It was worth it.

"Y'know, Neville, someone is going to soon think that you have a soft spot for me," I teased, pulling myself out of the chair with a grin.

"Just feel lucky that your best friend also happens to be your Head of Household's daughter," he shot back. Hesitating, he said, "She is still your best friend, right?"

"Always," I responded with a smile.

He sighed. "Damn. I was almost hoping she'd drop you for that Frankel kid."

I let out a fake gasp. "Traitor!"

Neville chuckled. "Get out of here, James, before I decide to take away another thirty points."

I saluted him before hightailing it out of there with the goofiest grin on my face.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I returned to the common room and was pleased to see Alice on the couch squished in between Jax and Fred. As I made my way over to them, however, I became aware how unusually quiet it was. Alice being quiet was not noteworthy. Jax being quiet was unusual but probable. Fred being quiet was cause for national panic.

"What's going on?" I dared to ask.

The three of them looked up and I saw it in their eyes. Dread and panic. A combination that never ended in cheerful news.

"Lay it on us," Jax said with a slight shake of the head. "How bad was it?"

"How bad was what?" I asked, perching on the side of the coffee table in front of them.

"Don't play dumb. It's not a good look for you," Alice drawled. "How did it go with my father? Are you out the badge for a week? A month? Forever?"

Not sure this was sudden cause for dread or panic but I simply said, "Never."

Silence followed until Fred spoke up. "Never? As in never never?"

"No, as in always never. _Yes, never never_."

Fred grinned, turning to the other two and outstretching his hand. "Pay up, suckers."

Huh?

Alice ignored him, staring at me in disbelief. "How is that possible? My father is a real hardass when it comes to doling out punishments. Believe me, I would know."

"There is no bloody way you didn't get that badge taken from you," Jax argued.

"You heard him," Fred said with a grin, wiggling his fingers in front of them. " _Pay up_."

I was too busy staring at Fred to bother responding to the other two. "Hold up, you _bet_ on whether or not I'd be stripped of my Captain's badge?"

"Yes, but don't look at me like that. I had faith in you, mate," Fred said with a grin.

I shot him a look. "So I suppose you neglected to mention to these two naïve little fools that you spoke to Neville on my behalf?"

He hesitated. "Ah, so Neville told you about that, did he?"

His words were barely heard over the shouts of outrage and protest by the other two. "You cheated!" Jax groaned.

"No wonder you were the one who suggested the bet," Alice whined. "Dammit, I really have to remember how devious you are."

"Bet still stands. _Pay up,_ " Fred spoke with a grin, shoving his hand under their faces.

"You're going to hell," I sighed. "All of you."

"Please. I was going to hell before this," Fred smirked as Jax and Alice both deposited coins into his hand. "On another note, are you aware that you and AliCat are speaking to each other at the moment?"

I rolled my eyes while Alice smacked him. "You really have a way with the segues, don't you," I drawled sarcastically.

"Oh, please tell me you two are over whatever stupid feud you had going," Jax begged.

"It wasn't stupid," I huffed.

"That didn't answer my question."

"You didn't ask a question."

"It was an implied question."

"No such thing."

" _James_."

" _Jackson_."

"Oh for Merlin's sake," Alice interrupted with the roll of the eyes. "Yes, James and I are over our not-so-stupid feud."

Jax and Fred exchanged a look before they both let out simultaneous cheers. " _About damned time_ ," the former said at the same time Fred said, "HALLELUJAH!"

And then they jumped out of the couch and on to the coffee table and did a rather embarrassing jig because neither one of them were good or event decent dancers and I just sat there staring at Alice with a slight shake of my head saying, "I'm surrounded by a bunch of crazies."

Alice met my gaze and smirked. "You want to jump up there and dance with them, don't you."

I grinned. "Well, _someone's_ got to teach them how a real man dances!"

And then I climbed on to the table and became one of the crazies.

Jax and I eventually dropped back on to the couch, shaking with laughter, but Fred apparently wasn't done. "HEAR YE, HEAR YE, ALL YOU GRYFFINDOR GUYS AND GALS, TONIGHT IS A NIGHT OF CELEBRATION!"

"Fred, _get off the bloody table_ ," Alice groaned.

I tried pushing my cousin off but Jax grabbed the back of my shirt and stopped me from doing so.

"THE KING AND QUEEN OF GRYFFINDOR HAVE RECONCILED! THAT'S RIGHT, YOU HEARD ME, _THEY RECONCILED_! SO TONIGHT WE DANCE AND WE DRINK AND WE HAVE A GRAND OLD TIME! WHO'S WITH ME?"

Total silence followed.

Until – "Er…who's the King and Queen of Gryffindor?" CJ dared to ask.

"No one important, I can assure you," Rose drawled from her perch, not looking up from the book in her hands.

"Oy, you take that back, Rosie!" I called out across the room.

She flipped me off still without lifting her head up.

"You do realize it's a Monday night, right?" Sadie's monotonous voice rang out.

"Which is a perfect night to celebrate!" Fred boasted.

"Anyone against me tying him up to a chair and taping his mouth shut?" Hugo suggested.

"That is not very Weasley-like, Hugo Bartholomew!"

"Er…that's not my middle name."

Fred blinked. "Really? I could have sworn it was."

"Get down from that table, Fred," Alice once again said, though this time she followed it up by pulling herself off the couch and grabbing at Fred's pant leg.

"Alright, but only because it is time to collect the stash of alcoholic from my dorm room," Fred said, kicking playfully at Alice before hopping down. "Boys, to your dorms!"

He skipped off to the stairwell with Jax right behind him. I stayed back to offer Alice a goofy grin. "He may be an idiot but he's not wrong. Our rekindled friendship _is_ something to celebrate."

"When you're all hungover in class tomorrow, don't think I won't repeatedly clap my hands in your ears."

I smiled, probably a tad too maniacally. "Ah, but we won't be the only ones hungover, m'dear Ace."

"I'm not getting drunk on a Monday."

" _Are you telling me you don't value our friendship_?"

She looked unamused. "I'm not getting drunk on a-"

"You're doing it and you're going to like it."

"I'm not getting drunk-"

"You are. End of discussion."

"What? _No_ , that is not the end of— _where are you going, James Potter_?"

With a wink, I skipped past her and joined my cousin as he raided our dorm for alcoholic beverages.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

For the second time that school year, a handful of couches were pushed together surrounding a coffee table as we all split a few bottles of firewhisky and mead amongst ourselves. The crowd was smaller this time. Alice, Fred, and I occupied one couch sharing a bottle of firewhisky amongst us. Jax was beside us with Harley, Jett, and Laikyn. Rose was there with my sister and I forced Hugo to sit between Lily and CJ. Dash and Shayne occupied the last couch with Cass. On the coffee table were an array of playing cards as someone had decided a friendly game of Texas Hold Em' poker was warranted.

Until we all realized that no game of poker in the Gryffindor common room had _ever_ been friendly.

" _How are you getting aces every bloody time_?"

That angry comment came from Dash and was directed at Rose, who merely smirked and collected her winnings. She had opted out of the drinking portion of the evening but was more than happy to swindle us out of our valued treasures.

"I didn't have an ace in my hand that time," she pointed out, tossing a chocolate frog onto a large pile of other candy items. She shoved the handful of whiz-bangs to the side and counted up the jellybeans before popping one into her mouth for good measure.

Oh, yeah, we decided playing for contraband instead of actual money was a good idea.

Not sure why.

I blamed the alcohol.

"You had two kings!"

She shrugged and popped another jellybean into her mouth.

"Well, there goes my chocolate stash," Jax grumbled with the shake of his head, grabbing the firewhisky out of my hands and taking a hefty swig.

"You should know better than to think you have a chance at beating Rose in poker," I pointed out with a shrug. I was smart enough to fold early in that last round.

"He does but he has too much pride to admit defeat to me," Rose drawled as Fred collected the cards and reshuffled them.

"Don't flatter yourself into believing I spend any time thinking about you," Jax said with the roll of his eyes.

"Well, you're either proud or stupid because you went all in on a bloody three and a nine."

"This may be a longshot, but is there any chance we could go five minutes without you two breaking into an argument?"

Rose sent a rather deathly glare towards Laikyn who was twirling her fingers in Jax's hair, something that was making all of us unromantic folk a bit queasy. "Can we go five minutes without having to hear your squeaky voice?" Rose shot back.

"Stop," Jax interrupted before Laikyn could respond, offering his own kind of glare at Rose. "Your stash of contraband far outweighs the rest of us. Can't you just revel in that and leave the rest of us alone?"

The smirk on Rose's face was one I had thankfully never been on the end of. One that looked sweet but had signs of cynicism. "Sure. I think I'll start by eating _all_ of the chocolate frogs I won off of you," she said, reaching over and pulling open one of the chocolate frogs in her stash. She tossed the wrapper and the card aside and bit the head off of the frog.

"Oh, look, it's our dear uncle," Lily chimed in, grabbing the card and holding it up. "Who doesn't have a Ron Weasley card? Anyone? No?"

"Oy, don't be giving that way," Rose said, swiping it off of her. "I can use that to bet with later."

Laughter rippled throughout the crowd as Fred told everyone to ante up before he passed out the next round of cards.

"I've literally got nothing left," Hugo groaned. "I have half a chocolate frog and a piece of paper with Harley's home address on it. How am I-"

"Hey! Who the hell is passing around my home address!?" the sixth year exploded.

"Sorry, love, but it was a good bargaining chip when I had nothing left to bet with," Fred smirked, holding up his arms innocently.

"You're a dead man, Weasley!" was what she shrieked right before she launched herself at him.

Fred yelped and barely jumped out of the way as Harley came careening towards him. "Oh, don't get all crazy over it! Rose is going to win anyway and it's not like she'll pass it off to the highest bidder."

Harley looked at him skeptically.

"Then again, you never know what the hell Rose is going to do," Fred replied sheepishly.

Rose apparently took that as a compliment as she grinned triumphantly. Meanwhile, Harley stood on the table in front of Fred with her hands on her hips and irritation in her eyes. "Where the hell was I when you even bet that to begin with?"

"Snogging your boyfriend most likely."

"Who, for the record, really doesn't like the idea of his girlfriend's address being manhandled by every guy in Gryffindor," Jett spoke hesitantly.

"Well, then pony up and win it for yourself, Thomas," I suggested with a grin. "Though, hate to break it to you, a handful of us already know where Harley lives thanks to her friendship with that cousin of ours."

Harley whirled around, still on the table, and growled. " _I swear you Weasleys and Potters are a bloody cult_."

"Relax, Duncan," I smirked. "It's not like I plan to show up at your house at three in the morning and serenade you with some sappy love song."

She narrowed her eyes at me. "You're planning to show up at my house at three in the morning and serenade me with some sappy love song, aren't you."

I grinned. "Guess you won't know until Easter Break."

She let out a hefty sigh as she plopped back on to the couch beside her beside. "Well, it's official. My family has to move."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I woke up much later due to a crick in my neck. When I managed to open my eyes and determine my surroundings, I realized it was sometime in the early morning and most of the group had passed out in the common room. Jax and Laikyn were sprawled out on one of the couches and my sister was sharing a pillow with Hugo on the floor (thankfully, CJ was nowhere to be seen and was probably one of the smarter ones who took off to bed). Cass and Miles were both gone and Shayne and Dash had taken over one of the couches, his arms curled protectively around her. Rose, Harley, and Jett were sharing a blanket on the floor, which left one couch unoccupied, and I took full occupancy of the last couch. Glancing around, I realized that both Alice and Fred had disappeared, though I could have sworn I had fallen asleep with my head in Alice's lap. Then again, it was possible the firewhisky was making that memory a bit hazy.

Rubbing my neck and groaning in misery, I slowly picked myself off the couch and headed towards the boys' stairwell with a stifled yawn.

I froze when I heard two familiar hushed voices in the stairwell.

"You didn't tell him the whole truth, Alicat."

"I told him what he needed to know, Fred," she said.

I apparently was becoming an expert on eavesdropping on Alice's conversations.

"You can't keep doing this to yourself."

"I'm not doing anything," she murmured.

"Yeah, that's the problem!"

"Keep your voice down," she hissed, an edge to her voice. "Fred, I appreciate your concern but this is my business, not yours, so-"

"It's not just your business. It's James' business, too."

My eyebrow shot up.

"No, it's not," she pleaded. "I'm dealing with it, Fred, alright?"

"Well, maybe you shouldn't have to deal with it alone," Fred murmured. "Maybe James deserves to know. Hell, maybe you deserve that, too."

There was a long pause before Alice responded. "We went eight days without talking, Fred, and every day was pure torture. If I tell him the truth, it might ruin everything. And I can't have that. I can't lose him. I can't lose this friendship."

"AliCat-"

"Please, Fred, just let it go," she begged.

Another long pause. "I just don't want to see you get hurt."

"I know," she spoke softly.

Fred sighed. "C'mon, you can sleep in James' bed. He'll be passed out 'til morning."

She laughed and I heard the sound of footsteps disappearing up the stairs.

And I just stood there wondering what the hell it was that Alice Longbottom was hiding from me.

And wondering if I was better off not knowing.

* * *

 **A/N:** Well, it seems to me that what we've got here are two people who are very afraid of getting any closer to each other than they already are.

More on that later.

Next up: a birthday party that goes terribly wrong.


	17. Time Of Our Lives

**A/N:** Sooo reviewer Giveus17please mentioned that in Poland, Santa Claus brings presents on the 6th of December. I thought he/she was just trying to swindle me out of another chapter but I looked it up and turns out they're right. So I figured why not? You can all thank them for an update less than 24 hours after the last.

* * *

 **WAY WITH WORDS**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 17: Time Of Our Lives

" _Where the water meets the land_ _  
_ _There is shifting in the sand_ _  
_ _Like the tide that ebbs and flows_ _  
_ _Memories will come and go_ _  
_ _All of these years_ _  
_ _When we were here_ _  
_ _Are ending_ _  
_ _But I'll always remember."  
_ -Tyrone Wells

* * *

"CJ, quit daydreaming about my sister and get your arse back in center field!"

CJ jerked his head up, shooting me a glare. "Your other chaser was just clipped in the leg by a bludger, _boss_ ," he drawled. "I was just checking to see if she was okay."

"Ace is tough. She'll be fine," I said, pointing towards center field. "Now get going or I'm assigning you laps after practice!"

"You already assigned me laps after practice," he grumbled, but he offered Alice an apologetic look and took off towards center field.

"Maybe I'll assign you some more!" I barked, flying off to where Alice hovered, massaging her thigh.

"You're being a real hardass today, Potter," Alice drawled as I came up beside her.

I shrugged. "It didn't seem as if Jax hit you that hard. You okay?"

"Jax's not-hard hits are still pretty damned hard," she pointed out.

She had a good point.

"So are you okay or do you need a break?" I asked.

"I'm fine but I could certainly use a break from your incessant yelling."

I rolled my eyes. "We have less than three weeks until the match. It's time to buckle down, Ace."

"There's a difference between buckling down and making your entire team want to revolt against you."

"To be fair, Bishop has always wanted to revolt against me."

Alice looked unamused. "What's going on with you?"

It had been two days since I overheard Alice's conversation with Fred and I was nowhere near closer to figuring out the hidden meaning in their words. I kept going back and forth between wanting to know and thinking it was better not knowing, and the constant roller coaster of thoughts was making me very tense. And apparently I was taking my personal tension out on the team.

"Nothing," I lied, shaking my head. "I just feel like I need to prove to your father and the Headmistress that not taking away my badge was a wise choice."

She folded her arms across her body. "Having your team members quit is going to prove quite the opposite, don't you think?"

"No one is going to quit," I argued.

Her one eyebrow shot into her forehead. "You want to bet the next match on that?"

I hesitated before letting out an irritated sigh. " _Fine_ ," I groaned. "I'll be nicer to everyone but CJ."

"Dare I ask why?"

I would have thought that would have been obvious. Evidently not.

"He's going out with my sister," I scoffed. "Enough said."

"You're truly insufferable, Jay."

"Yeah, I get that a lot."

She rolled her eyes. "So you going to tell me what has turned you into dictator Potter all of a sudden?"

"I already said it was nothing," I urged.

"Yeah, and I don't believe you."

I shrugged. "Seems like that's your problem, not mine."

She glared at me, expectedly so. "What happened to being nicer?"

"I forgot how bad at being nice I was," I replied with a teasing grin. "Now how about you go join CJ in center field or he's going to have a buddy on his laps."

"He already has a buddy. More than one actually. You've assigned laps to everyone except Cass and myself."

I sighed. "I can't seem to find a reason to assign laps to Cass. Believe me, I've tried. It's incredibly infuriating."

She smirked. "Oh, yeah, how dare one of your team members actually listens to you and does everything you say willingly without arguing or talking back. _The horror_!" she teased, winking at me before taking off towards center field.

"And that's fifteen laps for you, Longbottom!"

She flipped me off.

"MAKE THAT TWENTY!"

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

 _Dear James,_

 _WHY CAN'T MY SONS SEEM TO KEEP THEIR HANDS TO THEMSELVES?_

 _Another fight, James? ANOTHER ONE?_

 _Neville said you were standing up for his daughter and while your father and I find that admirable, especially since last we heard you two were on non-speaking terms, you must learn how to resolve your issues without the use of your fists. You may get away with it at Hogwarts but you won't be able to in the real world._

 _I am tired of giving you the 'violence isn't the answer' speech. I'm tired of cringing every time I receive a letter from your school wondering if this is going to be one announcing your expulsion. I'm tired of wondering who is going to set your temper off next. I'm tired, James. You are better than this so how about you start showing it?_

 _You don't realize how your actions affect others. As much as you may not think so, your brother looks up to you and when he sees you punching people, he thinks he can get away with it himself. Hence that not-so-admirable fist fight with Scorpius Malfoy._

 _I'm glad to hear that you and Alice have made amends, though the reason why you two were fighting in the first place remains a mystery to all of us._

 _Your father and I will both be at your Hufflepuff match. Try not to fight any other students between now and then._

 _Love you,_

 _Mum_

I had skimmed most of the letter, impervious to her violence-isn't-the-answer lecture, though a few choice curse words went through my mind when she essentially blamed Albus' fight with Scorpius on me. I would have focused more on that, however, if her last sentence hadn't jumped out at me.

So my father was finally taking the time to show up to one of my games.

I couldn't help but wonder if our conversation on New Year's Eve had a hand in that.

"Letter from home?"

I jumped as Alice slid into the bench opposite me.

"Yeah," I said, crumbling the letter up and tossing it into the pitcher of water.

Alice stared at the soggy parchment. "That good, hm?"

"Same old shit," I said with a shrug as I dug into my scrambled eggs. Hesitating, I shook my head and said, "Actually, no, not same old shit. This time, Mum decided to blame me for Al's fight with Malfoy."

Her eyebrow shot up. "Come again?"

"Nothing. Never mind. It's stupid," I said, shaking my head. "They're both coming to our match."

"Your father, too?"

I nodded.

She hesitated. "Well, that's different."

I just shrugged.

"That's a good thing, right?"

"Only if we win," I argued. "If he finally shows up to a match and I lose to bloody Hufflepuff, I'm not only going to be the laughingstock in our school, but it'll be yet another thing I've done for my father to be disappointed in."

"Jay-"

"It's fine," I said, shaking my head. "We'll win."

I could feel Alice's eyes on me as I busied myself in my eggs, pretending to find an interest in the tabletop.

"Is Teddy coming to the match?" Alice asked.

I stiffened. "Don't know."

Once again, I forced myself to focus on breakfast and not looking up at her.

"Oh, no. Please do not tell me you haven't spoken to Teddy since he stormed out of the Leaky Cauldron back in December," Alice groaned.

I hesitated. "Okay, I won't tell you."

" _James!"_

I cringed at her sheer volume. "Don't lecture me, Ace," I murmured, shaking my head. "I've already been lectured once today by my mother. I'm in no mood to hear it from you, too."

"You're going to die a very lonely man, Potter."

I glanced up from my eggs hesitantly, surprised to see a smile tugging at the end of her lips. "Nah, I won't. I'll always have you."

She offered me a smile. "I don't know, I'm thinking I'll get bored of you around my thirties and move on to find a new best friend."

I gaped at her. "There's no bloody way you could ever get bored of me. I'm a hoot. An all-around entertainment fiend. Chaotic and spontaneous all rolled into one. I'm-"

"I'm thinking of moving on to a new best friend _now_ ," she replied with a smirk, forcing us both into laughter.

Dash and Shayne showed up at breakfast a few minutes later bickering about Herbology homework. "But _why_ am I supposed to care about venomous cactuses?" Dash whined.

"I believe the plural of cactus is actually cacti."

Everyone at the table, including myself, was shocked to find that those words came from my mouth.

"Oh, Merlin," I whined, "A whole week of actually paying attention to schoolwork is rubbing off on me."

"About time," Shayne smirked.

I glared at her. "Says the girl who apparently cares about venomous cacti?"

"They're fascinating. The fruit is filled with lethal juices and yet when you mix those juices with certain potion ingredients, the venom evaporates and you're left with healing qualities. I mean, how fascinating is that?"

I glanced over at Dash who was rolling his eyes. "Er…very? I guess?"

"It is," she laughed. "C'mon, back me up, Alice."

Alice glanced up from her breakfast sheepishly. "Er…well, I would except I've been hearing about plants my whole life from Daddy Dearest and it gets kinda old fast."

Shayne threw her hands in the hair. "All of you are hopeless."

"Well, yeah," Dash drawled. "I'm fairly certain you figured that out years ago."

Shayne rolled her eyes. "I swear sometimes you just like to argue with me for the sake of arguing."

"This isn't even a real argument," Dash groaned. "It's a conversation about plants. _Plants_. Can't we at least find something more fascinating to argue about? Like Quidditch!"

"Now that's something worth arguing about," I smirked.

"Oh, for Merlin's sake," Shayne growled, "Not everything in this goddamned world is about your precious Quidditch."

"You hold your tongue!" I gasped.

"Lies!" Dash huffed.

"What's this I hear about Quidditch not meaning everything in this world?" a new voice spoke as Jax slid into the Gryffindor bench beside us.

"I really need to find some friends who aren't Quidditch-obsessed," Shayne muttered.

As if on cue, Kenley and Lena wandered into the Great Hall and settled into the bench at the end of the table. Shayne jumped up and said, "Have fun with your Quidditch talk. I'm going to have a conversation with some mature folk."

"Then you might want to find someone other than Kenley Brown!" Dash called out after her, which earned him a glare from her and a laugh from the rest of us.

Jax changed the subject as he reached for a scone. "In case anyone is keeping track, that short-tempered cousin of yours and I are on good terms again," he spoke, looking at me while he spoke.

I snorted. "Yeah, let's see how long that lasts. I give it twenty-four hours and that's being rather generous if you ask me."

Alice shot me a look. "Or you could ask him how they managed to get back on good terms."

I hesitated before glancing back over at Jax. "How did you manage to get back on good terms?"

"Well, it started with me yelling at her," he smirked.

My eyebrow shot up. "And you're not dead?"

He shrugged. "I got tired of her picking fights with me and I just ended up going off on her, telling her it wasn't fair of her to be mad at me just because I like some girl she finds insufferable. Considering she finds most of the school insufferable, that would make my dating prospects rather limited. There was a lot more to it but that was the gist of it."

I blinked. "And once again I wonder how you aren't dead."

He chuckled. "Nah, apparently throwing logic at her was the right way to go. I also reminded her that she snogged Malfoy so she was hardly in a place to judge me."

" _How are you still alive_?"

Laughter rippled through the Gryffindor table as Jax shrugged smugly and piled his plate full of carbs. "She punched me for that comment but followed it up with a laugh so apparently I didn't completely shoot myself in the foot there," he teased when she laughs died down. "Where's Fred?"

I glanced over at Dash. "You were in the room with him last. Was he fighting over the shower with Saint Jessup?"

Dash looked at me quizzically. "He wasn't in the room," he contested. "He left before you did."

I blinked. "No, he didn't. He was still in bed when I left. His hangings were pulled closed."

"Yeah, and when I pulled them open, ready to toss a glass of water in his face in an attempt to wake him up, his bed was empty."

One thing you had to know about Fred was that he worshipped sleep. If he could spend all day in bed, he would. He only ever got himself out of bed at a reasonable time if I forced him to Quidditch practice, if he had to go to class, or…no, wait, those are the only two reasons. He's even turned down girls before who have come looking for a quickie from him on an early Saturday morning.

"That's…" I trailed off.

"Unusual," Alice finished.

I glanced at her with a nod.

"Maybe he got lost on the way to the Great Hall," Jax suggested with a teasing grin.

"Ah, yeah, that makes sense considering he hasn't taken the exact same route to the Great Hall three times a day for exactly six and a half years," I spoke, my words heavily coated in sarcasm.

"It wasn't always three times a day. Sometimes he skipped a meal," Jax spoke with a full mouth of flapjacks.

I shot him a look. "Can you not be such a logical human being this early in the morning?"

He merely grinned and returned to his breakfast.

"If I was to offer a real guess, I'd say a girl was behind Fred's disappearance," Dash commented.

"At eight o'clock in the morning?" I said skeptically.

He shrugged. "Either that or a prank."

"If it was a prank, James would be off preparing with him," Jax pointed out.

"Oh, he _better_ not have found a new pranking partner!" I spoke in mock outrage, slamming my fists against the table.

"Maybe someone shoved him down the stairs," Dash suggested hesitantly. "I mean, isn't your Quidditch match coming up sometime soon?"

" _Sometime soon_?" I drawled irritably. "You haven't memorized our Quidditch schedule, Finnigan? _What kind of Gryffindor are you_?"

He grinned sheepishly. "The kind that enjoys professional Quidditch far more than a silly Hogwarts match?"

" _Silly Hogwarts match_?"

"Quick, take it back before he pushes _you_ down a flight of stairs," Alice hissed at him.

My friends erupted in laughter but I ignored them, instead debating the morality of pushing my roommate down a flight of stairs.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Neville apparently found another way to punish me for the fight – perhaps, Mum wrote to him and told him he was being too easy on me – because Herbology class on Thursday had him pairing me up with Hattie.

When he announced our names, both of us froze.

"Ooh, bad luck, mate," Fred murmured beside me.

Alice just frowned.

Me, I was considering jamming my quill straight into my heart and bleeding out in the middle of greenhouse #4.

I glanced across the room and met Hattie's gaze. She stared at me for a few uninterrupted seconds before gathering her things and slowly making her way over to me.

Hattie said nothing as she took occupancy of the stool Fred had been previously sitting in before he went to join Kye at her table. Awkward tension danced between Hattie and myself as we stared at the materials at our station consisting of a venomous cactus, elbow-length gloves, safety goggles, a pair of shears, and an empty canister.

"So," Hattie eventually said, clearing her throat, "We're supposed to transfer the cactus fruit into the canister?"

"Without getting the juice on our skin, yeah. I think that's the idea."

"Right, because the juice is so poisonous that any of it making direct contact with your skin could potentially kill you."

"A great way to start the day, don't you think?"

She looked at me out of the corner of her eye with a smirk. "I suddenly miss those screaming mandrake plants."

I cracked a smile. "It's almost as if our professors think that as we get older that means we can handle potentially life-threatening lessons. Meanwhile, I'd be perfectly content never having to cross something that could, oh I don't know, _kill me in cold blood_."

Hattie laughed, her eyes locking with mine. She hesitated before saying, "This doesn't have to be weird, James."

I frowned. "It doesn't have to be, but it is," I murmured, glancing at her curiously. "It's not like we left things on a positive note."

"Are you referring to the part where you kicked me out of your house or when you called me an arse?" she drawled.

"You called me an arse first," I fired back.

"Because you were being one."

"And you weren't?"

She sighed and turned away from me, chewing curiously on the inside of her lip. "What were you and Alice fighting about?"

Talk about your random segue.

"So we're just not going to talk about how we left things over the break?" I questioned.

She shrugged. "What's there to talk about? I had my opinion, you had yours," she drawled. "Considering how stubborn we both can be, I don't see either one of us conceding so I figured dropping the subject was a better use of our time."

"Your opinion was wrong," I scowled.

"Thank you for proving my point, Mr. Stubborn," she snorted. "And speaking of being stubborn, you going to tell me what you and Alice were fighting about or continue to avoid the subject?"

"I'm thinking of going with the latter."

She shot me an impatient look. "That bad, hm?"

I rolled my eyes. "It was nothing," I lied. "Stupid really."

"If it really was stupid, you wouldn't have stopped talking to each other for a week straight."

I growled. "I'm not doing this," I spoke firmly, shaking my head. "I'm not having yet another conversation with someone about her or you. It's over. It's done. Why am I the only one who doesn't want to dwell on it?"

Her eyebrow spiked immediately. "You've been having conversations about me?"

Shit. "No."

She frowned. "With Alice?"

Shit. "No."

"James."

I looked at her with a sigh. "You might have come up," I murmured. "But like I said, it's over, it's done. So how about we work on not killing ourselves over a rather harmless-looking plant?"

I reached for the gloves but she stopped me, placing her hand on my forearms. "What were you two fighting about?" she asked again.

"It wasn't you if that's what you're thinking," I spoke, though I realized then that that was only part of the truth. While the overlying arch of our argument had to do with the foundation of our friendship, the reason that that had been questioned at first was because of Hattie. And while Alice and I have since made up, it only just occurred to me that I never thought to ask Alice exactly why my relationship, or lack thereof, with Hattie had been any cause for her to be upset in the first place.

Hattie merely nodded. "I'm sorry if it was," she muttered.

" _It wasn't_."

She nodded again, this time more absentmindedly as it was clear something was weighing on her mind. "Okay," she murmured with a shrug. "Whatever it was, I guess I'm just glad you two made up."

I hesitated. "You guess?"

She shrugged, her eyes focusing on the plant in front of her so as not to look at me. "I could see how unhappy you were without her so I'm happy that you're happy again."

There was something she wasn't saying. "But?"

"No but."

"I distinctly detected a but."

She hesitated, enough to tell me my detection skills were on point.

"But," she eventually murmured guiltily, "I didn't hate knowing that even you and Alice have your share of problems."

My eyebrow went up. "What?"

She continued to avoid looking at me. "You two always seemed so bloody perfect. You never fought. Ever. You're unwaveringly loyal to each other, rarely separated. You have this way of reading each other's minds and finishing each other's sentences and thoughts. The friendship that you share is one that everyone strives for, that everyone covets, that everyone wishes they had. It's inspirational but at the same time, it's intimidating and somewhat disheartening to know that no one else could ever, or will ever, measure up to what you have."

I gaped at her, confused and surprised by her unexpected words. "Why do I get the sense that while you say no one else could measure up to us you actually mean that you could never measure up?"

Hattie shrugged, an awkward look passing over her expression. "You know where I stand on that."

I sighed. This was hardly the conversation I expected, or even wanted, to have when Neville paired us up but I figured she deserved an answer and not just my usual deflection. "We did not part ways because of her," I practically pleaded. "We parted ways because of the Code, Hattie. That's it. It sucks, it really does, but that's all there is to it. Don't turn it into anything more."

She nodded hesitantly, though I could tell she was just going through the motion more than she actually agreed with me. "I think it's actually easier for me to blame it on Alice than it is the Code," she muttered guiltily.

Those words confused me even more because I would have assumed that allowing something that was out of our control to put a stop to things was better than to think I might have chosen another girl over her.

"Why?" was all I asked.

She said nothing for a long time, almost too long, but I said nothing and waited it out.

"Because then at least I'd know that you really do have a heart underneath your hard exterior," she murmured. "And maybe, just maybe, that means you really did care."

I felt a genuine apprehension in her voice, which made me feel both confused and guilt. "I cared about you, Hattie," I urged, instinctively reaching over to place my hand on her forearm. "I did. Please don't ever think I didn't."

She offered me a small smile. "Thank you," she said sincerely. Hesitating, she added, "It's okay to care about Alice, too, y'know."

My brow furrowed. "Of course I care about her. She's my best friend."

Hattie smirked. "That's not what I meant."

Oh, Merlin, not this again.

"Don't make me squirt you with cactus juice."

She let out a light laugh. "I imply there could be something more between you and Alice and you threaten me with _death_?"

"It wouldn't be a lot of cactus juice. Just enough to put you in the hospital for a day or two."

She laughed again. "How very thoughtful of you," she teased.

I grinned and glanced over at the cactus that I swear was now mocking me. "Well, I suppose we should start on the assignment, shouldn't we."

She made a face as she looked warily at the plant. "Yeah, I suppose," she sighed. Glancing at me out of the corner of her eye, she said, "But James?"

"Hm?"

"I hope you know that it's okay to listen to your heart every once and a while and give your head a break."

The tension in the air turned thick at those very wide and accurate words. For she and I both knew that my head has always talked me out of going after anything my heart might have wanted.

Not knowing what I was supposed to say to that, I glanced down at the plant and said, "You grab the bowl, I'll grab the gloves."

She sighed but nodded.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"So how was it?" Fred asked as we traipsed off to lunch after class. "Weird? Dreadful? Cathartic? Awk-"

"What exactly are you referring to here, Freddo?" I sighed.

Alice rolled her eyes while Fred snorted. "Don't play dumb, James. That's why we keep Jessup around."

"I didn't realize we had a choice in the matter," I commented. "If we did, I certainly wouldn't be choosing to keep the prick around."

"Stop avoiding my question."

I rolled my eyes before stealing a glance towards Alice who looked incredibly interested in my response to his question. "If you're referring to my partnership with Hattie in class, it was fine," I said vaguely.

When I said nothing more, Fred spoke once more. "Seriously? That's all you're going to give us?"

"There's nothing to tell," I sighed. "If anyone should be on the opposite end of an interrogation squad right now, it should be you."

He blinked before sharing a look with Alice, who merely shrugged. Glancing back at me, Fred asked, "Alright, I'll bite. _Why_ do I need to be interrogated?"

"Because you disappeared this morning before the bloody crack of dawn, that's why," I shot back. "I wasn't even aware you knew there was such thing as a seven o'clock in the morning."

"You hold practices at six in the morning at least twice a week."

" _You know what I mean_."

Fred shrugged, running his fingers through his hair rather awkwardly. "I needed to send a letter to Dad. He's considering other franchise locations and was looking for my opinion."

"And that was a seven-o'clock-in-the-morning job?" Alice responded curiously.

"He's meeting with a couple guys out in France tomorrow so yeah, it was somewhat urgent," he murmured, shaking his head grimly.

Alice and I shared a look, uncertain what to make of Fred's sullen indifference. "Your tone tells me you might be against this," I took a stab in the dark.

Fred stole a glance towards me before shrugging. "If we expand into the French market, he wants me to manage those locations."

Alice and I exchanged another confused look. "Isn't that what you always wanted?" I asked. "To manage your own franchise of shops?"

Fred sighed. "Yeah, but I always assumed the shops I'd be managing would be in England."

He seemed genuinely put off by the idea of moving to a foreign country, which struck me as odd considering just a few years ago Alice, Fred, and I had often discussed the idea of becoming famous Quidditch players in foreign markets. I had reveled in that dream because it got me away from my family. Alice had reveled in that dream because she had always wanted to travel the world. Fred had reveled in that dream because it meant exotic women fawning over him.

I guess foreign women no longer had the same appeal.

"Aw, are you afraid you'll miss me oh so much across the English Channel?" I teased, placing my cousin in a headlock and ruffling his hair.

"Argh, quit it!" he said, shoving me off with a laugh. "You'll be the one missing the rest of us when you're off jetsetting around the world as some famous Quidditch player."

I grinned. "Ooh, I like the sound of that."

Alice rolled her eyes at the both of us. "None of us know what's going to happen come June. Everything is still very much up in the air. Why don't we just enjoy what little time we have left as unrestricted teenagers who can hope for nothing but the world at our fingertips once we leave these hallways?"

Fred glanced down at her before draping his arm around her shoulders with a smile. "Hear, hear."

I smiled, too, though it suddenly struck me then that I never heard more from Alice about her potential after-school plans and whether she was going to pursue Quidditch or cater to her sister's desires and work beside AJ at the pub.

Since I was never one for subtlety, I blurted out, "Did you ever talk more to AJ about your post-Hogwarts plans, Ace?"

She frowned when she met my gaze. "No. We pretty much spent the rest of break pretending that elephant didn't exist," she murmured, "Hence why I want to enjoy my last few months here at Hogwarts. Because who knows what's in store for me. For any of us. Graduation may be just around the corner but it's not here yet. So let's not be too much in a hurry to grow up when we don't even fully know what we'll be growing up for."

I smiled at her but it was Fred who responded. "Who said James was planning to grow up at all?"

He was right of course but I still flipped him off.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I wandered into the common room later that week to find Fred and Rose having some sort of argument while Alice and Jax just sat off to the side with their respective homework in their laps, clearly ignoring whatever my two cousins were fighting about.

"She's _boring_. And to top it off, she's not even that good-looking."

"Well, then, I guess it's a good thing _you're_ not dating her," Rose huffed.

"Dare I ask who?" I interrupted as I leaned up against the back of the couch.

"Better than you don't," Alice chimed in but she was cut off by Rose.

"Kat," said Rose. "And Fred is being a complete ponce about her."

"I am not! I'm just stating an opinion," he huffed.

"If your opinion is that she's boring and not that good-looking, that's really more of a fact, don't you think?" I mused.

As the others stifled their laughter, Rose glared at me. "Well, your biased opinion can hardly be considered any sort of voice of reason."

"Okay, one, when has anything I ever said been considered any sort of voice of reason?" I mused. "And two, how exactly is my opinion biased?"

"Gee, let's think, perhaps because you choose to be against anything and everything your brother stands for?" she drawled.

"I don't choose to be against it. It's just that everything he stands for is stupid."

Fred stifled a laugh, earning a quick glare from Rose before she returned her attention back on me. "Yeah, how stupid of him to actually appreciate his girlfriend."

"A girlfriend who is boring and not very good-looking. I thought we went over this already?"

That time, Fred didn't even bother to hide his laughter while Rose scowled and said, "I know this gets said plenty to you, James, but I feel like it needs to be said again: _you're an idiot_."

I rolled my eyes. "Anyone else think Rose is spending just a little too much time around us?"

"Me," Fred said, throwing his hand into the air.

I looked at Jax for continued confirmation but he remained mute as he focused on his notes. So I did the only mature thing I could and grabbed them away from him. "Hey!" he scoffed.

"Ahem, you going to join in on this conversation?" I huffed.

Jax shot me a look. "You're kidding, right? I just got on your cousin's good side. I am not looking to change that."

"Good answer," Rose teased, patting him teasingly on the head.

I considered his words before shrugging. "Which pretty much means you, too, think that Kat is boring and not that good-looking but you're just too cowardly to admit it."

"Pretty much, yeah."

Rose let out a groan. "Kat is perfectly nice," she scowled. "She's sweet and genuine and-"

"You do know that people use words like 'nice' and 'sweet' to describe a girl who lacks a real personality," I smirked. "Hm, she and my brother are perfect together I suppose."

"Just because Al isn't as loud and in-your-face as you always are doesn't mean he lacks personality," Rose growled. "It just happens to be a different one."

"Or not one at all."

"Yeah," Fred interceded before Rose could yell at me, "I mean, why do you think you've been hanging around us more than Al lately?"

"Because you bozos happen to be in my common room and he isn't."

"Or it's because we make better company," I teased.

"Well that's definitely not it," she drawled as she swiftly pulled herself off the couch. "I'm going to go find Harley before this conversation makes me hex every single one of you."

"I hope not me," Alice finally spoke as she lifted her gaze out of her notes.

Rose shrugged. "You willingly choose to hang out with these bozos. A good hex to the brain might do you some good."

She departed then, leaving us with only our laughter to keep us company.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

That Friday night coincided with some Ravenclaw's birthday so half of the school decided that that was reason enough to throw a party on the Quidditch pitch. Heat lamps had been the first priority quickly followed by a collection of various students' alcoholic contraband.

"We really need to restock our liquor cabinet," I said, tossing a black sweater over my head.

"We don't have a liquor cabinet," Fred pointed out.

"Okay, then we really need to restock our liquor trunk."

Fred smirked. "We drank it all playing poker earlier in the week."

"Yes, I know, hence why I said _we need to restock_."

I ducked as Fred's shoe came tumbling towards me.

"Nice use of the word 'hence,' mate," he snickered, wandering into the bathroom to wash his face.

"I thought so," I said, dropping on to the edge of my bed with a yawn. "Oy, whose birthday is it tonight anyway?"

"Er…don't know," he called out from the bathroom. "Andrew? Annie? Anthony? Oh, maybe a Veronica?"

I blinked. "How do you go from three A names to a V name?"

"Do you really want to question how my mind works, Potter?"

I shuddered at the very thought.

The door opened and both Parker and Dash walked in, arguing about something I knew I probably didn't care about.

"Cattermole definitely didn't smile at you, Jessup," Dash argued. "When has she ever smiled at you?"

"I'm telling you, she's into me."

"I'm telling you, you're a moron."

"We've known that for years, Finnigan," I chimed in.

Parker shot me a dirty look. "Says the guy who willingly gave up his sure-thing shagmate. And _I'm_ the moron?"

"Didn't even realize you knew the meaning of the word 'shag,' Virgin Mary."

Parker rolled his eyes. "Tell me, Potter, have you ever not been an utter douchebag?"

"Sure. For about five minutes when I was six," I smirked. I turned towards the bathroom and called out, "C'mon, Fred, your face has to be clean by now!"

"Shut your pie hole, Potter," he called back. "Being fashionably late is all the rage now."

I was about to retort but Parker cut me off. "Fashionably late to what?"

"Were we talking to you?" I retaliated, pulling myself off my bed with the roll of my eyes. "You coming, Dash?"

"Yeah, but I told Shayne I'd wait for her," he grumbled.

My eyebrow shot up. "He says in an ecstatic fashion."

He shrugged. "I spent my entire free period arguing with her today."

"About what?"

"You name it, we fought about it," he muttered. "All I know is, I really need this party tonight."

"Oh for Merlin's sake, are you seriously going to _another_ party?" Parker snapped, ever the detective. "Do any of you know how to have fun without the use of alcohol?"

"Do you know how to have fun _period_?" Fred retorted, walking out of the bathroom. "Do us all a favor, Jessup, and find some nerdy girl to occupy your time with because these all-alone-on-a-Friday-night reoccurrences is getting pathetic, even for you."

"And no," Dash chimed in, "Lena Cattermole is not that girl because I guarantee she's not into you."

I couldn't help but burst into laughter. "You actually think you have a shot with Cattermole?" I cackled, finding amusement in the way Parker's eyes flared with anger. "Oh, I almost want you to ask her out so I can watch her completely annihilate you."

"Actually, I was thinking about seeing what Hattie Wilkes was up to. She must be desperate if she shagged you for a year."

Oh, he did not just say that.

Fred was smart enough to grab the back of my sweater before I could pummel our fourth roommate. "C'mon, James, let's just go," he suggested. "You can't afford another fist fight."

My eyes narrowed as Parker smirked at me. "Fine, then you punch him, Freddo," I snapped.

My cousin merely rolled his eyes.

"You do realize that he just insinuated he'd have to find someone completely desperate in order for them to be interested in him, right?" Dash contemplated.

I hesitated before breaking out into a grin. "Ah, I love it when Jessup insults himself so that I don't have to."

"If you're back after curfew, I'm putting you into a week's worth of nightly detention," Parker responded before storming over to the bathroom and slamming the door shut.

I shrugged as Fred and I headed towards the door. "Guess we're all staying in Alice's room tonight then."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"Er…and _why_ are three full-grown men shacking up in my bed tonight?" Alice asked.

"One word, Ace: _Fucking Jessup_."

"That's two words, mate," Fred smirked.

"And it definitely doesn't answer my question," Alice sighed.

"I don't see why you're so against this, Ace," I deflected. "Most girls would kill to have three incredibly handsome men sharing the sheets with them."

"Most girls would," she drawled. "But I don't see three incredibly handsome men anywhere near me."

She jumped out of the way when I attempted to swat at her. "I'm going to need me a drink in my hand if you're going to insult me all night," I sighed. "Maybe even two." Grinning at her, I draped my arms around her shoulders and steered us towards the drink table.

"So remind me again why you're apparently spending the night in my room?" Alice sighed.

I reached for the halo-gin. "Jackass Jessup pretty much told us we'd pay if we came back after curfew. Normally, I don't give a shit. I practically live in detention so it's hardly threat-worthy anymore. However, I'm already on night-time detention duty until Sunday and I really can't afford anything more cutting into our practice schedule."

"Ah, how positively responsible of you," she teased, elbowing me in the side.

"Yeah, except for the shacking up overnight with a girl part," I teased right back.

"Like we haven't done that before," she pointed out with a shrug as I handed her a cup of gin and seltzer.

"True," I said with my own shrug, "But I'm just waiting for the day where your father tells me I'm no longer allowed to spoon his daughter in her bed."

She nearly choked on her drink. "When have the two of us ever spooned?"

"It was a figure of speech," I argued dismissively.

"Since _when_?" she laughed and I could only laugh with her for I didn't have an answer to that question.

"Ah, look," an all-too-familiar voice spoke nearby. "My brother's rightful place in life. Right by the drink table."

I turned to my left as Albus strolled up, his arm in Kat's. "Ah, look. My brother's rightful place in life," I drawled. "Being yanked around by some blonde chick."

"It's dirty blonde," Kat drawled.

I rolled my eyes. "Heard you two just celebrated your two-year anniversary. Congratulations on being the world's most boring couple."

"Better than being the couple that's yesterday's news. How's Hattie doing anyway?" Albus retaliated.

"She and I were never a bloody couple, you annoying gnat."

"Ah, but apparently you wanted to be," he said curiously.

Fucking hell. He knew about that, too?

"Stop talking to Rose about me," I snapped.

"Stop giving us things to talk about," he fired back.

"And I think it's time we end the petty portion of the evening," Alice finally chimed in with a hopeful smile. "Good-bye, Al. Good-bye, Kat."

Albus glanced up at Alice curiously before returning his gaze on to me. "I heard Dad's coming to your match."

"Yeah, I guess he's just interested in seeing what a winning son looks like," I smirked.

"And apparently the petty portion of the evening is continuing," Alice murmured to herself.

"Though I'm more interested in knowing why Teddy isn't coming," Albus responded to me, his eyebrow creeping upward in a curious fashion.

I frowned. "How do you know that?"

"You're not the only Potter who writes to him."

I felt slight shame bubbling around in my heart. Turning towards Alice with a sigh, I said, "Alright, petty portion over now."

I grabbed a near-full bottle of firewhisky off the table and disappeared into the crowd. I heard soft footsteps behind me a few seconds later and knew Alice had followed.

"You could write to him, y'know," she eventually spoke as we made ourselves under the bleachers.

I glanced down at the bottle in my head and took a hefty swig of it, grimacing as the burning liquid seared my throat. "Or I could get drunk off firewhisky."

Alice offered me a lopsided smile full of sympathy as she grabbed the bottle from my hand and took a sip herself. "Compromise. We'll get drunk off firewhisky tonight and you can write to Teddy tomorrow."

"Compromise. We'll get drunk off firewhisky tonight and spend all day in bed tomorrow nursing a hangover."

"How is that a compromise?"

"It's not, but there's more chance of mine happening than yours."

She tried not to outward signs of amusement but the edges of her mouth turned upward. "How about we just spend tonight having fun without any other cares in the world and we'll worry about tomorrow when the time comes?"

I smiled at her. "That sounds like the best plan yet."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"Lookie who we have here. CJ, CJ, CJ," I slurred, tossing my arm around his shoulders. "Ohhhhh, good ol' CJ."

The fourth year looked up at me with cautious eyes. "Er…hi, James."

"Hi yourself," I said dismissively. "I think the time has come for me and you to have a little chat."

He looked slightly ill. "Do we have to?"

I ignored him. "Let's get straight to the point. You're dating my sister. Lily. Lily Potter. Lily Luna Potter to be exact."

"Uh, yeah, I'm pretty sure I know her name by now," he muttered.

I ignored him again. "She's one of a kind, mate. Truly incredible. Beautiful and smart and funny and she has this annoying smile that can pretty much have you doing anything for her, the little minx. She's a hot commodity, my sister, and for some reason she chose you which must mean you have to be somewhat decent or she would have found someone else to swoon over."

"Er…thanks? I think."

"So with that all said, let's just be clear about one little thing," I spoke, pulling my arm off his shoulder and turning to glare at him. "If you make my sister cry, if she so much as sheds one tear over you, I will hunt you down and break your legs. If you hurt her in any way, I will hunt you down and break your legs. If you disrespect her or say one wrong thing to her, I will hunt you down and break your legs. If you toy with her or even attempt to break her heart, I'll-"

"Let me guess," he murmured, "Hunt me down and break my legs?"

"Yes and then I'll break your arms, I'll snap your neck, and I will kick you in the face until it's an unrecognizable bloody mess and then I will laugh at you and throw you off the highest cliff I can find," I said with a maniacal little grin. "So, tell me, do we have an understanding, Colton James Wood?"

He said nothing at first, staring at me with an unexpected fierceness in his eyes. He slowly nodded and then cleared his throat. "We do," he spoke softly. "But just so you know, you can threaten me and bully me and hex me all you want, James, but I'm not going anywhere. I care about Lily more than I've ever cared about anything and there's not a chance in hell I'm ever going to do anything to jeopardize that."

I glanced down at my chaser through my already drunken haze and slowly nodded. "Y'know what, Wood? You might actually be a decent bloke. Don't make me change my mind about that."

He nodded and an awkward tension danced between us. "Er…can I go now?"

"Yeah, but keep your lips away from my sister's when I'm around, won't you?"

He grinned sheepishly before taking off. I watched him meet back up with Lily, who was actually glaring at me across the way (I had a feeling I'd be in for a lecture from her in the forthcoming days about my overprotective nature). Tearing my eyes off of her, I noticed for a brief moment that Alice was currently on the dance floor with Rudy. I wondered how many rumors might spark up about her after tonight, though I was less concerned about that and more concerned about Rudy's hands getting a tad too intimate with Alice's waist. I felt a possessive flutter churn my stomach as I glared over at them but for once, I didn't immediately charge over to them and tell the Head Boy off. I stayed where I was knowing that if Rudy made her happy, it was not my place to intervene no matter how weird I felt about it.

Uh-oh. That sounded far too mature to come out of my mind.

I had to force myself to turn away from the duo which is when I noticed Zig Keppler dancing way too close to my cousin.

Well, if I couldn't antagonize Rudy for getting far too close with Alice, I might as well antagonize Zig for being inches away from Roxanne.

"Oy, kid, I need a word with you!" I drawled, grabbing the cuff of his shirt and dragging him away from Roxanne.

"Hey!" she cried. "What the hell are-"

"This doesn't concern you, Rox," I said with a grin. "Go find a friend to play with, hm?"

" _What the hell is your problem, James_?"

"No problem," I argued, clapping my arm around the boy's shoulders. He was smart enough to remain quiet. "Just trying to get to know your young lad here, that's all."

She crossed her arms over her body, a murderous look in her eye. "Just because Fred has disappeared doesn't mean you should be filling in as familial _douchebag_."

My eyes narrowed. "And how do you know Fred has disappeared? Making sure he isn't around before planting your lips on this a-hole?"

It was possible her glare became even more deadly. "No, because he already gave a lecture to Zig about keeping himself five feet away from me at all times and he had eyes everywhere even when he isn't around. That was right before he took off."

I found it strange that Fred would have abandoned a party, but Zig interrupted my thoughts before I could consider this further. "I hope you know that you and Fred can breathe down my neck as much as you want, but I don't plan on going anywhere."

I growled before letting go of him. "Bloody hell, you sound like CJ," I muttered. Glancing at the boy, whose eyes held nerves, I said, "Just remember that Fred and I have eyes and ears everywhere."

He looked at me hesitantly before deciding it was in his best interest to just nod.

"Now get going before I decide to hex you," I suggested.

He grabbed Roxy's hand (I scowled) and took off into the crowd. Meanwhile, I glanced around on a frantic search for Fred who I was convinced still had to be around somewhere.

"Who you looking for?"

I glanced to my left as Alice sauntered up to me. She stopped in front of me, slightly swaying as she did so. That told me she was getting as good and drunk as I was. "Have you seen Fred?"

She thought about my question before shaking my head. "Not recently."

I frowned. "Apparently he took off."

She took a sip of her near-empty drink. "I'm sure he had a reason."

"Mm," I muttered, glancing down at my empty drink and making a face. Looking back over at her, I said, "Saw you dancing with the Head Boy."

She peeked at me out of the corner of her eye. "He has a name."

"I think he likes you."

She rolled her eyes. "Don't try to play matchmaker, Jay. Especially not when you're drunk."

"Me drunk? Nah, I'm sober. Totally sober, Ace. Stone-cold sober," I smirked. "Hey, where did that phrase come from anyway? I mean, why is it that a cold stone is sober? Why not a hot stone? Or a lukewarm stone? Or a-"

"Please stop talking now," she giggled.

"Sorry, don't know how to do that," I teased. "Now back to this whole you and Rudy scenario."

"There is no me and Rudy scenario," she sighed.

I was torn between doing a gleeful jig and interrogating her further.

I went with the latter.

"What's stopping you?"

She shot me a curious look. "It's amazing how you can spend seventeen years completely against any and all of my dating possibilities and now you actually seem interested in my dating possibilities. What's your agenda, Potter?"

It was a good question, one I was convinced couldn't be answered by referring to a possible newfound maturity, but it was very unlike me to even care about who she may be interested in or even who may be interested in her. Usually, my immediate reaction was one of violence and aggression and negativity. And yet I wasn't responding with any of those now.

After I had realized how much of herself she had unwillingly and unknowingly given to me and not to others, I wanted to give her the chance to live her life, not just ours. She deserved to find happiness wherever she could get it from. Even if that meant getting it from somewhere other than me.

(But don't be fooled. The idea of her and Rudy still made me want to punch him in the face. I've just apparently learned how to restrain myself from actually doing so.)

"No agenda," I eventually said with a shrug. "I just think you're awesome and I suppose other people should get to see that, too. Just don't forget about little ol' bachelor-for-life me when you and Rudy get married and pop out a bunch of kiddos, 'kay?"

An odd look passed across her face. "You don't have to be a bachelor for life, Jay."

"Nah, there's only one girl for me and she's apparently already taken by Rudy Frankel," I said with a teasing wink.

"Stop," she said crisply, shaking her head at me. "I am _not_ the only girl out there for you, Jay. So stop saying that I am."

Her curt words surprised me, as I was expecting her to contest the second part of my comment, not the first. "Er…I mean, it's kinda true, don't you think?"

She sent me a stern look before finishing off her drink. "Were you or were you not into Hattie?"

Fuck, not this again.

"For all of five minutes," I groaned. "Clearly she wasn't the girl for me or I would have fought for her harder."

Alice's eyebrow shot up almost immediately. "Oh, so you'll know when the right girl comes along because you'd give up Quidditch for her?" she responded, with a hint of jest in her tone.

I knew it was meant as a joke but I couldn't help but consider the answer to her question. "I'm not exactly the settling type," I reminded her and before she could counter, I hastily said, "But if I were then I guess the answer to your question is, yes. I'll know it's the right girl if that means having to choose her over the one thing I love most in this world."

Her eyes widened just slightly at my unexpected confession before a proud smile broke out on her face. "And here I thought _I_ was the one thing you loved most in the world," she teased, reaching up to ruffle my hair.

I scowled and swatted her away. "You are, but there's not a chance in hell I'd let some girl get between us so that's really a moot point, don't you think?"

A thick cloud of tension suddenly flared up between us as silence befell us. Alice stared at me, her eyes full of gratitude, and I stared back, smiling at her as if I had just said the most obvious thing in the world. "Has anyone ever told you that you have a real way with words?" she sighed.

I smiled. "Only around you, Ace Ace baby," I retorted with a wink. "But that's because you bring out the best in me."

We grinned at each other before welcoming an interruption from noneother than the Head Boy.

"So glad to see you two back to your normal ways," Rudy said, nodding at both of us. "I was spending way too much time with Alice here. She was beginning to get on my nerves."

Alice smacked him in the arm as he laughed at his own joke. "Hey, I am wonderful company, thank you very much," she huffed.

Rudy chuckled. "I suppose you're not too bad," he said with a mere nod. "Does said wonderful company want to join me back on the dance floor? Kye is over there trying to convince Dale to do a few back flips so we may have a front-row seat to the Dale-breaks-all-his-bones-in-his-body circus act."

I glanced over at the crowd of people in the middle of the pitch with a smirk as Alice laughed beside me. "Nothing like a major injury to say happy birthday to…er, whose birthday is it again?" I said sheepishly.

"Angie something," Rudy said with a shrug.

" _Anabel_ ," Alice groaned.

"Right, that," he teased. "So, you coming?"

He gestured towards the dance floor and Alice nodded, tossing me her empty drink before disappearing. I now had two empty drinks and a thirst for more.

As if on cue, Dash wandered up to me with two drinks in hand.

"Ooh, are one of those for me?" I asked eagerly.

"No," he growled. "If I'm going to get through tonight, I'm going to need both of these."

My eyebrow popped up. "Uh-oh, what now?"

"Shayne," he mumbled. "She's driving me up a wall right now."

"I hear girls can do that," I said with a jesting grin but when I saw the irritated glare on his face, I removed all jokes from my repertoire. "What's going on with you two?"

Dash took a large gulp of one of the nearly-full cups and said, "It's been one big fight all day and then we get to this party and I figured we'd just have a good time but it's like she's determined to make me miserable."

I hesitated. "Yeah, that didn't really explain anything."

Dash shrugged. "It's not like you really want to know."

Most of me didn't but I could see just how upset Dash was and since I wasn't a complete douchebag, most of the time anyway, I said, "I wouldn't have asked if I didn't want to know."

Dash stole a peek at me, one filled with curious bewilderment, and said, "Well, I don't know if you're aware of this but half the male population at this school has their eyes on Hattie now that she's no longer tied to you."

I blinked in surprise. "She was never really mine to begin with," I spoke hesitantly, "And what the hell does that have to do with Shayne?"

He shrugged. "Hattie and I were chatting Quidditch stats and Shayne decided she was jealous that I was focusing my attention on a hot, newly-single girl."

" _She was always single_ ," I groaned. "And shouldn't Shayne know that you'd never do anything with Hattie because for some crazy reason, you love Shayne?"

Dash frowned. "You want the truth?" he muttered.

I sighed. "Yeah, sure, why not."

"There was a small part of me that would have much preferred to be snogging Hattie than arguing with an irrational Shayne."

I grimaced before shrugging. "Oh, don't read anything into that. I think most guys would prefer snogging to arguing," I reassured him, clapping him on the back.

He just sighed and subtly searched through the crowd full of people for what I presumed was his girlfriend.

"She's on the dance floor with Hutchinson," I said, nodding to where Shayne was currently laughing with the Hufflepuff.

Dash's eyes narrowed. "Oh, sure, I'm not allowed to talk to another girl but she's allowed to dance with some other guy? Bloody hell, why are girls so infuriating all the time?" he swore, chugging the rest of one drink before dropping the empty cup into my stacked empty cups and taking off.

That officially brought me up to a count of three empty cups and zero full ones.

"Hey there, stud."

I stiffened as Kenley came up beside me. She handed me a drink. "I noticed you were empty."

I looked at her warily. "What did you put in it?"

She rolled her eyes. "What, you think I drugged it or something?"

"That or slipped Amortentia into it."

She blinked. "I don't need the use of a love potion to seduce a guy, James."

She had a point. Her shiny brown hair and her perky breasts did enough of that as it was, though her tedious personality was often a deterrent.

I decided to risk it and took a sip of the drink.

"So back in good graces with your bestie, hm?"

I sent a sideways glance towards the other Gryffindor. "What's it to you?"

She shrugged. "I thought you might have taken what I said seriously."

I don't know why I decided to indulge her (probably the alcohol talking), but I said, "I did. Right before she told me I was being preposterous."

She looked at me, a hint of a smirk on her lips.

"What?" I sighed.

"Of course she's going to say that," Kenley said, flipping her hair over her shoulder with a shrug, "She can't imagine her life without you just like you can't imagine yours without her."

I gaped at her. "Then why did you tell me it might be in both of our interests to take a step back from each other?"

"I never said that."

" _It was implied_."

Kenley looked at me curiously. "And you actually listened to me?" she spoke in slight awe. "Why, when you've never particularly cared what I said before?"

I just scowled at her, trying to figure out how the hell I got roped into not one but two conversations with Kenley Brown within a two-week period.

"Oh," she said, interrupting the stream of insults I was throwing her way in my head, "Because you felt deep down that there was some truth to what I was saying. It wasn't me you were listening to, it was yourself."

"Alright, could we possibly not get all philosophical while we're five…er, eight drinks in?" I sighed.

She shrugged. "You want to know what I think?"

"No."

"You two either just need to sever ties or just start dating each other because this whole co-dependent friendship thing you've got going is getting a tad suffocating, don't you think?"

I could only shake my head in disbelief. "You are spending way too much time analyzing the friendship of two people who don't particularly enjoy your company, Brown."

She only laughed. That really irritated me. Has this girl always been unflappable?

"Though it appears you've somehow learned how to loosen the reins around her a bit," she said, nodding towards the dance floor where the pair had teamed up with some of the other Hufflepuffs. "You would have normally found a way to hex Frankel by now."

"They're just dancing," I said, rolling my eyes.

She let out another laugh. "Like that's ever stopped you before."

"Well, it has now. That stupid rumor going around about them isn't true. Nothing is going on between them," I sighed. "They're co-Heads. And friends I suppose."

Kenley's eyebrow shot up. "What rumor?"

"The one about the two of them getting caught snogging in the hallway."

She blinked in confusion before slowly shaking her head. "I never heard that rumor."

That was a tad strange since Kenley always immersed herself in whatever gossip train was riding around the hallways. "Oh. Well, it doesn't matter because it-"

"Lena!" Kenley called out, cutting me off.

I groaned. One of them was bad enough. Now I had to endure both of them?

Lena skipped over to us with her latest boy-toy Ike Mitchell. "Hey, James," she greeted me, swaying slightly which gave me the very distinct impression she was just as drunk as I was. "So you let Alice off that leash of yours, hm?"

I scowled, but Kenley spoke before I could retort. "Speaking of Longbottom," Kenley said, "Did you hear some rumor going around school about her and Rudy?"

Lena looked confused for a moment before shaking her head. "Nah, don't think I've heard anything regarding the two of them." She glanced up at Ike who was a Hufflepuff and fairly friendly with Rudy. "Did you hear anything, Ike?"

"Like what?"

I was very sorry I brought it up.

Sighing, I said, "They got caught snogging each other apparently."

Ike's eyebrows shot up. "No, I definitely didn't hear about that. And seeing as the guy's my mate, I feel like I would have."

I frowned. "My sources say otherwise."

"Then I'd suggest finding new sources."

Ike grabbed Lena's hand then and took off, leaving me wondering why Fred would tell me there was a rumor going around the school that might not have been going around at all.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

The next thing I remembered was waking up in unfamiliar territory with my face planted into a soft pair of sheets. Taking a quick look at my surroundings, I realized I was in Alice's bedroom and I wasn't the only one. Obviously Alice was there, though she slept on the floor curled up with a blanket over her. I was sharing the bed with Fred and Jax, the former who was at the head of the bed and the latter at the foot of the bed while I was somehow squished in the middle. The last person in the room, to my incredible surprise, was Rose and she, too, was on the floor, though without a blanket or a pillow.

I kicked Jax in the shin as he was closest to my feet.

"Ow!" he said, jumping up. "What the hell was—oh, ow, my head. Head hurts. Head in pain. _Ow, ow, ow_."

He groaned and pulled a pillow over his head.

"How did we get back here?" I asked him, groaning as my own head began throbbing.

"I'm assuming we walked," his muffled voice spoke from underneath the pillow. "Though I suppose flying isn't out of the question."

I kicked him again.

"Ow!" he scowled. "Well, don't ask stupid questions and I won't give you a stupid answer!"

"Will you two please shut up?" a soft murmur came from Fred.

We both turned towards the sleeping body curled up at the headboard. "Where the hell did you take off to last night?" I asked him.

"That doesn't sound like shutting up."

Alice's voice spoke next. "If the three of you are awake, any chance you could _give me my bed back_?"

"I don't remember anything after Dale Edison managed to land that black flip off the drink table," Jax said with a shake of his head, peeling the pillow away from his face. "Still can't believe he did that."

"He actually landed that?" I spoke in shock. "Hell, I don't remember that at all."

"Well, you wouldn't, seeing as you were hitting on Cass at the time."

My eyes widened. "Oh, shit, please tell me nothing happ-"

"She told you she didn't like you in that way, patted you on the head, and proceeded to make out with that friend of hers, Miles, for the rest of the night."

Smirks and laughs followed but I merely scowled. "If we didn't play Quidditch together, she totally would have been into me."

"Not used to getting rejected, hm?" Fred smirked. "Now, can someone tell me why the hell goody-two-shoes Rose Weasley is passed out on the floor?"

The girl in question was the one to respond. "Goody-two shoes Rose Weasley decided it would be a really good idea to get drunk in celebration of Anna and then-"

"Anabel," Alice sighed.

"-and then thought it would be an even better idea to snog Scorpius in front of Al, so now I'm-"

" _You did what_?" was the unanimous response from all three guys in the room.

"-so now I'm hiding from Al, and Jax thought the best place to do that was in the Head Dorm as he knew you, Fred, and Dash were going to be here. Though, Dash appears nowhere to be seen."

" _I thought you were done snogging that asshole,"_ I growled.

"Yeah, I thought I was too but apparently not," she responded with a mere shrug.

Fred was the one who groaned and said, "Are you trying to completely destroy our family?"

She blinked, exchanging a look with the rest of us, all who looked just as befuddled as she did. "I have a feeling I'm going to regret asking this," she sighed, turning back to Fred, "But what does me snogging Malfoy have to do with the apparent destruction of our family?"

"Well, Al will probably never speak to you again which will undoubtedly cause a rift between his family and yours which is complicated seeing as your father is Aunt Ginny's brother and both of your parents are Uncle Harry's best friend. Though Harry's going to have to pick a side anyway because when your father finds out you're still sneaking around with the Malfoy kid, he's most likely going to hightail it down to this school and dropkick the bastard off the roof and laugh as he falls to his death so when he's facing the Wizengamot for murder charges, Harry will be wavering between supporting his friend and being the high and almighty Head Auror who is supposed to be against any murders and your mother will obviously be forced to resign from her position and her dreams of becoming Minister one day will be torn to shreds and she'll hate Ron for turning to murder and she'll hate you for making him do it and then all of us in the family are going to have to choose between her and Ron and while Ron may be the brother here, we all know how scary Hermione can be when you don't choose her side and if that's not enough, you're going to completely run out of money because your mother isn't working and your father is in jail and you'll be thrown on to the streets where you'll most likely turn to prostitution and-"

"For the love of Merlin and Morgana's love affair, I beg you to stop talking," Alice whined with the shake of her head.

"But I'm not done," he said with a sheepish grin. "I haven't gotten to the part yet where Hugo falls in with shady people and really does learn how to bury bodies, this time for a profit."

I smacked Fred with a pillow while Jax reached his foot out to kick him in the shin. Meanwhile, Alice and Rose groaned in unison.

"Dad isn't going to find out I snogged Malfoy again _because no one is going to tell him_ ," Rose demanded, looking specifically at me and Fred.

"You think I'd deliver that horrific news to Uncle Ron? Fuck no," Fred snorted. "I plan on pretending I never heard about it all. In my mind, you're still ten and you play with dolls."

That had me bursting into laughter, ignoring Rose's eye rolls. "When has Rose Weasley _ever_ played with dolls?"

"Shut up, mate. It's like four in the morning and I'm both exhausted and hungover and my brain isn't working. Give me a freaking break, won't you?"

"It's eleven in the morning," I pointed out.

Fred lifted his head to look at me. "Huh, who woulda thunk."

Rolling my eyes, I glanced back over at Rose. "Please enlighten us with why you decided it was a good idea to snog Malfoy?"

She rolled her eyes. "I was drunk. It was stupid," she moaned. Hesitating, she added, "Though I can't say it wasn't fun."

"One, _ew_. Two, my earlier hysterics aside, my brother _is_ going to throttle you," I pointed out.

"Ugh, like it's any of his business," she huffed. "It's not like we professed our undying love to each other. We just made out a little."

"Please never profess your undying love to him," Fred shuddered.

"I don't know why Al is so bothered by the two of you," I said, ignoring Fred, "But he is which means he will in fact hate you for this."

She frowned. " Yeah," she muttered, "I know."

A wary silence coated the room at the end of that conversation. Jax hopped off the bed and ventured into the bathroom, muttering something about needing water, while Fred grabbed Jax's abandoned pillow and stuffed it over his head with a groan. I climbed off the bed and extended my hand towards Alice who graciously accepted it and picked herself off the floor, flopping into the near-empty bed with a wistful sigh.

Chuckling, I left Rose on the floor as she appeared to have no interest in getting up and instead, I tossed her a pillow.

As I attempted to replay certain parts of the evening, I recalled my conversation with Kenley and glanced over at Fred curiously. "Oy, Fred, got a question for you."

His response was a gurgled groan.

I took that to mean I could ask it. "Who did you hear that rumor regarding Rudy and Alice from?"

"Which rumor?"

"The one about them snogging in the hallway."

Silence followed.

" _Fred_ ," I said, smacking him in the leg.

He jutted his foot out to kick me but I stepped back in time. I reached over to pull the pillow off his face and he glanced up at me with a shrug. "I don't know. I just heard it. Why does it matter?"

"Matters to me," Alice chimed in from the head of the bed, her arms now crossed over her body.

He stole a peek her way, a wince quickly following. "Sorry, can't think of who I heard it from."

My eyes narrowed at him as Jax came out of the bathroom, hovering in the doorway. "Wait, what rumor are you talking about?"

"Nothing," Fred said, rolling his eyes.

"Supposedly, there was a rumor going around that Rudy and Alice had been caught snogging each other," I said, ignoring Fred.

Jax's eyebrow shot up. "Seriously? Damn, that gossip escaped me."

"I hadn't heard anything of the sort," Rose agreed.

All of us turned towards Fred who was now wearing a smile that had a rather intense quality of sheepishness to it. I was the first to scowl but Alice quickly followed with a gasp. "Fuck it all to hell, you made it up, didn't you?!" I cried.

"So what if I did? I was just trying to do anything to get you and Alice back to talking to each other!" he argued defensively, a laugh at the edge of his lips. "It worked, didn't it?"

"No, Brooks Pruitt being a bloody idiot worked! Your so-called rumor didn't do shit!"

"Eh, what are ya gonna do?" he chuckled with a mere shrug.

"You prat!" Alice snapped. "I genuinely felt bad that Rudy got roped into my little drama with James. I told him I'd make it up to him!"

He smirked and winked at her. "Oh, I bet you will."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "You better start running, Fred Weasley, because I'm about to hex every one of your body parts until you can't move a bloody muscle!" she cried, jumping on to her bed and lunging at Fred.

Fred let out a yelp as he hastily rolled out of bed and immediately raced towards the door, his laughter carrying him down the stairs and out of the Head Dorm, with Alice right behind him.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Alice got a few punches in and I had a feeling Fred's arm would be covered in dark bruises in just a few short hours, but they eventually returned to the room with cheerful smiles on their faces and after another few hours of much-needed sleep, the five of us ventured off towards the Great Hall in great need of food.

"Oh, I hope it's something so greasy that we can't even make out what it is," Jax murmured.

"I just want a pile of fried food," Rose agreed with a nod. "If it's not fried, I'm not eating it."

"What are you going do when you see Al?" I questioned her.

"I'm going to offer him some fried food as a peace offering and when that doesn't work, I'm going to grovel at his feet and blame Angela's drunken birthday festivities on-"

" _Anabel_ ," Alice groaned.

"-on any and all stupid decisions I definitely made last night."

I smirked. "And when that doesn't work?"

Rose hesitated. "I'll push Malfoy off the Astronomy Tower."

I glanced at her, confused. "How is that going to make Al forgive you?"

"It won't, but it'll make me feel tons better."

We all laughed as we turned the corner. In doing so, I ran into something solid and stumbled backwards. "Ouch," I murmured, clutching my forehead. Glancing up, I scowled but it was Rose who spoke.

"Oh for fuck's sake," she murmured to herself. "It just had to be you we ran into, didn't it."

"I've been looking for you, Weasley," Scorpius spoke sullenly.

She made a face. "Why?"

I interrupted before Scorpius could respond. "You have some balls chatting up my cousin right now, Mr. Loose Lips," I drawled. "Any reason you're not running away from us right now or do you fancy yourself getting your arse kicked?"

He sighed. "Can it at least wait until after I kick Kat's arse?"

I had no idea what to make of that response and clearly neither did the rest of my friends as they all looked at each other in bewilderment.

Fred spoke. "Beating up a girl, hm? Why am I not surprised to hear you have absolutely no morals?"

Scorpius looked at all of us in slight confusion but that quickly gave way to dread as he said, "Shit, you guys haven't spoken to your roommate yet today, have you."

"I tend to try not talking to Jessup if it can be avoided," I drawled.

"Not him," he argued.

My brow furrowed. "Dash? What does he have to do with anything?"

Scorpius frowned, shaking his head as if he wasn't sure what to say.

"Scorpius," Rose spoke as a deep frown extending into her jawline, "What is it? What's going on?"

I was suddenly thinking all kinds of awful thoughts but my thoughts were silenced in a horrific way when Scorpius finally responded.

"Dash and Kat shagged each other last night."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

 **A/N:** And we have our very first cliffhanger.

Next up: well, isn't it obvious? The aftermath of that bombshell.


	18. Dreaming With A Broken Heart

**A/N:** I had a request for an update before the holidays so here I am! I'll be gone for two weeks over the holidays so it would be wrong of me to have you wait for an update until the New Year. Especially after the lovely cliffie I left you with. Merry Christmas, Happy Kwanzaa, and Happy New Year to all who have been with me since Chapter 1. Enjoy your early Christmas gift

* * *

 **A WAY WITH WORDS**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 18: Dreaming With A Broken Heart

" _When you're dreaming with a broken heart  
The waking up is the hardest part  
You roll outta bed and down on your knees  
And for a moment you can hardly breathe."  
_-John Mayer

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"Dash and Kat shagged each other last night."

Silence filled the hallway as a series of jaws dropped and eyes widened, those seven words nearly incomprehensible. All we could do was stare at the Slytherin in front of us, bewildered and shocked and in complete disbelief.

"You've got to be shitting me," I eventually said when I found my voice.

"Is this some kind of joke?" Rose snarled.

" _No fucking way_ " were Fred's very eloquent words.

Scorpius sighed. "Way," he murmured. "And that's not even the worst part."

How could that not be the worst part?

"Albus was the one who caught them."

More gasps as we all exchanged shared looks of shock and confusion and panic. No one spoke. We just stared at each other as if suddenly the logic behind the shocking confession would make sense to us. I didn't tend to involve myself in my brother's affairs but getting cheated on by a girl you just shared your two-year anniversary with seemed like a pretty shitty thing to have to deal with. And while Dash and Shayne had always had their share of arguments, Dash always made it pretty clear that he loved her. So even though I had a strong feeling that alcohol was involved, nothing about the scandal seemed justified.

Eventually, Fred did speak. "Screw morals. Let's go kick Kat Lexington's arse."

"Hear, hear," I grumbled.

Rose shot us both a dirty look before glancing back at Scorpius. "Where is he?" she croaked out.

We all knew she was referring to Albus.

Scorpius shook his head sadly. "I don't know," he murmured. "I've looked everywhere and I can't find him."

Unexpected tears filled her eyes. "Fuck, he must be devastated."

"He ripped up every single photo he had of the two of them and lit them all on fire before he took off without a word," Scorpius sighed. "Devastated doesn't even begin to describe it."

"We need to find him," she whispered.

"Why do you think I was looking for you?"

She nodded and glanced at the rest of us. "Maybe you guys could talk to Dash and figure out what the hell happened last night? Possibly before Al finds him and hexes him 'til he's dead."

I didn't have the heart to tell her that Dash probably wouldn't have a better answer than 'we were drunk,' but I nodded anyway and we all took off in opposite directions.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Fred and I separated from Jax and Alice, as the two of them figured it was best that less of us bombarded Dash, and the two of us disappeared up the stairs and into our room. Parker was thankfully nowhere to be found but there was a lump hiding under massive blankets on the end of Dash's bed.

"Dash," Fred spoke.

No answer.

" _Dash_ ," he said again.

No answer.

I kicked the edge of Dash's bed. "Dash!"

He jumped, peeling the blankets off of him and staring at us with sad eyes. "Go away," he murmured before pulling the blankets over his head once again.

Fred responded by dropping on to the bed beside our roommate. "Just tell us what the hell happened, Finnigan."

No response.

"Don't make me kick your bed again," I groaned.

"Who the hell cares what happened?" his muffled voice responded. "I lost my girlfriend and fucked over your brother, James. I'm a piece of shit and I never plan on leaving this bed ever again."

I sighed. "Well, can't say I argue with the piece of shit comment but you can't stay in bed forever."

"Sure I can. It's a nice bed."

"Then you'll starve to death and I sure as hell ain't going to be the one to clean up your body."

Dash peeked his head out to glare at me. "I'm not finding any amusement in the situation right now."

I sighed again. "What happened, Finnigan?"

He looked at me, the defeat settling into his already desolate expression. "Lots and lots and lots of alcohol," he muttered. "Stupid Andy and his stupid birthday."

"Anabel," Fred responded.

That earned him two identical glares.

"I don't know why that matters," he murmured sheepishly.

I rolled my eyes and turned my attention back on Dash. "Dash, you wouldn't have gone off and shagged some girl just because you had a drink or two or, let's be real, ten. That sounds like something I would do but not you. So out with it. What happened?"

He stared at me, his eyes heavy with grief, before slowly sitting up. I noticed then he was still wearing what he wore the night before, though his shirt appeared to be ripped. I wondered for a moment if that had been Shayne breaking up with him or from his shag session with Kat before deciding I didn't really want to know.

"Shayne and I were having another one of our arguments. All we did yesterday was argue. In class, at meals, all during our free period, and it just continued at the party," he finally spoke, his voice dead of emotion. "She thought I was spending too much time talking to Hattie so she decided it would be a really good idea to dance with Tanner Carmichael for the rest of the night, clearly trying to make me jealous, and I just-"

"Yeah, well, I think it worked."

Dash looked at me with a murderous glare.

"Er…I'm going to stop saying things now."

He sighed. "I just got so fed up with it. We fight all the time now. And when things are good, they're really good. But when they're bad, I-I just…she really knows how to push my buttons, y'know?" he murmured, not really talking to us anymore. "And I came across Kat who was pissed at Al because he wouldn't stop whining about Scorpius and Rose and she apparently always feels second best to his friends and we were complaining about our significant others and then one thing led to another and…well, you apparently know the rest."

I found myself in a rather precarious situation. I felt for Dash. He appeared to be genuinely apologetic and remorseful. But he did dick over my brother and while I have little allegiance to Albus, we still shared blood so there was a bit of a kinship there that had me not feeling as sorry for Dash as I probably could have.

"What happened with Shayne?" Fred asked.

Dash's face fell, his shoulders sagging forward as he moaned. "I wanted her to yell at me. To let me have it. I wanted her to call me names and insult me. Because I deserve that. I deserve to be shamed."

"She didn't do any of that?" I questioned curiously.

He shook his head. "When I walked down to the common room this morning, she was waiting for me and all she said was 'Guess it wasn't Hattie I had to worry about after all.'"

When he said nothing more, Fred responded, "That's it?"

"Well, then she slapped me across the face and told me never to speak to her again. I took that to mean we were over."

In my mind, he deserved more than a slap and two hurtful sentences.

Then again, I've never had to break up with anyone in my life so I was hardly an expert.

"I really did love her," Dash choked out.

I could have been the asshole to tell him that if he really loved her, he wouldn't have cheated on her.

Oh, right, I was an asshole.

"Then maybe you shouldn't have cheated on her, mate."

Fred kicked me in the shins. "Don't be a prat, James."

"No, he's right," Dash muttered, shaking his head back and forth.

"You made a mistake," Fred sighed. "A big one. One that Shayne probably won't forgive you for and that's something you'll have to learn to accept, but that doesn't mean you didn't love her. Love isn't perfect, mate. It isn't a fairytale. Happy endings don't always exist. No, relationships are hard and confusing and messy and yes, painful, and sometimes inundated in all that mess is enough love to keep you going but sometimes it's not enough. Sometimes things happen that unfortunately proves to all of us that love can't always conquer all, but that doesn't mean it wasn't there to begin with."

Both myself and Dash were staring at him with mouths hanging open and eyes full of incredulity.

Fred chuckled nervously. "So evidently I'm profound when I'm hungover."

"Well…stop," I said, shaking my head. "It's weird."

"Creepy," Dash added.

"A tad awkward."

"And very unnatural."

Fred rolled his eyes. "Fine, I take back all that I said. You didn't love Shayne and she didn't love you. Better?"

Dash whimpered. " _No_ ," he moaned, shoving the blankets over his head.

I looked at Fred. "Way to go, mate."

He shot me a look. "Oh, right, because you've been massively helpful this whole time?"

I shrugged. "No, but comforting someone's heartbreak is so not my thing," I admitted, heading over to my side of the room and rifling through my trunk.

"What are you doing?" Fred asked.

"Looking for the Map," I murmured. "Someone's got to find my brother."

His eyebrow slowly perched upward. "So that you can be massively unhelpful while not comforting his heartbreak next?"

He wasn't wrong. I knew very little about the heartbreak department.

Not to mention, I knew very little about my brother.

"Probably," I replied with a sigh.

"You're going to make things worse."

"Can't see how that's possible," I snorted.

" _James_."

I found the Map and pulled it out, glancing towards Fred. "Do you want to do the honors of having a heart-to-heart with my brother?"

He hesitated. "Tell Albus Kat's a bitch from me."

"That's what I thought."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

It took me a while to find my brother on the Map but I eventually saw his lone figure trekking out of the dungeons and heading outside. I had a feeling he had sulked in the dungeons to hide away from his mates and when the silence became too much, he decided to do the one thing I would have done in the same situation.

Hit the skies.

So I tucked the Map into my back pocket and took the long walk to the Quidditch pitch where I found my brother doing loops in the air.

I stood at the base of the bleachers, just staring up at him and wondering what the hell I was even doing there. I was hardly the comforting type, especially to my brother who I had been on the outs with for so many years, and yet there I was showing up for him during a time he could probably use a comforting presence. Not someone who never said the right thing and only made awkward situations even more awkward. It didn't help that I knew nothing about love or heartbreak or what I was supposed to say to him to make any of this okay. If there was even something to say to make things okay. So why I thought it was a solid idea to seek out my brother during his moment of torturous despair was a total mystery to me.

I took a seat on one of the team benches and watched my brother as he circled around the hoops, in and out, and weaved his way around the pitch. He'd start out slow and then zoom towards the ground, just to pull up at the last minute. A half hour passed before he finally stopped, his broom hovering stoically fifty feet in the air. A few minutes went by before he started up again and this time he was heading right for me.

He dismounted his broom and closed the gap between us. I saw as he approached that his eyes were red and swollen and his face was whiter than a bedsheet. He looked completely and utterly broken.

I felt my heart plummet into my stomach as I wondered why the hell I thought this was something I could handle.

"What the hell are you doing here?" was his greeting.

I hesitated. "I-I'm not entirely sure."

He stared at me, his eyes void of emotion. "I don't want to talk to you," he murmured, his voice tired. "I don't want to talk to anyone."

I nodded. "That's fine. We don't have to talk."

He growled, his expression growing irritated. "I don't want to see you either."

I looked at him before shrugging. "Well, that's too bad because I'm not going anywhere."

He stared back at me and suddenly his expressionless face and those dead eyes became coated with outward rage. " _Why_?" he sneered. "You don't care about me. You don't give care that my girlfriend just _ripped my heart out of my chest_. You don't care that I caught my girlfriend fucking _your_ goddamned roommate. You don't care that I just _wasted_ the last two years of my life. _You've never cared before so don't bother trying to care now_."

Albus Potter was one of the nicest people I knew. It was annoying how sickeningly nice he could be. He rarely said a bad thing about anyone, including me even when I deserved it. He always believed the good in everything and everyone. He never raised his voice and didn't believe in confrontation and cursing was a rarity for him.

The person standing in front of me wasn't Albus Potter.

It was a rundown, broken, devastated version of the brother I once knew. And for the first time in sixteen years, I felt my own heart break for him.

"Al," I spoke, my voice barely above a whisper.

"Just go," he croaked out and I could tell he was on the verge of tears.

My heart broke again for him.

He said nothing more, mounting his broom and taking to the sky again.

I watched him for a few minutes, an unexpected dread digging a hole in the pit of my stomach as I wondered what it is I could say to make him feel like his whole world wasn't crashing around him.

I came up blank.

So instead of saying anything, I took off towards the clubhouse, pulled my broom out of my locker, and headed back out to the pitch, kicking off and joining my brother in the sky.

He froze when he saw me, all the angst and the suffering clearly displayed in his forlorn expression. With a frown, he said, "What are you doing?"

I shrugged. "Flying."

There was a short pause. "Why?" he choked out.

I looked up at the almost cloudless sky. "Seemed like a nice afternoon for it."

His eyes grew soft. "Nothing about today is nice."

And before I could respond, he zoomed away.

But he didn't kick me off the pitch, nor did he leave himself, so I took that as a good sign.

I didn't know how long we were up there but it was a few hours in the very least. My stomach began to rumble at one point, but I ignored it, shutting my eyes and letting the breeze gently cascade against my face as my broom guided me through the afternoon sky.

The sun was tapering off in the distance when I noticed Albus had dismounted his broom and was heading towards the clubhouse. I didn't know if I should let him go or follow him but my broom directed me towards the ground so I guess that was my subconscious telling me to go after my brother.

I hesitated outside the Slytherin door of the clubhouse before pushing it open and slipping inside. I saw my brother sitting on one of the benches with his back turned to me, hunched over with his head in his hands. I didn't know what to say but apparently I didn't need to as he began to talk.

"I think I fell for her the first time I saw her playing Quidditch," he murmured. "She flew so effortlessly and she always wore this crooked little smile on her face when she had the quaffle in her hand and her whole face lit up when she scored.

"We got paired up in Herbology a few months later and she cut her finger on one of the snarglepuss plants so I offered to escort her to the hospital wing. We chatted the whole time about music and Quidditch and when we got to the hospital wing, she told me she had forgotten all about her bleeding hand.

"I remember being so nervous when I first asked her to Hogsmeade, but she told me she had been hoping I'd ask and we ended up having an incredible date. Uncle Ron and Uncle George teased me about her in the shop, in disbelief that I could actually bag a girl and all she did was smile and tell them that she considered herself very lucky that I chose her.

"She was the one who kissed me first. We were just walking back from the library together and I called her pretty off-handedly and I was mid-sentence when she leaned over and kissed me. She was my first kiss. She's the only girl I've ever kissed. And the only girl I've ever loved.

"I remember when I first told her I loved her. It was the end of summer, just under eight months after we started first dating, and we were arguing about something stupid and she said that maybe we should just break up, and I told her I loved her too much to lose her and then she was saying it back and it was one of the best days of my life.

"We slept together for the first time that New Year's Eve. I told our parents that I was going out with some people but I knew no one would be home so I invited her over and we both knew it was going to happen and we were acting weird about it but then suddenly it wasn't weird anymore and it just felt right. Everything with her just felt right. It had always felt right.

"And I gave her a stupid stuffed bear on our one-year anniversary but she loved it and she slept with it every night and that always made me feel special. Because she always made me feel special.

"And then last night she was telling me to stop trying to control Rose and Scorpius and they were old enough to make their own choices and I was telling her that Rose didn't have an older brother to protect her and I had always tried to fill that role and as much as Scorpius was my best mate, I knew he didn't treat women the way she deserved to be treated, and she didn't think I was listening to her and I didn't think she was listening to me and then she took off and then I felt guilty so I tried going after her and then…and then…"

He stopped. There were tears trickling down his face but he didn't bother wiping them away, his body shaking with grief.

I had realized as he spoke that I never knew any of his relationship details. I never knew when he had started dating her or why. I never knew when they shared their first kiss. And I never knew that she was his first kiss. I never knew when they had first said they loved each other. I never knew when he lost his virginity. I never knew what he got her for their one-year anniversary. I never knew because I never cared enough to ask.

And yet here I was, caring now.

Slowly, I made my way over to the bench and took a seat beside him.

He didn't look up, his head still buried in his hands. His body shook as the tears continued to fall. And then he said, "Nothing in my life ever goes right, but I thought I finally did something right with her. Apparently not."

Those words confused me for I was fairly certain that Albus didn't know how to do a single thing wrong. So what about his life wasn't going right?

"I think a better way of looking at is that everything in your life went right," I spoke hesitantly, "Except for her."

Albus swiftly shook his head, swiping the back of his fingers across his cheeks. "Of course you'd say that," he muttered. "You assume you're the only one in our family who isn't perfect."

And those words confused me even more.

"I'm sorry that Kat turned out to not be the girl you thought she was," I spoke hesitantly, "But that doesn't make you less of a person from who you used to be. She was the one who cheated, Al. That's on her, not you."

Albus pulled himself off the bench with a growl. "You don't get it."

"No, I don't," I said stubbornly. "So why don't you tell me what you're talking about?"

He whirled around with a glare. "You're honestly choosing now to try to have some heart-to-heart conversation with your so-called brother who you decided to write off years ago?"

Ouch.

Then again, he wasn't wrong.

"I'm not trying to have a heart-to-heart conversation," I spoke softly. "I'm just…here."

"Yeah? And whyis that exactly?" he sneered. "It's not like you have any understanding of what this feels like. Of how much this hurts. You don't know what it's like to have your heart shredded to itty-bitty pieces that will never be put back together again. To have your insides screaming in pain. You don't know what it's like to feel anger and devastation in every inch of your body to the point where it hurts to even _move_. You don't know what it's like to feel your body shutting down on you, too drained and too exhausted to do or even _feel_ anything. To feel frozen and numb and completely lost and broken. You don't know what it's like to miss someone and love them and hate them _all at the same time_. You don't know what heartbreak is, James, because you don't let yourself get close enough to anyone to experience this _. You don't know and you'll never know._ Because you'll never let yourself know. And you know what? I always felt a little sorry for you because you seemed incapable of love and that made me sad for you. But if this is what I get for loving someone then maybe you had it right all these years."

I stared at my brother, his words hitting me unexpectedly hard. Not because I felt offended or insulted. Because I realized as he spoke that all of the things he felt after Kat's betrayal were all the things I had felt for the eight days I had been estranged from Alice.

It took me by surprise and I wasn't sure what to think or feel in that moment, finding myself oddly grateful for the kind of friendship I had with Alice but also incredibly wary. For something about it felt unusual and different and while I was inclined to believe that was supposed to be a good thing, I wondered if there was a lot more to it that I was just refusing to see.

I had to shake that thought away quickly as I glanced over at my brother and said, "I believe someone once said it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all."

My brother turned to me, his eyes nearly drained of all feeling as he just sat there staring at me. Eventually he spoke. "That someone must not have been all that in love because if I could go back in time and take all of it back – all of the kisses and hugs and the gifts and the sex and the love – _if I could take it all back so I didn't have to feel the way I feel right now_ , I would," he whispered, the words coming out in spurts of sadness as another fresh set of tears coated his eyes.

My heart sank into my stomach for I was certain I had never seen Albus looking so unsettled before. He was always the epitome of put together. Now, he was just the epitome of a broken soul.

"How is it possible I can hate someone and love them all at the same time?" he choked out as he tried to wipe the tears from his eyes.

I didn't know the answer to that question but it hit me in that moment that I should have been able to. Because even though there were plenty of times I was convinced I hated my brother, he was still my brother and therefore, in the deepest crevice of my heart, I knew a part of me had to love him.

It was why I was there now. I didn't know heartbreak or love, but I knew he was hurting and while I wasn't entirely sure how to fix that, or even if it could be fixed, I knew that what he needed to know was that he wasn't alone.

I would wake up tomorrow and forget all about this. I'd go back to ignoring Albus. I'd probably continue to insult him and taunt him in the hallways. I'd pretend we weren't related. But today, he was my brother. And today, he needed me.

So I clapped him on the back and said, "I don't know much about love, Al, but I know about hate. It eats you up inside. It breaks your heart. It ruins your soul. It devastates you and turns you into someone you're not. You may think it's easier to hate someone than it is to love them but all that really does is make you hate yourself for ever letting yourself love them in the first place. Hating her won't change anything. But hating yourself will destroy you. And that isn't worth hating her at all."

A few minutes ticked by before he looked up at me, his cheeks stained with stale tears. "Sounds like you might have experience with that."

I offered him a weak shrug in response.

He turned away from me, swiping underneath his eyes with the back of his hand. "No one ever warns you how much a broken heart actually hurts," he muttered, letting his head fall back as he glanced up at the ceiling with a sigh.

"I know," I said, my thoughts once again strangely consumed by Alice.

He snorted and shot me a nasty look. "No, you don't," he sneered, once again returning to a stage of anger, "And for that, you should consider yourself very lucky."

I was about to argue with him but he swiftly pulled himself off the bench and stormed out.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

It was just after five o'clock when I finally returned to the Gryffindor common room. I felt drained but I couldn't be sure if it was from the hours of flying or the unexpectedly depressing conversation I just shared with my brother.

Wandering into the common room, I immediately spotted my mates across the room sprawled out around the fire. Alice was laying horizontally on the couch with her head propped up against Fred's leg while Jax and Rose shared the loveseat together. Lily was there pacing in front of the couch looking angrier than I could ever remember seeing.

As I wandered over to them, Alice lifted herself from Fred and stared at me with wide concerned eyes. I dropped on to the couch in between the two of them and immediately slumped down, resting my head against the back of the couch with a deep sigh.

"How is he?" Alice asked softly.

My eyes drifted towards the ceiling, another slow sigh escaping my lips. "We flew for three, four, maybe even five hours," I muttered. "How do you think he is?"

"Did he say anything?" Rose pleaded.

He said a lot of things. Insults directed at me. A play-by-play of his entire relationship. Descriptions of a broken heart. And a declaration about how he had wished he had never loved Kat Lexington.

Glancing over at my cousin, I decided to say, "He asked how it was possible to love and hate someone all at the same time."

Her eyes glazed over with angst but it was Fred who responded. "Oh, hell, you're the last person he should be asking for love advice from."

"I didn't give him love advice," I murmured with a mere shrug. "I gave him hate advice."

"Fuck, that's even worse."

I shot him a look. "I didn't tell him to hate her, you dickwad," I drawled. "I told him hating her isn't going to change who she is or how she acts or what she does. I told him that hating her was just going to end up having him hate himself. And I told him that hating himself will wind up crushing him even more than the heartbreak will. I told him it wasn't worth it."

Five identical stares of wonderment and shock stared back at me. I decided to look up at the ceiling again.

"Well, damn," Fred murmured with a low whistle, "Guess I'm not the only profound one when hungover."

I barely cracked a smile, too weary to find the energy.

"I've got a plan," Lily spoke up, her voice laced with irritation, "And it involves using Hugo's connections with burying bodies."

" _My brother doesn't have those connections_ ," Rose groaned. Hesitating, she added, "Though I'm not completely against killing the blonde bitch and throwing her over a high cliff somewhere."

"I second that," Lily snapped.

"No one is killing anyone," Alice sighed.

"But-"

" _No_ ," Alice urged.

Lily pouted and I used that time to jump in. "Fine, we'll cross killing off our list but I'm thinking that that so-called blonde bitch deserves one hell of a prank war."

I waited for Alice to shoot that idea down, but to my utter surprise it never came. Instead she glanced over at Rose who smirked. "We were going to start with turning all of the food she touches to insects."

I gaped at her. "You're advocating this?"

Rose's upper lip twisted into a devious smile. "No one messes with our family and gets away with it, James," she spoke firmly. " _No one_."

I nodded. "Alright, what else you got?"

She nodded over at Fred who grabbed the parchment off the table in front of us. "Ink spills in her schoolbag. Stick her tongue to the roof of her mouth. Tripping jinxes in the hallway. Remove all of her hair. Charm all of her jewelry so it screams at her…"

He continued while Rose and Lily threw in the occasional remark but I stole a glance towards Alice to my right. "You're okay with this?" I murmured.

Alice hesitated. "If anyone asks, I know nothing about any of this," she urged. Shrugging, she added, "But it's nice seeing you stick up for your brother."

As I met the encouragement in her eyes, I was reminded of what Albus said to me about heartbreak. Looking at her then, I realized she was the only person in my life who if I had somehow lost her, there would be a very good chance I wouldn't be able to function.

"Yeah, well, someone's got to do it," I said in response to her comment. "Merlin knows he'll never stand up for himself."

She rolled her eyes. "I shouldn't have said anything."

I grinned and turned my attention back on Fred.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Monday morning came and the entire school was talking about the scandal that broke up two of Hogwarts most recognized couples. I knew all too well what it was like to be gossiped about and the last thing any of them needed was even more of a spotlight on them.

So you could only imagine how I felt when the top headline in the _Daily Prophet_ was **Scandal Strikes Hogwarts** : **The Chosen One's Son No Longer the Chosen One of His Now Ex-girlfriend**.

You. Have. Got. To. Be. Kidding. Me.

" _You have got to be kidding me_!"

I looked up to determine who read my mind and saw Rose standing over me, fuming. She grabbed the newspaperout of Alice's hands and scanned the front page. Her eyes grew more enraged by the minute until she began tearing out the pages one-by-one and crumbling them into tight wads she then tossed into the pitcher of pumpkin juice.

"Well, guess we were done reading that then," Fred spoke with a nervous chuckle.

"It's vile. Horrible. Absolutely atrocious! Isn't there _real news_ out there that the media should be focusing on!? Like how about the fact that the Wizengamot just awarded Grady Wendell with a life sentence to Azkaban for illegally trading black market potions supplies with Brazil for the past ten years! Or what about the groundbreaking on the new pediatric wing at St. Mungo's that is finally taking place after years of permit negotiations!"

"Er…are those real events?" I murmured at Alice.

Alice murmured back to me, "Don't know. She ripped up my paper."

"Bloody hell," Rose snapped, dropping down on to the bench beside me with a hmph, "I don't know who I want to murder more. Kat Lexington or Evie Brixton."

I exchanged a look with Alice who shrugged. Glancing back over at Rose, I said, "Who?"

"The bloody devil woman who dared to write that vile article!"

"Oh, right. Of course. Her," I said, grimacing. Alice smirked beside me but it was quickly erased following a glare from Rose.

Lily chose the right time, or perhaps the wrong time, to storm into the Great Hall, the newspaper flailing about in her hands. Storming over to us, she said, "Have you see this-"

"Vile, horrible, absolutely atrocious article?" Rose sneered.

"Took the words right out of my mouth," Lily seethed, her temper flaring up. "I might have already sent this bloody Evie Brixton hag a howler."

"How did you get your hands on a howler?" Alice murmured but Fred cut him off.

"Relax, you two," Fred suggested with a bit of an amused smirk on his face. He, like me, probably liked the fact that our fiery redhead family members were directing their anger at someone who wasn't us. "I know we can't go killing anybody, because apparently according to AliCat that's wrong, but we've been well on our way to achieving all the pranks on our list so-"

"Yeah, and Kat hasn't been bothered by _any of them_ ," Rose hissed.

"Because she knows she deserves it," a new voice chimed in from behind us.

I growled as Scorpius came up behind us. "Overheard her talking to Noah. He told her to retaliate against us and she told him she deserved worse than a few pranks against her."

"That fucking bitch," Rose snarled. "She doesn't get to pretend to be some martyr all of a sudden just because her so-called conscience might be kicking in _now_. Where the hell was that conscience when she was off sleeping with somebody else? _I swear I might actually wring that blonde bimbo's neck._ "

"Rose," I spoke up tentatively. "Any chance you remember what I said to Al about hatred not being worth it?"

"Oh, go fuck a basilisk, James!" she snapped. "I'm allowed to hate the bint that hurt my best friend!"

I blinked. "Er…aren't all basilisks male? Don't know how I feel about fucking one."

"Right, because _that's_ the takeaway from what I just said."

I sighed. "Did it ever occur to you, Rose, that perhaps it's not Kat Lexington you're pissed at but Al for still refusing to talk to you after your snogfest with Devil Boy here?"

Scorpius grimaced while she glared at me. "You don't know what you're-"

"But you feel like you can't be mad at him when he's quite possibly in the lowest place in his life right now?"

"You really don't know that-"

"So it's easier being mad at Lexington and taking all of your anger out on her because she's the one that caused him to be in that low place?"

Rose frowned. "When the fuck did you become so insightful?"

That was a good question.

"Eh, it comes and it goes."

She seemed to ignore my comment as she let out a sigh. "He's miserable and he's hurting and he won't let me help him," she muttered.

"You can't help him," I found myself saying with a hesitant shrug. "This isn't something you can fix."

"Well, I can't just sit around pranking some bitch while I wait for him to forgive me," she snapped. "That's just going to make me lash out even more and ultimately turn me into a bitch."

"How can you be turned into something you already are?" Fred murmured under his breath.

That earned him a punch to the shoulder.

"Give it time," Alice suggested, offering Rose an apologetic sideways smile. "He'll come to you when he's ready."

"In the meantime, stay away from Malfoy," I scoffed.

"Er…you do realize I'm still standing here, right?" Scorpius sighed.

I shot him a look. "Yeah, and why again? Your presence is incredibly unnecessary right now."

He rolled his eyes and without another word, walked away.

I glanced up from my plate to a glare on Rose's face. "I would try and suggest you be a tad nicer to your brother's best mate but somehow I have a feeling that won't work," Rose drawled.

"Somehow, I think you're right," I retaliated. "And y'know, Rosie Dearest, there's a lesson to be learned in all of this."

"That Kat Lexington is a bigger bitch than even I am?"

I was about to argue but stopped. "A true fact but not the lesson I was referring to," I spoke dismissively. "The true lesson is that snogging the devil boy in front of Al _never has a desirable outcome_."

The whole table stared at me in slight surprise and I only then realized how critical my comment might have been.

"Oh, so this is all my fault then?" Rose spoke up, her voice uncharacteristically quiet.

"Er…no, I didn't mean it like that," I murmured, shaking my head vigorously. "I was just suggesting that you should really keep your lips off of Malfoy's."

"And I'm about to suggest my fist into your face," she retaliated angrily.

I wasn't sure that that made any sense but Alice changed the subject before I could question it.

"Can I ask, how's Dash doing with all of this?" she spoke up.

"Who the fuck cares?" Rose snarled before Fred or I could retort. "He's just as much to blame for this as the conniving bitch is."

I considered this for a moment and wondered why we all seemed to be livid with Kat and yet not as antagonistic towards Dash. I thought for a brief second that it was because we liked Dash and considered him a friend but I slowly realized that we all mainly blamed Kat for breaking up her relationship with Al, not Dash. He didn't help the situation, and he was certainly involved in my brother's heartbreak, so Albus had every right to be angry which made him Albus' problem to deal with. But Kat directly hurt a family member, knowing full well what the aftermath might be, which meant she had to deal with all of us.

"Fine, then go ahead and prank him, too," Fred suggested with a shrug.

Rose frowned. "I'm done pranking anyone," she murmured. "There's a reason I never do it. It's because it's not nearly as therapeutic as you two are convinced it is."

"Then you're clearly not pranking right," I argued.

She shot me a glare and Lily spoke up then. "Pranking Al's backstabbing ex unfortunately isn't going to make her less of a backstabber," she pointed out.

"You're just saying that because we didn't include you in the actual pranking," I teased, reaching over to ruffle her hair.

She darted away from me with a growl. "I didn't want to be a part of the actual pranking," she drawled. "Y'see, instead of focusing my attention on her, I'm been focusing my attention on the person that needs it. Because I can assure you that pranking Kat isn't going to make Al's heartbreak hurt any less."

She wasn't completely wrong but I had nothing left to say to Al that I hadn't already said to him. Comforting people wasn't my forte. But pranking people certainly was.

"I've been trying to focus my attention on Al but he's not exactly letting me, now is he?" Rose seethed as she abruptly stood up from the table, grabbing a biscuit before pulling herself off the bench.

"Where are you going?" I questioned.

"Yet another attempt to grovel at that stubborn cousin of mine," she grumbled as she started to walk away. "That, or I'm throwing Malfoy off the Astronomy Tower. Haven't decided yet."

Fred laughed beside me while Alice just grimaced. "The unfortunate part is, I think a part of her is actually serious," she murmured.

I hesitated before shrugging. "I'm not so sure I see the 'unfortunate' part of that."

I ducked before a biscuit could hit me in the face.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Alice was finishing up an essay in her bedroom that afternoon and I was wasting away with my playbook, though most of my thoughts resided more on my brother and less on Quidditch.

Yes, I was aware how shocking that was.

" _Jay_."

I broke out my reverie and glanced over to where Alice sat at her desk. "Yes?"

"Oh, how I love it when you ignore me."

I grinned sheepishly. "Sorry, I've got a lot on my mind."

Her head cocked to the side. "Well, it clearly can't be Quidditch because instead of staring at your playbook, you've been staring off in space for the past twenty minutes."

I just shrugged, hoping that would be answer enough.

It apparently wasn't because she picked herself off her desk chair and joined me on the bed. "Thinking about your brother?"

I hesitated. "No?"

She smirked. "I think you've spent more time thinking about him in the past twenty-four hours than you have for the past six years."

"What's your point?"

"That pretty much was my point."

I frowned and lifted my gaze towards the ceiling with a sigh. "It's not what you think."

Her eyebrow shot up. "Oh?"

I said nothing at first, allowing myself to get lost in my jumbled thoughts, before I spoke. "He said something to me on the Quidditch pitch that I'm still trying to wrap my head around."

When I said nothing more, she rolled her eyes. "This is the part where you're supposed to tell me _what_ he said."

I stole a peek towards her and said reluctantly, "He said that he felt as if nothing ever went right in his life until Kat showed up. Which makes little sense since we all know he's the only one in the family who actually does make all the right decisions."

She frowned in surprise, clearly not expecting those words. "Well, to be fair," she spoke hesitantly, "You're only able to look at things from your perspective. You don't know what he goes through or what he's thinking or feeling."

I felt a scowl deep within my throat. "Why, because I don't care about him?" I accused.

She hesitated. "Your words, not mine."

"No, actually, they were Al's words," I grunted.

She looked at me. "And what did you say to that?"

"I told him I wasn't trying to care, I was just trying to be there for him."

She sighed. "Why can't those two things be the same thing?"

"They could," I drawled, "If we were talking about anyone but me."

She let out another sigh. "You know how to care, Jay," she spoke softly.

I shook my head. "I know how to care about you," I corrected. "Others, especially Al, are far more complicated for me."

She hesitated before saying, "You forget that once upon a time, you cared about him, too."

Flashbacks of my childhood appeared in the forefront of my mind before I quickly pushed them away. "Once upon a time," I repeated in a murmur, "But that time has definitely come and gone."

"And yet," she said softly, "You were the one who went to him on that Quidditch pitch."

Yeah, I was still trying to figure out why I did that.

"Because I had the Map," I pointed out. "I'm the only one who knew where he was."

"You could have told Rose or your sister or Scorpius where to find him. But you didn't."

Yeah, I could have.

And yet I didn't.

"Well, to be fair, my brother isn't so fond of Rose or Malfoy at the moment."

She sighed. "And your sister?"

And I was officially out of excuses.

I just shrugged and said, "I just did for him what I would have done had it been you out on that pitch."

Alice looked at me with a hesitant smile. "I think that's a sign that you do care about your brother, if even just a little bit."

I saw the sincerity in her gaze and slowly turned away, a sigh escaping my lips as confused thoughts took over my mind. Why was it so easy for me to care about Alice and so hard to care about others? What made her so different? I couldn't even use the excuse that I grew up with her because I grew up with Albus, too. I grew up with a lot of people and while I appreciated them that didn't mean it was always easy for me to care about them.

 _So why was it so easy to care about Alice_?

There was a nagging voice in the back of my head, one that sounded an awful lot like Hattie's, telling me that the answer was quite obvious.

Instead of acknowledging that nagging voice, I decided to pretend it didn't exist altogether.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I somehow ended up in the kitchens that very same night with rather unexpected company, mainly comprised of various Quidditch players along with Rose who was there because she apparently decided that being ditched by Albus meant she was going to hang around the rest of us. Kye Tannehill and I were the only Captains but with us were Alice, Fred, and Jax from the Gryffindor team, Ryleigh Carver and Bryce Thompson from the Hufflepuff team, Roxanne and Zig from the Ravenclaw team, and Reese from the Slytherin team. Lily and CJ had been there, too, but they stormed off after I kept chucking grapes at my chaser.

"So if you were putting together a fantasy Hogwarts Quidditch team, who would be your top pick?" Fred questioned from where he lay sprawled out on the Gryffindor table.

We all looked around at each other, amused, before Kye spoke up. "Including each other or not?"

Fred shrugged. "Let's start without."

We all considered the question. Reese was the first to speak. "Well, being a keeper myself, I might be a tad biased but-"

"If you dare to utter Brooks Pruitt's name right now, I'm kicking you out of the kitchen," I interjected, shuddering.

She tossed a bunch of chocolate chips at my head, all of which bounced off and landed on the floor. "I was going to say _your_ keeper, you tosspot."

I grinned. "Ah, yeah, Cass is an excellent good choice. I'd probably pick Isla for seeker," I said. Hesitating, I added, "Or my sister."

Alice rolled her eyes. "You'd pick your sister, who isn't even on a team, over Bishop?"

"I'd pick anyone over Bishop."

"She may be a petulant diva, but that doesn't mean she's not a good seeker."

"So's Lils who isn't petulant or a diva."

Alice's eyebrow shot up while ripples of laughter slipped out of my various cousins' mouths.

I grinned sheepishly. "Yeah, okay, she can be a bit of both sometimes but she's better than Bishop. And she's one hell of a seeker. Anyone would be lucky to draft her for their fantasy league."

"Says the guy who refuses to let her try out for the team," Roxanne pointed out with the roll of her eyes.

"She can try out next year when I'm gone," I said with a sheepish grin.

More eye rolls from the peanut gallery before Zig spoke. "I'd probably pick up Malfoy for beater."

"Or one of the Scamander twins," Bryce considered.

"You can't win without chasers," Jax pointed out. "Quinn's a worthy choice."

"I'd choose Wilkes for any fantasy," Fred smirked.

I punched him in the shoulder.

"If we're choosing chasers, I'd pick Violet," Bryce chimed in.

"Ainsley's a good choice for chaser, too," Ryleigh added.

"We're running out of chasers," Alice laughed.

"There's still Kat and Albus from Slytherin," Reese pointed out.

Silence filled the room. "I'd choose Al over Kat," Rose growled. "Or I'd choose Kat along with a beater and hope my beater takes her out."

"That's an entirely different kind of fantasy, Rosie," I teased.

She shrugged.

"And you won't be winning any fantasy leagues when you're down a chaser," Jax pointed out.

"I'd happily lose if it meant taking that bitch out," Rose muttered.

More awkward silence filled the room.

"So I think it's safe to assume you and Al still aren't speaking to each other?" Fred questioned, nudging our cousin with his arm.

"I'm here, aren't I?" she snapped at him.

"Gee, and here I thought you just enjoyed our brilliant company," he shot back.

"I don't see any brilliant company around here— _ouch_!" she groaned as Fred tugged at the end of her ponytail. She turned around and smacked him in the arm, but he just laughed.

"I've barely seen Al or Kat in the past few days," Alice mused, shaking her head.

"Dash is in hiding, too," Fred pointed out.

"Shayne isn't," Rose drawled irritably. "She was telling anyone who would listen to her at dinner today how Dash and Kat have had a secret romance for months."

"Nothing like a brokenhearted prig spreading lies around to play up the victim card," Fred grunted. "Wait, did I say brokenhearted? I meant _cold_ -hearted."

Faint laughter filled the kitchens as I grabbed myself another cookie. "I can't believe we're still talking about the infamous foursome," I muttered, irritation dripping from my words. "Shouldn't this be old news by now?"

"It's only been two days. And seeing as your surname happens to be the same as his, you should know the gossip won't be dying down any time soon," Roxanne muttered irritably. "People love a good celebrity crisis."

"He's not a bloody celebrity," I snapped at her.

She sighed. "I know that," she sighed. "But tell that to the rest of the world."

I growled as I leaned my head back against the bench and stared up at the ceiling. "Can't they go find my father in bed with his secretary again?"

"It was his assistant," Fred reminded me.

Rose shot him a look. "It wasn't his secretary or his assistant because that never happened, you twat."

"Oh, right," he said with a sheepish grin.

"According to the _Daily Prophet_ it did," I muttered.

"According to the _Daily Prophet_ , your sister is also in a relationship with CJ for his father's money," Roxanne chimed in. "So I wouldn't go believing everything-"

I sat up sharply. "Why the hell would my sister be dating some guy for his money when our own father has millions to his name?"

" _Exactly_ ," Roxanne groaned.

I had often learned to ignore the press but sometimes, it couldn't be avoided. And the fact that there was nothing I could do about it made me hate the press even more.

"Fuck the press" was my very profound response.

Alice's response to that was to hand me a cookie.

I nibbled on it before changing the subject. "Oy, Reese," I spoke curiously, glancing towards the only Slytherin in the room, "Give us some insider scoop on my brother and that ex-bitch of his."

Most of us looked towards her in intrigue but she merely rolled her eyes. "Who says I have insider scoop?"

"Well, not only do you share a House with those two but you also share a pitch with them," I reminded her.

"And Bryce is dating a guy who happens to room with that brother of yours," she retaliated. "Ask her for insider scoop."

All of our heads swiveled towards the sixth-year Hufflepuff, who blinked like a deer in headlights. "Er…Noah and I don't exactly spend our time chatting about Al Potter," she pointed out with a shrug.

"He must have mentioned something," Rose practically pleaded.

She shook her head. "Only that Al refuses to speak to Scorpius and it's making hanging around the dorm a bit awkward. But nothing about Kat."

"Fucking hell, Al really needs to get over that," Rose muttered to herself.

"He kinda has some other things on his mind at the moment," Roxanne pointed out with an unapologetic shrug.

Rose glared at her cousin but before they could start into each other, I turned my attention back on Reese. "Well, Thompson is of no help whatsoever," I said. "So out with-"

"Gee, thanks," Bryce drawled.

"So out with it, Baby Girl," I urged. "You're the only one who's been around both of them. Are they fighting? Ignoring each other? Making up lies like Shayne is so set on doing? Crying in the corner? Sleeping their days-"

"I thought you were done talking about this," she interrupted.

"Evidently I'm not," I spoke briskly.

She tilted her head to the side curiously, studying me closely. Her violet eyes flickered with reluctance as she kept her gaze on me, only offering a reply after a curt sigh. "To my knowledge, they are completely on non-speaking terms with each other."

When she said nothing more, I prodded further. "How is that possible? You guys had practice this morning."

She sighed. "And he didn't speak a word to her. Didn't look at her either, now that I think of it," she murmured.

I couldn't help but wonder how this would affect our March match against them. Albus and Kat should feel grateful that it's two months away with the hope that whatever war they were going through may come to an end before then.

I, on the other hand, was hoping this would completely destroy them so that we could completely destroy them on the pitch.

I never said I was a nice person.

Seriously, never.

"Well, this is a perfect example as to why Gryffindor instated an internal Code regarding the dating of team members in addition to the schoolwide Code," I commented with a sly grin.

"Don't you worry that pretty little head of yours, Potter," Reese spoke with a smirk, reaching over to ruffle my hair. I swatted at her and she just laughed. "We'll still find a way to crush you come March."

"That match is two months away," Kye pointed out. "A lot can happen in that time."

"Right, like us crushing _your_ team in less than two weeks," I grinned.

Jax and Fred let out simultaneous cheers while Alice grinned at the same time that Kye snorted while Bryce shook her head and Ryleigh cried out, " _No way!"_

Laughter filled the room and Fred silenced it by saying, "How about a friendly bet, Carver?"

"Can you afford to lose some money, Weasley?" she retaliated.

"I don't lose, Ryles," he smirked.

"You'll be singing a different tune next Saturday."

"Twenty sickles?"

"Make it thirty and you've got yourself a deal."

He grinned. "Easiest thirty sickles I'll ever make."

She responded by smashing a cookie in his hair.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, CJ?"

I was fairly certain I'd be losing my voice the way I had been shrieking at CJ all practice.

"Sorry," he mumbled for what had to be the hundredth time that early morning.

I scowled as he looped around and moved back into the center of the field. He looked lethargic and distracted and fidgety, all of the things I needed him not to be a week and a half before our next match.

"Take five," I called out to the rest of the team before zooming off to where CJ was currently hovering. "CJ, what's with you today? You are playing like a rookie first year who's never seen a quaffle before."

He sighed. "I didn't get much sleep last night," he muttered.

"I'm lucky if I get a full four hours of sleep a night," I drawled with quite a bit of irritation. "Sleep is an anomaly around here and it never seemed to affect you before."

"Yeah, well, now it is," he growled, rushing past me.

I gaped and then chased after him. "I don't believe we were done with that conversation, Wood!"

"I thought by me flying away, we were in fact done."

Okay, when the hell did CJ get so cheeky?

Uh-oh, maybe he's been spending too much time around Sadie.

I grabbed the end of CJ's broom and pulled him backward. He let out a surprised yelp and then turned around to glare at me. "What do you want from me, Potter?"

Okay, when the hell did CJ start calling me 'Potter?'

"Well, for one, you could get rid of this attitude you've suddenly acquired," I scoffed. "And two, I want to know why the hell your head suddenly isn't in this goddamned game!?"

The frustration in his gaze quickly turned into regret. "Go ask your sister," he muttered before hurrying towards the ground and dismounting. He bypassed the rest of the team and quickly rushed off towards the locker room.

"WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU GOING, WOOD? _Practice isn't over!_ "

Not so unexpectedly, he ignored me and kept on walking.

There was a list of people who I knew loved to outwardly defy me, but I never thought CJ was one of them.

And apparently I had my sister to thank for that.

"Er…what was that about?"

I glanced to my right where Alice came up beside me.

"I don't know," I growled, "But I certainly plan to find out."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I couldn't find my sister on the Map anywhere, which irritated me beyond belief, but with my stomach rumbling for some nourishment, all I could do was go to the Great Hall for breakfast and put a conversation with my sister on hold. So instead of pestering her, I was the lucky fella who got to be pestered by my mother.

 _Dear James,_

 _I've sent several letters to your brother without a response. I'm really worried about him. He's never ignored my letters before. Please just tell me he's okay. Or at least that he will be okay. Just tell me something so that I don't have to continue worrying about him from so far away._

 _And please look after him. He needs you._

 _Love,_

 _Mum_

I decided writing back to her to let her know he refuses to let anyone "look after him" was not the way to reassure my mother things were okay with him.

Which they weren't. But I had a feeling she already knew that.

I briefly wondered why Mum wasn't asking me for details about the breakup but I assumed one of the other cousins passed along the information to their parents who would have in turn informed Mum.

A freshly-showered Alice slid into the breakfast table opposite me. Nodding her acknowledgement, she poured herself a glass of pumpkin juice. I slid the letter across the table towards her without a word.

Taking a sip out of her cup, she unfolded the letter and read it. She looked up at me and said, "What are you going to tell her?"

"I was hoping you'd help me with that."

She sighed and passed the letter back to me. "Well, I'd avoid the whole 'he's skipping classes and sleeping his days away' conversation."

"Yeah, I definitely wasn't going to put that in the letter," I drawled. Hesitating, I said, "Wait, he's skipping classes?"

"That is what I said."

I frowned. "That doesn't sound like him."

She shot me a look. "When your girlfriend of two years ups and cheats on you, you tend to not want to get out of bed. Not to mention, he's probably perfectly content avoiding the public eye right now."

I sighed. "What's he doing about food?"

"I'm assuming one of his roommates is helping in that department."

I let out another sigh. I don't think that when Mum asked me to look after Albus, getting secondhand information from Alice was quite what she had in mind.

Then again, I was hardly the right person to be looking after him.

"Dad asked me about it."

I glanced up at Alice. "About what?"

"Al."

I grimaced. Guess that answers my question as to why Mum wasn't pumping me for information. She was probably getting it from Neville. "Shit, I forgot about your father," I groaned. "What'd you say to him?"

"I didn't know what to say," she sighed, twisting the end of her ponytail around her finger. "But it seemed as if I didn't really need to say anything. He read the article just like the rest of us."

"I never actually read it," I said with a shake of the head.

She frowned. "Probably a good thing."

I sighed. "Why? What did it say?"

She looked at me hesitantly, taking her time to butter a scone before she spoke. "Someone with some real insider information sold that story to the press," she deflected.

Fuck. That meant it wasn't just rumors floating around but the actual truth.

"Well, let's see," I drawled irritably, "Who has firsthand knowledge of the incident and is a glutton for gossip? Who has been going around exaggerating the details of the affair to paint herself in an overly victimized light? Who happens to be friends with the biggest Queen Bees of the school who have always been willing to do anything for the right kind of attention?"

Alice looked at me wryly. "I'm assuming you're referring to Shayne."

"You would be assuming correctly."

Alice sighed. "Y'know, I think you were on to something last night about wishing people would just drop the subject."

"Fat chance of that happening," I muttered irritably, stabbing my fork into my eggs.

She winced and then changed the subject. "Did you talk to your sister?"

I sighed. "No, she was nowhere to be found."

Alice frowned. "Whatever happened between her and CJ, it can't be good," she murmured. "I've never seen CJ like that."

"Neither have I," I groaned. "Why is my family so prone to fuck-ups?"

"We don't know that Lily fucked up."

I shot her a look.

"Yeah, she probably fucked up."

The top of my upper lip twitched but I was too annoyed and drained to react any further than that.

"And to be fair, it wasn't Al that fucked up," Alice reminded me.

Not that I needed to be reminded.

"I don't know Kat all that well, never really cared to, but I think I might actually hate her more than Pruitt," I grumbled. "And that's saying a lot."

Alice let out a light chuckle. "That almost sounded like you cared about your brother."

Oh, Merlin, not this again.

I was thankfully saved from answering when we got interrupted by a commotion just outside the Great Hall. One-by-one students dashed out of their seats and rushed towards the exit, leaving me and Alice to share a quizzical look.

"What the hell is happening out there?" she muttered, dropping her fork to her plate and pulling herself off the bench.

I did the same and followed the crowd out, grabbing a nearby Hufflepuff and saying, "What's going on?"

"Your brother" was all she said but that had me sharing a knowing look with Alice before we both quickened our pace.

Pushing ourselves to the front, I saw a fuming Al confronting a bashful Dash.

"Well," I muttered to Alice, "Guess he finally got out of bed."

She shared a look with me. "It might have been better if he stayed there."

"Why mine?" he snapped. "Didn't you have your own bloody girlfriend you could shag? Why did you have to go after mine? Who _does_ that? What did I ever do to you?"

"Nothing," Dash pleaded, his face white with guilt. "This wasn't about you. We were both just in a weird place and-"

"Seems to be a little about me, doesn't it," he drawled.

Dash winced. "I don't know what else to say except that I'm sorry."

"Oh, you're _sorry_?" Albus growled. "Is that supposed to make it all better?"

"No," Dash murmured, hanging his head. "Nothing will make the situation better."

"A time-turner might."

"Don't you think you should be having this conversation with Kat instead of me?" he pleaded. "She's the one you're really mad at."

" _Pretty sure I'm mad at you, too_."

Dash nodded sullenly. "I know and I deserve that," he spoke softly. "But she's the one that really hurt you so your frustration should be with-"

"Pretty sure it takes two people to have sex, asshole."

My eyebrow shot up. It was already unusual for Albus to confront someone. It was even more unusual for him to outright insult them. And it was the most unusual for him to curse.

This had "not going to end well" written all over it.

Dash sighed, stealing a glance towards the onlooking crowd with an awkward wince. "I don't know what you want me to say here, Al," he muttered, clearly looking to disappear as quickly as possible.

Albus stared at him for a long time, his eyes unmoving and his expression still. "Was it worth it?" he eventually said, his voice as cool as ice.

Dash blinked. "What?"

"Was having sex with my girlfriend worth losing yours?"

The obvious answer would have been no.

And yet, Dash hesitated.

He fucking hesitated.

I was beginning to feel less bad for him.

"Was it worth it? No. Maybe. I don't know. But there's a reason it happened," Dash spoke vaguely, offering up a curt shrug. "I could stand here and blame it on the alcohol, but it never would have happened if we hadn't wanted it to."

Remember how I said the obvious answer would have been no?

 _That_ was just the opposite of the obvious answer.

Albus' eyes filled with an unexpected fury but before he could retort, a new voice chimed in. "Yeah, maybe if you knew how to satisfy your girl, Potter, she wouldn't have run into the arms of some other bloke."

We all jerked our heads towards the voice of noneother than a smug-looking Brooks fucking Pruitt.

Albus glared at him but it was another Potter entirely who responded to Brooks fucking Pruitt.

For the record, that other Potter was me.

"Yeah, and maybe if you knew how to satisfy your own, Pruitt, Brown wouldn't have propositioned me. _Twice_."

Brooks turned his red face towards me with a sneer. "You can't dredge up some bold-faced lie to counteract your wussy brother's girlfriend slutting it up with someone else. Doesn't work like that, Potter."

"You clearly don't know that girlfriend of yours if you think she's staying faithful towards you," I retaliated.

As expected, the anger in Brooks' eyes grew. "I'm pretty sure it's Lexington's faithfulness that's on trial here."

"There's nothing on trial here at all," I laughed, shaking my head. "My brother's personal life is not anyone's business but his own so how about you worry a little more about _your_ failing relationship and a little less on his?"

"Failing relationships must run in your family," Brooks retaliated, clearly ignoring my hopeful request. "Merlin knows you man-whore it up enough, don't even get me started on your prissy sister's gold-digging relationship, not to mention that sleazy father of yours sleeping around with his administrative staff when convenient, and if I recall, your slag of a mother apparently likes to get down and dirty with the _Daily Prophet's_ Editor in Chief."

I had my wand out in seconds. "Say one more thing about my family, Pruitt," I sneered, closing the gap between us and getting in his face. " _I dare you_."

"James, _no_."

I had expected that voice to come from Alice but it was far too manly for it to be hers. Glancing to my right I saw Albus standing there by my side. "Stay out of this, Al," I sneered.

" _You_ stay out of it," he barked at me, reaching for my wand. I tore it away before he could grab it and glared at him. He glared right back. " _James_ , stop inserting yourself into other people's fights!"

"He just insulted our family! That is my fight!"

"Oh, right, because you put such a high value on family," he said sarcastically, rolling his eyes at me. "Come off it, you'll use any excuse to fight with this prat and I'm not going to allow you to blame _me_ when you lose your Captain's badge."

Fuck, he had a point.

But punching Brooks Pruitt would be so incredibly cathartic right now…

What to do. What to do.

"Aw, look, who knew the spineless one could stand up to his own bully of a brother," Brooks smirked cheerfully. "You going to let itty-bitty Lilykins fight your battles next, Potter? Oh, no, wait all of you will just sit back and ride the battle-winning coattails of your so-called heroic father like the little puppets you are because all you are good for is being _second-rate fame-seeking celebrities_. Why else do you think Lexington chose to go out with you, Albus? You _really_ think she actually liked you?"

I lunged at the Ravenclaw, my Captain badge the last thing on my mind, but imagine my surprise when someone else got there first.

Imagine my even bigger surprise when I discovered it was Albus.

"I thought my brother warned you to stop insulting our family! _"_ Albus snarled, sending a well-placed right hook at the unsuspecting Ravenclaw.

I was all ready to jump in and help him out, but the back of my uniform was manhandled and I was being dragged backwards. "Aw, c'mon, _let me at him_!" I whined.

Cheers and catcalls and gasps and cries from the rather large crowd overpowered my pleas and I nearly tripped over my own feet, trying to set myself straight. Glancing over my shoulder, I was surprised to see Dash with his hands on my uniform.

"You heard him," Dash murmured. "It's his fight. Not yours."

I met the shame in his eyes and frowned. "You're the one he really wants to be fighting."

He nodded. "Don't worry, I brought backup to deal with him."

My brow furrowed curiously but before I could question him, a familiar voice boomed across the hallway.

"ALBUS SEVERUS POTTER, YOU LET GO OF HIM RIGHT THIS INSTANT! PUNCHING PRUITT ISN'T GOING TO MAKE YOUR EX-GIRLFRIEND ANY LESS OF A CHEATING TRAITOR!"

Rose was standing in front of the crowd with her hands on her hips, flames pouring out of her eyes.

Albus got in one last punch before scrambling off the Ravenclaw and turning on Rose. "Well, if anyone here would know about being a traitor, it would certainly be you," he hissed at her, wiping the blood pouring from his own nose as he attempted to stalk off.

"So I snogged your best mate. _Big fucking deal_ ," Rose grunted. "Is that _really_ what you're angry about? Is Dash's involvement in your break-up with Kat, however poor taste it may be, really what you're angry at? Is Brooks' uncreative attempt at riling you up _really what you're angry about_?"

Albus stopped, the crowd staring at him in anticipation. He slowly turned back around. "I don't give a shit about Kat if that's what you're insinuating," he deflected, shaking his head. As he did, beads of blood spilled off his face.

Rose frowned. "Maybe you don't care now," she spoke softly. "But you once did. And it's killing you to know she apparently didn't seem to feel the same way about you."

"I did," a small voice spoke. The crowd parted to reveal a shamed-faced Kat standing there.

"Oh, for fuck's sake," Rose muttered under her breath, glancing at the Slytherin with a scary-looking glare. "You have a lousy way of showing it, Lexington."

Kat ignored her, turning towards Albus who was doing a good job of staring at his feet. "I loved you, Al. I did. More than anything in the world. And I know that that is really unfair of me to say after what I did, but I never once lied to you when I said I loved you. Brooks is wrong. I didn't go out with you because you were a Potter, I went out with you because of you. And I could stand here and say I never meant to hurt you but that doesn't matter because I did. I could give you a bunch of excuses as to why it happened but that won't change anything. So all I can say is that I am so incredibly sorry for hurting you when you didn't deserve it. I'm sorry, Al. I really am."

Oh how I wanted to shove her apology up her arse and hex her into an oblivion.

A thick cloud of silence coated the foyer, eyes darting back and forth between the pair of exes, waiting for the next piece of gossip the students could spread throughout the hallways.

When Albus didn't respond, Rose's impatience kicked in. Which seemed logical since Rose had always been good at speaking on Albus' behalf. "I would just like to go on record saying that you're a shallow prig who doesn't deserve an ounce of Al's forgive-"

"Rose," Albus cut her off with a firm tongue.

She furrowed her brow. "Oh, please, Al, you can't honestly be buying this remorseful act she's-"

" _Rose_ ," he barked.

I could see how much Rose wanted to go off on Kat seeing as that was all she was ever typically good for so I was rather surprised and impressed that she managed to keep her mouth shut. Her temper almost always got the better of her.

Albus was staring at his ex-girlfriend now, his eyes dark but his expression one of curiosity. Another hush fell over the crowd as we all waited to hear what he had to say, whether he was going to forgive her or ream her out like he had yet to do.

"So is announcing your sad, pathetic apology in a crowdful of students suddenly supposed to exonerate that guilty conscience of yours?" Albus said, his voice gruff with disgust. "Is that what this is to you? Some publicity stunt to make yourself look better in an otherwise condemning situation?"

Ooooh, shit's going down.

I can't say I hated it.

It's about time Albus stood up for himself.

The surprise and hurt in Kat's eyes was unmistakable. "You know me better than that," she spoke, her bottom lip trembling.

My brother let out an incredibly loud scoff of disdain. "No, Kat, apparently I don't know you at all because the girl I thought I knew never would have whored herself out to someone else just because she was feeling a bit upset."

A round of 'oohs' trickled throughout the crowd and I felt a sick sort of satisfaction in seeing Kat's face fall into forlorn humiliation.

"And the guy I thought I knew never would have talked to me like that."

How wrong would it be to smack the shit out of this whiny girl?

And even if it was wrong, did I really care?

"When the girl I did nothing but love and care for sleeps with someone else," Albus spoke coolly, "I get to speak to her however I see fit."

"Al-"

"Don't," he spoke briskly, shaking his head adamantly. "I'm done talking about this. I'm done talking to you at all. We aren't friends. We aren't even acquaintances. We unfortunately happen to be teammates so for the sake of our Quidditch team, I'll act civil to you. I'll put on the smile and pretend everything's fine but don't expect me to forgive you and don't expect me to forget."

And with that, he turned around and started to walk away, crying over his shoulder, "Let's go, Rose!"

Rose looked confused for a half-second before a triumphant grin tugged at her mouth and she hastily rushed after him.

Guess they were back to being friends again.

The crowd broke out into furious whispers while Brooks used his sleeve to wipe the blood from his face and tears sprang to Kat's eyes.

Behind me, Fred ventured down the stairs, a look of confusion etched into his expression. "What the hell just happened here?"

I slung my arm around his shoulder and my other arm around Alice and guided us away from the group. "My brother confronted Dash, got into a fist fight with Pruitt, refused to take Kat's bullshit, and made up with Rose."

Fred blinked, sharing a look with Alice who was trying to hide a smile. Slowly, he glanced back at me. " _Your_ brother did all that?"

I nodded.

His eyes began to narrow. "No, seriously, what happened here?"

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I caught up with Lily just before dinner that night when I finally spotted her on the Map down by the lake. In January.

This couldn't be good.

Bundled up in multiple layers, I made the trek through the small dusting of snow towards the silhouette huddled on a bench by the lake. Dropping down beside her, I could see out of the corner of my eye that she looked just as distraught as CJ did that morning.

"What do you want?" she murmured, hugging her knees closely to her thin frame.

"Word around school is that you missed your morning classes."

She peered up at me. "Since when did you care about classes?" she scoffed.

"I don't," I said with a shrug, "But you always did."

"Wasn't feeling well," she lied.

I sighed. "You want to try that again with the real reason you missed class?"

"No."

I let out another sigh. This was going to be tougher than I thought.

"What's going on with you and CJ?" I asked point-blank.

She jerked her head towards me sharply. "What? Why…uh, why would you think something is up with me and him?"

I noticed she didn't say his name.

"Because he wasn't acting like himself at practice this morning."

She scowled. "Oh, is that all you bloody care about? Your stupid Quidditch team?"

I was going to pretend she didn't just call my Quidditch team stupid.

" _No_ ," I groaned, "I just knew something was off with him. And considering you are currently sitting in the freezing cold while it is quite literally snowing on you, I have a very good feeling that something might be off with you, too."

"It's nothing," she grunted.

I sometimes forgot just how stubborn my younger sister could be.

"Oh, no, it's definitely something," I argued with the same amount of stubbornness.

She shook her head at me. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Well, that's too bad because I do."

She glared up at me. "Can't you go pretend to care about someone else?"

"I'm sitting out in the snow for you!" I scowled, wondering why everyone was so convinced I didn't care about them. "Don't tell me I'm just pretending to care. For Slytherin's sake, you and Al are one and the same."

Her eyebrow popped up. "What is that supposed to mean?"

I shook my head. "It means, tell me what happened with you and CJ."

"He's a jerk, that's what," she scoffed.

I didn't like the sound of that.

Not because he was a jerk because let's face it, I always assumed he'd turn out to be one. But because if he was in fact a jerk to my sister, I'd have to kill him and that would mean finding a replacement for him on the Quidditch team in less than two weeks.

Yes, I really was this heartless.

"Yeah, and why's that?" I asked her.

"He doesn't get it."

So glad she wasn't being vague.

"I'm going to need more than that."

She huffed. "I told him that Albus was right to think he would have been better off never getting into a relationship with Kat because who wants to ever go through that kind of horrible heartbreak if it could be avoided and CJ blew up at me for no reason."

I gaped at her. "You told your boyfriend that the good in relationships may not outweigh the risks and you can't understand why he might take offense to that?"

"That isn't what I said!"

"It's a summarized version of what you said."

She scowled. "I wasn't even talking about me and CJ. I was talking about Al."

"You were generalizing which means that even if you didn't mean to, you were in fact talking about you and CJ."

She opened her mouth to retaliate, because that's what she did best, so imagine my surprise when she shut her mouth and let out a sigh. "And so what if I was?" she said timidly. "Considering how terrible everyone in our family is with holding on to actual relationships, isn't it better to just cut ties now than to stay together just to find a way to hurt each other in the end?"

That sounded way too cynical to be coming from my sister's mouth and I really didn't like that.

I was supposed to be the cynical one, not her and certainly not Al.

Shit.

Were my closed-off ways starting to rub off on them?

"That is no way to live, Lils," I spoke softly.

She met the concern in my gaze with a scoff in her own. "Potter, meet kettle."

I cringed and then shook my head at her. "Don't use me as your example," I pleaded. "Just because I'm not great in the relationship department doesn't mean you don't have to be. You deserve better than that, Lils."

I saw her bottom lip tremble and I had a feeling it wasn't because of the cold. "I don't want what happened to Al to happen to me," she spoke in such a quiet voice, I almost didn't hear her.

"I know," I said. "And in a world that is watching our every move, waiting for us to fail, I know it can be hard believing in yourself and believing in the good around us. But I can assure you, CJ's one of the good ones, Lils."

Her eyebrow popped upward.

"And if you tell him that, I will hex off your tongue," I warned.

She let out a slight smile before it faded. "I'm scared," she admitted.

Aren't we all.

"Of course you are," I said, nudging her with my shoulder. "You wouldn't be human if you weren't. All anyone wants to do is protect their heart from ever getting hurt. But pushing away all the people that matter to you isn't the way to accomplish that. You're just going to wind up hating yourself in the end for not going after all the things that you really care about, for not opening your heart to the people that matter. And that will ultimately just turn you bitter and sad and lonely. What kind of life is that?"

She hesitated before saying, "Uh…yours?"

Oh, she picked up on that, did she?

"I'm not lonely," I teased, nudging her again. "I've got you!"

She rolled her eyes. "Maybe you deserve better, too, James."

Maybe.

But let's face it. I wasn't going to change my routine anytime soon.

"We aren't talking about me," I reminded her. "We are talking about the fact that if you don't go make up with that boyfriend of yours, you are throwing away Gryffindor's chances at the Quidditch Cup. Do you really want that on your shoulders?"

She elbowed me hard and then rolled her eyes at me. "And there you go with your stupid Quidditch team again."

"Okay, I let you get away with calling my Quidditch team stupid earlier but say it one more time and I will be shoving a handful of snow down the back of your shirt."

She offered me a small smile and I considered that a success.

"Talk to CJ," I spoke softly. "You know you want to."

She met my gaze with tentativeness. "Never thought you'd be the one pushing me to talk to the guy."

I made a face. "I know. I must be growing up or something."

She hesitated. "No, that can't be it."

I laughed before pulling myself off the bench. "C'mon, I don't know about you, but I'm _bloody freezing_."

With a smile, she stood up and the two of us walked back to the castle together.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"I'm sorry about this morning."

I looked up from my playbook as CJ hovered awkwardly in front of me. "That better be code for 'I made up with your infuriating sister,'" I drawled.

He hesitated. "Er…well, I wouldn't use the word 'infuriating.'"

"Why not? I would," I snorted. "She might be the most stubborn person on the planet. When she gets an idea in her head, it's near impossible talking her out of it."

"Except that you apparently did just that."

I grinned sheepishly. "Ah, so she told you about our little conversation, did she?"

He nodded. "I was a little surprised actually. I would have assumed you'd rather celebrate our breakup than talk her out of it."

"That was hardly a breakup," I huffed. "It was more like a couple's spat. A tiny quarrel, if you will."

"That's the part you focus on?"

I shrugged. "Do I like you as her boyfriend, Wood? Not even a little bit. But-"

"That's interesting since she told me you thought I was one of the good guys," he smirked.

I hesitated before shutting my playbook and slowly climbing off the couch. "Excuse me while I go hex my sister's tongue off."

He laughed. "I don't think you hate me with her nearly as much as you pretend to."

I growled but ultimately conceded. "Let's just say you're not one of the worst people she could have chosen," I grumbled. "Now, any chance you know where my sister is?"

"Hiding from you and your possible hexing would be my guess."

I dropped back down on the couch with a scowl. "Well, she can't hide forever."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I didn't hex Lily but I gave her a stern talking-to about what private information she should be passing along to CJ. She didn't seem too bothered by it so I was fairly certain that whatever intimidation I might have once held was officially gone in her eyes.

Or maybe I never had any to begin with.

Practice on Wednesday morning went better than ever. CJ was clearly making up for his poor showing in our last practice because he was looking more focused than I could ever remember seeing. He was on his A game and it seemed to give us all the motivation we needed. We were perfecting challenging plays on every first try and it gave me such hope. If we kept this up, Hufflepuff didn't have a shot against us. No one did.

My mother sent me two more letters about Albus before I finally responded, letting her know that Al was no longer pretending to be okay because he actually _was_ okay. It was a strange turn of events as Kat walked the halls miserably and Albus didn't. He had apparently gotten over Rose and Scorpius' snogfest (for now anyway) and the three of them wandered the halls with genuine smiles on their faces. He had come out of hiding, venturing to the library to do schoolwork and laughing with his friends in the Great Hall and leading Quidditch practice as if his ex-girlfriend wasn't on the pitch with them.

"Maybe this is a good thing," I commented at lunch that Wednesday when I heard Albus' laugh across the Great Hall.

"Oh, yeah, breakups are always good," Fred said sarcastically as he shoved potatoes into his mouth.

"Like you'd know," Alice laughed.

"Look at him," I said, ignoring their banter. "He actually seems happy. And he's standing up for himself and not avoiding confrontation and being far more outspoken than I've ever seen him. Maybe this whole thing with Kat wasn't the worst thing to happen to him."

When I glanced up from my own plate, I was met with identical looks of awe.

"What?" I groaned.

"You just seem strangely invested in the life of someone you've spent the last six years actively ignoring," Fred spoke cautiously.

I sighed. "He's my brother. I'm forced to notice things."

"Sure, you're forced to notice them," Alice said, "Nut no one is forcing you to say them out loud."

I rolled my eyes. "Well, I officially regret bringing the subject up."

"Oh, no, please go on," Alice teased, wiggling her eyebrows. "What else is different about Al?"

"Don't make me throw potatoes at you," I whined.

Alice laughed. "For what it's worth, I think you're right," she said with a shrug. "About him being different. Not necessarily about the breakup being a good thing."

I glanced back over at the Slytherin table where I noticed Reese had joined the threesome. "Y'know," I said with a small smile, "As rare as it is, I actually think all seems right with the world again. Lily and CJ got over their weird conflict, Al looks to be moving on, he and Rose are back to being friends, Pruitt got punched and that's always fun, Rose and Jax seem to be on good terms again, not to mention our Quidditch team looks killer. Things might actually turn out okay for once."

If I had known what was going to happen next, I might not have said that out loud.

So perhaps a part of me was to blame for everything blowing up in my face that very same night.

I was walking back to the Gryffindor Tower after a chocolate fix in the kitchens when someone came running around the corner and slammed into me.

"Oof!" I said, both of us staggering towards the ground. Groaning, I glanced at the culprit. "Bloody hell, Tannehill, where are you off to in such a hurry?"

She said nothing, picking herself off the ground and stepping past me to continue her hurried journey down the hallway.

"What, no apology?" I called out after her.

She whirled around and I only noticed then how white her face was. "Gee, was it your arse I bruised or that precious ego of yours?" she snarled.

Well, someone was in a mood.

"What's with you?" I retorted.

She shook her head and took off again.

"Oy, shouldn't you be at practice right now?" I called out after her once again. "You can't just schedule the pitch and not use it, Tannehill! That's against the rules!"

She froze at the end of the hallway, slowly turning around to face me. "Practice got cut short," she muttered.

When she didn't elaborate, I pressed on. "Why? Did something happen?"

Her eyes softened with a flicker of weariness. "Yeah," she whispered. "Ryleigh got knocked in the face by a bludger."

I winced. "Shit."

"She's unconscious in the hospital wing right now," she choked out.

My eyes widened. " _Shit_ ," I said again.

"I know," she muttered, shaking her head solemnly. "I have to find Professor McGonagall."

"Is she going to be okay?"

Kye frowned and said nothing.

I took that as a very bad sign.

I closed the gap between us, not wanting to have a conversation with half a hallway between us. "Carver's one of the strongest girls on your team, Tannehill. She'll come out of this and you'll be laughing about it in a week's time. She'll be on that pitch come game day."

Kye looked at me before slowly shaking he head. "You weren't there," she muttered. "You didn't see how bad it was."

If it was really that bad, I couldn't help but be glad that I hadn't been there.

I switched gears. "Why aren't you in the hospital wing with her?" I asked curiously.

She hesitated. "I need to tell McGonagall what happened."

"Madam Clearwater can do that."

Kye didn't say anything, a flicker of guilt passing across her eyes.

"Oh," I said in a sudden realization. "You were the one that hit her, weren't you."

Her bottom lip trembled. "I didn't even see her," she choked out. "I was sending the bludger towards Violet who was getting ready to score and before I knew what was happening, it was hitting Ryleigh straight in the face and then she was falling and she hit the ground with this horrible crunching sound and we're all crowding around her freaking out and she's not moving and none of us knew what to do and half of us are crying and the other half are in shock and-"

"Kye, stop. _Breathe_ , girl," I cut her off, placing my hands square on her shoulders and offering what I could only hope was a reassuring smile.

She took in a few deep breaths before looking at me with guilty eyes. "Sorry," she murmured, shaking her head. "I don't know why I'm dumping all of this on you."

"Maybe because I know a thing or two about the pressure of being Quidditch Captain," I spoke with a shrug, pulling my hands off her shoulders when I realized she had calmed down.

She frowned. "At least your star chaser isn't in the hospital wing."

"If my star chaser was in the hospital wing, he wouldn't be here talking to you," I said, flashing her a grin.

She shot me a look. "You're making a joke at a time like this?"

"It's pretty much all I'm good for."

She just sighed. "I've really got to go."

"Go to the hospital wing, Kye," I said with a nod. "Be with your friend. She'll want you there when she wakes up."

Unexpected tears filled the Hufflepuff's eyes. "I have to go," she muttered again. She half-turned before glancing back at me. "You're kinda a nice guy, Potter, y'know that?"

I shrugged. "It happens occasionally."

She offered me a small smile before disappearing.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"I'm not doing your bloody Herbology homework, Weasley," Alice snapped.

"Aw, c'mon! I hurt my hand in practice yesterday and can barely lift a quill," Fred pleaded. "It's the least you could do for me."

"And what's your excuse for not picking up a quill for the last six years?" she snorted.

"Oh, that's easy. Laziness."

I dropped on to the couch beside them but I went unacknowledged.

"I'm not writing your essay for you, Fred," she grunted. "So stop asking."

"You don't have to write it for me. You just have to share yours with me."

" _I'm not giving you my essay_."

"Fine, then just slip it on to the table in front of you and if it happens to go missing for a few hours, well so be it."

I decided that was the time to interrupt their bickering match.

"There's trouble on the Hufflepuff team," I interjected.

Scowling at each other for a lingering second, they eventually both turned towards me. "Of course there is. Girls mean drama and that's a team full of girls," Fred spoke.

Alice stabbed him in the arm with her quill.

"No, not girl trouble," I countered. "Team trouble."

They both looked interested now. "How so?" Alice asked.

I grimaced in anticipation. "Well, Tannehill decided it would be a good idea to smack her chaser in the face during practice," I explained. "And apparently it wasn't a minor injur-"

"Wait, what?" Fred interrupted, his voice unexpected frantic. " _Who_?"

I cringed at his sheer volume. "Ow, that's my eardrum."

He shook his head hastily as he struggled to climb off the couch. "Who got hit, James?" he pleaded. " _Who was it?"_

Alice was looking at him in bewilderment and I was certain my expression matched hers. "Calm down, mate. I'm sure she'll be back before we play them next-"

"For fuck's sake, James, I don't care about the damned match! _Who the hell got hit_?"

I gaped at him, trying to wrap my head around the sudden behavioral change in Fred before shrugging and saying, "Carver. She's in the hospital wing now, but—Fred? _Where the hell are you going_?"

His books and his wand lay discarded on the coffee table as he sprinted out of the common room without another word.

My mouth hung open as I stared at the portrait hole he had just made a hasty exit out of. Glancing over at Alice, I said, "What the hell was that about?"

She slowly shook her head, her brow furrowing in confusion. "I really don't know," she murmured, but I could see the wheels turning in her head as she replayed the last few seconds in her mind.

"Why does he even care who got hit? Does it even really matter?" I questioned.

A frown seeped into her jawline. "It shouldn't," she spoke hesitantly. "Unless…"

"Unless what?"

Her eyes widened as a look of awe-filled realization settled into her now ashen face. "Oh, shit."

That didn't sound good.

"What?"

"It can't be," she whispered.

"What can't be?"

She shook her head as if that would change the thoughts rolling around in her head. "Holy mother of…" she trailed off in awe. "Can it be?"

" _Can what be_?"

She finally met my gaze, her eyes now wide with a sort of paralyzed surprise. "We've got to get to the hospital wing," she announced and before I could ask why, she was dashing off towards the exit herself.

I stared after her, dumbfounded. "Bloody hell, what is with my friends walking away from me without an explanation!"

And then I took off after her.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Alice wouldn't say a word to me as we raced through the hallway, continuing to mutter under her breath that she couldn't believe it, and I was getting increasingly frustrated by it. We dashed up the winding stairwell leading up to the hospital wing and barged in on the tail-end of a yelling match between Fred and Kye while the rest of the Hufflepuff team watched on in curiosity.

" _Why won't you tell me if she's okay?"_

"Because it's none of your business, Fred!" Kye hissed. "I don't know what your agenda is here, but-"

"I have no agenda!" Fred cried out, his voice unexpectedly hoarse.

"Yeah, right," she sneered. "Why else would you be here?"

I could see Fred's hands shaking at his side as he answered. "I just want to know if Ryleigh is okay. Why can't you just answer a simple question?"

"Because I don't know the goddamned answer!"

Fred's face paled as he went silent.

Alice took that time to intervene. "Er…guys, do you think perhaps yelling in the middle of the hospital wing is not the most productive use of your time?" she murmured.

The bickering duo along with the rest of the Hufflepuff team swiveled their heads in the direction of the Head Girl.

"To be fair, I asked that same question about five minutes ago when Clearwater left to go in search of McGonagall," Bryce Thompson murmured.

Kye shot her teammate a look over her shoulder before returning her gaze back on to me and Alice. "What the hell are you two doing here?" Kye snarled.

That was a very good question.

Without waiting for us to answer, she glared at Fred and said, "And I'm supposed to believe you don't have an agenda?"

"I don't know why they followed me!" Fred snapped.

"Fred," Alice pleaded. "Let's leave the team be for now and have a little chat outside. They'll be able to tell you later how she's-"

" _I am not leaving!_ " he yelled at her in a tone I was certain I had never witnessed from him before.

" _Fred_ ," Alice said desperately but he just glared at her and shoved past Kye in an attempt to get to the hangings-covered bed where I could only presume Ryleigh was currently lying.

Kye with all of her super-human strengthstepped in front of him to cut him off. "Get the hell out of here. All of you," she barked, her glare settled on Fred. "This is a Hufflepuff team matter and you have no business being here."

"Kye, _please_ ," Fred begged, a surprising amount of desperation dripping from his words. "What is the harm in letting me see her?"

I stared at my friend in utter bewilderment, seeing a frantic side of him I had never seen before.

 _What the hell was going on here_?

"Why do you _want_ to see her?" Kye growled, a question I very much wanted the answer to as well. "Since when did you care so much about Ryleigh?"

It was like watching a deer getting caught in headlights as Fred's eyes filled with a hesitant sort of helplessness. He stared at Kye and then glanced over at the other team members and then turned to look at me and Alice, a sad frown turning his mouth downward.

"I just do" was his eventual vague response.

Snorts of protest fell from the Hufflepuffs and Kye shook her head at him. "For fuck's sake, Weasley, you fool around with her a handful of times four months back and suddenly you feel all misty-eyed when she gets injured? Is that what this is? Did you somehow grow a heart in the past few months?"

Fred's looked hardened, a glare at the edge of his expression. "And so what if I did?" he practically pleaded.

She looked at him before letting out a loud snort of protest. "I'd laugh at the absurdity of it," she drawled. "Get the hell out of here."

I saw the anger flare up in Fred's eyes and all I could continue to do was wonder what the hell was happening. I glanced over at Alice who seemed to not be as confused as I was. Instead, she seemed panicked.

 _What was going on_?

"Y'know what, Kye?" Fred hissed at the Hufflepuff. "You don't run the hospital wing. You can't throw me out. I have as much right being here as you do."

"As some random ex-shagmate of her, I have to disagree," she seethed.

Fred's eyes darkened to the point of black, the frustration bouncing off his expression in waves of rage. "I'm not just some random ex-shagmate to her, Tannehill," he spoke gruffly, taking a looming step towards her.

" _Fred, don't_ ," Alice cried out pleadingly.

I jerked my head towards her in frantic bewilderment.

Fred ignored her, instead closing the already small gap between himself and Kye and said in an unexpectedly calm tone, "I'm her boyfriend."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

 **A/N:** Aaaaaaaand finally Fred's secret is outed! Who saw it coming?

Up next: how will everyone react?


	19. Bitter

**A/N:** Ta-da, back with another chapter for the New Year. Loved all the reviews and encouragement after last chapter's cliffie! There is still so much left to this story, which includes many more twists and turns. Can't wait to share them with all of you and I especially can't wait to hear all of your feedback. Without further ado, THE AFTERMATH!

* * *

 **A WAY WITH WORDS**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 19: Bitter

" _That's just you though shallow and selfish.  
So I go now oh my hollow one today.  
If I could change anything then I would change everything.  
These bitter days shall remain."  
_-Nine Days

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"I'm her boyfriend."

The hospital wing went silent. None of us moved. The shock of Fred's confession danced tauntingly in the air. I was vaguely aware that my jaw was lopsided. My legs felt numb. My mind was racing. My heart heavy.

And then all hell broke loose.

"What the hell are you talking about, Fred?" I hissed.

"You're full of shit. There's no way you're her boyfriend. You avoid commitment like the bloody plague," Kye snapped.

"This has to be some kind of practical joke," the Hufflepuff team agreed in unison.

"I warned you not to say anything," Alice sighed.

Fred frowned, glancing amongst the looks of disbelief before saying, "No, I'm not joking. We've been dating for nearly four months."

I gaped at him, along with everyone else in the room. " _Four months_?" I growled with a combination of both anger and confusion.

Kye's eyes narrowed. "Hold up, _you're_ the one she's been sneaking around with?"

" _She's been sneaking around with someone_?" the Hufflepuff team grunted.

"Really should have kept your mouth shut, Fred," Alice muttered.

"Uh, yeah, I guess I'm the one," he muttered, glancing at Alice as he began to realize that she was probably right.

" _Uh, hi, did you forget about the bloody Code_?" I snapped.

"I cannot believe you two are breaking the Code!" Kye groaned.

"Does the Code mean nothing to you?" the Hufflepuff team growled.

"And of course the Code comes up," Alice sighed.

"I don't care about the Code, I care about her," Fred pleaded. "Can I please just see her now, Kye?"

She gaped at him, much like the rest of us, before letting out a confused scoff. "Uh, not until you explain how the hell this happened," she hissed.

I saw the guilt and nervousness in Fred's eyes but I was too busy dealing with my own shock to care.

"What's there to explain?" he murmured, offering up a shrug. "We were just fooling around for a while and it somehow turned into something more. We didn't plan it. It just happened. I know it probably doesn't make a whole lot of sense to you, but the truth is, it barely makes sense to me either. I just know that I like her."

"Yeah, you like her so much you decided to hide it from all of us," I seethed.

Fred turned towards me slowly. "I had to hide it from all of you," he spoke softly. "The Code, remember?"

"Oh, so you _do_ remember the Code then?"

He grimaced. "James-"

"We have a Quidditch match in _ten days_ , Fred," I hissed, my mind suddenly going into panic mode. " _Ten goddamned days_. And you're honestly standing here telling me that you're dating one of their players!? _What the hell is the matter with you_?"

"You're being dramatic," he sighed.

"I'm not being dramatic, _I'm being realistic_ ," I growled, a flurry of emotions sending a warpath of frustration through my veins. "I refuse to let you fuck over your entire team just so you can fuck some Hufflepuff hussy!"

" _Jay_ ," Alice groaned.

" _She's not just some girl_ ," Fred hissed at me, his eyes darkening. "She's the only girl for me. I've never felt this way about anyone."

"Oh for the love of Morgana," Kye scoffed in disgust as she rolled her eyes.

My sentiments exactly.

"You want to be a loving, devoted pansy for some doe-eyed girl, go right ahead," I growled, "Just don't do it with a goddamned Quidditch player!"

" _James_ ," Alice warned.

"Actually, I can't help but agree with James on that one," Kye muttered as if to remind us that she was still in the room.

And because the Hufflepuff team can't do anything on their own, they all nodded in agreement with their Captain.

"Look, mate," I said to Fred in a slightly desperate manner, "I know what it's like. They're irresistible, those Quidditch players. They really are. They wiggle their ass in your face and they smile all cute at you and they look bloody fantastic on a broom and so you find yourself chasing after them for the thrill of it all, but they are not worth throwing away all that we've worked towards for _years_ now on that goddamned Quidditch pitch! _Think about what you're doing_."

He looked at me in disbelief before a glare settled into his expression. " _You_ know what it's like?" he repeated with a sneer. "What, because you pretended you had some sort of feelings for Hattie for all of _five bloody minutes_ , you think you have a clue what my feelings for Ryleigh are? She isn't just some girl I've been fooling around with off-and-on for months and decided out of the blue because I was bored that day that it would be a hoot to date her. _I have genuine feelings for her, James_."

"Well, find a way to get rid of them because we have a goddamned Quidditch match in ten bloody days!"

" _James_ ," Alice pleaded.

"Oh, would you just shut up, Ace?" I snapped at her and as expected, she gaped at me in shocked anger.

"No, you might want to listen to her," Fred hissed at me. "Because she's clearly the only one out of the two of you who has a heart."

" _Fred_ ," Alice growled, a glare etched into her face.

"This isn't about your goddamned heart," I snapped at Fred, ignoring Alice completely. I had a feeling I'd have to pay for my 'shut up' comment later, but right now this wasn't about her. "It's about doing what's right for the people who have come to count on you, a team who _needs_ you on that pitch in ten days. Doesn't that mean something to you?"

Fred hesitated. He fucking hesitated.

"Well, guess there's my answer," I barked.

He sighed. "My feelings for Ryleigh are real, James. They aren't going anywhere. And I'm sorry if that messes with your Quidditch plans, but there's nothing I can do about that."

My blood was boiling, anger and frustration surging through my every vein. "Sure you can," I sneered. "You can break up with her."

" _James!_ " Alice snapped, smacking me with her arm.

"Shh, let's see what Fred says," Kye muttered.

At least someone was on my side.

Fred blinked in disbelief at my request, his eyes narrowing at me as an overwhelming resentment flickered in his enraged expression. "You want me to break up with a girl who's unconscious in a hospital bed?" he hissed.

"No, of course not," I said with a shrug. "You can wait until after she wakes up."

Fred lunged at me but Alice grabbed the back of my shirt and pulled me away just in time, tossing me towards the door. " _Outside now, James_."

I shoved her arm off of me, shooting her a glare. "It's the only solution, Ace!"

" _I'm not breaking up with her just so you can bag some ridiculous Quidditch win, you self-serving prick!_ " Fred shouted.

"You never used to think Quidditch was ridiculous before!" I childishly retaliated.

" _James, stop_ ," Alice hissed, pushing me towards the door once again, this time with more force.

"I never used to think you were ridiculous before now either!"

" _Why you little -"_ I didn't get to finish my sentence, however, as Alice had pulled open the hospital wing doors and shoved me in the hallway.

"He's fucking lost it," I sneered, furiously pacing back and forth in front of Alice.

"Funny, I was going to say the same thing about you."

I jerked my head up to glare at her. "Have you not been paying attention?" I hissed. "Fred has been dating Ryleigh goddamned Carver _for four bloody months_ and is going to ruin our chances of getting that Quidditch Cup! And what's worse is he doesn't seem bothered by that!"

Alice remained annoyingly calm as she studied me, her head tilting curiously to the side. "Tell me, Jay," she spoke softly, "What exactly are you so angry about? The fact that he broke the Code? Or the fact that he's been lying to you for four months?"

I immediately opened my mouth to react but no words came out because the truth was, I wasn't entirely sure of the answer. I just saw red. I was angry and upset and frustrated and confused all rolled into one, a jumble of conflicting emotions running through my heart and my heart all because of Fred. He had lied to me so many times and even after I had confronted him, he continued to lie. And I knew why he felt compelled to keep it from me, I knew the Code was enough to keep him silenced, but it still felt like one big slap in the face. We were supposed to be best mates but how could I consider him such a good friend when he's been keeping such a big secret from me since the beginning of the year?

And now the Quidditch match was on the line. I knew that I had to train Hugo in only ten days to replace our best beater on the team. _Ten days_. Hugo was decent but he was not match-ready. But I had no other choice because I knew that Fred and Ryleigh's relationship was going to be exposed the moment those Hufflepuffs left the hospital wing. It was inevitable. I couldn't pretend to ignore it. It was out there and unfortunately, I was the one dealing with the consequences.

I could feel the anger bubble up inside of me even more at the very thought and I glanced over at Alice who still appeared to be unruffled, which just made me more irritated.

"Why aren't you upset about this?" I deflected. "He screwed you, too, y'know."

She considered the question before shrugging. "I'm upset," she sighed. "And I'm hurt. Most of all, I'm confused. I don't like being deceived and I really don't like being lied to by someone I trusted. And if this was anyone else on our team, I'd probably be ready to tear him a new one for putting us in this precarious position ten days before our match. But-"

"There's no 'but,' Ace," I pleaded, shaking my head at her. "We _are_ in a precarious position and it's all because of him. I think we are well in our right to be angry and frustrated."

She hesitated. "I think we are in our right to be angry over the timing of it all," she corrected. "But are we really going to be angry with him for keeping something from us that we both knew he had to?"

"Yes!" I snapped. "Because maybe if he hadn't kept it from us, we could have told him to shut it down before it became anything. Maybe we could have stopped this from happening. Or hell, if that hadn't worked, we would have at least had more time to train Hugo."

"Oh, right, because you would have been so accommodating if Fred willingly resigned from the team," Alice drawled.

"At least he would have been upfront about it," I snapped.

She sighed. "Even if he was upfront about it, you would have hated it."

"You're damned right I would have hated it," I seethed, my fists clenching at my side. "Why her? Why Carver? Why does he always have to go after all the wrong girls? All the wrong Quidditch-playing girls?"

She frowned. "You can't always help who you like, Jay."

"This is Fred we're talking about," I growled. "It's not like he's Mr. Monogamy. I'm fairly certain he could have helped it if he had really thought about the consequences."

She let out another sigh and I could tell we both thought very differently of the situation.

"Yeah, this is Fred we're talking about," she spoke softly. " _Our friend_. And I can't help but think about everything he's going to have to deal with this gets out. The school gossipers are going to rip him apart. The Quidditch teams are going to laugh in his face. The girls are going to mutiny around him. The guys are going to mock him endlessly. The Roast could destroy him. And for what? All because he fell for a girl?"

No. All because he fell for the wrong girl no matter how right it might have felt to him.

Maybe I was being callous and shallow and spiteful, but all I could say to her was, "He deserves what's coming for him."

She sighed. "James-"

But I ignored her, instead turning around and walking off.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I found Hugo chatting with CJ and Lily in the corner of the common room when I stormed in. Walking over to them, I said, "You're going to be a starting beater in next week's match, Hugo. Congratu-fucking-lations."

He gaped at me like a deer in headlights. " _What_?"

"Fred's out. You're in. Get ready."

And with that, I disappeared up the stairs, climbed into bed, and pulled the covers over my head to block out the world around me.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Word got out the very next morning and it rippled through the school like fiendfyre.

I pretended to ignore it, buttering my scone and sipping my pumpkin juice at breakfast with a careless smile on my face as if none of it bothered me.

(For the record, it definitely did.)

But when someone asked me about the rumors, I commented on the beautiful winter weather we were having.

When I caught people looking over at me, I flashed them a smile.

When my sister begged for details, I told her breakfast was my favorite meal of the day.

When others asked me if the rumor was true, I talked about the impending snowstorm.

It infuriated everyone but it was pretty much the only way I knew how to survive the day without completely imploding. And considering I already had to replace one member of my Quidditch team, I could hardly afford to lose myself for the match, too.

"James."

I was all ready to comment on the smell of snow in the air, but when I turned around and saw Kye there, I couldn't bring myself to ignore the situation. Looking at her, my heart nearly sank into my chest. Her eyes were bloodshot and her face bright white. Heavy bags rested under her eyes that told me she probably didn't sleep at all last night. "Hey," was all I could think of to say.

She slid on to the bench beside me with a nod. "How you holding up?"

I sighed. "I really hate that question."

"Yeah. I know," she muttered, rubbing her temples. "Just so you know, Pruitt's already come up to me to remind me that-"

"Whatever he told you, please just tell me you socked him in the face."

"I figured I'd leave that one up to you seeing how good at it you are," she drawled. "The full moon is Saturday."

To anyone else, it would have been a random segue. To me, it was a reminder that the infamous Roast always occurred on the night of the full moon.

"So we've got two days to break those two up," I muttered irritably.

She shook her head. "It doesn't matter if they break up before then, they still broke the Code. And that means the Roast will go on as planned."

"Then why the hell are you even bothering to tell me this?" I snapped at her.

Her eyes narrowed. "Because whether you like it or not, you and I are in the same boat here, Potter. And not just because we're both Quidditch Captains but also because our supposed best friends lied to us for four fucking months. I assumed if anyone could understand what I'm dealing with right now, it would be you."

I grimaced, realizing that my attempt at not caring about the rumors in the air was a total failure. "You're right. I'm sorry," I muttered.

Her eyebrow popped into her forehead. "Well, I'll be damned. I wasn't aware you knew what an apology was."

I shot her a look. "You want me to go back to snapping at you?"

She frowned, tearing her gaze off me and looking off towards the Ravenclaw table. Following her gaze, I saw Brooks laughing alongside Callum Finch and I wanted nothing more than to beat that laugh straight out of him.

"I don't even know if Ryleigh will be out of the hospital wing by Saturday."

I froze, realizing only then that during all of the spectacle related to her relationship with Fred that I hadn't once thought about her post-injury progress. "Did she wake up?" I dared to ask.

Kye nodded sullenly. "Last night," she murmured. "Right in time to hear our argument evidently."

I cringed. "Well, then I can't imagine she's my biggest fan right now," I muttered, recalling my request to Fred to break up with her.

Kye looked at me before shaking her head. "Not so much, no."

I let out a frustrated grunt. "They're the ones who broke the fucking Code. They don't get to be pissed at us for reminding them of that fact."

"Er…I think it was more your 'Hufflepuff hussy' comment that annoyed her."

I shrugged indifferently. "The Roast needs to happen on Saturday," I spoke boldly. "While it's still fresh. They need a definite reality check."

"I was more thinking we could use some time to calm down over this or I can't say Ryleigh will be too happy with what I have to say to her," Kye muttered irritably.

"She deserves to hear it," I argued defensively. "And so does Fred. There's a reason these Roasts happen. It's to remind them that their actions have goddamned consequences and I, for one, am not going to baby them during it."

Kye turned away from me again with another frown. "Well, if Ryleigh is out before Saturday, your wish could come true."

"Standard concussion protocol is a three-night hospital wing stay," I reminded her. "She should be out by Saturday afternoon."

" _If_ she's cleared of all concussion indicators. If not, she could be in there for up to a week, maybe longer."

I recalled the time I had had a concussion as a third year and was forced to stay in the hospital wing for six days, not to mention the weeks I was grounded so my head could heal. Glancing at her, I frowned. "Did it seem as if she had a concussion?" I asked cautiously.

Kye said nothing at first, her eyes refusing to look up at me. She finally said, "I don't know. I wasn't really too focused on that part since I'm already forced to replace her on the pitch next week so whether she'd be out with a concussion wouldn't really matter. And I didn't really stick around to find out what was going on. I was too annoyed at the time, but…" she trailed off and I could practically feel the guilt bouncing off her expression. I had a feeling she was torn between being furious with her friend and worrying about her.

"Hey," I said, nudging her with my arm.

Kye glanced towards me reluctantly.

"She'll be okay," I urged, mustering up a reassuring smile.

She met my gaze in slight surprise. "Yeah, I guess," she murmured. Hesitating, she added, "Fred hasn't left her side since last night."

My smile rolled into a sneer. "Good. That means less time I have to deal with him."

Kye let out a forced chuckle while she picked herself off the bench. "When the hell did your cousin decide to grow a heart anyway?"

"Evidently, four months ago," I muttered irritably.

She looked at me with a sigh. "I can't believe I didn't pick up on any of this before."

I thought back on the last four months and then quickly ignored it. "And why should we have picked up on this? It's not as if Fred is known for his monogamy skills. In fact, he's pretty much known for the opposite."

"Yeah, I know, but-"

"No but," I argued, shaking my head. "Don't put any blame of this on you. It's not on us, Tannehill. It's on them. They're the ones screwing us over."

The caution in her stance turned back into irritation. "This just had to happen nine days before the match, didn't it," she scoffed.

"At least we're both in the same boat, I guess," I murmured with a shrug.

"Not really," she said with a hint of a smile. "Seeing as I know exactly which reserve you'll be using, as in your only one, and you don't know which one of my two reserves I'll be training."

I hesitated. "Any chance you're about to tell me?"

"No bloody way."

"Aw, c'mon!" I teased. "What about a hint? Blink once for Shaina and twice for Talya."

Kye just laughed and walked off.

"Was that two blinks?!"

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

It was official. There was no good place to hide at Hogwarts.

The gossip mill was running rampant and evidently I was supposed to be a good source of information, no matter how little information I actually provided. I had started off in my common room with my playbook but when I lost count of how many people came up to me begging for details, I thought it was best to skip out. My bedroom unfortunately had Parker Jessup laughing at the prospect of Fred in a committed relationship (apparently telling him to shut up had the opposite effect) and Dash whining about how insane it was that his relationship was a bust and yet Fred had an actual girlfriend (that one I couldn't help agree with). I wandered the hallways for a while but kept coming across other students dying for information. That's when I ended up in Alice's bedroom but that didn't quite have the same effect as I had hoped either.

"I hate people," I announced when I barged through the door and dropped on to the end of her bed with a groan.

She jumped and whirled around. "Haven't you ever heard of knocking?"

"I am in the middle of a crisis. Do you honestly think I have time for knocking?"

She rolled her eyes and dropped her quill on to her parchment before joining me on the bed. "Which part of the current situation we're in are you referring to as the crisis?"

"Uh, all of it?" I snorted.

She rolled her eyes. "How's training going with Hugo?"

"He wasn't too happy about me waking him up at the crack of dawn this morning so let's just say practice this morning started out a bit testy," I muttered. "But I suppose it got better. Sorta."

"That sounded confident."

I shrugged and found my gaze lifting towards the ceiling along with a quiet sigh. "For the first time in I don't know how long, my heart really isn't into Quidditch."

With a knowing nod, she said, "Because it's too busy dealing with Fred?"

I stole a peek her way. "He hasn't said a word to me all day."

Hesitation flickered in her blue eyes. "That might have something to do with you demanding him to break up with his girlfriend."

I scowled. "It wasn't an unreasonable request!"

She cringed. "Don't hate me for saying this but it kinda was."

I glared at her. " _Are you really on his side_?"

"I'm not on anyone's side," she sighed. "But did you honestly think he'd just break up with a girl he's been dating for four months because you told him to? If it was that easy, he would have done it a long time ago and spared us this little predicament."

"I think we are far past _little_ predicament," I scowled, jumping off the bed to pace the floor. "You're still on the 'I feel bad for Fred' train, aren't you."

She looked up at me and I saw the answer staring back at me.

"He screwed us over, Ace!" I hissed. "As friends and as teammates. How can you just forgive him for that?"

"Well, for one, I actually had a conversation with him about it."

That was news to me.

"I'm too mad to have a conversation with him," I seethed. "He does not want to hear what I have to say right now."

"Jay-"

"I must be living in the Twilight Zone or something when Tannehill and I are in more agreement than I am with my best friend," I muttered, retreating towards her door.

"Jay, don't be mad at me," she called after me.

"I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at _him_ ," I called over my shoulder before taking the stairs by two and walking out, ignoring Alice's protests.

I found myself holed up in the back of the library a few minutes later. I hated the library but I had no place left to go. So there I was actually finishing up my Potions essay on lethal plants used in poisons and wondering how it got to the point where I was _willingly writing an essay_ when the most untimely interruption of all interruptions occurred.

"James."

I froze, my quill halfway through its word, before slowly glancing up at the all-too-familiar voice. I said nothing, just stared at Fred in the hope he would take the hint and walk off.

Apparently, he wasn't big on hints.

"I'm sorry," he spoke, reluctantly slipping into the seat opposite me.

My eyes narrowed. "For what exactly?" I seethed. "Lying to me repeatedly for four straight months or for fucking with my Quidditch team?"

He sat back with a sigh. "So I guess you're still mad."

"No, I'm not mad, Fred. _I'm fucking livid_."

"I guess I can't really blame you for that," he murmured and he was smart enough to look ashamed. "But it's not like I meant for any of this to happen."

I let out a derisive snort. "No, you don't get to play the victim card here, Fred. It's not like you woke up one day and suddenly decided you needed to be in a relationship. Those things take time and a lot of thought, though I'll admit I'm no expert. But they don't happen overnight. You could have _and should have_ stopped it when there was even the slightest of inklings that your casual hook-ups with Carver no longer felt casual."

There was a long silence. He appeared to be thinking.

Imagine that.

"Yeah, I probably should have," he admitted with a small shake of his head.

I was surprised he admitted that.

"But I didn't," he continued with a sigh. "I kept telling myself it was nothing, just something casual and fun. But it stopped being just fun at some point and it became something real. And I don't know how to apologize for that."

I gaped at him, my heart suddenly sinking its way into my hollow chest. "Oh, so you're _not_ actually here to apologize then, are you," I spoke in a rather husky tone.

He cringed and then sighed. "I apologize for keeping it from you and I apologize for how you found out. But I won't apologize for being with her."

I would be lying if I said that one didn't sting. Not because I was surprised by it but because he didn't seem to realize, or care, just how much he put our Quidditch Cup chances in jeopardy. Once upon a time, the two of us had dreamed about holding up that Quidditch Cup at the end of our seventh year and going out with a bang. And now it's as if he didn't care about that dream or me.

And what's worse is, he wasn't even apologizing for it.

I've dealt with a lot of resentment in my life but I never thought I'd ever have to deal with it in regards to Fred.

And yet here we were.

"Fuck off, Fred," I snapped, reaching for my quill and returning my attention back on to my essay.

A faint look of disappointment filled his gaze. "So that's it then?" he drawled, subtle guilt in his voice. "You won't even attempt to see this from my perspective?"

"I prefer not to see anything from the perspective of a liar and a traitor."

His eyes narrowed. He clearly didn't appreciate that comment, though I felt it was well-deserved. "So because I decided to actually grow up a bit and find myself a girlfriend and because that doesn't fit into your narrow-minded little Quidditch world, you're just going to toss me aside as if I'm not your best mate and cousin?"

"Your apology needs work if you think it should include insults."

"I get that you're mad," Fred growled. "You have every right to be. But you could at least have the decency to hear me out."

"I've heard you out and now I'm throwing you out."

His fists clenched and I could see he was moving away from feeling guilty and moving towards feeling frustrated. "You know what, James?" Fred drawled. "I think the only reason you're pissed at me right now is because I did what you were too afraid to do."

Uh, no, I was pissed because he was a liar and a traitor. I thought we already covered that.

"And exactly what is that supposed to mean?" I dared to ask him.

He fixed his glare on me and only gave me one word. "Hattie."

When he said nothing more, I found myself laughing. "You're using a girl I ended things with _because I refused to break the Code_ to defend you not ending things with a girl and _breaking the Code_? Are you completely daft?"

"You didn't break things off with her because of the Code, you broke things off with her because you're a coward who is too afraid to face his own bloody feelings, whether they're with her or with perhaps the only girl in the world who you don't actively push away," he hissed at me.

I could have pretended I didn't know what he was talking about but we both knew he was subtly referring to Alice.

And that only somehow made me more furious. He never seemed to have much interest in chatting to me about my relationship with Alice and he's choosing now to bring it up? What did Alice have to do with any of this anyway? And I couldn't believe he had the audacity to accuse me of holding back my feelings when he had been holding in secrets from me for four months. He was the one who betrayed me, not the other way around. He didn't get to try and justify it. He didn't get to do anything but apologize but apparently, he wasn't doing that either.

"Don't you dare bring Ace into this," I snapped at him. "This isn't about her. Hell, it's not even about Hattie. It's about you and how much of a lying prat you apparently are. I'm just sorry I didn't see it sooner. Now, how about you just get the hell away from me?"

He ignored me. "I'm not trying to bring Alice into anything. I am just trying to make you see that you can't use Quidditch as your excuse for everything. You can't hide behind it all the time."

"So I guess you aren't going to do that whole leaving thing I suggested?" I seethed, my anger growing by the minute.

"All you care about is Quidditch!" he practically yelled. "It's all you'll let yourself care about. Playing Quidditch. Winning Quidditch. Living Quidditch. But there will come a time when you'll have to realize that life is so much more than that. Friends, family, _loved ones_. They matter. They are what's important. And I don't know what might happen to me and Ryleigh in the future. But I do know I want to find out."

"Then you're a fucking wanker," I sneered. "Now seriously, _leave me alone_."

Fred just stared at me, the angry disbelief settling into his frantic expression. "I'm trying to explain how grown-up relationships work here, James. But I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that you refuse to listen to me."

"Oh, yeah, because I love listening to someone who's insulting me," I snarled, folding my arms defensively across my body. "The fact of the matter is, the _only_ fact that matters actually, is that _you broke the Code_. And what's worse is you've been lying about it for four months to that supposed cousin and best mate of yours. I get to be pissed, Fred. And you don't get to insult me or antagonize me because I am. So screw you, you're a jackass, and _leave me the hell alone_ until you come back with an actual apology."

"I already apologized," he snapped. "Now I'm just trying to explain."

The fact that he actually believed his weak apology about being sorry for how I found out was anything but half-assed and diluted made me hate him a little.

I could have told him that. Instead I said, "The Roast is Saturday night. I hope you're looking forward to it as much as I am."

My defiant gaze met his shocked one before Fred frowned, picked himself off the chair, and walked out.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"We all know why I've gathered you here tonight," I started, looking around at my Quidditch team. My new and hopefully improved Quidditch team. Fred still technically had the beater title but he was now a benched beater so naturally, I didn't invite him to that night's Team Meeting. He had been spending most of his time in the hospital wing with his girlfriend so it wasn't as if he'd show up anyway.

Girlfriend.

Fred had a fucking girlfriend.

I pretended not to care about that.

The rest of us were all sitting in the Clock Tower that Thursday night without any goodies at our feet for I had no energy to bribe the house elves for baked goods. I dove right in. "Yes, I do realize it's late and I'm sure we all have much better things we could be doing, but the issue has to be addressed."

"Are you wearing all black because you're in mourning for your teammate or for your friend?"

I glared at Sadie, who was smirking at me. "I am in no mood to be tested tonight, Bishop, so unless you want to be running laps from here until eternity, I'd consider very strongly shutting your goddamned piehole."

Her eyebrow shot up. "Well, someone's crabby tonight."

"That doesn't sound like shutting your piehole."

She glared at me and not so surprisingly, spoke once again. "This is so stupid," she snapped. "Who gives a shit that Weasley is off fucking some blonde ditz?"

"She's a brunette," Jax pointed out.

Sadie flipped him off and continued her rant. "I didn't join this goddamned team so I could be a part of some stupid gossiping conspiracy to bench players because of their goddamned _dating habits_. What the hell does a relationship have to do with what goes down on the Quidditch pitch?"

"It's a conflict of interest, Bishop," I snarled. "And stop badmouthing the bloody Code unless you want to join Fred on that bench next weekend."

She let out a rather cynical laugh. "You're clearly pissed off about already being down one player. You really think you could afford to lose me, too?"

She unfortunately had a point. I couldn't even bench her if I wanted to. I had no one to replace her with.

I really hated it when Sadie Bishop was right.

"I don't' really care what your opinion is on the matter, Bishop," I spoke coolly. "So how about you just sit there with your mouth shut, however difficult that may be for you, so I can continue with this team meeting and we can all get the hell out of here."

Sadie rolled her eyes but miraculously said nothing.

"So as we have all heard through the lovely grapevine we call Hogwarts' gossip train, Frederick Weasley has turned his back on his team for a girl."

"Er…his name isn't Frederick," Jax pointed out.

"That really shouldn't be the takeaway from what I just said," I barked at him.

Jax winced and Alice took that time to chime in. "Yes, Jay, we are all aware of the situation," she sighed. "Maybe you could stop dragging it out so pretentiously and just skip ahead to the part where you tell us your game-plan."

"Laps tomorrow, Longbottom," I spoke coolly. "And I'm getting to that-"

"You're giving AliCat laps?" CJ interrupted in shock.

I glared at him. "She talks back to me, she gets laps, Colton Jupiter. That's how it works. Now, what I was trying to say was-"

"She talks back to you all the time and she never gets laps," Jax chimed in, his eyebrow protruding all the way into his hairline.

"We're not here to discuss my assignment of laps!" I snapped at him. "We're here because Fred Weasley screwed this team over and for that, he will be roasted on Saturday night at midnight. It's mandatory so don't you even dare think about skipping it."

"Wait, the Roast is an actual thing?" Cass asked nervously.

"Yes," I urged. "So start digging up dirt on Fred and Carver now."

I pretended not to notice the awkward glances of my teammates. "Now, with that out of the way, it's time to talk practice schedule," I urged. "I already started private lessons with Hugo this morning and we plan to hit up the pitch over the next week whenever it's available. Jax, I'll need you to spend our remaining practices looping Hugo in on the different strategies and plays that you and Fred have perfected over the years. Don't leave anything out. When we aren't practicing, I'll need you to review all of the old Hufflepuff recordings, Hugo, to get a feel for their tactics. _We will not let this break us_ , _y'hear me_?"

A round of shrugs and nods followed.

"Can I ask a question?" Hugo spoke, clearing his throat.

"Shoot."

"When am I supposed to sleep?" he whined.

"After the match," I responded seriously. "Or when you're dead. Whichever comes first."

"A real comfort," he drawled.

"Can _I_ ask a question?" Jax spoke.

"Shoot."

"What in Merlin and Morgana's name happened between Fred and Ryleigh?"

I glared at him. "This meeting is dismissed. You're all free to go."

Jax sighed, pulling himself off the floor. One-by-one so did the others as they all trickled down the stairwell. Alice was the last to go and seeing as I was already currently down one best friend, I thought it would be best to try and rectify things with the other.

"Alice."

She stopped at the top of the stairwell, hesitating before turning around. "What?"

I opened my mouth but I realized I wasn't sure what to say.

"Are you planning on actually saying anything or can I go?" she sighed impatiently. "I have to rest up for my big day of laps tomorrow, y'see."

"I don't know how not to be mad at him."

She looked at me with those big blue eyes of hers, looking all sad and sympathetic and it was almost enough to make me jump out the window right then and there. "He didn't do it on purpose, Jay."

"It's not like someone can fall for another _accidentally_."

Her upper lip twitched. "Isn't that kinda what happened with you and Hattie?"

Fuck, why do people keep bringing her up?

"You sound like Fred," I grunted.

Her eyebrow arched upward. "I do, do I?"

I met the curiosity in her gaze and nodded. "He tried talking to me in the library earlier."

"Tried, hm?"

"Tried and failed," I drawled. "He brought up Hattie." _And you_.

"Didn't go over well with you?"

"Didn't go over at all," I sighed. "I kicked him out of the library and told him to leave me the hell alone."

Alice frowned, slowly making her way over to the window ledge and jumping up to sit beside me. "Is that really what you want, Jay?"

I honestly didn't know what I wanted. I'd be lying if I didn't admit that a part of me may have overreacted at the bombshell Fred dropped in my lap, but it had been shocking and confusing at the time. He lied to me, and maybe there was a part of me that knew it was somewhat justified, but then he had the audacity to dredge up Hattie in his fake apology when he knew very well I had been forced to break things off with her because of the Code. Just because Fred had been keen on breaking the Code didn't mean I was, too. And I hardly found it fair that he seemed to think he was a better person because of it.

I thought back over the past few months, going through the signs that I should have caught. Fred's many lies. His disappearances. The girls he claimed to be with ended up having boyfriends. He called her 'Ryles' a few times, which I had always found odd. He pulled away from Hattie on New Year's Eve and Ryleigh kicked him.

 _How had I never seen it coming_?

I scolded myself then, wondering why I was blaming myself for not seeing this coming when I had nothing to be sorry for. This was all Fred. His bad decisions. His lies. His deception. _This was on him, not me_.

"I'm pissed off, Ace," I eventually said.

She nodded. "I know," she spoke softly. "But think of the bigger picture. You won't be pissed off forever."

"There's a good chance I might," I growled.

"That's the anger talking," she said, reaching over to pat my leg reassuringly.

I looked at her and said, "No. Right now, that's me talking."

Her eyes didn't stray from mine. "He's your best friend, Jay."

"Not true. You are."

She rolled her eyes. " _James_."

"What? I compliment you and you go and act all huffy about it?" I teased.

She looked very unamused. "Give it time," she drawled. "You'll be calling him your best friend again in no time."

There was a hint of pleading in her voice that intrigued me but it went mostly ignored as I considered her words carefully. "I've never been mad at him before," I mused, shaking my head at the unexpected realization. "Not once. I mean, sure, stupid stuff like when he drew all over my first toy broom with a sharpie or when I found out he snogged Nelle Moffitt even though he knew I liked her. But never anything like this. And now that I am, I just...I'm frustrated, Ace. Like really frustrated. I don't know if I've ever been this frustrated at anyone before."

She smirked. "Not even Brooks?"

"Doesn't count," I said, shaking my head. "He's always been a tool."

She smiled but it slowly faded as I watched the thoughts dance around in her mind. "You have every right to be frustrated. I just don't want you to hate him for this."

I didn't hate him. I wanted to. But I didn't. I just felt hurt. But sometimes it was easier pretending I hated him than admit that even Fred had the ability to break what was left of my barely-existent heart.

"I don't hate him," I muttered. "But I don't like him right now."

She sighed. "I guess I'll have to take that."

I sensed a hint of desperation in her words so I instinctively reached out and wrapped my arm around her shoulders, drawing her into my side. "We're allowed to have different opinions, Ace," I reminded her. "But don't expect me to change my mind about this and I won't expect you to change yours."

She smiled and rested her head against my shoulder. "Deal."

She was truly an angel. I am not entirely sure I would have survived the past seventeen years without her. Or maybe I would have survived but I would have been far more fucked-up than I already was. If that was even possible.

"Hey, James?"

"Mm?"

"I don't really have to do laps tomorrow, do I?"

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

The common room was fairly empty after my early morning practice. A practice that Fred had shown up for and took his rightful place on the bench, all while completely ignoring me. It was expected but it was slightly difficult trying to whip my team into shape with someone glaring at me the whole time.

As I wandered into the common room, I assumed that most people were either still in bed or down in the Great Hall. I did notice Lily and Rose in the corner, which was only slightly odd as the two of them didn't partake in private conversations together often, but the really odd thing about it was that Lucy was there, too. I couldn't help but wonder what the three of them had to discuss so early on a Friday morning.

I wandered over to the trio, the three of them immediately growing quiet at my presence.

Well, that pretty much told me they were talking about me.

"You three staying out of trouble?" I greeted.

"The only one you have to worry about getting into trouble is yourself, James Sirius," Rose sighed.

I shot her a look. "You must have me confused with Frederick Arthur."

"Er…you do know his name isn't really Frederick, right?" Lucy spoke up.

Ever the smart one, our first year.

I dropped on to the couch amongst them. "Alright, out with it. What do our lovely relatives have to say about Fred's sudden penchant for monogamy?"

"Who says we know the answer to that?" Lily retaliated.

"Because the three of you are hanging around each other at seven-thirty on a Friday morning," I drawled. "I know that's no coincidence. I can only assume you have been on the receiving end of inquisitive letters from those dear aunts and uncles of ours."

"Mum and Dad in my case," Lily pointed out with a shrug. "And you know Mum. She wants intel. She wants to know when it happened, how it happened, why it happened, where it happened, and most importantly, why it is causing a rift between you and Fred. And apparently writing back to her and telling her I don't know the answers to any of those questions is not good enough for her."

"You could just do what I do and not respond to them," I drawled.

She rolled her eyes. "It would help if you did so they wouldn't continue hounding me."

I shrugged. "We all know you're a master of gossiping about the family. So why shouldn't she hound you?"

Her mouth dropped open. "Excuse me?"

I hadn't meant to say that out loud but now that it was out there, I trekked on. "Don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about," I drawled. "You hate it when I try to interfere with your life but you're constantly involving yourself in my business. Al's too."

"That is not true!" she scoffed.

I noticed that Rose and Lucy appeared to be staring at their hands instead of chiming in which pretty much told me that they probably agreed with me.

"You ran straight to Rose to tell her that Hattie had stopped by our place twice over the holidays," I retaliated. "What part of that doesn't sound like gossip?"

She gaped at me. "You're bringing this up _now_?"

I shrugged. It was better than focusing on Fred. "Just something I've noticed, that's all."

She scowled at me. "You know what _I've_ noticed?" she seethed. "That Teddy is writing to me asking about Fred when he should be writing to you. Pray tell, brother of mine, why is that?"

I let out a barking laugh. "You're trying to deflect a conversation about you being too involved in my life by asking about another aspect of my private life?"

Her mouth dropped open and Rose jumped in at that point. "He does have a point."

Lily glared at the other redhead. "You were just wondering about James and Teddy, too!"

"Yeah, because you brought it up," Rose pointed out with a shrug. "Kinda proves James point, doesn't it."

Lily jumped off the couch with a scowl. "Why am I the one on trial here? Shouldn't it be Fred?"

I let out my own scowl. "I am so done talking about him."

An awkward silence fell over the four of us before Rose spoke up with a nervous cough. "Well, er, in the spirit of family gossip, you should know that Mum says fighting with Fred over a girl is juvenile and rubbish and if you don't make up with him soon, she's going to get Neville to give you a swift kick in the pants."

"I'm not fighting with him _over a girl_ ," I snapped. "That makes it sound like I'm interested in Carver, which, _for the record_ , I'm not."

"On the other hand," Rose said, ignoring me completely, "Dad says go ahead and fight with Fred if it keeps him off the pitch and Hugo on it. I had a feeling Mum might have slapped him for saying so because the quill ran off the page after he wrote that."

Was it too late to find a new family to integrate with?

"Fighting with Fred is not the reason he's benched," I muttered through gritted teeth. "He's benched because he broke the bloody Code and won't unbreak it, the bloody idiot."

"Yeah, I really don't care," Rose said with a stifled yawn.

"You would if you had decided to join the team back in September."

She shot me a look. "What does that have to do with anything?"

I grinned. "I need a new reserve player."

"Fuck off, Potter."

Yeah, I pretty much expected that.

"What did you mean he won't unbreak the Code?" Lucy questioned me.

"That was not an unambiguous comment, Luce."

The three of them exchanged a look before it started to dawn on them. It was Lily who groaned and said, "Oh, hell no. Please tell me you did _not_ suggest to Fred that he should 'unbreak the Code.'"

"I didn't suggest it. I outright told him to unbreak— _ow_!" I cried out as Rose whacked me in the head. "Was that really necessary?" I grumbled, rubbing the back of my head with a wince.

"He got himself a girlfriend, he didn't…I don't know, like blow up the school or something. Why are you turning this into such a big deal?" she groaned.

"If he blew up the school at least he wouldn't be on my bench next weekend!"

Rose snorted. "Right, because McGonagall would totally let him play after blowing up the school."

"Can we stop saying 'blowing up the school' now?" Lucy muttered.

"I think it's cute that Fred and Ryleigh are dating," Lily declared.

"I— _what_?" I jerked my head towards her sharply. "Whose side are you on anyway?"

"Not yours," she drawled which pretty much told me she was still frustrated with my accusations earlier. "The side of love I suppose."

"Fuck love," I muttered. "It's totally ruining my team. First my chaser gets all googly-eyed for my sister, then Jax is off sucking face with some new chick, and now my best beater is blissfully ignorant in that la la land of his. _What is wrong with my teammates_?"

"Oh, yeah, how dare we all act like normal teenagers," Lily replied with heavy sarcasm.

"Feel free to be a normal teenager. Just don't be a normal teenager with your lips all over someone!"

She smirked at me. "Too late."

My eyes narrowed at her. "Where the hell is CJ? I feel like I need to hex him."

"It's Fred you want to hex, not him."

"Yeah, but hexing Wood always makes me feel better."

She rolled her eyes. "Stop ignoring Mum, James, and write to her unless you want me to continue being the so-called master of gossip."

"If I write to her about Fred, she won't like what I have to say."

All three pairs of eyes settled on me with matching looks of disapproval. "I don't get it," Rose spoke bluntly. "You're really that ticked off just because he landed himself a girlfriend? What, you sad to see your fellow bachelor brother go?"

I shot her a look. "I don't care that he got himself a girlfriend. I care that he got himself _that_ girlfriend."

"Oh, right, because it's always about the bloody Code with you," she snapped. " _Quidditch is just a_ -"

"Don't say game or I _will_ punch you," I sneered.

"Ooh, what did the redhead prefect do now?" a new voice chimed in. We all glanced to our right as Jax slid on to the coffee table in front of us.

I opened my mouth but Rose cut me off. "Tell me, Jax, how do you feel about Fred's sudden penchant towards monogamy?"

Jax blinked, glancing over at me hesitantly. "Maybe I shouldn't have walked over here."

"It's just a question," Rose said.

Jax shrugged. "I'm not getting myself involved in Fred's affairs."

"That's a coward's response."

Glancing over at the irritation in Jax's eyes, I had feeling that that was the wrong thing for Rose to say. "I'm a coward because I don't want to comment on my friend's love life? It's not any of my business and James, before you say he made it our business when he decided to date a Quidditch player, _I know he screwed us over_ so I'm not saying he's blameless in any of this, but-"

"You're right, he's not blameless," I argued. "He's _completely_ to blame."

Jax sighed. "He broke the Code. He deserves to be punished. Believe me, I'm pissed about it, too. I am not all that thrilled about having to spend the next nine days training someone else to be my partner in crime on the pitch. It's totally inconveniencing and every time I look over and see Hugo and not Fred, I know I will get all pissed off again. So I'm mad at him for screwing up our Quidditch Cup chances. But can we really be all that mad at him for _liking_ a girl?"

" _Yes_."

He sighed again. "Guess we know where you stand."

"Because clearly he has a backbone when you don't," Rose muttered.

When did these two get back on bad terms?

"I don't know why you're suddenly trying to stir up the pot, Weasley, since _this has nothing to do with you_ ," Jax shot back. "Then again, I understand that the concept of a relationship is beyond your level of emotional intelligence since the only person you've showed an ounce of interest in _is a guy who quite literally finds you insufferable_. But really, who doesn't."

Somehow, I didn't think this conversation was about me or Fred anymore.

"Oh, and I'm supposed to care what you think when the only person you've showed an ounce of interest in _happens to be the daftest girl in our year_ ," Rose retaliated.

"I wouldn't say that. _You're_ in our year after all."

Oh, boy. Even I knew that was the incredibly wrong thing to say.

The glare on Rose's face was enough to make me thankful it wasn't me she was angry with.

Well, she was, but not at the moment.

"Feel free to do prefect rounds alone tonight," Rose sneered at him, pulling herself abruptly off the couch.

"Aw, why? Going to find your little Slytherin boy toy for a nice romp in a broom cupboard somewhere?"

Ew, unnecessary mental image in my head.

"Yeah, so I'd steer of all broom cupboards tonight when you do rounds _alone_."

Ew, more unnecessary mental images!

Jax looked like he wanted to respond but Rose was storming off towards the exit before he could. Fuming, he glanced back at us. "For the record, that cousin of yours is a real headcase."

It was Lily who responded. "For the record, you seem to love fighting with that headcase."

He rolled his eyes. "I don't love fighting with her. She just makes it so easy."

"Blame the red hair," I chimed in with a shrug. "It's the reason behind her fiery temper."

"Not everyone with red hair has a temper," Lucy scoffed.

Oops, I almost forgot the eleven-year-old was still there.

"Well, of course not, Goose," I teased, leaning over to ruffle her hair. "You're just as cute as a button."

"Just wait," Jax muttered. "The temper will come out soon enough."

I noticed that Lily didn't bother to argue which I only assumed meant she was proud of her temper whenever it flared up.

Or maybe she was still annoyed with me.

"I didn't think I was saying anything to you that you didn't already know," I said to my sister.

She looked up at me and while Lucy and Jax looked confused, Lily didn't. "Am I really known as the family gossip?"

"Er, well…" I trailed off before shrugging. "Honestly, most of our family is."

"And yet you're not calling them out on it."

I shrugged again. "Because you're the only one who finds a way to burrow herself into my private affairs time and time again when I'm trying to ignore them. I'd say it's maddening but then I'd just be a hypocrite."

"Oh, so you noticed that you involve yourself in my private affairs far too often, hm?" she drawled.

I sighed. "Okay, look, how about we both just try to stop interfering with each other's lives?"

Lily let out a laugh at that, quickly followed by the other two. "Oh, please, you will never stop trying to interfere with my love life."

"She's right, mate," Jax smirked, clapping me on the shoulder.

I glared at him. "You want to be on my bad side, too, Bloch?"

"I'm one of the few who actually agrees with you about Fred. You're the one who can't afford me on your bad side."

Dammit, he was right.

Sighing, I turned to my sister and said, "Okay, _fine,_ let's just both admit here and now that we are insufferable, nosy, meddlesome people who will probably not stop being those people anytime soon."

She hesitated and said, "So basically nothing is going to change?"

"I sure as hell don't' plan on just letting CJ date you without making sure I have my occasional say about it."

"And I sure as hell don't plan on just letting you think that you don't deserve to find someone yourself."

I looked at her in surprise. "Okay…" I said hesitantly, not entirely sure why her words made me think of Alice.

Or maybe I did know why and I just preferred to ignore it.

So ignore it I did. Pulling myself off the couch, I said to Jax, "C'mon, Bloch, let's go grab some breakfast and talk about how you're going to make things right with Rose."

He followed me out with a grunt. "Who the hell says I want to make things right?"

"Well, it would make prefects rounds easier."

He hesitated. "Fine, what do you suggest then?"

I had my own problems to deal with and here I was trying to straighten out his.

Never had the phrase TGIF been more true.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"Hugo, I love you, mate, _but if you run into the damned hoop one more time, I'm going to wring your neck_!"

It was seven o'clock on a Saturday morning and instead of being in my bed, I was on the Quidditch pitch trying to train a replacement beater.

If it wasn't clear, I really hated Fred.

"Sorry, got distracted!" he squeaked, zooming off towards the grass where the bludger wound up.

I had somehow managed to convince Jax to help, though the exhausted look on his face told me he wasn't sure why he agreed to it. "Please tell me that the match next week somehow got postponed," I groaned at him.

Jax shook his head. "Still on."

"Dammit," I muttered. "Hugo, run the play again!"

He managed to do it without slamming into the hoop so that had to count for something.

"Extend your upper arm and bend more at the torso," Jax called out to him. "You'll get more leverage that way."

Hugo actually listened and the bludger went soaring right through the target.

I suppose that was something.

Hugo continued tossing bludgers through the middle of the hoops in an attempt to work on his aim while Jax and I watched.

"He's getting much better," Jax said a tad too cheerfully. "I don't think you'll have to worry about him too much at the match, James."

"Of course I'll worry," I muttered. "It's the first match he'll be playing in."

Jax nudged me. "You're not grumpy over Hugo's skills. You're grumpy because of Fred."

I shot him a look. "I am so not in the mood to have my head examined at the moment, Bloch. My star beater, no offense, dropped a bomb on us the week before our Quidditch match and we are forced to use our reserve, which yes, I agree that Hugo isn't the worst replacement _but he's still a replacement_ , and Fred doesn't even have the balls to apologize to the team for his shenanigans. To sum up, _girlfriends are a waste_."

Jax appeared to be thinking about my rant before he cleared his throat and said, "So this is probably a bad time to tell you I have a girlfriend, right?"

I jerked my head towards him sharply. " _You did not just say that to me._ "

He offered me a sheepish smile. "Laikyn and I made it official last night."

I glared at him. " _You better start running, Bloch, unless you want a broom stuck up your arse_!"

He rushed all the way back to the castle without turning back once.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

When I wandered into the Great Hall for lunch, I became aware of the sudden hush that fell over the dining room. Confused, I slowly made my way over to the Gryffindor table and dropped down on to the bench where Alice was currently speaking in a whisper to Dash.

"What's going on?"

She jumped, her eyes widening at the realization that I was by her side. "Er…what do you mean?"

My eyes narrowed suspiciously. "Well, I was going to ask why the room suddenly got all quiet when I wandered in. But now I'm much more inclined to ask why _you_ got all quiet when I sat down beside you."

Her eyes flickered over to Dash, who found a sudden interest in his peas. "Uh…"

I let out a frustrated grunt at her vow of silence. "For Merlin's sake, I already have so much shit to deal with right now so please don't drag this out any longer than necessary."

I saw the defeat settle into her reluctant expression as a sign escaped her lips. "Fred and Ryleigh are here."

My spine stiffened at those very words. I could have looked over my shoulder to the Hufflepuff table, where I assumed they were witting, but I didn't. I refused to give him that satisfaction. "Guess she got cleared of a concussion then."

Dash's eyebrow shot up. "That's all you're going to say?"

"What else is there to say?" I snapped at him, perhaps a bit too harshly.

He cringed but said nothing.

"The school must be loving this," I growled. "Mr. Commitment-phobe himself parading his Code-breaking partner-in-crime around on his arm like the two of them didn't completely fuck up."

"Guess you found something else to say then," Dash murmured.

"Whatever," I scowled. "They are free to do whatever the hell they want. And I am free to not give a shit."

"Except that you do," said Alice softly.

Yeah, I did.

I really hated that.

"I wonder when the press will get wind of this," I said, changing the subject. "And I wonder exactly how they'll spin Fred."

"Considering his history with women, I can't imagine they'll be spinning him in a good light," Dash considered.

"Good," I sneered. "He deserves a bit of backlash over this."

"Can't help but agree," said Dash, surprising both Alice and myself.

"Really?" I questioned.

He shrugged. "I mean, I get that all he really did was fall for a girl. But that is such a small piece of the overall puzzle. You have a guy who has never shown any interest in relationships before decide to try and make a relationship work with one of the few girls who should have been untouchable. It's going to cause a strain on himself, on her, on their relationship with each other, and on their relationships with the friends they lied to for four months, not to mention the strain it's obviously going to put on their respective Quidditch teams. And neither one of them are exactly experts in the whole dating field. Do they really think they're both going to come out of this unscathed?"

I looked over at Alice who appeared to be just as surprised by his summation as I was. "You think they're going to break up?" she concluded.

Dash hesitated. "I don't know because I don't know their relationship. But I think there's a good possibility that that could happen. And then would all of the strain it caused really be worth it?"

I frowned and so, too, did Alice. "The answer to that is a big, fat no," I drawled.

"Only if they break up," Alice reminded me.

"Something tells me tonight's Roast might tip them in that exact direction."

Alice looked nervous at those words but it was a confused Dash who said, "Tonight's what?"

Oh, right, forgot that only Quidditch players knew what the Roast was.

"Nothing," I murmured before suddenly busying myself with steak and potatoes.

But I had a feeling that Alice and I weren't done with this conversation.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Every inch of my body hurt. Hugo, Jax, and I hit up the pitch once again that Saturday evening for an hour between the Hufflepuff's practice and the Ravenclaw's. We tossed the bludgers back and forth at rapid fire until Hugo finally had begged me to stop before his arms could fall off. I decided having his arms fall off before the match would be terribly unproductive so we took the break.

I fell into Alice's bed that evening with a groan. "Can't. Feel. Body," I muttered into her sheets. "Just leave me here to die."

Alice nudged my side with her feet, a faint laugh falling from her lips. "Someone's being a tad dramatic today."

I picked my head off the bed to glance her way. "I'm not being dramatic," I argued huffily. "I literally can't move a muscle."

"Then how'd you walk here?" she teased.

I forgot she was smart.

"I didn't. Hugo carried me on his back."

"And yet he's nowhere to be found."

I let out a light chuckle and turned on my side to face her. "Hugo still has ways to go to fill Fred's shoes but his aim is better and he stopped running into the goal posts, so that's a bonus."

She nudged me again with her foot. "Everything will work out, Jay."

I wasn't as convinced as she was but I didn't have the energy to go through the list of reasons why things might not work out so I merely nodded. "Jax has a girlfriend."

Alice's eyes widened. "Laikyn?"

I nodded.

She let out a low whistle. "I can't imagine you're too pleased about that."

I grunted. "It's pretty much the last thing I want to be dealing with right now."

"Somehow, I think you'll get through it," she said with a reassuring smile.

I wasn't so sure.

"Please just tell me you aren't going to go off and get yourself a boyfriend anytime soon," I groaned. "I need at least one person on my team I can count on."

"Oh, I didn't tell you? Rudy and I are officially a couple."

I would be completely lying if my heart didn't plummet into my stomach at those words.

I blamed it on the timing.

That was easier than listening to that nagging voice in the back of my head. That nagging voice that sounded an awful lot like Hattie's.

Sitting up abruptly, I turned to gape at her. "You're joking, right? _Please tell me you're joking_ ," I groaned.

Her response was to burst into laughter.

I blinked. "So that's a yes to the whole joking thing?"

She giggled and then nodded. "Sorry, I couldn't resist."

I scowled at her. "That was the meanest thing you've ever done to me."

She let out another giggle. She was getting far too amusement out of my pain.

I flopped back on to the bed with a yawn. "So I know you're in the middle of doing important schoolwork, but do you mind if I crash here 'til we have to leave for the Roast?" I asked, a hint of pleading in my voice.

"Crash away," she said.

I grinned gratefully before crawling up the bed and smashing my head against a pillow with a yawn. "Wake me up in four hours."

My eyes were shut but I could feel her staring at me nonetheless. "Might be better if I don't," she eventually said.

I peeked one eye open. "How do you figure that?"

Alice frowned as she tossed her book aside and turned towards me. "I'm afraid what you might say to Fred at the Roast, James," she spoke softly.

I should have seen that one coming.

"I won't say anything he doesn't deserve," I grunted.

"Right now, I'm afraid what you think he deserves and what he actually deserves are two very different things."

"This is what the Roast is, Ace," I sighed. "It's meant to make the Code-breakers think twice about what they did. That's why it was invented."

"I know what the Roast is, Jay," she retaliated, an edginess in her tone. "But this is your friend and your cousin we're talking about here. I don't want you to say something you'll regret."

"He's no friend of mine," I argued irritably.

"This is what I'm talking about," she sighed, shaking her head at me. "You're angry right now, which I get. But I don't want you to go out there tonight and intentionally hurt him just because he unintentionally hurt you."

"It'll be fine."

She let out another sigh. "What do you plan on saying?"

I finally opened both eyes and turned on my side so I was facing her once again. "The same thing everyone else is going to say, I'm sure. That he's a bachelor at heart that quite literally does not have the emotional maturity to be in a real adult relationship."

"Oh, Ryleigh will love to hear that," she muttered.

"I don't really care what she or Fred thinks," I scoffed. "They did this to themselves. And if you're so concerned with his feelings, however undeserved they are, why don't you worry about what _you're_ planning to say and leave me out of it."

There was a long silence as she just stared at me, her eyes never straying from mine.

"I'm not planning on saying anything" was what she eventually said to me.

I blinked. "What?"

Her lips pursed. "Maybe you're okay hurting him, but I'm not."

I sat up. " _He broke the Code_."

"Yes, he did."

I glared at her. "The punishment is being roasted by all of the school's Quidditch players, Ace. That includes you."

"I'm not hurting my friend just because he fell for a girl."

" _He fell for a girl who plays Quidditch_ ," I growled. "Bloody hell, I am so tired of repeating myself to everyone!"

She turned to me, her eyes clouded over with compassion. "I get your side of things, James," Alice murmured. "I just have a different take on it."

It really bothered me that I was seemingly the only one who felt betrayed by Fred. And it bothered me even more that everyone was making me feel as if I was unreasonable in feeling that way.

"He lied to us for four straight months, _over and over again_ , to become Mr. Boyfriend of the Year as if he has a bloody clue what a successful relationship entails and now that his secret is exposed, however outlandish it may be, it's like he doesn't seem to give a shit that he totally screwed over our team. He won't even apologize for it. He gave me some half-assed apology for the way I found out but never once has he apologized for putting our team in the position we're now in!"

As I glanced over at Alice, I saw that her eyebrows were raised in an all too knowing way. "So that's what this is about."

I blinked. "It's about him breaking the Code."

"You're right, it is," she said with a sad smile, "It's about how he hasn't once told the Captain of the Quidditch team—not his friend, not his cousin, but the _Captain_ —that he's sorry for putting his team in a vulnerable situation. And to that, I say you're justified in being pissed."

My eyebrow popped up. "Wait, seriously?"

She nodded. "But the thing is, Jay," she spoke softly, "You're not just his Quidditch Captain. You're his friend and his cousin, too. Don't forget that when you're out on that pitch tonight determined to destroy him."

I only stared at her, not sure what to make of her mini-speech. She was right in a way. As his Captain, I was quite annoyed that he didn't seem to care how he dicked over his team for a girl. And I wanted him to pay for that. But she was also wrong. Because even though he was my friend and cousin and I shouldn't want to hurt him, my irritation over the fact that he lied to me for months and denounced bachelorhood without so much as a warning to me when that's all he ever knew in the past annoyed me so much more than the Captain angle. And all of it combined meant Fred deserved a bit of a lash-out.

"I'm not going to go out on that pitch tonight with the intention of destroying him," I argued, "But I'm also not going to let him get away with screwing the friend, cousin, _and_ teammate in me over. I've said it before and I'll say it again, he deserves what's coming. Don't you get that?"

She didn't respond at first, turning away from my firm gaze with a sigh. "Then you're going to have to do it alone because I won't hurt him just for the sake of hurting him."

I sighed. "Anyone who doesn't participate has to do laps for the entire hour," I reminded her.

"So I'll be in really good shape for next week's match."

"Not if your legs fall off."

"I'm not participating," she said once more.

I made a face. "Must you always be a good person?" I muttered in jest.

"One of us has to be."

I looked at her, slightly stunned, but she was staring out her window now, refusing to look at me. It wasn't as if her words weren't true. They were. But never once had she been the one to say them to me.

With a frown, I turned my back to her and lay my head back down on the pillow with a deep sigh.

"I didn't mean it like that."

"Yeah, you did," I murmured.

"Jay-"

"Wake me up in four hours."

She might have said something in response but I was too busy shutting her out to hear it.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

The Quidditch pitch was nearly black, save for the gleaming light from the full moon above us. It was rather cold out but that was expected for mid-January. I had on a long-sleeve sweater, my Cannons hoodie, a parka, my Gryffindor scarf, a hat, and thick maroon gloves and I was still shivering. Alice and I hadn't spoken a word to each other since she shook me awake at 11:30 PM, but when we pushed open the front doors and stepped outside in the cold, she let out a loud curse word towards the temperature and I instinctively reached over and drew her into my side. She looked up at me in surprise and I just shrugged.

As we made the cold trek through the crunchy snow, she said to me, "I'm sorry, Jay."

I shrugged and said, "It's okay."

We both knew I was lying.

When we wandered through the Quidditch gate, the pitch was already scattered with other students. Glancing around, I noticed that Fred and Ryleigh were currently nowhere to be found. I knew they'd both show up. The consequence of not showing up was getting your head shaved, wearing pink tutus, and getting a permanent tattoo of "TRAITOR" across your forehead at the remaining matches of the year. The Roast might leave a handful of people to witness their humiliation but the consequences of ditching the Roast left an entire school, plus families and the press, to witness their humiliation. The first one always won out.

"James," my brother greeted me when Alice and I met up with the group.

With Albus was Roxanne and Hugo. I looked at the three of them and saw the defeat in their eyes immediately. "Don't tell me you all plan to take the laps over the Roast."

Silence followed until Hugo responded. "He's family."

"He's family who fucked up," I growled. "He should be the one to face the consequences, not you guys."

"It's just laps," Roxanne said with a shrug.

"Just tell everyone your mum loves you more than him," I shot back at her. "We all know it's true."

"What? No, it's not!" she argued.

"Oh, it so is," Albus snorted, shooting her a knowing look. "Fred is your father's favorite and you are your mother's. That's a given."

"Just like Rose is Mum's favorite and I'm Dad's," Hugo chimed in.

"Oh, so like how Lily is Aunt Ginny's favorite and Al is Uncle Harry's and no one in his family likes James?" Roxanne retaliated with a teasing smirk.

As the others burst into laughter, I merely rolled my eyes. "I'm so glad that backfired on me."

"I'm running the laps," Alice spoke up with a shrug.

"We assumed as much," Roxanne said with a nod. "At least one of you has a conscience."

I glared at her. " _He fucked up_ ," I said for a second time that night.

"You sound like a broken record," Alice pointed out.

"Believe me," I drawled irritably, "I know where you stand on the matter."

Her face fell. "Jay-"

"Don't," I seethed, finding myself more annoyed with her than I even realized. "You go be the better person, Ace. I'll just be here being the bad guy because apparently that's all I'm ever really good for, right?"

" _Jay_ -"

But I stormed away from her and my family's judging faces before she could get in another word.

Jax wandered on to the field and I made my way over to him. "It's fucking cold out here," he muttered, tightening his scarf around his neck. "They couldn't have exposed their relationship in one of the warmer months?"

I shook my head. "There shouldn't have been a relationship to expose at all, Jax."

He glanced at me hesitantly. "You are really not happy with him, are you."

"Nope," I muttered irritably. "So you planning on being a wuss and skipping out on the Roast, too?"

Jax shook his head. "He broke the rules. He deserves to be roasted. This may be a weird tradition but it is a tradition nonetheless and I plan to follow through."

I looked at him in slight awe and smiled. "I think I might just call you my new best friend, mate."

He looked like he wasn't sure how to respond to that which was fine because the couple of the hour finally arrived.

They were holding hands.

It was sickening.

Let the Roast commence.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"Thank you all for being here," Brooks spoke up, a tad too smugly for my taste. Kye had opted out of playing the role of host seeing as it was her teammate and friend who had broken the Code. Brooks, of course, was more than happy to fill in. "Fred Weasley and Ryleigh Carver, you have broken the cardinal inner-league Code rule that says you shall not date a member of another House's Quidditch team as long as you are a member of your own Quidditch team. Do you agree that you have broken said rule?"

Fred rolled his eyes. Ryleigh nodded.

Their hands were still attached.

"With that confirmed, we are all gathered here tonight to partake in the traditional Roast of the Code-breakers. What happens on this pitch stays on this pitch. Nothing you hear tonight shall be repeated to anyone. It shouldn't even be repeated to each other. We say what we need to say and when the hour is up, we all head back to our normal routine. Except that, of course, should it be their decision to continue dating each other, Fred and Ryleigh will each be benched in all future matches until they are either no longer together. Understood?"

Fred rolled his eyes again. Ryleigh just stared at Brooks.

Brooks took that to assume they did in fact understood. "So let's get on with the Roast. The rules for tonight are this: there are no rules."

I swear his smile got smugger.

Fred snorted.

Ryleigh squeezed his hand.

Ugh.

"So if you two will hand over your wands, you will be silenced and we will commence the Roast."

Fred tossed his and Ryleigh's wand at Brooks' feet, who gathered them and stuck them in his back pocket. " _Silencio_ ," he said, pointing his wand at the two perpetrators.

With a grin, Brooks glanced around the circle. "Anyone who refuses to partake will be forced into laps. Any takers?"

Alice stepped forward immediately, quickly followed by Hugo, Albus, and Roxanne.

"Oh, you've got to be bloody kidding me," Brooks sneered, in particular at his teammate. "Rox, don't make me bench you."

She glared at him. "You won't but nice empty threat you got there, Pruitt."

He shot her a glare before turning his attention on Albus. "You're a bloody Captain, Potter. You're supposed to set an example."

"I'm not tormenting my cousin, Pruitt," Albus sighed.

Wanker.

"You're such a wanker, Potter," he sneered.

Fuck. Brooks Pruitt and I had the same thought. What has the world come to?

"You're all pansies but if you want the laps, you've got them. Go on then," he snapped at the unwilling participants.

They all took off but the only thing I noticed was Fred's intense stare fixated on me.

I narrowed my eyes at him.

He turned away.

His hand was still holding Ryleigh's.

 _Ugh_.

"The order has been randomly selected," Brooks spoke to the group. "The Hufflepuffs will start us off. Tannehill?"

I noticed the clear frustration in Kye's eyes just a few people down as the silence dragged on. I wondered for a brief moment if she was second-guessing herself but then she began to speak. "I don't even know where to begin," she drawled, her eyes narrowed in Ryleigh's direction. "I cannot believe that you are actually choosing him over us. A guy you've known for a few months over the team who has had your back for four years. You're a traitor and you're a backstabber and you're completely naïve if you think that this relationship has any chance of lasting."

Ryleigh at least was smart enough to look guilty.

Fred just looked bored.

"Y'know, I never considered my best friend to be the biggest liar in the school but that's what it's come to," Kye continued. "Though I suppose I can't be all that surprised considering who raised you."

That sparked some interest.

"How many women has your father had affairs with in his twenty-year marriage to a woman he clearly doesn't love?" Kye continued. "Five that you know of, right? I can only imagine how many there are that you don't know about. Then again, your mother certainly is a hard woman to love since all she does is drink her days away and cry about not being good enough for the Carver legacy."

Ryleigh was glaring at her best friend, flames bursting out of her ears.

Me? I just grinned.

"That's why your sister left, isn't it?" a new voice chimed in via Violet Decker. "Couldn't bear your cheating father and your alcoholic mother? Hasn't spoken a word to you in two years now, has she?"

Ryleigh was clearly hating this which made me somehow love it more.

For the record, I lacked a soul.

"Your family problems aside, you have the worst taste in men," Bryce Thompson commented. "You choose the wrong guy every time. The guy who is going to cheat on you and break your heart as if you're some glutton for punishment. Enter Weasley."

"Can you blame her?" Cider Motts pointed out. "She's clearly following in the footsteps of Mumsy and Daddy Dearest, under the impression that the only thing love is good for _is_ for breaking hearts."

"First, Tanner Carmichael totally cheated on you in fourth year _multiple_ times," Iris Beck said.

Lionel Swenson swooped in. "Then you decided to date the biggest Casanova in school who was three bloody years older than you and you were actually shocked when you found out he was shagging half his year whenever he wasn't hanging out with you."

"Don't forget, she claimed to be in love with Louis Weasley for an entire year, so perhaps she's just some fame junkie, only after Fred for his last name," Shaina, one of their reserves, chimed in.

That one appeared to have surprised Fred which gave me some sort of sick pleasure.

"Then there was her really brilliant idea of dating Callum Finch for a week," Talya, another reserve, spoke. Glancing at Ryleigh, she shrugged. "You were asking to be cheated on for that one."

"Uh, hi, standing right here," Callum barked.

"Did you not cheat on her?" Kye spoke up with a snort.

He shrugged, a hint of a smirk on his face. "Well, yeah, she was a lousy lay."

"Ah, yes, I was hoping that would come up," Kye chimed in with a laugh, glancing towards Ryleigh who had a rather contemptuous gleam in her eyes. "I mean, did you honestlythink losing your bloody virginity to the resident douchebag was a _good_ idea?"

That one seemed to surprise all of us in the circle.

"Uh, hi, resident douchebag standing right here," Callum snapped.

"Shut up, Finch, this isn't about you," Kye snapped before returning her attention on to her friend. "Apparently you haven't learned your lesson at all because Fred Weasley is the epitome of man-whore douchebag."

She certainly wasn't wrong about that.

"He doesn't know a thing about commitment. He lives for bachelorhood," Bryce drawled. "He sleeps around with any girl that will have him and the fact that you are under the impression he'll change for you is laughable."

Fred looked like he wanted to murder the Hufflepuffs which only made me smirk.

I was finding too much pleasure in his pain.

And I didn't hate it.

Kye spoke up once again. "In case you forgot, he's slept with _half the school_ by now, including yours truly."

"Me, too," Iris spoke.

"And me," Cider murmured.

"Unfortunately, me," Shaina sighed.

I was desperately trying to hold back my laughter as I watched Jade Mallard, the Slytherin reserve, nod and Ainsley Bennett from Ravenclaw sigh and say, "Me, too."

My own amusement quickly died, however, when an all-too-familiar voice spoke out.

"He slept with me, too."

I gaped at Hattie from across the circle, a feeling of utter betrayal sending waves of numb shock through my bloodstream.

She was avoiding eye contact with me but one glance towards Fred whose head was down and whose eyes were squeezed shut in overwhelming guilt confirmed the truth.

"What? _When_?" I called out in utter disbelief.

There was no response but no response was enough to tell me that it had definitely happened when Hattie and I were knee-deep in our own sexual relationship.

Here I thought his only betrayal was lying to me for four months and getting himself benched a week before our match all for a girl, but as it turned out, the betrayal didn't stop there.

And in that moment, I legitimately hated him.

I've dealt with betrayal my whole life. My father kept secrets from me for eleven years and my mother went along with it. My brother went from being a mate to being the guy who upstaged me in everything we did. People only cared about who I was became of my surname. The press found sick pleasure in turning me into just another one of their puppets.

There were only two people I let myself trust anymore and one of them was Fred.

Turns out, he was one of the people I never should have trusted at all.

"You fucking asshole," I snapped at my cousin. "You lying, deceitful piece of shit. You don't even know the goddamned meaning of the word 'friend,' do you?"

"Er, Potter? It's not Gryffindor's turn yet," Brooks sighed.

"Fuck off, Pruitt, I'm just getting started," I snapped at him, taking a step closer to my cousin who was staring at the ground with a grimace. "You are supposed to be my cousin, my friend, _my brother_ but you're nothing but a backstabbing traitor just like everyone else in my life."

He merely rolled his eyes, though I could have sworn I saw a flicker of guilt in his eyes.

I wanted to punch him in the face for it.

He didn't get to feel guilty when there shouldn't have been anything to feel guilty for.

"It's no wonder your own goddamned father doesn't care about you," I sneered, hitting him where I knew it would hurt the most. "We both know you were only born to replace his dead brother."

Fred's head snapped up and he stared at me in clear shock and disbelief.

If he wanted to blind-side me, I had no problem blind-siding him right back.

"Every time he looks at you, that's all he sees. Every time you laugh, all he hears is his twin brother. Every time you find a way to disappoint him, and let's face it you do that often, he's thinking about how his own brother never disappointed him," I sneered at Fred.

"James," a voice hissed behind me. I knew it was Roxanne, which meant that they were all there, listening to me annihilate Fred. But I didn't care. I was livid. No, I was beyond livid. I was out for blood.

Not only did Fred lie to me about Ryleigh and not only did he break the Code, but he slept with the only girl I had ever had feelings for _and didn't say anything to me_.

I was done with him.

And I was going to make sure he knew it.

"You're only going into that family business of yours, Fred, because you are _so bloody desperate_ to win over your own father's approval. And the worst part is, you pretend not to care. You pretend it doesn't bother you. You pretend you're okay being second best. You pretend it doesn't hurt to know your own father doesn't love you. You pretend that I'm the screwed up one when _you are far more screwed up than I am._ Your father doesn't care about you and now neither do I," I continued, letting the rest of the group fade into the background as I locked eyes with Fred. "Face it, Fred, you will never be good enough for anybody and I guarantee that Ryleigh will soon see that for herself."

I ignored the shock and the anger and the confusion and the pain in Fred's gaze. Once upon a time, I might have cared. I didn't anymore.

"How does it feel knowing you will never compare to the real Fred? How does it feel knowing that you will never meet your father's expectations?" I hissed. "How does it feel knowing you couldn't possibly live up to his brother's legacy? How does it feel knowing you'll always be second best? How does it feel knowing he'll never love you like he loved his own brother? _How does it feel, Fred_?"

The pitch went silent. Only the sound of the mid-winter's breeze filled our ears. Nobody spoke. Nobody moved. All eyes darted back and forth between myself and Fred, waiting for the thick cloud of betrayal to perish with the night sky.

And Fred just stood there staring at me, his eyes forcefully locking with mine with a hatred I had never witnessed before. It was rigid and intense, his eyes so dark they were nearly black. His upper lip was curled up, his cheeks burning red from rage.

I didn't know how long he stared at me, the silence between us coated with fury, but I held his stare with my own glare until he broke his hand apart from Ryleigh's and walked away.

Confusion settled into all of our expressions before Brooks called out after him. "Oy, where the hell are you going?" he barked as we all watched Fred's retreating back disappear towards the exit. " _We're not done here_!"

But Fred ignored him and kept on walking.

As I watched him go, I became quite aware that while Fred had started the fight, I had drawn the line in the sand.

There was no coming back from this.

And what was worse was I wasn't sure I cared.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I didn't stick around. Doing so would have only resulted in my cousins yelling at me, Alice scolding me, and my brother glaring at me. So when it was clear the Roast was apparently over, I swiftly rushed back towards the castle on my own.

I was still angry but I knew in the deepest crevice of my hardened heart that I had taken it too far. I knew even as the words had been spilling from my mouth that it was wrong of me. That I should have elected not to participate like the rest of my family. I might have felt betrayed by one of the last people I felt was in my corner but hurting Fred didn't suddenly make me hurt less. But was I sorry?

The fact that I didn't know the answer to that question made me think I really had no heart.

I wound my way through the hallways, taking the long way and almost daring a professor to catch me, but alas, I made it back to the Fat Lady just after 1:00 AM without having run into anyone. I poked her a few times before she woke up and while she grumbled under her breath at me, she let me in after I provided her with the password.

The common room was unsurprisingly empty and I disappeared up the stairs, pushing open the door to my bedroom and sauntering in.

I froze when I saw Fred laying on his bed, staring up at the ceiling.

He slowly turned his head to me, the look in his eyes as cool as ice, and I wondered for a brief moment if he was still under the silencing spell, but then he began to speak.

"We are not cousins. We are not friends. We are not even acquaintances. _You are nothing to me."_

And with that, he forcefully pulled his hangings closed and shut himself out of my life forever.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

 **A/N:** Dun, dun, dun.

Not James' finest hour, I'll admit. But we all know that he's an emotional guy at heart even if he pretends not to be. So what does this mean for the future?

Next up: The unthinkable happens.


	20. You Were My Friend

**A/N:** Loved, loved, LOVED the many mixed reactions of last chapter! Some thought that James was justified in his spur-of-the-moment reaction, others thought he wasn't. Some of you are on Fred's side, others are on James'. I love when characters and a storyline that I develop can cause so much reader emotion. And I appreciate you sharing those emotions with me. I am obviously invested in this story. Perhaps too much. I have been living and breathing this story for so long that sometimes it's hard for me to step back and look at it from the perspective of a new reader. Because I not only know how this story began, I know how it ends. I know the story arc. I know what happens to James and Alice and Fred and yes, even all of the secondary characters. And because of that, I see each of these characters a certain way. I feel what they're feeling and think what they're thinking. But you only get what James is thinking and not only that, you only get what he is thinking now. So PLEASE continue giving me your feedback because it honestly does help me reread the upcoming chapter in a more objective way. And if there is tweaking that needs to be done, I will do it.

 **A WAY WITH WORDS**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 20: You Were My Friend

" _You were my friend, you were my friend  
How could you let me down?  
You were my friend  
How can you stand and lie to me and look me in the face?  
I wish I knew what strange disease could make you act that way  
All the things we did together  
I've known you for so long  
I always did believe in you  
How could I be so wrong?"  
_-Chi Coltrane

* * *

 **XOXOXO**

I couldn't very well stay in the same room with Fred after that so I left. The Fat Lady was very much not pleased with me when I woke her up for a second time in just a few short minutes, but I mumbled an insincere apology and wandered the halls aimlessly.

Fred's words were that of a broken record reeling through my mind. I didn't know what to make of them. One minute, they irritated me. The next, I felt ashamed. And when I wasn't feeling either, I just felt nothing. I was torn between my own emotions, standing at the foot of a deep valley and staring up into an abyss of his betrayal intertwining with mine. It all felt muddled, too confusing and far too heartbreaking to make sense of.

Was what I did to him worse than what he did to me?

I wish the answer to that question was easy but it wasn't.

The only thing that seemed to be clear was the blunt knowledge that I had just lost a friend and a cousin. And maybe that was partly my fault but the blunt truth of the matter was that he was the one who started our fight. I was just the one who ended it.

It was a strange feeling, to experience both guilt and anger at the same time. To feel remorseful for exposing my own family member's somewhat fabricated familial baggage in front of a group of mostly strangers and yet to feel my entire heart breaking in fury and shock that my own friend and cousin could wind up so easily betraying me in so many different ways that I hadn't seen coming.

I wasn't someone who let others in often. Never actually. Fred and Alice were the only two people who I decided it was worth keeping around. And they had been there for me for seventeen years. When I discovered the truth about my lying father, the two of them were there to remind me life wasn't all bad. When Albus filled the role of perfect son and I suddenly became an afterthought, they were there to remind me I didn't need my brother. When Dad stopped showing up to my matches, they were there with the firewhisky. When Mum made excuses for Dad, they were there to offer me a supportive smile. They were there through it at all and saw how much it had hurt me to lose out on so much trust that should have somehow been a given. They were there through every betrayal to watch the light in my eyes die out and another piece of my heart break. They were there because they knew I needed them there, needed to know that as long as I had them in my life, I didn't need anyone else.

So I let Fred in. I let myself need him. I let myself trust him.

Which just means that in the end, he hurt me most of all.

I had wanted to hurt him the same way he had hurt me, to lessen the feeling of betrayal in my own heart by betraying his own. To hurt him so that I could hurt less.

For the record, it didn't work.

No, now I just felt empty.

Glancing around at my surroundings, I realized that my feet had dragged me to the Head Dorm. I stared at the door, wondering what Alice would have to say on the matter. I had to imagine she wasn't pleased with me. I had to imagine no one was pleased with me.

But I had nowhere else to go.

Muttering the password, I slipped inside and tiptoed up Alice's stairwell. I knocked lightly on the door, deciding that barging in on her at two in the morning was hardly a good idea, and waited a few minutes before Alice answered it.

I met her gaze and I could see the hesitation staring back at me.

"Turns out, you really _are_ a much better person than I am," I murmured.

She looked at me and without saying anything on the subject, she opened her door, gestured inside, and said, "C'mon, let's get some sleep."

And I was certain I never appreciated her more.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

If only sleep could come to me. But every time I closed my eyes, all I saw was Fred's hateful eyes staring at me. I heard his words ringing in my ear. Hell, I heard my words, too. Over and over again. I felt my cousin's judging eyes staring at me. I felt the hatred in the air.

And when I wasn't feeling guilty, I was feeling confusion and anger at the very thought that Fred not only had the audacity to sleep with Hattie but had the audacity to keep it a secret.

It was enough to make a bloke go utterly mad.

"Can't sleep?"

I jumped, not realizing that I wasn't the only one awake. I turned around to face her and saw her inquisitive eyes staring back at me. "That obvious, hm?" I murmured.

She offered me a small smile. "You've been tossing and turning for the past two hours."

"Sorry."

Her eyes met mine through the dark. "I can't sleep either," she admitted.

I glanced at her for a brief moment before lifting my gaze towards the ceiling, waiting for my eyes to adjust to the darkness around me. "He slept with Hattie."

There was a long pause before she spoke. "I know. Jax told us."

I knew he had told her, and probably my family members, as a way of trying to justify what I said, but something told me no one believed it was actually justified.

I couldn't help but agree with that, too, but it was too late to take it back now.

"I thought he was my friend, but…" I trailed off, unable to express my betrayal aloud.

"Maybe it's not what you think," she whispered. "Maybe he hooked up with her before you and Hattie were ever a thing."

I slowly shook my head. "I know every girl he's ever been with, Ryleigh aside, because he's told me," I spoke. "He didn't tell me about her because he didn't want me to know. And we both know the only logical reason behind that."

She didn't respond which made me think she unfortunately agreed with me.

The ache was back in my heart and I was finding it near impossible to breathe. I couldn't recall a time I had felt so many different emotions running rampant in both my mind and my heart and it all suddenly felt suffocating. I tried to focus in on one of the cracks in the ceiling, tried to tune out the conflicting emotions of guilt and betrayal running through my veins, tried to suppress the pain throbbing in my heart, but somehow trying so hard to ignore it all made it all so much more dominant and all I could do was try to catch my breath as the panic enveloped my body.

I felt Alice's body curling into mine and that single motion seemed to calm me down. She always had been good at that.

When I turned to her, I saw the devastating concern staring back at me and I knew I wasn't hiding my emotions all that well.

"I trusted him," I whispered. "I don't trust anyone but I trusted him. And now I just don't know whether to hate him or myself."

She said nothing as she slowly nodded, brushing a stray hair from my face and resting her chin on my shoulder as if she knew that right now, comforting me was the only way to possibly make the ache in my heart go away. She opened her mouth a few times but no words came out. I could see she wanted to say something that might quiet the ache in my heart but even she, like me, wasn't convinced it was possible.

When I glanced over at her, I saw a helplessness in her eyes that I had not been witness to in the past.

It was the same helplessness I felt in my heart.

"You shouldn't have said what you did," she spoke hesitantly, her desperate eyes meeting mine, "But I get why you did it. You already felt lied to and cheated by him the way he put your Quidditch team in jeopardy, a team you have worked so hard for. He knew how important the team and the game was to you. It was important to him at one point too and just because his values changed didn't mean he should have expected yours to, also. And the fact that he never really apologized for that just added insult to injury. I know how much that hurt. How much that still hurts. And if that wasn't enough to completely crush you, then…"

She trailed off and I knew she was struggling to find the right way to describe yet another moment of his betrayal. So I said it for her. "Then he slept with the only girl I've ever really cared about, besides you of course, and instead of just telling me about it when it happened, no matter what my reaction might have been, he kept that a bottled-up secret from me just like he did Ryleigh. And we're really supposed to believe he's suddenly matured when he straight-up lied to the people he's supposed to care about most?"

I saw the reluctance in Alice's gaze that showed me she was inclined to agree with me, the first time she appeared to be doing so since the Fred-Ryleigh bomb was dropped. "You know what I find the most disconcerting?" she murmured.

"We haven't said it already?" I growled.

She offered me a small smile before it quickly faded. "From what Jax told me, it sounds like Kye said some pretty horrible stuff about and to her supposed best friend and yet Ryleigh stayed put the entire time she was being roasted. But Fred…"

"Ran away the moment the tables were turned?" I finished, shaking my head in disbelief. "I hadn't thought about that until now. Just proves that once again, he's a bloody coward."

She hesitated. "Can I play devil's advocate here for a moment?"

I sighed. "Go ahead."

"I think it might be slightly different coming from a friend versus a blood relative."

I frowned. "Is it though?" I muttered curiously. "It's still hurtful. Can't imagine Ryleigh will be looking to patch things up with Kye anytime soon."

Alice shrugged before nodding in agreement. "Yeah, I don't see that happening anytime soon either."

"Then again," I spoke softly, "I don't see Fred and I patching things up _ever_. So maybe you're not completely wrong."

I felt Alice's gaze on me but I once again stared up at the ceiling, not sure I wanted to see whatever pity she was probably offering me in her expression.

"I'm sorry he hurt you," she whispered.

My heart suddenly felt as if it were on fire, both expanding within my chest and tightening against it, crushing every other organ possible and leaving me with nothing but a pit of despair.

"Yeah," I choked out, "Me, too."

I felt her reach for my hand and squeeze it tightly. "You know that everything's going to be okay, Jay, right?"

That was the first time I could ever remember Alice lying to me.

"And if it isn't," she spoke hesitantly, confirming my every fear, "There's at least one thing we have left."

My eyebrow shot up. "Each other?"

She smiled. "Yes, okay, we have that. But there's something else."

"I'm afraid to ask."

A coy smile appeared on her face and before I knew what was happening, she was pulling herself off the bed and trekking over to her music player.

"No," I groaned.

" _Yes_ ," she giggled, digging through her albums.

"Dancing it out isn't going to fix things, Ace," I said a little too desperately. "It's not going to change them."

"That's never its purpose, Jay."

I sighed. "If you really think it's even remotely possible that I could feel better after the night we just had, you're crazy."

"Crazy for music," she teased and she picked out an album and placed it on the music player. Sad lyrics filled the room.

 _I find it hard to say the things I want to say the most  
Find a little bit of steady as I get close  
Find a balance in the middle of the chaos  
Send me low send me high send me never demigod_

"C'mon, Jay," she pleaded, "Maybe it won't make you feel better, but it'll make me feel better to try."

I groaned. "I lost my best friend and my cousin. Dancing it out isn't going to help."

"I lost my mother and the only thing that helped _was_ dancing it out."

I met the vulnerability in her gaze as the song faded into the background. "You just had to go and bring up the mother card, didn't you," I sighed.

She offered me a sad smile and extended her hand to me. "Sometimes when you're feeling like the whole world is crashing down around you, all you can do is put on a song and dance around the room with a friend. It may not change the way things are, but for just a moment, for the tiniest of moments, for the length of a single song, the world doesn't have to fall apart. It can just fade away."

Those words made my heart feel a lot heavier than I was expecting and yet it sounded so appealing to just get out of my head if even for just a few minutes.

So I took her hand and we danced it out.

 _Hello, hello let me tell what it's like to be a zero, zero  
Let me show you what it's like to never feel, feel  
Like I'm good enough for anything that's real, real  
I'm looking for a way out_

 _I find it hard to tell you how I want to run away  
I understand it always makes you feel a certain way  
I find a balance in the middle of the chaos  
Send me up send me down  
Send me never demigod_

She was right. For those three minutes, it wasn't about Fred or Ryleigh or Hattie. It wasn't even about me. It was just about that moment and that song and that dance and Alice. And it felt therapeutic.

But just for a moment.

Because when the song ended, so too did that moment.

And suddenly I was right back to hating my cousin and knowing that I was hated back.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I skipped breakfast the next day, hardly having the energy to face any potential judging Quidditch players or even Fred, and headed towards the pitch to get in some practice time with Hugo. Came across a few of the Ravenclaw players, all of whom looked at me with condescending eyes which told me I was right to skip breakfast. I was just grateful none of them said anything because if they had, there was a good chance I'd find a way to lash out at them, too.

I was halfway towards the pitch when I heard my name being called out. Glancing over my shoulder, I stiffened as Neville wandered my way.

"Mr. Potter," he spoke, offering me a hesitant nod, "A curious thing happened last night."

Uh-oh.

"Several house elves made mention of a handful of students sneaking back into their common rooms in the wee hours of the morning."

Oh, right. That.

"Yes, that _is_ rather curious," I responded with a mere shrug.

Neville's eyes narrowed. "Even more curious, it appears that they were all Quidditch players."

"Well, no one ever said Quidditch players were experts in being stealthy."

Neville sighed. "What in Merlin's name were you all doing out at one o'clock in the morning?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," I said immediately.

"Oh, I think you do."

"I was with your daughter in her room all night, sir," I argued. "And you and I both know she wasn't one of the ones sneaking around."

He shot me quite the look. "You don't think I realize that my daughter has had her own inclination towards breaking curfew, typically because she's off gallivanting in Hogsmeade with a certain Quidditch Captain I know?"

Guess we weren't as stealthy as we once thought.

"Dammit, is she sneaking off with Pruitt again?" I groaned. "I've warned her multiple times that he's bad news!"

Neville growled but didn't get the chance to retort as coincidentally, his daughter appeared at my side dressed in her Quidditch gear. She smiled at both of us, though it quickly faded when she clearly realized we weren't just shooting the breeze.

"Good morning," she greeted the both of us, caution in her eyes.

"Where were you last night, Alice?" her father probed.

She blinked. "Er…in my bed?"

"Doing what?"

"I would think the obvious answer would be sleeping."

I had to bite down on my bottom lip to keep myself from laughing.

"Oh, so that's it?" he growled. "You were in your room alone sleeping all night?"

"I never said I was alone," she argued with a curt shrug. "James was there, too."

Yes! Alibi Alice to the rescue!

Hey, that had a nice ring to it. I made a mental note to remember that for later.

Neville sighed. "Sneaking out of the castle and breaking curfew are serious offenses, you two."

"Good thing we were doing neither, Daddy," Alice said with that angelic grin of hers.

New nickname: Angelic Alibi Alice.

No, wait, Alibi Alice the Angel.

Or Alice the Alibi Angel?

So many possibilities.

Her father merely sighed and walked away, muttering something about "being too old for this."

Alice turned to me with a raised eyebrow. "How'd he find out?"

"House elves," I sighed. "I always knew I hated those shifty creatures."

She smirked. "Don't go telling your Aunt Hermione that."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Hugo was getting better. He wasn't quite at the level of Fred, nor was I really expecting him to be, but at least I could trust Hugo as a member of my team, who told me on several occasions that he wouldn't let me down. And I'd take a trustworthy player over a traitor any day.

I was strolling back towards the castle when I noticed a lone figure heading my way. I nearly froze when I realized it was Kye and I was surprised to see that she looked just as miserable as I felt.

"Tannehill," I greeted. "You heading towards the pitch?"

She nodded solemnly. "Working with my reserve."

"Ooh, and which reserve is that?"

She rolled her eyes but I swore I saw her top lip curl up in slight amusement. "You'll find out next Saturday."

She slid past me and I should have just let that be the end of the conversation, but I knew that if there was anyone who could understand why I said what I did the night before, it would certainly be her. "What are your thoughts on what happened last night?"

She hesitated before slowly turning around, a frown etched into her now-hostile expression. "On which part?"

I looked at her curiously before saying, "All of it."

Her lips pursed. "Well, Ryleigh isn't all that pleased with me at the moment which I obviously expected and hell, if I wasn't still so pissed at her for screwing over my team, I'd care but frankly, I don't have time to care about that or her right now," she growled and I felt an odd amount of relief to know that I really wasn't alone in what I was feeling. "And as to what you said to Fred, I would have done the same thing had I found out that one of the only people in the world who I actually trusted turned out to be the biggest fraud of them all."

I was shocked and yet grateful for her words knowing that there was at least one person out there who seemed to understand where I had been coming from.

"Well, I now have a total of two people who don't completely hate me."

Kye frowned. "More people than I have," she muttered.

I knew in that moment that I was extremely lucky to have Alice in my life, who may not always agreed with my shortcomings but who never outwardly judged them either. "Well," I said in slight awkwardness, "You have me."

She looked at me in both surprise and gratitude. "That would mean a whole lot more if you weren't the most hated person in Hogwarts right now," she teased.

I pouted but wound up letting out an amused chuckle. "I wouldn't say most hated," I huffed. "Don't forget, Brooks Pruitt is still roaming the halls."

She cracked a smile. "I think the Quidditch teams are a tad busy hating on you to hate on him right now."

I frowned. "But why?" I scoffed. "Is it because what I said was directed at my own family? Is that it?"

"I don't know," she said, perhaps a little too quickly, "I just know that Fred clearly wasn't expecting that kind of backlash while Ryleigh was expecting hers."

My eyes narrowed in confusion. "She was?"

Kye sighed. "She asked me yesterday evening if I was planning on dredging up her family history," she muttered. "I didn't confirm it but I didn't deny it either. I kinda just half-yelled at her, telling her she deserved what was coming, and then stormed out."

Suddenly, it made a little more sense as to why Ryleigh stayed put during her Roast while Fred walked out of his.

"Oh" was all I could think of to say.

"Fred shouldn't have walked out," Kye said as if she was reading my mind.

I looked at her with a shrug. "Wouldn't you have?"

She hesitated before saying, "No. Because I never would have broken the Code in the first place."

"Amen to that," I muttered before letting out a quiet sigh. "I don't know about you but I'm just ready to put last night behind us and focus on what actually matters."

"Hufflepuff beating Gryffindor at next week's match?"

" _You're going down, Tannehill_."

"In your dreams, Potter."

"You _wish_ you were in my dreams, Tannehill."

She grinned and then I grinned and it hit me then that just because my heart hurt didn't mean the rest of me had to, too.

She saluted me, offered me a quick wink, and then skipped down the pathway towards the pitch, leaving me alone once again.

But not for long.

For as I entered the castle, I ran headfirst into one of the last people I wanted to see.

Ryleigh Carver.

She looked up at me in surprise, a deer in headlights look suddenly flashing across her expression. I could see that I was quite possibly the last person she wanted to be dealing with, too.

I shot her a rather scathing glare before heading off towards the entranceway stairwell.

"I'm sorry" I heard her say behind me.

I probably should have kept walking but I didn't.

"You're _sorry_?" I seethed, whirling around to face her in all my rage-filled glory. "You really think I have _any_ interest in hearing your pedestrian apology?"

She frowned. "No," she spoke softly, "But I think you deserve to hear it."

I gaped at her. "You know what I deserve?" I snapped. "A Quidditch player who isn't so willing to turn his back on a team who was counting on him. A Quidditch player who actually feels _sorry_ for screwing everything up. I deserve a friend who doesn't completely lie to my face even when I try to call him out on it. A friend who doesn't shag the only girl I've ever really cared about and proceed to, and here's something completely unshocking, _keep it from me._ I deserve fucking better. And maybe he didn't deserve what I said to him but hey, at least I had the audacity to tell him the truth to his goddamned face."

I tried storming off then but she didn't let that be the last word. "Hate him for lying to you but don't blame him for doing it because that part's on me."

Those words stopped me and I once again turned around to look at her. "What?" was all I said.

She frowned and said nothing at first, carefully choosing her next words. "He wanted to tell you," she spoke softly. "Back when it first started and then especially after you started to catch on to his lies and multiple times since then. I begged him not to."

"He didn't have to listen to you," I growled. "And why were you so willing to lie to everybody?"

She bit down on her bottom lip in a hesitantly vulnerable way. "Because I was afraid of everything that happened last night happening."

My eyes narrowed. "You break the Code, you get roasted, Carver. That's just-"

"No, I don't mean the Roast," she sighed. "Well, not really. I was just afraid of everyone judging me for being naïve enough to believe that somebody with Fred's less-than-respectable reputation could ever really care about me."

I snorted. "You were right to think that everyone was going to look at you that way. You heard it for yourself. He's no boyfriend of the year. In case you forgot, he's pretty much slept with half of Hogwarts, Carver."

"All of whom I knew about."

I hesitated before asking, "Even Hattie?"

The guilty look on her face told me that she had in fact known about Hattie.

So evidently the only person Fred had no problem lying to was me.

"Yeah, I knew," she muttered. "He told me about all of them. Can't say I was very happy about it at the time but I knew he just didn't want to keep anything from me."

"If only he extended that same courtesy to others," I drawled.

She winced. "James-"

"I don't' want to hear it, Carver," I practically pleaded. "Maybe you're okay giving him the benefit of the doubt but I shouldn't have to do that. He was my cousin and my best mate. There shouldn't have been any reason for me not to trust him."

"I know that. And-"

"No, you _don't_ ," I seethed. "You don't get it. You've been with him for a few months, Carver. I've been with him for nearly eighteen years."

"James-"

"But, hey, he's all yours now," I drawled, my fists clenching at my side. "I'm done with him just as much as he's done with me."

"Oh, so that's it?" she growled. "One mistake and suddenly, your friendship isn't worth saving?"

I couldn't help the laugh that spilled from my lips. "One mistake?" I prompted. "It wasn't _one mistake_ , Carver. It was multiple mistakes, none of which he's actually had the decency to apologize for. So maybe what I said to him last night was inexcusable but it's not like he's any kind of bloody saint himself. And believe me, if you haven't figured that out for yourself yet, I can promise you it's coming."

Her eyes darkened. "I know he's not perfect. Far from it actually. But if you think a couple of judgmental comments from my team members is going to stop me from being with him, you're wrong. Our relationship is a lot stronger than you, or anyone, gives us credit for."

That irritated me more than anything she had ever said because here I was under the impression that my friendship with Fred was supposed to be stronger than any other relationships in his life. But apparently not.

"Y'know, Carver, to be frank, I don't really give a shit how strong your relationship might or might not be," I drawled, shaking my head defiantly. "I have a Quidditch match to win and thanks to you and Fred springing this on us at the last bloody minute, I only have a week to train my new, and frankly improved, team. So be with Fred. I don't care. But don't try to bloody justify it to me because from where I'm standing, all you and Fred actually did was completely screw over your teammates who have done absolutely nothing to deserve it."

That time, I did manage to storm off without another response from Ryleigh.

And now I was more determined than ever to beat Hufflepuff.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I should have skipped lunch, too.

Fred was sitting at the Hufflepuff table laughing with Ryleigh. _Laughing_. As if the end to a seventeen-year-old friendship meant nothing to him. As if he hadn't betrayed me first. As if he didn't care that I had betrayed him. He didn't care about any of it because he had the girl and apparently that was enough for him.

I had just made the decision to bail on lunch when various bodies collided with the bench around me. Various bodies belonging to my brother, my sister, and four of my cousins.

Fuck.

"You are such a jackass, Potter, y'know that?" Roxanne started off.

Yes.

"How could you do that to your own family?" she seethed. "Nothing that you said was even true!"

No, the worst part was that some of it was.

"Get off your high horse, Rox," I drawled. "So I said a few things to him. But he wasn't the only one blindsided last night."

"By shagging some girl you didn't even give a shit about?" she laughed and I noticed then that Lucy was sitting there, cringing.

Great, just what I wanted. For my twelve-year-old cousin to be privy to details of my sex life.

"I did give a shit about her," I snarled at Roxanne. "She's about the only girl I've ever given a shit about."

"Besides Alice," my sister spoke up.

I rolled my eyes. "Okay, I'll amend my statement. She's the only girl I've ever given a shit about _romantically_."

"Yeah, for all of _five bloody minutes_ ," Roxanne snapped at me. "And I cannot believe you're actually pissed at Fred for that when the both of you have slept with almost every single girl in the school. And I guarantee there was some overlap. So why the hell do you care so much that he slept with Hattie?"

"Because he didn't tell me!" I exclaimed. "Don't you get it, Rox? This isn't about Hattie. It's about him and me."

She only rolled her eyes. "That does not give you the right to air our family's laundry to a pitch full of outsiders. That was low, Potter, even for you."

She wasn't wrong but I was sick and tired of being blamed for it all when Fred was the one who stabbed me in the back first.

Twice.

"I never said it wasn't low," I snapped at her. "It was. But don't you dare give your brother a free pass because he's just as much as a scumbag as I am."

Roxanne glared at me. "God, you will just never take accountability for your own actions?"

"I thought that's what I just did," I groaned.

"You don't even like your brother all that much," Rose pointed out to Roxanne, her eyebrow shot up in a curious fashion.

"Yeah, you don't even like him that much!" I repeated haughtily, earning an eyeroll from Rose most likely f or my pettiness.

"He's still family!" she growled, her fists clenching at her side. "I don't appreciate anyone badmouthing my family. And I have to imagine that when word spreads to the rest of our family, it's my side they're going to be taking, not James'."

"The only word that's going to spread is that Fred and James are on the outs," Albus spoke up. I almost forgot he was there. "None of us have the guts to admit to any of our parents what James actually said."

Roxanne frowned.

"It would torture Uncle George more than it would Fred," Rose sighed knowingly.

For that to be true, Fred would have to be tortured. Which he clearly wasn't for I could still hear his laugh across the Great Hall.

I turned to Rose sharply, a sudden thought occurring to me. "How the hell do you even know what was said?"

She hesitated, her eyes meeting Albus'.

I glared at my brother, who grimaced in anticipation. "Well, so much for 'what happens on the pitch, stays on the pitch,'" I growled at him.

"She deserved to hear it from us, not from someone else," he sighed.

"She wouldn't have had to hear it from anyone if it just _stayed on the pitch_."

"Is that really what you're splitting hairs over right now?" Lily chimed in with an irritated grunt, her glare directed at me. "Fred hurt you and you hurt him. But you're still family. You'll get over this eventually."

I glanced over at my sister, the ache in my heart once again making an appearance, and all I could do was shake my head at her. "I don't know if we will," I murmured. "And frankly, if he's what family represents, maybe I'm better off without it."

The despair in my sister's expression was unmistakable and so was the disapproval in Rose's and the shock in Hugo's and the disbelief in Albus' and the irritation in Roxanne's and the hesitation in Lucy's. Maybe once upon a time, I appreciated them. Maybe once upon a time, I didn't resent all of my cousins. But if I couldn't even trust the one cousin whose back I always had, then who could I rely on?

"You don't mean that," Lily practically begged.

Unfortunately, I didn't know what I meant anymore.

I decided then it was time to just bow out.

"As lovely as this family reunion was," I drawled, standing up off the bench abruptly, "I have plans to be anywhere but here."

"Oh, of course _now_ you choose to walk away," Hugo murmured, chiming in for the first time. "You couldn't have done that last night?"

I shot him a look at the same time that Rose grabbed my arm to stop me from storming off. "C'mon, James, ignoring the hippogriff in the room doesn't make the hippogriff go away."

"I'm not ignoring the hippogriff in the room," I growled, ripping my arm away from her grasp. "I'm ignoring youguys."

And so I paid no attention to their responses of protest and walked out of the Great Hall.

Straight into Hattie Wilkes.

She froze.

I froze.

And then I glared at her before turning down the hallway in the opposite direction.

"James."

"Don't," I sneered over my shoulder.

"You're not going to even let me explain?"

I should have walked away but instead I whirled around to glare at her. "I am slightly aware that whatever the hell we were doing wasn't exclusive, but my best friend? My _cousin_? _How could you do that to me_?"

She cringed at my sheer volume, a flicker of guilty passing through her eyes. "It's not like we planned it," she whispered.

"No, you only planned to _keep it a secret from me_ ," I hissed. "It's inexcusable, Hattie."

She turned away from me with a sigh. "What you did last night to him was pretty inexcusable, too," she spoke softly.

Oh, she was so not turning this on me. No way.

" _That_ ," I snapped, "Is none of your business."

She hesitated before saying, "You made it everyone's business when you tore your own best mate to shreds in front of the entire Hogwarts Quidditch organization."

There was this sharp stitch dancing around in my heart as I glared at the unremorseful Slytherin. "It's called a bloody Roast for a reason," I hissed. "And how the hell did you expect me to react when you decided to tell everyone, _at the same time that you told me_ , that you slept with my friend and were keeping it a bloody secret from me?"

She grimaced. "I shouldn't have done that," she spoke softly.

" _Then why the hell did you_?"

She hesitated. "I don't know."

I growled. "Yes, you do. You don't just blurt that out without having some sort of reason behind it."

"I shouldn't have done-"

"You already said that," I seethed. "I want to know _why_ you said it."

"It doesn't matt-"

" _It does to me_!"

"Well, it shouldn't!"

I threw my hands in the air, the frustration and rage inside of me pouring out every time she evaded the question. "Fucking hell, Hattie, you reveal a huge secret that you had to know would nearly destroy me and Fred and you don't even have the goddamned decency to tell me why? For the love of Gryffindor, have you always been a manipulative, coldhearted bitch and I just never realized it until now?"

She gaped at me which was expected because not once had I ever called her, or even alluded that she was or could be a bitch. "The only manipulative one here is you," she spoke through her disbelief and before I could ask her what she meant, she said, "For asking me out on a date seconds before putting an end to us."

She started to walk away but I grabbed her arm. "If you recall, you were the one that ended things."

Jerking her arm away from me, she dared to look up at me. "Because I had to," she hissed. "Maybe you're okay ignoring your feelings, but I'm not. Or maybe, just maybe, you never had them to begin with."

"I had them," I countered with a growl, "But I couldn't do anything about them, Hattie."

"Oh, yes, because of the goddamned Code, right?" she scoffed, her tone filled with an edgy irritation.

At those words, or perhaps it was her tone, a curious gnat buzzed suddenly around in the back of my head. "Is that why you revealed that you slept with Fred?" I asked hesitantly. "Because you hated that Fred was willing to break the Code for Carver and I was never willing to break it for you?"

A flicker of hesitation flashed across her eyes and I knew that I had hit the nail on the head.

She said nothing at first, turning away with a solemn frown. Her eyes found a speck of dirt on the ground and she sighed before eventually muttering, "Would it be completely girly of me to say that a part of me was jealous?"

"No," I said, shaking my head, "It would be completely human of you to feel that way."

She just sighed. "So what does that make you when it wasn't jealousy at all that you felt when you found out about me and Fred?"

I looked at her sharply. "How do you know what I felt?"

"I don't know what you felt," she argued with a shrug. "I just know what you didn't feel. And it wasn't jealousy. Because if it was, you would have asked us when it happened, or why, but you didn't. You went straight into insulting Fred because it was never about me, it was always about him."

I knew she was right. When I had initially found out about Fred and Hattie, it hadn't been jealousy I felt at all. I hadn't even felt angry or upset towards Hattie. All I saw was rage and it wasn't directed at her.

I had spent eleven years looking up to my father and when I found out he had hidden so much of who he was from me, I felt blind-sided and hurt and heartbroken. And that was after eleven years. To find out that the guy I had trusted for seventeen years was also a fraud left a painful ache in my heart that I couldn't get rid of no matter how hard I tried ignoring it.

But that didn't mean she was entirely blameless.

"Maybe I was the most hurt by his betrayal but that didn't mean I didn't have genuine feelings for you at one point," I said.

She sighed. "Don't say that," she muttered. "That just makes this harder."

A tense silence coated us, both of our eyes finding their way towards the ground so as not to look awkwardly at each other.

"Why'd you do it?" I asked softly when I could no longer hold the question in.

She didn't have to ask me what I was referring to. "I saw you shagging Fiona Jordan at your summer kickoff party and I became your stereotypical girl who got jealous and pretended I wasn't by sleeping with someone else. Story of our relationship, hm? I get jealous and do something stupid while you never get jealous at all."

I let out a slow exhale as the truth of what happened between her and Fred was revealed. And in that moment, it was no longer hatred I felt. It was a kind of closure I hadn't even realized I wanted.

"Maybe I'm just not a jealous person," I argued.

She hesitated before saying, "Or maybe there's only one person who gets your jealousy going."

My brow furrowed. "What?"

She smirked. "Alice."

I groaned. "Oh, Merlin, we aren't going to get into a conversation about her again, are we?"

She just laughed. "Think about it, James. _Really think about it_."

"Hm, yeah, I'd rather not."

That only seemed to make her laugh more. "When she was on her date with Rudy, you couldn't stop eyeing him up, wondering what the two of them were up to, questioning him and them. You hated every minute of it. And you know why?"

"Because Rudy Frankel is a douchebag?"

"Oh, he is not," she groaned. "He's sweet and genuine and funny and smart and he's a really good kisser."

I gaped at her.

"Don't worry, that happened after you and I ended things," she teased.

"Good to know," I muttered, shaking my head at her.

"You hated every minute of her date with Rudy," Hattie repeated with a knowing shrug, "Because you were jealous."

"No, I wasn't," I groaned. "And I really hate that everyone keeps implying that there's something between me and Ace when there isn't."

"Everyone, hm?" she smirked. "So I'm not the only one who thinks this?"

"Let's go back to me reprimanding you for sleeping with my cousin. That was more fun for me," I whined.

She laughed and because she clearly wasn't done making her point, said, "Let me just say one more thing."

"Of course you're not done yet," I muttered.

Ignoring me, she set her determined gaze on me and said softly, "Maybe the reason you've struggled to listen to your heart all these years isn't because you're afraid to but because it already belongs to someone else."

Out of all the things that she could have said, those words hit me the hardest.

Because it suddenly hit me that with Fred letting me down, that left me with only one person left in my life who I could trust. And that meant that there was only one person left in my life who could break me.

And Alice Longbottom was quite possibly the only person in the world who could.

I thought back to New Year's Eve when I had an odd inkling to kiss Alice. I remembered how broken I felt when I thought Alice wanted to put distance between us. I recalled when Fred referred to us as an old married couple with a perfect relationship. I heard Hattie telling me the day after New Year's Eve that maybe Alice was the girl I wanted. I thought about all the guys I hexed just for talking or even looking at Alice. I considered the time I showed up by her side when Brooks attacked her mother because even though we were fighting, I couldn't imagine not being there for her. I thought back to when she was joking about how she was the one thing I loved most in the world and how I'd never let any girl get between us. I remembered my brother's description of heartbreak and how it could oddly be applied to myself and Alice.

Was the obvious answer just staring me in the face?

Did I have feelings for Alice Longbottom?

Or was I just letting other people turn our friendship into something it wasn't?

I glanced over at Hattie who was still looking at me with a curious look on her face and I found myself suddenly annoyed that on top of dealing with the shitstorm that is the aftermath of the previous night, I now had one more confusing feeling to add to my already abundant wealth of emotions.

Oh, and if that wasn't enough, I had a match I needed to win in _five bloody days_.

I mean, _what else could possibly go wrong?_

(If I had known what was to come, I might not have asked myself that question.)

"You're wrong about me and Alice" was all I could think of to say to Hattie.

She smiled again. I really hated that smile. "Maybe you believed that once upon a time," she said with a mere shrug. "But I don't think you do anymore."

Before I could argue with her, she took off down the hallway without another word.

Which was probably for the best because I wasn't entirely sure I had anything more to say either.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I knew I couldn't avoid my bedroom forever so I reluctantly traipsed upstairs just before midnight on that particular Sunday. I slunk into the room and first noticed the hangings on Fred's bed thrust closed. I didn't hear his usual snoring so I had to imagine he wasn't asleep yet but I was slightly grateful that I didn't have to deal with the awkwardness of the two of us moving around the room at the same time.

I tossed the Quidditch playbook on to my bedside table and began to undress. I was tossing an old T-shirt over my head when a voice spoke.

"Alright, is anyone going to fill me in on what happened?"

I jumped, glancing over to where Dash was now sitting up in his own bed. "You know what happened, Finnigan," I muttered.

Dash shook his head. "Oh, no, this is something so much more than Fred's out-of-character decision to be someone's boyfriend. Which, for the record, still blows my mind," he murmured with a mere shrug. "But something happened last night that has turned the whole school against you and I know it has something to do with Fred."

"You're being paranoid," I lied.

Dash's eyes narrowed. He took a quick peek towards Parker's closed hangings before saying, "Who do you think unsilenced Fred last night when he came back to the room at one-thirty in the morning?"

I stiffened, glancing over at my roommate who was now looking at me with knowing frustration. "Did he say anything to you?"

"No, but he didn't have to."

All I could do was frown. "Don't worry about it, Dash," I sighed. "It's not your problem."

He growled. "I will be a pale mother-fucker for the rest of my life with the amount of shade being thrown around the room."

"Cute metaphor," I drawled.

When I said nothing more, he sighed. "Seriously? That's it? _'Cute metaphor_?'"

"That's what I said, isn't it."

He groaned and leaned back to hit his head against his pillow. "You two are stressing me out," he whined. "And I don't need any more stress in my life. I'm already dealing with Shayne giving me dirty looks every five seconds. I-"

"Which you deserve," I reminded him.

"-I can't deal with my two roommates breaking out into World War Seven."

I blinked. "This has nothing to do with—wait, what happened to World War Three through Six?"

"I don't know, but I'm assuming in the past seventy years, a handful of other World Wars have broken out."

An unexpected smile crept on to my face as I shook my head at him. "There's something not right in the head with you sometimes, Dash."

"Guess Shayne kept me sane."

"No way. Girls only turn us _in_ sane. They're manipulative little creatures, they are."

Dash rolled his eyes. "Let's go back to talking about World War Seven."

"There is no World War," I sighed. "It's _maybe_ a Cold War with all that so-called shade you referred to. Though, if I'm being honest, I'm not entirely sure what shade you're referring to as Fred and I are pretty much on non-speaking terms with each other."

"Clearly," Dash drawled, "Considering he's been listening to this conversation the entire time and not offering up a single response."

I glanced towards Fred's bed just in time to see him stick his middle finger out of his hangings in Dash's direction. He then pulled it back in without saying a word.

Dash sighed. "See?"

"Then I suppose it could only be called a Civil War."

Dash's one eyebrow slowly crept into his forehead. "Civil means being courteous and polite. You two aren't anything."

"Fine, then call it a Silent War!"

"I don't think there is such a thing."

I growled at him. "You're grating on my last nerve, Finnigan."

He didn't seem to care. "Right, like you two aren't getting on mine?"

"Well, you might want to start getting used to it, Dash," I drawled.

"Or, and go with me on this one, you two could just realize that you've been best mates for nearly eighteen years and get over yourselves."

I glared at him and I saw Fred's middle finger poke out of his hangings once again. "You don't have a fucking clue what happened between us, Dash, and before you ask, no, I don't plan on telling you. Just know that you may be looking at picking a side sooner rather than later."

"Oh, hell no, I am _not_ getting stuck in the middle of you two!"

"Seems to me you already are," I growled and before he could say anything, I headed towards the bathroom. "I'm going to brush my teeth. When I come back out here, your hangings will be closed and we won't be speaking of this again, y'got that?"

"But-"

" _Good night, Finnigan_ ," I grunted as I swept into the bathroom and shut the door behind me.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Monday was, in short, awful. Every minute of it had something for me to hate. Starting with breakfast.

I was alone at the end of the Gryffindor table, minding my own business as I ignored a letter that was placed in front of me by my parents' owl, when Jax dropped on to the bench beside me. "You want the good news or the bad news?"

I looked up from my eggs. "I'd prefer there be no bad news at all."

"After the Roast on Saturday, you had to know that was unlikely."

I grimaced. "Alright, give me the bad news first."

He looked like he had been hoping I'd choose the opposite but he eventually sighed and said, "The team isn't terribly pleased with how you handled things on Saturday night. In fact, they're fairly annoyed by it."

That wasn't all that shocking but it was frustrating anyway. "He screws us all over the week before our match is scheduled and _I'm_ the one they're annoyed with?" I snarled.

Jax held up his hands. "I'm just the messenger," he squeaked. "In other news, your cousin's relationship has officially made it into the _Prophet_."

My eyebrow popped up. "Is that supposed to be the good news?"

"Let's just say his previous history with women dominated the article."

I felt weirdly gratified by that.

"Good" was all I said.

I nearly had my eyebrows singed in Charms class, which already put me in a bad mood but then I heard Fred say to his girlfriend, "Those who do the burning often get burned themselves" and if Alice hadn't grabbed my wand away from me at that time, I might have actually hexed his own eyebrows off.

"You can't hex him," Alice was saying on the way to lunch. "If you do, your Captain badge is going to someone else. And I hardly think now's the time for yet another shakeup to our team."

"Yeah, and whose fault was the first shakeup?" I growled.

She sighed as we slipped into the Gryffindor table on opposite sides. "Can I tell you something without you getting mad at me?"

"Depends what it is."

She sighed again. "I spoke to Fred last night."

I met her gaze. "I thought we agreed to hate him," I whined.

She rolled her eyes. "I didn't agree to that," she argued. "I just want you to know that I understand your side of things and I understand his. And this feud is between the two of you. I'm not going to be put in the middle of it."

I frowned. "He lies to you, too, Ace," I reminded her.

She sighed. "I know," she murmured. "But he and I spoke about it."

She said nothing more and I couldn't help but wonder if she had actually forgiven him or if she was just letting him off the hook. But I realized it didn't matter either way. Her friendship with him didn't hinge on my friendship with him. And I wasn't about to force her to end things with him just because Fred and I had come to an end ourselves.

"I don't ever want to make you feel as if you're stuck in the middle of us," I spoke softly as I loaded potatoes on to my plate. "He's your friend, Ace. And there's no reason that should stop just because he's no longer mine."

She looked slightly surprised by that declaration, clearly having been under the assumption that because I hated him, she expected me to want her to hate him, too. "Okay," she said with a small smile. Hesitating, she added, "But you should know that I did tell him that with Ryleigh and his family on his side, you deserved to know that you have someone on your side, too. So I just hope you know, Jay, that I'm always here for you."

I didn't know what to make of those words, to be annoyed or just accepting. Because it wasn't as if they were untrue. But in saying them, she made it painfully obvious, perhaps too painfully obvious, that she was the only person left in the world who actually had my back.

And that was the single most scariest thing I've ever felt because the last person who had my back stabbed a knife through it.

So who's to say Alice wouldn't one day do the same?

"I can handle myself" was what I said.

Alice looked at me, confused. "I never said you couldn't," she argued, shaking her head. "I'm just saying you don't have to do it alone."

I looked at her, sensing the desperation in her words. And it suddenly filled my heart with dread, the blunt realization now staring me in the face that the only time I ever didn't feel completely alone was when I was with her. And the very idea that I could so unexpectedly lose her, too, that I could lose the last piece of my heart I had left, that she could find a way to destroy the last bit of dignity I had left, filled me with an overwhelming sense of panic that I wish I could say was easy to ignore. But it wasn't.

"Okay" I said with a forced smile and after shoveling down half a plate of food, I abruptly stood up from the table and said, "I have to go find Hugo and talk out some more strategies."

If Alice seemed confused by my sudden departure, she didn't say anything.

Nor did she say anything when I actively avoided her all afternoon.

Because maybe not being around her was the only way to quiet my heart.

(So far, it wasn't working.)

In avoiding the Great Hall for dinner so as not to see Alice, I wound up in the kitchens alone. It was sad and pathetic but somehow eating a pizza by my lonesome seemed less sad and pathetic than making awkward conversation with Alice, whom I've never had an awkward conversation with a day in my life.

As I thanked the house elves and disappeared out of the kitchens, I found myself smacking right into Kenley Brown around the nearby corner.

"Ow!" I said, my hand immediately grasping my throbbing shoulder.

"Ow!" she said, her hand immediately rubbing her forehead. "Good Godric, James, your shoulder is rock hard."

I blinked. "Er…thank you?"

She winced and brought her hand down, a small smirk suddenly appearing on her lips. "Word around school is that you did something to make all the Quidditch players hate you."

I scowled. "Yeah? How about you join them?"

Not my best comeback but I flashed her a sardonic frown before slipping past her.

"I could. But there's always another option."

Not sure why but I stopped and slowly turned around. "I'm afraid to ask."

Her smirk grew. "You're by yourself. I'm by myself. How about we go be by ourselves in one of the nearby dungeons?"

I gaped at her. "Aren't you still dating Pruitt?"

She shrugged. "He's fun to fool around with."

"I thought he was your boyfriend."

"Sure, if you want to put a label on it."

This conversation was borderline ridiculous.

No, actually, there was no borderline about it. It was absolutely ridiculous.

"I don't want to put anything on it," I drawled, rolling my eyes. "Because I don't care. About him or you. So stop propositioning me, Brown. I promise you I'm not interested."

She flipped her hair over her shoulder with a chuckle. "You're missing out."

"I doubt that," I muttered and took that opportunity to quickly walk away with my own chuckle, amusement bubbling up inside of my otherwise damaged heart at the very idea that Kenley Brown thought I'd ever be interested in her.

It was something like this that I'd share with Alice and the two of us would spend hours laughing about.

How quickly my chuckle faded.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Practice on Monday night was, in a word, horrendous. As Jax had hinted at, I had clearly lost some respect with my teammates and they felt that that provided them with justification not to listen to me. My voice had grown hoarse by the end of practice and I was on the verge of just forfeiting the match on Saturday or risk being the laughingstock of the entire school. And I was already the social pariah of half the school so I didn't need another label.

Fred was MIA and even though he knew if he skipped enough practices, he'd be off the team for good, I was pretty sure he didn't even care about the team anymore. Which was fine with me, because I no longer cared about him.

I gestured my actual teammates out of the sky and took to the ground. Dismounting my broom, I tossed it on to the grass and glanced around at my defiant team with my arms folded across my body defensively. Sadie had her usual glare on her face so it was hard to tell if she was annoyed for what I did to Fred or annoyed at life in general. Jax was avoiding eye contact with me, clearly stuck between his friendship with me and the feelings of his teammates. CJ and Cass kept exchanging uncomfortable glances with one another. There was a coolness in Hugo's eyes and a permanent frown on his face. Alice was the only one who was looking at me and smiling.

And I kinda wished she wouldn't.

"Alright, fine, I get it," I addressed them all. "You all hate me or in the very least you're displeased with me. And I could go into a whole rant about how it shouldn't be me you're pissed at, it should be Fred for he was the one who screwed us all over, but frankly I don't have time to point fingers. We don't have time for any of this. If you don't figure out a way to put your feelings towards me aside, _we are going to lose Saturday's match_. And I know you're all thinking that it's just a game but you all joined this team for a reason and it wasn't to lose. So do me a favor and _pull yourselves together_. Hate me all you want. But don't hate this game."

It wasn't my best pep talk by any means, but I grabbed my broomstick off the grass and swiftly headed towards the clubhouse without another word. I hoped it would instill some sort of team pride in them but I had a feeling I shouldn't hold my breath.

I drowned myself in the showers, letting the hot water scald my body as I waited for the rest of my team to vacate the clubhouse. I was in no mood to deal with any of them at the moment and I hardly had the energy to pretend I was okay with all of them subconsciously choosing Fred the Traitor's side over me no matter how wrong it was of me to intentionally tear him down.

That, and I was still avoiding Alice.

Slipping out of the shower, I trekked back into the main locker room and did a double-take when I realized Alice was still there lying on one of the benches in her sweatpants and T-shirt.

So much for avoiding her.

"You drowning yourself in there?" she asked, sitting up with a curious smile.

I glanced at her warily before shrugging. "At least that would mean not having to see the trainwreck that will most likely be our team come Saturday's match."

"Yeah, about that," she murmured with a sigh. "I spoke to the team. I know that we're all still reeling over what happened on Saturday but I asked them not to use it against you. We became Quidditch players to play Quidditch, not to deal with teammate drama."

Tossing my jersey into my locker, I turned around skeptically. "You spoke to them?"

She nodded. "I think they understood where your anger came from so they really just need to put it behind them and-"

"Why would you do that?"

She blinked. "What?"

I scoffed. "I don't need you fighting my battles for me, Ace."

Her eyebrow popped up in clear surprise at the hostility in my voice. "Says Mr. Knight in Shining Armor himself," she drawled. "And for your information, I wasn't fighting your battles. I was trying to help."

"I don't need your help."

There was a long pause in which all she could do was stare at me with blinking eyes. "I never said you needed it," she sighed. "But tonight's practice pretty much told me that you could use it."

"Which I already addressed," I grunted.

"Yeah, and right now your teammates' respect for you is hesitant at best so perhaps you weren't the one they needed to hear the lecture from," Alice scoffed.

"And what about you?" I retaliated.

"What about me?"

"Is _your_ respect for me hesitant at best after Saturday night?"

She looked more shocked by that question than by me picking a fight with her.

Yes, I was in fact aware I was picking a fight with her. But that seemed safer than letting her in.

"Not after Saturday, no," she drawled. "I might be losing some for you now though."

Hm, I deserved that.

All I did was shrug and say, "Gee, sorry that I don't have the time to coddle you, Ace, but in case you forgot, I have a match in four bloody days that I am trying to win."

She glared at me and expectedly so. "You want to tell me why you're picking a fight with me right now, Jay?"

Dammit, she caught on to that, too, did she?

This was precisely the reason it was better for me to keep my distance from her. She knew me too well. She could read my actions and read my mind. She knew when I was being real and when I wasn't. She knew too much about me. She had already managed to break down the many walls I spent years building up around my heart and now that there were new walls, I wasn't so sure I could let her break them again or all that would be left for her to break would be my heart.

I had been betrayed by everyone else I ever cared about. I wasn't sure I'd be able to survive should she ever hurt me, too.

"I'm not," I drawled. "I'm just worried about the upcoming match, that's all."

Her eyes narrowed. "No, you're not. This is something more than that."

I shot her a look. "Oh, so you can read minds now?" I growled, grabbing my cloak and throwing it over my shoulders before heading towards the exit.

"Seriously? You're just going to walk away from me?"

I hastily walked out of the clubhouse and winced as the cold January air danced across my face. I hadn't gone far when I heard footsteps behind me, but I was hardly surprised that Alice followed me. "We weren't exactly done with that conversation, Jay."

I shot her a look over my shoulder. "I assumed by walking away you'd get the hint that I was in fact done with that-"

"Stop," she pleaded, grabbing my arm and halting us both in the middle of the grounds. The wind continued to nip at my nose. "What's going on with you? Is this about Fred?"

"It's not about anything," I growled, pulling my arm out of her grasp and walking off again.

"It clearly is!" she groaned and I tried to rush off so as not to continue the conversation, but she wouldn't let me.

"Oh, I see. Now that you've pushed everyone else out of your life, you've decided you're just going to do the same with me? _Is that it?_ " she called out after me.

Fuck, why was she always reading my mind?

I whirled around to glare at her. "No, you don't get to blame everything on me as if I'm the one who made all the mistakes. Maybe I am just some closed-off, bitter cynic but my father and my mother and Albus and Fred don't get to be turned into martyrs here!"

She stared at me with curious eyes. "Is that what you think everyone is doing?" she asked softly. "Turning you into the bad guy?"

I snorted. "Aren't they?"

It took her a while to respond. "I'm not."

She said it to make me feel better but it only made me feel worse.

"I don't need your pity," I drawled.

" _Pity_?" she growled. "Uh, no, this is called _being a friend_."

"And this is called _goodbye_ ," I grumbled before storming off again.

" _Will you quit walking away from me_?"

No.

She caught up to me again. "Please don't shut me out, Jay," she spoke firmly, no hint of pleading in her tone. "Talk to me. What's going through your head right now?"

Well, let's see. I was torn between feeling betrayed by my best mate and feeling guilty for betraying him. My team couldn't stand to look at me and it was probably going to cost us Saturday's match. I was on the receiving end of snarling glares everywhere I went. I couldn't even hide myself away in my bedroom as it was no longer any sort of safe haven with Fred living there. My cousins were ostracizing me. I was being pestered by Mum, all letters that I have forcefully ignored. Hattie was convinced I had feelings for my best friend and it was becoming increasingly harder to live in denial of that. And my life was clearly falling apart around me and all I could do was stand still on the edge of a teetering cliff and pray that all the cracks wouldn't lead to its collapsing demise and ultimately lead me to my death.

I said none of that. All I said was, "I have a lot going on, Ace, and I just really can't have anything else adding unnecessary stress to my life right now."

Her eyes narrowed in slight confusion. "So…what? You're saying I add stress to your life? Is that it?"

Yes, albeit unbeknownst to her.

"This conversation is adding stress to my life," I drawled irritably.

She continued to glare at me through her narrowed eyes, this time with a shake of the head. "I could stand here and ask you why you are so determined to insult the only person who is currently speaking with you at the moment, but something tells me that you're doing this _because_ I'm the only person who is currently speaking with you at the moment."

 _Dammit, why does she always have to read my goddamned mind?_

"Stop trying to psychoanalyze me, Ace. It's infuriating," I snapped.

She smirked. "Because you know I'm right."

I glared at her. "I'm leaving now. _Don't_ follow me."

I whirled around and stormed off.

And of course she bloody followed me.

"If you want to pretend that you're fine with the way things are and pretend that none of this bothers you, and if you want to pretend that I'm just yet another person in your life who you can toss aside and it won't matter, and if you want to pretend that the only thing your mind is focused on right now is Quidditch, feel free to do so to yourself and to the rest of the world," she spoke, her eyes intense with determination, "But you'll never be able to pretend with me, Jay."

And there she goes again making it worse.

"I'm not trying to pretend anything," I lied. "I'm just trying to get back to the castle without having to partake in this inane conversation!"

"Oh, yes, how positively inane of me to _be there for you_ ," she snapped.

"How are you not hearing me right now?" I scoffed. " _I don't need you to be there for me_."

She smirked. I hated that smirk. "You do need me. You just don't want to need me."

And once again, she hit the nail on the head.

 _I really fucking hated that_.

"And there you go psychoanalyzing me once again," I snapped at her for lack of anything better to say.

She merely shrugged. "You may be able to shut everyone else out of your life, Jay, _but I'm not going anywhere_."

"Yeah, well I am," I hissed and I sped off towards the castle as fast as I could.

And that time I didn't give her the chance to follow me.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Breakfast the next morning went a little like this:

Alice sits down beside me.

Alice: Hey.

Me: (silence)

Alice: Still shutting me out?

Me: Still trying to have inane conversations with me?

Alice: Guess that's a yes to my question.

Me: (silence)

Alice: See you in class.

Me: (silence)

Alice leaves.

Me: Well at least that was a no to my question.

And yes, I was aware of just how pathetic I was turning out to be.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

It was becoming increasingly difficult avoiding Alice when she was the only person who was willing to have conversations with me. Everyone else was too content on glaring at me to bother saying anything.

I knew I had made an irreparable mistake in the way I treated Fred. _I knew that_. But what no one was seemed to understand that I had lashed out at him because he betrayed me so much worse than anyone else ever had. Hattie had been right to say it wasn't about her. Because it wasn't. It was about Fred and how he had kept two very shocking secrets from me and betrayed the blind trust I had put in him so many years ago. Trust I wish I could take back.

I didn't expect everyone to understand. To understand why I lashed out was to understand years of deep-rooted insecurities about myself and the people I kept at an arm's length distance from me at all times. To understand why I was hurt by Fred was to understand why I was hurt by so many others before him. To understand why I had been so cruel to my own flesh and blood was to understand my many trust issues. So it didn't come as a total shock when the school blamed me for taking it too far while I was the only one who blamed Fred. But that didn't mean it wasn't frustrating.

To say I hated Fred would be a lie. I didn't hate him. I wanted to. It would be so easy to. But I didn't. I just resented him for ever making me think he had my back. He didn't have my back. He had his own and he only ever watched mine when it was convenient to him. I wasn't looking for a friend who didn't even know the basic definition of trust.

Then again, the only friend I had left was the one person I felt scared of trusting so really, where did that leave me?

Alone.

I had thought being alone was what I wanted—no, what I needed but it was hard being alone when my every thought during this solitude consisted of Alice. I wanted to see her smile again, to hear her laugh just so I could feel as if my world wasn't completely destitute. And every time I wished for her presence, I felt even more lost and confused because wanting and needing someone as much as I wanted and needed her made me ask the very simple question of _why_. Did I need her because she was my best friend? Or because it was something more?

I wanted to hate Hattie for putting ideas in my head but I knew hating her wouldn't suddenly make the answers to my very confusing questions suddenly appear.

So there was only one thing I could really do.

Hide.

Not just from the rest of the school or Fred or Alice but from myself too.

The only place I could think of to hide was the library. I knew no one would be able to find me there seeing as I tend to avoid that particular location of the castle so it was the perfect hiding spot from the judging looks of the student body and from Alice's hopeful glances and Fred who seemed content on shoving his happy, smiley self right in my face.

He gets the girl, the support of our family members, and the entire Quidditch student body backing him and what do I get?

A table to myself in the back of the library.

I was fairly certain I had hit rockbottom.

"I would like to go on record saying you're a fucking idiot, James Potter."

Apparently hiding out in the library doesn't actually work.

"Why, good evening, Lils, how are you on this lovely Tuesday?"

"Alice tells me you're being a fucking idiot."

"So really she's the one going on record saying I'm a fucking idiot, not you."

"Oh, no, I believe it, too."

I shrugged. "Great talk. You can go now."

She glared at me from across the round table. "I realize that pretty much everyone in your life has found a way to let you down and that really, _really_ sucks, and I know you never would have said what you did to Fred if you didn't feel as if he hurt you most of all and I can see that you feel lost and broken and you're barely holding on by a very thin thread that is already starting to fray, and it is so clear to me that your answer to everything is to just shut out the rest of the world around you which explains what the hell you're doing in a library and I know you feel as if you deserve to be hated and treated like shit for the pain you caused Fred and while I am certainly not pleased by what you said, I'm still here so that has to count for something and-"

"Lily."

She stopped ranting long enough to look at me. "What?"

"You know how just a minute ago I said 'you can go now?'" I drawled, sitting back in my chair defiantly. "Well, in case I wasn't clear, let me just spell this out for you in terms you might understand: _leave me the fuck alone_."

Lily looked stunned and rightfully so. It wasn't often I spoke to her that way, if at all. "Damn," she murmured. "Alice was right about you. You are a mess."

Of course I was a mess. Everything that could be going wrong in my life was.

I had made the decision to let Fred in at some point, albeit unknowingly, and he broke me more than anyone else ever did. And I tried to break him right back but it didn't work. He still wandered the halls with his head held high and he laughed as if he felt no pain and he walked around hand-in-hand with Ryleigh with a goofy love-crazed smile on his face and no one seemed to hold him responsible anymore for breaking the Code and he had the upperhand in the bedroom and in class and in the Great Hall because he got to be happy and I didn't.

He wasn't broken because there wasn't anything to break.

Me? Broken is all I've ever known.

I sounded like a right fool saying that but it was true. So who was I to try and deny the obvious?

"I'm fine," I lied.

Lily swiftly shook her head. "No, you're not," she murmured. "And do you really think that pushing away your only friend is going to suddenly make you fine?"

No, pushing Alice away wasn't going to make things okay. But it might make them bearable.

If only I knew how to actually be alone. I had never tried it, never really had to because Alice was always there. But it was best for me, and perhaps for my heart, if this time, she wasn't.

"I don't need Alice," I said.

I was getting really good at this whole lying thing.

Lily let out a quiet laugh. "Oh, James," she chuckled dismissively, "She's about the only thing in this world that you do need. You're just too afraid to admit it."

No, I had already admitted it. Now, I was just trying to ignore it.

I just shrugged and seeing as I was done with this conversation, I said to my sister, "Thanks for the life lesson, Lils. You are free to go."

"James-"

" _Go_."

Glaring at me, she said, "So I guess that whole 'don't shut out the people who are still in your corner' advice I just gave you went in one ear and out the other?"

"Are you in my corner?" I drawled. "Or are you just in Alice's?"

She smirked and said, "At this point, I'm fairly certain they're one and the same."

No, they're not. They couldn't be. I needed to know I had more in my life than just Alice. I needed to know that I could live without her. That I could somehow survive without her. I needed to know that being apart from her was physically and emotionally possible. I needed to know that I could still be a version of myself without her so that if, and when, that time came, I wouldn't be completely destroyed. I needed to know that I would be okay.

Or maybe, just maybe, the only thing I needed was her.

Because as I sat there in the back of the library alone, all I really wanted was for Alice to be sitting across from me with her usual smile that always seemed to make things better even when I thought it wasn't possible.

One day without her and I already missed her.

 _Why was it so hard for me to be without her_?

Glancing up, I met the smirk on my sister's face and said, "Why are you still sitting there?"

She could have snapped at me or scolded me or glared at me but clearly even she knew I was a lost cause so she just sighed, picked herself off the chair and walked away.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Twenty minutes later, Alice took over Lily's recently abandoned chair and our conversation went a little like this:

Alice: I've got a bottle of firewhisky back in my room. You want in?

Me: No.

Alice: Liar.

Me: (long pause) You're not going to make me dance it out, are you?

Alice: No.

Me: (another long pause) Fine, I'm in.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Trying to push Alice away never worked. Never. I hadn't tried often, nor did I ever really try all that hard, but it didn't matter because every single time, she found a way to push herself back in. Always. The obvious truth was, I didn't know how to avoid Alice. Being around her was complicated and hard right now but not being around her was even harder. She was the only person who could make me forget about the bit of betrayal weighing down my heart. She could somehow put a smile on my face when I thought it was impossible. She could make it easier to pretend that I was okay. So I could have avoided her. I probably should have. But I didn't. Because not only would she not let me, I just didn't know how.

I pretended not to wonder what that was supposed to mean as I stretched out across her bed and took another very long swig of the firewhisky. I was well on my way to getting drunk and I was craving every minute of it. This was the release I needed. The one bit of control I had left. With every sip of firewhisky I drank, the pain somehow dissipated until all I felt was a numbing contentment that gave me the ability to forget about my woes and just live in the somewhat satisfactory moment.

"What's my favorite color?"

I shot Alice a look. "At least give me a hard one," I drawled. "Purple."

She grinned at me. "Just looking to see if your memory is intact," she teased. "You are guzzling down that firewhisky rather quickly."

I shrugged and took another sip just to spite her. "My favorite animal."

She turned to me with a curious look on her face before saying, "Franny."

The answer was actually a three-headed dog but her response was perfectly acceptable. "I'll take it," I laughed.

"My favorite class."

I had to think about that one. "Well, if we offered an art class, it would probably be that, but I'd have to say Potions."

She smiled at me. "Why Potions?"

I shrugged, taking another swig before passing her the near-empty firewhisky. "Because there's a right and a wrong answer and nothing about it is subjective."

She took a small sip of the firewhisky, her eyes still focused on me. "Good answer."

I grinned triumphantly. "My favorite Potter?"

She glanced at me with a smirk. "That's easy. Teddy."

I shot her a look. "Not a Potter."

"He might as well be."

I shrugged.

"Lily," she corrected, nudging me with her elbow. "She's your favorite Potter."

She was right, but I said, "Nope, Franny."

She smacked me in the side with the firewhisky bottle and I laughed, swiping it from her and taking another swig. "Your turn."

There was a long silence before she flipped on to her side and faced me with a hesitant frown on her face. "Who's my favorite person in the entire world?"

Clearly I hadn't had enough firewhisky because I felt the ache settle back into my heart as thoughts of Alice clouded my mind. I felt awkward and tense around her and I noticed so many little things I had never noticed before like the way the right side of her mouth twitched when she smiled and the smell of lavender in her hair and the chipped nail polish on her right thumb and the tiniest of freckles on her collarbone and all of it was confusing me but instead of questioning it, I just quieted my thoughts with more firewhisky.

"The answer to that better not be Fred," I spoke softly, turning my gaze towards the ceiling.

I could feel her eyes on me but I refused to turn towards her. I'd most likely see pity or agony or guilt and I wanted no part of any of it. I had enough of my own jumble of emotions without adding hers to the mix.

"No," she said and then her head was on my shoulder. "The answer isn't Fred."

I suddenly felt light-headed and I knew it wasn't because of the alcohol.

"I shouldn't be," I murmured.

There was a short pause. "What?"

"Your favorite person," I croaked. "I shouldn't be."

She lifted her head off my shoulder so she could look at me. "And why do you say that?"

Oh, I could think of a hundred reasons.

I wasn't a good person. I practically forced her to shut everyone else out when I decided to do the same. She couldn't be the answer to all my problems. In the heat of the moment, I apparently knew how to annihilate my friends. She shouldn't take the side of someone who could so easily tear down others. She deserved to live her life without me holding her back. She deserved better than me.

"You know why," I spoke vaguely.

She sat up beside me. "You've never been one to throw yourself a pity party before so don't start now, Jay."

She was right of course (because she was always right) but I was nearing rockbottom so I felt as if feeling sorry for myself was slightly justified.

I reached for the firewhisky bottle but she took it away from me. "You can't drown your sorrows in the bottom of a firewhisky bottle."

"I can try."

She offered me a lopsided smile, one filled with an enormous amount of compassion. "Talk to me, Jay," she spoke softly.

I shook my head in denial. "There's nothing to talk about."

"There _is_ ," she pleaded. "I can't stand watching you like this so please just talk-"

"I know. Why do you think I've been avoiding you?" I blurted out.

I could feel her surprise even though I refused to look at her. "You haven't been avoiding me for my sake," she spoke softly. "You've been avoiding me for your sake. Because you're hurt and upset and you feel betrayed and the last thing you want is to allow your heart to trust me when it didn't work out in your favor the last time you did that."

Right again.

Damn her.

"I'm fine."

She shoved me hard on the shoulder before climbing off the bed angrily. "Dammit, Jay, _you aren't fine_ ," she snapped, folding her arms across her body and leaning up against her desk with a determined look in her eyes. "And you can't possibly think that by pushing me away, I won't have to see it. Because I don't have to see it firsthand, Jay, _I can feel it_."

"What do you want me to say, Ace?" I choked out, sensing more than just frustration in her tone. There was a desperation there that nearly killed me knowing that she was only hurting because I was. That wasn't fair to her. My problems shouldn't be hers. I was hurting enough for the both of us. "That I trusted the wrong person for seventeen years? That it sucks that the Quidditch teams all think I'm some treacherous backstabber when _he backstabbed me first_? That my best mate screwed me over so I screwed him over and yet he doesn't even bloody care? That he's walking the halls with a smile on his face as if losing me as a friend doesn't mean shit to him? That my cousins and my brother all think I'm scum and even though I know they're right and I don't deserve their sympathy, it kills me to know that I've done yet another thing to disappoint them all? That I can't figure out whether to shut you out or hold on to you for dear life and it's driving me mad? That of course I've been pushing you away because that is far better than giving you the chance to break my heart, too? Do you want me to saythat you're right, that you're _always right_ , because you know everything I'm feeling without me having to say it and I love that but I hate that all at the same time because that just means I can't lie to you or pretend to be anything I'm not and right now I feel broken but I am trying so hard not to feel that way because it hurts too much feeling that way? _Is that what you want me to say, Ace_?"

She was staring at me, stunned. She had begged me to talk to her but I'm not sure that my outburst was what she had in mind.

Her eyes were wide and her cheeks were flushed. Her blue eyes sought me out, an unexplained fear circling her pupils. I saw it plain as day and I suddenly wanted to take back everything I said.

She said nothing, which scared me and annoyed me at the same time. She was the one who asked me to talk to her and now that I had, she had nothing to say herself? And the worst part was, I couldn't even read her. I couldn't figure out if she was grateful or upset or just shocked that I had exploded on her. She always managed to read me and it unnerved me to know I clearly couldn't do the same to her. I felt that last bit of control inside of me slip away and it filled my heart with unexpected dread.

Yeah, I definitely should have kept my mouth shut.

"Oh, Jay. That is a lot for one person to be dealing with," she eventually said, her words soft as the faintest whisper.

I shook my head a tad too forcefully and I could almost feel the tears threatening to break. I blinked them back furiously, too afraid that if I started, I'd never stop. "Yeah, believe me, I'm aware of that," I practically pleaded and then surprised both of us as I climbed off the bed in slight shame.

"Where are you going?" she asked hastily.

I slunk off towards the door as another thick silence coated the room, the ache in my heart almost too much to bear. "This is for me to deal with, Ace," I whispered, staring at the grain slivers in the door. "You're the best friend a guy could ever ask for. But that doesn't mean I ever wanted you to be burdened by my problems. Not when I was an eleven-year-old kid and not now. _They're mine to deal with._ Don't you get that? I'll find a way to deal with them and in the meantime, I don't want to drag you down with me."

I wrenched open the door but her next words stopped me.

"You have never dragged me down, Jay. I went willingly. And I promise you that I wouldn't change a damned thing."

I halted in the doorway but didn't turn around, wondering if walking away now was my best, if not my only, option.

I should have walked away. Instead, I turned around and said, "You should want to change it all, Ace."

She shook her head at me. "I don't want another best friend, Jay," she pleaded. "I just want you."

I could only stare at her with the ironic realization that what was eating away at my own heart was eating away at hers, too. And I suddenly saw her in a different light. She wasn't just my best friend who I had grown to depend on. She was my best friend who had come to depend on me, too. She had once told me she felt as if she needed me more than I needed her and I nearly laughed it off at the time because I thought it was crazy how she couldn't see that she was one of the only people at the time I could trust and rely on. But now I realized that I hadn't been the only one of us who felt alone in the world. She did, too. But with each other, we didn't. With each other, we felt whole. With each other, we didn't feel pain or heartbreak or isolation. We felt real.

But she deserved better.

I was a mess of a person in both spirit and mind. I was guarded and angry all the time and I wasn't trusting of anybody and so much hatred filled my veins and I suppressed every feeling I ever had and I ignored my heart and I was a rebellious child most of the time. She shouldn't that. She shouldn't want me. She should want the best things in life that she could get. And that certainly wasn't me.

I felt the ache in my heart begin to trail through my veins, a numbness overtaking my every limb as I stared at the only girl that had ever meant anything to me. "This is what you want?" I found myself choking out. "A screwed up, damaged, baggage-filled, immature lost soul? An angry, confused, heartless boy? Just some broken, neglected, insecure prat who blames everybody else for his problems? A guy who is so afraid of living if living means feeling this way all the goddamned time? _Is this really what you want, Ace_?"

I saw a flicker of unshed tears pooling in her eyelids and I hated seeing that, knowing that somehow my pain became hers.

"As your best friend, I'm here to help you not feel that way all the goddamned time," she practically pleaded, her arms folding across her body in a vulnerable and defensive way. "You just have to let me."

I could only shake my head. Over and over. I didn't know what I was shaking my head for, whether I was actually saying no to her or whether I was just in denial, but whatever it was, it only made my heart feel even heavier than it already was.

I had meant what I said before to her. Pushing her away seemed easier than allowing myself to be vulnerable around her, to leave my heart open for her to easily break. Because if anyone could break it, it could be her. She was the one who owned my heart, not me.

That very thought made me freeze in unexpected confusion and horror.

 _She owned my heart_.

She somehow knew me better than I knew myself. She said the things I was too afraid to say. She felt the things that I felt because she cared. She knew when I was shutting down and she knew that sometimes she couldn't save me.

Except she could. She was the only thing that could save me. In a world of betrayal and heartbreak, she was my beacon of light. She was the girl who showed up for me even when I didn't deserve it. She knew what to say and what to do to make me feel as if my whole world wasn't crashing down around me. I didn't just need her in my life.

She _was_ my life.

She was so much more than a friend and I had been too blind to realize it until now. I had been too immature to realize that what I really wanted I already had. I had been too screwed up to see what was right in front of me all this time. Or maybe I had just been too scared to admit what my heart had been feeling all along.

That I, James Potter, had feelings for my best friend, Alice Longbottom.

"Oh, my God," I said aloud at the blatant truth staring me in the eyes.

She looked confused. "What?"

I just shook my head as a thousand thoughts suddenly ran through my mind. But there was one in particular I couldn't ignore.

 _I liked my best friend_.

It made no sense and yet it made all the sense in the world. She wasn't just a friend, she was my everything. She always had been. She was my secret keeper and my safe haven and my crying shoulder and my psychiatrist and my confidante and my cohort and my happiness manager all rolled into one incredible girl.

One incredible girl I hardly deserved.

Suddenly, it all became clear. There was a reason I was so scared of letting her in, of giving her a piece of my heart. There was a reason I was pushing her away. A reason I felt so safe and yet so lost around her. A reason I was convinced she deserved so much better than me and yet a reason that I was too afraid to let her go. It hurt being around her but it hurt more not being around her.

As I looked at her, the bewilderment staring back at me, I suddenly saw her in a different light. I saw her as the girl who had always been standing at the bottom of the cliff ready to catch me. She was the girl at the end of a long and winding maze that had become my life, a maze of so many twists and turns and turmoil. She was the girl whose smile could turn a bad day into a good one. The girl who sat by my side no matter what mistakes I made. The girl who cared for me when I wasn't deserving of it. She was the girl who I turned to for good times and bad, the girl who knew all my secrets and whose secrets I knew in return. _She was the girl_.

But what did that mean for us?

My head was spinning, my heart tightening against my chest as every feeling I ever avoided rushed through my every vein. I suddenly felt lightheaded and had an unexcepted desperation to get myself out of there as quickly as possible before I said or did something I'd alter regret.

(If only I had actually left then.)

"I should go," I blurted out as I rushed off towards the door again.

" _What_?" Alice said, even more confused. "So I suppose that's a 'no' on the whole letting me in thing then, huh?"

I cringed and turned around to face the disbelief in her expression. "I've let you in too much already," I said before I could even stop myself.

Those words seemed to both shock and annoy her. "You're not made of stone, Jay," she sighed. "You're allowed to have a heart."

Oh I was suddenly very aware, maybe too aware, that my heart existed. I couldn't ignore it anymore, not with Alice standing in front of me making me feel all the things I never thought I'd feel.

But maybe it wasn't that I never thought I'd feel them. Maybe they were just already there for her.

"I know I'm allowed one," I spoke desperately. "I'm just not so sure I want it."

A hesitant kind of bewilderment flashed across her eyes. "Because of Fred?" she asked, confused.

No, not because of Fred.

I realized too late that I said that out loud.

She blinked a few times at that confession, slowly making her way towards me, before saying, "If not Fred, then what?"

 _Because of you, Alice._

I couldn't even begin to say that, couldn't even begin to explain the mixed emotions swirling around in both my heart and head. I was still trying to make sense of them so how could I even attempt to make her make sense of them? Admitting the scary and yet obvious truth to myself was hard enough.

The very idea of admitting it to her was both laughable and frightening all rolled into one horrifying emotion.

Because she'd either laugh in my face or find a way to reject me and even though it was expected, I wasn't so sure my heart was able to handle anymore rejection at the moment.

I tried wrapping my head around everything currently floating around in my heart but her looking at me with those pleading eyes just inches away from my face was making it nearly impossible to have any sort of logical thought.

Or maybe it was the firewhisky.

I didn't know what to say to tell her just how much she meant to me, how much I needed her. There was an explanation, a string of meaningful words on the tip of my tongue, albeit ones of confusion and disbelief most likely. But as I stared down at her, only just noticing how close we were standing to one another, the words escaped me. Nothing seemed good enough. Or maybe it all felt too good and I was too scared to face the truth. My head was spinning, my heart racing, and there was an odd sensation of nervous numbness traveling through my veins. The world suddenly felt so ominous around me, my eyes unable to tear away from hers as the room began to spin in anticipation.

And since there were no words to describe how I felt about her or this moment or what I wanted, I said nothing.

I just closed the gap between us and kissed her.

It should have felt weird. This was the girl I had known since we were in diapers. The girl who covered herself in mud in our front lawn after a particularly grim storm. The girl whose pigtails I made fun of. I have seen her without makeup and I have seen her swollen eyes after she cried. And during all of these moments, she was still one of the most beautiful girls I knew.

I didn't know what I expected, but I was slightly shocked and yet overjoyed when she kissed me back. What started out as gentle and soft turned into desperate and passionate as my hands inched upwards to frame her face. Our lips tangled together so effortlessly as we had been doing this for years and my already racing heart felt as if it was jumping out of my chest.

Hesitantly I slipped my tongue into her mouth and a faint moan escaped her lips. The most wonderful moan I had ever heard. Her hands snaked into the back of my hair as we clung helplessly to one another. My hands moved from her face to around her neck as I drew her even closer to me, desperate to hold her.

It escalated from a simple kiss to something more. I wanted more, needed more, my grip falling from her shoulders down to her waist. I could feel her trembling under my touch and I wondered if it was because we were treading dangerous and unknown water or if it was because she was feeling as desperately for me as I was for her.

Whatever it was, it was over almost as quickly as it began for one minute we were kissing and the next minute, she was frantically tearing herself away from me.

My heart froze. "Alice?" I asked softly. "What's wrong?"

She said nothing, shaking her head furiously as her expression turned horrified. She avoided looking at me, her face white and her bottom lip trembling.

"Ace?" I spoke again, taking a step towards her.

"No, don't," she pleaded desperately, backpedaling away from me.

My heart sank straight into my stomach at the shattered look on her face, one filled with helplessness and guilt. Maybe kissing her wasn't exactly the greatest course of action but I hadn't known what to say. Hell, I barely even know what I feeling. I acted on impulse and she didn't seem to completely hate it either. But now, I just stood in front of her, desperate for her to tell me what was wrong, what I did to cause her such panic, for just as words escaped me before, they did so now, too, an overwhelming fear for what she might have to say filling my already confused heart.

"Why…" she croaked out, slowly shaking her head in disbelief, "Why did you do that?"

I blinked in hesitation, not even sure where to begin. "I would have thought that was obvious," I stalled.

Her eyes narrowed cautiously. "Then explain it to me because I don't get it," she nearly begged.

I stared helplessly at her, my head and my heart screaming with so much uncertainty. She was right to think she didn't understand (because of course she was always right) as I hardly understood it myself. Yesterday, she had been my best friend. Today, she was the girl my heart yearned for, the darkness that was once there suddenly replaced with an unexpected hope. But it was new to me and therefore, confusing to me so I had to imagine it was just as confusing to her, too.

I could have come out and told her that she was the girl for me. The only girl. But I was too scared to find out what she might say, too scared to find out I was the only one feeling this way, too scared to lose her as my friend and everything else she was to me. So I started out slowly, just trying to wrap my own head around my sudden feelings

"Everything is falling apart around me, Ace," I murmured. "But when I'm with you, it's like none of that matters. You're the only one who's ever been there for me through it all. Even when I don't deserve it. It's like I don't need anything or anyone else as long as I have you."

My gaze met hers and I saw the same confusion and helplessness in her eyes that I knew was shining in mine. And then suddenly and very unexpectedly, it wasn't confusion or helplessness that was staring back at me. It was irritation. "You are unbelievable," she growled. "So just because everyone else has turned their back on you and because you're feeling a little lost and because you always manage to make the _worst decisions ever_ and because you're half-drunk right now and because you're so afraid of losing the last person in your corner and because you are so good at playing with a girl's head just to ignore the thoughts in your own, you decided that _kissing_ me is the answer?"

All I could do was gape at her, my heart freezing in shock and anguish. Whatever response I had been expecting, it wasn't that. Confusion I understood. Anger, I didn't.

I felt an ache settle into my heart as I replayed her words in my head. My mind was going at top speed, trying to figure out where it all went so wrong, trying to figure out how to fix it, but the thoughts were just a jumble of bewildering emotions that I couldn't seem to straighten out.

"Wait…" I managed to whisper. "You really think kissing you was just some sort of game to me?"

There was a devastating shame hiding in her eyes as she spoke next. "I just think this is what you do."

Those words made even less sense in my head than the situation warranted. " _What_?"

Her eyes held mine with the same fury her words seemed to have. "When things are going wrong in your life, instead of facing them, you go in search for one of your slutty conquests who you can exploit as a way of trying to fulfill your own damaged soul."

My mouth dropped open.

 _Slutty conquests? Damaged soul?_

 _Is that all she thought of me as_?

"Does that make you another one of my slutty conquests in this scenario?" I questioned, more trying to dissect her words than offend her.

Clearly, she assumed I was doing the latter.

" _You're_ the one who turned me into another one of your slutty conquests, James, _not me_ ," she hissed. "I am supposed to be your best friend! And in just a few seconds, you manipulated me just like you've carefully manipulated every other goddamned girl in this school. Do you know how insulting that is?"

I was stunned beyond the realm of normalcy, a quivering sensation of resentment passing through my every vein. I wasn't sure whether to be angry or ashamed or upset or a combination of all three. Whatever I was supposed to feel, the one thing I knew I felt was insulted.

"You didn't seem to think it was all that insulting when you were kissing me back."

Okay, yes, in hindsight, those were the exact wrong words to say at the time.

Which explains why Alice pointed at the door and said, "Get the hell out and don't bother coming back."

I shook my head in bewildered panic, ignoring her request completely. Backtracking, I said in all of my desperate glory, "Ace, you have to know that I would never use you like that."

"Then why do I feel so used right now?" she pleaded at me, the hurt was evident in her broken expression.

My heart sank.

She couldn't even look me in the eye. "You avoid me all day, James, and you refuse to talk to me or open up to me, which I can sorta understand under the circumstances, but you don't get to try to apologize or make yourself feel better by _kissing_ me," she hissed. "I'm supposed to be your best friend, not just another _Hattie_ who you'll inevitably wind up disposing of because that's all you've ever known."

Oh, good, more insults.

For the record, coming here tonight was a bad idea.

And not leaving when I had the chance was a _really_ bad idea.

All I could do was look at her, waiting for some sort of understanding to dawn on me. Even if kissing her was a mistake, her reasoning for thinking so was wildly inaccurate and quite convoluted, making it impossible for me to figure out exactly what she was thinking. Her anger was quite distinct but there was an underlying stubbornness in her pained eyes that told me something more was going on that I was not aware of, and it was breaking my last bit of heart left to know that I really did not understand her at all.

The only thing I understood was that whatever feelings I had for my best friend were clearly not reciprocated.

And now I just had to find a way to fix things before I lost my friend forever.

"Ace," I whispered. "How can you not understand that I could never put you in the same category as all the other girls I've been with?"

My heart broke as a trace of tears glistened in the side of her eyes. "The thing is, James," she spoke, her voice trembling, "You just did."

I was losing her. And I went straight up into panic mode. "Okay, fine, so it was a mistake!" I whispered desperately. "Can we just…forget about it?"

She gaped at me, a single tear escaping her blurred eyes. "God, you would just love that, wouldn't you?" she growled, her emotions a jumble of regret and anger. "No, James, I can't just forget about it. You don't get to kiss me for reasons that are still unclear to me and then just take it back minutes later because things didn't go your way. That's not the way this works. That's not the way _we_ work."

"So then tell me what to do to fix this," I pleaded.

She looked up at me, blinking away the lingering tears, and said, "You can't."

My heart stopped and I thought of a million things I could have said, starting with the real reason I kissed her in the first place, but nothing came out.

And she took my silence to mean I agreed with her.

Which, for the record, I didn't.

Tears rushing to her eyes once again, she hastily rushed past me towards the bathroom. "When I come back out, you won't be there," she pleaded.

" _Ace, please_ -"

But it was too late. She closed the door behind her and left me standing in an empty room, feeling more heartbroken than I could ever remember.

I just lost the last person in my life I cared about and I wasn't even completely sure why.

Turns out, being betrayed by Fred and betraying him back wasn't my rockbottom.

This was.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

 **A/N:** And the moment we were all waiting for has happened!

Of course the moment after that moment was probably not what you were expecting.

Up next: well, I can't give away all of my secrets, now can I?


	21. When It All Falls Apart

**A/N:** Wow! Tons of reviews for Chapter 20 and once again, they were all mixed! I love how everyone interprets each of the characters in their own way, some similar to the way I read them and some completely different. Just goes to show that every person has their own way of thinking that is completely different from the next person's.

And now here is my shoutout to **soundon** for their review being the reason I uploaded today. I had the song "Where is the Love?" stuck in my head all morning thanks to that review (and if you don't know the song, listen to it and then read **soundon** 's review) and I thought that if a review can stick with me for that long, then it deserved a new chapter.

* * *

 **A WAY WITH WORDS**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 21: When It All Falls Apart

" _Everything is screwed up straight from the heart_ _  
_ _Tell me what do you do, when it all falls apart_ _  
_ _Gotta pick myself up where do I start_ _  
_ _'Cause I can't turn to you when it all falls apart."  
_ -The Veronicas

* * *

I had spent another five minutes banging my fist against Alice's bathroom door trying to get her to talk to me but she kept the door firmly shut and said nothing. By the end of it, my hand was throbbing just as much as my heart was.

I felt numb as I wandered the hallways, a cloud of despair raining down on me as I somehow made the trek back to Gryffindor Tower. If I could figure out or try to understand what I had done so wrong then maybe I wouldn't have to feel so broken, but none of it made sense to me which just meant I didn't know how to fix it.

That is, if Alice even wanted it to be fixed.

That thought alone sent another jarring shockwave through my heart because if I didn't have her, then I truly had nothing.

I had thought that that was what I wanted but in a very twisted turn of events, it was clear to me now that all I really wanted was her.

Halfway back to the Gryffindor Tower, I felt the prickle of unexpected tears stinging the sides of my eyes that made me halt abruptly in the hallway. I didn't cry often. Hardly ever. The last time I let myself cry was at Christmas and she was there to make it all better. But she wouldn't be making this better. Not this time.

I blinked the tears away, too afraid to find out what would happen if I broke.

If I haven't already.

Thoughts of her swarmed my mind. Thoughts of our friendship, of all those years we spent together. I always assumed I had never wanted to get close to a girl because I preferred to protect my heart but that wasn't it at all. No, it was because my heart already belonged to someone else. I don't know if I gave it to Alice or if she took it from me but she had every bit of it. She always had. Alice hadn't just been a friend and a confidante, she had been my everything. She made me feel things I never thought I could feel. She made my heart race in an unexpected way. She put a smile on my face just by being there. I didn't just care about her, _I needed her_. I needed her more than I've ever needed anything.

So then why couldn't I have just told her that?

How hard was it to say, " _I need you more than I need oxygen, Alice Longbottom_?"

I felt a sigh exhale from my lips for I knew it wasn't hard to say that. It was just scary. So scary that I handled the situation all wrong.

But then again, perhaps so did she.

I wanted to be angry, or at least be hurt by the accusations she made of me. But I was too confused by them to focus on anything else. I thought Alice knew me better than anyone, knew that so many of my bad choices, in particular with women, came from a place of insecurity and low self-esteem. But I didn't feel that way with Alice. I never had. And I thought she knew that. I thought she knew that she was different than all the rest. Apparently not.

But was that my fault for kissing her? Or was it her fault for subconsciously believing the worst in me?

Muttering the password to the Fat Lady, I hastily rushed through the common room and climbed the stairs to my bedroom. I pushed open the door, praying that no one would be there. But not only was God not on my side, he was laughing at me. For the only person in the room was Fred.

He only looked up for a moment before glancing back down at his Quidditch magazine, all without bothering to acknowledge me.

That was expected but after the night I had, it filled my already heavy heart with more anguish.

I reached into Franny's cage and pulled her out, placing her on the bed and dropping down beside her. I felt an odd sort of comfort as she nestled up beside me, even as she began to nibble at my shirt. I turned on my side, facing the wall and wondering if I could just sleep off the rest of my life. Seemed like a decent option to me, though knowing my luck, my dreams would wind up consisting of Alice.

Another ache pressed down on my heart and I didn't know what possessed me to do it, but I found myself blurting out, "I kissed Alice."

There was a long silence and I was just beginning to think that Fred was going to ignore me despite my shocking news, when he finally said, "You did _what_?"

I turned on to my back and gazed up at the ceiling. "I kissed my best friend," I whispered.

I only saw him out of my peripheral vision but that was enough to see his jaw hanging open and his eyes wide with shock. " _When_?"

"Just now," I muttered.

A longer silence. "And yet you're here and she's not."

More aching in my heart. "She threw me out," I croaked out.

He smirked. "Why, were you bad at it?"

I finally turned to look at him, a glare on my face. "I don't know why she threw me out, she just did."

His smirk turned into a frown. "How do you not know why she threw you out?"

The question of the hour.

I kept replaying our conversation over and over again in my head, trying to figure out what else I could have said to rectify the situation. But with every scenario I came up with, I was still just standing on the opposite side of the bathroom door, slamming my fist against it and begging her to talk to me. Every single time, she refused. And every single time, I still didn't know why.

Maybe planting a surprise kiss on her wasn't the best way to show her how much I cared but the very idea that she could even think I was just using her as some sort of distraction confused me more than I even realized. Because how could she ever think that I'd exploit her like that? How could she possibly think that me kissing her was anything like me kissing any other girl? And every time I had tried to argue with her, she found some other way to attack my character. And even though I sprung a very unexpected kiss on her, I wasn't entirely sure why she took that to mean I deserved to be insulted.

"It doesn't matter," I eventually mumbled even though it did. I turned back on my side to face the wall again, feeling another onset of potential tears stinging my eyes. "Go find her, Fred. Talk to her. She could probably use it."

I heard him scoff behind me. "I am not talking to her on your behalf," he snapped.

"No," I nearly pleaded, my voice breaking, "I don't need you to talk to her for me. I need you to talk to her for _her_. I need her to be okay and she wasn't okay when I left and since I can't be the one to make her okay, I need you to do it."

There was an obvious strain in my voice and since Fred and I have known each other since we were in diapers, I knew he could hear the heartbreak in my voice. And if we weren't currently on bad terms with each other, he probably would have asked if I was okay. But we were on bad terms so he didn't.

He just sighed and said, "Sometimes I think you may care more about her than yourself."

I heard him shuffle off towards the door and I wasn't going to say anything. I was going to let that be it. I was going to let him leave and comfort Alice who I hoped wasn't crying alone on her bathroom floor because that image alone nearly broke my already broken heart. And yet I found myself saying to him, "That's because I do."

I expected him to leave then so I was slightly dismayed when I didn't hear the door open. I was even more dismayed when he asked, "Why did you kiss her, James?"

Why?

Because evidently, I had feelings for my best friend.

I didn't say that. I couldn't say that. Because I didn't know what it meant. I didn't know where it came from and how it happened. I didn't know why my heart felt such things for her when for so long, it felt nothing.

So I just said, "I don't know."

He growled at me, expectedly so. "You almost kissed her on New Year's Eve—yeah, don't think I forgot about that—and then you go and kiss her tonight. That means something, James. That has to mean something."

Yeah, it meant I had feelings for my best friend.

I didn't say that. I couldn't say that. Because it didn't matter what I was feeling. She clearly didn't feel the same way so all I could really do was ignore the feelings swelling up inside of my heart.

It's not like ignoring my feelings wasn't something I already excelled in.

" _James_ ," he snapped when I said nothing.

"I don't want to talk about it," I pleaded, the aching in my heart growing more than I thought imaginable. "I only told you so that you'd go to her. So please just…go to her."

And if maybe, _just maybe_ , the two of us weren't on bad terms, he would have continued to ask me questions about Alice. He would have grilled me until I broke. He would have stayed to make sure I was okay. But because we were on bad terms, he just sighed and left.

And once again, I was all alone.

Well, almost.

"Looks like it's just me and you, Franny," I spoke.

Never had more depressing words been spoken.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I didn't sleep at all which probably explained how I heard Fred sneaking back into the room at some point in the middle of the night. I wanted to know what Alice had said, what Fred had said to her, but at the same time, I didn't. So I just hugged the covers close to my chest and tried to think of anything else.

Which might have worked had Fred not pulled my hangings open and said angrily, "You told her it was a _mistake_?"

I groaned and pulled the covers over my head.

Fred ripped them off. "What the fuck is wrong with you, Potter?"

I glared up at him. "Y'know, I was getting rather used to the whole silent treatment thing we had going."

"It wasn't a mistake," he spoke, ignoring me. "You're not the type to go and kiss your best friend in some heat of the moment. So tell me, why-"

"No, apparently I'm just the type to go and kiss all kinds of slutty conquests as a way of distracting myself from whatever I'm actually feeling," I drawled.

Fred sighed. "Well, you got the second part right."

I frowned. "It's not like she was completely wrong about the first part either."

"She isn't just some slutty conquest to you, James," Fred sighed. "You could have found a million other girls in the school to fulfill that role but you didn't. So why her?"

I couldn't tell him. I didn't even want to. Maybe Fred was my best mate at one point and maybe we would have talked this out, maybe he would have given me some much-needed advice, but he wasn't my best mate now. He was just a liar who betrayed my trust and that wasn't a guy I wanted to have any conversation with.

"Fine," he growled when I said nothing, "Don't tell me. But have the decency to tell her."

"Sure, right after she tells me why she blew that one kiss completely out of proportion."

Hesitance lingered in Fred's eyes and I wondered if he knew the truth. "Did she tell you why?" I pleaded.

"Do you blame her for being confused?" he deflected.

"No, I don't blame her for being confused," I murmured. "I'm confused, too. But I do blame her for thinking the absolute worst of me when she's supposed to be the only person in the world who has my back."

I was surprised to see Fred nod, as if he might agree with me, but before he could get in another word, because the truth was he was one of those people who didn't have my back, I hastily said, "Speaking of people who apparently don't have my back, why the hell are you even talking to me about any of this?"

His eyes darkened. "Because even though you're an arsehole, I still care about AliCat. _One_ of us has to."

Those words made my blood boil more than anything he had ever done or said to me. "You don't get to tell me that I don't care about her," I hissed. "She's the _only_ thing I care about anymore. The only person that matters. She's the only person in the world who has always been there for me. Who has never let me down. Don't you _dare_ tell me that I don't care, Fred. I care. Perhaps I care too much."

Fred seemed apathetic to my subtle threat as a small smirk appeared on his face. "And perhaps that's why you kissed her."

Well, fuck, I walked right into that trap, didn't I?

Glaring at him, I pointed to his bed and said, "Get the hell away from me."

That only seemed to make the smirk on his face grow wider. "Can't deny it, can you."

No.

" _Go_ ," I snapped before grabbing my hangings and pulling them shut, leaving me there to spend the few hours I had left of solitude wondering where everything had gone so wrong.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

When I eventually did drift off to sleep, I was surprised and elated to see just how welcoming it was. Not because I was tired or because I needed the rest. But because sleep was the only time I didn't have to see that heartbroken look on Alice's face after I kissed her. It was the only time I didn't have to relive her words over and over again in my mind. It was the only time I didn't feel that searing ache in my heart that left me numb all over.

Which is why I thought it was best to sleep through my morning classes.

So much of me wanted to see Alice, to request forgiveness and to beg her to put last night in our past. And yet the other part of me couldn't bear to see her, not knowing what she was thinking or what she might do.

Not to mention, I still wasn't entirely sure what I was even thinking.

Knowing that Neville would come looking for me if I continued to skive off class, I reluctantly made it out to my afternoon classes. And I really wish I hadn't. Because Alice sat far away from me, refusing to look at me or acknowledge me at all. She kept quiet, saying nothing to anyone and every time the bell rang, she was the first out the door.

I had really screwed up.

Only problem was, I wasn't entirely sure how. And because I didn't know how I screwed up, I didn't know how to fix it. And I hated that. I hated not having the answers, especially when it came to the one person I thought I understood the most. But maybe I didn't. Maybe there was more to her than even I was aware of.

It was torture going through the day without Alice. I didn't even care that the Quidditch players were still sending me scathing looks. I didn't care that Roxanne still glared at me every time we crossed paths. I didn't care that my other cousins seemed wary around me. I didn't care that Fred and Ryleigh seemed happier than ever. I didn't care about any of it. I just cared about Alice.

If I thought Monday night's practice was bad, Wednesday night's was even worse.

And I was entirely to blame.

"Uh, mate?" Jax said, clearing his throat. "You just scored in the wrong hoops."

I glanced to my right. Sure enough, Cass wasn't there because she was on the opposite end of the pitch.

"Oh."

Jax flew towards me, lowering his voice. "What's going on with you and AliCat?"

Ah, I was wondering when others would pick up on that.

She hadn't spoken one word to me all practice. She showed up late and spoke to everyone else but me. She had reluctantly passed me the quaffle a few times for the sake of the team but she did so mechanically. She refused to look at me and every time I looked at her, it wasn't Quidditch I was worried about. It was trying to fix whatever had gone wrong.

"Nothing," I murmured to Jax. "Let's run that play again."

"This is not nothing," he argued, sweeping in front of me before I could take off. "You two have been avoiding each other all day and you're now doing it on the pitch. Are you not aware that we have a match in less than _three days_?"

I shot him a look. "How about you let me worry about me and you just get back to training Hugo?"

"James-"

I ignored him and shouted for the team to get back into formation, determined to be a better player.

I wasn't.

I dropped the quaffle the first time it was in my hands.

I ran into one of the hoops on my broom and bruised my arm.

I got clipped in the leg by a bludger.

I got a quaffle to the shoulder when I wasn't paying attention and hurt my shoulderblade.

Apparently I wasn't just an emotional mess, I was a physical mess, too.

"WE'VE GOT A GODDAMNED MATCH IN THREE DAYS AND YOU'RE CHOOSING NOW TO HAVE A MENTAL BREAKDOWN?"

Those lovely words came from my very angry seeker.

"Oh, don't get your panties in a bunch, Bishop," I drawled. "I'm just having an off day."

"No, you're having one of your teenage drama-filled angst-ridden feeling-sorry-for-yourself days and I've had enough of it," she snarled. "Get your bloody head out of your arse and back into the game, Potter, because I didn't join the Quidditch team so I could hold the hands of a bunch of whining pansies. _You are being ridiculous!_ "

The stunned looks coming from the rest of our teammates seemed to do the talking for me.

I took a step towards the seeker, my eyes full of warning. "Whether I'm having an _off day_ or not, I am your bloody Captain," I sneered. "So you might want to consider amending that tone of yours, Bishop, before I find every reason to bench your sorry ass."

She flipped her hair over her shoulder and smirked at me. "The only shot in hell you have at winning Saturday's match is me, Potter," she spoke smugly. "So I'll speak to you however I see fit because there is no goddamned way you'll be sticking me on that bench."

She took off towards the clubhouse before I could get in another word, which was fine by me because I was fuming.

Not because I was mad at her. But because she was right.

I sighed. I knew then that if we were going to win that Quidditch match on Saturday, I needed to make things right with Alice.

I told everyone to hit the showers and as expected, Alice took off towards the castle without a single word to me. Even though several body parts were throbbing, I quickly chased after her.

"Alice," I called out.

She hurried her pace.

" _Alice_ ," I said again, reaching for her arm.

She pulled it back immediately. "Don't," she pleaded, avoiding eye contact with me. "Just…not now."

She tried running off again but I followed her. "Alice, please," I whispered. "I'm know that I caught you off-guard last night and that you're convinced I did it for selfish reasons, but I promise you that that's not how I meant it."

She finally looked at me and I saw the bags under her eyes and the sadness in her sunken expression. "Then how did you mean it, James?" she whispered.

I opened my mouth to try and explain, to try to make sense of my feelings. I opened my mouth to tell her that I didn't think the kiss was a mistake. That it had meant something to me. That she was the only girl for me. I opened my mouth to tell her that I needed her, that I've always needed her, and that I always would. My head and my heart were both screaming at me, begging me to tell her the truth that was so obviously staring me in the face.

But how could I tell her all the things swimming around in my heart knowing I would be faced with one big rejection? It would change things between us forever. I could lose her completely. I could lose us. And I wasn't ready to see all that stripped away from me, not during such a tumultuous time of my life that was the hellhole I had found myself in recently.

And so I hesitated for just a moment, _just a few seconds_ , but apparently that was enough to make Alice think any response of mine wasn't worth hearing.

"You've had twenty-four hours to figure out a way to explain it to me," she spoke, her words coarse against her tongue. "And you still can't. And you know why? Because all it was to you was a stupid, drunken mistake. And I don't want to be just another one of your mistakes, James."

And with that, she was gone.

 _Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._

Everything I had been so afraid of – losing Alice, having my heart broken by her, her hurting me – was coming true.

Why did I have to let her in one last time?

Why did I have to let her in at all?

The small amount of control I once had was slipping away from me and I didn't know how to get it back. I didn't know what to feel or what to think or what to do. The one person that always made me feel like I wasn't alone was turning her back on me and I wasn't ready to face the walls closing in on me at my own personal persecution. I could barely breathe, the ache in my heart was so heavy, and I didn't know how I was supposed to survive without the one person that gave me a reason to survive.

I couldn't tell her the truth. But I couldn't lie to her either. So where did that leave me? Where did that leave us?

I hated everything I was feeling. It was too much. It was too confusing. It was too overwhelming. I couldn't do it. I couldn't have feelings for her. I didn't want to have feelings for her. _I didn't want any of this_.

Turns out, I had been far better off not having any feelings at all.

"Trouble in paradise?"

I turned to my right and sighed as Kenley Brown headed my way. I opened my mouth to tell her to fuck off.

What I said instead was, "Storage closet in Entrance Hall. You in?"

She looked at me, her eyebrow popping upward. "What happened to 'not interested?'"

"I changed my mind," I said hastily, swallowing the panic attack that was threatening to spill out. "You in or not?"

Smirking, she shrugged and said, "Sure, why not?"

Remember how Alice told me that I always managed to make the worst decisions ever?

Well, I did say she was always right, didn't I?

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I shagged Kenley Brown because I had needed an out. I needed something to keep my mind, and my heart, off of the overwhelming amount of turmoil that was weighing me down. I needed to ignore the heartbreak that had come to take over my entire body. I just needed to get away from it all, if even for a moment.

But the moment it was over, the moment we went our separate ways, the moment the spell was broken was the same moment that I realized all I just did was prove Alice right.

So I spent the rest of the night drowning myself in a half-bottle of firewhisky alone in my room in an attempt to forget about all of it.

I woke up the next morning with a massive headache but the memories were still there.

As it turns out, alcohol wasn't always the answer to drowning out the voices in your head, nor could they drown out the voices in your heart.

And for the record, neither was shagging a random girl.

I skipped breakfast again and didn't even bother to shower. Glancing into the bathroom mirror, I barely recognized myself. Heavy bags rested under my eyes and my face was a pale white. My hair was more of a mess than usual and my eyes were dead.

I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to think. I didn't know what to feel.

All I knew was that I had never felt more alone in my entire life.

And the one person who I had once turned to in order to not feel alone wasn't there anymore.

I had thought things couldn't get worse.

I was wrong.

" _You complete and total piece of shit_."

I was halfway to Transfiguration when I was greeted by those words.

Glancing up, I saw Fred storming my way with a murderous glare on his face. "What did I do this time?" I muttered irritably.

"Tell me it's not true," he hissed, his fists clenched tightly at his side. " _Tell me you didn't shag Kenley Brown_."

Well, fuck.

My heart sunk into my stomach. "Oh."

His eyes grew wide. " _You fucking piece of shit_."

So I've been told.

"In my defense," I murmured, "She wasn't supposed to tell anyone."

If I thought the rage he had previously felt was at max capacity, I had been wrong. " _She has the biggest goddamned mouth in the school_ ," he hissed. "Of _course_ she was going to tell someone! And I think you know that. I think you were counting on it."

I stared at him, dumbfounded. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"It means that this was just yet another way for you to completely sabotage yourself from the inside out," he scowled, the anger shooting from his eyes. "Here I thought that by kissing your best friend you might actually be growing up a bit, you _might_ actually be developing some feelings inside that otherwise stony heart, but you will just never change, will you? You will never let yourself be a good person, will you? You'd rather be a dick to everyone in your life instead of just bloody admitting you have real feelings just like the rest of us! Do you enjoy screwing over everyone in your life? Do you get some sick satisfaction out of hurting the people you supposedly care about?"

"You're one to talk."

I realized that was the incredibly wrong thing to say when his fist collided with my face.

I stumbled backward, my hands flying to my nose as I let out a surprised yelp.

" _You're a damned fool, James Potter_ ," Fred hissed in my face.

He stormed off then, leaving me to wipe the taste of blood from my mouth.

Was he right? Did I subconsciously sleep with Kenley as some form of masochistic self-sabotage? Was it easier for me to play the part of the victimized recluse than face what my heart was really feeling? Did I do this as a way of ending things myself before allowing Alice to do it for me?

I didn't know the answers to those questions. But when I turned around and saw Alice halfway down the hallway staring at me, I had a feeling I was about to find out.

Neither of us moved. We stood there staring at each other with half a hallway between us. Her eyes were hard but her expression broken. If I had thought my heart had been hurting before it was nothing compared to now.

"It's true, isn't it."

That's all she said but it was enough for me.

And my lack of response was enough for her.

I could see her bottom lip trembling even from far away and I knew she was struggling to hold back the tears.

"You told me you didn't need anyone but me. You were offended when I called this a game to you. You said you weren't using me. You couldn't believe I was afraid of being disposable to you. You told me you would never put me in the same category as all the other girls," she whispered, her every word smothered with intense resentment, "And not even twenty-four hours after you kissed me, you decide to go and shag another girl. What part of that doesn't sound like a game to you?"

What was left of my heart sank straight into my stomach and dropped an anchor of regret into my every vein. "Alice-"

"Don't," she whispered achingly, a tear sliding down her cheek. "I don't want to hear what you have to say. I don't want to hear what you have to say ever again."

That was all she said as the fled the hallway.

And when I didn't follow her, I knew that Fred wasn't wrong at all.

I had slept with Kenley as a backwards way of trying to protect my own heart instead of trying to find a way to protect hers.

But it backfired on me because in the end, we both got our hearts broken.

And I was entirely to blame for that.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I hid under my covers for the rest of the day, a bottle of firewhisky by my side. Everything inside of me felt shattered. My heart was collapsing with pain, my limbs trembled with regret, and my entire body exploded with a torturous agony that left me physically and mentally eviscerated. I tried numbing the pain with alcohol but it didn't work. Nothing worked. I was a crumpled shell of misery and I didn't know how to crawl out of it. Nor was I even sure I deserved to.

There was a knock on my door as afternoon settled into evening and I tossed my pillow over my head with the hope that whoever it was would disappear.

No such luck.

"James?"

I groaned at that familiar voice, shoving the firewhisky under my pillow hastily.

"Go away, Neville," I muttered.

He didn't.

"You've been missing a lot of class lately," he spoke.

"I wouldn't say I've been missing it."

He sighed. "Is this about Fred?" he asked softly.

No, it's about your daughter and how I've lost her forever.

"It's not about anything, Neville," I muttered.

I felt the end of my bed dip as he took a seat there. "Or maybe it's about my daughter."

 _Of course it's about your bloody daughter_.

I said nothing.

"You want to tell me about it?"

I tossed the covers off my head and turned to look at him. "Let me guess. You're here now trying to get the details out of me because your own stubborn daughter refuses to tell you anything," I drawled.

He frowned.

That was his way of saying yes.

"She skipped class this morning," he spoke, the concern evident in his tone. "I don't think she's ever skipped class before."

I shook my head. "She has. Every February 9th."

The day her mother died.

His eyes flickered with surprise. "James-"

"Every February 9th, she spends the day on the Quidditch pitch instead," I continued hastily, recalling the past six years where I was there at her side never once leaving her alone on a day I knew she felt so terribly alone. "She flies because it's something she has control over when she had no control over losing her mother. She focuses on the sky so she doesn't have to focus on the pain. She lets her broom take over so that her heartbreak won't. She flies because she loves it and she needs it on a day that had let her down twelve years ago. She flies to forget, sir."

I couldn't remember what my first words to Hattie were or what our first kiss was like. I didn't know what her favorite class was or her favorite meal. I didn't know who taught her how to play Quidditch. I didn't know what she liked and what she didn't like. I didn't know what she was thinking or feeling.

But I knew everything about Alice Longbottom. I knew what made her tick. I knew what made her happy and what made her sad. I knew when she was faking a smile and when she really meant it. I knew what she was thinking even when she refused to tell me. I knew because I cared more about her than I've ever cared about anything.

Hattie was right all along. The only girl I could ever want was standing right in front of me the whole time.

And because I screw everything up, I screwed up with her, too.

Glancing up at Neville, I could see the pain in his eyes and I almost felt bad for bringing his deceased wife up.

"Alice is out on the pitch now. She won't come down," he spoke softly. "What is she trying to forget this time, James?"

 _Me_.

But I was pretty sure he already knew that.

"Is there an actual point to this visit, Professor Longbottom?" I muttered, using his formal title to remind him that I didn't need my best friend's father interrogating me about his daughter's ways.

Make that ex-best friend.

"I'm worried about you," he said.

I shook my head. "No, you're worried about your daughter and I'm sorry, but I can't help you there."

He seemed troubled by that answer. "You've always been able to help me there."

Thank you for that heartbreaking reminder, _Professor Longbottom_.

"Talk to Fred," I muttered. "He can help you."

Another frown appeared on the professor's face. "I wasn't lying," he said in a rather concerned voice. "I am worried about you, James. So are your parents."

Oh, for fuck's sake.

"Oh, so that's why you're here? So you can go back to my parents and give them a lovely detailed synopsis of what is going on with their brooding son?"

"No, James," he sighed. "I'm here because you skipped two days of classes, you've been avoiding the Great Hall, you and Fred refuse to speak to each other, you are sporting a black eye, your family members appear to be upset with you, you're not handing in homework assignments, you are drinking in the middle of the day, and now there is something clearly concerning going on between you and my daughter."

Guess I didn't hide that bottle of firewhisky as well as I thought.

"And if that wasn't bad enough, I have been told that your head is not fully in Quidditch practice, which has been the _one thing_ I know you've always been able to count on."

No, the one thing I've always been able to count on was Alice and now that she was gone, nothing else mattered.

"We can all see that something is going on with you and all we want to do is help," he spoke softly. "But you have to let us."

I wondered if throwing the covers over my head again would give Neville enough clue to fuck off.

"I'm fine," I lied.

He shook his head at me. "You aren't."

No, I wasn't. I was far from fine. But what could Neville do about it? What could anyone do about it?

"If I say I'm fine, _I'm fine_ ," I snapped at him for the last thing I needed, or wanted, was someone's pity.

"James-"

"Go talk to your daughter, Neville," I pleaded. "She needs you more than I do."

I turned my back on him, staring at the windowsill and hoping he would take the hint and walk away.

He didn't.

"Seems to me you could use someone in your corner right about now," he spoke softly.

No. I made sure the only person left in my corner was me.

I said nothing for there was nothing left to say.

I heard him let out a tiny sigh and felt my heart flutter with relief when he picked himself off the bed and headed towards the door. He opened it and was about to leave when he said one last thing. "I hope you know that I'm always here if ever you do want to talk."

Right, like I was about to tell the father of the girl I had fallen for that I had kissed her one night and then shagged someone else the next.

He'd kill me in my sleep.

Though, at the time, that didn't sound half-bad.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

The next interruption came a half hour later.

"Out of all the girls you could have shagged, you just had to choose the one with the boyfriend who was already out to get you, didn't you."

I peeked my head out from under the covers to see my sister standing there with her hands on her hips.

"That aside, _what the hell is going on with you and Alice_?"

I pulled my head back under the covers.

Lily grabbed them and tossed them to the floor. "Stop sulking, James. It's pathetic."

"I'm pathetic," I muttered.

"Oh, so you've noticed?" she said with the roll of her eyes. She perched herself on the edge of Dash's bed opposite me and said, "I don't care where you start but let's hear it."

"Hear what?" I murmured, rolling over on to my back and staring up at the ceiling.

"Some sort of explanation for your existential crisis!"

I considered her slight outburst before responding, "This isn't an existential crisis. An existential crisis is when someone questions the meaning and value of their life. Me? I just don't care anymore."

She sighed. "You do care or you wouldn't be in here sulking."

No, I didn't care. I couldn't care anymore. I didn't care that Fred hurt me and I didn't care that he didn't seem to care about that. I didn't care that I hurt him back and I didn't care that he would probably never speak to me again. I didn't care about the stupid Quidditch match because it meant nothing to me now. There wasn't a single thing that mattered to my anymore. I didn't care my own family banned together against me. I didn't care that everyone in the school, or at least those that played Quidditch, looked at me with those disapproving eyes. I didn't care that Hattie slept with Fred and I didn't care that she seemed to think I didn't care about that. I didn't care that Fred lied to me. I didn't care that my father lied to me for years. I didn't care that my own mother always chose his side over mine. I didn't care that Teddy and I hadn't spoken one word to each other in over a month. I didn't care that I never let anyone in. I didn't care that Alice hated me and I didn't care that I hurt her more than I've ever hurt anyone and I didn't care that that probably broke her. I didn't care that I lost my best friend.

 _I didn't care anymore because it hurt too much to care._

"Please," I practically choked out, tossing my pillow over my face, "Just go away."

There was a long moment of silence but I wasn't stupid enough to think that Lily had left. "Oh, James," she eventually sighed, "You're really hurting, aren't you?"

No. I had been hurting before. Now, I just felt numb.

"What happened with you and Alice?" she practically pleaded.

I wanted to scream into the pillow. Instead, I said, "Do you not know the meaning of the words 'go away,' Lils?"

She sighed. "Please tell me what happened."

"Why, so you can rush off and tell the rest of our family my sad and pathetic woes?" I growled.

More silence. "You think I'm here just for some juicy gossip?"

"I wouldn't put it past you."

I felt my pillow being ripped off my face and when I glanced up at my sister, I saw both anger and hurt displayed in her green eyes. "I'm here because I'm your sister and I care about you!"

"Well, don't," I hissed. "I don't need you to care."

"Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you?" she retaliated, placing her hands on her hips very much the way Mum does when she's ticked off. "For me to just walk out the door right now and take my worry with me, hm? So that you can continue to act like this sad sack of _pathetic,_ moaning about being all alone in the world?"

Yeah, actually, that sounded pretty good.

"Well, you're shit out of luck because I do care about you, James Sirius Potter," she barked. "So whether you've convinced yourself of it or not, _you are not bloody alone_. And you're just going to have to bloody deal with that."

When did my sister become such a tyrant?

Shooting her a wary look, I picked myself up off the bed and headed towards the bathroom.

"Where the hell are you going?" she called after me.

"Well, if you won't let me be alone in my own bedroom then I'm going to go be alone in the bathroom," I snapped at her over my shoulder before slamming the door behind me.

I stood in the middle of the room helplessly, looking around at the small amount of clutter that had been building up all year. I suddenly wished I thought of bringing the firewhisky with me.

Not that that wouldn't have been the epic height of gloom.

As I glanced around the bathroom, all I could do was sigh.

It was official. My life had literally gone to the toilets.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Word around school was that Brooks Pruitt wanted to smash by bloody head in.

Considering I had just spent the last two days hiding in my room, you would have thought that after hearing that a guy was looking to seriously injure me, I would have continued the routine. And yet there I was, publicly roaming the hallways.

Yes, I was looking for a fight.

Yes, that was pathetic.

And no, I didn't care.

I finally caught up to the beefy Ravenclaw on Friday evening just after classes had ended. There was a crowd full of people heading towards the Great Hall and I mixed in with them. So, too, did Brooks apparently.

I felt someone's hands grab the back of my uniform and wrench me backwards.

I knew without looking that it was Brooks.

A gasping hush fell over the crowd as Brooks began to shout his usual obscenities at me. "What the fuck is wrong with you, Potter? You somehow lose your own goddamned girl so you decide to go after mine? _You are such a fucking prick_."

I ducked as he took a swing at me. "What's wrong with me?" I snorted. "I think the real question is, what's wrong with you that your own girlfriend doesn't even seem satisfied with you?"

That time, he got me in the jaw.

I lunged at him and slammed him against the stone wall.

" _You manipulative son of a bitch_ ," he snarled, kicking me in the shin and punching me in the stomach. "You're a piece of shit, Potter, y'hear me? _A piece of shit_."

"Ah, yes, that seems to be the consensus around school," I sneered as my own fist connected with his face.

Not much more was said after that, give or a take a few curse words, as we used that time to beat each other to a bloody pulp. I barely heard the shouts and the cheers from the students around me, putting my every bit of anger and despair into making sure he felt pain. Hurt him so I would hurt less. Take out my every bit of aggression on a bastard who deserved it.

All I saw was red, anger for myself and for Fred and for Alice and for Kenley, all of it being poured into every strike I took against the Ravenclaw.

Suddenly, I felt myself being dragged away from the bastard and slowly, everything came back into focus. And it was a different red I saw. There was blood pouring from our faces and oozing from the various scratches all over our bodies. Our uniforms were torn and our hair was a disheveled mess. The bricks on the wall were cracked from our blunt force. There was fear in the eyes of the student onlookers. And there was my brother holding on to the back of my uniform, hauling me away from the throng of people.

"Get the fuck off of me," I snarled at him, shoving him away.

Albus stumbled but took a step in front of me before I could return to do more damage to the Ravenclaw. "Punching him isn't going to fix your problems," he pleaded.

" _It's a start_."

Albus pushed me again, further down the hallway and to appease him, or maybe because I knew I had very little fight left in me, I stopped fighting against him and stormed off, rounding the corner and leaving the crowd of people behind. "You gonna go run off and tell Mumsy and Pops that their darling eldest son has socked another student in the face?" I sneered, trying to wipe the blood from my nose to no avail. Hesitating, I added, "Well, actually it's not another student. It's the same student I typically clobber. Though I can't imagine that would make them any less pleased with me."

Albus stared at me, the fear evident in his concerned eyes. "Is that what this is?" he spoke softly. "You've far surpassed disappointing yourself so now you're actively tryingto disappoint the rest of our family? Is that what you're trying to do?"

"Fuck off, Al" was my less than creative response.

I took off down the hallway but that didn't stop him from calling after me.

"You've shagged a girl you hate, you're drinking your days away, you've bashed Pruitt's face in and most likely stripped yourself of that Captain's badge you're supposedly so fond of," he cried out, the concern now replaced with frustration. "What's next, James? You going to go jump off the Clock Tower or fight a dragon with your bare hands or take up drugs to cover your pain? _Is that going to make your shitty situation any less shitty_?"

I shouldn't have been bothered to respond, but for some reason, I did. Turning back around, I glared at my brother. "Y'know what, Al? When you were hurting and in your own shitty situation, I stood by your side as you dealt with it in your own bloody way so _don't you dare_ come to me reprimanding me for dealing with my so-called shitty situation _my_ way!"

" _My way wasn't self-destructive_!"

I stared at him in slight incredulity. "You do remember that _you punched Pruitt, too_ , right?"

He growled. "Because he was insulting my family, not because I was actively looking for a fight!"

An unfortunately good point.

"I don't know what the hell is going on with you," he snarled. "I don't know why you attacked Fred or why you were so hurt by him sleeping with Hattie and I don't know why you and Alice are suddenly on the outs and I don't know why that suddenly made you decide to shag some bimbo and I don't' know why you are suddenly spending your every free time hiding in your bed with a bottle or two of firewhisky and I don't know why you're pushing away our sister when she's the only person left who seems to want to be there for you and I don't know why you are suddenly looking for a fight from a bloke who has made it quite known he hates you and I don't know why you are suddenly letting your own bloody Quidditch team down, _but figure out a way to fix it because you're scaring the shit out of all of us!_ "

I gaped at him, not sure whether to be annoyed or angry or shocked or just upset.

I decided just not to care.

"Oh, don't pretend you're one of those people who are worried about me," I countered. "You don't care about me enough to be worried."

He frowned, the irritation flickering in his green eyes. "No, _you_ don't care about _me_ ," he corrected, shaking his head. "I've never not cared about you."

For some reason, that made me even angrier. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

He grew quiet and I was all ready to just walk away, when his next words stopped me. "It means you were the one who decided to hate me all those years ago. And I don't know what it is I did to ever deserve it."

This was not the conversation I was looking to have. Not now, not ever.

"You existed," I hissed. "That was enough for me."

And I shoved past him, storming off down the hallway.

"Oh, you are such a jack— _dammit, where the hell are you going_?"

Most likely to hell.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

It was the morning of the match when Neville took the Captain's badge away from me.

I also got another week of nighttime detention.

I didn't care about either.

I wandered into the clubhouse ten minutes late and was immediately on the receiving end of seven identical glares.

" _You lost your fucking Captain's badge the day of our fucking match_?"

My seeker really had a way with words, didn't she.

Oh, wait. I wasn't Captain anymore which means she wasn't my seeker anymore.

"For four goddamned months, you have _shoved_ Quidditch down our throats in every way possible, forcing us to focus our entire lives on this bloody game, and you are choosing _now_ , _five minutes before our goddamned match_ , not to give a fuck anymore?"

"Shut up, Bishop," I snapped at her. "I am so tired of dealing with your mouth."

"Good thing you don't have to deal with it anymore _since Alice is now Captain_ , you goddamned prick."

Oh, yeah, guess who replaced me?

"Don't make me shove that broom up your holier-than-thou arse, Bishop," I snarled at her.

" _I'd like to see you try_."

"That sounded an awful lot like a challenge," I sneered.

"You are some piece of work, aren't you?" she continued in her usual angry tone. "You claim Quidditch is the only thing that bloody matters to you, the only thing that should bloody matter to anyone, warning any of us against any sort of dramatic hissy fit, but suddenly your life isn't going the way you want it to, and it's okay for _you_ to have a hissy fit?"

"I'm about to go ape-shit on your arse if you don't _shut the fuck up, Bishop_ ," I barked at her, wondering if anyone would be me against strangling her.

"Will you two please just shut up?" Alice finally interrupted, glaring at Sadie. She didn't bother glaring at me because that would mean having to actually look at me. "Look, the situation isn't exactly ideal, we are all very much aware of that, but it's the one we've got. So can we all just please put aside our differences so we can go out there today and win?"

"Don't look at me when you say that," Sadie snapped, folding her arms defensively across her body. "Those words should be directed at you, Potter, and Weasley."

Hugo glanced up in surprise.

"Not you Weasley, the other Weasley," Sadie groaned.

Fred rolled his eyes from where he sat on the bench. "Don't drag me into the Potter-Longbottom feud."

" _You have your own feud with bloody Potter_."

Fred shrugged, pulling himself off the bench with a stifled yawn as if all of this was beneath him.

I wanted to punch him in the bloody face.

I mean, it's not like I could lose my Captain badge again, right?

"My feud isn't' going to affect the match, Bishop," he drawled. "Considering I won't be playing in it."

"Oh, yeah, and you seem really broken up over the fact that you dicked us all over for some skanky bitch."

Amen, sister.

Shit, was I agreeing with Sadie Bishop?

Fred's eyes narrowed at her, an unforeseen anger glowing in his eyes. He took a step towards her, towering over her as he sneered, "Just because no guy has ever shown any bloody interest in you, Bishop, doesn't mean you can go trashing my girlfriend."

For fuck's sake, he doesn't give a shit that our Quidditch standings may be in jeopardy but he cares that a nobody insulted his girlfriend?

"Tell me," Alice spoke up coolly, her voice carrying, "Do you all think it's better if we just hide out in here for the day and forfeit the match because I can't imagine us winning with a team that is at each other's throats like this."

Silence filled the clubhouse.

"May I speak freely?" Cass spoke with a bit of an edge to her voice.

Alice sighed. "By all means."

" _This is total bullshit_ ," she blurted out, her eyes full of anger. "I joined this goddamned team to play, to represent our House with pride and honor, and frankly, you are all ruining that for us."

Glancing around the room, we were all clearly shocked by Cass' outburst seeing as she always came off rather innocently charming in the past.

"I can't help but agree with her there," CJ sighed. "James told us to chuck our problems at the gate when we first joined the team and I think that's what we have to here today."

Fuck, I did totally say that, didn't I.

Just goes to show that everyone lies.

"We just have to get through one match," Jax pleaded, the frustration in his eyes boiling over. " _One bloody match_. Please tell me we can do that."

I told myself I could.

While knowing I probably couldn't.

Alice glanced around at the rest of the team, though I noticed once again that she kept me out of her eyesight. "Then let's go out there and play the way we were meant to play," she spoke softly. "This may not be the best timing for this match, but we don't have a choice in the matter. I know that there are some awkward rifts and harrowing disputes between some of the team members and yes, I know that that includes me, but I also know that Gryffindors have been taught to rise above every obstacle sent their way and today should be no different. _We are better than the Hufflepuffs_. So let's get our unbeatable arses out on that field and annihilate them!"

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

We didn't annihilate them.

We won.

But we didn't annihilate them.

The final score was 200 to 160 in favor of Gryffindor after Sadie managed to catch the snitch.

And for the record, none of our 50 chaser points came from me.

The Gryffindors in the stands were cheering but no one on our team was for we knew that was the worst game we had ever played. We all flew towards the ground and dismounted, not a single one of us daring to look each other in the eye.

Jax broke the silence. "Well, I think we can safely say the only person on our team who earned praise today was Sadie."

Sadie's response stunned us all. "And you know what I say to that?" she snapped, holding the snitch up in her hand. " _This is the last snitch I'll be catching for any of you jackasses_. I QUIT!"

She tossed the snitch into the air, to nowhere in particular, and stormed off.

"You don't mean that, Bishop!" Alice called out after her.

Sadie whirled around to glare at her. "I didn't join this team to be a bloody mediator. I didn't join this team to deal with all of your whiny drama. I didn't join this team to be the only one who actually gives a fuck about Quidditch. I joined this team to play Quidditch but since none of you seem to know how, nor do you seem to care how, to play the game anymore, what with your heads stuck so far up your arses, why the fuck should I care anymore? _Find yourself another seeker because I'm done_."

That time, she really did storm off.

Leaving us all standing there in shock.

We were out a beater. We were out a reserve. We were pretty much out a chaser if I didn't get my act together. And now we were apparently out a seeker.

To say we were completely and utterly fucked would be the understatement of the year.

We barely had time to process any of it, however, before the stands began to empty and students and families alike began to pour onto the field to offer their congratulations.

Only then did I remember that both my parents had been at the match.

The match in which I played the worst game of my life.

Fuck.

"James."

I stiffened and glanced to my right as Mum came into view. "Don't have time to chat, Mum," I lied, hiking my broom over my shoulder and heading off towards the clubhouse.

I should have known that wouldn't satisfy her.

"Please talk to me, James," she begged, her arm coming to rest on my shoulder. "If that match was any indication of how you are doing then it's clear you're struggling."

"It was one bad match," I grumbled. "We all have off days."

"What happened with you and Fred?" she asked, ignoring me completely. "And now I hear you and Alice aren't speaking to each other? What's going on with you?"

" _Nothing_ ," I snapped at her through gritted teeth. "Why can't everyone just leave me alone?"

I shoved her hand away from my shoulder and rushed off towards the clubhouse, where I was once again interrupted.

"James."

I froze, slowly turning around to face my father.

"What do _you_ want?" I spoke, a tad too harshly.

He didn't comment on my tone. "I want you to be happy," he said softly. "And clearly you're not."

" _I'm fine_."

"And how many times are you going to tell yourself that before you believe it?"

"I'M FINE."

He shook his head at me. "I know this may be a bit hard for you to believe, son, but I know a little thing or two about feeling stuck in your own body where everything seems to be going wrong and it's as if the whole world is closing in on you and you have no way of making it all okay again. And the worst thing you can do is bottle everything in because it just makes you feel worse," he said, his voice coming out in a jagged whisper. "I know what helpless feels like and I don't wish that on anyone, especially my own son. So please just talk to us because I can't stand to see you like this."

The last person I wanted to be dealing with right now was the man standing in front of me.

I was already having what might be the worst day of my teenage life and listening to my father attempt to relate to me was just another reminder that he didn't know me at all. No, the only two people who knew everything about me were no longer a part of my life and I wasn't about to replace them with someone who hadn't shown any interest in my life in six years.

"It's been a really long time since you've bothered to care about me, Dad," I hissed. "And the last thing I need right now is for you to pretend that you do."

I didn't head into the clubhouse where I'd be bombarded by the disappointed glares and the scathing remarks and the helpless chitchat from my teammates. I bypassed it altogether and made a beeline towards the castle.

I was still in my Quidditch gear, my broom still in my hands, and while I was dying to wipe the entire day off of me, I couldn't bear returning to the Gryffindor Tower. I was either going to be on the receiving end of undeserved congratulatory acclaim or I was going to be on the receiving end of confused and wary looks over my lack of performance. Either way, I wanted no part of it. I just needed a moment to myself. I needed to be away from other people, from the judgment and the ridicule. I just needed to be alone.

Winding myself through the castle, I kept getting caught up in the throes of student crowds, desperate to find some semblance of solitude, which is the only reason I can assume I ended up in the Owlery.

The smell of owl pellets and the constant hoots gave me a slight headache, but at least I was alone.

Unless you counted the owls. Which I didn't.

I abandoned my broom on the floor and went to the window, leaning my elbows down on the window ledge and breathing in the winter air. It was cold up there, the chill seeping into my every bone, but I barely noticed. I was numb to it all, numb to all feeling. I felt drained and exhausted, but it wasn't because I just played an hour of Quidditch. I had little energy left, if I even had any. As I stared out across the grounds, I tried not to focus on my abysmal performance but the only other thing on my mind was Alice, so I decided thinking of the former was a better way to go.

It wasn't that I had played poorly, it was that I hadn't played at all. Where there was once an unspoken unity between myself and Alice, now we were just a mere broken shell of miscommunication. She tossed the quaffle to my right and I went left. She tried crossing under me and instead of flying overheard, I found myself colliding with her. She'd dodge a bludger and I'd get hit with it. I had become increasingly frustrated throughout the match, but it wasn't because of my skills. It was because for the first time since she and I both made the team, nothing we did was in unison and it killed me to know that I had done that.

Quidditch had always been my dream. It's all I ever talked about and all I ever dreamed about. As a naïve kid, I had somehow convinced myself I'd one day be the greatest Quidditch player in the world. I fantasized about breaking every single Quidditch record there was and dominating the league. I dreamed about putting action figures and bobbleheads of myself on my shelf. I could practically hear the crowds cheering my name. It was all I had ever wanted. But now that it was slipping out of my fingers, it was like none of that even mattered if I didn't have Alice there to share it with.

Well, so much for not thinking about Alice.

But I shouldn't have surprised. She wasn't just a part of my life. She was my life and every aspect of it.

Or at least she used to be.

I was so caught up in my thoughts that I hadn't heard the footsteps on the stairwell behind me until there was someone clearing their throat behind me.

Glancing over my shoulder, I was slightly surprised to see Rose standing there. I just stared at her, too tired to even speak

"Do you have an identical twin I don't know about because the guy out on the pitch today wasn't you," she spoke curiously.

I should have glared at her but I didn't have it in me. So I just shrugged and turned my back on her once again.

Clearly she didn't take that to mean I wanted to be alone for she shuffled over to me and took a seat on the floor beside where I stood.

"Who sent you?" I murmured.

She glanced up at me. "What?"

"Mum? Dad? Lily? Someone had to have sent you here. You wouldn't have come after me on your own free will."

She met my gaze, an unexpected sadness resting in her eyes, before turning away from me. "No one sent me," she spoke softly.

I looked down at her. "Then why are you here?"

She didn't respond right away as she drew her knees into her body with a heavy sigh. Something about her demeanor felt off but I wasn't in the mood to play any guessing games so I pretended not to notice.

"I know you're in a pretty bad place right now," she eventually spoke, her words barely above a whisper, "I know it's killing you inside but I also know you don't want to talk about it, so I thought I might offer you a slight break from it."

My eyebrow popped up. "Oh, really?" I drawled. "And how do you plan to do that?"

She slowly met my gaze and this time I absolutely knew something was off with her, her brown eyes coated with tearful regret. "I slept with Scorpius Malfoy."

I stared at her.

And then I stared some more.

I waited for her to tell me she was joking.

When she didn't, all I could do was continue to stare at her because all words were officially lost on me.

"I know it was stupid," she said when I said nothing.

" _You're damned right it was stupid_ " was my very judgmental response.

I expected her to glare at me or tell me off. Instead, she began to cry.

So I did more staring because I couldn't recall a time I had ever seen Rose Weasley cry.

I slid down the wall and took a seat beside her, nudging her with my elbow. "Hey, don't cry," I spoke softly. "Malfoy doesn't deserve your tears."

She shook her head. "This isn't even about him," she murmured. "It's about me and how completely fucked up I am."

I snorted. "Well, join the club, Roe."

She snuck a peek towards me. "Why do you think I'm here?"

Whoever said misery loves company certainly knew what they were talking about.

I could see in her eyes that she felt just as alone as I felt, tortured by thoughts of her own shortcomings.

But that still didn't completely explain why she was there.

"Unless you're here to give me permission to sock Malfoy in the face, I don't know how I can help," I spoke perhaps a bit too desperately.

"I'm not here looking for your help," she whispered between her tears. "I'm here because I think you might understand."

"Why you slept with Malfoy?" I groaned. "Hardly."

She shook her head. "No," she whispered again. "I think you might understand what it's like to have that one thing that can make you happy dangling right in front of you and instead of going after it, you do everything in your power to push it farther and farther away."

Oh. That.

Yeah, that was something I certainly understood way too much about.

"Why can't any of us just ever be happy? Why is everyone in our family so screwed up?" she mumbled, wiping the tears underneath her eyes.

"I hope you don't actually expect me to have an answer to that," I muttered.

She rested her chin on her knees with a frown. "It's like none of us know how, or are too afraid, to just settle down. It took years before Vic and Teddy got together, too scared to do anything at first. And Dom is on her fourth boyfriend in a year. Molly never had a serious relationship, or any really for that matter, before Linc and who even knows if they're still together after the disaster that was Christmas Eve. Albus dated a girl all because on paper, she seemed right for him but she turned out to be all kinds of wrong. You, Fred, and Louis have slept with more girls than I even know. And yes, those two are now in relationships but it's not like either one of them even know what that really entails. And if you have your way, you'll never bother trying to find a girl to settle down with. And then there's me, who likes one guy but pretends not to by sleeping with her mortal enemy. _Why can't any of us just find a way to be happy?"_

She furiously blinked the tears away and turned to me, as if her last question wasn't rhetorical and she was looking for an answer from me.

Which was hilarious because happy was about the last thing I was.

"I don't know," I murmured. "But when you figure it out, feel free to let me know."

She let out a sad whimper as she buried her face in her hands.

"It's Jax, isn't it."

She stiffened beside me, slowly peeking her head out of her hands. "What?"

I glanced down at her curiously. "The guy you like," I said with a curt shrug. "It's Jax, right?"

She wouldn't even look at me, her face a dark crimson color as she stared intensely at the floor. "How'd you know?" she muttered.

I hesitated, thinking back over the past few months. I hadn't seen what was going on with Fred or Ryleigh. Or maybe I didn't want to see it. But that left me broken and betrayed, and I wasn't sure I could go through something like that again. So instead of ignoring the signs this time, I faced them head-on.

Rose and Jax had always gotten along rather decently but this year they appeared to be at each other's throats most of the time. Rose always seemed to badmouth Laikyn, and while the girl was a tad flighty, I always felt as if there was something more there. On Halloween, Jax had been incredibly against Scorpius dancing with Rose, which I was too but not nearly as much as he was. Rose had said she was upset when she first snogged Malfoy and the only reason I could come up with that would have her throwing herself at her enemy was because she was trying to get over someone else. Rose and Jax often insulted each other by using their dating habits against one another. When Jax found out Rose had been snogging Malfoy for two clandestine months, he stormed off angrier than I had ever seen him. It took Jax nearly four months to officially ask Laikyn out and when he did, it just so happened to be the day after one of his infamous fights with Rose. And when he did finally ask Laikyn out, Rose was suddenly hopping into bed with Malfoy. None of that was a coincidence.

"I think a part of me has known for a while," I finally admitted.

She said nothing at first, twirling a stray hair around her finger. "Please don't tell him," she eventually whispered.

I nodded. "For the record, Laikyn Hennessy doesn't hold a candle to you, Roe."

She shook her head and squeezed her eyes shut. "Of course she does," she muttered. "She's blonde and perky and tall and every guy stares at her freaking legs when she walks down the hallway and it doesn't fucking matter that she doesn't have an intelligent bone in her body because she's so bloody beautiful and that's all any guy ever wants."

I winced because even as she spoke, I knew that she could easily be describing me.

Or what used to be me.

"No," I found myself whispering, "It's what all guys think they want. They go after the blonde bombshell who wears too much makeup and who spends hours in the bathroom fixing her hair and who hikes up her skirt and wears lowcut tank tops and who wears heels to class because she knows they make her legs look good and who giggles at everything we say not because it's funny but because they know it'll stroke our egos, but they aren't the ones we fall for in the end. No, we fall for the girls who make sweatpants look good. The ones whose messy ponytails we find charming. The girls who can hold an actual conversation with us and who we laugh with because it feels right. The ones we can talk to for hours and it never gets stale. The ones whose kisses make our insides melt when we never thought it was possible. The girls who don't wear makeup and who look so much more beautiful than those who do. The ones who know what to say to turn the bad times into good. The girls who can make us smile just by walking into the room. The girls who make our hearts ache so much because we can't imagine not being around them. We may sleep with the wrong girls over and over and over again, but only the right ones steal our hearts."

I could feel her eyes gaping at me but I stared straight ahead at the opposite wall, unable to meet the awe in her eyes that I knew was there.

"Why do I get the feeling that you aren't talking about me anymore?" Rose asked.

I just shook my head at her, a lump forming in my throat that made it impossible to speak.

"Or maybe a better question is," she spoke softly, placing her hand on my forearm, "Why do I get the feeling that you're talking about Alice?"

And suddenly the break that Rose gave me from not having to think about her was gone and all I could do was think of the girl who had somehow unwittingly stolen my heart.

"Why'd you do it?" I said to Rose, ignoring her question altogether.

"Do what?"

I grimaced. "Sleep with bloody Malfoy," I muttered.

"Oh, so we're just going to ignore the fact that you might have feelings towards your best friend?"

"I don't," I lied because I was getting really good at lying myself.

She rolled her eyes. "Certainly sounds like you might."

"Why'd you sleep with Malfoy?" I pressured because I was also getting really good at changing the subject.

Her lips pursed. "Well, it's not like I haven't done it before so why not with Malfoy?" she muttered.

I turned to her sharply. " _Who else have you been shagging_?"

She shot me a look. "Of course that's what you focus on."

Rose had never had a boyfriend. Most guys were intimidated by her. Those who weren't only made Rose bitch at them more. So I couldn't fathom who Rose might have deemed good enough to sleep with.

Nor was I sure I even wanted to know.

"So your reason for sleeping with Malfoy was 'I had no reason not to?'" I drawled with the slightest shake of my head. "You can't honestly tell me you really sold yourself that short."

She shot me a scathing look. "As opposed to all the girls who would do or say anything to get into bed with you?"

I sighed. "We're not talking about me, remember?"

She sighed, too, slowly shaking her head as the contemplated my original question as to what possessed her to sleep with a guy she barely tolerated. "You know how people are always saying that being drunk and stupid shouldn't excuse you for making mistakes?" she muttered.

I nodded.

"Well, I was drunk and stupid."

I cracked a smile.

"And for the record, so was he so don't think he took advantage of me in my drunken state," she mumbled.

It's a good thing she said that because I had already started devising a list of a hundred ways to kill Malfoy and get away with it in my mind.

"When did this even happen?" I questioned curiously.

"Last Saturday," she muttered. "About an hour before you went and did your stupid thing with Fred without being drunk."

I glared at her. "Once again, let's not focus on me right now, shall we?"

That time, she was the one who cracked a smile.

"Rose," I said slowly, twisting towards her in order to face her. "You barely drink when a full-fledged party is going on around you. What were you doing drinking alone on a Saturday night?"

She hesitated. "I wasn't alone. Malfoy was there."

" _You would have been better off alone_."

That had her cracking another smile. But it quickly faded. "I found out about Jax and Laikyn and I was your stereotypical jealous, upset girl—yes, I know, apparently I have actual feelings, who'd have thunk?—and I happened to run into Malfoy and he could tell something was wrong and then he suggested a bottle of halo-gin and I figured why the hell not. Next thing I knew, I was half-drunk, completely vulnerable, needed an escape, and I used him to do it," she muttered.

I contemplated her words carefully. "Did it work?"

"Did what work?"

I shrugged. "Did sleeping with the devil help you escape?"

"He's not the devil."

I rolled my eyes. "Answer the question."

She drew her knees in close to her body as she sadness filled her eyes. "No," she whispered. "Shagging someone you don't care about doesn't give you an escape. It just makes you feel even more empty than you were before."

I looked down at her and saw a sad, vulnerable version of a girl I had always assumed was nothing but strong. But having unexpected feelings for a person that you didn't see coming had a way with messing with both your head and your heart.

Alice's face swam through my mind at that time.

Right before Kenley's did.

A grimace spreading across my jawline. "Yeah," I muttered. "I might know a thing or two about that."

She stole a glance my way. "Because of Alice?"

I sighed, wondering how we got back on to the topic of Alice when I was trying desperately to steer the conversation elsewhere.

But I realized that was exactly what Rose had wanted to do. Give me something else to think about just for a moment so as to quiet the ache in my heart. And it worked. For a moment. But at the end of the day, that ache would always be there.

Glancing over at Rose, I saw an unexpected compassion staring back at me and I found myself blurting out, "I kissed her."

Rose stared at me, her mouth parting. "Come again?"

"Tuesday night," I muttered.

Rose blinked. "You mean the night before you shagged Miss Queen Bee?"

Regret soared through my every vein. "The very one," I muttered.

She stared at me again before slapping me in the back of the head.

" _Ow_!" I howled, glaring at her. "How come you get to hit me for this but I don't get to hit you for _sleeping with Malfoy_?"

"Alice Longbottom is quite possibly the best thing that ever happened to you and you let that go for a bloody shag with some meaningless girl?" Rose groaned, shaking her head vigorously. "I mean, I knew you were daft, James, but this is a whole new level of daftness!"

I could have glared at her or yelled at her or found a way to insult her back, but I didn't because we both knew she was right. "I know," I whispered. "I just…I freaked out."

Rose looked at me with curious eyes. "Because you have feelings for her?"

"No," I lied.

She smirked. "Because you have feelings for her."

That time it wasn't a question.

"It's why you kissed her, isn't it."

That also wasn't a question.

"Isn't it?"

But that was.

It was the question of the hour. Of the day. Of the week. Of my whole life.

 _Why did I kiss Alice_?

While my heart knew the answer, my head was too afraid to say it aloud.

So I just shook my head in an almost desperate manner. "I came up here because I didn't want to think or talk about her, Rosie, so can we just…not?" I pleaded with Rose, hoping it would be enough.

She frowned. "Okay, fine, I get it, I'm not the right person to talk to about this, but-"

"No one is," I muttered.

She looked at me hesitantly. "You _should_ talk to AliCat."

That thought sent a nervous ache to my heart. "She doesn't want to talk to me," I muttered. "Which is fine because I'm not even sure what I want to say."

I was surprised to see a coy smile creeping on to her lips. "Which probably explains why you are sitting on the floor of a tower that is covered in owl pellets and smells like putrid hay."

I blinked. "Uh...what does that explain exactly?"

She chuckled. "Maybe I'm not the person you want to be talking to about this and maybe you're too afraid to talk to your own best friend, but clearly there is someone you want to talk to and you're here in the Owlery now because of it. So about you do us all a favor and write to him?"

She patted my shoulder before pulling herself off the floor. "And do it soon, alright? Gryffindor's stake in the Quidditch standings kinda depends on it."

"Oh, go fuck a Malfoy, won't you?" I muttered.

She shot me a look but we both wound up laughing.

I can't remember the last time I laughed.

It felt good to laugh.

"Thank you, Rose," I said before she could leave.

She looked at me with a bewildered smile. "For what?"

For taking my mind off of Alice if even just for a moment. For making me realize I wasn't the only one with problems. For helping me try to straighten out my priorities. For being there for me when I hardly deserved it.

Instead, I said, "For not asking me how I'm doing."

Surprise flickered in her eyes before she shrugged. "I don't have to ask. I just have to look at you to know how you're doing, James," she spoke softly. "And I'm sorry you're hurting."

She offered me a last smile before disappearing down the stairs.

 _I'm sorry you're hurting_.

She was the first person to recognize that I wasn't just someone who had done the hurting. That I was hurting myself.

She really was the perceptive one in the family.

I leaned my head back with a sigh, thinking about what she said about there being a reason I ended up in the Owlery today. She was right of course. Because just like Alice, she was always right.

Why was it always the girls that were right?

With a hesitant sigh, I pulled out a piece of parchment and a quill and began to write.

 _T,_

 _I need you._

 _J_

I received a response an hour later.

 _J,_

 _Hogs Head Pub tonight at 7._

 _T_

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I stuck around the Owlery for another hour or two, finding a content solace in the quiet and the lack of interruptions. But when I couldn't stand the smell anymore, I picked myself off the floor, banished my broom back to the clubhouse, and wound my way through the secret passageway to Hogsmeade. I still had a few hours until I was meeting with Teddy, but getting away from the castle gave me the ability to breathe a tad easier.

I was well aware how pathetic I looked, sitting in the Hogs Head Pub by myself in the middle of the afternoon nursing a firewhisky or two still in my filthy Quidditch uniform. But it looked better than me sitting on the floor of the Owlery so I considered it a win.

"Already starting without me?"

I nearly jumped as Teddy slid into the booth opposite me.

"It's my first," I lied.

Teddy looked at me. "No, it isn't."

No, it isn't.

"You're still in your uniform," he commented.

I glanced down. "Oh," I murmured. "Yeah."

"So nice of you to shower and clean yourself up before meeting me."

I looked up at him, not sure if he was teasing me or actually insulting me. The look on his face gave nothing away. "It's been a rough day," I admitted.

He nodded. "Sounds like it's been a rough week."

I was surprised he knew that as I certainly hadn't been keeping him informed. "Who told you that?"

He shrugged. "When I got your letter, I went over to your house. I spoke to your mother."

Fuck.

I forgot how bloody nosy everyone was in the Peasley family.

Okay, technically Teddy wasn't a Potter or a Weasley.

Oh, hell, he totally was.

"She's really worried about you, James."

I'm worried about me, too.

"Is that why you came?" I found myself asking. "Because _Mum_ is worried about me?"

He seemed taken aback by that comment, a frown spreading across his jawline. "I came because you asked me to."

There was an edge to his voice that reminded me of our last conversation together, the one that had me insulting him in a rather unforgivable way. "I'm sorry, T," I whispered. "For what I said over the holidays. You were just trying to help me and instead of letting you, I said anything I could to tear you down."

He looked at me in slight surprise. "I hate not talking to you, kid."

I looked at him, a slight smile on my face. "I hate when you call me kid."

His upper lip twitched. "It's better than when I call you arse."

I hesitated. "Not when I deserve it."

He smiled at me. "We're fine," he said dismissively. "But you clearly are not, so-"

"Wait, that's it?" I interrupted, ignoring the second half of his statement. "We stop talking for a whole month and then like that, all is suddenly forgiven?"

Teddy studied me with hesitant eyes before saying, "You don't allow yourself to need a lot of people, J. And even if you did, you certainly don't like to admit it. But you wrote to me telling me that you needed me. I knew things were bad for you. And no matter how upset or hurt I am by you, you have to know that I will always be here for you, kiddo."

It somehow made me feel worse because I didn't deserve anyone to be there for me, not the way I had been acting. "Things aren't _that_ bad," I lied through my teeth.

That couldn't have been farther from the truth.

He stared at me, his mouth parting in slight irritation. "Things aren't that bad?" he drawled with a follow-up snort. "Are you kidding me with that?"

"I'm fine, T. Really," I lied again.

He just laughed at me, the air thick with his disbelief. "You are so far from fine, J," he groaned. "You and Fred haven't spoken a single word to each other since last weekend-"

"Not true, we had a conversation on Tuesday night," I muttered. "Oh, yeah, and on Thursday when he punched me."

"You apparently betrayed him and our entire family, although it seems none of the cousins at that school of yours are willing to say what exactly happened, which makes me think it's much worse than I'm imagining it-"

"He betrayed me first."

"-something happened with you and Alice and although no one knows what, we know it's bad because you skipped school for two straight days to drink alone in your room-"

"That's an exaggeration."

"-you punched a guy in the middle of a crowd, _knowing you would lose your Captain's badge you worked incredibly hard for_ -"

"He deserved it."

"-and if none of that screams out complete and total emotional breakdown, you completely bombed today at your match when Quidditch has always been the one thing you could turn to, even in times of trouble."

"I had a bad day."

"No, you're having a bad _month_ ," he groaned. "So don't you dare tell me you're fine, James. _You're not fine_.You wouldn't have written to me, saying you needed me, if you were fine."

Okay, so I wasn't fine. I was terrible. I was heartbroken. I was hurting in places I didn't think I could hurt. It hurt to breathe let alone have a conversation. I didn't feel like me. I just felt broken and damaged as if I'd never be able to put myself back together again. As if maybe I didn't want to. As if maybe I was better off alone. I've always kept everything inside because I'd rather destroy myself than let someone else do it to me. And yet somehow, Alice destroyed me anyway. Because she was the one person I had let in. The one person I had always opened up to. And at some point in the past seventeen years, she dug her way into my heart and she never left until I forced her out. Until I did the single most horrible thing and pushed her away in the only way I apparently know how.

So maybe she hadn't been the one to destroy me after all. Maybe the true irony in all of this is that I really was the one who destroyed myself.

"Talk to me, J," Teddy pleaded and I heard such overwhelming concern in his voice, as if maybe he really did care. As if maybe I wasn't completely alone.

As I looked up at him, I knew that keeping everything bottled in was no longer the answer. I had hit rockbottom. I had to believe there was nowhere else to go but up.

"Fred lied to me for four months and betrayed me and the team," I murmured.

Teddy nodded. "I know that must have hurt."

"Oh, and he also apparently slept with Hattie over the summer and didn't tell me."

His mouth parted. "Ouch."

"So I basically told him that he was only born to replace Uncle George's dead twin brother."

His eyes narrowed. "You did what?"

"And then I kissed Alice."

He gaped at me. "You did _what_?"

"Right before I slept with someone else."

He glared at me. " _You did what_?"

"So I punched a guy because that seemed easier than dealing with any of this."

He groaned. "James!"

"And I lost the Captain's badge which I know I'm supposed to care about but I don't because nothing matters except that I completely devastated my best friend."

He didn't even say anything that time, he just sighed.

"And now pretty much everyone hates me, including myself, so I wrote to you because even though I was a right arsehole to you over Christmas I really had no one else to turn to because I've pushed everyone else in my life away since that's all I'm apparently good for and I'm just really hoping you haven't completely given up on me too," I murmured. Hesitating, I added, "Oh yeah, and Rose apparently slept with Malfoy and our seeker quit today."

That all felt oddly good to get off my chest.

I looked up at Teddy warily who was just staring back at me in shock, blinking vigorously without saying a word.

And then, after a considerable amount of time went by, he sighed, leaned back in his seat and began to speak. "I'm going to pretend you didn't tell me about Rose's sex life because if I don't ignore it I'm going to wind up telling Vic who will then tell everyone and I'd rather not be responsible for Ron going to prison for murdering the Malfoy kid. And after today I can't be all that surprised that your seeker quit on you, no offense, so I'm going to bypass that. Punching a kid clearly didn't make things easier, James, it made them harder but you probably know that. And I'm going to put the whole Fred thing on hold for now because I have a feeling you only said what you did to him because of what he did to you, which isn't right but I have a feeling you've already figured that out, and I would eventually like to get back to that whole Fred-punched-you situation you mentioned earlier but for right now I am just going to ask _what the hell possessed you to kiss your best friend?"_

I was not at all surprised that that was what he wanted to talk about. Locking eyes with him, I said softly, "What possessed you to kiss yours?"

Teddy blinked in surprise, a slight smirk creeping on to his face. "Because I was in love with her."

My chest tightened. "I don't love Alice," I murmured hesitantly.

Or maybe I did and I just didn't know what love was. I didn't know what any of this was. I didn't know what I was feeling or thinking or even what I was supposed to feel or think. I felt lost and confused and completely out of control. My thoughts were consumed by her, my heart longed for her. I felt numb and broken and yet strangely inflated, my mind going a mile a minute with so many different emotions that I never even thought I had.

I just wanted it all to slow down before I found myself wavering at the edge of the cliff just waiting for something, or someone, to push me off.

"Then why'd you do it?" Teddy asked, breaking me away from my thoughts. "Why'd you kiss her?"

And once again I was at a point where I had to explain something that I barely understood myself.

But as I looked up at Teddy, his question swirling around in my head, it hit me that there was a reason I hadn't been looking to understand it. There was a reason I was refusing to admit aloud what my heart was feeling. There was a reason I hadn't been able to tell Alice why I had truly kissed her in the first place.

Because I knew in every inch of my wary heart that Alice Longbottom deserved the very best.

And I certainly wasn't it.

So I couldn't act on what my heart was feeling. I wouldn't. Putting the Code aside, for at this point Quidditch was the last thing on my mind, the truth was she deserved a guy who wouldn't kiss her one night and turn around and sleep with another the next night. She deserved someone who was boyfriend material, not someone who wasn't even sure he ever wanted that. She deserved someone who hadn't spent his entire life swindling the opposite sex. She deserved someone who knew how to love her. She deserved someone who believed in love and who wanted it. She deserved to fall in love, not fall apart. And me? I'd wind up just breaking her.

If I hadn't broken her already.

"I shouldn't have kissed her," I murmured, my heart crumbling at that heavy realization.

Teddy blinked in surprise. "What?"

"I shouldn't have done it," I whispered.

He frowned. "Why do you say that?"

I struggled to find the right words to say to make sense of any of this but I couldn't. "I don't know," I murmured. "It was stupid. We had had a few drinks that night and-"

"No," Teddy cut me off with a sigh. "I don't care how drunk you are, James, you don't kiss your best friend unless you have a reason. And you don't suddenly decide to take it back a few days later just because it didn't work out the way you wanted it to."

"I'm not taking it back because it didn't work out the way I wanted it to," I argued hoarsely, though he wasn't wrong to think that. "Hell, I don't even know how I wanted it to work out."

He sighed. "Then why are you telling me that you shouldn't have kissed her?"

I stared at my now-empty glass, ignoring the ache that spread from my heart into my veins. I said nothing at first, knowing that that ache wasn't going away anytime soon, no matter how much I tried to ignore it. No matter how much I tried to ignore the truth. The truth of who I really was.

"Because, T," I murmured. "I'm the guy who kisses one girl and then sleeps with someone else the very next day."

His eyes held an unexpected sympathy as he stared at me, a frown seeping into his jawline. "And why do you think you did that?"

I shrugged defiantly. "Because the only thing I've ever done consistently in my entire life was be a jackass."

Teddy gaped at me before shaking his head. "You are not a bad person, J. _You aren't_. You are a good person who sometimes makes bad decisions. And yes, sleeping with some random girl the day after you kissed your best friend is one of those bad decisions," he pleaded. "But there's a reason you slept with her. So just tell me. _Just say it_."

"There's nothing to say!" I choked out. "I can't take back what I did and-"

"Would you want to?"

I stared at him irritably. "It doesn't matter!"

" _Of course it bloody matters_."

"No!" I shouted. "It doesn't because even if I could take it back, Alice would still be angry with me, only I wouldn't know why!"

Teddy's eyebrow shot into his forehead. "Alice was angry with you before you slept with some other girl?"

I slumped down in my chair, suddenly wishing I had another firewhisky in front of me. "Angry. Upset. Hurt. Something along those lines."

Teddy looked just as confused as I felt. "Why?"

I stared at him incredulously. "Did I not just say I didn't know why?" I grumbled. "If I knew why, don't you think I would have fixed it instead of sleeping with someone else."

Teddy let out a faint groan as he shook his head. "I'm suddenly very lost."

" _Welcome to my world_."

Teddy appeared to be thinking before he finally spoke. "Did you ever think that maybe she's just scared?"

Those words sent a jolt of cold air to my heart. "No, amazingly enough that thought didn't cross my mind as she was kicking me out of her room," I drawled. "You know who she sees me as, T? Some guy willing to snog and shag anything in sight just to avoid everything else going on in my life."

He hesitated. "Well, do you blame her for thinking that after what happened with you and this Kenley girl?"

"She thought that before I slept with that Kenley girl."

Teddy gave me a look. "That isn't true and you know it."

"It shouldn't be true," I spoke softly. "But that's what she implied."

He blinked in surprise, sitting back in his chair as he carefully studied me, or at least the broken version of me that was sitting across from him.

"Why'd you do it?" he asked me, the question barely above a whisper. "Why'd you kiss her, J?"

My heart clenched. "Will you quit asking me that?" I muttered, slumping down in the booth with a groan.

"Why can't you just answer it?"

" _Why can't you stop asking me_?"

"I'm trying to help!"

"Well, you're not," I seethed, folding my arms defensively across my body.

He sighed. "You say that you don't know why Alice was hurt or angry or upset with you when you kissed her, but have you ever even tried seeing this from her perspective?"

"If I knew her perspective, we wouldn't be having this conversation."

He shot me a look and I could tell his patience was growing thing. "Her best friend just kissed her, James. Her best friend, the womanizer, just kissed her. Her best friend, the womanizer who kisses everything in sight, just kissed _her_. Her best friend, the womanizer who kisses everything in sight and who decided to spring a kiss on her completely unexpectedly while slightly inebriated, just kissed her," he said with a curt shrug. "You blindsided her, James. And you didn't give her any time to think or feel something."

As he spoke, a frustrated dread burrowed in my stomach. "So you think I was just playing games with her, too, is that it? That all I'm good for is a snog or two before I get bored?"

Teddy's lips pursed before he shook his head. "I think that you can't seem to answer the question as to why you kissed her and if _you_ can't even see it then how can you expect her to?"

I could see it. I just didn't want to.

I stared back down at my empty glass, unable to look up and see the desperation in my godbrother's eyes as he tried to help me sort out my own convoluted feelings. Feelings I never knew I could have. Feelings that confused me and scared me and unnerved me because they didn't make sense to me. _None of this made sense to me_.

I didn't even realize I was speaking until the words were already out of my mouth.

"Did you ever think that maybe Alice isn't the only one who's scared?"

I could feel Teddy's eyes on me but I refused to look up from the melting ice in my glass, not sure I wanted to see what might be staring back at me.

"Yeah," he finally said, "Actually that thought did occur to me, J. But that's expected. You don't go from not feeling anything to feeling everything towards your best friend without being a little scared. I get it. Believe me, I do. The very idea of it not working out and losing the girl who has always made your life have meaning is not something you can easily ignore. But there's another possible outcome here, J."

"Death?"

Teddy cracked a smile. "No, but way to be dramatic," he said with a slight chuckle. Leaning in, he said, "The other outcome is you finally getting all of the things you never thought you wanted and yet all the things you've always needed."

If only it was that easy.

"But what if it's not about what I need?" I spoke softly. "What if she deserves something more?"

He looked at me curiously. "More than what?" he asked. "Love?"

I winced. There was that word again.

"More than me," I said, the three words coming out in a husky whisper.

Teddy looked both alarmed and sad by my confession, and I was surprised when he reached over and placed his hand over mine. "You are her best friend, James," he spoke softly, leaning in towards me. "Maybe you have flaws, maybe you're not perfect, maybe you make mistakes, but you never stopped caring about her even when you didn't know to care about yourself. _So don't sell yourself short, J._ I promise you, there is no one else in this world better for her than you."

Except pretty much everyone.

But I realized then as I stared at my godbrother that if I couldn't give her what she deserved then maybe I didn't have to be the guy who had feelings for her. Maybe I could still be the guy who got to be her friend.

If she'll let me.

I finally looked up at him. "What do I do?" I choked out, the desperation seeping into my every word.

Teddy met my gaze with determination and said, "You talk to her."

I sighed. "In case you haven't been listening, Alice and I are very much on non-speaking terms with each other at the moment," I murmured.

"Then fix it."

I let out a slightly exasperated sigh. "How? As excellent as I am at the screwing up part, I'm not so great at the fixing my screw-ups part."

Teddy grimaced. "You've got a lot of messes to clean up, J. But you can't give up on yourself if you don't want her to give up on you."

And then I spoke the words that gave me the most amount of heartache. "I'm pretty sure she already has."

Teddy just shrugged and said, "Then give her a reason to change her mind."

 _Give her a reason to change her mind_.

But how?

"Now," Teddy said with a bit of a smirk on his face, "How about you buy me a drink and then tell me all about this black eye that Freddie gave you."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

 **A/N:** ::ducks as an entire garden full of tomatoes is chucked at me:: I knowwwww, this isn't at all what any of you were expecting. But you didn't really think that James would grow up quite yet, did you? Oh, no, no, no, that will take more time (and probably should take years worth of therapy...). But hey, at least we got some good Teddy advice, aye? I like to call this chapter The Many, and Different, Conversations Between James Potter and his Family. We had Fred (who ended up punching him), we had Lily (who James walked away from), we had Albus (who might actually care about his brother more than he lets on), we had Rose (who seems to be the only person who understands what James really needs right now) and we had Teddy (YAY TEDDY).

The question is, will James listen to Teddy?

Next up: I guess we're about to find out.


	22. Easier to Lie

**A/N:** And once again **soundon** wows me enough with his/her review that I feel compelled to update. I'll admit this review took me a little longer to pinpoint but that's probably because I'm not a huge Prince fan so the words were somewhat unfamiliar to me. But I figured it out eventually and when I did, I sat down and edited this angst-ridden chapter in order to share it with you and everyone else who have made me so happy with their overwhelmingly positive reviews (mostly). So without further ado, I present to you my LONGEST CHAPTER YET.

* * *

 **A WAY WITH WORDS**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 22: Easier To Lie

" _You're the only one, the only one  
Who ever gave a damn  
And it's killing me to know you think  
I'm better than I am  
Came over here to tell the truth  
But looking in your eyes  
Sometimes, it's easier to lie."  
_-Cassadee Pope

* * *

 **XOXOXO**

As I wandered back to the castle through the dank passageway, I couldn't help but replay my conversation with Teddy over and over again in my mind, analyzing every little thing he said. By the time I made my way into the Hogwarts hallways, I had come to the very annoying conclusion that everything Teddy said was right.

Why was everyone else always right? When was I going to be right for once?

I knew that I had dug myself into a very big hole. So big it was almost impossible to crawl out of it. Almost. Which meant I had a chance. A slim one, but a chance nonetheless.

The obvious next step would be to go find Alice and beg her for her forgiveness but I was still at a loss of what to say to her. Hell, I was at a loss of what to even think of her. If I knew where her head, or her heart, was at, it might make things easier for me but not only did I not have a clue, I was too afraid to ask. I was well aware that I owed her an apology. A big one. And if I knew where to start, maybe she'd be the first person I'd seek out. But I didn't know where to start.

Was I supposed to apologize for kissing her? For not telling her why I did it? For telling her it was a mistake? Or was I just supposed to apologize for kissing her one day and then shagging some other girl the next?

Or maybe the real question here was how the hell did I land myself in such hot water?

I blamed Fred.

Okay, not really, but it would be so easy to do so. He was the one that started me down the path of my downward spiral. That same downward spiral that led me to the hollow pits of my heart where evidently feelings for my best friend had been festering for years unbeknownst to me.

I so wish they were still unbeknownst to me.

I think.

As I finally made my way into the Hogwarts castle, after nearly an hour alone with my thoughts, I was nowhere near coming up with the solutions to any of my problems. But the one thing I did know was that I couldn't hide from them anymore.

I wandered into the Gryffindor common room into one hell of a subdued party. If the word party could even really be used. Some liquor bottles laid abandoned and the radio still played some music but other than that, it looked like any other night in the Gryffindor Tower. Evidently I wasn't the only one who thought Gryffindor's win wasn't completely deserved.

I noticed my sister chatting with CJ out of the corner of my eye and it didn't take her long for me to notice me, too. She quickly excused herself and made her way over to me. "And where exactly have you been all day?"

I didn't even know where to start. So instead, I said, "I'm sorry."

She looked momentarily perplexed. "For what?" she drawled. "Rushing off the pitch today to leave me alone to deal with the parental units?"

I winced. I didn't even think about that. "Er…no," I muttered. Hesitating, I said, "Well, now I am."

"They are so worried about you, James," she pleaded. "And frankly, so am I. No offense but you played your worst game ever today and-"

"Lils," I interrupted, holding up my hand to cut her off. "I know I've been acting like a bit of a ponce lately. I've been withdrawn and self-destructive and rebellious and moody and I've jumped down your throat way too many times to count this week when all you've tried to do it help. Just know that even when I don't always act like it, I do appreciate you always being there for me."

She gaped at me, her eyes blinking in surprise. "Okay, seriously, where were you all day?"

I chuckled, not at all surprised by that response as she had to assume there was a reason for my sudden 180-degree change. "With Teddy."

Her eyebrows popped up. "Like…Teddy Teddy? Our Teddy?"

"No, with a teddy bear I found abandoned in a quiet hallway," I drawled. " _Yes, our Teddy_."

She rolled her eyes. "So basically you snuck out of the castle."

I hesitated. "Well, whatdya know, I wasn't done with my rebellious ways," I teased. With a shrug, I added, "Oh, and don't worry about the parental units. Teddy said he'd talk to them so that should keep them complacent for a while."

"Hm," Lily mused with a curious smirk, "And exactly what is Teddy going to tell them to ease their minds?"

"That I've been acting like a bit of a ponce lately. Has that not already been established?"

She punched me in the arm and I just laughed. "He's going to tell them that I'm going to be fine," I said with a lopsided smile. "And they're going to believe him because that's the truth."

She looked unconvinced. "Not to remind you of all the things falling apart in your life, but you are aware that you are kinda friendless at the moment, aren't you?"

"Not true," I huffed. "I have you."

She looked torn between being flattered and annoyed. "I'm your sister. I don't count as your friend."

"Well, that's a mean thing to say," I huffed.

"Stop complimenting me, it's weird," she whined and that only made me laugh. "How are you going to make things okay again, James?"

I paused, but only for a moment before saying, "Guess I'm hopping aboard an apology train."

Lily smiled. "Considering you already apologized to me, seems to me you're already on it."

She winked and then walked away, leaving me alone to scan the room for familiar faces. I couldn't be sure who I was searching for but my gaze stopped on Rose in the corner chatting with Harley so I made my way over to the pair. She wasn't a part of the apology tour but she was the one who gave me the unknowing push towards Teddy so I thought she deserved an update.

My cousin glanced up when she noticed me approaching, saying almost immediately, "So did you write to Teddy?"

"I-" I said before blinking. "How the hell did you know it was him I was planning to write to?"

She smiled up at me. "Well, who else would you be writing to?"

Yeah, she was definitely the perceptive one in the family.

Shaking my head in slight awe, I said, "Yeah, I wrote to him. And we talked. It was good. I needed it."

She looked at me, her eyes beginning to narrow. "You…talked," she spoke suspiciously.

"Yes, it's this thing people do with each other where one person says something and then the next person speaks. It's a new phenomenon. Really taking off."

Harley tried to stifle a laugh and failed, earning her a look from her friend. "Yes, thank you for that very descriptive analysis of what _talking_ is," she drawled, "But how exactly do to people talk to each other when one is here in Scotland and the other is all the way in London."

I hesitated. "Would you believe me if I said telepathy was involved?"

"No."

"Then I take it back. We didn't talk."

Harley didn't even try to disguise her laughter that time but this time Rose ignored it to glare at me, "You snuck out of the castle, didn't you."

"Nope, don't know what you're taking about."

She groaned. "You really are the King of Bad Decisions."

"Oh, no, that wasn't a bad decision, that was a good one," I teased.

"Which means you did in fact sneak out of the castle."

Oh, right.

I smiled down at her. "Nope, don't know what you're talking about."

She rolled her eyes. "I should have known that you writing to Teddy would have him persuading you to sneak out of the castle."

"When have I ever needed to be persuaded to sneak out, Roe?" I laughed.

She shook her head though I swear the edges of her lip were twitching upward so I had to imagine she wasn't all that annoyed with me. She loved to play the role of the straight-laced prefect but we all knew she had the ability to be lenient at times.

Harley spoke next, changing the subject. "So there's a rumor going around the common room."

Great, what did I do this time?

"Dare I ask what about?" I sighed.

Harley looked up at me with a hesitant grimace. "That a certain bitchy sixth-year we all unfortunately know up and quit your precious Quidditch team."

I sighed at the very reminder. "Interesting, I didn't realize Rose was on the team."

Rose kicked me in the shins. " _Not me, you prat_ ," she groaned. "Your actual seeker!"

"Not anymore apparently," Harley added.

And once again, thank you for that reminder, Harley.

I sighed. "That rumor happens to be true," I muttered. "Spread the word that we're looking for a new one."

The two of them shared a look, one filled with uneasiness, before Rose spoke up. "What about Lily?"

"The girl who's dating one of the other team members?" I drawled. "Uh, hi, do you not remember the whole Fred-Code debacle?"

"Oh," Rose said sheepishly. "Right."

Hesitating, I said, "I wonder if it's too late to kick CJ off the team."

Both Rose and Harley made identical noises of protest. "For what?" Rose groaned. "Fornicating with your sister?"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, _whoa_!" I gasped. " _Who said anything about fornicating_?"

"Yeah, you walked right into that one," Harley muttered to Rose.

"Oh, relax," Rose said, rolling her eyes at me. "I was exaggerating."

Ignoring her, I whirled around and caught CJ in the corner looking a little too cozy with my sister. "Wood, you're a dead man!"

He looked up, alarmed, before jumping up with a squeak. "Eep, that's my cue to leave!"

And with that, he took off towards the boys stairwell and dashed off.

I could see Lily's glare even from across the room. "WAS THAT BLOODY NECESSARY?"

I just grinned. Maybe nothing else was going right in my life but at least I could always count on my ability to scare away Lily's suitors.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I finally made my way up to my room, suddenly feeling quite exhausted. I had been seriously hoping for an empty room but just my luck, Parker freaking Jessup was there and he was alone.

He glanced up from his textbook (because he was a bloody bore who was studying on a Saturday night) and immediately broke out into a laugh. "Did you forget how to play Quidditch, Potter?"

"Those are some big words from a guy who can't stay on a broom for longer than three fucking seconds."

He pushed his textbook aside, a smirk resting on his annoying face. "I have to say, it is so incredibly fun watching your downfall. How does it feel to know you have no one in your corner anymore?"

"I suppose I could just ask you considering not a single person in this school likes you," I sneered, heading towards the bathroom.

"At least I'm not Public Enemy #1."

"You looking to get your face bashed in, Jessup?"

A new voice chimed in. "I was really hoping you'd be over your punching-people phase."

Both Parker and I swiveled our heads towards the door as Dash walked in. "Jessup doesn't count as people. He's a soul-sucking leper at the very most," I drawled.

"Oh, and I suppose you're all that and a bag of crisps just because you're the son of some uninspiring war hero?"

"'Uninspiring?'" I snorted. "There's a whole bloody day dedicated to him in May for his war efforts. The only thing your father is celebrated for is thankfully not procreating after the dud he was given as his first child."

His eyes narrowed. "You don't know a damned thing about my family, Potter."

"Good. The less I know about a prat like you the better."

His glare suddenly turned into a full-out smirk and I didn't like it one bit. "You may think I'm a prat, Potter, but Shayne doesn't since she just agreed to go on a date with me."

"What?" I said.

" _What_?" Dash screeched.

Parker smiled smugly. "That's right. We're going out next week. Should be a fun time."

" _Why you little-"_

I actually had to hold the back of Dash's sweater to stop him from lunging at the prefect. It was a strange turn of events, being on the end of stopping a fight. "You're either lying, Jessup, or Winters is only trying to make Dash jealous, so I wouldn't look so smug about this if I were you," I sneered at him before steering Dash out of the room and slamming the door behind me.

"You should have let me punch him!"

I shrugged. "As much as he deserves it, we don't need two of us in our room to turn into boxers for a living. Let's leave the punching people to me."

Dash sighed. "Do you think it's true?"

I hesitated before shrugging. "You want me to ask Shayne about it?"

Dash ran his fingers through his hair before slowly shaking his head. "No, I'll do it."

Good because I had enough problems on my own without trying to add Dash's problems to the mix.

"So, finally came out of hiding, hm?"

I glanced over at Dash's curious expression. "I needed some time."

"You've been MIA for four days straight. How much time did you need?"

"Four days apparently."

He rolled his eyes. "Look," he sighed, "I know that we are roommates more than we are friends, but I really didn't like seeing-"

"You don't consider me a friend?" I asked, surprised.

He hesitated. "Actually, I don't' think you consider me a friend."

I gaped at him. "What?" was all I could think of to say.

He shrugged. "I mean, we're friendly. We get along. We're certainly more than acquaintances. But your only two real friends are Alice and Fred."

I blinked. "Were."

"Excuse me?"

"My only two friends _were_ Alice and Fred," I muttered, that harsh reality hitting me a little too hard.

Dash slowly shook his head. "You'll get them back."

If only I could be that optimistic.

"What makes you say that?" I asked cautiously.

He shrugged. "Because I think we both know your life isn't complete without them."

I thought of the precarious situation I was in with both of them. With Fred, so much of me was still angry with him for all the mistakes he made with me and yet after my talk with Teddy, I found myself suddenly less resentful towards all the things that had once made me that way. Resentment was something that came easy for me, probably with years worth of practice. So maybe there were times I overreacted. Maybe I took things more personally than most people would. Maybe my trust issues were far more pronounced than even I realized. But that didn't mean I could just easily forgive Fred for lying to me for four months about Ryleigh, keeping me in the dark about him and Hattie, and ultimately putting my Quidditch team, and my Quidditch dreams, in serious jeopardy. Especially since apologizing seemed to be something he was apparently unable to do. Not to mention, he seemed very unaffected by our lack of friendship which I could pretend didn't bother me but the truth was, it was probably the thing that bothered me the most.

So maybe I could make the first move with him. Maybe I could try to patch things up. Maybe I could apologize for making things worse. Maybe I could be the one to extend the olive branch.

Or maybe I could wait for him to come to me.

I was very much in the winging-it stage with him.

With Alice, I wasn't in any stage.

It was laughable to think that she would come to me first. I knew that wasn't a possibility. If I wanted things to be right again, I'd have to be the one to make the first move. The only move. I just wish I knew what that move was.

Glancing up at Dash, who appeared to look very curious as to how I'd respond, I decided not responding to his comment at all was the only way to go. "You're not just a roommate to me, Dash," I sighed. "I consider you a friend."

He looked surprised and yet flattered by those words. "That's…really nice of you say," he said, his cheeks turning pink.

I just shrugged, offering him what I could only describe as an awkward smile.

"So you're just not going to comment on that whole 'your life isn't complete without Alice and Fred' remark I made?" Dash smirked.

"I take it back. We're not friends."

He just laughed.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I tossed and turned the whole night and eventually gave up around seven in the morning. Crawling out of bed, I noticed that Fred's bed was empty. I had to imagine he hadn't suddenly decided to be an early riser so my assumption was he was sleeping in Ryleigh's bed.

As I slunk into the bathroom, it hit me that that might have been the first time I thought of Ryleigh without immediately recoiling in irritation.

Guess talking to Teddy really did put things into perspective for me.

I threw on my usual workout gear and trekked through the castle, coming across no one though that was hardly a surprise so early on a Sunday morning, before pushing open the wrought-iron gates to the outdoors. A blast of cold air hit my face and it was so unexpected that I let out a string of curse words. Rushing across the snow-covered grounds, I entered the gate to the Quidditch pitch and took an immediate right towards the clubhouse. Entering, I welcomed the warmth that greeted me. But that wasn't the only thing that greeted me.

"James?"

I yelped and turned to my right towards the unexpected voice. "Jax?" I said, surprised. "What the hell are you doing up at seven in the morning?"

"It's seven-twenty."

I stared at him. "Really. You're correcting the time by twenty minutes?"

Jax shrugged. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm noticing you didn't answer my question."

He just shrugged again and I had a feeling that whatever he was really doing there, he wasn't inclined to discussing with me. "Just needed to fly."

By eyebrow shot upward. "But you're not flying."

He was getting really good at shrugging. "Okay, so what I really wanted was fresh air."

"But you're inside."

He shot me a look. "Now who's doing the correcting?" he growled.

I offered him a slight smile before joining him on the bench. I noticed he was wearing a pair of jeans which told me that he had not in fact been planning to fly. Taking a wild guess, I said, "Whenever I just need a moment away from everything else going on around me, this is where I end up."

Surprise and yet understanding flickered in his grey eyes. "Why are you telling me this?"

"You asked me what I was doing here."

"Oh," he said sheepishly. "Right."

"But something tells me you might be here for the same reason."

He frowned, straying his eyes from mine as he stared up at the row of lockers in front of him. Silence filled the room, save for the sound of the cutting wind tapping against the windows, and it started to feel almost peaceful before Jax broke it. "I'm not surprised Sadie quit," he muttered.

"Nor am I," I admitted.

"We're supposed to be the best team in the school."

I winced. "And I played like shit yesterday."

He looked at me. "It's not just you, James," he argued. "It's everyone. It's Fred and it's AliCat and it's me. And it's affecting the rest of the team, too. None of us are playing our best because none of us are playing like a team."

I knew he wasn't trying to blame me but that didn't stop me from blaming me. "Is this why you're out here so early? Because you're worried about the team?"

"No, I'm worried about you."

I blinked. "What?"

Jax turned to face me. "You're not you without Fred and AliCat, James."

I was surprised and yet strangely flattered that Jax seemed to be so affected by my conflict with my two friends. "I know," I murmured with a curt nod. "I'm…working on it."

His eyebrow popped up. "Really?"

"Trying to."

He smiled but that seemed to fade into a hesitant frown. "You've been taking a lot of ridicule for things that aren't completely your fault."

I blinked. "What?"

He shrugged. "Fred started the war. You just started your own battle."

I stared at him. "And again, I say _what_?"

He just laughed. "Maybe you're okay blaming everything on yourself but I'm not. You and AliCat aside, Fred was the one who put our team in jeopardy first so I understand your hesitation to make things right with him. I just hope eventually you stop hesitating and realize that you really do need the guy in your life."

I stared at him in awe. "You…" I trailed off, shaking my head from side to side in disbelief, "You actually think I'm not the only one to blame for everything?"

"I know you're not."

With an appreciative smile, I threw my arm around his shoulder and said, "Y'know, Jax, I have an opening for a new best mate. You want it?"

He shoved me away with a laugh. "I think you're better off trying to get that back from Fred and AliCat."

If only it was that easy.

"But you consider us friends, right?" I questioned hesitantly.

He looked at me warily. "Er…yeah. I guess. Why?"

"That didn't sound very convincing."

He chuckled, almost nervously. "I mean, we get along. We're friendly. More than-"

"Don't say acquaintances," I groaned, thinking back to Dash's words from the night before.

"I was going to say teammates," he said sheepishly.

I made a face. I knew I was good at pushing people away but I didn't realize just how skilled I was at keeping those who weren't Alice and Fred at more than an arm's length.

As much as I missed having those two in my life, the way things used to be, I knew that there was so much more to me and my life than those two. I had so many people who genuinely cared about me and my wellbeing, some who were members of my family and some who weren't, and maybe it was time I stopped convincing myself I was completely alone in the world when I didn't have to be. I had people who were rooting for me. I had people in my corner. I had people who mattered. _I had people who cared_. I just needed to let them.

"I need you to do me a favor, Jax."

He eyed me suspiciously. "Is it make Bishop quit? No, wait, _she already did that_."

I winced. "That's kinda what I need to talk to the team about."

He sighed. "Er…in case you forgot, no one on the team is particularly pleased with you at the moment."

"I know," I spoke softly, shivering even though I wasn't cold. "That's why I need you to convince them to meet me in the Clock Tower at four o'clock today."

His eyes held reluctance. "They might not want to give you the time of day."

I was far too aware of that fact. "I know," I murmured. "And I am fully expecting that none of them will show up. But I think they'd be more inclined if it came from you than me. And I need to at least try this."

"Try what exactly?"

Choo-choo. "To apologize."

He looked both impressed and hesitant. "Well, I can try to convince them to show up but that might be asking for a miracle."

"If this works, I'll change your nickname from Blockhead to Mr. Miracle Man."

He let out a laugh. "Am I supposed to want that nickname?"

"I'd assume you'd take anything over Blockhead."

He paused. "Mr. Miracle Man it is."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

It was four-thirty and I was pacing around the Clock Tower with a jar of blue flames in my hand, trying to ignore the heavy winds that seemed to be making the inside of the Clock Tower far more frigid than I could ever remember.

Or maybe it was just my heart that was frigid.

It was a half hour after I had called for the team meeting. Or called for a general meeting as I could only really call a Team Meeting if I was the Captain. Which I wasn't.

I had all but given up on all of them when I heard footsteps on the hallway below me. Surprised and yet grateful, I looked up as all of them ascended the stairs and dropped on to various parts of the floor and the open window ledges.

All of them.

Sure, Fred and Alice refused to look at me, but they were there, so that was a start, right?

"I didn't think any of you would come," I said softly.

No one said a word.

I was already off to a bad start.

"Uh, okay, so you're probably all wondering why I've asked you here today," I started, my heart suddenly beginning to race.

"I'm kinda hoping you found a way to convince Bishop to stay on as seeker," Cass spoke, the faintest bit of bitterness in her tone.

"Er…no."

"Bollocks."

I was currently standing but I thought it was better to sit down amongst them, not wanting any of them to assume that I was trying to play the role of Captain when I not only lost the title but deserved to lose it. So with a sigh, I leaned up against the window ledge beside Jax, who offered me a small smile.

"I screwed up," I began. "I hurt a friend and a member of this team because in a moment of surprise weakness, I felt betrayed and I was angry. I hurt another friend and a member of this team when I made her feel like I didn't care about her. I inadvertently hurt another member of this team and she quit. But the thing I screwed up the most was letting my personal problems affect how I played the game because in the end, that ended up hurting all of you."

They all looked around at each other, clearly wondering what each other was thinking.

I continued. "I told you all in the beginning of the year to put all the drama behind you when you walk on the field and I did the exact opposite yesterday. I brought it with me through every second of our match. And it made me realize that it's a lot easier saying leave it at the gate than it is actually doing it. You can't shut off life. It'll always be there. But that doesn't mean I should have ever let it overtake me. And that doesn't mean I should have ever let it overtake this team. You all deserve better than the chaser I've been. Hell, you all deserve better than the person I've been. And honestly, if we could afford losing another chaser, I'd bench myself in a heartbeat for my less than admirable behavior, for putting this team in serious jeopardy, but I think that would just be leaving you at another disadvantage and that's really what I'm trying to avoid here."

Silence followed. No one said anything. They all glanced around at each other, most with wariness in their eyes, so I had to assume that they were at least listening.

It was Jax who finally spoke. "I love how your apology ended with a pat on _your_ back."

I blinked and then groaned. "I didn't mean it like that!"

He smirked. "I know but I couldn't not point that out."

CJ, Hugo, and Cass laughed so I took that as a good sign.

Fred and Alice did not.

I continued, albeit reluctantly. "If you really want me to quit, just say the word and I'll do it."

"Quit," Fred said irritably.

I had a feeling Alice would have said the same thing had she actually been speaking to me.

"Says the guy who got his arse benched," Jax shot back at Fred.

"For liking a girl!" Fred groaned.

"For liking a girl who played Quidditch," he snapped.

"Wow, really? We're focusing on me right now and not Mr. Prick Potter himself who nearly _lost us the match yesterday_?"

"Yeah, and how did your performance go yesterday?" CJ chimed in with an unexpected snarl to his tone. "No, wait, _you were on the bench_."

Damn, guess Jax and I weren't the only ones who thought Fred held some blame for our team problems.

Fred glared at him. "Keep talking, fourth year, and I'll have no problem writing my uncle to inform him that his daughter was caught in a storage closet with your hand up her shirt."

" _Your hand was where_!?" I barked at CJ.

CJ turned the brightest color of red I had ever seen. Cass leaned over to pat him on the shoulder. "I'm pretty sure that totally backfired on you, Wood."

CJ just glared at her, who ignored him to turn to me and ask, "Any chance that in this apology of yours, James, you're going to tell us what's going on with you and AliCat?"

"No," I drawled.

She sighed. "Yeah, I thought that might be wishful thinking."

"Can we get back to the matter at hand?"

Alice finally said her first words of the afternoon.

And they weren't "I hate you, I hope you die, Potter" so I considered that a win.

"And no, I'm not talking about Potter's half-assed apology," she drawled.

Okay so 'win' was a strong word.

"We all know the real reason you're here is because I asked you to be in order to discuss our game-plan after losing Sadie," she continued, her voice strained with bitterness.

My heart sank. None of them had showed up for me at all.

Why hadn't I seen that one coming?

"I've already spoken to my dad. We have the pitch next Saturday for tryouts," she explained. "Cass and CJ already agreed to make signs and place them in the common room but we all know that word of mouth is really the only way information gets out around here so please just tell every Gryffindor you pass in the hallway that we are in desperate need of a seeker. And yes, emphasize the word 'desperate' all you want because we so are."

"Too bad Lily's dating one of our players," Fred muttered. "She'd be a shoe-in."

"Oh, so _now_ you remember the Code rules," Jax snorted.

Fred glared at him. "What's your problem with me, Bloch?"

"Did you or did you not completely dick over our team?" Jax snarled.

I could spot a fight breaking out a mile away.

Fred's eyes burned with rage. "How the hell are you even still pissed about that after Potter's horrendous performance yesterday?"

" _Because at least he had a performance,_ " Jax snapped, jumping off the window ledge in surprise rage. "All your sorry arse did was warm up the goddamned bench because _you screwed us over first_."

"You're really starting to test my patience, Bloch," Fred seethed, climbing off the floor and making his way towards Jax.

The guy had balls, I'll give him that. Jax was at least twice the size of Fred with the muscles to show for it.

"And you've already tested mine!" Jax exploded, his shrieks bouncing off the walls. "You went and dated a Quidditch player and instead of just admitting it four months ago, instead of just telling us what was going on so we could calmly and rashly figure out a permanent fix for the year, you decided to lie to all of us and hope for the best, just to have your secret exposed _a week before our next match!_ Do you not get how shitty that timing was? Do you not get how much damage you caused this team? _Do you not get that you haven't once had the decency to apologize to us for it_?"

Couldn't have said it better myself.

Jax glared at Fred, and Fred went from glaring at Jax to sporting a rather surprised look on his face.

Tense silence filled the room as the rest of us exchanged a flurry of knowing looks with one another, the admiration on everyone's faces telling me that none of them disagreed with Jax.

Maybe I wasn't the only Bad Guy here.

"Oh" was what Fred eventually said.

"Yeah," Jax muttered, folding his arms stubbornly across his body. " _Oh_."

Fred glanced around at the group, one by one, before settling his gaze on me. He said nothing at first, just looked at me as the surprise guilt settled into his remorseful gaze. "I never apologized to the team," he said softly.

Well, I'll be damned, it looked like Fred was finally getting it.

I met his gaze, the tension in the air suddenly very thick. "You never apologized to the team."

An intense silence of overwhelming discomfort crept into the Clock Tower as we all focused our attention on to the former beater.

"Shit," he exhaled, running his fingers through his head with a grimace. "I-I had been so worried about Ryleigh in the hospital wing and then the Roast happened and I was angry and I-I just…" he trailed off, shaking his head at himself. With a sigh, he said, "I never apologized."

"Yeah, I believe that's already been established," Jax drawled.

Another awkward silence filled the room and I found myself slightly amused at how uncomfortable Fred looked.

Glancing around the room again, Fred spoke. "It's not too late, is it?" he questioned.

We all exchanged looks before Jax spoke up with a teasing grin. "Make it a better apology than James' and it won't be."

How did this get turned around on me?

Fred said nothing at first, looking more bashful than I could ever remember him being. But then he sighed and began. "I know that most of you know me as a bit of a womanizing snake and I can't even argue that point," he murmured with a shameful shrug. "But something about Ryleigh made me want to change. I didn't see it at first. But when I did, I should have stopped it knowing what the Code rules were and I didn't. And when we became something, I should have come clean. We both should have. We should have given you some time to come up with a backup plan and we didn't. We were naïve to think we could keep it a secret and we were even more naïve to think that when it got out, shit wouldn't hit the fan. But it did. And she and I are entirely to blame for that. Our intention wasn't to put ourselves first. Our intention wasn't to hurt our teammates. Our intention wasn't to turn our backs on anyone. Our intention wasn't to choose a relationship over our team. And yet, that's exactly what we did. And now I'm sitting on the bench and I am just so thankful that Hugo is a decent replacement for me so that you're not all left at an abysmal disadvantage, but I also know that it's a disadvantage nonetheless. I'm sorry for lying to you. I'm sorry for keeping it a secret. I'm sorry for putting this team in jeopardy. But what I'm most sorry for is never telling you before now just how sorry I really am."

He was staring at his feet when he finished, all while the rest of us stared at him without saying anything.

Jax eventually smiled and said, "Okay, you win. That was a better apology than James' was."

No seriously, how did this get turned around on me?

Fred met Jax's grinning face and he grinned himself. "I think you might actually miss me as your partner in crime, Beater #2."

"Oy, make that Beater #1 now that you're Benchwarmer #1."

Fred scowled and tried to protest but he was drowned out by our laughter.

"Well, with that now out of the way," Alice said, climbing off the floor and clapping Fred on the back. "Meeting adjourned."

And with that, she walked out.

Well, I think it's safe to say that I had found out what the ultimate torture tool was. Put yourself in the same room as a girl whose heart you broke, the same girl that you had unexpected and intense feelings for, and have her not say a word to you or even look at you the entire time.

As the rest of the team picked themselves off the floor and made their way towards the stairs, Jax came up beside me. "Remember how this morning you said you were working on making things right with Fred and AliCat again?"

I looked at him warily. "Er…yeah."

"Well, work faster."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

When I got back to my bedroom, it was empty and I let out a sigh of relief as I dropped on to my bed with a sigh. The meeting with the team hadn't exactly gone as planned but it hadn't been a complete disaster either. I think most of the team had not only listened to what I had to say but really heard me and I hoped it was enough to start earning their trust back. I knew there were so many other puzzle pieces that needed to come together before we could be the united team we used to be but at least we were headed in the right direction.

I opened my bedside table and stared down at the playbook. I didn't pull it out, just looked at it for a few brief seconds before realizing that I didn't have it in me to try and finetune some of the strategies I had been recently working on. They all included the beaters and/or the chasers and the whole time, I'd just be picturing Fred and Alice when one of them wasn't even on the starting team anymore and the other wasn't too keen on listening to me, or even just looking my way.

So I did the unthinkable and reached for my Herbology homework.

That's what Fred found me doing when he walked into the room roughly fifteen minutes later.

He glanced my way for only a second but doubled back quickly, staring at the textbook beside me. "You're doing actual work?"

"I know. Color me shocked," I murmured.

He frowned but said nothing more as he shuffled over to his own bed. Peeling off his sweatshirt, he tossed it on to his desk chair and lay down on his bed with a yawn. He gazed up towards the ceiling and even from across the room I could see an intense amount of guilt hiding behind his guarded eyes.

"Hey, James?"

I looked up from my notes. "Yeah?"

There was a slight pause before he said, "I know I already apologized to the team but you deserve your own apology."

My mouth parted. "Oh?"

Fred looked mighty uncomfortable as he shifted his weight slightly on the bed, his eyes still staring up at the ceiling instead of at me. "I had apologized to the friend in you for keeping my relationship a secret, though I admit now it wasn't the best of apologies. But the thing I never did was apologize to the Quidditch Captain in you."

He sounded heartfelt. Perhaps he was finally taking some accountability for his own actions.

"I know how important Quidditch is to you," he mumbled. "I know it's practically your whole life. You've worked hard to get where you are and you'll continue to work hard because this is what you want to do with your life. It isn't a game to you. It's your future. It's your dream. And in a matter of seconds, I really screwed up your chances of making that dream come true. So as your teammate, I'm sorry for that. And as your friend, I really should have known better."

My heart inexplicably tightened at the humbling words that Fred spoke so carefully and selflessly. I knew perfectly well that I was to blame for some of the cracks in our friendship but I appreciated the fact that Fred was finally realizing that he provided his own cracks.

"Thank you, Fred," I said honestly in a quiet murmur. "That means a lot."

He nodded though his eyes still stayed focused on the ceiling.

"I'm sorry, too," I found myself blurting out.

He blinked and finally turned towards me. "You are?"

I still felt hurt for the many betrayals of Fred Weasley, probably always would be, but that did not justify what I said to him. I attacked him at my own point of weakness. I degraded him and his family, a family that happened to be mine as well, because of my own trust issues. And I owed Fred an apology for my part in our feud because even though I didn't deserve to be backstabbed by him, he also didn't deserve it from me.

"I went into the Roast that night as the Captain of a team who just got betrayed by one of their own players," I murmured. "I was there to uphold a Quidditch tradition. I was angry at the timing of the situation and thought you deserved a little bit of what was coming for you. But when Hattie said that you two had slept together, I went from being a betrayed Quidditch Captain to suddenly becoming a betrayed friend, forgetting about Quidditch altogether. In that moment, I had just wanted to say anything I could to destroy you. Not the team member who screwed _us_ over but the friend who screwed _me_ over. And God, if I could take back everything I said, I would. I really would. It shouldn't have mattered what I was feeling or thinking, _I shouldn't have attacked my own family_. I shouldn't have attacked my cousin and I shouldn't have attacked my friend. I shouldn't have attacked _you_. I was trying to intentionally hurt you even though you never intentionally tried to hurt me. And for that, I'm sorry."

It was his turn to gape at me and I could see in his hesitant eyes that he was just as appreciative of my apology as I was his. "That was a better apology than the one you gave the team," he said with a lopsided smile.

I shrugged. "Yeah, well, apologies aren't really my thing."

"You're better at them than you think."

I met his gaze and in that small, somewhat insignificant moment in the grander scheme of themes, I had a feeling that Fred and I might just make it out of this alive.

"I should have told you about Hattie when it happened," Fred murmured.

I glanced over at him and nodded. "Yeah, you should have."

He sighed. Peeking an eye over at me, he asked, "Would you have been pissed at me?"

I considered the question. "I don't know. Probably not. It's not like I had any claim over her. At the time, she and I were just having our fun. It didn't mean anything," I said with a shrug. Hesitating, I added, "At the time."

Curiosity flickered in his eyes. "But now it matters?"

I swiftly turned my gaze away from him. "Yeah," I muttered. "Now it matters."

I heard him sigh. "Because you ended up liking her?"

With a frown, I dropped my head back against my pillow and stared up at the cracks of the ceiling. "No, not because of that," I admitted aloud.

There was a long pause before Fred said, "Then why?"

I said nothing at first, counting the various cracks above me as I wrapped my head around the blunt truth rolling around in my mind. A slow ache bubbled inside of my chest as I said, "I don't trust a lot of people, Fred. But I trusted you."

The silence lingered on, lurching towards the realm of taunting, before he finally spoke again. "And I totally betrayed that trust," he spoke, his voice full of sudden awe. "In more ways than one."

I said nothing but I didn't have to.

"Good Godric," he groaned under his breath, "That's what all of this was about, wasn't it. It was never about Ryleigh or Quidditch or Hattie. It was about trust. Or, really, mistrust. It was about the lies and the deception."

He was getting dangerously close to exposing the biggest insecurity I had always pretended to ignore.

"You felt betrayed by me the exact same way you felt betrayed by your father six years ago."

And there it was.

I didn't have to say anything. I just glanced over at him, the answer written all over my face.

"Well, fuck," he grunted, shaking his head in bewildering understanding. "Of course you felt that way. Keeping secrets is one thing you don't appreciate or even really tolerate. You never have. And that's all I've been doing. _Fuck_."

"Fred, it's fine," I interrupted before he started to really beat himself up over it.

"No, it's not," he sighed. "Bloody Merlin, here I am walking around the school as if I don't give a shit about what happened between us, telling you that you're no longer my friend or cousin or teammate, that you're nothing to me, here I am blaming you for the end of our friendship, when all this time, I was the one who started this mess. Fucking hell, why didn't you smack me around a bit and tell me to stop being so damned selfish?"

I hesitated. "Would that have worked?"

He let out a chuckle. "No, probably not. In fact, I might have punched you again," he said lightly before his smile faded into a guilty frown. "Look, I'm sorry that I ever gave you a reason, or multiple reasons, to feel as if you never should have trusted me in the first place."

I wasn't entirely surprised he picked up on that, that he recognized that it wasn't all about the knife he stabbed through my back, that it also had to do with that knife leaving me wondering if I would have been better off never letting Fred in at all.

"That had never been my intention," Fred continued when he had my full attention. "I never meant to make you feel as if I turned my back on you or this friendship. I never meant to make you think I didn't care. I never meant to make you feel as if I was just another member of your family who was so keen on hurting you. I'm sorry. I never meant to give you a reason to think that you weren't my best mate."

When I slowly turned my gaze on him and saw the regret staring back at me, I knew he finally understood why I had felt so betrayed. If he hadn't been my best mate of almost eighteen years, he might never have realized it. And I might never have told him. But was my friend of eighteen years and even though we didn't always talk about what we were feeling, he knew. He had always known. And I knew then that if my option was to either let him in or let him go, I wanted the first choice every single time.

"You're really good at this apology thing," I said with a chuckle.

He offered me a lopsided smile. "You could be, too, if you apologized to the person that probably deserves one most of all."

I frowned.

"I was talking about AliCat, if that wasn't clear."

I shot him a look. "No, I pretty much got that."

When I said nothing more, he groaned. "Seriously? That's all you're going to say?"

"Can we just leave her out of this?" I muttered, shaking my head at him. "This is about you and me, not her."

He growled. "Oh, don't give me that. You and I are going to be just fine. It's you and her I'm worried-"

"Really?"

He rolled his eyes. "Yes, really. I forgive you, you forgive me. We can move-"

"Did I ever actually say I forgive you?"

He blinked. "You don't?"

I hadn't meant to say it and as I thought about it I knew that I had forgiven him before the end of his apology even came for all I had ever really wanted was for him to understand exactly what he had done to wrong me. And not only did he understand, he felt genuine remorse for it.

"No, I do," I said with a teasing grin, "But it's kinda fun watching you squirm."

"Okay, that's it, I'm taking back my own forgiveness."

I just laughed and hoped that that banter was enough to make Fred forget about his desire to talk about Alice.

It didn't.

"I know you want to apologize to AliCat, James. Maybe you don't know where to start, but I know you want to," he said softly. "Because we both know that very little else matters if you don't have her in your life, so-"

"You don't think I know that?" I practically pleaded, the desperation sounding just a bit too pronounced. "You don't think I realize that my life literally has _no meaning_ without her?"

He gaped at me, the confusion bouncing off his blinking eyes. "And yet…you're still just sitting there and not chasing after her."

I squeezed my eyes shut with a groan. "Because I don't even know what I'd be apologizing for," I muttered. "For kissing her? For not talking to her about it? For sleeping with someone else? Please, enlighten me, Fred, what am I supposed to feel guilty about?"

" _All of it_."

He was right but that didn't mean I fully understood it.

My eyes fluttered open as I dared to look over at my cousin. I saw the frustration staring back at me and I wish he could get inside my head to try to understand just how confused and lost I felt over what my heart was feeling. What my heart shouldn't be feeling. It was like my head and my heart were at odds with each other, conflicting emotions battling it out for the right kind of power, and I was having an incredibly tough time just trying to distinguish what was real and what wasn't.

"What's the point?" I found myself saying in a hoarse whisper. "It's not like any of it would make a difference. It…can't make a difference. So what's the point?"

He stared at me, incredulity resting in his indignant eyes. "What's the _point_?" he hissed. "The point is she deserves a bloody explanation from why you are toying with her every emotion!"

"No, she deserves a hell of a lot more than that and I can't bloody give that to her!"

He gaped at me, our eyes meeting across the room.

"Because…" he trailed off in slight bewilderment. "Because of the Code?"

Fuck, how could I forget about the Code?

"No, although you bring up a good point," I muttered.

His brow furrowed, the bafflement growing stronger. The silence dangled in the air, taunting both of us as I watched the wheels turning rapidly in Fred's mind. It didn't take long for the confusion to give way to a sudden understanding.

"Oh my God," Fred finally murmured, slowly shaking his head, "You aren't afraid of losing her. You're afraid of letting her back in."

I turned towards him sharply. "What the hell are you talking about?"

He gaped at me, his stare annoyingly concentrated. "It's not that you're afraid that apologizing to her wouldn't make a difference. You're afraid that it could."

My heart was rattling sharply against my ribcage but I ignored it. "And once again, you're talking in riddles."

He continued to stare at me, collecting his own thoughts, before he finally spoke. "You have feelings for her."

"No, I-" I stopped short, not even able to finish the lie.

"You do," he said with a nod. "And that terrifies you."

I turned away from him, returning my gaze on to the ceiling with a frown. "Of course I'm terrified," I whispered. "This isn't me. I'm not the guy with the feelings or the heart or the fancying ways. That's…that can't be me. Not with her. Especially not with her."

I felt Fred's gaze on me but I refused to look over at him, not interested in seeing whatever sympathy might be resting in his eyes. But before I knew what was happening, he was laughing.

I glared over at him. "Thank you for taking pleasure out of my pain."

"You are so like me it's actually pathetic," he chuckled, shaking his head in amusement.

"And yet you're the only one laughing."

He grinned sheepishly before the hilarity in the room faded back into solemnity. "Ignoring your feelings isn't going to make them go away, James," he spoke softly. "Believe me, I would know."

If that was supposed to bring me some sort of comfort, it didn't.

"You had feelings for some random Hufflepuff," I murmured. "This is my best friend we're talking about here."

"So you admit you have feelings for her then?" he spoke in slight amusement.

Dammit, he was getting real good at these riddles.

"It's okay to be human," Fred said when I remained mute. "It's okay to be a teenager. It's okay to listen to your heart every once and a while. _It's okay_."

"You know what's not okay?" I growled. "Sleeping with someone else the day after I kissed Alice. And if you think having one conversation with her is going to change that rather major fact, it isn't."

"Maybe not if you slept with some random girl that meant nothing the night after you kissed your best friend and it meant nothing," he spoke coolly. "But it might if you slept with some random girl that meant nothing the night after you kissed your best friend _and it meant everything_."

"How are those two different things?" I groaned. "I still slept with someone else!"

"Yeah, but the why is important here!" he snapped at me. "Don't you get that? She thinks she's just another Kenley. Just another Hattie. Just another Bristol or Fiona. She thinks you kissed her because that's what you do. But if you kissed her and then slept with another girl the next day because that was easier than facing your feelings, because you wanted to pretend nothing had changed between you, because you were trying to be the version of you that you used to be instead of just being the real you, that changes everything."

"But I don't want everything to change!" I blurted out. "And if I tell her the truth, it will. I will either completely lose my best friend or things will never be the same again. _And that is not something I am prepared to deal with_."

He gaped at me, his mouth parting in surprise. He studied me, stared at me intensely as the confusion in his expression slowly turned into one of sad understanding. "You're convinced it will change for the worst," he spoke softly. "But what happens if it could change for the better?"

I laughed at him, perhaps a bit too cynically. "Are you kidding me?" I said defiantly. "She knows all of my secrets, Fred, including my bad ones. She knows what my reputation is like. She knows I'm not a good person. She knows I'm heartless and disrespectful and a bit of a hothead. She doesn't deserve that. She deserves the best. And that's…that'll never be me, Fred. You know that. _You know that_. And…so does she."

There was something in his expression that I couldn't read, something that closely resembled sympathy and yet guilt. There was a softness in his eye that made me strangely uncomfortable as I turned away from him and his scrutiny, finding solace in that crack in the ceiling again.

"I'm going to say something now that I think it's about time you hear, James," he spoke softly.

I wasn't sure I liked the sound of that but I said nothing.

"Just because your father kept a big part of his life from you and just because your mother always manages to choose his side and just because your younger brother found a way to make you feel inferior and just because the press only sees you as Harry Potter's son and just because everyone is so keen on tearing you down does _not_ mean that you are worthless or that you don't deserve good things in your life," he spoke, his voice soft with concern. "Don't be so afraid of _being_ someone that you force yourself into being a nobody. You may think that Alice deserves better than the you you've been to her, but you deserve better than the you you've been to yourself, too."

My heart fell frozen at the profoundly poignant words my cousin spoke, words that we had never once considered exchanging before. Alice and I occasionally discussed our innermost feelings but Fred and I rarely did, if ever. So I found myself suddenly exposed in a way that I wasn't at all prepared for.

I wanted to tell him he was wrong but he wasn't. I had always been so focused on not being my father that I forgot to just be me. I was only a fake version of myself, a mere shell of a barely-surviving human being, pretending I was happy and confident with the person I've become when in reality, I didn't even know who that person was. But in a way, I had never needed to know who I was because Alice was always there to accept me no matter which version of myself showed up.

Until the version of myself who broke her heart showed up.

I couldn't hide behind her anymore. I couldn't hide behind myself. Maybe it was time I tried to figure out what I wanted, _what I really wanted_ , and then find a way to go after it. I couldn't just wait for good things to happen to me the same way I had to stop assuming that only bad things happened to me. I had a life to live so maybe it was about time I figured out how to live it.

But I couldn't even begin to do that without the only person that every truly saw me for me.

The same person whose very soul I crushed.

"She hates me," I choked out because even though Fred was convinced I deserved her, I had to assume she didn't feel the same.

"She doesn't," he spoke softly. "She doesn't know how. But if you drag this out for much longer, she might be able to figure it out."

That one comment filled me with an unmeasurable amount of dread and I speculated briefly on how odd this conversation had turned out to be. It started out as a simple apology and it's made its way into a bit of an unexpected heart-to-heart. I couldn't say I hated it but I wasn't entirely sure what to make of it.

"How did you know?" I blurted out, looking at my cousin curiously.

His eyebrow popped up. "How did I know what?"

This wasn't the question I had intended on asking but now that I had started it, I wanted to finish it. "How did you know that Carver was the one for you?"

There was a flicker of shock in Fred's eyes before a smile took over his entire expression. "It didn't all hit me at once," he admitted. "It was a slow progression, though I honestly hadn't even realized it happened until I could no longer avoid it. At first, I just loved snogging her. She was really good at it. And she has this incredible smile that just lights up a room, y'know? She also has this one dimple on her right cheek, only one, that I always found very endearing. And I loved that she always had a stray hair or two sticking up out of her ponytail. And I loved that that somehow made her more beautiful. I liked that she chewed on her fingernails when she got nervous and I liked that she pretended she didn't. And then we started to talk to each other, like _really_ talk to each other, and I realized how much I didn't want her to stop talking. I loved learning about her and her childhood and her family and her life. I wanted to know what her favorite class was and I liked surprising her with her favorite chocolates. She is sweet and funny and there were times where I didn't even feel like I needed to snog her. That just being with her was enough. There came a time where I couldn't stop thinking about her. I wanted to be around her all the time. I wanted to know everything about her. I wanted to kiss her and hold her hand and hell, the sex is amazing so there's that. But the truth is, there is so much more than that. There is a girl who was willing to look past my horrendous reputation and accept me for the person I am now and I will forever be grateful to her for that because the truth is, I am so much happier with her than I ever was without her."

I had never bothered to try and understand what Fred saw in Ryleigh or why he decided to give up his spot on the team to be with her, but as he spoke, I saw the true appreciation in his eyes and I saw a smile that wouldn't fade and I knew he couldn't imagine not having her in his life. So even though I was still a put out by the idea that he screwed over the team for a girl, I knew that Ryleigh wasn't just 'a girl' to him. She was the girl. And I was happy for him. I really was.

But not all of us got to have that same happy ending.

"I'm happy you're happy, Fred," was about the only thing I could think of to say.

He looked at me and sighed. "You can be happy, too, y'know."

Maybe one day.

But today, I was just stuck feeling confused.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Fred was waiting for me when I came out of the bathroom the next morning. "Breakfast?" he suggested.

I smiled at him. I guess things really were going to be okay between us. "Yeah, let's go," I said, grabbing my bag off the bedpost and leading us out.

It felt strangely normal to be talking to Fred again as we chatted about professional Quidditch standings for the walk down to the Great Hall. The end of the regular season was creeping up in less than two months and several teams were still in the hunt for the playoffs, including my beloved Canons. Fred's Tornadoes were in the middle of the pack and unless they went on one hell of a winning streak, their playoff chances were looking slimmer by the minute, but Fred was apparently still holding out hope.

"Carver told me that you wanted to tell me the moment you two made things official," I found myself blurting out about halfway down to the Great Hall.

Fred halted in the hallway out of sheer surprise. I kept going but noticed a second later, he wasn't beside me. "When did she tell you that?"

"Sunday after the Roast."

He looked both surprised and confused. "Oh."

"Was it true?" I asked curiously. "Did you want to tell me?"

He hesitated before sighing reluctantly. "I don't know. A part of me did. A part of me felt guilty for keeping you in the dark, for knowing that the consequences could be bad. I was the one who brought it up to Ryles and she was the one who shot the idea down, but I also didn't push it. I think I liked the idea of coming clean more than I liked the thought of actually doing it."

I asked my next question. "Were you afraid to find out what I thought? Or were you just afraid to find out what other people would?"

He seemed to understand my somewhat vague question, a knowing frown settling into his expression. "I was afraid everyone would laugh at the very idea that Fred Weasley was trying to settle down. You included."

I considered the comment before grimacing. "I'd argue that I wouldn't have laughed at you but I think we both knew I would have," I muttered sheepishly.

He shrugged. "I handled it all wrong," he sighed. "She and I both did. But it's out there now and while there are certainly some people laughing, I've realized that I don't really care. Let them think what they want. I know my relationship is strong and that's all that really matters."

I couldn't help but made a face at him. "Don't make me hurl before I've even had my breakfast."

He laughed and clapped me on the back before we both continued down the hallway. We were some of the first people in the Great Hall and settled into the middle of the bench. We ignored the curious stares from the students around us as we went back to discussing our favorite subject: Quidditch.

It didn't take long for us to be interrupted and we were both a bit surprised by the who.

"Hello, boys."

We both looked up as Neville offered us a smile. "This is a new look for you."

"Yeah, Fred's trying out this new hair gel. Really makes his cheekbones pop, don't you think?"

Fred tossed a kipper at me while Neville let out a quiet sigh. "Not exactly what I was referring to, James."

I just chuckled and said, "You can mention in your weekly letter home that Fred and I are just fine."

"I don't send weekly let-"

"Fine, monthly letter then."

Fred stifled a laugh while Neville just sighed again. "Every time I try to have a conversation with you, I swear I regret it," he murmured before offering the two of us a warm smile and disappearing back up to the professor's table.

"Hopefully, that will get everyone off our backs," Fred laughed.

"Yeah, with Neville writing home and then Teddy throwing in his two cents as well, I'm thinking I might actually stop getting daily letters from Mum."

Fred seemed confused by that. "What does Teddy have to do with anything?"

I chuckled. "Oh, yeah, I met up with him at Hog's Head on Saturday night."

Fred gaped at me. "I thought you two weren't speaking to each other."

"We weren't. But now we are."

He swirled his fork in his eggs with a curious look on his face. "So he was the one who started you on your apology tour?"

Why was I not surprised that Fred picked up on that? "Hey, the guy carries seven more years worth of wisdom than me," I said with a teasing grin. "He seemed like a good person to talk to about the mess that my life had become."

Fred just rolled his eyes before diving into his eggs.

"Fucking Jessup wasn't lying" was how we were both greeted just a few minutes later as Dash slid into the bench beside Fred.

I took a break from buttering my croissant to glance up at Dash. "Er…about what?"

He glowered at me. " _Shayne agreed to go on a date with him."_

"Whoa, _what_?" Fred asked, shocked.

My croissant went abandoned as I stared at Dash in irritable disbelief. "Oh, hell, no."

"My thoughts exactly," he grunted, jabbing his fork into the scrambled eggs for the sole purpose of showing off his aggression.

"Okay, someone fill me in," Fred growled.

"What's there to fill in? Jessup asked Shayne on a date and she said yes," I grunted. "I think it's time for an all-out prank war."

"Oh, you can count me the hell in," Dash grumbled, jabbing his fork into his eggs again. Hesitating, he looked up. "Hold on, what's going on here."

Fred and I exchanged a look. "Breakfast," he said. "If you don't know what breakfast is by now, I'm worried for your sanity, mate."

Dash pointed his fork in Fred's direction. "Don't act cute. You know what I'm talking about."

Fred and I shrugged in unison. "Nope, not really," I teased. "Now, I am thinking we put an everlasting color change charm on Jessup's clothes and force him to go to class in all pink."

"Ooh, neon pink!" Fred suggested.

"Neon pink it is."

Dash glanced between us and sighed. "I will never get you two."

He went ignored as Fred and I dove into discussing prank ideas with Dash occasionally offering up his two cents.

We all glanced up when Jax dropped on to the bench beside Dash. "What the hell are you two doing sitting here?" Jax asked before immediately reaching for a scone and stuffing the whole thing into his mouth.

Attractive.

"Well, we're Gryffindors and it's breakfast time so I feel like the answer to that question is obvious," I mused.

Jax shot me a look but had to finish up his scone before responding. "Thank you for the snarky comment," he drawled. "I mean, what are you two sitting here together?"

"Well, we're Gryffindors and it's breakfast time, so-"

" _Don't make me throw my knife at you, Potter_."

I glanced over at Fred who shook his head in slight amusement. "You're feisty in the mornings, Mr. Miracle Man."

Jax looked up at me with a snort. "That was no miracle. The only reason any of us showed up for your Team Meeting was because AliCat needed to speak to us."

"Fine, you want me to go back to calling you Blockhead?"

He groaned. "How about you just call me Jax?"

I laughed and was about to make a comment with a new voice, one of the female orientation, cut him off.

"Are you two actually sitting together?"

One glance over my shoulder proved that an irritated-looking Roxanne was standing there. "Well, we're Gryffindors and it's breakfast time, so-"

It wasn't a knife but I did get hit with a scone to the face.

"You're actually forgiving him for his unforgivable actions?" Roxanne questioned Fred.

"Yeah, I am," Fred sighed. "Because I did some pretty unforgivable things as well."

Roxanne shot her brother a look. "You two have one hell of a toxic friendship."

"Because we made mistakes and have now forgiven each other for them?" I snapped at my judgmental cousin. "That's what friends do, Rox."

"You know what friends don't do? Insult each other's families," she seethed. "Especially considering _you have the same family_."

"I shouldn't have said what I said," I retaliated with a bit of a growl, "But I did. And I apologized for it."

"And I apologized for what I did, too," Fred spoke up with a shrug. "You may still be mad at James but I have no reason to be."

"I will never get you two," she growled before storming off.

"That's what I said!" Dash called out after her. Glancing back towards us with a smirk, he said, "I like that girl."

"She has a boyfriend," Jax teased.

"Ugh, don't remind me," Fred whined.

We were interrupted then by yet another curious family member. "My, don't you two look cozy," Rose smirked, coming up behind me with folded arms. "Does this mean you've stopped being so petty?"

"Why is everyone so bloody interested in our friendship?" Fred drawled.

"And who you calling petty?" I huffed. "We had our reasons."

"You didn't answer my question," she pointed out.

"Maybe we are putting aside our differences for the good of a prank war," Fred spoke with a teasing grin. "We are currently in an argument over the best type of makeover for our annoying roommate. James here was thinking fuchsia hair but I'm leaning towards electric green. Care to offer your opinion, Rosie?"

Her eyes narrowed at him. "You're asking a prefect for pranking advice?"

He hesitated. "On second thought, maybe I'll just ask Jax for his input."

"Er…I'm also a prefect," he reminded Fred.

I let out a quiet snort. "A prefect who has partaken in several of our pranks in the past."

"Yeah, well, the guy has questionable morals considering he thought it was a good idea to date Brainless Bra-stuffer," Rose drawled before storming off to end of the table where Harley and Jett currently sat.

I found myself frowning as I watched her go, suddenly reminded that Scorpius Malfoy needed a good swift kick in the crotch himself.

"For the record, Laikyn doesn't stuff her bra," Jax said with a mere shrug before stuffing another scone into his mouth.

I ignored him. "Oy, we should add Malfoy to our list of prank war victims."

The three guys stared at me. "Any particular reason?" Fred questioned, his look holding a tad too much perception in it.

"Do we need another reason other than he's Malfoy?"

Fred didn't look convinced but he merely shrugged. "Alright, he's going on the list. Now, Jax, how particular are you to the color fuchsia?"

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"Why are we adding Malfoy to the prank list?"

It was just Fred and me wandering off to Transfiguration together after breakfast. "I already said there wasn't a particular reason," I said with a shrug.

"And I'm calling total bullshit on that," he drawled. "Do you expect me to believe that it's supposed to be a coincidence that right after Rose wanders off, you want to prank Malfoy?"

"Total coincidence."

" _James_."

I glanced over at Fred with a frown. "Let's just say that Rose and Malfoy aren't quite done with their broom-cupboard shenanigans," I growled.

Fred blinked. "She's actually still snogging that prick?" he groaned. "Damn, and she was supposed to be the Weasley with morals."

I neglected to point out that it wasn't snogging those two were partaking in because as much as I would have liked to confide in Fred that our younger cousin was very much not as innocent as she comes off, I knew I couldn't betray Rose's trust like that. "Guess the Weasley morals are now forced to be on Lucy's shoulders," I sighed. Hesitating, I said, "What are the chances she'll stay eleven forever?"

"Not likely considering she turned twelve last week."

"Bollocks."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I was on my way to the Clock Tower when two very familiar voices stopped me from rounding a corner.

"So you're friends with him again?"

That was Alice and I had a very good feeling it was Fred she was talking to. When he responded a few minutes later, he proved me right. "Maybe?" he said. "I don't know what we are. Cousins again? I suppose we're working our way back towards friends."

There was a long silence. "Good" was all she said.

"You can be upset about that, AliCat."

"No, I can't," she responded. "My friendship or lack thereof with him has no bearing on your friendship with him. I never wanted you two to be fighting. Felt weird. Unnatural."

"No, what feels unnatural is _you_ and James fighting."

A sigh. "We're not fighting. To be fighting would mean I'd have to be speaking to him, which I'm not."

"So I've noticed," Fred muttered. "But did you ever think that maybe you _should_ talk to him?"

Another long pause. "I can't," she barely choked out. "It hurts just to look at him, let alone talk to him."

"I know you miss him."

The following silence nearly gave me a heart attack as I held my breath, waiting for her to respond. "No, I don't," she spoke in a hoarse whisper. "I don't miss the guy he is now. The guy who uses me like every other girl he's ever been with. The guy who says all the right things right before doing all the wrong ones. The guy who couldn't even tell me why he kissed me in the first place. Maybe I miss the old James. The James that was my friend and who made me feel special and good about myself, but that's not the James he is now. And it hurts too much to be around that James. It hurts too much to know that the good I always saw in the old James was never actually there. I-I can't pretend things are okay, Fred. They're not. And I don't know if they'll ever be."

I wondered how pathetic it would look if I just broke down crying right then and there in the hallway.

Her every word was like a stab to the heart and a punch to the gut, the anguish ricocheting off my every limb. For so long, I had made her feel special in my life and in a matter of twenty-four hours, I had turned her into the most unspecial person in my life. If I thought my heart was breaking, I knew hers was probably already shattered. And I had done that.

I had always believed I'd be the person to heal her broken hearts. It never once occurred to me that I'd be the one doing the actual breaking.

* * *

 **XOXOXO**

Our Team Meeting was awkward. We replayed the recording of the match and every time I dropped a pass or missed a shot, I could feel my heart sink further and further into my chest. We all cringed when Sadie caught the snitch for we knew what happened moments later. The only saving grace was that Fred and I were on speaking terms again and while the team seemed relieved, it also just made the silent treatment that Alice and I were giving each other that much more prevalent.

So while the other team members slowly left the Clock Tower one-by-one, I hung back as Alice cleaned up the pastries off the floor.

"Alice," I said softly.

She stiffened but said nothing.

"Tell me what to say to make everything okay again," I pleaded, an incredible amount of desperation straining my voice.

She dropped the stack of napkins on to the near-empty tray and picked it up off the floor. She stared down at the plate, looking anywhere but at me, before saying, "I have work to do." And without another word, she quickly took off down the stairwell.

I wondered then if she would ever talk to me again.

It was looking more unlikely with each passing day.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

The Great Hall was booming with laughter the next morning when Parker Jessup wandered through the door in neon pink dress robes and the hair color to match while Malfoy walked in covered head-to-toe in permanent-sticking glittery body paint.

The former stormed over to where Fred and I sat, both now just laughing at Dash who was quite literally rolling on the floor in hysterical laughter. Jax was there, too, looking amused but he seemed able to contain his laughter more than the rest of us.

" _You two are dead_ ," hissed Parker.

Fred was still unable to contain his laughter so I spoke. "Should you be wishing death on your students? I don't think that's part of the prefect handbook. Maybe we should alert the headmistress of this behavior."

"Maybe I should alert her of your behavior!"

"What behavior?" I spoke innocently. "We were just sitting here buttering our scones like the obedient little Gryffindors we are."

" _Never in your life have you two been obedient!_ "

He had a good point.

"That's just one man's opinion," I said with a shrug. "Now please, run along to your princess lair and leave us be. You might even have time to put on makeup before class starts."

That earned me more laughter out of Fred, Dash, and Jax and another glare from the pink panther himself. "I wouldn't mess with me if you knew what was good for you, Potter."

"That threat might be more effective if you didn't look like a pretty pretty princess threw up all over you," I drawled.

His fists clenched at his side and I had a feeling if the professor's table wasn't nearby, he would have attempted to sock me in the face. " _You better watch your back, Potter_."

I merely shrugged but was pleased when he stormed off, the laughter still ringing throughout the Great Hall.

"I thought you were only going after Jessup with your stupid pranks," a voice belonging to Rose spoke up as she dropped on to the bench opposite me. She didn't look happy.

I looked at her with a sheepish grin. "Who's to say we went after anyone else?"

" _Malfoy_ ," she snapped at me.

"Oh, I just assumed his appearance was thanks to a craft project gone wrong."

She glared at me. "I am hardly in the mood for your jokes right now."

I went with the old cliché of "He deserved it, Rose."

Her glare didn't go away. "Oh really? For _what_?" she hissed.

I shot her a look. "Oh, I think you know 'for what.'"

"Ooh, but we don't," Jax chimed in with a smirk. "Please, do tell."

"Fuck off, Jackson," she snapped at him before returning her attention on me. "You are painting a target on Malfoy and therefore me, James, and you know it."

"No one in this school is smart enough to connect those dots, Rosie," I argued.

Her fists clenched. "Al might."

"Like I said, no one in this school is smart enough to connect those dots."

Fred snorted beside me as Rose merely glared at me. "I am perfectly capable of handling myself, James, she pleaded, "And you pranking him makes it look to him as if I can't, so could you please just butt out?"

I shot her a look. "The last time I let you handle yourself, you went off and did something incredibly stupid with the bloody devil."

Her face grew a rather dark shade of crimson. "Right, because you always make the right decisions yourself, Mr. I Slept With The Bloody Bitch Of Gryffindor The Day After Snogging My Best Mate of Seventeen Years?"

I started to roll my eyes but the realization of what she just said had my eyes widening with horror instead. I felt Fred stiffen beside me. The laughter that had been ringing throughout the Great Hall quietly died out as Rose's accusation dangled tauntingly in the air, the surrounding Gryffindors becoming all too silent as they stared over at us in shock and speculation.

"Wait…" Dash said, slowly sitting back up on the bench. " _What_?"

"AliCat? Is she talking about AliCat? _You_ snogged _AliCat_?" Jax gasped, his eyes widening as he stared at me.

"Well, I don't think she's talking about Fred," Dash argued, his brow furrowing at me curiously.

"That's why you and AliCat are so…" Jax trailed off, only able to shake his head in overwhelming shock. " _Wow_. Just…wow."

I met the overwhelming guilt in Rose's eyes as she stared at me with her own wide eyes. "Oh my God, I-I didn't mean to…" she trailed off, her bottom lip trembling helplessly.

All I could do was shake my head at her. "I'm so glad I kept your secret to myself, Rose," I said, my voice dripping in heavy sarcasm. "Thank you so much for having the courtesy to do the same for me."

"James-"

I cut her off by pulling myself off the bench and swiftly heading off towards the exit. I heard her protesting, giving me a string of guilt-ridden words of apology, but I ignored them all as I hastily took the entrance stairwell by twos and weaved my way quickly through the corridors, attempting to quiet the loud beating of my heart while ignoring the crowd of students aimlessly wandering towards the Great Hall. I felt an ache begin to burrow in my chest, one that felt all too permanent, and when I rounded the corner, I wasn't at all surprised to find myself down the hall from the Head Dorm.

I froze there, not even sure what I was supposed to say to Alice. She was already hurt and upset and even angry and now that the whole school was about to find out our business, it was just going to get that much worse. I knew how the minds of my fellow students worked. I was going to be praised for bagging the Head Girl and she was going to be leered at for falling for the resident womanizer's tricks. I knew none of that was true, but the worst part was, I feared she might.

Knowing I had to be the one to tell her our secret was exposed, I ignored the knot forming in my chest and muttered the password to the Head Dorm.

Nothing happened.

I said the password again.

Still, nothing happened.

Confused, I said it for a third time.

And for a third time, the door didn't open.

And that's when it hit me.

Alice changed the password.

For an immeasurable amount of time, the world stopped. I didn't know how many minutes I just stood there, my hands trembling at my side. As I stared at the door that wouldn't open, I felt my heart sink straight into my chest and shatter my last bit of hope for my dying friendship.

It was something so small, so insignificant, and yet it swallowed me whole. For as many times as I had tried shutting her out, she was finally shutting me out.

Suddenly, I wanted to shout or scream or break something or hurt someone. I wanted to get far, far away from there and vanish the memories of the past week from my mind forever. I wanted to pretend that I wasn't standing outside that door, the door that I had entered so many times before, completely alone and helpless.

No, actually, what I really wanted was her.

I just feared that she no longer wanted me back.

As I stared at that oak door while the defeat trickled through my heart, I was taken aback when the door began to open. Taking a quick step back, Alice emerged and nearly yelped at the unexpected visitor. The surprise registered in her eyes before it faded into one of cold irritation when she realized who was there. She turned away with a scowl.

"I did something stupid," I choked out.

She looked up at me again, the clear bitterness emanating in her stare. "What else is new?" she drawled sarcastically.

Ouch.

But hey, at least she was speaking to me.

"I told Rose that I kissed you," I spoke softly. "And she just inadvertently told the entire Great Hall."

Alice froze, her eyes growing in clear panic. Until it wasn't panic staring back at me, it was unmitigated hatred. She said nothing, her eyes growing sinister as the anger filled her darkened expression.

I waited for her to say something, _anything,_ knowing full well I deserved to be obliterated by her.

But she surprised me by saying nothing at all. All she did was slide past me and storm off down the hallway without a single word.

And somehow that just made everything so much worse.

I could take the verbal beatdown I deserved. I could take the insults and the reprimands and the scolding. I could take the anger and the frustration.

What I couldn't take was her not talking to me at all.

Everything that was keeping me from completely collapsing into a puddle of heartbreaking shame shattered in that moment, the clear hatred in her in her face burning away at my heart like a poison. My insides grew cold and slowly stabbed away at my every limb until I couldn't feel anything anymore. I have had my share of physical injuries – broken bones and black eyes and harsh bruises – but the pain of those didn't come close to the pain I felt in that moment, knowing I just lost my best friend forever.

"Hey."

I slowly turned around as Fred made his way towards me. "I thought you might be here," he said softly.

I looked at him. "Remember how yesterday you told me that she didn't hate me?" I croaked.

Fred frowned.

"Well, she may not have hated me then but she definitely does now," I whispered.

Fred said nothing, just looked back at me with guilty eyes that told me he had no argument.

I felt the unexpected tears prickle the side of my eyes. All I could say was, "Take care of her, Fred," and then I ran like I've never run before, sprinting through the hallways and down stairwells and across the grounds and into the clubhouse where I grabbed my broom and took to the skies, wondering if I could get away with staying up there forever.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

The answer was unfortunately no, I couldn't hide out on the pitch forever. But only because Slytherin had inconveniently booked the pitch after lunch for a mini-practice.

"You kissed Alice?" was how my brother greeted me when we crossed paths just outside the Quidditch pitch. "Why?"

I didn't bother responding as I shoved past him and stormed across the grounds.

"And why the hell are you pranking my mate?" Albus called after me.

"Do I need a reason to prank that prat?" I snapped over my shoulder as I hurried my pace, running into a solid body as I pushed open the Entrance Hall doors. We both stumbled backward and when I looked to see who I had inadvertently knocked over, all I could do was grimace and wait for Hattie to smugly tell me I-told-you-so.

Imagine my surprise when all she did was smile and say, "About time you snogged her."

I looked at her. "You must have forgotten the part where I slept with someone else the very next day."

She cringed. "That does put you in a bit of a pickle, doesn't it," she sighed.

"You could say that," I mumbled, shaking my head irritably. "This is all your fault, y'know."

"Mine? Why?" she groaned.

"Because you were the one putting all sorts of ideas in my head!"

She looked at me but said nothing, her head cocking to the side curiously. Slowly, she shook her head. "I didn't put any ideas in your head, James," she spoke softly. "They were already there."

I could have argued. I certainly wanted to. But it all would have been a lie so with a mere frustrated grunt, I sidestepped past her and quickly snuck back into the castle. In doing so, I nearly toppled over another student who let out a yelp as she stumbled backward towards the ground.

"Shit," I said with a wince as I watched Cass land hard on her arse. I stretched a hand out. "Sorry, Cass. Didn't see you there."

She took my hand and pulled herself up. "That's okay. I have to imagine you might have a few other things on your mind."

I swiftly shook my head. "None of which I want to talk about," I growled, offering her a courteous nod before trekking off to the entranceway stairwell.

"I get it," she spoke from behind me, her voice quiet and yet terse. "I get what it's like to feel something towards your best friend and not have a clue what to do about it."

I stopped at the bottom of the stairwell and slowly turned around to face her, bewilderment settling into my gaze. "I don't know what you're talking about," I lied.

Her lip tugged upward into the smallest of smirks. "You don't just kiss your best friend without having a good reason behind it."

Yeah, the problem was, I didn't know what to do with said good reason. "I was wrong to have kissed her."

She smiled a coy smile that made me wary. "Or maybe you were finally doing something right."

Chatting about the details of my private life was not something I ever thought I'd be doing with Cass Rollins. "And when did you become such an expert on my personal life, Rollins?" I sighed.

She frowned and ran her fingers through her long blonde hair. "I'm no expert on your personal life," she muttered, shaking her head. "But I am an expert on being scared to fancy the one and only person who has ever had your back."

I looked at her curiously. "That Miles kid?"

She shrugged.

"I thought you two were just friends."

"I thought you and AliCat were just friends."

I scowled. "We are."

"In my experience, just friends don't go and kiss each other."

I growled at her. "I'm not sure I like you right now, Rollins."

"That's okay. I'm not so sure I like you right now either," she said with a bit of a smirk.

I wasn't so sure I liked myself.

"No offense, Cass," I muttered, "But this is hardly a conversation I'm looking to have with you."

She shrugged. "Yeah, I know," she agreed with a mere shrug. "I just figured I'd let you in on a little secret before letting you go brood in self-pity some more: you are not the only person in the world who has feelings for someone you don't think you should be having feelings for and you are not the only person in the world who doesn't know how to handle any of it. It comes with being a teenager unfortunately."

"Then I don't want to be a teenager anymore," I whined rather pettily.

She cracked a smile. "That's not the part you can change."

"Oh? Then what part can I change?" I challenged her.

"The not handling it part," she spoke almost immediately.

Yeah, I should have seen that coming.

"I'm handling it," I lied.

She smirked. I hated that smirk. "Not very well apparently."

I scowled. She was right but that didn't mean I appreciated hearing it. "I'm getting enough shit from my friends and family, Rollins. I really don't need it from my teammate, too."

"I'm not giving you shit, I'm giving you advice," she said with a slight laugh. "Besides, you already know all this."

So not only did Cass have good looks and wit on her side but she was also smart? This Miles kid was one hell of a lucky guy.

"Yeah, well, I'm going to go 'know all this' somewhere else," I muttered, disappearing up the stairs. I was grateful when she didn't follow.

I made the long, slow trek back to the common room. I came across a few other people in the hallway, all who looked at me with wide-eyed looks of judgment and all of whom I glared at before they scurried off. My sigh of relief when I muttered the password to the Fat Lady was short-lived when I entered the common room just to be greeted by a plethora of judging looks, pointing fingers, and gossiping whispers.

I ignored them all. I ignored Rose when she raced over to me in an attempt to apologize. I ignored Parker who laughed at me. I ignored Jax who was staring wide-eyed at me. I ignored everything and everyone and headed up the stairs to my room, entering the empty room and slamming the door behind me.

Leaning up against the door as the solitude enveloped me, I breathed slowly as if that would suddenly make the dull ache corroding my heart disappear.

It didn't.

And so I tried doing the only thing that had ever seemed to work in the past. I flipped on the WWN, needing to find the relief that came with a spontaneous moment of dancing it out.

It took only a few seconds for me to realize that it had the opposite effect.

For all I could think of were all the times I danced it out with Alice, her laughter ringing in my ear as images of our arms moving wildly through the air coated my mind. I could hear her slightly off-key singing voice and I could see her infectious smile. I saw the both of us acting like fools as we turned up the volume and shut out the rest of the world. I thought of us falling back against our beds in a fit of laughter as the melody filled the room.

The desperate ache in my heart bubbled over until it overtook my body, every inch of it crippled with unbearable agony. I couldn't breathe, the harsh throbbing in my heart becoming too much to bear, until I couldn't take it anymore. I instinctively reached for a textbook off my bedside table and chucked it as hard as I could at the wireless radio.

The radio fell to the ground and shattered into several irreparable pieces.

Much like my heart.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

There was a knock at the door minutes later and I knew who would be standing there without even opening the door.

"James? I know you're in there," Rose spoke hoarsely. "Please open the door."

I didn't want to. I didn't want to see her or talk to her. I didn't want to see or talk to anyone. But I knew she'd just eventually barge in anyway so I turned around and thrust the door open, a glare settled into my otherwise miserable expression. I said nothing, just waited for her to talk.

"I'm sorry," she whispered feebly, her expression laced with her own kind of misery.

I offered her a curt nod. "Okay."

She looked like she had been hoping for a bit more than that, her face falling at my clear apathy. "I feel terrible," she continued, shaking her head shamefully. "I didn't mean to do that. It just came out."

I nodded again. "Okay."

"Please say something," she begged.

"What is there to say, Rose?" I spoke irritably. "I've grown rather accustomed to my family betraying me by now so I suppose I should have seen this coming. I guess it's my fault for actually thinking I could trust you. Then again, you've always done things your way without giving a shit about anyone else so I guess this was just you being you."

I could see the faintest hint of tears reflecting in her eyes, which normally would have surprised me as Rose wasn't much of a crier but I was too annoyed to care. "I never meant to hur-"

"Don't," I cut her off almost immediately, my tone quite brusque. "I am _so tired_ of everyone using the 'I never meant to hurt you' excuse right before they go and hurt you. How about if you don't mean to do something, _you don't do it_?"

She was trying to hold back the tears but one slipped out down her cheek. "I don't know what to say to make this better."

I shook my head vigorously. "You can't make this better," I hissed. "No one can. She hates me and just because the school knows now doesn't change the fact that she'll always hate me."

Just like Fred couldn't argue with that statement, neither could Rose. "I'm sorry," she begged.

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, you said that," I drawled. "If that's all you came here to say, you can go now."

Her bottom lip trembled, her eyes blinking quickly as if to stop the tears from falling. I was tempted to slam the door in her face and just as I was about to do so, she blurted out, "You can announce to the world that I'm a huge slut if you want."

I turned to her in slight disbelief, slowly shaking her head as a sigh escaped my lips. "Our family gets enough bad press without adding you to the mix," I muttered. "You're one of the few of us left who has actually managed to keep the Weasley name honorable."

She looked up at me, swiping underneath her eye. "I'm not honorable."

Clearly.

"The press seems to think so," I drawled.

She hung her head in shame. "I deserve a bit of bad press after throwing you under the bus," she whispered.

I shrugged. "Yeah, you probably do, but it won't be coming from me. Albus, maybe, once he finds out. If he finds out. But not me."

She frowned. "Why not?"

I could only sigh. "Because what good would come from selling your story to the press? I'm not entirely sure I want to know what the world might have to say if they ever found out what went down between you and Malfoy, so I'm fine with keeping that information hid-"

"What went down between Rose and Malfoy?"

The two of us froze as we swiveled our head towards the direction of Fred's voice, who was wandering up the stairs with a very skeptical look on his face.

"You already know about their snog sessions, Fred," I spoke quickly.

Rose looked at me in surprise, clearly expecting me to rat her out.

Well, she may be a rat but I wasn't about to turn myself into one, too.

Fred glanced at me and then glanced at her and then shook his head. "You two are hiding something," he drawled as he met up with us on the landing.

"Nope," I said with a shrug.

"Oh, really, then why did you remind Rose at breakfast this morning that you kept some secret for her?"

Erm…

"Pray tell, what secret might we be talking about?"

I looked over at Rose whose face was a light shade of pink as she found much interest in the floor.

"That bad, hm?" Fred smirked.

"No, just nothing you need to know," I said with a mere shrug.

He rolled his eyes as he pushed past me into the room. He looked like he was about to comment again, but his gaze got pulled towards the floor and his eyes narrowed in confusion. "What happened to the radio?"

I glanced down at the shattered pieces. "Earthquake."

They both snorted. "That somehow managed to preserve everything except for the radio?" Rose scoffed.

I shot her a look before turning back towards Fred. "Hey, guess what Rose and Malfoy did?"

"Then again, now that you mention it, I did feel a bit of a rumbling earlier tonight," Rose responded with a sheepish grin.

Fred looked between us before shaking his head. "You know what? I think I've finally realized that asking questions can only lead to trouble so I take it all back. I don't want to know what happened between Rose and Malfoy and I don't want to know what happened to the radio."

He slid past us and wandered into the bedroom, plonking down on to his bed with a stifled yawn. "You groveling to James, Rose? Is that why you're here?"

"That sounded an awful lot like a question," Rose retorted.

Fred hesitated. "Good point. Question retracted."

I could have smiled if I didn't feel so dead inside.

Rose glanced over at me with a frown. "I tried groveling to him," she murmured. "He doesn't appear to be susceptible to it."

I, too, frowned. "You were trying to get me to use blackmail against you as a backwards form of a tit-for-tat apology. That wasn't groveling. That was desperation."

"Because I am desperate!" she whined. "I know this is ironic coming from me since I'm pretty used to being the most hated person in the school, but I don't want you to hate me. I don't think I could take it."

"I don't hate you," I muttered. "I just hate the situation."

"Which I caused," she spoke softly. "And I'm sorry for that. I really am."

I looked at her and in seeing the guilty look in Rose's eyes, a look that rarely she ever showcased, I knew that as much as I'd love to blame her, I didn't. She wasn't the one I was annoyed with. So I just sighed and said, "You didn't cause it. I did."

"I didn't help matters."

I could have continued to hold a grudge with her, especially seeing as I was quite skilled at holding grudges, but being mad at her wouldn't change the fact that Alice wanted nothing to do with me. "It's fine," I sighed. "We're fine."

She looked surprised by that news which was understandable because I was surprised by it, too. "Really?" she asked softly.

I shrugged. "This isn't on you, Rose. It's on me. It's always been on me. It doesn't matter that the school knows, it just matters what I did. So there's no reason for me to be mad at you."

Fred snorted from his bed. "I could think of a few."

Rose glared at him. "Oy, you stay out of this."

"Besides," I said a little louder, cutting them both off, "I know a way you're going to make it up to me."

Rose blinked. "Why don't I like the sound of that?"

I shrugged and leaned up against the doorframe. "Our Quidditch team is down a reserve and you're going to fill that spot."

Silence filled the room before Fred spoke up. "Bloody brilliant."

Rose flipped him off, though her gaze remained on mine. "Why are you always on my case to join the team?" she grunted. "Wouldn't you much rather find someone who _wants_ to be there and isn't blackmailed into it?"

"I shouldn't have to blackmail you, kid," I sighed. "You love Quidditch."

"Yes, I do, and I'd prefer not to find a way to hate it when you and Fred decide to torture me at practice just for the sake of torturing me. I don't know if you know this but you take Quidditch a bit too seriously sometimes and I don't' want to be caught up in that. I hate enough people as it is. I don't really want to hate you two, also."

I frowned, glancing over my shoulder at Fred who looked just as bewildered as I did. "Is that really why you think we want you on the team? For our own personal punching bag?" I questioned Rose.

"I wouldn't put it past you."

I sighed. "I want you on the team because you're a bloody good chaser, Rose. You're fast and stealthy and you have this intense focus that most players would kill for. You're a hard worker and you won't accept anything less than perfect. That makes you an ideal Quidditch player and the team would be better with you on it."

Rose gaped at me, her mouth parted in incredible shock. "I reveal your secrets to the entire school just this morning and now you're complimenting me?"

I shrugged. "I'm just telling you the truth, kiddo."

She said nothing, her eyes darting back and forth between me and Fred, who merely nodded his agreement. She still looked hesitant as she spoke. "I'd have to give up announcing the matches," she considered.

"Good thing there are a thousand other people in this school who could fill your shoes," Fred drawled.

"It's more like three hundred and fifty, Fred," I pointed out.

He glared at me while Rose laughed. "Isn't picking a reserve really Alice's decision?" she questioned me.

And just like that, the mere mention of Alice's name sent my heart plummeting into my stomach.

"She'll agree to it," Fred spoke hastily. "She knows your skills, Rose. And this gets her out of having to plan tryouts for the reserve position on top of the seeker position."

Rose considered this. "You know who would make a good seeker?"

"If you so much as mention my sister's name, I'll do to your skull what I did to this radio," I grumbled.

She grinned sheepishly as Fred called out, "Aha! I knew you did something to the radio!"

I rolled my eyes, glancing back over at Rose. "When you apologize to Alice for announcing her personal matters to the entire school, you can mention you're making it up to her by offering yourself as a reserve."

Rose blinked. "Right," she muttered as if it hadn't occurred to her that Alice deserved the apology more than I did. "But you and I are okay, James?"

"For now, though I trust you'll find another way to screw it up."

"Says Mr. Screwup himself."

A rather fitting name unfortunately.

"So, Mr. Screwup, what are you going to do about AliCat?" Fred questioned me.

I glanced over at him with a hesitant frown. "There's nothing I can do. I can't go back in time and stop Rose from running her mouth, so I'm stuck-"

"No, you can't go back in time but you can talk to AliCat in _present time_ ," Fred scoffed.

"I tried that," I muttered. "She didn't want to talk to me."

"So try harder," he groaned. "I mean, when the hell did someone saying no to you ever stop you before?"

I slowly shook my head. "She didn't say no. She didn't say anything," I muttered. "A guy can only be ignored so many times before he takes the hint and backs off."

"Or, and go with me on this one, said guy is going to wait as long as he possibly can while he attempts to figure out the jumble of thoughts rolling around in that simple mind of his all while letting his best friend _slip through his fingers."_

"You're being dramatic."

"You're being an idiot!"

All I did was shrug.

"For the record," Rose spoke, "I agree with Fred."

I almost forgot she was there.

I shot her a look. "For the record, shouldn't you be off groveling to Alice right now?"

She rolled her eyes but with a dismissive wave, she disappeared.

I glanced over at Fred. "I'm thinking it's fifty-fifty whether Alice hexes her or not."

Fred shot me a look. "You're the one AliCat wants to hex, not Rose."

Probably true.

"You know how you could stop AliCat from wanting to hex you?"

"I don't know what to say to her, Fred," I groaned.

He shrugged. "How about the fact that at some point in the past seventeen years, you developed feelings for her? How about the fact that you don't know what to do with those feelings? How about the fact that it's easier for you to run away than it is to admit you might actually have a heart? How about you tell her that she's the only thing in this life worth living for and that very thought alone scares the shit out of you? _How about you tell her the truth_?"

"You want the truth, Fred?" I snapped at him. "The truth is if I say that, if I say any of that, she's either going to laugh in my face or find a way to reject me because I'm not exactly winning any commitment awards. Hell, I'm not even in the running for any of those awards. How can I tell my best friend that something changed between us but the last thing I want is for something to change between us? I need her as my friend, Fred. I don't need any of the rest of it."

He looked taken aback. "But she's not exactly your friend at the moment, is she."

Those words were like a dagger to the heart.

"And was that you actually admitting that you have feelings for her?"

I said nothing. I was getting far too good at not responding to that question.

He sighed. "Until you admit it out loud, you're never going to get anywhere with her."

He wasn't wrong. But admitting the truth out loud, admitting to anyone but myself that I went and fell for my best friend, would make it real. Too real. I was barely hanging on as it was, my heart on the verge of a serious breakdown at the very idea that I couldn't fix what we once were. I didn't want to change the future. I just wanted to mend the past.

"I don't want to get anywhere with her, Fred," I spoke, perhaps a bit desperately, "I just want…"

"You just want _what_?" he pleaded.

The question was complicated and yet the answer was so simple. "I just want her," I whispered.

I saw the skepticism in his eyes as he spoke. "You had her," he spoke softly. "For seventeen years, you had her. And in seventeen seconds, you broke her. Now you have to figure out a way to fix it. And I can promise you that hiding out in your room isn't the answer."

I didn't know how to fix it. Or if it was even fixable at all. I didn't know what to say to make us okay again. I feared that it wasn't' possible. I feared that talking to her could only make things worse. Maybe she was ignoring me, avoiding me, not looking at me or talking to me, but until she told me we were done for good, I was going to hold out hope that there was a chance we could one day be the people we used to be. It was a small hope. A rather fictitious hope actually. A fantasy really. But I needed that hope. I needed to hang on to that. I needed to know we weren't over. And if that meant not having a conversation with her, if that meant putting it off for as long as possible, then maybe that's just what I had to do.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I managed to pick myself up and go to class but only because I feared skipping any more class would have Neville benching me on the Quidditch team and we couldn't afford any other setbacks.

Wandering into Charms, I immediately noticed Alice sitting near the front with her head buried in her notes. The next thing I noticed was the many looks she was on the receiving end of. And then I noticed everyone staring at me.

This was going to be a very long afternoon.

I hovered in the classroom doorway for far longer than necessary trying to figure out what my next move needed to be. My initial thought was to go over to Alice and grovel at her feet, begging for forgiveness, but I wasn't jumping at the chance to be ignored by her again.

"You mind moving out of the doorway, Sergeant Snogger?"

Glancing over my shoulder, I rolled my eyes as Parker strolled up behind me, a rather annoying smirk on his face. "Is that really the best you got?" I snorted, stepping to my right and letting him pass.

He stopped in front of me. "Well, I could laugh in your face or remind you what a sad, lonely prat you are or I could reiterate what everyone else is thinking and congratulate you on screwing over the only girl in school you hadn't defiled, but it seems that most people already have that covered."

I was all ready to take a swing at him but before I could, a new presence stepped between us and spoke. "You might want to watch that mouth of yours, Parker, before I find a reason to dock points," said Rudy, his voice full of ice.

"Ever heard of freedom of speech?" he snarled.

"Ever heard of bye-bye little prefect badge?"

"Ever heard of abuse of power?"

"Ever heard of _why the hell are you still talking_?"

My question precisely.

Parker glared at the Head Boy before storming off to the back of the room and dropping into an empty table.

"Why are you always at the center of fights around here?" Rudy asked me irritably.

"You heard what he said!"

"Yes and amazingly enough, I found a way to retaliate without punching the jerk in the face."

"I don't exactly have the ability to strip him of that stupid badge of his," I scoffed.

Rudy shrugged. "Your Quidditch team is already on thin ice, Potter. You really want to get yourself benched or worse, thrown off the team altogether?"

With a knowing look, he ventured over to where Alice was sitting and took the seat beside her. She appeared to be unaffected by anything that had just happened even though she was sitting very close by and most likely heard everything. But why should I have expected her to say something when she was getting so good at saying nothing?

I reluctantly slid into the desk behind the pair. I saw Alice stiffen almost immediately but her gaze never left her notes.

"I miss you, Alice," I whispered because I couldn't think of anything better to say.

I saw Rudy steal a glance towards me but Alice didn't acknowledge me at all.

I was beginning to think she'd never speak to me again.

I probably deserved it, but the very thought of never sharing secrets with her or laughing with her or dancing it out with her ever again left a huge hole in my heart that I feared would never be mended.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

If I could think of the worst possible thing to be doing the morning after the gossip trains have run rampant about the news of my shared kiss with my best friend twenty-four hours before my shag with Kenley, it would be to go to Quidditch practice where I'd be forced to be in the presence of the one person who hated me the most because of it.

And yet that's exactly where I was.

I slunk into the clubhouse behind Fred, who had tuned out my whining for the past fifteen minutes, and halted, glancing up at Alice at the front of the room.

She chose not to acknowledge me at all.

This was going to be a very long practice.

The team was all gathered there when the door opened one last time and in walked Rose.

I guess Alice accepted her as a reserve.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Jax was the first to speak up.

Alice was the one who responded. "She's our newest reserve."

Jax looked taken aback, darting his eyes back and forth between Rose, me, and Fred before re-settling them back on Rose. There was a subtle glimmer of sad dismay in his eyes, one that I think most people didn't pick up on, but it faded into frustration almost immediately. "Lucky me. More time I get to spend with the sixth year sasshole," he muttered.

"Fuck off, Jackson," she snapped. "I'm not doing this for you, I'm doing it for my family."

"That's ironic seeing as I recall you saying on numerous occasions you couldn't stand the idea of dealing with your obnoxious cousins any more than you already have to."

"Hey!" I scoffed.

"I take offense to that!" Fred complained.

Rose ignored us. "So I changed my mind, Bloch. I'm allowed to do that."

Jax seemed quite against the very idea, which had me wondering exactly where those two currently stood with each other. "Nepotism really pays around here, doesn't it," he muttered.

"Watch it, Bloch," Alice spoke up, her tone filled with ice. "I'm the Captain now and I'm the one who made the call so nepotism wasn't a factor at all."

"Or, and go with me on this one, Rose felt bad for telling the whole bloody school that evidently you and James were getting down and dirty together and James refused to forgive her until she filled the empty reserve position. In other words, _nepotism_."

Oh, no, he didn't.

Alice's face was bright red, though I couldn't be sure if it was out of embarrassment or anger. "Looks like someone will be spending all practice running laps," she barked.

"Fine," Jax huffed. "It's not like practice will be even remotely productive seeing as our team has gone to shit."

"Do you ever bloody shut up, Jax?" Alice snapped at him, surprising all of us. "I am getting real tired of your mouth."

It saddened me to hear such hostility in Alice's voice knowing I was the one who put it there. She had never been much of a spiteful or angry person before but she clearly wasn't feeling all that optimistic anymore.

Jax looked like he wanted to curse her out but was smart enough not to as Cass chimed in. "Y'know," she said with a nervous chuckle, her attempt at trying to ease the clear tension, "This is starting to look more like the Peasley team than it is the Gryffindor one."

"We can't help that our genes are prone to athleticism," Fred fired back with a grin.

"That and dumbass-ness," Jax muttered, only a hint of a smile on his face.

"I don't think that's a word," Hugo commented.

That earned him a glare from all of us.

"Though he's not totally wrong," Alice spoke coolly.

I turned my shameful gaze on to her but she wasn't looking at me. Of course she wasn't looking at me. She hadn't bothered to look at me once in the past week.

"Someone's aboard the bitter train," Rose drawled.

Alice shot her a look. "I know how much you thrive on being spiteful to pretty much everyone you come into contact with but we already have enough people at each other's throats without you adding to it," she spoke. "So please tell me there's a chance you have some sort of off button I can utilize."

Rose opened her mouth, mostly to reply with one of her infamous snarky remarks, but Jax cut her off with a loud laugh. "Highly doubtful."

Rose sent him a scathing glare. "Oh, look, someone else who could benefit from an off button," she barked.

Maybe asking Rose to be a reserve was not such a hot idea.

"I believe I asked you to shut up, Jax. And you might want to do the same, Rose," Alice growled, shaking her head as if she couldn't believe the disarray our team was currently in.

Rose and Jax continued to glare at each other but they managed to stay quiet so I suppose miracles really can happen.

"I know we're down a seeker," Alice said to the group with a heavy sigh. "But after that absolutely atrocious match we played on Saturday, we need all the practice we can get for the next match. Slytherin will be gunning for us. They always are. And they are a better team than Hufflepuff so we won't be able to get away with what we did this past weekend. So is it possible for us to try and have a decent practice today?"

"Doubtful considering you won't even look at your fellow chaser," Jax murmured.

Alice glared at him. "Are you trying to get yourself kicked off this team, Bloch?"

He laughed at that. "You really think threatening to kick me off this team is worth much when so many of our players are already dropping like flies?"

Her glare only intensified. "Oh look, we've found yet another sixth year sasshole," she seethed.

"Why am I a sasshole when all I'm doing is trying to point out to you, something I know that you are incredibly aware of as it is, that no matter how hard we practice, we have no shot at winning any matches if you and James can't find a way to get along."

I was suddenly very uncomfortable.

"Let's get one thing straight, Jax," Alice growled, "My personal business is _my_ business so how about you-"

"It was yours until Rose announced your business to the entire student body."

Jax just didn't know how to keep his mouth shut.

"What is your problem, Jackson?" Rose snapped at him, her hands planted firmly on her hips. "None of this has anything to do with you so how about you just focus on being a bloody beater and leave your snarky comments out of it?"

He shook his head vigorously, the anger spewing from his eyes. "Don't tell me this doesn't have to do with me because the team we worked so hard to build, a team that you weren't even a part of until about five minutes ago, is falling apart in front of my very eyes and it sucks because this used to be one of the few things I was able to look forward to and now I don't even have that," he barked.

I suddenly sensed that like me, he used the team to escape. Escape what, I couldn't be sure. But when there wasn't much to escape to anymore, when what you used to escape to was imploding in front of your very eyes, it was very easy to feel as if you, too, were imploding.

"Oh, stop being such a bloody Drama Queen," Rose growled.

This practice had to be our worst yet and we hadn't even made it on to the pitch yet.

"I'm not being dramatic, I'm being realistic!" Jax shouted. "Going into this year, we had the _best bloody team in the school_. We had the two top chasers out of all the teams, we had the winningest seeker who might have been one hell of an annoying bint but she rocked it on the pitch, and we had two unstoppable beaters who know a thing or two about crushing a few skulls. We may have been down two players, but we added a keeper whose blocking percentage is off the charts and we added a chaser who somehow managed to find a way to fit right in with the already perfect chaser duo. And now? The only thing we are is a bunch of discombobulated fools who will get their ass kicked this year and wind up being the laughingstock of the entire school. You have to all see this, right? I can't be the only one frustrated that we're letting that Quidditch Cup slip right through our fingers because of some petty teenage drama."

A heavy silence filled the locker room, all eyes now on Jax who suddenly looked more hurt than frustrated.

"I see it," Hugo spoke up.

"Me, too," CJ agreed.

"Same here," Cass spoke.

The rest of us, unsurprisingly, said nothing.

We all knew he was right, but knowing you were letting your personal life affect the game and doing something about it were two entirely different Quidditch pitches.

"Rose can have my spot on the team."

All of us looked over at Alice in horror, myself included. "No," I croaked out.

She stared at the floor as she spoke. "James has worked with her before. He knows her quirks. It makes sense."

"No," I said again, shaking my head.

"No fucking way am I taking your spot, Alice," Rose snorted.

"You will if I tell you to."

" _No_ ," I repeated, this time more forcefully.

I continued to be ignored as I suddenly felt as if I was losing control of everything.

"AliCat," Fred spoke urgently, "You can't give up your spot."

Alice glanced over at him and shrugged. "What other choice is there?" she sighed. "Jax is unfortunately right as annoying as that may be. The team we have now isn't a team at all. We have no shot of winning the way we are now."

Fred shook his head. "AliCat-"

"Look, let's just get out there and practice, okay?" she pleaded. "We don't need to figure this out now."

"There's nothing to figure out!" I scowled, pulling myself off the bench abruptly. "You're not quitting the team, Ace."

She flinched at the use of her nickname, so at least I knew she was hearing me even if she refused to listen. "Jax, you're on laps," she muttered, proving to me once again that she knew how to hold a grudge. "The rest of us, let's start with-"

"I'll quit," I spoke desperately, stepping in front of her. "Rose can have my spot. This is my fault anyway."

As the words fell from my mouth, I realized that I actually meant them. For nearly eighteen years, I lived and breathed Quidditch. The only dream I thought I ever had was to be a professional Quidditch player. But as it turned out, I had another dream in Alice. I couldn't be happy knowing she wasn't. I couldn't live my dream by taking hers away. I couldn't play to my fullest potential knowing she wasn't playing, too.

Quidditch meant a lot to me. But Alice meant more.

Alice looked at me. She actually looked at me. I almost forgot the color of her eyes with all the times she avoided looking at me but she was looking at me now. I couldn't read her. I couldn't figure out what her eyes were trying to say. But she was finally looking at me.

And just as quickly as she looked at me, she turned away. "Like I already said, we don't need to figure this out now," she muttered through gritted teeth as she slipped past me and headed towards the door. "Get into figure-eight formation out there and we'll start with passing drills."

She pushed the door open and disappeared and I watched her go all while the others watched me.

"And now we have people begging to quit," Jax muttered to no one in particular. "Yep, I think it's safe to say we're doomed."

I turned to glare at him. "I believe you're supposed to be doing laps right now," I barked at him, before grabbing my broom off the bench and heading out, the rest of the team dragging their feet behind me.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"Did you mean it?"

Glancing over my shoulder, I saw my three cousins following me back towards the castle. "Mean what?" I grumbled, though I had a suspicion I knew what they were referring to.

"When you said you would quit the team," Rose spoke, coming up beside me. "Did you mean it?"

I ran my fingers through my freshly-showered hair. "I'm the one who caused this big mess," I muttered.

"Yeah, but you're kinda obsessed with the sport, mate," Hugo pointed out.

"I can still be obsessed with it from the sideline," I pointed out. "I'll be Gryffindor's biggest cheerleader. Hell, I'll even sport the crop top and short skirt if you want me to."

"Nobody wants that," Rose shuddered.

"If you sideline yourself, you won't be looking at any offers from the pros next year," Hugo reminded me.

That thought had crossed my mind, in fact I spent all practice wondering why I had just so casually offered to throw my dreams away, but every time I told myself I was crazy, I thought of Alice and suddenly it all made sense to me.

With a sad sigh, I said, "And if Alice sidelines herself, she won't either."

The three of them exchanged a look of surprise. "You'd give up your future, _your dream_ , so that she can go after hers?" Fred spoke, his voice soft with disbelief.

I looked at him, the awe in his face overwhelming, and I nodded. "Yeah," I whispered, "I would."

The three of them couldn't believe it and frankly, neither could I.

"Damn," Fred murmured, letting out a low whistle, "You really do care about her more than yourself, don't you."

I just looked at him, our eyes locking in hesitant disbelief, before I offered him a single nod.

"Why'd you do it?" Hugo asked me.

"Do what?" I sighed.

He glanced at the other two and I somehow already knew the question he was about to ask. "Why'd you kiss her?"

That was the question of the year, wasn't it.

I had an answer to it.

I was just too afraid to say it out loud.

"You are some piece of work, Potter, you know that?"

Whirling around, we all watched as Alice stormed up to me, looking more furious than I've seen her in the past few days.

I blinked, leaning towards Fred and whispering frantically, "I don't know what she's mad at me for this time."

"I don't know either," he hissed back.

"You don't get to suddenly pretend you're a good guy and act like you're some unselfish sacrificial flobberworm when you were the one that put us here in the first place!" she was practically shouting, stabbing me in the chest with her finger. "You fucked up and you can't suddenly fix everything by pretending to be the saint that we all know you aren't so screw you, you aren't quitting, and we will find a goddamned way to get along on that pitch because there is no way in hell I am going to let your stupid brother lord yet another win over our head, _y'got that_?"

Flipping her hair over her shoulder, she stormed past us and up towards the castle.

I watched her disappear through the wrought-iron doors, a stunned look on my face before it slowly gave way to a smile.

"Er…mate?" Fred said, clearing his throat. "Why are you smiling? You do know that she just completely reamed you out, right?"

I turned to Fred, my smile only growing. "Yeah, she did," I said with an eager nod. "Which means she's talking to me again."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

 **A/N:** Well, even though the James-Alice situation is spiraling out of control like a wild tornado, at least we have the boys back together.

Up next: Gryffindor needs a seeker. And what's going to happen between James and Alice now?


	23. What Happened To Us

**A/N:** And once again, the lovely **soundon** motivates me to update. Not necessarily because of the rewritten song (though I do love a good "Mercy") but because they said Shawn Mendes reminded them of James Sirius and now I can't stop thinking of my James Sirius with Shawn Mendes' face! The Potter family resemblance is uncannnnny. Seriously, google "Shawn Mendes" and you'll find out what we're talking about. And to the rest of you who leave me with smiles after their reviews, Thank You for not only taking the time to read this but also for taking the time to review. You are the reason I write these stories.

This chapter was originally going to be even longer than the last but in a last-minute decision, I cut it down. So maybe, just maybe, I'll update the next chapter sooner rather than later since it's also pretty much done with the editing stage. Maybe a few extra reviews might just push my motivation over the edge.

* * *

 **A WAY WITH WORDS**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 23: What Happened To Us?

" _What happened to us?_ _  
_ _We used to be so perfect_ _  
_ _Now we're lost and lonely_ _  
_ _What happened to us?_ _  
_ _And deep inside I wonder_ _  
_ _Did I lose my only?"  
_ -Hoobastank

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

The whole school was still talking about me and Alice but I somehow managed to tune it all out. I heard from a few sources (Jax and Dash mainly) that Rose and Fred were out there wholeheartedly defending the two of us as an attempt to convince the student body that I hadn't turned Alice into my latest one-night stand nor had she mistakenly fallen for my supposed bad boy charm. So instead of trying to defend the situation myself, I left it up to them.

When the school wasn't talking about me and Alice, they were laughing at the pathetic Gryffindor team that was down a seeker. Sadie somehow got really popular as the other Houses thanked her for taking the win away from Gryffindor. This, I also couldn't defend because the reason we were down a seeker was because of me. So instead of defending the situation myself, I let the rest of the team do the defending as they tried to convince the student body that we would still win that Cup.

Didn't see how but I left that thought to myself.

I hadn't spent much time thinking about Quidditch as I was more focused on Alice, but it occurred to me that with our team on the bubble of complete self-destruction, the idea of getting to the finals seemed rather unfeasible. And if we didn't get to the finals then my dream of becoming a starting chaser on one of the professional Quidditch teams may just be that: a dream. A pipe dream really. That should have made me feel helpless and angry and upset and panicked for I had worked my whole life to be play in the big leagues, but the only thing I seemed to really care about lately was finding a way to fix my relationship with Alice. So for the first time in my entire life, Quidditch took second place in my heart.

I had once convinced myself that the only thing I could count on, the only thing that mattered in my life was Quidditch but now that I was presented with the possibility of losing my best friend, it made me realize that the only thing that actually mattered to me was her. Playing Quidditch has only been a part of my life for six years now. Alice was a part of my life for seventeen years. I needed her more than I needed the game.

Alice had said a total of seventeen more words to me throughout the week. Granted, most of them were her calling me incompetent during Quidditch practice, but it was a start. A slow start but a start nonetheless.

"I just don't see why _she_ had to fill the reserve spot," Jax grumbled as he stabbed his potatoes with a fork on Friday during lunch.

"I'm assuming you're referring to Rose," I drawled, "And we all know she's a good choice for the reserve spot."

"Not true. It's very likely she would have been my very last choice."

"Because of this ongoing feud you have with her, not because of her Quidditch skillset," I growled, shooting him a warning look. "Tell me, Jax, you ever going to go back to being friends with our fiery cousin?"

"You ever going to go back to being friends with AliCat?"

I noticed that that seemed to peak the interest of Fred and Dash across the table, both of whom looked up from their respective lunches.

I grimaced and said to Jax, "I retract my question."

"I don't retract mine."

I flipped him off. "How about you go back to whining about being on the same team as Rose?"

He groaned and stabbed another potato. He missed and the potato went flying off his plate, landing in the middle of the table. "This is all your fault," he muttered. "Why'd you have to go and pick Rose anyway?"

"I didn't," I reminded him, "Ace did."

"Oh, come off it. We all know you were the one who convinced her to do it," he argued. "AliCat just didn't disagree."

"Which is ironic since all she's been doing for the past two weeks has been disagree with him," Fred finally spoke, earning him a well-deserved glare from yours truly.

"Try only the past week," I countered. "Before that, she wasn't speaking to me at all."

"She isn't really speaking to you right now either," Dash chimed in with a laugh.

"That's not true," I huffed. "Just this morning she said a whole four words to me."

Jax looked intrigued but it quickly faded when fits of laughter fell from both Dash and Fred. "She said 'you're a clumsy imbecile' when you accidentally stabbed yourself with tweezers in Herbology," Fred spoke through his laughter. "You might have been better off with her not speaking to you at all."

"Especially since your retort was the very idiotic 'an imbecile who we all know you love deep, deep down,'" Dash drawled, shaking his head at me. "To which she then gathered her things and moved to the other side of the room so nice going there."

"She does love me deep, deep down," I huffed. "She's just choosing to ignore it."

"Maybe if you had an actual conversation with her, one that didn't include your usual flirtatious ways, one of those 'deeps' could possibly be discarded," Fred spoke, his one eyebrow lifting upward as he fixed a knowing stare on me.

He wasn't wrong but I was too afraid that if I had said actual conversation with her, instead of making things better, it might make her go back to not speaking to me at all. And that was not a period in my life I wanted to return to.

"Pass the salt," I said, ignoring Fred completely.

He rolled his eyes at me but obliged.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Saturday morning rolled around and the team was all huddled together in the middle of the pitch before seeker tryouts were set to begin while Alice provided us with a quick summary of events.

"-release the snitch, fastest time wins that round and moves on to the next. Any questions?"

Fred shot his arm into the air. "Yes, when do I get to pummel them with bludgers?"

Alice glared at him. "Is that all you care about?"

"Yes."

"Here's a thought," she drawled, "How about you sit on that pretty little bench behind you for all of tryouts since that's all you'll be doing for the rest of the year, too?"

Stifled laughter rippled through the team as Fred glared at her. "I think Rose's bitchiness might be rubbing off on you."

Rose looked startled to be mentioned, picking her head up and glancing over at Fred. "Erm, what?"

"Are you paying attention at all, Rose?" Alice groaned.

"No, not really."

She sighed. "Well, isn't this going to be the best tryouts in the history of tryouts," she groaned.

"Well, that's not a very good attitude to have," Jax spoke, shaking his head. "Put a little less sarcasm in it and punch the air while you say it."

Alice glared at him.

"Er…or I could just do it for you."

Alice's glare intensified.

"Or, y'know, not at all."

She sighed, glancing over our shoulders. "Looks like we've got company," she muttered as a handful of students wandered into the stadium.

"Okay, but seriously, when can we start pummeling the kiddies with bludgers?"

Alice rolled her eyes at Fred but said as an after-thought, "Final round."

Fred pumped his arm into the air before reaching over to high-five Hugo and Jax, the former who laughed and the latter who rolled his eyes.

"What do you want the chasers to do exactly?" I questioned. "Or do you just want us on the sidelines taking notes?"

"Do what you want," she growled before storming off towards the newcomers.

Four more words.

I swear, I was wearing her down.

Fred smirked behind me. "She is so not happy with you, mate."

I shot him a look. "Why do you look so pleased at that very thought?"

He shrugged. "Eh, I'm still getting over that whole I was only born to replace my father's twin brother rampage you went on."

As the rest of the team howled with laughter, I merely sighed. "I'm so glad we can laugh about that now," I murmured.

"You know what else we can laugh about?" Fred spoke, his brow furrowing curiously as his gaze fell beyond my shoulder. "Your sister showing up in workout gear and a broomstick."

I whirled around, expecting Fred to be lying, but lo and behold there was my baby sister in leggings and a maroon tank top that was showing off her sports bra a bit too much in my mind, twirling her broom around in her hand. "What is she doing here?" I muttered.

It was intended to be rhetorical but I heard CJ speak up behind me. "Trying out."

My brow furrowed. "You know as well as I do that she can't," I spoke through gritted teeth. "What the hell are you two playing at?"

"No, she-"

I ignored him as I took off towards my sister who was chatting eagerly with Buzz Hopkins. "Lily, a moment of your time," I interrupted, grabbing her arm and dragging her away from the other fourth year.

"What the— _do you have no manners, James Potter_?" she scoffed, struggling against my grasp and losing.

I turned to her when we were a safe distance away, ignoring Alice's eyes following us the whole time. "What the hell are you doing here, Lils?" I hissed.

"Well, I'm in workout clothes, I'm holding a broom, and if I'm not mistaken, Gryffindor is currently holding seeker tryouts, so let me see, hm, I must be baking a bloody cake!"

I glared at her. "Your sarcasm is hardly necessary."

"And you bruising my arm with your sharp talons isn't?"

I glanced down regretfully and released her arm. "Sorry," I muttered. "I just…you can't try out, Lils."

She didn't even berate me for the use of her nickname. "Watch me."

I shook my head. "I can watch you all day and all night and it won't matter. You can't be on the team because you are dating one of the players. Code rules. And don't you dare yell at me for always abiding by the bloody Code because I don't like it any more than you do right now, but we can't bend the rules for you. The other teams will have you thrown off the team in a matter of seconds."

She tugged at the end of her ponytail hesitantly, glancing towards my teammates huddled together by the benches. She let her gaze linger and I had a strong suspicion she was looking at one in particular, one that she so happened to call her boyfriend. With a frown, she tore her gaze off of them and glanced back up at me. "I'm not dating one of the players anymore," she spoke softly.

I stared at her. "What?"

She said nothing, the sadness flashing across her eyes.

"Oh for fuck's sake, did that lowlife break up with you?" I snarled. " _Oh, I'll wring his goddamned neck_!"

I started over to him, but Lily grabbed the back of my jersey. "He didn't break up with me," she said pleadingly. "I broke up with him."

I stopped and turned around. "What?" I said, confused. "Why?"

It nearly killed me to see an unexpected flair of tears blurring in her eyes. "Because you need me," she whispered.

I froze, my mouth parting as I stared down at my sister, stunned. I opened my mouth to say something and then closed it. And then opened it and closed it again. The words wouldn't form. I was too shocked, and yet speechlessly flattered, by the rather large sacrifice my sister was making on my behalf, a sacrifice that I didn't deserve in the very least.

"I can't let you do that," I croaked out, shaking my head. "This is my problem to deal with, not yours."

"Too late, it's done," she said with a sad smile.

I shook my head. " _No_ , Lily. No way. You can't-"

She cut me off. "CJ and I have our whole lives to date," she said, taking a step towards me with pleading eyes. "We only have three months to win you that Cup."

To win _me_ that Cup.

Not Gryffindor. Not the team. Me.

The same guy who was screwing up those very chances of winning that Cup.

I didn't deserve any part of that Cup.

"I'd hold that thought," I muttered. "I'm not sure I'll be on this team much longer."

She shook her head. "Nope, no way, you're not letting Rose take your spot. You worked way too hard for this."

I wasn't surprised that someone in my family had leaked my suggestion to quit the team to my sister. Peasleys were known to have big mouths.

"So has the rest of the team," I murmured. "And I'm just letting them down."

"So stop."

I blinked. "That's your great advice? Just _stop_ letting them down?"

Lily shrugged. "You know you hurt Alice and pretty much destroyed your friendship and while I can't tell you if you'll ever be able to get it back, you have one way of trying to make it up to her and that's not playing like a complete shite chaser when we both know you're the best out there."

I hesitated. "That was better advice."

She shrugged.

"And here's my advice to you: don't try out," I pleaded. "I love you for doing this, but don't."

She flashed me a smile before shaking her head. "I love you, too, James," she said with a shrug. "Which is why I'm doing this."

"Lils-"

But she took off towards the other seeker prospects before I could say another word.

I watched her meet back up with Buzz and strike up a conversation, her bubbly grin making me smile, too, as I stood there wondering how on Earth I ever got so lucky to have a sister like her.

"Uh, mate, what is she doing?"

Glancing up as Fred made his way over to me, I said, "She's putting her name in for the Sister of the Year Award and I gotta tell you, I think she might win."

Fred blinked. "Yeah, that pretty much explains nothing."

I chuckled. "She's trying out."

Fred opened his mouth but it was another voice who chimed in. "She can't bloody well try out, now can she?"

Alice stormed up to the two of us. "Why do all the Peasleys insist on pushing my every button?" she snapped, whipping her head back and forth at us.

"Oy, what did I do?" Fred groaned.

Alice shot him a look. "One word, you complete and utter twat: _Ryleigh_."

He hesitated. "Oh, right."

Alice turned to me, anger resting in her eyes. "Tell her to get the fuck off my pitch."

I smiled down at Alice, which only made her scowl more. "She broke up with CJ. She's trying out."

Alice's eyes narrowed into very small slits. "She broke up with a boy for a stupid game?"

I ignored that "stupid game" comment to say, "Yep because apparently she cares more about that stupid game than Freddie here does."

Fred scowled at me but then it slowly turned into a realization. "Oh, fuck, she's totally showing me up!"

I smirked. "That she is."

Alice's eyes were still narrowed as she looked at me skeptically. "The other teams are going to have a field day over this."

"Probably."

"They'll question the validity of it."

"Probably."

"They'll say we're cheating."

"Probably."

Alice appeared to be thinking. Her forehead always crinkled the slightest bit when she did that. I wasn't sure if I ever really noticed that until now. It put a smile on my face.

And just as a smile appeared on my face, so, too, did one on hers. "Sounds like we might have ourselves a seeker."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

We held tryouts anyway as that was the only fair thing to do but it was clear twenty minutes into them that none of the others even compared to Lily's speed or skillset so while there was quite a bit of protest, and after Cass asked CJ about two hundred times if he was okay, we stopped tryouts to announce that Lily was going to be our seeker.

As the team cheered and Lily beamed, it appeared that a sudden realization hit Jax that he hadn't been prepared for. "Oh, shit. This really is the Peasley team, isn't it?"

We all looked around at each other before bursting into laughter.

This was the first bit of hope any of us had in over a week.

And it felt really good.

Or at least it did until I tried smiling at Alice and all I got was a glare in return.

How was I going to get myself out of that mess?

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

As word spread around school who our new seeker was, shit hit the fan just as Alice had predicted.

" _You can't bloody well put her on your team!_ " Albus exploded on me in the hallway outside the Great Hall that very night.

"Jealous that she's not your seeker, little bro?" I smirked.

He hesitated which made me think that yes, he believed Lily had the right qualities to be an incredible seeker. "That's not the point," he hastily scoffed. "Gryffindor has an internal no-dating Code, remember? Are you planning on benching her? Or are you planning on benching CJ for Rose? You'd really sacrifice your chaser for your seeker? How low can you-"

"You're seriously making my ears bleed with your high-pitched whining," I drawled, rolling my eyes. "Here's a lovely little piece of gossip you might want to spread around to others: Lily and CJ aren't dating anymore."

Albus' eyes narrowed. "You'd really ask the two of them to break up? _How low can you_ -"

"Oh, I did nothing of the sort!" I huffed. "That was her own doing."

"Right, and I'm sure you did everything you could to try and stop it," he drawled. "No, wait, you're a bloody prat who never liked the idea of them in the first place."

Okay but seriously when did Albus start growing a backbone?

"Oh, and I'm sure you just loved the idea of them together," I fired right back.

"This isn't about me, it's about you always finding a way to bend the rules to fit into your perfect bubble of a world. Well, here's a thought, _not everything is about you_ ," he sneered at me.

I couldn't help the cynical laugh that fell from my lips. "Perfect bubble of a world?" I repeated. "Have you not been paying attention? My world is far from perfect right now!"

"Yeah, and whose fault is that?" he seethed. "If you want things to go back to being perfect, then maybe you should grow some balls and talk to that best friend of yours."

Oh, no, he didn't. Fred telling me every chance he got to talk to Alice was one thing. But Albus didn't get to interfere with my life, not when he held such little value in it.

"In case you forgot, my life was _never_ perfect," I hissed. "You stole that title for yourself a long time ago. So here's a thought: _stay the fuck out of my life_."

"The only person who find my life perfect is you!" he called after me but I was already halfway down the hallway and had no intention of taking his bait.

Rounding the corner, I ran into Reese who stopped and smirked at me. "Fighting with your brother again?"

"What else is new?" I drawled.

"Y'know, he's not so terrible, that brother of yours," she teased. "Maybe if you stopped picking a fight with him all the time, you'd begin to realize that.

I stared at her. "He's the one that picked a fight with me this time around," I drawled. "And are you honestly defending him right now?"

"Well, he is my Quidditch Captain."

"And he's my brother. Doesn't mean I have to like him."

She rolled her eyes. "I have no reason not to like him."

I studied her carefully, trying to figure out why this was the conversation she was trying to have right now. "Oh, I could think of a few," I drawled, attempting to sidestep past her.

"Your Quidditch team is playing dirty," she spoke from behind me.

I turned around with a shake of my head. "Is not."

"I don't know what game you're trying to playing here at but we all know your sister can't be on your team so-"

"Actually, she can," I cut her off with a shrug. "She and CJ aren't together anymore."

She looked at me curiously, her ponytail swinging casually behind her. "Kinda like how Fred and Ryleigh were 'never' together," she snorted, using air quotes.

I shouldn't have been surprised that that scenario came up, yet it hadn't been one I considered. "My sister wouldn't jeopardize the team by dating CJ behind our backs. She saw what happened with Fred. She's not going to make that same mistake."

"All Peasleys are cunning and underhanded," she reminded me with a chuckle. "I wouldn't put it past Lily to think she's just better at hiding it than Fred."

" _She's not dating CJ_ ," I groaned.

Reese only laughed. "This has disaster written all over it, Potter."

"I guess we'll find out when we play you next month, Baby Girl," I shot back.

She chuckled and with a wave, disappeared down the hallway. I watched her go with a sigh before turning on my heel and racing back to the Gryffindor Tower, grateful when no further interruptions popped up.

I dropped on to the lounge chair beside Fred and Jax with a stifled yawn. "What's new?" I questioned.

"Nepotism apparently" was Fred's very immediate response.

I glanced over at him. "Er…what?"

He looked up from the newspaper's Quidditch recaps. "Apparently, Lily only got the seeker position because of her many family members on the team."

I blinked and swiftly sent a look towards Jax, who threw his arms in the air innocently. "I swear it wasn't me who said it!"

"Funny, since you were singing that very same tune earlier this week."

"I only said that then because I was frustrated!" he groaned. "Bloody hell, does everyone always have to remember everything I say?"

"When you say stupid, accusatory shit, yes."

He sighed. "You can't blame people for thinking nepotism might be involved when you add two members to the team in in one week who both happen to belong to the same family. A family that already made up a good portion of the Quidditch team. Now you've got six out of nine people who are members of that same family. That rumor was itching to start itself."

Fred and I exchanged a curious look before he said, "Only five of us on the team are a Peasley."

Jax contemplated this before shrugging. "Oh, right. Sometimes I forgot AliCat is only an honorary Peasley."

"Until James fucked that up," Fred smirked.

He wasn't wrong but I chucked a pillow at him anyway. "Shouldn't you be off shagging Ryleigh in a storage closet somewhere?"

"I would but she's currently mad at me."

"Gee, can't imagine why. You're such a pleasant person to be around," I drawled.

He chucked the pillow back at me. "For your information, she and the rest of the Hufflepuff team think we're trying to pull the wool over their eyes."

I groaned as Jax spoke up. "Where the hell did that phrase come from anyway? 'Pull the wool over their eyes.' What does that even _mean_?"

Both Fred and I turned to glare at him. Glancing between us, he grinned sheepishly. "Or, y'know, something about how all Hufflepuffs suck."

"Not all," Fred growled.

Jax rolled his eyes. "We all knew this was going to happen. The rumors I mean," he reminded us. "Let's look at the facts. People love to talk. People can't get enough of the Potters. People live for Quidditch. Putting Lily on the team is a bloody recipe for 'please, school, spend every minute of your waking day and even in your dreams discussing the latest Gryffindor Quidditch team scandal.'"

Fred found himself laughing but I merely rolled my eyes. "Let the school talk. Maybe they'll focus on that and leave me and Alice alone."

"Doubtful," said Fred. "That gossip is still very much trending."

"Thank you again for your immense support," I drawled.

He merely grinned.

"People wouldn't have anything to talk about if there wasn't a stupid Code," Jax pointed out with the shake of his head.

"You're telling me," I blurted out.

Both Jax and Fred turned to me, surprised. "You're not going to scold him for saying the Code is stupid?" Fred questioned, his eyebrows shooting far into his forehead.

I blinked.

Holy shit, my initial reaction wasn't to scold Jax for calling the Code stupid. It wasn't to tell him that we had a Code for a reason. It wasn't to say that we _did_ have a Code so suck it up. My initial reaction was to agree with him.

What was wrong with me?

Before this year, I believed in that Code. No, I didn't just believe in it, _I lived it_. Quidditch had always been the utmost important thing in my life so I let that Code be the backbone to every thought and decision I ever made.

And now the last thing I believed in was the Code.

This was not how I saw my seventh year going.

I glanced at the other two and slowly shrugged. "No, I'm not going to scold him" was all I said.

They weren't the only two surprised by that.

I guess I was finally starting to hate the Code just as much as everyone else did.

 **XOXOXO**

I had the unfortunate experience of running across Fred and Ryleigh heavily snogging in the middle of the hallway the next day.

"Oh, I so do not want to see that!" I groaned, causing the two of them to jump apart with sheepish grins.

"Shit, mate, I thought you were a professor," Fred chuckled nervously, instinctively wrapping his arms around Ryleigh's shoulders and drawing her into him.

"I thought you were mad at my cousin here," I spoke to Ryleigh, my eyebrow popping upward.

"I tried to be," she sighed, shaking her head, "But he's unfortunately too charming and too cute for me to stay mad at long."

"I've never had any problem with staying mad at him," I drawled.

"I could show you my excellent snogging skills and you might think differently," Fred teased.

I made a face. "Gross."

"No, not gross. He definitely knows what he's doing in that department," Ryleigh giggled, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

Move out of the way, folks, I'm definitely going to hurl.

"I'll have to take your word for it," I drawled, rolling my eyes at the very mushy pair. "Class is in ten minutes."

Fred's brow furrowed at the random segue. "So?"

"So you two are going to have to separate because one of you takes Potions and the other doesn't."

"Aw, that's sweet of you to offer to walk my girlfriend to class," Fred said with a smirk.

Girlfriend.

Still weird.

I blinked. "Yeah, I don't recall ever offering that."

Fred rolled his eyes. "Don't be a prat, Potter."

"Why not? I'm so good at it."

He glanced over at Ryleigh curiously. "On second thought, you're better off walking yourself."

I threw on a smirk of my own. "Don't worry, I'll take excellent care of her."

"I really don't like the sound of that."

Walking over to them, I said, "So, Ryleigh, did I ever tell you about the time Fred got plastered off champagne on New Year's Eve and streaked through Diagon Alley?"

As Ryleigh burst into laughter, Fred merely glowered at me. "I could go back to hating you, y'know."

I grinned wickedly. "You were the one who wanted me to walk Carver to class."

"And then I promptly took it back. _I took it back_."

"Too late," I said, linking my arm in with Ryleigh's and tugging her away from Fred. She pressed a kiss to his cheek before I hastily steered her down the hallway. "He also believed in Santa Claus until he was ten years old. Cried when he found out the old guy in the suit and fake beard was just his dad."

" _James!_ "

"Tootles, Freddo!" I said over my shoulder, laughing alongside Ryleigh who was finding much amusement in my rather juvenile antics.

Once we rounded the corner, I let my laughter die down and I let go of her, plunging us into a bit of an awkward silence.

"It's okay to hate me, y'know."

I glanced over at Ryleigh warily. "I don't hate you."

She had a smile on her face. "It's okay if you do," she spoke. "I kinda feel like I stole your best friend from you for a little while."

I met the sincerity in her gaze, only then realizing that a part of me had been unconsciously blaming my fallout with Fred on her. I frowned and said nothing, the sound of our feet thumping against the floor as we wound our way through the corridors. "He must really like you if he was so willing to give up everything he ever cared about for you," I eventually said. I stopped at the top of a stairwell and turned to her. "Please don't hurt him."

She looked taken aback by the vulnerable plea. Glancing at me, she slowly shook her head. "Funny, that's exactly what I'm waiting for him to do to me."

My eyebrow shot up curiously. "Why do you say that?"

She blinked, staring at me with a deep intensity as if she feared the question. There was a strong hesitance in her expression, one that was keeping herself from admitting the truth. "Because," she muttered, a hint of reluctance shining through, "What if I give him my heart and he finds a way to break it just like he has with every other girl he's ever been with?"

Those words struck me hard because in that moment, I realized that that was a fear I very much shared with her. The fear that if I laid my heart on the line to Alice, tell her all the things I've been thinking and feeling, that she'd still find a way to crush me. And that wasn't something I was even remotely prepared for.

Clearly, Ryleigh felt the same about Fred. Clearly, she really liked him and it was the fact that she liked him so much that was scaring her. Clearly, she was afraid of both being with him and not being with him. Clearly, she was just waiting for the day that Fred woke up and decided to go back to his bachelor ways. Clearly.

She wasn't wrong to fear any of it. She would just be wrong if she let it overtake her.

"Carver, listen to me," I spoke in a rather determined manner, meeting her timid gaze, "You are _not_ like every other girl he might have been with."

She shook her head. "How do you kno-"

"Because I know. I know him. And I know he wouldn't have given up his friends, his family, Quidditch, _everything_ for you if he didn't genuinely care about you," I said almost desperately. "So don't be so afraid of giving yourself to him that you wind up giving him up instead."

Her upper lip twitched just scarcely but I noticed it. "That's rather profound advice, Potter," she said, staring at me with a concentrated gleam in her eyes as we trekked down the stairs. "Seems a bit strange coming from you."

I scoffed. "Why?" I drawled sarcastically, "Because I'm the guy who snogs my best friend and then sleeps with someone else the very next day?"

Ryleigh smirked at me. "No, because you're the guy who is so afraid of giving yourself to your best friend that you might have already unknowingly given her up."

I froze at the bottom of the stairwell, turning to gape at her. "What…" I trailed off in both shock and confusion, replaying her very intense words in my mind. Swallowing the sudden lump in my throat, I hastily said, "What the hell is Fred telling you?"

"He didn't have to tell me," she spoke, shaking her head. "You kissing her and then sleeping with another girl the next day pretty much already told me. The female mind is one full of perception, Potter, especially when it comes to the very scary concept of commitment."

I really had to remember that.

"Just when I was beginning to like you, you say something to remind me why I don't," I drawled.

She rolled her eyes. "I didn't say anything you didn't already know."

Looking at her, all I could do was shrug. "Whatever you say, Carver," I muttered irritably as I picked up my stride, hoping she'd take the hint and drop the subject.

She didn't.

"Why'd you kiss her?"

I shot her a glare. "Oh, we are so not going to pretend we are best buds."

She smirked. "Afraid to answer the question, hm?"

Yes.

"Oh, look at the time, we're late for class," I grunted, speeding down the next stairwell into the dungeons.

I was grateful when she said nothing more. As the two of us swept into the dungeons right before class was set to start, I instinctively sought out Alice in the crowd of students. She was sitting beside Rudy and while she glanced up as I walked in, she didn't bother acknowledging me as she returned to her conversation with the Head Boy.

There was an empty seat beside Dash so I scooped it up, though I felt bad about it because I knew there wasn't a shot in hell I'd be paying attention in class at all which meant whatever potion Dash and I would be forced to brew together would most likely wind up with a failing grade.

I couldn't get Ryleigh's words out of my head no matter how hard I tried. She seemed to be able to read me a tad too well for someone who barely knew me which made me feel incredibly uneasy. I didn't like anyone knowing my business, especially when I barely knew it myself.

And as I mused over Ryleigh's words during the entire class period, earning myself several reprimands from Dash, one thing became blatantly obvious. That it didn't matter how I felt or how Alice felt, nothing could be done. Whether I spoke to Alice about my feelings or not, we'd have to go our separate ways. There was no other option. Because of one rather large detail that everyone, including me, kept overlooking.

The Code.

My feelings quite literally meant nothing.

And that somehow made me feel even worse.

I didn't even know that was possible.

After Potions, I found Fred alone in our room. He glanced up from the Quidditch catalog and before he could even acknowledge my presence, I said, "I can't tell her the truth."

Fred blinked. "What?"

"I can't tell her," I said sullenly as I dropped on to the edge of my bed. "It doesn't matter what I feel. Nothing can be done about it."

He still looked confused. "Are you talking about AliCat?"

With a nod, I tore off my tie and tossed it on to my bedpost. I said nothing at first, gathering my thoughts carefully in my jumbled mind. I had always assumed my fears stood in the way of telling Alice how I felt but now it wasn't about that anymore. My fears were both real and yet nonexistent at the same time because for once when I said that it didn't matter how I felt, _it really didn't matter_. There was a Code that told me it couldn't matter.

And so instead of just being afraid to feel anything anymore, I turned towards my cousin, ignoring the flutter that grabbed ahold of my heart, and said in a rather vulnerable tone, "I have feelings for my best friend. And I can't do a damned thing about it."

His mouth dropped open. "Did you…just admit that aloud?"

"Yes and you know why?" I grumbled, sitting back down on my bed with a loud grunt. "Because I can't do a damned thing about it."

"You have got to stop thinking that you can't fix-"

"The Code, Fred," I blurted out. _"The goddamned Code_."

Fred froze, a grimace filling his annoyed expression. The slight surprise in his own gaze told me that he had forgotten that minor detail as well.

Did I say minor? I meant major.

"The Code," he muttered. "The fucking Code. _I hate that stupid Code."_

"For once, I'm inclined to agree with you," I murmured. "And just because you're okay breaking it, doesn't mean I am."

He looked at me curiously. "And yet," he spoke softly, "You seemed perfectly okay benching yourself for the good of the team."

Not for the good of the team, for the good of Alice.

"Being a benched player still means being a player," I muttered in a frustrated whisper.

Fred opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out. There was nothing to say to that. I was a member of the same Quidditch team that Alice was on, that same Quidditch team that had a very blatant rule about not dating or even fooling around with your own team members. There was nothing I could do.

Except…

"Unless I quit the team altogether," I found myself saying.

Fred gaped at me, the unmeasurable shock flickering in his stunned eyes. "You don't mean that."

The logical side of my heart would have agreed with him. Only, none of this felt logical anymore. When I ignored what was in my heart, I could focus on logic and rationality. But my heart was involved now and there was absolutely nothing logical about that. My heart didn't yearn for Quidditch, it yearned for Alice. I was at the point where I would do anything to have her back in my life. I didn't even care in what capacity. _I just wanted her back_. And if that meant giving up on Quidditch so as not to have to give up Alice, I would.

"I said it, didn't I?" I spoke softly, my heart suddenly doing all the talking.

He could only gape at me, the shock growing in his wide eyes. "You do realize that that would give you an almost zero chance of having a future in the Quidditch world," he sputtered.

That very thought confused me and scared me all at once. And yet…

"But maybe it would give me a chance of having a future with Alice."

Fred's eyebrows shot straight into his hairline, his gaze filled with so much curiosity and awe. "You really meant that, don't you," he spoke breathlessly, his head shaking from side to side in utter disbelief. "You're…actually considering this."

"Quitting the team?" I questioned with my own amount of uncertainty. "Yeah, but-"

"No, not quitting the team," he said, shaking his head at me. "What quitting the team represents."

I blinked. "You lost me."

There was a shy smile on his face, one filled with an enormous amount of wonderment. "You're actually considering the possibility of being with her."

I froze.

He was right. There was only one reason I'd quit the team and it was because of her. Because of us. Because I'd finally listen to my heart for a change.

But what about her heart? It was a mere fantasy to ever think she could feel the same way about me. She knew my past, knew my reputation, knew the guy who treated women like discarded tissues. She wouldn't want a guy like that. Who would? So was any of this even attainable? Or was it all just a bunch of hypotheticals in my very clouded mind and heart?

I didn't know the answer to that. But I did know one thing.

"I just want her back," I practically pleaded, "In any way that I can get her."

There was an unexpected amount of pride in my cousin's face as he smiled at me. "Then find a way to make it work."

Find a way to make it work.

It was just a small amount of advice and yet it somehow held all the answers. Because right now, it was so easy to use the Code as my excuse. But I was tired of making excuses. I was tired of sitting on the sidelines as everything around me crumbled to the ground. I wanted Alice back in my life, more than I've ever wanted anything, but the Code was currently staring at me and laughing its ass off. I could try to save my friendship with her, if she ever allowed it, but would that be enough? Could it be? How could I be around her knowing that I could never be with her? How could I be around her knowing that I couldn't listen to my heart? How would I be able to get through that torture every day?

Bloody hell, why were matters of the heart so bloody complicated?

There had to be an easier way. _There just had to be._

And I was determined to find it.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

It hadn't taken me long at all to come up with a plan. A really good plan. One of my best if I do say so myself.

Hopefully.

I felt oddly nervous about it as I tuned out Alice who was explaining the rules and the Code to the newcomers on our team at the next evening's Team Meeting. Rose and Lily whined the whole time, reminding Alice that with all of their family members on the team, they knew full well what the policies were and what the consequences were for breaking them.

"Fred knew full well what they were and he broke them anyway," Alice said.

Fred grimaced. "I was wondering when that would come up," he muttered, shaking his head.

"Don't worry, AliCat, we're not nearly as stupid as Fred is," Rose smirked, flashing our cousin a grin.

He glared at her. "Don't make me push you off your broom at the next practice."

"The next practice in which you'll be warming up that nice little bench of yours?"

We all howled at laughter, all but Fred who scowled. "When the hell did I become the butt of the team's jokes?"

"Probably around the time Bishop left and we needed a new punching bag," CJ chimed in with a teasing grin.

More laughter filled the Clock Tower. Fred merely rolled his eyes.

"I think I've said everything I've needed to regarding the Code," Alice spoke to Rose and Lily. "Any questions?"

"Uh, yeah, does anyone else think this was a huge waste of time?" Rose drawled.

Fred didn't try to hide his laughter as Alice shot the sixth year a warning look. "I'm suddenly very much regretting letting you convince me that being on this team was the best interest for us all."

She shrugged. "Sorry but it was pretty much the only way James was going to forgive me and while he can be a total twat most of the time, I didn't need yet another person in this school hating me. I have enough enemies as it is."

I blinked. "I'm not entirely sure if you just insulted me or complimented me."

Rose flashed me a smile but didn't bother trying to straighten it out.

"Well, if there's nothing else anyone would like to add, I suppose this Team Meeting has come to an end," Alice said with a shrug. "Practice at six o'clock-"

"I have something."

All heads swiveled in my direction.

Alice's eyes narrowed at me. "Is it something stupid?"

I rolled my eyes. " _No_."

She looked at me and sighed. "It's probably something stupid."

"I just said it wasn't!"

"Which means it probably is," she muttered irritably.

I rolled my eyes. Even when she was insulting me, I didn't hate it. Because it still meant she was talking to me. "You going to let me talk, Alice, or would you like to continue insulting me?"

"Well, I _am_ quite good at the latter," she contemplated.

I glared at her. She glared at me back.

And then I smiled because I couldn't help myself.

She growled. "What in Merlin's name are you smiling about?"

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Fred roll his eyes beside me but if I told Alice I was happy she was actually talking to me, she'd possibly go back to not doing it to spite me, so I just said, "There's something I'd like to discuss with the team, Alice."

She looked at me carefully, her silence thickening the air, before she finally said, "Well, make it quick. There's a Potions essay with my name on it."

I nodded, a nervous butterfly fluttering around in my stomach as I gazed around at my teammates who I have regretfully failed. I had gone into my seventh year determined to the best Captain Gryffindor had ever seen and I came up completely short. I wasn't a good role model. I wasn't even a good player. I let my personal life affect my game and it messed with my head a little too much. But it was time to reunite as one collaborative unit. It was time to find the solidarity we had once prided ourselves in. It was time to be a team again.

"Eleven years ago, Gryffindor amended their internal Code of Conduct so that no team member was allowed to date a member of their own team," I said, pausing as I let myself look at every single member of the team. I finally settled my gaze on to Alice and said, "Well, I think it's time we abolish that rule."

The looks of shock on their faces was predictable and yet palpable, the very distant hoots of a few owls the only sound to interrupt the thick silence that swept across the Clock Tower. I could feel their every emotion staring at me but I couldn't tear my eyes off of Alice, who appeared to be struggling with the same as an almost indescribable amount of vulnerable disbelief flashed across her periwinkle eyes.

Jax was the first one to speak. "Can we even do that?"

I reluctantly pulled my hopeful eyes away from the confusion in Alice's and glanced over at Jax with a shrug. "I spoke to Neville. He said-"

"You spoke to my dad about this?"

I looked back at Alice and nodded. "Yeah, and he said the only way we can overturn a Gryffindor Quidditch by-law is through a unanimous decision."

Jax nodded contemplatively, his eyes narrowing warily. "So one no, and…"

"The rule stands," I responded, a sick feeling suddenly tugging at my heart.

"Hm" was his response.

More silence filled the room and I waited for someone to say something, to make me feel as if I wasn't making the wrong choice by suggesting it.

"Why?"

That came from Alice and I turned back to her, sensing an unexpected sadness in her voice. "What?"

She looked at me, pausing before clarifying. "Why do you want to abolish the rule?"

The confusion in my teammates' faces turned to an eager curiosity almost immediately. There were many reasons I felt as if the rule should be abolished and I let the reasons dance around my mind for a bit before I finally spoke.

"It was put into place eleven years ago because the Captain and the team at the time wanted to focus on the game and not matchmaking on the pitch. There were some crushes going on and they wanted to nip those in the bud before any possible rift could occur. But this Code is causing more rifts now instead of alleviating them. I may not be able to change the overarching Code as it relates to all the teams—though I so wish I could, Fred—but I can try and change ours. So if my sister wants to date CJ as much as it pains me to say or-"

"Oh, get over it," Lily groaned.

"-or if, I don't know, Jax and Rose suddenly become interested in each other-"

"Uh, what now?" Jax questioned.

"-or if let's say a certain ex-Captain finds himself entertaining some sort of interest in a certain current Captain or-"

"Oh, _really_?" Rose smirked.

"-or if Cass wants to snog the shit out of Hugo, why should anyone stop them?"

"I don't want to snog the shit out of Hugo," Cass argued.

"Ouch," Hugo teased.

She blushed. "No, I just mean, I have a boyfriend."

"Yes, but if you wanted to—hold up, you have what now?" I groaned. Cass smiled sheepishly at me and I shook my head in utter disbelief. "Bloody hell, why is everybody on this bloody team coupling off?"

"I'm not," Hugo pointed out with a smirk.

"Yes, that's why you're my favorite cousin."

As Fred protested, Hugo shot me a look. "I am hardly your favorite cousin, James. In fact, I'm probably your least favorite."

"Nah, that's what we have Rosie for."

"I'm standing right here!" Rose groaned.

I hesitated. "Did I say Rosie? I meant Dominique."

"I suddenly know who _my_ least favorite cousin is," she drawled.

"We are getting way off track here," Alice spoke up with a sigh.

"Yeah, let's go back to that whole ex-Captain showing interest in the now-Captain," Rose smirked and the rest of the team looked up at me with curious gazes themselves.

"It was hypothetical," I lied.

Fred laughed and I glared at him. And before anyone else could say something on the subject, Alice swooped in. "I was more referring to the overturning of the whole no-inner-team-dating rule," she hissed. Feisty. Glancing around at the group, though purposely not daring to look at me, she said, "James has thrown the idea out to the group. Does anyone second it?"

"I do," Fred spoke up almost immediately, his gaze on me. "I say to hell with the Code."

"Er…again, just the internal Code," I reminded him. "You're still stuck on the bench."

He made a face. "I say we take on our Code first and then mutiny against the entire Quidditch organization! We protest all future matches until we get the inner-team dating statute overturned! Who's with me?"

We all stared at him.

"No?"

More stares.

"Not one taker?"

Rose finally spoke. "You're a bloody prat, Fred."

He shrugged, slumping down in mock defeat. "Ah, well, it was worth a try," he said. Hesitating, he added, "But I still second the overturning of the internal Gryffindor dating rule."

While we rolled our eyes, all except for Lily and CJ who were busy darting their eyes back and forth between each other and the rest of us, clearly at a loss for words, Rose spoke up. "I always said that rule was stupid. I vote to absolve it, too."

Ah, Rose, ever the blunt one.

I noticed Jax stealing a glance her way, a hesitant frown resting on his face. Turning away, he caught my eye and I saw a small bit of panic in his eyes before he forced on a smile and said, "Yeah, I third it. Wait, fourth it? Erm…what I mean to say is I'm with Fred and Rose. James, too. So, uh, yeah."

He looked terribly flustered and I couldn't help but smirk, thinking that perhaps he was hiding something up his sleeve that he was hoping none of would catch on to, something that most definitely included Rose.

"Well, I have no reason to fight against this," Cass said with a shrug.

I nodded at her. "So I'm assuming you finally got around to dealing with your feelings for that Miles kid, hm?"

Her cheeks turned red.

Guess that answered that question.

"Nice going," I teased. I watched as her cheeks burned brighter. Chuckling, I turned my gaze on to Hugo. "Well? You gonna chime in here or are you going crush the hopes of your BFFs over there who look like they're about two seconds from crying out of sheer happiness? You going to make them cry for different reasons, kiddo?"

Hugo rolled his eyes. "You paint such a lovely picture, James," he drawled. "Of course I'm all for overturning the rule. If I have to hear CJ whine one more time about the woes of falling for the least selfish person on the planet and how he hoped Quidditch would be worth losing the best thing that ever happened to him or he was going to sneak into your bedroom at night, James, and slit your throat to leave you for dead, I might slit my _own_ throat and that would put the team at yet another advantage in the beater role, something I'm not inclined to disturb."

CJ's face was now bright red. "You weren't supposed to go repeating that second part," he murmured.

I shot my fellow chaser a look. "Killing your love interest's brother puts a damper on the whole dating said love interest, don't you think?"

He shrugged sheepishly. "I hadn't quite worked out all the details," he muttered. "Though, I figured I could ask for Hugo's help in disposing of the body and then no one would be any the wiser."

"I really don't like the idea of my brother being painted as a cold-blooded serial killer," Rose groaned.

Chuckling, I said to CJ, "I'm just going to assume you and Lily are on board with absolving the no-dating rule, right?"

He nodded, Lily just stared at me, her mouth suddenly parted and her eyes wide with gratitude. It seemed that for once in her life, she was actually speechless. Can't say that I hated it.

"Er…well, I'm going to take that as a yes," I said with a nervous chuckle. Slowly, I turned towards Alice who had been suspiciously quiet during all of this. She was staring back at me, a thick skepticism resting rather prominently in her wary eyes.

"Well?" I asked softly. "What do you say, Ace?"

She flinched, albeit very slightly, at the drop of her nickname, a name I hadn't used in what felt like too long. She paused while she thought, calculating the best way to respond like I knew she always did, and it felt completely agonizing. The wait felt like the longest in my life and I could feel my heart begin to race in anticipation of her response.

Her eyes that held mine for what felt like hours finally turned away from me to face the rest of the group. "Looks like it's a unanimous decision."

I beamed and I couldn't help but steal a look at Lily and CJ, both whose expressions were dripping with shocked glee, before glancing back over at Alice with a grateful smile. I opened my mouth to speak, to say something profound, but she cut me off.

"I'll draft the abolishment contract. We'll all need to sign it as soon as possible and then I can file it with the Headmistress," she said, pulling herself off of the window ledge that she had been sitting on. "Go ahead and kiss that boyfriend of yours, Lily. That is, if he'll still have you."

"Oy, no kissing!" Fred groaned, but he was cut off when CJ said, "Of course I'll still have her!"

And we all had to watch a very nauseating reunion of Lily practically jumping into CJ's arms with a relieved laugh.

I made a face and instinctively turned towards Alice, to make some sort of comment about my sanity, but I noticed she was heading towards the door.

I frantically chased after her, ignoring the rest of the team as they all cheered and applauded the reunited couple. "Alice, wait," I called out to her.

She froze in the stairwell and turned around. "For what?" she snapped and there was a confusing amount of anger in her tone. "For you to make yet another announcement to the team without bothering to let me in on it first?"

Well, someone didn't appear happy with me.

I wondered for a brief moment if she was referring to the abolishment of the dating rule or my mini announcement about how I might have feelings towards her but with my excellent detective skills, I quickly deduced that it was probably the latter. "I…I didn't really mean to do that," I admitted guiltily.

She let out a cynical laugh, one full of so much irritation. "Of course not. Because you never mean to do anything," she hissed. "Your whole life is just a series of mistakes that you ultimately regret. And maybe you can pretend your life is something more than it is but I can't. Not anymore."

I knew that while she referred to my whole life, she was really referring to that one kiss we shared. That one kiss in which I told her had been a mistake in which it was far from it. She wasn't a regret. She never was.

"I never regretted anything with you," I practically pleaded.

She frowned. "I wish I could say the same about you."

And before I could say anything, she disappeared down the stairs, leaving me alone with her stinging words.

Only I wasn't really alone. Because the entire team was standing behind me, bearing witness to the explosive shattering of my heart.

"Well," Fred muttered, coming up beside me, "I'm quite certain that wasn't the conversation you were hoping to have with her."

If I had any amount of energy in me, I might have glared at him. But I lacked the ability to feel anything in that moment so I just sighed and walked out without another word.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Ten minutes later, I dropped on to my bed with a frown, pulling Franny out of her cage to let her scurry about. I had been hoping that by abolishing the no-dating rule, that might be a step in the right direction for me and Alice. But instead, it seemed as if we had just taken about ten steps back.

My heart hurt at the very idea that Alice had any sort of regrets about me. Maybe I hadn't given her much choice, but it pained me nonetheless to know just how far we had fallen. I had once believed we were indestructible. But apparently I had been very wrong.

I knew I needed to talk to Alice, now more than ever, but I didn't even know where to start.

Evidently, I was going to start by sitting alone in my bedroom and doing nothing.

I felt Franny nibbling at the bottom of my T-shirt so I reached down and tossed her a pair of socks just as a knock occurred at the door. I barely had a second to wonder who it might be when the door opened and in popped my sister's head.

She made her way over to my bed, reaching over to pet Franny before saying, "You okay?"

"I feel like that question is better targeted at you," I deflected.

She looked up at me. "Why'd you do that?"

"Do what?" I questioned. "Abolish the no-dating rule?"

She nodded.

"I thought that was obvious."

She watched Franny chomp on the edge of my sock, a curiosity growing in her eyes. "You hate me and CJ together," she reminded me.

I nodded. "Of course I do," I said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "He's a teenage boy which means he's rather prone to breaking your heart and whether you like it or not, it's my job as your older brother to try to prevent that from ever happening. I don't ever want to see you get hurt, Lils."

She looked up at me. "And yet you found a way for us to be together."

I shrugged. "Like I said," I spoke softly, "I never want to see you hurt. I couldn't just let you choose me over him. You deserve better than that."

She took a seat on the edge of my bed, her eyes never straying from mine. "Sometimes, you drive me absolutely mad with how much you look over my shoulder. You're convinced you have to be my protector but I don't need you to be. You look out for me no matter how many times I tell you not to. You are constantly butting your nose into my business where it doesn't belong. You have this need to control me but I am not a puppet. You-"

"Where exactly is this little speech of yours going?" I drawled.

She let out a tiny chuckle. "I'm saying that there are times you can quite possibly be the most annoying older brother in the history of older brothers," she said, the edges of her mouth turning upward into a smile. "And then you do something like you did today and you prove to me that you are quite possibly the best older brother in the history of older brothers."

I glanced at her and smiled. "This means you like me more than Al, right?"

She swatted at my leg. "It's not a competition, you dolt."

"But if it was, I'd be winning, right?"

She smacked me again, this time with a laugh. "So why do I think the whole abolishing the internal Code thing wasn't just for my sake?"

"It was," I was quick to argue.

She shot me a look. "You pretty much admitted to the whole team that you might fancy Alice. There has to be a small part of you that was doing this for you."

I frowned. As I had already said, I hadn't been planning on admitting aloud what my heart felt but the words had tumbled out before I could stop them. I didn't hate that it was out there. I hated that Alice didn't respond to it.

Then again, it's not like I gave her any reason to believe it.

"Not like it matters. She still walked away," I murmured with a slow shake of the head.

"Well, what the hell did you expect?" she groaned. "You told the entire team before bothering to let her in on that little secret."

A very good point.

"Correction," I murmured, "I told the entire team at the same time I let her in on that little secret."

" _That's not any better, you dense moron_."

I merely shrugged seeing as I had little argument to that.

Lily sighed, either ignoring the fact that Franny was nibbling at her skirt or just not caring. Her green eyes bore a rather determined hole through mine as a rigid frown appeared on her face. "I can't figure out if you're just scared to talk to her or if you really are out of ideas or if you just don't know what to do to win her back, but you've been doing a whole lot of sitting-around-and-doing-nothing and it's gotten you nowhere. Are you really just going to continue sitting back and doing nothing?"

I remained silent once again, knowing that I was teetering towards the edge of revealing my every heart's desire to the one girl who deserved to hear it. But still, I found myself holding back. She hadn't completely shut me out yet, though she was certainly close to it, and I was afraid that if I finally had the conversation with her that I've been putting off for so long, she'd find a way to shut me out forever. And I was not ready to let her go. I was not ready to face a world that didn't include her. I was not ready for my aching heart to be obliterated into nothing. I was not ready to lose her. _I was not ready to lose us_.

My silence gave Lily the impression she should keep on talking to me. "You aborted the Gryffindor teammate-dating rule, James. You have no excuse not to go after her. So why aren't you going after her?"

Because she walked away tonight. I tried to talk to her and she walked away. Who's to say she wouldn't walk away forever?

"She told me she regretted everything to do with me," I muttered. "What is there to go after?"

She shot me a look. "She didn't say she regretted everything," she spoke testily. "She said there were some things she regretted. And you're going to give her a hell of a lot more to regret if you _don't talk to her_."

Just to have her completely break my heart?

I couldn't bear the thought.

When I said nothing, she pulled herself off the bed with a growl and immediately began to pace the floor. Eventually she turned towards me and said with a bit of an edge in her voice, "You want to know what I think?"

"I think you're going to tell me whether I want to hear it or not," I muttered, turning my gaze on the ceiling with a grunt.

"I think what terrifies you the most is being happy."

I turned my head to her sharply, surprise flickering in my eyes. "What?"

She shrugged curtly. "Once you're happy, you know that it can be taken from you in an instant and you're not prepared for that. You've already been let down so many times in your life with Dad and Mum and Albus and Fred and now Alice that you are so afraid of going after the things that might make you happy because that means opening yourself up to being let down once again," she said, each word sending a punch straight to my heart. "But you deserve to be happy, James. Don't tell yourself you don't."

She wasn't completely wrong. But she also wasn't completely right. Because even though the very idea of getting everything my heart wanted just to have it all one day stripped from me frightened my very soul, it wasn't my happiness I cared about. It was Alice's. And I was afraid that I would be the one to ultimately screw that up for her.

If I hadn't already.

"I don't need to be with her to be happy," I spoke softly. "I just need her to be happy."

Lily looked at me with disapproving eyes. "Yeah, and she seems like a real bundle of laughs right about now."

I could only sigh.

I didn't want to talk to Alice, too afraid to do so, but even I knew I couldn't avoid the conversation anymore. I couldn't let our silence go on any longer if I had any chance of saving us. I knew after telling the team that night that there were some sort of feelings festering around in my heart, I needed to act on them soon or risk never being able to act on them at all. I knew my window of opportunity was closing.

"I'll talk to her tomorrow," I spoke softly.

She sighed. "Why not now?"

Why not now?

Because I needed one more night to straighten my thoughts out. One more night to find the courage to tell Alice the truth. One more night to find a way to silence the fears in my heart. One more night to feel safe and secure in our friendship, no matter how rocky it currently was. One more night to feel like I haven't completely lost her yet. One more night to hope for the best. One more night.

For the record, I didn't sleep at all that night.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Fred could sense my nerves all the way down to the Great Hall. "What is with you?" he asked after I walked straight into a suit of armor.

"I've apparently gotten into the habit of being clumsy," I muttered.

He shot me a look. "Any particular reason?"

Yeah, because I was about to find out exactly where I stood with Alice and that was causing me to be so lost in my own thoughts that apparently even inanimate objects were in my way.

"No," I lied.

He rolled his eyes. "Fine, how about we talk about your lovely announcement at the Team Meeting last night then?"

"The abolishing of the internal Code?" I questioned. "I'm sorry that I can't apply it to the schoolwide-"

"No," he argued. "Your confession to the team that you might have feelings for your best friend."

Oh, right. That.

I snuck a peek towards my curious friend and then sighed. "I'm going to talk to her about it," I murmured, my heart skipping a timid beat. "Today."

His mouth parted. "Seriously?"

I nodded.

He grinned and clapped me on the back. "About damned time."

He laughed but I just shrugged for even though he clearly thought it was for the best, I was still afraid that it might be the exact opposite.

When we shuffled into the Great Hall, I was surprised and disheartened to see that Alice was nowhere to be found. I immediately feared the worst, wondering if she was back to completely ignoring me. But when she didn't show up for Transfiguration, it wasn't me I worried about. It was her.

"Where's Alice?" I asked Fred curiously when there was only a minute left until class was set to start.

He looked at me with a frown. "I've been with you all morning. How should I know?"

I sighed, glancing around the room until my eyes settled on Rudy towards the front. Professor Eckleberry swept into the room but I took a chance and hurried out of my chair, rushing over to Rudy. "Hey, Frankel," I greeted, interrupting his conversation with Hattie. "Where's Alice?"

He glanced up at me in slight surprise. "I don't know. I haven't seen her."

I frowned before nodding my dismissal at him and heading back to my desk. Professor Eckleberry began class but I tuned him out, knowing that something must really be wrong if Alice was missing class. She never missed class. Ever. She only ever missed it for-

Oh, shit.

 _February 9_ _th_.

The anniversary of her mother's death.

I shot out of my chair, startling everyone around me. "Give me a detention if you want, Professor, but I've got to go."

"James, what the hell are—James? _James_?" Fred hissed at me but I ignored him, gathering my books and rushing off towards the exit.

"Mister Potter, you take a seat right this minute!" Professor Eckleberry scolded in slight fluster.

I ignored both of them along with the stunned looks on my fellow schoolmates and fled the room.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I was terribly mismatched in whatever clothing I could find on my floor but I was at least bundled up for the cold, wearing layers on top of layers on top of layers as I shoved open the wrought-iron door and let the wind-swept air nip at my cheeks. The breeze sent tears to my eyes that I had to blink away as I hurried across the grounds and down the gravel path towards the Quidditch pitch. I pulled my scarf tighter around my neck as I wandered through the gates on to the pitch, immediately spotting a silhouette looping through the air.

I watched Alice do figure eights through the sky and circle around the hoops and dive towards the ground and I felt the dull ache in my chest that had been there for two weeks only become more pronounced knowing the pain my friend felt in that moment.

Usually, I joined her in the sky. We hardly ever spoke. We just flew. Today, feeling unsure and hesitant, I wandered up the first two sets of stairs and took a seat in the bleachers, grabbing the small jar of bluebell flames out from under my parka and holding it out in front of me.

The air smelled of snow, the sky overcast with charcoal clouds. The trees in the Forbidden Forest whipped around, the wind gaining speed as the hours passed. But still, I sat there. I didn't know when, or even if, Alice caught sight of me. She didn't acknowledge me once. She just circled the skies, sometimes rushing at top speed and sometimes flying leisurely. Lunch passed. Dinner loomed closer. The sky turned dark as evening came and at some point, the snow began to fall, a light flurry that seemed to swallow Alice in the vast air. With every hour that passed, a little more piece of my heart broke off knowing that I had made so many unfortunate decisions that led to this moment right here. A moment where I should have been by her side, flying along with her, and instead I was just watching from the sidelines.

I wanted to change that. I needed to. I couldn't be the guy on the sidelines anymore. I couldn't just stand by and watch her live her life and know it didn't include me. I needed to be a part of it. I needed her to know I wasn't going anywhere. I needed her to know I would always be there for her. I needed her. I needed her more than I've ever needed anything. And I needed her to know that.

The sun was just beginning to set when Alice finally dismounted and headed off towards the clubhouse. Shivering, I swiftly chased after her.

She disappeared into the clubhouse and I followed her. Pushing open the door into the Gryffindor wing, I ignored the loud beating of my heart and wandered in. I stopped, watching as she unwrapped her scarf from around her neck and tossed it into her locker.

"What are you doing here, James?"

I nearly jumped, not expecting to her acknowledge me. Her back was turned to me as she peeled off her sweatshirt and hung it up.

I considered the question for only a brief moment before I went with the honest answer. "I can't imagine being anywhere else right now."

There was a long agonizing silence that made my heart tighten with so much grief, begging her to say something. I could hear the wind howling against the windows and I welcomed the warmth of the clubhouse, ignoring the clear frigidity that emanated between me and Alice.

She continued to say nothing, tugging her hair out from her ponytail and shaking it against her back. I had the sudden urge to run my fingers through it, to tell her that things were going to be okay. I wanted to reach out and pull her into my arms like I've always done. I wanted to find a way to put a smile on her face. I wanted to be the person to make everything better.

But I knew she didn't want any of that. Not now. So I just continued to wait for her response.

"You avoid me for two weeks and suddenly now you decide to show up for me?"

She unfortunately had a point.

"I will always show up for you, Alice," I spoke softly, perhaps even a bit desperately. "Because when nothing else was going right in my life, you were there to make me feel as if none of that mattered as long as I had you. You deserve that, too."

She remained silent, just staring into her locker without doing or saying anything. An immeasurable amount of time ticked by, the ache in my heart growing with every passing minute. I needed her to acknowledge me. To turn around, to look at me. To tell me to go on, to tell me to start talking. I needed to know she wanted to hear what I had to say.

Eventually, she closed her locker and turned towards me. My heart nearly plummeted straight into my chest as the utter desolation on her face, her eyes red from tears and her cheeks sunken from despair.

"And yet when nothing was going right in my life, you _weren't_ there," she whispered hoarsely, the grief shining through in every word.

My breath hitched at the blunt truth of her words. "I'm here now," I croaked.

She looked at me for only a moment before turning away, the ache in her heart shining through in her hollow eyes. "You had a million chances to show up, James. You had two weeks to come to me, to talk to me, to be there. Two weeks to tell me what was going on with you. With us. Two weeks to fix things. And you didn't," she murmured, her eyes glazing over with blurred tears. "And on today of all days, a day that _you know_ is already hard for me as it is, you suddenly want to strike up a conversation?"

My heart shook with trepidation and guilt. "That's why I'm here," I pleaded. "Because I know that I've made a lot of mistakes but I can't imagine not being here for you on this day. On all future February 9ths and every day in between. I can't lose you, Ace. I can't."

Her bottom lip trembled as she dared look me in the eye, the silence in the room more palpable now than ever. The desolation still stared back at me but there was an unexpected rigidity in her eyes that I had never seen before, a rigidity that seemed reserved just for me. "You already lost me, James," she spoke, her words barely above a hoarse whisper.

I was certain then that my heart stopped.

"You lost me when you kissed me," she continued, her voice rough with regret. "You lost me when you said it was a mistake.. You lost me when you slept with someone else. When you let Rose expose our personal lives to the entire school. You lost me when you lost the Captain's badge. When you nearly cost us the match. And you lost me when you decided to talk about me and about us to Rose and Fred and Lily and Teddy and the whole goddamned Quidditch team _but you wouldn't talk to me_. You've already lost me, James, and you showing up on a day where you've always shown up doesn't change the fact that you haven't shown up at all in the last two weeks."

I felt her slipping away from me in front of my very eyes and I didn't know what to say or do to justify my noticeable absence over the past few weeks.

But that didn't mean I couldn't try.

"I know," I spoke softly. "I know I haven't been there for you. I know I haven't said one word to you about what happened. I know that I held back, that I thought hiding was easier than acknowledging it, that I was so afraid of having this conversation that I didn't have it at all. I know that I screwed up. But I care about you, about us, too much to not be here now trying to fix it."

Her eyes gave away nothing as she stared at me, studying me carefully as we both tried to wrap our heads around the unfortunate situation we were both stuck in. The silence felt deafening, my heart constricting with every second that passed, waiting for her to say something.

And when she did, I wished she hadn't.

"You can't fix it," she whispered, the tears shining in her eyes so suddenly and unexpectedly. "There's nothing left between us to fix."

If I thought my heart had been hurting before it was nothing like it felt now.

"Alice-"

"I'm tired of feeling angry and upset. I'm tired of feeling hurt and betrayed and confused and ashamed. I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of feeling lost and empty. I'm tired of ignoring the heartbreak. This day already represents so much of that for me and I can't go another twelve years feeling that same way over you," she whispered, a single tear rolling down her cheek.

I was losing control. I could feel it. I wanted to stop her from saying anything more because I knew I wouldn't like it but my mind was running a million miles an hour and I didn't know how to stop it. I wanted to reach out and wipe her tears away, to hold on to her for dear life and never let go. To tell her that everything was going to be okay because it had to be okay. I wanted to feel as if this wasn't good-bye. That we had a shot of being happy together once we got past the heartbreak. I wanted her and nothing else.

But she seemed to want something different.

"I don't want you to go another day feeling that way," I croaked out. "That's why I'm here."

One by one, the tears continued to slip out and it killed me to know that I was the cause of them.

"And for the first time in my life, I don't want you here," she whispered, her voice breaking. "I have always put you first, James. Always. I chose you when you needed me back in first year. I've been there for you ever since. I defended you when others called you arrogant and selfish. I always chose your side over anyone else's. I listened to you when you were feeling down. I danced it out when your father found another way to hurt you. I never let you feel alone. I stuck by you when no one else did after what happened with you and Fred. But now it's my turn to put me first. And I think that means saying goodbye to what we used to have."

The pain in my heart exploded, crashing against my lungs and making it near impossible to breathe. I heard her words over and over again in my mind but it was like this wasn't real, like it was just a horrible nightmare that I was desperate to wake up from.

Only, if it was just a nightmare, then why did it hurt so much?

All I could say was, "Please don't do this."

The silent tears continued to stream down her face. She said nothing at first and I just stood there, the desperation pouring from my pleading expression as I waited for my best friend to take her words back or crush my heart forever.

"I don't want to, James, but I have to," she whispered, her periwinkle eyes blinking with so much regret. "When you turned me into just another expendable girl in your life like all the others, you gave me no choice. So just…let me be expendable, James."

I was surprised and slightly horrified by the stinging tears settling into the back of my own eyes. I quickly blinked them away as a stabbing pain traveled through my cold veins at an excruciating pace, taunting me in fits of utter regret. "You are not expendable to me, Alice. _You will never be expendable to me_ ," I pleaded. "You're not like those other girls. You aren't. You mean everything to me. You _are_ everything to me. _Everything_."

She looked at me for a brief moment before turning away, grabbing her jacket off the bench and tossing it around her shoulders. She crossed the room towards me, her eyes never leaving the floor. "You used to mean everything to me, too," she spoke so softly as she stood right in front of me. She paused before slowly raising her eyes to meet mine and said with a powerful determination, "You don't anymore."

I stood there frozen in time, the finality of her words rendering me speechless. I opened my mouth to tell her all the things my heart was feeling, to tell her all the reasons I stayed away for so long, to tell her why she meant everything to me, to tell her how scared I was of both being with her and losing her but my heart was screaming out in paralyzing fear at the veiled goodbye in her words, so paralyzing that I found it impossible to speak.

And as I said nothing, as I just stood there confused and hurt and at a complete loss of words, all I could do was watch as she slipped past me and walked out of the room, taking our friendship with her.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

My feet felt heavy as I somehow made my way back to the castle. I wandered the hallways aimlessly, the dull ache in my heart burning away at my helpless soul. My mind was numb and empty as if I feared my own thoughts.

Everyone kept telling me to talk to Alice and when I tried, my biggest fear happened. I lost her completely.

Maybe not talking at all would have been better.

" _Where the hell you have been all day_?"

It took everything inside of me to actually look up as Fred charged my way, a look of fury in his eyes. On another day, I might have cared or wondered why he was so angry. But not today.

"Everyone is up in arms about us supposedly bending the rules of the Code to fit our team!" Fred scowled. "The other teams are going ballistic! And thanks to our team's Captain and ex-Captain suddenly deciding to go all MIA on our asses, the rest of us have had to deal with the chaos all day! But I now leave it in your hands because I am so done saying the same shit over and over when I shouldn't be the one dealing with it at all. You proposed the change and you should be the on defending it. The Captains called a meeting for tomorrow to evidently discuss it so maybe-"

"Fred."

He stopped short, though the anger didn't leave his eyes. " _What_?"

I had just wanted to stop him from ranting but as I stared at him now, I could see he expected me to have a response to his rant. On another day, I might have. But not today.

So all I did was shake my head and attempt to move past him.

He stepped in front of me with a growl. "Are you seriously trying to walk away from me right now?"

I could have nodded but I didn't have it in me. I just stared at him. Actually, I stared through him. Nothing felt real anymore. Nothing made sense anymore. Nothing mattered anymore.

When I said nothing, he took a step back and frowned. He didn't say anything at first, crossing his arms and carefully studying me. "Where _were_ you and AliCat today?"

The ache in my heart grew at the mention of her name. There was a lump in my throat too huge for words to escape so all I could do was shake my head once more and push past him down the hallway, yearning for my bed that was shouting my name.

I was surprised when he let me go. I wasn't surprised when he didn't let that be the end of our conversation.

"James," he called after me, his voice soft with anxiety, "What happened?"

I stopped but didn't turn around, staring straight ahead at the empty hallway in front of me. I felt moments away from either punching a wall or falling apart into a pool of tears. I felt broken and lost and yet confused and hurt. Regret plummeted through my veins, the doubts singing in my mind. I wanted to crawl into my bed and never come out. I wanted to fly out beyond the horizon and never turn back. I wanted to be anywhere else but here. I wanted to be anyone else but me. It was as if all was wrong with the world and there wasn't a damned thing I could do to right it.

I had never known that such heartache existed, never knew how physically painful a broken heart could ever really feel. It was taking over my entire body, draining me of the very last of my existence and I could barely see straight let along try to string together a coherent sentence.

So it took all of the energy I had left inside of me to say, "It's over."

There was a long pause behind me. "What is?"

That dull ache engulfed my every limb. "Me and Alice," I choked out.

Another pause, this one noticeably shorter. "What did you do this time?" he asked bluntly, a clear edge to his voice.

On another day, I would have felt insulted by the accusation. But not today.

"I did what everyone urged me to do," I whispered. "I tried to talk to her. And yes, the timing wasn't the best seeing as today is the anniversary of her mother's death, but I knew I needed to talk to her. So I did. But maybe I was better off doing nothing because the thing that I was most afraid of happening this whole time happened."

His breath hitched behind me. "Which was?"

I felt another unexpected bristle of tears in the back of my eyes and I frantically blinked them away, desperately trying to overlook the explosion of pain in my heart as it seeped into my bloodstream and buried itself throughout my body.

"She doesn't want to be my friend anymore."

I could have walked away then but my legs felt like lead as I stood there motionless in the middle of the hallway staring out into nothing.

"She said that?" he spoke, his voice soft with sympathy.

A lump formed in my throat. "Not in so many words," I muttered, "But the intention was clear."

I felt his footsteps behind me and before I knew it, he was standing in front of me. I made the mistake of looking up, of seeing the sad regret in his eyes and I quickly turned away, unable to deal with the pity in his expression. I felt it enough in my heart. I didn't need to feel it from him, too.

"Did you tell her you had feelings for her?" Fred practically begged.

No. She was already done with me. There was no need to cause myself any further pain.

I couldn't even speak, the lump in my throat overtaking my throat. So I just shook my head.

"Are you bloody kidding me?" he groaned. "Of course she walked away from you. She still thinks you don't care about her!"

" _It wouldn't have done any good_ ," I whispered hoarsely.

"You don't get it, do you?" he seethed, shaking his head furiously at me. I didn't know where his anger came from but he suddenly had a lot of it. "This whole time, all she has wanted from you, _all that she deserves from you_ , is to know why you kissed her in the first place. And you still haven't told her! You are just so bloody scared of letting her in that you _let her go instead_. This is on you, James, _not her_."

I opened my mouth to retaliate but the words wouldn't form. Closing my mouth, I stared at my friend as the heartbreaking realization settled into my already fragile heart.

Alice wasn't the one who ended our friendship.

I did.

Every time I didn't talk to her when I should have, I put further strain on our friendship. Every time I spoke to someone else before her, I made her feel as if she didn't matter. Every time I kept my feelings to myself, it pushed her further away from me. I hadn't just lost her. I made myself lose her.

"Just think about it, James," Fred spoke through my thoughts, his voice unexpectedly desperate. " _Think about it for just a moment_. Think about her and what she's dealing with. Forget about you, _just_ _think about her for once_."

I looked up at him with all of the energy I could muster. "I-I don't know what she's dealing with because she won't tell me. She…didn't tell me," I muttered regretfully. "She just walked away."

" _Do you blame her_?" he shrieked and I cowered to his screams, looking up at him with a combination of shock and bewilderment for it was evident that Fred had been holding back some of his opinions on how I was handling things and he was no longer looking to hold them back.

He continued, his voice laced with ice. "You kiss her, catching her completely off-guard, and yes, she kicked you out of the room at the time because she didn't know what to think but then the next day she asks you what it meant and you stand there unable to give her a bloody answer, making her think it was just a stupid mistake which hurt and confused her even more because you found a way to make her feel as if maybe she never mattered to you and instead of actually talking to her about it, you turn right around and _sleep with someone else_. In a moment where she's already feeling like crap, you somehow find a way to make her feel even worse! Then you decide not to give a shit about anything or anyone and you lose your Captain's badge without thinking of the consequences and who is the lucky person who is informed she is taking over that role the very morning of the goddamned match? _Alice!_ So now on top of her schoolwork and Head Girl duties and on top of dealing with you, you have to throw yet another curveball on to her already complicated plate. But oh no wait, you're not done there. You next decide to play like shit at the match which not only turns her into the Captain of the Quidditch team but the Captain of a crappy one and if that wasn't enough, her goddamned seeker up and quits on her because you decided to turn that team into a crappy one. By this point, I haven't a damned clue how she was able to hold it together because if it were me, I would have just walked out of school and left everything behind for a world _that didn't totally suck_. And yet, you're not even done making matters worse for her! Because you decide to blab her business to your cousin who then blabs that business to the entire school because that was just what she needed and right when she's about three seconds from imploding, you are practically begging her to let you give up your spot for Rose which makes her far more confused than she already is because up until that point, you were Mr. Asshole who seemingly didn't give a shit about her, and then suddenly out of bloody nowhere, you announce to the Quidditch team that maybe you have some sort of feelings towards her and really, how the hell is she supposed to take that when you've ignored her for the past few weeks? And if all of that wasn't enough to push her into a total mental breakdown, if two weeks full of heartache and confusion and anger wasn't enough to push her over the edge, the anniversary of her mother's death just _had_ to fall right smack at the end of all the other bullshit."

I didn't dare interrupt Fred, not even sure I could, as his words crushed my very heart and soul, the desperation in his words filling me with so much numbing regret.

"Can you even imagine how she must have felt this morning when she woke up?" Fred choked out, pleading with me to try and understand. "Think about it, James. _Really think about it_.Think about how you are feeling right this minute and add on your worst day in history on top of it. _She was at her breaking point_. And that's the moment that you decide you want to have a bloody conversation with her _after saying nothing for two whole weeks?_ How the hell can you expect her to want to still be your friend when you choose to talk to her on the _one day_ out of _three hundred and sixty-five days of the year_ that she already wishes she could forget entirely!?"

All I could do was stare at him, my limbs shaking at the harsh truth now staring me in the face. I was so focused on my own pain and confusion that I never stopped to really consider Alice's feelings. I never thought to wonder what she was going through her mind or what she was thinking. I had been so afraid to admit my own feelings, I never bothered to think about hers. And maybe that was what pushed her over the edge. Maybe that was why she felt compelled to let me go. Maybe the fact that I made it seem as if I didn't care about her made her decide not to care about me at all.

But I couldn't let her go thinking that that kiss meant nothing when it meant everything. I had one last thing left to say, one last thing that she needed to know, one last thing that held all of the feelings I had been keeping from her, _one last thing_ to do before I could walk away with a clear conscience.

It would be an unhappy conscience.

But it would be clear.

And if she still wanted me to let her go then at least I'd know I did everything I could to try and save us.

"I-I gotta go," I spoke frantically, my eyes growing wide in hopeful desperation.

Fred's eyes narrowed. "Oh, no. You have a look in your eyes. I don't like that look in your eyes. _What is that look in your eyes, James_?"

I didn't respond. I just spun around on my heel and took off down the hallway in a full-out sprint.

"What the—where the hell are you—James? _James? Don't do anything stupid_!"

This might be my worst plan yet.

But I really had nothing left to lose.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Not knowing the password anymore, I pounded on the door to the Head Dorm over and over again, an unsettled panic seeping into my veins. "ALICE, OPEN UP!"

I pounded harder against the door, my fist going red and throbbing in slight agony. " _ALICE_!"

The door finally opened and I took a surprised step back.

"You just don't know how to take no for an answer, do you?" Alice muttered.

I looked at her, noticing her swollen eyes and her flushed cheeks, and then I glanced behind her where Rudy was standing with crossed arms and a very displeased look. I couldn't be sure if he was mad at me for nearly breaking down the door or if Alice had confided the end of our friendship to him, but I honestly didn't care. The only thing I cared about was fixing everything I did wrong.

"I'll take no as an answer," I whispered hoarsely. "I will. I'll walk away, I'll let you go, I'll let this be the last chapter of our friendship. I'll say goodbye. I'll do that if that's what you want. If that's what you need. But before I can do that, I need you to know the truth."

Her eyes held so much pain. "The whole truth about what?"

"Why I kissed you in the first place," I blurted out.

She grimaced at the mere reminder and turned her gaze away from me. "I thought we already established that it was a mistake."

"No, the mistake was telling you that it was a mistake," I whispered hoarsely. "When really, it meant everything to me."

Alice looked surprised at those words. She said nothing at first as she stared at me, studying me for all the answers she wanted but was too afraid to get. Her eyes began to narrowed, the small amount of vulnerability that was previously there now replaced with a hard shell of skepticism. "That's funny because I distinctively remember you sleep-"

"Sleeping with another girl the day after I kissed you?" I muttered. "Yeah, I know. _That_ was another mistake. But you know why I did it? Because I was scared. I was scared of what I was thinking and what I was feeling. I was scared of listening to my heart. I was scared of you and of us."

More skepticism filled her gaze, this time paired with confusion. "What was so scary about us?" she practically begged.

I looked at her and said, "Everything."

When I said nothing more, she sighed. "Oh, well, that suddenly clears everything up."

My upper lip twitched as I took a cautious step towards her. I saw her throw her guard up, her eyes becoming rather cagey, but she didn't step back so I took that as a good sign. "You asked me the night it happened and the morning after why I kissed you and I didn't answer you. I didn't answer the question when Fred asked. I didn't answer when Teddy or Rose or Hugo or Ryleigh asked. But not because I didn't know the answer. Because I did know. I knew the minute I kissed you why I was doing it," I pleaded, my voice suddenly filled with an unexpected determination. "I tried ignoring it. I tried avoiding it. I tried everything I could to not feel it. But it was there. It was always there. Even when I was scared of admitting it out loud, the truth was there in my heart."

She looked torn between intrigue and irritation as her eyes grew soft with hesitation. She frowned at me, the wariness painted in her expression, and said in a clipped tone, "And what is the truth exactly?"

I met the skepticism in her eyes. I saw the same fear in her expression that I knew was in mine. I could feel my heart racing as it rattled against my ribcage. This was the moment of truth. I wouldn't be able to take it back once it was out there. And while everything about this moment frightened me and filled me with immense panic, I knew if I didn't say it aloud now, I'd hate myself for it for the rest of my life.

And so I took a deep breath in and finally told her what I should have told her from the start.

"That at some point in the past seventeen years, I fell for you, Alice Longbottom."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

 **A/N:** ::ducks while every fruit and vegetable imaginable is thrown at me::

Oops?

Up next: like I need to spell it out for you...


	24. Friends Don't

**A/N:** As expected, none of you particularly liked that nasty little cliffhanger I left you with. All of you wanted an immediate update. **Specialistinmath** even did advanced math to inform of the best timeframe to update. And while they suggested before the 11th, I guess updating on the 11th isn't so far off. So this chapter is partly for you. Who else is the chapter for? Why, **DeepInMyImagination** of course for inspiring the rather perfect song choice for this chapter. I couldn't have put James and Alice's relationship any better than Maddie & Tae's song "Friends Don't." So here's to those two particular reviewers and here's to all of you others who help make this story worth something.

* * *

 **A WAY WITH WORDS**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 24: Friends Don't

" _Friends don't call you in the middle of the night  
_ _Couldn't even tell you why  
_ _They just felt like saying 'hi'  
_ _Friends don't stand around, playing with their keys  
Finding reasons not to leave  
Trying to hide the chemistry  
Drive a little too slow, take the long way home  
Get a little too close  
We do, but friends don't  
_ _I keep telling myself this might be nothing  
But one look in your eyes and, God, there's something."  
_-Maddie & Tae

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"That at some point in the past seventeen years, I fell for you, Alice Longbottom."

Alice's mouth parted and her eyes grew wide but all she did was stare at me, the overwhelming shock and disbelief dancing across her still fearful expression. The silence was intense, taunting us as it dragged on in an inobtrusive and yet lethal manner. Her bottom lip trembled the way it did when something unexplainable occurred, her eyes blinking almost uncontrollably while her mouth opened and shut a few times, resembling something like a goldfish.

"I don't…I…" she eventually stuttered, not real words forming. " _What_?"

I took a step towards her, to try and explain all the things in my heart that I had been holding back for so long. For too long. All the things she finally deserved to hear even if they did put me in an incredibly vulnerable position, one that I wasn't used to nor particularly enjoyed. But I had to do it for her. For us.

"I didn't kiss you that night because I was playing a game, Ace. I didn't kiss you because I was vulnerable. I didn't kiss you because I was upset over Fred. I didn't kiss you because I needed a distraction," I whispered hoarsely. "I kissed you because you had my heart for seventeen years and I didn't realize it until that very moment."

Her expression hadn't changed except that the shock in her eyes grew. She just stood there staring at me for an agonizingly long time, either processing what I said rather slowly or trying to come up with a way to let me down. The silence was palpable, the tension thick. Our eyes were locked in a battle of insecurities and fears, neither of us able to tear our eyes off of each other. I don't even remember blinking. I just stared at her out of pure desperation, the emotional truth of my words overwhelming us as they dangled helplessly in the thick air.

And for a second time, all she said was, " _What_?"

It was a slightly comical response considering all I had said, but it wasn't unexpected. To say I caught her off-guard would be the understatement of the century. I had had two weeks to process how I felt, and it still frightened me, but she only had two minutes and though I couldn't tell if she was scared or just confused, perhaps a combination of both, I knew that all I could do was reassure her that I meant every word I was saying.

"I don't know when it happened. I never meant for it to happen. But it did," I hastily explained, the desperation dripping from my every word. "We aren't just friends, Ace. We've always been so much more. You're the girl I've always hated walking away from even if it's just at the end of any normal night. The girl who can make me smile just by walking into the room. I cancel plans for you because you're the person I want to be with all the time. And I hexed guys who asked you out and I hated the ones that just smiled at you, not because I was trying to protect you but because it's so painfully obvious to me now that I didn't want you to be with anyone else. There may have been other girls but none of them meant anything to me because the only girl I've ever wanted was standing right in front of me this whole time. Nothing in this world matters more to me than you, Ace. Nothing matters at all if I don't have you."

I was on a roll with the heart-exposing speeches and based off the shock and bewilderment in Alice's eyes, that didn't go unnoticed. When she wasn't looking shocked, she was looking confused. When she wasn't looking confused, she was looking overwhelmed. I could only imagine what her mind was going through, a clutter of conflicting emotions trying to fight it out. And all I could do was wait patiently for her mouth to catch up with her mind.

Her head began to shake from side to side, the bewilderment growing in her eyes and once again, she opened and closed her mouth a few times, the words never quite forming, until out of nowhere, she suddenly blurted out, "Quidditch."

I stared at her. "What?"

She shook her head again as if she was confused by her own words and took a sharp breath, one that felt frantic and befuddled, to say, "You can't say nothing else matters to you but me. Quidditch matters to you. It's always been your go-to. Your default. Your comfort zone. We may be best friends, perhaps closer than we ever realized, but you have to know that there's more to your life than me, James."

Her words should have confused me, but I somehow understood her desperate inclination to deflect my shocking confession, to give herself time for the truth to set in. It was just another way for her to keep her guard up, keep that hard shell around her heart from breaking for we both knew if anyone could break it, it would be me. But I wasn't looking to break it. I was just looking for a way in.

"No," I spoke softly, slowly shaking my head, "You've always been my comfort zone, Ace. My default. My go-to. Not Quidditch. Quidditch is just a game. _You_ are my life. I'd quit the team today in a heartbeat if that somehow meant having you back in my life."

Her eyes gave away no emotions. "You don't mean that."

The truly scary and yet exhilarating thing was that I did mean that. For the first time in my entire life, I was seeing things clearly. And the only thing that I needed my future to contain was her. "You once said that I'd know if the right girl came along if I'd give up Quidditch for her," I nearly choked out, "Well, you were right. I just didn't know at the time that that right girl was you."

Her bottom lip trembled vulnerably and she bit down on it to stop it, the hesitant curiosity resting heavily in her eyes. The silence overtook us once more, our eyes meeting in haste. The hallway seemed to grow smaller and smaller before it quietly quickly faded away, leaving only the two of us standing there with locked eyes and heavy hearts.

Until-

"Well, damn, girl, if you don't kiss him, I will," an unexpected voice broke through our thoughts.

Both of us turned towards Rudy, startled.

He smiled sheepishly, slowly tiptoeing backwards. "You guys forgot I was here, didn't you."

Alice and I stared at him, our reddened cheeks answering for us, before Alice slowly turned towards me, a curious expression resting in her vulnerable eyes. "You are aware that you just poured out your soul in front of him, right?"

I grimaced. "Er…well, now I am."

Silence filled the air until she spoke again. "So," she said softly, "If you want to take any of it back, now's the time."

I turned towards her sharply. "Is that what you think I want to do?"

She said nothing and I could see she was almost trying to convince herself that none of this was real, yet another way to protect her heart.

"I don't care that he heard," I pleaded, shaking my head vigorously. "He can go shout it from the rooftops and tell the entire school if he wants to. Hell, he can sell this story to the press. _I don't care_. All I care about is you, Ace. That's all I've ever cared about. This isn't just a speech I made as some sort of last resort to fix what we had. It's the truth. It's the truth I should have told you a long time ago."

She still looked wary but I didn't have much time to read into it before the Head Boy was clearing his throat. "I'm still standing here."

I shot him a look. "Yeah, and why is that again?" I drawled in slight irritation.

"Well, for one, I'm incredibly interested to see how this all turns out."

I pointed down the hallway. "Leave."

"But-"

"Now."

" _But -"_

" _Good-bye, Frankel_."

He frowned and disregarding the impatience in my tone, glanced down at Alice. "You going to be okay?"

I prayed to every God that was listening that she would say yes.

She glanced up at me hesitantly before glancing back towards Rudy with a small nod. "Yeah," she said softly. "I'll be fine. You should go."

With a cautious nod, he fixed one last stare on me before disappearing down the hallway.

Awkward tension coated the two of us as we once again looked at each other, the hesitant skepticism in her eyes more evident now than ever, the kind of skepticism that scared me because I feared she'd still be convinced letting me go was the answer. And maybe it was for her. Maybe I was too late. Maybe the mistakes I made with Alice were too much. But I hoped I was wrong. I knew I didn't deserve her after shutting her out for so long, after being too afraid to feel anything that I decided to feel nothing. I haven't done anything to warrant her forgiveness. But I was desperate for it, feeble and defenseless without her. She was my oxygen, the person that made my life worth living and all I wanted to do was to hold on tightly to her once again and never let her go. But she had to let me first. She had to say something. And so I had to wait for her to say something.

She opened her mouth and I felt my heart race like a fast broom through the sky. She said, hesitantly and curiously, "You'd really quit the team for me?"

Slightly taken aback by the random question, it took me a few seconds to register what she was asking. But all I could do was nod. "I would do anything for you, Ace," I whispered.

She looked at me for only a brief moment before turning away, the confusion and shock still resting heavily in her eyes. It scared me and enticed me all at the same time. I hated not knowing what she was feeling or thinking, especially after laying my heart on the line when that was not something I was prone to doing.

"When…" she trailed off, shaking her head in clear confusion. "When did this happen?"

I could only shrug. "I don't know," I admitted bashfully. "I don't know if it gradually happened over time or if it happened all at once. I just know that that night that I kissed you, it only took one look at you for me to realize that those feelings existed. That maybe they existed all along. That maybe you were so much more than a friend to me. That maybe you were, and always would be, the only girl I belong with."

Her eyes became smothered in so much gratitude and yet I still saw the skepticism and the fear staring back at me, clearly just as afraid to hear what I was saying as I was to say it. "Has anyone ever told you that you have a real way with words?" she nearly choked out.

I offered her a smile but shook my head. "I really don't. I'm pretty terrible with them actually," I murmured. "Except with you. Because you bring out the best in me, Ace, even when there isn't all that much good to bring out."

A sadness flickered across her otherwise vulnerable expression. "You have a lot of good inside of you, James," she whispered.

I wondered what I had to say or do to get her to go back to calling me Jay.

Shaking my head at her, I just blurted out, "The last two weeks say differently."

She said nothing at first, the skepticism restored in her hesitant gaze, but eventually she looked at me and said, "But you're here now."

I looked at her, my heart beating a mile a minute, and said, perhaps a bit fearful of the answer, "And exactly where is 'here,' Ace?"

If my heart was beating fast, I could only imagine what hers was doing as the fear once again stared back at me. "I-I don't know," she admitted.

Well, that was better than her saying 'nowhere.'

"I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around all of this," she spoke softly, wrapping her arms defensively around her torso.

"I know," I said with an awkward shrug and only then did I realize just how close we were standing. Reluctantly, I took a step back, giving her the space she needed. "I know I just threw a lot at you. And I'm not expecting it to mean anything. It doesn't have to. I just needed you to know the truth."

Her bottom lip trembled as she met my desperate gaze. "I've missed having you around," she spoke softly.

That sounded promising.

"But sometimes it hurts more being with you than it does without."

Or not.

"You broke my heart, James, and you didn't even know you did it," she spoke in a clipped tone.

There was that damned given name again.

"Don't hate me for saying this but I'm still not sure I know exactly how I did that," I whispered softly. "Was it just because you thought I was treating you like I've treated every other girl I've been with?"

I could have sworn there was a flash of panic across her periwinkle eyes but it was quickly replaced with an unexpected hardness, yet another sign that she was throwing her defenses up. I just didn't know exactly what she was trying to protect herself from.

"I just felt used by you," she muttered. "I felt lost and hurt and betrayed. So I let myself get used to the idea that I couldn't do this anymore. I got used to the idea of letting you go. Of knowing I cared for my best friend who didn't care about me. I got hurt by the one person I never thought would ever hurt me, the one person in the world I trusted most, and that feeling was completely unbearable."

Every word she spoke made a piece of my heart crumble.

Our eyes locked, blue meeting brown, fear meeting fear. "I don't know if I could go through that again," she whispered.

Ignoring the tremor in my heart, I took a step towards her. "I am not perfect," I spoke softly. "I know that if you let me back in your life, there's a good chance that I'll find a way to screw it up again. I know I don't deserve you in my life. I know that our friendship is strained now and I know that I did that to us. But I also know what it's like to watch your heart break in front of my very eyes and know that I caused that. And there isn't a damned thing I wouldn't do to make sure I never have to see that again. Not from me. Not ever."

There was a shimmer of tears painted in the side of her eyes as she looked up at me, the trepidation and confusion now replaced with an unexpected vulnerability. The silence dragged on, our eyes locked in a battle of hesitant hope. I felt my heart pounding against my ribcage as I waited for her to say something, _anything_ , to quiet the guilt in my heart.

"You really do have a way with words," she choked out.

"Only with you, Ace," I pleaded and I took a cautious step towards her. "I know I don't deserve a second chance from you but I'm begging you for one. I need you in my life, Ace. I need you."

A tense silence spread throughout the hallway as I stared into the bright blue eyes of a girl who I could see was just as scared as I was to take another leap. I felt my heart beating at a rapid pace as I waited for her to speak, begging for her to take the first step down the road of forgiveness. I had told her everything. I stopped letting my head interfere with my heart and I laid my heart on the line. My feelings were out there. I couldn't take them back, nor did I want to. I just hoped that she needed me as much as I needed her.

When I saw her slowly shake her head, my heart plummeted into my chest. "I-I don't know if it's that easy, James," she muttered.

My heart plummeted straight into my stomach.

"It can be," I pleaded.

"You told me that you fell for me at some point in the last seventeen years," she murmured, an intense amount of uncertainty suddenly shining through in her words.

I felt an unexpected rush of tears prickle the back of my eyes.

"It doesn't have to mean anything," I croaked out.

She shook her head. "I can't just ignore that, James."

My mouth went dry and my mind went numb. This was what I was afraid of. I was afraid of telling her the truth and losing her anyway.

"I can't just ignore it because at some point in the past seventeen years, I'm pretty sure I fell for you, too."

Time stopped.

I froze.

All I could do was stare at her.

Until eventually, I had the same reaction that she initially did to my confession. " _What_?"

"I didn't mean for it to happen," she spoke softly, her bottom lip trembling. "I certainly didn't want it to. You weren't exactly available to me, to anyone really, but…I fell anyway."

I blinked. "You have feelings for me?" I croaked out.

She looked up, hesitation glazing her eyes. "I tried ignoring them. And for so long, I did. They didn't need to mean anything. I knew it would never amount to anything. So I pretended they weren't there. I dated other guys, or at least tried to. I let myself move on. And I was okay with that. I would have been okay with that. But then you kissed me. And what's worse is, you couldn't even tell me why."

"I didn't tell you why because the why scared me," I whispered desperately.

She nodded slowly. "I get that. Oh, believe me, I get that," she spoke, her lips tugging upward into a grateful smile. "And I am thankful that you told me because for so long, it was killing me inside to think that the guy I had fallen for, the guy who also happened to be my best friend, only kissed me because I was the only person in the world he hadn't kissed before."

Ouch.

"That's not why I did it," I choked out. "I kissed you because in that moment, you were the only girl in the world I wanted to be kissing."

A small smile appeared on her face followed by a nod. "I know that now," she whispered. "I just don't know what to make of it."

Welcome to my world.

My heart felt things for her I didn't know it could feel and that was confusing and overwhelming and all I really wanted in that moment was to go back to the way things used to be, to an easier time where things made sense. And so I said in a very cautious and yet pleading tone, "You don't have to make anything of it. I am not asking for anything to change between us. I am just asking for your forgiveness."

The silence overtook us once again, the hallway becoming something of an eerie shadow as I looked at her with desperation in my eyes and she looked at me with reluctance. I had laid all my cards on the table, exposing the truth that I had long kept hidden with the discernable realization that if I didn't, I'd regret it forever. And now all I could do was wait and hope that that confession was enough to salvage what was left of our friendship.

I heard her let out a quiet sigh and when I looked into her periwinkle eyes, I was elated to see a small smile resting on her face. "Forgiveness, hm? That's…that's what you're looking for here?" she asked, perhaps with a hint of confusion.

I was confused, too, but only for a moment before I realized that requesting a reunited friendship from someone who I just poured out my heart to could seem a bit conflicting to her. But even though I had some unexpected feelings for the girl standing in front of me, my best friend of seventeen years, that didn't mean I expected anything to come from it. I hadn't expected her to feel the same. I hadn't expected this conversation to go in the direction it had gone. And the truth was, I was hardly prepared for it. I had come here to tell her the truth as way of saving our friendship, saving everything that had ever meant anything to me. But that truth didn't need to change us. I needed for it not to change us.

And so I nodded because all I really wanted was to know I haven't completely screwed this up. "I told you kissing you was a mistake, Ace, but the only mistake I made was not telling you why I really did it," I whispered pleadingly. "And now that I have, I'm begging you to forgive me because all I really want, all I really need, is my friend back."

She appeared to be carefully pondering my words, a small and curious frown fading into her expression. I was a bit confused to see that she looked almost dismayed, as if those weren't the words she had wanted me to say. But before I could read into it any further, she turned away from me, her gaze finding a particular spot on the floor in hesitant contemplation. I didn't know what she was thinking, if it was a good thing that she was thinking at all or if it was about to ruin me, but there wasn't much I could do except hold my breath that my best friend had it in her heart to forgive a guy for making so many mistakes with her.

"Okay," she eventually said, t he one word barely above a whisper.

I hesitated. "Okay?"

She nodded. "Friends it is, James."

So much of me filled with relief and happiness, my heart suddenly feeling full again at those four simple words.

And yet, there was a part of me, so small that I deemed it insignificant, that felt oddly disappointed. As if those weren't the words I had wanted _her_ to say.

But I pretended not to notice, too confused and too scared to analyze what it could mean and too happy to know I had somehow earned Alice's forgiveness, so instead of questioning myself, instead of perhaps questioning her, I just reached over to pull her into a tight embrace.

She let out a light, surprised laugh as I whispered into her ear, "The name is Jay."

A goofy smile filled her face as she wrapped her arms around me. There was hesitance in her eyes but happiness in her smile. "I really hated not speaking to you these past two weeks."

"I know the feeling," I muttered with a sigh. "I'm sorry for not talking to you. For being afraid to talk to you. And God, I'm sorry if I ever made you feel as I didn't care about you. I'm sorry for making you feel as if you didn't matter to me when you were about the only thing that ever did. I'm sorry I put distance between us. I'm sorry that…Merlin, I'm just sorry for everything, Ace. I really am."

She looked up at me through her dazed smile. "That's the first time you've actually apologized."

I was all ready to disagree when it dawned on me that she was right. In the few times I had talked to her, the words 'I'm sorry' had never actually come out of my mouth.

"Damn," I muttered with a shake of the head, "No wonder people always say I'm bad at apologies."

She chuckled and stepped out of my embrace. "Well, for what it's worth, you're getting much better at them, James," she spoke, smiling up at me. Hesitating, she said, "Jay."

I grinned. Oh how I missed her.

"I never knew how much I could miss a nickname until I stopped hearing it from you these past two weeks," I commented curiously.

"Feels good to say," she said with another smile.

"Feels even better to hear," I urged, wrapping my arm around her shoulder and steering her towards the door of her common room. "Now, I only have one question left for you."

She looked up at me inquisitively.

"What the hell did you change your password to?"

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Alice and I spent the rest of the evening together, catching each other up on two weeks worth of information. We discussed the team and how our reunited friendship was only going to make us stronger. We chatted about Jax's sudden anger issues. I told her about my conversation with Teddy. She told me about her many conversations with her father. It felt like old times. We teased each other, we laughed, we had our serious moments, and it was as if nothing had changed between us.

Except that every time her hand would brush against mine, I felt an electric charge race through my body. Every time she smiled, I found myself staring enviously at her upturned mouth. Every time she laughed, it sent an elated chill down the back of my spine.

It was completely maddening because I was determined not to screw things up with Alice again but my heart appeared to have a different plan, one that turned me into a lovesick fool.

 _What the hell was happening to me_?

And…

Did she feel it, too?

She had said she had feelings for me and I had said the same to her and yet there we were as mere friends. It made sense to me for I could hardly imagine Alice desired a relationship with me, the guy who screwed up every single relationship he had ever had. And if she had wanted something more, if she was looking for an actual relationship, she would have said something. Alice wasn't one to hold back. She never had any problems talking to me in the past. She had always been the honest one and while I liked to believe I was honest with her, I was a very flawed man and therefore perhaps wasn't always as honest as I thought. And she deserved better than that, she always had, so all I craved from her was a friendship because I knew how to be a friend to her. I didn't know how to be anything more.

It was just after nine o'clock when Alice kicked me out of her room, insisting that she had to finish her Transfiguration revisions. I tried stalling her but she saw right through me and eventually, I left with a reluctant sigh.

I had put up a fight about leaving but I didn't completely hate the idea, needing some quiet solitude for the many thoughts swirling around in my head.

 _It doesn't matter that you might (okay, definitely) like her, she's just your friend._

 _Why are you acting so awkward around her? It's just Alice, your best friend of seventeen years._

 _Who you wish was something more._

 _No! Stop thinking like that. She. Is. Your. Friend._

 _Who your heart so clearly wants._

 _Even though your head is telling you no!_

 _Listen to that head of yours. It hasn't steered you wrong yet._

 _Oh, who am I kidding, all it's ever done is steer you wrong_.

By the time I got back to the common room, my head was spinning even more than it was before.

Fuck.

I was in so deep.

When I muttered the password and wandered into the common room, I wasn't at all surprised at how packed it was. I was hoping to slip past everyone undetected but evidently, hope was not on my side that night.

"Well, _there you are_ ," my sister's irritable voice projected.

One look her way showed me that she was currently surrounded by Rose, Hugo, and Fred. Clearly, a family reunion was currently being held and my presence was unfortunately being requested.

"And here we thought you were all dead in a ditch somewhere," Hugo drawled. Hesitating, he added, "Not because I killed you and buried the body because I feel like it needs to be said that I don't _really_ know how to hide dead bodies."

I stifled a laugh. "Well, I'm here now, aren't I?"

"Yeah, and a load of dung that does us _now_ ," Rose grumbled.

My eyebrow shot up. "What did I do this time?"

"Are you bloody kidding me, Potter?" Rose snapped, punching me in the side.

Ow.

"You pulled a goddamned disappearing act all day and left the rest of us to deal with the aftermath of the no-dating rule abolishment _you_ suggested!" Rose grunted.

Oh. Right. In all of the Alice and me drama, I definitely forgot about the rest of the drama going on around me.

I glanced over at Fred who was staring at me with an intense curiosity. "You didn't tell them?" I asked.

Fred just shrugged. "Wasn't sure if you wanted me to say."

"Didn't tell us what?" Hugo questioned, looking back and forth between Fred and myself.

Fred ignored him, his eyes still zoned in on me. "How'd it go?"

"How'd what go?" Lily interrogated.

I met Fred's intense gaze. "I've been gone for four hours. How do you think it went?"

"Gone for _what_?" Rose demanded.

The others all went ignored as Fred and I continued sharing a look. "I assumed she murdered you and was using that time to bury the body."

" _What are you two babbling about_?" Hugo growled.

"And you didn't come after me?" I groaned, shooting Fred a look. "True friendship right there."

"If I had gone after you and realized she killed you, I would have helped her bury the body," he said with a shrug. "Or at least asked Hugo for advice on how to bury dead bodies."

"Okay, again, I really don't know anything about that," Hugo whimpered.

"Don't encourage this ridiculous conversation," Rose snapped at her brother before turning her gaze back on to me. "We've stupidly been worried about you, James, and now you and Fred are keeping some kind of secret and it's making me want to throttle you both so unless you want me to do that, out with it. _What. Is. Going. On?_ "

I met Fred's gaze again and he merely waved his hand towards me as if to say it was my story to tell. Shrugging, I considered my words very carefully, and said, "Today is the anniversary of Alice's Mum's death. She spent most of the day flying, I spent most of it on the bleachers."

An awkward silence fell over us as the two girls exchanged looks of what appeared to be moderate guilt and Hugo frowned sympathetically.

"Oh," Rose eventually said. "And…she didn't mind that you were there?"

"Oh, no, she did," I argued with an awkward shrug. "At the time anyway."

When I said nothing more, Fred's eyes narrowed into curious little slits. "But not now?"

I shook my head, a sly smile creeping on to my face. "Looks like the team is going to be just fine because Alice and I worked out our differences. We're back to being friends again."

Four identical looks of elation and skepticism quickly followed.

"Friends?" Fred spoke hesitantly. "That's it?"

I shot him a look. "What did you want us to be? Lovers in the night?"

"Uh, yes, actually."

I smacked him with a pillow and then shoved him for good measure. "I am just happy that things are back to normal around here."

"How the hell did you manage to get her to forgive you?" Rose questioned. "She seemed pretty deadset on never speaking to you again."

"Oy, that's not true!" I huffed. "She's been talking to me all week."

"Calling you every incompetent name she could think of on the pitch," she drawled. "Not sure I'd refer to that as actual _talking_."

I folded my arms across my body. "Well, we're talking now," I spoke in a clipped tone, "Things are good again. Really good."

"Not that good considering you're only friends," Fred muttered.

I felt an unexpected heat rise to my cheeks. "Why do you keep harping on that?"

That had all of them laughing which only made me scowl. "Uh, did you forget that you kinda told the entire time you might have some feelings for her in that otherwise cold chest of yours?" Rose reminded me.

I looked over at her with a twinkle of warning in my eyes. "Yeah, well, not everyone _acts upon their feelings_ , Rosie Dearest," I spoke, raising my eyebrow at her.

Her face flushed and I had a feeling she knew that I was referring to Jax. "Good point. Friends it is," she said in a rushed tone, grinning sheepishly at me.

The others bobbled their heads back and forth at us, clearly recognizing that we were speaking some unspoken language but before any of them could comment, noneother than Jax himself dropped on to the arm of the couch and said, "Looks like someone came back from the dead. I'm assuming these guys already told you that there isn't a single person in the entire school who seems to think our contract to abolish the no-dating rule for our team should stand."

I inwardly thanked him for the change of subject, though the change of subject was just as irritating. "Yeah, and who the hell cares what anyone else thinks?" I grumbled. "This has nothing to do with them. It's a _Gryffindor team_ decision. And the people on said team have already unanimously voted to abolish the rule. It's a done deal."

The others looked skeptical and it was Rose who spoke next. "Something tells me that might be wishful thinking."

Yeah, it totally was.

There wasn't a doubt in my mind that Brooks Pruitt would do everything he could to make sure that the abolishment of the no-dating rule wouldn't stand.

But until I was told otherwise, I was going to assume we were in the clear.

For now anyway.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"Alright, out with it."

I glanced over my shoulder as Fred snuck behind me on the boys' stairwell. "Er…out with what?"

"What the hell happened with you and AliCat?" he begged. "I am dyingfor details."

I gave him a quick onceover. "You look pretty good for a dead guy."

He glared at me. "I am in no mood for your stall tactics so don't even try."

I glanced towards my bedroom door but didn't go in for I knew Dash and Parker were most likely inside and I did not want to have either of them overhear this conversation. "I told her," I spoke softly, glancing back down at Fred.

His eyebrow shot up. "Told her what?"

I shot him a look. "You know what."

He smirked. "Well, I'll be damned. You finally told her you had feelings for her, didn't you."

I nodded, that weird sinking feeling burrowing in the bottom of my stomach again.

"And?" he urged.

"And what?"

"What did she say?"

I hesitated, looking at the eagerness in his eyes and wondering if he already suspected, or even knew, that I hadn't been the only one to develop feelings for my best friend. "She told me that she felt the same," I spoke softly, a nostalgic smile creeping on to my lips.

His eyes lit up and a smile took over his entire expression. Until it quickly faded into a confused frown. "And yet…" he trailed off, shaking his head. "You're just…friends?"

I let out a sad sigh and dropped down on to the edge of the landing. "That's what we decided."

His eyebrow popped upward. "'We?'"

"Yes, _'we_ ,'" I grumbled. "It was a mutual decision."

"But…" he trailed off again, looking even more confused than I felt, "Why?"

"Because I asked her to take me back as her friend and she said yes," I drawled.

He looked at me, his eyes slowly narrowing. "But is that all you really want?" he questioned. "To be her friend?"

"I want her, Fred," I spoke in a pleading tone, "I didn't care how I got her, I just wanted her."

He did not look convinced. No, actually, he looked quite frustrated. "So let me get this straight," he drawled. "You like her. She likes you. But you decided to…be friends. Yeah, that makes complete sense."

I shot him a look and he just shot me one back. "She didn't ask me for anything more."

"You didn't ask her either!"

Good point.

"She would have said no," I muttered for what kind of crazy person would want to get involved with Mr. Anti-Relationship himself?

He let out a loud groan. "She admitted she had feelings for you, James. She didn't have to do that but she did," he sighed. "So maybe she wouldn't have said no. Maybe she was just waiting for you to ask."

That logic almost sounded good. Almost.

But I wouldn't even know where to begin. At this point, I was just desperate to rebuild our friendship. I couldn't even imagine trying to develop a relationship with her, not when I was hardly an expert on how to maintain a lasting commitment. She deserved someone who knew what they wanted and knew how to get it. She deserved someone who knew how to treat her right and as evidenced by the last two weeks, perhaps I wasn't that someone. Not right now. Maybe one day. But for right now, I was happy with just being her friend again.

If only I could get my heart to agree.

"I'm tired," I muttered, pulling myself off the top stair. "I'm going to bed."

Fred tried protesting but I quickly escaped into the bedroom before he could get in another word.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I slipped out of the room the next morning before Fred awoke, knowing he'd want to dive right back into our conversation we started the night before. A conversation I couldn't get out of my mind no matter how hard I tried. I dreamt of Alice all night, and not the Alice that was my friend but the Alice that I kissed.

I woke up more confused than ever.

Had she just been waiting for me to ask? Waiting for me to tell her that I wanted to be with her? Like myself, was she just afraid of making the first move, afraid of being rejected? Was not asking her out just another one of my mistakes?

I wish I knew the answers to any of those questions but I didn't. And perhaps my biggest fear was getting them.

What I did know, about the only thing I knew, was that my every thought was consumed by her and I wondered when the time would come that my heart would stop racing every time I did.

Evidently that time wasn't today for as I made my way down to the Great Hall, I caught her chatting with Rudy just outside of the entrance and my heart suddenly did somersaults like never before.

Jumping behind a hallway, I peered around the corner at the two of them. He leaned in close to her and said something that made her laugh and I found myself scowling, wondering what Mr. Head Boy could possibly be saying that Alice found just so positively hilarious.

"Spying on your ex-friend, hm?"

I yelped and whirled around at a now smirking Reese. Glancing over my shoulder, I noticed that my exclamation had caught the attention of the Head duo. And Alice didn't appear to be laughing anymore.

Frowning, I turned back to face the Slytherin. "We're actually friends again," I corrected. "And no, not spying. Just…watching."

Her eyebrow popped upward. "How is watching any better than spying?" she snorted. "And you two finally made up?"

I ignored her first question and nodded to the second.

She let out a low whistle. "Impressive. And here I thought you fucked that up for good."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence," I drawled.

She smirked and her eyes flickered past my shoulder before landing on my own eyes once again. "You apparently aren't the only one into stalking today."

"I was not stalking Ace," I scowled. Hesitating, I said, "Is she looking over here?"

"Yeah, and she doesn't look happy," Reese said, her brow furrowing. "Does she know you two are friends again?"

I shoved the Slytherin playfully on the shoulder before whirling around and heading over to where Alice appeared to be ignoring whatever Rudy was currently saying to her.

"Hi," I greeted her, also ignoring Rudy.

"Hi," she greeted me back.

When that's all we said, Rudy chimed in. "And hello to you, too, Potter. Lovely morning we're having, aren't we. Any more feelings you want to confess to toda— _oof_."

If Alice hadn't elbowed him in the side, I definitely would have.

"You're free to go now, Frankel," I dismissed, nodding towards the Great Hall.

"Okay, you can't just keep telling me to leave and expect me to list-"

" _Good-bye, Frankel_."

He tossed his arms into the air in clear impatience but with a reluctant shake of the head, he sighed and disappeared into the Great Hall.

"What's with you and Frankel?" I questioned in an unexpectedly clipped tone.

She scoffed. "What's with you and Reese?"

That question threw me for a loop. "We're friends. You know that," I spoke. "And why do you care?"

"Why do you care what's going on with me and Rudy?" she asked in a slightly raised voice.

Because evidently jealousy was rearing its ugly head.

I said, "I don't."

"Then why were you eavesdropping around the corner?"

"I wasn't eavesdropping," I argued. "I couldn't hear what you were saying."

She shot me a look. "That's your defense?" she drawled. "You couldn't hear me so of course that means you weren't eavesdropping?"

"I didn't say it was a good defense," I said sheepishly.

She rolled her eyes. "C'mon, let's go get breakfast," she muttered, her voice laced with irritation.

I grabbed her arm before she could take off. "Twelve hours of being friends again and we're already arguing with each other. That has to be some sort of record."

She looked up at me with a frown. "I guess we're still easing our way into the friendship."

I wasn't sure I liked the sound of that. "What were you and Rudy talking about?"

She seemed confused by my rather odd segue. "That's not really any of your concern, now is it?"

I quickly turned away from her scrutinizing gaze and ran my fingers through my hair nervously, a festering of embarrassment suddenly weighing down on my chest. "I'm kinda only now remembering that he was there last night when…" I trailed off.

She looked baffled but only for a second before it dawned on her what I was trying to say. "When you confessed your feelings for me?"

I cringed. "Er…yeah."

"You told him he could shout it from the rooftops. You even gave him permission to talk to the press," she said with a smirk, perhaps enjoying my embarrassment a little too much. "What, you suddenly all talk, no action?"

"That was not just talk," I immediately thwarted, a clear edge to my tone.

Surprise shone in her eyes as an awkward silence embraced us. Our eyes locked, neither of us able to turn away, before she spoke again. "Why do you care what's going on with me and Rudy?" she asked softly.

I couldn't tell if she was testing me or if she really wanted to know the answer, but all I could say was, "Well, we've already established that I confessed some unexpected feelings for you, did we not?"

She seemed both appreciative and perplexed by that response. "What does that have to do with Rudy?"

I suppose this was my moment of truth. I could tell her the truth and either get everything that my heart had been yearning for all this time or get rejected by the one person who would know exactly how to break my heart.

Or I could brush it off, tell her I was being my usual overprotective self and we could walk into the Great Hall as friends again.

What a fucking conundrum.

"Nothing," I said with a forced smile. "C'mon, let's go get that breakfast."

She looked disappointed for a brief second but it quickly faded into a reluctant smile as she followed me into the Great Hall.

Can't imagine how I got sorted into Gryffindor when clearly being a coward was all I was good at.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

The Quidditch team seemed to be elated that Alice and I were back to normalbut the excitement didn't last long when Jax reminded us that the Captains were convening at one o'clock on the Quidditch pitch to discuss Gryffindor's proposal to abolish their no-dating rule.

"You should be there, too, James," Fred suggested.

"What, why? I'm not the Captain," I reminded him with a groan, though I mostly didn't want to deal with my brother or Brooks Pruitt.

"You were the one who suggested to abolish the rule so you should be the one to defend it."

"Ugh, then I take it back. Let's not abolish the rule," I whined.

I ducked as a scone came soaring at my head thanks to my dear sister.

"Here, I need you all to sign the contract I drafted," Alice said, reaching into her bag and rummaging around until she came up with a two-page parchment that appeared to be written with a ton of legal jargon.

"When the hell did you write this?" I questioned, knowing full well she was out of commission all day the day before.

"Sunday. After the Team Meeting," she said, passing the contract to Jax to start the signatures off. "I'll file it with Headmistress McGonagall before Charms this morning. If it's already filed, it might be harder for it to be overturned."

"Don't you mean un-overturned," Jax teased, tossing the contract over to Rose. Hesitating, he said, "Re-overturned?"

"Neither of those are words, imbecile," Rose drawled as she scribbled her name at the bottom and passed it to Lily.

Jax looked like he was debating throwing a scone at Rose but at the last minute, rolled his eyes and took a bite out of it instead.

"What can the other teams even say to contest it?" Cass asked, shoveling eggs into her mouth. "It's not up to them."

"No, but if another team pulled this stunt, wouldn't you be up in arms about it, too?" Hugo questioned.

Cass thought about it before shrugging. "If you ask me, dating a teammate could just add more drama in the end. They shouldn't be up in arms. They should be getting the popcorn ready for when it all potentially falls apart."

I couldn't help but steal a glance towards Alice. In doing so, I noticed that she, too, was looking at me but quickly turned away before I could catch her eye.

"Oy, you saying Lily and I will fall apart?" CJ huffed.

Cass rolled her eyes. "No, but no one exactly expected Albus and Kat to fall apart and look how that turned out."

I snorted into my plate at that moment, realizing that my siblings and I all seemed to have found a love interest in Quidditch players. Maybe we were all more alike than I thought.

Then again, only one of us was actually currently with a Quidditch player so maybe we weren't.

"I don't plan on sleeping with someone else," Lily drawled, the bitterness rolling off her tongue, "So I think we're safe on that front."

My fork clattered to my plate as I scowled at her. "' _Someone else_?'" I barked. "That insinuates you're sleeping with CJ!"

"Dramatic much," she said, rolling her eyes.

" _You didn't answer my question_."

"You didn't ask a question."

"And now you're avoiding the question!"

"What question?" she groaned.

I grabbed my knife and waved it in CJ's direction. "You better start running, kid, or you might find this knife jammed into your throat!"

Lily reached over and swiped my knife away with the roll of the eyes. "Calm yourself, bro," she drawled. "CJ and I are not sleeping together nor will we be sleeping together anytime soon."

"Never," I argued. "You'll be sleeping together _never_."

She rolled her eyes again. She was getting quite good at that.

"It's like you enjoy tormenting your brother about fictional events of our relationship," CJ whined at his girlfriend. "Usually at my expense!"

She laughed, which got the rest of us going, and I decided I'd hold off on hexing CJ.

For now anyway. I was certain he'd find a way to deserve it later.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I was leaning up against a wall in the Entrance Hall just after lunch, my cloak dangling around my shoulders as I waited for Alice. Somehow she convinced me that I should join her for the Captain's Meeting on the pitch and while I tried every excuse in the book, she somehow made a very persuasive argument. Can't remember what she said but there I was waiting to join her so it must have been something good.

As I waited, I ran into a few Quidditch players, all of whom felt it necessary to tell me that the Gryffindor team was cheating. I politely reminded all of them that it was none of their business.

Oh, who am I kidding, I reminded them in the least polite way possible.

When Callum Finch said our contract was a pitiful attempt at bending the rules, I told him to go jump in the lake. He disappeared out to the grounds quickly after that so I wondered if he was taking me up on that suggestion.

"Hey."

I glanced to my right and broke out into a smile as Alice wandered up to me, her scarf pulled tightly around her neck. "Hey yourself," I greeted, gesturing towards the wrought-iron doors.

I pushed them open and the both of us let out a whimper as the cold breeze nipped at our face. "Remind me why we're even bothering to do this?" I muttered as a shiver ran down the edge of my spine. "We don't owe the Captains anything. The rule applies to our team only so it really has nothing to do with them."

"We're doing this as a courtesy," she said with a shrug. "I'm not saying I disagree with you but we should at least try to play nice with others."

"But whyyyy?" I whined. "Playing nice was never something I was very good at."

She just laughed and I shivered again, I instinctively wrapped an arm around her shoulder and drew her close for body warmth as we trekked through the light layer of snow towards the pitch.

Though the sudden warmth in my heart didn't go unnoticed either.

When we entered the clubhouse, Albus was the only one there. He looked up as we entered, his eyes immediately finding mine. "What are you doing here?" he drawled. "Last I checked, you lost that Quidditch badge of yours."

I grimaced at the very reminder. "I was the one who proposed the abolishment of the no-dating rule for our team," I explained. "Evidently that has turned me into the spokesperson of our team now."

Albus' brow furrowed, his mouth parting in slight surprise. "You're the one who proposed it?"

"I just said that, didn't I?"

He frowned, the surprise still there but now mixing with confusion. "You actually did that for Lily?"

I shrugged. "What kind of brother would I be if I didn't give her the chance to be happy?"

I could feel Alice's warm smile beside me but evidently, Albus didn't seem as impressed. "The selfish kind," he drawled. "You know, the kind you've always been."

I glared at him and was about to insult him right back when I was interrupted by the doors to the clubhouse opening. Bundled up in her yellow and black scarf, Kye stripped the matching hat off her head and greeted the three of us with a nod.

"I heard a rumor you two crazy kids might have made up," she said, looking between Alice and me.

"For once, a rumor is actually true," I chuckled. "Fred also mentioned that you and Ryleigh appear to back on good terms."

She shrugged. "Life's too short to be mad at the people you care about."

I looked over at Alice and smiled. "Can't say I disagree with you there."

"Oh, Merlin," Albus muttered under his breath, "Someone get me a bucket because I'm about to hurl."

"Maybe if you were currently speaking with your own two friends, you'd have a different reaction," Kye fired his way.

Alice and I exchanged a rather surprised look. "You're not talking to Rose or Malfoy?" I questioned.

"I pretty much assumed writing off your two friends was something that we Potters just enjoyed doing," Albus seethed.

And before I could question him further, the clubhouse door opened once again and Brooks Pruitt walked in. "Good, you're all here," he spoke crisply. "Let me just make one thing clear. That contract you drafted is bullshit, Longbottom. We won't accept it."

"And when did you suddenly transfer into the Gryffindor House?" I fired back. "Because unless you're a member of the Gryffindor Quidditch team, this doesn't concern you."

"It does bloody concern us because it concerns Quidditch," he hissed. "You are playing with fiendfyre, Potter, and I'm going to make sure you get burned."

"Nice metaphor," I drawled. "But like I already said, _there's nothing you can do_. The contract was already filed so my sister and CJ are free to do whatever they want."

"Have you ever not been a self-absorbed jackass, Potter?" he seethed. "Just because the rules suddenly didn't apply to your perfect little Quidditch team, you decided to go and change that up for your benefit? Do you not see how completely unjust that is?"

"Do you not see that I don't give a shit what you think?" I retaliated.

"Jay," Alice warned beside me.

Brooks' sneer turned its attention on to Alice. "So the lapdog speaks," he growled. "How the hell did this prat manage to get back into your good graces, Longbottom? Did he kiss you again and then sleep with someone else's girlfriend? Because we all know how good at that he is."

"Just as good as you are at being a boyfriend apparently," I snapped and if Alice hadn't grabbed my arm, I might have completely socked him in the face. "The contract stands. And you can go fuck yourself, Pruitt."

I grabbed Alice's hand and took off towards the castle once again, fuming the entire way back. When we poured through the doors into the warmth of the castle, Alice turned to me and only then did I realize that we were still holding hands. My cheeks flushed as I let it go.

She looked at me oddly but just said, "They're not going to back down."

I frowned. "No, they won't," I murmured. "But there's nothing they can do."

She smiled up at me. "So we ignore them. We've done an excellent job at doing just that for five years already."

I nodded pensively. "Hm, okay, that's one idea," I mused. "Another idea would be to hire a hitman to take them out."

She burst into laughter and I couldn't help but grin, too. "As amusing as it might be to see you in a black and white striped jumpsuit, let's hold off on contracting a killer until necessary."

"Ah, so you think the time will come where it'll be necessary then?"

She shoved me, a laugh falling from her lips, before saying, "I noticed that Brooks was the only one who really offered his opinion. I'm curious what Kye or Albus think."

"If I know my brother at all, he's against it for the sole reason that he's against me," I growled.

"But," she reminded me, "It's not really about you, it's about Lily."

I hoped that worked in our favor.

"I'm more curious why he's on nonspeaking terms with Rose and Malfoy again," I contemplated and I debated for a moment telling Alice about Rose and Scorpius' unfortunate tryst the night of the Roast but decided last-minute that that secret was not mine to share.

"We have the entire Quidditch organization breathing down our necks and that's what you're concerned about?" she laughed.

I hesitated before smirking. "You're right. To hell with all of them."

"That's not what I said at all."

I just shrugged and said, "But it's what I'm saying."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"Valentine's Day is coming up."

I looked up from my playbook as Jax perched himself on the coffee table in front of the couch that Fred, Dash, and I were currently occupying.

"Shit," Fred said. "It is."

"Saturday," Jax explained. "Which also happens to be a Hogsmeade day."

"Aw, you planning to spoil that pretty little chickadee of yours, Lover Boy?" Dash teased the sixth year.

"Hey, Dash, how's your girlfriend?"

Fred and I somehow managed to hold in our laughter as Dash scowled. "Touché."

"I suppose I should see what Alice wants to do," I contemplated curiously, earning me three very surprised stares.

"Uh…what?" Jax chuckled.

"Not like that!" I groaned, kicking him in the shin. "I mean, as _friends_."

"Who says she won't be asked to Hogsmeade by someone else?" Fred smirked.

"Who? I'll kill them!" I growled.

Fred rolled his eyes. "It was hypothetical. But seeing as you're too cowardly to ask her out yourself doesn't mean there aren't other guys out there who are interested."

" _Who? I'll kill them_!"

"Whoa, let's go back to that whole 'James is too cowardly to ask Alice out' thing you just said," Dash said, his eyebrow poking upward as he gave me a curious look. "Do you actually like Alice? Is that why you kissed-"

"Hey, Dash, how's your girlfriend?"

He hesitated. "Or, y'know, we could talk about something else."

I grinned triumphantly. Before it quickly faded.

Maybe I should pin something down with Alice before she got any other ideas.

Or before any guy did.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"WE WILL BE UNBEATABLE!"

Alice laughed though let out her own "Hear, hear!" as the rest of the team grinned at my bold prediction.

We all flew towards the grounds and met up with Fred on the bench, who was wearing a lopsided grin. "You guys are looking killer up there," he drawled. "Hugo, don't drag your bat when you don't have a bludger in range. Always be ready for it or the other team may get to it before you. Rose, you keep leaning to the left. The other team would catch on to that quickly and will play to your weakness. Cass-"

"I'm only a reserve," Rose groaned. "I'm not even playing in the next match!"

"You never know," Fred said dismissively. "Cass, your grip seems to loosen as practice goes on. Get a decent polish for your broom and clean it nightly."

"Any other tips, oh benched one?" Alice drawled.

He hesitated. "Yeah, find a less snarky Captain."

Alice laughed, shoving the end of her broom at his waist. He jumped up with his own laugh. "I jest!" he teased, holding up his arms. "James is right, though. You guys are playing like a team again and it shows. Perhaps if Jax stopped tossing bludgers at my bloody cousin just for the fun of it, you'd look even better."

Jax rolled his eyes. "Rose was in my way."

"Rose was clear across the field not even involved in the play."

He just shrugged.

I stepped in at that time. "Jax, you have seen firsthand what two bickering teammates can do to a team. Don't be the reason we lose our next match."

"As Rose already pointed out," he drawled, "She won't even be playing in the next match."

"She will if Ravenclaw gets their way," Alice spoke up with a shrug. "They filed a petition to overturn our contract."

Shocked silence followed. "Can they even do that?" Fred grumbled.

"They can but my father told me it's a longshot. By-laws state that each House has the right to manage their own internal Quidditch sub-code without the interference of the other teams unless it's something that directly contradicts the overarching Code."

We all considered this but it was Rose who spoke. "Couldn't one make the argument that overturning a Gryffindor rule regarding the dating of team players does contradict the Hogwarts Quidditch Code that doesn't allow the very same thing?"

"One could make the argument, yes. But one would lose," Alice said with a shrug. "The Gryffindor sub-Code and the Hogwarts Code may have had the exact same rule but one does not apply to the other. The Hogwarts Quidditch Code says that two teammates from _opposing_ teams cannot date each other. Gryffindor teammates dating each other doesn't contradict that at all."

More silence followed. "Well, I officially vote AliCat as our spokesperson whenever we have to fight this thing in court," Lily smirked.

"Er…I don't think we'll be fighting anything in court," Alice argued. "More likely, just McGonagall's office."

"Let's not even worry about the bloody Ravenclaws," I suggested, shaking my head. "They're just pissed because we obliterated them during our first match and the only way they think they have a shot at the Cup is to play dirty. I'm tired of them and I'm tired of everyone else who thinks we abolished that stupid rule so we could cheat our way to the top. You know why we're going to make it to the top? Because we're the best bloody team in the school! And no rules are going to stop us from being the best. So all I have to say to the Ravenclaw team is fuck off, losers."

Laughs and smirks fell from my fellow teammates as Lily shook her head and said, "Yeah, you're not allowed anywhere near the court when we have to fight this."

" _McGonagall's office_ ," Alice groaned but even she laughed. "Alright, hit the showers everyone."

The rest of the team obliged but I stayed back to help gather the equipment.

Well, that, and I had another agenda.

"Hogsmeade trip on Saturday."

She glanced up as she struggled to lock in a bludger. "Yes, I believe I was the one who told the prefects that at Sunday night's meeting."

"Please tell me you're totally down for spending most of the day at the Three Broomsticks mocking the far too many nauseating lovesick couples."

She looked momentarily confused before it clearly dawned on her what I was trying to say. "Shit," she murmured, "Saturday is Valentine's Day."

"Otherwise known as the bane of my existence," I teased, tossing a quaffle at her.

She placed it in its holder, a crease forming n her forehead. "I'm assuming girls have already been fawning over you, begging you to take them to Hogsmeade," she spoke and I swore I detected a hint of bitterness in her tone.

"Not really, no," I said with a shrug, "But then again, I've gotten really good at avoiding the general population lately."

She chuckled and closed the lid of the trunk. "Well, then, you've got yourself a Three Broomsticks cohort for the day."

"It's a date!" I teased and then immediately cringed. "Uh, I mean, like friends. Of course."

A curious look distantly flickered in her eyes as she met my gaze, a gaze which was most definitely accompanied by a red face. "Right," she said with a small frown, "Friends."

I couldn't read her expression but there was something in it that looked a lot like disappointment.

Which was ironic since that's what I was weirdly feeling, too.

I tried ignoring it but that feeling of disappointment seemed to follow me around for the rest of the day.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"If I have to hear one more bloody thing about Valentine's Day, I might actually hurl," Rose snapped as she dropped down on to the Gryffindor bench beside me at dinner that day.

"Hear, hear," I said, holding up my glass in a toasting fashion before downing the rest of my pumpkin juice. "Dare I ask what your plans are for Saturday, Rosie?"

She frowned as she piled her plate full of shepherd's pie. "As of right now, none," she muttered, which only then reminded me that she and Albus were evidently on nonspeaking terms.

"No plans with Al?" I spoke casually.

She stabbed her fork into her shepherd's pie with a growl. "He can go fuck himself."

Guess that was a no.

"Uh-oh," I sighed. "What happened?"

"Jax decided to open his big, fucking mouth and tell Al that he came across me and Scorpius snogging in the hallway the other day."

My eyebrows popped way up into my forehead. "You're actually still snogging that asswipe?" I growled.

She looked up from her lunch long enough to glare at me. "That's all we're doing in case you're wondering."

I wasn't but I was thankful that she clarified.

"You didn't exactly answer my question."

Rose just shrugged as she took a bite of shepherd's pie, considering her answer carefully as she chewed. "He just makes it easy not to care about any of the other shit going on in my life."

"Such as?"

She looked at me hesitantly but before she could respond, a shadow loomed overhead and we both turned around to be greeted by the sight of Bristol Dickerson.

"Oh, hey, B," I said with a smile, only slightly annoyed by her untimely interruption. "Do you need me for something?"

Translation: do you have family intel for me?

She glanced at Rose hesitantly before locking eyes with me. "You have plans for Saturday?"

My brow knitted in confusion. "For Hogsmeade?"

"For Valentine's Day."

It dawned on me what she was trying to say. "Oh," I said sheepishly. "Uh, well, yeah, actually. I do."

"Hot date?" she chuckled nervously.

"Not exactly," I spoke. "I'm just going with Alice."

She hesitated again. "Would you like a hot date instead?"

I could feel Rose's very curious eyes on the pair of us as my cheeks flushed at the very forward question. "Uh...look, B, you know I like hanging around you, but I'm not really all that interested in dating right now. The truth is, the only person I want to be spending Valentine's Day with is Alice. I'm sorry."

She looked at me in slight surprise before shrugging. "No, I get it," she said with a forced smile. "You two have something real special, y'know that?"

With an indifferent nod, she took off towards the exit and I took a sudden interest in my linguini, pretending not to notice the very scrutinizing gaze of my younger cousin.

"The only person you want to be spending Valentine's Day with is Alice, hm?"

"That's what I said," I spoke, an innocent smile appearing on my face.

Rose smirked. "The only person you want to be spending _Valentine's Day_ with, a romantic mush of holiday all about love and couples, is Alice?" she spoke very poignantly.

I cringed and shot her a quick look. "You know what I meant," I hastily argued, waving my hand dismissively.

"Do I?"

It would be nice if everybody else stopped questioning my intentions when I was already doing the same.

"I meant she's who I wanted to spend my Saturday with. My Hogsmeade visit if you will," I said in a rather cautious way.

The smirk on Rose's face did not go undetected. "And yet you said _Valentine's Day_ ," she chuckled. "You have it so bad for her."

My face turned a light shade of red as I turned to Rose with a glare. "I do not," I lied.

She just shrugged and returned her interest to her dinner plate. "Denying it isn't going to make those feelings of yours go away," she spoke in a rather sullen tone. "Believe me, I would know."

I'd say I've had years of practice in suppressing my feelings but then again, so has Rose.

I was saved from having to respond when a new body dropped down opposite us. I was grateful for Dash's timing but quickly forgot about that at his next words.

"Did you hear about Alice and Dale Edison?"

My fork fell from my hands and clattered to the plate. "What about Alice and Dale Edison?" I asked tensely.

"He asked her out for Saturday," he said with a shrug, reaching for the pitcher of pumpkin juice.

I pulled the pitcher away from him. " _He did what_?"

He looked at me inquisitively. "Uh, can I get some juice, mate?"

"Can I get some details, _mate_?" I growled. "I thought Dale was dating Cider Motts!"

"Er…not anymore apparently," he spoke sheepishly. He looked over at Rose nervously, the latter of whom appeared to have a sudden interest in her dinner. "He asked Alice right before lunch."

I slammed the pitcher down on the table so hard that some of it splashed out. " _Before lunch_?" I seethed. "I had lunch with her! And then I had two bloody classes with her! Why the fuck didn't she mention it!?"

Dash cringed and glanced back over at Rose. "Okay, you say things now, Rose."

"And have to possibly deal with the wrath of James?" she muttered. "No, thanks."

He let out a soft chuckle, which irritated me for how could anyone find this funny? "What did she say to him?" I demanded.

"Huh?"

"What was Alice's answer to him when he asked her out?" I snapped.

"Oh," he said, shrugging sheepishly. "Uh, I-I don't know. I only heard that he asked."

"Well, what bloody good are you!" I growled as I abruptly stood up from the table and stormed off towards the exit. I rounded the corner through the archway and nearly slammed into Fred and Alice who were on their way in.

" _I have a bone to pick with you_ ," I scowled almost immediately.

"What did I do now?" Fred groaned.

"Not you," I snapped, turning my attention on to the girl standing beside him. " _You_."

Alice looked up at me, alarmed. "What? What did I do?"

I opened my mouth to respond but I found the words unable to form. I didn't even know where to begin for I should not have been as bothered as I was at the very idea of someone else taking her out for Valentine's Day. And yet I was extremely bothered by it.

Because I wanted to be the one to take her out for Valentine's Day.

And no, I didn't just mean as her friend.

Fuck, Rose was so right.

"Well?" Alice asked when I said nothing.

A small laugh of incredulity spilled from Fred's lip as he spoke next. "Something tells me James here found out about Dale Edison asking you to accompany him into Hogsmeade on Valentine's Day."

There was that damned heat in my cheeks again as I stole a peek towards Alice, who was looking up at me with her usual amount of irritation whenever I tried to interfere in her love life.

Only this time I finally knew exactly why I always interfered.

"Well, that's not really any of his business, now is it?" she spoke testily. She was talking to Fred but looking at me.

"I should say it is," I huffed. "We had plans for Saturday, remember?"

"Platonic plans," she drawled. "But perhaps a better offer came up."

"You don't want to go to Hogsmeade with Dale Edison," I growled. "That guy's a total moron."

"Well, I don't see anyone else asking me out for Saturday, now do I?" she countered, her voice full of bitterness.

I opened my mouth again. And again I said nothing.

"I didn't think so," she hissed. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have-"

"Fine, go with Dale," I spoke hastily, and perhaps a bit desperately. "I'm going with Bristol anyway."

Fred let out a quiet groan while Alice's mouth parted, her eyes meeting mine in angry confusion. "What happened to 'we had plans?'" she growled.

"Platonic plans, remember?" I drawled. "If you can change them then so can I."

She looked at me and the flash of hurt in her eyes did not go unnoticed but before I could retract what I said, she spoke. "Well, then, I hope you have a grand ol' time on your date, James," she muttered.

Oh, so we were back to 'James,' were we?

I had no time to comment, however, before she disappeared into the Great Hall. And for some stupid reason, I didn't follow her.

Fred seemed to think it was stupid, too, for he smacked me in the back of the head.

"Ow!" I whined, rubbing my head as I turned to glare at him. "What the hell was that for?"

"Oh, you know exactly what that was for," he sighed before he, too, whisked into the Great Hall.

Leaving me alone to wonder when jealousy became such a big part of my life.

If I was to venture a guess, it probably started right around the same time I realized I had feelings for my best friend.

If anyone ever tells you that being a teenager is easy, they must have somehow skipped those years because from where I was standing, nothing about it was easy and I was beginning to think it might never be.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

When I unearthed the Map moments later and found Dale leaving the Great Hall alone in the direction of the Hufflepuff House, I had decided it would be a really good idea to confront him.

Because that seemed far easier than confronting my feelings.

"You're not good enough for her, Edison," I snapped when I caught up with him from behind.

He turned around, his eyebrow shooting at. "Er, I'm going to need more information than that."

" _For Alice_ ," I seethed, closing the gap between us. "You can't possibly think that there is any part of you that deserves her. She's the Head Girl and you're barely scraping by in class. I'm not even entirely sure how much of a brain you have up in that empty head of yours. This date has disaster written all over it. If you were smart enough, you'd break it off now before she finds a way to break your little-"

"Whoa, hold up there," Dale said, holding up his hand. "We're not going on a date, Potter. She said no."

I froze. "What?"

He shrugged. "She said no," he muttered. "Said it wouldn't be fair to me when she liked another guy."

My heart nearly stopped right before it began to race at a rather alarming rate. "Er…any chance she told you what guy?"

"No, but I didn't ask," he said with a defeated sigh. "Once she rejected me, I pretty much just wanted to get the hell out of there."

She said no.

She actually said no.

"Okay," I squeaked out. "Er…sorry."

He just shrugged before walking away.

 _She said no_.

But what did that mean? Was I the guy she liked or was she referring to someone else? It had to be me, right? She just told me three days earlier that she had feelings for me. She couldn't have gone off and fallen for someone else so quickly.

Right?

Dammit, why did matters of the heart have to be so bloody complicated?

"Why am I not surprised to find you down here?"

I whirled around as Fred came around the corner. "What are you doing here?"

"I saw Edison leaving the Great Hall and had a sneaking suspicion that someone I know might have wanted to hunt him down. I see I wasn't wrong."

I let out a sheepish chuckle, accompanied with a small shrug. "She said no, Fred."

He nodded. "I'm aware."

"She said she liked another guy."

He smirked. "Yes, and I wonder who that other guy might be?"

"Don't say Frankel. My heart couldn't take it."

Fred rolled his eyes. " _No, I'm not talking about bloody Frankel_ ," he groaned. "James, you are quite literally killing me here. We filed the contract. There is no Code standing in your way. There is no reason to go after what you want. _You like your best friend._ So fucking hell, can you please just _do_ something about it!?"

If Fred was frustrated with all of this, he should try to get inside my head.

"I was doing something about it," I deflected. "I was chewing Edison out."

"For what?" he drawled. "For doing the one thing that you're too afraid to do?"

I wanted to glare at him but how could I be angry at him for speaking the truth? I was too cowardly to ask Alice out, to ask her to be anything more than my friend. I was afraid of screwing it up again, of finding a way to hurt her again. And I was afraid of listening to my heart when my heart had been hurt too many times in the past. I was afraid of being happy, of going after all the things I wanted, because I was afraid of losing all of it again. I was afraid of losing the one person that made my life worth living.

But the one thing I was afraid of more was losing her to someone else.

And so in a sudden moment of clarity, I quickly turned on my heel and sprinted down the hallway.

"Where the hell are you going?" Fred groaned.

With a grin, I called out, " _To face my fears_."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I took the stairway by twos from the basement to the second floor, dashing across the Entrance Hall towards the Great Hall in desperate search for Alice. I didn't have to search long for I found her standing at the bottom of the entranceway stairwell chatting with Rudy freaking Frankel.

"Bloody hell, why are you always around every time I need to have a conversation with Ace?" I growled, interrupting the two of them.

"Why do you always have to have a conversation with Alice every time I'm around?"

I pointed down the hallway. "Go."

"Alright, I'm getting really tired of you dismissing me all the-"

" _Good-bye, Frankel_."

He folded his arms across his body. "No."

I blinked. "What?"

"I said no," he spoke stubbornly. "I was having a lovely chat with Alice and I think I'd really like to finish it. So take a number, buddy."

"Oh, I am so not your buddy," I hissed before turning towards Alice. "Can I please talk to you, Ace? _Alone_."

She smiled at me but it held so much passive-aggression that I knew this wasn't going to bode well for me. "For what? To question my taste in Valentine's Day dates again? I think I got the gist before. No need to go into any further-"

"You said no."

She froze. "What?"

"You told Edison no," I spoke softly.

Her eyes softened but just for a moment before defiance darkened them again. "Maybe I'm considering changing my mind," she countered, her tone clipped. "Or maybe there are other guys out there interested in taking me on a date."

This conversation was going downhill very quickly and I felt myself getting flustered as I glanced over at Rudy with a scowl. "Oh, is that what this _lovely chat_ is about? You asking Ace out on a date, Frankel?"

His eyebrow knitted in confusion but before he could respond, Alice swept in. " _And so what if he is_?" she seethed. "You don't get a say in this, Jay! Last I checked, you were apparently going with Bristol so why shouldn't I go with somebody?"

"Oh, I'm not going with Bristol!" I groaned. "She asked but I said no."

She looked surprised but for just a moment before she was suddenly glaring at me. "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

I hesitated. "Is that a 'what the fuck is wrong with me for saying no to her' or…"

" _No_ ," she snapped at me, "That's a 'what the fuck is wrong with you for lying to me?'"

Because jealousy was a fickle, fickle thing.

"I-" I halted because I wasn't even sure how to explain how much it hurt my heart to think of her dating other guys.

It was clear to me then just how stupid I had been over the past few days. I wasn't allowed to be jealous when I hadn't taken the plunge when the opportunity had been in my hands, when I hadn't begged her to give me a chance to prove to her that I was the only one deserving of her heart. I had told myself I wanted her to be happy and I had always feared, probably always would, that I wasn't good enough to give her that but if the other option is watching her be happy with someone else, then it was time I stepped up and figured out how to be the best version of myself for her. And right now, I was fairly certain that the best version of myself, the only version of myself that I wanted to be, was the guy who asked her out.

"I shouldn't have lied," I spoke hesitantly and yet very cautiously, "I just became so-"

"Possessive?" she drawled coolly, her arms folding across her body. "You don't get to be an overprotective prat, James, just because things are seemingly back to the way they used to be. You wanted to be my friend again so _be a friend_."

"Well, maybe I don't want to be just your friend, Ace," I blurted out. "Maybe I want to be the guy you go out with for Valentine's Day. Maybe I want to be the guy you go out with for all your Hogsmeade dates."

Her eyes widened as she looked up at me, a sudden vulnerability shining in her shocked eyes. "Uh…" she said, clearing her throat, "What?"

That was not at all how I planned on leading into this conversation but I couldn't take it back now.

Nor did I want to.

"I don't want to go to Hogsmeade with Bristol and I don't want you to go with Edison or with Frankel," I spoke softly. "I want to go with you and I want you to go with me. And no, I don't just mean as friends."

She continued to gape at me, her eyes blinking wildly out of sheer surprise and confusion and even a bit of flattery. But she wasn't the one who spoke next.

"This is the part where you're supposed to say yes to him," Rudy whispered loudly into Alice's ear.

She shot him a look and pointed down the hallway. "Go."

He just laughed. "Aw, c'mon, but I've been loving the front-row seat to the Alice-and-James Love Confessional these past few days. Don't leave me hanging _now_."

" _Good-bye, Frankel_ ," both Alice and I said in unison.

With another light chuckle, he saluted us and disappeared, leaving us both to deal with the tense silence.

"You're right," Alice muttered, "Why is he always around during these things?"

I let out a small smile. "That's all you have to say?"

Her cautious eyes met my hopeful ones. "I thought you just wanted to be friends," she eventually spoke.

"I thought _you_ just wanted to be friends."

She frowned. "I…" she trailed off, her head slowly rocking from side to side in clear confusion, "I don't know what I want."

Well, that sounded less than promising.

"I didn't think I did either but I do now," I spoke softly. "It had taken me nearly two weeks to find the courage to admit out loud how I felt about you and the funny thing is, in the many scenarios I pictured in my head about what you might say when I told you how I felt, it never once occurred to me that you might feel the same. So the other night, I begged for my _friend_ back because that had been the only scenario I had planned for. But now that I know there is another option, a better option, an option that means I get to be with you, I don't know if I can go back to just being your friend."

Her suddenly widened eyes skirted across the floor before she dared to meet my gaze. "The funny thing is, Jay, never once in all the times I felt something for you did it ever occur to me that you might feel the same way, too," she whispered, a quiet regret mixing in with her curious tone. "I was afraid to want you then and…as much as my heart feels the same way you do, I'm afraid to want you now, too."

My heart squeezed down on my ribcage in an almost paralyzing way because I knew exactly what she was hinting at. Because commitment was by far the last thing I was good at. The very idea of it had always had me running for the hills before.

But as I looked her, I knew that as scary and confusing as all of this was, running wasn't an option with her. This was Alice Longbottom, the only girl I have ever let into my heart. The girl I've known since birth. Every memory I've ever had included her. She was the source of my every happiness. She made me feel whole. She made me feel like me again. She never judged me or made me feel less than who I was. I trusted her with my heart more than I've ever trusted anyone before. I didn't just want her or need her, I lived and breathed her. She was the single most important person in my life. In a way, we've always had an emotional relationship. Now it was just time to add the rest of it.

"I can't exactly blame you," I said sadly. "I'm not exactly Mr. Relationship. I-I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to be a boyfriend. I don't know how to be that guy. I'm going to need a lot of help and a ton of coaching and even then, I may fail. And if you were anyone else, maybe that wouldn't matter. Maybe I'd be terrible at it and maybe we'd go our separate ways and that would be that. But you aren't anyone else. And the idea of risking the mere possibility of losing you, of losing us, is the single most terrifying thing I've ever felt. But the idea of being with you seems to make it all worth it. Because I might not be good at relationships but the one thing I am good at, maybe the only thing I'm good at, is being with you."

Shock and awe settled into her blue eyes as she stared at me with an entire universe full of emotions. She said nothing at first, the silence dragging on as she clearly tried to weigh the pros and the cons in her mind, both scared and excited at the prospect of everything I was saying. I could see in her eyes that I was wearing her down but that the panic wouldn't ever dissipate. But then again, mine probably wouldn't either. But maybe she could quiet my panic and maybe I could quiet hers. She just had to let me.

"And what if at some point we stop being good at it?" she pleaded.

I wasn't surprised by the question. I was surprised that I had an answer waiting.

"Could that happen? Yeah. Maybe this is a bad idea. Maybe we'll both end up breaking each other's hearts. Maybe I'm not boyfriend material and maybe that matters to you. Maybe. But maybe instead of being bad at it we'll be great at it. Maybe we'll realize that this was how it always should have been. Maybe this was meant to be. Maybe I could love you and maybe you could love me. Maybe."

Her mouth hung open as her blue eyes flickered with vulnerability, her cheeks flushing as the silence once again overtook us. "Do you really believe that?" she whispered hoarsely.

I was scared of the unknown but what I wasn't scared of was her. Because I knew the moment I heard that Dale had asked her out, the moment I saw her talking to Rudy, that my jealousy wasn't going anywhere. I had real feelings involved and I wanted to share them with her. I wanted to share everything with her. I wanted to kiss her and hold her and tell her every day how much I cared about her. I wanted to need her like I never needed her, or anyone, before. Maybe I wasn't always a good person but she made me want to be one. And I wanted to show her that as scared as I was of the unknown and of the future, the one thing I was sure about was her.

I looked down at her and said, with an incredible amount of confidence, "I believe in you. And that's enough to make me believe in us."

There was still hesitation on her side, which I understood. I knew that I wasn't the easiest person to trust with someone's heart. I had never been in a relationship before, never even thought I wanted one. But I spent so much time suppressing and ignoring my feelings and I didn't want to do that anymore. Not with her.

"You say you're afraid you wouldn't be any good at this, but who's to say I would be?" she spoke hesitantly. "I'm not exactly Miss Relationship myself."

"No, but you're far more mature than I am," I spoke in slight jest. "If anyone is going to be able to walk us through this, it's you."

I was delighted to see a small smile creep on to her lips. "You don't think very highly of yourself, do you," she spoke with a small giggle.

I could only shrug. "Not when it comes to all of this relationship stuff," I muttered. "My rather rocky past pretty much spells that out for you."

She swiftly shook her head. "I don't' care about the past, Jay," she whispered. "I care about this moment and every moment from here on out. And I just need to know that if you ever get scared or you start to panic or when things start to go bad, you won't just give up on me again. I need to know that you'll talk to me, that we will work things out together. I need to know that it won't ever be just you or just me, that we'll always be an us."

I realized then what her only hesitation was and it suddenly all made sense. She wasn't afraid of being with the Mr. Anti-Relationship in me, she was afraid of being with the best friend of nearly eighteen years in me. She didn't care about my past or my reputation, she cared about being one day neglected by me. We both knew that when things turned bad in my life, I shut down. I pushed people away and curled up into an obsolete ball of desolation but if I was going to promise her my best foot forward then what I was really promising her was that no matter what I was thinking or feeling, I'd make sure to include her.

I wouldn't just be opening up my heart to her, I'd be opening up my soul. And I'd be lying if said that that very scary thought didn't have me hesitate, but it was only for a moment for I knew if there was anyone in the world I'd be able to let into every aspect of my less-than-perfect life, it was her.

"I know I am not the easiest person to trust with your heart," I spoke softly. "And I can't promise you that I won't falter along the way or make mistakes. But what I can promise you is that I will never stop fighting for you and I will never stop fighting for us."

She looked appreciative and yet the hesitation was still there. "Walking away when things get overwhelming seems to be a habit of yours," she reminded me.

She wasn't wrong but I had an answer all ready for that. "Things right now are beyond the definition of overwhelming and yet I'm not walking away," I said, the desperation in my tone matching that of my eyes. "Because I just spent last two weeks without you, Ace, and it was the worst two weeks of my life. And I never want to recreate that. Ever. So I plan to hold on to you for dear life from this moment forward. I plan on never letting you go. I plan on wanting you and needing you and maybe one day, loving you because my life without you just isn't the same. In fact, it's not really a life at all. It's hell. It's a fiery pit of hell that feels soul-shattering and-"

"You're babbling," she giggled and the way she said it, with an odd amount of determination in her tone, made me feel as if she believed me.

She finally believed me.

I smiled. "That's because you make me nervous."

"Oh, I do not," she argued, rolling her eyes.

"You do," I chuckled. "For the first time in seventeen years, you're making me nervous. My palms are getting all sweaty and I'm feeling flustered and my heart is doing a weird somersaulting thing and I hate it but I love it all at the same time because that just means that this is real. And I'm okay with that if it gets to be real with you. You've always had my heart and now I want to give you my soul and I don't ever want them back. Maybe I was afraid of admitting what I was feeling for the past two weeks but I'm not anymore. I'm still afraid of a lot of things but the idea of being the lucky guy who gets to one day fall in love with you isn't one of-"

I was cut off when she crashed her lips against mine. There was a jolt of electricity as our lips met, a spark of pure passion that quickly filled our hearts with an intense fire. The passion exploded between us and the fire spread through our bloodstream, consuming us both. Her arms wrapped tightly around my shoulders as she drew me into her and I slammed her body against the corridor wall, our lips never parting once. She moaned as I slid my tongue into her mouth, the heat of the moment overwhelming us. My hands roamed her body, my lips roamed her bare skin, our bodies pressed tightly against each other's, knowing that something felt so right about this moment. Kissing Alice was like kissing no other. It felt real. It felt powerful. It felt like I should have been doing this all along.

We eventually pulled back, both desperate to catch our breath, and we looked at each other, our swollen lips and lust-filled eyes and light panting somehow making that perfect moment consume us as if nothing else in the world mattered. I knew in that very tense moment that I wanted to spend the rest of my life kissing Alice and proving to her that I was worthy of one day loving her.

"That was…" Alice trailed off, still trying to catch her breath.

I smiled, leaning over and pressing my forehead against hers, pressing a kiss to her nose. "Incredible," I whispered. "That was incredible."

She smiled and pressed her lips to mine once again and my heart soared at just how magical it felt. I never knew a kiss could feel so good. So right. So perfect. Everything about that moment was exactly the way I wanted it to be.

Except for a very untimely interruption.

Alice and I both jumped when we heard a chorus of throats clearing behind us. When we whirled around, we found ourselves face-to-face with the shocked expressions of Fred, Rose, and Lily.

Fred gaped at us. "Holy-"

"Hufflepuff," Rose finished.

He hesitated. "I was going to say 'shit' but sure, let's go with yours."

Completely red-faced, I slowly turned to Alice and murmured, "In hindsight, maybe snogging each other in the very public Entrance Hall wasn't our best decision."

She giggled. "Yeah, maybe not."

"So this is actually happening?" my sister squealed, pointing back and forth between the two of us.

I looked down at Alice with a smile and wrapped my arm tightly around her shoulder, drawing her in close to me. "This is actually happening," I said in awe, not taking my eyes off of her.

She smiled up at me, the clear appreciation sparkling in her beautiful eyes. "This is actually happening," she said with an enthralled chuckle.

"Oh, for the love of Merlin, I'm going to hurl all over the floor," Rose growled but she went ignored as Lily and Fred suddenly broke out into a rather embarrassing do-si-do.

"Please stop," I groaned, shaking my head with an accompanying whimper.

They ignored me.

"And swing your partner round and round!" Lily teased.

"James and Alice are going out!" Fred sang, a laugh spilling from his lips.

"That doesn't even rhyme!" I groaned as the two of them burst into a fit of giggles. "Okay, seriously, stop. You're embarrassing us."

"Oh, let them have their fun," Alice teased, smacking my shoulder with the back of their hand. "It would be worse. They could be screaming our news through the hallways."

Fred and Lily stopped, the former's eyes growing wide with glee. "Ooh, new plan!"

" _I will kill you in your sleep, Fred Weasley_ ," I warned.

He hesitated and glanced down at Lily. "Back to old plan," he said and the two of them once again started up their squaredance.

But instead of groaning, all I could do was smile. For I finally had the girl and there wasn't anything that could spoil my mood.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

 **A/N:** Well, it took them a while (because you didn't honestly think it would take one conversation for the two of them to jump into a real relationship) but we finally have the relationship we've been all waiting for! And no, this is not the end of the story nor is it anywhere close. I like to think of this as the end of Part 1 but we still have an entire Park 2 to get through because c'mon, don't we all want to see how James navigates an actual relationship?

Next up: what happens when everyone else finds out?


	25. Better

**A/N:** Well, in the words of Etta James, as reiterated by reviewer **soundon,** AT LAST. As in, AT LAST James and Alice got together! And AT LAST the next chapter has arrived. What's in store for the duo now?

* * *

 **A WAY WITH WORDS**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 25: Better

" _I came into your picture such a broken fool  
A million different pieces looking back at you  
Believe me when I say this, I was giving up  
But now you come and save me."  
_-SYML

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

While I was certain my cousins and my sister were off spreading the gossip to anyone who would listen, Alice and I quickly ditched them and retreated to her bedroom to spend the rest of the evening alone. We barely walked through her door before I said, "Okay, you're going to have to help me."

Her eyebrow peaked upward. "With anything in particular?" she mused as she dropped on to the edge of her bed.

"All of this."

When I said nothing more, she chuckled. "Well, at least you're being specific."

I grinned sheepishly before joining her hesitantly on the bed. It shouldn't have felt awkward, and in a way it didn't, but in a completely different way it did for I didn't know how I was supposed to act now that we were together. Or if I was supposed to act differently at all. I hadn't ever really thought about the aftermath, only ever thinking about finding a way to convince her I was worthy of being the guy who got to date her. I had never expected her to agree and now that she had, I was very aware of how out of my element I was.

"I've never done the relationship thing before, Ace," I spoke softly. "I want to do this right."

She reached for my hand, squeezing it in her usual comforting way. "I told you already, I'm no expert at this myself," she reminded me. "But that's okay because we get to figure it out together."

She sounded so sure of herself that it almost convinced me.

"Look," she said, clearly recognizing the hesitation in my expression, "It's okay to feel weird or nervous about this because I know that the last thing either of us want to do is screw this up but the way I see it, we have the best of both worlds right now. We get to keep our friendship, maybe even make it stronger, and now we have an entirely new world to explore. One that I can't imagine exploring with anyone else."

Well, it was official. She was perfect. And even though I wasn't, even though I still had a while to get there, I knew that my best, and perhaps my only, chance of being the absolute greatest version of myself was with her. And so I did the only thing I could think of, the only thing that seemed to make my nerves disappear, and leaned over to kiss her.

Kissing her seemed to quiet the questions in my head and provide me with the only answer I needed to know that I could make this work. Because I had to do. I had no other option.

Nor did I want one.

We spent the night lounging in her bed, mostly just talking to each other and catching up on all the things we missed in the two weeks we were giving each other the silent treatment. It felt like any other night, any other normal night with my best friend like the millions of nights I have previously spent with her, except that in between those conversations were some very heavy snog sessions. It felt surreal. Every time my lips pressed hers, I was convinced it was a dream. Every time I pulled her close to me, I wondered if this was really happening. And yet, I felt so safe in her arms. I felt calm and at peace, the gnawing concerns in my head and heart dissipating with every minute I spent with her. And the best part was, the truly amazing thing about all of this, was that it was as if nothing had changed. We were still James and Alice. Only now we were James and Alice, boyfriend and girlfriend.

Girlfriend.

 _I had a girlfriend_.

And I didn't hate it.

I didn't hate it at all.

It was well after curfew when Alice lifted her head from my shoulder and said, "You have to go."

I blinked. "Heh?"

She giggled. "You can't stay here overnight."

"I always stay here overnight."

"If my father finds out that you, as the guy I'm seeing, spent the night in my room, he will kill you and feel no remorse for it."

I pouted. "He might feel some remorse. I am the son of his closest friend."

"Daughter trumps closest friend."

I chuckled. "It's not like we'll be doing anything. I'm bloody exhausted after all that snogging," I teased.

She poked me in the ribs with a laugh. "You have to go," she repeated.

I knew she was right. Even though it felt like nothing had changed, the fact of the matter was, something did. The things we used to get away with as friends may no longer pass. And sleeping in her bed all night on the very first night of our relationship was a rather big no-no.

I slowly sat up, turning to her with a hesitant smile. "If I walk out the door, you're not going to change your mind about all of this, are you?"

She blinked in confusion, her eyes meeting mine. "Is that what you're afraid of?" she spoke softly. "That when you leave, I'll spend the rest of the night tossing and turning as I question what the heck we think we're doing here?"

I found myself chewing on the inside of my lips as I considered her question. "I think it is not completely unjustified for you to wonder if being with me is such a good idea."

Her surprised eyes met mine. "You have to stop questioning whether _I'm_ questioning this or not. Because I'm not, Jay."

The comment was expected. "I just want to be the kind of guy you deserve," I said almost pleadingly. "The guy who knows what to do and what to say to make you feel special. The guy who knows how to treat you right. You deserve perfection and we both know that's not really me."

She sat up, too, instinctively leaning over to brush a hair from my forehead. "I don't need you to try to be perfect for me, Jay," she spoke softly, her eyes capturing mine. "You could line up a whole army full of perfect guys in front of me, and I would still choose you. _Every single time_."

She really knew exactly what to say to make me believe we could overcome anything.

I leaned in towards her with a grateful smile and said, "And there's no point lining up any girl in front of me because the only girl I'd ever look at would be you."

Her eyes softened, appreciation shining from within. "See?" she said, framing my face with her hands. "You do know how to do this."

I smiled and leaned over, to kiss her, my mouth meeting hers with an unexpected tenderness. She kissed me back but only for a moment before she pushed me away again, this time with a groan. "Stop that. You're making it harder for me to kick you out of my room."

I chuckled, my eyes meeting hers with an unforeseen intensity. "I want you to know, Ace, that as much of a screwup as I can be, I'm not looking to screw things up with you," I spoke softly. And maybe there will be times I'll question why you chose me or I'll wonder if this is actually real or I'll make a mistake with us, but I need you to know that I'm in this. This thing between us, you and me? _I'm. All. In._ "

The look on her face was one of shock and appreciation all rolled into one as a slow smile spread across her jawline. She leaned over to press a kiss to my lips. Pressing her forehead to mine, she said, "Good. Because I'm all in, too."

An unexpected relief filled my heart. I knew I probably didn't deserve her but I wanted to show her that this was what I really wanted. I hadn't known I wanted it until I thought it was too late but apparently it wasn't. And now a part of me feared that when the honeymoon period was over, she'd soon realize it was crazy to think we could work. But I knew I couldn't think like that. I knew I had to trust her and trust what we had. I had to believe in us and if that meant finding a way to believe in myself, then that's what I was going to do.

A shy smile filled my expression. "I was really hoping you'd say that," I whispered, leaning over to kiss her again.

Our lips tangled together, our hands clumsily finding their way to various body parts until she finally pushed me away, her nose wrinkling. "Yeah, it's definitely time for you to go."

I pouted.

"Don't give me that face," she laughed and I grinned, reaching over to brush my lips to hers.

" _Stop_ ," she chuckled, pushing me away. "You're not going to make me forget that I'm kicking you out of my room just by kissing me."

"Hey, a guy can try!" I teased as I grabbed her hips and rolled her towards me, touching my lips to hers again. She kissed me back but not for long.

" _Go_ ," she laughed, pointing towards the door.

I made a face but reluctantly nodded. "Fine, fine, but if I get caught after curfew, I'm telling them it's because I was so busy snogging the shit out of Alice Longbottom that I lost track of time."

She rolled her eyes. "You wouldn't dare."

I grinned. "I suppose it's a good thing I never get caught."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

When I wandered into the Gryffindor common room, my mind almost completely turned to mush as giddy thoughts of Alice rolled around in my every though, I was aware at how quiet the room suddenly got. One quick glance around told me that I had suddenly become the center of everyone's attention.

With a knowing chuckle, I made my way over to where Fred sat with Dash and Jax. "So I guess it didn't take you long to spread the word," I told my cousin, shoving him over and making room for me on their couch.

"I just told Dash!" he argued.

"And I just told Jax."

"And I pretty much told everyone I saw."

I grabbed a pillow and smothered the sixth year with it but we wound up both laughing so I suppose I hardly minded that my gossip had hit the hallways. They were all bound to find out anyway, whether by Rudy or by my family, so I couldn't be mad at Fred for spreading the unexpected news. Better to get the truth out now than for the biased rumors to start and turn it into something it wasn't.

"For the record, Pruitt is more pissed now about our abolishment of the no-dating rule than he was before," Jax commented.

I groaned. "You told Pruitt?"

"Not me but I'm sure it was one of the people I came across," he said sheepishly.

"Do you think Laikyn would mind if I strangled you in your sleep?" I growled.

"Probably," he said with a casual shrug, "But it would at least get me out of having to get dragged to Puddifoot's on Saturday."

That had us all howling with laughter but Dash's was short-lived as a sudden realization appeared to have hit him. "Shit, how the hell are the three of you off the market and I'm suddenly the single one?"

"Well, when you go and fuck someone who isn't your girlfriend, you are destined for the single life, my dear cheating friend."

I ducked as a pillow came soaring at me. It bounced off the back of the couch and landed on the ground.

"It has to be Amortentia," Dash deadpanned. "Only way Alice would be stupid enough to date you."

I reached over the back of the couch to grab the pillow and chucked it back at him. He caught it with a laugh. "But on a serious note, how is it you two went from not saying a bloody word to each other to two full weeks to suddenly jumping into a relationship?"

"We didn't jump," I argued. "We wanted to be friends first."

"Yes, and a whole two days that lasted."

I chuckled but it quickly faded. "She's everything to me," I spoke, my voice suddenly quiet. "I couldn't watch her try to be someone else's everything when she was my everything first."

Three pairs of stunned eyes stared back at me, their expressions wild with incredulity, before Fred whimpered. "Bloody hell, one day in a relationship and he's already turned into a mushy romantic," said the latter.

"Shouldn't you be out fucking Carver or something?" I shot back.

"Yeah, probably," he said with a mere shrug, glancing back down at the _Quidditch Weekly_ he was perusing.

Rolling my eyes, I said contemplatively, "I can't believe I decided to land myself a girlfriend just a few days before Valentine's Day. I must be some kind of masochist."

A laugh fell from Jax's lips. "Oh, this should be fun to watch."

"I always used to hate Valentine's Day," Dash spoke up, a sad look darkening his eyes. With a sigh, he said, "You all better make it count."

"Hm, okay, yes, sure," I said, nodding my head. "Now the question is: how the hell do I do that?"

"Well here's a suggestion: you ask your girlfriend to Hogsmeade."

I hesitated. "Hm, okay, yes, sure, and how do I do that?"

Dash stared at me before bursting into laughter. "I don't know, how the hell did you ask her in the past?"

"I never had to ask, it was just implied!" I groaned, putting my face in my hands. "Bloody hell, this girlfriend stuff is complicated."

"Says the guy who has only had a girlfriend for four hours," Fred smirked.

I shot him a look. "You shouldn't be mocking me. This will be your first official Hogsmeade date after your relationship was exposed to the entire school. Have you come up with any plans for it?"

Fred frowned. "Oh, hell, I hope she doesn't want to drag me to Puddifoot's."

I grimaced. "You're telling me."

The guys all looked at me before laughing. "Oh, please, Alice Longbottom is a sleazy dive bar kind of girl, not a froufrou tea shop kind of girl," Fred snorted.

I thought about that. "Who you calling sleazy?"

He rolled his eyes. "That was a compliment, you twat," he drawled. Hesitating, he added, "Though I understand why you wouldn't think so as the word sleazy was used."

I ignored him. "If we go to Three Broomsticks, we'll just be stared at the entire time by other classmates waiting for me to screw it up."

"Well, yeah, we're all waiting for that," Dash teased.

I glared at him.

"It's true," Jax smirked. "There's already a bet going around school."

I turned to him sharply. "What kind of bet?" I snapped.

"How long you and AliCat will last," he said with a sheepish grin. "A lot of people have already lost now that you've made it past the one-hour mark. Congrats."

 _"Who the hell are these people betting on me_?"

"Not us," Fred said a little too quickly.

I narrowed my eyes on us. "How long do you have us lasting?"

"I swear, I'm not betting!" he argued, throwing his hands up in the air.

" _How long_?"

He looked at me, a sheepish grin appearing on his face. "I have you making it the whole year, mate. I've got some real faith in you."

I shot him a look.

"Alright, I have some real faith in AliCat turning you into a total whipped lapdog."

As Jax and Dash howled with laughter, I slammed a pillow against Fred's face. "Ow!" he said though he followed it up with his own laughter so I couldn't have hurt him that badly.

"You are all prats," I growled.

They didn't seem to hear me over their laughter so I flipped them off and headed towards the stairwell but not before Jax stopped me.

"Hey, James?"

Against my better judgment, I turned around. "Yeah?"

"You know we're happy for you, right?"

Dash nodded though Fred pretended to make a gagging noise.

With my usual goofy smile I got when thinking about Alice, I said to him, "Now who's the mushball?"

"Definitely still you," he smirked and I flipped him off again before disappearing up the stairs.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

The next morning, I spotted Alice a few feet in front me as a crowd of exhausted students dragged their feet to breakfast. I broke away from Fred and hastily made my way towards Alice, grabbing her arm before she could enter the Great Hall.

"What the-" she screeched as she was pulled backward. The glare on her face disappeared when she looked up and realized it was me. With a shy smile, she said, "Why, good morning."

I grinned. "Good morning. How are you?"

We got a few curious odd looks from passers-by but the only person I cared about, or even really noticed, was Alice.

"Good," Alice said with that same shy smile. "Excellent actually. And you?"

"Couldn't be better."

"And I'm positively brilliant!" Fred's voice boasted as he came up beside us and draped his arms around both of our shoulders. "Thanks so much for asking, you two. Now go ahead and snog each other. You know you want to."

"The only thing I want to do is punch you in the face," I countered with an innocent grin.

He let out a gasp of protest. "Not the face! _Not my beautiful face_!"

I shoved him off of me with a laugh. "Good-bye, Fred."

"Aw, no, I want to stick around for the ridicule show," he pleaded.

Alice and I exchanged a look before glancing back up at him. "Alright, I'll bite," Alice sighed. "What ridicule show?"

A grin broke out across his face. "The show where the big, bad professor of Herbology finds out that itty-bitty AliCat here is dating the devil," he smirked. Hesitating, he said, "That's you, James, in case that wasn't clear."

"I'm suddenly back to wanting to punch you in the face," I drawled, glancing over at Alice with a slight grimace whose face suddenly looked pale.

"Shit," she murmured. "I forgot all about him. That should be an interesting conversation."

With a coy grin, I said in jest, "Hey, we could just get the bombshell completely out of the way and snog in front of everyone at breakfast,."

She looked up at me, her eyes hesitating.

My eyebrows popped up. "Oh, my God, you're actually considering it!"

"No!" she laughed, shaking her head. "That would give my father a heart attack and you know it."

"Okay, fine, you tell him this morning and then just have our fun snogging in front of everyone at lunch."

She was clearly trying very hard not to laugh. "Or," she suggested, the edges of her mouth turning upward, "We don't snog in front of everyone at all."

I hesitated. "Hm, yeah, I hear you, but I still feel like snogging needs to be part of the plan."

She smacked me in the shoulder with a laugh. "You're the devil."

"I've been telling him that for years, AliCat," Fred chimed in with a wink.

I pointed to the Great Hall and said, " _Good-bye, Fred_."

He laughed but with a shrug, obliged.

When he was gone, I turned towards Alice and said with a teasing grin, "Snogging in public might be off the table but what about snogging in the hallway?"

"Stop and help me figure out what to say to my father about this," she laughed, playfully smacking my on the shoulder. The jest in her face slowly turned into unexpected concern.

"What about something along the lines of 'hi Dad, I'm dating the dashingly handsome and charmingly pure James Potter?'"

Her eyebrow slowly made its way upwards. "You must be referring to your grandfather because you're hardly all that charming nor are you very pure."

I pouted. "But we agree I'm dashingly handsome?"

She smacked me again though another crease of worry settled into her forehead. "My dad knows how upset, how hurt I was, these past two weeks during our non-speaking phase and while he doesn't know the exact details, he knows you were to blame for my sudden bout of depression and I'm just afraid that he'll tell me all the reasons why dating you could be construed as a bad idea and I don't want him to be disappointed in me, not when I'm so excited about-"

"Okay, stop," I said, grabbing her shoulders and shaking her lightly. "You're hyperventilating."

She took a deep breath in and exhaled. "Sorry, this is just very new for me."

"It's the same amount of newness for me," I pointed out with a lopsided smile.

"Yes, but you have the luxury of having your parents far, far away where they can't lecture you," she groaned.

"Uh, have you ever heard of a howler? My mother is the Queen of them."

She looked at me and smiled, a light laugh quickly following. "I guess this all just feels a bit surreal."

I nodded, reaching over to brush a stray hair from her face. "I couldn't sleep last night," I admitted. "I was too afraid that in doing so, I'd wake up and find out it was all a dream."

She blinked in surprise, awe filling her expression. "That might be the most romantic thing you've ever said to me," she spoke softly.

I chuckled. "Yeah, don't expect too much of that."

She laughed and doing a quick scan of the area, she reached up and pressed a quick kiss to my lips. "You're still all in?" she asked, resting her forehead against mine.

"I'm still all in," I whispered, capturing her lips with mine once again.

She pulled away, reaching for my hand and squeezing it. "I'll talk to my dad," she said with a nervous smile.

"Okay, good. And I won't talk to mine."

She shot me a look.

"What? All of my cousins know – it'll get back to my parents soon enough!" I laughed.

"Don't you think your parents should hear it from you?"

"I don't see why. They don't hear anything else from me."

She placed her hands on her hips and did a very good job at looking like my mother. "You are a stubborn prat, James Potter."

I shrugged and then grinned. "Yeah, but now I'm your stubborn prat."

She smiled. "I kinda like the sound of that."

Grinning mischievously, I leaned over and whispered in her ear, "What do you say we skip breakfast and hang out just the two of us?"

She chuckled, pulling back just slightly so she could look up at me. "That sounds like code for let's snog the shit out of each other for the next hour."

"Well, yeah, but I was trying to be polite," I teased, taking her hand in mine and running circles on the inside of her palm.

"You were never polite before," she smirked. "Why start now?"

I made a face while she laughed. "I never knew dating each other would just increase the amount of teasing we do," I contemplated.

"Who said I was teasing?"

She yelped when I reached out to tickle her sides, pushing me away with a laugh. "I'm going to have to remember that you know all my weak spots," she groaned.

I smirked, grabbing her hand and pulling her back towards me. "Not all," I whispered in her ear, running a trail of kisses down her jawline towards her neck. "But I look forward to finding out the rest."

She wrapped her arms around my shoulders, arching her back and giving me full access to her exposed neck. "Okay, you win," she whispered. "Let's skip breakfast."

I grinned.

Victory was mine.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"It's intriguing that you and Alice missed breakfast when I could have sworn you two were standing outside the Great Hall together this morning," Fred smirked as he dropped down next to me on the common room couch during our free period.

I looked up from my playbook. "And by 'could have sworn' do you mean that you were quite literally talking to us outside the Great Hall this morning?"

"I was going for discrete."

"I was going for you're a prat."

"Now, now, I wouldn't insult the guy who could run through every corridor in the school announcing all of the gory details behind your back-and-forth relationship with that BFF of yours."

"I'm surprised you haven't done that yet."

"Why, how could you say that? I am a moral man who respect's a mate's right to privacy," he huffed.

I stared at him. "Since when?"

He pretended to think about it. "Good point. I bid you adieu so that I can now go run through every corridor in the school announcing- _oof_ ," he groaned as I smacked him with a couch pillow. Rubbing his nose, he said, "Yeah, I might have deserved that."

"Besides, there aren't that many details that the rest of the school doesn't know," I drawled. I started to tick off a list on my hands. "Kissed BFF, slept with someone else, went on a silent treatment binge, lost seeker, gained seeker, had entire school protesting Gryffindor Code in regards to my seeker, made up with BFF, asked BFF out, had entire school protesting Gryffindor Code in regards to me and her."

Glancing over at Fred, whose mouth was slightly agape. "Have I missed anything?"

"No, I think you pretty much got it all," he said, shaking his head in amusement.

I shrugged. "Yeah, so excuse me if Ace and I wanted to get out of the spotlight for a while this morning. I'm already questioning this relationship as it is. I hardly need the rest of the school to chime in."

Fred's brow furrowed almost immediately. "You're already questioning it?" he asked softly.

I winced. "No, I don't mean like that," I quickly clarified. "I just mean, I don't know why she's choosing me. I don't need people like Pruitt and Finch and Jessup telling me she can do better when I'm already plenty aware of that."

Fred grew unnaturally quiet then and when I glanced over at him, I noticed he was looking far more pensive than I was used to seeing out of him. "The thing is, James," he finally spoke, "The questioning why a great girl picked you isn't really going to go away anytime soon. It'll always be there, every time you make a mistake or you say the wrong thing or even just in the middle of the night when you can't sleep. It doesn't go away. So all you can really do is let that motivate you to be as close to the person they deserve as possible."

I saw how uncomfortable Fred was at talking about his own insecurities, ones that clearly matched his, but I appreciated the advice more than he could know. "Y'know, Fred," I said, clapping him on the shoulder, "Carver is incredibly lucky to have you."

He smiled at me. "Y'know, James," he said, clapping me on the shoulder as well before offering me a jesting smirk, "AliCat can do better."

He was not at all surprised by the mouthful of pillow he received.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

The rest of the day was anything but entertaining but it was exactly what I expected. I got laughed at, pointed at, whispered about, stared at, leered at, insulted at, and pretty much every other invasive verb. It appeared that my relationship with Alice was suddenly breaking news and everyone had an opinion on it.

Seriously, everyone.

Parker told me it would never last. I hexed him.

Ryleigh congratulated me and told me not to fuck it up. I thanked her and then walked away.

Roxanne wanted all of the details. I told her to get them from her brother.

Callum Finch said he couldn't wait to see this blow up in my face. I shoved him.

Hugo told me that Alice could do better, though I'm pretty sure he was teasing. I punched him in the shoulder just for good measure.

Harley thought "it was the cutest thing ever." I wasn't sure what to say so I just smiled at her.

Kenley laughed at me and said she gave it twenty-four hours before I'd find some other girl to snog. I called her a jealous bint.

Reese asked how Alice got her hands on Amortentia. I glared at her. And then we laughed.

The list just went on and on. By the time the day was coming to a close, all I wanted to do was slink off to Alice's bedroom and hide myself away from the world.

The world, however, had other plans.

I was wandering up the stairwell towards Alice's bedroom when she came thundering down the stairs, grabbing my arm and dragging me behind in the process. "Uh, ouch, there's a man attached to that arm!"

"McGonagall's office. You're coming with me."

We flew through the hallway as I glanced her way. "Abolishment contract?"

"Yep. Brooks insisted on calling a meeting with the Headmistress."

"Remember when Lily said I shouldn't be anywhere near McGonagall's office when this goes down?"

Alice chuckled, shooting me a sideways look. "You proposed the idea, you get to defend it."

We rounded the corner and rushed down the moving stairwell. "Do you think telling McGonagall to fuck off would be anywhere near as effective as telling the other Captains?"

Her eyebrow quirked upward. "How was it effective when they went to the Headmistress next with their complaints?"

"Not 'they,'" I argued with a shrug. "Just Pruitt."

"Something tells me your brother and Kye aren't exactly against this either."

"Yeah, well, I'm not completely against the idea of locking my brother in a high tower somewhere for the rest of the year to shut him up."

She elbowed my side but we both laughed as we skidded outside the gargoyle. Alice spoke the password and the two of us headed up the stairs. She knocked and waited for McGonagall to invite us in.

Walking through the door, I noticed the other three Captains were already there. I shot my brother a dirty look for good measure as McGonagall welcomed us in. She summoned another chair and the two of us sat.

"What are you doing here, Potter?" Brooks grumbled.

"Defending my team," I shot back, leaving out the 'asshole' comment I so wanted to add to the end of it.

"Defending your relationship, more like it," he retaliated.

I shrugged. He wasn't entirely wrong. "What is the purpose of you calling this meeting, Pruitt?"

"That's not really any of your business, Potter, seeing as you lost the right to Captain your team last week," he snapped.

I glared at him but it was Alice who spoke up. "He lost the badge," she argued. "That doesn't mean he lost the right to lead our team."

"How is bending the rules to give himself an edge leading?" Brooks snapped.

"And exactly what edge do I have?" I countered.

His eyes narrowed. "The fact of the matter is, Potter, this isn't even about your damned sister anymore."

"Language, Mister Pruitt," McGonagall spoke.

"This is clearly about you and Longbottom," he continued, shooting McGonagall an apologetic look. "And it's clear that instead of leaders, you two are proving to be nothing but manipulative swindlers who would do anything for a win."

"Says the guy who's trying to squash our overturning of a rule that applies _to our team only_ ," I spoke coolly.

"It affects all of us and you know it!"

I just rolled my eyes. "Do you want to know why I think you're so against us abolishing the dating rule?"

"No."

"Because I think you're afraid that you have no shot at winning with my sister, myself, and Alice on the team. You are so desperate to make it to the finals that instead of just proving to all of us your skills on the pitch you'd rather find a way to slide into the finals based off Code technicalities. _Gryffindor_ Codetechnicalities. Have I mentioned yet that these rules apply to our team only?"

"If the rest of us have to play by the rules, so do you!" Brooks snapped.

I wondered if McGonagall would look the other way if I punched this git in the face. "We are playing by the rules," I spoke through gritted teeth, keeping my hands clenched at my side. "Fred's on the bench, isn't he? He's the one that broke the schoolwide Code. There's nothing I can do to get him back on our team and you don't see me trying, do you? Even though I'd very much rather him, our star beater, play over a reserve? But what it comes down to is that our team has the right to amend and modify our internal team Code however we see fit."

" _You're cheating and you know it_."

"Alright, let's all calm down," Professor McGonagall sighed and I had a feeling the last thing she wanted to be doing on a Thursday evening was mediating a Quidditch fight. "Miss Tannehill. Mister Potter—Albus, that is. I'd like to hear your thoughts on the matter."

I shot my brother another dirty look just for good measure as Kye spoke up. "I don't like it any more than Brooks does but for slightly different reasons," she admitted. "I don't agree with amending the rules in the middle of the Quidditch season just because the current ones don't fit their needs. If they want to amend the rules for next year, I'm fine with that. But-"

"Of course you're fine with that," I said with a hint of a teasing grin, "None of will be here next year."

"You'd have to actually graduate this place for that to be true," she shot back.

I rolled my eyes, ignoring the sound of Brooks' laughter.

"I'm just saying that I think it's a bit underhanded to change up the rules midway through the year," Kye finished with a shrug.

Well, shit. Out of all the things that had been said against our rule-abolishing contract, that was the first one that made some actual sense.

"But," Kye sighed, "It is his team and unfortunately he can do what he wants with it."

I knew I liked her.

" _No he can't_ ," Brooks scowled.

Professor McGonagall sighed before glancing over at my brother. "Mister Potter?"

Albus slowly looked up and met the Headmistress' gaze. He said nothing at first as his gaze migrated towards me. Another round of silence followed before he started to speak. "Gryffindor has already played Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff," he pointed out. "So I'm not entirely sure that Kye or Brooks' opinions matter much here."

"They do if Gryffindor makes it to the finals against us!" Brooks snapped.

"It's cute that you think you have a shot at making the finals," I muttered.

"Albus," McGonagall interrupted us with a sigh, her gaze still on my brother. "You still have yet to provide me with your opinion."

His lips pursed as his gaze met mine once again. "It doesn't matter who Gryffindor puts on that pitch. We'll beat them in March and we'll beat them in the finals," he spoke with a shrug. "So I say let them do what they want. The fact of the matter is, we're debating the rules of _Gryffindor's_ Code. It's up to them what to do with it, not us."

To say I was surprised would have been an incredible understatement.

"We were supposed to come in here as a united front," Brooks hissed at my brother.

"You didn't even ask me for my opinion before calling this meeting," Albus pointed out. "You just assumed I felt the same way. And I don't. Whatever they do on their team has no bearing on how my team performs. In fact, I think it's hilarious that my brother decided to put my sister on the team seeing as I know all my sister's tricks and skills on the pitch. This doesn't give them an edge, it gives me an edge."

Well, shit. That thought had not crossed my mind.

"Oh, for the love of Merlin, now _you're_ cheating, too?" Brooks grumbled. "Must run in the Potter family. Then again, of course it does, with all of those articles coming out about your father slutting it up with his employees."

" _Mister Pruitt_ ," McGonagall hissed. "I realize you are none too pleased about Gryffindor's recent Quidditch rules changes, but I will not allow you to besmirch their family's name because you're feeling slighted, so I'd suggest you hold your tongue."

McGonagall, 1. Pruitt, 0.

"While I do agree with Miss Tannehill regarding the suspicious timing of these rule changes," McGonagall spoke, glancing around at all of us, "The fact of the matter is, the existing guidelines do not include a timeline on when internal Code amendments can or cannot be made. So the abolishment contract stands."

Brooks looked like he wanted to punch a wall, or me, so I was not at all surprised when he stormed out of the office, slamming the door behind him.

Kye glanced over at me and shrugged. "I expected this," she admitted. "But word of advice: steer clear of Brooks for a while or he might find a reason to bash your head in."

McGonagall grimaced but I merely laughed. "Noted."

Kye nodded good-bye and disappeared out the door.

I glanced over at Alice with a smile and she smiled back. "Thank you, Professor," Alice spoke to the Headmistress. "I, uh, know this wasn't exactly how you wanted to spend your Thursday evening so I really do appreciate you taking the time to meet with us."

McGonagall nodded. "I'd suggest not trying to change any more rules for the remainder of the year, Miss Longbottom."

Alice chuckled and led us out of the office, Albus dragging his feet behind us.

As we poured into the hallway, Albus barely acknowledged us as he took off in the opposite direction.

"Al," I called out after him.

He stopped towards the end of the hallway and turned around. "What?"

I exchanged a hesitant look with Alice who only shrugged at me. Sighing, I glanced back over at my brother. "Why'd you do it?"

He blinked. "Why'd I do what?"

"You could have sided with Pruitt and Tannehill. Hell, you probably wanted to. So why didn't you?"

He frowned. "This may come as a shock to you, James, but I don't really care what your team does," he drawled. "You know why we're going to beat you next month? Because we know how to focus on the game without focusing on the rest of the crap going on around us. I can barely stand looking at Kat in the hallways or in the common room but I don't let that affect my abilities on the pitch. Even when Hattie was going through all that drama with you, she came to practice ready to play. Malfoy and I aren't speaking to each other but I'll talk to him on the pitch because the game comes first. Maybe your team doesn't know how to do that, but-"

"Yeah, and why exactly aren't you and Malfoy speaking?"

Albus blinked at my interruption. "That's what you're taking away from what I said?"

I shrugged. "Your little speech means shit to me. We'll find out who the better team is come next month," I said. "What's going on with you, Rose, and Malfoy?"

"What's it to you?" he shot back, expectedly so.

 _Oh, just wondering if you found out that your best friend shagged your cousin_.

Right, like I was about to say that out loud.

"So, here's the thing, Al," I murmured, finding myself suddenly treading on dangerous waters. "I know a little thing or two about getting into feuds with my best friend and cousin and all it does it make you angry and bitter and lonely in the end so why don't you let your best friend and cousin be the adults that they are and make their own decisions, no matter how idiotic they may be, so that you don't wind up completely friendless in life. I imagine that's not really what you want."

I noticed Alice cringe beside me and I thought that perhaps I should have worded that better, which was confirmed when Albus glared at me. "Why don't you worry about keeping your relationship alive, Mr. Anti-Commitment, and let me worry about me, alright?"

"How did this become about me?" I groaned.

"It started about you," he seethed. "You want me to go march back into McGonagall's office and tell her to rip up that contract?"

I never knew my quiet, unassuming little brother could be so cutthroat.

"I think it's a little bit late for that," I snapped at him, wondering why I had even considered trying to have anything resembling a civil conversation with him.

He just shot a glare my way and started down the hallway. He didn't get very far before he glanced over his shoulder and said, "Just so you know, I didn't veto your abolishment contract for you. I did that for Lily."

And with that, he was gone.

I let out a sigh. Of course he hadn't done it for me. It had nothing to do with me. I should have seen that coming. Albus didn't give a shit about me and why should he when I never seemed to give a shit about him?

I guess in the end, I had Lily to thank for the contract being approved.

Not that I planned on telling her that.

"You okay?"

I glanced behind me, nearly forgetting that Alice was there. With a nod, I reached for her hand and squeezed it. "C'mon, let's go tell the rest of the team we won our case in court."

She groaned. " _McGonagall's office_."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"You weren't supposed to be anywhere near the courtroom," Lily reminded me.

" _McGonagall's office_ ," Alice muttered.

I shrugged. "Ace dragged me there. Blame her."

"Blame me for what? It worked out, didn't it?" she pointed out. "Not sure how you managed to keep yourself in check but you handled yourself well. I didn't even say anything. You took over."

Thinking back, I realized she was right. "You said one thing."

She smirked, leaning back on the couch opposite me with a smile. "And you said a lot more than one thing."

I shrugged.

"Did he also punch Pruitt in the face?" Fred contemplated. "Because that totally seems like something he'd do."

"Oh, believe me, I wanted to," I muttered. "As if he ever had a say on what goes on with _our freaking team_. How did he think he'd win that argument?"

"He's just desperate to find a way to disqualify us," Jax spoke with a mere shrug. "To say he hates our team is a slight understatement."

"He doesn't hate the whole team. Mostly just my brother," Lily smirked.

"He's not exactly Fred's biggest fan either," Hugo pointed out.

"Or AliCat's," Jax agreed. "But that's probably because she associates with the troublemaking twins."

"Ooh, troublemaking twins," Fred said, stroking his chin. "I like the sound of that."

As we all laughed, CJ spoke. "So are we done with all of this back-and-forth will-the-rule-stand-or-won't-it crap?"

"Yeah," I said with a grin. "But that doesn't mean you get to snog your girlfriend in public. Or, y'know, _ever_."

He chuckled, sharing a tender look with Lily who smiled back at him.

Ew.

"So I'm glad the entire team is here because there's something I'd like to say," Alice spoke out, slowly sitting up on the couch with what appeared to be an eager expression as she glanced around at the team.

All eyes turned to her curiously. "Is it more about how Lily and CJ should keep themselves at an arm's length distance apart at all times?" I suggested.

She shot me a look. " _No_."

"Oh," I said, slowly shaking my head. " _Can_ it be about that?"

I ducked from where I sat perched on the coffee table as Lily attempted to chuck a pillow in my face.

"No, though I'm strongly reconsidering what I'm about to say," Alice drawled, a hint of a smirk on her face.

I grinned sheepishly. "Alright, get on with it. What does our dear Cappy have to say?"

She looked at me, a quiet smile resting on her lips. "Actually," she said with a slight nod, "That's exactly what I want to talk about."

I blinked and I appeared to not be the only one confused. "What is?"

She said nothing at first, her eyes meeting mine with an unexpected hope in her expression. "Quidditch Captain."

I glanced around at the others, all of whom had smiles on their faces so apparently I was the only one not getting it. Turning back towards Alice, I said, "Any chance you could be less vague?"

She chuckled and withdrew the Captain badge out of her pocket, tossing it towards me. I was caught off-guard as I bobbled it in my hand before catching it. "It's yours again, Jay."

I looked down at it and then back up at her. I said nothing at first, staring at her in surprise before the realization of what she was saying settled in. "It shouldn't be," I argued. "I screwed up. That's what I do. You are a far better Captain than me, more levelheaded and honest and less aggressive than I ever was. Keep the badge, Ace. You deserve it."

She shook her head. "I can't keep it. It's not mine."

"Ace-"

"I was only Acting Captain," she cut me off with a knowing smile. "That badge always belonged to you."

I was slightly speechless, which was a rarity for me, as I glanced back down at the badge again, running my finger over the raised C. "I can't imagine your father agrees with this," I murmured.

There was a definite hesitation before she answered. "Not exactly," she admitted. "But he told me it was my decision. Well, our decision. The team's."

I glanced around at the others who I was surprised to see were all smiling. "She's the nice one," I reminded them. "You really want me to go back to being Dictator Potter?"

"We're hoping that you being in a relationship will soften you up," Rose teased.

My eyebrow shot upward. "Do I look like the soft type?"

I yelped as Fred's fingers poked my side. "You are getting a tad pudgy in the stomach area, mate."

I smacked him on the back of the head. "And for that, you're getting laps during our next practice."

He hesitated, rubbing the back of his skull. "Yeah, I vote we keep AliCat as Captain. Who's with me?"

As a ripple of laughter surged through the group, Alice merely shook her head. "I deal with you yahoos enough without having to lead you, too," she teased.

"Oh, is that all we are to you? Yahoos?" Fred teased, jumping off the coffee table and lunging at her, tickling her sides playfully.

Alice let out a shriek, struggling against Fred's grasp. "Argh, stop it! _Give him more laps, Jay_!"

I laughed, grabbing the back of my cousin's shirt and dragging him away from my girlfriend. "We play Slytherin in six weeks and I'll be damned if we don't beat the shit out of them," I said. "Practice resumes Sunday night and our priority is making Lily inconspicuous to my brother or he'll find a way to blow up our entire game. Come prepared."

I was not surprised to be on the receiving end of various eyes rolls. "Is anyone else thinking that James cares more about beating his brother than actually winning?" Jax snorted.

" _Laps, Bloch_."

"For making an observation?"

I shrugged. "For being you."

He opened his mouth to retort but Rose beat him to it. "Seems like a good reason to give someone laps to me," she drawled.

Jax glared at her. "On that note, I'm going to go find my _girlfriend_ and pin down Valentine's Day plans with her," he snapped, clearly rubbing his relationship in her face as he pulled himself off the couch and took off towards the portrait.

"Valentine's Day is in less than two days," Fred commented curiously. "Shouldn't he already have plans pinned down?"

"What plans?" Rose drawled irritably. "Seems to me snogging in public shouldn't take much to plan."

I desperately searched for a quick and easy subject change but before I could think of something, Rose was swiftly pulling herself off the couch. "I have homework," she announced before disappearing up the stairs.

Fred's brow furrowed as he watched her go before turning back to the rest of us. "What's with her?"

I decided to pretend not to know the answer to that.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"So," I said to Alice when it was just me and her left on the couch, "You talked to your dad about the badge, hm?"

She glanced up from her Potions notes. "That I did."

"Does that mean you might have talked to him about other things?" I suggested.

"Yeah," she said with a slow nod, "We talked a lot about the weather. The temperatures have been dropping steadily all week. Nearly feels like Antarctica out there."

I looked at her, unamused. "Really? The weather?" I drawled. "That's it?"

She stifled a laugh. "You might have come up, too."

My eyebrow peaked upward. "And how'd that go?"

She looked at me and slowly, a smirk began to form. A smirk I didn't like one bit. "He wants to talk to you in his office tomorrow after lunch. One o'clock. He said don't be late."

I blinked. "Uh, I'm sorry, what now?"

"It went fine," she chuckled, tossing her quill down in front of her. "He was a tad surprised at the timing, considering we had just decided to become friends again after two very silent weeks of not being friends, but he told me that if I was happy, he was happy. He also said he saw it coming a mile away."

My eyebrow shot up. "Seriously? _We_ didn't even see it coming."

"Apparently, he's smarter than the both of us."

Well, I suppose he didn't become a professor for being dumb.

Shrugging, I narrowed my eyes at her. "Okay, now back to this whole I have to meet with up him thing."

She grinned sheepishly. "He said he needed to have a little chat with you."

"I don't like the sound of that."

"He's not going to murder you if that's what you think."

"That's exactly what I think."

"He just wants to make sure you take care of his daughter, Jay," she chuckled.

"No, he just wants to rip my head off my body and feed it to the lake squid."

She laughed again and it reminded me just how infectious her laughter was. "You're being dramatic."

I made a face. "For the record, the proper response to 'hey, daughter, I want to talk to this boyfriend of yours' would have been 'no way in hell.'"

Another laugh. I loved it. "You've known my dad your entire life, Jay. You'll be fine."

"He's known me as the best friend of his daughter, not the guy who's currently snogging said daughter. Believe me when I say, there is a huge bloody difference."

She looked up at me, amusement tugging at the end of her lips. "And believe me when I say, _you'll be fine_."

"I'm fairly certain you don't know the meaning of the word 'fine.'"

She leaned over to press a quick kiss before saying, "If there's someone we should be worried about, it would be the press."

I let out a quiet groan at that very thought. "Fuck, I didn't even think about the press."

She smiled up at me. "The press loves to paint you as the rebellious bad boy. This may not actually be so bad for you."

"You say that now but I guarantee whatever the _Daily Prophet_ has to say, they'll make sure to include my many past escapades," I muttered.

"All of which I am very much aware of already."

I hesitated. "And you still want to date me? Should we be worried about your sanity level?"

I ducked as she attempted to swat me in the back of the head, both of us laughing in unison. "You may have been a piece of shit to pretty much every other girl you've ever been with but you're not one to me."

I glanced down at her curiously. "Except when I slept with someone else the day after I kissed you."

She glared up at me.

"Maybe that's something I shouldn't ever bring up again."

Her upper lip twitched. "Yeah, maybe when the _Daily Prophet_ reaches out for a quote, you _don't_ mention that part."

I snorted. "The only thing I'll ever be mentioning to the _Daily Prophet_ is 'no comment.'"

She smiled up at me, her fingers intertwining with mine. "We knew this wouldn't be easy," she reminded me.

I leaned back against the couch with a heavy sigh. "Nothing in my life has ever been easy," I pointed out, running my fingers haggardly through my hair as a sudden air of defeat overtook me. I felt Alice's hand squeeze mine and I looked down at her with a lopsided smile. "But I've gotten through it all alright mostly thanks to you."

She removed her hand from mine and wrapped both arms around my shoulders, drawing herself close to me. "Then it's a good thing I'm not going anywhere, Jay," she whispered, her eyes meeting mine with a hopeful intensity.

I smiled down at her and nodded, brushing a stair hair from her face. "You say that now but wait until the press latches onto you," I teased.

"I've gotten plenty of grief today from our peers and yet I'm still here, aren't I?"

I hesitated, realizing only then that I wasn't the only one being leered at by the general population. "Who was giving you grief?" I scoffed. "I'll kill them."

She rolled her eyes. "I don't need you to be my knight in shining armor, Jay. I just need you to be you."

I growled. "Yes, but part of me is that guy who strangles anybody who dares to say anything bad to you."

"I don't care what they think or what they have to say," she was quick to argue, resting her chin against my shoulder as her gaze held mine. "I just care about me and you. The rest of the world may have their own opinion but my opinion is that you're the only guy for me."

She really did have a way with words, didn't she?

"I'm pretty sure I don't deserve you," I said with a small smile.

"Probably not," she teased.

I laughed before pressing my lips to hers, finding such comfort in the tender kiss. I drew her into my body tightly as our lips molded together, a brief kiss but passionate nonetheless. As she pulled away, I smiled down at her and said, "I think I could get used to this."

Her lips tugged upward. "I would just like to go on record saying that if someone had told me at this time last week that you and I would be snogging in the middle of the common room, I would have laughed in their face and sent them to Madam Clearwater for a much-needed psych evaluation."

My laughter filled the air as I gripped her closer to me. "This should feel weird," I agreed with a simple nod, "But it just feels as if we should have been doing it all along."

She nodded and smiled. "Feels right."

"Feels good."

She nodded again but broke the rather tender moment by glancing at the clock. "Curfew is in ten minutes. I need to head back."

"I'll walk you back."

She snorted. "That sounds an awful lot like code for 'I'll walk you back so we can make out in every broom cupboard we come across.'"

"You have it all wrong," I huffed. "I was thinking we could just make out in your room."

She shoved me playfully, a laugh at the end of her lips. "I'm going back to my room and you're staying here because if you don't, you will be breaking curfew."

She pulled herself off the couch, all while I pouted. "See, this is why I never dated the rule-following type in the past," I said with an overdramatic sigh.

She shot me a look. "You never dated any type in the past."

"Eh, technicalities."

She just grinned and kissed me one last time before heading out.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

We had a short morning practice that Friday but the weather was more grueling than ever, the wind making it near impossible to do any straight flying. It helped us work on our dexterity in the face of unexpected wind patterns but by the end of the first hour, none of us could feel our toes. So being the nice Captain I was, I dismissed practice early.

After much-needed hot showers, all of us found ourselves wandering off to the Great Hall together and I couldn't remember the last time I was so happy to see a pot of hot oatmeal in my life.

"Valentine's Day isn't even really a holiday," Cass was arguing with Hugo as she filled her plate full of carbohydrates.

"Tell that to all the starry-eyed hopeless romantics of the female persuasion that roam this school," my cousin snorted.

"Not all of us live in a fictional fantasy world," Cass huffed, flipping her blonde hair over her head.

"Cheers to that," Rose snorted into her pumpkin juice.

Ignoring her, I asked my keeper, "You going into Hogsmeade with that Miles kid, Cass?"

Cass nodded. "Yeah. And for the record, he's the one that wants to go to Puddifoot's, not me."

As the predictable gender we were, all of the guys grimaced. Okay, well, all the guys except for CJ. "I guarantee you he does not _want_ to go to Puddifoot's," Jax snorted. "No guy wants to go there. They do it because their girls want them to."

"Or, and here's a thought, you cynical prat, he wants to go because he likes the idea of making his girl happy," Rose shot back.

"And what would you know about being happy, Miss Cynical?"

Oh, Merlin, I smelled another fight coming on.

Rose opened her mouth and I had a feeling it was going to be some insult of some sort, so I cut her off. "Well, what do you say, Ace? Join me in Hogsmeade for an off-the-cuff, romantic, starry-eyed date?"

Alice had her fork halfway to her mouth when she hesitated, looking at me with clear disbelief. "That's how you're going to ask me out on a Valentine's Day date? Just because you want to shut Jax and Rose up?"

Damn, she caught on to that, did she.

"Erm…"

She grinned. "I'm kidding. I'm in."

And this is why I liked her.

"Hogsmeade is tomorrow and you're only now asking her out?" Rose drawled with a slight shake of the head.

"At least she got asked out," Jax muttered under his breath and as Rose sent another scathing look towards the sixth year, I once again swooped in to stop a fight from happening.

"I'm thinking we should go anywhere but Puddifoot's, Ace," I suggested. "Please tell me you don't disagree."

"Aw, you don't want to shove our three-day old relationship in all of the kissing couples faces who will be camped out at that lovey-dovey establishment all afternoon?"

"I'm much prefer to shove our three-day old relationship in all of the single, bitter folks' faces who will be camped out at Three Broomsticks all afternoon."

"Deal."

We all laughed before Fred chimed in. "Ryleigh and I plan to hit up Three Broomsticks in the afternoon. You two want to meet up?"

"Aw, that's adorable, you can't stand the idea of spending Valentine's Day without your bromantic partner," Alice teased him, nudging me in jest.

Fred glared at her. "I take it back. I don't want to meet up with you."

"If I recall, last year you two spent Valentine's Day holed up in the Three Broomsticks hitting on all the lonely, pathetic girls who walked through the door whining about being dateless," Rose drawled.

"Speaking of lonely, pathetic girls," Jax muttered.

Did he have to get in a dig every time Rose spoke?

"Don't know what you're talking about, Rose," Fred huffed, ignoring Jax completely. "We have always been perfect gentlemen."

That earned an entire table of laughs.

I glanced at Fred and shrugged. "Yeah, there was no chance anyone was going to buy that."

He merely grinned and shoveled a forkful of eggs into his mouth.

"So, tell me," I said, turning my narrowed gaze on to CJ across the table, "What are your Valentine's Day intentions with my sister, Colton Jackass?"

He glanced over at Lily, but she was too busy glaring at me. "None of your business, James Not-so-Sirius."

"Doesn't he seem like the type who would like Puddifoot's, Jameso?" Fred chimed in with a quirked eyebrow.

"Oh, yeah, totally the type, Freddo," I commented with a nod.

"Not much of a manly man, Jameso."

"Not at all, Freddo."

"Lily clearly wears the pants in that relationship, Jameso."

"Clearly, Freddo."

We were silenced by a pair of scones hitting our faces. "You two are insufferable berks, y'know that?" she drawled. "And now that I know you two are avoiding Puddifoot's, guess what twosome will be turning into one of those kissing couples camped out at the tea shop all afternoon?"

Well, that totally backfired.

" _No kissing allowed_ ," Fred barked.

" _You keep your hands off her, Colton Jell-O_ ," I warned.

CJ shot Lily a look. "Thank you for that."

Lily grinned triumphantly. "Are you really complaining though?"

He hesitated before shrugging. "Nope, seems like a good way to spend an afternoon to me."

"NO KISSING ALLOWED."

"YOU KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF HER, COLTON JAMES WOOD."

CJ grimaced but it was Hugo who spoke next. "Well, would you look at that," he said with a small shake of the head, "James _does_ know CJ's real middle name."

I shot my cousin a look but didn't have time to respond as the Great Hall suddenly became flooded with owls. Glancing up, I found myself immediately groaning as a flock of owls made their way in my direction, all of which I recognized as owls belonging to various members of my family. My family who almost definitely knew about my change in relationship status.

"Holy Hufflepuff, what owl army did you recently piss off?" Jax snorted as six owls dropped off letters in front of me and immediately began pecking at the closest person's plates. "Oy, off my bacon!"

Alice chuckled from where she sat opposite me. "Well, go on. Open them."

"I don't wanna."

"Why not?" she questioned with a mere shrug. "They're going to be far better than their usual invasive 'what did you do to Fred' and 'what did you do to Alice' owls you've been receiving these past few weeks."

She had a point.

I started opening them one by one. The first one was from Mum who, in all caps, said she was thrilled I finally had the guts to ask my best friend out (apparently she had seen this coming just like Neville had). Next was from Uncle George who insisted I stop by the shop on Saturday with Alice (I was thinking that not showing up was a far better option). I received another one from Grandmum who essentially told me I couldn't possible find a better girl than Alice Longbottom (this one I couldn't argue with). The next letter was from Uncle Ron and Aunt Hermione who basically called Alice an angel and a saint and then warned me not to screw it up like I always do (thanks for the vote of confidence). Another letter was from Louis and it just said DETAILS PLEASE (I tossed that one to Fred who would be more than happy to give Louis the details). And the last letter was from Teddy, the only letter that actually made me smile.

 _J,_

 _Lily told me something every interesting about you. About you and Alice in particular. Tell me, why am I learning that you are officially off the market from your sister and not say, oh I don't know, YOU?_

 _As insulted as I am, I'm really happy for you. For the both of you. I know what it's like to start dating your best friend. I know that you probably have about eighteen other letters from your various family members throwing in their two cents. I know that that might make you nervous because now there really is no coming back. I know you're afraid of screwing things up but I also know that you've probably never been happier. So my advice to you is, ignore everything else. Ignore your family. Ignore your nerves. Just be the you and Alice you've always been and I guarantee things will turn out okay._

 _Oh, and snog the hell out of her every moment you get because I swear to you there will be no other feeling in the world that will top that._

 _(But also remember that her father is probably watching so just be smart about it.)_

 _Take care of yourself and take care of her and I assure you that everything else will fall into place._

 _Love,_

 _T_

 _P.S. It's a boy._

 _P.P.S. No, we are not naming him James Jr._

"What did Teddy have to say?" Alice asked when I finally lifted my head out of the letter.

I smiled and shrugged. "He says he's having a boy."

Alice was confused but she was cut off from responding by Lily's squeal next to her. "He's having a boy?"

"That's what I said, isn't it?" I chuckled.

"Apparently Teddy isn't calling his baby James Jr. though," Fred spoke from next to me.

I swatted at him. "Are you reading my letters over my shoulder?"

"Of course," he said with a dismissive snort. "And you know why he's not calling his baby James Jr.?"

"He's not calling him Fred Jr. either!" I shot back.

Fred smirked. "Oh, we'll see."

"Guys, we've been over this," Hugo spoke with a shake of the head. "You two are already juniors. The kid would be James the Third or Fred the Third."

"I don't think I can be called a junior when it skipped a generation," I argued.

"No, but you would be James the Second," Rose chimed in. "Meaning that Teddy's child would still be James the Third."

" _He's not naming his son James_ ," Fred groaned.

"James isn't technically a Second at all," Alice added to the ridiculousness of the conversation we were currently having. "Because he and his grandfather have different middle names."

"Well, if we're using that logic than Teddy's son wouldn't be James Junior or James the Second or James the Third because his last name is not Potter," Lily pointed out.

" _Teddy isn't naming his son James_!" Fred repeated.

"Ah, so what I'm hearing is we should suggest Teddy naming him Just James," I contemplated with a curious nod.

" _He's not naming his son James_."

"Now, would Just be his first name and James be his middle name?" Jax questioned. "Or would Just-James be his hyphenated first name and Jackson be his middle name?"

We all turned towards him. "Dude, why would a member of our family name their son after _you_?" Fred drawled.

"Uh, alliteration purposes, _duh_."

We all stared at him for just a brief moment before bursting into laughter.

"For the record," Cass spoke up with the slightest shake of the head, "This conversation might be the most idiotic conversation I have ever been privy to."

"If you stick around long enough, you'll realize that all the Peasley family is good for is idiotic conversations," Jax smirked.

Biscuits and bacon went flying at the beater from all kinds of directions.

"Who's the idiot now, insulting a family that makes up more than half the Quidditch team?" Rose drawled.

He peeled a piece of bacon from his shirt and tossed it into his mouth. "Still you," he shot back.

She flipped him off. "Your girlfriend is down at the other end of the table," Rose drawled. "If we're such idiots, then why don't you go join her and leave us alone?"

"Why don't you go join that boyfriend of yours? No, wait, you don't have one because even Malfoy isn't interested in you for anything more than a sleazy snog in a closet somewhere."

For just a few minutes in time, it was almost as if I had forgotten about their little war.

Almost.

"Quit it, you two," I pleaded. "You are giving us all a blinding headache."

"It's a good thing that's all I'm interested from him, too, then, isn't it," Rose shot back at Jax, ignoring me completely.

I wondered if I should use my newfound invisibility for good or evil.

"Of course it is!" he laughed. "Because there is not a single other guy in this entire school who has or would have any interest in being with or ever dating the Queen Bitch of Gryffindor in all her intolerable glory! Enjoy being alone for the rest of your pathetic life, Weasley."

She didn't even bother flipping him off that time. Instead, she stood up abruptly from the table and stormed out of the Great Hall completely.

The irritation in Jax's expression gave way to guilt very quickly as he watched her go, though he tried to pass it off as he found a sudden interest in his scrambled eggs.

"You've really got to learn to watch that mouth of yours around my cousin, Bloch," I spoke, perhaps a tad too harshly, as I swiftly pulled myself off the bench.

"Tell that to her!" he shot back.

I sent him a scathing glare before grabbing my schoolbag and rushing towards the exit, ignoring Fred as he asked me where I was going. I saw Rose's red hair disappearing around a corridor at the top of the stairwell so I quickly took the stairs by twos and rushed after her.

"I'm fine, James."

Not surprised that she knew it was me, I slowed my pace as I made my way beside her. "It's okay if you're not."

She shot me a sideways glare. "No. No way. I refuse to let a few words from some jackass bother me in any way."

I hesitated before saying, "But they do bother you."

She opened her mouth to retaliate but no words came out. She shut her mouth and swiftly turned away from me with a frown. Silence fell around us as we wandered the hallways. I didn't know where we were going as Rose led the way and a few minutes had passed before she finally spoke. "I really hate him," she muttered.

All I could do was offer her a lopsided smile. "No, you don't."

There was a flicker of overwhelming despair in her eyes before it was once again replaced with her usual stone-faced look. "No," she muttered. "I don't. But things would be so much easier if I did."

"When has anything in our lives ever been easy?" I pointed out, nudging her with my shoulder.

She only shrugged, clearly not up for any kind of banter.

"Can I ask you something?" I questioned hesitantly.

She glanced at me curiously. "Depends what it is."

Typical Rose response, never agreeing to do anything unless she knew what she was getting out of it.

"Why do you like him?"

Her lips pursed as she shrugged. "I don't know."

I rolled my eyes. "Of course you know. You always have an answer to everything."

She stopped abruptly in the hallway and I followed suit. Turning towards me, there was an unexpected softness in her eyes. She said nothing at first, clearly mulling the question over. Not because she didn't know the answer but because she didn't know how to say it.

She began to speak. "I think all of us in our family had to grow up rather headstrong, what with dealing with the ongoing gossip and the press and then there's the whole living-in-the-shadows-of-our-parents situation," she spoke softly, her gaze faltering towards the ground. "And I think it's safe to say I might have become just a tad more headstrong than others in our family, and by that I mean I'm a total bitch, but I own that. I have no problem being a bitch. If being a bitch means no one dares to even try and walk all over me or talk badly about me and my family to my face, I am happy to be a bitch. I am happy to play that role. I've gotten pretty good at being rude to others and yelling at those who cross my path and being blunt and honest and I've gotten really good at not caring about anything or anyone. And most people have learned to just stay out of my way. And I'm okay with that. If that means being my own person and not the person everyone had always expected me to be, I'm okay with that."

It dawned on me where she was going with this. "But Jax didn't stay out of your way."

She glanced back up at me and slowly nodded. "The first time I had a real conversation with him, we were paired up in Potions class a few months into our first year. He screwed something up and I yelled at him because let's face it, that's what I do. He looked at me and he just…he laughed. He laughed and said, 'don't worry, your highness, I don't think they hand out Ts on your very first assignment,'" she said, her words soft against her tongue. Her lip twitched upward into a nostalgic smile before it faded once again. "He was and is one of the very few people in my life who has never taken my bullshit. He fights back. He challenges me. He's as blunt with me as I am with him. He doesn't see me as a bitch. He might be the only person in the world who just sees me for me. Or at least he used to."

Rose and I had a rather complicated relationship. There were times we got along incredibly well and other times where we wanted to rip each other's throats out. We were never best friends as she bided her time with my brother and I bided my time with Fred and Alice. This was the type of conversation she normally wouldn't save for me but as I was the only one who knew her predicament, it made sense that she felt compelled to share with me. I knew all too well what it was like to keep things bottled in and I knew how much it could hurt. And as I stared at my cousin, a girl who was not only headstrong but who always came off tough and resilient, I saw instead a broken heart that hadn't even known it was broken until it was too late.

"Why is it always the good ones who find a way to hurt us the most?" I murmured sadly.

She met my gaze and I saw the slightest trace of tears stinging the side of her eyes. "And why is it that they don't even know they're doing it most of the time?"

I thought back to when Alice wasn't speaking to me. I thought of all the times she refused to look at me. How every time a quiet ache in my heart just grew until it took over my bloodstream and rendered me completely immobile. It hadn't just hurt. It nearly killed me, the pain so remarkably unbearable, and as I glanced down at my younger cousin, it saddened me to know exactly what she was feeling. A feeling that I wouldn't wish on anyone, not even my worst enemy and especially not my own flesh and blood.

"Call me crazy, and yes I realize how hypocritical this might make me sound," I spoke slowly, Alice's smile flashing through my mind, "But have you ever considered telling him how you feel?"

Rose let out a derisive laugh, the sadness in her eyes suddenly replaced with her usual guardedness. "He has a girlfriend," she reminded me. "A bubbly blonde who isn't a bitch."

"You didn't answer my question."

She shot me a look. "He'd laugh in my face and you know it."

"Or, and here's where the plot thickens, he may actually feel the same way about you."

She shook her head. "No, he doesn't," she muttered.

"You're not even going to consider that he might-"

"I don't have to consider it," she spoke softly. "I already know."

She sounded so much like me just a few days earlier when the very possibility of me and Alice getting together was laughable. It saddened me because I knew how much those thoughts could ache.

With a sigh, I just said, "In my experience, Rosie, guys don't go out of their way to have a conversation with a girl the way Jax does with you, even if those conversations have grown to be rather antagonistic, unless there's a reason for it."

"There is a reason for it. He finds me annoying."

"Oh, he does not," I drawled. "Remember when the two of you were actually on friendly terms? Before you both turned yourselves into sixteen-year-old hotheaded enemies?"

"Yeah, and didn't you ever wonder why we went from being on friendly terms to being hotheaded enemies?" she snapped at me.

"All the time," I spoke. "Any chance you're about to tell me why?"

She said nothing.

I took that as a no.

Sighing, I said, "I know you always like to come off as tough and impenetrable but you're allowed to feel something, Rose."

She took a long time to respond. "If this is what it's like to feel something," she whispered, "Count me out."

Her voice shook as she spoke and it tugged on my heartstrings. "I know sometimes it can feel horrible and overwhelming and devastating, but take it from someone who knows: it gets much better."

She frowned. "I think this whole you-having-a-girlfriend thing is making you way too sappy."

I noticed that she avoided responding to my comment. "Or maybe it's just given me a new perspective on relationships, especially those worth having."

She rolled her eyes. "Another sappy comment by the sappy one himself."

I shrugged. "I think you're mixing up sappy with happy, which is understandable as they're only one letter off _—oof_ ," I groaned as Rose elbowed me in the stomach before taking off down the hallway. I quickly jogged after her.

"I'm fine, James," she said for a second time that morning.

I glanced at her warily. "Rose…"

She frowned. "Okay, I _will_ be fine."

I offered her a small smile and reached for her arm, stopping her from ascending the stairwell. "Alright, be prepared, I'm about to make the ultimate sap move and hug you, dear cousin."

"Oh, no you won't!" she groaned, trying to push me away but I just laughed and grabbed a hold of her, drawing her into me. She let out another groan, being the least touchy-feely person I knew, but I didn't let up, crushing her against me with a grin.

She eventually stopped struggling and I felt her arms coming around me. With a slow shake of the head, she said, "AliCat really has made you into a total mushball."

I reluctantly let Rose go with a smile. "Y'know, I think I'm okay with that."

Rose met my gaze and offered me her own smile. "Happiness suits you, James."

I couldn't help but agree.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"Rose likes Jax, doesn't she."

I nearly stumbled over my feet, turning towards Alice with my mouth open as we walked out of Potions together.

"Er…" was my very eloquent response.

"She and Jax have been acting almost hostile towards each other since he announced he was dating Laikyn," she explained. "There's really only one reason for that."

"That she's a bitch and he's the only person that doesn't stand for it?" I said in jest.

Alice chuckled. "In a way, the fact that he's the only person that doesn't stand for it is exactly why I think she might have feelings for him."

Well, color me shocked that Alice picked up on that.

Or maybe not. Alice did always have a habit of being right.

"You have a real way of reading people, didya know that?" I chuckled nervously.

She smiled, seemingly taking that as a compliment. "For what it's worth," she spoke hesitantly as we rounded the corner towards the Great Hall for lunch, "I think he might like her, too."

I wasn't in disagreement with her but I was curious what gave her that impression. "Seriously? You really think he might have feelings for her?"

She hesitated. "I really think he's afraid to admit he has feelings for her."

Well, that certainly wouldn't be farfetched. Look how long it took me to admit I had feelings.

That very thought only made me groan. "Bloody hell, what is with all of us males being so afraid of our bloody feelings?"

Alice let out a boisterous laugh. "You came around eventually," she reminded me. "Maybe Jax will, too."

"He has a girlfriend," I pointed out.

She hesitated. "Or maybe Jax won't come around at all."

I made a face. "I hate being a teenager. Let's fast forward ten years, shall we?"

"And become adults living in the Real World?"

I paused. "Let's rewind ten years, shall we?"

She laughed and reached for my hand, taking a step closer to me as a suggestive look twinkled in her eye. "But if we rewind ten years, we don't get to do this," she whispered before pressing her lips to mine hungrily. The kiss was unexpectedly aggressive as she pushed her body into mine, her one hand still in mine. I let my free hand grip her waist, our tongues intertwining as our hearts raced as one.

As our consciences got the best of us, both of us realizing we were currently snogging like two horny teenagers right outside the Great Hall, we pulled apart. "Okay, you win," I spoke breathlessly, "Let's stay teenagers."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I was grateful that the week was finally winding down and I had a Hogsmeade trip to look forward to until Alice reminded me at lunch of my meeting with her father.

I would have gladly taken another week of classes and no Hogsmeade visit at all over a one-on-one with her father but apparently this meeting was not optional.

So there I stood outside Neville's door as the clock struck one, wondering if it was too late to transfer to Beauxbatons for the year.

Eventually, I knocked and heard him tell me to come in. Creaking open the door, I wandered into the office and glanced up at Neville who appeared to be grading papers behind his desk. He finished up what he was doing and then looked up, gesturing towards the chair in front of him. I took it, albeit very warily.

"So," Neville said, tossing his quill down on to his desk and leaning back in his chair, "You're dating my little girl."

All I could do was nod.

"And what makes you think you're good enough for her?"

I stared up at Neville, only then realizing just how intimidating he could be. "I don't think I'm good enough for her," I spoke softly. "I don't think anyone is."

Neville peered at me, the silence between us incredibly unnerving. "Well, would you look at that, sounds like we're in agreement over something."

I winced.

"My daughter is very special to me, James," he spoke softly. "I know I don't have to tell you that. You've seen it firsthand all these years. Because you've been there. You've been there for her for seventeen years, almost eighteen years. You've been there through it all. And I have, too. I was there to see your friendship blossom. I saw both of you grow up into the people you are today. I've been there through every obstacle and challenge you've both overcome, usually with each other. I'm not going to lie, there were times I thought you were a bad influence on my daughter. You've struggled a lot, specifically in your teenage years, and I sometimes feared that you were dragging Alice down. And the one thing I don't want is for her to lose herself by becoming the person you want her to be, James."

I gaped at him, the guilt and shame rushing through my every emotion as I replayed his words in my head. Some of them felt gracious, others felt cutting. But he didn't say anything I hadn't already known.

"I know that I've made a lot of mistakes in my life," I admitted, my voice soft with remorse. "I haven't let myself live an easy life. And the funny thing is, sir, there was once a time I thought I had been dragging Alice down, too. I feared I was holding her back from being who she deserved to be. Sometimes I still fear that. I know she can do so much better than me. I know she deserves so much better than me. I know that I might find a way to screw this up like I've screwed everything else up in my life. But I need you to know that the only person I ever want her to be is her. Because if I'm being frank, the person she is, is pretty fucking great."

He said nothing, just staring at me with those scrutinizing eyes as if he was trying to find a way to break me. I sat there with my hands in my lap staring back at him, acting as if he couldn't break me but knowing that in that moment, if anybody could, it could probably be him.

"Another thing we're in agreement over then," he finally said. "Of course, I might have said it without the colorful language."

I winced. "I never said I was perfect," I muttered.

He shook his head. "No, you certainly aren't."

He didn't elaborate which made me think this was going downhill very quickly.

"I know your reputation, James," he spoke softly.

Fuck.

"Professors have eyes and ears, too. We see what's going on with our students. We know what's happening in your off time. We hear the gossip just as much as the rest of you do. So I'm not going to sit here and pretend to like the guy you might have been to other females in this school."

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

"But I consider my daughter very wise and if she chose you, she must have her reasons," he sighed. "And I didn't ask you here today to try and put an end to this relationship. That was never my intention. I see the way she looks at you and yes, I've seen the way you look at her and I thought for years now that this could one day happen. I can't say I was hoping it would happen but here we are."

Yes, here we were.

Which was where exactly?

"Sir, if you didn't ask me here today to try and stop me from dating your daughter then why did you?"

He looked at me, his upper lip twitching. "Isn't it obvious?" he spoke, a twinkle in his eye. "Killing you off seems to be the only answer."

I stared up at him with my mouth hanging open, scowling when he immediately broke out into laughter. "Or at least that's what my daughter tells me you seem to think."

I shrugged. "I certainly thought it was a possibility."

Neville chuckled lightly before fading into a frown. "You've always looked out for her, James," he spoke softly. "You've always been there for her. You might know more about her than I do. Does this relationship make me nervous? Yes. But I know how much you care about her. I've seen it firsthand."

"There isn't a single person in this entire world I care about more than her," I blurted out.

He studied me before offering me a single nod. "I know."

I could only nod back.

He leaned forward, clasping his hands together and placing them hesitantly on the desk. "But I am begging you, James," he whispered, "Please don't break my little girl's heart."

Ah, and the truth of why I had been asked there comes out.

He didn't want to break us up or scare me away or tell me what he really thought. He wanted to know that if she let me into her heart, I wouldn't find a way to turn around and destroy it.

So I looked up at Neville and did the only thing I could. I told him the truth. "If that request had come from a father of any other girl, I don't know if I'd be able to guarantee that," I spoke softly, sitting up in the chair and tipping forward. "But I can promise you, Neville, that I will never hurt your daughter."

He locked eyes with me, the silence between us palpable, before he slowly sat back in his chair with a small smile tugging at his lips. "You know what, James?" he spoke with a curt nod, "I might actually believe you."

An unexpected relief filled my heart as I met the understanding gaze of man who only cared about the same thing I did.

Or should I say, the same person.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I was surprised to find myself leaving Neville's office with a smile on my face, but it slowly faded when I ran into Hattie just outside the library.

We both froze, staring at each other as the awkward tension swam around us.

"Hi," I eventually said.

She shifted the books in her arms to the other arm with a nod. "Hi."

"So," I said, making my way towards her with a hesitant smile, "I guess this is the part where you say 'I told you so.'"

She looked at me before slowly shaking her head. "There's no need for me to say that, James. I'm happy for you."

I grimaced as an unexpected guilt passed through my emotions. "I feel like I screwed you over or something."

She chuckled. "No," she argued, shaking her head at me. "I saw this coming, remember?"

I nodded slowly. "I did like you, Hattie."

A frown creased into her jawline. "She was always the one you were meant to be with," she spoke softly. "I was just the girl you were fooling around with before you realized it."

"No," I said, taking a step towards her with a swift shake of the head, "You were more than that. I never want you to think that I didn't care about you."

She offered me a small smile. "I really do appreciate that," she said with a curt nod. "But you don't owe me anything."

"Hattie," I spoke crisply, "I jerked you around all year and then decided to do the stupidest thing possible and ask you out forgetting that it could never actually happen. Maybe you don't think I owe you anything, but in my mind, I owe you a shit ton more than a simple 'yes, I cared about you.' I owe you an apology. A big one. I never pretended anything with you but sometimes it feels as if maybe I did. But I hope that I never made you feel that way because above all else, you deserve someone great and looking back, that certainly wasn't me."

Her smile grew as her eyes locked with mine. "Well, I'll be damned," she spoke with a chuckle, "I think you might actually be growing up, James Potter."

I looked at her with narrowed eyes before shaking my head. "That can't possibly be true."

She chuckled. "Promise me something, James."

"Oh, good, more promises," I muttered to myself, but I merely shrugged and said to her, "What is it?"

She looked at me with pleading eyes and said, "Promise me you won't make the same mistakes with her that you made with me."

I stared at her in slight shock at the unexpected request.

"She deserves that," she pointed out. "And frankly, just because you can be a bit of a prat most of the time doesn't mean you don't deserve that, too."

I can't recall a time I appreciated Hattie Wilkes more than in that moment.

I smiled at her. "I promise."

Hattie smiled back and with a simple nod, she took off down the hallway and disappeared. I watched her go, hoping that she one day found the kind of happiness that I had never been able to give her.

With a shrug, I turned and headed into the library, weaving my way through the tables of students and dropping into a small round table in the back across from Alice.

She looked up from the essay she was writing and smiled. It lasted only a brief second before concern passed across her expression. "How'd it go?" she asked softly.

I leaned back in my chair with a shrug. "Well, I'm still alive so that has to count for something."

She let out a faint chuckle. "I told you he wouldn't murder you."

"He suggested it."

"He did not."

"Well, not seriously," I chuckled. "But he did consider the option."

She rolled her eyes. "C'mon, just tell me. How'd it go?"

I looked at my beautiful girlfriend and simply said, "As it turns out, we have a lot in common."

Her eyebrow popped. "Such as?"

"Well, for one, we both think I'm a huge, fucking idiot."

She blinked before shrugging. "I hope you don't expect me to argue with that," she said with a teasing smirk.

I made a face at her but she just laughed. "And two?" she questioned me further.

I looked at her and said, "We both care about his daughter more than anything else in the world."

Her cheeks flushed a faint pink color. "Good answer," she whispered, leaning over the table and pressing her lips to mine.

Kissing her was something I could definitely get used to.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

 **A/N:** I hope this chapter met all of your expectations. Can't get enough of the James and Alice cutesy moments (and more of those to come!) and time will only tell if James will start to feel as confident in his relationship as Alice is trying to be. And let's not forget to mention the whole Jax-Rose fiasco, who are slowly becoming two of my favorite side characters. And to that point, I want to say thank you to all of those who recognize that I'm putting more into this story than just James and Alice. I have a habit of investing a lot of time (maybe too much time) in carving out an entire character arch for each character, big or small, giving them an extensive background with distinctive personality traits that are unique to them. As much as this story is about Alice and James, it's also about the people around them and how they've made Alice and James (and each of their own individual selves) who they are today. So thanks for those who are noticing those little details.

Up next: Valentine's Day!


	26. Love Is In The Air

**A/N:** And she's back with Valentine's Day (and less than two weeks after the real Valentine's Day). I don't normally comment on reviews here because then I'd feel compelled to respond to all but I did want to make a quick comment on the reviewer who mentioned that "real friends" don't go and gossip to an entire school about what goes on in someone's personal life. If you knew my family, then you'd think very differently. News travels fast with my friends and family, especially when it's good news. And James and Alice in a relationship is definitely good news. The constant gossip can come off as pushy and overbearing, sure, but it can also be about love. You want to make sure that the people you care most about are happy and when they're not, you want to talk to someone about how to fix it even if you know it can't be fixed. And when they are happy, you want to sing it from the rooftops especially if it takes a while to get there. So maybe the way the Peasleys are acting isn't something that particular reviewer is used to but it's something I've actually come to appreciate in my life because it just means that I have a lot of people in my life that care about me and my well-being.

And if that isn't enough, just remember that teenagers pretty much live off of gossip. If you went to a school that didn't, more power to you.

And with that, let's move on to some romance, shall we?

* * *

 **A WAY WITH WORDS**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 26: Love is in the Air

" _Love is in the air, everywhere I look around_ _  
_ _Love is in the air, every sight and every sound_ _  
_ _And I don't know if I'm being foolish_ _  
_ _Don't know if I'm being wise_ _  
_ _But it's something that I must believe in_ _  
_ _And it's there when I look in your eyes."  
_ -John Paul Young

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I was greeted at breakfast on Saturday morning, the morning of Valentine's Day, by a newspaper shoved into my face.

"Er, thanks, Lils, but I much prefer toast than paper for breakfast," I said, pulling the newspaper away from my face.

"Look at the headlines" was all she said.

When she didn't berate me for the use of her nickname, I knew whatever it was, it wouldn't be good. Frowning, I glanced down at the paper.

 **Bad Boy James Potter Settles Down with Good Girl**

" _How is this front page news?"_ I scoffed.

"That's what you get for being a Potter," Fred chimed in from where he sat beside my sister.

I looked at the two of them. "Do I even want to read it?"

"No" they spoke in unison.

They were probably right.

But I read it anyway.

 _James Sirius Potter, son of The Chosen One, has suddenly denounced his rather rebellious bachelor ways to date fellow Gryffindor Alice Catherine Longbottom, the daughter of the man who cut off the head of Lord Voldemort's snake, Nagini, in the Second Wizarding World and made the death of Lord Voldemort possible._

 _James and Alice are no strangers to each other. Their families stayed close with one another after the war so the children grew up together. The friends (correction: couple) are only one month apart in age and have been labeled "inseparable" by friends of the family ever since they were born. They are in the middle of their final year at Hogwarts and Alice Longbottom was named Head Girl, no doubt due to the influence of her father who happens to be the Herbology professor and the Head of Gryffindor at Hogwarts. They are both chasers on the Gryffindor Quidditch Team and while James Potter started the year as the team's Captain, inappropriate conduct involving a fist fight with other students had his Captain's badge stripped from him and given to, you guessed it, Alice Longbottom._

 _According to several other students attending Hogwarts, the couple has been found snogging all over the castle since the start of their relationship and James has even been caught sneaking out of Alice's private Head Dorm after curfew. "It's actually rather nauseating," said Kenley Brown, fellow seventh year Gryffindor and friend of the couple. "I would like to say the two of them have a real chance of lasting but James is known to play the field. A lot."_

 _In fact, earlier this very year James had "played the field" with Kenley Brown herself says a close source._

I began to rip the paper into shreds without bothering to read the rest. I tossed the confetti in the air, letting the various pieces land on several breakfast dishes spread out in front of me. "I fucking hate the _Prophet_ " was all I said.

Fred and Lily exchanged a look but said nothing on the subject. There wasn't exactly a lot to say.

We ate our breakfast in silence as other students trickled in. I tensed up as I noticed Alice wandering through the door and making our way over to us.

She slid in beside me, her brow furrowing at the random pieces of shredded newspaper scattered about. She glanced around at all of us and said, "Do I even want to know?"

"One guess," I muttered.

She looked confused but only for a moment before a sigh escaped her lips. "I'm going to assume the _Prophet_ caught wind of our relationship."

"You would be assuming correctly."

"I'm also going to assume that they had not-so-good things to say."

"I'm fairly certain that they live off of not-so-good things to say," I grumbled, stabbing my fork into my eggs.

"Well?"

"Well what?"

She shot me a look. "What did they have to say about us?"

"You don't want to know," Fred spoke.

"You really don't," Lily agreed.

Alice frowned, meeting the grimace on my face. With a frown, she asked softly, "What did it say?"

She was going to find out from someone so I sighed and said, "Well, apparently I'm nothing but a sleazeball womanizer and you're only Head Girl because of your daddy connections."

Her eyebrow inched upward. "That's the best they could do?" she drawled. "None of that is brand-new information. Everyone has been saying that about us all year. More than a year for you."

I turned to her sharply. "You're not mad?"

She gave me a funny look. "Why would I be mad? The _Prophet_ has always been a total joke when it comes to relaying gossip."

And there was yet another reason why I liked her.

I smiled and leaned over to press a quick kiss to her cheek.

Fred cleared his throat across the table. "So, you two do realize that AliCat's father is going to buy the largest impenetrable lock to put on his daughter's bedroom door, right?"

Alice looked confused but all I could do was wince. "Yeah, it's pretty much a given that he's going to be camping outside her door for the rest of the year."

"Er…dare I ask why?" Alice interrupted.

"Oh, evidently I've been caught sneaking out of your bedroom late at night."

She made a face. "Great, I'll have that interrogation to look forward to from my father."

"Oh, and apparently Kenley Brown is a close friend of ours," I added as an afterthought.

Fred snorted as Alice once again appeared to be confused. "I'd ask what the hell you're talking about but I'm not so sure I want to know."

I smiled. "Smart girl."

A throat cleared behind us and one look over our shoulders had our backs stiffening as Neville peered down at us. "Now, I rarely believe a thing the _Daily Prophet_ has to say, but I happen to know for a fact that James here has spent some time in the Head Dorm in the past," he spoke with an edge.

"Yes, and just like in the past, Dad, we're not doing anything except hanging out," she argued.

Neville snorted. "You forget that I was seventeen once, Alice."

She pouted. "Don't you trust me, Daddy?"

Oh, she was good.

He sent her a rather wary look. "You know I do," he spoke before narrowing his eyes at me. "It's him I don't trust."

Yeah, I couldn't even blame him for that.

"Well, you're going to have to," Alice said with a shrug. "It's not like you can stick a few house elves outside my bedroom door to keep watch on us."

Neville looked at her curiously.

"Dammit, you're totally going to stick a few house elves outside my bedroom door to keep watch on us, aren't you?" she groaned.

He grinned and Fred took that time to chime in. "Don't worry, Neville, I plan to keep a very close eye on these two to keep them in check."

"This is coming from the guy who just lost ten points for being shirtless in a storage closet with a girl."

Alice and I burst into laughter as Fred grew a slight shade of red. "Er…I wasn't aware you knew about that."

"Professors talk, Fred," he drawled before glancing over at his daughter. "You might want to remember that."

She rolled her eyes. "Right, because a professor would totally feel comfortable informing you that your daughter got caught shirtless in a closet."

" _You better not be getting shirtless in a closet, young lady!"_

She grinned and jumping up from the table, planted a kiss on her father's cheek. "I'm not," she assured him.

She's not?

This morning just keeps getting worse.

Neville glanced over at me with narrowed eyes. "Be warned, Potter, I'm watching you."

And with that, he retreated back to the Professor's table.

I stole a look at Alice who was grinning sheepishly at me. "Isn't it fun having my dad here at school?"

"Yeah, I'm not so sure 'fun' is the word I'd use here."

She laughed and reached over to squeeze my hand. "Don't worry about him. He's an old softie at heart. Wouldn't hurt a fly."

"Something tells me if he ever caught the two of us shirtless in a closet somewhere, he would have no problem hurting me."

She smirked and leaned over, whispering in my ear, "Then I guess we just have to make sure not to get caught."

My eyebrow sprang upward. "So what I'm hearing is there's a chance of us getting shirtless in a closet somewhere?"

She threw her head back and laughed. "Oh, I think there's a really good chance of that."

And now my morning just got ten times better.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

" _C'mon, Fred_ ," I groaned an hour later, holding up two different sweaters. "Black or beige?"

He looked at me through the reflection of the mirror where he was running a hand through his hair. "You're asking me for clothes advice?"

"This is my first date with Alice," I said. "I need it to go well."

"And you think it's all hinged on what you wear?"

" _I think I need you to choose black or beige_."

He smirked and turned around to face me. "You're starting to hyperventilate, mate."

I groaned and tossed the shirts on to my bed, dropping down on to the edge of it myself, careful not to fall on top of Franny. "I don't know how to do this dating crap," I muttered, "Unless you count seducing a girl into sneaking out into the alleyway behind Three Broomsticks for a quick shag, which for the record, I don't."

Fred's eyebrow popped up. "I'd advise you to _not_ suggest that to AliCat."

I threw the black shirt at him. "You are literally no help whatsoever."

Fred laughed, tossing the shirt back at me. "You have gone into Hogsmeade with AliCat a thousand times," he reminded me. "Just do exactly what you've done in the past but hold her freaking hand and steal a few kisses now and then. I assure you, today will only be subtly different from how you acted in the past."

I considered this. "That's not terrible advice," I decided.

Fred shrugged. "Now the real test will be navigating my father's shop without getting bombarded by my dad and Uncle Ron with endless questions about your brand-new relationship."

"And we are right back to you being unhelpful."

He chuckled. "Wear the beige."

"Really?"

"You kinda have to because Franny is currently munching on your black shirt."

I whirled around and sure enough, Franny was nibbling on the edge of my black sweater. I hastily reached for her and pulled her away, to which she growled at me. I grinned at the pygmy puff and kissed the top of her fur before placing her back in her cage. She continued to growl at me.

"You still want to meet up later in the Three Broomsticks?" I asked Fred as I pulled the beige sweater over my white undershirt.

"Sure," he said. "One o'clock?"

"Sounds good," I said as the door opened and Dash wandered in.

He glanced between the two of us and frowned. "Getting ready for your big dates?"

We both nodded. "What's your plan today?" I asked hesitantly.

He plopped on to his bed and dropped his head back against his pillow with a sigh. "You're looking at it."

Fred and I exchanged a look.

"It's fine," Dash lied. "I have no desire to traipse into a village that will be jam-packed with over-the-top lovey-dovey couples making kissing faces at each other and exchanging chocolate hearts and teddy bears all bloody day."

I hesitated. "So what I'm hearing is I should have gotten Alice a chocolate heart and a teddy bear?"

Dash lifted his head to look at me. "Please tell me you got her _something_."

"Uh, yeah, _me_. I thought that was enough."

I ducked as Fred tossed his comb at me. "You didn't get AliCat anything for Valentine's Day?"

"I don't know how the hell to do Valentine's Day!" I whined.

Fred groaned. "This relationship is so never going to last."

I glared at him. " _And once again you prove to be utterly unhelpful_."

He grinned sheepishly and Dash spoke next. "Your sister is down there with a hefty bouquet of roses. If you ask nicely, she may spare you a few."

I turned my head sharply towards my roommate. "Who the hell is buying my sister a bouquet of bloody roses?"

My roommates shared a look. "That's not a serious question, is it?" Dash asked Fred hesitantly.

I grabbed my jacket off my bedframe and my wand off my bed and quickly rushed out the door. I took the stairs by two and skidded into the common room. Roses and chocolate boxes and teddy bears appeared to have taken over the room and it took me a few minutes of scouring the place before I spotted Lily in the corner with Rose and Hugo.

"So CJ thinks he can just buy your love with a half dozen roses?" I scoffed at my sister.

Lily stopped her conversation with Hugo midway to glare up at me. "It's a dozen roses _actually_ ," she corrected, "And it's the nicest gesture anyone has ever done for me, _thank you very much_."

"I bought you first row Harpies tickets for Christmas!"

She rolled her eyes. "Okay, it's the nicest gesture that any _boy_ has ever done for me."

"Uh, hi, _boy_ standing right here," I scoffed.

"Yeah, well, you're certainly no _man_ ," Rose muttered under her breath, pulling herself off the couch. "Hopefully my shower is free by now. I am not traipsing into Hogsmeade with unwashed hair."

I grabbed her arm before she could take off. "Oy, who you going into Hogsmeade with? Harley and Jett?"

"Oh, right, because being a third wheel on Valentine's Day sounds positively electrifying," she snorted, pulling her arm out of my grasp and storming off.

" _You didn't answer my question_!" I called after her.

I was not at all surprised when she pretended not to hear me.

"Who is she going into Hogsmeade with?" I questioned my sister and cousin.

They both shrugged. "Beats me," Hugo said. "I don't keep track of her dating habits."

"What dating habits?" Lily snorted. "Snogging and shagging habits, more like it."

As expected, Hugo recoiled in disgust. "I so did not need to hear that my sister has shagging habits."

My eyes narrowed curiously at my sister. "What exactly do _you_ know about Rose's shagging habits?"

Hugo's hands sprang to his ears before Lily could respond. "I DON'T WANNA KNOW!" he groaned, ignoring Lily's laughter as he jumped over the back of the couch and took off towards the boys' stairwell.

"Alright, out with it," I said, taking over Hugo's seat. "Who is Rose going into Hogsmeade with and what do you know about her shagging habits?"

She looked at me rather curiously. "I'm assuming Al and why do you not sound as surprised as Hugo to find out that Rose even has shagging habits?"

"Al is currently not speaking to Rose and I may have been informed that Rose isn't nearly as innocent as everyone in this school assumes she is."

"Why isn't Al speaking to Rose and who informed you of her so-called non-innocence?"

"He found out that Rose and Scorpius were still fooling around and why does that matter?"

"Rose and Scorpius are still fooling around?" Lily asked, dropping the second part of our conversation altogether. "That's news to me."

I shrugged. "It was news to me, too."

She frowned. "I don't get it. They don't even like each other. And not in a I'm-pretending-not-to-like-you-because-that's-better-than-admitting-I-have-feelings-for-you kind of way. In a I-really-don't-like-you-even-a-little-bit-so-I-shouldn't-be-snogging-you-at-all kind of way. So why the hell are they still doing it, _especially_ knowing how much it pisses off Al?"

I shrugged again, neglecting to point that the reason Rose was so drawn to Scorpius was to avoid her feelings towards Jax. "Can't answer that," I lied.

She looked up at me with narrowed eyes. "I think you can."

I shook my head. "No, I think the real question here is why the hell does it piss Al off so much?" I deflected. "Rose and Malfoy are two consenting adults who are just having a bit of fun with each other. It's weird and creepy and the very thought makes me want to vomit all over the floor, but that doesn't mean there's any reason to be angry with them."

Lily shrugged her shoulders. "Don't ask me to dissect our brother's thought process. I'm not around him enough to know what goes on in that head of his."

That seemed to end the conversation there so I used that time to change the subject. "So what do you say you lend your older brother one of those roses or, y'know, ten?"

Lily shot me a look and then sighed. "Oh, hell, you didn't think to get Alice anything?"

"We've been dating for all of two days!"

"Flower deliveries can be done overnight, you total twat."

"Oh, right, and I'm supposed to be the expert on _flower_ deliveries?"

Lily's lips twitched upward as she pulled a rose out of the bouquet. "You get one rose and only because I feel bad for your utterly pathetic self right now."

"If I throw on a puppy dog face and pretend to cry into my hands, will that get me another rose?"

She laughed and handed me the single rose. "Don't push your luck."

I grinned and pulled myself off the couch, reaching over to muss up my sister's hair. "Thanks, kid. I owe you."

She swatted my hand away and scowled. "You already owe me for joining your Quidditch team."

My eyebrow slowly peaked upward. "Gee, and here I assumed by suggesting the abolishment of the dating-a-teammate rule, _you_ owed _me_ for life."

She hesitated. "Call it even?"

I looked at her dubiously. "Giving me a rose is supposed to be the same as me giving you a boyfriend?"

"It is when Alice now won't feel the need to dump your arse for being a sorry excuse of a boyfriend."

I hesitated. "Alright, fine, we'll call it even."

She laughed as I disappeared out the portrait hole.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I skidded to a halt outside the Head Dorm and was getting ready to say the password when the door opened and both Alice and Rudy spilled into the hallway.

"Aw, James, _you shouldn't have_!" Rudy said in a teasing voice as he pointed to the rose.

I looked at the flower in my hand and up at him. "Yeah, I didn't," I drawled. "And why are you always around?"

He just chuckled and without bothering to answer my question, he glanced over at Alice and said, "Meet you in the Entrance Hall?"

She nodded and he took off down the hallway.

"You're already having a clandestine affair and you're not being bothering to hide it?" I gasped.

Alice smacked me on the shoulder. "We have to help with the student checkout, you prat."

I chuckled and held out the rose. "So I realize I could have gotten you a dozen or two dozen roses but that's what all the guys are going to do for their girls today. And to me a single rose represents the start of our relationship and what's to come. Like this one rose, you're unique and special and beautiful and that's all I need."

She looked up at me, a kind of hesitant awe sparkling in her eyes as her face gave way to a smile. "So basically you didn't get me anything and had to bum a single rose off someone else."

Busted.

I sighed. "Dammit, I forgot how well you know me."

She laughed and took the rose from me, reaching up to press her lips to mine. "I don't need a bunch of fancy gifts or flowers or chocolates today, James. I just need you."

I locked my hands around her waist and drew her towards me. "Could you subtly mention that to Dash and Fred when you next see them? They're convinced I'm not gift enough for you."

There was a dazzling smile in her eyes as she looked at me. "You were taking advice from a guy who cheated on his girlfriend and a guy who spent a good part of his teenager years reveling in bachelorhood?"

I hesitated. "Note to self: next time, write to Teddy for advice."

She laughed and kissed me again before we took off towards the Entrance Hall hand-in-hand.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"I mean, sure, one rose is a nice gesture, Potter, but I expected more from you."

"And again, I tell you that that rose wasn't meant for you," I spoke to Rudy.

"Chocolates and a singing card. A teddy bear even. Just… _something_. I thought you appreciated me more."

I glanced at Alice who was finding far too much amusement out of this ridiculous conversation. "Save me."

"I may have to find myself a new love interest," Rudy contemplated, stroking his chin as he continued to ignore me.

"Please do," I encouraged.

Glancing at us, he merely chuckled. "I know I haven't always been your biggest fan, Potter, but I'm happy for you two. You deserve each other."

My eyebrow shot up. Considering everyone else in the school was waiting for us to screw everything up, it was reassuring to think that maybe there was one person on our side. "That sounded like a compliment."

"Don't get used to it," he chuckled, glancing down at the checklist in his hand. "Why don't you two go on ahead to Hogsmeade? I'll finish checking out the last few stragglers."

"Oh, no, we can wait with you," Alice encouraged.

"Shh, I liked his suggestion better," I teased, grabbing Alice from the waist and pulling her towards me.

She swatted at me. "This is what you get when you date the Head Girl. My responsibilities are yours now."

"I'm sorry, I'm not sure I know the meaning of the word responsibilities. Could you define it for me?"

She almost got me in the side with her elbow but I managed to scoot out of the way just in time, a goofy grin planted on my face. "Think of all the chocolate we could be devouring right now," I suggested to her.

"I don't need you to buy me any chocolate, Jay," she chuckled. "Just because Rudy wasn't convinced that you getting me a single rose wasn't enough doesn't mean I feel the same way."

"He didn't give you a rose. He gave it to me," Rudy huffed.

"Good-bye, Frankel," I laughed, grabbing Alice's hand and trying to pull her away from the archway.

She looked skeptical but Rudy gestured towards the pathway with an encouraging nod. "Go on. I'm fine here on my own."

A hesitant smile broke out and she, too, nodded. "Alright, but I'll pull the late shift on our next Hogsmeade visit."

"Oy, don't I get a say?" I whined.

That time, her elbow made contact with me.

"C'mon, Jokester James, let's go to Hogsmeade."

I laughed and gladly squeezed her hand before leading her down the long winding pathway towards the village.

"So, what do couples do on Hogsmeade dates?" I questioned.

She looked up at me with an amused smile. "This."

My eyebrow popped up. "Er…I'm going to need more than that."

She laughed, a most beautiful laugh that seemed to make me unconsciously smile. "They walk, they walk, they hold hands, and maybe they steal a kiss or two," she explained.

I pondered her words. "So what I'm hearing is I should steal a kiss or two from you?"

She pulled on my hand, stopping the two of us mid-step. "I think perhaps more than two," she whispered, drawing close to me until her lips were touching mine.

The wind was bitter but I barely felt it as our lips grazed one another's in an almost perfect way. I had certainly done my share of kissing in the past but I never knew just how good and comforting it could really feel. I had heard about fireworks and sparks before but never felt them. I never even really came close. But kissing Alice was more than just fireworks and sparks. It was a fire burning in my very soul, lighting my entire body aflame with an explosive kind of lust that only seemed to grow with every kiss we shared.

"Oh, gross. No one wants to see that."

I reluctantly pulled away from Alice to shoot the sixth-year bitch a glare. "Walking alone into Hogsmeade I see," I drawled. "Isn't that a little pathetic, Bishop?"

"Isn't settling for the only girl you haven't slept with a lot pathetic, Potter?" Sadie fired back.

"Fuck you, Bishop."

It surprised both Sadie and myself when it was Alice who said that.

"Do you know why James and I work so well together?" she continued with determination in her eyes.

"I wasn't aware Potter worked well with anyone," she drawled.

"Maybe not with you but that's what you get for always being so pigheaded and self-righteous all the goddamned time," Alice was quick to argue. "You always claimed that James made everything about him but everything he ever did was for the good of the team. Hell, he could have kicked you off the team long ago, probably wanted to, for your attitude and that mouth of yours but he didn't because he recognized that your talent on the pitch was insurmountable. When he values something so greatly, when something is really important to him, when he cares about something like he's never cared before, he goes all in. He puts his heart and soul into it. And that's why I'm not worried about our relationship, why I don't care what everyone else in this school is saying, because I know how much I matter to him. And that's enough to make me trust in us."

I could only stare at Alice in appreciation and awe for it dawned on me just how right she was. I could sit on the sidelines in fear that things would fall apart or I could stand tall with confidence and know that they won't. I had the power to make my relationship what I wanted it to be. And living in an endless cycle of worry and fear could only set us up for failure.

"You forget," Sadie drawled, the irritation heavy on her tongue, "That Quidditch was supposedly important to him and yet he still found a way to screw that all up in the Hufflepuff match."

She had a point.

"I didn't say he was perfect," Alice snapped back at her.

Also true.

"He's pretty far from it," Sadie laughed.

Were they both aware that I was standing right next to them?

"Not to me he isn't," Alice seethed. "I don't expect you to get it, Bishop. I don't expect anyone to get it. But James and I have been an 'us' for an incredibly long time, since the day our parents set up our very first play date together. And just because our definition of 'us' has altered just slightly doesn't change who we are together. And there isn't a damned thing that you or anyone could ever say that will make me think bad of him."

I didn't even care that Sadie was still standing there as I reached an arm around Alice's shoulder and drew her towards me for a kiss.

A disgusted groan slipped out of Sadie's mouth but she went ignored as I kissed the best thing that ever happened to me.

When we pulled apart, Sadie was gone and Alice was smiling at me. "I meant every word."

"I know," I whispered, pressing my forehead to hers. "And that's why I'm definitely buying you all of the chocolate that Honeyduke's has to offer."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Alice and I stood stationary outside Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes staring at the flashing sign. We didn't move. We didn't go in. Students pushed past us but we stood still.

"We have to go in at some point," Alice eventually said.

"Or, and go with me on this one, we _don't_."

Alice's lips twitched upwards. "If you don't go in there, you will be on the receiving end of a lot of howlers tomorrow at breakfast."

I hesitated. "Yeah, but how bad can that really be?"

"Uh, hi, have you _met_ your family?"

She unfortunately made an excellent point.

I sighed and turned towards her. "Okay, fine, we go in, we say a quick hi to Uncle George and Uncle Ron, we completely ignore them when they pester us for details, and then we make a beeline for Honeyduke's so I can sell them out of their chocolate stash."

"I already said I didn't need-"

" _I'm buying you chocolate_."

She smiled sheepishly and pressed a kiss to my cheek. "Alright, let's go."

She took a step towards the shop but I remained stationary. She turned towards me with a roll of the eyes. "You're not moving."

"Wow, it's amazing how perceptive you can be."

She suppressed a laugh. "You can't stand out here forever."

"Sure I can. Don't you know how stubborn I can be?"

She let out a faint chuckle and squeezed my hand. "C'mon, Jay," she spoke softly. "This won't be as bad as you think."

"Uh, hi, have you _met_ my family?"

She laughed and gripped my hand tighter, dragging me towards the front doors. "We're going in, Jay."

"We are so going to regret this," I muttered under my breath but I reluctantly followed her in. I had to admit I was happy when the warmth enveloped me as my toes had grown somewhat numb standing outside for so long.

My happiness didn't last long.

"There you two are!" Uncle George's voice boomed. He called out towards the back. "Ron! James and Alice are here!"

I exchanged a look with Alice who was clearly trying not to laugh.

"Well, would you look at the happy couple," Uncle Ron said as he strode over to us with a smirk on his face. Hesitating, he said, "Actually, you two look no different than usual."

"Gee, what do you want me to do, Uncle Ron, dip Ace back and snog her in front of my two uncles?"

"Yes" was the unanimous response out of both of them.

"Make that two uncles and your cousin," a new voice spoke as Louis stepped out from behind a shelf.

I was startled for all of a second before my eyes narrowed suspiciously. "What the hell are you doing here, Loucifer?"

"Oh, just needed to pick up a few items, that's all," he spoke, waiving his hand dismissively.

My eyes narrowed even further, so much that I could barely see. "How convenient that you chose this particular hour on this particular day to pick up a few items," I drawled.

"Yes, convenient indeed," he said with a grin. "But, hey, now that we're all here, why don't you tell us how in Merlin's name the two of you crazy kiddos got together?"

"I asked, she said yes. End of story," I spoke hastily as I pretended to look at my nonexistent watch. "Well, would you look at the time, we're late for whatever gets us out of here the fastest."

Alice laughed beside me but the other three shook their heads. "Hm, yeah, no, not buying it. There is definitely more to that story."

"And you are not allowed to leave until we get all the details," Uncle Ron said with a shrug. "We're under strict orders."

I groaned. "From who?"

Another familiar voice spoke up. "Your mother."

Whirling around, I groaned as my mother walked into the store.

"But then I thought, why get the details secondhand when I could get them firsthand?" she smirked, reaching over to embrace me. I hugged her back, albeit reluctantly. "So spill. How did this happen? Have you two always had feelings for one another? Was it a recent thing? And why weren't you two talking for so long? And how did you make up? And why did you start out as friends but-"

I decided it was best to cut her off before she started hyperventilating.

"Why aren't you all up in arms about Fred's recent relationship?" I whined. "Shouldn't you be bombarding him for details?"

"Oh, I already knew about that," George said with a dismissive wave of his hand.

"Yeah, Fred told me about it on New Year's Eve," Louis agreed.

I glanced over at Alice who looked just as surprised as I did. "Oh, sure, he'll tell everyone else in our family but not us," I muttered.

"I didn't know," Mum said with a shrug. "And I'd certainly love the details sometime but right now, I am far more interested in your relationship than his."

"Why?" I groaned. "You all know Alice. You all like Alice! Can't you just be happy for us?"

"Of course we like Alice," Mum said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Hell, we probably like her more than you."

Alice grinned and I pouted. "Thanks for that, Mum."

She just laughed and threw her arm around me. "I kid, I kid!" she teased. "We are all in agreement that Alice is wonderful and I am thrilled that she chose you because maybe, _just maybe_ , she can find a way to keep you in line. If, y'know, you don't find a way to screw this up of course."

I glared at my mother who was grinning playfully. Turning towards Alice, I shook my head in disbelief. "I'm getting the strong sense my mother doesn't think all that highly of me."

"Eh, she thinks highly of me. That's all that really matters," Alice smirked.

"I'm allowed to tease my son," Mum argued. "That is my motherly right in exchange for twenty-seven hours of labor."

As they all laughed, I met Alice's jesting grin and said, "Y'know, this is precisely why we shouldn't have walked in here."

Alice laughed and linked her arm in mine, presumably her way of showing her support. I smiled down at her and with all the confidence in the world, I turned to my mother and said, "I'm not going to screw this up. _We_ aren't going to screw this up. She's the single most important person in my life and I'm going to make sure she knows that every day I'm with her."

Four matching pairs of awe-filled eyes stared back at me before Ron spoke up. "Y'know," he said in a curious tone, "I know what it's like to date your best friend and have not only your family's eyes watching you at all times but the entire world's and I know what that can do to a person, but I also know you and Alice, and I know just how much you two mean to each other. So my advice to you is to ignore everyone else and just let yourself be happy."

Now he was on the receiving end of several stares, most filled with shock and disbelief.

"Yeah, I know, who knew I had profound things to say on top of my endless witticism," Ron said with a wistful sigh and a teasing grin.

"It's weird," George drawled. "Never do it again."

Ron laughed and I used that time to steal a peek towards Alice, who was looking back at me with her own reassuring smile. Maybe, just maybe, things would turn out alright for us just like it had with Ron and Hermione.

"I would like to go on record saying that for once, I agree with my brother," Mum commented, her gaze meeting mine. "I do think you two will make each other very happy."

"If I don't find a way to screw it up, right?" I drawled.

She winced. "I don't really believe you'll screw this up, James," she urged. "It's easy to tease you about all of this because for one, that's what our family seems to love doing. And two, I know how new it is for you. But if it's reassurance and support you want from all of us, you got it."

From 'all of us.'

I wondered then what Dad thought of my relationship with Alice. He had been one of the only members of my entire extended family not to write to me about it.

Then again, we stopped writing to each other years ago so maybe he just assumed I didn't want to hear from him.

Jury was still out on whether I did or not.

"But in exchange for said reassurance and support," my mother continued, a mischievous smirk on her face, "We are going to need answers. Like how one day I received a letter from Lily saying 'yay, my brother and his childhood BFF are friends again' and the very next day, I received a new letter saying 'scratch that, THEY'RE DATING EACH OTHER NOW.' Care to explain?"

"I can explain to you that my sister has a big mouth," I growled.

"At least she writes her dear ol' mother every now and again," she responded.

I walked right into that one.

"So are you two going to start answering our questions or not?" George intervened, looking back and forth between Alice and myself.

"I'm leaning towards the latter."

Mum smirked. "Well, you either tell us how this all started or you can tell me why a certain publication earlier this morning insinuated that you regularly sneak out of Alice's bedroom after curfew."

"It started on a Tuesday evening," I spoke almost immediately and that only launched the entire family into a fit of laughter.

"Whoa, wait for me before giving out all the details!"

I whirled around and groaned as Teddy made his way up to us. "For the love of all things Merlin!" I said, throwing my hands in the air.

"Well, isn't this just a big, fat coincidence," Teddy teased, glancing around at my various family members, "All of us deciding to stop in for a visit to the shop on the exact same day."

"Coincidence my arse," I drawled irritably, shooting my godbrother a less-than-pleased look.

He grinned and threw his arms around both myself and Alice. "C'mon, give your family the details, J-man."

I shot him a look. "Why are you asking, T-bear? You already know all the details."

The rest of my family let out protesting remarks but Teddy just rolled his eyes. "I know all the pre-dating details. I want to know the post-dating details. Better yet, the details of how you were able to convince this angelic girl to date your devilish self."

I scowled at him but before I could say anything, my mother cut me off. "Whoa, exactly what details does Teddy know? And more importantly, why doesn't your own mother know?"

"Sorry, Gin," Teddy said with a curt shrug, "But I promised your little rugrat here that I'd keep those details private."

"Did you just call me a rugrat?" I groaned.

I was amazed that Alice was still able to hold in her laughter.

"Well, as fun as this mini family reunion is," I drawled, "I've got to be anywhere but here."

I grabbed Alice's hand and dashed off towards the door.

I would have made it out, too, if Fred hadn't chosen that exact moment to walk through the door with Ryleigh. "Hey, mate!" he said, blocking the door before I could escape.

"I beg you to get out of the way," I whimpered.

He laughed and glanced over my head, doing a quick double-take. "Looks like you managed to round up half the family, Jameso." With a smirk, he met my pleading gaze. "Yeah, there's no way I'm letting you leave now."

Alice and I shared with him matching glares. "Sounds like someone is asking for a whole month's worth of detention," she drawled.

"I don't think you can give someone detention for blocking a doorway."

"Is that a challenge?"

"C'mon back here," Mum said as she wandered over to me, grabbing my shoulders and steering me back towards the gossip pack as I stared wistfully towards the door. "Now all we want are a few details of how this came to be. How did you go from friends to something more?"

"Things changed," I said vaguely.

When I said nothing more, the others all let out snorts of protest. "Yeah, we're going to need more than that," Uncle Ron argued.

"There's nothing more to it!" I groaned.

Looks of strong disbelief followed and Fred chimed in. "Hey, did you guys know that he almost kissed her on New Year's Eve?"

I whirled around and slammed my elbow into Fred's stomach, who doubled over with a groan. "Yeah, alright, I deserved that," he wheezed.

"So this has been going on for a while?" Uncle Ron said in surprise. "I thought this was very recent."

"No," I groaned, "I mean, yes. It is recent! New Year's Eve was nothing."

I glanced over at Alice with a shake of my head but stopped when I noticed the confused look on her face. I frowned. "What?" I asked cautiously.

"You almost kissed me on New Year's Eve?" she asked softly.

Oh, shit. Forgot that she didn't know about that.

I met her stunned gaze. "I-I chalked it up to the heat of the moment at the time," I admitted, wishing that my family wasn't there listening on. "Apparently, it was more than that."

The confusion on her face gave way to a smile. "You almost kissed me on New Year's Eve."

This time, it wasn't a question.

I smiled at her. "Yeah, I did," I said, instinctively leaning over to press a kiss to her cheek.

Clearly I forgot where I was as a resounding "Aww!" fell from the lips of my family members.

I turned to glare at all of them. "Alright, have you guys sufficiently embarrassed me enough? Can I please escape here before my face turns a permanent shade of red?"

"You still haven't given us any information," Louis argued. "And you know you aren't leaving until you do."

Alice and I shared a look, not even sure where to begin. But I knew I had to start somewhere or we'd be barricaded in that store forever.

"Short version?" I said hesitantly, "I kissed her one night, she assumed I thought it was a mistake which was a fair assessment since I couldn't find a way to tell her why I did it at the time, she stopped speaking to me and that messed with my head so yeah, I played like crap at the match but hey, we won, so that's all that really matters, and then Sadie quit so Lily volunteered to fill in but I told her she couldn't because she was dating CJ so I decided the no-dating-a-teammate rule was stupid and suggested overturning it and the rest of the team agreed—oh yeah, including Rose who decided to tell the whole school that I snogged my best friend so she owed me a favor bigtime which is the only reason she agreed to join the team—and then Alice was telling me things were done with us and I couldn't just let that happen so I finally told her all the things I had been holding back and she did, too, and then we were friends but then other people kept asking her out to Hogsmeade and I really didn't like that so I realized that friends just didn't seem like enough so I'm pouring out my heart to her and then she just cuts me off with a kiss and voila, here we are."

Eight pairs of incredulous eyes stared back at me until Uncle George broke the silence. " _That's_ the short version?"

I grinned sheepishly. "Pretty much."

"What does the long version contain that's not included in the short version?" Uncle Ron snorted.

"Probably the part where he snogged another girl twelve hours after snogging AliCat," Fred commented.

I elbowed him in the stomach again.

"Yep, deserved that one too," he groaned.

"Can I just say how completely overbearing and nosy this family is?" I drawled. "Don't you all have lives outside little ol' me?"

"Our family pretty much is our life, James," George chuckled with a shrug. "You'll eventually get used to the overbearing, nosy part of us."

"Really?" Ron questioned, stroking his chin. "Hm. I wonder when that will happen for me."

George grabbed his younger brother and put him into a headlock, which only had the rest of us erupting into amused laughter. The two of them were in their forties and yet still found a way to act like children.

Made me think I didn't have to be in any hurry to grow up.

"Well, on that note," I drawled, "You all have the details so feel free to pass them on to the rest of the meddlesome family. Meanwhile, Ace and I are so out of here."

I grabbed Alice's hand but before I could make a dash for it, a new and yet familiar voice chimed in. "Meddlesome family, reporting for duty!"

Whirling around, I gaped as my cousin, Dominique, strolled into the shop. "Oh, for the love of Godric Gryffindor!" I groaned, tugging on Alice's hand and hastily running towards the door. "This family is officially mad!"

Behind me, I heard Dominique say right before the door shut on us, "Yeah, well, can't really argue with him there, now can we?"

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

After Honeyduke's where I did in fact buy Alice a whole bagful of chocolate, we ventured off towards the Three Broomsticks.

"I swear if we walk in there and any of my family is there, we are turning back and going to Puddifoot's," I said stubbornly.

Alice snorted. "You would never be caught dead inside that place."

"If it means being left alone by my crazy family, I'd strongly consider it."

There was a small smile on Alice's face that didn't reach her eyes. Even with the wind blowing her hair in her face, I saw the forceful nature of the smile. I reached over and brushed the hair from her face. "What is it?"

She looked up at me, slightly surprised. "What is what?"

"There's something you want to say that you aren't. I can tell."

She frowned and looked up at me. "I know all you see sometimes when you look at your family are a bunch of people intruding on your personal life. But all I see is a family that loves you."

I was taken aback by the comment as I met her gaze, one that held much sadness. I knew my rather large family could get on my nerves but I could see in Alice's eyes that she considered me to be very lucky. It was just her, her sister, and her father left in the Longbottom family. Her mother had passed and so too did her grandmother and I knew it left a void in her heart that she feared might never fully be healed.

I reached over and wrapped my arm around her shoulders, drawing her to my side. She looked surprised for a second before smiling. This time, it reached her eyes. "My family may be bonkers," I said with a shrug, "But there's one thing they got right."

She looked up at me curiously. "Oh? And what's that?"

I smiled down at her. "You really are wonderful."

A pink tint appeared in her cheeks and I knew it had nothing to do with the cold. I leaned over and pressed a quick kiss to her lips, which just so happened to be the worst thing I could do at that moment for a sudden flash went off in our faces.

We both jumped back in surprise. "What the-" I said, turning my head in confusion towards the bright light. What I found was a reporter with a press pass around her neck and a camera in her hands. "Oh, hell."

The woman grinned. "You two make an adorable couple."

"I'd walk away before I grab your camera and smash it to pieces," I snarled at her.

She ignored me of course. "So, everyone wants to know, how did this golden couple end up together? Care to comment?"

"Here's a comment," I hissed. " _Fuck off_."

I grabbed Alice's hand and disappeared into the Three Broomsticks before the woman could ask another question.

I was still fuming as I glanced down at Alice. I was surprised to see her laughing. "What is so funny about this?"

"Who gives up their Saturday to follow around a bunch of teenagers for a story that's already been written?" she chuckled.

I thought about it and while it still annoyed me, for the press finding any interest in my life was annoying, I couldn't help the laugh that escaped. "It's like they don't realize just how uninteresting I am," I teased.

Alice smiled up at me and captured my lips with hers. "You're not uninteresting to me," she whispered.

Smiling at her, I grabbed her hand and we weaved our way through the crowd before finding an empty booth in the back of the room. She and I settled into one side of the booth, leaving the other side empty for whenever Fred and Ryleigh showed up.

"So here's the plan," I said as I stripped my Gryffindor scarf off my neck. "I'll grab us some butterbeer and some chips and when Fred gets here, I'll punch him in the face and call it a day. What do you think?"

Alice laughed at me. "Oh, please, you are so not that mad at him for anything he said in the Weasley shop."

"He told everyone I kissed another girl hours after kissing you!"

She rolled her eyes. "Okay, true, but he could have told everyone you shagged another girl hours after kissing me."

"I'm pretty sure they all inferred that."

She chuckled. "You still got me in the end so who cares what Fred said?"

I shot her a look.

"Er, okay, maybe I do a little," she clarified, "But I'd really much rather not have to end this date with me throwing you into detention."

I let out a rather overdramatic gasp. "The whole point of me dating the Head Girl is to get me out of doing detention!"

She elbowed me in the side with a laugh. "Go get us butterbeer, Funny Boy."

I grinned and obliged. When I returned to the table, Brooks was standing there with his arm draped around Lena Cattermole.

"Well, gee, you move on fast," I drawled as I slid into the booth beside Alice. "And with your ex's best friend, hm? How honorable of you."

"I wouldn't be questioning my honor at the moment considering the cause of my breakup with said ex," he scoffed.

I rolled my eyes. "Is that why you came over here for a chat? To remind Ace what a horrible guy I am?"

"I shouldn't have to remind anyone of that. Everyone already knows."

I met his smirk with a shake of the head. "And yet here I am with a girlfriend while you stand there trying to make your ex jealous by hanging all over her best friend."

He let out a barking laugh. "Wow, so you really are using the term 'girlfriend' hm? Oh, I can't wait to see this one end badly. Because let's face it, we all know it will."

With a waggle of his fingers, he disappeared into the crowd with Lena as I glared after them, wondering if chucking a full pint of butterbeer at his head would get me kicked out or not.

"Don't," Alice said as if she were reading my mind. "He's not worth it."

I turned my gaze on to her as I took a sip of the foamy liquid. "He's an ass."

"Tell me something I don't know."

I paused. "Dragon blood is supposed to be an efficient oven cleaner."

She blinked. " _What_?"

I grinned. "You asked me to tell you something you didn't know."

She looked at me and burst into laughter. "You are all sorts of crazy, James Potter."

"Yeah, well, I hear it runs in the family," I grinned, clinking my glass against hers.

We chatted for a while, sipping our butterbeers and eventually snacking on the chips that were delivered to our table, and there was somewhere in the back of my mind that told me that today was going far better than I thought before I quickly suppressed the thought in fear that even thinking it would somehow bring bad luck to me.

Fred and Ryleigh eventually joined us and I greeted the former by saying, "You're a fucking prat, Fred Arthur Weasley."

He grinned as he slid into the bench opposite us. "You love me, James Sirius Potter."

"Not right now I don't."

"Your middle name is Sirius?" Ryleigh spoke, her eyebrow arched. "How completely opposite of what you are."

"Oh, and what's your middle name? Not Funny?" I teased.

"That would be two middle names," she teased right back and I found myself laughing.

Fred chimed in. "So how is the happy couple doing on this fine Valentine's Day?"

"Just peachy," I drawled. "We were just debating whether to try and push those two lonely third years in the corner together and call ourselves Cupid's matchmakers."

Fred and Ryleigh turned around and glanced at the pair we were referring to who were sitting a few tables apart, both of them on their own. "The boy is a fourth year not a third year," Ryleigh argued. "Friends with Lionel."

I shrugged. "Okay, so we were just debating whether to try and push the lonely third year and the lonely fourth year together and call ourselves Cupid's matchmakers."

"Hm, let me guess," Fred drawled, "James is all for this idea and AliCat is very much against it."

"I hardly think trying to matchmake a pair of students we don't even know on Valentine's Day of all days is a brilliant idea," Alice spoke.

"Maybe those two are meant to be!" I argued. "Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws are made for each other. They deserve to-"

"Uh, Idina isn't a Ravenclaw, she's a Slytherin," Ryleigh interrupted.

I blinked. "Oh," I said hesitantly.

"Like I said, a pair of students that _we don't even know_ ," Alice groaned. "Find something else to keep you busy, Jay."

I considered this for only a mere second before a smirk broke out across my face. "So Ryleigh, tell us all your dirty little secrets."

She blinked in confusion while Fred glared at me. "Yeah, you can go back to matchmaking now."

I waved my hand dismissively at him. "Nope, I've moved on to playing talk host," I said. "So out with it, tell us all about yourself."

Ryleigh looked at me with a small shake of the head. "Well, I like pina coladas and getting caught in the rain. I'm not into yoga and you have half a brain."

I rolled my eyes, ignoring the laughs coming from Alice and Fred at Ryleigh's use of The Pina Colada song lyrics. "Well, she got the 'half a brain' part right," Fred smirked.

I chucked a handful of chips at him but my attention was still on the Hufflepuff. "That wasn't exactly the response I was looking for, Ryleigh Not Funny Carver."

"Invasive questions get witty responses, James Not Sirius Potter," Ryleigh shot back with a grin.

"Y'know, I'm still very much on the fence of whether I like you or not," I said in a joking manner. That earned me a smack to the shoulder by Alice and a chip thrown at my face by Fred.

"I only need one person at this table to like me and it ain't you, Potter," Ryleigh said with a glib smirk.

"You probably want Ace on your good side, too, or she can saddle you with Saturday morning detention for the rest of the year," I pointed out.

"She is on my good side," Alice pointed out. Smirking she added, "You're the one straying to my bad one."

As Fred roared with laughter and Ryleigh chuckled, I turned to her with a pout. "What if I get you a refill on that drink?"

She smiled. "That'll keep you on my good side for a while."

I leaned over and pressed a kiss to her cheek before grabbing her empty mug and heading back up to the bar. As I ventured back towards the table, my eye caught sight of something I really hadn't wanted to see. With a frown, I finished my trek back to my table and slid back into the booth. "You will never guess who is here together," I drawled, a slight edge to my voice.

The three of them exchanged a curious look before Fred spoke. "Dare I ask who?"

"Winters and Jessup," I growled.

Alice cringed as Fred's eyebrows popped way into his forehead. "The bloody nerve of that girl!" he scoffed. "If she's trying to make Dash jealous, she's doing a poor job of it considering Dash isn't even here."

"Maybe she actually likes him," Ryleigh considered.

Fred and I both recoiled in utter disgust. "No. No way," I said.

"Not a chance," Fred agreed.

"He's a tool."

"An utter twat."

"Whiny Know-it-All."

"Pretentious stick in the mud."

"Total Mama's Boy."

"Smug kiss-ass."

"Teacher's p-"

"Okay, I think we get it," Alice interrupted with the roll of her eyes. "And don't look now, but they're totally snogging in the corner."

Ryleigh turned to look out of curiosity but both Fred and my hands flew to our eyes as if we desperately needed to shield them. "Ew, no, don't want to see that!" Fred groaned.

Alice and Ryleigh chuckled in unison. "You two are acting ridiculous," Alice drawled.

I pouted. "I think Ace just called us ridiculous, Freddo."

"Why yes, I think she did, Jameso."

"What are we going to do about it, Freddo?"

"I'm thinking we're going to ignore her and come up with all the ways we can mess with Jessup."

" _No_ ," Alice groaned but I cut her off by saying, "I'm thinking laxative in his drink or we tie his shoelaces together and watch as he trips when he gets up from the table."

"You always suggest the first one and yet you never actually have laxatives on you," Fred sighed.

"So then we'll go with the latter?"

"This probably doesn't come as a shock but you're straying to my bad side again," Alice drawled.

I leaned over and pressed a kiss to her cheek. "You totally knew what you were getting into when you agreed to date me."

She chuckled. "That I did," she said with a smile before returning her attention on to the couple opposite us. "Y'know, we never actually got the story of how you two got together."

"Yeah, I'm assuming Carver had to convince you she was worth your time," I teased at my cousin. "Can't imagine you were the one jumping at the opportunity to be someone's boyfriend."

The two of them shared a look and smiled. It was only slightly nauseating. "Neither one of us really asked each other out," he said hesitantly. "It just kinda…happened. We were being casual about the whole thing and then suddenly, it wasn't so casual. I told her I wanted to be with her."

"I told him I didn't believe him," Ryleigh chuckled, a flicker of nostalgia flashing across her eyes. "I figured someone had to be daring him to ask me out. Why else would the King of One-Night Stands want a girlfriend?"

"A girlfriend that went against the Code," I reminded them.

Fred rolled his eyes. "That stupid, fucking Code."

"Tell us how you really feel," Alice laughed.

He let out a quiet chuckle, glancing over at Ryleigh who was already staring over at him. "But y'know…" he trailed off curiously, "I wouldn't change a thing. Well, no, actually I would change a lot in how it all came out. But I wouldn't change a thing with Ryleigh. I'd still choose her every time."

And now we were at full-blown nauseating.

"You two might want to move aside because I'm about to puke all over this table," I drawled.

The two of them laughed as Fred's fingers curled in hers. "This is pretty weird, isn't it," Fred said, looking at me.

"What is?"

He shrugged, his lip curling upward in a small smile. "You and me dating."

I shrugged, too, but didn't get to respond as Alice distracted me by laughing. "That sounds like you two are dating each other."

I made a face but Fred merely shrugged and, "Hey, he could do worse."

That earned him a chip to the face.

We dove into a conversation about the upcoming Quidditch playoffs. I was obviously rooting for the Cannons who were at the top of their division, but the real conversation centered around whether the Harpies' win against the Macaws was a fluke or if the all-girl team had a real shot of making it to the next round. It wasn't long before the door to the pub opened up and I noticed my brother walking in on his own. Frowning, I saw him sidle up to the bar and order a butterbeer, taking occupancy of one of the empty bar stools.

"I'll be right back," I murmured, abandoning the conversation as I made my way through the crowd towards the bar. I came up beside my brother and said, "Meeting someone?"

He glanced at me sideways, his eyes immediately narrowing. "What do you want, James?"

I slid into the empty stool next to him. "You're either meeting someone and they haven't shown up yet or you really are the saddest motherfucker in the bar. So which one is it?"

He went back to drinking his butterbeer. "Leave me alone."

Guess that answered that question. "Why do you hate the idea of Rose and Malfoy fooling around so much?"

He shot me a dirty look. "This coming from the guy who can't stand the idea of any of the female members of our family fooling around with _anyone_."

I shrugged. "Believe me, the idea of Rose and Malfoy snogging makes me want to vomit," I muttered, "But to be perfectly honest, I much prefer that over the alternative."

" _Not_ snogging?" Albus snorted.

I rolled my eyes. " _Dating_."

He made a face. "They would never."

I glanced at him curiously. "Yeah, I know that. I was just beginning to wonder if maybe you didn't."

He scowled. "I know them better than you, James. Give me some credit."

"Then _why_ the hell does them fooling around like a pair of horny teenagers bother you so damned much?" I scoffed. "What, are you just against casual flings? Do you disapprove of anything less than a relationship? Because, seriously, it's not like being in a long-term relationship worked for you all that well."

Albus slammed his butterbeer down on the counter and glared at me. "Thank you for being your usual arsehole self to me right now," he growled. "How about you go be an arsehole to that so-called girlfriend of yours instead and prove to her just how much of an idiot she is for going out with you?"

"Go ahead and badmouth me all you want," I seethed, leaning into him in a rather threatening way, "But don't you dare ever badmouth Ace."

"That wasn't me badmouthing her," he drawled. "She'll figure out sooner rather than later that your bad qualities far outweigh your good and she'll be dumping you in no time."

Okay, I was getting incredibly tired of everyone commenting that my relationship was doomed to fail.

And if he had said that a few hours earlier, I might have actually socked him in the face. But that was then. I had enough confidence in myself and in my relationship now that there wasn't any insecurities pushing me to resort to defensive violence.

This isn't what people called maturity, was it?

"I never considered you a jealous or insecure person before but maybe that's exactly what you are," I scoffed, picking myself off the barstool. "But don't go hating the rest of us just because we have options while the only girl in the school who ever showed an ounce of interest in you got bored and entertained herself with someone else."

I turned to walk away but apparently Albus wasn't done with the conversation. "But that's just it, isn't it," he murmured, taking a large gulp of the butterbeer. "I don't have Kat anymore. And I'm finally okay with that. I am. But I'm not like you, James. I don't have a horde of friends on my tail everywhere I go. And the only two friends I have left are choosing each other over me."

I slowly turned around to face my clearly dejected brother. "Only because you're making them choose," I said, picking my words carefully.

He said nothing as he stared longingly into his half-empty butterbeer. Looking at him now, seeing the lack of confidence in his face and his posture made me think that I was right to think that perhaps he was far more insecure than I ever realized. It was clear in his words that he suddenly felt second-best to both his friends, much like Kat made him feel at the demise of their relationship, and I knew all too well that being second best was not an ideal situation to be in.

Hesitating, I reclaimed the empty barstool. "They're not together," I reminded him. "Nor do they want to be. They're just having a bit of fun. I'm not saying it's a good idea because frankly Rose deserves a hell of a lot better than some random snogmate who she doesn't even like, but they're not hurting anyone. You just have to let them make their mistakes, Al. You can't stop them and the more you try, the more they're going to keep doing it just to spite you."

He remained quiet, fingering the rim of his glass with a thoughtful frown. "They could have anyone else in the school," he muttered. "Why each other?"

Because the one person Rose wanted didn't want her back.

Or at least wouldn't admit it.

"Because with each other, they know it'll never mean anything," I said with a mere shrug. "And I know you might not get this, but sometimes you just need to get away from your own thoughts and feelings and the hollow sounds of your own heart. And using a broom cupboard and someone who will never want anything more from you sometimes feels like the only way to escape."

Albus turned to me and met my gaze, the sudden intensity between us unexpected and uncomfortable.

So I added with a teasing grin, "Alcohol helps, too."

Albus frowned and looked away. "Hasn't anyone ever told you that sex and alcohol aren't always the answers to your problems?" he spoke bitterly.

I shrugged. "I never said it was the answer. I just said it was an escape."

He shot me a glare. "So because I don't hide from the world by shagging some bimbo in a broom cupboard, that makes me the abnormal one here?"

"No, the fact that you're you makes you the abnormal one here," I teased.

He didn't seem to appreciate that.

"Hey, remember when I told you to leave me alone?" he snapped.

I shrugged. "Let me just say one last thing before I go," I suggested. "You were just saying how without Kat, the only two people you feel you have left are Rose and Malfoy. But you don't exactly have them if you're fighting with them, do you?"

He shook his head. "You don't get it," he muttered.

No, I really didn't.

"Then help me get it."

He let out a snort of protest. "Because you care so much about me?" he accused, his voice suddenly laced with disgust. "Or is this just about Rose?"

I gaped at him. _"What_?"

"I know that the two of you are suddenly all buddy-buddy."

My mouth parted. "We're not buddy-buddy," I huffed. "We're…friends. Friendly? Cousins who are going through a nice phase? Oh, hell, I haven't a clue what we are but I'm not her best friend, Al, _you are_. She's only been coming to me recently because you're being a pill."

It wasn't completely the truth for I knew that the reason Rose had come to me in the first place about Scorpius was because she knew Albus would never understand but he needed to know I wasn't looking to take his place in her life.

"Whatever," he drawled. "You can have her. I'm done."

"I can _have_ her?" I groaned. "That is quite possibly the most chauvinistic thing ever to come out of your mouth."

"You must be rubbing off on me then."

I was getting increasingly frustrated with my brother and he seemed to not mind. It was rather irritating. "I am not trying to take her from you and neither is Malfoy, Al," I snapped. "Maybe she doesn't always show it, hell she _never_ shows it, but she needs you. So please just stop being so stubborn and let yourself need her back."

There was a flicker of uncertainty in his eyes and I suddenly wondered if I had just stumbled across the real reason he was pushing his friends away.

Because he was afraid of being pushed away first.

And the one thing I could easily understand was doing everything you possibly could to protect your own heart from ever getting hurt.

"Al-"

"I don't want to talk about this anymore," he pleaded, shaking his head vulnerably. "Especially not with you."

I was all ready to tell him that it seemed he had limited options of people to talk to but before I could respond, we were interrupted. "You're sitting in my seat, Potter."

Both Albus and I turned towards Reese as she came up behind us. I glanced at my brother curiously before turning back to the keeper. "Throwing the name 'Potter' out there to two Potters is a bit confusing, don't you think?"

She rolled her eyes and pointed at me before pointing to my table. "You. Go."

"Are you above speaking in full sentences?"

As if on cue, she rolled her eyes again. "Good-bye, Potter."

I chuckled and climbed off the barstool but not before asking, "So it's okay for you to fool around with Malfoy's cousin, Al, but it's not okay for him to fool around with yours?"

"We're not fooling around," Albus snapped at me. "We're friends. Though I understand why that concept is beyond your realm of understanding."

"Oy, I was friends with Greengrass first!"

"Oh, for the love of Merlin," Reese muttered under her breath as she took over my barstool. "I'm friends with the both of you. Just because you two have it out for each other doesn't mean I have to pick a side. Now, I believe your table is over there, James."

I shot both the Slytherins a nasty look before reluctantly heading back to my own table.

"Dammit," Fred said upon my return, tossing a galleon towards Alice who grinned smugly. "Your brother was supposed to throw his butterbeer in your face, Jameso."

I blinked, glancing between the two of them. "You two bet on whether my brother would throw a drink in my face?"

"Yes" they both said in unison.

I scowled and turned my gaze on Ryleigh. "Did you have in on this bet?"

"No, I told them betting against their friend is trivial and cruel and I wanted no part of it."

My eyebrow popped upward.

"Or I was in the bathroom when they came up with the bet so I wasn't aware of it at all."

I couldn't help but laugh at that. "Y'know what, Carver?" I said, grabbing my near-empty drink and holding it up in her direction. "I think I've decided I might like you."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

The pub got more crowded as the day went on though I noticed my brother and Reese trickled out shortly after our conversation. Roxanne and Zig had shown up at one point and Fred hexed him and got an earful from Roxanne before they retreated to a table on the other side of the room. Hattie and Rudy wandered in together which intrigued me as I wasn't aware they were all that friendly. Jax and Laikyn came through the door and after Fred gestured them over, they ended up joining us at our table. Kenley walked in hand-in-hand with Landon Pritchett and I couldn't help but think that the two of them were perfect for each other. Eventually, Lily and CJ walked in with Rayne and Hugo and I waved them over.

"Staying away from Puddifoot's, hm?" I questioned my sister and her boyfriend. "Good call."

"It's a madhouse in there," Lily drawled. "We walked in and then right back out. We wanted nothing to do with it."

I narrowed my eyes at her. "The correct response would have been 'yes, of course I haven't gone anywhere near that mushy establishment today.'"

She rolled her eyes at me. "In case I haven't said it recently, you're a prat, James."

I shrugged and turned my attention on to the other twosome beside them. "And what's going on here?" I questioned, pointing between Hugo and Rayne. "Friends or date?"

The red hue against both of their cheeks answered that question for me.

"Ah, guess this means you're not gay, hm?" Fred said to Hugo with a shrug. "Louis owes me a galleon."

Hugo glared at him. "You were betting with Louis on whether or not I was straight?"

He grinned. "Hey, I'm the one who said you were!" he said sheepishly.

Hugo glanced at Rayne who appeared to be holding back her laughter. "I promise you that all of my cousins have been dropped on their heads as babies. Multiples times. Severe brain injuries. Very little sign of intelligence."

She giggled. "I think we both know how aware I am of how not gay you are by now," she spoke with a sly grin.

My eyebrow shot up in slight amusement as Hugo's cheeks turned a light shade of pink. "Nice going, Hugo," I teased, holding up my hand for a high-five.

Hugo rolled his eyes but high-fived me anyway while Lily responded. "That is such a double standard!" she drawled. "Him, you high-five when you find out he's snogging some girl. Me, you scold!"

"Oy, no snogging allowed for you!" I scoffed.

She threw her hands in the air with a scowl. " _You are just proving my point_."

I only shrugged for she wasn't wrong.

"Remember how in the beginning of the year I said I liked it better when our team members remained single?" I muttered with a slow shake of the head.

"Remember how I called you a pig when you said that?" Alice drawled.

"No."

She hesitated. "Oh, then I must have just been thinking it."

Laughter erupted around us but I just rolled my eyes and said, "Well, I officially declare Rose my favorite as she is apparently the only single one on the team left."

"Uh," Ryleigh spoke up, clearing her throat as she gazed over my head towards the entrance of the pub, "You may want to hold that thought."

A flurry of heads swiveled towards the entrance, including mine, and my heart nearly stopped in utter irritation when I watched a laughing Rose and Scorpius wander through the door together. "What in Merlin's name are they playing at?" I muttered to myself.

Stealing a glance towards Jax, I became aware of how stiff he had gone as Laikyn said in an incredulous tone, "What is he doing with her? Scorpius can do so much better."

"The guy's a douchebag," Jax muttered. "And you think he's the one that can do better?"

Laikyn turned to him sharply. "Are you actually defending Rose?"

He sighed and shook his head. "No, they can do whatever the hell they want," he grumbled.

With a quick curious glance towards him, I said a quick, "I'll be right back" and headed over to the duo who had just settled into a table together.

"Are you two trying to get rumors spread about you?" I drawled with folded arms.

Rose glanced up at me. "Come again?"

"You are wandering through Hogsmeade _together_ on Valentine's Day," I hissed. "Do you really want people to assume you're dating?"

"Who says we aren't?" she retaliated.

My eyes grew wide in irritation. "You have got to be fucking kidding me."

She grinned. "Of course I am," she laughed. "Malfoy is still very much an insufferable toerag."

"And Weasley's a stubborn stick in the mud," Scorpius added.

I glared at the both of them before settling my gaze back on to my cousin. "So is this your plan?" I scoffed. "Pretend to be something you're not in an attempt to spark up some jealousy?"

Rose glared at me. "There is no _plan_ , James," she snapped. "I just had no desire to be a third wheel on Harley's date and considering my best friend has decided to completely shut me out, I had little reason to say no when Malfoy suggested we wander through Hogsmeade together so as not to look like two very lonely and pathetic boneheads."

I frowned. "Has he seen you?"

"What?"

"Has Al seen you two together?"

"I don't know nor do I particularly care," she grunted.

I sighed. "You might when I tell you he feels as if you two are choosing each other over him."

Scorpius appeared to be surprised by that statement but Rose merely rolled her eyes. "If he knew me at all, he'd know I'd never chose this cretin over my own cousin."

"You always talk so sweet to me, babe," Scorpius drawled.

"Yeah, if you could refrain from calling my cousin 'babe' in my presence, that would be much appreciated," I drawled.

He rolled his eyes. "Your brother knows nothing is going on between me and Weasley," he spoke. "So I don't think it's fair that he's even putting us in the position of having to choose between each other and him."

"Seems to me the choice is obvious," I hissed at him.

"There shouldn't have to be a choice at all," Rose chimed in with an edge to her tone.

I rolled my eyes. "The three of you may be the most stubborn human beings on the planet. You really were made for each other, that's for sure," I groaned before turning on my heel and heading back to my own table.

My sister and Hugo had disappeared with their dates when I returned. Sliding back into the bench beside Alice, I said, "Sometimes I wish my mother had been an only child like Dad. Cousins are a right pain in my arse."

As the girls burst into laughter, Fred huffed. "Oy, then there wouldn't be me!"

"Yes, quite the added bonus."

I ducked as a chip came flying at my face.

"What did they say?" Jax asked in a clipped tone.

I glanced over at him and with a hesitant shrug, I said, "I don't know what's going on between them but I think we all know that by the time we traipse back to Hogwarts, those two will be the talk of the school."

I could feel Alice's eyes on me and I was certain she knew I was being evasive on purpose.

"They wouldn't be in Hogsmeade together if they didn't want people to talk," Jax spoke and I could have sworn I detected some faint irritation in his voice.

I was compelled to agree with him despite Rose's insistence that her friendship with Scorpius, if one could even call it that, was overwhelmingly innocent.

Well, as innocent as it could possibly be when two people had shagged.

And for the record, I really hoped that stayed in the past tense.

"Y'know, suddenly I've lost my appetite," Jax said as he finished off his butterbeer and pulled himself off the chair he had dragged over. Glancing down at Laikyn, he extended his hand and said, "What do you say we get out of here?"

She shrugged and took his hand, waving at us before the two of them disappeared out the door.

"He's got a point," Alice spoke once they were gone. "Rose and Scorpius are not dumb enough to think they could venture into Hogsmeade _together_ without people speculating."

I met her gaze. "It's totally innocent between them. With Al not speaking to either one of them, they felt it made wandering around Hogsmeade together inevitable," I spoke hesitantly for I suspected that the only reason Rose was wandering Hogsmeade with Scorpius was because the idea of being alone sounded far worse.

Then again, when did Rose ever care about being alone?

"Oh, yeah," Fred snorted sarcastically, "Two people who can't stand each other deciding to spend the day together. _Totally inevitable_."

I bit back a smirk as Alice rolled her eyes beside me. "Let's talk about Albus and Reese instead. What's with them?" she questioned.

"Friends apparently," I said.

"Who are hanging out alone together on Valentine's Day," she mused.

"So are Rose and Scorpius and they're just friends…or whatever you call two people who can't stand each other but snog for the fun of it," I retaliated.

"You know what you call it?" Fred spoke up with a quiet snort. "Gossip."

I met Fred's knowing gaze before meeting Alice's. One thing that we all knew the school loved to do was gossip.

Especially when it came to my family.

"Well, I don't know about the rest of you but I could totally take a page out of Jax's book and get out of here," Alice sighed, looking at me somewhat expectantly.

I finished off my butterbeer and stood up from the table. "I suppose that's my cue to get this little lady back to the castle," I said, winking at Alice.

She rolled her eyes as she grabbed her bag of Honeyduke's chocolate and slid across the bench. I handed her jacket to her and she put it on, tossing her scarf tightly around her shoulders. "We'll see you two crazy kids later," I spoke to Fred and Ryleigh who appeared to be fine sticking around Three Broomsticks for a while. "Don't do anything I would do."

"Doesn't leave us with much, does it," Fred deadpanned.

I threw one last chip at him before walking out.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

We opted to walk back to the castle despite the chill in the air. Alice was talking to me but I was being a bad boyfriend and barely listening, thinking back over what I would ultimately call a successful Valentine's Day, especially considering I had had little expectations for the day going into it. I had started out as the guy who knew very little about relationships and while I still knew very little, it no longer deterred me. Alice was still Alice and I was still me and maybe we'd have to navigate a few uncharted waters but at least we got to do it together.

" _Jay_."

I broke out of my revelry and glanced down at her. "Er…sorry. What did you say?"

"Oh, how I love it when my boyfriend tunes me out," she said with a teasing smile.

"Sorry," I said again. "Just thinking."

"Uh-oh, no good can ever come of you thinking."

I poked her in the side and she scooted away with a laugh. "Talk to me," she said, nudging me with her shoulder. "What's running through your mind?"

I shrugged and went with a slight version of the truth. "Considering I haven't a clue how this boyfriend stuff is supposed to work, I thought today went rather well."

She seemed to be surprised by my comment but a slow smile appeared on her face as she placed her glove-filled hand in mine. "I think you're picking up on how this boyfriend stuff is supposed to work pretty quickly if you ask me."

I smiled because it was impossible not to around her. "I'm starting to catch on," I said with a chuckle, instinctively leaning over and capturing her lips with mine.

"For the record," she whispered when we parted, "I don't need you to buy me chocolates and flowers all the time. I don't need anything from you except you."

"Well, you've got me," I encouraged, intertwining my fingers in hers as a wistful smile broke out across my face. "For the rest of our lives, you've got me, Ace."

She grinned up at me. "One Valentine's Day and you're already planning the rest of our lives."

I was quick to shake my head. "Sorry to say but I've been planning our entire lives since the day we met, Ace."

Awe filled her gaze. "For someone who claims to be bad at this boyfriend stuff, you seem to know exactly what to say to make a girl feel special."

I took a step towards her, grabbing her by the waist and pulling her towards me so our bodies were flesh up against each other. "That's because you are special, Ace," I whispered, dipping my head so my lips were just underneath her ear. "I know people say that there's no such thing as the perfect woman, but I'm pretty sure those people never met you."

Her cheeks flushed and I knew it wasn't because of the cold as the gratitude and the awe flickered in her blue eyes. "Has anyone ever told you that you have a real way with words?" she whispered.

I locked hands behind her, planting a tender kiss against her cheek. "Only around you, Alice Longbottom," I spoke and I didn't bother to finish the rest of that statement as I pressed my cracked lips to hers, the heat of the kiss supplying me with a surprising amount of warmth.

"Oy, I can't believe you're cheating on me with Longbottom!"

I broke the kiss off with Alice and turned around as Rudy came up behind us wearing an expression of feigned horror with Hattie traipsing behind him. "Okay, but seriously, _why_ are you always around?" I groaned.

"Why are you always cheating on me?" he huffed playfully. "I am so snapping that rose you gave me into two."

I rolled my eyes. "Sorry, Frankel, my heart has always belonged to Ace."

He chuckled while Hattie made a gagging noise. "That might be the sappiest thing I've ever heard come out of your mouth, Potter."

I shrugged, glancing between the two of them. "So," I said with a smirk, "You two an item now?"

Hattie rolled her eyes. "Did it ever occur to you that a guy and a girl canbe friends without it being anything more?"

I glanced over at Alice and found myself smiling. "Last month, I might have agreed with you," I said, glancing back over at the pair. "Today, I don't."

She wrinkled her nose. "Ew, more sappiness."

Both Alice and I laughed. "You two heading back to the castle?" Alice asked them.

"Well, we are wandering down the cobblestone pathway that leads back to the castle," Rudy spoke contemplatively, "So clearly the answer to your question is no."

Alice shoved his shoulder as I stifled a laugh. "No one likes a wise-ass, Frankel," she huffed.

Hattie burst into laughter almost immediately. "Says the girl dating Mr. King of the Wiseasses."

Alice grinned sheepishly while I wondered if I should take that as an insult or a compliment. I went with the latter. "Thank you, Hattie. It's nice to be recognized even when I'm not wearing my crown and sash."

She groaned and rolled her eyes as we all found ourselves heading back to the castle together. Hattie evidently seemed to think it was hilarious that Fred Weasley and James Potter not only had dates for Valentine's Day but that they had also double-dated. I couldn't get her to stop laughing no matter how many times I glared at her.

"I really don't see what's so funny here," I huffed as we made our way through the wrought-iron doors into the castle. All of us let out sighs of relief at the much-needed warmth. "It's not like I haven't dated before. I took you to Hogsmeade back in October if you recall."

Hattie rolled her eyes. "That was not a date."

"Yeah, the only two here that dated during that Hogsmeade visit was me and Alice," Rudy smirked.

Alice's cheeks flushed as I glared at the Head Boy. "And look how well that turned out for you."

He shrugged. "Ten minutes into the date, I knew it was you she wanted to be with."

Those words surprised me as I turned to face Alice. "If that was true, why did you go with this git to Hogsmeade?"

"Uh, hi, said git standing right here," Rudy drawled.

Alice ignored him. "Because he asked and I was trying _not_ to fancy you," she said to me with a sheepish shrug.

I offered her a smile. "I'm glad it didn't work," I said, reaching over and curling my arm around her shoulders, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

"Ew," Hattie muttered.

"Ew is right," Rudy agreed.

"Speaking of couples," I said, glancing over at Hattie. "What is going on with your two teammates.?"

Hattie's eyebrow popped up. She glanced over at Alice, seemingly for more information, but she merely shrugged. "You're going to need to be more specific, James, seeing as I have several teammates," Hattie drawled.

"Al and Greengrass," I shot back as we rounded the corner towards the Head Dorm.

Hattie let out a frustrated grunt, followed by a roll of the eyes. "Why is that everyone just assumes two people are a couple if they hang out in Hogsmeade on Valentine's Day?"

"Because couples hang out in Hogsmeade on Valentine's Day."

Alice and Rudy both bit back a laugh but Hattie shot me a look. "Alright, I don't know why I'm feeding into your gossip requests, but I'll indulge you just this once," she sighed. "Ever since Al and Kat broke up and ever since Rose and Scorpius have been playing their little games with one another, it seems as if Al has been turning to Reese for companionship. And before you ask, no, they aren't anything but friends."

I didn't know why but it bugged me that Albus seemed to be befriending Reese all of a sudden. I never liked when his and my paths crossed and as unbelievably selfish and childish as it sounded, Reese had always been a friend to me and a teammate to Albus and that was the way I liked it.

"Good to know," I muttered, storing the new information in the back of my mind as Rudy muttered the password to the Head Dorm.

As we all tumbled into the common room, we looked at each other in slight awkwardness. "We're, uh, going to listen to some music in my room," Rudy said with an innocent smile.

"Yeah, _okay_ ," I snorted. "Us, too."

That earned me an elbow to the stomach from Alice and a glare from the other two. "Don't be crass, Jay, or you may never get the chance to _listen to music_ in my room ever again," she said with her own smirk.

While the other two burst into laughter, I opted for my classic pout. "You play dirty, Alice Longbottom."

She chuckled and grabbed my hand. "C'mon, Jay, let's go," she said, nodding towards her stairwell.

"You crazy kids have fun _listening to music_ ," Rudy smirked, winking at us.

"You crazy kids remember to use the contraception charm," I fired back.

" _James_!"

I grinned and quickly fled up the stairwell before Alice had the chance to kick me out.

She joined me a few seconds later, amusement sparkling in her eyes. She tossed the bag of chocolate on to her desk beside the quill holder that now held the single rose I gave her earlier before joining me on the bed. "Today was great," Alice murmured, dropping her head on to her pillow with a yawn. "Thank you, Jay."

I smiled down at her with a small shake of the head. "Today would have been even greater had we never walked into the Weasley Joke Shop," I teased, curling my arm under her and pulling her towards me.

She laughed, shoving my shoulder lightly. "You do not hate your family as much as you pretend to," she argued.

"Yeah, but it's so much more fun pretending that I do," I whined and she smacked me playfully on the shoulder. "Okay, fine, maybe they're not all so bad. Most of them, yes. But not all."

She looked up at me with a smile and while I tried to match her smile, I couldn't because for the second time that day, I found myself thinking about my father. I knew I was the big family disappointment, the guy who made far more bad decisions than good ones, and I would have thought that my father would have appreciated the very idea of his big womanizing son finally finding a reason to settle down and yet a letter of praise had never come from him.

"What are you thinking about?"

I glanced down at the curious concern in her blue eyes. I was all ready to blow off the question, but I found my usual dismissiveness suddenly unattainable. And so I said, "I can't help but wonder what my dad thinks about all of this. You and me, I mean."

Her eyebrow popped up but only for a moment before a thick layer of hesitance flashed across her face. "You really want to know?"

I turned to her sharply. " _You_ know?"

She bit down on her bottom lip, a habit she only often did when feeling uncomfortable about something. "Yeah."

I gaped at her. "But...how?"

There was something resembling that of panic in her eyes but it was gone before I could analyze it. "He, uh, he's had a conversation with my father about it," she spoke hastily.

Oh, right.

"Hm. Okay," I spoke slowly.

I could feel her eyes on me. "So..." she trailed off, "Do you want to know what he thinks or not?"

"Depends what it is," I muttered, shaking my head in defeat. "I'm not looking for any further disappointment from him."

She rested her chin against my shoulder. "Now, why would you think he'd be disappointed?" she whispered.

Because when it comes to me, that was his usual go-to sentiment.

I didn't say that for I knew that would just spark a whole other conversation that I was really not looking to have at the moment. "My father loves you so I want to believe he'd love us, but you just never know with him."

"He does," she reassured and when I looked down at her I saw sincerity in her pleading eyes. "He thinks it's great. He's been rooting for us all along and is thrilled that we have figured out that each other is what we want. He's proud of you, James. Of us."

I wasn't sure what to make of that because pride wasn't something I was accustomed to receiving from my father. But Alice's reassurance that my father was on board with this relationship did seem to lighten my heart a little bit so I was thankful for that.

"He's been rooting for us all along?" I questioned.

She nodded. "Evidently, he's been shipping us for years. Your father's words, not mine."

"Probably because he was hoping you'd be able to tame my wild ways," I blurted out.

She shot me a look. "Don't turn this isn't something it doesn't have to be. Just let your father be happy for us."

She was right because duh, she was always right.

I could question why my father was proud of me and why he was rooting for us this whole time, wondering if it was even about my relationship or just me in general, but instead I was choosing to accept his support because it wasn't as if I had his support in other areas of my life. I might as well enjoy what little support I was getting.

"Well, okay," I said with a dramatic sigh. "But I reserve the right to change my mind in the future."

"Does everything have to come with a caveat for you?" she whined.

I looked down at her, a smile breaking out across my jawline. "You don't," I whispered, leaning over to press my lips to hers.

She smiled against my lips, her hand moving upward to frame my face. "Keep talking," she whispered and I kissed her again.

"No," I spoke, leaving a trail of kisses down her jawline. "No more talking."

I continued running my lips down her jaw and her neck and her collarbone, listening to the sounds of her heavy breathing as she finally said, "Yeah, okay. No more talking."

I grinned wickedly as I brought my lips back to hers, sliding my tongue into her mouth and tasting the subtle hint of butterbeer. The kiss grew desperate as she ran her fingers up my neck and into my hair, rolling her hips against me until she was flush up against my side with me nearly hovering over her. I twisted my body just slightly, never letting our lips part, until my body was practically crushing hers, a wild yearning exploding within my chest. I heard a slight moan fall from her lips and I caught the alluring noise with a kiss as the sudden thought that this was the best Valentine's Day I've ever had sprang to the forefront of my mind.

Her legs suddenly wrapped around me as she pressed her pelvis against mine, our lips frantically exploring each other's in a ferocious manner. Everything about this moment felt right and as I pulled my lips off of hers, just for a moment to catch my breath, I was struck by just how beautiful Alice really was. Smiling at her, I pressed my lips to hers once again before they made their way towards her bare neck. She arched her back as her eyes fluttered close, her hands making their way back into my hair as she let my mouth take over.

When she tore off her shirt, I found myself in very dangerous territory as I stared at the girl I had known my entire life now only wearing a very lacy bra. My heart began to race at the unexpectedly intimate moment and our eyes met in quiet yearning.

She smiled at me, her arms wrapping tightly around my shoulders. "Why are you staring at me like that?" she said shyly. "It's not like you haven't seen me in a bikini before."

I met her gaze, noticing the slightest bit of nerves in her eyes. "A bra seems much sexier for some reason," I said with an impish grin.

She smirked and leaned in towards me. "You know what's even sexier than a bra?" she whispered and all I could do was shake my head. She moved her lips just below my ear and whispered, "No bra at all."

My mouth went dry. "And, uh, what might that look like?"

A flirtatious giggle fell from her lips and she brought her lips to mine, kissing them just slightly before whispering, "I think there's a really good chance of you finding out tonight."

Well, it was official.

I loved Valentine's Day.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Alice kicked me out of her room a half hour before curfew. I knew I had to go but that didn't mean I wanted to as I stole a few more kisses before she pulled the sheet over her head and pointed to the door.

Laughing, I kissed the sheet that was covering her forehead and then reluctantly searched the room for my sweater and undershirt. I found them half-buried under the bed and threw them on, kissing the bedsheet again for she was still hiding underneath it and heading out with a sad sigh.

I took a step into her common room at the same time that Hattie appeared from the other stairwell. We both froze, looking at each other with identical sheepish looks.

"I didn't sleep with her," I blurted out.

Hattie shrugged. "I didn't sleep with him."

I glanced at her curiously, noticing the very disheveled hair and wrinkled clothing, and smirked. "Well, at least one of is us telling the truth," I teased.

Hattie tried glaring at me but even she couldn't help but laugh, her cheeks suddenly turning a very dark shade of red. "I say we walk out that door, go our separate ways, and pretty much never speak of this moment ever again," she said with a sheepish grin.

Chuckling I said, "Deal," and made my way out the door with Hattie right behind me. "See ya around."

I turned left and headed down the hallway, only stopping when I heard her call my name out. "James."

Turning around, I quirked my eyebrow. "Yeah?"

A small smile appeared on her face. "You seem really happy."

The comment threw me for a moment before my own smile settled into my expression, thoughts of Alice overtaking my mind. "I am."

"I'm glad," she said with a curt nod.

I nodded back. "So," I smirked, "What's going on with you and Frankel?"

She rolled her eyes. "Good-bye, James," she said, turning on her heel and heading down the hallway.

"Have fun doing the walk of shame back to your common room!"

"At least I'm not the one whose sweater is on backwards," she called over her shoulder before waving at me and rounding the corner.

Gaping at her, I quickly glanced down at my beige sweater. Sure enough, it was on inside out.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

When I got back to my room, I wasn't surprised that it was empty except for Dash who appeared bored by the essay he was currently scribbling.

He barely glanced up as I walked through the door and I only nodded at him as I peeled off my clothes to throw on a pair of sweatpants and a raggedy T-shirt.

"Franny chewed up the bottom of Jessup's hangings today."

I looked over at Dash, my brow furrowed. "What was she doing out of her cage?"

He shrugged. "She seemed a little rattled so I pulled her out."

There had to be more to that story but I didn't press it. "Well," I muttered, clearing my throat nervously, "You might want her to chew up all of his hangings with what I'm about to tell you."

Dash picked his head out of his essay with a frown. "What?" he sighed.

Grimacing, I said, "Jessup was with Shayne today in Hogsmeade."

There was the faintest sliver of grief in Dash's eyes, though he hid it well with irritation. "Good for them," he muttered through gritted teeth.

"You don't mean that."

"She's a high-maintenance priss and he's a pompous arse," he snapped at me. "Seems to me those two are made for each other."

"Maybe, but hardly seems fair that they spent the day in Hogsmeade while you were up here sulking all day," I shot back at him.

"Who says I was sulking?"

"You hate Franny," I pointed out.

"No, I don't."

"She's always chewing on your stuff."

He scoffed. "What's your point?"

"That I have to think you only pulled her out of her cage because you were feeling lonely and were desperate for any kind of company."

He frowned. "What was I supposed to do?" he snapped at me. "Ask some random girl I didn't even like on a date just to try and rub my ex-girlfriend's nose in it?"

" _Yes_."

Dash glared at me.

"Okay, no," I said sheepishly. "But how long are you going to punish yourself, Dash?"

Dash blinked, the irritation giving way to confusion. "What are you talking about?"

"You cheated on her," I spoke bluntly, shrugging curtly. "It was a shitty thing to do and a lot of people got hurt but hiding from the world isn't going to suddenly make everything okay again. Believe me, I would know."

Dash slowly sat up, his eyes never straying from mine. "Yeah, and you got the girl in the end," he reminded me. "I didn't."

I hesitated. "Do you even want the girl? Shayne, I mean. I know you loved her and all but I can't help but think you cheated on her for a reason."

Dash winced but carefully considered the question. Glancing towards me out of the corner of his eye, he eventually shook his head. "I don't know if Shayne and I were right for each other," he murmured. "I thought she was cute, she thought I was funny and before we knew it, we were together for almost two years. For a while, things were really good but then they just got comfortable. Easy. Too easy. We started fighting because we grew apart and I think that was beginning to scare us a little because we were so used to being with each other that the idea of not being with each other seemed improbable. But that doesn't mean I should have cheated on her to break things off."

As he spoke, I found myself thinking about Alice. We had been best friends for seventeen years, almost eighteen, that it would be easy for us to fall into some sort of easy comfort zone, one that could ultimately tear us apart. It made things even scarier than they already were before I scolded myself for being concerned about something that hadn't even happened. "No, you shouldn't have," I said with a shrug, "But she's apparently with Jessup now and even though that makes me severely question her taste, if she can move on, so can you. But in order to do so, _you have to leave the room_."

Dash met my gaze, the silence overtaking him as I watched the wheels in his head turn. "Fine," he eventually said.

Success!

"Starting tomorrow," he grumbled.

Or not.

I sighed. "Why tomorrow?"

He shrugged. "Because tomorrow won't be Valentine's Day."

Good point.

With a chuckle, I nodded. "Alright then. Tomorrow it is."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

 **A/N:** Next up: who winds up in the hospital wing?


	27. Awake My Soul

**A/N:** The end of February is near. Well, in this story anyway. In real life, February has already come and gone.

* * *

 **A WAY WITH WORDS**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 27: Awake My Soul

" _How fickle my heart and how woozy my eyes  
I struggle to find any truth in your lies  
And now my heart stumbles on things I don't know  
My weakness I feel I must finally show  
Lend me your hand and we'll conquer them all  
But lend me your heart and I'll just let you fall  
Lend me your eyes I can change what you see  
But your soul you must keep, totally free."_  
-Mumford & Sons _  
_

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I had tossed and turned most of the night as thoughts of Alice kept me awake. I'd be lying if I said that most of said thoughts weren't dirty but I kept replaying that moment in my head where she stripped off her bra and I was staring at the naked breasts of the girl I had known since her birth. It got my heart (and my libido) racing and I knew that spending as much time with her as humanly possible would still never be enough. I somehow wanted her more now than I ever did before and it was scary and confusing and yet exciting all rolled into one.

I decided that if we could survive Valentine's Day together that there wasn't anything we couldn't survive.

It was early when I finally pulled myself out of bed, giving up on my charade of sleeping. I took a quick shower before grabbing my schoolbag, tossing a bunch of textbooks and of course my playbook inside, and heading off towards Alice's room.

Taking her stairs by twos, I knocked lightly before quietly pushing open the door. Alice was still sleeping and that put a smile on my face. Dropping my bag to the floor, I climbed into bed beside her and pressed a kiss to her shoulder.

She stirred and peeked an eye open, smiling when she saw me. "What time is it?" she murmured.

"Just after six o'clock."

Her eyes widened. "What?" she laughed. "Then what the hell are you doing here? Shouldn't you be sleeping?"

"Turns out, I can sleep far easier when you're beside me than when I'm alone."

She blinked in surprise, her eyes meeting mine with a smile. "I think you might be a romantic at heart, James Potter," she murmured before pressing her lips to mine.

She tried pulling away seconds later but I didn't let her, grabbing ahold of her waist and drawing her nearer to me as my lips tugged fervently at hers. She chuckled at the gesture, her lips tickling mine, before responding to my yearning with her own passionate hunger.

When we finally did part, my forehead found hers. "I could do that all day."

She looked at me curiously and said with a teasing smile, "You know what I could do all day? The pile of paperwork I have to go through, not to mention about six essays that need finishing."

I pouted. "Snogging sounds a hell of a lot more fun."

She just laughed, pressing another kiss to my lips before curling into my arms. "So does sleeping," she said with a stifled yawn.

I somehow managed to get in a couple hours of sleep before Alice pulled herself out of bed, much to my protest. We spent the entire day in her room, bribing a house elf for food, while Alice finished up her schoolwork and I busied myself with my Quidditch playbook, working on some new tactics for Lily. Alice did insist I do some actual schoolwork and while I had often disregarded her suggestions in the past, she told me she wouldn't snog me until at least one of my essays was completed so I wrote a half-researched paper on Amortentia (while she took a break and sketched me doing actual schoolwork) and then we proceeded to spend a good hour in her bed, our studies abandoned.

It was nearing seven o'clock, and the time our Quidditch practice was scheduled, when Alice handed me my sweatshirt. I reluctantly threw it over my head as she said, "There's a good chance I'm going to fail half my classes this semester because of you."

"What? What did I do?"

She crawled across the bed and came up to me, wrapping her arms around my shoulders and smiling. "You're a distraction, James Potter."

I grinned. "I can't help that I'm irresistible," I teased, kissing her quickly before she had time to respond.

"We're going to be late to practice," she whispered in between kisses.

"Screw practice," I murmured as I brushed my lips against hers. "Let's quit. Who needs Quidditch anyway?"

She pulled back with a laugh. "Oh, I can only imagine how my father would respond. 'Sorry, Daddy, had to quit Quidditch to spend all of my time snogging my boyfriend.'"

"You're smart. You'll make something up," I teased, pulling her back towards me to plant another kiss on her.

She shoved me lightly, attempting to give me a stern look. " _We're going to practice_."

I groaned as she scooted off the bed and made her way towards her closet. She grabbed an old sweatshirt and tossed it over her head, which only made me groan more. "Putting on more clothes is completely the opposite of what I'd rather be doing."

She glanced over her shoulder with a laugh. "I think you might be a bad influence on me, James Potter."

"Yes, bad. Very bad. Let's be bad together," I teased, skipping over to her and wrapping my arms around her shoulders from behind.

She laughed, squeezing my arms tightly and pressing a kiss to the back of my hand. "You just got your Captain's badge back. Maybe you don't find a way to screw it up so soon after."

"If by 'screwing it up,' you mean ditching practice to snog my girlfriend, that's the kind of screwing up I can definitely get on board with."

She laughed again and I had the sudden thought that it might have been the most beautiful noise in the entire world.

Pulling herself out of my embrace, she reached for her trainers and slipped them on. "C'mon, Lover Boy," she said, grabbing the drawstring on my sweatshirt and pulling me towards her. With one last kiss, she said, "Practice awaits."

We sprinted through the hallways and across the grounds, slipping into the clubhouse just a few minutes after practice was intended to start.

"Sorry," I said, pouring into the Gryffindor locker room and taking note of the rest of the team already there. "We were just finishing up our Potions essays and lost track of time."

I received a response full of snorts and eye rolls. "Oh, I'm sure," Fred drawled, his eyes twinkling in amusement. "Nice hickey, AliCat."

She blushed and pulled the hood of her sweatshirt further up her neck with a glare towards my cousin. But I was the one who responded to him. "Nice black eye, Freddo," I drawled. "Things get rough with Carver in a closet somewhere?"

Snickers filled the room but Fred merely growled. "No," he snapped, "I got into nasty fight with that asswipe, Finch."

My eyebrow soared towards my forehead. It was unlike Fred to get into fist fights. That job was usually reserved for me. "Why? What did he do this time?"

It was subtle but I definitely noticed the quick look Fred sent Rose's way, who was suddenly finding the laces on her shoes very interesting. "No reason," he drawled vaguely, "But you may have to adjust the practice schedule this week because I've got detention every night."

"You're a benched player," I pointed out. "Why would I arrange my practices around your schedule?"

Fred blinked. "Oh, yeah. Never mind."

"Now seriously," I urged, my eyes narrowing, "Why'd you fight the guy?"

Fred shrugged while Rose finally chimed in. "Because Fred is a bloody moron, that's why."

"Yeah, you mentioned that about five times today already," Fred shot her way with an unexpected glare.

"Because you got worked up over a bunch of stupid, vicious rumors that weren't yours to defend!" Rose snapped at him.

Evidently hiding out in Alice's room meant missing out on some serious family drama.

"Hold up," I interrupted them. "What rumors?"

More silence filled the room and a glare settled into my expression. " _What bloody rumors_?" I snapped.

Rose growled but answered my question. "You've been in hibernation all day with AliCat so you haven't had the pleasure of hearing the school gossipping about our entire bloody family."

When she said nothing more, I shot her a look. "I'm going to need more information than that."

She rolled her eyes in a very ostentatious way, clearly annoyed by the conversation already. "Just walk into the Great Hall and I'm sure an army of people would be happy to fill you in."

"Or you could," I demanded.

She just glared at me, clearly not taking my suggestion to heart.

I missed the days when I could coerce her into doing anything.

Oh, wait, I was never able to do that with her.

"This about yesterday?" Alice spoke up curiously.

Yesterday?

Rose let out a frustrated grunt. "Yeah," she consented. "Everyone's now chatting about the incredibly nonexistent relationships between Al and Reese and me and Malfoy."

Oh, right.

"Yeah, well, you should have seen that one coming, Rose," I muttered, shooting her a look.

She flipped me off. "I never said I didn't," she huffed, her attention returning to that of Fred. "I don't give a shit about the rumors. But it makes it seem like I do when Fred punches someone over stupid rumors that he knows are wildly untrue!"

She had a point.

"Well, when Callum Finch calls my cousin a gold-digging, fame-hunting, rebel-seeking, death-eater-loving, ever-shallow slag, _I get to defend my family's honor."_

My eyebrows popped way up into my forehead as Rose let out an irritable scowl, but it was Jax who filled the silence. "What honor?" he muttered, mostly to himself. "Seems to me Rose lost any kind of honor she may have had by supposedly shagging the enemy."

My eyes grew wide in horrified panic. "Shit," I blurted out, unaware of the frantic look on Rose's face as she tried to catch my gaze. "Who found out about that?"

The room went silent.

"Found out about what?" Fred demanded.

Well, fuck.

"Uh…"

" _Found out about what, James_?" Fred hissed, pulling himself off the bench.

"Nothing," I practically pleaded. "Never mind."

Not a single person believed me.

" _Hold on one bloody second_ ," Jax seethed, settling a glare so intense on Rose even I felt like cowering. " _You actually shagged Malfoy_?"

Rose squeezed her eyes shut, the shame still evident in her expression. "Thanks for that, James," she muttered sullenly.

Fuck.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

"You said they were just rumors!" Fred snapped at Rose. "You actually slept with that guy? _Have you gone completely mad_?"

Rose's eyes snapped open and the anger there was evident. "Oh, fuck off, Fred," she sneered, "You don't get to judge me when your dick has been in every bloody girl in the goddamned school!"

A rather good point actually.

"Oh, I'm not judging," he groaned, though even I could tell he wasn't convinced of that himself. "I'm just wondering what the hell could have possibly made you that upset or angry that you were desperate enough to shag a guy you can't even stand."

"Like you're one to talk," she snapped at him. "Most of the girls you've hopped into bed with, you never even bothered to learn their names."

"That doesn't mean I can't stand them, it means I just don't care to get to know them," he huffed.

"Oh, like that's any better," she growled.

Another good point.

"How about we don't turn this around on me?" he drawled, shaking his head at her. "What were you thinking?"

"I was thinking I was drunk and it seemed like a good idea at the time," she muttered. "And can we please just change the goddamned subject?"

"Yes please," Hugo muttered, who suddenly looked like he was going to be sick. Understandably so. If I was ever caught in the middle of a discussion regarding my sister's sex life, I'd probably feel—

Wait, no. I refused to go there.

"So are you actually dating him?" Lily questioned Rose, the confusion etched into her expression.

"No!" Rose argued.

"But you did go into Hogsmeade with him yesterday," Jax seethed.

"Only because I didn't want to go alone," she growled, glaring heatedly at her fellow sixth year. "Just like Al and Reese didn't want to be alone. Let's talk about them now, shall we?"

"Talk about what exactly?" Fred grunted. "As far as I'm aware, those two have not shagged each other. They haven't even snogged. You, on the other hand, have been apparently getting busy with the devil himself."

I could see in Rose's expression that she was on the verge of exploding.

Dropping down on to the bench Fred had previously abandoned, she folded her arms defensively across her body and said, in a very irritated tone, "Y'know, I expected this from the rest of the school but I was kinda hoping you guys would be on my side here."

I heard the desperation in her tone and knew that whatever breaking point Rose had, she was definitely close to reaching it. "I'm on your side, kiddo," I said with a hopeful shrug.

She shot me a look. "Says the guy who just told my private business to our entire team."

Oh, right.

"Not on purpose," I murmured.

She met the apology in my gaze and turned away with a sigh. "Why the hell are we still talking about this anyway? Shouldn't we be on that pitch practicing by now?"

Jax slammed his locker shut, his face about seven shades of red, and snarled, "That's where I'll be," before grabbing his broom and storming out of the locker room.

I noticed Rose's face fill with remorse as she watched him go and suddenly, my heart felt burdened by overwhelming guilt for spilling a secret I never had any intention of spilling.

"She's right," I spoke before anyone else could protest. "All of you, get out on that pitch and start warming up."

As they all gathered their brooms and headed towards the door, I grabbed Rose's arm and held her back. "Rose-"

"It's fine," she cut me off.

"I didn't mean-"

"I know."

"I shouldn't have blurted-"

"It's not your fault."

"Will you let me get in a sentence at least?"

Rose glanced up at me and I only then saw the redness in her eyes that made me wonder if she had spent a good portion of the day crying. "I knew what I was getting myself into," she spoke softly, planting herself back down on one of the benches with a swift shake of the head. "I knew people would find a reason to talk about me and Malfoy after yesterday and I went with him anyway."

"So then why did you?" I asked cautiously.

She took a while to respond. "I didn't want to be alone on Valentine's Day and…" she trailed off.

"And?"

She looked up at me and said, "And he was the only one who asked."

I had had a feeling it had something to do with craving company but it still baffled me for I had always assumed Rose preferred the solitude and independence she typically thrived on. "This is going to come out completely wrong," I muttered, "But it's not as if you've ever had a problem being alone before. So why now?"

She didn't seem to take those words as poorly as I thought, her forehead creasing pensively. Glancing up at me, she appeared to be thinking of the right thing to say, eventually settling on, "Valentine's Day has a way of not only messing with everyone's head but their hearts, too. And even though I would love to believe I don't have one of those, apparently I do."

I didn't have to ask her to explain what she meant. We all knew what it was like to get lost in our own heads but when it was your heart involved, it was easy for unexpected desperation to consume every part of you, even the strong and confident type like Rose. Especially when she had to watch the guy she liked spend Valentine's Day with another girl.

This was where I was supposed to say something reassuring but I struggled to find the right words and clearly Rose recognized that for she spoke up before I could even try. "I'm not mad at you, James. You didn't do it on purpose. And it's not like you told the entire school like I had with your secret," she pointed out with a shrug. Hesitating, she said, "Wow, we are really good at unintentionally blurting out secrets."

I cracked a smile. "The Potters and the Weasleys are known for a lot of things, but keeping secrets isn't one of them," I said with a hesitant shrug. "And for the record, I'm sorry."

She met my gaze, slight surprise in her eyes which was not unexpected as apologies were not things I doled out often.

Offering me an appreciative nod, she slowly picked herself off the bench. "It's okay. It's just the Quidditch team and I don't see any of them blabbing it to anyone else," she spoke. She added with a sigh, "Hopefully."

"You are taking this really well considering how good you are at holding grudges," I said in jest.

She shrugged and there was such an indifference to it that it almost made me sad. "Yeah, well, I guess I have quite a few other things on my mind," she muttered solemnly, "So hating you doesn't seem worth my time or energy at the moment."

I gave her a lopsided smile, looking for something I could say to make everything okay for her.

Only, I knew there wasn't.

So I just said, "Well, this is different. Most people thrive on hating me."

She offered me a small chuckle and struck me with the end of her broom. "C'mon, Cappy. Let's get to practice."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"I didn't mean to," Jax spoke softly, his voice trembling, as he hung back from the rest of us.

"Shut up, Bloch," I snapped, kneeling down beside Alice. "Hey, Ace. You okay?"

Alice was currently lying in the grass with her hand planted firmly against what I could only imagine was a throbbing head. She responded to me by letting out a whimpering groan.

I pushed her hair out of her forehead, ignoring the loud pounding of my heart against my ribcage. "I'd really appreciate it if you could say something," I pleaded.

"Hate. Jax."

I heard Fred laughing behind me but was too busy feeling concerned for her well-being to find the humor in the situation. "How many fingers am I holding up?" I asked as I held up my three middle fingers.

She blinked and looked at me. "Er…six."

I frowned.

"I'm kidding," she said, slowly sitting up.

"No, don't," I urged, pushing her shoulder back down. "Take it slow. That was one hell of a nasty hit to the head."

She blinked again and lay her head back down against the grass with a sigh, only then removing her hand. "Does it look bad?" she asked.

An incredibly large purple welt was already forming on her forehead, but all I said was, "You look beautiful."

I ignored the gagging noises behind me, but I didn't ignore Jax when he said, "I'm sorry, I really didn't mean to hit it that hard."

I swiftly pulled myself off the grass and turned on my beater, who scrambled backwards when he saw the epic glare on my face. "Don't fucking lie to me, Bloch," I snapped at him. "I had already warned you _four times_ to stop being so aggressive with your goddamned hits before you seriously hurt someone _on your own team_ and you ignored me every single time. And whatdya know, _someone got hurt_!"

Jax hung his head shamefully and any other time, I probably would have just sent him to the showers and told him to cool off, but my blood was boiling.

I took a threatening step towards him, my eyes filled with rage. "You better pull it together, Bloch, and find a way to deal with your sudden anger issues some other way because I will not allow you to put my team in danger if you keep this up."

"James," Alice said behind me and when I turned around I saw her sitting up. "It was an accident."

I could feel the little control I had in that moment slowly slipping away so I merely turned back to the team and said, "Hit the showers. Practice is over."

Surprise filled their expressions as they all exchanged bewildered looks with one another. "There's still forty minutes left of practice," Cass pointed out.

"Then by all means, practice your tiny little hearts out," I muttered, "But I'm getting Ace to the hospital wing."

"Oh, no, please don't-"

"You're going," I said to her with a warning look.

Alice looked like she wanted to continue arguing but said nothing as she let out a sigh and slowly picked herself off the grass. I rushed to her side and helped her up. When she stood, she winced and her hand flew to her head once again.

"Ow," she groaned.

"C'mon," I said to her, wrapping a protective arm around her shoulders, "You look like you could use a whole vat of painkillers."

She grimaced but nodded.

"Fred, make sure you gather up all of the equipment and lock it back up, alright?" I demanded. "The rest of you, Team Meeting tomorrow night at eight. Don't be late." Without bothering to wait for any responses, I steered Alice towards the exit.

We were halfway back to the castle before Alice spoke. "I think you were a tad harsh on him."

I frowned. "He could have seriously hurt you, Ace."

"It's just a bruise," she argued dismissively.

"That is more than a bruise and you know it," I murmured. "Thank Merlin you were only a few feet off the ground when it hit you or…"

Alice nudged me with her hip. " _I'm fine, Jay_."

I nodded but said nothing. I couldn't stop replaying the moment the bludger rammed into her skull and knocked her off her broom no matter how hard I tried to remove the image from my mind. My heart had stopped. I had frozen in midair. All I could do was watch as the girl I cared for more than anything in the world plummeted to the ground, her piercing shriek filling my ears.

I felt myself shudder at the recent memory and almost forgot that the moment had actually passed until Alice grabbed my arm and stopped short. "Jay, stop," she spoke firmly, coming around to stand in front of me. "You're getting worked up over nothing. _I'm fine_."

I looked down at her and feebly nodded. "I just don't like that he's taking his anger on Rose out on my team," I murmured.

"Yeah, well, if _someone_ hadn't gone and blabbed her extracurricular activities with Malfoy to the entire team, Jax probably wouldn't have had anything to be angry about."

I met her gaze with a groan. "Great, so that lovely welt on your forehead is my fault."

She rolled her eyes. "That's not what I was saying."

I cracked a smile before leaning over and capturing her lips with mine. "C'mon, Ace, let's get you to the hospital wing."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"This is the third bludger to the head this year and none of them occurred in actual matches!"

I looked to Alice who was currently wincing under Madam Clearwater's shrieks. "Well, it's not like I tried getting hit on purpose," she muttered sheepishly.

The nurse rounded on me. "What are you Captains trying to teach your teams?" she growled. "How to take each other out with one swift swing of a bat?"

"Not take each other out, per se," I commented with a shrug, "More like how to hurt the other team as much as you can without actually killing them."

Alice groaned while Madam Clearwater glared at me, pointing to the door. "Out."

"But-"

" _Out_."

"I can't-"

"Out, Mister Potter!"

I pouted, turning to Alice for guidance. "You heard the woman: _out_ ," she smirked.

I did a quick double-take. "You're supposed to want your boyfriend here!" I whined.

"You can come back tomorrow," Madam Clearwater said, cutting Alice off from saying anything.

I frowned. "Tomorrow? She'll still be here tomorrow?"

"Yeah, I'll still be here tomorrow?" Alice groaned.

"Why do I have to remind you all every single time you come through this hospital wing for Quidditch-related injuries of the three-day concussion protocol?" she spoke brusquely.

"You think she has a concussion?" I squeaked, suddenly becoming far more worried than I already was. Getting knocked in the head by a bludger wasn't uncommon but most avoided concussing the players. Concussions had been known to cause severe headaches and blackouts and because of this, they could take a player out of the game for a few weeks if not longer as stress often made the pain worse. I had been out for an entire month before I was cleared to practice when I had received my first (and last) concussion at thirteen.

"I don't know at this time seeing as I have yet to examine her, but whenever anyone gets hit in the head, protocol states you get a stay in the hospital wing for three full days for the monitoring of any concussion symptoms," she dictated.

"Lucky me," Alice muttered to herself.

I leaned over and pressed a kiss to her temple. "You're in good hands," I assured her before glancing back up at the nurse. "Please take good care of her."

"Well, that's kinda my job, so I suppose I can try," the older woman spoke in heavy sarcasm.

I was beginning to think I might actually like that woman.

After another round of insistent scolding, I reluctantly departed the hospital wing and headed back to the Gryffindor Tower. I realized halfway there that I was still clothed in my workout gear, my trainers still tracking mud through the hallways as I loosened my scarf around my neck. After a brief conversation with the Fat Lady, I told her the password and slipped into the Gryffindor common room. I noticed most of the team huddled in the corner of the room together, freshly showered, though Rose and Jax were very noticeably absent.

I dropped on to the floor beside my sister and said, before any of them could ask, "I don't know how she is. Clearwater kicked me out before taking a look at her."

"But she'll be okay, right?" Fred questioned.

I shrugged. "I think so. She seemed lucid and stable and she said she no longer felt dizzy so I took that as a good sign but she'll be stuck in the hospital wing for three days anyway."

"Concussion protocol?" Hugo commented.

I nodded.

"Jax feels terrible," Lily spoke softly.

My gaze hardened almost immediately at the mention of his name. "He should," I spoke coolly. "Where is he anyway?"

The others all exchanged a look before shaking their heads simultaneously. "Dunno," Fred admitted. "He didn't even hit the showers. He and Rose got into a bit of a nasty row in the locker room and he took off towards the castle after you and Alice left."

I let out an irritated grunt. "Maybe putting Rose on the team wasn't such a good idea after all."

"Or maybe Jax and Rose are acting like petulant children and they need to find a way to get over it," Lily huffed.

The way she said that made me think Lily had an idea as to why Jax and Rose seemed to butt heads so much but I decided I had enough gossiping about Rose that I chose to ignore Lily's undertone altogether.

"Y'know what?" I suggested. "Rose has had enough people talking about her today without us adding to it so I say we drop that subject altogether."

"Says the guy who ripped Jax a new one," Fred drawled.

"He deserved it."

The team all exchanged looks but were smart enough to drop the subject and I was more than thrilled when CJ asked Hugo for details regarding his date with Rayne. I barely listened as they spoke, however, as my mind was too busy thinking about Alice.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

It was well after midnight and I was one of three people still in the Gryffindor common room along with a pair of fifth years trying to study up on Charms homework. I paid no attention to them, my mind too busy worrying about Alice and surprisingly enough, Jax, to bother thinking about anything else.

The portrait hole opened up and finally Jax wandered in looking more upset than I could ever remember seeing from him.

"Jax."

He let out a surprised yelp, whirling around and staring in my direction. I could see his entire body tense up when he realized who spoke his name before he reluctantly made his way towards me.

"I'm sorry, James," he pleaded, hanging his head shamefully.

"I know you are," I said dismissively. "So do you want to tell me what's gotten into you or are you going to make me guess?"

He seemed put off by the question for he had clearly been hoping that an apology would be enough.

"It's…" he trailed off, shaking his head. He struggled to find the right words before finally settling on, "I'll fix it."

"How?" I drawled. "When you can't seem to have a conversation with Rose without it resulting in a serious fight."

A mixture of shock and panic took over his entire expression.

"What, am I supposed to assume it's just a coincidence that you injure my girlfriend moments after finding out about my cousin's sex life?" I snorted.

He grimaced at those blunt words. "This isn't about her," he murmured. "Or at least it shouldn't be. This is my issue to deal with."

I wasn't completely convinced.

"Then deal with it," I practically pleaded. "Because if you don't, I'll be forced to replace you on the team and seeing as I don't have a lot of other beater options right now, that is going to make you incredibly unpopular to me."

"I said I'll fix it and I will, alright?" he seethed, the frustration evident in his tone.

I pulled myself off the couch with a growl. "You don't get to be the angry one here, Jax," I hissed. "You put not only my team in danger but my girlfriend, too. She's in a hospital bed right now because of you! And she's going to be there for at least three bloody days. And so help me Merlin, if it's more than that, you're going to be the next person clubbed over the head with a goddamned bludger."

Jax's face paled and he squeezed his eyes shut with a groan. "I said I was sorry," he pleaded. "What more do you want from me?"

" _Figure your shit out_ ," I warned before storming off.

I had a feeling I wouldn't be half as angry as I was had the injured party been anyone other than Alice but that's what Jax gets for messing with the one person in the world whose life meant more to my than my own.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"It's six-thirty in the morning, Mister Potter."

I grinned up at the nurse. "Aw, did someone learn how to tell time overnight?"

Madam Clearwater narrowed her eyes at me. "Do you think teasing me is going to get me to change my mind?"

She made a good point.

"I just want to see her," I pleaded.

"She's sleeping."

"I won't wake her."

"Mister Potter-"

"Please?" I begged, unashamed of my overwhelming desperation. "Don't make me go back to my room. I tossed and turned all night. I'm pretty sure my bed hates me. We're taking a break at the moment, giving each other space. I can't go back there!"

Madam Clearwater's eyes held irritation but I saw the edges of her mouth twitching upward. "She needs rest."

"And I already said I wouldn't wake her."

She sighed before stepping aside. "I'm probably going to regret this," she muttered, pointing to the bed in the far corner.

" _Thank you_ ," I pleaded, skidding into the hospital wing. Hesitating, I turned to the nurse, "How is she?"

"She's fine despite the ghastly bruise on her forehead," Madam Clearwater said with a shrug. "I see no signs of a concussion but before you ask, yes, she will still have to stay here through Wednesday."

I was filled with so much relief that I didn't even care that Alice would be stuck in the hospital wing for another few days.

I thanked the nurse and took off towards Alice. I slipped through the hangings pulled around the bed and dragged the nearby chair over to her bedside. She was curled in a ball on her side, wisps of blonde hair splayed across her face. My gaze immediately sought out the black and purple bruise that took over half of her forehead but if that was the damage she was forced to live with, I considered it a win.

Wanting to reach out, to kiss the bruise and somehow make any pain go away, I somehow refrained for I didn't want to wake her. I dropped into the chair with a small smile on my face, finding such charm in the simplicity of her content look. I've woken up next to Alice numerous times throughout my life but had never really taken the time to look at her slumbering appearance. As I did so now, I couldn't help but note that she looked just as beautiful as she slept as she did when her periwinkle eyes were staring back at me.

"I can feel you staring at me."

I practically jumped as she spoke to me. "You're up rather early this morning," she said, peeking one eye open to smile at me.

"Couldn't sleep."

"Oh?" she said with a teasing smile. "And why not?"

"Oh, no particular reason, just the fact that my girlfriend was forced to spend the night in a hospital wing nursing a possible concussion."

She made a face. "It's not a concussion."

"You don't know that. You're not cleared yet."

She scoffed. "Yes, please remind me how I'll be chained to this bed over the next few days _for no good reason_."

"One, I hardly doubt Clearwater will actually chain you to the bed," I teased but based off the wry look on her face, Alice was hardly in a joking mood so I quickly moved on. "And two, no good reason? Making sure your head won't suddenly split open while wandering down the hallway seems like a rather logical reason to me."

"Okay, but really, what are the odds of that happening?" she groaned.

"I'm not taking any chances with you," I teased, pulling myself off the chair to plant a kiss on her forehead.

I was surprised to see a smile creep on to her lips. "I'm not sure I ever noticed how sweet you could be," she spoke softly.

"That's because I'm a manly man. Manly men are not sweet."

"My manly man is," she teased, scooting over in bed and patting the empty spot beside her. "C'mere."

I didn't hesitate, scrambling off the chair and slowly crawling into bed beside her. I buried my arm underneath her and graciously drew her to my side. "How you feeling, Ace?"

She snuggled up next to me with a smile. "Much better now that you're here."

I kissed the top of her head but she quickly leaned her head back and captured my lips with hers instead.

"Do you think anyone's ever fooled around in the hospital wing before?" I whispered with an impish grin.

She laughed and shoved my chest playfully. "Don't even think about it, James Potter."

I chuckled and stole another kiss from her before resting my head back against the pillow with a smile. "Y'know, I had a lot of plans for us these next few days, none of which included you being in a hospital wing," I said. Hesitating, I added, "None of them included you wearing a shirt either."

She shoved me again but a quiet laugh spilled out. "Good things come to those who wait."

I smirked. "I hope the key word in that statement is 'come.'"

This time, she elbowed me in the side and I let out a hissing groan. "Ow."

"You shush," she chuckled, "Before Madam Clearwater hears you and tells my dad all about your intentions."

"I'm pretty sure he already suspects my intentions," I said with a chuckle.

She looked at me, a sparkle flickering in her eyes. "Oh, and what _are_ your intentions with me, James Potter?"

Very naughty things.

I smiled down at her and instinctively placed a gentle kiss to her temple. "I intend to make you happy in every way I can," I whispered.

She looked up at me in slight surprise before a smile broke out across her face. "Well then, I must admit, so far you are doing a wonderful job at it."

I beamed and let my lips linger against hers, the peacefulness in that early morning moment filling me with an unexpected joy for the little things in life I had never bothered to appreciate before. I wanted to spend every waking moment kissing her and holding her and being with her because there wasn't a single thing in my life that meant more to me than her. I spent a lot of time in the past making mistakes and screwing up and making bad decisions and I was happy that it led me back to Alice in the end, that she never gave up on me and that she was giving me a chance I hardly deserved, and all I wanted to do was prove to her that I was in this for the long haul.

Truth be told, I had never spent so much time kissing a girl without it leading elsewhere. But with her, I felt no rush. With her, I felt as if we had the rest of our lives to explore each other. Every moment with her was one worth cherishing and I wasn't in any hurry to skip to the end. There was no sense of urgency with us, there was just a sense of mutual appreciation, one that I refused to ruin.

" _Ahem_."

I tore my lips off of Alice hastily, my cheeks burning red as I glanced up towards the end of the bed where Alice's father stood with his hands on his hip.

"Good morning, Daddy," Alice with a sheepish grin.

"You are supposed to be resting, young lady," he drawled.

"I was," she said. "Er…and then I wasn't."

He looked less than amused as he settled his gaze on to me. "As the Captain of the Quidditch team, aren't you supposed to dissuade your team from killing their fellow teammates?"

I sighed and nodded. "Yes, though I'm hoping that rule doesn't apply to me killing my beater for being a selfish arse."

"Jay," Alice sighed.

"What?" I said, glancing down at her. "It's true!"

"You're not going to kill him," she said, shaking her head. "I'm fine. Look at me, sitting upright and talking normally. The bludger to my head wasn't nearly as bad as the one to Ryleigh's last month so let's not go overreacting or anything, 'kay?"

"Yes but y'see, Ryleigh's life doesn't matter nearly as much to me as yours does."

"Sounds like you and I are in agreement over one thing," Neville said with a small shake of the head.

" _I. Am. Fine_."

"And I'd feel a heck of a lot more fine if James climbed off that bed of yours."

I winced and reluctantly obliged, taking occupancy of the chair by her bed once again.

"Madam Clearwater said that the bruise on your forehead isn't going to go away for a few days and she mentioned you may find yourself with a lingering headache but otherwise, you appear to be completely healthy," Neville spoke, coming around to the other side of his daughter's bed.

"And yet I'm stuck here until Wednesday," she grumbled.

He grinned and leaned over to press a kiss to her forehead. "You know the drill, honey."

"I hate the drill. We should change the drill. Overthrow it. _Who's with me_?" she whined.

"Sorry," I said, shaking my head. "I'm with your dad on this one."

She growled. "You two are not supposed to gang up on me."

"When it comes to your health and safety, we will always gang up on you," I said with a warm smile.

I noticed Neville looking at me with the faintest hint of a smile on his face. Maybe he didn't completely hate me after all.

"I'm _fine_ ," she whimpered but she was clearly aware that she wasn't going to win this argument.

"I'd believe that a hell of a lot more if you weren't lying in a hospital bed," Neville drawled, his gaze flickering over to where I sat.

I frowned and met the concern in his gaze. "I already warned Jax to figure his shit—er, _stuff_ out or he'd be in for a very rude awakening. Don't know how much good it will actually do but I'm keeping a close eye on it."

Neville seemed satisfied with that answer as he offered me a single nod. "Let me know if you need help with anything. I know that as Captain, you prefer to take things on yourself but I am your Head of Household. I'm here to offer advice and assist with anything the team may need."

I met the sincerity in his stare and nodded in return. "I'll be sure to remember that," I spoke genuinely. With a stifled yawn, I pulled myself out of the chair. "I should probably shower before breakfast or I will smell up the entire Great Hall. I'll be back after lunch and don't worry, I'll bring you your homework assignments," I added, hesitating before leaning over to plant a kiss on Alice's forehead.

"To bring me my homework assignments means you'll have to pay attention in class," she pointed out.

I hesitated. "Okay, so I'll get the homework assignments from Dash and then bring them to you."

Neville rolled his eyes but Alice merely laughed.

With a grin, I winked at her and headed out.

I was halfway to the door when I heard Neville say, "Please tell me he wasn't here all night."

"Right, like Madam Clearwater would have allowed that?"

I chuckled to myself before exiting.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I tried paying attention in class but my thoughts kept wandering to the glaringly absent Alice. I felt much better and far less panicked now that Madam Clearwater assumed a concussion was off the table but I couldn't help but wonder how to bring back cohesion to a team that always seemed to have its fill of typical teenager drama. It was easy to tell everyone to leave it off the Quidditch pitch but I was a perfect example of someone who hadn't been able to do that himself so it made me a complete hypocrite to think that everyone else could do it with a snap of the fingers.

I hoped that my brief conversation with Jax the night before was enough to question his actions and recent antagonism but I recalled a time I had been pleaded with to fix my less-than-ideal situations where a fix didn't readily occur. I just hoped Jax was a better person, and teammate, than I had been at the time.

As I wandered out of Potions without my usual partner in crime, I ran into rather unexpected company.

"I hear Alice is in the hospital wing."

Hesitating, I turned around to the sound of my brother's voice. "Yeah" was my brief response.

"She okay?"

"What's it to you?" I spoke bluntly.

He rolled his eyes. "It was just a question," he huffed before hoisting his bag further up his shoulder and turning away.

Against my better judgment, I stopped him. "Hey, Al?"

He paused and turned back around. "What?"

"You know Rose," I prodded leadingly.

He stared at me. "My cousin who evidently enjoys getting busy with my best friend in random closets?" he drawled. "Yeah, I think I know her."

I somehow suppressed the urge to roll my eyes. "What's your take on her and Jax?"

He blinked in surprise. "What?" was his immediate reaction.

I shrugged, saying nothing.

Curiosity etched its way into his expression. "Why are you asking?"

"Why aren't you answering?"

He rolled his eyes. "Because I don't know what's going on," he said bluntly.

"Bull," I responded. "She tells you everything."

He hesitated. "Yeah, and even though I'm not exactly speaking with her at the moment, she still expects me to keep her secrets," he drawled. "And just because the rest of the Weasley and Potter clan can't manage to keep their mouths shut doesn't mean I'm looking to follow suit."

I ignored the slight towards our family since he was, in fact, not wrong.

Though apparently keeping secrets was just one more thing that Albus seemed to be better at than me.

"Aha, so Rose _is_ keeping secrets where Jax is involved?" I urged.

Albus sighed. "I'm not answering that."

"You not answering pretty much answers for you."

Albus shot me a look, one filled with a whole lot of irritation. "Why do you even care?" he hissed. "Is this all because of your precious Quidditch team? Still trying to figure out how to bring peace to all? Good luck with that. Rose isn't exactly Jax's biggest fan right now and from what I can see, he isn't exactly hers either."

"Yes, and the overarching question of the week, maybe even the year, is _why_ when they never seemed to have these issues before."

Albus hesitated, which told me he knew the answer to the age ol' question of why. But I wasn't at all surprised when he simply said, "I'm not answering that either."

"Well, then, you've proven to be completely useless to me."

Albus glared at me. "I have enough to deal with when it comes to Rose that I hardly think adding her issues with Jax to my plate is worthwhile," he seethed before storming off.

"Maybe if you just let her live her life without trying to control it, you wouldn't have so much to deal with!" I snapped.

I was not at all surprised when he flipped me off and kept going.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I skipped dinner that night to spend time with Alice in the hospital wing, who evidently didn't appreciate it nearly as much as I would have thought.

"You don't have to spend all of your time with me," she said when I greeted her with a kiss.

"As your boyfriend, I feel like I should be taking offense to that," I mused, dropping on to the empty chair beside her bed.

She chuckled. "I just mean I know you probably have a lot on your plate right now what with trying to get your Quidditch team back on track and-"

"And are you not a member of said Quidditch team?"

"I'm not one of the members you should be worried about."

"You're lying in a hospital bed," I drawled. "Believe me when I say, I get to be worried."

She seemed flattered by that but only for a moment. "Any chance you could sneak me out of this hospital bed?" she said with a hopeful grin. "I'm going mad. Really, I am. I had an entire conversation with myself earlier today about whether to work on Potions or Herbology revisions."

I glanced down at the sketchpad in her hands. "That doesn't look like Potions _or_ Herbology to me."

"I got bored!" she whined. "This place messes with your mind, I tell you. _It messes with your mind_."

"Has anyone ever told you that you have a real flair for the dramatics?"

"Don't make me throw my pencil at you."

I chuckled and reached for the sketchpad, flipping through it until I landed on one particular sketch. A nostalgic smile crept on to my lips as I recognized the unfinished drawing of me with my eyes closed. Looking at the emblem on the shirt she had drawn, it was specifically a drawing of me with my eyes closed from the prior morning.

"I thought you had wanted more sleep yesterday morning," I accused with a smile.

"I couldn't help it," she said sheepishly. "You're incredibly adorable when you're sleeping."

"I'm incredibly adorable at all times," I said with a wink and before she could argue with me, I pulled myself off the chair and leaned over to kiss her.

Her eyes sparkled as our lips met. "Cocky, too," she smirked in between kisses, grabbing my tie and pulling me closer to her. Her lips teasing mine, she added, "Y'know, we could be having a lot more fun with this if we were back in my own room and not in the hospital wing."

That very comment had my mind running through many randy scenarios.

"I'm not sneaking you out of the hospital wing," I laughed, returning to my chair.

"What kind of boyfriend are you!?" she said with a fake gasp.

"The kind that cares a great deal for your health."

She let out an exasperated sigh. "Not the answer I was looking for."

"Yes, I apologize for caring, dear."

"If you cared about my mental health, you'd sneak me out of here," she whined.

I suppressed the urge to laugh. "I care more about your physical health."

"Oh, is that all I am to you? Good looks?" she said, the edges of her lips curling upward.

"You could be balding with warts growing all over your body and you'd still be the most beautiful girl in the world."

Her eyes met mine in awe, a grateful smile peeking out. "I hate when you say things like that."

My eyebrow popped up. "Did you want me to call you ugly instead?"

She laughed. "No, but when you say such sweet things it makes it harder for me to hate you for not bailing me out of this joint."

I grinned sheepishly. "Oh, well in that case, you're not only beautiful but gorgeous and stunning, too. You have pretty eyes and your smile can brighten up a room and-"

"Alright, Romeo," she interrupted with a laugh. "Don't you have a Team Meeting you should be getting to?"

I glanced at my watch and sighed. "Yeah," I spoke reluctantly. "I guess I should be going."

"Take me with you!"

Laughing, I pressed a kiss to her forehead before then capturing her lips with mine. "No can do, babe."

She fell back against her pillow with a sigh. "Fine, fine," she grumbled, "But only because you called me babe."

I smirked. "Just wait until you're out of this hospital wing and it's only the two of us. I have quite a few things I'd love to call you."

Her eyes lit up. "Oh yeah? Like what?"

I winked at her. "Wouldn't you like to know, _babe_."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Fred and I were lounging around the Clock Tower that night waiting for the rest of the team to show up to the Team Meeting. Fred was lying flat on his back with his eyes closed while I took my usual spot perched on the window ledge.

"How's AliCat?"

I glanced down at my cousin, whose eyes were still shut even as he asked the question. "Bored," I said with a shrug. "She begged me to sneak her out of the hospital wing tonight."

He cracked an eye open, a grin on his face. "Wicked. What are you thinking? Dig a tunnel underneath the hospital wing and smuggle her out? Climb through the heating vents? Render Madam Clearwater unconscious?"

"I was more thinking of not doing anything."

Fred blinked. "That sounds incredibly anti-climactic."

I chuckled. "She's not cleared of a concussion yet."

He sat up with a roll of the eyes. "Oh, please, the only reason she's not cleared yet is because our school made up that ridiculous three-day waiting policy decades ago and they refuse to modernize it to fit new-age medicine."

My eyebrow popped up. "You seem to have very strong feelings towards our school's adopted concussion protocol."

"Because it's dumb to lock up a person in a hospital wing for three days when the signs are pointing to a clean bill of health within the first few hours."

I leaned back against the windowframe with a curious smile. "Oh yeah? And exactly how did you feel about this so-called dumb and ridiculous policy when your own girlfriend was in the hospital wing with a head injury?"

He hesitated. "Then again, it's better to be safe than sorry."

I laughed at him and gestured for him to toss me a brownie.

"So," Fred spoke in an unusually serious tone, "Were you ever going to tell me about Rose shagging Devil Boy?"

Ah. I was wondering when that might come up.

"It wasn't my secret to tell, Fred."

"When has that stopped you before?" he drawled.

He had a point.

"I just figured that that was information that was much better left unsaid," I said with a curt shrug.

He said nothing, his eyes dripping with curiosity. Eventually, a sigh escaped and his head back to shake back and forth as if in irritation. "I fucking hate Malfoy."

"I know."

"I want to bash his bloody head in."

"I know."

"She deserves so much better than that guy."

"I know."

"He shouldn't be using her like this."

"I know."

"She shouldn't be using him."

"I know."

"I really hate-"

"Fred," I said softly. " _I know_."

He looked at me, a defeated frown seeping into his frustrated expression. Sighing, he said, "We can't do anything to him, can we."

Unfortunately, no.

I slowly shook my head. "I think this is something that Rose has to deal with on her own."

Fred met my gaze in slight surprise. "I think AliCat is turning you into an old softie."

I rolled my eyes. "There's nothing to protect Rose from this time, Fred," I pointed out. "She already shagged the guy and beating him into a bloody pulp isn't going to change the rumors going around school. And if anyone can handle it, it's Rose. She's by far the strongest Weasley in the family."

Fred's eyebrow arched. "Uh, ouch?"

I shot him a look. "Do you not agree?"

"Oh, no, I totally do. That girl has the hardest shell out of anyone I know."

Couldn't argue with him there.

Seconds passed and CJ and Lily soon strolled in hand-in-hand together. I wondered if it was a sign of maturity that I didn't want to immediately bash his head in.

"Heard you got into a battle of words with Al today," Lily greeted me as she reached for a cookie and popped a piece into her mouth.

I felt Fred's surprised eyes on me. "I would hardly call it a battle of words," I drawled. "We were just having a conversation."

"A conversation between you and Al _is_ always a battle of words," Fred spoke with a smirk.

I chucked a half-eaten brownie at him. "I was just trying to get some insight."

"On what?" was the simultaneous response from my cousin and my sister.

I only shook my head. "It doesn't matter. I didn't get what I was hoping for."

They both seemed like they wanted to interrogate me further so I was grateful when the rest of the team started to trickle in. All except for Jax.

I glanced around the group in slight irritation when five minutes had passed and said, "Anyone know where Jax is?"

Silence followed and I grunted, turning my gaze on to Rose. "Rose?"

She either didn't hear me or she was ignoring me, her rather sad and dejected gaze finding an odd sort of interest in a cracked floor stone.

" _Rose_ ," I barked.

She nearly jumped, shooting me a wary look. "What?" she drawled.

I sighed. "Do you know where Jax is?"

The sadness in her eyes quickly turned into resentment. "How the hell should I know?" she snapped.

"Uh, because you're in the same year as he," I snapped right back, in no mood to deal with any attitude.

"So?" she drawled.

Was she trying to test my patience? If she was, she was doing an excellent job at it,

"What do you mean 'so?'" I barked. "So you would have been forced to have some sort of contact with him today, that's _so_."

Her eyes held mine for only a moment before she turned away, the sadness once again restored. "No, I really haven't," she muttered with a frown. "I haven't seen him at all today."

I didn't have time for her or Jax's games and I made sure she knew it. "Don't lie to me," I growled. "You had a handful of classes with him today so you had to have seen him throughout the day."

I could have sworn I saw a trace of guilt in her eyes as she took her sweet time answering. "It's not a lie," she spoke softly. "He wasn't in class today."

I felt an unexpected chill run down the course of my spine as I stared at what appeared to be a very distraught cousin. "Oh" was all I could think of to say.

She seemed to think that required a response so she shrugged and said, "Yeah."

The tension in the Clock Tower didn't go unnoticed as I dared to look over at the rest of my team, all of whom looked just as surprised and wary at Rose's news about Jax's sudden disappearance.

"Um," I said, clearing my throat as I tried to gather my thoughts, "Okay, well, we may as well get started without him I guess."

"Er…question?" CJ said, clearing his throat. "Isn't missing one of these Team Meetings a reason to be benched?"

I glanced towards the fourth year hesitantly. "Usually, yes."

"And aren't we already down one beater?" he continued.

My team was seriously falling apart.

I sighed and glanced towards Rose. "Looks like you might be filling in for beater until we figure out what the hell is going on with Jax. Take notes."

She was too busy staring out the window to hear me.

" _Rose_ ," I barked.

She jumped, glancing towards me irritably. "What?"

"We're down two beaters. You might have to fill in for Jax."

Her eyebrow popped up. "Come again?"

"You heard me."[

She frowned. "I'm hardly beater material."

"Oh, I have total faith in you," I said, waving my hand dismissively. "You have more pent-up frustration than anyone I know."

She looked at me and while I was fully expecting another argument out of her, she merely shrugged. "Fine," she muttered before returning her gaze towards the window.

This was going to be a really long Team Meeting.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Fred and I separated from the team in order to head off to the hospital wing. Fred hadn't been able to apparently get away to pay a visit all day and felt guilty about it, and even though I had dropped in on Alice multiple times that day already, I wasn't about to pass up another chance to see her.

"You really going to bench Jax?"

I frowned, glancing at the concern in Fred's expression. "Well, missing a Team Meeting isn't like missing a practice. He can get away with missing one as long as his excuse is good."

Fred hesitated. "And if it's not just one?"

Then Jax was going to be a very dead man.

"Let's not go there yet," I sighed.

I was in denial and Fred's wary expression told me he was picking up on that. But he didn't question it, instead changing the subject. "What is up with him anyway?" he said curiously. "I've never seen him get so worked up before."

Rose Weasley, that's what was up with him.

But Fred's question was rhetorical so thankfully I didn't have to answer, nor would I have even if Fred was expecting an answer.

We had reached the hospital wing and when I pushed the doors open, I noticed another set of curtains shielding a bed opposite Alice that she appeared to be staring at very intently.

"Ahem," I said, stepping into Alice's line of sight, who flinched and stared up at me.

"Oh, hey," she said with a nod. "Didn't hear you come in."

"Yes, you seem quite preoccupied with the resident of the bed opposite yours," Fred commented curiously. "Is that the guy you're cheating on James with?"

I smacked Fred in the shoulder with a scowl.

"Believe me, I am not cheating on James with Malfoy," Alice drawled, rolling her eyes.

Fred and I exchanged a look. "Malfoy?" we spoke in unison.

She nodded. "The one and only," she said with a shrug. "He came in here with the help of Reese and Logan."

That piqued my interest. "He needed help?"

"His leg was bent in a not-so-great angle," she explained.

"What happened?" I asked.

An entirely different female voice answered. "Your goddamned brother, that's what."

Whirling around, I met an intense rage in Reese's eyes. "Well, don't look at me like that," I huffed. "I didn't make him do anything."

Though I couldn't help but wonder if my earlier conversation with him didn't help matters.

"He rammed into Scorpius at fullspeed and knocked him off his broom from nearly thirty feet in the air," Reese explained.

 _Ouch_.

"He rammed into his beater?" I questioned curiously. "Last I checked, Quidditch players are supposed to _avoid_ the beaters. Al isn't all that great at Quidditch if he's doing the complete opposite."

Based on the glare in her expression, she was in no mood for my jokes. "Your brother is acting like a pompous asshole," she snapped. "Must run in your family."

I ignored Fred's laugh as I glared back at the Slytherin. "How did this become my fault?"

Reese responded with a grunt. "Your brother is out of control."

"Tell that to him, not me!"

She sighed, an underlying grief in the brief reaction. "I tried," she muttered. "He won't listen to me. He won't listen to any of us."

She seemed genuinely disheartened by that, which both confused and intrigued me, but all I could do was growl and say, "And what am I supposed to do about that?"

"Yeah, seems to me if he's down with wiping out his team singlehandedly, we have no reason to stop him," Fred said with a cheeky smirk.

The smirk quickly faded when Reese sent him a nasty glare. "I don't appreciate your family messing with mine," she snarled as she turned on her heel to walk away.

"Oh, right, because watching my cousin get slaughtered by her own classmates and made out to be some kind of rebellious harlot has been so fun for me to watch!" I called after her.

She stopped, and even from behind I could tell my words got to her. "Rose isn't a harlot," she spoke softly, turning around to face us once again. "She and Scorpius are old enough to make their own decisions, however stupid they may be."

"Yeah, well, tell that to the rest of the school," I muttered.

She frowned and met my gaze, the frustration in her gaze matching mine almost identically.

"I'm trying to wrap my head around why your brother seems to care so much about what Rose and Scorpius are going," she spoke curiously, changing the subject abruptly.

I hesitated before responding. "I don't think Al cares too much about _what_ they're doing," I corrected. "Just that they're doing it together."

Reese looked at me and offered me a slight nod. "So he's jealous."

My eyebrow shot up. "I don't think he wants to get with Rose if that's what you're insinuating," I drawled sarcastically. Hesitating, I added, "Or Scorpius, though that seems more likely."

Fred snickered and Alice groaned behind me. I had almost forgotten that they were there.

"No, you complete and utter twat," Reese drawled, "He's jealous that their spending time together is eating into time that could be spent with him. He doesn't have a girlfriend to distract himself with anymore and he's probably feeling a bit insecure because of it. No wonder he asked me what I was doing this past Saturday. He was just looking for any kind of company."

I detected a serious amount of bitterness in her tone. "I'm sure that's not true," I argued even though I was hardly an expert on the thoughts and actions of my brother.

"I'm sure it is," she muttered and once again, I could have sworn she felt disheartened by that. "Though evidently the school seems to think differently."

I said the same thing to her that I did to Rose. "You had to have seen that coming, Baby Girl," I drawled. "You don't go into Hogsmeade on Valentine's Day with a guy you don't often spend all that much time alone with and not expect a few people to have something to say about it."

"I don't care what people say about it," she was quick to respond and I sensed sincerity in her tone. "I care that it's affecting my Quidditch team."

I shared a look with Fred and then Alice, all of us clearly just as confused as the other.

Turning back to Reese, I said, "I thought Al and Scorpius were the problem on your Quidditch team, not you."

"Kat seems to think otherwise."

If I was confused before, it was nothing compared to what I felt now.

" _Kat_?" was the simultaneous response that fell from the three of us Gryffindors.

Reese's lips pursed. "I don't know why I'm telling you any of this. None of it matters. If your brother doesn't get his act together, we may as well just forfeit now."

Hey, that didn't sound half bad.

"As much as I'd love to blame everything on Al, it's not just him," I pointed out hesitantly. "It's Rose, too. There are two people currently in the hospital wing indirectly related to her drama."

Reese and Alice both seemed to agree with my statement as they slowly nodded. Fred, on the other hand, looked far from understanding. "What are you talking about?" he questioned. "What does Jax ramming a bludger into Alice's face have to do with Rose?"

Uh-oh, how I was going to get out of this one?

Looking over at the two girls for some sort of help, Alice responded with, "You'd have to be blind not to notice their ongoing feud."

Fred's eyes narrowed and I knew he wasn't buying her vague retort. "He's always been a bit hotheaded when it came to her but it's not like it's resulted in him injuring our team before."

"Maybe it finally boiled over," I suggested.

"Maybe there's something you're not telling me," Fred shot back.

"Maybe you're wrong."

"Maybe _you_ are."

"Are all guys this blind?" Reese interrupted with a loud grunt. " _Bloch likes Rose, you dim-witted moron_."

Fred blinked once and then again before moving his eyes back and forth between myself and Reese. He was clearly trying to piece the jigsaw puzzle together but was missing a few pieces. "He has a girlfriend," he commented hesitantly.

I seemed to always forget that minor detail.

"Yeah, well, most guys I know don't take out one of their players just for the fun of it," Reese drawled. "The fact that the entire school was chatting it up about Rose and Malfoy's so-called relationship the day of Alice's lovely injury is no coincidence."

Fred glanced over at myself and Alice, both of us who were looking unapologetic at the Slytherin's comment. The jigsaw puzzle appeared to be coming together for him. "Well, I'm floored," he said, blinking in surprise. "And you two knew about this?"

"More like assumed," Alice said with a shrug.

I felt Fred's eyes on me and suddenly felt both uncomfortable and awkward. In desperate need for a subject change, I turned to Reese and asked, "How's Malfoy?"

I was not at all surprised by the looks of skepticism I received from the other three. "You care how my cousin is doing?" Reese drawled.

"Not really, I'm just looking for a subject change."

"Oh, shall we return to the subject of your arse of a brother then?"

Well, that backfired.

"Arse, hm? I thought you were friends with the guy, Miss I Went Into Hogsmeade With Him on Valentine's Day and Yet Everyone Is Talking About Rose And Malfoy, Not Me."

That earned me three identical blank looks of incomprehension.

Reese's eyebrow peeked into her forehead. "I thought we already decided he only did that because he had no one else to go with."

"No, _you_ decided that," I argued. "I decided no such thing."

"Because you're such an expert on your brother's comings and goings."

It was clear there was nothing left for me to say or do in the present company so I desperately glanced towards the door. "Well, on that note," I drawled, leaning over to kiss Alice's forehead with a small smile, "I think it's time I plan my escape. Tootles."

I dashed towards the exit before Reese could say anything more about my brother, and with a laugh, Fred duly followed.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"So Jax and Rose, hm?"

I sighed. "Oh, I am so done talking about them."

"Looking back, it should have been fairly obvious," Fred mused. "It's a classic case of being-a-straight-up-dickhead-to-the-girl-you-like-as-a-backwards-way-of-trying-to-get-their-attention."

My eyebrow popped up. "Except he's sixteen, not _six_."

Fred shrugged. "No one has ever said that boys are mature."

Good point.

"And what do you think Greengrass meant about Lexington being the cause of some drama on their team?"

A very good question.

"I am wondering that myself, mate," I murmured as headed up the stairwell to our bedroom. Pushing open the door, both Fred and I halted in the doorway at the unexpected sight of Rose rifling through my desk.

"Uh, did we somehow end up in the girls' dorm, Jameso?" Fred spoke up, clearing his throat.

Rose jumped and whirled around. "Shit," she swore. "Er…hi."

My eyes narrowed. "What are you doing here?" I drawled.

"I could ask you the same question."

"Not really. I live here."

She hesitated. "I could ask you a different question."

Normally, I would have thought that was a clever remark but I was hardly finding amusement out of my cousin going through my stuff. "And I'm going to ask you my original question again," I scoffed. "What are you doing in our bedroom, Rose?"

She stuffed her hands in her pockets in a rather un-Rose way, timid and nervous, and took her time before answering in an unexpected soft murmur, "I need to find him."

There was little context in the rather simple sentence but I somehow knew she was referring to Jax.

With a sigh, I said, "Well, I don't think you're going to find him in my desk drawer."

There was the slightest bit of irritation in her eyes but otherwise her expression remained rather grim. "I know about the Map."

I shared a look with Fred who looked just as surprised as I did. "Everyone knows about the Map," I said vaguely. "We heard stories about it from Dad and Uncle George growing up."

There was now definite irritation in her expression as she glared at me. "I meant, I know you have it."

Damn.

I could have faked innocence but it wouldn't have done any good, so I instead said, "Who told you?"

"Hugo overheard your dad telling our father a few years back that he was certain you somehow got your hands on it."

"Hugo has a big mouth."

"James," she pleaded. "Can't you just tell me where it is?"

"Don't give it to her. It's a trap," Fred said.

I shot Fred a look over my shoulder before traipsing over to my bed and dropping on to the edge of it, all while Rose's eyes followed me in obvious desperation. "I don't know if you know this, Rose, but you don't exactly have a good track record when it comes to talking to Jax like a civil human being."

Ignoring Fred's snickers, she glared at me. "Tell that to him! He's the one being a whiny, brooding arse," she snapped.

"Way to prove my point."

She glared at me. "I don't even know what the hell his problem is," she seethed. "It's not like the entire bloody school is talking about _him_ behind his back! Why does he get to be the brooding one? If anyone should want to disappear for a day, it should be me!"

I neglected to point out that his problem was he found out the girl he probably has feelings for, feelings that even though he was determined to avoid were still very much there, had shagged someone else.

"Are you intentionally being obtuse?" Fred drawled.

Says the guy who was just as obtuse twenty minutes earlier.

"I'm probably going to regret asking this," she grumbled, "But what the hell is that supposed to mean?"

Fred shared a look with me and I merely shrugged. I knew what Fred wanted to say and frankly, I had no qualms about keeping it quiet anymore.

Glancing back towards Rose, Fred said, "You don't find it odd that minutes after he hears that your so-called shag sessions with Malfoy aren't so so-called after all, he goes on a bloody rampage on the pitch?"

Rose looked surprised for only a second before anger flooded her senses once again. "No, he doesn't get to be pissed about that," she barked, an unexpected softness resting in her eyes, though her tone said completely otherwise. "We had our moment and he was the one who decided it didn't mean anything. _He was the one who walked away_."

That silenced both me and Fred as we stared at our cousin in hesitant bewilderment.

"Uh," Fred eventually said, clearing his throat, "What exactly do you mean by 'we had our moment?'"

"What exactly do you mean by 'he was the one who decided it didn't mean anything' mean?" I urged.

"And what exactly do you mean by 'he was the one who walked away?'" Fred demanded.

There was definite panic in our cousin's face as she realized the critical error she made. She opened her mouth to clarify but the words wouldn't form. Instead, her face turned a deep shade of red and her eyes began to flit around in a wild and guilty manner.

And suddenly, it all made sense. Why they got along one year and didn't the next. Why Rose refused to admit her feelings to Jax. Why Jax felt annoyed when he heard about Rose shagging Scorpius. Why they liked each other but refused to believe it.

"Holy hell," I hissed. " _You slept with Jax_?"

Rose's face turned an even darker shade of red as she let out a moan and shut her eyes tightly, falling on to Dash's empty bed in defeat.

"I'M GOING TO KILL HIM!" Fred barked when Rose's silence confirmed my suspicions.

"I'M GOING TO HELP!" I scowled.

"Stop," Rose pleaded in a rather small voice. "I don't need you guys to come to my rescue, especially not seven months after the fact. Yes, I slept with Jax and no, I don't want to talk about it."

"What the hell were you thinking?" I groaned.

"I was thinking I liked him," she grumbled. " _And I don't want to talk about it_!"

"When did this even happen?" Fred growled.

She shot him a rather irritated glare. "James' summer kickoff party, and have I mentioned yet that _I don't want to talk about it?"_

I glanced over at Fred. "Ah, the night Freddo here slept with Hattie."

"The night you were off sleeping with Fiona Jordan!" he retaliated.

Rose rolled her eyes. "So evidently none of the Peasleys know how to keep it in their pants."

I sent her a look as a shudder ran down the length of my spine. I couldn't tell if the chill was due to the nature of the conversation or if I just felt sympathy for Rose, but I found myself looking over at her and wondering if perhaps I understood her now more than ever. For I knew all too well what it was like to get smacked in the face with unexpected feelings and try to do everything possible to ignore them.

For the record, ignoring them never really worked all that well.

"In case it wasn't clear already," I muttered, "You have the worst taste in guys, Rose."

She scowled at me. "Last I checked, you _liked_ Jax."

"That was before I found out he defiled our cousin!"

I ducked as Dash's pillow came soaring at my head. "Well, as lovely as this little family reunion has been," she drawled, pulling herself off the bed, "Where is that Map of yours, James?"

"Right, like I'm going to trust you alone with Jax ever again," I drawled.

"He has a girlfriend," she spoke flatly.

Oh. Right.

"Yeah, and why is that?" I questioned more out of curiosity than anything. "Shouldn't you two crazy kids have gotten together over the summer?"

Her eyes darkened. "He decided it was a drunken mistake," she spoke through gritted teeth and though she was showcasing anger, I saw so much insecurity underneath it. "Map. Now."

Okay, now I was _really_ going to kill Jackson Bloch.

"I'm not giving you the Map, Rose," I said firmly, shaking my head. "Jax clearly needed a day to unwind and I'm thinking that you could probably use one, too."

"In other words, you're going to use the Map to find Jax yourself and kill him."

She knew me well.

"I'm not going to find Jax and kill him," I argued. "But no good can come out of any conversation you two might have right now. He's already in a mood, you're clearly on your way to being in one, and every time you guys try to talk to each other, you wind up hating each other more. Perhaps you two could use some serious cooling off time. _Apart_."

She glared at me. "Hey, remember when I just said I didn't need you to protect me, James? I know this will go in one ear and out the other, _but I can take care of myself_."

"Says the girl sleeping her way through the sixth years."

Okay, yes, in hindsight, that was _not_ the right thing to say.

She didn't even try to hide the hurt in her eyes as she gaped at me. She said nothing at first, the betrayal in her eyes doing all of the talking. "You are such a fucking prick sometimes, James," she seethed before she hastily shoved past Fred and stormed out the door.

Fred watched her go before turning towards me with a frown. "Now, I hate the very idea of her whoring it up with these guys who are evidently in no way good enough for her," he drawled, "But I think you might have taken it just a bit too far."

I sighed. "Yeah," I murmured. "I know."

Awkward silence filled the room before Fred spoke again. "Well, now that we got that out of the way," he said in a dismissive tone, "When you told Rose that we weren't going to find Jax and kill him, you were totally lying, right?"

"Absolutely."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

We saw Jax hanging around the Astronomy Tower rooftop so Fred and I took off in that direction. When we wound up the extremely steep and winding stairs, we stepped out on to the rooftop and took notice of him leaning against the balcony railing, his gaze staring our towards Hogsmeade in the far distance.

"Hey, Jax," I drawled, Fred coming up behind me.

He slowly turned around to face us, a defeated frown seeping into his already sunken expression. "How'd you find me?" he sighed.

We creepily stalked you on a Map.

No, we did not say that.

"Have you been here all day?" Fred questioned curiously, shivering as the cold air seeped into his extremities.

He merely shrugged.

"Jax-"

"Please don't," he muttered, shaking his head. "I don't know what you're going to say but whatever it is, just don't, because I'm really not in the mood to talk, hence why I chose the last place on Earth I thought anyone would look for me."

"We'll leave you alone," Fred said in a clipped tone, "But first, we just have one question for you."

That was my cue. "Shagged any of our cousins recently?" I spoke coolly.

The shock flooded to Jax's eyes as he stared at us with a sense of dread. "How…"

"Rose let it slip," I drawled.

He frowned, the dread evident in his face. But he said nothing, slowly turning his back on us once again as he returned his gaze towards the village.

"Seriously?" Fred scoffed. "You have nothing to say to that?"

There was a long pause before he bothered to respond. "I already said I wasn't in the mood to talk."

"Fine, then we'll talk, you listen," Fred scoffed. "All this time, I thought you might actually be one of the only people in the world not related to Rose who genuinely cared about her but you just had to prove me wrong, didn't you?"

I jumped in. "You were supposed to be one of the good guys, one of the people that saw through her stubborn act. But you are just as much an arse as everyone else is the way you used Rose like the piece of shit you apparently are. I actually thought I felt bad for you, but-"

"I never used Rose," he cut me off.

Both Fred and I responded with simultaneous laughs. "You slept with her and then told her it was a drunken mistake!" Fred hissed. " _Sounds like you used her to me_."

Silence followed before Jax slowly turned around, the shock and confusion evident in his grey eyes. "Is that what she told you?"

"Yeah, that's what she told us," I sneered.

His expression was nearly devoid of all feeling as he glanced back and forth between us, the overwhelming defeat dancing across his sunken eyes. "Yeah, we were drunk at the time," he muttered. "Really drunk. But I wasn't the one who used the word 'mistake.' She was."

When he didn't elaborate, I growled and said, "Yeah, you're going to have to give us more than that unless you're okay with the two of us throwing your arse off this Tower in thirty seconds."

He looked like he wasn't sure he wanted to share but considering the alternative was plummeting to his death, he let out a sigh and began to explain. "I stopped by her house the day after it happened. I felt like I had taken advantage of her or something and I was feeling really guilty about it because it's not like I ever considered Rose to be the type to randomly sleep with some guy after a few drinks so I said I was sorry for the way things happened and…" he trailed off with a small shake of the head.

" _And_?" Fred urged.

He frowned. "And I guess she assumed that that meant we should chalk it up to a drunken mistake and so that's what she told me. I took that to mean she wished it hadn't happened, and she did not seem very happy with me at the time, so all I said was okay because I thought that's what she wanted me to say," he murmured. "And that was it. I walked away and she let me and then the next few times we saw each other, she decided to be her usual hotheaded self, only this time she was acting that way with me. And that was that. We never spoke of it again."

I mulled this over, suspecting that Jax was most likely relaying an accurate representation of the truth. Knowing Rose, she had assumed it would be better to put an end to things before they could even begin for vulnerability was not an emotion she dealt well with.

Hell, none of the people in our family dealt with that well.

I exchanged a look with Fred whose initial anger and frustration had morphed into understanding. Clearly, he felt the same way about the situation that I did.

"What you're saying makes sense," I admitted before shrugging, "But we still have to kill you."

He didn't seem terribly surprised by that. "I know," he muttered before offering me a defeated sigh. "For the record, I'm sorry for taking my frustrations with Rose out on AliCat."

Hello, random segue.

"That's not why I'm killing you," I scoffed.

He nodded. "I know," he murmured, "But she's the only one I can apologize for right now."

Fred and I shared another look. "Because you don't know how to apologize for what happened between you and Rose or because you don't want to?" Fred questioned.

Jax let out a lengthy sigh as he considered those words carefully. "I'm not sorry for what happened," he admitted in a hesitant mutter. "I'm just sorry how it happened."

It dawned on me quickly what he was saying. "So you like her," I spoke bluntly.

Surprise flickered in the beater's eyes as he met my gaze, though he remained silent.

Fred smirked. "Well, I'll be damned. I never thought anyone outside our family could ever like our fiery little Rose."

He shrugged and stared at his feet. "Yeah, she's fiery and intense and intimidating and as I already pointed out, quite hotheaded, but she's also smart as hell and witty and her sarcasm is endearing and I like that she doesn't take shit from anyone and she knows how to stand up for herself and even though she doesn't use it often, she has this really pretty smile, and she's insanely beautiful even if she can't see it herself and she puts on this front of being tough but she has this incredibly big heart that she only offers to a select few so I feel lucky that I've gotten to see that side of her and she believes in following the rules but even she's okay bending them once and a while if it means enjoying just being young for a bit and she's funny even when she's being mean and I tried not liking her, I really did because I thought she had made it pretty clear that she can't stand me, at least not anymore, but I can't stop thinking about her and it's driving me absolutely mad."

It amazed me how one person could see so much good inside a girl who tried so desperately to hide any good inside of her.

I smiled.

And then I frowned.

"Okay, one bloody question," I growled. " _Why the hell are you dating Laikyn if you have feelings for my cousin_?"

Jax grimaced. "Oh, gee, I don't know, why'd you shag Kenley when you had feelings for your best friend?"

I hesitated, realizing that trying to find an interest in someone else to avoid seeing what was inside our hearts was something the male gender clearly excelled at. "Alright, that's actually a really good point."

"No, it's not," Fred groaned. "You can't just use Laikyn like that, mate. C'mon, you're better than that."

"I know," he muttered, running his fingers through his hair, "Which is why I broke up with her."

"You did?" I said.

"You did?" Fred asked.

"You did?"

That third voice was far too female for it to come out of any of our months.

We all whirled around and adorned three sets of identical widened eyes as Rose stepped out from the shadows of the doorway.

"I told you I thought I heard someone following us in the hallway," Fred muttered towards me.

"Shh," I hushed him. "Let's see how this one plays out."

"Rose," Jax choked out, his face turning an alarming color of white. "How much did you…" He couldn't even get out the rest of his question.

She met his gaze. "All of it."

Panic enveloped Jax's expression. "Oh" was all he could muster.

Silence filled the room, the tension growing by the minute as the two of them just stared at each other. I was getting rather impatient and was a few seconds away from telling them they were both idiots when Rose silenced me.

"Did you mean it?" she asked softly.

He could have asked what part she was referring to exactly, but clearly he realized it didn't matter. She wanted to know if he meant all of it, everything he said, and Jax shuffled his feet and stared at the ground in hesitant embarrassment, the look on his face one of pensive confusion as he tried to figure out how to best respond.

"Well?" she pleaded desperately. "Did you?"

He shut his eyes for a moment, for just a few brief seconds, and I could see the panic and the embarrassment in the small action. But all of that was gone when he opened his eyes and lifted his gaze towards her, a newfound determination suddenly overtaking his expression. "I meant every word, Rose."

The shock flooded to Rose's brown eyes as her trembling lips parted and her cheeks flushed. The unpredictability in his comment flustered her as she opened her mouth and closed it a few times, resembling that of a fish. She looked confused and yet wary, her eyes doing a bit of a dance between so many conflicting emotions, and Jax just stared at her, never once looking away.

Taking a deep breath in and exhaling slowly, she eventually choked out, "I thought you hated me."

Jax shrugged. "It was easier pretending I hated you when I thought you hated me."

"I didn't," she quickly replied. "I don't."

When she said nothing more, Jax frowned. "You don't?"

She slowly shook her head.

He looked like he didn't know what he was supposed to say so he just said, "Okay."

When they said nothing more, I found myself letting out a rather irritated groan. "Oh, for Merlin's sake, _she likes you, too, Jax_."

Jax and Rose looked alarmed for a moment which made me think they probably forgot Fred and I were still standing there. "Don't you have anywhere else to be?" Rose hissed, her eyes holding a great deal of warning.

"No, not really," I smirked.

Ignoring me completely, Jax said to Rose with confusion in his voice, "I thought you said we were just a drunken mistake."

"Because I assumed that's what you thought," she huffed.

"I only let myself think that because I assumed that's what you thought," he retaliated.

"Well, it's not like you argued with me when I said it," she huffed.

"Because I assumed you believed it!"

Okay, this was getting borderline ridiculous.

"Well, I didn't!"

"You didn't?"

"No."

"Neither did I."

"Really?"

"Really."

"So you actually liked me?"

"Yes."

"But you dated Laikyn."

"Because I didn't think you liked me."

"I did."

"Really?"

"Really."

Did I say borderline ridiculous? I meant downright ridiculous.

"For the love of all things Gryffindor, would you just kiss the girl already?" I groaned.

That earned me two identical glares from the sixth years.

"What?" I said as Fred held in a laugh beside me. "Don't look at me like that! It's clear you guys are interested in one another and since I am hardly looking to stand here all night as you continue to go back and forth while the temperature drops and we all wind up with frostbite because you two numbskulls can't seem to-"

"James," Jax interrupted with a firm glare. "Kindly shut up."

"Yeah?" I taunted. "And why should I?"

Jax frowned, stealing a glance towards Rose who was staring back at him with a rather curious look in her eyes, before he shrugged and said, "So that I can kiss your goddamned cousin, _that's_ why."

Rose looked surprised for a half second but didn't have much time to react as Jax strode over to her and smashed his lips against hers.

Another happy ending for a Peasley.

"Gross," Fred muttered.

I glanced over at Rose and Jax and made a face. "Oh, ew."

"Why are we still standing here?"

"I haven't a damned clue."

"We should go."

"We should definitely go."

After all, our work here was done.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

 **A/N** : Yes, I realize that that was heavily Rose & Jax. But there were also adorable James and Alice moments, too! And for those who want more smut, you'll get your wish in the next chapter.


	28. Wanted

**A/N:** I'll admit, this is somewhat of a filler chapter but you get some fun James-Alice moments so I can't imagine any of you will be too upset with me.

* * *

 **A WAY WITH WORDS**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 28: Wanted

" _You know I'd fall apart without you  
I don't know how you do what you do  
'Cause everything that don't make sense about me  
Makes sense when I'm with you  
Like everything that's green, girl, I need you  
But it's more than one and one makes two  
Put aside the math and the logic of it  
_ _You gotta know you're wanted too  
'Cause I wanna wrap you up  
Wanna kiss your lips  
I wanna make you feel wanted  
And I wanna call you mine  
Wanna hold your hand forever  
And never let you forget it  
Yeah, I wanna make you feel wanted."  
_-Hunter Hayes

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"Jax and Rose are dating."

Alice glanced up from her hospital bed as I strolled into the hospital wing early the next morning, but it was another voice that spoke up.

"About damned time."

I turned my gaze on to the bed opposite Alice. "So glad you approve, Malfoy," I drawled, pausing at the foot of his bed with my arms folded across my body.

He shrugged, his gaze turning towards the ceiling in a rather pensive way. "She deserves to be happy."

I could have sworn I detected some actual disappointment in his tone though it was masked by gratification. "That sounded far too considerate to be coming out of your mouth."

Scorpius rolled his eyes, albeit halfheartedly. "I know she and I have had our differences, much like the differences I've had with several of your family members, you included, but when I dug below the surface a bit, I came to realize that while Rose Weasley would prefer the world to think that she's dead inside, she's actually quite the opposite."

I was both impressed and annoyed at Scorpius' rather accurate depiction of my cousin for even though Rose might have preferred to keep her heart hidden, that didn't mean that it didn't exist.

"So, what, you shag her a few times and you suddenly think you know her?" I blurted out more out of curiosity than anything.

Scorpius' mouth parted at those blunt words, his cheeks turning an amusing shade of pink. "You..." he trailed off, shaking his head a bit. "You know about that?"

"She told me," I drawled, "So you should feel lucky that all you're dealing with right now is a bum leg."

He frowned, surreptitiously chewing on the inside of his lip as hesitant thoughts took over. "Does Al know?" he asked softly.

"If he knew, you'd be dealing with a hell of a lot more right now than a bum leg," I grunted, my eyes narrowing in warning.

Scorpius met my gaze with a single nod. "For the record," he muttered, "It wasn't a couple of times. It was one time. And it probably shouldn't have happened at all."

I tried to figure out what he could mean by those words but came up blank.

"You saying my cousin isn't good enough for you, Slytherin?" I accused.

I heard Alice groan behind me and only then did I remember that she was even there.

Shock and irritation flickered in Scorpius' dark eyes. "Quite the opposite actually," he muttered. "I'm the one who wasn't ever good enough for her because I was never the one she wanted. And even though we were both using each other for our own selfish reasons, I think perhaps one of us got a bit more caught up in it than the other one."

My eyes narrowed at his somewhat mournful words. "Yeah? And which one of you was that?"

He just shrugged. "Doesn't matter now, does it."

It shouldn't. And yet my curiosity got the better of me.

"Do you fancy my cousin, Malfoy?"

There was a curious chuckle from behind me but I just focused on the rather stunned look on the boy in front of me. "No," he said perhaps too quickly and too bitterly.

"Then please tell me why you thought it was a good idea to ask her to Hogsmeade on Valentine's Day."

He rolled his eyes. "You really want my sad and pathetic woe-is-me story, Potter?" he scoffed.

No.

"I asked, didn't I?"

The defensiveness in his eyes slowly faded into reluctance before he began to speak. "In case you haven't noticed, my only really friend in this school is Al and he decided to go off and ignore me for a while," he drawled. "So I asked the only other person in the school who was paying me any attention."

It wasn't a bad explanation but I still think he made a very stupid decision. "Next time, ask the lake squid."

"Jay," Alice groaned, though I detected a hint of laughter in her tone.

"Next time, I'll have to," Scorpius growled. "Seeing as evidently Rose is in a relationship with someone else."

"Yeah, could we get back to that for a second?" Alice finally spoke up and I finally turned my attention on to her. "Because last I heard, Jax was very much dating a girl that was definitely not Rose."

"Oh, yeah, he broke up with Laikyn," I said dismissively.

"And then hopped into a relationship with Rose?"

"Oh, no, he disappeared for the whole day first."

"And yet still managed to get together with Rose?"

"Oh, right, well, Fred and I went to kill him and Rose followed and she overheard some stuff and then they talked and they were kissing and now they're dating."

She blinked. "Why were you and Fred going to kill him?"

"Oh, yeah, because he slept with Rose back in July."

Alice stared at me. "You're stuck in a hospital bed for twenty-four hours and suddenly, you're completely out of touch with the rest of the world," she said with a wistful sigh.

I grinned sheepishly before planting a quick kiss to her forehead and dropping into the chair beside her bed. "Hey, I'm just hoping this will put their bickering matches to a halt."

"This is Rose and Jax we're talking about here. You really think they'll stop bickering just because they're dating?"

She made a good point.

I sighed. "Well, maybe instead of storming off at the end of these quarrels, they'll just snog and make up."

Which was suddenly not a mental image I appreciated one bit.

"Rose is rather good at snogging someone just to stop an argument from getting really heated," Scorpius commented.

I turned to him sharply with a glare. "Yeah, if you could refrain from talking about my cousin's snogging habits, that would be much appreciated."

Scorpius smirked. "Tell that to Jax."

I let out a small shudder as a sudden realization struck me. "Bloody hell," I swore. "Another cousin of mine is off the market? How did I let this happen?"

"Well, it would help if your cousins didn't make up half the school," Scorpius drawled.

I glared at him again. I was getting very good at that. "Exaggerate much?"

"Nah, he's right, they totally make up half the school," Alice said with a shrug

I rolled my eyes but a quiet chuckle escaped nonetheless. "Well at least everything is finally good with our Quidditch team," I said with a smile. "For now anyway."

Scorpius' voice rang out. "Dammit, it was fun watching you guys go up in flames."

I shot him a look. "Hey, this means that things will most likely go back to normal with your Quidditch team, too."

Scorpius blinked. "How do you figure?"

"Well, with Rose and Jax together, you won't be snogging her behind my brother's back anymore which should therefore make him like you again."

Scorpius frowned, saying nothing at first. When he did, I almost felt sympathy for him. "I hope so," he muttered, a rush of sadness crashing over him.

Frowning, I changed the subject. "Unless of course Kat Lexington continues to invite drama on to your pitch," I said curiously, mostly in search for answers.

Scorpius' eyebrow popped up. "You heard about that, hm?" he murmured to himself. "Though it seems you got that backwards. Al was the one stirring up trouble with her at practice, not the other way around."

That still gave me no answers whatsoever.

"How?" I questioned.

"Don't know," he drawled. "Don't care."

Can't say I completely disagreed with him there.

Dismissing him with a mere grunt, I turned to face my girlfriend, who looked rather amused that I was having an actual conversation with the unrefined Slytherin. "How you feeling, Ace?"

"As well as can be expected from lying in a hospital bed all day and night," she said with a shrug. "But Malfoy is actually quite the conversationalist so it hasn't been too bad."

"Oy, don't you go making friends with the enemy," I scowled.

"I can hear you, y'know!"

"Well, I said it loud," I snapped back at him.

Alice tried to hide a smile. "So, with Rose and Jax making things right with each other, does this mean that we might be finally done with all the Peasley drama for the year?"

One could only hope.

"Shh," I said with a grimace, "Let's not jinx it."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I wasn't planning on having a conversation with my brother regarding his aggression towards Scorpius on the pitch but when I came across him in the hallway later that day, the opportunity to do so was staring me in the face.

He had turned one corner and I was turning another when we literally collided, the both of us teetering backwards as I clutched my chin and my brother clutched his forehead.

" _Ow_ ," Albus groaned.

"Ow is fucking right," I scoffed, wincing as a shooting pain jolted through my jaw. "You have a really hard head."

"You have a really hard chin!"

I winced again but removed my hand, glancing at my brother hesitantly. "So I hear you've been prone to sending your beaters to the hospital wing."

Albus shrugged. "He needed to be knocked around a bit."

"Hey, I am all for you sending your players to the hospital wing. Hell, send them all. Preferably right before our match. But do you honestly think sending Malfoy to the hospital wing is going to solve your problems with him and Rose?"

Albus glared at me, expectedly so. "What's with you repeatedly butting your nose into my business all of a sudden?" he growled.

A bloody damned good question.

"Normally, I wouldn't give a shit," I drawled irritably, "But I've been privy to hanging out with Rose quite a bit lately and it's rather unnerving. She's cheeky and verbally abusive and has an inclination towards insults and frankly, there's only room for one of us to be that way and I called dibs long ago, so she has to go."

Albus stared at me as if he couldn't believe we were having this conversation.

For the record, I couldn't believe it either.

"Actually," he drawled, "I'm pretty sure _Rose_ called dibs on that long ago. You only seemed to call dibs on that roughly six years ago."

I did not like that accusation one bit but if he thought I was going to comment on it, he was sorely mistaken.

"She still has to go," I growled. "So can you forgive her already so you can get her off my back?"

"I forgave her once for sneaking around with Malfoy and she went and did it again. And then I forgave her _again_ and what do you know, _she did it a third time_."

"So what?" I snapped at him. "For the love of Merlin and all of his illegitimate children, _why do you care so much what the two of them are doing_?"

"Why do you care so much that I care so much?" he growled.

I glared over at him for the sole reason that he unfortunately asked a good question.

"Because it's unlike you to hold a grudge, Al," I drawled eventually. "That's usually my department."

He appeared annoyed by that answer. "Oh, sure, and if you do it then no one else is allowed to touch it with a ten-foot pole. Because you have the monopoly on all things brooding, is that it?"

I gaped at him. " _What_?"

"Nothing," he growled irritably. "I'm not holding a grudge. I just think the both of them are playing with fire right now and I'm afraid to find out which one is going to get burned."

Still confused by his prior words, I nearly missed the concern in Albus' face. It almost sounded like he wasn't angry with them, just worried. "How are they playing with fire?" I dared to ask.

Albus looked up at me and I could tell I was finally wearing him down. Whether he wanted to tell me, or whether he just wanted to tell someone, he finally blurted out, "Those two can't start dating. They just…can't. It's not fair to either one of them."

My eyebrow popped up. "Do you honestly believe that they want to date each other?" I sighed. "That's not what any of this has been about."

"If Scorpius gets his way, it might be."

Those words made my head spin.

And yet, when I thought of Scorpius' reaction earlier in the hospital wing, I wondered if perhaps Albus was making some sense.

"You think he likes her," I said bluntly.

Albus met my gaze, saying nothing. But he didn't have to. I saw the wariness in his eyes that confirmed my suspicions.

"Well," I said, clearing my throat, "I can't say I saw that coming."

"She deserves better," Albus practically pleaded. "And frankly, so does he. She shouldn't settle for Scorpius and Scorpius shouldn't be okay with being second best. And I'm not looking to be their second best either, or third best or whatever best we're on at this point. So I bowed out. That seemed far better than dealing with their issues when I have enough of my own to deal with."

I wondered what issues he had of his own but I didn't ask. I just knew that what he was saying was finally making some sense to me. Both about Rose and Scorpius' intentions with one another and his insecurities regarding his place in their hearts. I knew all too well what it was like to feel discarded or inferior, abandoned even, by the people who are supposed to care about you and support you when you need them most.

Ironically, my inferiority complex was partly due to Albus.

But I wasn't about to tell him that.

"Well, you'll be happy to know that Rose isn't settling for Malfoy," I spoke with a mere shrug. "Seeing as she and Jax got together last night."

His mouth parted, the silence becoming rather discomforting as it dangled anxiously in the air between us. "Rose and Jax?"

I nodded.

"That's…" he trailed off, searching for the right word. "Wow."

I nodded again.

"Rose is terrible at expressing feelings," he mused. "How the hell did she manage to stop yelling at Jax long enough to tell him she liked him?"

I wasn't surprised that Albus had clearly known about Rose's feelings for Jax. If I were to venture a guess, I'd say he probably knew about their little one-night tryst over the summer, too. Rose and Al were best friends after all and had long promised to tell each other everything. "Ask her yourself," I suggested.

He frowned. "Mm."

That was not the response I was looking for. "That's it? 'Mm?'"

He shrugged. "Guess whatever fun she was having with Scorpius is over now."

"I would say so."

Albus looked to be thinking about something before he once again shrugged. "Good."

I rolled my eyes. "Just please tell me you're going to talk to Rose and Malfoy because your team is on the verge of staging a mutiny against you and—wait, actually, that doesn't sound half-bad."

Albus glared at me. "And now it's officially time for me to walk away."

He tried to but I didn't let him. "Although, from what I hear, perhaps you're the one trying to stage a mutiny against your cheating ex-girlfriend."

Albus froze halfway down the hallway and turned around, the panic evident in his expression. "Who…" he trailed off, shaking his head frantically. "Who told you that?"

"You're not denying it," I said, stating the obvious. "So does that mean it might be true?"

"Was it Reese? Hattie?" he asked through gritted teeth.

And because I always enjoyed making his blood boil, I couldn't help but say, "Malfoy actually."

It was like his expression went through a waterfall of emotions in a span of thirty seconds, from anger to confusion to fear to relief to misery until it finally settled on guilt. And it was that last one that intrigued me most of all.

"Kat's a manipulative bitch," Al muttered.

My eyebrow shot way up at the harsh and unexpected insult. "Yes," I said warily, "I believe we've all been saying that for weeks now."

Albus met my gaze, but only for a moment, before he frowned and said, "Looks like we finally agree on something." And without another word, he took off down the hallway.

Guess that was the end of that conversation.

Unable to help myself, I called after him, "Please say you'll talk to Rose and Malfoy!"

He responded by flipping me off.

Which meant there was a fifty-fifty chance of him listening to me.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

My brother was nowhere to be found at dinner that night as I strolled up to the Slytherin table. It was loud and crowded so I wasn't surprised that Reese hadn't seen me walking towards her until I tapped her on the shoulder.

Abandoning her conversation with Logan, she looked up at me with a quirked eyebrow. "Did you forget where the Gryffindor table was, Potter?"

I ignored the stifled laughter of the Slytherins around her and rolled my eyes. "I'm thinking that your problems with your Captain may be coming to an end. Just thought you might like the heads-up."

I turned to walk away but of course it couldn't be that easy. "He made up with Scorpius and Rose?"

"I don't know," I said with a shrug. "But seeing as there is no more Scorpius and Rose, it certainly makes it easier for him to forgive them."

Reese's eyebrow popped up. "There's no more Scorpius and Rose? Isn't that what they said the last few times? Y'know, right before they snogged again?"

I shrugged again. "Yeah, but it's really over now seeing as Rose is dating Jax."

Reese wasn't the only one surprised by that news. Several Slytherins broke out into shocked gasps. "No freaking way," the all too familiar voice of Kat Lexington spoke up. "Rose and _Jax_?"

The fact that I didn't throttle her for daring to speak to me just goes to show that I do have some self-control.

"That's what I said, isn't it," I snapped at her. "If your eyesight is as poor as your hearing, we'll have no problem beating you next month."

She rolled her eyes at me but she was saved from having to respond when Reese chimed in. "So let me get this straight," Reese said with a hint of a smirk, "For a team who always alleged that inner-team dating is a distracting conflict of interest, you now officially have six of your nine members in a relationship with each other?"

I blinked. Well, shit.

"Uh, yeah, sounds about right," I said, clearing my throat sheepishly.

"Not to mention another team member breaking the Code rules by dating a Hufflepuff chaser," Logan pointed out.

I shot the other fifth year a look as their entire table erupted into laughter.

Okay, but seriously, how the hell did I let this happen?

Scowling at them all, I simply said, "Alright, so we're a team of a bunch of horny teenagers. Doesn't mean we won't crush you on the pitch next month."

"We'll see about that," Reese huffed.

"Yes, we will, Baby Girl," I smirked, reaching over to ruffle her blonde hair. She yelled at me and I just laughed before taking off towards the Gryffindor table.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Rose's personal life became worldwide knowledge that Wednesday morning thanks to the _Daily Prophet_.

 **Rose Weasley and a Love Triangle Gone Wrong**

"It's not a love triangle!" Rose screeched as she tore up the paper in her hands. " _And it didn't go wrong at all_."

"I know, dear," Jax said with a hint of a smile on his face as he watched the rage in Rose's eyes grow with every piece of the paper she shredded.

"It actually went pretty right," she pouted.

"I know, dear," Jax said with a chuckle as he leaned over and pressed a kiss to her cheek.

Kill me now.

"Ew, could you possibly steer clear of your mushy tendencies until I'm not around?" I groaned.

Jax laughed but Rose merely rolled her eyes. "If AliCat were here, you'd be partaking in your own mushy tendencies."

Probably true.

"What did the article say?" Fred asked as he shoveled eggs into his mouth.

" _Nothing worth repeating,_ " Rose snapped at him.

"Apparently Rose has been seeing the rebellious son of a Death Eater and the choir boy behind each other's backs for months now," I answered.

"Which isn't even true!" Rose screeched.

"I know, dea—hold up, choir boy?" Jax scoffed. " _I am hardly a choir boy_!"

"Compared to Scorpius Malfoy, you are," I smirked.

"I don't even sing!" he groaned.

"We know. We've heard you in the shower before, mate," Fred chimed in.

Jax shot him a look. "Why is the bloody _Prophet_ so interested in the love lives of the Golden Trio's offspring anyway? How is that news? Why does anybody bloody care?"

"It's not news," Rose grumbled rather angrily. "And as for why anybody cares, I'd like to know the answer to that one myself."

"You're just pissed because this is the first time your name has been dragged through the mud," Fred commented with a shrug. "The rest of us are used to it. The _Prophet_ has been splashing photos of my many drunken hookups throughout their society pages since I was old enough to walk."

"The _Prophet_ has been calling me a wild and untamable skirt-chaser for years," I said.

"My parents learned I was smoking cigarettes from a _Prophet_ article. Got reamed out for that one for days."

"My parents found out I lost my virginity from the _Prophet_ ," I muttered. "My dad threw a box of condoms at me and Mum couldn't look at me for a whole month."

That rubbish organization that pretends to be a news outlet told the world that I lost my precious V-card to a blonde slut who had slept her way through the entire school, including a professor whose teaching license has been since revoked.

They had been incredibly misguided.

She was brunette.

"Alright, I get it," Rose growled, folding her arms across her body. "I was a good girl and now apparently I'm not, but-"

"Oh, Rosie, you were never a good girl," Fred smirked, ducking as she flung her spoon at his head.

"You're right, she wasn't, but the _Prophet_ certainly depicted her as one," I corrected with a mere shrug. "She was the studious prefect whose grades far surpassed any of ours, she was never known for getting into trouble, her best friend was my wholesome and angelic brother, and she was painted as a perfect little saint who made the Weasley name proud."

"And then she dated a Death Eater-loving rebel in Malfoy," Fred smirked.

" _I never dated him_."

"Tell that to the _Prophet_ ," I smirked. "In their words, 'Rose Weasley's morals are now severely in question as she tried to hide her clandestine relationship with the Death Eater's son from the public eye.'"

"Oh, great, you've memorized the bloody article?" Rose growled.

I could see a hint of a smile on Jax's face as he reached over and rubbed Rose's back. "Calm down, Rose," he urged. "It's just a stupid article, none of which any of us actually care much about. So some journalist hag is painting you out to be a two-timing slag. So what? If you ask me, she did you a favor."

I was very curious where he was going with this.

Rose's eyebrow pointed straight up into her forehead. "They did me a favor by turning me into a two-timing slag?" she drawled, the irritation in her tone very evident. "I must ask, how the hell do you figure that one?"

He shrugged, a smirk slowly appearing on his face. "Because now you don't have to pretend to be a saint," he grinned. "You can now be as bad as you want to be without fearing what the press might say."

She looked at him, her expression very much muted, before a rather suggestive smirk appeared on her face. "Oh, and how bad do you want me to be, Jax?" she asked coyly.

He leaned over and whispered, "How about we head out and I'll show you?"

"Ew," I said loudly.

"Gross," Fred whined.

"Cousins sitting right here."

"Cousins with ears sitting right here."

Rose shot us an annoyed look while Jax rolled his eyes. "Wouldn't you rather I whisper suggestive things in your cousin's ear than be fighting with her still?"

I contemplated the question. "At least when you were fighting with her, there was less likelihood of me upchucking my breakfast all over the Great Hall," I drawled.

Fred offered a vigorous nod in agreement but evidently Jax and Rose thought the proper response was to roll their eyes in unison.

Oh, God. They were doing things in unison now.

What was the world coming to?

"Well, get ready to upchuck your breakfast because I'm about to lean over and kiss your cousin," Jax grinned and while Fred and I let out simultaneous groans, Rose merely laughed and let Jax offer her a quick kiss on the lips.

Fred and I went back to mocking the two of them, while they mostly just laughed or rolled their eyes, but I tuned them all out when I noticed my brother walk into the Great Hall. He stood stationary in the doorway, a frown on his face, before slowly making his way over to, strangely enough, the Gryffindor table.

He stopped right in front of us, his eyes on Rose, and said, "I read the article. Personally, I think it makes Jax sound far more charming than he is."

"Thanks, mate," Jax drawled.

I noticed the rigid frown on Rose's face as she looked up from her breakfast to meet the apology in Albus' eyes. "What do you want, Al?"

He sighed. "To talk to you."

"That's funny, I was under the impression that you preferred not talking to me."

He shuffled his feet, another sigh escaping. "I know. It was petty of me and I'm sorry that I-"

"You're only sorry because things are finally going the way you want them to," she snapped at him. "I'm with Jax, there is no me and Malfoy anymore, and therefore, you're happy. But I don't need someone in my life who only wants to be my friend when it's somehow convenient for them. So feel free to go make up with Scorpius because I'm not interested."

Ouch.

The look on Albus' face was one of regretful guilt. "I spoke to Scorpius already," he muttered. "He had the same take on it that you do, only he eventually forgave me."

"Yeah, well, evidently I'm a bitch so I suppose that makes me less forgiving than others."

"Rose, I know I didn't handle things well, but-"

"Don't. Just...don't bother wasting your breath," she spoke coolly. "There's nothing you can say or do that'll change my mind at the moment so don't even-"

"I slept with Kat."

Awkward silence filled our table before I let out a strangled grunt. "Kat Kat? Kat Lexington Kat? Kat, your cheating ex-girlfriend who broke your heart, Kat?" I snapped.

Albus' cheeks turned a faint shade of scarlet. "That would be the one," he muttered.

Well, it's official. My brother is fucking insane.

"Have you gone mad, Al?" Rose roared, her face growing with disgust. "Have you completely lost your freaking mind?"

"Probably," he muttered.

"I swear to Merlin if you're about to tell me that the two of you got back together, I will smack the living shit out of you!" she screeched.

"No," he practically pleaded, shaking his head. "It was stupid. Really stupid. It was Valentine's Day and I went into Hogsmeade with Reese thinking that at least I had someone to go with but she wasn't exactly on board with my sulky attitude so that left me pretty much alone for the dreadful holiday and then everyone was talking about how they saw you and Malfoy together and did I mention it was Valentine's Day and I just felt-"

"Lonely?" Rose muttered.

Albus met her gaze. "I guess, yeah."

Rose frowned, the frustration in her eyes giving way to an unexpected understanding, one I only recognized because she had informed me just a few days earlier that the only reason she spent any time with Malfoy on Valentine's Day was because she, too, was feeling lonely.

"Malfoy and I weren't anything," she spoke softly.

He nodded. "I know, I just…I guess I got jealous," he muttered, clearly having trouble admitting that.

"Of me and _Malfoy_?" Rose groaned.

"No," he murmured, shaking his head. "Of you having someone to distract you from everything else going on when I no longer had that."

No longer had that.

Was he implying that he was using Kat to distract him from everything else that was going on? And if so, what was that 'everything else' referring to?

She frowned. "You did have that. You had that in me."

"It felt like you were choosing him over me and I didn't like where that might lead," he explained.

She shot him a rather annoyed look. "You were the one who forced us to make a choice."

Why were they still having this conversation around us?

Not that I minded. Made eavesdropping easier when I didn't exactly have to hide it.

He sighed. "I don't' exactly have a ton of people in my life," he murmured. Hesitating, he said, "Well, no, the problem is I have too many people in my life but I'm not close to any of them. I only had you and Scorpius and then Kat came into my life and suddenly I had this girl in my life who wanted to get to know _me_. Not the me in the papers or the me everyone thinks I am. I felt safe with her. I felt free. And when I no longer had that, I just wanted to find a way to get it back. Not with her but with you and with Scorpius but at that point, you two were involved with each other and I just felt like an outsider and I was afraid the two of you would wind up dating each other, mostly just to spite one another and not because you had actual feelings, and you two deserved better that that, and ultimately I'd be the one caught in the middle and I didn't want that. Not again. I've felt cast aside and inferior and I've been stuck in the middle of too many fights and grudges in the past and I just couldn't do it with you two."

We were all gaping at him, the long and yet somewhat vague speech not something that any of us saw coming.

Meanwhile, I couldn't help but wonder what he meant when he said he felt cast aside and inferior and stuck in the middle in his past when, from where I was standing, he was the guy who had always been standing on top of a very lofty pedestal and had never seemed to mind before.

Rose was the first one to speak. "You couldn't have just said that from the beginning?" she sighed.

"Er, well, yeah, I should have," he muttered. "Not my shining moment I suppose."

She sighed as silence enveloped them. I snuck a peek towards Fred, both of us wondering how this might end. It was Fred who broke the silence by saying, "I assumed your not-shining moment would have been sleeping with your bitch of an ex-girlfriend."

That earned him two simultaneous glares from my brother and cousin but Fred just grinned sheepishly.

Rose glanced back up at Albus with a wary shrug. "I mean, he's not wrong."

Fred looked floored. "I'm not?"

Albus sighed. "No, you're not," he muttered. "I've pretty much been beating myself over it ever since it happened. Took a chapter out of Jax's book by taking my aggression out on my team."

Ah, and suddenly the answer to what drama had sparked up between Al and Kat on the pitch has finally been answered.

Rose sighed, a hesitant frown seeping into her reluctant expression. "I suppose I understand where you're coming from," she murmured, glancing over at Jax curiously. "Valentine's Day has a real way with messing with your head."

Albus met her hesitant gaze. "And your heart."

Rose frowned. "I'm still mad at you."

"I know. I deserve it."

She looked up at him and then sighed. "But I guess if your only other option for some company at the moment is your whore of an ex-girlfriend, it would be wrong of me to deprive you of my friendship."

Albus glanced at her with an amused expression while the rest of us doubled over in laughter.

"I am sorry, Rose," Albus spoke over the sound of our laughter.

"I know," she said with a shrug. "Now, c'mon, join us for breakfast while we come up with all the ways we can set fire to the _Prophet_ headquarters."

He blinked. "Are there other ways besides fiendfyre?"

She grinned. "Genius."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I was pleased to see that Scorpius was no longer occupying a hospital bed when I wandered into the hospital wing that evening. Couldn't risk Alice making friends with our Quidditch rivals, not to mention a rival from off the pitch as well.

"It's unfair," she pouted, folding her arms across her body with a childish pout. "How come he gets to leave after less than twenty-four hours and I'm still bloody stuck in this stupid hospital bed?"

"He just had a broken bone," I chuckled. "Easily mendable."

"Two broken bones," she grumbled. "Albus really did a number on him."

"Good for him," I teased.

She rolled her eyes. "Don't get so excited. He came in here earlier practically groveling on his knees for Scorpius' forgiveness and the latter gave it to him."

"Yeah, I know," I sighed. "Rose and Al are back to talking to each other again, too."

Alice's eyebrow popped up. "Seriously? I thought she'd hold on to that grudge for at least another month or two."

I explained to her Albus' less-than-sensible judgment with his ex-girlfriend the night of Valentine's Day and how that somehow led to Rose forgiving her cousin.

"Oh, Al," she moaned. "No, no, no. I thought he was supposed to be the smart one in your family."

"Hey!"

She looked at me.

"Okay, fine, you're not wrong," I said sheepishly. Glancing around the room, I noticed that not only were all the other beds empty but it appeared that the nurse was missing, too. "Where's Clearwater?"

"According to Rudy, a brawl broke out in the Transfiguration courtyard amongst a bunch of jealous fifth-year Hufflepuffs. Clearwater's tending to them now."

I wasn't sure what to comment on first but eventually settled on, "Why was Frankel here?"

She rolled her eyes. "Because we are having a very hot and heavy clandestine affair behind your back and we made good use of this hospital bed."

I gaped at her. "Oy, you'll fool around with him in your hospital bed but not with me?"

"I love that that's what you got out of what I said."

I grinned and gestured for her to move over so I could join her.

"We are not fooling around in this bed, Jay."

Dammit.

"I'm not looking to fool around," I laughed and then gestured for her to move over. "But no one else is around right now and I'd really like to take advantage of this privacy to snog you properly."

"That's literally the definition of fooling around."

"My definition includes you completely topless," I spoke pointedly. "Which, by the way, I wouldn't be complete opposed to right _—oof_."

She had punched me on the shoulder but I just grinned and shimmied into bed beside her. She looked at me reluctantly but eventually scooted over, tenderly resting her head against my shoulder.

I drew my arm behind her, planting a kiss in her hair and squeezing her opposite shoulder. "I've missed doing this," I murmured.

She lifted her head off my shoulder to smile up at me. "It's been two days."

"It's been two days too long."

There was a shyness in her smile as she leaned into me, her lips centimeters from mine. Her eyes met mine as our lips came closer and closer to brushing up against one another's. "My clothes aren't coming off, Jay," she whispered before her lips finally met mine.

I chuckled into the kiss, taking in every detail of her taste, her mouth, her tongue. "That's okay," I murmured in between kisses. "I'll have you any way I can."

I felt her smile as my mouth closed over hers once again. My hand slid down the curve of her torso and rested on her waist, instinctively rolling her hips towards mine. Our legs tangled together, a mess of clumsy limbs, and I shifted my body so that I was hovering over her, nearly crushing her. My heart began to race and it came as no surprise to me that I could feel myself begin to harden, but I somehow ignored it as I just focused on every contour of her swollen lips.

"In a public place? Really?"

Alice and I nearly jumped apart at the unexpected voice and I hastily flopped to my side in slight embarrassment before realizing it was only Fred standing at the foot of the bed, looking way too amused.

"Go away, Fred," I groaned, sneaking my arm underneath Alice's back and dangling it casually at her side.

"Hey, just be glad it was me who walked in on that rather heated snog session and not, say, _anyone else_ ," he chuckled, leaning against the bed railing with a dismissive smirk.

"Shouldn't you be off snogging your own girlfriend?" Alice suggested.

"I thought you could use some company, AliCat," Fred huffed. "You've been going on and on about how bored you've been. If you're really all that bored, James must be snogging all wrong then."

I tore the pillow out from underneath my head and chucked it at my cousin. I realized perhaps a second too late that that unfortunately left myself and Alice without a pillow.

"Ow," Alice said, her head grazing the back railing. "Uh, hi, head injury here?"

I grimaced and pressed a kiss to the bruise on her forehead which had considerably faded over the past day. "Oops, sorry."

Fred clutched the pillow with a laugh. "Way to take care of your girlfriend, Jameso."

"Oh, I believe I was taking care of her just fine before you walked in," I drawled.

Alice smacked me on the shoulder with the back of her hand. "Oy, don't encourage him."

Fred chuckled and handed us back the pillow before dropping on to the empty chair, which greatly displeased me for I had been hoping for some more snogging time with the delectable Alice Longbottom.

"Don't you have anywhere else you could be?" I sighed.

"Nope," he smirked, reaching into his bag and pulling out a stack of parchment. Tossing it on to the bed, he said, "I brought you your homework assignments, AliCat."

She made a face but reluctantly picked up the parchments and shuffled through them. After only a few seconds, her eyes narrowed. "These are your homework assignments, Fred."

With a sheepish chuckle, he stretched out his legs and rested them on the edge of Alice's bed, stacking his feet on top of one another, before saying, "Hey, you said you were bored. I'm just trying to help you out."

"Seems to me you're trying to help _you_ out."

"Whatever gets you through the boredom, AliCat."

Not so surprisingly, that stack of parchment got tossed back in Fred's face and he nearly fell backward, gripping on to the edge of the bed to keep the chair from toppling over completely.

"On that note," I smirked, "Who's up for a game of Exploding Snaps?"

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I was barking orders at my team per usual the very next evening when I noticed an additional silhouette wandering on to the pitch. With a grin, I told Fred to stop shouting lewd comments at Cass to throw her off her game and zoomed towards the ground, dismounting and jogging over to my beautiful girlfriend.

"You're free!" I teased, wrapping my arms around her shoulders and instinctively planting a kiss against her lips.

We ignored the round of 'ooohs' that fell from my immature teammates as Alice laughed and said, "I'm not allowed on a broom tonight but I'm officially good to go tomorrow morning."

"Good because as decent of a chaser as Rose is, it's just not the same flirting with her on the pitch," I joked, steering Alice over towards the bench where Fred currently sat.

"That is disturbing on many levels, Jay," she groaned, greeting Fred with a smile.

"So are we certain Jax didn't completely addle your brain, AliCat?" Fred asked, patting the spot on the bench next to him. "Quick, say something smart!"

"You're a prat, Fred Weasley."

He pouted. "I said say something smart, not insulting."

"They're one and the same in this instance," I joked. "Keep Freddo in check, Ace. He's been heckling my team all night."

" _I'm bored_."

"Yeah, well, that's what you get for dating a Hufflepuff," I smirked, jumping out of the way before Fred could kick me. I saluted the both of them and then remounted me broom, taking to the sky.

"Please tell me Alice is here to take over my spot," Rose groaned. "I'm tired of flying."

"One, it's not _your_ spot. And two, don't talk nonsense. No one could ever get tired of flying."

She rolled her eyes at me. "Did I say I was tired of flying? I meant I was tired of _you_."

"And now you're just talking more nonsense," I said with a grin before calling out, "Team, get your arses over here!"

"Why isn't Alice suiting up?" Cass questioned as they all gathered around me.

A crease of worry formed in Jax's forehead. "Please don't tell me the injury was more serious than we thought," he pleaded.

"If her injury was more serious than we thought, you'd have a broom handle shoved so far up your arse right now, you'd be shitting wood for years to come," I drawled.

He grimaced.

"She's just taking the night off, Clearwater's orders," I explained. "So, sorry Rosie dearest, you're stuck running plays with us tonight."

She let out a very loud groan and I glared at her. "You want laps, Weasley?"

She rolled her eyes. "For the record, you're insufferable, James Potter."

"For the record, you're doing ten laps, Rose Weasley. Go."

She swore but took off towards the ground and ran the ten laps without complaint.

Another hour went by and clearly, Fred and Alice had gotten really jaded as they had turned to cheerleading during the latest gambit I was trying to run with CJ and Rose.

"Okay, so you go left," I was saying to CJ, "But swerve back at the last minute."

"I don't know but I've been told!" Fred called.

 _"I don't know but I've been told_!" Alice repeated.

"Our hearts are made of maroon and gold!"

" _Our hearts are made of maroon and gold_."

"Rose will fake right as if she's going for goal but at the last minute will slam on the brakes and toss the quaffle your way," I continued, looking back and forth between my two chasers.

"Gryffindor is here to play!" Fred cried out.

" _Gryffindor is here to play_!" said Alice.

"We'll kick Slytherin's ass all day!"

" _We'll kick Slytherin's ass all day_."

"At this point, the beaters will most likely be covering Rose," I explained, a slight irritation in my voice as I ignored Fred and Alice. "So that should give you an open shot but if not, I'll be underneath you as a backup plan."

"Sound off!"

"One, two!"

"Sound off!"

"Three, four!"

And in unison: "One, two, three, four," pause, "One, two. _Three, four_!"

"So if you need to throw me the quaffle, CJ, you have that option— _will you two kindly shut your traps_!" I shouted, my attention now on the benched players.

Fred smirked and Alice grinned sheepishly, pointing to my cousin next to her. "It was his idea."

"Oh, sure, throw me under the bus!"

"Was it not your idea?" she questioned.

"Oh, no, it was totally my idea but James didn't have to know that."

"Believe me, I was well aware of that already," I shouted at them. "When I think annoying, I almost always think of you first, Fred."

"And when I think trick play, I think of you," he retaliated. " _Jax and Hugo, the quaffle is being handed off to CJ next!_ "

"FRED!"

He grinned and began chanting again. "I don't know but it's been said, the Captain surely wants me dead!"

I glared at him but didn't have a whole lot of time to respond for every single one of my teammates joined in on the antics and sang, "I don't know but it's been said, the Captain surely wants Fred dead!"

I glared at all of them but the barking laughter that fell from each and every one of their mouths made my glare slowly disappear. I looked around the pitch and watched Cass high-five CJ and I saw Alice and Fred doing some version of a tango on the ground and I noticed Jax hovering beside Rose as they both wore goofy grins and I smiled as Lily and Hugo did loops in the air and I realized that this was the first time in a long time that I felt really good about my team.

We had had our many shares of trouble and obstacles and yet, we've managed to overcome them all which only made us a stronger and, in my mind, a better team. We were all happier now. We got along and not because we were forced to. We enjoyed the game and we enjoyed each other. Practice didn't feel like a rigorous training, it just felt fun again. I had thought we lost that feeling forever but we didn't. We had just lost it for a while when we lost ourselves but we found a way to get it back. And the team I was looking at now, a wildly different team than the one we started the year with, was one that I felt immensely proud to be a part of.

And so I found myself chuckling and with a small shake of the head, I cried out, "Sound off!"

There was a short pause as the rest of the team stared at me in surprise until Fred continued the ritual and everyone else joined in. "One, Two!"

" _Sound off!"_

" _Three, four_."

And as a team, as one united front, as one happy family, we all finished it off together.

" _One, two, three, four. One, two._ THREE, FOUR!"

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Freshly showered and with my arm dangling around Alice's shoulders, the two of us wound our way through the castle back to her room.

"Tonight was a good practice," I mused.

"Not that good," she huffed. "I didn't participate."

I laughed. "Valid point," I teased, burying my lips in her hair. "Tonight was an _okay_ practice."

She grinned triumphantly. "Better," she said in jest. "With Jax and Rose's problems out of the way, our team is on its way to being the strongest it's been all year."

"I know," I said though I was surprised to feel my smile waver. "I just wish Fred was playing with us, too."

That was the first time I had actually said aloud that I missed playing with my best mate and cousin on the pitch so I wasn't surprised when I could feel Alice's sympathetic eyes on me as we rounded a corner and wandered up a small set of stairs.

"There was something very strange about tonight," I continued hastily. "It was the first time in years that neither you nor Fred were in that sky playing beside me. Felt wrong almost."

Alice reached up for my hand resting on her shoulder and squeezed it. "I know," she spoke softly. "But he made his choice, Jay. You can't blame yourself for that."

"No, I know that," I said with a nod. "I'm not blaming myself. I'm not even blaming him. Once upon a time, I certainly did, but if he feels towards Ryleigh half of what I feel for you, I can't blame him one bit for choosing her over Quidditch."

Alice stopped short on the landing and I nearly stumbled over my feet as I turned to her quizzically. "That's the second time you've alluded to the possibility of choosing me over Quidditch."

I glanced into her periwinkle eyes, trying to decipher exactly what she thought about that, but she was giving me no signs either way. "Er…yes" was the only thing I could think of to say.

"I don't know what to make of it," she admitted. "I'm both flattered and scared at the same time."

"Scared?" I repeated, confused. "Why would that scare you?"

She didn't respond right away and I saw a surprising amount of insecurity in her eyes as she held my gaze. "Because all you've ever wanted your entire life was to play Quidditch. You love the game, every minute of it. It's about the only thing you've ever loved," she spoke softly. "Which inadvertently puts a lot of pressure on me. What if I don't live up to those same expectations?"

I gaped at her, not because her parallel was so wildly unconnected, which in my mind it was, but because I felt it was ludicrous of her to even think that I could ever put a game before her.

"I don't have any expectations with us, Ace, because I don't need to have any. We're…us. We're Jay and Ace. Jace, if you will," I said in jest and that put a small smile on her face. "I don't need to wonder where we'll be in a few weeks or months or even years and I don't need to wonder how we'll get there. I just know we will."

She looked both grateful and unconvinced, and I couldn't help but wonder when I became the confident one and she became the nervous one.

I took a step towards her, a reassuring smile lighting up my face. "Quidditch is something I aspire for, Ace," I continued. "But you? I don't have to hope for it. I don't have to have faith. I just…know. Maybe I've spent my entire life dreaming of a world in which I played Quidditch, but I've never had to dream of a world that included you because there isn't a single world of mine out there that doesn't include you."

Her cheeks flushed in clear flattery and I barely had time to acknowledge the smile on her face before she threw her arms around me and pulled me towards her for a kiss.

Electricity ran through my veins, coursing through my body like white light desperate for a heat source. Our lips fought for dominance, both of us jumping headfirst into the throngs of passion, and my body hovered over hers, pressing down on her until she stumbled backward and met the brick wall of the landing. My one hand came up and planted itself against the cool wall to steady myself, my lips never breaking from hers. Her fingers toyed with the top of my sweater until she grabbed a fistful and practically dragged me into her, my one leg inching between hers until she was straddling me in the very fundamental sense.

I was only forced to break the kiss to catch my breath, my lusting eyes inclining downward to meet hers.

"Has anyone ever told you that you have a real way with words, Jay?" she whispered breathlessly.

My lips still tingled with the familiar feel of her own. "Has anyone ever told you that you have a real way with turning a guy on?"

A smile crept on to her lips. "Can't say that they have."

"Well, I'm saying it," I growled.

"Oh yeah?" she challenged, pushing away from the wall and pressing her hips against my pelvis. "And exactly how do I turn you on?"

My body reacted like any normal seventeen-year-old boy's would.

"How about I drag you down to the storage closet at the end of the hall and I show you?" I pleaded, my lips making a raid for her neck.

She dipped her head back with a small moan before slowly pushing her hand against my chest. "How about you drag me back to my bedroom and you show me there?"

My lips met hers in a frenzied passion. "Too far," I murmured.

She chuckled and pulled away, dipping her head down and away from me, earning a grown from yours truly. "Do you ever think about the fact that just a few weeks ago, you and I were doing absolutely nothing of the sexual variety?"

"I'd much rather think about doing everything of the sexual variety now."

She laughed and pressed a chaste kiss to my lips. "Well, then," she said, dropping her hand down and entwining her fingers in mine, "Let's go."

"Ooh, to the storage closet?" I said with a hopeful grin.

Another laugh slipped out as she shook her head at me. "Nice try, but no."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I lay in bed next to Alice, my torso bare and hers covered by a flimsy tank top, and the smile that crept to my face felt electrifying. I had never spent so much time in a bed with a girl that didn't lead to the inevitable. And the weird thing was, I didn't hate it. I loved the very idea of getting to know the beautiful girl beside me in a painstakingly slow and yet intimate way. It felt more real that way. It felt honest and raw and for the first time in my life, I felt like I knew what true passion was. I wasn't looking to rush into anything, knowing that there was no reason to. I had a future of possibilities with her and I was looking forward to exploring all of it with Alice right by my side.

"Stop moving."

My eyes flitted in her direction. "I'm not," I chuckled.

"You keep smiling and it's changing your expression," she said, smacking my arm but not looking up from the sketch she was trying to finish.

"Well, gee, I can't help that just being around you puts a smile on my face."

Her pencil stopped mid-stroke as she finally looked up at me. "You're starting to get really good at this whole boyfriend thing, y'know that?"

Abandoning my pose, I grabbed Alice's hips and drew her towards me. "You make it easy," I said with a wink, lifting my lips to meet hers.

With an overdramatic sigh, she tossed the sketch aside and leaned into me, her fingers resting gently against my bare chest. "You will never let me finish that sketch, will you?" she murmured as I ran a line of kisses up her jaw.

I grinned. "Not if the other option is more of this," I smirked, crashing my lips against hers once again.

She melted into the kiss, a smile perching on her lips and never fully disappearing. "So," she murmured with a mischievous grin, her lips brushing just lightly against mine, "As I'm sure you are well aware, the end of February is coming up, and you know what that means?"

"Yeah," I said with a nod, nipping at her bottom lip. "March is arriving."

She poked me in the ribs and I yelped. "I was more referring to your birthday, you teasing git."

"Ah, tell me more about this teasing git. He sounds rather charming."

"He's not. He's a bit of an arse really. Bigheaded and stubborn and not funny in any way."

I pouted. "I don't think you're supposed to insult the birthday boy."

"Good thing your birthday isn't until next week."

"I don't think you're supposed to insult the almost birthday boy."

"There's no such thing as an almost birthday boy."

"Sure there is. It's a boy whose birthday is almost here. Aren't you supposed to be the smart one?"

She poked me again and I just grinned.

"So here are our options," Alice said, slowly sitting up and facing me crosslegged on the bed. "We can sneak off to Hogsmeade just the two of us, drink the night away, steal a thousand kisses from each other without getting heckled by our friends, and come back here and get a little frisky between the sheets."

My one eyebrow popped upward immediately. "Well, I'm pretty sure I don't have to hear the second option."

She chuckled, a goofy grin spreading across her jawline. "Well, the second option includes getting frisky between the sheets as well but also contains the rest of your friends joining in on the other festivities."

"Yes, the rest of my friends who will almost definitely heckle us for stealing a thousand kisses from each other."

She shrugged. "True, but the truly ironic part of that is that they are all now very much in their own relationships so we could just heckle them right back."

I considered the options. "So with Option Two, I get to steal kisses from you all night and get frisky between the sheets _and_ I get to heckle my friends?"

She nodded.

I grinned. "Well, I think we have a winner."

She laughed and nestled into my side again, pressing a tender kiss to the nook of my shoulder. "Good answer," she whispered, "Because I already told everyone we were sneaking into Hogsmeade for your birthday."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I was in Herbology tuning out Neville when the thought crossed my mind that something incredibly strange was going on.

I mean, Bachelor-for-life Fred Weasley landed himself a girlfriend, which was beyond strange within itself. But then Louis decided to try his hand at a girlfriend, then me, and now Rose was off the market as well?

There was really only one possible justification for this.

Someone was slipping Amortentia into our pumpkin juice.

The thought made me smile, which apparently wasn't the proper response to whatever Neville was currently asking me.

"Er…sorry. What?"

Alice groaned beside me as Neville set a stern glare on me. "Are you listening to me at all, Mister Potter?"

"Not really."

" _Jay_ ," Alice whined.

"What? I'm just being honest," I said with a grin.

Neville's eyes narrowed at me. "Any chance you had time to read the chapter I assigned last week or were you too busy overseeing injuries to my daughter on your Quidditch pitch?"

"Oy, that was all Jax's doing," I huffed.

"The reading assignment, Mister Potter," he practically barked at me.

I read it.

I think.

Or at least I pretended to read it in between stealing kisses from Alice in her room.

Oh, let's face it, I didn't read it at all.

"What about it?" I stalled.

"I asked what the value is of Venomous Tentacula seeds," he sighed.

"There's a value in the seeds that sprout from a deathly poisonous plant?" I drawled curiously.

Based on the groan Alice emitted, that was probably the wrong answer.

"So I guess that's a 'no' on the whole did-you-read-the-chapter question, hm?" Neville sighed.

"They're used in potions," I pointed out, only knowing this because of old Potions assignments and not because I bothered to glance at my Herbology textbook in the past week.

When I said nothing more, Neville sighed, "Is that all you've got?"

I hesitated. "They're used in lethal potions?"

Alice groaned again.

"Quite the opposite actually," Neville argued. "If used sparsely, they have unexpected medicinal purposes, specifically for minor aches and pains, but too many seeds can certainly have an opposing effect. It's precisely why potioneers and potion-brewers are constantly searching for a replacement ingredient as it's quite difficult trying to pass off a potion as medicinal when one of its main ingredients is something that can be rather harmful."

"Remind me never to go to Clearwater for a potion ever again when I have a headache," I muttered.

That time, Alice had to stifle a laugh.

When class ended, she and I piled out with Fred and Dash. I was walking a tad fast because I was certain Neville was tempted to come after me and ask why I was still not taking my studies seriously and in a world where I was happy and giddy, I didn't want anything to spoil it.

"You told me you read that chapter," Alice said, trying to keep up with my stride.

"Did I?" I mused. "Hm, were you staring at me looking all cute and innocent at the time? Because I often just say things to appease you so that we can skip the arguments and go straight into snogging."

Fred and Dash somehow contained their laughter as Alice shot me a look. "Oh, I love it when my boyfriend admits he lies to me."

"I like to think of it as barely fibbing."

"I like to think of it as good luck getting a snog out of me now."

Well, that backfired.

My two dormmates were no longer trying to control their laughter and I turned to glare at them. "Hey, Dash, when was the last time you snogged a chick?"

His laugh immediately turned into a scowl. "You're mean when you lose out on snogging privileges."

"We need to find you a girl," I announced.

"I have another suggestion," Dash responded. " _No_."

"I hear Kat's free," Fred chimed in with a smirk.

" _No_ ," Dash said again.

"Hattie's up for grabs," I added. "Er…well, sorta. You might have to fight Frankel for her but I think you could take him."

"Oh, lucky me, the Potters' leftovers," Dash said, rolling his eyes. "Can you two be serious for once?"

"I was being serious about Kat," Fred argued.

"I was being serious about Hattie," I agreed. "She's hot and that girl can do wonders with her tongue."

That earned me a glare from Alice.

"I said that aloud, didn't I," I muttered.

"Yes, it's almost as if you never want to kiss your girlfriend again," Dash drawled.

I grinned sheepishly, reaching over and draping my arm around Alice's shoulders. "Have I mentioned recently how unbelievably sexy you look?"

"I'm wearing an oversized jacket."

"And you are making that jacket look very good, babe."

"Oh, God," Dash muttered, glancing over at Fred. "Are these two always like this?"

"Yeah, and it's incredibly nauseating. I'd suggest learning to tune them out because it's the only way I can hang around them these days."

I smacked my cousin on the back of the head who merely grinned at me. "Now seriously, who are we setting Dash up with?"

" _No one_ ," Dash urged.

"Tannehill's an option," I considered. "She's fit and can hold a conversation. I see her as girlfriend material."

"When has Kye ever shown an interest in dating?" Alice chimed in with a shake of the head.

"What about Bristol?" Fred suggested. "She's smoking hot and is always up for some fun."

"Stop," Dash whimpered.

"Yeah, _'fun_ ,'" I agreed with Fred, "But we're not looking to just get Dash laid. We're looking for his next relationship."

"Couldn't we do both?" Fred smirked.

I hesitated. "Alright, Bristol is back on the table."

"Would you mind if I killed your boyfriend, Alice?" Dash sighed.

"Laikyn is free," I teased.

"She's also a brainless ditz," Fred pointed out.

"So? We can put her in the 'shag' pile while we consider other girlfriend options."

"Oh, yeah, I bet she'd be a hot shag," Fred said with a nod. "Everly Cramer is girlfriend-material."

"I feel like I'm invisible," Dash sighed.

"Everly's back together with Declan," Alice argued.

"Why are you encouraging this?" Dash groaned.

"Bollocks," I muttered. "Okay, what about Ainsley Bennett? Don't know much about her but she's a firecracker on the Quidditch pitch."

"I'll feel out Roxy for her," Fred suggested.

"I'd like the record to show that I severely hate you both," Dash muttered.

"There's always Kenley or Lena," I smirked.

"Yeah, if he's looking to get himself an STD."

"Really, really hate you both."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"I can't continue pairing you two up for patrols if you're going to be blowing them off to snog in broom cupboards, or, in other words, _what you are supposed to be scolding other students for_."

Jax was smart enough to look sheepish while Rose merely shrugged. "We're making up for lost time, Alice."

"Do it on your own time and not during patrols," she scoffed. "Or I'm pairing you up with Parker, Rose."

"Oy, don't tell them to do it on their own time!" I chimed in with a scowl.

"Oh, no, not Parker," Rose groaned, shaking her head. "He has been unbearable ever since he and Shayne made their relationship official. 'Oh, look, everyone, I'm not a complete and utter tool that everyone finds insufferable because I now have proof that I can supposedly get a girl.' Ugh, it's nauseating."

I couldn't help but agree with her there.

"Well, don't get caught by Professor Gable in a broom cupboard next time and I won't have to pair you up with Mr. Nauseating."

"Ah, so what I'm hearing is we can still continue blowing off patrols to snog, we just have to make sure we don't get caught," Jax smirked.

Alice glared at him.

"I probably should have kept that thought to myself," Jax murmured sheepishly.

I was finding the exchange between the three of them rather hilarious, though I wasn't completely in love with the idea of my cousin sneaking around in broom cupboards.

It was Saturday night and while I had been all for hanging out in Alice's bedroom just the two of us, she told me socializing was good for the soul so we found ourselves hanging around the Gryffindor common room for most of the night. Fred had disappeared earlier with Ryleigh, and Lily and CJ were nowhere to be found, which made me wary, though I was finding much amusement in watching Hugo flirt with Rayne in the corner of the room. Cass and Miles were giggling in the corner and Dash was currently breaking every quill beside me as he watched Parker laugh alongside Shayne on the other side of the room. Harley and Jett were snuggled up on the loveseat next to us, though they were pretty much ignoring the rest of us as they whispered amongst themselves.

"We should do something," I announced to the others.

"I am doing something. I'm reprimanding my horny prefects," Alice commented.

"Yes, and as much fun as it's been to watch you do that," I chuckled, "Saturday nights were not meant to be holed up in a stuffy common room."

Rose sighed. "I know I'm going to regret asking this but if Saturday nights weren't meant for casual common room time, then what were they meant for?"

"They were meant to be lived!" I said, pumping my fist in the air.

All that received were three blank stares.

"Or something along those lines," I said sheepishly.

"And what exactly are you proposing we do to _live_ our Saturday night?" Alice chuckled.

"I don't know but there's got to be something better we can do than watch Jett and Harley make out all night."

We all glanced over at the pair who apparently took no notice of us.

"Ooh, I've got an idea," I said eagerly, sitting up on the couch with a grin.

"I am not partaking in any pranks," Alice spoke firmly.

I hesitated. "I've got no ideas."

She chuckled and glanced up from the prefect paperwork to smile at me. "I've got one. How about you sit on the couch looking all pretty while I finish reviewing these detention slips?"

I pretended to ponder the question. "So we're in agreement that I'm pretty, hm?"

She tried not to laugh but the edges of her mouth were twitching upward. "You really don't know how to sit still, do you?"

"Nope, I'm an always-on-the-go kind of guy," I teased. "And I have a brilliant idea."

"I'm not going to help you torment Brooks."

"It's like you enjoy shooting down my ideas," I pouted.

She laughed and leaned over to press her lips against mine. "Did we ever really turn down the sit-here-and-do-nothing idea?"

"Quidditch pitch is free," Jax spoke.

We both turned to him. "It's nearly nine o'clock at night," Alice said.

"Yes, which is why the Quidditch pitch is free."

"Curfew is in two hours."

"Yeah, but I like to think of it as more of a _suggested_ curfew than an actual one," he said with a grin.

"You make one hell of a prefect, Bloch," I smirked.

He shrugged and simply said, "C'mon, let's gather up the masses and have a Quidditch match for the ages. You know you want to."

"Just this morning you were complaining about how I was upping the number of practices we had per week," I drawled, "And now you suddenly want to spend more time on the pitch? Mixed signals much?"

"Tonight won't be about beating Slytherin," he argued, "It'll be about having fun. And I really don't understand why you of all people appear to be against this idea seeing as I'm pretty sure you'd live out on the pitch if sleeping on a broom wasn't completely uncomfortable."

"Did I ever say I was against this idea?" I said, my eyes lighting up. "I am so in."

Looking towards Alice with hopeful eyes, she hesitated before glancing down at the paperwork in front of her. "I really am behind in my Head Girl paperwork. Rudy has reminded me of that one too many times."

"How are you behind but he isn't?" Jax questioned. "When he's spending all of his free time with Hattie?"

"Hattie's a prefect herself," Alice pointed out. "She takes the time out of her day to complete her schoolwork. Meanwhile, I'm stuck with Mr. Lazy."

My eyebrow shot up. "Is that supposed to be me? Because from where I'm sitting, I'm the one who wants to go out and do something on this crazy Saturday night while you want to stay back and do nothing."

"Not nothing. _Paperwork_ ," she groaned.

"Like I said. Nothing."

That earned me an elbow to the side which I nursed with a sheepish grin. "C'mon, Ace," I said, throwing my arms around her shoulders and pulling her towards me, "You _know_ you're itching to get on that pitch for some good-natured fun."

The hesitance in her eyes told me I was slowly wearing her down. Groaning, she said, "You are a terrible influence on me, Jay."

"Aha!" I said eagerly. "Jace lives on!"

Alice burst into laughter but Jax and Rose only exchanged a confused look. "Shall I take this one or do you want to?" Rose drawled.

"You," Jax said. "I don't have the energy to keep up with this pair anymore."

With a giggle, Rose turned towards us and said, "And who exactly is Jace?"

"Jay," I said, pointing to me. And then I pointed to Alice and said, "Ace. Put them together and what do you get?"

"A pair of idiots?" Jax drawled.

Rose's laughter could be heard throughout the common room while Alice and myself both glared over at the other sixth year. "You are aware that I run your patrols schedule, right?" Alice drawled.

"Did I say a pair of idiots?" he mused. "I meant one idiot and one incredibly delightful human being of pure radiance."

"Aw, thanks, Jax," I teased before Alice could speak. "I always knew you thought highly of me. But it's wrong of you to call your Head Girl an idiot."

Alice smacked me on the shoulder and I rubbed it while climbing off the couch. "C'mon, let's get down to that pitch," I said with a grin. Glancing over at Harley and Jett who had somehow managed to pry their lips off each other. "We're heading down to the Quidditch pitch. You two in?"

They shared a look before turning back to me. "I hate heights and he's a very clumsy flyer," Harley argued.

"Then sit on the bleachers and watch us play an epic game of Quidditch," I argued. "Don't worry, you can ignore the rest of us while snogging each other crazy on the pitch just as much as you can do that here."

Harley laughed and shrugged. "Alright, fine, we're in."

Deciding that it was only fair to ask all of Gryffindor, I climbed on top of the coffee table, all while Alice tried pulling me down but I merely shooed her away and shouted out, "HOUSE-WIDE QUIDDITCH MATCH ON THE PITCH IN TEN MINUTES! THIS MAY BE YOUR ONLY CHANCE TO BEAT ME SO YOU WON'T WANT TO MISS IT!"

Silence immediately followed but it was quickly filled by curious whispers as I climbed off the table with a triumphant smile.

"You are ridiculous, James Potter," Rose said with the roll of her eyes.

"Yeah, I know. I mean, let's face it, who really has a shot at beating me?"

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

House-wide Quidditch match quickly turned into schoolwide Quidditch match when Fred dragged Ryleigh and Kye along and then my brother showed up with Scorpius and Reese. Soon after, Hattie and Rudy Frankel stopped in along with Roxanne and Zig.

"What, you thought we'd let the Gryffindors have all the fun?" Ryleigh smirked at me. "No way. Get ready to have your arse handed to you, Potter."

"I've decided I don't like you anymore, Carver," I huffed.

She merely laughed and disappeared into the crowd of people. And a crowd it was. Some were there to just watch, a handful of the onlookers passing around a bottle of firewhisky, but the pitch was covered in people. Alice and Dash were there chatting with Rose, Jax, Harley, and Jett, or as I liked to call them, the originals. Lily and CJ made an appearance, both of whom refused to tell me where they had gone off to earlier that evening, and trotted off to chat with Hugo and Rayne. Others from Gryffindor included Cass, Miles, Declan and Everly.

I counted those who were dressed to play and came up with seventeen. With an eighteenth, we could play with an extra chaser and a beater.

"We need an eighteenth," I commented to Alice as she came up next to me.

She looked towards the stands. "Well, there are eight people up there. Choose one of them."

"Do any of them know how to play Quidditch?"

"How should I know?" she dismissed, grabbing my hand and dragging me towards the bleachers. She called up to the ground of spectators, "Anyone here know how to play Quidditch? We need one more person!"

Silence followed.

"Well, that worked," I laughed. "Make Rudy do it. And if he says no, threaten to hand over that pile of prefect paperwork you've been complaining about all night for him to do."

"He has his own set of paperwork," she pointed out.

"Even more reason for him to not want to be saddled up with your portion, too," I grinned.

She rolled her eyes and called back up to the stands, "You can play beater and I give you free reign to knock a bludger or two into James' head!"

"That's not even remotely close to what I said you should say," I groaned, scowling when Jett and Dash both immediately stood up.

"I'M IN!" they both cried out.

I groaned. " _I don't want your girlfriend, Thomas_."

He hesitated and sat down. "Okay, I'm out."

Dash grinned. "Wicked."

"If you so much as touch me with a bludger, Finnigan, I'm coating your bed sheets with bubotuber pus."

"Because you have so much of that on hand, Potter?" he smirked as he made his way towards the pitch.

After a fair amount of arguments (I thought it should be the Gryffindor team against everyone else and got a lot of pushback for that), we split the teams evenly and took to the sky. Glancing around, I met Fred's excited gaze and grinned, somehow feeling as if I was back at home playing a rowdy game of Quidditch with our rambunctious and yet entirely entertaining family.

"Welcome to the first ever schoolwide, late night, pajama party, no-rules-so-go-totally-crazy-but-please-don't-kill-each-other-because-that-would-mean-a-lot-of-paperwork-for-your-Head-Boy-and-Head-Girl _Quidditch match_!" Rudy's voice filled the stadium.

"We may have to work on the name for next time," Fred muttered.

"And what pajama party are you referring to?" Alice called out to the Head Boy. " _We are all wearing regular clothes_."

"Yeah, but how awesome would it be if we were all in our pajamas?" Rudy said with a wicked grin.

"We'll remember that the next time we randomly suggest an evening Quidditch game," I chuckled and Fred laughed beside me as we took our places on the pitch. How he and I ended up on the same team, I couldn't be sure, but I could tell Fred was more than happy to get back into the competition of things after being forced on the bench for so long.

Besides Fred and myself, my team consisted of Rose, CJ, and Zig as chasers, Kye and Scorpius as beaters, Reese as our keeper, and Lily as our seeker. That left Alice, Albus, Ryleigh, and Hattie as chasers on the other team with Jax, Hugo, and Dash as beaters, Cass as keeper, and Roxanne as seeker. Considering everyone insisted on splitting the couples up as well as splitting up the Ravenclaws, Slytherin, and the Hufflepuffs evenly, I thought that both teams were rather solid.

The "friendly" game of Quidditch wound up being somewhat of a bloodbath, though it entertained us to no end. Fred somehow got an elbow to his nose thanks to Dash (who had very little beating skills but evidently ramming into students with his own body was an unexpected talent of his) while Hattie already had a welt the size of her head swelling up her forearm from when Hugo and Jax double-teamed her. Albus had temporarily fallen off his broom, though with the help of Ryleigh he somehow was able to climb back on without plummeting to the ground. For the first time all year, Cass looked winded and had called several time-outs, but I suppose having four chasers in a game added an unexpected quick turnaround of scoring. Lily and Roxanne had spent most of the evening chatting amicably in the air while they watched everyone else go at it until Fred yelled at the two of them to stop being pussies. Then they spent a good twenty minutes chasing after Fred and grabbing the end of his broom every time he tried swinging his bat towards a bludger. CJ and Zig somehow managed to stay out of too much trouble while Rose yelled at anyone who dared try to send a bludger her way.

All in all, it was one hell of a night.

"Okay, anyone know what the score is?" I asked my team as we gathered during the latest time-out.

"Well, five minutes ago Frankel said it was seventy to eighty. And two minutes ago, he said it was sixty to one hundred," Fred drawled. "So I think it's safe to say the score is some random number to another equally random number."

I glared at him over the sound of the laughter around me.

"Who cares about the score, James?" Reese spoke up with a shrug. "Tonight is about having fun and letting loose, not winning."

" _Quidditch is always about winning_."

As expected, half the group rolled their eyes. "As I seem to always point out to anyone who will listen," Rose drawled, "Unless one team is up by one-hundred-and-fifty points, the score doesn't freaking matter. It's all about the seeker."

I glanced over at my sister. "Y'hear that, Lilybean? This game is all about you."

"Please tell me you are _not_ going to make 'Lilybean' a thing."

"If you don't catch that snitch, expect that nickname to become a reoccurring thing."

She jabbed me in the stomach with her broom handle and took off towards the sky.

"Er… I guess our time-out is over," I said with a shrug as the rest of my team chuckled and mounted their brooms once again.

The bloodbath portion of the evening appeared to have wound down as the chasers focused on scoring in our respective hoops and the beaters focused on trying to stop us. Less force was used and while the energy was still high, it was clear we were all getting slightly exhausted. Not a single one of us stretched or prepared for a match that evening so while it was slightly embarrassing to see us all marginally winded, it wasn't completely unexpected.

"That keeper of ours is on fire tonight!" Fred called out to me.

I glanced over my shoulder at him curiously. "Reese?" I said, confused. "She just let two goals get by her."

"No, I'm talking about Cass," he groaned.

That confused me even more. "Cass isn't our keeper."

"Not _this_ team's keeper, I meant _Gryffindor's_ keep—oh, never mind. Quaffle coming your way!"

I whirled around as Zig shouted my name and tossed me the quaffle. Fred was able to chuck a bludger at Alice who had been gunning for me, leaving me with an open path towards the hoops. Grinning at Cass, I barely dodged a bludger sent my way from Jax and hurled the quaffle towards the middle hoop. I assumed Cass would veer right or left but she somehow was able to determine my trajectory and knocked the quaffle out of the way just before it was about to soar through the hoops.

"I'm going to make you run laps at Monday's practice for every quaffle you block of mine, Rollins!" I scoffed.

" _Abuse of power_!" were the words that were hurled at me not by Cass but by my brother.

"What we do in our practices doesn't concern you, Al!" I called after him, turning around on my broom and heading the other way before Albus could even bother retorting.

The game continued for another few minutes and just as I wondered how late this match might wind up going, there were cheers and gasps from all over the pitch that told me the seekers were in pursuit of the snitch.

" _SNITCH! I SEE IT! SNITCH, SNITCH, SNITCHETY SNITCH_!"

Well, I think it was safe to say that Rudy drank half the firewhisky bottle going around.

We all stopped what we were doing and watched as Lily and Roxanne battled it out for the snitch. Lily was closer but Roxanne was gaining speed, so it was anyone's game. I was muttering Lily's name under my breath over and over again, hoping that she could show everyone just what she could do even as a novice.

So I may have been the one cheering the loudest when Lily swung upwards with the snitch clutched in her hand.

With a cheer, Rose collided with Lily and I laughed as I watched Fred slam into Lily's side as he embraced her and shouted out for the entire pitch to hear, "WEASLEYS RULE!"

Lily punched him in the side and reminded him she was a Potter but he merely chuckled and did a few loops around her in celebration.

The other team reluctantly touched down on the grass and dismounted, and with a smile, I quickly joined Alice as she ventured towards the bleachers. I draped my arm around her shoulders and she looked up with a smile. "I suppose congratulations are in order," she said with an overdramatic sigh.

I grinned. "That was a lot of fun," I admitted with a shrug. "An excellent way to spend a Saturday. I suppose Jax has some decent ideas occasionally."

"I heard that!"

Glancing over my shoulder, I laughed as Jax came up behind me with a scowl. "And for the record, our chasers were outshining yours by a mile."

"Barely," I scoffed. "You got lucky with Cass."

"Or, and go with me on this one, _we had better chasers_."

"Well, I certainly can't argue with him there," Alice teased, nudging me with an elbow.

"Sure you can. My brother was one of your players, wasn't he?"

"Yeah and a rather skilled chaser at that."

"You take that back!"

"It's not like I said he was better than you!" Alice groaned.

 _"You take that back!"_

She threw her hands into the air. "You are unbelievable."

"Yeah, I'm aware. But don't go spreading that around or all of the ladies will want a piece of this," I teased, winking at her.

She turned to me, her eyebrow slowly protruding into her forehead. "I'm pretty sure all of the ladies have already had a piece of that," she drawled.

I cringed, ignoring the raucous round of laughter going on around me. I was all ready to find a way to defend myself when I noticed there was a very obvious smirk on Alice's face. "Oh, you're joking," I said, shaking my head. "I thought for sure we were about to have a conversation I so did not want to have."

She looked at me with a mischievous look I did not like. "Not today we aren't."

With a wink, she took off into the bleachers, leaving me behind with a very crinkled brow.

"Wait, does that mean we will be having that type of conversation in the future?" I called out to her. "Ace? _Ace_?"

"Nice game, Potter," a new voice chimed in.

Speaking of girls who have already had a piece of me.

"Hey, Hattie," I greeted and I couldn't help but glance up at the bleachers to where Rudy was currently drawing a crowd. "So you and Frankel?"

She rolled her eyes at me. "So you and Longbottom."

"Yes, yes, hilarious, James has a girlfriend," I chuckled with a small shake of the head. "And what exactly are you and Frankel?"

She looked at me, hesitance resting in her gaze. "Not officially dating," she spoke with a shrug.

I frowned. "Why not?"

"Well, that's not really any of your business, now is it?" she laughed, though I could have sworn I detected a bit of skepticism in her tone.

My lips pursed. "Look, I know you and I never did the whole relationship thing but not because you weren't worth it. Don't settle for less than what you deserve, Hattie."

She looked somewhat startled by my sudden seriousness. "Oh?" she asked softly. "And what is it that you think I deserve?"

"Happiness," I spoke almost immediately.

She hesitated. "Happiness was never our problem, James. We were plenty happy with each other. It was just...everything else."

"No," I sighed, "We were content. There's a difference. And you deserve a hell of a lot more than just contentment."

There was an unexpected softness in her eyes as she met my gaze. "You're an impossible person to hate, James Potter," she said with a light chuckle before disappearing towards the rest of the crowd.

I wasn't sure what to make of that so I just smirked and cried out, "I'm taking that as a compliment!"

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"Why would we want Ravenclaw to win?" Fred questioned curiously from where he lounged on the common room couch. "They're a much better team than Hufflepuff."

"Yeah, but right now Ravenclaw only has 90 points," Jax explained. "And Hufflepuff has 380, so they're way far ahead of-"

"But for how long?" Fred snorted. "Hufflepuff has already played two games and still they have fewer points than we do. And that's a miracle considering how shitty we played in our last match. And by 'we,' I mean James."

"Thanks, mate," I spoke, not bothering to lift my head out of my playbook, desperately trying to figure out if we had time in our schedule to practice my new chasing gambit I was working on.

"Ravenclaw would have to score 390 points in Saturday's match to tie our score right now," Jax explained, both of them ignoring me completely. "They won't do that even if they win."

"You're going to jinx it!" Fred scoffed.

"I agree with Jax," Rose chimed in with a curt nod. "It's in our better interest if Ravenclaw wins. It will officially knock Hufflepuff out of playoff contention."

"You're only agreeing with him because he's your boyfriend," Fred drawled.

Rose glanced up from her essay to roll her eyes. "I think we all know I have no problem arguing with anyone, whether I'm snogging them or not."

Fred appeared to be thinking about this before shrugging in agreement. "And how would Ravenclaw winning officially knock Hufflepuff out of playoff contention? We are only a hundred points ahead of them. Hufflepuff could still score a few hundred points on Saturday even if they don't catch the snitch and-"

"That's a bit of a stretch, don't you think?" Jax contemplated. "They only scored 70 points in their match against Slytherin and sure, they did manage to score 160 in their match against us but that's only because we played like shit. And by 'we,' I mean Jam-"

"I do have ears y'know!" I scoffed.

"Something tells me you only want Hufflepuff to win because that means your girlfriend will be happy on Saturday which means you might get lucky," Rose smirked at Fred.

Fred rolled his eyes. "That is so not true."

Her eyebrow shot way up into her forehead.

"Okay, fine it's totally true," he huffed and ignoring Rose and Jax as they broke out into laughter, he continued, "But I still think you're looking at this all wrong. Hufflepuff winning means there's more of a chance of _Ravenclaw_ being knocked out of playoff contention unless they can somehow scrape four hundred points from the quaffle only."

Jax and Rose considered this before sharing a look. "Damn, he's right," Jax said with a surprised tut.

"He's so right," Rose agreed with a vigorous nod. "Well, I am officially a Hufflepuff supporter now."

Fred grinned triumphantly. "I love being right."

"How would you know if you love it or not?" I drawled, my head still buried in my notes. "This is the first time you've ever been right as far as I'm aware."

I ducked as a pillow came soaring at my head.

Guess they weren't completely ignoring me.

I shut my playbook and pulled myself off the couch. "For the record, it doesn't matter who we root for in Saturday's match. There are advantages and disadvantages for both sides. The one thing we _do_ want to root for is a low-scoring game to knock them _both_ out of playoff contention."

The three of them all looked up at me, Rose with a rather sour look on her face. "Bloody hell, what world do we live in where Fred Weasley and James Potter have suddenly become the smart ones of the group?"

"Oy, I take offense to that!" Jax huffed.

"No, you don't."

He grinned. "Nah, I don't. They can be smart today but we all know it won't last."

I flipped him off. "And just so you know, Rose, there's no _group_ ," I argued. "There's me and Fred and then there's the two of you who decided to sit down on our couch and bother us as we tried to get some work done."

Rose shot me a look. "That's not work you're doing, that's strategizing."

"Strategizing with a team full of blunderheads _is_ work, Rosie Dearest."

"Oy, I take offense to that!" Jax cried out.

"No, you don't."

"Uh, yes, that one I do."

I shrugged. "Damn, I was hoping that might work for a second time," I snickered, hoisting my bag over my shoulder. "Well, I'm off to go snog the shit out of my girlfriend before curfew. You kiddos have fun without me."

As I wandered towards the portrait hole, I chuckled as I heard Rose mutter, "Does anyone else get creeped out when that guy uses the word 'girlfriend?'"

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I was just around the corner from the Head Dorm when familiar voices stopped me short.

"So, you okay, Scorp?"

There was a short pause. "Er…yeah, of course I am. Clearwater fixed up my leg in record time."

I heard a sigh from my brother before he spoke again. "I'm not talking about your leg."

"Well, maybe we should because I don't recall you ever apologizing to me for nearly killing me."

"I hardly came close to killing you," Albus drawled.

"I fell off my broom from nearly thirty feet in the air!"

"Could have been worse."

"Oh, really?" Scorpius drawled. "How?"

"Could have been fifty feet."

Okay, even I had to give my brother props for that witty response.

I heard a rustle of clothes and a groan so I could only assume that Scorpius struck my brother. "Oy, you trying to give me a concussion?"

"It would serve you right."

If I knew my brother at all, this would be the point of the conversation in which he was rolling his eyes.

Then again, I didn't really know my brother at all.

"Can we go back to discussing what I wanted to discuss?" Albus growled.

"No" was Scorpius' immediate answer. "You never wanted to discuss it before so why should we discuss it now?"

"She's with another guy now. That can't be easy."

My eyebrow popped up and I suddenly had a very good idea that they were discussing Rose.

"Oh, it's fine," Scorpius said dismissively. "It's not like any feelings were ever involved between us."

A quiet sigh fell from my brother's lips. "Except I think that they were."

There was a long pause then. So long that I wondered for a short time if they had walked away. But then Scorpius spoke. "Please don't tell her."

That almost sounded like a confession.

"I won't," Albus said softly. "And I'm sorry."

"No, you're not. This is what you wanted to happen all along."

"This is what I expected to happen all along," he countered. "And I think you know that."

More silence. "Yeah," he murmured. "I do."

I could hear my brother clap Scorpius on the shoulder. "C'mon, let's go find you a new girl to fool around with."

"I'd say the same thing to you but I'm afraid you'd pick Kat."

"One time! That was a one-time thing!"

"Right, because the other girl you wanted dumped your arse," he smirked.

That piqued my interest. Who was this 'other girl?'

"She did not dump me," Albus growled. "She just…didn't want to be around me at the time."

"Oh, sure, because that's much better," Scorpius laughed and I heard their footsteps begin to fade as they disappeared down the hallway.

So if I was going to summarize that conversation with complete assumptions then apparently Scorpius had feelings for Rose and my brother might have feelings for someone else. I was intrigued.

But not enough to care.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Alice's books were sprawled out across her bed when I wandered in that Monday evening. I took the liberty of shoving her Potions textbook on to the floor so I could flop down on to her bed.

" _I was trying to read that_ ," she groaned.

"No, you weren't," I argued. "You were staring at your Herbology notes."

"Well, I was going to eventually read that," she huffed.

"You're incredibly cute when you're stressed out," I commented.

She looked up from her essay. "Don't think that by calling me cute I'm going to suddenly abandon my studies and snog away the rest of the evening with you."

"What if I also told you you're adorable?" I spoke, grabbing her arm and pulling her towards me.

She resisted. "I have two essays due by Friday and I'm only halfway through one."

"That still leaves you three more nights!" I said with a hopeful grin.

"No, it doesn't," she drawled, rolling her eyes. "We have Quidditch practice for two hours tomorrow night and your birthday is on Wednesday so that really only leaves me with Thursday."

"I wouldn't count on Thursday if I were you," I teased. "You'll be so hungover you won't be able to think straight."

She looked at me curiously. "You do realize you're just making the possibility of any snogging to occur tonight even more unlikely, right?"

"Every cute, adorable Head Girl needs a break at some point," I said, once again reaching for her arm and pulling her towards me.

She looked like she wanted to laugh but merely shook her head at me. Without resisting, she scooted over closer to me and leaned down to press her lips to mine. "Hi," she said with a small smile.

"Hi to you, too," I whispered, kissing her once again. Her lips tasted of cinnamon.

"Now go," she said, pulling back with a smile. "You are wildly distracting."

"I just got here," I whined.

"Then you can sit there without moving or saying anything at all."

I looked at her.

"Oh, who am I kidding, you'll never do that," Alice said with a shake of her head. Pointing towards the door, she said, "Out."

"But-"

" _Out_."

"This may be the most despicable way ever to treat your awesome boyfriend," I pouted.

"My awesome boyfriend already left for the evening. Now my somewhat average boyfriend is the one distracting me."

I gaped at her and I could see she was trying to hide her smile. " _I am hardly just 'somewhat average_.'"

She blinked and then laughed. "Really? That's the only point you comment on?"

"Well, there's no way you have another boyfriend," I argued with a mere shrug, "Or he'd still be here because there is just not a chance in hell that anyone would ever be able to walk away from someone as cute and adorable as you."

She looked at me, the surprise twinkling in her blue eyes. "Okay, you win," she spoke softly. "You can stay."

I grinned and leaned over to kiss her. "I won't distract you for too long," I whispered, my lips dancing against hers.

"That's a lie and we both know it," she chuckled, pressing her lips to mine.

I shrugged and pulled her even closer to me. "Yeah, okay, I'll distract you for a reasonable amount of time and then leave you to be to finish your essays well after midnight while you curse me out to no one in particular that you have such an awesome distracting boyfriend who is seriously cutting into your sleep schedule."

She smiled against my lips, letting a kiss linger. "That sounds exactly like what I'll be doing later."

With a chuckle, I lowered my lips to hers, my eyes fluttering open as I let the moment take over my every sense. I could smell her lavender shampoo and I could taste a hint of chocolate on her tongue and I felt the tingle in my fingers as I rest them against her lower back. She softened to my touch, her body instinctively curving into mine as our tongues danced in unison.

In one swift motion, she pushed me on to my back and straddled my torso, smirking suggestively as she gripped the edge of her T-shirt and pulled it off. Tossing it aside, she drew her lips to mine once more and I embrace her tightly, pulling her body flush with mine as our kisses hijacked the sensual moment. I could hear her lightly panting, or perhaps that was me, as her one hand came up to caress my cheek. My eyes fluttered open and I met the unexpected lust in hers as she reached down and fingered the edge of my shirt. Our eyes never parted as she slowly pulled my shirt up and over my head. Licking her lips, she discarded it to her right and kissed her lips to mine once more.

My lips slowly and deliberately planted tender kisses down her jawline and towards her neck, nipping her there and relishing in the moan that fell from her lips. Her hair was tied up in its usual ponytail and I found myself reaching up to gently pull the hairtie from her hair. She looked at me, a mixture of surprise and appreciation flickering in her eyes, as her hair fell in wavy ringlets against her bare back.

Our lips met once again as my hands interwove into her silky hair, part of it falling into her face. I brushed it away, my lips never straying from hers, and I felt a very heavy yearning between my legs, a desperate need of butterflies quivering in my stomach and my heart as our mouths melded together in one passionate throng.

So to say I was very disappointed when she pulled away and climbed off of me would be the understatement of the year.

"Why did we stop kissing?" I moaned.

She giggled. "Because I really do have things to do."

"That's what later is for."

"You keep saying that and 'later' always becomes 'never.'"

"You say that like that's a bad thing."

She was trying very hard not to laugh. "I am trying not to fail out of school."

"You'll hardly _fail_ , Ace," I laughed. "If anyone might fail here, I think we both know it'd be me."

"Okay, so how about you go do some schoolwork now then?" she smirked.

Well, that backfired.

I drew my arm behind my head with a smirk. "At least let me get you out of your bra first," I teased.

She laughed and shook her head. "If this bra comes off, I will never get back to my work."

"I see no issues with that."

She smacked me on the shoulder with another laugh. "It's nearing curfew, Jay. You should be getting back anyway."

"Hm, following curfew. Or hanging out in bed with my very sexy girlfriend," I said, holding up my hands. "Yeah, that's not even a hard decision to make."

I expected another laugh. What I wasn't expecting was a rather stunned look on her face.

"Er…what?" I asked, suddenly panicked as to what I said wrong.

"Nothing," she said dismissively, forcing a smile on her face as she scooted off the bed. She picked up my shirt and handed it to me. "You really do have to go."

I took the shirt but my gaze remained on her, who seemed to be doing everything she could not to look at me.

Placing the shirt aside, I crawled over to her and gently grabbed her arm. "Ace, what is it? Did I say something wrong?"

She looked up at me then and I saw a light shade of pink resting in her cheeks. "No," she spoke softly. "It's just…no one has ever called me sexy before."

I was both surprised and pleased by that. "Well, then, I'm happy to be the first," I said, grabbing her waist and drawing her towards me. "Because you are, Ace. You're incredibly sexy. I can't ever seem to get my mind off of you. Ever. If I really do fail my classes this year, it's all your fault because I can't recall the last time I paid attention in class since I'm always too busy thinking of you."

She wrapped her arms around my shoulders with a chuckle. "You are so not putting your inability to pay attention in class on me."

"I call you sexy and then get scolded. Something is not right with this picture."

Smiling, she hesitated before pressing her lips to mine. I responded enthusiastically but was not completely surprised when she pulled back seconds later. "Thank you for calling me sexy," she murmured, pressing her forehead to mine. "Now, leave me be."

I laughed and while no part of me wanted to oblige, I knew I wasn't going to win this argument so with one last chaste kiss, I grabbed my shirt, tossed it over my head and reluctantly said my good-byes.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

 **A/N:** Well, aren't the two of them just so freaking adorable?

Up next: James' birthday! But what happens when it doesn't quite go as expected?


	29. Happy Birthday To Me

**A/N:** Once again, thank you all for the the wonderful reviews. I don't know who loves James & Alice more - you guys or me! For those who have been asking for more Potter family drama, this chapter is for you.

* * *

 **A WAY WITH WORDS**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 29: Happy Birthday To Me

" _All eyes on the calendar  
Another year I claim of total indifference  
To here, the days pile up  
With decisions to be made  
_ _I'm sure all of them were wrong  
Into this song I send myself  
And with these drinks I plan to collapse  
And forget this wasted year, these wasted years"  
_-Bright Eyes

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I woke up Wednesday morning to a bucket full of ice water poured over my head.

"What the _fuck_?" I screeched as I leapt from my bed, my teeth chattering almost immediately.

"Happy Birthday," Fred smirked from where he stood beside Dash, who was holding a now-empty bucket.

A shiver ran down my spine as the water continued to trickle down my face. " _This_ is how you wake someone up on their birthday?" I scoffed. "You two must have been dropped on your heads a lot as babies."

"Well, Fred suggested we turn on the radio and play the music at full blast to wake you up," Dash explained. "But the radio is still broken thanks to you. So we went with the next best option."

"This was not the next best option. This shouldn't have been an option at all! _Terrible, awful option_ ," I groaned but all I got were laughs in response. Shivering, I muttered, "For the record, I strongly hate both of you."

"And I hate all of you for being so bloody loud at five in the morning," a very annoyed voice grumbled from the only bed currently occupied.

"Shut up, Jessup," Fred growled at him.

" _It's only five in the morning_?" I groaned, shaking the excess water from my hair.

Dash shrugged. "Fred said you were born at 5:07 so we felt it was appropriate to wake you up at 5:07 to wish you a happy birthday."

I sighed. "I was born at 5:07 in the afternoon, you utter ponces."

Dash blinked, glancing over at Fred. "Wait, seriously?"

Fred grinned sheepishly. "Well, y'see, you kinda just assumed I meant 5:07 in the morning and you decided it would be a really great idea to wake James up in some completely outlandish way at the crack of dawn and I could have corrected you but I really wanted you to wake James up in some completely outlandish way at the crack of dawn so I might have inadvertently but not so inadvertently neglected to pass on the whole 'he was born in the afternoon' message."

Both Dash and I decided to glare at Fred that time. "Have I mentioned yet that I hate you?" I drawled, folding my arms stubbornly across my body. "For the record, you two are so uninvited tonight."

"Whatever the hell you're doing tonight, don't bother coming back to the room," Parker's voice spoke out again.

"Shut up, Jessup," was Fred's response once again.

I suppose originality wasn't something Fred excelled in at the crack of dawn.

"Now am I allowed to get another hour of sleep or should I be worried I'll be woken up by you two releasing a bunch of ants in my bed or something?" I sighed.

"Nah, no ants," Dash said. Hesitating, he added, "But damn that would have been a good one."

I glared at him.

He grinned. "Happy Birthday, mate."

"I'd say thank you but for some wild and crazy reason, I'm not terribly fond of you at the moment."

"Just wait until we release ants in your bed. You'll really hate me then," he said dismissively as he tossed the bucket aside and made his way back over to his bed.

"You said there were no ants!" I groaned. I glanced at Fred who was smirking. "There aren't any ants, right?"

Fred smirked as he, too, crawled back into his own bed.

" _Tell me there are no ants_."

I got no response.

I decided sleeping with one eye open was a good idea.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

The next time I got woken up, it was for a much better reason.

"Well, hello," I grinned, peeking one eye open as Alice slid into bed beside me.

"Why is your hair all wet?" she asked, pressing a kiss to my shoulder.

"No, the correct thing to say would have been 'Happy Birthday,'" I teased, poking her in the ribs. "And you can blame the wet hair on my jackass roommates."

"I heard that!" Fred's muffled voice called out.

Alice paused. "I feel like it's in my better interest not to ask any further questions on that," she mused. With a shrug, she smiled at me and said, "Happy Birthday, Jay."

"Your pretty face is a much better sight to wake up to than a bucketful of water," I said, leaning over and pressing my lips to hers.

"Oh, no," she groaned into the kiss. "They poured water on you?"

I kissed her again before answering. "At 5:07 because evidently that's the exact time I was born."

She blinked. "5:07 in the _afternoon_ ," she pointed out. "Doesn't Fred know that?"

"Yes, but apparently waking me up at the crack of dawn was a lot more fun than just wishing me a happy birthday at 5:07 in the afternoon. And yes, I do hate him."

"Lies!" Fred's voice cried out again.

I chuckled and wrapped my arm tightly around Alice's waist, drawing her flush against my body. She curled into the nook of my shoulder, resting her head against my chest, and I smiled down at her on instinct. Burying a kiss into her hair, I had the sudden thought that already, this birthday topped all of my others.

Yawning, I said, "Hey, I have an idea. Let's just stay here all day."

"We're going to class," she argued almost immediately.

"Or we could skip," I said with a grin. "That can be your birthday gift for me."

"I already got you a gift."

"I say the more gifts the better."

"And I say we're going to class."

I made a face. "It should be illegal to have to think on your birthday," I groaned.

"You don't bother thinking on days that aren't your birthday. Why would you start today— _eek, stop tickling me_!" she laughed, squirming away from my touch.

I drew her back towards me, a laugh at the end of my lips as I leaned over to kiss her. She was still giggling as our mouths met, but both of our laughter died out as our lips moved in unison.

"You're not going to make me change my mind about us going to class by kissing me," she whispered against my lips.

"Hey, a guy can try," I teased, capturing her mouth with mine once again. My hand traveled down the curve of her back and rested on her waist as I teased her lips with the tip of my tongue. She pressed her body into mine, an electric current of heat surging through our lusting bodies.

"Oy, you lovebirds, will you quit making out over there! Breakfast will be over in a half hour!"

And this is why we usually leave the snogging to the privacy of her own bedroom.

I groaned as Alice pulled away from me, tugging open the hangings and shooting Fred a rather perturbed look. "Someone sounds jealous that they weren't the one being woken up with a kiss this morning."

"I have my own girlfriend, thank you very much," he drawled. "But I appreciate the proposition, AliCat. Does your boyfriend know you're seducing other men?"

I stifled a laugh as Alice glared at my cousin. "Where in my statement did I say you were jealous that you weren't the one being woken up with a kiss _by me_?" she huffed. "And I don't need to seduce other men, my man keeps me plenty happy all on his own."

"Damn straight," I teased, wrapping my arm around her torso and pulling her back towards her.

"That can't possibly be true, AliCat. You're dating James, remember?" Fred said dismissively as he threw on his Gryffindor sweater.

I decided it would be a really good idea to chuck my pillow at him. Until I realized that that then left me without a pillow.

"Your aim needs works, Mr. So-called Star Chaser," Fred laughed as he ducked out of the way. "And the shower's about to be free. Merlin knows you need one."

"Seems to me you took care of my shower for me earlier this morning."

"Darn, didn't think to throw shampoo in with the water," Dash chimed in from where he was digging for his school uniform. "Bloody hell, how can I lose a tie overnight?"

"Just steal one of Jessup's," I drawled, pointing to the many Gryffindor ties that were hanging from his bedpost.

"I heard that," Parker said, venturing out of the bathroom. He stopped short and scowled. "What in Merlin's name is a girl doing in our dorm?"

"Oh, look, Jessup has finally learned what a girl is," I smirked as I reluctantly climbed off the bed and headed towards the open bathroom.

"You forget that I have a girlfriend now," he shot back.

"You say girlfriend. I say girl who is using you for shameless snogging to make her ex-boyfriend jealous," I retorted, flashing him a smile.

"Oy, don't bring me into this," Dash muttered. "Aha!" he cried out, pulling a tie out from the bottom of his trunk.

"She's not doing such a great job of trying to make him jealous when we're snogging in all sorts of private places of the castle," Parker shot back at me with a growl.

"Like I said, shameless snogging," I drawled.

"Will you just get into the shower already?" Fred groaned at me, pointing back towards the now available bathroom. "I'm hungry and you're bickering is making me hungrier."

I rolled my eyes but seeing as I was in no mood to get into an argument with Parker on my birthday, I let it go. "Yeah, yeah, I'm going," I said, disappearing through the bathroom door. Hesitating, I poked my head out and glanced at Alice. "Hey, Ace, you want-"

"I'm not joining you, Jay."

Busted.

"That's not what I was going to say!" I lied.

Her eyebrow popped up.

"Yeah, alright, that was totally what I was going to say," I said sheepishly.

As Dash and Fred roared with laughter as I shut the bathroom door and reluctantly jumped into the shower by myself.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

 _"Happy Birthday dear Jaaaaaames. Happy Birthday to you_!"

"Oy, you all have terrible singing voices!" I groaned at my various relatives who thought it would be amusing to bombard me in the hallway with a terribly harmonized rendition of the Happy Birthday song. Lucy was the only one who seemed to know what a pitch was. The others were all over the place. My ears were on fire by the time they finished.

Okay, fine, I didn't hate it nearly as much as I was pretending to.

I mean, it's not every day you get serenaded in the hallway.

"We should have just left the singing up to Luce," Fred said with an overdramatic sigh. "At least she can hold a tune."

"And what would the rest of us have done? Stand around looking like her pathetic groupies?" Rose drawled.

"We could have come up with a dance!"

"How does one dance to Happy Birthday?" Roxy drawled.

"I don't know but we have a whole other year to find out."

"Not really," Lily chimed in. "Seeing as next year some of you will be graduated, including this here birthday boy."

I ducked as Lily attempted to ruffle my hair and was about to comment when Rose spoke up. "You say that like it's not a possibility he'll fail out and have to repeat his seventh year."

I thought it was a really good idea to put Rose into a headlock, though her shriek told me she didn't think it was a good idea at all. She eventually struggled free and shoved me, shooting me a glare. "I can't wait to get rid of you."

"You can't say in one sentence I'll be repeating this year and in the next tell me you'll be happy when I'm gone," I pointed out with a cheeky grin.

That time, she tried putting me in a headlock but I scooted out of the way before she could get to me.

"You might want to consider being less snarky if you expect me to buy you a drink tonight for your birthday," Rose huffed.

"When have you ever bought me a drink, Rosie?"

"What are you guys doing tonight?" Lucy asked.

Silence filled the hallway.

"Going to sleep early," I commented.

Lucy looked at me and burst into laughter. "You know I'm not five anymore, right?" she giggled. "I know all about how you sneak out of the castle to get wasted."

We all cringed, though Fred couldn't help but let out a laugh at that. "How the heck do you even know what 'get wasted' means, Goose?"

"I have about ten cousins to thank for that," she pointed out. "And I'm going to be late for Potions if I don't get going. Happy Birthday, James."

I thanked her and she took off. "Guys, I think we're corrupting the youngest of the Weasley clan," I said with a dramatic sigh.

"There's no 'think' about it," Rose smirked, shaking her head at me. "You're definitely corrupting her."

I shoved her shoulder but she barely stumbled. "Well, to take one out of Lucy's book, I've got to head to class. You all might want to consider the same," she said.

"Those words would be better directed at my brother and Fred," Lily snorted as she followed Rose down the hallway.

Fred and I said our goodbyes to Roxanne and headed off to Defense Against the Dark Arts.

"I noticed Al was absent during your lovely serenade," I commented.

He looked slightly put off by my statement. "And that somehow matters to you?"

"Not at all. I was simply making an observation."

My brother and I have had one hell of a complicated relationship recently. We used to just ignore each other outright, pretend the other didn't exist, but the past month had us singing a wildly different tune. Ever since he got blindsided by the supposed love of his life, he and I have had our share of unexpected conversations. Some good, some not so good. I wasn't going to pretend that anything changed between us for there would always be that underlying resentment with one another but I oddly didn't feel the same amount of hatred towards him than I might have used to.

Shit, was this what growing up felt like?

Ignoring thoughts of my brother, I glanced down at my watch as we descended the stairs. We were going to be a few minutes late to Defense class but I figured I could play the 'it's my birthday' card to Professor Macmillan and he'd let it slide.

As Fred and rounded the corner towards the classroom, I was slightly surprised to see Alice leaning up against the wall outside the door. Glancing at my watch, we were five minutes late so I couldn't imagine what she was doing outside of class.

"Jay," she greeted tensely, pushing herself off the wall and making my way towards you.

"I hear it's easier to learn things when you're actually _in_ the classro-"

"Your dad is here."

I stared at her. "What?"

She grimaced. "You know how every few years he steps in to teach a Defense class?" she said with an apologetic shrug. "Well, surprise, he's here today."

I wondered if it was too late to turn around and walk away.

"You've got to be kidding me," I growled.

She shook her head sullenly. "Unfortunately, no."

Frowning, I said irritably, "So nice of him to warn me."

"If he warned you, you wouldn't have shown up," Fred pointed out, clapping me on the back. "C'mon, let's get this over with."

I was very much still debating walking away but Alice had grabbed my hand so tightly that I had no choice but to walk into that classroom.

In doing so, I immediately met the gaze of my father who was chatting amicably with Professor Macmillan at the front of the room. "So nice of you all to finally show up," my father spoke with a clear edge.

"You can blame your barmy nieces and nephews for that," I drawled and without bothering to explain I followed Fred towards our usual table in the back of the room while Alice slid into the seat beside Dash at the table right in front of ours. I dropped my bag on to my table with a loud thump and fell into the chair with a sigh.

I could feel my father's eyes on me but I refused to look up as he began to speak.

"Good morning, class," he greeted and because apparently everyone was so incredibly enthralled by _the_ Harry Potter, I saw far too many students sit up straight, eager to hear all about the greatness that Dad achieved twenty-something years ago. "It's been two years since I last accepted the offer to be a visiting professor for a day but I do recall thinking that your year was exceptionally bright, so I do hope we all get to spend today reminding me just how great your minds are."

I wondered if hurling all over my table would get me out of class.

"Professor Macmillan and I go way back," he continued. "We were in the same year at school together and were both members of the infamous Dumbledore's Army."

Eager eyes grew wider, giddy smiles jumped on to faces, and there was a slow murmur of excited chatter at the slightest inclination that my father was about to regale us with war stories.

I wanted to laugh at them because the last thing my father ever did was talk about the war.

"So when he knew he would be diving into the very unfortunate lesson of Unforgivables, he asked if I'd like to lead the class on the subject," my father continued.

Faces fell when they all realized that my father was not in fact there to provide details on his time running Dumbledore's Army.

"There have been many arguments made that learning about Unforgivables is unnecessary at such a young age as we no longer live in the dark times myself and Professor Macmillan lived in growing up," my father continued, coming around the desk to stand in front of the class. "But the truth is, these Curses are still used today. Not frequently. Quite sporadically actually. But they exist and I think it's important for everyone to have the basic knowledge of what they are and what they do."

I glanced over at Fred who looked as bored as I did. I knew that I wasn't the only one who hated it when my father paid the school a visit. One of the few things that my cousins and I could agree on was that we had never craved the spotlight that came with secondhand celebrity notoriety and when my father wandered the Hogwarts walls, suddenly we all became very superficially popular for the sole reason that we were all related to the Chosen One.

"Who here can tell me what an Unforgivable Curse is?" my father continued, leaning back against the desk with crossed arms.

Did he think we were all living under a rock? How could any seventeen-year-old (or in my recent case, eighteen-year-old) student _not_ know what the bloody hell an Unforgiveable was?

Several hands shot into the air. No, actually, nearly every hand in the room shot into the air. Too many hands. Hands that have never once considered participating were now in the air. All because they wanted to show off to Father Dearest.

Apparently my father wasn't the only fraud in the room.

Dad called on Callum Finch. Beaming, he said, "They are banned Curses that are strictly forbidden for use and will send the user straight to jail for life without a trial."

Finch shouldn't look so proud of that answer. Any single person in the room could have answered that.

"Correct," Dad said with a nod. "And how many Curses are there?"

I'm convinced Dad thought we were all five years old. These questions were borderline absurd.

"Three," called out Kenley without even bothering to raise her hand. "And I think Callum's answer could be modified. There are trials for those who use an Unforgivable and have evidence they did so under the Imperius Curse."

Callum looked like he wanted to throttle Kenley, something I found to be very amusing. Until I realized I disliked Kenley Brown just as much as I disliked Callum Finch so neither of them looking smug gave me any pleasure.

Fred nudged me and I glanced over at him. He had started a hangman game on the bottom of his parchment and I grinned. I grabbed a quill out of my bag and glancing down at the five-word blank phrase, I scribbled E on the bottom. Fred shook his head and drew the hangman's head.

"That is partly correct," my father responded to Kenley. "A trial for an Unforgivable has not been held since the Second Wizarding World as that was the last time Imperius Curses were used for the purpose of casting another Unforgivable. It is more common in today's times that witches and wizards are using the Imperius Curse against someone for trivial crimes, such as petty theft or extortion. It's someone's way of trying to cover their tracks should the person they Imperiused get caught."

I wrote A on Fred's parchment and he filled in two blanks towards the end. I asked for the I as well and he gave me one.

"So now that we're discussing the Imperius Curse, does someone want to tell me exactly what it does?"

As more hands shot into the air, I caught Alice glancing over her shoulder towards me. I flashed her a smile but she barely looked at me, noticing instead the hangman game. Her eyebrow popped up as she met my gaze and I just shrugged. She rolled her eyes but I saw a hint of a smile on her face as she turned back around to face the front of the class.

It was Rudy who got called on. "The Imperius Curse gives someone the ability to completely control the mind of another."

"Correct. Who can name the two other Curses?"

Dash provided the answer of the Cruciatus Curse and Bristol provided the Avada Kedavra Curse. Meanwhile, I requested an O from Fred and he gave me two.

"Now why don't we aim for a harder question?" my father continued.

Oh, so he admits his questions have been stupid thus far?

I asked Fred about an R and I got two. Then I asked for a T and got one.

"Why do you think the use of Unforgivables has been in a steady decline since the Second Wizarding War?"

Not nearly as many hands went into the air. I noticed the pensive and yet hesitant look on Alice's face and I had a feeling that she may have ventured a guess but out of respect for me, she was remaining quiet. I wasn't sure if that made me feel happy or guilty. She _was_ by far the smartest person in the room so if anyone could venture a decent guess that might hold some truth to it, it would be her.

I wrote L on Fred's parchment and he shook his head, drawing the torso of his hangman.

"Well, there's not exactly some pureblood-hungry tyrant out there trying to take over the world anymore, is there," spoke Kye and I stifled a laugh at the mocking tone in her voice.

Dad clearly took it as a joke because he chuckled. "Yes, that certainly helps. But let's take that a step further. Without Lord Voldemort, what does that leave us?"

"With a whole bunch of idiot Death Eaters in jail, that's what," Fred muttered under his breath beside me. I couldn't stifle my laughter that time and I saw Dad's eyes flicker my way with clear disapproval.

"Something you want to say, James?" my father urged.

"Nope" was all I said.

He frowned but didn't push it, turning to face the rest of the class. "Well, does anyone else want to venture a guess to my question?"

No hands went into the air that time and I wondered if Dad was reconsidering his original statement that we were all bright students.

I poked Alice in the back with my quill. She glanced over her shoulder and I nodded towards my father. It was my way of telling her to answer the question and the hesitance in her eyes told me she picked up on that. I nodded again for reassurance. With a lopsided smile, she turned back around and tossed her hand into the air.

"Yes, Miss Longbottom?"

Oh, sure, I was "James" to him but she got to be "Miss Longbottom" as if my father hasn't known Alice since birth.

I scribbled an S on Fred's parchment. He filled in the first letter of the phrase with the S.

"Well, with Voldemort gone and most of his supporters sentenced to Azkaban, that leaves very few people who even know how to cast an Unforgivable," Alice explained. "They aren't easy Curses to master. You almost certainly have to witness them firsthand or be taught in order to fully grasp the intricacies of each curse. They take great skill and willpower and are nearly impossible without the right kind of motivation. Or, I suppose one could argue, the wrong kind of motivation."

My father smiled at her. "That is exactly the answer I was looking for, Miss Longbottom. Now, I'm not saying they have completely fallen off the map. We do not live in a perfect world regrettably but there has been a steady decline of these Curses over the past twenty years and I certainly hope it stays that way."

As my father continued with his lesson on Curses that apparently are fairly useless to learn about, I tuned him out and just focused on playing hangman with my cousin. I had gotten to the point where all of the letters were filled in but four and I knew the phrase. With a sigh, I filled in the blanks to write: _So much for Happy Birthday_

I couldn't help but agree with Fred there.

When class finally came to an end, I made a beeline towards the exit but my dad stopped right in front of me before I could escape and said, "May I have a word, James?"

I looked over at Alice and Fred helplessly, the former who smiled and the latter who grimaced, before I reluctantly waved them off.

"What is it, Dad?" I sighed, leaning back against the first-row table.

"Do you make it a habit of walking into class late?" he questioned.

Oh, for Merlin's sake, _that's_ what he wanted to talk to me about?

"No," I scoffed, "But my melodramatic cousins decided to stop me in the hallway on the way to class to serenade me with Hap—a song."

I couldn't be sure why but I didn't want to alert Dad of the very annoying reminder that he just so happened to pick my birthday as the day he would come to the school and play Professor.

"And if you really just wanted to keep me after class to discuss my tardiness, you would have kept Fred back, too, and yet I don't see him anywhere," I pointed out.

He frowned. "I suppose a father just can't say hello to his son, is that it?"

I couldn't help my snarky response. "Not when said son is away at boarding school and said father is not supposed to be here," I drawled. "Thanks for randomly showing up here without so much as a heads-up, by the way."

"That would have been like handing you an invitation to skip class," he contested.

Clearly he knew me better than I thought.

"Though I'm not sure that would have made much of a difference seeing as you didn't pay attention to anything I was saying," he spoke, his eyebrow peaking upward.

Sighing, I said, "Dad, do you honestly think it's easy for me to be sitting in a class that my father is teaching?"

"Alice seems to have no problem doing it with her own father."

Yeah, well, Alice actually liked her father.

"She's had six years of practice," I drawled. "And her father isn't Harry freaking Potter."

My father seemed taken aback by that. "What do you mean by that?"

I shot him a look. "You know full well what that means. You're viewed as some sort of celebrity in our world who everybody just loves to fawn over. This isn't brand new information, Dad."

"I know," he murmured, flinching at my description of him. "I don't like it any more than you do, James."

While there were so many parts of me that resented my father, the one thing I could commiserate with him over was how much he hated the notoriety that came with the unrequested celebrity status. As much as I couldn't stand being treated differently just because I was Harry Potter's son, I knew he hated being treated differently just because he was Harry Potter. Sometimes all we both wanted was a normal life.

But that didn't change how awkward and uncomfortable it was being in a classroom while my famous father stood at the front of it trying to teach us all about the wonderful world of magic.

"Well, then the next time someone asks you to fill in as a bloody visiting professor," I drawled, "Say no."

Dad's expression grew with irritation. "Watch your mouth, James."

I did what I always did and rolled my eyes. "Did you really have to choose today of all days to come to my school?"

Hesitation settled into his expression. "James, despite you clearly thinking so, I don't come to this school to embarrass you. I come here because I want you and the rest of your generation to understand that the world is the way it is today because so many of us fought long and hard to give you a better life than the one we got. I'm just trying to get you to appreciate all that you have."

I noticed that he didn't comment on the "today of all days" part I mentioned.

"You know what I would appreciate right now?" I drawled, pulling myself away from the table and glancing towards the door. "Leaving."

"Of course you'd like that," he spoke with just a tad more bitterness than I was expecting. "You seem to find it very easy resenting me but not so easy talking to me about it."

Oh but of course Dad was blaming me for all of our problems. When would the father in him accept his own accountability?

And maybe I wouldn't be so irrationally angry with my father for trying to talk to me if he tried to talk to me on a day that wasn't my birthday.

"Are you actually trying to extort a conversation out of me right now?" I growled.

He gaped at me. "Is that what I have to do to have a conversation with you? Force one out of you?"

I shrugged coolly. "Even then, I doubt I'd have one," I spoke bluntly. "But you know a surefire way to not get a conversation out of me? Showing up at my boarding school under the pretense of visiting professor on _today of all days_."

He grew quiet, an unexpected sadness flickering in his gaze. "Does wanting to see my son on his birthday make me such a bad father?"

Yes.

Okay, maybe not but that didn't mean it annoyed me any less.

But hey, at least he was aware it was my birthday. For a moment I had wondered if he had forgotten.

"This is the one day out of the year that's for me. _Me_. Not the son of Harry Potter but James. Just…James. And you just had to find a way to take that away from me," I drawled, hoisting my bag on to my shoulder. "I already get upstaged by you enough as it is, Dad. But thank you so much for going out of your bloody way to find yet another method to do so."

I rushed off towards the door but my father refused to let that be the last word.

"I never wanted you or Al or Lily to go through your lives living in my shadow," he practically pleaded. "I never wanted to upstage you, James. I never wanted any of this."

I stopped at the door against my better judgment and turned around. "Maybe you didn't want it," I murmured. "But you had to have expected it."

There was a flash of guilt in his eyes that told me he had in fact expected it, he just pretended not to. Which wasn't all that surprising. Just like I wasn't that great at expressing my emotions, neither was my father.

"What I never expected was for my own kids to hate me for it."

I stared at my father, struggling to find the right words to say. This was not the conversation I wanted to be having. I didn't want to be having this conversation at all. I didn't want my father here. I didn't want to be spending any part of my birthday with him. I wanted to escape, to find a hole in the wall to crawl into and lounge the day away to avoid not just my father but everyone else suddenly pretending to be my best friend just because my father was somewhere in the castle. _I didn't want him there._ I didn't want him at all.

"What I hate is that you think you can make up for a lifetime of being a shitty father by showing up for one birthday," I snapped. "Next time, _just send a goddamned postcard_."

I hastily rushed out the door, ignoring my father as he tried calling out to me.

Fred was right.

 _So much for a Happy Birthday_.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

You know what I'm going to remember most about my eighteenth birthday?

How much I wanted it to be over.

My dad got 364 days out of the year where people could fawn over him. I only got one day out of the year for me and he found a way to ruin that.

Just like he found a way to ruin everything else.

My birthday was supposed to put a smile on my face a and instead, I spent most of the day shoving people away from me. My birthday quickly became forgotten as people asked me questions about what it was like being Harry Potter's son. I got bombarded with flirting girls who suddenly found me incredibly alluring, and jealous guys I had never spoken one word to were coming up to me pretending to be my best friend as some backwards way of impressing my father. No one cared about me. I wasn't James on that day. I was Harry Potter's son. It was all I'd ever get to be. And the fact that I had ever thought I could be someone different was cl;early nothing but a pipe dream.

I had never wanted a day to end so quickly before in my entire life.

As I strolled into the Great Hall that night for dinner, I ignored the many people pointing at me. I tuned out the whispers of my father's "awesome" lectures from the day. I pretended not to notice the girls smiling at me and the guys staring at me.

I dropped on to the bench opposite Alice. "Hey, Ace, remember that suggestion I had this morning about skipping class?" I drawled. "Remind me why we didn't do that?"

She leaned over and not even caring about the millions of stares I was already getting, she kissed me and I really wished in that moment it was just me and her back in her room alone without the rest of the world's noses in my business.

But the kiss only lasted a second and then it was back to the normal world of busybodies and gossips. As I loaded my plate with shepherd's pie, I said, "Where's Fred?"

Alice shrugged. "I don't know but he skipped his afternoon classes," she pointed out.

I said nothing.

"As did you."

I looked up at her expecting there to be disappointment in her eyes. Instead, I saw concern. And somehow that made me feel worse.

"I know," I mumbled. "Call me a coward, but I couldn't do it. I couldn't face anyone. All any of our braindead classmates seem to care about right now is sucking up to me because of him. I mean, are they really that daft that they think fawning over me will bring them any sort of attention from Daddy Dearest?"

I could tell she was torn between scolding me for skiving and just nodding in understanding. She was saved from having to pick an option when Fred dropped on to the bench beside us. "I hate people" was his greeting to us.

"Join the club," I snorted.

Alice was looking suspiciously at Fred. "Why do you hate people?"

"Just do," he grumbled, chucking a biscuit into his mouth while he poured an entire village's portion of food on to his plate.

Alice's eyes narrowed. "Have you been drinking?"

"No," he said a little too quickly as he became suddenly interested in his mashed potatoes.

Damn, I hadn't even considered hitting the bottle. I spent most of the afternoon on the Quidditch pitch as that seemed to be the only place I could actually clear my head of thoughts of my father.

"Please tell there's some liquor left in our room," I pleaded.

"Jay," Alice groaned at the same time that Fred shrugged. He said nothing as he continued to focus on the food on his plate.

I just sighed. "Please tell me that today is almost over," I muttered, a sinking feeling settling into the pit of my stomach.

"You and me both," Fred muttered.

"Don't say that, Jay," Alice argued, reaching over to squeeze my hand. "We'll get out of this castle for a while, drink a shit ton of alcohol, hang out with your friends who like you because of you and not because of your father, and we'll have some actual _fun_. I promise."

I could hear the desperation in her voice and it almost made me smile because I knew that all she wanted was for me to have a memorable birthday.

Well, to be fair, this one was certainly going to be memorable. Just not in the way I had hoped.

"Yeah, okay," I said with a nod and I realized how much I was actually looking forward to getting outside the castle walls.

"It'll be good for us," Fred finally spoke as if he needed to convince me. "We are going to get you so fucked up, you are going to forget your own name."

"As long as it's my last name I forget, I might be okay with that."

Neither seemed to know what to say to that either, so they pretended to be busy eating their dinners. We only stuck around for another few minutes, enough to shovel the necessary amount of food down our throats, before Penny Briggs wandered over to me to tell me that my father's hair was just as luscious as mine.

I promptly abandoned my dinner and headed towards the exit with Alice and Fred right on my heels.

We were heading up the main stairwell when an unexpected voice stopped me in the tracks.

"What the hell did you say to Dad?"

I was on the fifth step when I stopped and turned around, narrowing my eyes at my brother. "That's not really any of your business, is it," I huffed.

He rolled his eyes at me. "Why do you insist on being such an arse to him? What the hell did he ever do to you?"

I had no idea why my father was talking to Albus about me or what he even said, if anything, but all of it rubbed me the wrong way. "He decided to have kids, that's what he did," I sneered.

"Oh, and that's such a terrible thing?"

Yes.

"Don't pretend you like it when he plays professor for a day," I snapped at him. "You hate it just as much as the rest of us do. It's awkward and tiresome and suddenly, everyone wants to be our best friend because our dad is somewhere in the castle and they think that they can somehow get to him through us. It's positively unnerving and I know you feel the same."

Albus looked like he wasn't sure what to say but eventually he sighed. "You're right, I don't love how people react when he shows up here," he murmured, "But that's on them, not him."

"If he wasn't here, there'd be nothing for people to react to," I growled.

"So you decide to go and attack Dad because of that? That is some serious passive-aggressiveness right there."

My eyebrow popped up. "Is that what he said? That I attacked him."

"He didn't have to say anything. I could see clear as day that something happened between you two."

I glared at him. "For fuck's sake, Al, he bloody shows up out of the blue on my goddamned birthday and he wonders why I'm so on edge?"

He rolled his eyes at me. "You just love looking for any excuse to hate him, don't you?"

That struck a real nerve with me because I hadn't been the only one who forced our relationship into a crappy one. But of course Albus didn't see it that way. He worshipped the ground our father walked on and never saw any fault in him. It was sickening.

"Let's get one thing straight, Al," I seethed, "The father you have is an entirely different one than the one I have so how about you just back the hell of?"

Once again, I tried walking away and once again, he wouldn't let me. "No, we have the same damned father, James, you just refuse to treat him like one!"

"Oh, he did not just say that" was the quiet groan that came from Fred.

I almost forgot that he was standing there.

But he was right to say what he did. Whatever strange phase we had been going through lately was just that. A phase. I couldn't confuse our random moments of toleration for actual kindness or even genuine care. We were too different. I was the son who never did anything right and who resented our family for turning me into a puppet for the press. Albus was the perfect saint who always gave our family the benefit of the doubt even when they hardly deserved it. We lived in two different worlds. We played two different roles. We had two different experiences. We were two completely different people and the only thing we shared was a surname.

"Maybe I'll treat him like a father when he treats me like his son," I hissed.

The only time Albus ever seemed to have his own voice was when he was defending Dad so I was expecting further frustration out of him. What I was not expecting was a full-blown outburst.

" _Maybe you deserve to be treated like the shitty person you are_ ," he snapped at me. "You are so selfish and you pretend not to be. You don't seem to care or even acknowledge the fact that our parents went through hell to give us the very cushy life we have now. No, you just prefer to hate them for things that were never in their control. They fought years worth of a war and lost a lot of good people, probably even lost a little bit of themselves, to make sure that we got the life that they didn't. So what if our father is famous and by association, so are we? Why does that have to be such a terrible thing? Maybe our life isn't as normal as other people's but that doesn't mean you can turn it into some tragedy or scandal. This is your life, too, not just his so maybe you should stop blaming him when you're the one who decided to hate him for no bloody good reason!"

I wanted to punch him or wring his neck or hex him into a coma but there would be very little point, for it was so obvious that while he was the one voicing the words, his words belonged to my father.

"Wow, so our dad is getting you to do his dirty work for him, is he?" I sneered at my brother.

That confused Albus but only for a moment before the anger once again set in. "This is me talking, not him!" he groaned.

"Oh, bullshit," I snapped. "Everything you're saying is a carbon copy of everything I know Daddy Dearest feels himself. And I don't need you saying a bunch of shit that Dad put into your head, Al. I don't need you to speak on his behalf, to defend him like everyone else always does, including our own mother. I don't need you to pretend like you have a clue what my relationship with _my_ father is. _This has nothing to do with you so fuck off_."

"Don't you dare tell me this has nothing to do with me," he argued. "This is my family, too! And you are so-"

 _"Then take them because I don't want them!"_

Silence filled the hallway and it was only in that moment that I realized how many people had trickled out of the Great Hall to witness the petty argument between the two Potter brothers. It should have unnerved me but I was so far past the point of caring that to me, it made no difference whether I had this argument in public or private.

"Life doesn't work that way, James. Whether you like it or not, you're a goddamned Potter," my brother spoke, more irritated than I've ever seen him before.

I wanted to strut down the stairs and punch my brother in the nose but somehow I found enough self-control to stay put. "I don't need you to remind me I'm a Potter," I sneered, "I'm reminded of that every bloody day. With every new article the press releases about me and my rebellious life. Every time some random girl smiles at me because of my last name. Every time someone asks me all about dear old Dad. With every comparison to Dad I get from a bloody professor. Every time someone's eyes light up when they realize who I am. I don't need my own bloody brother telling me who I am because I get enough of that from the rest of the world. So I'm not going to say it again, Al: _fuck off_."

I whirled around and started to disappear up the stairs but a new voice chimed in.

"That is no way to speak to your brother, James."

I froze midway up the stairs and slowly turned around to face my very shocked father. "Ah, but of course you show up right in time to defend Al for being the perfect child he is."

"I am not perfect," Al muttered.

To Dad you are.

"Oh, I know," I said instead. "If you were, Kat probably wouldn't have found a reason to sleep with someone else."

Albus gaped at me in shock while Dad reprimanded me. "You are way out of line, son," my dad sighed. "You're mad at me so take it out on me. Don't take it out on your brother."

"I'm not mad," I drawled. "I just don't give a shit. Maybe you can boss me around at home-though let's be real, when was the last time I ever really listened to anything you had to say-but you can't tell me what to do or how to act here at school. You have no authority over me, over anyone, so how about you huddle up with Al and you can both figure out a way to _leave me the hell alone_?"

I could see my father's eyes flitting around at the crowd of students surrounding us, which wasn't all that surprising as I doubt he was looking to be degraded by his own son with a bunch of teenage witnesses watching on.

"I may not have the authority as your father but I do have some authority as your visiting professor," he said in his usual warning tone. "So how about we take this conversation elsewhere before we start to make a scene?"

I think we surpassed making a scene the moment Albus called out to me.

"How about we don't because I'm not looking to have any kind of conversation with you at all?" I spoke coolly. "I gotta go, Dad. See you at Easter."

I turned on my heel and quickly hastened up the stairwell and out of sight, ignoring my father's pleas for a second time that day.

It really infuriated me that Albus had found it so necessary to call me out on my supposed bad behavior when it had nothing to do with him. He didn't understand. He never would. Just because he admired and respected our father didn't mean I had to. We were allowed to have different opinions. He didn't see eleven years worth of lying and deception wrong or immoral. He had never understood why I had felt so betrayed. But he wasn't the first Potter to enter Hogwarts. I had the chance to warn him what it was like. To tell him how everyone treated us. To inform him of the incessant questions and the curiosity about a world I was supposed to know but didn't. He didn't have the same experience I had because he knew what to expect. I hadn't known. I was blind-sided and unprepared and I was completely caught off-guard.

And for the next six years, my father doted on Albus and treated him like the son he had always wanted and expected. I had become an outsider in my own family, unsuspectingly shunned because I wasn't the person Dad had wanted me to be. My father didn't know how to handle my rebellious ways and my disobedient mouth and at some point, he just gave up. Maybe I pushed him to his breaking point, or maybe he pushed me to mine, but either way, we were living in two completely different worlds that I was convinced now more than ever would never remerge.

I found myself veering towards Alice's room instead of my own and I dropped on to her bed and waited for her, staring up at the ceiling as I wondered what was supposed to be so great about birthdays anyway.

Thirty minutes passed and Alice hadn't returned to her room, causing me to grow perhaps a bit too antsy. I was trying not to focus on my father or Albus' words but that was nearly impossible with the solitude I was suddenly forced into.

Crawling off her bed, I ventured into her bathroom and threw cold water on my face as I prayed that a night out of the castle would be exactly what the doctor ordered. I had a feeling it might just be wishful thinking but at least if I was surrounded by a crowd full of other people, there was far more of a chance of me ignoring the ache in my heart.

Wiping my face on her towel, I trekked back into her room again. I ran my fingers long the spines of the many books in her bookshelf, a combination of textbooks and novels, before moving on to her somewhat messy desk. Her sketchpad was flipped open so I picked it up and started glancing through it. I smiled at the handful of watercolors for I knew she didn't have a whole lot of time to paint anymore so sketching was all she really focused on. But the colors on the page really popped and every landscape I looked at gave me an unexpected feeling of calmness.

Leave it to Alice to put a smile on my face even when she wasn't there.

I dropped the sketchpad back on to her desk and in doing so, I froze for there was an envelope addressed to Alice with very familiar handwriting.

Handwriting that definitely belonged to my father.

But why would my father be writing Alice?

I reached for it but in doing so, I heard quiet footsteps making their way up Alice's stairwell. Seconds later, Alice appeared in the doorway, greeting me with a sad smile. "I went to your room first," she said.

"I figured," I said. "But I thought if Dad was going to come after me, that'd be where he'd go."

"I know," she said with a nod.

She made her way over to me with every intention of kissing me, but I cut her off before she could. "Why is my father writing to you?"

She froze, taking a cautious step back. "What?"

I pushed the sketchpad aside and held up the envelope with my father's writing. "I know my father and I haven't exactly written to each other in Merlin even knows how long but I think I know what his handwriting looks like."

Shock and panic flooded to her eyes. "You read my mail?"

I shook my head. "No," I said. "I read the envelope."

She frowned. "It's not what you think."

"I think my father is writing you and I'd like to know why."

She said nothing at first, her eyes meeting mine with an incredible amount of hesitance. She opened her mouth a few times before closing it which only had me thinking that whatever my father wrote, it couldn't have been good.

"He was writing to me as Head Girl, not as anything else," she eventually said with a sigh, turning away from my scrutinizing gaze.

My eyes narrowed. "What?"

"He had heard about Al's little stunt with Scorpius on the Quidditch pitch and he just wanted to know why his son had resorted to violence."

That made very little sense and yet I wasn't completely surprised that my father was worried about his perfect son, especially when that son perhaps wasn't acting so perfect after all. "And why was he asking you? It's not like you were there."

"Because he had a feeling I'd know more than my father would have," she said with a shrug. "It was nothing, Jay. Don't read anything into it."

Don't read anything into it? It's just another example of my father caring more about my brother than me.

"I don't even know why I bothered to ask," I grumbled. "I'm so tired of talking about my brother or my father. I'm just…I'm so tired."

She closed the gap between us, wrapping her arms tightly around my shoulders and drawing me towards her. Her lips touched mine, a tender kiss that somehow was exactly what I needed.

When she pulled away, she rested her forehead against mine and asked, "Answer me honestly, Jay. Are you okay?"

Not even a little bit.

"Depends. When are tonight's festivities supposed to start?" I deflected.

She smiled at me. "Whenever you want them to."

"Good. I say we start them now."

She nodded and kissed me again. "I thought you might say that. Fred's grabbing your jacket and he's meeting us here in a few minutes."

If I could have smiled, I would have. But I still had Dad on the brain.

"You know what that gives us time to do?" I said with a quirked eyebrow.

"The moment I take my shirt off is the moment Fred appears at that door," she drawled, shaking her head.

I actually laughed at that. Thank you, Alice, for always knowing exactly what to say to cheer me up.

"Not what I was thinking though I really like where your head is at," I teased, capturing her lips with mine.

"Well, then, what were you thinking?"

Winking at her, I stepped out of her embrace and headed over to her wireless radio. I turned the dial and the Bumbling Bludgers' voices filled the room with their latest hit "Love's a Snitch and So Are You."

When I turned back around to face her, Alice was sitting up with a look of awe on her face. " _You_ want to dance it out?"

I nodded. "I want to dance it out with you, Ace," I spoke softly, holding out my hand to her.

With a smile, she took my hand and stepped into my arms. "There's not a person in the world I'd rather dance with, James Potter."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I was well on my way to getting drunk when the Pumpkin Patch became infested with other students. Fred, Alice, and I had been there for an hour before anyone else showed up, somehow managing to ignore the very awkward subject of my dear old Pops, but I was happy for even more distractions when the door opened and in walked Dash, Jax, and Rose, quickly followed by my sister and CJ. Next was Hugo and Cass, and last to arrive was Reese.

"It always blows my mind that you're friends with Greengrass," Rose said with a shake of the head.

I shrugged. "I tried hating her for the sole reason that her cousin's an ass but she's too damned witty to hate."

"My cousin is an ass, too, but you don't see me hating you, now do you?" Rose smirked.

I glanced at her. "Uh, one, you better be talking about another cousin. And two, I thought you hated everyone."

She hesitated. "Oh, right."

We all laughed as Reese met up with us. "Happy Birthday, James," she greeted, dropping a drink on to the table and sliding it over to me. "Don't say I never got you anything."

"Ooh, my favorite kind of gift. Alcohol!"

The table erupted in laughter except for Fred who was eyeing the drink suspiciously. "Don't trust it, mate," he slurred and I wondered how much he had had to drink already. "She could have drugged it or poisoned it to take you out of the match next month."

Reese rolled her eyes. "That match is a month away. What drug or poison is out there that would render someone immobile for an entire _month_?"

"One that could render him immobile for life," Fred shot back.

She blinked. "Have you always been an idiot?"

"Yes" was my quick response and Fred dug his boney elbow into my side. "Oy, I don't think you're supposed to be hitting the birthday boy!"

"I am if the birthday boy is you," he countered with a smirk before glancing back towards Reese. "So I think it's time we play a little game called 'It's Time to Get to Know Reese Greengrass.'"

Reese stared at him. "I think it's time we play a little game called no fucking way."

He laughed. "Well, aren't you a cheeky one. Why did you decide to befriend the dear birthday boy anyway? Don't you know that Slytherins are supposed to hate the infamous Potter boy?"

"His brother, also a Potter, is a Slytherin."

"I rest my case," Fred snorted. "Or did you happen to miss the argument of the century this evening?"

I glared at Fred. "That's it, you're cut off," I scoffed, trying to grab the drink out of his hand. He was too fast for me, swiping it out of my reach and grinning as he downed the rest of it.

"All family is complicated," Reese said with a mere shrug.

"Ah, yes, tell us all about that complicated family of yours," Fred continued with a curious smirk. "For example, when your families get together, do they raise a glass to the memory of all their old Death Eater friends or do they just gloat that somehow they dodged their own Azkaban sentences?"

Whoa.

"Fred," Alice warned, glancing over at a now very shocked-looking Slytherin. "Stop being a drunk idiot."

"Ah, but I do it so well," he chuckled, not appearing to care much that his words were boldly cutting. "And don't tell me none of you have wondered the same thing. Weren't the Greengrasses heavily involved in propagating Voldemort's creeds? Wasn't it Reese's father who promoted pureblood supremacy in the paper when we were kids, y'know years after the war had ended? And last I checked, Greengrass' uncle was supposed to be Headmaster Dumbledore's hitman and yet he's free to roam the world without any consequence? Sounds like a fucking conspiracy to me."

The look on Reese's face was unmistakable, the anger reflecting in her eyes somehow masking the now pale tint in her cheeks.

" _Fred_ ," Rose hissed at him while the rest of us just stared at him incredulously. "You don't exactly love the idea of people judging you for your family so how about you don't do the same to Reese?"

Fred broke out into laughter. "Oh, I forgot, you're suddenly all buddy-buddy with all things Malfoy just because you whored yourself out to him."

" _Fred_!" was the simultaneous cry that came from me, Rose, and Alice.

"What the fuck is your problem?" Rose sneered at him, her face now a bright shade of red.

Fred shrugged coolly. "I guess I just don't like Slytherins."

"Yeah, well, I'm suddenly not too fond of Gryffindors," Reese snapped, pulling herself off the barstool. "You don't know a goddamned thing about my family, Fred, so screw you."

She started to head towards the door but I grabbed her arm before she could. "No, you stay," I pleaded before glaring over at Fred. "He can go."

" _Excuse me_?"

"You heard me," I hissed, glaring at him. "I've spent enough time dealing with assholes today. I'm not really looking to spend tonight dealing with them, too. So either tell me what the hell has gotten into you or feel free to leave."

He looked like that was the last question he wanted to answer so he hopped off his own chair and said, "I'm getting another drink," before taking off towards the bar.

I glanced around at the group, all of whom looked just as bewildered as I did, before sighing and following Fred through the crowd.

"Fred," I said, grabbing the back of his shirt and forcing him to turn around.

" _What_?" he snapped a bit too forcefully.

"Dude, if anyone gets to be all snippy and pissed off today, it's me," I said in an attempt to joke. "Don't take that away from me."

"Oh, sure, today is supposed to be about you and your stupid Daddy issues, isn't it?" he sneered at me. "Did it ever occur to you that not everything is about you, Potter?"

Okay, I can't help but admit that that one stung coming from my best friend.

"You want to tell me what the fuck your problem is, Fred?" I sneered right back at him.

All he did was shrug. "I'm not the one with problems here," he drawled.

Another slap in the face.

" _Excuse me_?" I seethed.

With an unapologetic shrug, he just said, "Are we getting another drink or what?" before trying to slip past me once again.

I refused to let that be the last of our conversation so I grabbed him by the arm and dragged him towards the back exit. "What the hell—where are we— _will you stop pulling on my arm for God's sake!?"_

Tossing him through the door, I shut it behind me and turned to glare at Fred without the loud music and the endless bar chatter getting in the way. "Okay, out with it. What the hell is the matter with you?"

"I'm currently holding an empty drink, _that's_ what the matter is."

" _Fred_ ," I snapped.

" _What_?" he snapped right back.

I was torn between glaring at him and looking concerned because the guy in front of me was not the Fred Weasley I knew. "C'mon, mate," I pleaded. "Talk to me. What's going on?"

" _Nothing_ ," he sneered, the frustration on his face growing by the second. "Can we just go back inside?"

I swiftly shook my head. "You either talk to me or I send you home now because I'm not interested in having some snarky asshole at my birthday party. Your choice. What's it going to be?"

"You can't kick me out!"

" _Watch me_."

He looked like he'd much prefer to continue being that snarky asshole but one look at the desperate expression on my face had him reconsidering. Instead, he sighed, ran his fingers through the back of his hair, and leaned up against the alley wall with a slow shake of the head. He said nothing at first and I watched as the anger in his expression faded into one that was nearly impossible to read. "Well," he eventually murmured, refusing to look up at me, "Good news is you've got your star beater back."

My eyebrows knitted in confusion. "What?"

He shuffled his feet and glanced into his empty glass wistfully. "I'm not breaking the Code anymore."

That still didn't clear anything up to me. "Again I say _what_?"

Fred let out another sigh and finally looked up at me, his expression full of sad regret. "Ryleigh and I broke up."

I froze. " _What_?"

And for the first time that night I noticed true heartbreak in my cousin's eyes.

"You heard me," he muttered, his words barely audible.

I gaped at him, not even sure what to say or where to begin. "But…" I trailed off, slowly shaking my head. "What happened?"

Fred swiftly shook his head. "I don't want to talk about it," he pleaded, the desperation dripping from his every word. "I didn't even want to tell you, not tonight. I didn't want there to be something else to overshadow your birthday."

It was a rather nice thing of him to say and I felt slightly guilty that he was willing to put his problems aside for me. "Don't worry about me. I'm used to shit hitting the fan by now," I said dismissively, ignoring the fact that even though I was used to it, it didn't make any of it hurt less. "You didn't have to come out tonight, y'know."

"No, I did. I-I needed to," he mumbled. "I needed to get out of the castle and out of my head. 'Course, I suppose I didn't have to come out tonight and ruin your birthday."

"You're not ruining anything," I said, rolling my eyes. Hesitating, I added, "Well, you may have ruined Reese's night but my guess is she'll understand when she hears…well, you know."

Fred grimaced. "I'd rather we not tell everyone about this tonight if you don't mind," he murmured.

"I know," I said with a slight nod and then because I didn't know what else to say, I added, "Are you okay?"

He shrugged. "Fine," he said flatly. "It was my decision so I can't be too broken up about it."

My eyebrow knitted. "You were the one who broke it off with her?"

He shrugged again.

"But… _why_?"

He shook his head vehemently. "I don't want to talk about it," he pleaded.

Something wasn't sitting right with me for I saw the pain and heartbreak in my cousin's eyes, two emotions that were a rarity for him, and I couldn't figure out why he'd be feeling that way if he was the one to break things off. "Might make you feel better to talk about it," I suggested.

He snorted, giving me a very wary look. "Right, because you're such a conversationalist when it comes to what you're feeling?"

Good point.

Hesitating, I said, "Or maybe it's time we get you that other drink."

Relief filled Fred's eyes as he nodded.

As we headed inside, I couldn't help but add, "But could you perhaps not bitch out everyone at the table tonight?"

Fred looked at me and for a moment I thought he was just going to glare at me but instead he laughed. "I'm allowed to bitch out CJ, right?"

"Oh, yeah, he's totally fair game."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Fred apologized to Reese, who surprised us all by accepting his apology, and the rest of the night went rather smoothly. He put in a real effort to be his usual goofy self for the remain of the evening and it seemed as if everyone decided to give him a free pass. Everyone except my sister.

"What's with Fred?" she asked when the two of us went to collect another round of drinks.

I frowned. "Nothing," I lied.

She rolled her eyes. "He might be putting on that fake smile of his but I know something is up. So out with it. What's going on?"

I grimaced. I wasn't surprised that Lily picked up on that. She had always been the perceptive one in the family, seemingly going unnoticed in the background and pouncing when people least expected it. "He'll be fine," I said dismissively.

"That didn't answer my question."

I frowned and glanced down at the concern in my sister's green eyes. "Lily," I said softly, using her name and not the usual nickname I call her by, "Can you just let this one thing go for once?"

She looked somewhat surprised, and slightly annoyed, but I was pleased when she let out a soft sigh and nodded. "Can I ask you another question?"

"What with the interrogation squad tonight?"

She rolled her eyes. "What is it about Dad that has you hating him so much?"

Whatever question I was expecting, that certainly wasn't it.

I turned towards my sister, gaping at her. "This is not a conversation I want to be having tonight of all nights," I huffed.

She shrugged. "I know he's done things you've disapproved of," she admitted. "I know he's hurt you and maybe even betrayed you, but-"

"Don't," I nearly pleaded, shaking my head at her. "Don't try to understand this, Lils, because I promise you that you won't. And I am in no mood to try to explain it to you. Not now. Not ever."

She frowned and right when I thought she might actually let it go, she sighed and said, "You both deserve better than this. Don't you want something more?"

"I'm fine the way things are," I lied.

She sighed. "No, you're-"

"Lily," I snapped at her, probably ruder than I intended, "It's my bloody birthday and all I'm trying to do right now is have some fun, which in part means forgetting all about dear old Dad for now, so unless you want a firewhisky poured over your head, I'd advise you to drop this subject immediately."

There was an overwhelming amount of guilt resting in her eyes as she nodded. "I'm sorry," she murmured. "I shouldn't have brought it up."

The guilt she felt only made me feel guilty for snapping at her. With an apologetic sigh, I said, "I know you're trying to help, Lils, but there's nothing you can do. So just let me deal with this on my own, okay?"

She looked slightly put off by my pleading, a sigh escaping her lips. "Problem is, you're not exactly dealing with it at all," she muttered.

I knew she was right but once again, this was hardly the time I wanted to be discussing this.

So I was very thankful when the barmaid chose that time to ask us what we wanted.

Ignoring my feelings towards my dad became a lot easier when alcohol was involved.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I was at the bar trying to order another drink later in the night when I felt a presence sidle up to me. Glancing at my right, I smiled down at Reese. "Hey, Baby Girl. Flash that irresistible smile at the bartender, would you? I don't think my charm is rubbing off on him."

"Probably because you have no charm."

I let out a fake gasp. "You take that back!"

Reese chuckled and held up her hand towards the bartender. In a matter of seconds, the bartender was asking us for our order.

Her smile really was irresistible apparently.

He went to pour our drinks and I glanced down at the Slytherin. "Sorry about Fred earlier."

She stiffened and I saw the smile in her eyes harden almost immediately. "It's fine," she said flatly.

"It's not."

She turned away from my scrutinizing gaze with a mere shrug. "What's with him?"

I cocked my head to the side and ignoring her question, asked, "Why don't you ever talk about your family?"

She froze, slowly turning back towards me to meet my gaze. "Why don't you ever talk about yours?" she retaliated.

I could have let the conversation end there but I decided to be honest. I blamed the alcohol. "Because most of the time, I resent them so why would I want to talk about them?"

She looked surprised by that answer, the green in her eyes flickering with unexpected regret. "I don't resent mine," she muttered, leaning her arms against the top of the bar with a sigh. "But everyone else does."

Those words surprised me but before I could question her further, the bartender returned with our drinks. We paid, took our drinks, and slowly moseyed back to the table. "I don't," I eventually said.

She looked confused.

"Resent your family," I explained with a shrug. "I know I'm supposed to seeing as my last name is Potter and yours is Greengrass but I never bought into that whole you-are-who-your-parents-are bullshit."

Both surprise and flattery shone in her eyes as she looked up at me. "And yet, you hate my cousin," she spoke with jest.

I rolled my eyes. "Not because of who his parents are but because he's a douchebag."

She let a small laugh slip out before punching my arm, causing my drink to slosh on to the floor. "Oy, that's my cousin you're talking about," she huffed.

I just grinned. "Says the girl who just laughed."

"Yeah, well, he can be a douchebag sometimes, can't he?" she teased.

"Cousins often can be," I teased right back.

"Yes, Fred was doing a great job of showing that side of him earlier."

I grimaced. "Yeah, well, just know it had nothing to do with you."

She looked at me curiously. "Dare I ask what it did have to do with?"

I sighed and shook my head. "I can't really get into that. It's his issue to deal with."

She nodded in understanding. "Alright but if he brings up my family again, I _will_ have to kick his arse."

I smirked. "And I will have no problem watching you do so."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

We all headed back to Hogwarts in staggered shifts and while I had been hoping to convince Alice to stay in her room, she wasn't drunk enough to say yes. So alas I headed back to my own room with Dash and Fred. We woke up Parker with our general loudness and he took off ten points each which meant that inevitably Neville would find out that we broke curfew and most likely snitch on us to our parents. I would have cared except I was drunk off my ass and instead faceplanted into my bed and slept soundly for the next four hours until I was woken up by Dash telling me I was going to miss breakfast if I didn't get my act together.

I somehow managed to squeeze in a quick shower before joining my two dormmates as we ventured down to the Great Hall, all desperate for whatever fried food was available to us.

I was definitely hungover but glancing over at Fred, he looked positively destroyed and I had a feeling it wasn't just because of the hangover. The breakup might have been his decision but it was clear he was hurting over it. And I knew it was only a matter of time before word spread of his breakup and the world was going to go crazy for the news. No one expected him to land himself a girlfriend in the first place and they have all been waiting in the wings in anticipation of this very moment so if I thought things were bad for Fred now, I had a feeling that they could only get worse.

We slid into the Gryffindor table by Alice and while Fred immediately started pumping food into his mouth, all I could do was rest my head on the table and groan. "Everything hurts," I whined.

Alice chuckled opposite me and tossed some scrambled eggs on to a plate, pushing it towards me. "Here, eat some eggs."

I whimpered, glancing at the plate hesitantly. "Get me some kippers and bacon, too, will ya?"

She rolled her eyes. "Well, someone's bossy when they're hungover," she teased but she obliged.

I shoveled a spoonful of eggs into my mouth. "I think I drank everything in sight at the bar last night," I muttered, wincing as my head throbbed. "There's no way they have any alcohol left."

"You were the one who insisted on those redrum shots," she reminded me.

I shot her a pointed glare. "Okay, why are you so cheerful right now?" I scoffed. "You're supposed to be just as hungover as I am. That's how these birthday-boyfriend-girlfriend things are supposed to work."

Dash snorted and Fred continued ignoring us for his food while Alice looked at me with an amused smirk. "Oh, and you're an expert at the whole birthday-boyfriend-girlfriend thing, hm?"

Good point.

"I just feel like we should be whining together. It's not nearly as much fun doing it solo," I groaned.

She reached over and patted my cheek. "Eat more eggs, Jay. You'll feel better."

"Not likely," I grumbled but I listened to her.

Silence followed as we all devoured our breakfast until Alice cleared her throat and said, "I have to tell you something, Jay."

I could hear the concern in her voice which I did not like one bit. I exchanged a look with both Dash and Fred who had clearly heard the same. "This isn't where you break up with me, is it?"

She rolled her eyes. "No, I wouldn't do that at the breakfast table," she huffed.

"Which means she's thought about where she would do it, mate," Dash pointed out.

Alice glared at him. "Hey, how's your girlfriend doing, Finnigan?"

He hesitated. "Well played."

"He did make out with Greengrass last night," I pointed out.

Alice's eyebrows shot up as she glanced over at Dash, whose face had suddenly gone red. "You did?" she said, impressed. "How did I miss that?"

"We were drunk. It seemed like a good idea at the time," he said sheepishly.

"She's hot. I might even be jealous of you, mate," Fred finally spoke in between bites.

Alice shot him a look while Dash's eyes narrowed in confusion. "Your girlfriend will be so pleased to hear that," he pointed out.

I winced as I watched Fred's eyes darken. But he said nothing as he instead returned to the food on his plate.

I decided changing the subject was a good idea. "So what do you have to tell me, Ace?"

She frowned and said, "Your dad is still here."

Bloody fucking great.

"So much for being professor for a _day_ ," I muttered irritably.

"He has two classes he's teaching this morning and then he's heading back home."

So I only had to wait about four more hours and then he'd be gone. I could probably manage that. Hopefully.

"How do you know this?" I sighed.

"Dad told me," she said. "About ten minutes before you got here. He also said that your father would very much like to speak to you before class today."

Of course he would.

"Like that's going to happen," I scoffed.

Alice frowned and a look passed across her face that told me she disapproved of my answer.

"What, you think I should?" I responded with a mixture of shock and annoyance.

She glanced up at me, the hesitance resting in her blue eyes. She said nothing at first, clearly unsure how to answer, before she sighed and said, "He's your dad and he's trying."

Hardly.

"Well, next time, he should try in a day that isn't my birthday," I drawled.

"And it's supposed to be that awful that your own father wanted to spend time with you on your birthday?" she questioned curiously.

Uh, _yes_.

"He knows when he shows up at this school, none of us particularly love it. He knows it's awkward and frustrating and uncomfortable," I fired back. "So why the fuck would he think I'd want any of that on my goddamned birthday?"

She hesitated. "I just thought that after that conversation you shared with him on New Year's Eve that perhaps things had a chance of getting better between you two," she spoke with the slightest amount of desperation.

Clearly Dad thought the same. But as he often was, he was very wrong to think that one conversation could fix a lifetime of issues.

"Maybe they would have if he didn't show up here without any sort of warning on the one day out of the year that's supposed to be for me," I seethed.

Alice frowned as she tilted her head to the side curiously, the hesitant look in her eyes making me think that I probably wouldn't like what she had to say next.

I was right.

"Okay, I've got to ask," she pleaded, "Do you really care all that much that he spontaneously showed up on your birthday or is this just something else you've decided you can hate him for?"

"Ouch," Dash winced.

"Oh, no," Fred muttered.

I gaped at my girlfriend, the smallest hint of betrayal suddenly fluttering around in my heart. "You sound like Al," I hissed.

She hesitated. "Well, maybe he has a point."

" _Ouch_."

" _Oh, no_."

Shock and irritation coursed through my every vein. "I-I can't believe you just said that," I said hoarsely, dropping my fork to my plate and standing up from the table abruptly. "Suddenly, I'm not in the mood for breakfast."

"James, wait," Alice pleaded before I could take off, "All I'm saying is that your father is trying to prove he cares which is what I always thought you were looking for from him. So why is it still not enough?"

She didn't get it. Nobody did.

"I was never looking for him to _try to care_ ," I sneered, taking a seat back on the bench against my better judgment. "I was looking for him to _actually care_. But that'll never happen, Ace, so why pretend it's even a possibility?"

"Or maybe you've just convinced yourself it'll never happen because you're too afraid to go after it," she argued.

" _Excuse me_?"

The hesitant look in her eyes told me that she was aware she was towing a very fine line. And yet she continued anyway. "I think you're afraid of talking to him, of putting in the effort, of letting him in because you feel as if he's already burned so many bridges already and you're convinced he'll just find a way to burn others. You're convinced he would find a way to inadvertently hurt you more than he already has," she spoke softly. "But what you don't seem to understand is that there is another possibility here. You can get your dad back."

She _really_ didn't get it.

"How can I have something back that I never really had to begin with?" I hissed.

"You did," she spoke softly. "You once had a father that you loved and adored and looked up to."

Yeah, like a million years ago.

"I was a kid then," I seethed. "Clearly, a lot has changed."

"And maybe it can change back," she pleaded.

This conversation was hurting my very soul. "I don't see that every happening, Ace," I murmured. "I don't have the same father that you do, who supports you in everything you do and who's there every step of the way. I don't have a father cheering me on or a father who accepts me for the flawed person I am. I have a father who I can't trust, who wants me to be something I'm not, and who never bothered to try and understand what mattered to _me_. So I'm sorry if you have this fairytale in your head that things could one day be good between me and Dad but I'm telling you, we will never get that happy ending."

She hesitated before saying, "I think you're wrong."

"And what I think is that you don't understand."

She looked at me, her eyes filled with an intense curiosity. "The only thing I need to understand is that your father is putting in the effort to make things right which is a lot more than I can say about you."

"Ouch," Dash whined.

"Oh no," Fred sighed.

Alice's words were cutting and judgmental and I'd be lying if I said they didn't sting. I had always believed she understood, or at least sympathized with, the underlying issues my father and I shared but apparently the only thing she had been doing all these years is holding her tongue.

I had no response for her, so I just picked myself off the bench and walked out of the Great Hall.

The halls were fairly empty and I was grateful for it because the last thing I wanted or needed was a bunch of students putting on fake smiles and pretending to be nice to me when really, all they cared about was my father.

It seemed like I was the only person in the world, besides perhaps my own father, who didn't understand why he was supposed to be so great. He was just a person. Just a man. Maybe he had done all the right things at the right time and succeeded in defeating the most evil villain ever known to our world, but that was twenty years ago. Things have changed. _Times_ have changed. We don't all live in a scary world where we need someone to look to for guidance. We don't need my father to be placed on a pedestal. That's not his place anymore. Why couldn't other people see that he was just an ordinary guy trying to live an ordinary life?

Which was exactly what I was trying to do.

Distancing myself from my father had seemed like the only way to achieve the slightest chance of being my own person so that's what I did. I hid from the world, only cozying up to a few loyal companions, and I tried to make a name for myself that wasn't based on my surname. Only it didn't work. Because I'd always be a Potter. I'd never be able to run from that.

So why was I trying so hard to?

The answer was one I had never liked to admit aloud but I knew in the deepest part of my heart that the answer was an obvious one.

Because I hated being a Potter.

I hated being famous for having a name. I hated that the world expected me to live up to my father's accomplishments and I hated that they were there to judge me every time I didn't. I hated that my father held those same expectations and I hated that he pretended he didn't. I hated that my life has been one big headline. I hated that I couldn't do or say anything without someone twisting it around. I hated that I'd never be good enough for anyone. I hated that everything I did was wrong. I hated that I couldn't trust anyone. I hated not knowing if the only reason I was popular was because of me or because of who I was related to. I hated that my heart hurt all the time. I hated it all.

But what I really hated was that there wasn't a single soul on the planet who seemed to understand why I hated it all.

As I hastened through the Entrance Hall, it came as no surprise to me that I found myself pushing my way through the wrought-iron doors to the outdoors. Whenever I felt a heavy weight on my chest, the only thing that ever seemed to work was the Quidditch pitch.

I was without a jacket so I pulled my wand out from my pocket and muttered a warming spell on my hands. As I repocketed it, welcoming the sudden bout of heat, I heard footsteps in front of me. Glancing up and praying it was someone who wouldn't fawn over me, I suddenly froze when I saw Ryleigh Carver heading my way, the shock and dismay bubbling over at the very sight of her.

She looked up and paused herself, her eyes growing wide with her own surprise. Just looking at her I could see how awful she looked. There were bags under her eyes, her cheeks were flushed, her skin pale. She looked like a hollowed version of herself and it made my heart sink straight into my stomach.

"Great," she muttered with one look at me, defeat settling into her expression as she shuffled towards me, hastily passing me as she tried to make a quick getaway.

Too bad I didn't let her.

"What happened between you two?" I asked softly.

She stopped just before the door and slowly turned around. I could already see the tears moistening her eyes. "He didn't tell you?"

I shook my head.

"I suppose that doesn't surprise me all that much," she murmured, swiping underneath her eye as a single tear escaped.

I've had a lot of practice at dealing with crying girls seeing as there were so many girls in my family but that didn't mean I was good at it. I suddenly felt very awkward and wondered if I should have just let her get away when she initially tried.

"I'm sorry," I said for I didn't know what else to say.

She looked at me and shook her head. "He's the one that should be sorry," she spoke, this time with an edge to her voice.

"He is," I blurted out, recalling just how defeated he had looked the night before.

She let out a rather chilling laugh. "No, he isn't," she snapped, her sadness suddenly replaced with aggressive frustration. "He's too much of a coward to be sorry."

I didn't think it was possible to be more confused but evidently it was. "Why do you say that?"

The laugh in her eyes quickly faded to regret. "He just is," she whispered, turning on her heel and fleeing.

I probably should have let that be it but for some reason, I decided chasing after her was the better option in that moment. "Ryleigh, stop," I pleaded, catching up with her before she could pull open the door to the castle.

When I spun her towards me, I saw a fresh ring of tears in her eyes that broke my heart. "Just leave me alone," she pleaded. "You don't have to pretend to care about me, James. I know that's never been your forte."

True.

Which begged the question as to why I was bothering to continue this conversation.

Only thing I came up with was that I was hoping for some insight.

"I care," I spoke softly. "I care because Fred did."

She stared at me, her hollow eyes meeting mine with an intense amount of desolation. "He didn't care," she whispered. "He never did."

"That's not true," I urged, shaking my head at her. "He gave up everything he ever knew for you. Of course he cared, Carver."

She squeezed her eyes shut but a small tear escaped nonetheless. She swiftly reached up to swipe it away. "If he cared, _if he really cared_ ,he wouldn't have run away from me, from us, just because I inadvertently told him that I loved him," she whispered, her bottom lip trembling with despair. "He doesn't care, James, because he doesn't know how to."

I was dumbfounded as I slowly let go of her arm, my eyes widening slightly at the weight of her words. "You told him you loved him?"

The tears blurred across her eye. "I didn't mean to," she croaked out.

I frowned. "Why not?"

She squeezed her eyes shut, clearly trying to hold back another onset of tears, and I had the sudden urge to reach over and embrace her. I didn't because even though she was clearly hurting, I was hardly the person that was going to make any of it better.

"Because I knew this would happen," she whispered hoarsely.

I didn't know much about Ryleigh Carver, or much about her relationship with my cousin, but I recalled the one conversation we had about it more than a month ago where she told me she was afraid to give him her heart because she was afraid he'd break it.

Which is exactly what he did.

"So you didn't mean to say it," I dissected, musing carefully over her words. "But that doesn't mean you didn't mean it."

Her head jerked up and when I met her gaze, I saw the truth staring back at me.

She loved Fred.

And he was clearly too afraid to love her back.

She was right to call him a coward. He had heard those very frightening three words and he did the first thing he could think of and he ran in the opposite direction.

"Oh, Ryleigh," I spoke regretfully.

"I knew he was going to find a way to break my heart somehow," she whispered, the tears now slipping down her flushed cheeks. "And I let myself fall for him anyway. So maybe he's a coward, but I'm the idiot. And I'm not sure which is worse."

"No," I spoke softly, shaking my head mournfully. "Falling in love does not make you an idiot, Ryleigh. It makes you human."

She blinked back the tears, taking a few staggering breaths in before saying, "Then I guess I wish I wasn't human."

And as if that was the end of our conversation, she took off once again.

This time, I didn't go after her. There wasn't anything I could say or do to make things better. I didn't know why Fred decided to end things but I had a pretty good guess as the idea of love was never something he nor I ever thought we wanted or needed. But it happened to him. It had snuck up on him so unexpectedly that he felt as if the only answer was to walk away because the alternative was not something he knew how to deal with.

I had a feeling I'd be having a nice long talk with him later, but for now the Quidditch pitch was calling my name.

I felt a large sigh of relief escape my lungs as I wandered through the gates and stepped foot on to the pitch, but that sigh quickly disappeared when I noticed a single silhouette not too far from me alone in the bleachers. And it took me all of five seconds to realize it was Dad.

I could have walked away. I should have. But he caught my eye and I knew it was too late.

Grudgingly, I dragged my feet over to where he sat, trying to hide my irritated frown with very little success.

"What are you doing here?" Dad said before I could ask him the same question.

I grunted. "Well, if you knew me at all, you'd know that I practically live out here."

He didn't even flinch at the insult, his eyes still finding solace in the clouds. "And I suppose I'm to blame for not knowing you?"

I said nothing.

"Even though you never even gave me a chance," he spoke softly.

I could have told him that that wasn't true but we'd both know it'd be a lie.

"You've been shutting me out for six years," he continued, still refusing to look at me. "And at some point in those six years, I let you."

He was both blaming me and taking accountability for his own actions.

Talk about confusing.

Not sure how to best respond, I pulled my usual stunt of master deflection. "You shut me out for eleven."

He sighed and squeezed his eyes shut. "You'll never forgive me for that, will you."

I was surprised by the disappointment in his voice.

I struggled with the answer, not sure I even knew it myself. So all I could do was admit the truth. "I don't know."

His eyes fluttered open and he turned to me with a frown. "I know what I did was hurtful to you," he spoke. "You felt blind-sided and betrayed and lied to by your own father and that's not a burden any eleven-year-old should carry."

No. No, it wasn't.

"But I have expressed my sincerest apologies to you, I have told you my side of the story, I have given you all the explanations I have, and you still want nothing to do with me," he spoke, his voice unexpectedly bitter. "So I don't know what to do anymore, James. It's as if nothing I ever say to you will ever change your mind about me."

A large part of me knew he was right to say that. It was heartless of me to admit it, but I didn't see a father when I looked at him, I saw a liar and a traitor. I saw a man who let me down. A man who continued to let me down. I saw a man who believed the worst in his eldest son. A man who would never accept his son for the person he was. I saw a man who believed in Al and Lily's dreams far more than he believed in mine. A man who let himself be pushed away from his eldest son because that was easier than fighting it.

Dad wasn't to blame for all of our problems. I wish he was. And sometimes, I certainly act as if he was. But I had a share in our downfall. I shunned him and tested him and fought with him every available chance I had. And at some point, he stopped fighting back. He stopped showing up at my Quidditch matches and stopped caring about the things I cared about. He praised my brother for his academic skills and he doted on Lily because she was his little princess and I was left on the outside looking in on a group of people that didn't need me anymore. And loving them more than me was something I knew I'd always blame him for.

"I don't know what you want me to say here," I said when the silence bordered on uncomfortable.

He tutted. "Of course you don't," he sighed. "Because talking to me has never been a priority for you."

I did not appreciate that response one bit. "Am I missing the part where it's been a priority for you over the years?" I seethed. "Did a bunch of owls somehow get lost between London and here? Were you hiding up in the bleachers during all those games I didn't think you bothered to show up for? Did you-"

"Because you didn't want anything to do with me," he practically pleaded. "You told me time and time again to leave you alone. You told me to back off. You told me to get out of your life. You-"

"And you listened!" I barked, an ache burrowing into my chest. Exhaling slowly, I murmured, "I am not the only one who gave up on us, Dad. _I'm not_."

He finally turned to look at me, the surprise evident in his eyes. "You think I gave up on you?" he spoke softly.

"I know you did," I murmured, the ache in my heart spilling out into my every vein until all I felt was pain. "I wasn't who you wanted me to be. I'm still not and I won't ever be that person. I spend too much time on this pitch and not enough time in a library. I speak my mind, not caring who I am offending. I talk back and I live in a world of sarcasm and mischief. I cause trouble. I make mistakes. I screw up. That's what I do. That's who I am. And you already have one perfect son who is smart and courteous and respectful, the prefect son who wants to be a goddamned Auror _just like you_ when he graduates, who says and does all the right things all the bloody time, who never gets into trouble, who doesn't know how to fail, who will always be better than me at everything he does. And you have an angelic daughter who everyone loves and dotes on, who is charming and sweet, who always makes the right and loyal choices, who you don't know how to be mad at, who is the youngest and the only girl so finds a way to stand out. Don't you see? You already have the perfect family, Dad. A perfect family that doesn't include me."

It was the first time I voiced those words aloud to anyone, to admit that I believed my own father would always prefer my siblings over me, and it nearly killed me to do so. I felt a crushing ache in every part of my heart as it slowly took over my entire body, causing an unexpected cold chill to engulf my limbs.

There was a long silence, one that crushed my very soul. A silence that told me that he agreed with me. A silence that told me I wasn't wrong in my thinking. A silence that broke everything inside of me.

He finally spoke. "I never wanted you to be anyone but you," he said, his voice laden with so much defeat. "I never asked or expected you to be perfect, but I did-"

I interrupted him with a loud laugh. "Oh, you have got to be kidding me!" I growled, throwing my arms in the air with a rather overdramatic flair. "The whole bloody world expects it from me!"

He looked both surprised and annoyed by that. "I'm not the world, I'm your father," he sighed. Shaking his head, he added, "A father you've apparently turned into the villain of your story even though the only person who ever seems to compare you to your brother and your sister is you."

I gaped at him, bothered by that blatant lie. "This is not all in my head, Dad," I seethed, my hands clenching into tight fists at my side. "I know that all I am to you, all I am to the whole bloody world, is just some big disappointment who hardly deserves the Potter name. And you know what? Maybe the world is right. Maybe I don't deserve to be a Potter _but I never asked to be one in the first place_. I never wanted this. I never wanted to be Harry Potter's son!"

This was the first time I saw true anger in my father's eyes as he glared at me, the shock and betrayal resting rather heavily in his green eyes. The hurt and sadness and confusion was gone and all that was there was his usual guardedness. "Just like you didn't ask to be my son, I never asked to be Harry Potter," he spoke firmly. "I never asked to be the hero. I never wanted that. And I am sorry, I will always be sorry, that you felt as if I lied to you when you were a kid but it wasn't me holding information back purposely. That was just me trying to protect my family from the shame and the judgment that I have been struggling to cope with for twenty-five years now. Just like you, I am not perfect. I am just human, James. I make mistakes. And you refuse to forgive me for those mistakes because you've long convinced yourself that I don't need you in my life. But that is all on you. _That is on you_. Because here I am, fighting for you to give me a chance and you won't even consider it."

He was angry, that much was evident, but my own anger matched his so I suppose that was at least one thing we had in common.

But I listened to him. For once, I heard his words and I took them in. And I knew he wasn't completely wrong. It had been so easy blaming him for all of our problems just because of who he was but just like I couldn't change my last name, he couldn't change any part of his name. He had tried to, had tried to shield his family from his past life, but it didn't work. It only made things worse. For me anyway. And for him.

But he was right. He had apologized, tried to offer a redeeming explanation and I couldn't seem to accept it because I couldn't seem to accept anything he ever did. But the truth was, the obvious truth that was staring me straight in the face, was that whatever happened six years had only been the beginning. So much had happened since then that had only degenerated our already failing relationship and while perhaps I had been the one to start us down our rocky path, Dad hadn't done anything to fix the rockiness himself.

"Maybe this isn't just about what happened in the past anymore, Dad," I said, shaking my head at him, "Maybe it would just be nice to know that you care about me in the present."

His brow furrowed. "I'm here now, aren't I?" he fired back.

I shot him a look. "Oh, don't do that. Don't pretend you're here because of me. You're here because Professor Macmillan asked you to come here to teach a bunch of snooty, brown-nosing, starstruck students and you agreed."

"You think it's a coincidence I showed up on your birthday?" he retaliated.

"And if you knew me at all, you'd know that that would be the last possible day I'd ever want you here," I countered almost immediately.

What I didn't say was that it wasn't necessarily Dad I didn't want here, it was Harry Potter. But unfortunately, they were and always would be one and the same.

His lips pursed. "Well, forgive me for caring," he scoffed.

I glared at him because evidently that's what I did best. "You don't care," I sneered. "You only pretend to because that's what's expected of you."

"Well, maybe it's hard to care sometimes when you only ever know how to act like an ungrateful, spoiled, selfish kid who would much prefer to blame the rest of the world for his problems instead of admitting fault in his own screw-up tendencies," he blurted out.

Those words stunned me into speechlessness. Those were the words I had always assumed my father believed but the words I never thought he'd say. And yet here we were, an eighteen-year-old boy who felt like a failure in his father's eyes and a father who found his son inadequate standing on two very opposite sides of an argument neither would win.

"So I guess that's all I'll ever be to you?" I whispered, my heart breaking inside of my chest. "A screwup?"

He frowned. "I didn't say that."

"Yeah, Dad," I croaked out. "You did."

Silence quickly followed and that hurt more than his words because he wasn't even trying to argue his outburst. He believed I was a screwup almost as much as I believed it.

He shook his head at me, the frustration shining through with every movement as he struggled to find the right words to say. "It doesn't matter what I say, you will almost always twist my words into something negative."

"Or maybe everything you say just so happens to be negative," I growled.

His frustrations quickly turned into defeat. He turned away from me, a frown seeping into his rigid jawline. "I can't keep doing this, James," he murmured. "I can't keep talking in circles. I can't keep fighting with you. I can't keep being the guy you love to hate. I can't keep waiting around for you to see that I wasn't the only one who caused us to be this way. It's as if you like the way things are. As if you like being an angsty, brooding teenager who can hate on us and hate on the world as if that somehow makes your horrible life slightly bearable. But you are choosing to act this way. I didn't make you like this. And I can't keep pretending that it doesn't hurt every single time you blame me or your mother or your family or the world for all the things that have gone wrong in your life. I can't go on like this. I won't."

And just like that, I was finally expendable to him.

It didn't come as a surprise. It's not as if I ever made things easy but there he was telling me he couldn't be my father anymore.

Which was fine because I was done being his son.

"You won't have to anymore," I spoke hoarsely. "Because the moment I graduate, your spoiled, ungrateful, selfish, angsty, brooding son is planning on leaving the country and I doubt I'll ever be coming back."

I let those be my last words as I turned on my heel and fled from the pitch.

I had once believed that the Quidditch pitch was my safe haven.

But just like everything else in my life, Dad found a way to take that away from me, too.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

My first instinct was to skip class and hide away in my bed for the rest of the day but all that would do would leave me with a lot of time on my hands and a lot of thoughts in my head. What I needed was a distraction. So I reluctantly headed off to Potions.

I slipped through the door a few minutes after class had started and took my seat beside Alice, mumbling a fake apology to the professor for my late arrival.

Pulling out my notes, I pretended not to notice Alice staring at me. I dug out a quill, quickly followed by my textbook, and faced the front of the room as Professor Gables began his lecture. I listened attentively, jotting down notes where I felt necessary, all while ignoring Alice's pleading eyes next to me. It was slightly distracting but if I just focused on the professor's words, it was easier to pretend Alice wasn't staring intently at me.

Ten minutes later, I felt her quill nudging my arm. I ignored it.

Five minutes later, I felt her move closer to me. I ignored her.

Two minutes later, she leaned in and said, "Jay."

Knowing I could no longer ignore her, I said the only thing I could. "Don't," I pleaded, refusing to look at her. "Just…don't."

I could practically feel her face fall beside me but I pretended not to notice and went back to taking notes.

When class ended, I took my time gathering my things, knowing I couldn't avoid Alice forever. Knowing I didn't want to. The room emptied out and only Alice and I remained. I hadn't bothered to get up from my seat but Alice was standing over me, looking crestfallen and hurt all wrapped into one apologetic expression.

"You know how you wanted me to have a conversation with my father?" I murmured, staring at the grain of the table in front of me.

She slid back into her chair with a hesitant nod.

"Well, I did," I muttered, picking at the end of my fingernails. "And I really wish I hadn't."

She looked like she didn't know what to say, her already soft expression turning into one of regret. "What happened?" she whispered.

Right, like I wanted to relive any of that conversation.

I said nothing, not even sure what I was supposed to say. My heart was crushing on my insides, making it nearly impossible to feel let alone think. I wanted to hate Alice for what she said earlier but I was too busy hating my father to hate anyone else. And right now, I needed her. I needed her more than I needed oxygen because she had always been the one thing who could make my heart feel whole and right now, I needed that more than ever.

So I said, without even trying to hide my desperation, "I don't expect you to understand my issues with my father, Ace. They're my issues to deal with, not yours. This isn't something you can fix. And it pains me to watch you try to do the impossible. So please just…don't even try. _Please_. I don't need you to fix this. I just need you."

I could see the helplessness in her eyes and knew the thought that she couldn't do anything to ease the ache in my heart was torturous to her. She pulled herself out of her chair and stepped towards me, dropping on to my lap and wrapping her arms around my shoulders. "What happened, Jay?" she pleaded.

My heart felt like lead as I looked into her sympathetic eyes. "I really don't want to talk about it," I choked out, enclosing my arms around her. I could feel my bottom lip trembling and I bit down in an attempt to stop it.

As if she knew there was nothing she could say to make things better, she leaned over and pressed her lips firmly to mine, the single gesture somehow providing me with the strength to breathe.

When we pulled apart, she rested her forehead against mine. "I'm always here for you, Jay, even if I don't always act like it," she whispered. "You know that, right?"

If I could have smiled, I would have. "Yeah, I know that."

She was about the only person who I knew for sure was on my side.

She started to pull herself off of me, but I tightened my grasp around her waist and drew her into me. "No, not yet," I begged, burying my head against her shoulder with a sigh.

And so she lay her head atop mine and we stayed there until the next round of students wandered in and we were forced to get up and move on with our lives.

* * *

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

 **A/N:** And the James-Harry drama just continues to unfold, not to mention more James-Albus drama. Oh and of course the Fred-Ryleigh drama! I have a feeling some of you will agree with Alice for trying to talk some sense into James. But let's face it, James is far too stubborn to listen to anyone, even the only person in the world who may actually be able to get through to him. But more on that later.

Up next: Poor Fred. Or is it poor Ryleigh?


	30. It's Okay To Fall In Love

**A/N:** Oh, man, I got so many wildly mixed reviews on the last chapter and I love it! For those of you who think that Harry is in the wrong, you might be interested to know that I agree with you. And I'll admit that perhaps a part of me is denigrating Harry a bit too much to fit into the drama of my story but I also do believe that Harry would have struggled through fatherhood. He didn't have his own parents growing up, he didn't even have love. And it's easy for him to say he loves his kids and his family but a lot harder for him to show it. He was never much of a talker or a conversationalist, often keeping things bottled in, and navigating a very unruly son who has made it known to his father that he would always be his adversary has taken a final toll on him. They had a conversation over the holidays, one he had hoped would help lead to other conversations, but it didn't and when his expectations weren't met, he shut down. In his mind, every time he "tries" to have a conversation with his son, James nixes the very idea and that's somehow led him to believe that there's no point in even "trying." (I put 'try' in quotes because let's be honest, he's not trying all that hard).

Anyway, you're allowed to be disappointed in Harry. But also do keep in mind that we are only reading James' POV so we get no insight into Harry's thoughts and actions.

* * *

 **A WAY WITH WORDS**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 30: It's Okay To Fall In Love

 _"Don't know what the hell it is about you_  
 _Could be that smile or the attitude_  
 _So many walls I'm scared to let you through_  
 _Two out of four turned so why'd I choose you_  
 _I guess I just want you to know me_  
 _All the cracks, the silly parts_  
 _They're all for you to see_  
 _I hope you'll take me once I let you in_  
 _But if you don't want it, I can't blame you_  
 _I know where I'm at, I know what I want_  
 _Might not be all that but I'm falling in love_  
 _It's okay to fall in love_  
 _It's okay to let a look make you lose your mind_  
 _It's okay to fall in love_  
 _God knows I'm falling fast and I love it."_  
-Evan Carr

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

During our free period, Alice and I made our way back to her room. We crawled into her bed and just lay there in comfortable silence, for I had nothing to say and she knew she had little she could say to make me feel better. But being with her, having my arm wrapped securely around her as she lay flush against my body was about the only form of comfort I needed from her. The rest of the world faded away somehow, leaving only the two of us in an untroubled world of contentment and good fortune.

If only that could really be possible.

I thought back on my conversation with Dad. It had been turbulent and accusatory and in the end, instead of bothering to try to come up with any sort of conflict resolution, we both gave up. I had hurt him too many times in the past and he had ignored me too many times in the past. And I guess there was just no coming back from that.

An ache burrowed deep within my heart at the very blatant realization that he and I had finally gone our separate ways. It wasn't supposed to hurt. I wasn't supposed to be upset or angry. This was what I claimed I wanted, both out loud and in my thoughts. But there was this small voice in the very back of my head that knew I had never actually expected it to get to this point. He was the father and I was the kid and as rebellious and defiant and hostile as I had become, he was supposed to always be there for me. He was supposed to care. He wasn't supposed to give up. And maybe I had never given him any reason not to, maybe this was exactly what I deserved, but it still numbed my heart to know that I had managed to push my father over the edge to the point where he had no problem admitting that he was throwing in the towel. He didn't want to be my father anymore and while it didn't completely surprise me, it did still manage to hurt. But maybe getting out of the country could somehow make it hurt less.

Somehow.

"I told Dad I was leaving for good once I graduate."

Those words tumbled out of my mouth before I even realized I had said them aloud. I hadn't been planning on telling Alice that, at least not yet, but as I mused over my rocky conversation with my father, I knew I was very heavily leaning towards the possibility of picking up my life and moving it elsewhere and Alice deserved to know what the future held.

Alice slowly sat up and turned to face me, apprehension resting in her eyes. "Leaving where?" she asked hesitantly.

"This country. My family. All of it," I murmured.

I could see the wariness in her eyes as she spoke next. "Did you mean it?"

I hesitated, lifting my eyes towards the ceiling so as not to see the concern in her eyes. "At the time, I had just said it in the heat of the moment," I murmured. "I always thought I'd play for a British or an Irish team after Hogwarts as those are the teams I grew up paying attention to. But now…"

When I trailed off, I could feel Alice stiffen beside me. "But now what?" she urged.

I sighed, my eyes tracing a crack on the ceiling. "There's a lot of appeal in playing for a foreign team."

She said nothing and the silence became almost unbearable until she finally spoke. "Okay."

That's all she said as she picked herself up off the bed and ventured over to her desk.

I frowned and sat up, watching as she shuffled papers around her desk. "That's it?" I blurted out. "'Okay?'"

More silence. "What else do you want me to say?"

"I assumed you'd have _some_ opinion," I practically pleaded.

She stopped pretending to move things around her desk and slowly turned around to face me, hesitation etched into her wary expression. "The last time I offered my opinion concerning your father, it didn't go so well."

I wanted to ask her when that had ever stopped her from offering her opinion before, but instead said, "I'm not asking you to offer your opinion on anything concerning my father. I'm asking your opinion on my Quidditch future."

Her lips pursed. "You had an argument with your father, you told him you'd be leaving the moment you graduate, and now you're considering foreign Quidditch teams," she spoke softly. "Don't tell me this doesn't have to do with your father."

Guess she decided to offer her opinion after all.

And of course she wasn't wrong.

"Okay," I murmured, "So maybe this has to do with my father a little."

She shot me a look.

"Or a lot," I muttered.

She pushed herself away from the desk and sat down beside me on her bed. "Don't suddenly change your dreams because of him, Jay," she whispered.

I didn't respond right away, not entirely sure I had a response.

"I'm not changing it, I'm just modifying it," I eventually said, though we both knew it wasn't very much of an argument.

She nudged me with her knee. "You always wanted to play for an English team," she reminded me.

She wasn't wrong. I had grown up fantasizing about one day being the Cannons' star chaser, breaking records everywhere and turning into a household name. And if it wasn't the Cannons it was the Arrows who had won the league three years in a row when I was a kid. And if it wasn't the Arrows it was the Tornadoes or the Falcons or the Kestrels or Puddlemere. These were the teams I had idolized, the teams I listened to on the radio and whose stats I studied carefully. That wasn't to say I hadn't paid attention to overseas teams but it was easier to be drawn into the world of Quidditch in my very backyard.

But now, all I wanted was to find a new backyard, one that wasn't anywhere near England.

"I just want to play, Ace," I murmured. "I don't really care where. And Australia's two teams have been incredible this year. The Macaws are the only team still undefeated and the Warriors just swept the series against the Finches. They could be fun to play for next year."

She frowned. "Oh, so you don't just want to move away from England. You _really_ want to move away," she muttered.

I wasn't sure what to make of that. "It's just a thought."

She merely nodded and when I glanced over at her, I saw an unexpected worry in her eyes. I bumped my shoulder against hers and she looked over at me. "Come with me, Ace," I said softly.

She blinked in surprise. "And do what, be your arm candy?" she teased, though I heard the smallest bit of annoyance in the comment.

I rolled my eyes. "I was more thinking you could play Quidditch for an Australian team, too."

She didn't appear to be excited at that suggestion.

"Or," I said with a teasing smile, "You could be my arm candy and then sketch wombats and kangaroos and coral reef in your free time. Though being my arm candy is a full-time job so I'm warning you now, you might not have too much time for your art."

She reached behind her for a pillow and smacked me with it, the both of us laughing and for a second, everything seemed alright with the world. But when our laughter died down, I saw the resignation in Alice's eyes and I somehow knew what she was about to say.

"I can't just follow you around as you run away, Jay," she murmured reluctantly. "My life is here in England. Dad and AJ are here. The inn is here."

I pretty much ignored everything after 'run away.'

"I'm not running away," I huffed.

She looked at me skeptically.

"I'm not," I urged, though slightly less convincing. "And you have always wanted to travel the world. Why are you so against it now that I'm the one bringing it up?"

She merely shook her head, swiftly pulling herself off the bed for a second time. "It has nothing to do with you," she spoke abruptly.

My eyebrow shot into my forehead at the clear irritation in her tone. "Okay," I said slowly, "Then what does it have to do with?"

She said nothing, busying herself with papers on her desk again. I noticed her hand halt as it grazed her sketchbook and I wondered immediately where her head was at.

I stood up off the bed and made my way towards her. She stiffened as I came up behind her and placed my hands on her shoulders. "Ace," I said softly, massaging her shoulders, "What is it?"

She removed her hand from her sketchbook and leaned back into my touch with a sigh. "I still don't even know what I'm going to do after I graduate," she murmured.

I suddenly felt like an idiot. Here I was trying to plan my future—nay, _our future_ and it hadn't even occurred to me how inconclusive Alice's future was. I have only had one goal since I was a kid and I knew it was achievable. And I didn't mean that to come off arrogant or cocky. I just knew that even if I wound up as a reserve for a year or two, I had the talent and the skillset to eventually be a part of the professional world of Quidditch.

"You can do anything you want, Ace," I asked, moving my arms to her waist and wrapping them around her to draw her into me. "The world is yours for the taking."

She said nothing.

"Ace?"

She let out a sad sigh, her eyes fluttering closed. "Do you know why I sketch, Jay? Why I paint?"

I felt like saying she did it because her mother did it would have earned me a slap to the head. So I just said, "Tell me."

She turned around in my arms and I nestled my arms securely around her waist. "Because it's the only time I ever really feel like me."

Those words both shocked and confused me. "What?"

She looked down, not meeting my gaze. "Everything is happening so fast. Too fast. Graduation is looming closer and closer which means my future is, too, and I don't know what it holds for me. I don't even really know what I want for it to hold. But all day, I'm holed up in the library frantically revising as if it matters. And if I'm not there, I'm on the pitch trying to prove to myself that Quidditch is what I'm meant to do even though I don't even know if that's what I'll end up doing. But when I paint, when I sketch, it's just me doing it for me and for no other reason. It feels liberating and safe and it's nice to just get out of my head for a while."

She sounded so desperate and I tried figuring out if it was because there was a part of her that feared that one day her sketchbook might no longer give her the relief she craved or if she was just scared of her future in general. Or perhaps, if she was anything like me, it was just a combination of everything.

I wrapped my arms tightly around her shoulders and drew her to me, kissing the top of her head with a sad sigh. "Then go be a world-famous artist, Ace," I whispered. "If that's what makes you the happiest, then find a way to do it."

She said nothing at first, just rested her head against my chest for a few seconds of needed comfort. "But here's the thing: it doesn't make me the happiest, it just makes everything else less overwhelming," she murmured, "I don't want to be a world-famous artist. I want it to be there if and when I need a moment away, but I don't want it to be my life."

I brushed a hair from her face, planting a kiss to her temple. "Then what do you want?"

There was another small round of silence before she answered. "I don't know what I want," she muttered. "And the truth is, I don't know even know if what I want really matters anyway."

I could sense the defeat in her voice and it just made me overwhelmingly sad for her. "Of course it matters," I whispered, pressing a kiss to the side of her face.

She swiftly shook her head. "I haven't heard from AJ since we got back to Hogwarts after the holidays," she muttered. "Not once. I wrote to her twice but did she respond? No. I thought for sure I'd get an earful about how I could absolutely do better than you once she found out we were dating but it was more radio silence. Evidently, she's still not too happy with me."

In that moment, I wanted to strangle her sister.

"Isn't staying in England for your sister just as bad as me wanting to leave England because of my father?"

She hesitated before looking up at me, her one eyebrow crooking upwards. "So you admit you want to leave England because of your father?"

Oops.

"We aren't talking about me anymore," I said hastily. "I know that your head and your heart are conflicted, but you have time to figure things out, Ace. You don't have to know what you're going to do post-graduation right this moment. Take some time. Weigh your options. Think about it. And make the decision that you feel is right for _you_ , not what you feel is right for everyone else."

She smiled at me and wrapped her arms around my shoulders, pulling herself close to me. "Am I allowed to give you the same advice?" she asked.

"I always make decisions that are right for me. I'm selfish that way," I said in jest.

She rolled her eyes. "Take some time. Weigh your options. Think about it. You don't have to know what team you'd like to play for right this moment."

"Ah, that advice," I chuckled, leaning over to press a kiss to her lips. With a sigh and then a shrug, I said, "Okay, I'll think about it if you will."

She smiled. "Deal."

I grabbed her hand and dragged her back over to the bed, pulling her down on to my lap. "I do know one thing," I said, brushing her hair away from her face.

"Oh yeah? What's that?"

I pressed my forehead against hers with a smile. "That whatever I do and wherever I go, none of it will matter if I don't have you."

She pulled away from me, the awe and gratitude resting heavily in her eyes. "You really do have a way with words, y'know that?"

"It comes and goes," I teased. "Now, on to more important matters. Why are you still wearing a shirt?"

She laughed and shut me up with a kiss.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I reluctantly made my way back to my room before my next class and only because Alice said I couldn't go to Transfiguration without my textbook. I tried distracting her with another kiss but she pushed me away and pointed to the door.

Venturing into my empty bedroom, I made my way over to my desk. I dug through the cluttered pile of books and parchment before finding my Transfiguration book and shoving it into my bag. I headed back towards the door but something on my bed caught my eye and I stopped short.

Frowning curiously, I dropped on to the edge of my bed and picked up the gift-wrapped box. As far as I was aware, I had received all of my birthday gifts from the usual suspects: Fred, Lily, Dash, Jax, Rose, and of course Alice. Curiosity getting the better of me, I tossed my schoolbag aside and ripped open the striped wrapping paper. Pulling the top of the box off and peering in, I suddenly froze.

Staring up at me was a framed photo of me at my very first Quidditch match on the shoulders of my father.

It didn't take a genius to figure out that he had been the one to give it to me.

I stared numbly at the photo, taking in the oversized Cannons jersey I was wearing and the askew baseball hat on my father's head. I watched as the sun shone brightly on both of our faces, our smiles wide and our eyes jovial. Life had been so easy back then. He had been the father I looked up to, and not just because I was shorter, and I had been the son he spoiled and doted on, and not just because he had to. We had been a real family, the perfect boy holding on to his father because it made him feel safe and comforted.

And now what did we have?

Nothing.

Literally nothing.

"What's that?"

I yelped, dropping the framed photograph on to the floor as Fred stopped short in the doorway with an amused laugh.

"Jumpy much?" he chuckled, striding into the room. He picked up the photo and handed it to me, but not without glimpsing at it first. His eyes lit up with a laugh. "Shit, you look so young."

I looked down at the photo with a frown. "I look so happy," I muttered.

Fred seemed to sense there was a shift of emotion in the room as he perched hesitantly on the edge of his bed. "You okay?"

Not looking to get into another conversation regarding my father, I tossed the photo on to my bed and switched gears. "Seems like that question could be better asked to you."

His spine stiffened, expectedly so. "Fine," he said flatly, hastily picking himself off his bed and reaching for his own schoolbag hanging around the back of his desk chair. "We should be getting to class."

He headed towards the door but I didn't budge. "I spoke to Carver this morning."

He halted at the door but didn't turn around. "Why the hell did you do that?"

"Well, I ran into her in the Transfiguration courtyard and I thought it would have been rude not saying anything," I drawled sarcastically.

Fred turned around for a mere second only to glare at me before he ripped open the door and stormed out.

"You forgot to mention to me last night that she told you she loved you," I called after him.

I couldn't see around the door but I was hoping that might make him venture back into the bedroom with his tail tucked between his legs.

He did.

"I didn't forget," he murmured as he hovered in the doorway. "I chose not to say anything."

Yeah, I figured that one out for myself, Fred.

"I think you love her, too," I said.

Frustration flickered in his eyes. "I do not," he huffed. "Why do you think I broke things off?"

"I think you broke things off with her _because_ you love her, not because you don't."

His eyes darkened. "You don't know what you're talking about, James," he hissed, whirling back around and hastily walking away.

I grabbed my bag and swung it over my shoulders to chase after him. I hesitated when the framed photo now on my bed caught my eye and I instinctively reached for it and shoved it under my bed so as to completely forget about it. I had no desire to try to read into why my father would have given me the framed photo, whether it was his way of saying he missed what we used to have or whether it was just some sort of goodbye gesture, so I decided ignoring it was my only option.

I flooded out of the room, slamming the door behind me and took the stairs by twos, catching up with Fred just before hitting the common room.

"I think you're scared, Fred," I called after him with a bashful shrug. "I think that sometimes the most difficult thing a person can do is give their heart to another. But she loves you and I think you love her and while I used to believe that it is no coincidence that falling in love and falling apart both have the word 'falling' in it, sometimes the only thing you can do is let yourself fall and pray that she'll always be there to catch you."

Fred stopped at the bottom of the stairwell, ignoring a portrait of an old knight beside us that said, "The boy knows what he's talking about."

I glared at the portrait and waited for Fred to turn around and say something.

He didn't turn around but he did say, "That all sounded way too mushy coming out of your mouth."

Not exactly what I was hoping for him to say but I merely shrugged and said, "Yeah, well, you can blame Ace for that one."

There was a long pause before Fred finally turned around to face me. "If AliCat told you today that she loved you, what would you do?"

I'd like to pretend I had to think about it but my immediate thought was that I'd run for the hills.

Not because it mattered what she felt, or what I possibly felt, but because that had always been my answer in the past.

It was pathetic how similar Fred and I really were.

"We're not talking about me here," I pointed out huffily.

"But you get it," he said softly, his voice rough and regretful. "I know you do."

I frowned. "Okay," I said with a slight nod, "So maybe I understand a little too well what you're probably feeling right now, but-"

"Complete and utter panic?" he muttered.

Yeah, that sounded about right.

I looked at him and shrugged. "Yeah, it's fucking terrifying, Fred," I sighed. "None of this was supposed to happen. We weren't supposed to find these girls who make us want to be better people. We weren't supposed to find these girls who make commitment seem worth it. We weren't supposed to find these girls who make _love_ seem worth it. _But we did_. And if you can honestly stand there and tell me that your life is far better without her than it is with her, I'll drop this subject altogether. But I think we both know that that isn't the case."

He looked at me with an overwhelming amount of confusion and worry, his expression turning grim. "You've never really cared about my relationship before, never really cared to get to know us, so I beg of you to not try now."

I was about to argue with him but I found myself stopping short because I knew he wasn't completely wrong. I had accepted his relationship with Ryleigh (eventually) but I rarely asked him how things were going with her. I never really asked him about her at all.

"You might be right about that," I muttered apologetically, "But I don't have to know your relationship to know how much she meant to you. You wouldn't have given up everything you ever cared about for her if she didn't mean something to you."

"So maybe she meant something once. Big deal. Things change in relationships all the time," he huffed. "We're going to be late to class if we don't keep going."

"Things _evolve_ in relationships all the time," I corrected him, jogging after him as he strolled through the common room. "It's okay to love her, mate."

He halted just before the portrait hole and slowly turned around, the frustration replaced with genuine contemplation. "I can't be with her. I shouldn't be with her. I'm just going to find a way to break her heart."

"I think you already did that, mate," I drawled, perhaps a tad too bitterly based off the frustration in Fred's eyes. "And would you quit making excuses and just admit that you love her?"

Fred frowned. "I don't know how to love her."

I shrugged. "You don't have to know how. You just have to know why."

He shook his head in disbelief. "For fuck's sake, would you quit it with the mushy comments?" he groaned.

I couldn't help but chuckle. "I'll quit it with the mushy comments when you quit it with the excuses."

He sighed but said nothing, leaning up against the wall as he let his emotions take over his thoughts. I could see the panic in his eyes, though I had a feeling it wouldn't be going away anytime soon. Letting someone in long enough for them to see the real you was an incredibly overwhelming feeling because that meant that there was nowhere you could hide that they couldn't find you. No guy is good at being vulnerable, but Fred and I especially aren't good at it as we are only just learning what that can truly mean. But in my mind, if you find the right person to be vulnerable with, it isn't so scary after all.

"Er…are you guys planning on leaving anytime soon or are you just going to continue standing there blocking the rest of us from leaving?"

Both Fred and I whirled around as Cass came up behind us with a sheepish chuckle.

"We were just leaving," Fred muttered before leading us out.

He took off hastily and I sighed, watching him go and hoping that something I said would make him realize that being with Ryleigh, even with all of the fear and panic, was better than not being with her at all.

But if I knew Fred at all, then there was a good chance that it would take him a very long while to get there.

If he got there at all.

"He okay?" Cass asked, her brow furrowing as she glanced up at me.

I sighed. "No, he isn't," I murmured. "But he's going to pretend he is because let's face it, that's all anyone in my family is good at."

Me included.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"So the question is," I spoke to my team that night at practice, "Have we figured out which team we're rooting for next Saturday?"

Silence followed.

"Guess that's a no," I chuckled, shaking my head.

"All we can do is root for a very low-scoring game," Rose spoke from where she lay flat on her back on one of the benches.

"Amen to that," Jax agreed.

I shrugged. "Alright, so we won't root for either team per se, we'll just root-"

"I'm rooting for Ravenclaw," Fred suddenly announced.

All heads turned to look at him including mine. Only mine held a glare.

"Why?" Cass insisted, the suspicion in her tone. "Won't your girlfriend be mad?"

"She might be if she were my girlfriend anymore, which she isn't."

Way to just blurt that one out, Fred.

Shouts of shock and protest filled the locker room but I ignored all of them.

 _"Fred_ ," I groaned, shaking my head at him. "I thought we talked about this."

He looked at me in all of his heartbreak glory. "I want to play Quidditch," he pleaded.

If he was anything like me, he wanted to play Quidditch as a way of distracting himself from whatever the hell was going on inside his head. And if I was a nice person, I would have agreed to let him participate in practice. But no one ever said I was nice.

"No," I said with a shrug.

He blinked. "Excuse me?"

"Yeah, excuse him?" Jax said with his eyebrows way up in his forehead.

"I said no," I said firmly. "I'm not letting you play, Fred. I'm keeping Hugo in. That bench is all yours, m'friend."

Fred could only gape at me, his eyes wide with shock.

With his lack of a response, Rose chimed in. "Uh, can we go back to the whole Fred-no-longer-has-a-girlfriend thing?" she spoke up, raising her hand into the air.

"I am ten times the beater Hugo is and you know it!" Fred finally exploded at me, ignoring our cousin altogether. "Er…no offense, Hugo."

"Or not," Rose muttered to herself.

Hugo's eyes widened, clearly looking as if he'd rather not have been put on the spot. "Uh, yeah, I'm just going to let you and James duke this out," he muttered.

"You may be better than Hugo—no offense, Hugo—but I don't particularly enjoy playing with cowards," I drawled.

" _Excuse me_?" Fred snapped, jumping off the bench in outrage.

"You heard me," I barked. "New Gryffindor team rule: cowards get benched."

Based on the very wary looks of all of my teammates, I had a feeling they were all thinking that this conversation could not end well.

They were probably right. But then again, we all knew how good I was at being stubborn.

"You didn't seem to think that rule applied to Jax when he was too much of a coward to tell Rose how he felt!" Fred seethed.

"Whoa, keep me out of this," Jax muttered. Hesitating, he added, "And to be fair, I wasn't being a coward, I just thought Rose hated me."

Both Fred and I glared at him.

Grimacing sheepishly, Jax slunk down on the bench and murmured, "But like I said, keep me out of this."

"And what about CJ or your sister?" Fred barked at me. "They were too cowardly to let you in on their bloody relationship and yet both of them are sitting pretty on your team!"

"I wasn't even on the damned team at that time!" Lily groaned.

"That's the part you're arguing?" CJ muttered with a hint of a smile.

"Or how about AliCat?" Fred continued, ignoring the couple completely. "She had feelings for you for a while and never bothered to mention anything to you and yet you never felt the need to bench her!"

Alice smacked Fred with the end of her broom, a glare very evident in her stare. "How about James just benches you for being a complete and utter twat?" she growled.

"I am no longer breaking the goddamned Code!" Fred exploded, though it was hard to tell exactly who he was screaming at. " _So put me up in the fucking air_!"

"No," I said firmly. "That bench has your name written all over it, Fred. Better get used to it."

There was a collective inhale at my rather terse comment and Fred looked like he was seriously contemplating murdering me.

"Do you want me to just quit outright?" Fred sneered, his tone clipped with the smallest hint of desperation. "Is that what you're looking for from me, Potter?"

"No," I said, shaking my head. "But the last time a beater decided to take their feelings out on a bludger, Ace was in the hospital wing for three days."

"Oh, so apparently you think I'm overemotional, is that it?" he barked.

"No, actually, I think you're trying to use Quidditch to _avoid_ your emotions and I'm not going to let you do that," I said with a mere shrug. "She loves you. You love her. _Deal with it_."

There was a quiet murmur of surprise which was expected seeing as the idea of Fred in love had at one point been laughable. But that just goes to show you that everybody has the ability to change for the better.

Fred's face was red, though whether it was from anger or embarrassment, I couldn't be sure. "Y'know what, James? Do whatever the hell you want. I'm out," he hissed, turning around and fleeing the room.

" _Fred_!" I called after him but he ignored me as he barged through the swinging doors and disappeared.

An awkward silence coated the locker room until Rose spoke.

"So," she said, clearing her throat, "I think that went rather well, don't you?"

I glared at her.

"Fred loves Ryleigh?" Lily spoke curiously.

Glancing over at my sister, I shrugged. "He won't admit it."

To my surprise, she burst into laughter. "Well, of course he won't. There isn't a single male in our entire family who has the emotional maturity to talk openly about their feelings."

Rose let out a chuckle and I noticed that Alice nodded in agreement. Scowling, I glanced over at Hugo and said, "I'm pretty sure my sister just totally insulted us."

Hugo considered this before shrugging. "Doesn't mean she's wrong."

Unfortunately, he had a point.

"Well," I said, shaking my head, "I'm so glad we spent the first ten minutes of practice discussing absolutely nothing to do with Quidditch. Would anyone like to actually practice or would you prefer we all just hold hands in a circle and sing Kumbaya to each other?"

Laughter filled the room and Cass spoke up. "I certainly hope that's not a real suggestion."

With a soft chuckle, I said, "C'mon, let's start practice."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I fled the locker room before even taking a shower, determined to go after Fred. It was probably a death wish on my part. I was certain Fred was looking for something to hex and I had a feeling I was his number one target. But I needed him to understand that me keeping him benched wasn't me trying to hinder him, it was me trying to help.

I was not at all surprised to see Fred pacing the floor, ranting about me to Dash when I opened the door to the bedroom.

"You have some nerve showing up here, y'know that?" Fred barked at me the moment I walked in.

"You have some nerve turning your back on the only girl you've ever loved," I retaliated.

"Shit, you love Carver?" Dash spoke up, looking at Fred in shock.

"This has nothing to do with you!" Fred exploded, though who he was talking to was unclear. "So how about you stay the hell out of my business?"

I had to assume the second part was directed at me. " _Talk to her_."

"I have nothing to say to her," he hissed.

"Sure you do. You have three words to say. Three little words. Three words that perhaps you're too afraid to say, but she isn't. _Three goddamned words_. So just bloody say them, alright?"

I flinched as Fred barreled towards me, anger spewing in his eyes. " _Three little words_?" he growled in my face. "You think that's all it is? Three _little_ words? Just say them and suddenly all is fixed?"

"Don't say them unless you mean them," Dash practically begged.

"He means them," I spoke up before Fred could say anything, grimacing at the glare I received from my cousin only inches away from me. "He's just too afraid to mean them."

"Stop pretending like you know a goddamned thing about what I'm feeling!"

"I do know what you're feeling because I _am_ you!" I snapped at him. "I have this incredible girl who means the bloody world to me, who I'd save from a burning building without giving it a second thought, who I'd lay down my life for, whose life means more to me than my own, and yet if someone told me today that I had to make a choice between saying I loved her and losing her forever, she would somehow wind up a dead woman. But the thing is, Fred, I might not be there yet, _but you are_."

Both Fred and Dash gaped at me, the anger from the former suddenly giving way to shock. "You'd let her die before telling her how you felt?"

"This isn't about me!" I groaned.

"Bloody cold, mate," Dash said, shaking his head.

Well, that completely backfired.

"I'm still very much in the trying-not-to-screw-things-up phase," I grunted. "I'm not even close to the whole loving-her phase. Give me a break, won't you?"

"Because you're giving me one?" Fred grumbled.

"Tell me, Fred," I spoke softly, "Is she the first thing you think about in the morning? The last thing you think about at night? Does she occupy your dreams? Do you love just being around her? Do you seem to never tire of kissing her?"

I was surprised when Dash chimed in. "Do you smile every time she walks into the room? Does your heart speed up at the mere sight of her? Is it more than just sex, more than just a physical connection? Does she invade your every thought? Does she make you want to be a better person?"

Fred was standing there shaking his head in denial at everything we said, his eyes squeezed tight both out of annoyance and skepticism. " _Stop_ ," he practically pleaded. "Just…stop. Please."

We did and when his eyes opened, I held up my hands. "Burning building," I said, holding up my one palm, "Or admit you love her," I finished, holding up my other palm. "Which is it going to be?"

It was amazing how many emotions ran through Fred's eyes from frustration to defeat to regret to disappointment to anger to desperation and then finally to fear. I couldn't help but wonder which emotion he was going to listen to.

"It's okay to be scared," I sighed. "Just…let her be scared with you."

He glanced towards Dash as if he held all the answers but my other roommate merely shrugged. "Listen to him. He knows what he's talking about."

Fred said nothing at first though an irritated glare passed across his facial features. He stood there stoically, his every thought taking over his emotions, before he let out a and shoved past me, heading towards the door.

"Where are you going?" I asked, hoping his answer was going to be 'to find Ryleigh.'

It wasn't.

" _Anywhere that gets me away from you_."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I trudged down the stairs feeling slightly defeated after my conversation and scoured the room until I saw Alice perched on an empty couch in the corner. I made my way over to her and with a groan, dropped on to the couch beside her. Before I could get a word out, Alice spoke up.

"So," Alice she said, turning to me with narrowed eyes, "You want to tell me what's going on with Fred or should I just guess?"

I glanced over at her. "Your guess would probably be quite spot-on."

"My guess is that Ryleigh told him she loved him and he ran away screaming."

"I told you it would be spot-on," I said. Hesitating, I said, "Though I think the screaming was more metaphorical than literal."

She sighed, ignoring my rather lame attempt at a joke. "Lily was right. You Peasleys are so predictable."

I blinked. "That's not what she said."

"She might as well have," she said with a shrug. "Think about it for a second, James. You and Fred and Louis had never exactly been the poster children for how to appropriately treat women before this year. You used them, you played them, you toyed with them, and then you tossed them aside the very first chance you could because some new victim, usually prettier and more dim-witted than the last, came along."

Saying ouch here would nowhere near describe how cutting that felt.

"It is no wonder Fred felt he had to escape his relationship with Ryleigh. He's never had feelings nor has he ever dealt with them," she continued.

She said Fred's name but it sounded as if his name could have been replaced with mine.

"So let me get this straight," I spoke with the slightest iciness to my tone, "It's not that we're emotionally immature as my sister suggested, it's that we're completely void of feelings altogether? Is that it?"

Her brow furrowed in confusion. "That's not what I'm say-"

"That's exactly what you're saying."

Alice frowned. "Well," she murmured, shrugging awkwardly, "It did take you two weeks to tell me how _you_ felt."

That only seemed to contradict her statement. "Oh, but how did I do that when apparently none of the males in my family have any feelings at all?"

She grimaced. "Jay-"

"I get that the whole committed relationship thing is new for all of us," I spoke, cutting her off, "And I get that that can be a bit scary and can cause us to panic. But don't tell me that escaping or running is our only answer to not dealing with our feelings because if that were really true, I wouldn't be here with you right now. Maybe it took me a while to get there but I manned up eventually."

She looked at me, her eyes not betraying what she was thinking, as her forehead creased with hesitation. "I'm not saying it's your only answer," she spoke softly. "I'm just saying that maybe it takes you guys a while to realize that you don't want to escape or run at all."

I felt my frustration dissipate slowly for she unfortunately made a rather good point. I couldn't pretend I didn't have flaws. And it was hard knowing that the person I cared about most was able to detect those flaws no matter how hard I'd like to bury them. But that was also so much of the reason I was with her.

"I'm not going anywhere, Ace," I said slowly.

She blinked in surprise. "I…didn't say you were," she responded cautiously.

"It's not hard to believe that Fred fleeing from Ryleigh after one intense conversation doesn't have you thinking I might do the same."

She turned away from me, her thoughts churning. "I'm just as scared and panicked as I know Fred is. As I know you are, too, Jay," she murmured. "This isn't just one-sided."

I reached for her hand, knowing full well that being in a relationship with me wasn't always easy. Hell, it was probably never easy. But she was still with me so that had to count for something. "I'm all in, remember?"

She turned back towards me, a reassuring smile on her face. "I am, too," she whispered, pressing her head to my forehead before planting a quick kiss against my lips.

When we pulled apart, Alice asked, "What do you think is going to happen with Fred and Ryleigh?"

I considered the question before shrugging. "I hope he gets his act together soon," I murmured.

Alice hesitated. "Might I remind you that it took you two weeks to get your act together?"

I groaned. "In other words, those two are doomed."

She shrugged. "Hey, there's a chance he's more emotionally mature than you."

I glared at her and then smacked her with a pillow.

While she laughed, I wondered if Fred would be able to quiet his fears enough to let Ryleigh in. I could see it going either way. It was clear how much the Hufflepuff meant to him for he never would have given up his spot on the Quidditch team if she wasn't special to him but was needing her enough for him to admit he loved her? It was weird to think about for Fred had never exactly been the head-over-heels type but he was a different person now than he was a year ago. Ryleigh made him want to be a better person, just like Alice made me want to be a better person, and if he didn't want to lose her forever, he'd have to realize that being scared of love is okay as long as embrace it instead of run from it.

I wondered if one day I'd be taking my own advice.

I heard the portrait door open and grimaced when Fred wandered in. I met his gaze and was surprised to see that it wasn't anger staring back at me. I was even more surprised when Fred headed our way.

He dropped on to the edge of the coffee table in front of us and said, "You're a real prat, James, y'know that?"

I shrugged. "Yeah, I've been told that once or twice or ten times before."

He offered me a lopsided smile. "But you're a prat who apparently knows what he's talking about."

My eyebrow quirked. "Oh, I do, do I?"

"Remember yesterday when I said you had your star beater back?"

When I looked at him, I saw a cheeky smile staring back at me. I chuckled. "Oh, please tell me you're on the bench again."

He grinned and then nodded. "Sorry. Code rules, mate."

I grinned back at him, which is when Alice intervened. "Well, whatdya know, turns out Fred _is_ more emotionally mature than you, Jay."

She ducked as I tried slamming her with another pillow.

"Tell us," Alice asked Fred eagerly, "What happened?"

He considered the question carefully, a slow smile trickling on to his already beaming face. He met my gaze and with a chuckle, he said, "I ran into the burning building."

I couldn't help the goofy grin that spread across my face. "You ran into the burning building."

And then we were both grinning like the pathetic lovesick puppies we were all while Alice looked back and forth between us in clear bewilderment. "I'm going to have to assume that's some metaphor I'm just not privy to considering you look rather burn-free, Fred."

Fred chuckled, pulling his legs on to the table to sit crosslegged. "I was pissed off at James after our lovely clubhouse conversation—you're still a jackass by the way—and then I was even more pissed when he tried to butt in upstairs and I decided it would be a really good idea to take my anger with James out on Ryleigh so I went in search for her and I demanded to know why she had to go and suddenly change everything between us, and-"

"Well, I take back that whole mature comment," Alice muttered.

"-and then she proceeded to tell me it was all my fault for chasing her in the first place when she had never asked to be in a relationship with me and then I told her it was actually her fault for being so bloody perfect and-"

"Okay, that's kinda cute," Alice smiled.

"-there we are yelling at each other in the middle of a very public hallway surrounded by way too many Hufflepuffs and it's escalating and I don't even know what I'm saying nor am I really hearing her and I just got so charged up that I just grabbed her and I kissed her and then I told her that of course I love her because how could I not? And I had just freaked out and I ran because I'm hardly the expert on loving someone but yet she somehow made it so easy and then half the crowd of Hufflepuffs are all oohing and ahhing and the other half are making faces and Ryleigh is standing there looking so freaking gorgeous but she's confused and stunned and she has to ask me to repeat it so I do and then there's more oohing and ahhing and faces and then she kisses me and tells me to never let her go again and I say of course not because I'm not stupid and then the Hufflepuffs are all bored so they leave and it's just me and Ryleigh and suddenly everything is perfect again."

This story was making me feel so warm and gooey inside.

Okay, no, it wasn't, because I lost track of anything he was saying about halfway through.

Fred was sitting there with a goofy grin on his face and beside me, Alice was doubled over in laughter. "You really need to work on your story-telling, Fred."

He shrugged, a laugh at the edge of his own lips. "Hey, I think I got the finer points across."

"Did you?" I mused. "I kinda stopped listening halfway through."

Fred outstretched his foot to kick me in the shin which just caused us all to erupt into laughter again.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I had been receiving nearly two letters a day from Mum for the past week, most likely to scold me for the argument Dad and I got into, but considering I didn't bother opening them, I couldn't be entirely sure.

"She's just going to keep on sending them until you respond," Fred pointed out as I set her latest letter on fire at the breakfast table.

"Whatever" was my typical angsty teenage response.

On the last Thursday in February, Lily dropped down next to me at breakfast and threw a piece of paper in my face. " _Will you write to Mum already_?"

I glanced down at the piece of paper, which was apparently a letter Mum had written to her. "No," I said.

She glared at me. "What in the bloody hell went down between you and Dad?"

"Nothing out of the ordinary," I lied for it was by far the most explosive fight we've had. I knew Dad had no plans to write to me anytime soon, or ever again, and I had no plans to do the same so evidently we were at a stalemate. A stalemate that neither of us particularly cared about. It was over, it was done. I said my peace, he said his, and I walked away before either of us could actually admit out loud just how much we actually hated one another.

Lily growled and peeled open the letter. "Quote: I am extremely concerned about your brother and your father, Lily, neither of whom are willing to discuss with me their latest disagreement. Your brother being away at school makes it easier for him to ignore me. Your father chooses to just walk out every time I try to bring the subject up. But this is no way for a father and son to behave. They deserve better than this. Both of them. Something feels different about this one, almost final, and I don't like it. I don't like it at all. So please tell your brother to stop ignoring my letters or I WILL find a reason to come visit that school and ask him in person. End quote."

I noticed that not once did Mum refer to me as 'James' but always as Lily's brother. I wondered what that meant. Was she upset with me or was it all just concern as she mentioned?

"She won't show up here unannounced," I eventually said with a shrug. "That's an empty threat and you know it."

"That's not really the part I'm concerned about!" she groaned. "What the hell did you and Dad say to each other?"

I glared at her. "Don't worry about it, Lils. It's none of your business anyway."

She glared right back. "I can't not worry about it," she whined. "I love you and I love Dad and I hate seeing you like this. Mum is right. You deserve better."

"She can't play the role of the mediator all the bloody time," I growled. "Especially since we both know there's one person in particular she sides with more."

"No one is taking sides!" Lily snapped at me. "Not yet anyway. And don't you dare let it come to that."

My frustrations were at an all-time high. "Oh, sure, because this is all my fault, right?" I seethed. "Because it's always my fault? Because I don't know how to take responsibility for my own screw-up tendencies, right? Because I'm so ungrateful and selfish and because I blame everyone else but me, _right_?"

I hastily stood up off the bench as Lily stared at me, bewildered. "What the hell are you— _dammit, James, where are you going_? I never said any of that! _James_!"

I ignored her as I stormed out of the Great Hall.

That didn't stop her from coming after me later that afternoon.

She dropped on to the couch beside me and I used that time to glare at her. "Go away, Lils."

She said nothing at first, leaning back against the couch with a sigh. "I hate it when you and Dad fight."

I looked up from my terribly-written Potions essay with a frown. "Then you're in luck because I do believe we are all fought out."

Her eyes narrowed suspiciously. "Why do I find that hard to believe?"

"Believe what you want, Lils," I drawled, glancing back down at the page in front of me hoping she would take the hint.

She didn't.

"This isn't about me or what I believe," she sighed. "It's about you and Dad and the fact that neither of you are willing to clue Mum in, which if I'm being honest, isn't terribly fair to her because all she's trying to do here is care about the both of you. So can you _please just write her back_?"

I tossed my quill down and shot her a glare. "I don't want to talk about this, Lils. Not with you and not with Mum. By ignoring Mum's letters and ignoring you and storming out this morning, I would have assumed you'd understand that but apparently not. So let me just give it to you straight: _I am not interested in talking about Dad_. We said our peace and that's that. We're fine with the way things are so how about you and Mum just be fine with it, too?"

She gaped at me. "You're not fine with the way things are," she sighed. "You're just pretending to be."

She wasn't completely wrong.

But then again, she wasn't right either.

"I have to be fine with it," I pleaded, shooting her one heck of a desperate look. "There's nothing else left for me to do."

"Except write to Mum and tell her that yourself," she growled.

So that she could find yet another way to defend Dad and make me feel bad about myself?

No thanks.

"Please, Lily," I begged, using her given name for the first time all conversation. "Please just drop it. I'm begging you to let this go. For me."

I could see the concern in her eyes and the worry in her heart as she looked at me in slight desperation. She didn't respond immediately as an unexpected defeat settled into her expression. Eventually, she looked away and said, "Okay."

I blinked in surprise. "Really?"

She slowly shrugged. "It's your life," she murmured as she pulled herself off the couch. "I'd like to think I'm a part of it, but even though we have the same dad, we don't have the same feelings about him. So you were right. I don't understand. And I'm done trying to."

With that, she disappeared off towards the girls' stairwell, leaving me behind feeling somehow worse than I already did.

Lily was and always had been the pushy one in the family, always needing to know every detail of everyone's life. It got on my nerves most of the time, hell it got on my nerves all the time, but I had at some point grown accustomed to her constant prodding and nitpicking.

The fact that she was giving up, just like Dad and just like me, told me that whatever relationship I could have had with my father was officially over.

And this time, I wasn't entirely sure who was to blame.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"Heard you got into some words with your sister."

I glanced up from the playbook as Alice dropped down beside me. It was just after dinner and I had taken occupancy of one of the Quidditch bleachers, not bothering to suit up and hit the skies for I knew the Hufflepuffs would be starting their practice in a short minute's time.

"That makes it sound like I fought with her," I countered. "Which I didn't. Not really."

"Everything okay?"

My lips pursed. "You know it isn't."

She nudged me with her elbow and I reluctantly looked up from the circles and triangles on the page in front of me. "You want to talk about it."

I sighed, shutting the playbook in my lap and looking past the Quidditch hoops at the dying sunset. "Y'know, a part of him took away the love I had for this pitch."

She blinked, clearly not expecting that. "What?"

I turned towards her, meeting the confusion in her gaze. "After my argument with you last week, the morning after my birthday, I stormed off towards the Quidditch pitch because duh," I murmured, which elicited a small smile from her, "And he was here, almost like he was waiting for me. That was the last conversation we had. The one that didn't exactly end well. All I've had are good memories on this pitch and now there's a not-so-good one."

I felt her hand reach for mine. "Ah, yes, remember that time we lost to the Slytherins in last year's final? Such a good memory."

Scoffing, I turned to meet her teasing grin. "I like to block that memory out."

"And you'll find a way to block out the memory of your father on this pitch, too."

I knew what she was getting at, that I always seemed to find a way to somehow make things worse in my mind with my father than they had to be. And even though she didn't say that aloud, I knew she was right to think it. Just like I had the power to incorporate him into my every thought, I also had the power to push those same thoughts away.

So I turned and smiled at her. "I hate it when you're smarter than me."

Her eyebrow popped up. "Gee, then you must hate me all the time."

She yelped when I grabbed her around the waist and began to taunt her by tickling her sides. She was both groaning and laughing as she struggled against my grasp and I eventually let up, hastily planting a kiss on her pouting lips.

"I could never hate you," I murmured, pressing my forehead to hers.

She smiled, brushing a hair from my face. "Same goes for you, Jay."

I kissed her again but only got to enjoy it for a few seconds before a new voice interrupted us.

"Oy, if you're looking to spy on us, hiding out in plain sight is a terrible way to do so!"

Pulling apart from Alice reluctantly, I turned towards the pitch where Kye and Ryleigh stood, the former with narrowed eyes and the latter looking like she was holding back a laugh.

"Don't get your granny panties in a bunch, Tannehill," I called back as I gathered my things and pulled myself off the bench. "I'm not here to spy on you."

Grabbing Alice's hand, we made our way down the stairwell and poured out on to the field.

"I'd rather you didn't think about my panties, Potter," Kye drawled. "I have a feeling your girlfriend here would rather you didn't either."

That time, Ryleigh didn't even bother trying to hold in her laughter. I shot her a look. "What are you laughing at, Carver? Dash found some lacy yellow and black drawers underneath his bed last week. I presume those belong to you, Hufflepuff?"

Her cheeks flushed a light shade of pink. "Those could belong to any Hufflepuff," she argued like a true resistor.

"The only one of my roommates who has ever gone after a Hufflepuff was Fred. You really want to stick with the story that they aren't yours?"

Her cheeks were now bright red. "Well, I'm definitely in the not-liking-you phase right now, Potter."

"Nonsense," I smirked, waving my hand dismissively. "You have to love me. I got you and Freddo back together."

She blinked. "What?"

"Oh, he didn't tell you?" I chuckled. "I basically hit him upside the head until he admitted he was in love with you. You're welcome."

Ryleigh's mouth dropped open and Kye looked both dumbfounded and impressed.

"For the record," Alice sighed when they said nothing, "He didn't literally hit Fred upside the head. He's speaking metaphorically."

"I should have smacked him around a bit," I contemplated. "It probably would have done the trick just as well."

"Let's not go promoting the violence of our friend-"

"You had to coerce him into thinking he loved me?" Ryleigh interrupted and I could have sworn I heard both shock and irritation in her tone.

"Whoa, hold up there. I didn't have to coerce anything," I said firmly. "He already knew he loved you. He was just afraid to admit it. So I gave him the push he needed, told him it was okay to be scared of love as long as he didn't let himself run from it. Merlin knows he would have regretted that decision for the rest of his life."

That seemed to relax her as a small smile appeared on her face. "Well," she said with a quiet chuckle, "Who knew James Potter was such a softie."

I scoffed. "You take that back!"

"Actually," Alice smirked, looping her arm in mine, "I can't help but agree with her."

I gaped at her. "Traitor!"

"Yes, how traitorous of me to paint my boyfriend in a good light."

"Who knew that was even possible," Kye chimed in with her own smirk.

"Yes! See? Tannehill knows the real me!"

"She knows the you that you try to be," Ryleigh argued, shaking her head at me. "But the jig is up. You care about people, Potter."

"If mocking me is what I get for handing you Freddo on a silver platter, I suddenly wish I had the brooding, sullen version of him back," I drawled.

"Not me," Kye said hastily. "Ryleigh was a whining pain in my arse those thirty-two hours she was suddenly single."

Ryleigh jabbed the bristles of her broom into Kye, who merely scooted away with a laugh. "I can't wait until you find yourself a boyfriend and you're suddenly the pain in my arse."

"Who's got time for a boyfriend?" she argued with a mere shrug. "I've got a Quidditch match to win. Speaking of, the rest of the team is arriving so kindly remove yourselves from our practice, Potter."

I made a face. "Fine, fine," I gave in. "Good luck on Saturday."

"You rooting for Hufflepuff?" she questioned curiously.

"I'm rooting for a pathetically low-scoring game," I argued. "So low that the match ends after two minutes. I'll even give you three. Just enough time for everyone to get settled into their seats right before they'll be forced to leave them."

"The only pathetic thing here is you, Potter," she smirked and grabbing Ryleigh's arm, she disappeared towards the locker room and I reluctantly left the pitch with my arm still wrapped around Alice.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

It was unseasonably warm that first weekend in March as the team and I trekked up the stairs into the bleachers before the start of the Hufflepuff-Ravenclaw match. My Gryffindor scarf was hanging loosely around my neck and my sleeves were rolled up as the sun beat down on us. I moved through the throng of students towards the commentator's booth and settled into a set of empty bleachers as the rest of the team followed suit.

I reached over and tugged on Rose's sweatshirt hood from where she sat in the commentator's booth. She yelped and turned around, a glare already etched into her face. Her expression showed a brief sign of surprise when she saw me, but the glare didn't completely dissipate. "This is not where you usually sit, James."

I shrugged. "I told you the whole team has to sit together. Just because you're sharing commentating duties with Dash today doesn't mean you get a free pass from that."

She rolled her eyes and turned around to resume her conversation with Dash. Grinning, I glanced back over at my teammates who were all chattering away with one another. Instinctively, I reached over and wrapped my arm around Alice, pulling her into me and planting a kiss in her hair. She looked up at me quizzically and I just shrugged. "Is there anything better than Quidditch?"

She chuckled and leaned over to kiss me.

"WELCOME ALL TO THE FOURTH REGULAR SEASON QUIDDITCH MATCH!" Rose's voice boomed throughout the stadium.

"All teams are still heavily involved in playoff contention," Dash explained, "But a loss for Hufflepuff will make it awfully difficult for them."

"The same could be said about Ravenclaw," Rose added. "They may have one game left of the year after today but they are currently in last place in points so a win could really help them out. What are your predictions for today, Finnigan?"

"Well, Weasley, I predict that one team will win and one team will lose."

The stands erupted into laughter then and even Rose found it difficult trying to keep her composure. "Very astute observation, Finnigan," she spoke through her giggles. "How about we just introduce the teams now?"

"Let's first welcome the Ravenclaws!" Dash called out. "First, we have double-double-toil-and-trouble, the Scamander twins as your beaters!"

"Next are the chaser trio of Callum Finch, Ainsley Bennet, and Quinn Zander!"

"Let's welcome to the pitch your Captain and keeper, Brooks Pruitt!"

"And last but certainly not least is strangely enough my _only_ cousin on the pitch tonight, your impeccable seeker, Roxanne Weasley!"

The crowd went wild as the Ravenclaw players took to the sky. I clapped along, though not very loudly as I was still uncertain about which team would be better for me to root for, and waited for the Hufflepuffs to be announced.

"And here come your Hufflepuffs!" Dash boasted. "First, we've got your unstoppable beater duo, Lionel Swanson and noneother than your smoking hot Captain, _Kye Tannehill_!"

"Next out of the gate are your triple threat of chasers, Violet Decker, Iris Beck, and the lovely Ryleigh Carver, who, if you haven't heard yet, is not only back together with my dopey cousin but evidently in love with the oaf, who, get this, _is also in love with her_. She might want to consider checking herself into a psych ward because something can't possibly be right in the head with her!"

I was doubled over in laughter as Fred shouted obscenities at the commentator's booth. Rose just grinned and blew him a kiss while Dash took over announcing the rest of the team.

"Fucking Rose," Fred muttered beside me. "Now my parents are going to be all over me with questions about Ryleigh and our relationship."

I found that highly amusing. "Oh, I forgot that your parents are here!" I said gleefully.

Fred glared at me. "You are taking far too much pleasure out of my pain, mate."

I just grinned. "If it helps, your girlfriend is looking incredibly hot out there."

This time, Fred wasn't the only one who glared at me. "Oy, your own girlfriend is sitting right here!" Alice huffed.

"You keep your randy eyes off my girlfriend, Potter!" Fred growled.

"It's not like I'm interested in her! She's dating my cousin for Merlin's sake!" I groaned, glancing over at Alice who was scowling at me. "Not to mention my girlfriend is way hotter than she is."

Alice considered this before grinning. Leaning over to press a kiss to my cheek, she said, "Nice save, boyfriend."

I laughed and turned back towards the pitch as the match commenced.

"Commmmme onnnnn, low scoring game," Jax muttered beside me when Ryleigh scored the first goal within two minutes. Fred had gone wild beside me but I merely made a face because I was with Jax on this.

"Oy, Fred, tell your sister telepathically to catch that snitch soon, won't you?" I suggested, nudging him with my elbow.

Fred glared down at me. "Why would I do a thing like that? I'm rooting for Bryce to catch it!"

"Yes, but y'see, Thompson isn't your sister so you can't telepathically tell _her_ to catch the snitch," I argued huffily.

Fred sat back down with the roll of his eyes. "I can't even tell my sister what to do when I try to do so directly to her face. What makes you think I can do it telepathically?"

"I don't know but if this match drags on for a while, both Hufflepuff and Ravenclaws will be contenders for the playoffs and I'll be putting full blame on you!"

"Unbelievable," he muttered. "Only one goal has been scored in the match and yet you're already blaming me for a hypothetical high-scoring outcome."

I laughed but it was drowned out by the sounds of cheers when Quinn Zander put the quaffle through the hoops and the game became tied at 10-10.

The score continued to increase and with every quaffle put through the hoop, Jax and I exchanged a worried look. I knew it was too early in the Quidditch season to really predict who would make the playoffs seeing as there were still two matches left, but Quidditch matches in which I wasn't playing always made me nervous for I had no control over the outcome. I'd like to believe we'd beat Slytherin and therefore, secure our spot in the playoff match, but in the world of Quidditch, anything could happen so if the other teams could screw up, that would certainly help Gryffindor out more.

"THE SNITCH HAS BEEN SPOTTED!"

I did a running calculation in my head as I watched Roxanne and Bryce race for the snitch. The score was currently 180-160 in favor of Ravenclaw so if Hufflepuff won, they'd have a whopping 690 points for the year compared to our current 480 points. We still had a match left, giving us some leeway, but if Ravenclaw won, they would only be at 420 points compared to our 480 which gives us the slight advantage and that would almost definitely push Hufflepuff out of playoff range as they would only be left with 540 points for the year.

I decided then to root for a Ravenclaw win.

So when Roxanne pumped her hand into the air with the snitch clutched tightly, I jumped up and cheered for her.

"Hufflepuff doesn't have a chance," Jax murmured behind me and I couldn't help but agree with him.

Fred shot him a dirty look. "Do me a favor and keep that thought to yourself when Ryles comes over here."

"Is it wise of her to come over here with your parents lurking about?" I pondered.

Fred grimaced. "On that note, I have to go find a certain bitchy cousin of ours and remind her that the commentary at a Quidditch pitch is _not_ the proper time to be airing her family's dirty laundry," he huffed, skipping across the bleachers towards the commentator's booth. "Oy, Rose, I NEED A WORD WITH YOU!"

Rose turned around and with a smirk, saluted our cousin.

"She's going to laugh in his face and tell him he had to have seen it coming," Jax commented with a shrug.

I glanced at him over my shoulder. "Oh, Merlin, you know her too well."

Jax grinned and the team all stood up off the bleachers and headed towards the stairwell.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

We all ended up back in the Gryffindor common room sharing a handful of firewhisky bottles. It wasn't our celebratory win party but being the rebellious Gryffindors we were, we thrived on any excuse to lounge around the room passing a liquor bottle around while ignoring the threat of essays and exams that lay abandoned on our respective desks.

"Aunt Angelina was giving him the third degree," Lily laughed as she entertained us all with the conversation she overheard between Fred and his parents. "Asking him why she had to find out her precious son had said those three precious words in the middle of a match instead of through this brand-new invention called the Owl Post."

Laughter spilled out of our lips and I grabbed the firewhisky bottle out of Jax's hands and took a swig. "You had balls making that announcement, Rosie."

Rose shrugged. "Hey, it's not like the whole school hasn't been speculating about the two of them nonstop for the past week. I just confirmed their speculation, that's all."

"And made yourself an enemy in one Fred Weasley," Alice smirked.

"Eh, I'm pretty sure I was already his enemy," she dismissed. Hesitating, she added, "Not that that's anything new. You name them, I'm probably their enemy."

She made an excellent point.

"Not mine," Jax said, leaning over to press a kiss to her cheek.

"Oy, keep the kissing to a minimum around me, won't you?" I groaned as I took another gulp of firewhisky and passed it over to Alice.

"So looks like Hufflepuff is out of the running," Jax contemplated.

"Not officially," I was quick to respond.

Jax rolled his eyes. "They have a total of 540 points for the year. When was the last time a team made it to the playoffs with less than 600 points?"

"I'm just saying, don't completely count them out yet," I huffed. "There are still two matches left. A lot can still happen."

"No, Jax is right," a new voice spoke and we all turned around as Fred joined the group. He grabbed the firewhisky out of Alice's hands and took a swig. "Hufflepuff is already admitting defeat."

I was about to argue once again but Fred's next words stopped me. "Which is why Ryleigh has decided to quit the team."

I was pleased to see that I wasn't the only one confused by that comment. "If they're already admitting defeat than it couldn't really be considered quitting, could it? It just means that they have no games left to play this year."

He climbed over Rose's outstretched legs and dropped on to the couch beside her. He met my gaze with hesitance in his eyes and said, "Yes, but if Ryles quits the team, that means we aren't breaking the Code anymore."

As the realization of what Fred was saying hit all of us, a palpable silence filled the air.

"But…" Alice trailed off, "What if they do make it to finals?"

"They won't. Slytherin and Ravenclaw are too good this year."

"But what if they do?" she sighed.

Fred frowned and then shrugged. "Then I'll quit."

"But what if we make it to the finals against them?" I asked curiously.

"That's a long shot and you know it."

* * *

" _But what if it happens_?"

He sighed. "Then you play Hugo."

I frowned. "So Carver gets to play in her finals, and you don't? Hardly seems fair."

"You are talking about a very rare hypothetical," he groaned, shaking his head at me and I couldn't help but grin in slight amusement. "Hufflepuff has about a three-percent chance of making it. Believe me, we all did the math already. Er…well, Ryleigh and Kye did. I just sat there."

Ignoring the sheepish joke, I glanced around at my other teammates who all looked just as intrigued as I felt. When I met Alice's gaze, I saw that she was frowning. Sighing, she said, "We already bent the rules once this year. I don't think we're going to get away with it a second time."

More silence followed until it was Jax who spoke – "Doesn't mean we can't try."

I glanced towards the blonde and smiled. "This isn't just bending the rules. This is stretching them as far as they can go and hoping for the best," I chuckled. "But when did I ever play by the rules anyway?"

"Brooks is going to want your head on a wooden stake," Rose pointed out with a smirk.

"And that's different from every other day how?" I snorted.

"Look," Fred spoke up, clearing his throat, "We don't have to follow through on this. I can stay on the bench and Hugo can play and we won't have to piss off any of the other teams. I just thought I'd throw the idea out there."

I could tell he was hoping we would go for the idea. As much as Fred loved Ryleigh, he also loved the game of Quidditch and I knew it had to be killing him to know that all he could do was watch his team play in front of his very eyes while he sat on the bench. He lived for the sky almost as much as I did. And this was his last shot to play.

"It's like Jax said," I said with a smile, "Can't hurt to try, right?"

I saw a flicker of relief in Fred's eyes as he grinned. "Can't hurt to try."

Something told me the other teams wouldn't agree with us.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"My father asked me the other day for a rough estimate on how much time per week you spend up here," Alice smirked as she unlocked her door and strolled into her bedroom.

I froze in the doorway. "So there's a good chance there are secret cameras all over your room now, isn't there."

With a laugh, she perched on the end of her bed. "He wouldn't abuse his position like that."

My eyebrow shot up. "You sure about that?"

She hesitated. "Well, that, and I don't think he'd actually want to see what we do up here."

I smirked coyly and made my way over to her. Reaching for a lock of hair, I twirled it around my finger and said, "Oh? And what is it that we do up here, Ace?"

She grabbed my wrists and pulled me down towards her, her lips inches from mine. "Well, mostly I do schoolwork and you just avoid yours."

I let out a barking laugh before attacking her with kisses, on her nose and her cheeks and her jaw and finally on her mouth, all while she laughed.

"Well, then," I chuckled, planting another kiss on her nose, "Let's avoid more schoolwork together now, shall we?"

Her hands snaked around my neck as she drew me towards her, her lips nipping playfully at my bottom lip before she pressed them hungrily against mine. As I was still standing over her, I subtly leaned into her until her back hit the bed and my body was nearly crushing hers. She bent her knee as I instinctively hovered between her legs, her own leg squeezing up against mine as her hands framed my face and she brought me down towards her lips once again.

Our shirts were discarded in unison moments later before our lips met in a frenzied manner. She scooted backward on the bed, pulling me with her, without our lips ever parting. I now lay nestled between her legs, my body on top of hers without any real barrier, unless you counted her very lacy black bra which I had every intention of discarding.

I nipped at her neck, relishing in the sounds of her moans, before trailing downward and planting a sea of kisses in the dip of her cleavage. She was panting lightly as her hands instinctively made their way into my hair, massaging my scalp in a calculated way. My own hand traveled up her bare abdomen before cupping her right breast. Her hips bucked just slightly, another moan escaping her beautiful lips, and I reached my other hand behind the square of her back and after a blind fumble, managed to unclip her bra. I took my time teasing her out of it, kissing her cleavage and her neck and her jaw and then her lips once more, slowly and tenderly, before I happily pulled the bra off of her and tossed it aside.

I had never known just how perfect Alice's breasts were, never really cared to know, but as I pressed a gentle kiss to her left breast, I became very aware just how proportionate they really were. I'd be lying if I didn't say I've been met with larger bosoms before but the way hers somehow fit perfectly in the palm of my hand seemed like a bit of destiny. Being with her at all seemed like destiny, a type of fate I had never known I wanted until I had nearly lost it.

I squeezed and I sucked and I nipped at those perfect breasts, ignoring the rather large bulge that her moans were creating in my pants, before returning my lips to hers, needing to taste her and feel her tongue pressed against mine. I had never spent so much time perfecting the art of snogging before, usually instead skipping rather hastily to the shagging part, but I loved every minute of it. I loved every minute with her. Kissing her was magical, more magical than anything I've ever witnessed and that was saying a lot for a guy who practiced real magic every day. Her lips were so soft and yet powerful, capturing my attention with everything that they do. She was positively intoxicating and the best part was, she didn't even know it. She could do things to me I never even thought imaginable, my heart beating at rapid rates around her and my stomach doing somersaults every time it was just the two of us in these intimate moments. She could turn me on with just one look and there were definitely times I fantasized about what it would be like to see her naked, what it would be like to finally shag her. I was strangely not in any hurry but I was your average eighteen-year-old male who had once craved sex more than oxygen. To say I wasn't curious would be a complete lie.

But I was looking to make her comfortable, wanted her to be the one to set the pace. She knew my reputation, knew my background, and had to have known that if she offered herself to me today, I'd take her up on it in a heartbeat. But I also knew we viewed sex very differently. I assumed she was a novice to it, having never shagged anyone in the past, but the truth was, I was only about 95% sure of that. There was a possibility that she had experimented herself and I just wasn't' aware of it because let's face it, had she told me at the time, I most likely would have ripped the hypothetical guy's dick off. But seeing as she really hasn't ever been with anyone serious, the chances that sex had been had by her was unlikely.

Unlikely but not impossible.

So I was leaving our pace up to her. But that didn't mean I didn't desperately want every piece of her.

And I had the very hard dick to prove it.

Not wanting to do something that I, or she, would regret, I found myself pulling away from her as I finally gave myself the chance to breathe.

"So what did you tell your father anyway?" I murmured.

Alice sat up and offered me a curious look. "You're thinking about my father right now?"

Yes, because thinking about her father was a surefire way to quiet my libido.

I chuckled and instinctively planted a kiss on her shoulder. "I'm thinking about what your father might say or do should he ever find out exactly what we do up here," I explained. Hesitating, I said, "Actually, I probably don't have to think about it. I'd be a dead man for sure."

"You'd be a severely injured man," she corrected. "He wouldn't be willing to spend the rest of his life in Azkaban for you."

"Oh, gee, that makes me feel ten times better," I deadpanned and she just giggled and nestled her head against my bare shoulder.

"So?" I urged. "What did you tell him?"

"About what?"

"When he asked how much time you spent up here with me."

She chuckled, though there was a hint of nervousness to it. "I told him the truth."

I turned towards her skeptically.

"Well, I told him part of the truth," she said with a sheepish chuckle. "I said that you spent most nights up here but that you're usually just watching me do homework."

My eyebrow perked up. "Oh, is that what we're calling it now? Watching you do homework?"

She laughed and nudged me with her elbow in jest. "That's what we're calling it when my father is around."

"Duly noted."

"Now," she said, turning towards me with a randy look in her eye. I became very aware then that she was still topless, "Do you want to actually watch me do homework or should we go back to doing what we were doing?"

I wanted to do the latter. I wanted so much of the latter. But I was still a bit hard from our previous encounter and was not looking to get any harder.

"I have to unfortunately take a rain check for both," I said with a hesitant smile. "I told Fred we'd work out a game plan to get him back up in the sky."

Alice looked somewhat surprised that I was turning down physical intimacy with her but she seemed reluctant to question it. "Oh," she said with a small shrug. "Okay."

I offered her a chaste kiss with a smile before climbing off the bed. Searching for my shirt, I said, "You always say I'm a distraction. So here I am handing you the time to slave over your schoolwork. And hey, feel free to toss me your essays when I'm through with them."

She chucked a pillow at my head. It hit me square in the face.

"I believe I said toss the _essays_ , not your pillow," I laughed before tossing my shirt over my head. With a smile and a wink, I reluctantly headed out.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"Congratulations, Potter."

Abandoning my conversation with Alice, I glanced over my shoulder as fifth-year Ravenclaw Penny Briggs came up behind us with a coy smile. "Thanks," I greeted with a grin. Hesitating, I said, "Wait, for what?"

"You have a real good chance of making the playoffs now that Hufflepuff are out of it," she said, flipping her hair over her shoulder.

"Hufflepuff isn't completely out of it yet," I reminded her.

"Oh, then why is there a rumor going around that Ryleigh Carver 'quit' the team?" she smirked.

I snuck a peek at Alice who for some reason, looked annoyed. "I was wondering when that rumor might begin to spread," I murmured. "Thanks for the heads-up, Briggs. I appreciate it."

She took a step closer to me. "Hm, and just how thankful are you for the heads-up?"

I blinked. "Er…"

She smirked and winked at me. "See you around, Potter."

She turned around and wandered off, leaving me standing there rather perplexed. "What the hell did she mean by that?"

Alice rolled her eyes. "You know perfectly well what she meant."

I felt like I was in hot water but I wasn't sure why. "I do?" I spoke rather cautiously.

She shot me a look. "She was flirting with you, you dim-witted prat."

I blinked once and then twice. "That couldn't have been flirting. I'm a pro at flirting. I think I know what flirting is. And that wasn't it."

Alice's eyes narrowed but she evidently decided not to comment on my flippancy. "Let's get to dinner, shall we?" she suggested before taking off down the hallway.

I jogged after her. "If she was flirting with me, I wasn't flirting back," I pointed out.

Alice rolled her eyes again. She was getting quite good at that. "I never said you were."

I sensed irritation in her every word yet I couldn't figure out why or how to get rid of it. I assumed it had to do with Penny's supposed flirting but I hadn't exactly realized she was doing it so it's not like I could be blamed for her behavior. Besides, everyone in the world knew I was spoken for by Alice so why would anyone even bother trying to flirt with me? There were a lot more guys out there that would be an easier target.

I decided to leave the subject alone and change it to a new one. "We're going to be annihilated by the other teams when they find out Fred is suiting up for practice tonight."

Alice glanced at me with a curious frown. "Yeah, I know," she murmured. "McGonagall already said we shouldn't try and change the rules again. Remember? When we met with her and the other Captains about abolishing the no-dating-a-team-member rule?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I remember," I sighed. "And believe me, the same thought crossed my mind. But we're not trying to change the rules. We're upholding them actually. Er…in our own way."

Alice snorted as the two of us ventured into the Great Hall. "I somehow doubt that McGonagall will see it that way."

I was about to respond but was cut off by another voice behind me. "Who says McGonagall has to be involved at all?"

The two of us glanced over our shoulders as Rose and Jax came up behind us. "And how do you plan to avoid that, Rose?" I sighed.

"Brooks pretty much made a fool of himself the last time he tried to bring a Quidditch matter up to McGonagall," she explained as the four of us trekked over to the Gryffindor table. "He won't do it again if there's a chance of him being made a fool of again."

I exchanged a look with Alice who appeared to be as confused as I was. "His everyday appearance always gives off a fool-like vibe but I don't think that's going to stop him from chasing McGonagall down," I drawled.

Rose rolled her eyes. "To put it simply, start it off with a Captains vote."

I shared another look with Alice but this time I saw a realization in her eyes, one that did not extend to me. "A Captains vote for what?" I asked as I slid into the end of the Gryffindor table.

"On whether Ryleigh 's premature quitting means the Code rules are void or not."

I considered this but only for a brief moment. "How would that help?" I sighed. "It would either be a tie vote or a 3-1 vote in favor of no."

"And how do you know that?" Rose sighed.

"Because Al would never go for it," I grumbled.

She shook her head. "Just because you've always been against your brother doesn't mean he's against you."

"We play Slytherin next," I pointed out as I piled kidney pie on to my dinner plate. "Why would Al even remotely agree to allow Fred to play when he knows full well that Fred is our best beater?"

"Uh, hi, other beater sitting right here," Jax huffed.

"Because maybe he doesn't care about the Code or the drama that goes along with it. Maybe he understands what it's like to play Quidditch with someone you love. And maybe, just maybe, he knows how important it is to you to finish the year with your best mate," Rose said.

I sighed. "I think you are giving Al way too much credit."

"And I don't think you give him enough."

I opted to stuff kidney pie into my mouth so I wouldn't have to answer.

"Who the hell is Penny Briggs and why is she asking me if you two have broken up yet?"

We all glanced over our shoulders as Dash squeezed into the table next to me and Alice, looking at both of us curiously.

"She's Roxy's roommate," Fred spoke.

"And because she's a huge flirt who apparently has eyes for Jay here," Alice added with a roll of the eyes.

"She wasn't flirting with me!" I groaned.

Alice dropped her fork and turned towards me. "Let me give you some much-needed advice: when a girl bats her eyelashes and giggles in a ridiculously high-pitched tone and flips her hair over her shoulder to expose her neck and smirks coyly at you, _she is flirting with you_."

I thought back to my exchange with Penny. She might have done some or all of those things but I couldn't exactly recall as I had been more focused on the fact that Ryleigh's decision to quit the team had been brought up. "Did she do those things?" I contemplated out loud.

"Oh for the love of Godric," Alice groaned, picking her fork back up again and shoveling potatoes into her mouth.

I glanced at her sideways, wondering exactly what I was supposed to say to ease the tension that had unexpectedly cropped up between us, but I was all out of ideas.

"If it makes you feel any better, AliCat," Fred spoke up with a shrug of his shoulder, "Briggs flirts with anyone in a relationship. She's a known boyfriend-stealer."

Alice glared at him. "How in the world is that supposed to make me feel better?"

Fred considered the question before shrugging. "Yeah, I don't know. It sounded better in my head."

"Briggs isn't stealing this boyfriend," I spoke up, rolling my eyes. "She can flirt all she wants—though apparently I took no notice of it and holy kneazles please tell me that doesn't mean I'm growing up—but there's no way I'd ever let some random fifth year come between me and Ace."

Alice glanced at me out of the corner of her eyes and I was relieved to see a smile on her face. "Good answer," she chuckled.

I grinned triumphantly.

Winning always felt good.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

We were halfway through practice that evening when a shouting voice broke our concentration.

"So the bleeding rumors are true, are they?"

All of us turned towards the source of the voice, noneother than Brooks Pruitt and his henchman, Callum.

I flew towards the ground and dismounted. "This is a closed practice, Pruitt."

"Bending the rules once again, are you?" Brooks sneered, nodding up to where Fred was flying in formation.

"The rule states that two members of any opposing Quidditch team cannot date each other. As it so happens, Ryleigh Carver is no longer a member of the Hufflepuff team," I spoke coolly. "So no, Pruitt, I'm not bending the rules because the rules don't apply here."

He looked like he wanted to throw a bludger at my head. "The rules never apply to you, do they, Potter?" he hissed.

I'd like to say he didn't have a point, but he did.

"What, you think that just because you're the son of some war hero that you can do and say whatever the hell you want because in your mind, the world should just bow down to the Potter you are?" Brooks sneered.

That time, he had no point.

"Being a Potter has nothing to do with this," I snapped at him. "This is not a case of Carver trying to appease me in any way just because of my last name."

"Wouldn't put it past her to be sleeping with Weasley in an attempt to get close to you," Brooks snorted. "All girls are gold-digging whores and yes, I'm even talking about that fake girlfriend of yours."

Okay, now he just sounded ridiculous.

And what was worse was that he was actually getting under my skin.

"'Fake girlfriend?'" I laughed. "Just because you can't keep a girl around doesn't mean the rest of us can't."

"Your reputation means just that, Potter."

I rolled my eyes. "I'm so glad that we have gone from talking about Quidditch to talking about my reputation," I drawled. "Now how about you get off this pitch before I decide to throw you off it?"

Brooks took a threatening step forward. "We aren't done with this conversation, Potter."

"I think when you insult my girlfriend, we are," I sneered at him, pointing towards the exit. " _Go_."

I didn't let him get in another word edgewise as I took to the sky once again. Based on the wary looks I was receiving from my teammates, I had a feeling they had heard every word. Alice, in particular, looked none too pleased, but then again she was the one Brooks had chosen to insult.

"Figure eight laps now," I barked.

None of the moved.

" _I said now_!"

They still looked reluctant but they listened so that had to count for something.

Glancing down towards the ground, I was relieved to see Brooks and Callum retreating.

But I was not stupid enough to think that that was the end of the conversation.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Alice was quiet that night. Too quiet. She barely said a word as we ventured back to her room and when I tried pulling her in for a kiss, she pulled away and told me she had too much work to do to get distracted by snogging.

I dropped on to her bed with a frown as I watched her busy herself at her desk. "Is everything okay?"

"Of course."

She said that far too quickly and with way too much dismissiveness for me to believe her.

"No, you're not," I murmured. "What's going on?"

She stopped shuffling the papers around on her desk but didn't turn around. "Can I ask you something?"

"Always."

A long pause followed before she finally turned around to face me, a guilty frown etched into her expression. "How many girls have you slept with?"

To say I was taken aback by that question would have been the understatement of the century.

My mouth dropped open, the question dangling tauntingly in the air as I stared at my girlfriend with emotions that ranged from surprised to incredulous. "Are…" I trailed off, clearing my throat, "Are you really asking me that question?"

"I think I have a right to know," she said, folding her arms over her body.

The question shouldn't have annoyed me as much as it did but I had hoped that the one person who didn't feel the need to judge me for my flawed past would have been Alice. "Ace," I murmured warily, not even sure how to navigate this conversation, "No good can come of me answering that question."

Apparently that wasn't the right thing to say because her eyes grew dark and angry. "Except that I'm asking you to answer it."

"Why?"

"No, the question should be, why won't you just answer it?"

I frowned at her. "Ace, you have been privy to all of the details of my past relationships," I muttered. "You could probably guess a number and be close to the actual one so no, the question isn't why won't I answer it. The question is, why are you asking at all?"

"I would hardly label whatever the hell you did in the past as 'relationships,'" she drawled.

I slowly sat up, trying to hold back my frustrations from that comment. "Wow," I muttered, mostly to myself. Shaking my head, I gathered my thoughts before saying, "You're right, they weren't relationships. Because none of those girls meant anything to me. Not like you."

"Hattie meant something."

I couldn't bite back the groan that time. "Are we seriously going to get into _another_ argument about Hattie?"

"We wouldn't have to if you would just answer the question," she said irritably.

" _Why do you want to know_?"

"Because I think I deserve to know what I'm getting myself into," she blurted out.

A cold chill ran down my spine as I stared at a girl I suddenly felt as if I barely knew. "Wow," I said again, this time a little louder. "My rather unsavory past with women is nothing that you didn't already know about me when you agreed to go out with me. You knew my reputation. You knew about all the other girls. I have never tried to hide anything about who I was-"

"Except apparently the number of girls you've actually slept with."

I pulled myself off the bed with an irritable shake of the head. "I am not trying to hide that," I argued, "I just don't think it's relevant."

"Why won't you just answer the quest-"

"Because God forbid I don't want my girlfriend thinking any less of me!"

Silence followed as she stared up at me with surprised eyes. "What?"

I hadn't meant to blurt that out but I knew it was the truth the moment I said it. "I am not proud of who I was," I muttered through gritted teeth. "I am not proud of the guy I used to be. I am not proud of how I treated girls in the past. I am not proud of how arrogant and selfish I was. I'm not proud of the way I acted. And maybe I just want to be a version of myself that you can be proud of, Ace."

She looked up at me with so much hesitation in her eyes but she said nothing. And it was that nothing that really hurt the most.

"Wow," I muttered again, an ache settling into my heart. "So I suppose that's just asking too much of you then?"

She winced and quickly looked away. "I just want to know," she spoke softly.

Not the answer I was looking for. "Does that mean I get to ask you the same question then?"

She stared at me, confused. "What question?"

I folded my arms across my body and stared down at her. "How many guys have you slept with, Alice?"

The shock in her eyes was overwhelming. "You know the answer to that already, James."

My eyebrow quirked. "Do I? It's not exactly something we've ever discussed before."

The shock on her face slowly morphed into indignance. "Just because you sleep with anyone that so much as smiles at you doesn't mean the rest of us don't know how to have some actual self-control," she hissed.

Wow.

Just wow.

Without saying another word, I strode towards the door and stormed out, slamming the door behind me.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

 **A/N:** Well, this chapter was certainly filled with all sorts of information.

Up next: What happens with Alice and James? And what happens with Fred and the team?


	31. Simple

**A/N:** I love how none of you were all that surprised that Alice finally questioned James on his sexual past. Just goes to show that you know these characters just as well as I do.

* * *

 **A WAY WITH WORDS**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 31: Simple

 _"The way your fingers fit in mine_  
 _It's five plus five, not rocket science_  
 _This day in time, that's hard to find_  
 _It's true_  
 _The road we're on ain't a traffic jam_  
 _It's a Sunday drive on a piece of land_  
 _It's paradise as long as I'm with you  
It's like one, two, three_  
 _Just as easy as can be_  
 _Just the way you look at me_  
 _You make me smile_  
 _Ain't no need to complicate it, we both know that's overrated_  
 _We've been there, it's safe to say it ain't our style_  
 _It's just that simple"  
_ -Florida Georgia Line

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Asking Alice about her magic number was, in hindsight, not my best idea. She had been right, I probably did know the answer to that question (zero, if I were to venture a guess), but it wasn't as if it wasn't completely out of the realm of possibility that she may have slept with someone over the years. And instead of answer my rather awkward and blunt question, she threw my reputation back in my face.

I fucking hated that reputation.

I knew that I'd always be associated with the womanizing guy I used to be. I couldn't hide from it. It was there. I had never cared before, not thinking any of it mattered, but now I was in an actual relationship and my past was hardly anything worth commending. It was anything short of appalling. The idea of commitment had always been laughable to me. I had never wanted to be tied down. I never wanted to be in a relationship. I never wanted to be anything but a bachelor.

But like always, the world had had a different plan for me. And I was okay with the new plan. I loved the new plan because it included Alice. But the fact of the matter was, no matter what the new plan was, my old life was still there. And I hadn't been the only one to live it. Alice had been my side the entire time so she knew about all of my less-than-ideal escapades. She knew the person I used to be. She knew I had been someone that at the time I had been okay with. Looking back, I certainly wasn't proud of it. But at the time, I hadn't known any better.

And Alice wasn't supposed to judge me for it. She was supposed to accept me despite my flaws.

Was that asking too much?

I rounded the corner and rammed into a solid body, stumbling backwards with a groan. "Bloody hell, you walk quietly!"

Rubbing my temple, I glanced up and let out another groan. "Oh for fuck's sake, it just had to be you I ran into, didn't it," I sneered at Brooks.

"We need to talk, Potter," he spoke sternly.

"No," I muttered, shaking my head, "We don't."

I tried side-stepping past him, but he reached out and gripped my arm. "I am getting very tired of you Gryffindors trying to mold the rules to fit into your team conventions."

I ripped my arm out of his hands and glared at him. "As I told you earlier, we're not doing anything to the rules. The rules just don't apply in this situat-"

"That's a load of bullshit and you know it."

"And what the hell are you going to do about?" I barked at him. "You're not going to go to McGonagall again. You were discredited the last time you tried to bring our Quidditch problems to her."

"This time I have an actual case," he snarled.

"And yet here you are chatting with me instead of her," I shot back.

His face turned red. "I'm giving you one last chance to see the error of your ways before I talk to the Headmistress."

"No errors here."

He glared at me. "Guess McGonagall is going to get a visit from me after all," he sneered before disappearing down the hallway.

The last thing I wanted to do was involve McGonagall because while I truly did believe that we had the rules on our side, there was a good chance that McGonagall would remind Alice and myself how she had warned us to not try and change the rules again for the year and vote in favor of Brooks.

"Why don't we take a vote?" I blurted out before he could round the corner.

Brooks stopped and turned around. "What?"

I thought back to Rose's words that morning. "A vote," I said, closing the gap between us. "Amongst the Captains as to whether Ryleigh quitting means the Code rules no longer apply or not."

Brooks looked at me, his eyes narrowing. "What's the catch?"

"No catch," I said, shaking my head.

He still looked skeptical, which was expected since I felt just as skeptical as he did. "I cannot picture you're brother voting with you, Potter."

That was the one and only thing Brooks Pruitt and I could agree on. And Kye was a loose cannon. She could easily vote with me as she was Ryleigh's friend and would go along with whatever Ryleigh wanted. But she could also quite easily vote against me as she was more of a stickler of the rules than I was.

Shit, maybe this wasn't a good idea at all.

"Tannehill might," I murmured.

"Then we're stuck with a tie and that vote will get us nowhere," he snapped at me.

"Oh, so you've learned basic math skills, have you? Took you some time but I'm glad you finally got there," I smirked.

He glared at me. "I know that my one fist plus your one face equals a trip to the hospital wing for you."

"You've rarely beat me in a fight, Pruitt, so I think I'll take my chances."

"This is literally getting us nowhere," he snapped, throwing his hands into the air before he attempted to storm off.

"If the Captain's vote ends in a tie, we'll extend it to all of the team members," I called out. "But we've got to start somewhere."

He froze at the end of the hallway and slowly turned around. If I was to venture a guess, he was going through the rosters and trying to determine if the odds were on his side. Before I could do the same, he looked at me with a shrug and said, "Alright, Potter. You've got yourself a deal."

Victory is mine.

Sort of.

"Great, let's go round up the Captains now," Brooks growled, turning on his heel and wandering off.

" _Now_?" I groaned. "It's almost ten o'clock at night!"

"Aw, afraid of the dark, are ya?" he teased over his shoulder.

I rolled my eyes as I rushed after him. "I think this can wait until morning, don't you?"

He whirled around to glare at me. "So that you can have time to campaign?" he sneered. "No bloody way, Potter. I know how you operate. You use your supposed charm to get people to agree to something they probably don't even know they're agreeing to. No. Not happening. We are doing this now."

After my argument with Alice, the only thing I wanted to do was drown my sorrows in a bottle of firewhisky back in my own room but it was clear Brooks wasn't going to give in so I had no choice but to follow him.

"And how do you propose we get into the Slytherin common room?" I sighed. "Neither one of us know the password."

He shot me a look. "So we stand outside the common room until a Slytherin strolls by and we ask them to grab your brother."

Well, that was one way of doing things.

"And why are you only asking about the Slytherin common room?" he snapped at me. "Do you know the password to Hufflepuff?"

"Hufflepuff doesn't have a password," I countered. "You just have to get past a bunch of barrels."

"Why am I not surprised that you know that?" he muttered to himself, rolling his eyes. "Have you defiled every inch of this castle, Potter, or is there still some sacredness somewhere?"

My conversation with Alice came back to me then and I glared at him. "Fuck off, Pruitt."

He smirked. "Struck a nerve, did I?"

I decided that saying nothing was the only way not to completely fly off the handle.

He chuckled but thankfully dropped the subject as we made our way towards the Hufflepuff common room. I pulled out my wand and tapped the barrels rhythmically. The barrels formed an entrance and I strode through it with Brooks right on my heels. In entering the common room, I noticed it was overcrowded with students and I scanned the room looking for Kye's usual plait.

"Potter? What are you doing here?"

Glancing to my right, I acknowledged Ryleigh with a nod. "Your roommate around here somewhere?"

Ryleigh's eyebrow popped up. "Care to elaborate? I have five roommates, y'know."

"Tannehill," Brooks barked.

I shot him a glare over my shoulder and when I turned back towards Ryleigh, I saw guilt in her eyes. "This is because of me, isn't it."

"Yes," Brooks snorted.

I glared at him again. "Do you ever just keep your bloody mouth shut, Pruitt?"

"Just find us your roommate, Carver," Brooks ordered.

She frowned and looked at me again. Smiling reassuringly, I said, "We just need to talk to her, that's all."

Ryleigh looked unconvinced but she disappeared into the crowd and came back with Kye a few minutes later looking strangely out of place in a Haileybury Hammers zip-up sweatshirt and a pair of plaid pajama shorts. I tried recalling the last time I had seen her without her school uniform or Quidditch gear on, or even the occasional jeans and T-shirt, but I came up blank. "You a Hammers fan?" I questioned, nodding at her sweatshirt.

She glanced down at her sweatshirt and back up at me. "I hardly think you came here to chat about my Quidditch fandom."

"No, though if you really are a Hammers fan, that sparks up a whole other question as to have you gone mentally insane recently."

She rolled her eyes. "My cousin's a beater on the reserve team. I support them but I'm not a fan."

"Ooh, which one?" I asked eagerly.

She looked at me suspiciously. "Kane Schroeder."

I slowly shook my head. "Sounds vaguely familiar. He new to the team?"

"Last year. And I doubt you're an expert on the reserve teams so I hardly think you'd know him."

She made a good point.

"Can we stop talking about professional Quidditch and go grab your brother now?" Brooks barked at me before turning on his heel and disappearing out the door.

Kye glanced at me. "This about Ryleigh and Fred?"

"Yep."

"Hasn't Pruitt learned his lesson that he can't control the rules?" she sighed.

That sounded promising. "So you're okay with Fred playing?"

She shrugged. "Honestly? I do think it's bending the rules a bit. I do think it's you Gryffindors once again trying to make things work for you no matter what it means to the rest of us."

Well, this wasn't going the way I had hoped.

"But," she said with a shrug, "It's Fred's last year. He should be able to finish it out playing with his team. It's his team as much as it is anyone else's. He deserves to play."

I knew I liked Tannehill.

Grinning, I told her as such.

She looked at me like I was crazy. "You don't like me. You respect me."

I shrugged. "Okay, so I respect you. Isn't that better anyway?"

Her head tilted to the side in grateful curiosity before she offered me a smile and then shrugged. "Should we go chase after Pruitt before he does something stupid?"

"He's always doing something stupid," I snorted but the two of us hastened out of the common room and headed towards the dungeons.

We caught up with Brooks halfway there, his fist grabbing hold of Logan Hutch's sweater. "I found myself a Slytherin."

"Let go of him," Kye groaned.

"We need him to get into the Slytherin common room and he refuses to tell me the password," Brooks argued.

"So just tell him to get Albus for us and we'll meet him outside his common room," Kye sighed.

Brooks hesitated. "Oh yeah," he said with a sheepish grin, letting Logan go. "Well, you heard her. Go get Albus for us!"

Logan looked like he'd much rather punch Brooks in the face but with an irritated grunt, he took off down the hallway.

Brooks paced back and forth in front of the Slytherin common room while Kye and I leaned up against the brick wall chatting about the latest playoff upset.

"Never in a million years would I have thought Harpies had a chance at the title," I commented.

"Why, because they're a bunch of girls?" Kye growled.

I shot her a look. "Did I say that?"

Let's pretend I wasn't thinking it either.

"They only won two games last year," I continued. "I assumed this would be their rebuilding year."

"Yeah. They did replace their keeper and two chasers. Replacing nearly half the team should have put them at a disadvantage. But it didn't."

"Well, they did nab number one rookie this year, drafting her in March before most offers went out," I said with a nod. "That really benefited them."

"And they were smart to trade for a seasoned keeper," Kye agreed. "Venetia has always been good enough to be a starter but the Bats were never going to bench seven-year veteran Carmine for her."

"Stupid move on the Bats' part seeing as they managed to scrape the last-place title this year," I chuckled.

"Harpies won't win the title," Brook finally chimed in, shooting us both a look. "There's not a chance in hell they beat the Macaws. They're still undefeated if you recall. And where the hell is that brother of yours?"

"How the hell should I know?" I grumbled.

"He better get out here soon or we'll all be breaking curfew," Kye pointed out.

"Oh, who cares? I'm pretty sure Potter can get that girlfriend of his to look the other way," Brooks grumbled.

"Doubtful," I muttered.

Kye looked at me curiously. "Trouble in paradise?"

I sent her a look that pretty much told her I hardly wanted to discuss it but before I could comment, the door opened and Albus wandered into the hallway. He was wearing jeans and a disheveled T-shirt and smelled as if he bathed in cologne.

Wait, no, that wasn't cologne…

And the perfume smelled vaguely familiar.

"This better be good," he griped. "I was rather busy when you three stooges decided to interrupt my evening."

I smirked. "Busy with what, dear brother? Or should I say who?"

His face turned pink. "What do you want?" he deflected.

"Who were you with?" I laughed.

" _What do you want_?"

"Ah, embarrassed by her? Ooh, was it Mousy Mariah? Or Five-Forehead Fiorella?"

Albus glared at me. "Yeah, on that note, _good night_."

"Hold up," Brooks boomed, standing in front of him to block the common room entrance. "We've got business to attend to."

"Yeah, like who you were just snogging," I grinned.

Albus glared at me. "It was Hattie and you know what? She said I was the best Potter she's ever had," he smirked.

Kye looked like she was trying hard not to laugh while Brooks didn't even try not to. Me, I just glared at my brother.

When the hell did he get so freaking snarky?

"Well played, Al. Well played," I mumbled. Hesitating, I added, "Wait, you weren't _really_ snogging her, were you?"

He rolled his eyes. "She's with Frankel now," he reminded me. "What the hell do you all want?"

"That didn't really answer my question," I growled.

"Nor did you answer mine," he snapped.

"It's a meeting of the Captain's minds, Potter. Since you happen to be Slytherin's Captain, I suppose that includes you," Brooks explained.

"Doesn't explain what _you're_ doing here, Pruitt, if you're gathering all of those with _minds_ ," he retorted.

If I wasn't so busy wondering who Albus was snogging, I might have laughed at that one.

(And seriously, when did my brother gain a backbone?)

Brooks glared at Albus. "You are sounding more like your brother each day," he sneered. "Only you actually know how to follow the Quidditch rules."

Albus glanced at me out of the corner of his eyes. "Ah," he said with a curt nod. "This has to do with Fred, doesn't it."

"This has to do with the fact that once again Gryffindor is bending the rules to make them work for their team," Brooks hissed.

"Technically, this was Hufflepuff bending the rules," I argued with a shrug.

"You seriously throwing me under the bus right now?" Kye drawled.

I grinned. "No," I said with a chuckle.

"We are going to leave McGonagall out of this one," Brooks said, ignoring my banter with the Hufflepuff.

"Oh? What are you proposing instead?" Albus sighed.

"A vote."

When he said nothing more, Albus rolled his eyes. "A vote on _what_?"

"A vote on whether or not Carver's supposed quitting of her team gets Weasley his beater position back," he growled.

Albus blinked. "This is what was so important at ten-thirty at night? _A vote_?"

" _Yes_ ," Brooks snapped. "Wouldn't want Weasley to go another day thinking he's back on that team of his when he isn't."

"I say the Code doesn't apply here anymore," Kye said with a shrug and a stifled yawn. "Ryleigh quit. Fred can play."

"Carver only quit because you fools don't have a shot at making the playoffs," Brooks snapped at her.

"You think by calling me a fool, I'll see it your way?" Kye snorted, rolling her eyes at the Ravenclaw. "And to be totally frank, I don't see you in the playoffs either, Pruitt. Slytherin is too good this year. They'll beat you."

"They won't," Brooks barked. Hesitating, he said, "And even if they do, who's to say that pushes us out of the playoffs altogether? Gryffindor isn't beating Slytherin."

"Who says?" I snapped.

"You have a novice seeker and your team has had an incredible flair for dramatics all year," he drawled. "You're so losing that match."

"Even if we lose _and_ you lose, we currently have more points than you so I'm somehow confident we'll be in the playoffs, Pruitt," I retorted.

"Yes, but we play last so we have that advantage on our side of knowing how many points we need to score in order to make it to that playoff game," he said with a smirk.

Fuck, he was right.

I hated it when he was right.

"Can we get back to this vote so I can get back to my studies?" Kye sighed. "You already know where I stand. I'm assuming we already know where you two bozos stand so that leaves Al."

We all turned towards Al who blinked and looked at us like a deer in headlight. "Er…"

Well, I was fucked.

My brother and I have never agreed on anything in all our lives. We opposed each other just for the sake of opposing. We thrived on competition (though I'm not sure if it could be considered a competition since he always managed to one-up me). If I went right, he went left. We butted heads because that's all we had ever been good at. And now when I could really use some moral support from him, he was going to once again have the upper-hand.

I hadn't really considered the implication of Fred playing over Hugo until the very idea was being voted on in front of my very eyes. Hugo was a good beater. Maybe even a great one. But Fred and I have been playing side-by-side for the past four Quidditch years and I realized then that I didn't want to play in another match that didn't include him. We had dreamed of winning that Quidditch Cup together in our final year and going out with a bang, and it wouldn't be the same without him in the air. Maybe it was the selfish side of me talking but I wanted to finish out my last year as a member of the Gryffindor Quidditch team alongside my best mate.

"You play Gryffindor next," Brooks said to Albus, interrupting my thoughts. "Wouldn't you rather play with their second string beater?"

"Hugo is hardly second string," Albus argued.

"He's worse than Fred," he snapped.

"They each have their strengths and weaknesses," he contemplated.

"Why are you stalling?" Brooks grumbled angrily. "Just vote no and we'll pass the vote along to all team members."

Albus looked hesitant.

"And you really think you're going to win that one, Pruitt?" Kye said, cutting off Albus. "Roxy isn't going to vote against her brother. And I can't imagine the Scamander twins doing that, either. They've grown up with the Weasleys. And Reese likes James far more than she likes you. Not to mention, I can't see Hattie voting against James."

"Er…I could see it," I murmured.

"Oh, I'll make anyone on my team vote against it," Brooks scoffed. "And if the Slytherins were smart, they'd vote against it, too."

I wasn't completely sure that Roxy wouldn't vote against her brother.

"I hardly think your empty threats are going to change anyone's mind," Kye snorted.

Roxy and Fred weren't known for getting along.

"Who said anything about them being empty?"

In fact, I wouldn't put it past Roxy to vote against him just to spite him.

"Oh, please. Your bark is way worse than your bite, Pruitt."

We may have grown up with the Scamanders but we didn't really have an allegiance to each other.

" _You want to see how bad my bite can get, Tannehill_?"

Actually, they were more friendly with Hugo than anyone else so they might root for Hugo to continue playing.

"I'd say you wouldn't hit a girl but you're not exactly against pushing them down the stairs, are you? You'll just do anything to win, won't you? Well, anything besides _actually winning_."

And both Reese and Hattie had literally no allegiance to me.

"Says the girl who's pretty much statistically out of the playoffs!"

They would have no problem rooting against me.

"At least I know how to admit defeat!"

It's not like I haven't given Hattie a reason to oppose me.

"Ah, well you must be a _pro_ at it by now."

Fuck, I was so screwed.

" _Why you little_ -"

"Stop," Albus spoke up and I was grateful for it because my head was spinning. "It doesn't matter which way Roxy or the Scamanders or Reese or Hattie would vote."

That got our attention.

"Er…why not?" Kye said curiously.

Albus frowned hesitantly, looking at her and then at Brooks and finally he turned towards me. "Because," he said softly, "I'm voting that by Carver quitting her team, the Code is no longer being violated. Fred can be reinstated as beater."

All I could do was stare at him, stunned.

That was not at all how I expected the vote to go.

Kye shrugged and said, "Well, I guess that's settled. I'm going to bed now."

She disappeared but not before Brooks went on his usual rant. "This is a bloody outrage! Why is everyone so fucking willing to give Potter everything he doesn't bloody deserve! The rules should bloody apply to him as much as they apply to the rest of us!"

"They do apply," Albus drawled. "Seeing as Carver quit."

Brooks' face was a bright shade of angry red. " _You are so going down in our next match, Potter_ ," he hissed at my brother before he turned around and stormed off, leaving me and Albus alone in the hallway.

When I finally found my voice, all I could ask was, "Why?"

He turned to me with a frown. "I never wanted to be your enemy, James."

I had no idea what to make of that comment. "You're not my enemy," I argued.

I was dismayed when Albus laughed at me. "You're so full of it. You turned me into your enemy the moment I stepped foot at Hogwarts."

He wasn't completely wrong. I had somehow turned him into an adversary but I couldn't pinpoint an exact date or time. It happened gradually when he decided to forgive our father for his lying actions. When he decided to be the perfect studious son who never got into trouble. When he decided to do and be all the things that I never was.

But this was not the conversation I had been expecting, or even wanted, to have so I just rolled my eyes and said, "So we don't always get along. Big deal."

He said nothing at first, just looking at me as if he didn't know what he was supposed to say. I should have walked away then but I didn't, waiting for him to respond. When he did, I was surprised by his request. "Tell me what I did," he pleaded. "Tell me what I did that had you hating me so easily. Because I gotta say, five and a half years later, I still don't know."

He sounded so sincere and desperate but as I was very much a stubborn arsehole, on top of _not wanting to talk about this_ , I deflected by saying instead, "Well, y'see, it's not so much what you did, it's more the sole fact that you exist."

His eyes darkened. "Do you get some sort of sick pleasure out of making things difficult for all of us in every way you possibly can?"

This was not the first time someone had accused me of not making things easy on them. And I had to say, it was incredibly frustrating. "So that's it then? Everything that's gone wrong in our lives is just supposed to be my fault? Because I'm not the perfect, meek, rule-abiding Potter everyone expects me to be—the perfect, meek, rule-abiding Potter that you decided to turn yourself into—that clearly means that all the conflict and tension around me and you and Dad and Mum _is somehow my fault_?"

Anger flickered in my brother's eyes. "Are you really that daft or do you just refuse to accept responsibility for your own bloody actions?"

I glared at him. "And what the hell is that supposed to-"

" _You're the common link, James_ ," he cut me off explosively. "Don't you get that? You're the one who has tension with Dad, you're the one who treats me like shit, you're the one who shuts Mum out every time you're convinced she's going to stick up for Dad before even allowing her to say a single word, you're the one who pushes every single person away. But you're also the one in control of your own life so maybe you should stop blaming everyone else and _-"_

"You think I have control over any of this?" I barked at him. "Over my life? Over who we get to be? Over who we already are? I don't hate you or Dad or Mum but do you blame me for hating the world? You and I both know full well that the papers and the press and the gossipers are the ones who inevitably control everything we do, so-"

"They don't control it, they just write about it. You just happen to give them a lot to write about," he cut me off.

I narrowed my eyes, getting increasingly annoyed at his penchant for interrupting me. "I have lived my life in dear ol' Daddy's shadow," I hissed. "So it's never really been my life to live, Al. It's always been his. And sometimes I can't help but wonder what it would be like to be just some ordinary, normal kid who doesn't have every single person he knows, and hell even those he doesn't know, breathing down his neck."

Albus appeared to be considering my words carefully, the frustration in his expression giving way to reluctance. "I can't say I haven't wondered that myself," he muttered, surprising me. "But you can't blame Dad for being Harry Potter. It's just how the cards fell."

"Yeah, well, I want a new deck," I said bluntly.

Albus' eyes darkened. "Yeah, well maybe I want a new brother, one that doesn't always say one thing and mean another."

I quite literally had no idea what to make of that. "What the hell is _that_ supposed to mean?"

There was still anger in Albus' eyes but there was also something else that seemed to closely resemble desperation. "Your first instinct is to insult people, to say whatever you can to make them feel small. It's your own form of self-preservation. You figure if you can find a way to hurt them first, they won't be able to do the same to you. But it doesn't work that way, James. You're still upset and angry, only now so are the rest of us. And what does that ever solve?"

It was eerily scary just how accurate he was.

Not that I was about to tell him that.

"I don't have to find a way to insult you, Al," I drawled. "You just make it incredibly easy."

The anger flared up in his gaze again. "Sometimes I wonder why I even bother with you," he seethed before starting down the hallway.

"Sometimes I wonder the same thing!"

He hesitated and turned out, frustration resting in his eyes. "Nothing any of us will ever do or say will ever be good enough for you, will it?" he growled.

The only one who has never been good enough was me but I wasn't about to remind him of that.

"You enjoy hating everything and everyone too much to allow yourself to feel any sort of compassion or consideration for anyone else around you," my brother seethed. "But that hatred inside of you _is on you_. Just because you're convinced everyone is out to get you doesn't mean that we are. So don't you dare blame the rest of us for your own problems."

Some might call them my own screwup tendencies.

I could have responded to Albus but I was just so tired of arguing about blame and accountability. So this time, I didn't argue. "When the hell did you grow a backbone?" I snapped at him. "I liked you a lot better when you let Rose do all of your talking for you."

His eyes clouded over with shocked anger. "Good Godric, you really are one hell of a selfish, ungrateful brat, aren't you."

He tried walking away but I wouldn't let him. "You sound just like Dad," I cried after him. "And frankly, he reprimands me enough without you feeling the need to join in."

Albus stopped and slowly turned around to face me, a frown resting on his face. "From what I've been told, you won't be around much longer for any of us to reprimand you."

I blinked in surprise. "Dad tell you that?"

Albus slowly shook his head. "Mum did."

So even though Dad wasn't telling Mum everything about our fight, evidently he was telling her some things.

"Can't imagine you'll be too upset by that," I grunted.

Albus looked at me and shrugged again. "If you're expecting an argument from me, you might be waiting a while."

I shot him a look. "No, I'm definitely not expecting an argument from you."

Albus' head cocked to the side as he stared at me. He said nothing at first, just studying me with his beady analytical eyes before he said, "Answer me honestly, James. Do you really think your life will be that much easier if you just take off and leave us all behind in your rearview mirror?"

"Yes" I said almost immediately even though I wasn't entirely sure that was true.

He frowned and said nothing at first, his eyes capturing mine. "The thing is, James," he eventually spoke, so much detachment emanating from his words, "I'm pretty sure our lives, too, would be so much easier if you left. So not only are you getting no argument from me, you're not going to get an argument from anyone."

And with that, he turned around and walked off.

I was too busy feeling shocked to try to get in the last word so I was forced to watch him disappear around the corner.

To say that the evening had gone completely south would have been an understatement. First, I had Alice breathing down my neck about my rather dishonorable past, then I had to spend far too much time in Brooks Pruitt's presence, and then my brother told me that that everything that had ever gone wrong in my life had been my fault only and he and the rest of my family would be very happy to see me leave the country for good.

It's a good thing the vote went my way because if it hadn't, there might have been a chance of me just flinging myself off the Astronomy Tower.

I eventually found my way back in the Gryffindor Tower, well after curfew. I pretended not to notice Jax waving me over as I had little desire to interact with others and instead slunk off towards the boys' stairwell, taking the stairs by twos up to my room. The door was ajar so I pushed my way in and was slightly relieved to find that only Fred was in the room. There was a good chance that had Parker been around, I would have punched him in the face just for being there.

Fred glanced up from the last-minute essay he was scribbling and nodded at me. "Where have you been?" he questioned, his eyes glancing back down at the page in front of him.

I shrugged and dropped on to my bed with a grunt. "Well, first I was off fighting with Ace. Then I was off fighting with Pruitt. Last, I was off fighting with my brother. A splendid evening if you ask me."

Fred blinked, his mouth dropping open in slight surprise. "Er…what?"

I just shrugged in advance before reaching over into Franny's cage to pull her out. I could have sworn I saw her eyes light up. At least someone was excited to see me.

Fred dropped his quill on to the page, turning to look at me. Hesitance shone in his eyes and I had a feeling he was debating which comment to respond to first. "I'm assuming you were fighting with Pruitt about my place on our team?" he murmured.

I lay back against my bed and Franny crawled up my side. "Yeah, but I suppose that one worked out in my favor so I'm not terribly upset about it."

His eyebrows shot up. "What worked out in your favor?"

I turned towards Fred with a small smile. "You're in, Fred. You're back on the team."

There was a mixture of shock and relief resting in his expression as he stared at me in awe. "Are you serious?"

I nodded. "I took Rose's advice. We put it to a Captain vote. 3 to 1 in favor of you playing. Congrats. Welcome back."

He looked like he didn't know what to say or do, the grin on his face doing all of the talking for him. "I…I never actually thought this would work."

I just shrugged.

His grin slowly faded into a curious frown. "Wait…" he trailed off, "If the vote was 3 to 1 in favor of me playing then that means your brother voted in our favor."

I nodded hesitantly.

His eyes narrowed. "And yet you fought with him?"

I glanced down at Franny who was now sleeping peacefully on my chest. "Yeah, well, apparently ever since he broke up with Kat, he decided to grow some balls and actually speak up for himself," I muttered. Hesitating, I added, "Although, I don't know if it's considered speaking up for himself when he's just clearly doing Dad's bidding."

Fred stared at me, his eyes full of confusion and hesitance. "James-"

"It's nothing," I cut him off with a shrug. "Don't worry about it."

He frowned. "That doesn't sound like nothing."

"Well, it is," I shot back a tad too forcefully.

He still looked unconvinced but I was grateful he didn't push the subject. "And what's this about you fighting with AliCat?"

I was wondering when he would get to that.

I frowned, not even sure where to start. "She asked me how many girls I've slept with."

Fred's eyebrows shot way up into his forehead as he let out a low whistle. "Well, shit," he said with a shake of the head. "I remember having that conversation with Ryleigh. It did not start well."

I recalled a conversation I had with Ryleigh after the Roast when she informed me that Fred had spilled the details on all of the girls he had previously been with.

"Seems like it might have ended well, though," I commented in a leading tone.

He shrugged. "She wanted honesty and although I was very against it at the time, I told her."

"And?"

He sighed. "She told me to give her a day, to give her some time to think about all of it," he murmured. "But she came back and that's all that really matters."

I frowned. "But she could have easily not come back."

Fred met my gaze. "You just have to figure out exactly why AliCat wants to know," he said. "Does she want to know because she's afraid of living up to your former expectations, in which I'd advise saying nothing. Or does she want to know because she doesn't like the idea of having any part of your life kept secret from her. If that's the case, it's better that you just tell her."

I contemplated his rather thorough analysis, thinking back to the conversation I had had with Alice. It had been ambiguous and vague, the underlying reason as to why she wanted to know still a bit unknown to me. If I had to venture a guess, I was leaning towards the former. I knew what my reputation said about me, knew what type of girl I had sought in the past and Alice was by far the exact opposite, which happened to be one of the things I liked most about her. But I could see how it might cause some insecurities to flair up for my sexual prowess was by no means unknown.

"So what you're saying is I should figure out why she was asking and don't question her on her own sexual past?" I mused.

I could feel Fred's eyes narrowing at me. "Oh, no," he sighed. "What did you do?"

Wincing, I said, "I may have asked her how many guys she's slept with."

Silence. And then – "Have you gone completely mad?"

"Probably."

"You don't ask a girl that question!" he groaned. "You especially don't ask a girl who's probably never slept with anyone that question!"

"Well, I don't know if she has or not," I shot back irritably. "It's not like it's ever come up in discussion before."

Fred rolled his eyes. "You're a fucking idiot, James," he groaned. He pointed to the door and said, "Go. Talk to her."

"I can't. Franny is currently sleeping on my-"

" _Go talk to her_."

"It's after curf-"

"No excuses! _Go_."

I frowned, glancing over at my cousin who was currently glaring at me. "Do you know what her response was when I asked her that question?"

"Whatever it was, I'm going to assume you deserved it."

I glared at him. "I did not!" I huffed. "She said that just because _I_ apparently sleep with whoever the hell passed me by doesn't mean she doesn't know how to have some self-control."

Fred looked at me, hesitance in his gaze. "Okay, so that was clearly not the right thing for her to say," he sighed. "But she was probably a little hurt that you were throwing her nonexistent sexual past in her face."

"As opposed to the lack of hurt that I felt when she threw my very existent sexual past in _my_ face?" I growled.

He sighed. "I think you both had very justifiable responses to the situation. Hence why you should be discussing this with her and not me."

"I'm afraid to discuss it with her," I blurted out, only then realizing why I was holding off on immediately rushing to Alice to fix things. It had nothing to do with my sexual past or her lack of one. It had to do with so much more than that.

Fred looked at me, a newfound curiosity flickering in his gaze. "Why?"

I glanced up at the ceiling, finding a sudden interest in a small crack above my head as I voiced aloud the one fear I held in my heart, "I'm afraid to find out that she doesn't trust me."

That seemed to confuse Fred. "Are you completely daft?" he drawled. "The girl has blindly followed you her entire life and you've always been there for her in return. She trusts you, mate. She trusts you with her life. I know you know that. So why would you say otherwise?"

I stared down at Franny, finding an odd sort of comfort from the sleeping pygmy puff. "I know she'd trust me with her life. It's her heart I'm not so sure about."

Fred looked at me and said nothing because we both knew it was the one thing I had never given her before. And it just so happened to be the most fragile thing she had.

"And that's not something I can really blame her for," I muttered with a small shake of the head. "My reputation isn't exactly a moral one."

"Yeah, but she knows the real you, James," Fred argued. "The you underneath that reputation. She wouldn't be dating you if she didn't."

I wanted to believe him, wanted to believe that we were stronger than our insecurities. But what if we weren't?

What if I talked to her and she realized she hadn't thought this all through? What if she realized that it's one thing getting into a relationship with me but an entirely different thing staying in one? What if she realized that she can't get past my reputation or the person I used to be? What if she was finally questioning why she chose me in the first place? What if she was finally realizing just how much better she deserved? What if she decides that I'm not the guy for her?

Then again, what if she decides that I am?

Too many questions with too many possibilities for answers and that scared me.

Because what if the one thing I had wanted so badly to ignore in order to be the person that Alice deserved to be with was the one thing that had the ability to tear us apart?

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I tossed and turned the whole night, bits and pieces of my conversation with my brother and Alice and Fred rolling around in my head. The clock had just struck six when I finally admitted that sleep was a completely lost cause.

Quietly slipping out of my bed, I took a quick shower, threw on my school uniform, and left the Gryffindor Tower in pursuit of the Head Dorm. I didn't really know what I was going to say to Alice but I knew I couldn't just let the argument hang over our heads.

I muttered the password and slipped inside. Heading up the stairs, I stood outside her door and softly knocked. I hesitated and was about to knock again when I heard shuffling inside. Taking a step back, I waited until the door opened.

Alice stood there in a pair of plaid pajama shorts and an old Cannons shirt of mine. It almost made me smile until I remembered why I was there.

"Hi," I said.

"You're up early."

"Couldn't sleep."

She frowned. "Neither could I."

"I'm sorry, Ace," I blurted out.

She shook her head swiftly. "You have nothing to be sorry for," she argued firmly. "Last night was completely my fault. I never should have brought it up."

I couldn't help but agree with her, though I was smart enough not to say that. "Why did you?" I asked softly.

She shifted uncomfortably, folding her arms ruefully across her body. "I'd be a naïve idiot to think that you couldn't get any girl you wanted, Jay," she spoke, her voice trembling. "And sometimes I wonder why you chose me."

I gaped at her, my eyes blinking a few times at the realization that while she was wondering why I chose her, I had been wondering the same thing of her the night before.

"Ace, there is not a single other person in the world I'd choose over you," I spoke almost desperately.

That was supposed to make her smile or at least provide her with some sort of comfort and gratitude. And yet all I got in return was a frown. "Do you know why I always seem so stuck on Hattie?"

"No," I said softly. "Are you about to tell me why?"

There was a look of dread in her eyes as she spoke next. "I can't help but wonder if had there not have been a Code in place, if it would be her you'd be with right now and not me."

I was shocked and mystified by those words, rendered unexpectedly speechless that she could ever think, _for even one second_ , that I'd rather have Hattie a part of my life instead of her.

"I didn't want to change the Code when I thought it was getting in the way of me and her. But I did everything I could to change the Code when it came to you," I choked out. "Because you're the one that I want, Ace. You're the one that I've always wanted."

There was the gratification in her eyes I had been looking for before. But it was still accompanied by a slight amount of hesitance. "You couldn't change the Code as it pertained to Hattie. It's not that you didn't want to."

"Yeah, but I didn't even try," I was quick to argue. "It didn't even occur to me."

The wheels continued to turn in her head for I could see the uncertainty still staring back at me. "The Code aside, we both know she better fits into the type of girl you've been with in the past, Jay. You can't deny that."

I sensed both desperation and insecurity in her words and I had a strong feeling that she was just trying to find any excuse to pull away from me. I just wasn't completely sure why.

"You're right, I can't deny that," I spoke softly. "But I'm not looking for you to be the type of girl I've been with before. There's a reason I never dated any of them. Or even really wanted to. I only wanted one thing from them. But from you, I want it all."

The hesitance didn't completely disappear but there was also a bit of shy appreciation in her eyes. "Except for sex apparently."

I could only gape at her. " _What_?"

Her cheeks flushed and I saw a small amount of embarrassment staring back at me. "Please don't take this the wrong way, Jay, but you've been a revolving door of sexual activity for the past three years now."

"Gee, how am I supposed to take that the wrong way?" I spoke sarcastically, a hint of a smile on my face.

She didn't laugh. "And yet, you have not broached the subject with me at all," she murmured bashfully. "And I get it. I know I'm not exactly Miss Experience in that whole department but I can't help but think that you are going to get real bored with me real quickly."

Her words were life a knife to my heart because the very idea that I could ever get bored or tire of her was one of absurdity to the infinite power.

"Ace, listen to me," I practically pleaded, taking a step towards her, "I don't care what experience you may or may not have. I do not want you to think that I have any sort of standards or expectations here when it comes to that, nor do I want you to think that you have to live up to anything. You could be the worst kisser in the world, which by the way you aren't, and it wouldn't matter to me because you're you and that is all I could ever want or need."

She still didn't look convinced. "It's easy for you to say that but maybe not so easy to mean it."

I grew defensive quickly. "Except that I'm telling you I mean it," I urged. "Maybe I had put a little too much emphasis on sex in the past and maybe you didn't at all but our past experiences are irrelevant to me. And maybe maybe I haven't broached the subject at all with you, but that doesn't mean I'm bored with you or ever will get bored with you. Honestly, I would be completely lying if I said I don't have regular fantasies about doing very naughty things with you, but I am in no hurry to do any of them. We have our entire lives to be together so what's the rush?"

Shock and awe filled her gaze as she locked eyes with me. "You fantasize about us?"

I shrugged in a slightly awkward fashion. "Don't you?"

The sudden red hue in her cheeks told me that she did. "You've never said anything."

"Yes, well, I was trying to go with that whole respecting your boundaries thing everyone's always raving about," I teased and that time, she did laugh.

"So..." she said with a crooked smile, "How often would you say you fantasize about us?"

"Oh, not much," I said dismissively. "Just once or twice a minute."

She laughed again and it was like music to my ears.

I captured her waist with my hands and drew her towards me with a smile. "I've completely rushed through sex in the past, not caring what I was doing and where I was doing it and who I was doing it with, but I don't want to make those same mistakes with you. I love every first I get to share with you. Our first kiss, our first date, the first time my heart raced just looking at you, the first time I saw you without a shirt on. It's been overwhelming but in the best sense of the word. I am happy to take things one day at a time, to enjoy every moment we're given, at a pace that _you're_ comfortable with because yes, I may have once been a revolving door of meaningless sexual activity, but that door has closed. And I'm not looking to reopen it. Because with you, I want it to mean something. I want to look forward to sharing many more firsts with you, whatever they are and whenever they happen."

The look on her face was one of awe-filled appreciation and hope as she looked up at me, her mouth parted. A grateful smile tugged at the end of her lips. "Has anyone ever told you that you have a real way with words?"

"Only around you," I whispered, my lips towards her. "But that's because you bring out the best in me."

We stood in her doorway shamefully snogging each other in what seemed to be a rather perfect morning before she pulled back and said, "I'm sorry I freaked out."

"Hey, it was bound to be your turn. I've been freaking out at least twice a day since we got together," I teased, wrapping my arms tightly around her waist and planting a kiss on her nose.

She chuckled but it faded before it really started. "Everyone thought we were a little crazy for trying to make this work," she spoke softly, "And yet it seems to be working far better than even I ever dreamed of. And maybe that scares me a little. Because that just means it'll hurt so much more if ever this should end."

That was a sentiment I knew all too well. "Well then," I murmured, pressing my forehead to hers, "I guess we just can't ever let it end."

Her upper lip tugged upward in outward gratitude and I nipped at her with my own lips. We were both scared because the truth was, we both had so much to lose. But it was about time we let ourselves believe in our relationship instead of just be scared of it.

She took a step back and I pouted for I much preferred kissing her to not kissing her. "I can't go to breakfast wearing this."

I glanced down at her shorts and shirt and shrugged. "Well, alright, if you insist on me taking those clothes off of you, I will."

She threw her head back and laughed, grabbing my arm and dragging me into the room. She shut the door behind me and pressed her lips to mine. I kissed her back, my hands tangling into her hair while my lips explored hers. She tasted of toothpaste and smelled vaguely of fresh linens. Our tongues swirled together as we fell back against the bed clumsily, both of us laughing into the kiss.

She pulled back eventually, a sad smile on her face as she said, "I've got to take a shower before breakfast."

I made a face but nodded reluctantly as she pulled herself off of me. "Oh, good, that gives me a solid twenty minutes of extra sleep then," I teased, curling up at the end of her bed with a stifled yawn.

She chuckled and took off towards the bathroom but paused in the doorway, slowly turning around to face me. "Or," she said with a bit of a shy smile, "You could join me."

I'm pretty sure my heart stopped.

In our five-week relationship, we had done a lot of snogging, our shirts have come off numerous times, but it had always stopped there. And now she was standing in front of me, requesting that I join her very naked self in the shower.

At least, I was assuming she'd be naked. I had to believe she didn't like to shower in clothing.

Slowly, I sat up on the bed and stared at her, the only word coming to mind being, "Um…"

She burst out into laughter, which was rather unexpected. "Well, I never thought I'd see the day that James Potter is speechless when being propositioned by a girl."

I chuckled nervously, offering her a curt shrug. "Yeah, well, it's not every day Alice Longbottom is the girl propositioning me."

She smiled at me and pulled herself away from the bathroom doorframe, making her way towards me. "So?" she said, straddling me on the bed and running her fingers through my hair. "What do you say? You want to add another first to our resume?"

Fuck yes.

And yet I hesitated. I actually hesitated.

And then hastily said, "Ace, I don't want you to think that those girls who I've been with in the past is who I want you to be."

She slowly shook her head. "That's not what this is," she spoke softly, wrapping her arms around my neck as she leaned back slightly. "I think a part of me was afraid you didn't want me so it was easier holding back then putting myself out there."

Oh, how terribly wrong she was.

"Fucking hell, Ace, I want you. _Believe me, I do_ ," I said breathlessly. "But while I may have been that revolving door of sex for so long, I also knew you weren't so I wasn't looking to pressure you into anything."

"I know," she said with a smile. "And I also think there was another part of me, the scarier part of me, that was holding back because I was afraid of getting too close to you and it all somehow falling apart. But I don't want to feel that way anymore. You say you're all in, Jay, and I am, too."

I smiled and pressed my lips to hers, feeling that usual electric charge I got every time our lips touched. It never got old. Kissing her would never get old. Being with her would never get old.

I just felt there was one last thing she needed to know before we could move forward.

"Six."

Her eyebrow furrowed. "What?"

I pulled back and looked at her hesitantly. "That's how many girls I've slept with."

She blinked in surprise, her mouth parting as she stared at me. Hesitating, she said, "That's it?"

I stared back at her. "What?"

"I would have thought it was more."

I blinked. " _What_?"

A smile crept on to her lips. "You didn't have to tell me."

I shrugged. "I don't want any secrets between us, Ace," I said. "And can we go back to you being surprised by apparently how low my number is?"

She laughed. "You said I could probably guess your number and my guess was slightly higher than that."

I pouted. "I don't sleep with _all_ of them," I muttered.

She laughed again and pressed her forehead to mine. "Thank you for telling me," she whispered, her lips dancing lightly against mine. It was a short kiss, one filled with a quiet tenderness, before she pulled away and murmured, "Just for the record, my number is zero."

I glanced up at her and pulled her towards me, kissing her once again. "I know," I whispered. "And like I said before, there is no need for us to rush into anything. We have our whole lives to be together."

She lifted her head to look at me, a smile etched into her expression. "I know most people think you're a bit of an arrogant prat but I'd like the record to show that I think you're anything but."

I chuckled before shrugging. "Then it's a good thing that the only person whose opinion I care about is yours."

She smiled and kissed me again. "Now," she murmured, running her fingers through my hair, "Where did we land on that whole showering-together thing?"

I grinned and stood up off the bed, lifting her with me. She let out a surprised shriek before wrapping her legs around my waist as I rushed off towards the bathroom. Laughing, she said, "I'll take that as a yes."

I met her lips in haste as I entered the bathroom, instinctively slamming her against the glass shower door. Her hands tugged the back of my hair as we clumsily snogged. I couldn't be sure who broke apart first but her shirt was off and suddenly, so was mine. I lowered my lips to her neck, nipping playfully, before running my tongue down her chest and swirling her right breast. A moan fell from her lips as she arched her back, her legs still planted firmly around my waist. I hardened immediately, the intimate sound ringing so beautifully in my ear.

She pushed me away from her with her hand, a sly smile on her face as she slid off of me to place her feet on the ground. Her hands roamed across my chest and around my shoulders as she led her lips to mine once again, but I became quite aware that her hands did not stay there as they slowly wandered down the side of my abdomen sides and perched lightly against the waistband of my slacks.

Our lips parted and I leaned back to look her in the eye, running my fingers through her hair as I did so. I could very clearly see the nerves in her eyes but there was something else there that made my heart skip a beat – a kind of lust I had never been privy to. The kind that was full of appreciation and hope more than just a desire of pleasure. She looked comfortable and safe as if being a novice to any physical relationship no longer mattered to her and I knew in that moment that if she was the only girl I'd ever experience sexual encounters with ever again, I'd still be able to die a very happy man one day.

I took over then, wanting to put her at ease. Kissing her, I reached down and unbuttoned my pants, letting her be the one to lower them off of me. I kicked them to the side, our lips meeting roughly once again. I could hear her breathing turn to slight panting. I could feel her heartbeat speed up. I could feel the anxiety in her kiss. And all I wanted to do was reassure her that I was going to take care of her in every sense of the word.

My hands moved to her waist as I drew her closer to me, our lips entangling and our tongues swirling together with an overwhelming craving for one another. I wanted her. I wanted her more than I've ever wanted anyone and that very thought was making me harder than I could ever remember being. I knew she could feel it through my boxers. We were too close for her not to feel it, our pelvises rubbed up against one another's. I tried ignoring it, though it was nearly impossible with every moan that escaped her lips, and I hastily moved my hands down from her waist, hooking my fingers into the elastic waistband of her pajama shorts. In doing so, I could very clearly feel that she was not wearing underwear and I swear that very thought nearly made me explode right then and there. She pulled her lips apart from mine and opened her eyes, staring up at me with a coy smile, one that was giving me permission to pull her shorts off.

I didn't just pull them off, I tore them off of her. They were flung halfway across the room and I forced myself to kiss her, to let her know how much this moment meant to me. To us. I couldn't wait any longer and pulled off my own boxers until we were both now standing completely naked in front of each other.

She looked up at me, that same irresistibly coy smile on her face, before wrapping her arms around my shoulders and pulling me towards her so that there wasn't an inch of air between us. My cock pressed up against her very bare private area and a rather embarrassing moan spilled from my lips as she stood on her tiptoes to kiss me, a tender kiss that barely lasted a second, before she swiftly turned around and pulled open the shower door.

I leaned over to nip at the back of her shoulder and she giggled while turning on the water. I reached over her shoulder to steal a kiss from her and she twisted her head to the side, kissing me back as the water warmed up in front of us. She adjusted the temperature before grabbing my hand and pulling me into the shower behind her. The water cascaded down her back before covering me and I wasted no time in kissing her.

There was something so sensual about snogging her in the shower, the heat of the water mingling with the heat from our bodies. I wanted this moment to last forever. I wanted to hold on to her and never let her go. I wanted to be with her and no one else for as long as we lived. I knew as our lips touched and our hands traveled each curve of our bodies and the hot water scalded our skin and the steam coated the glass walls that I didn't just fancy Alice Longbottom. I didn't just have feelings for her. I was falling in love with her.

I wish I could say that that thought didn't scare me, but it did. But just like with everything else in my life, I ignored it. Because there was no way in hell I was going to let anything ruin this perfect moment.

Pressing my lips to hers once again, I slowly edged my right hand down the curve of her waist on to her hips and then without any warning, I gently circled my fingers around her clit. She let out a light gasp followed by a moan as she dipped her head back, pressing her pelvis into my hand. I smiled wickedly as I watched her eyes flutter shut, the look of pure elation on her face one that I would never forget, and flicked my fingers around her clit once more. I could already feel her pulsating beneath me and I journeyed my finger further down her private area before pausing right above her opening.

"Oh, yes," she whimpered pleadingly, bobbing her head with permission, and I pressed a kiss right above her breasts before plunging one finger inside of her.

She cried out again and I began to pump my finger in and out as I watched the blissful desperation shine across her beautiful face. I carefully inserted another finger and continued to slowly thrust them inside of her, letting her get accustomed to the pace right before taunting her faster.

Whimpers and moans continued to fall from her lips, the most beautiful sounds I think I've ever heard, and I could feel her legs begin to wobble helplessly. I pulled my left hand away from her and pushed her up against the shower tiles, holding her up with my own weight before bringing my left hand down to once again circle her clit.

She nearly screamed out and I knew she was close so all I did was continue both motions, over and over again, faster and faster. She began pleading with me in heavy pants and I felt my heart race in anticipation before her entire body shuddered and convulsed and she cried out in pure ecstasy, the orgasm washing over her with an unexpected wave of pleasure.

And I had to picture Grandmum Molly so as not to have my own orgasm.

"Holy mother of…" she panted, her chest rising and falling in slow breaths as her body trembled.

I grinned and leaned over to kiss her. She barely kissed me back but she was still coming down from her high so I didn't take it personally.

When she finally did catch her breath, she looked at me with a slight shake of the head and said, "Bloody hell, why did we wait over a month to do that?"

Laughing, I pressed my lips to hers again and this time, she returned the kiss eagerly. Our tongues danced together, the both of us fighting for some kind of dominance, and before I knew what was happening, she was swinging herself around so that I was the one pushed up against the wall with her practically on top of me.

She pinned my arms above my head, tracing my bottom lip with her tongue before kissing me with an unforeseen roughness. She removed her right hand from my arm and let her fingers linger slowly and tenderly against my wet skin on my arm and then my shoulder and my chest and my stomach until without warning, her hand was wrapped around my cock and she gave it a slight tug. I hissed at the unexpected gesture, my hips bucking forward in shock and I turned to look at her just as her hand began to stroke the entire shaft. It was the slowest of movements but holy fuck, I had never felt anything like it, my cock throbbing painfully in anticipation.

A whimper fell from my lips as I tilted my head backward. She continued to stroke the underside of my cock, pressing a kiss to the base of my neck with a light chuckle. The vibration tickled my neck but I barely took notice, an odd sort of trance coming over me as I let her fingers do the talking.

I only opened my eyes, for just a brief moment, when I felt her removing her hand from my shaft. I felt defeated for a second before her entire mouth was wrapped around my cock.

"Ohhh, fuck," I whimpered, bracing my back firmly against the cool tiles as she ran her tongue up and down my cock before burying it all the way into her mouth.

I suddenly felt weirdly embarrassed for I knew there wasn't a shot in hell I'd be lasting much longer as I watched her head bob up and down over my rock-hard cock, her wet hair matted so beautifully against her bare back. But I couldn't be sure why I felt embarrassed as I was well aware this was not leading to sex so it's not as if I'd need any further stamina. I suppose guys were just built to believe that lasting longer somehow meant we were more manly or had more sexual prowess.

And holy mother of fuck, _why am I thinking about this when this glorious woman's mouth is fucking my cock_?

As I was suddenly brought back to the very erotic moment presenting itself in front of my very face, I felt my body jerk as I grew closer to the edge. I whimpered and I moaned and I panted in a rather desperate way. I have been given plenty of blow jobs before but nothing that had felt like this. I suddenly wanted and needed her more than I've ever wanted or needed anything before. I felt myself come alive in front of my very eyes, feeling so incredibly close to a girl I had once known in so many different ways and now could feel even closer to.

Her hands stroked the bottom of my cock firmly as she pushed me deep into the opening of her throat over and over again until I could feel myself seconds away from an orgasm.

"Shit, you're going to have to move your mouth if you don't want me to cum inside of it," I hoarsely whispered, only realizing then that that subject had never been broached.

She looked up at me with an impish smile and winked, continuing to move her mouth over my cock.

I couldn't take it anymore. I let out an illicit cry, a mangled version of her name, and my hips spasmed as I unleashed into her mouth, my entire body trembling as I rode out every last second of pleasure.

My heart was beating wildly out of my chest as I desperately tried to catch my breath. She stood up and let a stream of hot water trickle into her mouth before she smiled shyly at me, running her fingers through her tangled wet hair.

I couldn't do anything or say anything, still too breathless to consider any big moves, so all I did was lean over and press my lips hastily to hers. She kissed me back, wrapping her arms tenderly around my waist as I draped my own arms around her shoulders and pulled her close to me, never wanting to let go.

We both just stood there in a tight embrace as the lukewarm water dribbled down our bare backs, finding such quiet perfection in that moment.

"That was…" I trailed off when I finally found my voice.

She stepped out of my embrace, looking up at me with a smirk. "I'll take that as a compliment," she whispered before pressing her lips to mine. My lips ferociously nipped at hers, my heart still racing uncontrollably.

Smiling up at me, she reached around my torso and grabbed the bottle of shampoo off the shelf.

"We're going to be so late for breakfast," I spoke with a laugh, stealing another kiss from her.

She squeezed a glob of shampoo on to her hand and nodded. "Yeah, I realized that about five minutes ago but decided 'oh fuck it,'" she smirked, shutting her eyes as she ran the shampoo through her hair.

I chuckled, taking the shampoo bottle out of her hands and tossing it on to its rightful ledge. "At this point, we should just skip breakfast and go for round 2," I teased, wiping stray shampoo off her forehead.

She let out another laugh, sputtering as a bit of shampoo made its way into her mouth before rinsing her hair and opening her eyes once again to face me. "What's the hurry? As you already pointed out, we have our whole lives for this," she said, wrapping her arms around my waist once again.

Something felt so natural about being in her arms as I pressed a tiny kiss to her nose. "We do," I urged, "But there is an extremely attractive naked girl standing in front of me at this precise moment and I wouldn't be me if I didn't try to take advantage of that."

She laughed and stood on her tiptoes to kiss me. "It's not taking advantage when that naked girl is giving you the advantage," she whispered in my ear.

I smirked. "That sounded an awful lot like a yes to round 2."

She kissed me, her tongue doing wondrous things inside my mouth, before pulling back abruptly and shutting off the water. "We're going to breakfast."

I pouted as she thrust open the shower door and stepped out. I pouted even more when she grabbed a towel and wrapped it around her body.

"But," she added, heading towards her bedroom, "It's a good thing we both have a free period after lunch today."

My eyes widened eagerly as she finally turned around to face me, a coy smile resting on her face.

Good thing indeed.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

The two of us rushed into the Great Hall with only a few minutes to spare for breakfast, hastily making our way over to Fred who was currently scribbling what appeared to be a last-minute homework assignment.

He nearly jumped when the two of us flanked him, the both of us grabbing whatever food item was in sight and tossing it on to our respective plates. I could feel Fred's curious eyes on me as I took a large bite out of a scone.

"I see you two crazy kids have made up," he said, tossing his quill down on to the page in front of him.

Alice turned to me with a raised eyebrow. "You told Fred that we were fighting?"

I hesitated, glancing at her with a coy shrug. "It's not like I told him what we fought about."

Her eyebrow slowly seeped into her forehead.

"Yeah, okay, I told him what we fought about," I grinned sheepishly.

Fred smirked. "Way to stay strong, man."

Alice glanced towards Fred with a coy look in her eye that I didn't like one bit. "Hey, Fred, how many girls do you think Jameso here has slept with?"

I'm sorry, what?

Fred's mouth dropped open awkwardly as his eyes darted back and forth between us. "Uh…"

"C'mon, I know you have a wild guess floating about there in that otherwise empty head of yours," Alice urged.

Fred scoffed. "My head is not empty, thank you very-"

"Answer the question."

"Or don't," I chimed in with a shrug.

"You, shush," Alice said, wagging her finger at me. "C'mon, Fred, answer the question."

Fred glanced at me hesitantly before shrugging. "My guess would be eight or nine."

Alice gazed at him then turned to me then turned back to him before letting out an unassuming chuckle. "We must think alike, Freddo, because my guess would have been at least eight."

"I do not sleep with every girl that I may or may not have found myself holed up with in a broom closet!" I groaned.

"You don't?" Fred contemplated. "That's news to me."

I threw my half-eaten scone at his head but as he probably saw that coming, he ducked in time.

"The real answer is six," Alice told him.

"Oy, can we not go spreading my magic number around the whole school?" I groaned.

"You're right, that would be wrong," Fred spoke, nodding contemplatively. "We should just go straight to the press with it."

" _Fred_!"

"Oh, c'mon, that headline just writes itself: James Potter's Dick Picks Six Chicks."

"Say that three times fast," Alice giggled while I set my glare on my cousin.

"Dude, you only just got reinstated to the team," I growled at Fred. "You really want to piss me off now?"

"Rhyming pisses you off?" he mused in jest. "I'll have to keep that in mind."

I opened my mouth to respond but was cut off by Alice. "Wait," she said, cocking her head to the side. "Fred got reinstated to the team? Since when?"

Fred met my gaze. "You didn't tell her?"

I thought of Alice's naked body in the shower that morning. "Must have slipped my mind," I said, trying desperately not to smirk.

Fred looked skeptical and if I hadn't suddenly found an interest in my eggs and if Alice hadn't blushed and averted her eyes towards her kippers, we may have gotten away with Fred not suspecting anything. Only he was apparently smarter than we thought.

"No fucking way," he said eagerly as he leaned in towards the both of us. "You two totally slept together this morning, didn't-"

"No!" we both urged as I groaned while Alice glared at him.

When we said nothing more, Fred sat back with a smirk on his face. "Something happened."

"Seriously, do you want off the team?" I scoffed.

He only laughed, shaking his head in clear amusement as he stuffed his essay into his bag and stood up. "C'mon, we're going to be late to class," he said, grabbing another scone and stuffing it into his mouth. He then reached into his bag and tossed me a folded piece of parchment. "By the way, you got a letter this morning, James."

One look at the handwriting told me it was from Mum. "Burn it," I said, grabbing a scone and picking myself off the bench.

Fred and Alice exchanged a look.

"Or I can," I grumbled, grabbing the letter and stuffing it into my pocket.

"Are you sure you don't want to read-"

"Yes," I said to Alice firmly. "Now, grab a scone and let's get to class."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Alice and I spent our free period in her room as she had suggested. We didn't even bother pretending we were going to do work as we eagerly discarded our bags and spent the next hour exploring every part of our naked bodies. Afterward, we both lay there peacefully, my arms cocooned around her as she nestled into the nook of my shoulder, the smiles on our faces saying it all.

"How did we get here?" I chuckled at one point.

"Well, we shoveled down lunch in about three seconds, left the Great Hall, wandered up the grand staircase to the second floor, took the second floor landing to the back stairwell, walked up another-"

"Not what I meant!" I groaned, tickling her sides playfully.

She let out a high-pitched giggle and squirmed underneath my touch, swatting me on the shoulder. "I don't really have an answer to your other question," she admitted.

I smiled at her, instinctively reaching over to press a kiss to her lips. "You know what kills me?" I murmured.

She twisted around in my arms to face me. "What?"

I brushed a stray hair from her face and said, "We could have been doing this for years."

She looked at me in slight surprise before slowly shaking her head. "I don't know if that's true," she mused. "I think we both needed the time to grow up a little before this ever could have worked."

I glanced at her curiously, a slow smile breaking out. "You mean _I_ needed the time to grow up," I teased.

She chuckled and shook her head again. "No, I think we both needed that time to figure out what was really important to us. I don't know if this would have worked if we hadn't gone through some of the things we've been through this year."

I considered her generalized statement carefully. I wouldn't go as far as to say I completely matured that year but there were definite signs pointing in that direction. I had let myself listen to my heart for once, not just with Alice but with Hattie. And maybe all of the back-and-forth I had gone through with Hattie is what helped to lead me into Alice's arms. Alice and I had spent a lot of time questioning our friendship, her more than me, because of Hattie and maybe it was that uncertainty and fear that had us both realizing just how much we meant to each other.

"Well, I've certainly figured out what was important to me," I murmured, reaching over to plant a kiss on her forehead.

She smiled up at me and then unfortunately said, "We have class in fifteen minutes."

I swore. "I was really hoping you'd forget about that."

She laughed and shook her head. "If we don't show up to Herbology, you know full well that my dad would come barreling through here looking for us."

I glanced down at our very naked bodies. "Yeah, we should really go to class."

She laughed again and leaned over to give me a quick kiss before sitting up and scooting off the bed. I watched her go, an odd sort of smile adorning my face as she searched for her clothes.

She seemed to notice a few seconds later that I wasn't moving and turned to give me what I assumed was her best attempt at a stern look as she planted her hands firmly on her bare hips. "I'm not going to be the only one going to class here."

I chuckled. "Sorry, you're just really distracting when you move around the room in all your gorgeous naked glory."

She was still trying to give me a stern look but I saw the edges of her mouth turn upwards and the faintest blush appear on her cheeks. "Paying me in compliments isn't going to change my mind."

"Five more minutes," I pleaded, a rather cheesy grin planted on my face.

"No."

"Three?"

" _No_ ," she laughed.

"One!?" I urged. "Surely you can spend one more minute snogging your handsome boyfriend."

"What handsome boyfriend? All I see is you right now."

I let out a gasp of feigned indignance as she laughed and I quickly scrambled off the bed, saying, "Oh, that's it. You are so dead."

She shrieked and tried to run off towards the bathroom but I caught her around the midsection before she could and tossed her on to the bed with my own laugh, coating her in kisses all over her face. Both of our laughter quickly died down and I brought my lips to hers, kissing her in a gentle manner. She gave in, wrapping her arms around my shoulders and drawing me into her, our mouths fitting together like the perfect jigsaw puzzle as we entwined our tongues and let the passion of the moment take over.

When we both pulled apart, desperate for air, I smiled down at her and said, "Now, was giving me an extra minute so bad?"

She smiled up at me, her arms still wrapped firmly around my shoulders, and said, "I'll give you all the time in the world if you'll have me."

Like that was even a question. "My time is all yours, Ace."

She smiled, kissed me again, and then pushed me away. "Okay, now we _really_ have to get to class."

The last thing I wanted to do was to leave this perfect moment behind, but alas, I suppose it had to come to an end at some point.

It's a good thing I expected a lot more perfect moments ahead of us.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"So," Fred smirked the next morning as the two of us ventured down to the Quidditch pitch for practice.

I glanced towards him curiously. "So?"

"You know what I want to know."

I sighed irritably. "It is far too early for you to be so cryptic, Freddo."

Flinging his arm around my shoulder with a chuckle, he said, "Tell your dear cousin what went down between you and that girlfriend of yours yesterday morning."

"I don't have any dear cousins. Just devilish ones."

He shoved me to the side with a laugh. "Oh, c'mon, stop stalling and give me the details."

I rolled my eyes, launching myself into a hesitant silence. Any sexual encounter in the past had the both of us spilling the details to each other in a matter of minutes after the encounter ended. And yet, I felt weirdly bashful about this one. I originally assumed it was because it was Alice, a friend to Fred and therefore a rather awkward antidote on her behalf, but as Fred and I wandered the hallways, I realized it was because there was something so categorically different about Alice than all the rest. This wasn't just a one-time thing. It wasn't just sex. It wasn't something to be bragging or boasting about. I was developing incredibly strong feelings for her and it felt wrong to throw around any sort of narrative about our sexual experience when the intimacy felt so overwhelmingly private.

"Dude, what's your deal?" Fred sighed eventually when I said nothing. "This is what we do. We chat about our incredibly hot hook-ups."

"Oh, really? Tell me, Fred, when was the last time you provided any details to me about your sex life with Ryleigh?" I pointed out.

He opened his mouth to argue but stopped halfway, the realization hitting him unexpectedly. "Well, what do you want to know?" he questioned curiously.

I shook my head. "That's not the point."

"Then what is the point?"

I shrugged. "Bragging about our one-night stands with girls we never gave a shit about was one thing. Bragging about our girlfriends whose feelings we genuinely care about is an entirely different Quidditch pitch."

Fred considered this before looking at me with raised eyebrow. "When the bloody hell did you become so logical?"

I shuddered. "Ace must be rubbing off on me."

He laughed and then quickly broke out into a smirk. "Speaking of rubbing…"

"I'm not telling you what we did yesterday morning."

"Oh, c'mon," he whined. "Just give me something! So you didn't catch the snitch but how many quaffles were scored? I have to assume you've already scored one quaffle, so two? Three? Four?"

I looked at him oddly. "Four? What the bloody hell is four?"

"Oral m'friend."

"I thought that was three."

"You are so behind the times," Fred said, shaking his head. "The Quidditch pitch metaphor has since evolved. One is your standard French kissing. Two is touching above the waist. Three is touching below the waist. Four is oral. And you know all about catching the snitch."

I stared at him. "All I know is that something is seriously wrong in the head with you."

"Because I know the current details of the Quidditch pitch metaphor? Something is wrong in the head with you that you _don't_ know. You're a bloody teenager for Merlin's sake."

"Yes but unlike you who is apparently keen on using metaphors, I have no problem saying aloud the actual words."

Fred rolled his eyes. "If this is some sort of stall tactic, it's not going to work."

I shot him a look and because I knew he would never shut up about it, I muttered, "Four quaffles."

Fred's eyebrows popped up, a smirk filling out his expression as he let a low whistle. "Way to go, AliCat."

"And if you so much as mention this conversation to her, I will bloody castrate you with the dullest knife I can find and good luck scoring the snitch with Ryleigh after that."

"Duly noted."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

We were the first two in the locker room so Fred took his rightful spot on one of the benches, laying back and shutting his eyes with a stifled yawn. I parked myself in front of the chalkboard, reviewing some new chaser plays I was hoping to try out now that I had Fred back to protect our offensive line. With Hugo, I had to be a bit more cautious as he was still learning the tricks of the trade but Fred knew exactly where he needed to be on the pitch at all times to maximize his protection detail.

Hearing voices in the hallway, I glanced over my shoulder as Lily and CJ wandered in hand-in-hand with Hugo behind them. I suddenly had the very horrifying question running through my mind as to how far on the Quidditch pitch Lily and CJ have gone before quickly shaking it away. Asking that question could only lead to hours of therapy.

I was about to tell Hugo that I had unfortunate news for him but Fred beat me to the punch. "Don't hate me, Hue."

Hugo blinked, glancing over at Fred. "Uh-oh, what did you do?"

"I'm officially reclaiming my spot as beater on the team."

The three fourth years stopped in the middle of the room, gaping at him before all lifting their eyes towards me in unison. "Is that true?" Lily asked me.

I nodded, tossing the chalk on to the tray provided and saying, "The Captains put it to a vote. 3-1 in favor of Fred being reinstated."

I was on the receiving end of three more blank stares.

"Wait, seriously?" Hugo finally croaked out.

"Like I said, mate," Fred spoke with an awkward shrug, slowly sitting up on the bench, "Sorry."

"Don't apologize," Hugo argued, shaking his head. "Even I know I'm far rustier than you are. That spot is yours. You earned it. I've got next year to play."

Fred grinned goofily and extended his fist, which Hugo pounded with a grin. "Cheers," Fred said gratefully.

Lily glanced up at me hesitantly. "So the Captains voted, hm?" she asked, a hint of a smirk on her face.

"Yeah."

"That sounds an awful lot like a suggestion Rose offered," she teased.

I hesitated. "Let's not tell Rose that, shall we?"

"Tell me what?"

I glanced over Lily's shoulder as Rose wandered in with Jax. "Nothing."

"Captains voted on Fred's position on the team. 3-1 in favor of it."

" _Lils_!" I groaned.

Rose smirked. "Told you, James."

I glared at Lily instead of bothering to glare at Rose. "See, this is why I said we shouldn't tell her because you know she plans to gloat for the rest of her life about the fact that for once, I just so happened to take her stupid advice."

"How was it stupid advice when it got you your star beater back?" Rose drawled.

"Why is it that everyone always labels _Fred_ as the star beater?" Jax groaned.

A new voice spoke out. "When you overtake Fred's 93% bludger aim rate, you can be the star beater," Alice said as she sauntered into the room.

Jax hesitated. "Well, that's not fair. 93% is nearly impossible."

"Which is why I get to be the star beater," Fred bragged. "But no worries, your 80% is higher than most so don't beat yourself up over it."

" _82%, thank you very much_."

We all laughed as Cass finally walked in. I filled her in that we got Fred back and her eyes lit up. "Damn, never thought a Captain vote would actually work. Nice suggestion, Rose."

"Let's stop giving Rose a bigger ego than she already has," I groaned.

She shot me a look. "Hey, remember when I told you that you didn't give your brother enough credit?"

The look on my face must have been one of unexpected guilt because I saw Alice raise her eyebrow in confusion. "He's still an arse," I muttered.

Rose rolled her eyes. "Is there anything he can do that won't have you hating him?"

I stared at her, wondering awkwardly if Albus had spoken to her about our rather explosive fight. "You know what? I'd rather not spend my entire Quidditch practice chatting about my idiot brother."

"Idiot brother, hm?" Rose muttered. "Pot, meet kettle."

"Redhead, meet my fist."

She shot me a look. "Yeah right, like you'd ever hit me."

She had a point. For one, she was a girl. Two, she was my cousin. And three, if I even attempted to strike her, I would find myself lying catatonic in the hospital wing for weeks due to all kinds of scary hexes she'd send my way.

"Oh, would you look at that?" I drawled. "It's time to start practice."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"A celebration is in order!" Dash greeted us that evening in the common room from where he sat propped up on a pillow on a decorative bureau in the front of the room. Glancing around the room, I noticed it was jam-packed, which probably accounted for Dash's current position on a tabletop.

"Er…for what?" Fred asked.

"You being reinstated to the team, duh."

Fred's eyes lit up. "Ooh, yeah, let's celebrate that!"

"On an entirely different note, what the hell are you doing lying on a table, Finnigan?" Alice sighed.

Dash gestured around the room. "Do you see anywhere else available?"

I rolled my eyes and said, "C'mon, there's an empty couch near the girls' stairwell."

"No, it's reserved," Dash said, shaking his head.

I glanced at him, a light laugh spilling from my lips. "Shit, that reserved sign actually worked?"

As I weaved my way through the crowd, Alice called out behind me, "What the hell is that supposed to mean? James? _James_?"

I ignored her as I nearly tripped over a trio of third years playing gobstones. I pulled the folded "reserved" sign off the empty couch and tossed it on to the coffee table before sinking into the rather plush couch with a triumphant smirk.

"Oh, you have got to be kidding me," Alice groaned, standing over me with her hands on her hips. " _You put a reserved sign on a bloody couch_?"

"Hey, it worked, didn't it?" I laughed, patting the spot on the couch beside me. "And can you really be all that mad when otherwise, we'd be sitting on a freaking table?"

She glared at me.

"I don't think all of us would have fit on that table, mate," Dash argued, jumping on to the couch beside me with a grin.

"Exactly why you should all be groveling at my feet right now."

Dash looked like he wanted to argue but Fred cut him off. "Yeah, yeah, James is a bloody idiot and genius all rolled into one. Now can we get back to this whole celebrating me thing?"

"Can it not be tonight?" Alice sighed. "I have a Potions essay, a Transfiguration essay, and a Defense essay that are due by Friday and I am so very far behind in writing them."

"How far behind?" I questioned.

"Well, I haven't started any of them so I'd say quite behind."

I laughed but Fred seemed to find her comment odd. "You had a free period yesterday and you had all evening free last night."

All of which may have been spent naked in her bed.

"So?" Alice drawled.

"So why didn't you start any of them then? Hell, even I'm done with the Transfiguration essay."

"I was doing other work," she said vaguely.

Hi, I'm "other work."

The smirk on Fred's face and the way his eyes shifted toward me for a brief moment told me he had caught on to what 'other work' she may have been otherwise occupied with. "Oh, you were, were you?" he spoke pointedly, his smirk somehow growing bigger by the second. "What kind of other work, AliCat?"

Alice glared at him, though the blush on her cheeks didn't seem to go unnoticed. "Head Girl stuff," she lied. "You wouldn't understand."

He laughed and if I was smart enough, I would have stopped him from responding but evidently I wasn't that smart. "Oh, I bet there was a lot of head involved."

" _Fred_!" I groaned, smacking him with a pillow while Dash let out a boisterous laugh and Alice's face turned the color of a ripe tomato.

"Can we get back to planning this so-called celebration?" Alice muttered with a whimper.

Shooting Fred a glare, I chimed in. "Let's throw a party on the pitch on Friday."

"To celebrate me?" Fred said, bouncing up and down with a goofy grin.

"To celebrate life," I shot back.

"I'd much prefer to celebrate me."

"And I'd much prefer to throw you off your broom during our next practice but alas, we can't always get what we want."

"Eh, you can make that happen. You do have an extra beater on hand," Alice said dismissively.

Fred glared at her. "You're not nice when you have schoolwork hanging over your head."

She chuckled and stood up. "On that note, I've got to get going on that schoolwork."

I stood up, too. "I'll walk with you back to your roo-"

"No," she said, giving me a look. "You are a distraction and I need no distractions tonight."

I gaped at her. "I can be good. I won't distract you from your schoolwork. I'll just sit there not doing or saying anything at all."

She snorted.

"Oh, who am I kidding, I can't be silent for longer than five seconds," I said with a shrug, reluctantly sitting back down on the couch.

She laughed and leaned over to kiss me quickly before disappearing towards the portrait hole.

"Sorry, mate," Fred said, clapping me on the back, "No four quaffles for you tonight."

I was about to tell him to shut up when Dash interrupted with a low whistle. "Damn, you and AliCat are getting busy in that private room of hers," he smirked. "And by busy, I of course mean down and dirty."

I turned to glare at Fred who was grinning sheepishly at me. "Hey, you may have warned me not to say anything to AliCat, but you never told me I couldn't tell other people."

"I'm giving you a five-second headstart, Fred, and then I'm ripping you from limb to limb. One. Two-"

"Bye!" Fred said, dashing off the couch and running towards the portrait hole.

" _Three, four, five_!" I called and then I ran after him.

I only got one punch in but that was enough to satisfy me for the time being.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Alice suggested a quiet, lowkey affair for Friday. Fred and I laughed in her face and then proceeded to invite half the school.

Okay, not really half. More like one-eighth. The school is quite big after all.

"We are prefects. We can't just go flitting about the Quidditch pitch after dark in a drunken state and expect to get away with it," Rose was currently scoffing at Jax.

"Sounds like a perfectly reasonable plan to me," I commented, stuffing three bottles of my alcohol stash into my bag.

"Yep, I'm with James," Jax grinned triumphantly.

Rose glared at me, her hands planted firmly on her hips. "You are already on my shit list, Potter. Don't make it any worse for yourself."

"Dare I ask what I did to get on your shit list?"

" _You orchestrated this stupid party_."

I zipped up my bag and stood up off the couch. "It's not a party, it's a celebration. And I really do not know what has gotten you in such a tiff. There have been plenty of nights you've gallivanted off to a party to drink responsibly. Oh, wait, did I say responsibly? I meant utterly irresponsibly."

"Yes, but that's when I could just blame the whole mess on Jax and be done with it. I'd hardly think he'd appreciate me doing that now."

"Aha! I knew it was your fault I got a detention after Annaliese's birthday," Jax scoffed.

"Anabel," Alice groaned.

"Sure, her, whatever. I still got a detention for it," he huffed.

"I feel like it has to be said," Alice said, shaking her head. "All men are prats."

"Good thing I don't see any _men_ around," Rose drawled. While Jax and I protested, Rose asked Alice, "How are you condoning this shindig? Aren't you supposed to be the responsible one with this group of troublemakers?"

"I find it's easier just to go along with their crazy shenanigans than fight it," Alice argued, shrugging. "Besides, Rudy will be back in the Head Dorm if some sort of emergency comes up."

"Er…I'd hold that thought," I muttered, glancing at my girlfriend sheepishly.

Alice looked at me with narrowed eyes. "What did you do?"

"Well, I ran into him in the Head Dorm the other night and told him he and Hattie were invited to this super-awesome exclusive party we were having."

As Jax burst into laughter, Alice's eyes only grew slimmer. "How in the bloody hell can this be considered an _exclusive_ party when you have gone and invited every single person you've come across over the past few days?"

"Not every single person," I argued, tossing my bag over my shoulder. "I didn't invite your father, did I?"

" _Every single student then._ "

"Still not true. I made sure to tell my brother the pitch was strictly off-limits for him tonight."

The two girls groaned at that one. Jax was smart enough to not react. "Not only are you apparently a prat, you're an ass, too," Rose drawled. "By the way, I invited your brother. He'll be there. Should we get going?"

She dashed off towards the exit, leaving me behind to scowl. "What happened to being against this party altogether?"

She responded to me by slamming the portrait door shut.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

The party was in full-swing an hour later, the pitch coated with an array of students. Music was blasting in the air from a radio that Rudy was smart enough to bring. He was currently twirling Hattie around the dance floor alongside Kye and Dash, who were looking unexpectedly cozy with one another. Harley and Jett were singing aloud to the radio while they danced and I took note of Zig looking far too chummy with Roxanne on the dance floor as well. Rose and Jax were currently scouring the drink table. Cass and Miles were perched on the bleachers, whispering to each other with their heads pressed together and just a few feet away from them, Fred and Ryleigh were currently snogging in what I could only assume was an inebriated state. I took note of my brother talking with Scorpius and Reese off to the side while also keeping a close eye on my sister whose hand was currently in CJ's as the two of them chatted away with Hugo and Rayne. The latter two appeared to be standing very close together and I wondered if anything had progressed between them since their Hogsmeade date. The dance floor was also occupied with a few other members of the Hufflepuff Quidditch team, including Cider Motts and Bryce Thompson currently dancing with their respective boyfriends, Dale Edison and Noah Travers. That left me alone with Alice on the outskirts of the group, drinking our part of the firewhisky I smuggled in and mocking those around us.

"Uh-oh, Reese may have some competition in Tannehill," I teased, nodding towards the Hufflepuff Quidditch Captain whose waist was firmly planted in Dash's hands.

Alice looked confused. "Competition for what?"

"Why, Dash's attention of course."

Alice still look confused. "Why is Reese competing for his attention?"

"Because she and Dash snogged at the bar on my birthday."

She nodded in slow realization. "Ah, right. And you don't think that was a one-time thing?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. It was just an observation."

She chuckled. "Why don't we talk about Cider and Dale? Last I checked they were broken up and now they're here together?"

"Oh, you didn't hear?" I said with a goofy grin. "Rose and Jax caught the two of them practically naked in an empty dungeon earlier this week. Evidently, Cider wasn't too keen on Edison asking you out for Valentine's Day. They apparently made it official a few weeks ago."

"A few weeks and they're already practically naked," she chuckled, shaking her head in slight amusement.

I instinctively wrapped my arm around her shoulders and drew her into me, dipping my head lower to whisper into her ear, "What do you say we go get practically naked right now?"

She laughed and lightly shoved my shoulder. "Wasn't this party your idea?"

"Yeah, well, that was before I realized I could be having a ton more fun with just you," I smirked, reaching over to press my lips to hers.

She smiled into the kiss, happily kissing me back before pulling away and saying, "That's what later tonight is for."

My eyebrow shot into my forehead. "Does this mean you may actually let me stay over tonight?"

"Not a chance."

I made a face. "One of these days, I'll wear you down."

She laughed and kissed me again. I was imagining all the things we would be doing later when we were unfortunately interrupted.

"Oy, there are children around," boasted Fred as he shoved the two of us apart.

I smacked him on the shoulder, glancing towards Ryleigh with a grin. "It was so nice of you to quit your team to allow this jerkoff to be reinstated to our team."

"You mean, star beater jerkoff," Fred corrected with a smirk.

I smacked him again while Ryleigh responded. "It's not like our team has a chance at the finals," she said with a shrug. "I lost my chance to finish out my last year on the Quidditch team but that doesn't mean Fred had to stay benched."

I nodded hesitantly. "Y'know, I'm having a tough time remembering whether or not I'm in the liking-you stage right now or not."

I was the one smacked that time, by Alice, but Ryleigh merely laughed. "You got your star beater jerkoff back."

"Oh, I'm so glad that title is becoming a thing," Fred muttered with a snort.

"Alright, fine, I guess I like you again," I teased and Ryleigh grinned triumphantly.

The four of us were chatting about the Quidditch projections when Fred interrupted by saying, "Apparently, Dash's tongue likes to get around."

We all whirled around to where he was looking and noticed that Dash and Kye were currently snogging in the middle of the dance floor.

"Oh, Kye," Ryleigh groaned, shaking her head.

"Why 'oh, Kye?'" Fred questioned her. "I couldn't tell you the last time I saw Tannehill snogging a guy. She could probably use it."

"The last time I saw my friend snogging a guy, it was you," Ryleigh drawled.

While Alice and I didn't even try to suppress our laughter, Fred's cheeks burned bright red. "This is the part where you're supposed to remember that I love you."

Ryleigh looked at him and chuckled. "Fine, fine, you're off the hook for now."

"Aw, no," I whined. "Fight with him. Punch him in the face!"

Alice elbowed me as Fred glared at me. "You can't punch me in the face. I'm the guest of honor tonight!"

"I don't see how that precludes you from being punched in the face," I argued.

"Let's punch you in the face and see how you like it," he growled.

I rolled my eyes and changed the subject back to our previous topic. "Dash is a good guy. Maybe he'll be good for Kye."

Ryleigh glanced at me curiously. "Dash is still mourning a break-up. He snogged Reese just last week, _for fun_. Kye deserves better than a one-night stand."

"Shouldn't she be the one to decide that?" I questioned.

"Besides," Fred spoke up, "Who says Dash and Reese was just a 'for fun' moment? Maybe they really like each other. Maybe Dash is just trying to make Reese jealous with Kye. Maybe-"

"Oh, he better not be using her!" Ryleigh huffed.

Fred hesitated. "I'm not really doing a great job at selling Dash, am I."

"Not at all," Alice said, clapping him on the back.

"Whatever Dash's feelings for Reese are, she clearly thought it was a one-time thing," Ryleigh argued. "Considering there's a rumor going around that she and…er, never mind."

The three of us exchanged a rather confused look before turning back towards her. "She and who are what, Ryles?" Fred asked.

"Nothing," she said hastily. "Who needs another drink?"

She tried to walk off but Fred reached out to grab her arm before she could. "No, what were you going to say?"

She scrunched up her nose in slight guilt, her eyes darting slowly to the left of us. When I followed where her gaze was going, I saw that she had sought out Albus and Scorpius.

And that's when I remembered my brother smelling distinctively like perfume the night we voted on Fred's place on the team.

Perfume that I had found vaguely familiar.

Perfume that I now recognized belonged to Reese Greengrass.

"Do not tell me my brother is actually fucking Reese Greengrass," I hissed.

Ryleigh grimaced. "I haven't heard anything to _that_ effect," she muttered.

"Well, what _have_ you heard?"

She said nothing, which pretty meant that something between them was in fact going on.

"Bloody hell, is he a fucking hypocrite or what?" I scoffed, shaking my head in disbelief. "He went totally crazy when he found out that his best friend was hooking up with his cousin, yet here he is doing the same? That is some serious two-faced bullshit if you ask me. God, he's more of an arse than I even thought."

"Uh, James?" Alice muttered, nodding at something over my head.

Whirling around, I saw my brother standing there with Reese by his side, neither of them looking too pleased.

"Talking about me?" Albus drawled, folding his arms across his body. "Gee, and I thought you didn't care about me at all."

"I don't care about you, I care about Rose," I shot back.

"Since when?" he snorted. "And what the hell does my personal life have to do with her anyway?"

"You are such a bloody hypocrite, Al," I snapped at him. "You threw a temper tantrum when you found out that your own friend and cousin were fooling around yet you apparently have no bloody problem fooling around with your own friend's cousin!"

"Oh, it's not like that," Reese groaned, who of course went ignored.

"And so what if I am?" Albus growled. "My personal life quite literally has nothing to do with you so how about you keep my name out of your mouth."

"I just think it's hilarious that everyone assumes you're the saint and the martyr in our otherwise fucked-up family yet clearly your morals and values are in question, too."

"Gee, so being with me is immoral now?" Reese muttered.

"The only fucked up one in our family is you," Albus sneered at me. "At least I have integrity. You have none."

"Ah, yes, how proper of you to shack up with some Death Eater's offspring," I retaliated. "Way to keep our family name reputable."

" _Excuse me_?" Reese seethed.

"Like you give a shit about our family name?" Albus laughed. "No way is this about honor or values because Merlin knows you don't believe in any of that. I just think you're annoyed because you think I'm somehow competing with that roommate of yours and you're just trying to lord some pathetic allegiance towards him over me."

"Whoa, Dash and I are nothing," Reese was quick to argue.

She went ignored once again as I let out an amused laugh. "Oh, please. It's not competing when we all know you'll lose. Being a loser is all you're really good for."

"There's nothing to lose!" Reese demanded. "Dash and I are nothing!"

Albus let out a low chuckle, one that I really didn't like as I saw an evil glint resting in his green eyes. "I'm the loser here?" he challenged, his eyes firmly locking with mine. "The guy that seems to beat you in everything? In school, in life, in Quidditch? I have the good grades, I have the prefect badge, I have our parents' affection, and oh yeah, that's right, _I beat you in last year's Quidditch final._ All I do is win, James. _All I do is beat you_.So if you are looking to call someone a loser, you might want to find yourself a goddamned mirror."

Everyone around us could easily tell that my dick of a brother struck a nerve as I was unable to hide the shock and irritation on my face. I struggled to say something, anything, to retaliate but of course there was nothing so all I did was take a threatening step forward and say, "You're an asshole, Al. And I certainly hope that the rest of the world is finally starting to see that, too."

And with that, I stormed off towards the castle.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Alice found me in her bedroom, lying flat on my back as I stared up at the ceiling tiles. She took her boots off and tossed them to the ground before she crawled into bed beside me and snuggled up against my side.

"I don't want to talk about it," I spoke gruffly.

She nodded. "Who said anything about talking?"

I liked the sound of that until she pulled herself away from me.

I sat up with a furrowed brow, watching as she made her way over to her bookshelf. It took me only a second to realize what she was doing as she fumbled with the dial of the radio."

"Ace-"

"Don't fight it," she said, knowing me all too well. "We're dancing it out, Jay. That's final."

All I could do was smile at the back of her head as she settled on a song she approved of before turning around to face me and extending her hand.

 _Where is the moment we needed the most  
_ _You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost  
_ _They tell me your blue skies fade to grey  
_ _They tell me your passion's gone away  
_ _And I don't need no carryin' on_

Alice swiveled her hips, singing the words in a light whisper, as she made her way over to me, gesturing for me to get off the bed. But I found myself unable to move, just watching the perfect woman in front of me try to cheer me up in one of our oldest traditions.

" _C'mon, Jay_ ," she pleaded with that cute smile of hers, gesturing me over with her finger.

I, of course, obliged, slowly pulling myself off the bed and reaching for her hand to twirl her around. She laughed as the melodious music bounced off the walls.

' _Cause you had a bad day  
_ _You're taking one down  
_ _You sing a sad song just to turn it around  
_ _You say you don't know  
_ _You tell me don't lie  
_ _You work at a smile and you go for a ride  
_ _You had a bad day_

I spun her around, both of us now singing at the top of our lungs (me rather off-key, though Alice had a decent singing voice) and our arms flew into the air, our hips swinging with the rhythm, and suddenly out of nowhere, I didn't just find myself smiling, I found myself laughing because the truth was, if anyone walked in at that moment, we'd look horrendously ridiculous. But it didn't matter. I didn't care. In that moment, there was just me and Alice and it was somehow perfect in every way.

We eventually both fell back against her bed into a fit of giggles as the song finished out and a new one, a slower song, replaced it.

I eventually propped myself on to my elbow and turned to look at her. "How do you do that?"

She glanced up at me, the smile on her face one of genuine appreciation. "How do I do what?"

"How do you suddenly make everything feel okay no matter what mood I'm in?"

She appeared to be considering the question carefully before she finally answered. "I never want to see you unhappy, Jay," she whispered.

Being the cynical one I was, I would have assumed she'd have years of practice at seeing me unhappy, but instead of thinking back on the past few years, my mind wandered to when she was a five-year-old girl and I started the whole dancing-it-out tradition. I had tried for days to change the frown on Alice's face or make the tears disappear, but nothing had seemed to work until I put on that music. I hadn't wanted her to be unhappy then, or ever, and she clearly felt the same about me. This was why we worked so well together. Because not only did we want the best for each other, we knew how to make that happen.

"I'm pretty sure I can never be unhappy as long as I have you," I admitted, leaning over to press my lips to hers.

"You'll always have me, James Potter," she murmured before kissing me back.

It was in that moment, a moment where her lips tasted like firewhisky and a single bead of sweat from our strenuous dancing was sliding down the side of her face and her chestnut hair was sticking messily out of her ponytail and her cheeks were flushed and her skin suddenly felt softer than I ever remembered, it was in that very moment that I knew I had it bad for Alice Catherine Longbottom. My heart was feeling things I never thought it could feel. When she wasn't with me, all of my thoughts were consumed by her. When she was with me, I was happier than I could ever remember being. There wasn't a single girl out there that compared to her, that even came close. There wasn't a single girl out there that I could ever see myself wanting to be with other than Alice. There wasn't a single girl out there that made me feel hesitant or confused about my relationship with Alice. There wasn't a single girl out there for me except for Alice.

I just prayed to every God I never thought to pray to before that I wouldn't screw this up. Because even though the very word 'forever' scared me more than I'd like to admit, not being with Alice scared me even more.

* * *

 **A/N:** For those of you wanting more James-Alice smut, you are welcome.

Up next: James' stress level goes way up


	32. Light Up The Sky

**A/N:** I have had some great reviews and reviewers over the past few chapters and wanted to thank all of you for your support, advice, and constructive criticism. I appreciate it more than you can know. Even if I don't always agree with what is said, I almost always take it under consideration or ponder it carefully. I've said this before and I'll say it again, I am so close and invested in these characters, maybe too much, that it's always nice to have an outside perspective who may see something I can't. It helps guide where this story might go and I truly do mean that. I have changed certain conversations or even plot points (the smaller ones anyway) that might have already been written because of your opinions or ideas. So keep them coming!

* * *

 **A WAY WITH WORDS**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 32: Light Up The Sky

" _When stars are hiding the clouds  
I don't feel them shining  
When I can't see beyond my doubt  
The silver lining  
When I've almost reached the end  
Like a flood you're rushing in  
Your love is rushing in  
Light up the sky  
You light up the sky to show me  
That you are with me  
I can't deny, no I can't deny  
That you are right here with me  
You've opened my eyes  
So I can see you all around me."  
_-The Afters

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"No, no, no, no, _no_!" I shouted at my incompetent team. "How many times do I have to go over this goddamned play before you all get it through your thick skulls!?"

As expected, every single one of my teammates glared at me. Or at least they tried to glare at me with what little energy they had.

"We did what you asked," Alice drawled, her voice thick with irritation.

"I asked you to veer to the left and CJ to the right. That's not what you did at all."

"So we amended it," she spoke back. "CJ is bloody left-handed and I'm right-handed. Me going right and him going left makes far more sense!"

Shit, that did make more sense.

Not that I was going to admit that out loud. "You can't just amend something without informing me," I snapped. "I'm the one throwing you the bloody quaffle!"

"This play isn't your best work anyway, Potter," Fred spoke up, looping around my head with a grunt. "You're leaving yourself exposed at the last minute. You should keep one of your chasers in front of you and only have one veer off or you'll likely get a bludger to-"

"Oh, I'm sorry, did you suddenly become Captain in the last few minutes? No, wait, why would they make someone Captain who has spent more time warming up a bloody bench than in the actual air this year."

Fred looked like he wanted to clobber me with his club. "Who pissed in your pumpkin juice this morning?"

"LET'S RUN IT AGAIN!"

"James," Alice growled, "Can I have a word with you?"

"Did I stutter? I believe I told you we were going to run the play-"

"Give me laps for all I care, but I am not running that goddamned play again," she hissed at me, folding her arms across her body defiantly.

"Then go ahead and run your goddamned laps," I barked, whirling around to call out to the bench, "Rose, you're in for Ace! Let's go!"

Rose stirred from where she was currently lying flat on her back on the bench. "Sorry, what?"

I glared at her from across the pitch, so most likely it went overlooked. "Have you been listening to anything we've been doing?"

"Not even a little bit."

I threw my hands in the air. " _Does anyone on this team want to win our next match or is it just me_?"

"Shut up, James," Lily chimed in, the daggers shooting out of her eyes.

I slowly turned to her with my own rage. " _Excuse me_?"

"You heard me," she drawled irritably. "You're acting like a bloody dictator right now and I am telling you, that isn't going to win us any matches, so why don't you get over your stupid rivalry with that brother of ours and just focus on molding us into the best team we can be."

I narrowed my eyes at her, my fists clenched tightly at my side. "What the bloody hell does Albus have to do with any of-"

"Oh, _please_ ," she laughed, shaking her head incredulously, "Every single one of us know that this lovely tyrant you've suddenly morphed into is because of your fight with Al on Friday."

I wouldn't exactly call it a fight. He told me I was a loser in everything I do compared to him and I had absolutely no argument.

Have I mentioned recently that he's an asshole?

I glared at my sister. "Oh, look, someone who wants to join Ace on laps."

She shrugged. "I'll run laps. It's better than listening to your god-awful voice shriek orders at us."

"Ditto to that," Jax's voice muttered from my right.

I pointed to the outskirts of the pitch and said to him, _"Laps, Bloch_."

He rolled his eyes. "Soon, you'll have our entire team running laps and then where will you be?" he drawled, rushing off to join Alice and Lily.

Glancing around at my clearly wearied team, I knew that tonight's practice was officially a lost cause. Maybe I was coming down on them a little hard, and maybe there was no maybe about it, but the beauty of me being the Captain was that I had the right to run my practices however I wanted and it was their job to listen.

But evidently, they weren't too keen on their job.

With a growl, I said, "Practice is over tonight. But you all better come to our next practice prepared to train hard or I'm putting you all through an extensive military-style boot camp where you'll all be begging for dictator James back. Ace, Lily, Jax, five more laps for you. Everyone else, hit the showers."

I flew down to the field and began strapping the quaffles and the bludgers into the equipment trunk. Cass, CJ, Hugo, and Rose all gratefully took off towards the locker room but Fred strayed behind.

"Mate, I say this with love, but you're a fucking asshole."

I flipped him off and latched the trunk shut. "I don't really give a shit what you think, Fred," I snapped. "To secure our spot in the finals, we need to win. To win, we need to practice. And if that means coming down a tad hard on you guys, so be it."

"A tad hard?" he grunted, shaking his head. "No, you've surpassed a 'tad hard' and gone straight into 'I'm gonna royally fuck you up' mode."

"So what?" I hissed. "I want to win. Sorry that the rest of you apparently don't feel the same, but-"

"Oh, cut the bullshit," Fred scoffed. "We all want to win and you know it. But you running us into the ground isn't the answer."

"I'm the Captain. I'll be the one to decide what the answer to winning is."

"And an entire team coming up with a way to overthrow the Captain is the answer to winning?" he sighed.

"You're not going to overthrow me," I drawled. "I'm too good a chaser for you to kick to the curb."

"I seem to remember a match where you didn't score a single quaffle."

I glared at him. "Suddenly, you're the one I want to overthrow."

"You're killing us, James," Fred groaned. "Literally, killing us. Very slowly, so slowly that it might not be noticeable today but soon it will be and then what will you have?"

I glared at him again as a new voice chimed in. "He's right, you know."

I whirled around and narrowed my eyes at my sister as she and Alice made their way over to me with Jax lagging right behind. "There's no way that was five laps."

"You're letting Al get to you," Lily said, ignoring me.

"Oh, fuck him. I don't give a shit what he has to say."

"Right," Jax drawled, "So it's a total coincidence that two days after he reminded you of his track record against you, you're treating us like a bunch of insignificant slaves?"

"Yep, total coincidence," I snarled, grabbing the handle of the trunk and dragging it off towards the locker room.

" _James_ ," Alice said, grabbing my arm to stop me from walking off.

I dropped the trunk on to the grass and whirled around to glare at all four of my teammates, not sure they even remotely understood where my head was at.

Then again, why would they? It's not like I talked about it much.

Or ever.

My glare subsided as I let them into a small part of my mind. "I've played a total of five matches against my brother ever since he made his team, two of those matches being finals, and do you know how many I've won?"

"I'm noticing how you used the word 'I' instead of 'we' in your question," Lily drawled, "When last I checked, Quidditch was a team effort."

" _One bloody game_ ," I answered my own question, ignoring her snarky retort. "We beat them once last year in the regular season and that was it. He has two bloody finals over me. So yeah, do I want to win? Yes. Because we are a far better team than they are and yet they continue to beat us when it matters the most!"

"Oh, sure _now_ it's a team effort," Lily muttered to herself.

I glared at her. She didn't get it. She wasn't ever compared to Albus or even myself. I couldn't be sure if it was because she was female or the youngest or if there was a completely different reason as to why no one expected her to be anyone but herself, but just because she was related to me did not mean she understood a single thing I was thinking or feeling.

I had nothing left to say so I just grabbed the trunk handle once more and took off towards the locker room. I was unfortunately not surprised when they all followed me, stopping me right outside the locker room door.

"James, we are a better team now than we've ever been," Fred commented.

"Why, because you're now back on the team?" I drawled.

He rolled his eyes. "I'm not just talking about me, though might I remind you of my 93% bludger aim rate?"

Alice elbowed him in the stomach and he grinned sheepishly before continuing. "Alright, besides having your star beater back, we-"

"And that title hasn't gone to your head whatsoever," Jax muttered.

"-we have one of the best keepers in the entire school, a girl who is legitimate competition for Reese even though she's only been doing this a year. And-"

"Don't underestimate Greengrass," I huffed. "She's a beast."

"-and we no longer have Bitchy McBitcherson as our seeker so therefore, our morale is already far better than it used to be."

"Not after today's practice, it isn't," Lily muttered.

"We have all of this year's drama behind us and yeah, we have quite a few team members dating each other, but that seems to be working out in our favor so I see no issues with that at the current time. So-"

"Well, don't jinx it," Alice groaned.

"-So you just need to let us do our jobs without biting our heads off because in case you weren't aware of this already, _we are all playing at the top of our game_. So my word of advice to you is, _bugger the fuck off_."

The other three appeared to be stifling their laughter as I glared at my cousin. "Funny, I was just about to say the same to you."

Fred glared back at me. "So glad you didn't listen to a goddamned word I said."

All I could do was frown. Fred wasn't wrong. I truly did believe that our team was in its best shape it's ever been with the strongest group of players we've ever had. But we've had a great team in the past and still managed to lose. So what the hell was it going to take?

"We have to win" was what I eventually said.

"And we will," Alice finally spoke up, placing a comforting hand on my shoulder. "But you need to let us do our jobs and yelling at us for stupid shit isn't going to make that happen."

"It isn't stupid shit," I huffed. "These plays I'm running are going to help us win."

"You yelled at Cass for wearing neon pink because the brightness of her shirt was distracting you from the goal posts."

Oh, right, I did do that, didn't I?

I looked at her and shrugged sheepishly. "That shirt could probably be seen from outer space."

"Yeah, well, she's worn that shirt at least three times this year and you never seemed to have a problem with it then," Jax said with an eye roll.

I turned to him curiously. "How the hell do you know how many times she's worn that shirt?"

"How can you not notice what that girl is wearing?" he retaliated. "She's bloody hot."

That earned him several glares. "You realize you're dating our cousin, right?" I scoffed.

"And you're dating AliCat. Doesn't mean you haven't noticed how freaking gorgeous Rollins is."

I glanced over at Alice who was smirking in amusement. "Rollins who?" I responded with a sheepish grin.

"Oh, look, Dictator Potter _does_ know how to smile," Lily smirked.

"More like Dick Potter, if you ask me," Jax murmured.

"You want more laps, Blockhead?" I barked.

He grinned and clapped me on the back. "I'll do as many laps as you assign me as long as you promise not to completely hate on us anymore."

"That might be difficult when it comes to you."

I ducked and darted into the locker room before Jax had a chance to smack me.

I knew my teammates were right. I knew my brother's taunting accusation was sending me straight into a downward spiral of aggression but my motivation was more on fire now than it had ever been before. I had tunnel vision, looking at this game against Slytherin as the ultimate prize, _the only prize that mattered_ , even though I knew somewhere in the back of my head it was just a game. But I needed this win. I needed to beat my brother. I needed something to finally just go my way. I needed to know that there were still some things I could be better at than him. I needed to be better than him.

Because Albus was unfortunately right. He _was_ better than me in almost all aspects of the word. But maybe, _just maybe_ , if I reclaimed Quidditch, everything else would suddenly matter less.

Maybe.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"Fuck it," I groaned, throwing down my quill. "Why the bloody hell would I ever need to know nonverbal human transfiguration?"

"Maybe when you're being chased by some demonized creature and need to turn into a cheetah for a fast getaway," Alice commented, not bothering to look up from her own Transfiguration essay.

"One, why am I being chased by some demonized creature? And two, why wouldn't I be able to just _verbalize_ that?"

She considered that before shrugging. "Stop asking questions and write your essay."

" _I don't wanna_ ," I groaned.

"You spent an hour after lunch today reviewing seeker tactics you want Lily to try out. You can spend a little time tonight on your actual schoolwork."

"Quidditch plays are so much more fun though," I whined.

"Oh, yeah, because writing all of these essays is the highlight of my day," she responded sarcastically.

I glanced at her curiously. "The sad part is that's probably not all that untrue."

She finally looked up at me, clearly trying to glare at me though with her upturned mouth, I could see the amusement in her expression. "Why do I ever think doing work with you is a good idea? You are the biggest distraction on the planet, James Potter."

I leaned over the table so that my face was inches away from hers and said, "You want to get out of here and I can show you just how much of a distraction I can be for you?"

She laughed and shoved my shoulder away from her. " _No_ ," she chuckled, shaking her head vigorously. "I have two more essays to finish and I am staying here in the library until they're done."

I pouted. "I can think of so many other ways to spend our evening."

"Well, get acquainted with that hands of yours because that's the only action you'll be getting this evening."

I looked at her in slight surprise before breaking out into laughter at the unexpected quip. She, too, broke out into giggles as we shared an amused look. "You're going to miss me tonight," I purred, leaning over the table once again to kiss her.

"Yes, but I think I'm okay with that when I don't get an incomplete on these assignments," she murmured in between kisses.

Pulling back, she added, "You do remember that _you_ were the one who suggested the library, right?"

Only because I had had a sneaking suspicion that if we stayed back in Alice's room, she would have wanted to talk to me about why I was so on edge regarding Albus and I had had little desire to do so myself.

"I changed my mind," I said with a shrug. "I'm allowed to do that."

That, and I had a sneaking suspicion that once we were in the library, she wouldn't leave and then we wouldn't go back to her room where she would have wanted to talk to me about why I was so on edge regarding Albus.

She didn't seem terribly convinced but I gathered my things and hastily planted one final kiss on to her forehead and disappeared towards the door before she could get in another word.

"Hey, James."

I jumped and turned around, nodding a greeting towards Penny Briggs who was occupying a table with her roommate, Quinn Zander. "Er…hey."

"Studying hard tonight?" she asked, flipping her hair over her shoulder.

I thought back to what Alice had said last week about girls' flirting ways. "Er…not really."

"Too bad," she said with a coy smile, "I would have told you I know a real good way to help you take a break from your studies."

Yeah, she was definitely flirting with me.

"You know I'm spoken for, right?" I sighed.

She snorted. "Right, and how long do any of us expect that to last?"

I glared at the fifth-year. "I think I know a little more about my relationship than you, Briggs. And no offense, but your attempts at flirting with me are subpar at best so I'd suggest just stopping altogether before you completely embarrass yourself."

I stormed off towards the exit, ignoring the shocked look on the Ravenclaw's face. I felt the slightest amount of guilt for snapping at her, knowing that she was just the latest target of my wound-up ways, but she was completely forgotten when I raced out the door and slammed into one of the last people I had any desire to interact with.

 _"Ow_ ," Reese said as the both of us stumbled backwards.

I took a step back from her as my eyes narrowed almost instinctively. "Greengrass," I greeted coolly with a mere nod before stepping past her.

"Your brother isn't so bad, y'know."

I should have just continued walking, not given her the time of day, but when have I ever steered away from conflict with another student?

Whirling around, I found myself laughing. "Oh, sure, you've known him in a limited capacity for about five years now while I've known him in a very familial capacity for fifteen years, but you're right, you probably know him much better than I do."

She frowned. "You knowing him in a familial capacity doesn't actually mean you know him."

She unfortunately made a good point.

"You knowing him in a limited capacity doesn't mean you do, either," I hissed. "And for the record, you can do so much better than him."

Slight irritation flickered in her expression. "I'm hardly going to take the advice of a guy who just loves to hate him."

"I don't _love_ to hate him," I snapped. "I just hate him."

"Oh, no you don't," she said flippantly. "It's just easier pretending that you do. But take a look at your track record, James. When he and Kat broke up, you were the first one by his side to try to make him feel okay. When he was going through one of his many rough patches with Rose and Scorpius, you were there to try to talk him down. Whether you realize it or not, you care about him so don't-"

"Just because you're sleeping with my brother does not mean you have a goddamned clue what goes on between us," I seethed, the anger building up inside of me at her audacity to analyze a relationship she could never understand.

"I'm not sleeping with him," she groaned.

"Oh, good, so you do have some taste," I drawled.

I tried taking off but she refused to let me. "I don't understand why you're so angry."

I shot her a look over my shoulder. "Who said I was angry?"

"The way you're acting right now says it."

I rolled my eyes. "I'm not angry, I just don't particularly like to associate myself with people who cozy up to my brother. As I'm sure you are already aware, he and I don't exactly see eye-to-eye on, well, _anything_ , so why waste my time on people who want to waste their time on him?"

She looked genuinely put off by that, which may have at one point made me feel bad by the rather bluntness of my words, but I refused to feel guilty over anything that had to do with my arse of a brother. "So because your brother and I have become rather friendly with one another, you're-"

"Is that what we're calling it?" I snorted. " _Becoming rather friendly_?"

She frowned. "We're not dating if that's what you're wondering."

"No, I'm not wondering because I don't care. You can date or not date whoever you want. It's your life. I just don't want to be a part of it anymore."

There was an unexpected sadness in her eyes that I pretended not to notice. "So that's it then?" she asked softly, the hurt evident in her four words. "You find out I'm hanging out with your brother and you're suddenly just going to completely cut ties with me?"

I shrugged. "Does that really bother you, Greengrass? It's not like we were ever best friends. Sure, we got along. I wouldn't go as far to say that we were friends, but I do admit we were more than acquaintances. But that's all it was. A mutual kind of complacent camaraderie that doesn't need to be a camaraderie anymore."

She looked torn between wanting to punch me in the face and cry. I was surprised when she did neither. "You don't consider us friends?" she asked softly.

I just shrugged.

There was a flicker of disappointment in her eyes when she spoke next. "Why did you start calling me Baby Girl?"

I blinked. "What?"

"I don't remember when or why you started calling me that. Was it from the start or did it come up over time? Where did it come from?"

I was confused by this line of questioning but answered anyway. "I'm not sure what you're expecting me to say here but the fact of the matter is, you are younger than me, are you not? Baby Girl seemed like a good fit."

She said nothing at first, just staring at me with eyes filled with emotional hurt that I was currently pretending to ignore. "I remember feeling flattered by the nickname," she murmured. "And you know why?"

I shrugged.

"Because you only give nicknames to the people you care about," she spoke softly.

I blinked in surprise. "What?"

"Freddo, Ace, Lils, Rosie, Loucifer, T-bear," she said firmly. "Need I go on?"

I frowned. I had never made that connection before, though I realized now she wasn't completely wrong. It took me off-guard for a mere second, not sure even how I was supposed to respond to that, but seeing as I was still very much in the hating-on-Al phase and Reese was guilty by association, I pretended not to be bothered by her assessment and instead said, "So you somehow deluded yourself into thinking that by giving you a ridiculous nickname that I only ever came up with because your cousin hated the very fact that we seemed to get along so well, that you fit into the same category of people I have literally known my whole life?"

I had taken it too far and we both knew it, the hurt in her eyes now impossible to ignore. "So that's it then? You befriended me for the sole reason that it pissed off my cousin?"

"That's what I said, isn't it?"

She shook her head at me. "Wow, you just love to do that, don't you?" she spat out.

"Love to do what?" I drawled.

"Tear down anyone who you believe has betrayed you, no matter how big or small, as if that'll somehow make your screwed-up self feel better about the situation," she sneered.

I was a pro at that, wasn't I.

"But the thing is, Potter, I haven't done shit to betray you," she snapped. "You and your brother are not enemies so maybe you should stop treating him like one."

She tried to walk away then but I refused to let that be the last word. "And there you go acting like you know anything about my relationship with my goddamned brother," I hissed. "That has nothing to do with you so whatever the hell you're doing with Al, just leave me the hell out of it."

"Oh, you have got to be kidding me!" she growled, whirling around with a glare etched into her expression. "You were never in it to begin with! You think Al and I just sit around chatting about you? You think he tells me all of his woes with his idiot older brother? You think we spend any time even remotely thinking about you? We don't. So if that's what you're worried about, get off your bloody high horse and realize that not everything is about you."

"I'm not worried about anything," I snapped right back. "Because, as I already said, _I just don't care_. If he wants you, he can have you."

The anger in her eyes told me that perhaps that was the wrong thing to say. " _'He can have me_?'" she sneered. "Oh, is that all I am, just some trophy to be batted between you two? You are unbelievable, y'know that? I don't know why I ever thought you were a decent guy."

"I don't know why you ever thought that either," I retaliated. "I'm not a decent guy, I'm an asshole and I don't try to hide that. So in the spirit of being an asshole, I'm going to walk away from this conversation now because frankly, it's been a huge waste of my time."

This time I nearly got to the end of the hallway before she called out to me. "You may hate your brother but all he ever wanted from you was to know why. So as far as I can tell, the only asshole in your family is you, Potter."

I stopped before turning the corner, slowly turning around to face her, my eyes narrowed into slits of frustration. "He tells the entire party on Friday that he's better than me at everything we do and he can't seem to figure out why we don't get along?" I seethed. "Gee, and everyone thought he was supposed to be the smart one."

And with that, I finally turned the corner and walked away.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

A week went by and my teammates were still very much on the hating me train. I wasn't letting up much at practice, though I kept the insults down a bit. I learned that telling them they were incompetent children whose grandmother could play Quidditch better than them didn't often get results. But I still ran near impossible drills as a way of challenging them, so much that every practice ended with them all close to tears as they soothed their sore muscles in steaming hot showers for far longer than usual.

One afternoon when I had stumbled across my sister in the hallway, she told me I was the devil before rushing off. Cass said if she missed class because she couldn't make it out of her bed, she was blaming me for failing. Fred called me names under his breath at least twice a day. Alice kept questioning my practice efforts. The only one who didn't really complain was CJ and I had a feeling it was because he'd always be trying to get on my good side seeing as he was dating my younger sister.

I had spent an entire evening with my head buried in my playbook when a shadow loomed overhead. Glancing up, I saw Alice drop on to the common room couch beside me. "You've been a hard person to track down," she said curiously.

"I've been sitting here all night," I said. "Where exactly were you looking before the Gryffindor common room where I spend a good 80% of my time?"

She rolled her eyes. "I'm not talking about right now, I'm talking about in general," she argued.

"We've got a very important match coming up," I murmured, scribbling a few notes in the margins. "I've been focusing on that."

"Where?"

"Common room, empty classrooms, library, Transfiguration courtyard, Clock Tower," I listed off. "All places you could have easily found me."

She frowned and I had a feeling she could detect the defensiveness in my tone. "You've been in a bit of a mood lately, Jay."

She wasn't wrong but I pretended she was. "No mood. Just me being me."

"Just you being anxious about a match."

"Like I said," I said with a teasing grin. "Just me being me."

She sighed. "You've always been one to stress about a match but you're taking it to an entirely new level," she said softly. "Don't let this one match destroy you, Jay."

"I won't," I said dismissively.

She was smart not to look convinced. "Why am I finding that hard to believe?"

I looked up from my notes and offered her what I hoped was a sincere smile. "I'm not stressed, Ace," I argued. "I just want to win. And yes, maybe I want this win more than others, but I just feel like the answers to our success lie in this playbook. So I'm going to spend as much time with it as possible to ensure our team comes out on top. That's all."

She skepticism in her eyes told me she wasn't completely sold but all she did was sigh and pull herself off the couch. "I just don't want you to let this one match make or break you. As important as I know it is to you, it's just _one match_."

It was so much more than that and even though Alice was trying to convince me otherwise, I knew she knew exactly how I felt about it.

"I know," I lied with a mere shrug.

She still looked unconvinced but only sighed. "It's almost curfew so I've got to be getting back to my room," she murmured, glancing down at me out of the corner of her eye. In doing so, she noticed a folded-up piece of parchment sitting on the coffee table in front of us. "What's this?"

She picked it up but I swiftly swept it out of her hands. "Another letter from Mum."

She frowned. "You didn't burn it right away?" she questioned curiously.

"Just got it recently. She's starting to send them outside of Owl Post hours," I growled. Glancing at it, I held it up to Alice. "Feel free to do the honors of burning it on my behalf."

"Or, and here's a novel concept, you could read it."

"No," I growled. "No good can come from reading that."

"You don't know that."

I balled the letter up in my hand. "All you had to say was that you weren't interested in burning it for me."

"Jay-"

"I thought you were leaving? Something about a curfew I believe?"

The felt the sting of the dismissal and I felt it in her frown. "Yeah, I'm going," she muttered. "But can you promise me something first?"

"Hm?"

"Try to smile every once in a while."

I heard the worry in her tone which made me feel the slightest amount of guilt. I knew I was feeling a bit on edge over the upcoming match and that was turning me into a rather serious person, someone I usually was not, but Alice didn't deserve to be isolated due to my own fears and insecurities.

I reached for her arm and pulled her towards me, a genuine smile creeping on to my face. "How can I not smile with you around?" I said before offering her a quick kiss.

There was a detection of relief in her eyes, as if she was happy to see that I hadn't completely gone off the deep end, but I had a feeling that this wasn't the last time this conversation would come up.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I was already in one hell of a frazzled mood but evidently the world wanted to piss me off even more for I was heading back to my common room from one of the abandoned classrooms, giddy at the thought of nearly tying together a perfect beater strategy, when I ran straight into my brother.

Rounding the corner, I stopped short and so did he, glares almost immediately filling our faces.

"Heard you had some pretty harsh things to say to Reese," he drawled.

I was hardly pleased to hear that Reese had run off to my brother to tell him about my conversation. "Well, that's not really any of your business, now is it?" I sneered.

"She's my friend and she was angry and upset which I don't like to see so of course it's my business."

I rolled my eyes at him. "And I'm sure if it was anyone else in the school she argued with, you'd be having this same conversation with them?"

He hesitated which pretty much answered my question for me. "I can't believe you're just giving up on your friendship with her because of me. That is low, James, even for you."

"I'm not giving up on our friendship because of you because it was never a real friendship to begin with," I snapped. "We got along, sure, but I get along with plenty of people in this school who I've never once called a friend."

Disbelief etched into his already irritable expression. "Does that make you feel better about the situation? Telling yourself you were never friends so that losing her to me doesn't irritate you nearly as much? Then again, we all know how good you are at losing to me."

And there was that blasted accusation once again.

I wondered how much trouble I'd get in if I socked him in the face.

I would have gladly done it, too, if it wasn't a one-way ticket to the bench during our next match.

"Does Reese know you're only using her to mess with me?" I sneered. "That's pretty low of you, Al, even for you."

The smugness in his eyes immediately turned into a mixture of shock and ire. "The only one here who gets off on using women is you," he snapped.

"He says to the only guy here who actually has a girlfriend," I snapped right back, "For if you recall, your slag of an ex-girlfriend cheated on you because she realized how inane and uninteresting you really are. And you honestly think that Reese won't toss you aside just the same?"

I could tell I had hit a real nerve with him, the look on his face turning into one that resembled an unexpected hurt. And I was getting ready to feel slightly guilty over my words when his next words stopped me from feeling anything but rage.

"Oh, you mean, just like how Dad tossed you aside because he realized how uninterested he was in having you as a son?"

Those words send a river of ice through my every vein, a feeling of painful disbelief overtaking my every thoughts and movement. I could only stare at Albus, no words able to form for once again, my own younger brother found a way to upstage me and be superior than me with just a few agonizing words. And there was quite literally nothing I could say to change that.

"You're even more of an asshole than I realized," I hissed at him. "Y'know, I've already written Dad off so maybe it's time I just do the same with you. And it's not even because you're a shitty brother, Al, it's because you're not a brother to me at all. So if I never have to talk to you again, I'd consider myself very lucky."

I turned on my heel and fled the hallway, leaving him standing there alone to digest my words.

For so long, he had been the quiet one of the family. He rarely expressed his opinions and he had avoided conflict with every chance he got. And all of a sudden, out of nowhere, he's somehow found his voice.

I just never realized he'd use that voice to go up against me every chance he could.

Then again, I should have expected it.

Everyone else in my family had found a way to betray me. So why shouldn't Al?

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

When I wasn't at practice or leering over my playbook, I was constantly reminded by all of our professors that N.E.W.T.s were only two months out. Normally, I didn't care about schoolwork. Hell, I still didn't. But as we neared the end of the school year, I knew I had to at least pretend I cared, so for the second time in just under a week, I found myself in the back of the library again.

Shit, was Alice rubbing off on me?

"I hate schoolwork," I groaned, throwing down my quill as a third property for the usage of gifflepods in modern potions escaped me. "It's really eating into my valuable down time."

"You're not getting your playbook back until you finish that Potions essay," spoke Alice.

I growled. Alice had managed to steal my overflowing Quidditch playbook and refused to give it back to me until I finished two essays. I completed my Herbology essay (well, I completed a half-assed version of it but what Alice doesn't know won't kill her) and was currently about halfway through my Potions essay but my brain was hurting with all of the educational knowledge I was cramming into it.

"This has to be a form of cruel and unusual punishment," I whined.

"You need a break from Quidditch."

"Maybe the only thing I need a break from is you," I groaned.

She frowned and glanced at me curiously. "I don't see how that's possible since we've barely spent much time together recently."

I wasn't surprised that she called me out on that again. When I wasn't in class, I was focusing my every attention on perfecting the implementation of certain strategies before our next game. She wasn't the only one who was noticing as Fred made a comment earlier that day that I had become a stranger to him which was saying a lot seeing as we shared a room together.

"We have a match coming up," I reminded her. "I've been a little busy with that."

"And your schoolwork just keeps piling up. I'm trying to help you not fail," she said with a teasing smile, though there was certainly some raw honesty in her words.

"I can not fail in other places besides the stuffy library," I huffed.

She stifled a laugh while rolling her eyes. "With the amount of time you've used on complaining, you could have been done with your essay by now."

"I'm seriously wondering why I date you," I said with an overdramatic sigh.

She smirked and lifted her eyes from her own notes. "Finish that essay of yours and I'll show you why."

My eyebrow popped upward. "Now that is some incentive."

A laugh erupted behind us as Fred slid into the library table between us. "Are you trading sexual favors with James in hopes he'll actually do some of his schoolwork, AliCat?"

"Sexual favors appear to be the only way I can get through to him," she teased.

"Uh, and stealing my bloody playbook," I huffed. "If we lose our match, I'm blaming you."

"You probably have that whole damned thing memorized by now so don't go blaming me for anything," she retorted.

"Not the whole damned thing!" I huffed. "Probably just about three-quarters."

She rolled her eyes (she was getting very good at that) and Fred used that time to intervene. "As much fun as it is to watch you two bicker, put it on hold for now because you are currently missing out on the entertainment of a lifetime unless you get your arses back to the Gryffindor common room right now."

"The only real form of entertainment we have around here is betting on what new drama will unfold in the Peasley family," Alice drawled.

Fred considered this. "Mostly true," he conceded. "But we've got an epic Tournament of Champions about to go down and you won't want to miss this."

Alice and I exchanged a look. "Do we ask for more information or are we better off not knowing?" Alice asked me curiously.

I smirked as Fred chimed in. "Ah, I'm glad you asked, AliCakes! The Tournament of-"

"I didn't actually ask. And don't ever call me AliCakes again."

"-Champions is a knockout battle with rounds of several fun-filled childhood games, including gobstones, exploding snaps, a ten-move wizarding chess match, and a healthy game of butterbeer pong. That one was my idea. Well, no, I suggested firewhisky pong and Rose threw a book at my head."

Both Alice and I stared at him blankly. "I have so many questions," Alice sighed. "Starting with how the hell butterbeer pong can be considered a _childhood game_?"

"That's the question you have?" I smirked. "My question is, when the hell do we start?"

Alice smacked me on the shoulder. "Don't encourage Fred's crazy antics!"

I looked at her. "I'm pretty sure my only job in life _is_ to encourage Fred's crazy antics."

She tossed her hands in the air with a shake of the head. "I'm surrounded by idiots."

"One of those idiots you snog on a regular basis, might I remind you," Fred said with a smirk.

"Did my girlfriend just call me an idiot, Freddo?" I pouted.

"Why I do believe she did, Jameso."

"What should I do about that, Freddo?"

"Kick her arse in the Gryffindor Tournament of Champions is one way to go, Jameso."

I laughed as Alice tossed a closed inkwell at Fred's head, who merely grinned and pulled himself off the chair. "C'mon, kiddos, we won't want to miss this."

"May I ask, though I seriously fear the answer," Alice sighed as she reluctantly gathered up her things, "How this Tournament of Champions came about?"

"Well, I was bored because unlike some people, I finished my Herbology essay ages ago, so I was arguing with Jax about what we should do because unlike some people, he finished his Potions essay ages ago, and he suggested chess and I suggested Exploding Snaps and neither of us could agree so then Rose told us to play gobstones instead but I told her that game was boring and Jax said we could just drink the night away and I said we could turn it into a game and he asked me how so I told him firewhisky pong and then Rose threw her book at me so I said fine we can play butterbeer pong instead which is when Jax said we should play a combination of all these games and voila, today's Tournament of Champions was created."

Both Alice and I were staring at Fred when he flashed us a grin to signal the end of his long-winded story.

Glancing over at Alice, I said, "I bet you I stopped listening before you did."

She sighed. "I was right to think I would fear the answer."

Fred merely grinned and said, "Now, c'mon. We've got some winning to do."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Fred was right to call his self-created Tournament of Champions the entertainment of a lifetime. The Gryffindor Tower was buzzing with so much laughter that Thursday evening. Thirty or so Gryffindors spanning from timid first years to us seasoned seventh years participated in the event, hosted by Fred and Jax together, and even when people were knocked out, they were hardly sad about it because watching the chaos ensue was just as entertaining as being a part of it.

Gobstones, normally a juvenile game in my mind, was a frenzy of high-energy madness that had us all cheering at the top of our lungs any time a stone was pushed out of the center of the ring, the smell of rotten eggs from the liquid secretion going ignored. As most of us haven't played gobstones in years, none of us had much talent so it had come down to luck. My sister was knocked out by CJ and the two of them proceeded to get into a petty argument about the stupidity of the game that somehow ended up with both of them doubling over in hysterical laughter. Dash and I were passing a bottle of half-empty firewhisky back and forth, as we both believed this so-called Tournament of Champions would be even more entertaining with a little buzz, until Fred confiscated it from us when Dash knocked over the bottle on to the gobstone rings and we had to pause the game for a few minutes to clean it up.

Alice and I both managed to scrape through to the next round, though unfortunately for me, I somehow managed to get knocked out during Exploding Snaps by Rose and Dash. My ears were ringing by the end of the Exploding Snaps round, though I couldn't be sure if that was due to the multitude of card explosions or the loud cheers that fell from my fellow Gryffindors. The curtains may or may not have been caught on fire thanks to Cass and CJ's competitive nature against each other, and while Alice managed to put it out quickly that didn't stop the entire common room from filling with deafening laughter.

Wizarding chess managed to quiet most of us down as it wasn't exactly what one would call a fast-paced pastime, though limiting it to only ten moves provided its own entertainment value. It was nearing eleven o'clock when the last and final round, the butterbeer pong round, began. The final competitors were Rose, Cass, Jett, and Hugo, which had half the room whining about a Weasley conspiracy.

"And the girls go head to head with the boys!" Fred announced to the entire room of giddy Gryffindors. "Who will prevail? Who will go home with the title and the prize? Who will-"

"What prize?" Rose snorted.

Fred hesitated. "Gryffindor pride?"

She rolled her eyes. "Sure, pride is fine. Money is better though."

"I have no money, cuz."

"Aw, is that because you spent it all on that precious girlfriend of yours?" she teased.

"Don't make me disqualify you, Rose."

She laughed. "Alright, let's get on with it then."

As the game commenced, I glanced over at Jax who was cheering on his girlfriend so loudly, I was certain he'd have no voice come tomorrow morning. Shifting my gaze towards Alice, I asked, "Who do you think is winning this?"

"Rose's competitive side won't allow her to lose," Alice chuckled.

I couldn't help but agree with her. "Hugo isn't exactly going to sit back and let his sister beat him though," I contemplated. "He might surprise us."

Dash spoke up beside me. "Five sickles?"

I hesitated. "Nah, I can't do it. My money's on Rose winning this thing."

Dash and Alice laughed as the whole room erupted with cheers when Cass sunk a ball into the cups.

"Yeah, don't forget, Rose is a chaser at heart," Jax spoke up from behind us. "She has very focused aim. That's got to help her in this game. She'll win."

"You're just saying that because you know if Rose loses, she'll be very angry and you don't want to have to deal with an angry girlfriend," I teased.

He shrugged. "She's been angry enough as it is all day. I figured she could use a break."

My eyebrow shot up. "Dare I ask what set her off this time?"

Jax suddenly frowned. "You haven't heard?"

I sighed. "I never like when someone starts a conversation like that."

He glanced towards Alice who looked just as bewildered as I did. Dash, I noticed, appeared not to look confused so apparently Alice and I were the only outsiders.

With a sigh, Jax said. "Malfoy socked your brother in the face today."

Alice let out a groan but I merely frowned. "What for?"

Alice smacked me on the shoulder. "Oh, you know perfectly well what for."

I glanced at her before shrugging. "Then it sounds like my brother deserved it," I huffed.

Alice sighed. "James-"

"Don't say he didn't," I cut her off, shaking my head vigorously as another crowd of cheers erupted. I didn't bother looking to see who it was for. "He shut his best friend out for weeks because Malfoy was snogging his cousin. And now he's doing the same with Malfoy's cousin and doesn't expect some kind of retaliation? No one is that foolish, even Al."

"I'm not saying he shouldn't have expected some retaliation," Alice sighed. "But that doesn't mean he deserved to be punched in the face."

I shrugged. "Whatever, I don't even care about those two so could we possibly drop the subject altogether?"

"That's not true," Dash argued. "You care about Reese. You two are friends. Sort of."

I looked at him with a curious frown. "Not anymore we aren't."

That got all of their attention. "What do you mean 'not anymore?'" Alice scoffed.

I shrugged and said, "I meant it when I asked if we could drop the subject."

"No, you don't get to say something like that and then not want to discuss it," she countered. "Please do not tell me you tossed Reese aside just because she's sort-of seeing your brother."

I hesitated. "Okay, I won't tell you."

I wasn't at all surprised when I got smacked on the shoulder. " _What is the matter with you_ , _Jay_?"

"A lot. I really don't have the time to give you the full list."

Alice was about to offer me another scolding, but Fred's booming voice stopped her. "Oy, you two lovebirds, will you keep it down? We're trying to finish up a game here!"

"Nothing to keep down!" I fired back with a grin. "We're done with our side talk. Woo-hoo, let's go Rose!"

Alice sighed but one of the things I liked about her was the fact that she knew when to push her boundaries and when to surrender. And thankfully, she went with the latter.

Dash, on the other hand, did not. "I realize that you and your brother don't get along, but is it so bad that the idea of staying friends with someone who is growing close with your brother such a terrible thing?"

I shot my roommate a look. "Aw, is someone jealous that my brother scooped up one of the only girls you've violated since you decided to whore yourself out to a girl who just so happened to _not_ be your girlfriend at the time?"

The look I got from all three of my friends was one of angry disbelief.

Which, to be fair, I totally deserved.

"Fuck you, Potter" was Dash's very eloquent response before he turned on his heel and disappeared upstairs.

"Uh, what the hell was that?" Jax scoffed at me.

I shrugged, turning my attention back on the butterbeer pong game in front of me. "Your girlfriend just scored again. They're ahead by three cups."

"James, what has gotten into you lately?" Alice asked softly.

"Nothing," I muttered with another shrug.

Her eyes narrowed at me. "You've been making Quidditch impossible to enjoy, you're taking one thing that your brother said way too seriously considering you've never cared what he had to say before, you're snapping at Dash, you're unfriending Reese, you're distancing yourself from me and your friends, and you're just not acting like yourself. I know you're worried about the upcoming match but this is so much more than that. What is going on?"

What _was_ going on?

I've dealt with pressure before. Maybe not effortlessly but I've certainly had my share of stress and burden. It would be so easy to blame my brother and his smart mouth on my sudden anxiety level but I had a sneaking suspicion that that didn't even scratch the surface.

I was still receiving letters from Mum, all of which I ignored, but the unread letters didn't put me at ease any more than they wouldn't have had I actually read them. They were all just blatant reminders that my relationship with my family was quite possibly at its lowest point and I had this unrealistic expectation that if I just beat my brother in the next game that I would be able to care about that a lot less. As if winning would somehow erase my insecurities, give me something to believe in again, give me the ability to feel good about myself when it seemed no one else could.

Only, even I knew how ridiculous that was.

I could have tried to explain that to Alice but I could barely explain it in my own convoluted head so I thought shutting her out like I seemed to be doing to everyone else seemed to be the better answer.

"Like I said," I drawled with another shrug, "Nothing is going on."

"James-"

"Ooh, Rose just scored again. She's on fire."

" _James_ -"

"Ace," I said firmly, shooting her a look. "You're overthinking this, alright? Can we just go back to watching Rose kick her brother's arse at butterbeer pong?"

She was clearly unconvinced but I just wrapped my arm around her shoulders and let out a cheer for Rose and instead of questioning me further, Alice followed suit. Either she didn't know what to say or felt like she had nothing to say but either way, I was grateful that the subject was dropped.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Dash and I were the last two in the room the next morning. Parker had gone down to breakfast before I had even crawled out of bed and I had a sneaking suspicion that Fred disappeared as some sort of forced way to get me to talk to Dash.

It unfortunately worked.

"I didn't mean what I said last night," I murmured when Dash came out of the bathroom.

He glanced up at me, his jaw going rigid. "Yeah, you did."

I frowned and realized I had nothing else to say.

He folded his arms across his body. "The thing is, James, I never wanted to be with Reese. She was there, we were drunk, and we had a little bit of fun together. That was it. And I think you know that. So I really don't know why you're so determined to create a rivalry between me and your brother. Is that so you can ignore your own rivalry with him?"

"No" I was quick to respond, though clearly he knew me better than I had ever realized. "I'm just really good at being an arsehole and you just happened to be my most recent target."

Dash looked at me and shook his head. "I think we both know there's more to it than that."

And once again, he seemed to know me better than I realized.

Was I really that transparent?

"I know you want to beat your brother, James," he said softly, "But I don't think taking out your unhealthy amount of self burden on others is the answer."

"Yeah?" I murmured curiously. "Any chance you could tell me what is?"

His head tilted to the side pensively. "Well, I'm no expert, but I think what you want to do is score more points than their team at the next match."

I grabbed a book off my desk and chucked it at him.

He ducked, a laugh spilling from his lips. He grabbed the book off the floor and tossed it on top of his desk before grabbing his schoolbag and hoisting it over his shoulders. "C'mon, let's get to breakfast."

I let out a small sigh of relief that he didn't seem too upset with me for what I said to him the night before. "Really?"

"Well, yeah, I'm not looking to starve today."

I shot him a look and he shrugged. "Hey, just because you're looking to start shit with me doesn't mean I'm looking to start shit with you right back."

I clapped him on the shoulder as we both headed towards the door. "And that's why you're my favorite Dashiell."

His brow knitted. "Do you know any other Dashiells?"

"No, because who the hell calls their child that?"

He shoved me with a laugh. "Who the hell gives _you_ of all people a middle name like _Sirius_?"

I shrugged as we descended the stairs. "Believe me, I've been pondering that question since birth."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

With only eight days left before the heated Gryffindor vs. Slytherin match was to occur, I found myself on the end of several stares as I wandered into the Great Hall for breakfast with Fred.

"Er…is it me, or are people staring at us?" Fred was the first one to mutter.

Glancing around the room, I acknowledged that people were in fact staring at us. "What did you do now, Freddo?"

"I didn't do anything," he huffed. "You're the one who's made enemies recently, so if-"

"Like who?" I snorted.

He shot me a look. "Your brother, Dash, Greengrass. Must I go on?"

"I've always been enemies with my brother. Dash and I are fine," I argued, "And Greengrass and I aren't enemies. We've just had a mutual falling out."

As expected, he broke out into laughter. "There was nothing mutual about that, mate."

I glared at him while settling into the Gryffindor table alongside Alice, who was busy whispering with Jax that she missed me coming up beside her. "Alright, who wants to tell me what's going on?"

Alice jumped, her eyes growing wide as she met my gaze. "How long have you been sitting there?"

"Approximately three-point-five seconds. I'm assuming by your rather shifty behavior that you know why the entire school has eyes on me?"

Alice and Jax exchanged a not-so-subtle look that told me the answer to my question was unequivocally yes.

"Just show him," Rose spoke up from across the table. "He's going to find out eventually."

I didn't like the sound of that. "Show me what?"

Alice grabbed the paper out of Jax's hands and slid it towards me. "Second page."

I flipped the newspaper to the second page and saw a large photo of my brother holding last year's Cup. The headline read:

 **Battle of the Brothers: A Quidditch Rivalry**

I felt my heart plummet into my stomach knowing all too well that I would hate every word written in that article.

 _Brothers feud. There's an inherent trait in every family that somehow manages to pit two alpha-male siblings against each other in a competitive nature. And the Potter family is no different. James Potter, 18, and Albus Potter, 16, became bitter rivals the moment that sorting hat placed Albus Potter into a House that wasn't Gryffindor. The two boys went from being brothers to being adversaries in front of everyone's eyes. And that of course extended to the Quidditch pitch the day Albus was offered a chaser position on the Slytherin Quidditch team._

 _The very same position that James Potter played on the Gryffindor team._

 _The brothers have since met up on the pitch five times. Once during each of the past three regular seasons and twice during the finals. Slytherin, clearly the superior team, has taken home the win four times out of the five, including both finals. Most would look at this and assume that the better brother on the pitch would be Albus. However, the stats show that the brother with the better skillset is James. He has outscored Albus five to one in the past three years combined. His scoring rate is 81% of all shots on goal, compared to his brother's rate of 66%. So the question becomes, who will outshine the other in the upcoming Gryffindor-Slytherin match? Will James Potter finally get that win he deserves or will his brother prove once again how to outplay, and therefore outshine, his older brother?_

I tossed the newspaper to Fred without bothering to read the rest. "Here, feel free to use this to wipe your ass later."

Fred glanced down at the headline and grimaced. "Why does the _Prophet_ hate our family so much?"

"It's not their worst article," Jax commented, glancing at me with a shrug. "They've managed to point out that you're a better chaser than your brother is."

"In stats only. That's not worth much when he keeps bloody beating me," I drawled, an unexpected sinking feeling churning around in my stomach. I tried ignoring it but it always managed to appear when I considered the possibility that we could lose to Slytherin. I liked to pretend it wasn't possible. I liked to think we were a far better team than them. But the truth was Slytherin was good. Their keeper rivaled ours. We both had rookie seekers and veteran chasers. Our beaters perhaps had a slight upper-hand to theirs now that we had Fred back but not by much. It was anyone's game.

I really hated that.

"So maybe it's your turn for that win," Jax said with a shrug. "Everyone knows we're the better team."

"Everyone doesn't know that," I fired back. "Seeing as, oh I don't know, Slytherin keeps fucking beating us."

Jax sighed. "Well, if you want to be Mr. Negativity, go right ahead but I'm holding out faith that it'll be us with that win in our next match."

If only I had the same kind of faith.

But why should I when Albus was always finding a way to upstage me? Why should the next match be any different?

"Can we not talk about Quidditch for at least five minutes?" I murmured. "I could seriously use a break from it."

That earned me four stares of utter shock.

" _You_ don't want to talk about Quidditch?" Rose drawled, her voice heavy with confusion.

I shrugged. "There's plenty of other stuff to talk about."

"Like what?" Jax snorted.

I tried to come up with something, but came up rather blank. "Er…Herbology?"

That earned me another round of shocked looks.

"You want to talk about _school_?" Jax groaned.

"I just don't want to talk about Quidditch anymore, alright?" I snapped at him, my blood beginning to boil over. "What's the point when it isn't even about Quidditch anymore? It's become about me vs. Al instead of Gryffindor vs. Slytherin. And it's one thing for me to pit the two of us against each other, but for the world to do it, too? This rivalry or feud or whatever the hell it is that Al and I have grown accustomed to is _our_ thing. It shouldn't have anything to do with anyone else and yet the bloody _Prophet_ just turned us into a goddamned circus act like they always bloody do. That's all we'll ever be. Some ridiculous publicity stunt to help boost their ratings. When did we stop being actual human beings? I'm sick of it. I'm sick of all of it."

I suddenly felt as if I were somehow suffocating in a sea of judging faces. I didn't want to be there anymore. I didn't want to be stared at or whispered about. I didn't want my personal life to trickle into the speculation of a vast student body, most of whom I either didn't know or cared little about. I was tired of feeling helpless and hopeless all wrapped into one overwhelming feeling of inadequacy.

I was already pressuring myself enough. I really didn't need the _Prophet_ , or the rest of the school, to do it, too.

Pulling myself abruptly off the bench, I muttered, "I'm heading to class now."

I saw the shock and concern on my friend's faces at my rather unexpected outburst. I heard the pleading and the protests from them. But I ignored it all, grabbing my schoolbag and hastily rushing out of the Great Hall in a desperate need to get away.

If there was any a time to skip class, it would be now, so I made the rather abrupt decision that History of Magic was off the table and wound my way through the foyer towards the near-empty Transfiguration courtyard. Pausing in the archway, I knew there was only one place where I could hide that would make the possibility of me being found by my friends nearly unattainable.

Which is how I found myself sitting on a bench staring ahead at the Battle of Hogwarts memorial.

So much for getting away from my family for a while.

I knew as I stared at my father's name etched into the stone at the very top of the memorial that I had acted like an irrational hothead back in the Great Hall. It would certainly spark some intrigue amongst my friends as to what exactly might have set me off, when exactly did I hit that breaking point and why since my feud with my brother wasn't exactly anything new for me, but I found myself unable to scrounge up the ability to care at the moment. Let them speculate. Hell, let the entire school speculate. The world even. They're all going to do it anyway, I might as well just pretend to make my peace with it.

But pretend is all it'll ever be.

I wasn't okay with the world judging my every move solely because of my last name. I wasn't okay with the world judging me at all. Was I ever going to get the chance to just be me? Or will I only ever be a Potter?

I suddenly felt very weary, all energy I may have once had slowly seeping out through my pores. It was clear that the match against Slytherin was starting to really take a toll on me, more so than any other match I've ever been a part of. Worrying about every little aspect of the match. Making sure I spent enough time training Lily. Letting myself build up enough faith in my team's natural abilities. And ultimately hoping for the best.

But that was it, wasn't it. I had little control over what would and could happen. I could practice my team into the ground and I could play to the best of my own ability but there were thirteen other people on that pitch that decided the outcome. And I hated that. I hated knowing that no matter how fully prepared my own team might be, there would always be the possibility of a loss.

It had become painfully obvious that this wasn't just some win to me. This was the win. A way to prove to myself and the world that I was the best. I had turned my off-the-pitch rivalry with my brother into one on the pitch, as if somehow beating him at Quidditch made me better than him in all aspects of life. It was foolish but I couldn't shake the feeling off no matter how much I tried.

Then again, I wasn't trying too much.

We were all used to the pressure that came with winning but I knew I was putting too much pressure on not just the team but myself. It was just a match. Just one game. Just one win. In years to come, no one would even remember the outcome of this single match in history.

Well, except for maybe me.

And Al.

Well, one thing that article said had certainly been true. Brothers really do know how to feud.

"Good morning, James."

I jumped, jerking my head around and frowning as Neville came up behind me.

He was definitely not on the list of people I wanted to see right now.

"Professor," I greeted.

He looked a tad surprised by the formal greeting. "Shouldn't you be in class right now?"

Busted.

"Shouldn't you?" I shot back.

"I don't have any classes right now, James," he sighed. "But I know full well that you should be in History of Magic."

I shrugged. "Yeah, well, my family pretty much created history so I have a feeling I'll be able to keep up," I spoke a tad too bitterly.

He frowned at me, expectedly so. "Alright, let's go for another question then, shall we?"

How about we don't?

"You have made it rather known over the years that you are hardly a fan of this memorial, James. So what are you doing out here?"

I went with yet another snarky comment. "Well, I came out here to graffiti crude drawings beside my father's name but alas, you interrupted me before I-"

"Stop," Neville said firmly, the frustration clear in his tone. "I'm going to ask you again what you're doing out here and I don't want another sarcastic comment out of your mouth."

I could only shrug. "Sorry, Professor, those are about all I'm good for."

" _James_ ," he snapped at me, harsher than I think I've ever been witness to before.

I made the mistake of sneaking a peek at him and saw the raw concern in his eyes. I didn't care about a lot of people and I wouldn't go out of my way to say I particularly cared about Neville but I did care about his daughter which meant that a part of me did care about her father.

So I turned away with a sigh and muttered, "This was the only place I could think of where I figured your daughter might not be able to find me."

A long silence followed and I held in a groan when Neville joined me on the bench. "And why aren't you looking to be found?"

It was a question I found difficult to answer because the answer wasn't an obvious one. I had thought that I had just wanted to get away for a while, get away from the whispers and the stares and the gossip, but as I sat by that memorial staring up at my father's name, I wondered if the one thing I really wanted to get away from was myself.

I wasn't proud of the person I had turned into over the past few weeks, running my team into the ground for my own personal vendetta, hurting Reese, insulting Dash, acting distant towards my friends and Alice, stressing myself out over a game. All because I couldn't get a single sentence from my brother's mouth out of my head.

Alice had wondered why I was taking it so seriously when I never cared about what he said before but that was because nothing he had ever said before was worth anything. He had never particularly involved himself with conflict before and kept most of his opinions to himself, whether good or bad. So it was alarming and off-putting to hear him flat-out remind me that he was quite literally better than me at everything we do. And it bothered me no matter how much I pretended it didn't for the sole reason that it was true. He was right. He was better than me at everything and it wasn't even because he tried. He could just show up and he'd be better. I didn't hate him for it, I couldn't because it was just the way things were, but I did hate him for reminding me of it.

"No reason" was my very vague response to Neville.

I could feel his eyes on me but I refused to look. "Mm," Neville murmured eventually. "Or maybe it has something to do with that ghastly article in today's _Prophet_."

And of course he picked up on that.

I shrugged. "That article is nothing new, Neville. The press has been pinning my brother and me against each other for years."

There was another hesitation on his end before he said, "Is it the press that's doing that or you?"

I couldn't help but glare at the older man. "Oh, sure, because everything's my fault, right?"

"That's not what I said."

I shrugged, defeat settling into my posture as I hunched my shoulders over, a sad sigh escaping my lips. "You didn't have to," I muttered. "It's always what everyone thinks."

He said nothing and I was grateful as I turned my gaze back on to the memorial in front of me. I scanned the list of deceased names for no one in particular, just for something to do, and stopped when my eyes flitted across "Remus Lupin." And I suddenly wished it was Teddy sitting beside me and not Neville.

"I don't think that."

I responded by once again shrugging.

"No, what I think is that being the son of a very prominent war hero, perhaps the most prominent war hero, can make a boy feel as if he'll never be good enough for himself or anyone else. And it's easy blaming the world and that war hero for making him feel that way."

I said nothing because we both knew that he was dangling the raw truth in front of me no matter how much I'd like to deny it.

"But James," he spoke softly, "Blaming others isn't going to make that feeling go away."

So I've noticed.

I could feel a tightening within my chest but I ignored it to say, "Whatever."

I refused to look at him, but I could feel the disappointment bouncing off his expression. "It's easy making mistakes, James, especially with the people you love. It's not so easy fixing them."

Frowning, I considered his words. I wasn't sure what to make of them, confused about whether he was referring to my mistakes or my father's. Or maybe both. But I realized it didn't matter.

"Especially when you don't want to fix them," I murmured.

That time, I was referring to both Dad and myself.

There was another small pause. "Or maybe you do want it. It just hurts less to pretend you don't."

He wasn't wrong. In fact, he pretty much hit the nail on the head.

Not that I was going to admit it.

So all I did was say for a second time, "Whatever."

A sigh fell from Neville's lips and I had a feeling he had been hoping for a little more than that, but if I wasn't willing to talk to Alice about it, he was foolish to think I'd have any interest in talking to him, or anyone else, about it.

"Well," he said, clearing his throat resolutely, "Just know, James, that I'm here for you even if it may not always seem like it."

It would be so nice if I could believe that but I couldn't.

I looked at him, as the father of my girlfriend and not my professor, and slowly shook my head. "No, you're not," I murmured. "Because you'll always be there for your daughter. Which means you can't always be there for the guy who's dating her. So maybe you used to be there for me. Maybe you want to be there for me. But you can't be. And I'm okay with that because if anyone else could understand putting your daughter first, it's me."

He looked slightly alarmed by my response and I could have sworn there was a flicker of sadness in his eyes. "That does not mean that I am not on your side, James," he spoke firmly. "I'm your professor and your Head of Household and before any of that, I was a friend of your family's. I watched you grow up. I watched your friendship with my daughter blossom into something indestructible. I watched you get sorted into Gryffindor and I watched as the biggest smile flashed across your face. And then I watched that smile fade. One day at a time. Until it was gone. And I've been watching ever since hoping that one day you might get it back. So will I always be there for my daughter? Yes. But that doesn't mean I can't be here for you, too."

I had no words. Thoughts, too, were inconceivable. I felt appreciative and yet discomforted. My heart ached and my face flushed. A rush of sadness washed over me with the memory of a fleeting smile, one that used to mean something. But now here I sat in a place that had never once made me smile, in a world that never gave me any reason to smile.

"Winning this next match will make me smile," I muttered.

He sighed. "Winning isn't everything, James."

I frowned. "It is to me."

He shook his head. "It shouldn't be. There should be more to life than that. You deserve more to life than that."

Did I? Seems that I didn't deserve much of anything. The only thing that seemed to fill me with any hope lately was a Quidditch win.

And I realized then just how pathetic that really was.

No wonder I've been so easily frustrated lately. Searching for a win on the pitch wasn't going to change the way the world saw me. It was utterly foolish of me to think that one win over my brother was going to make a difference to the outsiders looking in. The press would find a way to eat both of us up no matter who won or lost. It was what they did. For so long I pretended they didn't have any hold on me and it was about time I let myself truly believe that. They were just looking for a story. But this wasn't just some story. This was my life.

And it was about time I reclaimed it.

"You're right," I found myself saying.

The shock in Neville's eyes almost made me laugh. "Did you just tell an authority figure that they were right?"

"Uh, no, I told the creepy family friend who's evidently been stalking me for eighteen years that he was right."

Neville stared at me and then burst into laughter, a raucous kind of laughter that suddenly had me laughing, too. "Don't let yourself get into your head too much, James," he said when our laughter died down. "Enjoy being a teenager for a little while longer because unfortunately, it won't last."

I glanced up at him curiously. "I don't know about that. I don't see myself growing up anytime soon," I teased.

He looked at me with an odd sort of smile as he picked himself off the bench. "I do," he spoke softly before offering me a curt nod and heading out.

There was something seriously wrong with the world when it was Neville Longbottom who made me feel better.

And the best part was, he didn't even discipline me for missing class.

"Oh, and James?"

I glanced back around, not realizing that Neville hadn't left. "Yeah?"

"You have detention tomorrow morning for skipping class."

Dammit. Right when I was beginning to like that guy.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I strolled into Charms class with a smile on my face and sat down next to Fred. "I need your help with something, Freddo."

He glanced up from the scribble of a dragon he was attempting to draw (attempting being the key word there). "Lay it on me."

I told him my plan and he sat there listening. And when I was done, a sly grin broke out across his face. "I think we can make that happen."

* * *

 **XOXOXO**

I had barely seen Alice all day as our class schedule happened to conflict so I was happy to grab her in the Entrance Hall before she disappeared out the door towards Quidditch practice. "I've been acting a little distant lately" was how I greeted her.

She looked up at me in surprise before nodding. "Oh, so you've noticed that, hm?"

"It's not because of you. I've just been in a weird funk."

Her eyebrow popped up. "Did you just give me the 'it's not you, it's me' line?"

I grinned sheepishly. "Hey, I hear it's a classic."

She laughed and stepped on her tiptoes to kiss me. "Any chance you're over your funk?"

"I think so," I said, wrapping my arm around her shoulder as I steered us across the grounds towards the Quidditch pitch. For the first time in a long time, I was actually looking forward to practice instead of feeling anxious for it. I just hoped my team would appreciate it. " _Especially_ since there's a nice rumor going around about you."

She blinked in surprise. "Rumor? What rumor?"

"That there is a very special birthday coming up for a very special someone."

She looked at me with a coy smile. "Ah, tell me more about this very special someone. She sounds divine."

I laughed, pressing a kiss to her cheek. "Tell me, special someone, what do you want for your birthday?"

She considered this carefully before looking up at me and saying, "The only thing I want is right here in my arms."

I couldn't help the goofy grin that flooded my face and I stopped the two of us long enough to kiss her. "As good as that answer was," I murmured in her ear, "I'm going to need to request something just a tad more tangible."

She smiled as we continued our trek towards the pitch. She grew unusually quiet and I noticed the crinkle between her eyes that told me she was thinking hard about my question. A slow frown spread across her jawline before she looked up at me again. "You really want to know what I want?" she asked softly.

"I asked, didn't I?"

I saw the worry in her eyes as she spoke. "I want you to stop looking at this next match like it's some sort of death match designed to make or break you. I want you to be okay with whatever happens. I want Quidditch to be fun for you again."

I was slightly taken aback, and yet not surprised, by her response. The way I had been acting hasn't made Quidditch fun for any of us. "It's your birthday and you want something that benefits me?"

She shrugged. "You being happy makes me happy."

We had definitely wandered into Mush Territory but I didn't mind it. Leaning over, I pressed a kiss to her cheek and said, "Well, then you're in luck because you are about to get an early birthday present tonight."

With a wink I slipped into the clubhouse.

"What is that supposed to mean? James? _James_?"

Laughing, I pushed open the door into the Gryffindor locker room and saw the entire team already there, looking more miserable than I could ever remember. All except for Fred who lay sprawled out on one of the benches with a smirk on his face.

"Alright, team, listen up!" I said, clapping my hands together.

As expected, I got a roomful of groans.

" _That doesn't sound like you're listening up_."

"Oh, someone please shut him up," Jax moaned. "I can't hear his voice anymore. It's plagued my nightmares recently."

"You're dating Rose. If anyone is plaguing your nightmares, it's definitely her," I retaliated.

Rose glared at me. "If I could move, I'd hit you. Lucky for you, my body aches everywhere it possibly can so any kind of movement is impossible right now."

I smirked.

"I can't feel my legs," Lily sighed. "Or my arms. Come to think of it, my torso feels numb, too. And my head feels like lead. _I might die in practice today_."

"Well, that'sa tad dramatic, don't you think?" I sighed, finding slight amusement in their complaints.

All that earned me was a glare from my sister.

I could only laugh, which was evidently not the right response as Cass growled and said, "I'm so glad your aching team members is funny to you, Potter."

I grinned sheepishly. "Okay, so I've been a bit of a hardass lately."

It was their turn to laugh. "A _bit_ of a hardass?" Jax snorted. "Oh, no, no, no, let's get one thing clear. You've been the biggest hardass of all the hardasses in the country. Nay, _the world_."

I shrugged. "And all of that stops today."

I was on the receiving end of seven very skeptical stares.

"No laps. No suicide drills. No boot camp workouts. Not today."

More blank stares.

"I bet he's lying," Cass muttered to no one in particular.

"I bet he's lying to mess with our heads," Lily agreed.

"I bet he's lying to mess with our heads and he's just waiting to laugh at us on the pitch," CJ sighed.

"I bet he's lying to mess with our heads and he's just waiting to laugh at us on the pitch and go 'haha, you daft idiots really thought I was going to be nice today? In your naïve little dreams,'" Jax whined.

I ignored Fred as he doubled over in laughter to roll my eyes and say, "You guys think so highly of me."

"Can you stop talking in riddles and tell us what's going on?" Alice finally spoke up curiously.

I grinned. "I'm glad you asked, Ace," I said before kicking Fred in the shins. "Bring them in, Freddo."

Still laughing, he climbed off the bench and headed towards the door.

"Oh, hell, he's bringing in a herd of giants, isn't he?" Lily groaned.

"He's bringing in a herd of giants to run us over, isn't he?" CJ whined.

"He's bringing in a herd of giants to run us over until we're dead, isn't he?" Cass sighed.

"He's bringing in a herd of giants to run us over until we're dead so he can laugh at us and go 'haha, you daft idiots really thought I was going to be nice today? In your naive little dreams,'" Jax whimpered.

My upper lip twitched but that was my only outward sign of amusement. "Where the hell would I go to find a herd of giants?"

"I'm assuming you have dictator friends who know where to find a herd of giants," Jax said with a shrug.

I rolled my eyes as the back door opened and in walked Fred followed by the Hufflepuff team.

Looks of confusion crossed over my teammates' faces as they looked at the Hufflepuffs and then at each other and then finally at me.

"Er…they do know this is the _Gryffindor_ locker room, right?" Jax murmured, earning a stifled laugh out of the others.

I ignored him to greet the Hufflepuffs. "Hey, thanks for coming, guys."

"We heard there was free booze involved," Kye said with a grin.

I blinked and glanced towards Fred. "There is?"

Fred grinned sheepishly. "I don't like to do anything booze-free if I can help it."

My eyebrow shot up. "How very alcoholic of you."

"Do you or do you not want some firewhisky to take off some of that obnoxious edge of yours that you've suddenly grown way too accustomed to?"

I shrugged. "Hey, I never said I wasn't all for upping the fun factor of today."

"Excuse me," Alice spoke up, clearing her throat. "Do you mind telling us what the hell is going on?"

I looked at her and then I looked around at the bewildered looks on my other teammates. "I turned Quidditch into a chore when all it was ever supposed to be was fun," I spoke with a mere shrug. "So it's time we reclaim the fun. The Hufflepuffs have graciously agreed to join us for a wildly entertaining Battle of the Houses, which evidently includes booze, all of us going after one ultimate grand prize."

To say my team looked shocked would have been an understatement. The only one who didn't look shocked was Alice because she was too busy looking wary. "Oh, no," she sighed. "What is this ultimate grand prize?"

I grinned. "I'm so glad you asked, my pretty."

"Yeah, don't ever call me that again."

Grinning, I continued. "The losing team has to come up with a choreographed dance, in outfits that the winning team will choose, to perform at the lovely Alice Longbottom's surprise birthday party on Thursday night."

The entire room looked at me as if I were crazy and all I did was grin triumphantly at all of them.

"I have so many questions," Lily sighed. "Starting with, how is it a surprise party when you just told AliCat about it?"

"Uh, because she didn't know about it until I just told her?"

"That's not what a surprise party is!" she groaned.

"You're throwing me a party?" Alice said with a goofy grin.

"Yeah, so let's hope we win today because it would be pretty cruel to make you entertain the crowd on your own birthday," I chuckled.

"Can I ask what was going through your warped mind when you came up with this perverse grand prize?" Jax sighed.

"Do you really want to know what goes through my warped mind, Bloch?"

He hesitated. "On second thought, I retract my question."

I grinned. "Hey, if you all want to go through another James Potter Hardass practice, I'm all for it, but I was-"

"So choreographed dance you say?" Fred chimed in with a shrug. "I can get down with that. Only, we better fucking win this thing because Tannehill has already threatened me with pink tutus."

The guys groaned, the girls laughed, and Kye just grinned. "So let's get this game going, shall we?"

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"So the rules are this," I said, flying around the group of people in the air. " _There are no rules_."

"Oh, that sounds like a wise idea," Alice groaned from beside me.

I shrugged. "We have no refs so if there were rules, we'd be fighting over fouls all night. Ergo, we have to eliminate them altogether."

"Your logic astounds me."

"I thought Ryleigh was our ref," Kye chimed in, pointing to her friend and ex-teammate below us. Ryleigh was standing there underneath us, bowing out of the scrimmage as we all knew the moment Brooks Pruitt heard that she was playing alongside her team would be the moment he'd call bullshit on the whole 'she quit her team' thing.

"We can't have someone on _your_ team as our ref," I huffed. "She's be totally biased towards you!"

"She's not on our team, remember?" she mused. "And if she's going to be biased towards anyone, it's probably that boyfriend of hers."

"Have you met her? Her competitive side for Hufflepuff totally trumps her relationship with Fred."

Before Kye could respond, Alice chimed in. "Are we going to spend all night arguing over this or actually start the match?"

Kye let out a quiet chuckle and said, "Alright, no ref it is, but this has hospital wing written all over it."

I shot the other Captain a look. "We could remove the clubs and bludgers altogether. How do you feel about not playing at all?"

She hesitated. "But, hey, a trip to the hospital wing never hurt anybody."

"Er, I'm pretty sure it has," Jax drawled. "That's why people go to the hospital wing. _Because they're hurt_."

"Do you or do you not want to smash people with bludgers until they bleed, Bloch?"

He grinned. "Oh, it is so on, Tannehill."

With a laugh, I turned back to the group and said, "Just don't go trying to kill anyone and I think we'll all be fine. There will be a break every half an hour to replenish our bodies with all kinds of alcoholic contraband that Fred has provided for us. But try not to throw up all over the pitch, alright?"

"Well, it's official," my sister sighed. "My brother has gone insane."

"Well, yeah, but you shouldn't be focusing on that right now. The only thing you should be focused on is grabbing that snitch, sister darling, alright?"

She looked at me. "Did you just call me sister darling?"

I shrugged. "Are we ready to do this thing or what?"

More laughter rang out and I couldn't help but smile. As important as winning had always been to me, a loss tonight didn't sound totally horrible. I was definitely not an accomplished dancer and had little desire to help choreograph some silly dance, but if we lost as we were forced into complying, it didn't sound like the worst punishment in the world. My team kept me sane, as surprising as that sounded. They kept me me. Reclaiming the fun in Quidditch wasn't difficult with them because they somehow put me at ease and made me smile at times I didn't even realize I needed to.

So with a grin, I cried out, "LET'S PLAY QUIDDITCH!" and tossed the quaffle into the air.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Lily and Bryce were purposely not catching the snitch. The gold ball was spotted leisurely circling one of the goal posts and the two of them exchanged a look before staying put. Neither wanted to end the night and frankly, no one seemed to mind. I had assumed that bodily injury wasn't going to be avoided but somehow the teams managed to play rather tamely. We were all having fun, just enjoying the moment. The Hufflepuffs knew getting into the finals was a longshot and the Gryffindors knew how much we needed a night off from worrying about the Cup. So we taunted each other with cringeworthy smack-talk and we pulled on the end of each other's brooms playfully and we sent cowardly insults at one another, but it was all in good fun.

I blew the whistle again. "Break time!"

I darted towards the benches and dismounted, taking a swig of a near-empty bottle of mead. The firewhisky and gin were already out so we were left with a measly amount of redrum and mead. There were too many of us sharing for any of us to be sufficiently buzzed but as Alice pointed out, that was probably a good thing since drinking and riding a broom weren't exactly a match made in heaven.

"Gryffindor is going down, Potter," Ryleigh teased as she grabbed the mead out of my hand.

"Aha! I knew your loyalty to Hufflepuff trumped your loyalty to Fred."

Her eyebrow shot up. "I feel like I missed a segue."

I stole the bottle back with a laugh. "The segue is, Hufflepuff is the one that's going down. No one is going to put me in a pink tutu."

Laughter fell from her lips and Fred took that time to sweep in and plant a kiss on her.

"One of you is going to have to catch that snitch at some point, sister darling," I cried out to Lily.

She turned around. "Okay, you have to stop calling me that," she sighed. "And all in due time, brother darling. All in due time."

I laughed and glanced around the group of smiling players. I liked the idea of Quidditch being fun again.

"Hey, Potter."

I whirled around as Kye made her way up to me.

"Tannehill," I greeted. "You getting tired yet?"

She laughed at me. "I'm only getting started," she teased. "I just wanted to say thank you."

My eyebrow shot into my forehead. "Dare I ask what for?"

She just shrugged, glancing around at the group in a slight daze. A nostalgic smile filled her expression as she began to speak. "This very well may be the last time our team plays together," she spoke softly. Meeting my gaze, she said, "And I couldn't imagine a better way to go out."

I realized then the magnitude of what she was saying and it suddenly hit me that it was entirely possible that the Gryffindor-Slytherin match could be the last game our team all played together.

That thought left a sinking feeling in my stomach I wasn't at all prepared for.

"No," I found myself saying, slowly shaking my head. "Let's make ourselves a promise, Tannehill."

She cocked her head to the side. "What kind of promise?"

"We do this again. Make it a monthly thing. Once in April and once in May," I spoke slowly. "We have two more months here to enjoy the freedom of the school pitch. So let's not allow today to be the last day we enjoy it together."

She looked at me, her eyes holding a mixture of gratitude and awe. "You really are full of surprises, Potter, y'know that?"

I just shrugged. "Is that a yes?"

She held out her hand to me. "That's a yes."

With a grin, I shook it and said, "You're still going down today."

"We will crush you like an unwelcome bug."

"Oh, it's on."

"It's so on."

I grabbed my whistle out of my pocket and blew on it. "Break time over!"

As I mounted my broom, I couldn't help but laugh as I heard Kye sigh and said, "Who the hell decided it was a good idea to give that boy a whistle?"

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

The moment Lily's hand wrapped around that snitch, my team went berserk in the best way possible. Fred began a team chant of "Gryffindors rule!" that had Kye throwing her entire club at him, though she was laughing so it couldn't have pissed her off too much. Lily couldn't stop smiling which made it impossible for me to stop smiling. Jax was already coming up with a thousand ways we can embarrass the Hufflepuffs for their choreographed dance. Cass and CJ were doing the can-can as best they could in the air. Rose was laughing at them. Hugo was singing a round of "We are the Champions" and Alice was looking at me with the biggest smile on her face.

"Good game, Potter," Kye greeted me when we all dismounted our brooms and dropped on to the bleachers to finish the nearly-empty bottles of alcohol.

"You might think differently when we dress you up in the Slytherin robes," I argued.

She glared at me.

"Zoo animal costumes?"

She groaned.

"Okay, fine, cowboy chaps it is."

She smacked me on the shoulder which had us both breaking into laughter. "It's too bad we lost. The school would have loved to see you in a pink tutu."

I shuddered. "Those photos would have definitely been sold to the press for a hefty price by someone," I sighed.

"Probably me," she teased, elbowing me in the side with a laugh.

I couldn't help but laugh, too, as Alice dropped down beside me. "Today was fun, Mr. Not-So-Dictator-Anymore."

My eyebrow popped up. "I hope that's not a nickname that'll be catching on."

She grinned and leaned over to capture my lips with hers. "Y'know," she said, resting her forehead against mine, "I think we all needed tonight. You especially."

I nodded. "Yeah, I know I've been a bit wound up lately."

She shrugged. "You're under a lot of pressure. I get it," she spoke with a nod. "But the thing is, Jay, a lot of that pressure is coming from yourself. You can't control everything and it kills me to watch you try."

I grimaced knowingly, turning my gaze away from the concern in her eyes. "Your father seems to feel the same way."

She blinked in confusion, pulling back to look at me. "What?"

I chuckled and glanced back at her. "Your father and I had a nice chat this morning."

Her eyebrows popped way up into her forehead. "Did you just use the words 'nice chat' and my 'father' in the same sentence?"

"I did."

She blinked again. "Well, I think it's safe to say that hell froze over."

I laughed and wrapped my arm around her shoulders, drawing her into me. "He offered me some perspective I had been skillfully ignoring."

"Okay, now you're just pulling my leg."

I laughed again and pressed a kiss to her temple. "I felt so nervous and tense about the match that I took it out on everything and everyone around me. But yelling at my teammates, and yelling at other non-teammates, isn't going to make that win any more attainable. I can't freak out about an outcome of a match that hasn't happened yet. I just need to believe in my team, and I do. I really do. We are playing at our absolute best and that's all I can ask for. And I guess in a weird way, your father helped me realize that."

She stared at me. "So you'll listen to my father but not me when I told you to not let this one game make or break you? Do not let it stress you out so much? To not let the game destroy you before it even happens?"

I hesitated. "Well, he happens to be very wise in his old age."

"What does that make me? Unwise?"

I grinned sheepishly. "You are hardly unwise, Miss Head Girl."

"And yet you'll listen to my father's advice and not me," she whined, shaking her head at me.

I chuckled. "I listen to your advice all the time, Ace," I murmured, pressing a kiss to her temple. "I guess I just needed a different perspective. I was so far buried in a hole of my own panicked fears that I needed to find a new way out."

She shook her head at me but eventually smiled. "Well, for the record," she murmured as she placed her head gently against my shoulder, "I don't care how you found your way out, I'm just glad you did."

I glanced down at her and smiled. "Me, too, Ace," I said. "Me, too."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

 **A/N:** I liked to call this chapter The One Where James Is Not In A Good Head Space. But we all know just how much pressure he likes to put on himself. And we all know that when that happens, everyone better watch out because he's rather skilled at blaming other people for his problems instead of himself. (Exhibit A: Reese) (Exhibit B: Albus) Who will be next to deal with the wrath of James' insecurities? Time will only tell.

Up next: The much-anticipated Gryffindor vs. Slytherin match!


	33. Who You Are

**A/N:** One year ago today, I first published this story. It's only fitting that I provide you with a new chapter on its anniversary, especially a chapter as Quidditch-filled as this as we finally get to witness the big Gryffindor-Slytherin game.

* * *

 **A WAY WITH WORDS**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 33: Who You Are

" _I stare at my reflection in the mirror  
Why am I doing this to myself?  
Losing my mind on a tiny error,  
I nearly left the real me on the shelf  
Don't lose who you are, in the blur of the stars  
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,  
It's okay not to be okay  
Sometimes it's hard, to follow your heart  
Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,  
Just be true to who you are."  
_-Jessie J

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"Well, it's confirmed," I muttered, slipping into the Gryffindor table for dinner the next evening. "My parents will be gracing us with their presence next Saturday."

"Both of them?" Fred spoke between bites.

I nodded. "Yep."

"Did you expect otherwise?" Rose interjected. "Both of their sons are playing in this match."

"I wondered if my father's irritation with me was enough to keep him away," I drawled. "Evidently not."

Rose looked up at me. "Your dad is irritated with you?"

Oops, forgot that that wasn't public knowledge.

"Of course he is. When is he not?"

She rolled her eyes at me. "You are such a cliché, James, a brooding teenage boy who refuses to get along with his parents."

"Not 'parents,'" I corrected. "Mostly just Dad. Well, er, Mum now too I guess seeing as I've burned her last eight letters instead of read them."

I found myself grinning in amusement when all of the people around me proceeded to roll their eyes.

"If you're not reading your mother's letters, how do you know she's coming to the match?" Fred asked.

"Teddy," I said with a shrug as I topped my plate off with shepherd's pie. "So in case I haven't made it clear enough at our practices, we have to win because if I lose to my brother _again_ in front of my family, I'll never be able to live it down."

"Hey, remember when I said you are putting too much pressure on yourself?" Alice finally spoke up from my right.

"That wasn't me pressuring anyone. That was me merely reminding you of the stakes," I said with a grin.

She rolled her eyes. "In case it doesn't get said enough, you're a prat, James Potter."

"A prat you're dating, Alicakes," Fred reminded her.

"I believe I warned you not to call me that," she drawled.

Fred merely shrugged before diving right back into his meal.

"Teddy and Vic are coming, too, with Dora," I commented to no one in particular. "So at least I'll have some family who likes me at the match."

"Tell me, James, is the only thing you do whine?" Rose drawled with the roll of her eyes.

"Tell me, Rose, did you want a spoonful of peas thrown at your head?"

"Only if you wanted an entire bowlful of mashed potatoes shoved down your pants."

I glared at her, ignoring the laughs that were now coming out of Fred's mouth at my expense. "I'd really like to know when you started to spend so much time with us because I'm suddenly finding it very unnerving."

She shrugged. "Blame this lug," she spoke, nodding her head in Jax's direction.

Jax blinked. "Am I supposed to be the lug?"

I rolled my eyes at them. "I regret ever befriending you, Jax."

He blinked again. "I feel like I missed a whole conversation when I was tuning you two out."

That had the whole table bursting into laughter. "That's kinda the way it works, mate," Fred said, clapping him on the back. "Now, go back to eating your dinner."

Jax looked down at his plate and shrugged. "Yeah, okay."

Chuckling, I glanced over at Alice. "Is your sister coming to the match? She'll have Vic there for company."

Alice frowned into her food and shrugged. "I'm going to go with no."

I sensed the tension in her tone and I apparently wasn't the only one as Fred exchanged a curious look with me. "You still haven't heard from her?" I questioned cautiously.

"Nope."

Fred shared another look with me. "Maybe she'll surprise you," I suggested.

She finally looked up from her meal, frustration soaring in her eyes. "She didn't come to my match in January so why would she suddenly show up now?"

Those words surprised me. "How…how did I not realize she didn't show up to that match?"

"You two were a little busy not speaking to each other," said Fred with a nervous chuckle.

Oh, right.

I leaned over the table and placed my hand on Alice's. She stiffened but didn't remove it. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine," she murmured.

But we both knew it wasn't.

I sent off a letter to AJ the next morning saying that Alice missed her older sister and would love for her to come to the match.

I got a three-word letter in response.

 _Fuck off, Potter_.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

It was just after six in the morning when I snuck into Alice's bedroom that Thursday morning. She was sleeping peacefully buried underneath a mountain of blankets, her chestnut hair sprawled across her pillow carelessly. I found myself creepily watching her, a huge smile on my face, until I decided that if she woke up to me leering at her, she might scream and the last thing I wanted was a surplus of visitors.

I tiptoed over to her bed and leaned over to press a kiss to her cheek. "Wakey, wakey," I whispered into her ear.

She stirred and reached her hand up to swat at me. "Go away."

I chuckled and jumped on to the bed beside her, earning an irritated groan. "I can't go away," I argued. "Today is a very important day."

"Is it the day I decide to kill my boyfriend?"

I laughed, poking her in the side, or at least where I think her side was underneath all the blankets. She squirmed and finally peeked one eye open long enough to glare at me. "Why am I awake?"

I grinned. "Because your boyfriend wanted to make sure he was the very first to wish you a Happy Birthday."

The look in her eye softened and she made a face before opening both eyes and sitting up. "You could have still done than an hour from now."

"I could have. But I didn't."

She laughed and reached over to grab my arm, pulling me towards her. "Well then, it's a good thing I kicked out my other boyfriend right before you showed up," she teased.

I let out a gasp of feigned outrage. "Blasphemy!"

She laughed again and said, "Oh, just kiss me."

"After finding out you're having a clandestine affair behind my back? That's rather forward of you."

She smirked and leaned in close to me before saying, "Don't worry. You're a much better snogger than he is."

I found myself laughing before pressing my lips to hers. "Happy Birthday, Ace," I murmured, pressing my forehead to hers. "I pray yours goes far better than mine."

She wrapped her arms around my shoulders and drew me into her. "Well, as long as my father doesn't show up to teach any classes, I should be—oh, wait."

The laugh that spilled from my mouth was boisterous and that only set her off. "We just have to get through a day of classes and then we get to see a bunch of Hufflepuffs make fools of themselves tonight at your not-so-surprise party," I said, laying down beside her.

She looked at me with an amused smile. "Oh, is that all my birthday party is to you? A platform for humiliating Hufflepuffs?"

"Yes. Was I ever not clear about that?"

We both broke out into laughter once again and that put a goofy smile on my face because all I wanted from that day and every day thereafter was to spend the rest of my life laughing with her.

There was a knock at her door then and I somehow knew already who it would be when Alice called out, "Come in!"

Sure enough, the door opened and her father wandered in. He had a smile on his face that quickly disappeared when he spotted me.

"Why are you in my daughter's bed at six-thirty in the morning?" he scowled.

"Oh, relax, Dad," Alice said, rolling her eyes. "He is fully clothed in his _school robes_. He had just stopped by after getting ready in his own bedroom. Nothing to worry about here."

Neville's eyes narrowed. "Believe me when I say there's always something to worry about when it comes to James Potter."

I'm not embarrassed to admit that I took pride in that.

"Yeah, I get that a lot," I said with a mere shrug.

Neville sighed. "Do you mind crawling out of my daughter's bed, James?"

That sounded like an awful idea until I realized it was slightly creepy to be lying in bed with my girlfriend while her father looked on. So I obliged.

"I feel like I need to thank you, Neville," I said as I pulled myself off the bed.

He looked at me. "I'm afraid to ask why."

"Well, you are half responsible for bringing this lovely lady into my life eighteen years ago, are you not?"

I noticed Alice smile out of the corner of my eye but I was looking at Neville with a goofy grin so didn't acknowledge it. Neville, on the other hand, appeared uncertain how to respond to that. "I really wish you were an easy person to hate, James," he said with a small shake of the head, his lips twitching upwards.

I shrugged. "Well, you could probably ask Jessup or Pruitt for tips if you're really that interested."

I could tell he was trying really hard not to laugh at that. "I'll keep that in mind," he said with an attempted straight face before walking around the frame of the bed and planting a kiss on top of Alice's head. "Happy Birthday, sweetheart. My gift to you is kicking your boyfriend out of the room. How would you like that wrapped?"

" _Daddy_ ," Alice whined, though even I couldn't help but laugh.

"I'm partial to pink bows myself," I said with a grin.

Neville pointed to the door. "Out."

" _Dad_."

"I'm going," I laughed, holding my hands up innocently. "I'll see you down at breakfast, Ace. And Happy Birthday."

"You don't have to go just because my father is kicking you out," she argued, shooting her father a stern look.

"Oh, no, I do. There's an unwritten rule that the boyfriend has to leave a room when the father of that boyfriend's girlfriend kicks him out of said room. It's a guy thing. Well, no, actually, it's an I-don't-want-to-be-murdered today thing," I said with a mere shrug.

Neville grinned triumphantly while Alice rolled her eyes. Meanwhile, I winked at her and left the two of them alone.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

So as not to have to worry about heating the Quidditch pitch for yet another party, we elected to use the Room of Requirement. This also made it easier to keep people out that we did not want there.

Or so I thought until my brother wandered in with Reese.

"What the hell is he doing here?" I grumbled under my breath as I downed the firewhisky in my hands.

Fred and Jax turned towards the door before turning back. "Er…is this the right time to tell you that Rose invited Albus to the party?" Jax murmured with a sheepish grin.

I glared at him. "Dammit, Bloch, you're supposed to be taming your woman."

He snorted. "Right, like Rose Weasley has ever been tamable."

"I need another drink," I grumbled. "And where the hell is Alice?"

"Dancing with Rudy. She's evidently stepping out on you, mate," Fred responded. "Aren't you supposed to be taming your woman, Jameso?"

I shot him a look as he and Jax pealed into laughter. "Why does he even want to be here?" I growled, my eyes narrowing as my brother greeted Rose with a smile. "It's not like he's big on the partying scene and I would have assumed avoiding me was in his better interest."

Jax and Fred exchanged a look. "Why would avoiding you be in his better interest?" Fred asked cautiously.

Oh, no reason, only because I told him he wasn't a brother to me and I'd be happy never having to speak to him again.

"Isn't it always?" I growled instead, quickly taking off towards the drink table before either one of them could question me on my brother any further.

I poured myself another firewhisky with a splash of cola when I felt a presence behind me. Glancing over my shoulder, I grinned as Alice wrapped her arms around my torso from behind, pressing a kiss to my shoulder blade.

"Hi, gorgeous," I said, grabbing her hand and squeezing it.

I whirled around in her arms and swiftly captured her lips with mine. "You having a good birthday?" I asked, brushing a stray hair off her face.

She nodded. "Yes, thank you for this."

"Oh, no, thank the Hufflepuffs and their upcoming performance. They really inspired tonight's party," I teased.

Her eyebrow shot up. "Gee, that makes me feel so warm and special inside."

I laughed and kissed her again. "You're special to me, Ace Longbottom."

She smiled shyly. "You're so cute sometimes."

" _Only sometimes_?"

She rolled her eyes, but a chuckle also escaped.

"Is that why you're off dancing with Rudeness Frankel?" I pouted. "Because you find him cute sometimes, too?"

She rolled her eyes. "One, that is the most uncreative nickname for anyone you've ever come up with," she drawled. "And two, yes."

I fake gasped which had us both laughing.

"On an entirely different note, is that your _brother_ in the corner talking to Rose?" she asked.

I scowled. "Yes. How would you feel about kicking him out?"

"Not great."

I hesitated. "So what I'm hearing is that you're not completely against it?"

I tried ducking but her hand made contact with the back of my head. "In case it doesn't get said enough, you're a prat."

"Oh, it gets said plenty," I responded with a goofy grin, wrapping my arm around her shoulders. "Now, c'mon, little lady, let's dance the night away."

She grinned, grabbed my hand, and dragged me towards the dance floor. We had only been there for two songs when a ripple of laughter had the entire room glancing towards the door.

The Hufflepuff Quidditch team has arrived.

Wearing grass skirts and coconut bras.

Yes, including Lionel.

I'm fairly certain the laughter in the room lasted an hour.

Maybe even two.

"I will get you back for this, Potter" was how Kye greeted me, but I was too busy holding on to the drink table for balance while tears stung my eyes to respond.

"Well, I definitely quit the team at the right time," Ryleigh said in between her own giggles.

"Any chance you could steal one of those outfits for later?" Fred whispered in her ear with an impish smile, pressing a kiss to her exposed neck.

My eyebrow shot up, glancing at Alice to my right. I opened my mouth but she cut me off. "I'm not wearing a coconut bra for you later, Jay."

I grinned sheepishly and turned my attention back on to the Hufflepuff team. "You know what time it is, Tannehill?"

"Time for me to kill you?"

"Nope," I laughed. "Time for you to get your dance on."

The music started and instantly, another round of laughter filled the room as someone turned up the music, to the point where we could hardly hear ourselves think, and the Hufflepuffs began to dance.

I missed half of their dance because I was laughing so hard, though I did find myself rather impressed with the skill in the choreography. The Hufflepuffs had clearly put actual time and effort into coming up with a routine and practicing it, which I supposed shouldn't have surprised me as Hufflepuffs never did anything halfway.

We were all singing along and cheering them on by the end. Stealing a glance towards Alice, I saw she was beaming and I patted myself on the back for coming up with such creative bet terms.

The Hufflepuffs bowed while we all applauded and Kye called out, "Happy Birthday, Longbottom. Don't expect this every year."

She laughed and gave a thumbs-up to the other Quidditch team before they all made a beeline towards the exit to presumably change into some real clothes.

"Well, I think it's official," Alice said with a smile. "Best birthday ever."

I looked at her and grinned. "I'm glad to hear it," I said with a nod. "And now, we will drink and dance the night away until our feet are sore and our minds are numb. What do you say, Ace?"

"I say we have Quidditch practice tomorrow morning at six so are you sure that's wise?"

I hesitated. "Correction: we will drink in moderation and dance for a reasonable amount of time until we take to our beds for a full six hours of sleep, well-rested for our final practice before Saturday's match."

"Wow, you actually just made a party sound lame," Fred spoke up with a shake of the head.

I flipped him off and with a grin, grabbed Alice's hand and dragged her on to the dance floor. "We still have two hours to midnight," I told her, twirling her around. "Let's make it count."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

We didn't drink in moderation, we danced for far longer than anticipated, and we definitely didn't make it to bed by midnight. It took everything inside of me to crawl out of bed the next morning.

I should have been angrier about it or at least annoyed that I was hungover for our last practice before the match, especially knowing I wouldn't be the only one at practice with a hangover, but I knew that we had already worked incredibly hard over the past few weeks and one practice wasn't going to make or break us.

I hope.

"You really need to stop planning early morning practices the day after a party," Fred groaned as the two of us wandered into the clubhouse.

I shrugged, wincing as a shooting pain scorched my mind. "My head is pounding."

"That would be those shots of halo-gin you insisted on taking at one o'clock in the morning."

"Why did I think that was a good idea?"

"I literally have no clue, mate."

As we pushed our way into the Gryffindor locker room, only getting groans as a greeting, I scanned the room and saw that everyone was there except for Jax.

"Oy, where's that boyfriend of yours, Rosie?" I asked.

She lifted her head from the bench she was sprawled out across with a shrug. "Couldn't tell you. I lost track of him around two in the morning."

I rolled my eyes and made my way over to the bench Alice was perched on. I leaned over to kiss her cheek. "How you feeling?"

"Hey, remember when I said last night that that was the best party ever?" she muttered. "I take it back."

"Oy, that party was great. It's the morning after that isn't."

"Shhh, will you two stop yelling?" Hugo whined.

"Ah, Hangover Hugo, my favorite version of you, kiddo," I teased, wincing again as another jolt of agony seared through the back of my head.

"Next time we throw an epic party like last night's, I say we cancel practice," Lily muttered.

"This is our last practice before the match," I reminded her. "I couldn't cancel it."

"What is one more practice really going to do?" Cass questioned.

She wasn't wrong, especially since I had the same thought, but I still rolled my eyes and said, "The team spirit in this room appears to be at an all-time low."

"That's just our hangovers talking," Fred muttered as he dropped to the floor with a groan.

I rolled my eyes as the door to the locker room opened and in wandered Jax, looking far too giddy for my taste. "Say you love me, Potter," he said.

My eyebrow popped upward. "You're not my type, Bloch."

He chuckled and held up what appeared to be a thermos. "What I've got in here is an entire vat full of pepperup potion."

That had everyone suddenly alert. "I take it back, you are so my type," I spoke with a goofy grin, scrambling over to him.

With a grin, he handed it to me.

The mug was passed around until we all took a nice big gulp. "Alright, that should cheer us up," I spoke to the team. "And now it's time for my usual we-must-beat-the-Slytherins-on-Saturday-or-I-will-make-you-all-run-laps-for-the-rest-of-your-lives speech."

Groans fell from my teammates' lips. "For Merlin's sake, can you at least wait until the pepperup potion kicks in?" Fred whined.

"I just need to make sure you all know the stakes," I drawled.

"We do," Alice said with a nod. "If we win this match, that almost guarantees us a spot in the finals. Losing makes it slightly more difficult, though not impossible. There. Stakes have been uttered."

I rolled my eyes. "I think it's slightly more complicated than _that_."

"No," Jax argued, "It really isn't. So how about instead of talking about the stakes, we just get on to that pitch and start practicing because I don't think I can take another longwinded speech of yours."

I shot him a look. "Looks like someone will be starting practice with ten laps."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"Good luck today, Potter. We're rooting for you."

I glanced over my shoulder as Penny Briggs wandered down the stairs with Quinn and Roxanne. "Why?" I drawled.

The three of them exchanged a look. "The proper response to that is usually 'thank you,'" Roxanne spoke.

I rolled my eyes at my cousin. "Yeah, and when have I ever been proper?"

She smirked. "Good point," Roxanne said with a shrug of her shoulders. "And to clarify, I'm not actually rooting for you today, I'm just rooting against the Slytherins."

I glanced at her. "Ah, hoping for a Ravenclaw-Gryffindor final, are you?"

"Not really but you beating Slytherin will mean we have a better chance at being in the final even if we do somehow lose to Slytherin next month," she replied. "But otherwise I'm impartial to who we wind up playing in the finals."

"Well, _someone_ is confident in her team's ability," I drawled. "Which is odd considering the dim-witted oaf that is your Captain."

Roxanne rolled her eyes. "Gryffindor's Captain is just as much of a dim-witted oaf if you ask me," she muttered, slipping past me towards the Great Hall.

"Good thing I didn't ask!" I called after her. I was not surprised when she ignored me.

Quinn quickly followed after her roommate but Penny lagged behind, a coy smile on her face. "For the record, it's not just Slytherin I'm rooting against. I'll be rooting for you out there, too."

I sighed. "How many times do I have to tell you to stop flirting with me before you actually do it?"

She chuckled, unfazed by my clear exasperation. "Only time will tell I suppose," she said, winking at me before disappearing into the Great Hall.

"What did Briggs want?"

I jumped, whirling around as Alice came up behind me. "That girl is driving me up a wall. I'm thinking of hexing her mouth shut. Any chance that as Head Girl you could just look the other way?"

Alice laughed. "Ignore her and focus on the match instead," she suggested, linking her arm in mine.

I made a face. "That's not much better," I muttered.

She nudged me with her elbow. "Relax, Jay. We're going to win today. I can feel it."

"Oy, watch what you say, Ace, you're jinxing it!"

She rolled her eyes while steering me into the Great Hall. "Has anyone ever told you that you may take Quidditch a tad too seriously?"

"Pretty much everyone I meet."

The rest of our team was already there unusually quiet as they chewed their breakfast. I dropped on to the bench beside my sister and got a murmur of greetings from them all before they went back to their silence.

"Wow, I've never seen the Gryffindor table so quiet," I commented.

"Heard," Rose said.

"What?"

"You've never _heard_ the Gryffindor table so quiet. You can't see quiet, you hear it."

I stared at her. "Are you really giving me a lesson on the five senses right now?"

"No, I'm giving you a lesson on twosenses."

I blinked. "Do you always have to be so politically correct?"

"Yes. Want a scone?" she said, shoving the plate of scones towards me.

I took one and glanced around at my team. "Look, I know I've been shoving down your throats how important winning this match is, but don't freak out now just because the match is two hours away. We've done everything we can in practice and we'll do everything we can on that pitch today. We're prepared for this. And win or lose, I'm proud of this team and the challenges we have all overcome. We are stronger now than we've ever been. So stop looking so morbid and start smiling because even though you may be nervous about today, I'm not. I believe in you. I believe in us. And so should all of you."

The entire team was looking at me with mixed emotions, some of shock and some of fascination.

"Were those actual words of encouragement?" Jax spoke in awe, shaking his head at me.

I rolled my eyes. "Yes."

"Okay, one question," Fred said, peering at me through narrowed eyes, "Are you some cheery Hufflepuff on Polyjuice or a metamorphmagus?"

"Maybe someone slipped him a Euphoria Elixir," Jax contemplated.

"I believe it's called the Elixir to Induce Euphoria," Rose corrected.

"Okay, is now really the time?" he whined.

I rolled my eyes. "I am not someone else on Polyjuice and I'm not a metamorphmagus transformed into James nor have I had any Euphoria Elixir today, so-"

"Elixir to Induce Euphoria," Rose mumbled.

I glared at her. "Don't make me smash a scone in your hair."

"Ohhh, there's the James we've always known!" Lily teased.

Rolling my eyes, I said, "And this is precisely why I never say nice things about you all. Eat your damned breakfast and let's get down to the pitch, alright?"

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I know I told the team to not be nervous but as we stood in the clubhouse foyer waiting for our names to be called, I felt all kinds of butterflies in my stomach. My confidence in my skills and the skills of my teammates usually dispelled those butterflies, but not today. Slytherin had proven too many times in the past that they had a way of beating us even if I did consider Gryffindor the better team. And though I had given the team my usual speech about how even though I was aware winning wasn't supposed to be everything, a win today would really solidify our potential spot in the finals.

That and I _really_ wanted to beat my brother.

There was a lot I hated or at least claimed to hate but losing to my brother might win the award of the thing I hated the most. The upperhand was always something I craved with anyone and Albus was no exception. He knew exactly how to push my buttons, whether intentional or not, and beating me on the pitch that we both knew I thrived on was the easiest way to rile me up. So I prayed for the sake of everyone around me that we won because I was certain that I wouldn't be able to handle any sort of gloating I knew Albus would do.

I felt an elbow to my abdomen and turned to my right. Alice smiled at me and said, "We've got this, remember?"

It was only four words but somehow that calmed the nerves in my stomach. I smiled down at her and said, "Let's show everyone what we're made of, shall we?"

Our cheers were drowned out by Dash's voice booming throughout the stadium. "Ladies and gentlemen, students and professors, friends and family, welcome to the fifth game of the year and it is certainly going to be an epic one as House rivals, Gryffindor and Slytherin, gear up for a Quidditch slaughtering!"

"Dramatic much?" Rose snorted behind me.

"What we've got today is a rematch of last year's finals," Dash spoke, "And if you all recall, Slytherin took home the win in that final with a surprise snatching of the snitch right underneath Sadie Bishop's nose."

"Oh, fuck, did he really have to go and dredge up that history?" I groaned.

Dash continued. "Maybe what Gryffindor needs is a new seeker, which we welcome today in the form of noneother than the Captain's younger sister, Lily Potter!"

Cheers erupted in the stands and as I glanced over my shoulder at Lily, I laughed as she rolled her eyes. "Oh, gee, is that all I am? The Captain's younger sister?" she grumbled.

"I'm surprised the press didn't splash an article across their front page of all this nepotism happening on our team," Jax teased.

"Don't you go and give them any ideas, Bloch," Fred scoffed.

I laughed and tuned back into Dash's words.

"So why don't we get this bad boy started by introducing the Slytherin team!" Dash cried out. "Let's first welcome Reese Greengrass to the field, your fierce and fiery keeper! A combination that apparently caught the eye of your Slytherin Captain, Albus, for if the rumor is true, we've got a new relationship blossoming on the Slytherin team."

Alice looked horrified beside me but Fred and I were overwhelmed by laughter.

"Did he just-"

"Publicly out Reese and Al?" I smirked. "Oh, yes."

Fred looked at me and burst into laughter again. "Oh, I hope this throws them off their game."

"They're not even dating!" Rose cried out, fuming. " _I am going to kill Dash later_!"

"Not if my brother or Reese beat you to the punch," I laughed.

Outside the clubhouse, Dash continued. "Next, let's welcome your beaters to the field, Logan Hutch and Scorpius Malfoy! Malfoy refused to comment on the budding romance between his cousin and best friend when approached by yours truly."

"Oh, I hope Malfoy punched him in the face," Rose grumbled.

"And now let's invite the chasers on to the pitch, the lovely Hattie Wilkes who has just recently confirmed a relationship with your Head Boy, Rudy Frankel, so let's all extend a hearty congratulations to the pair."

I felt all eyes on me. "Did you know it was official?" Fred asked me.

I shrugged. It was strange to think that just three months earlier, I was asking Hattie out and now, she was nothing but a dot in my rearview mirror. "No, but it has nothing to do with me so why should I care?"

Glancing towards Alice, I smiled at her and just because I could, leaned over to give her a quick kiss. I had clearly caught her off-guard for she stumbled backwards with a surprised laugh.

"Next, we've got Kat Lexington who only said 'I'm happy for them' when questioned about her ex-boyfriend and his new keeper girlfriend."

"Oh, you have got to be bloody kidding me!" Rose groaned.

"Next," Dah spoke, "Let's welcome your Captain of the team, the very chaser allegedly dating his keeper, noneother than _Albus Severus Potter_!"

Other than Rose whose hands were in tight balls and whose face was livid, the rest of us couldn't contain our laughter.

"And as for your seeker, it is my pleasure to introduce the beautiful and talented Isla Zabini, who simply told me to bugger off when I tried to ask her about her cousin's romantic life."

The stands erupted in cheers as the last of the Slytherin players were announced, but as my team was doubled over in laughter, we barely took notice.

"And now it is my distinct honor to welcome to the pitch _the Gryffindors_!"

Loud cheers filled the stands as Dash laughed into the mic. "Let's first welcome one of the biggest surprises of the year, Gryffindor's keeper, the beautiful and talented _Cass Rollins_!"

She saluted us before mounting her broom and taking to the sky.

"Next, we've got your two incredible beaters, the muscle of the group, Jackson Bloch, and it is my pleasure to welcome Fred Weasley back to the pitch after a brief hiatus for breaking the infamous Quidditch Code—wave to your boyfriend, Ryleigh!"

Fred let out a loud groan and reluctantly followed Jax on to the pitch while the rest of us laughed at his expense.

"And now let's introduce your three incredible chasers, CJ Wood, Alice Longbottom, and your Captain, James Potter, the latter two who are shockingly dating after eighteen years of friendship and even more shocking, _they're actually lasting_ , can you believe it?"

Alice and I both rolled out eyes but followed it up with laughter before mounting our brooms and zooming off into the air with CJ right behind us.

"And last but certainly not least, your brand-new, first-time, cute as a button but don't underestimate her because she's a stealthy shark in a redhead's clothing, _Lily Luna Potter_!"

I saw Lily chuckle as she, too, took to the sky. We all circled the field, doing our usual waving and cheering before taking our formations on the field.

"I want a nice, clean match," Madam Hooch begged. "D'you hear me?"

I met my brother's gaze across from me and shrugged. "Yeah, like that's happening," I growled under my breath.

Madam Hooch turned to me sharply. "What did you say, Mister Potter?"

I looked at her and then at my brother. "Which Mister Potter are you referring to? You're going to have to be more specific seeing as there are two of us on the field."

I heard CJ stifling a laugh behind me as Madam Hooch used that time to glare at me. "Do you want a penalty before the match even starts, _Mister Potter_?"

I grinned sheepishly. "In other news, you're looking radiant today."

She didn't look amused by that, her eyes narrowing. "Just shake hands, Captains, okay?"

Reluctantly, Albus and I flew towards each other. He extended his hand first and I stared at it before grudgingly shaking it. "You're going down," I growled.

"Those words might mean a lot more if I wasn't always beating you on this pitch," he retorted before turning his back on me and flying off.

It was times like these I wish I was a beater just so I could pummel my brother with bludgers.

But that's what I have best mates for.

"Hey, Fred, pummel my jackass of a brother with bludgers as much as you can today, won't you?" I muttered to my cousin who grinned and saluted me.

I took my spot on the pitch and waited for the whistle to blow and the quaffle to be shot into the air. When it did, I was proud to say I got to it a half-second before Albus did.

 _Take that, brother spawn._

"AND THE TEAMS ARE OFF!" Dash's voice cried out. "And it's Potter—er, make that James Potter with the quaffle, narrowly avoiding a collision with his brother as he veers to the right. He tosses the quaffle to Longbottom who just misses a bludger and throws it back to Pott—James. Dammit, this is going to be complicated. Especially considering we have three Potters on the field tonight. That's right, folks, we have the entire Potter family representing today and damn do they all know how to fly! James fakes right and throws the quaffle to CJ who…ooh, and a Greengrass save!"

Dammit.

"But quaffle drops into the hands of Longbottom who snakes it away from Lexington, who looks rather angry at the moment. Wonder if it's because she got the quaffle stolen out of her hands or if it's because her ex-boyfriend is involved with someone else. One can only guess!"

Okay, it was amusing to start with. Now I was finding it annoying.

"Longbottom throws to Wood! Wood…to Pot—James! James barely ducks a bludger and tosses the quaffle back to Wood who…HE SCORES! Gryffindor is on the board 10-0."

I pumped my fist into the air and shouted, "Nice shot, Wood!"

I expected the match to be somewhat of a bloodbath and it didn't disappoint. Bludgers were taking out players and brooms left and right. Fred's aggressive nature somehow got even more intense, perhaps because it had been so long since he got to use it, and the Slytherins were bleeding and aching because of it. Hattie's knee was a canvas of red blood, the back of Albus' broom was splintered, and Kat had been hit in the same arm three times now, though amazingly enough, it wasn't broken. Scorpius and Logan Hutch fought back with a vengeance and I had the bruises on my arm to prove it. Alice's ear was bleeding from a very well-placed bludger and CJ's leg was bent in a way that a leg shouldn't bend. But we were all still toughing it out and were ahead 100-60.

After watching Alice get hit with another bludger, I called for a timeout and Hooch granted it.

I flew off towards the bench and the rest of the team touched down around me. "I was hoping by Dash outing Al and Greengrass, they'd be off their game but they're either not bothered by it or they're using all of their aggression with him on the pitch," I muttered. "They're all playing hard but the thing is, we are playing harder. We are outshooting them and we have more points on the board because of it. They keep dropping the quaffle thanks to our aggressive beaters and the ones they don't, Cass is saving. I'm proud of the game we are playing."

When I said nothing more, Fred chimed in. "Dude, this is the reason you called a bloody timeout? To _praise_ us?"

I rolled my eyes at him. "We may have excellent beaters, but they do, too. Ace, CJ, and I are getting nailed out there. I thought our limbs could use a little break," I drawled. Turning towards CJ, I said, "That leg of yours could be broken. You should really get medical treatment for it."

"I'll get it after the match," he urged with a shrug. "It's not like I need my leg to throw a quaffle."

"Are you sure?" I asked hesitantly. "We have a reserve for a reason."

Rose blinked. "Oh, gee, you make it sound so much fun out there when you talk about the other team _nailing you with bludgers_."

I shot her a look. "Dude, you shagged Malfoy. I'm sure he'd go easy on you."

That earned me a glare from Rose and a slap to the head from Jax. " _Dude_ , could you not bring that up?" he grumbled.

"And you don't know Malfoy at all if you think he'd go easy on me just because we once fooled around," Rose shot back.

"Yeah, I'd really like to stop talking about this now," Jax groaned.

"It doesn't matter what Malfoy would or wouldn't do," CJ spoke up, raising his voice at us. " _I'm playing_."

I shrugged. "Alright, well, let's continue to do what we're doing and you keep a lookout for that snitch, Lils. We have a good amount of points racked up so we're in a good place for you to catch that snitch and bring home the win."

She nodded and I could see the nerves in her eyes. I was going to tell her to relax but was cut off by the sound of Madam Hooch's whistle.

"PLAYERS TO THE FIELD!"

I reached over to squeeze my sister's shoulder before mounting my broom and disappearing into the sky.

"Ouch, and another bludger to the younger Potter! Er…the younger _male_ Potter. Dangit, you know who I'm talking about!" Dash said as Albus got a bludger to the abdomen by Fred.

I yelled out, "Nice one, Freddo!"

He gave me a thumbs-up before zooming off in the other direction.

"We have got ourselves a game here today, folks," Dash continued. "Gryffindor appears to have the slightest edge, the score now 120-90 but the Slytherins aren't giving up! I have a feeling a lot of these players will be limping off the field but the various bludger hits don't seem to be affecting anyone's drive to win! Oh! Longbottom steals the quaffle right from underneath Slytherin Potter and zooms off towards the hoops, not a bludger in sight! She shifts left, jerks right, and…and in a surprise move, tosses the quaffle to Gryffindor Potter—James, that is—and… _he scores_! We are now at 130-90!"

I beamed as Alice came around to high-five me. "We're killing it!" she called out and I couldn't help but agree.

Thinking back to my horrible performance in the Hufflepuff match, I knew we had all come a long way. I had been in a really bad place at the time of that game and I had let it affect my every move on the pitch, but today, I felt unstoppable. I felt as if I was proving to myself and to the world that this was what I was meant to do. That Quidditch was my only path in life. Every goal I scored, I felt vindicated. I couldn't stop smiling and as I glanced around at my teammates doing their every part to ensure success, I felt proud of the team we had become.

 _"And Zabini sees the snitch!_ "

I jerked my head up and scanned the pitch. Sure enough, Isla was racing towards the snitch. The snitch that just so happened to be all the way across the field from where Lily was.

No, no, no, no, no.

This couldn't be happening.

I saw the fear and determination in Lily's eyes as she twisted her broom around and dashed across the field at lightning speed. She was like a comet in the sky, a ghostly phenomenon that made her look like a superhuman blur through the clouds. The entire pitch froze, both teams stopping to watch the ending unfold. The only players still playing the game were the seekers and the beaters as Fred aimed a perfectly-placed bludger directly in Isla's path. She had to swerve and I felt my heart race at the prospect that if it veered her enough off-course that maybe, _just maybe_ my sister could catch up.

Lily was too fast for the bludger that Logan sent at her. She zoomed past the one Scorpius shot at her. Jax just missed the end of Isla's broom. Fred couldn't get back around to hit another.

Isla had a small lead on Lily but my sister was coming up behind the Slytherin fast. I could feel myself holding my breath and before I knew it, I felt Alice at my side, both of our eyes wide with hope and anxiety. Dash had stopped announcing. The chasers let the quaffle fall to the ground. The crowd grew quiet in anticipation.

And then a hand went up in the air with the snitch enfolded.

A hand that did not belong to my sister.

While the Slytherin side of the stadium erupted in cheers and their team came together to celebrate, my heart sank straight into my stomach. I felt frozen in time, the world suddenly moving around me in slow motion, as I watched Isla wave the snitch around in the air as if she was taunting me. I was shocked and upset and angry but most of all, I just felt numb. I had actually believed that we were going to win. After everything our team went through, all of the ups and the downs and the many changes, I thought we were in a better place than we ever had been before and I was certain, _I was convinced in every bit of my heart_ , that that win was going to be ours.

And perhaps that was exactly the reason why I never allowed myself to have expectations. Because almost always, they only ever found a way to let me down.

It'd be easier to hate or resent my sister for not being able to catch that snitch but I knew it had been a longshot the moment I realized the snitch was clear across the field. And yet, I had still allowed myself some sort of hope that she could perform a miracle. She didn't but I could hardly blame her for that.

I wondered for one insecure moment if Sadie could have performed that miracle. I wouldn't say she was faster than my sister but she was certainly more strategic.

I shook that thought away almost immediately for I knew my sister wasn't to blame for this. It was just the luck of the draw. And once again, I proved to be very unlucky.

"Jay."

I glanced to my left as Alice cautiously made her way to my side, the concern wavering in her periwinkle eyes. I turned away from her with a sigh just to catch the large grin on my brother's face underneath us as he dismounted his broom and immediately threw his arms around Isla with a loud cheer.

Fuck him. Fuck her. Fuck the Slytherins. _Fuck, fuck, fuck_.

Those were the words I ranted through my mind as I fled towards the clubhouse, ignoring Alice's cries behind me. I knew she was going to try to come up with words to make me feel better, but in that moment, all I wanted to do was fume and seethe in peace.

I've been angry and upset over losses in the past, last year's final certainly coming to mind, but this loss seemed to hurt the most. Maybe it was because my relationships with the people around me were so unsteady, or even nonexistent, at this point that I had thrown my life into Quidditch, needing and wanting a win as some sort of backwards way of bringing me any kind of happiness, but evidently my life had an entirely different plan for me. One that included yet another heartbreak.

I just couldn't catch a goddamned break, could I?

I was nearly at the clubhouse door when I heard the most unpleasant voice behind me. "I would have caught that snitch."

Stiffening, I turned around and settled my glare on a smug-looking Sadie Bishop. "Oh, like the one you caught in last year's final against Slytherin?" I sneered.

Her face grew red, though whether it was out of rage or embarrassment I couldn't be sure. "Don't pretend you're not wondering if I could have caught that snitch if I was still your seeker. I know that thought has crossed your mind," she snapped at me.

It obviously had but I wasn't about to let her know that. "Hey, remind me, Bishop, how many times did you catch the snitch against Slytherin in the three games you played against them? Oh, that's right, _once_."

"And how many times has your sister caught a snitch against the Slytherins?" she smirked. "Oh, that's right, _none."_

"Oh, go fuck yourself, Bishop," I snapped at her.

She looked slightly stunned that I had the audacity to say that to her which I found sick pleasure in. "Jeez, bitter much?" she sneered.

I laughed. "You think that was me being bitter? No, Bishop, that was me finally saying what I've wanted to say to you for years now," I smirked, shaking my head in amusement. "You called us all selfish but who walked away from this team? _You did_. And maybe you thought you were putting us at a disadvantage, maybe you thought we'd come crawling back to you begging for your return, maybe you thought we'd realize how much we needed you, but the rather blunt truth is, you are nothing more than a self-serving narcissist who doesn't care about anything or anyone but herself and frankly, our team is so much better off without you. We may have gone through a rough patch but we've all come out of it stronger and more determined than ever, and what's even better, _we are far more united than we ever were with you._ So yeah, did we lose today? Unfortunately, but we were the better team out there and you know it. We are not out of it yet. We will be going to the finals and when my sister, who is in fact a better seeker than you are for the sole reason that she is a goddamned _team_ _player_ , catches that bloody snitch in that final game and she holds it over her head while we all cheer with an overwhelming amount of joy and pride as we prove to everyone that Gryffindor is _the best bloody team in the school_ , I can't wait to turn to you, smile smugly, and say 'I bloody told you so.'"

And just for good measure, I flipped her off right before storming into the clubhouse. I let out an exasperated cry and tossed my broom at the row of lockers just because I could.

"Well, insulting Bishop is certainly one way of taking out your frustrations from the game."

I glanced over my shoulder as Fred strolled in, quickly followed by the rest of the team. I saw the disappointment and the regret in their eyes, the same emotions I knew rested in mine, but I also saw fear staring back at me. Fear of what I was about to say or do. Fear of my reaction. Fear of my feedback and criticism.

Looking at their nervous faces, I suddenly felt an attack of guilt in my already broken heart for I had gotten so caught up in my rivalry with my brother that I had managed to actually drag my teammates into my own conflicts. I could see on their faces that this wasn't just any other loss to them. They felt it just like I did. But only because I had turned this from just another game into _the_ game. And that wasn't fair to them to drag them into my own personal issues.

I dropped on to the bench in front of me, struggling to find the right words to say. The anger I had previously felt gave way to nothing but regret but it wasn't regret for the loss or for my teammates. It was regret for how I handled the match altogether.

"I'm not frustrated," I lied. "At least not with you guys. We did our best. We did better than our best. I meant what I said to bloody Bishop. We were the better team out there. Everyone could see it. The only reason we lost is because the snitch just happened to fly closer to Isla than Lily."

The team all looked around at each other, clearly unconvinced, before Jax spoke. "Doesn't make losing any easier," he murmured.

Oh, no, I absolutely love losing to my brother. It's my favorite thing in the world.

"We're not out of it," I responded pleadingly because even though I wanted to scream and pout, I knew I had to find a way to keep our team's spirit we had alive. Or at least what was left of it. "Not even close. We are, what, roughly two hundred points ahead of Slytherin and Ravenclaw?"

"Two hundred and ten ahead of Slytherin, one hundred and ninety ahead of Ravenclaw," Rose spoke.

Fred let out a low whistle. "Damn, that was fast math."

She shrugged.

"Okay, so either way, that is a lotof points that both Slytherin and Ravenclaw will have to score at their last match and it's not as if both teams can catch the snitch. One team has to lose. And not a single losing team this year has scored over one hundred and sixty points. So we have a really good shot at making the finals," I said.

I almost believed it myself.

Almost.

But when has anything ever gone my way?

"Except both Slytherin and Ravenclaw are going to be gunning for a high score to ensure their spot in the finals," Fred murmured.

Thank you for that, Fred.

The frustration welled up inside my heart once more and I could feel myself teetering on the edge of a collapsible cliff, the anger at my brother and the disappointment in myself threatening to escape in a way I did not want or need my teammates to be witness to.

"Thanks for the reminder, Fred," I spoke rather coolly, picking myself off the bench. "You're all dismissed. Team Meeting in Clock Tower tomorrow night. Don't be late."

I grabbed a towel out of my locker and took off towards the shower before anyone could get in another word.

The locker room grew quiet then as we all took our usual quick showers, got dressed, and left the clubhouse one-by-one. None of us had much interest in talking to each other, the loss weighing heavily on all of our minds. I was the first into the shower and the first out, happy to avoid any further conversation with my teammates as I quickly walked out of the clubhouse before Alice could try to stop me.

If I had known who was waiting for me outside, I would have gladly taken Alice any day.

"James."

I stiffened, jerking my head up as Mum made her way towards me.

Just when I thought today couldn't get any worse.

"I'm not really in the mood to talk, Mum," I practically pleaded.

"Yeah, well, maybe if you hadn't failed to respond to my last seven letters, I wouldn't be here right now."

I looked at her. "It wasn't that I failed to respond, Mum, it was that I didn't read them at all," I drawled.

She managed to look both surprised and unsurprised at the same time. If I wasn't desperately trying to coming up with an escape plan in my head, I might have been impressed.

"Well," she spoke softly, "Since you evidently have an aversion to reading them, why don't I just tell you what they said now?"

Now was _hardly_ the best time for that.

"Why bother? I already know what they-"

"I'm worried about you, James. You're angry and upset all the time and I can't figure out if you're taking it out on the rest of us or if we all did something to make you that way and therefore deserve some backlash. But until you let me in, until you tell me what it is we all did, I can't fix it. I can't help you. And all I want right now it to help you find a way to be happy again."

I was both shocked and annoyed with my mother's rather accurate analysis of my recent behavior. But I didn't need her to fix my problems. I couldn't possibly ask anyone to do that for I lived in a fucked-up world of never-ending problems and disappointments and it was now suddenly very clear to me that that was the world I'd be forced to forever live in.

"You know what would make me happy?" I drawled. "Walking away from this conversation so is there anything in particular you wanted to discuss or could I get back to the castle now?"

She turned away, the disappointment evident in the simple gesture. "A mother can't just say hello to her son she hasn't heard from in over a month?"

"You didn't just come over here to say 'hello,'" I spoke back through gritted teeth.

I was surprised when she said nothing, her eyes taking me in slowly and decidedly. She looked hesitant, confused almost, as if she had no words prepared which caught me slightly off-guard as she never had any problem in the past defending Dad.

"You played a really good game out there" was what she eventually said.

I blinked. "What?"

"I know the outcome wasn't what you would have liked, but you still played a very impressive game, James. You scored six of the thirteen goals yourself and you had other chances to score but you used your teammates to your advantage. Those bludgers were flying around the pitch tonight and you were able to avoid most of them rather masterfully. And it's clear how well your team works together, which is a nod towards your Captain abilities. It's always fascinating watching you in the sky, James. Today was no different."

All I could do was stare at her. "You're talking Quidditch to me right now?"

She looked at me with her usual hesitant eyes. "Well, considering you just finished a match, what else am I supposed to be talking to you about?"

If this was some form of reverse psychology, I refused to take the bait. We both knew she'd love to talk about my latest argument with Dad and yet she was avoiding the very subject. She might have been interested in playing games but the last game I played I lost so I was hardly in the mood for another one.

"Go find Al. He's the one that won that match," I grumbled irritably, trying to sidestep past her and wander up to the castle.

Not so surprising, she slid in front of me to stop me from going anywhere. The look she gave me, one of disappointment and regret and confusion all rolled into one overwhelming expression, was one I hadn't seen from her yet. It almost made me feel guilty. Almost.

"I miss talking to you, James," she said in an unexpectedly desperate tone. "Remember when we used to do that? Remember when you used to tell me things? When you used to let me in? I know that your relationship with your brother and with your father are complicated but don't make things complicated between us because of them."

I was surprised by her words, and slightly touched that even though we both knew she wasn't happy with me she still wanted to make things right. And there was a part of me, albeit quite small, that wanted to just reach out and embrace my mother and feel that kind of cocooned comfort that I hadn't experienced in years. I wanted to feel like that kid again who used to run to Mum every time something went wrong, to turn to her to magic away my boo-boos, to make me feel loved in a time I felt very little love from the rest of the world. I wanted to feel like she was proud of me, that she'd always be proud of me even when I do something to make her upset or angry, and I wanted her to stop the ache in my heart and in the pit of my stomach, just like she always used to do when I was a child.

Only, I wasn't a child anymore. I was an eighteen-year-old teenager who just lost yet another match against his brother, the same brother that almost always gave my parents a reason to be proud.

While I've only ever given them reasons to not be.

"Mum, I just lost a match that we really could have used a win on," I spoke, perhaps a bit too desperately. "Now is hardly the time I want to be discussing you or Al or Dad. Or anything really."

She sighed. "I didn't say a thing about your father," she pointed out.

"But you want to," I urged. "I know you do."

Her lips pursed and I couldn't tell if she was angry or upset. Maybe it was a combination of both. "I'm not here on your father's behalf," she spoke softly. "I'm here because of you. Because I know how much you've struggled these past few years, more so these past few months, and I know that I haven't always been there for you or made you believe I was on your side, _but I am here now_. I am here fighting for you because I don't want to lose you, James. And so much of me is afraid that I already have."

I wanted to believe she was there for me. I wanted to believe she was on my side. And maybe she was and I just didn't want to see it or accept it. Maybe it was easier for me to just assume she'd choose Dad's side over mine as a way of throwing up yet another defensive wall, a way of pushing yet another person out of my life before they could find a way to destroy me, too.

Maybe I was just far more fucked up than even I realized.

And maybe there was no maybe about it.

"You haven't lost me, Mum. I'm standing right here," I deflected, deciding that telling her that there was a good chance she might lose me in a few months was not going to get me out of this conversation any faster. "I don't know why you're suddenly so worried about me but I'm fine."

The sadness in her eyes was overwhelming. "No, James, you're not," she murmured, shaking her head, "You're just really good at telling yourself that you are. But you don't have to be 'fine' all the time, James. I don't know what happened between you and your father, I don't know what was said, but it's okay to feel angry and upset and hurt. You're allowed to have feelings, James. And you're allowed to express them."

If that terrible burning sensation in my heart was any indication of what it was like to have feelings, I'd much prefer not to have any at all.

I could feel my emotions starting to boil over, more so than they already were. Of course I felt angry and upset and hurt. I was hurt by Dad for so many things and angry at Albus for knowing what to do and say to get under my skin and I was upset with the world for never seeing me for me. But talking about it wasn't going to change how I felt. It wasn't going to make that ache in my heart go away. And I really hated that Mum actually believed it might.

"Well," I spoke coolly, "So much for not talking about Dad."

Guilt flickered in her sad eyes. "Your father is not perfect, James. He's far from it," she said softly.

And there she goes defending him. As always.

"I see the mistakes he's made with you," she continued. "I see the way he shuts down, the way he pulls back from you, how easy it is for him to make excuses when it comes to his relationship with you. I see a man who doesn't know how to talk to his son and instead of trying, he gave up. And that's not okay, James. It's not. I see how much that hurts you and I understand. I understand that you feel as if your own father doesn't want you or doesn't care. But that's not true, James. _It's not true_. He cares. He just doesn't always know how to express it. That seems to be something you might have unwittingly inherited from him because it's clear that as much as he doesn't know how to talk to you, you also don't know how to talk to him."

I knew she was trying to help, and perhaps her words gave me something to think about, but it just sounded like Mum was offering up a bunch of excuses for him because he wasn't there to do the same. And maybe that was just my biased perception, maybe I was overanalyzing it, maybe I was reading the situation all wrong, and maybe I didn't know how to talk to Dad but I also didn't know how to talk to Mum either.

Or maybe I just didn't want to.

"And there you go once again defending him," I hissed.

She looked both surprised and let down by those words. "Is that really what you think, James? That I only ever defend him and not you? And that that somehow means I care more about him than you?"

Yes.

I felt myself heading dangerously close to a breaking point I didn't even know I had, feeling a sudden weight on my shoulders from not just Dad and Mum but the Quidditch loss, too, and this conversation was only causing the ache in my heart to grow with anxiety and desperation. And Mum couldn't help. No one could.

It would be so easy to tell her how I felt, to ask why it had been so easy for Dad to give up on me and on us, to wonder when the time had come where he had stopped caring. It would be so easy to ask when she started loving him more than me and was I to blame for that or were they. It would be so easy to let her in, to provide her with years worth of insight, to give her the chance to make things better.

Only she couldn't make things better. Things were the way they were for a reason and I had finally just come to the conclusion that there was nothing anyone could do to fix it. So why bother trying?

"You know what, Mum?" I growled, the frustration boiling up inside of me again. "Dad and I are through playing our games with each other, Al and me too now that I think about it, so maybe it's about time you and I just agree to do the same, alright?"

She gaped at me. "What exactly is that supposed to mean?"

I felt seconds from exploding, from taking out my frustrations and aggression on Mum who even though was forcing me to have this conversation also didn't deserve my temper. So I dismissed her before I could say anything else I might regret.

"It means _I am done talking about this_ ," I snapped, spinning on my heel in an attempt to get away.

I should have known it wouldn't work.

"Please don't walk away, James," she pleaded before I could get very far, "Don't shut me out the way you have everyone else."

I stopped short. I should have just walked away without saying anything, should have just left it up in the air, but I needed her to stop reaching out to me, to stop pretending that she cared when I'd only ever be second best to her. I needed to cut ties with her the way I had with Dad and with Albus if I had any chance of one day being happy, of one day being able to quiet the heartbreak in my every vein. I couldn't play these games with her anymore.

And I couldn't play them with myself either.

So I turned around and said in an intentionally condescending way, "Oh, Mum. Don't you get it? Dad and Albus aren't the only people I don't want a relationship with."

And with that, I turned and walked away for good.

I felt guilty for a mere second, knowing that there had been a time where I had felt close to her. Or at least closer to her than some of the other people in my life. She was the one who had always reached out to me, writing constant letters and keeping me informed of her goings-on. At there had once been a time I responded. But slowly, over the past six years, I stopped. I stopped writing to her and at some point, I even stopped reading her letters. I ignored them and I ignored her. Because there was no other logical choice. She was my father's wife first and my mother second. It was the way it had always been and I couldn't pretend that that could someday change when I knew it never would.

As I turned around to sneak a peek at my mother, I felt every bone in my body seize up as I caught sight of her heading towards my father and brother, who were embracing as my father smiled warmly down at him. It was the kind of smile I had never been able to elicit from him myself. I could feel the pride bouncing off his expression even from across the field, could see the happy and close relationship that they had built over time as I watched from the sidelines like the outsider I always was and always would be.

My brother got the win again. He proved to my parents why he would always be superior to me, why I'd always just be the angry boy in the corner looking in on a family he didn't belong to. I wasn't good at much, hardly anything really, but Quidditch was supposed to be my thing and I couldn't even do that right anymore.

It struck me then, a thought I allowed myself to have for only a moment, that I could have very well just played in my last game at Hogwarts.

And losing to my brother might possibly be the worst way to go out.

I thought of the future, of my future in the Quidditch game, and knew that it all was riding on that final. The recruiters were going to be at those finals, watching those in the air display their strongest skillsets and talents and if I wasn't one of those people in the air, my hopes and my dreams of being one of the best professional Quidditch players ever to play the game were going to be in serious jeopardy.

That thought alone was bad enough. But the thought that it could be my brother taking all of that away from me somehow made my heart seize up with even more explosive anger and agony than ever before.

My father glanced up at that moment and did a small doubletake when he caught me staring. I stared back but only because I couldn't seem to look away, an overwhelming ache settling into my already pained heart. Even from afar I could see the hesitance staring back at me. He wiggled his fingers in a way that I believe was intended to be a hello wave but it was awkward and forced, very much the opposite of the way he appeared to be acting around my brother, and all I wanted to do was flee the pitch, hell maybe even the country, and never look back.

My escape plans were momentarily thwarted when I felt a hand on my shoulder.

I nearly jumped, whirling around in frozen regret as I looked into the sad concern in my girlfriend's eyes.

"Everything okay with you and your mother?" Alice asked hesitantly.

"I don't want to talk about her," I managed to choke out for there was a lump the size of a boulder in my throat.

I saw the worry in her eyes, the same kind of worry I had seen in my mother's and I hated her for it. I didn't want to be worried about. I didn't want her pity or her sympathy. I just wanted…

Unfortunately, I didn't know what I wanted. That was the truly annoying part of all of this.

Hesitantly, she asked, "Are you going to say anything to your fath-"

"I don't want to talk about him either," I pleaded.

More worry. More pity. More sympathy.

"Jay," she spoke softly and I knew she was about to say something I wouldn't want to hear. "I know you're probably beating yourself up a bit over the loss, but-"

"And I really don't want to talk about Quidditch," I begged, shaking my head furiously at her. "I…I just don't want to talk about anything right now."

She took a step towards me, a worried frown tugging at the end of her lips. "Okay," she said, slipping her hand in mine. "Well, how about we go back to my room and find ways to entertain ourselves that don't include talking?"

Once upon a time, I would have jumped at her offer. I would have grabbed her arm, dragged her up to her bedroom, and allowed myself to get lost in physical intimacy. I would have used her as a distraction, spent forever just snogging her so I could forget about the ache that was slowly overtaking my entire body.

But that ache wasn't going away. It wasn't going away anytime soon. It had been festering for quite some time, maybe since my fight with Dad or maybe since my fight with Albus or maybe since my conversation with Dad over Christmas or maybe it had just been building up over six whole years, but regardless of when it had begun, there didn't appear to be anything I could do to slow it down or to stop it entirely and I could no longer pretend that that wasn't completely soul-crushing. I could no longer pretend that every inch of my body wasn't hurting from feelings of lost love and neglect and emotional distress. I couldn't pretend. Not even with her.

"I think I'd just rather be alone right now," I murmured as I pulled my hand out of Alice's and took a step back.

The shock in her eyes was unmistakable. "That's not the way we do things, Jay," she nearly pleaded. "We're there for each other 100% of the time. We don't leave each other alone, especially when one of us is hurting."

"I know," I murmured, "But this time, Ace, I'm asking you to."

Alarm settled into her expression. "Jay-"

"This isn't about you," I assured her, swiftly shaking my head. "Please don't take it that way. I just…I'm literally about to hit my breaking point and I need to not be around anyone when that happens because there's a good chance I'll say something I'll regret and I don't want to do that to you."

There was a raw anguish in her eyes that I knew I was the cause of and there was so much of me that wanted to scoop her up in my arms and never let her go, to feel like there was still one person in the entire world who was on my side, but the rest of me just needed to get away from everything and everyone that I had ever known. And that unfortunately included her.

"For the first time in our entire lives," Alice whispered, "I don't know what to say to make you feel okay."

She couldn't make me feel okay. No one could.

"You don't always have to have the words to make me feel better, Ace," I pleaded, taking a step towards her and instinctively pulling her towards me so I could bury my lips in her hair, showing her just how much I appreciated her. "I don't fault you for that and it certainly doesn't make me care about you any less. I know you'll be here when I need you. And I will. Just…not right now."

There was a burden in her eyes that automatically sent guilt straight to my heart. "Jay-"

"I'll stop by your room later, okay?" I cut her off in a rather desperate way and without saying anything more, without even kissing her, I quickly hurried off in the opposite direction.

I didn't know what I was doing or where I was going, too lost in my emotions, but I was halfway to Hogsmeade when I felt an unexpected exhale of relief as I slipped further and further away from the castle. The ache slowly faded, though the numbness never really did. But when I made it on to Hogsmeade soil, venturing through the back alley towards the Hogs Head Pub, I felt like I could finally take a breath without fearing that my heart might actually explode.

As I dropped into an empty booth in the back of the near-empty pub, sipping slowly on my watered-down firewhisky, it became painfully obvious just how pathetic I've become.

An hour had passed, a long hour that had me trying to quiet the thoughts in my head and the ache in my heart. I tried to ignore all thoughts of Quidditch and my parents and my brother. Sometimes, it worked. Sometimes, I just sat there without any thoughts at all. Sometimes, I felt as if I could find the courage and the energy to get up and walk back to the castle. Sometimes, I felt like maybe things would turn out okay. And sometimes, I just wanted to scream or cry or hide out under the table. Sometimes, I wondered if I could stay there forever. Sometimes, there was so much hatred and pain in my heart that it felt impossible to take a single breath. Sometimes, I wished I was living someone else's life, _anyone else's life_ , but my own. And that was the most heartbreaking part of it all, that I felt so shattered and broken that I didn't even want to be me anymore.

Or maybe the real problem was, I just didn't know who me was.

I spent so much time living in my father's shadow and failing to live up to the world's expectations of me and being compared to Albus' perfect self and never being good enough for anyone that at some point I stopped being good enough for me, too. I wasn't living my life, I was just existing in it and what kind of life was that?

As I watched the condensation drip off my glass, I thought back to when I told Dad I was planning to take off after graduation. At the time, I had said that because I had wanted to get away from him and Albus and Mum. Now, I wondered if it was just me I was trying to get away from.

Or maybe it was me I was trying to find.

I had lived my life by my surname and it was about time to life my life by my first name. I didn't know who I was or who I could be but maybe getting out of the country, getting away from the place that turned me into nothing but a headline, getting away from the endless judgment and speculation, was a chance to find my own identity instead of the identity the world gave me.

Maybe, just maybe, this didn't have to be about Dad at all. Maybe it was finally time for it to just be about me.

"I thought you might be here."

Whirling around, I gaped at Teddy as he slid into the bench opposite me. "What…how…" I trailed off, unable to get out anything else.

"I had a hunch," he said simply as he offered me a shrug.

I stared down at my second glass of firewhisky. "I'm not really in the mood to talk, T."

"I know," he spoke softly. "But I also knew that if I found you in here, you'd have to be in a pretty bad place emotionally and what kind of brother would I be if I just left you to sulk in self-pity all on your own."

Teddy calling himself my brother nearly caused my heart to explode for a part of me felt like he was the only real immediate family I had who truly loved me and the really ironic part of that is, he wasn't even really my brother.

"I'm fine," I lied, hoping that if I said it enough times, I'd eventually believe it.

Teddy leaned back in the booth, his eyes never leaving mine. "On a scale of one to Alice-not-speaking-to-you, how fine are you really?"

I didn't have an answer to that. The agony crushing down on my heart felt like a pain I had never experienced before but when I thought back to the time I spent apart from Alice, it all somehow felt the same. And I wondered what I ever did to deserve any of it.

I wasn't a good person. I wasn't noble or honorable or selfless. I made decisions for me, but only because I had long stopped allowing myself to count on others around me. I didn't deserve an entire lifetime of righteousness. But I didn't think I deserved an entire lifetime of heartbreak either.

Or maybe I did. Maybe that was going to be my only legacy. Forever be forced to live in the shadows of my heroic father and the rest of my perfect family while being the disappointing outsider to them all.

"Fine enough to not want to talk about it," I pleaded, staring at the near-melted ice in my empty glass.

I could feel his eyes on me but still I kept my head down. "It doesn't matter how many times you say you're fine, J-man," he spoke so softly, "You won't be able to convince yourself, or me, that it's true."

If only I could.

I was all ready to tell him for a third time I didn't want to talk but I made the mistake of looking him in the eye. There wasn't concern or pity or sympathy or regret in his eyes. There was just love. And that might have been the only thing I needed in that moment.

I shook the ice around in my drink as a way of focusing on that and not my aching heart. "I'll never be good enough," I whispered as a shiver ran down the edge of my spine. "My goddamned brother will always be better than me. He's always going to beat me. He's always going to win. And I'm always just going to be a failure. One big disappointment. The guy who can't seem to do anything right. I don't know why it surprises me every time. I should be used to it by now. I've certainly had years of practice at being the outsider in my own family. But…it just never gets easier."

I could feel the shock and dismay in his gaze though my eyes had long turned away from his and found a stain on the table to concentrate on instead.

"Look at me, J," he pleaded.

I didn't.

" _Look at me_ ," he begged again as he leaned in towards me.

I reluctantly lifted my head and met his gaze.

There was so much sad desperation in his eyes but it was accompanied with an unexpected determination. " _You are not a failure_ ," he whispered hoarsely. "Do you hear me? You are not any less of a person than your brother is. You are not just some disappointment. You're a good guy, J. You have a good heart that just sometimes feels lost. And that's okay. We all feel that way sometimes. But don't let it define you. Don't let a Quidditch loss or your brother or your father or your mother define you. You get to define yourself."

If only I could.

"And how do I do that when the rest of the world has been defining me for my entire life?" I asked unrhetorically.

There was uncertainty in my godbrother's eyes and I knew then I wasn't the only one stumped by that question.

"I wish I had an answer to that," Teddy spoke softly. "But I think that's something you have to figure out yourself."

I stared down into my empty glass, watching the ice slowly melt away, wondering if I'd ever really be able to figure out who I was or who I could be when I had my own father, not to mention the entire world, telling me exactly who I wasn't. How could I feel worth something to myself when I wasn't worth anything to anyone else?

I once again thought back to my post-graduation plans. They were undecided and unknown but maybe I was right to think that leaving the country, more specifically the eyes and ears of the country, was exactly what I needed in order to figure out how to be me again and not the me that everyone else wanted me to be.

"I do know that this isn't just about today's match. It's been six years in the making," Teddy said softly. "And I don't know if I can watch you go through another six years like this, J-man. You deserve better than that."

At this point, I wasn't sure I deserved much of anything.

"I can't watch myself go through this for another six years," I choked out, shaking my head at him. "I can't do it for another six _minutes_. I just want…"

There was that question again. What did I want? I wish I knew.

"What?" he asked softly. "What is it that you want?"

I felt an unexpected prickle of tears in the back of my eyes and I squeezed my eyes shut, counting to ten in my head as a way of blocking out the bottled-up emotions that were trying to overtake my every organ.

"I just want to be able to breathe without it hurting so damned much" I found myself saying.

It was unexpected and unplanned but as the words fell from my lips I knew them to be true. I felt trapped in my own world, trapped in my own body and emotions, and I just wanted out. I wanted to find a way to be happy, to be myself, whoever that might be. I wanted to stop resenting my family so much because all that was doing was causing a strain in my own heart. I wanted to live in a world where none of them mattered, where none of their opinions or feelings or thoughts clouded my own judgment of myself. I wanted to live instead of just finding a way to survive.

This time, when I glanced up, I did see concern in Teddy's eyes along with an incredible amount of compassion. "Oh, J," he whispered, rocking his head from side to side. "I hate that you're feeling this way. And I hate that there's nothing I can say or do to make this all better. Believe me, I would know. I've been there. I've been in your shoes before. I spent so many years resenting my parents and hating them for leaving me behind that it felt like my heart was exploding every single morning that I woke up. It seemed as if I could just never get any relief from it. It still hurts sometimes. And I know that's not the same thing. I know that your father is very much alive and that might actually make it worse for you because even when he's standing just a few feet away from you, there's an entire world full of distance between you two, but the thing is, _he's still alive_. Maybe I couldn't get the relief or the closure I needed because my parents were never there to give it to me, but your father is. And I know you don't want to hear this, I know you probably won't take my advice, but did you ever think that maybe the only way you're ever going to be able to quiet that ache in your heart and in your head is to talk to him? It may be easier shutting him out, your mother too, but if you want to stop feeling the way you feel right now, talking to them might be a good place, perhaps the only place, to start."

And what happens if I talk to them and instead of quieting my ache they only make it worse?

Talking to my parents only ever ended in heartbreak. And I didn't think my heart could take anymore.

"Or," I murmured, glancing down at my empty glass, "I could get another firewhisky."

Teddy let out a soft sigh. "You really think sitting alone in a seedy bar throwing back a few firewhiskys is going to help?"

He wasn't wrong to say that and yet somehow being alone, or as alone as I possibly could with Teddy sitting opposite me, felt like the only answer I had in that moment. "No," I murmured, "But I had just really needed a break from everything and everyone."

Or maybe it was just me I needed a break from.

Teddy looked at me before nodding knowingly. "I get that," he said softly. "We all have our breaking points and sometimes, in order to avoid them, we need time to ourselves to recharge. But sometimes, James, what we really need is time with the people we love and who love us to remind us that we don't have to be alone. You have people who care about you, who love you, and I get that you're afraid to talk to your Dad and to your Mum and to your brother, but don't be afraid to let others in."

I somehow knew that while a part of him was referring to himself, he was mostly referencing Alice even if he wasn't saying it outright. And I knew that once again, he wasn't wrong. I had pushed Alice away because I thought being alone was the answer to finding my own personal clarity but she had always been there before in my most painful times. I had never once turned my back on her or told her to leave me alone. Not once. And every time, she was there to squeeze my hand or embrace me or dance it out or tell me that everything was going to be okay. And every time, I believed her. Because I had no reason not to.

But maybe this time, I hadn't wanted her to tell me it was going to be okay. Maybe I hadn't wanted to hear it. Maybe I had wanted to believe that things weren't okay, that they wouldn't be okay, that they would never be okay. Because then there would be nothing to strive for. There would be nothing to hope for. There would be no reason to dream. And that would mean I wouldn't ever have to feel this way again.

Only, that wasn't the way the world worked. I could pretend I was an empty shell with no thoughts or emotions but I was a human being and that unfortunately meant that I had feelings whether I wanted them or not. And maybe once upon a time, I didn't want them. And sure, there were some feelings I could do without. But if that meant not getting to feel for Alice what I felt for her now, the excitement and the hope and the overwhelming passion I felt for her, then not feeling anything was the last thing I wanted.

So maybe all I could do was suck it up and deal with the bad emotions that came with the good. Because the only thing in my life that seemed to be going right was her and I was not looking to change that.

"I need to go find Ace," I found myself saying.

Teddy's eyebrow popped up. "Oh, this is embarrassing. I was talking about myself."

I looked at him hesitantly but was met with a teasing smile that almost made me smile myself. Almost.

"You know I love you, T-bear, but I've got a girl who I know is waiting for me," I said with a shrug as I slid out of the bench. Pausing, I looked down at him and said, "But thank you."

"For what?" he asked. "Crashing your pity party of one?"

I hesitated before shaking my head. "For being one of those people who love me."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I knew the Quidditch team along with the rest of Gryffindor would be back in our common room drowning their sorrows in a few hundred bottles of liquor but I had a feeling that Alice would be sulking alone in our room, both over the loss of the match and over the way I had ditched her.

I knocked gently on her door just after seven o'clock and waited for her to open it.

When she did, I was dismayed to see that I couldn't get a read on her expression. "I'm sorry," I whispered.

Her eyes met mine. "For what?"

I ran my fingers nervously through my hair. "I know I'm pretty much an expert at pushing people away," I spoke softly, "But I never meant to do it with you."

She bit down on her lip. "Oh? Then exactly how did you mean it when you begged me to leave you alone?'" she asked softly.

There was definite hurt in her tone even if she was trying to mask it and I knew all I could do was explain to her a little what was running through my head or my heart if I had any chance of getting out of this unscathed.

"I lost to my brother," I murmured hoarsely. " _Again_. It's like nothing I ever do will ever be right. I can't win. And it hurts to try and fail _every single time_. I'm supposed to be the Quidditch player. This is what I thought I was meant to do. But there's this one team, this one person, that I can't seem to beat. He always wins. _Always_. And there was good ol' Dad today hugging him and looking at him with his usual proud eyes and Mum pretending she was there for me when really, she was there on Dad's behalf and it just became too much and I…I snapped. I felt like I was drowning, gasping for air and never really getting it. I needed to get away, to get out, to get just a moment to myself where I could stop feeling like my world was crashing down around me."

Tears shone in her eyes. "I hate that you felt that way, Jay. But what I really hate is that you felt you had to go through that alone. I know that I don't always understand what you're going through or what you're feeling or why but I'm always going to be here for you. _Always_. Whether you need my shoulder to cry on or my hand to hold or a listening ear or a song to dance it out to or a drink to quiet the voices in your head or a kiss to distract you, I'm here to give you all of that. You never have to go through any of this alone. I never _want_ you to have to go through any of this alone."

It all sounded so wonderful in hindsight. After the game, after my conversation with Mum, after watching my father with my brother, I thought I had needed to escape. But the only thing that's ever really helped me was her.

"You sound like Teddy," I said with a wistful sigh. "And you're both right. I thought I didn't want to be around anyone at the time but really I just didn't want to be around me."

Her eyebrow shot up. "Teddy?"

"Yeah, he found me at the Hog's Head."

"You snuck off to Hogsmeade?"

"Yeah," I murmured.

She leaned against the door, hesitance flickering in her blue eyes. "Did it help?"

I shook my head. "No. Because I'm pretty sure you're the only one who can do that," I murmured, drawing my hands to her waist and pulling her towards me. "As I spoke to Teddy today, as I stared into my empty glass of firewhisky, as I glanced around that filthy bar, I realized that the only place I ever wanted to be is right here in your arms. You have this way of making everything feel safe even when it's not. And I don't think I say thank you enough for that. I know that there will be more times I'll feel overwhelmed or hurt or stressed out of my mind but I don't ever plan on walking away from you again because you have a way of making me feel better just by being there."

There was no more hesitance staring back at me, just unadulterated appreciation. "Has anyone ever told you that you have a real way with words?"

"Only around you, Ace," I whispered, "Because in case I don't say it enough, you really do bring out the best in me. Always."

She reached out and cupped her hands to my cheeks, drawing me in for a kiss. It was slow and tender and yet electrifying.

And suddenly, _finally,_ I felt like I could breathe again.

As our lips parted, her forehead met mine. "Answer me honestly, Jay," she nearly pleaded, "How are you feeling right now?"

How was I feeling?

Not great.

I hated feeling like a failure, especially feeling like one with my father watching on. I hated always being second best to my brother, especially in the one area that was supposed to be mine. How was I supposed to prove to the world that I was born to play Quidditch when there was still one team that I seemingly couldn't beat? How was I supposed to prove to myself this was what I was born to do?

And that was the worst part of it all. I hated finding a way to let others down but letting down myself was the worst feeling of all. I had little to my name, little that I had in my life that I cared about but Quidditch had always been there for me. And today, it wasn't.

"Today, I felt like I just needed to get out, get away from everything and everyone," I murmured. "And I think I realized that that feeling of being trapped has always been there. But…maybe it doesn't have to be anymore."

Confusion settled into her expression. "What do you mean?"

I gathered my jumbled thoughts, listening to both the sounds of my heart and the voices in my head, before saying, "After my last conversation with Dad, I was desperate to leave the country after Hogwarts. I thought it was because of him, and maybe a small part of it still is, but I think so much of it also just has to do with me."

Her confusion only grew. "And again I ask, what do you mean?"

I looked into her beautiful blue eyes, hesitation and concern staring back at me. The same emotions that I knew were shining in my own eyes. "I don't know who I am anymore," I murmured with a mere shrug. "I don't know if I ever really knew. I've spent my entire life either trying to be the person people expected me to be or trying to be the exact opposite. I never really gave myself the chance to just be me. And maybe leaving England, going somewhere else to try to make a name for myself instead of just living my father's name, can help me find me again."

There was an unexpected pride in her eyes as she wrapped her arms tightly around my neck. "I hate that you feel like you don't know who you are," she whispered. "But I love that you want to find out."

I snaked my arms around her waist and rested my head against her forehead with a relieved sigh. "I hope you know that I may be questioning who I am but I've never once had to question us."

The awe settled into her expression before she pressed her lips to mine, her chest nearly slamming against mine as she reassured me with just a kiss that everything would be okay one day even if it wasn't okay now. I melted into her kiss, my lips moving to the rhythm of hers as I shut out everything else around me and focused on the one person who could put a smile on my face even in the darkest of times.

Pulling back just slightly, she said, "You really do have a way with words sometimes, Jay, you know that?"

I nipped at her top lip. "You make it easy, Ace."

Her grip somehow seemed to tighten even more around my neck, as if she never wanted to let go and truth be told, I never wanted her to. "I wish I could make everything easy for you, Jay," she murmured. "I hate seeing you hurt and knowing I can't do anything to fix it."

I was surprised by the sheer vulnerability in her words. With a raised eyebrow, I leaned in close to her, said, "Oh, I believe you know exactly how to fix it," and then kissed her again.

She laughed and kissed me back, just for a moment, before pushing me away. "Sex isn't the answer to everything."

"Of course it isn't. If it was the answer to everything, we'd be having sex already."

She laughed again and that actually put a smile on my face. I didn't think that was even possible. "How about we find out just how much not having sex can help, too," she whispered and before I could even register those words, her lips were on mine once again and she was shutting the door behind us.

My lips responding to hers, I lifted her off the floor with such gentle ease and her legs tightly wrapped around me as I led us to her bed. Our lips parted for only a moment as she crashed down on the edge of the bed. I tore off my shirt before my mouth met hers, our tongues entangling in a somewhat desperate manner. My heart began to race for no reason at all except that I suddenly needed her now more than I had ever before.

Lust consumed me, consumed both of us, and it took a matter of minutes before our clothes were strewn about the room, our naked bodies pressed firmly together in the most intimate of ways. Our mouths explored every inch of our bodies, our necks and our chest and our lips and our thighs, until we were both trembling for more. My finger slid inside of her and I wasn't all that surprised to find out just how wet she already was. A quiet moan spilled from her lips as I gently moved my finger inside of her clenched walls. I quickly inserted another finger, followed by another, and she wriggled under my tender touches. I watched the desire and the hunger in her expression grow with every small move I made, and I watched the disappointment and confusion meet my gaze when I removed my fingers altogether. Until I moved my entire body southward and circled her clit with the tip of my tongue.

She shuddered at the unexpected movement, a gasp spilling from her lips, as her fists gripped her bedspread in a clear wanton need. I tickled her clit for just a few seconds before lapping at her juices at a rather alarming rate, her every whimper pleasuring my very core. She was insatiable in every meaning of the word and I taunted and teased her, using my tongue and my fingers until she was breathlessly whispering my name, her emotions so unsteady and timorous to elicit anything above a whisper, and I plunged my tongue hard against her clit until every inch of her body convulsed into a mind-blowing orgasm of ecstasy and pleasure.

I kissed my way up her abdomen as she came down from her high, tiny gasps falling from her lips as she tried to catch her breath, until my lips met hers. It was tender at first but she wrapped her arms around my shoulders tightly and kissed me with an unexpected vigor, so much that I stumbled on top of her, nearly crushing her.

"In case I don't say it enough," she spoke, her voice still a mere whisper, "You're fucking incredible."

I laughed and pressed my lips to hers once more. "You're not so bad yourself, Ace," I said in jest, teasing her lips with my tongue.

In one fail swoop, I was suddenly the one on my back and she was the one straddling me. "How about I show you just how 'not so bad' I can be?" she whispered suggestively.

 _Oh, God, yes_.

I was harder than I ever could remember being and the moment she pressed her lips to the tip, I was certain I was going to explode. I shuddered against her touch and suddenly it was my breath I was trying to catch as she dragged her lips down the edge of my shaft.

My hips bucked as she wrapped her mouth around my dick, pushing me nearly all the way to the back of her mouth. I honestly couldn't wait for the day that I got to feel what it was like to be inside of her but this was very much a close second.

She moved slowly at first, achingly slow, but it didn't take long for her to quicken her pace and with every thrust, with every slick feel of her tongue, I could feel the heat rising from within. I watched as she bobbed up and down, both my body and my heart aching for her like never before, and it didn't take me long to feel my own orgasm building up. I whimpered and moaned with the last few thrusts until I was calling out her name as I exploded into her mouth, my entire body jerking with the euphoric sensation.

 _How could I have ever possibly thought that being alone was better than being with Alice_?

She moved to my side and nestled into the nook of my shoulder, all while my body still trembled with some kind of aftershock. I buried my lips in her hair and murmured, "In case I don't say it enough, you're fucking incredible."

She smiled and met my gaze. "Feeling better?"

"You have no idea," I whispered as I drew my lips to hers.

My eyes drew heavy and I could see hers were, too, so I reached for her blanket and tossed it over the both of us, pulling her into my side. I didn't want to let go. I never wanted to let go. I wanted to stay there forever, lost in her and lost in us because that was the only way I could ever truly block out the rest of the world.

But curfew eventually came and that unfortunately meant that that world was waiting for me to join it.

A world that, unfortunately, I was not quite ready for.

I pressed a light kiss to Alice's temple, who stirred at the touch and peeked an eye open. "What time is it?"

"Almost eleven," I muttered achingly for we both knew what that implied. And as cowardly as it made me, I didn't want to face it. I didn't want to face the Gryffindor common room or my teammates or all of my other housemates. I didn't want to see the loss in their eyes. I didn't want to see the pity or the shame or the concern. I was finally breathing again all thanks to Alice and I feared that walking into that common room would suddenly turn me into a claustrophobic robot again. My heart began to race at the very idea.

As I glanced down at the beautiful girl in my arms, I saw an overwhelming amount of affection staring back at me and I had a suspicion that she somehow knew exactly what I was thinking even though I wasn't saying it aloud.

"I should probably get going," I muttered, pressing a kiss to her temple. "I knew I couldn't hide from the world forever."

When I made no motion to actually leave her side, trying to tell myself that whatever was waiting for me beyond her room couldn't be nearly as bad as I was picturing it, she said, "And yet, you're not moving."

I glanced down at her with a lopsided smile, one that I knew was full of regret and heartbreak. "I will. I'm just finishing up a rather pathetic pep talk to myself in my head," I teased, though we both knew there was no teasing about it.

I could feel her sad eyes on me but I just stared at the ceiling, trying to will a smile on my face. I was wildly unsuccessful.

"Stay here tonight," she whispered.

I blinked, turning towards her with confusion in my eyes. "What?"

She drew herself closer to me, her lips a mere centimeter away from me. "Don't go back to your room."

A rush of hopeful shock coursed through my veins. "What happened to your 'no sleeping over' rule?"

She shrugged. "Maybe rules really were meant to be broken," she whispered.

I looked at her and felt a small smile break out across my jawline. "Could I get that in writing?"

She rested her chin on my chest, her eyes meeting mine. "I know you don't want to go and the truth is, I don't want you to go either."

I didn't know if she was doing it for herself or me but either way, that might have been the moment that I fell in love with her.

Not that I was willing to admit that.

(Not yet anyway.)

My heart soared with so much appreciation and gratitude as I leaned over and pressed my forehead to hers, planting a simple kiss against her pleading lips. "Then I won't go," I whispered before kissing her.

In that moment, I felt happier than I've been in a long time, which was ironic considering my state of mind only a few hours earlier. But even though there was so much turmoil going on in my life and in my heart, the only solid and stable thing in my entire life was her. In the beginning of our relationship, I had been so hesitant and nervous about us, afraid I'd make a mistake or screw up or I'd inevitably find a way to hurt her, but despite my usual tendency to screw things up, our relationship was only growing stronger with each passing day.

My head was still wary of where the journey could take us, for wariness was how I lived my life, but my heart wasn't wary at all. It belonged to Alice, maybe it always has.

And if I was really lucky, maybe it always would.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

 **A/N:** Well, wasn't that one doozy of a chapter? The perfect Anniversary chapter if you ask me. We've got fun, loss, heartbreak, confrontation, and lust all rolled into one heck of an eventful chapter. The only question is, how will James move forward?

Up next: The aftermath of that very unfortunate loss.


	34. Broken and Beautiful

**A/N:** As always, your reviews have made me smile. I love that some people sympathize with a clearly out-of-her-element Ginny while others think she isn't doing enough to help her son. I love that some people agree that Harry would have never made a good father while others think he's completely in the wrong. I love that some people agree that James is better off moving elsewhere while others think he's just running away. I love how controversial this story has become and I love how excited you all are to share your opinions. And all I could say to that is, please just keep them coming!

* * *

 **A WAY WITH WORDS**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 34: Broken & Beautiful

" _I'm tired, can I just be tired?  
Without piling on all sad and scared and out of time  
I'm wild, can I just be wild?  
Without feeling like I'm failing and I'm losing my mind  
Can someone just hold me?  
Don't fix me, don't try to change a thing  
Oh, someone just know me  
'Cause underneath, I'm broken and it's beautiful."  
_-Kelly Clarkson

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

When I slipped into the Gryffindor bench the next morning with my hand still attached to Alice's, I was greeted with a scone thrown in my face.

Rubbing where it struck my forehead, I glared over at Fred. "When did saying 'hello' go out of style?"

"I wasn't worried when you took off without telling anyone where you were going. I wasn't worried when you never showed up to one hell of a shitshow Gryffindor party we happened to be having. I wasn't worried when you weren't back in the room by the time I ventured off to sleep around midnight. But when I woke up at five in the morning to find your goddamned bed still empty, that's when the worry settled in."

I grimaced, albeit just slightly. "Er…yeah, about that."

"Oh, it's okay now," he said dismissively, a smirk appearing on his face. "You forget, the Map was back in our room with me."

I froze. "Oh, shit."

He grinned. "So you slept the night in AliCat's room, hm?"

"Don't know what you're talking about," I said for I thought it was best to completely deny it.

"I think you do," he laughed.

"Oh, stop looking so giddy about it, Fred," Alice interjected with the roll of her eyes. "I assure you, we did not have sex."

"Maybe not, but that is the rumor I plan on spreading around the school."

I thought it was appropriate to chuck a handful of scones at him.

"I jest, I jest!" he laughed, ducking as I tossed the last scone at him. "So you finally wore AliCat down, hm, Jameso? Nothing like a horrible Quidditch loss to bring two people closer together."

"Okay, can you please stop making it sound so bloody salacious?" Alice groaned.

"That depends."

Her eyes narrowed. "On what?"

"On what the hell salacious means."

I stifled a laugh as Alice shot him a glare. "It's too bloody bad James already threw all the scones at you."

He just grinned and we all dove into our breakfasts, leaving the scones scattered around the floor. I became invested in my porridge in order to tune out the cheers and the laughs coming from the Slytherin table for I knew that if I took one look over at them, there was a good chance my sudden positive outlook would be completely eradicated.

"Good to see you're still alive, Potter."

I rolled my eyes as Dash took a seat beside Fred. Glancing at the empty plate in front of him, he said, "Where the hell did all the scones get off to?"

Fred pointed to the floor beside him. "I hope you're in the mood for eggs."

"I'm in the mood for whatever will soak up the alcohol in my system," he urged as he piled an array of breakfast foods on to his plate. "I'm fairly certain I'm still drunk."

I smirked. "Epic party?"

"You could say that," Dash said. "Rose got so plastered that she decided to give Jax a lap dance. Quite entertaining."

"Rose?" I questioned. "As in Rose _Weasley_? Drunk? Really?"

"We've seen that girl go all out before," Fred reminded me. "She can be wild."

"I guess, but it's not very common," I mused, shaking my head.

"Yeah, well, when our team loses a match we could have really used a win on, people tend to get a little wild," Fred muttered.

I met his gaze and seeing as I was hardly in the mood to talk about the outcome of the match, I just said, "Well, please tell me someone took photos of this lap dance."

"Of course," Fred said with a nod. "And don't worry, I hid them so Jax couldn't find them and burn them."

"Oh for fuck's sake," the boy we were talking about groaned as he slipped into the bench beside Alice. "Are we talking about Rose's lap dance again?"

"That is just too good a story not to talk about," Fred smirked. "Where is Rosie anyway?"

"My guess is she'll be sleeping her hangover off all day," he muttered. "Which is what I should be doing right now. Why the hell am I here again?"

"Fried food," Dash said, pushing a plate of bacon towards him.

"Ah, yes, I knew there was a good reason," he replied, grabbing a handful of bacon and shoving it in his mouth.

"Oh, that's attractive," Alice drawled.

"Apparently Kye thinks it is because the two of them were involved in one hell of a makeout session last night," Fred said with a grin.

Alice and I both let out quiet gasps of amusement, jerking our heads towards Dash whose face was now a slight shade of red. "I was wondering when you'd bring that up," Dash muttered.

"This is your second snog session with her," I reminded him. "Anything going on between you two the rest of us should know about?"

"Not at all, Gossip Girl," he retorted.

I laughed and said, "Well, then at least tell me that Shayne saw you and flipped the fuck out."

"She has a boyfriend," Alice pointed out.

"Ohhh, not anymore she doesn't," Fred said gleefully, bouncing on the bench like a boy on Christmas morning.

Alice's eyebrows shot up and my mouth parted. "Uh, details please," I urged.

Fred grinned. "Winters did in fact see her ex-boyfriend here getting all hot and heavy with the Hufflepuff Quidditch Captain, and the green-eyed monster reared its ugly head. She and Jessup got into a nasty row before she dumped him in front of the entire common room."

"I knew she was only using him to make Dash jealous," I chortled, shaking my head. "And please tell me you gave Jessup so much shit for not being able to keep his woman happy."

"Of course we didn't do that. We are perfect gentlemen who don't get any enjoyment out of mocking and teasing those less fortunate than us just because we can," Dash spoke huffily.

Alice and I looked at each other and then over at him before doubling over with laughter.

"Translation: we gave Jessup so much shit, he locked himself in the bathroom and slept in the bathtub all night," Fred smirked.

I let out another barking laugh while Alice sighed and shook her head beside me. "You two are awful people."

"Like you didn't already know that?" Fred chuckled before diving back into his breakfast.

Alice and I asked for more details of the party and I was delighted to feel a semblance of contentment. The loss on the pitch would certainly weigh heavily on my mind, I knew I wouldn't be able to avoid it, but with Alice by my side and the friends I had giving me the laughs I needed, I knew that whatever insecurities had come out on full blast during the prior day would find their usual way to be quieted.

Or so I thought.

The Owl Post had a completely different take on it.

As it dropped down beside Alice, I noticed out of the corner of my eye that with only one mere look at the headline, she hastily crumpled it in her hand and pushed it aside. Glancing at Alice, there was a sudden shiftiness in her eyes that told me immediately that something was up.

And I had a feeling I knew exactly what that something was.

"The _Prophet_ has already written about the match, haven't they," I spoke flatly.

She looked at me but said nothing. Which ultimately said it all.

"Wonderful," I murmured, the ache in my heart creeping its way back in. Holding my hand out, I said, "Hand it over."

"Don't," Alice pleaded. "You don't want to read that."

"I asked for it, didn't I?"

"Please don't, Jay," she practically begged. "Forget about the _Prophet_. They're a bunch of gossip-hungry hags with no credible material. It's not worth you reading."

"Just give me the paper, Ace," I said firmly for even though I didn't want to read it, I also felt compelled to. For if I knew the _Prophet_ at all, the story would say something along the lines of how my brother always found a way to upstage me on the field, ultimately making him the better player than me.

And that story was going to be out there for the entire world to read, including those very Quidditch recruiters I was hoping to impress.

"You don't want to read it, James."

I stiffened as my sister's voice chimed in. Slowly turning around to face her, I said, "Did you read it?"

"Yeah and trust me, _you don't want to read it_ ," she pleaded.

I was troubled by the burden in her voice. "You okay, Lils?" I questioned cautiously for now I could see just how not okay she looked.

She said nothing at first but I saw the shame in her eyes. When she spoke, I suddenly realized why. "How can I be okay when the reason we lost yesterday was because of me."

My heart sunk straight into my chest. I had been so angry about losing to my brother that it never occurred to me how Lily might be feeling for not catching the snitch in her very first match. I had believed I had something to prove on the field but then again, my sister must have felt the very same way.

"The only reason we lost, Lils, was because the snitch was closer to Isla than it was to you. It wasn't your fault. Please, don't blame yourself," I sighed.

"How can I not?"

I swiftly shook my head. _"_ Because I was the one who put too much pressure on you. On the entire team. I turned my personal rivalry with my brother into a team rivalry and that wasn't fair to any of you. This is on me, not you," I muttered before pulling myself off the bench and heading hastily to the exit before Lily or Alice or Fred could tell me I was wrong when we all knew I wasn't.

I wasn't at all surprised when Lily followed me.

"James," she pleaded and I reluctantly turned around at the bottom of the Entrance Hall stairwell.

"I mean it, Lily. You aren't to blame here," I urged.

"I am though," she insisted, shaking her head vigorously. "We were outplaying the Slytherins. Cass was blocking more shots than Reese, which is saying a lot considering how good a keeper Reese it. You and AliCat and CJ were working together seamlessly and barely dropped any passes. Fred and Jax killed it like they always do. My job is to catch the snitch and I didn't do that."

"Because it was closer to Isla than it was to you," I reminded her. "It wasn't that she outplayed you, she just got luckier."

"I should have been paying attention more or flying in the middle of the pitch more or-"

" _Stop beating yourself up_ ," I demanded.

" _I will when you will_ ," she demanded right back. "If the loss wasn't my fault, then it wasn't yours either."

I wanted to believe that. But I wasn't so sure I could.

"This is how the game of Quidditch works," I murmured dismissively. "Sometimes we win, sometimes we don't. That's just the nature of the game. So why should this feel any different?"

"Because that very well may have been your last match and you're afraid that all anyone is going to remember from it is that you weren't good enough to beat your younger brother."

I looked at her, slightly stunned as she let those blunt words dangle tauntingly in the air. Words that I had been trying so desperately not to think about. The idea that I could have just played my last match at Hogwarts sent a painful jolt of despair straight to my heart like a dagger to the gut. I wanted one more shot to prove to everyone what the Gryffindor team was made up. What I was made of. Why this was what I was born to do. I needed that last chance to prove to the recruiters they needed me on their team. I couldn't let the last game I ever played be remembered as yet another loss of James to Albus.

Silence enveloped me and Lily as we locked eyes, the frustration filling my expression with utter despair. "It's like no matter what I do or where I go, I will always be compared to other people," I murmured.

If it wasn't Albus, it was Dad. If it wasn't Dad, it was Mum. I couldn't run from it. It was always going to be there. When will I just be allowed to be me?

"I know," Lily murmured, tugging at the end of her ponytail with a sigh. "But maybe the world will stop comparing you to others when you stop doing it yourself."

That was a lot easier said than done.

I felt that quiet ache in my chest again and wanted nothing more than to run away from this conversation, very much the same way I ran away from everything else in my life.

"If that was my last match here at Hogwarts," I murmured, grimacing at the very thought, "I hope you know that I'm glad you were on that field with me."

She looked up at me, stunned.

"You are one hell of a seeker," I urged. "Don't let one loss make you think otherwise."

Gratitude flickered in her green eyes as a smile tugged at the end of her lips. "Promise me something, James."

I nodded.

"Don't read the article."

I looked at her hesitantly before slowly nodding. "Okay."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I was lounging in bed after dinner, the playbook laying untouched at my side, as I stroked Franny's backside while she nipped at my jean's pockets. All day, people were coming up to me to let me know I played a good game and Gryffindor should have won. I knew they thought they were trying to make me feel better about the loss but all it did was want me to punch them straight in the face. After running into Brooks and Callum who just laughed at my expense, I stormed off thinking that the day couldn't possibly get any worse. Right before I ran into Parker Jessup who laughed in my face.

If Dash hadn't been there to drag me away, I might have actually given that prat two matching black eyes.

So I avoided the Great Hall for dinner and retreated to my bedroom, grateful for the small window of solitude.

It unfortunately didn't last long when I heard the door creak open. Glancing just slightly to the new presence in the room, I was somewhat grateful to see that it was only Fred of all people.

Fred nodded a mere hello at me. "You missed dinner."

I just shrugged.

"Got you some dinner rolls," he said, tossing them on my bed before making his way over to his own.

"Thanks," I said, only then realizing just how hungry I was. "No butter?"

He shot me a look. "Oh, no, I stuck a knife full of butter down my pants. It's right here," he said, pulling his hand out of his pocket long enough to flip me off.

"Er…no butter it is," I said with a sheepish grin as I bit into the lukewarm roll.

Fred reached for the open textbook on his desk and dragged it into bed with him. "So, tell me honestly," he spoke just a few seconds later, "How are you really doing after yesterday's loss? And please spare me your usual 'I'm fine, we're not out of it, we'll still make it to that final' optimistic bullshit you spouted after the match because even though I know a part of you believes that, I know there is another part that doesn't. I know how much that loss must be eating you up inside."

I found it both annoying and thoughtful that he was asking me about the loss. Normally, he'd just offer me a drink and we'd numb our pain with a considerable amount of alcohol, letting that be it. But the fact that he felt compelled to ask made me think he knew I was in a worse place than I was letting on.

"Yesterday, it was eating me up inside," I spoke hesitantly. "Today…well, I'm still trying to figure out how I feel today."

Fred pushed his textbook aside and turned to face me, crossing his legs underneath him. "Well then you're in luck. My detective skills are top notch."

I looked at him inquisitively but he hastily continued. "What about yesterday bothers you the most? Losing to your brother, losing while your family was in the stands, or the possibility that that loss might have pushed us out of the finals?"

"All of the above."

He rolled his eyes. "Try again."

I frowned and contemplated his question more carefully.

I absolutely hated losing to my brother but I've also unfortunately grown accustomed to it so while that one had stung, the familiarity of it managed to lessen the blow.

The idea that my father watched me fail at the one thing I was supposed to be the best in sent an aching shiver down my spine because how was I supposed to prove to the world that Quidditch was what I was meant to do if I couldn't even prove it to my own father who is already supposed to believe the best in me but doesn't?

But then again, he didn't believe much of anything when it came to me so what was one more failure really going to do?

I couldn't bear the idea of not playing in the finals, of not getting that one last chance to show everyone, especially the recruiters, that I was born to play this game. I needed to be there, to prove to not just the world but to myself that Quidditch was the only thing that I was meant to do. I needed the recruiters to see me at the top of my game, playing as the best version of myself, to know that I did everything I could to earn myself a possible starting position on a professional Quidditch team come September. _I needed to play_.

An ache burrowed in my chest at the very thought of never getting that and I knew then I had my answer to Fred's question.

"I can't not play in the finals, Fred," I murmured.

I could feel Fred's eyes on me but I just stared up at the ceiling. "Not to be a Negative Nancy, but what happens if you don't?"

I sent him a scathing look. "Way to fucking jinx it, mate!"

He rolled his eyes. "Answer the question."

"You know the answer, Fred."

"I know the vague idea behind the answer but I'd like to actually hear your particular thoughts."

I sat up in slight irritation and said, "Well, Psychiatrist Fred, the professional recruiters show up to that final fucking game only so if I'm not playing in that final fucking game then they won't exactly be able to see me and assess my possible future with them, now will they?"

He nodded knowingly, seemingly unperturbed by my caustic tone. "But you have to know that that doesn't necessarily mean your future with them is completely out of the question, right?"

"I'm not saying that," I dismissed, though we both knew I felt that way, "But you and I both know that the chances of being recruited to a team right out of Hogwarts without playing in that final is slim."

"Slim, yes," he said, "But not impossible. Both of our mothers are prime examples of that."

Did he really just play the mother card?

"Yeah, well, back then they had quite a few other things on their mind besides Quidditch, now didn't they," I drawled, rolling my eyes at him. "Quidditch was an entirely different world at that time. There weren't nearly as many candidates or rookies looking to play the game professionally. Nowadays, there are young players looking to make it in the professional world in every direction you look. You have to stand out for even the smallest chance to get one of those recruiters to look your way and don't you think that might just be a tad difficult when you're not playing in the game that they're watching?"

"There are other ways," Fred said, almost desperately. "There have to be. It's not like all four teams make it to the final and yet I'm sure there are players on all four teams looking to be recruited. There are old recordings the recruiters can listen to, you can send cover letters, open tryouts-"

"Slim chance on top of slim chance on top of slim chance," I groaned. "Are you trying to make me feel better or are you trying to give me even more anxiety over the whole thing? If it's the latter, then it's working."

He frowned. "I'm just trying to help. I can see I'm not doing a good job at it."

I sighed. "No, I appreciate it," I murmured, though I couldn't really be sure if I did or not. "I just…I really need this. It seems like my life loves to throw me curved quaffles and I just can't bear the idea of it doing the same with Quidditch. What else am I supposed to do after Hogwarts, Fred? I've only had one dream, one plan. If that fails, where does that leave me?"

As I glanced his way, I saw the panic in his gaze as he realized that it wasn't my Quidditch future that was at stake, it was my entire future in general.

"You want to comanage a joke shop with your bestest friend in the entire world?" he said with a teasing grin and even though my heart was aching, I couldn't help but laugh. I knew that was exactly what he had hoped for.

"I don't know. I'm not sure Ace is looking to comanage a joke shop with me," I teased right back.

He let out a gasp of feigned disbelief. "That's how you treat your bestest friend in the entire world?"

"I don't know, because Ace isn't here right— _oof_ ," I cried as his pillow hit me square in the head.

We both laughed as I tossed the pillow towards Franny who abandoned my jeans to nibble at the frayed edges of the pillow.

"I know you're not going to believe me when I say this," Fred spoke just a few seconds later as our laughter died down, "But everything is going to be okay for you. Life has a funny way of working out that way."

I didn't believe him.

But I so wanted to.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I ventured down to the kitchens alone to grab a plateful of baked goods for our Team Meeting.

Or at least I thought I was alone until I came across my jackass of a brother chatting it up with Reese.

I stopped short when I heard their voices around the corner. I was about to turn around and take the long way to the kitchens when I realized that they were arguing and I came to the conclusion that eavesdropping seemed like a better plan.

"Well what do you want me to do about it?" Albus sighed. "Punch Dash in the face?"

"No, but I'm getting awfully tired of people wandering up to me to congratulate me on being a fame-seeking gold-digger. As if I'd date you for your money or fame! How shallow do people really think I am?" Reese grumbled.

Albus let out another sigh. "You can't be dating me for my money or for fame. We're not actually dating."

There was a long pause. "Right."

"That's all you have to say?"

She sighed. "You were right. I thought that warranted the proper response of 'right.'"

"Oh, goody, you're back to being sassy, sarcastic Reese."

I nearly laughed at that comment.

"I never went anywhere," she snapped at him.

Albus sighed. "What are we doing with each other, Reese?"

Pause. "Right now? Talking."

" _Reese_."

She let out a sigh. "We aren't doing anything," she said. "We're just having fun. That's all. The rest of the school might see it for something else but who cares about them?"

There was a long pause before Albus commented. "Maybe the rest of the school is seeing it for something because it could be something."

That got my attention.

Reese's silence also got my attention.

Was my brother interested in dating Reese? And was she not interested in dating him back?

I was now quite intrigued.

"No answer. Great. Nice knowing you," Albus muttered before I heard the sound of his footsteps shuffling off.

"I don't know what I'm supposed to say," she called out.

"How about why you always manage to change the subject when I try to bring us up."

"We aren't an 'us,' Al."

"Yeah, I know, you've made that perfectly clear," he spoke in a clipped tone.

Once again, Reese said nothing. Which made me wonder what she was hiding. Reese Greengrass has never had an issue before speaking her mind so what was holding her back now?

"Is this about my brother? Are you annoyed with him or something and taking it out on me?"

 _Excuse me_?

"Oh, you have got to be bloody kidding me!" Reese nearly exploded. "For two people who are convinced they are polar opposites, you and your brother are so very much alike!"

What the hell was that supposed to mean?

Albus must have been reading my mind because he said, "What is that supposed to mean?"

"That this isn't about your bloody brother!" she shouted. "It has nothing to do with him. And I think it's rather insulting of you to assume it does. For Merlin's sake, are you two so desperate to keep your juvenile rivalry alive that you'll find any reason to pit one another against each other? You both are so bloody infuriating!"

"Our rivalry is hardly juvenile!" Albus called out. "You don't know enough about it to judge us."

Yeah, so take that, Reese!

Shit, I'm agreeing with my brother.

What has the world come to?

"I'm not judging you, I'm calling you out," she snapped. "And I love that that is the only thing you got out of what I just said to you."

Albus let out a frustrated grunt. "What else am I supposed to get out of it? I'm not here to talk about James, Reese. But you don't want to talk about us so what's the point of talking at all?" he sighed.

Silence once again.

Albus took that to mean he should continue with his pleas. "You don't have to fancy me, Reese. We don't have to date. We can go back to being whatever the hell we were. If you don't like me, just say the word. Just...tell me you don't like me. Can you tell me that?"

More silence.

Okay, seriously, what was going on with her?

"And I'm the infuriating one?" Albus muttered. "Fine. Don't tell me what's going on. I don't care. I'm done caring. I can't do it anymore. I can't just sit around, waiting for you to tell me what's going on. And I can't sit around pretending I'm fine with you not having the decency to talk to me. I did that once and all it got me was a broken heart. So do what you want. I'm done."

Not that I'd ever admit it aloud but I was strangely proud of my brother for actually sticking up for himself for once. A year ago, he would have let Reese walk all over him and he would have been okay letting her. But apparently at some point in the past year, he grew up.

I was once again about to tiptoe off in the opposite direction when I distinctly heard sobs around the corner. I knew they were from Reese and while there was a big part of me that knew I was hardly the right person to console her, I couldn't let myself walk away.

Sighing, I turned the corner and slowly made my way towards her. She was sitting on the ground, leaning against the wall with her head buried in her hands. She didn't hear me walking up and only jerked her head up when she felt my presence sliding down the wall beside her.

"Shouldn't you be in a better mood after your win yesterday?"

She frowned, wiping away the tears before drawing her knees into her body. "Go away, James."

"He's not wrong."

She froze. "You were eavesdropping?"

I shrugged.

The irritation in her eyes grew. "Then you know I'm not exactly pleased with you at the moment."

"For good reason," I admitted with a curt shrug. "I wasn't very nice to you during our last conversation."

She snorted. "Well, isn't that the understatement of the century."

I grimaced. "Yeah, I know," I murmured.

She stared at me, her nostrils flaring. "That's it? That's all you have to say?"

I shrugged. "What do you want me to say?" I muttered. "You want me to say I'm sorry? Fine, I'm sorry."

Her lips pursed, her eyes not straying from mine. She said nothing as a sort of awkward silence filled the hallway before she slowly picked herself off the floor with a shake of her head. Frowning, she glanced down at me with a look of heavy disappointment in her eyes. "For once, Potter, I want you to mean it."

With a sigh, she started to walk away. I was tempted to just let her go but found myself calling after her. "You were right the other day. I tear people down because that's easier than caring."

She froze halfway down the hallway and slowly turned around. "Why is it easier?"

All I said was, "It just is."

Her lips pursed. "It's okay to care about people, James."

I didn't know how to respond to that because it wasn't something I liked to talk about much. I had plenty of friends in my life, always surrounded by a buddy, but there was a difference between calling someone a friend and letting them in. And I hardly ever did the latter. I had been betrayed and broken too many times in my past to allow it to possibly happen in the future.

"I never said it wasn't," I eventually responded.

She looked at me and shook her head. "Caring and pretending to care are two completely different things, James. And I'm just not sure you know the difference."

I pondered over her words hesitantly. "Is that what you think?" I asked cautiously. "That I only ever pretended to care about you?"

It took her a really long time to respond. "I think you really do care. About a lot of things. I think you care about the people around you even though you've convinced yourself the only people you need are Alice and Fred. I think you care about your father and your brother and your mother but it's easier pretending that you don't so that if and when they do something to upset or anger you, you can also pretend that that doesn't hurt. I think the reason you care so much about Quidditch is because you feel as if it's the one thing in your life you can control. I think the reason it's easier for you to tear others down instead of caring about them is so you don't ever have to watch them let you down. But caring is a part of life, James. It's what makes you human. It's what makes you real. So maybe it's time for you to stop pretending to be someone and actually _be_ someone."

I had enough people in my life who psychoanalyzed me that getting it from Reese should have been tiresome.

But we both know she wasn't wrong.

I pretended not to care but perhaps the truth was, I cared too much. And that's why it hurt so much every time something went wrong in my life. Every time I disappointed someone or let them down. Every time I gave them a reason not to love me anymore. Every time I wasn't perfect. How could I just be me when the me I was never seemed good enough?

Pulling myself off the ground, I walked towards her and said, "You know why I started calling you Baby Girl?"

She looked at me in slight surprise before sighing. "I thought it was because it annoyed Scorpius," she spoke irritably.

I shook my head. "No, I just said that to annoy you," I muttered regrettably. "The truth is, I had forgotten your first name at the time."

She blinked. "What?"

Grinning sheepishly, I said, "I pretty much assumed we'd hate each other for life and then when we didn't, I thought it would be rude to ask. So we were laughing about something or rather and the nickname Baby Girl just came out and…well, it stuck."

She looked at me and then burst out into laughter. "Why the hell didn't you just ask someone else what my name was?"

"Because I was not a smart third year."

She chuckled. "So you gave me a nickname because you're an idiot."

I hesitated before saying, "I gave you a nickname because I cared enough about you to want to talk to you and needed to call you something. Other people, I would have just ignored. But not you."

She looked surprised, her jaw dropping slightly. "Well, damn, that might be the nicest thing you've ever said to me, James Potter."

"Don't get used to it," I said with a chuckle. "Look, I tend to keep things to do with my brother at an arm's length and you kinda got mixed up in that. And for that, I'm sorry."

Gratitude filled her expression. "Now there's the sincere apology I was looking for," she spoke softly. "Thank you, James."

I offered her a smile. "Now," I said curiously, "What's going on with you and my brother?"

She froze, her mouth parting. "I take back my thank you."

"That's not an answer."

She frowned. "Nothing is going on now apparently."

"Yeah, and why is that?"

She pursed her lips. "Why do you care? You don't exactly like your brother."

I smirked. "Yeah, but you do."

She tried glaring at me but it just came across as a grimace. "I don't want to talk about this, James," she murmured.

Shrugging, I said, "You don't have to talk to me. But don't you think Al deserves to have this conversation?"

She frowned and turned away from me, folding her arms defensively across her body.

"So you're really just going to go with silence, is that it?" I sighed.

"Well, I already said I didn't want to talk about this so what else is there to say?" she grumbled.

"You could start with the truth."

She glared at me. "Do you ever actually bother to listen to people when they speak? How many times do I have to say I don't want to talk about it before you'll actually-"

"Reese," I spoke softly, ignoring the weak insult.

She sighed. "What?"

"You like my brother," I said with a small smile. "If you didn't, you would have just said that by now."

She frowned and met my gaze. There was a tense silence in the air that dragged on until she finally spoke. "I wish I didn't," she murmured.

"Yeah? And why's that?" I prodded.

She looked at me and then quickly turned away. She didn't answer and I was about to prod again when she finally murmured, "Maybe I don't just want to be someone's rebound."

Her words confused me. "Who's asking you to be?"

She sent me a look. "He and Kat dated for over two years and they've been broken up for all of a month. He-"

"Two months actually."

Ignoring me, she continued. "He doesn't know what he wants or even needs. He's still reeling over a broken heart whether he admits it or not. Kat wasn't just some throwaway girl. He loved her. A part of him probably still does. And I am not looking to be someone's distraction or diversion as they try to get over their ex."

I stared at her, a whirlwind of questions circling through my mind. "Do you know how most guys do the rebound thing?"

She sighed. "How?"

"They go find a bunch of nameless girls and fuck them over and over again, usually while drunk off their asses," I drawled.

"Classy."

I shrugged. "My point is, Al isn't the rebound type. And if he had any reason to believe that there was even the slightest possibility that he could be using you, he would have shut this down a long time ago," I argued. "And I think you know that. He wouldn't be pursuing you if he wasn't interested."

"I'm just trying to stop either one of us from making a mistake," she countered back.

There was a defensiveness in her tone that made me take a curious step back as I cocked my head to the side. "I'm not buying it," I said, slowly shaking my head. "If you really are afraid you're just some rebound, you would have just told Al that."

She went silent again. She was getting very good at that.

"Talk to me, Baby Girl," I sighed. "What's going on?"

"Nothing," she said a little too hastily. "You're reading too much into this."

"The way you're avoiding looking at me tells me that I'm not."

She continued staring at the floor, the silence growing tense, before she finally spoke in a soft whisper, "I'm not looking to be made a fool of."

I could only stare at her as the bewilderment built up in my mind. "I don't understand."

She let out a quiet sigh, her eyes still focused on the floor. "You know how the world works, Potter," she muttered.

Right, like that cleared anything up. "Yeah, I'm going to need you to fill in a few more blanks here."

She finally looked up, irritation crossing her facial features. "The world can't seem to get enough of the Potter drama. Throw in a Greengrass and we'll be turned into a spectacle. We already are one thanks to that roommate of yours. Everyone is already coming up with their wildest theories about us. About wanting to be with Al for his money or to earn myself some self-respect. Because it doesn't matter that my family has its own wealth and it doesn't matter that I've never had any problem respecting myself, that that seems to be everyone else's problem. No, what matters is that there's no way that a girl like me coming from my background could show any real interest in the renowned son of _the_ Harry Potter. Being a part of a family with their antagonistic history has people assuming I'm just in this to make a better life for my mother and myself, that I can only be in it for prestige and some sort of honor, a way to better the Greengrass name. I'm not looking to be a part of any of this. I'm not looking for the press to dig into my life and my family's life and tear us apart because of choices that were made and unfortunate situations that happened so many years ago, most of which aren't even true. They will pit Al and I against each other, our families against each other, and when it all falls apart, I will look like the village idiot who really believed that a relationship could ever work between a Potter and a Greengrass. So thanks but no thanks."

I was actually quite surprised by her reaction as I had never considered Reese to be someone who cared much about what others thought of her.

Then again, if anyone could understand the frustrations of the media turning you into a spectacle, it was definitely me.

"You said 'when,'" I said cautiously.

She looked at me, her eyes narrowed. "What?"

Tilting my head to the side, I said, "You said ' _when_ ' it all falls apart."

Her lips pursed. "So?"

"So it sounds like you're just trying to talk yourself out of a relationship before even giving it a chance."

Uncertainty flickered in her eyes. "I don't need to give it a chance to know how it's going to be perceived."

"Yeah, and who the fuck cares what the world thinks?" I sighed. "My name has been plastered across the front page of the _Prophet_ more than Ministry news has been written about, so believe me when I say I understand anyone's hesitance to throw themselves into that world if it can be avoided. I know how not easy it is dealing with the press and the perceptions. I know it can hurt and be overwhelming. _I know_. And normally I'd be telling you to run far, _far_ away from it. But you deserve to be happy, Reese. Don't let anyone take that away from you, especially a world of people who don't even know you nor do they care to get to know you. But Al wants to know you. The real you. And if being with Al would make you happy, then don't run away from it. Don't run away from him. He deserves better than that and frankly so do you."

She tugged at the end of her ponytail, her mouth forming into a tight frown. She looked both hesitant and contemplative and I debated whether to walk away, leave her to her thoughts, when she finally spoke.

"I'm afraid he'll think I'm just a coward."

My one eyebrow quirked upward. "Do you think you're being a coward?"

She frowned and then slowly nodded. "I've never cared before about what anyone thought of me or my mother or my family or what I do or what I say," she muttered. "And I hate that this is bothering me so much, I just…"

"Don't want to get dragged into a world that will do anything to tear you down?" I suggested.

She hesitated before saying, "I don't want to get dragged into a world that might succeed in tearing me down."

My heart constricted at the sheer vulnerability of her words. "You're stronger than that, Reese. And so is Al. The only question you have to really ask yourself here is, is he worth the risk?"

More silence. She was getting good at that.

"And I'd suggest answering that question soon," I said with a mere shrug. "Because my brother isn't going to just wait around while you figure it out. A year ago, he might have. But…he's a far more independent person now."

Sadness flickered in her eyes as she mulled over those words. With a sigh, her head slowly shook from side to side and she murmured, "Why are you doing this?"

So I guess we were going to change the subject.

"Doing what?" I asked.

She looked at me. "Defending your brother," she spoke bluntly. "After yesterday and the article this morning, I'd assume you'd be all 'fuck you, Al.'"

Oh, believe me, I was still very much in the 'fuck you, Al' boat. I lived in that boat. That boat is my forever home. I had told him I'd be fine never speaking to him again and I had meant it.

"Yes, thanks for the reminder that your team came out on top," I deflected. "But just keep in mind that our chasers outscored yours, Baby Girl. And that's a little on you, Keeper Greengrass."

She rolled her eyes at me. "You guys would have won even if we caught the snitch had it not been for the shots I was able to block," she drawled. "Your chasers didn't just outscore ours, you outshot ours. The percentage of shots I saved is probably very close to Cass' percentage when you account for the amount of total shots that were made on goal per team. And I love how you avoided my question completely."

I smirked. "I love how you felt the need to respond to my comment instead of just immediately pointing out that I avoided your question."

She shrugged. "So you gonna answer or what?"

I frowned. She unfortunately asked a very good question. Why was I there defending my brother when earlier that week I had told him I'd be fine never having to speak to him again?

Sighing, I just said, "The reason I avoided the question was because I don't have an answer."

Her head cocked to the side, curiosity resting in her eyes. "I might have one."

I narrowed my eyes. "I don't want to hear it."

Smirking, she ignored me and said, "Because maybe, just maybe, you actually do care about his well-being."

No fucking way.

"Or maybe, just maybe, I care about yours."

Her smirk grew. I really didn't like that. "I'd believe that except for the twenty times you told me that your brother deserved better."

I scowled. "It was hardly twenty. Once, maybe twice. One and a half perhaps."

She gave me a knowing look. "Once is enough."

I opened my mouth to argue but no argument came to me which severely irritated me. I was supposed to be writing him off, the same way I was writing off everyone else in my family, and yet I spent the last ten minutes defending him.

Why was it so easy for me to hate everyone else but not so easy for me to hate him?

I grunted irritably. "Well, this has been fun but I'm late for a meeting," I dismissed as I pully myself off the floor in one swift motion.

Offering her a farewell nod, I headed down the hallway.

"Don't worry, I won't tell anyone that you might actually like your brother!" she called out.

"I never said that!" I cried over my shoulder.

I turned the corner and left her laughing in the hallway.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I strolled into the Clock Tower ten minutes before the Team Meeting was set to start with a platter full of cookies and brownies in one hand and yesterday's match recording under my arm. Dropping the platter on to the floor, I tossed the recording on to the window ledge and leaned against the ledge to stare out the window at the expansive grounds in front of me. It was too dark to see any part of Hogsmeade but I had the very brief thought that I wish I was spending the evening there instead of chatting about a match we unfortunately lost.

"Where the hell have you been all day?"

I jumped, glancing over my shoulder as Alice made her way towards me. Shrugging, I said, "Would it sound completely pathetic if I said hiding?"

She leaned her forearms against the ledge beside me and nudged me with her arm. "Not at all," she murmured, resting her head against my shoulder.

Smiling at her, I pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

"I certainly benefited from your disappearance," she spoke with a chuckle. "Without you around distracting me, I am not only completely caught up with my work but I even started our Potions essay that isn't due until Thursday."

I pouted. "If this is your setup for the I'm-breaking-up-with-you conversation, could you give me a heads-up so I can fling myself out the window?"

She laughed and picked her head up to look at me. "I'm not breaking up with you, Jay," she said, leaning over to kiss me.

Grinning, I captured her lips with mine and let that perfect little moment take over.

When she pulled away, she smiled at me and then said, "Did you read it?"

I was confused for a second before realizing she was referring to that morning's _Prophet_ article. "No," I sighed.

She looked at me and said, "So then why are you hiding?"

"Because other people read it and I'm trying not to punch everyone in the face."

She laughed. "Well, that's new for you. You usually love punching people in the face."

I shrugged. "True, but I'm trying to avoid another removal of my Captain's badge. That can't look too good to professional teams when they start looking into my background," I teased.

She rolled her eyes. "You really are one hell of a cocky bastard, aren't you."

"You're dating that cocky bastard so what does that say about you?"

She tilted her head to the side and smiled. "That I must really like you."

I leaned in close to her and whispered, "Good thing the feeling is mutual."

And then I kissed her again.

"Oh, ew! Don't you know this is a sacred place for Quidditch business?" Jax's voice boasted as he ventured into the Clock Tower.

Rolling her eyes, Alice turned towards him. "No, it's not. It's a place that holds the mechanics to run the school clock."

Jax blinked. "I don't like when you use so much logic in your comebacks."

"It wasn't a comeback, it was a fact."

" _What did I just say_?"

Laughing, Alice grabbed a cookie off the platter and tossed a piece into her mouth before leaning back into me. I wrapped my arms around her neck and planted a kiss at the back of her head.

Slowly, the rest of the team sauntered in, leaving Fred as the last absentee.

"Why is he always late?" I sighed to no one in particular, shaking my head.

"Hope you don't want an actual answer to that," Rose drawled as she gestured for Jax to pass her a brownie.

"I have an answer," Jax snorted. "Because we don't want to have to listen to a recording of a match we lost just yesterday. I mean, who the hell wants to go through that kind of torture?"

"How about the guy who missed an obvious target in our endzone and hit Cass instead, opening up a chance for them to score," I replied.

Jax hesitated. "I was really hoping you would have missed that."

"I didn't."

He shrugged. "In my defense, your brother is abnormally fast on a broom."

I shot him a look. "That's your defense? That he was flying _fast_?"

"I didn't say it was a good defense."

He was saved from hearing a scolding when Fred appeared at the top of the stairs. Before I could speak, he said hastily, "Yeah, yeah, I'm late. Whatever. I'm here now so let's get this fun little jamboree over with, shall we?"

He dropped on to the ground and reached for a brownie, smiling sheepishly up at me.

I responded by glaring at him. "Hey, Fred, you know that watch your dad gave you for your birthday last year?"

"Er…yes."

" _That watch has a purpose_. _"_

He shrugged. "I looked at the watch, I realized I'd be late if I continued to snog Ryleigh, and I proceeded to ignore that thought because damn did Ryleigh look good today."

As simultaneous groans fell from the girls' mouths, I considered his statement carefully. Glancing down at Alice who was still planted securely in my arms, I shrugged and said, "Yeah, sounds like a reasonable excuse to me."

" _Jay_ ," Alice groaned, but that only made me grin.

"Alright, you all know why we're here today," I said, changing the subject.

"Any chance you lost the recording in the last few minutes?" Rose sighed.

"No."

"Dammit."

"We've got to do it," I said with a shrug. "This is how we learn."

CJ cleared his throat. "Okay, I hate to be the one to say this but what if there's nothing to learn for?"

Silence filled the room as the weight of his words settled into each of our minds.

And our hearts.

"I have to believe we'll be in that final," I said firmly, ignoring that little seed of doubt.

Or maybe I was just in denial.

Let's go with I was just ignoring it.

"I have to believe that we did enough to get us there," I continued. "I have to believe we will win that Cup this year. I have to. Because I know we all deserve this. We have had one hell of a year with a lot of ups and downs and unexpected changes and tons of drama. We deserve to go out with a win. And until I have a reason not to believe we can do that, I'm going to continue to believe."

Glancing around at my teammates, I saw the skepticism in their eyes but I also saw the hope in their smiles.

Grinning, Alice said, "Then turn on the recording and let's do this."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"You're quiet tonight," Alice spoke once we were back in her room. She was trying to finish a Potions essay. I had my own Potions essay open but barely glanced at it, my thoughts on so much else.

I looked over at her. "Am I supposed to be talking through my homework?"

"You usually do," she said with a teasing smile. "You have this look on your face, like you're thinking too hard about something."

"Thinking isn't really my thing," I teased right back.

"I've noticed seeing as you've written all of three words since we got back to my room."

Oh, so she noticed that, hm?

I glanced down at the near-empty parchment in front of me with a frown before tossing it aside and flopping on to my back with a sigh. "Reese said something to me earlier today that I can't get out of my head."

Alice's eyebrow popped upward. "Reese? I though you were on non-speaking terms with her."

"I was," I murmured, "But apparently my weakness is a crying girl."

Cautious confusion filled her gaze. "Reese Greengrass was crying?" she spoke in disbelief.

"I know. Came as a shock to me, too," I said with a shrug, "But apparently my brother has that effect on people."

She blinked. "I feel like I'm going to need more information than that."

I offered her a quick smile before it faded. "Evidently, my brother has fallen for yet another one of his teammates."

Her eyebrow shot up but she merely chuckled and said, "I kinda saw that coming a mile away. Albus doesn't do anything halfway. If he was pursuing Reese it was because he really liked her."

"Well, maybe he doesn't do anything halfway but apparently Reese does," I murmured as I summarized my conversation with her. I didn't provide all the intimate details, for they were Reese's to do with what she wanted, but I just told Alice that even though Reese had feelings for Albus, too, she also had reservations that was stopping her from jumping headfirst into any sort of relationship with my brother.

Alice nodded at all the right times and when I was done, she looked at me and said, "And which part of that can't you seem to get out of your head?"

I hesitated. "The part where she wondered why I was defending my brother, the same guy I had told just last week I was fine never having to speak to him ever again."

She gaped at me. "You did _what_?"

Oh, right, that wasn't common knowledge.

"Er…did I forget to mention to you that I told Albus last week I would be fine never having to speak to him ever again?"

She tossed her capped inkwell at my forehead. "What the hell is wrong with you?" she groaned.

"What the hell is wrong with him?" I retaliated. "He's the one who told me Dad tossed me aside because he realized he didn't want me as a son anymore. And I'm just supposed to stand there and take it?"

The remorse and disappointment filled her cautious expression. "He shouldn't have said that," she sighed. "But dare I ask what you said that might have made him say that?"

I glared at her. "Who said I said anything?" I huffed.

She shot me a skeptical look. "I'm not saying what he said was right or justified, in fact it was far from it, but I've noticed he has a habit of insulting people only when they insult him first."

Unlike me who has a habit of insulting people just to insult people.

"This isn't even about what he said or what I said," I muttered dismissively. "It's about why I bothered to defend him, to tell Reese that he deserved better, when I should be thinking he doesn't deserve anything."

Alice pushed aside her essay and crawled towards me, dropping on to her torso and holding herself up by her forearms. "Because," she spoke softly, her eyes meeting mine, "You're his big brother. You don't know how not to care."

I frowned. "Seems like I've done a fine job not caring up to this point," I muttered.

She shook her head. "Or maybe you've just done a fine job thinking that you haven't," she said. "You've been building up this rivalry for years now and sometimes it's hard to see underneath all of that competition. But there _is_ an underneath it all. And that bottom line is that he's your brother and the same way you've always looked out for Lily, you've also unknowingly been looking out for Albus, too. He just never really needed it until now."

I contemplated her words carefully, wondering if she was right. Wondering if buried deep within my envy and resentment for Albus was a person who cared.

I'd like to believe there was but not caring had always come so easy to me. Caring never had.

I glanced at Alice who was looking at me with a knowing smile and since I had no response or retort whatsoever, I just leaned over and kissed her.

When we pulled apart, she looked at me curiously. "What was that for?"

"I need a reason to kiss you now?" I laughed.

She shook her head. "Of course not, but seems like you had a reason for that one."

I started to shake my head but stopped short when I realize she wasn't completely wrong. "I'm just glad that when everything seems to go wrong in my life, you're always there to make it feel right. You're the one stable thing in my life, Ace. You're the reason I wake up every morning and am able to put a smile on my face."

Awe and appreciation coated her periwinkle eyes. "Y'know, Jay, I always knew you had a softer side to you, one that you didn't show a lot of people and still don't, but you still have a way of surprising me sometimes."

I smiled at her. "I hope that's a good thing."

" _You're_ a good thing," she whispered before pressing her lips to mine.

I had always had Alice in my life, she was always there, but I felt like with every day that passed since we started dating has only somehow managed to make me feel closer to her. I thought our friendship had been strong but our relationship seemed even stronger, which I didn't even think was possible. I never knew I could feel this way about someone, never thought I wanted to know. But she made it easy.

All these years, I assumed I had no heart. But as it turned out, she had it the whole time.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I reluctantly left Alice's room an hour later and trudged back to the Gryffindor Tower with a goofy grin on my face that was often there when my thoughts were consumed by her. I have spent so much time resenting my family and worrying about Quidditch and panicking about my future, perhaps too much time, but it's like it all fades away the moment she looks at me. I had always thought that it was the Quidditch pitch that was my safe place but it was clear to me now that the only place I've ever truly felt safe was in her arms.

Muttering the password to the Fat Lady, I ventured into the common room and headed towards the boy's stairwell. When I entered my bedroom, my goofy grin faded at the sight of only Parker Jessup in the room.

He looked up and immediately a smirk appeared on his face. "Way to go losing that match of yours," he laughed.

"Way to go losing that _girlfriend_ of yours," I seethed. "Though if she was just using you, can we really call her your girlfriend?"

The merriment on his face was immediately replaced with red rage. "Don't pretend to know anything about my personal life, Potter," he snapped.

 _"Don't pretend to know anything about mine."_

He let out a derisive laugh. "Everyone in the world knows about your personal life, Potter. It's plastered in the papers every day. How does it feel to know your younger brother will always be better than you?"

Oh, no, he didn't.

"You are just looking to get punched in the face today, aren't you?" I growled as I rounded on him.

He rolled his eyes. "And lose that precious badge of yours? I call bullshit," he drawled. "Then again, who knows if you'll even have the chance to use that badge again this year. You very well may have played in your very last Quidditch match here at Hogwarts."

I hated that he seemed to know exactly what to say to get under my skin.

And I hated it even more that he could be right.

"Then I guess it won't matter if I punch you in the face, now will it?" I snapped and I was all ready to do it when the door opened and in wandered Dash and Fred, both of whom stopped mid-sentence to stare at Parker and me with identical looks of caution.

"Er…what's going on here?" Fred asked, his eyes on me.

"How would you feel about me taking out our jackass of a roommate here?" I hissed.

"Not great," he sighed. "He may be a prat but I don't fancy myself having to visit you in Azkaban for committing murder."

"Hey, losing two roommates would give you more time in the bathroom," I said with a shrug.

Fred's eyebrow popped up. "So you'd take out another student just to give me a few extra minutes in the bathroom? I don't know whether to thank you or call you crazy."

"Crazy doesn't even begin to describe him," Parker muttered under his breath.

I reached for the closest thing I could find and chucked an alarm clock at his head. He yelped, ducking just in time before it could seriously injure him. "If you don't shut the fuck up, a clock to the head is going to be the least of your worries," I growled.

" _James_ ," Fred groaned as he grabbed ahold of the back of my shirt and pushed me towards the bathroom. I tried to put up a struggle but Fred being taller had the upperhand. He shoved me into the bathroom and shut the door behind us, standing in front of it with folded arms. "Alright, as much as I would love to see Jessup get a face full of bruises, you do realize that punching him in the face is not going to do anything except lose you that badge, right?"

"Yeah, and as he so thoughtfully pointed out, who even knows if I'll get the chance to use this badge anymore," I snapped at my cousin.

Fred blinked. "He insinuated Gryffindor was done for the year?"

"Yes."

He hesitated before stepping aside. "Then by all means, punch him in the face."

I looked at Fred, my upper lip twitching in amusement. "As much as I would love to do so just for being him," I said with a knowing shrug, "He's also not completely wrong."

Fred's eyebrow went up. "What happened to Mr. Positivity?"

"I had a good run. I lasted twelve hours. Eleven hours more than I would have thought."

Fred suppressed the urge to laugh. "Do you know how hard it will be for both Ravenclaw and Slytherin to make it to the final? Both teams can't catch the snitch."

I shot him a look. "Wasn't it you who said they'd do everything in their power to ensure a high-scoring game no matter who catches the snitch?"

"Do you have to remember everything I say?" he whined.

I let out a light chuckle. "I'll hold off on punching Jessup, alright?" I said with a shrug. Hesitating, I added, "For tonight anyway."

That time, Fred didn't bother holding back a laugh. "Who knew you had actual self-control?"

"Not me, that's for sure."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"For the love of Merlin, how long does it take to primp your hair, Potter?" Fred called up the Head Dorm's stairwell where Alice and I were supposed to be getting ready for a night out in Hogsmeade. We were, in fact, not getting ready and just snogging like two horny schoolkids. "It's going to look like a disheveled mop no matter what you do!"

"Hey, the disheveled mop look works for me!" I exclaimed before capturing Alice's lips in mine once again.

She giggled, murmuring in between kisses, "He's going to come up here at any minute and catch us in fact not primping."

"Let him," I teased, my tongue tracing her upper lip.

She pushed me away with a chuckle. "Give me two minutes to braid my wet hair and then we can head out. We're already about ten minutes late meeting Ryleigh."

"Remind me why we agreed to go out tonight?" I questioned, grabbing her arm and pulling me towards me again. "When we could be doing a whole lot more of this instead?" I pressed my lips to hers once again.

She didn't push me away immediately but I only got in another thirty seconds of snogging before she finally did. "Because Fred suggested we get out of the castle and away from the gossiping students who seem far to eager to remind us of our unfortunate loss on Saturday and you jumped at the very suggestion."

I hesitated. "You know how else I can get away from gossiping students? By hiding away in your room," I pouted. I grinned and added, "Preferably naked."

She laughed and shoved my chest once again before heading off to the bathroom. I pouted but reluctantly trudged down the stairwell and met up with Fred, and confusingly enough, Ryleigh.

"I thought we were meeting you at the one-eyed witch statue," I said to Ryleigh as I dropped on to the empty chair.

"You were," she drawled, "Fifteen minutes ago."

I grinned sheepishly. "Ace takes a really long time to do her hair."

Fred let out a loud snort. "She takes one or two minutes, tops. _You_ take longer than she does," he argued. "Which means whatever you two were doing upstairs had nothing to do with your hair."

I didn't even bother arguing for I knew they'd both be able to see right through it. "We were going to get ready. But snogging seemed like a more fun idea."

Fred rolled his eyes but it was Ryleigh who responded, who I was pleased to see was smirking at her boyfriend and not at me. "I recall someone being late to a Team Meeting recently because he thought snogging seemed like a more fun idea."

I let out a laugh at the same time that Fred tried to cover up his. "Are you actually partnering up with James to gang up on me?" he said with a pout, or at least his best attempt at a pout. "I thought you two were in one of your not-liking-each-other phases."

I tilted my head to the side curiously, glancing at Ryleigh out of the corner of my eye. "Er…I can't remember which phase we're in."

"We're about to double date. You can't dislike me that much," she said with a teasing grin.

I blinked. "Bloody hell, we are about to go on a double date," I mused. "Is this the first time we're doing that?"

"Yes, probably because you've been in the not-liking-my-girlfriend phase," Fred said with a tired smirk.

"Who aren't we liking?" Alice asked as she came down the stairs to save the day.

"Parker Jessup," I teased. "Always Parker Jessup."

Her eyebrow went into her forehead but before she could respond the door opened and we all turned towards it as Rudy wandered in, followed closely by Hattie. They both stopped short at the unexpected welcoming committee.

"Is this how you're greeted every night?" Hattie asked Rudy. "Because I gotta say, it's borderline creepy."

"Who you calling creepy?" I huffed.

"The people who are staring very intently at us for, gasp, walking through a door," she pointed out.

"We are staring intently because we're wondering all about the brand new couple's dirty little secrets," I smirked, pointing between the Slytherin and the Hufflepuff.

I got identical glares in response.

"That's not why we're staring," Alice groaned, smacking me on the back of my head. Hesitating, she said, "We're not even staring. We just weren't expecting you to walk in at the exact time that we were planning to walk out, that's all."

"Oh?" Rudy said, glancing at all of our casual street clothes. "And pray tell, where are the four of you off to tonight?"

"Kitchens," Fred said.

"Quidditch pitch," I said.

We both looked at each other while Hattie and Rudy just laughed. "Oh, so you're planning to be in two different places at once, is that it?"

"No, you misunderstood," I huffed. "Fred and Ryleigh are heading to the kitchens. Alice and I are heading to the Quidditch pitch."

"To spy on the Ravenclaw team?" Hattie mused with a knowing look. "Because last I checked, they're out there practicing right now. And here I thought you preferred avoiding Pruitt."

I hesitated. "What I meant to say is that Fred and Ryleigh are heading to the pitch and Alice and I are heading to the kitch-"

"Nice try," Hattie laughed. "Enjoy Hogsmeade."

Dammit, I forgot how well she knew me.

Grinning sheepishly, I said, "Want to join us and make it a triple date?"

"We can't have both Heads out of the school at the same time," Rudy argued with a mere shrug.

I hesitated and said to Hattie, "Want to join us and be our fifth wheel?"

She rolled her eyes but her response was cut off by Ryleigh. "Hold up, did you just invite your sorta ex on a date with your now girlfriend?"

"Shh, I kinda want to see this one play out," Fred murmured to her with a chuckle.

I grabbed the cushion off the chair and proceeded to pummel my cousin with it, who only laughed and somehow rolled off the couch unscathed, shoving me away.

"Well, as heartfelt as that invite was," Hattie drawled, shaking her head in slight amusement, "I think I'm going to have to pass."

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't grateful she turned it down but I merely shrugged and said, "Next time."

"Oh, please tell me there's going to be a next time," Fred pleaded under his breath.

He jumped out of the way before I could attack him with a pillow again.

"We should be heading out," I said to the group, "If we have any chance of making it back before curfew."

I wasn't at all surprised when I was the only one who didn't break out in laughter.

"Oh, please," Rudy was the one to respond, "Not a single person here believes you'll be back by curfew."

He was right of course.

With only a shrug, we all headed towards the door. As I passed Hattie, I couldn't help but ask her a question that had been nagging me all day. "Hey, do you know what's going on between Reese and Al?"

She looked confused. "How would I know?"

I shot her a look. "Because you're on the same Quidditch team that they are."

"Ah," Hattie murmured in realization but she shrugged and said, "I honestly don't know but let's just say that this morning's practice was extremely awkward for all of us involved."

So I guess that means Reese never actually spoke to my brother about her reservations.

Then again, it was rare for people to take my advice.

It was even rarer for me to give it.

"Well, can't say I'm terribly upset about it affecting your team," I said with a grin.

Hattie just looked at me. "Yeah, too bad it affected our team so much we lost to you," she drawled. "No, wait, we didn't."

I pouted. "I don't remember you ever being this mean."

"You were probably too busy trying to shag her to notice," Fred spoke dismissively.

I glared at him. "I'm beginning to think I'm in the not-liking- _you_ phase," I growled before glancing over at Alice who I was relieved to see looked like she was biting back a laugh and not a glare. "Ignore him. He was dropped on his head a lot as a kid. Used to chew on the lead paint of his crib, too. Fell down the stairs a few times if I recall."

Alice just laughed and wrapped her arm around my waist. "How about we get out of here before Fred says anything else to embarrass you?"

I couldn't but agree.

Fred, however, had a different take on it.

"It's cute that you think I won't find ways to embarrass him at the bar."

I decided shoving him into the door was the best way to respond.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

The bar was fairly uncrowded, which wasn't all that surprising seeing as it was a Monday night. We took occupancy of a booth in the corner before ordering a round of drinks. It felt freeing to get out of the castle for a while, just like I had on Saturday only this time I was happy to be surrounded by company. I couldn't believe I had thought being alone was better than being with the people I cared about, maybe the only people I cared about. All of us had gone through a lot that year but it only made us stronger, and happier, and for that I'd always appreciate them.

"Hold on," I was currently laughing into my lager, "You snogged _Finch_?"

Ryleigh made a face. "I was fourteen and getting drunk for the very first time. It seemed like a good idea at the time."

"How much therapy did you need to get over it?" I joked.

She shot me a look. "I don't know if you should be the one talking, Mr. I've Snogged Every Girl In Hogwarts At Least Twice."

I rolled my eyes. "That's a wildly untrue generalization. If anyone here has snogged every girl in Hogwarts at least twice, it's my cousin," I said, grinning over at Fred.

He sighed. "Is this because I talked about you shagging Hattie in front of Alice?"

"Yes."

He stifled a laugh and turned to Ryleigh, "Please tell me you'll dance with me so we can get away from this dickwad."

"Hm, is the word 'dickwad' making a comeback?" I mused.

"I've been dancing with you all night," Ryleigh said apologetically. "My feet are tired. Ask someone else."

Fred pouted. "Okay, fine, but just know it won't be nearly as much fun as with you," he said, offering her a quick kiss before glancing across the table at Alice and me.

Alice finished off her drink quickly and slipped out of the booth. "Alright, you can take me for a spin around the dance floor."

He hesitated. "Well, this is embarrassing. I was going to ask James."

She laughed and smacked him in the back of head for good measure. "Get your arse on that dance floor before I smack you again."

He grinned goofily and obliged, the two of them heading to the front of the room where the tables were all pushed to the side and the few couples that were there in the bar were dancing to the live music.

I watched my cousin spin my girlfriend around, the wide grin on her face only putting a smile on my own. She looked so happy and even after everything I had been forced to deal with recently in regards to my family and Quidditch, it was hard not to feel happy when she was around.

"Man, you've got it real bad for her, don't you."

I glanced over at Ryleigh who was chuckling contemplatively at me. "What?"

She nodded over to where Alice was. "I knew you liked her. I knew you liked her a lot. I didn't know you loved her."

Everything inside of me froze at those words. "Uh, no, we're not quite there yet," I said a little too hastily.

Her eyes didn't stray from mine but she goofy grin on her face faded into one of serious scrutiny. "You may not want to be," she spoke softly, "But I'm pretty sure you are."

I opened my mouth to argue once again, to tell her she didn't know what she was talking about, but the words wouldn't form. And that suddenly made me feel very on edge which in turn made me feel unexpectedly nervous. Because most of the time, I had no problem ignoring it or laughing it off.

And yet this time, I didn't.

Ignoring the sudden racing in my heart, I looked at Ryleigh and asked, "How did you know you loved Fred?"

She seemed surprised by the question for she was probably expecting an argument from me just as much as I had been expecting to give her one. "It wasn't one thing he did," she spoke, her gaze instinctively falling on Fred who was currently trying to dip a protesting Alice. "It happened over time. In the beginning, the very idea of love seemed impossible and then at some point, it didn't. He was so caring and attentive and nurturing. He made me feel special. He said all the right things, accepted my flaws without a hesitation, and he appreciated me for me. I felt myself smiling more, thinking about him all the time, needing to be with him every chance I had. And there just came a point where I knew I couldn't live my life without him."

Her words send an eerie shiver down my spine for her words had hit a little to close to home for the sole reason that while I had always appreciated Alice, it had come to my attention recently just how much I needed her in my life. _Just how much I couldn't live without her_.

But was this love? Needing someone so desperately that it hurt when they weren't around? Feeling a flutter in my heart every time she looked at me or offered me a smile? Dealing with an intense amount of passion and lust and desire that was sometimes almost too much to bear? Thinking about her all the time and hating every moment we didn't spend together?

 _Was this what love felt like_?

It couldn't be. I hadn't seen it coming, wasn't prepared for my heart to feel something I never knew it could feel. Falling in love wasn't supposed to happen to me. It was never part of my plan.

Then again, dating Alice had never been part of my plan either.

And now, I couldn't imagine not being with her.

"It's okay if you're not ready to say it, or even admit it, James," Ryleigh spoke softly. "But I just want you to know that it's also okay to feel it. Don't talk yourself out of it just because you're afraid of what it might mean."

I met the sincerity in her gaze and knew she was thinking back to when Fred broke things off with her because he had been too scared to admit his own feelings, too scared to even believe it could be true.

The question was, was I going to follow in Ryleigh's footsteps or Fred's?

For now, I decided to go with neither.

"Okay" was all I said, my voice soft and cautious.

Ryleigh looked at me hesitantly but only nodded. I wondered if she actually believed me or if she was dropping the subject because our significant others were wandering over to us at that time.

"No offense, James, but Fred's a better dancer than you are," Alice teased as she slid into the bench beside me.

I scoffed. "How am I not supposed to take offense to that?"

"Don't worry," she said, nestling into my side, "He may be a better dancer, but you're still the one I'd rather be dancing with.

I considered this for a moment. "Yeah, okay, I'll chalk that up to a win," I said and we all laughed while I leaned over to press a kiss to her forehead.

I wasn't naïve to think that Ryleigh's words would just go away for I knew I'd probably spend a lot of my free time fretting over them, but once upon a time, they would have scared me or would have had me panicking or freaking out or even running, and now the only thing I felt was confusion.

Because for so long I believed I was incapable of feeling love and now here was this girl that made me feel everything in the world.

Only problem was, I didn't know anything about that world.

But I guess I was about to find out.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"Well, lookie who it is, Bitter Potter."

I stopped at the Entrance Hall stairwell the next morning and turned around with a sigh as Brooks and Callum made their way towards me.

"Not to confuse that with Better Potter which is clearly Bitter Potter's brother," Cal smirked.

My eyebrow shot up. "It's far too early for tongue-twisters, Finch."

"Oh, so you need us to spell it out?" Brooks smirked. " _Your team sucks, Potter_."

"I seem to remember that supposed sucky team beating your arses," I drawled.

"And yet, you still won't make a final," he bragged. "Hope you enjoyed your last game on the pitch, Potter."

"Hope you enjoy getting crushed by Slytherin in your last game on the pitch," I seethed, quickly stepping past the two of them and trekking into the Great Hall before either of them could retort.

I greeted Alice with a kiss to the top of her heart before settling in beside her. "Tell me you're proud of me."

She stopped her fork midway to give me a look. "Dare I ask why?"

"I had the chance to sock Pruitt in the face and I took the high road."

She hesitated before dropping her fork to her plate with a sigh. "Let me guess, you kicked him instead."

Dammit, I should have thought of that myself.

"Nah, but don't think I won't do it the next time he tries to pick a fight with me," I teased.

She rolled her eyes and returned to her breakfast. "Where are your roommates?"

I reached for a scone before answering. "I left Fred and Dash to argue over the shower while Jessup was attempting to straighten his very crooked tie which is going to be difficult because I might have put an everlasting curving spell on it last night."

She tried to suppress a smile but I definitely detected one. "Well, so much for the high road."

I grinned and pressed a kiss to her temple before returning to my breakfast. The table remained empty for a while until the Owl Post came along. When a letter was dropped in front of me, I stiffened on instinct but quickly realized that the owl was Teddy's so graciously offered a piece of bacon to the owl before peeling open the envelope.

Two letters fell out, confusing me. I reached for the first one and opened it, only reading the first eight words that said " _I love you, James. Please don't ignore me_ " to recognize that it was not in Teddy's handwriting but in fact in my mother's bloody handwriting.

I almost ripped up Teddy's letter out of spite but stopped myself at the last minute.

 _J,_

 _Okay, in my defense, your mother told me she'd force your father to stick me on desk duty for the next month if I didn't try to sneak her letter in. And I don't know if you know this, but desk duty is quite literally the most boring thing on the planet and before you tell me that your father never would have actually done it, I think we both know that Ginny Weasley can pretty much make anyone do anything._

 _But, and please don't hate me for saying this, I do think you need to give your mother a bit of slack. Whatever is going on between you and your father isn't her fault. Don't punish her for your father's faults._

 _I hope things are better now for you than they were on Saturday. I hate to see you down. Look to the sky, kiddo. We both know how much you love it there anyway._

 _Love, T_

"That traitor," I grumbled under my breath.

"Who?"

I looked up, surprised to see that Fred had joined us. "Teddy. He snuck a letter from Mum inside his own. Don't they know I can just as easily tear it up from his envelope than one of her own?"

Fred and Alice exchanged a look and I sighed. "What?"

"We didn't say anything," Fred said quickly.

"But you want to," I drawled, "So out with it."

They exchanged another look before Fred reluctantly spoke, holding up a letter in his hand that I hadn't even realized he received. "I got a letter from my father asking me to try to get you to hear your mother out."

"I got one from your father," Alice said softly, holding hers up.

"I got one from my mother," a new voice chimed in and I whirled around as Rose came up behind me.

Suddenly, I felt very ganged up on. If I knew Mum at all, this was her last resort, a desperate attempt to get me to see that she cared, so much that she was willing to beg other people to help her with her problems. I knew it wasn't done maliciously, that all she wanted was for me to hear her pleas. Talking to me hadn't worked so she was hoping bearing her soul in a letter might.

I knew then just how desperate she was, which almost made me feel guilty for shutting her out. Almost.

But I was to busy feeling betrayed to feel guilt.

"Good to know that my mother is spreading our private business around to the entire family," I snapped as I abruptly picked myself off the bench. "As if I need other people disappointed in me, too."

I abandoned my breakfast and stormed out of the Great Hall, wondering if Brooks and Cal were still around for me to kick.

They weren't.

Dammit.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I sat in the Quidditch bleachers with my mother's letter in my hands. I blamed Teddy for me not immediately lighting it on fire.

 _Don't punish her for your father's faults._

He was unfortunately right. I was punishing her for simply being married to someone and that wasn't fair. It's not her fault she had horrible taste in men.

But then again, maybe it was.

So many times I thought of ripping that letter up, letting our last conversation after the Quidditch game be the end of it. I told her I hadn't wanted a relationship with her and while I hadn't necessarily meant it at the time, a part of me did now. She was always going to my Dad's wife and seeing as he wanted nothing to do with me and I wanted nothing to do with him, maybe it was better for Mum and me to also go our separate ways. Ripping up that letter would mean saying goodbye to her and to the relationship, albeit an unsteady one, we once had.

And yet I couldn't rip it up.

But then again, I couldn't seem to open it either.

I was tangled up in so many different emotions that I could barely see straight. Thinking straight was even harder. My thoughts kept returning to the last conversation we had. I had been incredibly harsh to her, more so than I had ever been in the past. I had wanted to walk away from that conversation so badly that I said anything I could to hurt her. And it worked. I knew it worked and I pretended not to care. And maybe there were times I didn't. Maybe there were times I believed that she'd almost always choose his side over mine so why should I feel bad for hurting her when she was unwittingly doing the same to me. Maybe there were times I thought it would just be easier to dismiss her just like I had dismissed Dad and Albus. Maybe there were times I thought my life might be easier if I just emancipated myself completely from a family who never really gave a damn about me. Because all I wanted, all I had ever really wanted, was to feel free. I wanted to feel a lightness in my heart instead of the pain and anxiety I had grown up with. I wanted to smile and mean it.

Ripping that letter up might make me smile.

But then again, it might just hurt more.

Ten minutes had passed and I knew that it was only a matter of time before Alice showed up by my side but still I just stared at the stark white of the parchment back. I didn't know what was in it, whether it was going to be another bunch of excuses for Dad or whether it wasn't going to be about Dad at all, but I wondered if not knowing was better than finding out she resented me just as much as I sometimes resented her. I was afraid she hated me after what I said, after telling her I wanted her to have no part in my life, and while I couldn't exactly blame her for that, I also was fine never having to hear it from her.

She had started the letter off with _"I love you, James_." That could be an "I love you, James, and I'm sorry I let you down" kind of I-love-you or it could be an "I love you, James, but I have to let you go" kind of an I-love-you.

And I wasn't embarrassed to admit that I was terrified of finding out which one it was.

It wasn't much longer after that that I saw a shadow make its way on to the field. But when it approached me, I was both shocked and annoyed to find out it wasn't Alice at all. It was her father.

I immediately scowled. "Oh for the love of Merlin. Is my mother having you beg me to read her-"

"James."

It was just one word but it sent an eerie chill down the pack of my spine. In examining my professor closer, I saw the heartbreak in his sunken cheeks and regretful eyes and ashen face. My heart immediately fell into my stomach, somehow rendering me speechless as I stared at Neville with scared eyes. I said nothing, waiting for him to tell me what I knew I wouldn't want to hear.

"Something bad has happened, James."

I looked him in the eye and even though I was afraid of the answer, I still asked the only question that mattered. "What happened?"

There was a long silence before he spoke. And when he did, I so wish he hadn't.

"It's your mother. She's been attacked."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

 **A/N:** Cliffhanger! And a somewhat clichéd one at that, I'll admit. But who doesn't love a good cliché every now and then?

Up next: how will everyone cope?


	35. Dead Mom

**A/N:** There's no point in writing a lot here because I know you are all just eager to find out what happens to Ginny. So let's dive right in, shall we?

* * *

 **A WAY WITH WORDS**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 35: Dead Mom

" _You're my home  
My destination  
And I'm your clone  
Your strange creation  
You held my hand  
And life came easy  
Now jokes don't land  
And no one sees me  
Nothing seems to fit  
Mamma is this it?  
Are you receiving?  
I want something to believe in  
_ _Or I'm done_ _  
_ _Take me where my soul can run_ _."  
_ -Sophia Anne Caruso

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"It's your mother. She's been attacked."

I stared into the red eyes of my professor, and an old family friend, blinking my show of confusion. Slowly, my gaze fell to the letter in my hand, _the letter that Mum wrote me_. "No," was all I managed to say.

It wasn't a moan or a cry of grief. I literally didn't believe him.

He sat down beside me but I swiftly pulled myself off the bench, wanting nothing to do with him in that moment. He was lying to me or fabricating a story or being rude on purpose, just to bait me. But my mother was fine. I had the letter she wrote to me to prove it.

"You're wrong," I growled at him. "She's fine."

His bottom lip shook just slightly. "A group of men cornered her just outside of Diagon Alley," he spoke in a soft voice. "They've been apprehended and are currently in custody but-"

"Stop! Why are you saying this to me? _She's fine,"_ I hissed, frantically shaking my head.

"I pray to God she will be, James," he pleaded. "She's at St. Mungo's right now. She's unconscious and the Healers are working on her. She was beat up pretty badly. They…they don't know when or if she's going to wake up but they're doing everything they can."

I ignored my heart as it squeezed down on every organ in my body. "They have the wrong person. She's-"

"They don't, James," he said, pulling himself off the bench.

He tried to put his hand on my shoulder but I backed away quickly. "She wrote me a letter this morning!" I said, aware of just how volatile and frantic I was beginning to sound. "She's okay. She's…she's fine. They have the wrong person."

"James-"

" _I'm telling you, they have the wrong person,"_ I whispered hoarsely before dashing off across the bleachers and down the stairwell and across the pitch, running faster than I've ever before, running as if my life depended on it.

Only, it wasn't my life in question.

I could feel the tears welling up in the back of my eyes but I blinked them back, refusing to cry for if I let the tears fall it would be like admitting my mother was the one Neville was talking about, the one at St. Mungo's fighting for her life. But it wasn't her. _It couldn't be her_.

And so instead of focusing on the tears or the ache in my heart, I just ran. I didn't know where to, I barely remember my feet hitting the ground, but I kept going, putting Neville's words in my rearview mirror.

When I finally stopped running, finally paused to attempt to catch a breath, it took me only a second to realize that I was standing just outside of Hogsmeade near the old caves. I had been running for nearly an hour. I had a pain in my side, but it couldn't seem to erase the pain in my heart.

I backtracked and returned to the empty village. Hog's Head was closed seeing as it was still early morning but I noticed a light on at Three Broomsticks. I took my chances and pushed my hand against the front door. It opened so I wandered in.

"Sorry, we aren't open—James?"

I looked up at Rosmerta, the owner of the establishment. "Hi."

"What…" she looked both confused and concerned, "What are you doing here at nine o'clock on a Wednesday morning?"

That was a very good question.

"Got any firewhisky lying around?" I croaked out.

The confusion in her eyes faded as the concern took over. "Is everything okay?"

I just stared at her, too afraid to either nod or shake my head.

She frowned and nodded to the empty booth closest to us. "Why don't you take a seat and I'll grab you a glass of water."

"Something stronger would be preferable," I murmured but I obliged her request and dropped into the bench with a defeated sigh.

She came back with the water and I downed it in nearly one gulp, only then realizing that I was practically sweating through my clothes, which was an impressive feat for a cold March day.

Or was it April now?

I tried to remember the actual date, counting down from Alice's birthday, but stopped halfway through because I knew all I was doing was trying to stop myself from thinking about the only thing, or person, that mattered.

I reached into my back pocket and pulled out the now very crumpled letter that I received from Mum just that morning. I held it in my hands, just staring at the back of the bright white parchment, too scared to even consider opening it. Before, I had been afraid to open it to find out what was inside. Now, I feared they may be her last words to me.

Which only then reminded me of my own.

I did everything in my power to upset and hurt her after that Quidditch match. I accused her of never being on my side. I told her I was fine even though we both knew I wasn't. I told her I didn't want to talk to her about anything ever. And I told her that I didn't want a relationship with her. I gave up on her very much the same way Dad gave up on me.

What happens if the last memory she'd ever have about me was one full of resentment and antagonism?

What happens if she dies thinking that I didn't love her?

 _What happens if she dies_?

Before, I wondered if saying goodbye to her and to our relationship was what I needed.

But maybe all that I really needed was her.

I felt the tears collecting in my eyes again and I blinked them back for a second time, shutting my eyes and counting to ten slowly in my head as I tried to catch my breath.

When I finally opened them, Alice was sitting across from me.

My throat closed up just looking at her, seeing her own swollen eyes and blotchy cheeks and the pain in her desolate expression. I didn't know if she was hurting for me or for herself, maybe a combination of both, but I both hated her and loved her for it.

"I'm sorry, James," Alice whispered, her bottom lip trembling, "I'm so sorry."

"It's not her," I pleaded, shaking my head. "It can't be her. They have the wrong person. They… _they have the wrong person."_

Tears welled in her eyes and one slipped out as she she reached across the table and pulled my hand into hers, squeezing it tightly. That one simple motion, one of comfort and compassion and love and heartbreak, so much heartbreak, was enough to tell me that they weren't the ones that were wrong, I was.

My mother was lying unconscious in a hospital bed.

And there was a chance she might not wake up.

The tears stung the backs of my eyes once again, tears of grief and confusion and heartbreak and ultimately so much guilt. For pushing her away when she hadn't once deserved it, for begging her to leave me be. But I didn't mean like this. Never like this.

Alice said nothing as she slid out from her bench and shuffled around the table to sit beside me. I could tell she was blinking back her own tears as she gently rested her head into the nook of my shoulder. She reached for my hand and I let her hold it, mostly because I didn't have the energy to push her away. But we just sat there in silence, her stroking the top of my hand with her thumb and me almost completely numb to it.

I don't know how long we sat there like that but eventually I found my voice, though the fire in my throat was also there. "She wrote me a letter this morning, Ace," I choked out. "Hours, maybe even minutes, before..." I couldn't even admit out loud that she was attacked. It hurt too much.

She looked down at the folded-up parchment on the table in front of me. "Have you..." she trailed off, looking at me with intense curiosity.

"Read it?" I whispered before slowly shaking my head. "No."

"Do you want to?"

I squeezed my eyes shut and shook my head. "I don't know," I whispered, the words nearly catching in my throat. "I made her think I didn't care about her, Ace. I made her think she was nothing to me just like Dad. I made her think I didn't want or need her in my life. And then…this?"

I felt more tears in my eyes and though I tried desperately to blink them back, I felt a few slip out. I never cried. I never allowed myself to. But my mother was one of the only people in my life who hadn't given up on me even when I had given her so many chances to and now life was giving up on her and I somehow felt a whole burden of responsibility no matter how unreasonable that sounded.

Alice seemed to pick up on that because she reached her hand up and planted it on my cheek. "Open your eyes, Jay. Look at me."

I brought my free hand up to my eyes and dabbed at them before slowly opening them and daring to look my girlfriend in the eyes. In doing so, I saw matching tears staring back at me.

" _This is not your fault_ ," she pleaded with an unexpected firmness. "You didn't do this. You didn't somehow will it to happen. _This is not on you._ Do you hear me?"

I said nothing at first, trying to tame my emotions before speaking again. "If she dies thinking that I didn't care about her…" I trailed off, unable to even fathom that very possibility. I had always believed that I already lived in a world of constant anguish. But the past eighteen years were nothing compared to the idea of living in a world of constant regret. Because I knew if I lost her that I'd spend the rest of my life reliving that last memory with Mum over and over again. I'd spend the rest of my life in self-hatred. I'd spend the rest of my life in constant hell.

Or maybe I was already there.

"She's not dead, Jay," Alice pleaded. "She's fighting for her life at St. Mungo's. Your whole family is there right now, or at least on their way. You should be there, too. She'd want you there."

I wasn't so sure about that.

I let out an inward sigh at the very thought of facing my family, all of whom now knew that my mother and I had recently grown estranged and that she had been looking to reconcile, or at least try, while I had done what I apparently do best and turned my back on her. I could already feel all of their judgmental eyes on me, looking at me with the same amount of disappointment that I was already used to and yet somehow sounded so much worse coming from my mother's deathbed.

"Will you come with me?" I croaked out, aware of how desperate I sounded and not caring one bit.

She nodded. "I already cleared it with Dad."

I felt her squeeze my hand before attempting to slide out of the bench but I reeled her back in. "No, not yet," I pleaded as I wrapped my arm securely around her shoulder and drew her tightly to my side. She seemed to understand for she relaxed into my touch and rested her head against my shoulder once again.

I wasn't ready to face my family, or my mother.

Or maybe it was just me I was trying to avoid.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Four or five hours later, we did pull ourselves off that bench, walked out of the Three Broomsticks, and apparated to St. Mungo's. So much time had passed since Neville had found me on those Quidditch bleachers so I had to question whether my family was wondering where I was or somehow understood how I was feeling so wasn't wondering at all.

I decided in the end that it didn't really matter. The only thing that mattered was my mother.

We were directed down a small corridor on the fourth floor and in turning the corner, I suddenly became inundated by a sea of red. The hallway was lined with my family members and friends alike and in spotting them, I immediately tensed up.

I was still holding Alice's hand so she must have felt it for she squeezed my hand and said, "It'll be okay, Jay."

If only I had her optimism.

My feet felt like lead as I wandered down the hallway. I was only halfway there when a sequence of eyes looked up. My heart tightened within my chest as Lily broke away from the crowd and rushed over to me with fresh tears in her eyes. She practically flew into my arms and without letting go of Alice's hand, I managed to wrap my free arm around her and embrace her tightly.

"How is…" were the only two words I was able to say.

Lily pulled back, swiping the tears underneath her eyes. "No change."

I nodded numbly. "And how does…" I trailed off again.

She met my gaze with the most painful of expressions. "She doesn't look good, James."

My heart fell into my stomach at those blunt words but I said nothing as I took the final steps towards the rest of the family. I noticed that my father was nowhere to be seen and in all the chaos of the day I almost forgot to remember how much on the outs we were. That was certainly going to make for an uncomfortable exchange.

I made my way through the hellos and the tears and the how-are-yous, though if you asked me later what was said, I'd have very little recollection of it all. I somehow felt numb to it, either in denial of where I was and what was happening or just too brokenhearted to feel anything, but I do know that I held on to Alice's hand the entire time and I had never been more grateful for her in my entire life.

A Healer had come out to speak to all of us some time later but what I got out of it was that my mother was still showing no signs of change. I found out from Fred that in some post-war effort to punish my father, three large men attached her from behind, all of whom were caught thanks to a few Good Samaritans who jumped in to help try to save the day. Mum had been submitted into the hospital with so many broken bones and gashes and bruises across her various limbs and while all of those have been healed up, all that any of us could do was wait for any sign of brain activity which was currently next to nothing.

But next to nothing was better than nothing.

Or so I told myself.

Grandmum told me I could visit Mum alone and I nodded but as soon as I got to her closed door, I just stood motionless outside it, suddenly too scared and too cowardly to see what was lying directly behind it.

"I couldn't go in either."

I jumped, realizing only then that I had completely disregarded all thoughts of my brother throughout the day.

Looking into Albus' red eyes, I could see that he had been crying. He clearly didn't care to hide it.

Changing the subject away from Mum, I asked the question I had been wondering for the better half of the last hour. "Where's Dad?"

Albus frowned and shrugged. "I don't know."

My eyebrows furrowed. "He's not here?"

"He is," Albus muttered. "I just don't know where. Apparently we inherited that whole not-able-to-walk-through-that-door thing from him."

I was aware that my relationship with my father was rocky, or perhaps even nonexistent at that point, but I felt my heart tightening with unexpected agony at the very thought that the one thing my always-strong and resilient father, a guy who had stared down so much danger in his life, couldn't seem to face was his own dying wife.

Sneaking a peek towards Alice, I saw her looking at me with what I could only assume was very empathetic eyes and I had a suspicion that she understood exactly what was running through my mind in that moment.

"Have you seen him?" I asked Albus curiously.

Albus' eyes darkened. The sadness that was there quickly faded into irritation. "Oh, so apparently you're only going to care about him when his wife is quite possibly on her deathbed?"

I winced at those blunt words, though I couldn't be sure exactly which of his many blunt words made me cringe. "Can we not do this now, Al?" I sighed.

His frustration grew. "Of course not. Because that would mean having to acknowledge what a complete dick you've been to everyone in this family."

I wondered if he was talking about himself or Mum or Dad or if he was talking about my disappearing act from the entire family for the day.

Or maybe it was just a combination of all of the above.

Either way, my response was the same. "Right, because you haven't been one to me?" I fired back irritably.

His eyes darkened. "You deserved it," he sneered before turning on his heel and rushing off in the opposite direction.

I wish I could say he was wrong but he wasn't. I had been an expert at pushing away everyone in my life who had only ever been trying to fight for a way in. I was so blind, too hurt by prior heartbreak and betrayal to see past any of it. I was so desperate to believe I was fine on my own, so eager to shun anyone and everyone around me. Maybe they had at some point said things that stunned me and hurt me but I had done the same to them. So maybe I deserved everything I ever got in return.

But did I also deserve a mother fighting for her life?

Did I somehow cause that, too?

Suddenly that massive, five-floor building with over one-thousand rooms and nearly double that in people felt very small and claustrophobic.

My chest felt tight and I found it nearly impossible to breathe, the onset of a panic attack making its way through my every vein, and I did the only thing I could think of.

I dropped Alice's hand and I fled.

Because evidently running away was about the only thing I was good at.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I found myself standing outside of Diagon Alley, wondering exactly where it was in that vicinity that my mother was attacked from behind. I saw no sign of a struggle or any outward signs that anything out of the ordinary had happened but then again, it had been nearly eight hours since she was assaulted so I had to assume whatever crime scene had been there had been long cleaned up.

My mother's life was hanging in the balance and the only current evidence there was to show for it was her unconscious body.

Life truly was cruel sometimes.

Or maybe it was cruel all the time.

My eyes instinctively grazed towards the Leaky Cauldron sign in the near distance swinging with the light winter breeze. I realized only at that time that I was very much without a cloak or a jacket and yet I felt no cold. I felt nothing at all.

I swung the front door open and wandered into a near-empty pub, which wasn't completely surprising since it was only just after four o'clock and therefore it wasn't quite yet the hour for the drunks to come running.

I strolled up to the bar and dropped into one of the many empty barstools. I absentmindedly picked up a menu, not that I didn't have it memorized already, and scanned it just to keep my mind occupied. It couldn't have been more than a minute before AJ was strolling out of the kitchen with a crateful of clean glasses levitating beside her.

She did a double-take when she saw me, her eyes turning unexpectedly compassionate as she slowly made her way towards me. Dropping the glasses on a ledge behind the bar, she asked me softly, "What are you doing here?"

That was different than her usual 'get out now' greeting.

Guess I didn't have to ask her if she had heard about my mother.

"Do you know where exactly it happened?" I asked, gesturing towards the general direction of the door.

She seemed to know what my question was in reference to as a sad frown settled into her expression. "No," she spoke softly. "And if I did, I probably wouldn't tell you. It's better that you don't know."

I just nodded numbly and said nothing more.

"Do you want a drink?" she asked, reaching for the bottle of firewhisky before I could even answer.

I watched her pour it into a glass and push it towards me. I glanced at it warily. "Did you poison it?"

"You literally just saw me pour it," she said with a shake of the head. "When would I have had time to poison it?"

"I assume you just keep a poisoned bottle of firewhisky behind the bar for all the times I come through here."

She started to roll her eyes but stopped. "Bloody hell, why had I never considered that?"

If I was in any sort of joking mood, I might have cracked a smile. But my mother was dying so I didn't.

I just glanced down at the glass in front of me but didn't take it. I didn't really want it. I wasn't there for that. I knew then that I was there for something entirely different.

Looking up at AJ, I blurted out, "You shutting out your sister is really hurting her, AJ."

Her mouth parted in both confusion and shock as she mulled over my words. "You're here to talk about my sister?" she asked, the smallest hint of warning in her tone.

I hesitated before nodding. "Yeah, I guess I am."

She swiftly took the firewhisky glass away from me and poured the contents down the drain. "Good-bye, James."

She tried walking away but I refused to let that be the last of it. "I understand that you're confused and upset and hurt but aren't you even going to try to see it from Alice's perspective?" I called after her.

" _You don't understand anything_ ," she seethed, whirling around to glare at me. "This has nothing to do with you so how about you focus on what really matters now and stop using me as your distraction."

She wasn't wrong to say that I was using her predicament with Alice as a distraction from my thoughts of my mother, but she was very wrong about to say that this had nothing to do with me.

"Don't tell me this has nothing to do with me," I pleaded, "Because when Alice is hurting, I am, too. She isn't just some fling of the week to me, AJ. She's my best friend and always has been."

"You might get best friend status, James, but she's my sister. I'm the one who's been taking care of her for the past twelve years if you haven't noticed," she cut me off, her tone as cool as ice. "So when I say this has nothing to do with you, I mean _this has nothing to do with you_."

I looked up at her, her eyes swirling with anger and frustration. I couldn't be sure if that was directed at me or Alice but I realized then it didn't matter. "You haven't been the only one taking care of her, AJ," I spoke softly, "And no, I'm not talking about your dad."

She let out an exasperated scoff. "Oh, don't give me that 'I've been just as much her family as you have' bullshit," she snapped.

"It's not bullshit," I pleaded. "You're her older sister, AJ, and I would never try to take that away from you, but I'm the one that's been by her side through everything. _Everything_. I'm the one who was there when she made the Quidditch team. When she made prefect. When she got her first kiss. When she got her first heartbreak. I'm the one who sat by her side at her mother's grave when your grandmother died. I was there on her first day of Hogwarts and I'll be there on her last. I'm the one who punched Doug Flatley ten years ago because he was bullying Ace. I was there when she got her first E. I stayed up all night with her when she felt unprepared for O.W.L.s and I was the one who brought her to the hospital wing for a calming draught the next morning. I'm the one who helped her pick out her first broom and who signed the very first quaffle she scored. And I was the one with her when she was told that your mother had died. I was the one holding her hand when they lowered your…your mother's casket into the ground. I was the one who didn't leave her side for five days as she succumbed to tears. And I was the one who could get her to smile again. So don't tell me I haven't been taking care of her, AJ, because that's all I've been doing since the day she was born!"

I couldn't help the desperate hysteria that filtered through my tone as I spoke to AJ, the words of their deceased mother catching in my throat as I considered the possibility that I may soon be watching my own mother be lowered into the ground.

Tears sprang to my eyes at that very thought and I quickly turned my gaze away from AJ in an attempt to furiously blink them away.

She just stared at me as surprise and guilt and an overwhelming amount of empathy flashed across her expression. Nothing was said but I could tell her emotions were getting the better of her, just like mine were getting the better of me.

"How's your mother doing?" she choked out and when I glanced up, I saw that she, too, was fighting back tears.

"We're not talking about my family," I said hastily. "We're talking about yours."

She grew unusually quiet then, though I could practically see the wheels turning in her head as she considered her next words.

When she spoke, I heard such raw grief in her words that it almost rendered me to tears.

"I was eleven when Mum died," she murmured. "And it was the single hardest thing I've ever had to go through. I didn't mind taking over that motherly role for Alice. That was easy. The hard part was knowing that she'd go through life wishing that it wasn't me taking care of her, but Mum."

"That's not tr-"

"It is true," she cut me off with a shake of the head. "And that's okay. I get it. Having an older sister watch over you is far different than a mother. But we made it work. I talked about Mum all the time because I didn't want Alice to forget her. Or…maybe I was the one who didn't want to forget her. I don't know. Either way, I thought this inn was where we felt the closest to her. It's certainly where I've always felt closest to her. At some point, Alice and I started making plans together about how we were going to take it over and turn it into the establishment that would have made Mum proud. The kind of place that she had always wanted. We dreamed of being a dynamic duo, of being partners, of being together under the roof that Mum had helped rebuild. I just…I guess I never realized that her dreams changed."

"They didn't," I pleaded. "She wants all that. She wants to be a part of this inn and this pub and this family. But she wants to do something for herself first."

AJ turned away, a curious frown settling into her hurt expression. "I get that," she admitted, surprising me. "I just don't get why."

I realized then that AJ wasn't upset or hurt that Alice was choosing a different plan. She was upset and hurt because she didn't know why and that made her think that perhaps she didn't know her sister at all.

Her eyes locked with mine. "You say you've been taking care of my sister for eighteen years," she spoke in such a quiet tone. "I'm now wondering if you were the only one to take care of her."

I swiftly shook my head, feeling my heart ache at the incredible amount of desperation in her tone, an emotion I had never once seen from her. "That's not true, AJ. She loves you and she appreciates everything you've ever done for her," I spoke softly. "Alice has said on numerous occasions that she would come work at this inn, become your partner right after school if it made you happy. She had said that you have spent half of your life taking care of her and she'd be happy to return the favor."

AJ looked at me skeptically. "She would do that?"

I nodded. "She would do it in a heartbeat. She would do anything for you, anything to make you happy," I urged. "But what about her happiness, AJ? You said earlier that this pub and this inn has always been what makes you feel close to your mother. But being on a broom, that feeling of freedom and the sense of peace that comes with flying, that's when Alice feels close to her. Picking up a pencil or a paintbrush and putting it to paper, that's when Alice feels close to her. Studying hard and feeling proud of herself, that's Alice's way of feeling as if her mother is proud of her, too. This inn will always remind her of her mother. But the rest of those things don't just remind her of her mother, they make her feel like her mother is still somehow a part of her. And she's not ready to give that up yet."

Those words seemed to effect AJ more than any others I had spoken, the broken expression on her face filled with so much remorse. "I love my sister, James."

I nodded. "I know you do."

"I really do want her to be happy."

"I know."

"I just…" she trailed off.

"Never considered the fact that she might be able to find happiness elsewhere?"

AJ's eyes locked with mine and she offered me a single nod. "I don't have a lot in my life. I have Dad, I have Alice, I have Victoire, and I have this place. This place is my home. It always has been. I just…I never realized that it wasn't Alice's."

I sensed so much regret in AJ's words that it almost caused my heart to ache. Almost. "Alice's home will always be with you, AJ," I spoke softly, "Even if it's not this inn."

She met my gaze, the surprise evident in her otherwise guarded eyes. "I never took you for the profound type, James."

She certainly had a point. Only - "I guess Alice has a habit of bringing my profoundness out," I said softly. Looking up at her, I offered her a quick shrug and said, "You're not losing her, AJ. You won't ever lose her. I can guarantee that she will never let that happen. She's not looking to shut you out of her life, AJ. Right now, you're the only one doing that."

Guilt filtered through her expression at those blunt words and she quickly turned away with a heavy sigh. She said nothing for a while, enough that I wanted to shake her and tell her to snap out of it but I somehow managed to refrain from doing so.

Eventually, she looked up at me with regret in her eyes. "I've been pretty selfish lately, haven't I?" she murmured.

My eyebrow shot upward. "Well, you just saved me from having to say it."

She tried glaring at me but I saw the upward twitch in her lips. I felt an odd sense of pride in that considering I had never before caused outward amusement from AJ by insulting her.

AJ turned away from me and poured firewhisky into an empty glass. Sliding it across the bartop to me, she said, "Okay, you earned this back."

If I could have or wanted to smile, I might have. "I still think you poisoned it."

She didn't crack a smile. "Drink it and get back to your mother," she spoke softly. "You'll regret it later if you don't."

Just when I thought I had thoroughly distracted myself from what lies in wait at St. Mungo's.

With a sigh, I drank the firewhisky in one gulp and left the pub.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I didn't go back to St. Mungo's. AJ's words about regret rang perpetually in my ear but the cowardice in me seemed to trump that. I couldn't face her. I couldn't face anyone. I felt too guilty, too horrible for how things had last transpired between us, and that hospital and my sick mother and my sad family was just too much for me to bear at that moment.

I didn't deserve to feel so much heartbreak and grief for my mother, not when I had caused so much heartbreak and grief for her. My family deserved to be the sad ones, to cry over her ultimate unknown, for they were the ones who had always been there for her.

Me? I was never there for her the way I knew she now deserved.

Instead of heading to the hospital, I wandered around the quiet streets of Diagon Alley and when that got old, I ventured into Muggle London. I had no destination in mind. I just walked, trying to get out of my head and out of my heart. When it grew dark and I became a little too aware that I had no jacket, my fingers growing as numb as my heart, I apparated to the only place I could think of.

Home.

I tried to remember if ever there was a time I had walked through those doors to a completely empty house and came up blank. It had always been full of people, of my chatterbox sister and my storytelling parents and my prolific brother and my loud aunts and uncles and even louder cousins. The silence that met me tonight was eerie, awkward even, as I shut the door behind me and stood hesitantly in the silent foyer. It looked exactly the way as it did when I left it after the Christmas holidays and yet nothing else in the world seemed to be the same.

My mother should have been there to greet me with her usual smile and hug. But all that was there was dead air.

I ventured up the stairwell slowly, as if I was waiting for her to pop her head around the corner and ask what I was doing there on a random school day.

She didn't but there had been a very small part of me that had almost thought she might, that Neville had been wrong and it wasn't my mother behind that St. Mungo's door. That this was just some horrible hoax, a cruel joke the world was playing on me all because I had considered the possibility of letting her go the same way I had everyone else.

I stood at the top of the stairs, my eyes immediately grazing the door to my left, the door that belonged to my parents' bedroom, before I quickly turned in the opposite direction of my own bedroom.

I entered the room and swiftly shut the door behind me, leaning up against it as I desperately tried to catch my breath. My eyes scanned the room and caught sight of the family photos I had tacked to the wall, so many of which containing my mother's smiling face.

Swiftly, I turned away and dropped on to my bed with a tired moan. My head hit the pillow and I lifted my gaze towards the ceiling so as not to look at the collage of photos plastered to the opposite wall, unable to face my mother even in photo form.

I didn't know how long I lay there trying to completely close off my mind to all thoughts but I lifted my head from my pillow curiously when I heard footsteps on the stairwell. The irrational side of my brain had a very brief thought that maybe it was my mother coming to tell me that she was fine before my rational side took over and told me I was being ridiculous.

It wasn't my mother but it was the next best option.

"You're a hard person to track down, James Potter," Alice said as her head appeared in my now-open door.

"Sorry I ran out like that," I said sincerely, scooting over and patting the bed beside me. She, however, remained rooted in the doorway.

"Don't be," she said, shaking her head. "I know how overwhelming all of this is for you."

I said nothing.

"Which is why I find it interesting that you talked to AJ on my behalf," she spoke in a voice barely above a whisper

I slowly sat up in bed, a deer in headlights look prominently displayed on my face. "Uh," I said, clearing my throat. "In my defense, she wasn't supposed to tell you that."

She shook her head just slightly. "It's okay, Jay. I'm just surprised, that's all."

My heart tightened. "You shouldn't be," I murmured. "We all know how good I am at finding a distraction from any sort of feelings or emotions that may unexpectedly flare up."

"Oh, no, I'm not surprised at all that you found a whole other dilemma to sort out," Alice said, shaking her head. "I'm just surprised that you went out of your way to talk to my sister. You tend to prefer avoiding her at all costs."

She had a point.

But then again, so did I.

"I saw a window of opportunity and I couldn't not go after it," I explained. "I had to do something."

There was curiosity in her gaze as she spoke next. "This was my family issue. Considering you're dealing with your own family issues right now, you didn't have to get involved in mine."

"Your issues are my issues, Ace," I said. "When you're sad, I'm sad. When you're angry, I'm angry. When you're hurting, I am, too. And if I can do something, anything at all, to change all of that, I will. Even if that means dealing with the devil."

She offered me a faint smile and when I patted the bed next to me again, she finally took me up on it. "You're amazing, you know that?"

I was far from amazing. Just ask Mum.

I said nothing, curling my arm around her lower back and drawing her towards me. She rested her head into the nook of my shoulder, settling her arm across my chest in her usual protective manner. It felt so peaceful, so comfortable, and even though there was so much chaos and turmoil going on in my head, my heart somehow felt lighter. It was incredible how just being in Alice's presence could do that to me.

If only we could stay there forever.

"I know you're going to hate me for asking this but how are you doing?"

I glanced down into the concern in Alice's eyes. "I…" I trailed off, searching for the right words. They never came. "I don't know. I just know that until I know the answer to that question, I can't go back there."

I didn't have to explain where 'there' was.

"I know," she whispered, pressing a kiss to my shoulder.

I felt the tears threatening to appear in the back of my eyes once again and I squeezed my eyes shut. "Just this morning I was wondering if it was best to just rip up my mother's last letter, to forge ahead with no relationship just like I had with Dad and Al. I was convinced that maybe saying goodbye to her and to our relationship was what I was meant to do," I choked out, the words catching in my throat. "And then five minutes later your father is standing there telling me that there was a good chance I might have to."

"Jay," she whispered. She was flush up against my side and yet sounded so far away. "You can't blame yourself. You didn't do this."

 _Then why does it feel like I did_?

I felt a tear slip out and I brought my left hand up to squeeze down on my eyes in an attempt to stop the tears from falling, as if doing so might also make my heart stop breaking.

Her fingers grazed the side of my face, lightly pushing a strand of hair away. "Tell me what you need from me."

I managed to choke back the tears and slowly opened my eyes to look at her. "This," I whispered, tightening my grasp around her waist and pressing a kiss to her forehead. "You. That's…that's all I ever need, Ace."

I could tell there was something she wanted to say, perhaps the same something that I nearly felt compelled to say, but the words remained unspoken as her lips grazed mine with a tender kiss.

But what started out tender turned sensual very quickly.

Maybe I was using this as another distraction or maybe I just needed Alice now more than ever, but whatever the reason is, our bodies seemed to lose all sense of control as our overpowering lust for one another did the talking for us. My hands trailed every inch of her bare skin, our lips danced vehemently against our exposed necks, our bodies crushed up against one another. I have kissed a lot of girls in my lifetime but this surpassed all expectations of what snogging could feel like. Alice was everything to me and if she ever asked me to prove to her just how much I needed her, I wouldn't stop until she was trembling in a pile of helpless limbs unable to move or think.

It only took a few minutes before we were stripped of all clothing, only her knickers left on. My floor was a pile of scattered clothing and outside the wind rattled against the windowpanes, but in that moment there was nothing but the two of us.

"Jay," she whispered as my lips trailed down the side of her breasts.

"Mm?"

"No one else is home, right?"

I looked up at her. "You're only now asking if our house is empty?"

She chuckled, grabbing a fistful of my hair and dragging me up so she could kiss me. "Just a question."

"Neither one of us would be naked if anybody was home right now."

I did not like the smirk on her face. "Says the guy who had sex with Hattie in his bedroom with an entire houseful of people right downstairs on Christmas Eve."

My face grew warm. "I didn't realize you knew about that."

"It wasn't hard to figure out," she said with a sheepish shrug.

"This is some quality foreplay, talking about my previous sexual encounters," I muttered.

She laughed and kissed me again, twisting around so that she could maneuver herself on top of me. I felt myself harden as her pelvis pressed down on mine, her breasts taunting me as she let her lips dance tenderly against mine. "I'm asking about the emptiness of your house for a reason," she whispered into my ear, pressing a kiss to the top part of my jaw.

"Oh?" I moaned, trailing my hands down her backside. "And why's that?"

When I met her gaze, I saw an unexpected hesitation staring back at me, though I nearly missed it with the intense smile resting on her face. "I want you, Jay," she whispered, brushing a strand of hair from my forehead. _"I want all of you."_

I tensed up at the implication of her words, my mouth parting in slight surprise. "Does that mean what I think it means?"

She looked at me in clear amusement. "Yeah, Jay," she said with a curt nod. "It does."

I blinked once. Then again. And again. I could hear the sounds of cheers over the radio as the Harpies scored, my eyes still latched on to Alice's. I opened my mouth to say something, anything, but the words wouldn't form. "Uh…"

"How very articulate of you," she whispered as she met my lips with hers.

My heart was pounding in my chest as I tried to sort out my very jumbled thoughts. "Alice…" I murmured, wanting her to be sure about what she was implying. But I couldn't seem to manage the words.

"Don't overthink it," she whispered, laying her body atop mine a she rested her chin against my chest. "I wouldn't be saying it if it wasn't what I wanted."

I felt like the next question was going to come off slightly insulting but I also felt like it was necessary to ask. "You're not just doing this because you feel sorry for me and are trying to make me feel better, are you?"

Her eyebrow popped up. "Do you honestly think I'd be so willing to lose my virginity just to make you feel better?"

"Well, no," I spoke awkwardly, "But I do find the timing a little…"

"Suspicious?" she finished, planting a kiss against my bare chest. "Don't. This doesn't have anything to do with your mother, Jay. It has to do with the fact that you've quite possibly had one of the worst days of your life and at the end of it, you still managed to put me ahead of it all by talking to my sister. Maybe you were doing it as a distraction, maybe you needed to repair someone else's relationship because you couldn't do the same with your mother, but whatever reason you did it, you still did it. You thought of me on a day that should have been all about you. And it made me realize just how much I need you, just how much I'm falling for you, Jay. I want this because I want you. _Always_."

I could feel my heart racing a mile a minute while the lust made a surge through my entire body. I felt oddly frozen, surprised by my own hesitance. This was Alice Longbottom, the only constant in my life ever since I developed the ability to create memories. Shagging nameless girls was one thing. Shagging the only girl that ever truly meant anything to me was an entirely different Quidditch pitch. Taking her virginity was sacred and meaningful and if it were anybody else, I wouldn't hesitate. But I needed her to realize I wasn't taking this lightly and neither should she.

It was an odd feeling to have, the fear I suddenly sensed. For I knew taking this final step in our relationship meant there was no way out. And that was scary and intimidating in so many ways. And yet in the only way it mattered, it also wasn't. Because no other girls compared to Alice. Not a single one. And if that meant jumping headfirst into the very distinct possibility of letting myself fall in love with her, then it was time I embraced that. Because if it was between holding on to her for dear life or risk losing her forever, the choice was an obvious one.

So as I stared into my girlfriend's beautiful blue eyes, all I could do was whisper, "Has anyone ever told you that you have a real way with words?"

A coy smile appeared on her lips. "No more words," she whispered, inching her lips towards mine, "I'm done talking for the night."

Her mouth pressed hard against mine, her pelvis mimicking the same motion, causing my heart to race in a way I had never experienced before. Every touch, every kiss, every moan was hypnotic, tugging at my very core. I felt nervous for the first time, wanting and needing to live up to her every fantasy. I wanted to be worth it to her. I didn't just want to shag her, I wanted to celebrate it. Celebrate her. Celebrate us. In the past, sex was nothing but an end to the evening, but this was so much more than that. This was a momentous occasion for the both of us, practically cementing our future in each other. And I'd be lying if I said it scared me. It frightened me so much to know that there was no going back from this. This was just another stepping stone in our wondrous relationship and I wanted to make sure she knew just how much I was falling for her.

Or maybe I had already fallen.

My tongue taunted and teased the inside of her mouth before I pulled back, running small and tender kisses down the edge of her bare skin, starting at her jawline and moving down her neck and then her shoulder and her breasts and her abdomen until I planted a kiss right above the waistband of her underwear. I could feel her squirming underneath me but I took my time. This wasn't a sprint, it was a marathon and I was going to make sure she enjoyed every minute of it.

I tugged at the top of her underwear with my teeth, teasing her some more, and I couldn't help but smirk when she cried out, somewhat desperately, "For Merlin's sake, just take them off!"

With a quiet chuckle, I shrugged and obliged, though once again I took things at a snail's pace. I drew the knickers down the course of her smooth legs, in a slow and deliberate way, my eyes meeting hers as they roped around her ankles. I could see her chest moving upward at a rather alarming rate, matching that of my own, and I smiled coyly before finally tearing the underwear off of her and tossing it to the floor.

Her knees bent upward instinctively and I nestled in between her legs, pressing small kisses to the inside of her thighs until she was practically writhing in anticipation.

"Jay," she moaned, her voice trembling. "Please."

Hearing her beg for me sent shockwaves of lust through every part of my body and I finally gave in, circling my tongue around her already throbbing clit. She whimpered at my touch and that smallest of sounds had me nearly thrusting into her right then and there. But I somehow contained myself, wanting and needing to give her everything she deserved.

My finger slid into her wet opening, quickly followed by another, and her moans only grew more confident with every move I made. I curled my fingers upward, pumping them in and out, and I watched eagerly as her hips and pelvis spasmed and her face flushed. My lips met her clit again. I sucked and tickled and licked her most private area, my fingers moving in perfect harmony, and I could feel her body begin to tense up as she let out the most perfect combination of whimpers and whines and moans.

"Oh, God, _yes_ ," she cried out breathlessly as her hands gripped the edges of my sheets, her pelvis rising upward as she grew closer and closer and closer as my fingers and my lips worked overtime, until she was screaming my name out in pure ecstasy, her entire body convulsing in the most erotic of ways.

I pressed a final kiss to her swollen clit before meeting her gaze, pressing a quiet kiss to her right cheek as she slowly came down from her explosive high.

"Sometimes I forget just how bloody good at that you are," she whispered breathlessly.

I chuckled and she brought her lips to mine, tugging at them in her own grateful way. The kisses were tender and yet sloppy, both of us becoming perhaps too aware of what was coming next.

As I pulled my lips reluctantly away from hers, I saw the expected nerves in her eyes staring back at me. Licking my lips in an unexpectedly timid way, I said, "Ace, we really don't have to-"

"I want to," she cut me off as she pressed another sweet kiss to my lips. "There isn't anybody else on Earth I'd want to experience this moment with. So don't question it, Jay. Because I promise you that I'm not."

It wasn't that I was questioning it, it was that I was actually nervous. Never had I ever been nervous before, not even really for my first time. But with Alice and with this moment right here, I just wanted everything to be perfect for her because if anybody deserved it, it was her.

I tried to figure out how to best word any of this as I glanced up at her. In doing so, I saw an overwhelming amount of trust staring back at me. And somehow, that was all I needed. The nervousness I had felt dissipated and I suddenly just felt calm and relaxed and safe. Because it was just Alice. The girl I grew up. The girl who knew me inside and out. The girl who I've shared every single memory with. There was nothing to be nervous about with her because whatever was expected to happen, we were in this together. I didn't just have a girlfriend or a best friend or a soon-to-be lover in all of this, I had the only girl that ever mattered.

I pressed my lips hastily to hers, so unexpectedly that she let out a surprised chuckle, and I said, "In case I don't say it enough, Ace, you mean everything to me."

Appreciation glowed in her eyes as her finger ran alongside the top of my hairline, a smile tugging at the end of her lips. "And you mean everything to me, Jay."

I kissed her again before reaching for my wand on the nightstand. I muttered the Contraception Charm before sloppily tossing the wand back. Hesitating, I knew it was in my best interest to use a second precaution but I happened to have no condoms lying around at the moment.

"Er…any chance you're on a-"

"Birth control potion?" she said with an awkward chuckle. "Yeah, I am."

Thank fucking Merlin.

I grinned and crashed my lips against hers once more, her own quiet laugh tickling my lips.

Pulling away, I met her gaze and I saw an unexpected lust staring back at me, most likely matching the same emotion in my own eyes, and slowly I maneuvered myself so I was nestled between her legs. I felt her tense up, just slightly, and all I could say to ease whatever nerves she may have was, "I'll go slow, Ace. I promise."

She nodded and after just another small pause, I slowly entered her. I felt her clench down on me almost immediately and I nearly hissed for if she continued to do that, there was no way I was going to last very long.

"Relax, Ace," I whispered. "I'm not going to hurt you."

Her eyes fluttered shut but she nodded. "I know."

I continued to push myself into her, very slowly as I watched her get used to the sensation. I stayed there for just a moment before pulling back and reentering. A surprised moan fell from her lips, perhaps the most beautiful moan I had ever heard, and I took a chance on speeding up. I couldn't be sure if she was aware of it but she nodded eagerly at the very motion so I took that as a good sign.

Angling myself so I was practically hovering over her, I pushed deeper and deeper inside of her. I became lost in the movement, enjoying every second of being buried inside of her, that it startled me when I felt her hips coming up to meet mine in perfect unison. Snapping my head up, I looked at her and was met with a coy smile. Instinctively, I leaned over and kissed her and she kissed me back, all while our hips continued to thrust together.

She was so tight and it felt incredible. Beyond incredible. I never knew it could feel this good. There wasn't a single girl out there that compared to Alice. There wasn't even one that came close. I have known sex before, I've had known plenty of it, but this was on a completely different playing field.

I could hear the moans spilling from my mouth, sounding more and more desperate as the seconds passed, and soon, her own whimpers were mixing with mine. I increased the pace as I felt myself grow closer and closer to the edge and as much as I would have loved to give her another orgasm, I knew I had no way of lasting that long. I was slightly embarrassed by that thought but it disappeared each and every time I plunged inside of her.

Deeper and deeper, faster and faster, closer and closer until suddenly, I was beyond speech, beyond control, beyond thought. And just as I thought I couldn't take it anymore, everything inside of me exploded with an unforeseen passion, one that I had never even come close to experiencing before, and I cried out in a desperately pleading way, emptying myself inside of her with a series of uncontrollable moans as I drove in my last few, mind-blowing thrusts.

"Holy…" was all I could get out as I tried desperately to catch my breath.

I could barely move as I came down from that incredible high but somehow, I slowly pulled myself out of her and dropped to her side, planting a kiss on her shoulder. I was completely spent and I could see the exhaustion in her eyes as I smiled at her.

"I have to admit," I said with an embarrassed chuckle, "That I have had several fantasies about shagging you. But the real thing was so much better."

She smiled shyly and stretched her neck to kiss me, a tender kiss filled with nothing but affection. "So that's what I've been missing all these years," she said with a coy smile, her eyes meeting mine. "No wonder you loved it so much."

"I love it more with you."

Her cheeks flushed as she leaned over and pressed her lips to mine once more. "Thank you for being you," she whispered before nestling into my side, her head fitting so perfectly into the nook of my shoulder.

I pressed a kiss to her temple before reaching down for the blanket bunched up at the end of my bed and tossing it over our naked bodies. "Thank you for being perfect."

She shook her head, our legs tangling together underneath the blanket. "I'm not perfect."

I met her gaze with one of intense sincerity. "You are to me."

Surprise and appreciation stared back at me as I pressed a kiss to her shoulder. "Today was unbearable, Ace," I murmured, stroking her hair. "I still don't know what to think or what to feel or what to say. But you've yet again managed to make a seemingly unbearable day bearable just by being you, just by being here, just by holding my hand and being at my side. I need you to know that just like you're falling for me, I am falling for you, too. So hard. And I am just so thankful that it's you standing at the bottom catching me."

The awe in her eyes grew even more magnifying as I leaned over to kiss her, to show her just how grateful I was for her.

Maybe I loved her. And maybe there was no maybe about it. But while my heart was ready to say it, my head wasn't.

"I'm sorry that today has been so unbearable," she whispered as we pulled apart, pressing her forehead to my own. "And I know that tomorrow and the next day and maybe even the one after that might not be any better. But whatever happens, just know that I'm not going anywhere. My hand is going to be with yours the whole time. And so is my heart."

Those same words that neither of us spoke before seemed to be on the edge of my tongue again but for a second time, I suppressed the urge to blurt them out. Maybe I was scared or maybe I was a coward or maybe I just felt like it wasn't the time or maybe I just wasn't sure what my heart was trying to say, but either way all I did was wrap my arm tightly around her and draw her to me with a kiss, putting the cherry on top of the already very perfect cake.

Sleep found us and I was awoken from my light sleep sometime later by the distant sound of my father's voice calling out to me. I stirred and heard it again, followed by footsteps on the stairwell in the hall. I had a moment where I glanced down at Alice with a smile before an overwhelming amount of shock and panic filled my every vein at the very obvious realization that we were both incredibly naked and my father was on his way up to my bedroom. "Oh, shit," I hissed, sitting upright. " _Shit, shit, shit._ Alice! Get up."

She stirred beside me. "What?" she moaned.

I only had to say three words to get her to bolt upward.

" _My dad's home."_

She let out a very loud gasp as she sat up, her eyes wide as she stared at me. We both heard his footsteps on the landing, making their way closer to my bedroom. "Hug the wall. I'll cover you," I barked, grabbing a few of my extra pillows and tossing them towards her. She buried herself under the covers and pushed herself flat against my wall. I hastily arranged the bedspread and pillows around her in an attempt to make it look inconspicuous and quickly reached towards my nightstand, where my T-shirt had earlier landed, and tossed it over my head. I settled into my pillow, pulling the blanket over the rest of my rather naked body, and pretended to be sleeping right before there was a knock at my door.

Another knock followed and then it creaked open and knowing I wasn't doing a good job of pretending to be asleep, I stirred and faked just waking up. "Dad?" I muttered, stifling a yawn.

He was wearing a rather wary frown on his face. "It's eight o'clock," he drawled. "And you expect me to believe you're sleeping?"

"It's been a long day as I'm sure you know," I said, ignoring the very heavy pounding of my heart against my ribcage.

He didn't look convinced. "Mm" was all he responded. "Neville was at the hospital looking for Alice. Any idea where she might be?"

More heart pounding. "Haven't seen her," I lied.

He looked at me, his eyes nearly bearing a hole through mine, as a very disapproving frown spread across the lower half of his jaw. "Are you sure?"

"Yep," I retaliated.

Slowly, he shook his head at me with an incredible amount of disbelief emanating from the very behavior. "Then how did her clothes get on to your floor?" he drawled, his arms folding defensively across his body as he nodded towards her shirt, jeans, and yes, her undergarments.

Shit.

"I think it's time you both got back to St. Mungo's," he spoke coolly before turning on his heel and walking out.

As the door slammed behind him, my face was drained of all color. When I turned towards the lump against the wall and Alice slowly emerged, I could see I wasn't the only one.

"I can't believe that just happened," she whispered, burying her face in her hands with a moan. "Good Godric, he must think we're terrible people, up here getting it on while the rest of your family is crying at the hospital over your mother."

I frowned at that rather blunt portrayal. "Well, to be fair, he already thinks I'm a terrible person," I muttered as I reluctantly pulled myself out of bed and started reaching for our respective clothing.

Alice's hand on my arm stopped me as I glanced over at her quizzically. "C'mere," she said, dragging me into her arms.

My eyebrow shot up. "You really want to risk being naked for any second longer?"

She cracked a smile but it disappeared almost immediately. She wrapped her arms around my shoulders from where she knelt on the bed and leaned into me so I was practically bearing the load of the both of us. Not that I minded. Feeling safe and secure in her arms was a place I never minded being.

"This morning at the Three Broomsticks, you were heartbroken at the last memory that you had with your mother, afraid that if something happened to her, she'd go out thinking the worst of you."

Was that really just this morning? Felt like a lifetime ago.

"I don't want to talk about her," I pleaded, shaking my head. "Let's go back to having sex, shall we?"

Another smile that barely lasted a second. "I'm not talking about her," she said softly. "I'm now talking about your father."

It took me barely a second to realize what she was getting at.

"Don't…" I trailed off uncertainly, my head rocking from side to side. "Please don't compare my mother's situation to my father and me. They're unrelated."

"But maybe they shouldn't be," she spoke softly. "If something happened to your father tomorrow, is the way things are between you really the last memory you'd want him to have of you?"

"Stop," I said, pulling myself out of her arms abruptly. "Don't do this. Nothing is going to happen to my father tomorrow so it doesn't mat-"

"You don't know that, Jay," she whispered. "Life is short. There is still time to make things right. Time to talk to him and figure things out. There's still time, Jay, but none of us will ever know when that time will end. Believe me, I would know. And I don't want you to regret what you didn't do once it's too late."

There was a tiny voice in the back of my head, so small it was almost insignificant, that was telling me that Alice was right. But my aching heart told a different story and right now, that seemed to be the only thing doing the talking.

"I can't talk about this, Ace. Not now," I spoke stubbornly as I returned to gathering up our clothes. Glancing around, my brow furrowed. "I feel like you had a bra."

She reached towards the bedside table and grabbed it off the lamp. "I know things are complicated between you and him," she murmured and I thought I'd have to once again silence her, but she surprised me by saying, "But you told me earlier that when I hurt, you hurt. When I'm upset, you're upset. When I'm angry, you are, too. Well, it goes both ways, Jay. And you told me that if there was anything you could do to try to not make me feel that way, you would. So this is me just returning the favor, that's all."

Out of all the things she said, those stuck with me the most. Because I hated myself for making her feel even just an inkling of what I was currently feeling just by association because this wasn't a feeling I wished upon anyone.

I let out a defeated sigh and turned around to meet the sympathy in her gaze. "I really hate it when you find a way to throw my own words back at me to make a point."

She laughed and snapped her bra back on, causing me to pout. "I'm just trying to help."

I nodded my acknowledgement as we both reluctantly shuffled around for the rest of our clothing. "I know, but let me focus on one problem at a time," I murmured as I tossed my sweater over my head. "Mum first. And then I'll deal with Dad in, say, ten to fifteen years. Maybe twenty."

She cracked a smile and handed me my jeans. In doing so, a creased parchment fell out of the back pocket. We both froze, just staring at the letter Mum had sent me that morning, the same one I had forced myself to forget.

Seeing at how good I was at ignoring the hippogriff in the room, I threw my pants on before snatching up the letter and returning it to its rightful place in my back pocket. "Shall we go?"

Alice met my gaze with her usual amount of concern but all she did was nod.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

That same panicked feeling came rushing back to me the moment I turned the hallway on that same fifth floor at St. Mungo's and caught sight of my entire family occupying the waiting room. I must have tensed up or shivered or made some sort of slight motion because I felt Alice squeeze my hand in her usual comforting way. I appreciated the gesture and was grateful she was there, I always would be, but she somehow felt very far away.

"I should go find my dad," she muttered reluctantly. "Hopefully your father hasn't found him first."

"My father wouldn't tell your father about…well, you know," I said bashfully. "He would never want to be the guy who told a father that his daughter may not be as innocent as he'd like to believe."

She tilted her head to the side curiously. "How much do you really believe he won't say anything?"

I hesitated. "65%?"

She cracked a smile. "You really like those odds?"

"I'm pretty much already thinking I'll have to avoid your father for the rest of our lives."

A soft chuckle felt from her lips. "It's a good thing he isn't your Herbology professor or something."

I shrugged. "Eh, I've always been good at skiving off my other classes. What's one more?"

That earned me another chuckle before she leaned over to plant a kiss on my cheek. "I'll find you in a few?"

I nodded and reluctantly let go of her hand as I watched her trudge down the corridor and out of sight.

There was a set of three chairs by their lonesome a few feet away from the waiting room and I reluctantly dragged myself over to them, dropping into the middle one with a heavy sigh. I had had a good amount of distractions for the evening but I couldn't keep on pretending that my mother wasn't lying unconscious in a hospital bed fighting for her life. I would have loved to avoid all thoughts of it forever but I knew that was an impossible dream.

The letter in my back pocket suddenly seemed to weigh a thousand pounds and I unconsciously reached into my pocket and pulled it out. I stared at the worn-out white parchment, though at this point it was starting to earn some beige color to it, and for at least the third time that day, I wondered exactly why I was so scared to read it. It was just a letter. Just some words on the page. They didn't have to mean anything.

Only I knew they'd mean everything. These were the last words my mother had wrote to me before her life was nearly stricken from her. Whatever they said, whatever that letter held, would most likely stick with me for an incredibly long time no matter what happened to my mother. I was hoping for the best, refusing to even consider the worst, but that didn't mean that I wasn't aware that the worst was still a possibility and it was that slight possibility that made me feel anxious and very unsettled over the contents of the letter in my hands.

"Where have you been?"

I nearly jumped out of my seat at the unexpected voice, balling up the letter in my hand in a rather pathetic way of concealing it.

Fred's eyebrow jumped up as he took a seat beside me. "Jumpy much?"

I wasn't entire sure what possessed me to say what I said next except that perhaps I was still looking for any sort of distraction from my mother. "I get to be a little jumpy after my father walked in on me and Alice post-coital."

Fred froze, his mouth dropping open. "No fucking way."

"Way," I murmured.

His eyes grew gleefully before he burst into laughter, dropping his head into his lap for good measure.

"Are you done yet?" I sighed.

He looked up and proceeded to double over in yet another round of laughter.

I tapped my foot impatiently on the floor, waiting for his laughs to die out.

"I'm sorry," he wheezed in between his laughs. "It's not funny. No, not at all." Hesitating, he burst out into laughter again. "Except that it might be the funniest thing I've ever heard."

"Your support is overwhelming," I drawled.

That only set him off again and I was getting all ready to walk away from him when he seemed to finally find some composure. He turned to me with a crooked grin and just said, "I didn't even realize you and AliCat were doing anything coital."

I grimaced. "We weren't before tonight," I muttered.

Fred looked at me and for a fifth time, broke out into laughter. "Oh, this story just keeps getting better and better."

I shot him a look. "I'm glad my embarrassment is amusing you so."

His chuckles faded once again as he leaned back against the chair with a curious expression on his face. "Nothing like a life hanging in the balance to bring two people together, am I right?"

I shook my head. "This had nothing to do with Mum," I murmured.

He nodded in an unexpected understanding manner. "Yeah, I know," he murmured. "Heard you spoke to AJ?"

I turned to him sharply. "How the hell did you hear about that?"

"AliCat told me," he said with a shrug. "Came back here looking for you, both confused and incredibly grateful. I'm not surprised to hear that you two jumped into bed together the way she was going on about you. Can't imagine why but she is so mad about you, Jameso."

I shot him a look. "I'm going to ignore the 'can't imagine why' comment, Freddo," I drawled, "And just say that if I had it my way, the two of us would still be back in my bedroom and not…here."

I could feel his concerned eyes on me but I stared straight ahead, refusing to meet the pity in his eyes.

"Dare I ask how you're doing?" he asked softly.

"Like I'd really prefer you not ask me that question."

Still, I could feel his eyes on me and still, I stared anywhere but at him. "Did you ever read that letter?" he asked.

I turned to him sharply.

"Yeah, don't think I didn't notice you shoving it in your hand when I walked up."

I frowned. "I'd rather you didn't ask me that question either."

He hesitated. "What questions am I allowed to ask you?"

"In erring on the side of caution, I'd suggest anything related to Quidditch or the weather."

He frowned and turned away from me, crossing his arms casually across his body. "You do realize that by you not answering my questions, you've pretty much answered them for me."

I nodded solemnly. "I know."

I was grateful for the silence that followed but I wasn't surprised when he finally broke it. "I'm sorry you're dealing with all this, mate."

I couldn't be sure why those were the words that somehow set me off but I felt the prickle of tears threatening the backs of my eyes. "Yeah," I croaked out. "Me, too."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

The hospital staff told us all just after ten o'clock to go home and get some sleep, that it was doubtful there'd be any change to Mum overnight and if there was, they'd alert us immediately.

The hospital staff clearly didn't know my family.

Not a single aunt or uncle or cousin or sibling left that waiting area. They parked their butts into some rather stiff chairs and proceeded to attempt to make themselves comfortable for the long haul.

Family friends were unfortunately forced to leave as visiting hours for non-family members ended at eight o'clock and while they had been lenient for an hour or two, they were evidently enforcing the rule overnight so I had been obligated to say my goodbyes to Alice.

"I'd rather come with you," I murmured, my forehead pressed up against hers as we huddled in the corner away from my family's prying eyes.

"I know," she said, her arms wrapped tightly around my shoulders. "And I'd rather stay."

I was afraid of letting go of her hand, of dealing with any of this all on my own, of trying to put together the puzzle pieces in my jumbled mind. She was the only one who could calm me down with a smile, who could say that everything was going to be okay and actually make me believe it. I needed her during this more than I've ever needed anyone or anything. And the very idea of watching her walk away was making an even bigger hole in my heart than what was already put there by my mother.

There was so much of me in that moment that somehow knew I loved her, knew that I was feeling this way for a reason, but I wasn't in the right emotional state nor was I even remotely mature enough to admit the truth that so blatantly coated my heart.

So all I said was, "You'll be back tomorrow?"

"A wild herd of giants couldn't keep me away."

I kissed her one last time before reluctantly removing my hand from hers and returning to my isolated chair in the hallway.

I was hoping the concept of slumber might keep my family from trying to have sympathetic chats with me, but evidently I was a fool for thinking so. Maybe it wasn't just the hospital staff who didn't know my family.

"Have you gone into see her yet?"

My eyes had been half-closed when my sister came to sit beside me and I reluctantly opened them. "Has there been any change?"

Lily frowned. "Well, no, but-"

"When she's awake, I'll happily go into see her," I muttered. "Until then, this chair is my bitch."

For the first time since I could remember, my sister was actually speechless and I was grateful, though surprised, that she merely let out a defeated sigh and walked away from me.

She was clearly hurting more than I realized. And if I was a better brother, or a less distracted brother, maybe I would have said or done something to make her feel better.

Only I knew that that was impossible. There's nothing anyone can say or do to make someone feel better whose mother was fighting between life and death.

"Hey, kiddo."

Once again, I was forced to open my eyes as Teddy took a seat beside me. "Not interested," I drawled.

He blinked. "Er…in what?"

"Whatever sage words of wisdom you're about to impart on me."

He frowned, though only slightly, before saying, "I bring no words of wisdom. Just myself."

"Still not interested."

His brow furrowed. "In what? Me sitting here?"

"I'm not interested in those big eyes of pity mixed with judgment. I'm judging myself enough right now, I don't need it from the rest of you."

The pity in his eyes turned into grave concern. "What are you judging yourself for, J-man?"

"You know perfectly well what I'm judging myself for," I snapped at him. "Seeing as you planned an elaborate sneak attack on me this morning with Mum's letter."

He looked both surprised and guilty at those words. "Did you read it?"

" _I'm not doing this with you, Teddy_ ," I hissed, my hands now balled into tights fists at my side. "I'm not going to let you make me feel guilty over some stupid letter."

He paused before saying, "Sounds like it's a lot more than some stupid letter. And correct me if I'm wrong, but maybe you're feeling guilty all on your own without me having to do it for you."

If I could have hexed him and gotten away with it, I probably would have. Instead, I said the very incredible wrong thing. "Or maybe you should mind your own business because you have no idea what it feels like to be waiting around wondering if your mother is going to live or die. Last time I checked, yours died before you ever even got that chance. Consider yourself very lucky."

The shock and hurt was unmistakable in his eyes so it did not come as any surprise when he pulled himself out of the chair and walked away.

I'd feel guilty over my harsh words later. But now, I just felt nothing.

"How you holding up?"

I glanced up at my grandmother took over the seat Teddy had previously occupied. She tried reaching for my hand but I pretended not to notice as I folded my arms across my body.

"Fine," I lied.

I could see her frown out of my peripheral vision. "How are you really holding up?"

If she was anyone else in the family, I very well may have snapped at them but Grandmum was about the only person I had never been able to do that with. "I'm just tired," I murmured.

"It's been a long day for all of us," she agreed and I heard her voice shaking as she spoke. I was reminded then that this was her daughter fighting for her life. Maybe it was something she had worried about twenty-five years earlier but the war had ended. This wasn't something she should have to be concerned about anymore. Mothers shouldn't be worried about the very idea of burying their own children.

I didn't know what to say so I only nodded.

"Your mother is strong," she spoke softly, almost desperately. "She's a fighter. She has too much to live for not to be. She'll come out of this alive. She has to."

I thought back to my last conversation with my mother, the one where I told her I didn't want a relationship with her, and there was a small part of me, very small because I was aware of how unreasonable it sounded, that feared she'd use that as some sort of excuse to stop fighting, her brain's way of giving up on her the same way I gave up on her.

The hallway suddenly felt very small.

Or maybe it was just me who felt small.

"I need some air," I blurted out before bolting out of my chair and down the hallway.

There was a small courtyard landing just off the fifth floor that I took off to, trying to ignore the large anvil crushing down on my heart and soul. I had this very naïve thought that if I could just escape to the outside, get away from the ghosts that lined those hospital hallways, that maybe I could just breathe again and feel okay, or at least some semblance of okay.

How wrong I was.

I burst through the door and swiftly shut it behind me, letting out a breathless gasp of air. And when I looked up, I was met with the surprised, and tear-filled, eyes of my father standing right next to me.

I froze. "Dad," I choked out, even more panic suddenly drowning my heart.

He quickly turned away, wiping under his eyes surreptitiously, though not surreptitiously enough.

"I-I didn't know anyone was out here," I spoke awkwardly for lack of anything better to say.

He didn't respond right away and the darkness enveloped us, the fake moon above barely illuminating any light. But I welcomed the dark, hoping that that might make this already awkward exchange less uncomfortable.

"I just needed a break," he eventually muttered and I jerked my heard towards him tensely, having not expected him to say anything. "I love our family but sometimes they can be a bit…"

"Overwhelming?" I muttered and even through the dark I could see him nod sullenly. "Yeah, I know the feeling."

Silence fell between us once again and so much of wanted to rip that door open and bolt again, only it seemed like all I was doing was running away from things and the only thing that was giving me was more anxiety and heartbreak.

But when Dad spoke next, I wondered if running away from him might have been a far better choice.

"About earlier tonight," he spoke awkwardly, his gaze falling on me.

My face grew a very bright shade of red. "I was more hoping we wouldn't have to talk about that, like, ever again."

"We don't," he murmured, shaking his head. "I'm not naïve, James. I know what you get up to. All I really want to say is to please, please, _please_ be careful because I promise you that if you get that girl pregnant there isn't a single place you could hide that Neville and I won't find you."

I turned to him in confusion when he left it at that, expecting a full-on lecture about having sex under his roof while the rest of the family mourned for my mother, or something at least along those lines. But in looking at him, I could see just how worn out he was through his sunken cheeks and vacant eyes and I had a feeling that giving me a lecture was the last thing on his mind.

"I'm sorry I wasn't here today," I whispered shamefully.

He met my gaze again and there was such raw grief staring back at me that I suddenly felt like a five-year-old kid who wanted to run into my father's arms and tell him that I loved him, just to maybe ease his pain.

Only I wasn't five anymore and I knew there was nothing I could do or say to ease his pain.

My father took a long time before responding. "You may not think we have anything in common, James, but the need to flee and hide and just get away for a while when things get really tough is something we very much share," he murmured. Turning to look at me, he said, "And that's probably why things are so complicated between us. Because as good as we are at creating problems, we aren't so great at solving them."

Every bone in my body seized up at the very accurate portrayal of our relationship, or lack thereof. Not because I was surprised or confused by it but because I was not at all expecting him to bring this up now.

And if this was any other time, if my mother wasn't fighting for her life just a few doors away and if I didn't have Alice's earlier words about life being short running through my mind and if I wasn't completely and utterly drained of all emotions, maybe I would have walked away from this conversation just like I had with all of our other ones.

But I was too tired to move let alone feel anything so maybe, just maybe, that might make this conversation easier.

It could have easily been my father in that bed. It probably should have been seeing as he was the Auror who fought against the villains on a nearly daily basis. And I may never get the chance to make things right with Mum, but maybe this was the world's way of trying to get me to make things right with Dad.

Because not only did he deserve it but I did, too.

"When did you stop loving me, Dad?" I choked out.

A look of unprecedented horror filled his gaze as he turned towards me sharply. " _What_?"

"Was it one thing I did or said or was it just a whole bunch of things over time?" I whispered, my bottom lip trembling uncontrollably. "Did I deserve it? Did I do this to us? Did I create the problem? Is this all my fault?"

His lips parted as he stared at me in shock, my unexpected questions suddenly rendering him speechless. He struggled to find the right words to say and I couldn't help but wonder if that was because he didn't know how to tell me I was wrong or that I was right.

"Oh, James," he eventually whispered and just like I could tell I was on the verge of tears, so, too, was he. "Is that really what you think? That I stopped loving you?"

I stared at the ground, offering him a single shrug. "You said you were done being my father. What was I supposed to think?"

His hand went to my shoulder and I didn't shrug it off, struggling to keep my emotions in check which I was finding suddenly rather impossible.

In hindsight, trying to have this very emotional conversation with my father while my mother was fighting for her life might not have been the best timing.

Or, perhaps, it was.

"I never should have said that to you, James," he whispered. "I didn't mean it. I don't know how to mean it. I can't just turn off being your father. And I don't want to. I want to be able to talk to you, ask you about your life instead of depending on Teddy for insight or sending letters to the people you care about to check in on how you're doing or requesting your Quidditch match recordings from Neville or-"

"You've requested my match recordings?" I cut him off in bewilderment.

He met the confusion in my gaze and offered me a single nod. "Even though you weren't letting me into your life, I still wanted to know every aspect of it," he spoke softly. "I'm just sorry I didn't try harder to get it from you."

I wasn't sure I wanted to ask the next question but I did anyway. "Why didn't you?"

Silence followed and I could see the struggle and the burden in his eyes at my very loaded question. He seemed to age ten years in just a few seconds and I couldn't help but wonder if it was because of this conversation or because his wife was lying unconscious in a hospital bed.

"I remember when you were about four years old," my father began to speak in a hesitant murmur, "And you were running around the house like you so often did – you were quite the ball of energy back then – and you wound up falling down the stairs, breaking your arm and swiping the side of your forehead on the corner of the wall. Your left arm was completely bent and blood was streaming down your face from a large gash and did you cry? No. You got back up and started racing around the room again. I had to give you a piece of candy to get you to sit still."

There was a small chuckle that fell from my father's lips at the memory, even though there was clearly nothing funny about it.

"You weren't scared one bit but oh boy, was I. I raced you to the hospital, all while hyperventilating over how much blood you were losing. The Healers were all over you, examining your head and your arm and vision and your balance. They forced potions down your throat, injected you with painful healing jinxes, twisted your arm back into place, and still, you just sat there and took it. The only one who was scared in that room was me. And at the end of it, when they completely healed you and said you would be fine, I was the one who cried in relief. You just looked up at me with that giddy smile of yours and said, 'Maybe this will give me a scar on my head and I can be just like you, Daddy.'"

The laugh on my father's fade quickly turned into tears in his eyes. "You were always such an optimistic kid. Adventurous and buoyant. Nothing could get you down. And then you went to Hogwarts and when you came back at Christmas during your first year, I saw a completely different person. You were angry and cynical and distrustful and you hated everything. You…you hated me. You made it known that I wasn't someone you looked up to me anymore. And it was so incredibly hard for me to watch my optimistic son turn into a scornful one knowing that something I had done or didn't do caused that. It was so hard to watch that I just…I couldn't. I didn't want to admit that I was the reason you changed so much. I didn't want to admit that I wasn't a good father. So I kept my distance, I held myself back from you, I put so much space between us, I let myself lose you not because of you, James. Never because of you. But because of me. Because I didn't know how to deal with the fact that my oldest son was slipping away from me. I didn't know how to push my way into your heart when it was pushing me out. I didn't know how to fight for you, how to fight for us. At some point, you stopped needing me and at some point, I stopped giving you reasons to."

His words sounded heartfelt and I appreciated them more than he could ever know for even though he was right to say that I had made my own set of mistakes, it was nice to know that I wasn't the only one to blame. That even though I never fought for him, he, too, never fought for me back. It was the fundamental reason behind why we fell apart so easily, because we were both too stubborn and too proud to beg for a forgiveness we feared we may never get.

Until now.

"I didn't exactly give you any indication that I wanted you to fight for me," I muttered guiltily for if he was going to hold himself accountable, I knew it was my turn to do the same.

He hesitated before nodding slowly. "And I didn't give you any indication that I wanted the same from you," he spoke in an unexpectedly grief-stricken tone. "But I need you to know that through all of our ups and downs, I never stopped loving you, James. Not for a single minute."

I wanted to believe him, and maybe a part of me did, but I still had my doubts and insecurities. "Even when I wasn't good enough for you?" I choked out.

Heartbreak filled his eyes. "Weren't good enough for me?" he repeated in hurt astonishment. "James, nothing you could ever do or say could ever make me stop loving you. You're my son."

Heartbreak filled my veins. "Yeah and so is Al and he's bloody perfect in every way," I choked out. "He's the one who's always made you proud, who always makes everyone proud. The one who excel in academics and who wants to follow in your footsteps when he graduates and he never gets into trouble and he doesn't use his fists to fight his problems and he doesn't know how to make a single mistake and that'll never not be me. I'm always going to be that troublemaking rebel who doesn't care about school, who spends all of his time on a game, who can never seem to do anything right. I've been a failure and a screwup my entire life. That's all anyone sees me as. I know that's all you see me as."

"No, James," he desperately pleaded, shaking his head at me, "You are not a failure and you are not a screwup. Not to me. You are only human. Just like I am human. We make mistakes, sometimes we even make bad choices. But that doesn't mean I'm not proud of you and that definitely doesn't mean that I don't love you. I'm sorry if taking a step back, putting distance between us, giving you what I can only see now was too much space made you feel like I didn't care about you, but I always have. I'm proud of who you are, James. Of who you've become."

"Who I've become?" I murmured in disbelief. "I'm a cold, ungrateful, selfish brat, Dad. You said it yourself."

He cringed. "I said that in the heat of the moment, not because I meant it," he croaked out. "Because about the only thing I've ever been good at with you is saying all the things I don't actually mean. You're not cold, James, you're just guarded. You're not ungrateful, you're just afraid to express yourself. You're not selfish, you're sensitive."

I turned away with a mere shrug. "I guess."

"There's no guess about it," he spoke firmly, putting his hand on my shoulder once again. "You may have struggled in life, may have grown cynical over time, but despite that, despite my wrongdoings that might have made you that way, you've still managed to live a life you should be very proud of because I know I am. You are a natural-born leader and that you are fiercely loyal to your friends and family even when you pretend you aren't. You put your whole heart into the things that you love, into the things that matter the most to you and you don't know how to give up, not even when things get tough. You fight through the challenges and you come out stronger and more confident in the end because of it. You're incredibly bright and intelligent and yes, I think we both know that you don't always live up to your academic potential, but that doesn't mean you've disappointed me or failed me in any way. I've never wanted you to be anything less than who you are. And I have never once, _not once_ , wished you could be more like your brother or your sister. I've never compared you with them. I couldn't. You are all too different. Where Lily may be overly compassionate and Albus humble, you are independent. You've always known what you wanted and you've always done everything you could to get it. And I admire that in you. I've always admired your tenacity and ambition even when it scared me."

I could only gape at him, surprised and yet touched by every word he spoke. It was the first time he ever made me feel as if I actually mattered but only because I had never given him a reason to care before. I had been the one to push him away and perhaps it was because of my strong independence that I had actually allowed myself to believe that I didn't need him. But I did. I always have. I probably always will.

"What…" I trailed off, searching for the right words to say. "What about my tenacity and ambition scared you?"

He withdrew his hand from my shoulder as he considered his answer. He said nothing at first, a hesitant frown seeping into his jawline, as his eyes met mine over his round wire frames. "You've always put your heart and soul into the things you are passionate about," he murmured. "And I always feared that one of the things you were passionate about was not wanting me."

Unfortunately, he wasn't wrong. I had put everything I had into resenting my father.

He continued. "I always assumed there would come a day where you would take off into the world and leave me behind without a single thought," he whispered. "I dreaded that day but I knew it was coming. And I knew I would be to blame for that. But I also knew that if that's what you wanted, if you needed to get away, to find a way to just be okay again, then I'd have to find a way to be okay with it, too. Because all I've ever wanted was for you to be happy, even if that didn't include me."

My heart nearly broke at the sincere emotion in his words for as much as I had assumed he had no problem giving me up, it was clear he thought I felt the same about him.

Shame and guilt spread through my every vein, knowing in that moment I was the one who pushed him away first. He had said I gone from that optimistic kid to a cynical one in my first three months at Hogwarts and while I had blamed him for that, and clearly part of him did too, I also waited six years to tell him why. Instead of just trying to figure things out, instead of trying to talk to him, I just cut him out of my life. I shut down. I shunned him and turned my back, and my heart, on him. And even though he followed in my footsteps, he never would have done that if I hadn't taken those steps first.

He was right before. We've both made mistakes, and his couldn't be ignored, but I made the first mistake. I took the wrong pathway first and found myself on a rocky, winding route of turmoil that had our journey ending up on the edge of a cliff. And I could jump off that cliff, plummet to a metaphorical death and let the tumultuous past live on in tragedy.

Or I could retrace my steps and find a way back to a new beginning.

"Maybe there were times I didn't want you, Dad," I whispered as heartbreak took over every inch of my body, "But there was never a time I didn't need you."

His hand returned to my shoulder and I leaned into the touch, needing it now more than ever. "I see that now," he choked out, "And I'm just so sorry that I wasn't there for you when you did."

His apology didn't make up for all the things that had gone wrong between us, but it was a step in the right direction. Especially since I wasn't the only one who deserved an apology.

"I'm sorry, too, Dad," I spoke hoarsely.

His eyes met mine, a flash of vulnerability staring at me from behind his wire frames. "For what?"

For so much. For giving up on him just as much as he gave up on me. For being afraid to love him. For being afraid to talk to him. For pushing him away because that was easier than needing him. For resenting him for things that were beyond his control. For making him think I hated him.

I didn't even know where to begin so all I said was, "For being so afraid of having this conversation that I put it off for six years."

He looked both surprised and sad as I spoke those very heavy words. "Why were so afraid to talk to me?" he asked softly.

As hard as it was to answer his question of why I was sorry, the answer to why I waited so long was an easy one. "I thought you hated me," I whispered. "And I wasn't really looking to find out how much."

He looked as heartbroken as I felt at those words. "Oh, God, James, the only person I hate is myself for ever making you think that," he pleaded, his voice shaking. "I am sorry. I am so sorry that I held back, that I kept my distance from you, that I didn't try harder with you. You're the kid and I'm the father. You're allowed to make mistakes, you're supposed to, and I'm supposed to do everything I can to show you that I love you and that I'll always be there for you despite any mistakes made. Instead, I just made my own cluster of mistakes over and over again. Talking to you might not have been easy for me but that didn't mean I should have stopped talking to you altogether. And just because I didn't know how to be a good father to you didn't mean I should have stopped being one at all."

I couldn't ever say he was a perfect father, far from it, but the fact that he was so willing to admit and call himself a bad father filled me with an immense amount of guilt for ever making him feel that way.

I looked up at him, sensing a world of guilt in his burden-filled gaze. "Well, we're talking now, aren't we?"

He met my gaze with a sea of emotions. "We're talking now," he whispered. "I can't promise you I'll be perfect but I can promise you that I'll try."

"I don't need you to be perfect, Dad," I pleaded. "I just…"

He took a step towards me. "You just what?"

I locked eyes with him, a surprisingly tingling of tears collecting in the back of my own eyes. "I just need you."

A small smile tugged at the edges of his upper lips. "Then it's a good thing I'm not going anywhere."

Hope filled my heart, making it feel so much lighter than it had all day. "Neither am I, Dad," I whispered.

He looked at me with an intense amount of appreciation and gratitude, but for only a moment before he reached out and embraced me tightly. And for the first time in nearly six years, I let him.

There was still plenty that was left unsaid, issues that still needed to be discussed, problems that still needed to be worked out, but every rebuild needed to have a stable foundation set before any reconstruction could take place. For so long, Dad and I had convinced ourselves we didn't need a foundation, or even just a rebuild at all. We let our relationship go abandoned, vacant and void of any acknowledgement of a fix, and while it probably would have been okay if it stayed that way for our lifetime, giving ourselves new life, no matter how much time and effort it might take, seemed like the better option.

Because even though it would be easier not needing each other, it felt a whole lot better to admit that we did.

And it was time we showed it.

When we stepped out of our long embrace, I asked my father the question I had been too afraid to ask up to this point. "Is Mum going to wake up?" I pleaded.

The panic in Dad's eyes told me he didn't know what answer to that question. "I…" he trailed off, the words catching in his throat. "I don't know, James. I just…I don't know."

The tears I had been desperately trying to hold back broke and a few slid out. "My last words to her were that I didn't want a relationship with her anymore," I choked out, desperately trying to swipe underneath my eyes.

I felt my father put his hand on his shoulder and I squeezed my eyes shut at the simple gesture. "She knows you love her, James. There might have been times I wondered myself, but she never once had to question it."

I wanted to believe him but the last time she and I spoke, I said everything I could to make her think I didn't love her.

So why should I ever expect her to think differently?

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"That looked like one hell of an intense conversation between you and Dad."

I glanced up as Lily headed my way. "Were you spying on us?"

"Yes," she said flatly. "And if that glass wasn't soundproof, I would have eavesdropped, too."

If I wasn't completely and utterly drained of pretty much all my energy, I might have cracked a smile. Instead, I said, "That conversation wasn't meant for your ears, Lils."

"Oh?" she mused. "And, pray tell, what kind of conversation was it, dear brother?"

She would have seen the near tears we had both exhibited so was plenty aware of what kind of conversation it was. "Is this really what you want to be talking about right now?" I drawled. "I don't know if you're aware, but there's a lot more going on right now than whatever Dad and I are going through. The hospital rooms are a dead giveaway."

The smirk on her face quickly faded into a numb frown. "How about we don't use the word 'dead' in our phrasing."

The overwhelming grief in her expression nearly broke my heart. "She's going to wake up," I pleaded, not sure if I was trying to convince Lily or myself of that.

She swiftly turned away from me, blinking back the onset of tears. "Have you been in to see her yet?"

No.

"I've been a little busy," I murmured.

She looked up at me again. "Making amends with Dad?" she asked in a hopeful tone.

Knowing there was no point in contesting it, I just nodded.

Her eyes didn't stray from mine. "And what happens if you don't get the chance to do the same with-"

"Don't say it," I said, vigorously shaking my head at her.

There were tears reflecting in her eyes once again and this time, she didn't bother to blink them back. So I did the only thing I could do in that moment and I pulled her in for a hug.

"She has to be okay, James," she bawled into my shirt. "She just has to be."

Her desperate stream of tears nearly sent the same to my own eyes as I squeezed them tightly and prayed to a God I wasn't even sure I believed in to keep Mum safe.

Because Lily was right. How was I supposed to make amends with her if she never woke up?

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I thought confronting my father was like asking me to do the impossible and yet we both came out of our conversation mostly unscathed. In fact, we probably came out of it better than either of us could have imagined. So if I could face my father then there was no reason I couldn't face my mother, too.

But it was a lot easier having a conversation with someone when they were awake to have it.

I had stood awkwardly outside my mother's door for longer than I'd like to admit. I reached for the handle a few times but I couldn't seem to make myself actually turn it, that panicked feeling in my chest flaring up every time I did. It was nearly three in the morning when I was finally able to quiet it enough to actually open the door.

Lily had been right when she said Mum didn't look great. My heart nearly stopped at how frail she looked. Her face was pure white and I could see dark bruises forming along various joints. Her arms were covered in bandages and another one wrapped around her forehead, nearly concealing her eyes.

Tears sprang to my eyes once again but they didn't fall. I felt an entire world of guilt in my heart for taking so long to show up there, nearly eighteen hours, as I slowly took the heavy steps towards her bedside. There was a chair there and I slowly dropped into it, my eyes never leaving her. She looked different, peaceful almost, unlike a version of her I had ever seen before. She always had such a commanding presence, sometimes overpowering and yet never overbearing, and she held so much conviction in just her stance. And yet the woman that lay in front of me no longer looked like the powerhouse journalist that owned the sports section of the _Daily Prophet_. She just looked like a simple woman, a fragile woman, fighting for her life.

A part of me wondered why I was there, wondered why I hadn't just stayed on the opposite side of that door ignoring the blatant truth. I didn't know what to say or what to feel as I stared at a woman I spent so much time resenting and not enough time appreciating over the past few months. Maybe even years. But I was there sitting by my mother's side and that could only mean one thing.

That no matter how many times I tried telling myself I didn't care about her, that I was done caring about her, that I couldn't care about her, I did. I cared. Maybe too much. I cared what she thought of me and I cared how she felt. I cared that I made her think I didn't care and I cared that that had hurt her. I cared because above all else, she was my mother and she had never once given up on me, not even when I deserved it.

I just hoped that the world wasn't ready to give up on her.

Because I sure wasn't.

Reaching into my back pocket, I took out the letter she wrote to me and finally, I unfolded it and read it.

 _I love you, James. Please don't ignore me anymore. Please._

 _I hate the way things are between us right now. I hate the way things were left. I hate that you walked away and I hate that I didn't go after you. But what I hate the most is knowing that you are hurting and there doesn't appear to be anything I can do about that._

 _I remember when you were just a kid and you used to come running into my bedroom after a terrible nightmare, burying yourself under my covers and nestling into my side so I could protect you from harm. I wish I could still be that person for you, that protector and shield from all the bad, but I stopped being that person a long time ago. You used to get so excited about the smallest of things, like when you got your first broom and when you loved to play in the garden with the gnomes and when you could sit on our porch swing reading for hours about dragons and hippogriffs and goblins. I miss that wide-eyed kid who still had an entire world to explore and who got excited to do so. I never meant that world to be taken from you and I never meant to be part of the reason that that happened. You were forced to grow up at such a young age, the world throwing you a mountain of curveballs that you weren't at all prepared for, and I know that it is partly my fault for not preparing you for that. So while your father had told you his side of the story, maybe it's time I told you mine._

 _I, too, had to grow up fast because I lived in a world that was in turmoil every single second of every day. And the truly ironic part in all of this is that I wanted nothing more than the opposite for you. I wanted you to be a normal kid, to have a normal life, to be shielded from the pain and the shame that we all had to live through for so long. Your father feels guilty for all the lives that were lost in the war because he believes he is to blame. He will never not feel that way. I feel guilty for all the lives that were lost in the war because even though I will forever mourn those losses, I also felt nothing but happiness when I found out that your father's life wasn't one of those we lost. And I think there's a large part of me that loves him so fiercely, so recklessly, because I hope that might make the guilt I feel for subconsciously choosing him over all the people who died in battle, including my own brother, hurt less. So perhaps I blindly stand by your father's side at times I shouldn't. Perhaps I defend him just a little too much. Perhaps I choose him at the expense of others. But I need you to know that even when I don't always show it or show it well, I love you just as fiercely as I love your father. There is no second place in my heart, James. There is only a first place and you belong there. You always have and you always will._

 _I don't need to know what happened between you and your father. This isn't about him. This is about you and me and how I failed as a mother because I couldn't see what was happening right in front me all those years ago when you went from that excited kid to an angry one who started to pull away from me, from all of us. Or maybe I did see it happening and I just didn't know how to stop it. Maybe I was too afraid to see it, too afraid to admit my own failures. But I need you to know, James, that none of this makes_ you _a failure. It just makes you human. It's okay to feel hurt. It's okay to feel pain. It's okay to feel neglected. I never meant to make you feel that way but I can see now that I did. Every time I sided with your father, you retreated from me. Every time I defended him, you put more distance between us. Every time I chose him over you, I lost a piece of you until the day came that I lost all of you. And I didn't do anything to fix it. I was too afraid to admit to myself that I didn't just watch it happen, I let it happen and so I did nothing but stand blindly on the sidelines as my own son fell apart right in front of me._

 _I have said before that your father isn't perfect and as it turns out, neither am I. I see now all of that pain in you that I was once too afraid to see. The pain of neglect and abandonment every time your father walked away from you or didn't even walk up to you to begin with. All the times he didn't show up or didn't write to you. All the times you felt like he chose your brother or your sister over you. I see all the things he kept from you, all the secrets and the shame, and I see a broken heart that's never really been put back together again. And I see a woman who sided with the wrong person time and time again, unsure how to reach out to her own son and just tell him that she was there for him in every way he deserved._

 _So if there is only one thing that I can hope for you to take away from this letter it's that I love you every minute of every day. Even when we're arguing or in disagreement over something or giving each other the silent treatment, even if I've lost you for good and even if there's no coming back from this, even when I do something that makes you feel like I don't love you, I do. I will never not love you._

 _And I hope you know just how proud of you I am._

 _Love,_

 _Mum_

"Oh, Mum," I whispered, the tears slowly sliding down my face.

I didn't know what to say or what to feel. Her words meant a lot to me for now I knew that she didn't resent me or hate me for the way we left things, she only loved me through it all. But that only made me resent myself for it was clear she blamed herself for so many things that were beyond her control.

Maybe she did side with Dad or defend him a little too much, but she understood how his mind and his heart worked. I shouldn't have ever blamed her for loving him and I never should have believed that that meant she somehow loved me less. Maybe she didn't always handle things well but then again, neither did I. I never listened to her, never wanted to listen. I believed the worst and jumped to unfounded conclusions because it had always been so much easier pushing people away than it had been letting them in. Letting people in meant exposing my heart to them and that meant it would be that much easier for them to turn around and destroy it. All this time, I thought I didn't have a heart but I just didn't want to see just how fragile it had become. I had grown so afraid of my own feelings, of my own emotions that I just pretended not to have them at all. But they were always there. And they weren't going away any time soon.

I just hoped I still had a chance to prove to my mother that I needed her just as much as she needed me.

"Come back to me, Mum," I choked out. "Come back so I can tell you that I love you, too."

 _And I'm sorry that I ever made you feel like I didn't._

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

 **A/N:** Well, wasn't that a chapter loaded with action! We finally, _finally_ get to see James and Alice have sex. We finally, _finally_ get to see James have that fateful conversation with Dad he told himself he'd never had. We finally, _finally_ get to find out what Ginny had been trying to tell her son for so many weeks. And we finally, _finally_ get to learn Ginny's fate.

Oh, no wait, we don't.

Guess you'll just have to wait for the next chapter to find that out.

(Oh, and sorry if you saw the chapter title and immediately went to thoughts of WTF SHE CAN'T BE DEAD. If I was an evil person, I might have done that on purpose.)

(Okay, fine, I'm an evil person.)


	36. Put It Back Together

**A/N:** I've got very little to say here except thank you so much for those who are taking the time to read this story and thank you for those who are taking the time to review it.

* * *

 **A WAY WITH WORDS**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 35: Put It Back Together

" _If you think you're falling_ _  
_ _You probably will_ _  
_ _You've got to lose yourself_ _  
_ _But not let go_ _  
_ _I think we'll be alright_ _  
_ _I think we will survive_ _  
_ _Everybody gets a little scared_ _  
_ _Like this sometimes I think we'll be alright."  
_ -Nick Howard

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I was shaken awake a few hours later, though it felt like only minutes had passed, and I groggily took in my surroundings. My back ached and I realized then that I had fallen asleep in the chair beside my mother's bed.

The same mother who was looking at me and smiling.

I scrambled off the chair, nearly toppling over completely, and said in a rather pathetic and frantic way, "Oh my God, you're you."

She chuckled and reached her hand out to me which I gladly took. "I don't think I was ever not me, James."

I couldn't help but roll my eyes but it wasn't me who responded. "Glad to see you didn't lose that charming wit of yours while you were sleeping, dear."

I glanced over at my shoulder to find the room occupied by my father, sister, and brother.

"Speaking of sleeping," my sister smirked, looking at me. "Are you aware that you drool in your sleep?"

I glared at her. "Really? We're going to talk about me right now and not say, oh I don't know, the fact that our mother is okay?"

Lily grinned sheepishly as she hopped on to the end of Mum's bed, her attention back on the older woman. "How are you feeling?"

"Like a mob of hippogriffs got together with a pack of dragons and decided to skin me alive with their sharp hooves."

I stifled a laugh but Dad didn't bother, the sound of his laughter filling my ear with such a sweet melody. "Do dragons actually have hooves?" he chuckled.

"How about you get trampled by a pack of dragons so we can find out?"

Yep, my mother was definitely back.

"The Healers say you'll be in here for a few days, mostly for observation, and you're looking at a rather intense healing process but overall your vitals look good," Dad said, planting a kiss atop Mum's head. "Thank you for coming back to us."

"Like any of you could get rid of me that easily," she huffed. "This family would go to hell in a handbasket if I wasn't around keeping it together."

Maybe eight hours earlier, I would have agreed with her.

But as I looked at Dad, who was looking at me, and as we both smiled, I had a feeling that the Potters were going to turn out just fine.

"I don't know about that," I said hesitantly, my eyes not leaving Dad's. "We need you, Mum, obviously, but we would have found a way to survive because that's what family does. We love each other through the good and even more through the bad."

I met the surprise and awe in her gaze, emotions that I fully expected, and she snuck a quick peek towards the others before turning back to me and asking in a quiet voice, "Did you read my letter?"

I nodded. "I did," I whispered. "And in case I don't' say it enough, hell in case I don't say it at all, I love you, Mum."

Relief filled her gaze, the same emotion I felt in my heart, right before Albus ruined it.

"Well, isn't this just one bloody heartwarming reunion," he drawled in very heavy sarcasm before turning on his heel and storming out.

I watched him retreat with a frown, along with the rest of my family, and when I glanced back over at them, their frowns were directed at me. "Does anyone else think he's turning just a little too much into me for their liking?"

"You are his older brother," Dad said hesitantly. "Whether you realize it or not, he looks up to you."

"Of course he looks up to me. I'm taller."

That earned me three identical looks of dry incredulity.

The last thing I wanted to do was attempt a conversation with my brother, not when I had a feeling it wouldn't end well, but in the past eight hours, I had grown accustomed to doing things I felt uncomfortable doing so with a sigh and a groan, I turned on my heels and reluctantly chased after Albus.

I caught up to him just outside the courtyard, the same courtyard where Dad and I finally hashed it out. I wondered if I'd be given the chance to do the same with Albus.

I had a feeling I shouldn't hold my breath.

"What the hell do you want?" Albus sneered.

"Well, you're clearly pissed at me and instead of continuing with this passive-aggressiveness back and forth I decided that maybe we could try to be adults here and have an actual conversation," I drawled.

He glared at me. "You think that's what I'm doing? Being passive aggressive just for the sake of being so?"

"I don't know. You tell me."

That time, when I glanced into his eyes, it wasn't just anger I saw but a whole world full of painful emotions. "Do you know what everyone is saying back at Hogwarts about Mum?"

That question threw me for a loop. "Er…no. I tend to ignore the gossip mill."

That clearly wasn't' the right thing to say for his anger flared up. "Easy to ignore it when you disappeared for a day," he hissed. "They're blaming me for this. And Reese. Or her family or her family connections or whatever. That this was their way of warning us against getting involved, that a Potter and a Greengrass don't belong together. _That Mum deserved what she got_."

Anger flared up in my heart. " _Are you fucking kidding me_? They caught the guys! It had nothing to do with Reese!"

"Yes, I'm plenty aware of that," he seethed. "But no one seems to give a shit about the truth. And maybe you'd realize that if you hadn't gone MIA for the whole goddamned day and left the rest of us to deal with this kind of bullshit on our own."

I gaped at him. "You're…you're actually mad at me for not hearing vicious rumors?"

"I'm mad at you for not caring!"

" _What_?" I gawked. "I care! I cannot believe that people are using your relationship, or nonexistent one last I checked, to badmouth Reese for Mum's attack! Good Godric, no wonder she's so hesitant to get involved with you. People just love to hate on anyone associated with us, don't they."

What I thought might confuse or surprise or calm Albus down did exactly the opposite. Anger, so much anger, filled his face with nothing but red disbelief. "Oh but of course _her_ you care about!" he hissed before rushing down the hallway and out of sight.

It dawned on me then exactly what Albus had been trying to say.

It wasn't that he didn't think I cared about the rumors or the gossip. It was that he didn't think I cared about him.

Not like I blamed him. I never gave him much reason to.

And so for a second time that morning, I chased after him.

I found him around the corner, slumped down against the wall with his head buried in his hands. Hesitating, I slid down the wall beside him.

I saw him shake his head out of the corner of my eyes. "Go away," he pleaded.

"No."

His hands were still covering his face but I heard him growl. "Why not? Walking away from conflict is usually your favorite hobby."

I sighed, leaning my head back against the concrete wall. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you yesterday."

He snorted. "And that's different from every other day how?"

He wasn't at all wrong to say that and yet I could come up with a few different times I had been there for him when he least expected, or wanted, it.

And so that's where I started.

"Maybe I don't always show it," I muttered, "But I do know how to be there for you."

"You're so full of it," he sneered almost immediately.

I hesitated before asking, "Are you and Reese actually together?"

That got him to lift his head out of his hands, his head turning to me in a gawking manner. I saw then that tears rimmed his eyes. " _What_?"

"I was under the impression that you wanted a relationship and she didn't. Or, more accurately, you wanted a relationship and she's too afraid to admit that she wants one, too."

He blinked frantically. "How the hell do you know that?"

I just shrugged, ignoring the question to ask, "Well? Are you two together or not?"

He gaped at me. "Why are you asking?"

"Why aren't you answering?"

He rolled his eyes and leaned his head back against the wall, very much like I had done only moments earlier. Nothing was said at first, the exhaustion and the defeat settling into his weary eyes. He finally let out a sigh and murmured, "In a very sad and ironic turn of events, we got together two nights ago. Twelve hours before Mum got attacked and about fourteen hours before the school decided to blame me and Reese for it."

My blood boiled at the reminder but I pushed that aside to ask him, "Did Reese tell you why she changed her mind?"

"I assumed it was because I'm irresistible."

I couldn't help the laugh that escaped my lips and my brother gave me a weird look for it was rare for me to find anything he said humorous. When my laugh died down, I turned back into serious mode, needing him to know the truth that I had so blatantly been ignoring all these years.

"You wanted to know how I knew that you wanted a relationship with her while she was just a bit scared to admit it," I said hesitantly, "And it's because I overheard you talking in the hallway with her and I spoke to Reese about it afterward. I told her to stop keeping her feelings bottled in and to talk to you about them because you deserved better than that."

There was more shock in Albus' eyes as he gaped at me. "But…" he trailed off, shaking his head, "Why would you do that?"

I took a deep breath in and exhaled slowly. "Because," I muttered with an awkward shrug, "You're my younger brother. As easy as it is to pretend I don't care about you, the truth is, I've always had a habit of looking out for you."

His brow furrowed. "Seems like you did a perfectly fine job of keeping out my life for the past five years."

"You didn't need looking after then," I said softly. "You had Rose and you had Scorpius and you had Kat. This year, you lost them at times so I filled in because I didn't know how not to."

He grew quiet. Too quiet. And when he spoke next, I was surprised by his words.

"Maybe they weren't the only ones who felt lost this year."

I looked over at him, confused. "What do you mean by that?"

He just shook his head. "Nothing. Never mind."

"No," I urged, "It definitely meant something."

"I'm just so tired of…" he blurted out before stopping himself. He sighed, clearly trying hard to compose himself before saying, "I'm tired of being the middle child."

I looked at him. "Yeah, there's literally nothing I can do to not make you the middle child anymore so you're going to need to give me something else here."

His eyes focused on the floor directly below his feet, a crease of anxiety suddenly forming between his eyebrows. "You want to know why I was so frustrated by your disappearing act yesterday?"

"Because apparently Potter men are irresistible?"

He shot me a look.

Clearly, he was in no mood for jokes.

Offering him an apologetic smile, I said, "Why?"

His gaze returned to the floor but I saw the defeat settle into his gaze. "Because once again everyone was worried about you and your feelings. And once again, they were worried about Dad because he was pretty much nowhere to be found all day – seems like you two have that in common. And once again they were worried about Lily who was pretty much crying into her hands every hour on the hour. But me? No one worries about me. Everyone thinks I'm the guy who has it all together, who has everything figured out, who doesn't need protecting or watching over. So they let me be. And that's supposed to be a good thing and most of the time, it is. But my mother was lying in a hospital bed all day and we had no idea what her fate was going to be and there wasn't a single person who wanted to know how I was doing. I just sat off to the side, forgotten about while they all spent their time worrying about you and Dad and Lily and obviously Mum. It's been like that my whole life. Sometimes, it just feels like I'm an outsider in this family."

I gaped at him, musing over his words curiously. "But…" I trailed off as I struggled for the right words. "You were the one that always fit in. I was the one who never did."

Still, he stared at the floor and still, the defeat rested in his eyes. "It wasn't that I fit in, James, it was that I forced myself to," he murmured. "When you decided to go off and be the rebellious one in the family, I subconsciously felt as if it was my responsibility to be exactly the opposite. I forced myself to be a mini-version of Dad, desperate for his approval. Desperate for everyone's approval. Desperate for any sort of attention. And the ironic thing is, all it did was make me fade into the background and there came a point where I wasn't even me anymore. I was just the version of me everyone needed me to be."

I never thought about it that way but it suddenly became so clear as to why Albus had lost his voice and his confidence over the years. Trying to force yourself to be something you weren't had a habit of breaking you.

"And I was the version no one wanted me to be," I muttered.

He peeked over at me out of the corner of his eye. "What do you mean?"

I didn't respond immediately, gathering my thoughts in a carefully comprehensive way, before finally saying,

"I felt like no one cared about me, like no one _wanted_ to care about me. I was the difficult, rebellious one who was easier to dismiss than love. You won the hearts of our parents years ago and I never felt like I did. And I know now I'm to blame for that but it just felt easier blaming you. They had so many reasons to be proud of you and I only ever gave them trouble. You've always been the perfect son in every way. And I felt as if that didn't leave a whole lot of room for me."

I could feel his dumbfounded gaze on me but still I didn't turn. "Is that why you suddenly decided to hate me all those years ago?"

I turned towards him sharply. "I don't hate you, Al. I never did. I didn't always like you but I never hated you."

He grew quiet, staring at his fingernails contemplatively. "But you certainly made it seem that way," he spoke softly. "We used to get along, James. When we were kids, we were always doing things together. And then you came to Hogwarts, came to the conclusion that Dad was a fraud and when I didn't immediately think the same, you suddenly decided I wasn't worth your time. Instead of just being my brother, you became my enemy and I never really understood what it is I did to deserve that."

I could only sigh and cringe and groan for he had every right to be hurt and confused. "You seemed to play the role of the perfect son," I murmured. "The perfect son that I never was. It wasn't that I hated you, Al. It was that I was jealous."

He gaped at me. "Jealous?" he said incredulously.

I nodded reluctantly. "I somehow got it into my head that you were upstaging me on purpose, that you were trying to be better than me at everything," I sighed. "I know now that you were just being you and I was just being me. But it always seemed that Mum and Dad liked the you version a lot better than the me version."

"That isn't true," he spoke hastily. "You know that, right?"

"No," I admitted with a shrug. "I think a part of me will always believe they liked you more than me. But I get why. You were just easier. Easier to care for and easier to talk to and easier to praise and easier to love. I made it difficult every step of the way. You didn't. And instead of recognizing that, I used it against you. I blamed you for being the son they always wanted when I clearly wasn't."

He looked up at me, curiosity dangling in his gaze. "It's funny, isn't it?" he spoke hesitantly. "How we resented each other for all the things we ironically resented about ourselves?"

My lips pursed. "Funny is one way to describe it," I drawled. "Depressing is another."

Silence filled the hallway before he spoke again. "Maybe it's time we just try to be ourselves instead of versions of ourselves."

Yeah, the question was, how was I supposed to do that?

"Maybe it's time we forget the past and work for a better future," I muttered for the idea of finding out who I could be seemed complicated. But wanting to find out certainly wasn't.

"You really think we can do that?"

"I really think we can try."

There was another tense silence that danced between us before he turned to me, curiosity in his gaze. "Can I ask you something?"

I groaned. "Haven't we done enough emotional groundbreaking for one day?"

He cracked a smile. "Did you mean what you said back in Mum's room? That as a family, we love each other through both the good and the bad?"

That wasn't the question I was expecting but I answered it anyway. "Yeah, I did."

He hesitated. "Does that include you and Dad?"

I should have seen that coming. With a quiet chuckle, I said, "Still feeling the need to speak on his behalf, are you?"

He shoved me hard. "Oh, fuck off."

I just laughed. I think I was starting to really like the backbone my brother had found. "Dad and I will be fine," I said vaguely.

His eyebrows shot way up. "Seriously?"

I nodded. "Seriously."

He looked both curious and impressed but only said, "Nothing like a family tragedy to bring two people together, hm?"

"Yes, actually, I'm convinced Mum got attacked on purpose just so she could get Dad and me to talk things out."

He clearly thought it would be improper to laugh at that, trying to hold it in, but the laugh spilled out anyway and I quickly joined in. "Ah, but don't you remember? Mum got attacked because Reese and I are in a relationship."

I recoiled in disgust. "Okay, I'm really going to have to find out who said that so that I can punch their lying mouths off of their smug faces."

"I'm really going to have to find out who said that so that I can help."

My right eyebrow went up. "Promoting violence, are you? Damn, maybe you really are turning into me."

"I hope not. I rather like winning on the Quidditch pitch."

I shoved him but he just chuckled.

I knew that Mum didn't get attacked on purpose but it happened for a reason and maybe making things right with Dad and Albus was just a small part of that.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I was able to get my mother alone mid-day, which was a rather surprising feat considering the army that my family was.

"Smart move, sneak attacking that letter in with Teddy's," I teased, dropping on to the chair beside her bed.

"The thing you'll soon realize, if you haven't already, is that all Weasleys are masters of deception," she teased right back.

I mused over her words. "Even Uncle Percy?"

She hesitated. "I'm sure he has it in him. Deep down. Deep, deep down."

I laughed but it faded very quickly as I turned to my mother with guilt in my eyes. "I'm sorry, Mum, for everything I said to you after my last Quidditch match."

Her smile wavered. "It's okay, James," she spoke softly.

"It's not," I nearly pleaded.

She met my gaze. "I get why you did it. I know all too well what it's like to want to protect your heart from dealing with any other unexpected heartbreak. I spent years during the war doing the exact same thing. Maybe even some of the years after. But it's not a healthy, or a happy, way to live. I don't want that for you."

I nodded knowingly. "So much of me just wanted a clean break, wanted to start over, wanted a way out and I guess I thought pushing you away might actually give that to me. For the record, it didn't. It just made me feel worse."

She peered up at me with so much hesitation in her eyes. "Do you still want that?" she whispered. "A clean break, a chance to start over, a way out?"

I considered her words carefully before shaking my head. "A chance to start over maybe, but I'm not looking for a way out anymore. Now, I'm just looking for a way back in."

She reached for my hand and I took it. "You'll always have an in with me, James."

I swallowed the lump in my throat, sensing so much desperation in her tone. "I know that now, Mum. Maybe I always knew it but just didn't want to see it," I whispered. "At some point, I stopped seeing you as my mother and started seeing you as Dad's wife only. I let myself believe that you would always take his side over mine. It wasn't that I felt like I was second place in your heart, Mum. I just felt like there was no room for me at all."

"That's not true, James," she pleaded.

"I know," I said before she could attempt to defend herself. "It was all in my head, most of it anyway, my mind's way of trying to protect my heart. I believed what I wanted to believe."

She reached for my hand and I took it. "And what do you believe now?"

I met the curiosity in her gaze and said, "That love really does exist and it can do very powerful things."

As predicted, shock and amazement stared back at me. "Some people go their whole lives without believing that."

I hesitated and then said the one thing that I knew was true of me for so long. "Then I guess some people are just too afraid to live their lives."

I locked eyes with her, a moment of clear realization passing between us, before she smiled. "I'm glad you're not one of those people, James."

I used to be one of those people. I wasn't anymore.

I smiled and leaned over to press a kiss to her cheek. "Me, too, Mum. Me, too."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"Your father, mother, _and_ Albus?" Fred was saying to me in an incredibly incredulous tone.

I nodded.

He blinked and turned to Alice, whose jaw was parted just as much as his was. "His father, mother, and Albus?"

"Apparently so."

He turned back to me. "All of this while we were sleeping?"

I nodded again.

He blinked once and then again. "Anything else happen while I was sleeping that I should be made aware of?" he said dryly. "Please tell me you and AliCat are still together."

I rolled my eyes. "You're being dramatic."

He and Alice broke out into simultaneous laughter and I just sighed. I never should have told them that I made things right with every member of my family in a matter of hours.

"Oh, sure we've being dramatic when you spent the last six years vowing to keep yourself at a far, _far_ distance from your father," Fred cackled.

"Sure, we're being dramatic when you spent the last month _burning_ your mother's letters," Alice added.

"Sure, we're being dramatic when you spent the last five years hating your brother for even exist-"

"Okay, I think I get it," I raised my voice, offering them another eye roll. "I'm not saying everything is perfect. That's going to take time. But it's just…not bad anymore."

"Good," Alice said with a smile as she leaned over to kiss me. "You deserve some not bad in your life, Jay."

I wasn't completely sure of that. I had spent so much time convincing myself that my father didn't love me, living with fabricated pain and agony because I was too much of a coward to just talk to him about it outright. I always skirted the subject or found a way to insult him or anger him and it almost always had him walking away. I had always blamed him for that, blamed him for finding it so easy to just give up on me, but I made him believe that I had given up first. Maybe he should have tried a little harder, maybe he should have been the one to ask me so many years ago why I had stopped loving him, but then again, maybe he was just afraid to find out it was true of me that I was to find out it was true of him.

But the real truth was, neither one of us had stopped loving each other. We had just stopped showing it. We had stopped communicating. We had stopped caring about caring for each other. And I meant it when I said that things weren't perfect, that it would take a long time to get there, but at least we were both finally willing to put in the effort.

"Okay, but seriously, was there anything else I missed while I was sleeping?" Fred questioned. "Has world peace been solved? How about that whole global warming thing? Are we ever going to find out who actually killed Kennedy? Did you finally learn exactly what a horcrux was? Or-"

"Okay, I'm officially done telling you things now," I chuckled, draping my arm around Alice's shoulders and steering the two of us away.

"-did anyone else walk in on you having sex?"

Alice stopped short and I stumbled over my feet, cringing. She turned to me with a raised eyebrow, her cheeks turning a light shade of pink. I let out a sheepish chuckle and said, "Oh, hey, by the way, Fred knows about that whole Dad incident."

"Oh, yes, thank you so much for warning me," she drawled sarcastically. Glancing over at Fred, she said, "And let the record show that he didn't walk in on us _having_ sex. He walked in after. Please do not change that narrative when you spread this little story around."

"Who says I would spread this story around?" he said with a feigned gasp.

She gave him a look.

"Okay, so I might have already told Ryleigh and Rose."

" _Fred_!"

"Oh, and Dash."

 _"You better fucking run, Weasley, unless you fancy yourself a dead man."_

He let out a yelp before taking off down the hallway with my girlfriend right on his heels.

Me? I could only grin. Just yesterday I thought my entire world was crashing down around me and now I felt more alive than ever.

Maybe life was finally going my way.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

In all the chaos of that week, we had all seemingly forgotten that Easter Break was the following week so instead of any of us heading back to Hogwarts, we just stayed back at the house. I was happy to spend more time with my mother, and even the rest of my family, and I was even happier not to be in the presence of the superficial students who I'm sure would have loved to ask me about the status of my mother. That, or somehow find a way to still blame Reese even though the three ex-Death Eaters who had attacked my mother, three ex-Death Eaters with no ties to the Greengrasses whatsoever, were currently in Azkaban awaiting a trial that not a single person I've spoken to thought they could win.

"Alright, here goes. The schedule of events for the next two months," I spoke on Friday evening, tearing off a piece of parchment and clearing my throat, "Easter Break. Yay, no school!"

"Except we're supposedly studying Potions right now because, oh that's right, _we have N.E. in less than two months_."

"Supposedly being the key word," I smirked. "Easter Feast at the Burrow on Sunday. Get ready to have our arses handed to us by every single member of my family who will interrogate you about our relationship until you are running for the hills. Oh, yeah, and we'll eat some ham and potatoes and vanilla bean cake in between all the interrogations. And drink our weight in alcohol to tune out the crazies."

"Someone is being dramatic today."

"Monday morning, nurse a hangover."

Alice leaned over to glance at the page in my hands and sighed. "Oh, Merlin, you literally have 'nurse a hangover' on your list."

"Monday and Tuesday and Wednesday afternoons, plant ourselves in front of the wireless—preferably at a bar somewhere with other rowdy fans—and listen to the Quidditch semifinals. I still haven't a clue who I'm rooting for between the Harpies and the Macaws as long as the Cannons kick the Magpies' arse."

"Like I was supposed to believe you were rooting for anyone other than Cannons?"

I waved my finger in her direction. "I'd like to point out that nowhere in my schedule of events does it say 'Ace gets cheeky with her charming boyfriend.'"

"Good thing I don't see a charming boyfriend anywhere around here," Alice teased, leaning over to press a kiss to my lips.

I abandoned the list for a moment to kiss her back, bringing my hand to the side of her abdomen and rolling her towards me, our lips meeting with its usual ferocity. My door was wide open, per instructions from my father, but while there was no way in hell any of our clothes were coming off, I had no problem snogging her like there was no tomorrow.

"Hey, remember when we were supposed to be testing each other on Potions ingredients?" Alice murmured in between kisses.

"Hey, remember when it was impossible for me to study with you looking so bloody beautiful all the damned time?" I responded with a grin, pressing my lips to hers once again.

She kissed me back before gently shoving my chest. "You can compliment me all you want, but we are getting work done tonight."

"Is this because you're afraid of my father walking in on us again?" I whined.

"Walking in after. _After_. I feel like that detail needs be reiterated."

I chuckled and tried to kiss her again, but she turned her head with a laugh. "C'mon, finish that stupid schedule of events of yours so we can get back to work."

I let out a gasp of feigned shock. "This schedule is not stupid!"

She giggled. "Just get on with it."

I reached back over for the parchment and cleared my throat. "Thursday of Easter Break, celebrate the Cannons win at the Dragon's Lair with the entire gang. Sunday, back at King's Cross Station where we say goodbye to our last break as Hogwarts students. Saturday, April 17th, watch the epic Ravenclaw-Slytherin match and pray that one of the teams score less points than Gryffindor currently has so that we can secure our spot in the finals. Spend four weeks training our arses off morning, noon, and night. Screw N.E.W.T.s and screw sleep. Quidditch comes first!"

"Good luck trying to sell that to the entire team," Alice chuckled.

"Saturday, May 14th, play in finals, win the Cup, and have the most epic party in the common room. Oh, and then for the rest of the school year, blah blah, study, blah blah N.E.W.T.s, plan graduation prank, blah blah graduate, et cetera et cetera," I said, folding the parchment and tossing it to the side. "Any questions?"

"Yes," she drawled. "You're officially insane."

"That wasn't a question."

"No, but it had to be said," she giggled, reaching over and grabbing the parchment off the bed. Looking through it, she said, "Hm, that's weird."

"What is?"

"You're missing something on your schedule."

"That's impossible!" I scoffed, snatching it out of her hands and glancing through it. "What am I missing?"

When I glanced at her, I noticed an impish smile on her face. "Well, nowhere on this schedule of yours does it say we snog shamefully like the very horny teenagers we are."

My eyebrow popped up. "Oh, look, I think a spot just opened up right about… _now_ ," I whispered, leaning over and pressing my lips to hers.

She laughed and threw her arms around my neck, letting her lips dance feverishly against mine. Our tongues swirled together, our hands roamed all over our bodies, our pelvises crashed against each other, until we were both gasping for breath. Wrapping my arms around her, I smirked and said, "So much for testing each other on Potions ingredients."

She draped her arms around my neck and said, "Well, it's official. You're definitely a bad influence on me."

Her lips touched mine and I kissed her, a chuckle bubbling in my throat. "Says the girl who claims I was missing 'snog shamefully' on my schedule."

Pressing a chaste kiss to my lips, she then pulled back and said, "Oh, I'm sorry, did you want to go back to studying instead?"

I wrapped my arms around her waist and drew her towards me, clutching her tightly. "No bloody way."

She grinned and said, "I didn't think so" right before kissing me again.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Mum was released on Saturday morning and for the first time since I was a little kid, I spent the entire day with just my immediate family, the five of us suddenly turning into an unexpectedly dedicated family. We all gathered in the living room and listened to Louis' morning sports talkshow, scoured old family photo albums making fun of outdated hairdos, watched some of Mum's favorite movies, fought over who would be making it to the professional Quidditch finals, fought over who would be making it to Hogwarts' Quidditch finals, and at the end of the day, we ate dinner as a family that Albus, Lily, and I cooked (somehow without burning the kitchen down). I tried recalling the last time we did that and it was so far back, I came up blank.

When I awoke Sunday morning, Easter morning to be exact, I had a smile on my face and for the first time in a long time, it felt real.

Trekking down to the kitchen for a glass of water, I stopped short in the archway when I saw Reese sitting at the kitchen island alone.

I blinked and rubbed my eyes. "Did I sleepwalk into the wrong house last night?"

Reese looked up and met my gaze with a smile. Hers, however, felt far from real. "Good morning to you, too. Are you aware your hair is even more unruly first thing in the morning than it is throughout the rest of the day?"

"Are you aware that you're in the wrong house?"

She rolled her eyes. "I just came over to see how Albus was doing."

I glanced around the kitchen. "And yet he's not here."

"He's just getting dressed," she explained. "We're going to head out for a walk."

"Word of advice, avoid Diagon Alley," I drawled irritably as I reached into the pantry and grabbed a box of cereal. Silence filled the kitchen as I shuffled towards the refrigerator for the milk. Pouring both into a bowl, I returned the milk to the refrigerator and left the cereal box out on the counter before sliding into the empty chair beside Reese. "So I know you're here to see how Albus is doing but may I ask how you're doing?"

She looked puzzled. "Your mother was the one in a hospital bed for four days. I believe that question would be better directed at you."

"She's fine so I'm fine," I said dismissively, taking a bite of cereal before continuing. "But I heard you had a bit of a rough week because of my mother in that hospital bed."

She turned her gaze away from me with a sigh. "Nothing I haven't dealt with before. That's what I get for having a family who was involved on the wrong side of the war."

She was both trying to cover up how bothered she was while at the same time not even attempting to hide it. It was a hard thing to do and yet it comes easy with exhaustion and low energy. It made me sad for her. "You shouldn't have to deal with it though."

She shrugged. "It is what it is."

I frowned. "You're not here to break up with my brother, are you?"

She turned to me sharply. " _What_?"

I grimaced. "I distinctly remember you saying you weren't looking to be turned into some sort of spectacle, that you weren't interested in being pitted against Al or have your family pitted against ours, that you weren't looking to make things any harder for either one of you," I reminded her. "And then twelve hours after making it official with my brother, that is exactly what happened. So it's not completely unjustified if you were looking for a quick exit. It would suck because that would mean listening to a bunch of insolent hotheads, but it wouldn't be unjustified."

She grew quiet and a hollow pit formed in the base of my stomach with every second that dragged on without an answer.

"I wish I could say the thought hadn't crossed my mind but it did," she muttered, "When Pruitt had the entire school believing his stupid rumor and they were all looking at me like I just murdered a littler of puppies, there was a small part of me that thought maybe it was better to just call it quits."

Of course Brooks fucking Pruitt was behind this.

Mental note: kill Pruitt.

Another mental note: ask Hugo to help me hide the body.

"But you're right," she said with a shrug, "That just means they win. And Merlin knows I don't handle losing well."

I cracked a smile. "So you're in this for the long haul?"

"If Albus will have me, yeah."

I opened my mouth but it wasn't my voice who spoke. "Of course I'll have you," Albus said, swiftly entering the room with a furrowed eyebrow. "Why wouldn't I?"

Reese and I both jumped at the unexpected visitor, turning towards the entry archway. "Oh, haven't you heard?" Reese drawled at him. "I'm a bad influence on the world and you can do so much better."

Albus' head shook immediately. "Fuck that," he growled and I chuckled to myself when I saw Reese's eyebrow raise slightly at Albus' use of profanity for that wasn't something he did often. "No one is better than you, Reese."

I pretended to stick my finger down my throat and gag, earning me a smack to the shoulder by Reese and a glare from my brother. "I don't care what anyone else thinks," Albus continued as he entered the room and came up beside Reese. "I've been playing the role of the perfect saint in this family for sixteen years. Maybe it's about time I rebelled against everyone else's so-called expectations and just worried about my own."

I loved how my rebellious side was rubbing of on others. It was a fun power to have.

"Really?" Reese asked softly. "Because I'd understand if you didn't want to continue this. I'm not exactly the type of person everyone thought you'd wind up with and that can't be easy for you to deal-"

She was cut off by my brother kissing her which was both amusing and disturbing at the same time.

"Oh, gross. I'm trying to eat breakfast here," I groaned, shoving my bowl of cereal away.

My brother pulled back from Reese, dropping his arm on to the back of her chair in a rather protective way, before turning to me and saying, "Stop being such a Drama Queen. It's just a kiss. It's not like you're Dad walking in on us having sex like he did with you."

Reese's mouth dropped open while my cheeks turned a rather bright shade of red. "I'm going to fucking kill Fred," I said through gritted teeth. "And for the record, it was _after_. Not during. I feel like that detail keeps getting distorted."

"I don't care if it was during or after, it's fucking hilarious," Reese said as she doubled over with laughter.

I jumped down off the kitchen stool with a sigh and headed towards the exit.

"Where are you going?" Albus somehow asked between his own laughs.

" _To kill Fred_!"

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

He unfortunately wasn't home so I had to put off my killing plans until later. Instead, I found myself apparating to Teddy and Victoire's house for it had occurred to me that I had never extended a proper apology to Teddy for how I had spoken to him in the hospital.

Victoire opened the door with Dora in her arms. "James," she said in surprise. "What are you doing here?"

"Happy Easter," I greeted with a smile, reaching over to blow a kiss on Dora's cheeks. "Is Teddy home?"

"Yeah, he's in the study," she said curiously for it was rare of me to just pop by unannounced. "He's reading up on Auror Messing's notes on the arrest of the guys who attacked your mother."

An intense flutter squeezed down on my chest. "Why?" I asked nervously. "It was a good arrest, right? Those guys aren't going to get away with what they did, are they?"

"No," she urged, shaking her head at me. "He's just being thorough. You know how he is."

Teddy didn't get emotionally involved in much at work, knowing it was best not to, but when he did, he put his whole life, and heart, into it.

I nodded and she gestured me inside. Hesitating, I turned to her and said, "Mind if I take Dora with me? Might make it easier to get Teddy to forgive me with her cute face staring up at him."

She looked confused by that and I realized then that Teddy hadn't told her what I had said which only somehow made it worse because he always told her everything.

"What happened between you two?" she asked, concerned herself.

"I said something pretty shitty to him," I muttered guiltily. Glancing down at Dora, I grimaced. "Bad. I said something pretty bad to him."

Victoire didn't crack a smile but she did offer me a sympathetic nod before handing Dora over to me.

"Yames," she greeted with a giggle.

I blew another kiss on her cheek. "We really need to work on that J sound of yours, little girl."

I thanked Victoire and took off down the hallway to the last door on the right. I knocked but without bothering waiting for a reply, I pushed the door open and popped my head in.

Teddy looked up wearily and did a double-take when he saw it was me. Immediately, his eyes darkened. "James," he spoke stiffly. "What are you doing here?"

I walked into the study and shut the door behind me before hesitantly taking a seat in the chair opposite his desk. "Happy Easter," I spoke tentatively.

His eyebrow popped up. "I doubt you came all the way over here to wish me a Happy Easter," he drawled.

I shook my head as I leaned back in the chair. "No, I'm here to tell you that I'm a world-class idiot and I am so sorry for bringing up your mother to you the way I did."

His eyes softened at the apology but his gaze went from mine to his daughter's. "Did you bring her in with you in an attempt to tug on my heartstrings a bit?"

I grinned sheepishly. "You know me so well."

He nodded. "I do," he said softly, "Which is why I know you didn't mean any ill will with what you said."

"No, but I still never should have said it."

He hesitated before shrugging. "Well, I suppose I can't disagree with you there."

I winced for I knew he was forgiving me but it didn't stop me from feeling like that world-class idiot. "Tell me what I need to do to make it up to you."

A rather mischievous grin appeared on his face and I immediately wanted to take back my request. "What are you doing on Friday say around seven o'clock?"

I hesitated. "I really wish I could come up with a quick lie on the spot."

He laughed and explained. "I could really use your babysitting skills."

I let out a sigh of relief. That wasn't so bad. "For any particular reason?"

He pouted. "How quickly you forget your godbrother's birthday."

Shit.

"I didn't forget," I huffed. "I have your gift all wrapped and ready to go."

Note to self: buy Teddy a birthday gift.

He smirked knowingly. "So you in for the babysitting gig or what?"

I looked down at Dora with an eager look. "Well, whatdya say, Dora? You want Uncle James and Auntie Alice to look after you for a night?"

She cheered as if she had any real idea what I was saying while Teddy behind his desk just groaned. "Please do not have sex with Alice on my couch. We do not need another walking-in-on-you-having-sex situation."

I gaped at him before scowling. " _I am literally going to kill Fred_."

Teddy chuckled and shook his head. "Not Fred."

I shot him a look. "Okay, so one of the other many cousins who have a big mouth. Either way, it started with-"

"Actually," he smirked, a smirk I really didn't like, "It was your father. Told me he was slightly scarred for life for catching his son in bed with a girl he has known since diapers."

My face turned a light shade of pink. "Please tell me he's not spreading this around to her father who helped change those diapers."

Teddy recoiled in disgust. "Merlin, no! Neville would kill him just for helping to create you, the guy who's doing his daughter."

I felt the smallest amount of relief in my heart but I merely rolled my eyes. "'Doing his daughter?'" I repeated in a dry drawl. "Gee, could you make it sound any more unsavory?"

"Yeah, I could have said you were the guy fuck-"

" _Dude_ , there's a child present!" I said with a gasp of feigned horror. "Your child, to be exact."

He both chuckled and rolled his eyes. "Get the heck out of here, J. I have work to do. I'll see you at the Burrow later."

I picked myself off the chair with a nod but stopped at the door. Turning around, I said, "Those guys are going to be found guilty, right?"

He looked confused for just a moment before he realized what I was talking about. He looked down at the notes in his hand with a small nod. "There isn't a single jury out there who wouldn't convict and I'm going to help make sure of it."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"I cannot believe you're showing up to this thing," I was laughing at Reese who was currently sitting in our living room in a rather pretty green dress beside Albus. "My family is going to pounce on you so fast. I don't know if you're aware of this but Albus is the favorite child so people tend to protect him a little more than the rest of us. You are in for a world of embarrassing questions."

"Ignore him, he's being an idiot," Albus said, rolling his eyes.

Reese looked at him. "So your family isn't going to ask me a bunch of embarrassing questions?"

He hesitated. "Er…well, no they totally are. But that doesn't make James any less of an idiot."

She groaned while I merely chuckled, finding too much amusement in the situation to be bothered by Albus' comment.

"That's why I was smart enough not to invite CJ to the Burrow," Lily spoke as she walked into the living room in a lacy lilac dress, one that was unexpectedly modest which made me happy.

"That and he didn't go home for the break so he's stuck at Hogwarts," Albus snorted.

She hesitated. "Yeah, okay, that, too."

The four of us broke out into laughter just as my parents entered the room arguing about a bottle of wine. "You were supposed to get the wine, Gin. You said you would," Dad whined.

"I just got out of the hospital yesterday. What makes you think I should have been responsible for doing anything except rest?" she spoke, putting her hand on her hip in a 'I-dare-you-to-challenge-me' way.

Dad hesitated and glanced over to us, all of whom were trying to keep a straight face. "I can't win this argument, can I."

"Recent injury trumps everything, Dad," I smirked, jumping off the couch and clapping him on the shoulder. "Should we get this ridiculous shindig over with? Er…I mean, should we get going to spend a delightful amount of time with our delightful family?"

"Please never say the word 'delightful' again," Lily said, shaking her head as she wandered off towards the library's fireplace.

Reese and Albus climbed off the couch, the former looking slightly skeptical.

With a guilty chuckle, I swung my arm around her shoulder. "Oh, relax, you'll be fine," I said with an eager nod. "At least none of them will blame you for Mum's attack. I think."

Albus shoved me on the shoulder but I was too busy laughing alongside Mum and Dad to even bother retaliating.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

The Burrow was crammed full of people and while most of them seemed very eager in dissecting Fred and Ryleigh's relationship as well as Albus and Reese's and Rose and Jax's, I was very mistaken if I assumed that because they knew Alice growing up that we wouldn't be bombarded with our own share of questions.

And it didn't stop any of the cousins for laughing at the very idea of Dad walking in on me and Alice.

" _After_ ," I scowled at Rose. "He walked in after! Dammit, where the hell is your father so I can tell him all the dirty things you and Jax have been up to?"

"You wouldn't dare," she chuckled.

"Keep mocking me and I might," I growled before glancing to Rose's right where Jax sat happily nibbling on vanilla bean cake. "How has the family been treating you, Bloch?"

"They can treat me however they want if they keep supplying me with vanilla bean cake," he said with a goofy grin.

Rose patted his head. "You're so easy to please."

"That's one of the things I plan on telling your father, Rosie."

I ducked as a plastic spoon came barreling at my head.

"I made a grievous mistake," a new voice chimed in and I swiveled my head around as Louis dropped down on to the seat beside me at the picnic table.

"Inviting Olive here?" I said.

"That would be the one," he groaned, placing his head on the table. "I assumed there were so many other new couples that she might actually get a break for once from our family's usual pestering."

Rose and I shared a look before doubling over with laughter.

"Like I said," Louis sighed. "Grievous mistake."

"Where is she anyway?"

"I believe I last saw her running out of the house screaming."

That only set Rose and me off again and while I was about 95% sure he was joking, there was a 5% chance he wasn't.

"I believe Alice went with her," Louis teased. "Then again, that's expected as I can only assume that every single cousin has brought up the Uncle Harry walking in on you two incident."

My face turned a deep shade of red. " _He walked in after_ ," I groaned just as I spotted Fred and Ryleigh walking out of the back door into the gardens.

I jumped up off the picnic table bench and shouted, "You're a dead man, Fred Weasley!"

He yelped and ran off.

Guess the only one doing the running and screaming today was him.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

It was early, too early, the next morning when there was a knock at my door. Peeking one eye open, I heard the door creak open as my father's head appeared in the doorway with a goofy grin on his face.

"What time is it?" I groaned. "And why do you look so creepy?"

"I've got something for you."

"Great, can you give it to me sometime when the sun is up?"

"I could but by that time I'll be at work and it would be too late."

Letting out another groan, I reluctantly sat up in bed. "Alright, you've got my attention. What is it?"

He pulled out what appeared to be ticket stubs from behind his back and placed them on my bedside table. With a stifled yawn, I picked them up and glanced at the top.

To which I bolted out of bed in pure shock. Gaping at my father, I said, "This isn't some sort of sick joke, is it?"

He chuckled. "No. Being the Head of the Auror Department gives me several connections in so many different worlds and that includes the world of professional Quidditch."

Still, my mouth hung open. I held up my hand with the tickets. "These are Cannons-Magpies playoff tickets."

"Yes, I can read, too, James."

"These are Cannons-Magpies suite box playoff tickets."

"Still very much literate."

"These are Cannons-Magpies suite box playoff tickets for today's game."

"Is there going to be a thank you coming anytime soon?"

My head was both reeling and confused, but I blamed that on the very early time. "Are you actually giving me these tickets or are you going with other people and you're just very cruelly bragging about it to my face at six in the morning?"

He couldn't help but laugh. "You and I are only just figuring out how to patch things up between us and you think bragging about going to a playoff Quidditch match without you would be my way to do it?"

I considered his words, a curious frown spreading across my face. "Are you just giving me these tickets as a way of trying to make up for the past six years?"

He hesitated. "Depends, is it working?"

"Hell yeah!"

He shrugged. "Then that's exactly what I'm trying to do."

I grinned and did a very embarrassing jig around the room, the excitement bubbling up from within. As many Quidditch matches as I had been to, I had never set foot in the stands for a playoff game. "How about I'll make up for the past six years by buying you a beer at the game?" I said giddily. Hesitating, "Oh, and can I borrow a few galleons to buy you a beer at the game?"

He chuckled and shook his head. "I'm not going to the game, James. Those are for you and your friends."

Confusion once again settled into my expression. "It's a playoff game," I spoke matter-of-factly. "How can you not go?"

"Because it's an afternoon game and some people have this thing called a job," he said with a shrug. "And after last week, I can't afford to take off any time right now."

The giddiness in my step turned somber quickly. "Is everything okay with the trial? They're not going to get off somehow, are they?" I asked him in very much the same way I had asked Teddy.

"No," Dad responded in a clipped tone. "There were witnesses and the evidence against them is insurmountable. Their wands showed an extensive amount of illegal spells, not to mention one of them confessed almost immediately. They'll be dying in Azkaban as very old men, I can guarantee it."

I let out a slight sigh of relief. "Can I ask you something?"

He nodded.

"I can't remember a time that Mum was ever targeted even though she is the wife of a very influential wizard, not to mention the guy who took down Voldemort. You've obviously been targeted plenty of times, but why her? Why now?"

There was a flicker of shame in my father's eyes before he swiftly turned away. "Auror Messing who interviewed them told me that they thought they had a better shot at killing her than me and ultimately thought that would hurt me more. Evidently, they were under the impression that as a woman who hadn't spent years at combat training, she'd be weak," he murmured. "Boy, were they in for a surprise, weren't they?"

I could tell it was his attempt at lightening the mood but the gruesome mood wasn't exactly one that was easily able to be lightened.

"Why were they looking to hurt you?" I questioned.

He let out a quiet sigh. "There were a lot of families that were destroyed after the war, James. Families who were torn apart because parents and siblings and offspring were sent to Azkaban to serve a life sentence for their share of criminal activity during the war. And instead of blaming themselves, certain people prefer blaming me."

There was so much guilt in his tone, more so than I could ever remember hearing from him, and it was clear to me that he still felt a huge amount of burden from the aftereffects of the war even twenty-five years later.

"It's not your fault, Dad," I said. "They made their own decisions. Everyone did. You did what you had to do to fight and they all did the same. Some people died, some people chose the wrong side, but none of that's on you. You know that, right?"

Dad slowly turned towards me, the surprise and gratitude resting heavily in his eyes. "Everyone always likes to remind me of that," he murmured, "And maybe one day I'll actually believe it, too."

I wish there was something I could say to make him believe it now but I knew it was something he had always struggled with and it wasn't going to disappear anytime soon. So I just said, "Well, it sounds to me like you could use an afternoon off. Come to the game with me, Dad."

He looked both confused and grateful for the subject change. "I really can't. I've got a lot going on today."

I shot him a look. "You're the Head of the Auror Department. Surely, you can play hooky for one afternoon."

He just offered me a smile. "Take Alice, Fred, and Ryleigh. They'll appreciate it more."

I hesitated before saying, "If that's what you want me to do, I will. But also know that I would love it just as much if it was you and me going."

Appreciation shone out from behind my father's glasses. "Thank you," he said with a nod. "That means a lot."

I grinned and sidestepped past him out the door.

"Where are you going?" he called after me.

"To go give Alice and Fred the awesome news!" I said as I skipped down the hallway.

"At six-fifteen in the morning?"

I stopped at the end of the stairwell and did a one-eighty before heading back to my room. "I'm going to get four more hours of sleep and then I'm going to go give Alice and Fred the awesome news."

Dad chuckled as I slipped past him and dove headfirst back into my bed. "Enjoy the game, son. I'll be rooting for the Cannons from my office."

"Go Cannons!"

He chuckled. "Go Cannons!"

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Cannons won in by far the best match I have ever seen live. I was fairly certain I'd have little to no voice come the next day as I had spent it cheering and screaming at the top of my lungs.

"It's official, Potter," Ryleigh said as we all reluctantly trudged off towards the exit. "You are my new best friend. You are my favorite person I've ever met. Nay! You are my favorite person on the entire planet."

"Oy, I'm the nephew to the guy who got you those tickets," Fred huffed. "Don't I get any credit?"

Ryleigh appeared to be thinking about it before she shook her head. "Nope, none at all."

He sighed. "Well, it's been nice knowing you, Ryles. You should know that James drools in his sleep. And he has almost zero listening skills. And he's a very sloppy snogger."

While I loudly protested and Alice just tried to contain her laughter, Ryleigh tilted her head to the side. "I'm kinda scared to ask how you know that last one."

"Plenty of girls have said I'm better than him," he said dismissively.

Ryleigh's eyebrow shot up. "You think you're going to be named my favorite person on the planet by bragging about other girls you've snogged?"

Fred hesitated and then held up his near-empty beer cup. "You want the rest of my beer?"

She grabbed the cup away from him with a laugh before planting a kiss on his lips. "Don't worry, I'm certain James will find a way to screw up favorite-person-on-the-planet status in no time and you will be right there to fill those shoes again."

Fred grinned triumphantly while I just rolled my eyes. "On that note," I drawled, "To the Thirsty Seeker for the Harpies-Macaws match?"

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

The four of us were met with a swarm of various Quidditch fans the moment we entered the sports bar.

"There are way too many people crammed into this place," Alice mused. "There's no way this is up to fire code standards."

"Only you would be talking about fire codes minutes before a playoff match is about to start," I teased, grabbing her hand and dragging her to the back of the bar where I knew our friends had staked out a table.

When I got there, I realized I was wrong.

They had staked out three tables.

I spotted the three redheads in Rose, Hugo, and Lily first and in scanning the tables, took note of Hadley, Jett, Albus, Reese, CJ, Kye, Dash, and Scorpius all there, too.

"Someone either planted themselves here the moment this place opened at eleven this morning or a bribe was swapped," I said as I dropped into an empty chair opposite Reese. "Because there's no other way you would have been able to score three large tables together."

"Dude, we have three Potters and three Weasleys," Jax drawled. "We could ask them to close down the entire bar for our group and they probably would."

Laughter ripped throughout the table but I merely rolled my eyes. "They might have if we also didn't have a Malfoy and a Greengrass. From what I hear, they're bad news. They even get the wives of famous people attacked."

Clearly, no one was sure whether to laugh or cringe but when Reese broke out into laughter, that seemed to cause a ripple effect throughout the group.

"How was being at the Cannons match?" Jax asked us after a waiter came by and dropped off a few pitchers of beer. "I ask pretending not to be completely and pathetically jealous."

"You chose the wrong family member to date, mate," Fred teased.

Jax's eyebrows shot up. "Are you insinuating I should have chosen you or James to date?"

I bit back a laugh as Fred rolled his eyes, but it was Ryleigh who chimed in. "Probably Fred. Evidently plenty of girls have said he was a better snogger than James has been."

"Oy, can we not go spreading those vicious lies around?" I huffed.

"I really thought we got over that," Fred muttered bashfully, ignoring me, as he grinned at his girlfriend and proceeded to kiss her in front of us all. "Don't worry, Ryles, you are by far the best snogger I've ever had. Not to mention the only one I want to be snogging."

She smiled. "Okay, fine, you're back to being my favorite person on the planet."

Fred pumped his fist into the air. "Victory is mine!"

"And I haven't even done anything yet to screw up," I said with a wistful sigh.

"I'm sure you'll still find a way."

"Does anyone else feel like we missed something because we weren't invited to the Cannons match, or as I like to call it Dad totally trying to buy James' love?" Albus questioned as he glanced around the group.

Stifled laughs rang out and I glared at him. "Hey, if I keep getting Cannons playoff tickets, he can buy my love all he wants."

Albus rolled his eyes and I took that opportunity to turn my attention on to Reese with a grin. "Well, with forty minutes before the match starts, I think it's time to play a game I like to call 'Let's Get Up Close And Personal With Reese Greengrass.'"

"I have a better idea," she said. "No."

"Hey, we got to make sure Al here knows what he's getting into," I teased, offering an acknowledging nod towards my brother.

"Yeah, I'm fine with what I already know," he sighed.

"Nonsense," I dismissed. "So, Reese. Any siblings we don't know about or is the Greengrass family only prone to popping out only children?"

Her eyebrow popped up. "That's what you want to know? If I have any siblings floating around?"

"That's just the first question."

She looked suspicious but answered anyway. "No, no siblings," she said. "But you're wrong about the only children thing. Isla has an eight-year-old sister."

That surprised me. "Seriously? How do none of us know about that?"

"I knew," Albus said.

"Me, too," Rose chimed in.

"I did, too," Scorpius spoke up for the first time. "Then again, she is my cousin."

"Must suck to be you, the only male cousin in that family," I drawled, rolling my eyes. "Then again, it pretty much sucks to be you every day."

"Says the guy whose Dad walked in on him having sex with his girlfriend."

The tables erupted in loud and boisterous laughter while my face turned that of the color of a tomato. Glancing at Alice, hers was even redder.

"After!" I barked. "He walked in _after_."

No one heard me over the sound of their laughter.

I turned to Fred slowly, a deep glare etched into my expression. "Did you tell the whole world or is there still a stampede of hippogriffs somewhere out there that don't know my private business?"

"I only told Rose!" he defended.

I shot him a look.

"And Dash."

My eyebrow peaked upward.

"And Louis and Teddy and Jax and Ryleigh and-"

"Remind me why I offered you suite box playoff tickets today?" I barked at him.

He hesitated before shrugging. "Yeah, I really have no clue why you did that."

I managed to suppress the urge to laugh before returning my attention on to Reese. "So, how long have you been playing Quidditch for, Baby Girl?"

She sighed. "Dammit, I thought we moved off the subject of me for good."

"Nope. Answer the question."

She looked hesitant to answer, most likely because she was expecting me fully to ask inappropriate questions. Just because I hadn't yet didn't mean they were out of the realm of possibility.

"Uncle Draco gave me a broom when I was six," Reese said. "I've been hooked ever since."

I nodded. "Now, I feel like I should know the answer to this next question but I don't. What team do you root for?"

"Slytherin."

The table burst into laughter as I rolled my eyes. " _Professional team_."

She grinned. "Our entire family is Tornadoes fans. The Greengrasses descended from Tutsthill."

That seemed to surprise Fred. "You're a Tornadoes fan?" he repeated.

"Yep. My mother was a big fan of your mother's actually. She was disappointed when she only played for three seasons."

"Yeah, well, you can blame Freddo's conception for that," I said, clapping him on the back.

"Well, that's one way of phrasing it," Rose said in half-disgust.

"I can't believe I never realized you were a Tornadoes fan," Fred said, shaking his head. Hesitating, he glanced towards Scorpius. "Oh, hell, does that mean you are, too?"

He grinned. "Guilty."

He groaned. "I might have to change my allegiance now."

As laughter rippled throughout the table, I turned back to Reese and said, "What's your favorite color?"

She sighed. "You really care what my favorite color is?"

"This isn't about me, this is about making sure Al gets a well-rounded vision of who you are," I teased.

"And asking Reese her favorite color is supposed to give me that?" Al snorted.

"Shh, we're interviewing Reese now. Your turn will be later."

"Oh, good, looking forward to it," he drawled. "Besides, I already know her favorite color. It's green."

Reese smiled at him. "That it is."

"How very Slytherin of you," I said. "Al's is orange in case you're wondering. Not sure why. I personally hate the color but to each their own."

Albus looked at me quizzically as he nursed his beer. "How do you know my favorite color is orange?"

I shot him a look. "Half of your wardrobe is orange. I have to imagine you like the color because most of the time you're surrounded by redheads and you ultimately end up clashing with them."

"He's supposed to coordinate his outfits with our hair when he's in our presence?" Hugo chimed in with a laugh.

I shrugged. "Next question!"

Reese sighed. "This is going to be a really long day."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Three hours later, the score was 120-110 in favor of the Harpies. I didn't have a particular allegiance to either team but my sister was a massive Harpies fan and I had little interest in being around her temper should the Harpies lose so I was rooting for them on her behalf.

"And Monroe gets knocked in the shoulder by a well-placed bludger! _That has got to hurt, folks_."

Louis' voice boomed throughout the bar, commentating alongside longstanding Quidditch announcer, Reid Hartwick, a former Arrows keeper whose save percentage still went uncontested.

"Looks like Macaws are calling for a time-out," Hartwick spoke. "They are getting pummeled by bludgers tonight. The Harpies are in rare form tonight, out for blood. Too many people underestimate the strength and determination of Megara O'Reilly and Francie Danes just because they're women but they know how to do some serious damage."

"A time-out," I said with a grin. "You know what that means."

" _No more questions_ ," Reese groaned, shaking her head.

"Favorite childhood memory," I said.

Reese smirked. "The time I hexed James Potter into a coma."

"You can't just make up a memory," I huffed.

"A galleon says she hexes him by the end of the day" I heard Alice mutter to Fred.

Fred appeared to be considering it. "Alright, you're on."

Reese ignored them and sighed. "Dad took me to my very first Tornadoes match when I was eight. I ate so many hot dogs I couldn't move. And he let me taste my very first beer. Hated it then. Tornadoes won 300 to 90. And then he took me out for ice cream after. How I ate ice cream after all of the hot dogs I consumed, I'll never know."

Considering one of my favorite childhood memories included my very first Quidditch match, I could easily relate.

"Favorite ice cream flavor."

She rolled her eyes. She had been doing that all afternoon. "Cookies and cream."

"Ah, a worthy choice," I said with a nodded. "Do you prefer sweet or savory snacks?"

"This line of questioning is getting borderline ridiculous," Reese drawled.

"Don't avoid the question."

She sighed and shrugged. "I don't know. I guess savory?"

"Aw, just when I was starting to really like you, Baby Girl," I said with an overdramatic sigh.

"Just when you were starting?" Alice chimed in. "You've been friends with the girl for five years."

"Shh, we're focusing on Reese and Al, not me and Reese," I said with a teasing grin.

"This hasn't had anything to do with me," Albus said, shaking his head.

"I am helping you out, bro," I fired back.

"When have you ever done anything to help me out?"

"Hey, we've got to start somewhere, right?" I said, playfully grinning at him. I glanced back towards Reese, searching for another question to ask. "What do your parents do for a living?"

Another sigh and another eye roll. "My mother runs an elementary school program for young witches and wizards whose parents aren't able to homeschool them."

"Impressive," I said with a nod. "And your dad? What does he do?"

An odd sort of silence filled the table as Reese frowned. I noticed Albus and Scorpius exchange an uneasy look between the two of them and it made me wonder what was so terrible about my question. "Er…what is it?" I asked.

"My father died," Reese said with a curt shrug. "About three weeks after that Tornadoes match I mentioned."

Well, shit.

"I-I didn't know," I stammered. "I'm sorry."

She shook her head. "It's fine. Don't worry about it."

I so desperately wanted to know how he died but sneaking a peek towards Albus, I saw him shake his head with a sort of pleading in his eye I wasn't used to so I just frowned and turned back to Reese to say, "Uh, your favorite food?"

She looked grateful for the subject change. "Mac and cheese."

"Oh, I could totally go for some mac and cheese right now," I said with a grin. Glancing towards my siblings, I said, "Remember when Dad tried to make mac and cheese casserole when we were kids? He didn't go through domestic stages often but he was determined to make dinner when Mum was gone once."

"I remember that," Albus chimed in with a nod. "He was making it Muggle-style, mixing everything by hand. He was so proud of it."

"And then he put it in the oven and waited the allotted thirty minutes," I continued.

"And when he pulled it out, he realized he never turned on the oven," Albus laughed, which then had the entire table laughing.

"The man apprehends criminals with just a flick of the wand but can't remember to turn on an oven," I said, shaking my head

"So you had to wait an extra thirty minutes for dinner?" Jax teased. "How ever did you survive?"

"Oh, no, there's much more to this story," I laughed. "He then turned on the oven, went in the other room as the casserole baked, and got so caught up in a close Wasps-Cannons match than he completely burned the mac and cheese. "

Albus finished with, "We ended up crashing Aunt Hermione and Uncle Ron's dinner that night."

Laughter exploded as Louis' voice announced that the teams were back up in the air with Culder's left arm wrapped tightly in non-swelling bandages.

As talk of my family and of Reese died down, I felt Alice reach for my hand and squeeze it. I looked over at her to see a smile on her face. I had a feeling she was pleased to see me and Albus getting alone.

Later, I was coming back from the loo with the match tied at 150-150 when I ran into Albus. I offered him a curt nod and tried to step past him, but he stopped me. "You want to know about Reese's Dad?"

I halted and met the sadness in his eyes. "How did I never know her dad died?"

"She doesn't talk about it much," he said with a shrug. Hesitating, he corrected, "Actually, she doesn't talk about it at all."

"Why? What happened?"

Albus leaned up against the wall with a sigh. "As I'm sure you're aware, the Greengrasses were huge supporters of Voldemort during the Second Wizarding War. They weren't Death Eaters but they were there singing his praises to anyone who would listen. There are still people out there who are looking to start a revolution. They not only wanted Reese's father to be a part of it but he worked at the _Prophet_ so they wanted him to publicize all kinds of propaganda in the paper. He refused. And was killed because of it."

I gaped at him. "How…" I trailed off, shaking my head. "How the hell did I never know this?"

"It's not something anyone likes to advertise," he explained.

I considered this before shaking my head. "Why though? Seems to me it proves that the Greengrasses aren't all that bad at all."

"Except that the very same day he died, an article appeared in the paper that alluded to the restoration of pureblood supremacy and Wendell Greengrass' name was on the byline."

I stared at him, horrified. "Wow," I murmured, "So not only did they kill the guy but they took his family down with him."

He nodded.

I ran a finger through my hair. "That's despicable."

"Yeah, it is."

No wonder Reese was so nervous about the very idea of her family name being dragged through the mud if she dated Albus. They supposedly stood for everything that Albus' family didn't. I was surprised that it was only Hogwarts who had found a way to blame Reese for my mother's attack. Seems to me that the _Prophet_ would have eaten up a story like that.

Thank Merlin they didn't.

"You really like her, don't you?" I eventually said.

He looked at me in slight surprise before nodding. "I dated Kat because she was the girl everyone expected me to be with," he spoke softly. "I'm dating Reese because she's the girl _I_ want to be with."

I smiled down at my brother, unexpectelyd proud of the guy he had suddenly become. "She's lucky to have you."

And with that, I took off towards our table, leaving Albus standing there with his mouth hanging open.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"So Albus told you, hm?"

I glanced over my shoulder as Reese came up behind me at the bar. "Uh, yeah, he did," I murmured with a hesitant cough. "Why didn't you ever mention it?"

She said nothing at first, finding an interest in some condensation on the bartop. "Everyone always acts like they know exactly who my father was, some bigoted pureblood who believes Voldemort should have won the war," she spoke softly. "But that was never him. And I prefer my real memories to everyone's fake ones."

There was so much distress in her voice that made me hate all of those out there who only ever seemed to judge her in name only.

I knew all too well what that felt like.

"I get that," I murmured hesitantly. "And I get why that made you hesitant to date Al."

She looked at me skeptically out of the corner of her eye. "Oh?"

I flagged down the barmaid and ordered another pitcher of beer. She took off and I glanced down at the Slytherin beside me. "It's a lot easier pretending you're fine with the way things didn't turn out when you don't have the rest of the world judging you for the way they did."

I could see the surprise practically bouncing off her expression as I collected the pitcher of beer and tossed a few sickles on to the bar.

"But the thing is, Baby Girl," I said, pulling away from the bar and letting the next patron take my spot, "Albus never judged you. And he never will no matter what anyone says about you. He cares about you, more than I've ever seen him care about anyone, so don't question it. Just let yourself be with him."

Her mouth parted in quiet shock as she dissected my rather unexpected words. Tilting her head to the side with a curious smirk, she said, "That must have been one hell of a conversation you had with Albus in the hospital."

Talk about unexpected.

Letting out a sheepish chuckle, I said, "Ah, so he told you about that, did he?"

She grinned. "I knew you cared about him."

I didn't argue. "Yeah, yeah, but you know what I really care about?" I said with my own grin. Holding up the pitcher, I teased, "Beer."

She laughed and we took off into the crowd.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Cannons won their series in three and Harpies only did it in two.

In the words of Lily, "This might actually tear our family apart. With Al, Dad, and James rooting for the Cannons and Mum and me rooting for the Harpies, there's a good chance some of us don't make it out of the finals alive.

Dad seemed to agree for when we all traipsed home on Wednesday night after the big Cannons win, he greeted us at the door by saying, "Your Harpies are so going down, Lily."

"Your Cannons suck!" Lily fired back.

Not her best insult but to be fair we had quite a few drinks in us.

I slept until ten o'clock the next day and only climbed out of bed when I felt a desperate need for nourishment. When I wandered into the kitchen, I was surprised to see Dad sitting at the kitchen island reading the _Prophet_.

"Shouldn't you be at work right about now?" I questioned.

He looked up from the paper with a shrug. "Well, as someone once told me, I'm the Head of the Auror Department. I can afford to play hooky every now and then."

I was unconvinced. "Am I in trouble?"

His eyebrow popped up. "Did you do something that you should be in trouble for?"

I thought back on the past few days. "I kicked over a waste basket out of excitement at the bar last night but I cleaned it up in a matter of seconds with a swish of my wand so I can't imagine the Thirsty Seeker is looking to press any charges," I spoke curiously.

My dad suppressed the urge to laugh as he folded the paper and placed it on the kitchen island in front of him. "I wanted to talk to you about something."

Uh-oh.

"Am I about to get an I-buttered-you-up-with-Cannons-playoffs-tickets-right-before-slamming-you-with-horrible-news speech?"

That time, he did laugh. "No, though speaking of the Cannons," he said as the moment turned unexpectedly serious.

"What about them?" I asked in dread. "Oh, no, please don't tell me they're retiring the team from the league. My heart couldn't take it. I'm too young to deal with that kind of disappointment. I need something to believe in!"

"Dramatic much?"

"Uh, hi, have you met me?" I teased as I dropped into the empty chair beside Dad. "Okay, back to serious moment. What about the Cannons?"

"It's more about the league in general," he said with a hesitant shrug, his eyes meeting mine. He said nothing at first, the tense silence dragging on and I was just about to beg him to get on with it when he finally spoke. "The last thing you said to me after your birthday was that you were essentially planning to pack your life up, hit the road, and never turn back."

And we've official hit the awkward portion of the morning.

"More like hit the skies," I muttered, "But you got the general gist."

I felt my father's eyes on me and I turned towards him cautiously. "Is that still your plan?" he asked softly. "Asking for a friend," he said with a light smile as if he was attempting to lighten the mood.

My eyebrow popped up. "A friend? Perhaps an older gentleman with green eyes, glasses, a lightning bolt scar above his eyebrow, Head of the Auror Department, savior of the wizarding world?"

He hesitated before shaking his head. "More like the person married to that gentleman," he corrected. "And before you ask, no, she doesn't know I'm talking to you about this."

I guess we've established why my father felt compelled to have this conversation midday instead of at night for he was clearly trying to go for discreet.

"Ah" was all I managed to say.

He looked put off by that answer. "That's all you have to say?"

I shook my head in mere bewilderment. "I don't really know the best way to answer to your question, Dad," I muttered. "Because while I had initially said that in the heat of the moment, I've also spent a lot of time thinking about it since. At the time I said it, I wanted to leave for all the wrong reasons. But over time, all the right reasons came to me."

I saw the disappointment in his stare as he asked his next question. "Like what?"

I struggled to find the right words so as not to make my father feel guilty or hurt for things that were, and still are, beyond his control. "Like maybe this is my chance to make something of myself, to find out who I can be other than…" I trailed off awkwardly.

Realization settled into my father's gaze. "Other than Harry Potter's son?" he spoke slowly and deliberately.

Evidently I hadn't done such a good job at easing his guilt for I saw it in every inch of his expression. "Yeah," I whispered softly.

I knew that when I had first made the suggestion to my father, it was my way of running away from him and the world I grew up in and an easy way to run from my problems. That was my sole motivation initially, but over the past month, and especially over the past few days, it stopped being about Dad and the past and started being about the only thing that should have ever mattered: me. I spent so much of my life trying to make other people proud but it was never about them, or at least it shouldn't have been. It was about time for me to find a way to just be proud of myself.

"Dad, I don't mean for any of this to sound like I'm blaming you because I'm not," I spoke desperately, "But despite our issues with each other turning out to be wildly inaccurate, my issues with the press and the rest of the world will never not be there. I grew up with them breathing down my neck. I was the first-born Potter and was supposed to turn out just like you. And the raw truth of it is, who they saw me turn out to be was so wildly different than what they expected and they judged me for it every minute of every day. And I know I was the one who caused that, not them. I played up my bad boy reputation, rebelled for the sake of rebelling, turned myself into the exact opposite of what they expected but at some point along the way, I stopped being me. I was trying so desperately not to turn out like you that I lost sight of who I was and who I was meant to be, too focused on the rest of the world to ever focus on myself."

My father was looking at me in a way I had never seen before, a mixture of awe and understanding and even pride resting in his eyes. "I get that," he spoke softly. "Oh, Merlin, do I get that. When I was your age, I spent so much time trying to give the people around me, hell the entire wizarding world, a reason to be proud. So much that I, too, lost sight of who I was or who I could be because I was too busy trying to be the person I thought everyone else needed and wanted me to be."

It amazed me that I could spend so much time trying not to turn out like my father and yet turn out like him in almost every single way.

"What changed?" I asked softly.

He hesitated before shaking his head. "I don't know if anything really has," he admitted in a soft voice. "I think a part of me will always feel the need to please others. But your mother once told me, right when we first started dating, that the world would always be out there judging us and our every move. That's the price we get for saving the world I suppose. But it's the people who don't judge us at all, even for the mistakes we might make, that are the only people that matter. Those are the people who will change us for the better."

Those words hit me more than they probably should have as thoughts of Alice suddenly swirled around in my mind. It occurred to me then that leaving this country behind meant leaving her behind, too. And that was the last thing I wanted. Because Dad was right. She was the only person in the world who knew the real me and still somehow wanted to be with me, flaws and mistakes and all.

Maybe leaving wasn't the answer after all.

"I hope you know, James, that you never have to act a certain way with me," Dad spoke softly when I said nothing. "Maybe you once thought you did but I will love you no matter who you are or who you become. Please don't ever think otherwise."

I met the sincerity in his gaze and nodded solemnly.

Maybe leaving him behind wasn't what I wanted either.

"And if you feel the need to get away, to travel the world in an attempt to find yourself, to distance yourself from a world who's spent your entire life breathing down your neck, to find your true identity, then don't let anyone or anything stop you. You deserve to be the you that you want to be and not the you everyone else wants you to be," he added. "But just know that we'll all be here if and when you want to come back."

Days earlier I would have assumed he was saying that to get rid of me, practically begging me to just go.

Now, I could sense that all he was trying to do was love me. Even if that meant saying goodbye.

"I don't know who I want to be," I murmured, "But I know what I want to do. And that's play Quidditch with whatever team will have me."

He let out a light chuckle and suddenly the graveness in our conversation faded. "Oh, James," he said, shaking his head from side to side, "Don't you know that they're all going to want you?"

I smiled at the unexpected comment and went with my own light chuckle. "One look at my genitalia and I doubt the Harpies will feel that way."

Dad tilted his head back and laughed. "Then you'll have twenty-nine other teams to choose from."

It felt nice to hear Dad say that, to know that he wasn't against me playing Quidditch like I had always believed, but it somehow made me more nervous at the prospect of my future. A future that was still up in the air for Gryffindor had to make it that final if I had any shot of making it to any starting roster.

"I don't know where I'll end up, or even if I'll end up on a team at all," I spoke hesitantly, "But I can promise you that if I do end up moving out of the country for whatever reason, it won't be because of you."

Gratitude filled my father's eyes and while I had a feeling this wasn't exactly the outcome of the conversation he had been hoping, he also didn't completely hate where it ended up either.

"Now," I said with a grin, "How about you practice your domestic skills and make your Quidditch-obsessed son an omelet?"

"How about you practice your domestic skills and make it yourself," he fired back with a laugh.

I shrugged. "Well, alright, but when I burn down the kitchen and Mum wants to know why, I _will_ tell her it's all your fault."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"Yames!"

I picked Dora up off the couch and twirled her around. "Well, doesn't someone look cute in their pink footie pajamas," I said, blowing a raspberry on the three-year-old's cheek.

"Where's Alice?" Teddy said. "I thought she was coming with you."

"She's finishing up work. She'll be joining me soon enough."

He nodded, a curious frown seeping into his jawline. "There's a rumor going around about you."

Distracted, I said, "What now?" while continuing to make faces at the giggling toddler.

"That you're seriously considering moving out of the country to pursue your Quidditch-playing dreams."

I shot a look over Dora's head at my godbrother. "Okay, you need to stop talking to my dad about me."

He shrugged dismissively. "So it's true?"

"It's not not true," I argued with a shrug. "I'm just no longer limiting myself to the English teams. I spent this morning researching offensive coaches and recruiters for all of the Quidditch teams, focusing on those with winning records and some of those just so happen to be outside the UK. Once I know the fate of the Ravenclaw-Slytherin match, I'm going to write to them. See if I can spark some interest and hopefully get a few of them at the finals. And if one of those teams happen to be overseas, so be it."

Teddy grew quiet. He said nothing as he absorbed the information patiently. "Oh" was what he eventually said when he felt compelled to speak. "Okay."

"'Okay?'" I said hesitantly. "That's it?"

He frowned. "I-I'm just caught off-guard a bit. I guess I'm processing."

"Process faster."

He shot me a look. "I just always thought you wanted to play for the Cannons."

"They're not completely off the table."

He still looked hesitant, almost concerned. "I just thought…" he trailed off.

"Yes?" I asked impatiently.

He met my gaze. "I feel like you're finally in a good place, or at least getting there, with your Dad and your brother and your mother, and now you're looking to get away from it all?"

I shook my head at him. "I'm not looking to get away from them," I argued, "I'm looking to get away from everything else. Because maybe I just want to make a name for myself that isn't solely associated with my surname."

"Or maybe you're just too scared to stay."

My eyes narrowed. "What is that supposed to mean?"

His lips pursed and I wondered if we were about to get into another one of our petty fights. "I think you're afraid of screwing things up again. Or you're afraid your father will. Or your brother or your mother. I think you feel that the only way to hold on to the way things are now is getting away while things are still good before they can go bad. I think that loving your father has never been easy but that loving him from afar could be. I think you're afraid of embracing the Potter in you because you feel guilty over spending so much time rejecting it."

I wanted to hate him for his accusations. Only I couldn't because I realized that with everything word he spoke, he was right.

I felt like I was suddenly walking on eggshells around everyone, trying to be the perfect son and brother that they deserved after so many years of being exactly the opposite. And I was scared of screwing that up again. I was scared of giving my father a reason to be disappointed me, scared of finding a way to resent my brother again, scared of being happy when for so long I wasn't.

"I never actually said I was leaving," I drawled. "I simply said it was a possibility."

Teddy looked at me, a slow chuckle falling from his lips. "Yeah, because wanting to stay in the country might actually mean living your dream and once you get everything you've ever wanted, then what will you have?" he said, that chuckle still on the edge of his lips. "You're actually afraid of making your dreams come true, aren't you?"

"How about you stop telling me what I'm so afraid of," I warned.

"You've wanted to play for the Cannons since the very first Quidditch match you ever went to," he said, ignoring me. "You've wanted to wear that jersey and play in that stadium and be coached by their legends and play for the team that you grew up idolizing and now you suddenly don't want that?"

"Everyone knows that's the team I want to play for. And if I get that, do you know what everyone will say? Oh, he only got it _because he's a Potter_ ," I snapped at him. "They'll never say that if I move to Australia or South America or Canada. I'm always going to be a Potter but sometimes, I just want to be James."

He met my gaze and I saw a flicker of understanding staring back at me. "I just don't want you to run away just for the sake of running away," he spoke softly.

I hesitated before shaking my head. "I'm not running away at all," I urged. "That day at the Hog's Head, after my team lost to Slytherin, you told me that I was the one who should define who I get to be and not the rest of the world and that it was up to me to figure out how to do that. Well, maybe this is my way of figuring it out."

Realization settled into his expression. "Well, I wouldn't have said that if I had known your answer meant leaving," he pouted.

Dora was tugging on my hair again but I barely took notice as I locked eyes with my godbrother and smiled in understanding. "I'm going to miss you, too, T-bear."

He smiled and offered me a nod but before he could say another word, we were interrupted by Victoire making her appearance. "Okay, okay, I'm ready!" she said, making her way into the foyer with a sheepish grin. "I know we are so late and I'm sorry but you try to fit into your clothes while you're carrying a bloody hippo in your uterus."

Teddy leaned over to kiss her on the cheek. "You look beautiful, V."

She made a face. "You have to say that. You're my husband."

He sighed. "James, tell your cousin she looks beautiful."

"Yeah, I'm not going to do that," I drawled. Hesitating, I said, "Not because she doesn't but because I'm her cousin and that's weird."

Teddy shot me a look but Victoire only laughed. "Let's go, T," she said, linking her arm into his. "Hopefully they haven't given away our table yet."

"Doubtful considering I made the reservation for 7:30."

Victoire did a double-take and then scoffed. "You told me seven!"

"Hm, did I? I must have been mistaken," he teased.

"Oh, that is it. You are so not getting birthday sex later," she muttered, but she was laughing as she headed towards the door.

"Speaking of sex," Teddy said, shooting me a look. "You and Alice better not be planning to defile any part of this house tonight."

I rolled my eyes. "Leave us be, Birthday Boy."

He chuckled, kissed Dora on the forehead, and then dashed out the door after Victoire.

"Now," I said, making faces at Dora, "Where do you think your daddy hides his liquor?"

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

After a bath in which most of the water wound up on the bathroom floor, Dora was sleeping peacefully in her room while Alice and I lay comfortably on the living room couch. The radio was on, filling the room with soft music, but Alice and I barely took notice of it as we both tried not drifting off to sleep. Dora was adorable but she was certainly a handful and both Alice and I were quite happy when she finally shut her eyes.

And old Celestina Warbeck song crooned as my thoughts churned with my very hazy future. I had spent so many years desperate to be a Cannon and then in one heartbreaking conversation with my father, the possibility of going overseas came up and that somehow seemed to turn my Cannons dream into a mere memory. But as I glanced down at the beautiful girl in my arms, the only dream I saw was her. She was the best reason, if not the only reason, to stay in England. But would staying for her be just as wrong as leaving because of my family was? I had been adamant about trying to make a name for myself, about trying to be James without the Potter, and I could do that overseas, or at least do it better than I could in the UK. But I'd be leaving Alice behind and how could I figure out how to be the best version of me without her when I had only ever been the best version of myself with her?

" _James_."

I blinked and glanced down at her. "Sorry, what?"

"Oh, how I love it when my boyfriend ignores me," she chuckled.

"Sorry," I said again. "I'm just distracted."

"By anything in particular?"

I was going to say no, mostly because I didn't know what direction the conversation might go, but I blurted out instead, "What's going to happen to us after we graduate?"

She stiffened, her mouth parting in surprise, before she slowly sat up and faced me. "What do you mean?"

"I think you know what I mean, Ace."

She frowned and scooted to the opposite end of the couch, pulling her knees into her body and hugging them close. "What do you want to happen?"

I sat up, too, my eyes never leaving hers. "This" was all I said.

Her eyebrow shot up. "I don't know if your godbrother and your cousin would want us to crash on their couch for the rest of our lives."

I sent her a look as a giggle escaped her lips. "Not what I meant."

Her smile slowly faded. "I know," she murmured.

Silence overtook us as our eyes shared in a battle of concern. I eventually spoke. "I've been so focused on thinking about my future that I didn't think about our future," I admitted.

She looked at me and slowly shook her head. "You shouldn't think about ours," she said.

Those words stung. "Oh."

"No," she pleaded, shaking her head again, "I don't mean it like that. I just mean that you shouldn't base your decisions on us. You and I, we'll make it work. We'll figure it out. But where we end up shouldn't be based on each other. I know that there is a strong part of you that feels the need to leave, to find a world that can accept you for you and not your reputation. And I feel like I need to remain here, to stay close to my family and the only world I've wanted to know. So that's what we're both going to do."

My heart suddenly felt very heavy at the realization that wherever we end up, it might not be together. And even though I was ready to leave England, I wasn't ready to leave her. "I don't know who I am without you, Ace," I admitted.

Her eyes met mine and she slowly crawled back over to me. She fell into my side and I wrapped my arm protectively around her, drawing her tightly to my body. "Maybe that's even more of a reason for you to go," she whispered.

I froze, slowly meeting her desperate gaze. "What?"

I saw the sadness in her eyes and I heard the regret in her tone as she spoke. "You said you were looking to find out who you can be without worrying about what others want you to be," she said, brushing a hair from my face. "Well, I already know who you can be, Jay. It's your turn to find it out for yourself."

She sounded both heartfelt and desperate at the same time. "And what if I find out I don't need anything but you?"

She met my gaze with a lopsided smile. "I've had you for eighteen years, Jay. It's the world's turn to see the real you."

If I didn't know any better, I'd think that those words sounded an awful lot like a good-bye.

"I don't owe the world anything," I argued.

She smiled sadly. "You don't owe me anything either."

"That's where you're wrong," I whispered, pressing my lips to her temple. "I owe you everything."

She turned her head to look at me before slowly shaking her head. "I meant what I said before," she spoke, placing her chin on my shoulder tenderly, her eyes not leaving mine, "It doesn't matter where we end up, Jay, because you and I will make it work. We've never met a challenge that we couldn't overcome."

I knew she was saying what we both needed to hear, but the words still somehow made my heart ache in ways I didn't know was possible. Saying good-bye to my family and friends, while complicated, was achievable. Saying good-bye to Alice felt impossible.

Two months. That was how long Alice and I had been dating. But it felt like a lifetime. It _was_ a lifetime. I have known her since the very day she was born and the idea that she wouldn't be standing by my side in the future like she had always been was scary and heartbreaking all at once.

But I hoped that she was right, that we could make any amount of distance work. Because if the alternative was not being together at all, the choice seemed like an easy one to make.

"Okay," I murmured, pressing a kiss to her cheek and then her jaw and underneath her ear. "We'll make it work."

Maybe one day I'd even believe it.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"Are you seriously digging through the fridge right now? We had dinner an hour ago!"

I pulled my head out of the refrigerator with a sheepish grin as Lily wandered into the kitchen. "I'm a growing boy. We need our nutrients."

She looked at the covered cherry pie in my hands. "He says while pulling out a dessert."

"A _cherry_ dessert," I corrected. "Fruit is a source of many important nutrients, like vitamins and potassium and-"

"I think those nutrients vanish once you mix them with butter and sugar and cream."

Yeah, I couldn't exactly argue with her there.

Thankfully, I didn't have to.

"So what if cherry pie isn't rich with nutrients?" a new voice chimed in belong to that of my brother as he strolled into the kitchen. "It's rich with deliciousness and that's all I care about. Cut me a slice, bro."

I grinned and obliged, tossing a piece on to a plate and pushing it towards him on the kitchen island.

"I'm trying to remember the last time you two agreed on something," Lily muttered, glancing between the both of us. "It's…weird."

I dug my fork into my own piece of pie. "Did you hear that, Al?" I said in between bites. "Apparently we're weird."

"Sorry, I'm too busy falling in love with pie to care at the moment," he said with a goofy grin on his face as he stared at his pie in a dreamy way.

"Does Reese know how easy it is for you to fall in love?" Lily deadpanned.

Albus looked away from his piece of pie to glare at our sister. "Does CJ know how easy it would be for me to hex him in the hallway?"

Lily scowled but I was the one who responded. "Oh, _nice_ , now I don't have to be the only one to hate on the kid for dating our baby sister."

Lily's face turned red, clearly out of irritation. "Okay, one, _I am not a fucking baby_ ," she snapped. "Two, if I had known that the two of you coming to a truce would mean that you'd both suddenly gang up on me, I never would have wished for it to happen. And three, you're both assholes."

I considered her words. "Wow, that sounded like you cared about us at the same time that it sounded like you don't," I mused.

"Impressive, right?" Albus chuckled.

She was clearly hoping for more of a response than that but before she could say another word, I banished my now-empty plate to the sink and headed towards the exit. "Well, as much fun as this conversation has been, I've got places to be."

I didn't get very far for Mum was entering the kitchen as I was trying to exit. "Oh, now, come on," she pouted, "It's your last day before you head off to school again. I thought we'd spend tonight as a family."

My eyebrow popped upward. "Oh? And where exactly is Dad?"

He hesitated. "With your Uncle Ron."

I chuckled. "So much for that," I teased. "Besides, I will be spending it with family. Louis, Fred, and I are taking Teddy out for a birthday celebration."

My mother gave me a look. "So basically you're planning to hit up a bar, drink all of the alcohol in sight, and use Teddy's birthday as an excuse to do so even though you've never needed an excuse to go out before?"

I grinned. "You so get me, Mum," I said with overdramatic appreciation, clapping her on the shoulder before squeezing past her and heading up to my room to grab my wallet.

When I returned, the three of them were still in the kitchen and both Lily and Mum had their own pieces of cherry pie.

"So much for nutrients," I teased my sister.

"Screw nutrients. Al was right. This pie is fuck—er, freaking delicious," she said sheepishly, shooting a grin towards my mother who looked torn between looking amused and looking uneasy.

I shifted gears. "You doing anything tonight, Al?"

He looked up at me, confused. "Er…I have to finish packing."

I shot him a look. "So no, you're not doing anything tonight."

"Why are you asking?"

I rolled my eyes. "Why do you think?"

"I'm assuming it's so you can mock me for being an unpopular loner who has zero social plans on a Saturday night but you're going out with members of your family so don't pretend you're all that popular yourself."

Lily burst into laughter and even my mother appeared to find it hard keeping a straight face but I just rolled my eyes. "Well, I was going to invite you to join me and the guys tonight but now I'm reconsidering."

He wasn't the only one who looked surprised at that. "You're actually inviting him out with you?" spoke Lily with a heavy amount of incredulity in her tone.

"No, I believe I said I was reconsidering."

Albus was frowning at me. "Why?"

"Because you called me unpopular, that's why," I huffed.

He shot me a look. "No, not why are you reconsidering. Why are inviting me to join you?"

Ah.

"Well, it's our family's version of Boys Night Out," I drawled. "And last I checked, you were a boy in this family. But I'm running late so make a decision soon or I'll make it for you."

He still looked surprised but now he also looked flattered. "Let me go grab my wallet."

Hopping off the barstool, he dashed out of the kitchen, leaving me to deal with the interrogation squad.

"That was uncharacteristically nice of you," Mum said with a teasing grin. "I'm liking this whole you-and-Al-getting-along thing."

"I'm not," Lily grumbled and I had a feeling she was still thinking about what Al and I had said about CJ. "I have no plans tonight. Why can't I go out and celebrate Teddy's birthday with you?"

"Because what makes Al eligible for tonight makes you ineligible seeing as it's _Boys_ Night Out."

"I feel like that's sexist," she huffed.

"I feel like it's necessary," I smirked. "Love you, kiddo, but sometimes the men just have to go out and be men."

"And how are you going to do that when all I see is a _boy_ in front of me?"

I rolled my eyes. "You insult me and yet you wonder why you can't join us tonight."

"That wasn't an insult, that was a fact."

I glared at her and then called out the kitchen, "Al, if you don't get down here in the next thirty seconds, I'm leaving without you!"

"I'm here, I'm here!" he said breathlessly a few seconds late with a sheepish grin. "Shall we?"

"Don't go too crazy tonight," Mum groaned as we headed for the door. "Remember that you're heading back to Hogwarts tomorrow."

I smirked and muttered under my breath so that only Albus could hear, "Yeah, which means we have an entire train ride to sleep off a hangover."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

When Albus and I strolled up to the roundtop table where the other guys already sat, I had been fully prepared for the looks of shock on their faces.

"Hope it's okay that I invited Al," I said, sliding on to an empty barstool next to Fred.

My cousins, and Teddy, at first said nothing, their eyes darting back and forth between me and my brother, before Louis leaned over to Teddy and said, "Maybe he's someone on Polyjuice potion. Quick, ask him a question only James would know."

I rolled my eyes as Teddy narrowed his eyes at me and said, "Where did you and I meet up after you lost your last Quidditch match?"

I shot him a look. "I bet you one drink that anyone at this table could easily guess that answer."

Louis, Fred, and Albus all exchanged a quick look before saying in unison, "Hog's Head?"

"Looks like someone owes me a drink," I smirked at Teddy, who swore and said, "Alright, fine, what do you want?"

Albus and I both just ordered a beer and Teddy took off towards the bar, leaving Louis and Fred behind to interrogate me. "So you two are…what? Friendly now?" Louis questioned.

"Have you tried being actual friends with this guy? It ain't easy," Albus said, shaking his head.

"Oy, _him_ I've actually been friends with all these years," I huffed.

"Only because you're related to him. I bet if you weren't, he would have ditched you years ago."

Fred, who had been trying to contain his laughter, stopped trying. "James _is_ a handful," he said in between his chuckles.

I sighed. "Maybe inviting Al here was a terrible idea," I muttered to no one in particular.

"You think we should extend an invite to Hugo?" Louis mused curiously. "He's the only male in the family not here."

"Not true," Fred smirked. "Our dads aren't here either."

Louis shot him a look. "You really want our dads here?"

Fred opened his mouth to respond but Louis quickly cut him off. "Oh, fuck, forgot who I was talking to. We all know Uncle George is just a big kid at heart who could easily drink us under the table."

"Yes," Fred chuckled, "And he'd greatly enjoy doing so."

Louis nodded knowingly before holding up his glass. "Well, this may be the third drink in me talking, but I say we raise a toast to one hell of an awesome family."

"We don't have our drinks yet," Albus pointed out.

"Yeah, and what the hell is so awesome about our family besides the fact that I'm in it?" I teased.

Seconds later, I was covered in a near-empty glass of backwashed beer.

"The fact that when I do that, I know you'll forgive me because that's what family does," Louis smirked as he sat back on his stool with a triumphant grin.

I reached for Fred's water glass and tossed it in Louis' face. "Okay, fine, you're forgiven," I laughed.

Louis sputtered and wiped his eyes. "I really should have seen that one coming."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

 **A/N:** Sorry for those who were looking for more Alice-James smut as this chapter seemed to be more devoted to James' family. But don't you worry, there is plenty of smut coming up!

Next up: back to school!


	37. Work This Body

**A/N:** And we're back with yet another installment of the Alice-James lovefest...oh yeah, plus all the other equally adorable characters. If you were hoping for a long chapter, you're in luck. This is one of my longest yet. You get some smut mixed with some Quidditch mixed with some fun. Could life be any better than this?

* * *

 **A WAY WITH WORDS**

Chapter 37: Work This Body

By: ByeByeBirdie

" _And I will work this body, I will burn this flame  
Oh, in the dead of night, and in the pouring rain  
Yeah, I'm a workaholic and I swear, I swear  
Yeah, one day I will beat you fair and square  
Show me what you got  
Work this body on the floor  
Who do you think you are?  
C'mon, meet me on the court."  
_-Walk the Moon

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

We were back at Platform 9 ¾ the very next morning. Lily and Albus were saying their goodbyes to Dad while I could feel Mum's eyes on me. But I was too busy staring at the front of the train, feelings strangely nostalgic at the thought that this would be the last time I'd be taking this trek to Hogwarts. As Easter Break drew to a close, I realized how little time I had left to be a teenager before I would be thrust into adulthood. I was ready for the Real World but that didn't mean I was ready to let go of my childhood.

More importantly, I wasn't ready to let go of Alice.

"James," Mum finally spoke.

I turned around to face her.

"Don't be in such a hurry to grow up and move away from this world that you don't remember to enjoy these last two months of school," she spoke softly.

There was a regret in her eyes that told me Dad had had a conversation with her about my very ambiguous future.

I just hoped she understood.

With a lopsided smile, I said, "Now when have I ever been in a hurry to grow up?"

She forced out a chuckle and reached over to embrace me. I embraced her back, feeling a kind of safe love that I hadn't felt in so long.

When I pulled back, I turned towards Dad who was not doing a very subtle job of eavesdropping. "Was there something you wanted to add to that, Dad?" I said with a smirk.

He grinned sheepishly. "Nope, she pretty much said what I was thinking," he chuckled, reaching over to embrace me. "Keep in touch, James, okay?"

"As long as you do the same with me."

He nodded eagerly. "You've got it," he said. "Now go on. Wouldn't want you to miss the train."

I smiled and started to take off.

"And for Merlin's sake, try to stay out of trouble!" Mum called out.

I turned around with a laugh and a small shake of the head. "Oh, Mum," I chuckled. "You know I won't."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Unlike on the ride back to King's Cross, we were all very much awake and hyped up. Probably because Fred had an entire bagful of chocolate and Dash passed around a bottle of firewhisky he found at the bottom of his bag so we were very much on a sugar and alcohol high.

"Oh, c'mon, truth or dare!" Fred snickered at Alice.

"If I pick truth, you're going to want to hear all the details regarding the Harry-walking-in-on-us incident," she drawled. "And if I pick dare, I somehow think I'll be streaking through the hallway. So _pick a new game_."

He pouted but perked up a few seconds later. "Strip poker!"

Alice sighed and smacked me in the chest with the back of her hand. "Talk to your perverted cousin for me, please."

"Why? I'm definitely not against strip poker," I smirked, which very much earned me a slap to the back of my head. I grinned and leaned over to kiss her. She tried to push me away but ended up giving in with a laugh.

"Speaking of stripping," Dash said with a curious look towards the two of us.

" _We're not giving you any details_ ," Alice barked at him.

He grinned sheepishly and I decided it would be a really good time to change the subject. "Did you see they released the Quidditch finals schedule in the paper this morning?"

Fred made a face. "Yeah, but did they really have to have the first game of the series on the very same day as the Slytherin-Ravenclaw match?"

"It starts next Saturday?" Ryleigh questioned.

I nodded. "Oh, yes. It will be an incredibly fun-filled day of Quidditch."

"Or a totally sucky day of Quidditch if neither game goes the way you want," Fred drawled.

I shot him a look. "I'm supposed to be the pessimistic one out of the two of us. Don't take my role away from me."

"Well then start acting pessimistic," he whined.

I shrugged. "I could but I've recently decided to try a more positive approach on life."

That seemed to surprise everyone. "Okay, I only have one question," Kye spoke up, her eyes narrowing. "Who the hell are you and what have you done with Potter?"

I rolled my eyes. Her comment wasn't unjustified but after a week at home building new relationships with my family, the cynical side of me that used to dictate my every choice faded into an unexpected contentment that I was wholeheartedly embracing. Life was too short to hate on it all the time. I spent the past six years resenting so much around me. It was time to start enjoying my life instead of just surviving it.

"I've spent enough days in my lifetime fretting over Quidditch matches and all it's gotten me is a forehead full of worry lines," I said with a shrug.

"Ah, good, so you've noticed those, too," Fred commented.

I ignored him. "Is there a chance that both Ravenclaw and Slytherin scrape up enough points to knock us out of the finals? Yes. Is there a chance that the Harpies beat the Cannons? Yes. But the truth is, the odds are in my favor. So I am choosing to believe that the Quidditch Gods have my back."

They all still looked unconvinced as Dash spoke up. "You don't actually believe there are Quidditch Gods, right?" he questioned. "Because that's borderline obsessive."

I reached out to kick him in the shin. He pulled away just in time with a sheepish chuckle. "I may not necessarily believe in an actual God but I do believe there is a higher power out there. His name is Chuckles the Quidditch God and he's gotten me through a lot of tough Quidditch times."

Concern appeared to have replaced their amusement. "You named your Quidditch God?" Ryleigh sighed with the shake of the head.

"Of course. It would have been rude not to."

Ryleigh glanced around at the rest of the group. "Is anyone else concerned about James' sanity?"

"Oh, that's something I've been concerned about for years," Alice piped up with a shrug. "Since he decided to put rainbow streaks in his hair and run around the yard yelling 'I'm a shiny unicorn.'"

"Oy!" I groaned as the others burst into laughter. "There is no need to dredge up the past!"

"If there are more stories like that one, there is," Dash spoke with gleeful eyes.

I shot him a look. "Why don't I just tell the story of the time you tried making a boys-only fort in the common room because Bishop was being a meanie-head?"

"She kept showing off her stupid wand skills like she was better than me!"

"She was better than you," I reminded him. "And I was more focusing on the part where as a thirteen-year-old, you called her a _meanie-head_."

He shrugged. "I never said I had the most sophisticated vocabulary. That's what we kept Alice around for."

"Gee, and all this time I thought it was because I made for lovely company," she drawled sarcastically.

"Nah, it's mostly the vocabulary thing— _ow_!" he whimpered as Alice's foot actually made contact with his shin.

She grinned. "On top of having wonderful vocabulary, I'm also incredibly skilled in the art of kicking someone who deserves it best."

Rubbing the sore spot on his shin, he muttered, "I'm really going to have to remember that."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"Alright, Team," I said, pacing the floor of the Clock Tower on Sunday night. "Seven days. Seven days and we'll know exactly where we stand. Seven days and we'll know if we're in that final or not. _Seven. Freaking. Days_."

"Yeah, I think we heard you the first twenty times," Jax drawled from where he lay on his back on the floor.

I turned around and glared at him. "I don't like your negative energy."

"Eh, that's okay. I'm not your biggest fan right now either."

As stifled laughter filled the Clock Tower, my glare just intensified. "Get off the bloody floor, Bloch."

He rolled his eyes but sat up. "James, we've been here for nearly an hour and all you've done is lecture us on the fact that we only have seven days left of the unknown. And after the ninth time you said it, all I can think about is where the hell are you getting seven days from because I only count six."

As the rest of the team burst into laughter, I scowled. And then I hesitated because in doing a recount, I realized he was right.

I really hated it when other people were right.

"Okay, so I might be a little on edge," I sighed, leaning up against the window ledge.

"Oh, really? None of us have noticed," my sister drawled.

I shot her a look and ignored the stifled laughter from the others.

"We know you can't go two days without seeing all of our lovely faces," Fred chimed in, "But can I point out the obvious?"

"No," I said.

He did anyway. "This Team Meeting is pretty pointless."

I scowled and Alice used that time to speak up. "He's unfortunately right, Jay," she said with a sheepish smile. "Until Saturday's match, we won't really know what the fate of this team is."

I made a face. "Oh, don't say that," I whined.

I had all the faith in the world that we would make it to that final, mostly because the cost for not going to the final was too great for me to even consider, and I did not appreciate others pointing out that Gryffindor may have very well played their last match.

Did I know that there was an outcome that had us not playing in that final? Yes. Was I going to acknowledge that outcome at any point before the match? No.

We couldn't have played our last match. I wasn't ready to say goodbye to it all. And I needed to show the recruiters what I was made of. I needed to prove it to myself that this was what I was born to do. I needed to know that no matter where I ended up, whether overseas or local, that I'd at least be playing Quidditch. _I needed this_.

Clearly picking up on my turmoil, Alice picked herself off the floor and made her way over to me. "I'm not saying that to be cruel," she pointed out. "I'm saying that to be logical."

"Yeah, and when did I ever do anything logical?" I grunted.

She laughed and shook her head at me. "Inside, we are all screaming for the chance to make it to that final game. My stomach is in knots at the very idea that there is only six days left before we'll know the outcome. And it kills me to know that we all could have very well played our last match together."

Okay, seriously, people needed to stop saying that.

"Is this the motivational part of the speech? Because if it is, it could use some work," I drawled.

She smacked me playfully on the shoulder. "The unfortunate truth of all of this is, our team's fate isn't even in our own hands."

"Yeah, you really shouldn't ever become a motivational speaker."

She rolled her eyes, her upper lip twitching in hidden amusement, and she pulled herself up on to the window ledge, reaching over to massage my shoulders. "But look at us now, Jay. Look at the team we have. Think about where we were on that first day of Quidditch practice back in September and where we are now. You helped hand-pick this team and you molded us into the players we are today. You have inspired us to not just be good players but to go after greatness. You have spent years perfecting strategies that no team has ever achieved before. You love this game and you love this team and you make us all love it with you. This team is the _best damned team_ Gryffindor has ever had. So if this is it for us, if we have no more games to play, if we've played our last game with this group of incredible players, I know that I can hold my head up high and smile proudly because even though we failed at getting that Cup, I don't feel like a failure. Not with you as my Captain and these guys as my teammates. And we all have you to thank for that."

Considering how much I was stressing out about a match that didn't include my team at all, it was impressive how just a few prolific words could make me suddenly feel so calm and at ease.

I reached over and pressed a kiss to my girlfriend's cheek. "I change my mind," I said with a smile. "You can totally become a motivational speaker."

As we all laughed, Rose spoke up. "She's right, though," she said with a shrug. "I have been pretty adamant about not wanting to join this team with you and that other unruly cousin of yours over there running this show. And yet, you somehow made it happen."

"Other unruly cousin reporting for duty," Fred spoke up. "And you only joined because he blackmailed you."

"Shh, let her say nice things about me," I hushed. "She never does this."

More laughter filled the tower.

"We've had our ups and downs this year but I still think we have the best damned team in the school," Cass spoke up with a smile. "Not to go all sap mode on your arses, but I love you guys."

"Aw, I feel a tear coming on," Fred teased, wiping a fake tear away and earning himself half a cookie to the forehead. "You're not wrong though. We really are the best team in my completely unbiased opinion."

That earned him a roomful of snorts and laughs before Jax chimed in. "When Bishop was on the team, we were an okay group of players. Probably better than just okay. But this group right here, this is what a team is supposed to feel like. We're not just a bunch of players playing together, we're one united unit. Not to mention, I'm fairly certain I've gained back a few years on my life ever since that devil woman quit."

"Ah, yes, but then we just replaced her with devil woman #2," I teased, glancing over at my sister who was currently glaring at me.

"Who you calling a devil?" she scoffed.

"The girl sporting bright red hair, that's who," I smirked.

She rolled her eyes. "Not all people with red hair are the devil."

"Uh, have you met our family? They most certainly are."

"I think I take offense to that," Hugo pondered.

"I know I take offense to that," Lily drawled. "Don't make me push you off your broom the next time we're at practice, brother dearest."

"Which will be when?" CJ questioned, glancing over at me.

"Good question," I muttered. "Bloody Slytherin and Ravenclaw are monopolizing the pitch all week."

"Yeah, it's not like they have a Quidditch match on Saturday or anything," Fred drawled.

"I booked it for Sunday evening at six o'clock," I said. "We don't know what will happen on Saturday but if—correction, _when_ we end up in that final, that only gives us four weeks to prepare for our most intense match ever. So you better believe we'll be doubling up on practices."

"It's a good thing we don't also have any exams coming up," said Rose. "No, wait, exams start in seven weeks!"

"Quidditch first, baby," I grinned.

She rolled her eyes. "You're insufferable."

"I've been told," I spoke dismissively. "Alright, let's go over the numbers again for Saturday's match. We are-"

"Oh, for the love all things Circe, how many times is he going to do this?" Jax whined.

"-are currently in the lead with 610 points. Slytherin is just behind Ravenclaw at-"

"At 400 points" the group announced in unison.

I nodded. "Yes, and Ravenclaw has-"

"420 points," they said once again.

"That puts Slytherin behind us by 210," Alice drawled.

"And Ravenclaw behind us by 190," Fred followed.

I shot them both looks. "So best case scenario is-"

"Neither of those teams score that many points with the quaffle," Lily added robotically.

I rolled my eyes. "Because-"

"Then it won't even matter who catches the snitch, we'll be in," spoke CJ and Hugo in unison.

Okay, this was bordering on obnoxious. "BUT!" I said, scowling, "If one of those teams did happen to score exactly that many points with the quaffle, it has to be-"

"Ravenclaw," Cass chimed in. "Because if they don't catch the snitch and we wind up tying with them point-wise, we win the tiebreaker since we beat them in November."

"Yes, and-"

"Slytherin beat us so if they tie with us, they win the tiebreaker," Rose murmured.

Planting my hands on my hips, I glared at all of them, most of whom were trying very hard to contain their laughter. "Don't you all have better things to do with your time than mock my motivational speeches?"

"That was a motivational speech?" Rose drawled, her eyebrow shooting up. "Are you sure you know the meaning of the word 'motivational?'"

I threw a brownie at her. It wound up in her hair but she was too busy laughing to care.

Sighing, I glanced over at Alice. "Is it too late to join the Hufflepuff team?"

She giggled and leaned over to kiss me. "You love us."

Glancing towards the rest of my laughing teammates, I could only shake my head and say, "I do but I'm suddenly struggling to come up with one reason why."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"So, you're on edge, hm?"

We were all heading down the stairwell when Alice grabbed my hand from behind. I turned around and planted my hands on her hips. "Like you haven't noticed?" I chuckled.

Her lips were on mine before I even finished the statement and I reveled in the kiss, sinking into it in a way I so desperately needed.

When she pulled back, she pressed her forehead to mine and said, "I might have a way of making you less on edge."

My eyebrows shot up. "I hope your way includes us getting naked and doing highly inappropriate things with each other."

She grinned and kissed me again. "And this time," she said in between kisses, "There's no chance of your father walking in on us."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Later as we both lay in her bed, our clothes strewn about the room, I couldn't stop myself from smiling. Alice had this way about her that could somehow calm my nerves with just a single kiss. Something about being with her felt easy and comfortable. As if we had been doing this for years.

Which minus the whole sex thing, I suppose we kinda had been.

"What are you thinking about?"

I jumped and turned towards her, curling my arm around her and pressing a kiss to her cheek. "How beautiful you are."

She rolled her eyes. "Oh, you were not."

"Well, maybe not at that particular time, but about seventy-five percent of my time is thinking about that so it totally still stands."

She blushed. I loved that I could still make her blush. "It's annoying how perfect you can be sometimes."

I couldn't help but laugh at that. "Oh, babe, if anyone is perfect here it's definitely you."

She rolled her eyes at me. "I'm not perfect."

"Ah, but you are. You have a perfect smile," I said, kissing her lips. "Perfect hair." I brushed a stray hair from her face. "A very perfect arse." I squeezed her arse which caused her to laugh. "Your perfect…shoulder," I said, running out of things to say as I leaned over and pressed a kiss to her shoulder.

"My perfect _shoulder_?" she laughed. "You had me up until that last one."

"What? It is perfect! You have this cute little freckle right in the middle of your shoulderblade that is perfectly round and beautiful."

She looked surprised by my comment but merely offered a giggle. "You're stretching, Jay."

"You have a pretty perfect laugh, too," I said with a shrug, leaning over and capturing her lips with mine. "Oh, and let's not forget that the sex is pretty perfect, too."

She threw her head back and laughed that perfect laugh of hers before glancing over at me with a smile. "Well, I don't have much to compare it to, but I'd say it's pretty perfect myself."

I pulled her towards me and she settled into the nook of my arm. "Whatdya say we stay here forever, Ace?" I murmured, burying my lips into her hair.

"I'd say we should consider putting on clothes then because eventually my dad would come looking for me and we do _not_ need a repeat of last week."

I blanched at the reminder but in glancing at her, I thought the risk might be worth it. "No. No clothes. Clothes bad. Naked good."

She laughed but it quickly died out. I saw a bit of sadness in her eyes as she glanced at me hesitantly. "As much as I'd be all for staying here forever, there is an entire world out there waiting for us to explore it," she murmured. "And as scary as that is, I also find it somewhat exciting."

I pressed a kiss to her temple before nodding. "If you're excited, then I'm excited."

She tilted her head up towards me. "You're not excited?"

Hesitating, I said, "I think I am. But I'm also not sure how I'm supposed to let go of this place. This was where I felt the most at home for the past six years. It gave us so much. Life lessons and friendship and adventures and so many memories that will live with us forever. What happens if the future memories don't measure up to the past ones?"

She opened her mouth to respond but shut it to carefully consider my question. "I think it's really easy to fear the future, to wonder about the unknown, but all we can really do is live in this present moment and make the very best of it as much as we can."

She always seemed to know exactly what to say. "Has anyone ever told you that you have a real way with words?" I whispered.

She met my gaze and smiled. "Only you but that's because you bring out the best in me."

I looked at her and suddenly felt my heart race unexpectedly, her warm eyes meeting my slight panicked ones. Because in that moment, in that completely perfect moment, there was so much of me that wanted to tell her that I loved her, that she was the only girl I was ever meant to be with. But the very idea of saying those words aloud terrified me. There was too much to lose but not enough to gain so I ignored the feelings in my heart, I ignored the words on the very edge of my tongue, and instead I just leaned over to kiss her.

When I pulled back, I said with my usual cheek, "Well, if you're insisting we make this present moment the very best, there's really only one way to do that."

She pretended to think about it before saying, "Finish off the brownies? I'm starving."

I groaned. "Not what I was going to say."

She laughed and sat up. I pouted as she did. "C'mon, aren't you hungry?"

I smirked as I watched her naked arse scoot off the bed. "Oh, _yes_."

She turned around to give me a look. "I meant for dessert, you prat."

I looked at her. "If you're what I'm having for dessert then I stand by my 'oh yes.'"

She smacked me on the thigh, though I could tell she was struggling to hold in a laugh. " _I meant actual food, you horndog_."

With a chuckle, I scrunched up my nose and then sighed. "Yeah, fine, I could eat."

Alice laughed and headed towards her desk. Reaching for the tray of brownies, she grabbed them and tossed them on to the bed.

I grabbed one and bit into it, only then noticing that Alice was not joining me.

"Don't you want a brownie? What are you do—aw, c'mon, I thought we agreed you wouldn't put on clothes!"

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Wednesday brought our warmest weather thus far so Alice, Fred, Ryleigh, and I found ourselves outside after lunch.

"I still can't believe the Harpies beat the Macaws," Ryleigh was saying. Ryleigh's head was currently in her boyfriend's lap, who was leaning up against the tree. "The Macaws nearly had an undefeated season."

"Nearly being the key word there," I pointed out. I was laying in the grass in front of the two of them while Alice sat crosslegged beside me. "My sister was certainly pleased. She's going to be a right pain during the final series."

"Yeah, because you won't be a right pain back, Mr. Cannons fan," Fred snorted.

I grinned. "Being a right pain is my specialty."

"I can attest to that," Alice spoke up with a teasing grin.

"Oy, no teasing the boyfriend. It wounds his fragile heart," I whined.

She giggled and leaned over to kiss me. Pulling back, she ruffled up my hair and said, "And all this time, I thought you were without a heart."

While the other two laughed, I merely pouted. "My nonexistent heart doesn't appreciate that."

She laughed and kissed me again and in doing so, Ryleigh spoke. "That could be you next year, Potter."

I turned to her quizzically and was greeted by a curious smile. "What could be me next year?"

She shrugged like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "You could be playing in a professional league's final series. And you could be one of the players who helped your team make it there."

I was both appreciative and nervous about her words for every time my Quidditch future came up, I didn't know what to think. "I hope so" was all I said.

"I know so," Alice spoke up with a smile.

If only I had her confidence that everything would work out.

"That could be you too, Ace," I reminded her.

She rolled her eyes but it was Fred who spoke up, the curiosity evident in his tone. "You've spent your entire life obsessed with the very idea of playing in a professional Quidditch league and now that we're talking about it, you're changing the subject?"

"I'm not changing the subject," I argued. "I'm just putting the subject on Ace."

"Why?" he asked point-blank.

I glanced over at Alice tensely for I realized then that while I had talked to my father and to Teddy and to Alice about the possibility of me leaving the country to pursue my dreams, I hadn't once discussed it with Fred.

"Because," I said softly, "I don't know what team or what country I'll end up playing for and what's worse is, I don't know which team or country I _want_ to be playing for."

He stared at me. "When did you stop wanting to play for the Cannons and where was I when you stopped wanting this?"

I slowly shook my head. "It's not that I stopped wanting to play for the Cannons. It's that I started wanting to play for myself."

When I said nothing more, he rolled his eyes. "How very philosophical of you. Care to elaborate?"

I met the confusion in his gaze and said in the simplest of ways, "You of all people have to understand what it's like living a life in surname only. But I am looking to make my own legacy, not just live my parents'."

There was a flicker of recognition in his timid expression as our eyes locked and he just offered me a curt nod. I expected some sort of response, anything really, but he just turned away from me with a frown.

"For what it's worth," Ryleigh spoke up when Fred didn't, "I think you're going to take the Quidditch world by storm, not by name."

I met the sincerity in her gaze and offered her an appreciative nod. "Well, it's official. We're definitely back in the me-liking-you phase," I said with a smile. "And thank you for saying that."

She smiled back but the moment was interrupted when Alice smacked me on the shoulder. "Oy, I've said that to you at least a hundred times, if not a thousand, and you've dismissed me every time. Why does Ryleigh get a thank you?" she whined.

I chuckled and said, "You're supposed to say shit like that to me. It means a lot more coming from an unbiased participant."

"Well, gee, that's the last time I say anything nice to you."

I grinned sheepishly and pulled on her arm towards me. She tried to struggle but I was too strong for her as I planted her cheek and her nose and her other cheek and her lips with a kiss, all while she laughed and eventually gave in.

"So," Ryleigh smirked, "If anyone had told you two a year ago that you'd end up in a relationship, would you have believed them?"

Not even a little bit.

"Same question could be asked of you two," I pointed out.

Ryleigh lifted her gaze towards her boyfriend, who I only just noticed appeared to be paying very little attention to us. "Well?" she asked Fred with a curious chuckle.

Distracted, he looked up at her. "Er…sorry, what?"

She rolled her eyes. "James wants to know that if someone had told us a year ago that we'd wind up in a relationship, would you have believed them."

He snorted. "Fuck no. I would have laughed my arse off."

"And then found the nearest girl to shag behind the greenhouses," Ryleigh smirked.

I howled with laughter as Fred pouted. "I mean, yes, true, but did you really have to say it?"

Ryleigh tilted her head back and Fred took that as an invitation to kiss her. "This is the part where we skip back behind the greenhouses, right?" he teased her.

Ryleigh smacked him on the shoulder, though she was laughing so I took that to mean she wasn't even close to being insulted. "I have class in twenty minutes unfortunately," she groaned. "Remind me why I took Care of Magical Creatures this year?"

"I really don't know," he chuckled. "Should we head back to the castle then?"

She made a face but reluctantly pulled herself off the grass. "You two have free periods?" she asked us.

Alice and I both nodded. "Yeah, we plan to spend them doing absolutely nothing at all," I spoke with a cheeky grin.

Alice poked me in the side. "We're supposed to finish our Potions essay!"

"That was a real suggestion?" I gasped.

The other two laughed and said their goodbyes, leaving me alone with Alice, which I did not mind one bit. "C'mere," I murmured, reaching out for her leg and pulling her close to me.

She chuckled and put aside her textbook to curl up beside me. "We really do have to finish our Potions essay," she said, though she didn't look terribly concerned as she settled into the nook of my arm.

"Eh, that's what tonight is for," I murmured, pressing a kiss into her hair.

"I have a prefect meeting tonight," she reminded me.

I groaned. "Dammit, I sometimes forget that all the smart people in this school feel it necessary to get together and mock the less smart every other week."

"Oh, right, because that's all we do during our meetings, nothing of actual importance," she giggled.

I grinned at her and took that opportunity to lean over to capture her lips with mine. "Question," I murmured, brushing a stray hair from her forehead, "Why are we not currently hanging out in the privacy of your bedroom?"

She pulled away from me for a second to give me a look of slight incredulity. "Uh, I believe you were the one who suggested that because it was so beautiful outside we should spend the afternoon on the grounds."

I paused. "Can I change my suggestion now?"

She laughed and pressed her lips to mine. "If we go back to my room, there's no way I'll finish my essay."

"I'm not supposed to be too torn up about that, am I?" I teased, kissing her nose.

She laughed again and shoved me lightly before sitting back up and reaching for her notes. I took that time to pout, which she noticed but ignored. I just smiled and watched as she scribbled along the page in front of her. Her eyebrows crinkled, as they often did when she was thinking meticulously about something, and she chewed on the inside of her lip when her quill stopped halfway across the page. These were the little things about her that I had always noticed but didn't think much of until now, realizing that there was a reason I had always managed to pick up on the little things with her no matter how minute the detail was.

"Dance with me," I said at some point.

She looked at me. "What?"

I grinned and stood up off the grass. Holding my hand out to her, I said again, "Dance with me."

She stared up at me curiously. "Why?"

I shrugged. "Why not?"

"Well, for one thing, because there's no music," she pointed out.

"Eh, so I'll sing for you."

She looked at me and while trying not to laugh, said, "No one wants to hear that."

"Oy, I'll have you know I have a beautiful voi—yeah, no, I can't say that with a straight face," I chuckled, shaking my head. "Okay, new idea. I'll hum a terribly off-tune song instead. "

She chuckled and slowly shook her head at me. "Why are you asking me to dance, Jay?"

I shrugged and smiled down at her. "I don't know," I chuckled nervously. "It just seems like we only ever dance when we're feeling sad and hurt and brokenhearted. Maybe I just want one memory of us dancing when everything feels right and perfect."

She looked at me in awe, an impressed smile making it was way on to her lips. "That's not always true," she said, picking herself up the grass and standing in front of me, "We don't always save our dancing for when we need to dance it out. Keep in mind that we do occasionally find ourselves dancing at parties or in a bar."

"Those aren't perfect memories, those are drunken memories."

She threw her head back and laughed, one that put a smile on my face because I knew I wouldn't ever get enough of her laugh. "Alright, Mr. Suave," she spoke softly, holding out her hand. "May I have this dance?"

I took her hand and drew her into me, dipping my head right below her ear and whispering, "Always."

I started to hum some catchy tune, albeit off-key, and she laughed but she let me twirl her around and I dipped her and we kissed and it was as if everything was finally just falling into place. I didn't know what my future held but I knew Alice would be a part of it. And that somehow made me feel as if everything might just be okay one day.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Ever since my conversation with Fred out on the grounds, he had been acting weird and distant and I wasn't the only one who was noticing.

"What's with Fred?" Dash asked Wednesday evening as the two of us got ready for bed. "He's been unusually quiet for the past couple of days. Too quiet. It's weird and it's creepy. And when I tried suggesting a prank on the Ravenclaws to give him a bit of a pick-me-up, get this, _he turned me down_."

I frowned as I stripped off my undershirt. "I don't know what's up with him. But I plan to find out."

The next morning, I cornered Fred in the bathroom as he was brushing his teeth.

"Alright, out with it. What's with you?"

Fred nearly jumped as I appeared at his side before leaning over and spitting toothpaste into the sink. "I'm trying to brush my teeth, that's what's-"

"That's not what I'm talking about and you know it."

He peeked at me out of the corner of his eye before letting out a reluctant sigh. He ran his toothbrush under the faucet before placing it back in its holder. "When we were out on the grounds and you were telling me about the possibility of leaving the country to pursue your dreams, it got me thinking."

"Uh-oh. Thinking isn't a good look on you."

He glared at me. "Do you want to know what's been bugging me or should I just ram my toothbrush up your nose instead?"

I grinned sheepishly. "Go on."

He folded his arms across his body and leaned back against the countertop. "Remember when I told you that my father was looking at storefronts in France for franchise options?"

I nodded.

"Well, it's nearly a done deal. And he spoke to me over Easter Break about managing it."

I hesitated. "I feel like this is a good thing and yet you don't seem all that excited about it."

He met my gaze. "For all the reasons that you're looking to get out of the country are the exact opposite reasons as to why I want to stay."

I tried dissecting his words but came up confused. "It's too early for me to read between your profound lines so I'm going to need you to spell it out for me."

He sighed. "I've wanted to travel the world since I was a kid, get out of our tiny fame-filled bubble and be somebody," he spoke in a quiet murmur. "But who I am, who I've always been, who I always want to be is my father's son. I never strove to turn out just like him but that's what happened. You said the night of the Roast that I was desperate to win over my father's approval and you weren't wrong."

I cringed. "Fred, I didn't mean it-"

"You did," he said, shaking his head. "But it's okay because you were right. At first, the idea of going into business with my father appealed to me because he wanted me to be a part of it and I liked the idea of him wanting that. But at some point in the last few months, I realized that I'm not looking to join Weasley Wizarding Wheezes because he wants me to but because _I_ want to. I love my father, I love my family, and I want to be a part of the business he built from the ground up. I want to carry on his legacy and I want to carry on my uncle's. They're in my blood and I wouldn't have it any other way."

He sounded so confident that it made me smile.

At the same time that it made me envious.

Because while he sounded so sure of what he wanted, I still very much didn't have a clue.

"So…" I said hesitantly, "What's the problem? You want to go into business with him and that's exactly what you're doing."

He met my gaze. "The problem is he'll be in England and I won't be."

I looked at him and it dawned on me what he wasn't saying. "You mean Ryleigh will be in England and you won't be."

He looked up sharply, the surprise evident in his eyes.

"This isn't about your father at all, is it?"

"Of course it is," he huffed.

I gave him a look. "Ballpark figure, how much of this is about your father?"

He paused. "3%?"

I laughed and shook my head at him. "I know what it's like to wonder what the future holds for a relationship," I said with a hesitant shrug, "But it's far better to wonder about it with your girlfriend than to wonder about it without."

He looked at me, the incredulousness evident in his expression. "That was bordering on overly sappy, mate," he drawled. "And what makes you think I haven't wondered about it with her?"

"Because you wouldn't be acting like this if you had."

He said nothing at first and I could practically see the wheels turning in his head before he finally let out a sigh and shook his head in disbelief at me. "For the record, I don't like that you can read me so easily."

I clapped him on the shoulder. "Sorry, but that's what you get from knowing me since birth."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"Aw, c'mon, one hex?" I pleaded.

Alice shot me a look. " _No_."

"Just a tiny one!"

"With you, there's no such thing as a _tiny hex_."

"She makes a good point, mate," Fred spoke up from the other side of the table.

I glared at him. "Why are you agreeing with her? Don't you want to see me hex Pruitt?"

He shoveled a kipper into his mouth before speaking. "Always," he said with a shrug, "But do you honestly think hexing him in the Great Hall under the noses of the professors and the Headmistress is the way to go about doing it?"

Alice beamed and patted Fred on the head. "Good boy."

"It's better to catch him off-guard later in a random hallway where you won't get caught, James."

Alice glared at Fred while I doubled over in laughter. "I take it back. Bad boy. _Very bad boy_."

Fred smirked. "That's what Ryleigh likes to say about me."

More laughter from me and a groan from Alice. "Well, that's it, I officially need to cut off my ears."

"Well, don't do that. They're one of your best features," I pouted.

That got both of their attention. "My ears are my best feature?" she said, dumbfounded.

"No, your ears are _one_ of your best features. _One of_. It's a tie between your smile and your eyes and that cute little wrinkle above your right eye and your legs and obviously your arse and-"

"So basically, _all_ of my features?" she laughed, tossing a kipper at my nose.

I grinned. "I can't help that you have beautiful features."

"Alright, this mushiness needs to stop or I will be hurling my breakfast all over this table," Fred drawled, shuddering.

I chuckled and dug my head back into my playbook as the other two started up a conversation about whether or not Ravenclaw or Slytherin's beaters were better.

"Don't you have that thing memorized by now?"

I glanced up as Jax and Rose dipped into the bench opposite me. "One can never be too prepared for Quidditch, Bloch."

"What are you preparing for?" he contemplated. "It's Slytherin vs. Ravenclaw this weekend."

"For when we make that final," I huffed. " _Because we will make that final if it's the last thing we do_."

"Yeah, I'd rather not have that be the last thing we do," Rose sighed. "I kinda like this whole living thing I've got going."

"Really? Because you're dating Jax and that can't be too terribly enjoyable," Fred chimed in.

He ducked as Jax attempted to throw a kipper at him.

"We'll be in that final," Jax spoke firmly. "And you'll show off to the recruiters, James, and probably get a thousand pro offers and you'll analyze them for days going back and forth about who has the best players and the best coaches and who has the best chance of winning and which team you'll shine on and you'll turn down other offers before you get the one you want and-"

"Jax," I interrupted, shaking my head at him, "I put enough pressure on myself. I don't need you to do it, too."

He grinned sheepishly. "I'm just saying, in a year's time, we will all be at one of your matches rooting you on."

I certainly hoped so.

"We have to make it to that final first," I murmured, shutting my playbook and pushing it aside. "If we don't, well…"

I didn't like to think about the idea of not making it to that final because that would essentially hinder, perhaps even end, my dream to play on a professional Quidditch team come August. These recruiters made their final decisions in May and June, and they come to the Hogwarts final as a way of scoping out what talent would fit in best with their team. So if Gryffindor isn't playing in it, it would be a lot more difficult, somewhat impossible, to show the professional Quidditch world that I needed to be a member of one of their teams. I could write to them, beg them to listen to recordings, show up at open tryouts, but there was nothing like being at that final and showing them why your team was there. Why _you_ were there.

We had to go to the finals. We just had to. I had had a lot of disappointment that year but have managed to survive it. I wasn't so sure I could survive this one last disappointment, however. My heart could only take so much.

"We will," Alice urged, smiling at me as she reached over to squeeze my hand.

I met her gaze and smiled back. "It would make things a lot easier getting to that final if-"

"You're not hexing Pruitt."

Dammit.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

 _"Did you see it?"_

I had just sat down at the Gryffindor table for breakfast on Friday when I was bombarded by my sister's overly excited voice.

"Er…see what?" I asked, glancing over my shoulder. In doing so, I noticed she was joined by Rose and Albus, all of whom were wearing rather goofy grins.

Lily handed me the paper, her eyes lighting up. Which was surprising because most of the time I was being handed a newspaper, I was expecting a string of profanity over the usual salacious headlines.

"What am I looking for?" I questioned, unfolding the paper.

"You'll see," Lily said, now practically bouncing on her tiptoes.

My eyebrow shot up curiously as I glanced down at the paper. I was expecting to have to dig a little but the front-page headline jumped out at me like a very happy surprise.

 **Ginny Potter's Attackers Sentenced to Life in Azkaban**

I jumped up, pumping my hand into the air with an embarrassing, "Whoop!"

My siblings and Rose all laughed as I reached over to embrace my sister, twirling her around in an unexpectedly giddy way. "Well, that didn't take long!" I said, returning my sister to solid ground. "I thought the trial started yesterday."

"Wasn't much of a trial," Rose said. "The guys apparently plead guilty immediately, happy to tell the world that your mother deserved it, the fucking jackasses."

I chuckled. "I couldn't have said it better myself," I said, skimming the article. It wasn't that long of one, just providing the details of the very quick trial transcript along with a short summary of the actual attack. Considering how much the press loved to twist the facts when it came to our family, they finally did a good job keeping it simple and accurate.

"Do you think there are other people out there looking to finish the job these three bastards started?" I questioned, glancing up at the other three cautiously.

The overjoyed vibe turned somber quickly. "Let's…not think about that," Albus pleaded.

I met his gaze and nodded. "You're right. This is a celebratory moment, not a depressing one. I'm glad to hear that justice was served."

"Me too!" a new voice chimed in and we all whirled around to see Roxanne and Lucy skipping up to us. A ways behind them was Hugo and Fred, both rushing into the Great Hall with wide grins and eager eyes. They scanned the room in a matter of seconds and set their sights on us before hurrying over to us with loud cheers, not caring that they were making fools out of themselves in front of the entire Great Hall.

And it made me grin. Maybe there were times that I've had problems with my family, but in the end, they were still my family and we were all there for each other through the good times and the bad. And this was definitely one of the good times. Even if it was because of a bad one.

"This calls for a celebration!" Fred said, clapping me on the shoulder. "Who brought the champagne?"

"It's eight o'clock in the morning," Rose groaned.

"So we'll mix it with orange juice and have celebratory mimosas," he dismissed.

"In the middle of the Great Hall?" she sighed.

"Why must you turn down all of my good ideas?"

"Why don't you ever _have_ any good ideas?"

"I'll have you know that I'm the King of Good Ideas," he huffed.

"More like the King of No Ideas."

"I feel like you're hardcore bringing this moment down, Rosie," Fred whined.

She swiftly shook her head. "No," she said, shaking her head as another goofy grin filled her expression. "There's no way anything could bring this moment down."

I glanced down at the headline again, an intense amount of euphoria bubbling up inside of my heart as my own grin flooded my face. "I guess sometimes you have to fight through a lot of bad to get to the good, but maybe that's what you have to do to know what really matters in life."

When I glanced up from the paper, I was met with six identical looks of surprised fascination.

"Er…what?" I said with a nervous chuckle.

"You just still have a way of surprising us sometimes, that's all," Lily said, an appreciative smile resting on her face.

I just shrugged and rolled my eyes. "Well, c'mon all of you. Join me for a celebratory breakfast," I said, gesturing to the empty seats around me.

They all obliged and I couldn't help the goofy grin that jumped to my face, wondering when it was that I ever sat down to a breakfast with my siblings and cousins all at once.

"You know what would make this celebratory breakfast even better?" Fred spoke up a few minutes later.

" _We aren't having mimosas_ ," Rose scowled.

"Dammit."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Friday afternoon, I was supposed to be heading to History of Magic but we were up to the point of the war in which the Triwizard Tournament took place and I had little desire to listen to the class fawn over my father's masterful triumph of getting past a dragon just by flying on a broom, so I was walking slower than usual in the halls.

I noticed Alice halfway down the hallway from me and hurried after her, grabbing her arm and quickly pulling her away from the others.

She yelped but smiled when she discovered it was me. Wrapping her arms around my shoulders, she said, "Where have you been? You missed breakfast."

"Jessup took an hour longer than usual in the bloody shower. I barely had time to shower myself," I said dismissively as I leaned over to press my lips to hers. "Skip History with me."

I didn't give her the chance to respond, overwhelming her with kisses. She finally pushed me away with a giggle. "You only have two months left here," she reminded me, though I barely heard her as I found a sudden interest in her cleavage. "Maybe you should give being a decent student a try?"

I pretended to consider it before shaking my head. "Or I could give being randy in a broom cupboard a try," I teased, grabbing her hand and dragging her halfway down the hallway towards a supply closet.

"I'm pretty sure you have not only tried to do that several times over the years but succeeded," she laughed but she didn't seem to mind it when I pulled her into the storage closet and shut the door behind us. My lips were on her neck almost immediately as her arms circled around my shoulders.

"You get, like, five minutes of snogging time," she whispered breathlessly, her back arching as my lips made a raid towards her cleavage.

"Snogging time?" I pouted, planting a kiss on her chest. "That's it?"

She pulled herself away from me to give me what I could only assume was her attempt at a stern look. "The moment my shirt or skirt comes off, that door will most likely open to reveal my father or one of your annoying cousins or another professor or a gossip-hungry Ravenclaw," she pointed out with a chuckle. "So feel me up under my shirt, under my skirt, and whatever else you feel the need to do in five minutes, but these clothes aren't going anywhere."

I considered her words carefully before breaking out into a grin. "That sounds an awful lot like a challenge," I smirked as I grabbed a hold of her tie and pulled her back towards me, my lips meeting hers once again.

"You can call it whatever you want," she murmured, her hands tugging at the back of my hair, "As long as my clothes stay— _ohh_."

She let out an unexpected moan when my hand snuck up inside of her skirt. I pushed aside her underwear and flicked my fingers over her clit, all while my lips danced hungrily against hers.

I dipped my finger into her opening and quickly followed it with another, more illicit moans whispering in the back of her throat. She braced herself against the wall, her legs quivering at my touch, and I continued to move my fingers inside of her while planting kisses along her exposed neck. She started to squirm, her whimpers like music to my ears, until her whole body spasmed and she let out a strangled cry.

With a smirk, I removed my fingers and leaned over to press a feverish kiss to her lips. She barely kissed me back, too focused on trying to catch her breath.

"I always did love a good challenge," I murmured as I planted a tender kiss on her collarbone.

She met my gaze and smiled. "Y'know, considering you're the broom cupboard king, I'm surprised that this is the first time we've ever done that in a broom cupboard."

I glanced down at her curiously. "Okay one, who's calling me the broom cupboard king? And two, we're not in a broom cupboard, we're in a storage closet."

"Oh, so you're the king of technicalities also?" she giggled, wrapping her arms around my shoulders and pulling herself close to me.

I smiled down at her and said, "I'm the king of whatever you want me to be, Ace."

She looked up at me in slight surprise, a small smile creeping on to her lips. "Your five minutes are up, supply closet king."

I laughed and then pouted when she slid past me to open the door. As we piled out into the hallway, we halted almost immediately at the sight of Fred and Ryleigh passing by. They both looked at us, then at each other, then back at us as they proceeded to burst into laughter.

Alice turned towards me with an upturned eyebrow. "See what I mean? _Annoying cousin_."

"Hey, it could be worse. It could be your father," I laughed, wrapping my arm around her shoulders from behind and pulling her into my chest, pressing a kiss to the back of her head

"You guys do realize AliCat has her own bedroom? Y'know, _with a bed_ ," Fred said in between laughs. "It's much more conducive for having sex."

"We weren't having sex," Alice scoffed almost immediately. "We were just snogging."

I smirked. That's definitely not all we were doing.

"Oh, really? Then why does Jameso here look like a giddy kid on Christmas morning?"

Alice turned her head at me and scowled. "Oh, remove that smirk from your face this instant. _We didn't do anything_."

"Your definition of not doing anything is rather interesting," I contemplated.

She pulled away from me and smacked me on the shoulder. "Stop giving these two the wrong idea!"

I laughed and grabbed her hand tightly, pulling her back towards me. She struggled to get away but my grip was too strong. "We didn't do anything," I said, planting an amused kiss to her cheek.

"Yeah, that's not what I plan on telling the entire school," Fred smirked, flashing us both a smile.

"You have five seconds to run before I hex you into the ground, Fred Weasley!" Alice barked at him.

"Well, that's my cue," he laughed before hightailing it down the hallway.

Alice chased after him, leaving Ryleigh and myself on our own. She turned towards me with an odd sort of smile. "I've known you for a long time, James. Not personally but we've shared classes and the pitch together and you're rather hard to ignore anywhere you go with that loud personality of yours."

My eyebrow quirked upward. "Is this going somewhere?"

She chuckled. "This might be the first time I've ever seen you look genuinely happy."

I blinked in surprise, glancing over at her curiously. I could have argued but we'd both know it'd be a lie. Because while I always played the role of the happy-go-lucky kid, goofing around and rarely taking anything seriously, even I knew that a thick cloud of unhappiness followed me everywhere.

But not anymore.

I had Alice in my life to make it better, my relationship with my parents was on its way to being patched up, my brother and I were on good terms, and I had an entire future ahead of me to look forward to.

Now, if only I could make a decision about where that future was going to take me.

Smiling down at Ryleigh, I said, "Y'know, Carver, this might be the first time I've ever felt genuinely happy."

She smiled back at me. "It suits you," she said with a shrug. "Now, should we be going after those significant others of ours or let them fend for themselves?"

"There's a good chance if I try to get involved, I'll wind up the one hexed into the ground."

She laughed and said, "Then I guess we're staying out of it."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

The school was abuzz that Saturday morning with all kinds of Quidditch gossip, partly for the Cannons-Harpies match scheduled for that evening at seven o'clock but mostly for the Hogwarts match that would determine which two teams would make the finals. Speculation was running wild. Prayers to the Quidditch Gods were uttered. Bets were being tossed around. And yet for the first time since I could remember, the Gryffindor team sat silently and tensely as we all quietly ate our breakfast.

"Damn, who died?" Dash greeted us as he slid into the bench opposite us.

"You will if you so much as paint the Gryffindors in any sort of bad light during the announcing of the match today" was my immediate response.

His eyebrow shot up. "You do realize that only Slytherin and Ravenclaw are playing today, right?"

Fred snorted. "Oh, right, because you won't mention even once the fact that today's game affects the Gryffindors just as much as it affects the aforementioned teams?"

Dash hesitated. "I won't paint you in a bad light," he said with a shrug before tossing some rashers on to his plate.

"Says the guy who outed a relationship that wasn't even a relationship at the last match," Rose snorted, shooting my roommate a dirty look.

"Hey, that all worked out for them, didn't it!" he chuckled sheepishly.

Rose rolled her eyes and went back to eating in silence.

"We have a really good shot to be in that final," Cass spoke, though the tremble in her voice betrayed her nerves.

"Yeah, we do," I agreed with an eager nod. "And I know I've been drilling the possible outcome details into your miniscule minds for weeks now, pretty much ever since we lost the last match, and I could do it again, but you'd probably all mutiny and start throwing scones at me and then McGonagall would probably come over here and ban us all from the match today for being unruly troublemakers and then we'd have to wait while the entire rest of the school watches the penultimate match and who knows how long the match could drag on for and we'd be stuck elsewhere completely helpless and at the mercy of others and oh for the love of all things Merlin, please don't throw scones at me."

The entire team had abandoned their breakfast to stare at me. There was a rather long pause before Rose glanced towards the others and said, "Did he call our minds miniscule?"

"Oh, yeah, he definitely did," Alice said with a nod.

I scoffed. "That's what you got out of my brilliantly-told anecdote?"

"You say brilliant. We say you should probably never discuss hypothetical situations ever again," Jax smirked, getting out of my way just in time before my hand could meet the back of his head.

"Let's chat about the Harpies-Cannons game instead," Lily chimed in. "Maybe that'll get our minds off of the Hogwarts match."

"If we discuss the Harpies crumbling like a shortbread cookie on that pitch tonight, you'll hex me so brutally, I'd be hanging out in the hospital wing all afternoon," I told my sister. "And I'd rather avoid that."

" _Cannons are so going down_."

I grinned at her. Today was going to be one hell of a Quidditch-obsessed day and I didn't hate it one bit.

Just as long as we made it to the finals and the Cannons won.

"C'mon," I said with a light chuckle, "Let's go claim the best seats in the house for this match."

None of us were done eating but that didn't seem to bother anyone as we all pulled ourselves off the Gryffindor benches and headed towards the door.

We were winding through the Entrance Hall towards the wrought-iron doors, when I heard my name being summoned.

Glancing over my shoulder, I groaned as Brooks and Callum made their way over to me with matching smirks. "Looking to get a front row seat to the downfall of the Gryffindor team?"

"No, I'm looking to get a front row seat so that when you lose the match in your usual humiliating way, I can point and laugh in your ugly-ass face."

"James," Alice murmured behind me.

"Don't tell me you're actually rooting for Slytherin?" Brooks laughed. "Don't you recall what happened the last time you played against your brother? No, correction: the last _two_ times you played against your brother? Here's a little reminder for you: _you bloody lost_."

Oh, how I wanted to punch him in the face. "Hey, remind me, Brooks, who won the Gryffindor-Ravenclaw match last November?"

Brooks scoffed. "So you won one bloody match. Big deal," he drawled. "We'll beat you in that final game if we have to, _if you even make it there_ , and then once again prove to the world how much of a loser you are."

"At least I know how to keep a girlfriend happy. How's Kenley doing, Pruitt?"

The murderous look in his eye told me I was actually getting to him. I was rather proud of that.

" _James_ ," Alice snapped but she went ignored.

"You're going to bring up a girl that nearly destroyed your relationship with Longbottom before it even began?" Callum spoke up with a laugh. "Are you daft?"

Ah, so the lapdog does know how to speak.

But unfortunately, not entirely wrong.

"Nearly," I repeated coolly. "And yet here we are."

"James, let's go," Alice hissed at me, her voice wavering on the edge of angry.

I glanced over at her and knew that if I didn't want to get into a fight with her, I needed to walk away. With a reluctant sigh, I glanced back over at the two Ravenclaws and said, "I'd wish you luck today but I hope your team goes up in flames."

And with that, I slid past the duo and stormed off towards the exit.

I heard the shuffle of my teammate's feet behind me as I pushed through the door. The sun was brightly shining, the air slightly damp, and I could feel a bead of sweat beginning to form on my forehead. It was a beautiful day for a Quidditch match.

"Was that really necessary?" Alice spoke from behind me.

I slowed my pace and she stepped into line with me. "It's always necessary calling those two out on their bullshit."

She clearly didn't like that answer for the glare she sent my way was full of shade. "He was looking for a fight to get his adrenaline and his motivation going before the game and you gave it to him."

I shrugged. "He knows me well, then."

" _Jay_."

I cringed at the clear vehemence in her tone. So much for not getting into a fight with Alice. "What do you want me to say here, Ace?" I said, shooting her a look. "You know me. Probably a little too well. And you honestly think I have the ability to walk away from those two cretins? There isn't a chance in hell I'd ever let them get in the last word."

"You have the ability to walk away from them, you just choose not to," she countered.

"Yeah, and what exactly did I say to them that was so wrong?" I sighed. "Please, enlighten me."

"I'm not telling you that what you said to them was wrong. I'm telling you that saying anything at all was wrong," she drawled.

"Why?" I retaliated. "Because you're Miss Perfect Prefect who never seems to do anything wrong while I almost always never choose the goddamned right thing? You knew exactly who you were dating when we started this relationship so don't try to change me, Ace, because I promise you that you are just wasting your perfect prefect time."

The hurt look on her face told me I may have taken it too far.

And when she stormed off away from me, I knew there was no 'may have' about it.

I felt the presence of the rest of my team behind me as I watched Alice go. So I wasn't at all surprised when Rose said, "You're a fucking idiot, James."

That I was.

With a sigh, I jogged after Alice and caught up with her halfway to the pitch.

"Ace," I said, grabbing her arm.

She jerked it away and glared at me. "Come to insult me some more?"

I hesitated. "Nothing I said was an insult," I argued. "My tone was insulting, sure. But the words weren't. You always make the right decisions and you are perfect in every way."

Her glare didn't subside. "Yeah, and that has to do with you picking a fight with the Ravenclaw ruffians how?"

Ravenclaw ruffians. It had a nice ring to it. I'd have to remember that insult for the future.

"I wasn't the one picking a fight with them. They picked a fight with me," I reminded her.

" _And you picked one right back_."

She unfortunately made a good point.

"Because I can't stand the fact that I have _absolutely no bloody control_ over today's match and those two _assholes_ might actually get to decide our bloody future!" I blurted out.

Her mouth parted as she gaped at me. It took her a few seconds to regain her composure before she said, "You are giving them way too much power over you, Jay."

"Because they have all the power," I spoke desperately. "All I get to do today is sit in the stands and watch as everything I worked so hard on for _five bloody years_ ends up in the hands of _fourteen other people_. All of those grueling practices I put into this game and the relationships I built with my teammates and the wins I helped secure, there's a chance that none of that will even matter after today. We'll all be forgotten. Fade into the background as yet another team who couldn't hold up that Cup at the end of the day and say _we did that_. And if that isn't enough to crush my heart and soul, then let's just remember that if we don't wind up at that final match, there's a good chance that my dreams will be just as crushed as the rest of me. Because that's when the recruiters show up. That's when they make note of the graduating players. That's when they start considering who to offer their starting positions to. _That's when they see who was made for this game_. And the fact that I can't be out there on the pitch today to put the fate of this team in my own hands is killing me, Ace. _It's literally killing me_."

She appeared to not be totally surprised by my outburst, her eyes showing a rather odd sense of bored compassion.

Slowly, she nodded as if she was musing carefully over what I said. "Hm, you'd think for someone who was literally dying, you wouldn't look so alive."

I blinked. "That's all you have to say?"

She offered me a small smile. "Lacking control was never something you knew how to handle all that well, Jay," she reminded me. "So if you thought for a single second that I didn't know how much today was destroying you, you don't know me at all. But picking fights with Pruitt and Finch and myself as your way of being able to control just a small ounce of _something_ isn't going to change the fact that today's match is out of our hands."

I sighed and turned away. "Ugh, don't say that."

She chuckled and reached up to wrap her arms around my shoulders. "We did all that we could up to this point, Jay," she reminded me. "All we can do now is wait."

I frowned and turned away from her hopeful gaze. "That's…" I trailed off, slowly shaking my head, "That's not entirely true."

Her eyes grew inquisitive. "What isn't?"

I reached a hand up to brush a stray hair from her face and sighed. "I let our team down in our match against Hufflepuff. If my head had been in that match at all, we would have won by a landslide and that would have made it nearly impossible for both Slytherin and Ravenclaw to catch up with us now. Our fate was in our hands then and I let it slip right out."

I was slightly dismayed to see a smile creep up on to her lips. "In case you are not aware, this is a team sport, babe," she smirked. "We win as a team, we lose as a team. Don't beat yourself up over one game."

That was a lot easier said than done.

"I'm sorry for being a dick to you," I sighed.

"Don't worry about it. I've gotten somewhat used to it over the years," she teased.

I pouted, which only made her laugh. She then leaned over and kissed me, seconds before the rest of the team strolled up.

"Guess the lovebirds made up," Rose drawled.

"You owe me a galleon," Jax smirked, holding out his hand.

Rose sighed and fished in her pocket for the money before handing it over.

I glared at them. "You two bet on the outcome of our fight?"

"Of course," Rose said with a mere shrug. Grinning, she said, "Now, let's go watch a bloodbath, shall we?"

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"It all comes down to this," Dash announced. "Hufflepuff is mathematically eliminated but the Gryffindor team sits nervously in the stands tonight while the Ravenclaws and Slytherins decide their fate for them."

"Remind me to punch him in the eye later," I muttered.

Alice chuckled, linking her arm in with mine. Her hands were shaking and I had to think that her heart was probably racing as much as mine was. The match hadn't even begun and my heart was rattling forcefully against my ribcage, my cheeks flushed and my mouth dry. Internally, I was freaking out. Externally, I was just trying to showcase some semblance of normalcy, though I had to imagine I was probably failing at that.

"Gryffindor is currently in the lead with 610 points, but Slytherin and Ravenclaw both rest comfortably at 400 and 420 respectively. One of these two teams will secure that spot in the finals tonight with a win. The other has to hope they score more than nearly twenty goals tonight. It's not out of the realm of possibility, and considering both teams know what's at stake, this match could drag on for quite some time adding a lot of points to their total to send both of these teams in for a rematch in the finals."

"Remind me to punch him in the other eye, too," I scoffed.

The rest of my team chuckled as Dash dove into announcing the two teams which was right about when I decided to tune him out.

"Uh, hey, question. Who exactly are we rooting for here?" Fred asked curiously, clearly not listening to Dash either.

I glanced around at the team, all of whom looked surprised at the question. It was only then that I realized never once had any of us contemplated that question. We had been so focused on the numbers and how we could secure our own spot in the finals that it never occurred to us to consider who we'd want to play.

When Fred looked around and realized the surprise in all of our eyes, saw that none of us had an answer to that question, he burst into laughter. Which in turn set me off and then it was a ripple effect with the others until our entire team was in stitches. The surrounding students all sent us looks of bewilderment and annoyance as our laughter now was nearly drowning out Dash's voice.

"How…" I stuttered between laughs, "How did that question never occur to us before now?"

Our laughter only got louder in volume, which had my younger cousin, Lucy, telling us to shut up.

Hey, I never said anyone in our family had manners.

"Okay, let's think logically about this," I said as my laughter died down. "On the one hand, we already beat Ravenclaw and lost to Slytherin so we might have a better shot against Ravenclaw. On the other hand, bloody Jessup and Finch are on Ravenclaw and I only have two words for that: fuck them. On yet another hand, my brother is on Slytherin and I swear if he beats me again, I'm throwing myself off the highest Tower. And on an entirely different hand, if Jessup beats me, I'm throwing _him_ off the highest Tower."

My teammates all stared at me until Jax spoke. "So…you have four hands then?"

I ignored another round of laughter from my team. "I can't choose. Someone else decide."

"My sister is on Ravenclaw," Fred reminded me.

Glancing at him, I said, "Is that a reason to root for them or against them?"

He hesitated. "I literally have no idea."

I glared at him. "Thank you for providing your completely useless opinion once again."

"Well _I'm_ rooting for Slytherin," Rose spoke up firmly. "My best friend is on that team. I can't root against him."

"Ah, I didn't know that you and Malfoy were besties now!" I teased.

I ducked as she attempted to take a swing at me.

"I'm rooting for a low-scoring game," Alice chimed in with a shrug. "At this point, that's the only thing that matters."

Glancing around at the group who were all slowly nodding in agreement, I shrugged and said, "Low-scoring game it is."

And then both teams were in the air and the match began.

It took only fifteen minutes for me to realize that these two teams were out for blood. If I thought Gryffindor had a rivalry with these two teams, it was nothing compared to how they were going at it with each other. Brooks kept egging the Scamader twins on and at one point, every single chaser on the Slytherin team got slammed with an unsuspecting bludger. Reese was taunting the Ravenclaws and throwing them off their game. Isla and Roxanne followed each other everywhere they went. Scorpius was using Callum for target practice. It was getting ugly very quickly.

"There's a good chance one of these players winds up dead today," Fred murmured, wincing as Hattie's arm got clipped by a bludger.

"You're exaggerating," Lily chimed in.

" _Oh!_ " Dash grimaced from the commentator's booth. "Callum Finch takes a bludger to the leg and blood is flying everywhere!"

Lily frowned. "Okay, maybe you're not exaggerating."

Fred merely chuckled as the Ravenclaws called a time-out.

"Oh, how I'd love if that oaf gets pulled from the match," I murmured.

"You're dreaming if you think he'd let that happen," Alice sighed.

She was unfortunately right as the whistle signaled the end of the time-out period and Callum flew into the air.

"Fuck," I groaned.

Slytherin scored. And then Ravenclaw. And then Slytherin again. Ravenclaw's next shot got blocked. Slytherin's next shot got blocked. Ravenclaw scored. Slytherin scored.

"And with that absolutely beautiful goal by Albus, we've got ourselves a 100 to 90 point game with Slytherin in the lead!"

"Ugh, that _was_ a beautiful goal," I groaned. "Damn him."

Alice looked at me with a light chuckle. "He does know his way around a Quidditch pitch. Must run in the family or something."

I made a face but didn't have time to respond as Dash's next words stopped us all short.

"SNITCH IS SPOTTED!" Dash's voice shrieked.

Our entire team got on its feet as we watched Roxanne and Isla share a quick glance before taking off.

"Oh, someone just catch the damned thing!" Fred whimpered.

I found myself silently cheering on Roxanne and knew in that moment that I wanted to play against Ravenclaw in the finals. Slytherin beat us in last year's finals, they beat us in this year's regular season match, and they've been known to beat us in the past. I'd love to take them on and shove a win in their faces but a loss against them would be soul-crushing.

"Roxanne Weasley is there! She's got an inch on Isla Zabini!" Dash screeched. "She's almost—OH! _Logan and Scorpius team up on her and she gets annihilated by two bludgers!_ She loses the snitch! _She loses the snitch!_ "

" _Fuck_!" were the words that spilled out of Fred, Jax, and my mouths simultaneously.

"THE SNITCH HAS DISAPPEARED! THIS IS STILL ANYONE'S GAME!"

With matching groans and sighs of utter resignation, our team dropped back on to the bench to watch the rest of the match unfold.

"You were rooting for Roxanne, weren't you?" Alice's voice spoke quietly beside me.

I glanced over at her, surprised that she picked up on that. "Yeah, I was," I muttered. "Call me a coward, but I'm not interested in another James vs. Albus situation, even if we are on better terms than we ever were before."

Alice leaned over and placed her chin on my shoulder. "That doesn't make you a coward," she said, shaking her head. "We all unfortunately know that Slytherin has a habit of beating us even though we are the better team."

I pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "Thank you for saying that."

She just smiled and leaned over to kiss me before we both returned to watching the match.

"And Weasley and Zabini let the snitch go for a third time in this match!" Dash called out an hour later. " _These two teams are playing to the death_!"

"Fucking hell, I think these teams might actually be sabotaging us," Fred swore.

I had had that very same suspicion after the second time both Roxanne and Isla let the snitch slip out of their fingers. Now that it's happened for a third time, it was no longer just a suspicion.

"They're both looking to make it in the finals and neither are looking to play us," I said.

Glancing around at my team, I could practically see all of our hearts sinking into our stomachs in unison.

"They can't hold out forever," Lily chimed in. "Eventually, that snitch isn't going to disappear anymore. It's going to start taunting them, urging one of them to catch it. And one of those two girls is going to listen."

Let's just hope it's Roxanne.

"Hattie Wilkes soars one past Pruitt, who does _not_ look happy!" Dash cried out. Glancing over at the keeper, I chuckled in slight amusement as he proceeded to scream at his team for being incompetent.

If I was to offer an opinion, the only incompetent one on that team was him.

"And the Slytherins take a bigger lead with 200 points to Ravenclaw's 180!"

"Fuck, fuck, fuck," I moaned into my hands. "Ten more points for Slytherin and they're tied with us and you know what that means."

We all knew what it meant but no one said it aloud.

Because since Slytherin had beat us this year, if our point total winds up tying with them, they would move on to the finals and we wouldn't.

And none of us wanted to think of that possibility.

"Well, uh, maybe we should start rooting for Slytherin to catch the snitch. With them getting that additional 150 points instead of Ravenclaw, we're in," Jax suggested.

I glanced at him and started to really consider that option.

"Ravenclaw only needs to get two more goals before they overtake our lead," Alice spoke softly.

I met her gaze. "And then it won't matter which team wins or loses."

"We're getting ahead of ourselves!" Fred spoke hastily.

"Fred, this match has already lasted four hours," Rose groaned. "Neither of these teams are going to give up now."

" _Stop jinxing it_!"

I just frowned and went back to listening to Dash announce the match for if I didn't, I was fairly certain my heart was going to burst right then and there and someone would be cleaning up my fragmented body off the metal bleachers.

"And Greengrass makes another incredible save! That girl is on fire tonight!"

I'd have to remember to thank her later if this at all goes in our favor.

'If' being the incredibly taunting key word.

"WE'VE GOT ANOTHER SNITCH SPOTTING!"

Our team got up on to its feet again as I cried out, "I DON'T CARE WHO GETS THAT SNITCH BUT SOMEONE BETTER BLOODY CATCH IT!"

There was some amused laughter from some of the spectators behind me but I ignored them as I eagerly watched Roxanne and Isla race towards the snitch.

"Weasley and Zabini are neck and neck as they race across the—oh, shit, Reese lets in a goal! Finch scores! Ravenclaw is up to 190 points!"

" _Oh, you have got to be bloody kidding me_!" I shrieked.

"Weasley and Zabini are weaving through the crowd! That snitch is staying put! It's planted right outside the Slytherin's goalposts just waiting to be captured!"

"It doesn't matter who catches it," Fred spoke gleefully.

" _It does if one more team gets a bloody goal before it's caught_ ," Rose snapped at him.

"I thought I told you to stop jinxing it!"

As if on cue, Dash's voice stopped commentating on the whereabouts of Roxanne and Isla to exclaim, "ALBUS POTTER SCORES ON PRUITT! IT'S 210 TO 190 IN FAVOR OF SLYTHERIN!"

It was as if the loud cheers and the whistles and the excitement faded around us at the realization that Slytherin was tied with our point total. My team and I stood there in silence, frozen in shock and fear. None of us spoke, our faces displaying the horror we felt in our hearts.

Because if Ravenclaw caught that snitch and won, Slytherin would therefore be tied with us and that meant that Gryffindor would not be playing in the finals.

Maybe I wasn't interested in playing against Slytherin in the final but if the other option was not playing at all, bring on another Gryffindor-Slytherin final.

So all at once in a complete frenzy, the entire Gryffindor team started rooting on Slytherin at the top of our lungs.

"COME ON, ISLA!" Rose screeched.

"CATCH THAT SNITCH, ZABINI!" Jax pleaded.

"SLYTHERIN FOR THE WIN!" Cass prayed.

"KNOCK MY SISTER OFF HER FREAKING BROOM IF YOU HAVE TO!" Fred exploded.

"DON'T LET RAVENCLAW CATCH IT!" CJ shrieked.

Alice shouted something and then Hugo followed by Lily. Their shouts and shrieks were a jumbled mess of desperation.

But me? I just stood there motionless, unable to say anything as I watched my Quidditch school days slip out of my own fingers.

I felt regret, scolding myself for not stopping to enjoy the match we played against Slytherin, the last match I may have possibly played as a Hogwarts student.

I felt panic, afraid that I wouldn't get the chance to show the recruiters just what I'm made of, to prove to the world I was meant to be a world-class Quidditch player.

I felt disappointment, upset with myself for not cherishing my final moments on the pitch with Alice and with Fred and with Rose and Hugo and Lily, all the people I grew up playing this game with from when I was just a kid, and with Jax, who I became friends with because of this game, and with Cass and CJ who helped make this year's team one of Gryffindor's finest.

And I felt like crying because it never occurred to me, _not once_ , that everything I worked so hard for could be cut so short, taken away from me in a single moment that I had no control over.

I felt Alice's elbow jab my ribs and I yelped, turning towards her with a quizzical look. " _Isla is gaining on her!_ " she shouted in my ear.

I returned to the reality in front of me as Roxanne zoomed closer and closer to that snitch, with Isla right on her tail. Roxanne swerved to the right when Scorpius sent a bludger her way. Isla ducked as Lorcan hit a bludger at her.

 _Why hadn't I enjoyed my last year more_?

Roxanne and Isla knocked into each other, their brooms shaking in anticipation.

 _Will the recruiters consider me for a starting position without seeing me play again?_

Roxanne dodged a bludger and Isla flew past her.

 _Will I lose out on my chance to play professional Quidditch because of this_?

Roxanne pulled ahead and then Isla did.

 _Will we ever get to prove to everyone that the Gryffindors have the best Quidditch team?_

They were neck and neck, both of their hands stretching out.

 _WILL GRYFFINDOR BE IN THAT FINAL_?

Alice's nails dug sharply into my arm but I barely took notice, the loud thumping off my heart nearly too much to bear as I tuned out Dash's frantic shouting as he attempted to dissect what was happening in front of our very eyes.

Time stopped.

So did my heart.

And then Isla Zabini proudly held the snitch up.

Which meant only one thing.

We did it. We were in. Gryffindor was going to the finals.

I don't think I've ever screamed that loud in my life as Alice practically jumped me, her shrieks causing me temporary deafness as I held on to her tightly. Her legs wrapped around my waist as our screams intertwined, the rest of the team jumping up and down and shouting breathlessly.

"WE'RE GOING TO THE FINALS! WE'RE GOING TO THE FINALS!" Fred's screeches filled the sky.

Dash was screaming into the mic that with the final score of 770 for Slytherin and 610 for Ravenclaw, it would be Slytherin and Gryffindor advancing into the finals, Ravenclaw having missed out on their chance by a single goal.

 _One single goal._

Was luck on our side or what?

I noticed Brooks dismount and chuck his broom across the field, the anger clear in his eyes. I saw Callum try to talk to him but the Captain just stormed off in a huff. And I just grinned. Even though I'd be forced to play against my brother (again), watching Brooks Pruitt lose might have actually been worth it.

The Slytherin side of the stands was loud but it didn't compare to the Gryffindor side. It wasn't just my team who was shrieking in excitement. We had every single Gryffindor on their feet, hooting and hollering, in anticipation of what I knew would be christened the match of the century.

And I knew that when the excitement of today faded, the nervous would all hit us once again that we would be playing a team that always managed to get the upper-hand. But for now, I was going to enjoy this moment for what it was. I couldn't predict the future. I could only live in the present.

I leaned over and planted a kiss against Alice's lips, who eagerly kissed me back and then placed her forehead against mine. "We're going to win," she whispered, ignoring the loud cheers around us. "I can feel it."

I hope so, Alice. I really hope so.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"Congratulations."

The team and I were traipsing back to the castle when I heard the familiar voice. Grinning, I met the pride in my father's eyes. "Oops, I forgot you would be here," I said apologetically. Turning to the rest of the team, I said, "You go on ahead. I'll meet you back in the common room."

"We're going to the finals, Daddy!" Lily said giddily, bouncing up and down on the balls of her feet.

"Yes, I do believe I heard Dash say that," my father chuckled. "How do you feel about playing Slytherin again?"

Lily stopped flailing about and looked at me. "That can of worms is all you, bro," she said, clapping me on the shoulder before chasing after the rest of the team.

I rolled my eyes and turned back to Dad. "I feel like we're going to beat them," I said vaguely.

When I said nothing more, his eyebrow popped up. "That's it? That's all you're feeling?"

I hesitated before shrugging. "I spent so much time worrying about competing with my brother that Quidditch at some point stopped being fun and became a chore instead. But I want to enjoy it again. And I still have one last chance to do so. So of course I want to win. And I know I have a team that can help me do that. But what I really want is to just go out there and have fun and be okay with whatever happens in the end."

My father looked both surprised and impressed. "That's a very mature way of looking at it."

I made a face. "Whoa there, no one said anything about me being mature."

Dad smiled at me. "I'm saying it now."

I met the sincerity in his gaze. "You'll be there rooting for me in the finals, right?"

He hesitated. "Er…well, hm, this is awkward. I've got both my boys going for that final Cup. Any chance you'll let me stay neutral?"

"You also have your daughter going for that Cup," I growled. "Two against one. You've got to root for Gryffindor."

"Maybe I'll wake up very sick on that day. Or maybe I'll be out of town on a business trip. Or maybe some mass murderer will decide to try and take out an entire Muggle village."

My eyebrow popped up. "You're hoping for a mass murderer to take out an entire Muggle village just so you wouldn't have to choose sides?"

"I said maybe a mass murderer will _try_ to take out an entire Muggle village," he argued. "I'd get there just in time to apprehend him and save the day before he can do any real damage."

I stared at him. "There might be something not right in the head with you, Dad."

"Your mother's been saying that for years."

Holding back a laugh, I said, "Root for whoever you want or don't root at all but I promise you, Dad, that it will be Gryffindor winning that Cup in the end."

He hesitated and surreptitiously glanced around him before leaning in to say, "Don't you dare tell your brother this, but I really do hope you get everything you've ever wanted, James. You deserve the Cup after all the hard work you've put into this game."

I grinned triumphantly. "Are you just saying this because you're trying to make up for six years of neglect?"

He sighed. "Are you going to assume that any nice thing I ever do or say to you is for bribing purposes only?"

"Pretty much, yeah."

He chuckled, his head swinging lightly from side to side. "If your brother asks, I'm rooting for him to win, too."

I let out a fake gasp. "Traitor! So much for making up for six years worth of neglect."

My father sighed. "I think you got your mother's overdramatic genes," he drawled. Glancing over his shoulder with a grimace, he murmured, "Er...don't tell her I said that."

I clapped my dad on the shoulder. "You're getting good at this whole keeping-things-from-your-family thing.'

"I'm not keeping things from them. I'm just...not telling them everything," he said with a sheepish grin which only had both of us breaking out in laughter. As his died out, he just shook his head in amusement and said, "Well, go on. Get back to that common room and celebrate the evening away with the rest of your team."

I grinned and after saluting him mockingly, I started to take off towards the castle.

"And hey, James?"

I glanced over my shoulder. "Hm?"

He smiled. "I'm proud of you."

That was the first time in my entire life I actually felt like he meant it.

"You know what?" I said with my own smile. "I'm proud of me, too."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I made it back to the common room about an hour before the first game of the Harpies-Cannons final best-out-of-seven series was expected to start. I walked in on Fred forcing shots down the team's throats and I laughed, swiping the bottle of firewhisky from him and taking one long swig. We continued to drink and we cheered and we danced to forty-five minutes of upbeat music before Fred switched the radio over to the match and blasted it throughout the common room, making it known to everyone that he didn't give a shit if there were people there who weren't interested in listening.

The Harpies-Cannons match went a lot quicker than the Ravenclaw-Slytherin match, ending only after an hour when Cannons seeker, Clyde Franklin, caught the snitch and the Cannons won with a score of 230 to 100. My sister was disappointed but the celebrations continued and she soon got over it.

The music was loud, the drinks were flowing, and the students were energized. You would have thought we had already played in the finals and won the Cup the way we were behaving. I couldn't stop smiling, stealing kisses from Alice every chance I could and playing several drinking games with the guys and taking my female family members for a spin around the dance floor. Neville had come in twice, once at midnight and once again two hours later, to plead with us to get to bed but no one listened. And eventually he told his daughter that if any critical incidents were to occur, he'd hold her personally responsible before walking out for one last time.

We did catch a curtain on fire with a rather animated game of Exploding Drunken Snaps and a table was broken when a bunch of sixth years (including Rose, strangely enough) climbed on top of it to dance to a particularly lively song and the floor became completely stained with spilled alcoholic drinks, but no one was injured, so I considered that a win in my book. And with the help of magic, these incidents were soon forgotten.

At some point in the night, memories evaded me and the next thing I knew, I was waking up on the floor of the common room with Alice curled up beside me. Letting out a groan at the massive headache I was sporting, I took a quick scan of the room. Rose, Jax, Harley, and Jett were somehow all smushed into one couch together, which, for the record, did not look comfortable. Dash was passed out on another couch, his face covered in lewd drawings. I had a feeling I might have been to blame for that; it certainly sounded like something I'd do. Fred was nowhere to be found and I had a feeling he had the good sense to drag himself up to bed. Lily and CJ were looking far too cozy underneath a blanket in the corner of the room with Hugo and Rayne close by. Other students were scattered about and I chuckled to myself, knowing that last night had been one hell of a party.

I winced as Alice stirred, peeking an eye open and looking over at me. "Hi," she murmured.

I draped my arm around her side and pulled her towards me. "Hi," I said, planting a kiss on her lips.

She scrunched her nose up. "You smell like you took a bath in firewhisky."

"You look like a hippogriff tried to plait your hair," I teased right back.

She ran her fingers through her knotty hair and shrugged. "I don't have the energy to care."

"That makes two of us," I said, kissing her nose. "And for the record, you still look beautiful."

She smiled at me and placed her head in the nook of my arm. "Doubtful, but I'll take the compliment," she giggled.

I grinned and leaned over to kiss her once again. Our lips glided tenderly, both of us enjoying the simple affection that came with that early morning moment. As I glanced down at her, her lips curled upward just slightly in appreciation, it suddenly hit me that I wasn't just happy because of Quidditch, I was happy because of her. She was the one thing in my life I got right and I didn't think I'd ever be able to thank her enough for that.

I knew then in the deepest crevice of my heart that I was undeniably in love with her, almost painfully so. My heart ached for her in ways I didn't even think possible. I didn't just want her or love her, I needed her. I needed her in every day because she is the one thing that always kept me alive. When life was crumbling around me, when tragedy struck, when my heart was breaking, she was there to tell me that everything would be okay. And I believed her because I had no reason not to. She made the hard things bearable. She made the tension less tense. She made stress feel stress-free. She could solve all of my problems with a smile or a hug or a dance or a single look. She was the answer to any questions I've ever had. She was everything. She was my everything.

And if there wasn't a world of fear that filled my heart at the very prospect of telling her everything my heart felt, I might have blurted it out right then and there. But every time I even considered it, the fear took over. Fear of losing her. Fear of letting that last piece of my guard down. Fear of giving away my heart. Fear of being reminded why I once thought having a heart was a better way to live. I had never been scared of what was in my mind, it had always been my heart's desires that numbed me. And I wish I could say that Alice had a way of making my fears disappear but unfortunately she only enhanced them.

It was a horrible thing to believe but it only meant that the love I felt for her was even more intense than I realized.

I hoped one day I might stop being a coward. I hoped one day I'd find the strength to tell her just how much she meant to me. I hoped one day the fear and the panic wouldn't take over my heart. One day. But I knew that she wasn't' going anywhere and neither was I. So really, what was the rush? One day I'd be ready to say those three magic words to her, but for now, I was fine with just holding her in my arms and enjoying the moment.

Kissing her forehead, I said, "I realize that we are probably both incredibly hungover and we definitely don't look our best and we're lying on a not-so-comfortable floor, but I have to say, this moment right here? I'm pretty sure it doesn't get better than this."

Her eyes met mine, adoration sparkling vividly in her blue irises, and with a smile, she said, "You know what, Jay? I think you might be right."

And as the rest of the world slumbered around us, I leaned over and sealed that already perfect moment with a kiss.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Alice and I retreated upstairs to my room after that and without bothering to change our clothes, we plummeted into my bed and fell into a deep sleep.

She was gone when I eventually climbed out of bed, just after noon. Glancing over at the other beds in my room, I wasn't surprised to find that both Fred and Dash were completely passed out as well. Parker was awake revising but I paid him no attention as I crawled out of my bed and scurried over to the bathroom, where I proceeded to drown myself in a much-needed shower.

When I emerged from the bathroom, Dash and Fred were quietly moaning with each other about how they were never going to touch firewhisky again.

"I give it a day," I snorted, running a finger through my wet hair and searching for a clean shirt in my trunk.

"Why are you up right now?" Fred whimpered.

"I've got a lot to do today," I said with a shrug. Smelling the navy shirt in my hands and deeming it to be okay, I tossed it over my head.

"The day after an epic Gryffindor all-night rager, _you_ have a lot to do?" Dash drawled in disbelief.

"Yeah, one, I plan on pounding on Jax's bedroom door for a healthy batch of pepperup potion," I tossed back his way.

Dash and Fred exchanged a look. "That might actually be your best plan ever," the latter mused.

Chuckling, I added, "And then I have to get to the library. Besides homing in on what strategies we should use for our final match, I want to finish researching the pros and the cons of each professional Quidditch team. Now that I know we will be in the finals and the recruiters will be there also, I need to figure out which teams actually interest me. And then I plan to write to my top ten teams, pleading with them but not in a desperate way yet in a way that'll convince them that it would be in their best interest to show up at our final match to watch little ol' me in superstardom action. After I head to the Owlery to send off those letters, we've got practice at 6:00 and I don't care if you're hungover, _you will be at practice and you will like it_ , and then of course we've got the second Cannons-Harpies match tonight. Looks like a busy, busy Sunday for me."

Dash and Fred looked at each other once again but it was Parker that spoke up. "As much as I appreciate the play-by-play of your rather pathetic Sunday plans, you could just, oh I don't know, _leave_ without giving us the bloody play-by-play."

I already had a throbbing headache. I did not need Jessup adding to it. With a glare, I said, "Oh, yes, how utterly pathetic of me to have actual future goals while your laughable self will never get a job because let's face it, there isn't a single interviewer out there who won't find you contemptible with just a single look at you."

The glare on his face was one full of fury. "You think you're all that because you can fly on a broom and throw a ball in the air?" he sneered at me. "You're going to wind up some washed-up alcoholic has-been by the time you're twenty-five with not a single job prospect in hand because you never bothered to care about actual academics. Your so-called athleticism can only take you so far, Potter."

"That sounds an awful lot like jealousy, you big-eared, insecure, brown-nosing, pompous _twat_ ," I barked. "Everyone is going to know my name one day and all you will ever be is the scum on someone's shoe."

He looked like he wanted to murder me but slowly collected himself. There was still anger in his eyes but a small smirk came to rest on his lips, one I did not like in the least. "Of course they'll know your name," he cackled. "All you are and all you'll ever be is Harry Potter's son. Don't pretend as if you'll ever make a name for yourself that isn't associated with him because I guarantee that you won't. Like I said, you'll be nothing but a has-been _just like your father_."

I lunged at him. " _Why you little_ -"

"Okay, break it up!" Fred shouted as he and Dash rushed off their bed to drag me away from Parker's bed before I could beat the shit out of him.

" _You will never amount to anything, Jessup_!" I snapped.

"Look who's talking, Potter!"

"James, _go_ ," Fred barked, shoving me towards the door. "Don't pick a fight now. You have too much to lose."

I knew he was right but all I could see was red, wanting nothing more than to bash Parker's skull in and watch as the light faded from his eyes.

Based on the look on his face, he very much felt the same about me.

As I slowly tried to calm myself down, I glared over at the prefect and said, "Maybe I'll be done with Quidditch by the time I'm twenty-five but at least I'll have something to look back on and be proud of. But you? You're going to end up a lonely, unsuccessful, miserable little scumbag with not a single accomplishment in your life to keep you going. Good luck in the future, Jessup, because out of the two of us, you're definitely going to need it."

And with that, I turned on my heels and stormed out.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"Picking fights again, hm?"

I glanced up from the letter I was writing to one of the Australian teams, the Woollongong Warriors, as Alice slid into the seat opposite me. "I was wondering when Fred would blab to you."

She shrugged. "He's not wrong, y'know. You do have too much to lose."

I sighed. "I know. Why do you think I walked away?"

"Because Fred and Dash formed a barrier between you and Parker?"

I hesitated. "Okay, that's one of the reasons."

She chuckled. "Just be careful, Jay," she said, her voice unexpectedly tender. "There are a lot of people in this school who are out to get you and they'll stop at nothing to see you fail."

I blinked in surprise as I gaped at her. "What are you…" I trailed off with a light shake of my head.

"People are already talking," she pleaded. "Pruitt wants your head on a platter. Finch is already bragging about how you'll be the next one shoved down the stairs. Sadie is boasting about sharing insider strategic information with your brother. And Parker would love to see you lose once again. You've made a lot of enemies over the years, Jay. And I guarantee they'll be out for blood."

Her words should have perhaps frightened me, if even just a bit, but all they did was further motivate me. "Do you know what all of those people have in common?" I drawled.

She sighed. "What?"

" _They're losers_."

She frowned. "Jay-"

"And I don't mean that in the oh-they're-pathetic-and-sad-and-cowardly kind of loser, though that isn't wrong either. I mean that in the _they-literally-lose-everything-they-do_ kind of way. Finch and Pruitt have never won the Cup and only made it to the finals once. Sadie is nothing but a spiteful quitter. Parker can't keep a girl around to save his life. They have nothing and they are nothing and I am not scared of any of them."

I could see the flicker of irritation in her eyes. "I never said you should be scared of them," she pleaded. " _I'm just asking you not to go looking for a fight with any of them_."

Concern was dripping from her every word and in a way, I understood completely. I had worked so hard to get to where we were and we both knew how devastated I'd be if something happened to take it away from me. She was just looking out for me the way she always has been.

"I won't," I said, reaching across the table for her hand. "The only thing I'm focused on right now is that final match. Nothing else matters to me."

She offered me a lopsided smile.

Hesitating, I added, "Oh, except you."

She looked at me and laughed. "Nice save," she teased, leaning over the table to kiss me. "So you doing anything important right now or do you want to follow me back to my room where we can celebrate Gryffindor being in the final the proper way?"

My eyebrow rose as I met the suggestive look on her face. "Ohhh, I so want to do that," I moaned as I glanced down at my Quidditch research. "But any chance I could take a rain check for tonight?"

She blinked. "Holy shit, are you actually turning down sex?"

"I know, I'm just as surprised as you are," I whined, "But I really want to get these letters out today."

"Letters?"

I explained that I was in the middle of researching the top teams and was planning to write to them and request their recruiting presence at our final match.

When I was done, she reached over and seized my list of pros and cons, skimming through it. "There are a ton of good prospects on here."

I nodded.

"Cannons appear to be the number one choice."

I met her gaze slowly before offering her another nod.

"Is it _your_ number one choice?" she asked softly.

I wish I had an easy answer to that but I didn't. "I don't know," I murmured. "I still don't know if staying in England is really what I want. But…I don't know if leaving is what I want either."

I could practically see the thousands of questions mulling about in her head but she just handed me back the list and said, "You'll figure it out, Jay. You always do."

I certainly hoped so.

"That's it?" I moaned. "That's your great advice?"

Her upper lip twitched. "There's no advice to give here, Jay. I think you know what you want but sometimes, we're just too afraid to want it. But I can't want it for you. This is your life. You need to live it the way you feel is right."

I had a feeling she was subtly telling me that I've wanted to be a Cannon for my entire life so why was I throwing away that dream now? And she's be right to wonder that because it was something I was wondering, too. But so much of me was still so interested in exploring a new world elsewhere, in finding a way to be a version of me that no one had ever seen before. But could I do that, could I actually become something while practically living in my own backyard, a backyard that was built by my father and not me?

I wish I had the answers but I didn't. I just hoped I'd get them soon.

"All I want," I spoke hesitantly, "Is you."

She met my gaze. A smile appeared. "I appreciate you saying that but we both know you want more than that."

I paused. "You wearing nothing but a whipped cream bikini?"

I ducked as she tossed a closed inkwell at my head.

"Good luck getting me naked later now," she smirked as she pulled herself out of the chair and started to walk away.

"I'll bring the whipped cream!" I called out after her.

I could have sworn I heard her laughing as she walked out.

I continued with my research once she was gone. I dwindled down my prospective teams to the top ten, four of which were in the UK and six that were not. It seemed like a well-balanced list of teams, all of whom had many winning titles to their name along with an impeccable list of accolades, and I would be lucky to be a chaser on any of them.

I started on my letters, talking myself up in a tactful way and suggesting they stop by our final match to see me in action. Asking the teams in England to do so was easy. Asking those outside of the nation to make the long trek to the mountains of Scotland was more of a gamble. I had been at enough finals—whether playing in them or watching from the stands—to know that most of the recruiters came from local teams, mainly the British and Irish teams with the occasional French or Italian team thrown in if they were really interested in drafting someone. Most of the overseas teams don't go hunting for talent in the European pool of players when most of those players wind up on European teams, which is why if I really was seriously considering moving away from England, I had to be the one to search for interest.

 _If_ I was seriously considering moving away.

Which I still wasn't sure I was.

I was halfway through that last letter when the next interruption occurred.

"And so we meet again."

I glanced up from the letter with a frown as Albus strolled up to my table. "Only because you walked up to my table."

He rolled his eyes. "Not what I meant."

I looked at him. "I know."

Hesitance flitted across his eyes before he pulled a chair out and sat down.

I was really hoping he wouldn't do that.

"What do you want, Al?" I sighed.

He frowned and turned away from me with a sigh. "I don't want you to hate me again, James."

Those words threw me for a loop. " _What_?"

His lips pursed but his eyes remained away from mine. "If you don't get that Cup, and I'm not sitting here saying that you won't, but if we win, I don't want it to be the reason that you start resenting me again."

I could see the true concern in his eyes and I felt guilty for knowing that I had always been the cause of that. "I can't say I'd completely enjoy watching you get another win, especially with my last chance to do so, but I won't hate you for it," I spoke softly. "It's just a game, Al."

He looked at me, his mouth parting in clear skepticism. "'It's just a game, Al?'" he repeated in clear disbelief. "The guy who has singlehandedly made his obsession with the sport his entire life is telling me now it's just a game?"

I grinned sheepishly. "What can I say? I've matured."

"Really? I don't see it."

I rolled my eyes. "Hardy har har," I spoke sarcastically. Glancing at him seriously, I added, "Look, the next article that comes out in the _Prophet_ is going to go crazy for a brother vs. brother rematch. They'll cover the drama of it all all on their own so I have no reason to add to that. And more importantly, I don't want to. So how about I focus on my team, you focus on yours, and in the end, may the better team win. That's all there is to it."

His eyes narrowed suspiciously. He appeared to be thinking over my words, clearly looking for a lie in my words, but seeing as I meant every one of them, I wasn't at all surprised that he came up blank himself.

"That's it?" he eventually said.

I shrugged. "That's it."

He still looked unconvinced but he pulled himself out of the chair anyway. With a nod, he turned towards me hesitantly and said with an unexpected smile, "Well, whatdya know. Maybe you have matured."

While he walked away, all I could do was grin.

That was the last thing I remembered before waking up in a hospital bed with every inch of my body screaming in pain.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

 **A/N:** I loved all the cutesy stuff in this chapter. I bet you did too right before I dropped that final cliffhanger in your lap. Yes, I'm aware just how evil I am.

Next up: WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED


	38. Falls Apart

**A/N:** Okay, yes, last chapter's cliffhanger was very, very wrong. So let's get to the answers to your questions, shall we?

* * *

 **A WAY WITH WORDS**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 38: Fall Apart

 _"I cracked my head and broke my heart._  
 _And I don't feel the need to go on_  
 _I was happier singing along the way_  
 _I had things I needed to say_  
 _But now, it's like a swallowed tape_  
 _That hopes up my face from inside_  
 _As everything just falls apart_  
 _'Cause everything just fell apart for me."_  
-Hurt

 **XOXOXOX**

* * *

As my eyes fluttered open, I slowly became aware of several things at once.

My head was fucking killing me.

My limbs were throbbing in pain.

I was not in my own bed.

My dad was sleeping in a chair by my bed.

 _My head was fucking killing me._

I blinked a few times, trying to figure out where I was or what happened. I solved the first mystery rather quickly when it became clear I was in the hospital wing. The second mystery remained elusive.

The explosion of pain in my head made it nearly impossible to think but I shut my eyes, squeezing them tightly as I tried to remember how I ended up there. Still, the memory didn't emerge. The last thing I remembered was being in the library drafting letters to overseas recruiters. And then after that, everything was blank.

 _How did I go from the library to a hospital wing bed_?

I tried sitting up but that somehow made the pain throughout my body scream out in terror so I, too, let out a strangled cry, squeezed my eyes shut tightly, and rest my head back against my pillow with a sad moan.

" _James_?"

I reopened my eyes at the familiar voice, turning to my left as Mum suddenly appeared. I stared at her, confused by her presence. "What are you…" the words got caught in my throat, the rest of that question as to what she was doing here unable to be spoken. The pain exploding in the back of my head was so excruciating, I was certain I'd pass out. It felt like someone had put my head into a vice grip and was tightening it as hard as they could manage, the pressure inside my head building up by the second. It was unlike anything I had ever experienced.

I was confused when I saw tears shining in my mother's eyes. I managed to croak out a single word. "Mum?"

She wiped the tears from her eyes and leaned over to press a kiss to my forehead. "Oh, _James_ ," she whispered, in such a desperate way that it almost frightened me. "Let me go get Madam Clearwater."

" _Mum_ " I tried pleading again but again, words seemed impossible as she scurried away.

I tried glancing around at my surroundings but the smallest movement of my head caused an unsettling nausea to form so I just shut my eyes and tried to focus on taking small breaths. My arms and my legs felt both incredibly heavy and numb, a tingling sensation making its way up my spine, but that pain was nothing compared to the firestorm inside my screeching head.

"James?"

My eyes drifted open and I met the concern in Madam Clearwater's eyes. "Mm?" I mumbled.

"On a scale of one to ten, can you tell me your pain level?"

One fucking thousand!

If I could actually speak, I probably would have said something like that. Seeing as moving my mouth was almost unbearable, I flashed her all ten fingers. And then I flashed them again and again to prove my point. As I did so, I noticed several scars and bruises along my hands and arms and once again wondered _what the hell happened_.

I saw the tears reflecting in Mum's eyes again as Madam Clearwater quickly shuffled away. When she returned, she had a beaker in her hand. "Duramorph potion," she explained. "This will minimize the pain you're feeling."

"Yay" I squeaked out and then regretted it when another sharp pain shot through the back of my head.

A sad chuckle fell from Mum's lips as Madam Clearwater poured the potion into a glass with a straw. She brought it to my lips and I sipped it slowly. I had expected it to taste horribly but it actually tasted like lemons and mint. It hurt to swallow and to breathe but I forced it down if that meant the pain in my head could just go away.

It took about ten minutes to sink in and then I told Madam Clearwater I was down to a pain level of five. She seemed to think that was reasonable. My throbbing head at a pain level of five wasn't completely convinced.

"I need to ask you a few questions now," she spoke as she stood at the foot of my bed.

"What am I doing here?" I cut her off before she could ask.

She and Mum shared a look. One that I didn't like. So I changed the subject. "Okay, another question," I mumbled, glancing over to where Dad still lay quietly. "How has he not woken up yet? We haven't exactly been quiet."

Glancing up at Mum, her cheeks turned a light shade of pink. "Er…well, he hasn't been sleeping so I might have slipped him a sleeping draught."

I laughed. Or at least tried to laugh. Laughing made my head hurt.

"Can you tell me your name?" Madam Clearwater said.

I blinked. "Seriously?"

"Please," she said with a smile.

"Lily Potter."

She looked at me, alarmed, before realizing I was joking. Even Mum was trying to hold back a laugh at that one. "James, as much as I appreciate the fact that you've still got your humor, could you try to answer these seriously?"

I grinned but nodded.

"Name please."

"James Sirius Potter."

"How old are you?"

"Eighteen."

"You're a member of which House?"

"Gryffindor."

"What position do you play in Quidditch?"

"Chaser."

"Do you know where you are?"

"Hospital wing, though I'm not sure why."

"What day of the week is it?"

"Sunday."

That question earned me tense silence which I did not like one bit.

"What?" I asked, my eyes darting back and forth between the two of them. "It's Sunday. If you want to know the actual day, I don't know if I could do that. April 19th? Maybe 20th? Something like-"

"James," Mum spoke, the word hoarse against her tongue.

I turned towards her, recognizing an unbearable amount of sadness in her eyes. "What?"

She shared a look with Madam Clearwater who offered her a curt nod before Mum turned back to me. "It's Tuesday."

I immediately shook my head, which caused a sharp pain to filter through the back of my head resulting in a grimace. "No," I croaked out. "I was just in the library drafting letters to recruiters an hour ago or so."

"Do you remember anything that happened after you were in the library?" Mum asked quietly.

Irritation flickered in my eyes as I glanced up at her before fading into disbelief. "Well, no, but…" I trailed off, realizing I didn't have an argument.

The two of them exchanged another look and I wanted to scream at them to stop doing that. But before I could, Mum started to speak.

"Something happened to you, James," she whispered.

When she said nothing more, I sighed. "Yes, Mum, this hospital bed was kinda the first clue. The second clue is the _excruciating pain in my head_. I'm fairly certain I don't need a third clue."

Her bottom lip trembled in a way that really frightened me for vulnerability wasn't something I saw from her every day. "You were attacked," she said softly, reaching up to brush hair away from my face. "Near the Owlery. A combination of hexes and physical harm. You've been unconscious for thirty-five hours. We didn't know if you were going to wake-"

"Stop," I interrupted pleadingly. I didn't dare shake my head again but I wanted to. "You're lying. That…that can't be."

"James-"

"I'd remember that!" I pleaded, my words getting caught in my throat because even as I spoke, I knew that the bruises and the cuts and the sheer agony I felt didn't come from me hanging out in the library.

Neither of them said anything, but the tears sprang to Mum's eyes again so I could only imagine how scared she must have been.

"By who?" I begged.

The two women exchanged a hasty look but said nothing.

" _Who did this_?" I barked.

"We don't know," Mum spoke softly. "Professor McGonagall has her suspicions but no one has come forward."

"Then just look for someone who has his own set of scrapes and bruises because there's no way I came out like this and he's out there without any injuries himself!"

More tears appeared in Mum's eyes. "Without proof or a witness or a confession, there's not much we can do."

My glare subsided into a look of sheer desperation. I let out a hefty sigh and said, "So that's why you want me to remember what happened. Because you need someone to point fingers at."

"No," she whispered. "Actually, I don't want you to remember at all, James."

I blinked. "What?"

Her bottom lip trembled. "What happened to you was horrifying and sickening and disgusting. I would never want you to have to relive that."

I felt my own unexpected tears spring to the back of my eyes but I squeezed my eyes shut tightly, refusing to let them fall. I strained myself trying to think of the moment after the library, where I went, what I did, who I saw. I had to have gone to the Owlery. I had to have sent out my letters. I had to have been attacked on my way back. Or…

What if I never made it to the Owlery? What if those letters never got sent out? What if the recruiters never received them?

Oh, for Merlin's sake. How could I be worrying about Quidditch right now when I just found out someone jumped me in the hallway?

Then again, when wasn't I worrying about Quidditch?

In thinking about Quidditch, a sudden thought occurred to me that had me growling in irritation. "You want to know who did this to me? I have three guesses for you: _Brooks Pruitt, Brooks Pruitt, and Brooks bloody Pruitt_."

The two of them did that whole sharing look thing again, this time one filled with hesitation and uneasiness.

" _What_?" I snapped at them.

"Nothing," Madam Clearwater spoke a little too quickly.

My eyes narrowed and I realized I already knew what they weren't saying. "Let me guess," I sneered, " _He looks like someone who just got into a bloody fist fight._ "

"Stop cursing at us, James," Mum pleaded. "As I've already said, we have no proof. And believe me, I made a huge stink about it with Headmistress McGonagall already. The boy has been questioned but he denies everything, says he got into a little wrestling match with a friend of his."

"He's lying!"

"We don't know that."

I glared at her. " _I_ know that!"

"And until you can provide us with a memory or proof, there's nothing we can do," she whispered.

I wanted to scream, to throw something at her, to cause a scene. But the pain in my head was too much to do anything of that so I just cried out, "This is _bullshit_!"

"I know," she whispered. "Believe me, James, your father and I have spent the last day yelling at every professor in sight that they failed at their job of protecting their students. Your father scolded Minerva for letting this happen on her watch. He told her they fought in a war to give their children a better life and yet, in the halls of what is supposed to be one of the safest places in the wizarding world, his own son nearly died. You were supposed to be protected inside these castle walls, especially after what happened with me. And you weren't and that's horrible and sickening and unacceptable. There is nothing you can say right now that we haven't already said."

I felt defeated and broken, my gaze wandering over to where my father lay hunched up on the chair, a blanket tossed haphazardly over his shoulders. After our heart-to-heart in St. Mungo's, I had come to the realization that he had loved me all along but I was still coming to terms with all the things we had kept from each other for so long, all the emotions and feelings we had been too afraid to say. It wasn't all that surprising to see him there. But it was surprising to hear that he was yelling on my behalf at a woman he had spent so many years respecting and revering.

But I suppose that's what dads do when their sons are in a two-day coma.

"Okay" was all I said because what else was there to say?

"Get some rest," Mum whispered, leaning over to press another kiss to my forehead. "We'll all be here when you wake up."

I sighed and then glanced up at her curiously. "All?"

She smiled at me and pointed to the closed curtain to my left. "Alice is sleeping in the bed next to you. She hasn't left your side since the moment Fred told her what happened. Fred and your sister and Rose and Jackson and Dash were all here, too, but Madam Clearwater kicked them out."

"They were crowding up the hospital wing!" Madam Clearwater scoffed.

Mum chuckled and nodded. "I know."

The nurse rolled her eyes. "Like your mother said, James, get some rest. I'll be back in a few hours to administer another dosage of duromorph and reexamine your wounds. Just call out to me if you need anything before then, okay?"

She disappeared around the curtain.

I glanced back over at Dad. "You going to wake him up?"

She looked over at her husband, her forehead creasing with worry. "Not yet," she said softly. "He didn't sleep for thirty hours straight. He needs this."

I just nodded. "Did you drug Alice with a sleeping draught, too?"

She chuckled sheepishly and shook her head. "No, but there is a silencing charm around your bed. Too many students were trying to pop in in an attempt to figure out what happened. Madam Clearwater thought we could use some privacy," she said with an awkward shrug.

"Can you wake Ace up?" I pleaded.

She hesitated. "You do really need some sleep, James."

"I just had thirty-five hours of sleep apparently. I could go a few minutes without some more."

She shot me a look. "It's amazing the things you can joke about," she sighed. With a wink, she disappeared behind the curtain. I could hear her on the other side of the curtain in a soft whisper. Minutes later, the curtain was pushed aside and Alice stood there with tear-filled awe in her eyes.

"Gee, do I look that bad?" I croaked out with a small smile.

The tears streamed down her face as she rushed over to me, hovering over me to give me an awkward hug. I winced when her arms rubbed up against a particularly painful fragment of my side. "Oh!" she cried out, pulling back. "Shit, am I hurting you?"

I reached my hand up and cradled her neck. "It's a good kind of pain," I whispered, lifting my head off my pillow and drawing myself towards her. I kissed her then and never had a kiss tasted so sweet.

"C'mere," I urged, scooting over to the right and patting the bed beside me.

"I don't want to hurt-"

"You won't," I cut her off.

She smiled sadly and pulled herself on to the bed, curling her body into mine. She fit so perfectly and I drew comfort from her when she placed her head gently on my shoulder. I wrapped my arm around her tightly, ignoring the slight twinge of soreness from my shoulder, and kissed the top of her head.

"I was so scared," Alice whispered.

I just nodded because I could have said 'I know' but the truth was, I didn't know. I didn't have a clue what anyone must have been thinking or feeling as I lay comatose in a hospital bed for thirty-five hours. A part of me wanted to know what I was attacked with and how because I knew it had to be bad if it forced me in a vegetative state for so long. The other part of me didn't want to know at all.

"Fred was the one who found you."

The hairs on my arms stood up as I stared down at her. "What?" I choked out.

"When you didn't show to practice, he took a look at the Map—oh yeah, your parents now know you have the Map because Fred had to tell everyone how he found you—and he-"

"Oh, great, so I have that lecture to look forward to," I murmured.

"-he saw that you were hanging out in the Owlery wing but you weren't moving, which he thought was strange. So he went off looking for you and found you under…" she trailed off.

"Found me under what?" I dared to ask.

Tears shone in her eyes again. "He said the wall was completely blasted off and he found you under a pile of rubble. You weren't moving," she murmured. "I've never seen Fred cry before, but he was a mess in the hospital wing. We both were."

I should have felt touched but it only made me wonder exactly what state I must have been in for Fred to feel so helpless that he succumbed to tears in public.

"I'm okay, Ace," I said feebly. "I'm here. I'm alive."

She looked up at me and nodded. "You're alive," she whispered before pressing her lips to mine.

When we pulled apart, I rested my cheek against her hair with a smile. The silence enveloped us as we both tried to drift off to sleep. My eyes were closed and I could feel myself nearing sleep mode when a sudden thought occurred to me.

"How are the Cannons doing in the series?"

Alice glanced up at me and burst into laughter. "I love that that's what you're concerned about right now," she chuckled. "Cannons are up 2 games to 0."

I grinned.

And all was right with the world again.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

When I woke next, I could see light peering in from the windows above so I must have slept a few extra hours. Alice was still there curled up next to me, which made me smile. And as my eyes fluttered open, I saw Fred sitting crosslegged at the end of my bed.

I yelped at the surprise visitor, shooting him a glare. "Way to be totally creepy, mate."

He merely grinned. Before he could say anything, Alice stirred in my arms and peeked an eye open. "Why hello there, Freddo."

"Did you know that you snore in your sleep, AliCat?"

She pointed to the door. "Get out."

He laughed. "Funny, I was going to suggest the same to you," he smirked. "Class is in ten minutes."

"I haven't showered in two days so I hardly think I'll be attending class at the moment."

"Oh, so that's what that smell is."

She grabbed the pillow behind us and threw it at him. He caught it and laughed while my head swung back towards the second pillow, a sharp pain cutting across the back of my head. " _Ow_."

Alice winced. "Oh, shit, are you okay?"

"Way to reinjure your boyfriend, AliCat."

She pointed to the door again. " _Out_."

Fred tossed the pillow back. "How about instead you go do us all a favor and shower?"

Alice was clearly ready to strike back but there was a look of pleading in Fred's eyes, one I was not accustomed to seeing, that clearly had her reconsidering. With a frown, she glanced at me, offered me a quick kiss, and climbed off the bed. "I'll be back in an hour," she said to me.

"Skiving off class, Head Girl?" I teased. "How rebellious of you."

She rolled her eyes and disappeared towards the door.

I glanced over to the chair on my right and noticed it was empty. At some point, Dad must have woken up and left.

"He's outside talking to Clearwater," Fred said, following my gaze.

I glanced back up at Fred. "Why did you want to get rid of Ace?"

Fred didn't say anything, but the despair in his eyes did not go unnoticed. He opened his mouth and then closed it, words clearly escaping him. His expression grew grim as he folded his arms helplessly across his chest. Staring down at the cheap blanket on my bed, he murmured, "I thought you were dead, James."

My heart skipped a beat. "I'm not."

"Yeah, but I thought you were," he whispered desperately.

My heart sunk into my chest at the raw panic in his voice, the guilt for having to put him through that nearly too much to bear. "I'm sorry."

He shook his head. "There's nothing for you to be sorry for," he spoke. "I just…I…you looked so…I didn't know…"

As he struggled to find the right words, I just looked at him and said, " _I'm okay, Fred_. Everything's okay."

He turned away from me, his bottom lip trembling.

I decided a joke was necessary at that moment. "I heard you were sobbing like a little baby."

Fred shot me a look, a scowl on his face. "I was not!" he scoffed.

"That's what I heard, mate," I teased.

He cracked a smile but it disappeared quickly. "Yeah, well, I thought my best friend was dead," he muttered.

Well, that backfired.

" _I'm fine, Fred_ ," I spoke in a pleading tone. "I'm alive. That's all that matters."

He just nodded and I could see he was desperate to change the subject. "Your mother says you don't remember anything."

I shook my head. "No," I muttered and then my eyes narrowed. "Tell me, Freddo," I spat out bitterly. "How is Pruitt looking these days?"

He turned towards me sharply, the anger evident in his eyes. "Not so well, Jameso," he hissed. "He's sporting a black eye and has suspicious cuts all over his arms. Much like yours strangely enough. What's even more interesting is Finch has the same damned cuts and there is not a bloody chance in hell that they got those cuts _from a wrestling match_."

I met the fury in my cousin's eyes and said, "Please tell me you retaliated."

He frowned. "Neville told me if I did, he'd make sure I wouldn't play in the Quidditch finals and since we're already down a player, I knew I couldn't do-"

"What?" I cried out. "Who the hell isn't playing in that final match?"

He froze, his mouth parting and his eyes widening. He said nothing as I stared at him in anticipation, waiting for him to give me an answer.

" _Well_?" I snapped at him.

Guilt splashed across his expression as he turned his gaze away from me, a soft sigh escaping his lips.

And in that moment, even though he didn't say the words aloud, it dawned on me that he was referring to me.

"No," I whispered.

He hung his head.

" _No_!" I shouted, pulling myself upright. "That match is still four weeks away! I'll be fine by then!"

"James-"

" _I'm playing in that match, Fred!"_

Before he could say anything, a pair of heads appeared at the foot of my bed. "What's with all the yelling?" Dad asked.

I guess they lifted the silencing charm.

"Why is Fred under the impression that I might not be playing in the final Quidditch match?" I barked, sending simultaneous glares at Dad and Madam Clearwater.

The look they shared sent a chill down my spine.

"I'm sorry," Fred murmured to my father as he slowly climbed off the end of my bed. "I-I didn't realize no one told him."

" _Told me what_?" I hissed.

"It's not your fault, Fred," Dad said, clapping him on the back. "We knew we couldn't keep this from him for very long."

" _KEEP WHAT_?" I shouted.

"Please calm down, James," Dad pleaded as Fred discretely disappeared towards the door and walked away.

"I've just been told that there's a chance I might not be playing in that final match, _the culmination of everything I've worked for since the very first day I made the bloody team_ , and you want me to _calm the fuck down_? YOU'VE GOT BE OUT OF YOUR DAMNED MIND!"

"James, we're not asking you to calm down, we are telling you," Madam Clearwater pleaded. "Your brain is still healing and stress or tension of any kind can cause an increase in swelling."

"I don't care about my damned brain, I care about playing Quidditch!" I shrieked, though as if on cue, a sharp pain hit the back of my neck and trickled down my spine.

Clearwater shared a glance with my father, who sighed and said, "James, the reason you were unconscious for so long is because the damage that was done to the back of your head caused your brain to bleed and in turn, swell up. That was cutting off the oxygen coming through your brain stem. And-"

"Yeah, and now I'm not unconscious," I drawled. "So what does any of this have to do with a match that isn't for another four weeks?"

There was another pause and I wanted to throw something at both of them. " _Well_?" I snapped.

My father winced before speaking. "You have a severe concussion, James," he spoke softly. "And unfortunately, one of the only things that cannot be magically fixed is a concussion. The only thing that works is time. You'll have to say here in the hospital wing for a few days for close monitoring. And once you're release, it'll take another five or six weeks for your brain to fully heal."

My entire body went numb. I knew the consequences of a concussion as I had been subject to one before. They demanded a considerable amount of physical and mental rest to avoid any further health complications.

But if they thought I was going to miss the finals to avoid a headache or two, they were very mistaken.

Because this final match wasn't just for a Gryffindor win. It wasn't just for a trophy. It wasn't just for pride. _This final match was for my future_. I only had one chance left to show the recruiters what I was made for. One chance left to show the world this was what I was meant to do. One chance to prove to myself and to my family that one day, I'd be a Quidditch legend. _One. Chance_.

"I'll take it easy," I spoke, an air of desperation in my words. "I won't partake in practices and I'll spend all of my free time resting up. I can cut back on class—I don't need it to complete my revisions. I'll do what I need to do to rest. _But you cannot tell me not to be in that final match_."

My dad cleared his throat. "Actually," he said softly, "We can. The Headmistress and Neville and Madam Hooch have already been informed that you have not and will not be medically cleared to play in that match. I'm so sorry, James."

The color drained from my face.

" _No_ ," I pleaded.

"I'm sorry, James. I really am. But the stress of playing in that game alone could be fatal," he pleaded. "The mental and physical strain on the body during any match is demanding. Not to mention there are bludgers flying everywhere and God forbid you get hit with one. You can't take that risk, James. Your health has to come first."

"Yeah, well, of course you'd bloody say that, you don't give a shit about me playing Quidditch," I snapped at him unexpectedly.

The surprise his eyes was overwhelming. "That is not true, James, and you know it," he spoke softly. "I'm sorry that this had to happen, but-"

"Stop bloody telling me you're sorry!" I hissed at him. " _You're not sorry._ This is what you wanted all along! Take James out of the game, show him there has to be more to life than Quidditch, right?"

Sadness reflected in his eyes. "I never wanted this."

"Oh, please, like you care how I ended up here," I scoffed. "I bet you're thrilled right now, all of my Quidditch dreams coming to a crashing halt before they could even start. You can tell me over and over again that you love me and you care about me but we both know that what you never cared about were my Quidditch dreams."

" _That is not true, James_."

I ignored him. "So go ahead and gloat, Dad. Go ahead and tell me that you were right and I was all wrong all these years. _Go ahead and say 'I told you so_!'" I shouted, everything inside of me exploding with frantic frustration, including the back of my head that was now throbbing with uncontrollable pain. "You wanted me to stay in England, right? _Well here's your goddamned wish."_

This time, Madam Clearwater spoke up. "James, _please_ ," she scolded. " _You have to calm down_. Your health depends on it."

"Oh, screw you," I snapped at the nurse.

" _James!_ " my father scolded.

"Don't preach to me about my _health_ ," I sneered. "Screw my health. What do I even have to live for anymore?"

The horror in my father's eyes was alarming.

But I didn't care.

I was livid and I wasn't afraid to let everyone know it.

"Quidditch was the only thing I had," I whispered desperately. " _It was my only future_. And now it's completely unknown. Everything I ever worked for, _gone_. So who bloody cares if my concussion heals or not? Who cares what happens to me?"

" _Don't you dare say that_ ," Dad whispered right back. "You have friends who care. A girlfriend that cares. _A family who cares_. You have something to live for, James. Don't you dare give up on us now."

"That's rich coming from a guy who was so willing to give up on his own son just a few months ago," I drawled.

More horror appeared in his eyes. "James-"

"Just go, Dad," I growled. "Leave me the hell alone. I'm giving you full permission to just give up on me now, too."

He stood there, embarrassed and stunned. Madam Clearwater looked incredibly uncomfortable as she found a spot on the floor to look at it. And me? I turned on my side, forcing my back on them and shutting them out.

"I'm not going anywhere, James," he whispered. "I know how much this must be killing you but the thing that might actually kill you is Quidditch and I am not willing to risk your life for the game."

"Yeah, well maybe I am," I growled into my pillow.

"Please don't say that," he begged. "I am so sorry that this is happening-"

"I told you to stop telling me that you're sorry! What the fuck is sorry going to do?" I snapped, whirling around to glare at him.

" _James_ -"

I cut him off again. "Why the hell are you even still standing there?" _I told you to go_."

"And I told you that I'm not going anywhere," he whispered.

"Fine, then I will," I hissed as I pulled myself out of the bed and quickly rushed off towards the bathroom, ignoring the pain that exploded in my head with every step I took.

"What do you— _where you are going_?"

I ignored him as I pulled open the door and slammed it behind me. I locked it and pressed myself against the back of the door with a breathless sigh.

"James," he pleaded, tapping on the door gently. "Please come out."

I squeezed my eyes shut, willing him to walk away as I slid down the door until I was sitting on the floor like the pathetic soul I had become.

"I'm sorry if you ever felt like I didn't care about Quidditch or your dreams," he spoke, his words barely audible through the door. "But it's not true. I cared because you cared. I want you to go after your dreams. I want you to get everything you've ever wanted. I want you to be happy. But right now, your health has to come first, son. I know this feels like the end of the world, but it's not. _It's not_ , do you hear me?"

He kept talking but I tuned him out, trying to think of anything else except that moment. I transported myself to another time, another world, where I had flown off into the horizon and never turned back, to live a life of a content nomad, never settling down in one place for too long and never allowing myself to be tied down by anything or anyone. I imagined a world of freedom, instead of one where I felt trapped in my own useless body. I fantasized about true happiness and joy, a lifetime of smiles instead of frowns. And I pictured a life far away from Hogwarts because the only thing that castle apparently could give me was failure.

At some point I became aware that Dad was no longer standing on the other side of the door and so I picked myself off the floor, opened the door, and returned to my little bed of hell.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Alice stopped by a little while later but I pretended to be asleep. Later that same day, my sister and Rose showed up but I pretended to be asleep. Dash and Jax and Fred were next but still, I pretended to be asleep.

And eventually I told Madam Clearwater to just turn everyone away.

I heard Alice pleading with the nurse the next morning, I could practically hear the tears in her voice, and if I was a better person or in a better place, I might have felt guilty. But I was too busy feeling numb to feel anything else.

Maybe I was being selfish by turning everyone away, but the pain in my heart was even more unbearable than the pain in my head. And the last thing I wanted was to pretend everything was okay when it wasn't. And I really didn't need anyone else trying to tell me otherwise.

For thirteen years, I loved Quidditch. I loved everything about it – the smell of the fresh air, the feeling of the quaffle tucked safely under my arm, the taste of victory, the adrenaline and the competition, that feeling of my heart racing every time I watched my team score a goal, that feeling of butterflies in my stomach right before a match was set to start, the sound of cheers and applause, the camaraderie of my teammates, their support and encouragement. Quidditch was the one thing in my entire life that had never let me down.

Until now.

The upcoming Quidditch final was thirteen years in the making. Thirteen years of blood, sweat, and tears. Thirteen years of passion and heart. Thirteen years of hard work and dedication. Thirteen years of love for the game. And the game has finally failed me. Thirteen years and I had nothing to show for it. I wouldn't be able to feel the quaffle under my arm or smell that fresh Quidditch air. I wouldn't feel any adrenaline or butterflies. I wouldn't be able to taste victory or absorb the camaraderie from my teammates. There would be no support, no encouragement, no cheers or applause in my honor, and I wouldn't get to feel the intense competitive nature of that win-it-or-lose-it final match of my Hogwarts career. And what I definitely wouldn't get was the recruiters' attention. And that somehow made me missing that final match that much more heartbreaking.

I knew in the smallest crevice of my mind that my dream of playing professional Quidditch wasn't completely over yet. Recruiters had been at previous finals that I played in. And there was a chance that some of them had appeared at other matches throughout the year. I had old match recordings I could send them. And if none of that sparked their interest then there was always the possibility of open tryouts. But getting an actual offer from open tryouts wasn't easy as most teams already knew who they were looking at by that point. Open tryouts occurred at the end of the offer deadline and no team was going to risk losing out on a sure thing for a bunch of unknowns. At this point, I'd be settling for a reserve spot and the thought of that was somewhat demoralizing when I knew, _I knew_ , I was good enough to be on a professional starting roster. The only surefire way to make sure the recruiters knew damned well who I was and to grab very part of their attention was to play in that final game, to prove to them that your team made it to that final game for a reason and to prove to them you were a part of that reason. They came to the finals to make their final decision as to who they might want to consider drafting to their team. And I wasn't going to be a part of that this year.

I never did determine whether my letters to the ten recruiters ever got mailed out. I had dug through my bag and they hadn't been there so I assumed they did. But it didn't matter anymore. The moment word got out that I wouldn't be playing in that final match, none of them would bother showing up anyway.

In going through my bag, I also noticed that my wand was missing. When I brought this to Headmistress McGonagall's attention, she said I probably dropped it when I was attacked and that she'd take a look for it. She never returned it so I assumed it was long gone. I probably should have cared but I lost the ability to care about anything so I just assumed it was yet another thing I could add to my loss pile.

On the chair to my right sat a day-old _Quibbler_ that Fred had dropped off for me. The _Prophet_ had jumped on the story quickly spinning a web of lies about how I was probably jumped by a crowd of my jilted lovers, too jealous to deal with my relationship with Alice Longbottom. The injuries they spoke of didn't exist. Quotes from female students said I probably had it coming. It was almost laughable. Almost.

So my mother went straight to the _Quibbler_ to relay the true story. It talked about my cranial damage and the leftover scars on my arms. It mentioned three cracked ribs and my sprained wrist. It told in detail of the wound that nearly severed my artery across my neck. I read through the injuries over and over again and yet no memory or even flashes of the attack arose.

The rest of the article was a sad tale of my lack of recovery. My mother and father were quoted for calling me tenacious and strong and that if they knew me at all, I'd wake up from this more determined than ever to come back fighting (they got the wake up part right, not so much the rest of it). Fred admitted he had found me and went into panic mode, levitating me to the hospital wing and hoping for the best. My sister was apparently too busy crying to offer much of a quote beyond a desperate plea that I had to wake up. My brother said the halls felt empty without me in them. Jax and Rose and Dash all said they were scared for me but believed in the healing process. Cass and CJ called me the best Quidditch player they knew and the skies would be lonely until I returned. And Alice said that the boy she was falling in love with was lying unconscious in a hospital bed and all she could do was pray he'd wake up.

 _The boy she was falling in love with._

I had read those words a few times before they sunk in and when they did, my heart plummeted right into my stomach. It wasn't that I felt scared or surprised or confused or panicked at her declaration. Once upon a time, I probably would have been. But now, the only thing I felt was shame.

I didn't deserve her love. I didn't deserve anything anymore. My life was an empty shell of nothing and she deserved so much more than that. She deserved more than me. Did I love her? Yeah. I knew in the bottom of my heart that I did. But I didn't know how to love her. Because I didn't even know how to love myself.

I had a feeling that the reason Fred left me the _Quibbler_ was so I could see those words in the flesh. Because as I refused to speak or even see anyone, he needed me to know that one of the only people I had never let myself shut out until now was falling in love with me and shutting her out the same way I had with everyone else was not the way she deserved to be treated.

And though I knew he was right, I also knew that couldn't face myself and I definitely couldn't face her. I didn't want anyone to see me like this, so deflated and empty, and that especially included Alice. She'd try to find a way to make me feel better but I'd only hate her for it because there was nothing anyone could say or do to make me feel better. And I couldn't look her in the eye and pretend that everything would be okay when I knew it wouldn't be.

Have you ever dreamed of something since you were five years old, had the chance to carry out that dream, and lost it in one small moment that you had no control over, _a moment that had nothing to do with Quidditch_? I didn't fall of my broom or get a bludger to the head or get rammed into by another Quidditch player. I got jumped in a hallway. _A bloody hallway_.

And to lose the only dream I've ever had in such an unreasonable way somehow made everything inside of me hurt so much more than it already was.

Quidditch was my chance out. It was my chance to be somebody. My chance to prove to the world that it was my talent and not my name that gave me well-deserved fame.

So what was I supposed to do now? Go home with my tail tucked between my legs without a single aspiration to aim for? Do nothing? Become a nobody?

I didn't deserve to be loved by Alice. She deserved the best and that clearly wasn't me.

Not anymore.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Three days went by and I was slowly regaining my energy back. I no longer needed pain-relieving potions. The bandage around my neck had been removed. The cuts and bruises began to fade. According to Madam Clearwater, the only person I had spoken to over the course of three days, I'd be released that evening.

Yippee for me.

I wasn't looking forward to it. In the hospital wing, I could refuse visitors. I wouldn't be able to do the same once I walked out the hospital wing door. And if I knew Alice at all, she was currently livid with me for including her in the list of people I did not want to see.

I should have felt bad or guilty for that. And maybe if I had the energy to feel anything except overwhelming defeat I might have. But I knew if I let Alice through the hospital wing doors, she'd try to cheer me up. She'd tell me all the reasons that my dreams weren't over yet and she'd remind me that she cared about me no matter what and that she'd always be there for me. But I wasn't looking for words of encouragement. They would do nothing except remind me of the bitter fact that everything I had worked so hard for was now gone. And the last thing I wanted was for Alice to look into the eyes of a failure.

"James."

I jumped, tearing my eyes off the ceiling and glancing over as Mum wandered up to the foot of my bed. "Just when I was beginning to think security around here was rather decent," I drawled.

"I know you aren't in a good place right now. I get that. I get that you lost a lot more than just consciousness for a few days," she whispered pleadingly. "But please don't push us away, not when you need us now more than ever."

"What I need is to be alone," I muttered.

Disappointment settled into her brown eyes. "But you're not alone," she spoke softly. "You have me and your father and your brother and your sister and your cousins and Alice. You have so many people rooting for you, who are always going to be here for you no matter what. People who sat at your bedside for thirty straight hours without sleep, worrying and fretting over you, afraid for your life and crying when it hurt the most to see you so helpless. People who yelled at the Headmistress for not protecting you, people who were scared to see you so vulnerable. _You have all of us, James_. We aren't going anywhere."

What she didn't seem to understand was that I wanted her and the rest of them to go. I wanted them to leave me alone. I didn't want them rooting for me because I was no longer rooting for me. I just wanted to forget.

"I don't think you understand the meaning of the words 'what I need is to be alone,'" I muttered irritably.

Heartbreak filled her eyes. "I know how much this is hurting you, James, but-"

"Nothing is hurting because there's nothing to be hurt over anymore," I growled. "Or haven't you heard? I'm a failure whose dreams are gone and buried, much like my life now."

"And so what if they are?"

I gaped at her. "You're not going to give me a speech about how I have other options to try and get drafted?"

She folded her arms across her body. "Well, I could remind you that I used to play Quidditch so I know how this works. I could tell you that you don't need to be in the finals to get drafted to a team. I could tell you there are other ways. I could say it won't be the easy shortcut way you're looking to follow but that if this means that much to you, and I was under the assumption it did, you have other options. I could tell you to send old recordings to recruiters. I could remind you that they have open tryouts for a reason. I could advise you that you know people who used to be in the Quidditch world and you could try to use those connections. I could be sympathetic and say that maybe you won't get picked for one of the winning teams but that doesn't mean you won't get picked at all. I could tell you to get off your bloody high horse, stop acting like a petulant child, and start proving to the world, _and to yourself_ , that this will not break you," she scoffed, the frustration only growing with her every word. "But you're a little busy planning your pity party so I hardly think anything I have to say will get through to you."

She made it sound so easy, and maybe I was moping over the fact that the surefire, guaranteed way to earn myself a starting position was no longer an option and I'd have to find a way around many obstacles that are off-putting and problematic to even have a _chance_ at being noticed. And even if I accomplished that, if I could prove I was worthy of being in the professional Quidditch world, I'd most likely end up on some second-string reserve team and that had never been my dream.

"Then it's a good thing you're not saying anything, isn't it?" I snapped at her.

"Stop using that tone on me, James Sirius," she scolded. "I know how much you are suffering right now, and no, I'm not referring to your injuries, but I'm not the bad guy here so how about you don't turn me into one?"

" _No one is willing to go after the bad guy, Mum!_ " I seethed, my own anger spilling out in a heated rage. "Everything I have ever worked for is just… _over_ because a bunch of _jackasses_ decided to take my life into their own hands and _they're going to bloody get away with it_!"

To my surprise, she grew quiet and the frustration in her eyes turned to sympathy. "You have no idea how much I wish I knew who did this to you. I want to know who is responsible and I want to make them pay. But the truth is, James, that's not going to change what happened and it's not going to change the fact that you won't be playing in that finals. And I know how heartbreaking that is for you, but-"

"No, you don't," I snapped at her, shaking my head. "You don't get it. No one does. This is what I worked so hard for all these years and it's just…gone. Just like that. And I know there are other ways but they are longshots and you know it. You know it because you used to play this game. You used to live in this world. You know how it works because you had your chance. _You got your dream_. It's not fair. It's just…not fair."

"Yes, I had that dream, but I also know what it's like to give it up," she whispered.

"But I didn't give it up, Mum," I pleaded. "It gave up on me."

There was so much grief and sympathy staring back at me and it only reminded me exactly where I was, in a hospital bed with a bleak future. "That doesn't mean _you_ have to give up on it. This isn't the end for you. Your life is just beginning, James."

I dropped my head back against my pillow, my gaze raising to the high ceiling. "My life ended the moment my chances of playing in that final match did."

" _Don't say that, James_ ," she begged. "You have so much more to live for than just a game."

"You sound like Dad," I drawled. "And I'll have you know that that game has been the one and only thing I've ever been able to consistently count on. When Dad found a way to let me down or whenever you chose him over me or when Albus did yet another thing to upstage me or when the press ate me alive in yet another headline or when Jessup or Pruitt or Finch said yet another thing to piss me off, I could turn to the Quidditch pitch. It was the one place I felt safe and alive and appreciated. It was the only thing I felt that I ever had any control over. And now it's found a way to let me down, too. So don't tell me that I'm struggling or that I'm going through a hard time or that I'm not in a good place because it's not that I'm in a bad place, Mum. It's that I no longer have a place at all."

Worry flickered in her sad eyes. "Maybe it's not the place you want to be, but you'll always have a place with me. You'll always have a place with your father. And with your brother and your sister and Fred and Alice and the rest of your family and friends, too. We will always love you. You just have to let us."

I wished that could have made me feel better but it didn't. I knew she meant well, just wanted me to understand that I had people who loved me and cared about me and wanted to be there for me during my struggles. But there was nothing that anyone could do or say to make me feel less hopeless and I wasn't interested in watching them try.

"You're right. That's not the place I want to be" was all I said before rolling over and turning my back on my mother.

"James-"

"I'm done with this conversation, Mum," I pleaded into my pillow. "I'm just…done."

" _James_ -"

But just like with Dad, I shut my eyes and tuned her out.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

It was just after eight o'clock in the evening when Madam Clearwater released me from the hospital wing, but not before giving me a long list of instructions on how to best utilize my time to ensure a proper healing process, most of which consisted of sleep, more sleep, and when that wasn't enough, even more sleep. I informed her that if she wanted me to keep it easy in class she didn't have to worry as class was the last thing I cared about.

She didn't seem to love that answer but sent me on my way anyway.

All I wanted to do was get up to my own bedroom and hide away from the world but seeing as the world was always out to get me, I came across a few annoying interruptions on the way there.

I rounded the first corner and nearly ran straight into Reese and Albus.

"James," Reese said, blinking in surprise. "You've been released."

"It would appear that way, wouldn't it," I muttered. I tried sidestepping past them, but they weren't having it.

"How are you feeling?" my brother asked me.

"Like I'm not in the mood for a conversation right now," I drawled, making another attempt to pass them.

Neither would budge. "We just want to make sure you're okay," Reese spoke.

I rolled my eyes. "Oh, am I supposed to care what you want?"

Surprise flickered in her eyes. "Is being a dick really necessary?"

Anger boiled up inside of me, not necessarily at her or at Albus but at the world. But seeing as she was the one in front of me, she was the one I was taking it out on. "I just said I wasn't in the mood for a conversation and you decided to continue on with that conversation. So how I'm the one portrayed as a dick right now, I really don't know."

I shoved past her and wasn't at all surprised when she called after me. "I know you're angry and upset but you don't have to take it out on the rest of us."

"How about you go get your head slammed into the wall and then tell me how to act," I cried over my shoulder.

I was at the end of the hallway when my brother's next words stopped me. "Everyone's been really worried about you."

"Like you actually care," I hissed as I whirled around to glare at them both. "You should be thrilled about this. I just handed you the Quidditch Cup on a silver platter. Congratu-fucking-lations."

I tried rushing off again but Albus refused to let me get in that last word as he called out after me. "This isn't what I wanted!" he argued.

"Of course it is," I laughed over my shoulder. "Once again, you get to show the world that you are the better Potter. You should be over the moon right now."

"I'm not better than you, James," he argued. "I'm just apparently luckier."

"Something else you get to have while I never did," I sneered.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"What do you think it means?" I hissed. "I have nothing left, Al. The one thing I cared about is gone and the worst part is, you still get to have it. You get to have the one thing I worked my entire life for. You get to have my dream. So what does that leave me with? What do I get? How do I win?"

The shock in both of their faces was unmistakable, the silence in the air full of heartbreaking tension until Albus broke it. "Our lives shouldn't be a competition, James," he spoke softly.

I couldn't help the scornful laugh that fell from my mouth. "But they are," I whispered. "And you already won. You always have. And I'm not going to pretend that I don't hate you for that."

I didn't stick around to hear their protests as I fled down the hallway and disappeared around the corner.

I came across a few other stragglers but thankfully escaped before any sort of conversation could transpire. Until I muttered the password to the Fat Lady and wound up in the middle of a common room full of people staring at me in surprise.

Shuffling towards the stairs, I wasn't at all surprised that I didn't make it there.

"James," Rose spoke, stepping out in front of me with Jax right beside her.

"You're blocking the stairwell."

"Purposely," she drawled. "The team all tried to come see you and were turned away. I thought it was a team thing, understandably so. Until Fred informed me that you were refusing any visitors at all."

"Wish I could do the same outside the hospital wing," I sneered.

She frowned. "We get that you're angry but what is taking it out on the rest of us going to do?"

I couldn't help but laugh. "Oh, like the Queen of Bitchiness is one to talk."

" _James_ ," Jax sighed as Rose stared at me in disbelief.

"Frankly, Jax, you deserve a lot better than Rose," I snorted, my eyes never leaving Rose. "She probably should have stayed with Malfoy. Those two were made for each other. She's a bitch and he's an asshole. It's a match made in heaven."

Rose's mouth dropped open in both shock and anger. "Screw you, James," she said hoarsely. "You don't get a free pass just because you were attacked."

"I'm not looking for a free pass. I'm just looking to get out of this conversation as quickly as possible," I retaliated. I shoved past her and headed towards the stairwell.

"Fred and Alice scheduled a practice for tomorrow morning, James," Jax called after me. "You should be there."

I froze and slowly turned around.

"Not if he's going to be an ass, he shouldn't be," Rose muttered.

I met the ice in her eyes and slowly reached into the front of my bag. I pulled out the Captain's badge and flicked it to her. "I don't want to be there," I responded. "Give that badge to whoever you want. I don't care."

She and Jax stared down at the badge in shock. It was Jax who spoke. "James, you're still a part of this team. We still need you as Captain. Don't-"

"To be frank, Bloch, I don't give a shit what you need," I spoke coolly. "I'm out."

I swiftly maneuvered around them and made it to the stairwell before my next unfortunate interruption. "James, wait."

I debated between listening to my sister and ignoring her but ultimately went with the first one. Turning around, I frowned. "What do you want, Lils?"

She said nothing at first, a concerned frown filling her saddened expression. "I want you to talk to me," she pleaded.

"And I don't want to talk at all," I drawled. "Looks like we're at a stalemate."

"Refusing to talk or even see anyone sounds like one hell of a cry for help if you ask me," she whispered.

"Good thing I didn't ask then."

"We have all spent the past week worried out of our minds about you," she continued, ignoring my disdain. "Not just your physical health but your emotional health, too. I know that you received the worst piece of news you could have possibly received and I can only imagine how damaging that must be. I am so sorry that this had to happen at the worst possible time ever. I'm sorry that you're going through this."

I wanted to scream at her, to wring her neck, to throw something at her, because there was only one thing I needed and I wasn't going to get it. And having a bunch of people watch my ultimate demise was not something I was interested in being privy to.

"I don't need your pity, Lils," I growled. "I don't need anybody's pity."

As if on cue, I saw the sad pity flickering in her eyes. "This isn't pity," she lied. "This is what caring about someone looks like."

"Don't bother," I sneered, trying to step past her.

 _"Don't do this, James_ ," she pleaded. "Don't push us away. Don't give up your badge. Don't shut us out now when you need us the most."

"I need you?" I said with a cynical laugh. "Sorry, Lils, but you've got it all backwards. You're the ones who need me. You guys think you can win that final without me? You're all drinking a whole lot of delusional koolaid if you think that's true."

She looked torn between being outraged, annoyed, and sympathetic. She went with a combination of the first two. "Of course this team needs you!" she practically shouted. "You're our leader and you always have been and that shouldn't stop just because you won't be in the sky with us! You can still lead us to victory! _You can still be the Captain we all know you can be_."

I let out another laugh as I became fully aware that the entire common room had gone silent to eavesdrop on our conversation. At any other time, I might have cared but I lacked the ability to care about anything anymore. "What's the point?" I scoffed. "It's not like we're going to win. You couldn't catch the damned snitch in the last match and chances are you won't be able to catch it in the finals either. History has a way of repeating itself, little sis."

Pretending not to notice the clear display of hurt that fled to my sister's expression, I rushed up the stairwell and didn't stop running until I made it to my bedroom.

Swiftly pushing open the door, I was dismayed to see that Parker and Dash were there. I was pleased, however, to see that Fred was not present as I was certain he had an earful for me.

"James," Dash greeted in slight surprise as he slowly sat up from his bed. "You're out of the hospital wing."

"My, aren't we a bright one today," I drawled as I fell into my bed with a discouraged grunt. I glanced over at Franny's cage and saw her happily whittling away. "I see you guys took care of Franny while I was out."

"Yeah, we've been feeding her a bunch of Jessup's old socks," Dash responded.

I expected a reaction from Parker but his eyes were glued to the page in front of him.

My eyes narrowed at him. "How generous of Jessup," I sneered.

"Believe me, he didn't know about it," Dash snorted, who also sent Parker an odd look. "Care to chime in, Jessup?"

Parker once again remained quiet, not even flinching in response.

Guess that's a no to Dash's question.

"Damn, why couldn't you have been this quiet for the last six years?" I snorted as I dropped my head back against my pillow with a stifled yawn.

Parker glanced my way, barely, but still said nothing.

Great, even the lowlife scums pitied me.

"How are you feeling, James?" Dash asked.

"Like if I never have to hear that question again, I'd die a very happy man."

Silence filled the room until – "Rumor is you don't remember anything."

That was Parker signaling the end of his silent treatment.

Shucks.

"No, but I don't have to remember anything to know exactly who's responsible," I sneered, staring up at the ceiling with rage in my eyes.

"You don't?" he spoke.

I shot my roommate, the irritating one of course, a look. "Brooks Pruitt and Callum Finch are the only ones who have a grudge against me so deep that they'd be able to do what they did," I barked. " _So yeah, I know exactly who is responsible_."

"But…" Parker trailed off, shaking his head. "Do you have proof it was them?"

" _I don't need proof, I know they did this_."

Parker cringed and was smart enough not to respond.

"How did they know you'd be going to the Owlery though?" Dash questioned.

"You're asking the guy who doesn't remember anything?" I snapped at him. "Why does it even bloody matter?"

He frowned. "I guess it doesn't," he spoke softly.

No, it didn't. The only thing that mattered was that Brooks and Callum were walking around like free men when I was chained to my own concussion.

I pulled myself out of my bed hastily and started digging through the top shelf of my bedside table.

"What are you looking for?" Dash asked.

"I am going to tear those two bloody Ravenclaws from limb to limb and watch as they slowly bleed out in a fucking hallway pleading for their goddamned lives," I snapped.

"Er…yeah, that doesn't really explain what you're looking-"

" _The bloody Map, that's what."_

He grimaced. "Oh. Uh, about that…"

I lifted my head out of the shelf to glare at him. "Something you want to say?"

He winced and turned away from my gaze with a sigh. "Your dad forced Fred to hand it over," he murmured.

I slammed the shelf shut and whirled around. " _He did what_?"

"Your father had this outlandish idea that you might use it to go after Pruitt and Finch," he drawled. Fixing his stare on me, he said, "How crazy, right?"

I was livid beyond a normal amount, all of my anger bubbling up inside my every vein. All I wanted to do was hex something or someone into an oblivion and I couldn't even do that because my wand had never been found.

Strolling over to my trunk, I flipped it open and started tossing around old clothes.

"What are you looking for now?"

" _My goddamned firewhisky_!"

There was silence behind me but I barely took notice of it as my hand grabbed the nose of the bottle and pulled it out.

"Is that such a good idea?" Dash asked softly. "With your concussion, I mean."

"I don't really give a shit whether it's a good idea or not," I sneered, twisting the cap off and taking a large swig as I charged towards the door.

"Where are you going?" Dash asked frantically.

" _Out_."

And I stormed out, slamming the door behind me.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

If I had thought I had already hit rockbottom, I was wrong. Roaming the hallways with a half-empty bottle of firewhisky dangling from my hands was my rockbottom.

Or so I thought.

The anger inside of me was explosive and the problem was, I wasn't even entirely sure who I was mad at. It killed me to know that whoever attacked me (translation: Brooks fucking Pruitt) was going to get away with it. My blood boiled at the very idea that something so intrinsically horrifying happened to me and justice would never be served. I hated my attackers and I hated everyone else who didn't seem to understand just how much my life had been turned upside down because of them.

My life had already been a series of ups and downs. Mostly downs. I had grown into a rather angry kid, blaming my family and the world for the many inconveniences I've had to endure. And for so long, the one thing that gave me joy was Quidditch. I could escape the world and my insecurities and my own thoughts when I was on my broom, doing circles through the air and relishing the feel of the wind against my face. It was the only time I had ever truly felt free. I needed that. I needed that to live and breathe. _I needed that now more than ever_.And my heart shattered at the very simple thought that the moment I needed to escape the most, _this moment right here_ , I couldn't just jump on a broom and take to the air.

I wanted that more than anything. I wanted to be on my broom, to let the many emotions currently damaging my heart and my mind disappear _for just a moment_. I wanted to feel alive again, to feel free. I wanted to stop hurting, to stop suffering, to find a way to rid my heart of the perpetual aching it endured. I wanted to be able to breathe again without it hurting so much. I wanted the anger and the pain in my veins to evaporate. I wanted to feel like me again. _I wanted my life back._

I didn't consider myself much of a crier but as I wandered the quiet hallways, I felt the tears prickling the side of my eyes fighting to break out.

Yep, this was definitely my rockbottom.

"James?"

I froze and slowly turned around to face the two people I had been looking to avoid the most.

"Are you actually wandering the halls with an open firewhisky bottle?" Alice gaped.

I shrugged and just because I could, brought the bottle to my lips and took a hefty sip.

"Oh, real mature," Fred murmured.

I responded yet again with a shrug.

And neither of them said anything, just staring at me with defiant eyes and folded arms, clearly waiting for some sort of explanation as to why I dropped off the face of the Earth for the past few days.

Well, if that's what they were waiting for, they'd be waiting a long time.

"Oh, how I love our little talks," I drawled, offering them a curt nod. "Until next time?"

I turned on my heel in an attempt to walk off but I didn't get very far, nor did I expect to.

Fred grabbed my arm and spun me around. "I am trying really hard not to be angry with you right now because I know you are going through something unimaginable, but you are seriously testing my patience at the moment."

And once again, I responded with a shrug. "By walking away?" I drawled. "Who knew I was so good at pissing people off without even saying anything."

"Stop," Fred pleaded. "Go ahead and be an asshole to everyone else but don't do it with us."

"Being an asshole is pretty much all I'm good for anymore," I said, shoving him away from me as I hurried down the hall once again.

"You want to get drunk and forget about your woes, then let's do that!" Fred called out.

"Oh, don't encourage him," Alice groaned.

Fred ignored her. "I'll do that with you, James. Let's go sneak off into Hogsmeade and have a gay ol' time. Drink heavily until we forget our own names. Get so sloshed, we'll be stumbling our way back to the castle. Let's stay out all night under the influence of alcohol, bash some assholes' faces in, pick fights with anybody who tries to talk to us, act like entitled brats just because we can. _If that's what you need, then I'm on board_. Let's do it! Let's take out your frustrations together."

I could only gape at him, wondering what the catch was.

I expected a good tongue-lashing or a scolding or maybe even a plea. I wasn't expecting him to be so willing to follow me down whatever self-destructive, pathetic path I might end up down. And it somehow made me hate myself even more. This was what my life had become. _Mine_. Not his. Not anyone else's.

He took a step towards me, the obvious desperation coating his eyes. "I'm not asking you to have a long, drawn-out conversation with me. I'm not asking you share your feelings with me. I'm not asking you to cheer up, to not be angry or upset. I am just asking you not to treat me like everyone else in your life who you've convinced yourself has found a way to let you down. Because I promise you, I'm not going anywhere. _You hear me_? You're stuck with me."

I wish I could feel some sort of comfort or hope from that but I was too far gone and too far broken to feel anything but devastating defeat. This wasn't the life I wanted. It was just the one I got. And I couldn't do much to change that.

Slowly, I turned around to face him. "Maybe you let me down most of all, Fred," I spoke in a monotone.

He blinked and took a step back. "What?"

I shrugged again and glanced over his shoulder to where Alice stood, the look on her face one of extreme displeasure as her eyes sought mine out. I knew that when I refused any visitors in the hospital wing, I had hurt her the most. And that nearly killed me right then and there, to see the overwhelming pain in her eyes, but I couldn't focus on her. I couldn't. I had too much to deal with on my own.

So I quickly looked away and turned back to Fred, my heart suddenly feeling heavier than I could ever remember. "Maybe I would have been better off if you just left me in that hallway."

The color drained from Fred's face. The tense silence that filled the air turned sinister as he stared at me, his eyes wide and his mouth parted as the hurt disbelief flickered in his eyes. "I was supposed to just…leave you there?" he spoke incredulously, the words nearly catching in his throat.

Shrugging had apparently become my forte.

He said nothing at first, his shocked eyes just staring at me in all of their stunned glory. A jumble of emotions flashed across his expression from shock and confusion and disbelief until they finally settled on hurt anger.

"My best friend and cousin wasn't moving, he was barely breathing, his skull cracked open as he lay under a massive wreckage, his blood spilling out from every inch of his body, _lying there unconscious and nearly fucking dead_ ,and I-I…" he trailed off, the words catching in his throat. He swallowed hard before whispering in a hurt growl, "I was supposed to just leave you there _?_ "

His deep and angry tone was unlike anything I had ever heard before. He looked both livid and tortured, both angry and devastated, both shocked and defeated. And at any other time, I might have winced and felt guilty and promptly took back what I said.

If this were any other time.

"If this is the part where I'm supposed to thank you, you might be waiting a while" was what I said instead.

The pain in his eyes was unmistakable. I had hurt him before but that was nothing compared to what I was doing now. I knew that even though so much of me was clouded. I could see that my words and my accusation was something he was painfully struggling to grasp. And any other time, I would have felt guilty and promptly took back what I said.

If this were any other time.

"Fuck you, James," he eventually croaked out before turning on his heel and scurrying off.

So much for me being stuck with him.

I turned my gaze on Alice who hadn't followed him.

I really wish she had.

"Unlike Fred," she spoke coolly, "I have no problem being angry with you."

I shrugged. Again. But I said nothing. Because as easy as it was for me to hurt Fred and Albus and Rose and Lily, I didn't know how to look Alice in the eye and do the same.

"You forget, James, I know all of your moves," she said softly. "I know your defense mechanisms. I know when you're angry and upset and hurting even when you pretend not to be. I know when your heart is breaking and I know when you feel that all hope is lost. I know you lash out at others because it's easier hurting them than to feel your own hurt. And I know that this sulking, sarcastic jerk of a character you're playing is just a front to cover up a whole lot of torturous grief. So go ahead and be a snarky arsehole with the rest of the world, shut them out and push them away and shun them from your life and ignore them and avoid them all you want, but _you can't do it with me_. I won't let you. I promise you that there isn't a damned thing you can say or do that'll make me walk away from you. Go ahead and try. But I promise you, it will not work."

As always, she was right. If there was anyone I couldn't hide from, it was her. I could say mean things and attack others and they'd walk away fuming but Alice wouldn't let me get away with that. She might still be mad but she wouldn't walk away. She wouldn't let me deal with this heartache on my own. She'd stay by my side until the very end.

I hated that.

Because in a world where I had never felt more alone, she refused to let that actually happen. She had always been there for me in the past and she wasn't planning on walking away now just because I was determined to make things hard.

I wanted to appreciate her for it. Hell, I even wanted to love her for it. But I couldn't. Because as I looked at her, her eyes pleading with me to hear her every word, all I could think about was how she deserved better than the broken person that I had suddenly become. She deserved someone who cared so much about her that they wanted her to be there in this tough time. I wish we could go back to her room and dance it out and everything would suddenly feel okay again, but it wouldn't. The only dream I ever had was gone and even though Alice always managed to fix things in the past, she couldn't fix this. She couldn't fix me.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

She looked surprised by my clear regret. "For what?"

I couldn't tell her what my heart was saying. That I was sorry this would end badly for us. For her. Because I didn't want to hurt her. Not now, not ever. But I knew if I continued on the way I had been acting, I'd inevitably find a way to hurt her the most.

I looked at her, the shame tugging at my heartstrings. "Just know that I'm sorry," I whispered.

She took a step towards me and then another one. "Why do I get the feeling you're apologizing for something you haven't even done yet?"

Of course she picked up on that because if there was ever a person who somehow knew me better than even myself, it was her.

"I have to go," I murmured, hastily turning around to walk off.

I should have known she wasn't done yet.

"Why?" she called out. "Because you're determined to act like you have nothing and you have nobody and you are all alone in this world?"

I stopped at the end of the hallway but didn't turn around. I stared at the stone wall in front of me, her words somehow stopping me. With my back still turned to her, I found myself saying, "Maybe what I want, what I need most of all, _is_ to be alone right now."

Silence followed, the tension in the air somehow growing with every passing second. Until she spoke again. "You're only saying that because you feel that if you're all alone then you won't have a single thing left in your life to depend on and that might mean that nothing else can find a way to unexpectedly disappoint you just like all the other things you have ever cared about has."

And once again, she wasn't wrong.

There was a small moment in time where I had actually allowed myself to believe that everything was going to turn out okay. I had found peace in my new relationship with my father, I had made things right with my brother and with my mother, I had a girl who meant the world to me, and I was going to the Quidditch finals. And just like everything else in my sad and pathetic life, the world found yet another way to completely terrorize me and my every emotion. I would never just get the chance to be happy. I would never be able to live without heartbreak and tragedy. I'd never get to be anything.

"But, James," she pleaded, slowly making her way towards me, "You're not alone. _You're not_. You have me. You'll always have me. And I don't plan on disappointing you or letting you down or hurting you at all and you know why?"

I somehow knew exactly what she was going to say before she did.

"Don't," I whispered in hoarse pleading, shaking my head desperately. "Please just…don't say it."

Tears brimmed in her eyes. "I have to say it because you deserve to hear it, Jay," she whispered, closing the gap between us.

"No, I don't," I choked out, shaking my head.

She was standing in front of me now, so many emotions flickering in her eyes. "Yeah, Jay," she whispered, "You do. You might be going through something unimaginable right now but that doesn't mean you don't deserve good things, _good people_ , in your life."

"Okay, fine, sure," I croaked out. "Can we just…leave it at that?"

She shook her head and I felt everything inside of my screaming to get out of this moment. "No," she whispered, "We can't."

 _Please, Ace, don't_.

I just squeezed my eyes shut, desperate to block her and this moment out.

Only I couldn't.

"Because I love you, Jay," she whispered. "I think I always have and I think I always will. And there isn't anybody else in this world I'd rather love than you."

Those words somehow made the hallway seem incredibly small. My heart was aching in a way I didn't know it could, the stabbing pain somehow making it rather hard to breathe.

And as all of the wind was knocked out of my body, I suddenly felt more scared of three little words than I've ever felt scared of anything before. Because at this point in my life, she was really all I had left. The one shining light in an otherwise bleak world. But I wasn't looking to shine. I was looking to fade away into a sea of misery and the last thing I wanted to do was drag her down with me. She deserved better. She always had. And she always would.

Slowly I turned around to face her and I saw the desperation on her face clear as day.

"I don't know when it happened, Jay," she spoke, her eyes not leaving mine. "Maybe it happened slowly over time or maybe it was when you first kissed me or when we first slept together or maybe I feel it every single time I'm with you, but you have this hold over me that no one else does. And you deserve to know how I really feel about you. About us. _You deserve to be loved, Jay_."

I so desperately wanted to believe her but I was feeling too ashamed of the failure I had become to even consider the possibility that I wasn't a lost cause. It was an incredibly dark way of looking at things and I knew if there was anyone who could get me to see the good in the world, it would be her. But I didn't want to see the good. I was too busy feeling sorry for myself to even try.

"And I know that that scares you," she whispered. "It scares me, too. But let's be scared together."

It would be so easy to just grab her and hold on to her for dear life, to know that she was the one good thing that I ever did in my entire life. She was my everything. She was my world. Maybe I didn't need anything else in life except her. Maybe I could love her and maybe it could be easy and maybe she was exactly what I needed to make everything okay again.

But love wasn't easy. It was the farthest thing from easy. And I couldn't just hold on to her for dear life and pray that everything might work out when everything that has ever happened to me in my entire life has told me that things don't ever actually work out for the better.

I wanted to turn around and walk away, to slink back to my room as if I hadn't just heard those words, but she was the one person I couldn't turn my back on without some sort of explanation.

Ignoring her declaration of love completely, I said instead, "I don't want to shut you out or push you away or hurt you in any way."

She blinked in slight surprise. "I don't want you to do any of those things either."

I let out a curt nod, though my entire body felt like it had been dunked into quicksand, my limbs frozen with remorse. "But," I whispered, staring at the floor and not into her eyes, "In order to not do that, I need some time to myself. Because the thing is, Ace, if you don't give me that, I'm going to wind up hating you just as much as everyone else."

A flicker of shock flashed across her eyes before it was replaced with remorse. She said nothing at first and I was grateful, the silence overpowering the both of us.

"Go ahead and hate everyone else," she eventually said, her voice quiet and trembling. "Just don't hate yourself."

Too late.

And I could see that she knew that. I could see in her eyes that she feared the worst in me. That my sudden combative nature was all due to my own self-loathing. I was taking out my anger on everyone around me because that was easier than admitting to myself that once again, I put myself in yet another position to be let down in the world. I put all my trust and hopes into a single dream, into a simple game, the one thing I felt I had control over in my life, and even that got taken away from me.

"Okay," I lied.

Our eyes met, hers full of compassion and mine just full of pain, and she just said, "You do deserve to be loved, Jay. Please don't ever think otherwise."

It was far too late for that.

I just nodded and since I had nothing left to say, I swiftly turned around and walked away before my heart could ache anymore than it already was. And I was so thankful that Alice didn't try to stop me.

I knew in the deepest crevice of my shattered heart that a large part of me still needed her.

But for her sake, I needed to find a way to stop.

And so instead of embracing her and kissing her and telling her how much she meant to me, I continued down the hallway with a bottle of firewhisky in my hand and a hole in my heart.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

 **A/N:** Is James being overdramatic? Probably. Is he being an ass? Definitely. But we all know that James doesn't do anything halfway. But in less depressing news, at least we finally have Alice confessing her love to James. The question is, will James eventually do the same or is he just going to run from it like he always has before?

Next up: who is responsible for James' attack?


	39. Nobody Can Save Me

**A/N:** Last chapter broke my heart the same way it did some of yours. I'm invested in James' life now and I feel everything that he feels. It's heartbreaking but then again, whose life isn't?

* * *

 **A WAY WITH WORDS**

Chapter 39: Nobody Can Save Me

 _"Nobody can save me now_  
 _I'm holding up a light_  
 _Chasing up the darkness inside_  
 _'Cause nobody can save me  
Stare into this illusion_  
 _For answers yet to come_  
 _I chose a false solution_  
 _But nobody proved me wrong_  
 _At first hallucination_  
 _I wanna fall wide awake_  
 _Watch the ground giving way now."_  
-Linkin Park

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

The article hit the papers Monday morning.

 **Gryffindor's Star Quidditch Player Benched From Final Match with Concussion**

I only saw the headline because Dash tossed the paper on to my bed at some point mid-morning. I glanced at the front page and then proceeded to chuck it on to the floor, refusing to read about my ultimate demise.

And then an hour later when the curiosity got the better of me, I picked it off the floor and began to read.

 _The Hogwarts Gryffindor Quidditch team nearly lost one of their own earlier this week. James Potter, son of wizarding world savior Harry Potter, was unconscious for thirty-five hours after he was unexpectedly and maliciously attacked in a school hallway. For those thirty-five hours, there was no way to know if the eighteen-year-old would ever wake up._

 _He eventually did and cries of relief were heard around the world. But now a close source has revealed that James Potter is suffering a concussion so severe that it has prematurely removed the legendary chaser from the final Hogwarts Quidditch match, set to play in three and a half weeks on Saturday, May 12th._

 _James Potter has become an integral member of the Gryffindor Quidditch Team. He started out as a reserve in his second year and was added to the roster as a starting chaser the following year. In his very first match, he single-handedly scored eight goals, tying the record for most goals scored by a first-time player. When Alice Longbottom, long-time friend and now girlfriend, joined the team a year later, the two of them alongside recent graduate Chastity Bladen, now the star chaser of the Falmouth Falcons, became an unstoppable trio. Over the next three years, the three of them smashed impossible records. They scored the most combined goals by a team in a single game ever played in Hogwarts (January 27, 2022), they scored the most combined goals by a team in a single season (2021-22), their scoring percentage at the end of the three years was a whopping 91%, and In Potter's tenure as a Gryffindor chaser, his team has made the finals four out of five years. But where he has come out short, perhaps a curse that follows James Potter, is winning a final. James Potter has never won the Quidditch Cup and it looks as if destiny is getting ready to repeat itself._

 _There had been reports of several recruiters planning to make the trip to Hogwarts to scope out the future talent. James Potter would have most likely stolen the spotlight from the other seventh years had he been on that field and could have easily been a top contender for multiple professional Quidditch teams' starting rosters, bypassing the reserve teams altogether, before July 1st's draft deadline. Now, with the help of his surname, it's far more likely that he's looking at a position on a reserve team, and that's only if his concussion heals in time for the eighteen year old to make it to open Quidditch tryouts scheduled for Saturday, June 16th._

 _As for the attack itself, it rumors that members of the Slytherin House may have had a hand in the violence that occurred as an attempt to take James Potter out of the final match. If that is the case, they certainly succeeded. This information has not been confirmed at this time, but-_

I stopped reading and tossed the newspaper into Franny's cage, who immediately began to chomp on the edges.

Any chance I had at trying to convince the recruiters I deserved a starting position just went up in flames as the _Prophet_ reminded the world that (1) I couldn't even pull out one finals win and (2) the only reason I deserved any position at all was because I was a Potter.

All I had ever wanted since my very first day on the Gryffindor team was to prove to everyone that I earned my spot in the Quidditch world on my talent alone and the _Prophet_ just had to go and remind everyone that my talent was now secondary to my name.

I hated the _Prophet_. I hated the world. I hated everything.

I received several letters over the next few days – from Mum and Dad and Louis and Teddy and Grandmum – and I didn't read a single one of them. I made paper airplanes out of them or burned them or tossed them into the trash or used them to line Franny's cage. But I didn't look at them because I didn't want to hear what any of my family members had to say. They'd either scold me for falling into a depressed rut or they'd try to cheer me up or give me advice or console me and I wasn't interested in any of that. I was only interested in feeling sorry for myself.

I spent the next two days curled up in bed, though I didn't spend much of it sleeping. I stole a few drinks of my near-empty bottle of firewhisky, cuddled with Franny until she got bored with me, glanced through the rest of the _Prophet_ that Franny hadn't chewed on until I stumbled across the sports pages and proceeded to rip the paper into tiny shreds, and spent most of the time silently complaining how unfair my life had become.

"James?"

I had been staring at the wall for about an hour, ignoring the headache that had flared up at some point during the day, when I heard Dash mutter my name.

"What?" I murmured.

Pause. "Professor Longbottom wanted to make sure you received the revision schedule for all your classes."

I sighed. "Toss it in the trash."

I wasn't surprised when my hangings swung open as Dash tossed the papers on to the end of my bed. "Answer me honestly," he spoke softly. "Are you okay?"

Okay was the last thing I was.

"Sure," I lied.

He frowned. "No, you're not," he said and I could practically hear the anguish in his tone. "You want to go sneak into Hogsmeade for a few drinks? Get your mind off everything?"

The idea that I could get my mind off everything was incredibly far-fetched and as I had learned throughout the day, alcohol wasn't going to change that.

"No," I muttered.

More silence followed and I just hoped Dash was smart enough to walk away or there was a good chance I'd find a way to insult him the same way I had insulted everyone else. He was one of the last people still speaking to me and that was probably because he was one of the only people who wasn't berating me for the way I was acting.

"Well, how about coming down to dinner? There's only a half hour so there's a chance the Great Hall will be fairly empty."

"I'm not hungry," I spoke immediately, though the sudden thought occurred to me that I hadn't eaten a single thing in nearly thirty-six hours.

More silence. "You can't hide away in your bed forever," he spoke softly.

" _Watch me_."

He sighed and I let out a quiet sigh of relief when I heard the hangings rustling closed behind me.

That relief was short-lived when just a few minutes later, I felt the hangings pushed aside and a new body joining me on my bed.

"James."

I stiffened and glanced over my shoulder to where Alice sat crosslegged at the end of my bed. "So much for giving me time."

She ignored me. "My father is concerned about you," she spoke. "And frankly, so am I. You're skipping all of your classes, you're not eating, _you're not taking care of yourself_."

I suppressed the urge to roll my eyes. "I'm supposed to be keeping it easy," I drawled. "That means limiting the amount of stress I have to deal with which means I have a free pass on skiving off classes."

"We both know you're not doing this for health reasons," she argued. "Especially considering the almost-empty bottle of firewhisky sitting on your window ledge."

I just shrugged. "Liquid diet," I drawled.

" _Jay_."

"What?" I snapped at her.

She sighed. "We all already have a reason to worry about you," she pleaded. "Don't give us even more of a reason."

I was getting pretty damned tired of everyone telling me they were worried about me. I didn't need their worry. I just needed them all to leave me the hell alone.

"What is it that you want from me, Alice?" I spoke flatly, sitting up to face her with an unusual amount of edge in my stare.

She peered at me over her narrowed eyes. "Since when do you call me by my given name?"

"Way to avoid my question."

"Way to avoid mine."

" _Alice_ ," I spoke a tad too harshly.

She frowned and turned away from me with a sigh. "What do I want?" she whispered achingly. "I want you to let me love you."

There was that damned 'L' word again.

"I know you are sorting through a lot right now," she whispered. "I am not asking you to talk to me about it. I'm not asking you to put a smile on your face. I'm not asking you find a way to move on from all of this. Go ahead and mope and brood and sulk. Be angry, be upset, be broken. But don't let this defeat you and don't let it define you."

I was already defeated. I was defeated the moment my life was put into someone else's hands. What was the point of even living my life if someone else was just going to take it away from me?

"I'll keep that in mind," I muttered, flopping back against my pillow and staring up at the ceiling.

I wasn't looking at her but I could still feel her desolate frown staring at me. "If that was your attempt at dismissing me, you're out of luck," she whispered. "Because I'm not going anywhere. I'm always going to be there for you, Jay. Always. I won't just idly stand by and watch you suffer alone. I can't. If you suffer, I suffer, remember? I'm here, Jay, and _I am not going anywhere_."

The whole point of me begging her for space was so that she _didn't_ have to suffer along with me. This was my mess to deal with, not hers. She deserved more than to burden herself with someone else's pain. She deserved more than me. More than I could now ever give her. She deserved more.

I was the broken soul. But that didn't mean she had to be one, too.

"What I'm asking you for, Alice, _is_ to leave me alone," I begged into my pillow, needing her to be anywhere but at my wilting side right now. "Don't you get that? This isn't about you. It's about me and my life. If you can even call it that anymore."

I could feel the concern practically bouncing off her expression even though my back was turned to her. "You don't have to like your life, Jay," she pleaded, "But you do have to live it."

I couldn't help but roll my eyes. "No offense, Alice, but I'm not looking for a therapist right now," I growled, shooting her a glare over my shoulder.

There was the smallest flicker of frustration in her eyes but it faded into resignation as she sighed, "Maybe a therapist wouldn't be so bad."

"I don't need some shrink to tell me how fucked up I am," I drawled. "I'm already plenty aware of that already."

She frowned. "Everyone has baggage, Jay," she whispered. "But hiding from the world _and yourself_ isn't going to be the answer to all of your problems. It's just going to make you feel empty."

Too late.

I let out a sigh. "Thanks for the session, Psychiatrist Alice. I do believe our hour is up."

She rolled her eyes and crawled over to me, curling her body next to mine.

"What are you doing?" I sighed.

"I told you before I wasn't going anywhere. So this is me, not going anywhere."

My instincts were to wrap my arm around her and pull her close.

Instead, I said, "And I told you before I needed time."

"Take all the time you need," she said with a stifled yawn. "But I'm still not going anywhere."

There was a new ache in my chest, one of slight confusion and panic at the only girl in my life who always seemed to know exactly what to say. Only, I was tired of listening. I was tired of trying to be a better person for her. And I was tired of letting her down and in return, letting myself down. I was just tired. I was worn out. I was drained. I had very little left inside of me, very little left to feel. I had no energy, no more heart, no more emotions.

I wanted to reach out, to kiss her and to hold her and to never let her go. I wanted her in a way I had never really wanted her before because I was desperate to believe there was something more for me in this world than pain, suffering, and heartache. But believing in something didn't make it true.

So maybe I was better off not believing in anything at all.

I turned my back on her and slept the night facing the wall, letting the barrier around my heart do all the talking for me.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Alice was gone when I later woke up in a cold sweat, my breath heavy, as nightmares of the night of my attack plagued me. I was remembering small spurts of information from that night but they were coming in waves. I could see myself winding down the Owlery stairwell and venturing through the hallway. I remember whistling and I remember cutting it short. I recalled the kicks to the head and to my abdomen. I remembered a slashing spell. I could feel the window glass carving sharp incisions into my skin.

 _But I couldn't remember who was responsible_.

I sat up in my bed, desperately trying to catch my breath, and glanced out the window. It was dark so nightfall had clearly fallen. I could hear the sound of Parker's snores so I had to assume it was either pretty late or pretty early.

Squeezing my eyes shut, I tried to remember more from the night I was attacked but it was all still a blur.

And in that moment, I knew there was only one place I wanted to be.

Swiping the firewhisky from my window ledge, I tossed a sweatshirt over my head and quietly tiptoed out of the room. I rushed down the stairwell, woke up the Fat Lady who was none too pleased, and hastily rushed through the corridors, up several staircases, until I found myself standing just under the West Tower. I stopped suddenly just as my heart began to race before slowly dipping through the archway and making my way across the hallway that led to the Owlery.

I didn't get very far. The hallway was taped off and I stared in horror at a deep hole where the wall once stood. Rock and stone and old debris scattered the corridor and underneath it all was a large pool of dried-up blood.

My blood.

I suddenly felt frozen on the spot as I stared at the crime scene in front of me, all of it looking far more horrible than I ever could have imagined. No wonder Fred had been a basket case. The pile of rubble was horrifying enough, the damaged wall nothing but a black hole while the hallway was lined with all shapes and sizes of so much wreckage, but to know that I had just been a lifeless body underneath it all was enough to make my own heart stop.

Unexpected tears prickled the side of my eyes but I quickly blinked them away, refusing to go down that road. Crying wasn't going to change what happened. Crying wasn't going to bring my memories back. And it certainly wasn't going to get my future back.

I brought the firewhisky to my lips and took a swig in an attempt to calm my overwrought nerves down, which might have worked had my hands not be trembling with every move I made. I took a couple of deep breaths as I let myself glance around at the mess in a calculating way instead of a menacing way. Slowly, I shut my eyes, visualizing it all in my head and begging for my memories to return.

A cluttered mess of jumbled moments sprang to mind, but none that made sense. Me walking down the hallway with a stack of letters in my hand. An empty hallway. A shattered window. An explosion. Spells and curses and jinxes and blurred figures.

My head started to ache but still I willed for just one clue, _one trace of evidence_ _to prove who had done this to me_ , but nothing came. Eventually, the ache in the back of my head became too much and I had to open my eyes so as not to risk fainting or vomiting. The bile was buried in the back of my throat but so, too, was the overwhelming defeat. These blocked memories were the only thing keeping whoever it was that jumped me away from consequences and it killed me to know they were just walking free. _Justice needed to be served_. And besides the perpetrators, I was the only person who knew what had happened. I was the only person who had the chance to set things right, to have _one good thing come out of this_. But why should I assume that anything good could come out of this when all that's transpired since the attack was nothing but cruelty?

I felt angry and upset and defeated and I wondered why I had even decided to come here. It wasn't going to do any good. It had already been made rather known to me that life was unfair and this was just another example of the world laughing at my pain.

So I took another long gulp of firewhisky and turned around, suddenly wishing that whoever had attacked me had just finished me off.

And at those words, I froze.

 _"Finish him_."

I could hear someone saying that, I could hear those two words in the back of my jumbled mind as if they were happening in that very moment, leaving an ominous feeling in the otherwise dank air. I felt my chest grow tight and my breaths turn jagged as I repeated those words over and over again in my mind and then out loud to the empty hallway.

 _"Finish him_."

 _Finish him, finish him, finish him_.

And suddenly, as if those two otherwise seemingly small words held all of the big answers, the jolted memories came flying back at me so very clearly as if it was happening to me in that very moment.

 _I wound down the Owlery stairs, whistling a made-up tune, and started down the quiet hallway, not another student in sight. That hadn't been all that surprising as exams were coming up so most students were entranced by their studies. I had only taken a few steps down the empty hallway when rushed footsteps rounded the corner ahead of me and a voice called out, "Expelliarmus."_

 _I jumped in surprise as my wand flew out of my pocket and into the hands of noneother than Brooks Pruitt._

 _I couldn't help the groan that escaped my lips. "Well, if it isn't the mayor of Loserville," I sighed._

 _"Don't mess with me, Potter. I have had enough of your bullshit," he sneered, twirling my wand in his hand tauntingly. "All year, you've been a right pain in my arse."_

 _"Only this year?" I mused. "Damn, and I thought I had perfected the art of annoying you years ago."_

 _"Keep making your jokes, Funny Boy," he snapped, "But you're in a bit of a pickle right now, don't you think? You, wandless. Me with two wands. I'm liking my odds."_

 _"I've beat you with less before," I drawled._

 _"Oh sorry, did I say with two wands?" he contemplated. "I meant three."_

 _I was about to laugh at his inability to do basic math when Callum walked around the corner, his own wand outstretched in his hand._

 _I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand up knowing that I was at a clear advantage with two wand-holding Ravenclaws against one wandless me, but I've been known to fight a few people with my fists and come away virtually unscathed so I wasn't completely betting against me yet._

 _"No, Brooks," Callum smirked, "You meant four."_

 _I'm sorry, what now?_

 _From behind the wall appeared Parker Jessup, his arms folded across his body and his expression one of reluctant bitterness._

 _Well, for fuck's sake. Now all I needed was for Sadie to show up and it'd be just another meeting of the I-Hate-James-Potter Club._

 _"Wow, so you think the only chance you have at beating me in a fight, Pruitt, is to outnumber me?" I laughed, ignoring the thought in the back of my head that this was not looking good for me. "I feel as if that's a compliment."_

 _"You're an idiot, Potter," Parker snapped at me._

 _Ah, so the sidekick to the lapdog of the alpha male does speak._

 _"No more than you," I retaliated._

 _"Really? The guy without a wand is going to taunt those who do have wands?" he drawled, shaking his head._

 _"Taunting is what I do best," I shot back with a bit of a smirk._

 _He shook his head at me. "Yeah, well that ends today," he drawled. "You don't get to go around insulting everyone every chance you get and think you can just get away with it all the bloody time just because you're convinced you walk on water."_

 _I stared at him incredulously. "You're ganging up on me because I've wounded your fragile ego with the occasional insult?" I said, letting out a barking laugh. "Do you realize how ludicrous that sounds?"_

 _"It's not about the insults," Brooks finally chimed in. "At least not to me. I am sick and tired of you getting everything handed to you on a silver bloody platter just because you think you're better than everyone."_

 _"Not everyone. Just you," I snapped back. "Now give me back my fucking wand and let's get on with our lives, shall we?"_

 _"Petrificus Totalus!"_

 _A string of curse words flashed through my mind as my legs and arms snapped against my body forcefully and I fell backwards._

 _This was not good._

 _As I stared up at the ceiling, unable to move at all, Brooks' face appeared in my line of vision. "You think you can cheat and manipulate others and bend the rules to fit your routine and there won't be consequences? Life doesn't work that way, Potter!"_

 _His foot jammed into my abdomen and I felt a guttural groan get lodged into my throat. My body rolled over to its side and that somehow broke the spell so I was able to scramble away but not before Brooks threw his fist into my face._

 _This was_ really _not good._

 _"What the fuck is the matter with you, Pruitt?" I shouted as I scurried off the floor and launched myself at Brooks. I managed to shove him into the wall, finding much satisfaction in the groan that fell from his lips, but before I could do much else, Callum was there to drag me away. Brooks shoved another fist in my face and I felt my upper lip slice open as blood flew in every direction._

 _"We should be in that bloody final but you got so many free passes this year that you stole our chance out from underneath us," Callum barked, holding my hands tightly behind my back as his mate's fist made contact with my stomach._

 _"You're not in the finals because your sucky team lost yesterday, not because of me!" I snapped back, ducking before Brooks could hit me again._

 _"Says the guy who couldn't score one goddamned goal against the Hufflepuffs!"_

 _I managed to spring my left arm free from Callum and took a swing at Brooks' face. It collided and he let out a surprised cry that had Callum loosening his grip on me, enough that I could completely wriggle free. I shoved Callum against the wall and kicked Brooks in the shin as I scrambled away from them._

 _"Expulso!" Callum's voice shouted. Parker let out a surprised shout (I forgot he was even there). Shards of glass from the nearby window came flying at all of us. Brooks and Callum fell to the floor with surprised cries while I was thrown to the side, my head slamming against the wall with a loud crunch._

 _"Oh, good going, you fucking moron!" I shouted at Brooks' lapdog, wincing as I tried pulling a piece of glass from my forehead. I could feel blood pouring down the side of my face and winced as a sudden wave of dizziness crashed over me._

 _"Uh, guys? Someone might hear us if we continue on like this," Parker spoke, clearing his throat._

 _"How not surprised I am that Parker Jessup is a fucking wuss who is letting other people do his dirty work," I sneered at him._

 _Okay, so taunting someone who was looking to back out of a three-on-one fight to make it a two-on-one fight might not have been my brightest moment._

 _Parker's eyes grew dark and he said, rather calmly, "Incarcerous."_

 _I watched helplessly as thin cords shot from Parker's wand and bound tightly around my wrists._

 _This was really,_ really _not good._

 _"Smart move, Jessup," Brooks smirked. "You've proven very useful tonight, haven't you. Relashio!"_

 _I ducked but not in time as the spell slashed a deep gash across the side of my neck. I winced and slid down the side of the wall, my head growing faint as blood spilled everywhere._

 _Have I mentioned yet how not good this was?_

 _Brooks and Callum came up in front of me with matching sneers, their own limbs covered in bleeding cuts. "How does it feel to be a helpless, pathetic loser, Potter?" the former sneered, his foot making contact with my abdomen again._

 _I groaned but I was not about to back down. "I don't know, Pruitt, why don't you tell me?" I grunted, swinging my right leg at him. This time, I got him in the shin and he staggered backwards._

 _I tried pulling myself off the ground, but the ropes were making it nearly impossible, not to mention that my entire right side was suddenly exploding in pain. I had to imagine I had a cracked rib or two. I ducked as Callum took another swing at me, barely missing, but Brooks' foot to the back of my head didn't miss. Another searing pain ripped through my skull to the point where all I saw in front of me was a string of stars._

 _"You just don't learn, Potter, do you?"_

 _I spat out blood on to the floor, blinking my eyes a few times in an attempt to regain focus. "You really are pathetic, Pruitt, you know that?" I wheezed, letting out a string of agonizing coughs._

 _"Says the guy who can't even sit up straight," he laughed, sending another sharp kick to the back of my head._

 _That one had me seeing stars as Parker's trembling voice said from behind me, "Brooks, what are you doing? You're going to kill him."_

 _"Serves him right!" he shouted, sending another kick at my head._

 _Nausea bubbled up in my throat and I had to hold back the bile, trying to breathe in and out evenly through my nose. The incarcerous spell was wearing off and I managed to wriggle free but that didn't do much as I could barely move any other part of my body._

 _I brought my hand to the back of my head in an attempt to hold in the pain, but that only seemed to make it worse as I let out a strangled wince. When I pulled my hand away, I saw that it was coated in blood._

 _"Finish him, Callum."_

 _Uh, what?_

 _"Uh, what?" Callum said, clearing his throat._

 _"You heard me. Finish the goddamned bastard!" Brooke seethed._

 _"What are you talking about, Brooks? What the hell do you mean by that?" Parker said, his voice on the verge of hysterical._

 _There was another kick to my stomach followed by another punch to the face and I was barely holding it together at this point, a chorus of whimpering groans spilling from my mouth as I slumped forward, now lying flat on the floor in a coughing fit of agony._

 _"He's a piece of shit that is finally getting all that he deserves," Brooks sneered, his voice sounding so incredibly far away. "Blow up the wall, Cal, and finish the bastard off."_

 _"Are you fucking crazy?" Parker continued, his voice full of panic. "That could kill him!"_

 _"Oh, boo-hoo, Jessup. The son of a bitch deserves it. HE FUCKING DESERVES IT. Do it, Cal. Fucking finish him!"_

 _There was a long pause in which I was trying desperately to keep my eyes open, to not succumb to the unconsciousness that was calling out to me._

 _"Brooks," I heard Callum say, his voice now filled with uncertainty. "That's really not a good idea."_

 _"It is if I say it is," Brooks hissed. "Do it, Cal. Blow up the goddamned wall and show Potter who is fucking boss around here."_

 _I tried to move, slowly pushing myself up on my forearms but I wavered for just a moment before collapsing seconds later. The pain was unbearable, taking over my entire body. I tried to crawl, tried to get out of there somehow, but even I knew it was a lost cause. I suddenly felt helpless and scared, my breaths coming out in spurts of staggered gasps. Was this the end for me? Was this how I was going to go out?_

 _"Oh for fuck's sake," Brooks snapped, though his voice sounded so far away. "Do I have to do everything myself? Don't be such a goddamned wuss, Cal!"_

 _"Don't," Parker pleaded. "Let's just get out of here."_

 _"What are you waiting for, Cal. Do it!" Brooks seethed, ignoring Parker outright._

 _There was a moment of hesitation and just when I thought the three of them might leave me be the way I was, I heard Callum shout, "Expulso!"_

 _The wall I was currently cradled against exploded. Stone and glass went flying across the hallway. Something sharp collided with my forehead, pieces of glass sliced up my exposed skin, and all I could do was watch in horror as the weight of what felt like a thousand pounds crushed my body, my heart, and my soul. Pain seared through my every limb, my head screaming in agony, and as a heavy piece of rock struck me right in the chest, everything finally went black._

My eyes fluttered open, the memory hitting me like a brick wall.

I had suspected it was Brooks and Callum that had attacked me. But they hadn't been alone.

Parker Jessup had been there, too.

The bottle in my hands dropped to the floor and shattered but I barely noticed. I stood there, stunned, while the blood drained from my face and the shock and horror settling into my already suffering heart. It was as if I was frozen in time, unable to move or think or breathe, as the truth dangled tauntingly in front of me.

And when I finally got past the shock and the hurt, all I felt was rage. Uncontrollable, wild rage. I wanted to kill all of them. I wanted to hex them until they couldn't move. I wanted to scream at them and insult them until I was blue in the face. I wanted them to suffer just as much as I was. _I. Wanted. Justice_.

I couldn't get to Brooks or Callum but I could get to Parker.

And I was going to make him pay.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I shoved my bedroom door open so hard it slammed against the wall with a loud crash. I charged over to Parker's bed and ripped the hangings open, tearing them as I did, and grabbed tightly on to Parker's arm to pull him from his bed.

"What the-"

" _You little piece of shit_!" I shouted, swinging at his face. It barely connected as Parker ducked and scrambled away, his arms flailing about as he attempted to slap me away.

" _What is your problem, Potter_?"

"I KNOW WHAT YOU DID!" I screamed. " _I know it was you_!"

I punched him again and this time my fist collided with his nose. He cried out and he wasn't the only one.

" _What the hell are you doing, James_?" Dash cried out as he clambered out of bed, trying to pull me off of Parker.

"I'm sorry!" Parker whimpered underneath me and I sprang my arm free from Dash and hit the bastard again.

" _Sorry doesn't cut it, asshole_!"

"JAMES!" Fred's voice called out, but I barely heard it. All I saw was Parker Jessup at my mercy and I wanted him to feel as much pain as I did when he decided to jump me in the goddamned hallway.

" _Get Neville_ ," Fred hissed, I'm assuming at Dash, but I ignored both of them.

" _You're a spineless coward! A nobody!_ " I shouted and I tried hitting him but I felt another pair of arms, a stronger pair, grab mine and drag me off of him. "YOU COULDN'T STAND THE FACT THAT I HAD AN ACTUAL LIFE SO YOU JUST HAD TO GO AND TAKE THAT AWAY FROM ME!"

Parker scrambled to his feet, blood pouring from his face. "I-I didn't mean to," he whispered and I was incredibly annoyed when I saw tears in his eyes.

"James, _stop!_ " Fred pleaded as I struggled against his tight grasp.

" _You didn't mean to_? That's all you have to say for yourself, you disgusting piece of swine?" I sneered at the prefect, shoving Fred aside and lunging at him.

Parker yelped and ducked into his bed. I charged towards him but Fred grabbed my arm and pulled me away once again. " _What the hell is the matter with you, James?_ " Fred pleaded.

"JESSUP DESERVES TO PAY!"

"For _what_?" Fred demanded hoarsely, shoving me against the wall with a forceful push. I tried to slip past Fred but he shoved me again. A dull pain formed behind my eyes but I ignored it. "What did Jessup do?"

"HE WAS THERE IN THE HALLWAY! HE WAS THERE WITH FINCH AND PRUITT!" I roared. " _HE TRIED TO KILL ME_!"

Fred froze, the color draining from his face. He stopped putting up a fight against me and went rigid. He said nothing, just stared at me in horror, his eyes wide and his mouth parted. "Jessup was there?" he eventually croaked, his words coming out in a choked whisper.

All I could do was nod, all of the energy I thought I had slowly draining from my still-healing body, the anger fading into shame and agony as every inch of my weary body began to tremble in pain. I couldn't tell if it was because I was pushing my body past its breaking point or if I just felt empty now knowing the harsh truth, but whichever it was, I couldn't find the strength to continue going after him. As much as it pained me to admit, hurting Parker wouldn't make me hurt any less.

And I really hated that it wouldn't.

Fred turned around, his breaths growing jagged as his eyes sought out Parker who was whimpering helplessly on his bed. "It was you?" he choked out.

Parker said nothing, refusing to look up at either one of us. He had no defense. All he had was remorse.

I wanted to beat the remorse out of him but my head was pounding and my limbs felt numb so I just stood there helplessly, watching as Fred stared at our third roommate in stunned silence.

" _Say something!_ " Fred finally barked and I nearly jumped at the sheer volume in my cousin's voice, a dulled and yet very intense throbbing starting to form just behind my eyes.

"I'm…I'm sorry," Parker whimpered as he brought his hands to his face and I could have sworn I saw an onset of tears. "I'm…I didn't know…I didn't mean… _I'm sorry_."

His words made my skin crawl for an apology was the last thing I needed, or wanted, from him. Sorry wasn't going to turn back time. Sorry wasn't going to make any of this better. _Sorry wasn't going to change the failure I had become_.

"You're…sorry," spoke Fred slowly, his eyes blinking in rapid motion. He paused, letting Parker's nonsensical words sink in. "You left him there to _die_. And all you have to say is…sorry?"

Parker said nothing, wiping his face with his forearm. Even from across the room I could see the blood smear that followed it. That should have filled me with satisfaction. But I was too empty to feel anything.

The door flung open then and Dash rushed in, followed by Neville. The latter surveyed the room, glancing over at me up against the wall and then at Fred who stood defensively in front of me and then he turned his gaze on to Parker whose face was splattered with blood.

"Someone want to tell me what the hell is going on in here?" Neville demanded, the anger in his voice unmistakable.

I looked at Fred and he looked at me and then we both looked at Parker. "He did it," Fred murmured. "He attacked James."

Neville's eyes narrowed. "Looks to me as if James might have been the one who attacked Mister Jess-"

" _I'm not talking about tonight, Neville_ ," Fred snapped at the professor, who in turn looked stunned at the hostility in my cousin's tone. "Jessup was in the hallway the night James got jumped!"

Neville's mouth formed a shocked O shape, his eyes widening as he stared at my cousin for what felt like forever until his head slowly turning towards the cowering prefect. "Is that true, Mister Jessup?" he asked sharply.

Parker said nothing, but the resignation in his eyes answered the question.

"It's true," I whispered and just those two words sent a jolt of searing agony to the back of my head. My legs buckled and I slid down the side of the wall with a thud. "He was there. And so were Brooks Pruitt and Callum Finch. I remember now. I…I remember everything."

And my mother had been right. I would have been better off not remembering at all.

I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to ignore the pain that overtook my entire head from behind my eyes to the back of my skull. I brought my hands to the side of my forehead and pressed hard against my temples, trying to stop the headache from spreading and it brought me slight relief but only for a moment before the sharp pains once again took over, slowly making its way down my neck and spine until my whole body was throbbing.

"James?" I heard Neville's voice but it sounded so far away. _"_ Are you okay?"

I opened my mouth to say something but the words wouldn't come. The only thing that followed was yet another explosive throbbing in the back of my head. If Madam Clearwater were there to ask me on a scale of one to ten how much my pain level was at, I would have had to flash thirty fingers at her again.

"Take a deep breath, James," Neville spoke, his voice boasting with concern as he crouched down beside me. I could feel him next to me as he placed a hand on my shoulder but I felt as if I were in another world, far away from that room and far away from him. " _Breathe, James_."

I listened to his voice, focusing on breathing in and breathing out and nothing else around me.

"What's happening?" Fred spoke. "Is he okay? _James_?"

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

The pain started to subside in my head, just barely but it was enough that I felt sensible again, and I slowly opened my eyes.

"He'll be okay," Neville said letting out a sigh of relief. "He just exerted too much energy. He was running off of pure adrenaline and it was too much for his body to handle. James, you need rest. Can you stand up? Can you get over to your bed?"

Inhale. Exhale.

"I don't need rest," I murmured, shaking my head and immediately regretting it. "I need to tell someone what happened."

"Not now," Neville spoke firmly. "We can talk in the morning. But right now, your health takes precedence."

"Screw my health," I moaned as I slowly picked myself off the floor, bracing myself against the wall. " _You need to know what happened_."

"And I will find out," he responded softly. "I'm going to talk to Mister Jessup and hear what he has to say and then in the morning, when you're feeling better, I'm going to come back and talk to you. But not until you've had a full night's rest."

Sleep did sound good. Great actually. My head no longer felt like it was on fire but there was tension behind my eyes that was making it hard to concentrate on anything except the pain. So I didn't fight him. I didn't have the energy to do so. I just nodded, pushed myself away from the wall, and dragged myself over to the bed.

I couldn't know what Parker would say and I knew this would give both him and the two Ravenclaws time to come up with some elaborate story that might lessen the amount of punishment they'd receive, but I was too drained to find the strength to care.

As I crawled into my bed, a sudden thought hit me, however.

"My wand," I muttered.

Neville was currently standing at Parker's bedside taking a look at his facial injuries when I spoke. He snuck a look my way. "What was that?"

"They have my wand."

He looked confused. "What?"

"Pruitt disarmed me," I murmured, sinking my head into my pillow. "And I don't have my wand so he or Finch probably still have it. There's the proof you'll need."

Neville said something in return but I didn't hear it for I was already closing my eyes and drifting off to sleep.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Turns out, they didn't need my testimony. Parker sang like a cowardly little baby, confessing to everything. He had stumbled across Brooks and Callum who were looking for me. He had told the Ravenclaws that I was in the library and then planning to head to the Owlery and that's when Brooks and Callum devised a plan to surprise attack me. Parker hadn't thought they were going to do any serious damage and had never planned on letting it get as far as it did.

And if that wasn't enough proof of who was responsible, my wand was found buried in the bottom of Callum's trunk.

What a fucking idiot.

Brooks and Callum were expelled (I had to believe my parents had something to do with that) and Parker was handed in-school suspension for the rest of the year along with weekend detentions up until the last day of school.

This was supposed to be my justice.

But I still felt empty inside.

Because it didn't change anything.

I still had a concussion that would take weeks to heal, I'd be sidelined at the final match, and my every hope and dream was dangling off the edge of a cliff by the thinnest of threads.

It was Neville who passed on to me the information regarding Parker, Callum, and Brooks to me. I nodded at the appropriate times, thanked him when I felt it was necessary, and told him I was fine when he asked even though we both knew it was a lie. He told me that I got what I wanted in the end, I got my justice. And I didn't have it in me to tell him that there was only one thing I wanted and I had already lost it. And then he said the worst possible thing he probably could have said to me.

"My daughter fell in love with you, James," he said. "Don't give her a reason to fall out of it."

He left, leaving me to wonder why it hadn't been Alice who passed along the news to me.

It didn't take long for someone to provide me with the answer.

"She went with your parents to _The Quibbler_ offices," Fred spoke when he wandered in just after lunch. "They wanted to get ahead of the story before the _Prophet_ posted some exaggerated story about how you framed your biggest rivals for the attack."

I sighed. "Great. And is she going to tell the world once again how she's falling in love with me or is she just going to tell them that she already has?"

Fred shot me a dirty look. "And so what if she does?" he scoffed.

I let out another sigh and tilted my head towards the ceiling tiles.

"Y'know, when I freaked out after Ryleigh told me she loved me and I broke up with her, you were there to tell me that even though falling in love might be the most terrifying thing in the world, all we can do is let ourselves fall and hope the right girl is on the other side to catch us," he spoke bluntly. "AliCat has always been that right girl for you, James. _Always_. You need her. So stop acting like you don't."

That conversation felt like years ago when in reality it was just under two months.

It was amazing how much could change in just seven weeks.

"I remember also saying that it's no coincidence that falling in love and falling apart both have the word 'falling' in it," I muttered.

It took a while for Fred to respond to that. "You're not falling apart, James. You're just going through a hard time."

I couldn't help but laugh. "Have you been paying attention at all? Everything I've ever worked for is falling apart!"

"That doesn't mean _you_ have to!" he pleaded.

I could only shake my head. I couldn't be the guy Alice needed me to be. I couldn't be the guy she deserved. I couldn't be the guy who made her happy when I couldn't even make myself happy. I couldn't love her when I had nothing left of myself to give. And she shouldn't love me in return.

"What happened to you not speaking to me?" I muttered. "Let's go back to that."

He frowned and turned away from me. He said nothing for a long time and if I was naïve, I would have thought the conversation was over but I knew Fred too well to think that he was just going to get up and walk away.

"How is it that you came to remember what happened?"

I stole a peek his way. "What?"

"In the Owlery hallway," Fred murmured. "How did you finally remember what happened?"

I had assumed he was going to grill me about Alice again not ask me about the attack. As the memories of it seared through my mind, I wondered if I was better off talking about Alice.

"I went back there," I said with a dismissive shrug. "To the hallway I mean. And it all just came back to me I guess."

I could see the color draining from my cousin's face. "You…you went back to that hallway?"

I nodded.

"So you saw…" he trailed off.

"The destroyed wall, the blood on the ground— _my_ blood—and the debris of that destroyed wall taking up the entire hallway? Yeah, I saw."

Fred was no looking at me in horror. "Fuck, James," he said with a slight sigh. "That couldn't have been easy."

I just shrugged. "It is what it is."

"Don't do that," Fred pleaded. "Don't just dismiss this like it was nothing. It was a big deal. You could have died. You probably would have had those assholes gotten their way. Don't brush it aside like it's nothing. _It's not nothing_."

It felt strange to me that Fred seemed more perturbed by the whole situation than I did. But then again, he was the one who found my near-dead bloodied body buried underneath a pile of substantial rubble so the memory was probably far more vivid in his mind than it was in mine.

"It is what it is" is all I could think of to say again.

I could tell that angered Fred. "You've pissed off a lot of people, James," he said, trying to mask his annoyance.

Was I supposed to care about that?

"We all know you're angry and upset and hurt, but please don't continue to take that out on the-"

"Don't," I scoffed, sending him a rather scathing glare. "I don't need you to justify my own bloody actions, Fred, okay? People should be pissed at me. _Including you_. I've said some pretty shitty things, but the thing is, I meant everything I said. Jax does deserve better than Rose because she'll never stop being a bitch. I just told Lily what everyone is too afraid to tell her, that there is a really good chance she'll lose that final for Gryffindor. Albus doesn't care if I play in that final; in fact, it's better for him that I don't. Alice may not see it but she deserves someone far better than the guy I've been forced to become. Dad never wanted me to play Quidditch and he got his wish so he doesn't get to pretend that he's not happy about this. And as for you…"

Fred was staring at me in the helpless, desperate way everyone seemed to be looking at me lately and it just made me want to throw an incredibly heavy object directly at their heads. "And as for me what?" he growled.

I just shook my head at him, not even sure what the right words were supposed to be. I just felt so trapped in a version of myself I hated and it was a lot easier hating myself if everyone else did, too.

" _Tell me, James_ ," he hissed. "Did you mean what you said to me?"

I didn't really know the answer to that because at the time, I had just said he should have left me in the hallway to die just to get him to walk away. But I didn't know how to thank someone for saving my life when it wasn't much of a life to save.

I slowly sat up and turned to look at him. "If you knew me at all," I spoke softly, "You would have realized how much this would destroy me. You could have saved me from this."

His expression turned soft, his own kind of pain staring back at me, and yet there was a certain rigidity in his eyes that told me he hated me for saying what I was saying. "So I was supposed to just…leave you there? I was supposed to be the person who chose whether you got to live or die? You would have been okay putting that all on my shoulders?"

"Pruitt and Finch and Jessup chose it for me," I snapped at him. "You should have just let it be."

He swiftly climbed off his bed, his head vigorously shaking from side to side. "I'm not doing this with you," he pleaded, his voice breaking. "I'm not having this conversation again. I-I can't…I'm not…" He squeezed his eyes shut and swiftly shook his head.

And when his eyes opened again, all I saw was rage, his eyes blazing with a sort of hatred I had never seen from him before. It scared me for a half-second but not nearly as much as his next words did.

"I will not let you make me feel guilty for _saving your goddamned life_!"he cried out desperately. "I'm not going to let you put that on me! _If you want out, you're going to have to find a way out yourself!_ "

I gaped at the blunt cruelty in his last words but he didn't give me any time to react as he ripped open our bedroom door and stormed out.

 _Find a way out yourself_.

I had been through a lot of tragedy and heartbreak in my life but never once had I neared suicidal thoughts. Even now, the thought hadn't ever really occurred to me. I was a broken mess of a human being, a mere shell of robotic movements, and even I wasn't dumb enough to think that I wasn't sinking into a horrible depression, but even I knew suicide wasn't, and never would be, the answer.

So maybe there was hope for me yet.

If only I knew what that last bit of hope was.

It was easy for me to blame Fred for saving my life. It was easy for me to blame Parker and Brooks and Callum for ruining it. It was easy hating the world for letting me down time and time again.

What wasn't easy was finding a way to deal with all of that.

I took to drinking and fasting and sleeping and skipping classes, letting myself fall into a pit of utter despair because my life felt so bleak. It felt so nonexistent and yet too existent at the same time. It felt helpless and hopeless and worthless. _I felt worthless_. And I was happy that everyone was finally just leaving me alone, letting me brood on my own. The less people I had to deal with the better. I didn't need anyone around to partake in my own pity-party. Being angry was easier when I was alone. I was bitter and I wasn't afraid to admit it. And nothing Fred could say or do would change that.

Actually, there was nothing anyone could say or do that would change that unless a recruiter himself barged into my bedroom and told me I was shoe-in for a starting chaser position on a winning team.

It was a nice fantasy and all but I knew that's all it was. A fantasy.

Which became clear when the letters started pouring in.

The Thundelarra Thunderers and the Woolongong Warriors from Australia thanked me for my original letter and expressed their deep condolences in my accident, neither of them mentioning anything beyond that. Fitchburg Finches and the Sweetwater All-Stars from the States requested recordings and said they'd follow up with me within two months. The Tree-Skimmers from Peru said they were excited to hear I was looking to branch away from European teams and that hopefully they'd see me at open tryouts in June. I got no response from Puddlemere United or the Cannons. But the responses I did get from the recruiters all said the same thing to me: they told me not to give up.

I decided to ignore all of their advice and give up.

That decision was sealed when I read the _Prophet_ headline that morning and felt nothing.

 **Chudley Cannons Take Home The Win and Yet Lose Their Star Chaser**

Cannons ended up winning the series 4 games to 3 and after the game, Henrietta Dobson announced her retirement from the game. At one point, I would have cared. I would have celebrated the win like it was my own. I would have complained to anyone who would listen that losing the veteran chaser would seriously set the Cannons back in their next year. I would have reveled in the Cannons win for a few blissful minutes before commiserating about the upcoming year. I would have smiled and cheered and I would have enjoyed every minute of it.

But it hurt too much to care about a game that had come to a screeching halt for me.

So I stopped paying attention to all things Quidditch-related.

And in doing so I came to the realization that without Quidditch, I didn't know who the hell I was.

But for the first time in my life, I didn't really care enough to find out.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Over the next twenty-four hours, I received more letters from my family. Mum, Dad, Teddy, Louis, Grandmum and Granddad, Uncle Ron and Aunt Hermione, Uncle George. The list went on. And I ignored every single one of them. I knew they were all worried about me but I didn't particularly care what they felt. This was my life that got destroyed and nothing they could say could change that. Nothing.

It was a strange feeling to have, to no longer have a dream or a goal to aim for. I could have written long letters to the entire recruitment field begging them for a chance, begging them to give me my hope back, but I knew that they wouldn't read any of the content. They'd see my surname in the signature field and it would pique their curiosity and they might listen to old recordings because of it or suggest coming to open tryouts, but instead of my talent being the driving force behind any of it, it would be tainted by a mere association to a father who didn't even want me in the Quidditch world.

I didn't want any of it anymore. I lost my chance. My one chance to just be James. And I wasn't at all prepared to go back to being Harry Potter's son.

I'd let myself fade into the background, become the nobody I always feared one day I'd be, and while I wouldn't pretend I was okay with that, I'd eventually let myself accept my ill-fortuned fate. I'd hate it. I'd be miserable. But I'd accept it because there would be nothing left to do.

One day I'd be okay. It would take a long time to get there, but one day, I'd be able to smile again. One day.

But not today. Not yet. Not now.

An article came out in that morning's paper that depicted me as a bad boy heading down yet another wrong path. Stories of me skipping classes, mouthing off to people, insulting my friends, giving up on my team, and drinking in the hallways became headline news. Once upon a time, I might have cared. I might have realized that all I had left was my reputation. But my reputation didn't matter anymore. None of it mattered anymore.

That's when I decided to burn my playbook.

I didn't need it anymore and knowing it was just sitting in my bedside table taunting me was almost too much to bear.

I watched it char in the common room fire, the ashes flying about aimlessly. And after the playbook, I burned all of the letters I had received from the various Quidditch organizations. As I watched my every dream go up in literal flames, I realized then that I felt nothing. Five years of strategies and a lifetime of dreams were disintegrating in front of my very eyes and there wasn't a single part of me that felt sad or brokenhearted or hurt as I watched my entire future burn up in that fire. Because I was done feeling anything. It somehow hurt a lot less feeling nothing.

"What are you burning?"

It was the middle of the afternoon and I had been alone in the common room seeing as everyone else was in class so I was not expecting the familiar voice to interrupt by burning ritual.

Glancing up, I sighed as Dash dropped on to the floor beside me. "Shouldn't you be in class?" I grumbled.

"Shouldn't _you_?"

I just shrugged.

"I'm sorry you're dealing with all of this, James," he spoke softly.

I winced at the clear pity in his tone. I wanted to beg him not to pity me but I had a feeling it would do no good so I just sighed. "Why are you here?"

"Arithmancy got out early."

"No," I murmured, shaking my head at him. "Not why are you physically here. I mean, why do you keep checking up on me? Why is it that everyone else can leave me alone but you can't? _Why are you here, Dash_?"

There was a long silence but I didn't dare turn towards my roommate, staring at the burning pages in front of me as the ash collected in the pit of the fireplace.

"Everyone else can leave you alone because you forced them to leave you alone," he spoke softly. "So why haven't you said something cruel to me yet?"

It was a good question, one I didn't have a good answer to. "Maybe I just don't consider you a close enough friend for me to care enough about what you think."

Dash surprised me by letting out a quiet chuckle. "Ah, and there's that cruel comment I've been waiting for."

I just shrugged. He wasn't wrong.

"Maybe we aren't close friends. Maybe we don't mean that much to each other. But I've lived in a dorm with you for seven years and when I found out what Parker fucking Jessup did, I clocked him in the face not once but twice and got two weeks of detention for it. Worth every minute by the way."

I turned towards him sharply, surprised at the confession. "You punched Jessup?"

"He claims that he didn't know what was going to happen but he had to know on some level," Dash said with a surprising amount of anger in his voice. "So yeah, I punched the little bastard for being an ignorant piece of shit. And I don't think I would have done that for just anybody. So I'd like to think there's at least a small part of me that might actually give a shit about you. And I guess there's a small part of me that kinda hopes you might give a shit about me, too."

I looked over at him. "I'm not sure I give a shit about anyone right now to be honest."

"Except Alice."

I winced. I had grown to roam the hallways in random fashion just so Alice couldn't find a way to track me down. It was cowardly but I didn't really know what other choice I had.

"I've been avoiding her," I admitted.

"No shit," he said. "Remind me why though?"

Because I wanted her to stop loving me as much as I much as I had already stopped loving myself.

And at the same time, I wanted to grab ahold of her and never let her go.

She was the one good thing I had left in my life. _The one good thing_. Which meant that once she gave up on me, once she left me, once she broke things off with me, I would have quite literally nothing left.

Because she would. Give up on me I mean. She would come to realize I was damaged beyond repair, that I was a hopeless cause, that I was a good-for-nothing bum and she would wash her hands of me. And the idea of her breaking that last piece of my heart I had left, that last piece that was barely holding on as it was, filled me with a kind of pain that was insurmountably worse than the pain that had been living in my head over the past week.

No one would ever argue that a concussion wasn't painful.

But it didn't compare to the pain I suddenly felt in my heart.

It didn't even come close.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Later that afternoon, I wandered the halls in a daze. People said their hellos and nodded acknowledgements at me but I barely took notice. My heart felt heavy just as much as it felt empty and I couldn't help but wonder what my future held for me, if it held anything at all. I thought of the playbook burning in that fire and realized that it didn't fill me with dread or anger or even defeat. It didn't fill me with any emotion at all. It just made me realize that the last five years of my life were a complete waste.

Just like my future was.

It was raining when I pushed open the wrought-iron doors and walked out on to the grounds. I barely noticed the quiet raindrops slide down the side my face as I walked across the muddy grass towards the lake. I stared out across the vast body of water, watching as each raindrop caused ripples to dance along the water's edge. It was beautiful in an eerie sort of way but I felt nothing. I had nothing left inside of me to feel.

"James."

Guess I knew that Alice would track me down at some point.

I didn't turn around right away but when I did, I met the sadness in Alice's eyes. "What are you doing out here?" I asked.

"I was going to ask you the same question," she spoke, making her way towards me.

I glanced back towards the water with a shrug. "Needed to get away."

Her head tilted to the side. "In the rain?"

I looked up at the sky. "Oh, is it raining?"

She frowned and it was no longer sadness in her eyes but desperation. "Come back inside," she pleaded.

I slowly shook my head. "No."

She took another step towards me, leaving just a few inches between us. "Standing out in the rain isn't going to help you heal."

"Nothing can help me heal," I blurted out.

She reached for my arm but I jerked it away, moving further away from her. "Tell me what you need, Jay," she pleaded.

What did I need?

Anything short of a timeturner wouldn't be good enough.

Because nothing would be good enough. _I'd_ never be good enough. Not for the world or Quidditch or myself and now, not even for Alice.

Alice Longbottom had been one of the few things, maybe the only thing, in my entire life that had ever made complete sense to me. But nothing else in my life right now made sense and I couldn't depend on her to try and fix it. To try and fix me.

In a whirlwind of pain and anger and resentment, I wanted to be alone and stew silently and feel sorry for myself and I wanted, _all I wanted_ , was to hate the world around me as I faded into the nobody I was once too afraid to admit I'd turn into. I had spent a third of my life feeling helpless and hopeless and angry at everything and everyone but instead of trying to fix any of it, I shoved those emotions into a small compartment of my brain and sealed it shut so as to pretend that as long as I was happy with the person I was, I didn't care what anyone else thought.

But I wasn't happy with the person I was. I never had been. I never will be. And so now that compartment was breaking and all of those emotions I tried so hard to hold back flooded into every crevice of my mind and spilled out into my veins and numbed my every limb and eventually dug a deep hole in the pit of my empty heart until it hurt to feel anything, so much that I forced myself to feel nothing.

And maybe I deserved that. But Alice didn't.

I had been heartbroken earlier that evening at the very thought of Alice giving up on me.

But only because I had known in that very moment that what she needed was for me to give up on her.

Maybe she wouldn't think so. Maybe she wouldn't understand, not right away anyway. Maybe she still believed I was the one for her. But I knew in that last tiny crevice of my heart that I wasn't. I couldn't hold on to her anymore, praying and hoping that her presence would one day be enough to make me feel okay again. I couldn't expect her to save me. I couldn't let her be my only reason to live. I couldn't put that pressure on her. She needed to know that it was okay to let me go.

Even if she wasn't the one doing the letting go.

"I can't do this anymore," I whispered, the words barely audible against the Spring breeze.

"Then come back inside," she pleaded.

"No," I choked out, slowly turning to face her. "I mean, I can't do _us_ anymore."

The shocked look on her face was one I knew would be etched into my memory forever. "You don't mean that," she whispered.

I didn't respond for a while. I let the raindrops slide down my cheeks as I stared at the ripples of the lake, finding an odd sort of comfort in them.

"I do though. I do mean it," I eventually spoke with a single nod. My eye twitched as a sharp pain throbbed in the back of my head. I ignored it. "I'm sorry, Alice, but I can't be the person you need me to be."

She swiftly shook her head. "I'm not asking you to be anyone but you, Jay."

Those words did nothing to alleviate my heartbreak. "But that's the thing, isn't it? I'm not me anymore," I spoke, my voice raising in volume. "And I have to find a way to be okay with that. But I can't do that with you. I can't do that with anyone. I have to find a way to stop hating the world before I'll ever have the chance to stop hating myself."

She stared at me. "I told you not to hate yourself."

"We both knew it was too late."

She turned away quickly. "You don't hate the world, Jay," she whispered desperately. "It's easy to act like you do, but what you truly hate is Brooks and Callum and Parker for taking away your hopes and dreams. _But they didn't take your life_. They could have, but they didn't."

" _They did though_ ," I choked out, my heart crumbling. "They did take my life. Because they took the only thing I ever believed in."

Her eyes captured mine before she said, "They didn't take me."

It was supposed to make me feel better but it didn't. Because she was right. I hadn't lost everything. I still had Alice. I still had one thing left in this crazy, fucked-up, disappointing world. And that meant I still had one more thing to lose. Because it was bound to happen. One day, I'd lose her, too. One day, I would lose the one thing I had left.

There was a reason I spent so much time running from relationships and as much as I'd like to pretend it was because I never wanted to turn out like my parents or because I was too afraid to give a piece of my heart to someone who could easily crush it, I knew that the reason was actually quite simple.

I was afraid to want something that might actually make me happy.

Because I feared, I have always feared, that the moment I found true happiness would be the moment it would all be taken away from me.

And as I stared at my wreckage of a life in front of me, it became clear that I was right to have those fears.

I've never been scared of being alone. That was never my fear. My fear was finding someone who made it impossible to feel alone because that meant I still had something to lose.

I could deal with losing myself.

I couldn't deal with losing Alice.

But this was my life to rescue, not hers.

I couldn't put that burden on her. It wasn't her job to be my guardian angel. It wasn't her job to save me, to fix me, to build me back up when I'm feeling down. It wasn't her job to take care of me when I couldn't be bothered to do the same.

One day, I'd find a way to be okay with the simple man I'd be forced to portray but I couldn't drag her down with me as I worked through it all. I couldn't do that to her. And frankly, I couldn't do that to myself. I couldn't watch her get everything she ever wanted while I watched from the sidelines and became nothing more than a meaningless spectator of her life.

How could I allow her to love me when there was nothing left to love?

"But they took me," I eventually whispered. " _Don't you get that_? They took the only thing in my life that made me feel alive. That made me feel as if I was worth something. They took the only thing that made me me. So here I am, a guy that has nothing and _is_ nothing who won't play Quidditch or will play with a team that doesn't care about the game or will be a measly reserve just because my name will get me there or maybe I'll just wind up some second-rate loser in some dead-end Ministry job that won't make me happy and it'll just destroy me even more than everything already has and-"

"Jay," she cut me off, her head rocking from side to side. "I don't care about where you end up or what you decide to do with your life. I don't care about you being famous or playing Quidditch. I don't care about any of that. None of that matters to me. You know that."

"But it should!" I cried out, another searing pain cutting through the back of my head at my mere attempt at shouting. "I want you to care. I want it to matter! _I don't want you to just accept me and my failures as if that's the way it's supposed to be_. You deserve better than that. You deserve to be with someone who doesn't feel like that failure every time they're with you."

The color in her face drained. "I make you feel like a failure?"

I hadn't meant to say that but as I did, I realize those words held a lot of truth. She deserved better than me and every time I looked at her, that's all I was ever going to see. I was going to see this radiant girl who had the world at her fingertips and ultimately settled for a guy who had nothing and who was nothing.

I didn't know how to respond. I didn't know what to say. Hell, I didn't know what to feel. I just knew I felt trapped inside my own body and there wasn't a damned thing Alice could ever say or do that would make me feel differently.

"You can have everything you ever wanted, everything you've ever dreamed of, everything that ever mattered to you," I whispered. "The world is your oyster, Alice. My world? It's just the slimy seaweed dying in the bottom of the lake. We aren't the same anymore. Maybe we never really were. You have the world at your fingertips. I don't. So go chase after your oysters and just…just let me be the seaweed."

Tears filled her eyes and some slipped out. And the fact that there wasn't even a small part of me that wanted to reach over and kiss away those tears made me realize that I truly was empty inside.

"You aren't seaweed to me, Jay," she whispered desperately. "You _are_ my oyster, my pearl, _my world_. I love you, Jay. I love you with everything I have."

Yeah, but for how long? How long will I be her world before she realizes there's a whole other world out there, a better one that deserves to be hers? How long will she love me until she realizes there's nothing there to love?

"And I'm telling you not to," I begged.

Another tear fell from her eyes and soon, her blue eyes were blurred by sadness.

"You told me once that you would choose me over Quidditch," she whispered desperately. "Do you remember that? You said nothing mattered more to you than me. Don't let this change us, Jay."

If ever there was an argument to be made in her favor, it was that.

Only it wasn't enough.

"But I didn't choose this," I whispered hoarsely. "I didn't choose to give up Quidditch. _It was chosen for me_. And I feel so lost and broken because of it. I hate what I've become and I wish I could tell you that being with you doesn't make that worse, but it does. _It does_. Because the more you love me in spite of that, the more I hate you for not realizing that _you deserve better_."

She just stared at me, the frustration and anger evident in her tear-stained eyes. "Does telling me I deserve better somehow make this easier for you? As if forcing yourself to believe that you're doing this for me and not for your own screwed-up selfish reasons _makes it okay_?"

She wasn't completely wrong to say that but I had my blinders on, my desperate and heartbroken blinders on, needing her to be a better person for herself. Needing her to just leave me behind.

"I'm not good enough for you. I'll never be good enough for you," I croaked out. "You're Head Girl and everyone loves you and they respect you and you're funny and beautiful and you are going to go off and become famous in your own way, whether it's for Quidditch or for just finding a way to be the best damned version of yourself, and I'll just be watching from the sidelines as you get everything you've ever wanted and I'll start to hate you for it. I won't want to but I will. Please, Ace, you just… _you have to let me go_."

Her breath hitched at those words as the shock filled her expression, her head shaking back and forth in confusion and disbelief as she tried to figure out what to even say. "I can't do that, Jay. I won't."

"You have to."

" _No_ ," she whispered, taking a step towards me.

On instinct, I took a step back. Tears shone in Alice's eyes but she blinked them away.

"I'm not going to let you ruin the last good thing in your life, Jay," she pleaded. "I'm not going to let you sink away into a pit of self-despair and a bunch of what-ifs and what-could-have-beens. _You are better than that_."

 _"And you are better than me_ ," I choked out.

"What…" she trailed off, swiftly shaking her head from side to side. "I'm not better than you, Jay. I'm not better than anyone. You may feel stuck in the past, too afraid to find out what your future may hold, but I don't have to be afraid of that because I know your future includes me. _Your future is mine, too, Jay_. Don't you get that?"

"I don't want your future to be mine!" I blurted out. "You are perfect in every way, Ace, and I am not. It never bothered me before because I knew I had my own niche in life but I don't have a niche anymore. I don't have a dream or a goal or a future. And just because you're okay living someone else's dreams doesn't mean that I am."

She gaped at me, her mouth hanging open. "What…what the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"It means that all you've ever striven for in your entire life was perfection and even when you got it, it was never good enough," I blurted out before I could even stop myself. "You go after all the right things _for the wrong reasons_ because all you've ever done is try to make your mother proud, a woman who pretty much only exists in your mind. But don't let yourself get dragged down with me just because you've never known how to just let go of the past."

So much confusion and irritation and disbelief stared back at me, her eyes darkening with a reluctant intensity. I could tell she was starting to lose her cool but call me crazy, that's what I wanted. I wanted her to walk away, I wanted her to leave me alone, to let me go, to just move on from the idea of me in her head.

"So is this what you're going to do then?" she spoke coolly, her eyes narrowing at me. "Pick a fight with me _over my deceased mother_ in hopes that I'll get so enraged that I might actually find a way to resent you?"

Fuck, she knew me well.

But maybe not well enough.

If she thought I was going to back down, she was wrong. Maybe I should have. Maybe I shouldn't have answered her. Maybe I shouldn't have called her out on all the things I never pretended to care about before. Maybe I shouldn't have said anything at all.

But I had told her that I needed her to find a way to let me go. And I finally gave her a reason to.

"If I was picking a fight with you, I'd tell you that your mother died when you were just a kid and it's like ever since that happened, you aim for certain things that you are convinced would have made her happy. I'd say that you don't do anything for yourself, Alice, which should make you the most unselfish person on the planet but it just makes you sad and fragile because you try so desperately to be someone that isn't you in order to please someone that isn't here. I'd say that people always tell you that got Head Girl because of your dad but it wasn't because of him, it was because of your mum. That she's the only reason you ever wanted it but what are you going to do with it? Become a Quidditch player? Or a part-manager of a bar? _I'd say you worked so hard to get that Head Girl's badge and it doesn't even mean anything_. It'll never mean anything. Because you are so afraid of becoming the best version of yourself! Because that means you'll have nothing left to achieve which means you'll have to let her go. _You'll have to let your mother go._ And you don't want that. I'd tell you that you want to play Quidditch because that's where you feel the closest with your mother when you're flying on that broom and you can imagine her sitting in the stands cheering you on and I'd tell you that you get lost in your sketches because your mother was an artist and you feel compelled to follow in her footsteps and I'd tell you that you dream of traveling the world because it's just another way for you to escape your own insecurities and I'd tell you that you're afraid to settle down at the Leaky Cauldron because you don't want to find out that you don't hate it at all, that you were always meant to be there, that that is the closure you claim you've always wanted but you never really did. If I was picking a fight, I'd tell you that you feel like you're a burden to everyone in your life, to your father and to your sister and to yourself and to the memory of your mother, but I'd tell you that you put yourself there. _You did this to yourself_. And then I'd say that maybe I'm not the only one here who hates what they've become. If I was picking a fight with you, that is what I would say."

I knew with every word I spoke, I was breaking her heart, and now as I looked into the hurt eyes of my best friend, it became clear that I just drew the line in the sand.

I hadn't planned on doing it but I knew in the only part of my heart that I had left that all of those words had been there dangling on the tip of my tongue the moment she took a seat beside me, knowing it might be the only thing I could say to get her to resent me just as much as I resented myself.

But seeing the betrayal etched into her blue eyes somehow made me wonder if hurting her first, before she could ever hurt me, was actually worth it.

"Is…" she trailed off, shaking her head as the tears blurred across her eyes, "Is that really how you see me? As some desperate girl just chasing after her mother's shadow?"

Don't answer, James. Don't answer that. No good can come from you answering that.

"If I was picking a fight with you, I'd say, yeah, that's how I see you."

Yeah, I definitely shouldn't have answered.

She took a step back. And then another, her eyes never leaving mine as I watched her heart break in front of my very eyes. Nothing was said, she just stared at me with the most sullied eyes I have ever seen, the damage I just did to her heart on display in her desolate expression.

"Y'know, James, never once in my life did even the smallest part of me ever hate you. Until right now," she spoke, her voice barely above a whisper. "Go to hell."

I didn't have to go far. I was already in hell.

She turned on her heel and ran off in a hurry. I could have gone after her, I probably should have, but I didn't.

I just turned back towards the lake and watched the rain wash away the very last piece of my heart.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I didn't know how long I sat out there, probably too long, waiting for the ache in my heart to subside but it never really did. My suffering heart seemed to hurt far more than the quiet pain throbbing in the back of my head, which only made me wonder when it would all just stop hurting. When I would feel whole again, when I would feel like myself, when every step I took or every thought I had didn't immediately cause a reaction somewhere in my aching body. I wanted out, wanted to get away from this world and myself. I didn't even why I was still there at Hogwarts when there was nothing left for me there.

Then again, there wasn't much left for me anywhere so it's not like I had somewhere else to go.

That realization hit me the hardest. I had always believed that I had the entire world to explore right in front of me, but I no longer even had that. I had nowhere to go. No one to count on. Nothing to do. My life was at a complete standstill and it hurt so much more than I ever thought it could.

I lost everything, including myself, because that had been the easy choice. It had been easy falling apart, pushing away every single person in my life who might have at one point meant anything. I didn't need them and more importantly, I didn't want them. I didn't want anything. I didn't even really feel sorry for myself anymore, I just felt numb.

Because feeling nothing hurt a lot less than feeling everything.

Eventually I did pull myself off that bench, but every step I took towards the castle felt deadened. I could see the raindrops slipping down my cheeks and splashing against my limbs but I was immune to it all. There was a clap of thunder above me but it felt so far away. I had thought I felt like a nobody before but only now was I a real nobody, for forcing myself into a life of solitude, for breaking the heart of the only person in the world who had never broken mine, for hurting all of the people I might have once cared about.

The door to the Entrance Hall felt both heavy and light at the same time. I could hear the sound of my rain-soaked shoes sloshing against the stone floor as I wiped the rain from my brow. I was shivering but I felt no cold. I didn't feel anything. Not remorse or regret or heartbreak or pain. All of that faded and as sad and demoralizing as that might sound to others, it sounded so incredibly refreshing to me right now.

 _"You fucking moron."_

I turned around in the hallway with a frown. "And a happy Tuesday to you, too, Freddo."

"It's Wednesday, you asshole."

Oh.

I shrugged. "Time flies when you've got nothing to care for."

Fred strode down the hallway with a glare etched into his expression, stopping just in front of me. I had half-expected him to hit me but he seemed to refrain from doing so. "You had one last thing to care for," he hissed, "And you tossed her aside. She was supposed to be the one light in all of the goddamned darkness and you just had to go and shut her out, too. _She was supposed to be the one person you didn't shut out_. She was supposed to be the girl you loved! And instead you destroyed her! I don't know what you said to her, she refuses to tell me, but you fucked her up a good amount."

I could only nod. "I know," I murmured.

His hands curled into tight fists at his side. "That's it?" he hissed. "That's all you have to say?"

If I had the energy to shrug I would have. But I didn't. So I just stared at him with what I could only assume were very hollow eyes.

The anger in his eyes unexpectedly disappeared and was replaced with an incredible amount of concern. He did a quick onceover on me and I had a feeling he was only now seeing that I was drenched in rain, my clothes sticking to my thinning body and the condensation dripping from my every limb. I had to blink a few times for the rain from my hair kept getting into my eyes.

"James," he choked out, his bottom lip trembling. "I don't know what to do or say to you anymore. Hell, I don't think I ever knew what to say or do. I don't know whether to leave you alone or try to talk to you or yell at you or get you drunk or smack you around a bit. The only thing that I do know is that you are really starting to scare me."

If I was being frank, I was really starting to scare myself, too. There have been plenty of times in my life I felt lost and broken and empty. But this was the first time I actually believed I wouldn't be able to bounce back. This was the first time it really struck me that this was my life now. This was the first time I didn't feel like me and yet felt like the only truly sad version of me all at the same time. This was the first time I felt as if I had nothing to live for.

And for so long I blamed the world for that, but Alice had been right. The world wasn't at fault. Maybe Brooks and Callum and Parker were partly at fault, but I couldn't blame the whole world for that. Because the truth was, the truth I had been neglecting to face, was that the only person I could really blame was myself for giving up before even trying.

But I didn't know how not to give up. I didn't know how to believe in myself again. I didn't know how to fight for what I deserved. Because I honestly didn't know what I deserved anymore. After everything I've said and done over the past week, I felt that the only thing I deserved was to be sad and angry and hurt and most of all, alone. It was easier being alone, to avoid the pain that came with constantly being let down by the people around me, but being alone wasn't going to stop my heart from aching. It was just going to make it worse because even though there have been plenty of times in my life I claimed to feel alone, I never truly was. Not when Alice was right there by my side.

And yet, I let her go. I thought it was for the best. I thought I was doing it for her. I thought I was holding her back. I knew it would hurt but I thought this was what I wanted. What I needed. But the only thing I've ever really needed was her.

And that, my friends, is what we call irony.

"I just wanted her to be let off the hook," I croaked out as I stared regretfully at the floor.

I could feel Fred's eyes on me. " _You_ wanted that," he spoke softly. "But she never did."

I didn't respond. I had nothing to say to that because he was of course right. I wasn't trying to protect her heart, I was trying to protect mine. That's all I've ever done, ever since I was a blindsided, hurt eleven-year-old boy. I pushed away every single person in my life. I built a wall around my heart and never touched it. My guard has been up for six years and I never took it down. I spent my years leading with my head and ignoring my heart. And in my extreme moment of weakness, instead of just letting the one person in who had always seemed to be the exception to my rules, I once again led with my head because I was too scared to listen to my heart.

She did deserve better. But not for the reasons I said. But because she deserved someone who not only loved her but who could actually say the words aloud.

And after everything she had ever done for me, I still couldn't seem to do that.

"I know" was all I could think to whisper.

Fred seemed unsatisfied with that answer but before he could respond, I spoke up again. "She told me she loved me."

Still, I stared at the ground but I could still feel Fred's eyes on me. "I know."

A lump formed in my throat. "She shouldn't."

He swiftly shook his head. "You can't always help who you love, James," he spoke softly. "And if she could, AliCat would still choose you."

My heart lurched at those words, the lump in my throat only growing with guilt. "She shouldn't," I choked out. "She…she really shouldn't."

Fred's gaze fixated on me once again but I refused to look at him. I couldn't. I couldn't see the pity or the sympathy or the regret in his eyes. I couldn't bear it.

"Tell me what you need, James," he whispered. "Tell me so I can help you. So that _someone_ can help you."

What did I need?

I needed my life back.

But I was never going to get it. And maybe if this was the climactic moment of some heroic tale where the hero would have their ultimate come-to-Jesus epiphany, I'd have realized that I'm alive and therefore still had a life to live.

Only, this wasn't some story and I certainly wasn't a hero.

So I just I just looked up, finally meeting the anguish in my cousin's face, and said, "I can't be helped, Fred. So please, just stop trying."

And I took off before he could say one more thing to break my already shattered heart.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

 **A/N:** Oh, James. I just want to scoop him up in a hug and never let him go. And then I want to punch him in the face for telling Alice all the things he knew she'd never forgive him for. Sorry if anyone thought this chapter might be uplifting considering the raincloud that coated the last chapter but it's going to take some time for James to bounce back.

If he bounces back.

Up next: a surprise visitor.


	40. Let Her Go

**A/N:** Now wait a minute, this can't be right. I'm back in less than one week with an update? Why yes, yes I am. I love the mixed reviews I'm getting. Some people love the angtsy James. Some would like for him to snap out of it. To this I say, I agree with both sides. I think we all know that James can be just a tad overdramatic (translation: ridiculously overdramatic) and convincing himself that his life is over and taking everyone down with him is pretty much exactly the way anyone should expect him to act. But the good news is that once someone hits rockbottom, there really isn't anywhere to go but up, right?

I guess time will only tell.

* * *

 **A WAY WITH WORDS**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 40: Let Her Go

" _Staring at the ceiling in the dark_ _  
_ _Same old empty feeling in your heart_ _  
_ _Love comes slow and it goes so fast_ _  
_ _Well you see her when you fall asleep_ _  
_ _But never to touch and never to keep_ _  
_ _'Cause you loved her too much and you dive too deep_ _  
_ _'Cause you only need the light when it's burning low_ _  
_ _Only miss the sun when it starts to snow_ _  
_ _Only know you love her when you let her go."_ _  
_-Passenger

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

My bedroom was empty when I returned that evening and I let out a huge sigh of relief. I dug through my trunk for a bottle of firewhisky or mead or halo-gin and regretfully came up completely blank. Evidently, I had already drank it all.

With an annoyed grunt, I flopped on to my bed and glanced at Franny scurrying about in her cage. "You still love me, right Fran?"

She hiccupped and I took that as a yes.

Oh, Merlin, now I was talking to my pygmy puff. My life really was pathetic.

I crawled into bed and tried to sleep the memories of the day away.

I couldn't.

Tossing and turning, the look on Alice's face after I totally destroyed her heart was one I knew would be etched into my memory forever. I hadn't ever seen her that heartbroken before. I had been there when her mother died and again when her grandmother died and while she had been a broken, lost soul, there was still some life behind her eyes. But I managed to extinguish all signs of life the moment I "didn't" pick a fight with her.

I wish I could say that I regretted it, and in time I would, but as I laid in bed staring up at the cracked ceiling, it had done exactly what I had wanted it to do. Hearing her say she hated me was like a punch to the gut and a knife to the heart and a curse to the spine all rolled into one painful crusade but there was no coming back from what I said. And that is exactly what I had wanted.

What I _needed_ was still up in the air but if she was finally going to let me go then maybe my words to her weren't so bad.

Then again, the look on her face after I spoke those horrendous words made me think otherwise.

I wondered for a brief moment how could I be so satisfied and yet so ashamed of what I did all at once but it didn't take me long to come up with the answer. My head and my heart had been in conflict for days, my thoughts and my emotions a jumbled mess of overwhelming turmoil. I didn't know how to listen to what either of them were saying so I was choosing not to listen at all. I was saying things and doing things on a whim instead of using rationality. My judgment was impaired by the concussion and the heartbreak, not to mention my very heavy liquid diet of alcoholic beverages and my lack of real sleep. I wasn't myself.

Then again, I wasn't even sure who "myself" was.

I tossed and turned for another few hours, listening to the door open and close a handful of times, the sound of my roommates' footsteps, and then later the sound of their quiet snores. I listened to Franny scurry around her cage and I listened to the soothing sound of raindrops slip down the windowpanes. I closed my eyes and listened carefully to the sound of birds and owls in the distance, imagined myself wandering aimlessly through the Forbidden Forest as the darkness enveloped my outsides as much as it had eaten away at my heart.

At some point, I must have drifted off because the next time I awoke, I could see the light pouring through the window. Night had come and gone and with it, a new morning had arrived.

I peeled my hangings open and was grateful for the second time in under twelve hours to find that I was alone in the room. People only gave me more anxiety than I was already riddled with. Maybe being alone didn't have to be so bad.

Maybe.

But I also couldn't help but wonder if this was what my life was destined to be. Me, my bed, and my depressing thoughts. What did my future hold? Did I even have a future? Was it even a future I wanted?

The door creaked open and I cringed, not sure who I wanted to see less: Parker, Fred, or Dash.

Imagine my surprise when it was my sister who peeked her head in.

I stared at her from the comfort of my own bed, wondering what on Earth she was doing standing there. I thought she had fallen under the category of people who currently were displeased with me.

"Just got back from Quidditch practice," she said, leaning up against the doorframe.

"Yeah, and how many snitches didn't you catch?" I said before I could stop myself.

Her eyes darkened. "I came here because I heard about you and Alice and I knew how much you must be hurting so how about you don't be a dick right now?"

"How about you get the hell out of my room?" I growled.

"So this is how it's going to be then?" she seethed, stomping her foot on the ground that make her look much like a petulant child. "You're just going to wallow in self-pity over your horrible life and pretend that you are all alone in your fucked-up world?"

"It'd be a lot easier to pretend to be alone if you _got the hell out of my room_."

The anger in her eyes was unmistakable. I wondered for a brief moment where my wand was because there was a very good chance I'd need to protect myself from a hex my sister was bound to throw my way any minute now. "I know that your perfect little world got turned completely upside down. I know that every dream you ever had feels impossible now. I know that there are two jackasses out there who held so much of a grudge towards you that they nearly took your life and I know that it sucks to know that your life was put into someone else's hands other than your own. _I know how much pain you're in and I know you don't know how to deal with that_. But dammit, James, let us help you! Let someone in for a change! Stop pushing us all away, ignoring us, avoiding us, _stop feeling like you have to go through this by yourself_. We are your family and we are trying to be here for you. _You just have to let us_."

Every word my sister spoke just annoyed me. She didn't' know what I was going through. No one knew. So there was nothing they could do to help me. There was nothing that anybody could do. This was my life now. It wasn't something I had to figure out. It was just something I had to cope with.

"Who put you up to this?" I asked bluntly.

The anger in Lily's eyes faded into confusion. "What?"

"All of this 'let us help you, we're your family and are trying to be here for you, just let us in' bullshit," I growled. "That's not you speaking. So who is it? Mum? Dad? Grandmum? Teddy?"

She gaped at me. "You think I need someone to tell me to worry about you?" she drawled. "Please, James. That ship has long sailed."

"Well, how about you jump on that ship and sail with it," I snapped, waving my hand down the proverbial river.

Her eyes clouded over once again with frustration. "How many bloody times do we all have to tell you that we're not going anywhere before you actually believe us?"

I practically flew out of my bed, my own anger getting the better of me, and charged towards my sister, who took a step back in panicked confusion. "And how many letters do I have to ignore, how many times do I have to say 'fuck off,' how many rude comments do I have to make before you all just _leave me the hell alone_?" I screamed in my sister's face.

Her eyes widened in fear and she said nothing, her mouth parting at my unexpected outburst. I could feel my own anger dissipate as every quiet second passed until she finally spoke. "Oh, James," she whispered, her voice full of pain, "You are really messed up right now, aren't you."

Messed up didn't even begin to describe it.

"The only messed up one here is you for being a shitty seeker and an even shittier sister. _Get the hell out_."

There was so much emotion in her eyes – sorrow, regret, pain, shame, fear – but ultimately, her eyes filled with unavoidable hurt at the ease in which I insulted her. "You can't go on like this," she spoke, her irritation laced with heavy concern. "Figure out what the hell it is you need to recover, to heal, to move on. Whether you need to talk to someone or just get away from the castle for a few days or just sit down and have a good, long cry. I don't care what it is. But figure it out, James, because whether you believe this or not, your life does not have to be all about the bad. Find the good again. Because it's there. I know it is."

She left then and I was grateful because had she stayed, there was a strong chance I'd be the one hexing her and I had a feeling people wouldn't be too keen on that.

I dropped down on to the edge of my bed with a growl, replaying Lily's last words in my head despite trying to ignore them.

 _Figure out what the hell it is you need_.

If I knew what I needed, if I knew what could be done to fix the mess that my life was, doesn't she realize that I would have done that by now?

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I fell asleep again, grateful for the long slumber for the only time I didn't think of the look on Alice's face as I completely destroyed her was when I was sleeping. When I next awoke, the room was quiet once again. Glancing at my watch, I noticed that it was nearing six o'clock in the evening. I had literally slept all day.

Lily's words taunted me as I tore open my hangings, wondering if I'd ever find any good in myself again. Wondering if there'd ever be any good. I certainly was messed up, as Lily so eloquently pointed out, and there were moments, very brief moments, that I wondered what the hell I needed to do to climb out of the hole I dug myself into. But I knew it would be a very long and arduous journey and it seemed that the easier thing to do was to just give up. I always was quite skilled at taking the easy way out.

My eyes caught sight of a stack of letters sitting haphazardly on my bedside table. Sifting through them, I recognized my father and my mother and Teddy and Louis' handwriting. I stared at them, momentarily curious as to what any of them might have to say, but I knew it was just going to be more of the whole 'don't lose sight of who you are' and 'keep your head up' and 'don't give up' bullshit that I was hardly interested in reading about. One of them probably said 'if you don't respond soon, I'm going to sic Lily on you' though a guess as to which letter held those words was completely up in the air.

I stared at them for just a minute longer before reaching over and tearing them up one by one just like I had with their previous letter. As I picked up the last one, my Dad's, it struck me that my father had probably written more to me in the last week than he had in the last five years.

If I was a better person, that might have been enough to get me to read it.

But I wasn't a good person, which we've already established, so I ripped his up, too.

Taking the scraps, I opened up Franny's cage and lined the bottom of it. I had been taking rather poor care of Franny lately, which wasn't all that surprising since I was taking rather poor care of myself, too. She was probably the last living thing on Earth that didn't completely hate me so I reached into her cage and tried to pull her out. But in doing so, she almost immediately bit me and I found myself dropping her to the floor as I cried out.

Okay, maybe she did hate me.

Bringing my finger to my lips to soothe the pain, I dropped to my knees as the pygmy puff scurried underneath my bed. It was a mess down there, an array of old books and parchment as well as dirty clothes and mismatched shoes.

"Franny," I cooed, sifting through the old clutter. I saw her shuffling away, curling up against the back wall. I groaned. "Oh, c'mon, Fran. Don't make me crawl to you."

She ignored me. Then again, I had ignored her for a week so this was only a fair retaliation. But I was hardly in the mood for her dramatics.

Sighing, I started shoving away more litter in an attempt to make a path to get to her. And in doing so, I suddenly found my father's face staring up at me.

I froze, my heart leaping out of its chest as my gaze landed on to the framed photo of me on my father's shoulders at my first Quidditch match that my father had given to me for my birthday.

My heart began to race as I reached for the frame. The glass had long broken so I shook away the fragments and reached in to pull out just the print. I held it up and stared at it, the happy father and son that used to be. It felt like such a lifetime ago and yet I could somehow smell the stale butterbeer in the air and I could taste the near-burnt popcorn on my tongue and I could feel the hot sun on my face and I could hear the sound of enthusiastic cheers as if it was yesterday. It was a memory that I had always stored in the back of my head, one of my first memories and one of my best. And the moment my Quidditch dreams began.

I didn't know how my life would turn out at the time. I didn't know if I'd be any good at the sport but I dreamed anyway. And I never really let that dream go.

As I stared down at the smiling faces, I wondered if I might have been better off not dreaming at all.

Maybe Dad had been right all these years. Maybe I should have allowed myself to believe in other dreams outside of Quidditch.

I thought back to our last exchange in the hospital wing where I accused him of being happy that I lost out on my dream. I thought of the surprise and the anguish in his face and in his tone. It was clear I had hurt him.

But the worst part was, I had done it intentionally.

My initial reaction to any letdown or disappointment was to find someone to blame for it and my father had been in the wrong place at the wrong time. I was always so quick to judge him, to resent him, to accuse him of not being a good father. And maybe he wasn't perfect but then again, neither was I. Our very first conflict that popped up after we laid everything out on the line to each other had me jumping down his throat yet again. He had sat at my bedside for thirty straight hours without sleep and instead of appreciating him or thanking him, I accused him of being happy about it.

 _What the hell was wrong with me_?

All he ever did was love me and all I ever did was refuse to let him.

It was the same thing I had done with Mum.

The same thing I had done with Albus and Lily and Rose and Fred.

And it was the same thing I had done with Alice.

I pushed every single person that had ever cared about me away, turned my back on them because I couldn't bear the idea of not just letting down myself but letting them down, too. I was so ashamed of who I was, of the nobody I had turned myself into that I had actually convinced myself that they all thought I was a nobody, too. Only, they didn't. They had believed in me when I had stopped believing in myself. They hadn't given up on me even when I begged them to. I had still gotten daily letters from Mum and Dad and from the rest of the family, and Fred and Alice had refused to leave me alone, begging me to let them in. And I didn't. I was too busy hating the world, and myself, to see that it wasn't hate staring back at all.

It was love.

But there was a good chance it wasn't staring back anymore.

And this time the only person I could blame was myself.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I found myself wandering down to the war memorial on the grounds, the photo of me and Dad now folded up in my back pocket. I had spent the last five years hating that memorial for the sole reason that it had always reminded me of my father and now I was there needing it to remind me of him, needing to know that even though I might have given up on myself, there was still possibly a world out there waiting for me to explore it.

I sat down on the marble bench and scanned the various names in front of me. I had grown up hearing so many stories about all of those who gave their lives in order to give our generation the lives we deserved and here I was hating that same life they gave to me. They had lived during a war and died fighting in it. Quidditch suddenly seemed so insignificant now.

Or maybe it was just me that was insignificant.

After the way I treated my friends and family, I certainly felt that way.

 _Figure out what the hell it is you need to recover, to heal, to move on_.

Lily's words ran through my head over and over again. I wanted there to be an answer staring me in the face but if that was the case, I wouldn't be feeling so lost. I could talk to a therapist but talking to people had never been my forte. I considered for a moment reaching out to Teddy who had helped me through a lot already that year but I didn't know what he could say that I hadn't heard from everyone else already. I could get away from the castle for a few days, there was certainly much appeal to that, but I'd have to return eventually and my problems would be waiting for me once again. I'm sure I could benefit from a good, long cry but I had never been much of a crier in the past and I couldn't imagine that a few minutes of intense sobbing would make much of a difference.

So I was stuck. I was at least considering my options instead of refusing them altogether but I was still standing in a crowded room, screaming my lungs out and no one was even lifting their head to look at me. I felt trapped in my own body with my own thoughts with my own heartbreak and it was as if the answer to moving past all of this was dangling on a string right in front of me but I just couldn't quite reach it. What was I even reaching for?

I pulled out the photo from my back pocket and stared at it, searching for the answer in the past. Life had been so easy back then, so uncomplicated. Sometimes, I wished I could go back to being that kid just so I could do my life over again, so I could make better decisions and spend more of it being happy.

I wondered then if I'd ever really be happy again.

I shoved the photo back in my pocket, wondering if it was better to just keep it there for good.

"Hi there."

I looked up, stunned as my father sat down beside me. "What…" I said, my eyes widening. "What are you doing here?"

Dad looked over at the memorial, a frown seeping into his expression. "You weren't answering any of our letters," he said softly.

I stared at him. "So you just…randomly showed up at my school?"

He met my gaze. "We couldn't let another day go by not hearing from you."

I paused. "'We?'" I asked in dread.

"Your mother wanted to come, too," he spoke in grave concern. "But we thought that might overwhelm you a bit so it's just me for now."

Him being there was plenty overwhelming as it was. I didn't want him there. I didn't want him to see me so lost and broken. I didn't want anyone to see me like that. I just wanted to sit at that memorial until everything turned out okay again.

Only I knew that that would never happen.

"You shouldn't have come all the way here," I whispered hoarsely. "Fred and Alice and Dash and Neville and Lily have tried to help me and they failed. So what makes you think that you can?"

Silence followed. It dragged on for so long I wondered for a moment if he had even heard me. But then he began to speak. "Because I've been there, James," he spoke, his voice coming out in a choked whisper. "I know what it's like to feel your entire world crashing down around you. To wish you were someone else, _anyone else_. I know what it's like to feel alone even when surrounded by so many good people. To feel loss, to feel pain, to feel like your heart is literally breaking. I know what it's like to feel like you're standing in the middle of a crowded room screaming out and there is no one there to offer you a way out. I know what it's like to feel useless, like you're a nobody, like you're nothing, like your life isn't worth living. _I know what it's like, James_. I know what you're going through. I know what you're thinking. I know what you're feeling. And I know that it is the single most painful thing you will ever have to go through, to find a way to keep going when all you want to do is give up."

There was a stinging in my eyes at the sound of sheer desperation in my father's tone, his voice nearly cracking in shame with every word he spoke. When I glanced up at him, I could see that I wasn't the only one trying to blink back the tears.

"And maybe you won't believe me when I say this because you can't see anything past the pain and the heartache but it does get better, James. _It gets better_ ," he pleaded. "You just have to fight through it, James. You just have to not give up on yourself. You just have to breathe. And take it one day at a time."

How could I fight when I had no fight left in me? How could I not give up when I had nothing left to live for? How could I breathe when all that seemed to do was bring me more pain? How could I live a life that no longer felt like mine?

"When?" I pleaded.

I could feel my father's inquisitive eyes on me. "When what?"

"When does it get better?" I begged, choking back my tears.

There was another brief pause of silence before he spoke again. "I wish I had an answer for you but the answer is different for everyone," he whispered.

I could feel the tears threatening to slip out so I squeezed my eyes shut. "What if there is no answer for me?" I choked out. "What if this is my life now? One of regret and tragedy and lost dreams and hopelessness? What if…what if all I'll ever be is a nobody?"

His hand met my shoulder and if I had any energy inside of me, I might have shrugged him off. But I didn't. "James, look at me," he pleaded.

I just squeezed my eyes shut tighter.

" _Please look at me_."

My bottom lip trembled as I slowly opened my eyes and turned towards my father, his face blurring in front of me as the tears filled my eyes no matter how much I tried blinking them away.

" _You are not a nobody_ ," he whispered, his own voice cracking. "Maybe they destroyed your chance to play in that Quidditch final, _but they did not destroy you_. You have such incredible strength inside of you, more than you give yourself credit for. You have bounced back from pain and tragedy and adversity time and time again. You know how to fight. You know how to dream. You know how to go after what you want. _This is not the end of you, son_. You still have a life to live. You just have to find the strength to fight for it."

It wasn't that I didn't know how to fight for it.

It was that I didn't know if I even wanted to.

I felt a tear slide down my cheek, followed quickly by another until I couldn't hold them in anymore. The tears broke like a dam, coming out in one rushing sob. I brought my hands to my face, buried myself behind them as I finally just let all of my emotions go, let myself feel the pain and the turmoil. I felt the loss of my future and the loss of Alice. I felt my friends slipping away from me and the concern of my family. I felt the anger towards Parker, Brooks, and Caleb and I felt guilt towards those I've intentionally hurt with my words. I felt the stabbing pain in my heart and the throbbing pain inside my head. With those tears, I let myself feel emotion for the first time in a week. Every inch of my body felt the emotional pain I've been holding back for so long and it was excruciating. I no longer felt numb or empty, I just felt pure agony. Torturous, paralyzing agony.

I thought of the many depressing thoughts I had had over the week, convinced that my life was over. Wondering what it would be like to have my life just be…over. I had thought it so many times. I had wished that Parker and Brooks and Callum could have just finished the job. I had thought my life had no meaning anymore so I thought what was the point of living it. I had been a depressed boy who had lost everything that had ever mattered to him and I had actually believed that the answer to dealing with any of it was to just stop caring about anything and anyone, especially myself.

But I was still here. I was still alive. And even though my life got immensely more complicated, it was still a life to live.

Like Dad had said, I needed to fight, to find a way to move past the pain and start living again. I needed to find the strength to go on, to take it one day at a time. I needed to continue to dream, to find something worth going after.

I had hit rockbottom but that only meant that there was nowhere left to go but up.

Suddenly, just as soon as the torturous, paralyzing agony had enveloped my entire body, slowly it faded. My losses were replaced with acceptance. My anger was replaced with sadness. My pain was replaced with understanding.

Lily had been right. All I had really needed was one, long cry to make me realize there was more to this life than the bad. So much of that life was still unknown but I had to stop holding back my emotions, stop hiding behind them, stop pretending they weren't there, and accept the fact that while everything else had taken a drastic turn for the worst, that didn't mean I had to, too.

At some point during my floodgates opening, my father had wrapped both of his arms around me and held me tight, letting me soak his shirt with my unprecedented tears. And I had never appreciated him more.

"I've been so afraid to fight," I whispered hoarsely, pulling myself back from my father to look up at him. I could see that there were still tears in his eyes, feeling the same pain that his son felt. "

"I know," he whispered back, his hand going to my shoulder. "You'll continue to be afraid. That fear won't ever really go away. But courage comes from fighting anyway."

Slowly, I nodded. "I know," I murmured. "I don't really consider myself all that brave right now but I'll figure it out. I'll fight. I'll live my life. I'll…I'll find a way."

The relief in my father's eyes was overwhelming. "We'll all be here to help, James," he whispered. "Me, your mother, your family, your friends. All of us are here for you. I've said it before and I'll said it again, _we are not going anywhere_."

I felt a rush of emotions all hit me at once – gratitude and shame and grief and apprehension and guilt. So much guilt. I had done and said so many regrettable, and ultimately unforgiveable, things and yet Dad still managed to show up and care, even when I hardly deserved it.

"You should," I choked out. "Leave me alone I mean. After the way I treated you, the way I treated everyone, I don't deserve any of you. I-I don't deserve to be cared for."

He grew quiet and when I snuck a peek towards him, I saw the true concern in his eyes. "You may say something that is hurtful or insulting, James, and you may even regret some of the things you say, but that in no way means that you deserve to be abandoned. You need us now more than ever and we all know that. We know you were in a bad place and that's why you might have said some of the things you said, but we love you no matter what. We'll always love you, James. That's what family is for."

There was no maybe about it. I definitely regretted some of the things I said.

And even though he was convinced I deserved to be loved, I wasn't so sure.

I didn't say that. I couldn't say that. I just stared over at the memorial, thinking about the true pain that so many people must have gone through the day of the Battle of Hogwarts. The family and friends of the people who died had real problems to deal with, real tragedy and real pain. Mine was real, too, but it was nothing like watching the people you loved die in a treacherous war.

Maybe I had lost myself. But I was still here. And that had to count for something.

Glancing over at Dad, I offered him a feeble smile and said, "How'd you even know I'd be here at this memorial?"

He looked confused for a moment, which was understandable considering we were just joint crying with one another and now I wanted to know the answer to a seemingly insignificant question. But I found it strange that of all the places I could have been at the school, he looked here at this memorial, I place I had once sworn to avoid for eternity.

It dawned on him what I was asking. "I wish I could say that I somehow knew you'd be here looking for answers or a sign or hope, but that would be a lie," he spoke sheepishly. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a familiar-looking piece of parchment. "I used the Map."

I blinked, my upper lip twitching in slight amusement. But the amusement faded into surprise when he held out the Map to me. I just stared at it, not taking it from him. "You're giving this back to me?"

He shrugged. "It belonged to my father and then to me. It's only right that I officially pass it down to you."

I stared at it again. "I'm only at Hogwarts for a few more weeks," I pointed out. "Shouldn't it go to Albus or Lily?"

Dad winced. "Oh, Merlin, not Lily. I do not want to know what she'd do with it."

If I wasn't feeling so empty inside, I might have laughed. "Albus then."

He shrugged and dropped it on my lap. "If you want it to go Albus, you can give it to him."

I had a feeling Albus wouldn't be very accepting of anything I gave him at the moment.

I pocketed the parchment in my back pocket and in doing so, my fingers met the outside of that childhood photo. I hesitated before pulling it out and glancing down at those happy faces again.

"What's that?"

I looked up at Dad and showed him the photo he had given me for my birthday.

He looked surprised before looking puzzled. "Hm, didn't I give you a frame with that photo?"

I winced. "Er…well, it kinda got smashed."

My father's upper lip twitched in amusement. "A simple 'reparo' could probably fix that."

There was a sudden feeling of dread and guilt that burrowed its way straight to my heart. "Any chance that spell works on dreams, too?" I whispered.

I could feel Dad's sad eyes on me but I kept my eyes glued to the photo in my hands. "You can still have your dreams, James. No one took them away from you," he spoke softly. "You just have to still want them."

I knew he wasn't wrong but it certainly felt like my dreams had been shattered the moment my skull had.

"Even if they're not what you want for me?" I muttered, still refusing to look up.

The silence grew tense before he spoke. "Is that really what you think? That I don't want you to play Quidditch?"

"You've been trying to shove academics down my throat for six years," I muttered. "You stopped coming to my matches. You stopped talking to me about Quidditch. Stopped asking me about it. You wanted me to do better in school. You kept trying to get me to dream another future when all I've ever wanted is to play Quidditch. I know now that you cared about me, that you loved me, but that doesn't mean you always believed in the same things I did."

I could practically feel the shock and shame bouncing off my father's expression even though I was looking anywhere but at him.

"Do you remember that concussion you got back in your third year?" he asked.

I finally looked up, both confused and annoyed by the segue. "Yeah. What does that have to do with anything?"

He didn't say anything immediately, clearly trying to formulate his words so that they made sense to both him and me. "That concussion made me realize just how much of yourself you were putting into the game. It had become your life, your entire world. And I feared like every parent would that you would stop at nothing for a win and that you could seriously injure yourself because of it. You were fearless and that is hard for a father to watch, to know that at any point, his son could be seriously wounded on that pitch for a _game_. And I know that it's so much more than a game to you but it's not worth your life, son."

I replayed his words in my head, slowly and carefully, and while a part of me understood his fears, a part of me didn't. "You say it's hard for a father to watch his son on a pitch that could injure him, and yet you came to Albus' matches," I blurted out.

He met my gaze, an understanding settling behind his wire-framed glasses. "He asked me to."

It was such a simple answer and yet it was the fundamental difference between Albus and myself. Albus reached out to Dad, he let him in, he strove for a relationship. I didn't. Instead, I did everything I could to drive him away.

"I was afraid to ask," I admitted in a small voice. "I was afraid you'd say no."

"I wouldn't have," he spoke softly. "I know how much Quidditch has meant to you, James. I know it's been a big part of your life, perhaps the only part of your life for so many years. And I guess that scared me, too. Because as scared as I've always been that something bad could happen to you on that pitch, I slowly became a lot more scared that you might just be using Quidditch as an easy way to shut out the rest of the world and I feared that I had done that to you."

He clearly saw the bewilderment in my expression because he quickly continued. "I thought you were hiding behind the game, James. I thought you were using it as some sort of crutch. As a distraction from everything else going on. I thought you depended on it on like one depends on oxygen and I thought it was because of me. Because it was easier putting your life into the game than into a relationship with me. That guilt ate me up inside. I retreated into my own world very much the same you retreated into yours. I watched you from afar, tried to give you the space I thought you needed in order to find your place in this world. But as it turns out, your place is on that pitch. It always has been. I see now that it's just a part of who you are."

That managed to send my heart straight into my stomach. "Who I was," I corrected in a small voice.

He met my gaze and swiftly shook his head. "Don't give up on your dream, James," he argued. "Not yet. You still have a chance to live it. It's not going to be easy but don't count yourself out. You may not be able to play in that final, but the scouts know you. They know your name. And not because of me but because you're the best Quidditch player in school. You were born to play, James. Don't give up, remember? Keep fighting for yourself and for everything that you want."

For so long all I wanted was for my father to understand just how much the game of Quidditch meant to me and now that he did, I wish he didn't because I feared I'd wind up disappointing him now more than ever. "What if I fight for it and I still don't get it?" I whispered.

He looked at me, carefully assessing the question before offering me a reassuring smile. "Then you'll find something else to love, James," he spoke softly. "You aren't just Quidditch. You are so much more than that. You could do anything you put your mind to. You're incredibly sharp and sensible and I know that there is a job out there that will make you happy, whether it's part of the Quidditch world or it isn't. But the truth is, James, I don't think you're done with Quidditch. I don't think you're ready to give up on it and I don't think it's ready to give up on you."

If only I could believe that, too.

All these years I had been under the assumption that my father didn't think Quidditch was a good enough future to go after and now he was contradicting my every thought. He hadn't thought it wasn't good enough for me; he was just worried I'd either get hurt or I'd lose so much of who I could be. And in an ironic turn of events, he appeared to believe in me more than I did at this point and I wish I could say it gave me the strength and the hope that everything might actually work out, but it didn't. I had a long way to go if I expected to see myself on a professional Quidditch pitch in the fall.

"Maybe Quidditch isn't ready to give up on me, but I know a lot of people who probably are," I muttered, thinking back to all the horrible things I had said to Fred and Lily and Rose and Albus and Jax and Reese and Alice.

Especially Alice.

"That's not true," my father spoke softly. "I told you we were all here for you and I meant it. We know you're going through something difficult and painful and we understand that you feel like you're alone in that, but you're not. _We are here_."

That somehow made me feel worse for making them worry from so far away. I made everyone worry. I was so busy throwing myself a pity party that I hadn't cared about their feelings and their concerns. I had been so focused on how horrible I felt that I didn't stop to think about how horrible they probably felt, too. And instead of just recognize that, I tore them all down with my usual insulting words.

Fuck.

"Somehow I don't think Alice would agree," I muttered.

My father's brow furrowed. "What happened with Alice?" he asked in slight dread.

I just shook my head at him. I couldn't talk about it. I couldn't even think about it. If I thought thinking about Quidditch hurt, thinking about Alice was a million times worse.

I tore her character down because mine was already down. I hurt her because I was hurting. I destroyed her because I was destroyed. I ruined us because I was already ruined. I screwed up because that's what I do best. Why was I such a screwup? Why couldn't I ever just do something right? Just one thing? Why was tearing down the people I loved so easy for me? I had vowed to be a better, and a happier person, after I patched things up with Dad and Mum and Albus back at St. Mungo's and I lasted all of three weeks. I didn't know why I was surprised. Pushing away the people I loved was something I had gotten quite good at over the years.

It was easy for me to offend people. It wasn't so easy for me to love them.

"I screwed up, Dad. I really screwed up," I whispered. I buried my face in my hands as the shame took over every inch of my heart. "I was such a jerk to all of my friends and to my family. I thought I wanted to be alone so I pushed them away, I shunned them, I did everything I could to make them hate me. That's what I do. I make mistake after mistake and apparently I never learn. Why…why am I always such a screwup? Why is it that that's all I'll ever be good at?"

There was a beat of tense silence before my father spoke. "Listen to me, James," he said sternly and I reluctantly pulled my hands away from my face to look at him. "Just because you may do something to screw up does not make you a screwup. Just because you may fail does not make you a failure. Just because you make a mistake _does not make you a mistake_.You are not your shortcomings. You are just a man trying to find his way in a world that's found so many ways to let him down."

I met the sincerity in his gaze and almost believed him.

Almost.

"Alice is never going to forgive me," I whispered.

Hesitation flickered in his gaze. "Why? What happened?" he asked again.

Oh, nothing much, I just totally shattered her heart in a very deliberate and intentional way because I was too scared to admit that I didn't just need her in my life, I loved her for it.

"It doesn't matter," I muttered even though it was about the only thing that did matter.

Though I stared straight ahead, I could feel his concern staring at me. "I think it does," he whispered.

Of course it matters. I ruined the best thing that had ever happened to me just because I thought the worst thing had ever happened to me. But I had been wrong. Losing Alice, forcing myself to lose her, was the worst thing that ever happened to me. And the worst part was, I had no one to blame for that but myself.

I couldn't blame Parker or Brooks and Callum for what I said to Alice. It would be so easy to, to blame them for my downward spiral but they just started it. I was the one who ended it. Who let myself hit rockbottom. Who went down the slippery slope of self-pity instead of self-worth. Who saw the world as a dungeon instead of dream. I was the one who made the decision to hate my life instead of just being happy that I had one at all.

"Yeah, it does matter," I choked out in agreement, "It matters that I hurt her, that I pushed her away, that instead of loving her, I let her go. Of course it matters. It matters because she matters. But she can't matter anymore. I had made sure of that so all I can do is live with my mistakes."

I could feel another prickle of tears in my eyes but this time, they stayed put. Maybe I had cried all of the tears I had.

"You love her?" my father asked in both surprise and curiosity.

I said nothing because the only consistent thing I've done lately is refuse to admit out loud what my heart felt for Alice Longbottom.

Silence followed and I snuck a peek towards my father, wondering what he was thinking. I caught him staring at me with a sad look in his eyes. It wasn't pity. It was just a world of grief. "Love is hard, James," he eventually spoke. "It's scary and overwhelming and complicated and exhausting. But it's also magical and deep and it can feel so perfect. But sometimes you have to work through the scary and overwhelming and complicated and exhausting to get to the perfect. It's not easy. But it is worth it."

He wasn't wrong. I knew all too well how perfect it could be because I had the perfect woman in my grasps right before I pushed her over the edge of a cliff. Or maybe I was the one who went over the cliff. Either way, it wasn't something we could come back from. There was no 'perfect' to get to. Our perfect story ended with that cliff.

"She might be worth it," I murmured, "But I'm not so sure I am."

His hand went to my shoulder again and again, I didn't push it away. But this time, I didn't want to. "I do. I know there is a good man inside of you. Maybe you don't always make the right decisions, maybe you say or do things in the heat of the moment, maybe you have flaws. But that only makes you human, James. And whether you believe it or not, you deserve greatness."

I wasn't so sure about that.

"I'm not the one who deserves greatness, it's everyone else," I choked out. "And I have been anything but great to them."

Dad hesitated. I saw the understanding in his eyes, the recognition that I was right to say I hadn't been great. "You'll find a way to fix it," he said with a mere shrug. "You always do."

I do? That was news to me.

"I don't know about that," I muttered.

"I do," he spoke firmly. "You fixed things with me, didn't you?"

Yeah, only took me six years to do so.

I met the pleading in his gaze. "I know things aren't perfect between us, Dad," I spoke softly, "I know it'll take a while to get there. I'm probably going to make other mistakes, probably going to find other things to blame you for, find other ways to hurt you and-"

"And like I said before, I'm not going anywhere," he said firmly. "There's nothing you can do or say that will ever make me turn my back on you, James. I did that once and I will have to live with that regret for the rest of my life. I don't plan to live with any more."

As I glanced up at him, hesitantly and cautiously, I saw an entire world of determination in his eyes and I knew he meant every word he said. Our relationship was still rocky, we still had a lot of issues to work through, but for the first time in six years, I knew that we both wanted that. We wanted to make things work, wanted to talk things out, wanted a relationship with each other. And that desperate desire to make things right that rested so heavily in my heart proved to me that I wasn't ready to give up. Not on him and not on me.

I didn't know what that meant. I didn't know how to pick up the pieces of my shattered life and attempt to put them back together but I was no longer just willing to stare at them scattered about the floor and leave them abandoned. There were a lot of puzzle pieces I needed to wade through. But maybe it was time I did the hard work instead of look for the easy way out.

My heart suddenly felt lighter. I had been so convinced that my life was over but it didn't have to be. I just needed to face it head-on. I had no idea where to start, no idea how to make things make sense again. But at least I was finally willing to try.

"Y'know, when Lily told me to talk to someone, I don't think you were quite what I had in mind," I said, chuckling to myself.

Dad's brow furrowed. "What?"

I just shook my head. "Nothing, never mind," I said dismissively, glancing over at him with a lopsided smile. "Just…thanks for showing up here. It meant more to me than you could ever realize."

He met my gaze with a smile. "Anytime, kiddo," he said. Hesitating, he added, "And in full disclosure, I'm not the only one who showed up."

My brow furrowed. "I thought you said Mum didn't come with you."

He shook his head. "I'm not talking about your mother."

When he said nothing more, I rolled my eyes. "Then who?"

"Me," a familiar and yet wildly unexpected voice spoke.

I whirled around, gaping as Louis strolled up behind us. He clapped my father on the back and met my stunned face with a grin.

After I got over my initial shock, I narrowed my eyes at him. "Were you standing there listening to our conversation the whole time?"

He shook his head. "Nah, I was chatting with Neville, giving you two space for your father-son bonding time," he teased. "Is your father-son bonding time over now or shall I come back in a few?"

My father laughed and picked himself off the bench. "The bench is all yours, Louis."

I looked up at Dad. "Tell Mum I'm sorry and that I love her, will you?"

"How about you write her and tell her yourself?" he said with a pointed eyebrow.

I rolled my eyes but nodded. " _Fine_ ," I groaned and he just laughed.

"You're going to be okay, son, you know that?" he said, reaching over to squeeze my shoulder tightly.

It was the first time in over a week that I thought I one day might be.

We said our goodbyes and I turned my attention on to Louis. "What is this, drop in on James day?" I drawled curiously.

"It wouldn't have to be if you bothered to open up any of the twelve letters I sent you," he spoke and there was a definite edge to his tone.

I cringed. "Er…yeah, about that," I said, clearing my throat.

He met my gaze and I saw slight irritation staring back at me which confused me because for as many people as I have pissed off recently, I didn't think he was one of them. "What do I do for a living, James?" he drawled.

I blinked. "Is that a trick question?"

"What do I do?" he repeated.

"You are a Quidditch announcer," I sighed.

" _I am a Quidditch announcer_ ," he spoke firmly. "And do you know what that means?"

"I may still be getting over a concussion, Louis, but I haven't lost any brain cells."

"Could have fooled me."

I glared at him. "I'm getting the sense that you're pissed at me."

"I'm not pissed at you!" he roared, to which I raised an eyebrow, and he sighed. "Yeah, okay, maybe I am a little pissed," he said sheepishly, which got a chuckle out of me, "Because I don't understand that while you were chucking the rest of our family's letters into the bin, you didn't even once consider the fact that your Quidditch-announcing cousin has a ton of connections in the Quidditch world and could help quiet that fear we all know you've had, that fear that sent you into a terrible downward spiral, the fear you had that made you believe you may not actually ever get to play a single professional Quidditch match in your life."

My body went limp as I stared in shock at my cousin, my heart somehow growing heavy at the very obvious nature of his words. "I…" I trailed off, shaking my head, "I don't know what to say."

"Your name is out there, James," he spoke softly. "And not because you're a Potter. But because you're _good_. You're really good. Your name has been on the top of the recruiting lists for years now. You have broken so many Quidditch records at school it's amazing you weren't recruited last summer. And maybe you won't be playing in that final, but that doesn't mean things are over for you. Not yet. No, the only thing that's going to wind up being your own downfall are all of these stories of you skipping classes and drinking your days away and being a righteous ass to everyone around you. I know you feel as if the world is caving in on you but the only thing that's caving in is you. So don't give up. I'm telling you that you have a chance _so don't convince yourself that you don't_."

I stared at him, his words rolling around tauntingly in my addled brain.

My name was out there?

My dream could still come true?

I had been so busy throwing myself a pity party, telling myself that my life and my dreams were over, that I had never even considered, never even wanted to consider, that only I had the power to end them. The fight inside of me had been slowly dying for so long but it hasn't completely died yet. And maybe it didn't have to. My dream was still out there. No one took that from me but me. I had wanted the easy path and even though life had handed me a different one, that didn't mean that the end destination couldn't be the same. I just had to still want it.

I could hide away from the world and from myself for the rest of my life or I could show the world that I couldn't be broken.

And it was about time I did the latter.

It's amazing what a few hours can do to a person's psyche. Just that very morning I was convinced I'd be working as some lowlife Ministry worker for the rest of my hated life and now…

Well, for the first time in over a week, I had hope. Actual hope that things didn't have to be over.

The easy way to achieve my dream was taken from me but that didn't mean it wasn't attainable. I had options, as unlikely and challenging as they may be. But if I truly believed in myself and my abilities as much as I've always claimed I have, then there shouldn't be a recruiter out there that wouldn't eventually feel the same. I just had to find a way for them to believe in me. My future was in my hands. It was always in my hands. I let it fly away for a bit, too afraid to hold on to it, but this wasn't it for me. _This couldn't be it for me_.

I had told Alice, and I believed it so greatly, that I had nothing left to give, but the truth was, maybe I was just scared to go after this last miniscule piece of hope in fear that I'd lose it all again. Maybe it was easier to give up than it was to try and fail. Maybe it was me I feared to disappoint the most and not the rest of the world. Maybe I wasn't ready to give up the fight yet.

"My name is out there?" I spoke softly.

Louis grinned and clapped me on the shoulder. "You bet your Quidditch-playing ass it is."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

As Louis and I headed back to the castle, I could feel how light my steps felt, that small amount of hope my father and Louis gave to me making me feel better about myself and my future. I knew I was looking at a very steep mountain to climb but I was finally ready to tackle it.

"So what's your next step?" Louis asked.

That was a very good question.

"Step one is to somehow get everyone to forgive me for being a royal ass," I murmured. "Step two is to write to every single Quidditch team and beg them to give me a chance. And step three is to sit and wait for any of them to respond."

He nodded pensively. "It might take more than just a letter," he said hesitantly.

"I know," I murmured. "But that's what open tryouts are for, right?"

Louis clapped me on the shoulder. "That's the spirit."

We were walking up the Entrance Way stairwell when we heard two very familiar voices. I stopped short, holding my arm out to stop Louis, too.

"I don't know what was said, Alice, but I'm sorry he felt like he had to hurt you just because he, too, was hurting," Dad said.

Guess he hadn't left the castle yet.

A sad sigh escaped Alice's lips. "Yeah," she whispered and the pain in her voice nearly broke my heart. "I'm sorry, too."

"I know this may be hard to hear, or even believe right now, but he really does love you," he spoke softly.

The silence dragged on for what felt like forever before she finally spoke. "I know he does," she murmured, surprising me completely, "He'll just never say it."

I wish I had an argument for that but I didn't.

Because loving her wasn't the hard part.

Admitting it was.

"I told you in my very first letter to you back in your third year that one day he'll love you the way I knew you loved him even back then. And then I said one day he'll find a way to tell you," he said. "I had hoped that day would have come by now but he's still as scared now as he used to be to go after the things he wants and needs. Because that might mean being happy and that wasn't something he ever knew how to be."

My father apparently knew me better than I realized.

"You remember what you wrote in that letter?" Alice said, clearly in awe.

"I remember what I wrote in every letter to you over the years," he responded, "And I remember what you wrote in every letter back."

Wait…

My father has been writing to Alice?

And she's been writing back?

I could feel Louis' inquisitive eyes on me and I turned to meet the confusion in his eyes. "They've been writing to each other?" he murmured, clearly surprised.

He wasn't the only one who was surprised. "It's news to me, too," I grumbled.

Dad and Alice wrapped up their conversation but I paid no attention to it, trying to wrap my head around the fact that my best friend and eventual girlfriend was writing back and forth with my father for years and neglected to tell me. All this time, they had been harboring this big secret, one that both shocked and confused me.

But I realized then that it wasn't him I was shocked by.

It was her.

"James?"

I looked up, only then realizing that the conversation must have ended for Dad was standing in front of me. Alice was nowhere to be found so I could only assume she took off in the opposite direction.

"You've been writing to Alice?" I choked out.

Shock and guilt settled into his expression. "I…" he trailed off before letting out a soft sigh. "You heard that?"

I nodded numbly. "When? Why?"

The guilt only grew in his eyes, his gaze flickering just slightly over to where Louis stood.

"Er…I'm going to leave you two to work this out," he said awkwardly, whirling around and rushing hurriedly down the stairs.

Dad watched him go but my eyes only remained on Dad. "What were the two of you writing about?" I urged.

He said nothing at first but his eyes softened as he looked at me hesitantly. "You."

My confusion gave way to slight irritation. " _Why_?"

He took a seat atop the stairwell and patted the spot beside him. I hesitated before joining him. "I would always send you letters and you would never reply. You didn't seem all that interested in keeping me informed on the goings-on of your life," he spoke softly. "So I turned to the one person I thought might. I never asked invasive questions. It was never about checking up on you. I just wanted to know how you were doing. Albus and Lily always wrote to me, told me of the events of their lives and I just wanted to know the same about you. I wasn't doing it to spy on you, James. I was doing it because I cared."

I had no idea what to make of it. I was trying not to be annoyed but a part of me was.

Only, it wasn't at Dad, it was at Alice.

She saw me struggle with my relationship with my father and said nothing. She watched me hate him from afar and she just let it happen. She had the chance to make me realize how unfair I was being and didn't use it.

Why? Why was she okay with watching me resent my father for not caring when all along, he did?

A twinge of pain rocked the back of my head as I thought of Alice head but I ignored it, saying the only thing that I could think of in that moment. "I can't believe she never said anything," I muttered, mostly to myself.

"She didn't tell you because I made her promise that she wouldn't," he pleaded. "I knew if she did tell you, you'd put an end to it and she seemed to be my only link to you. Please don't be made at her for that."

I wasn't mad, I was confused.

How the hell could my best friend write back and forth to my father for years and keep it a secret from me knowing how awful I was convinced our relationship was?

Okay, maybe I was a little mad.

But all I could think of to say was "Okay."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

For a second time that evening, Dad and I went our separate ways. And for a second time, I rounded the corner and came across two people I knew all too well.

I looked back and forth between Lily and Albus, both of whom were wearing identical looks of guilt on their faces, and I sighed.

"You guys suck at eavesdropping," I drawled, folding my arms across my body.

"And you suck at annunciating," Lily smirked.

I rolled my eyes. "Hate to break it to you, but that conversation wasn't the one you wanted to be overhearing. You missed our talk out on the grounds."

"I don't know about that. Finding out that he's been writing back and forth to your best friend for the past five years without either one of them telling you is certainly very intriguing news."

I glared at my sister. "If I tell you to keep that so-called intriguing news to yourself, what are the chances you'll actually listen to me?"

"Don't know. I might just go spill the news out of spite."

I detected a serious case of bitterness in her tone and winced. "I deserve that," I muttered, shaking my head. I glanced over at Albus who hadn't said a single word since I strolled up but he was staring at the floor awkwardly.

I let out a sigh. "I know I am not the best brother," I muttered, glancing between both of them, "Actually, if there was an award for the worst brother in the world, I'd probably win hands-down."

"No argument here," Lily drawled.

I met the frustration in her eyes. "You're a better seeker than Bishop, Lils," I said with a curt nod. "And I'm not just saying that to get out of any further fighting. I mean it. She may be stealthy and quick but she's also stubborn and has never been able to take constructive criticism. It makes her moves too easy to scrutinize, making her vulnerable to other teams. You are moldable and flexible. You know how to adapt, to change things up and keep the other team on their toes. And you're incredibly sharp and precise. No one knows what to expect from you because you come with a different game plan every time you step on to that field. That mystery is what makes you the best seeker in the damned school."

Lily appeared to be torn between looking shocked and flattered as she stared at me. But it wasn't Lily who responded.

"Uh, hi, what about my team's seeker?" Albus huffed.

"Shh, this isn't about you," I said, waving at him dismissively.

"Yeah, Al, this isn't about you," Lily giggled as she glanced up at me. "You really think I'm the best?"

"Yes. And that's exactly why I know you'll be the one to catch the snitch in that final."

"I think not!" Albus cried out.

"Quiet you," I spoke again, my eyes still on Lily. "We're going to win that match, Lils. I can feel it."

She beamed at me and then hesitated. "'We?'" she questioned.

The hope in her voice stopped me as I realized what I just said. I had been so determined to forget about Quidditch, ignore the final, let the game carry on without me. But I put six whole years into the game and into my team. I may not be the one with the quaffle in my hands and my broom guiding me through the air but this was still my team. I was there when it all began and I wanted to be there at the end. My team deserved that. It would take a lot to earn their trust back but I wasn't ready to let them go.

"Yeah," I said with a single nod, "'We.'"

She grinned up at me and surprised me by reaching out to embrace me tightly. "Oh, I so hope this means the old James is back," she laughed into my ear.

I laughed, too, and hugged her back. "No," I disagreed, "I'm not the old James. I don't think I can go back to being that James. But I'm a new James and I'd like to think I'm an improved James, too. And that guy is ready to annihilate those Slytherin bastards."

As her laugh rang through the air, I heard Albus sigh behind me. "Uh, yeah, hi, _I am still standing here_."

I let Lily go and glanced towards him with a lopsided smile. "You're going down, bro."

He looked at me, a thick sheet of silence enveloping us, before he abruptly stood up off the bench and said, "Whatever," before taking off down the hallway.

I blinked as I watched him go. "Well, so much for joking around."

Lily glanced at me out of the corner of her eye. "He deserves an apology, too, James."

I frowned. "I was really hoping to avoid that."

"Just because you're not good at them and just because he's used to not getting them from you doesn't mean it wouldn't be nice for him to hear it every once and a while."

I sighed. "This isn't going to be easy."

She patted me on the shoulder. "And the James Potter apology train begins."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I caught up with Albus just outside the Great Hall. He was standing outside the archway but didn't go in and I wondered for a brief moment if he had expected, or at least hoped, I'd come after him.

"I don't hate you, Al," I spoke softly.

He didn't look at me but I could see the irritation flickering in his green eyes. "You have an interesting way of showing it."

Ain't that the truth.

"I was in a really bad place," I muttered. "And instead of dealing with it, I took it out on everyone around me, including you."

He finally turned to me. "There wasn't anything you said to me that you didn't mean," he said knowingly.

His tone wasn't accusatory, more like reluctant, and it sent a jolt of guilt straight to my heart. "You told me that our lives shouldn't be a competition and you were right, they shouldn't be," I muttered, "But for five years, I felt like they were. And I know now that none of that is on you, it's on me. I put myself in that position. I was the one who pitted us against each other, the one who turned you into my adversary. And I'd be lying if I said that those feelings are completely gone, that I won't still feel that way sometimes, but just know that I don't blame you for that anymore."

He seemed unconvinced. "Certainly sounded like you were blaming me for it the last time we spoke."

I cringed. "I know, but it's only because I'm jealous that you get to play in that final game and I don't," I spoke softly. "It was never hate I felt towards you, Al, it was always just jealousy."

He frowned. "My life has been far from perfect, you know that, right?"

I nodded. "I know that now. I had just never looked closely enough to see it before," I murmured.

He seemed to understand those words the most out of anything else I had said. A complacent silence fell over us and I could almost see the wheels turning in his head as he struggled with what he clearly wanted to say next.

I was both surprised and not so surprised at his next words.

"If Slytherin beats Gryffindor in the finals, you're not going to completely go off the deep end again, are you?" he said with the smallest detection of teasing in his voice.

I chuckled at both the sincerity and the teasing of his question. "If I say yes, will you let Gryffindor win?" I teased right back.

He snorted. "No."

I let out another chuckle. "Do I want to win even though I won't be the one up in the air? Yes, of course," I said with a curt nod. "But I think I've finally realized that winning isn't everything. There is so much more to life than that. There is so much more to _my_ life than that. There has to be."

While I could clearly see the surprise in his eyes, I was also flattered to see pride staring back at me, too. "I'm sorry that you won't be the one up in the air," he spoke softly.

I locked eyes with him. "Me, too," I murmured. "But everything happens for a reason, right?"

His head tilted to the side in pure curiosity. "Yeah? And what's the reason for this?"

I sighed. "I'm still trying to work that part out."

He offered me an apologetic smile before taking off down the hallway. "Wait, Al," I called out before he could turn the corner. "I have something for you."

He turned around with an inquisitive look on his face. "More insults?" he said in jest.

"Not right now but I'm sure I can come up with a few at a later date," I teased right back. Reaching into my back pocket, I pulled out the Marauder's Map and handed it to him. "This has treated me well. But I think it's now your turn to put it to good use."

He looked down at it and then up at me. "An old ratty piece of parchment?" he drawled.

I rolled my eyes and pulled out my wand, pointing at it and saying, "I solemnly swear I am up to no good."

His eyes grew wide as I spoke, knowing full well exactly what I was presenting him with. He stared at the Map as all of the rooms and the names came into focus before looking up at me. "You're…you're giving the Map to me?"

I shrugged. "Well, I'm not going to be able to put it to much use in a few weeks. And without me in these halls, _someone_ is going to have to cause a bit of trouble."

His eyebrow arched upward. "When have I ever been known to cause trouble?"

I couldn't help the laugh that fell from my lips. "Oh, gee, let's see," I said, holding up my hand and ticking off my fingers, "You punched your best friend on the Hogwarts Express, you punched Brooks Pruitt a few weeks later, you caused a nationwide scandal by dragging Reese to Hogsmeade on Valentine's Day of all days, you sent your best friend to the hospital wing with a well-placed bludger, you slept with your cheating ex-girlfriend, you had the entire school convinced it was Reese's fault our mother got attacked, you-"

"Okay, I get it!" he groaned, shaking his head at me. "But that's a very small list compared to yours."

I looked at him with a smirk. "Oh, but Al," I said, shaking my head at him, "Don't you know that our lives aren't supposed to be a competition?"

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

It was just after eight o'clock when I got back to my bedroom, suddenly more exhausted now than ever before. It had been a long, and yet strangely productive day, especially considering most of my day was spent asleep. I needed to come up with a game plan, to figure out exactly how to navigate my newfound hope in myself, and I knew it started with the many apologies I had to dole out. But who to start with was the real question.

When I turned the doorknob and wandered into my bedroom, I stopped short when I realized Parker Jessup was the only one there. One look at him sent a stinging twinge to the back of my head. "Shouldn't you be at in-school suspension?" I drawled.

He frowned. "Just came back from it," he murmured.

I didn't even bother acknowledging his words as I strode over to my bed and fell back against my pillow with a heavy sigh.

"I'm sorry, Potter."

Slowly, I glanced over at him. I was surprised not to feel utter loathing as I stared at him. Maybe I didn't have it in me. Maybe I was too tired to feel anything. Or maybe it just didn't matter.

"Okay," I murmured with a mere shrug as I wasn't sure what else I was supposed to say.

"I-I didn't know that they were going to…" he trailed off, shaking his head in defeat.

"It's fine," I muttered, squeezing my eyes shut and hoping he'd take the hint.

He didn't.

"It's not though."

With a growl, I opened my eyes and glanced over at him. I was slightly taken aback by the sheer remorse in his eyes as I had never once seen that emotion from my fourth roommate. "No, it's not," I grumbled, "It's not fine what you did. It's not fine that I could have died. It's not fine that I can't play in the most important match of my life. It's not fine that you took not only my life but my future in your own hands. _It's not fine_. But it also doesn't matter anymore. What happened happened. It's in the past. And you can't change that with some desperate apology."

He looked as if he wished an apology could change things but neither one of us were naïve to think that an apology could suddenly change how the two of us have felt about each other since our very first encounter as roommates. And it wasn't worth pretending either.

"I know" was all he could think to say.

"Good," I spoke brusquely. "Because I don't want to talk about this ever again. Not with you. Not with anyone. I don't need your pity, Jessup. And I definitely don't want it. So let's just let this be the last time we speak to each other. You go your way, and I'll go mine. And let's just hope our paths never have to cross again."

He didn't seem to know what to say to that as he turned his gaze away from me. He frowned, carefully thinking over his words, before saying, "Okay."

And that, as they say, was that.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

When I woke up the next morning, I realized that it was the first dreamless sleep I had had in days. Just like my day, I was finally getting the chance to start fresh.

Glancing at the clock, I realized it was seven-thirty which left me with just enough time to shower and get down to breakfast before my first class.

If only I could remember what my first class was.

Climbing out of bed, I stopped short as Fred wandered out of the bathroom in only his slacks, wiping his wet hair down with a towel.

I met his gaze and he met mine.

And then I spoke.

"Remember how you said I was in serious need of some help?"

Fred hesitated. "I don't think I phrased it quite that way."

I cracked a smile. "Well, however you phrased it, you were right. And I think I got it."

His eyebrow popped up as he tossed the dirty towel on to the edge of his bed. "Oh?"

I nodded solemnly. "It was just so much easier being angry at everyone else and at the world, than it was being angry at myself."

Surprise flickered in his eyes. "What did you have to be angry at yourself for?"

There was so much I could say but as I contemplated the question, I knew one answer summed it up. "For letting so much of my life go by too scared to actually live it."

I saw the surprise in my cousin's face as he stared at me. "And now?" he asked softly.

I somehow understood exactly what he was asking, wondering if I was still scared. And I was in a way. Scared of going after my dreams and not getting them. Scared of not having a dream at all. Scared of not getting the forgiveness I so desperately wanted from my friends and family. But it was a different kind of fear. Because there was a newfound hope in my heart that was telling me to take my life in my own hands. I needed to find a way to be happy, to actually be happy, whether it was Quidditch or Alice or an entirely different dream. I needed to know that I still had something to live for. I needed that now more than ever.

With a hesitant smile, I glanced over at Fred and said, "And now the only thing that scares me is not living it."

A grin slowly broke out across his face. "Does that mean you might actually come out of hiding?"

I grinned sheepishly. "If you want to wait a few minutes while I take a much-needed shower, we can walk down to breakfast together."

His eyebrow crawled into his forehead. "Oh, you actually know where the Great Hall is? I assumed you forgot since you haven't bothered to step foot inside of it for an entire week."

I rolled my eyes but my upper lip twitched in the slightest amount of amusement. "I don't think I've been missing that sarcasm and wit of yours while I was in hiding."

"Nonsense. You missed all of me. I'm a downright hoot."

My eyebrow popped up. "Did you just say you were a-"

"Hoot? Yeah. And I regretted it immediately."

I laughed and pulled myself out of bed to head to the bathroom. Pausing, I turned to Fred, "Hey, can I ask you something?"

"Anything."

"What bloody classes do I have today?"

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I was aware that nearly every single pair of eyes were on me as I wandered towards the end of the Gryffindor table for breakfast that morning.

Except for one pair of eyes in particular, a set of periwinkle ones that stared into her oatmeal and refused to look up.

It was like a knife to the heart.

One that I had put there myself.

I frowned hesitantly as Fred steered us over to where Rose, Jax, and Dash all sat, all people whom I had intentionally isolated myself from.

"Hi," I greeted when it was clear no one else was going to say anything.

"Y'know, there were rumors that you were still alive," Rose drawled, the bitterness dripping from her every word. "I just didn't believe them."

I met her gaze with a frown, not entirely sure what I was supposed to say to that.

"Ignore her," Fred said to me. "She got an A on a Transfiguration essay she thought she should have gotten an O on and is being a tad PMS-y over it."

"It was an O-worthy essay!" Rose huffed. "Bloody Eckleberry is out to get me!"

"She's out to get all of us," Fred corrected. "Hates our family. Thinks we all intend to live off of hand-me-down fame for the rest of our lives or something. She's a bitch."

"Should we be calling a professor a bitch?" Dash mused

"We should if said professor is in fact a bitch."

"I can think of another person who we should be calling call a bitch," Rose drawled and when I looked up, her eyes were glaring right at me.

"Rose-"

"I'm going to get to class," she spoke coolly before abandoning her breakfast and abruptly storming out of the Great Hall.

Watching her go, I sighed. Turning back towards Jax, I saw he was now the one looking at me but I was surprised to not see a glare in his expression, too.

"I'm not sure if you're aware of this, but she isn't too happy with you," he said.

"You don't say?" I muttered sarcastically as I broke off a piece of bacon and tossed it into my mouth. "And you? How are you feeling about me right now?"

He frowned and I was slightly dismayed to see that he didn't have an answer for he never seemed to have a problem speaking his mind before.

He eventually spoke but all he said was "I don't know."

Guilt ran through my veins like ice. "Would it help if I said I was sorry?"

His eyes met mine. "Do you even know what you're sorry for?"

So much.

Too much.

"That is a long list," I muttered, shaking my head shamefully. "I'm sorry for jumping down everyone's throats, for pushing everyone away, for isolating all of you, for not letting you in. I'm sorry for saying all the things I knew would hurt you all the most and I'm sorry for abandoning the team. I'm sorry that I felt so alone that I forced myself to be. I'm sorry for scaring all of you, for making you worry, for putting my insecurities above all else. I'm sorry that instead of just letting myself hate the situation, I decided to act like I hated all of you because for the record, I don't, I never have, and I never will."

Looking up at my mates, I found slight embarrassment in the way they were all staring at me so intensely with both shock and gratitude in their eyes.

"Well, damn," Dash said, shaking his head. "For someone who's been awful at apologies in the past, you've certainly turned yourself around."

I shrugged bashfully. "If the other option is not apologizing and losing all of the people that have ever mattered to me, I'm willing to give this whole sincere apology thing a shot in order to earn your forgiveness."

A hesitant silence followed before Jax spoke. "Well, you've got mine."

I met his gaze. "Yeah?"

He nodded. "Rose, on the other hand, might take some work."

And so my ride on the apology train kept going.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"Rose."

She stiffened but slowly turned around to face me, her eyes blinking with its usual crossness. "I'm late for practice, Potter."

I nodded. "I know," I murmured. "I'm going, too."

Her eyes narrowed. "I thought you were done with Quidditch," she scoffed.

I did, too.

"I was," I said with a shrug. "Or at least I thought I was. But I guess I'm just not ready to give up the team yet."

"I assumed by you insulting most of your team members that you were in fact ready to give up on us."

I winced. As annoyed as Rose typically was with the world, she seemed far more livid now than I was used to. "I screwed up," I spoke softly. "I saw everything I had worked for slipping through my fingers and I took it out on everyone else. Including you. And I'm sorry."

She looked at me in surprise. "Was…was that an actual apology?"

I shrugged. "I actually think you and Jax are weirdly perfect together. You don't feel like you have to change your hotheaded ways for him and he doesn't want you to. Never thought in a million years a guy would ever actually go for you but apparently miracles do happen."

She glared at me but I was too busy laughing to notice. "Are you apologizing or insulting me?"

"Why can't I do both?"

She rolled her eyes at me. "You're an arse, James Potter."

I nodded. "I know," I said sincerely. "And you didn't deserve to be on the end of my arse behavior. You've been there for me all year, something that has certainly come as a surprise, but I hope you know that I do appreciate it. I think you and I are very similar in that we pretend to have a tough outer shell that has us coming off like we don't care about anything or anyone but underneath that shell is a heart that might actually care too much."

She stopped short and turned to stare at me, the shock evident in her awe-filled eyes. "Damn," she said with a low whistle, "Whatever epiphany you had really struck you hard, didn't it? Maybe too hard. Are we sure that your concussion didn't completely addle your brain?"

I laughed and shoved her playfully on the shoulder. "I'm going to take that as Rose speak for 'I forgive you.'"

She smiled at me and with it, I could tell that we were going to be just fine.

We continued with our trek across the grounds. We were halfway to the clubhouse when she spoke up again. "The rest of the team may not be as forgiving as me."

I met the knowing look in her eyes. "You mean Alice won't be as forgiving as you," I muttered, reading between the lines.

She hesitated before nodding. "I don't know what you said or did, but boy, did you really fuck things up with her."

Yeah, I did. I couldn't deny that. I hurt her so easily and so intentionally that our relationship would never be the same again, if we could even ever get something like that back after what I did. I didn't expect her forgiveness.

But what I did expect was an answer as to why she had been writing back and forth with my father all these years without telling me.

Every time I thought of Alice, I was torn between guilt and confusion. I hated myself for the way I treated her but there was a part of me that also hated her for keeping something so big a secret from me, something that could have completely changed the way my relationship with my father turned out.

I sighed and glanced over at Rose, who was still clearly expecting me to say something. "Maybe I'm not the only one who fucked things up with us."

Her eyes narrowed and she grabbed my arm sharply, her nails practically digging into my arm. " _Ow_ ," I said, shoving her away from me.

"What the hell do you mean by that?" she demanded.

I shook my head. "Nothing."

"All that girl ever did was love you and you broke her heart. It's not right, James."

"We're late for practice," I dismissed, sidestepping past her and hastily rushing towards the pitch.

" _James_!" she called out but I ignored her, hurrying my pace and entering the clubhouse before Rose could say another word on the matter.

I pushed the doors open to the Gryffindor locker room and halted as seven pairs of eyes turned to look at me, including a very familiar pair of periwinkle eyes.

"What are you doing here?" Hugo drawled irritably.

I opened my mouth to say something, anything, but the words wouldn't form. The truth was, I didn't know what I was doing there. I didn't deserve to be standing there. I gave up my badge and I gave up on them and I made sure every single one of them knew it. So what was I doing there?

"Apologizing" was the only thing that came to mind.

Looks of shared shock stared back at me.

"I made you all feel like you didn't matter," I started, shuffling my feet. "As if this game no longer mattered. I was so focused on me and my dreams that I forgot to care about all of you. I don't say it enough—hell, I never say it, but I am proud of this team. I am proud to be a part of this team, whether I'm one of the players in the air or I'm guiding you from the ground. And I know we can win that final. _I know it_. If any team could come back from the year we had, it's us. And in the off-chance that we don't win, I'll still be proud of each and every single one of you. We played our hardest and we played our best and that is a team I am so happy to lead. If you'll still let me."

They all stared at me before one-by-one they turned towards each other inquisitively. All but that one person with those periwinkle eyes. She continued to stare at me, her eyes as cold as ice and her jaw firmly rigid.

No one said anything. They all looked to each other, clearly wondering if they were supposed to continue being peeved at me or if they should consider forgiving me. I really prayed it was the latter.

Eventually, it was Cass who broke the ice. "Well, it's better than continuing to let Fred try to run practices," she said contemplatively.

"Hey!"

"No, she's right," Jax said. "You're awful, mate. You may know your way around the beater position but you kinda suck at figuring out the others."

"You let Fred be Captain?" I groaned. I wondered for a brief moment why they chose him over Alice before realizing that I assumed Alice had hardly been in a good place to be a leader all thanks to me. "Oh, hell, you guys need me more than I thought."

"And again I say _hey_!" Fred huffed. "Don't blame me for being less than stellar as Acting Captain. Blame James."

"Could we not?" I whined.

"I tried stealing that bloody playbook of yours," he muttered at me, "But you must keep that hidden under lock and key somewhere because I couldn't find a trace of it."

I thought back to a few days prior when I was watching my playbook burn in the fire. "Er…well, about that," I said, clearing my throat nervously, "I might have burned it."

A round of shocks gasps and dropped jaws quickly followed. " _You burned your playbook_?" Lily hissed.

"Yes," I said with a sheepish chuckle.

"You've been building that thing for five years!" Hugo said.

"Five years worth of hard work down the drain?" Fred questioned in shock.

"You live and breathe that playbook," Rose spoke curiously.

I glanced her way before shrugging. "Yeah, well, now I get to live and breathe this team instead," I said. "I don't need the playbook. I don't need those plans. I don't need overworked analysis and trick plays and scheming tactics. All I need is right here in front of me."

That earned me more looks of awe and some of bewilderment.

With a sigh, I said, "I'm referring to you guys."

"Ohh" was the resounding response as they all laughed, looking around at each other rather pleased.

All except for those piercing periwinkle eyes that never strayed from mine.

"We've spent months practicing all kinds of strategies," I said. "We know what works for us and we know what doesn't. We don't need new tricks. We just need to play like the strong and determined team we've always been and there isn't a doubt in my mind that that Cup will be ours. So what do you say? Should we go out there and show this school exactly what we're made of?"

A round of cheers quickly followed and for the first time in a long time, I felt as if maybe things might just turn out okay.

That was before Fred turned to Alice and said, "What about you, AliCat? You okay with this?"

She continued to look at me, her eyes bearing a rather scrutinizing hole through mine, before she finally turned away with a mere shrug. Reaching into her locker, she grabbed her broom and said, "Does it matter what I think? We all know Potter will just do what he wants anyway."

And with that, she strode out of the room, taking my heart with her.

Not that I gave her much choice.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Practice went as well as expected. Alice ignored me most of the time and every time she did, the pain in both my head and my heart seemed to get worse. So I tried focusing on everyone else. Rose looked stronger out there than I had imagined. She had already found a way to fit in seamlessly with CJ and Alice's routine and while she wasn't as fast as me, she made up for it with her spot-on nose dives. I found it rather impressive to watch her and knew that with three of us graduating that year, the Gryffindor Team was still in really good hands.

I'd be lying if I said it wasn't hard to watch my teammates in the air knowing I couldn't join them. I wanted to be the one with the quaffle in my hands, strategizing with my fellow chasers, shooting against Cass, feeling the wind in my hair. It was excruciating at times. Beyond painful. It was more than just a pain in my head or a throbbing in my heart, I felt it in every inch of my body. Flying had always been my one release on life and when I could have really used that now more than ever, I couldn't. But I had to find a way to be okay with that.

Or at least pretend to be.

After practice, Alice bypassed the clubhouse and headed straight back towards the castle. I watched her go, not even sure what to think or to feel. I hated everything I had said to her and wanted to find a way to fix it, to fix us, but I knew that was an uphill battle, one I'd probably never win. And that both scared me and depressed me because I wasn't entirely sure how I was supposed to live without her.

"Go," a voice spoke as Fred came up behind me.

I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye. "What?"

"Go after her," he clarified, nodding in the direction Alice just took off in.

"I don't even know what I'd say," I whispered.

He shrugged. "You'll figure it out" was his best advice.

And because I knew he was right I took off towards the grounds in a run.

I met up with her at the war memorial and as I glanced around at the etched names in stone, I realized that it didn't affect me anymore.

"I don't want to talk," Alice pleaded as I came up behind her.

"Yeah, well, I do," I spoke, perhaps a bit too forcefully.

She stiffened and slowly turned around to meet my gaze. "Why?" she whispered. "Seems to me you've already said it all."

I saw the pain in her eyes, the tiny formation of tears blurring across them, and a string of apologies flooded my mind. I felt more regret in the things I said to her than to anyone, and yet when I opened my mouth, the words that came out were, "Why didn't you ever tell me you were writing my father all these years?"

She stared at me, blinking a few times, as my question made its way into the analysis side of her brain. And once it did, I saw the hurt she was just feeling transform into unadulterated rage.

"That's…" she trailed off, shaking her head angrily, " _That's_ what you came after me for? To ask about your dad?"

I just stood there numbly not even sure how to nod at that point.

She squeezed her eyes shut and I could practically see her counting to ten in her head. When her eyes fluttered open and she looked at me, I saw so much betrayal in her eyes in made my heart cringe. "You apologize to your friends and to your family and to your team, but you can't somehow do the same with me? Go to hell," she hissed, pulling herself off the bench and hastily rushing past me.

Against my better judgment, I reached out to grab her arm before she could storm off. "I need to know, Ace."

She jerked her arm away from me, the glare on her face one of utter hatred. " _Don't you dare call me that_ ," she whispered angrily.

I took a step back, mostly for my safety, and repeated my question. "Why didn't you tell me?"

A range of emotions passed across her facial features before she settled on dissatisfaction. "Because your father asked me not to," she spoke coolly.

That answer wasn't good enough. " _You were supposed to tell me anyway_."

Her eyes narrowed. "You wouldn't have believed he was doing it because he cared, James," she snapped at me. "You would have thought he was just spying on you, trying to use me to keep you in check."

"I wouldn't have thought that," I argued, but it fell flat because we both know it was a lie.

Her glare intensified. "You are so full of shit," she hissed. "You forget, James, I know how you think. I know how you operate. I know every little thing about you. You would have gotten even angrier with him than you already were because you'd be under the assumption that he was just trying to get me to turn you into his vision of a perfect son. But he never needed you to be perfect, James. He cared about you and he loved you just the way you were. He might have kept his distance but that's only because he thought his own son hated him. And the worst part was, I couldn't tell him otherwise because I was pretty sure at times, you did."

I opened my mouth to argue with her once more but decided telling another lie wouldn't fix anything. "You still should have told me," I muttered, shaking my head.

" _Why_?" she exclaimed, throwing her arms in the air. "Because you would have changed your mind about him? You would have stopped blaming him for all of your shortcomings? You would have stopped resenting him for being your father?"

"It's not about him, Alice, it's about you!" I cried out. "You went behind my back! You were writing my father, telling him all about my life without my permission! You watched me analyze my relationship with him and you didn't do anything to try and fix it! You watched me hate him and you did nothing! How could you just let this all happen without trying to help?"

Even as I spoke, I knew I was blaming her for something that wasn't her fault but I felt confused and helpless and I felt betrayed. Just because I had betrayed her, too, didn't mean it didn't hurt to be betrayed back.

The glare on her face was one I had never seen before and I actually wondered if she was going to hex me. She didn't but maybe I would have preferred that.

"You're only mad because this just proves that all that time when you resented him and snubbed him, all of those hours you spent blaming him for being your father of all things, for holding back and keeping secrets, all that time you were _so bloody determined to hate him_ , your father did nothing but love you!" she hissed, her voice overwrought with rage. "All these years, you were so convinced he hated the son he had but it was you who hated the father you had. It was never the other way around. _He loved you, James_. And you refused to see it because the only thing you've ever done consistently was selfishly push away the only people in your life who should have mattered."

All I could do was stare at her because as much as I wanted to hate her for her words, I couldn't. Because she was right. While I was busy hating my father, he had loved me. While I was resenting him, he still cared. While I was pushing him away, he found a way around it.

He had told me I wasn't to blame for the antagonistic relationship we had built but he had been wrong. I was to blame for all of it. Because if I had just had the decency to talk to him as an eleven-year-old, to straighten everything out, then maybe I wouldn't have had a reason to hate him. Maybe, just maybe, I could have loved him, too.

Despite whatever our future had in store, we would still have to live with the memories of our past. And those memories, or I supposed lack thereof, were there because of me.

The dull ache that had long climbed towards the back of my head now filled my heart, too, as I spoke. "You're right," I murmured.

She blinked in surprise and all of a sudden, it wasn't rage in her eyes but reluctance. "What?"

"You're right. I don't have anyone to blame but myself," I explained. "I did this. Many years ago, I started our war. And you couldn't fight it for me. No one could. I needed to do that on my own. I needed to _want_ to do that on my own."

Reluctance filled her gaze. She clearly didn't know how to respond. Knowing her as well as I did, I could see the conflicting emotions in her eyes. She wanted to agree with me because we both knew I was right but she also wanted to disagree with me just for the sake of disagreeing.

Eventually, she said in a very regretful, and slightly bitter, tone, "Guess you're finally starting to figure things out."

She started to walk away but I called after her, "But you were still writing to him behind my back, Alice. That's still not okay."

She stopped but didn't turn around right away. If I knew her at all, and I'd like to think I did, she was deciding whether to just keep walking or respond.

She went with the latter. "I know," she muttered, surprising us both. She turned around and met my gaze. "He just...he wanted to know how you were. He wanted to make sure you were okay. I didn't tell him anything personal. I didn't dive into your feelings or anything. I just told him about your day, about Quidditch, about your friends and your classes. He was just trying to get to know you."

She made it sound so casual but it didn't feel like that to me. "He shouldn't have gone through you to do it. And you shouldn't have agreed to it."

A sigh fell from her lips. "I'm not saying what I did was right," she murmured. "I just...I didn't know how not to help a guy try to love his son."

Those words out of anything she had said seemed to hit me the hardest. "All while I did everything I could to try not to love him," I muttered.

She opened her mouth but no words formed. There was no argument to what I said. While my father had gone about it the completely wrong way, going through my best friend in an attempt to get to me, it still showed that all these years, he had tried loving me. And all those years, I hadn't done anything except resent him.

And I could sit here and say that he should have tried harder with me. That he should have reached out to _me_ and not to Alice. That he should have pushed and fought his way into my life instead of sit on the sidelines. But I had put him on those sidelines and I had made sure he could never make his way into the actual game. It would be so easy to blame Dad for six years of a rocky relationship but I had been the one to draw the line on the battlefield. And just because the war was over, just because we had stopped our back-and-forth combat and written our peace treaties doesn't change the narrative of the last six years. I knew that I wasn't completely to blame for our antagonistic, or nonexistent, relationship. But I also knew that neither was he.

"I'm sorry I was writing to your father behind your back and I never told you," Alice spoke softly. Hesitating, she sighed and added, "In case you were wondering, that's what a real apology looks like."

I cringed at the sheer bitterness in her tone and watched as she turned around and headed back up to the castle.

I could have let her go.

Only, I was never really good at doing that.

"I'm sorry for hurting you, Ace."

She stopped and for a second that evening, she didn't turn around. "I told you not to call me that."

All I could do was shake my head and say, "I-I don't know how to stop."

There was a long silence before she slowly turned around to face me, the regret flashing across her eyes. "You do, though," she spoke softly. "That's what happens when you tell me I'm insecure and sad and fragile. That's what happens when you tell me that everything I've ever done was for someone who wasn't around to see any of it. When you tell me my goals are meaningless. That's what happens when you tell me I am not the best version of myself. When you tell me I'm too afraid to be the real me. Too afraid to find out what that could be. That's what happens when you tell me that I am just a burden to all the people in my life. That's what happens when you tell me that the person I've become is someone I should hate. And that's what happens when the one person I would always turn to when I was feeling hurt, hurt me most of all. You don't get to call me Ace anymore, James. You lost that right. You lost everything."

Her tear-filled eyes met mine and all I saw was an inconsolable girl in front of me, her heart breaking in front of my very eyes.

And for the rest of my life, I'd have to live with knowing that I did that to her.

"Do you know what it's like?" she choked out, furiously blinking back the tears. "To be so in love with someone just to find out that they've been thinking the worst of you for years? To know that our relationship, and what's worse is our _friendship_ has been based on nothing but lies of omission? To know that the person you trusted the most in the world thought so little of you? To watch the person that you love so much say everything they could to hurt you, everything that they _knew_ would hurt you? To get your heart ripped out of your chest by the one person you never thought could do that to you? _Do you know what that's like_?"

She couldn't hold in the tears anymore. They slid down her face one by one and all I wanted to do was do or say something to stop the tears from falling but I knew I couldn't. I knew I was no longer that person for her, the person who could make the hard things bearable. Who could make her feel better with the right words or actions. Who could make everything okay again. I wasn't that person for her anymore because I had been the one to make things not okay in the first place.

I turned away from her, squeezing my eyes shut to avoid the possibility of my own tears as I watched our friendship fall apart in front of me knowing there was nothing I could do to save it. Because how could I even begin to beg her to forgive me when I knew I'd never forgive myself?

"I'm sorry, Alice," I whispered for there was nothing more I could say. "I'm…I'm so sorry."

The tears continued to fall from her eyes, one by one, the strength inside of her suddenly breaking as her body began to tremble. "You can apologize for saying the words but you can't apologize for meaning them," she choked out. "Not when we both know you did."

The dull ache in the back of my head began to throb in painful spurts as the regret inside of my heart grew to an insurmountable level of torment. "I-I didn't," I pleaded. "I didn't mean them. I just-"

"You meant them," she whispered, her voice hoarse. "You didn't just pull them out of nowhere. You meant everything you said. And why shouldn't you have meant them? You were right. You were right about everything. Maybe I've always known that so many of my decisions were made because of my mother. Maybe I've always known that she influenced me more than I ever really realized. Maybe I've just pretended otherwise. And maybe you made me realize I had to stop pretending. I don't know. I just know that I can't get your words out of my head and it isn't because I don't believe them, it's because I do."

My heart stopped at that confession, to know that my words hadn't just hurt her, they consumed her. It wasn't just her heart I broke, it was her spirits. I didn't just destroy her emotionally, I destroyed her mentally, too.

If I had doubts about being a good person before, they were nothing compared to how I felt now.

"Alice, please don't read into what I said," I begged. "I just said it because-"

"You said it because you hated yourself so much and in that moment, you just needed the only person in the world who refused to leave you alone, who refused to give up on you, who showed up for you even when you didn't want me to, you just really needed that person to hate you, too, so that I could finally just let you go," she spoke, the words sounding so monotonous against her tongue.

It still sometimes surprised me just how well she knew me.

"Well guess what, James?" she spoke through her hazy tears. "It worked."

I felt so helpless, so desperate, as I stared at the only girl that ever mattered to me, knowing that I made her feel as if she didn't.

"Eighteen years of friendship," she whispered, her sobs cutting through my heart like a sharp blade. "Eighteen years of laughs and secrets. Of love and appreciation. Eighteen years of getting to know each other. Of being there for each other in every possible way. Eighteen years of tears and eighteen years of advice. Of drinks and dancing and Quidditch. _Eighteen years, James_. And in eighteen minutes, you destroyed all of it."

I felt myself losing control of everything around me, of the only thing that ever mattered to me, and it sent a tornado of emotions through my heart at knowing that I destroyed something so valuable, so meaningful, something that took eighteen years to build, all because I didn't know how to just allow her to love me.

And I didn't know how to love her back.

I wanted to wipe away her every tear with a swarm of kisses, to tell her that I was sorry that I broke my promise and hence, her heart. I wanted to pull her into my arms and never let her go. I wanted her to love me and I wanted to love her back. Because I did. Standing there watching the heart of the only girl that ever mattered to me shatter into so many irreparable pieces, it became so clear to me just how much I loved her. I was hopelessly and desperately in love with her.

And she would never know how much.

For so many years, I told myself I didn't want love and I didn't deserve it. I was scared of even the possibility of finding it in someone. I ran from it, I hid from it, and I pretended it didn't mean anything.

But the truth was, it meant everything in the world.

I was so busy running from it that I hadn't realized I had already found it in the only girl that ever meant anything to me.

And instead of just telling her I loved her, I let her go. Because I was too scared to admit the truth, too scared to feel anything more than I already felt. I was afraid of letting my ultimate guard down, of allowing Alice to break every barrier I had surrounded by my heart. I was afraid of loving her, afraid of her loving me, afraid that it would all find a way to come to a crashing halt and leave me more devastated than I would know what to deal with. So I did everything I could to push her away, to force her to walk away from me and our relationship. I said what I knew I could say to get her to hate me. And she was right. It worked. And I couldn't take any of it back. No matter how much I wanted to.

This was my chance to tell her that I loved her, to tell her all the things my heart had been so afraid to say all these months, but as I looked up at her, all I saw was heartbreak and betrayal staring back at me and the very idea of telling her I loved her knowing it wouldn't change anything made me far too scared to say the words aloud. It made me too scared to believe in them. It almost made me too scared to even breathe. Those words weren't enough to fix my mistakes.

They weren't enough to fix us.

"I was scared," I admitted hoarsely. "So I did the only thing I do best. I ran."

She met my gaze, her own filled with so much disappointment and regret. She said nothing at first, just staring at me with an air of hesitance as if she knew what she wanted to say but didn't know how to say it. Letting out a soft sigh, she spoke. "And I can't chase you anymore," she whispered, her bottom lip trembling.

Those words didn't surprise me and yet they coated my heart with a fresh layer of guilty agony.

The tears shone in her eyes as she continued. "I can't love a guy who hates himself so much, who is so afraid of feeling anything that he's willing to hurt the only person who never gave up on him just so he doesn't have to admit what his heart is really telling him. I can't love a guy who always runs away from himself and from the world. I can't love a guy who doesn't know how to love himself. I can't love you and I can't forgive you," she whispered, the tears slowly trickling down the side of her face as everything inside of her broke. "It's not that I don't know how. It's that I don't want to. And I wish I could say I was sorry, but I'm not. Because you were right all along, James. _I deserve better_."

I had said those words so many times to her. I had believed in those words so many times. But to hear them from her made me realize just how much I messed up.

All I wanted to do was reach out and grab her, to hold on her to her as tightly as I could as if that might magically fix everything. I wanted to get down on my hands and knees and beg her for forgiveness. I wanted to cry and scream and find a way to make things right again.

But I couldn't.

I didn't just break her heart, I broke everything.

For so long, I had this deep-rooted fear that lived inside every part of me that stemmed from the horrifying possibility of losing Alice. I had always known I needed her, that my life had little meaning without her, and instead of allowing myself more time to just figure my life out, to listen to what my heart was really saying, I annihilated her in some lame attempt at saving her from me. But I didn't save her. I destroyed her. And I destroyed us. So in the end, the one thing I was so afraid of happening happened. I lost her.

But not because she had let it happen, but because I had.

And there was nothing I could ever do to get her back.

This was it for us. This was our goodbye. This was the end. She was going to walk away and I was going to have to let her.

And I'd have to live with knowing it was my fault for the rest of my life.

"I'm sorry," I whispered for there was nothing left for me to say.

She blinked back the remaining tears in her eyes, her bottom lip trembling and her expression turning into one of grave resignation. "I know," she murmured, slowly shaking her head at me. "But sometimes, sorry isn't enough."

As I dared to look her in the eyes, to express everything my heart felt for her in just a single look, the look staring back at me only said one thing.

 _Good-bye_.

She didn't say the words and neither did I but we both felt it.

And when the silence became too much to bear, she finally turned around and walked away.

There have been several times in my life where I had felt like I had hit rockbottom. Several times I had felt hurt and abused and rejected. Several times I felt like I hated my life and everything in it.

But none of that compared to this moment right here.

I stumbled over to the bench, the guilt weighing down my shattered heart in a way that made me feel weak. I wasn't sure what hurt more – the pain in the back of my head or the pain in my heart, but I realized it didn't matter. Neither would go away. Neither would be healed. Not yet anyway. Not anytime soon. I was a broken version of myself that would be impossible to be put back together, nor did I particularly want to. I didn't deserve that. I deserved to feel pain, to hate myself, to live with the consequences of my actions. I deserved the life I forced myself into. I deserved to be alone.

And the truly ironic part was that at the time I had made that realization was the same time I realized I no longer wanted that.

I didn't want to be alone as easier as that might be. I wanted to be happy. I wanted to find a way to live my life. To _like_ my life. I wanted to believe my future was mine to make. I wanted to believe in myself again. I wanted to know that my life was finally beginning. That it wasn't over. That I still had so much inside of me to show myself and to show the world. I wanted to be me again.

But if I had to give that all up, if I had to go back to having nothing and feeling like nothing, if that was what it took to get Alice back, I'd do that. Because even though I told her I was afraid I'd wind up hating her or resenting her or feeling like a failure next to her, I knew none of that was true.

Because I was too busy loving her to feel anything else.

A searing pain shot through the back of my head and I moaned, hunching forward to place my head in my hands and to let myself feel nothing but regret for losing the best thing that ever happened to me.

"Hey."

I jumped, glancing over my shoulder as Fred slowly made his way towards me. I stared at him helplessly, slowly shaking my head in a weird sort of confusion. I didn't say anything and neither did he and I was grateful. The emotions were stuck in my throat and if I even tried to speak in that moment, I wasn't entirely sure what garbled version might come out.

He dropped on to the bench beside me and hesitated before reaching up to clap me on the shoulder, a confused sadness flickering in his eyes. And we both just sat there until I finally found the ability to say what I had wanted to say the moment he walked up to me.

"Why do you keep showing up for me?" I muttered. "I've said some pretty nasty things to you, a few times actually, and yet you always show up. Why? I don't deserve it."

I could see the surprise in his eyes. He didn't say anything at first, his eyes glancing towards the list of deceased etched into the memorial. I could see his eyes flit about until it stopped on one particular person and I didn't have to follow his gaze to know that person was "Fred Weasley." A sad frown filled his expression before he slowly turned towards me and said, "Because, James, sometimes the people who feel as if they don't deserve to be cared for are the exact people who need it the most."

There was so much raw truth to those words and if this was any other time, I might have thanked him for caring about me, perhaps too much, but I was too drained to feel any sort of gratitude towards anyone, not when I was still sitting there in my own little world of self-loathing.

"How did you even know to find me here?" I muttered.

When he didn't answer, I looked up at him to see him chewing awkwardly on the inside of his lip. With a soft sigh, he said, "AliCat thought you might need a friend."

I squeezed my eyes shut at the mere mention of her. "I break her heart into a million tiny pieces and she still finds a way to care about me."

There was a long silence before Fred answered. "Loving someone can't just be shut off overnight."

That managed to send another painful jolt straight to my heart. "Great," I murmured, my eyes fluttering open. "So I have that to look forward to."

Fred blinked in surprise, his head turning towards me sharply. "Was that you admitting that you love her?"

This time it wasn't the pain in my heart that exploded but the pain in my head. I winced and reached up to rub my temples, trying to remove some of the tension between my eyes. "I always have," I muttered, my bottom lip trembling.

I could feel an unexpected rush of hot tears pooling in the back of my eyes and I couldn't tell if it was because of Alice or because my headache only seemed to get worse.

"Did you tell her that?" he pleaded.

I shook my head, which was a colossal mistake as the pain in my head only spread. "It wouldn't have changed anything."

He paused. "Or maybe it would have changed everything."

I said nothing, shutting my eyes tightly in an attempt to push away the throbbing agony twitching behind my eyes.

He elbowed me in the side and I popped my eyes open to glare at him. "Why are you so damned afraid to just tell her how you feel? Why won't you just let yourself love her?"

"You sound like her," I muttered, rubbing my temples in a slow, circular motion. Unfortunately, that only seemed to make the pain worse.

He picked himself off the bench to stand over me with a glare. "Well, maybe she has a point!"

Of course she had a point. But the truth was, the truth that no one was ever really willing to admit, was that love wasn't always enough. It couldn't conquer all. It wasn't unconditional. Love could hurt and it certainly hurt me. Because loving her wouldn't make her forgive me. It wouldn't change what I said, what I did to us. Loving her could only make my heart hurt more and right now I was dealing with far too much pain to even consider the idea that it could quite possibly feel worse.

"I hurt her," I muttered, though my voice sounded so far away. "There's no coming back from that. It's…it's over."

I felt like crying and screaming at the same time, not sure if the throbbing in my heart or my head was greater in that moment.

"It doesn't have to be," Fred spoke desperately. "She laid her heart out on the line for you, she told you exactly how she felt, and you have yet to do the same to her. She deserves that, James. She deserves to know that even when you were pushing her away, you were loving her."

I ignored him, shutting my eyes tightly to block him and the rest of the world out as I felt my head teeter between hot flashes and cold fronts, sending a wave of nauseous dizziness through my entire body.

" _James_ ," he groaned at me but I barely heard him as another shooting pain spread throughout the back of my head, so much I was certain I was moments away from vomiting. It felt as if there was a clamp squeezing against my head, waiting for my brain to explode. It was throbbing uncontrollably and even with the deep breaths I was trying to take, nothing was working to alleviate the pain.

"James?" I heard Fred say tentatively. "What…what's going on? Are you okay?"

I tried to shake my head or nod or do something, but all I could do was lean forward, placing my head in my hands with a moan as an odd sort of fear started to take over the moment I began to see spots in front of my eyes.

" _James_?"

Fred's voice sounded so far away as my body began to tremble, the pain suddenly shattering through every part of my head and neck.

And with the pain too much to handle, everything suddenly went black.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

When I woke up, the first thing that I noticed was that the pain in my head was gone.

The pain in my heart, however, was still very much there.

I blinked, slowly bringing everything around me into focus. In doing so, I noticed a curtain around my bed and Fred snoozing on the chair beside me.

I guess that meant I was back in the hospital wing.

Leaning back against my pillow, I let out a sigh as I stared up at the ceiling, wondering what had happened that had landed me back in that bed. Unlike the last time, I remembered everything leading up to me passing out. I remember Alice not forgiving me and I remember Fred showing up because Alice told him to.

I winced as a soft pain pulsated in my head. In doing so, Fred stirred and awoke from his slumber. He met my gaze and shot up almost immediately. "Hey," he greeted.

I offered him a nod. "Hi," I muttered.

He looked at me, the regret sinking into his disheartened expression. "You've got to stop scaring me like that, mate," he pleaded.

I met the desperate concern in his eyes and felt unexpected guilt well up in my heart for seemingly always finding myself in these precarious situations around him. I didn't know what to say to make it all better, so I simply asked, "Why am I here?"

He blinked once before his eyes narrowed angrily. "If you fucking tell me that I should have left you at that goddamned memorial, I may actually strangle you with a pillow."

"No," I said, shaking my head, "I didn't mean why did you bother bringing me here. I meant what the hell happened that got me here?"

He sighed and stood up off the chair with a sigh, but before he could retort, the curtain fluttered open and Madam Clearwater wandered in. "Ah, I thought I heard voices," she greeted me with a smile. "I have to say, Mister Potter, I was really hoping I wouldn't ever have to see you back here."

"I just assumed you'd miss me too much if I didn't make one last appearance," I smirked.

"Well, it's too bad today's incident did nothing to alleviate that overconfident attitude of yours."

I frowned at the use of her words. "Yeah, any chance you could tell me what led to this so-called incident?"

A hesitant frown filled her expression. She briefly glanced towards Fred before turning back to me saying, "Fred gave me some insight on what happened before you passed out but I'm hoping I could get your insight as well."

My brow furrowed. "Nothing happened," I argued. "I was just sitting there talking to Alice and then I was talking to Fred and then…suddenly, I wasn't doing so much talking."

"Can you tell me what you were talking about?"

I winced as I recalled the conversation. "Does it matter?" I mumbled.

There was a long silence before she spoke again. "I think it's about the only thing that does matter here."

I blinked in confusion. "What?"

"Please, just tell me what happened."

I was thrown off by the unexpected desperation in her tone so instead of once again brushing it off, I sighed and said, "Alice and I…we just talked. I don't know. It didn't end all that well for me. Then she walked away, I didn't, Fred found me, we discussed it, and then I woke up here."

Her lips pursed. "And what about your conversation with Miss Longbottom didn't end well?"

I glared up at the nurse. "I'd rather not go into detail, alright?" I snapped irritably, wincing as a sharp pain tugged at the back of my head.

She appeared to not be offended by that, her head tilting to the side hesitantly. "Tell me, how does your head feel right now?"

I was ignoring the slight pulsating in my right temple but apparently she wasn't. "It was feeling fine before you started asking me all these questions," I muttered.

I saw her exchange a look with Fred, both of their gazes holding way too much concern for my liking. "Mental stress comes in many forms, James," Madam Clearwater spoke softly. "Anxiety, fear, nerves, uneasiness. These are all very common factors that may cause some pressure to build up in the head, which will feel about ten times worse when your brain is healing from a concussion. I imagine you experienced some lingering headaches since I released you from the hospital? Perhaps regarding Quidditch?"

I didn't know where this was going but I merely nodded.

"But the worst possible cause of mental stress also happens to be the hardest to let go of," she said sadly. "And that just happens to be heartbreak."

Well, shit.

"When an emotional heartbreak occurs, it causes a phantomized pain inside your heart that actually stems from your head telling you that that pain is real when technically it isn't."

Certainly felt real.

"Your brain then goes into overdrive to compensate for that emotional pain and releases adrenaline inside the brain cavity in an attempt to absolve it. The problem is, your concussion has swelled your brain and therefore, that adrenaline has nowhere to go, Mister Potter. It only builds up in your head until it takes over completely."

I didn't even know what to make of any of that because it sounded like she was telling me I needed to stop feeling heartbroken.

And I didn't see that happening anytime soon.

"Okay," I murmured, not even sure how else I was supposed to respond to that.

She frowned. "Do you understand what I'm trying to say?"

I could only shrug. "Yeah, but unless you have some potion or spell to make me stop thinking about Alice, I don't really know what I'm supposed to do with any of that information," I pleaded.

Pity stared back at me, both in her eyes and in Fred's, but I didn't have it in me to even care how pathetic I might be coming off. "It just means you're going to have to spend a lot more time resting and a lot less time on other more possible stressful activities," she spoke.

"No stress, hm?" I scoffed. "Well, then, it's a good thing N.E.W.T.s are coming up."

Fred snorted. "Right, like you've ever cared about exams before."

He made a good point.

I sighed and leaned my head back against my pillow. "I guess I'll see what I can do," I murmured.

"There's no guessing about it, James," Madam Clearwater spoke, her voice tender. "If you don't find a way to take care of yourself, _really take care of yourself_ , your brain not only isn't going to heal, it's just going to get worse. I hardly think that's what you want."

What I wanted was Alice.

That was irony at its best, wasn't it? Because not only could I not have her but I couldn't even think about her. And how was I supposed to do that? How was I supposed to just move on from eighteen years in a single day? _Someone please tell me how I'm supposed to do that because I'd really like to know_.

"Okay," I murmured again because I wasn't entirely sure what else to say.

She frowned. "This is serious, Mister Potter," she pleaded. "If you want to heal, if you ever want to play Quidditch again, if you want to stop ending up in this bed, you need to make your health your first priority."

I was the one lying in a hospital bed so I was fairly certain I knew just how serious it was.

"I know," I muttered because even though I didn't know what I was supposed to do about the situation, I also knew if I didn't figure out a way, I'd be finding a rather permanent home in that hospital bed.

She didn't look entirely satisfied by that answer. But before she could find another way to tell me my health was at risk, I changed the subject quickly. "Just tell me, Fred, how many people at this school already know I fainted like a pathetic fool?"

"No one, really."

I shot him a look.

"Maybe half, give or take."

I groaned. "Great."

"Everyone knows it's just a side effect of the concussion," Fred spoke softly. "They're all worried about you, James. No one thinks you're a pathetic fool."

Except for me.

"Get some rest, Mister Potter," Madam Clearwater insisted. "You need it."

I could have argued but at least when I was sleeping, I wouldn't have to think about the fact that I destroyed my relationship with Alice.

I winced at the mere thought and Madam Clearwater's eyes narrowed. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I muttered. "Just tired."

"Sleep," she urged, a bit too forcefully. Turning towards Fred, she said, "You should be heading back to your dorm now, Mister Weasley."

He nodded but didn't leave right away.

She sighed. "Two more minutes," she grumbled before disappearing past the curtain.

Fred turned to me after she left. "Clearwater was going to tell you to stay away from Quidditch altogether but I said that would only stress you out more," he spoke.

He knew me well.

"Don't make me regret telling her that."

I frowned. "This isn't about Quidditch," I muttered.

I saw the sadness in his eyes as he spoke next. "I know."

Turning away from him, I sighed and asked softly, "Does…does Alice know?"

He grimaced. "That you're in the hospital wing? Yeah," he murmured. "But she doesn't know why."

Great.

As if on cue, a sharp pain struck the back of my head.

Fuck.

"James," he spoke softly and I looked up at him, sensing a profound comment on its way. "I want nothing more than for you and Alice to find your way back to each other. I want you to tell her that you love her, tell her all the things she deserves to hear. I want you two to be okay again. I want to believe that you two aren't over, but…"

I sensed where this was going and still I said, "But what?"

He met my gaze with a sad determination. "If there's no coming back from what happened between you two, if this is really it for you guys, if there's nothing left, if she can't forgive you and you can't forgive yourself, if she feels the need to let you go, then you have to find a way to let her go, too. For your own sake."

If only it was that easy.

"How?" I whispered. "She was the best thing that ever happened to me, Fred. How am I just supposed to let her go?"

Fred said nothing for a long time. And when he did, I wished he hadn't.

"I think you already did, mate."

Those words alone caused a stinging pain in between my eyes, one that lingered far more than I would have liked.

And it was enough to tell me that if I ever wanted to get healthy, if I ever wanted to get up on a broom again, to play Quidditch whether recreationally or professionally, I needed to move on. The answer to healing my concussion was in healing my heart. And if I couldn't have Alice in my life, I at least needed Quidditch.

Because it was about the last thing I had that I still believed in.

So I gave myself one last night to mourn the loss of my friendship with Alice. I let myself have one more night to hate myself. To feel remorse and regret and pain. Lots and lots of pain. I got it out of my system. At one point, I felt the tears prickle the back of my eyes and I didn't stop them. I let myself cry over losing the best thing that ever happened to me and I let myself feel an overwhelming amount of shame for knowing that I had caused that. I let my heart break one final time knowing that there was a chance it would never be healed again. I dreamed of all our childhood memories, all the ones that used to make me happy but now only made me hate myself for ruining them, for ruining us. I thought of all the times we danced it out and all the jokes we told. I thought back to the moment I asked her out and the moment she said yes. I thought about that first kiss we shared and the last one we had and I thought about everything in between.

And when I woke up in the morning, I pushed all of those thoughts into a very tiny compartment into the back of my brain and told myself to keep it locked up forever.

I loved Alice. A part of me probably always would.

But there was nothing left for me to do except let her go.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

 **A/N:** Well, we got a bit more of angtsy James but we also got apologetic James and hopeful James. What James will we get next?

Up next: saying you'll let go and actually doing so are two very different things


	41. Unhurt You

**A/N:** And we have ourselves yet another long chapter, folks. I heard the song that this chapter is named after a week or two ago for the first time and all I could think about was James and Alice. Every word sung fit them like a perfectly sculpted glove. It was so fitting that I heard the song during this particular moment of the story, when things are so rocky and unsteady for the pair. If you're daring, try listening to the song (genre: singer-songwriter) while reading the chapter. It brought the chapter to life for me.

Okay, enough about the song. We are winding down to our last few chapters (can you believe it?) so let me know if there's anything you'd like to see before the story wraps up. Anything in particular you feel is missing? Anything you want more of? Less of? Any storyline or character you feel is unfinished? Any thoughts on how you think it should end? Any thoughts at all?

* * *

 **A WAY WITH WORDS**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 41: Unhurt You

" _I'm still learning to live without you  
Some days are better than the rest  
The only thing I still hold on to  
The only thing I still regret  
I know I cannot unhurt you  
I know there's nothing I can do  
I wish I could erase the pain you went through  
But I know I cannot unhurt you  
Some days I barely think about you  
Some days you never leave my mind  
The only thing that never changes  
I wish I could go back in time  
Yeah I hope that someday we'll both finally move on  
Yeah I wish for a way I could right all of my wrongs  
Yeah I hope that someday all the pain will be long gone  
But today all I have is another sad song."  
_-Sam Mooney

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I was released from the hospital wing the next morning, with another few hundred warnings from Clearwater along with a small bottle of anti-inflammatory potion to be used cautiously if the pain inside my head got to be too much.

It was early Saturday morning, two weeks before the final Quidditch match was scheduled to take place, so the hallways were virtually empty. I was thankful because the last thing I wanted or needed was a group of bothersome students asking me how I was feeling.

My initial reaction was to head back to my room but I found myself in the library instead. Not so surprisingly, I saw Rose and Jax holed up at one of the circular tables in the back and I made my way over to them.

They both glanced up and then did a double-take. "James," Rose greeted in surprise. "Hi. You doing okay?"

I shrugged. "Fine," I spoke flatly. "Do either of you have some extra parchment and a quill I can borrow?"

They exchanged a look. "You're not planning to use it to write a suicide note, are you?"

I shot my cousin a look. "Well, someone is morbid at nine o'clock in the morning."

She grinned sheepishly and reached into her bag. Pulling out what I requested, she handed them to me. "I have more parchment if you need it."

"I'll need it."

Her eyebrow shot up. "Are you planning to write an novel-length letter to the Health Minister about the lack of proficient magical remedies for concussion injuries?"

My eyebrow twitched upward. "No, I plan to hit you upside the head with it," I drawled.

She hesitated before shrugging. "Well, at least I'd be well-versed in the art of nursing a concussion."

"No, no concussion for you," Jax groaned. "We'll be down a chaser for the next match completely!"

She glared at him while I couldn't help but laugh. "That's all you care about? The final?"

He hesitated. "I love you?"

She chuckled before leaning over to kiss him.

Once upon a time, the gesture would have made me nauseous.

Now, it just made me jealous.

"Can I get more parchment, Rose?" I murmured.

She glanced up at me curiously but instead of asking me any further questions, she reached into her bag and handed me an entire bad full of parchment.

"Thanks," I said with a single nod before shuffling over to a table deep in the back of the library. I sat down, pulled out the first page of the parchment and started to write. When I finished the first letter, I copied it nearly word for word on to the next page. I did that fourteen more times until I had a letter drafted to each and every professional Quidditch team in Europe. And when I was done with Europe, I moved on to Australia and then Africa and then South America and then Asia and last, North America. I introduced myself, gave them my stats, explained my injury, and begged them to consider me for a spot on their next year's roster.

Before my accident, I had limited myself to ten teams, to ten top teams, believing in myself so much, perhaps to the point of boastfulness, that I thought I only deserved the best. But my concussion gave me some much-needed perspective. I didn't need to be the best. I just needed to play.

By the time I gathered all of the letters together four hours later, there was a genuine smile on my face. My first one in weeks.

Which faded just a few minutes later when Alice slipped into the chair opposite me.

"Hi," she greeted, biting down on the bottom of her lip.

I met her gaze. "Hi."

She shifted uncomfortably in the chair. With a lopsided smile, she said, "I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

My heart began to race and I knew it was only a matter of time before it would reach my head. "Why?" I asked softly. "I'm not your problem to deal with anymore."

She blinked in surprise, clearly not expecting my blunt retort. "Just because you hurt me doesn't mean I can stop suddenly caring about you," she whispered.

I said nothing at first, staring at her and wondering if things would ever be okay with us again. As the guilt filled my heart, I felt a slight throbbing pierce the back of my head. And I knew then that it didn't matter if we were going to be okay one day. We weren't okay now. We weren't a we at all. And the only chance I had at being okay on my own, to finding a way to healing both my heart and my head, was to let Alice go.

"You should," I spoke hoarsely. "Stop caring, I mean."

She blinked again. "What?"

It took me a while to respond, so many thoughts swirling around in my head. All I wanted to do was reach out, pull her close, and never let go. But I couldn't do that. We weren't the same people we once were and I was to blame for that. And there wasn't anything I could do to make it all okay again. We weren't okay and we wouldn't be okay and I couldn't pretend that that didn't hurt. I couldn't pretend because my heart and my head wouldn't let me. And there was a part of me, a small part of me, that was okay with the pain if it meant keeping Alice in my life. But she wasn't a part of my life anymore. She couldn't be. She wasn't my girlfriend and she wasn't my friend. She told me she couldn't love me. She told me that she couldn't forgive me. What we once had no longer existed. There was nothing left for me to hold on to but the memories.

"Our last conversation landed me in the hospital wing."

The shock in her eyes was unmistakable. "What?"

I said nothing at first, not even sure why I was telling her all this except that I needed her to know that all I could do at this point was to let her go. Not because I wanted to. But because I had to.

"Apparently the number one cause of a concussion relapse is heartbreak," I whispered.

As expected, she still looked confused.

And so I explained it to her. I told her what Madam Clearwater had said, told her that the broken heart I felt because of her caused me to pass out. And when I was done, there was a pain in her eyes like I had never seen before.

"I…" she trailed off, her bottom lip trembling. "I did this to you?"

I shook my head. "No, Ace," I whispered, the nickname slipping out just like old times. She didn't scold me for it this time. " _I_ did this. To _us_."

An agonizing silence followed as we both let those words sink in.

Eventually, I spoke again. "All of this is my fault. I said and did a lot of things to you that are unforgiveable. I hurt you and that hurts me. Thinking about it, thinking about _you_ hurts. Being around you hurts even more. It's not your fault, Ace. It's mine. But…"

Her bottom lip trembled. "But?"

I turned away from the pleading in her gaze. I said nothing at first knowing that once I did, I wouldn't be able to take back the words. It might be the answer to moving on but it scared me to think that my life might not include her. It scared me to think that we wouldn't be there for each other like we always had.

But as I dared to look back at her, I saw the hesitation in her gaze. I saw the regret and the uncertainty staring back at me, telling me that too much has changed between us and it would be a long time, if ever, before things would be okay between us.

With an incredible amount of regret in my heart, I said, "But I don't think I can be around you anymore if I have any chance at getting better."

Her breath hitched but she said nothing.

"You told me you couldn't love me anymore," I whispered, "And I don't expect you to. I certainly don't deserve it. And I don't blame you for it either. That's not what this is. But if we can't be the people we used to be together, then the only other option is not being anything at all."

There was a numbness in her eyes that nearly broke my heart. I wish this conversation could be an entirely different one, but it wasn't. I hurt her, she didn't know how to forgive me, and that's all there really was to it.

I wanted to tell her then that I loved her, that everything we had been through wasn't for naught, but I only feared that might make things worse for us. I only feared that that might just hurt her more. So I said nothing.

And I watched her struggle with holding back the tears. I watched a world of emotions flicker across her eyes, the pain and the confusion and the doubts pouring from her sad gaze. I knew telling her that we needed to be nothing was as painful for her as it was for me. Just because we made so many mistakes didn't make saying goodbye easy. We had spent the last eighteen years together, had spent the last eighteen years making a lifetime of memories together, sharing secrets and laughs and love, showing up for each other when we needed it the most and even sometimes when we didn't, loving each other as friends and eventually as a couple.

But I couldn't love her anymore. I wasn't allowed to love her anymore. I couldn't have her as my girlfriend or as my friend. I couldn't have her at all. So I needed to stop needing her and I needed her to stop needing me. This may not be what either of us had ever wanted but in that moment, it was the only thing that we both needed.

"I don't know how to say goodbye to you, James," she whispered so desperately and so painstakingly.

"Then don't," I blurted out before I could stop myself.

She met my gaze and said nothing but I saw a look of resignation in her eyes, a look that told me she had already said goodbye to me the moment I had broken her heart.

"I have to," she choked out as she stood up from the table. "You were right. We…we have to do this. We have no other choice."

I knew she wasn't going to fight for me. I knew she wasn't about to forgive me. I knew I destroyed everything that was good between us, so much that we couldn't come back from.

And yet so much of me had hoped she would find a way to change my mind.

But she didn't. And I couldn't blame her for that. All I could do was blame myself for never letting myself love her.

And for never telling her.

She turned to walk away, to end the final chapter of our story.

But there was just one last thing I had to do before I could let her go.

"I hope you know, Ace, that if your mother were alive today, she'd be incredibly proud of the person you've become," I whispered. "Because I know I am."

She froze but didn't turn around. I could hear the tears in her wavering voice when she spoke. "Thank you, James."

And then she was gone.

I pretended it didn't hurt to watch her walk away. I pretended to be okay with it. I pretended to believe it was the best thing for the both of us. I pretended because it was the only thing left to do.

But as much as it hurt to pretend, it hurt even more not to.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

After the Owlery, I finally returned to the Gryffindor common room and made my way up to my bedroom that I hadn't seen in over twenty-four hours.

So much for resting up and taking things slow.

As I climbed the stairs, I only then realized just how exhausted I was. It was only just after five o'clock but I could see myself falling into a deep sleep and not coming out of it until the next morning's Quidditch practice.

Entering the room, I nearly slammed into Dash who was leaving. He yelped and jumped back, laughing only when he realized it was me. "Damn, I'd hate to be the guy who reinjures the already-injured."

I blinked. "Yeah, if we could avoid calling me the already-injured at all times, that would be magnificent."

He chuckled. "I'd ask how you're feeling but I have a feeling you'd hex me into a thousand pieces."

I considered this. "Not a thousand. Maybe just a hundred."

"How considerate of you."

With a laugh, I slipped past him towards my bed. "Where are you headed?"

He grinned sheepishly. "Meeting up with Kye."

My eyebrow shot up as I whirled around to look at him. " _Oh_? Did perhaps something happen while I was busy shutting out the world?"

He hesitated. "We're…" he trailed off, shrugging. "We're more than friends, let's say."

I blinked. "That's what you're calling it? 'More than friends?'"

"We haven't exactly had that conversation yet," he said with a nervous chuckle.

"Did you sleep with her?"

He scowled. "That's private information, thank you very much!"

"Which basically means yeah, you slept with her."

He shrugged sheepishly. "That might have happened once. Or twice. Maybe six times."

"Bloody hell, you're counting how many times you slept together?" I groaned. "You have it bad for her, m'friend."

He didn't seem to mind admitting that as he offered yet another shrug and said, "Yeah, well, she's pretty incredible."

"So here's a thought, _have that conversation with her_."

"Isn't the girl supposed to bring up that conversation?" he whined.

"By counting how many times you've slept with her, I'd say you probably are the girl in this relationship."

He opened his mouth to argue but then shrugged. "Hell, have you seen her biceps? She could take me out with a single finger if she tried."

"I'd suggest not giving her a reason to do that."

He laughed and then headed for the door. Pausing, he turned back and said, "You seem good, James. You good?"

I froze at what should have been a throwaway question.

Was I good?

I wasn't even entirely sure I knew what 'good' felt like anymore but as I pondered the question, knowing that I just put an end to an eighteen-year-old chapter in the story that was my life, I also knew that all I could do was be grateful that I still had a life to live. I was still me whether Alice was there or not. A life without her seemed tragic but I was somehow still standing. It wouldn't be easy but I'd move on. One day, I'd be happy again. Things would work out, whether they work out according to some plan or they don't. My concussion would heal and I'd find a way to play Quidditch, hopefully, and even if I didn't, it wouldn't be the end of the world. I've dealt with a lot of heartache over the years and I found a way to move past all of it. So this was just another obstacle. Maybe my toughest one yet but it wasn't impossible. Nothing was impossible.

So I glanced up at Dash as a smile crept along my face and slowly nodded. "I will be," I said.

And for the first time in a long time, I actually believed it.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

When I pushed the door open to my bedroom, I was grateful to see that only Fred was there. Parker and I seemed to be following through with our whole never-speak-to-each-other-again deal we came up with. I could have gone on hating him but hate had only ever gotten me in trouble so I decided to go with apathy instead. I didn't care what he did or where he ended up because he didn't mean anything to me. He was just a roommate I'd have no problem saying goodbye to.

"In case it doesn't get said enough," Fred grumbled, "N.E.W.T.s are the worst."

I chuckled as I dropped into bed with a stifled yawn. "I think that gets said plenty," I chuckled.

He slammed his textbook shut with a growl. "Where have you been all day anyway? I haven't seen you at all."

"Library" was my very succinct answer.

I could feel his eyes on me. " _You_ were in a library?" he spoke skeptically. "I think that concussion has really fucked with your brain, mate."

I suppressed the urge to roll my eyes. "I wasn't studying," I clarified. "I was drafting letters to every single Quidditch team hoping at least one of them might consider me for a roster spot next year."

He went quiet for far longer than I expected and when I glanced his way, I saw him staring at me with an intense look of reluctance. "Do you know where you'd like to end up?" he asked, his words slow and deliberate.

"Yeah, on a Quidditch team," I fired back.

He shot me a look, clearly unamused. "I know you were considering going to an overseas team. Is that still what you want?"

I had contemplated that question all day in the library for even though I wrote to every team, my heart felt different things for each. Some good, some indifferent, some confusing. Knowing it would be an uphill climb, I truly did believe that I'd be pleased going to any professional team whether local or overseas.

And while that was still very much true, it was that last letter I wrote to the Cannons, a letter I knew I had saved last for a reason, that had my nerves at all all-time high. My heart had been racing, my palms sweating as I thought of the possibility of playing for a team I had grown up worshipping. I had spent thirteen years of my life dreaming about being a Cannon and now that I was finally letting myself dream again, putting aside the past few weeks and even months, I felt a kinship towards the Chudley Cannons that I didn't feel for any other team.

My heart was finally telling me exactly what I needed to hear. And I was finally ready to listen.

"I thought I needed to get out of the country to make a name for myself," I murmured. "I thought I needed to get away, to separate myself from the prying eyes of the press and the stigma that came with my last name. I thought I wanted to find out who I was or who I could be in order to finally find security and happiness with my life."

Fred's eyebrow popped up. "And you don't want that anymore?"

I turned and met the confusion in his gaze. "As it turns out, I had already found out who I could be," I murmured with a heavy high. "In Alice."

He froze, his mouth parting at that confession.

"I never needed to be anyone but me with her," I whispered. "She was the only person that I think I've ever truly just been myself with. And that was a guy I was proud of. Right before I wasn't."

A speechlessness came over him, which I had fully expected. He opened his mouth a few times but no words came out.

"Ironic, isn't it?" I muttered as I lifted my gaze towards the ceiling, "That I finally found all the things I had been so frantically looking for all my life just to then lose them?"

Fred frowned, gathering his thoughts before saying, "Life isn't always fair, is it."

I could only shake my head. "No, it isn't," I muttered before adding, "But I guess an unfair life is better than no life at all."

Slowly, he nodded. "So what does this have to do with what team you might want to end up on?"

I shrugged. "I don't need to move to Australia or New Zealand or South America to be who I am. I don't need to find myself anymore. I don't need to run away or distance myself from the world I grew up in. That world _is_ my world. Whether I always like it or not, I'm a Potter. I'll always be a Potter whether I'm here or overseas. There will be people who will always find a way to judge me. And for so long, it bothered me. But that's because I was judging me, too. I'm still figuring out a way to accept who I am, but knowing that Alice always just saw the James in me without the last name gives me hope that maybe I can see that within myself one day. And maybe, just maybe, so, too, can the rest of the world."

He looked both impressed and curious. "That still doesn't completely answer my question."

I rolled my eyes. "I want to play for whatever team will have me," I said, "But if I got a vote, I wouldn't mind sticking around Britain for a while longer."

Fred grinned. "It's because you can't imagine leaving me behind, isn't it."

I shot him a look. "Aren't you moving to France?"

"Oh, right."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I was slowly returning to my usual routine, excluding the fact that Alice wasn't a part of it. I doubled up on practices much to my teammates' chagrin, showed up and actually participated in class (nearly gave Neville a heart attack when I raised my hand voluntarily), spent my free time revising, joined the masses in the Great Hall for meals, and after a few days, everything started to feel normal again.

Well, as normal as they could feel without my best friend.

Alice and I barely spoke unless you counted Quidditch practice. It was awkward at first, we both felt it, but after a few days, we grew into it. We weren't friends but we weren't enemies. We were just teammates, mere acquaintances who simply existed in the same world as one another. She didn't hate me anymore but she also couldn't forgive me. So all that was left for us was, in the most strictest sense of the word, nothing.

Her presence was everywhere and yet we kept our distance. We sat on opposite sides of the table in the Great Hall. We sat tables away from each other in class. We kept our heads down if we crossed paths in the hallway. She stopped coming by the Gryffindor common room and I avoided the library when I knew she'd be there. It wasn't easy. The hardest thing I ever had to do was put that distance between us but I had no other choice. I didn't just want to find a way to move on her from her, _I needed it_. I needed to find a way to be okay with a life in which she wasn't a part of. I needed to know that I could survive that. I needed to know that there was more to me than her.

Sometimes that very idea seemed farfetched and impossible. Sometimes, I'd be up late at night unable to sleep and a flash of memories would strike in a sad and heartbreaking way. I'd think about her crooked smile and her sparkling periwinkle eyes and I'd think about her lips on mine. I'd think back on all the songs we've ever danced it out to, all the Quidditch matches we dominated in together, all the secrets we shared and the adventures we had. And the memories hurt. They were a reminder of all I lost, all I gave up. But they also made me smile because even though I knew our futures would never collide, at least I had eighteen years of some of the best memories I'd ever have to hold on to. I might have screwed it up in the end but there was a lot I did right for eighteen years leading up to it.

Slowly, my heart stopped aching at the memories and instead I'd smile at them. Eventually, the pain started to disappear and in replace of it was appreciation. Eventually, I stopped thinking about our past and started thinking about my future. And slowly, very slowly, I started to feel like me again.

"A fort?" drawled Rose with her hands planted firmly on her hips. I swear she looked more like her mother every day.

"That's what I said," I spoke with a nod.

" _A goddamned fort_?" she hissed, her eyes growing with irritation.

"Yes, isn't it grand?" Fred's voice called out before he poked his head outside of the small opening in the pillows.

"You have literally moved _all_ of the couches and the chairs in the common room together, stole all of the pillows, tore sheets off of a handful of beds to…build a fort?"

I glanced down at Fred. "She said that already," I said. Glancing back towards Rose, I said, "You said that already."

" _I know I said it, I'm just not sure you're hearing me_."

"N.E.W.T.s are stressing us out, Rosie," I said with a shrug, "So we needed a no-exams, no-school, no-education, no-exceptions zone."

"And voila!" Fred said, picking himself off the ground with a groan. "This is what we came up with. Brilliant, isn't it?"

"That is hardly the word I'd use!" she groaned.

"Are you just jealous that we didn't include you?" I teased. "Don't worry, next time we spontaneously decide to build the most epic common room fort ever, I'll make sure to invite you to join in."

" _There isn't giogn to be a bloody next time, you morons_."

"Did she just call us a moron, Jameso?" Fred questioned.

"I believe she did, Freddo."

"What should we do about it, Jameso?"

"Well, never invite her to partake in our epic fort-making, that's for sure," I huffed.

She glared at the both of us which I had fully expected. "You took all of the furniture away from a hundred other stressed-out Gryffindors who are very much in the yes-exam, yes-school, yes-education zone _to make only the two of you happy for, like, ten minutes_ and you don't see something wrong with that?"

"Er…three," I said, rubbing the back of my head sheepishly. "To make the three of us happy."

Her eyes narrowed. "Who else helped build that fort?" she demanded.

No sooner had she asked did Jax's head pop out from the pillows. "This fort is the coolest! Why did it take six years for us to come up with this?"

Rose stared at him, stunned, but for only a moment before the anger took over. " _Jackson Bloch, what the hell were you thinking commandeering all of the common room furniture for a little play time_?"

He paused. "James made me do it."

"Hey!"

"Fred, too."

"That's better," I huffed.

Fred rolled his eyes. "Jax just sold us down the river, mate."

I shrugged. "Eh, we had a good three-hour run of it. It had to end at some point."

" _You've kept the furniture hostage for three whole hours_?" Rose shrieked. I was pleased to see that her glare was settled on Jax. "Remind me why I date you?"

"Because you love me?" he suggested sheepishly.

She hesitated and then groaned. "Dammit, I do. I really do," she sighed. "I hate that."

He climbed off the floor with a nervous chuckle. "You're still going to take off points though, aren't you."

"Five points from each of you," she sighed. "Now clean this all up and put the furniture and the bed sheets back where you found them or I'll throw in a few detentions, too."

She stormed off towards the girls' stairwell.

"Damn, that girl is sexy when she's mad," Jax murmured under his breath.

Both Fred and I glared at him. "Yeah, if you could refrain from calling our cousin 'sexy' in our vicinity ever again, that would be superb."

Jax winced. "Heh, almost forgot who I was talking to there."

"Whoa, does that mean you're talking to other people about our cousin's sexiness?" Fred scowled.

Jax hesitated. "Why don't I clean all of this up on my own and we pretend this never conversation happened?"

I exchanged a look with Fred, who shrugged. "Yeah, sure, I can live with that."

"Me, too," I agreed, saluting him and heading off towards the boys' stairwell quickly before he could change his mind.

As the two of us made our way up the stairs, Fred said, "Did we really just waste an entire evening to build a fort?"

"Yes, we did and it's the most fun I've had in weeks," I replied with a chuckle. "It was nice just being in the moment, y'know? We've been spending so much time thinking about the Quidditch match and upcoming exams and graduation and the future that sometimes it's hard to remember to enjoy the life we have in this moment."

As we filed into our bedroom, Fred asked, "Do you?"

"Do I what?"

He dropped on to the edge of his bed with a small frown. "Do you enjoy the life you have right now, in this moment?"

I'd be lying if I said a picture of Alice didn't come creeping into my mind but I managed to push it away before it could linger for too long. "Life is short, right?" I said with a shrug. "It shouldn't be taken for granted."

Fred met the sincerity in my gaze. "You didn't answer the question."

I sighed. "I don't know if I'm completely okay with it," I admitted. "But I'm not not okay with it."

His eyebrow shot up. "I don't like when you talk in riddles."

"That wasn't a riddle. That was me being philosophical."

"Oh, sure, okay, of course," Fred said, rolling his eyes.

"I feel like you're mocking me."

"Well, would you look at that. Your brain is starting to make some sense out of things."

I responded by pummeling him in the face with a pillow.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"We charmed the Great Hall ceiling last year," Fred sighed a few days later as the two of us attempted to come up with end-of-the-year pranks in the common room. "We have to go big this year. It's our last year for Merlin's sake!"

"Well, then you think of something," I huffed.

"You're the brain and I'm the brawn. Don't try to change things up now," he argued.

"Okay, one, my brain hasn't exactly been the same lately," I pointed out. "And two, when the hell did you dub yourself the _brawn_?"

"Sometime during our fifth year I think."

I couldn't help but laugh. "What about doing something on a more global level?" I considered. "We always strike the Great Hall but if you want to go big, we could find a way to include the entire castle."

His eyebrow shot up. "I like where this is going."

I sat back and mused for a moment before speaking. "The portraits," I said with a slight nod. "I think I may have a charm that could get them to sing some type of song or chant whenever movement is detected nearby."

Fred's eyes grew wide. "You really think we could accomplish that?"

"Hey, go big or go home, right?"

He grinned and leaned back against the couch cushion with a satisfied smirk. I started digging through my old Charms notes, looking for the charm I was referring to, when Fred said, "Is it weird?"

My brow furrowed. "Is what weird?"

He glanced at me out of the corner of his eyes. "That AliCat isn't here to scold us for our prank-planning?"

I froze, my hand stopping on its current page, before slowly turning towards Fred. "Yeah," I spoke softly. "It's weird."

He winced. "Sorry," he murmured. "I shouldn't have brought it up."

I shrugged. He didn't say something that I hadn't already thought of. She was often in the back of my mind. I'd think about how much she had changed me for the better, how much she had made me _want_ to change for the better. I'd think about all the times I held back from her, unable to say the things I felt in my heart because I was too afraid to feel them. I'd think about all the times she was there for me, all the times she showed up and made me feel like my life was worth living. I'd think about the way she had always made me feel, like I could do and be anything because she believed in it even when I hadn't. I'd think about our childhood, about how easy things had once been. And I'd think about how that all changed as we entered Hogwarts, navigating one hell of a scary world.

But what I'd think about the most was the way she stared at me, the hurt and betrayed look in her eyes, the moment I had broken her heart.

I'd always regret that moment. For the rest of my life, I'd regret it. But I couldn't take it back. And so all I could do was live with that regret and hope that one day, I wouldn't hate myself for it so much.

I glanced over at Fred who was looking at me curiously. "It's okay," I sighed in resignation. "I think I've finally realized that as much as this concussion was the reason we went our separate ways for good, I don't know if I could have gone back to being anything other than the guy who got to love her. Friends just wouldn't have felt the same. It would have been just as hard, if not harder, as not being around her at all. Maybe this is what we both really need."

I saw the surprise flash across his eyes as an impressed smile appeared on his face. "How oddly mature of you."

I shoved him with a laugh before returning to my notes.

"Did you ever tell her?"

"Tell her what?"

Long pause and then – "That you love her."

My heart skipped a beat before I slowly shook my head. "It would have done more harm than good," I muttered.

"You don't know that."

I sighed. "Yeah, I do," I argued. "Instead of being her best friend of eighteen years who ruined everything in eighteen seconds, I would have been the best friend who loved her for eighteen years who ruined everything in eighteen seconds. And that somehow just makes it worse."

He didn't seem to agree. "You do this all the time, James," he sighed. "You talk yourself out of listening to your heart because you're too afraid to find out what it might have to say. But don't you think she deserves to know how you really feel?"

He wasn't wrong. I was an expert at running from my feelings and it didn't surprise me that Fred could easily pick up on that seeing as he had once been an expert, too. But this was no longer about letting my heart feel. It was about letting it heal. "And one day she will," I murmured. "One day I'll tell her. One day when it doesn't hurt so much. One day when she needs to hear it the most. One day when the right amount of time passes, I'll tell her that she changed my life for the better, that I've probably loved her since before I could crawl, before I could ever even say the words or any words for that matter. I'll tell her that the three months we dated were the happiest I've ever been and probably ever will be. I'll tell her I loved her with everything I had even though I couldn't say the words aloud. One day. But that day isn't today, Fred."

"But-"

"It's not today, Fred," I spoke firmly. "Today, I'm still figuring out how to let her go. Today, I'm still just the guy who destroyed everything we built together. And I'm still not okay with that. When I am, then I'll tell her."

He looked at me skeptically and I could tell he still would have liked to argue but eventually he nodded. "Y'know, James," he said with a slight awe-filled shake of the head, "That almost sounded like a grown-up thing to say."

I shrugged and then chuckled. "I suppose the Peter Pan inside of me had to turn into a Wendy at some point."

He blinked. "So what I'm hearing is that you're a woman now?"

That was about the time I smacked him with my notes.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I somehow got swindled by Rose to join her in the library on a Friday evening. _A Friday evening_. And I regretted it nearly an hour later when Rose was trying to test me on things she was somehow an expert in and I couldn't seem to remember. I didn't love the idea of being upstaged by my younger cousin.

"My head hurts," I moaned, dropping my head on to the table with a whimper.

"That's what happens when you try to cram two years-worth of N.E. revisions into three weeks," Rose said with a shrug.

I lifted my head long enough to glare at her. "Or maybe that's the concussion telling me I need to take a break."

"Or maybe that's your brain telling you that you're an unintelligent wuss."

I shot her another glare. "I'm starting to wonder why I decided to come to the library with you."

"Because you no longer have Alice to drag you here?"

Whoa.

She winced when she realized she said that aloud. "I-I didn't mean that."

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, you did."

She frowned. "Well, I didn't mean to say it _aloud_."

I sighed. "It's fine," I muttered even though it wasn't. "It's not like I don't know everyone's thinking it."

Rose looked at me curiously. "Thinking what?"

I frowned as I stared at the page in front of me. "That I fucked up the best thing that ever happened to me."

Rose said nothing which pretty much confirmed what everyone was thinking.

"It's okay to think that," I muttered. "I think it, too."

Rose looked like she wasn't entirely sure how to respond to that. With a hesitating sigh, she dared to ask, "Do you think you'll ever be friends again?"

That was a question I had been adamantly avoiding ever since I forced myself to let Alice go. Because it wasn't the idea of losing the only girl I've ever loved that hurt the most. It was the idea of losing the best friend I ever had. The girl who had been there for me during all of my good and bad times. My past didn't' exist without her. My _memories_ didn't exist without her. And I feared that that might mean I wasn't worth existing without her.

But I did this to us. So I was the one who had to figure out how to live my life even if she wasn't a part of it anymore.

"No," I murmured not because I necessarily believed it but because I had to.

The regret in Rose's face was unmistakable and I was grateful when instead of questioning it further, she said, "How's the head?"

The question reminded me that I let Alice go for a reason, but I just shrugged. "It would be better if I wasn't cramming useless facts into it at the moment," I whined. "In case it doesn't get said enough, I hate school."

"Good thing you only have a few more weeks here," she pointed out.

That still seemed like far too many. I was about to say that when another thought occurred to me. "Y'know, that might be the first time you didn't use the opportunity to remind me there was still a chance I wouldn't be graduating."

She looked up from her notes in horror. "Oh, my God, that doesn't mean I think you're maturing, is it?" she gasped.

"I certainly hope not."

She looked at me and I looked at her and we both burst into laughter.

It got us thrown out of the library for being too rowdy but it had somehow been worth it.

The two of us moved through the hallway until we rounded a hallway and came across Albus and Reese. Because Rose never did anything halfway, she called out, "You sure you two should be walking alone? Anyone could just come along and hex you!"

Albus and Reese whirled around. The latter rolled her eyes but my brother just laughed and said, "There are two of us and two of you, one of whom is my dimwitted brother. I think we can take you, Rose."

"Dude, why is everyone calling me unintelligent tonight?" I groaned.

"Oh, don't worry, that not just a tonight thing," Rose assured me with a smirk.

I swiftly reached over and put her into a headlock, which had her shrieking and then following it up with a groan. "Bloody hell, I have to remember how quick your reflexes are," she said, shoving me away.

"You may want to work on your own reflexes, Rosie Dearest, before next week's final," I reminded her.

"Nah, won't do her any good," Reese spoke up with a grin. "We'll still crush her."

"Don't make me put you in a headlock, too, Baby Girl," I sighed.

She shook her head. "My reflexes are faster than yours, Potter. You couldn't put me in a headlock even if you tried."

"That sounded an awful lot like a challenge."

She just laughed and Albus used that time to swoop in. "Did you hear? The entire Peasley gang will be here next Saturday rooting us, but let's hope mostly me, on."

I rolled my eyes and then replayed his words in my head. "When you say the entire gang, you mean…"

"I literally mean the entire gang," he said with a shrug. "Mum, Dad, Aunt Hermione and Uncle Ron, George and Angelina who somehow convinced Percy and Audrey to come, Grandmum and Grandpop will be there, oh and Teddy and Victoire obviously who are bringing Dora, not sure about Uncle Bill and Aunt Fleur though they love a good Quidditch match so I wouldn't put it past them, and…oh, I think that's everyone."

I was both excited and nervous by that. "How sad it will be for them to watch you crumble to the ground like the losing team you'll be."

He scoffed. "Hey, remind me, James, who here has actually won a final?"

He played dirty. But that's okay, I knew how to play dirty right back. "Y'know, Al, I'm not sure if you're aware of this but I'm supposed to staying away from all possible mental strain stressors and we all know I do not take losing well. Do you really want me to relapse again?"

He looked at me, his eyebrow slowly making its way into his forehead. "You're using the 'don't make my concussion worse' excuse in an attempt to get me to, what, throw the match?"

"It depends. Is it working?"

"Not even a little bit."

"Then, no, that's not what I was doing at all," I said sheepishly.

His upper lip curled into a grin before a chuckle spilled out. "It's so much more fun taunting you about losing a match now that you have a sense of humor about it."

"You mean when you got everyone else on your team to taunt me because you never had a backbone to taunt me yourself?"

He glared at me.

"It's so much more fun taunting you about your spineless ways now that you have a sense of humor about it," I teased.

"Oh, I'll give you spineless," he huffed, reaching into his back pocket for his wand.

"Oh, no you won't!" Rose scoffed, stepping in front of me. "No dueling in the hallways, Albus Potter!"

He made a face. "You take the fun out of everything, Rose."

"I'm a prefect. We're supposed to take the fun out of everything," she teased.

"You do realize I'm a prefect, too, right?"

"Not a very good one apparently."

While Reese and I failed at stifling our laughter, Albus and Rose partook in one of their infamous glaring matches.

Albus eventually shrugged. "That's fine. You be the better prefect. I'll choose to be the better chaser."

With a wink, he grabbed Reese's arm and took off down the hallway.

"YOU'LL BE EATING YOUR WORDS ON SATURDAY, ALBUS SEVERUS POTTER!" Rose shouted.

"That's it, I'm upping our practices to three a day," I muttered.

When she turned to me, to presumably attempt to shut me up with a glare, she said, "The team would quite literally band together to kill you in your sleep and then all of your hard work to heal that concussion of yours will be out the window. Along with your very dead body."

"How very descriptive of you," I chuckled as we started down the hallway again.

"Hey, James?"

I glanced at her. "Yeah?"

There was hesitation in her eyes as she spoke. "Do you really think we can win next Saturday?"

I was put off by the concern in her voice. "You don't?" I questioned.

She shrugged, an uneasy look settling into her expression. "I've only really been practicing with this team for three weeks," she reminded me. "What if I'm not ready for this? I don't want to be the reason we fail."

I was admittedly shocked at her words as Rose wasn't one to come off as anything but confident. "Y'know, Rose, it took me about eighteen years to realize this but Quidditch isn't an individual sport, it's a team sport. You have an entire team backing you and supporting you and giving you the strength to be the best chaser you can be. And if we lose, we lose as a team. It won't be because of you."

She didn't look entirely convinced but she was smiling so I had to believe she was at least appreciative of my words. "I really thought when you were named Captain, there was a chance you'd run the team into the ground so hard that they would fall apart during matches, but I hope you know that what you've done with and for this team is something that we are all incredibly proud to be a part of."

All I could do was stare at her. Rose Weasley was not a woman who doled out very many compliments so when she did, you knew she meant them. And I was truly grateful that if I couldn't be the one up in that air during the finals, it could be her.

"Aw, I feel a hug coming on!" I said with a teasing grin, reaching out for her.

She jumped back with a groan. "You know how I feel about showing affection," she whined.

"Doesn't matter. C'mere, cousin. We're hugging it out," I said, reaching out again.

She let out another whimper but with a sigh stepped into my arms and embraced me. When she let go, she smiled up at me. "I know I've pretty much said a thousand times to so many different people behind your back that you are the biggest nuisance to be stuck in a family with, but you're really not all that bad, James Potter," she said and with a shrug, she took off down the hallway.

"Aw, so sweet of you to—wait, who have you been calling me a nuisance to? Rose? _Rose_?"

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I somehow made it through the week. I'd be lying if I said it was easy, to pretend that with everything I did, I didn't want Alice sitting there beside me. When I heard something funny, I had wanted to run to her and tell her. When I was grumbling about schoolwork, I wanted her to be there to roll her eyes at me. When I needed advice, hers was the only advice I wanted. I wanted to sit with her in the Great Hall and make her laugh. I wanted to hold her hand and kiss her. I wanted to love her. But I couldn't.

There were times that that still really hurt. There were times I felt the strain in my heart and in my head. It wasn't as painful as it had been previously, and nothing that felt life-threatening, but it was still there. But I made it through the week and I somehow made it through without any pain potions. So maybe I still wanted her but at some point, I let myself stop needing her. It wasn't easy but I did it. And I'd continue to find a way to stop needing her.

The person who was possibly affected most by all of this, excluding myself and Alice, was Fred. I could see he felt torn between us. He wanted to be there for me but he also wanted to be there for her. He kept trading off between us, sharing lunch with me and dinner with her. Sitting next to me in Herbology and her in Transfiguration. Hanging around me in the common room one night and hanging around her in her bedroom the next night. Studying with her during their free period and studying with me after lunch. It was taking a bit of a toll on him, yet I hadn't realized how much until late Monday night when I came across Ryleigh walking out of the library.

"You know this is the library, right?" she teased, shifting her books from one arm to the other.

I rolled my eyes. "Like I haven't heard that joke before," I teased right back, sliding past her and towards the entrance.

"Hey, James?" she called out after me.

I turned around. "Yeah?"

She slowly stepped towards me, an awkward frown appearing on her face. "Can I ask you something that's going to possibly make me sound like the most selfish person on the planet?"

My eyebrow shot upward. "Color me intrigued."

She bit down on her bottom lip, her eyes filling with uncertainty that told me she didn't know how to phrase what she wanted to ask. With a sigh, she began to speak. "Between Quidditch practices and Fred bouncing back and forth between you and Alice, he and I haven't spent a whole lot of time together lately, which is understandable, but we'll all be leaving this place in just a few short weeks and I'm trying to at least spend as much time with Fred now before who knows what's going to happen, and-"

"You're rambling, Carver," I chuckled.

She winced. "Is there any chance I could steal Fred tomorrow night?"

I blinked in confusion. "Shouldn't you be asking him this?"

She shifted uncomfortably. "I did. And he said you two were planning to hang out."

That was news to me. "We have no concrete plans or anything," I said with a curious shrug. "We claimed we'd do some revisions but mostly, it'll just end up as us joking around with whoever else is around."

That only appeared to make her look more awkward. "I know you don't have concrete plans," she murmured. "But in his mind, you do."

My brow furrowed. "Why?"

She let out a soft sigh, turning her gaze away from me as she bit down on her bottom lip hesitantly. "He's just trying to make sure you and Alice are okay," she eventually spoke.

I was shocked and yet strangely touched by those words because it was only then I realized just how much my broken friendship with Alice had somehow caused Fred to be stuck in the middle of something that he wasn't sure how to balance. "That's very much appreciated," I told her with a nod, "But neither one of us needs babysitting."

More awkwardness flickered in Ryleigh's eyes. "You might not think so but he does."

I sighed. "And again I say why?"

There was a long pause before she answered. "Because, James," she spoke, her voice softer than I anticipated, "He was the one who found you lying unconscious in a hallway. He was there when he saw you break down during your fight with Parker. He watched you black out at the memorial. He watched you deteriorate into nothing, into a mere shell of a broken human being in front of his eyes. And he was the one who had to tell Alice that you refused to see anyone in the hospital wing, even her. He was there to be her crying shoulder when you completely broke her heart. He watched her fall apart when she realized she couldn't forgive you, when your friendship and relationship were over. And he was there to hold her when he had to tell her that you were in the hospital wing again. He was there for the both of you through it all. And he feels as if he needs to be there as the both of you try to find a way to feel okay again. Because maybe then he can feel okay, too."

Every single word she spoke sent a chill down the edge of my spine. It caused my heart to go numb and my limbs to feel heavy. Fred didn't feel stuck in the middle of myself and Alice. He felt obligated. I had questioned him that day at the memorial, wondering why he always showed up when I didn't deserve it, and he told me that was why I needed it the most. I didn't question it then nor did I show any sort of gratitude and looking back, it was obvious how much I had taken him for granted. I always believed it was Alice who never gave up on me, who refused to let me be alone, but I still had one last person who always managed to show up for me when I needed it most. And never once did I thank him for it.

"He…" I trailed off, shaking my head. "He never said anything to me."

"Why would he?" she said with a hesitant shrug. "All he wants is for you to be able to move on, to feel like yourself again. So why would he dredge up the past when he's trying to get you to forget about it?"

I could only sigh. "He might be the most selfless bastard in the world right now."

She smiled at me. "He's pretty great, isn't he."

I could see the pride in her eyes as I slowly nodded. "He is," I spoke softly. "And I feel like the worst friend for never even considering telling him that."

She swiftly shook her head. "He doesn't need you to tell him that. He doesn't need a thank you or for you to show gratitude. He doesn't need you to praise him or lift him up. He just needs you to know that he'll always be there for you."

There was another awkward silence between us before I spoke. "I do know that," I said softly. "Only, he can't be there for me all the time. And that starts with tomorrow night."

Her brow furrowed. "What?"

"He's all yours tomorrow, Carver."

She smiled. "Thank you, James."

I nodded. "He's given me so much," I admitted with a quick shrug. "It's time I give him something back."

Her eyebrow popped upward. "Which is?"

"A night of hot and steamy sex with you, I'd hope."

I ducked as she attempted to swat at me, the both of us laughing in unison. "Not all relationships are about sex, you know," she laughed at me.

My laugh quickly faded. Once upon a time, it had been. Until someone came into my laugh that very quickly changed my mind about that. "Yeah," I murmured. "I know."

She seemed to realize she brought the mood down and frowned. "Sorry, I didn't mean-"

"I'll talk to Fred," I cut her off with a forced smile. "I'll let him know he's off the hook as my babysitter tomorrow night. Oh, and wear a low-cut top because that's how I plan to get him to choose you over me."

She rolled her eyes. "Won't matter what top I wear. It'll end up on the floor," she teased, winking at me as she headed down the hallway.

"Someone once told me that not all relationships are about sex, y'know!" I called out after her.

She turned around, wearing another smirk. "And sometimes they are."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

When I wandered into my bedroom that night after the library, I was pleased to see that Fred was the only one there. He glanced up and offered me a nod in acknowledgement before returning to his notes.

"Your girlfriend is planning to wear an incredibly low-cut top tomorrow night," I spoke, tossing my bag on to the end of my bed. "So if you're not planning on having sex with her, I guarantee some other bloke will."

Fred slowly lift his gaze from his notes to gape at me. "Uh, I'm sorry, _what_?"

I smirked, peeking into Franny's cage to see she was fast asleep. "I know what you're doing, Freddo."

He blinked. "I'm revising Charms," he drawled. "Can we get back to my girlfriend's attire choices? What's this I hear about a low-cut top?"

I chuckled as I dropped on to the edge of my bed with a yawn. "Alice and I do not need you to spend all of your free time ping-ponging between us," I spoke firmly. "Tomorrow night, you are going to spend one night away from us, with Ryleigh, and you'll come to realize that as much as we appreciate you being there, that we have always appreciated you being there and that we will always continue to appreciate you being there, we don't need you there every second of every day. You're allowed to take time for yourself. So take time for yourself tomorrow night."

I could see the Weasley blush creeping into his dark cheeks as he looked at me. "I'm not ping-ponging between you two," he spoke slowly, enough to tell me he was lying. "We've just all been busy with Quidditch and revisions, y'know?"

My eyebrow shot up into my forehead. "Alright, then tell me this, when did you last have sex with that girlfriend of yours?"

His mouth dropped open as he stared at me. "That…" he sputtered, shaking his head vigorously, "That is so none of your business!"

I smirked. "That long, hm?"

He glared at me. "I'd hate to have to punch you in the face and start the whole concussion-healing process all over again," he grunted.

"That would kinda defeat the purpose of babysitting me, wouldn't it?"

" _I haven't been babysitting you_ ," he groaned.

"Seems like maybe you have," I argued pointedly.

He looked flustered, more than I was expecting him to, as he hastened to find a way to shut down my argument with very little luck. "I…I have work to get back to," he stammered, returning his gaze back on to his notes with a grunt.

Okay, I thought this was going to be a lot easier than it was turning out to be.

Picking myself off my bed, I lopped myself on to the end of his and tore his notes out of his hands. "Hey!" he cried out.

I ignored him as I tossed the notes to the floor. "I came to the really selfish realization today that while I apologized to everyone else for being a complete and utter ass to them, I never really apologized to you," I spoke firmly.

"You don't have to-"

"Yeah, Fred, I do," I sighed. "I was in a really dark place after what happened and I took it out on you. No, actually, I _blamed_ you."

"James, you really don't have-"

"I never once considered how hard it must have been to find me in that hallway. And I didn't consider how scary it might have been to watch it all happen again at that memorial. I didn't think about you once because I was too busy feeling sorry for myself. So in case it doesn't get said enough, thank you, Freddo, for being more than a cousin. Thank you for being my best friend."

He didn't interrupt me this time, just stared at me with a mix of emotions ranging from shock to bewilderment and appreciation. His eyes softened with resignation before he spoke. "It's okay, James," he said with a curt nod.

"It's not," I said with a shrug as I climbed off of his bed and headed back to my own, "But thank you for saying so."

He looked at me and this time I saw a slight panic in his eyes that confused me. "Alright, I can't make you think that I'm spending all of my time with you and Alice as some sort of guilt trip because I've also sorta, kinda, definitely been using it as a bit of an excuse to keep my distance from Ryles."

I blinked. "Uh, I know that I am clearly no expert at the whole relationship thing, obviously, but I don't think you're supposed to want to distance yourself from the girl you love."

He let out a guilty sigh and lifted his gaze towards the ceiling. "We have four weeks left here, James," he murmured. "And then what?"

That was the age-old question, wasn't it?

"I think you're allowed to still love Ryleigh outside the Hogwarts walls," I drawled. "Again, no expert, but I'm thinking that's pretty much a given."

He shot me a look. "I know this is you we're talking about but is there a chance you could be serious for, like, five minutes?"

"My record is four, but for you I might be able to spare an extra minute."

He glared at me.

"Which starts right now," I said with a sheepish grin.

"Next week, Dad is signing that lease on a shop in the French village of Flannery, right outside of Beauxbatons, and I'll be the one to manage it."

I grinned at him. "Fred, that's great," I said with a curt nod. "Your own shop to manage. That's what you've always wanted, wasn't it?"

"Yeah, I thought so. I mean, yeah, it is. Was. Until…"

It dawned on me what he was trying to get at. "Ah, until Ryleigh."

He met my gaze. "Until Ryleigh."

I nodded in understanding. "Well, what did she have to say when you brought the subject up to her after Easter Break?"

Fred hesitated.

"You did talk to her about it after we spoke, right?" I drawled.

"Uh…well…I was going to talk to her about it," he said, rubbing the back of his next as he let out a sheepish chuckle. "Er…but then I didn't."

I chucked my pillow at his face. " _What is the matter with you_?"

"I didn't know what to say!" he murmured, shaking his head at me. "I was…oh hell, I _am_ a total coward."

"Oh, good, at least we both can agree on that," I groaned.

He sighed and glanced back up at the ceiling. "I'm about to go all mushy on you so consider yourself warned, but I never once thought in a million years I would be in a relationship with a girl much less fall in love with someone and here's this absolutely perfect girl that just strolled into my life out of nowhere and who made falling in love with her so easy but being in love means that it actually physically hurts to think about the possibility that come June, we will probably be living in completely different countries where every time we want to see each other, we have to apply for a cross-border floo or apparition license, and who the hell wants to spend all of their time dealing with the bloody Ministry who we all know is not good with response times which means I can't just spontaneously decide I want to see her when I have some free time or just want to stop in to say hi and it just makes everything so bloody hard and why the hell does my Dad have to franchise in France when our shops do so bloody well in England?"

I could only gape at him, my mouth parted as he went on a rant in a direction I hadn't completely seen coming. But as he did, I became aware just how much I understood every sentiment he spoke about. I knew what he was feeling. I could feel his confusion and his pain for him. I never really understood why people said that loving someone can hurt but I understood it now. Because it wasn't always easy loving someone. It meant that there were two people involved, two lives, two decisions, all of which somehow had to be compromised into one relationship. And that wasn't easy to do when you weren't physically near each other, when you had an entire country's border coming between you two.

"What does Ryleigh plan on doing post-graduation?" I asked cautiously.

Fred shrugged. "No plan yet," he murmured. "She loves Potions so she's been looking into apothecaries and potions labs for apprenticeships. She's applied to a few but hasn't heard back."

I looked at him curiously. "Tell me, Fred," I spoke hesitantly, "Have all the apothecaries and potions labs in France burned down recently that I'm just not aware of?"

He shot me a look. "No, but her family is in England. Her life is in England. I can't ask her to give any of that up."

"The thing is, Fred," I sighed as I slowly shook my head, "There's a chance you wouldn't even have to ask."

Fred met my gaze and only then did I realize just how much this was troubling him, the worry lines creasing his foreheads and bags settling in under his eyes. "Or," he spoke softly, "I tell her I'm moving to France and not only does she not want to come with me, but she no longer wants to be with me at all."

I understood the sentiment of trying to avoid getting one's heart broken by avoiding that opportunity altogether, but it wasn't something I agreed with. Not anymore. "That girl begged me to allow you to take a night off of babysitting yours truly, the concussion-ridden, heartbroken, pathetic shell of a boy, so that she could spend a few hours with you. Believe me, Freddo, she wants to be with you."

He cracked a smile but I could still see the uncertainty in his eyes. "I just don't want to…" he trailed off with a sigh.

"Lose her?" I choked out, my own loss suddenly sending a pit of despair into my heart.

He met my gaze and slowly nodded.

I ignored the heaviness in my heart as I spoke next. "Don't turn out like me," I murmured. "Don't push her away, find an excuse to distance yourself from her, be too afraid of losing her that you don't appreciate the time you have with her. Because I promise you, it won't end well."

These appeared to have been the first words that he was actually considering. At least my own heartbreak was good for something.

"So, I should…" he trailed off again, considering his options.

" _Talk to her_ ," I finished with a groan. "Tomorrow night. No more putting it off."

He glanced at me. "If she really is planning to wear a low-cut top tomorrow, I don't really know how much talking we'll end up doing."

I looked at him and he looked at me and then we both burst into laughter.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"Uh, Rose, you do realize that the hoops you were supposed to be aiming for are on the _other side of the pitch_ , right?" I groaned Wednesday morning.

She flew towards me and dismounted. "I can't move my legs or my arms let alone _think_ ," she whined. "This is the second practice in less than twelve hours, James. Sometimes we all need a break!"

"You can get a break," I urged. "It starts Sunday."

She glared at me. "I don't think you're hearing me, Potter," she scoffed. "My every limb is _throbbing_."

"Don't talk to me about throbbing until you're stuck with a concussion, Rosie," I tossed back at her, which only had her whimpering as a defense.

"I knew we should have kept Fred as Captain," Jax muttered and while there was a trickle of laughter from the others who had also dismounted and were gathering together nearby, I just glared at him.

"This is our last chance this year to show the world what we're made of. Call me selfish, but I'd like to be able to hold up that Cup at least _once_ during my tenure on this team. We have been to the finals more times than anyone and yet we can't seem to win that blasted Cup. It's infuriating. But I have faith this year and you know why?"

"Because we're a better team without you playing?" Fred said cheekily.

I glared at him. " _No_ , because you don't go through all the shit we went through this year not to come out on top."

That earned me several blank looks. " _That's_ why you're convinced we'll win?" Lily groaned. "Because we're _due_?"

I grinned sheepishly. "I didn't say it was a good reason."

She sighed. "Yeah, we definitely should have kept with Fred as our Captain."

"You will all thank me for these practices when we win Saturday," I huffed.

"No, I have a feeling we'll still be grumbling under our breaths about them," CJ argued.

"You want laps, Colton Juggernaut Wood?" I sighed.

"I'm pretty sure if you gave any of us laps right now, our legs would fall off."

My upper lip twitched and I eventually let out a laugh. "Alright, fine. We'll cut this practice early. You are looking really good out there anyway so I suppose I can give you this treat just this once."

They all threw their arms up, cheering, which only made me laugh more. "Yeah, yeah, hit the showers, why don't you? You all stink."

They all raced towards the clubhouse as I began to collect the various equipment. It took me a few minutes to realize that my sister hadn't gone after them.

"Oh, by all means, if you want to be the one to gather up the Quidditch equipment, go for it," I teased as I locked up one of the bludgers.

She slowly shook her head, a smile creeping on to her lips. "This look suits you."

My eyebrow shot up. "The no-sweat, dry-land, limbs-in-place look?" I said with a teasing grin.

"No," she said with a chuckle. "The happy, smiling, optimistic look."

I turned towards her sharply, my mouth parting at the strange compliment. But as I considered her words, I realized that as much as I thought it would be impossible to ever smile and mean it again, it appears that it happened without me even realizing it. With a curious chuckle, I shrugged and said, "I did the pessimistic thing for so long that I figured it was time to give a new look a whirl. See how I feel about it."

She smiled at me. "Well, like I said, I like it," she said softly. Hesitating, she added, "And I hope you know that everything will work out for you. As much as you won't say it, I know you're scared about what your future may hold, but I have a feeling we'll be cheering you on in some professional Quidditch stands next year."

I was a little thrown by her words but only because I hadn't had a single response from any of my letters I sent out. I wasn't expecting many responses but I was hoping for at least one nibble. Just one team to recognize how much this meant to me. _Just one_. But nothing came. And there was a chance nothing might.

"Thanks, Lils," I said because I wasn't entirely sure what else to say.

She smiled at me and said, "And maybe this is my selfish side talking but I'd kinda really like it to be a local team."

I looked at her in surprise. "What?"

She shrugged. "It's possible I might miss you if you jet out to some other corner of the world."

More surprise filled my gaze. "Really?"

She shrugged again. "You can be hotheaded and stubborn and quite annoying and it would be great if you stopped glaring at CJ or hexing him any time he comes within an inch of me and you are quite skilled at saying all the wrong things at the wrong time and you have this annoying habit of interfering when you shouldn't and-"

"Are you planning on going somewhere with this?" I said, speaking over her.

She grinned sheepishly. "But you're my big brother. And I can't imagine my life without you around."

I gaped at her, stunned by her touching display of affection. "That might be the nicest thing you've ever said to me," I spoke softly. Hesitating, I said, "Actually, that might be the nicest thing you've ever said, period."

She laughed and shoved my arm. "I take it back. I won't miss you."

I chuckled. "You know what, Lils?" I said with a smile. "I'm kinda hoping I'll be playing on a local team, too."

Her eyebrows shot up. "Really?"

I nodded. "I thought I needed to get away from my family," I spoke softly. "But I think all I've ever really needed was to be loved by them. And now that I've got that, how could I possibly leave?"

A smile broke out across her face. "So you really want to stay in England?"

I thought about it before slowly nodding. "I really want to stay in England."

She looked at me, her smile slowly growing. "Maybe I won't have to miss you after all then," she said before disappearing off towards the clubhouse, leaving me to ponder yet again what really was in store for me in the future.

I had spent half of my life dreaming of playing for the Cannons, and then after my birthday fiasco with my father, I had switched dreams in a matter of seconds. I wanted to leave the country in order to leave him behind. And then my dreams changed _again_. I wanted to find a way to be somebody all on my own, to figure out how to be James without the Potter.

I had spent the last few months basing my dreams, and my future, off of everyone else. I thought I wanted things because of the way other people looked at me, the way other people judged me. I thought I wanted to get away from it all, from my father and my insecurities, from the press, from the spotlight. I thought I wanted a completely new identity. But it was time I started thinking about my own dreams and stopped worrying about what others thought.

And the only dream that mattered anymore, perhaps the only dream that ever really mattered, was my dream to play Quidditch. At one point I wanted to be a Cannon, at another point I wanted to be on an Australian team or a South American team, and at another point I wanted to be on only ten teams. As I let all other dreams fade, all that was left was my original dream of being a Cannon. It had been there when I was a wide-eyed, excited five-year-old kid and that kid still lived inside of me.

So I wrote to the Cannons again. I wrote to Alistair Hartman himself, the head offensive recruiter for the Cannons. I told him that the Cannons were the very first team I ever saw live. I told him that my father had bought the tickets and an accompanying sweatshirt and I remember sitting on his shoulders as the stadium exploded in incredible cheers. I told him that they were my dream, the only dream that had ever really meant something to me. I told him why they needed me just as much as I needed them. I told him that I had broken several school records, I reiterated my many stats, explained to him why there was no man better for the Cannons than me. I told him that I would be the hardest working chaser that they'd ever see and I begged him to help make a desperate man's dreams come true.

And still, I didn't hear back.

I didn't hear back from any of the teams I wrote to.

So what now? What was my next move?

Or was I all out of moves?

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Slytherin had the pitch Wednesday evening so I took a break from yelling at my team to read up on the sports section of the _Daily Prophet_. Now that the season had ended, players were being traded and being dropped and retiring and I liked to keep myself updated on what spots were actually available with each pro team. I pretended not to notice that most of the available spots belonged to beater and keeper. Several seeker positions had also opened up. So many of the open chaser positions were going to reserve team members, so I suppose I should be happy to know that at least spots on the reserve teams are opening up. If only being on a reserve team was what I really wanted.

But maybe I could spend a year on a reserve team proving to everyone why I deserved a starting roster spot. Maybe being a reserve was my very first stepping stone. Maybe I needed to just slow down and enjoy life a little more instead of always searching for the fast lane. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

I was really starting to hate that word.

"Well, I told her."

I glanced up as Fred dropped on to the couch beside me. "Am I supposed to know what you're talking about?"

A rather delirious-looking smile appeared on Fred's face. "I told Ryles I was moving to France at the end of June to start the renovation process on our latest shop that I'd eventually wind up managing."

My mouth parted. "Well, shit, look who manned up and grew some balls."

He smacked me in the face with a pillow.

Chuckling, I said, "I'm assuming based off this creepy smile thing you've got going that it went well?"

The smile on his face looked genuinely heart-warming. "Her response was 'when do we move,'" he spoke softly.

As much as it pained me to know that I lost the girl that I loved, I was incredibly happy for Fred and the girl he loved. "You know what I'm about to say, right?"

"Oh, don't do it," he whined. "Don't ruin this perfectly solid moment with an 'I told you so.'"

"Hey, I don't get to be right very often," I huffed. "Let me have this!"

He groaned and buried his head into a pillow. "Alright, just do it. Rip the bandaid off."

I grabbed the pillow away from him with a grin and smacking him in the shoulder with it, said, " _I fucking told you so_!"

He let out another groan that only made me laugh. "Oh, that was so much worse that I thought it would be," he whimpered. "I hate smug James."

I grinned and hit him with the pillow again.

He swatted me away. "Stop bruising me, Potter!"

"I told you so! I told you so! I told you— _argh_!"

That time, I was the one who got walloped by a pillow.

Totally worth it.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"I hate finals," Fred grumbled, dropping down on to the common room couch beside me. "I fucking hate them. Like really, _really_ hate them. They should die a very painful, fiery death and never come back to haunt us."

My eyebrow popped upward as I stared at my cousin. "Not that I'm not in agreement with you, but what did the finals do to you this time?"

" _They bloody existed, that's what_."

"Ah, well at least you're being specific then," I chuckled.

I was currently in the middle of revising Transfiguration, which had always been my easier subject but seeing as I had ignored all of my classes for a few weeks, studying had become a bit of a disorganized frenzy. In case anybody was convinced that missing out on a few weeks wouldn't put you that far behind, let me be the first to say that they are very, very wrong.

" _I. Hate. N.E.W.T.s_."

I glanced up as Dash sat down on the couch on other side of me. "How do you know you hate N.E.W.T.s? We haven't even taken them yet," I joked.

Dash wagged his finger in my face. "You sure you want to mess with me right now? I just spent the last hour practicing human transfiguration spells."

"Ooh, any chance you've perfected the coloration spell?" Fred asked. "I can't seem to get my eyebrows to be anything but black."

"I would very much like five minutes where I _don't_ talk about school at all," Dash whined, dropping his head back against the couch cushion.

"Sorry, but AliCat has come up with a study schedule for me for the next few weeks and there is absolutely no free time included," Fred grumbled, stretching out his limbs and stifling a yawn.

"Oh? Then what are you doing lazying it up now?" he fired back.

Fred paused. "Don't tell AliCat."

"Are you all that surprised that she's not giving you any free time?" I questioned. "She's always made us study schedules in the past, every year stricter than the one before it. And this is our last year, our final N.E.W.T. level year. I'd be impressed if she put sleep on your schedule."

"She did," Fred murmured. "But at a maximum of five hours starting on Monday. I don't know if she realizes this but a nice night of sleep is how I stay pretty."

"You're pretty?" I mused. "Hm, that's news to me."

I was not at all surprised when I was smacked in the face with a throw pillow.

"So, am I allowed to ask how things are going with you and AliCat or is it better if I don't?" Dash questioned hesitantly.

My heart still twinged when her name was mentioned, but it was just a small lurch, or a lurch that lasted for a second and then disappeared, which was better than the head-to-foot ache I'd feel every time I used to think of her. So I considered that a win. "There's nothing to ask, Dash," I said with a shrug, "We aren't anything."

I could feel him and Fred exchange a look across me but I pretended not to notice as I stared down at my notes. "Are you still avoiding each other?" Fred questioned hesitantly.

I shrugged. "That's kinda expected after you agree to go your separate ways," I drawled. "She's doing her thing, I'm doing my thing, and the blunt reality of it is, our things don't overlap anymore and that's just the way it has to be."

He snorted. "Your things don't overlap anymore?" he smirked. "That sounds dirty."

I shot him a look. "Well, we're definitely not doing _that_ anymore."

He cringed and sat back on the couch, a pensive look creeping into his expression. "But you miss her."

Of course I missed her. I missed her every day. Every morning I woke up. She was the first thing I thought of. Every night I went to sleep, I dreamed of her. When I heard her laugh, I wanted to know what the joke was. When I saw her smile, I wished I was the one making her smile. When I heard her voice, I wanted to go over and talk to her. Every day was hard without her. But slowly, _very slowly_ , it was getting easier. Every day I survived without her by my side made it that much easier to breathe. Maybe one day, I might even smile, too.

"I don't think I'll ever not miss her," I spoke softly as I stared down at my notes. "But there will come a time where it won't hurt so much."

Fred offered me what I could only assume was a reassuring smile. In glancing towards Dash, he was giving me the same. "It probably doesn't help that we keep bringing her up."

"I get it," I sighed. "As weird as this is for me, I know it's just as weird for everyone else. But if you are looking for a different answer out of me, you're not going to get it. I can only tell you time and time again that whatever we were in the past, we aren't anymore. And we won't ever be again."

Silence followed once again and I had a feeling that they both were in fact hoping for a different answer out of me. But my answer was the same. What Alice and I might have once had we had no longer. She was just a girl and I was just a boy and though we existed in the same world, for we were both standing on the same Hogwarts ground, we no longer shared it together.

"It just seems so…" Dash trailed of, looking for the right word.

Fred jumped in. "Unfinished."

Dash nodded in agreement but I only sighed. "You guys might still have hope, or maybe you just _want_ to have hope that things might work out for us one day, but I don't. I can't," I pleaded. "We don't talk, we don't smile at each other, we don't even look at each other because that's what we need. And that's okay. Because it has to be okay. She had my heart for eighteen years, Fred. Maybe it's time I figure out how to let it beat on its own."

I could feel their eyes on me but I didn't turn towards either one of them for I had a feeling I'd be seeing pity in their eyes. "How poetic," Fred eventually said.

Against my better judgment, I glanced towards him. "I know you want the best for us. But right now, this _is_ the best for us. Even if it doesn't always feel that way."

He let out a sigh. "Okay," he said with a hesitant nod.

"Okay?"

He sighed again and turned away. "I'll stop bringing her up."

I heard Dash scoff from my other side. "I think you're both just being stubborn. I think you two deserve each other. I think you two were made for each other. I think that what you two feel for each other doesn't come around often. I think you will both regret this for the rest of your lives. I think the kind of love you and Alice have for each other is worth preserving, worth going after, worth fighting for. I think you made a massive mistake but it was _one_ mistake in _eighteen years_. And I think you two throwing everything away for one mistake is the real mistake."

"Dash-"

"And maybe I don't' know the whole story. Maybe I am not privy to all of the exact details. Maybe I don't know all that was said or done. But I do know you and I do know Alice and I know that you were never really good at admitting your feelings and while Alice was always very good at understanding that, she shouldn't take it, which is precisely why you are sitting here and Alice is not."

" _Dash_ -"

"Though, I am fairly certain that if you just told her the truth, that if you just told her how you really feel, if you just told her that she is about the only thing in your life you have ever bloody loved, that your life literally has zero meaning without her, that she would in fact be sitting right beside you because that is the only thing she has yet to hear from you but alas, I think we both know that you will never say it so I guess you really are just destined to be alone."

" _Dash!_ "

"But if that's what you want, if being alone is really what you've convinced yourself you need, then fine, I guess I will stop bringing her up to you, too."

He swiftly pulled himself off the couch and made his hasty exist towards our bedroom, leaving Fred and I behind, stunned.

I slowly turned my gaze towards Fred, both annoyed and mused by the quiet chuckles spilling from his lips. "I think I might really miss that guy when I move to France."

"I'm beginning to think I won't miss him at all," I growled.

Fred met my gaze. "You realize that most of that speech was him realizing that all the things he sees in you and Alice were all the things he never saw in him and Shayne, right?"

I sighed. "Yeah, I kinda picked up on that right around the 'I think that what you two feel for each other doesn't come around often' line," I murmured.

Fred nodded hesitantly. "He wasn't completely wrong about you and AliCat though."

I glared at him. "What happened to not bringing her up again?"

"Eh, I lasted five minutes. Which is about four minutes and fifty seconds longer than I thought."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"The night before your big match and this is really how you want to spend it?"

Kye was standing in front of me that Friday night with her hands on her hips and disbelief in her eyes.

"Yes," I said.

She blinked. "I don't get you, Potter."

"Most people don't."

She sighed and then shrugged. "Well, I'm certainly not opposed. I'll gather the troops."

I grinned ad she started to walk away. "Oh, and hey, are you Dash's girlfriend yet or what?"

She flipped me off and kept walking.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

" _You did what_?"

I grinned at a now very livid-looking Dash. "I figured if you weren't asking the question, someone had to."

He glared at me. "Was that you just getting back at me for all the crap I said to you the other day?"

I paused. "No, but now that I think about it, let's call it even, shall we?" I smirked as I changed out of my school uniform into jeans and a T-shirt.

"Even!?" he groaned. "How does this make us even? It's not like I went to Alice and told her all of the stuff I told you!"

My eyebrow popped up. "Why do I think you probably have?"

He hesitated. "Yeah, okay, let's call it even," he said with a sheepish chuckle as he fell back against his pillow.

I rolled my eyes but said nothing. I wasn't stupid or naive to think that the people that were trying to talk to me about Alice weren't also talking to Alice about me. And yet, nothing has changed. And no one should expect it to.

I tucked my wand into the back of my jeans and headed towards the door. Pausing, I turned around. "You got plans tonight?"

"I have about three classes I'm in the middle of revising and nowhere near understanding."

"Perfect, so you've got no plans. Want to come to our practice?"

"Why would I want to do a thing like that?" he sighed.

"Because Kye will be there."

He hesitated and slowly sat up. "One, why? And two…" he trailed off before shaking his head, "No, actually, that's pretty much my only question."

"Get changed into some more comfortable clothing and I'll show you."

Dash sighed. "You did hear the part about my many, many revisions, right?"

"I heard it. I considered it. I ignored it. Now, get a move on. We're going to be late."

He looked like he wasn't sure whether to trust me or not but evidently the pushing back of revisions won out as he climbed off his bed and started peeling off his uniform.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"What the hell is Dash doing here?" Fred asked when I wandered in with our third roommate.

"And a Happy Friday to you, too, Weasley," Dash huffed.

I ignored the both of them as I scanned the room to make sure the entire team was there. When everyone was accounted for, I smiled at the group and said, "It's our last practice before that elusive final as you all know. Which means that it's our last practice as this current team."

I saw the emotion settle into each and every one of their faces when I spoke the words that no one had been entirely willing to consider thus far.

"And the rather ironic part of that is, this isn't even the team we started out with at the beginning of the year," I said with a light chuckle. "We added two new players to our roster, two _great_ additions, and fine, we'll throw in Dash for good measure who took over the commentator's booth when Rose had to resign, and-"

"You're using our last practice to praise _Dash_?" Fred groaned.

As Dash flipped him off, I continued. "I couldn't be happier with the team we have. I couldn't be prouder. We've had some not-so-great moments this year, none of which I want to rehash, so let's move on to the great moments we've had this year because those are what are going to live with us as we all are forced to go our separate ways. We added a fireball of a keeper who has saved our arses more times than I could count. This is the part where I'm supposed to praise CJ but he's the guy sticking his tongue down my sister's throat so he gets no praise. We-"

" _James_!" Lily groaned as CJ's face turned an incredibly bright shade of red.

"-we killed it at our first match against Ravenclaw, showing the school we were the ones to beat. Pruitt's face turned about thirty colors of purple and I am not going to lie, I'm immensely proud of that. Hugo spent hours perfecting his beating skills and even though he only got to use them in one match, it's so clear to me that he and Jax will rule that beater position next year. We blackmailed—er, I mean added Rose to the team as a reserve and now she'll get the chance to prove to all of us why everyone in this school is so bloody scared of her."

"I think I'll take that as a compliment," she said, puffing out her chest.

"Everyone told us this would be a rebuilding year," I continued. "But look where we are. We're in the finals. And you all did that. Every single one of you got us here. And we are the team to beat because we don't give up. Not once have we given up. Well, er, I did for a little bit there, but I'm back now to help lead this team towards our last obstacle, that final hurdle that we have never seemed to be able to tackle: the Quidditch Cup. It will be ours. I'm not saying that because I want it. I'm saying that because I know it. I believe in all of you. And I hope you all believe in it, too."

The awe and pride in their eyes put a smile on my face that couldn't be erased. As much as it pained me to know I wouldn't be flying with them in that final, I had finally come to terms with it. I knew it wouldn't be easy to watch them from the bench and not partake in the biggest match of but being their Captain meant guiding them to victory no matter what. And that was exactly what I was going to do.

Glancing around the room, my eye instinctively caught Alice's. She didn't turn away or give me her usual stony look. There was something in her eyes, something I could have sworn closely resembled pride, and slowly, a smile crept on to her face. She offered me a curt nod and then said, in what felt like years since we've last spoken, "That'll do, Captain. That'll do."

I looked at her for a brief moment before smiling myself. And for the first time in a week, I didn't feel pain in my heart or my head.

Maybe everything might just turn out okay for me.

"Are your practices always this much of a mushfest?" Dash drawled from behind me.

I shot him a look over my shoulder. "Why did I invite you here tonight?"

"How am I supposed to know?" he whined.

I laughed and turned back to the team who looked just as confused as Dash did. "So for our final practice, I could force you guys to do laps and sprints to strengthen your core. We could go over our specialized strategies one last time. We could shoot quaffle after quaffle at Cass to reassure her of her agility. We could make Lily practice her nose dives for the thousandth time. We could recap our chaser formation plan. We could make Jax and Fred spend the entire practice hitting bludger after bludger to boost their arm strength. Or," I said with a coy smile, "We could beat the Hufflepuffs in one final friendly. Personally, I'd choose the latter. But it's up to you guys."

That earned me an entirely room full of shocked stares.

"The night before your biggest match of the year, maybe even your lifetime, Potter, and that's how you want to spend it?"

I glanced at Dash. "You may be spending too much time with Kye, mate."

He blinked. "Yeah, I have no idea what that means."

"It means," a new voice chimed in from behind him, "That I said that exact thing to him roughly an hour ago."

We all swiveled our heads as Kye wandered into the room with the rest of her team right on her heels.

"Wait, you were serious about the friendly?" Fred spoke to me, shocked.

I nodded. "We've done all that we can do," I said, glancing around at all of them. "We've spent days perfecting our strategies and working on every little detail that will make the difference in tomorrow's match. One more day of overanalyzing isn't going to do a single thing except perhaps make us go crazy. And Rose aside since she already is crazy, I don't think any of us need that the night before our biggest match."

"Oy!" Rose called out but it was drowned out by the rest of our laughter.

"So I say we go out there, have a little fun, and just enjoy Quidditch the way it was meant to be enjoyed before we get all serious again tomorrow. Anyone opposed?"

I assumed based on the cheers that they were, in fact, not opposed.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

It had been a long time since I laughed the way I did that night. Dash and I took over the commentator's booth, tag-teaming our commentary as Gryffindor and Hufflepuff played one final friendly against each other. And a friendly it was. They didn't play dirty, they just had fun. Ryleigh, who had started out the game with Dash and me, somehow ended up on the back of Fred's broom and she was now using his club to toss bludgers at both teams. Bryce and Lily spent most of the time chatting in the air, neither particular vigilant about finding the snitch. Cider and Cass seemed to be the only two people who were going all out while the chasers mainly spent their time showing off by somehow coming up with a contest as to who could make the best loop formations in the air.

"And our seekers look about two seconds away from braiding daisies into each other's hair," Dash sighed, his voice carrying throughout the stadium. "What kind of match is this?"

"The fun kind," I laughed, elbowing him in the side. "Ooh, nice leftside twist, Decker!"

"Hey, mine was just as good as hers!" CJ whined from the air.

"Maybe if you weren't the guy snogging my sister, I'd compliment you, too, Wood!"

I ducked as a quaffle came soaring towards me.

"Oops, must have slipped," CJ grinned as he soared down towards us to grab the quaffle once again.

"When the hell did you become so cheeky?" I groaned but he just let out a chuckle and took off towards the sky once again.

"And it's Longbottom with the quaffle again and she…no, wait, she doesn't shoot," Dash sighed. "She does some twirly thing in the air and just misses a bludger from Swanson."

"'Some twirly thing?' That's the legendary Revere Roundabout," I groaned. "How the hell did you become our school's commentator?"

"Y'know, I'm not entirely sure," he said with a sheepish grin. "Oy, Carver, you're a Hufflepuff! Stop smashing bludgers towards your own teammates!"

"Funny how you only tell her to stop when she's aiming bludgers at your future girlfriend," I smirked.

That earned me an elbow to the side from Dash and a glare from Kye herself. "Why do you insist on butting your nose into places it doesn't belong?" Dash hissed.

"Oh, c'mon, look at Tannehill," I said, my voice continuing to carry. "She is killing every bludger that comes her way and she looks stunning doing it. You can't tell me you don't want to date that."

Dash's face was now turning red and I couldn't tell if it was due to embarrassment or frustration with me. I decided to assume it was the former. He took off the sonorous charm and lowered his voice, an urgent plea in his tone as he said, "What are you doing, James?"

"Trying to help."

"Well, you're not."

I sighed. "Look, the other day when you were going on and on about how Alice and I are perfect for each other, that what we felt for each other doesn't come around often, that-"

"What you _feel_ for each other," he corrected. "That doesn't go away overnight."

I rolled my eyes. "What I'm saying is don't be afraid to go after someone you might really like just because the last girl you liked didn't work out. You're not broken, dude. Shayne and you just drifted apart and no, she shouldn't have cheated on you and yes, I know that hurts, but we both know you were heading in opposite directions at the end of that relationship anyway. It happens."

"It doesn't happen to everyone," he drawled, shooting me a knowing look. "At least, it shouldn't."

I smirked. "You're just proving my point, mate," I chuckled. " _It doesn't happen to everyone_. Kye isn't Shayne. Give her a chance to prove that to you."

Dash looked surprised by my words and opened his mouth to argue. But nothing came out. Resignation flickered in his eyes as he found a sudden interest in the grass. "I do like her," he eventually said.

I let out a fake gasp. "No _, really?_ " I spoke sarcastically.

He elbowed me in the side as I laughed. "But…" he trailed off with a sigh, "It's not easy putting myself out there again after what happened to me the last time I tried to do that."

I knew all too well what that fear felt like. "Take it from someone who knows," I sighed, "It's better to regret the things you did than to regret the things you didn't."

He looked mildly impressed by my summation. "That," he said with a slight chuckle, "Is not terrible advice."

I grinned. "I know. It's like the concussion has made me smarter."

"Doubtful."

He yelped when I leaned over to put him in headlock. "Argh, let me go!" he said, shoving me aside with a laugh.

"Now, go on," I said with my own laugh, "Go tell Kye all the things we both know you've been dying to tell her."

"How about you go tell AliCat all the things we both know you feel-"

"Don't ruin this moment, mate."

He chuckled and a wistful grin made its way on to his face. "Kye really is amazing. She's smart and witty, not to mention beautiful. And I really do like her, more than I thought I could-"

"I said to tell _her_ , not me," I groaned.

"He just did."

Dash yelped and turned around with wide eyes when he realized Kye was standing right there.

"You like me?" she asked softly.

Dash blinked. "Uh…"

"Oh, very articulate, mate," I snorted.

He elbowed me again. My right abdomen was going to have one hell of a bruise in the morning.

"Yeah, Kye," he stammered. "I do. I…I like you. A lot."

She looked at him and smiled. "Well, why the hell didn't you just say so?"

And before anyone could register what was happening, she grabbed him and kissed him in front of everyone.

I grinned while the rest of the teams let out their own share of whoops and hollers. Rose stuck her fingers in her mouth and whistled while Fred called out, "Ow, _ow_!" The others cheered and laughed and when the twosome finally pulled apart, they were both beaming.

With another quick kiss, Kye took to the sky and yelled out, "Alright, show is over! Let's finish this match, shall we?"

Dash had a goofy grin on his face as he watched her fly through the air. Eventually, he turned to me and said, "I still hate you, y'know."

I grinned. "No you don't."

He let out a short chuckle before shaking his head and saying, "No, I don't."

Looks like everyone was on their way to getting their happy ending.

Everyone but me.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Bryce ended up finally catching the snitch, only because I told the teams after a few hours that someone had to or we'd be getting no sleep the night before our biggest match ever. The two teams touched down on the ground, everyone cheering and laughing and feeling as if our last practice had been we'd all remember for years to come. Tomorrow, we'd wake up and feel the weight of the world on our shoulders and the butterflies in our stomach and the heaviness in our hearts. But that was tomorrow. Tonight, it was just about having fun.

One by one, we all separated until most of us had headed into our respective locker rooms to shower. I hadn't obviously played and therefore, hardly needed the shower, but I found myself there anyway, using that time to clear my head. I was trying not to think about the next day, fearing that the one last thing I so desperately wanted in my life was something I wouldn't get. In a weird sort of way, I felt as if winning that Cup might actually make up for all of the other mistakes I've made over the years. As if that Cup symbolized a turning point, as if winning that Cup might just mean that everything could one day be okay again. I had craved that Cup for so many years for selfish, competitive reasons. But this Cup meant so much more to me now than it used to when it just had bragging rights. It meant that even after everything I've been through, I had something to show for it. It meant I was born to play this game. It meant believing in something again, believing in myself and believing in my future. There hasn't been a lot I could say I've been proud of lately but winning this match with the exemplary team I helped create would fill my heart with the pride I craved, to know I was part of something legendary. I didn't just want that, I needed that.

I didn't know what my future held. I hadn't received a single response to the letters I sent out and even though my heart ached every day that went by without a letter, I marched on. I told myself that only two weeks had gone by, to be patient, to not lose hope yet. I convinced myself it wasn't over for me yet. And I somehow felt as if winning that Cup would give me the kind of confidence I needed to know that I still had a future in this.

At least I hoped so.

I didn't know how long I had been in that shower but as I climbed out, it only took me a few seconds to realize I was alone. I was grateful for that as I glanced around the small bathroom. I had spent so much time there, drowning myself in the shower after a grueling practice or singing rounds of upbeat songs with the rest of the team after an epic win. It all felt so quiet now. So still. As if it was just waiting in anticipation of what we had planned for it next.

I didn't know whether to smile or frown, to feel nostalgia or feel heartache. There were too many conflicting emotions running around in my head and my heart and I didn't know what to settle on. The idea that this would be the last night I ever spent in that room, a room that should have just been any other room, that was only ever built to shower away the sweat and grime after a match or a grueling practices but actually held so many incredible memories that brought that simple room to life, made it all seem just a bit too real. In just a few short weeks, my exams would be over and I'd be leaving Hogwarts behind. I'd be stepping into the Real World, whatever that world had in store for me, and I'd be saying goodbye to the only place that ever really felt like home to me.

Swallowing the lump in my throat, I tossed my T-shirt over my head and slipped into my jeans. I shook the excess water out of my hair and stared into the mirror, watching as a boy slowly turned into a man right in front of my eyes. I had grown up a lot over the past few weeks and I didn't know if I was necessarily happy with the person I had become but I knew one day I would be. I had made a lot of mistakes that year but I was finally determined not to make the same ones in the future.

I banished the towel into the laundry and strode out of the bathroom, slipping into the locker room with a heavy sigh. I glanced atop my locker and just looked at the faded piece of tape that read "Potter." It had been there since my first day as a reserve and it was sad to think that it would be replaced with someone else's name in just a few short months. The team was only mine for one more day and then we'd be forgotten, turned into a mere memory. I had one more day to be a member of the Gryffindor Quidditch team. One more day to be Captain. One more day to try and make history. One more day. And then all of this would be over.

Or maybe it already was.

All I wanted to do was spend that one final day in the sky. To feel the broom in my hands and the wind in my hair. I wanted to be on that pitch where I had always felt the safest and most comforted. It didn't matter what else was going on in my life, Quidditch had always been there. I could escape my thoughts and insecurities by jumping on a broom. I could forget for just a short period of time the pain that lived in my heart and the regret that shoveled through my mind. And at a time of my life where there were so many unknowns, I just wanted to feel safe again. And the fact that I couldn't do that somehow made everything hurt that much more.

As I stared at my name atop my locker, I was surprised to feel tears welling up in the back of my eyes at the heartbreaking realization that I had already taken my last flight on that Hogwarts pitch and I hadn't even known it at the time.

"Hey."

I yelped and whirled around, clutching my chest in utter dismay. "Mother of all Circes, you nearly gave me a heart attack!"

Alice grimaced. "Sorry," she murmured.

As I allowed my heart race to slow down, I stared at her curiously. "How long have you been standing there?" I questioned curiously.

"Not long," she said, shaking her head. "I left. And then…well, I came back."

I looked at her. "Why?"

I watched as she bit down on her bottom lip, a clear discomfort in her hesitant expression. It looked like she was torn between saying something and running away and it killed me to know that things would never again be easy for us. What had once felt so natural was just a mere memory, one that might haunt me until my dying day.

"There's something I think you should have," she spoke, breaking me away from my thoughts.

I noticed only then a shoebox in her hand, which she held out towards me. I looked at it but didn't take it. "I don't think we're quite the same shoe size, Alice."

She shot me a look, though the edges of her mouth turned upward. "Just take it."

"What is it?" I asked.

She hesitated. "Open it and see."

Confusion filled my every sense but I reached out and took it from her. I tore off the top of the box and tossed it on to the nearby bench. Inside was a bundle of old parchment with a rubberband holding them together. I unraveled the rubberband and started flipping through the various folded parchment. In doing so, I realized that they were a stack of letters and in glancing at the dates and the names, a chill suddenly ran down my spine as everything inside of me froze.

These were all the letters my father had written to Alice about me.

She kept them all these years.

I looked up at her, stunned. "These are..."

She nodded. "I never should have been writing to your father behind your back. And maybe you'll never understand why. Hell, there are times I'm not sure I fully understand it myself. All I can do is blame it on love."

My brow furrowed. "What?"

"It's the one thing your father and I have always had in common with you," she spoke softly. "That even when things were bad, we still didn't know how not to love you."

I stared down at the letters in my hand once again, my heart beginning to race a mile a minute at the very thought of reading what my father had been saying about me behind my back for all those years.

When I glanced back up, I was surprised to see she was walking away. "Where are you going?" I blurted out.

She stopped at the door and turned around. "Read them," she spoke softly. "I hope things start to make a little more sense when you do."

I watched her go, leaving me alone with a thousand pounds of history in my hands.

A part of me didn't want to read them while another part, a much larger part, was desperate to. But I feared what my father might have said about me and at the same time wondered what it is he could have said that somehow convinced Alice to write in secret to him. I had a feeling that the letters were intended to make me feel better but I also feared that I'd hate myself more for giving up on my father so many years ago when I should have been fighting for him.

Dad and I were finally in a good place. Could these letters help our relationship? Or would they just hinder it? I didn't know what to think or to feel as I stared at the unopened letters, the anticipation sending waves of cold confusion through my every vein.

I don't know how look I stood there but there was a point where my curiosity got the better of me. So I found my way onto the nearest bench, ignoring my fast racing heart, and I began to read.

 _Thursday, October 8, 2017_

 _6:10 PM_

 _Dear Alice,_

 _You're probably wondering why I'm writing you. And if my son wasn't ripping up or burning all of my letters without reading them, I wouldn't be. He won't talk to me or listen to me and I just don't know what to do anymore. And before you read on, I'd really like for you to keep this between us. If you can't do that, if you feel compelled to tell my son that I'm reaching out to you, I'd prefer you just rip this letter up now before continuing to read._

 _No?_

 _Well, here goes._

 _I'm worried about my son but not for the reasons one may think. I'm worried because I see how easy it is to let his anger dictate his decisions and I fear that that is a trait I unwittingly passed on to him. When I was a teenager, as I'm sure you know, I was dealing with a lot going on around me and instead of admitting to myself and to others how overwhelmed I was by all of it, I bottled it all up inside. And because of it, there was a time that I turned against all of the people in my life who had ever meant something to me. It was easier shutting them out and targeting my hatred and my anger towards them than admit to myself that there were things in this world that were out of my control and just because I didn't have the control to change them didn't mean I had to control the things I could. And so I convinced myself I was better off alone._

 _I wasn't._

 _And that is why I am so grateful that my son has you in his life because even though I can see him shutting out the rest of the world, he's never been able to do the same with you. Nor has he ever wanted to._

 _So this letter is a desperate plea from a father to his son's best friend to be there for him, to care about him, to tell him all the things he deserves to hear. If I can't be the one to do that, If I can't be the one to tell him just how proud I am of who he is and what he's become, if I can't be the one to love him the way he needs to be loved, if I can't be the one who gets to be there for him through the good times and the bad, I will find a way to be okay with that because at least I know that he will always have you. He may not always appreciate it or recognize how important you are to him, but one day he will. One day he'll realize that he got through all the hard times because you were there to see him through them. One day he'll love you the way I know you love him. And one day he might even find a way to tell you._

 _My second request, not as important as the first but still desperate in its own way, is a favor not to him but to me. And if you can't, I understand because I know James has to come first to you. But if you could, I'd really appreciate an update every once in a while on what's going on his life. It doesn't have to be anything special, just a way for me to get to know my own son. What classes he likes. His favorite Quidditch drills. A funny thing he said or heard. Who his friends are and who he's turned into his enemies. What makes him happy or sad. What makes him laugh. Just something for me to know that maybe, just maybe, he'll turn out okay. I just need to know that he's not drowning. That he's not completely falling apart. That there are parts of his life he cherishes even if I'm not one of them. I might not be able to protect him anymore but that doesn't mean I know how to stop wanting to._

 _If I don't hear from you, I'll assume you didn't read this letter or that you cannot fulfill my request. And I want you to know that that's okay. I am not expecting a response, I'm just hoping for one._

 _Thank you for being my son's best friend, Alice. He couldn't have chosen a better one._

 _Sincerely,_

 _Harry_

The very first one that started it all.

I'd be lying if I said there weren't unshed tears in my eyes by the end of it. I had been such a stubborn thirteen-year-old that instead of bothering to look at any of the letters my father tried to write to me, some of which probably held very much the same information Alice's letters held, I tossed them aside without even reading them as if they meant nothing and as if he meant nothing. I never believed he was sincere in his words. I never wanted to believe it. I let myself believe he was the enemy and I twisted around everything he said so that it had nothing but negative meaning. My heart had kept all love out, only inviting in hate and resentment and I blamed my father for that. But it hadn't been his fault. It had been mine. It had just felt so much easier shutting him out than it ever had been trying to make things work. But my father found another way in. And as always, my father knew best.

Because one day I did realize I loved Alice the way she loved me.

It just happened to be too late.

I wiped the tears from my eyes and pulled out the next letter to read. And then the next. There were about twenty more letters spanning over the course of four and a half years. Most of them were barely a paragraph, just Dad asking about the latest Quidditch match or Hogsmeade visit. Some of them were clearly after an argument we may have had, reminding Alice that he cared even when I was convinced he didn't. Those ones hurt the most. But I kept reading until I got to the very last one.

I looked at the date and felt a heaviness settle into my heart.

Sunday, March 1st, 2023.

Four days after my birthday and three days after our huge blowout on the Quidditch pitch.

At first, I just stared at it, too afraid to open it to find out that my father really had been ready to give up on us. Too afraid to find out that I had pushed my father to his breaking point, to a point in his life where he couldn't let himself love me anymore. We were fine now, we talked it out and worked through our struggles, but that didn't change how much that one fight nearly abolished our relationship. I was afraid to read it. But I was also afraid not to.

With my fingers trembling, I unfolded it and began to read.

 _Sunday, March 1_ _st_ _, 2023_

 _3:30 PM_

 _Alice,_

 _I wasn't going to write. I assume you are just as unpleased with me as my son is. I said all the wrong things at all the wrong times. I was upset and I was hurt and I lashed out. Evidently, lashing out at each other is what we do best._

 _I am not proud of the things I said. I hate myself for causing my son any pain. I know how much words can hurt and I know what I said hurt him. I wish I could say I wasn't hurt myself but it's not easy feeling as if your own son hates you. I think I've come to the rather unfortunate conclusion that I can't force him to love me. And it hurts too much to try when I fail every time._

 _I told him I was done, that I couldn't keep trying to be a father when he so clearly didn't want me to be. But it's not that easy. Because I don't know how to stop being his father. I can't not care even when he might not. Even if he already stopped. The phrase 'if you love someone, let them go' has never held so much meaning as it does right now. Because I think he needs this more than I do. He needs to find a way to be okay with who he is, who he's become, and right now he fears he can't do that as my son. I don't' know if it's me he hates or if it's the world for thrusting him into a spotlight he never wanted but it's time I let him step out of that spotlight. It's time I let him step out of my shadow. And if that means he needs to move away from everything he's ever known, if that means leaving us all behind to venture out on his own, if I have to stop being a father to him so he can start just being himself, then maybe all I can do is step aside and let him live his own life without me in it._

 _I hope he finds his way back one day. I hope he learns to appreciate what he has and who he is. And along the way, if he can't find a way to do that himself, I know you'll be there to love him enough for the both of you. He has you to take care of him now. He doesn't need me. He's never really needed me. And I think I've come to the heartbreaking realization that that's okay. He deserves to be happy. Even if I can't be the one to make him so._

 _I hope you don't think of me as cowardly for bowing out. And I hope you don't think that this means anything more than a father needing to let his son be his own person. I know he thinks I hate him and that I prefer Albus over him, but that couldn't be farther from the truth. While James and I have certainly had our differences, I still love him and I'm still proud of him. He's not perfect, no one really is, but that's okay because he's never needed to be perfect to live his life. He holds so much strength inside of him that I'm not entirely sure even he is aware of. But one day, he'll see it. He'll realize he's a lot stronger than he gives himself credit for. And you'll be there by his side to remind him of it, to stand proud and love him the way I know you do._

 _So I'm going to let this be the last letter I write to you. And with it, I have one final request._

 _One day when you think he's ready, when you think he needs it the most, that fateful day when he realizes just how much strength he has inside of him, I urge you to show him these letters. Tell him I was always there for him. Tell him I cared. Tell him I was proud of him. And tell him that I'm sorry if there was ever a time I made him think otherwise._

 _Take care of him, Alice. Take care of him the way I've never been able to._

 _Thank you for everything,_

 _Harry_

I read that last letter through twice and by the end of it, there were once again tears in my eyes as I contemplated who I appreciated more: Dad or Alice. They both cared more than I had ever realized. All Dad had ever wanted was the chance to love me and I refused to give him that, so he turned to the only other person in my life who may have been able to help him get to know the son that had been so set on shutting him out.

I had been confused and hurt and I felt so betrayed when I found out Alice had been writing back and forth with him. But after everything we've been through, after everything I said and did to her, I just didn't have it in me to be angry with her. I didn't know how to be angry with her. I loved her too much to be angry with her. And in reading my father's pleas, there was a small and very strange part of me that almost felt grateful that she had been there for my father when I wasn't. She was his outlet, his confidante, his diary. He put into words to her what he could never say to me. What I would never let him say to me. I didn't know what her responses were, didn't know how much information she relayed to him, didn't know what she was talking to him about, but I realized then that it didn't matter much. This was never about her, it was always about my father and me. He felt shunned and rejected and in writing to Alice he could somehow feel less so. She somehow made the pain and heartbreak easier for him to bear.

Just like she had always done for me.

She had always been my hope and she was there to be my father's, too. Without her being there to quietly and blindly bridge the gap, we might have turned our backs on one another for good, disinherited each other in the strictest sense of the word, might have given up on each other so many years ago. Things had never been perfect for us but without Alice there to listen carefully and offer advice at all the right times, I might not have a father at all and he might have been left without a son. Just like my father had seen so much strength inside of me, so, too, had she. She knew I had it inside of me to forgive. And she knew my father had it inside of him, too.

For so many years, I pretended to be strong when I felt nothing but agony on the inside. I let hatred run through my veins directed at my father and my family and the world around me. I felt sad and neglected and it turned my heart into stone. Or so I thought. But the strength that my father and Alice had seen inside of me, I was finally seeing for myself.

If ever there was a time for me to curl up into a ball and hide away from the world and myself, it would be now. I lost so much of who I was the moment I let myself break Alice's heart. And I didn't even know what else I had left to live for. Quidditch was still very much a toss-up. And yet there I stood on the eve of the final match somehow standing strong and somehow digging deep to believe in myself again.

 _One day when you think he's ready, when you think he needs it the most, that fateful day when he perhaps realizes just how much strength he has inside of him, I urge you to show him these letters._

She knew I wasn't a lost cause. In fact, she knew I was finally living the life I had always been too afraid to live. She knew I was putting the past in the past, moving forward with a new me, a me who didn't rely on other people to believe in him. A me who finally just believed in myself.

If I had seen those letters at any other point in my life, I might have found a way to hate her and hate him all over again. But these letters gave me hope. They were a reminder of the scared, cowardly boy I used to be, a reminder of a failed relationship with my father that I never wanted to return to, a reminder of a girl who loved me when I thought no one ever could. They were a reminder of all the bad and a reminder of all that could be good.

I placed the letters back in the box but that wouldn't be the last time I read them. I kept them with me for years to come and whenever I was feeling particularly hard on myself or angry at the world or the people around me, I pulled them out and reread them to remind myself of the person I never again wanted to become.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

 **A/N:** Okay, so maybe this wasn't what you were expecting. Maybe you were expecting a James-Alice reunion. Maybe you were expecting more James-Alice interaction. Maybe you were hoping they would both listen to their friends. But they are the only two people who know where they really stand. The question is, how long will it last for?

Up next: (drum roll) the final Quidditch match!


	42. Just The Beginning

**A/N:** Well, if you can believe it, we are actually winding down to the very end of this story. Your reviews and constructive criticism and support has made this journey incredibly fun and rewarding so please don't stop now.

* * *

 **A WAY WITH WORDS**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 42: Just the Beginning

" _This is just, just the beginning  
This is love, this is the journey  
So keep running, keep running  
It's a brand new day, reach out and grab it  
You've been raised up from the ashes  
This is the start of the rest of your life  
This is your story  
He's faithful, every word  
I see redemption  
With every page that turns  
It's not over."  
_-Greg Sykes

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I paced back and forth in front of the team. Evidently so much my sister decided to throw a shoe at me.

"You are going to wear a hole in the floor," she said before reluctantly hobbling over to pick up her shoe from the floor after it had bounced off my arm.

I turned to face them. "I have given you the 'I'm proud of you' speech. I have given you the 'I believe in us' speech. I have told you how much you all mean to me. I've praised you and I've thanked you. I really don't have anything left to say except let's go out there and win this thing."

When I finished, I became aware that I was on the receiving end of eight blank stares.

"Yeah, no way is that all you're going to say," Fred drawled.

I shrugged. "There's nothing left _to_ say, Freddo. I don't have to remind you to keep your wrist steady around the bat because you corrected it after I first gave you that note. I don't have to tell Jax to keep calm under pressure because his stress no longer affects him on the pitch. I don't have to tell Rose to center herself on her broom to give her more flexibility because she doesn't do that anymore. I don't have to ask Cass to stop drifting to the right because she hasn't done so in months. I don't have to tell Lily to not get complacent in one spot for too long because she's learned how to better move around the pitch. I don't have to tell CJ to lean into his dives to give himself more speed because he fixed that months ago. You have all taken every single one of my notes that I have given you and corrected them. So I have nothing more to say. I have loved playing on this team ever since I was a reserve. But this team right here, the nine of us standing together in this room, this is the best group of people I've ever had the pleasure of working with. And maybe I won't be in the air with you today, and I'd be lying if I said that that didn't make me a little bit sad, but I also know that you've got this. You don't need me up there. You just need to go out there and play the only game any of us know how to play. Go out there and play with your heart. Because strategies and trick plays may help you score points but your love for this game is how you win the Cup."

The team was all gaping at me as I finished while I tried not to notice how incredibly mushy the last part of my speech was.

"And you thought you didn't have anything else to say," Fred chuckled, shaking his head at me.

My upper lip twitched as the team all broke out into laughter. "Thank you for letting me be your Captain."

"Thank you for being our Captain," said Jax with a lopsided smile.

I met his gaze with my own smile. "I feel like I should be holding up a champagne glass or something as we sit here and toast each other."

"I'm not sure drinking champagne before we go out on the field for the biggest match of our lives is the wisest decision," said Alice, a chuckle falling from her lips.

I paused. "Good point," I said. "Water it is." I reached for my water bottle and held it up. In doing so, I saw the rest of the team follow suit. "Win or lose, here's to being the best team that Hogwarts has ever seen."

"To us," Fred chimed in.

The rest of the team all smiled and echoed, "To us."

Outside of the clubhouse, I heard the whistle blowing.

Here we go.

I looked around at my team and grinned. "Let's go kick some Slytherin arse, shall we?"

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

"IT IS A BEAUTIFUL DAY FOR QUIDDITCH, FOLKS!"

I looked at Fred, bewildered. "Why is Kye doing Dash's job?"

He shrugged, looking just as surprised as me.

"WE HAVE GOT ONE HELL OF A FULL CROWD OUT THERE TODAY, YES SIREE WE DO!"

I turned towards Fred sharply and we both ended up laughing as Dash's voice filled the stadium. "Guess the new girlfriend and boyfriend can't fathom spending any time apart," he teased.

"THIS IS THE MATCH WE HAVE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR!" Kye cried out.

"THE FINALS TO DETERMINE WHO WILL TAKE HOME THAT ELUSIVE QUIDDITCH CUP!" Dash added.

"What are your predictions, Dashiell Finnigan?"

"Hard to tell, Kye Tannehill, very hard to tell. This is a rematch of last year's final and Slytherin took home that win. And let's not forget that Slytherin grabbed the win when these two teams played each other in March, though Gryffindor's chasers were far and above the rest."

"Aha, but you forget, the chasers playing today are not the same chasers that played in that match."

My heart sunk into my stomach.

"Remind me to kill Kye later," I muttered and Fred laughed.

"Ah, yes, the rumors are unfortunately true, folks," Dash spoke sadly. "James Potter, one of Gryffindor's star chasers, the guy who has outscored the other chasers in this school by nearly triple, whose scoring percentage is over 81%, who has perfectly targeted aim and unparalleled speed, who has spent a good portion of the past five years creating his own personalized trick plays that his team has pulled off very successfully, who is Captain of the Gryffindor Team and completely deserving of that title in every way, who is the _best damned chaser in the school_ and I dare any of you to fight me on that, will unfortunately not be playing in today's match due to an unforeseen concussion that has very regretfully grounded him."

I was rather touched by Dash's words. He didn't have to say any of that, could have made an offhanded comment about me being out for the match, and moved on to introducing the team, but we all knew that there were going to be recruiters in the stands and I couldn't help but think he was trying to promote my name to those listening.

"Remind me to thank Dash later," I chuckled and Fred grinned at me.

"So why don't we get this final started by introducing the team that came into this match with the most amount of points, your reigning champion, _our Slytherins_!" Dash shouted and the stands erupted in thunderous cheers

"First on to the field is the ravishing Reese Greengrass, your keeper! Right behind her are the beaters, her cousin Scorpius Malfoy and fifth-year Logan Hutch! The next three out of the gate are Kat Lexington, Hattie Wilkes, and your very own Captain, _Albus Potter_!"

There was a deafening scream that I could only imagine was made up of two-thirds of my family. And for the first time in a long time, the thought of them all being there put a real smile on my face.

"And last to the field is your speedy seeker, _Isla Zabini_!"

More cheers erupted from the stands as Isla cleared out of the clubhouse entrance and flew into the air. I watched her loop through the air, ignoring the slight agonizing tug at my heart at the reminder that that wouldn't be me today.

"And now, it is my Gryffindor honor to introduce the next group of students, all of whom have given Gryffindor something to be proud of. _Your incredibly talented Gryffindor team_!"

Before Dash could even introduce the first player, the stadium exploded with screams and it put a smile on my face that began to make my cheeks hurt.

"First, we have the brilliant keeper, one that can easily rival veteran Reese Greengrass, _Cassiopeia Rollins_!"

I grinned at her and she grinned back before taking to the sky.

"Oh, look at that beautiful blonde hair flapping in the wind! Er…I mean, it's okay. Not nearly as beautiful as the lovely Kye's hair of course," Dash said sheepishly, earning a rather boisterous laugh from the stands.

Kye huffed. "Now let's welcome to the field two very incredibly handsome men, your Gryffindor beaters, _Fred Weasley and Jackson Bloch_!"

More laughter filled the air and the rest of our team joined in. Jax took off but Fred paused to clap me on the back and say, "We're getting you that win, James. You deserve it."

I smiled gratefully. "You deserve it, too, Fred."

With a smile, he offered me a curt nod before he mounted his broom and disappeared towards the sky.

"And now we have your three chasers for the day," Dash introduced. "This is the first time these three chasers are playing together and what a time for such a big change, am I right? Let's welcome CJ Wood, Alice Longbottom, and Rose Weasley!"

I glanced over at Alice and was slightly disheartened to see she wasn't looking back at me as she shared a high-five with Rose and all three of them flew out of the entrance.

I watched Alice go, an odd sort of sadness filling my heart at the realization, one that hadn't hit me until that moment, that Alice and I have played our last match together. And I never even stopped to enjoy it. I had always been go, go, go all the time in a desperate attempt to make it to the finals and now that I was here, I wanted to go back in time and find a way to just enjoy every previous minute leading up to this match. I wanted to stop and appreciate the very last quaffle I passed to Alice. I wanted to appreciate the sound of her cheers when I scored my final goal at Hogwarts. I wanted to remember the last time our movements were perfectly in sync. I wanted to stop and enjoy one of the very reasons that Quidditch was so important to me.

Because so much of what made Quidditch valuable to me was her. She had been there when I flew on my very first broom. She was there when I fell off my broom for the first time. She was there when I told her I wanted to be chaser. She was there when I made reserve for the first time. She was there when I made chaser and I was there when she did, too, the very next year. We had been there through all of our Quidditch milestones, both the good and the bad, and now she was up in the air without me and I couldn't pretend that out of everything I was feeling about missing the game, that that feeling didn't hurt the most.

"You okay?"

I whirled around and offered my sister an incredibly forced smile. "I will be once you catch that snitch."

"Gee, no pressure or anything," she drawled.

I shook my head. "No pressure, Lily. If you catch that snitch and we win, I'll be the proudest big brother on the planet. And if you don't, I'll still be proud because even the best of them can't win every time. And you, Lily Potter, are definitely one of the best of them."

Her cheeks burned that trademark Weasley blush as she smiled up at me. "I hope you know that we are all very proud of you, too, James."

Not Alice.

Then again, she had no reason to be.

Not entirely sure how to respond, I was grateful for the interruption that came from Kye's voice. "And let's welcome the final player to the pitch, your redheaded fireball of a seeker, _Lily Potter_!"

I clapped my sister on the back and she grinned at me before mounting her broom and taking off.

Leaving me and Hugo alone to watch the team do a few quick rounds on the pitch as the stadium went wild.

"She's right you know," Hugo said as he came to stand beside me. "We really are all proud of you."

I reached over to ruffle Hugo's curly hair with an appreciative smile. "One day, this all might be yours, kiddo," I teased. Gesturing towards the exit, I said, "In the meantime, you ready to go do some intense benchwarming?"

He just laughed and the two of us walked out of the clubhouse. On the other side of the partition, Slytherin's one reserve also made her way towards the benches.

I was halfway there when I looked up and realized that nearly the entire stadium was on their feet, applauding and cheering as they watched the three of us walk out.

"What the…" I trailed off, my brow furrowed.

Hugo turned to me with a smirk. "I don't think that's for Jade or for me."

The sixth-year Slytherin glanced at me and shook her head. "Definitely not for us."

I stopped in slight awe and let my gaze linger on each of the various sections. I first saw the Gryffindors – Lucy with her friends, Harley and Jett cheering, Shayne and Laikyn and Everly, even Sadie was on her feet. My gaze crossed into the next section where the Ravenclaws stood, with Roxanne beaming at me and Zig cheering and Bristol and Lorcan and Lysander and Penny Briggs grinning from ear to ear. The Hufflepuffs were cheering unusually loudly, Ryleigh and Cider and Rudy and Bryce and Dale and Landon whooping and hollering. And the Slytherins— _yes, the Slytherins_ —were on their feet as well, whistling and cheering as if I wasn't a member of the opposing team. I noticed the professors all standing up and clapping, Neville wearing a huge smile on his face and McGonagall looking abnormally proud and even Professor Eckleberry didn't look like she hated me. I let my glance pass by the huddled recruiters, refusing to let them ruin my moment, and settled my gaze on the family and friends section. In doing so, my heart became too much to handle as I watched my entire family begin a rather inspiring chant of "POTTER! POTTER!"

There are some memories in your lifetime that will stick with you no matter how old or forgetful you might get and I knew this moment right here was one of them.

I might not have been in the air with my team, but I had the support of an entire stadium. And I had never felt prouder.

"Well, would you look at that," Kye's voice spoke out across the stadium, softer than normal. "As far as I know, Captain James Potter is the first benched player in the history of this game to receive a standing ovation from the entire stadium."

"A well-deserved standing ovation," Dash added. "He isn't just the Captain of the Gryffindor team, he's their heart, too."

"I don't think there's a single person out there that would disagree with you, Dash."

When I was finished basking in the glory of what appeared to be my moment, I looked up towards the commentator's booth and gave Kye and Dash a thumbs-up. Both of them grinned and gave me one back.

I'd be lying if I didn't have the smallest pool of tears reflecting in my eyes, both happy and sad, as I took a seat on the bench. Hugo pretended not to notice.

Madam Hooch blew the whistle and called out, "Captains!"

I rushed on to the field and my brother dismounted. He looked at me with a goofy grin. "You always did know how to make an entrance," he laughed.

I grinned and held out my hand. "I hope you know that if this win can't be mine today, I'm glad it will be yours."

He tilted his head to the side. "Liar."

I huffed. "I am not!"

"Oh, please, you'd absolutely hate the idea of Slytherin winning _again_ ," he laughed right back.

Yeah, okay, that was totally true.

"Good point. I hope you lose," I teased.

He let out another laugh and held out his hand to shake mine. "I'm sorry you're not playing in the match today," he spoke softly.

I met the sincerity in his eyes and slowly nodded. "Yeah," I whispered, my heart aching, "Me, too."

He offered me a sad smile and I released his hand, jogging back to the bench to take my spot next to Hugo.

"AND THE MATCH HAS BEGUN!" Dash's voice boomed as I watched the quaffle sail into the air and immediately into Rose's hands.

I pumped my fist into the air. "NICE DIVE, ROSIE DEAREST!"

"She really hates it when you call her that," Hugo chuckled.

I just laughed as Dash's voice continued to ring through the air. "Rose to Longbottom back to Rose and, _watch out for that bludger_ and—damn, quaffle is lost and gets into the hands of Albus Potter as he loops around Longbottom and heads towards the hoops!"

"WATCH YOUR LEFT SIDE, ROSE! YOU'RE LEANING TOO FAR OVER, LEAVING YOUR ARM SUSCEPTIBLE TO BLUDGERS!" I screamed.

She gave me a thumbs up and veered to the right, cutting off Hattie as Albus attempted to throw it to her. The quaffle soared towards the ground until CJ dove to grab it but he got clipped in the back of his broom by Hattie and lost control of his broom and eventually, the quaffle.

"Dammit," I swore. "CJ, YOU'RE SITTING TOO CLOSE TO THE END OF YOUR BROOM! CENTER YOURSELF MORE!"

He didn't outwardly acknowledge me directly but I saw him scoot further back so I knew he heard me.

"GRYFFINDOR WITH THE QUAFFLE ONCE AGAIN!" Kye shouted. "TEN MINUTES INTO THE GAME AND THERE HASN'T BEEN A SINGLE SHOT ON GOAL!"

I groaned. "PYRANY PYRAMID!" I called out, referring to one of our lesser-known plays I had come up with earlier in the year that worked best with speed, which my three chasers definitely had.

They seemed to hear me as they launched into a triangular formation with Alice on point, the quaffle buried in her arm, and CJ and Rose right behind her. Rose and CJ crossed over each other, causing a chasing Albus and Hattie to nearly collide with one another, and then Rose dove underneath Alice, who tossed her the quaffle. Rose ducked a bludger, barely missing it, and then faked to the left before throwing the quaffle towards the right hoop.

"AND ROSE WEASLEY GETS THE FIRST GOAL OF THE GAME! 10 TO ZERO, GRYFFINDOR!"

I threw my fist in the air as Hugo and the rest of the stadium erupted in cheers.

"NICE FAKE, ROSE!" I screamed. "KEEP THAT UP!"

She high-fived Alice and CJ and then threw me a grin before heading back towards the middle of the field.

I became a screaming pile of corrections from that point forward.

"NO, NO, NO, JAX! YOU ARE AIMING TOO LOW! PULL YOUR GRIP UP!"

"CASS, YOU'RE HOVERING TOO HIGH IN THE MIDDLE HOOP!"

"ALICE, WATCH YOUR RIGHT ELBOW WHEN YOU PASS TO THE LEFT!"

"MALFOY IS ATTACKING ALL BLUDGERS FROM THE RIGHT! USE THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE FIELD MORE AND HE'LL BE FORCED TO USE HIS LESS DOMINENT SIDE!"

"LILY, KEEP YOUR KNEES CLOSER TO THE BARREL OF THE BROOM, IT'LL GIVE YOU MORE SPEED!"

When I wasn't correcting them, I was praising them.

"NICE AIM, FRED! KEEP THAT UP AND THEY WON'T BE ABLE TO AVOID GETTING HIT!"

"PERFECT BLIND SHOT, CJ! THAT WAS AN INCREDIBLE GOAL!"

"HOW DID YOU MAKE THAT SAVE, CASS? YOU ARE UNSTOPPABLE!"

"THAT'S THE WAY TO FAKE A DIVE! GOOD GOING, ALICE!"

I was slowly beginning to lose my voice but I never gave up. I persisted, telling them all that they needed to know and leaving nothing on the table. When they messed up, I scolded them. When they scored, I was their biggest cheerleader. When Fred or Jax clipped the opposing team, I applauded. When Cass made a save, I told her I loved her (okay, maybe I was getting a bit caught up in the excitement with that one). And slowly, so subtly that I barely even noticed, I began to realize that even though I couldn't be on that pitch playing with my teammates, watching them and coaching them from the sidelines made me just as proud as I would have been had I been on that field with him.

We were winning and not only that, we were _shining_. We were attacking every bludger that came our way and scoring nearly every time we took a shot. Cass was stopping all kinds of quaffles from passing her by. Lily was hovering in the middle of the field exactly where she needed to be. Jax and Fred were hitting their targets every single time. They were unstoppable and as I beamed at all of them like the proud Captain I was, it suddenly hit me that they didn't need me anymore. They were playing their game, and a rather perfect version of it, and even as I screamed at them, I knew that I was really only doing that because I wasn't completely ready to give up my reign as Captain. If I sat there quietly, letting them do their own thing, I knew in every crevice of my heart that they'd still manage to dominate. My reign as Captain was coming to an end and whether we won or lost, I was proud of the team I helped build.

So I eventually rested my voice. I stopped calling out to them. I let them play their game and I just sat back and watched, letting myself just enjoy my very last Hogwarts Quidditch match.

"NINETY TO SEVENTY IN FAVOR OF GRYFFINDOR!" Dash yelled out. "THIS GAME IS SO FREAKING AWESOME!"

The stadium laughed and I joined in, glancing around at my surroundings to enjoy this final moment as Captain. I breathed in the beautiful Spring air and smiled as the anxious cheers danced throughout the stadium and watched as the players I helped mold moved through the air so effortlessly. I recalled the first time I held that Captain's badge and I thought back to those very first tryouts. I remembered how in awe I was watching Cass and how both annoyed and relieved I was when CJ finally scored and took that final spot on the team. I thought of all the Team Meetings we shared in the Clock Tower, the recording we listened to and analyzed together, the camaraderie we shared both on and off the field. I thought about the thousands of laps I had assigned throughout the year and their complaints in receiving them. I recalled the laughs we shared on the pitch and I felt our very first win against Ravenclaw in every part of my heart. I thought back to when Fred and Alice joined the team three years earlier when everything had suddenly felt so right. I thought about how much my friendship with Jax has grown. I thought of my sister and how pleased I was that I was at least able to play one match with her and Captain her through another. I thought of Hugo stepping in when he needed to and how proud I was to watch him grow as a player. And I thought of Alice who had been there by my side through it all, cheering me on and rooting for me and being proud of me when I had needed it the most.

What I didn't think about, what I couldn't think about, what hurt too much to think about was the time I broke her heart and broke our relationship.

So I focused on Quidditch instead.

"You just gave up the opportunity to remind Jax to keep his elbow up after he missed striking your brother," Hugo said beside me. "You feeling okay?"

I glanced over at my cousin and let out a hesitant smile. "He'll fix it himself. He always does," I said.

He opened his mouth to comment but before he could a resounding "ooooh" fell from the crowd and when I looked up, I cringed when I discovered that Rose had been clipped in the back by a nasty bludger.

"Fucking Malfoy, how can he treat the girl he used to shamelessly snog like that?" I whined.

Hugo shot me a dirty look. "Yeah, I'd much rather not think about my sister's shameless snogging, if that's alright with you."

I chuckled and called for a time-out.

The team all flew towards me and dismounted. "I'm fine," Rose said before I could even ask.

"You're wincing," I sighed.

"Yeah, well, why don't I slam a bloody bludger into your back and we'll see how you feel about it," she drawled.

"That may really hinder my whole concussion-healing process," I mused.

She chuckled but it was stopped short by a hissing grimace.

 _"You're not fine, Rose_ ," I pleaded.

"Okay, okay, so I _will_ befine," she corrected, stretching out her back.

"You sure? You need some ice or something?" Jax chimed in. "Or would a heating spell be better? Or we could get Alice to conjure up one of her mean massaging spells. Or-"

"I don't need any of that, Jax," she laughed, reaching over to grab his shoulder and squeeze it. "Just…give me a few seconds to walk it off."

I was going to argue but she sent me a stern look before taking a few laps around our huddle so I merely sighed and hoped walking it off was the answer because even though Hugo had stepped up plenty that year, the idea of him at chaser made me feel a bit uneasy.

"Keep up the good work, you guys," I said with a keen nod. "You're killing it out there."

"So, I'm noticing that you still have the use of your vocal cords," Fred contemplated, his eyebrow shooting far into his forehead.

"Nothing gets by you, Freddo."

"And yet I haven't heard you scream a single thing to us in roughly ten minutes."

Hugo smirked beside me. "I thought it was odd, too."

I looked at the two of them and then glanced around at the rest of the group, all of whom were looking at me just as curiously. Rose even stopped pacing long enough to look at me. It took everything in my power not to look over at Alice, not sure I could bear it at that moment.

"You guys don't need me anymore," I spoke with a proud smile. "You've got this. This is your match to win now, not mine. You're killing it out there and it is so fun to watch. That's all I can do now. Just watch you be the incredible players that you are. So you go be the players and I'll just be your very supportive mascot."

The surprise and confusion settled into each and every one of their expressions before Jax first spoke. "James," he said softly, "You are so much more than a mascot. You're our Captain and the best one I've ever had. Er…just don't tell your cousin I said that."

Cass added, "The only reason that we've got this is because you led us here. You have believed in us every step of the way."

I hadn't been expecting the extreme flattery from either one of them, nor was I expecting the simultaneous nods that came from the rest of the team. "And now it's time for all of you to believe in yourselves."

"We do," Lily urged, shaking her head at me. "Because you gave us the ability and the courage and the strength to do so."

"You were there to coach us and teach us and guide us to be the best versions of ourselves," CJ insisted.

"You gave us hope when we thought we were doomed, James," Cass pointed out.

"None of us plan on giving up until that snitch is in Lily's hands," Rose agreed. "And neither should you."

"So don't get all quiet on us now," Jax pleaded.

"Continue to lead us," Fred said. "Continue to be our voice."

I couldn't seem to find the words to thank them as I glanced among them, at green and blue and hazel eyes until finally into Alice's periwinkle ones, eyes that seemed to be holding back happy tears. I said nothing and neither did she, the two of us just staring at each other as if things hadn't come to a crashing halt between us. As if we were still friends, as if this moment was the culmination of everything we had gone through. Everything else faded and it was just me and her appreciating a moment in time that we had both worked nearly all of our lives for.

"We are the players we are today because of you, James," she spoke, blinking back the tears. Softly, she added, "It's all because of you."

I wanted nothing more than to stride over to her and kiss her, to live and breathe that moment with her, to be the guy that got to not only relive old memories with her but who got to start new ones.

Only I wasn't that guy for her. Not anymore.

I turned away from her, musing over her words and the words of my other teammates. I felt deeply touched by their sentiment and loyalty, especially when I had let them down so many times that year. But there we all were standing tall and proud, ignoring the past and living in that nearly perfect moment. I pushed aside all the heartache and guilt and fear and decided that if this was the end for me, if this was it for my Quidditch career entirely, I'd still be able to go out into the world pretty damned happy at all that I accomplished thus far.

"Well, I suppose if you all _really_ want me to continue yelling at your incompetence, I can," I said with a sigh of mock impatience.

That earned me a round full of laughs just as Madam Hooch blew her whistle to signal the end of the time-out.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING, ROSE, THE HOOP WAS TWO FEET TO YOUR RIGHT!" I barked as Rose missed her second shot. She was getting flustered, I could tell. Their beaters were aiming nearly all of their bludgers at her because she was the newbie and it was taking its toll on her.

The Slytherins were staging a comeback and I didn't like it. I swore again when Hattie scored, sending them ahead of us by 10 points.

"They're just ahead by one goal," Hugo said with a nervous sigh. "We still have this."

I winced as Rose got struck in the arm by a bludger. It sent her spiraling and Jax doubled back to check on her, leaving Fred all alone to tail three chasers.

This was precisely the reason why people on the same team shouldn't date.

"JAX, STOP CHECKING UP ON YOUR GODDAMNED GIRLFRIEND AND START GETTING YOUR HEAD IN THE GAME!"

Albus scored. 120-100 in favor of Slytherin.

"Okay, two goals," Hugo groaned, amending his earlier statement.

I saw Rose having a heated conversation with Jax and caught the tail-end of it. "- _take care of myself, stop worrying about me_."

Yeah, Rose, you tell him!

And she now had the quaffle, but Logan Hutch and Scorpius were right at her side again.

"JP JAB, GO!" I screamed out the only play I knew that would help protect Rose outright.

They all quickly moved into the formation we had been practicing all year. CJ swooped up in front and Jax fell in behind him. Rose took her spot next, followed by Alice, and Fred took up the rear, all of them now in a single-file line.

As expected, Scorpius out in front targeted a bludger right to the front of the line. CJ dove away and Jax swung at the bludger, sending it far into the left side of the field. Logan was coming from behind, quickly gaining on them, and caught wind of a bludger that he sent in our team's general direction. Fred didn't hesitate to knock it away, leaving Rose and Alice to make a break towards the hoops. Rose faked a shot and threw it to Alice who made an easy goal in the center hoop.

I cheered and Hugo's eyes lit up. "That's the first time we actually pulled off that play!" he squealed.

"Slytherin played right into our hands," I grinned. "WAY TO GO, TEAM! KEEP IT UP!"

The match went on for another forty minutes. They scored and then we scored. We scored twice and then they scored three times. It was anyone's game and it was sending my heart straight into my stomach at the realization that this was going to so clearly come down to the seekers.

"LILY, YOU'RE DRIFTING TOO FAR TO THE RIGHT! RE-CENTER YOURSELF!"

Giving me a thumbs-up, she did as I asked. She kept floating from the right side to the left side of center pitch, paying little attention to the game around her and scanning the skies for the elusive snitch. Her focus was one of the things that made her such an excellent seeker. I just hoped she could pull the win out for us.

"GRYFFINDOR GAMBIT!" I cried out when we were behind my two goals and we needed another easy score.

"BLUDGER SHUFFLE!" I shouted at Jax and Fred when they were venturing too far away from one another and needed to be reined in.

"SCOTTISH SHAM!" I yelled when we needed to pull out our best trick play.

With each and every play I called out, my team employed them to almost near perfection. It made me proud to know that all the hard work we put into practicing each and every one of our strategies was paying off. They looked like a real winning team out there, using each other's strengths to their advantage and making up for any possible weaknesses. The chasers passed the quaffle seamlessly, the beaters played off one another, Cass was stopping impossible-to-stop shots, and Lily was doing exactly what she needed to do by hovering in the middle of the pitch and waiting for her turn to shine.

"SNITCH IS SPOTTED! I REPEAT, SNITCH IS SPOTTED!"

I had almost forgotten about Dash and Kye as I had dived into my own world, but I snapped to attention at the sound of Kye's shrieks.

Lily and Isla were both in the middle of the pitch while the snitch flew between the hoops that Cass was currently guarding. Both seekers moved into a swan dive as they flew through the air.

I heard Dash say that Alice scored again, making the score even at 140-140.

Whoever caught this snitch would almost definitely be the hero of this game.

It was as if everything around me faded away and the only thing that mattered was Lily and that snitch. I felt my heart race as I watched her speed towards the hoops, faster than I have ever seen her move through the air.

I wanted this so badly, more than I've possibly wanted anything in my entire life. I needed this win. I needed _a_ win. I needed something to believe in, something to remind me that there was still so much good in my life. I needed to not feel that overwhelming feeling of rejection again. My heart couldn't take it. Hell, my head probably couldn't either. I wanted to hold that Quidditch Cup up and show the world that Gryffindor truly was the superior team. I wanted to prove to them and to myself that I hadn't wasted my Captain year. I wanted, _no I needed_ to know for even just one moment what it was like to feel joy and happiness again. I needed to smile and mean it. I needed to know that while I had screwed up everything else in my life, I hadn't screwed this up.

I needed this. I needed this win.

Almost instinctively, I felt my eyes squeeze shut, pleading to all the Quidditch Gods to give me this win. I felt Hugo's hand gripping on to my arm as he watched on in anticipation, but I just kept on praying.

 _Please give me the win._

 _Please give_ us _the win._

 _Please._

And suddenly, I could hear the cheers and the applause and the screams fill that stadium with such reverberating loudness that it broke my reflective revelry and I dared to open my eyes, to find out which side of the stadium was cheering, to find out which seeker was holding that snitch, to find out if I was finally going to have that win I so desperately wanted and needed or if once again, I'd be left disappointed.

When I opened my eyes and scanned the pitch for the snitch, I saw that it was held up high in the air by noneother than my amazing sister.

And the pride exploded in my heart.

We did it. We won. Gryffindors were the champs.

 _We finally did it_.

Hugo was jumping up and down and screaming beside me.

Jax crashed into Rose and kissed her in front of everyone.

I could hear Cass' screams clear across the field.

Fred nearly lunged at Alice and the two of them hugged each other tightly.

CJ bravely jumped off his broom to jump on to the back of Lily's, holding her hand into the air for the entire stadium to see.

And I just watched it all in front of me, not sure what to say or do or even feel, frozen on that grass unable to move even as the entire team came together in the middle of the field to embrace and cry and chant and cheer. My eyes followed Alice as the happy tears pooled in her eyes. I watched her embrace my sister with a smile on her face so wide it stretched from ear to ear. I watched as she then peeled herself away to high-five CJ and as she playfully jumped on Jax's back. I watched as she and Cass jumped up and down together with identical laughs. I couldn't tear my eyes off of her. She looked so proud, so relieved, so happy. She looked exactly how I was supposed to look.

And yet, as proud as I was of this team and of this win, something just didn't feel right.

The stands began to empty out as students and professors and families and friends rushed on to the field to enjoy the moment with the team. I lost sight of my teammates as the pitch became flooded with so many other joyous people there to celebrate and praise them as they deserved. And instead of going to them, to celebrate and cheer and praise them, too, to enjoy this moment like no other moment has ever been enjoyed before, I turned around and swiftly headed towards the clubhouse.

There was a smile on my face but as soon as I opened up those doors and shut them behind me, shut out Quidditch and the people and the cheering and the overwhelming excitement, my smile faded.

And I suddenly felt like crying.

This moment was one I had been craving all year. Hell, for five years. Maybe even more. And now that I had it, I still felt a hole in my heart that I had been convinced would be repaired with this win.

And yet it wasn't.

I had told myself time and time again that I desperately needed a win but as it turned out, this wasn't the win I had been longing for. This was a mere fleeting moment that would one day be erased, a simple memory to look back on and smile over but nothing that would bring me eternal joy.

Only one thing had ever done that, _one person_ , and I didn't have her anymore.

So was I happy for the Quidditch win?

Yes.

But would it change how I felt about everything else?

No.

I dropped on to the bench in front of my locker and stared up at my name scribbled on the tape over my locker. This clubhouse was no longer mine. That locker was no longer mine. And ultimately, the win would soon no longer be mine either.

I pulled myself off the bench and wandered over to my locker. My gaze lingered on each and every curve of my faded last name before I reached up and peeled off the tape, leaving the wood bare. I tossed the piece of tape into the trash and wondered if I'd ever be able to find anything that might make me happy again.

I sincerely doubted it.

"James?"

Staring one last time into my empty locker, I slowly turned around and greeted Fred with a nod as he wandered through the door. His face broke out with a grin. "We won, James! We did it! We finally got that Cup!"

I forced out a smile. "I know," I said with a strained chuckle. "I…can't believe it."

The smile on his face turned into a frown quickly. "The celebration's out there," Fred spoke curiously. "So what are you doing in here?"

All I could do was shrug. "Just…taking it all in I suppose."

His eyes met mine and he slowly shook his head. "No, you're not," he spoke softly. "What's going on?"

I saw the concern in his eyes and knew he had already picked up on the fact that I wasn't outwardly showing happiness for a reason. Dropping back on to the bench, I let out a rather defeated sigh. "I've dreamed of this moment since the very first day I became a reserve. I've fantasized about holding up that Cup and proving to the world and to myself that this was what I was meant to do. I've imagined this moment so many times over and over and _over_ again in my head," I whispered, my voice breaking as I turned to look up at my cousin. "And there wasn't a single time in all the times I pictured it where Alice wasn't standing right there beside me."

The despair on Fred's face as he stared down at me was enough to tell me that I looked just as broken as I felt.

He didn't say anything, clearly at a loss for words, as he slowly made his way over to the bench and dropped down beside me. He opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out but I hardly found that unexpected since there wasn't much of anything to say.

I glanced at him, the ache in my heart almost too much to bear, and said, "So much of me had really thought that winning that Cup might make up for all that I lost but it doesn't. Nothing will ever be able to do that."

There was another long round of silence before Fred spoke. "You deserve this win, James," he choked out. "After everything you've been through, you deserve this. Don't not be satisfied with it just because you may not be satisfied in other areas of your life. _You deserve to be happy_."

"But I'm not happy," I blurted out. "This isn't what makes me happy. It's never what made me happy. I always thought it did, but…it didn't. How is it that I never saw that? How is it I always thought that Quidditch was the only thing I could count on? How…how couldn't I see that the only thing I ever really needed in my life was her? Why did it take me so long to figure out that she is what gave my life meaning, not some game?"

Fred swiftly pulled himself off the bench with a shake of the head. "You can't keep doing this," he pleaded. "You can't keep going back to what happened with AliCat. You either have to tell her that you love her or you have to find a way to let her go. Those are your options, James. You can't keep playing the what-if game in your head. And you definitely can't keep playing the what-if game in your heart. I know that you love her, so bloody much that it has literally nearly killed you, but you broke her heart so maybe…"

I looked up at him. "Maybe I don't get to love her anymore," I finished his sentence for him.

He froze and slowly turned to meet my gaze. "I don't want that for you, James, but…" he trailed off again, his voice growing somber, "Yeah. Maybe you don't get to love her anymore."

Never had more depressing words ever been spoken.

But that didn't make them untrue.

I knew it would be a long time before I'd stop loving her. Before I'd be able to truly move on from losing my friendship and relationship with her. It would take a while to get over her. To let her go and move on. I knew it would take some time to stop thinking about her every chance I got. To stop replaying our heartbreaking conversation in my head over and over. I knew it would be a long time before my heart would be ready to feel anything but loss. And I knew I didn't have an easy road ahead of me. But it was a road. I had somewhere to go and someone to be and it was going to be there even without Alice. I didn't want to live without her but I'd find a way. Because I had no other options. I just had me.

"You're right," I muttered with a sad nod. "I just…yeah, no, you're right. I've got to find a way to be happy in other areas. And I will. I am. I am happy that I've finally got that Cup. Just…give me a few minutes to myself, Fred, to just soak this all in, and then I'll put on that smile and that happy face and come celebrate with the team. I want that. I do. I just…I need a minute."

"Er, well, I would give you that minute, except there's someone outside the clubhouse looking to speak to you," he said, clearing his throat.

And because my heart works in very cruel ways, I thought immediately that it might be Alice.

Only I knew it wasn't.

"I'm not really looking to speak to anyone at the moment," I muttered.

"You might reconsider when I tell you who's out there."

I looked up at Fred and was surprised to see a rather goofy grin on his face. "Are you going to continue being cryptic with me or are you going to tell me who's out there?" I drawled.

He smirked. "Alistair Hartman."

I froze.

"The head offensive recruiter for the-"

"Chudley Cannons. Yeah, I know who he is," I finished breathlessly. "But what does he want with me?"

Fred rolled his eyes. "Probably looking to sell you some girl scout cookies," he drawled sarcastically. " _What the hell do you think he wants_?"

I really had no clue. "I…I didn't play today," I reminded my cousin.

Fred shot me a look. "Yeah, that's great and all, but instead of contemplating what he wants with you, don't you think it would be better to, oh I don't know, say, _ask him yourself_?"

I didn't move right away, stalling because the one thing I wanted from Mr. Hartman was for him to tell me they wanted to offer their recently opened-up chaser position to me.

And I knew that that would never happen.

But I couldn't hide out in that clubhouse forever so with a sigh, I picked myself off that bench and headed out the door.

As I pushed open the door to the pitch, the thunderous cheers met my ears once again. It was clear that everyone was still celebrating. With a forced smile, I glanced to my right where Alistair Hartman was standing with his own smile on his face.

"Well, if it isn't the man of the hour," Mr. Hartman said, extending a hand in my direction.

I shook it. "I'm hardly the man of the hour," I argued. "There's an entire team full of players who deserve that title more than me."

He tilted his head to the side curiously. "Was that not you as their Captain being incredibly vocal throughout the match? Or was I just imagining that?"

I felt my cheeks heat up and I hoped they didn't look as red as they felt. "I was just doing my job as Captain. This win belongs to the team, not to me."

He looked at me without saying anything, his eyes shining with a bit of mystery. "And are you not a part of that team?"

I could only shrug. "I am. And I'm very proud to be a part of that team. But today's win was all theirs. They got that win because of who they are, not because of me. They deserve all of the credit."

He seemed to consider my words carefully before responding. "I have to say, when reading the letters you sent, I didn't quite take you for such a modest, humble man."

I blinked. "You…you read my letters?"

"I did," he said with a nod. "I'll admit, I didn't read them until earlier this week. The first two were the standard letters we often receive. All about a player's stats and data and numbers. You really are a very impressive chaser, Mister Potter. I could tell that from about five minutes of listening to your most recent match recording, that match against Slytherin back in March."

I gaped at him. "You…you listened to…you…"

Mr. Hartman chuckled, clearly finding amusement in my rather embarrassing stuttering. "I did, yes."

I was still confused but I couldn't help but groan. "And you just had to listen to a recording in which our team lost?"

He let out another chuckle. "You lost because the other seeker caught that snitch. Before that happened, that game belonged to Gryffindor."

I have to say, I wasn't hating the flattery. "Can't say I disagree," I said with my own nervous chuckle.

"I've done my research with you, Mr. Potter," he continued. "You've broken a lot of school records and that is no easy feat to do. But in the end, stats are just stats. Everyone has them, everyone swears by them, everyone knows how to brag. But not everyone knows how to sell us a real story."

The jumbled thoughts in my head were very much still trying to catch up with my mouth so I just stared at him, both dumbfounded and in shock. "And…I sold you a real story?" I questioned hesitantly.

He nodded again. "I get a lot of letters from candidates begging me to check them out. Boasting about their exaggerated triumphs in a rather conceited way. I tend to ignore them. I like to go off of my own instincts and desperate letters will often rub me the wrong way."

"Oh, great," I muttered.

He chuckled. "But your last letter intrigued me. More than that, it moved me. It was a story of a young boy who fell in love with this sport, and our team, the first time he saw a quaffle soar through the hoops at Cannons Stadium. The first time he heard the crowd roar. The first time he saw a hand wrap around that snitch. We sometimes forget that this is more than a job, it's what we love. And your letter reminded me of that. It reminded me that I, too, was once that young boy with a dream. I know your dreams have faltered lately, even from afar I could see that, but you overcame adversity to help your team get that win today. It's impressive. You're impressive, Mister Potter."

The head offensive recruiter for the Chudley Cannons just called me impressive.

My life was officially complete.

Well, almost anyway.

"Thank you, Mr. Hartman," I spoke softly. "I appreciate the compliment. I appreciate you standing here talking to me at all when I know you must have so many other candidates you're looking at. Candidates who can actually fly at the moment."

He chuckled at that. "Don't thank me for standing here. Thank the fourth letter I received on your behalf earlier this week."

I started at him, confused. It took me a second for my thoughts to make sense of themselves. "What other letter?"

A slow smile crept on to his face. "Ah, you know I did have a sneaking suspicion that you might not have known about the letter she sent us."

"She?" I questioned further.

He looked at me with a knowing smile and even as he spoke, I somehow knew whose name he was going to say. "Alice Longbottom."

He said something after that, but I was too shocked to hear it. If he only got the letter this week, it meant she had only recently sent it. But why? Why would she do that? Why would she write about the guy who flawlessly broke her heart?

"I found it both surprising and endearing that she was writing to me on your behalf and not her own since as you know, she, too, is an incredible chaser," Mr. Hartman continued as I brushed aside the questions in my head. "But she said nothing of herself. She spoke only of you, about how much drive and heart you have for this game and about the many obstacles you've successfully overcome. She talked about how much time and effort you put into not just being your very best at chaser but also being the best Captain you could be. She told us how broken you were just recently, how you almost gave up, how easy it would have been for you to give up, but she said that you love this game too much to ever let it go. She told us that you would never stop fighting for the game, never stop fighting for the win, never stop fighting for the very best of you and your teammates. And she said that Quidditch is in your blood and in your heart and in your future. My staff read that letter and advised me to read it, too. So I did. And then I requested your three letters and read through them. It was clear how right she was about you. And after what I witnessed today, I have no doubt that you will be a force to be reckoned with on whatever Quidditch pitch you wind up on, Mister Potter."

My head was still spinning over the fact that Alice had written to him, that her letter had led Alistair Hartman to look into me, to read my letters and listen to my match recording. She was the reason he was standing in front of me right now, the reason he was congratulating me on a job well done today.

Which made no sense since I hadn't been anywhere near that sky.

"Sir, I'm not sure what I might have done today that showed you anything of my skills," I spoke hesitantly. "I was grounded, I couldn't play. I didn't really do much at all."

"And again, we are back at humble," the older man chuckled. "Some of those plays you called out today I had never heard of. Gryffindor Gambit, Pyranny Pyramid, JP Jab. Am I to presume you created them?"

I nodded numbly. "Uh, yeah."

"Tell me about the last one," he urged. "The JP Jab."

I wasn't entirely sure where this was going but I obliged. "It's something I've been flirting with for a while," I murmured. "Today's the first time we successfully implemented it. We really needed it though. Their beaters were double-teaming Rose and she required all the protection she could get."

"May I ask," he said curiously, "Why didn't you just rely on your other two chasers to monopolize the quaffle if you thought she was being the bigger target?"

"I started with that," I reminded him, "But Malfoy and Hutch had caught on to it quickly, as I thought they might, and that then leaves two chasers very susceptible to easy double-teamed bludger attacks. I couldn't afford either one of them getting hurt or being too distracted. I needed to utilize all my chasers to keep us with the numbers advantage. Better to have two beaters against three chasers than two against two. That play saved us. Malfoy and Hutch stopped double-teaming Rose and started to target all three of the chasers. We got the numbers back and that's exactly what we needed if we had any chance of scoring more goals."

He was nodding along as I spoke but the look in his eyes was unreadable. "Well, Alice Longbottom was certainly right about you," he eventually said. "You may very well be the finest Captain Hogwarts has ever seen."

I gaped at him. "She said…" I trailed off, shocked. " _What_?"

He chuckled. "You know the ins and outs of not only your team, Mr. Potter, but the other team. That shows aptitude. You designed your own plays to better your teammates instead of just using the traditional plays that have traditionally always worked in matches. That shows ingenuity. You picked all the right plays at all the right times. That shows leadership. And you did all of this from the sidelines when others might have given up. That shows heart. These are all qualities that the Cannons coaching staff searched for when looking to fill open positions."

I'm almost positive my heart stopped right then and there. "I'm sorry, what?"

He grinned. "We're interested in you, Mr. Potter," he spoke bluntly. "Very interested."

I take it back. _That's_ when my heart stopped. "I'm sorry, _what_?"

This time, he laughed. "Look, I wish I could say it's a guarantee. I wish I could say I had an offer for you right here and now. I wish I could make all of your dreams come true in this very moment, seconds after winning that Cup of yours. But the truth is, you didn't play today. And there are several other candidates out there that my staff likes. Candidates that we've seen in action. Some which are already playing at the professional level."

My heart was back to beating but it had sunk into my stomach.

"But with that, I strongly urge you to come to open tryouts the third week of June. I saw what you did today and it was impressive and admirable but now I want to see what you can really do on that pitch. And while you may have my interest, I do have a rather large staff whose input means something to me, too. We tend to wait until those open tryouts before making any offers so give them, and me, a reason to consider you."

That didn't sound nearly as promising as I would have liked, but it was something.

"I'll be there," I said firmly, holding my hand out to him.

He smiled down at me and shook my hand. "I expect great things from you, Mr. Potter. I have a feeling this isn't the last we'll be hearing of you."

He nodded his good-bye and took off into the crowd of people still swarming the pitch. And all I could do was stand there completely dumbfounded at even the possibility that the best team in the entire league right now was interested in me.

Maybe my dream didn't have to be over. Maybe I still had a chance. Maybe, just maybe, everything might just turn out okay.

"Did he just say what I think he said?"

I whirled around as Fred came sneaking out of the clubhouse. "Were you eavesdropping, Freddo?"

He grinned sheepishly. "Guilty."

"Don't tell anyone what he said," I pleaded.

He blinked in confusion. "What? Why? That's the best news you could-"

"It's not news," I cut him off with a sigh. "It's just a possibility, one that is probably unlikely."

Fred rolled his eyes at me. "Okay, fine, you want to be Mr. Glass-Half-Empty, you go right ahead, but I am so looking at this like Mr. Glass-Half-Full."

I chuckled. "You can do that all you want as long as you don't tell anyone about this."

He tilted his head to the side. "Don't want to get your hopes up?"

I hesitated. "I don't want to get anyone's hopes up."

He seemed to understand as he offered me a curt nod. "So," he said, clearing his throat, "AliCat, hm?"

I looked up at my cousin. "Did you know?" I accused. "That she wrote to the Cannons on my behalf?"

"No," he said, shaking his head. "I swear to you, I didn't."

I shot him a look. "Really?" I drawled sarcastically. "Even though that just happened to be the team I mentioned to you recently would be a dream for me?"

"I didn't say anything to her," he spoke firmly. "But I didn't have to, James. Most of the time, she knows what you're thinking before you even think it."

I frowned and turned away. "Still doesn't explain why she wrote to them for me."

He shrugged. "I think that might be a better question for her."

I was dying to ask her that question and at the same time, I wasn't so sure I wanted to know the answer. It could only make me fall in love with her more and I wasn't so sure my heart could take it.

Before I had the chance to consider my response, we were interrupted by another familiar voice.

"Was that the Cannons offensive recruiter you were talking to?"

I whirled around and smiled as Mum and Dad wandered my way. "The one and only," I said with a nod, reaching out to embrace my parents.

"What did he want?"

I shot Fred a look, who rolled his eyes at me, before saying to my parents, "He was just congratulating me on the win, that's all."

The two of them exchanged a look. "That seemed like a long conversation for a mere congratulations," Mum commented.

Why were my parents always so nosy? "Don't read anything into it," I pleaded.

They looked like they wanted to absolutely read something into it so I was grateful when my father changed the subject. "Okay, let's try for another question," he said curiously. "Why is it that while your entire team crowded around that Cup as Minerva handed it to them, you were nowhere in sight?"

Because I was too busy being sad to be happy.

Yeah, right, like I'd actually say that aloud.

"I was just soaking in that moment," I said with a forced smile. "I just…I can't believe it's finally ours. I can't believe we finally won. I'm still a little shell-shocked."

"It was well-deserved," Mum said, leaning over to press a kiss into my hair. Hesitating, she said, "Er, just don't tell your brother I said that."

I laughed. "He had his moment last year. It was Gryffindor's turn."

"Your sister appears to be in her element," Dad said, nodding to where Lily was currently riding on CJ's shoulders. "Not sure I loved it when that Wood kid planted a kiss on her in front of the entire stadium though."

" _He did what_?" Fred calls out

"OH, THAT BOY IS DEAD!" I shrieked.

"You are all impossible," Mum groaned, grabbing the back of my robes before I could take off. "That so-called Wood kid is Lily's boyfriend. Do you know what that means? It means they get to kiss each other."

"No way!" Fred argued.

"It so does _not_ mean that!" I huffed.

"To hell with that!" Dad roared.

She sighed and shook her head in disbelief. "Have I mentioned yet that you are all bloody impossible?"

"It came up once," I said dismissively.

She chuckled and once again leaved over to kiss the top of my head. "Go on and celebrate with your team, James," she urged.

"And while you're doing so," added Dad with a smile on his face, "Just remember how proud we are of you."

He had told me he was proud of me a few times over the past few weeks but this moment right here might have meant the most to me. I reached over and embraced my father, to show him that we were okay and I was sorry we ever weren't, and we both looked surprised as I said, "Thank you for coming. I'm really glad you were here."

When we pulled apart, he was beaming at me and Fred couldn't help but clap me on the back. We said our goodbyes and looked around for the rest of the team. I spotted Cass first and a goofy grin broke out across my face when I realized who was standing right there beside her.

"Well, if it isn't the future Captain of the Gryffindor team!" I greeted as I reached out and grabbed Kip Rollins by the waist. He shrieked as I swung him around and Cass looked both highly amused and slightly frightened.

Her brother's shrieks turned into laughter as I placed him back on the ground. He held up his hand for a high-five and I gave it to him. "THAT GAME WAS AWESOME!"

I laughed and reached over to ruffle his hair. "Can't help but agree with you there."

His entire face was beaming up at me as he launched into an over-the-top play-by-play of the game, starting from the very first drive. I couldn't help but smile as he raced through his words. Watching how excited he got, listening to the passion in his voice, seeing how happy one game made him gave me the pride and satisfaction I thought I had lost. Alistair Hartman had been right. It was easy to get lost in the competition and the intensity of the game but kids like Kip, like the wide-eyed and giddy kid I used to be, the wide-eyed and giddy kid that Alistair Hartman used to be, the wide-eyed and giddy kid that we all once were, reminded us that Quidditch wasn't just about winning, it was about love and hope and camaraderie and the feeling of believing in something that mattered.

This game had given me so much, some bad but mostly good. I felt I had so much to be proud of, so many goals and accomplishments that I finally reached. I worked really hard to get to where I was and I finally just felt at peace with everything that Quidditch had given me. There were times I fumbled along the way and there were times I wanted to give up. I made a lot of mistakes, with myself and with the team, but I grew from them. And at the end of the day, Quidditch was there for me during a time in which I wasn't there for myself.

My dreams never changed, they just got lost for a while. And I was ready to find them again.

"Okay, okay, calm down, Kip," Cass chuckled, pulling on the back of Kip's shirt. "You forget, we were there. We lived it! We don't need the play-by-play."

"Yes, but did you _see_ that quaffle you stopped _with your foot_!" he shrieked. "That was going in and you were all 'uh-uh, no way, not gonna happen!' _It was so cool_!"

Cass was trying to contain her laughter but Fred and I couldn't help but grin at the pure glee in Kip's tone and facial expressions. "Yes, I did see that," she said in between her giggles. "You know why? Because I was the one who stopped that quaffle."

"And what about that bludger that Fred cleared all the way across the pitch! _IT WAS SO COOL._ "

"I'm glad you're excited, kiddo," beamed Cass, "But I told you that you could stop over to say hi to James for just a moment and now you are occupying all of his time, time in which I am sure he'd like to be celebrating with his own team."

"Oh, no, it's fine," I reassured as I knelt down in front of him. "Enjoy every moment of Quidditch you can get your hands on, Kip. Don't ever take it for granted. Winning is always fun but remember to stop and enjoy the journey, too. Enjoy it while you still can. And who knows? Maybe one day all of this could be yours."

"THAT WOULD BE SO-"

"Let me guess," Cass chuckled, "Cool? And did I say that James wanted to celebrate with his team? I meant _I_ wanted to celebrate. So go on, Kip. Our parents are waiting for you."

He pouted and tried protesting but she kept pushing his back until he finally relented, saying his goodbyes and disappearing off to where his parents stood.

I turned to the other two with a grin. "So shall we go celebrate then?"

They both cheered and we all took off into the crowd of students still overtaking the field, all chanting "GRYFFINDOR!" at the top of their lungs, and I took the advice I gave to Kip, letting myself finally just enjoy that moment for what it was.

It wasn't the win I wanted, but it was still a win.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

To say the Gryffindor common room was packed would be a complete understatement. There wasn't an inch of that room that wasn't filled with a student and while Gryffindor certainly took over the majority, Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs and yes, even Slytherins, were there to enjoy it with us. Butterbeer was passed out. The music was turned up. Cheers and chants broke out. And through it all, I smiled and tried to let myself be happy in that moment. Because Fred had been right. I deserved this. With all of the tragedies and heartbreak I had to endure in just the past few weeks alone, I really needed a moment to just feel good about myself and my life. So even though there was still so much of me that felt nothing but regret, I reminded myself that I had worked years for this and I deserved to enjoy it.

So I drank with my friends, sang along to the music, chanted with the rest of the student body, and acted like the Captain of a winning team was supposed to act.

All while wondering why the hell Alice wrote to the Cannons on my behalf.

So much of me wanted to ask her. I wanted to go up to her immediately and ask how someone whose heart I broke so easily could turn around and write such nice things about me to the professional Quidditch team I had practically worshipped me entire life. I wanted to ask why she wrote to them on my behalf and not her own. But my heart was still healing and I feared her answer could only make it hurt more. And besides trying to ignore my own heart, I couldn't help but notice how happy she looked and I didn't want to do anything to ruin that. She deserved this night just as much as I did and I didn't want to take that away from her. We had been doing so well, keeping our distance from each other the way I knew we both needed. And I had a strong suspicion that forcing her to have a rather significant conversation with me could only end in more heartbreak. For both of us.

Of course that didn't mean I didn't keep tabs on her. I watched as she took shots with Jax and danced with Fred. I noticed her in the corner teasing Dash and Kye. I made a face when Rudy embraced her and congratulated her. I saw her shake Albus' hand and I heard her tell him he still had one more year to grab himself a win. I watched, I analyzed, and I said nothing. I let her have this moment and even though I felt numb knowing I couldn't be there sharing the win with her, I was so incredibly happy that she was happy. It was all I ever really wanted for her.

"You going to ever talk to her or just stare at her creepily all night?"

I jumped, whirling around as my sister came up behind me with a smirk. "Who are you talking about?" I asked, playing dumb.

Lily rolled her eyes. "You know full well who I'm talking about."

Yes, I unfortunately did.

"I can't talk to her," I murmured as I sipped the butterbeer in my hand (for I thought that hard liquor was probably not the best answer to healing my concussion). "That wouldn't be fair to her."

Lily sighed. "The James and Alice story is far from over," she argued. "You still have many years left in you."

I shook my head. "It was over the moment I broke her heart," I sighed. "And I don't expect a sequel. I hardly deserve it."

Lily's curious gaze met mine. "She still loves you," she spoke bluntly. "Anybody can see that. So maybe it doesn't have to be over."

"It doesn't matter whether or not she still loves me," I muttered. "She won't forgive me. And that means there's nothing left for us."

She finished the rest of her drink, the curiosity never fading from her green eyes. "She hasn't yet forgiven you," she spoke hesitantly, glancing up at me with a raised eyebrow. "That doesn't mean she won't."

Before I could respond, a new voice chimed in.

"She's right, y'know."

I glanced over my shoulder as Fred came up to us.

"She does love you and I know you love her," Fred said with a shrug. "But only one of you has actually said it to the other."

I met his knowing gaze but said nothing. Because even though Fred and Lily were convinced our story wasn't over, I was. I had to be. It didn't matter what I felt or even what she felt because we had made too many mistakes and I had made one ultimate mistake, none of which we'd ever be able to climb back from. I didn't want to put her in my past but it was clear to me that my future didn't include her. I couldn't allow myself to think that it could. Just like I didn't want to get my hopes up with the Cannons, I couldn't get my hopes up with her. I had to believe it was over, had to believe we had gone our separate ways, had to believe that our love story had had its final chapter. It was the only way my heart, and therefore my head, would ever really heal.

If I told her that I loved her, it'd be like telling myself I have a chance. I'd be giving myself hope. _False_ hope. I'd be breaking her heart all over again and she would then break mine again, too. And the last time that happened, I wound up in the hospital wing. I was supposed to be healing, not finding ways to make myself worse.

And talking to her could only make things worse.

Her forgiveness would always be standing in our way. And that was okay. I didn't blame her for it. I just needed to move on because of it.

"And we'll continue to love each other from afar," I spoke softly. "Until we won't."

I tried ignoring Alice for the rest of the night but the task seemed impossible. I could hear her laugh over the loud music, her sparkling eyes somehow drawing my attention from across the room. I did as I said and I loved her from afar. And maybe I would have continued to do so if she had never written that letter to the Cannons, if she had never put pen to paper, never begged Alistair Hartman to give me a chance. Maybe my entire attention wouldn't have been all on her. Maybe I'd be happy for her from a distance. Maybe I'd be celebrating with my friends, she'd be celebrating with hers, and if our celebrations overlapped, I'd just offer her a smile and go on my merry little way. Maybe I'd move on from her, maybe I'd let her go, maybe I'd say our final goodbyes in my head. Maybe I'd be happy knowing that she was happy.

But it wasn't happiness I felt in that moment, it was confusion. Overwhelming utter confusion. She was supposed to let me go. So why hasn't she?

"Alright, alright, alright!" my sister shouted hours later as she gestured for CJ to turn down the music. She had the Cup in her hands and Fred later told me that the entire team forced it into her hands for being the one to catch that snitch. "We are all here for a well-deserved celebration! _One hell of a victory_! The triumph of the century! GRYFFINDOR WON THE CUP!"

The entire room broke out into thunderous cheers and I cringed at the sheer volume. It was rather impressive that my head wasn't currently pounding what with all the incredibly loud noises around me from the music to the cheers to the chants. But I suppose that was my head's way of telling me to enjoy the moment.

"Every single person on this team earned the right to call this Cup theirs," my sister continued from where she stood on the coffee table. CJ and Cass were standing behind her and I noticed out of the corner of my eye that Fred and Jax were making their way towards her as well. "We played our hearts out and it showed. Slytherin gave us a fight, let's not pretend this was easy, but in the end, Gryffindor prevailed."

More cheers. Hugo and Rose were now weaving through the crowd towards my sister.

"But I think, and the team agrees with me, that this Cup belongs to one person more than the rest of us. One person who believed in us and who got us through the tough times. One person who never gave up hope. Who didn't give up on us even though he wanted to. One person who built this team from a two-man down disadvantage and has taught us all the power of teamwork. Who has shown us time and time again that while skill and talent are important, it means nothing if we don't have heart. And he is the embodiment of the heart of this team. He may not have played today but he was with us every minute of the way. I think you all know who I'm talking about," she said and her eyes met mine from across the room. "Our Captain, my brother, James Potter."

I met the twinkle of green in her eyes as she held up the Cup and gratitude swelled in my heart. I smiled up at her and she gestured for me to join her. I chuckled and waved my hand dismissively at her which only had her glaring at me with her usual amount of determination. Rolling my eyes, I shook my head and said, "You caught that snitch today, Lily. That Cup is no more mine than it is yours."

"It is," Fred spoke from where he stood in front of Lily, joined by the rest of the time except for one noticeable absentee. "You were the one fighting for this team all year when some of us had lost the fight."

"I lost the fight, too," I reminded him with a mere shrug. "But I found it again, just like you all did."

"We found it again because of you," Jax argued. "Now, c'mon, stop being a modest idiot and come get your Cup."

"It's not just my Cup!" I groaned, aware that the entire Gryffindor common room had suddenly gone very quiet. "You guys played the game out there today. You deserve it more than I do."

"The only reason you weren't up there with us today was because a pair of jealous, irrational Ravenclaws cheated you," said Rose. "But you still earned that Cup just as much as the rest of us did. Maybe more. I only played in today's match but you played all year."

This was getting borderline ridiculous. "And you played in the match that won it all," I groaned. "Don't sell yourself short, Rose."

"Okay, sure, I'll do that," she drawled, "If you stop selling yourself short, too."

I wasn't looking to be painted as some hero or martyr when I had made so many mistakes this year. As much as I appreciated the win, I appreciated the team more. They deserved the same amount of praise I did. Maybe even more.

"This year was both thrilling and incredibly difficult," I spoke. "We all went through so much, both on that field and off. I loved being your Captain. But I wasn't the only Captain of the team this year. We had a few Captain changes because I screwed up. I made mistakes, and a lot of them, and I am just so grateful that we all somehow managed to bounce back from them. But I am not perfect. Our road to that Cup was not perfect. You guys earned that win today. I don't know if I can say the same about me."

Surprise flickered in my teammate's eyes and it was Fred who spoke. "None of us are perfect," he contested. "You think I earned that win today? I missed our Hufflepuff game because I put my love life ahead of the team! You aren't the only one who wasn't perfect this year. We lost our seeker halfway through the year, I got benched, Jax nearly took out one of our own players, you played one shitty game, we had teammates who weren't speaking to each other, other teammates who were at each other's throats, we reestablished certain Code rules, fought with the other team Captains, and holy shit, how the hell did we end up winning instead of completely imploding?"

A ripple of laughter filled the room, and even my upper lip twitched, but I just shook my head at my cousin. "But at the end of the day, you were on that pitch during that final match to help secure the win. I wasn't."

"You were the one who came up with nearly half of the plays we used to secure the win!" he groaned. "For fuck's sake, have you always been this annoyingly modest?"

I cracked a smile at that. "I just don't think I deserve as much credit as you're all giving me."

"You're wrong" an all-too-familiar voice spoke from behind me.

My heart froze as I slowly turned around. Considering I had spent all night watching her, it was amazing how Alice could find a way to sneak up on me.

"Maybe we went through more trials and tribulations than most teams should ever have to go through in one year," Alice spoke, her periwinkle eyes filled with both reluctance and pride. "But we all persevered. We are all so much stronger than any of us give ourselves credit for and I think we have you to thank for that. No, I take it back. I _know_ we have you to thank for that. You believed in this team from the very start. You believed in every single one of us. You put your heart and your soul into this team every minute of every day. Maybe there were times you faltered, but you never fell. You always got right back up because you cared about this team more than anything. This team is what has made you happy. It's what has made you you. That Cup has _always_ belonged to you, James. You just finally have something to show for it."

I could only stare at her, my heart racing a mile a minute as I looked at the girl who helped make Quidditch worth it. I had loved the game in part because of her. She and I became obsessed with the sport at the same time. We grew up cheering for the Cannons together and listening to the matches on the radio whenever we had the chance to. We'd get all decked out in Quidditch gear during the playoffs. We'd lose our voices after screaming at the radio for so long. We became the dynamic duo of our Gryffindor team and became nearly unstoppable. She believed in me and she trained with me and she helped me be the best chaser I could be. I loved the game because I loved her.

"No," I whispered. "The only thing that's ever made me me is you, Alice."

Shock and horror filled her gaze. "James," she pleaded but I cut her off before she could say another word.

"Why did you write a letter to the Cannons about me?" I blurted out.

She froze, her eyes widening in one swift motion. Her mouth parted in slight surprise as she slowly and tensely glanced around the room at the many people who were staring at us in curious silence.

Yeah, okay, maybe that question would have been better asked _not_ in a crowded room full of nearly half the student body.

But I ignored all of them, only focusing on Alice as the surprise in her eyes faded into reluctant irritation. "Well, the Cannons weren't supposed to tell you that," she grumbled.

I exhaled hesitantly. "Why did you do it?"

The room remained silent, though there were several looks of confusion amongst our peers. I wasn't the only one who noticed them as Alice glanced around the room once again. She leaned into me with a frown and muttered, "I hardly think now is the right time to discuss this."

I shrugged. "Okay, then tell me where and when you want to have this conversation and I'll be there."

Her lips pursed. "There's nothing to talk about, James," she spoke in a clipped tone. "Yeah, I wrote to them. But why does it matter why I did it?"

It was a good question, one I wasn't sure the answer to. But I spoke anyway. "You wouldn't have written to them if it didn't matter."

She looked like she wanted to say something but didn't.

I tried again. "You don't owe me anything, Alice. Not a single thing. You should have written me off the moment I broke your heart. So why didn't you?"

She squeezed her eyes shut tightly, shutting out me and the rest of the crowd as she let out a defeated sigh. When she opened them back up, she grabbed my arm and started dragging me through the crowd towards the portrait hole.

"What are you doing?" I asked as I quickly lagged behind her. "Where are we going?"

"Well, if you insist on having this conversation, I don't really want to be having it with the entire student body breathing down our necks," she muttered and I easily detected irritation in her tone.

"Aw, c'mon, no fair!" Fred whined from the middle of the room.

" _Shut up, Fred_ ," she snapped at him and Fred grimaced, offering me an apologetic look that pretty much told me I was headed towards a bloodbath.

We weaved our way through the curious onlookers and made it to the portrait hole. She exited and hastily wandered down the hallway away from the Fat Lady. I followed. I nearly ran into her back when she stopped abruptly and turned around to face me, her arms folded defensively against her chest. "Any particular reason you wanted to put me on the spot in front of the entire Gryffindor House?"

"I…" I trailed off with a long sigh. "I wasn't planning on it. It's just the one last thing I don't have an answer to and you were standing there in front of me and I couldn't not ask. It just came out. I shouldn't have done that, not with everyone staring at us. I'm sorry."

She looked like she wasn't sure if she wanted to throttle me or accept my apology. She went with the latter. "It's fine," she murmured with a shrug. "Don't worry about it."

She started back down the hallway, but I reached out and grabbed her arm to stop her. "You didn't actually answer my question."

She looked down at my hand on her arm and slowly looked up to meet my gaze with a frown. "What question?"

I released her arm with my own frown. "Why did you do it?" I pleaded. "Why did you write to them about me?"

She tried looking away but couldn't as the irritation in her eyes slowly faded. "What are you looking for from me exactly?" she asked softly. "What answer are you hoping out of me? Are you hoping I'll confess my deepest feelings for you, that I did for you because I'm still in love with you? Are you hoping that this is our big climax of our epic love story? Do you think that suddenly everything is just going to work out for us because you found out I put our differences aside to write to the Cannons on your behalf? What do you really think you're going to get out of having this conversation with me?"

Her words were like a knife to my heart. Not because the content was agonizing, though an argument could clearly be made for that, but because I could hear the heartbreak in every word she spoke.

"You can't forgive me and I don't expect you to," I whispered. "So the only thing I'm looking for right now is the truth. I don't deserve it. But I'm asking you for it anyway."

She said nothing for a long time, letting my words sink in. The silence was nearly unbearable as I watched several emotions pass through her gaze, until she finally settled on reluctance. "You may have lost hope in your dreams, James, but I never did," she whispered.

That still didn't completely answer my question. "But _why_?" I begged. "Just tell me why and I'll leave you alone. I'll walk away, I'll let this be it, I won't ask you for anything more. I just…I feel like I need to know why."

More silence. The waiting might actually be more painful than the conversation part.

"Because," she whispered, "Quidditch is all you've ever known and even though everything else in your life got screwed up, I couldn't let this get screwed up, too."

I could only stare at her as the desperation in her tone filled the quiet hallway. "But…" I trailed off, shaking my head in bewilderment. "You were one of the things I screwed up, Alice. Why did you try to help me when that was the last thing you should have wanted?"

Resignation flickered in her eyes as she met my confused gaze. There was another round of hesitant silence before she began to speak. "I was there when you climbed on to your very first broom and scraped your knee two minutes later when you fell off. When you went to your first Cannons game and you couldn't stop talking about it for weeks. I was there when we stayed up until nearly three o'clock in the morning listening to game seven of the Puddlemere-Tornadoes match that lasted eight long hours and we cheered when Yvette Tomlinson finally grabbed the snitch and the Tornadoes won for the first time in thirty-three years. I was there when you decided at eight-years-old that you were going to be a chaser when you grew up because you always felt so exhilarated every time you scored a goal and you never wanted to stop feeling that way. I was there when you got the reserve position as a mere twelve-year-old and I was there when you were named one of the starting chasers in our third year. I was there when you were named Captain and I was there as you led this team to the Cup today. I was there when as a kid you wanted to grow up and be a Cannon, I was there when you told me that one day you'd be a member of their team, and I never really forgot that. I was there through it all, James. I've watched you grow to love and admire and worship this sport. You have wanted this since you were just a boy and I couldn't just stand by and watch you lose it all in one heartbreaking moment that was fueled by someone else's jealousy and anger. It wasn't fair to you. You deserve everything you've ever wanted even if you haven't always thought so yourself. So I wrote to the Cannons because someone needed to know how hard you've worked. To know how important this game is to you, to understand that this is a lifestyle to you, not just a dream. Someone needed to see you for the Quidditch star you are. To see all that you have accomplished. Someone needed to see why this dream has always meant so much to you. Someone needed to see you the way I've always seen you."

All I could do was stare into the eyes of a girl who somehow still managed to care about me and my dreams when the only thing I ever did for her was break her heart.

"But…" I trailed off, not even sure what I was thinking or feeling, "Why them? Why the Cannons? How did you know that I still wanted that? How did you know that I found my way back to that dream?"

She turned away from me with a frown. "Your head might have lost sight of it but I knew your heart never did. The Cannons were always there for you. They were always the team you could rely on, the team you could root for, the team that meant something to you, the team you could trust. You might have lost trust in so much else but that Cannons were always there to give you something to believe in."

Fred was right. She really did know what I was thinking before I even thought it.

"And what about what you believe in?" I choked out. "What about your dreams? In case it's slipped your mind, you're a chaser, too. Why write to the Cannons on my behalf and not your own?"

While she seemed to have a very drawn-out answer as to why she to the Cannons about me, she seemed to be at a loss of how to answer why she didn't write to them about herself.

She leaned up against the wall with a heavy sigh, a sense of defeat suddenly emanating off her weary expression. "You were right," she whispered achingly. "About everything you said to me about my mother. How I've been somehow chasing after all these things that I thought would make her proud and-"

"No," I pleaded, cutting her off. "I didn't mean any of it, I just-"

"You did mean it," she argued. "Maybe you didn't mean for it to come out as cruel as it did, but the general meaning was very much intended. And you were right. Nearly everything I've ever done was for her. And now it's time for me to go after my own dreams, whatever they might be. It's time I figure out what I want to do and what I need to do for me. Just me. I'm still working all of that out but you? You've only ever had one dream. When you were losing sight of everything else and even yourself, that dream never faded. And you deserve to achieve it."

I wanted to believe her but I didn't think I deserved much of anything.

"I hurt every single person in my life because I thought that dream was over," I reminded me. "How can you possibly believe that I still deserve it?"

There was so much sadness in her eyes that I wanted to just reach out and hug her close, to tell her I was sorry and that I loved her and needed her, and to tell her that no matter what happened, she was going to be okay.

But I broke her heart. So I didn't get to be the one to make her feel better anymore. Not when I made her feel her worst.

"I don't know how to forgive you, James," she whispered, her eyes finding the floor, "But I also don't know how to stop loving you."

My broken heart suddenly felt very real again as I watched so much vulnerability pass through her eyes, telling me that as hard as it was for me to let her go, she found it just as hard. This wasn't a one-way street. I broke us, in a horribly hurtful way, and both of our hearts were shattered that day. Both of us were trying to pick up the pieces. Both of us were trying to let go and move on.

But that didn't mean the love we had for each other was gone.

Not yet anyway.

"It's okay," I whispered.

Her gaze left the floor to slowly meet mine. "What is?"

Nothing.

"That you don't know how to forgive me," I choked out. "Because I don't know how to forgive myself either."

She looked at me. "Do you even want to?"

My brow furrowed. "What?"

She folded her arms defensively across her chest, hugging herself close to her body. "You were always so good at punishing yourself for your own mistakes, letting yourself believe that that is punishment enough."

The raw truth of those words sent a jagged knife straight through my heart. "That isn't punishment enough," I murmured. "Losing you, forcing myself to lose you, that's the real punishment here. That's the punishment I'll have to live with for the rest of my life."

Her eyes met mine, desperation meeting desperation, sadness meeting sadness, pain meeting pain, and ultimately regret meeting regret.

"Don't punish yourself forever, James," she spoke hesitantly. "You've dealt with enough turmoil and tragedy and punishment throughout your life enough as it is. Maybe it's time you just found a way to be happy."

I was pretty sure I lost that chance the moment I lost her.

But it was certainly a nice dream. To find happiness.

At the moment, however, a dream was all it was going to be.

I turned away, the grief catching in my throat. "Thank you," I choked out.

I could feel her confusion bouncing off her expression even though I wasn't looking at her. "For what?"

I had said it because I wanted to thank her for writing to the Cannons, but the answer I wound up blurting out was, "For loving me."

Her breath hitched at those blunt words and when I dared to look up at her again, I saw a fresh coat of tears blurring her periwinkle eyes. "You don't have to thank me for that, James. It was easy loving you," she whispered. Pausing, she added, "Right before it wasn't."

My heart ached at the raw honesty of that heartbreaking declaration, knowing that this was our goodbye. This was the point in the road where she'd go her way and I'd go mine. We had said all of the things we could (almost anyway) and there was nothing left for us than to finally just put the past in the past.

If ever there was a time to tell Alice that I loved her, too, that I loved her with everything I had, that my heart belonged to her and only her, it was that very moment. But the words wouldn't form. I was as afraid of them now, even with nothing to lose, as I have always been.

I had been right all along. She really did deserve better.

"Do you think we'll ever be friends again?" I asked softly.

Alice looked at me with eighteen years worth of memories and pain etched into her expression. "I don't know," she spoke truthfully. "I hope so, but…"

"You don't know," I spoke for her.

She met my gaze and offered me a single nod.

It wasn't a no but it also wasn't a yes. I didn't know if that should provide me with hope and encouragement or heartbreak and regret but my heart somehow felt all four. At some point, I had fallen romantically in love with her but before that there was a different kind of love, a platonic love filled with so much care and adoration and appreciation and affection. I hated myself for ruining my relationship with Alice, I always would.

But what I hated even more was how I ruined our eighteen-year-old friendship.

I tried putting that into words, tried putting some form of a deserved apology into an emotional outburst but I couldn't even begin to tell her all the things I regretted that occurred just after all the things I didn't, all the things I cherished and valued and held so close to my fragile heart. I didn't know how to put an eighteen-year-old friendship into just a few words, didn't know how to express my overwhelming gratitude towards her for always seeing the best in me right before I made her see the worst. I didn't know what to say, if there was even anything that could be said, so I just stood there looking at the only girl in the world who made my life have any meaning.

She eventually turned her head away, glancing down the long corridor towards the Fat Lady portrait. "We should get back inside," she murmured.

I nodded. "Go ahead," I said, nodding towards the portrait. "I'll be there in a minute."

She eyes twitched but still she stared down the hallway, her eyes coated with an intense amount of anguish, anguish that I knew I was the sole reason behind. She didn't move, just stayed put as the silence overtook both of us before offering me a single nod. Pushing away from the wall, she disappeared down the hallway, leaving me there to watch the only girl I've ever loved, the only girl I was convinced I'd ever love, walk away from me one final time.

I took her place on the wall, leaning back against the stone with a heavy sigh. I felt the slightest of throbbing in the back of my head, so faint and yet it was there to remind me of my overwhelming heartbreak. I aqueezed my eyes shut, trying to wipe away our last conversation, a conversation that had been the farthest thing from satisfying. I now knew why she had written to the Cannons, to selflessly give me a semblance of my life back, and I loved her for it just like I loved everything else about her, but knowing why she had done it didn't fill me with any of the answers I was looking for. Because the only answer I wanted was her and I couldn't have that.

"Hey."

I nearly jumped, my eyes popping open as I glanced to my right just as Fred was leaning back against the wall beside me.

"You okay?" he questioned.

I shrugged. "Yeah."

I could feel his eyes on me, though I found a stain on the floor to stare at. "No, you're not."

No, I wasn't.

But I hoped one day I might be.

"Did she tell you why she wrote to the Cannons?" Fred asked cautiously.

I nodded.

He sighed. "Are you going to tell _me_?"

I frowned and then let out a reluctant sigh. "She's still figuring her dreams out but apparently never forgot about mine," I muttered.

There was a long pause before Fred spoke. "Yeah, well, being in love does that to you."

A lump formed in my throat. "Yeah, well as the age-old saying goes, love isn't always enough."

Fred's lips pursed. "And sometimes it is," he muttered. I could detect a hint of bitterness in his tone. "But you kinda have to tell her that you love her in order for it to work."

"It can't work, Fred," I pleaded. " _We_ don't work because we aren't a 'we' anymore. I broke her heart once already. I can't do it again. I can't tell her the one thing that might just hurt her even more."

"This isn't about protecting her from getting hurt, it's about protecting _you_ ," he said stubbornly. "Because _you've_ dealt with so much heartbreak lately and you don't want to have to hear her tell you that you loving her doesn't change anything. You don't want to have to deal with that kind of pain and I don't blame you. But don't you get that this can't be about you? She needs some sort of validation that she didn't fall in love with a guy who doesn't love her back, who doesn't know how to. She needs to know that her relationship with you wasn't a complete waste of time, that it meant as much to you as it did her. She needs to know that even when you were hurting her, you loved her. _She deserves to know_."

Fred wasn't wrong. She did deserve to know. And if I wasn't a complete coward, a selfish ex-boyfriend and an even more selfish ex-friend, then maybe I would have actually done something about it. Maybe I would have walked into that common room, grabbed her arm, and told her that I loved her and that I was sorry I never said it before. Maybe I would have told her that I knew it didn't change anything between us but that she deserved to hear the truth, that there was a good chance I had loved her since long before we ever got together, and that there was a good chance I'd love her for the rest of my life. Maybe.

But I am a coward. I am selfish. And selfishly, I didn't want to lay my own heart all out on the line just to watch her stomp all over it. I didn't want to hear from her that love wasn't enough. That it never was. That maybe I had been right all those years to think that love was worth the risk. Because standing there against that wall with nothing but my shattering heart to keep me company wasn't worth much of anything.

"You know what I want right now?" I murmured. "You know what I _really_ want?"

"What?"

I turned to Fred and said, "A drink."

He groaned. "James-"

"I know I shouldn't be consuming alcohol with this damned concussion still going on, but don't you think I've earned one drink?" I said with a casual shrug before heading towards the portrait.

"You're a coward, James Potter, y'know that?" he called out after me.

"Duly noted," I called over my shoulder with a forced chuckle.

" _James_."

"Are you joining me for a drink or not?" I said, shooting him a look as I uttered the password to the Fat Lady.

"Can I toss the drink in your face?" Fred grumbled as he jogged up behind me.

"On second thought, maybe I'll drink alone."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

 **A/N:** Well, James finally got his Cup. He just didn't get the girl.

Up next: the final chapter.


	43. Goodbye

**A/N:** And with a very heavy and yet full heart, I present to you the final chapter.

* * *

 **A WAY WITH WORDS**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 43: Goodbye

" _For all the joy we shared  
All that time we had to spend  
Now if I had one wish  
I'd want forever back again  
To look into your eyes  
And hold you when you cry  
It's not easy  
To say goodbye  
I can remember all those great times we had  
There were so many memories some good, some bad  
Yes and through it all  
These memories will last  
Forever."_  
-Lionel Richie

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I made it through N.E.W.T.s generally unscathed. I had buckled down and spent most of my free time hold up in the library in the weeks leading up to the exams trying to catch up on all of the work I had abandoned during my Dark Phase (a term that Jax had come up with) and after the end of the two-week exam period was over, I didn't come out feeling like a complete failure so I chalked that up to a win.

Life was steadily going back to normal. I'd be lying if I said thoughts of Alice didn't creep into my mind occasionally (translation: all the time), but I was finding a way to deal with it. So much of me was craving the world outside of Hogwarts, just to get away from a place that held so many memories of her. Of _us_. Every corridor smelled like her, every laugh that rang out in the Great Hall reminded me of all the times I made her laugh, every time I walked past a broom cupboard I thought of her lips on mine. I could see her hair swinging in the breeze on the Quidditch pitch, her smiling face was staring at me from the grounds, the common room was a tidal wave of Alice-centric recollections. Every smiling portrait, every nick in the plaster, every stain on the floor brought back some sort of memory. It was suffocating at times.

And yet the idea of leaving Hogwarts behind, leaving her behind, was perhaps more heartbreaking than everything else combined. To say goodbye to Hogwarts meant to say goodbye to the only girl I have ever loved. I didn't know how I was going to live a life without her. I didn't know how I was going to enter the Real World without her standing by my side encouraging me every step of the way. I didn't know how not to love her.

But that is what my next journey held. As frightening and heartbreaking as it was, the story of Alice and me had completed its final chapter and has been put to rest. In front of me lay only the first chapter of a brand-new book. A book that no longer included her. And while there was so much tragedy and pain in that, there was also some excitement to embracing the unknown that my future currently held for me. I could do and be anyone I wanted to be.

Now if only I could figure out what that was.

Graduation day had come quicker than I had anticipated. It was the last day I'd set foot on Hogwarts soil as a student and while a part of me felt exhilarated, most of what I was feeling was painful nostalgia. Painful because as I thought back on the last seven years, my mind flooded with so many memories of an insecure boy reluctantly dragging his feet along his long and winding, not to mention rocky, path of life. I had taken a lot of detours to get where I was, walked down many wrong paths to finally find the right one, but I somehow survived. Maybe there were times I didn't think I would, maybe there were times I thought that finding a way out of my life was the only chance to survival, but overcoming my many obstacles only proved to me how resilient I could be. There were plenty of times I was down but I was not yet out. Nor did I want to be.

The sun was rising on that fateful Saturday morning, three hours before the small seventh-year graduation ceremony was set to start and five hours before the Hogwarts Express was set to leave Hogsmeade station. And where else would I be but on that Quidditch pitch to say goodbye to my childhood?

I wanted so badly to be up in the air with my broomstick in my hands and the wind in my hair but alas, I would just have to appreciate all that Hogwarts, and that pitch, had given me from the ground.

Seven years earlier, I had walked into the school an open-hearted, wide-eyed, eager, happy-go-lucky boy. Seven years later, I was walking out a downhearted, narrowed-eyed, wary, discouraged somewhat of a man. My life wasn't all bad, even though I've certainly seemed to paint it that way all these years, and even though the Quidditch pitch I was currently staring at provided me with so much regret and disappointment in the last of its months, it also gave me some of the best years of my life. I would miss that pitch. But mostly, I would miss the boy I came to be on that pitch.

"Hey."

I let out a loud yelp at the unexpected visitor, clutching my heart as I turned towards the familiar voice. "Jesus fucking Christ, Fred, I'm already dealing with a concussion. I don't need a bloody heart attack on top of that," I moaned.

He cracked a smile, dropping on to the bench beside me. "I heard you slip out of your bed. I had a feeling I'd find you here."

My racing heart began to decelerate. "Can you believe we're graduating today?"

"I can believe I'm graduating," he said with a shrug. "You? Well, that is nothing short of a miracle."

I elbowed him hard in the side and we both laughed.

"I owe Dash money," he said with a wistful sigh. "I bet him at the beginning of the year you'd find a way to completely fuck it up and you'd have to repeat your last year."

I glared at him but before I could respond, a new voice spoke out. "And I thank you, James, for not being a complete waste of space."

Both my head and Fred's turned towards the new voice, watching as Dash strolled towards us.

"I…think that was a compliment," I mused, shaking my head at him.

Dash chuckled, clapping me on the back as he sat down on my other side. "Why am I not surprised to find you two out here?"

In unison, Fred and I lifted our gazes towards the sky. With a nostalgic smile, I couldn't help but say, "I always say that Hogwarts was a first home to me, but really it was this pitch that was."

Silence followed at the longing of my words before Fred broke it. "I'm sorry you didn't get a chance to fly one last time."

Me, too.

"I flew one last time," I argued. "I just didn't know it was my last time."

Fred winced. "That somehow makes it even more depressing."

I shrugged. "It doesn't depress me," I said and I realized I meant it. "This pitch was a part of my life for the past six years but every good thing must come to an end. I'll find another pitch in a month or two and make that my next home. Everything has a way of working out."

I could feel Fred and Dash's incredulous looks on me but my eyes still traced the clouds in the sky.

"Did you have a dose of Elixir to Induce Euphoria or Felix Felicis this morning or something?" Dash asked, dumbfounded.

I chuckled and shook my head. "I've spent nearly half of my life being a cynical prat and it got me nowhere. I nearly lost everything because of that cynicism. It's time I started to look at life in a positive way. It might not be perfect but hey, I almost didn't have a life to live at all so I can't really complain, now can I?"

This time, I glanced between them and saw the astonishment in their eyes.

"No, but seriously, what cheering potion are you on?" Dash drawled.

I let out another laugh and returned my gaze to the sky. It was painted pink and purple as the sun began to creep out beyond the skyline. It felt like a type of metaphor for my life, the next phase teetering on the edge of the horizon waiting to make an appearance with no way of knowing how it might look. There was some hope in that for I knew it was up to me to decide my next steps. And while the unknown had always been a bit of a sore subject for me, there was so much of me that was grateful for a fresh start. I had no way of knowing where my life might end up but I was no longer scared of it. I was ready to say goodbye to the past and embrace the future.

If only saying goodbye to the past wasn't also saying goodbye to the only person that ever made it worth living.

"I knew there'd be a good chance I'd find you all here."

Our three heads swiveled towards the new voice as Jax climbed the stairs and made his way towards us. "Ready to graduate?" he asked.

We all considered his question carefully. I was the one who eventually responded. "Ready for the next step I suppose."

Nostalgia settled into his expression. "This pitch won't feel the same without you guys."

"Aw, thanks, mate!" Dash interjected with a teasing grin.

Jax rolled his eyes. "Yeah, sure, you're okay, too."

Dash chuckled while Fred and I exchanged a curious look. Glancing back towards the soon-to-be seventh year, I said, "Don't make the same mistakes I did as Captain, Bloch. Be the best you can possibly be and don't let anything that happens off this field affect what happens on it."

Jax's brow furrowed. "Who says I'll be Captain?"

"Because Neville asked me who I would choose to Captain next year's team and I didn't even have to think about the answer," I spoke immediately.

A slight pink hue appeared on Jax's cheeks. "Wow," he murmured. "I…I've been so busy enjoying this year's win that I didn't even think to consider what might happen next year. Any advice for me?"

That was another question I didn't have to think about the answer for. "Yeah," I said with a smile, "Remember to have some fun."

He blinked. "That's all?"

I chuckled. "It was the same thing Louis told me last year. I just wished I had listened to him."

I spent so much of the year worried about winning and the Cup and getting to that final that it took me months to realize that I had turned the love of the sport into nothing but a chore. There were moments, albeit very small, that I enjoyed it but most of the time, I had my head buried so far in my playbook that I never stopped to look up and enjoy what was around me. Winning certainly meant a lot but it wasn't everything. The past year had reminded me of that.

Quidditch was a game. But it wasn't my life.

Smiling up at the sky, I glanced between Fred and Dash and said, "So what do you say, mates? Should we go graduate?"

Dash clapped me on the shoulder and stood up, stretching his arms over his head. "Please tell me you've got some Graduation Day prank up your sleeve. I don't think I could take knowing you've grown out of all of your troublemaking habits."

I let out a huff of protest. "I am now a fully-fledged grown-up adult who has seen the errors of my immature past."

Dash stared at me. "So basically you've planned the most elaborate and epic prank possible for the ceremony?"

"I will neither confirm nor deny that."

Dash smirked. "So basically you've planned the most elaborate and epic prank possible for the ceremony."

A grin spread across my jawline. "Guess you'll have to wait to find out."

The three of us roared with laughter, just like we did when chairs hovered above the ground and Gryffindor banners painted the sky and balloons floated in the air popping with confetti at the final minutes of the graduation ceremony.

And we didn't really stop until we climbed off the Hogwarts Express for the last time, saying goodbye to our childhood and hello to the future.

Whatever that future might hold for us.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Four days later, I was cleared to play Quidditch again. With my broom in hand, I raced over to Fred's place, barged through the living room with barely a hello towards Roxanne, and poured into Fred's bedroom without knocking.

Which I really should have done seeing as he was with Ryleigh on his bed, both of them without their shirts on.

Fred yelped and tossed the blanket at Ryleigh, who practically buried herself under it. "Haven't you ever heard of knocking?" he groaned.

"I thought you were supposed to be packing," I laughed.

"We are packing," he huffed.

My eyebrow shot upward.

"Well, we were," he said sheepishly. "But then I thought getting Ryles out of her shirt sounded like a hell of a lot more fun."

Ryleigh smacked him with his pillow. "And how about you hand me said shirt now?"

He pouted. "Or I could kick James out."

"Oy, I'm your cousin!" I whined.

"And she's my half-naked girlfriend," Fred drawled. "Believe me, the choice is easy."

I paused. "Hm, you make a good point," I mused. "Guess I'll just go flying on my own."

"Glad you understand," he said with a grin. He then paused. "Wait, did you just say you wanted to go flying?" He blinked, staring at me and then staring at my broomstick. "And you're holding your broom."

"Nothing gets by you, mate."

He looked at me, awe in his eyes. "You got cleared? No more concussion? You're allowed to fly again?"

I smiled and nodded. "I can fly again."

He threw his arm over his head with an embarrassing whoop. "Well, what the hell are we waiting for? Let's go flying!"

I laughed at his clear pride and just shook my head. "Nah, it's fine. You two go back to doing what you were doing. I'll go by myself."

"No," Ryleigh spoke up, shaking her head. "You two go on. I really _should_ start packing up my own stuff. Besides, today marks a momentous occasion, James. Celebrate it with your cousin."

I looked at her in both surprise and gratitude. "Y'know, Carver, I might actually miss you when you move to France."

"Y'know, James," she said, smiling up at me, "I might actually miss you, too."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I knew I had missed flying but I hadn't realized how much until I was soaring across the sky with the widest of smiles on my face. I was convinced I'd be shaky but the moment I kicked off, it was like the past eight weeks on ground hadn't gone by at all. I was making all of my turns, diving at the right times, grabbing the quaffle as if my life depended on it and even though my life _didn't_ depend on it, it felt good to know that I was going to be ready for open tryouts in a week's time.

It was hours before I planted my feet back on the ground again, wiping the heavy sweat off my brow as Fred joined me seconds later.

"It's possible you looked better up there today than ever before," Fred spoke as he reached for the water bottles we brought and poured half of one over his head.

"It's possible I felt better up there today than ever before," I echoed, grabbing the water bottle out of his hand before he wasted it all and took a large drink.

"We should celebrate."

My eyebrow arched. "Yeah? What did you have in mind?"

He shrugged, grabbing his foot and pulling it upward to stretch out his hamstring. "What do you say we hit up the Leaky Cauldron and see how long it takes before AJ tosses us out?"

I let out a quiet chuckle but it faded before it ever really began. "I think it's best if I steer clear of that place for a while."

Based on the hesitant look on Fred's face, I had a suspicion he had brought up the Leaky Cauldron to see exactly what my thoughts on it were.

"You won't have to for much longer," he said in an attempt to sound casual but the stiffness in his tone told me his words were calculated. "She won't be there soon enough."

I turned to him sharply. "What? Where is she going?" I asked in a slightly panicked voice. I knew he was hoping to elicit a reaction out of me and I was feeding right into his hands but I didn't care. The idea of Alice just being gone was categorically gut-wrenching.

He grabbed the water bottle back and took a drink. He was stalling in hopes of riling me up and it was working. "She's going to spend a few months traveling. It's what she's always really wanted to do and her father and sister gave her a nice chunk of change as a graduation present so she feels like now is the time to do it."

Traveling the world was something that Alice always had talked about in imagination only. It had always been a quiet dream of hers, something she never really thought she'd do, and I couldn't help but think about the last conversation we had where she essentially told me that she wrote to the Cannons on my behalf and not hers because she was still figuring out what she wanted her own dreams to be.

All because I had accused her of going after dreams in her mother's interest instead of her own.

I didn't know whether to feel guilty about that or feel grateful that she was finally going after what she wanted.

I'd probably feel a lot more grateful if she wasn't picking her life up and leaving.

Not that I gave her much of a choice.

"Good for her," I spoke softly, thought whether I actually felt that way was still undetermined.

He shot me a look. "You don't mean that," he sighed. "I cannot imagine that you are just okay with her taking off and leaving you behind."

I glanced up towards the sky with my own sigh. "I was the one who left her behind, Fred."

He opened his mouth but said nothing, collecting his thoughts carefully. I could feel his eyes studying me but I focused on stretching out my limbs so as not to look at the sadness in his eyes.

"I always thought you two crazy kids would find a way back to one another," he eventually spoke, his words soft with reluctance. "But that's not going to happen, is it?"

A lump formed in my throat and I washed it down with a large gulp of water. "Sometimes, I think about what the future looks like. I think about five years from now and I fantasize about looking her up again after the pain of our demise is sufficiently in the past. I think about what I might say, what she might say, and I think about us starting a friendship up again. And I think about the possibility of it going somewhere new. Of embracing forgiveness and looking ahead to the kind of happiness I know we both deserve, the kind of happiness I think we could have again. One day."

The sadness in his eyes was still there as I glanced over at him. "You're really going to wait five years to say all the things she deserves to hear now?"

He had asked that question several times before and I had never really known how to answer but now I did. "She deserves to live her best life. And I failed to give her that," I spoke softly. "But maybe traveling the world will."

He looked at me and I could tell he disagreed. "If you ask me, she's just running away."

I shook my head, my last conversation with Alice once again creeping into my thoughts. "If you ask me, she's spent the last eighteen years running away," I contemplated. "Maybe now she's finally running towards something."

He looked surprised by my words and I think it dawned on him what I was trying to say which made me think that whatever conversations he had been having with Alice, she happened to finally mention exactly what I had said to her about chasing after her mother's shadow.

His next words confirmed it.

"So basically, this is your fault," he spoke bluntly.

My eyebrow shot up. "Come again?"

"You told her everything she's ever done was for her mother's sake and not her own and now she wants to travel the world to find herself," he scoffed. "Was that your big plan all along? Find a way to get her out of Britain so you didn't have to see a reminder of all the things you did wrong with her?"

His voice was laced with mocking sarcasm but I could tell there was a small part of him that actually wanted an answer to his question, feeling as if there was a piece of the puzzle he was missing, something I wasn't telling him, that there was a reason I was appearing so fine about all of this.

I wasn't fine. But one day, I'd find a way to be.

"I don't need to see her to be reminded of all that I did wrong," I spoke softly.

He looked unsatisfied with that answer. "And yet, you forced her out of the country," he drawled.

"She wants to go, Fred," I pleaded. "Let her go."

He stared at me in disbelief. "Oh, sure, because you're the expert on letting Alice Longbottom go."

No, I definitely wasn't. But I didn't wish my life of regrets on anyone.

"Why do you want her to stay so badly?" I prodded. "It's not like you'll be around much longer."

"I'm not saying I want her to stay," he sighed. "I think traveling the world could do her some good. It's what she's wanted for years, she just never thought it could ever realistically happen. And now it can. I'm happy for her."

I knew my cousin well enough to know he was not about to leave it at that. "But?"

He met my gaze, his eyes coated with a sudden intensity. "But she didn't do this because of some dream or goal she had," he drawled. "She did this because you decided to force an identity crisis on her. She's not going because of herself, she's going because of you."

Ouch.

I turned away from him. "It's what she's always wanted," I deflected. "So who cares why she's doing it?"

I could feel his eyes of incredulous disbelief staring at me out of the corner of my eye. " _You should_ ," he snapped. "You've been going on and on about how guilty you feel for hurting her but do you even really know exactly what it is you did that hurt her?"

"I was there when I broke her heart so yeah, I'd like to think I know."

Fred shook his head. "This isn't just about breaking her heart or her spirit or her trust, James. Your words hurt her but not because they were harsh and painful and unsympathetic, even though they were. Your words hurt because they made her question herself. They made her think that her life was a life. They made her rethink every single decision that she ever made. They made her believe the worst in herself. _That's_ what really hurt her. It's not that she hates you for what you said, James. It's that she hates herself for not being able to ignore it."

If that was intended to make me feel worse than I already did, it succeeded. I was trying to get her to walk away from me, not from herself.

Who knew I could make a bigger mess out of things than I thought I already had?

So much of me wanted to charge over to the Leaky Cauldron and beg Alice to ignore everything I had said, to tell her all of the wonderful things about her in order to counteract the bad things I had said, to make her feel whole again, to make her understand how truly great she was.

The other part of me knew that that was no longer my place.

"I never meant for her to question herself," I spoke softly. "But only she can find the answers. I can't do it for her. Just like she can't fix my problems anymore, I can't fix hers either. Maybe once upon a time, we thought we could. But we are two completely different people than we used to be. And that's okay. People drift apart as they grow up for a reason. What we once could find in each other we now need to find in ourselves."

Fred looked at me and I saw reluctance staring back at me, as if he knew I was right whether he wanted me to be or not. "You almost sound happy for her," he spoke curiously. "I was kidding before about you wanting to get rid of her but now I'm starting to wonder."

I rolled my eyes. "If this is what she wants, what she needs, then yeah, I am happy for her."

He paused. "What about what you want?"

I frowned and stole a glance his way, somewhat annoyed by the hopeful look on his face. "What I want _is_ for her to be happy. Even if it's not with me."

His eyes narrowed. "You're back to believing she deserves better than you, aren't you."

I met his gaze. "I'm not sure I ever stopped believing that."

He sighed and turned away from me. "You are never going to forgive yourself for any of this, are you."

Doubtful.

"Maybe one day when it isn't all so fresh in my mind," I lied.

The sigh that fell from his mouth told me he didn't believe me. But I was grateful when he said nothing more, simply offering me a reluctant nod, one that no longer held any pleading or bitterness. So maybe, just maybe, he was finally beginning to accept the end of Alice and me.

One day, maybe I would, too.

I clapped him on the shoulder. "I don't know about you but I could really go for a shower."

"Aw, the invitation is sweet, James, but I prefer to shower alone," he teased, shoving me away. Pausing, he added, "Or with Ryleigh. Hm, I wonder if she's done packing for the day."

I elbowed him in the side with a laugh as we said our goodbyes and went our separate ways.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

There were a lot more people at open tryouts the following Saturday than I had anticipated. Players from all around the world were gathered in that Scottish stadium to try to show an entire stand full of recruiters that this was what they were meant to do. I recognized a few older students that had graduated from Hogwarts previously and nodded my acknowledgment towards them. Callum Finch had the audacity to be there and it took everything in me to just ignore him. I was pleased to see Kye there as unexpected as it was. I recalled a conversation we had before the year even started in which she reminded me that it was rare for girls to be chosen as beaters on professional teams and she wasn't looking to deal with the rejection.

"Harpies are looking for an alternate beater," she explained to me. "I figure I might have an actual shot."

"Are you kidding?" I blurted out. "They'd be lucky to have you."

She cracked a smile. "Any team you looking to impress today?"

"Any of them that will have me?" I chuckled sheepishly.

She rolled her eyes. "After they all see you play, they're all going to want you, Potter."

I smiled in appreciation of the unexpected compliment but it only added a swarm of butterflies in the pit of my stomach so I changed the subject. "How are things with Dash going?"

The smile that spread across her face was almost nauseating. "How girly would it sound of me to say he's bloody perfect?"

I made a face. "It probably wouldn't make a good impression if I just hurled all over the grass right now, would it?"

She laughed but didn't have the chance to respond as several whistles were blown signaling the beginning of tryouts.

I took that time to glance towards the stands to take in the six bleachers full of recruiters. I immediately noticed Alistair Hartman chatting with their defensive recruiter and my heart began to race. I hadn't heard anything more from him since our last conversation but no announcement or even speculation had been made regarding an offer for their open chaser position (believe me, I scoured the sports section of the _Prophet_ every day and I would have asked my mother if she had heard any rumors but I was still hiding the fact that the Cannons had said they were interested in me) so I took that to be a good sign.

As I moved around on that broom, zooming through the air, ducking bludgers, catching the quaffle mid-air, I felt stronger than ever even though I had been down for eight weeks. We spent a couple of hours running standard drills and I took that time to scope out my competition. I ignored Callum completely because while he, too, was trying out for chaser, I knew he didn't have the speed or the agility that I did, as arrogant as that made me sound. And besides that, his name along with Brooks Pruitt's name had been splashed across the front pages of all news outlets for their expulsion and the reason behind it. So to say I was worried about Callum being competition would be a flatout lie.

I felt as if I outshined most of the other candidates, and I proved that when we went from running drills into several small scrimmages and I scored nearly every quaffle I tossed at the hoops. No one else even came close to the numbers of goals I made. I gave it my all. I gave it my everything. Because I knew that this was my last chance and I didn't want to blow it.

And evidently, I didn't because as open tryouts came to a close and the entire swarm full of candidates headed towards the showers, someone tapped me on the shoulder. Turning around, I saw an older gentleman that I didn't recognize but based on the logo on his cloak, I assumed he worked for the Moutohora Macaws.

As I shook his hand, I noticed Alistair Hartman a few feet away looking at me curiously.

"James Potter," the older gentleman spoke. "My name is Jacobi Michaelson and I'm the chief offensive recruiter for the Moutohora Macaws. And we have a proposition for you…"

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

My initial instinct was to go home and tell my parents the news. But when I apparated back to England, it wasn't my home I found myself standing outside of. It was Alice's.

My broom was still in my hands and it suddenly felt very heavy as I stared up at the fading letters of "The Leaky Cauldron" on the swinging sign above my head. I didn't know what I was doing there. I had meant it when I told Fred it was probably best for me to steer clear of the pub, and Alice, for a while. But I kept thinking about Alice packing up and leaving, if even for a short time, and I knew I would hate myself for not saying the words "goodbye" to her. They had been implied in several of our last few conversations but never said outright and I wanted one of our conversations to end on a good note, a hopeful one, so that we could both just move on with our lives.

And that is perhaps the only reason I pushed the door open and wandered inside.

She was behind the bar chatting to a familiar face, one that unfortunately belonged to Fred for I knew he was going to give me a hard time for this later.

At the sound of the bell dinging above the door, she looked up and did a quick double-take, the smile on her face fading into a frown of curiosity.

My eyes met hers and I slowly made my way over to her, ignoring the clear amusement on Fred's face.

"Shouldn't you be finishing packing?" I drawled at him. "You're leaving in less than week."

"I know," he said with a shrug. "Hence why I'm saying my goodbyes."

I stared at him briefly before slowly migrating my eyes towards where Alice stood. "Funny," I spoke curiously, "I'm here to do the exact same thing."

Fred looked confused for a moment before he realized he wasn't talking about me leaving but Alice and a loud groan fell from his lips. But before he could say anything, I grabbed ahold of his shoulder and said, "Could you give us a minute?"

He looked like that was the last thing he wanted to do but with a growl, he slid off the barstool and shuffled off to an open table nearby, close enough so that he could clearly keep an eye on us.

"How were open tryouts?" Alice asked before I could say a word.

I gaped at her. "You remembered open tryouts were today?"

She pointed to my broom. "That broom of yours remembered for me."

Oh right.

"Well," I spoke hesitantly, "I'd imagine they went quite well since the Macaws offered me an alternate chaser position on their starting team."

Alice froze, her blue eyes sparkling with awe. "James," she said breathlessly, "That's…that's incredible. Congratulations."

"I turned them down."

She blinked once. Then again. And for a third time before saying, "I'm sorry, what did you say?"

I cracked a smile. "It was a good offer," I admitted and then I began to ramble, mostly because I had nothing else prepared. "A really good offer. I thought if anything came from today it would be for a reserve team and here's a team offering me an alternate position on their current roster. It may not mean I'd get to play much this year or even next but it does mean if I did play, it'd be at the professional level. And in a year or two, once a spot opens up, it could be mine. And the Macaws are an excellent team. Made the playoffs easily. Only lost two games in their regular season. Nearly got to the finals."

She was staring at me with a look of dumbfounded confusion. "And yet you said no," she drawled. "Care to fill in a few blanks for me?"

It took me a long time to respond but when I did, the words were coming straight from the heart. "I spent a lot of time hating everyone and everything. I wanted to be anywhere but here, wanted to be anyone but my father's son. I wanted to go to Australia or South America and blend in instead of stand out. But then everything fell apart. Right before it all started to fall back into place again. I'm finally getting my life back. And I want that life to be here. I want to rebuild the relationships I failed. I want to appreciate Great Britain as my home again. I don't want to lose myself in Quidditch, I just want to love it again. I want to be me. I want to be happy being both the James and the Potter in me. I think I'm finally exactly where I need to be."

I couldn't completely read her expression but I could have sworn I saw pride staring back at me. "Even if you won't be playing Quidditch?"

"Oh, I imagine I will be," I said offhandedly. "Since after I turned down the Macaws' offer, Alistair Hartman offered me the starting chaser position for the Chudley Cannons."

There was a beat of silence that lasted far longer than I had hoped for before the shock made its way into Alice's eyes. "You…you got the open starting position on the Cannons?"

I smiled and nodded.

The shock turned into genuine glee. "Holy Hufflepuff, that's incredible. _Congratulations_!" she squealed sincerely and for a split second, the way she jerked forward had me thinking she was going to hug me, but she stopped herself just short of doing so, instead just shaking her head as if she couldn't believe it.

Then again, neither could I.

Mr. Hartman had said that it took all of fifteen minutes before he was convinced they needed me on their team. I had stood there, dumbfounded, as he handed me the offer letter his assistant had drafted in the stands during the open tryouts. All I could do was stare at it, tracing my name at the top and rereading the team name, the Chudley Cannons, over and over again until it felt real. And once it did, once I realized that that was actually happening, I had looked up at the offensive recruiter and said, "Looks like you've got yourself a starting chaser."

And looking across the bar, I knew that it never would have happened without Alice.

"You know that this wouldn't have been possible without you, right?" I blurted out. "I wouldn't have gotten that position without your recommendation to the Cannons."

She shook her head. "You would have," she urged.

I shrugged. "I wouldn't have but thank you for saying that," I argued. "They didn't request my recordings or even read my letters until you wrote to them. I might have had the talent but without you, I wouldn't have had the exposure."

She shook her head. "The Macaws wanted you without my help. And I guarantee there were other teams who would have gladly offered you a position if the Cannons hadn't beat them to it," she argued, a quiet smile perching on her lips. "You are going to do great things, James Potter. You were born for this. I hope you know how proud I am of you."

She had no idea how much that meant to me. "For the first time in my life, I think I'm finally proud of me, too."

Our eyes met and even though there was a world of history standing in between us, there was also a world of good memories that I knew I'd keep safe to my heart as we went our separate ways.

"So when do you leave?" I asked.

She looked surprised at the question but the realization quickly settled in. "Fred told you?"

I nodded.

She glanced over at him just a few tables away and I followed her gaze. He suddenly became very invested in the grain of the table in front of him. Rolling her eyes, she glanced back at me and said, "Six days."

My heart skipped a beat. "And where are you headed first?"

She looks reluctant to share but eventually said, "Paris. And then I think I'll take a side trip to Flannery to visit Fred and Ryleigh. They should be settled in by then."

I nodded in a mere daze. I could feel our conversation winding down and it filled my heart with dread for even though I knew this moment would come, the idea of actually saying goodbye to her felt numbing.

"Ironic, isn't it?" she said, breaking me away from my thoughts.

My brow furrowed. "What is?"

She said nothing at first, her eyes somehow piercing straight through me with a world of conflicting emotions. "You were the one that wanted to travel halfway across the world to find yourself and I was the one who thought I needed to stay here," she said eventually, her words coming out slowly and calculatingly. "And now you're the one staying and I'm the one leaving."

My heart ached at the reminder and before I could stop myself, I blurted out, "I hope you're not leaving because of me."

She stared at me, stunned. "What?"

I cringed. "I-I just mean that I hope that whatever I said to you didn't change the way you viewed the world or your future. I never meant to make you question yourself."

Her expression softened. "I'm not leaving because of you, James. I'm leaving thankfulto you," she spoke softly.

I blinked. "What?"

The edges of her right lip turned upward in gratitude. "Traveling the world had always been a dream of mine but I always thought that that'd be it. A dream," she said hesitantly. "But you gave me the courage to go after the things that I wanted, not the things I thought others wanted for me. You gave me the strength to believe in myself. So here I am, finally just doing something for me."

So by telling her that she always chasing after her mother's shadow, she was now chasing her dreams. I'm sure there was something rather poetic about that but I was too busy focusing on the part where she was leaving to see anything close to elegance.

"I don't know whether to say sorry or thank you," I said cracking a smile.

She met my gaze and said, "How about just goodbye?"

That single word sent a jolt of pain straight to my heart. I looked at her, her periwinkle eyes filled with so much hope and appreciation and I didn't know if it was directed at her future or me but either way, my heart filled with so much gratitude and sadness for the girl standing in front of me.

"Of all the people in my life I forced myself to say goodbye to, I never once thought you'd be one of them," I whispered.

She paused before saying, "Of all the people I've been forced to say goodbye to, this one might be the hardest."

I thought of her mother and her grandmother and wondered if she was just flattering me.

But then she said, "Because when I was forced to say those goodbyes to my mother and my grandmother, you were there to pick up the pieces. You were there to hold my hand and dance it out and make me smile. And now you won't be. You're going to walk out that door and I'm going to watch you and that's going to be really hard. I'm going to cry and it won't be your shoulder I do it on. My heart is going to hurt and you won't be there to make it feel better. I'm going to need to smile and it won't be you giving me a reason to. We used to be best friends, James. And now we're just…we're nothing. And I think that's what hurts most of all. It's not the heartbreak or the unforgiveness or the mistrust. It's the fact that I lost my best friend. The person who was always there for me will no longer be there. And that's the hardest thing to say goodbye to."

I could tell that she was fighting tears and it only caused unexpected tears to prickle the back of my eyes, which was sad in its own right but seemed sadder when you thought about the fact that we were very much out in the open in a public restaurant.

The last thing I wanted to do was say goodbye but that was the only thing left _to_ say. Despite how we might have felt about each other, despite all the good that was once there, the one thing that was standing in our way of one day getting all of that back was forgiveness. She couldn't forgive me, and I couldn't forgive myself, so there we stood on opposite sides of an invisible, and yet very palpable, line.

"I know," I whispered breathlessly, blinking furiously to stop the tears from falling. "But I also know that goodbye is all we have left."

She met my gaze in both surprise and confusion at those words, her eyes growing unexpectedly suspicious. But whatever she was skeptical or dubious about, she didn't say. She just turned away with a sigh and all she said was, "Yeah."

Silence fell over us one more time until I said the only words left to say.

"Goodbye, Alice," I whispered, the words trembling against my tongue.

She looked back at me, a fresh coat of tears blurring across her eyes. "Goodbye, Jay.

 _Jay_.

If I wasn't so heartbroken I might have appreciated the old nickname.

There was nothing more to say so I turned on my heel and headed towards the door, headed towards the next journey of my life, headed towards whatever the future might hold for me. She was ready to embrace the world and I was ready to embrace my Quidditch calling. We had said our final goodbyes and were on our way to letting go of the past.

So I pushed open the door and walked out of the pub, finally looking forward instead of just looking back.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Dad thought I was somebody else on polyjuice potion when I asked him if it would be possible to summon the entire family together, or at least as many that were available, that night for a last-minute family dinner. I knew the press release from the Cannons would be hitting the papers in the morning and I wanted them to all find out from me.

I wouldn't tell him what had happened, insisting I wait until the rest of the family arrived, which irritated him as he spent two hours hoarding me with endless questions that had me throwing a dozen pillows at his head.

When Mum came barreling through the back door, a look of incredulous awe on her face, I only then remembered that she was the damned sports editor for the _Daily Prophet_.

Oops.

" _You are a dead man, James Potter_!" she barked at me as she interrupted the current argument I was having with Dad in the kitchen.

"Er, and a good evening to you, too, Mum," I said with a sheepish grin.

"Gin, what's going on?" Dad asked, concerned.

She ignored him, her glare still fixated on me. " _How the hell could you let me learn about your starting position on the Cannons through a press release instead of directly from my own son_!?"

I winced. "To be fair, I forgot that you'd be the one receiving that press-"

"Your starting _what_ on _WHO_?"

I cowered at Dad's shriek and glanced over at him sheepishly. "Oh, did I forget to mention that the Cannons offered me the starting chaser position on next year's roster?"

His mouth dropped open and all he could do was stare at me.

Chuckling, I said to Mum, "I think I broke him."

She decided to use that time to smack me in the back of the head.

" _Ow_!" I whimpered, rubbing the spot where she hit me. "Uh, hi, getting over a concussion here!"

"You already got over that," she spoke flatly.

"What the hell is going on here?"

All three of us looked up as Lily wandered into the kitchen, bewildered, followed by an equally confused Albus.

"Family dinner tonight," I said. "Mandatory for you two so don't even think about backing out."

Lily blinked. " _You_ are advocating for a family dinner?" she drawled. "Are we sure you're over that concussion?"

"Tell them why," Mum said to me, her hands planted firmly on her hips. "Tell them why you want this family dinner, James Sirius."

"Ooh, first and last name. This is serious," Albus smirked.

I rolled my eyes and glanced towards my siblings' inquisitive looks. "Open tryouts were today."

Both Lily and Albus looked surprised. "And you went?" the former said.

I nodded.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Albus questioned.

I shrugged. "In case nothing came from it, I didn't want to get anyone's hopes up," I urged. Pausing, I said, "Okay, really, I didn't want to get my own hopes up. But apparently I worried for nothing."

Lily and Albus' eyes turned eager. "Oh?" Lily said hopefully. "You got an offer?"

My smile spread widely across my face. "I got _the_ offer," I spoke breathlessly. Looking between them, I said, "You're looking at the newest starting chaser for the Chudley Cannons."

Albus' mouth dropped. Lily's eyes widened.

"I think I might have broke them, too," I said to Mum with a chuckle.

"You're a Cannon?" Albus repeated slowly.

"I am."

"You're not joking?" Lily added.

"I am not."

More silence followed until – "Holy Hufflepuff, I have a brother on the Cannons!" Lily squealed, unexpectedly charging towards me and lunging at me.

I nearly toppled backwards as she embraced me. "Whoa there, could we not try to injure me before the season even starts?" I laughed.

"Dammit, does this mean I have to start rooting for them?" Lily groaned as she took a step back.

"Ooh, that's a tough one," Mum mused. "Harpies might still be my number one."

"Gee, thanks, Mum," I laughed.

"I'm still mad at you," she huffed.

"For what?" I groaned.

" _For not telling me yourself_ ," she whined. "Did you know I had to call up Alistair Hartman myself to make sure his press release wasn't completely bogus? He found it quite amusing that my own son didn't tell me, _the freaking sports editor of the freaking Prophet_ , about his amazing Quidditch opportunity!"

I chuckled nervously, ignoring the laughs that were falling from Lily's and Albus' lips at my expense. "I'm sorry!" I urged. "I was going to tell the entire family tonight at the dinner I'm forcing Dad to host last-minute."

"You were going to tell your own parents at the same time as everyone else?" Dad groaned. "That makes me feel so unspecial."

"You're Harry Potter, savior of the wizarding world. You're hardly unspecial," I teased.

He narrowed his eyes at me. "I'm so grounding you."

" _What_!? For what!?"

"Uh, how about for not immediately seeking out your parents to tell them that their son is going to be a world-famous Quidditch player, smash records everywhere, make a whole boatload of money, and then proceed to take care of his aging parents with said money when they grow old and sickly."

I couldn't tune out Lily or Albus' laughs anymore as I turned to stare at them. "Are you hearing this?" I sighed. "I mean, they really think _I'm_ going to be the one to take care of them in their old age? That's just crazy talk."

"Dammit, it's going to be me, isn't it," Albus groaned and that just set Lily and I off.

"I'm not sure I love all this talk about me growing old and sickly," Mum murmured.

"Oh, you'll never be old, Gin," Dad said, leaning over to kiss her.

"Ew," I murmured.

"Gross," Lily shuddered.

"Get a room," whined Albus.

Mum and Dad predictably just rolled their eyes.

"So are we actually having a last-minute dinner tonight with the family?" Mum questioned.

Dad nodded. "The cavalry arrives in two hours."

The two of them smiled and before I knew what was happening, I was unexpected flanked by the both of them. "Aargh, can't breathe!" I groaned as Mum crushed my right side and Dad crushed my left.

"I can't believe you're going to be a Cannon," Mum whispered into my ear, the smile on her face as wide as they came. "I am so incredibly proud of you."

Dad nodded and released me before saying, "Ditto to what your mother said. I suppose you're ungrounded."

"Now on to the really important question," Mum commented curiously.

"What's my salary?" I teased.

"No, I was more thinking, when the hell are you planning to move out?"

My brother and sister howled with laughter once again and all I could do was shake my head with all the amusement I could muster. "I'm being grounded and thrown out of the house all in under ten minutes," I sighed. "Let's hope the reactions of the rest of the family are far better than yours."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

They were.

Uncle Ron couldn't believe a member of his own family was going to be a Cannon and Aunt Hermine told me how proud she was of me. Rose did an embarrassing jig. Grandmum and Granddad told me they'd be buying out the Cannons merchandise shop. Dominique's mouth hung open for most of dinner. Uncle George and Aunt Angelina immediately dove into a conversation about the team's stats. Louis told me he wasn't giving me preferential treatment when he announces our matches. Roxanne told me I deserved it and that I better watch out, she was planning to join the professional Quidditch world when she graduated. Hugo told me he wasn't surprised, that he expected it all along. Teddy told me how pleased he was that I decided to stay in England. Dora had no idea what was going on and thought we were all there to celebrate her birthday, which wasn't for another two months. Fred told me I better score him season tickets. And Dad, Mum, Lily and Albus just sat at the head of the table, beaming.

It was perfect.

Well, almost.

I had said my goodbyes to Alice but that didn't mean I could forget about her altogether. That entire night, through the squeals and the cheers and the laughter and the toasts, I couldn't help but think that Alice should be there by my side celebrating with us all. This wasn't just my dream, it belonged to her, too. She had made it possible. She had been the one to make my dreams come true. So as I thanked my family members for supporting me, for putting up with everything I've ever said and done to them, for sticking by me even when I didn't always deserve it, for loving me when I needed it most, I knew that there was only really one person I should have been speaking those words to. The same person who I may never speak another word to at all.

When we all separated later that night after hours of celebrating, I hit up the Dragon's Lair with Fred, Rose, Albus, Louis, and Teddy. Word soon got out and by midnight, Reese and Jax had shown up, followed quickly by Dash, Kye, and Ryleigh.

"So I'm assuming everyone knows by now?" asked Kye with a coy smile as she looked over at me with a raised eyebrow.

I chuckled and nodded. "Yeah, everyone knows."

"Knows what?" Ryleigh asked.

I glanced at her. "Okay, maybe not everyone."

"How does Kye know?" Fred interrupted curiously.

"She was at open tryouts, too," I explained.

"What does Kye know?" Ryleigh questioned.

"Oh, she was, was she?" Fred smirked, glancing over at the former Hufflepuff Captain.

Kye's cheeks turned a light shade of pink. "Er…yeah, Harpies are looking for a beater alternate."

"You'll get it," I urged for I knew that the Harpies hadn't yet made a decision.

She shrugged. "Tonight isn't about me, it's about the Cannons new starting chaser," she said with a grin, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively at me.

While we all broke out into wolf-whistles and cheers, Jax and Ryleigh and Reese all stood there dumbfounded. " _You_?" the latter sputtered.

"Don't look so surprised, Baby Girl," I laughed.

A goofy grin broke out across Reese's face. "Oh, hell, I suppose this means I'll have to start actually rooting for the Cannons."

"Or whatever team they're playing against," Teddy smirked, holding up his drink.

I shot him a glare. "Don't you have a pregnant wife who is about two seconds away from popping out a baby?"

He hesitated. "I should probably be at home, shouldn't I…" he mused.

I clapped him on the back. "Nah, celebrating your godbrother should always come first, T."

His eyebrow shot up into his forehead. "Before my pregnant wife who is about two seconds away from popping out a baby?"

I grinned sheepishly. "Yeah, maybe you should go home."

He laughed and finished off his drink. "I'm real proud of you, kiddo. Can't wait to devote myself to the Cannons in their upcoming season. Congratulations again. You deserve it."

He clapped me on the back with a smile and disappeared towards the exit.

"He's right, you know," Fred said with a shrug. "You do deserve this. I know you took a very long and winding path to get here but-"

"Who cares how I got here as long as I got here?" I finished for him.

He smiled. "Exactly."

It hit me then how often I had taken Fred for granted. Alice had always been the person I turned to in times of turmoil and sadness and tragedy but that didn't mean that Fred also wasn't there to help me through it. Alice and I might have been parting ways but I was so lucky, and would always be grateful, to know that that I still had Fred standing by my side rooting for me in my every endeavor.

I was definitely going to miss him once he moved to France.

Just don't tell him I said that.

"Thanks, Freddo," I said softly. "For…well, everything."

He looked surprised at the declaration but just held up his drink and said, "Anytime, Jameso."

Ryleigh cleared her throat. "Er…did you two boys need a private moment?" she smirked.

I shot her a look. "What I need is another drink," I chuckled, climbing out of my chair and heading towards the crowded bar.

I glanced back over at the table filled with my family and friends and knew just how lucky I was to have them all in my life. I spent a lot of years complaining about my life and pushing so many people away and convincing myself I was alone but I wasn't. I had people. I had friends. I had support. And I had love. I spent eighteen years pushing so many good people away and now all I wanted to do was hold on to them for dear life as long as they would have me.

Maybe I hadn't always been there for them but I was here now. And I wasn't planning on going anywhere.

England didn't always feel like home.

But now it finally did.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Two days later, there was a knock on my bedroom door. And who was standing behind it came as a huge surprise.

"AJ," I greeted awkwardly.

She nodded at me. "I can't remember the last time I've been upstairs in your house."

"And yet, here you are," I said with a frown. "Uh, why exactly?"

She glanced over my shoulder and when I followed her gaze, I saw her staring at my broomstick. "Heard about the Cannons. That's huge for you."

I stared at her. "You did not come all the way over here to talk to me about the Cannons so why don't you just yell at me or scold me or chew me out or hex me or whatever it is you came over here to do."

She looked back at me, her eyebrow raised. "You think I came over here to yell at you?"

"I think I broke your sister's heart and I can't imagine you're too happy with me about that and yet I haven't heard a single peep out of you since it happened."

The usual hardness behind her eyes softened. "Yeah, you broke her heart," she murmured, "But she also wouldn't be traveling the world in four days if it weren't for you."

I blinked. "You're…glad that she's going?" I asked, dumbfounded. "Just a few months ago, that was the last thing you wanted."

AJ sighed. "Alice has wanted to see the world her entire life. But she never thought it would be possible. She assumed she'd take over the inn or she'd go off and play Quidditch or she'd become the Minister of Magic one day all right here in our very own backyard. I don't think she felt trapped here, she just felt safe. Too safe. But she deserves better than safe. She deserves to have dreams and to follow them. For the first time in her entire life, she's finally just doing something for herself. And while yes, you went about telling her to just think about herself for once in the incredibly wrong way and don't think I'm not pissed off about that, you also somehow gave her the push to see her own dreams through. So while I will never particularly like you, I also don't think I can hate you."

I was dumbfounded by the unexpected words of respect coming from AJ and there was so much I wanted to question, to defend, to say. Alice was the one who made my own dreams possible so I guess it wasn't terribly farfetched to assume that I could be the one to make hers possible, too. Only, I really wasn't. I said terrible things to her that made her rethink her entire life. She was still trying to figure out her dreams. But when she does, she will be the one to make them possible. Not me. At that point, I will no longer be relevant to her.

If I wasn't already.

"What are you doing here, AJ?" I sighed. "Because I can't imagine you're here to just say thank you."

"Did you hear me say the words 'thank you' at all?" she drawled. "No. And you will be waiting a very long time if you think I ever will."

I somehow managed to suppress the urge to roll my eyes. "Then once again I ask, _what are you doing here_?"

She sighed, turning away from me wistfully. "We are throwing Alice a huge surprise going away party tomorrow night and I was hoping to give her a scrapbook of old photos and memorabilia she can take with her on her travels. I had a feeling you might be able to provide me with some of those."

My entire bedroom _was_ a scrapbook of Alice photos and memorabilia. Glancing around, I saw her in nearly every corner of my room, her sketches staring back at me, photos of her and us scattered around, old notes we used to pass in class and old Quidditch match ticket stubs and old Quidditch equipment lined the walls.

Sighing, I turned back towards AJ. "Do you honestly think she'd want a reminder of any of this?"

She paused. "I think for every painful memory she has of you, she has about a thousand good ones to go along with it. So why not give her a reminder of the good times you shared so that she doesn't just have to live with the bad ones?"

My mouth parted at those very significant and poignant words, words that I appreciated more than I even thought I could. There was a few minutes of cruelty at the very end but before it, there was eighteen years of fun and laughter and friendship. I had an entire roomful of memories, of notes and paintings and souvenirs and keepsakes and photos, that proved our friendship had meant something. And Alice deserved to be able to look back on us and feel warmth in her heart so as not to just feel pain.

"Okay," I said softly.

Now, it was just a matter of going through it all.

And hopefully, not crying.

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I didn't cry. I mostly smiled and laughed and instead of feeling heartbroken at the memories, I felt grateful. And I just hoped that Alice would feel the same.

"Er…what are you doing?"

I looked up as Fred perched in my doorway, staring in bewilderment at the mess that was on my floor. I had torn down all of the keepsakes and photos and was going through them one-by-one. I had piles and piles of photographs and paintings and sketches and old scribbled notes, letting myself relive each of them separately. My floor had become a museum and I was the curator.

"Do you remember when we went searching through the streets for Muggle money and then rode our bikes into town to buy that awful rock candy that turned our mouths blue so of course when we returned home, Mum and Dad knew immediately that something was up?" I chuckled, holding up a photo of Fred, Alice, and I sticking out our blue tongues.

He blinked, staring at the photo and then at m. "Should I be concerned for your health? Are you going through concussion symptoms again? Or are you just drunk? High? On some sort of drug or potion?"

I rolled my eyes. "Gee, a guy asks a simple question."

Fred's eyebrow popped up but he didn't question it, instead pulling the photo out of my hands and staring at our seven-year-old selves. "Your dad couldn't believe that you just wandered down Muggle Main Street and handed some store clerk a handful of change without managing to completely breach the International Statute of Secrecy."

"I like to think we were suave."

"I like to think the store clerk just wanted the three boisterous seven-year-olds out of his shop before they somehow took down an entire shelf with their sugar-driven rambunctiousness."

I paused. "Yeah, that scenario sounds far more likely."

He chuckled and handed me back the photo to which I said, "Do you remember when we spent all third year writing notes back and forth in History of class to see who could get caught first by Binns?"

Fred stared at me, shaking his head curiously. "If I recall, none of us ever did."

"We could have gotten up on the table and did a whole tapdancing routine and he never would have noticed."

Fred didn't laugh, his eyes narrowing at me suspiciously. "Why the sudden trip down memory lane, James?"

"It's for AJ," I said with a shrug. Hesitating, "Well, really, it's for Alice but it's through AJ."

Fred stared at me. "Yeah, that pretty much explains nothing."

I cracked a smile. "AJ wanted to put together a scrapbook of photos and keepsakes throughout Alice's life that she can take with her on her travels. I'm compiling a few for her."

His eyebrow shot upward. "A _few_?" he repeated. "You look like you've torn apart your entire bedroom."

I just shrugged. "Yeah, well, I happen to have a lot of photos and keepsakes of Alice to sift through in order to get those 'few.'"

I could feel Fred's concerned and curious eyes on me but I turned my gaze towards the pile of photos so as not to acknowledge it.

"Need help?" he asked after a few moments of silence.

I looked up in surprise, having expected a further inquisition or at least a few words of trepidation, so I just smiled gratefully and said, "That'd be great."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Fred had a box of everything I thought Alice deserved to have in his hands and he was heading out the door but he stopped in the doorway. Turning around, he asked. "Why are you doing this?"

I wasn't at all surprised that he finally asked me that question. "She deserves to keep a little piece of home with her while she goes traveling to all of those exotic places."

His lips pursed. "And here I thought you were convinced you were no longer part of her life."

"I'm not" I was quick to argue. "But those keepsakes are. She should have some reminders of the good memories we had together and not just the bad ones."

He looked unconvinced. I had a feeling his earlier concern was about to be revealed to me. "You tell me that you've said your goodbyes, that you've gone your separate ways, that you both are learning to move on, but I'm standing here holding your entire friendship and relationship in my hands that you are now just handing over to her. That's not saying goodbye, James. That's saying 'please don't forget me because Merlin knows I'll never forget you.'"

I sighed. "It's just a box."

"It's a metaphor."

" _It's a box_ ," I urged. "Don't read anything into it."

He both surprised me and annoyed me by chuckling. "I'm not the one who's probably going to read into it."

I swiftly shook my head. "She won't. She's the one who doesn't know how to forgive me. It's not like this will change that."

He met my gaze. "And you're the one who doesn't know how to tell her that you love her."

I shrugged. "And now I'll just get to be the one who lives on through those memories," I said, nodding at the box. "AJ said Alice will be working the pub tonight so to go through the inn entrance so she doesn't see you."

"James-"

"Thanks for flipping through everything with me, Fred. I know most of it had to do with Alice but it was kinda fun taking a trip down memory lane with you, too."

" _James_ -"

"Don't forget about little ol' me in France, 'kay?"

Fred let out a reluctant sigh. "You can be so exasperating sometimes, y'know that?"

"I know. I'd like to think it's one of my greater qualities."

"I like to think it's one of your more annoying ones."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

Mum, Dad, Lily, and Albus went to Alice's goodbye party. I opted out. I wasn't actually invited, though I doubted that Alice would have kicked me out had I showed up. But she and I had already said our goodbyes and I didn't know if I could survive another.

Instead, I did what I did best and I trekked out to the open field behind my house to take to the skies. I circled through the air, looping in and out, taking swan dives and pulling up at the last minute. At times, I'd race through the sky and at other times, I'd slow down and just enjoy it. I breathed in the crisp air, embraced the wind in my hair, watched the colors of the sun set paint the sky, and wished upon the stars that soon followed. What I was wishing for was still very much a mystery.

I didn't have everything I wanted but I also didn't hate where I ended up. Soon, I'd be flying in a real professional stadium, two times the size of the Hogwarts one. That very thought was exhilarating and put a hopeful smile on my face. The future was coming quick and I no longer hated the very idea of that.

And if I still had Alice through it all, then my life might have actually felt perfect.

It didn't feel perfect. But for the first time in a long time, it felt okay.

"Why am I not surprised to find you here?"

The voice was muffled in the breezy air and yet I'd recognize it anywhere.

I glanced down at the grass where Alice stood smiling up at me.

My heart skipped a beat, as it almost always did every time I saw her, and I slowly steered my broom towards the ground, dismounting it and making my way towards her. "Isn't there a party being held in your honor right about now?"

She met my gaze and I could have sworn I saw a flicker of nervousness staring back at me. "You should be there."

My heart skipped yet another beat. Or maybe it just stopped altogether. "No, I shouldn't," I murmured. "We already said our goodbyes, Alice. Tonight should be about saying goodbye to the people who mean the most to you. I'm no longer one of those people."

She said nothing for a very long time. An uncomfortable tension erupted between us, one I was wary to navigate, but right before I ask her what she was doing there, she spoke again. "Do you remember the night you spoke to AJ on my behalf about my future? The night that your mother was in the hospital?"

I had no idea where she was going with this so I just nodded. "Yeah…"

She turned away, looking up to the sky wistfully. "Your mother was potentially dying, you were questioning your last conversation with her, afraid to read her letter, afraid to face your family, to face yourself, to face her, you were overwhelmed with stress and grief and guilt, and what did you do?" she spoke, partly to me and partly to herself. "You tried to talk some sense into my sister. You sought her out, told her all of the things she never gave me a chance to tell her myself, begged her to rethink some things, begged her to forgive me, to love me and accept me for who I wanted to be. Your life was falling apart around you, James, and instead of trying to fix it, you decided to try and fix mine. I was in awe at your selflessness. I was in awe of _you_. You put me first when you should have been thinking about yourself. You made me a priority. You chose my happiness over your own. And maybe a part of you was trying to distract yourself from your own problems, but I knew that so much of you had done that for me because even though you couldn't fix your own pain, you knew you could at least try and fix mine."

The memory of that night, specifically the memory of what happened between us that night, came flashing back at me like an unexpected tornado and nearly took my breath away. "What does this have to do with anything?" I choked out.

It took her a long time to respond until she finally turned to me with an intensity in her eyes I had never seen before. "It has to do with everything. Because that night, the way you looked at me, the way you kissed me, the way you touched me, _the way you made me feel so safe_ ," she whispered, "That was that night that I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I was hopelessly in love with you."

Her words took my breath away, the memory of our first night making love to each other creeping into my every thought. It had been a magical night. A night that should have been full of misery and grief and heartbreak and instead only solidified every feeling I had ever had for her. I had known in that moment, too, that I had loved her. Had nearly said it a few times, too. And maybe if I had, we wouldn't be where we are today. Maybe if I had just admitted the truth that rested deeply in my heart, if I had just gotten over my fears and insecurities and told her that I loved her, we wouldn't be so damaged today. But I always had taken longer to see what was in my heart. And sometimes, I saw it too late.

"That was a good night," I said in a choked whisper.

She met the tears in my eyes with some of her own. "Yeah," she whispered. "It was."

A slow and aching lump formed in my throat. I tried swallowing it but that only seemed to make it hurt more. "Why are you doing this?" I pleaded. "Why are you dredging up that night, Ace?"

The nickname just slipped out but I could see in her eyes it had an effect on her. She was wary through everything I said up until I spoke that name, our entire eighteen-year history wrapped up in a simple, three-letter nickname.

"Because you do mean something to me, James," she whispered in response to my earlier comment. "Maybe you mean the most. You shaped who I am today. You stood by my side through everything I have ever gone through. _You were always there_. My life wasn't just mine, it was _ours_. And I was standing in front of all those people tonight, thanking them for always being there for me and giving my life meaning, but the person that gave it the most meaning wasn't there. You should have been there, James. You're the one I should be thanking."

My breath hitched. "Thank me for what?" I blurted out. "For breaking your heart? For destroying everything we ever had together? For hurting you so easily the way I did? Why would I want you to have to say goodbye to that? Why would I want you to have to say goodbye to all the damage I caused? You deserved to say goodbye to all the people that made you happy tonight, not the one person who didn't."

Her eyes grew wary. "You knew how to make me happy," she spoke softly. "You always did."

I turned away from her. "Right before I didn't," I choked out. Trying to catch my breath, I shook my head slowly and said, "I made so many mistakes with you. I said all the wrong things at the wrong time and that will never not be the case. But you deserve to go off on your next journey without me hanging over your head, Alice. I shouldn't have been there tonight because you deserve the chance to start new."

She didn't respond but I could see the struggle in her eyes, in understanding of what I was saying but also in so much denial. "If that's true, if you really wanted me to start fresh, to move on from what we had, to start my next big journey without you, then why did you fill nearly every page of the scrapbook that AJ gave me with memories of you?"

I froze.

I, too, struggled with my next words. "I guess I wanted to remind you of the good times we had, not just the bad ones."

She looked at me, saying nothing for far too long, before slowly shaking her head from side to side. "Or maybe," she choked out, her bottom lip trembling, "It's because you don't know how to say goodbye to me, you don't know how to move on, you don't know how to let me go anymore than I know how to let you go."

A raw speechlessness hit me in that moment as I replayed those meaningful words in my head, words that almost sounded as if she was telling me that our last goodbye didn't feel like our last.

But it had to be. I thought we had made peace with each other. I thought we had both silently agreed that this was the best, and the only, option for us. We were supposed to be moving on. She wasn't supposed to be standing in front of me telling me that she couldn't.

"You…" I choked out, the word catching in my throat. I shook my head at her. "You don't know how to forgive me, Alice."

There was another long pause, more unbearable than all of the other ones combined. "No, James," she whispered, "You don't know how to forgive yourself."

My heart ached at those very true words. "I never said I did," I choked out. "I've never once said that I didn't regret what I said and how I said it. I've ever once said what I did was right. I've never once said that I forgive myself for hurting you the way I did. This isn't news, Alice. So what are you doing here? What do you want from me?"

She met the desperation in my gaze with her own. Once again, the silence dragged on. Only this time, I embraced it because I wasn't so sure I was prepared for whatever she might say next.

I was right.

"I don't want anything from you, James. You've already given me everything I could ever want," she whispered. "And that's how I know that I forgive you."

My limbs grew numb. "What?" I croaked out.

There was another long pause, one that became far too unbearable, before she spoke again. "I forgive you, James," she whispered. "I'm not mad or hurt or upset anymore. I can't be. I don't know how to be. It was easy to want to hate you but it was impossible to actually do it. Because I can't regret somebody who devoted his life to making me feel special. If tonight is my chance to say goodbye, then I want to say goodbye to my friend who made the last eighteen years worth living."

I felt the wind knocked out of me at those very significant words, the raw intensity behind them sending a chilling shiver down my spine. Her forgiveness was what was standing in our way, or at least what I had told myself was standing in our way, and here she was, clearing all of the debris off the once cluttered path.

I turned away, desperately trying to catch my breath as I let her every word sink in. "You should," I pleaded. "Hate me, I mean."

More silence. "I know. But I don't. And when you stop hating yourself, you might one day see why," she eventually murmured. Glancing up at me, she added, "I know you convinced yourself that my forgiveness was what was standing in our way but maybe the only thing that's doing that is you."

I could form no words, speechless to the point of utter helplessness. She was calling me out, accusing me of being the one holding us back. And the truth was, the truth that became so obvious to me in that moment, she was right.

All this time, I had been using Alice as an excuse. Told myself that she would never be able to forgive me, that we could never get back what we once had, that we were over because she needed us to be over. But it wasn't just her. It wasn't her at all.

Because it wasn't forgiveness standing in our way. It was love. And that was all on me.

For as many times as Alice had told me how she really felt about me, never once had I been able to do the same to her.

It wasn't that I didn't know how to love Alice, it was that I was afraid to. I was afraid I'd wind up hurting her again. I was afraid I'd find a way to once again break her heart. I was afraid I'd destroy us even more than I already have. I barely survived it the first time. I didn't know if I could go through that again. I could pretend all I wanted that I was taking a step back from her in order to protect her heart but it wasn't her heart that needed the protection, it was mine.

If only I had the courage to say all of this to her.

She said nothing more on the subject, nor did I expect her to. She said what she needed to say and since I wasn't saying what she needed to hear, she just nodded at me and said, "The Cannons are lucky to have you, James. Merlin knows I was lucky to have you for the past eighteen years."

With a smile, she turned on her heel and walked away.

Not just from me but from her broken heart.

If only I could do the same.

I had run scared for so many years. Too many. I had embraced Alice in my life because I had needed her, because I was too afraid to lose her. And our relationship wasn't perfect but it was close to it, up until the end. I let myself develop real feelings for her when for so long, I never thought that would be possible. I dug deep into my soul to be the guy she deserved, to be the guy who deserved her. I loved her even when I didn't' even realize it and I gave her nearly everything of me because I had told her I was all in and I had meant it at the time. Until I became too afraid to be all in and then I ran scared. I gave her all the excuses in the world why she deserved better than me and when she still refused to see it, I said the one thing I knew would hurt her the most just to get her to walk away.

And I was still doing it.

It seemed that all I've ever done was watch her walk away without doing anything to fight for her.

If I let her walk away from me again, one final time, perhaps the last possible time, it would be just another regret I'd have to live with for the rest of my life.

And I was done living with regrets.

"The night after we lost that match to Slytherin."

It took me a second to realize that I had been the one to say those words.

Alice was a few feet away and even though I had said those words softly, she had still heard. Slowly, she turned around. "What?"

My heart was beating a mile a minute. My feet fell frozen, my limbs numb. My heartbeat was pounding so loudly and sharply in my ear it was making it nearly impossible to think.

And yet for the first time in so long, I was finally thinking clearly.

"That night after we lost, I was in a terrible place," I choked out. "I disappeared for the afternoon, so convinced I needed to be on my own to gather my thoughts and to find a way to be okay. But when I returned back to Hogwarts, when I stood outside your door and took one look at you, it was so obvious to me then that you are the only thing I need to be okay. That night, you made me feel so appreciated and unashamed. I was dreading going back to my room, to face the ridicule and the laughs and the stares and the finger-pointing and the gossip. The endless gossip. And you asked me to stay with you. You told me not to go. Because you knew what I was thinking and feeling without me even having to say it. You've always known. You still do. That night, sleeping by your side, holding you in my arms, I had never felt so safe. I remember looking at you and thinking that if life could just stop, if I could get just a few moments away from everything else going on so that it could just be me and you and nothing else, that nothing could make me happier."

It was dark but the stars lit up her face, illuminating the awe in her passionate expression. I could see she was struggling with words, the shock and the trepidation and the gratitude taking over her every thought and feeling. "Why are you telling me this?" she choked out.

My heart stopped as I thought of what I was about to say next.

"Because, Ace," I whispered breathlessly, "That was the moment that I knew that I was hopelessly in love with you."

A barely audible gasp fell from her lips, a mix of shock and confusion and horror filling her wide-eyed expression. An impossible amount of time ticked by before she finally whispered, "What did you just say?"

My mind suddenly felt unclouded, my heart finding a way to beat again. I took a step towards her and then another, my heart feeling so naturally free as I finally just said all the things that she deserved to hear.

"I never really thought I'd find love," I whispered, "And the truth is, I didn't. It found me. Eighteen years ago, you came into my life and you never really left. I fell in love with you back then and I never stopped. When I was tugging your pigtails as a six-year-old tormentor, I loved you. When we were catching frogs in my backyard, I loved you. When we went to our very first Quidditch match together and cheered for the Cannons, I loved you. I loved you when you snuck into my bedroom window and we'd talk for hours without getting tired. When I fell off my broom and broke my arm and you came with me to the hospital, I loved you. I loved you when we both got our Hogwarts letters and I loved you when we both became Gryffindors. And when I spent an entire weekend crying in my room because my father wasn't the father I thought he was and you didn't leave my side once, _not once_ , I loved you. I loved you when you told Kenley Brown her face looked like a drunk pig's and I loved you when you chose to be my friend instead of hers. When you were the loudest voice in the stands cheering me on during my first year of Quidditch, I loved you. When you became a chaser on the team and we became the dynamic duo, I loved you. I loved you when I let you go, when I thought you deserved better, when I felt like a failure and didn't want to drag you down, when I wanted you to have the very best and I knew I wasn't it, I loved you. I loved you even when I was afraid to. I loved you even when I couldn't find a way to love myself. I loved you through everything. I loved you through it all. I think I loved you ever since I laid eyes on you. I loved you then, I love you now, and I've loved you every day in between."

There were tears in her eyes as I finished and she didn't bother to swipe them away as one-by-one they slid down her cheeks. I didn't know if they were happy tears or sad tears but I realized I didn't care. I hadn't been planning on admitting my feelings to her and I knew not to expect anything from it, but my heart suddenly felt lighter. I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders. I didn't know what the future held for us, if it held anything at all, but the one thing I knew was that she deserved the absolute best. And the absolute best I could give her was the truth. I had needed to tell her everything, to lay everything on the line, to tell her my heart belonged to her, to know I did and said everything I could to prove to her that my love for her was real. And if this was it for us, at least I'd know that for once in my life, I didn't hold anything back.

"For so long I waited for you to say those words to me," she eventually spoke.

My heart fluttered. "I'm sorry that it took so long."

She looked up at me, an unexpected sadness settling into her periwinkle eyes. "I think we both know you were never very good at admitting what your heart felt. You were never very good at admitting you had a heart at all."

Guilt filed through my every vein. "Maybe because you had it all along."

She met my gaze but said nothing for another long, agonizing minute. Her eyes never strayed from mine, the fear and hesitance more prominent than ever, and when I was all ready to yell at her to say something, she did. "Maybe I do," she whispered achingly, "But I can't be the only one of us holding on to it, James. I can't keep holding my breath waiting for you to figure out that you are a good person who deserves good things. I've always believed in you. But at some point, you have to believe in yourself."

I knew that was her way of reminding me that when everything was going wrong in my life, I had let myself believe I was nothing who was going to be nothing and do nothing. I convinced myself that my dreams had been over. I convinced myself my life had no meaning left. I convinced myself that I was better off alone. Everyone else still believed I had a life to live but I hadn't. Because the only thing I've ever consistently done was shut down the moment things didn't go my way.

But I couldn't go through life that way anymore. And I couldn't expect her to be there if I did.

"I've spent a good part of my life trying to figure out how to do that," I spoke softly. "How to love myself enough to let others love me, too. I'm still finetuning the details a bit, but what I do know is that the parts of me that I treasure, the parts of me that I'm proud of, the parts that I appreciate and am grateful for, only exist because you were always there to remind me of them. When I was convinced the rest of the world was letting me down, you never did. When I feared the worst, you were there to make me feel my best. When I was pushing everyone else away, I was letting you in. When I was too afraid to love you, you reminded me of all the reasons why I did. I'm just sorry that I didn't see the truth until it was too late."

There was a fresh coating of tears in her eyes that she quickly blinked away. "You saw it," she whispered. "You just didn't say it."

She was right. Of course she was. She was always right.

It wasn't that I couldn't see how much I loved her. It was that I was too afraid to tell her.

"Instead of saying the one thing that mattered, I said all the things that didn't," I muttered, mostly to myself.

Looking up at her, I saw her pause and then nod.

My heart ached. "I hope you know that I will spend the rest of my life regretting that," I pleaded.

There was another long round of silence, one that had her staring at her feet the whole time, before she spoke again. "I don't want you to spend the rest of your life regretting it," she murmured hoarsely. "I don't want that kind of life for you. You deserve to be happy, James."

The lump in my throat managed to grow until I could barely swallow. "Maybe one day I will be," I spoke softly. "One day when it doesn't hurt so much to think about you. When it doesn't hurt to think about all that I gave up. One day when it doesn't hurt loving you. One day. Hopefully."

Tears filled her eyes. "How can I love you and wish I didn't all at the same time?"

"Because I don't deserve to be loved by you, Alice," I croaked out, feeling my own unexpected tears crop up. I tried blinking them away but they never really left.

Suddenly, she was standing in front of me, wiping the tears from underneath my eyes. "You gave me eighteen years worth of reasons to love you, James."

I shut my eyes, leaning into her soft touch as I squeezed my eyes shut, feeling the force of every tear that slid down my cheeks. For just a moment, we were the old Alice and James, the pair that had their share of screwups but who always found their way back to each other again.

Only, I couldn't expect her to come back to me this time. Maybe I finally told her all the things that mattered but I still said so much that didn't. And while she forgave me for what I said, that didn't mean she was ready to love me again.

Nor could I expect her to.

When I opened my eyes, reluctantly, I leaned into her touch and whispered, "And I gave you eighteen minutes worth of reasons not to."

She dropped her hand from my cheek but her eyes never left mine. An overpowering silence took over us, the tension growing thick with every passing second. I saw the fear and the panic staring back at me but with it was appreciation and admiration, all the things I didn't deserve but craved. I wasn't ready to let her go, somehow wishing we could just stand there forever, just the two of us locked in a battle of meaningful gazes. The very idea of walking away hurt my very soul. I was madly in love with the girl standing in front of me and even though I didn't expect her to take me back, the small part of me that hoped she would couldn't find a way to let her go.

"Do you know how many minutes there are in eighteen years?" she asked softly.

What?

My eyebrow popped up. "Er…no," I spoke warily. "Do you?"

She hesitated before saying, "Over nine million."

Not sure what to make of that information, I just said, "That's a lot of minutes."

"Yeah," she whispered, "It is."

She just stared at me, her eyes full of overwhelming emotion and all I could do was hold my breath and wait. Wait for her to embrace me or to walk away. Wait for her to listen to her heart or her head. Wait for her to break my heart or heal it. I waited for her to either tell me it was too late or that she wanted to love me, too.

Seconds went by, maybe even minutes. The silence was tense and unbearable but neither of us spoke. Maybe we didn't know what there was to say, maybe we were too afraid, or maybe we just wanted to make sure that our next words were the right ones, but whatever it was, the silence dragged on between us like two passing ships in the night, slowly moving towards an unknown horizon.

Just when I was beginning to think Alice was looking for the easiest way out, she reached her hand out and placed it gently on my forearm, a simple touch and yet seemed so electrifying.

"It took me nine million minutes for me to fall in love with you, Jay," she choked out, her eyes slowly meeting mine.

 _Jay_.

"And eighteen minutes didn't make me fall out of it."

And before I could even register what those words meant, before I could register how fast my heart was beating, before I could register what I was feeling or even thinking, _before I could register anything_ , her arms wrapped around my shoulders and she kissed me.

It was the single best kiss of my entire life.

Suddenly it was as if nothing else mattered in the world except me and her, our lips meeting in a heated frenzy and after weeks of heartbreak and tragedy and confusion and pain and goodbyes, _everything finally felt right again_. My lips melded to hers, the heat rising from within both of us as we held on tightly to each other, almost as if we were afraid to let go. Our tongue swirled together in perfect rhythm, our desperate moans harmonizing in unison, our hearts and souls coming together as one.

When we pulled back to breathe, her arms circling around my neck as mine clasped tightly behind her back, she looked at me and smiled. The most beautiful smile I've ever seen.

"I don't know how not to love you," she whispered.

"Is it selfish of me to say works for me?" I spoke in jest, brushing a stray hair from her face and planting a kiss against her forehead.

A chuckle rippled through her body as she melted into the touch of my lips. She said nothing at first, the two of us just standing there in a tight and gentle embrace, as if we should have been doing this all along.

If only that moment could have lasted forever.

She pulled back just a little in order to look up at me. Frowning, she said, "I'm leaving in four days."

My heart sank straight into my stomach. "I know."

She paused. "I want to go."

"I won't stop you."

Her gaze met mine. "But you'll be here when I get back?"

My heart ached at those very powerful words. But for the first time in a long time, it was a good kind of ache. "I'd wait forever for you, Alice Longbottom."

Her breath hitched at the raw sincerity of my sentiment and she squeezed her arms tighter around my neck, her chest leaning tenderly into mine. "Has anyone ever told you that you have a real way with words?"

"Only around you," I said almost immediately, my bottom lip trembling. "Because in case I don't say it enough, Ace, you are about the only thing in the world who brings out the best in me."

She wrapped her arms tightly around me with a smile. "And you, James Potter, are about the only thing in the world who brings out the best in me."

She was wrong. She didn't need me to be her best but I was literally nothing without her.

But now I didn't have to be nothing anymore.

And there was no greater feeling than that.

"I love you, Ace," I whispered.

"I love you, too, Jay."

And then I leaned over to kiss the only girl that had ever mattered to me, to kiss the girl that made everything worth it, to kiss the girl who gave meaning to my life, to kiss the girl that I loved.

 _The girl that I loved._

I liked the sound of that.

When we pulled apart, we were both smiling at each other with so much appreciation and gratitude. It was as if the past two months never happened. It was as if we should have been doing this all along. It was as if we had been loving each other for years. It was perfect and it felt right and being so close to losing it all, I knew I would treasure this moment and treasure her for a long time to come.

When I looked back on that day in the weeks and months and even years to come, I remembered finally getting everything that I had ever wanted.

And perhaps for the first time in eighteen years, I wasn't talking about Quidditch.

* * *

 **XOXOXO**

 **A/N:** My heart hurts. This story took so many twists and turn, not to mention plot changes and character adjustments, but I can't tell you just how thrilled I am with where it started and where it ended. I feel a connection to James and to Alice, not to mention Fred and Jax and Rose and Dash and Lily and all of the Potters and the Weasleys, and of course Teddy. I loved getting inside their heads and I loved even more getting inside their hearts. This was a long journey but we made it. And so, too, did Alice and James.

For so long, it was James with the identity crisis but he realized the only identity he needed was the one he got to have with Alice. And now Alice is the one off to find herself, to figure out who she can be all on her own. I believe we call that irony in the literary world. But James has only ever wanted one thing (well, besides Alice): Quidditch. Alice is still trying to figure out her future, trying to figure out what she wants and who she wants to be, not what she thinks she wants or what she thinks other people want of her. It's why James and Alice complement each other so much. They know what each other is thinking and feeling because guaranteed, they have thought it and felt it themselves at one point. And now they finally, FINALLY just get to think and feel it all together.

Er...well, at least they will once Alice returns from her world travels.

Please tell me your thoughts! Your reviews are what has helped guide this story so any feedback is appreciated.

Up next, and last: Epilogue.


	44. Epilogue

**A WAY WITH WORDS**

By ByeByeBirdie

Epilogue: Find Your Way

" _You're never too lost to know where the road is.  
It could be dark, you could be hopeless  
But I'll wait 'til you find your way.  
You're never too far to be forgotten.  
Here in my heart, I hear you calling.  
So I'll wait 'til you find your way back home."  
_-The Afters

* * *

The summer humidity stuck around for a while but as September turned into October, Autumn quickly came with it. The leaves turned orange and red, the air turned crisp, and the boots and scarves and cardigans were rolled out of the closet.

I walked into my one-bedroom loft in Waddon fresh off a morning practice. It was a Monday morning and we had a rare three days off before our next non-divisional match against the French Quiberon Quafflepunchers. Fred and Ryleigh would be at the match and it had been over a month since I last saw them, at the usual end of summer Weasley-Potter Feast, so I was happy I'd get to see them again.

Tossing my keys into the bowl by the front door, I instinctively smiled at the stack of letters from Alice that I kept by the door regarding all of her travels. There was one there for nearly every day she was gone, give or take a few days, detailing what she saw, who she saw, and how she saw it, with a few 'I miss you's' thrown in for good measure.

I missed her more than I could even describe. My thoughts were so often consumed by her, so much that it was almost painful at times. When I was having a bad day, I wish she was there to make it better. When something good happened, she was the first person I wanted to tell. Every joke I heard, I wanted to share it with her. Every time I was feeling lonely, I wanted her by my side. I wish I could say it got easier as time passed but it didn't. I was grateful to my demanding Quidditch schedule for giving me something to keep me occupied. That's not to say I don't think about her all the time, even on the pitch, but Quidditch gave me a helpful distraction away from missing her.

As I strolled towards the kitchen, I tripped over a few near-empty boxes on my way. I had moved into the new apartment six days before my first day at training camp back in August and yet, I wasn't anywhere near fully unpacked. I spent so much time at the stadium or on the road that when I was home, all I wanted to do was kick back with a beer and relax. Mum had stopped by a few times to groan and complain about my horrible unpacking skills, and sent Lily once to do it for her, and yet neither of them offered to unpack the boxes for me.

Yes, I said this to them.

Mum sighed.

Lily punched me in the arm.

And the boxes remained as they were.

Speaking of Lily, she got the seeker position over Sadie at September tryouts, the latter who assumed that without me, Alice, and Fred there to cause her problems, she was in a much better place to play seeker.

Jax laughed in her face and proceeded to hand the position to Lily.

Last I heard, Sadie got back at Jax by blowing up his potion in class one day.

It was stories like that that almost made me miss Hogwarts.

Grabbing a beer from the fridge, I turned on the radio and dropped on to my couch with a yawn just as Louis' voice filled the room.

 _"-anyone hotter than James Potter right now? He scored six consecutive goals for the Cannons on Friday against the Arrows, six goals in a row in which no other player scored! He only had one shot blocked the entire match. That is unprecedented!"_

 _"Don't you think you might be a little biased?"_ Olive Fischer chuckled.

" _I'm realistic is what I am. Maeven Hendricks on the Harpies is one hell of a rookie, came out of nowhere breaking team records that no one even saw coming. We all knew she'd be an incredible talent to the Harpies, and right now she certainly is the only one on the Harpies scoring any goals, but the Cannons are getting far more scoring opportunities. James Potter may the Cannons' own rookie talent, but they also have an incredible amount of talent in their other teammates, all veterans who have been on the Cannons for at least three years now."_

 _"True,"_ spoke Olive. _"The Harpies not only have rookie chaser Maeven Hendricks but they also have rookie beater Kye Tannehill, not to mention their keeper will be out for three more weeks due to concussion protocol so they called up reserve player Tatiana Veloushe, who is certainly holding her own but she is no Jayla Sikes."_

 _"Aha, so it almost sounds like you might agree with me that James Potter is in fact already on his way to winning rookie of the year."_

 _"Now, now, let's not get ahead of ourselves. We are only one month into the season,"_ chuckled Olive. " _We still have a lot of games left to play_."

Playing for the Cannons was even better than I ever dreamed. I had felt unusually nervous when I first stepped foot into the locker room but the team welcomed me with open arms. They put me at ease almost immediately and it took only a single practice for me to feel like I was one of them. Everyone always talks during interviews how close their team is and I always wondered if it was real or just for publicity purposes, but the Cannons really felt like a family. We supported each other, we didn't tear each other down. We've all made mistakes on the pitch, and while the coaches are more than happy to scold us for them, the teammates are there to help brush it off. I had only been playing for less than two months and already, I felt at home.

Which was more than I could say about the unpacked apartment I was currently lounging in.

The pregame show for the Sunday afternoon Tornadoes-Puddlemere game started soon after Louis and Olive's talk show and I turned up the volume before reluctantly digging through boxes for kitchenware. I was using plastic cutlery and dishware at the moment and I could annoyingly hear Rose's nagging voice in my ear scolding me for how bad it was for the environment.

I had unpacked the plates and bowls and had moved on to glassware when there was an unexpected knock at the door. Dropping the coffee mugs in my hand on to the kitchen counter, I wandered out of my kitchen and through my living room towards the front door. When I opened it, I was greeted by fellow chaser, Coleman Gates, who happened to live in the same apartment complex with me and offered me the referral.

"Team is hitting up Lucky Strikes to listen to the Tornadoes game. You in?" he asked.

I glanced over my shoulder at the half-empty boxes. "Hm, that's a hard one. Stay in for the afternoon and unpack or listen to Quidditch. What to do. What to do."

He punched me on the shoulder. "Shut up and go get presentable so we can go."

"You're saying that gym shorts and an old T-shirt covered in paint isn't presentable?"

"I'm saying I'm not letting you out of your apartment looking like that."

I chuckled and invited him in. "Beer is in the fridge. Give me a few minutes."

He nodded and disappeared towards the kitchen while I disappeared up the stairs into my loft bedroom. Digging through my bureau, I was pleased to find a pair of jeans and a V-neck sweater that actually smelled clean. I threw them on, ran a few fingers through my hair, washed my face and threw on some cologne to cover the musk smell from unpacking dusty boxes, before venturing back down the stairs.

Cole was sitting on my couch listening to the end of the postgame show. "Ready to go?" I asked, rolling up my sleeves.

He downed the rest of his beer just as another knock came at the door. I looked at him inquisitively and he just shrugged before trudging off to the kitchen to dump the empty beer bottle.

As much as I had been grateful to find Cole at the door offering me a distraction from boxes, that didn't compare to who was now standing at my door.

Because there in front of me stood Alice Longbottom.

"Surprise?" she said sheepishly with a cute shrug.

My jaw dropped and my eyes grew wide as I just stared at her.

"It's good to see you, too," she chuckled and I could tell there was some nerves behind the laugh.

"You're standing at my door," I blurted out.

"Gee, nothing gets by you, Jay."

 _Jay_.

Oh how I missed her calling me that!

I wasted no more time, reaching my arm out in one swift move towards her waist and pulling her towards me, kissing her without a second thought.

She responded with an unexpected squeal before leaning into the kiss, her arms snaking around my shoulders as I instinctively slammed her against the wall with a breathless whimper, our lips moving together in perfect unison. I kissed her like I've never kissed her, or anyone, before, the passion igniting a fire from within. My heart was racing, so quickly and so loudly against my ribcage, my desperation coming out in the intensity of the kiss.

Which was ruined moments later by a throat clearing behind me.

Alice and I sprang apart, more out of surprise than anything, as I met the cheeky smirk on my teammate's face.

"Er…forgot you were there, mate," I groaned sheepishly, rubbing the back of my neck with a chuckle.

"Clearly," he said in strong amusement. His gaze went to Alice. "Oh, I sure hope you're Alice Longbottom because I'm warning you now, if you're not, you're going to be hearing an awful lot about how bloody perfect she is."

I scoffed. "I don't talk about her that much!"

Cole burst into laughter. "Oh, please, if you're not talking about Quidditch, you're talking about her. And most of the time, you're not talking about Quidditch."

I could feel Alice's eyes on me. "You talk about me?" she asked curiously.

"Yes," Cole said before I could respond. "All the time. 'Oh, how I wish Alice was here to see that flawless goal I made.' 'Alice would have loved to try out this play.' 'Have I told you for the thousandth time that Alice and I were chasers together in Hogwarts?' 'Alice has perfect hair and perfect eyes and a perfect smile and-"

"Okay, I think that's enough out of you," I groaned, shooting him a look.

He just let out a laugh as Alice said, "Well, to be fair, I _do_ have a perfect smile."

"Couldn't agree more," I bragged, wrapping a protective arm around her shoulder.

"Move back, I think I'm gonna puke," Cole drawled.

I shot him a look. "Why are you still here?"

He let out a laugh. "So I think it's safe to say you'll take a rain check on Lucky Strikes today?"

Alice interjected before I could say anything. "Oh, I didn't mean to interrupt any plans you had," she said, flustered.

"These plans were made all of ten minutes ago. You didn't interrupt anything," I urged. "And believe me when I say, there wouldn't have been a single plan I had this afternoon that I wouldn't cancel for you."

Her cheeks flushed as she smiled at me, though the moment was ruined by Cole pretending to stick his finger down his throat and gag.

"Okay, seriously, why are you still here?" I groaned at my teammate.

Cole let out another chuckle as he clapped me on the shoulder and slid around us towards the door. Turning around, he said to Alice, "It's nice to finally put a face to the name, Alice Longbottom. He's been going on an on about how beautiful you are and I have to say, he wasn't exaggerating."

Her cheeks turned an even deeper shade of red as I rolled my eyes. "I realize you hit on pretty much anything with boobs but could you refrain from doing so with my girlfriend?"

He just let out another laugh as he disappeared out the door.

"So," Alice said with a coy smile, "I'm still your girlfriend, hm? Even though I up and left you for four months?"

I snaked my arm around her waist. "You're here now, aren't you?"

She smiled at me, wrapping her arms tightly around my shoulders. "I'm here now," she whispered. "And this time, I'm not going anywhere."

 **XOXOXO**

* * *

I could tell you that we sat down and talked or that we caught each other up on the past few months or that we stayed in that foyer grinning goofily at each other, but it would be a complete lie. Once Cole was out that door, it took all of ten seconds for me to drag Alice to bed.

"I'm surprised you have actual blankets on the bed," Alice spoke later, her naked body curled up in my arms. "The way your apartment looks, I would have guessed I'd be lucky just to see a towel or two."

I chuckled, pressing a kiss to her temple. I couldn't seem to do that enough. "I've been a bit busy, alright?" I chuckled.

"Ah, with your mistress?" she teased, turning her head to smirk at me.

I shook my head. "There's not a girl out there who even remotely compares to you, Ace."

She smiled shyly. "I didn't think I could love you anymore than I already did and then you just have to go and say something like that."

I buried my lips against her temple once more. "So tell me," I said, changing the subject, "Why is it you showed up on my doorstep today when the last letter I received said you'd be traveling to Romania for a few days before returning home?"

Nostalgia flickered in her beautiful eyes. "I guess I just missed home," she spoke vaguely, a coy smile perching on her lips.

My eyebrow shot up curiously. "Oh?" I smirked. "Anything in particular you missed?"

She pretended to think about it. "Yes," she said with an eager nod. "Dad and AJ. It's been so long since I've seen them and— _eek!_ Argh, stop!"

I may have tackled her with a flurry of tickles.

"Say you missed me!" I teased, trapping her in my arms as I tickled her sides and her shoulders and her neck.

"Never!" she laughed. She squirmed and squealed, trying to fight against me but I was too overpowering and eventually she called out, "Alright, alright! I missed you the most!"

I pulled away from her, both of us breaking out into uncontrollable laughter. When it died out, Alice turned to me and said, "I mean it, Jay. I really did miss you most. There wasn't a second that went by that I didn't think of you. This trip was so important to me, but by the end of it, I just wanted to get back here. Back to you."

What more could I do but kiss her?

Later, when we both realized how famished we were, we eventually threw our clothes back on (much to my chagrin) and departed the bedroom, leaving the apartment to head to the nearby deli, my arm wrapped securely around her shoulders as if I was afraid if I didn't, she'd find another way to disappear.

"So, was traveling the world everything you wanted and more?" I questioned.

Alice smiled. "I never realized how much I needed it until I actually did it," she said with a shrug. "It felt good to just be me, not the offspring of the Hogwarts professor or the sister to the pub and inn's owner or the daughter of a mother who left this world too early or even the girlfriend of the infamous James Potter, no offense."

I shook my head, knowing all too well what it was like to be associated with a Potter. "None taken," I chuckled.

"It was freeing," she spoke nostalgically. "I did what I wanted to do, went where I wanted to go, became who I wanted to be. And it made me a better person, a stronger person. It made me appreciate everything I have, made me love the life I've been given. It made me believe in myself and my future and it taught me what I want to do and where I want to end up."

I paused. "Which is?"

She stopped short on the sidewalk and turned to me with a smile. "I feel like so much of everything I've ever done was to somehow please my mother," she spoke softly. "Except for one thing."

I knew the answer before she even said it. "Quidditch."

She smiled. "When I am on that pitch, I am flying for me and not for anyone else. One day, I want to become part owner of the inn, I want to be a part of my family's legacy, I want to work alongside my sister and I want to love doing it. But I think I want to love Quidditch first. Traveling the world these past few months has taught me that it's okay being selfish, it's okay having a dream and it's okay going after it, that everyone deserves to do what makes them happy. I know I can't play Quidditch forever, nor do I even want to. So why not play while I'm still young and can enjoy it?"

I was in awe of her, how strong and confident and pure she had become after just a few months away from everything she's ever known. My heart was soaring with pride and if it was at all possible, I think I loved her more then than ever before.

"You'll make an amazing Quidditch player, Ace," I whispered, reaching for her hand and squeezing it. I paused. "Though it is going to be tough annihilating you and whatever team you wind up on."

She threw her head back and laughed. "You have some time before you have to worry about that," she teased. "The season already started and right now, I'm just interested in spending time with my friends and family. I'll worry about trying out next year. I hear some people actually make starting teams off of open tryouts."

I grinned. "Yes, well you have to remember how incredibly awesome I am on that pitch."

She hesitated. "Oh, this is embarrassing, I was talking about Kye."

I gaped at her and then pouted as she laughed at the blow to my ego.

She leaned over and pressed a kiss to my cheek. "Just kidding," she teased, wrapping her arms around my shoulders. "You are incredibly awesome on that pitch, James Potter."

I smiled and pressed my lips to hers. It felt so right, so perfect just standing there with the girl I loved, our prior troubles planted firmly in the past. My heart had felt so constrained, so lost for so many years and now it was just bursting with love and adoration and hope. It almost felt as if my skin was tingling from so much joy and it struck me then that this was what real happiness felt like. There were times in the past I thought I had been happy but nothing even compared to this moment right here. I was on great terms with my family who I had spent so many years shunning, I made my Quidditch dreams come true, which for a short period of time felt complicated and nearly impossible, and here I stood in the arms of a girl I've probably loved for eighteen years, a girl that I can say without a shadow of a doubt has been the best thing that has ever happened to me.

I'm fairly certain that life couldn't get any better than this.

An unexpected chuckle fell from my lips and Alice looked up at me, inquisitively. "What's so funny?"

I wrapped my arms so tightly around her, embracing her like never before. "A year ago, I was hexing Rudy freaking Frankel because he dared to ask you out to Hogsmeade."

I could tell she was desperately trying to hold back her laughter. "A year ago, you were taking Hattie freaking Wilkes into Hogsmeade."

I hesitated. "Yeah, maybe we should just keep the past in the past," I chuckled.

She laughed and grinned up at me, the grin slowly fading into a wistful smile. "I know we've been through a lot together," she murmured as she buried her head against my chest, "Not just over the past few months but in our lifetime, but I have to say, I'm really glad we ended up here."

I glanced around. "In the middle of an empty sidewalk with dried gum and cigarette butts under our feet?" I mused. "Yeah, I couldn't imagine ending up anywhere else."

She shoved my chest and I jerked away with a laugh, leaning over to press a kiss to the top of her head. " _I'm kidding_ ," I laughed. "Of course I couldn't be happier where we ended up. I get to be with you. I couldn't imagine a happier ending."

She turned towards me and captured my lips with hers, pulling away with a smile. "I guess fairytales really do come true."

And here I thought I never believed in fairytales.

I looked down at her and smiled. "In case I don't say it enough, I love you."

"You say it enough," she murmured, resting her head against my shoulder. "But I never tire of hearing it."

I planted a kiss in her hair and said, "Well then get ready to hear it again: I love you, Ace Longbottom."

And in already perfect moment, she somehow managed to make it even more perfect by smiling up at me and saying, "I love you, too, Jay Potter."


End file.
